#like this is not a healthy dynamic. but she has so much regret about how things end

[butrememberthesong]

i have so many thoughts on the squid entity and i cannot share them with either of my Thoughts People so. skip the tags if you are avoiding endgame spoilers.

[bookuce]

Change My Mind

SUMMARY: Josh and Alina are great friends most days. Other days, they want to tear each other apart. Some days, they’re in love with each other, but neither of them will admit it. 

*DISCLAIMER: This is a multi-part series. I do not own any of the characters in the writing except for the OC. The book uses actual names of wrestlers. Josh is Jey, Jon is Jimmy, Trinity is Naomi, and Alina is Alina. The book is not realistic and does not take place during real events, but some actual events (matches, storylines) could pop up in the story eventually. I DO NOT GIVE ANYONE PERMISSION TO TRANSLATE OR REPOST MY WRITINGS ANYWHERE. THAAAAAANKS. *

PAIRING: Jey Uso x Black OC

TROPE: Friends to Lovers

WARNINGS: Language

WORD COUNT: 5.4K

PART NINE

PART TEN

Alina hadn't gone on a double date in years. Some of her favorite dates just so happened to be doubles. After Theo, it didn't happen much anymore. She had started seeing her friends less in gatherings and seeing them more alone. What Theo did ruined the healthy dynamic of the friend group and made Alina feel like she was forcing her friends to choose between him and her. She never wanted to be that friend but had to. She refused to reopen wounds that hadn't fully healed for a two-to-three-hour outing.

Yesterday's events didn't help either. Somehow, years of growth and healing went out the door once Theo chose to stir up drama. Now, her best friend won't talk to her, and their friend group's dynamic has shifted again because of him. She glances over at Josh, Trinity, and Jon, watching as they talk and laugh with each other. Alina's spent all of two years with these people. They've become her family away from home, her family period. What would happen to them if she and Josh broke up?

Alina didn't want to think about that, but because of Theo, she had no choice but to do so. She'd probably have to switch shows and relearn how to be alone again. She wasn't looking forward to that. She and Josh have been joined at the hip for a year now and even more now than ever. Losing him would hurt her more than anything--especially now that they were together. They were in too deep with each other now. 

A bump to her arm would pull her attention from the outside. She and Josh would lock eyes with each other. Dark brown eyes searched hazel ones for a moment before Josh decided to speak up. "You good?" He asks lowly. He knew she wasn't, but would she tell him that right now? No, she'd save that for a conversation later. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," She starts. "just thinking." She finishes, turning her attention towards the window again. Josh continues watching her before reaching over to grab her hand. She looked at him once more, watching as he clasped his large hands around her own and pressed multiple kisses to it.

Josh knew Alina would be hard to reach after everything that happened this weekend. Between him, her ex, and her best friend ignoring her, she was emotionally and physically exhausted. He hoped this outing with Jon and Trinity would take her mind off it all for a few hours--or at least the rest of the night. She deserved peace, laughter, and happiness, and he planned to give her all that tonight--and any other day she needed it. 

"Lina, you excited to meet our parents tomorrow?" Jon asks, causing the couple to turn their attention to him. Josh's lip curled slightly at his brother, making Jon lean back slightly. "What? She ain't know?" He asks. 

"No, Jon, but thank you for telling her," Josh says, annoyed.

"Were you not gonna tell me?" Alina asks. As soon as the question left her mouth, she regretted it. It was hypocritical of her to be upset at that, considering Lina let Josh meet her ex-fiancé and didn't give him a warning. Josh turns his attention back to her just as she closes her eyes. "I'm sorry." She sighs, shaking her head.

Jon and Trinity glanced between the couple before looking at each other. He furrows his brows at her, and she shakes her head, a silent conversation happening between the two. They didn't know the full extent of yesterday's events and planned to ask later, but with how their brother and his girl were acting, they should hold off on being nosy for a while. Josh gently nudges Alina, forcing her to open her eyes. They'd stare at each other again. "Can we enjoy ourselves tonight, please?" He asks her. 

Immediately, Alina begins to nod. "Yeah," She starts. "Yeah, I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. You ain't did nothing," Josh says, turning away. Josh looks between his brother and sister before sniffling and shifting his gaze to the floor. Alina would return her regard out the window, watching as buildings passed them by. She still didn't know where they were going and now had to worry about meeting Josh's parents tomorrow. She's been with the company for two years and never met Rikishi, nor did the twins ever talk about him. Josh spoke of his mother a lot--a Mama's Boy, this one is. 

"Alright," Trinity breathes, glancing down at her phone. The car ride quickly became awkward, and she needed a way out soon. "The GPS says we should be arriving in about five minutes." She announces. 

"Good," Jon mutters. "before they start fighting back there."

"Bruh, shut up." Snaps Josh.

"You shut up," Jon echoes, turning around again. Josh sits up in his seat. "You ain't gonna do nothing."

"Says who?" Josh asks.

"Shit, me and Theo will be twins to-day!" Jon smacks his lips at him, turning his head to laugh slightly. He points at his brother, wiggling his finger quickly from left to right. "So will that right and left eye." Alina and Trinity roll their eyes at the conversation happening. The twin brothers were bickering. It was nothing new--they've seen them fight plenty of times; they're usually okay right after. Jon enjoyed knowing he could effortlessly get under his brother's skin. He says it's his responsibility as the eldest brother to get on his nerves, but Josh would beg to differ. 

"Wait till we get out of this car." Josh threatens, prompting Jon to throw his hands up in feigning fear.

"Can y'all not do this right now?" Trinity says.

"Yeah," Alina agrees, looking between the twin brothers. "Last time, someone called the cops." She reminds them. Their fights were never serious, just a headlock and a shove here and there. If one threw a hit too hard, the other would initiate an actual scuffle. It was rare, but it happened. The brothers stared at each other in silence, one with a goofy grin, the other with a gaze cold enough to kill a man.

"Ay, listen to your wife," Josh advises, pointing his index finger at him.

"Listen to yours." Jon echoes back. Alina cut her eyes at Josh to see his reaction to the title his brother gave her. Josh glances in Alina's direction briefly before relaxing in his seat. She furrows her brows a little, glancing between Jon and Trinity before letting her eyes settle on her boyfriend. Alina half-expected Josh to scold his brother about the 'wife' comments like he commonly did, but it never came. 

The car slows to a halt, cueing everyone to look at the windows. They were in the parking lot of a karaoke lounge. Alina quickly turns her attention towards the Fatu trio in front of her. "Oh, are y'all deadass?" She asks, earning grins from everyone. 

"A family that karaoke together stays together," Jon says. "Now get your ass out of the car." He tells her. She looked at Josh, who was already getting out. Her reaction was why he didn't mention where they were going. He knew that if she found out they were going to a karaoke bar, she would try to find a way out of the date. He wasn't going to allow that to happen.

Josh made his way around to her side of the car, opening her door. She peers up at him with wide eyes. "Baby." She whispers at him. 

"Get out the car, Alina." He tells her, holding his hand out for her to take. She sits there for a moment, her mouth agape. Josh tucks his lips between his teeth, his eyes briefly going to the ground. He was trying not to laugh in her face about this, but her reaction was just what he expected it to be. She never wanted to do things that she felt were embarrassing, and now she had no choice. He was forcing her out of her comfort zone. "Come on now, honey, the driver got places to be." He says, urging her to get out. 

She glances back at the driver, who is glancing back and forth between the couple. He waited patiently for the chaotic group to leave his car, but Alina refused to let him end this ride. "How much to drive me back home?" She asks him. Josh smacks his lips at the question, reaching in to pull her from the car. "Josh!"

"Have a good night." He calls out to the driver before shutting the door behind Alina. 

The couple begins to walk towards the entrance of the lounge. Music and terrible singing are heard outside the venue, making Alina's stomach knot. "I'm not singing." She tells him, making him scoff.

"We'll see." He says, holding the door open for her.

"I mean it." She says, looking at him as she passes him on the way in.

Josh didn't believe that one bit. If he knew only one thing about Alina, he knew that with the right amount of alcohol in her system, she'd do anything. Whether sober Lina liked it or not, drunk Lina was going to be on that stage singing her heart out by the end of the night. 

She wasn't a terrible singer either. She was quite the opposite. Alina grew up in church as a choir girl, versed in the hymns of her ancestors. That wasn't her choice; her mother made her do it. She now avoids having to do it unless her grandmother asks her to. Josh knew she could sing. He's heard her sing softly to herself plenty of times before and thinks she has the prettiest voice. It was never where he was supposed to hear her. She sang behind closed doors, in the safeties of her shower, or the kitchen while she cooked, but never where he was supposed to hear her.

The group of four approaches the hostess, the older woman's eyes lighting up at them. "Well, this ain't a sight you see often in here." She says, coming around the podium to hug the twins and Trinity. Alina quickly caught on that this was a regular spot for the Fatus when they were here in Pensacola--which was strange because Josh couldn't sing to save his fucking life.

"Hey, Miss Lana." Jon greets her, wrapping her in a tight embrace before passing her off to his wife. "How you been?" He asks. 

"Good, your father was in here last night." She says. "Are y'all gonna out-perform him tonight?" She asks, moving on from Trinity and on to Josh. She notices the black eye, but she has but opts out of questioning it. The boy has gotten into fights for as long as she's known him, so picking up a career in wrestling made sense for him. What a strong warrior spirit behind that sweet face of his.

"C'mon, Miss Lana, you already know." He answers, pulling back from the hug. Miss Lana turns her attention to Alina, giving her a look over.

"Now, who's this pretty girl next to you, Joshua?" She asks. Alina holds her hand out, a bright smile on her face.

"I'm Alina, Josh's girlfriend." She says. Alina wasn't sure of the importance of this woman to the Fatus, but it did seem she was in tight with their entire family. She didn't want any negative word to get back to The Twins' parents that she was anything short of sweet. The older lady takes her hand and shakes it gently.

"Pleasure," She nods, turning her attention to Josh. His gaze shifts from Alina to the little lady again, his eyebrows raised. He had been watching how the two women interacted with each other, hoping that the family friend would approve of her. "Something tells me she's a keeper." She informs him, earning a mental sigh from the man. 

The little old lady turns away from the group, walking back around the podium. "I would be crazy not to agree." He says, reaching down to wrap his hand around Alina's. She squeezes gently, getting a tight squeeze back from him. She smiles softly to herself, her eyes finding the ground.

"Well, I'll let y'all go in. Have fun." Miss Lana says, shooing them away. Josh would begin to pull Alina into the lounge area. The space was dimly lit, adorned in purple, red, and blue lights to set the mood. Each table had candles at its center to make the setting intimate. Currently on the stage was someone singing a terrible rendition of Insatiable by Prince. The lounge was packed with people, a constant for this place. It was extremely popular with the people of Pensacola. 

They stop in front of a vacant table for four, the Twins moving around to pull out chairs for their women. Trinity and Alina sit in the two chairs toward the middle, leaving Jon and Josh to both be on the outside. "So take it slow, baby, and let's unwind!" Sings the person on the stage, causing the crowd to erupt into cheers. "Do you really want all my clothes off?" He asks, running his hand over his chest and gyrating his hips. 

Alina's eyes widen when the singer erupts into a shrill scream, earning more applause. "Oh no." She groans to herself. She turned to Josh, who was still standing next to his seat. He was watching the performer, his head moving to the song. She taps his leg, making him lean down to her height. "This was not what I expected when you said double date!" She shouts over the booming music and people. 

"Oh, you said you want a drink?" He replies. He was purposely ignoring her complaining at the moment. She furrows her brows at his response. 

"What? No, I said--." Josh turns and walks off toward the bar. Jon follows after him, leaving Trinity and Alina alone. Lina scoffs to herself. "You could've given me a heads up." She says, turning towards her friend. 

Josh and Jon approached the bar together, both leaning up against it at the same time. "Thanks for doing this with me, Uce," Josh says, clasping his hands together tight. Jon glances over at his brother, his eyes immediately going up to the bruise on his eye. He shakes his head gently.

