#like these are my friends i live with them im emotionally connected w them

[phagodyke]

was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

[kurthorton-moving]

Im not gonna be doin replies tonight i dont think, may make some gifs?? But just kinda feeling uh. Very Bad so who knows

[pepprs]

hi, everyone. i hope you all are doing well. i’ve been meaning and wanting to check in here for many months but i have also been too afraid to. but i want to do it now because im potentially at a turning point and i want you all (especially close friends and mutuals who i haven’t talked to in a long time) to know what’s going on because unfortunately i do not have the strength to reach out individually right now, as much as i desperately want to.

when i left this place a year ago my depression was extremely bad. i didn’t know how long i was going to be gone or whether i was leaving for good, but i knew i needed to make some changes in my life before i could be here healthily again. well… 2024 has been a year of IMMENSE change for me! a lot of it has been for the good. i made some progress in my life by moving out, and i’ve had a lot of joy and healing in (very slowly) building a home for myself and figuring out what kind of life i want to live and how i want to live it. (im learning how to drive! i have string lights and stuffed animals and a wii! i am capable of solo travel!)

but… a lot of the changes that have happened this year have been for the worse. in almost every respect 2024 has been one of the most difficult and painful years of my life (and that is saying something!). this year a couple of traumatic things have happened to me and around me, and it has been extremely hard to live my life despite and beyond them. i have been dealing with physical and mental health issues that have greatly impacted my quality of life and make it unbearably difficult for me to get through every day. i am constantly running on negative spoons. one of the most damaging outcomes of this is that i have almost completely withdrawn from society both online and off and that is not an exaggeration. ive stopped talking to all of my friends and family except for people i see every day at work. i impulsively isolate myself when im in pain / distress despite knowing both emotionally and logically that it makes literally everything worse and i don’t know how to (and often can’t muster the mental strength to) work through the shame and grief and anxiety to seek connection and support. and im struggling to take care of myself including physically and its having severe consequences in every aspect of my life and in the lives of people who care about me. i live alone and i still think that was the good and right choice for me to make, but i am profoundly and agonizingly lonely. my depression was extremely bad when i left here, but i think despite everything it might be even worse now.

all of this is to say: this week i finally decided i can’t suffer like this anymore, and i began the process of seeking a formal diagnosis for my depression and other mental health issues and exploring additional treatment beyond talk therapy (most likely meds but there may be other things too / instead; still at the very beginning stages of figuring it all out). i am extremely anxious about many dimensions of this but also hopeful that it will help me hurt less because when i tell you at this point my brain and heart physically ache from depression like 85% of every day…. lol. im really hoping that once i get my mental / emotional pain under control i’ll be able to start tending to the parts of my life that have withered while ive suffered and repair the damage of my neglect as best i can. (which is to say… if you’re my friend and you’re reading this please know i love you and i miss you terribly and i am so sorry we haven’t spoken and i am so sorry im telling you this in a tumblr post you may not even read instead of a reply or a call back. i still love you and i want you to know it is not you specifically i am ghosting, its everyone. i am trying to build the strength and im scared i can’t but i hope i can.)

that said… i have decided i am not going to be coming back to this blog. i miss this place and the community i felt connected to here, but the way i was using this website as a public diary was extremely unhealthy, and as much as i miss it and still crave the instant comfort/validation i see clearly now with months of distance how damaging it was. (i truly cannot believe i was oversharing like that lol i am so private now (yes due largely to mental illness but still!)) i am so grateful to everyone who reassured me when i was struggling and celebrated my successes. this was the first place, online or off, where i (misguidedly but it’s true!) could actually be honest and candid about things happening in my life and my reactions to them instead of communicating it all through metaphors in my art and poetry, and it truly mattered that i had that experience here so that i could seek out more spaces like it in my offline life. i know i already said thank you in a previous update but really… thank you. 💗🫂

im not planning on deleting this blog. i may come back here and share updates like this one from time to time, but otherwise i will leave it as it is. but… i do want to get back to using a few of my fandom-centered sideblogs because looking at and compiling art of things i like is a low-energy thing that makes me happy! so you may see activity there every once in a while (tbh during this hiatus i have opened tumblr from time to time to look at art and save a bunch of posts that i wanted to reblog eventually lol). but… if i notice myself slipping back into bad habits i may private the sideblogs or abandon them completely.

i don’t know how to end this post. actually wait yes i do. one of my all time favorite artists is anna-laura sullivan (@/annalaura_art on instagram) and this is one of my all time favorite drawings of hers (so much so that i made it my lock screen so i can look at it every day!). this saying has brought me a lot of comfort and i hope it (and her other art) will bring you comfort too if you’re also in a dark place.

one more thing: not to be kind of a freak but in writing this post i discovered a longer version of my goodbye post from last year in my drafts. i don’t remember why i didn’t post it and obviously it’s outdated now but i want to share the draft because i went into more detail about tumblr having been helpful for me specifically when it comes to my mutuals + info / disclaimers about how to reach me and i want you guys to hear that in my past self’s voice lol! i put it under the cut if you want to read it!

2023 tess said it best: i hope you know how much it’s meant to me to be in your company. thank you for sharing and thank you for listening. i love you. happy [almost] new year. be well. good luck. shine bright. until we meet again ☕️🐈🫂💗

[nice-and-accurate-ramblings]

⚠️WARNING: GOOD OMENS 2 EPISODE 1&2 SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!!⚠️

I need to get my live reactions out because I am LOSING IT. Do not read beyond this point if you don’t want spoilers for the first two episodes!!!

I am going insane after the prime premiere so here are my insane ramblings externalized:

THE COLD OPEN IN EPISODE 1 KILLED ME IN MY SEAT INSTANTLY

THE NEBULA. ANGEL CROWLEY (whose name we don’t get, ofc, that made me laugh). HE WAS SO EXCITED AND AZIRAPHALE’S “I WOULD HATE TO SEE YOU GET INTO TROUBLE” AND THE W I N G.

The fjuckin. WING. I AM UNWELL. I AM GOING INSANE JUST THINKING ABOUT IT

AAAAAAAAAA

And then the title music played and I apologized to my friend that I dragged to the premiere for being Extremely Not Normal. And then told her it Would Get Worse.

GOOD OLD FASHIONED LOVER BOY, IM-

Maggie: Oh nooooo, we’re locked in the coffee shop together,,, what will we doooooo (every fanfic author in the room just got so many ideas.)

Hm. Lindsey, huh? Hmmmmm.

That’s uh. Not a normal amount of texts. That seems a bit Not Great. I’m watching you Lindsey. I haven’t seen you yet but I am watching

THE APOLOGY DANCE AHSHDJFJF!!! Stan Pines and Crowley have something in common apparently. Also. Aziraphale what do you mean you had to do it in 1941. what were those other times. Where did this come from. I need EXPLANATIONS.

There’s no way their two-halves-make-a-whole miracle is what set off alarms in heaven. Gabriel Absolutely Did Something.

There are too many flies in the book shop for this to NOT come back to Beelzebub somehow

Re: Beelzebub- why ask Crowley to keep them in the loop if Shax already asked him that? Are they just not communicating, or is this somehow connected to Beelzebub???

