#like what do you MEAN people know I exist? who allowed this?

[sharoo]

Self-knowledge as a theme in STP messes me up so bad, bros.

This all starts with how little the Princess can tell you if you ask her about herself. How little you can say about yourself, more often than not. Most of the time Quiet doesn't even know what they look like!

The Narrator makes it a point to make the Princess' cluelessness, her lack of self-knowledge, into deception, but really, both the protagonists don't know themselves. How could they?

The concepts of bounds, of something that isn't you, the distinction of "self" and "other", "you" and "I", the concept of something being not like yourself... this is the first time this deity which is now two has ever experienced it.

The Shifting Mound and the Long Quiet did not exist until the Narrator tore a whole into parts.

Now, this deity in twain has to reorient. It has only begun existing, it's not yet known itself. A toddler has to develop a self-concept, and the concepts of others.

Now imagine, for the first time in your solitary existence, that there is something that you are not. Unknowable, foreign.

What are they like, you think? Are they a friend? Should I get to know them? Are they a foe? I do not know them, I cannot trust them... Or can I?

This brings to mind, of all things, Contrapoints' video on Twilight, where she speaks about the concepts of Union and Division in relation to love. And while she speaks of it in terms of eros, it can apply here just as easily, romantically and platonically.

Love is the union of two beings. We love because something outside of us allows us to be more than ourself. In others, many seek that which they lack. We seek out people so that we may develop through our similarities and contrasts with them, to change an be changed.

We seek out people because there can be no I without a You. To exist in a void is not a fulfilling experience.

We cannot discover ourself if he have nothing that allows us to compare ourself. The mirrors elude us throughout the game, always leading to the princess - she is the only way we may know ourselves, the mirrors tease as they disappear. And at the end of the route, only then, can you see yourself, now that you have a complete knowledge of yourself in a given scenario, with a given persona.

Was the princess someone you decided to trust? Or to betray? Was she a foe? A friend? A nightmare? A victim?

You both try to find out who you are through your relationship.

The princess assumes many faces and attitudes in response to you, you assume voices and attitudes in response to her. You're two batches of clay shaping each other at the same time. It's almost like knowing someone your entire life, seeing them go through different phases as they try to find out their identity in the world, their place. The 5 routes, whatever they be, are your "adolescence".

And growing means you will hurt each other, intentionally or not. There will be fights, disagreements, there will be heartache, and comfort and love.

And everything will pass.

Shifty, before she's complete, before she discovers her godhood, makes this point so clear.

How could she not be kind to you? You are the only thing in this place that is not her. What reason could she have to hate you? To make the only friend she could have into an enemy?

That's why, at the end of every route, all hurts are forgiven. All the heartache is acknowledged, understood, and then she moves on. So that you may continue being together, so that she may see what else you do.

Even godhood can become a phase. The Shifting Mound recognises what you both were, but it need not be you unless you accept it. Because self-knowledge is unending. You are always changing, and you can always change.

You can accept being a god, and that becomes you.

You can reject being a god, and that becomes you.

You are by that point an "adult". The figure trying to dictate who both of you are is gone, and you can decide for yourself.

I think this is partially why I love the Leave with Stranger ending the best of all the endings. You begin it by avoiding knowledge of yourself and of another. The self can only exist as far as it is not like the others.

And you meet the Stranger, this being who knows so little about herself, because she too has been deprived of another. The route is quick. It really cannot amount to much, because if you don't know yourself, it's so hard to build a relationship.

But at the end, they've matured. You gave each other time to become fuller beings. You met this person again and they seem so much happier with themself than they were in youth.

I love how they say "We're just a stranger.", and the voices point out how it needn't be sad that you don't know her, unless you make it out to be. You can get to know them, the real them, and they can do that with you.

The way the Stranger speaks if the position of a God only underlines how much the heart of the Shifting Mound can understand self-knowledge.

They speak of how they feel themself be pulled towards taking the position of godhood, of being everything, yet find it confining. Restricting.

"We want more. We want whatever might be on the other side of this door. Something new, that we'll experience together. With someone who exists outside of us. Someone who can see us in a way we can never see ourself."

Self-knowledge through relationships and reflection on how you impact other people.

[janesurlife]

Normally I'd see tweets like this and move on but Today I have my day off so I'm gonna deep dive into this "carlando has ruined f1" narrative and the particular part of fandom that's behind it. Spoilers alert it's charles fan aka lestappies

This bitch has the audacity to say this about carlando while posting this shit..ok sure ma'am, carlando is the one ruining the sport and not a fictional ship which has made it to top-65 of ao3 tags...sure it's carlando yeah

I mean I could be generous and say "enjoy your ship but don't be annoying" but I am not in a generous mood so I'm gonna spit facts. Carlando although is a ship that people like, it's actually a real friendship between two people who have been teammates with each other, know each other's family very well, went to family weddings together and have celebrated each other's wins without any malice (unlike sour puss). Meanwhile lestappen exists only and only in certain people's imagination and on ao3.

So tell me, dear viewers which one of these two is ACTUALLY the k-popification of f1 and ruining the sport? I think we all know the answer and it's not carlando.

saying "carlando was a mistake" as if that's something fans have "created" and not an actual friendship between two grown ass men (lestappies can dream).

The reality of the hate behind carlando is the fact that Charles fans LOVE to blame carlos and Lando for everything and anything that goes wrong in the sport. They hate those two drivers and go to stupid lengths to justify that hate. Bitch grow some balls and own it!

They have this delusion that "everyone loves charles cause he earned it" and I'm gonna tell you a very harsh but true fact and it's that most of you like Charles cause he's a decent looking white man who drives for a prestigious f1 team. If he wasn't in ferrari his fanbase would be half of what it is now or maybe even less. Although it's not a crime to like someone for their appearance but trying to say that it's not what it actually is, that's the problem. So please go ahead and write lestappen fics on ao3 and leave Carlos and Lando out of your delusion.

I would also like to address something here that's been bugging me for a while. These people in their attempts to make carlando the big bad evil of f1 take the conversation away from the real evil of f1 that's fia and liberty media. Fia being inconsistent in their penalties and trying to control very personal aspects of drivers like what they wear and what they speak, is doing more damage to f1 than two men being nice to each other. The rich countries throwing money at fia to get a grand prix without caring about the fact how dangerous it could get for drivers like Qatar was. And fia continuously allowing more and more GPs to be held in US even after the absolute cluster fuck that miami and las vegas was last year. The increasing number of street circuits even after knowing how unsafe they are IS THE REAL EVIL not carlando you fucking dufus.

