#like u know what's weird is that even though i like all of these i also don't identify really with any of the characters
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𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 BEYOND THE JOB // JJK
daddy jungkook (literally)
; babysitting the cutest angel on earth is the perfect job. (except when her father is fucking hot and wants all of you)
+ comment if u wnna be added to the taglist
— 1/??
“seriously though, you have to fuckin’ quit that job already.”
Sasha, who happens to be your best friend ever since you started working at the local elementary school, just lectured you again. she was already teaching there when you arrived, you spent your lunch breaks with her and even be each other’s substitute sometimes.
surprisingly, she quit a few months after that. you stayed close though. at first, she was dying to know the drama happening among the teaching staff, but as shit kept going down which included you and the principal, all you ever hear from her is that you need to quit.
it wasn’t a huge surprise to her when you first told her your boss, aka the school’s principal, asked you out. it was weird, but everyone knew he was.. a little desperate. he had asked most of the female teachers out, some who agreed could only say bad things about the experience.
you declined his offer politely, explaining that you don’t want your personal life to mix with your job. it was awkward after that, but turns out he seems to be the dumbest person on earth. he asked you out two weeks after that, again.
still to this day, he keeps asking you out over and over and you keep rejecting him over and over again. sure, he got a lil’ crush on you, sweet, right? fuck no. he’s a pervert, doesn’t know what personal space is.
“but i need the money. i don’t know where else i could get such good salary.” you told her, for the nth time.
“be a stripper,” Sasha casually said, sipping on her diet coke while your eyes widened.
“don’t say nonsense, dafuq..” you both shared a giggle, but you definitely won’t put that job idea on the bottom of your list. maybe in the middle, or top 5. if you really can’t find a good place, then gotta be top 3.
“you could be one until you save enough money, then look for a less crazy one.”
“there’s never enough money, sasha.” you sighed, fuck inflation. when you grew up and finished studying, you realized the hardest part of being an adult was money. it’s crazy how difficult it is to make a living.
“if you don’t give in your quitting notice tomorrow, i’m gonna do it for you instead.” she narrowed her eyes at you.
“i don’t want to make a decision too quick. not until i know i can find another job.”
“quit.”
“no.”
“quit.”
“no.”
“quit.”
…
“okay.”
she squealed in her chair, gaining some attention on the two of you.
“if you dare to lie to me right now, i’m gonna make you eat your own shit.”
you kicked her under the table, sending her a glare. “behave, bitch.”
┈ ⪩⪨ ┈
“oh, __! what brings you here today?” your boss, sehun immediately stood up from his chair, ready to greet you with a hug.
panicking, you reached your hand out with a paper, catching his attention. “this is..?”
“my resignation notice, sir.”
“your what?”
he took the paper from your grip, examining it carefully. his eyebrows fell together, eyes scanning every single word.
he backed up, resting on the edge of his table. he looked at the paper again, rereading the first sentence.
‘Kindly accept this letter as my formal resignation…’
“are you sure, __?” he asked, putting the paper on his table. he crossed his arms, frustration written on his face.
you fixed your hair, giving him a firm nod. “yeah, i’ve been thinking of it for a while now.”
“i’m glad i could be a part of this amazing team, but i just feel like,” you struggled to find the words, obviously you didn’t want to tell in his face.
‘aye bruh, stop bein’ a pervert and you might stop losing your workers’
“look, teaching isn’t my thing. and i feel horrible to find that out so late.”
“well, if your passion for teaching ever comes back, you’re more than welcomed here.”
“thank you,” you smiled, because even though he’s the most annoying person you’ve ever met, your co-workers have always been kind to you.
the children also love you, and you’re extremely thankful for all the support and love you got from everyone.
during the usual lunch break, you co-workers heard the news too. they all wished you the best with a hug, some getting emotional too.
officially, this was your last week working at the school.
when you got home, sasha sent you a link to an advertisement.
‘looking for a nanny’
you laughed, dialing her contact. didn’t take her long to answer, obviously. she’s always on her damn phone, even when working.
“you can’t be serious. a nanny?” you laughed, finding the idea of you with a kid ridiculous.
“have you seen the description? girl, they pay damn well!” she said, followed by her exhaling.
“didn’t you say you’re gonna stop smoking?”
“i stopped. for three hours.”
you shook your head, putting her on speaker as you clicked the advertisement.
“170.000₩?” you blurted out loud, “a day?!” sasha hummed on the other side of the call.
“told ya’..”
“that’s.. nice. woah, yeah, nice.” you mumbled as you continued to read the requirements and some important details about the job.
“give it a try.” sasha said, but your eyes caught a sentence.
“they want someone with experience, as expected.” you let out a long sigh and fell back on your bed.
“you got the experience.”
“me? sasha, i never looked after a kid-“
“you work with kids. first and second graders. and they all fuckin’ love you.”
“that’s different.” you groaned.
“it’s not. a kid is a kid. 3 year olds are just as damn annoying as 7 year olds. prove me wrong..”
you laughed, she was right. they can be a huge pain in the ass, but they have the purest soul.
“true.”
“give it a try, __.” she said again, calling you by your name. oh she’s serious serious.
“yeah, i might call tomorrow then.”
“might? no, you will.” she corrected you and you rolled your eyes.
“sure.”
you called them the next day after considering it for half a day, being the typical embarrassment, you called at the wrong time.
the man was in a hurry, so you both just quickly agree on a time to meet in person. that happened to be the day after.
you looked at the address one more time after you got off the bus, realizing it was more of a wealthy neighborhood. you only had to walk about 5 minutes until you got there, hesitantly but you pressed the bell.
a tall, young man opened the door. his skin is smooth and fair, almost perfect. his hair dark, slightly wavy which was styled in a mullet cut, longer at the back.
his choice in clothes seemed to be rich, a white ribbed polo shirt with short sleeves, causing your eyes to drop to his sleeve tattoo in a second. he paired it with black tailored trousers.
“hey, you must be __?” he asked with uncertainty and you came back to life, smiling to him.
“yeah, i am.”
“great, come in.”
he stepped aside and you walked in, taking off your shoes and jacket.
the house was oddly barely decorated, not a single picture or painting on the walls, very few plants, which you’re sure are fake plants also. the house wasn’t really colorful, most of the furnitures are bright. like beige and cream white.
“would you like a drink? water, tea, soda? maybe coffee?” he suggested as he walked in front of you, leading you to the living room.
“no, thank you.” you politely refused, feeling a little.. off in such a nice home. not something you’re used to.
you sat down on the couch, carefully not to mess the neatly placed pillows behind. god you looked so uncomfortable and awkward.
“i’d like to introduce myself again, in person this time.” he spoke as he sat down on the armchair, next to the couch.
