#like this movie is set in Atlanta

[maiamore]

STAR-STRUCK

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader

Rating: 18+ | W/C: 5k

Summary: You’re a fresh-faced production assistant for known action star Joel Miller. He’s not quite what you expected–but neither are you.

Tags: actor!joel x production assist reader, action film set, no use of y/n, rough/dom Joel, use of the word ‘kid’, mirror sex, rough sex, unprotected pinv, mentions of injuries & violence, Joel does his own stunts, public sex, bdj (big-dicked-Joel), Joel is not nice in this fic, more untagged read at your own discretion A/N: oof this a long one. also! i swear i've seen something similar relating to the mandalorian reference. if anyone knows the fic, pleaaaase let me know

READER’S TATT/PIERCINGS-SPO

This wasn’t what you’d imagined your life to look like. 

For the majority of your adult life, you’d clung to a glittering, idealistic vision of your future. You’d blame it on those countless movie marathons with your dad–the late nights, the worn-out couch and the satisfying click of the DVD player setting the stage for your ambitions. You’d dreamed of being a part of the magic. The glitz, the glamour, the art of it all. 

Directors like Ridley Scott, Martin Scorsese, John McTiernan captured your adolescent heart, fanning the flames of your Hollywood dreams.

You knew coming into this that it was going to be far from easy. God knows you’d paid your dues living in NYC after having moved from your small town–sharing a tiny shoebox of an apartment with three others, taking multiple part-time gigs, hustling to finally land a Production Assistant (PA) role.

And now here you were. Accommodations comped, flown to Atlanta for the shoot of some action movie you weren’t even allowed to know the title of thanks to the NDA you’d signed.

It was suspenseful, sure, but not in the sexy, thrilling way you’d imagined. More like in the “what fresh hell did I sign up for” sort of way.

“So you’ll be handling scheduling, coordinating, and helping the stylists. And making sure his overall well-being is met.”

You shuffled behind Jonah, the PA you were supposedly replacing. It was nearly overwhelming. Already built streets, custom housings, all wrapped up in a larger than life sound stage. Everyone was in their own world, working on their own tasks.

Normal people might have felt small and unseen. But you? You were still star-struck. You could be a part of something so much bigger than you, and that thought excited you. 

“7am every morning. You’ll need to be on standby to help Joel with everything he needs. So here’s the schedule.” 

More papers were being shoved to you, your arms slowly vanishing beneath an ever-growing stack. You scanned it, eyes twitching in dread. 

Every fifteen damned minutes had its own designation. Was this a movie or a military operation?

“Right! Got that. So…who exactly am I…” You squint at the bolded text on freshly printed paper, still warm to touch. “Wiping sweat at 16:45…for?”

Jonah halts mid-strut, turning back to you like you’d just insulted his entire bloodline. “What…do you mean? You don’t know who you’re working for?”

“I do.” You shoot back defensively. “Well–okay. No. Not really. I was given an NDA, so I’m–”

“It was a yes or no question, hun.”

Suddenly, you were grateful to J-hole leaving. Not so much of replacing his long ass list of endless tasks, though. 

He stops before the stylist’s station, gesturing to a cluttered board, displaying headshots and costume references for your apparent “boss.” As you step closer, your breath catches in your throat.

No way. No fucking way. 

“Joel fucking Miller?”

Your fingers, almost acting on their own, plucked one of the profile shots from the board. Joel’s broad frame was practically sculpted.  His Special Forces uniform taut over his muscles, probably for the character he was playing. Another close-up featured his face smudged with faux grime and fake injuries, his expression hardened and grim. 

And then…there were the less clothed test shots. Your gaze betrayed you, dipping to the dark trail of neatly trimmed curls disappearing beneath his belt.

Your head snapped up so fast it was a miracle you didn’t pull a muscle, as though the sheer force of willpower could exorcise the horny demon possessing you.

Jonah grins at your obvious surprise. Sighing dreamily at the profile shots of him, side views and costume shots.“Yep. Now. It isn’t going to be a problem with you now is it? We had to fire the old girl cuz’ she attempted to–nevermind. Don’t wanna get into that. It was a whole debacle. You can look it up in the files under the Miller versus Nancy lawsuit.”

You glanced at Jonah, confusion knitting your brow before returning the photo to the desk. Honestly? You probably wouldn’t have blamed this Nancy. Joel had been the blueprint for your sexual awakening. 

As fucked as it was. Considering he was closer in age to your dad than your own.

Watching him star in films by the greats back in high school had left you fantasizing, his smoldering intensity seared into your brain. God. You were going to need the entire night to mentally prepare for this.

“You tellin’ that story again?” The voice behind you sent a shiver up your spine–it was the kind of voice that wrapped around you like a thick yarned blanket on a cold night. And the kind of voice you fantasized about when you were grinding against your pillow.

You froze, every damned nerve on high alert. Turning slowly.

Joel Miller stands there. Resurrected from the photos itself.

He was dressed like he’d just walked off a lazy Sunday pickup game. Grey athletic shorts that hung low on his hips, revealing sturdy, hairy legs that somehow made him seem even more rugged. A black t-shirt clung to his frame, dampened at the collar with sweat. Navy cap sitting snug on his head.  

You couldn’t stop yourself from shamelessly dragging your eyes from the damp curls peeking out at the nape of his neck to his thighs. 

He scratches his stubbled jaw, his eyes sweeping the room before landing on you. They paused, and you realized–a little too late–that he’d caught you gawking.

Joel nudges his head towards you. “This her?”

Jonah nods, handing Joel a call sheet. “All new and sparkly.”

He looks you over–not in a predatory way, but like he was cataloging every detail. Dark and steady. And it lands on your shirt. For a split second his brows lifted, just barely.

“You watch that one?” 

Your brain stutters and you look down, realizing you’d stupidly worn your Mandalorian graphic tee. His face–or well, Din Djarin's helmeted face, was plastered across your chest along with the iconic Star Wars logo.

“Oh! Um. yeah,” you stammer, tugging the hem of the cotton as if the ink would magically disappear. 

Great. You meet the man you had dozens of posters of and you were stuttering like a fucking idiot.

“Big fan. Of the show. And, um, the movies. And, you know, your–” Joel holds up a palm, silencing your rambling. “Right.” He sounded amused, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “...‘preciate it.”

Joel never liked change. It was ironic, given his line of work. An actor, in its nature, had him slipping into new roles and personas on a constant basis. But no matter how many characters he played, he'd preferred the familiarity of a constant crew. 

So the news that Jonah was leaving and that his replacement was a fresh out of film school rookie had Joel grumbling for days.

Then he saw you.

Maybe it was the way you looked at him, like you were seconds away from fainting. Or maybe it was the shirt. That damn shirt.

You clearly hadn’t gotten the memo about dressing for long hours on set. Instead of the usual hoodie and less than glamorous foam sneakers combo, you were rocking a cropped baby tee stretched taut across your chest. 

His gaze dipped, almost involuntarily, taking in the rest of you. The way your bootcut jeans sat low and snug on your hips—to the bunch of keys and a juicy grape chapstick hung on a carabiner attached to your belt loop. 

When you shifted nervously, the movement sent a glint of light flickering from your stomach. A silver charm, shaped like a star, dangled from your belly button. He caught himself mid-thought, forcing his eyes back to your face, but the damage was done.

You weren’t as innocent as you looked. He’d figured out that much. 

Your fuck-ups hadn’t gotten you fired. Not yet, at least. Somehow, you were still here. Holding onto your job by a thread.

It still felt surreal, working for Joel Miller. You’d spent years watching this man on screen. All his works & press interviews. It seemed pretty fucking unreal to think that you now had his name saved to your phone like no big deal.

Given you weren’t able to tell anyone about it, though the purple vibrator that sat in your bedside drawer was pretty much the only thing that knew his name by now.

In the weeks that followed, you’d fallen into a rhythm with him. There were rules–unspoken ones. You didn’t ask too many questions, didn’t hover too close, and didn’t take it personally when he barked orders or dismissed you with a grunt. Joel wasn’t an easy man to work for.

What was even worse, was that in Joel's eyes, you were probably the least sexual entity to have ever existed. It stung, especially when you considered how much of your mind he occupied.

“Give me a…second. Dunno how these things work.”

You’d shifted uncomfortably, dropping to your knees to Joel’s horror. You sat on your thighs with a huff. Attempting to gather the hem of Joel’s pants to tuck into the army garters.

 “Christ. You don’t hafta…” Joel’s throat tightened as he fought the sudden, unwelcome heat pooling low in his gut.

“Huh?”

It was distracting, the sight of you so close. On your fuckin’ knees no less. Joel tugs around his belt. He snaps his fingers to catch your attention and you look up at him, with wide eyes. 

His thumbs twisting around the two metal hooks of the thin garter until it connects. “Just hook em’ together, kid.” 

You nodded at his words. Finally managing to neatly tuck it into his boots. 

Though from his vantage point, something else catches his eye–a small mark etched into your skin. Black ink at the nape of your neck, a star, delicate like the charm that hung from your belly button. 

“Ya got a thing for stars?” 

You blinked a few times before the words finally registered. Was he really starting a conversation when you were on the ground like this? You notice the slight nudge of his head towards your left. 

Instinctively, you cupped around the back of your neck. “Oh..yeah. I mean…it’s pretty and all.” You had to admit, Joel’s childlike curiosity over the ink on your body all of a sudden caught you off guard. 

He raises a brow at your admission. “What’s the point of puttin’ it at a place you can’t see. Seems pretty pointless.” 

“Didn’t put it there for me to see.” You say with a shrug. 

Joel’s jaw ticks when he realises the insinuation behind your words. He drags his hand down his face, opting to finally keep his mouth shut when the images conjured in his mind couldn’t be held back anymore. 

You didn’t quite notice his distress till you looked up after the lengthy silence that settled. 

The imperceptible twitch in his crotch area catches your attention. Your lips parted to stifle a gasp of surprise. 

Was he— “Jus’ get the hell up, kid.”

The respectable thing to do was to go on about his job. It was humiliating enough that you’d caught him in a painfully embarrassing position. 

But Joel Miller learned two new things about himself.

First, he didn’t quite mind the soft, lingering scent of strawberries and vanilla you seemed to carry. A quiet, comforting sweetness that seemed to cling to the air whenever you were near.

The second? Well, the second was far more troublesome. 

The thoughts that plagued him at night when he was fucking his fist, or someone else for that matter. It didn’t help that he was aware of such vivid and intimate details of you. It fucked with his head how desperately he wanted to draw pleasure out of you and stain that pretty little dainty star you had on your belly with ropes of his cum. 

The culmination of it all was taxing. But somehow? He managed to keep those thoughts at bay.

When the director finally called cut for the day, Joel stepped off set, muscles aching and shirt damp with sweat. He scans the area out of habit. 

Jonah would’ve been there by now–towel, water & phone in hand, ready for the usual barrage of calls and texts he needed to deal with.

Instead, it was you. 

Joel exhaled sharply, dragging a hand down his face as the realization hit him again. Right. Jonah was gone.

“You don’t have to look like the world’s ended, Joel.” 

He doesn’t answer you, not at first. 

“It’s not like I’m going to tell people that you—“

Joel seats himself in his chair loudly. A silent warning for you to not go there. He lets out a long, drawn out exhale. Folding his arms tightly. “Kid. Don’t know whatcha think you saw–”

That again. Kid. Was that how he saw you? You had half the mind to admit what the idea of it did to you—the idea that he might’ve gotten hard at the thought of you. 

“Hate that I even have to ask.” You begin, not letting him finish his thought. “You realize I’m not.” You were dabbing a little harder now, tossing out the used makeup wipes in the trash beside you. 

“Y’are when I’ve got a decade over ya.” He says simply. Wincing at your harsh gestures. “Don’t need the complications.” He pushes your hand away, his deep brown eyes stayed locked on you, searching, warning. 

“Leave well enough alone, got that?”

The following weeks on set proved to be grueling, even by Joel’s standards. His reputation preceded him. A stubborn, self-reliant actor who insisted on doing his own stunts. For the studio, it was a nightmare. Higher insurance premiums, a ballooning budget, and his manager losing sleep over the what-ifs. 

For Joel, it was just how he’d always worked.

But his body wasn’t what it used to be. He could feel the aftermath of his aching limbs with every roll, leap, and landing. By the end of each day, he was a drained man.

The tension on set that evening was suffocating, the kind that made every sound sharper, every movement feel urgent. 

Joel’s stunt wasn’t supposed to go wrong. It rarely did. But today was different. 

You’d seen the way his jaw tightened with every take, the exhaustion etched into the lines of his face. Monitoring him from the sidelines when the cameras were still rolling. 

Then it happened.

A sickening crunch, the unmistakable sound of something gone wrong. Joel hit the ground hard, and the set erupted in chaos. The director’s voice echoed through the sound stage, “Cut! Jesus. Check on Joel. Now!” as the crew scrambled toward him.