"You gonna tell me what happened?" He asks, bypassing the appreciation his brother was trying to show him. "Did he hit you with a brick or something?" He asks. Josh sucked in a breath, his jaw clenching and unclenching while he tried to choose his words carefully.

"He had on some rings--or something; I wasn't paying attention." He answers. "All I remember is that he came over talking about some; he asked Alina to leave me and be with him. She told him no, and he followed it up with, 'Well, she told me she loved me, and I love her too'." The bartender would come over to them, interrupting their conversation. "Let me get a beer and a tequila sunrise." He answers for him and Alina; Jon orders for him and Trin, sending the bartender on his way. 

Josh pulls out his wallet, getting ready to pay, but Jon taps his shoulder. "I got it, Uce, y'all been through it this weekend." He says, prompting Josh to put his wallet back in his pocket. Jon slides his card across the countertop to the bartender. "What did you say to make him hit you that hard?" He asks after several moments of silence. "Because you had to have said something crazy." Jon assumes.

Josh gives a smug grin, glancing down at his hands. "Why do you assume I said something crazy?" He asks. Jon and Josh look up at each other at the same time. A smile grows on Jon's face. 

"Because I know you, stupid." He notes. "What did you say?" 

Josh chuckles softly. "I asked him if he thought Alina would play house with him and then told him that if she wanted to be a mother, all she had to do was ask me." He confesses. Jon stares at him for a few moments longer before bursting into laughter.

"Yeah, you deserved that shit, Uce." He says, leaning into his brother. "That's some crazy shit to say to a person's ex." He tells him. Josh would shrug slightly, his eyes averting to the drinks placed on the countertop for them. Josh reaches forward for his beer, taking a quick swig of it. "Did he draw blood?" Jon asks suddenly, his eyes on his brother again. Josh's eyes remain fixated on the beer bottle in his hand. He twisted it from left to right as he studied the label. 

He knew where this was going. Always the Devil on his shoulder, that Jon was. "Yeah." He answers. 

"So, we're getting your lick back, right?" He presses, prompting Josh to look at him. They would watch each other silently for a few before Jon pressed on. "It's only fair. Blood for blood."

"You trying to get us arrested."

"Not if provoked." He says quickly.

Josh smacks his lips at him, looking at his brother. "Man, what?" He asks. 

"Let him pop up again. He's in the friend group, ain't he?" He asks. "Alina's gonna get an invite somewhere--."

"Fuck no," He starts. "you going to have me fuck up her friendships more than I already have." He tells Jon. Despite Alina blaming everything that happened yesterday on her, Josh took full responsibility for the events of the evening. He was confident that was causing Tasha to not talk to her, and he planned on fixing it eventually. He just needed to figure out how to approach it without making everything worse, and fighting was not a solution. With one last glance at his big brother, Josh grabs Alina's drink from the counter and walks towards the table. 

Jon appears next to Josh with his drinks in hand. "All you gotta do is let me know when something is happening, I'll plan a trip to Atlanta for me and Trin, and we'll get his ass outside somewhere." He proposes. Josh comes to a stop.

"Bruh, no." He objects. "I'm not doing that to Alina." He stresses with a shake of his head. Josh resumes his walk to the table, leaving Jon blown away by his refusal to fight. Any other time, Josh would have said 'hell yeah' to beating up someone, but he was not interested in hurting Alina more than she already is. The fight that happened last night shouldn't have even happened, and he regretted even entertaining Theo's ass. Was this growth? Maybe, maybe not.

In Jon's eyes, Theo deserved an ass-whooping. What do you mean you approached his brother and told him you tried to sabotage his relationship? What do you mean you initiated a fight, your boys saved you from getting fucked up, and you drew blood? That man should be on his way to a hospital! Jon watches as Josh passes Alina off her drink. 

Eh, he just needed a little more persuading. 

"Thank you, baby," Alina says as she takes the Tequila Sunrise. Josh sits down next to her, pulling his chair to her side. His knees pressed into the side of her leg, his body leaning in towards her. 

"Yo, we want to thank everyone for coming out for R&B night tonight," The DJ starts. "It's gonna be a night of love and nothing but straight vibes, you feel me?" The crowd cheered around them. "We got any lovers in the crowd tonight?" Alina lifts her hand to her mouth, letting out her own cheer. 

She then leans towards Josh, causing his eyes to light up at the attention. "That's all you're getting out of me tonight." She tells him, making him laugh. She leans away once more, her eyes going to the stage. He taps her leg, calling her attention back to him. She leans in again, giving a quick peck to his lips.

"The next person on the list will serenade you with the sounds of Jon B. Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for Max." The DJ says, calling out for the next person in the queue. What was interesting about this karaoke lounge to Alina was how receptive everyone was to being there. The cheers of drunken patrons helped make those on stage feel more comfortable embarrassing themselves. 

They Don't Know started to play throughout the lounge as the next performer got on stage. "How y'all doing tonight?" He calls out. Jovialities break out around the room, including Josh, who only shouts to make Alina laugh, which he does successfully. "Sing along if you know the word. Clap on the beat if you don't," Max instructs them. "Heard about my past, the things I used to do." He sings off-key. Alina grimaces slightly at the delivery, bringing her glass to her lips. Maybe this will all start sounding right by the night's end if she gets more drinks in her system. 

Josh leans into Alina again, his mouth to her ear. "How are you feeling?" He asks, sending shivers down her spine. He probably shouldn't ask as often, but he needed to know. 

She glances down at her drink before turning her head to face him. "Considering I still don't have my phone?" She asks.

"You're not getting your phone back tonight." He says quickly, shaking his head. "I told you I need you here with me." He reminds her. 

She watches him for a moment, her eyes skimming over his face. "She's my best friend, Josh." She says finally. 

"I understand that," He starts. "but she could care less that you are losing sleep over her. You've been trying to contact her, and she's not answering. I don't like that." Tasha and Alina were two grown adults who could settle their differences with a simple conversation, but one refused. He could see why they were best friends now; Alina did that to them often when she was upset with him. Alina looks away from him, her eyes focused on the performer on the stage now. "Ay," He says, calling her attention back to him. "You shouldn't have had to find out from someone else that she was mad at you." He says, shaking his head gently at her. 

He was right. Alina shouldn't have had to find out that way, but she understood why she did. She would be upset too if that was her wedding and her maid of honor and boyfriend were fighting the best man during a day that was supposed to be about her. "She wants to act like this, let her. Give her her space and let her come to you. That's what I do." He says, making her hang her head and laugh. 

"That's what you do?" She asks, looking up at him. He smiles big at her.

"Yeah, that's what I do." He repeats, nodding his head. "You still here, aren't you?" He asks. She grins at his question before nodding slowly. Josh leans in, pressing a few kisses to her lips. "It's going to work itself out one way or another." He promises. 

"I know," She starts. "I'm just worried." 

"And that's fine," He says. "If something changes, I'll be here; so will Trin and Jon, but until then, be here with us. We planned this whole outing just for you." 

Alina tilts her head to the side. "And you chose a karaoke bar?" She asks. 

"Ay, it's fun. You're just hating right now cause you're in a bad mood, and that's fine." He says. "I forgive you, though." Josh looks away from Alina and to the stage. The tone-deaf singer that was up there was finally closing out his song.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the night progressed and more drinks got into her system, Alina began to liven up. She found herself singing along with the performers that were up on the stage. She sways from left to right in her seat, her right foot tapping as she does so. Yesterday's events quickly became an afterthought for sober Lina to worry about tomorrow. Lina was in a great mood right now.

Josh had walked off a few moments ago; she assumed to get more drinks, but it's been a while. She turns in her seat towards the front of the building, eyes scanning the bar for a mullet of curls. When she didn't spot them, she turned to Jon and Trin, who were cuddled up with each other. Trin had moved from her seat into her man's lap, her arms wrapped loosely around his neck. She taps Jon's arm, getting both of their attention.

"Where did Josh go?" She asks. As soon as the question left her mouth, Trin started looking around the venue. Jon did a slow turn towards the bar. When he didn't see him there, he looked at Alina.

"He ain't gone far." He assures him. Josh wasn't one to wander after a few drinks. Then again, they did get lost in Times Square that one time. He quickly expelled the thought of his twin running off somewhere drunkenly from his mind. "I'll call him." He says, removing his phone from his pocket. 

Alina snatches Josh's phone off the table and shows it to his brother. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we got a rare treat for y'all tonight in The Marina Lounge," The DJ starts. "Get ready to be serenaded with the sweet sounds of Pensacola's own, Ucey Juicey!" If Alina turned her head any faster, she would've broken her neck. I know that ain't who I think it is, she thought, standing to her feet to see over the crowds of standing people.

"Yeeeeeeet," Josh says into the mic, confirming Alina's suspicions quickly. Her boyfriend was on the stage, slapping hands with the people in the front row. He wasn't about to sing, was he?

"Good God up above..." She says to herself. 

"Ay, I want to dedicate this song to the love of my life, the future Mrs. Joshua Fatu, Miss Lina McLemore." He says, making her hang her head at the dedication. "That's my best friend, y'all, I love her." Dear God, he was about to sing. Music began playing, prompting Alina to look at the stage in second-hand embarrassment, half of her face covered as she watched her man prepare to make an ass of himself.

The crowd clapped to the beat, hyping him up more than before. He takes a sip of the Tequila Sunrise he had in his hand, which could be the cause of this performance. At what point in the night he switched to fruity drinks was a mystery to her. "I can't imagine life without you by my side..." He sings. He slurred his words together as he sang the first few lines. Alina stifles a laugh, closing her eyes to gather her composure. 

"Damn, not you got this man singing songs for you," Jon says, earning a glare from her. "Tyrese at that? That boy sprung." Trinity slaps his chest.

"I don't see you singing for me." She says.

"I'ma sing for you later. My falsetto nice." He says, sticking his tongue out. Both girls would groan at his response. Alina turns her attention back to the stage.

"Things tend to slip my mind like how you like to wine and dine, babe..." He sings, lifting the hand that held his plastic cup in the air. "Yeet." He adds. Alina giggles lightly at him, turning to grab his phone. She needed to record this. No one at work would believe her unless Lina showed them. She takes hers from beneath Josh's, switching the phone into camera mode. "Ay! Have I told you I loved you? Alina..." He sings. "Have I told you that you mean the world to me..."

Josh started to dance, letting the instrumental play for a few moments. "The song, Uce! Sing the damn song!" Jon shouts, reminding his brother to sing. 

The younger twin stops dancing, leaning over slightly to laugh at himself. "My bad, y'all--." He apologizes, looking up at the teleprompter. "Where the fuck was I?" He asks himself. Someone would shout something at him, making him laugh again. "Ay, you ain't lied!" He responds, pointing at them.

Alina turns to Jon. "I hope you know you're helping me get him in the house." She tells him. Jon cringes slightly, pulling his bottom lip down at her words. His hand goes up to the back of his neck, rubbing at the back.

"Jon," Trinity says, looking back at him.

"I'm not going to let her carry his big ass in alone, girl, damn." He says, bringing his hand to his chest. "I was just playing." He says to Trin. She leans in to press two kisses to his lips.

"And verbally, I tend to forget how much I L-O-V-E-U really means..." Josh yells into the microphone, bringing Alina, Trin, and Jon's attention back to his drunken singing. "Lately, have I told you I loved you? Alina..." Adding her name to the lyrics made her laugh. Her feelings of embarrassment began to subside the longer she watched him. 

Josh made it his life's mission to remind Alina often how much he loved her. If he didn't use words, he would express it with his actions, eyes, and hands, in silence, alone, or on stage in a crowded room full of drunken people. If he could do it on national television, he would. That man was in love, and there was no denying it. 

