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#like what am i so scared of? so what if i fail. if things don't go the way i want them to the first try
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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dietitian warned me the other day i may need to go inpatient if this keeps getting worse and it hasn't left my mind ever since. partly because i don't see the reason. i am literally gaining weight. and also because a non-zero part of me wants to go back inpatient and i don't know why
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kurthorton-moving · 3 months
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can i admit to the dash can i be vulnerable for a sec i am actually a little scared to remake
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graciousdragon · 4 months
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*walks in, covered in ash and emanating smoke, like a Looney Tunes character after surviving an explosion* hey guys i'm back
#rys.txt#uh. long ass tags that are mostly me venting below#second semester of college down and i think i did even worse than the first one#i've definitely failed at least one class but probably more than that. in fact i can only confidently say that i passed one class#i'm too scared to look at the grades on canvas. everything gets finalized on like. wednesday i think#i'm not getting worked up about it. my dad's gonna be pissed but you know what? i'm also pissed!#i am genuinely unable to focus on my work! i've genuinely tried everything i can think of to help and it has only barely helped!#every time i try to focus on my school work it feels like my brain just disconnects! no matter what the fuck i do!#and if i try to ask my dad for help he's like “just focus on your work” BITCH I TRIED! I'VE BEEN TRYING SO HARD! I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO!#so help me god i WILL be evaluated for adhd this summer otherwise i'm just not gonna fucking go back#MY BROTHER IN CHRIST THERE IS CLEARLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME AND THERE HAS BEEN FOR YEARS!!#SORRY YOU WERE NEVER AROUND AND NEVER INTERACTED WITH ME ENOUGH TO SEE IT!! SORRY I LEARNED TO MASK AROUND YOU FOR FEAR OF BEING TOLD OFF!!#ok. venting about my father in the tags aside. things are looking up for me now!! :D#school is over! i don't have to worry about that for another 4 months! my friends are back in town! i have time alone during the day!#I HAVE A DISC DRIVE FOR MY COMPUTER I CAN BURN CDS NOW!! I'M SO HYPE I'VE WANTED THIS FOR SO LONG#I'M LITERALLY GOING THROUGH THIS BIG BOX OF OLD CDS AND FLOPPY DISKS AND SHIT FROM OUR BASEMENT AND THERES BLANKS I CAN BURN!!#MY MENTAL HEALTH IS NO LONGER TOTALLY IN THE SHITTER BABY!! I'M BACK!!
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wherela · 11 months
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my problem is i am so scared of asking people for money when raising support
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bixiaoshi · 1 year
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fearing rejection and failure over smth that hasn't happened is so ridiculous
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keeps-ache · 1 year
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.,. ._. <- small guys :0
#just me hi#wish i could make one that looks like a frog‚ but alas#//ANYWAY i just realized recently that i don't have any good refs for Oath lol???#i've had this dude for a solid year and i never made a ref for him hhh#the fact that i didn't Need one though is nice lol#like his face is either covered or you can't see anything past the shoulders hfdhjhsjhf#How Did This Happen#even AURA has a ref and i forget she exists sometime [dies]#but Anyway i Am making a full-body piece rn so :3 maybe it'll look nice but also i am Scared of what i'm going to do rn hfvbhfsj#not confidant in my ability to draw lighting things but a lack of confidence failed to stop me before so !!#//also trying to finish up on this fpaa chap but i keep adding things to the dialogue and ohhhhhhhhhhh my gooooooooosh i need to stooooooop#hfdj i just wanna Finish the darn thing!! i'd Like to figure out where this story Going already hhvdhbdj#i have a Pretty Good Vague Idea of where it's goin but also i don't know what i'm doing lollll#done that before tho so we'll survive bdshbvd#//also question is it‚ like‚ bad to stare off into oblivion while paying for stuff at the gas station#because my brother was paying and i always feel like i'm being weird when i clock out for a moment hbvhdfj#'oh we're not doing anything. good byeₑₑ'#Worse when I'm paying and the employee is doin stuff. do i also need to do stuff ? ??#i'm confuzzled and stricken with the Curses in public hvhfjshfsj#//but ANYWAY i'm gonna go tryta finish my two things i have going on lol :DD#toodlesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss !!
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readymades2002 · 6 months
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it is very frustrating because my mom does not know What The Deal Is but she certainly Suspects (for good reason. to be fair to her.) and she has Insinuated and she has Implied but she has not asked anything specifically. and its...not unreasonable for her to do this i guess because the last relationship i was in i didn't tell her for a year and a half. because the relationship BEFORE that was my first and it was with a girl and i asked her EXPLICITLY AND URGENTLY to not tell my dad about it because he was a massive homophobe and i knew this and saw this where she did not and she told him anyway and i have not trusted her since though, having few other options, i have continued to confide in her things that i should not confide in her that have then mysteriously made their way through all our shared coworkers back to me. and its.....its so. i don't know what to do about it. she..."stalked" is the wrong word but she followed my blog against my wishes and knowledge as a child and the more i lost trust in her and stopped talking to her the more she pried into my private life. i know my sister had similar experiences with her. and it has created this cycle where i keep trying to keep her out for my own privacy and dignity and safety and she just gets even more desperate and pathetic trying to get in after breaking my trust over and over and OVER again but i live with her and depend on her for far too many things and so it just. is this. awesomesauce
#have talked about it a bit with a few people and its...difficult?#i have always felt like i was the person standing between my parents when my dad was at his worst#and as kind of like. someone who failed to protect my family from him#and the last few months ive started recognizing patterns where 1) when my parents were united#was when there was a common threat and that common threat was ALWAYS me and my insanity. which feels. bad#and 2) my mother had no one to talk to about the horrific shit he said and so often ended up relaying#some of the worst things youve ever heard to me and my sister very conversationally#every thing he said about me that haunts me i heard when she told me and then went 'ha! isnt that so stupid he would say that?'#like. i guess its. she was a...i hate using it here but a Victim in thatsituation but im also starting to learn#that she was also a collaborator. and that she failed to protect us or take care of us often because she was scared of him#or sometimes because she agreed with him or hated/resented us or whatever. its. um#it is difficult. and every time i try to change and talk openly around her instead of being passive aggressive as i learned from her#she responds in the same guilt trippy icy way and says i am pissy or i think too black and white or do i think shes a bad person#and so i cannot...i cannot grow with her because it HURTS. every time. and ive just kind of...found it harder and harder to talk to her#at all. and her pain fills the apartment because she sees it happening. and it makes coming back here every day#even more unbearable even more crushing and i don't know what to do about it#it has been so weird. ive been trying to...change and grow. to be Real. to be truthful and to communicate well#for my friends and coworkers and family and i feel i've come so far sometimes#and then when it comes to her i just don't know how to do it because i don't trust her.#and when i try it only hurts both of us and i can't explain that to her because she WILL take it personally and she#she...everyone is capable of change. i believe that. to be alive is constant changing. but she refuses.#when she asked me if i thought she was a bad person she answered her own question going 'i dont think so.#i think you see things so much more black and white than i do and you're so easily offended and sensitive. i think im a good person'#not in a...not in a combative way but in a sincere way. and its like. i dont think i even responded i was fucking flabbergasted#where do you even GO from a statement like that lmao!!! god. its so frustrating. it is so so so fucking frustrating
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tinycoffeeroom · 5 months
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café de paris | max verstappen
face claim: none ᡣ𐭩
request: here !
a/n: all french / dutch is google translated blame them if it's wrong! race order is completely random here !
