#like this is not a healthy dynamic. but she has so much regret about how things end

[butrememberthesong]

i have so many thoughts on the squid entity and i cannot share them with either of my Thoughts People so. skip the tags if you are avoiding endgame spoilers.

[kingsoowolves]

what comes after: (im)perfect for you | l. at

part one (w/ Sungchan) | part two

pairing: Boyfriend!Anton x fem!reader

word count: 19.6k

author's note: Wrote this while listening to a lot of Ariana Grande, her new album just got me addicted. I feel like the song eternal sunshine has lots to do with reader’s memories of her relationship with Sungchan whereas imperfect for you and ordinary things perfectly encapsulate how she and Anton love each other. I also threw in some references from bed chem, by Sabrina Carpenter, for the anon who asked for it a while ago. This is for everyone who requested part 2 and some vengeance/justice for the reader. Thank you all for the kind comments and for caring so much for this story. I hope you guys enjoy this and love this couple just as much as I do! Happy Anton day! ❤

contents: Smut, fluff, a bit of hurt/comfort. 10 years time jump, ex-fwb!Sungchan cameo, regretful!Sungchan. Descriptions about messed up family dynamics, depression, anxiety attacks, taking meds and going to therapy. Insecure!Anton, mention of a safe word, possessive/jealous sex turned soft in the end, Anton talks about Sungchan during sex. Vaginal fingering, oral (f. receiving), squirting, vaginal penetration, petnames, reader sucks Anton's fingers like 3 times. Anton (lovingly) refers to reader as a "whore" once and as a "little slut" in another instance. Supreme aftercare!!! Anton and reader are so sweetly in love it gave me tooth ache — a bunch of praise, i love you's, healthy conversations, understanding and being silly with each other. And a happy ending, YAY!

extra info: This can be read as a standalone, but you might miss some backstory + clues from the first part. for the complete experience and understanding, I recommend checking out part one.

taglist: @shotaru-o @yoursyuno @dreamiestay @tonspresso @maripositaa @strawbrryvyy @hanniehq @sushimilks @severefireangelprune @kkyiu

you can also read this work on my ao3, if you'd like!

You’ve never been one to party much.

Although you did spend some years in college fooling around in parties and enjoying your youth, after graduation you’ve mostly stuck to bars, restaurants and small friend’s gatherings. When you finally hit thirty, the occasional affair became even more rare and you found yourself enjoying your time more inside your own home, either alone or with the ones you love.

But not tonight.

Tonight, you’re celebrating finally landing the promotion you’ve been aiming for for the past two years and you’re doing it in style. You’ve worked your butt off to get it and finally it paid off. You were already in talks with your boss for the past month about getting the higher position, but the news officially got delivered this morning and you signed the addendum to your contract in the afternoon, going over all the bureaucracies necessary so everything could be set in for next Monday. So you haven’t been able to meet your friends and commemorate it yet.

That’s why you’re currently at the most expensive nightclub in Seoul, texting your boyfriend to let him know you’ve just arrived. You send him your real-time location so he can find you inside the club and he replies saying he’s on his way. Then you move to your friends’ group chat, doing the same with them. You’ve just hit the button to send them your whereabouts, getting distracted while staring down your screen, when someone collides with you. Your arm brushes harshly against the person’s arm and some of their drink falls into your hands, also wetting your phone. You curse silently and shake your arm off, trying to get rid of the liquid as the person turns to you.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” a man’s voice says. You catch his silhouette in your peripheral vision while you look down to your phone, automatically trying to clean it on the fabric of your skirt. “Oh no. Here, let me help,” he offers, resting his drink on a small circular table near you and reaching for some napkins. He grabs your phone and starts cleaning it. “I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.”

You watch his knuckles while he wipes the device clean. Once he’s done, he hands you the phone back with a couple of napkins that you gladly take.

“Thank yo—” you try to say, but your voice gets stuck in your throat as you finally glance up to look at him.

He has a gentle smile on his face, seemingly distracted and ready to reply when he gazes back at you. He also pauses for a bit while his eyes scan all over your face, with no doubt recognizing you back.

And then, with a stunned face and wide eyes, he asks, “Y/N?”

No way.

There’s no damn way you’ve just stumbled upon Jung Sungchan nearly ten years after that dreaded ending of your relationship. 

But it is him. Standing right in front of you in all his aggravating glory, at the club on the night you’re supposed to be filled with joy and nothing more.

It can only be a joke from destiny or God himself or whatever. Whoever’s the one who orchestrates the spinning wheels of your life must be having a pretty big laugh right now. And they are the only ones.

You sigh whilst you meet the soft brown orbs you haven’t seen for quite some time, feeling your heart constrict inside your chest. Looking at him, it’s hard not to get lost in awful old memories and all the trauma you already unpacked. But you decide that you won’t let this ruin your night. You’ll treat this brief encounter exactly as it is: a brief encounter. Nothing more.

As long as it ends right freaking now.

So you set your eyes hard and nod at him politely. “Sungchan,” is all you say, already moving to walk away from him. He doesn’t let you get very far, though, his hand closing over your elbow and stopping your steps.

Of fucking course he wouldn’t let you off the hook so easily. He never did before.

He seems almost suspended in the air, glancing up and down at you with his mouth slightly open while his fingers grip your skin firmly, no matter how much you try to pull your arm away. In another time, this action would drive a thrill through your spine. Right now, it only makes you feel annoyed and angry. So you rest your shoulders square and give him a pointed look. “Do you mind?” You say, looking at your arm and then back at him. 

He does the same with his eyes, glancing to your arm and then back to you. Finally clarity takes over his features and he releases you, cleaning his sweaty palm on the front of his jeans after. “Sorry. I was just shocked — I am shocked. Wow, I haven’t seen you in so long. It’s nice stumbling into you.”

You fight the urge to roll your eyes, choosing to give him a closed lip smile instead. “Yeah, well… I actually have to meet someone, so—”

“Wait,” he exclaims suddenly and you flinch back before he even thinks of touching you again. He notices your reaction and switches back to his normal tone. “Sorry. I just wanted to catch up with you, you know? Like, how have you been? It’s been too long.”

It should’ve been longer, is what you think. But you’re still a polite woman and would not say something like that, even though that’s the phrase burning on the tip of your tongue when you finally access him. You wouldn’t walk away from him when he so clearly wants to chat either, even though that’s what you want and what he deserves. Alas, your parents raised you well enough to at least give him a proper reply. 

“I’m great,” you say, curt and final while using the napkin still clutched in your hand to rub at the liquid he spilled on you. It smells like whisky, you realize. After cleaning yourself, you toss the crumpled napkin back at the tabletop he found it on. “You?”

“Yeah, I’ve been good,” he says, his voice wavering a little bit, high pitched and then low. Your hesitancy towards him and your little intention in staying in conversation with him is probably obvious by now and you’re sure he catches it all from your answer with how his cheeks flush and his arm goes to the back of his head to scratch at it.

Before you have a chance to make an escape again, he continues. “You look different — good different, I mean. Fuck, sorry.”

Seeing him this helpless, you can’t help the smile that forces its way on your face or the laughter that follows suit. You’ve never seen Sungchan so out of place before. He’s being so awkward, stuttering and apologizing over and over again. And it’s all because of you, for some weird reason. It’s kind of pathetic. A little endearing too, but mostly pathetic.

You cover your mouth to save some of his dignity and compel yourself to stop laughing. “Sungchan, that’s like the fifth time you apologized to me in under two minutes,” you say, giggles still bubbling on your throat. “Just be chill.”

Sungchan smiles at you, his features softening because of your laughter. “Sorry, I just—” he says, and your giggles break free again because of the new apology, interrupting him and making him laugh with you.

Once the mirth dies down, he tries again. “I guess I’m just nervous. And you’re not helping. You’re looking at me like you want me dead.”

“Well, I kinda do,” you reply back and he narrows his eyes at you like he’s analyzing if you’re joking or not. You quickly quell his worries by giving him a soft smile, deciding ultimately to take it easy on him. Keeping up the tough act would just drain your energy. It’s not worth it. “Sorry, that isn’t true. But it’s not like we ended things on good terms, so can you blame me?”

At your words, Sungchan makes a remorseful face, putting a hand on the front pocket of his pants and casting his eyes down. “I know. And it’s all my fault.” Then he looks up like he had the greatest idea in the world, gaze glinting whilst he steps closer to you. “But what if you let me buy you a drink and hopefully we end things on a better note this time?”

The end of his sentence kind of stuns you. You can’t quite believe that, after all this time, Sungchan is flirting with you. But of course he is, because it’s Sungchan. He’s showing all his telltale signs, too — bulging his arms slightly, lowering his voice, poking the tip of his tongue out to wet his lips then giving you a cocky smile, checking you out like he wants to eat you alive, his free hand hanging too damn close to yours. Unfortunately, you’ve come to know all of his tactics after falling victim to them one too many times.

His eyes are eager and hopeful whilst he waits for your response. You feel like an owner dangling a piece of meat in front of his pet, taunting him with something delicious while still not giving him anything. Finally, after all this time, you are the one in control.

But as much as your ego is being stroked, you don’t want any of this. Not anymore. And it’s been like this for a long time.

“No, thanks,” you reply simply.

Two seconds pass until he registers your answer and his smirk vanishes, the corners of his mouth turning down and self-doubt filling his eyes. He starts to say something that seems like another apology, but at that point you’re not hearing nor looking at him anymore. Because that’s when you see him.

All clad in denim and with his fresh neck-length black hair, your boyfriend is making his way through the mass of people in the club to reach you, your gazes finding each other at the same time. You instantly feel calmness seep into your veins, the slight discomfort provoked by your meeting with Sungchan vanishing and being replaced by excitement while you hold your breath until he reaches you. When he’s a mere meter away from you, you step around Sungchan to receive him.

“Hi, love,” he greets with a beautiful smile, stopping right in front of you. “I know, I’m late. Sorry, I got caught up in—”

You leap on him before he has the chance to finish his sentence, arms going around his frame, and he stumbles back because of the knock of your bodies together. He chuckles, winding his arms around your waist as you hold him closely against you, nestling your head between his neck and clavicle.

“I missed you, too,” he says with laughter still in his voice and grips you just as tightly. You bury your nose on his neck and inhale his soft woody cologne. Peace and happiness run through your whole body at rapid speed. “Fridays in the hospital are always crazy and the line to this place is insane. I’m sorry I’m late.”

You shake your head as you pull away slightly. “It’s fine, baby, you’re here now.”

That’s when you really look at him. The royal blue of his denim clothes suit his complexion and the black belt with a silver buckle around his hips compliment the look. His shirt’s sleeves are folded nicely up to his elbow, showing off his pretty forearms. Everything combined with his long hair and accessories give him a soft rocker aura that makes your mouth water. 

It’s honestly unfair how extra good-looking he looks tonight. You feel the need to pounce on him right now, but you have to settle for giving him a peck and tugging on some of his strands while standing on your tiptoes.

“You look so good,” you whisper when your lips separate.

“You look so good!” He says, his eyes moving up and down your frame. “Real damn good! You got that Shiny New Miss Editor look!”

He moves his mouth to yours again and you smile against his lips, and then he’s spinning you around in his arms. You laugh loudly, hiding your face in his neck while his hands grip your hips, your legs dangling under you. After he completes three circles, you hit on his chest and ask him to stop, getting dizzy from happiness and being whirled. He puts you on your feet back and you try to balance yourself on your legs as he holds you up, pressing multiple kisses to your face. At this point, you’re laughing so much your cheeks start to hurt.

“I’m so, so, so damn proud of you, baby,” he says in between his stream of kisses. “Congrats, my love.”

“Thank you, baby,” you reply giggling, rearing back slightly and trying to escape his lips’ attack on your face. But he just follows you, still connecting his mouth to your skin repeatedly and making you lightheaded. “Wait, baby, I can’t breathe properly.”

Only then he stops, looking down at you with a huge smile on his face. You recompose yourself, putting your hair back into place and straightening your clothes. 

When you finish, you put your hands around his neck again and mutter with sincerity, “I couldn’t have done it without you, babe.”

You’re about to kiss him again, but your little bubble of joy and love pops when someone coughs just behind your boyfriend. You look over his shoulders to find Sungchan still standing there, having witnessed all of your interaction. You sigh, annoyed with him again. 

Does he ever catch a hint?

Of course, your partner, the politest person you’ve ever met, turns around to face Sungchan. The tip of his ears tinge pink at being caught by someone in such an intimate moment with you, but he quickly shakes it off to address the other man.

“Hi! Sorry, I didn’t know Y/N was talking with someone. I’m Anton, her boyfriend,” he introduces himself sheepishly and extends his free hand to Sungchan, his other arm still clinging to you by his side. You want to take a bite out of him from how cute he looks, so adorable being courteous to a stranger while still having his cheeks flushed from embarrassment.

Sungchan looks at Anton’s hand for a moment before grasping it and you watch how their palms tightly press against each other, fingers bending while the veins in Anton’s forearm stand out and Sungchan’s bicep bulges slightly from the effort. It's a masculine showdown happening right in front of you. 

“Hi, I’m Sungchan. I’m Y/N’s—”

“He’s a friend from college,” you interfere, looking at Anton to explain it to him. “Back when I studied law. I’ve told you about him.”

Sungchan gives you a sly smile, finally taking his hand away from Anton’s handshake and trying to discreetly flex his fingers. “Has she told you we used to hook up, too? Because it seems like she wants to hide it from you, dude.”

A flash of anger passes through Anton's eyes and a second later it’s gone. Even though his grip around your waist tightens, he keeps cool and collected, his posture relaxed while he moves his now free hand to his pants’ pocket. “Actually, she has. Aren’t you the one who traded her over for a freshman or some dumbass move like that, dude?” He asks, holding steady eye contact with Sungchan and plastering a shit-eating grin on his face.

You snicker into your fist as you watch the arrogance flee from Sungchan’s features. He presses his lips together and drops his gaze down in dismay. Anton’s smile turns triumphal, knowing he had won the confrontation between the two of them. Then he turns to you with sweet eyes and you think it’s the hottest thing ever how he can change from harsh to tender in the blink of an eye.

“Baby, I’m going to grab you a drink while you speak with your friend, okay?” He says, rubbing your arms up and down. You plead him with your gaze to not to be left alone with Sungchan, the long time you’ve been together making it easy to talk with only your eyes, but Anton shakes his head almost imperceptibly, giving you an encouraging pat on your shoulder. “You want your usual?”

You sigh, defeated, and nod your head. “Yes, please.”

“You got it,” he says, bending down to kiss your lips and then your forehead. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

When Anton walks away, you finally turn to Sungchan again. He has his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes are looking behind you, with no doubt still analyzing your boyfriend as he scurries to the bar. Only now you give yourself the chance to take him in. He looks good, in a fitted white t-shirt, black leather pants and a matching dark jacket. The same as ever. Still handsome, only older, just like you. And definitely a little bit buzzed, enough to make a move on you and irritate your usually peaceful partner.

Sugchan’s eyes jump back to you. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend,” he says, and you half expect him to make a snide remark about Anton, but he just completes his observation with, “He seems like a good guy.”

You smile and look over your shoulders, catching a glimpse of Anton already at the end of the line to the bar. He’s pretending to scroll through his phone and stealing glances at you and Sungchan, trying so hard to seem nonchalant while simultaneously watching you like a hawk. It’s freaking adorable and you make a mental note to tease him about it later. When his eyes meet yours, he lifts his eyebrows up and mouths, “What?”. You just wink at him and turn back to the conversation with Sungchan, still smiling.

“He’s a really good guy,” you answer him.

Sungchan nods, carefully watching your reaction. “You seem happy.”

Your smile becomes bigger. “I am happy.”

His eyes tremble slightly after your reply. Then he tilts his head to the side and relaxes his posture, arms going back to his sides. “You’re a book editor now?”

You’re taken aback that he actually heard everything you and Anton talked about. You were too overcome with joy to pay attention to anything else or care about being too loud.

“Yeah. I’ve been working with Gimm-Young since graduation,” you explain. “They offered me the promotion this morning.”

He listens to you with attentive eyes, nodding his head. “I remember Sohee told me back in college that you switched majors. I was really glad for you. But, wow, now you got an editor position at a big publishing house. And while you’re pretty young, too. Congratulations, Y/N. You made it.”

You’re shocked by his praise, but you take it nonetheless. And then pieces of memories you had with him flood your mind. Back then, you talked to him about your dream, showed him some of your writing and expressed doubts and insecurity on really going for it. In turn, he listened to your worries attentively, read and praised your works and spurred you on to go for what you wanted.

You scrunch your eyebrows up and look down at your feet, feeling overwhelmed by the sudden memories. Maybe Sungchan was an asshole, but he was a supportive asshole.

“Thank you,” you say, your eyes shifting back to him again. “I remember you— You encouraged me to study Lit back then, Sungchan. It was really meaningful at the time.”

He shakes his head. “Well, I’m not taking credit for your obvious hard work, Y/N.”

“I’m not giving you credit,” you say pointedly and he laughs. “I’m just saying thanks, I guess? For hearing me and supporting me back then.”

He shakes a hand in front of him, like he’s declining your explanation. “Hey, there’s no need for that. That’s the least I could do, really. You were great back then and I’m sure you're even better now.”

“Well, maybe you’ll read one of my editing works one day,” you say with a smile.

“Maybe.” He smiles back at you. “Or one of your books. I assume you’re still writing.”

“I am,” you confirm. “But that’ll still take a while to come to fruition.”

“When it does, can your first fan hope for an invite to your first book release party?” He asks, obviously referring to himself as your first fan, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

You can’t help but laugh at his antics. He’s showing the playful Sungchan you saw on occasion and the nostalgia gets to you. “We’ll see when the time comes.”

He nods with a smile. Then a beat later he’s stepping closer and the atmosphere turns serious, his sorrowful eyes gazing at you. “Y/N, I want you to know I’m very sorry for how I behaved with you back when we were together.” 

You can’t hide the astonishment on your face, being caught unprepared for this.

“I know it probably sounds like shit right now, but I cared for you. You really were special to me, even though I didn’t show it,” he barrels on. “You are a sweet girl, Y/N. You didn’t deserve what I did. I regret it every day since.”