The song ends, and the crowd erupts into cheers again. Alina would join them, a big smile on her face. "Thank you, thank you," Josh says, passing the microphone off to the DJ. Josh came walking through the crowd, dapping up people greeting him on his way back to his table. "How'd I do?" He asks his group once he makes it over. Josh wraps an arm around Alina's shoulders, draping his weight on her body and causing them to stagger barely. He leans in to press several kisses to her lips, the taste of orange juice and tequila still in his mouth.

"You're not going to Hollywood, that's for sure." She teases between kisses.

"That's fine," He starts. He turns his head to finish the last of his drink. "I'm tryna take you home, though," He says, leaning in for one more kiss. "Give you an encore performance." Thick black eyebrows lift to help with the delivery of his words. 

"You're going to sleep when we get home." She tells him.

"Who said that?" He questions.

"Me." She replies.

He points at the stage, looking over his shoulder slightly at it. "Girl, I just sang my ass off on that stage for you." He says, looking back at her. "Panties gotta drop."

"Boy--." She starts, pulling back to look at him. She laughs softly at his words. "We are going home, and your drunk ass is going to sleep! That's final." He scoffs at her, tilting his head up in disbelief. His brows furrowed, and his top lip curled slightly. The man was shocked, hurt, sad, and possibly depressed at her rejection. In reality, he was being dramatic.

"See if I sing for your ass again." He tells her.

"I hope not." She says, looking back at Jon and Trin. "Y'all ready to go?" She breathes. 

Trin and Jon stand to their feet, both nodding simultaneously. "Yeah, we can call it a night." The eldest twin answers. "Let's get Keith Sweat over here home." He says, with a sigh. Josh lifts his middle finger at his brother, but Alina pushes it back down. She takes that hand of his, unwraps his arm from her shoulders, and pulls him towards the entrance. 

"Did you have fun tonight?" Josh asks. Even though he was heavily intoxicated, he still wanted to make sure his girl had fun. That was the goal for the night: to make sure she had fun. 

She turns to face him, a broad smile on her face. "I did."

Josh nods to himself, proud he was able to get her mind off of everything. "Good." He answers. It would get temporarily quiet between the pair as they watched each other. "I'll send you my bill since you won't fuck me."

"Josh!" She groans.

"I'm just saying."

PART ELEVEN

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: we love a good double date! i wasn't planning on this chapter to be as long as it was, but here we are. 🤭

🏷️ list: @thesamoanqueen @whatdoeseverybodywant @headoftheetable @mzv11 @southerngirl41 @yana3sworld @wanderingreigns @wrestlingprincess80 @siriuslycee @vebner37 @astridxxxxxx @alichesmi @tshepisho @scarlettnoir01 @brokenglassslippers @reignsboy19 @sayyestoheav3nn @cyberdejos2 @empressdede @sisinever @truefant4sy @paigereeder @tbmotw @fearlesschimera @venusesworld @usoholic @sageispunk @bebesobrielo @jstarr86 @vibessonvibes @issahyland @fandomphasess @evilli0s

[xjulixred45x]

OKAY! I HAVE SUCCUMBED TO THE VOICES OF MY LATEST HYPERFIXATION: LEGO MONKEY KID! UNTIL I SATISFY THEM I WON'T BE ABLE TO WORK ON ANY REQUEST! Get ready for the most absurd rants you've ever heard about Jttw, lmk AND EPIC THE MUSICAL! YOU ARE WARNED!

I find it somewhat funny how the vast majority of adaptations of Sun Wukong leave out that the Monkey King HAD A WIFE. a fucking wife that he KIDNAPPED AND FORCED TO BECOME HIS BRIDE.

She literally appears singing about this :'D before Nezha and his father rescue her.

and while I was learning about this, I couldn't help but think about the songs from Calypso, from Epic: the Musical (another recent hyperfixation) and in some way relate it to Monkey Kid.

after all, LMK's Wukong knows that the things he did when he was young were QUESTIONABLE to say the least (he literally said it) and that he regrets many things, and I wondered what his dynamic would have been like in that case with Jiaozi (his "wife ").

and that is precisely why I relate it to Love in Paradise in a certain way.

Like, we know that this Wukong definitely had good intentions, which were initially driven by good reasons, but which became more and more selfish, so here perhaps he could have brought Jiaozi to Flower Fruit Mountain as a direct response to 1- monkey logic + 2- after his trip to the west he needed a way to deal with loneliness and 3- demonic courtship is WILD.

Anyway, I can see this more (ONLY IN LMK) as a response to mourning and handling loss (the Brotherhood? Macaque? is up to your interpretation) and that he really doesn't know how to manage/communicate his emotions in a healthy way.

Imagine being Jiaozi, being taken from your comfortable princess life overnight, waking up in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE with a monkey man who is too... friendly to be a kidnapper?

Like, lmk's Wukong acts just like Calypso, with a lot of familiarity, his normal confident post-trip to the West self, explains the situation to Jiaozi (but in a much friendlier way than it really is) and she's like "uh HELL NO" but there really isn't much to do against the literal Monkey King, THE SAGE, THE EQUAL TO HEAVEN, and poor Jiaozi is having a full-blown crisis while Wukong doesn't understand why she's so distraught, don't she understand him? They have everything they want and need in the mountains!

Ironically other texts also described Wukong as a "spoiling husband who gave a lot of clothes/food/things to his wife" and that was probably the route he took after the beginning, Wukong has a lot of trash, but he was more than willing to share with Jiaozi as long as she was happy, that she wanted him back...love him Back.

He JUST doesn't understand the seriousness of the matter that KIDNAPPING YOUR SPOUSE REALLY IS...until Nezha and His Father come along.

Now, I don't think Wukong is stupid even before that happens, he would see Jiaozi's clear anguish, her sadness, the desire to return to her old life with her family, and although he consoles her and such, he is having a crisis, This is supposed to be normal, right? So why does he feel so bad when he sees her so distressed?

The glass fills slowly but surely.

I don't think he was a bad husband Per se, like I said, he was very pampering and such (maybe even Jiaozi sees him in a certain positive light, even if not as a husband, because of his good deeds of the past), but he had a big problem with taking things too lightly and not dealing adequately with his emotions.

so when he receives the ultimatum from Nezha and company, he has a very Im not Sorry for Loving You moment.

in which he does just that, he explains to Jiaozi that he let her go with Nezha, that he regrets having made her go through all this just out of selfish fear, and he very much regrets not regretting loving her even so (many years of being alone screwed him up a little head, so this type of interaction definitely marked his isolation even more in the future).

Even if in lmk Jiaozi doesn't keep track of him or anything like that, she makes it clear to him that she couldn't love him the way he wants her to love him. and it hurts, but it hurts good. because he learns from it.

(PS, it would be quite ironical if this Jiaozi marry Nezha of all people lol)

waaaaaaa I just love finding parallels between my hyperfixations, I will soon publish another one, but it will be much fluffier and from this same fandom.

(the songs that give the idea)

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

[anamazingangie]

crisis verse by AmazingAngie | Daemon Targaryen + Rhaenyra + Aegon | Rated E | 50k words total (so far!)

Summary: Daemon was pretty sure when most people had the desire to care for something, they bought a plant—not a night with a pair of siblings who were half his age. But he never regretted the decision.

They were exactly his type, with pale hair he wanted to tug on, fair skin he wanted to nip at, and full lips he wanted to crush with his own. It was arousal at first sight to say the least—but love? Well that followed pretty soon after. 

Now, if someone asked Daemon Targaryen to describe the relationship he had with the pair of siblings that lived in his house, slept in his bed, and regularly sucked his cock, he would….struggle to answer.

But he loved them more than anything, and by some miracle they loved him too. And wasn’t that enough? 

Or: A story about a domineering man and his submissive partners who want nothing more than affection and praise. ft. Dom!Daemon, Bratty!Rhaenyra, and Puppy!Aegon

Universal Pairings: Daemon/Rhaenyra/Aegon, Daemon/Rhaenyra, Daemon/Aegon, Rhaenyra/Aegon

Universal Tags: Age Difference, Modern AU, Light Dom/Sub, Bisexuality, Safe Sane and Consensual, Healthy Relationships, Developing Relationships, Fluff, Smut, All comfort no hurt, Pet Names, Sibling Incest, Praise Kink, Touch Starved, the only thing dysfunctional here is his penis

a sign of maturity (or a midlife crisis) 

Complete 2/2 | 8.2k | Tags: Verbal humiliation, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Oral Fixation, Erectile Dysfunction

Summary:

“They don't have much experience, they need to be broken in gently.”

“The girl—Rhaenyra can be bratty, but like all kittens I think after being claimed she will calm down. And the boy, Aegon, he’s a puppy already, he just needs a firm leg to hump against.”

“And since when have I been into that?”

“Since when haven’t you been into submissive things grinding on your shoes and cock?”

or: Daemon wasn't expecting what happened that night, or how it would change every night after it. But he wasn't complaining, either.

iron out the kinks 

Complete 4/4 | 17.2k | Tags: Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Sex Toys, Anal Play, Verbal Humiliation, Public Sex, Public BJ, Breast Worship, Mention of Other Kinks

Summary:

“What do I like? Well, there is nothing better than coming home from work and finding something pretty waiting for you. Or, I suppose two pretty things.” He corrected.

“I like watching movies with someone in my lap, my fingers in their cunt. Or their mouth wrapped around my cock, just a warm place for my length to sit after a long day.”

“That sounds… good,” Aegon squeaked, and Rhaenyra nodded.

“I think we are compatible, then.” Daemon said with a grin.

or: Figuring out their dynamics and limits, and realizing just how well they fit together.

a mixture of the two

Complete 1/1 | 8.5k | DAEGON FOCUSED | Tags: Dirty Talk, Verbal Humiliation, Sex Toys, Restraints, Light BDSM, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Massage, M/M mentions of other kinks, daemon's dildo collection

Summary:

Daemon knew from personal experience that no dildo, strap, or plug, could compare to the feeling of a bare cock pressing into you. It didn’t matter the size or stretch, there was a heat and roughness that was just different. 

So this was a beautiful thing, Aegon was beautiful in how he wanted to used like this, and how he trusted Daemon to be the one to use him. It was a gift he wouldn’t take for granted. And Rhaenyra? Well, she definitely didn’t mind watching. 

Or: Daemon gives Aegon what he has been begging for.

a soft place to land

Complete 1/1 | 6.3k | DAEMYRA FOCUSED | Tags: Anal Play, Vaginal Sex, Faginal Fingering, Cock Worship, Cock Warming, Oral Fixation, Erectile Dysfunction

Summary:

They kissed while she rode him, and he did his part—thrusting up into her with what little leverage he had. It was lazy, but the perfect type of fuck for a Saturday morning, and she was the perfect girl. 

And then his stupid fucking cock decided to ruin  it.

Or: Daemon's week with Rhaenyra doesn't go as planned. 

(can be read as a standalone one shot)

something really special 

Complete 1/1 | 9k | Tags: Butt Plugs, Public Display of Affection, Mentioned Public Sex, No Sex, 5+1 Things, Implied/Referenced Homophobia

Summary:

It was hard to explain how he felt about them, though he tried, given his friends inquire. 

“They have their flaws, I don’t have them on a pedestal where they are doomed to fall and disappoint me.” 

This was ironic, given that they were literally on a raised platform in front of him right now—and having sex on it, not that, that was fully relevant.

“But gods, it feels like they were put on this earth just for me. Like they are a gift that fell from the heavens and into my lap and it’s my duty—and pleasure to care for them as long as they’ll let me.” 

or: Daemon’s POV as five people find out about his slightly unconventional, and slightly kinky relationship with Rhaenyra and Aegon + the POV of someone who does not find out (something they are all extremely grateful for) 

TBC! Maybe. Dividers by @firefly-graphics banners and whatnot by ME.

[bonefall]

Any changes to Gullswoop in this? I love her so much and was so happy to see her given character this arc… I do try to ignore how disappointed I am that the Erins made her xenophobic in Sky. Strongly disagree that she’d be like that.