My heart fuckin stopped when Gabriel started singing Everyday.

Crowley. Crowley I need you to repeat that bit about Jane Austen. CROWLEY YOU CAN’T JUST DROP THAT, I-

Good to know that scene overlooking the ocean was in fact as emotionally intense as expected. aaaAAAAAA

Re: Job minisode- “I’m a demon. I lied.” Gives a whole new fuckin context to the “Would I lie to you” “You’re a demon” from season 1. AaaAAAA

Another one from that minisode: Aziraphale thinking that heaven could be convinced to not destroy the earth if they just understood properly in season 1… aziraphale being disgusted by human food and drinks until he was tempted to try it and understood… Mr Gaiman I am in your walls for this

Anthony J “You can’t kill kids” Crowley strikes again. And we still don’t get clarification on what kind of kids he meant, which is incredible honestly. Plus, the goats were adorable :)

How is the jukebox doing the same thing as the Bentley. Is this a “every record eventually turns into Everyday in the same way music left in a car too long turns into Best of Queen” or is this a Pointed Thing

Have I mentioned that I would die for Muriel? I would die for Muriel. It has been two episodes and I simply adore the low ranking sunshine angel.

They are so fucking married

“OUR CAR” “OUR BOOKSHOP” they are so fucking married. Crowley why are you sleeping in your car, pls it’s OUR bookshop 😭😭😭

Aziraphale took drivers tests before they were cool (aka mandatory) 🙄 come on Crowley keep up

Aziraphale driving the Bentley is something I didn’t know I needed and yET-

First the “naked man friend” comment and then a random guy stealing the seat across from Aziraphale in the pub… rip crowley

Gabriel with the Terry Pratchett paperback… Gabriel reading off the first line of Good Omens… wait the book exists in the world of the show- Aziraphale owns the book in the world of the show- what

Never thought “Archangels don’t know where babies come from” would be a plot point and yet. Here we are.

Pausing one more time to go absolutely feral over the ending of the Job minisode because that played my heartstrings like a FIDDLE. “I’m like you now” “I’m a fallen Angel” and “I’m not here to take you to hell, don’t think you’d like it”; “I’m on my own side” “Sounds lonely” and “I’m a demon. I lied.”; how heckin PRETTY THE WHOLE SCENE WAS

someone please send help because idk how I’m going to be normal after this.

Okay, scheduling this for a little after the episodes drop and spoiler tagging like crazy! SOON, THE REST!!!

[kiisuuumii]

some introspection this morning abt a feeling from last night abt social interactions, letting ppl in, fear of everything coming to a sour end, and hope

up until this past february, i hadnt allowed a completely new person into my life, like really into my life, for quite a long while; the last person was an old coworker, who id met two years ago now. and ive always been the sort to struggle w social interactions and connections of all types, so when i made my first blog and decided to start posting poetry there, i had prepped myself mentally somewhat to interact w others (last time i put myself out onto the internet was in 2020 lol), but i dont think i was as emotionally ready as i shouldve been, to the point of letting my emotions get the better of me and hurting myself and others twice now since march

its safe to say that im scared, of letting ppl in, of my emotions taking over, of hurting someone else again. its safe to say that i dont trust myself to not let any of this happen again. and maybe its a control issue thing. i know that nobody's perfect, let alone me, and yet i find it difficult to extend the sort of grace id give to others, to myself.

so when someone reached out to me last night to tell me that theyre there if id like a friend (and hello friend if youre reading this sorry im making an example of you), it brought up the question of whether i felt i /could/ let someone new in. and ik that its not like i have to be vulnerable, spewing every little thing abt myself, right from the start, and ik that how connections progress varies from one to another. i think the question really becomes whether i trust myself to know how navigate new connections in ways that are not only true to myself, but also with my highest good in mind, and whether im willing to take the risk that someone's presence in my life wont last forever

thats another thing with me; when i grow fond of someone, i want them to always have a presence in my life to some degree, because i love them, and i want to not only be apart of their lives, but also them apart of mine. but thats not what happens every time; people come and go, thats just how it is, and i struggle horribly with letting go, even since i was a kid

but i dont want to let the fear of losing someone keep me from letting people into my life. i crave connection, i crave understanding. i cant have those things without letting someone in and letting them try, and letting myself try.

i want to live this life with as few regrets as i can. yet it seems like ive just been piling them up over the past four months. am i just going to regret letting other people in going forward, too?

theres only one real way to find out. and im terrified. genuinely terrified. bc im sick of hurting others. im sick of beating myself up. but you have to do the thing scared. you have to. or else you wont do it at all. you'll keep making excuses for yourself, saying you arent ready, but when will that be? are we ever truly ready for anything, let alone change?

you have to hope that the next time'll be different. statistically, its not impossible. you have to hope. how else can things change if you dont have hope that they will?

hope doesnt have to mean trusting yourself completely. it just has to mean believing in the small part of you that wants things to change to do what they can with what they have to bring about that change.

i'll always believe that so long as i have the hope that i can change, i'll be able to find whats the best decision for me, in whatever moment i find myself in. that, that hope will eventually usher in the change im striving for, someday, one way, or another.

[ahundredtimesover]

Chapter 11 was such a roller coaster ride I loved it!

Mr.Ri☹️☹️ after hearing him explain his backstory as well and how he feels infinitely indebted to the family, but also lost someone who he truly loved?? I know he’s just a supporting character, but I can’t hope to wish that we get to see a win for him in the end as well🥲 I can’t imagine spending basically your whole life dedicated to one family without having the chance to even have your own or experience who you are without them. I’m hoping JK and Hobi picked up on this while he explained the story of oc to JK and they use their great executive power to give Mr. Ri a vacation or even an end to his “debt” because he doesn’t deserve to live working till the very end💔 and I hope he finds someone, whether a friend or partner that makes life more enjoyable for him because🥲

Sorry I’m very soft Mr. Ri right now🤭

I loved seeing their relationship grow and I was right w my theory (that their relationship wouldn’t happen while she was his assistant) but I’m sad this miscommunication happened, but I know it’s better for them. I’d rather they wait till they have their own problems sorted out before trying to start a relationship where they end up resenting each other (especially reader, if she stayed for JK). I think JK has a lot that needs to be done emotionally, especially with his family dynamics before he could pursue a relationship (not saying everything needs to be fixed before that), but he obviously has issues that could “mess up” their relationship and I’d hate to see that cause a problem between them

And it’s so crazy how I was so excited for when we’d finally get some🥵🥵 but all I could do is feel sad because yes, what jk asked of her was selfish(I know he didn’t realize at the time), I couldn’t help but feel for how lonely he truly is. He has all these people around him ofc, but even in the beginning w his first uncomfortableness with getting a new assistant, it takes a lot for him to trust someone and I think him realizing that he might “lose” someone he just let in really scared him

I still think he asked at the wrong time! I know he didn’t realize her relationship w his family at the time, but I don’t think he had malicious intent with his plea, he just bared his heart and was trying to get everything off his chest WAY TOO early!

