#like we've done that and the outcome is always bad

[bihet-dragonize]

I'm officially tired of seeing ai art discourse

[baileybeez]

My Top 10 Catradora Moments (My Opinion Obviously)

10. Adora Has Always Loved Catra

This is the moment I believe Adora firmly knows she's in love with Catra. I know she's in love with Catra beforehand but I believe this is the first time she realizes 'I'm in love with Catra'. Adora is getting ready to face an uncertain outcome with Horde Prime and she's trying to remain strong. But we can see glimpses of her looking for Catra wanting to her come back. We then see as she's heading to the Heart of Etheria, memories are being projected. The first one that comes up that really hits Adora is Catra. Catra saying her last and classic 'Hey Adora' and Adora is at first thrilled she's back. But then it changes to Catra when she was younger training in the fright zone, Catra from when she was chipped, Catra from Season 4, Catra from season's 1-3 and then current Catra. This to me screams 'Adora has always loved Catra despite all the hardships they've endured'. Even though she realizes deep down, this isn't the real Catra, she wanted to reciprocate her touch. But then the fake Catra disappears as Adora is almost off the edge.

Also this scene brought that iconic 'Somewhere Only We Know' tiktok.

9. God She's Cute When She Laughs

Everyone knows I'm a sucker for fluff so this little moment always stuck out to me. We've seen Catra blush before and she looked at Adora's New She Ra Form and was like 'Damn...she kinda bad.' But this one was so sweet and wholesome. Catra at first is annoyed cause they're teasing her about how cute her helmet is and at first you think she's gonna be defensive about it. At first she is but then she see's Adora laugh and freezes. Adora is so happy Catra is getting along with her friends and is back to the Catra she grew up with. And Catra just smiles at Adora, any frustration she had melted away.

8. Princess Prom

Ya'll this episode was the reason I gave She-Ra a shot. I saw this scene floating around online and I just had to find out what was going on. At the time, I had only recently accepted myself as sapphic and this was one of the first scenes that caught my attention during that time. There were already strong hints of Catradora later becoming a thing but this scene hit differently. We get to see the dynamic these two would have for a few more seasons. The shift between them as they become enemies while still seeing they still care for one another.

7. It's Over, He's Gone

The end moment with these two in She-Ra was fantastic. Hearing Catra's soft 'Adora' as the two smile at each other was adorable. Adora reaches out her hand to Catra and reassures her that it's over and that Horde Prime is gone. These two had gone through so much because of the Horde. And now, their foreheads touch as they're just happy they made it to their happy beginning for each other. With Catra still being snarky and saying 'Good riddance'. It's a good final moment where the two can be happy. And now this just makes me wish we got a She-Ra movie.

6. Please Just Stay

First of all, if you haven't already please read Don't Go by Nate Stevenson. It's a fanfiction he created that takes place after Save the Cat and really helps highlight this and other scenes I'm about to get into later. It's also just really good. But Catra beforehand is struggling to figure out why Adora saved her and dealing with the aftermath of what Horde Prime did to her. She and Adora just had a big fight with Adora telling Catra she never hated her. We find out later, the chip on Catra is tracking the ship they're on and they need to get it off. With Catra needing to confront Entrapta (who she also didn't end things on good terms with) and Adora. Adora tells Catra once they're done, they can drop her off and she won't have to see any of them again. We see this crumbles Catra's usual strong self as she lets herself be vulnerable for a moment. Grabbing Adora's wrist and then her hand requesting that she stays, Adora also blushes. Catra also comes up with an idea to read what Hordak's planning since their minds are connected. Catra knows Adora will continue to fight Horde Prime and knows she'll be reckless. She just asks Adora to stay with her with two two holding each other. I love this moment as we see the two work together and slowly build their bond again.

5. You Coming?

As Adora is succumbing to the virus and Catra calls out to her, we get this moment of Adora's wish. She's back home with Catra, Glimmer and Bow as they're all getting ready for Scorpia's Princess Prom. Adora wants desperately to have this future with her friends and home happy. She's slowly learning to be selfish after she's been stuck trying to give and give as She-Ra. And she wants a life with Catra, the person she's come to love and married to in this vision. Stevenson confirmed couples in Etheria have something to show they have ties to each other. Catra is wearing Adora’s wing buckle on her shirt and Adora is wearing Catra's head piece on her dress. At first, Adora is sad because part of her wants to embrace this future but doesn't think she deserves this. But seeing Catra, the person she's married to in this version ask her if she's coming with them. She can't help but want to follow her. Even when Adora was dying, all she wanted was a peaceful life with her friends and the person she loved.

4. We're Going Home

Save The Cat in general is a great episode and my personal favorite of She-Ra's. Adora manages to save Catra with the help of her friends as Catra is still unconscious from the fall and whatever Horde Prime did to her. Adora gently holds Catra and telling her she's not done yet and that they're going home. Adora's healing powers manage to work on Catra as she wakes up. She also says her classic 'Hey Adora' in a very weak voice. And Adora is so relieved that she just embraces Catra and and Catra is shocked. We see how hesitant Catra is accept Adora's embrace but eventually she does while letting out a deep breath of relief. With her purring being the last thing we hear before the episode ends. Catra purrs mostly when she's around Adora, she's always happy to be accepted by Adora. This description from Nate Stevenson also really helps sells the moment too.

'They stay that way for a long time, Catra’s face tucked into Adora’s shoulder, Adora gently cradling Catra’s head. Adora is careful not to hug Catra too hard or make her feel restrained, anticipating the moment that Catra will start to pull away — but Catra doesn’t. She hangs on so tightly it hurts, her claws digging through Adora’s jacket and into her back, latching into her like she did when she was a kitten and didn’t know how much her claws could hurt. Adora tries not to wince, tries not to move a single muscle, worried that if she does the spell will break and Catra will struggle away, appalled at having shown weakness. But Catra doesn’t let go. And so neither does Adora.'

3. I'm Not Leaving

Save the Cat and The Heart Part 2 have my favorite Catradora moments and this one is one of them. We saw how Catra came back to Adora when she needed her and almost died trying to save her. Shadow Weaver comes in though and sacrifices herself with Adora and Catra reuniting. This time it's Catra rescuing Adora and coming to her aid instead of the other way around. Adora is struggling to use the failsafe and realizes it might not work. She tells Catra to get far away from where she is and that there's no more time. Saying how she can save everyone and touches her forehead with her own. While also stating how it's okay and she's ready. It's heavily implied Adora is going to die trying to use the Failsafe and Catra stands firm on staying with Adora. Saying whatever happens she'll stay here with her. And we see that as Horde Prime's virus is trying to take control of the Heart, Catra is facing it with Adora.

2. You Matter To Me

I love the scene of Adora trying to save Catra from the chip she's being controlled under. Adora is trying desperately to bring Catra back out and trying not to hurt her despite Catra attacking Adora. Then Catra does break free from control and tells Adora she should have stayed away and asks why she came back when she doesn't matter. With Adora gently holding her face telling Catra she matters to her. This is also asked later again by Catra in Don't Go.

“Why did you come back for me?” she demands.

“I —“ Adora’s voice trails off in the silence. Catra doesn’t let go. The only sound is the soft, muffled humming of the ship’s engines as it moves through space, away from Horde Prime. “Because…” She trails off again.

What is she supposed to say?

“Because…you’re Catra,” she finishes weakly.

Because at the end of the day, Adora will always care for Catra. Then Catra get's possessed again as she walks towards the edge fighting to not be controlled by Horde Prime. Adora reminds Catra she's never listened to anyone in her life and asks if she's going to start now. Catra looks amused as she just says Adora's an idiot with Adora agreeing, tears in her eyes. Adora then says she's going to take Catra home as Catra breaks free from Horde Prime saying 'Promise?'. Adora holds out her hand saying 'I promise!'. This is obviously a parallel to when they were kids and they promised to look out for each other. It's such a heartfelt and touching scene

I Love You

'Catra she distracts you, confuses you.' - Shadow Weaver

'You Etherians are all alike. Such strong connections to one another, it's what makes you weak.' - Horde Prime

And yet their 'weakness' and 'distraction' saved the universe. The Catradora confession scene is number one as it is a finale to Catra and Adora's character arcs. Adora is dying and seemingly getting ready to accept her fate. That there won't be a happy future for her. But then she hears Catra still reaching out and calling for her to wake up. Catra hasn't given up on Adora and Adora never gave up on Catra, so she shouldn't start now.

Adora does try to reach for Catra but doesn't quite make it with her saying it's too late and that she failed. Catra reassures her that she's got Adora and won't let go. In desperation and perhaps wanting to finally tell Adora, Catra says.

'Don't you get it? I love you! I always have! So please just this once, stay!'

We hear Catra and Adora's theme Promise in the background playing this whole time which we haven't heard since the episode Promise. Last time it was Catra leaving Adora to follow her own path and Adora learning to let go of Catra. Now, it's Catra reaching out for Adora as Adora takes her hand. Adora is blushing as Catra has tears in her eyes begging for Adora to stay. Adora does wake up in awe asking if Catra loves her. Catra is blushing while smiling calling Adora an idiot. Then she looks surprised as Adora just smiles at Catra saying she loves her too. They then kiss as Adora is finally able to activate the Failsafe but the two are too busy kissing.

I also want to add in the storyboard version of this scene where Catra says 'We always said it would be you and me, together at the end. But not now, okay?'.

Honorable Mentions Down Below:

[tkwrites]

First Fight - Quinn Hughes x ofc

Title: First Fight

Author: Tory / @tkwrites 

Relationship: Pre-established: Quinn Hughes x Original female character 

Warnings: Angst, history of a bad relationship 

Summary: Quinn and Sarah have their first fight - we learn more about Quinn’s previous relationship

Word count: 3000

Comments: Angst isn’t something I feel I write very well, so if you have any ideas of how to make this better, I would welcome any and all constructive feedback. 

First Fight

A Quinn & Sarah Snapshot

Hey, I met someone. I want you to meet her when you’re in town. 

Sending this text was like setting off a bomb in his life. Not because Quinn thought it would destroy things, but it would open up this fated little world to outside forces, something he’d protected against so far.  

He wanted Brady and Emma’s opinion first before he started introducing the idea of Sarah into the rest of his relationships. They had been the only ones brave enough to tell him they didn’t like June. Everyone else in his life told him they felt the same only after he’d called it off completely. His own family hadn’t even told him. 

Everything with Sarah felt different than it had with June. He didn’t expect the same outcome, but he wanted to be sure. June taught him he couldn’t always trust his own judgment. 

Things with June were always complicated. In so many ways, their relationship had been easy. She entertained herself for the most part, looked good on his arm, and the sex wasn’t bad, but it never went beyond that. Quinn used to think their relationship could lead to marriage, but she never gave them that chance. 

Looking back, he wasn’t sure if she ever actually liked him. She liked the lifestyle he offered, and liked being seen with him at events and after games. She would often flirt with other people, even after they decided to be exclusive and was happy to tell him how there were taller, more handsome, better dressed men she could get with when they fought. A few days later, she would always come back apologizing, telling him she loved him and that she wanted to be with him. 

At one point, Brady had told him he didn’t want to hear about their relationship drama anymore. “You don’t even like her, Q,” he’d said, exasperated, “like, not just her body, but her.” 

Eventually, Quinn had been forced to admit he was right. 