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📍café de paris, monaco
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liked by bffstagram, friend1 and 294 others
y/nstagram me 🤝 café de paris
bffstagram bro those croissants look Fire ↳ y/nstagram my main source of sustenance in these hard monaco streets!
friend1 i have yet to see evidence of you shaking ass on a yacht miss y/n!! ↳ bffstagram so real... we're meant to be living vicariously through you!!! ↳ y/nstagram student finance doesn't stretch to yacht ass shaking, i can barely afford my daily caffeine fix 😭
friend2 oui oui hon baguette how is france? ↳ y/nstagram never let a monagesque hear you say that,,, bro i can't fight ↳ friend2 🫡 ... how is monaco?* ↳ y/nstagram 🫡 it's good!! def happy i chose here over france, even if my wallet doesn't agree 😭 ↳ friend2 we feeling fluent yet? ↳ y/nstagram oh god no, the other day this poor old lady tried explaining how to find the art museum to me and i just stared at her like 😶
friend3 spotted any f1 hotties yet? i hear they all camp out in monaco 👀 ↳ y/nstagram considering i have never watched a Single f1 race i couldn't tell you HAHAH i'm sure they're around here somewhere though ↳ friend3 dude i told you to brush up on f1 😭 how am i supposed to come visit you and have a meet cute with mr lando norris if you don't do your RESEARCH ↳ y/nstagram damn i see how it is,,, using me to get to your vroom vroom men,,,
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3 weeks later
📍café de paris, monaco
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👤 alexandrasaintmleux liked by bffstagram, alexandrasaintmleux and 270 others
y/nstagram finally found someone else to join my café de paris obsession 🥐
bffstagram next bff sweetie run while you can... ↳ y/nstagram stop scaring the pretty bitches off damn 😔 ↳ alexandrasaintmleux bffstagram she won't let me leave 😭 ↳ y/nstagram i deserve better friends ↳ bffstagram you couldn't live without us xx ♥️ y/nstagram
alexandrasaintmleux la prochaine fois, nous irons au casino ! (next time, we go to the casino!) ↳ y/nstagram finance étudiante a dit non (student finance said no) ↳ alexandrasaintmleux 😔 s'il tu plait... pour moi? 🥺 (please... for me?) ↳ y/nstagram pray for my wallet guys...
friend3 wdym you just casually befriended The Alexandra Saint Mleux??? ↳ y/nstagram i thought her skirt was pretty and had no idea she was like famous 😭 then we just kept running into each other !! ↳ friend3 i need to fly out to monaco damn you can't even see her in the pic but ik she looked So pretty... ↳ alexandrasaintmleux i like your friends y/n :p ↳ y/nstagram just wait til you see them drunk,,,
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📍 jimmy'z, monaco
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👤 alexandrasaintmleux, landonorris liked by alexandrasaintmleux, landonorris and 2,962 others
y/nstagram started the night in a night club and ended on a yacht,,, just monaco things (apparently) 🛥️
friend3 y/n if you don't answer my texts RIGHT NOW !!!! ↳ y/nstagram 😉 any reason ml? ↳ friend3 i'm gonna swim to monaco and bite chunks out of your ankles what the FUCK ??? when were you gonna tell me you were just casually hanging with [REDACTED] ↳ landonorris i'm guessing i'm redacted? 😎 ↳ friend3 i need to go lie down ↳ y/nstagram landonorris dude 😭 ↳ landonorris was it something i said? 😉
alexandrasaintmleux meilleure amie 💗 (best friend) ↳ y/nstagram merci de m'avoir invitée ! je t'aime ! (thank you for inviting me! love you!)
maxverstappen1 was lovely meeting you last night schat x ↳ y/nstagram you too max! don't forget to send me those pics of the kids! x ↳ bffstagram kids? ↳ y/nstagram his cats! jimmy and sassy! 🐱❤️🐱 ↳ bffstagram your knack for finding cat people never fails to impress me ♥️ y/nstagram
danielricciardo dude my liver actually hurts... ↳ y/nstagram hey you're the one who suggested a drinking contest ↳ danielricciardo yeah because i normally WIN you freak ↳ y/nstagram i'm a broke uni student, my drink of choice is normally vodka so cheap it's legally paint stripper
georgerussell63 carmen's phone died but she said to remind you about brunch today ↳ y/nstagram on it!! alex is gonna come round and bring me 😊
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👤 maxverstappen1 liked by maxverstappen1, bffstagram and 2,938 others
y/nstagram met some VIC's (very important cats) today! 🐱 also f's in chat for my café de paris 😔
bffstagram f ↳ danielricciardo f ↳ georgerussell63 f ↳ landonorris f ↳ carmenmmundt f ↳ alexandrasaintmleux f ↳ maxverstappen1 f
friend3 babies!! the second pic oh i could cry ↳ y/nstagram she slept there for like 3 hours 😭 managed to actually sit through a whole gp though so a wins a win! ↳ friend3 y/n watching f1?? who is she?? ↳ y/nstagram their dad forced me 💔 ↳ maxverstappen1 um who cheered so loud when i won that she woke poor sassy up?? ↳ y/nstagram 🤐
charles_leclerc i didn't know café de paris do takeout? ↳ maxverstappen1 they do if you're me :) ↳ y/nstagram the only reason i'm considering keeping him around 😉 ↳ alexandrasaintmleux charles_leclerc and why have you never used your influence to get ME takeout café de paris "prince of monaco" ↳ charles_leclerc look what you've done... y/nstagram ♥️ y/nstagram
fan they're definitely max's cats but who is she? ↳ fan she knows alexandra so maybe they're in the same friendship group??
3 months later
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liked by maxverstappen1, bffstagram and 308 others
y/nstagram working hard or hardly working 🌸
alexandrasaintmleux quand avez-vous passé votre examen ? (when's your exam?) ↳ y/nstagram lundi prochain,,, mon ami du café me manque 😔 (next monday,,, missing my cafe friend) ↳ alexandrasaintmleux nous fêterons cela quand tu auras terminé 💗 (we'll celebrate when you're finished)
bffstagram the red bulls... i wait 3 years white man does it in one week ♥️ maxverstappen1 ↳ y/nstagram hey! made him wait at least 2 months :p
friend3 the f1 book.. one of us one of us!! ↳ y/nstagram apparently i can't keep saying "the one with the red cow on it" when talking about his car,,, ↳ maxverstappen1 its a bull... literally a red bull... ↳ y/nstagram blah blah blah it's red and goes moo ↳ maxverstappen1 everyday i wake up to such disrespect ↳ charles_leclerc i'm just glad someone's keeping your ego in check ♥️ y/nstagram
friend1 when are you coming back to england :( ↳ y/nstagram i'm hoping to come visit next month! ↳ maxverstappen1 about that...
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📍 jeddah, saudi arabia
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👤 redbullracing, mine liked by redbullracing, y/nstagram and 1,928,385 others
maxverstappen1 First P1 of the season at the first race! Always grateful to stand on that top podium, especially today 🙂
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fan sorry WHO is that in the third pic????
fan bro soft launching on a race win post...
y/nstagram trots op jou ❤️ proud of you ♥️ maxverstappen1 ↳ fan 🤨
fan did you guys see the way his girl jumped the fence to get to him after he won? relationship goals fr
schecoperez another red bull 1-2! 💪 ↳ maxverstappen1 you gave me a run for my money at the end there old man! ↳ schecoperez less of the old thank you
redbullracing rue when was this ↳ fan admin finding out about max's relationship at the same time as us is so on brand ↳ redbullracing and here i thought we were besties 😔 ↳ maxverstappen1 😉
danielricciardo you look hot in the second photo and it's not just the heat 😍 ↳ fan maxiel lives on ❤️
fan he tagged her as mine BROOOOOO who's got this man so down bad??