[3liza]

everyone arguing with material analysis/assertion about how art is a "luxury" has rarely if ever spent rent or food money on art, if they even pay rent or buy their own food, and if they did that would be considered extremely dysfunctional, and thats what i/we mean. artists are not providing a necessary service.

our plane crashes in the Andes and you are not particularly excited about my "can draw that Playboy centerfold of Marge Simpson from memory" like that is not an essential survival skill. lots of extremely skilled workers work in luxury artisan and craft jobs, it's not an insult to say even a very famous and very talented and influential artist is not producing a commodity necessary for the furtherance of human life. none of us are doing that, no matter how we stretch and strain the definitions of "essential" or even things like "morale" or "group identity". i will burn my copy of Finnegan's Wake to stay warm and thats what it comes down to.

i get foamy crazy snarling and biting about the idolization and obfuscation of what artists actually do because it is a labor issue! the public conception of artists as people possessed of a divine talent they dont consciously work to develop like any other skill, and the public idea that we are simply pleased and privileged to make art all day and "not work", something people say to my face every time i get asked "what i do", is largely responsible for the absolute dogshit reality of how subsistence and working class artists have to survive. we usually dont have health insurance unless we're so poor we qualify for medicaid AND live in a state that will enroll us. most of us are too disabled or crazy to go to a real job every day. most of us have tried, over and over, to enter the normal workforce, and have failed, and been forced to develop alternate skills that allow us to make rent in the ten hours per month we're actually functional. many of the artists i know work from bed because standing up is dicey. this has been turned into a charming eccentricity of famous artists and writers instead of people wondering why a person would need to stay in bed all day and take the enormous bother of bringing their stupid pens and paper and writing board or typewriter or whatever to their bed instead of just getting up and getting dressed and going to work. ive done this, i spilled ink in my sheets. its a huge hassle.

and artists play along with this mystique because people dont want to buy paintings from sadlords! they want to buy paintings and books and marge simpson nudes from cool guys who get a lot of chicks and wear rockstar outfits and party a lot, because of the transitive properties! of course!!! this is basic marketing!!!!! and if the artist doesnt play along they turn into Sad Story Artist where they're doing emergency commissions and posting about how sick they are all the time. this is not cool or fun or sexy. it's a sand trap and its very hard to recover from. im struggling with this right now!

famous and successful artists and writers are constantly ending up 60-90 years old with cancer and multiple sclerosis and dementia, being the subject of some sort of public, last-ditch, humiliating GoFundMe because painting paperback covers fr 60 years means you dont get a pension, you often dont even have kids who can take care of you, you dont have life insurance, you dont have health insurance. 'died penniless and alone' is one of the stereotypical artist endings for a reason, that is not fiction. this happened to more artists than i can list on two hands. look up what happened to Peter S. beagle, the guy who wrote The Last Unicorn. you write a book like that you should be set for life, right? NO. thats not how it works

i'm not saying 'all artists are disabled and working class or poor' because that isnt true, observably. nepo babies and trust fund artists exist, obviously. but they take an outsized portion of the spotlight when the public thinks of the concept of "artist". they are not actually the norm. the average artist is probably making under 40k and living in extremely precarious circumstances and has had periods of homelessness, illness, extreme debt and/or bankruptcy.

this is true even for the 'successful' artists. having one or two or ten good projects and being a household name does not save you from just not having the safety net provided by a normal career path. i was very close with a major, famous 2000s network television creator and team that you have heard of. they won awards, they changed culture entirely, they were a big deal. one of them was turned down for a half dozen projects by the same network that made millions or bilions on their franchise over several years (each pitch is completely unpaid btw, imagine carefully preparing a PowerPoint for morons for months at a time for no reimbursement and thent he morons ask you if you can put a teenage witch looking for her lost cat in the alps in it and you're like, haha, well, it's a 4 part hard sci fi miniseries set on Europa and takes place entirely inside a pressurized lander settlement, i mean Ridley Scot said he was interested already and he pitched a bottle episode about a carbon monoxide poisoning, soooooo....and the executives look at each other and they're like "it's jst not really what we're looking for right now, thanks for coming in" and you go to coffee bean and tea leaf and kill yourself and thats sort of what its like. i made that example up it didn't actually happen i'm using an illustrative example), worked on a canceled film, and just. gradually ran out of money. thats what happens. that guy ended up slowly selling off all his belongings, getting roommates in a one bedroom apartment, and then eventually having to just live on a friend's couch for years. famous guy. you probably know his name. another major member of that same team ended up in GoFundMe/commission hell for years (might still be there) because they had to take care of their two dying, dementia patient parents by themselves. these are people who go to GenCon and sign autographs for four hours at a time. THE PUBLIC IS NOT AWARE OF THIS SHIT and i'm sick of it. im sick of going to a gallery opening night ("vernissage") and drinking bad wine and having a guy with an email job that pays six figures and benefits tell me being able to push "undo" on the computer is cheating. that's a real example, that has actually happened to me. more than once.

artists currently have zero labor protections whatsoever. all of us are undercutting each other in an unregulated market and relying on welfare and private insurance and not having families or buying houses. zero security until we get so old all our illnesses and dysfunction finally ground us permanently and then we get turned into a charity case by fans (humiliating) or just fade away into ghosts and die

whats my punchline? idk i dont have one. it's possible and likely that any given artist you meet is permanently in precarity and will be until they die, even the famous ones. the culture of selling art demands that artists do not admit to this in public unless shit gets really really bad. i guess my point is you should know this, as a person who looks at or listens to or reads things that people have made for your amusement, not for your survival

[firstkanaphans]

RE your tags on the bromance thing - I think I allowed myself to get a little panicky earlier when seeing a few people talk about there potentially being more, and whilst there are a few points made that I can understand, I do feel like the amount of worry I’m seeing it maybe a little preemptive?

Like, I do agree that it feels stupid to put TayNew in a bromance series; if they wanted two actors that are close & have worked together before, why not Tay and Off or New and Gun or something? BUT I did see that Tay and New actually wanted to do a bromance series together, so there’s part of me thinking that this was THEIR choice to do this series and not give it to some other actors. (And let’s be fair, I don’t think there’s anyone else who could have made this show so warm, angsty, and lovely.)