They’d been on and off for more than a year, and it never went anywhere other than around in circles. They had the same fights about how long he was gone, how she wanted him to dress better, and that she was flirting with other guys all the time. It was exhausting, and not in a way that made it worthwhile.

You met someone? Brady responded. Who? When? 

Her name is Sarah. We met two months ago. We've been dating since then. 

It wasn't totally unlike Quinn to keep something so private, but the fact that it had been two months and he'd kept it all to himself made Brady wonder. 

Do you think Emma could come out? 

If he was asking for Emma's opinion, this was serious. Quinn trusted her judgment. 

I'll ask her. 

As soon as Emma’s flight was confirmed, Quinn brought it up while Sarah was at his house. 

When he'd asked her to come over earlier in the day, she had initially turned him down, explaining that she had a deadline to meet. 

“I just want to see you,” he said. “You could do your homework here.”

“I don't know if that would work…” 

She wanted to see him, too, especially knowing he was headed out of town again too soon for her liking, but finals and year end deadlines were coming up swiftly. She didn’t have the time, especially now that she was spending so much time with Quinn, to put things off. 

“Could we just give it a try? I'll leave you alone until you're finished, I swear. And then we can spend some time together.”

She'd agreed, and was pleasantly surprised to find that he kept every word of his promise. 

By the time her first draft of the research publication she was writing was done, Sarah had been at Quinn's table for more than two hours. True to his word, he left her alone other than to bring her a plate of cut vegetables and kiss her forehead around the one hour mark.  

Now, she wandered through the penthouse, looking for him. 

“Quinn?” she finally asked when she didn’t find him downstairs. 

“I'm up here.”

She climbed the stairs and found him in the gaming room. It was where he had all of his video game equipment set up, along with squishy arm chairs, couches and bean bags. He had enough controllers, he could probably host the entire team. 

Glancing away from the screen, he asked, “you're done already?”

She shrugged, “I write fast.”

She did. He was impressed. “I’m almost done with this level, and I'll be done.”

“No rush.” 

She wandered down the hall to one of the guest bathrooms. When she got back, he'd tossed his headset and controller away from him and was standing. 

The hug he wrapped her in was warm and comforting. She snuck her hands under his shirt just so she could feel his warm skin.

They kissed for a long time, standing in that gaming room. 

As they walked down the stairs hand in hand, he broached the subject, “my best friend, Brady is going to be in town on a road trip from Ottawa Thursday. I hoped we could all go to dinner together.”

“Oh.” 

“What?” 

“I have a cohort review on Thursday night.”

“So? Can't you just move it?”

“No, I can't. It took us a week just to find a time that worked for everyone, and I already told them I would be there.”

Quinn pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, thinking. “Just - he's only in town Thursday and Friday, and they leave Friday night. His wife Emma is coming in.” 

“I'm sorry, Quinn, I wish you had given me more advanced notice.” 

“Can’t you meet with your cohort after class or something?” he asked, “you all live here.” 

Sarah bristled, feeling more and more disrespected as this conversation went on. “Quinn,” her tone was a bit sharper than she intended and she tried to bite it back, “it’s not my fault you didn’t tell me about this until two days beforehand. I can’t just move my schedule around because you forgot.” 

“I didn’t forget,” he said indignantly. 

“Then why didn’t you tell me before?” 

“We just made the plan!”

“You can’t just make plans without consulting me! I have a life and responsibilities outside of you.” 

He blew a breath through his nose, “I know that.”

“Do you? Because it seems like you're expecting me to just drop everything for your schedule.” 

He groaned. “That’s not what I mean. Brady and Emma will only be in town for a day and a half. They live on the other side of the country, and I want them to meet you, and you to meet them, and you’re saying you can’t because of some school thing with people who live here and could reschedule.” 

Sarah pursed her lips. “So it’s up to me to reschedule.” 

“They’re going back home on Friday after the game!” 

“Could we not have lunch on Friday or get together before the game?” 

Quinn paused. It wasn’t ideal, but he supposed it could work. “I mean, I guess so.” 

She nodded. “So when I said I have plans, your first call is to ask me to cancel them, rather than seeing if there’s something that will work for everyone.”

“Jesus, Sarah. I just want you to meet my friends, and dinner would give us more time.” 

“I get that, I really do, but this review is really important, and I’d just…” traitorous tears rose to her eyes. They always did when she was frustrated. “I’d just like you to respect that I have important stuff going on that I can’t cancel.” 

Shit. Now she was crying. Over something he did. Fuck. 

They were real tears, too - frustrated ones she was trying to sniffle back - not like the over dramatic tears June would dredge up in a fight. 

“I know you’re used to being single, but you need to respect my time, too. You’re not the only one working around a demanding schedule.”

The truth of it socked him in the stomach. June worked as an influencer. Other than modeling gigs, which weren't that often, she could change her schedule at the drop of a hat, and often did. She liked the spontaneity of it. He had rarely planned ahead with her.

His shoulders sagged, “I’m sorry.” 

“Thank you. It’s just, I already move so much stuff around because of your hockey schedule.”

That made him stop short. “You do?” 

“Yes! I have to move my work and my research so we can spend time together while you’re in town. Last week, I canceled this same review group so I could come over here before you went off to the midwest, and I can’t cancel it again.” 

“I didn't know that. I can't know stuff you don't tell me, Sarah.”

“It’s not really even about the review, it’s about -” he scoffed and she stopped talking, pursing her lips together.

Quinn crossed his arms over his chest. How could he have known she changed this meeting before? How could she possibly be mad at him for something he didn’t know?

They stood that way, at the bottom of his fancy, metal and glass stairs, each staring at the other for a long while. The longer they were there, the longer Quinn stayed silent, the more frustrated Sarah became. Didn’t he understand she was upset about the lack of respect in this conversation?

“Maybe I should go,” she said. Not because she didn’t want to talk things over, or figure them out, but because she knew herself well enough to know that with his silence and her frustration dipping into anger, she would say something she didn’t really mean if she didn't step away. 

Great. This is just great, Quinn thought. If she wanted to leave, fine. He wouldn’t stop her. 

It was only after she’d left with a sad, emotionless smile, and he’d torn the cap off of a beer from the fridge that the reality of what happened came crashing in on him. 

He let her walk away. Over a dinner - over wanting to be right about a dinner. He was such a fucking idiot. 

In the midst of his realization, his mind grasped hold of something his Grandpa had told him when he had asked for relationship advice the summer before. “Quinn,” he’d said, “I like to ask myself, is this my pride fighting? And is it worth whatever the outcome will be?”

With June, that line was always a little blurred. Right now, though, he could see he’d clearly crossed it. And being right wasn’t worth the outcome this had caused. She’d been gone for 15 minutes, and was likely already on a train home. If he left now, he might make it there when she did.

He grabbed his keys and ran out of the house. 

Once he’d followed another resident into the building and ran up to her apartment, he knocked, frantically. 

Eunice opened the door. 

“Hey, Quinn…” she said, slowly. 

“Is Sarah not here yet?” he asked. 

“No. I thought she was going to be at your place tonight.” 

“She was. I mean, she was there, but -” he didn’t want to get into this with Eunice. 

“Did you fight?” she asked, cocking her head to one side, and looking at him like he’d just proved her wrong in all the ways she’d been hoping he wouldn’t. 

“We argued, and I came to apologize. Do you mind if I wait for her?” 

“I mean, sure,” she said, opening the door further, “but you could just call her, you know?” 

In his haste, he hadn’t even considered it. Would she even answer if he did? Reaching into his pocket he found he’d left his phone at home. 

Sarah walked from the train station, feeling lead-footed. This was a horrible day. Failed experiments all day at work, and the time actually spent with Quinn was spent arguing. Maybe she had been too harsh on him. She hadn’t told him about moving her plans last week, and that was on her. She’d jumped on the defensive too quickly.

She paused before going into the lobby of her building, digging her phone out of her bag. She didn't want to make this call with Eunice in the house. It rang seven times before the generic voicemail picked up. 

“Damnit,” she swore as she pulled her keys from her jacket pocket to buzz into the lobby. 

Eunice greeted her nearly as soon as she walked in. “Hey, Quinn is here,” she said, quietly, catching the door before it could shut. “He said you argued. He’s waiting in your room, but if you don’t want to see him, go in my room and I’ll get rid of him.” 

Tears pooled in her eyes as much for Eunice’s care and concern as for Quinn showing up. “He’s here?” 

She nodded.

Pushing past Eunice, Sarah ran down the hall to her bedroom. 

He jumped to his feet as soon as the door opened. 

“Quinn, I’m sorry,” she said at the same time he was saying, “I’m such an idiot.”

She let out a watery little laugh, and he went to her, wrapping her in his arms, backpack and all. 

“I’m sorry,” he said into her hair. “I never want you to feel like your time isn’t important.” 

She pulled out of his embrace to look into his eyes. He looked a little like a lost puppy. Her heart twisted. “I’m sorry I got so defensive.”

Quinn shook his head, “You had every right to be defensive. I shouldn't have expected you to just change your plans like that. That wasn’t fair.” 

She gave a hearty sniff and tucked her face into his shoulder. 

They stood there for a while, swaying gently. 

“Does this mean I'm forgiven?” Quinn asked after a few moments of silence.

As she pulled back to look into his face, she said, “yes.”

He pulled her against him. “I'm sorry,” he said again. “I’ll call Brady tomorrow and figure something out that works for all of us.”

Her grip tightened around his waist. “Thank you.” 

They stood in that little bubble for a long while. Soaking in each other and letting the bad day roll off. 

Feeling settled, he couldn't hold back his question any longer, “do you golf?”

She stepped out of his embrace and finally took off her backpack, “what?”

“You have clubs,” he gestured to her door, where a purple bag of golf clubs was tucked behind it. He hadn't noticed it until today, when he'd been alone in her room, distracting himself by looking around at everything Sarah held in high enough esteem to keep in her space. 

“Oh, yeah. My dad taught me. We used to golf every Sunday as a family. I was on my high-school golf team and walked on in undergrad. I got a scholarship my senior year.”

“Really?” he said, beaming like a little kid. 

“Yeah. I don't have much time to go these days, but I'm pretty decent.” 

Quinn knew enough about her to know that if she said she was decent, she was much better than she was letting on. She often downplayed her talents and accomplishments.

“Why?”

“I love golf,” he confessed. “Want to go together when I get back next week? I could get us an evening tee time.”

“I like the sound of that,” she said, smiling as she leaned up to kiss him. 

They broke apart at a wrenching sound from the hallway. 

“You guys are so disgustingly cute,” Eunice said. She was smiling as she said it, though, obviously happy things had worked out. “I'm making Mac and cheese if you want to stay,” she said with a nod at Quinn. 

He glanced at Sarah. 

“Stay,” she urged. “I make a mean turkey sandwich, and believe me, you don't want to miss out on Eunice’s mac and cheese.” 

Even though he had practice in the morning, and knew all the carbs and dairy would make him sluggish, he agreed. 

“Where did you even park?”

“On Nelson, across from the courts.”

“There’s no parking there, you’ll get towed.”

“I just found a free curb and ran up,” he confessed. 

Shoving his shoulder playfully, she said, “let’s go move your car.” 

They did, and the rest of what she said was true - Sarah did make a mean turkey sandwich, and Eunice’s mac and cheese wasn’t something to be missed. He had fun getting to know her roommates, and catching Sarah’s looks when Eunice said something unhinged. It felt like they were starting to create their own private language, and he was ecstatic over it.

