#like theres anything uniquely evil about a word

[abrillustrated]

coldest take of the century but i am so sick and tired of things that are my personal and private property censoring adult content. i am an adult. i am not in public. why the fuck is the content i am trying to find being censored??? this is fucking ridiculous, it's ridiculous that the music i play on my phone always plays the censored version of any chappell roan song, and it fucking ridiculous that the Dictionary wont show me definitions for a word that is sexual in nature. like what the fuck. first of all, information should never be censored for perceived inappropriateness. second of all, ITS MY FUCKING DEVICE! I AM AN ADULT MAN. IT IS INSANE THAT I AM BEING PREVENTED FROM EXPLORING ADULT TOPICS WHEN THERE ARE NO CHILDREN EVEN REMOTELY CLOSE TO ME. the entire internet is being forcibly baby proofed and there's not even a way to remove the stupid baby gates. i should not have to censor myself for nonexistent children. i can vote i can make choices for my damn self and if want to listen to chappell roan sing about how much she wants to fuck hot older women while looking up the definition of dacryphilia (bc i was pretty certain abt the definition but wanted to check) than i should be able to do so. fuck me man. i love rules as much as the next guy but this is ridiculous

[satin-velvet]

I am obsessed with the fact you write for the Wizard and your works are so amazing!!! I hate that the character is so overlooked (also it’s literally Jeff Goldblum hello??). I was wondering if you could write one where he keeps hinting to the reader about wanting to be a father/headcanons about the Wizard becoming a father? Your recent headcanons inspired this because he would totally keep slipping it into conversation.

✧. 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒲𝒾𝓏𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝒶𝓈 𝒶 𝐹𝒶𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝐻𝑒𝒶𝒹-𝒞𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓃𝓈 *. * ✧

summary: head-canons about the wonderful wizard being/becoming a father

note: i’ve wanted to get into father!oscar for soo long because he is precious. thank you anon for sending this in. also, yes, i completely agree about him being overlooked. evil oscar, father oscar.. even though some of sentimental man was him manipulating elphie, i think theres truth in what hes saying about longing to be a father.

disclaimer: mentions of pregnancy, fem-coded reader but other ambiguous

┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐

Before you actually have a baby, you would be able to pick up on all the ‘subtle’ hints he wanted one. Whenever he would show you the Oz of Tomorrow (which happens to be often) he would always show you the little house with all the children figurines and tell you how much he would cherish being a dad. Or, having baby furniture “just in case”.

Going over potential names and making a list of the ones you two like and don’t like. He would come up with the most unique, creative names that he’s very sure nobody in all of Oz has for the baby. Sometimes unintentionally, he might bring up having a child in conversation, and we know we loves talking, so he could go on about it for awhile until you stop him or agree.

I imagine he has a workshop room somewhere in the palace, and he’d spend a lot of time crafting toys for the future child and presenting them to you for your approval. Any tweaks or suggestions you give him will be taken into account for the newest model. He would try furniture, too, to varying degrees of success. A crib made out of emeralds maybe isn’t the best idea, but Oscar will somehow make it work anyway.

He would get the best caregivers and governess’s to take care of you and the baby. This time, he wouldn’t use an elixir on you, thank goodness. He would definitely be anxious about something going wrong, and would stay by your side the entirety of your pregnancy (if you went that route). He would never let anything bad happen to his child, or you. At this point in your relationship, you and his future child are all he has. He’d be very hesitant to leave the child alone, maybe with the worry something bad might happen; I think he’d be worried a lot, that something might go wrong, but with reassurance from you he’ll calm down.

Every and any need or want you had would be met. Massages, cravings, self-care.. you would never be without. Even if it was something only found on the outskirts of Oz, he’d get someone to go and get it for you. Your comfort is key to him, and there is nothing between you and your happiness.

He’d have the greenest nursery to match the palace, and all of the comfiest onesies and blankets (hand stitched by the best). He would absolutely read to the child and sing songs. Every book in his library, any nursery rhyme he can remember. He’d had everything prepared in the nursery, that, he would let you design if you wanted. But the color is a little hard to negotiate. He’s also have a playroom built (but this time, fit for a child)!

He would give the child a tour of the entire palace when they got a little older, and the Emerald City, (but any farther, he could not be convinced) with you. He’d want to be there for every one of the child’s milestones, and would document them all. First words, first steps, etc..

Of course, he’ll always make time for you, and include you in everything regarding the kid. But, you know, the moments where you three are all together might be the most heartwarming for you. It might not be three for long, because the second you’re healthy enough, he’ll start the whole process of hinting that he wants a second child all over again. How fun! He’d be grateful for however many kids you give him, because being a father at all is probably his hearts desire.

*. * ✧

[the-s1lly-corner]

How could each Evil Adult do in a dinner date?

dinner date w/ various knd villains

i dont usually take larger group posts buuuuuut i was already planning on writing something like this and this was the kick i needed to get to it LMAOAOAOAO!! happy to see people still requesting knd even if my writing for it has slowed down a bit!

characters: father, knightbrace, cuppa joe, stickybeard, spankulot, toiletnation

notes: reader is gn, established relationship, admin did his best to make everyone unique with their settings- hard given theyre all dinner dates!

cws: none

father

if should come as a surprise to absolutely no one that he would use the fact that he has access to money to spoil you- get ready to be taken to some high end place to eat! if you need an outfit he even offers to buy you something nice

all things considered, he does try to make the night as perfect as possible and hes quick to agitate if something comes up that can derail those plans- example being your typical knd antics or something else entirely

provided nothing happens, the night is... actually pretty nice..

he feels nice being able to spoil you, if he knows you cant afford your half of the bill hes willing to pay it off

wears a bowtie over his shadow suit thing, it.. looks a little funny because it looks like its just been glued on

the type to give flowers before a date to set a tone for the night

knightbrace

obviously hes going to make you brush after you both eat but thats not exactly part of the date, now is it? i mean he can try if he can find a way to make it romantic- side note if you struggle with general self care knightbrace is your man to hype you up

moving on

he does his best not to comment on your food choices- not in a body shaming way of course, hes just extremely uber hyperaware of whats going on with your teeth- hes got a bit of fixation that kind of boarders on obsession but thats another thing for another day

asides from that, hes actually pretty normal! he doesnt do fancy high end restaurant, hes more comfortable in spaces that are more casual...

splits the bill with you- you can have dessert, hes fine with not having any

if theres anything else hes obsessed with that isnt teeth, its time. he always makes sure hes on time to meet with you, likely a trait from his days as a dentist in training- got to be on time for appointments!

spankulot

he offers to let you meet up with him at his home- assuming he has one... i like to think he lives.. somewhere... whether it be a cave somewhere or in some old creepy manor! vampire stuff, you know?

does his best to put everything together so he can impress you

you can see him doing the hand shakey thing if you catch glimpses of him working on things before he sets the table... hes so eager to please you its adorable

fancy, but without the pressure of having to conform to others and their standards- you're in the comfort of a home!

tailors the meal to what you enjoy, he definitely keeps multiple cook books on hand! hes got recipes!

talking a mile a minute about his day as well as how hes happy you were able to make it for your date, and he listens to every word when you speak

very attentive partner who does everything for you, sweet man. blorbo

cuppa joe

you guys dont get to go on dates often due to him being out on his coffee rigs for... long periods of time..

i believe i mentioned in a different post somewhere the he does try to make up for lost time by absolutely spoiling you and smothering you in his love and attention

loaded as well, that coffee money PAYS! he can afford to take you to some fancy schmancy place, but thats not really his style

its a bit predictable, but he takes you to a cafe to get a drink and some treats. its far more casual than father or knightbrace's idea for a date, but you cant deny that the coziness offers you a comfortable atmosphere to catch up

makes sure you get the highest quality coffee, wouldnt be surprised if he was the one supplying the specific cafe you two were sitting in

tells you about all his findings out on the rig and asks you if youve been up to everything, he offers to take you with him the next time he has to go out

stickybeard

i can see him taking you to that candy bar he was at in the black licorice episode! hope youre ready to get some toothaches because there... isnt much options for actual food... actually now that you think about, have you ever seen your boyfriend eat actual food? sure he sometimes goes to the villain bbq, but-

night outs with stickybeard are always full of energy and laugh, he makes sure youre having a good time and hes ready to call it a night if youre getting tired or otherwise ready to put an end to the social event

insists you do most of the talking, he thinks your voice is the sweetest thing ever... pun intended!

does his best to take you out every week or two, definitely takes you out when he successfully carries out an evil plan to rob a child or a candy shop

date nights rarely end with dinner, expect him to have another activity planned afterwards! even if its just sailing around the suburbs in his ship!

toiletnator

he either prepares something at his place or yours- or he takes you out to eat somewhere

who needs to dress up and sit at some posh place when you can just catch a movie and then grab something quick to eat?

sure its not the most.. traditionally romantic... but the simplicity of it feels just as charming as the other characters nights in my opinion!

makes sure youre having fun- he can sometimes get carried away with the things he wants to do that night, but he can pull himself back if he notices you're not having as much fun as he had hoped you would

offers to pay for everything even if he cant afford it- i... doubt he makes a lot of money given that hes not a very successful villain..