But reader🥲, I’m so happy she’s leaving! (Bad terms w jk, but I have faith he’ll grow up and find her when the time is right) she’s finally going to be doing something for herself and hearing how she’s basically lived her life thinking she HAD to repay the jeons for their kindness and just became a secretary for her adult life… nothing wrong with a secretary but you can tell she has dreams and aspirations, but the strong need to repay them back overtook that. I hope she uses this newfound freedom to explore her options and really choose something she’s happy in, she deserves that more than anyone, I’m so happy for her I can’t even explain it☺️

Jk and reader also have such noticeable holes in them (ofc I know this because I’m able to read their inner thoughts), but I hope they get filled🥲, yes a romantic connection is one of them, but it goes deeper than that. They both have traumas and issues they don’t talk about and I hope they are able to grow as people and with each other (in the future) because they’ve shown so much compassion towards others.

Sorry for rambling so much, but I really love the world building Mimi, I think there’s some other point I might be forgetting but thanks for sharing this story with us, it’s true one of my favs

ANON IM SORRY THIS IS SO LATE. 😩😩 Pls forgive me, especially given the thoughtfulness of this message. I appreciate u so much thank you thank you for sharing all this! 💕

Ok so first - yes, Mr. Ri is such a special character. I wanted to write someone who has this kind of backstory, bc I know it happens that people commit themselves to a company and a family like this. I wouldn't say he's "doomed" to live this way, although I envision him to be with them all his life, looking after the family bc he's a very trusted man. He technically has a 24/7 job, but it doesn't mean it's all he does. It may not be stated but CEO Jeon gives Mr Ri lots of time-off, he's paid well, he travels, etc. It's just that he chooses this, bc it's all he's known and he'd rather fulfil his purpose this way than anywhere else.

As for your theory, correct! I never planned on OC and JK being romantically involved while OC is employed. That just means more drama and yes, miscommunication and lots of insecurities and fears. They have their burdens to carry and deal with, but we'll know of their respective thought processes on how they make sense of that baggage and how to move forward. I like that you touched on JK's family dynamic bc that's an important part of the aftermath. 😊

Echoing what you said about JK being truly lonely. He feels a lot of discomfort sharing parts of him to others; we saw that at the beginning. And now he's losing her, and that's such a big loss for him bc he doesn't do this, he doesn't open up and allow himself to feel. But it's the same with OC. They have so much going on internally and emotionally and it's about figuring how to deal with them and if they think they should do it on their own (again) or not. We do want to see them happy and it'll come! 😉

Pls, never say sorry. I enjoyed reading this. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story! Sending you love, anon! 🫶🏼🫶🏼 Sorry again for replying so late.

[thatsmeintheworld]

Having someone tell me they miss me while I already think they're lying to me and then hanging w them and not rly feeling tht connected followed by texting them tht night and not getting a response 2 days later even when I know they're responding to other ppl is why I have such awful trust issues. Like girl just be up front w me...we can keep it totally casual but im so tired of trying to open up to someone who lowkey neglects me but says we're best friends like....it makes me feel genuinely insane. It emphasizes the idea that people only want me around if im doing 90%+ of the emotional and physical labor. I hate it. I hate feeling like this and living like this. The worst part is feeling like I can't bring it up bc 1. They're not as emotionally available or eloquent as I am so a lot gets lost in translation and 2. I've brought it up before and nothing has changed. It may havw even gotten worse. It reminds me of my long term relationship tht ended p bad...ho hum tho I suppose

[grntaire]

gender? i hardly know her!!!

(ranting abt my gender and sexuality. prob more personal than i should put on the internet but i am feeling Raw)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i literally do not know. who i am lmao. i identified as cis (afab) and bi from the age of like, 13 i think? and that didn't change until i was 22 or so and i was like... she/they?? maybe?? which turned into they/she which turned into they/them which led me to nonbinary and pansexual which is where i've been chilling. but i don't even know if that feels right. like yes i am a girl but no i'm not a woman (i'm 25 so like, that Should Be a descriptor that i feel comfortable with. but it's not?) but im also not a girl either. my gender is more akin to like, the embodiment of chaos, lmao. i am everything and nothing all at the same time.

(i'm gonna use very much binary language here–i've personally only ever been with cis men or cis women, so when i use the binary language i'm specifically referring to it in terms of my experience) my sexuality is even more confusing to me now which is crazy?? my first crush was on a boy, and i had crushes on boys and girls through middle school and high school. i had a crush on my best friend in middle school and she was my first kiss. it felt like magic and i loved every second of kissing her. i ended up breaking up with her after a month or so and i still to this day don't know why. i think i was feeling like, constricted in it. drowning in the attention. also i was 13 and was living on a diet of nothing but nutella and pretzels so who the fuck knows lmao.

but as a teenager it oddly seemed so much more clear to me? my attraction to ppl was different and based off of their gender. like for me, my attraction towards girls was very emotionally based and the more i got to know them the more i wanted to be physical with them, too. with boys it was kind of the opposite, in a way, but not always. i didn't date any girls in high school–i had a big ol crush on one in particular but that was my Oh, She's Straight moment. i dated two boys. the first was a super nice dude who i hope is doing well. i broke up with him after 7 months or so i think? i was straight up convinced i was a lesbian. and then i dated a boy like two months later. i was OBSESSED with this dude. like, hormones gone wild, really just wanted to destroy this mf. he broke up w me after a month out of the blue, and i was devastated for a minute. in college i dated a dude for 2.5 years. he sucks.

my current partner is a man, we've been together for about 2 years. he is the kindest person i know. and yet i still constantly find myself second guessing everything. which, granted, i've always done. when i've been with women i second guess everything too. i think they're intrusive thoughts, and they'll look like "do you even like men/women?" a lot of it, too is that i don't think i've had the feelings of A Crush since i was a teenager, truthfully. i mean w my partner now, i'd get excited when his name would pop up on my phone, but there was no like, pining or whatever. loving him has always been easy and we got together easy.

so where i sit now is that i love my partner. but do i want an open relationship? am i poly? what if i like, actually am a lesbian and it's been comphet this whole time? but i have felt like, absolutely feral abt men before. but then i'll be like, fuck, what if the whole time i've been straight? but is that just from the desire to feel wanted? from the societal pressure to feel wanted by a man? that the act of being wanted by a man is proof that i am attractive enough and worthy? or am i second guessing these things bc my partner isn't what i need in a partner, regardless of gender. do i need someone more extroverted, who matches my energy more? can i bear the weight of being the outgoing one? and how do i cope with the fact that by choosing a partner i'm loosing connections that i could be forging with other people? but even if i'm poly, what does that mean for me? for my partner?

i am Overthinking so much. all of the time. and how much of it is intrusive thought and how much of it is... not, is incredibly hard to discern. i feel deeply tied to my queerness but i don't even know what my queerness is.

ik this is very oversharing but if u read this i appreciate u. u gay people in my phone make me feel less alone sometimes, mwah.