It was also true that the carbs and dairy from the night before did make Quinn sluggish at practice in the morning. 

“What’s up with you today?”

He shrugged off the question, “just an off morning. I’ll be fine by tonight.”

By the time the game had ended - vs the Jets, lost, in a three round shoot out - and he’d finished his media duties, Sarah had called him twice.

He called her back on the way home. 

“Hey, what’s up?” he asked when she answered. 

“Bryan’s sister went into labor, so he has to go home,” she said. 

Quinn had no idea who Bryan was. “Okay?”

“So we had our cohort review tonight before he left for Calgary. I had to miss your game, sorry.” 

If it was between her watching a game and getting dinner with his friends, he'd rather she missed the game. 

“So you can do dinner tomorrow?” he asked, relieved, and also angry with himself. If he’d just let it lie, it would have worked out for the best anyway. 

“Yep. Do you think Brady is still free?” 

“I’m sure, but I’ll call him and ask.” 

Want more Quinn & Sarah? Check out the Snapshots Masterlist

To read all my fics, check out the Fanfiction Masterlist

[blacktabbygames]

Good mornighternoon. Do you have any advice on making writing and/or coding branching dialogue less confusing?

It's always going to be confusing and difficult to keep track of branching, but here's some things that I think have helped. Gonna break this down into a few sections to make it a little easier to follow.

Foundations and Research

So much practice for me came from being obsessed with Bioware games growing up, especially Dragon Age and Mass Effect — just keeping track of complicated branching world states in complex games you already enjoy is extremely good exercise, and the best way to get better at thinking about a medium is to consume and discuss things in that medium.

Building on that, I think that the best media to take a deep dive into to improve your own craft is something that you really like, but that feels like it missed the mark in a few areas that are important to you. Again, revisiting Mass Effect and Dragon Age, I absolutely loved the way that those games set up challenging decisions, but was frustrated at how easy it was to circumvent those choices entirely. By the time Abby and I started work on Scarlet Hollow, I feel like I had a strong foundation from obsessively consuming those works and the two of us discussing at length how we wanted to handle branching compared to games we've enjoyed in the past.

The Big Picture

The bigger your project, the more important it is to have intentionality to your choices. With both Scarlet Hollow and Slay the Princess, we decided on the major themes of the story and wrote down and outlined all of our Big Plot Points before we wrote a word of the actual script.

It can also help to come up with Rules for your piece that fit within your outline. These aren't necessarily ever words that are directly communicated in the game, but rather something for you to personally follow (and to break, on occasion). To give some examples of rules we've come up with for Scarlet Hollow: Every chapter must have a "major" decision with seemingly only bad outcomes towards the end. Each of these decisions must have a secret "out" mapped to a trait. Each trait gets exactly one out. Every episode must contain at least one decision where the focus is the player's relationship with Tabitha. The story must come back together in a recognizable structure after a split. As an extension of that last point, subsequent playthroughs must feel both Similar and Different. Again, these aren't hard and fast rules, and one of the joys of writing is knowing which rules you should break and when you can break them. (So if you're reading this post and trying to use it to theorize about future plot developments, good luck!)

Having a finished outline and rules are important because then, as you work on the minutiae, you'll already have a strong framework to build around. Suddenly, when you're crafting decisions and thinking about cascading consequences, you're not just branching out into an infinite void: instead, you're actively working to draw everything into a set of predetermined thematic and structural points.

The Little Details

When it's time to write your script, it's very important to remain focused in the moment — if you think too long about the scale of a branching narrative and the work it requires, you'll find yourself easily overwhelmed. Just work on one menu at a time in one scene at a time, and you'll find a way to keep things straight and to get it done.

When writing a menu, define your player's options with intent. What are the things (within reason) that you would want to do in a scene? What emotional range do you want to grant the player? Do two options cover the same intent and emotionality? If so, condense them, and keep the option that's more fun.

Emotionality is very important here, so I want to take an extra line to emphasize it. Ask yourself, "what are the different reactions a player might have to this, emotionally" and find a way to let them express those emotions. Letting them express those emotions doesn't always mean you let the *action* behind those emotions work — it's more about acknowledging those feelings and letting them bake into the narrative.

Bolding this one because it's very important track everything. A lot of the callbacks and references in Scarlet Hollow aren't actually pre-planned — we just make sure to track most player decisions so if we realize we want to make a reference to something that might have happened, there's already a variable in place for it. An example of this that comes to mind is the "dead moms" callback in Episode 4, which we didn't plan in advance, but when we realized how right that callback was for that scene, we already had that information tracked.

I think I accidentally talked about a lot of stuff outside the scope of your question, but narrative design is such an interesting subject and I like talking about it. Hopefully this is helpful!

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Dead Friend Forever - final thoughts

I say final thoughts, knowing I will likely have many more thoughts to come on this series. Because this is definitely one of those shows that gets its hooks into you.

I file this one under "super memorable and engaging watch that I will never watch again" because I really enjoyed it, but also struggle with such dark material (and I can't stop crying over sweet baby White).

First though, major props to BOC for doing something different in the BL genre. This is the kind of creativity that I love to see, similarly to The Sign or Playboyy. It doesn't always work, and I know there are wildly different feelings about all three of these shows, but that's the point - if no one takes creative risks, no one cares about the outcome.

In this case, the ending actually worked for me. I was expecting something ambiguous, because a) horror genre, and b) there was such a huge difference in interpretations throughout the entire series that it seemed clear they were planting a lot of things that could be seen in vastly different ways. And I think the ending stays consistent with that.

I also don't mind ambiguity if it gives me a lot to chew on in metaphorical meaning, and wow was this show a juicy one.

That said, it definitely wasn't perfect, and there were plenty of loose threads that could have been tightened. But I still found so much that worked for me.

My interpretations

So here's my thoughts on the ending, speaking for myself, within my lens and my cultural context.

I see this as a story about purgatory. Not in the sense of any religious system, but in the sense of being a human, and dealing with human emotions. It's a story about the ripple effects of our own selfishness, of how lack of empathy and caring creates a cost for ourselves as well as others, of holding on to guilt, of what happens when we refuse to reckon with the harm we've done.

I don't see anything that happened on this current day visit to the house as a literal, real life, experience.

A few reasons why (and note, I'm aware there are people who will prescribe the below to bad writing/editing, I'm interpreting these as conscious choices made by production):

The road seemed quite well maintained and straight forward on the way in on the truck (and well used enough that Por's dad put a sign up there), yet when anyone tried to leave, they ended up on small forest paths or there was damage to the road.

Similarly, Top & New rode out on the bike for a while, but then New was able to get back to the house really quickly. It had a feeling of "you can check out any time you like but you can never leave" for me.

The Janta temple. This random big building with a ton of fresh blood and lit candles, yet no one else ever being around, and Phee & Jin getting locked in.

The drugs don't explain how all the hallucinations matched so well, or that they all focused exclusively on Non. You telling me Por and Top never did any other sketchy shit in their life? Tee worked for his uncle for years, but didn't have a single other regret? No glimpse of his father, of White being hurt? Fluke didn't get any visions of his parents asking when he was going to finally be a doctor and worthy of their love? White, the one stuck in purgatory because of his love for Tee, was the only one to have a non-Non hallucination.

It's also not really well explained how New could have physically done everything here - such as set up the trap for Por while hanging out with the other guys. Maybe he did, but he never confirmed Phee's explanation for everything that happened.

But my biggest reason for feeling this way is what happens to each character.

Por was used to being the center of the group, due to his wealth and status. But he gets immobilized and silenced.

Top made Non take the fall for him, and then becomes the puppet of the killer in this scenario.

Fluke always did his best to stay on the outskirts and not be seen, but everyone here sees his paranoia and selfishness.

Tee had regrets, but he was still responsible for a huge part of what led directly to Non's death, and he ends up losing what he loves the most through his own actions (he was the one who convinced White to come, like he convinced Non to work for his uncle).

Jin knew that he was violating Non by recording and releasing the video, hence his experiencing the same violation in his hallucinations. But the crux of his situation is that he had a selfish love for Non, and therefore regardless of how much he wants to believe that Phee's love will protect him, it's not enough to save him in the end.

And then of course we have Phee, New, and White. Three people not involved in the initial course of actions, but caught up in them all the same.

White is truly innocent, but sometimes when we love those who have caused harm, we pay a cost. That's the injustice of life. He was a good boy, and learning what Tee did hurt him.

Phee couldn't let go of his guilt for what he said the last time he saw Non, and for not reaching out to him in time. He knew how much Non struggled, he came in during a self-harm attempt before, but his pride wouldn't let him help Non. He also moved on with Jin, but won't acknowledge that there are genuine feelings involved. He says this weekend is all about learning the truth, but he doesn't even care that Jin released the tape. He wants to believe he knows Non better than anyone, but he doesn't really. He wants to heroically save Jin, but he is not the romantic hero in any of this. There's a disconnect between who he wants to believe himself to be, and who he actually is. And it's why he's not really free at the end.

And New. New is so fascinating to me, because like Phee, he was trapped in his guilt. But unlike Phee, through his choices at the house (despite regretting the innocent loss of White & Dang), through his passionate commitment to doing whatever he can for Non, even if it is far too late, he is able to finally let go of his guilt. He is at peace with his choices, and so he sees Non forgiving him. And I think New is able to move on.

Because in the end, I don't see this as these boys being punished by some cosmic moral authority, but rather their own choices and own feelings of guilt/refusal to admit to said guilt.

Reminder - I make no claims of "the truth", this is just my truth.

Relatedly, they did nothing to prove that Non did not fake his death, so you can't make me think he's not having a much better life somewhere with a really good therapist and a hot boyfriend (perhaps Perth).

Last note - the acting in this show was so goddamn good. Mio and Barcode were the standouts for me, but there was a lot of talent on display. I hope they all get a nice career bump from this.

[ahiddenpath]

Life Talk

Discussing how I'm dealing with Things beneath the cut.

I doubt I'll be able to say anything about the US election results that you haven't seen a million times before. I wasn't sure if I should bother commenting. I'm not sure where I am in the processing stages, so... Forgive me if my tone is weird. I definitely feel weird.

First thing's first; I've anticipated this outcome since people started blaming Biden for inflation. That's a typical thing in American politics; whoever is in charge currently is blamed for everything, which often causes the presidency to swap from D to R and back, regardless of where problems began. Of course, if voters really were worried about the economy, well... The Trump tariffs are a laughably, horrifically bad solution. But... I don't think the average American voter understands tariffs. So like. Whelp. There's a very real reason why Rs want to gut public education. Well, there are several, but yeah, a less educated populace is easier to fleece.

Obviously there are a million other horrible things going on here; if I tried to get into them all, I would never finish this post. But I can't say I'm experiencing shock or betrayal. I knew many Americans hate women, POC, the queer community, and others more than they care about their own self interests. Although most, I think, are simply not educated enough to understand that their self interests are at risk, and many others were sucked into the far right cult stuff years ago. Rs always scream about the liberal media, but so much American media (and social media!) is owned by the right, or is at least paid off by them. I'm wondering, as education continues to fail, especially given the next administration, will Americans have any hope of thinking beyond whatever Facebook posts and news in the pocket of (or in fear of) the right tells them?