The sincerity of his surprising words hits you right in the chest and you have to inhale deeply to prepare yourself for a response despite the shock. 

You shrug your shoulders. “It’s fine, Sungchan. I already worked everything out in therapy anyway.”

It’s the truth, you did work everything out in therapy. And despite being annoyed by meeting him tonight at first, you realize you really have no hard feelings towards Sungchan anymore. You’ve already come to the understanding that whatever happened back then, it wasn’t because of your actions, feelings or words. It wasn’t because you were undeserving of his love. He just couldn’t give it to you, for whatever personal reason he had. What happened was Sungchan’s responsibility, his guilt to carry, not yours. And, from what he’s saying, he acknowledges how carelessly he treated you and that finally puts you at peace with that chapter of your life. 

“My therapist thinks you’re an asshole, by the way,” you say, trying to lighten the mood.

“Something both me and your boyfriend can agree on, too, apparently,” he says with a chuckle, balancing forwards and backwards on his feet a little. “Well, I won’t keep you from him any longer. I have to wallow in self-pity right now because I let the successful Gimm-Young editor slip from my fingers.”

You scoff, not believing his words at all. “Yeah, I’m sure you’re really sad about it,” you say ironically.

He probably has a long line of eager girls wanting to be his girlfriend, anyway. You’re just glad you’re not one of them anymore.

You stand there with him for a beat, smiling about it. Then, his gaze shifts to something vulnerable and he gulps his saliva down, his Adam’s apple bobbing before he speaks again. “So, just to be sure… If you didn’t have someone, would you still— Well, would you consider—”

You catch on to what he’s trying to ask pretty quickly and reply before he embarrasses himself further by completing the sentence. “Yup, I’d still reject you. That ship sailed a long time ago, pal.”

Because of his failed flirting attempt, you try to concentrate and search for the body reactions you used to have whenever he’d sweet-talked you in the past. But there’s no heat on your face and limbs anymore, no goosebumps on your arms, no itch in your hands from wanting to touch him, no more sweat accumulating on your hairline and no tingling on your body. It’s all gone. The only thing you feel left for him is a quiet sentimentalist from what you shared during your college days that translates into a soft but lingering pang in your heart. Nothing more.

“Okay, I just had to try,” Sungchan says with a blush on his cheeks and a glazed over look in his eyes. “I should probably go now… before your boyfriend’s eyes  actually turn into red lasers and open a hole through me.”

You look behind you one more time to see that he’s right. Anton is tapping his fingers on the bar countertop while he waits for your drink to be made, his eyes completely focused on both of you, not even pretending like he doesn’t care anymore. He does kinda look like he might commit attempted murder at any moment. You send him a kiss despite his sour face.

“I’m sure he treats you better than I ever could, anyway,” Sungchan completes.

You look back to answer him. “That’s not very hard to accomplish, but yes, he does,” you tease with a smile.

Sungchan smiles back at you. “Yeah, I deserved that one.” He sighs and shakes his head, rubbing a hand on his neck. “Thank you for talking with me. It was nice seeing you.”

“You too, Sungchan,” you reply sincerely.

He’s about to walk away, but then he halts his movements, looking at you one more time. “Oh, and Y/N? I really hope you’re happy.”

You nod and smile at him. “I really am, Sungchan.”

“Then I’m glad,” he says with finality, gazing at you one last time and starting to turn around.

However, just before Sungchan can fully spin around, your eyes catch the glimmer of a metallic chain connected in between two of his jeans’ belt loops. Beside it, in his front loop, dangles a keychain with three trinkets hanging from the same clasp — a burger charm, a soccer ball one and, if your eyes aren’t failing you, one very familiar lilac polka dotted scrunchie.

You smile to yourself after the keychain is out of your line of sight. 

Maybe you really were special to him once.

While you watch Sungchan’s retreating back, you’re taken by an abrupt feeling. It’s not the anxiety and dread you used to feel whenever he left you or the longing that always took over you. It’s something keen to relaxation and comfort, like the sense you get when you meet an old friend or are wrapped up in a warm fuzzy blanket on a cold winter night. There’s a tinge of nostalgia mixed with the emotion flowing from the place right behind your chest and spreading through your limbs.

When you can’t see him anymore, you take a deep breath and think that what you’re feeling is relief.

Only when Anton comes to you again with a few of your friends in tow right after, you completely understand the emotion. With your best friends squealing around you in a circle, giving you their congratulations about your promotion, and Anton smiling at your side, looking at you as if you hung the moon and the stars in the night sky, you feel pure, absolute and unrestrained joy.

“Did you know you are the most perfect boyfriend ever?”

Anton is clearly taken aback by your sentence. He has just helped you get inside his car and buckled your seat belt for you, humming happily when you lean close to press a kiss to his cheek. After showing bewilderment, he smiles, a small blush appearing on his cheeks because of your praise. It’s the cutest thing ever.

“Thank you, baby,” he says, the smile still lingering on his lips. “You’re the most perfect girlfriend ever, too.”

He leans in to give you a quick peck, but as he backs away, you put a hand on his nape to keep him there, following his mouth with your own until your lips are pressed together again. It only lasts five seconds, but it’s enough to make you whine when he pulls away completely.

Anton laughs at you and straightens up from his bent down position, getting his upper body out of the car. He closes the passenger door carefully, then comes around to the driver’s side, opening the door to get inside. 

He’s the designated driver for tonight, choosing to opt out of drinking so you could relax and have fun with your friends while he made sure you were safe and back home without any scratches. Being the perfect boyfriend that he is, of course he made sure your friends would get home safe, too, calling them a cab on his own phone and waiting it out with you until their taxi arrived before getting you both inside his car.

Once he’s buckled in, he turns the key in the ignition and the car springs to life. He gives you a soft smile before turning on his blinkers to safely enter the lane. In no time, you’re on the road to your home and your hands are tangled together over the center console.

“You want to stop by somewhere to grab food?” He asks after a while.

You shake your head. “I don’t feel hungry right now. Can we order in later?”

“Of course, baby.” He looks over to you for a brief moment before fixating his eyes back on the road, the hint of a smirk playing on his lips. “You know, after four years of dating, I found out something new about you today.”

“Oh, did you?” You reply, leaning onto his teasing words. “What is it?”

“You’re a party girl,” he states accusingly, making you laugh.

“What? No, I’m not,” you say, trying to be firm and serious, but your words get interrupted by a giggle. You scrunch up your nose because of your own mistake. 

Anton just chuckles at you as he makes a turn on a street. “Tell that to the four shots you downed today, babe.”

You squint your eyes, pinching his wrist lightly, and he gives you a little groan. “Hey, I was celebrating today! Can’t a new promotee have a few shots?”

His eyes glint while he tightens his hold on your hand. “Yes, you can, love. I’m just teasing.”

“Well, don’t tease me, Anton.” You scrunch your eyebrows up and make a frown, pretending to be angry. “It’s my promotion day. You’re not allowed to tease me!”

“Sorry, Miss Editor, I forgot. No teasing for today, got it,” he says, letting your hand go to make a fake army salute. You laugh and squeeze his bicep in reprieve, and he chuckles with you.

“You’re a menace,” you say, letting him take your hand in his again just as the car slows down to stop at a traffic light.

You take the moment to pull his hand to your lips, pressing soft kisses on his knuckles as your eyes meet his. “Thank you for being with me today, baby,” you whisper over his skin and you smile to yourself when goosebumps rise in his forearm. “And for taking care of me and my friends.”

Anton moves the hand you’re kissing to your face, rubbing his fingers over your cheekbone, and you lean into his touch. “Of course, baby. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“I love you so much,” you confess as you start to drop kisses into his open palm now, your lips lingering a bit too long over the tip of his thumb.

“I love you, my girl,” he says, pinching your cheek.

You wish you could do more to show him how much you actually appreciate him being who he is. But the light on the stoplight turns green and you have to reluctantly stop yourself from touching him a little more boldly over road safety. You’ll have plenty of time to make him feel loved once you get home.

You roll your window down and tilt your face towards the chilly wind as you think about how you really did hit the jackpot with Anton. You’ve met him at your job, while you were working in a book launch party from one of your company’s authors, helping out the social media crew that was currently short-staffed and busy.

In your position as an assistant editor, you’ve worked pretty closely with the author launching her book before. Your chief editor trusted you completely and let you bounce ideas back and forth with her, so you knew each other pretty well. Anton was the author’s cousin and when she introduced you to him at the release party, there was buzzing excitement in her eyes. She told you how he was a Korean-American that moved back to Seoul with his brother for medical school. Currently in his last year of college, he had been studying nonstop to get his professional license after it, so he needed a night off to relax and that’s why she ended up inviting him to the party. He had on a nice white jacket that complimented his thick shoulders and when he talked with you, you couldn’t help but be somewhat captivated by such a soft voice coming out of such a broad body, his cute accent making him even more adorable.

Later that night, when the party was already fizzling out and your body started to hurt from standing on high heels for too long, he approached you again. When you complained about the ache on your feet, he found a free chair for you to sit on. And when you laughed about something he said, he asked for your number. He looked too damn cute bouncing up and down between his two long legs while you typed your digits on his phone. And after your contact was saved, he pressed call so you could have his number, too.

When a colleague called you to help with something else, Anton pouted adorably because you had to go so soon. Before you went away, the tip of his fingers brushed against yours for a brief fleeting moment and he made a promise to contact you soon. The next morning, you woke up with a text from him on your phone, asking what type of food you enjoyed so he could take you out on a date.

It took a few dates and a couple of sincere conversations about both of your expectations in a relationship before you and Anton made it official. Since the beginning, he never let his intentions be misunderstood. From the first date, he made it very clear he was interested in you as a whole person, not parts of you. He didn’t want to have your body if he didn’t get to have your soul either. He has taken you seriously since then. After the fifth time you went out together, you brought him home with you. You still remember the image of him hovering above you, cheeks and neck flushed while he stared at you deeply, telling you in the softest voice ever how he wanted you to be his girlfriend. He made you feel secure, the sincerity in his tone helping you to never doubt his words. And when he used that same feathery intonation of his to coax out of you the most powerful orgasm you ever had in your life, you were done for. You wholeheartedly handed yourself out for him and he did the same right back.

You’re together for almost five years now and Anton has been with you through thick and thin. He deeply enjoyed the sheer joy in your mom’s face when you brought him up to meet your family. She kept going on and on about how tall and good-looking and young and amazing your doctor boyfriend was. Nothing you ever did in your life before made her as happy as introducing him as your partner and it felt nice seeing him being appreciated by your loved ones. Either way, whenever your family dinners took a turn and your father would try to convince you to study law again and become a judge like him and your mother would make poisonous comments about the amount of food on your plate, all while your sister boasted about her successful career as a lawyer, taking occasional jabs at you for giving up on it, Anton rubbed circles on the back of your hand under the table, soothing the ache he knew you felt about not being understood by your own flesh and blood, showing that he understands and sees you better than anyone.

Anton was with you during your grandfather’s funeral and one month after it, when your little dog died unexpectedly of a quiet illness. He hugged you and listened to you as you sobbed and babbled on for hours about how unfair death was. When your eyes became red and your throat sore, he wrapped you up in a blanket and held you firmly until you slept.

He was beside you during your depressive slumps, letting you sleep your exhaustion out for how long you needed to and not pressing you on about it, having food ready and plated for you when you woke up. When you made a mild mistake during work and got afraid of being fired, he encouraged you to talk to your boss and fix the problem, helping you come up with a plan to gain back her trust again. He was also with you when your brother married one of your best friends and when they told you they got pregnant. When you were announced as the child’s future godmother, he cried tears of happiness with you.

Anton bragged about you during his family dinners, telling his parents how brave you were for changing career paths and accomplishing so much in so little time and mentioning how he hoped his little brother would find a partner as amazing as you. He made sure your relationship with his parents was as lovely and safe as possible and you are constantly doted on by his family because of it.

Three months after your psychiatrist dosed down on your depression meds, he prepared you a homemade dinner and told you how proud he was of you for battling such a devious disease and pushing through despite all of your struggles.

And when he got anxiety attacks during his time studying for the surgery residency program, you taught him your methods to push through them and made him an appointment with your doctor. You were beside him, helping him work through his fears and the tension. When he got in the program, you were the first person he called. And he was also the number one on your call list when you got your promotion earlier today.

Whenever his sinusitis would flare up, you were also the one by his side, watching on his health, making sure he took his meds, making him tea and helping him with nebulizing.

Sometimes, when your bad thoughts get the best of you, you feel like you don’t deserve him. You think he’s too good to be true, that he does more for you than you do for him and that he’ll grow tired of it and drop you like so many have done in the past. On times like that, Anton always tells you he’s the lucky one for having you on his side and the sincerity dripping from his lips and eyes always scare your doubts away. You believe in him even when you don’t believe in yourself. He makes you see how you bring out the best out of each other. And when any of you are feeling down, you both always feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable.

There’s no pressure to be perfect with Anton. You can make mistakes and try again how many times it takes. And he does the same. Despite you seeing him as a pretty perfect man, Anton also messes up, like any normal human being. And you do the same. Over and over and over again.

Sometimes you speak with him a little too roughly. Or he gives you the silent treatment when things don’t go his way. Or you wake up in a bad mood and take it out on him. Or, on the same day, he forgets to take out the trash from your shared place and you arrive late to an important work dinner of his. You argue and get mad and upset like any other couple. But each time it happens, you talk it out. And he never leaves you alone in your relationship struggles, always meeting you halfway to solve the matter.

The thing is you accept each other, the good and the bad and the in-between. No feelings or thoughts are invalidated or dismissed. He makes you confident and comfortable in your own skin. And you like to think you do the same for him.

It doesn’t hurt that he’s handsome and jacked, too, his swimming career in school building up his muscles nicely to the man he is today. That’s what you’re thinking about while he takes the final turn to enter your apartment building, parking the car on his spot with one hand on the steering wheel and the other one still gripping yours tightly, attentive eyes checking the car mirrors.

His shirt hangs nicely on his body and the two top buttons under its collar are undone, showing his clavicle and a hint of his chest. You lick your lips and breathe through your nose deeply, trying to settle the buzz deep in your belly while you admire him. When he’s done parking, he catches his jacket and your purse on the backseat and gets out, making his way to open your door and offering you his hand to help you out of the car. You grab it and step out carefully. Once you’re securely out of the car, he closes your door and rests his jacket over your shoulders, helping you to slip your arms through the sleeves. Then, with your purse still over his arm, he locks the car and grips your hand, leading you both on the walk to the lobby to call for the elevator.

You squeeze his hand with both of yours and lean your head onto his arm while you wait for the lift, appreciating his presence, warmth and attention. 

“I’m glad you had fun today, baby,” he whispers and you tilt your head up to find his eyes already searching for yours.

You smile at him. “So much fun. I’m so happy, Anton.”

His eyes shine seeing the true joy exuding from your body. “If my girl is happy, I’m happy.”

His admission makes you want to get closer, so you turn to stand in front of him, tugging slightly on his shirt collar to get him to bend down over you. “Thank you, baby.”

“For what?” He asks, an eyebrow shifting slightly up.

“For being happy for me and with me. For celebrating with me today,” you say, looking deep into his eyes.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, baby,” he whispers while his arms cross over your waist, pressing your body against his. “I want to celebrate this and so much more with you.”

“Yeah?” You mutter back, getting on your tippy toes as you watch him with hooded eyes. “Like what?”

He slides one hand up to rub your face, pulling you in to speak over your cheek. “Like when you get the editor-in-chief position next.” He drops a kiss on your cheekbone and moves his lips to your jaw next. “And when I finish my residency.” A new kiss is laid on your chin and another one on the corner of your mouth. “Then our engagement, our wedding…”

“Ahh, so you do plan on proposing,” you tease, leaning back to get your face out of reach from his lips. “It’s taking so long I’m starting to think you’re just stringing me along.”

Anton tightens his hold on your waist. “Stop it, you know I’m planning on it.” He moves his free hand to your nape to pull you close again, his lips one more time landing on your cheek. “You’ll just have to wait and see. It will be perfect. You’ll bawl your eyes out.”

“With how easy you get emotional, I think you’ll be the one bawling, Tonie,” you say, pulling on his hair a little while he rasps his teeth on the side of your neck.

“Oh, for sure,” he says, his voice muffled by his lips constantly pressing on your skin. “We’ll both be crying messes once the ring is on your finger.”

You chuckle at him and pull his head back to look at him, watching his mouth become an adorable pout at being denied kissing you more. “I can’t wait for this mysterious proposal, then.”

Anton’s pout turns into a wide smile. “I can’t wait to wife you up.”

You smile back at him, the thought of being his wife, of calling him your husband sending butterflies flying in your stomach.

The elevator finally arrives then, and you both get inside. Anton presses the number for your floor and slumps against its wall before the lift begins to move up, his arms settling around you and pressing you to his body again. You wind your arms around his shoulders and press a kiss onto his clavicle, making him groan, his hips instinctively moving forward to press against yours.

“Aren’t you eager today?” You mutter, looking up to find a flush creeping onto his cheeks. “What has gotten into you?”

“You’re just so happy right now. And I want to make you even happier.” He holds you flush against him while he nuzzles his nose against yours. “Wanna make you feel so good…”

“Oh.” You press your lips to his quickly, smoothing your thumbs on the sides of his neck. “I’d like that very much.”

“Plus, I’ve been thinking about something…” he says, gaze holding yours steady, building tension.

“Thinking about what?” You whisper, the expectation blooming on your chest.

Anton doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, he moves his face to drop kisses on your shoulder, his nose skimming under the jacket so his lips can reach your skin. He trails a path of kisses from your right shoulder until the place under your right ear, nibbling on your lobe while you whine. That’s when he finally replies, his breath blowing over the damp skin he just kissed, “Thinking about being a little possessive tonight, a little harsh…”

His words make your breathing heavy and warmth spread through your body. You tug on his hair, your mind getting dazed from his teasing. “Like, you wanna be mean?”

He shakes his head and places his hand on your face, stroking your cheekbone. “Not mean. Just taunt you, mess with your mind a little.”

“Oh,” you whimper, pressing your thighs together while mulling it over your mind, remembering all the times he teased you in bed and how it always made you feel. “I like it when you do that.”