[semi-imaginary-place]

the mangekyo is classic kishimoto. he needed a cool powerup thats the explanation, you can clearly tell he was just doodling cool eye design and came up with an excuse later. the mangekyo isn't from killing someone its from the grief of someone you love dearly dying, because the uchiha are the clan of emotion (the one consistency in the manga). all sharingan upgrades are from intense emotions. and mangekyo only unlocks with the most intense emotion: grief. there's plenty of uchiha that awakened it even if they didn't directly kill their loved one. anyways the explanation is that the intense emotion causes a chakra reaction in the brain that causes their eyes to change. see the secret is that naruto is 95% bullshit like this. mangekyo sharingan is a great example of the phenomena.

i hate this explanation so much. special brain chakra... and then the mangekyo is a more extreme version requiring even stronger emotions. the sharingan doesn't normally develop over time. it requires the intense emotions to level up and it just so happens that putting child soldiers in a war in life or death situations where most of their friends and family die tends to meet those requirements.

im rotating the fire lightning sasuke chakra affinity debate in my head. Sasuke's shown talent with both making giant fireballs in like a week and a small one on his first try and lightning chidori in a month. He uses a mix of fire and lighting jutsu. So theres no strong evidence in either those two points that tilts the scales. His mangekyo sharingan is the most unique and personal of his skills and ameterasu (sun goddess) is a fire skill. This is probably the strongest evidence that he's fire affinity. His clan's specialty is fire. On the lighting side is how he's a reincarnation of indra, indra irl the hindu god of the sky (indoeuropean sky father diety thik odin or zeus) so theres a strong association with lightning there, most of the jutsu sasuke's created has been lightning too like kirin or the sword thing.

Finishing up the naruto manga and i have to say sauce-gay is the worst at thinking, truly not a single thought rattling around in there only murder. When naruto is the brains reasoning side of thia fight, you should knkw you've messed up. Im going to kill itachi -> im going to kill everyone in konoha -> im going to kill the kages just because -> save the world teehee -> jk lmao back to killing all the kages, bijuu, and ofc naruto.

One thing i find interesting about the third hokage hiruzen is how his belief in the good in others causes so many problems. Hiruzen believes so strongly in people being their best selves than he will overlook anything and everything and do nothing about problems because he thinks those problems will fix themselves. Danzo and orochimaru are great examples of this. Danzo: betrays hiruzen Hiruzen: thats ok you care about konoha Danzo: tries to throw a coup Hiruzen: thats ok you care about konoha Danzo: betrays hirizen again Hiruzen: thats ok you care about konoha Danzo: kidnaps and tortures children Hiruzen: thats ok you care about konoha Danzo: genocides the uchiha clan Hiruzen: slap on the wrist. Really the whole uchiha affair was very indicative hiruzens personality and leadership style. He makes attempts at dialogue but makes 0 policy changes to back up his words or address the grievances of the uchiha. Because he believes it will all work out in the end, the fugaku and the uchiha are good people and a part of konoha so of course hiruzen doesnt actually need to take any action or need to demonstrate that the uchiha that they are a part of konoha. I think in any other job hiruzen would have just been the kindly old man and a good person but because he was in a leadership position where his negligence and willingness to believe the best in people, he was complicit in just a lot of evil like all the torturing kids wow.

The konoha leadership or the narrative potential of it i find very interesting. But thats mostly because i like political dramas. I would happily read a political drama about all the factionalism and clan politics of konoha and probably like it better than the actual series. All the hokages and leadership end up a bit morally ambiguous. On the pretty clearly evil but does have a couple points is danzo who was right how sometimes sacrifices must be made but his vision of konoha was so tied up in his own ego. His foal was what was best for konoha but what he saw as best for konoha oh so conveniently placed him in a position of unilateral total power. And thus anything he did to advanced his own position also in his mind advanced the interest of konoha. On the other end is hashirama who did so a lot to end violence and brokered a lot of peace agreements and instead of 6 year olds he was only sending out 10 year olds to for die for their nation. Progress. And he also went and enslaved the bijuu as war weapons. And rhen theres tobirama who invented public education but also zombies, encoded factionalism into law and isolated the uchiha his clan's rival clan (and we all know how well than ended up).

Back to political drama. Boruto seems really bad like really really bad and i don't think it should have been made at all. But if the premises were to be salvaged i think the best way would be to make it a work comedy/political drama/midlife crisis story geared toward struggling 40 year olds. Of course this would never sell which is why they didnt do it. But you could really revel in the mess of things. Stressed out, overworked, marriage in shambles, dreams all crumbled to dust. Like naruto and hinata married at 19 and had a kid at 20. Yikes slow down. A more interesting take would have been that naruto didnt particularly want to marry hinata but wanted all the things that came with it. Naruto's a people pleaser this is canon, and hinata loves him unconditionally and fiercely in a way he has no reference for so of course he loves her back and wants her to be happy. Naruto is nice like that. He alao has little references for healthy marriages. He wants to be happy, he wants to be loved, he wants a normal family, he wants kids. And you know the hyuuga clan was putting on the pressure. Town hero and future hokage? Oh they are jumping on that. And he likes being with hinata but the pressures getting to him and the job is getting to him, he's wanted this for so long so of course he has to push himself. But he's unhappy and desperately in denial that he is unhappy because he has everything he's ever wanted what could be wrong.

... boruto (the kid) is a boomer. Like a literal post war baby boom

A lot of people were mad at that kishimoto decided to put a war in naruto and im not. The writing is bad but a lot of the writing in naruto is bad..i dont hate the concept because war is a reoccurring theme in naruto. The last continent wide war was a little over 15 years ago so all the adult characters are traumatized by it. Their society is geared towards perpetual war and the constant imminent of threat of war drives the politics of all the nations. And the 4th shinobi war does continues the main themes of Naruto. Because the contingent is caught in a cycle pain and hurt where wars are waged against each other but finally they arent fighting each other they are fighting with each other, they break that cycle. This ties in with the other theme that people cant do things alone (nagato, itachi, madara, obito), people are stronger together (naruto, the allied shinobi force). The "with all our power combined" thing is heavy handed but eh naruto isnt a good series. Ninja war had parts that were very good and them a whole lot of filler inbetween. Pacing was bad.

Contrast this with bnha (which im currently reading) which overall is a better series with better writing but unlike naruto, bnha did not have those underlying themes of war so its was arc is more out of place. In some ways bnha is more political especially in the social justice sense. The dynamic between those with and without quirks in particular i find interesting. In that when quirks first appeared those with them were heavily discriminated against. The term "quirk" itself in universe was an act of early quirk activism. And to this day those with very visually noticeable quirks or bodies that look different are discriminated against in the same society where now a quirkless kid will get bullied for not having a quirk. Those who are oppressed are not innocent of never further the oppression of others. Like irish americans becoming cops

[eziojensenthe3rd]

Midnight Gaming: Ken Levines Big Twist

Last night I played System Shock 2 past midnight, checked socials.... and didnt find anything to talk about it so we'll just skip it for today.

System Shock 2 is the continuation of System Shock 1, a dungeon crawler that has helped build up the Immersive Sim genre that games like Bioshock, Deus Ex and Dishonored are a part of. You travel around the ship the Von Braun, trying to complete objectives while surviving the hivemind parasite that infected the crew and keeps trying to preach the good word of the flesh. One of the big things that you may have heard is that possibility of being soft-locked by not having the skills you need in order to finish the game, with some sections being uncompletable without a skill or just large sections that demand some specilisation to break through them. This was something I also heard and it kept me from playing the game until I found a guide online that explained the proper build for new players like myself. So if you happen to also not touch SS2 because of this, then let me paraphrase that for you.

Off the train, go through recruitment facility until you get to the choice of branchs. Pick Navy, you're then going to move to a new location and be presented a choice for deployment 3 times. Choose Ship Ops, then Tactical Training and finally Survival Training. You'll now have a decent starting health, able to hack early crates and doors and you'll have enough levels in standard to be able to use a shotgun once you get one. Standard weapons will have the most ammo available throughout the game along with some anti-armour and anti-flesh variants, so sticking with them is good especially to get to level 6 in standard so you can use the Assault Rifle. Weapon degradation will be a problem so you'll want to keep that in mind, the repair skill is kinda useless since theres some auto-repair items you can use and also you don't want to have to do the hacking minigame everytime your gun jams. Maintenance is a skill thats worth the cyber modules since every rank increases the amount that maintenance tools recover on your weapons as well as increases the charge on powered items. Modify might be worth just to get one or two ranks and improve your guns by one rank but theres atleast 7 french-pervert devices that'll allow you to improve your weapons without much cost.

You'll want to get your hacking skill up over time so you can hack more difficult targets such as the security stations to disable security, vending machines to reduce nanite prices, as well be able to hack turrets to be friendly to you and occasionally take out enemies. Cyber affinity isnt always worth it since you can always savescum unless your comfortable with what you have and you have spare modules althoughth i'd put those towards strength for more inventory space or endurance for more health. Psionics is more for people who understand the game better since it is a module-sink and not every power is worth it. Standard will get you far though it doesnt hurt to put some points towards a second weapon skill. If you go with energy weapons you'll be able to recharge them at any charging station making ammo easy to come by and they are effective againts mechanical enemies. Heavy on the other hand lets you use the grenade launcher which works kinda like resident evils grenade launcher......or unreal 2's... in thats theres different ammo types with varying effects, so its a good pick for its versatility. The other two heavy weapons however are either kinda useless or comes too late at the game to make much use out of. Exotic is a bit gimmicky with a lot of the unique items and weapons needing an investment in reasearch just to be able to use, reasearch itself half bad since you can research monster organs to do more damage against them.

Lastly, you'll find 4 OS upgrade stations that will each let you pick one upgrade. You'll want sharpshooter for 15% bullet damage, cyber enchanced for the additional implant slot, replicator expert to for a flat 25% discount from vendors and the last one can be up to you, though pharmo-friendly for more effective hypos is good. Big thing to understand when going through, SAVE YOUR ANTI-PERSONAL BULLETS! Only use them on the big rumblr enemies and in the penultamate area. In the latter end of the game you'll go through two areas that have only one type of enemy in it and the penultamate one is far more combat heavy, the anti-personal bullets will get you through. Ok hopefully that'll get you through your first playthrough and gives you enough confidence to experiment with a 2nd playthrough, maybe play with some of those psionic abilities.