You froze, the towel and water bottle in your hands suddenly feeling useless. Your feet moved on instinct, but the crowd around Joel was essentially a wall. Blocking you out. 

You couldn’t get through.

“Back off. M’fine.” Joel’s voice cuts through the commotion, frustration dripping from every word. He swatted away helping hands, gaze darting through the crowd. His face twisted in anger, not from pain but from the lack of order.

“Where the hell is she?” he grumbled. 

You hesitated, your stomach knotting. His eyes finally locked onto you, and his expression darkened. “You. Get over here.”

The weight of his command pulled you forward, even as your gut screamed to stay back, letting someone more qualified deal with it.  You shuffled behind him as you’d maneuvered out of the crowd and back into his trailer. Eyes widening at the sight of blood seeping through a tear in his shirt.

“Joel, I–…shouldn’t we call–”

“Don’t need someone else,” he interrupted, his tone biting but strained. “Just. I’ll tell ya what to do. Kits in the left drawer.”

“Okay,” you murmured, trying to keep your voice steady, wracking your brain for memories of those first aid videos you’d seen on YouTube. Film school did not prep you for this. 

As you grabbed the first aid kit, you watched Joel slump against the trailer walls. You stood there, awkwardly, watching the scarlet blossom against his abdomen.

He looks at you for a moment before exhaling. “Y’know, you can ask n’ not jus’ stand there like a mute, darlin’.”

The witty remark dies in your throat when he yanks his shirt off. Effectively shutting your brain down entirely. You stare down at his body in its’ full glory. Damp with sweat and streaked with dirt. Blood smeared in jagged trails down his arm to his abdomen, mingling with grime from the fall. Joel pulls out the antiseptic wipes from the first aid kit, handing it to you.

“Shit, Joel. That looks fucking bad.” You hissed out, as though you were the one with a darkened gash on your midriff when you attempted to wipe the first streak off.

“Why…” Fuck. Your voice was cracking. “Why didn’t you just let someone else help you?”

He huffed, his dark eyes flicking to yours for a moment in amusement before looking away. “Ain’t worth makin’ a scene over somethin’ small.”

“This isn’t small, Joel,” you protested, frowning as you uncovered a deeper gash on his side. “You should’ve let the medics handle it.”

“Don’t need all that fuss.” His tone was clipped, defensive. “Been doin’ my own stunts for years. Ain’t stoppin’ now ‘cause of a scratch.”

“This isn’t a scratch.”

Joel’s gaze flicked to yours again, a flash of something unreadable in his expression. “Look, I get it, alright? But I don’t need everyone actin’ like I’m fallin’ apart. I’m fine.”

He knew deep down that his ego was far too big to admit that he actually needed help. 

“Stubborn,” you murmured under your breath, shaking your head as you pressed a clean pad against the wound.

“What was that?” 

“Nothing.”

Joel’s patience was paper thin, but he bit back whatever comment was forming on his tongue. “Enough of that. Just…tie it up” He sighs, strained, handing you a roll.

You nodded, fumbling with the bandage as your heart pounded in your ears. The wound was deeper than you’d thought now that it was clean, and the sight of it made your stomach churn.

“C’mon, darlin’. Ain’t got all day.”

You secured the bandage, tying it off with a bunny-eared bow before sitting back on your heels. Fingertips drumming on your knees, seemingly proud of yourself. 

Joel glanced down, his brows furrowing as he took in your work. “What the hell is that?”

“What?” you say defensively. “You told me to tie it.”

“Looks like ya wrapped a damn present,” he muttered. 

“Fine, I’ll redo it–”

“Don’t bother.” He caught your hands before you could move, holding them in place. “It’ll hold.”

The silence that followed proved to further intensify the air between the two of you. His grip on your wrist was firm but not harsh, his eyes locked on yours. You didn’t dare to move. 

The curve of his nose grazed your cheeks, the faintest touch sent a shiver down your spine, but he had enough sense to move away. 

You however, didn’t think, didn’t hesitate when you leaned in, capturing his lips in a quick, tentative kiss.

It seemed to have caught the both of you off guard.

Joel froze, the kiss barely lasting a second before he pulls back, his expression unreadable. For a moment, you thought he’d tell you off.

But instead, he leans forward. Kissing you harder, deeper. A palm slips to the back of your neck to anchor you in place.

With nowhere else to put your hands, you placed them on his thighs, gripping them tightly.

The kiss wasn’t gentle. It was desperate. His lips moved against yours with an urgency that made your head spin. His other hand gripped your waist, drags you closer until your knees pressed against the side of his hips.

But just as quickly as it started, Joel stops. He pulls back with a bated breath. His hands slip from where he held your neck. “Shit,” he mutters, his jaw clenching as he looks away. “Shit.”

You blinked, your heart racing as you tried to catch up. Trying not to let the disappointment show in your voice. “Joel–”

“Stop. I shouldn’t have.” The curtness in his tone startled you. But you frowned. Trailing behind him as he gets up. 

“Well you did.” You blocked his path towards the door of his trailer. Eyes filled with a burning persistence of him once again denying you. 

“Don’t push it, kid.”

You’d practically stepped up to him confrontationally. “—Or better yet, you gonna tell me that I imagined it?”

“You can’t do all of that and then just back off.”

It frustrated you to no end when he stonewalled you like this. Like you were some irrational kid who couldn’t read between the lines.

When Joel finally does speak, he merely says your name. With a finality you couldn’t quite refute. You bite the inside of your cheeks. Feeling humiliated at being shot down when you’d thrown yourself onto someone like this.

“Fucking coward.”

This time, you didn’t mumble. 

Joel visibly grimaces at that. You feel his hand grip painfully around your wrist, stopping you from leaving the trailer.

You let out a choked gasp when his hands shoot out to grip around your throat before you could even react. Forcing you backwards at every step. Instinctively, you grab around his wrists to loosen his grip. 

“Hey!” 

He leans down to your level, lips grazing against your ears in a deep whisper. “Fuckin’ coward, huh?”  You'd pushed all the right buttons. He'd held back for so damned long and he didn't have it in him to hold back. Not after you'd run your mouth.

You let out a shaky exhale. Teeth grit painfully. You should’ve felt scared. Horrified, really. But the tenderness in his hold makes you feel conflicted about what you should’ve felt. 

Joel’s grip held you firm. Tipping your head up. “Y’want me to fuck you that bad?”

A soft whimper leaves your lips when his back presses against you. The hardness rubbed up against your core. You shudder at the sensation, nodding weakly. 

His rough palms circle around your waist, turning you over the dressing table until your pelvis sat flush against it. The grip around your throat swiftly turns to a vice grip around your jaw. 

He tugs at your jaw. “Words, sweetheart.”

“Ugh—yes.…need you..tofuckme.” You manage through gritted teeth. It irked you to say it, but you had a feeling he wouldn’t have let up.

Joel tugs you to look up into your own reflection. Your gaze immediately sours, attempting to look away. 

“C’mon now. S’a pretty sight.” He tuts. His other palm drags the fabric of your top up harshly, pulling it up along with your bra. Your tits spilling at the notion. A gasp slips from your lips. 

“Joel!” Your palms tightens into fists on the table at the obscene sight. 

So much for someone who didn’t want to give in.

It doesn’t faze Joel, merely letting out a low whistle. Kneading them in his palms. “Perfect fuckin’ tits.”

He presses a kiss down the sides of your neck. Twisting around your nipples till they hardened between his fingers. You let out a pathetic whine at the sensation. Holding his arms firmly, you squirm as he nips your shoulder. 

“Could you just—“ Your protests don't stop him in the slightest. Nudging your head a little to give him room. He takes it as a sign to bite down on your neck, bruising you with hickeys all over. 

Joel seems to catch your nervous flickers towards the doors. He shifts your hair over one side of your shoulder. Thumbing over the ink on the nape of your neck. You hear the sound of the zipper, briefly catching sight of him shucking his pants down. He winces slightly at the dull pain shooting across his abdomen, but the desperation of needing you was far greater than the pain.

Somehow, the idea of not being able to see it made it so much worse. And as though he reads your mind, he presses his jaw against the side of your head. “Relax.” The tenderness in his tone through the roughness does manage to soothe your nerves. You nod slowly.

Your hips jolt as the cold air hits your body when Joel dips a finger under the waistband of your sweats. He teasingly brushes his fingers lightly against your skin before swiftly tugging them down to your thighs along with the flimsy cotton panties you had on. “A little warning would help.” You bite back, finally losing patience at his tactless gestures. 

Joel meets your gaze through the mirror. A lopsided smirk quirking up his lips. “Right. My bad.” You could feel the disingenuity in his tone before he taps the length of his cock against your lower back. The gesture almost mocking.

A shudder runs down your spine. He was big, unlike anything you’ve experienced before. 

He hikes your hip backwards and flush against him. Your palms instinctively clutches around the edge of the table. Joel takes his time, sliding his hard cock between the softness of your thighs. The sensation nearly sends you doubling over. Watching the weeping tip poke through in the reflection, slightly smearing his precum on your clit.

You squeeze your legs together subconsciously, earning a wince from him. He was certain he could come just from fucking your thighs like this. The pace he took now bordered on torturous. Teasing you with everything but giving you nothing. 

You took it upon yourself to stretch your hands between your thighs in an attempt to notch him in you. You were aching. Badly.

Joel lets out a grunt of disapproval, yanking your wrist to pin it behind your back. Leaving you to steady your body weight onto your other hand. “Eager little thing. Daddy ain’t ever teachya patience?”

His snark burned in your cheeks. It was a futile effort. He could see every single expression you were making from your reflection and he fucking thrived on it. Joel takes a hold of his cock, lining it up against your soaked cunt, he slowly drags your slick over his length. You were soaking him before he even started.

Your head dips, clinging onto the fleeting pleasure every time the tip of his cock bumped against your clit. 

“Joel–please just fuck me...”

So he does.

Before you could even catch your breath, he snaps his hips into you. “Deep breath f’me, sweetheart.” If not for his grip around your wrist, you would’ve probably face planted into the dresser. 

The sting from the intrusion of his thickness had your cunt tightening with every move he makes, squeezing the absolute life out of his dick.

Your hair falls in front of your face as he mercilessly fucks you. You swore you could feel him almost grazing the entrance of your cervix. “T-Too..too fucking...big.”

Joel tips his head at the sight of your pussy swallowing his cock, probably only halfway. He doesn’t say anything yet. Only humming at your whines. “I know baby.”

You look down shakily at where the both of you were connected, the lines between pain and pleasure blurring to the point you hadn’t registered the tears prickling the corner of your eyes. “Hurts…”

Joel seems to feel a tinge of empathy at the way you were struggling to take him, hiccuping through your whines. His gaze flickers to the way your pretty little face scrunched up, doing your fucking best like the good girl you were. A slight groan leaves his lips involuntarily.

All rationality be fucked.

His hand grips around your throat, forcing you to look up at the mirror. 

As humiliating as it was, you couldn’t help but feel increasingly turned on at the sight of his cock fucked into your dripping pussy in squelches. “See that? Takin’ me so ’fuckin’ well.” He sighs into your shoulder. 

The praise has you lifting your hips higher, on your tippy toes–forcing a deeper arch at your hips. With how slick your thighs were, you weren’t even sure yourself if you did come.

Nothing but the sounds of his pelvis snapping into your ass in rhythmic, hard slaps. He buries his head in the crook of your shoulder. And you hear him audibly grunt this time. Thrusting into you at a punishing pace. 

Joel could feel the all familiar tightening in his sack, he knew he was close. The sheer suction your soft, slick walls were providing him was nothing he’d ever felt before. He lets go of your throat, both palms gripped around your hips, painful enough to leave a mark. The table rattles under your combined weights and Joel’s frantic thrusts, products rolling and clattering onto the ground. He noses your cheeks, stubble rubbing against your pulse point. “Perfect fuckin’ pussy…” 

You offer a slight whimper at his words, meeting the intensity his thrusts weakly. You both still at the shuffle of footsteps approaching the trailer.

 The sharp knocks against the trailer door has the both of you whipping your head towards it. 

“Everything okay?”

Your heartbeat thuds in your ears loudly. The door wasn’t locked.

Joel doesn't answer, simply looking at you. Your expression twists in frustration. Mouthing the words ‘me?’. There wasn't time to deliberate. Your lips parts to speak, barely able to form coherent words. “Y..yeah. A-All good.” 

“Right…productions cutting it close. So if Joel’s oookaaay…”

You cursed internally at how persistent whoever behind the doors was. But you nearly see white when Joel fully slams into you. Deeper than before. You couldn’t control the sharp cry that leaves your lips, but it is soon muffled by Joel’s rough palms covering your mouth.

“M’fine. Give us ten.”