I'm sorry Anon, I'm completely and utterly in love with Gullswoop and where she's gone. For one it's good and healthy for the story for 'clan dynamics' to involve harsher characters, and for second, she's HILARIOUS, I love this gossip-obsessed queen and how she made fun of Shadowsight for being scared of a bee

For a background character I actually have a ton of backstory for her in BB!

[ID: Better Bones Gullswoop. She is white with black points, and red-orange eyes. She is resting her chin on her paw and grinning like a cheshire cat.]

Her name in Clanmew is Rewpiorru. Bird names are usually strange translations because of the fact that Clanmew has a TON of different words describing the flight and behavior of birds.

This is because they are a hunting culture and classifying prey behaviors, especially the way they escape capture, is extremely important.

Rewpiorru is "Black-headed-gull flying leisurely." This could have been translated as "Gulldance" or "Gullhover" or even "Gullflight."

It's a reference to her generally laidback nature. Heartstar has a love of dramatic and evocative names like this.

The ShadowClan family tree is NOT done yet, but it's so bad the entire thing is getting thrown out. Gullswoop is one of the only cats who I am 100% committed to something with.

She is the daughter of Ivytail, daughter of Fernshade and Wolfstep, niece of Blackstar.

And thank goodness for that, because having the OTHER well-known black-point cat as a famous relative is good cover for the fact her biofather was Darktail.

Ivytail joined The Kin happily when Yellowcough ravaged the camp, though she would come to regret her choice as people started vanishing.

Darktail was just an honor sire, though Ivytail wouldn't have been sure which of the Kin cats was the father if Gullkit hadn't been born looking just like him. Blossomfall's Stemkit, Plumkit, and Shellkit were in a similar boat.

For the record: Darktail was vaguely happy about this, but died when Gullkit was very young and so didn't have the time to explore those feelings.

I am still working out the Kin Drama of BB!AVoS and its related technicalities. I'm not sure if Ivytail survives the Kin ordeal or not, but I do know that at some point three litters of kits (Blossom's, Ivy's, Yarrow's) were separated from their mothers and had to be taken back.

Gullswoop is loyal to Heartstar more than ShadowClan. Even if she doesn't always agree with or understand Heartstar's choices, it takes a lot to make her loyalty waver.

She doesn't really "have political opinions" which basically means she leans Traditionalist, on the harder side.

More than anything, Gullswoop wants drama. She wants to know eeeeverything. She wants to taste all the tea.

I don't rewrite arcs until they're done, but Gull would make the perfect spy for Heartstar... which is probably why she's not involved in Berryheart's schemes despite being a bit xenophobic.

Conefoot and Frondwhisker might remain her brothers, but I can't say for sure yet. In any case, Gullswoop is FREE from Snowbird blood.

And that's Gull so far! Some of it is prone to change, especially since AVoS remains the most unsolidifed BB!Arc as of writing, but she's a background girlie I'm fond of.

[atla-confessions]

I made a post about being kataang critical but because of Katara and not Aang and some people asked for explanation.

To start: 1. I do not hate Katara, she is my second favorite character. Bring critical of the way she treats Aang is not the same as being anti-Katara. 2. Im not here to argue. Im going to explain my position for people who genuinely want to understand, but I know many people are going to see me critisize Katara and find me unreasonable for it. I dont care. Ive already acknowledged that Im pretty sure Im the only one who notices or cares about these things. 3. I wont list all of my reasons because there are many, Im just going to list a few, but keep in mind this is the tip of the iceberg.

Some of my biggest issues are that their dynamic is just not equal. For example, apologizing. There are multiple times Aang messes up with Katara, and most of the time we see him either apologize, or at least show significant regret. (Hiding the map, burning Katara, ignoring her advice about the Avatar state, running away, the EIP kiss). We simply dont see the same with Katara. The only time I can recall her apologizing is after snapping at him in the pirate episode. (Which, this is not the only time she unfairly snaps at him, but this is the only time she apologizes). There might be other times Im not recalling off the top of my head, but even if there were, its not as much as Aang.

Aang also shows multiple times a verbal willingness to change for Katara. Examples include: when he burned her, he swears off firebending and even when he learns it again, he only learns it with the context of that burn. When he upsets her with the Avatar state he apologizes and says he hopes she never sees him like that again and he does genuinely get a better hold of the avatar state after that, going so far as to simply emotionally shut down. Not including the non-verbal willingness, like when he got jealous of her (and Sokka's) relationship with Bato and their dad and realizes hes messed up, from then on Aang seems very supportive of Katara connecting with her family and of Hakoda himself, to the point of being concerned because he thinks she might be mad at her dad.

Aang considers Katara's advice a lot, even if ultimately he chooses to not use it (usually because he feels it conflicts with his duty as the Avatar). There are times he even thanks her for her input even as he tries to explain that she really doesnt understand the position hes in. When Zuko join, Aang very specifically gives every member their say and is visibly concerned about Katara, who he knows had the biggest issue with Zuko. Meanwhile, times Aang tries to advise Katara, which isnt often, she dismisses it without thought (her fight with Pakku in which he and Sokka are trying to say maybe she shouldnt fight him, and TSR where his literal only real suggestion is 'dont murder')

Katara is shown to be very willing to stand up for herself if she feels anyone has slighted her, including Aang. If it comes down to a decision between her feelings or Aang's feelings, she often dismisses his (like when he runs off at the beginning of book one, shes hurt he left and doesnt see his concerns on his failure or the need to fix it as valid, or TSR where she is hurting and since Aang disagrees with her point of view on how to handle it, she dismisses his own pain). Meanwhile, unless it conflicts with his duty as the Avatar, Aang will allow Katara to do just about anything. He doesnt say anything when she snaps at him (the pirate episode, the Runaway, TSR) and, speaking of TSR its one of the worst cases of this. Aang very explicitly says he does not consent to her taking Appa, yet when she decides to anyway he not only easily lets this go, but goes so far as to endorse and encourage her journey.

I just dont think these imbalances are healthy.

Im not saying Aang is perfect, hes made mistakes with Katara plenty of times, and I like to think Kataras behavior is only indicitive of the fact that she is a traumatized child. I like to think these things improve as she gets older and heals and her devotion grows to match his the longer theyre together. I like to imagine a happy future for them, but kataang as the show presents it makes me uncomfortable. I do not like dynamics where one character is willing to take out their anger at another character who does not stand up for themselves. (For example, when Aang snaps at Katara in The Desert, she very calmly defends herself.)

And again, this is the tip of the iceberg. I have many more reasons, and the examples I gave for each are just things I can recall off the top of my head. Each of these incidents on their own can be explained and justified and Im sure someone out there is going to be tempted to do just that, but it is when these things form a pattern of behavior that it becomes concerning. Katara snapping at Aang once is an act of frusteration, Katara snapping at Aang three times is a pattern.

And part of the reason it bothers me the way it does is that no one else seems to notice these things. Its like Aang thinks Katara is perfect and could do no wrong to him therefore we are supposed to think the same. The only people who are critical of kataang seem to be people who only use that to justify their own ship, so its never about actually scrutinizing their dynamic, its about proving Katara would be better off with their prefered pairing. I'm not a shipper, I dont want to see these two with anyone else, I just dont like the way they are in the show.

Im not going to start a back and forth on this, I promise you any justification you have for Kataras behavior are things Ive already considered. Again, shes my second favorite, I am also a huge Katara defender and, again again, dont consider these things to be stuff that makes her a bad person. Shes a traumatized child and her good deeds far far outweigh her bad, including those toward Aang (I am simply not of the opinion that being mostly good for someone justifies any bad behavior).

But in case anyone was genuinely curious to know why someone might find fault in Kataras treatment of Aang, there you go.

X

[ikamigami]

There's several reason I dislike EAPS

For one, Puppet, Foxy hasn't been as bad but what is her deal attaching Eclipse to her hip and forcing him onto the problems of another Sun and Moon when he just wanted freedom? And her sticking her nose in Sunlight and Moonlight's business? Yeah Sunlight and Moonlight's dynamic is not healthy but is shoving Eclipse(who has a lot of delusional complexes about Sun and Moon and is just pissed off at them all) and Puppet(who's pretty selfish and as delicate as a sledgehammer when it comes to handling things, not to mention she's very rude) onto it is helping? Yeah with encouragement Sunlight and Moonlight have been growing closer but it almost feels like nudging a wagon down a hill and letting it pick up too much speed, Eclipse is vicious to Sunlight and often rude to Moonlight, and Puppet is often condescending to Sunlight, our Sun had to tell them to slow the hell down because they're being too impatient, nor are they helping Sunlight and Moonlight beyond shoving them together, did they help Sunlight and Moonlight with their first day? No, and this is just one example

Second, Eclipse, I get distancing yourself from people with bad blood, sometimes that's the healthiest thing you can do, but that is AFTER acknowledging what went wrong, what this feels like is Eclipse running away to a new world and because he just so happened to find a Sun more selfish than our own he feels vindicated in his hatred towards our Sun instead of realizing how awful he was for no reason, he just gets to run away without even apologizing and instead gets to keep hating all he wants, AND inflict his anger on Sunlight and Moonlight, did it never occur to Eclipse that the reason Sun couldn't hear him was because Moon literally sealed Eclipse in a bubble so he couldn't be heard period? And when he did break out he said nothing? And did he never realize that Moon knew the whole time he was there and probably lied to Sun if Sun ever brought up feeling "something off"? And did it never occur to him that the reason Sun suppressed him was because Eclipse was an ACTIVE THREAT? And they say Eclipse is smart

Then there's Sunlight and Moonlight themselves, these two are very different to our Sun and Moon, Sunlight is a lot more fearful since he refuses to reach out to Moonlight at first because of the pain of their transformation, as opposed to our Sun who despite being scared as Moon actively threatened him on their first day tried to help Moon when Moon said he was hurting, Sunlight is also far less forgiving in that he doesn't want to give Moonlight the time of day at first and even deleted Moonlight's intro video to him and needed more convincing from Puppet to record his own, meanwhile our Sun, despite battling Moon constantly and was being abused every single day, kept trying to share with and make peace with Moon, that's what over the years slowly endeared Moon to him and he agreed to be Sun's brother, Sunlight is more selfish as he wants the body to himself mainly due to the pain, he doesn't want Moonlight there at all, meanwhile we know Sun kept trying to reach out to Moon to compromise, and the reason he tried keeping Moon away wasn't just because of the pain, but more importantly, it was almost guaranteed that if Moon was let out, another innocent person would get hurt or killed, people forget that that's why Sun locked Moon away, it was to protect another child, guest, staff member, or other innocent person from being painfully murdered by Moon

Then there's Moonlight, he's so much calmer and friendlier than our Moon ever was/is, he's almost more like Nexus when he was good and being calm with Sun, he wants to share with Sunlight, to compromise, he regrets the pain their transformation causes the other, he wants to build a relationship with Sunlight and be at peace, and he's a lot more friendly with everyone including Eclipse who's very rude to him, contrast that with Moon, who on his first day promised Sun "I'll make your life a living hell" and FOLLOWED THROUGH, for years Sun was verbally and physically tormented by Moon, being insulted, demeaned, embarrassed and shamed, Moon would activate the pain sensors to hurt him, and Sun had to death with the aftermath of Moon's killings, the reactions of people, the bodies, the blood, the grief of knowing another innocent life was murdered and he failed to protect them, all the while Moon never grieved those people, he may regret it a little now, but he admitted before he liked hurting people even without the Killcode

And YET, through these two, Sun and Moon look worse, it's not quite ass bad with Moonlight, though people may be inclined to once again think Moon was this poor victim who suffered because of Sun's "selfishness", when he was the real monster, but Sun's name is besmirched so much worse, especially with Eclipse going "that's what he was like", um…No he wasn't, then again Eclipse's view on Sun especially has always been deeply incorrect, he believed all Suns everywhere were weak and stupid until Dark Sun absolutely clowned on him, and of course Eclipse would think of Sun as uncharitably as possible, despite being in Sun's mind he thoroughly misunderstands Sun and because he hates Sun he'd never examine the fact his opinions on Sun are wildly off, it's right in how he used to talk, either Sun is stupid, weak, and worthless, or he's "just as bad as me", see the double standard? He either thinks Sun is nothing, or thinks he's just as rotten and selfish as himself and Moon, that and of course he's actively lie or say these wild inaccuracies to others to ruin Sun's name, he's done that before look at the Chip incident for one example, Sunlight is not how Sun used to be, but of course people are going to think that because boo-whoo poor Moon and Eclipse is always right and screw Sun I guess

I do hope EAPS actually goes in a decent direction where Eclipse is forced to realize all this, that Sun was never at fault and none of his behavior towards Sun was justified, that he messed up badly, and that it was all Moon's fault that he was imprisoned to begin with, an should at least actually say the words "I'm sorry", at least he apologized to Lunar, right?