I feel like GMMTV has really been embracing their BLs a bit more if I’m honest, and sure, they do queer baiting in their non-queer shows, but who doesn’t? You can watch anything on Netflix or whatever and find ‘bromances’ that are severe queer baiting.

I kinda feel like sometimes people pile on GMMTV a bit much, all because they’re kinda like the biggest company in the drama community that does decent queer dramas? I don’t know if that’s just me being blind to their flaws, but I sometimes think they get a little more hate than other production companies and not always deservedly? (I mean I know they aren’t perfect and I call out their bullshit myself, but I feel like sometimes it’s ‘cool’ to hate on them?)

Sorry if none of this makes sense and I’m rambling - it’s almost 2am and I really need to sleep 🤣

In my opinion, these claims that GMMTV is going to pivot to bromances because they’re less gay and more profitable are absolutely baseless. Bromances are not new to GMMTV. They’re not even new to TayNew as I believe I’m Tee, Me Too was a bromance as well. Like you said, P’Dome explicitly stated that TayNew wanted to film a show together that was not a BL. Should they not be able to? And weren’t these same people complaining just days ago that CPs are never allowed to act outside of their CP? Now, they’re mad when they do.

What people are losing their marbles over is literally just the cast and crew having a good time with the fans. Did they play into the shipping aspect both onscreen and off? Of course they did! What writer worth their salt would have passed up such a perfect opportunity? But to me, it didn’t feel malicious. It felt like P’Dome was just having fun and giving Polcas a little nod. I almost feel like it would have been more strange if he hadn’t.

People certainly don’t have to like bromances, but it’s like We Are all over again where people were saying its very existence was indicative of the fall of the genre as we know it. And that’s just utterly ridiculous. This isn’t a queer story where the queerness was censored. In fact, there were explicit queer themes throughout. This is just a platonic love story and a lot of people who may not be interested in romantic relationships have found immense value in that.

Like I said in my tags, P’Aof is the Director of Content Production at GMMTV, meaning he is literally the one in charge of what content is being produced, and I’m choosing to trust the gay Thai man who has dedicated his career to this. He has such a passion for telling queer stories. Why would he stop now?

But like you said, it’s become hip to hate on GMMTV. And look, I don’t like corporations either, but let’s not pretend like GMMTV isn’t really fucking gay. Because they are. This is not a company that has ever shied away from explicitly queer content and is actually making more of it than ever before, so I’m not going to fault them for adding a few shows for the straights too. And if they have to make het stuff, I would much rather sit through a bromance than anything else.

I mean Jesus Christ. Peaceful Property was fun. I had fun. And it was also really good—easily my favorite offering from GMMTV all year—so if they want to make a hundred more bromances just like this, I’m certainly not going to complain about it. Some people just don’t want to enjoy anything.

(And go to sleep, Pip! It’s late 😂)

[flightyalrighty]

Crazy to me that people follow you for a horror comic then get upset with you when it’s a horror comic.

Killing children in horror is a well regarded theme in horror. It’s not “wow it’s so cool when kids die” but the fact that the story addresses vulnerability and the narrative purpose that serves. Like I can vaguely understand why people would be so shocked to see a well beloved character die, but y’all signed up for that when reading a HORROR comic.

Anyways as someone who is just starting to get into making horror comics I deeply deeply admire your work here. You’ve been doing an amazing job at building suspense especially with traditional webcomic style of page-by-page release. Keep it up, I hope you are having as much fun making this story as it’s been to read :D

Thanks so much for this ask, and for reading Infested! I'm wishing you, as well, absolute best of luck and much glee in the creation of your own horror comics! It's one heckavuh ride, making comics, that's for sure, but even if not every part of the process appeals to you, the end result will always be worth it. Longer stuff ahead.

As one person in the Infested Discord pointed out, I can't understand people (there have been three so far) griping about Tails being killed for the narrative when Maria, who is also very much a child who was murdered for the narrative, exists in a game that isn't labeled "horror."

Do these same people have a problem with that? Do they angrily write to Sonic Team about it, claiming the E10+ rating for "mild cartoon violence" was not enough of a warning? Or do they let that slide because Maria's death is integral to the story of Sonic Adventure 2, and to Shadow's character arc. As if Tails's death doesn't fill a similarly important role in Infested.

I seem to not be allowed a bit of trust that I know what I'm doing by killing Tails. It's treated like a mistake. That last person called it a "plot hole" (???), sharing a similar sentiment with someone else on Twitter that felt that Tails was simply too smart to die. Whatever that means. Never once do these folks consider that it is IMMENSELY important for this story that Tails dies, and does so in the way that he does. I can't simply change who dies, because who dies is deeply important to the soul of Infested. To the point of it. It, and it's sequel.

Yes, Tails's death is just as important to the sequel.

The story isn't over yet, and the means in which that event played out haven't been revealed. As many obnoxious people have already said many times before me; Patience is a virtue.

[mimisempai]

Quiet place

Summary

Faced with a rain-soaked Crowley, Aziraphale acts like a mother hen, pampering his demon so well that the demon soon forgets how cold the rain was and feels only warmth.

Notes

Features a fire place and a lot of cuddles

On Ao3

Rating G -  1048 words

Crowley closed the door with a sigh and stood there in his soaked clothes, his hair dripping, not knowing what to do for a moment. 

To say he was surprised by the downpour would be an understatement. He'd gone to feed the ducks that nested near the small pond at the bottom of their garden, and just as he'd finished, the rain had suddenly come down, and the time it took him to get back to the cottage had been enough to leave him in this drenched state.

As he bent down to take off his shoes, he heard Aziraphale approaching.

He stood and found himself facing the angel, who was glaring up and down at him.

Crowley shrugged and said with a wry smile, "It's raining..."

Aziraphale, rolling his eyes, immediately helped Crowley off with his soaked jacket and grumbled, "This is no time for silly jokes. You'll get sick if you stay like this!"

When Crowley started to protest, Aziraphale added, "Yes, yes, I know, demons and angels don't get sick, but do you really want to tempt the devil? I know, bad choice of words. But anyway, what I mean is, we've been told we don't get sick, but who's really tested it, hm? So hurry up, get out of those wet clothes and take a hot shower..."