Your tears pool around his hand. Gripping onto his wrists when he continues to pound into you at a faster intensity. You were whining by the time the crewmate finally left. Joel pulls you against his chest. Audibly groaning into your ears now. “Fuck. M’close.” 

You nodded dumbly, not even sure just what at anymore. Shaky hands clinging onto him like a lifeline. With a final rut, his hips stutter, ropes of his cum painting the insides of your walls.

He held it there for a couple of seconds before pulling out. All messy and soaked with your arousal.

You let out a strained exhale at the feeling of loss as your pussy convulses around nothing, pearlescent liquid dripping from your reddened cunt. 

Joel sighs wantonly at the sight. With the state of you, he was briefly worried that he might’ve gone too hard. And then he sees it. Your smaller, manicured hands, pushing more of his dripping come into your folds. Yeah. Joel was fucked.

[mywitchyblog]

The Coolest Thing About Reality Shifting: DR Memories

What Are DR Memories ? :

One of the coolest things about reality shifting is that you can get DR memories—these are memories from your desired reality (DR). What’s really cool about these memories is that they fill in the blanks, like adding extra content to the story. But what makes it even better is that these memories often answer questions that the original show or movie never explained. It’s almost like having secret insider knowledge that makes the story and characters make more sense and feel more real. These memories can add extra background information, character motivations, or small details that clear up plot holes. It makes the universe of that show or movie feel more complete and satisfying. That’s why I think DR memories are one of the most interesting parts of reality shifting—they add a lot of depth and detail that you wouldn't get otherwise.

Claircognizance and DR Memories :

In case you didn't know, a DR memory is a type of claircognizance. Claircognizance is a psychic ability where you get knowledge or insights without any logical explanation—it's like the information just pops into your head. It’s not like remembering something you already know or imagining something new; instead, it feels like this information just appears in your mind without any effort.

I can tell the difference between a DR memory and a daydream because with daydreams, I actually create them myself, almost like I’m walking through the daydream and deciding what happens next. Daydreams are like a creative process, where I have control over what happens. With DR memories, it's the opposite—the memory just comes to me, almost like downloading information from somewhere unknown. It’s passive, and I feel like I’m just receiving it instead of making it happen. DR memories usually come with a strong sense of certainty that they’re real, which is very different from daydreams, which feel more like imagination.

How I Recognize DR Memories :

That's how I can tell the difference between the two. I'm currently working on developing my psychic abilities, and from what I've learned, claircognizance is the best way to describe what happens when shifters get DR memories. Claircognizance is like getting information from a place you can't see, almost like an invisible source of knowledge.

One reason I value these memories so much is that they make things suddenly make sense, like putting together puzzle pieces that finally fit. They don’t feel random—they come with a clarity and sense of completeness that I can't ignore. I knew it was a DR memory because it came with a strong sense of certainty, a conviction that I wouldn't normally have if I was just imagining things. It’s that feeling of knowing that tells me it’s not something I made up, but something real and meaningful, which makes the experience even more special.

Example: Teen Wolf Filming Locations :

Here's an example that really stood out to me. It's related to Teen Wolf, specifically where they filmed the show. In the first two seasons, they filmed in Atlanta, Georgia, which gave it that small-town vibe and charm. The setting made it feel like a real close-knit community, with overcast skies, thick woods, and an older, worn-out small-town look. But from season three onward, they moved filming to California, which totally changed things.

The new location made the show look different since the Californian landscapes had more sun, wider streets, new architecture, and brighter natural scenery. This change impacted the show's overall tone and feel. The new brightness made everything look cleaner and less gritty, which affected the mood and atmosphere. What always bugged me was that the show never explained in the story why the high school changed so much between seasons two and three. It felt like a sudden, unexplained shift, and it always stood out to me as something inconsistent when I watched the series again.

The DR Memory That Explained It All :

Then I had this DR memory, and it all made sense. Basically, in my DR memory, there was a big renovation. The old high school from seasons one and two was in an older, run-down part of town with outdated facilities and a dull look. The town council realized that the school was no longer meeting the needs of the community, and it couldn't keep up with modern education standards. So, they decided to build a brand new high school—one that was bigger, more modern, and way more functional, with updated technology and better facilities, like advanced science labs, new computer rooms, and bigger athletic fields.

The construction project took about two to three years, and it involved a lot of community effort, planning, and even some fundraising by the local residents. The town was really proud to build something that would be a central part of the community and give students a much better learning environment. By the time summer break was over (like the one at the very beginning of season 3A), the new high school was ready, with modern classrooms, great sports facilities, an upgraded library with digital resources, and a cool, sleek design. It was a huge improvement compared to the old school. So, by the time season three starts, the high school is completely new and very different from the old one.

Better Than Devenford Prep :

What I found pretty funny in the DR memory was that some of the new facilities at our high school ended up being even better than the ones at Devenford Prep, which is supposed to be this elite school with the best resources. The upgrades were so impressive that even some of the prep school students came over to use our facilities, especially things like the athletic spaces and the new multimedia studio (which is, in a way, canon since I think there are scenes of Brett Talbot training at the BHHS lacrosse field). The swimming pool and gym were way nicer than anything Devenford had, which was surprising because private schools are usually thought to have better stuff than public ones.

Finally, I had an explanation for why the high school changed so much between seasons two and three, which the show never actually explained. It was really satisfying to fill in that missing piece because it made the story feel more realistic, like everything fit together and made sense, almost as if it had always been part of the original story.

@shiftingwithmars i think you have a teen wolf DR ? So maybe this lil storty time of mine will make some sense to you.

[punksyeet]

- Confessions ❥

Plot: Gianna (OC) has been split from her ex for two years now. He drops their daughter off from visits with him every weekend, but this one ends a bit differently.

Warning: Talks of smut & hefty flirting!

"Mommy!" my daughter calls out excitedly, hopping out of my ex Joshua's car as soon as he parks.

I crouch down and she runs straight into my arms, to which I respond with a tight hug.

"Hi baby!" I reply excitedly, before kissing her cheek. "How was your time with daddy?"

"It was so much fun!" she replies, looking up at me. "We baked cookies and watched all the Barbie movies."

I chuckle and look up at him, still responding to her. "Sounds like you guys had a blast. I'm sorry I missed it."

He responds with a soft smile on his face - the same gorgeous smile I fell in love with all those years ago.

For context, Josh and I were together for 6 years and have been seperated for 2.

We started dating at the ages of 19 and 23, so naturally, some stupid decisions were made - one of which, lead to our daughter Jalina.

As big of a mistake as it was at the time, becoming a mom has changed my life for the better.

And my love for her somehow grows more and more every day.

She has all of her dad's features: his curly dark hair, big chocolate brown eyes, perfectly round nose, full lips that turn into a gorgeous smile, and even the exact caramel-like shade of his Samoan skin.

As for why we split in the first place, it was mainly because of the distance.

As the years of our relationship rolled on, Josh was getting more and more involved with WWE, and the traveling and time spent away was no joke.

From live shows, to weekly matches, and even occasional PPVs outside of the country, we barely got to see each other.

Which of course, caused us to drift apart and make the mutual decision of parting ways.

Unfortunately, our daughter had already been 4 by that time, so the breakup not only confused her, but hit her hard.

Just to be clear, the attraction is still in full effect, at least over here.

Josh is still very much the most attractive man I've ever laid eyes on, and his subtle ways of flirting with me to this day have lead me to believe he feels the same.

Anyway, fast forward to now, Jalina is 6 years old and spends time with both of her parents separately.

Her home is here with me in Savannah, but when Josh is off from work, she goes and visits with him in Atlanta.

"It's okay mom," Jalina replies, setting her backpack down onto the floor in the doorway. "I brought home some cookies for you."

She pulls out and hands me a tupperware container filled to the brim with cookies, sprinkled with pink sugar crystals.

I smile and kiss her temple. "That's very sweet of you, baby. Thank you."

She smiles and zips her backpack up again, throwing one of the straps over her shoulder.

"LiLi why don't you head upstairs and unpack," Josh suggests, stroking her hair gently.

"Okay daddy," she replies, wrapping her arms around his waist.

I smile as they share a quick hug and kiss before she runs inside and upstairs. 

The jingle of the key chains on her backpack zippers gets quieter and quieter, causing me to stand up and brush off my biker shorts.

"You hungry?" I ask, breaking the comfortable silence. "I was in the middle of making dinner when you guys arrived.”

Josh gives me a soft smile. "What kind of man would I be if I turned down your cooking?"

I smile, playfully roll my eyes, and walk back into the house, inviting him to follow me.

He does, shutting the door behind him and taking a seat on a stool at the island.

"So," he begins again, watching me as I transfer the cookies into a Ziplock bag. "How's everything been?"

I shrug, sliding the zipper across the top. "Quiet, thank God. How's work?"

He tilts his head, nodding. "Busy as usual. You been keeping up with the shows?"

"Haven't I always?" I tease, setting the cookies to the side and turning around to open the fridge and grab some ingredients for a side salad to go with dinner.

I hear him chuckle from behind me. "Aight fair enough. I appreciate your support though forreal."

On my way over to the sink to wash some vegetables, I can practically feel his gaze on my ass.

I grab a cutting board and knife, and head back over to the island counter.

"No worries," I finally reply, cutting off the ends of a cucumber. "Half the time Jalina is the one to turn on the channels to watch her daddy, so it's not like I have much of a choice."

"Gee thanks," he replies sarcastically, causing me to giggle.

Comfortable silence falls over the room again, as the faint sound of our daughter playing with her dolls upstairs echoes throughout the house.

"Can I help with anything?" he asks, as I turn back to the stove to stir the pasta.

I think for a minute. "You can set the table if you'd like."

"Cool," he replies, the sound of his footsteps getting closer.

His hand lightly grazes against my hip, as he reaches up to open the cabinet and grab three dishes.

And, as if nothing has changed, I automatically get goosebumps in reaction to the feeling of his soft fingertips against my body.

"You cold?" he asks, walking past me smirking.

This mother fucker.

"Boy shut up," I reply, taking the pot off the heat and over to the sink to strain the pasta water.

He chuckles and heads over to me once the table is all set.

"I know you missed me," he teases, hugging me from behind.

"Don't flatter yourself," I lie, shaking the strainer to get all of the excess water out. "And our daughter is just upstairs. Don't act like an idiot please."

"You're acting like she wouldn't love to have her parents back together," he mumbles, his hot breath against my ear. "And besides, you ain't pushed me away yet."

He got me there.

"Whatever," I mutter, heading back over to the stove and pouring the pasta into my homemade Alfredo sauce.

He comes up from behind me again, his big hands stroking my sides, and somehow leaving even more goosebumps behind.

"Good comeback," he mumbles, and starts kissing my neck.

I bite my lower lip gently and tilt my head back, laying it against his chest to give him more access. "Joshua..."

"Feels good, huh?" he coos sexily against my jawline. "Daddy could never forget your favorite spots."

Once the pasta and sauce are fully combined, I turn towards him and fold my arms. "Josh, we've been apart for well over 2 years. What makes you think I'd still call you daddy?"

I mean, of course I would.

But this explanation should be interesting.

He cups my face, his thumb stroking my cheek and his dreamy eyes staring deep into mine.

"I remember all those late nights," he begins, caressing my ass with his free hand. "When this ass was all mine. I loved seeing it arched in the air while I fucked you from behind. My favorite was when I'd shove my face in it to swallow that pussy whole. All you said was 'daddy please' this and 'yes daddy' that. You miss that just as much as I do, huh baby?"

With every dirty memory that leaves his dreamy lips, I feel myself getting wetter and wetter.

God, the things this man does to me.

"More than anything," I reply, my voice just above a whisper. "But I don't miss being apart from you all the time. We'd have sex just like you said, and then I wouldn't see you for a week, sometimes two. I felt so alone. So used."

His eyes sadden, as his thumb starts to stroke my cheek again. "We were so young, baby. But we're grown now. We know better and we can make it work. I'm willing to try again, if you are."

I let out a deep sigh, wrapping my arms around his neck and playing with his curls. "I don't know."

"Say yes mama," he practically begs, his thumb now grazing my bottom lip. "I've been missing you so much. I'd give anything to have your beautiful self belong to me again. For our daughter to have her mommy and daddy back together again. To come home after a long day and fall asleep with this gorgeous body in my arms again. I love you baby. Just say the words and I'll be your Jey-Daddy again."

Jey-Daddy.

A nickname I gave him the first time we ever had sex.

So many unwanted memories, but so many good ones too.

I take a deep breath before standing on my tippy toes and pressing my lips to his.

I don't know why I'm doing this instead of responding, but it feels so good.

Better than words anyway.

He automatically responds, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me closer, making the kiss slow and passionate.

Our lips and tongues move perfectly in sync as he lightly grips my neck.

When we finally pull away, he looks into my eyes again. "So is that a yes?"