You're absolutely right, dear anon 👏

You said everything right.

And these are reasons why I don't like Eclipse's redemption arc cause it feels more like regression.. people say that he didn't even heal from his trauma.. but how can he? When he doesn't even realize what he did wrong in that situation and he doesn't even reflect on anything?

People think that healing from trauma means that now poor Eclipse can be a piece of shit to others without any consequences because it doesn't look like someone in that dimension will tell Eclipse where his place is..

Eclipse can do whatever he wants as long as Puppet is content with that.. and how in her eyes this is helping Eclipse? QwQ

Like I can see Eclipse only getting worse there..

This whole idea was bad and stupid.. but uhhh it was Puppet's idea so why am I surprised? LOL

But yeah it wouldn't be pissing me off so much if it wasn't for a fact that fans believe Eclipse as always that Sun was just like Sunshine.. because they can't ever think critical when it comes to Eclipse..

I don't have anything more to add to what you said, dear anon. You're right about everything.

[lonelylonelyghost]

In Blossom: a fun mystery Cdrama

Once upon a time in Heyang city, there lived a kind girl Yang Caiwei with a scar on her face, who respected the dead and distrusted the living. Then she met a man Pan Yue, who was as beautiful as he was dangerous, and her life became a total shit show.

There is a proverb about marriage being good for men's health but terrible for women's. And in this particular case the saying was proven to be correct, because Yang Caiwei dies literally on her wedding day...

... but actually not really.

You see, right before the ceremony she was kidnapped by Shangguan Zhi, a rich woman fixated on two things and two things only: her own beauty and Pan Yue.

Shangguan Zhi swapped her own face for Yang Caiwei's in order to marry the object of her obsession. The procedure was finished just in time for the wedding (insert a joke about miraculous plastic surgeons in Ancient China here), but unfortunately the only thing this stunt brought this poor delusional girl was her own brain splattered on the stairs. Woops.

So now Yang Caiwei, with the face of her almost-husband's stalker forced upon her, has to investigate her own murder. The biggest suspect is Pan Yue, who conveniently returns from the capital to Heyang city a couple of months later after the "death" of his wife, engaged to a princess and with white streaks in his hair that could not possibly be due to grief.

And thus the shenanigans ensue!

And I liked this drama a lot!

The pacing

is great. This is a crime solving drama, and the cases that our characters investigate are actually quite unique (and messed up), there's no dragging out the details. The general flow of the drama is fast too, and while there is tension and mystery where it needs to be, the kinds of misunderstandings that usually are getting on the viewers nerves are resolved quickly. As an extremely anxious person, I appreciate this on a spiritual level.

The cinematography

is absolutely gorgeous. It's main character in its own right. It's gorgeous, gothic and brooding, just like our ML.

(the screenshots I have are mainly of ML, but what can I say except you're welcome)

The characters

are also great.

Yang Caiwei is a mortician, and the fact that she is now in a body of a spoiled rich girl doesn't deter her from continuing doing her job and finding out the truth behind her case and many others that she encounters on the way.

Pan Yue is a magistrate in Heyang, which is kind of like a head of a government investigation agency or something. He's cold, two-faced, smart as hell and terrifying when you get in his way (especially at the start), but is ready to do anything for a person he loves - which are the most attractive qualities a fictional man can have, fight me.

Also, look at him

Once the actual story begins, those two go through several stages of their relationship - from mutual suspicion to respecting each other as fellow justice-driven professionals to working together but this time as a couple. And all of the stages are enjoyable to watch in their own ways. I loved how they respected and trusted each other's judgements and abilities. A power couple with a surprisingly healthy dynamic between them. Awesome.

Other characters are interesting as well. There are many people that we encounter in Heyang and beyond, good, bad and something in between, each with their own goals and motivations.

The episodic characters featuring in the cases are not flat cardboard cutouts either, and as much as Chinese censorship would permit, even the villains are allowed to be people with justifiable reasons to be the way they are.

*********************************************************

To be completely honest, I hesitated to even start watching this drama because of all the negative stuff I've heard. But thanks to talented gif-makers on here and @hils79's watch parties, I was tempted enough and finally clicked on the first episode. And well, I didn't regret my decision! And I actually finished the whole drama without any breaks, which is a very rare thing for me.

If you try you can pinpoint many faults in this drama, no doubts. But I'm personally just looking for a good time. For me the characters were great, I vibed with the acting, and the cases were an appropriate amount of bonkers, so...

It's up to you, dear reader

This has been your friendly ghost from Abyss, with some recommendations on how to distract yourself from the horrors of existing（*＾-＾*）

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

your reblog reminds me!! i read your fic about betterment jeremy and didn't leave a comment cuz i don't have a proper ao3 acc and i forgor! and!! i realised that i didn't read the last chapter so i reread the whole fic in full so i can properly gush about it in your inbox right now!! so behold. semi coherent thoughts about your beloved creation.

chapter one! i like the way the story begins so close to canon in shape and mood, set pretty much right after the epilogue but how you expand further and further from it in shape and form that canon in its media restriction cannot show.

in the first two chapters you see the story through jenny's eyes, you really get to sympathise with her feelings - the longing for normality, for everything advance has stripped from her. and since she can't get everything back she needs to get her friend back from them. it's all good intentions, really. jenny just wants to help him. she just wants him to heal. but she is running out of patience (understandably so, but still not proper treatment of someone who's severely traumatized)

as i was rereading chapter 2 and particularly jeremy's breaking point i realised something i haven't quite caught on the first reading. back then i thought he mainly cut himself off so suddenly from the strain and shock of this sudden break in general - the mind catching up with his mouth and nerves at last, the sudden realisation and fear at loss of control and the consequences that may bring. on my second reading, i realised that he specifically cut himself off when it came to his experience at betterment, and with the headache that follows that was more specifically a response to suddenly recalling repressed traumatic memories from betterment. which is even worse.

so, chapter three. i should note, torture and brainwashing in the context described in the fic and as implied in canon is a topic i often find really triggering. i think this is why i didn't read the third chapter when i was reading the fic the first time around - i was worried it was going to get really uncomfortable for me. but i am glad i returned to it, i didn't regret it in the slightest. you struck a good balance for Me Specifically and so i ended up with most thoughts for this chapter

so we get a peek at jeremy's mind and how fractured it is, which is really poignant at this point:

"From then on, Jeremy had always been acutely aware of death. He felt it again the night Disrupt attacked, abducting him, forcing him into hiding. And again, when he snuck his way on set, determined to break the news to the world about-

… about nothing. Nothing that would promote any sort of good in the world. That’s what The Nightly Show was for… Unity, community, sharing the country as a Team. And he nearly ruined all of it, for what? For a few extra seconds in the spotlight? He lost the rights to that when he first lost control of himself."

the breaking point. the before and after. and yet what we see is that he wasn't doing mentally well "before" either. the state of mind that jenny wants him to return to is not a healthy one - something she isn't aware of.

but it gets worse!

the ENDING,,,,, my god the ENDING....... i looooove the ambiguity of it. the underlying dread of possible scenarios this may lead to. i like how ultimately jenny fails (falls, one might say. the third chapter mirrors the song so muchhhh)

it's a very interesting twist on jenny's character and their overall dynamic. i was hoping for a happy ending, i do love my whump, but it's so much better to have the expectations subverted. because of course. of course they both have been hurt and poisoned by the system too much to go back and call it "healing". both of them can't help themselves and they can't help each other. ultimately jenny can't accept jeremy as himself anymore, she doesn't see pre- and post-betterment jeremy as himself anymore. it destroys jenny to see jeremy in such a state and she destroys him in turn.

i might've forgotten something so forgive me if this isn't fully coherent or a bit jagged.

i love your mind.

printing this whole ask out so i can cut it out and put it on the fridge and then take it off the fridge and then eat it and then print out a second one and then cut that one out and then leave it on the fridge this time.

ABJ is the only thing i have left in this stupid baka world and i am SO GLAD that people have been having so much fun with my better jeremy fic. i noticed that there was hardly any content and i wanted to fill the niche, but i had no idea how much positive reception i would get from this simple (i say simple, it's three whole chapters) fic!!! i still do think it's one of my better fics i've ever written and published, just in regards to pacing and nuance.

speaking of nuance, just for you, as a little treat, here are some things that were either invisibly implied in my work, or was stuff that i was going to add that i decided against. just for you. because i'm feeling whimsical and pretentious:

though with time they'll heal, originally i was going to make a point to bring up that jeremy still had a few bruises from his time at betterment. jenny was going to help him take off his shirt- since he was sweating through it- only to see the blemishes, as well as how much weight he's lost. i ended up cutting it for time, but jeremy's canon weight loss is something that's super important to me and it drives me crazy

though it wasn't (originally) intentional during his treatment, betterment found that a good way to control jeremy's thought process was to convince himself that everything bad in his life could be pinned on him. he's a very cynical person, and naturally is picking at the cracks and finding the bad in every silver lining. it's just in his nature. advance found that, if they turned this methodology back onto himself, it makes him way more receptive to external ideas when he feels like he can't trust or listen to himself

this has grown into a bit of a streak of self hatred, which wasn't the intention, but it was utilitarian, so they kind of left it as is. i think my favorite example of this is this quote right here, where he doesn't consider his actions as being a threat to himself despite the fact he was pointing a gun at his own fucking head

when jeremy initially loses his temper in chapter two, you're right to observe that what snaps him back to his bettered self is the thought of his treatment at betterment. but also, i made a point of implying that jenny's reactions also really fucking gutted him.

the two worst memories of his life were during the heatwave, and during his second abduction (any other worst memories surrounding betterment specifically are probably repressed). in both of those instances, one of the most mortifying things was seeing jenny frightened. even when he tried his best to be gentle with her during the heatwave hostage situation... he hurt her. scared her. he never let himself live that down. and scaring her again ricochets him back to that moment with such a painful clarity that it knocks the wind straight out of him.

if i had written this after i had gotten the inevitable advancements ending, i for sure would have found a way to rewrite the ending of the nightly show portion so that jeremy sings the national anthem. i also definitely think listening to it was a part of his advance exposure therapy. he knows the words by heart.

speaking of his time at betterment, jeremy spent a lot of time just. on his own, i feel like... not around other people, not being enriched in any meaningful way... when deprived of any sort of enrichment, he's more susceptible to any little scraps he can get his hands on, even if its propaganda. this is another reason why he's so infatuated with the tv, i think. it's popcorn entertainment, sure, but it's also a little luxury for him... and now he can have it whenever he wants...

[goldeneyedgirl]

This is kind of a random question, but I thought about that while reading your story Variable Stars, more specifically that scene in which Alice decides not to kill Peter and Charlotte. If it had happened, how Jasper would've reacted? Or, in a canon version, how do you think he would react if Peter and Charlotte were killed (not by Alice but a nomad or something)?

Ooof, Anon, you woke up and chose violence. We'll start with Variable Stars.