“i’m jeon jungkook, 27. i’m a dentist in the center of seoul. i’m the father of a sweet angel, nabi. she turns 5 in a few weeks, we could say she’s in her, erm,” he struggled to find an appropriate word.
“crazy phase?” you asked with a smile.
“yeah, something like that. she’s been loud lately, that’s all.” he chuckled, resting his arms on his knees.
you nodded and held your small bag tightly, “i’d like to introduce myself better too, then.”
“i’m __, 24 and i currently work at an elementary school. i handed in my resignation letter and this is my last week as a teacher, so i’m searching for a new job currently.”
you paused, hesitant what else to say.
“elementary school? so, you work with kids?”
“yes, first and second grade.”
after a few minutes of getting to know each other more, a little girl, most likely his daughter, walked down the stairs with her sleepy appearance.
“oh!” she stopped the moment she saw you, the tiredness leaving her eyes.
“nabi, c’mere.” jungkook held out his hand, “this is __. what do you say?” he asked her, holding her tiny hands.
“hello.” she greeted you and you smiled, her shyness is adorable.
“hi.”
“__ is here because she would like to look after you.” he said and she looked up to him so fast, you thought her neck would snap.
“daddy, are you leeving me?” she gasped and jungkook chuckled at her words, shaking his head.
“no, but when i’m at work, someone needs to be here and take care of you. how about __, does she seem nice? hm?”
the little girl shrugged, hugging her father’s arm. he sent her back to the bedroom, saying he would be there soon too.
“well, she’s a little shy at first but, i think she’s gonna open up fast.” he smiled and stood up, your eyes widening a bit and you stood up too.
“does that mean, i got the job?”
“see you next monday?” he asked and you almost started jumping, but you held back. instead, you gave him a huge smile and nodded.
“monday then.”
#bts#bts jungkook#bts x reader#jungkook#jungkook fanfic#bts fanfic#jungkook angst#jungkook smut#jungkook x reader#jungkook x yn#jungkook fluff#bts fluff#bangtan#bangtan sonyeondan
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bittersweet + ch 46
a yandere!John Wick x fem!reader sunshine/grump coffee shop AU... all chapters
WARNINGS FOR THIS FIC: NSFW, SEXUAL CONTENT, VIOLENCE, YANDERE SH!T. Plz take care. I luv u all. 😘
46. rude awakening
When finally you wake, you sense you are in a confined space in total darkness. Your whole body hurts, and your mouth is dry as a cotton ball. You feel as though you are swaying, and it takes you a while to figure out that it’s not just in your head. You are in something that is on the move.
It’s hard to tell what, and so you concentrate on righting yourself. The surface you lay on is surprisingly soft. A bed? You try to push up, and a searing pain jets from your left hand up your arm. Is it broken?
Fuck.
Gingerly, you feel your appendage, probing the skin and bones. All seems well, until you get to your fingers. There is a big pad of bandaging on your hand, and it’s hard to make sense of what you’re feeling. Whimpering in panic, you frantically count your fingers.
One.
Two.
Three.
Your ring finger is gone–and your diamond with it.
Somehow in the darkness, the room spins, and you let out a scream.
No one comes, and with nothing better to do, you cry alone in the dark.
John.
You pray that he’s alright. You know that so long as there’s breath left in his body, he will hunt for you. It’s only a matter of time…if you can survive long enough for him to find you.
That’s when you remember the necklace you’d been wearing under your shirt when you went out for your ride. The gold lavalier he’d gifted you for Christmas. With clumsy fingers you grope for the chain, and breathe a sigh of relief when you find it still hanging there. You feel for the little pearl dangling at the base of the narcissus pendant.
John had given you a choice. He’d told you that day that there was a micro-tracker inside the faux pearl, and that if you were wearing the necklace, he would know where you were. But you don’t know how long it’s been, or if your captors will allow you to keep this bauble.
With shaking fingers you bend the soft gold jump ring to remove the little pearl from the larger pendant, and swallow it down.
Come find me, John.
With a strangely detached resignation, you just know he’s going to kill them all.
***
You’re not sure how much time goes past, before they come for you. Two big, Italian-accented men with rough features and very fine suits open a door and flip on a light, nearly blinding you after so long in the pitch black. You don’t fight them, when they tell you to come with them.
There is no point.
All you have to do is bide your time.
You follow them down a narrow hallway, and you realize that you are on a boat. An expensive one. You feel the steady sway of waves beneath your feet, a weird feeling that might go to your head if you don’t get some fresh air soon.
You are finally able to get a look at your hand. You resemble a mummy, but the wrapping is very neatly done. A professional job even, perhaps, though it aches like a motherfucker. You wonder if you can talk someone into a pain pill.
Probably wishful thinking, considering.
Your hand looks strange, without that finger, but maybe because you are so used to looking at John’s, it does not bother you quite as much as it should.
Or maybe, you’re in shock, and still feeling weird from your crash and whatever it was they injected in you.
Or maybe…you’re just so dead certain of the retribution coming their way that you find this injury laughable, in comparison.
How could anyone be so stupid?
The answer to that question is answered for you as the nattily-dressed thugs lead you up a steep set of stairs, into a luxurious dining area enclosed by windows all around.
Dante d’Antonio sits at the head of the high-polished walnut table, GQ-cover ready in a pressed white shirt unbuttoned at the throat, looking smug and sure of himself as a Roman emperor upon his throne.
This fucking kid.
“Buonasera, y/n.”
“Signor.”
One of the toughs pulls out a chair for you, but spoils the illusion of manners when he forcibly pushes you down into it. After your training with Mariko, you think of three ways in which you could have used that close contact to hurt him–but you don’t.
You can tell through the darkened windows that you are out to sea, god knows where with no lights in the distance. You have to bide your time.
You notice one of the bodyguards standing behind Dante sports a nice bandage across his nose. The look he pays you is less than kind, and you guess he must have been the one who took your helmet to the face.
There is quite a feast set out upon the table. Gilded crystal, china, and silver, the whole nine yards. Though your stomach aches with hunger, you don’t dare touch any of the sundries. Dante just stares at you, waiting, you suppose, for tears or begging or a tirade of questions. But you keep your cool, waiting. You’ve learned from John that silence can be way more unsettling than idle threats.
He tries to mask his annoyance, but it’s written all over his fine features when he sits up in his chair, leaning towards you. “That was quite a little chase you gave my boys. How are you feeling?” He looks pointedly at your hand, obviously craving a reaction.
You shrug, looking down at your missing digit. “A little lighter on the left side,” you muse, winning a sneer.
“Forgive us. Usually we are not so barbaric, but we had to let your fiancé know that we’re serious. He’s a little thick headed, when it comes to these things.”
He makes it all sound so reasonable.
“I see.” You lift an eyebrow. “Serious about what, exactly?”