I lick my lips and give him a soft smile. "Yeet."

He smiles back and pecks my lips then left cheek before pulling me into a hug.

I hug back, resting my head against his chest and inhaling his delicious cocoa butter scent.

"My beautiful lady," he coos, resting his chin on my head. "I love you."

"I love you too," I reply, rubbing his back. "I never stopped."

He kisses my temple and rocks us back and forth.

—————————————————————————————————

The light snores coming from Jalina and Josh fill the room as the credits to "Cinderella III: A Twist in Time" roll on the living room TV.

I press the power button on the remote and look over at the two loves of my life.

Could I be any more lucky?

I pick Jalina up and off of Josh, making sure to be extra careful so that I don't wake either of them up.

She stirs in her sleep but wraps her arms around my neck, causing me to smile softly.

I carry her upstairs and lay her in her bed, lifting the blankets onto her body and making sure to tuck her in extra comfortably.

I press a gentle kiss to her forehead before quietly leaving her bedroom, shutting the door behind me.

I head back downstairs and find Josh still asleep on the couch.

I chuckle quietly at the sound of his loud snores and kneel onto the cushion next to him.

I gently cup his face and stroke his cheek, to which he responds with his eyes fluttering open and a soft smile when he sees me. "Hi baby."

"Hi sleepyhead," I tease, running my fingers through his curls. "I brought Jalina up to bed. You guys were knocked out by the time the movie ended."

He chuckles in response and rubs his eyes while stretching.

"I didn't wanna wake you," I continue. "But I know you have to be somewhere tomorrow and the couch might not be the most comfortable."

He smiles again, and strokes my cheek. "You're an angel, baby. Thank you."

We share a quick kiss before I take his hand and lead us upstairs to bed.

Once we're all cozy under the covers, we just kinda lay there, staring into each other's eyes.

"What?" I ask shyly, blushing like a maniac.

One thing about this man: he's always gonna make me blush regardless of the 6 years we spent together.

He chuckles and removes a curl from my face. "You're so pretty, baby."

"Thank you," I reply looking down, my face hot to the touch.

He gently lifts my chin and stares deep into my eyes.

"I'm so happy you're mine again." *Kiss* "You're everything." *Kiss* "I love you so much, baby. And I will for as long as you'll let me." *One final kiss*

I kiss back each time and bite my bottom lip after the last one before speaking up. "I love you too. More than you'll ever know."

We share a smile as I wrap my arms around him.

He rubs my lower back and buries his head into my neck, giving me a ton of kisses there too.

When we finally pull away, he puckers his lips and I giggle before accepting his offer, pressing mine to his once more.

Soon enough, we drift off to sleep in each other's arms.

Lord, thank you for bringing the man of my dreams back into my life.

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[bengals-barnesbabe]

Call Me Back

Pairing: Ex!Joe Burrow x Black!Actress Reader

Description: This wasn't how your life was supposed to go, but you're glad you have friends that will always be there for you.

Warnings: Angst, Language, Horrible Communication, Toxic Relationships, Cheating, No Happy Endings Today :(

Word Count: 2.4k

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊° .☆

“God, I’m so hungry.” You say as soon as the appetizers arrive at the table.

Everything looked so good. “I could down all 6 of those plates right now.” After loading a variety of flavors onto your plate, you take the first bite of actual heaven. 

Your friends sit there in total shock, the calls of your name falling on deaf ears. By the time you look up, half of the plate is gone. “Um, when was the last time you ate?” Ariel asks, the girl with red dyed locs only had a single meatball on her plate.

You look around the table and slowly shift in your seat when only one of the five plates had been loaded.

You gulped. “Oh I skipped lunch at work, we were really busy.” 

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

6 Hours Earlier

The scene had wrapped early, but lunch was scheduled at 1. As you sat in your trailer, the next 30 minutes felt like hours. You were starving, because of how long a chaotic filming of a movie is. All you had today was a protein shake. Sipping on it throughout was fine but you needed food. 

The second the clock struck one, you yanked open the door hoping to see your P.A on the other side and by the grace of god, she was.

“One Moe's Homewrecker Bowl with extra salsa, queso, and siracha. A large chocolate peanut butter cup milkshake from Steak & Shake and lastly homemade banana pudding straight from the Peach Cobbler Factory.” Deyzia handed you the bowl first and set the rest on the counter.

“D I fucking love you so much.” You moan taking a bite of your food. “I also love filming in Atlanta.”

The young girl giggled, grabbing water from the mini fridge and setting that beside you too. “You’re welcome, boss. Gotta keep the woman that pays me happy.”

You simply nodded, not caring about her words. The food was all that mattered at this moment. 

ੈ✩‧₊˚

Thinking back to earlier that day, you push the play forward a bit and fake a groan. “Skipping lunch was a bad idea, but I need to make room for my pasta.”

The faux brunette beside you took that as an opportunity to clean your plate. “I felt that, but I’m not letting these mozzarella sticks go to waste.”

You had to fight the pout that wanted to set on your face as your stomach started to growl. “Go on right ahead Sash, I shouldn’t be eating such greasy food anyway.”

“Oh yeah, she’s a big movie star now guys.” Diane chuckles. “Before you know it, The Cheesecake Factory will be too good for her.”

Your laugh comes out halfheartedly. “Please if it ever does, I’ll start paying for everyone’s dinner.”

You can tell the dark skin beauty liked that even if her job in real estate had a more stable future than yours.

Everyone seemed to move on from your appetite afterward, now paying more attention to Sasha's newest romantic encounters- as a newly out fem she was immensely enjoying the fun queer scene. 

But even with most eyes on her, you couldn’t help but feel another set studying your presence You quietly excuse yourself from the table and speed walk to the women’s restroom, the clacking of another pair of heels steps behind you causing sweat to build on your brow.

Looking in the mirror, you powder all the sweaty and oily spots on your face. Then reapply your favorite lip tint before your longtime friend speaks up. 

“This morning all you could talk about was that cobbler place opening back up. I heard you place the same lunch order with the addition of the banana pudding you said was ‘so incredible, to die for, astronomically delicious.’ Then you came home and downed a large fruit salad. But you’re starving- no actually you're too full, but your stomach is definitely saying the latter.” You lock eyes in the mirror, but for the first time in 8 years, you can’t read the expression on her face. 

“Yazmine.”

Her strong bronze arms cross over her chest, some of her blonde braids getting caught in the process. “You think I don’t know what’s going on?” 

“Yaz…” 

“No, we’ve been best friends since drama school and this is how you tell me?!” Her eyes are so scolding you shift your focus to putting your makeup away.

“Eliza!” The harsh tone of her voice makes you jump but paired with the role you’ve wanted since you knew what theater was it brought chills to your skin. The day you met, you both chose to audition with a Hamilton song so the director made you sit for each other’s ‘performances,’ in the end she became the Angelica to your Eliza.

“Yaz, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Your hands shake as you close your purse and turn to leave. But her now soft mousy voice stops you. "Just wait."

“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” 

Because you hadn’t admitted to yourself.

Turning you lay your head against the granite wall and show her the small pools in your eyes. “I.. I didn’t notice it at first, after most shoots I slept for hours. I didn’t want to eat but that was sort of normal. Then the um- cravings started, I was just glad my appetite was back. But I started getting sick, and that’s when I really noticed the changes. I kept telling myself they’d go away, that it’s not really happening. I still haven’t said it out loud, but it’s been two months. I wrap in a few days, the movie’s been a great distraction, but I-I don’t know what to do. The doctor said everything’s fine, but I don’t feel like myself anymore. I-I don’t-

She takes two large steps and engulfs you in her arms. “Hey, hey I’m here. I’m here Liza. You’re gonna be fine, I’m gonna help you through this. Don’t worry about it, you’re not alone babe. You have me, Dia, Sasha, Ariel, shit even Deyzia, we’ll always be here for you.”

You sob even harder. “I-I hav-haven’t-

“Shhhh, take your time, I’m not going anywhere.” She just rocks you in her arms, the safe and secureness she oozes is more than enough to calm a bear. 

You slowly pick up your head and wipe away the remaining tears. “I haven’t told him. I found out after we broke up, he blocked me on everything and I changed my number. I don’t know if I can go through this with him, after everything we’ve been through. I can’t Yaz, I can’t tell him.”

She kisses your head and whispers against your heated skin. “I’ll tell him and I’ll whoop his ass in the process.”

You snort against her neck, softly pushing her away. “Thank you, I honestly have no idea what I’d do without you, Angel.” She smiles and wraps an arm around you.

“I know, who do you think helped you with all those damn orphanages?” You roll your eyes at her smirk as you walk back into the dining room.

“So who’s telling the girls?”

︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚

“Ja’Marr! Open up! I see his stupid car outside, you’re not fooling anyone!” Yazmine’s incessant yelling and banging on the Cincinnati door seize when the tatted wide receiver yanks it open.

“Woman, you need to chill the fuck out. Whatchu’ doing all that hollerin’ for?” The football player dawned a sweaty white muscle shirt and basketball shorts, clearly he had just finished a workout. Yazmine would usually take more time admiring his strong build, but that’s not why she’s here.

“Where is he? Bring Burrow’s ass out, we need to have a chat.” She demands arms crossed and lips pursed.

Ja’Marr smirks doing his own look over the woman in front of him. “Mm mm mmm. You sure are breathtaking, baby.” He bites his bottom lip tilting his head to get a peak at her backside. “What did I do to earn the sight of this..

“Hey! No, focus Chase.” She snaps her fingers in his face to riel him back in. “Joseph. Burrow. Get him. Now.”

He takes in the serious look on her face and shakes his head. “I assume this is about your girlfriend, so..” He steps back and opens the door wide enough for her to go through then nods towards the direction of his kitchen.

“Thank you.” Yazmine leans up and places a chaste kiss on his cheek. “If this goes well, you might get more later.” Then walks off looking for the quarterback.

“I better be getting more, fucking HOA gon kill me for the damn noise.”

Turning a wide corner, Yazmine spots the man she’s been searching for at the kitchen counter, wearing almost the exact attire as his friend. “Oh sorry, I didn't know you and J were rendezvousing today.”

She looks at the man confused. “Rendezvous? That’s not what we’ve been- nothing is going on.”

Joe cocked his head with a smirk. “Isn’t it though? I’m pretty sure sneaking around for months on end means there’s definitely something going on behind closed doors.”

Yazmine rolls her eyes and sits on a bar stool, leaving an empty one in between them. “Whatever that’s not why I’m here- didn’t you hear me at the door?”

He points to the Beats headphones fitted snugly in his ear.

“Okay well, this is about you and..” Joe scoffs hopping up from the stool.

“If there’s no you and J, there definitely isn’t a me and her. I don’t want to hear it, she clearly doesn't either considering she’s not here herself.” 

Yaz gets up and follows him to the backyard. “This is serious Joe, if she could be here, you know she would.”

“Actually I don't know anything about her anymore, including her number, because she changed it hours after we broke up.” He muttered picking up a basketball, bouncing it once, and shooting- only to airball.

“She had to change it, remember the stupid leak! You didn’t have to block her on everything though, maybe if you had left at least one line of communication open I wouldn't be here, asshole.” She snickers as his second shot also falls short.

“Well get the damn thing over with then. What’s the problem?” 

Her face softens and she reaches into her back pocket. “Joe, she’s pregnant.” 

His frustrated demeanor immediately drops, replaced with wide eyes and parted lips. He slowly feels his world start spinning, he parts his stance and grips onto the basketball for some kind of relief.

“She’s 11 weeks, almost 3 months. It’s most definitely yours and she just got back in town. She wanted me to tell you because she was scared of your reaction, she’s not sure if she wants you to be there though.” Yazmine confesses handing him an ultrasound picture.

“What do y- what? Why wouldn’t she want me there? I- I don’t understand.” His eyes are locked on the image as it shakes in his hand. 

Yazmine lets out a breath. “Think about it Joe, you were nothing but unreliable in the 3 years you were together. You put football, your foundation, even your friends before her. Then when she got her big break, the happiest day of her life, she had to come home to you in bed with someone else. You didn’t know how to be in a relationship so instead of asking her how she felt, you broke her heart. Does that sound like someone she’d want to raise a child with? She didn’t even want to admit to herself, I didn’t find out until a few weeks ago.” She inhales deeply trying to calm her emotions.

“I’m only telling you because it would be cruel not to. Even if I thought telling you would do the trick if that's what she was going for. She doesn’t want anything from you, so don’t worry about being put on child support. I don’t know how the rest of this is going to go, but I will not let you and your bullshit upset her, stress her out, or bother her about it. That’s my best friend and I will do anything to protect her. You may not want to step up to be a father, but that baby will have two parents no matter what.” A stray tear streams down her face, he’s now looking at her intently. 

“Now you have a choice: keep the picture, hide it somewhere then sign away your rights in a few months, or turn it over and change your life.” Yazmine swiped away the tear and then left him alone on the court.