So, in Variable Stars, Alice sees Peter and Charlotte and kills them quickly and moves on.

Jasper is extremely close to both of them in Variable Stars because he is alone - no wife. It's kind of a cocktail of soldiers in arms, paternal, and brotherly. Like an older siblings raising a much younger sibling. So when they stop visiting and communicating with him, this is scary. Jasper has always had Peter at his back and for Peter to vanish... he spends a lot of time trying to find them. Obviously he never does, and because of where Alice found them, no one else (Maria) knows what happened either.

That weighs on Jasper terribly. That they found themselves in a fight that they could not win. He hopes they died quickly and together. But because he cannot confirm their deaths, there's always a little piece of him that hopes that they're still out there. He's much quieter and more serious by the time Alice joins the family.

It's quite a few years later that Edward puts together Peter and Charlotte as some of the vampires that Alice killed during her Rebellion Years. He does end up telling her what she did, and Alice is broken that she did that to Jasper. She considers a visit to Volterra to have herself destroyed but Edward tells her that the last thing Jasper needs is to lose another of his people.

She does tell him, and it changes them. For mental health reasons, Jasper has to separate the idea of the Alice that killed Peter and Charlotte with his Alice. Is it healthy? No! Is it necessary for him to live his life? Yes. Their relationship is fundamentally changed, and very bittersweet; Alice spends the rest of her life essentially trying to keep Jasper as happy as she can to make up for her terrible mistake, and Jasper has to live with that constant cloud of self-loathing and regret that surrounds her.

In canon, oh boy. (Also, anon, if you want Charlotte and Peter and Jasper drama, can I recommend going to talk to @flowerslut? Maybe subscribe to her new fic Roots? It's insanity and is a fucking vision into the dynamic Jasper has with his people and his past. 11/10, A+, six seasons and a movie. But I digress.)

In canon, Jasper would be on the war path, and Alice with him. Jasper would hunt them to the ends of the earth and remind their killer why Jasper's reputation precedes them. Both Alice and Jasper have a violent streak, and even if the deaths weren't planned, the killer would regret ever touching Peter and Charlotte.

And then I think Jasper would grieve heavily, and probably seek out solitude for that grief; he'd definitely retreat from the family a little. Peter's friendship and loyalty shaped who he was and who he got to be so much that there would always be a hole where his brother was. That Jasper couldn't protect Peter or even save Charlotte for Peter would weigh very heavily on him. I can see the darkest point being Jasper resenting the Cullens because if he'd been with Peter and Charlotte they'd still be alive, and maybe even resenting Alice for not being able to see their deaths so he could have protected them.

Alice has no real reference point for the grief of death or strong relationships outside her immediate family that we're made aware of in canon, so I can see her struggling a little knowing how to support Jasper in that kind of grief at first, but ultimately just being present so he isn't constantly alone and brooding. I can also see her struggling with the void that Peter and Charlotte have left behind.

I can see her gently reminding Jasper that even if they weren't with the Cullens, everything falling in place so that Jasper could have protected Peter and Charlotte is pretty unlikely. And I think she'd observe the fact that she didn't see their deaths indicates it was just one of those terrible, unplanned moments; there was no grand plan to assassinate them, no grudges or agenda. Just a series of choices made in the moment.

She's gifted, not a god.

Ultimately, Jasper is no stranger to pain. He'd be a little sadder and a little quieter, and possibly cleave tighter to the Cullens because he's now without alternative allies. He'd be even more protective of Alice, but he'd keep going and keep Peter and Charlotte as a very, very sacred memory.

[ionlydrinkhotwater]

IWBFT meta: The Arks 1st person perspective

I love how Alice plays with 1st person perspective in IWBFT and the extra stories especially when it comes to the Ark.

First to keep in mind is that the week, we as the audience, are introduced to the Ark, they are not doing so well. All of them are stressed over the new contract. Being famous is a nightmare. Listers addiction issues are getting out of hand, Rowan and Bliss are in a rocky place and Jimmy is starting to regret their success. So it obviously colours their current relationships with each other as well. What's also clear from the bands timeline is that by becoming famous together at such a young age, their friendships aren't just friendships, they are also coworkers and the expectations one has towards one's coworkers is very different from one's friends. They are still navigating those dynamics and given that Listers friendship with Rowan and Jimmy was still relatively new in comparison to when they hit it big (about 2-3yrs old, they've been co-workers longer to be honest) this impacts his relationship with them as well since work has taken over the majority of their lives at this point.

In IWBFT we get Jimmy's perspective on his friends and the bands relationships with each other. I think the mistake a reader could make though is to assume that his perspective is the objective lens on how the boys operate with each other because Ghosted very much shifts a lot of what we were lead to assume by giving us Rowan and Listers POVs

Now there are some things at all three boys know and acknowledge in their POVs like that both Rowan and Lister are closer to Jimmy than they are to each other for example.

However Jimmy says that Lister and Rowan argue alot but in Ghosted we het context that both Rowan and Lister are pretty clear that these swipes at each other are largely banter and play fights for the most part.

Both Lister and Rowan may not have deep talks often but their blunt words are actually quite refreshing, in a better context it could even be a healthy dynamic that the two can shoot straight from the hip with each other. And though they don't share many similar hobbies they both love video games and bond over it.

Another thing to keep in mind is that Lister told Rowan about the studio lady before he ever told Jimmy. And although Jimmy has known Rowan most of his life, it's only in Listers POV that we get a hint that Rowan might have some legitimate mental health issues that he hasn't yet come to terms with. This is big because there is a suggestion, that Rowan and Lister minimise their own issues to help Jimmy with his. But this results in Jimmy having a blind spot that the two of them dont have with each other. Also Rowan knew about Listers crush on Jimmy first. Jimmy wouldn't know some of these things cause Jimmy was not a part of these conversations or revelations. Case in point when Rowan reminisces about how during a sleepover when they were kids Jimmy fell asleep first and he and Lister stayed up watching videos and giggling together. Jimmy wouldnt know about these moments cause he isn't part of them. And its clear Rowan and Lister love each other they say it outright in Ghosted. And his own dynamic with them would shield him from some of these things.

Throughout Ghosted the pattern seems to be that Lister and Rowan start bickering, then have some moments of insight but before they can really pursue it, work interrupts. Lister mentions in Ghosted that Cecily cares about them but doesn't really show it and perhaps once she leaves the big label to become their manager exclusively, she may be able to form a more close relationship with them, maybe not, it's up to her but she will be less pressured by the labels to keep them at arms length

One thing I saw a lot was people critiquing Rowan for not taking Listers predicament seriously enough when they were searching for him in the woods. But some things to keep in mind are that he and Lister had a relatively nice night together chatting, that he only saw the beginning of Listers drunken binge and that he was not present for Jimmy and Listers talk where Lister admitted the Jowan photo was his fault and was in a really bad headspace. Also Jimmy does tend to catastrophise, it just so happens in this scenario that he was right. I think for Rowan he was also slightly in denial the same way he is for his own mental issues and the way he brushed off his own assault by a fan that he didn't realise how serious it was until they found Lister in the stream and was in part convincing himself that Lister was okay because he needed to believe that too.

I imagine if there is a sequel, this might haunt him. But I don't think he should be criticized for not taking the search as seriously as Jimmy initially did because he didn't have the same warning signs.

Rowan says in Ghosted that he has to be the responsible one and it's sort of true, he feels pressured by society to embody Black excellence while having to wrangle his wayward friends. And it's cost him alot, he lost Bliss and he was assaulted by a fan. He even finds he's very pleased to be comforted by Lister since its so rare and one imagines hes really needed it. He's at the end of his rope, he snarls at Lister and Jimmy, Jimmy snarls back and Lister just walks away to drink. The embodiment of this is near the end of the book when Rowan and Jimmy get into a screaming match and Lister surprises them both by shouting at them to stop fighting then wanders off to drink. The issue is that while Jimmy and Lister tell the audience and openly demonstrate that they are not doing well. Rowan insists through gritted teeth that he's fine but he is obviously not. I also think that's why Lister seems to cut him some slack, when Rowan yells at Jimmy, Jimmy yells right back and they hit low, cause friendship is beautiful but it's also ugly when you know the other person so well you can hit em where it hurts. But even when Rowan snaps at Lister with admittedly low blows, Lister doesn't retaliate, he laughs or leaves. But I think it's cause Lister can see Rowans 'fucked up too' and in a rare moment of acting his age (he's the eldest of the trio) and emotional insight and intelligence, he allows Rowan to throw a snit without escalating, he let's the kids (Jimmy and Rowan) fight it out, to an extent he still ends their fights if it gets to far both in Meeting Lister and in IWBFT, on the flip side he also may not feel secure enough with them to hit as low as they do and all of these things can be true at once.

What is excellent about these three is that that they feel real. They can be self absorbed, selfless, hurt, strong, mean and sweet by turns to each other and this is so legitimate in friend dynamics.

The Ghosted POV also reveals that Lister did not realise that he was the source of the Jowan photo until the day he confessed it to Jimmy. At first I had wondered how long he knew and kept it to himself but Ghosted shows that he figured it out at Pieros and confessed that very day. Because he never thinks about it in Ghosted and he would have as he confessed to Rowan about the bathroom kiss.

Lister says that he took the photo in a low moment of loneliness and drunkenly sent it to some friends and that one of then leaked it. But he didn't recall that the photo was originally from him until he was scrolling through his old photos.

The sad thing about Lister is that one of the reasons he drinks, other than to not have to think about his past trauma (sexual assault, bullying, poverty) is to numb the guilt he feels over some of his irresponsible actions (the suitcase photo) and that same drunkenness leads to more irresponsible actions (ex: taking the jowan photo and forgetting about it leading him to joke about stalkers that cranks up Jimmy's anxiety and makes him feel unsafe in his own home) which leads to Lister drinking more in a vicious cycle, leading him to jeopardize his friendship with Jimmy and Rowan as he fails to hold their trust.

What's huge for all of their growth is at the end where they decide to put themselves first over their jobs. It's big for Rowan who was made to undermine his own and his friends traumas in order to get the job done

Going from: " I'm sure being seen as a sex object is quite irritating, but we all have shit to deal with in this game" (the use of the term game has so many layers to unpack) and telling a stylist to cover his brick wound with makeup "You can put makeup on it; it doesn't hurt that much" (like honey no let it heal, take time off oh my god). To "‘No more of this … being pressured to do things. Being manipulated and forced to act in a certain way. We need to stand up for what we want. What we all want. The new contract can literally go and fuck itself.’ ‘Yeah,’ murmurs Rowan" like this is what they need. Keep in mind both Lister and Rowan saw Jimmy unraveling and still went on with work, Jimmy and Rowan both knew for a while that Lister has a drinking problem and still went on with work. Rowan even says in Ghosted that he and Jimmy need to talk to Lister about his alcohol issues before he ends up in the hospital but it'll have to wait until they sort out Jimmy, the irony. Throwing work away to look after themselves is what they all NEED and sadly it came from hitting rock bottom (for Lister literally).

If there is a sequel I look forward to seeing how their relationship will evolve now that they can refocus on their friendship without work getting in their way.

[harajuku-cookie]

IkeVamp OC Profile: Carina

The Beloved Songbird “Wherever I may go, the melodies will always follow.”

Name: Carina Sakamoto Pronouns: She/Her Voice: Nana Mizuki Birthday: May 3 Race: human (becomes lesser vampire later on), half-Mexican/half-Japanese Hair: Long, wavy pink (light mauve) hair Eye: raspberry Skin tone: olive Extra Features: hourglass figure with large bust Orientation: pan

More info about her under the cut!