We're in a bad way, but this didn't happen on the day of the election. We've been living in this environment for years, now. Are things about to get worse? Yes, of course. I think it's an important time to remember who your friends and loved ones are, to lean on them and check in on them, to do stupid fun stuff with them. And I think it's time to step away from the doom scrolling and inventing horrible what-if scenarios. Obviously this is a scary time; I'm not trying to diminish that. But spiraling causes pain now, PLUS more pain later if the bad thing comes to pass.

I've seen some interesting posts with actionable ideas. Get a passport ASAP, look into moving (to blue states, out of climate change buffer areas, or internationally if you can, although obviously that is not easy nor readily available), think about if your industry will be impacted by tariffs and sweeping federal government layoffs, get sterilized if you know you don't want kids, get that medical appointment you've been pushing off. Actionable stuff is productive! Spiraling isn't. Although uhhh, that's easier said than done. I'm just trying to push myself in a better direction, here.

As for me, here are some fractured snippets of how I've been feeling:

-Mourning. Shit, I'm 35. Trump will be in office until I'm 39. My child bearing window is closing. Are we not having a family bc of orange oompah loompah and his country and world destroying policies?

-I'm aware that I will be buffered from some things, purely because of how I look, where I live, etc. And the fact that I'm married to a safe man who adores me affords some protection. I feel weird about it, but must acknowledge it, so I don't get uhh. Disconnected from people who are more vulnerable than me. I think that Democratic politicians who mean well, but don't experience what so many Democrat constituents go through/suffer with for various reasons, becoming so... Out of touch and unrelatable... Um, I think that played a role in getting us here. It's difficult for these politicians to organize or affect change when their life experience is... Just overall safer by default. And this applies to people who aren't politicians, too, just on a less official level.

Those of us who are comparatively safer for various reasons need to hear people who are less safe and acknowledge that some things impact us differently, and we need to prioritize what the most vulnerable need.

-On the day before the election, I started Googling how to become a witch and books on witchcraft. I did it with a wry grin, because I'm aware that magic/witchcraft/New Age stuff/tarot/crystals/mysticism/etc surge in popularity during times of political and economic strife. Meaning that they are SUPER FUCKING POPULAR right now, and have been for a while. You might know that I'm a Seeker (tarot practitioner), but I'm also a scientist. I'm... not the most spiritual person.

But, like, FUCK IT. Time to become a witch. Time to creep into the wild woods and make a hut and live with the bears. TIME TO CURSE SOME MF-ers!

I told my reasonable friend. Here is our conversation:

Hidden: So I'm googling witch books.

Friend: No. We don't turn to magic in the face of tragedy. We drink hot cocoa.

Hidden: FINE I GUESS (hrmph!!!!)

I told another friend the same:

Friend: How are you holding up?

Hidden: Googling how to become a witch. So... yeah.

Friend: How... how DO you become a witch?

Hidden: IDK, that's why I'm googling it.

Sigh. I might still buy that book on the history of witchcraft and paganism. What, it's history! xD

-Otherwise, I've been weirdly fortunate that work has been so demanding. I've been learning more about in silico analysis lately (using huge protein databases to predict how developable a new antibody based drug might be, which residues to change, and how immunogenic your antibody might be). I'm learning and doing so much that I come home exhausted, but like. Maybe that's the lack of sleep on Tuesday night talking.

-I've been leaning into the animal of myself these last few days. The soft, squishy, vulnerable meat of me. Sleep and work and food and relying on my partner bond with my husband. Listening to his heartbeat, feeling the low rumble of his voice when we cuddle, letting skin on skin release safe and happy hormones.

-I think I need to get off reddit and its eternal doom. Like, permanently. Tumblr and Insta are the only other social media I use, but Tumblr is all digimon and Insta is all cats and dolls. I'm hoping the political posts that aren't primarily actionable die down on Tumblr soon, so I don't need to spend less time here, but obviously people need to post what they are going to post. If I'm here less, this is likely why.

Most of all, do what you can to beat back despair. I don't really have comforting words, except that you're not alone. Other people DO think and feel the way you do now. Let's all try to be there for each other, distract one another, and maybe have some hugs and hot drinks. Or like... start a coven, idk.

You are loved. Ask for help if you need to, offer it if you can.

[abigail-pent]

very frustrated with the "there's no moral choice on the ballot" crowd. because here's the thing: no human being is perfect. even random ass humans don't live up to their own moral standards all the time. and a human being who is elected to government is, by definition, creating compromises and balances between multiple sets of different parties who all want different things - and who often don't share the same set of moral priorities.

(there is not one true good set of moral priorities in the world. there are some things many people would agree are always moral, but there are a whole lot of other things where many reasonable people either disagree or would say "it depends on the circumstances." claiming there's only one correct morality is, uh. very religious fundamentalist flavored.)

so when you have a government that isn't a total autocracy, its actions aren't a 1:1 reflection of the morality of the person in charge. they're the outcome of many people's preferences, and that outcome can be shaped to an extent by the person in charge, but not entirely. so you can't look at that outcome and say "well Joe Biden didn't make peace in the Middle East so he's immoral" - because a large, large percentage of the decisions that have happened with this war are not actually in his control. which isn't to say the president has no influence - he certainly has some, and the outcomes do partially reflect his influence.

but the real question then is not "why didn't Joe fix this yet" but rather "how bad could it/will it get if Trump were in charge" and the answer is "pretty fucking bad for everyone actually". he is unambiguously worse if you care about Palestinian lives - would you rather have someone who wants to get the killing to stop, or would you rather Bibi gain a buddy and enabler in the White House? calling Biden "genocide Joe" doesn't make the war more or less likely to end, but calling for people not to vote for him because "morality" actively helps Bibi by putting Trump one vote closer to the presidency.

and closer to home: if you want a far-right Supreme Court forever, by all means you should let your "morality" stop you from voting. Trump + Heritage have this agenda called Project 2025. they want to get rid of abortion in a comprehensive way. they want to roll back protections for queer people, and yes that includes marriage. they are staunchly against any DEI initiatives or protections for people of color. they want to get rid of fucking IVF. they want the Department of Justice to fall under *partisan* control, which is giving major Stasi vibes tbh. they want to stop promoting green energy or anything pro-environment, and double down on fossil fuels. they want to criminalize pornography. do you want that future? does your sense of "morality" extend to protecting yourself and your fellow citizens against a white Christian nationalist agenda by showing up and casting a fucking ballot?

because if you don't vote, this is what we will get. and thanks to the makeup of the Supreme Court, the consequences of your decision to vote or not will stick around for at least the next 50 years. that's you and your children and maybe their children too that will have to deal with the fallout.

we don't elect presidents to be a perfect conduit of our morals onto the world stage. they can't be. it isn't possible. but even so, Joe has done a shit-ton of moral things - masses of tax credits for clean energy, HUGE and unprecedented amounts of student loan forgiveness, slashing child poverty in half with expansions of the child tax credit, the list goes on and on. he's one of the most pro-labor presidents we've ever had. he isn't perfect, but saying there's "no moral candidate to vote for" is ridiculous. it sets the standard for morality higher than any president could ever reach. in doing so, it creates a false equivalence between Biden (one of our better presidents maybe ever) and Trump (arguably the worst president we have ever had). they're not the fucking same.

[sinfulequity]

Thinking about how what the implications are if "(Not) A Devil" is Mikoto's third trial song.

Specifically, about these two lines and how they contextualized the song as a whole.

It's preceded by these lines

My radiant halo is closing in around my neck It loosens when I lie, the “Mayday” I can’t call out Let’s cover-up in white paint, get lost in the part and play It gets easier when you lie go on, try it

And as we can see here, their lines are dyed in the others' colours, while brown/gold is them in unison.

(Incidentally, I decided to look up what patrician means, and uh.

That is certainly A Definition, when tied to Mikoto)

This implies that the angel's claim that they're dead and gone is part of the lies interwoven in the song. Isn't this a claim that sounds familiar~?

Mikoto: Please, forgive Boku. If you don’t… I’m sure he won’t be able to deal with this any longer. Es: “A sin committed by another personality isn’t a sin”... you’re telling me that’s how I should judge? Mikoto: Yeah. If you forgive Boku… I’ll disappear. Es: … Mikoto: That’s right. I’ll have to disappear eventually, anyway… Disappear, and take all of it with me. I… was born to protect Boku, after all. Es: You were… born for it… Mikoto: Yeah. If it’s for Boku, I’ll… do anything.

You see, I don't think that he will disappear?? We know that there's still a third trial. I doubt that Mikoto wouldn't be stressed by the prospect of being voted guilty for a second/third time. It would be one thing if it was a longer period of voting, or one vote equating to instant freedom. But the prisoners are fully aware of the fact that it's not one and done (and if they didn't before, I'm sure that Haruka's interrogation would give them that insight). As it stands, there's a very real possibility that the more guilty you get, the less likely you'll be allowed freedom. Furthermore, it's also a possibility that it's a two out of three system. Or, to draw on his relation to baseball, three strikes and you're out.

Mikoto would probably be able to piece that together, and even if he isn't outwardly stressed next trial, I'm sure the idea of that would linger subconsciously. You know, the thing that brought out "John" to begin with. This is regardless of the outcome of this trial.

A tangent, but the lines

this is just a silly joke song

(just kidding~)

(who cares~)

would also feed into the continued insistence that this is all just a dream/bad joke that needs to end. That, and this aspect of Mikoto's character that has been showcased repeatedly

Mikoto: It’s pretty tough, isn’t it? (laughs) Ever since I came here, so much has been happening that I don’t understand… Es: … You really… do laugh when you’re suffering, huh? Mikoto: Huh? Es: You don’t get angry. You don’t scream. You laugh, like it’s a minor inconvenience. Mikoto: Ah… I guess so. I might have that kind of trait. Es: … Mikoto: Usually, if you just laugh and pretend, things work out in the end, right? I’m pretty good at that. Making things work out to the best of my abilities. Es: Is that so… Mikoto: (laughs) …But… it’s not coming to an end. All of this. With things I’ve never even heard before, the whole ti—

His reaction to stress is to diminish it, or treat it as something ephemeral. Something that doesn't truly exist, just ignore it and keep going. Except as we've seen, it's not working in Milgram, and I'm pretty sure it didn't work in the circumstances before his murder too. And I don't think it will work as he wants, even if he's voted innocent this round.

I need to specify that this isn't a thing to sway the vote in any direction, just something I thought was interesting. And honestly, I may be interpreting it all wrong too! I'm not always great at looking at the evidence and drawing the right conclusions- sometimes I can convolute something that's really simple. Or to put it another way, miss the forest for the trees.

[ominis]

I too prefer ominis to Sebastian esp after figuring out how that sidequest ends. What choice did you make there and why? Personally I see both pros and cons to choosing both and thats making it difficult.

I pretty much always sided with Ominis, as I think he's right in most situations and he very much seems like the voice of reason in their dynamic, but yeah, the end of the questline and the decision whether or not to turn Sebastian in is very complex and that's what makes it so much fun to play! I can completely understand both decisions and I also struggled to pick one for a while.

On one hand, it's not wrong to turn him in. He's guilty. He killed someone. There's no doubt about that. And we've been watching him lose himself to the Dark Arts. Sure, we could give him another chance to get better, but what if he doesn't? What if he hurts someone else or what if he kills someone else? How many people are we willing to put at risk for Sebastian's sake? What if the only way for him to learn what he's done is for him to face those real consequences?