Joe hadn’t realized he too had been crying until a tear dripped onto the paper. He stumbled over to a lawn chair, not taking his eyes off of the black and white fetus. The damp spot now made the paper translucent allowing him to see blue ink on the other side. His brows furrowed then he remembered, ‘Turn it over and change your life.’

Flipping the image hope peaked in his heart as he repeatedly read the number.

The quarterback quickly began to pat his shorts, realizing he left his phone inside. He rushed into the house, passing Yazmine and completely ignoring his teammate to grab his phone on the kitchen counter. Not caring about the small audience he dials the number as fast as he can, praying that she’ll answer.

“Come on, come on. Please pick up.” It goes straight to voicemail, her fake perky voice fibbing about calling back on the other side instead.

But he still takes the chance and leaves a message. “Baby, it’s me. I know, Yaz told me. I’m so sorry, I know it’s long overdue but please if there’s a chance I wanna be there. If this is the only time that I have to get through to you, I’m taking the shot. I know you deserve way better than me and that baby- our baby deserves to have a family that loves them and cherishes them for everything. Give me a chance to be the man you need me to be, I miss you so much. I’m sorry I didn’t see what I had right in front of me. I’m sorry about the image you have of me in her head. If I could start all this over again, I’d change everything I did- I was selfish and foolish. I need you.. I want you, you’re the only one I want. Please, I want to be a father to our baby. I watch them grow up with you. Even if we don’t work out again, I won’t leave our baby. I won’t leave you until you’re kicking and screaming for me to go. Just give me one more shot, to show you that I can be who you need me to be. I don't want this to be the end of our story, tell me I have more time. Please baby, just call me back.”

'This mailbox is now full. Goodbye.'

☆. ° ₊*. :°• .° . ☆ • . .　

Main Masterlist

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[intuitively-her]

What career fits you best?

Pile 1-(6 of wands, The Star, The Moon, The Magician, 6 of swords rx, 6 of cups rx, 8 of cups, 2 of wands, The Devil rx, 5 of wands rx, Knight of wands, King of pentacles, 10 of cups)

You need to be in the spotlight!📸 Someone here wants to be an actor/actress. Or maybe you like to perform in theatre? Burlesque dancer? For someone specific, this is something you wanted to do since you were a kid. Your confidence is out of this world! It needs to be showcased on a stage somewhere.🤩 More people should know your name. Get into some acting classes if you can. For someone specific, you should get into a dance class. Someone here needs to take an etiquette class. Or something related to speech and communication. For some of you, this will require you to move somewhere new. Atlanta, Texas, or California could be significant.🌍 Something about this career could be unconventional. Performing naked/half dressed? Idk I keep getting a sexual theme here. This career will bring in endless abundance for you.📈 You possess many skills. It's like one day you're playing an extra in some movie, and then the next you're doing a big show on Broadway. You shouldn't limit yourself with your creativity in your line of work. There's nothing you can't do pile 1!🌠

🎶channeled songs: R.I.P by playboi carti & Cameras by drake

Pile 2-(4 of swords, The Hermit, Knight of swords, Page of cups, The Moon rx, Death, The World, Wheel of fortune, 9 of pentacles)

This is my artistic pile.🎨 Someone here could be into graphic design? Or clothing design. Your style of art is unpredictable. You set the trends. Realism art? Someone here could be into mural art. Your art could have a morbid nature to it. If so, people love this. You might primarily work from home. In your own little sanctuary.🏡 You could like to create art that "speaks" to people. Or you like to create art that evokes emotion from the audience. Someone here likes to draw cartoons? Reflect on your childhood for better inspiration. Maybe something you used to draw as a kid? A childhood t.v. show? You wanna contribute to the public and give back to people through "art". You're a very down to earth person in general and can get along with just about anyone. Use that skill to network with others in your field. It would be very beneficial for you.

Pile 3-(The Empress, The Hierophant, 4 of wands, 10 of cups, 5 of pentacles, Knight of swords, 3 of pentacles rx, Ace of cups, Wheel of fortune)

You would make an amazing teacher!🏫 For someone specific, you should look into spiritual teaching. Or maybe working in the church? You could be in the middle of a career change right now. Someone here wants to run a daycare? Or teach small children. You make others feel comfortable. People love how you're easily vulnerable with them.🫶🏽 You're an open book to most. Someone here would make a great therapist. People might've seen you cry before. Or you're often a shoulder to cry on for others. You're very good at consoling others. It pretty much comes natural to you. You're the type of mother that others wish they had growing up. Someone here could be newly pregnant or nursing.🤱🏽 For someone specific, your cooking is the best! There's no one that compares to you in the kitchen.🤣 Someone here could be in a feminist organization? Or you should try one. Many would describe you as a "godsend". You make others feel at home, always. You always know what to say at the right time. Your advice makes people see the bigger picture. It makes everyone around you want to be a better person.💫

[pixiedustjellicle]

I have such a difficult time connecting with the Cats community now. Part of me feels like maybe I'm too old for the current fandom(I don't feel old, but I'm certainly not 19 anymore). Or that perhaps it's because I don't much care about ships. Sometimes I worry that I intimidate people, and I'd hate that. Let me introduce myself and how Cats has shaped my life, and maybe I can find my people?

I first saw Cats at a tiny local theatre when I was eight. I fell in love with it, and even though I didn't have the movie yet, I spent months afterwards with just the poem book and highlights album. Eventually I got the 98 VHS too- and then another local theatre put it on when I was ten! I got to see it twice there. And afterwards, I made up my own attempt at a costume, turned our spare room into my attempt at the set, and put some chairs in there to put on the highlights show for some friends of my mother. The CD was worn out, I went on with the show, and they even gave me a card and a new CD afterwards- the London 2 disc set! Looking back, I think how embarrassing it probably was, but I was so happy and proud of myself in the moment. Two more years later, US Tour 5 came through Nashville, and I got to go and stagedoor for the first time. I wore a tail I made and one of the actresses told me I had a perfect Bombalurina tail twirl. For all those years, I worked Cats into school projects, I drew nothing else. My mom put up with it for so long, and I still thank her to this day.

And then I went into middle school. New school, new students, and I started getting bullied for it. I found other musicals I didn't get bullied for- Phantom, Wicked, and Sweeney- to latch onto, and I kinda put Cats in the back of my head. I still loved it, but my hyperfixation had waned thanks to mean kids, and other than occasionally watching the 1998 movie, I didn't think much of it for years.

But the US Tour 6 announced a date in Nashville. I hadn't seen the show in eight years, and I wasn't about to miss it. I had already started taking an interest in cosplay, but I'd never made a costume like that. I remembered admiring the CCDB as a kid though, and I told myself I was totally capable of making my own, just to go see the show in costume. And I did.

And the cast were SO sweet, and I started finding Cats fans on Instagram. I thought I could do better on the costume, so when the show stopped in Chattanooga a couple months later... I did it again.

The pandemic hit and I lost my job. Immediately I started getting work making Cats cosplays for others, and I haven't stopped since. And when the show resumed, I made an overnight trip to Memphis to dress up again!

And then, I saved until I could finally go see the Royal Caribbean production (front row all three performances), and got to cosplay on the cruise and get a picture on stage with the cast! This was absolutely everything to me, especially seeing the original choreography as opposed to the revival. I definitely cried. (I'm in the middle bottom row!)

I've gotten to make some costume pieces for three regional productions of Cats, in the Dominican Republic, Atlanta Georgia, and most recently Georgetown Texas. I've won some local cosplay contest with my costumes, too! And I'm lucky enough to own a few original pieces- though I've had to part with some too.

My love for this show has spanned just over 17 years now. I adore the story, the costumes, the choreography, the sets, and the characters. It's part of how I learned I am autistic. It's given me confidence I didn't know I could find. And every time I get to see it live, I feel like I'm where I belong. The fandom has felt quiet. And I'm not sure if that's just because I don't know where I fit in? So here's hoping I can find my tribe.

Favorite productions: Original Broadway, Moscow, and Mexico 2013/2018

Favorite Cats: Jemima/Sillabub, Bombalurina, Demeter, Munkustrap, Tumblebrutus, Jellylorum

Favorite songs: Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats, The Song of the Jellicles and the Jellicle Ball, Macavity

Favorite cats to cosplay: Etcetera and Victoria

[dallasgallant]

Gone with the wind | the gang, being Gallant and Southern Masculinity

Made a meta a while ago combining a few themes within the novel to Great Expectations, a novel Pony mentions reading for school. So I’ve decided to read Gone with the Wind too.

This meta is somewhat easier than Great Expectations as the book outright tells you why it’s important to the story and just what Pony and Johnny take out of it! The traits of “them southern boys” as they find themselves having to uphold similar standards of masculinity. Their gentle traits internal to the outward standard, though with less pressure to some degree due to class.

In the book it mentions ‘riding into battle. Gallant men’ and the movie draws two paragraphs a couple hundred pages apart. One on bodies sprawled in the sun during the siege of Atlanta(?) and then ‘those who refused to recognize defeat who road into sure disaster because they were Galant.’

Southern honor:

A sense of self tied to perception and status, often tied to adherence to tradition and independence.

It is an incredibly interesting historic concept which was delved into a lot in a class I took on the Old South, it’s been a semester and I will look through my notes but please forgive this for being a little more rambly then distinct. There’s going to be a loss of nuance here just because this isn’t a full lecture lol. The concept is a duel thing as on one hand, having honor and pride is not inherently bad but it’s the headstrong refusal to accept any other view that leads to self and societal destruction. Something to note is that the particular brand from Gone with the wind and that tends to be talked about the most academically is of the “large planter” variety, a class of people so rich and powerful and few they’d essentially become a aristocratic group of hyper elites. It’s interesting to look into but not the point of this meta, just setting the stage. The novel goes into even the aftermath the old views don’t die, there’s no adapting or accepting- just festering in confusion and hate… to be so headstrong is both remarkable and incredibly stupid. An analogy would be the emperor’s clothes caught fire but he walks around as if he is still clothed. Gone with the Wind is a really fascinating book to be told from the Uber rich perspective, the views of society and war from that class and Homefront perspective and its criticisms. Apparently, the movie is not nearly as analytical and more pretty dress gone how sad, but it’s not what we’re here for.

That’s more me rambling than proper analysis, it may be bare bones without some background but I’m going to tie it together now.

As the type of Southern honor they’d admire while reading is more the base concept of it, they’d relate far more to some conscripted “white trash” than the elite. This honor did defuse a bit across the society, though like any poorer people aren’t subject to half as many social rules and have their own variation but the base remains.

Greasers have their own similar sense of honor.

They’re brash and quick to fight and get angry. They’re defiant. Their duty to protect their own and what’s theirs, to help, fight to maintain appearance in their own little circles. They’re loyal and bound to help each other. They have dignity. They’re tied to anger and masculinity and the confusion of youth. The same goes for being gallant, their loyalty and duty to each other and their bravery shown in a rumble or just facing the day to day struggle with a stone face. Staying cool in the face of it all. That’s tuff. That’s gallant. That’s Greaser honor.

Similar to the concept of southern honor it also depends greatly upon others perception of you than your own, it is putting up a grand tough facade. It is doing everything to protect the image you fought so hard to maintain.

It’s easy to see why Johnny latches onto and recognizes Gallant behavior. They focus more on the tough and cool and strong parts because they do in lives all the time.

Another connection is the loss of innocence, Pony has his life forever altered by the events of the book. Pony can’t go back to who he was when he left the movie house just as Scarlett can’t go back to a Belle who never knew want. The change to his person is not as drastic but it is too a loss of a place in time. When the gang was all together, happy and simple. That too is… Gone with the wind.

—

Thinking about how Pony would stop and explain civil war stuff to Johnny because he didn’t know much about it, which is so sweet not only reading aloud but explaining. But also thinking about if pony got stuck on some big old words and they just went “I dunno” and moved on.

Also unrelated but I went out of my way to find a blue cover copy because I’m a nerd. Don’t have the second copy from the Hospital giftshop though, it was a hardcover and we never get a good look.

Props to them for getting half way in 4-5 ways this book is like 800+ pages, oh my God. I’m still not completely through (have 100 or so pages) and it’s been months 🫡

[whatdoeseverybodywant]

You're the Only Girl for Me - Chapter 11

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤

All OC Characters belong to me

Series Masterlist

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January 16th 2021 - Pensacola ,FL

AirielleJones added a new story!

Airielle let out a sigh and tilted her head to the side, giving Josh better access to her neck as he dragged his lips from her mouth to her neck. “Josh, the movie.” She whispers, closing her eyes in pleasure as he sucked on the spot right below her ear. 

“Fuck the movie.” He whispered back, pulling her completely on his lap, so she was straddling him and sliding his hands down the back of  her tights, gripping her ass. 