[mtsainthelens]

The roommate parenting post is definitely not normal. Its neglect. Parents, when they commit to raising a child, hold the responsibility to raise that child. If the parent cannot help their children with homework, food, chores, and social support, it should fall on family friends and extended family or hiring tutors if thats an option or getting access to the necessary help to raise that child-- teachers' only responsibility should be educating (which assists with social and emotional development too). But definitely not normal. Id encourage you to talk to someone about how [un]involved (?) your parents were in your life and unpack why you think neglect is normal

my biggest eyeroll ever. i WAS neglected and so were many of my friends, other friends of mine had overbearing and controlling parents who tried to shape their entire lives and fwiw those of us who were closer to the neglectful side came out a lot less neurotic. but anyway whats described in that post isnt even neglect. ahem

"Neglect is defined as the failure of a parent or caretaker to provide needed food, clothing, shelter, medical care, or supervision to the degree that the child’s health, safety, and well-being are threatened with harm."

this is my experience, i went without food shelter and supervision for long periods of time, obviously this was not normal. the post doesnt describe anything to that effect, what it makes out is emotionally uninvolved parents and that is what i am arguing is functionally okay and oftentimes a lot healthier to have than overbearing and overinvolved parents. look at this hierarchy of needs real fast.

i feel like its pretty obvious that most parents should only be expected to account for about 2.5 of the triangle and it isnt their job to shape the remaining 2.5. not every parent can emotionally and intellectually stimulate their children to a satisfying extent so it is the childs job to establish other connections and "social support" that can make up the remainder of that.

because the truth is that most people who think theyre "good parents" shouldnt be parents and their attempts to be "involved" make things worse for everyone. they put too much pressure and importance on how their child is turning out because they impose their own image onto them and end up shaping them and enmeshing with them to an unhealthy degree. kids can handle their own homework, chores, and "social support" LOL you need to be able to self select and self regulate w those.

do me and a favor and dont condescend to me or tell me i need to "talk to someone", you clearly have no idea who i am or you would know im on like level 12 of this shit. youre assigning me npc level base awareness of my own life and history and i bet you assign it to others too! dont do that. not every worldview you disagree with is a product of trauma that can be corrected with therapy. youre the one who needs to reflect on the way you see other people and their interiority.

[spookyserenades]

i got some free time to talk about the last two chapters but I don’t remember them in detail. I usually re read the last one the day before you upload the new one so I remember but I’m blanking a lot bc life has been pretty hectic. I’ll point out the things that stood out in the last chapter and maybe some from the one b4 since I remember lots maybes

namjoon- we are getting so much more closer w him and it makes me so happy. He’s really starting to trust her and the stone he gave her 🥹 i squealed. Honestly y/n goes above and beyond for them cause she literally got him whole trailer back like wtf 😭 I assume this is his first birthday celebration because before during jk’s b day he was confused about the candle thing. And him loving sweets YAS 👏 he’s salty at first but sweet in the inside!

jin- im glad that he was able to share his trauma w y/n I feel so bad for all of them. They were trained all their lives to be abused and used. I hope we get to meet Jin’s friend and that she’s safe. Omg not Jin being shy when he was being praised for his looks when they went out to eat like 🥹 he is such a handsome boi.

yoongi- he’s trying to kill us fr that basket ball scene no like stop actually fr. They just know and understand each other. They literally can get each others signal in a snap 🫰 I assume they must’ve met b4 I just wonder how. He played basket ball near where she went to college so maybe then it went she went out to a bar. No but back to The basketball scene. The moment they win he LOOKED for HER. She RAN into his ARMS that a literal k drama scene right there holy shit. Omg I got so many butterflies cause that’s true loooove. I just cant- that scene was everything I don’t have anymore words periot ☺️

hobi- I think the shifting scene was the one before the recent chapter but I t’embêtes about it. Jin is so cute he loves little scratches it made me go uwu. Hobi and yoongi are such menaces fr omg. Like not them being naked in front of her and yoongi covering her eyes they’re such teased especially hobi. The whistle thing where he was self conscious about it but then she said she would be able to find him in a grocery store as a marker ahhhh 🥹 and then when she whistled at him when he won his race ahhh. He was caught up in his friends hugging him and then heard it from her and was shocked gosh it’s so cute it’s like their little thang. Him being buddy buddy w Alice is sweet but also y/nie is totally jelly fr. Cause her meeting all seven of them was in the making and she was already catching feels before but now that she knows she’s meant to be w all of em. The seeds~ Honestly tho Alice is charming enough and she’s kind where I don’t feel threatened by her but also at the same time I do. Ahhh it’s like not her fault but hobi eyes over HERE please. I’m so interested to see what happends if they Alice and hobi get together. Hobi didn’t want to mark her and really restraint himself and maybe it’s bc if the idea of sharing her w other people or bc he’s scared he’s gonna be abandoned or bc he wants that connect w someone else I dunno.

this is super long so I’m gonna make a separate post for the maknae like bc my phone can’t send it all. I still have the home button… im emotionally attached to it…

AHH HELLO MY LOVE I'VE MISSED YOU!! 🥺💜 I hope school has been going well for you and you've been taking lots of breaks and having some downtime for yourself. I can't wait to talk about the last few chapters (and the new one, later) with you! I'll go member by member like you.

Joonie - Ahhh Joon is warming up so well lately, isn't he? His birthday was a blast to write, and had me squealing the whole time. It has been kind of hard to keep him so grouchy all these chapters considering he's my main bias, but I think for the character development it is well worth it-- I hope you think so too. You're right, Y/N definitely goes all out for the hybrids on their birthday, I wonder if she'll spoil them for Christmas, too? Also, you're right again, that was probably Namjoon's first birthday celebration, maybe that's why he felt like he wanted to give her that moonstone. Adorable!

Seokjinnie - Truly, Jin might be my fave hybrid but also so is Yoongi. He's just a total sweetheart and so whipped for Y/N already. He did not deserve that horrible treatment from the circus, and honestly I hope in the future Y/N and Ben cook up a lawsuit and tear the company to shreds. Jin's friend... well, she'll make her comeback soon, don't you worry! As for him getting shy over Alice calling him handsome, I kind of took that from IRL Seokjin. He often calls himself handsome (as he should!!!) but gets bashful when others confirm this or compliment him themselves. I think it's super endearing! 🥰

Yoongi - No like Yoongi is such a menace bro!!! He's just constantly flirting with Y/N, doting on her, and they just get each other. It's super sweet, and I adore leopard Yoongi with all my heart fr. I've said it before, but they definitely have past life lovers vibes or something adjacent to that.... AH and the basketball scene its definitely a Kdrama scene in the making, I wanna be held like that by Yoongi so bad.... he just wanted to see his girl!! (Also... so hot lmao) 💀

Hoseok - The scene a couple of chapters ago where Seokjin and Hoseok shifted was so much fun to write, seriously. If I were Y/N, I'd want to be snuggling up to the shifted hybrids all day long. (Like, imagine getting to cozy up with friendly bear Tae? PLS) But Hoseok really is such a tease, especially when he didn't even warn Y/N about the fact that he'd be naked in front of her when he'd shift back-- lucky (or maybe unlucky, for some) that Yoongi covered her eyes. The whistle!!! I think he was touched/taken aback when Y/N whistled it back to him at his track meet. He probably never had someone else learn it and repeat it back to him, and it was a special moment to include in the last chapter. As for him and Alice... things will definitely get a little tricky with that as time goes on, and it do not blame Y/N for being jealous at all. Y/N loves Alice, but she certainly wouldn't be thrilled to see her with Hoseok... And when Hoseok scented her, you're right, he was holding back! I think that he likely was hesitant to scent her because he has some abandonment issues that he needs to work through. Y/N will help him for sure!