Dante, however, goes off on his own little tangent. “You know, my mother never told me the identity of my true father? I think she wanted me to believe I came about like a little god, sprung from her skull like Athena, or maybe like the immacolata concezione. Ah, but my mother was no virgin. That I know.”
You think it’s a little odd to be sitting here at the table speculating with this man about his dead mother’s sex life, but maybe it’s just your ingrained puritanical American ethos that you can never quite seem to totally shake.
“I…imagine it was hard, not having a father around,” you offer.
He waves that off as though it was a stupid thing to say.
“I lacked for nothing. I loved my uncle Santino very much. Something else I owe your John for.”
You start to lose some of your cool as you try to reason with his circular logic. It gives you whiplash.
“Your uncle literally caused your mother’s death. Isn’t that what you’re so mad about?”
He makes a so-so motion with his beautifully manicured hand, smirking at you. “You know, when I was a boy, the adults around me spoke of John Wick like he was a god of Death. My mother couldn’t keep the fondness from her voice, when his name was upon her lips. I think a part of me hoped that he was my real father in those days. So foolish.”
You blink at this–for the life of you, you cannot tell where the fuck this kid is going with all this. It dawns on you that maybe he’s not just infuriatingly entitled and poisoned by hubris, but also maybe, a little mad.
That does not bode well for you at all.
“If he knew…I’m sure he would have tried to do right by you.” You think about how badly young Jardani wanted to be a father with his ballerina. Would the older, more calloused John Wick have felt the same?
Dante laughs like you’ve said something exceptionally stupid. “My mother was practically a queen. She would not have borne the seed of a dirty zingaro peasant like John Wick.”
You sit back in your chair, shocked by the blistering remark, though maybe you shouldn’t be surprised. All thoughts of keeping your cool fly out the window as you fire back, “I hope that someday, someone’s going to wash out your filthy fucking mouth.”
The bandaged bodyguard makes a threatening move to cross the room to you, but Dante holds up a hand, smirking. You suppose he won, finally getting a rise out of you.
It didn’t make him any less of a piece of shit.
Gritting your teeth, you look around. The boat is moving fast over the waves, but you can’t really see anything. You’ve got to hand it to this young man. He’s succeeded in talking you in circles.
“So…what is it you want, exactly?”
“I want John Wick dead, of course,” he sneers. “You are the bait. Is this not obvious to you?”
You look at him across the table for a long beat.
“What do you think you gain exactly, by taking such a risk?”
The young man sighs, massaging his temples. “Dio mio. He soiled the honor of my family! Killing my mother was a grave insult. I cannot suffer him to live.”
“Aren’t you…aware of what happened, when the High Table tried to kill him?”
Again, he makes that dismissive gesture, and then he grins at you like a wolf. “Ah, but they did not have you. What will John Wick give, to see his lady love go free?”
Maybe you are a little thick. When the logic catches up with you, your blood turns to ice in your veins.
The answer, you fear, is a lot.
Shrugging, you hold up your mutilated hand. “Don’t know. I’m kind of damaged goods now.”
Dante just smirks at you. “There are worse things we could have cut off.”
Ugh.
“Yeah. Thanks?”
This actually wins you a laugh. “You know…the man who kills John Wick will be a legend amongst our kind? What better way for the new capo dei capi to prove his power? No one will dare challenge me.”
“What about…the bosses in charge now?” You think about the two older gentlemen who you’d met at the negotiations table at the Continental. One of whom, whose finger you broke.
“Oh. I have plans for them. John Wick is going to kill them for me.”
You blink, wondering how he managed to frame the capi for your disappearance. You have a feeling your missing finger comes into play somehow.
Someone’s been reading too much Mario Puzo.
You’re smart enough not to say that aloud too.
This reminds you of the end of the Godfather, when Michael Corleoni kills everyone who ever insulted his family in one fell swoop to prove to everyone that he’s not fucking around. It was a great twist in the book. In real life, however…you think he’s bitten off more than he can chew.
If this brat intends to rise to the highest office of the Camorra…it will take more than killing a retired if legendary assassin to cement his powerbase.
Your control regained, you say nothing in response, and he gets bored, waving you away. “Take her back,” he gripes. Again, the bodyguard with the nose gear moves towards you, but again Dante waves him off again. “Not you, Luca. You might get carried away, and I need her in good health.” He grins at you. “In case we need to cut something else off to make our point.”
The man in question glares down at you, and kudos where kudos is due: he succeeds in scaring the snot out of you. Gooseflesh raises down your arms; uneasiness hardens like a ball of ice in your belly.
“He’s a little cross, after what you did to his nose. But that’s what he gets for underestimating John Wick’s woman, eh?”
You press your lips, smart enough not to bait either of them any more.
“You can thank Luca for your finger. Doesn’t he do nice work?” You glare up at Luca, but keep silent, and Dante sniggers. “So, behave yourself, or I’ll let Luca have his way. Andare.”
One of the bodyguards who brought you takes your shoulder, leading you back down below. You’re a little disappointed you don’t get to eat any of that beautiful food.
You guess he notices the glint of gold around your neck–quick as a cutpurse, he snatches the fine chain and breaks it, paying you a nasty smile before pushing you back into your tiny little cabin and locking it behind you.
As sorry as you are to lose the cherished necklace, you are so glad you swallowed your tracker. You hope that doesn’t cause you a problem later…but it just might save your life.
Cold, hungry, and you suppose a little seasick, you settle back into your little closet of a berth. You sit on your bed with your fucked up hand and think to yourself that when John descends on Dante and his cronies with all the fury of the apocalypse…you won’t feel sorry for them at all.
—
all chapters
*zingaro - gypsy, offensive usage *capo dei capi - boss of bosses, the head honcho, the biggest cheese
#john wick#john wick x reader#john wick x you#john wick fic#keanu reeves#keanu reeves x reader#john wick x y/n#yandere john wick#bittersweet john wick imagine
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Hiii I hope you’re well. I love love LOVE your stories and was wondering if you could do one of Elijah mikaelson? In this context the reader is a werewolf and was his wife since the 1800s but has been on the run from him for ages (for any reason I’ll leave that up to u) Elijah finally hunts her down in mystic falls taking her back to their mansion. You can do whatever you like with this suggestion really. Also no smut but maybe lots of tension? Like pinning her against the wall during an argument or smth.
His
Immortal female werewolf reader x Elijah Mikaelson
Warnings: Swearing, fighting, mentions of death?
A/n: I had fun writing this <3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I knew it was too good to be true, you think to yourself as you quickly pack a duffle bag of clothing, money, and other essentials around your apartment. Which happens to be located right in the middle of 'downtown' Mystic Falls.
You rush around the space that has brought you comfort over the past couple years. But of course everything has to end, the friendships you made here, the comfort, and having a life. Now you have to start all over again. Hopefully this time where he can't find you.