But on the other hand, I don't believe at all that Sebastian is a bad person deep down. He's desperate and scared and he's slowly losing the person he loves most in the world and would do ANYTHING to stop that from happening. He's not evil. He's not doing bad things for the sake of being bad. And if we turn him in, he's never going to get the chance to be better. Azkaban will destroy him.

Ultimately, I chose to disagree with Ominis at the end and let Sebastian go because I think how things ended really sets him up to actually learn from what he did. He did all of these bad things to save Anne and not only will she still die, but she will never forgive him, he lost his uncle, and destroyed his relationship with his best friend too. The Dark Arts gained him nothing. The Dark Arts made him lose everything. I think that's enough for him to learn that he needs to leave all of that alone. If he had been successful in saving Anne, I probably would have chosen differently because he would have been rewarded for the harm he caused. But I think the outcome of his story is punishment enough already.

[remedyxtragedy]

Important conversation to be had up ahead--

There are plenty of absurd things in this world I've long since stopping caring about because it is my understanding that there is only so much that can come from fretting over things that are beyond our control, however still I must reiterate that there are equally as many absurd things even I absolutely have to recognize and address because too often do they just fly under the radar. Such things including the romanticization of murderers, serial killers, and literally any disgusting degenerate who we should unconditionally deplore and reject.

Why, why in good God's name is this even an issue? Why must people like this further taint my perceptions of humanity? Frequently, I try to remind myself that this world is still worth living in, that out there exists a vast sea of good, benevolent people who make the experience all the more tolerable and that I shouldn't let a few bad eggs ruin the joyride of life, but then...when I go on the internet and stumble upon yet another case of some fatherless disgrace sympathizing with, simping for, and sometimes even flat out idolizing a serial killer, whether they're real or fictional, instantly I want to leap out the nearest window because I just cannot fathom for the life of me how these people are even real and how on a daily basis, I am coexisting with them.

I don't know why some people think that just because they're folding over a fictional serial killer it's trivial next to the fans of real life shit stains on the cloth of humanity, but I will gladly take them by the hand, sit their ignorant asses down, and explain in vivid detail why that is an abhorrently unsound mindset. I can't help but glare at my own sister in disgust every time she goes on about how she like's Ghost Face; my scorn is not exclusive to people outside my family--I either hate or love everyone, no one is spared.

There's a stark contrast between admiring how these characters are written and incorporating them into your work innocuously, as I too can resonate with, and just straight up finding them attractive regardless of the profoundly disgusting things they've done. I don't know what the psychology behind this looks like, I'm obviously in so such way educated in that regard, but maybe It's really easy for me to not fall head over heels for legit menaces to law and order because in my time I've read a good few encyclopedias on these kinds of people and am now cursed with the knowledge of how life can, has, and always will be horrifically desecrated by these monsters. It's just one of the few things I just cannot stomach.

Confidently, I can declare that we as a species are regressing, and it's evident in the good-for-nothings who spew nothing but parochial, myopic bullshit and are ever so sneakily infiltrating the public scene. As I'm a Christian, I trust in Jesus's return and the rapture, but as an individually intuitive girl with a wild imagination and dark thoughts that ceaselessly loom over me no matter how badly I want them to go away, a funny thought I quite like entertaining is that every effort humans make to consolidate our presence here on Earth only brings us closer to our inevitable demise, at some point we will outstay our welcome in this world, try and bush barriers we were not mean to, and the outcome is gonna be ugly. It all starts with little oddities here and there, little creases and cracks being formed in our design, and those things amass into a bigger formidable issue composed of all the fissures we've failed to patch, and that happens over and over all gain until it balloons far out of our control into a permanent fracture that we're just gonna have to learn how to mold around and coexist with. Perhaps one day, and one day soon, they become too much for the scaffolds of our civilizations to bear, which at that point causes the creeds and views we've founded our homes, hospitals, economy, society, and government upon to come toppling over until finally we find ourselves descending into a downward incline towards total catastrophe. Let it be known, that Idiosyncratic is founded upon this random notion I threw together during a more darker period in my life. I never would've thought such misanthropic thinking would culminate into the best premise I've ever come up with, obviously in my personal person.

Imma be working on a series of artworks showcasing what the Whitman propaganda in my book is gonna look like, and an idea I have for one of them is a visual displaying the human evolution chart except after the Homo Sapien stage we start regressing all the way back to whatever the hell the first stage is, until again they continue to evolve but iat the end of this series instead of there being a human it's Whitman himself, who is by the by no way shape or form human. It's like, we rose, we fell, then rose again--but no longer are we what we were before. I probably sound mad right now, but I promise it'll make a lot more sense once I actually make it.

Anyways, that's all I got to say right now, but just as a final comment--why is it that people are so adamant that it's either science or religion? Why can't everything be perfectly and meticulously intertwined? The way I see it, faith is not founded upon having absolute definitive proof of a a higher omnipotent being, it's believing in them and trusting in them unconditionally and wholeheartedly, you needn't know that they're there to know that they're there, if that makes sense. For me, it was never a matter of whether or not God is real--that much is practically innate to my being--it was always, why does he work in such esoteric ways? When I was younger, the answer was far beyond me, but now I know better--and I am endlessly astounded by God's work. That's my take, though.

[glacierruler]

Patton Sanders

So, this is my reblog of a post that @cutebisexualmess reblogged and put tags on. And now I must go on a very very long ramble about Patton Sanders and especially his role in Sanders Sides.

I want to be very clear, that this is biased because I relate to him.

I'm not providing clear proof or evidence, because that would require me to watch the whole series again, and I will forget to write this.

CWs include: manipulation and talks of manipulation, talking about morality and the more muddy or unclear bits in it, self destructive habits, self deprecation, depression, and perfectionism

I'm going to be writing this and trying to update the Content Warnings, but I can't promise that I'll get them all.

With that done, if you're able to and would like to read, press read more!

Okay, so first we've got to remember that Patton isn't just Thomas's morality, but he's also Thomas's emotions. Which already muddies a lot of things up right out of the gate.

Morality, while having a kind of unclear dictionary definition, basically boils down to a person's sense of what's right and what's wrong.

Where as, emotions are how you feel about a situation.

I'll (try to remember to) explore both of those topics a bit deeper later on in the post.

So all this to say, that Patton isn't just in charge of what Thomas believes to be right and wrong, but also his feelings on the matter. Which makes him more subjective instead of objective on what's going on. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing in all situations. However, it can be detrimental because, since Patton is Thomas's morality, he has this belief that his views are always morally correct. Which is simply not factual. Morality can be skewed, morality is something that's learned. For most people, when they believe something is morally right or morally wrong, no matter if it is or not, it can be near impossible to convince them otherwise. And when people do things that go against their morals, they tend to feel horrible about it. This is one of the reasons that I believe if Thomas had gone to the callback instead of the wedding, he would've felt horrible there as well.

I'm not going to say I'm unbiased about the outcome of the debate between the callback and wedding, and imo there were better ways to go about figuring out which one to go to. But, what I feel like a lot of people look over when saying Thomas would have been happier going to the callback, is that he probably wouldn't have. Because Patton would feel guilty about missing out on a very important event in some of Thomas's closest friends' lives. Which would have made Thomas feel guilty, which makes it even less likely that Thomas would have been able to perform well, or as well as he would've liked. And as someone who has done acting before(albeit not really outside of the church I used to go to), your emotions going into trying to get a part are extremely important to how well you're going to be able to play the part. So there is a very big chance that if Thomas had gone to the callback instead of the wedding, he wouldn't have gotten the part and would feel even worse about a day where he already feels horrible. (Nevermind the fact that it could very easily spiral into thoughts of 'I went to the callback instead of my best friends' wedding, for no reason. Not only am I a horrible friend, but I suck at acting too.'[For clarification, this is not even close to what I think of Thomas, this is an example of the thoughts that could spiral from if Thomas had gone to the callback and not gotten the part.])

However, as everyone who has watched past the Wedding Redux video would know, Thomas went to the wedding and felt horrible about that. Some of you might understandably be wondering why, as he did what Patton - Thomas's morality- thought was the correct choice. This is because Thomas seemed to want to go to the callback as much if not more than the wedding. Which is where his emotions, which is also Patton, comes into play. Patton now feels guilty and horrible because Thomas wants to go to the callback, and Thomas wants that acting part.

Like, don't get me wrong, Patton absolutely believes going to the wedding was the correct choice, but Thomas had been excited to be fulfilling his dreams of being an actor. And so the excitement of his friends getting married was dampened by the fact that he missed out on what could've been a dream job. And not only that, but now because Thomas is bummed about missing this opportunity, Patton feels guilty about the disappointment, because his friends are getting married and he should be happy and even excited about it. But he isn't. And so, while morally Thomas did the right thing(according to Patton), because he isn't happy about what's happened, that essentially traps Patton in this circle of guilt. Guilt for the choice that Thomas made not making Thomas happy; and guilt for being at Lee and Mary-Lee's wedding to celebrate and not being ecstatic for them. And then there was what happened when Thomas got home and started processing everything.

This has happened before in, I think, at least one previous episode, where Patton has doubled down on his stance. On him being right, because he is Thomas's morality, he knows wrong from right. It. Is. His. Job. So when something(or someone) questions what Patton knows has to be morally correct, he has to shoot it down(I will hopefully remember to come back to this) because if he's wrong, then Thomas is wrong, and if Thomas is wrong, doesn't that make him a bad person? And in that respect, wouldn't that make Patton a bad side? And if he's a bad side, what then?

So Patton does his best to be perfect and correct and right all the time, and in turn he tries to kind of force the other 'light' sides in the same direction, because they need to be perfect. They need to be perfect for Thomas to be perfect. Which, imo, affects Roman the most. Because Roman is Thomas's ego, his creativity, his hopes and dreams, and his passion. With both Patton and Roman needing Thomas to be perfect and the best, it leaves almost no room for failure, which heightens Thomas's anxiety, and makes it less likely that he'll be successful with being logical about his reasoning. (I don't know too much about Remus's function to even semi-accurately allude to how this could be effecting him, and we will be talking about Janus soon.)

To make what was probably going to be a really long ramble shorter. Patton is urging Thomas to do the right thing, because he's morality and he has to be right about what is morally correct. And Roman, is more likely to listen to everything that Patton says, because he's the ego, and needs more positive attention. Being morally correct means more positive attention and that is a good thing. (I am not saying that Roman does or doesn't actually care about doing the right thing, I am saying that he is NOT morality so it is NOT nearly as important to him as positive attention. It is why Janus buttering him up during the trials was discombobulating him so much. And also probably one of the reasons why he started being more hostile to the side after, he did not like the fact that Janus knew how to use his ego against him.) And, I think Patton sort of knows this. Fair warning, this part might be more subjective than most of this post. I think that Patton knows enough to realize that Roman is more likely to agree with him when Roman gains positive attention(when the ego is being fed). And so, he frames things with Roman as though Thomas would be a bad friend for not doing {insert example here}, which Patton does believe. But it's also a blow to Roman at the same time. I don't think Patton realizes the extent of the damage it does to Roman(and in turn Thomas). In my opinion Patton does this because he believes it himself, that Thomas is a bad friend if he doesn't help out(or go to their wedding), and he realizes Roman is more likely to agree with him when he points things like that out. And Roman, as the ego, will not want to openly admit to being hurt by it(iirc the only times he ever tries to vent out his hurt and frustrations are when he can write it off as jokes or make it so his voice is barely heard, and he tends to be vague about it). And it does not help anyone that when Thomas chooses what Patton thinks is morally correct, Roman tends to get positive attention.