So the big thing about System Shock 2's "story" is the twist. The big twist that was apparently so good, they had to do it again for bioshock and they'll probably do it again for Kens next game Judas. The big twist that is so great.... they already spoilt it before you get to it. I mean system shock 2? The previous games antagionist is on the cover, thats a pretty big hint as thats shes in there and if not that, the AI controlling the Von Braun in this game basically asks if you're aligned with the one who "once tried to destroy your species and now you do her bidding?". Thats a pretty big spoiler before you even make it to the ops floor later in the game.

And you know what? They did it again in Bioshock! The vita-chambers? Early audio log tells you "yeah so Mr Ryan wanted us to lock these vita-chambers to only his DNA but really any blood relative can use them" and what do you know, you can get revived by the chambers when you die. Not too mention the room before the big reveal that has "WOULD YOU KINDLY?" written in large bloody letters on the wall in front of you. Likes it screaming "BIG TWIST, BIG TWIST. THERES A SUPRISE ABOUT TO HAPPEN". Its like they want to do a big twist reveal, something to surprise and wow the player but.. they just cant keep it in their damn pants. They end up stumbling and accidently revealing it before asking you to just "pretend" to act surprised when it happens for real. Judas will probably end up having a big twist again, and its a fair game that something is gonna spoil that twist before it happens. Ah well, we shall see.

Also the penultamate level ins System Shock 2 is an anus. One of the devs had a colonoscopy done during a development and he asked to keep the footage. They used his ass as a reference. Yep

Anyways see you again tomorrow. Feedback is appreciated, anons are currently on

[probably-haven]

Kaeya Alberich & Why his Failure is Inevitable

A theory on Kaeya’s reaction to- that event in his backstory.

take everything with a grain of salt , because it’s heavily based on assumptions, most of which are centered around his reaction to- backstory stuff, so gonna put that under the cut-. i actually originally said this in a reblog to someone asking the exact question awhile ago

im kinda in a content drought though so i might as well bring it back, hopefully some people find it interesting in this context though. Lol a lot of it is just seeing how angsty i can make it too so- ehe

actual content under the cut: (spoilers for kaeya’s backstory, diluc’s backstory, Khaenri’ah lore, and a bit of Childe’s backstory)

so the exact verbiage used in kaeya’s story for his reaction to Master Crepus’s death is: “Even someone like Master Crepus would submit to such a dangerous and evil power…” Sinister thoughts flashed through Kaeya’s mind, and he simply smirked— “This world is truly… fascinating.”

-

Now I’m actually pretty sure this quote ties in, not to the destruction of khaenri’ah, but to the cataclysm before it. Specifically, it deals with the Khaenri’ahn alchemist Gold who started it.

Canonically, Gold was an incredibly ambitious alchemist specializing in khemia 500 years ago. Their most well know achievement is corruption of the dragon Durin, but concealed much deeper in Teyvat’s history, a number of Gold’s legacies include incorporating the powers of the abyss into their alchemy(and eventually being corrupted by those very same powers, tho it might be a translation error), followed by the destruction of Khaenri’ah’s Eclipse Dynasty(including the royal family and the royal guards tasked with protecting the people of Khaenri’ah), and this was followed shortly by ‘using their talents to create an army of “shadowy monsters."’

these monsters, blood filled with the corruption of the abyss, would only continue pouring out of Khaenri’ah in waves until the fateful day that it was destroyed. The era of suffering these monsters caused would come to be known as the cataclysm.

-

taking those facts into account, it could be a remark about how even someone as kind hearted as Master Crepus could fall to the temptation and corrupting aspects of power that caused his people’s fall so long ago, even without the naturally corruptive effects of power from the abyss. that’s sad- but if you get into the theory of it its even sadder the further you go.

Now theory wise its important to make a few connections- I am under the impression that the “fall of the Eclipse Dynasty” that Gold caused through abyssal power was actually the first instance of Khaenri’ah’s curse, and the monsters of the cataclysm- were among the curse’s first victims.

a bit sadder with the fact that his statement can now refer to his feelings of there truly being nothing that could have been done to prevent the very same exact curse that has caused him so much suffering through his life. There was no resisting the corruption of power, only delaying it. It hammers in the fact that the reason he was sent to Mondstadt truly might be the destiny he had many times been told it was. A cruel joke from Celestia perhaps?

but not sad enough. let’s pull out the big one. The Khaenri’ahn Royalty Kaeya theory. (there’s a lot- im not gonna cover the explanation behind that one here)

Gold, the most powerful alchemist in Khaenri’ah would likely have worked under the Eclipse Dynasty, so assuming the theory of Kaeya(and Dainsleif) being the last member of the Eclipse Dynasty, its reasonable to say he would have known Gold. Now whether Gold was a good person or not is irrelivant because it remains the same either way. Kaeya has twice seen the corrupting abilities that come with power strip him of all those close to him, shouldering him with an additional responsibility to carry out in their memory that he never wanted. Yes this hurts more if he was close with Gold and Crepus managed to make him feel safe enough to get close to people even after that- but I’m here to provide the facts and theories, not the emotions, though theres a lot

but…. its a stretch(like a big stretch)… but for the sake of going all out on a limb, we can take this one step further.

In Childe’s story it references the abyss by saying “this dark realm had sensed the burning ambition in this boy’s heart” and it can be assumed that the powers granted by the abyss, as the natural opposition to Celestia(natural as in abyss magic literally opposes the magic of Celestia by nature) might just opporate in a similar way to the gnosises. Kaeya has no knowledge of gnosises though so for now lets use the word visions.

The powers of the abyss that were given to Gold would likely have been favored over visions from the gods in a godless nation like khaenri’ah afterall. and if he knew Gold, a known genius, he likely wouldnt have noticed anything off until it was too late. A sudden fall from his perspective. Visions, delusions, power from the abyss, what difference truly is there to a child raised to shun the gods. All are granted through ambition, and all will only end in suffering

afterthought:

However the main thing behind the Khaenri’ahn Royalty aspect of this angst fest- Kaeya would have been extremely young during Gold’s corruption and Khaenri’ah’s fall… like i cant help think of that one tik tok audio “that must be so confusing for a little girl” but it really does fit because now i can’t shake the imagery of Kaeya, faced with the imagery of the man who raised him dead as a result of a power he chose to use. And he finally understands what he was too young to understand back then. the world is not fascinating in a way that he is interested in it or wants to know more about it, but more interesting in the way that people’s eyes are involuntarily drawn to images of tragedy. It’s an expression of cruel irony, of truths he was forced to face, of knowledge he doesn’t want to know, but that he needs to know- if he plans on carrying through with his destiny- siding against Mondstadt. but siding with Mondstadt would cause him to turn against Khaenri’ah as Gold had all those years ago, and is that not fulfilling a cycle of fate all the same?

It’s an expression of mourning. He is chained by the legacy of Khaenri’ah and there’s nothing he can do to escape it. Either way the cycle will repeat. This fate gives him a unique power and even he will eventually succumb to it, doomed to be viewed as a corrupted betrayer no matter who he sides with, to doom yet another civilization in return. Such is his preordained role as the last hope of Khaenri’ah. The unescapableness, the way it all becomes so sure and clear and nauseatingly relevant in that very moment are what drive him to say that as he finally realizes that he cannot win.

-

of course a lot of this is a stretch and just theories, but the angst potential was there so i decided to run with it lmao

additional afterthought: this isn’t something kaeya would know, but the corruption of Durin by Gold was actually predicted by a priestess in dragonspine before Celestia destroyed it and made it like it is now.

just angsty because it reinforces the idea of a repeating cycle of foretold destiny that no matter hard hard Kaeya tries, he will never be able to escape. Really puts Mona’s “He believes he has made a clean break with his past, but one day fate will catch up with him” line into perspective.

[not-using-this1]

Accepting

Would you look at that finally a Yelena Belova oneshot?! Yes, I decided it was time to upload her on here again so she’s back :) 

This oneshot is actually from my wattpad (AssassinEssa) where I upload mostly all the time so if you want go check it out!

Hope you all enjoy this one ;)

Y/n tells Yelena that she likes women because she feels safer with her than her own family who she knows for a fact won't accept her. Yelena reveals her secret.

Warnings: mention of abuse, mention of torture, swearing (I think theres like only one in there)

Word Count: around 1600 words 

She couldn't hide this anymore, but she had to. Her family wouldn't accept her at all so there was really no point in telling anyone. She knew for a fact her father would practically disown her (not that he already hadn't) and her mother would just scream at her for hours and then try to set her up with multiple men. Of course she could withstand those things due to her past and the abuse she had recieved the whole of her childhood...but this could likely get her killed (her fathers ex-millitary and her mother and her don't even get along).

Thank fuck she was able to get away from her family due to a program...but that only put her through more torture until she became the woman she is today...although she is still fearful of her parents.

The only person she could trust and even feel safe around was Yelena Belova, although she is rather intimidating, the two women grew quite close during the whole program and after leaving it behind started to stay with one another.

Despite what other people thought of the blonde russian, Y/n knew her more than anyone else, including the black widow Natasha Romanoff. That's when she decided that enough was enough and practically ran over to Yelena' apartment in the rain without even calling or texting her first.

Yelena is her only home.

Y/N' POV

Standing outside of my favourite person' apartment, I hesistated for a moment. I don't understand why...I felt safe with her. Maybe it was the fact that I was scared even she might not accept me and then leave me all alone and I didn't want that.

No, she wouldn't do that to me and I know it, she may be well guarded and barely show any emotion but she's not evil, she understands me better than anyone just like I do her. Finally knocking on her door, I heard a loud crash and "der'mo" (shit). Before I could even open the door, Yelena had already opened it, a bandage wrapped around her hand. Of course I was worried but before I could even say a word..."Got back from a mission last night, cut my hand during it but it's fine."

Before I could even open my mouth to say a word, Yelena interrupted me as she let me in her apartment "Now, what's wrong Y/n?" I looked down at her hand with the bandage on it, still wanting to know if she is really okay and what happened...drive this conversation away from me and what I'm here for but I somehow don't think that will work. I sat down on her sofa, she followed after me sitting next to me, frowning at me...worried.

