hotdivorcee

[hotdivorcee]

[hotdivorcee]

Listen I'm aware you all want a piece of this. I understand I'm a hot commodity here on tumblr dot com. But even setting aside wealth and immortality, my husband squeezes the absolute fattest ass you've ever seen through literally billions of chimney flues every December 25th. And every other night of the year, he's with me. And somehow you hoes think you can teach me a trick I haven't seen before? Dream on.

[hotdivorcee]

[hotdivorcee]

BE MAD BE SAD BUT DONT U DARE GIVE UP

[hotdivorcee]

[hotdivorcee]

of all the phrases we used to say in the 2010s era we need to bring back ‘what the hap is fuckening’ because honestly… what the hap is fuckening lately brother

[hotdivorcee]

having audio processing issues is so humiliating like yeah i heard you and yeah i was actively listening but the problem is i dont know what the fuck you sayed

[hotdivorcee]

I think Spock could hang out with Squidward because they're the same type of cultured faggot but Squidward would get petty and mean about something and Spock would be like honestly mr tentacles I find this type of outburst very distasteful. & he would fix him

[hotdivorcee]

you have to outlive donald trump

[hotdivorcee]

The switch from Daylight Saving Time to Standard Time which will take away my glorious hour of daylight in the afternoon and give it to the early morning is just another example of how Morning People are an oppressive class in modern society

[hotdivorcee]

[hotdivorcee]

i'm a writer irl (can't say who because my agent would put me into a blender and press go) and honestly the funniest and most humiliating incident of my life was the time my finished manuscript triggered a plagiarism flag with the publisher for two lines of prose in my literary fiction novel...

.... which was word for word similar to a paragraph in a certain explicit work on FFN starring elrond and his batsman from the hobbit films, aka that one elf that looked like he ate panic attacks for breakfast (i forget his name but it's Figwit II) where the lord of imladris bends said twink over his writing desk and gives him the battering ram treatment.

and if you think i had to sit in front of one if the biggest publishing companies in the world and admit that it was, in fact, me who wrote the fic where the lord of imladris bends said twink over his writing desk and gives him the battering ram treatment in order to avoid being wrongly flagged for plagiarism, you would be absolutely correct.

(yes they published the book)

[hotdivorcee]

i hate viruses so fucking much. literally getting attacked by a fucking shape. a concept. consumes no energy. responds to no stimuli. its only existence is to fuck with you. like fuck offf

[hotdivorcee]

[hotdivorcee]

Before January 2025:

If you are a USAmerican in a relationship that might be affected by legislation that dissolves same-sex marriages, who may no longer be recognized as next-of-kin, especially if you have children, get your rights in writing!

Your marriage certificate may not be enough to prove you have rights to make medical decisions for non-biological children or for a same-sex spouse or partner.

Go to a lawyer, get it spelled out as clearly as possible that you have a voice in emergency medical and legal situations.

[hotdivorcee]

[hotdivorcee]