But that's unhealthy and can only last so long before everything falls apart.

For the record, I still don't believe that Patton knows that he's actively harming Roman.

Now, we're getting to the aftermath of the wedding(I know I said we were doing that quite a few paragraphs ago, but I realized that I wasn't quite there yet, sorry).

After the wedding, both Patton and Roman are trying to figure out what went wrong. Why couldn't they just be happy for their friend? What went wrong?

So Janus decides to jump in and start explaining to Patton why everything went wrong(in the disguise of Logan until he couldn't anymore). And he tries to go into the more grey areas of morality as a whole, and Patton does not like this. Because Patton believes, and has been raised to believe, that you always do the morally correct thing and that you have to do it for the right reasons. And I can not reiterate this enough, Patton is Thomas's morality and emotions.

So Patton and Janus start arguing. And Roman takes Patton's side, for multiple reasons, but one of them is the fact that one of the biggest blows to the ego tends to be when you are wrong about something you were sure you were right about. Yes, Roman also defended Patton because they are friends, but every decision they make is made by their own functions and their control in what Thomas does, you cannot separate them from their functions when talking about their actions because their actions are shaped by their functions. Throughout this argument things are chaotic and hectic and hard to keep up with. But then Patton turns into a frog and accidentally hurts Thomas while trying to make his point. Because of this, he realizes that Janus is correct in what he's saying. That Thomas needs a fucking break, and he can't do everything right all the time, and that morality isn't quite as simple as he thinks it is. However, the fact that Patton was wrong, kind of shatters Roman, because Roman needed him to be right. Or else what was it all for.

And I want to be very clear here, Patton is reeling from everything that's happened too. He understands that morality isn't quite as easy as crossing a line into being good or bad. I don't think he thought it was quite as simple as I'm saying, I'm just not sure how else to put it. Anyways, Patton while realizing he wasn't right this time, and he might not have been right last time, is too preoccupied with what this new information means for him. And no one is paying any real attention to Roman.

Janus, in order to get everyone present to trust him, tells them his name(iirc, and this detail I'm more iffy on than most, I believe Roman prompted this). Roman, now not just hurting from throwing hopes and dreams down the drain for the wedding but also probably about to sport the biggest bruise to his ego in a long while if not Thomas's life, makes fun of it. And Janus retaliates, poking at his deepest insecurity, comparing him to his twin - Remus. Neither Patton nor Thomas say anything, because in that moment Patton and to an extant Thomas are making that comparison. And then Roman says something about being their hero(I can't remember the exact words, I'm sorry, they're important, I know they're important, I just can't remember). Neither Patton or Thomas respond. And, imo, it's because they no longer know. They don't know. One other thing none of them know, is how much that silence broke Roman.

So, in conclusion. Patton is NOT an innocent little bean who can do no wrong. However he is also NOT unsympathetic.

Again, all of this is my opinions, and why I think this is what's going on. I think it'd be more convincing and have more and even better solid evidence if I had recently rewatched Sanders Sides. But I haven't.

[theheadlessgroom]

@beatingheart-bride

"I know, I know, but..."

But what if we could've changed it? Both brothers were asking themselves the same question, over and over again, wondering endlessly if they had been there with their family...would the outcome have been any better?

Could I have helped Willy overcome the drink? Would he not have drowned, had I been there? If we'd given them some money, if we'd been able to pitch in, would June not have gotten so sick, working herself like that?

Could we have kept those awful people from going after our nephew like that? Could we have made it so that he wasn't always so stepped on?

If I'd been there, I would've stopped that man...if I'd just been there, Randall and his lady love, they would've lived...!

All these thoughts continued to pile up in their minds, crashing into one another hard and fast, until June touched the pair's arms, pulling them out of their thoughts as she said, "There's no use dwelling on the past-what's done is done, there's no changing it. We've all made our peace with our lives, and our deaths. We're together now, and at the end of the day, that's what matters the most to us."

"I knew it'd be...hard to hear," Wilhelm said-understatement of the year, of course, and he winced a little saying it, before he continued, "But I didn't want to keep that secret from you. I wanted you to know-you...you deserved to know. You're my brothers, and...I just can't imagine keeping something that big from you."

Neither brother said anything more, instead settling for embracing their youngest brother, practically picking him up and off the ground when they did: It was a lot to swallow, a lot to take in, and they were sure the guilt would linger for a good long while...

...but they knew now, for better or worse. And at the very least, they were reunited now with Wilhelm, and that was worth its weight in gold to them both. There was a lot of catching up to do-and hopefully, the good stories outweighed the bad.

"Why don't we go downstairs?" Randall ventured to suggest-something to drink and some lighter conversation was in order.

[kirbles]

9 ship songs

i got tagged by @omgkalyppso who shared a tav/origin (étoile/astarion) playlist they made. so i am doing the same lmao

i don't have anyone explicitly to tag so if anyone is interested, go ahead! you have my blessing!

the ship is my tav (i still need to fkin name him) and astarion. i've finished his personal quest and romance so it was fun to spend the day making this while i'm still fresh in my feelings.

'metaphor' by the crane wives ( stfy / yt ) astarion pov. the two meet for the first time. tav is more goody at this point, and so astarion acts very superficial towards him.

I've gotten good at leaning on metaphors I've gotten good at living on someone else's page I cut my teeth on second hand sentiments You can't trust a single thing I say I keep my closet free of skeletons 'Cause I'm much better at digging graves But I always dig up bones in your sympathy I can't trust a single thing you say Don't look too hard, 'cause you won't like the scars he left in me

2. 'something in the way you are' by kimbra ( stfy / yt ) tav pov. post-bite has tav very interested in the vampire. relevant to their first intimate encounter.

I'm wondering about your childhood Wonder if you were misunderstood I'm watching you inside your head I wonder if you know how long I can And I can feel it in my bones I love all of the sticks and stones And every little word you say You're breaking me in the best way

3. 'thunder lightning' by iamamiwhoami ( stfy / yt ) astarion pov. his behaviour doesn't seem to deter my tav. in fact, he seems to mostly go along with it.

Got to break the stillness for a while Need to see dеstruction to feel alive And when I say sorry I’m full of lies Got a violеnt streak I'm not ashamed Are you beat yet? Pressure keeps rising high Nothing thrills me like a savage game

4. 'snakeskin' by rina sawayama ( stfy / yt ) relates more to my oathbreaker tav and the influence astarion had in that outcome. he 'sheds' the oath like a snakeskin and follows a new path with his love

Looking for forgiveness I ran into your madness Shutting off my brain just to spite my heart You're slithering, slithering, slithering into my heart, yeah You're changing my, changing my, changing my, changing my mind, yeah I'm shedding, I'm shedding, I'm shedding, I'm shedding my snakeskin You're wearin' it, wearin' it, wearin' it every day, yeah

5. 'daffodil' by florence and the machine ( stfy / yt ) astarion pov. very much an 'oh no i didn't mean to fall in love' song.

I never thought it would get this far This somewhat drunken joke Sometimes, I see so much beauty I don't think that I can cope There is no bad, there is no good I drank every sky that I could Made myself mythical, tried to be real Saw the future in the face of a daffodil

6. 'fade' by lewis capaldi ( stfy / yt ) tav pov. oh look another 'i didn't mean to fall in love' song. this one is more my tav reacting to what happens in astarion's personal quest.

Wish somebody would've told me That I'd end up so caught up in need of your demons That I'd be lost without you leading me astray Guess I'm such a fucking fool for the way that you caught me You make my heart break more every day But don't fade away Well, I know that we've been hardly holding on To tell the truth, I can't believe we got this far

7. 'francesca' by hozier ( stfy / yt ) tav pov. post astarion personal quest. he was there for him since the beginning of their journey and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Do you think I'd give up That this might've shook the love from me Or that I was on the brink? How could you think, darling, I'd scare so easily? Now that it's done There's not one thing that I would change My life was a storm, since I was born How could I fear any hurricane?

8. 'superstar' by marina ( stfy / yt ) they have seen each other at their absolute lowest and overcome some incredible adversaries. they are ride or die.

We'll stick together Make it through the storm You and I Whoever said we couldn't have it all? I love the way we worked so hard Yeah, we've come so far Baby, look at me, you're my superstar When I'm afraid, when the world's gone dark Come and save my day, you're my superstar

9. 'finding you' by kesha ( stfy / yt ) endgame. a nice conclusion for my brain sickness that is this ship.

I know forever don't exist But after this life, I'll find you in the next So when I say "forever, " it's the goddamn truth I'll keep finding, finding you I'm gonna search for your love Right through Hell and Heaven Millions of years yet to come And in all dimensions I know that you'll always be My happy ending

[imminent-danger-came]

Hello mutual-in-law, since you're the parallel person I figured I'd share this with you too but would you say, S3 EP 10 "We will figure this out, together." - MK and S4 Special "Wherever there's scheming, we can handle it." - Wukong, are parallels? + that same instance of "I won't abandon you" of MK @/Mei S3 and Wukong @/MK in S5.

Hello mutual-in-law!

I'd say, for sure, it's a parallel. I'd even go a step further and say it's a consistent theme throughout the show!

You of course have "We'll figure this out together" from 3x10, which in itself is a parallel to RoTSQ where the gang/Mei tells MK the same thing. I'm going to list some others in bullet point format, and make a full parallels post later lol:

1x10 ("What? No. I didn't mean you guys, too!" "You thought you were going without us?" "MK we get it. You're the Monkie Kid, ha. It's your job to go fight the bad guys." "But we're your team, little man! It's our job to get you there!" "No matter what.")

RoTSQ ("I'm sorry. I just...don't know what to do." "Kid, no one ever does! Not really." "But we're going to figure this out." "Together.")

2x01 ("And you know, 'The next step of your journey you must do alone.'" "Alone?" & "Fine, then just leave! At least my friends will never abandon me!" & "And even though I was all alone and I had been completely abandoned by everyone, I used my brain and saved the whole city!) (Bonus Smartie Kid/Plan Man arc)

2x04 ("But you are always there when I need you so it's time for me to return the favor!")

2x07 ("Together, there was nothing that could stop the two of them either in the celestial realms or on Earth." & "But I'm not ready for this. I can't face the Lady Bone Demon alone.")

2x10 ("What could have been so important that you'd leave MK alone to face that- that thing? You're supposed to be his mentor!" & "We can do this. We're stronger together.")

3x06 ("We've pulled off all sorts of crazy stuff before. There ain't nothing we can't do if we do it as a team!)

3x08 ("Surely even you can see that unless we stand together-" "Together? Remind me again exactly what it is you contribute to the team?" & "Deep in my heart, I know that my place is alongside my friends. One day, I will become someone they can depend on, the way that I can always depend on them! As long as we stand together, there will always be hope!")

3x10 ("No! Mei is my best friend. I'd never abandon her when she needs me!" & "To feel like the fate of the world is in your hands and you have no idea what to do. But you always have my back and help me through it. We will figure this out. Together!" & "I'm gonna do what I should've done originally. Stop the Lady Bone Demon. Alone.)