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👤 maxverstappen1 liked by maxverstappen1, bffstagram and 194 others
🔒 y/nstagram account locked DOWN but it's so worth it for you ❤️
maxverstappen i'm sorry liefje i should have thought about this before inviting you... ↳ y/nstagram i don't regret going maxie,,, and i certainly don't regret hugging you after the race,, i knew what i was getting into, it's just a lot ❤️ ↳ maxverstappen1 ik ben gek op jou ❤️ (i'm crazy about you) ↳ y/nstagram mijn charmante prins ❤️ (my prince charming)
alexandrasaintmleux you do what's best for you ma cocotte 💗 honestly going private at the start of mine and charles' relationship was one of the best things for us ↳ y/nstagram the woe of being a wag 😔
daniel.jpg dude can you accept my follow request ↳ maxverstappen1 you followed her from your jpg acc but not your main? ↳ daniel.jpg never said i was smart ↳ charles_leclerc ^ ↳ georgerussell63 ^ ↳ landonorris ^ ↳ alexandrasaintmleux ^ ↳ carmenmmundt ^ ↳ maxverstappen1 ^ ↳ y/nstagram ^ ↳ oscarpiastri ^ ↳ daniel.jpg oscarpiastri HOW DID YOU GET HERE?? you haven't even MET y/n yet ↳ y/nstagram that's my son watch your tone. ↳ daniel.jpg i am very sorry miss y/n l/n PLEASE let me in ↳ y/nstagram oscarpiastri shall i? ↳ oscarpiastri lemme think on it ↳ daniel.jpg i hate it here
📍 suzuka, japan
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👤 maxverstappen1 liked by maxverstappen1, y/nstagram and 1,394,582 others
redbullracing a quick look into max's garage! already over halfway through the season and your current world champion is on track for his 4th year running 💪
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maxverstappen1 you know how we do 👊
fan i see a y/n at the back!! ↳ fan who is y/n? ↳ fan his gf! she was first spotted in jeddah and she's been to quite a few of his races this year! ↳ fan do you have her ig? ↳ fan y/nstagram but it's private!
fan 4 time world champ incoming! ♥️ redbullracing
user lewis is gonna reclaim his title! ↳ fan ok gramps lets get you back to the home
fan best team in the world
user oh the gold digger is back ↳ redbullracing blocked, deleted and reported ↳ fan red bull stand on business ↳ redbullracing no one messes with OUR redbull girl! 👊
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👤 maxverstappen1 liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 274 others
🔒 y/nstagram did you know red bull gives you wings? 👼
maxverstappen1 must have taken you forever to think of that caption ↳ y/nstagram what can i say you're dating a comedic genius
friend1 damn ma lend me one of those jackets xx ↳ y/nstagram omg pls take one he won't stop giving them to me,,, ↳ friend1 i'll take the white cap too if you're offering 👀 ↳ y/nstagram 🫡
bffstagram the third pic... y/n STAND UP ↳ y/nstagram he has the prettiest eyes 😍 my man my man my maaaaan ↳ bffstagram we've lost her boys...
alexandrasaintmleux i see the ferrari jacket 👀 ↳ y/nstagram max nearly threw me out of the room fr ↳ maxverstappen1 you deserved it ↳ maxverstappen1 also i'm burning it when you're not looking ↳ y/nstagram charlie gave it to me :((((( ↳ charles_leclerc yeah max you wouldn't burn sweet charlie's jacket would you? ↳ maxverstappen1 i'd burn you IN the jacket if you don't stop ↳ charles_leclerc 🫦 damn i love when you talk dirty to me ↳ y/nstagram ,,, alexandrasaintmleux should we leave them to it? ↳ alexandrasaintmleux after what you showed me on tumblr... yeah maybe we should
daniel.jpg loving the drip ↳ maxverstappen1 has she still not accepted your main follow request? ↳ daniel.jpg no... i know it's oscars fault somehow ↳ oscarpiastri why am i catching strays? ↳ y/nstagram i watched baku 2018 ,, you're lucky i don't block your jpg account ↳ daniel.jpg THAT WAS SO LONG AGO LET ME INNNNNNN
📍 zandvoort, the netherlands
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👤 maxverstappen1 liked by y/nstagram, maxverstappen1 and 1,998,928 others
redbullracing and maxverstappen1 getting P1 and being crowned a 4 time world champion at the final race of the season AND your home race? max verstappen we tip our hats to you 💙
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fan him lifting the trophy and mouthing "this is for you" to y/n i am so lonely oh my god
y/nstagram mijn kampioen ❤️ (my champion) ♥️ redbullracing, maxverstappen1
fan max verstappen world domination!! lets go champ!!!
fan y'know maybe the dutch national anthem isn't too bad...
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👤 maxverstappen1 liked by bffstagram, maxverstappen1 and 290,948 others
y/nstagram i moved to monaco for a degree in french and fell for a dutchman,,,
max, it has been a privilege to know you, to share your happiness and to love and be loved by you. watching you do what you do best fills me with so much joy and i can't wait to see you dominate the track for many more years. here's to you. ik hou van je, mijn kampioen ❤️ (i love you, my champion)
(also hi fans of max, i am very scared about being perceived by so many of you, please be nice ❤️)
maxverstappen1 mijn hart en ziel, ik weet niet hoe ik het in het Engels moet uitdrukken maar bedankt dat je in mijn leven bent gekomen, je maakt alles een beetje mooier. ik hou van je ❤️ (my heart and soul, i don't know how to express it in english but thank you for coming into my life, you make everything a little brighter. i love you) ↳ y/nstagram maxie 🥹 can't wait to celebrate you tonight ❤️
fan hi y/n!!! glad you felt comfortable enough to come off private! we're a nice bunch i promise! (at least most of us are) ♥️ y/nstagram ↳ fan also if anyone is mean to you i will do something that puts me on the national news 🫶
fan we've only seen glimpses of her on tv, max you bagged a baddie DAMN ♥️ maxverstappen1
fan mama y papa ↳ landonorris real ↳ oscarpiastri real
danielricciardo I'M IN !!! ↳ danielricciardo WAIT YOU WENT OFF PRIV??? y/n thats so mean wtf :(
alexandrasaintmleux mon couple préféré 💗 (my favourite couple) ↳ y/nstagram c'est grâce à toi alex, je t'aime 💕 (it's all thanks to you alex, love you)
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👤 y/nstagram liked by y/nstagram, landonorris and 1,386,297 others
maxverstappen1 an appreciation post for mijn liefje. being able to put up with me dragging her halfway across the world nearly every month so i can drive fast cars whilst studying for her degree. graduated top of her class (with an elective in dutch 😉). here's to you and to us. (oh and happy 11 months, i may love you a little bit) ❤️
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y/nstagram my boy ❤️ could't have done it without your support ↳ maxverstappen1 i know, i am an Amazing boyfriend 😉 ♥️ y/nstagram
landonorris congrats y/n! knew there had to be a big brain in that ol' noggin of yours ↳ y/nstagram thanks lan! maybe i can actually teach you some french now 🤓
fan taking a long walk off a very short bridge
redbullracing congratulations to the brains of the couple! hoped you liked the gifts 💙 ↳ y/nstagram a dutch for dummies book, you think you're so funny don't you 😐
fan the flowers 😭😭😭
fan doesn't post about his championship but posts about his girl... need me a man like that
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ridleymocki · 11 months
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(seeing so many bad faith interpretations of the argument, y'all are really going to make me do this, okay HERE WE GO)
.................................