fdjajkf Loved these comments you had for all the hyungs!! I'll answer everything you've sent in for the maknaes, too, and thank you for sending me love and your wonderful thoughts!! 🩷

[hana-the-ghostieee]

hey hey heyyy! not your typical yorushika post here but does involve them. as in elmy and ojisuma. anyways

sometimes i feel like my interests just bleed and blend into each other, unless they can't. (like i literally don't know how the same person that draws a butt ton of cats and likes to radiate positivity and enjoys kawaii culture and decora and happiness listens to songs about literally just living for music, and having no purpose once you literally can't create anymore, or about losing someone close to you and just having this hole. this hole in my heart they left behind. they used to be the one that could fill the void but now that they're gone i can't fill it, it's this hole that keeps spreading and spreading in the middle of my chest)

i mean let's be real i physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually can't connect Perfume and this like danish pastel aesthetic. or Kyary Pamyu Pamyu with 8/31, the day Amy ran out of ink and oofed himself with the one gay ship i show my support on in the back of my notebooks. (those men. they can break up in front of my gravestone. and my spirit will float around. forever haunting this land. edit: i read The Moon That Breaks by TheHufflebean on AO3 and when i got to the breakup scene i lied on the floor and held my breath for like 5 minutes because well. i don't have a gravestone just lying around. but then i reread the tags and there was a make up scene (which WAS there thank whoever you'd like) and continued reading)

and before any of you people on the wolfstar tag yell at me for not putting any content related to them um click/tap Keep reading please thank you

thanks for wasting your time trying to read this! anyways

there's going to be so many more edits and tweaks and finetunes i can FEEL it

lemme take wolfstar for an example (though yorushika hasn't been bled through, thank whoever you'd like, i will list it as an example. edit: yorushika may have been bled through.)

edit: feel more than free to steal these ideas =w= i'd be a terrible writer, art is my strong suit (tho credit me i guess? idk do what you want i won't be mad if you just yoink it from wherever you see this)

japan? poof. modern au. they move to shinjuku niichome. (japan's lgbt city)

um what else what else what elseeeeeee (sorry brain is scrambled rn)

cats? poof. they adopt more cats than any reasonable person should have. (with minor disinterest from sirius but remus is just INTO IT LIKE HECK YES CATS OR I'M JUST PROJECTING IDK) bonus points if they end up running a cat cafe/cat library

yorushika?

poof.

(okay don't steal any ideas from this point on i'm working on a fic for this)

(go read Letters to Elma and Elma's Diary if you want to make sense of what's going on here! i'd recommend you listen to the full albums That's Why I Gave Up On Music and Elma first though. also trigger warning - the protag for Letters/That's Why oofs himself.)

(also please don't yell at me for making them not sound like themselves, i wrote this at like 1am, i probably suck at writing and i modeled them after the original elma and amy okay thankth)

elmy au, sirius is amy and remus is elma. both are also music creators, sirius suffers from depression, gets told by a seer (idk why. oh maybe remus has a seer friend he'd like sirius to see?? *shrugs*) he'd have less than a year left to live because of a "chronic issue", loses it and [insert Letters to Elma here]

so i'm thinking it's kind of a poa grim situation here, where a bunch of symbols saying he'd die within the year just appear out of nowhere, more frequent than before and then he gets a diagnosis for some heart disease and then above scene plays out

edit: don't know how i forgot this buttttt um in Diary 5/15 Elma says "Life surely has an expiration date. Those were the words I let leak out to him, a long time ago." (him being amy ofc) and im just imagining remus saying a bunch of poetic stuff cuz even though he doesn't do it often, he's a freaking good songwriter then this comes up and sirius just internalizes those words like no other

also i think i've moved on from my Kamisama no Dansu (dance of the gods) phase, on to Ame Haruru (after the rain) and i want to mention a few lines. "another summer without you is on it's way" - i'm assuming this is remus going welp. i guess no boyfriend. it's been a while. (back when they were in school they had summers apart but then they moved in together so they also spent the summers together but ofc now that sirius is somewhere in gotland/farosund/idk remus is just. i guess you won't be there this summer) "finally, the rain fell" - a reference as to how amy/sirius left town before writing what it's like after the rain. and it's counterpart, "finally, the rain stopped" - remus/elma experiencing what it's like, knowing he didn't

more edit: uhm completely forgot about the lycanthropy so assume remus found a forest or something (you know what. it's the forest referenced in the instrumental mori no kyoukai/church in the forest) all the while sirius is in the back (or well lord knows where in gotland) cursing himself for forgetting the thing he does w/ bf every. single month

back to 12am me :P

oh but instead of writing down all the letters and whatever and then getting a box and mailing it off, sirius sends remus letters like individually and consistently so remus also goes to sweden and hunts him down but remus doesn't have any spare paper on him so he can't respond in any way

don't ask me how he sends the letters and how he receives the letters

oh wait i got it nvm! um sirius sends the letters by owl (how could i forget) and remus has a diary (because Elma's Diary) but you know. he's not one of those people that rips pages out of their books (at least in this au that exists in the void that is my mind)

and then he chases after him. literally looking freaking everywhere. sometimes they're 3 days apart. sometimes they're so close you'd be sure they have dora the explorer eyesight but no they JUST miss each other like BARELY by a MILLISECOND like seriously remus can freaking SMELL him but thinks it's like a hallucination (cuz he has been getting those recently, see Diary 8/27) or yk becuz he stole some of sirius' clothes (though on 5/15 Elma also says she can't taste anything so rem can't either. also smell & taste are connected so he essentially just loses the function to smell anything. sign of severe depression =w=)

and then comes 8/31. (machIGAUTTERUNDAYO WAKATTERUNDA ANTARA NINGEN MO--)

sirius is on the pier, opening the bottle of Flower Verdigris/Paris Green/Emerald Green/take your pick.

remus stands at the base (?) (what do you call that part on a dock/pier where you just get on) of the pier. he could recognize that black hair anywhere.

okay googled it

oh wait no that's for a floating dock

i googled it again

...found nothing. anyways

he stands at the base of the pier, at the silhouette sitting on the edge. he could recognize that curly, dark hair from 50 miles away.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK!!!"

sirius' head turns. he seems to be crying.