“I know you do, baby,” he whispers, moving his mouth to your jaw. “You always get so—”

“Yeah, I do,” you say, your voice a little high pitched, suddenly feeling self-conscious of being this close to him and thinking dirty things in the elevator. You can only hope there’s no audio on the camera by the corner that’s aimed directly at you both.

You hide your face on Anton’s neck and he snickers at you. “So, you’re up for it?”

You nod, the embarrassment shining red on your cheeks and heating your skin. “Sure, let’s do it.”

Anton rests his chin on top of your head and digs his fingers on your hips as he squeezes you against him. “If you dislike something, you remember the word, right?”

“Pineapple,” you say against his skin, reciting your safe word to him so he knows you remember.

“Good girl,” he purrs, tightening his grip on you.

When the elevator finally dings and its doors open on your floor, you and Anton both scramble up to get to your apartment as fast as possible.

As you type the code for your door, you think about how the night was fun enough until now. You drank cocktails, danced to songs, hugged your friends, screamed your lungs out in happiness and enjoyed your time. It was really really good. But there’s only one thing left to end this perfect day, one thing left to take the fun to the next level. It’s the one thing that’s been nagging at your mind, body and soul the whole time you were at the nightclub. The only thing you can think about after that spicy elevator ride — having Anton all to yourself.

So when the both of you cross the threshold of your place and take your sneakers off and your purse is out of Anton’s hand, you corner him into your entry door, kissing him fervently, slipping his jacket off your body and dropping it to the ground. Anton responds in kind, pressing his lips to yours just as hastily. When your tongue traces his bottom lip, he opens his mouth for you to invade it with, and when you stroke his tongue, he groans.

“You look so fucking good today,” you whisper on his lips, your fingers deftly undoing his shirt buttons. “I wanted to jump your bones the moment I laid my eyes on you.”

“You look so beautiful too, baby,” he mutters back at you, complimenting you with his soft-spoken voice and gentle demeanor.

Your sweet, loving, kind man. You love him so much. 

When you kiss him again and your nails scratch over the exposed skin of his chest, he moans, sliding his hands down your ass and pressing your body against his. You gasp from the feeling of his dick already twitching and fully erect inside his pants, your mouth opening up in surprise. He takes the moment to kiss you again, licking the inside of your mouth and biting your bottom lip, pulling on it a little before releasing it.

“I kept thinking about being inside you the whole time we were out, too,” he says with his lips over your neck, nipping on your pulse point. He licks the place and speaks against the moistness, making your skin jump. “I’m gonna fuck you so good today, Miss Editor.”

Your filthy, dirty, hot man. You love him so much.

You whimper from his words, trembling hands trying to finish unbuttoning his shirt. Before you can, Anton is lifting you up on his lap, and you yelp in surprise. You both giggle as he strides towards your bedroom and supports you with his hands on your ass, but you give up on laughing in favor of kissing him again, your lips becoming moist with spit. You don’t know how Anton manages to find your room while he keeps kissing you, but in just a few seconds he’s laying you over your silky sheets.

You stretch on the bed, moving further back until you’re positioned in the middle. Anton stands in front of you while he opens the rest of his shirt and you watch as more of his skin is revealed. After he’s done with it, he unbuckles his belt and opens his fly, showing the bulge under his boxers. You lick your lips at the sight.

He leaves his pants on, though, and kneels on the bed, crawling over until he reaches you. You sit up to run a hand on his front, from his chiseled pecs to his taut abs until it stops on his happy trail on his lower stomach.

He bends down to kiss you and your arms go around his shoulders to pull his shirt away from him completely. Anton helps you slide the fabric off his arms and once you throw it on the floor, his hands are pulling up your top over your head, your shirt also being off in an instant. Then he’s pressing his body on yours and laying you back on the mattress.

“God, would you look at you,” he says once your head is resting on the pillows, tracing a hand over your stomach and raising goosebumps over your skin, eyes shining while he looks at your chest. “So fucking pretty. I can’t believe you’re all mine.”

There’s a reverent and low tone to his voice that always turns your insides into mush on moments like this. You press your legs against each other from the praise and tighten your grip on his shoulders, trying to kiss him one more time to show how much you appreciate it, but Anton rears back slightly, his eyebrows shooting up and eyes encouraging you to say what he wants to hear. 

“I’m all yours, Tonie,” you say with heavy breathing and he smiles approvingly. “Only yours.”

“Yeah, baby?” He mutters, his hand covering your boob over your bra. You gasp while he squeezes your flesh. “Seeing your past fling today didn’t confuse you? You didn’t think about leaving me for him, did you?”

It’s like a bucket of icy cold water is thrown on you. Anton’s words shock you to the core and you look at him wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

Thinking about being a little possessive, he said. You never thought it would show up like this, though. You played with jealousy in bed before, of course, but it was always with creative scenarios — celebrities, fictional characters, strangers in the street, unnamed imaginary people. The line was drawn at real people in your life. You’ve never considered using any of your exes, friends or close acquaintances.

But Anton is changing that now by talking about Sungchan and your meeting with him earlier. And you know him well enough to decipher his words and body language, to know that he’s jealous. For real. 

Even though he has no reason to be.

Honestly, Sungchan was the furthest thing from your mind all night, your encounter with him long forgotten while you had the time of your life with Anton and your friends. You can’t quite believe your amazing boyfriend is actually insecure about it. But he is.

You blink up at him, still stunned to silence, and Anton sighs, annoyed by your lack of response. “Did you, love?” He asks again, squeezing your breast a little harder. 

The action springs you to life. “I— No, no, baby. Not at all,” you stutter out as he pulls down the lacey cup of your bra and circles his forefinger around your areola. “What made you— shit, what made you think that?”

Anton pinches your nipple then, making you arch your back and moan. ”I just think you spent too much time talking. Seemed like you were having fun, too, smiling and flirting with him.” He ends his sentence with another press on your nipple, harder than the last one, rolling the bud in between his thumb and forefinger to soothe the ache right after whilst you pant under him.

“I wasn’t flirting,” you defend yourself quickly. “I mean, he was flirting, but I didn’t—”

“Oh, was he, baby?” He asks, eyebrows going up. “And how did you respond to his flirting?”

Anton’s eyes are dark, hooded and lust-filled while he waits for your answer. There’s something about the jealousy and possessiveness he’s exuding that makes you whimper, feeling the release of more arousal into your panties. He looks so fucking hot. But you can’t have him thinking that you would trade him for Sungchan. Or anyone else, for that matter.

“I rejected him. I’m with you and he saw it. I told him how happy you make me,” you stutter. Anton just looks at you, analyzing your words in silence. It fills your heart with desperation. “Baby, I didn’t even think about him after that, I promise.” You reach your hands towards his face, but he remains out of reach, making you paw at the air. “There’s no reason to be jealous, Anton.”

He scoffs at you, tweaking your nipple one more time while his other hand goes around your chin, gripping it tightly. You moan loudly at the action and his thumb starts to trace over your areola again when he speaks. “I’m not jealous.” He hovers above you again and presses his nose to yours, looking down your eyes. “But he sure seemed like he was, talking shit about you two hooking up in the past. Like he had the right to act territorial over you when you’re my girl.”

“Baby, I don’t want to talk about him now,” you plead, your words coming out jumbled from the way he’s now pressing his fingers on your cheeks. At seeing your struggle, he loosens his grip a little and you’re able to speak better. “Please, let’s just—”

“So, what more did you tell him about me?” He asks, purposely interrupting you and ignoring your plea at the same time.

“I told him you’re amazing. And that you treat me so well, that I love you so much,” you babble out, mind racing trying to remember everything you said.

“Hmmm, and what else?” He says, his face still so close to yours.

”What do you mean, what else?” You gulp down, looking up at him.

Anton softens at your question, smoothing his fingers over your features and kissing on your pulse point. Then he descends, sucking on the upper part of your boob, tongue slipping out to flick your nipple. “I mean, did you tell him about this?” His hand moves to your other breast, still bra covered, blunt nails scratching the fabric down so his thumb can press on your nipple. “Or about this?”

Fuck. Anton wants you to lie.

Actually, he wants you to pretend like you’ve told Sungchan about your sex life, that Anton’s so good at it you boasted about his skills to your past affair. What he wants is an ego boost, to know that he’s still the only one that gets to have you like this. So much so that you needed to tell your ex how he makes you his.

It’s a little crazy. And adorable. And fucking hot.

“I did,” you whisper and Anton purrs on your neck, his hips grinding down on yours. “I told him how you always make me feel so good, how your fat cock stretches me just right.”

“Fuck, Y/N,” he groans, sinking his teeth on your skin. You tug on his hair while bucking your pelvis up to meet his. You love the way he melts into you so easily, how just a little praise gets him weak, even when he’s the one in control. It always makes you confident.

“I told him I’m too obsessed with how you fuck me to ever think about leaving you, baby,” you whisper in his ear, one hand going down to press on his ass so he can drive his hips down harder, the stimulation on your clit over all the clothes getting to you. “And that I’d never trade you for him, not in a million years.”

After that, Anton kisses you with so much force your teeth clash together. But you don’t care about it, letting him kiss you while you grip on his shoulders and press on his back so he keeps grinding down on you. You only break for air when he unfastens your bra, going right back into kissing him while he slides the straps down your arms and takes the button of your skirt out of its loop.

Anton pulls back to tug on the bottom of your skirt and you help him out by pulling your waistband down and wiggling your hips until the item is out of your body. You’re almost laid bare before him and he rests a firm hand on your lower stomach while he drinks you in, his other hand reaching up to cup your breasts, one after the other and then back again. You see his dick jump inside his underwear as his eyes devour you.

“Fuck, you look so pretty when you’re like this for me,” he says and you moan at him, hands trying to coax him back into putting his weight on you. “My perfect girl with her perfect body,” he praises, his free hand going up your body until his fingers meet your lips. He doesn’t need to command you to take them. You do it willingly, opening your lips to suck on his index and middle fingers greedily. Anton hums in approval. “Perfect mouth and tongue.” He pulls his fingers from your mouth and moves them over to your right boob, brushing wetness on your areola before moving to your left one and doing the same. “Perfect tits.” He slides his hand down still, navigating it through the valley between your breasts and the plush flesh of your stomach until it brushes over the waistband of your panties. He caresses over the top of the fabric, and you try not to whimper pathetically or squirm too much. Then, he finally slips his hand in between your legs, cupping your cunt harshly over your underwear. “And perfect pussy.”

“Baby, please,” you moan out. “Please touch me.”

He snickers at your desperate state, but hooks his fingers on the sides of the elastic band and pulls them down. You release a deep breath when the underwear is finally off you and another one when Anton’s hands go back to your body. “Fuck, imagine if Sungchan could see you right now, love,” he says, his right hand coming back to one of your nipples to pinch it again as his left one strokes the inside of your thighs. “If he could watch how much of a pathetic mess you get for me. So fucking desperate.”

“Anton,” you moan as his hand inches closer to your heat and he presses his palm on your left thigh to separate it from your right one, spreading you open before him.

“I wish he could hear how pretty you sound while you whimper my name like that, baby,” he says, moving his free hand to your bottom lip again and tapping on it. You open up, taking three of his fingers into your mouth now, licking over them and sucking on them. He presses his digits deep, reaching for your throat and you gag on them, but still don���t let him pull them from your mouth, closing your hands over his wrist to keep them there. “I wish he could watch you suck on my fingers and gag on them just like that, my perfect girl.”

He pulls his fingers out of your mouth as fast as he slipped them in, getting his hand out of your hold and moving his damp digits to your pussy. You almost let out a squeal when he rubs on your clit, spreading your legs further apart for him. You look at his face while he watches the movements he makes on your cunt, his other fingers rubbing over your folds as his thumb keeps pressing on the nub on top of it. “I wish he could see how wet you are right now. You’re going to soak our sheets, love.”

You bite on your lip, gripping the sheets and planting the soles of your feet on the mattress while he remains kneeled in between your legs bringing you pleasure. “It’s your fault. You always get me so wet. I’ve been like this since the elevator.”

“Hmmm, I know, baby,” he mutters appreciatively, eyes glued to the juices sticking to your cunt, his fingers noisily working over you. “You’re so naughty. Can’t help getting horny for me anywhere, right?”

You nod, biting on the inside of your cheek now, moving your hips slowly with the movements from his hand. “Yeah. I want you all the time.”

“Fuck,” he groans and you see his dick jumping against the wet patch forming on his underwear. “I think Sungchan would love seeing how much of a whore you become for me.”

“Just for you, baby,” you affirm between moans.

Anton’s gaze slides up to yours again whilst he starts to massage over your hole, the jealousy in it now fizzling out, leaving behind shiny heart-eyes for you. “Yeah, just for me. He can’t have all of that anymore, baby. He can’t see you or touch you or hold you or hear you or fuck you. Only I can, right?”

“Yes,” you groan, bucking your hips up when he finally slips one digit inside you, your walls contracting over it. “Only you can, baby. I’m your girl.”

“You’re my girl,” he repeats, adding another finger inside, making your head spin. “My perfect girl, I’m going to ruin you.”

Anton puts his free hand beside your head and hunches down so he can press his forehead against yours while his other hand keeps working your pussy slowly open. His long thick fingers plunge deep inside of you and it’s crazy how easy they slip in and out, your wetness making the slide smooth, even when he starts to make scissor motions and bending his knuckles.

“Anton,” you moan, touching his neck and trying to keep your eyes open to look at his flushed face. “Feels so good.”

“Yeah, baby?” He says with a sly smile, getting his fingers completely out of you at the same time to run over your pussy lips, making you whine in frustration from being empty again. “Tell me how much you like it.”

“I like how your fingers reach so deep inside me,” you grumble, trying not to close your eyes when you feel him grazing over your clitoris again. “Your cock, too. You’re so fucking big all over.”

“You like that I’m big?” He asks, rubbing little circles on your clit. 

You nod, scratching the nape of his neck to release some stress as he keeps teasing you. “I was afraid you wouldn’t fit the first time. But like I said, you always get me so wet.” 

“I do, don’t I?” He whispers, a sleek smile on his lips, focused eyes watching your every reaction to him.

His hands descend again, looking for your entrance, and you mewl when he finds it, his digits shallowly stroking it. You bite your bottom lip before replying to him. “You do. You’re so patient with me, too. I love how attentive you are.”

“Awww, sweet girl,” Anton coos, mocking your frenzied state, his lips curving up. “All of that praise just because you want me to finger you properly?”

You chuckle at his words. Of course he can read you like an open book. He always can.

You pull his mouth to yours to press a lingering peck on his lips, your hips grinding up to look for more friction. “I mean what I said,” you state over his lips, giving him pleading eyes. “But doesn't your sweet girl deserve a reward for inflating your ego?”

He snickers and kisses the corner of your mouth. “Of course you do, baby.”

Then he’s inserting two of his fingers inside you again, the stretch making you open your mouth in a big ‘O’ and squeeze his shoulders. He’s still relaxed with it, delicately rubbing your walls, slowly bringing you pleasure.

He kisses the moles on your shoulder and you crane your neck to the side, silently asking for more smooches on your skin. He chuckles and follows your silent request, pressing his kisses on your neck and clavicle.

“I love giving you what you want, baby,” he whispers, his thumbnail grazing under your clitoris. “You look so good taking it.”

You try so hard concentrating on what he’s saying, but the pace of his fingers inside you is slow and deliberate, making you dizzy with want, your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“You’re so good to me,” you reply after a beat passes. “I love you so much.”

“I love you,” he confesses back, his lips now on your right boob.

He keeps kissing you and licking every part of your body his mouth can reach, sucking on your skin and marking you all over. When his kisses travel down your stomach, his fingers start to curl up in your pussy, and you hitch a breath when he comes face to face with it. He presses his free hand down on your lower belly and looks up to see your hazy eyes focused on him. He smirks, adding a third finger and you feel more juices coming out of you, enveloping his fingers in a slick mess. 

He looks down again, now laser-focused on your heat. “My baby’s got such a pretty pussy. I love to watch you from here.”

“Just watch?” You ask, your voice already hoarse from moaning.

He cocks his head to the side, as if he has no idea what you mean. “Why, baby? You want me to do something else?”

You move a hand to his face, thumb rubbing his cheek while your other fingers press on his neck, trying to get him closer to your cunt. He resists you easily, your hold on him being too weak in the state you're in.

“Anton,” you groan, giving him puppy eyes again. “Please.”

He sets his eyes firm on yours. “Ask for what you want with your words and I’ll give it to you, baby.”

“I w-w-want,” you stutter, your breath coming out ragged. “I want your mouth.”

“Where?”

You expel a frustrated sigh before replying. “On my clit, please.”

“You got it, babe.”

You’re expecting him to lick at your bud, but Anton surprises you by enveloping his whole mouth around it and suctioning hard.

“Oh my fuck,” you moan, hips bucking up as he combines speeding his fingers inside you and sucking on your clit with an enthusiasm that has you seeing stars. You try opening your legs more to feel it all and give him space, and he follows your cunt in every wiggle of your body.

“Sweetest pussy ever,” he says after retreating a little. “Can’t get enough of your taste, baby.”

Then he’s back at it, licking up at you, swift and strong strokes of his tongue going from your entrance to your clit and slurping up your juices. You squeeze his neck and move your hand up the top of his head to ruffle his hair and tug on his strands, earning a groan from him that vibrates through your whole body.

You move your free hand to grab at his forearm pressing on your belly. He looks up at you and grabs your hand, his fingers slipping on the space between yours. He moves both of your hands to press on your body again, bending his wrist up to keep your palms connected as his veins become prominent from the force he’s applying, making him even hotter. You ground yourself with his hand on yours, feeling his affection enveloping your body and soul.

You love when he eats you out just like this — hungry eyes gazing directly at you, hand linked with yours, messy hair from your pulls and a skilled experience years of getting to know your body gave him. It always makes you feel close to him and also never fails to drive you crazy.

He goes back to sucking at you in rough and messy intakes and the fingers inside you start to move deeper and harder. You lose eye contact, resting your head against the pillows as a prolonged moan of his name makes its way out of your lips. When it subsides into hoarse whimpers and cries, you begin to feel the bed shake and look down again. You see Anton is rutting his hips on the space in between your legs, jolting both of you with every one of his thrusts. The movement somehow helps with the feeling of his fingers inside of you, making them quicker and sharper, and you scratch on his shoulder from how good it all feels.