What Ed says: "I think last night was a mistake. I'm not ready for... Whatever this is."
What Ed means: "I didn't want last night to happen so soon or under those circumstances. Things are changing rapidly, which makes me feel out of control and scared."
What Stede hears: "I regret sleeping with you. I don't want the sort of relationship that you're after."
.................................
What Stede says: "It was a fine fish. It was... whatever. I was just trying to make you feel good!"
What Stede means: "I only cared about the fish because you cared about it, and I care about you. I liked the fish because it made you happy. Ordinarily, I'm ambivalent about fish."
What Ed hears: "I lied to you. I didn't care about your achievement I was just placating you to get what I wanted."
.................................
What Ed says: "Here's the news: I'm leaving. I got a job on a little fishing boat and I'm leaving. I'm a fisherman now."
What Ed means: "I think I need to be away from you to figure out who I am, because I haven't been able to do that while we're together, and your lifestyle now is the life I'm trying to leave behind."
What Stede hears: "I've made a decision to leave you and have a life without you. I don't value what we have enough to work with you to find a solution, I'd prefer to end it."
.................................
What Stede says: "Oh, Ed. Seriously? You're not a fisherman."
What Stede means: "I think you're using this plan to escape and avoid your problems. It sounds like you're pretending to be someone else. It seems to me like an impulsive decision and I am concerned."
What Ed hears: "I don't support this ambition. I think you're incapable. I don't think you can be different from what you have always been."
.................................
This is the kind of analysis done in therapeutic environments. When I put what they mean, it's not just a rephrasing but a boiling down to the core issue. I could go on to the rest of the dialogue but do you see the continuing ship-in-the-night miscommunication?? It's tripartite:
failing to express one's current emotional reality with the most accurate and clear language, often because that reality is not fully understood to oneself,
misinterpreting the other's language, due to preexisting sensitivities and defensiveness about one's own understanding of the situation,
increasing frustration and sense of personal attack that results from those misinterpretations, which perpetuates and worsens the poor communication.
Importantly, this kind of pattern means you miss the best and most important kernels of communication in an exchange because you're reacting to the more inflammatory parts.
Stede: "This can be whatever we want it to be." (I am willing to make changes to our arrangement so that you're happy). Ed: "I don't even know who I am! Alright? I know I don't want to be a pirate. And you, you're blowing up, you're the toast of the town." (I think we want different things. You're just starting a journey that I've already finished).
With those two bits alone they could've sorted this out. The first is the answer to the second. But they didn't -- couldn't -- latch onto it because all their other baggage was getting in the way.
And I'm being proven correct that this is what is happening, because I have seen next to nothing on here about the above two lines, only reactionary takes of fans also focusing on the inflammatory parts because of their predispositions. You're doing an encore performance of what they're doing.
Point being, there are no bad guys in this scene, just repeated system failure!
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exhaslo · 6 months
Text
Over-Time
CEO!Miguel x Shy/Clumsy!Reader!
Warning: MINORS DNI, eventual smut, slow-burn, mentions of sex, bullying, cussing
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"Dear, (Y/N), you have been selected to join us for a group interview at Alchemax. Please arrive at appointed date and time below. Read and follow all instructions to ensure your interview. We can't wait to meet you."
Unable to fathom what you had just read, a loud gasp escaped your lips instead. All you really read was interview. Everything else blurred out since you were so excited to finally have a chance to leave your current job.
"Oh my gosh! Do I even have the proper clothes for an interview there?! I can't believe it!" You whispered, resisting a squeal.
This was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Alcehmax was one of the biggest companies in Nueva York. Everyone in their right mind wanted to get even a chance to work there. Hell, some people were happy just being a janitor there.
It was all anyone wanted to gloat about. Getting an interview was nearly impossible and yet, your clumsy ass managed to get it. You had prayed to every God you could think of. The questionnaire was a nightmare and where people failed the most.
"Okay, okay! I have to prepare...I have to practice..." You told yourself.
Interviews were hard for you. You were nervous around new people and freaked out when asked hard questions. Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you just smiled. You got this far. You had an interview to take and succeed in.
---------
"Lyla, have we found anyone decent enough within the last two group interviews?" Miguel asked with a grumble.
Lyla, Miguel's private assistant, just laughed. She took off her designer glasses and placed them on Miguel's desk. Miguel was the CEO of Alchemax. One of the richest men in all of Nueva York, and a man with a quick temper.
"We have some potential candidates for the open slot in Marketing, but no one to replace me for when I go on my vacaaaation~" Lyla sang happily. Miguel felt his eye twitch,
"Yes, I know. You haven't stopped bragging about your damn vacation all week. Would have been nice if you mentioned it sooner-"
"Oh, don't give me that, Migs. I had it pop up on your calendar every week for the past three months reminding you! It isn't my fault you don't look."
"I am a busy man. You know that because you make my schedule," Miguel hissed lowly then pinched the bridge of his nose, "Just-Ugh, I just find me someone who won't try and suck my dick within the first week."
Lyla just snickered as she typed on her tablet, "You need to find someone. Maybe it will make you less of a grump." She mocked.
Miguel exhaled loudly, glaring towards his assistant. It was a good thing that Miguel could tolerate that woman. Lyla was a close friend of his and knew how to push his buttons.
Leaning back in his seat, Miguel closed his eyes as he took the moment to rest. Lyla was going to be gone for a few months. She sure knew how to utilize her vacation time. Hell, Lyla had a tough job dealing with him. She deserved it.
"I just need someone....quiet."
---------
How could a building give off such an intimidating presence? It was as if all those powerful inside were warding off the weak and frail. The start of a challenging, yet welcoming part of your life. If you managed to do good in the interview.
Inhaling deeply, you gripped onto your folder and finally had the courage to make your way inside. You heard the stories, but Alchemax sure was a force to be reckon with. The inside of the reception floor felt like another world.
You had arrived super early. You were scared of being late and well, knowing yourself, you were probably going to get lost. Hopefully, your clumsiness won't get in the way of your interview.
"Ah-"
Magic words. Just thinking of it alone caused you to goof up. You had accidently bumped into someone while admiring the inside of the building.
"I-I'm s-so sorry!" You stuttered, panicked that you were fucking up already, "I wasn't looking! I'm sorry!"
"It's alright. Are you okay?" The man spoke as you picked up your paperwork that fell.
Tears were starting to form as you thought of running away. Glancing up at the stranger you bumped into, you sniffed and tried to compose yourself. The man before you had bend down and helped with your paperwork.
"No need to be afraid, I won't bite." The man said with a warming smile. You gulped, finding him very attrative,
"I'm sorry again."
"Oh? An interview?"
"Ah, yes. I'm a little early, but since I've never been here I wanted to make sure...I wouldn't get lost," You admited as he handed your paperwork, "Thank you. My name is (Y/N)."
"Miguel,"
You stood up, staring at the towering man before you. That name sounded familiar, but you were so focused on your goof up to remember. Everyone was probably staring at you, laughing and knowing that you were probably going to flunk the interview now.
"Come, I'll take you to the floor you're going to be at. There are drinks in the lobby once you arrive. Help yourself."
"Ah, thank you."
You were just lucky to have bumped into someone as nice as Miguel. If it were anyone else, they would have probably made you feel worse than you already do now.
---------
Miguel stayed quiet as he led you to the elevator. He won't lie that it was slightly amusing to find someone who didn't immediately recognized him. That and quite refreshing. Miguel wondered what you would think if you found out that he was the CEO.