Notes: •Eldest daughter to a Mexican mother (Milagros Pilar) and Japanese father (Tadashi Sakamoto), both actors/theater performers. Also has a younger brother named Kou, both of them were born in Japan. •Her parents met in Paris for a theater production that they were taking part in and fell in love and eventually got married. It was a whirlwind romance, but it felt like fate to them and to this day they're still deeply in love. Even though it was a little unstable to raise children while traveling, they made it work. So Carina and her brother grew up surrounded by the performing arts while being homeschooled. •She traveled a lot growing up because of her parents' careers and started acting in various productions, movies, and TV shows since she was little. This is also where she developed her love of traveling and learning new languages because she wanted to be able to communicate with others wherever she went. •Classically trained in opera like her mother as well as piano like her father •Knows a little bit of most dances. Usually when a role calls for dance, she works hard to learn the type needed. And sometimes when her family have get-togethers, they all love to dance for fun. Some of her favorites are ballet, paso doble, flamenco, waltz, and ballet folklórico. •Since her brother, Kou, works as a music producer and composer, they tend to work together and collaborate on music •Instead of being a travel agent like the canon MC/Mitsuki, she is a theater performer/actress and singer who doubles as a travel vlogger. She travels a lot for her work, so she loves to save her memories via video recordings and an online blog, especially to share with her extended family back in their home countries. •Grew up in a healthy family, her parents being the best example of a healthy relationship. They always made sure to teach her and her brother how to be kind and respectful of others, to always communicate clearly, to never let anyone talk down to them, and stand your ground. •Her nicknames are "Cari" and "CariBear" because she loves bears (also a play on Care Bear). Some people also like to call her "Cupid" because of her hair and eye color reminding them of the colors of love and how much of a romantic she is. •Knows self-defense and is pretty strong despite her stature. Also has a black belt in taekwondo. •When she goes back in time to the 19th century and decides to stay there, she eventually adopts a Pomeranian and names her Oso ("bear" in Spanish) •Shipped with Isaac. The best way to describe their relationship dynamic would probably be like “golden retriever and black cat”, with Carina being the bubbly social butterfly who helps Isaac out of his shell (but never pushes, always gives him a choice and space when he needs it), while Isaac is the calmer, more introverted of the pair who helps Carina enjoy and appreciate the peaceful quiet moments together. •She does make a contract with Comte to become a vampire within a year of her and Isaac’s relationship. At first Isaac felt really conflicted with Carina's decision to become a vampire. On one hand they would have more time together, which he loves since he loves her so much. On the other hand, he's worried about the possibility of her becoming an aberrant like him. It causes him grief to be one and he doesn't want her to go through the same thing and regret her decision. Although he's unsure, he does realize that ultimately it's her decision. Carina hears Isaac's concerns and understands where he's coming from and offers to come up with a plan in case the "worst" case scenario happens. She reassures him that if she does become an aberrant, she'll find a way to work through it. Plus they have the support of Comte and the others, so they'll be okay. After talking it out some more with each other and then with Comte, Carina finally takes the plunge and becomes a vampire, and to Isaac's relief, is a normal lesser vampire just like the others. It's a bit of an adjustment period to get used to her new form, but he and the others are with her every step of the way.

Extra Note: Outfit is still pending. I may go with the one on the in-game avatar, just in warmer colors. I just wanted to add a picture in for reference.

[skitskatdacat63]

oc ramble:

Noir is so funny to me bcs she's like genuinely a terrible person who's done terrible things, but is also surprisingly well adjusted in many other ways. So much so that she's basically "reformed" two other ocs into being better people, people who are at least now more comfortable with life and themselves, simply by virtue of having the capacity to show love and care comfortably and openly. Her dichotomy is just funny like, goes from being feral at the chance of ripping someone's throat out and getting bloody, and the next second being like, omg I can't believe how little care you have for yourself, let me bathe and feed you!!

I guess its bcs she grew up with a loving family(a rare thing among my ocs) and she's fucked up just because she's fucked up, not because her environment, y'know? So like, yes, she commits unspeakable acts of violence. But she's also so caring and so genuinely loving in a way that comforts people. Rüß is only the way she is now because Noir kept pestering her all the time and broke down her walls and made her into the person she always should've been. And uhhhh her relationship w Eclipse is fucked, but also the way she shows love unabashedly and wholeheartedly leads to such trust between them, despite past grievances. I just think it's interesting. Such an open, loving person alongside others with such severe trust issues and emotional detachment. And someone who actually cares about taking care of herself. Maybe it's not a great thing to feel zero shame and regret about your actions. But would that not be an admirable thing to someone who feels shame about everything?

I think if you were only acquaintances(*not from work tho lmfao, very important to note), you'd probably find her to be very normal and admirable. Like, wow, now here's a women who has her shit together. And then people who truly know her are like uhhhhhhh. But then again, even people who know both sides to her find it hard to reconcile these parts of her that seem at odds. She's all wolf-like and feral and covered in blood, and then goes home and does her skin care routine and cooks herself a three course gourmet meal.

Her and Eclipse is just such an interesting dynamic in this way particularly. Person who probably rightfully should feel shame/regret about things she's done, but doesn't, and rather feels comfortable and at peace with herself vs. Person who feels undeserved incredible shame/regret about about everything since birth, who then goes to do terrible things as well bcs its all pointless, isn't it? Neither of them are correct or healthy people but again, someone who is comfortable with themselves would be incredibly admirable to a person who just can't do the same. And in that way, begins to feel more comfortable themselves bcs they know the other is never going to judge them and loves them wholeheartedly.

Lmfao I know this won't make any sense to anyone other than me but!! Wanted to ramble bcs im thinking very deeply about this recently.

[halfagone]

...I have such complicated feelings about the Anger Management ship. This isn't to say that I don't like the ship (I do, I actually adore it) but I happen to be very nit-picky about the execution and dynamics that I'm always super hesitant to read new fics with these two as the main pairing.

(If you plan on reblogging this, please do not put the crossover fandoms or the ship name in the tags. This is a rambling essay, not a purposefully antagonistic vent about other people's writing style or preferences. I KNOW not everyone likes or dislikes the same things that I do, and just as they are due their own opinion, so am I.)

To be completely transparent, I don't think Jazz would like Red Hood. Oh, I think she'd absolutely adore Jason, but I don't think she would like Red Hood. I honestly believe that if she found out Jason was Red Hood sometime later into their relationship, she would want to take a step back and think things through. This isn't to say that she would break up with him because of it, or hate him suddenly now that the truth is out, but it's one thing to find out your boyfriend is secretly an anti-hero vigilante, and it's another thing to find out your boyfriend is secretly a crime-lord who beheaded EIGHT PEOPLE and stuffed their severed heads into DUFFEL BAGS to send a message to Batman. It's one thing to find out your boyfriend doesn't get along with his family, and it's a whole other thing to learn your boyfriend beat his adopted brother brutally and PAINTED THE WALLS WITH HIS BLOOD without ever meeting him first and based on information he hadn't even found out firsthand but was given to him by a woman that was purposefully stoking the flames of his anger and hatred to make things easier for her son.

She knows Jason a little more personally now, so she's aware of the layers to his character and history so she has a better understanding of what his motivations might/could be, but that doesn't lessen how HUGE of a shift in perspective this could be for her. It'd be worse if Jason hasn't expressed any regret for what he did to Tim, especially considering Red Hood supposedly protects kids but went along and beat Tim so viciously anyways. You can't even use the excuse that Tim is a 'child soldier', when Jason is just as willing and ready to use that same excuse when he gripes about how terribly Bruce treated him or Bruce's supposed lack of grief and regret over losing Jason. It doesn't mean what he went through was any less terrible, but it does make him a hypocrite.

I feel like they would have to steadily overcome this obstacle, and I do honestly believe that Jazz would implore him to get therapy to help him, and if he didn't agree, she would be seriously concerned about their relationship. Seeing as Jason has also inherited Bruce's miscommunication (or general lack of communication) and poor coping mechanisms.

Of course a lot of this could be outright avoided or fixed in the background, but I don't find that it happens a lot? Or, if it does, it's never properly explained? I can understand if it's a short fic and all that background plot points can't be properly addressed in the short amount of time, but when it's a longer fic I always feel like it's a missed opportunity NOT to have and/or show more growth in Jason as he learns what a civilian relationship (hell, a healthy relationship in general) is actually LIKE after losing so much of his life to his need for revenge.

Which kind of leads up to my next point... I'm very nit-picky when Jazz is shown to be super BAMF and always ready to throw down. Jazz has always been badass to me, but I always felt like her type of strength always relied more on her intelligence, sharp wit, and most of all her compassion. She's a good shot, and she's always willing to step in physically if she feels like it's necessary, but violence has never been her first choice. She wants to be a psychologist/psychiatrist - for her to constantly be willing to roll up her sleeves and punch someone out is not conductive to a working and trusting relationship between a doctor and their patient. Or between most people, in general.

(Another thing! I feel like Jazz would believe that people deserve second chances. While she might agree that someone like the Joker might be beyond saving (something she might agree to with great hesitancy and reluctance), she wants to believe so badly that people can change for the better. This could be caused and/or linked to her childhood, and how her parents never spent time on her and Danny but she was desperate to fix their family. Which could be the reason she got into psychology in the first place. For her to admit that some people can never change, would be like Jazz admitting that she wasted the early formative years of life trying to fix a broken home all for nothing. This, however, would cause more contention between her and the Red Hood. Can you tell I don't think they'd get along?)

However, this sort of personality and behavior is very reminiscent of someone else. That person of course being Danny himself. Danny is the one that's often throwing himself into fights and roughing it up before thinking twice. When he grows up, he might learn to rein it back in and think things through more, but I find it strange that the exact opposite it applied to Jazz's character when she has already succeeded with a balance of careful forethought and affirmative action. I like when there are differences between their characters, I like how they differentiate and balance each other out. I like how it shows their opposing thought processes and principles.

This does lead me to my next point... Liminal!Jazz is very hit and miss for me. Giving her ghostly qualities not only takes away some of the things that make her unique to Danny (it sucks too because I adore how Jazz is so sympathetic and tries so hard to understand what Danny is struggling through, it really shows how supportive Jazz is and has always tried her best to be). It particularly irks me when it's explained that this is caused by ectocontamination when Danny supposedly never had those same ectocontamination effects BEFORE his Accident? When he was similarly contaminated for all of his life as well. Technically speaking, their parents should be contaminated too in order to make the reasoning consistent. But most of all it... and I hate to say this, but I feel like it cheapens Danny's tragic death. Danny went through SO MUCH and suffered excruciating pain and now whenever he looks in the mirror he will never see the same human kid he'd once been, while Jazz didn't have to suffer the same thing or even CLOSE TO IT and still got those same physical characteristics. ESPECIALLY when the reasoning feels hollow. And even I hate how I can't get into the concept because I've seen the headcanon utilized in some pretty inventive ways! Nonetheless it still bothers me and I see it so much that I find that I have to outright avoid so many fics to get away from it. The premise of the fic itself might interest me but the concept bothers me THAT MUCH that I just can't.

And a lot of this is connected to how Jazz is so often characterized or shown in conjunction to Danny. De-Aged!Danny fics where Jazz takes care of him are really cute- god knows I love a good baby!Danny story- but I feel like these fic concepts don't give Jazz the opportunity to shine on her own. When I heard people complained about where Danny was in Elizabehta_Beilschmidt's Friendly neighborhood vigilante (and yes I know what her @ is, but I am PURPOSEFULLY not tagging her), I was honestly SHOCKED. I loved that Danny wasn't really around. That might sound harsh, but I came for a Jazz/Jason fic where these two were the main characters. And who we, naturally, should spend the most time with.

Most of all, Jazz's whole personality and life should not be based on babysitting/caring for her little brother. Especially in a lot of these fics when Danny is an adult of his own. Danny has been shown to take care of himself even at fourteen, if he's eighteen or even in his twenties, that shouldn't have suddenly changed. Jazz should not have been forced to take care of her younger sibling to begin with, for her to be forced or feel obligated to continue and spend more of her life unnecessarily worrying and fussing over her brother is not fair to her. I hate to separate them, but their lives take them in different directions and it's not healthy or fair for them to curb their wants and dreams to satisfy their desire (and perhaps even codependency) to stick together. It's both adorable and heartbreaking in kid!Danny fics to see how she continues to hold strong and try to do her best for him, but she already spent so much of her life doing that. Let her have time for herself and her interests and her cute boyfriend GODDAMMIT!