“But-”

“Shh.”  He cut her off as he captured her lips with his, kissing her passionately. Airielle’s eyes fluttered closed as she melted into the kiss, she should’ve known they weren’t going to watch the movie.

 The second he stepped into her apartment he couldn’t keep his hands to himself. She had wanted a romantic date night but Josh had other plans. He had stepped into her apartment and threw her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, only setting her down when she pinched his but and yelled out that she made them dinner. 

She thought his horny ass would’ve calmed down during dinner, but she was wrong. As she pushed him into the chair at her dining room table, he slapped her ass as she went to the kitchen to grab his plate and hers. After she placed his plate in front of him and as she went to sit down in her own chair across from him, he grabbed her hand and pulled her to sit in his lap. She wasn’t going to lie though, it was pretty cute how they were feeding each other, even though he would purposefully drop the mashed potatoes on her exposed skin just so he could clean it up with his tongue. 

They both groaned as she grinded her hips against him, his tiny ass shorts doing nothing to conceal his arousal. He had just pulled her shirt over her head and was working on removing her bra when the front door to her apartment opened. 

“You know, you have your own room to do shit like this right.” Josh groaned and handed Airielle back her shirt as Joe and Yasmine made their way inside of the apartment. Airielle rolled her eyes at the smirk on Yas’s face and climbed off of Josh’s lap. 

“Aight, that's it.” Josh grumbled as he snatched his phone off the couch cushion next to him. Airielle peeked over to see what he was doing and chuckled when she saw that he was on the Zillow app. 

“What are you doing?” She asked as Joe and Yasmine came and sat down on the other side of the L-shaped couch. 

“Looking up apartments.” He said, flipping Joe off when he laughed. 

“Someone’s got blue balls.” Josh picked up the nearest couch pillow and chucked it at Joe only for him to catch it and throw it back, hitting Josh square in the face making Airielle and Yasmine burst into laughter. 

January 22nd 2021 - Tropicana Field

AirielleJones

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Airielle sat in catering by herself watching Smackdown on a nearby monitor. Josh was in Atlanta dealing with his custody case and Joe was starting the show so she was all alone. 

“Hey, you want some company?” Airielle looked up at… she couldn’t remember his name, but she shrugged and nodded anyway. “You remember me right?” He asked and laughed when she shook her head ‘no’ “Damn should I be offended?” She laughed this time. 

“No. I’m just sorta bad with names.” He nodded. 

“Raymond.” She snapped her finger and nodded her head. 

“Right! Raymond. Sorry for not remembering.” He shrugged as he ate some of his pasta. 

“You good.” They lulled into a comfortable silence while Raymond ate some more of his food before he started to speak again. “You be doing ya’ thing on Talking Smack. I wouldn’t be surprised if they gave you your own show on Youtube or something.” 

Airielle smiled at the complement. She was happy that people were noticing her hard work. 

“Thanks, I appreciate that.”  The table was silent again as Airielle looked down at her phone when it pinged with a notification. Raymond watched as her face lit up as she replied to whoever texted her.  He had heard that she and Josh were an item but he didn’t like to listen to gossip or rumors. He needed to hear for himself. 

“So this might be too forward, but um- can I take you out on a date.” Airielle looked up from her phone and sent him a soft smile. 

“I’m sorry but I’m kinda seeing someone.” She said before standing up from the table. “I have to go but it was nice talking to you.” She waved before walking off. 

“So how did it go?” Airielle had walked out back to Joe’s bus when Josh had called her. She heard Josh let out a sigh on the other end of the phone, and bit her lip hoping it wasn’t bad news. 

“It ain’t looking good for ya boy.” He tried to joke but Airielle could hear the emotion in his voice. 

“Josh..” She trailed off

“You know how it is Airi. Tracy got in there and started bringing up old shit from before we even had our first son, my DUI’s and shit then the judge kept bringing up how I don’t have a permanent address for the boys to visit to.” He sighed again “I just want to be with my boys and she’s doing everything in her power to keep them away from me. She won’t even tell me where they moved to. Like how fucked up is that.”  

“I’m sorry Josh.” Airielle felt bad. She knew how much he loved his sons and how much they loved Josh in return, she remembered how emotional it was the last time the boys facetimed him before their mom changed their number and blocked Josh’s contact from their phones. “Everything’s gonna work out okay, we’re gonna go see that apartment tomorrow and hopefully before the next court date you’ll be moved in and your boys can come spend time with you.” 

Josh nodded even though she couldn’t see him. “Yeah, hopefully everything goes smoothly with me getting this place cause I need to see my boys.” She awed but she should’ve kept it to herself because the next thing he said made her hang up on him. “yeah , i’m tryna get in them guts too.” Airielle laughed loudly and rolled her eyes before telling him she would call him once the show was over. 

Sorry this took so long 🫠 But we have a little back story between Josh and his ex-wife.

And if you remember the first version of this story you know how big of a pain in the ass Raymond was... lol

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤

[strawberrybyers]

for anyone who would like know where to get updates about stranger things 5 from– here’s some accounts i recommend!!

1. the official stranger things instagram account // they have a broadcast channel you can join where they post bts pics and videos. they’ll also post questions and say little comments. they don’t do it often, but when they do it’s usually on a friday lol. to join the broadcast channel: click the instagram profile, click message, then it should say join or view channel and now you’ll get updates when they post to the channel!!

2. @struniverse on instagram posts lots of different updates

3. @sthingsspoilers on instagram posts updates as well

4. @atlanta_filming on instagram posts about a lot of different shows and movies filming in atlanta. currently the person who runs the account is taking pictures and videos of sets in ohio, but when they’re in atlanta they do go to the stranger things sets

5. @hawkinsfamilyphoto on instagram posts pics and videos from the set but sometimes the media is vague like it will be something like a stop sign from the road the cast filmed on and the captions are like riddles. still recommend following them because they do get high quality shots of the sets every now and then

6. @tate.brookins on instagram is the king of content right now. he goes into the sets and takes tons of pics and videos. he also has a youtube channel (tate100T) where he posts vids of him exploring season 5 sets

7. @rossduffer on instagram will very rarely post bts stuff

8. you can obviously go search for the casts instagrams or any other social media they have to follow them. i’ve never seen any of them post bts stuff or about filming the show, but i don’t check their socials often so maybe they have, but hey you never know maybe one day they will post something lol

[p-cap-press]

THE TELEGRAPH

Peter Capaldi interview: ‘The default Doctor Who now is a kind of cosmic imp’

INTERVIEW

The actor talks about playing the Time Lord, never doing Shakespeare and releasing his debut album at the age of 63

Neil McCormick

12 November 2021 5:00am GMT

Before Peter Capaldi was an actor; long before he became celebrated as fierce civil servant Malcolm Tucker in The Thick of It or a daunting and strange Doctor in Doctor Who, he played guitar and sang in obscure Scottish punk band B-----ds from Hell. Now, at 63, Capaldi is finally about to release his debut album. “I’m not setting out to make a career change or chase my cousin Lewis up the charts,” he insists. “I’m an enthusiastic amateur having a go.”

St Christopher is a strange and beguiling piece of work, a complex slice of baroque pop-rock and ornate singer-songwriting, its widescreen productions decorated with poetic lyrics delivered with downbeat theatrical flair. “It’s largely the same stuff that was floating round my head post art school, Glasgow, circa 1979, set in neon and rain. Except I’m 40 years older.”

Sitting in a north London café, Capaldi stirs an “extra hot” latte. He’s wearing a sleek black coat over a white T-shirt, his face lean, eyes sparkling, mouth playing with a perpetual half-smile. He draws movie-star attention but blanks it out as he discusses his passion project.

“There’s a tyranny of logic about acting. Your job is to tell the story through the medium of your part as effectively as possible. But it’s somebody else’s story. I enjoy the freedom of music, you can respond to a sound or a tone or a chord and try to construct something that goes with that or against it.” Capaldi’s lyrics playfully grapple with grand themes, from the interconnectedness of everything on Atlanta Vacant Lot to the ephemeral illusions of deluded youth, on the slyly mocking Beautiful and Weird.

As a working-class child (his parents ran an ice-cream business) growing up in Glasgow in the 1960s, Capaldi was drawn to acting but didn’t feel equipped. “You go to an audition and they ask ‘what’s your Shakespearean piece?’ I’d never seen a Shakespeare play. So you’re hopeless, because there’s no uncle in the RSC [Royal Shakespeare Company], you’re not part of that world, you have nothing except a desire to have a go. So I did apply to drama school but I didn’t get in.”

A teacher encouraged him to apply to Glasgow Art School, where “music swept me away”. The B-----ds turned into the Dreamboys, with future comedian Craig Ferguson on drums. “As we were slightly pretentious art school kids, we were trying to evoke a kind of Dr Caligari dreamscape, but we just sounded like a junior branch of the Chippendales male strippers.” They soldiered on in obscurity for years. Then, while touring as support to Scottish new-wave pop band Altered Images, Capaldi was spotted by director Bill Forsyth. At 24, he found himself making his film debut opposite Burt Lancaster in Local Hero. “He [Lancaster] was fabulous. He said: ‘Kid, your instincts are terrific! Terrific! But I can’t understand a f---ing word you’re saying.’”

Capaldi with Burt Lancaster in Local Hero (1983) Credit: Alamy Stock Photo

Capaldi had a long career as, effectively, an interesting supporting actor. “You look back and go ‘Well, that was a good choice, that was a bad choice’, but really there were no choices. I had a baby and a wife and a mortgage. You’ve got to do whatever comes up.” He won an Oscar in 1995 as writer and director of the short film Franz Kafka’s It’s a Wonderful Life, but subsequent projects collapsed. “It’s a tough business. I had a very bleak period where whatever initial success I’d had had long failed. There was no work, no money coming in, Oscars had come and gone, Local Hero had come and gone, youth had come and gone. And I didn’t know how to get it back on track.”  Then, out of the blue, fellow Glaswegian Armando Iannucci asked him to be in his new sitcom, The Thick of It. “The big lesson I learnt was that you can’t control it, so stop angsting over it. But that’s easy to say now. It wasn’t easy stalking about with no money for a cup of coffee.”

It wasn’t until he was in his fifties and cast as the 12th Doctor that he achieved household-name fame. “My job was to go into work in the morning and battle Daleks. It was fabulous. You get to inhabit the skin of this charismatic, magical creature. Kids look at you and you can see their jaws drop. That’s an extraordinary position to be in.”

Yet he admits to finding the pressure of being recognised on the street quite daunting. “You have to always be positive and good-hearted. My default position is probably a bit more melancholic and reflective, but nobody wants to hear about that stuff when you’re the Doctor. I wanted to be a more distant and alien Doctor. Because that’s how I remember [first Doctor] William Hartnell, being a kid in Glasgow on dark winter nights when this strange figure with the white hair and slightly irate voice could open this portal to a magical world. The default now is a kind of cosmic imp. Which is great. But I wanted to touch the dark winter nights. I’m not sure whether the brand supports that any more, but that’s what I was interested in.”

The reign of his successor Jodie Whittaker ends next year, but Capaldi expresses no opinions on who should follow. “One of the great things about doing Doctor Who is it kind of cures you, in the nicest possible way. So I think they’re all great and I wish everybody well, but I’m done,” he laughs almost gleefully.

Capaldi as the 12th incarnation of Doctor Who Credit: BBC

The revival of his long-dormant musical career is the tale of two doctors, when Doctor Who met Dr Robert (AKA songwriter and producer Robert Howard, frontman of vintage art rockers the Blow Monkeys). The two would play guitar together at parties, and Capaldi became a fascinated observer of Dr Robert’s studio work.  Meanwhile, Capaldi’s young second cousin, Lewis Capaldi, was rising to fame as the UK’s favourite singer-songwriter. “Lewis is a proper musician, a really gifted songwriter. He’s been doing that since he was like, 11 or something. I’m very proud of him, even if I don’t really know him.”

Capaldi, who will soon be seen in the Terence Davies film Benediction, about Siegfried Sassoon, jokingly admits he still doesn’t have “a Shakespeare piece” for auditions. “Shakespearean companies have never troubled me with their interest. I know in my heart of hearts, I can act it. But once you get into a production, you are going to be up against people who have been practising the iambic pentameter for the last 30 years.” He shakes his head. “Ach, I could do it! But, you know, it’s such a palaver, they last so long, they’re always like three-and-a half hours long. I’m not bothered.”

His advice for young actors is simple. “Number one, and most important of all, learn your lines. Because if you learn your lines, you have the freedom to tell the story using everything God’s given you. Number two, hang on in there. Because the stars align, sometimes. Look at me. Sometimes you get lucky.”