Glancing ever so slightly in your direction, Miguel couldn't help but smile. It was like you were in your own little world. You were fumbling with your fingers while you had a slight look of panic on your face. Honestly, that was how people should look for an interview.
Alchemax was not a place to enter with confidence.
"What position are you applying for?" Miguel asked, wanting to ease your nerves.
"Oh!" You gasped lowly, "Marketing."
"Hm. How good are you with planning and scheduling?" He asked casually. Your shoulders raised slightly,
"I, um, I like to...It's easier for me when I have everything in an itinerary. Makes for unnecessary distractions and delays. I find myself at ease with a schedule," You admitted with such a carefree smile.
"And organization?"
"If I'm not overwhelmed I'm great with organizing things." You chirped, "Oh, um, will I get a lot of people talking and asking me questions if I do get hired here? I...I'm just a little shy and if I get overwhelmed I do tend to be clumsy."
Miguel resisted a chuckle, finding you quite entertaining. After another second of silence, Miguel watched as you gasped and covered your face with your folder.
How cute.
---------
How embarrassing!
Just because he was a handsome face and kind to you, doesn't mean you could get comfortable! It took you hours to practice talking to yourself in the mirror to prepare for an interview and now you were blabbing away nonsense to a stranger!
Feeling the elevator come to a stop. You gasped lowly, admiring the lobby before you.
"Here is your stop." Miguel spoke.
"Thank you," You bowed your head slightly, still embarrassed from rambling off.
As you stepped off the elevator, you gulped. Nerves started to kick in as you took your first step to a better future.
"Oh, and (Y/N)," Miguel called out, causing you to turn, "Best of luck."
"T-Thank you!"
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Next Chapter
@timidquindim @decentsoupperson
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marlshroom · 1 month
Text
came to the fucked up realization after finishing gravity falls again last night the parallels of the dream bubble bill made for mabel and the literal state of delusion he keeps himself in.
in the book of bill on the page where bill cipher describes how he figured out a way to manipulate her into giving him the rift, it says:
"Summers ending, my guy. Ending to death, bro. She'd do anything to make it last just a day longer. Probably something RASH and OUT OF CHARACTER, even!"
as we know, mabel cannot handle the fact that she will be growing up. that the relationship with her brother is going to change. she is scared of high school.
bill then says "That was it. She'd never make a deal with me. But she'd make a deal with someone she believed could give her more time. The dream was done. I had her."
bill then creates the dream bubble for mabel, he makes every one of her dreams come true, a place where time is still and she can be a kid forever. a lie so great that she wont have to face the truth.
in journal 3 on one of the pages bill is writing in code, we see this:
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[ID: "I ask you, why must[should] time only move forward? Why must cause preceded effect. Who voted on the law of physics."]
my friend helped me break down what bill means by this:
why can we only move forward in the 4th dimension of time. why does something have to make another thing happen, why must cause come before the effect. why cant you move backwards, in the other direction, change the decisions youve made.
how interpret this is bill asking why he is not able to back and stop what he did to his family. he says to ford that he tried and failed to undo the past.** why did him wanting people to acknowledge his advantages instead of suppress him lead to the destruction of his whole dimension?
**(i just want to point out that this is probably the time where bill is the MOST open to anybody, or at least the first. to his henchmaniacs he had been telling them that he liberated his dimension until the oracle discovered the truth. here, to ford, he got so much closer to telling the truth. he SHOWS ford the last atoms of his world. he says that it was destroyed by a monster, not that it was liberated! destroyed)
back to when bill says "I had her" about mabel, he had her cause he knew exactly what needed to happen to trap mabel in a delusion because it is exactly what he is doing to himself. creating a fake narrative of what happened to him, that he was vindicated in killing his whole dimension. only ever doing exactly what he wants because confronting the truth is too scary for him(good fucking lord). the morality page offers good insight into this too.
i am actually just going to quote the whole page and highlight the important part. it speaks for itself really
"THE POINT IS it's[morality] is a very flexible concept! But parents and presidents don't want you to know that, because then you might start asking other questions, like who put them in charge, anyway? So they cram your brain full of guilt and regrets for transgressing the laws that they just made up(the laws that they made to prevent the destruction of their dimension, regardless of if the law + the wrongful medication of a fucking baby triangle did any good to actually prevent it). Wouldn't it be nice if you could put all that baggage down? Quell the shame that follows you everywhere for a lifetime of crimes? MAKE THE SCREAMS FINALLY STOP? The good news is you CAN silence that annoying voice, and here's how!
DENIAL
Works 100% of the time in every situation. What you you mean there are people who disagree? I can confidently say there aren't!
RATIONALIZATION
If you can do it, you can justify it! "Truth" is open-source code and anyone can edit it anytime! Want to be like me? List 3 "evil" things and then 3 "reasons why they're actually good." You'll be rationalizing like Bill in no time!
DETACHMENT
Did you know 100% of your human cells die and are replaced every 7 years? That means that anything you did 7 years ago wasn't even you-it was some dead loser! You can't be held accountable for what a dead person did! What? You think this is just another form of rationalization? I DENY THAT!
THE BILL CIPHER DECISION METHOD!
Working over the eons, the voices in my head teamed up and worked out a foolproof method for making any decision in any situation.
DO WHATEVER I WANT."
ooooooooooooooooooh boy.
he is fully admitting here that he is living in a completely different really in order to justify doing whatever he wants. he gives mabel the tools to deny, to rationalize, to detach herself from the reality of it all. that time has to move forward. and he thinks it will work because it worked on himself.
but it doesn't work on mabel because she understands that she needs other people. shes vunerable, she lets people in, admits when shes wrong. and bill cant do that because it would destroy the fantasy he's created for himself.
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churipu · 8 months
Text
THE MOMENT THEY REALIZE THEY'RE IN LOVE ִ ࣪𖤐
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featuring. gojo satoru, sukuna ryomen, itadori yuuji, toji fushiguro x reader
warnings. cursing, college! au, toji being a single father during his second term of uni (i searched that most japanese college uses 2 terms or trimester system / 3 terms, 1 term of uni in japan is around 15 weeks apparently) -> please tell me if i get this wrong.
note. omg, for the anons who have sent in requests to me, i apologize if these came out before your requests did, i'm trying to empty out my drafts :( but pls note that i am not ignoring your requests at all, it will be written, i promise <;33
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GOJO SATORU
when he finds himself checking his phone countless of times, waiting for your message
i promise you, you both started out as work partners in one of your lectures. the two of you were complete strangers to each other — he doesn't know you, and you don't know him. but, either way, the two of you had to get to know each other because this was a crucial grade to pass this lecture.
gojo never thought about having feelings towards you, his work partner. he thought to himself, he'd just get this work done, pass this lecture, and never see you again.
but fate is a funny thing.
the way you made him feel like he wasn't just special because of his face, but his heart too. whereas most people in campus would consider him the pretty boy who could go head-to-head with the hottest celebrities — they just think of him as a pretty boy. and gojo would just go along with them, he gets used to it.
but you? you didn't consider him special at all. although, you did make him feel special the way other people can't.
gojo deep down, knows he was fucked up the moment he finds himself checking his phone to see if you'd reply to his messages, and when you do, he gets so happy. gojo was never a fast responder to everyone — because he practically receives the same kind of messages, "gojo hang out with us", "gojo go out with me", "gojo i like you".
but with you? he won't waste a second at all. even if sometimes you didn't reply as fast as he does, because you are a busy person in campus. you'll work on that after you both started dating, i promise.