So yeah. I have Complicated TM feelings about Anger Management. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[herwrittenuniverse]

Thoughts on Rayllum Post S4

Last week, I posted a chapter of my story Lunation and got some pretty divisive comments. It got my wheels turning and before I knew it, my fingers were flying, and I ended up writing something small an essay on Rayla and Callum's communication at this point in their journey.

I'm going to put it below because I feel like people may disagree (which, by all means, you are free to do so and keep scrolling without reading). Click below to read more.

Are you sure you want to read?

There's still time to turn around!

Alright then!

Also, please feel free to sound off in the comments or reblogging.

Edit: Adding this one because I feel like this blog is making its rounds and it needs to be said. Let me make this 100000% clear that this post is not to blindly defend Rayla in any way. Her actions (lying/leaving) in TTM were awful (and I talk more about that below). However, this post is a reaction to some comments on my story - comments that made me realize that there are those in the fandom that believe her actions are (especially to Callum) unforgivable - that no matter what Rayla does, says, or thinks in future seasons, she will forever be at fault for leaving, and doesn't deserve to reconcile with Callum.

Original Post:

I didn’t realize how much of the TDP Community takes serious fault in (ahem, hates) post-TTM Rayla. Last week, I posted a chapter of Lunation (a fanfiction/character study of what would happen if Rayla and Callum actually talked post S4) where Rayla and Callum try to talk about things. In my story, Rayla realized how much she truly hurt Callum, and while she attempts to explain herself, she ultimately apologizes, realizing her actions hurt Callum more than she could ever imagine. Callum, who is still blinded by anger and repressing a lot of his feelings, lashes out at her. It makes them both explode and nothing is settled between them (until later chapters - but that’s a different post).

Obviously, I am just a fan, and I am using this work as a creative release. But I take pride in proper characterizations - I want to be sure each party member is behaving like they would in the show. And, on top of it all, I am spending my free time putting genuine love and devotion into something purely because I enjoy it.

But many of the responses on the chapter really left me scratching my head, and quite frankly, made me…sad. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and that is not the issue - I understand you can’t please everyone. I was genuinely upset because people seem completely ignorant of the absolute trauma Rayla has been through. Readers called me biased towards Rayla (with no sympathy towards Callum), called Rayla toxic, said they want Rayla to "truly regret her decision and actually apologize," calling my interpreted apology disingenuous because I used her family dynamic as one reason why she would leave to protect Callum (and honestly, likely also because she didn't grovel at Callum's feet). 

I am not saying what Rayla did in TTM was right - actually, I think the opposite. Rayla’s response was definitely not healthy, and it wasn’t correct, and there were more plausible options. Yet having been through trauma myself, I understand Rayla’s actions. When TTM begins, we see how Viren has taken away literally everyone Rayla has loved - every parent she’s ever had,  including (in a way) Ethari, who is not dead but is forbidden to see his foster daughter due to the fact that she is a Ghost. 

Rayla left to protect literally the last thing that she loves in life - Callum, and probably Ezran too (but remember, she saw Callum encased in ice along with her parents and Runaan in TTM). Through Seasons 1 - 3, Rayla is self-sacrificing, rash, and guilty - her choice to leave, while not right by any means, aligns with her character that we have all seen through Seasons 1-3. 

Again, was her decision right? Nope. Was it correct? Absolutely not. But those were Rayla’s actions, and at the time, she felt it was right and justified, which again fits into her character. In S4, we see Rayla come back empty-handed, and frankly, that shows growth. She realizes that her attempt was fruitless, and hence returns. It sure looks shitty to Callum because she has nothing to account for - and at the beginning of S4, he seems justifiably hurt, angry, yet still hung up on Rayla. So yes, Rayla’s return is incredibly hurtful to Callum - but let’s not forget that it was likely also hard on Rayla. She is both a prideful and honorable creature, so returning to Katolis empty-handed had to be one of the hardest things for her to do, especially with nothing to account for. No one likes to admit they’re wrong, especially about something as big of a decision as that. That is not to take away from Callum’s pain - it is just as hard and traumatic for Callum. But I think members of the TDP Community are forgetting that it’s hard on Rayla too. 

And Callum’s ire is understandable. However, my interpretation from S4 (and from his short story 'Inheritance') was that for two years, he stuffed down all his feelings and made everyone around him miserable. At this point, those around Callum have been dealing with him wallowing for two years - and now, the love of his life is here, in front of him, and he is still choosing not to address anything with Rayla. He is withdrawn, and has been for the past two years. Rayla's return is essentially forcing him to finally process what has happened. That’s why I decided to explore Lunation. S4 gave us no resolution with Rayllum, and it had the gears in my brain going. 

Some people are also saying that Ezran and Soren should be loyal to Callum because they know him the longest, and that they should be more angry with Rayla (both in the show and in Lunation). Yet I see Soren and Ezran as mediators, both in the show and throughout my story. Yes, they’ve seen their friend/brother desperate for nearly two years because of Rayla (which I’m sure gets tiring in itself). Now Rayla is back, but Callum is not taking any means to move communication forward. This is plainly addressed when Ezran and Callum speak in the Drakewood (“Lots of things are hard, like magic. But you figured that one out.”) and when Rayla and Soren speak on their ‘adventure’ (“When you left, you hurt him - real bad.”). It is natural that Ezran and Soren are not going to have the same bitter response to Rayla that Callum had because A. Their love/relationship with Rayla is different, and they have likely already processed what has happened. B. It is not in their nature to be inherently angry or bitter (Ezran, especially). C. I would like to think that, at this point, they want to see Callum happy. I am sure they were angry and mourning Rayla in their own way, but Callum would be the most affected by Rayla’s departure. 

Let’s also not forget…that Jack DeSena (when being interviewed about S4) himself said that Callum repressed his feelings during the two year absence, and dove into magic. 

And again - in case you didn’t read the first or second time I said it - Callum has every right to be angry. But remember, these are conflicting emotions that Callum is suppressing. He loves Rayla deeply, but is also angry and hurt. Still yet, he hasn’t talked about it or addressed it, even at the end of S4. A person who is withholding all these feelings is going to act angry, bitter, moody, and likely lash out - we saw evidence of all of this in S4. 

But…those of you who are anti-Rayla seem to miss the fact that Callum is still in love with her. He never stopped loving her - not ever in these two years. But he still has these repressed, unspoken emotions that are going to burst through, and that is what I wanted to explore in Lunation.

I deliberately made their conversation drawn out and slow, starting right from Through the Surface (my fanfic that takes place before Lunation). They’ve been slowly getting there, bit by bit…because if you’ve ever tried to repair a relationship (especially one where both parties are hurt), it takes time. That’s one reason why I liked S4, as Rayllum wasn’t addressed at all. Why would it? While it was disappointing to Rayllum fans, it was a perfectly normal response. It is not realistic for a couple to just pick back up after two years and pretend like nothing happened. 

And ultimately, that is the point of Lunation - to show that relationships are messy, are not linear by any means, and that in order to make it work, there needs to be communication, and communication is freaking hard. 

As a bonus, for those of you insisting “But Rayla hurt Callum! Rayla doesn’t deserve to go back with Callum! How can you ever go back to someone who has hurt you?” To you, I say this: it is painfully obvious that you have not had any complex relationships, life experiences, or the ability to empathize. It seems like you’ve never had someone you hurt (or they hurt you) terribly , only for the love to remain ever present. Truly, it must be nice to live on a plane of reality where things are so black and white. But in my reality, life is not black and white. Life is messy, and love is the messiest thing of them all. 

And, on top of it all, these are fictional characters that do not exist, and I (along with several other creators) am writing fanfiction out of free will and my love for the show. I don’t get anything out of this process (including writing this rant/blog post). So if a person doesn’t like my interpretation of these characters and this story, that’s cool - but you can say your opinion kindly and without aggression, or simply close out the tab and decide not to read. 

And hell, write your own damn story if mine makes you so angry.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Feel free to sound off in the comments.

[outrunningthedark]

Right there with ya on the way people label the Buckley’s grief as wrong! Yes, impact does matter, but sometimes you have to take into account intent. This doesn’t mean the Buckley’s haven’t done anything wrong and there is no reason for their kids to be upset with them. There is. There are many reasons for them to be upset. But it also doesn’t mean they can’t be forgiven. They can’t do better. Or that Buck and Maddie shouldn’t want them in their lives. Maddie and Buck both realize this. They both realize why their parents were the way they were. It’s even been said, they weren’t bad people BY MADDIE. It’s like these people just want Buck to kick his parents to the curb and say “ya know what, fuck off and fuck you.”

[TL;DR. This always happens with this story line. Oof.] It’s like these people just want Buck to kick his parents to the curb and say “ya know what, fuck off and fuck you.” - This is the heart of it, for sure, and I can definitely understand the fandom (made up of younger viewers compared to the GA) wanting to have their own complicated feelings towards their parents validated; there's plenty of people who have that "I'd cut you if I could, but you're my ____ and it's not that easy" mindset - myself included! Being physically disabled means *having* to depend on people that didn't/don't always like me. But the redemption arc isn't the problem. It's that Kristen didn't follow up on that family dynamic for TWO YEARS. She didn't accidentally come to the conclusion that the Buckleys should to be better the next time around. She made a deliberate choice not to even give them a mention for TWO YEARS so the audience could get a status update and be more prepared for the version of the Buckleys we would see in 6x10. Her explanation was that 4x06 (the therapy detail) clued us in to the effort happening off-screen: "They've spoken on the show about Buck and his parents trying to do some therapy. And so we just wanted to revisit those parents and see how that relationship with their children has progressed." I don't know what's going to happen with the Buckley parents a year from now, but if even Oliver has no current reason to assume things are gonna go to shit (and he's gotten all the scripts) - "Just because their relationship has been so fractured in the past doesn’t mean that there’s no room for reconciliation, and certainly seems to me like they’re on a path moving forward now where they can slowly start to build a really healthy parent-child relationship" - then I'm sticking with *my* current belief that this story line isn't about the parents as much as it is a (definitive) shift in the story and a lesson on not taking time for granted: - Buck and Maddie are no longer those little kids trying to live up to their parents' expectations, trying to do everything "right" to earn their approval. Holding onto that pain is not going to help them be the best versions of themselves. Buck cannot fully embrace self-love and self-worth if he still dwells on whether his parents regret his birth. Maddie can't raise a daughter to the best of her ability with Margaret's voice in her head making her second-guess her capabilities/decisions. These are their lives and they're finally taking control. - What Oliver said relates to my second point, that the show makes a habit of using the parent-child relationships to say "It's never too late to change." You don't have to hold on to grudges. You don't have to keep hate in your heart. And you certainly shouldn't act as though there's "no point" in reconciliation just because the thought of confrontation or showing vulnerability scares the crap out of you. If mending fences is important (as it appears to be for the Buckley sibs' peace of mind) then...take a chance before there's no time left. (Buck forgiving his parents NOW is because his subconscious feared he was dying. It might have been his only chance.) And ftr (because I feel like this is also part of where the annoyance stems from) I'm gonna repeat that unless the Buckley parents become mains - which they won't! - the standards aren't changing, and this episode told us that. Buck forgave his parents in an episode where the father-son dynamic between he and Bobby was on full display. That's still who he's gonna go to when he needs advice because Bobby is a CONSTANT presence, Bobby will ALWAYS be able to understand Buck in a way that Phillip cannot because of the years that family lost to trauma. Choosing not to revolve his life around the ways his bio parents did him wrong/influenced his behavior does not and will not in any way lessen or alter the already-established bonds he's created with the 118. It just means he's READY TO LET GO.