"You gave me a scare when you called me last night while I was still on this mission, I would've come to you but I had to finish it." She added. I wanted to say it but I was still so terrified that this could all possibly go wrong and I would lose the one person who has been through so much with me...we helped each other through so much pain, on missions emotionally and physically.

I tried to make sure I wasn't going to cry because well I rarely even cry much anymore, I honestly don't have much tears to cry because half my childhood I cried, because of how horrible it was...hence why I'm the way am I now with my ability to fight, spy skills and some very deadly moves.

I froze in place, didn't know what to say or do.

Yelena noticed immedietely that something was wrong, she grabbed my hand with her not-injured hand, I tensed up for a few seconds until I looked up at her, she gave me a small smile and that damn smile just made me calm down and ease up.

"Its okay Y/n, you're alright here." Yelena was clearly encouraging me but also reassuring me at the same time which is exactly what I needed right now. "I can tell you everything 'Lena but this...this might change things for us." I spoke truthfully. The thing is not only am I attracted to women but I'm in love with the blonde sat next to me. The woman who has stuck beside me since we were teenagers and when I was taken to the GRU (black widow program).

Yelena had never been easy to get along with at the start, she was willingly in the program and just wanted to be somebody...I understood that and then from their I guess our rocky friendship grew. But I knew back then that we loved each other...like we still do now and I want today to be the day to tell her.

Because her existence means the world to me.

"Look Y/n, I don't think what you're going to tell me would change anything. I won't hate you. I know these earlier memories of us are horrific but I remember you never giving up on being my friend during the program, you drove me absolutely crazy to the point we even fought phyiscally but at the end of the day we'd always patch each other up. What I'm saying is no matter what I could never hate or leave you not after what we've been through together." There was this soft tone in her voice, it was so calming and so soothing, she really did know how to make me feel safe, wanted and needed.

"Yeah I remember, I've mostly blocked out the bad memories to be honest but sometimes they come back up and I think that you'd react the same." Yelena nodded her head, she understood where I was coming from and that was clear. She knew that all she needed to do was be here and listen and that's exactly what shes doing.

"Do you remember when you and I got a little curious back in the dorms and we kissed?" I asked her, she looked at me and nodded knowing full well what I meant. "Yeah, I remember. It got you sent for a punishment." Yelena added, she frowned at me not looking very happy I bought up that one particular memory.

"Well that was because all my life I've known that I have liked women more than men since I was younger. In fact I've never even liked men. I have tried so hard to but I feel like I'm broken like there's something wrong with me." I finally got that part out of my system but the next part was going to be the hardest...if she accepts me.

Yelena gave me a smile and squeezed my hand ever so slightly, her thumb gently rubbing my hand in the process "You're not broken Y/n and there's nothing to be fixed. You are unique the way you are and besides no one is stopping you this is the 21st centuary my darling." Yelena spoke giving me a smile at the end, her voice soft as she let out a slight chuckle.

"I know but no one in my family would accept me and-

"They're assholes if they can't see that you're still you just because you are attracted to women, it doesn't make a difference and don't you ever put yourself down like that ever again. And besides you always have a place in my world and by my side." I cringed at that a little and laughed at how cheesy that was for the blonde because she's never like this that much.

"That's cheesy even for you Belova" I laughed, she looked at me and rolled her eyes removing her hand from mine "And I thought we were having a moment".

"Wait we were I just-" I panicked just a bit and grabbed her hand but in the process she dragged me down on top of her as she fell back on the sofa we were originally sat on. She playfully wrapped her legs around my waist and I couldn't help but whimper at the slight contact of me pushed against her. "Y/n?" Yelena asked sounding all serious for a moment.

"Do you maybe want a redo?" She asked me. I looked at her confused for a good few seconds not exactly getting the message "what do you mean by redo?"

The smirk on her face, however, told me everything. It was because of the fact I bought up that one memory. But I wasn't expecting her to say that to me. I didn't know how to exactly respond to her but even before I could even say another word she managed to flip us over on the sofa effortlessly and now she was on top of me, my legs wrapped around her waist this time.

"I really like you Y/n. Now kiss me before I change my mind." She states.

With that being said I wasted no time in pulling her down for a kiss, arms wrapped around her neck as she makes the kiss deeper, slipping her tongue in.

"How" she whispers as she pulls away but then kisses me again "would you" she adds bringing back in for another quick kiss "like to move in with me?" I was about to say 'yes' but I couldn't even say anything as she pulled me back in for another kiss.

"Yes of course."

"I'm so happy you told me that you liked women and I'm so proud of you. Because as do I." Yelena adds as she finally lets me sit up. "I'm happy to. Now can we sit and watch movies?" I asked her.

"Yes, but we won't be watching much." Yelena winked at me, I rolled my eyes at her but agreed.

I'm just so happy that I decided to finally tell her, it was worth it. She really does mean so much.

[loveijun]

Can we hear your thoughts on KnT Soulmate? English chapter 7 just got released yesterday.

omg hii 🧞‍♀️ ill probably talk a lot more about it later when i read the new chapter but these are some of my thoughts 💗 1 im so glad kurumi gets her own story because after the whole situation with her and sawako in high school, they had such a weird but delicate balance of friendship and i became curious abt what would happen with kurumi later on but the story moves past it and we have to forget about her sadly... 2 i just think the soulmate chapters are amazing and beautiful and I HAVE TO MENTION that it basically confirmed for me that ms karuho shiina did in fact do the questioning of sexuality type of undertone throughout the manga on purpose.. it didnt start off with the typical kurumi and eiji falling in love but with kurumi and sawako being together + kurumi in this umm head space where she's thinking of sawako from so many different perspectives (romantically 💖‼️, as a rival and a peer to learn from, a monumental figure in her life since sawako basically helped her grow as a person and guided her unknowingly to a much healthier mindset, and a close friend she actually felt comfortable with for the first time since elementary school) and coming to the conclusion they are soulmates regardless of anything else. it's also obviously kurumi's personal redemption story but not as some evil villain becoming good... she was never really evil but just a very misguided teenager who at the time made decisions with consequences. this is her chance to... almost like what happened to ayane when she finally let herself go (not a 1-time complete healing but the beginning of it: she took a step out her shell and stopped devaluing herself for deserving love) and redeemed herself in her own mind - is what im waiting for in this series for kurumi. she's confident and loves herself somewhat but is constantly quesitoning her motives, thinking she didnt deserve to be forgiven, and is full of doubt so she clashes constantly in her mind and ends up numbing her sense of urgency, gentleness, and care when dealing with herself. i really want her to cherish herself as fast as possible but she cant just overcome it on her own (omg that theme keeps coming back - you can't grow [to love yourself] in solitude) and it's lacking for her to just suddenly become better when a guy shows up and at the same time rush a discovery process like that so i really love the bit with sawako in the beginning. alsoo i cannot forget im so happy and proud that sawako matured from her intial earnest but unsettling awkwardness to a hmm not mellowed but a more transparent ease with communication and presenting herself while still retaining her honest character. i love love loveee the fact that shes also a lot more secure with kazehaya and when i saw them joking around with each other i had to pause for a moment bc in the beginning shes such a precious and selfless person and that's great and all but she didn't believe in herself at all.. like when the high school class pulled the dating prank on her the way she handled it is hard to watch and very telling of how she sees herself.. she underestimates gestures of love towards her as mere kindness and at the same time overestimates the effort she needs to put in to repay it while also setting a thick boundary and voluntarily putting herself on a level lower than others. but the way that she's now able to understand favors that ought to be repaid, the difference between that and a gift - defined a thing given willingly to someone without payment, helping others without hurting yourslef, being a healthy amount of selfish and etc ❤️ i cant get enough. she even set up a blind date for kurumi can you imagine how far we've come??? now for when eiji appears i was just observing in the beginnig but i love his personality so much it feels like he was gonna be a classic romance mc just rude and insufferable or a stuffy/overbearing kind of nice but his moments of vulnerability and unpredicatability are GENIUS bc kurumi has never met someone like this before (she gets so flustered and is so cute when shes around him sometimes

i feel like crying aww). oimg and i cant forget how interesting this is just becasue its a college setting and not highschool so its more (i hate reusing words 💢 but mature is the word and theres more oppurtunity for things and various situations i think. 'real' dates and staying over at each other's place... and i want to see them in those^ types of situations so badly but i dont think we'll see much 💔). also their dynamic is everything i love how unique their character is and shes (the author) definitely put a lot of effort into every single one of her characters but i did not expect her to give eiji that much depth (i know hes from one of her other works and i need to read it soon and i want to know what happened before he met her so bad 😭.....) ^like at all. i dont have much more to say but i hope kazehaya shows up and meets them all again bc im want their reactions, and i think kurumi is so adorable and eiji is the hottest guy of the series excluding sanada. the end 💗

[tetsustation]

APPRECIATION POST !!