SUKUNA RYOMEN
when you stood up for him when nobody would.
sukuna, how do i say this? not everyone is fond of him, people are scared of him — they talk shit behind his back, and don't dare to approach him. people dreaded when they have to be in the same group with him, despite the fact that he actually works; they still think he's a bad person.
"you guys are talking shit to a person who's in our group, if you want to say something to him, have the balls to say it to his face. and while he's here, why don't you tell him about it?" you tell the two people who were sitting beside you, who had been talking in whispers about how they were unlucky to be grouped up with sukuna.
and sukuna? he could honestly care less, he'd gotten used to those kind of things anyway. but when you actually stood up for him, he could only look at you with an amused smile.
he's definitely curious about you after that day — he has pride. and he'd never admit that he's actually pretty thankful that you, the first person to stand up for him, actually did what you did. because now people are a little terrified of being told off by you.
sukuna finally sucks it up at the end of the semester and tries to talk to you. yes, it took him the whole semester to talk to you, asking you for your number, and then thanking you for what you did because nobody has ever done that before to him.
ITADORI YUUJI
when you went all out to tutor him so he'd pass his lectures, teaching him patiently when he doesn't understand something.
yuuji hates studying. and when his lecturer asked you to tutor him, he feels extremely bad for you — he feels that he'd just going to waste your time tutoring him, when he knows that he's going to fail this one subject.
but when you reassured him, and encouraged him. saying that you will do anything to teach him so that he could pass, he gets a little emotional at the thought. you both were just mere classmates, and he barely knows you, vice versa.
when he doesn't understand a topic, he gets so frustrated at himself for not being able to understand it. but you, you were very patient with the male, reassuring him that you had the time to teach him over so that he will be able to understand the said topic.
and when he does finally understand, he gets so happy. he started looking forwards to your tutoring sessions, and like everyone said: if you enjoy something, it passes by quickly. and it's true, yuuji feels like time went by in a flash, and the exams soon started.
he passed with flying colors, he makes sure that you know about his grades — and points out that without you, he wouldn't be able to pass. yuuji, gets a little upset when he realizes that if the exams are over, you had no more tutoring sessions with him; which meant no more conversations.
so he has to ask you out right then, he didn't want to just return as mere classmates. he wanted to be more than that.
TOJI FUSHIGURO
when you didn't care about his shitty reputation of being a single father while still being on the second term of uni.
being a single parent is hard enough. not to mention, in university. not married, with a baby itself gets a lot of unwanted (negative) attention — toji, who once failed to get a babysitter on a weekday, and so he had to bring his eight month old son to class.
his son—megumi— was a calm baby, thankfully. the young one didn't cry or babble during lectures, and he just slept through it. toji was a little relieved to say the least, but ever since people find out about him being a single father to an eight month old baby, a lot of assumptions and words have gone around.
toji hated group works, especially when he has to pick the group himself. people didn't want a single father to be in their group, they assumed that the male would focus on his baby and ends up deserting the group work.
so when that particular day where he has to bring megumi to campus, strapped on a baby carrier on his chest. his lecturer just had to give out a partner work, and to add the cherry on top; the lecturer left the class to choose their own partner. so the male sat on his place, a pencil in between his nose and upper lip as he puckered them lightly — hearing his classmates choosing each other.
he figured that he could just do this and get the grade himself, solo. but when you came up and slipped into the seat next to him, he was of course surprised.
you asked him if he would like to partner up with you for this work, and after a few seconds, he accepted your offer.
toji knew it was getting bad when you didn't care about what people say about you getting close to him. just by choosing him for this work made your reputation falter a bit, and he was honestly ready for you to back out of the partner work.
but you didn't, and he knew it's bad for him, his feelings, and his heart.
the way you treated him and megumi like they're both normal (which they are normal humans), and the way you always make him feel included makes his heart race. sometimes, when he fails to look for a babysitter when you both are working for this project, you tell him he didn't have to since megumi is a calm baby.
he finds himself in awe when baby megumi plays with you during both of your little meet ups outside of class to do the project. he's in love.
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© CHURIPU 2024 , DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE
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mcflymemes · 1 month
Text
THE MUMMY (1999) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue from the film, adjust as necessary
looks to me like you're on the wrong side of the river!
by the way... why did you kiss me?
it seemed like a good idea at the time.
that's called stealing, you know.
is it dangerous?
stop it! you'll kill them!
get me a glass of bourbon.
this just keeps getting better and better.
this door doesn't open.
who opened that chest?
i only want four!
the map! i forgot the map!
i think he's filthy, rude, a complete scoundrel. i don't like him one bit.
i guess we go home empty-handed... again.
look what i got.
i think you found something.
what exactly is this man in prison for?
you just got promoted.
you're with me on this one, right?
keep him busy.
we are in serious trouble.
this creature is the bringer of death.
you must not read from the book!
where are they taking him?
there's only one person i know that can possibly give us any answers.
can you look me in the eye and guarantee me that this isn't all some kind of flimflam?
i'm a very lonely man.
look at my library!
you're gonna get yours, [name]!
never did like camels.
what do you suppose killed him?
time to go.
take my hand, and i will spare your friends.
will you look at that?
do they know something we don't?
i need a new job.
have you no respect for the dead?
i've dreamt about this since i was a little girl.
you dream about dead guys?
patience is a virtue.
any last requests?
loosen the knot and let me go.
i don't think we need to know this.
ooh... that's gotta hurt.
you... i just don't get.
you probably won't live through it.
everybody else we've bumped into has died. why not you?
you're wondering... what is a place like me doing in a girl like this?
yeah, i was there.
can you swim?
of course we don't let him go!
you'll be dead when they do this.
i think i'll kill you.
think of my children.
i only gamble with my life, never my money.
i may not be an explorer or an adventurer, or a treasure-seeker or a gunfighter, but i am proud of what i am.
give me frogs! flies! locusts! anything but you!
compared to you, the other plagues were a joy.
i am so very sorry. it was an accident.
you are a catastrophe.
oh my god, i hate it when these things do that.
is he supposed to look like that?
of course i can swim, if the occasion calls for it.
now, because of you, we have failed.
you think this justifies the killing of innocent people?
what did you say?
i don't want to tell you.
let me get this straight.
you don't have any children.
you lied to me.
i lie to everybody.
what makes you so special?
sorry. didn't mean to scare you.
the only thing that scares me are your manners.
have you got any bright ideas?
i'm thinking. i'm thinking!
you'd better think of something fast.
what are we going to do?
wait here! i'll go get help!
i thought you said you didn't believe in all this fairy tales and hokum stuff.
forget it! we're out the door, we're down the hall, and we're gone!
i told you not to play around with that thing.
you heard the man. no mortal weeapons can kill this guy.
listen! we've got to do something!
is that my problem?
i appreciate you saving my life and all, but when i signed on, i agreed to take you out there and bring you back. end of job, end of story, contract terminated.
that's all i am to you? a contract?
you can either tag along with me or stay here and try to save the world.
do something!
you know, nasty little fellows such as yourself always get their comeuppance.
what's the challenge then?
rescue the damsel in distress, kill the bad guy, and save the world.
death is only the beginning.
why are you going back?
i'm going downstairs to get me a drink. you want something?
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boiohboii · 9 months
Text
How would that keep us safe?