The angel pushed the demon toward the bathroom and Crowley chuckled, "You're quite the mother hen, Angel."

He turned to Aziraphale and quickly kissed him on the lips before saying, "Not that I mind, quite the opposite."

Aziraphale sighed.

"Crowley..." 

The demon raised his hands in surrender and headed for the bathroom.

"Okay, okay, I'll go..."

A few minutes later, he emerged from the shower and was welcomed into the arms of Aziraphale, who spread a large towel in front of him and helped him dry off before handing him warm, cozy clothes. Crowley, secretly happy to be the object of such attention, allowed himself to be pampered without resistance.

Then the angel led him into the living room, where Crowley saw that the fireplace was lit, radiating soft light and, more importantly, comforting warmth. Aziraphale made him sit on the sofa in front of the fireplace and sat down beside him. Crowley saw two steaming cups of tea on the coffee table.

He swallowed, overwhelmed with emotion at how cozy it looked. He thought he'd never get used to the feeling, but who could blame him when he and Aziraphale, despite their extended existences, had only just created this home together. 

He'd felt this way sometimes when he'd visited the bookshop, but it was always a time when they both lived under the pressure of Hell and Heaven, now, here, this was truly home. Smiling, he turned to Aziraphale, who had opened his arms for Crowley to snuggle into.

"Thanks for doing this for me, Angel."

"Not just for you, for both of us. I appreciate this kind of moment as much as you do. It's not just you who loves taking care of me." 

Aziraphale gave Crowley a kiss on the forehead before wrapping a blanket around them.

Crowley hummed with contentment and lifted his head to press a light kiss to the angel's chin. Aziraphale smiled as he handed him one of the cups, and after taking a sip, Crowley rested his head on Aziraphale's shoulder, his eyes drifting to the fire.

Together, in front of the fire, they talked about everything and nothing, the quiet conversation interrupted from time to time by kisses, caresses and laughter. The easy conversation of two people who have known each other for so long, but still have things to say to each other.

Then, seeing that the fire needed rekindling, Crowley started to get up, but Aziraphale held him back, saying quietly, "Stay here."

Astonished, the demon saw Aziraphale make a slight movement of his hand and the fire resumed its crackle and light.

Crowley looked falsely shocked and exclaimed, "Angel, how dare you? What about the human way?"

Aziraphale replied, "To hell with the human way, there is no way we are getting off this couch in the next few hours for something as trivial as rekindling the fire."

Crowley raised an eyebrow and said suggestively, "Oh...and what are we going to do on this couch for the next few hours?"

Instead of answering, Aziraphale leaned over him and traced a trail of kisses down Crowley's slender throat, leaving the demon moaning in pleasure. Aziraphale chuckled, then whispered in his lover's ear, "Does that answer your question?"

Aziraphale's hand slipped under Crowley's hoodie to feel his bare skin under his fingers, making Crowley shiver. The panting demon protested without much conviction, "Hey, Angel, what's the point of warming me up with a hot shower and a fire if you're just going to make me shiver afterwards?"

But the way he arched under the Angel's hands belied his words, so Aziraphale continued to run his fingers over the demon's skin, causing more shivers, and Crowley didn't even think about protesting anymore. 

Even less so when the angel's lips replaced his hands and began to map the demon's belly and chest, pulling up his hoodie.

Until Crowley could hold on no longer, and as Aziraphale's lips lingered on a small mole on the demon's hip, he removed the hoodie, tossed it to the floor, and, placing his hands on the back of the angel's neck, applied light pressure until Aziraphale brought his face close enough to capture his lips in a kiss whose heat had nothing to envy the fire in the fireplace.

And later, much later, as they lay, their naked bodies intertwined under the soft blanket, Crowley broke the silence and said softly, "I love you."

The warmth, the feel of his angel's arms around him, the breath in his hair, all of it wrapped him in a peaceful calm and he felt a gentle numbness wash over him.

"I love you."

The angel's voice in his hair was the last thing Crowley heard before he drifted off.

Aziraphale, feeling the demon fall asleep against him, raised his hand to rekindle the fire one last time, then, after planting a final kiss in the red hair, let himself be carried away by sleep as well.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

South Downs cottage series : here

Ineffable fan fictions Masterpost : here

[diyasgarden]

Hi so to another blog, I sent in the request for gymteacher!patrick but now that I think about it, I feel like he’s one of those adults who secretly hates kids fgccjjjgffhhhj. It’s the whole vibe I got from whenever he was talking to Tashi and Lily was brought up like yeah he could say he feels awkward about the fact those two had a kid…….but I also just feel he hates kids 💀. It’s giving “fuck them kids, and fuck you too!”

ohhh i actually love the gymteacher!patrick hcs you sent @saintzweig. mars ate that up. if you haven’t read that, go do that!!!

i am inordinately fond of the idea that patrick doesn't like children because he can't wrap his mind around them as a concept. a tiny being who is still developing? continually learning about life? dependent on the people around them? it's overwhelming for him to process any of it, but it's all he can think about it in their presence. it also drums up the memories of his own childhood he'd rather forget. feelings he thought he long buried, but persist against his inclination.

so by proxy...i love the idea of elementary school teacher! patrick who took the job because it was his only choice. patrick who has been down on his luck and desperately needs to find a stable source of income, at least for the time being. teaching is not his first choice (and he's damn sure he is going to lose his mind), but it's the only job he could find that pays well. if he's going to be miserable anyway, he reasons he may as well be getting a paycheck out of it.

he goes in, does his job, and leaves. the other teachers are a bore, and he's to uneasy around the children to actually get close with them. ironically, his supposed indifference to the children makes them love him even more. he chocks it up to the childish curiosity of wanting to know more about the new, distant teacher, but the truth? they just like him. they like the way his language isn't filtered and how he mumbles under his breath. even the way he never breaks into that primordially passively assertive voices the other teachers have or never seems to have a solid plan. his behavior is new and captivating, but also makes him feel like an equal. in a way, patrick isn't a teacher they want to impress, but a friend they want to make. so while his goal was to avoid having any of these kids form an attachment to him, he's failed extraordinarily.

not to say he can avoid forming any attachments himself. i mean he sees these kids everyday, it's only natural to feel some sort of connection to them. it doesn't have to mean anything (at least this is what he tells himself). so what if he knows how to tie Lucy's shows the way she likes it when they come undone during soccer. or remembers to remind Aiden to take off his glasses before it's time for dodgeball. he's perceptive with details. basically has something in his head for every student, but wouldn't anyone notice (well again...what he tells himself). he's allowed to take some interest in their lives, learn about what they like or think. it's not a crime, nor does it have to mean anything. this is just a job and he still doesn't like children (he's started to repeat this to himself like a mantra).

the year goes on and his interest expands, much to his displeasure. they're growing on him, he can't deny it. he cares for all of his students, and while the concept of children still makes him uneasy, he's been able to push it down. focus on the joy the kids bring in the moment, rather than what their existence means for him. he enjoys being around all of them. especially the little, quiet kid who doesn't really talk much. always a little behind in gym, but really is sweet. and i mean just wait until he meets you...that kid's mom.