in another words, lina loves her friends a little too much & doesn’t necessarily know the right means of expressing it </3

cass [ @misutv ] — uh im in a sappy mood so if you’re not rockin with the sap please scroll! epic, okay. hi... lol hey. thanks for pushing me to do this. now i know you know that i love you, with my chest! from when we first started talking to all these months later, that feeling hasn’t changed (even though you took two months ALLEGEDLY to warm up). i think our friendship is unique in the sense that i really never expect anything from you, when we’re on the phone or texting it feels natural and when i think of you my first thought is that i want whats best for you. isn’t that crazy? i don’t think i say it enough, but i care a lot about you—about all of you, whatever your feeling at any given moment or whatever project you chose to pursue at the time just know i’m there to back it and never expect anything from you, besides just that—you. i hope this is making some sense, knowing me this might be a bit of a mess, a ramble even. still, i think your exceptional—inside out, i’m really glad to be your best friend even if its just through some silly little app. i appreciate everything you do for me, even if i’m shit at saying so, because its baffling that you feel so inclined to dedicate some time in your day to me—i could melt i think. fair warning, i’m gonna crush your lungs at the airport. all my love loser >:)

hesther [ @hesthermay ] — how many months has it been now? hesther, you are such a solid constant in my life and i literally cannot thank you enough. from our strangely comparative music taste to the oldest sister bonding, i really feel like your the one person i can really resonate with that i haven’t met in person (yet). even if it’s weird to say, i love reading your marvel drabbles and personal pieces because it’s oddly intimate in personal in a way that implies a lot of trust. i know i can rely on you if i need anything, and vice versa. every week i pull you into my world, and the next week you pull me into yours—it’s an entertaining constant that remains me i’m not alone in my silly little struggles. i’m really glad i met you, and i’m so grateful i get to call you my friends (and i get butterflies when you call me butterfly). not to be gross but please don’t stop being you, it makes me smile, thanks hes <3 love you. 

selene [ @hajigumi ] — hey whore (lovingly). we’re coming onto two months now and it doesn’t really feel like it but i guess i’ll take it. honestly, it feels like we’ve known each other for a really long time—maybe its the same timezone thing but you just feel so familiar. i get a little skippy when you tell me that i’m stuck with you because i really love being your friend, its such a comforting experience and i’ve grown such a fondness for you i don’t think will fade. you suck, frankly, for being so welcoming. i love hearing about your day, boring or not—and i’m grateful your always willing to be about mine. despite what anyone says, your a great cat mom and an even better friend... giggles... love you mwah.  

ly [ @kyotarou ] — i almost typed out the govt name help... babe i love you so much. it’s impressive how you put your heart into everything you do, and it’s really shocking to me when you yourself don’t realize just how much of yourself you put into the things you do. just today when you were making those little polaroids, the dedication that you had to finish them and package them all pretty was truly heartwarming. that, among many other things—including your work which is always quality despite the seemingly mass production of it. i know your younger than me, but i aspire to be like you in that respect. your wit never ceases to amaze me and i think you were one of the first people i felt comfortable thirsting with because our taste is so similar (daishou fucker solidarity i think). i have such a strong appreciation for you as a friend and i hope it stays like that for a long time. 

angela [ @oikirstein ] — i think i’m gonna take a step in the right direction and try to be civil (kidding) but bestie when you’re sending audio messages of you scream sobbing about manhwa i can’t help but giggle. something that drew me into you was your humor, because honestly, i couldn’t help but feel really comfortable with you? even one on one, its just easy to talk with you because theres always so much on your mind—so much so that it’d be impossible to be bored. NO YOU KNOW WHAT SIDETRACKING BECAUSE YOU JUST CALLED ME THE EVIL TWIN UM. angela please never change, i don’t think i could bare it. i tolerate (love) you... ig....stay swag. 

violetta [ @hikariakaashi ] — once again i am tempted to pull out the govt name HELP. that’s just how comfortable we are with each other, i think. you were one of the first people to interact with me on hq tumblr, so far back that you probably remember my red/black alyssa layout lol—but thats really shocking to me because our friendship has grown so much sense then. it makes me giggle to think that i can just text you about stupid stuff and you’d tolerate it. you’re another person i feel as though i know in real life, its just so easy talking to each other, and my only hope is that we get even closer. mwah mwah!

rissie [ @levbug ] —rissie rissie rissie! i don’t care how much we slander and tease you, i love you to bits. please because you’re so funny and easy to talk to i feel like we’re besties. i could listen to you ramble for like an hour i just wanna hug you bae, thank you for being the only armin lover in the room—it makes me feel very seen. we gotta stick together >:)

rheya [ @diorpieck ] — hey rheya twirls hair...i really have a lot to thank you for because without hq radio i wouldn’t have met over half the people on this list and it baffles me how close we’ve become since. you are such a natural leader and i feel so honored i get to talk to you (the fact that you handle me is just as surprising). thanks for looking out for me and everyone else, because i don’t think we’d be where we are without you. thank you :>

jade [ @iwaizoom ] — jade i honestly do not know how to say this but apparently i’ve followed you since like last july (this is news to me too) and i’ll spare you the speech—but in short there was some fan behavior. i truly love talking to you, its so smooth and your energy is beyond welcoming. laughing at stupid shit with you makes me giggle like crazy and i’m so glad i get to call you a friend. stay in school mwah!

issy [ @cafemiya ] — hey pissie <3 i don’t know what it is but your presence is so comforting i love just talking to you, being around you, interacting—it feels like spring if that makes sense. you’ve written a lot of my comfort fics on this hellsite and for that i am permanently indebted to you. please consider this the start of my reparations and just know your existence in and of itself makes me all bubbly (lovingly) KISS! 

nayru [ @luvoratomi ] — i feel like we’ve known each other forever even though it’s only been a few months. still, you’re so consistent which is something i really admire about you, your messages to ask me about my day or hanging out in the discord is so grounding because i know i can count on you—which sounds silly but just know despite the teasing i love you a lot <3

cal [ @lovekags ] — don’t tell anyone but you’re my favorite epic gamer cal, i know we just started getting close but you’re so incredibly cool and talking to you feels so natural! your raw skill in so many different areas is baffling to me and makes me all blushy lol, thanks for rockin with me and i can’t wait to see how that powerpoint turns out >:)!!  

[inknose]

mdzs read diary part IV, the end

It’s inspiring how much self care wwx is gonna finally get now that his husband will go along with whatever he does, so he’s gotta look out for lwj’s well being if not his own. that is emphatically the STUFF

dragging my hands down I face as I read this, after all these chapters of getting up close and personal with ghouls bleeding from every orifice, slaying ancient beasts, rebelling against the entire cultivation world, the two of them are absolutely paralyzed by middle school crush sleepover math

chicken

he actually drew kissy doodles .... he....

IDK I THINK I JUST DOCUMENTED THIS PART CUZ I WAS STILL SCREAMING you cant expect me to have very useful things to say at this point

this is torture you are both so mushy you are so GONE

This part really stood out to me, it’s an attitude I feel like wwx implies with his inner narration a few times but most clearly says here: he’s not one for allowing himself to exaggerate how bad his circumstances are/could be even a little bit - he’s already lived through some extreme low points and found a way to keep going, so he never makes sweeping statements about what he couldn’t live without (Inner JingYi: you’re supposed to say you’d be lost without him here!!!) Instead he seems to accept as a given that being alive doesn’t guarantee him any pleasantness or joy at all, and as a result his feelings toward being in TRUE LOVE are surprisingly pragmatic, but also colored with such gratitude. There are a lot of things in the novel that struck me, like this, as being just a little to the left of familiar tropes/sentiments, and were more touching for it. Whether it be the influence of culture difference as opposed to what I’m used to reading in most western romance stories, or MXTX’s unique outlook, or a combination of both, it was really refreshing and made me pause over it. Not “I can’t imagine living without you” but “I could be living without you, but instead I get to be with you and I think that’s the best thing that could happen.”

ADJFDKFJ THE UST BEING SO STRONG THAT EVEN THE VILLAIN COMMENTS ON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF EXECUTING HIS EVIL PLANS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WILL NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. hes like god damn! here I thought I had problems

it was at this moment that I realized we were doing this Now... I’m still recovering. What a scene. I am so glad I saw the most incredible fanart soon afterwards, bc the fact that someone has already drawn a perfect comic of this part means I don’t have to

I love you so much, you are so annoying, you are perfect... I like how he’s been experiencing openly requited love for all of ten minutes but he’s already figured out how to weaponize it to piss people off

doing!!! his!!! job!!!!!

ahh... it’s a really good story. JGY is a great character. One of the most interesting differences for me between drama watching vs. novel reading experience is that without an actor to bat his vulnerable doe eyes at you and smile faintly with his cute dimples, the book does not go much out of its way to try to lull the reader into a false sense of security around him or *endear* him to you the way the show does. But just by seeing events through wei wuxian’s POV, its still enough to evoke pity or understanding towards him. The overall impression is a bit more detached though, there’s less emphasis on the spectacle of how he could manipulate everyone closest to him and more of a general feeling of resigned tragedy that everyones the worst on this bitch of an earth.

I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND!!!!

I clearly paused to take note of less and less parts at the end & the extras due to: a) too excited to reach the end b) too spicy to photograph and c) too sleepy cuz I kept reading in the middle of the night. but I absolutely took the time for Bro We Are Teens appreciation corner:

I’d absolutely read 40 more extra chapters of their monster-of-the-week field trip antics.

god... poor Jin Ling now basically has to deal with divorced parents that talk shit about each other to him whenever he is saying with one of them. except they are both his uncles. just a disasterhood of all uncles from start to finish. AUUUGH wei wuxian and jiang cheng have fucked me up completely, I dream of them reconciling but I also REFUSE to believe it would ever be easy. let me know if theres a fanfic that absolutely tortures you for decades before they hug

HAHAHA oh no this man ain’t making it to immortality thats for damn sure. HE’S JUST GONNA TRY AS HARD AS HE CAN HIS WHOLE LIFE NOT TO LOOK AT HIM BUT THEYRE *MARRIED* SDLKFJSF ohhhh it’s too funny, like... the mundane domestic family drama IN the fantastical swords and sorcery setting is what really ratchets up these things from amusing to fucking hilarious I think

aaaa the end... final random thoughts? No not final, I would like to please keep discussing at length and exhaustively, all the time please - CQL has gotta be one of the best TV adaptations I’ve seen. ANY adaptation of anything would be lucky to be so good!! reading the novel has just made me appreciate it even more.