You've heard whispers about the originals and Klaus around the small town, mostly within the group of the Salvatore brothers and the others. You have made acquaintance with them after the killings started happening around a year after you had moved here. It was okay, for now, you thought, Klaus hasn't actually shown his face yet.
Until Elijah kidnapped Elena, and gave her a less than friendly warning, not to mess with the wrong people. No one knows what that means, and you're glad they haven't traced it back to you. They don't know your history beside being an immortal werewolf and basics like that. And you plan to keep it that way.
Which is why you need to leave. Now. Before he gets to you.
And that 'he', is no other than Elijah Mikaelson. The husband you once loved and have been running from for the past two centuries.
You both had once loved each other very dearly. Until it came to the night that ruined everything and made you go on the run, not standing to be near him. And you've been running ever since. You're quite surprised you've made it this long without being caught by him. Or even one of his siblings, Klaus especially.
Your thoughts are all jumbling together as you rush around your apartment. A place that brought you security and comfort, now being torn away from your grasp. Because if you stayed, then you can't even think about the pain it would leave you in by taking that action. As you try to leave as fast as you can, you can't help but think about the past. The reason why you're so frantic and have the urgency to get out of the small town in Virginia.
It had all began when you were younger, still innocent, enough that is, to the cruel dark side of the world. Of course, you already knew about your werewolf side and it had been activated when you were very young on your seventh birthday. You could never figure out why you hadn't needed to kill anyone to activate it. But it was clear you were special from a young age.
You were eighteen, mastered full control of the wolf inside you and hadn't brought pain to any one beside a few woodland creatures. You tried your best in the world, keeping your secret while also keeping up with societies rules as a young woman, as the people of your village would murmur around about you. About how you had not found yourself a suitor. A husband. But how could you? with a secret like yours? So, you kept to yourself.
That was until a new family arrived in your village. A very wealthy and mysterious family of apparent four siblings. Word spread around the small village of their names, Klaus, Rebekah, Kol, and finally, Elijah Mikaelson. Though no one knew where they came from or why they had came to this specific place. Except it was clear they had major influence.
You didn't trust them, it felt weird how they just appeared out of no where over night, something seemed off about them. You stayed clear from the new residents of the village, minding to the apothecary shop your parents owned in the corner of town.
It didn't last long though until one of the Mikaelson's came into the shop. At first you hadn't acknowledged them, hoping they would pick something up, buy it, and leave. Or just leave entirely, not even wanting them to buy anything. But luck wasn't on your side.
The strange man comes up to the counter where you're standing. "I don't believe we've met, I'm Elijah" The man, Elijah, says to you. Smiling weakly at him, just wanting him to leave, you have a bad feeling, "I'm Y/n."
He continued the conversation and left after a while. And you we're surprised to have a wish of hope that he would've stayed longer. Maybe you we're wrong about the new family. You hadn't known what you'd just gotten yourself into for the next centuries.
And so, the handsome man has come to the shop everyday since and you couldn't be anymore exhilarated. It's been so long since you've felt happiness like this.
It had been good, or so you thought. The relationship you guys had was romantic and lovely, and anything you could ever wish for. It soon turned to marriage, and you loved him and he loved you. That was until the night everything went wrong. The night you ran and have been ever since. From your one true love.
You didn't mean to eavesdrop, really. But you had been on the way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water when you heard voices in your husband's study. It was him and Klaus, talking of the plan going just right with the werewolf.
Elijah had 'discovered' you were a werewolf about the same time you suspected of him being non human as well. Just you weren't expecting him to be a vampire. And it was quite strange how he wasn't surprised of you being a wolf. Which should have been your first clue. But you overlooked it, filled with love for the man. Which was a painstaking mistake. Especially when discovered after many tests that you were no longer aging after your twentieth birthday.
Your eyes widen as they mention a werewolf. Are they talking about me? You wonder, as you continue listening.
"Y/n suspects nothing of it, right?" Klaus asks his brother. "Nothing, I love her, but she can't know what we have planned, not yet" Elijah answers him from across the room.
Tears well up in your eyes as they continue talking. "There's a chance my curse will be broken by using her?" Klaus asks. "Yes, by the next full moon in two days, there is a best chance with her willing or unwillingness of the ritual, that it will be undone. You will be a full hybrid, Niklaus" Elijah grins to his younger brother, taking a sip of his drink.
You quickly cover your mouth and walk away as quickly but quietly as you can while tears run down your face. You thought Elijah loved you, just as you do him. But of course it's not. He just pretended to get close to me, you think as you get to your guys' room. You grab your cloak and nothing else before sneaking out of the massive house.
There's no point confronting your husband, it was clear there was no love to be shared between the two of you. Instead, a need to get far away from here as you can before you get caught. You should have never fallen for the original, should have never spoken to him like your gut told you to.
You stealthily make your way to the stables. No one has caught you yet, making it easy to get on the horse and start the galloping travel through the woods.
It's not until you're deep into the forest when you hear voices and men shouting. When you hear Elijah shouting for you, anger enriched in his voice. But you never look back, only making the horse go faster until you're so far that they can't keep track of you.
Until now. Elijah is here, or at least close to here. You know Elena had met with him, unwillingly. And you can't risk anything else.
You finish zipping up the bag and leave the apartment behind, going outside where your car awaits. Unlocking it, you throw the duffle in the trunk before speeding into the driver's seat.
Driving above all speed limits, you get to the border of the town before a man, a man that you could recognize anywhere appears in the middle of the road.
Fear sparks in your eyes, and instead of stopping like any sane person would do, you swerve the car and press on the gas, passing him.
It doesn't turn out so well, when you hear a thunk on the top of your car and then the man crashing his fist through the windshield, making you slam on the breaks. The breaks emit a loud and jarring squeaking sound as your breathing picks up at the sight of your husband.
Before you know it, you're manhandled out of the car and whisked away to a mansion. You fight your way out of his grip, "Let me go!" You exclaim.
He lets you out of his hold, raising his arms up. "It's been a while, my Y/n" He says, and you swear you could hear a smidge of longing in his voice. "What? Since you used me and pretending to live me just to break your brother's curse?!" Your voice booms with emotion.
After everything, a small part of you still loves the vampire in front of you. A part before you found out his plans, when he was still mysterious to you. But you can't let that cloud your vision, speech and thoughts right now.
"It wasn't like that" Elijah takes a step forward, making you take a step back, not wanting to be close to him. You scoff, "I'm not so naive now, Elijah. Of course it was like that. You knew I was a werewolf before you pretended to find out and tell me you were a vampire, a god damn a original at that" You lash out, anger and resentment coming out.
"Just hear me out my darling-" You interrupt him, "No, you can't just hunt me down for 200 years and then once finally catching me, make me listen to your lies and justification. You we're going to what? kill me? Why not just do it instead of pretending to love me and then fucking marry me."