Anton catches your gaze again and tightens his hold on your hand, rearing back to lay kisses on your thighs while he speaks to you. “I’m so damn hard for you, baby.”

You press your nails on his skin again, probably leaving marks. Thinking about his hard dick and how his thrusts on the sheets could be inside you has you trembling with want. “I want it, Tonie. Need your thick cock inside me so bad.”

“I’ll give it to you after you cum for me one time, okay?” He asks, thumb rubbing the back of your hand.

“Yeah, okay,” you breathe out, nodding at him.

He nips the inside of your left thigh. “You’re feeling good, right?”

You nod again, neck straining from the sensations moving through you. “So good. You’re so good at this, fuck.”

He gives your other leg the same attention, rasping his teeth on your skin. “You close?”

“I’m getting there.”

“Hmmm,” he ponders for a bit. Then he shifts his wrist slightly and bends his fingers in your cunt, finding that spongy spot inside you. “What if I do this?”

Your mouth hangs open in a hoarse moan, hips lifting up on instinct, trying to meet his hand. “Tonie, shit, that’s it. Please don’t stop.”

“Found it,” he whispers to himself, a smirk playing on his lips.

Anton’s mouth comes back to your clit, sucking and licking on it nonstop while he keeps his knuckles crooked inside you, driving his fingers in with more force and speed each time they slide out. He presses down your lower belly with more vigor, putting some of his weight into it, and you start to feel the crushing pleasure from inside and out. It’s too much and not enough at the same time, so you close your thighs on his head and hand, rest your feet on his shoulders and swivel your hips to the best of your ability given the force he’s applying on you, trying to meet his frantics movements, looking for more friction, more satisfaction, just more.

The noises become louder and harder to ignore, driving you to insanity. The squelching sounds from his fingers and your wetness, the slippery suction of your intimate flesh, the creaking of the bed, Anton’s soft groans pulsating through you, the rustling of the sheets, your own moans and whimpers coming out broken.

There’s sweat on Anton’s forehead and you brush his hair back, giving you a perfect view of his shiny black eyes and how he’s devouring you whole. Not only his fingers and mouth, but his mind and soul are working intently to get you to your high.

Your pussy starts to flutter around his digits, gripping them and sucking them in. You feel your muscles straining, tensing and relaxing repeatedly, twitching under your skin. Your legs are shaking, your fingers on Anton’s hair and hand trembling, your throat producing incoherent sounds and a familiar churning growing on your core.

You’re sure you can feel each one of your boyfriend’s three fingers rubbing at your walls, prodding at the sweet place deep inside you, when you become restless. Your impending orgasm creeps up on you unexpectedly, fast flames licking at your ankles, knees and elbows and spreading like wildfire to your limbs and torso, blowing your mind.

Then you feel it. The way your stomach contracts against Anton’s hand, how the weight over it is almost unbearable, a crushing presence urging you to peak. It makes you panic, hand gripping over Anton’s hand so hard your knuckles turn white and your nails dig into his skin.

“Baby, baby, wait, I’m—” You try to warn, but it’s too late. You’re cumming, your orgasm wrecking through your body and a clear and short stream of liquid pouring out of you and hitting your boyfriend on the chin. You’ve just squirted.

You’re instantly ashamed, covering your face with your hands, but Anton is unaffected by it. He just withdraws his face from your cunt, pins one of your legs to the bed and keeps pressing his fingers deep inside you, his thumb replacing his lips and moving messy and loud circles on your clit. Through the crack in between your fingers, you see his tongue poking out and licking down his chin and lips, his eyes set on your pussy, still trying to bring you the utmost pleasure.

He works you for a moment while your orgasm courses through you, and when the flames finally subside, you move your hand to push on his wrist, while tears brim your eyes and your jaw and throat hurt from all the moaning. Only then he pulls back completely, sitting on his haunches, resting his hands over his thighs and watching your chest heaving and the red flush all over your skin.

“I knew you’d soak our sheets,” he says, voice soft and frazzled.

You whine, closing your legs in embarrassment and pressing the heels of your hands on your eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Your gargled words have Anton touching and hovering over you again, rubbing at your ankle and kissing your hip bones, one after the other. “Hey, hey, none of that, please.” His hand moves up to your waist and he trails a thread of kisses on your whole stomach. “You always look so sexy when you do that, baby.” He smooths his palms on your elbows, coaxing you to open up so he can see your face. “I wanted you to do it. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

You just whimper again, not loosening up to the pressure of Anton’s hands. 

He moves his hands to yours, rubbing on your knuckles. “Come on, baby. Let me see your pretty face all red.” He places a kiss on your left shoulder. “Wanna kiss you, please.”

You reluctantly pull your hands away, but you press your left cheek on the pillow so he can only see your profile. He chuckles and cradles your face on both of his hands, moving your head straight so he can see you clearly.

“There you are,” he coos, his thumbs swiping at the tears collected on your waterline. “Hi, love.”

You give him a pout and look down. “Hi.”

“Look,” he starts, voice soft and eyes kind. “I have no idea why you get so ashamed when that happens, but you need to know it’s fucking hot. Like, I wish it would happen everytime.”

“You’re exaggerating,” you mumble out, tracing patterns on the skin of his right shoulder, still not meeting his eyes.

“No, I’m not. Baby, some guys only dream of making their girlfriends squirt,” he explains. You flinch at the last word. “I get to do it every once in a while and it feels amazing.” He shifts his face so you have no choice but to look directly into his eyes. “Does it feel like that for you, too?”

You sigh deeply, his reasoning infiltrating your mind. “Yeah, it does.”

“Then stop ruining this for you,” he says with finality. “It’s a body reaction, it feels good, and you like it. So why not enjoy it? It’s not a bad thing, love.”

“Okay, you’re too reasonable for someone that just blew my brains out,” you complain, weakly pushing his face. “Stop, please.”

Anton laughs, his chest rumbling against yours, and you smile back at him. When his lips peck yours, he puts his whole weight on your body to press his still hard length on your leg, the fabric of his jeans rough against your skin. “Reasonable while I’m hard for you, at that.”

You make a grumpy face at him. “You didn’t cum in your pants for me?”

He smiles wickedly. “I held it in for you.”

“Why would you do that?” You ask, an annoyed look taking over your face.

“Wanna cum inside you,” he whispers, nipping on your bottom lip.

You scrunch your eyebrows together. “I don’t think you deserve it, Anton.”

“I don’t deserve it after blowing your brains out?”

“You should’ve cummed with me the first time!” You exclaim, feeling heated over the subject. “Honestly, how much do you like me squirting when you can’t even soil your pants over it?”

He chuckles because of your defensiveness. “Here I was thinking you’d be glad because this way we can get right to it—”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

He tilts his head to the side. “Huh?”

“My love,” you say calmly, trying to sound as patient as he was with you a minute ago. “I like to make you weak as much as you like to make me weak.”

“Ahhhh,” he mumbles, realization dawning on his features.

“So, next time be weak for me, all right?”

“Got it, love,” he says, giving you a happy smile you can’t help but return.

You move your hand to his face, feeling the softness of his underlip with your thumb. Then you’re pulling him in for a kiss and moving your tongue inside of his mouth. He tastes like your pussy and something still undeniably him, and you sigh against his mouth, sucking his tongue and biting his lips. He kisses you tenderly, tucking strands of your hair over your ear and massaging your shoulders. You can’t get enough of him.

When you separate for air, your eyes glint at his, hand going down to press on his bulge. “Great, now fuck me.”

Anton groans and bites your cheek. “You’re so romantic, baby.”

You laugh while you try to tug the waistband of his jeans down, but his hips being so close to yours hinder your actions. He gives you a peck and then slides down the bed to stand up, yanking his pants away and revealing his briefs, a moist patch on its front. Then he’s pulling that down, too, and his cock slaps against his abdomen while he kicks the clothes off.

You lick your lips staring at his puffy cock, moistness accumulated on his swollen tip. He goes back to the bed, climbing atop of you. You quickly wrap your hand around the root of his shaft, then collect his precum on his head to smear it all over his length. Anton whines, his forehead hitting your shoulder.

“So sensitive, right?” You whisper over his ear. “Maybe you wouldn’t be if you hadn’t held it in…”

He snickers, biting on your shoulder. “I said I got it, baby. Can we drop the subject now?”

You humph, squeezing his tip, earning a moan from him. “I’m just making a point here, pretty boy. I can tease too.”

“You tease me all the time by being you,” he whispers against your skin, moving his mouth to your neck. “Being annoyed at me only makes you hotter.”

You smile and kiss the end of his shoulder. “Well, then you should fuck your hot girlfriend, baby.”

He’s so quick to pull back from your shoulder that you almost laugh at him. “How do you want it?”

“Spoon me,” you say and he gets off of you so you can lay sideways.

Once you’re positioned, he comes behind you, chest pressing against your shoulder blades and left arm fitting in the space between your neck and the mattress to wrap around your torso, his hand gripping on your opposing shoulder. He places his other hand on the inside of your right thigh to separate it a little from the left one, getting his hips close to yours. His dick hits the swell of your ass and you wiggle your butt to feel more of it.

“You like that I get so deep like this, don’t you?” He taunts, lips on your earlobe raising goosebumps on your body.

You reach your hand back to grip on his hip bone. “Anton, just shut up and fuck me.”

You love the man, you really do, but sometimes — mainly in bed, when you’re horny and desperate — he just talks way too damn much.

“Alright, Miss Editor,” he says with a chuckle. “So impatient tonight.”

You feel his knuckles skimming against your skin as he grabs his dick to tap it on your cunt, his head sliding against your folds. You both sigh at the first contact, chests contracting and expanding at the same time, and you dig your nails at his skin. Then Anton is moving his hips back and positioning himself, his tip prodding at your entrance for a moment before he’s gliding inside in one swift motion until he bottoms out, your arousal making it smooth and painless.

Anton releases a sigh when his hips are flush against yours and you feel suspended in the air and filled, your chest falling forward, your back separating from his chest and your hands supporting yourself on the sheets.

“Oh fuck,” you moan, voice already strained.

Anton doesn’t let you be distant from him for too long. He pulls you right back against his body, hand moving down from your shoulder to your boob, and thrusts into you shallowly. 

“Stay with me, love,” he whispers in your ear.

You move your hand to grip onto his forearm, grounding yourself whilst you feel your pussy throbbing around him. “Tonie,” you say breathlessly. “Feels so full, so deep.”

He wraps his free arm around your waist, bringing you impossibly closer to him, rocking your hips forward together, making sure he’s buried within you to the hilt. “That’s why you chose this position, right?”

“Mhmm,” you murmur, pressing your lips to his wrist. “Can you move, baby?”

You feel him nod against your neck and a moment later he’s going almost all the way out, letting only his tip inside, and then pushing forward again, until he hits your deepest walls. He does it three times in a row and it’s like you can feel him all the way from your core to your lungs, his thrusts pushing air right out of you and leaving you breathless.

You move your hand back to his hip again for support.  Anton takes the moment to slide his hand down your butt, fingers spreading around one of your ass cheeks as he rests the top of his head between your shoulder blades to watch the way you take him in, keeping his thrusts slow and steady.

“Look at the way your pussy takes my cock, fuck,” he says, groaning in between his words. “Always stretching up for me so good, wrapping all around me.”

“Anton,” you moan, aiding his movements with your hand, trying to pull him closer and deeper inside you.

He starts pressing kisses over your skin and his hand lightly slaps your ass, rubbing the place right after, the sting making you clench around him. “I could live inside this pussy forever.”

His words get to you, like it always happens, and your eyes roll to the back of your head. “Holy fucking shit.”

“Would you like that, baby?” He whispers, his lips pressing on your neck, the hand on your boob flicking your nipple. “I bet you would. You love having me inside of you.”

You nod, sure that he can see you. “Yeah. I’m obsessed with—” The next words die in your mouth, replaced by a hiss when his hand pulls your leg up, changing the angle slightly.

“Obsessed with what, baby?” He asks, as if he’s not making your train of thought weaker by the second.

“With you… and your cock,” you say through gritted teeth while he starts to speed his pace. “Just obsessed. Love the way you fill me up.”

You’re not lying. You are obsessed with his dick. Truefully, you’re obsessed with all of him. Probably just as much as he’s obsessed with you. You make the hottest maniac couple possible.

You can’t see his face correctly, but you know he’s smiling because of the noise he makes, his smugness showing up from his sounds and the snap of his hips on yours. “I know you do, baby. Can’t get enough of this dick, right? You act like a little slut for it.”

“Jesus, baby…” You’re all out of words, your body and mind being consumed by him.

“My girl got a pussy made for me to fuck,” he praises, hand gripping your thigh so hard you’re a positive he’s bruising you. “Fucking perfect, made for me. Perfect for me.”

“You— you’re the one who’s perfect,” you stutter out, moving your lips to press kisses on his knuckles.

“You’re perfect for me and I’m perfect for you,” he states, his hand going from your thigh to your face, making you turn your head so he can look into his eyes. “We’re made for each other.”

And then he kisses you, stealing what’s left of your breath, tongue licking your lips and invading your mouth. After that, he taps two of his fingers on your lips and you take them in, sucking on them languidly as you give him the sultriest look you can muster. He smiles at you and puts the same fingers around your nipple, wetting it with your saliva as he twitches the peaked bud. His lips descend upon your neck to wrap around your other boob and he sucks on the neglected nipple. You moan and arch your back, driving your ass and hips back in time with his growing thrusts forward, mind going dizzy from how good you’re feeling.

Anton smiles around your breast, looking up at your face and you see in his eyes how much he loves driving you crazy. It makes you put your hands around his head and pull his lips back to yours, kissing him with all your might. You love him so much you think you might explode sometimes.

His hips start to hit you with more force and speed and you pull back for air, but keep his face close to yours, mouths still connected and breaths mingling whenever one of you moans, sharing kisses, licks and bites on each other’s lips.

“Love of my life,” Anton whispers over your mouth. “I love you so fucking much.”

From the very first time you fucked, Anton showed you how much he valued connection. Yes, you two love to try out freaky positions and new ways to pleasure each other. However, he said it time and time again the one thing that surpassed all of it was being close to you. Nothing could compare to the feeling of his skin against yours, of you being wrapped on his body and inside his embrace, gaze locking with yours and his hands being free to roam all around you.

He made you addicted to the feeling as well and without even noticing you started to always search for positions where he’d be pressed as close to you as possible.

The position you’re in right now is good, but not ideal, mainly after his thrusts became faster, his hips sending you lurching with each snap as his arms pulled you back to him, throwing your body back and forth. When he grabbed your face to kiss you, it just turned more uncomfortable, your body now twisted at the waist to keep looking at him as he pounds on you from behind.

You’re about to ask him for a change when he proves he’s one step ahead of you, slowing down his thrusts to a stop and rocking his hips one more time before pulling out. “Gotta change,” he says breathlessly, resting your thighs back on the mattress. “Need to look into your eyes while having you.”

“Should I ride you?” You ask, but he’s already moving over you and pushing your shoulder until your back hits the sheets, his other hand spreading your thighs open.

“Maybe for the second round,” he says and you chuckle, not quite believing he has the energy to think of doing all of this again. “Be my pillow princess for now, baby. Let me take good care of you.”

He sits on his haunches and secures your legs apart before moving a hand back to his cock, pressing on his leaking tip and then moving it down to the base. He teases you both for a second while he taps his cock on your folds, hissing with you in unison, and then he’s passing through your hole and pushing inside again, hips kissing yours.

You clench around him almost as an instinct and Anton throws his head back, reveling in the way you wrap around his cock, his hips pushing you forward. He lowers his chest to meet yours, caging you in between his arms that press on the sheets on both sides of your head, looming over you and dipping the mattress with his weight.

“Still soaking wet and tight for me even after we’ve done this a million times,” he says, pulling back slightly to drive inside you with more force. “You make it so hard to hold myself back.”

You move your hands to his neck, feeling his hair damp with sweat. “Don’t hold back. I want you to feel good.”

“Don’t worry.” He moves a hand to your waist, pressing you against the sheets and thrusting in again. “I always feel good when I’m inside you, baby.”

You wrap your legs around his lower back, crossing your ankles together and pressing your heels on his ass to force him to fuck you with more power. “Baby, you have no idea what you do to me,” you mumble, moving your lips to press on the apple of his cheek. “I feel like I’m addicted to you.”

Anton all but melts, slowing down to look directly in your eyes and pay attention to what you’re saying. “Yeah, baby?”

“I need you to know how much I need you,” you say, your voice starting to falter, your hands getting antsy and squeezing his shoulders. “I’d never ever think about replacing—”

He soothes you with a hand on your face, sweeping your hair back. “Shhh, I know, baby, I know.”

“No, you don’t.” You shake your head, eyes glazing over him. “I really don’t want anyone else. You’re the one for me.”

“I know, love,” he coos, stroking your face and kissing your temple. “You’re it for me, too, sweet girl.”

“I fucking love you,” you utter, your lips skiming against his at each word, in the same beat as he thrusts deep inside you. “Nothing— no one else measures up to this, you and me.”

He smiles, resting his forehead against yours. “You and me, baby. That's all that matters.”

You seal your vows with a kiss, your mouths clicking like puzzle pieces. Just like how your body fits beneath his, how his hands are carved to drag on your skin, how your fingers are modeled to grip his hair and your nails to rake through his back, how both of your moans sync up, harmonizing together, how his hips attach on the dip of yours, how his cock is suit to fuck you, how your pussy is made to suck it in.

There’s so many messy aspects of your lives, so much baggage you both carry. But this, being together, belonging with each other is what makes all the imperfection make sense, no matter how fucked up life gets.

Anton licks his way down from your lips to your neck, his mouth suctioning on your pulse point and his hands squeezing your waist. He’s still fucking you leisurely, every movement deliberate and intense, and from the way he digs his fingers into your skin and your moans make your throat hoarse, you know you’ll cum just like this.

“Shit, you’re so freaking perfect,” he chokes, his uneven breaths hitting your skin. “Perfect for me.”

You agree, lifting your hips up to move in tandem with his, chasing your high. “Yes, perfect for you.”

He bites on your earlobe, then speaks over it. “You’re gonna cum for me, my perfect girl? Gonna make a big mess on my cock?”