"re...?"

anyways remus runs up to him and [insert nautilus mv epic outro here but instead of the guitar it's sirius and instead of elma crying the liquid water out of her... being it's remus who is also crying the liquid water out of his being][...also nautilus is a wip until they get home][to clarify things remus does not pick sirius up like the guitar. they're hugging so hard you'd think a spine would break and they're maybe kissing and definitely crying]

edit: i sat down and thought about it so um sirius is sitting on the docks like one would sit on a bench (legs dangling off of the surface) and remus just runs to him and drops on the floor, kneeling position similar to the epic guitar/piano outro in the nautilus mv with the thrown papers and they're still crying and the sun is rising because even though amy oofed himself on the dock around the evening on 8/31 here sirius tries to oof himself at dawn, cuz the line "someday, the dawn will break, so try and open your sleepy eyes, because i've pictured them so many times" and then they stand up face each other and then collapse onto each other (like lean onto each other) and then cue passionate kissing (finally) (ooh as the sun rises and parts through the clouds. someday i will try my best to draw it. and um put it here. be prepared for the ultimate pathetic. something idk.)

and right now they're just gay sobbing messes :P

yet another edit: i'm thinking i can find a way to incorporate the lily/remus friendship. so you know the old lady that first appears in Diary 7/5, right? i'm thinking she's at least a representation of lily, though of course in this au she's swedish (along with the other peeps. yk james and peter and severus mhm) so remus understands. nothing. in this au they first meet because lily needed help w/ baggage ig? it's on the ferry to gotland and well her first husband/bf passed on (shown in Diary 7/22, elderly woman says "Man" and smiles, implying she looks back on the memories fondly, and we're expected to believe this was her husband. i'm thinking in this au maybe??? snape/lily was a thing. not sure. write some ship in the comments/rbs i guess) also i'm pretty sure she thought remus was straight and that he lost his gf/wife and is trying to move on too (in case you forgot, he's looking for a certain sirius, which is in fact alive, who is his bf) and on the ship home on 9/25 (i like to think they as in r/s stayed in sweden for a bit longer, taking more pics together and enjoying whatever they missed while looking for each other) they see lily/elderly woman again with her child harry supported by the man she loves, james (aww that would be sweet tho. fluffy jily and wolfstar stuff at the end) (in canon Diary, the elderly woman with her children and the new husband is kind of a symbol for Elma, saying she'll move on and heal and potentially find someone else)

okay i thought about it and sat a bit more. and. remember 8/27? (the blend of fantasy/reality whatever where Elma finds Amy's stuff?) uhm i'm thinking something like that would happen here on 8/31, but ofc with more intervention from miss nice old lady (represented by lily). so she's moved on from her grief and found another love (james) right? well turns out james is still an animagus in this au (how helpful =w=) and lily is just. unsure of what the heck happened. (tho she does get some "help i'm looking for my boyfriend" vibes) until she connects the dots. they're fronking looking for each other before sirius' life reaches it's "expiration date" (though let's be real. throwing away that life would be like yeeting a loaf of freshly baked bread into the bin) so she tells james the master plan. she thinks on the last day of his life, remus would go out and look for him again, unaware of the fact that his boyfriend is literally at the lowest point of his life. so she'd sent out james for remus to follow (under the pretense that that was sirius' shadow, before leading him to the docks where sirius would go like once every like two weeks since coming to gotland to regret whatever he did) and then cue the scene from "and then comes 8/31. (maCHIGAUTTERUNDAYO WAKATTERUNDA ANTARA NINGEN MO--)" it's basically just saaaaaaaaaaaayonaaaaaaaaaaaaaaraa no haYASA DE KAOO WO AGETE. ITSUKA YATTO YORU GA AKETARA, MOU, ME WO SAMASHITEEEEE, MITEEEEEEEE, NEBOKE MANAKO NO KIMI WO, NANDEDATTE EGAITEIRU KARA (yeah i put some lines from nautilus, your point is?) all the while jily are just watching the gay sobbing messes™ from afar, in the forest or hiding in a bush near the base, high-fiving and cheering or something idk

ohkayee back again to me from 1am

oh also remus does write the responses to the songs sirius sent him, and they show each other freakin all the songs they wrote (so sirius shows him the summer grass gets in my way and a loser doesn't need an encore in the "original" notebook Elma finds on 8/27 but again this is wolfstar. so rem runs to siri and then they go back and take all the other stuff. and then remus shows him the pre-8/27 but in this case pre-8/31 songs and then writes ame to kapuchiino/rain and cappucino, kokoro ni ana ga aita/a hole opened up in my heart, yuu ichijou/only sorrow and the wolfstar version of amy because well. he wrote responses to almost the entire album. so close yet so far. and sirius is in the back reading the lyrics remus wrote and is just crying the liquid water out of his body because did he really cause his boyfriend that much pain? IM SORRYBDJSJSBDB DJSJSHEHDHDHDHEVRHFIKSJSJSJEGEUDHSHRJRIDJX DNDJE DDKAJWBBDJDISJABSDN9W72URIROAQHENNSOAOWIWKSKSKWKWKKAAAALSOWKMRRFIUY)

also sirius moves to the inn/room where remus stays in while doing the looketh for boyfriend and songwriting thing. remus doesn't realize how salty his pillow smells until now. (one of the downsides of crying yourself to sleep =w=)

i do realize there are some continuity errors in the way the songs are written, like in this au everything's supposed to happen within the same year, whereas in canon elmy everything happens assumably in two consecutive years (it doesn't explicitly state) and because it's written under two consecutive years assumably the songs would have to be written and sent at different times (especially august, a certain place, moonlight and evening calm, a certain place, fireworks.)

edit: so i'm thinking before the events of any of these. sorry if this ruins continuity in this au or something but like before the events of this remus co-wrote the summer grass gets in my way and a loser doesn't need a encore's songs (the first two eps by yorushika), specifically the ones with music videos except for The Clouds and The Ghost (for the summer grass - Say It. & Fireworks Beneath My Shoes and for a loser doesn't need - Hitchcock, Just a Sunny Day For You & Semi-Transparent Boy) and then when he finds the notebook they sit down and review the non-mv vocal songs thus far (Cattleya, Blooming In That Summer, A Loser Doesn't Need An Encore, Compulsive Bomber & Hibernation and they're all bops)

alrighty back again to 12am me :|

moreeee editttttt: so about the song Dance of the Gods. (because i've been freaking obsessed with it since like August) um there are a bunch of lines i want to include so. in the song at the end of the choruses, there are variations of the line "I don't care, I'll go even further, to a place no one's ever heard of, searching for the moonlight" (being "I don't care, I'll go even further, to a place no one can see, and put up an imitation of living" and "That's right, I'll go even further, to a place no one knows of, searching for the moonlight") and i think that's Elma giving up on creating music to give it "value" and "a life of it's own", and creating music because well it's fun but in this au i think that's remus going I WILL FOLLOW BEEF TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH IF THAT'S WHERE HE IS (not sure why remus would call sirius moonlight tho cuz well he's moony) (okay you know what. sirius looks down upon his ability to compose while calling remus' songs his moonlight and that he was jealous of his skills. remus, being the self loathing person he is thinks it's like a light hearted joke or something. now that his boyfriend is gone he's trying to find this "moonlight" boyfriend saw that he couldn't see, wanting to live out his ideals)

and another edit: so the August, A Certain Place, Moonlight and Evening Calm, A Certain Place, Fireworks problem. the thing about the Elmy story is Elma's story takes place a year, i think, after Amy's, so all the songs would be written at completely different times, not necessarily within a few days of each other. i'm thinking sirius wrote August and sent it out to remus and then remus wrote Evening Calm because they sound similar and at first canon Elma imitated Amy before slowly moving on to her own style so these gay messes do too

same issue between Let's Dance and Dance of the Gods - but this time i think Dance of the Gods was written shortly after Let's Dance