Elijah's face falters before grabbing your arm again. He slams you up against the wall, pinning you against it. His grip on you is hard and painful.
Your eyes flash into the amber colour out of anger. You try to struggle out of his grasp, but have no luck.
"No need for those eyes, darling. For your knowledge, I did love you and marry you because of that love. To this day I still love you. Even after the running away stunt you pulled." Elijah explains to you with a hard voice.
"Good for you, but I promise you, those feelings are definitely not reciprocated" You ground out, still struggling against his hold. Elijah just leans in closer to you, you can feel his breath on your skin. "I could never love someone like you after what you planned for me" you spit in his face.
Elijah falters for a moment, giving you just enough time to switch it around and have him pinned against the wall in his place. You use your werewolf strength to hold him down. "Now, I think it's best for both of us to just move on with our lives. I mean it" You say in a loud and clear voice, no pain whatsoever leaking out. All you want to do is leave and never see this man who has caused you so much pain.
"You don't mean that" Elijah's mouth twitches up into a loose grin. "I assure you, I do" You claw your nails into his skin, making his gasp out.
With an ounce of strength, Elijah gets free from your hold and wraps his hands around your neck. They're not tight enough to block your air supply, just to get you to not move.
"We both know your feelings aren't gone for me. You love me. You just can't admit it. I have been after you for so long, you're my wife whom I love."
You scoff, "A wife who you still want to do the ritual. let me think about it" you pause to 'think'. "NO!" You exclaim in his face. Elijah's vampire face comes on display for a moment before he calms himself. "You don't need to be in the ritual. there's another way now. A new one, my darling. We can finally be together. No more running or hiding, or secrets. I give you my word" He come's closer to you again.
You pause, not knowing what his plan is. There's no way he really means those things. His 'word' may have worked two centuries ago on you, but not now. "And how am I supposed to take you seriously? Or believe a single word you just said? Just because I'm technically your wife still, doesn't mean I have to act like it." You finally tell him.
"Then I truly am sorry, darling" Elijah takes another step closer, you being a couple inches apart now. "For what?-" You get cut off.
Elijah grabs hold of you and twists you around. He quickly wraps his arms around your neck, placing a hand on your jaw and twists your neck. Breaking it.
He's lost you for this long, he's not going to take any more chances. He'll make you remember your feelings for him, whatever it takes, You're his. Even if it means keeping you as a prisoner.
#elijah mikaelson#elijah mikaelson x reader#elijah mikaelson x wife reader#elijah mikaelson x female reader#elijah mikaelson x fem reader#elijah mikaelson x werewolf reader#female werewolf reader#werewolf reader#immortal werewolf#husband elijah#imagines#thevampirediaries#writing#fanfic#theoriginals#legacies#angst#tension#fighting
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you've heard of: aroacespec "is this person flirting with me" confusion, now get ready for: Does this person think I'm flirting with them (and also are they flirting "back" with me) because I accidentally bumped into them a lot?
#new jersey girl seems to really like me that makes me happy#nobody's been attracted to me before#but it'll make me sad if she asks me out#because even though I LOVE her i think i'd have to say no just because i really imagine myself#with a boyfriend far more than a girlfriend lately and i don't want to put her into a relationship that might end up feeling like#misgendering...#aro#ace#aroace#aroacespec#aromantic#arospec#greyromantic#greyro#I said this#we've been walking all over campus together and she's um. not a very considerate walker i keep#almost getting pushed off the path so that's whyh i keep bumping into her lol#but also she seems to like standing/sitting near me?#and i said 'i think my face is a little...' because i was thinking it felt like it got too much sun#and she was like 'i think your face is a little too-- wait what did u say?'#and i said i didn't even use an adjective but said burnt/red was what i should have siad#and she just said 'i think your face is a little'#like is that an oblique compliment??#okay the funniest part is yesterday she said some random girl came up to her and said she looked pretty and she wasn't sure if it was#flirting or just a compliment so she doesn't even know what flirting is either lol#also she calls me Data now bc i told her about hwo my uncle said my parents consult me like picard consults data lol#tbh maybe i gave her the wrong signals by moisturizing when she was in my room last night?#(kept sticking my hand under my clothes. my roommate brought her in right after i showered)#i asked my roommated if that was weird and she thought it was fine but she might not be the best metric
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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i feel shy talking here when i dont have anything worth sharing but i cant help feeling like ive said things in the tags that could be brought up in court
#im joking#i think i just get embarrassed saying smth that most ppl can see out in the open. its like when prey animals are grazing in a pasture#and then they hear a twig snap yk. im like that. but talking in the tags is more comfortable because it just feels more.. hidden?? quiet???#its kind of like how i prefer responding thru asks than DMs.. idk if it has something to do with space or less pressure#i also use these as an excuse to ramble a little abt recent events so. ive worked a little bit on shuffle and prestos backstories ^_^#i was thinking abt giving them a shared past where they knew each other as kids and forgot but i also though hmm.. idk if it would drive th#story i want bc i think itd be better if they bonded over similar experiences instead of the fact that they knew each other before. i get#that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel#like they owe each other to be friends again just bc they were as kids. ive experienced that a lot and all it did was make me feel guilty#so i think id want to write it as u can be friends with someone who had similar experiences and make u wish you knew each other then#i also know theyd hate each other but idk HOW. i suck at writing conflict so idk if theyd try to make each other eat glass and why#idk if itll ever come up but id also like to see if theres a way i could rationalize why they have animal ears.. normally i say aliens#but ive had an idea for a species and background for that too. although its very abstract and it probably has a lot of holes#smth abt peoples souls attaching themselves to smth they identify with.. although i dont know to what extent like if it can#be called a sona or if it can even be smth mythical like a unicorn or god itself.. its very weird rn#yapping#oc talk
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I'm thinking about selfcest again
#no because who could possibly love you more than yourself#no one knows you better. they know exactly what you want. they understand u.#selfcest is so good#doesnt matter if the uh. selves end up really liking each other or not#because if they do love each other they have to admit theyre worthy of love and someone COULD love them despite knowing everything bad#and if they dont like each other. then you can be all sad and tragic#because even though someone knows all the good abt you. it doesnt make up for the bad.#you cant even put up with yourself#how is anyone else going to?#then you can work thru some of that shit WITH yourself#or have weird hate sex#whatever works i guess