You speed up the movements a bit, trying to scratch the itch that gnaws at your lower belly, feeling yourself clenching over him. “Yeah, I’m so close, baby,” you gasp.

“That’s it, love, that’s it,” he says, pressing his face on yours again, nuzzling your nose. “You’re taking it so good. Such a good girl for me.”

He grabs one of your legs to crook it, fitting the back of your knee on the bend of his arm and stretching it up. The new move makes him plunge deeper inside you, his tip hitting the back of your walls, right on your g-spot.

“Oh my gosh, Anton,” you whimper, clawing at his lower back. “Don’t stop, please.”

“Fuck, I love how whiny you get every time,” he says, soft and gruff, pressing his lips to your cheeks. “So desperate to cum for me.”

He wraps his forearm around your leg to reach for your pussy, digits rubbing on your clit at rapid pace, in contrast with his slow fucking. You grow agitated, curling your toes and bucking your hips, hands gripping any of his flesh you can reach and a string of broken moans falling from your lips. Anton gulps on each one of your sounds, lips rasping against yours as he moves his free hand to your lower back, pulling you more into him while you arch for him, both still trying to feel every part of you as possible. Your pussy is clenching around him without control right now and you feel your restraint slipping away with each passing second.

“Shit, you’re clenching on me so tight, baby,” he groans, and you see the burning under his eyes, how his hands get more antsy, too. “Gonna make me cum, too.”

“Yesyesyesyesyes,” you mutter like crazy, pressing a hand on his face to smooth down the place between his eyebrows where his skin is squeezed shut, obviously trying to hold himself back. “Anton, inside, please.”

That’s what does it for him. The desperate plea on your lips, how urgent your voice calls his name, asking him to give you his seed. He kisses you one more time and then he’s cumming, hot thick spurts filling you up and triggering your own orgasm. It hits you right in the chest, stealing all breath while you chant his name like a religious hymn.

Anton doesn’t stop, because he never does. He frees your leg and sits on his haunches, grabbing your hips and making you ride the high together, still thrusting inside you whilst your cunt convulses around him, watching how white rings of your hole form around his swelled up cock, speaking nonsense. Once he’s almost done, he slowly dips inside you three more times, rocking his hips forward the most he can on the last one, until he can see his cum leaking out of you from how much he gave you.

He stays connected with you and sinks back down on the bed, fitting his head on the space between your neck and shoulder. You stay silent for a while, letting your labored breath slow down while you’re both brought down from the peak. You notice how loud you were being. The absence of your moans, the rustling of the sheets, of your skin slapping together and your headboard hitting the wall is calming right now, but it also stresses you for a whole different reason.

You rub on Anton’s shoulders and tilt your head to the side to kiss his cheek. “These walls are thick, right?”

He opens his tired eyes to look at you. “Scared we’ll get a noise complaint, baby?”

“I mean, we can’t afford being expelled from the building, Anton,” you say firmly in response to the humour in his voice.

He chuckles and drops a kiss on the bridge of your nose. “Relax, baby. They can’t expel us until we get like three strikes.” 

You look at him quizzically. “What does that mean?”

“Like, we have to be notified three times for the same wrongful behavior,” he explains. “I read the condo regulations when we got this place.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “What did you read it for?”

“Hmm, moments like this?” He says with a teasing smile. “We both know how loud you can get.”

You roll your eyes and push at his shoulder, annoyed. “Get up, you’re all sweaty.”

He doesn’t back down, instead getting his face all up on yours and kissing your cheek. “You like it when I get sweaty.”

“Not like this,” you say, truly feeling sticky with his hot skin still pressed on yours. You try to push him off you, but he doesn’t even budge. “Seriously, baby, I feel gross. And we need to showeeer.”

He tightens his hold around you and pouts. “Gimme a kiss first.”

You give in to him, pressing your lips on his for the last time before he finally lets up, getting off your body, his softening cock pulling out of you. You feel more of his cum dripping out of you as you sit up and move your shaky legs to the side of the bed. Anton follows your movement, staying on his knees and pressing soft kisses on your spine whilst you breathe deeply.

“My hot, annoyed girlfriend,” he whispers on your skin. “I’ll have to fuck you again if you keep up with this act.”

You finally laugh as he kisses his way up your shoulders. “Well, you’re annoying sometimes! Always teasing me, even when I asked you not to!”

“I’m sorry, my love,” he says on your neck. “Would you forgive me if I carry you to the bathroom princess style?”

You pretend to muse on the thought. “Hmm, maybe.”

The next moment he’s up and wrapping one arm around your back and the other under your knees, picking you up to carry you to the en-suite bathroom. You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss his clavicle as he walks and a few seconds later he’s dropping you back to the ground.

“Start without me and I’ll join you in a minute,” he says before giving you a long peck on the lips. “I have to take care of the big mess you left on our sheets.”

He turns his back to you and you swat at his butt for that comment. “See? Annoying!”

Anton just laughs as he gets out of the bathroom, leaving you to it. You sigh and get on the toilet, analyzing your frazzled state in the mirror while you pee. Your hair sticks at odd places, your eyes look glassy and your skin is covered in perspiration and link marks. The boy said he would ruin you and ruin you he did. You sigh happily, the thought making you giddy.

After you clean yourself, you walk on still wobbly legs to your side of the bathroom vanity to grab a hair tie, then move to the shower to turn the faucet on. You brush back your strands with your fingers while you wait for the water to warm up, checking in the mirror that your hair looks decent enough before tying it in a firm bun. You step into the shower stream, then, letting it wash away all the grime and remnants of your lovemaking. Anton joins you a few minutes later, pressing his chest on your back so the water stream hits him, too. You hum contendly when he presses a kiss to the crown of your head.

His aftercare is the best, as always. He cleans you and himself up almost all on his own. You notice how he initially reaches for your body wash, but ends up brushing it aside to grab his body wash, lathering you up with bubbles. You keep your lips sealed about it as he scrubs you softly with your violet sponge, even getting down on his knees to brush it over your legs and feet, making you laugh. He also lets you hog the stronger stream of water, too busy kissing and caressing your skin to care for it. It all feels so good you start to feel sleepy. Once you’re done, he wraps you both in your matching fluffy white robes and pulls you back with him to the bedroom, kissing your lips again.

As you step in the bedroom, the room feels chilly and fresh, the pine scent of your air freshener spray lingering in the air. Your bed is made with new crispy white sheets and a pair of Anton’s pajamas rest over the quilt. He grabs the bottoms and starts to put them on and you move to your wardrobe to catch a nightie for you. But he’s quick to pull you back to him by your wrist, the top part of his pajamas in hand.

“Would you mind wearing this tonight?” He asks, voice soft and careful. “Please? For me?”

It’s funny how he’s gingerly requesting you something while towering over you, big shoulders and arms on display. A strong bulky man turned uncertain and sweet in front of his much weaker and dainty girlfriend.

“Sure, baby,” you reply, opening your robe and letting it fall off your shoulders. You reach your arms up and look at Anton expectantly. “Can you help me put it on, please?”

He gives you a giddy smile and rushes to do just that, helping by putting his shirt on you, first passing your arms through the holes first and then your head. He pulls it down until the comfy fabric hugs your body nicely and the bottom of it reaches until a little past your butt. With this, you’re completely wrapped around Anton's scent. Which definitely was his goal all along.

He makes it crystal clear when he wraps his arms around your waist, lifting you up and putting his nose right on your neck and inhaling deeply. “You smell so good, baby.”

You giggle, crossing your arms over his neck. “I smell like you, you mean.”

He pulls back with an embarrassed smile, a pink tint flushing his ears. “Exactly.”

You press your hand on the nape of his neck and pull him down to kiss him languidly. Anton hums happily on your lips, sitting down on the bottom of the bed and moving you to his lap. You sit with your legs perpendicular to his and wrap yourself tightly in his embrace, giving smooches on his face and neck.

When you pull back, Anton is smiling like a school boy at you. “Oh, I already ordered some jajangmyeon and fried chicken for us. It should be here in a few minutes,” he tells you.

You smile back at him and move a hand to your now growling stomach at the mention of your favorite comfort food. “Wow, you really are the love of my life.”

He nods proudly and grips your hand to press kisses onto your open palm. You trace the lines of the muscles on his shoulder with your free hand while he does it, scouring your mind for a way to softly broach the subject of his obvious jealousy.

Then you sigh and decide to just rip the bandaid off. 

“So, uh,” you start uncertain, and his eyes go to yours, showing he’s listening to you, his lips still pressed on your palm. “The Sungchan thing really bothered you, right?”

Anton tenses and pauses mid-kiss on your skin, his body becoming stiff under yours. He scrunches his eyebrows together and shrugs, trying too hard to seem laid back. “No, not at all. Does it look like I’m bothered?”

You bite on your lower lip and nod slowly, seeing his cheeks blushing.

“Oh,” he mutters after a beat, dropping your hand and looking down. “Well, I guess it did bug me a little bit, then.”

You scratch on his hair, trying to be supportive, and softly ask, “Can you tell me why, baby?”

“I don’t know,” he says, still looking down, suddenly very engrossed in pulling at a thread on his pants. “I mean, you told me all about him. And I think, maybe, knowing it all— Like how he was your first real thing, the first guy that you actually loved… It all made me a little insecure. And then he appeared out of nowhere and he’s obviously tall and handsome. And then he’s flirting with you, you said so yourself, and you’re chatting up with him all buddy-buddy—”

“I wasn’t buddy-buddy with him,” you say and Anton looks at you exasperated with the interruption, but you gaze back at him with an adamant expression. “We just talked. He heard about the promotion when I was speaking with you and asked me about it. Honestly, it didn’t mean anything to me, baby.”

“I’m not saying it meant something to you. But he was very obviously trying to get you, even after he saw you were committed. I’m not dumb, Y/N. It just upset me.”

“But I rejected him. Very clearly, at that — like no, thanks, you wouldn’t have a chance with me even if I didn’t have my amazing ass boyfriend.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t know all of that,” he huffs, still brooding. 

“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t give you a play by play of our talk while you ravaged me,” you say, voice full with sarcasm.

He gives you a pointed look. “You could’ve told me before that!”

“And how was I supposed to know you were so upset about it if you didn’t say something?” you counter. “I know I’m great and all, but I can’t read minds yet, Anton.”

He shrugs and pouts. “Anyway, you asked me how I felt about it and that’s it.”

“You’re so cute when you’re this jealous,” you tease, squishing his cheeks and finally getting back at him from all the ways he taunted you tonight. Anton glares at you and you soften up, holding his face tenderly, your thumbs rubbing at his jaw. “Look, baby, I meant every word I said. You’re it for me. There’s no one else, no ex or past fling that can whisk me away from you, especially not a fuckboy like him.”

He nods at every word out of your mouth, eyes understanding.

“I completely get why you felt troubled tonight,” you continue. “But I guess you’ll just have to take my word for it when I say it doesn’t matter what he or anyone else tries to do, I won’t leave you. You’re stuck with me, baby boy. No take backs. No running away. No cheating. It’s you and me until the end… okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” he replies. His eyes are set firm now and you can tell he feels more confident by your reassurance. 

“You trust me, right?”

“I trust you, baby. And I feel the same way. You and me, always.”

“Always,” you nod, giving him a happy smile and looking him deep in his eyes. “I love you so bad.”

He visibly melts, his hands pressing on your waist again. “I love you, baby.” And a beat after he asks, “Was it okay, though? The possessive thing?”

You squint your eyes at him and stretch your arms around his back. “Well, I didn’t use our safe word…”

“I know, I’m just checking in,” he explains. “I  think I should’ve asked your color, right? But I was just so into it.”

“I was into it, too,” you confess, shimmying yourself further into his arms. “Honestly, it was freaking hot. You can do that again whenever you’d like.”

He laughs and pulls you closer, until your chest is flush against his. “Dirty girl.”

“What was it that you said again? That you’d love if he saw me like—”

“No, I said he can’t ever have you like that again. Never.”

“Never is such a strong word, baby,” you tease.

Anton’s eyes harden. “Is that your way of begging me to wreck you again? Because I will do it, Y/N,” he warns.

“I’m kidding!” You say, arms going up as if you're surrendering yourself. “Damn, tough crowd.”

“Wow, you should do stand up comedy, baby,” he sneers, still moping.

After that, you spend a while peppering kisses over his face to get him back to his smiling self and soon enough he’s cheerfully kissing you back.

“Oh, one more thing,” you say suddenly, rearing back to look at him. “You know what we talked about celebrating?” Anton nods and you barrel on. “I was thinking about how once you finish your residency, I’ll also be a year settled in my new spot at work. So we could totally take a few days off, maybe plan a big trip…”

“Oh, I like how you think, dirty girl,” he says and you jokingly slap at his arm. “No, seriously, that’s a great idea, love. Were you thinking about somewhere special?”

You nip at your bottom lip, nervous. “I was, actually.”

Anton moves his thumb to your mouth, brushing on your bottom lip to release it from your teeth. “Tell me, baby.”

“I was thinking… New Jersey,” you say with a smile.

Anton’s eyes widen at your answer and he corrects his posture a little, sitting up a little straighter. “Wait, really?”

“Really,” you reply, wrapping your arms around his cheeks as his shocked bright eyes look at you. “I just want to know the place you grew up in. You already got to know all my family, my town, my school friends, everything… It’s only fair I get to know yours too, right?”

“Shit, I love you so much,” he says suddenly, catching you by surprise. He places his hands on your face and pulls you in, resting his forehead against yours. “You have no idea how happy you make me.”

Heat rushes to your face because of his praise and you smooth your thumbs over the sides of his neck as he looks at you with stars in his eyes. It’s crazy how he still makes you feel like a shy schoolgirl after all this time. “I take it you like the idea, then?”

“I love it,” he whispers, pressing his lips on yours for a brief moment. “I can’t wait to show you around. And I’ll get to show you off to my friends, too!”

You smile seeing his happiness. “I’m glad you love it, baby. We should start planning it soon.”

He nods and pulls you to a hug, resting his chin on the top of your head. You hug him back just as tightly while you breathe together for a moment. Then Anton breaks the silence, “Wanna know what else we’ll get to do once we’re in New Jersey?”

“What?” You whisper.

Anton doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, he moves his face to drop kisses on your shoulder, making you sigh. It’s a simple action, but it already riles you up and ignites a flame on your core, and soon you’re whining in his arms. That’s when he finally replies, his breath blowing over the damp skin he just kissed, “I’ll get to fuck you on my teenager bedroom, too.”

“Shit, baby,” you whimper, tugging on his hair, feeling yourself flush with heat.

You press your thighs together while you think about it, the scenario automatically appearing inside your mind. You imagine Anton rushing you into his bedroom, how he’d get you on his twin bed and drop to his knees while taking your pants off. How he’d move a finger to his lips to ask you to be silent before he starts dropping kisses all over your thigh. And how he’d spread you apart and close his lips on—

“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” Anton asks, interrupting your imagination and you bite your lips at being caught red-handed.

“Yeah,” you reply faintly while he keeps kissing your body, his mouth now on your jaw. You let your hands wander over his chest and arms, pressing on the muscles he carefully built over the years.

“Filthy, dirty girl,” he mutters teasingly, digging his fingers on your hips as he squeezes you against him. “You really want me to destroy you again.”

“You started it!” You accuse, driving your pointer finger into his chest.

“And I’m gonna finish it, baby,” he says playfully, pulling you in to kiss you.

You kiss him back, letting his tongue invade your mouth, and then, just as the kiss starts to get more desperate, your hands roaming over each other, the doorbell rings.

You push on his chest and leap out of his lap. “Yay, food’s here.”

Anton shakes his head at your happiness state because of food when he’s already half-hard in his boxers. But he can’t help but smile when you beckon him to follow you, hollering giddily, “Let’s eat, my love!”

He’s on your tail a second later, wrapping his arms around your waist and hauling you up, making you squeal. “Yeah, let's eat so we can quickly get to the dessert after,” he whispers with his lips over the shell of your ear, making you shiver all over.

The next day, while you’re having a fresh cup of coffee Anton made for you, a small piece of paper is flown under your door. 

Anton grabs it and smiles, walking back to your kitchen table to place it down in front of you. 

You take a peek at it with sleepy eyes and then tilt your head up to him. “A noise complaint?”

He drops down just enough to put a hand on the back of your head and peck your mouth. Then he whispers proudly over your lips, “Strike one, baby.”

As he laughs, you roll your eyes at him, not believing this silly annoying man is the love of your life.

But you’re so happy he is.

This might be my most self-insert work to this date. So many of reader's struggles are inspired by my own life, and that's why this story is very very very dear to me. As always, comments are appreciated. You can also talk to me about the fic on my askbox or tip me on my ko-fi, if you want. As always, thank you for reading!

[trauma-express]

I wanted to talk a bit about how actually looking through the series, Grace seems be to doing a lot of them emotional support in her relationship with Simon. Simon seems to rely on that support without offering much in return.

In The Musical Car and the Jungle Car we see Grace trying to cheer Simon up over being separated from the Apex. She tries to joke and give him things to do to keep himself from just worrying. This seems to just come naturally from their differing personalities, but it’s there in the beginning of the Book.

In The Debutante Ball Car she also regrets bringing up the Cat seeing how upset Simon looks at it. She tries to move on with a joke and reassure him that they have time to deal with Tuba.

But in Le Chat Chalet Car when Grace is staring unhappily at her hand, Simon doesn’t seem to notice anything is wrong. He’s just annoyed at Tuba and tries to get Grace’s attention so they can move on.

In their argument later, Grace looks like she regrets her comment about Simon needing her to make decisions for him, though she goes back to being annoyed. She also later apologizes for not acknowledging his feelings. There is also a small moment of her checking in with him before asking The Cat about the snow.

Simon does not realize Grace might also be upset until she lets him know, nor apologize for arguing with her over circumstances she couldn’t control. Still, in this scene he does offer her emotional support over her worries.

Then in The Canyon of the Golden Winged Snake Car, Grace gets angry with Simon when he grabs her. He clearly hasn’t considered that things between them might be tense at the moment after killing Tuba and belittling Hazel’s grief (also if someone says don’t touch them just don’t). But she looks guilty seeing Simon upset, though she stops herself from apologizing, just trying to smile at him to seem like she isn’t actually angry. 