[clfixationstation]

all of this. yes.

my only thought is that because straight ships are seen as "normal", Isayama (and many other writers) assume that audiences require less convincing to get behind them and find them believable. Which isn't entirely untrue - there are many m/f ships out there that I've seen straight fans get behind with the bare minimum (from people I've talked to in-person, not just online speculation).

the next assumption writers could be making is that straight couples don't require a high level of understanding and companionship. From my observations, it's unfortunately the case that it's not always expected in straight relationships what do you mean your boyfriend doesn't think you should have rights?? doesn't see you as a full person?? and you still want to marry him???!? girl RUN. It's often (subconsciously) based on the bioessentialist idea that men and women are very different beings with different roles to fulfill, and therefore can never fully understand each other (ugh).

that's why "our worldviews directly conflict and we can't fully understand each other, but we're still drawn together by love and that in itself is an understanding" just isn't compelling to me personally. I've seen it with many canon straight ships in many stories over the years. (to be clear, I am not accusing people who enjoy such ships of being bioessentialist - I do not know the mind of every person)

and then there's yumihisu. Ymir was immediately drawn to Historia because she saw her past self in her, and was determined to empower Historia to live for herself with pride. After a lonely childhood, Historia welcomed Ymir's company and understood that Ymir's abrasive comments betrayed her good heart. Even with the secrets between them, Ymir and Historia had this deep understanding of each other and offered each other compassion and companionship.

and for some of the other ships mentioned in the tags:

1) I didn't pay much attention to reibert, but wdym reiner "having no interest in women" went nowhere?? like?? and Bertholdt liking Annie out of nowhere was kinda funny. 2) kenuri is kind of just. uncontested canon. 3) I never expected eremin to be canon, but the level of understanding and reverence they hold for each other is unparalleled. 4) I actually love aruani, and that's primarily because their relationship is based in understanding and appreciating each other's perspectives; seeing positive qualities in each other that others could not. It could've used more time to cook, but that's my only criticism

#like why did eremin parallel yumihisu and reibert. while eremika was CANONICALLY framed as a parallel to the most toxic horrific relationship

THIS TAG. This is the one that gets me. eremika paralleled Ymir and King Fritz; Mikasa's love bound her to Eren the same way Ymir's love bound her to Fritz. However, Mikasa was able to free herself from the bindings of her love and act for the greater good. By killing Eren, Mikasa freed herself and Ymir. Acting despite all the love she has for Eren, refusing to allow her love to keep her bound - that is what frees Ymir

now, obviously Eren did not treat Mikasa anywhere as badly as Fritz did Ymir. Eren being an ass is NOT equivalent to Fritz's abuse. It's just. That parallel does not indicate to me that eremika is, or could be, a positive relationship. Conversely, I think some people interpret it as eremika's pure and good love showing Ymir what love should be like, in contrast to her relationship to Fritz. While that's a sweet interpretation, I have a difficult time agreeing. Mikasa spent the entire series chasing after Eren, desperately trying to keep her last piece of family alive, living in a perpetual heartache. Eren, on the other hand, hid and stifled his feelings for Mikasa until the end. Where Mikasa always desires to return home, Eren will always run forward towards "freedom". To me, the point of eremika is that it's doomed. It represents the beauty and cruelty that exist simultaneously in the world. While they had love for each other, their relationship was layered in pain all the way through

uhhh I got off-track.

tldr: I hypothesize that m/f ships require less "evidence" to be convincing to audiences because they are the norm. As a result, many m/f ships are written more shallowly than f/f or m/m relationships, whether written as lovers or friends.

why did isayama put his whole pussy into yumihisu after saying he can’t write romance. and then fumble when it came to the straights.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

genuine question: would you be creeped out or amused if i made a "letmetellyouaboutmyfeels bingo" for your fics

Aside from my innate terror over being perceived, I think it would be hysterical.

Remember kids take a shot every time I keep a sentence going with a dozen commas! Or, if you're @gracieryder, just down the entire bottle and give up.

(Yes, I know that's a drinking game not a bingo. I'm still funny. Hush.)

Also thank you for asking first, it's very considerate of you to do that and I appreciate it. Bingo away!

[bibxrbie]

"Between Anakin and Luke who is the better Jedi?"

"Who's the strongest?"

Blah blah blah.

Every single person who thinks it is Anakin is wrong because Anakin "coolest thing about me is my kids" Skywalker would beat you up for thinking that his son isn't the greatest thing of all time.

[bendgineer]

[softness-and-shattering]

I kind of get how it can be a trauma response, to lash out at anything that feels safe or comfortable because its unusual which makes it scary.

You're allowed to be safe though. You dont have to antagonise everyone who might be your ally to drive us away before we can hurt you. Most of us, many of us - i dont have statistics on this - dont want to hurt you and do our best to avoid it.

Womanhood is not defined by suffering. Transness is not defined by suffering. Its an aspect, sure, just as suffering is an aspect of being human. But its not the point. Its not necessary, its not the foundation stone. You dont have to cling to it. Let it go.

Idk if anyone who needs to hear this has got this far but just in case. Acting like a walking trauma reaction is hurting everyone. Its possible to heal. Dont you want to heal? Arent you exhausted? Take a tiny little chance that it might be safer than you thought and put your shit down. Or open some space and think about what it is you like about being trans, about being a woman, of holding any identity that you find painful. What draws you to it? What do you want it to look like?