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unnormal vivilly dweller thoughts in my head
#“I'm right next to you” are we about to kiss. are you trying to kiss me right neow#i hate the chase sequence part (corny and unoriginal) but everything else is so perfect#hEeEeLP MEeEeEE#i fuckign love vivilly anyway but i think the vivilly dweller is what Really did it fr me#SERIOUSLY THOUGJ WHAT THE FUCK#i would make a palpers dweller but i dont think my computer can with how shit it is rn#like i definitely will at some point (unless someone beats me to it) but i just can't rn 😭#i csnt wait for august viv face reveal guys!!!! YAY!!!! idc what he looks like he will always be so splinkoid#plus whatever characteristics he has i can kinda just add on to my design to him behind his mask#i color his skin as dark grey just for his mc skin but seeing his snapchat n stuff makes me wanna show him off as rhe eyeblinding man he is#or not! who knows . i have a tendency to do whatever#okay speakijg of his face reveal#i have something i want to explain to the wall#a part of me is hoping he isnt generic conventionally attractive guy 38495839488#the rest of me is neutral because idrc#the reason why is most likely because i would feel a deeper connection to him if we shared similar facial features#it's a good reason i think? but still weird to have because i shouldnt really care what he looks like at all#idk what to expect really but i guess i should be open minded abt it#I JUST. a lot of how i perceive him is through his mc character#that played a big part in how i grew to like him so much#but he ISN'T emo hoodie minecraft shyguy!!!#however i can still enjoy the 'persona' he has online. chill sarcastic insane funny blocky shyguy who does a little (A LOT OF) trolling#anyway back to what i was saying#hope bro isn't majestic as fuck irl#IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE DREAM I'M GOING TO CRY#DREAM IS MAJESTIC AS FUCK I CANT EVEN WITH THAT MAN#i will be supportive anyway ofc because 1) i dont care even though i just proved that i do 2) i can separate persona from irl person 3)...U#IM SO NORMAL#also we're not goijg toctalkcabou t the dream thing. if youre my irl yoy didnt aee this (PLEASE DONT UNFRIEND ME OELASE#DONT LEAVE JUST FORGER Iなはoops didnt mean to type thatSAID THAT OKAY
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cat bit up my arm Gwah
#just me hi#my dude was Biting and Scratching and he was trying to be gentle at first but PAL#i mean it does Look bad but there's no blood so :) upside!#it looks kinda bad though hghfkshfhgjh#eu.. my skin... [<- is not enjoying the visual texture (it's not even the beat up parts it's just. eu)]#euuuuuuuu- euuu#oh wait speaking of getting shredded by cats i totally forgot about that one time- i forgot which of our cats i was handling but i think a#car had been started pretty nearby and they Freaked Out and left a score on my chest#which looked cool i will not lie. it also didn't sting which was great 👍 didn't enjoy the scab though hfsvh#yea it was kind of deep tho ? i'm surprised the scar isn't more pronounced lol - it's a darker shade than the surrounding skin which i thin#is neat :3#that was in the summer i think. forgot about it so fast hfhsvh#//okay okay my hair's annoying me lol#it's getting a bit longer than i like (it's in my face but it's Longer so it's in my face Badly if you know what i'm saying pfsh) but i'm#also thinking maybe i'll grow it out ? to play around with or something ? i dunno .u.#the thing is is that i don't like it being very long because that's Absolute Hell for meee#and also it doesn't match up with my mental image of myself so it's weird looking in a mirror and seeing. Somebody ? hfhsvh#long could be cool. unfortunately short may just be where i stay lol :)#WAIT. i forgot about wigs#Lmfshvhf - no but it Could be fun and makes a lot of sense. why choose and wait a couple months for room to mess around when you can just#Skip All of It. plusss my favorite hair would still be there. underneath#this makes sense to me it makes a lot of sense#Do i have the position‚ means‚ or proper space to do that? no. but longterm goals are cool hfkshvg#//dang did this cat get me on the back of my shoulder or what is that#?#? ?#irritation.. hmnm..#//okay yea anyway i've got a handful of things i wanna get toooo#this thing i've been working on has been SO funkin slow for some reason and idk why :'3 i have other things i wanna do hurry UP#hopefully i can figure out the colour situation tho cuz i feel like it's drawing away from the inks which i want to be a bit more focused o
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pont pont vesszőcske
#this year just feels weird. im selfishly not saying ~rawr so awful or tragic#because there are things ive achieved this year that im proud of and that were long due#im so happy i did that masters course and im so glad i landed a job that pays well even though its torture on my nerveous system#my mind is forever free from academic guilt and pressure#and i can afford things that nourish my soul and body when they werent accessible before#so this is the firm acknowledgment of the fact that im lucky and have an objectively good life#part of which i was given and nice parts i actually worked my ass off for#and for the first time in my life im at a stage where its all … freestyle?? lmao like ok girl you did the things now find new things to do#and theres none hehehe just human connections that are harder to build than a cv or a thesis defense and doesnt only depend#on the effort i put in#but also on how the stars and planets are moving or idk#plus i just remembered how my sister told me that the reason why i kept procrastinating on my diploma was bc it was an excuse to not grow u#and now the universe is kicking my ass all year to make me realize that i need to change and grow and build a life i could settle in#because this bitch!!!! took 3 of my 4 closest friends and made them move countries and get married or in one case just simply get over me#and not to make everything about me but its how humans work okay so ofc im internalizing a lot of other tragedies as new signs#from the universe screaming at me#to get away from the parasocial bonds that give me so much joy but also affect me too much#like LAUGH AT ME all you want but ive been wanting to see ts live since 2009#and the only thing that kept me up in exam season at 4am was me and my friend sending outfit inspos to each other#like its silly i know but when that show got cancelled and i was hysterical i kneew the lesson was to grow up and stop investing so much#into lovely but also relatively short moments of my life#because i should be able to#look forward to other things after graduating than the eras tour but i WASNT okay#and i dont have to elaborate on how liam’s passing has been affecting me/us so i wont#but fuck that was a cruel reminder - to make things about me again- that though i can talk about this with friends on my phone#until my retina burns out or melts or idk what retinas do#i still dont have ANYONE in my phsyical proximity who would understand this pain and thats partially on me#and then my 85+yr old grandma got covid AGAIN for the 3rd time and my god she got better but in case i forgot she wont be with me forever#and i reached the tag limit so thats it anyway weird year very weird dont know what it wants from me#to the void
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omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!