3x12 ("As long as we're still standing, there's always hope!")(Specific parallel to 3x08)

3x13 ("From the moment you picked up the Monkey King's staff, their stories became our stories. It's our responsibility to write the final chapter, no matter the outcome. If we do this, we do it together. That's Monkie Kid 101!) (This is also a parallel to 2x01 where MK says "Come on MK! Self-confidence! That's Monkey King 101")

3x14 ("You said it, Mo! The world may be full of darkness, but to let the light shine, all we need to do is stand together!" & )

4x02 ("You don't know. We'd risk it for sure. I won't abandon them when they need us.")

4x06 ("You're always there for us when we need you. The least we can do is be there for you when you need us.")

4x09 ("Azure Lion, The Golden Winged Peng, and Yellowtusk the Wise. Alone, they can best a thousand-man army, together, they are nigh unstoppable.")

4x12 ("Every one of you is already a hero! Together, you can do this We can do this!")

4x14 ("I just wanted to make the world a better place..." "You still can. You're the only one who can!" & "But! That can be a tomorrow problem. Whatever they're scheming, we can handle it.")

I've only seen the first 2 eps of s5, so I'll take your word for it!

It's like a mix of doing it together, doing it alone, doing it when your friends need you, etc.

[thefoxtrot008]

Dialogue Prompts

Alright, you guys. Here is part 8 of the dialogues list! It's pretty long, this time though these aren't categorized, so enjoy! :)

"This is the best possible outcome we could come up with?!" "I don't know how we keep getting ourselves into these situations."

"And we stand one grade A dumbass." "This is a dumb idea." "So, do it."

"For real, you just jinxed us for all the years to come."

"Don't talk to me unless you're coming to apologize!" "Well, don't worry! I won't"

"You befriended a cult?!"

"That was my bad eye anyway."

"Why is everybody crying? Nobody died."

"Only five visitors at a time!"

"Just in case I didn't get the chance to do it again."

"Thanks for pushing me out of my chair, I guess."

"Why do I have to compete if I didn't do it?"

"And how do you plan on skating by that conversation?"

"Since when did you get so hot?"

"I'm not dead!"

"What?! When did it happen? This is news!"

"Wow. Way to leave me behind."

"You'll have that scar forever, I'm afraid."

"What is more important here? Your freedom? Or theirs?"

"This is close quarters, no?"

"You broke up with him via a letter?!" "It was a detailed letter. Better than over the phone!" "Doesn't make it any better."

"We're going to be late, come on."

"He's just going to find some way to making this my fault isn't he?"

"You're supposed to hit the ball! Not miss it!"

"You'll be lucky if they let you try out again after what happened last year."

"What? You didn't think I was going to do all of this by myself did you?" "I've got to go and make a call." "I've got to go do uh... costume checks..." "Guess it's just you and me cowboy." "I've got to uh..." "If you stay, I'll buy you dinner." "I was gonna go to the bathroom."

"Stop fidgeting. You look good."

"You can look but don't touch."

"My husband's going to kick your ass." "I don't think you understand the severity of the situation."

"Are you sure that's the way it's supposed to go? That doesn't look good."

"I'll only have some of yours if you have some of mine."

"You know, for a thief, you're a bad liar."

"You two better get your stories straight. You better give me a reason as to why you're doing this."

"And what if everything doesn't go to plan? Hmm? There's always that possibility. What, you're gonna pick her over all of us?"

"Hey... uh... I thought you were uh... still mad at me." "Oh, believe me. I still am. But I uh..." "Can't sleep?"

"I can't live like this! Something is wrong. Are you going to tell me what it is?" "You have to ASK what is wrong? Shouldn't you know?!" "I don't, that's why I'm asking."

"Did you put batteries in it?" "Yea, I put batteries in it."

"You left because you got bored?!"

"Later, you and I are going to have a conversation you wish we never had."

"It's about time you guys showed up! Where the hell have you been?!" "We had... a technical difficulty."

"What?! We want to come!" "Not this time. Stay in the car."

"You wanna get out of here?" "Have you done anything like this before?" "No. But this is rather exciting isn't it?"

"So, all of these guys are your brothers?" "Yep. All eleven of them."

"It wouldn't hurt if you asked him." "No, he won't do it. He got out of the game years ago." "He'll do it if I ask him."

"Now, are you going to be a lady and tell me what the gig is?" "Now, where would the fun in that be?"

"And if I don't take it?" "Then this conversation never happened and we've never met... but I do hope, you'll reconsider."

"Any other questions? No? Good."

"Oh, don't let me stop you. Go ahead with the plan." "Glad we have your permission."

"And prey tell, what can you do sweetheart?" "I was hoping you'd never have to find out, but since you asked."

"No! Absolutely not! This is not happening!" "Stay away from my sister! About 10 ft from my sister!" "Quit looking at him like that!" "I can't help it if he's handsome!" "You can't tell me who I can and can date you're not mom!"

"I can handle myself. If he does anything to me, I'll beat him to a pulp." "That's my girl."

"Well, sweetheart. It's just us now. What exactly, is it that you wanna do?"

"Aw, babe. you were worried about me?" "That's all that you got from that conversation?!" "Admit it. You were worried."

"It won't go any other way. I swear, if we have to do this again, I'm gonna.."

"Thank you for staying and helping." "Eh. It''s no problem. Besides, it gives me more time to spend with you." "That was so smooth, I can't."

"You just got out of prison and you went to see him first instead of coming to see me? I'm offended."

"We'll need a crew." "We haven't gotten that far yet."

"We've got a proposition for you. If you're interested." "What's the target?" "holy shit." "it's a lot."

"hey. if you want this to work, this is what I need."

"I mean, if this is something that you want, we'll help you. but if you fail, just prepare to be the laughing stock again." "Bold of you to assume, I've recovered from last year."

"Why were they not present at the time of your discretion?"

"And this letter is for you." "Is it from lover boy? I bet it's from lover boy." "Oh, shove off! So, what if it is?"

"he was our captain, why aren't we getting these offers?" "maybe he likes me better."

"Yea, but you put em' in their place. I wouldn't have gotten off without you." "It's what I'm here for."

"alright. that's it. I'm out."

"What do you mean IF you offended me?!" "Alright!!! I'm sorry that I've offended you!"

"Tell him, that I need a little more space here." "Just apologize!" "Why me?! She overreacted!" "I'm sorry - I overreacted?!" "What?! Just when this was getting good." "Break up. break up. break up, please, for my sake, break up!"

"Oh, come on, love. We have to talk about this!" "Oh, now you wanna talk about this?!"

"Okay. Let's go. We've traveled with you all day, now you're coming with us at night." "But we can't see at night." "Sounds more of like a you problem, doesn't it?"

"I gave it to them." "And who are you to give it to them, when it's rightfully mine!"

"Do you have to go?" "Believe me. I don't want to my love, but I have to."

"I hope he realizes what he's doing." "me too."

"Would all of you please just SHUT UP!!!... he has something he would like to say!" "Thank you."

"I'll go! I'll distract them. I'm good at that." "they will tear you apart." "It'll be enough time to give you what you need."

"he's right. you can't go." "since when are you in complete agreement with him?" "since now. you could die or... or be severely injured you know that right?"

"while you deal with them, I'll go and grab the door." "don't let anyone else in!" "yea, okay."

"this is nice, your place. did you do it yourself?"

"just doing my duty as a good host!" "you seem to be taking this much better than your brother." "you're not supposed to eat that!" "how are you not freaking out about this?! they're destroyed our home, mind you!" "you always do overreact to everything."

"excuse me, but I will not have you insult my own brother in our own home. now, I must ask you to apologize, or to leave. you can find your hospitality elsewhere."

"she doesn't know what love is!" "then this might be a good chance for her to find out."

"you're siding with them!?" "I am not. I'm merely eating."

"you cannot stop this."

"nope. you cannot have one or the other. we come in a package deal. you get both of us." "what is the matter with you?! what makes you think I want to be apart of any of this?!" "this is what we've dreamed about since we were kids! you're telling me you don't want to be apart of this?!"

"you might be the only one to convince him of this."

"I want learn how to do that." "oh, I don't think that you could handle something like this, love." "pft. love? alright. someone hand me a sword so, I can kick his ass." "don't you dare you go easy on me." "believe me love, I won't. trust me when I say that." "five pounds on the girl, she loses." "you're on."

"I'd think twice before doing something like this." "I've already made up my mind. you're not stopping me." "alright. I'll step aside then." "that's right, you better."

__________________________________________________________

And.... that's a wrap folks! :)

[jedifighterpilot2727]

All Myx'd Up - Part 4

The fourth and final chapter in the 'All Myx'd Up' miniseries!

I hope you all have enjoyed this little story as much as I have, because it's safe to say that I've written more in the past few months (over all my stories), than I have in years and it's been an absolute blast! I have every intention of keeping up the writing pace, (with some attention going towards the book, of course). As always, I love to hear from you guys! Whether it's about fanfic, or fandom, or just general nerdiness!

After Kara's tearful confession, the group had effectively split up. Kara and Lena chose to stay in the med bay, Alex had taken some samples and run off to her lab, and Lexi had escaped to the computer library.

Which is how she found herself seated at a desk with two laptops, three tablets, and a paused hologram; all focused on a different aspect of research.

"You're doing the thing your mother does." Alex's voice in Lexi's ear startles her, as does the finger poking her in the middle of her forehead.

"Sorry, crinkle comes with the territory."

"Not the crinkle thing; the dark, brooding thing. Other mother."

"Well, you know, if you specified which mother, I wouldn't have to guess." Lexi counters, not bothering to disguise the bite in her voice.

"Whoa, Kiddo. I get it, your mom's acting weird and you're stressed. No need to snap at me, we're on the same team - we'll figure it out. Trust me, your mom will be back to herself in no time."

Lexi closes her eyes and forces herself to take a deep breath, holding it for a moment before exhaling her anger with the air.

"Easy for you to say, your mom didn't completely forget you existed."

"Ahhh. I see."

"I mean, I know I do a pretty good job at hiding it most of the time; but I do have abandonment issues."

"Yeah, you get that from your mother too."

"Both of them." Alex is quick to clarify as Lexi raises her eyebrow.

"Or, ya know, the fact that I got abandoned at an orphanage as a baby, that might have something to do with it."

"Hey, kiddo, we've all got issues, save it for therapy." Alex deadpans, and it has the intended effect with Lexi snorting a laugh.

They stand in silence for a few minutes before Alex speaks again.

"Do you know what exactly it is that the Black Mercy does?"

"Yeah, it like puts you in this dream state where you can't tell what's real life and what's your imagination."

"Sort of. It convinces your brain that whatever your perfect dream world is, it exists, and you're in it. So the fact that Kara thinks she's under the effects of Black Mercy right now says a lot."

Lexi puts down her tablet to give Alex her full attention.

"Like what?"

"Well, for starters; it says that, in her mind, a world with you and your mom is the greatest possible outcome in life that she can imagine."

Lexi is quiet at that, thumb tapping the tip of each of the fingers of the same hand in a silent rhythm.

"It also means that she thinks I'm the fuddy duddy who's come to ruin her fun and drag her back to the real world." Alex smiles deprecatingly. "So she may not remember you, but she remembers me as the bad guy. Arguably a worse position to be in."

"You're not the bad guy." Lexi is quick to correct her.

"No? Why does everyone always expect me to be the Debbie Downer then?"

"It's not that, it's just . . . everyone trusts you to make the right decision. Even when it sucks. Even if it kills you to do it, you'll do what needs to be done. That's why you have the Kryptonite bullets."

Alex freezes at that, eyes instantly narrowing in suspicion,

"How do you know about the Kryptonite bullets?"