Ill go first. I love my voice. When it started properly breaking my first feeling was relief. I get to sound warm and rumbly and comforting now. Is that what I like about being trans or about being a guy? Idk, both maybe. I like that I get to define things for myself outside of imposed expectations. Ok your turn. Name one thing. Start building a sense of self around joy and contentment or at the very least, not pain. Start building yourself into someone who wants to live and can enjoy living. Its always possible.

And yeah maybe Im shouting compassion into the void but I hope someone somewhere is listening, that I might influence them a tiny bit make their life a little better. If someone is plain nasty to me I wont engage.

And yes people who are so caught up in their fear and pain and making up lies where theyre the victim - on the one hand, its a defence mechanism, I get it. On the other hand, its hurtful, and its extremely rude and also ludicrous. Like who is this crowd of cis women running to transmasc's defence everywhere? Cis women are weird and entitled with us. They know they have cis privilege over us. They act like the fact we started as the same sex gives them rights to be invasive "because we're all just girls". Cis women are less privileged than cis men but theyre second on that food chain, theyre cis. And sometimes they enjoy holding power over someone else for a change.

Which is to say, if youre lashing out at everyone because youre scared, you need to get yourself under control. Youre hurting people who dont deserve it. You need help, in the most genuine of meanings. You need to be able to function healthily as part of society, and yes theres a lot of transphobes out there, but most people dont carr one way or the other. Your overwhelming fear is not of equal size to the danger, which does exist, but is not all-encompassing of everything forever.

For everyones sake including your own: life can be better. Please work towards it being better. Get your shit together and let yourself be helped.

you’ll see a trans boy be like “i dont personally have the power to oppress you” and then later the same day 3 of their little trans boy friends will start calling you out for making the first trans boy cry so hard he almost died (by disagreeing with him) and then all the cis women in the space will instantly side with the fragile little boys against the scary big [t-slur] who uses intimidating words like “transmisogyny” and thats how the whisper network against you starts, leading to far reaching professional and social consequences that never leave you

This didn’t happen.

Not this way, at least. All marginalized people are at all times at risk of being canceled unfairly. Their marginalization tends to play a major part in that, obviously. Trans women get hit with it a lot and that fucking sucks, and some transmascs are in TERF-y circles and can theoretically use that against transfems should they feel the need to.

This that I’m quoting, however, is a fantasy. It’s a page from a dream journal. People are giddily imagining things like this happening because they live in a world where trans women are feared and have their reputations ruined by lies, and they want to exploit that for their own benefit. The best way of doing this is putting themselves above other trans people, because cis people don’t give enough of a fuck to care or get involved with these bullshit arguments, but if you whine about other marganalized people they will actually be affected by it and forced into the conversation you created out of thin air. It’s not so much a victimization complex as it is a death cult fascination with the misery of transfemininity identical to the TERF obsession with fymyl suffering, defining ‘trans woman’ as 'the thing that feels pain always and forever.’

It’s disgusting and I can’t imagine identifying with such a sniveling and pathetic vision of what being a trans woman is like. It’s so undignified it makes my skin crawl. It’s embarrassing. There’s nothing in this crying little effigy covered in pins and needles I can relate to. I can’t tell if these people need more self-esteem or less. I’m so fucking tired of this wounded gazelle shit.

But for the TRF, transfemininity is all about the abuse. Just look at the beyond absurd assertion, made over and over again, that trans women are maliciously called the t-slur by other trans people. That’s just. No? No. But in claiming that the t-slur can only ever refer to trans women, and that transfeminine suffering takes priority above all else because everyone forever at all times hates trans women more than anyone else, it again becomes necessary to construct this false vision of intercommunity dynamics where “scary big t-slur” is a stereotype that exists within the community in the first place, and which trans men are constantly using against trans women.

It’s just so blatantly selfish for one to act like a transfeminist when all one does every single day is bitch about other trans people. We’re all about to get fucked harder than ever and there are people who profess to sincerely believe they’re fighting the revolution by making up lies about their siblings. I’m easily triggered by transphobia outside of the community and yet even I manage to engage with actual transphobes and make them considerably less transphobic, yet people who don’t even know enough about what TERFs believe to understand they hate men too will fritter the day away on how they could theoretically be canceled if they did something bad ,and wouldn’t that be the worst thing ever? Oh, what if I broke up with someone and our mutual friends believed I was the jerk, because that’s a situation that exclusively happens to poor helpwess twans women and the mere suggestion I could possibly be a jerk in the first place is unthinkable? Hate to keep saying this, but trans women are being actually murdered and this obsessive fixation on “social murder” within the trans community exists purely to spice things up with a feeling of danger because the spaces we’ve managed to carve out for ourselves are otherwise a little too safe and it feels more authentic to the Laura Palmer Ultimate Victim narrative. Massively popular transfems with over ten thousand followers will happily sic them on people for the most upsettingly asinine reasons and then cry-type about how they’re the underdogs in every possible social situation.

But most obnoxious of all is the implication here that, because this can only happen to trans women, gossip and slander does not happen to other trans people, or other marginalized people in general.

That’s fucked, considering how much this discourse has attacked specific targets. It’s most maddening to see that “the coiner of the word transandrophobia has dykebreaking+detransitioning-of-transfems kink” has evolved to “most people who believe in transandrophobia have those kinks” because I constantly see TERFs making huge compilations of transfem blogs engaging in cis dykebreaking kink from the dom perspective. Just transfem dom blog after transfem dom blog enthusiastically into cis dykebreaking, which TERFs use to paint us in a way that fits their narrative.

Literally the only example they can ever give of a transandrophobia-connected person* being a dom for dykebreaking with transfem subs is someone who was being paid by a transfem. Detrans kink is overwhelmingly non-transfems, but almost exclusively as subs to either transfems or cis men, and those transfems aren’t getting paid for it, they actually are just in it for the love of the game. There’s nothing wrong with that, but people want to act like there is when it’s anyone else, and that’s not only weird but also setting up a bear trap to step in later.