#& [it might be 5am but i'll still see if i can draw some] trackpad homemade reacts. inhales & hands to head/face x9 then walking off#site giving pretty random Suggested assortment there where i was like oh right sure. prob not tumblr keywords captures lmaooo#(plus happened to have it open in firefox) but my god Not the scapegoated literal seers lmfao. whoooo. my god#also it was just really good anyways like right nice. damn#the (queerrr) seerrr the perceiverrr the truth tellerrr the ruinerrr the scapegoat be-errr the internalizerrr the neurodivergerrr#& now i Know there is 0% chance ppl weren't putting ''always a gay cousin or it's you (avuncular edition)'' in that thing#family tree design not even leaving space for the hypothetical kids of this relative we mostly pretend is nonexistent hmm#also that necessarily. it's giving all intents & purposes Disability abt a dozen ways & it's saying [accept that] vs [we'd better fix him]#you don't cite said [it's giving disability] as part of the We All Hate The Horrible Little Freak scapegoating justification & then be like#''actually we don't have to do that anymore b/c he's sooo normal :)'' or not if you're serious about [don't scapegoat your family] anyways#which like oh ok they Are serious so The Weirdo's scapegoating / casting out / lack of support Isn't justified#so he's still weird & you just gotta get over that b/c otherwise. bye. having a natural rat affinity is such a slay btw#& we've all been there like ''you NEVER want two scapegoats talking it's Over if they do'' + littlest kid is like um. they're the best#plankton voice Correct! inhale i'm so impressed like. getting to go ''finally someone Normal'' (serious abt letting someone Be Weird(tm))#which also always counts as like mm hard time suggesting someone's Not queer & also autistic for a start lmao. an award#adding in suggested layers like talking to oneself; talking Oddly / w difficulty; physical uncoordination; rituals ; acting; animal friend#the layer of ''& all that's fine? like?'' again rather than him ever suppressing or even changing it so far as it's suggested#besides that it's observed as Weird like but so? or else what? nonrhetorical: hostility / rescinded support & driving someone off is what?#& that Truth like the [worse treatment / exclusion / scapegoat] oft recipe for someone giving the support they're not getting themself#again Never let the [ppl both experiencing this] talk oh it's So over. or the child who's all i like family support & kindness actuallyy...#obviously also like the complete opposite of billions. knowing what they're about & letting this Just As Beloved crucial guy be So Weird#but billions Also [hmm feels right for our scapegoated guy to Perceive / Tell Truths / openly want/need & then be hurt] now get his ass#anyway [guy who could always go way on could go way on but only has thirty tags & it's 6am & i still mean to try some drawing] voice#remarkable amt of So True & ''it feels like ppl on the same page w/exactly what they're doing are all behind this''#remarkable amount of concentrated My God That Is So A Slay located in bruno all at once. what a gift#sticking to ''sometimes someone In Your Group is Weird. Disabled. deal'' firmly enough there's no ;) oh u can bet we'll Fix Him in the end#everyone always assumes the worst so....me when i'm [always as a kid yearning for Living In Secret Passages]. emile gtmpota?#oh congrats to whatever rando who will be having his dramatic gay reunion w/bruno just out of frame obviously. i perceive#now imagine if That rando was....emile gtmpota! what a crossover event. haunting4haunting. do i have enough tags for this lmao. yea#& having 1 more tag to say: as though the [endless serving] isn't enough bruno's also as close to gender envy as it gets. incl rats; sure
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oh my fucking godddddd i wish i could come out to my parents
#maddie.txt#alright rant once again folks. u ain't gotta read it lmfao i'm just whining </3#my dad loves talking about when i'll be married and get a husband and how i'm probably gonna find some random guy in college#i just absolutely hate the fact that i'm assumed to be allo but i kinda get it bc like 97% of the population is allo but still#idk. i just makes me really uncomfortable like bro i don't have a type whatsoever even when i do have crushes i never really think of#marriage and even though i'm technically only attracted to men i know full well that he's not gonna accept it#like my dad was just saying how once i get into college/my career i'm gonna find men that 'check all the boxes'#and btw i have told this man many times that i've never had an interest in having a husband or kids but not even 10 minutes ago he just#told me that even though i don't want to get married/have kids that if god 'presents you with a man' that i should take it and get married#whether i want to or not?? what the fuck???? and he said to my younger brother that he should do the same w/ his future wife/gf which is#absolutely insane. (also dad constantly refers to our future spouses as 'mates' which i find weird as fuck) and just that along with the#fact he outright told me sometime last year that (literally his words) women are 'products bought by men' that have#'time limits and expiration dates' and that's why 'men buy them (women) while they're 21‚ 22‚ 23' so. yeah .#that last bit was a side rant but god i just wish i could be confident he could accept i was demi-aroace it would just make things#so much fucking easier and less weird and uncomfortable but it's just sometimes i wonder where the blurred line is between where my#sexuality ends and where the effects of purity culture begin. and maybe throw in some childhood trauma and witnessing domestic violence as#well. i don't know. the only thing that helps is that i felt 'different' even before Shit Got Bad so that's nice.#in conclusion i wish father dearest know that i'm not allo in the slightest and there's a pretty decent chance i may not get married at all#and i'm very sure god's chill w that. bc like i'm still a normal person with hobbies and shit. i'm just some queer bitch who likes coding#and wildlife photography and has a few weird issues to sort out. i'm just an aroace with exceptions my guy. it's not too hard to understand#also sorry to my friends/mutuals who i haven't talked to much lately. i'm terrible at starting convos but i know that i love you like#the moon loves the earth okay? :)
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its a bit weird that i know both of my boyfriend's exes personally and even weirder that we all look like each other because he really has a type and there's the fact that his first ex shows up all the time on my instagram and his second ex is weirdly obsessed with trying to keep contact with him even though she was the one who left him for someone else (on december 23rd !!) and she stalked me on ig and she's friends with my roommate and like. this is my first time not being my partner's first gf so it's my first time dealing with ex gfs and it's all just super weird to me
#idk how to explain there's a bit of jealousy yes but mostly its just a weird feeling that i cant really explain#why are they both so close to me this is so unnecessary kfndkf#i think its a big green flag that they're both pretty and both very interesting people#and i cant say if them looking a lot like me makes me feel more or less insecure#bc yeah i sure am his type but am i enough like am i more or less than them (type of shit i think when im feeling insecure)#but in the end they both broke his heart and left him for someone else#i think what makes me mad is that they really did break him and i found him in pieces and watched as he picked himself up little by little#as we started dating and falling in love with each other but i know and he acknowledges that there are parts of him that broke forever#and the fact that they had these parts that i will never have because of them is what fucks me up sometimes#but at the same time he's grown and changed a lot and there are new parts of him now that they never saw and never will...#its not a competition i know but its really hard not to compare myself sometimes specially when theyre already so similar to me like#the comparison is already there its automatic kfndkdn u cant look at the three of us and not realize that we look like each other a lot#anyway#i think its more about my desire or my fantasy of having him all for myself#or of wanting to feel like im special and unique and not just another one??#its so dumb because its obvious that i am and he makes it very clear to me all the time#but thats it. i'm dumbbbb#im not even feeling bad rn i just saw his first ex again (she goes to the same hairdresser as me lol) and these thoughts came back again#so i wanted to vent#i think i deal with all of this pretty well but knowing how to deal with these feelings and thoughs doesnt mean they dont occur at all#ok im doneeee