Simon meanwhile, doesn’t think to apologize, reflect on what happened, or ask her what is going on, instead going to the Cat to find some way to deal with her “not acting like she should” and shutting him out.

Then after the truth about Hazel comes out and Simon finds out Grace kept it from him (out of fear for Hazel’s life!), he gets much angrier. He does not care at all how upset Grace is over Hazel leaving, simply feeling jealous and betrayed rather than any sympathy for the person he was so close to for eight years.

Grace meanwhile is upset, but still feels some sympathy for Simon when he expresses anger over the lies. The storyboard even labels this expression as guilty. Even though Simon has rapidly spiraled into cruelty and is currently messing with her mind in a very literal sense, Grace feels guilty. Meanwhile the storyboard says Simon looks disappointed as he leaves Grace.

And we also see that their very first meeting involved Grace comforting Simon and him looking to her for support/answers, feeding into the dynamic they would eventually have

And it ends in their fight in The New Apex, where Grace saves Simon’s life and says that she knows he’s hurting. She also, however, declares that she does not owe him anything and is not responsible for his problems. Simon, meanwhile, tries to kill her multiple times, and feels that she does “owe” him.

Their relationship was definitely shaped by a lack of healthy adult figures, other peers, or boundaries. The way it turned out makes sense with them having no one else to rely on for a long time. However, Grace was willing to change and make other connections, while Simon refused to look at other perspectives and tried to cling to what he knew, alongside the subtext of his romantic interest in her.

[the-s1lly-corner]

HAIII!!! Could you write a TADC cast x child reader that is a weighted pillow (could be parental like or sibling-like (plantonic)). Like the reader is basically temperature proof and gets carried around like a light sack of potatoes, or used as a pillow in general! Since the reader is a pillow they sew themselves clothes (a.k.a cushions) that match the others and also sews things for the others. Is also used as a comfort pillow or plushie. It's alright if you don't wanna write this! I completely understand 😊

Various TADC characters a child!weighted pillow!reader (platonic)

Speaking of weighted stuff, I got a weighted blanket last year and god I do not regret it-- only complaint is that it's hard to fold due to its weight

Characters: jax, pomni, kinger

Notes: platonic post, gn reader, short post, you and jax have more of a sibling dynamic whereas pomni and kinger are more like parental guardians

CWs: none

JAX

he thinks its funny how sometimes you just. drop like a sack of potatoes. its the thud that gets him- of course hes going to casually ask you if youre alright... and you always are, so its nothing to really worry about

he doesnt really seek you out as a pillow or plushie, hes not really the type to find comfort in those sorts of things... though... hes probably yoinked you up and used you as a pillow during adventures that required a lot of travel and being stuck in a car or something- youre put on neck rest duty

kind of rolls his eyes when you make an outfit for yourself to match with him- get your own style, kid... he doesnt make you put something else on, though so maybe he doesnt dislike it as much as he pretends he does

POMNI

youre a lot heavier than you look- not that your weight was crushing... she just didnt expect you to have a little weight to you..! she puts you down almost immediately to prepare herself to carry you off somewhere... you probably fell asleep after a rather exciting day

will instantly rush to you to check in on you after you fall and trip on your face with a nice healthy thud- she sometimes forgets one cant really get injured in the circus... but that still sounded like it hurt... you dont seem all that phased by it, though.. subconsciously lingers around you to try to catch you if you ever trip

doesnt really use you as a pillow or plushie, of course if you need to huddle into someone for comfort shes not going to stop you! weighted objects never did much for her comfort wise, though...

KINGER

with the way you fall he thinks you might have collapsed or died the first few times you face planted into the ground. you fall so quickly thanks to whatever weights your digital body carries... it kind of feels like tiny beads.. odd hand feel but its... soothing to roll them around between his fingers..

automatically becomes your dad figure- even if hes not totally there he feels compelled to be there for you in case something happens or you need something

has tried to catch you after you get lightly flung during an adventure. his hands get yoinked and pinned under you- completely failing to catch you... even still its an instinct to reach out and catch you when you plop down next to him for a nap

[all-pacas]

house live-ish blogging: occam's razor (time to be unbearable about my faves)

this definitely is one of the sillier openings right. the "rough and wild sex" thing. it's so funny how this was like. pre hbo got era, that this show was Edgy and Adult for this shit

another episode where cameron is on the whiteboard

house makes fun of cameron briefly and there's this long "can you believe this" look between her and chase. what does it mean (besides they are friends)

every now and then chase loses his patience or gets exasperated or something and just. says Wild Shit. "i get stupid when i'm scared," apologizes the patient's girlfriend. "don't go rockclimbing," he advises her. it's a very consistent trait of his, particularly when he's annoyed; the show doesn't play his little remarks as punchlines, but it is definitely snark.

i bet cameron and chase both lie awake cringing about this episode post-divorce lmao (i bet they also lay awake remembering this episode during their relationship eyooo 😏)

foreman once again being the main character, taking charge in a differential and writing on the whiteboard. house even compliments him for reading a textbook! sincerely!

chase glances over at cameron when house compliments foreman and i cannot tell if it's chase thinking about her naked again or trying to commiserate about no longer being dad's favorite. either way.

foreman continuing to be the main character by doubting house and roping the other two into pulling all-nighters with him. honestly, it's a shame we lost this -- foreman never stops challenging house, but the first few episodes really set up a dynamic that's more… oppositional, more of a rivalry. foreman is often right, often just as smart as house, just as much of a leader as house. i can easily imagine a version of the show where they were presented as equals and rivals.

i hope at the camchase wedding foreman made a long speech about the time chase insisted he didn't want to jump cameron when he clearly did, and how cameron spend the rest of the week sexually harassing him about it

…that said foreman is such an instigator lmao. chase is staring at cameron and having Impure Thoughts, but he showed no intention of acting on it - when they do interact he's pretty normal - but foreman goes to cameron and tells her all about it, and that makes cameron start sexually harassing chase, and i hope foreman remembers his mistake during fwb era and regrets his poor choices

what was cameron's endgame if foreman hadn't walked in just then btw. would she have grabbed chase's ass or what

camchase i could never hate you. dumb slut / horny freak solidarity 😌

there's a scene in the script where the kids are prepping the patient for surgery and cameron talks to chase and confirms she's attracted to him (and also says she has no interest in dating him / we can rise above our stupid base instincts), and i -

CHASE: I don't want to jump you, you know. CAMERON: Yes, you do. CHASE: No, really — CAMERON: House is right. We're animals. We want to procreate, we want healthy offspring, so we want to jump beautiful people. You want to jump me. I want to jump you. CHASE: You do? CAMERON: ['House is an idiot'] House is wrong. We're not animals. Just because we want something doesn't make it okay. I want to scratch your eyes out when you look at me like that, but I keep it to myself. We're capable of rising above our nature; capable of not spending all day jumping every beautiful thing we see. CHASE: …You want to jump me? CAMERON: It's not going to happen. So stop looking at me like that.

i really love this scene, i'm not kidding. it's really good. it ties in exactly to cameron in s2, in spin, talking about how she fell in love and didn't act on it because she keeps herself in control, she can control her actions if not her desires. it's something she does a lot, deprive herself, avoid: she quits later in s1 to avoid being vulnerable, she refuses to date chase in s3 to avoid the same. it ties in to fucking hunting, and cameron and the patient arguing about this same thing: doing what you want versus what is expected and right and proper. cameron trying to live for once — for the only time — in the moment, and what does she do? when she's acting on her desires instead of her control? she fucks chase.

i'm not trying to make a point like cameron has always wanted him, always liked him (although this scene and hunting and s6's lockdown retcon where she explains her actions do make a compelling case), it's just. this is cameron. she's so fucking repressed. she never lets herself do what she wants. she never lets herself want.

it's also fun because it explains why chase shoots his shot at the end of the episode lol. "you want to jump me 🥺"

[xjulixred45x]

OKAY! I HAVE SUCCUMBED TO THE VOICES OF MY LATEST HYPERFIXATION: LEGO MONKEY KID! UNTIL I SATISFY THEM I WON'T BE ABLE TO WORK ON ANY REQUEST! Get ready for the most absurd rants you've ever heard about Jttw, lmk AND EPIC THE MUSICAL! YOU ARE WARNED!

I find it somewhat funny how the vast majority of adaptations of Sun Wukong leave out that the Monkey King HAD A WIFE. a fucking wife that he KIDNAPPED AND FORCED TO BECOME HIS BRIDE.

She literally appears singing about this :'D before Nezha and his father rescue her.

and while I was learning about this, I couldn't help but think about the songs from Calypso, from Epic: the Musical (another recent hyperfixation) and in some way relate it to Monkey Kid.

after all, LMK's Wukong knows that the things he did when he was young were QUESTIONABLE to say the least (he literally said it) and that he regrets many things, and I wondered what his dynamic would have been like in that case with Jiaozi (his "wife ").

and that is precisely why I relate it to Love in Paradise in a certain way.

Like, we know that this Wukong definitely had good intentions, which were initially driven by good reasons, but which became more and more selfish, so here perhaps he could have brought Jiaozi to Flower Fruit Mountain as a direct response to 1- monkey logic + 2- after his trip to the west he needed a way to deal with loneliness and 3- demonic courtship is WILD.

Anyway, I can see this more (ONLY IN LMK) as a response to mourning and handling loss (the Brotherhood? Macaque? is up to your interpretation) and that he really doesn't know how to manage/communicate his emotions in a healthy way.

Imagine being Jiaozi, being taken from your comfortable princess life overnight, waking up in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE with a monkey man who is too... friendly to be a kidnapper?

Like, lmk's Wukong acts just like Calypso, with a lot of familiarity, his normal confident post-trip to the West self, explains the situation to Jiaozi (but in a much friendlier way than it really is) and she's like "uh HELL NO" but there really isn't much to do against the literal Monkey King, THE SAGE, THE EQUAL TO HEAVEN, and poor Jiaozi is having a full-blown crisis while Wukong doesn't understand why she's so distraught, don't she understand him? They have everything they want and need in the mountains!

Ironically other texts also described Wukong as a "spoiling husband who gave a lot of clothes/food/things to his wife" and that was probably the route he took after the beginning, Wukong has a lot of trash, but he was more than willing to share with Jiaozi as long as she was happy, that she wanted him back...love him Back.

He JUST doesn't understand the seriousness of the matter that KIDNAPPING YOUR SPOUSE REALLY IS...until Nezha and His Father come along.

Now, I don't think Wukong is stupid even before that happens, he would see Jiaozi's clear anguish, her sadness, the desire to return to her old life with her family, and although he consoles her and such, he is having a crisis, This is supposed to be normal, right? So why does he feel so bad when he sees her so distressed?

The glass fills slowly but surely.

I don't think he was a bad husband Per se, like I said, he was very pampering and such (maybe even Jiaozi sees him in a certain positive light, even if not as a husband, because of his good deeds of the past), but he had a big problem with taking things too lightly and not dealing adequately with his emotions.

so when he receives the ultimatum from Nezha and company, he has a very Im not Sorry for Loving You moment.

in which he does just that, he explains to Jiaozi that he let her go with Nezha, that he regrets having made her go through all this just out of selfish fear, and he very much regrets not regretting loving her even so (many years of being alone screwed him up a little head, so this type of interaction definitely marked his isolation even more in the future).

Even if in lmk Jiaozi doesn't keep track of him or anything like that, she makes it clear to him that she couldn't love him the way he wants her to love him. and it hurts, but it hurts good. because he learns from it.

(PS, it would be quite ironical if this Jiaozi marry Nezha of all people lol)

waaaaaaa I just love finding parallels between my hyperfixations, I will soon publish another one, but it will be much fluffier and from this same fandom.

(the songs that give the idea)

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

[readingwithmars]

a little life — hanya yanagihara review

rating : ★★★★✮ (4.5)

started : jan 19th, 2025 / finished : feb 14th, 2025

TW: self harm, sexual abuse, suicide, homophobia

there is… a lot to unpack here. i’ve heard a lot of things about this book, some good, some bad. i also am aware that the author is very ignorant when it comes to mental health and it shows up at times in her writing but i wanted to read this book because no matter how many articles i read or youtube videos i watched on the topic of this book essentially spoiling the whole story for me, i couldn't get it out of my mind. i knew i had to read it so my brain would quiet. and i don't regret my decision. now, i have a lot of opinions on this book. it's going to be a bit messy, basically just a blurb of my thoughts but lets start first where my problems lie with this book.

firstly, as i said before, hanya yanagihara is very ignorant when it comes to mental health and even a bit pretentious from what i’ve seen in interviews. she has stated openly that she believes talk therapy does not work and that therapists should encourage suicide despite never having participated in talk therapy herself, which is an absolutely disgusting view on mental illness and therapy. she's basically implying that some people are completely unfixable and the only way to fix some people is to end their own life. i highly disagree with this, as most would. some people may not want to be fixed but that doesn't mean that they are unfixable. talk therapy does work and it is a team effort.

i also don't care for the way hanya yanagihara talks about queerness. there's one line in the book about an unnamed female character “turning lesbian” which i didn't appreciate very much. now as for willem, i understand the confusion with his own sexuality — trust me, i get it, as a queer person myself. but the fact that it was implied that he HAD to pick between gay or straight irked me. it's okay to be bisexual. that doesn't just go for willem but for anyone else reading this too. it's okay to be attracted to more than one gender.

now, i know a lot of people don't like this book because most consider its constant tragedy to be “trauma porn”. it can be heavy and hard to read and just downright tragic. not everyone wants to kick back with a book like that, to read about constant dispair and i totally understand that. especially considering the great detail some of these tragedies are described, specifically jude’s sexual abuse and self harming.

speaking of jude’s self harming, i’ve heard a lot of people think it's harmful that jude was written this way, that all depressed people are categorized into being only extremely sad, only ever wanting to inflict self harm all the time, and while i agree that not every depressed person is like this, some are. some have felt like jude. and while i do not agree with hanya yanagihara’s views of mental health and think she's extremely ignorant and close-minded, i do think she captures pain and grief very well in her writing.

now, i’m going to get into how i feel, personally, about the book. yes, i think at some points the detail is excruciating, especially the parts touching on jude’s adolescence but that aside, i actually really see myself in jude, in how he views himself and life, which is pretty damn bleak. pretty gloomy. at a lot of points in this book, when jude would get in his head, when he'd self destruct, it felt as though the words were taken right from my brain and put on paper. not only this but i loved jude and willem’s dynamic. it wasn't always healthy, but sometimes i wish i had someone like willem for myself. someone who made waking up every day worth it.

so, to put it simply, i found comfort (as wild as it may seem) in a lot of parts in this book. even though jude isn't real, i know some people relate to the way he views life and knowing i’m not alone in my own struggle with mental health is very validating.

i’ve heard some didn't like the ending but i personally did. i think the way it ended in harold’s point of view (W harold, by the way. best dad ever) was the perfect touch. i like the way the reader sees jude through harold’s eyes, as someone who loved jude unconditionally.

i’m giving the book 4.5 stars because i found myself feeling more heard and comforted than heartbroken. even if the book is not perfect, i still enjoyed it, my views on the author aside.

[anamazingangie]

crisis verse by AmazingAngie | Daemon Targaryen + Rhaenyra + Aegon | Rated E | 50k words total (so far!)

Summary: Daemon was pretty sure when most people had the desire to care for something, they bought a plant—not a night with a pair of siblings who were half his age. But he never regretted the decision.

They were exactly his type, with pale hair he wanted to tug on, fair skin he wanted to nip at, and full lips he wanted to crush with his own. It was arousal at first sight to say the least—but love? Well that followed pretty soon after. 

Now, if someone asked Daemon Targaryen to describe the relationship he had with the pair of siblings that lived in his house, slept in his bed, and regularly sucked his cock, he would….struggle to answer.

But he loved them more than anything, and by some miracle they loved him too. And wasn’t that enough? 

Or: A story about a domineering man and his submissive partners who want nothing more than affection and praise. ft. Dom!Daemon, Bratty!Rhaenyra, and Puppy!Aegon

Universal Pairings: Daemon/Rhaenyra/Aegon, Daemon/Rhaenyra, Daemon/Aegon, Rhaenyra/Aegon

Universal Tags: Age Difference, Modern AU, Light Dom/Sub, Bisexuality, Safe Sane and Consensual, Healthy Relationships, Developing Relationships, Fluff, Smut, All comfort no hurt, Pet Names, Sibling Incest, Praise Kink, Touch Starved, the only thing dysfunctional here is his penis

a sign of maturity (or a midlife crisis) 

Complete 2/2 | 8.2k | Tags: Verbal humiliation, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Oral Fixation, Erectile Dysfunction

Summary:

“They don't have much experience, they need to be broken in gently.”

“The girl—Rhaenyra can be bratty, but like all kittens I think after being claimed she will calm down. And the boy, Aegon, he’s a puppy already, he just needs a firm leg to hump against.”

“And since when have I been into that?”

“Since when haven’t you been into submissive things grinding on your shoes and cock?”

or: Daemon wasn't expecting what happened that night, or how it would change every night after it. But he wasn't complaining, either.

iron out the kinks 

Complete 4/4 | 17.2k | Tags: Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Sex Toys, Anal Play, Verbal Humiliation, Public Sex, Public BJ, Breast Worship, Mention of Other Kinks

Summary:

“What do I like? Well, there is nothing better than coming home from work and finding something pretty waiting for you. Or, I suppose two pretty things.” He corrected.

“I like watching movies with someone in my lap, my fingers in their cunt. Or their mouth wrapped around my cock, just a warm place for my length to sit after a long day.”

“That sounds… good,” Aegon squeaked, and Rhaenyra nodded.

“I think we are compatible, then.” Daemon said with a grin.

or: Figuring out their dynamics and limits, and realizing just how well they fit together.

a mixture of the two

Complete 1/1 | 8.5k | DAEGON FOCUSED | Tags: Dirty Talk, Verbal Humiliation, Sex Toys, Restraints, Light BDSM, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Massage, M/M mentions of other kinks, daemon's dildo collection

Summary:

Daemon knew from personal experience that no dildo, strap, or plug, could compare to the feeling of a bare cock pressing into you. It didn’t matter the size or stretch, there was a heat and roughness that was just different. 