(Kimi Raikkonen x pregnant!wife!reader)
Inspo
When a formula 1 driver's car fails on them, they would a. be angry, b. go straight to their engineers, c. stay in the team's motor home.. but not kimi raikkonen, no sir, especially not with his pregnant wife on a yacht on her own.
or
in which Sebastian Vettel, Mark Webber and Jenson Button make fun of the infamous ice man for being head over heels for his wife so he just decides to double down.
WARNINGS: not proof read (when do I ever proof read this stuff), no sense of timeline whatsoever, just a small crackhead fic that came to mind. Thank you insta algorithm for the Kimi edits, the man is so fine omg, solid dilf right here people.
Masterlist
"God," yn huffed as she, for an accurate description, waddled alongside her husband, Kimi Raikkonen into the Mclaren garage "if you don't keep it in your pants next time I will chop it off."
"Yes dear." Kimi replied with a smile on his face, hiding his laughter as best as he could to spare himself the lecture that would inevitably make him laugh harder- he can't help it, his wife is much more adorable trying to give him an earful with her puffed cheeks, stomping feet and her belly looking like it's about to pop at any second.
It hadn't even been 30 minutes before yn started to feel the heat getting to her, making her fan herself with the collar of her shirt while glaring at the fan that evidently did nothing to help her out.
"Everything alright dear?"
"No, no!" yn turned to look at her husband "it's so fucking hot i feel like my skin is melting off and your daughter wouldn't stop kicking my bladder so no, nothing is fucking alright!"
While the engineers around gulped, scared for their lives, Kimi bit his lips to avoid smiling at his very cute, frustrated wife. He had gotten used to her snapping at him whenever any little thing annoyed her, he knew it's the least he can do and she always apologises so no harm done really.
"It's okay, here, how about you go watch the race from the yacht? Will that be better?" Kimi whispered as he stood behind his wife with his hands underneath her belly, lifting it up to give his wife some rest.
"Oh my god," yn groaned in relief "I really needed that, I love you."
Staying like that for a few minutes, yn agreed that it would be much better if she watched the race from the yacht in her swimming suit, the atmosphere and the clothing would definitely make it much more comfortable for her. And just as she was about to leave, new company arrived.
"Ohhh, did he piss you off enough to leave him before a race?"
"Damn Kimi, don't make a pregnant woman that mad, especially not your wife."
The voices of Sebastian Vettel and Jenson Button joined the couple, along with the laugh of Mark Webber.
"Oh, shut up." As much as Kimi tells yn that he would rather eat chalk than willingly hang out with these guys, he is indeed fond of them.
"He didn't piss me off," yn pulled her husband down so she could kiss him, smiling upon hearing two of the three newcomers groan and a whistle (of course it's sebastian) "i just feel like I will burst any second so I am going to watch the race from One More Toy"
"What the fuck is one more toy?"
"Oh, it's kimi's yacht."
"Our yacht."
Placing one palm on her belly while his other rests on her cheek, Kimi smiled at his wife "be safe, yes?"
"Yeah, of course."
Giving her a kiss on her forehead, Kimi let go of his wife, watching her head towards his yacht with the help of one of the interns.
"Be safe." Came the mocking voice of Jenson Button
"I'll be so safe." Sebastian continued as they both reincarnated the way Kimi and Yn were standing a few seconds ago; Jenson's hands on Sebastian's stomach and cheek
"I'm going to kill you on this track."
Deciding to join, Mark stood in between Sebastian and Jenson, breaking up their proximity and placing his arms around their shoulders "but how would that keep us safe?"
"An engine failure, yet again from Mclaren."
"It seems like Raikkonen is the one who will retire this race, what a shame."
"Everyone was hoping for him to win this race, he had been phenomenal these past few races giving one stellar performance after the other, truly a waste to see him go this early into the race."
"Well, it looks like Kimi is going to walk to the garage."
"That is insane, it's like a 20 minute walk, no?"
"And we are back, and oh my god, there is Kimi Raikkonen in his yacht, he hasn't got a shirt on, with his wife on his lap, the father to be could not care less in this moment ladies and gentlemen."
"What a legend, the Iceman strikes again everyone, leaving the race to be on a yacht with his family. And oh my god, it seems that the couple are having the time of their lives on their yacht 'one more toy' with snacks all around and their hands all over each other."
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ariesangelxo · 4 months
Text
mornings - part two
MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI
cw: more angst, still no comfort (i promise it’s coming in the next part), heartbreak, one mention of panic attacks, prescription benzo use, recreational coke use, drinking, arguing, mention of a gun and a gunshot at the end, not proofread lol
an: thank u all SO SO much for all of the love on part one !!! i am blown away and in awe. there also will be a part three for sure <3
part three
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the past twenty-six days had not been kind to you. your mornings were spent rotting away in bed until your mom would force you to get up, her expression of concern always made you feel even worse. your days weren’t much better, you forced yourself to detach from your heart and numb your emotions. it was the only way you knew how to keep going. you put on a mask during the day with your parents, giving them occasional smiles and laughs that weren’t the kind that warmed their hearts. they knew you weren’t okay, but they also knew they couldn’t force you to talk about it or you’d shut down completely. your nights consisted of taking a benzodiazepine in order to fall asleep, you couldn’t sleep without them. you tried, it only led to intense panic attacks and hysterical sobs that made your mother’s heart break in front of you.
this morning had been a bit different. you were awakened when you felt a weight in your bed, and in the haze of waking up you initially thought it was rafe. you shot up the moment you remembered everything, eyes widening and heart racing, but you looked over to see sarah in your bed. "oh my god, sarah you scared the hell out of me!" you exclaimed, holding a hand over your chest.
she let out a giggle, "i'm sorry, your mom let me in. i miss you," her tone was gentle. you had become very close with sarah during your relationship with rafe. being over at the cameron's house so often led to a beautiful friendship forming between the two of you. she was like a sister to you, something you cherished deeply as you didn't grow up with a sister.
you felt a pang of guilt in your chest at her words. you knew she missed you, she'd messaged you every single day since your break up without fail, even if you didn't always text back. you had seen her a couple times, but when she asked about what happened, you told her you weren't ready to talk about it. sarah was incredibly understanding, knowing how much you loved her brother and not wanting to push you too far.
"i miss you too, sar. i'm sorry i've been such a shit friend lately." you responded to her. you gave her a small smile, curling up next to her as she sat against your headboard.
"it's okay, i know you're not doing great with everything going on right now," she trailed off with a sad smile, "but, you're going out with me tonight!" she became animated as she spoke.
you didn't have it in your heart to deny her, not when she looked at you like you were the most important person in her world. "you know i can't say no to you. where are we going?" you asked curiously.
"there's going to be a huge party at the boneyard, and you're coming with me. no ifs, ands, or buts." she giggled out, "i need to get you out of your room, you're rotting away in here, babe."
"god, you sound just like my mother," you teased back. "i'll go though, i miss you more than you know. i even miss the pogues a bit." you both laughed, referencing her newer relationship with john b.
you couldn't prevent your curiosity from getting the better of you, "how- how has he been?"
sarah bit her lip, debating internally how much to tell you. "he's been... not great. i don't see him much when i'm home, he's usually in his room with the door shut. he's been a lot more moody too, snapping at literally everyone in the house. it probably didn't help that i told him he's an idiot and he fucked up the best thing to ever happen to him."
you couldn't suppress the laugh that slipped through your lips or the slight satisfaction you felt knowing that you weren't the only one struggling. "i love you sar. thank you." you leaned over, giving her a hug.
"i love you too. now get your ass up and shower. we're getting you a new outfit for the party."