and then they go back home which is in Sekimachi i guess (that's the town Elma met Amy so ??? i guess r/s lives there now??? they (elma and amy) met in the cafe (that has since closed down) shown in the rain and cappuccino mv which is allegedly in sekimachi) and live long enough for me not to be able to think about how their lives end because now that i ship them so bad, reading ootp and tdh again would practically (and effectively) traumatize me. i'd be scarred for life. it's like that one scene in nakineko where Kento says he hates Miyo and rejects her in front of the whole class and then she starts tearing up and runs out of the class and Yori follows her and then Miyo is just numb to the pain. she got hurt so bad she can't feel anything. flash forward to when she gets home. *face buried in pillow* [LOUD SOBBING NOISES]

more edit: i just realized. okay so on the last Letter (from 8/31, when Amy runs out of ink) Amy states he quit music once, but Elma brought him back into it, after she showed him some songs she wrote and sung and he described it as (wait lemme pull up the doc) "unerring, faultless light that can only illuminate the night. unimaginably soft, dazzling beyond my wildest dreams, pale moonlight" (ink fades away at the word moonlight) and um now i feel like that's what sirius would sometimes call remus (besides moons or moony)

like no. honey we're gon kill no one today. thank yu. (maybe this is why i read fanfics)

another edit: so you know how i listed here they go home and share the songs they wrote and whatevers?? um now im thinking. remus finishes writing the last 4 songs that in Elma's Diary were written after 8/27 (rain and cappuccino, a hole opened up in my heart, only sorrow and the wolfstar version of amy in case you forgot) and sirius shares his thoughts

so um here

(also i feel like the "still grieving" thing would be remus. just being scared about the fact that bf might just run out the door and disappear again? and feels a lot safer when he wakes up with bf in his arms)

rain and cappuccino:

[first verse] pretty innocent

[chorus] *voice shaking* wow, keeping in track with the theme i see

remus: to be fair, what i responded to had a similar message. ...as if i could let memories of you fade away (no literally like i can't even if i wanted to)

a hole opened up in my heart:

[first three lines] MOONLIGHT BABE STOP IT PLEASE I SWEAR ON THE EXISTENCE OF EVERYTHING I WILL NEVER HURT YOU AGAIN

(for context, the song sirius would've written is false night, whose main line is "I want to open a hole in you", and this song is the response to that, with the main (and first) line "That's why a hole has opened up in my heart")

[end of the song] *lying on the floor, indistinct but very loud sobbing noises*

remus: well i did have to capture what i felt then. more grieving and crying up ahead

(this is by far the most painful song ever it's like a knife stuck in your chest and you take the handle and keep twisting it deeper into yourself just AAAAAAAAA LET ME CRYYYYYYY)

only sorrow:

[reads title] do i bring out the tissues or...?

[first verse] okay wow this sounds nothing like the song i wrote pretty ironic since you tried to literally "live" my life but okay

remus: wait for it

[chorus] okay i sound about ready to cry

amy (or the wolfstar ver):

(before reading/listening) if this is another song about grief i swear im going to go cry alone for the next 5 hours

(after reading and/or listening) *5 second delay* *goes and hugs remus*

(amy as in the song is one of the sweetest songs yorushika has made like ever in their 8-ish years of existence. it responds to the song elma and was written when elma (the person) finally moves on from her grief and now looks fondly back to those days. when her lover oofed himself and she went through sweden crying and looking for him. ...yeah not that sweet but idk)

all the while remus is just writing this and showing it to him like how i do with my art when talking about it with my friends. just "alrightyyyyyyy i did a thing. here. *smacks paper down on table* any thoughts???"

and then [insert healing and fluffy romantic stuff here]

okay thats all for the edit continue reading the thing 12am me wrote

oh shoot now i can't unthink this why T^T

um oh well i guess? i'll probably forget this was a thing anyways

oh but since we're already hereeeeeeeeeee

poof.

ojisuma au

(okay you can steal this one)

(read the novel Plagiarism for context here! the album isn't as important here, it kind of serves as a background noise and also expresses oji-san's experience. oh also yes, the album takes melodies, beats and rhythms from actual songs (as well as their own, in the song plagiarism) so yeah go listen to the album too i guess :D)

sirius is oji-san and remus is tsuma but tsuma doesn't die and they also work together to produce music but what rem doesn't know is siri has been stealing???? all of these sounds??? for the songs he thought was original??? and eventually siri comes to the conclusion that the only original thing he can create is his downfall as a musical artist (essentially just goes through what oji-san does but no dead wife but this is a wolfstar au so no dead husband.) so he does. this is my pathetic replacement for the prank and them not trusting each other. and rem is not happy. (he no trust him no more) but siri then goes and creates the two songs night journey and ghost in a flower because i think oji-san wrote those songs after he destroyed his reputation cuz they sound so different from all the other songs in tousaku (or maybe it was because of nakineko. not complaining it is still my fav movie. there's CATS. there's drama. there's CATS. there's romance. there's CATS. there's magical island with cats. there's CATS. did i say CATS. anyways)

um society as a whole just hates on siri. honestly can't blame society as a whole.

and then he releases sousaku/creation without stealing a thing (applaud for him please. i cant hear you clapping CLAP HARDER) and then *cue redemption arc*

yet. another. edit. : um i feel like adding some stuff so sirius would've written the songs Ghost in a Flower and Spring Thief to celebrate the relationship he had (and will get back) with remus, Night Journey and The Lying Moon as the break-up (but not the like "I'M DONE GOODBYE D:<" kinda songs, more like the "I'll remain here, as you go to the other side" or the "Rain has fallen, flowers have scattered/I still think about your rosy cheeks/as I keep drinking love from a bottomless ladle/It's true, it's tasteless, this thirst that's never satisfied, but you can laugh all you want and say "Is that so?/but I'll be here, just waiting for you") um and the instrumental creation would be a filler, and Robbery and Bouquet would be an allusion to his past self with the plagiarism and the sound stealing and i'm not sure what Eat the Wind would be

and then they get back together ^.^

(ooh but hold on. i feel like making a plagiarist remus and a tsuma sirius)

if the ojisuma au didn't sound as in depth or something know that Dakara Boku wa Ongaku wo Yameta (basically elmy) is like the most iconic yorushika lore

therefore more people are more interested in that (and i am part of more people :P) (also there's more context in elmy than ojisuma)

wow how the hekk did i connect wolfstar. a fanon (that deserves to be canon) gay ship about two friends in a group at a wizarding school that end up being more with... yorushika. a band that constantly hurts me. as in it hurts GOOD. like go listen to yoru magai and then kokoro ni ana ga aita. (with translations cuz im pretty sure barely any of you guys on the wolfstar or sirius x remus tag know japanese) LIKE STOPPPPPP THAT SONG IS THE DEFINITION OF GRIEF AND PAIN AND I DON'T KNOW HOW N-BUNA, A PERSON THAT SAID HE WROTE SONGS LIKE THESE TO EXPRESS HIS VIEWS ON LIKE LIFE AND DEATH CREATE A SONG THIS PAINFUL. LIKE HOW DO YOU WRITE SONGS LIKE THESE???

edit: i didn't connect them i practically forced another universe onto them (also i may be one of the first people to do this idk i have no idea who else is a big yorushika fan and a wolfstar shipper)

okay that is all i think have a nice dayyyyyy/nighttttttt/timezoneeeeeeeee

wait WHAAA

okay im typing this on mobile and??? you can freaking DRAG PARAGRAPHS???