So this was a beautiful thing, Aegon was beautiful in how he wanted to used like this, and how he trusted Daemon to be the one to use him. It was a gift he wouldn’t take for granted. And Rhaenyra? Well, she definitely didn’t mind watching. 

Or: Daemon gives Aegon what he has been begging for.

a soft place to land

Complete 1/1 | 6.3k | DAEMYRA FOCUSED | Tags: Anal Play, Vaginal Sex, Faginal Fingering, Cock Worship, Cock Warming, Oral Fixation, Erectile Dysfunction

Summary:

They kissed while she rode him, and he did his part—thrusting up into her with what little leverage he had. It was lazy, but the perfect type of fuck for a Saturday morning, and she was the perfect girl. 

And then his stupid fucking cock decided to ruin  it.

Or: Daemon's week with Rhaenyra doesn't go as planned. 

(can be read as a standalone one shot)

something really special 

Complete 1/1 | 9k | Tags: Butt Plugs, Public Display of Affection, Mentioned Public Sex, No Sex, 5+1 Things, Implied/Referenced Homophobia

Summary:

It was hard to explain how he felt about them, though he tried, given his friends inquire. 

“They have their flaws, I don’t have them on a pedestal where they are doomed to fall and disappoint me.” 

This was ironic, given that they were literally on a raised platform in front of him right now—and having sex on it, not that, that was fully relevant.

“But gods, it feels like they were put on this earth just for me. Like they are a gift that fell from the heavens and into my lap and it’s my duty—and pleasure to care for them as long as they’ll let me.” 

or: Daemon’s POV as five people find out about his slightly unconventional, and slightly kinky relationship with Rhaenyra and Aegon + the POV of someone who does not find out (something they are all extremely grateful for) 

TBC! Maybe. Dividers by @firefly-graphics banners and whatnot by ME.

[rosehippiefield]

For the ask game, yay <33

Papyrus Undertale, Rio Ranger YTTD and Maple YTTD please <3

Papyrus

How I feel about this character

Somehow he's not my favorite character but I still like him for his kindness. The only monster to not kill you in any circumstances - that is so telling of him. I have never played Undertale but if I did completing genocide route would be a pain.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Nobody probably. I just don't feel like there's a character that is compatible with Papyrus. Undyne could potentially be his pair but for me they are more like friends/mentor and mentee.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Him and Sans because welp bros of the century. They have typical sibling dynamic of being annoyed but still loving their brother more than their lives.

And Undyne too! They are already kind of friends and despite her harsh exterior she is very attached to him.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don't really have something truly unpopular, but the fact that he's not among my most favorite characters may appear surprising. Other than that... I've heard that he was too babied by the fandom, so maybe that.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I would like to see his reaction to us killing Sans. Would he be as forgiving, would he let it slide or would he retaliate? There are probably thousands AUs about this but I don't know them.

Also he kinda befriended Flowey, so maybe in the true pacifist route he could help him heal? Just my wishful thinking

Rio Ranger Rearanger

How I feel about this character

He's not my favorite (and I don't like any fllormaster as much as any participant) but I kinda like him. For me it's understandable why he's so malicious and him being unable to experience positive emotions at all makes me kinda forgive him for... everything... The guy couldn't control it, he was programmed to be jealous and cruel. He was a bad person (doll?), but how could he be good? When he understood his misdeeds, he regretted everything. So like his fate is tragic. I'm not really angry at his antics (even if they were absolutely terrible like wearing dead people's clothes), that's how he was created. Not to mention Sei deal. #Gashu what have you done

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Once again, nobody. I don't feel like he has any normal bonds with people. Safalin is probably a lot older (how mentally old is he actually? Maybe adult but who knows) and even if not she's more of a scientist while he's experiment. Not healthy and he deserves better

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Him and Kai ultimate bros. Thinking about Sei hurts but imagine that they lived though that hell together and betrayed Asunaro and saved everyone and were happy ever after? I think Sei would still feel inferior to Kai but it could be fixed. It could be...

Also him and Safalin as friends/coworkers. It's so funny to see how he bosses Safalin around. I was sorry for her but after Rio Laizer event nope Ranger deserved that. But overall they were an entertaining duo

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don't really have one I suppose. Maybe that I don't think he could be decent and his actions weren't fully his own? The whole theme of responsibility is really hard to think about because I don't want to shift it from him but maybe it's more of Gashu's decision to make his so negative. He was a tool, a tool with consciousness. Like many people in the world, he was predetermined to act malicious by the circumstances. Was he really in charge of his actions? I don't know. I just know that it's tragic

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I'm really curious how he would act if Kai survived to see him. It wouldn't be sweet family reunion for sure. I think Ranger would guilt trip Kai a lot, maybe being the most horrible to him in particular because that's the "true" son of his creator. But in the end, maybe Rio Laizer would be comforted by Kai. Just like with Sei...

Miss Maple

How I feel about this character

I don't think about her often but I remember how I was really sorry for her situation. Now I'm a bit neutral (still more on the liking side), but there was time when I liked her a lot. Girl destined to love a horrible person, coded to act unhinged, be a tool, an element of the gameplay. Never being able to be herself... Almost. I'm beginning to remember the parts when she talked with Keiji, Mai and Q-taro, those were my favorite moments. She deserves so much better and I admire how she genuinely liked our participants and tried to help out.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Again nobody... The closest person is probably Mai because they have chemistry and can understand each other. Mai really cared about Maple, so maybe it could be mutual (once I said that I thought Maple had mentality of a child due to Asunaro meddling so it's not cool to ship her with anyone but I don't know anymore, I need to revise my thoughts)

Actually, I used to ship her with Shin. Both were victims of Midori, trusting the latter too much and unable to disobey him (well, that's my assumption about Shin's relationship with Midori, but I think that's probable). Shin even notes that they share some similarities. And I just like vibes. Somewhere in my AUs there are characters inspired by them and they are a couple

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Mai strikes again! I think they would make perfect bff duo. Them shopping, them cooking, them chatting... I sense potential

Also, Kai. Imagine emotional Maple and our stoic homemaker. I think they could balance each other out. Plus, both had experience with Asunaro and were used as pawns. Maybe they could heal by sharing their common fears to each other

My unpopular opinion about this character

I was a bit conflicted about her when she began talking about all those majority rules. I know she loved Midori but it felt a bit bad that she kinda pushed the whole winning thing onto Sara and Ranmaru. Logic route would still have drama nevertheless but if Maple hadn't mentioned victory... I feel like she is a tiny bit responsible for the outcome.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I want Maple backstory. Somewhere in deleted scenes it was mentioned that she was based on the real girl that agreed to being tested on because she loved Midori (citation needed, I don't remember the details). I'd really like to know more about her.

Also, imagine having cooking competition with Kai and Mai in ytts. Or them having to defeat the final boss (her) with the power of yumminess.

[bonefall]

Any changes to Gullswoop in this? I love her so much and was so happy to see her given character this arc… I do try to ignore how disappointed I am that the Erins made her xenophobic in Sky. Strongly disagree that she’d be like that.

I'm sorry Anon, I'm completely and utterly in love with Gullswoop and where she's gone. For one it's good and healthy for the story for 'clan dynamics' to involve harsher characters, and for second, she's HILARIOUS, I love this gossip-obsessed queen and how she made fun of Shadowsight for being scared of a bee

For a background character I actually have a ton of backstory for her in BB!

[ID: Better Bones Gullswoop. She is white with black points, and red-orange eyes. She is resting her chin on her paw and grinning like a cheshire cat.]

Her name in Clanmew is Rewpiorru. Bird names are usually strange translations because of the fact that Clanmew has a TON of different words describing the flight and behavior of birds.

This is because they are a hunting culture and classifying prey behaviors, especially the way they escape capture, is extremely important.

Rewpiorru is "Black-headed-gull flying leisurely." This could have been translated as "Gulldance" or "Gullhover" or even "Gullflight."

It's a reference to her generally laidback nature. Heartstar has a love of dramatic and evocative names like this.

The ShadowClan family tree is NOT done yet, but it's so bad the entire thing is getting thrown out. Gullswoop is one of the only cats who I am 100% committed to something with.

She is the daughter of Ivytail, daughter of Fernshade and Wolfstep, niece of Blackstar.

And thank goodness for that, because having the OTHER well-known black-point cat as a famous relative is good cover for the fact her biofather was Darktail.

Ivytail joined The Kin happily when Yellowcough ravaged the camp, though she would come to regret her choice as people started vanishing.

Darktail was just an honor sire, though Ivytail wouldn't have been sure which of the Kin cats was the father if Gullkit hadn't been born looking just like him. Blossomfall's Stemkit, Plumkit, and Shellkit were in a similar boat.

For the record: Darktail was vaguely happy about this, but died when Gullkit was very young and so didn't have the time to explore those feelings.

I am still working out the Kin Drama of BB!AVoS and its related technicalities. I'm not sure if Ivytail survives the Kin ordeal or not, but I do know that at some point three litters of kits (Blossom's, Ivy's, Yarrow's) were separated from their mothers and had to be taken back.

Gullswoop is loyal to Heartstar more than ShadowClan. Even if she doesn't always agree with or understand Heartstar's choices, it takes a lot to make her loyalty waver.

She doesn't really "have political opinions" which basically means she leans Traditionalist, on the harder side.

More than anything, Gullswoop wants drama. She wants to know eeeeverything. She wants to taste all the tea.

I don't rewrite arcs until they're done, but Gull would make the perfect spy for Heartstar... which is probably why she's not involved in Berryheart's schemes despite being a bit xenophobic.

Conefoot and Frondwhisker might remain her brothers, but I can't say for sure yet. In any case, Gullswoop is FREE from Snowbird blood.

And that's Gull so far! Some of it is prone to change, especially since AVoS remains the most unsolidifed BB!Arc as of writing, but she's a background girlie I'm fond of.

[avatar-legends-confessionblog]

I made a post about being kataang critical but because of Katara and not Aang and some people asked for explanation.

To start: 1. I do not hate Katara, she is my second favorite character. Bring critical of the way she treats Aang is not the same as being anti-Katara. 2. Im not here to argue. Im going to explain my position for people who genuinely want to understand, but I know many people are going to see me critisize Katara and find me unreasonable for it. I dont care. Ive already acknowledged that Im pretty sure Im the only one who notices or cares about these things. 3. I wont list all of my reasons because there are many, Im just going to list a few, but keep in mind this is the tip of the iceberg.

Some of my biggest issues are that their dynamic is just not equal. For example, apologizing. There are multiple times Aang messes up with Katara, and most of the time we see him either apologize, or at least show significant regret. (Hiding the map, burning Katara, ignoring her advice about the Avatar state, running away, the EIP kiss). We simply dont see the same with Katara. The only time I can recall her apologizing is after snapping at him in the pirate episode. (Which, this is not the only time she unfairly snaps at him, but this is the only time she apologizes). There might be other times Im not recalling off the top of my head, but even if there were, its not as much as Aang.

Aang also shows multiple times a verbal willingness to change for Katara. Examples include: when he burned her, he swears off firebending and even when he learns it again, he only learns it with the context of that burn. When he upsets her with the Avatar state he apologizes and says he hopes she never sees him like that again and he does genuinely get a better hold of the avatar state after that, going so far as to simply emotionally shut down. Not including the non-verbal willingness, like when he got jealous of her (and Sokka's) relationship with Bato and their dad and realizes hes messed up, from then on Aang seems very supportive of Katara connecting with her family and of Hakoda himself, to the point of being concerned because he thinks she might be mad at her dad.

Aang considers Katara's advice a lot, even if ultimately he chooses to not use it (usually because he feels it conflicts with his duty as the Avatar). There are times he even thanks her for her input even as he tries to explain that she really doesnt understand the position hes in. When Zuko join, Aang very specifically gives every member their say and is visibly concerned about Katara, who he knows had the biggest issue with Zuko. Meanwhile, times Aang tries to advise Katara, which isnt often, she dismisses it without thought (her fight with Pakku in which he and Sokka are trying to say maybe she shouldnt fight him, and TSR where his literal only real suggestion is 'dont murder')

Katara is shown to be very willing to stand up for herself if she feels anyone has slighted her, including Aang. If it comes down to a decision between her feelings or Aang's feelings, she often dismisses his (like when he runs off at the beginning of book one, shes hurt he left and doesnt see his concerns on his failure or the need to fix it as valid, or TSR where she is hurting and since Aang disagrees with her point of view on how to handle it, she dismisses his own pain). Meanwhile, unless it conflicts with his duty as the Avatar, Aang will allow Katara to do just about anything. He doesnt say anything when she snaps at him (the pirate episode, the Runaway, TSR) and, speaking of TSR its one of the worst cases of this. Aang very explicitly says he does not consent to her taking Appa, yet when she decides to anyway he not only easily lets this go, but goes so far as to endorse and encourage her journey.

I just dont think these imbalances are healthy.

Im not saying Aang is perfect, hes made mistakes with Katara plenty of times, and I like to think Kataras behavior is only indicitive of the fact that she is a traumatized child. I like to think these things improve as she gets older and heals and her devotion grows to match his the longer theyre together. I like to imagine a happy future for them, but kataang as the show presents it makes me uncomfortable. I do not like dynamics where one character is willing to take out their anger at another character who does not stand up for themselves. (For example, when Aang snaps at Katara in The Desert, she very calmly defends herself.)

And again, this is the tip of the iceberg. I have many more reasons, and the examples I gave for each are just things I can recall off the top of my head. Each of these incidents on their own can be explained and justified and Im sure someone out there is going to be tempted to do just that, but it is when these things form a pattern of behavior that it becomes concerning. Katara snapping at Aang once is an act of frusteration, Katara snapping at Aang three times is a pattern.

And part of the reason it bothers me the way it does is that no one else seems to notice these things. Its like Aang thinks Katara is perfect and could do no wrong to him therefore we are supposed to think the same. The only people who are critical of kataang seem to be people who only use that to justify their own ship, so its never about actually scrutinizing their dynamic, its about proving Katara would be better off with their prefered pairing. I'm not a shipper, I dont want to see these two with anyone else, I just dont like the way they are in the show.

Im not going to start a back and forth on this, I promise you any justification you have for Kataras behavior are things Ive already considered. Again, shes my second favorite, I am also a huge Katara defender and, again again, dont consider these things to be stuff that makes her a bad person. Shes a traumatized child and her good deeds far far outweigh her bad, including those toward Aang (I am simply not of the opinion that being mostly good for someone justifies any bad behavior).

But in case anyone was genuinely curious to know why someone might find fault in Kataras treatment of Aang, there you go.

X

[ikamigami]

There's several reason I dislike EAPS

For one, Puppet, Foxy hasn't been as bad but what is her deal attaching Eclipse to her hip and forcing him onto the problems of another Sun and Moon when he just wanted freedom? And her sticking her nose in Sunlight and Moonlight's business? Yeah Sunlight and Moonlight's dynamic is not healthy but is shoving Eclipse(who has a lot of delusional complexes about Sun and Moon and is just pissed off at them all) and Puppet(who's pretty selfish and as delicate as a sledgehammer when it comes to handling things, not to mention she's very rude) onto it is helping? Yeah with encouragement Sunlight and Moonlight have been growing closer but it almost feels like nudging a wagon down a hill and letting it pick up too much speed, Eclipse is vicious to Sunlight and often rude to Moonlight, and Puppet is often condescending to Sunlight, our Sun had to tell them to slow the hell down because they're being too impatient, nor are they helping Sunlight and Moonlight beyond shoving them together, did they help Sunlight and Moonlight with their first day? No, and this is just one example

Second, Eclipse, I get distancing yourself from people with bad blood, sometimes that's the healthiest thing you can do, but that is AFTER acknowledging what went wrong, what this feels like is Eclipse running away to a new world and because he just so happened to find a Sun more selfish than our own he feels vindicated in his hatred towards our Sun instead of realizing how awful he was for no reason, he just gets to run away without even apologizing and instead gets to keep hating all he wants, AND inflict his anger on Sunlight and Moonlight, did it never occur to Eclipse that the reason Sun couldn't hear him was because Moon literally sealed Eclipse in a bubble so he couldn't be heard period? And when he did break out he said nothing? And did he never realize that Moon knew the whole time he was there and probably lied to Sun if Sun ever brought up feeling "something off"? And did it never occur to him that the reason Sun suppressed him was because Eclipse was an ACTIVE THREAT? And they say Eclipse is smart

Then there's Sunlight and Moonlight themselves, these two are very different to our Sun and Moon, Sunlight is a lot more fearful since he refuses to reach out to Moonlight at first because of the pain of their transformation, as opposed to our Sun who despite being scared as Moon actively threatened him on their first day tried to help Moon when Moon said he was hurting, Sunlight is also far less forgiving in that he doesn't want to give Moonlight the time of day at first and even deleted Moonlight's intro video to him and needed more convincing from Puppet to record his own, meanwhile our Sun, despite battling Moon constantly and was being abused every single day, kept trying to share with and make peace with Moon, that's what over the years slowly endeared Moon to him and he agreed to be Sun's brother, Sunlight is more selfish as he wants the body to himself mainly due to the pain, he doesn't want Moonlight there at all, meanwhile we know Sun kept trying to reach out to Moon to compromise, and the reason he tried keeping Moon away wasn't just because of the pain, but more importantly, it was almost guaranteed that if Moon was let out, another innocent person would get hurt or killed, people forget that that's why Sun locked Moon away, it was to protect another child, guest, staff member, or other innocent person from being painfully murdered by Moon

Then there's Moonlight, he's so much calmer and friendlier than our Moon ever was/is, he's almost more like Nexus when he was good and being calm with Sun, he wants to share with Sunlight, to compromise, he regrets the pain their transformation causes the other, he wants to build a relationship with Sunlight and be at peace, and he's a lot more friendly with everyone including Eclipse who's very rude to him, contrast that with Moon, who on his first day promised Sun "I'll make your life a living hell" and FOLLOWED THROUGH, for years Sun was verbally and physically tormented by Moon, being insulted, demeaned, embarrassed and shamed, Moon would activate the pain sensors to hurt him, and Sun had to death with the aftermath of Moon's killings, the reactions of people, the bodies, the blood, the grief of knowing another innocent life was murdered and he failed to protect them, all the while Moon never grieved those people, he may regret it a little now, but he admitted before he liked hurting people even without the Killcode

And YET, through these two, Sun and Moon look worse, it's not quite ass bad with Moonlight, though people may be inclined to once again think Moon was this poor victim who suffered because of Sun's "selfishness", when he was the real monster, but Sun's name is besmirched so much worse, especially with Eclipse going "that's what he was like", um…No he wasn't, then again Eclipse's view on Sun especially has always been deeply incorrect, he believed all Suns everywhere were weak and stupid until Dark Sun absolutely clowned on him, and of course Eclipse would think of Sun as uncharitably as possible, despite being in Sun's mind he thoroughly misunderstands Sun and because he hates Sun he'd never examine the fact his opinions on Sun are wildly off, it's right in how he used to talk, either Sun is stupid, weak, and worthless, or he's "just as bad as me", see the double standard? He either thinks Sun is nothing, or thinks he's just as rotten and selfish as himself and Moon, that and of course he's actively lie or say these wild inaccuracies to others to ruin Sun's name, he's done that before look at the Chip incident for one example, Sunlight is not how Sun used to be, but of course people are going to think that because boo-whoo poor Moon and Eclipse is always right and screw Sun I guess

I do hope EAPS actually goes in a decent direction where Eclipse is forced to realize all this, that Sun was never at fault and none of his behavior towards Sun was justified, that he messed up badly, and that it was all Moon's fault that he was imprisoned to begin with, an should at least actually say the words "I'm sorry", at least he apologized to Lunar, right?