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heol
#⠀ᶻᶻ⠀turn it up!⠀#unrelated its ltr not even what i linked but chasing time - azealia.. Dontttt omg ts is so facking good who made that beat!!!!!!!!!!#ANW. if breakaway is minhui then this is yijun. mayb the single ver more than true romance ver actually.. it js sounds more raw#i rly wanna talk abt why he hates jaehee#bc i’ve yapped abt minhui and talked abt DY/JY sort-of parallels in replies somewhere i found it the other day#and ik the ‘he doesn’t fit’ is what's been written (in pieces + that yt rundown i think) but likee it goes deeper than that#im gnna struggle to put it into words properly but im talking to myself so i can not make sense as much as i want thanks#ok. so he goes on and on abt how jaehee ruined BS bec he ‘didn’t fit’ into the four that they were without him but. he’s lowk projecting#he joined JG in 2016 - jiyeol mai hyeonmin and KOHEN were all there before him. jy’s in ‘08 mi + kh in 2010 + hm 2011#they chucked their whole childhoods away for jg - and in reward they were meant to be jg’s first boygroup#they ltr would’ve debuted in 2013 if it wasn’t for hyojoo being like hey! this is kinda weird lol! a 17 yo two 15 yos + a 13 yo is weird!#yj was late as HELLLL 2the party. he wouldve been left as a trainee while JY MI KH HM debuted as 9ANTHER if it wasnt 4 The Kohen Mai Thing#aka they started messing around in like 2014 while jy pretended he wasnt abt to crash out and hm had to listen to jy trying not2 crash out#then it got real bad like august 2016 and all of a sudden they HATEDD eo they couldnt even b in the same room#(aka. kh wanted him mi wanted jy and said Lollll i hate u die)#all in all: kh kicked off debut team. spot opens up for yijun right as he enters the company. he’s not cut out for ts at all#he was lonely back home and now he’s lonely here and now apparently he’s in a debut team with 3 guys who know eo and he wants to die#hyeonmin like smiles at him like ONCE during practice and he latches on fastttt this leech 😭😭😭 tries to worm his way in via hm#spoiler! it only half works theres sand under his skin he hates it all he’s not meant for them he needs a gun#it gets better over the years and jy + mi sorting their shit out & cutting off kh completely makes yj feel wayy more secure#and then they debut even if it is after yoonhae’s literal death. and then jaehee comes in like Hiii i like to act and colour ^_^#HE WNATS TO DIEE ITS HIM ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!! cant even bear to look at him#like the walls are UP he’s not letting himself become kohen. and when jh tries to get close to min - ltr exactly like he did.......#ITS NEVER BEEN MORE BONSOVERRRR#so there. he’s mean and hates him and wants him dead for that. Yayyyy#kh has def said some nasttyyyyy shit to yj too ijbol like mind you he didnt leave jg until jy did! THIS YEAR!#the song. is abt himself. him to him in the mirror. to kohen. to jaehee. he’s mad at shit that’s never happened and he’s never gonna stop#the ‘why did you fall for me’ though.. that’s him to min like#he feels like he’s conned him into it - bec the first couple months he only rly was around him to try and get into the inner circle#and then he fell in Lol. Gay
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starting to feel really complicated about the upcoming Finnish production of Moulin Rouge!
#like. on the one hand I'm of course looking forward to it#but on the other hand. well. it's just that this is hardly my first rodeo.#I've seen some of my all-time favourite productions being redone by other theatres before and they're never as good#(with the possible exception of the Karlstad/Jönköping Les Mis I guess)#(but that was all about Alex being my fav + Philip Jalmelid delivering the most out of this world rendition of Stars I'll ever hear)#and then I'm just very prejudiced against the theatre that's staging the Finnish MR!#with one notable exception every musical I've seen on their big stage has felt... just a little bit soulless to me I guess#maybe it's just because that stage is so big and it always feels like theatre set up in an airplane hangar#or maybe it's because the type of audience they attract almost always gives off a certain slightly detached vibe#or maybe it's something about the way they work itself#or maybe it's all three!#but I'm a little worried that though it's by the same director the Finnish MR! experience simply won't compare favorably to the Swedish one#and then there's the weird feeling you get when it comes to these things... or at least *I* get when it comes to these things#if I'm right in my premonitions and I'll walk out thinking it doesn't hold a candle to the Swedish production that is#inevitably Finnish people are going to love the Finnish MR! and praise it because it's a good production no matter what#so then I'll be stuck in that weird mood#where I'll feel like everyone around me is watching the shadow and I'm the only person who's been outside the cave to see the Real Musical#and I know it's stuck up and silly to feel that way! and yet#oh man. just please let me see the u/s Zidler and I'll be too happy to even compare the rest of it to Stockholm#anyway!! I guess this is something I'll need to work through myself as a musical fan before I go see it#also maybe some fanart of the Swedish production? I've honestly been too exhausted the entire spring and summer to even think about that#but I'd like to draw something#maybe one day?#Moulin Rouge! posting
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#really randomly fell down a weird rabbit hole today#i was watching the X-Files and finally felt like reading up on david duchovny#like i see u fellow slav what kind of slav are you#so i opened up his wikipedia article and saw that his dad was jewish and from ukraine and went like AHA WE ARE THE SAME#and just out of curiosity looked up the place he's from because im curious about jewish shtetls in the ukraine#because my whole family except my biological father is from several of them and i thought hey maybe they were neighbors#which they fucking are omg theyre just 20km apart#my greatgreatgrandma is from makhnivka which i even found articles and history about and how the jewish population grew & declined#even though i did not find any steinbergs in the archives#anyway when i read up on Berdychiv where duchovnys family is from it said#early settlement by the Chernyakhov Culture#which was an archeological culture between 200 and 500 CE existing at the same time as the roman empire#....... is this how i finally find out where my name is from??????? like?????????#i wish i knew so much more than i do#like i only found out that im not russian i was just born in russia like 7 years ago or so??? because my mom never tells me anything#all the information about my great great grandparents and where theyre from is from my grandma#and her dementia is really bad now and shes just angry and screams and calls people names#my russian is too bad to properly read up on stuff like that and theres barely anything in english or german#i just want to know idk#but genetic testing is too expensive and also very america centric and the only family i have in the us is super conservative#i had to block them on facebook when my grandma made me write to them once over 10 years agl#and i know a huge chunk of my grandmas family moved to israel too so i dont want anything to do with that either#although id be curious if it would actually find my half siblings i found out about also like 8 years ago#i just wish there were more archives and more people i could talk to about this#on my grandfathers side theres nothing really left#my grandfather passed suddenly and apparently before he did he took ALL THE FAMILY PHOTOS AND DOCUMENTS somewhere to maybe digitalise them#but we dont know where so theyre literally gone for ever#but his whole family was from kiev and is apparently named after this culture era#his dad was a higher up at a sugar factory and i still cant find anything#my grandma had so many cousins and they were so interconnected and knew so much and i literally just have my mom and no one else
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