- I don’t think I can do justice to what I find most fascinating about comparing the two versions briefly, to do that I need to get drunk and ramble at my friends for hours but... the condensed version is something like this. Really all the significant differences between the two versions (besides the ones which can be attributed to censorship and therefore aren’t worth discussing) are a side effect of the structure of how the story is told - there’s barely anything changed arbitrarily. Aside from having a cold opening, the drama sticks to a very linear version of the story, and I think for a TV show or film, that’s probably the best way to do it. We see everything, we get shocked and tricked and betrayed and surprised along with the characters, we feel the biggest impact at the climactic scenes having experienced all the build-up. The novel on the other hand is not only much more non-linear in WHEN we learn bits and pieces of information, but that information is also obfuscated under wei wuxian’s multiple layers of Unreliable Narratoritis, which are as follows: 1) difficulty remembering things because of personality/avoiding painful memories/actual memory loss, 2) No Homo Goggles still on, and 3) a wry sense of humor that makes the reader unsure of how much they can trust his attitude toward things, especially near the beginning. The experience of reading is a puzzle the reader has to mentally piece together through all of the above listed camouflage, and the puzzle itself is a three-sided mystery: One - How Bad of a guy was Wei WuXian really, and how exactly did all the bad stuff in his life go down; Two - wangxian epic pride & prejudice gambits; Three - political murder mystery. (I love stories like this btw... though I fully admit I’m glad I watched first this time bc it might have taken me a long time to tackle otherwise.) Because of this, where the drama wants to pull you in and submerge you in all the most potent emotional parts, the novel in direct contrast deliberately side-steps around these things and asks that you hurt yourself by filling in the blanks. In fact the more intense emotions and painful memories involved, whether it be his relationship with jiang yanli, his DEATH, the darkest days of war times etc, the more the novel evasively withholds details. I actually really like both styles of storytelling but each one is obviously way better suited to its medium. ANYWAY.... THATS BASICALLY WHERE MY BRAINS AT WHILE IM READING GAY SWORD WIZARD BOOKS

- The extras are so saturated with domestic married bliss that it’s a good thing I stopped taking pictures because I’d just take a picture of every page. this is too much for me to take... I did jump the gun a few times and read a few fanfics while I was still mid-read of the book (I tried to hold out but alas I am mortal) and at one point after finishing I was like “wow what fic was it in where lwj says something cute and wwx kisses him in public but they’re in the corner of the restaurant so no one really sees... OH NO WAIT that was actually in there.” and ... and that’s the LEAST OF IT... *stares into the distance* theyre married wow

- I ofc couldn’t help but see a few vague blogs beforehand so honestly I was braced for something like, wildly ooc for the sake of porn to happen in the extras... I definitely appreciate how the incense burner porn interludes could be uhhh a lot for many people and not my personal cup of tea in terms of smut however [here follows the words of a poisonous frog who has dwelt her whole life in the rainforests of BL] the concept is also surprisingly SWEET SDFLKJF like wwx sees lan wangji’s darkest mixed-up violent teenage fantasies and he’s just like aww babe you had a crush on me!! just... good for them

- I swear I’m not gonna rehash every cute married thing they do but wei wuxian grading papers in the tub........................rEALLY GOT ME

- I want to Draw - ok thats enough if I keep going I’ll just write “wei wuxian grading papers in the tub” seven more times probably

[vapidsims]

Hello my friends! I know maybe a total of...5?

yea five sounds about right. A total of five people might actually read through this XD

I came up with a demon type!

I use “came up” loosely cause nothing is truly original anymore on the internet im sure there are simmilar concepts floating about.

Anyway this will be more of a lore post as opposed to a CC post, but The masks will be in my unreleased cc folder if you feel so inclined to make one of these guys! I would love that

Their name: The masked

Their story? While it spans quite a few centuries by now, it is not a very long one. The masked were originally created by a demon queen who, while ruling, also dabbled in sorcery. She was struggling with the spreading of her reach (the underworld has a lot of territory but also...a lot of royals assigned to those territories.) turf fights can get messy and she was no fan of mess. Also its not as if she was ~so greatly favored~ that her subjects would throw themselves at deaths heels for her. 

So she came up with an alternative. Why not...just make loyal subjects? Adopting and adapting the humans concept of automata she used her sorcery and alchemic knowledge to...craft a doll. It was empty and obedient, but not what she was going for. But a start nonetheless. 

continued below 

After some trial and error the first mask was made. She started with the face first, but not really a face. with the other dolls she’d made before she could not stand the look in their dead, beady eyes. so decided to forgo the idea of a face entirely.

And this time the thing she made had some spark in it. not only obeidient but grateful that she had created it. whilst also having whims of its own. these were the making of “real subjects”. so she made more.

 After this success some of the other demons in her lower courts noticed the “masked dolls��� walking around, and requested their own from the queen. 

She, knowing they didnt know what they were dealing with. gave them all the ingredients to creating ones of their own. The fallout was hilarious to her but spelled disaster for the masks that resulted. Common demons previously assumed the masked to be dolls. Toys, things to be ordered about. They had no indication beforehand that they had their own minds. 

While the queens Masks were treated well and favored by their “mother” the masks created by her clueless subjects found themselves largely abandoned, if not in a few cases subject to outright cruelty. And some situations got messy, as the masked may be made, but they are not without their own powers. (it just manifest differently with them)

The forgotten masked would hear of the queen through the grapevine and when they gathered and got back to her they were unquestionably loyal. If not purely out of spite for the demons that made them, and were cruel to them. They never recognized her partial fault in the matter. (or they just refused to acknowledge it)

The queen still had not gotten around to conquering new territory yet as she was too..erm...unmotivated, to engage in conflict with other demons. so some of her loyal masks proposed taking a chunk of territory off the human world.

So topside the masks went! and considering their unique composisition they were much harder to get rid of than common demons. Not because their powerful or anything. Theyre just hardy. And humanity had yet to encounter them before this point. They were not just here for typical demonic hijinks such as cursing and haunting. they came to take the land.

The queen got her new territory and humanity forgot alllllll about that tiny corner of the world. They were basically like:  

Now. Less about their backstory and more about, what they are exactly?

The masked are not robots, despite being inspired by automata and the human concept as such.  they.are. DEMONS. underestimating them only works in their favor. 

that being said. they have no inherent devilish nature of their own. Many will adopt the evil or michievious nature of typical demons, some, however. Are rather nuetral. being content with the mundane. 

The mundane Masked seem to get along with human beings just fine,assuming that the human is not scared of them.

Physically, theyre humanoid. But theyre extremely durable. the core of their being is contained in their “face” on the occasion that a mask is defeated their body may disinegrate but the mask is left behind. At this point one of two things can happen, so its better you dont touch the mask at all:

1. you touch the mask. it...intrigues you. you put it on. your face burns. you dont have one anymore. Your vessel will make a nice new body. 

2. The masked are tight-knit. another will come to get it and revive it if they do not claim a new body. if left too long without one a mask can die.

their voices seem to emminate from their entie body. their words hang in the air as you try to figure out where its coming from. they dont seem to know either...some of the older masks seem to think its a mind thing...a theory disturbing to both parties.

Socially. as aforementioned they are tight-knit. Most of them either know each other or know of eachother. if neither of those, the mask in question is either a newborn or extremely kept to themselves. In which case other masks (especially older ones, will make it their buisness to be NOSEY xD

Mundane masked have almost overly-bubbly or outgoing personalities that kindaaaa put off other masked. but hey still family.

family is weird, they can reproduce on their own but not with other masked. (meaning theyre shooting their shots with humans or demons) and the resulting child will more than likely not have a maskface. Or more commonly a mask wanting to start a family will find a partner or two and make a child using the formula. or take the issue to the red queen herself. shes always happy to make another.

Actual blood relation is extremely uncommon, and often- Aunts, uncles,cousins and the like are just “theyre closer to me than most”

Masked have also been known to extend this practice to very confused humans,vampires,aliens ect. who are like:

“since when am I your cousin”???

there a few types of masked:

there are the ones made by the red queens subjects back in the early days, they come in all kinds of colors because the formula was never perfect. these mask tend to acctually show age as they get older.

There are masked created by the red queen. they do not age or become ill, they come in shades of red or rarely (like literally only the master and the king) black. but they’ll get another post entirely.

Then there are the mask who have taken human bodies, however a rare occasion. they can originate from either of the first two types.

Anyway theres the lore.

link to my unreleased cc folder.

let it be known if you use the mask (skin detail) you need to really suck in the sims face to make it fit right. If that alone dosnt do it you may need to mess around with the jaw a bit. (a lot a bit) 

[qtsp00k]

Recognize the reflection. I don't want J8 in my life anymore. I feel like i know that, it's broken, it'll probably rain pain upon me, and it has nothing to offer. I suspect this was Seans assessment of me. Both of them really