Peter Capaldi’s St Christopher is out next Friday on Monks Road Records

[oneshotnewbie]

Reader usually comes to set punctually but when one day she doesn't appear and Scarlett, Florence or Elisabeth doesn't get a response to their worried messages/calls, Lizzie calls your mother. She finds out you had an car accident while driving to set and you're barely hanging on. Fast forward, you come back to filming and they take care of you. Fluff pls

ᕚ---ᕘ

Elizabeth Olsen tried to reach you on the cell phone for the fifth time this morning. It was already 9am at Pinewood Atlanta Studios and you should be awake and actually on set by now. But your calls always were forwarded to the mailbox and her desperate messages to reach you did not come through.

She was beginning to worry. It was not your style at all not to answer the phone, let alone not appear on the film set punctually like you always did. Anxiously, she dialed your number, trying to use the house phone this time, but the call was not answered over it either.

Already during the countless attempts, she was on her way to the other girls who had to shoot their scenes in the new Avenger movie and stumbled into Scarlett's trailer, with the phone firmly to her ear while nervously ruffling her hair. "Have you heard anything from Y/n?"

Both Scarlett and Florence shook their heads thoughtfully and the brunette started pacing in circles. Liz scrolled through her contacts, she hesitated briefly, then she pressed the green receiver and listened to the annoying ringing.

After the second ring, a muffled voice took the call and she could hear the other end trying to squelch some sobs. "Good morning, y/m/n. This is Lizzie. I can not reach y/n and I was wondering if you know where she is? My calls go out but she does not answer. We spoke on the phone last night and she has a shooting day that she did not show up on."

The line went silent and a queasy feeling flared up in the brunette. She bit her lip nervously, fiddling with her coat considerably. Sobs proliferate in her hearing and she did not know what was going on. "Mrs. y/m/n?"

"I am sorry," your mother swallow hard as the words fell out of her mouth in a whisper. She had intended to call your co-worker and best friend, but she had delayed her call this far. She did not know how to teach the tender soul about the news, but she could not help but pour her pure wine now."Y/n had an accident on the way to work."

"Oh my god, what happened?" she asked, drawing the attention of the other two women as well. She quickly supported herself on the small kitchen counter and put her hand over her open mouth.

"According to witnesses, she lost control of the car when a tire hit a very deep pothole." the woman on the other end of the phone said carefully, pausing at each word to maintain her composure. "She crashed into a guardrail, which was breached. She got hurled further until her car finally came to a stop in a ditch. If a nearby tree had not stopped her, she would have-"

She sighed, not daring to voice her thoughts about the horror scenarios in her head. Lizzie's suspicion was quietly confirmed, the feeling deep inside her never deceiving. The brunette wiped her face, on the verge of tears.

"What condition is she in? Which hospital?" The brunette paced restlessly on the rough carpet, trying to find her inner calm after the heart-pounding news. By now, Florence and Scarlett had gathered around her, putting their heads close to the receiver to overhear the conversation. "Piedmont Fayette Hospital. She is in critical condition, doctors are unsure if she will survive the night."

"I will be on my way immediately." She quickly ended the call and threw her cell phone in her coat pocket. With her car keys firmly in her hands so that they were already leaving marks, she hastily left the small room and drove to you, not caring an inch about her job.

ᕚ---ᕘ

The following months were torture for your family. For the first few days the doctors kept you sedated so as not to add to the psychological stress of the pain in order to allow your body to recover as much as possible. Several times a day there were threatening situations in which you had to intervene - from fluctuations in blood pressure to the correct ventilation of your damaged lungs was a constant trouble spot in the intensive care unit, which the doctors kept on their toes.

A pulmonary embolism also spread, which they first tried to solve with conservative methods before they had to intervene surgically to save your life. Even after that, the tension of your mother and your colleagues did not let up. Your blood was so diluted by the drugs that you could suffer a cerebral hemorrhage at any moment.

That evening, Elizabeth Olsen sat on the edge of your bed and held your hand. She talked to you softly, so that no one could hear her. Just like the doctors suggested to her heart. -Talk to her. Hold her hand. She needs something to keep her alive. Tell her about her dreams and goals, if you know them. She needs to want to live-

She did that until late at night. Sometimes she dozed off and slept for an hour, but at last she woke up with a startle, thinking that she felt a squeeze of your hand in hers. And sure enough, after weeks of being in a coma, you finally woke up on your own.

That was three months ago and only today you were able to go back to work. It was cold and raining and you rushed to the set with a large cake pan under your arms. You carefully walked around the puddles to the make-up trailer, the door of which was not completely closed but only ajar.

With your hand raised, you slowly opened the door and saw your best friend getting ready to play her role as Scarlett Witch with her stylist and make-up artist. "Lizzie?" you called, raising your voice to give it more expression and let it shine through the soft music in the background.

Her eyes sought the spot in the mirror that gave her a view of the door before her head was hastily turned to face you. A wide grin stretches across her red lips. "Oh Y/n I did not know you were going to show up for work today," she stammered, and as she spoke, the brunette stood up and walked towards you happily.

"Uh yeah, sorry. I wanted to make it a surprise. Even brought cake, homemade." only now did she notice that you were holding a cake tray with chocolate cake firmly between your arms that was pressed tightly against your body. Elizabeth grabbed your shoulder and gently but firmly pulled you into her arms. "It is so good to have you back."

"I missed your hugs." you sighed and snuggled up to her even tighter before you looked up at her and met her emerald green eyes. Liz looked at you too and she felt her pulse suddenly quicken. There was something in your gaze that made her very nervous. "How are holding up? Any pain I should know about?" she lifted her hand and tenderly stroked your cheek.

You felt your skin tingle under her touch and you wondered if that is how it's supposed to be when you are just friends. She smiled broadly at you and that smile made your heart beat even faster. "A little tug in my thigh every now and then, but do not worry too much. I have survived worse."

"You know I will always worry about you," the brunette replied and you thought you heard a tremor in her voice. You said nothing but still felt her hand warm and soft on your cheek.

All of a sudden you seemed to come back to reality and detached yourself from her. "Where are the others?" you murmured softly and were not impressed by your physical withdrawal, you would like to stay in her arms and feel her closeness as long as you possibly could.

"They are already on set. They will be glad to see you again."

[destinyc1020]

Tom was not just a random guy that Z could hook up with. He was the lead of a billion+ $ franchise that she joined as his endgame love interest. And it was Zs first role for a theatrically released movie. I think she would have been extremely careful to avoid hooking up with him if she was not sure about his feelings. Z and the people around her have said for years that she's an overthinker to the point of giving herself anxiety and in all her years in the industry she has not been known to sleep around. She told us that she accidentally friendzoned him giving him mixed signals so she was the one that had to finally take the initiative and ask him straight up. But when was this conversation? We do have Jacob and Haz conveniently abandoning Tom with Z and Deja to go rafting on Zs next to last day in Atlanta. And we do have that Starbucks video where it seems Deja was pushing Z to make a move. It's plausible that this was the day when Tom and Z had their conversation about their feelings, but they left everything in the air with Zs departure.

The other big clue we have are their likely anniversary celebrations at the end of September. That would imply that they decided to get together in NYC after they reunited to finish the shoot. I can see them texting and facetiming while she was gone and making the decision to try due to those conversations, just like it seems they decided to get back together through conversations they had while he was shooting Uncharted (thanks Tati for letting us know that)

Great points Anon! 😊👍🏾

Let's also not forget the Spiderman/Love interest actors dating cliché lol 😆 I'm sure TZ didn't want to be another statistic haha 😆 They were probably fighting against that attraction! Lol🤭

And let's not forget too how Amy Pascal also had "the talk" with them, and told them NOT to date rofl 🤣 I'm sure the studio knew what can happen when you put two young, nice-looking, kind, SINGLE actors together, working for long periods of time haha! 😄 Sony didn't want a 3-film franchise going to the pits just because the lead actors are now exes and can't stand each other rofl 🤣

Actors falling in love with each other (or developing crushes) while working on set actually happens way more than people realize. I mean, it makes sense, when you put two single, good-looking people together.... working hours everyday for months lol... What do they think is gonna happen? 😅

It's been happening since the dawn of time in Hollywood lol.... I've heard the stories.... especially with young single castmates on TV shows. 🤭

[magicienetreveur]

Ooh! Pynch prompts!!

This meet-cute seems fun: "being extras in a movie and having lots of fun in the background", particularly if it's a horror/disaster movie and they have to wear a bunch of gory make up. 😅

The first half of this is movie, and the second half is Christmas, because 'tis the season. I hope you like it!

What are you doing New Year's Eve?

Rating:

Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater

Dreamer Trilogy - Maggie Stiefvater

Relationship:

Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish

Character:

Matthew Lynch

Additional Tags:

Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting

Movie Sets

Christmas Party

Christmas Shopping

Hijinks & Shenanigans

Atlanta traffic is a nightmare

[hellowhisperingstars]

The Boogeyman

Summary: You’re Joseph Quinn’s girlfriend and the lead in the new Duffer Brothers horror movie. He comes to surprise you on set after months of video calls.

Pairing: Joseph Quinn x Actress/GF!Reader

Words: 1443

Warnings: RPF, Duffer level gore, Fluff, The Boogeyman

A/N: This story has nothing to do with the new movie that is coming out. This is one of two one shots that I wrote for Joe. Please let me know what you think!

You can find more of my stories on my Stranger Things Masterlist!

Or read this story on AO3!

Joe smiled as he watched you on the monitors from the directors tent as you laughed with your young co-star, Grace, who played your daughter. He was hiding from you since this was a technical scene and he didn't want you to be distracted by his presence. He had flown in yesterday, with permission from the Duffers, to the south of France so he could surprise you on set of their new horror movie. 

The movie was about a young mother named Bliss who inherited an old château after the death of a great aunt she never knew. Your character was adopted by a loving family in America after her parents died and she grew up knowing nothing of her biological family. Bliss, her daughter, Hailey, and Bliss' older adopted brother Marcus all came to the south of France to clean and sell the house, not realizing the house holds a creature known only as the Boogeyman until he starts to terrorize them.

It's been a long couple of months but from the video calls you've done he can see that you've been having a blast filming. He was glad he had convinced you to audition for the role, and had even helped you film your tapes. So when your agent called on behalf of the Duffers for the main character he pushed you to take the role, after seeing how much fun he had on the set of Stranger Things you were biting for the chance to work with the brothers. He remembered when he had to calm you one night before filming had even started.

You were excited and nervous as the time for filming drew closer. "Is this a good idea babe?" You asked as you packed your bags a week before the filming began.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Joe asked, folding a shirt for you as he sat on the bed you shared in your London flat, watching you as you paced from the closet to the bed with a few more shirts. 

"It's just I'll be gone for months. You'll be all alone here and I'm going to miss you." You said with a pout as you dropped the clothes on the bed when he pulled you between his legs with his hands on your waist giving you a gentle shake.

"I know love. I'll miss you too, but this is a big opportunity for you and I would hate for you to pass on this and regret it later in your career." Joe smiled up at you, his chin on your stomach. "Besides it's not like we'll never see each other, we'll FaceTime just like we did when I was in Atlanta."

"That's true. We'll be okay. Won't we?" 

"We'll be okay." Joe said with a nod. Letting your waist go he reached up, placing a hand on the back of your neck pulling you into a kiss. "Everything will be fine my love." 

And he was right. You had made so many great friends and memories on this set, calling Joe every night when you got in bed to tell him all about it. The Duffers didn't disappoint with this film and you were even more excited for when the world got to see it. 

"Joe! You made it!" Matt Duffer said as he walked into the tent clapping Joe on the shoulder while they shook hands. 

"I did! How've you been, mate?" 

"Just great! Your girl is a dream to work with! Thank you for convincing her to do this!" 

"I knew she'd be perfect for it!" Joe smiled as he crossed his arms over his chest as pride swelled in him as he turned back to look at you on the monitors. Even when you were covered in fake blood and bruises you were the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. 

"Alright," Matt said as he took his seat and put on his headphones, grabbing the microphone and getting ready for filming to start. "Can we clear the set please? Everyone to their places." 

Joe sat in the available chair as he watched you jog down the opulent hallway away from the little girl and grabbed the prop gas can that sat on the floor. It was a large pyrotechnic scene so everything had to be perfect. Giving a thumbs up to the camera you smiled as you got into character. 

"Cameras rolling and action!" 

Bliss moved quickly as she poured the gas from the can down the hallway towards her daughter, tossing it to the side when it was empty and ran to the little girl grabbing her in her arms and pulling her up so she sat in her left hip while she shoved her hand into her right pocket to grab the zippo lighter.

"Mommy!" Hailey screamed pointing down the hallway as the Boogeyman appeared where Bliss had just been. 

"He can't hurt you." Her mother said as she flicked the lighter open expertly on her thigh watching as the flame burst to life. Holding it out in front of her she breathed heavily as she glared at the monster in front of her. 

The inhuman wail that sounded from the beast made her flinch as she gripped the lighter tightly.

"What do we say to the Boogeyman baby?"