Lexi shrugs.

"That's not the point, The point is that you're the only one in the entire universe that the moms would trust to have them - would trust to use them, if the time came. That's not something to take lightly -"

"I don't."

"I know you don't. And I know you don't ever want to have to use them; that it would destroy you to have to use them. But you'd still do it. That's why you're Aunt Alex. That's why I call you when there's a mouse in my apartment, and why you have Kryptonite bullets, and why practically everyone you know has you as their power of attorney if something happens to them. You'll do what needs to be done."

"I know you're trying to make me feel better, Kiddo, but you're just making me sound like a robot with no feelings."

"If you were a robot with no feelings, then no one would trust you with the things that they do. You understand the feelings, you feel the feelings, but you can separate the feelings from what needs to be done. Frankly, it's a shit gig; and I'm glad you're the one who has it and not me. But it says something about your character, you know? Not a lot of people would do what you do. It's one of the reasons you're my favorite aunt."

"I'm your only aunt, besided, I thought I was supposed to be the one making you feel better here?"

"Yeah, you were and then you had to go and make it about you." Lexi counters, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly and Alex answers with a light smack on the back of her niece's head.

"Watch it, kiddo, I'm still your elder."

"Well, you are old."

"When did you become such a smart ass?"

"Hmm, I think it all started around three and a half; about the time I started hanging around you."

Alex's only good response to that is another smack.

"Seriously though," Lexi rubs the back of her head with a laugh. "I'm glad we can at least rule out Black Mercy. Maybe we should start a list of all of the things that aren't wrong with mom."

"Not a terrible idea." Alex concedes. "Kind of like working on a diagnosis, I suppose; instead of getting disappointed by the wrong answers, we can see it as one step closer to the truth."

"So if it's not Black Mercy, what's the opposite of Black Mercy? . . . Black Death?"

"You mean. . . like the bubonic plague? I don't think your mom caught the Black Plague from that alien she fought last night. I mean, I can run some tests -" Alex reaches for her comm button but Lexi waves a hand to stop her.

"No, no, sorry; bad wording. I just mean what if there's an alien spore, but instead of sending you into a deep sleep where all of your dreams feel like they're coming true - it's your nightmares that feel real." Lexi's gaze is a hundred miles away, and Alex can practically see the wheels turning in her brain.

"I'm listening."

"Come on, we should go back to the med bay, my thoughts are all jumbled and I don't want to try and explain this twice."

Alex allows herself to be drug to one of the med bay conference rooms, where Lena is standing at the small lectern while she plays a picture slideshow on the wall.

"Ok, but why did you let me go out in public - much worse a charity gala - with my hair looking like that?" Kara is asking as they walk in.

"Well, to be fair, that look was all the rage . . . for a half a season . . . Catco even did a spread about it."

Kara's face is positively horrified.

"Sounds like the editor should be fired."

"Well, Darling, you're the editor."

Kara's nose crinkles, and she studies the picture again.

"Well, I should definitely fire myself."

"I hate to interrupt this weeks episode of the fashion police," Alex cuts in. "But baby Einstein has an idea."

Hope lights up Lena's face and she turns her attention to Lexi.

"Did you figure out what's going on?"

"Not exactly, but we figured out what's not going on."

"Alright, well, that's something I guess." Lena concedes as she takes a seat next to Kara and lets Lexi have the podium. "What's not the problem?"

"Well, we know it's not black mercy, right? Because if so, the real world would be the crappy world and the dream would be the good world. But instead, the real world is the good world and Mom was sent to some crappy world."

"I'm not following." Lena admits.

Lexi shuts down the slideshow projected on the white board and looks frantically for a dry erase marker.

"Alright, so -" Lexi finally snags a bright green marker from a bin in the corner and writes 'Black Mercy' in large letters on one side of the white board and a giant question mark on the other.

"What exactly is Black Mercy?" she posits the question to the room and Lena can't help but feel a little like she's in a college lecture, especially when Kara raises her hand.

"It's an alien plant that projects a dream of your perfect life into your dreams so that you stay under and don't want to go back to real life."

"Exactly." Lexi writes 'One good dream' under Black Mercy on the board. "So what's the opposite of a good dream?"

"A nightmare." Kara is sitting forward with folded hands and elbows on the table like an eager student or someone way too invested in a game of Pictionary.

So she basically looks like she usually does every game night.

"Right!" Lexi scrawls out 'nightmare' under the question mark. "But what's the opposite of one?"

"Uhhh, a lot?" Alex looks just confused as Lena feels.

"Exactly!" Lexi points to Kara. "And what happened to you last night?"

Kara looks to Lena and Alex for help but is met only with shrugs.

"I . . . fought an alien?"

"Yeah, but like, what do you remember happening?"

"Ummm. Well. I was upset, because Lena wasn't speaking to me."

"Because . . . " Lexi leads.

"Because I waited too long to tell her that I'm Supergirl?"

"Ok, so mom not talking to you, we'll classify that under 'nightmare' category, right?"

Kara's gaze flickers to Lena; a sad, hollowed out expression in her eyes.

"Definitely not the most fun experience."

"Then what happened?"

"Then I went back to my apartment and Mxyptlk showed up."

"Right, so I don't know a ton about this guy, but I think it's safe to say that we can file him under the 'nightmare' category too?"

"Most certainly." Lena answers for Kara this time, reaching out to grab her wife's restless fingers.

"Then what happened?" Lexi presses, and Kara's fingers tighten around Lena's, her expression growing even more sullen.

"Then he basically showed me all the different ways that I could have possibly screwed up my relationship with Lena."

"Were any of the scenarios good?"

"Ummm, no. I mean some weren't as terrible as others, but they were all pretty bad."

Lexi writes 'bad x many' on the board and turns to her moms, looking almost apologetic.

"I know it's not fun to relive, but it supports my theory, I promise."

"And what exactly is your theory?" Alex pipes up.

"Okay, so -" Lexi turns back to the board, circling and underlining as she talks.

"Black Mercy is one, really good dream. What if what we're dealing with is something that's the exact opposite of Black Mercy? Lots of really bad dreams."

"The opposite of paradise is hell." Lena mutters.

Lexi spins, pointing the marker at Lena like she's just won the game.

"Exactly! What if you fought with the alien and it released some kind of fungal spore that has the opposite effect of Black Mercy? So then you go home, everyone thinks everything is fine; but as you're sleeping, the fungus releases its toxin and causes you to enter a dream like state where you experience a series of nightmares. The fungus and the nightmares affect your prefrontal cortex to such an extent that when you finally wake up, the dreams feel like they were a reality."

"So, like the movie Inception, she can't tell what's a dream and what's not." Alex simplifies.

"Exactly!"

Lena shifts her attention to Kara, who's staring pensively at the board.

"What do you think, Darling?"

"I mean . . . it makes sense, I guess." Kara blows out a breath. "But in the movie, he had the top thing so he could spin it and always know if he was in the real universe or the dream universe. What's my top? How am I supposed to know that this is the real universe and that you guys aren't just my dream telling me it's real?"

Lexi deflates slightly, looking to her audience for help.

"Well, I didn't figure that part out. Any ideas?"

Silence falls over the group as they contemplate this new problem.

"We could ask you questions that only you from this universe would know the answer to?" Alex offers finally.

"The only problem is that I've been studying this world ever since I woke up, what if I only know the answer because I saw some sort of clue?"

Lena drums her fingers on the table, and Kara's hand almost immediately drops to her thigh and gives a reassuring squeeze.

Just like she usually did in times of stress.

As inconspicuously as possible, Lena studies her wife. Kara doesn't even seem to register the fact that she's moved to comfort Lena, her other hand fiddling with her glasses as her eyes squint at the white board. It's then Lena realizes that Kara's acted completely without thought, her body reacting to Lena instinctively.

Instincts.

Instinctive memory that's stronger than conscious memory, sometimes even filling in when the latter eludes us.

"I've got it!" she crows a little too loudly, and everyone swivels their attention to her. "Your pre-frontal cortex is confused, but it can be over ridden by your cerebellum."

Alex and Lexi nod like they've caught on but Kara still looks confused.

"It's like when you forget a key code to a door you've used for years, but if you just kind of unfocus your cerebellum takes over and lets you punch in the code by muscle memory." Lena explains.

Understanding lights in Kara's eyes.

"So my cerebellum will still remember the right universe, even if my pre-frontal cortex doesn't?"

"Exactly." Lena nods.

"Great!" Alex claps her hands, "But how do we test that?"

"Well, like you suggested, with questions that only she would know the answer to. In a rapid fire format so she can't cheat and use clues she's found today." Lena answers, already wracking her brain for questions, but Alex beats her to it.

"What's the speed trajectory that you would have to adjust to if you were flying towards the ground at 170 miles an hour in order to avoid cracking the concrete of the sidewalk?"

Kara opens her mouth to answer but Lexi interrupts.

"Nope, not a qualifying question - Mom still had super powers in the other universe, and the answer would be the same in both." Lexi pauses for a moment before posing her own question.

"When's your anniversary with Mom?"

"September 22nd." Kara answers quickly before looking guiltily at Lena. "I did see our wedding photos today though, so I don't know if I trust that as a good question."

"Even when you don't remember what universe you're from, you still remember your anniversary, way to go for making the rest of us look bad." Alex grumbles.

Kara raises her hands in a shrug, and Lena takes her turn to ask a question.

"You're at the grocery store and I call you and ask you to pick up jelly, what flavor are you getting?"

Kara's eyes start to drift, thinking of the answer and Lena snaps her fingers.

"Quick! Don't think just answer!"

"Raspberry!" Kara blurts out and the rest of the group lets out a collective sigh. "Was I right?"

"Yes." Lena eyes her cautiously. "But why raspberry?"

"Because Lexi only like raspberry or grape, and after she ate too much grape jelly and threw up after soccer practice that one time, she only eats raspberry."

Realization dawns on Kara's face and she looks to Lexi.

"You threw up, all over your soccer jersey; and no matter how many times we washed it, it always had that purple stain on the number." She looks back to Lena, eyes filling with tears.

"You remember!" Lena can barely contain her excitement, and she throws herself at Kara, sending the conference chair rolling across the rug.

"So that's it?" Kara mumbles against Lena's hair. "This is my universe?"

"This is your universe!" Lexi confirms with a grin before her nose crinkles in disgust. "I still can't eat grape jelly."

Alex laughs and begins erasing the white board, but Kara's still tense with worry.

"So all those universes where I told you my secret and you hated me or something bad happened . . . those were all just nightmares?"

"All just nightmares." Lena confirms, and Lexi nods.

"I would say we run some tests to find out what exactly caused your condition, but the way it's progressing, I'd say it's too fast acting and will probably be completely worn off before we even know what we're looking for. Right Aunt Alex?"

"Right. I imagine it was some sort of airborne contagion that came to Earth via the alien you fought but it was diluted too much to affect anyone else by the time you brought them into DEO holding. Judging by your behavior, it's already stopped directly affecting your pre-frontal cortex and you're just suffering the lingering consequences of some very realistic dreams. I'll keep an eye on you, but I'm pretty sure you're through the worst of it."

Kara finally relaxes.

"Oh thank Rao, I don't think I've ever been more relieved in my entire life."

"Me either." Lexi agrees before holding a hand to her stomach. "I have to admit though, all the jelly talk has me craving a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

Alex smirks.

"Well, at least there's no question about which mother you get your appetite from."