You sent (written to T6 at first, but he wants me to be his and wont' wanna hear S6 name even tho I'm just examining my own face in S6 reflection. and I don't want to upset T6) I feel like a shitty person. I just wanna be done with this new guy in my life. He says, "im sorry", "im so depressed", and just has this flavor of victim that makes me want to abuse him. And i do abuse him. I know when i text back hastily without emojis and flowery language that he'll feel rejected & i don't care at all. He only seems to like me when I'm in girly girl mode and i don't spend much time there. I refuse to spend time being a girl, being anything, for another person's comfort. Like with S6, he didn't seem to like when i was dark & strange, but if he called me while i was in that mode then that's what he got. S6 & i got on famously when we both were just like little kids & or when he got to occupy the role of teacher. And that was nice for me because always it's me in the teacher, wise one, mentor, therapist role. This new guy won't even let me BE wise because he's so brainwashed by christianity. I don't know. Im being harsh, i know. It just feels like there's very few people on earth. If you've met one kool aid Christian you've met them all. People are disappointingly basic & i struggle to see anyone as a unique individual. As a real person. Theres just types of people. I feel like I'm the only real one here at all actually. And being in the company of anyone i start to think "oh, i know this type yup nothing to see here" it causes me to feel more lonely. I put everything i am before S6. All versions of me; utmost vulnerability. That's etwas i haven't done with you yet,T6; you and I haven't gotten to know one another as S6 & i did. The 2 of you are the only people ive ever really had a desire to talk on the phone with. S6 & i just have clocked more hours. An i don't know what it is or why, how?! Maybe im just getting second hand high from him being on meth? I don't know! I feel like I'm in the presence of God when im with S6. And i know, i Know, this is exactly how people consistently feel about me and it's why they feel like they're hopelessly in love with me. And S6 physically. His face, his body, i didn't even know it, saw nothing, when we talked. He was just a voice. Zero connection to anything physical. So it's not like i was experiencing any earthly lust or sexual objectification. The attraction was 100% spiritual & mental. He once said that im the only other real person here in the matrix with him. In many more words and so poetically garbled. I know what it's like to see that in another person, to think they're real, and then have your eyes narrowed at just another basic broken bitch & having that feeling/ that person... then not having it. It wrenches anger from me. He said also literally that i am the only one who sees him. To feel seen & then feel not seen... that's the most painful experience. One ive had countless times. And most recently when S8 looks at me, he no longer sees me. No longer sees the good in me. It didn't feel like being on a pedestal. At first i wasn't impressed by S6, but then later i started to geek. Before that tho it felt i was for the first time in my life standing before my equal. Like my twin almost. And one of the things he & i share is our darkness & evil. Not from drugs; just from within. I mean maybe in his cases by being brougth up in such a messed up family and not just born that way. It's very recent that I've been stating in no uncertain terms that i was born with psychopathy. Psychopathy because i could mimic & play act & be everything that was expected of me... for a spell. It was exhausting, so i couldn't keep it up all the time. In 6th grade S6 was acting just as i had acted in 3rd grade; like we're trying to win the class clown trophy. 3rd grade was fun & chaotic. But it ended with my 2 friends in my class wanting me to be their girlfriend. They turned agaisnt one another & they'd been best friends.

They fought over me like i was a trophy. They literally each took an arm & pulled me to them, pulling me in half. My teacher was a pos. She didn't take the opportunity to share that story about this very occurrence. But i got a look at what i had to look forward to by being the funny and popular girl. In this world. You're never left alone, everyone expects more from you, everyone looks to you to see what clever thing you will say or do. They want to own you, but not know you. In 2nd grade id been bullied hard hard hard & in 3rd grade i became a bully myself & in 4th grade i just became a ninja. Silent, staring, strange. I create a language with a boy in my class who also watched Star Trek & got the requisite girlfriend my mother demanded in a shy quiet reading girl who tolerated all my nonsense. In 5th grade i was placed in the problem class. Every trouble student, class clown, bully was put in the same classroom. Naturally i wound up there too. Even if i wasn't acting up in class i drew attention & i kept questioning my teachers. My first diagnosis is ODD and i had a major problem with authority. I witnessed recess from the letters (of timeout) for the majority of 5th grade. I wish I could paste the image here. I never got a diagnosis of psychopathy. The only time I decided to be honest was as a teen, during a mental evaluation. The read out from the doctor who looked over that assessment I filled out goes etwas along the lines of, "clearly the patient has read psychology literature extensively and is intentionally presenting as a textbook case for multiple severe diagnoses. None of what the patient states could be true because no one could truly be experiencing all these symptoms and be getting through life with as little problems and interventions as has had the patient. " There were things I'd say in therapy that they'd demand I tell them what book I was quoting. I'd never read any books about mental illness. The only one I read after this was I Hate You Don't Leave Me, becuz they diagnosed me as having BPD. The unburdening of my soul as I sat with that mental evaluation and decided not to lie to them anymore...I'm not sure how to express it. Things were untenable for me. I thought that I could ask for help and I would get help for what I needed help with. I couldn't stop thinking about killing people. Everyone, all the time. I heard lots of voices and some of them were yay for killing and some of them were nay for killing. I had periods of catatonia where I was unable to move my body and only sat blinking and willing myself to breathe. I couldn't feel things besides anger and a sorrow you only can know if you recall being thrust from heaven as I do. I pretended and I lied and I used TV shows as a human case study, so I could seem to be normal. I identified myself as evil and described how I saw demons, spoke to them, commanded them, and I didn't believe in love at all; not on this plane.

I told them the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth and they thought I was a liar. I don't care that strangers and doctors think I'm a pathological liar. But, when people who befriend me decide that about me, it hurts. When someone sees me and then comes back a little bit later and decides I'm just another basic crazy bitch it bothers me. We're all broken. Sometimes I'm just broken. Sometimes they are just broken. S6 threw me away cuz I'm not all good all the time, not on all the time (and of course I cannot match his wit and energy becuz he's fueld by meth) but we were doing light work, soul work, healing together. Yeah no dont throw J8 away, don't be like S6. Witness the light when it is there, do the work when it's possible, and if he proves to be just a useless alcholic get away from him before you become the hand of Satan and do things that you can't forgive yourself for. Before you do things that put out your light. Aint that a bitch?! They don't have light, so I'll put mine out? That's how darkness operates. Yeah, oh so S6 prolly got me the hell away from him before he could hurt me. I mean, once you're just tolrating them, seeing how brief light fills them, knowing they aren't real after all....it's only a matter of time before you want to abuse them and that threatens ur light. Not sure what light S6 has got goin on other than what he and I had what with his meth, beatings, abusing women, and stealing things. I think he's just given up. His son is better off not knowing him, he thinks, and that was the only carrot leading him into the light. Maybe now that his inner child has been seen (by me) it been able to move on & whatever space or personality he'd eneter to entertain me just simply doesn't exist anymore.

Or it won't surface again til he quite meth. If that could ever happen.

This is SO fucked! I can't help but compare ships to S6. I wanna feel like that again, summore. Until and unless I do I just don't see how I can be in a ship with anyone else. Do I just keep praying for S6 to get clean? None of my ships irl feel as weighty or signoficant. I could almost let them all go just to have S6 back. ANd I'm just talking platnic ship too; crzy as that be. The lust I felt for him was the devil trying to get at me. Sexually transmitted demons yo. Sadly, with S6, has all but gone my connectivity to God, Jesus, Christ, Christianity, bible. Meh. I don't care about it att all.

It's fine when it happens, but I haven't ever got there by trying to get there. I attune to Christ Conscoiusness by gettin right with myself. Part of thta is music. Since S6 I've got music back in my heart. And my keys back on a lnyard, so I never lose them anymore. Killed the lanyrad cuz mine was a donut one and donuts are a S8 thing. He and I, S8, dont' have a ship. He's done with me. And he's been so abusive to me...that's prolly for the best. But without him thrusting me into the role of victim, no longer traumatized am i...I am returning to my evil ways.

Write to

[ultimatememester]

Persona related rant:

What I say: I'm fine What I really mean: I love how people in the Persona series constantly throw shade on the older fans into P1 & P2 about how we always complain that they're underrated (they still are) and how we throw shade on the newer games (plus a bunch of other complaints). *BEFORE YOU SCROLL DOWN ANY FURTHER REMEMBER THAT THERE WILL BE SPOILERS FOR THE GAMES PAST THIS POINT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED* First of all we complain about how its underrated because theres simply no content for it. I'm not just talking about fanart either. They are almost never mentioned in any of the persona games aside from that one social link in P3 and even in that Persona Concert event (based off of what I've seen) they didn't play any songs from the games. Our only hope for actual Atlus content is PersonaQ:2 but even then we won't know for sure until it releases. Secondly, in all honestly the older games had a better story/characters aside from Persona 5. Maybe it's just me but compared to the other games the characters just seemed more realistic and fleshed out than the other games. Don't get me wrong I still enjoy the other games but in in terms of character everyone eventually just seem to fall into certain stereotypes. For example: Persona 3 Akihiko - typical jock whose obsessed with protein and fighting (especially in Persona Q) Mitsuro - girl who was brought up in a rich family and you already now how thats gonna turn out Junpei - that one pervert friend thats in literally every other fucking persona game (although i give you bonus points because eventually he sorta stopped when he fell in love with Chiyuki (or however you spell her name)) Persona 4: Yosuke - once again there's the pervert friend that never learns Marie - she was kick ass until she started doing that tsundere bs with Yu Narukami Chie - in the words of Chie herself, "STEAK" Persona 5: Ryuji - perv friend aside from that one moment of respecting women juice he had during one part of his social link Futaba - literally a child that knows how to hack past government security like thats cool and all but seriously? (I still love her tho) I mean i still like these characters and they do have some unique elements to them and if you like them thats 100% fine and dandy but compare them to these guys: Maya - a genuinely nice character that even though she's gone through a lot still decides to stay optimistic because she believes there's a bright side to everything Tatsuya - seems like a mean individual but is actually just a shy person thats into motorcycles, has gone against an evil god, witnessed his friend die in front of his face, got sent to an alternate doomed dimension and even though it hurts him greatly, had himself erased from their memories so they could be safe without shedding a single tear (metal af dude) Jun - Tatsuya's childhood friend that had his memories distorted by same evil god and was actually the main antagonist for a good portion of the game (which is one hell of a twist) *As a quick note I'm just going to say that I have not yet watched much of Persona 1 so I will not mention any of the characters as it wouldn't be fair now would it?* Now as far as the story goes Persona 2 had much more of a complex and grimmer one then the other games but what made it good was how everything tied in together even with the plot twists. How Jun was the Joker all along and how he was being manipulated by an evil god (lets refer to him as Nyarly for short) or how the Masked Circle was actually invented by the main group itself. Games like Persona 4 or even Persona 5 don't have that level of detail in them. Persona 3 is probably the closest you'll get to that grim and dark tone. ------------------------------------------------ The second (and way shorter) part of this rant is about the whole social link/ confidant system in P3-5. It's not bad but I think they made it more of a gimmick than anything. Like its cool that you get stuff for forming bonds and how it ties into your character and story but its shoved so far in your face that it kinda ruins it for me. Maybe it's just me but i would prefer to have a more subtle approach to it so it feels that as the game progresses you can see your characters getting closer together naturally instead of having that screen pop up that screams "WOAH YOUR BOND LEVEL WITH THIS PERSON WENT UP SWEEEEET!"