"I'm not afraid of you!" Hailey yelled as her mother dropped the zippo, turning away clutching the girl for dear life and running out of the house as the gas caught flame and the hallway went up in an inferno. 

The Boogeyman wailed again rushing down the hallway towards them as it caught fire. 

"Cut! That was perfect!" Matt yelled as he watched the stuntman in the Boogeyman costume be put out with fire extinguishers by his fellow stuntmen. Getting the thumbs up he was waiting for, confirming the stuntman was okay he looked over at the others in the tent. "Check the gate." 

They waited a few more minutes before it was declared a successful shot and the day was called a wrap. 

Joe clapped with everyone else as he watched you high fived Grace, gave her a hug, and a wave as she walked away with her mother for a good night's rest. Grabbing the water bottle you usually use he said a quick goodbye to Matt and made his way towards you as you searched for the wayward bottle by your chair. He convinced your assistant to give it to him before filming that last shot so he could surprise you. 

"Where the hell did it go?" You muttered as you searched your chair and bag for it. You just wanted to get to the apartment you were renting and shower before you called Joe.

"Looking for something, my love?" He asked as he got close enough to you holding it up for you to see when you looked at him. 

"My water bottle.." You said still searching your bag for a moment before his voice registered. Your head snapped up looking at him with wide eyes as you let out a shocked gasp. "Joey!!" 

He quickly placed your bottle on your chair and grabbed your waist with a laugh as you launched yourself at him. Hugging you to him tightly as he felt you start to cry. "Shh, it's okay love. Why are you crying?"

Holding on to him like a koala you buried your makeup caked face into the side of his neck as you cried. "I'm ju-just s-so happy to s-see you."

"I've missed you," Joe said, kissing the crown of your head. 

"I've missed you so much." You said pulling back so you could look him in the eye. Wiping under your eyes you blinked at the makeup on your hands. "Oh shit I'm all gross and I got you all gross. This fake blood will ruin your shirt."

"I'll buy a new shirt, love." He smiled, running a hand up and down your spine. Bending down a bit he brought his lips to yours giving you the first kiss you've shared in months. Breaking away he moved his hands to cup your face and rubbed his thumbs over your cheeks. "What do you say to a hot shower and some dinner?"

"Yes, please." You nod as you move away to grab your bag and the no longer missing water bottle before you grab his hand leading him towards the hair and makeup trailer to remove the wig you had on. "I'm starving. Oh! I can't wait for you to see the apartment!" 

"I can't wait to get you into that bed." He laughed following you with a squeeze to your hand. 

"Oh my god!"

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🦇 I Think They Love You Book Review 🦇

❓ #QOTD What's a comfort food you associate with a loved one? 🦇 When Denzel “Denz” Carter’s workaholic father and CEO of 24 Carter Gold unexpectedly announces his retirement, the competition is on for who will become his successor. To convince his family members that he’s capable of commitment, Denz impulsively lies about being in a serious relationship with his ex Braylon, the man who broke his heart. Braylon’s sudden reappearance in Denz’s life turns everything upside down. Apparently, Braylon needs Denz’s connections to the mayor to win his own promotion. So, they strike a deal. It’s all business until the funny texts & the confusing kisses leave Denz struggling to separate this temporary arrangement from the affairs of his heart. Can they fake date their way to success, or will real feelings get in the way of Denz's goal?

💜 The moment I saw that this was Julian Winters' adult romance debut, I SNATCHED this up--it did not disappoint! Denz is a protagonist you can't help but fall in love & empathize with, while Braylon is an absolute heart-throb of a love interest (I mean, the newly developed accent alone). Let's break it down:

✨ Characters: This entire chaos is beautifully diverse, chaotic, & well-developed. Each member of Denz's family has a distinct voice, but it's Denz and Braylon who steal the show. I do wish we'd seen a little more from our supporting cast (the 30 seconds of Suraj was NOT enough, because hi), but Winters did open himself up to a potential sequel (that focuses on Denz's best friend and cousin). I loved Denz's fear of failure/fear of success, the theme of familial expectations/pressures, and how you can learn from your past choices.

✨ Plot & Pacing: The pacing is steady, & any potential lags are broken up by flashbacks to Denz & Braylon's college years. There's one weird jump for me, when the fake-dating relationship becomes physical (as it always does), which is sudden & unexpected (though it does benefit the rest of the story's flow & pacing).

✨ World-Building: My biggest disappointment in this story is the lack of descriptive language during the 24 Carter Gold events. We don't see, feel, or experience as many of those moments as I'd like. The story is set in Atlanta and even mentions the area where I live, but it could have been set in any city and you wouldn't notice a difference. Denz is so rooted in his "home," both as a place & in terms of his family, but it's hard to feel that connection.

✨ Romance: I mean. Come on. This story is all heart-warming, swoon-worthy, delicious romance. If that's not enough for you, let's talk about the consent & communication between Denz & Braylon. I MEAN! Not to mention (my favorite) all the witty banter between them. The banter isn't even antagonistic enemies-to-lovers bark-&-bite wit; it's fun & flirtatious, demonstrating that the connection between Denz & Braylon still exists.

✨ Mystery/Suspense: I do wish the reason for their initial breakup wasn't revealed so quickly, to add an element of suspense & tension.

✨ Tone/Prose: Every character's voice is distinct, allowing you to differentiate between a large cast of family members. Julian Winters has a fresh & fun voice that will draw you in & keep you turning page after page. Again, I only wish the prose featured more descriptions to fully immerse readers in the story.

🦇 Recommended for fans of Fall for Him, Rachel Lacey's queer romances, or Boyfriend Material.

✨ The Vibes ✨ 🫖 M/M / Queer Romance 📱Fake Dating 💗 Second Chance ❤ Adult Rom-Com Debut 💗 Only One Bed 📱 Work / Life Balance 🫖 Family is Everything

🦇 Major thanks to the author & publisher for providing an ARC of this book via Netgalley. 🥰 This does not affect my opinion regarding the book.

💬 Quotes ❝ Why is heartbreak that one scar that never heals cleanly? ❞ ❝ Maybe this is all Denz wanted from today: a smoky kitchen, a stupid Marvel movie playing in the background, Bray wearing his sweatshirt, kissing the words “I love you” into soft lips until they’re swollen. ❞ ❝ “Do you know what it’s like to be so scared you’re going to fail that you constantly fuck up anyways?” ❞ ❝ You can spend a lifetime with someone, and they never fail to surprise you with another side of themselves. ❞ ❝ Sometimes, pretending the worst things in your life never happened is how you survive. But sometimes, you have to shatter in order to figure out how to piece yourself back together. So you can heal. ❞ ❝ “I’m better than good enough." ❞

[gingerylangylang1979]

How Colorism fuels BW/WM swirls in media

I guess this is maybe a counterpoint/companion post to this one and the dialogue started with @theonlyamazingtazmin in the comments.

That post was an ask that black women set personal boundaries around how the ship and media about the ship is effecting our well being. But an equally important conversation is why do we so often have to look to interracial couples for a well written romance for dark skinned black women. While I'm cautious about the level in investment in these pairings, I cannot deny the appeal and why it's almost a default because of how much romance for dark skinned black woman is gate kept.

My initial remedy to this frustration of how we attach ourselves to this pairing was, we need to watch and support black romance and and black tv shows and movies. But a lot of the problem is in doing just that. I watched mostly black shows in my youth and the pattern was already established of me always seeing the dark skin woman alone or butch while the lighter girls had their pick.

My favorite show as a teen was A Different World. And as ground breaking as that show was in many respects I do have to call out the paradigm it reinforced. Dwayne was obsessed with Whitley, the whitest looking woman shown on campus, and he was the darkest man shown on campus. Ron liked her best friend, Millie, a light skin girl, after that wasn't a thing it was like so crazy that he ended up with Jaleesa. His mom (the fab Patti LaBelle) kept telling him to get with the dark skinned girl with the pretty teeth, but it was like he resisted vehemently beforehand. He does, but then ends up with biracial Freddy and Jaleesa ends up with an old man and becomes a stepmom as her best option.

Back when I had HBO (I only pay for one subscription at a time and my current roommates decided to do the Disney+ package, but I only end up watching Hulu) I watched Insecure but didn't finish. I'm curious to see what happened romantically with the characters. Did they follow the same playbook? I don't want to be spoiled because I hope to continue that show one day, so please don't tell me. But I remember in the precursor to this show, Awkward Black Girl, Issa's love interest was a like pretty average, kinda lame white guy. Her black crush never panned out. I kind of rooted for her and white boy but like not that enthusiastically. I just wanted her to be loved, so tried to be into it, but honestly was like, is this her best option? I didn't finish because it frustrated me that he was her best option. Personal note: I need to finish an Issa Rae show.

Fast forward to literally as of yesterday. I started watching Queen Sugar (Hulu tries to represent black shows and movies but the selections aren't the best, if anyoen has recs, please share) because I said I want to watch more black entertainment like I did in my youth. The most recent try before this was Atlanta and I just wasn't impressed. Come to find out how douchey Donald Glover is about black women and got turned off. Anyways, I did get invested in QS after a few episodes and even cried. So what turned me off a bit and I hope doesn't put me off the show? Spoiler alert: The darkest woman, Nova, is a white cop's mistress. This isn't revealed right away. It opens with them having a sensual morning after but for some reason despite him being hot, I felt ick. Like, I predicted there was something ick coming, and sure enough she's the long term side piece. Her fine af dark skinned brother's ex is a light skinned woman and there seems to be a mild flirtation with his son's Latina teacher. The light skinned sister is married to a man about her skin tone. The aunt who is medium skin tone has a husband darker than her. So it kind of reinforced the colorism and that Nova's only option out of everyone else has to be a white man, and a white man that can't fully commit to her at that.

Now, let me jump back to why I got so invested in Richonne. I know some people probably like does this girl only hardcore ship traumatized curly haired blue eyed white men with dark skinned black women? Not intentionally, haha! But that was the most epic love story I've seen with a black woman who looks anything like me. I wasn't even expecting to ship anything on that bleak ass show. Not my fault. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough? But yeah, when I reached my adult years I kind of got tired of looking for the romance I wanted to see, that represented me, in black media and being disappointed. Because the dark skinned girls didn't get the same love as the lighter ones (or they are lesbians but that's a whole other post). I'm not saying white media isn't guilty. It's just white media when they tend to give a dark skinned black woman a romance it's with a white man if she isn't alone or a lesbian, just like black shows, but the romance tends to be deeper if it's main plot point, or at least that's what I see in Richonne and Carmy x Sydney.

I think there is a good and bad side to this. On one hand yes, give it to me. On the other is it only palatable for a dark skinned black woman to get love in a show with a mixed cast with a white man because there is still and aversion to black love for these women? It's so complex. This is why when I wrote my Syd and Carmy fic I intentionally made her ex a dark skinned black man. Carmy is mad jealous of him. It's not a real love triangle, he just frames it as one because he's insecure of her highly successful, young Idris Elba looking almost fiance, who her dad loves and is a family friend. So, of course Carmy is in his feelings. Although Syd dated white guys I didn't want the strongest competition to be another white guy. And I have Syd speak to the lameness of these other white men on purpose, on multiple occasions. She was always kind of chasing a Carmy replica but not because they were white, it's because he imprinted on her. But she chased trying to be with her ex just as hard, but for different reasons and in a different way.

Anyways, I don't even know what to expect from media at this point because often what we see onscreen does reflect reality. I'll describe myself. I'm a petite, slim curvy girl, cocoa complexion, kinky curly who often gets that "so pretty for a black girl" type compliment in the black community and from racist white people. My dating history has been mixed and mostly white (two Asians also in the mix) in my latter years by default. When I was in high school the few black boys (I went to a mostly white school) chased the white, Latina, or light skinned girls. And the few that were interested were not desirable trouble makers. One was so bad he verbally abused me in front of people consistently and then I found out he had a crush one me. No thanks, red flags galore. The first somewhat decent boy that was interested and actually knew me was my white boy best friend who tried to make a move one day. I wasn't interested, didn't see it coming, but it started a pattern. I just wanted to be his bestie because we were both film geeks, had family trauma, were loners, smoked weed, and were in theater together. It's so funny because he was a dead ringer for Leonardo Dicaprio and all the white girls swooned for him and I was like eh (never thought Leo was all that). So, no, I didn't view him as a prize romantically. But this same type thing continued with white guy friends secretly having a crush and me like not being that excited. But one day I did like one, gave it a try, and was like, ok cool, I can try this. And since then I get way more interest from white men than black men.

*Caveat, I'm currently single and don't think race has any influence on quality of men. My long term Asian ex was the worst boyfriend of my life and I'm still traumatized. Long story.

So should I be this surprised that media reflects my same experience? I don't know what the solution is going forward. Like, will media change and influence society or does society need to change to influence media?