...why don't they make this with tags i had to use little asterisks when i posted that apparently bots keep following me thing

wow this is like the LONGEST post i've made ever what the hell

wow the amount of times i've edited this GOSH

uhm anyways *hand on hip* *thumbs up* woo! *collapses face-down on floor*

[thepermanentrainpress]

CONCERT REVIEW: FIONN W/ AUDALEI AND ANTON SETH AT FOX CABARET - MARCH 24, 2023

Local folk-pop duo Fionn took over the stage at Vancouver’s beloved Fox Cabaret last Friday. Supported by openers Anton Seth and audalei, this show pushed the boundaries of genre, blending heartfelt lyrics with catchy melodies and energetic riffs. All three artists commanded the stage, captivating the audience from the very first song with the candor and verve of their storytelling.

Anton Seth kicked off the show with expert stage presence, using the entire available space to stroll and dance around in punk-business-casual attire. He connected with the crowd from the first moment and embodied the lyrics, immediately drawing us in to the dynamic energy on stage. Ian Perry rocked playful riffs and energetic solos on a snazzy blue guitar, underscored by Skylar Bartel’s sleek black bass, with Josh Ertman on the drums keeping everyone dancing. Anton’s vocal prowess supported the emotionality of his lyrics through sustained notes and catchy choruses alike. Their music is a blend of playfulness and angst, with Anton describing some songs as being trauma dumps and others as being more upbeat. Their setlist included “As Is,” a brand new song released that day; “Selfish,” described as being about a selfish asshole after a breakup; “Space Girl,” for which they invoked audience participation; an Allen Stone cover to close, which they characterized as bringing the classy vibes for the Fox Cabaret. After seven years in his previous band, Anton Seth has launched an extremely promising solo career and is more than capable of taking larger venues by storm.

audalei took the stage next, sparking interest right away with an eclectic mix of styles: vocalist audalei in a fishnet top and baggy ripped jeans, a laptop operated by a mysterious Mr. Gorilla in a head-to-toe gorilla suit, and guitarist Lucas in a classy button-up. audalei’s charisma and confidence on stage strikes a balance with the heartwrenching vulnerability of her lyrics, e.g. “you only love me when you’re wasted.” Bouncing around on stage, her light and playful energy felt comforting while her lyrics wove stories universally relatable and sometimes painful. Her earnest and passionate energy held our attention for every word. Between songs, when she wasn’t singing directly to our hearts, she told us she was trying her hand at stand-up. She filled the room with laughter, cracking jokes and giving wry shoutouts to alcohol and narcissists before launching into “sour candy jesus christ.” Other songs performed included “I don’t care,” which audalei described as less heartbreaking; “atleast my therapist thinks im cool,” which blew up on TikTok; “20 SOMETHiNG,” for which she encouraged audience participation; an ambitious cover of Amy Winehouse’s “Valerie,” a perfect fit for audalei’s smooth and vulnerable voice. In sum, watching audalei perform feels like a cathartic dance party in your living room with your best friends.

The show concluded with headliner Fionn. Sisters Alanna and Brianne filled the venue with powerful vocals, sometimes playing bass and guitar respectively and other times using a backing track. Cole supported on the drums with an energetic momentum. Though the sisters’ clothing styles contrasted, platform shoes matched their heights. Their voices melted together seamlessly into beautifully dynamic melodies. Neither commanded more presence than the other, but rather they highlighted each other, occupying the center of focus as a unit. They shifted between movement and stillness, reflecting the balance their music strikes between fierce power, playful celebration, and tender softness. Both have strong and versatile ranges, giving them the ability to adapt and support each other’s vocal parts.

Their performance was expressive, never shying away from embodying the honesty in their songwriting. At one point, during “Goldfish,” Alanna broke a guitar pick and regretted not having extras (her outfit had no pockets) – but Anton Seth came to the rescue and provided a spare. Other songs they played included “18,” about having a crush; “All Good,” which Alanna said was because it’s always all good, as she donned retro sunglasses; a cover of Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” which they styled with gorgeous harmonies and got the crowd almost moshing; “Take Me Out,” with personal lyrics based on a diary entry; “Leo,” with its catchy pop chorus, and before which they mentioned they’re both Leo risings; “Dirty Dancing,” for which they told us we must dance, because this is the song where they lose it.

This show was a journey through three distinct songwriting styles with vastly different backgrounds and personalities – all of which share the common ground of expert storytelling with heartfelt sincerity, wrapped up in melodic verve and passion. These are three artists who each have something important to say, and exceptional voices with which to share it.

Written by: Jules Photographed by: Josh Papalia  

[nopeemi]

this is the life, bo bo, bo bo bo Bohemia

[stargir1z]

hello diary entry

[artificialcats]

:')

[calebwittebane]

naur but legitimately. ppl im actually close to to any degree are people i rly rly care about which includes my fiance and my sibling and the two close friends that i have. other than that its like. the kinda bonds where i help them if they need my help and they help me if i need their help, but overall we dont expect each other to be in contact or be close emotionally. because We Live In A Society and its healthy and necessary to maintain mutually beneficial bonds and offer a sense of belonging. and i dont hang out with people and i tend to go places alone and i organize my time based on what i want. really the only hanging out i do is with some of these aforementioned close ones, which is to say mostly my fiance. im not interested in meeting new people, or be involved in Friends Groups. my closed ones dont even rly know one another, like they know about one anothers existence but thats about it, so theres absolutely no possibility of Internal Drama here, theyre each from a different Circle. im super wary of people. i just dont fuck w nobody! if someones attempting to know me well they can try but i can already tell them the outcome. do my long and complicated questline first, if you want to unlock my route. i can be vulnerable w people if it fits into the aforementioned notion of helping and being helped - which is to say there have been people im not like Super close with who have approached me to have a candid conversation about trauma (especially the incest kind), because i offered and because once again thats part of Helping And Being Helped, cuz in this case i think its vital for survivors to stick together and make each other feel heard and understood and not alone, and share own experiences with one another. but Thats Different cuz we're connecting about something that transcends regular human bonds i think. idk its an if you know you know thing, i think. my point is i dont fuck with nobody and im better for it. I Stay Out Of Shite. someone in close proximity having some kinda drama? well phew cause i dont know any of the people involved and dont have any kinda Allegiance and the possibility of making myself look like an idiot to defend a dipshit friend - or making myself look like an idiot And exposing myself to tedious hostility by trying to explain to a dipshit friend that theyre being a dipshit - doesnt even appear on the table. Good. i only concern myself with my own flaws, and brother, i have plenty! i stay in my lane and boy what a bumpy lane full of potholes it is, so i better pay full attention. with the exception of two, maybe three people, I Dont Trust People With Information. i dont subject myself to people. masking is a fucking chore i dont have energy for, why would i do it willingly? for fun, to hang out with people for fun? thats not fun at all. if i dont trust them enough to let them see me as i am then whats the fucking point genuinely. I Lied To The Producers So Im Sorry Now, Im Not Neurotypical-Passing In The Slightest, Bitch, I Tried