You're absolutely right, dear anon 👏

You said everything right.

And these are reasons why I don't like Eclipse's redemption arc cause it feels more like regression.. people say that he didn't even heal from his trauma.. but how can he? When he doesn't even realize what he did wrong in that situation and he doesn't even reflect on anything?

People think that healing from trauma means that now poor Eclipse can be a piece of shit to others without any consequences because it doesn't look like someone in that dimension will tell Eclipse where his place is..

Eclipse can do whatever he wants as long as Puppet is content with that.. and how in her eyes this is helping Eclipse? QwQ

Like I can see Eclipse only getting worse there..

This whole idea was bad and stupid.. but uhhh it was Puppet's idea so why am I surprised? LOL

But yeah it wouldn't be pissing me off so much if it wasn't for a fact that fans believe Eclipse as always that Sun was just like Sunshine.. because they can't ever think critical when it comes to Eclipse..

I don't have anything more to add to what you said, dear anon. You're right about everything.

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

your reblog reminds me!! i read your fic about betterment jeremy and didn't leave a comment cuz i don't have a proper ao3 acc and i forgor! and!! i realised that i didn't read the last chapter so i reread the whole fic in full so i can properly gush about it in your inbox right now!! so behold. semi coherent thoughts about your beloved creation.

chapter one! i like the way the story begins so close to canon in shape and mood, set pretty much right after the epilogue but how you expand further and further from it in shape and form that canon in its media restriction cannot show.

in the first two chapters you see the story through jenny's eyes, you really get to sympathise with her feelings - the longing for normality, for everything advance has stripped from her. and since she can't get everything back she needs to get her friend back from them. it's all good intentions, really. jenny just wants to help him. she just wants him to heal. but she is running out of patience (understandably so, but still not proper treatment of someone who's severely traumatized)

as i was rereading chapter 2 and particularly jeremy's breaking point i realised something i haven't quite caught on the first reading. back then i thought he mainly cut himself off so suddenly from the strain and shock of this sudden break in general - the mind catching up with his mouth and nerves at last, the sudden realisation and fear at loss of control and the consequences that may bring. on my second reading, i realised that he specifically cut himself off when it came to his experience at betterment, and with the headache that follows that was more specifically a response to suddenly recalling repressed traumatic memories from betterment. which is even worse.

so, chapter three. i should note, torture and brainwashing in the context described in the fic and as implied in canon is a topic i often find really triggering. i think this is why i didn't read the third chapter when i was reading the fic the first time around - i was worried it was going to get really uncomfortable for me. but i am glad i returned to it, i didn't regret it in the slightest. you struck a good balance for Me Specifically and so i ended up with most thoughts for this chapter

so we get a peek at jeremy's mind and how fractured it is, which is really poignant at this point:

"From then on, Jeremy had always been acutely aware of death. He felt it again the night Disrupt attacked, abducting him, forcing him into hiding. And again, when he snuck his way on set, determined to break the news to the world about-

… about nothing. Nothing that would promote any sort of good in the world. That’s what The Nightly Show was for… Unity, community, sharing the country as a Team. And he nearly ruined all of it, for what? For a few extra seconds in the spotlight? He lost the rights to that when he first lost control of himself."

the breaking point. the before and after. and yet what we see is that he wasn't doing mentally well "before" either. the state of mind that jenny wants him to return to is not a healthy one - something she isn't aware of.

but it gets worse!

the ENDING,,,,, my god the ENDING....... i looooove the ambiguity of it. the underlying dread of possible scenarios this may lead to. i like how ultimately jenny fails (falls, one might say. the third chapter mirrors the song so muchhhh)

it's a very interesting twist on jenny's character and their overall dynamic. i was hoping for a happy ending, i do love my whump, but it's so much better to have the expectations subverted. because of course. of course they both have been hurt and poisoned by the system too much to go back and call it "healing". both of them can't help themselves and they can't help each other. ultimately jenny can't accept jeremy as himself anymore, she doesn't see pre- and post-betterment jeremy as himself anymore. it destroys jenny to see jeremy in such a state and she destroys him in turn.

i might've forgotten something so forgive me if this isn't fully coherent or a bit jagged.

i love your mind.

printing this whole ask out so i can cut it out and put it on the fridge and then take it off the fridge and then eat it and then print out a second one and then cut that one out and then leave it on the fridge this time.

ABJ is the only thing i have left in this stupid baka world and i am SO GLAD that people have been having so much fun with my better jeremy fic. i noticed that there was hardly any content and i wanted to fill the niche, but i had no idea how much positive reception i would get from this simple (i say simple, it's three whole chapters) fic!!! i still do think it's one of my better fics i've ever written and published, just in regards to pacing and nuance.

speaking of nuance, just for you, as a little treat, here are some things that were either invisibly implied in my work, or was stuff that i was going to add that i decided against. just for you. because i'm feeling whimsical and pretentious:

though with time they'll heal, originally i was going to make a point to bring up that jeremy still had a few bruises from his time at betterment. jenny was going to help him take off his shirt- since he was sweating through it- only to see the blemishes, as well as how much weight he's lost. i ended up cutting it for time, but jeremy's canon weight loss is something that's super important to me and it drives me crazy

though it wasn't (originally) intentional during his treatment, betterment found that a good way to control jeremy's thought process was to convince himself that everything bad in his life could be pinned on him. he's a very cynical person, and naturally is picking at the cracks and finding the bad in every silver lining. it's just in his nature. advance found that, if they turned this methodology back onto himself, it makes him way more receptive to external ideas when he feels like he can't trust or listen to himself

this has grown into a bit of a streak of self hatred, which wasn't the intention, but it was utilitarian, so they kind of left it as is. i think my favorite example of this is this quote right here, where he doesn't consider his actions as being a threat to himself despite the fact he was pointing a gun at his own fucking head

when jeremy initially loses his temper in chapter two, you're right to observe that what snaps him back to his bettered self is the thought of his treatment at betterment. but also, i made a point of implying that jenny's reactions also really fucking gutted him.

the two worst memories of his life were during the heatwave, and during his second abduction (any other worst memories surrounding betterment specifically are probably repressed). in both of those instances, one of the most mortifying things was seeing jenny frightened. even when he tried his best to be gentle with her during the heatwave hostage situation... he hurt her. scared her. he never let himself live that down. and scaring her again ricochets him back to that moment with such a painful clarity that it knocks the wind straight out of him.

if i had written this after i had gotten the inevitable advancements ending, i for sure would have found a way to rewrite the ending of the nightly show portion so that jeremy sings the national anthem. i also definitely think listening to it was a part of his advance exposure therapy. he knows the words by heart.

speaking of his time at betterment, jeremy spent a lot of time just. on his own, i feel like... not around other people, not being enriched in any meaningful way... when deprived of any sort of enrichment, he's more susceptible to any little scraps he can get his hands on, even if its propaganda. this is another reason why he's so infatuated with the tv, i think. it's popcorn entertainment, sure, but it's also a little luxury for him... and now he can have it whenever he wants...

[goldeneyedgirl]

This is kind of a random question, but I thought about that while reading your story Variable Stars, more specifically that scene in which Alice decides not to kill Peter and Charlotte. If it had happened, how Jasper would've reacted? Or, in a canon version, how do you think he would react if Peter and Charlotte were killed (not by Alice but a nomad or something)?

Ooof, Anon, you woke up and chose violence. We'll start with Variable Stars.

So, in Variable Stars, Alice sees Peter and Charlotte and kills them quickly and moves on.

Jasper is extremely close to both of them in Variable Stars because he is alone - no wife. It's kind of a cocktail of soldiers in arms, paternal, and brotherly. Like an older siblings raising a much younger sibling. So when they stop visiting and communicating with him, this is scary. Jasper has always had Peter at his back and for Peter to vanish... he spends a lot of time trying to find them. Obviously he never does, and because of where Alice found them, no one else (Maria) knows what happened either.

That weighs on Jasper terribly. That they found themselves in a fight that they could not win. He hopes they died quickly and together. But because he cannot confirm their deaths, there's always a little piece of him that hopes that they're still out there. He's much quieter and more serious by the time Alice joins the family.

It's quite a few years later that Edward puts together Peter and Charlotte as some of the vampires that Alice killed during her Rebellion Years. He does end up telling her what she did, and Alice is broken that she did that to Jasper. She considers a visit to Volterra to have herself destroyed but Edward tells her that the last thing Jasper needs is to lose another of his people.

She does tell him, and it changes them. For mental health reasons, Jasper has to separate the idea of the Alice that killed Peter and Charlotte with his Alice. Is it healthy? No! Is it necessary for him to live his life? Yes. Their relationship is fundamentally changed, and very bittersweet; Alice spends the rest of her life essentially trying to keep Jasper as happy as she can to make up for her terrible mistake, and Jasper has to live with that constant cloud of self-loathing and regret that surrounds her.

In canon, oh boy. (Also, anon, if you want Charlotte and Peter and Jasper drama, can I recommend going to talk to @flowerslut? Maybe subscribe to her new fic Roots? It's insanity and is a fucking vision into the dynamic Jasper has with his people and his past. 11/10, A+, six seasons and a movie. But I digress.)

In canon, Jasper would be on the war path, and Alice with him. Jasper would hunt them to the ends of the earth and remind their killer why Jasper's reputation precedes them. Both Alice and Jasper have a violent streak, and even if the deaths weren't planned, the killer would regret ever touching Peter and Charlotte.

And then I think Jasper would grieve heavily, and probably seek out solitude for that grief; he'd definitely retreat from the family a little. Peter's friendship and loyalty shaped who he was and who he got to be so much that there would always be a hole where his brother was. That Jasper couldn't protect Peter or even save Charlotte for Peter would weigh very heavily on him. I can see the darkest point being Jasper resenting the Cullens because if he'd been with Peter and Charlotte they'd still be alive, and maybe even resenting Alice for not being able to see their deaths so he could have protected them.

Alice has no real reference point for the grief of death or strong relationships outside her immediate family that we're made aware of in canon, so I can see her struggling a little knowing how to support Jasper in that kind of grief at first, but ultimately just being present so he isn't constantly alone and brooding. I can also see her struggling with the void that Peter and Charlotte have left behind.

I can see her gently reminding Jasper that even if they weren't with the Cullens, everything falling in place so that Jasper could have protected Peter and Charlotte is pretty unlikely. And I think she'd observe the fact that she didn't see their deaths indicates it was just one of those terrible, unplanned moments; there was no grand plan to assassinate them, no grudges or agenda. Just a series of choices made in the moment.

She's gifted, not a god.

Ultimately, Jasper is no stranger to pain. He'd be a little sadder and a little quieter, and possibly cleave tighter to the Cullens because he's now without alternative allies. He'd be even more protective of Alice, but he'd keep going and keep Peter and Charlotte as a very, very sacred memory.

[harajuku-cookie]

IkeVamp OC Profile: Carina

The Beloved Songbird “Wherever I may go, the melodies will always follow.”

Name: Carina Sakamoto Pronouns: She/Her Voice: Nana Mizuki Birthday: May 3 Race: human (becomes lesser vampire later on), half-Mexican/half-Japanese Hair: Long, wavy pink (light mauve) hair Eye: raspberry Skin tone: olive Extra Features: hourglass figure with large bust Orientation: pan

More info about her under the cut!

Notes: •Eldest daughter to a Mexican mother (Milagros Pilar) and Japanese father (Tadashi Sakamoto), both actors/theater performers. Also has a younger brother named Kou, both of them were born in Japan. •Her parents met in Paris for a theater production that they were taking part in and fell in love and eventually got married. It was a whirlwind romance, but it felt like fate to them and to this day they're still deeply in love. Even though it was a little unstable to raise children while traveling, they made it work. So Carina and her brother grew up surrounded by the performing arts while being homeschooled. •She traveled a lot growing up because of her parents' careers and started acting in various productions, movies, and TV shows since she was little. This is also where she developed her love of traveling and learning new languages because she wanted to be able to communicate with others wherever she went. •Classically trained in opera like her mother as well as piano like her father •Knows a little bit of most dances. Usually when a role calls for dance, she works hard to learn the type needed. And sometimes when her family have get-togethers, they all love to dance for fun. Some of her favorites are ballet, paso doble, flamenco, waltz, and ballet folklórico. •Since her brother, Kou, works as a music producer and composer, they tend to work together and collaborate on music •Instead of being a travel agent like the canon MC/Mitsuki, she is a theater performer/actress and singer who doubles as a travel vlogger. She travels a lot for her work, so she loves to save her memories via video recordings and an online blog, especially to share with her extended family back in their home countries. •Grew up in a healthy family, her parents being the best example of a healthy relationship. They always made sure to teach her and her brother how to be kind and respectful of others, to always communicate clearly, to never let anyone talk down to them, and stand your ground. •Her nicknames are "Cari" and "CariBear" because she loves bears (also a play on Care Bear). Some people also like to call her "Cupid" because of her hair and eye color reminding them of the colors of love and how much of a romantic she is. •Knows self-defense and is pretty strong despite her stature. Also has a black belt in taekwondo. •When she goes back in time to the 19th century and decides to stay there, she eventually adopts a Pomeranian and names her Oso ("bear" in Spanish) •Shipped with Isaac. The best way to describe their relationship dynamic would probably be like “golden retriever and black cat”, with Carina being the bubbly social butterfly who helps Isaac out of his shell (but never pushes, always gives him a choice and space when he needs it), while Isaac is the calmer, more introverted of the pair who helps Carina enjoy and appreciate the peaceful quiet moments together. •She does make a contract with Comte to become a vampire within a year of her and Isaac’s relationship. At first Isaac felt really conflicted with Carina's decision to become a vampire. On one hand they would have more time together, which he loves since he loves her so much. On the other hand, he's worried about the possibility of her becoming an aberrant like him. It causes him grief to be one and he doesn't want her to go through the same thing and regret her decision. Although he's unsure, he does realize that ultimately it's her decision. Carina hears Isaac's concerns and understands where he's coming from and offers to come up with a plan in case the "worst" case scenario happens. She reassures him that if she does become an aberrant, she'll find a way to work through it. Plus they have the support of Comte and the others, so they'll be okay. After talking it out some more with each other and then with Comte, Carina finally takes the plunge and becomes a vampire, and to Isaac's relief, is a normal lesser vampire just like the others. It's a bit of an adjustment period to get used to her new form, but he and the others are with her every step of the way.

Extra Note: Outfit is still pending. I may go with the one on the in-game avatar, just in warmer colors. I just wanted to add a picture in for reference.

[skitskatdacat63]

oc ramble:

Noir is so funny to me bcs she's like genuinely a terrible person who's done terrible things, but is also surprisingly well adjusted in many other ways. So much so that she's basically "reformed" two other ocs into being better people, people who are at least now more comfortable with life and themselves, simply by virtue of having the capacity to show love and care comfortably and openly. Her dichotomy is just funny like, goes from being feral at the chance of ripping someone's throat out and getting bloody, and the next second being like, omg I can't believe how little care you have for yourself, let me bathe and feed you!!

I guess its bcs she grew up with a loving family(a rare thing among my ocs) and she's fucked up just because she's fucked up, not because her environment, y'know? So like, yes, she commits unspeakable acts of violence. But she's also so caring and so genuinely loving in a way that comforts people. Rüß is only the way she is now because Noir kept pestering her all the time and broke down her walls and made her into the person she always should've been. And uhhhh her relationship w Eclipse is fucked, but also the way she shows love unabashedly and wholeheartedly leads to such trust between them, despite past grievances. I just think it's interesting. Such an open, loving person alongside others with such severe trust issues and emotional detachment. And someone who actually cares about taking care of herself. Maybe it's not a great thing to feel zero shame and regret about your actions. But would that not be an admirable thing to someone who feels shame about everything?

I think if you were only acquaintances(*not from work tho lmfao, very important to note), you'd probably find her to be very normal and admirable. Like, wow, now here's a women who has her shit together. And then people who truly know her are like uhhhhhhh. But then again, even people who know both sides to her find it hard to reconcile these parts of her that seem at odds. She's all wolf-like and feral and covered in blood, and then goes home and does her skin care routine and cooks herself a three course gourmet meal.

Her and Eclipse is just such an interesting dynamic in this way particularly. Person who probably rightfully should feel shame/regret about things she's done, but doesn't, and rather feels comfortable and at peace with herself vs. Person who feels undeserved incredible shame/regret about about everything since birth, who then goes to do terrible things as well bcs its all pointless, isn't it? Neither of them are correct or healthy people but again, someone who is comfortable with themselves would be incredibly admirable to a person who just can't do the same. And in that way, begins to feel more comfortable themselves bcs they know the other is never going to judge them and loves them wholeheartedly.

Lmfao I know this won't make any sense to anyone other than me but!! Wanted to ramble bcs im thinking very deeply about this recently.