Which gets to the point that, hey, wow, I’ve noticed a lot of cis women in particular who self-identify as TME are super into anti-shipping. You cannot possibly imagine you’re safe for trans women if your big issue with trans men articulating their oppression is “they masturbate evilly.” Popular transfem blogs will talk at length about how you shouldn’t judge transfems for their kinks but cis women are so eager to kinkshame transmascs that they not only make shit up out of thin air, but specifically copy and paste kinks almost entirely made up of transfems onto transmascs. Someday very soon a TERF is going to show them it’s much more convenient to be a general transphobe and not make special exceptions for the ones that use the same pronouns as you. They’re going to show your anti-ship cis lesbian friend one of those transfem dykebreaking blog compilations and she’ll take Trans Rights Are Human Rights out of her bio within the hour.

Like, even if you didn’t care about being monstrously inhumane to others, all of this is so against transfem self-interests in the long run, but people who consider themselves the most transfeminist transfeminists there are, of a radical nature, one might say, care more about notes than helping anyone, least of all the transfems they’re feeding into a grinder of paranoia and isolation. Especially the isolation.

It’s a little hard to take it seriously when I get accused of calling all trans women groomers for thinking it’s bad when people talk about “curing” other trans women’s “comphet,” how “TMEs” are obligated to bottom for them to compensate for transmisogyny, and writing long treatises on why it’s one’s moral responsibility to throw forcefem kink at random men because they may like it. Like, am I saying trans women are groomers, or am I saying some people use being members of a marginalized community to be kinna gross? People somehow find it in them to be angry at gay men who cross boundaries in spite of the messaging that they’re all sex abusers for the past two hundred years. Especially since 90% of the concern is for other trans women.Like, sorry, but I care enough about trans women that I’m going to say something if I think you’re putting them in a bad situation, and someone being a trans woman doesn’t make them immune to that. But oh, it does if you assume that this is all just common sense transfeminism, and I am in fact making this accusation of most trans women instead of an extremely niche group.

Never mind that in the screencap people use to accuse me of calling trans women “rapists” I was saying something a self-identified TME said was coercive, and whose identity as a Not a Trans Woman I explicitly noted.** Never mind that I’m the not the one telling people to name their blogs after the original transbian separatist group that famously fell apart after resulting in heavy sexual abuse. Never mind that I have said over and over again that TRFs act no more entitled to people’s bodies than lesbian TERFs who treat people they perceive as women the same way.

But I’m supposed to believe that those cis anti-shippers who post things like “every time someone says kinks are fine they’re just protecting predators in the LGBT community” is a great ally and I’m a traitor because they hate men and I don’t?

Sorry, no, not a traitor. A “pickme begging to be beaten to death with hammers.” Who’s probably not even actually a trans woman. Great transfeminism, yall. You’re really fighting transmisogyny.

It’s especially galling now that TRFs have taken to calling transandrophobia “reactionary,” the most bullshit possible way to call a group that includes a huge number of PoC, who they constantly accuse of tokenization, a pack of Nazis. What is transandrophobia reacting to? Bigotry? Golly gee, I guess so! Or maybe it’s “reacting” to transmisogyny as part of the completely absurd idea that trasnmascs steal everything from transfems. Like, yeah, sure girliepop, and we stole misogyny from cis women, right? Sorry you failed to not sound exactly like a TERF yet again but maybe try again tomorrow and you’ll finally earn not being called a radfem.

But isn’t it sooooo mean of me to compare a small amount of trans women to radfems? Like their oppressors? Well, first of all, they regularly refer to Jewish people as Nazis, discourse aside that they do that is simply a true fact which shows they indeed think it’s possible to justify comparisons like that, although in their case it’s just because it feels like getting off a sick burn and rhetorical W to go “ah, but what if this Jewish person…was a Nazi? Checkmate, Zionists.”

Secondly, for as much as TRFs want to claim TERFs only hate them, that’s simply not true and I have conclusively proven this with basic use of Tumblr’s search function and the tag “radblr.” Twice. If you believe they love transmascs and only want what’s best for them, congratulations dipshit, you fell for their propaganda so hard I’m surprised they haven’t managed to convince you you’re not a woman. Or is it only an obvious lie when it’s about you?

Most annoyingly, just on a personal level, is the way TRFs get pissed off at non-transfem feminine AMAB people for daring to exist. The idea that femboy is a slur for trans women would be laughable if it weren’t grotesque in it’s ignorance. The things I’ve read people say about how transmisogynistic it is for an anime character to be a crossdressing man instead of a trans woman are just infuriatingly racist. Not everything is about you and it’s not actually a big deal if people talk about others once in blue moon.

The constant posts about how non-transfems are evil for not making more transfem headcanons, or for headcanoning the TRF’s favorite canonically male character wrong, are particularly childish. I can’t even go into MY favorite blorbo’s tag without seeing people call transmasc headcanons of him inferior literary analysis completely without irony, and every single time they shit like this, they do it while making up the most convoluted and nonsensical explanations for why the character can only be transfem instead, as though the hostility is defensiveness born out of their particular blorbo requiring a lot of creativity to headcanon that way, necessitating going to war to prove they can’t really be a man to assert it as The One Truth. Then they’ll complain until the fucking heat death of the universe about how everyone loves transmasc headcanons because of transmisogyny.

It’s the same unbearable on-sight hostility as when a TERF sees a child on the subway and goes home to type up a novel of a post on how he had the eyes of a future wife-beater, and it’s so irritating to see it spread from one corner to another. Literally, TRFs say that trans men will always turn on trans women and eventually detransition to wield their wymbnly power against us, and I’m expected to not see that as having severe hang-ups about people born into what they want to transition into and have denied to them by society’s transphobia?

What about the fact that they constantly mock AFAB trans people in ways specifically targeting that trait, calling non-binary people “theyfabs,” joking it’s easy to misgender trans men when they have large breasts, and reduce transmasc stereotypes to feminine “soft bois?” Like, yeah, okay, you’re not projecting any gaping insecurities you may have about assigned sex and gender roles when you say transmasc music is ukuleles and transfem music is heavy metal, next tell me about how transmascs all enjoy tea parties and transfems all go to football games.

But it’s not even mostly trans women who keep this shit alive in the first place. A higher percentage of total trans women on this site are into this framework, but the total number of non-transfem trans people and cis women so outweighs them in the first place that it cancels that out. Like, if x is higher than y, and x% of trans women on Tumblr agree but only y% of “TME” people do, that’s still a movement mostly consisting of “TME” people. The full separatist angle would very quickly reveal how little air it has to burn if trans women truly only had themselves to watch out for each other. Unfortunately, self-identified TMEs are much more likely to get TERFier rather than simply less TRF-y when the spell breaks and they realize how fucked up this shit is, while the people who’ve been batted at continue to exercise the patience of a saint and continue to fight for trans women anyway.