[unproduciblesmackdown]

6, 18, 24?

Favorite holiday?halloween, though i havent actually done anything on halloween for like, 6-7 yrs. kinda livin that holidayless lifestyle

Top 3 ice cream flavors?cookie dough, cookies & cream are definitely my top two…third could be coffee flavored maybe

Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets?yeah which is weird b/c thats such a wild concept but i don’t really think about it much b/c i also don’t expect anyone to reach anyone else. i mean if it turns out there’s a govt conspiracy to cover them up i’d be like oh word govt conspiracies don’t surprise me. but it’s like, what with the known scale of the universe & how generally the universe is supposed to be uniform/consistent like, if there’s this over here then you should be able to find it elsewhere too. imo there’s not really reason to be confident that life is unique to this one planet. though its true that there are a lot of wild factors that aligned for the formation of the earths properties and for the development of life…but the whole universe is pretty much a fluke what with like 99.9837225whatever% of the product of the big bang being eliminated via cancelling each other out after just 0.008262whatever seconds. flukes is in our nature. so i would be prepared to believe we could somehow be alone. but more prepared to believe we’re not, but functionally alone b/c how could we reach anyone when we can’t navigate our own galaxy alone? like, even if we could hack spacetime to tunnel through one point in space to another without it taking thousands or millions of years, how would we know which point to go to to let us find life. though then i think of the suns expiration date. if humanitys descendents make it that far how wild would it be to be like…wandering around space. planethopping or whatever. anyways its a bit annoying to suppose that alien life would be Evil and want to kill us for no reason b/c who would we be to judge? between colonialism and rampant capitalism thats what happens here all the time & probably what humans might do if they found another inhabited planet, depending on who sent them and why. speaking of, hearing the other day that just now there’s been made nasa plans to go back to the moon & potentially mars only bummed me out. so thats my feelings about extraterrestrial life. they out there & i hope they have good internet signal and a better version of things. (oh and then theres the parallel dimensions/universes thing which i also wouldnt be surprised to believe was factual, that counts as life outside this earth i guess even if its Parallel Earths)

[reclaiming-womanhood]

1) I’m not sure what you mean by that but the point of “you dont get to sleep with people eho dont want to sleep with you” is still there.

Point 2) i have seen it in real life happen to others and it has happened to me in real life. Theres a lot of it online in fb groups and stuff as well. It is not a random blip on the radar thats vague. You need to beleive women when we say “its a talking point” if it made it into the very very short list of grievences here.

Point 3) how is it equal when (english) language is already to the detriment of women? For example.. Women is a subset of Men. Female is a subset of Male. Mrs is an owner ship of Mr. Our last names are expected to be given up to men so we have never had our own. In certain languages the linguistic sexism is worse like in Japanese the word for “slave” has the kanji for women in it. Same for the word “wicked”. So yes. It’s dehumanizing and not “equalizing” when many languages already see us as evil and lesser. Saying “uterus havers” or “vagina owners” is very dehumanizing to us. It’s been used many times in articles and is gross and is classicly erasing. At worst in society this is how we are seen by men and its not fair to take our things and make them “””neutral””” when you know what we mean when we say “pregnant women” . Just say woman. It’s not hard and it’s not that much to ask.

Point 4) No... they’re not inherently yours and you’re not entitled to certain things. We had to fight for these things. You realize “womens spaces” is like shelters as well or rape crisis centers and health clincs and literally everywhere we want it to be etc. if you can have trans spaces we can have womens spaces. its not that hard. It’s not transphobic to want to be alone with your people. Theres spaces for women that “not all women” are allowed in ie: native women, black women, lesbian women, bi women, disabled women etc. and that’s FINE you’re not entitled to peoples spaces to independently talk and work on their specific issues that are not about you. You don’t always belong just because you want to or think you do.

Yes it is mostly trans women because majority of the bad behavior ive seen irl and online is not trans men wether its dating, sex, certian conversations etc. It’s boundaries which are not respected or male entitlement or male socialization that has not been unlearned yet. It is inappropriate to ask the world’s largest minority group to include you in everything where you do not even inherently fit into these things. It’s really sexist and annoying but lots of women are afraid of saying anything about it because of the backlash for asking for our own things which kind of proves our point.

I’m making this post to tell yall where to do better because if you just push your way in without being respectful of our UNIQUE needs as women it breeds hatred. I do not want a “versus” brawl here I want you to understand WHY we are mad about this. Being a woman is already not fun and is difficult even in places where it is “easiest” so you need to be respectful when entering and know when it’s not your place or sexist to ask for certain things.

Explanation of Most Women’s Grievances With Trans Community and How We Are Treated:

This is a short list of behaviors and honestly, majority of the grievences I’ve seen on here from “terfs” (or just general women) is all of the following and most of it is very fixable by just not engaging and respecting our space. They are as follows:

You are not entitled to have sex with (usually lesbians) and it’s not inherently transphobic if someone (literally anyone) doesn’t want to fuck you. It’s not worth arguing about because sexuality is what it is and you cannot change it.

Please do not derail women’s conversations about specific womens issues and growing up as a girl if you did not grow up as a girl.

Do not police our language in terms of our body because all women are policed enough with what we can/cannot do. It’s exhausting as is existing under a male dominated world.

We want women’s only spaces. I don’t have to explain of justify why. Respect thatz

I feel this is a reasonable list to follow in terms of basic human respect and I’m honestly baffled at times people feel entitled to others things. But the least you can do is just not interact with it.

It may not be your intention, but you’re taking things away from people who are already an immensely oppressed minority group (women/LB women) and its reasonable to be defensive when you’ve had to work really hard to get your own things and still are fighting men for bodily rights/ending systemic sexism and then someone whose not a woman wants to tell you about your body/sexuality/experiences/spaces. It’s just really not okay giving how horribly off women are. Inserting comments that are unnessecary into our discussions or issues comes off as demeaning and belittles our experiences. (Ex: “well what about....”, or “well not all women ....”). Please do not do this and I appreciate those who already leave it alone and don’t.

((Please do not say “well they do it too!!!” because this is about behaviors towards women from (mostly) trans women and explaining why we feel offended/invaded and many women dislike trans people ))

[harryisntstraight]

Hey Bethan, can I ask for some advice? Idk I guess I'm trying to figure out how to navigate polar opposite readings people have of Harry without driving myself crazy, and you seem to do a good job of it so. I've always felt I was pretty good at "reading" (idk if thats the right word but) things about Harry in the sense that I'm rarely surprised when he embraces some things. So things like AM and him painting his nails and pink being his favorite, they came as a shock for many, but to me (tbc)

(the rest is under a read more bc its quite long)

those things didn't come as a surprise at all because I felt like if you were paying attention/listening to him for all these years, you could see these things have always been a part of him. Its not that Harry never surprises me, because he is a wonderful and ever impressive unique boy, but I just mean that I'm not at all shocked by the version of him he has recently shared, and when I see people who ARE shocked by it because they managed to read Harry in these polar opposite ways for so long, then I'm always like "hmm interesting that you thought Harry was someone who would never have a pink album cover/paint all his nails/wear a bdsm collar etc" and I might be irked by it. But its different and so much more than irksome when it comes to such opposing readings of his expressions of pride. Like I don't know how to wrap my head around the fact that my understanding of Harry when he does something like wear a pride pin in private can be so opposite from other people's reading of him as only doing it to "queerbait". I'm not even talking about differences in how people read his words/actions as pertaining to his sexuality, but more just that I don't understand how other people can look at this same person, and read and even love him as this guy who tricks young lgbt people for fun, who mistreats someone like me. Im sorry if this makes no sense agh its just emotionally frustrating that we are all fans, yet the version of him they stan wouldnt love me :(

first of all hi i loved reading this ask u really put everything into words perfectly and i do get exactly what youre saying. i feel the exact same way as you, i’ve always kind of thought i’m good at reading people and everything harrys been doing recently is honestly just what i’ve been wanting from him and sort of imagined that he wanted to put out there too. i think the different interpretations of him and his actions honestly just come down to people projecting the idea of harry that they want onto him and ignoring anything that might not fit the person they want him to be. i think because a lot of it is so subtle its easy for people to push it to the back and pretend that it isnt there. also this sounds really cliche but i think its easy to forget that harry is a Real Person with Layers(tm) and theres part of him that contradict other parts of him, just like p much everyone else on earth. so like, he’s soft and wears 26 inch womens jeans but he likes to work out and pull however many weights. so i guess its easy for people to focus on whichever side of the coin they prefer and ignore the other part. as for the sexuality and queerbaiting i honestly just think it comes down to homophobia at worst and heteronormativity or ignorance at best. some people would genuinely prefer to read harry as a straight guy that ‘queerbaits’ his fans than just see him as someone who isnt straight and thats honestly so sad. i think people who are straight and have never experienced like......life as an lgbt person just genuinely dont understand how important little things like wearing a rainbow pin are and so its easier for them to brush them off as queerbaiting or just ‘showing support’ when in reality its so much more complex than that. it is frustrating to see and there are times when i see certain posts on my dash and i’m just like........bewildered like.....how can anyone think like that?? i think the only idk ‘advice’ i could give you would be to unfollow those people that make you feel frustrated and block posts that upset you and i guess remember that most of these ppl are speaking out of ignorance and some even out of hate. (and obviously like disclaimer i’m talking specifically about people who accuse harry of queerbaiting or tricking lgbt fans, i’m not saying everyone that has a different opinion of harrys personality or tastes or  even sexuality is Evil and Wrong.) ahh idk i hope this helped a little bit or made some sense sjdhfksjdh thank u for sending me this tho