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you spent the next few hours strolling through the streets of figure eight with sarah. your arms held multiple shopping bags, filled with clothes she insisted you needed for tonight. you were incredibly grateful that she had forced you out of bed, you actually felt human for the first time since everything happened.
you found yourself in a small cafe, giggling as sarah told you a story from one of her drunken adventures with the pogues.
“you know… you should talk to jj tonight. i know he thinks you’re hot.” sarah gave you a mischievous smile as she wiggled her brows.
“funny,” you rolled your eyes playfully at her, “but it’s way too soon for me to get into anything with anybody right now.”
“i didn’t mean start dating him, i just think you would have fun together.”
“i just- i don’t know, sar. i’ve been such a wreck these past few weeks… can i tell you what happened?” you looked up from your fingers to meet her eyes, now widened with shock.
“yeah, of course you can. but don’t feel like you have to if you don’t want to.”
you were grateful for her support, going into your explanation of how the last couple months of your relationship, rafe’s behavior changed drastically. sarah hung on to your every word, needing to know exactly what led to the end of your relationship.
“and so i walked into the country club to surprise him. i spent the whole morning getting ready, did my makeup how he likes, even wore a new sundress that i know he would have loved. but i walked in and…” you looked up as your vision began to blur, “he was talking with some bitch i’ve never seen before bartending. she had short brunette hair, but he fucking smirked at her the way he only does- did for me. and- and then, she basically fucking held his hand while she fucked him with her eyes, and he let it happen!”
you spit the words out like they were poison on your tongue, not noticing your voice beginning to raise with frustration. sarah’s jaw was nearly on the floor.
“what the- what the fuck?” she racked her brain, trying to remember if she’d seen anyone matching your description recently, but nothing came to her.
“god, shit. i’m so sorry, babe. i don’t know what the fuck is wrong with him.” she attempted to console you as you dabbed your eyes with a napkin.
you shrugged your shoulders, “what’s done is done. i just want to forget about everything for a while.”
she nodded, “then let’s go get ready. we can pregame at yours and ride with john b and them.”
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after a few shots, a couple hours spent transforming yourself to not look like you spent the last three weeks trying to cope with your break up, and a lot of laughter, you and sarah were ready to go.
you wore a cropped loosely crocheted white sweater over your pink bikini and a white miniskirt that hugged your hips , the strings from your bottom peaking out from the top of it. you were finally feeling good about yourself again, and you’d be damned if you let anyone ruin it.
the ride to the boneyard only lifted your spirits more. it was impossible not to laugh around the pogues, especially when jj did whatever he could to hear your giggle.
you arrived just as the party was beginning to pick up. relief flooded your veins when you didn’t see rafe anywhere. you knew it was a possibility he’d be here, but it was going to be significantly easier to have a decent night without his presence lingering around.
you filled up a red solo cup at the keg, downing the cheap alcohol before refilling it.
“slow down there, or you might not make it too long.” jj approached you, giving you a flirty smile.
you gave him a laugh in response, “i’ll be fine, jay. i just want to be able to let loose tonight.”
“stick by me then, don’t want any of these pervs creeping on you.” the thinly veiled concern in his voice made you smile. you know he’s flirting, but it’s clear he wants to keep you safe knowing it’s your first night out in so long.
you spent the next hour surrounded by the pogues, and true to his word, jj looked out for you. he did so well that you failed to notice who had shown up to the party, the one and only rafe cameron.
rafe, on the other hand, saw you immediately upon arriving. it was impossible for him not to when your presence demanded his attention. he was not happy to see who you were hanging around with. his ongoing beef with the pogues was well known by everybody on the island. he didn’t come to party though, he had other business to attend to as barry gave him a side eye, “fuck are you doing, country club? you can fight for your girl later, we’ve got shit to do.”
your drink had somehow disappeared. your furrowed your brows as you looked down, giggling to yourself as you told your friends you were going to get another one. you were at the perfect level of drunk, not to the point of blacking out or vomiting, but to where you couldn’t quite walk in a straight line and everything was funny to you.
you stumbled up to the keg, starting to fill up your cup when you felt someone watching you. the hairs on the back of your neck stood up, you instantly knew who it was. it was as though there was a chip in you that alerted you to when he was nearby. you took a deep breath as you turned your head slightly, seeing rafe sat next to a man you didn’t know as he handed a small plastic bag filled with overpriced coke to a touron. rafe’s eyes didn’t leave you as he signaled him to leave.
you could hear your heartbeat in your ears, the hand holding onto your cup now trembling and the lump in your throat building. rafe stood, starting to approach you as you froze. your brain was screaming at you to run but your body refused to move an inch.
“what the fuck do you want, cameron?” your words were spat out with venom. your tone clearly surprised you both as he looked shocked momentarily. you were typically one to stand your ground, but never ever was your attitude aimed towards him.
“what do you mean ‘what the fuck do i want’? you fucking up and left out of nowhere and haven’t spoken to me in almost a month.” his voice was filled with anger, his nose flaring as he clenched his jaw.
you let out a humorless laugh, “out of nowhere? you can’t be serious, rafe. you treated me like shit the last few months of our relationship.” you didn’t yet mention seeing his interaction with the bartender at the country club, not knowing if topper and kelce had told him about seeing you when you left that fateful day.
“what? be-because i couldn’t be with you twenty-four fucking seven? like i- i wasn’t out working my ass off to afford nice shit for you?”
“‘working your ass off’ will you stop fucking lying to me? i fucking saw you at the country club,” his facial expression showed confusion, bringing his brows together to try and understand what you were talking about, “you let that bitch touch you, you looked at her how you used to look at me. i spent hours getting ready, i showed up, wanting to surprise my boyfriend for lunch, and what do i see? my boyfriend letting some bartender hang off of him while he flirts with her?”
your voice had raised as you got more and more angry. you were now shouting at him as other partygoers failed to hide their stares and murmuring. nobody ever talked to the kook prince the way you currently were, unless they wanted their face bashed in.
rafe grabbed your arm harshly, pulling you down the beach and away from others. you stumbled behind him, knowing you weren’t physically or mentally strong enough to push him away.
when you looked up at him, you suddenly noticed his blown-out pupils. you felt your heart sink. “you’re using again.” you stated flatly.
he scoffed, rolling his eyes at you. “don’t act like you fucking care.” he spat out at you.
“jesus fucking christ- rafe, when did you start again?”
“don’t worry about it. when did you come to the country club?” his tone was demanding, sparking further irritation in you.
“the day i left. i- i let a lot of shit slide for too long, because… because i wanted to be a good girlfriend and support you when i thought you were just stressed out from work. and, in return, i get to watch my boyfriend make me look like a fucking idiot.”
rafe was silent for a minute, his lips pursed as he clearly was trying to remember what he was doing before he came home to an angry ward and an empty room. then realization hit him, he knew exactly what you were talking about. he brought his palm up to his face, groaning.
when he was about to speak, he was cut off. “is cameron bothering you?” jj’s familiar voice called out. you looked past rafe’s large figure to see all of the pogues standing beside him, looking ready for a fight if it came to it.
rafe gave a humorless chuckle, “stay the fuck out of it, pogue.” he clearly wouldn’t go down without a fight either.
your heart stopped for a moment and your body filled with ice cold terror as jj pulled out a gun that was hidden behind his back in his waistband. it was clear you weren’t the only one not expecting it as the rest of them looked at jj with concern, john b telling him to put it away. “yeah? let’s fucking go, rafe. been itching for a fight for too long.”
everything became blurred. the mixture of shouting, seeing figures suddenly moving towards each other, and the unmistakeable sound of a gunshot, and then everything went black.
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