And that! Is what hurts! The most! The fact that people do not care about transmascs and in particular the ones who believe in transandrophobia are constantly tripping over themselves to defend and help trans women as much as they possibly can. I wish people saw that. I wish that mattered. It’s like watching a black hole suck up an endless font of goodwill and love. And then going “lol reactionary transandrobros hate trans women.”

That’s it, though, the great irony of it all is that if it were true, it’d never have become popular in the first place. It’s kept aloft by self-identified TMEs who are well-meaning if not especially good at critical thinking, except for the the contingent that are convinced trans men are all misogynistic because they personally are, or even outright seem to get gender euphoria from the idea they have male privilege. But for whatever reason, if “TME” folks didn’t care? The people making up elaborate tales of their potential (social) murder would have to find some other way to get attention.

I suggest throwing on a big red nose and joining a circus.

*and I specify “transandrophobia-connected” but you’d have a hard time rustling up transmasc doms in general from those scenes

**also, despite it being something I saw with my own eyes, I notably did not even feel it hit the level of needing to directly name someone as being who I was basing my assessment of sexual coercive behavior on as being sexually coercive, because I think it's much more a prevalent attitude of pressure in sexual contexts than individual behavior

[itspileofgoodthings]

.

[here-there-were-dragons]

i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that

[widevibratobitch]

omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee

[ofrashwriter]

Creature of habitat, yes, Jess would very much after. He liked how Rory could get absorbed into a book, he loved that the greens were off the table for her; and her exercise routine was non-existent. It was cute; I loved that rory was herself, she wasn’t aiming to impress she was a creature of nature. And although Jess had grown up, matured. He was sometimes still the boy who felt he wasn’t enough. Who felt like he did nothing right; his mome truly questioned if he was the author of his own book. An award winning parent right there? But tonight wasn’t about skipping around the past, the mistakes I made. As the saying goes, if you can’t forgive yourself how do you expect anyone else to? And Jess had forgiven himself; and the way Rory that glimmer of sparkle in her eyes; he knew she was allowing him in again. 

The conversation was small and airy left between us now, as we knew our hearts at to be content with the now. Settling down at the small table, his leg shifted into a comfortable position. A warm smile curved along his lips now. His start of the tour of was a scratch, because why Maine, Jess read each scheduled date, the book stores where he was required to attempt, to a signing meet people who felt empowered by his writing, and after the East coast he’d be hitting the main coast in LA, and so on. But Jesse knew Rory she was coyly fishing around, she wanted to know when we’d be sitting again, sharing a drink, a meal together and it gave him chills in that out of control way. He felt happy now; to know she was grasping on the when it could be us again.. “ It’s one of my earlier stops, but we do have a day off in between. So could squeeze you in for a day before I have to leave.” Pausing as he gave her a coy expression. Because he would drop it all for Rory; but one of our themes was go for your dreams, a passion that ran through us. As the waiter came and placed our drinks now in front of us; the male ha muttered a thanks before; he echoed the words. “ I promise I will take you out on a proper date once that day comes..” Jess didn’t see the means of skipping around the brush now. A meal together; talking, rediscovering each other again.. It’s what one heart ached for.

continued

@ineedacoffeefix 

Praise, I wasn’t used to being seen as great. But I definitely had my moments of encouraging myself through the process of writing a book. It still blew my mind that Rory and I were having a teasing conversation about me having a publicist. Thinking back to how screwed up I was growing up, the limits felt impossible. I was barely making it through school, I was better at skipping class than holding a job. And Rory she saw me; she saw the poteniel in me, she saw the way my eyes flickered through pages of a book, it’s kinda what bonded us. Why we fell into each other’s obits. And now she was the one standing by my side. 

I felt a sense of joy knowing Rory made the trip to be proud of me, to witness the moment I read my words aloud. Now I had to pause my rapid thinking to add my own remark. “ You’re going to write the big stories, and I’ll even led you my publicist when the time comes, assuming she can make space for you.” A joke; a smile came to tug along bare lips. Jess had a sense of humor; he just had to be comfortable with you. Rory was his favorite person; she helped him believe in himself. She helped me have the faith to submit his writing; and now if she needed the encouragement; the words to know she was capable of more he’d be her venting ear. 

Now he knew this night part of the night might be difficult considering the amount of stairs he was forcing her to climb, but he knew in his heart she’d appreciate the view. He remembered the first time he climbed these very staircases, it was a long taunting night after he submitted a chapter, he was feeling nervous. He also felt like he was feeling blocked for the next pages. It was this roof; he was being put up in the hotel, and with the tossing and turning of sleep he felt the need for fresh air. And he found the roof. He felt the wind brush through his skin, his hair, and he closed his eyes. He envisioned the next stage; he was inspired. Jess never talked about his writing process; but the brunette was special he wanted to share a piece of himself. 

With his hand tightly wrapped around her own; he had heard her complaining, the exaggeration of the steps, of the lack of strength it was taking the female to climb. He tried to hold his tongue; he wanted to be the good guy that understood her pain; because we did discuss her lack of healthy habits just at dinner. But he had to exhale a laugh; especially when he stopped at the step to give Rory a moment to breathe; to catch her breath. Tilting his head back he took in the way her head was bent down, the way she was heavily breathing, he recalled letting his thumb tracing circling around her knuckles. “ I promise we will do the elevator coming down, it will do you good to get in a few steps. It always helps me.” The mindful soul he grew into. 

The male had tugged upon her hand; but slower he took each step with ease. Not wanting to overdo it with Rory; he cared about her and wanted her breathing obviously. Upon pushing the door open; the male hadd released her palm from his own, knowing she would explore the roof; leaning towards the edge; he raked his neck back to get a good look; the breeze brushing back her brunette locks. Beautiful he mused. 

“ Now, this sounds like a horror book, We might’ve read years ago, Don’t insult me Rory.” Or he might; now now he would never put Rory in harms way. He inched closer to the edge; his hand brushing against the railing as he took in the line of buildings, the skyline; a view to die for. “ It’s beautiful, I did a lot of searching for my book up here.’ A simper stayed planted on bare lips.