#like the zombie machines in the game were ok i guess

[nierly-amazing]

Nier: Automata 1.1a Cour 2 reactions so far:

Ep1: Not sure I like how they revealed the whole 2E thing right away but the episode was good.

Ep2: FUCK YEAH EXPLOSIONS SHITS HAPPENING OH NO EVERYONE IS FUCKED

Ep3: FUCK YEAH LOOK AT 2B BEING A MAJOR BADASS HELL YEAH SHE'S NOT DEAD (YET)

Ep4: PAIN SO MUCH PAIN AAAAAAAAAA HE WENT BACK FOR HER GOODBYE 2B 😭😭😭

Ep5: Had a feeling it would be A2 again. Reusing past Pearl Harbor Descent clips was eh but the new stuff was good

Ep6: OH my GOD this is FUCKING ADORABLE A2 and tHE KIDS POOR 9S THOUGH man they're really just having him run around being sad

Ep7: What. Wtf why did they just kill 21O right off the bat like that? He didn't even get to fight her??? A2 didn't finish her off either that was important for 9S' downward spiral! Also this boy hates flowers. Oh he's running around being sad more. YEAH more cute A2 and villager moment. What--Pascal immediately threw away his pascifism.

Ep8: Wait. Wait stop. Why tf is he immediately so violent??? Not trying to evacuate or even see if the hostile machines are a threat to them in the first place? 9S running around being sad more. Yep Pascal has a goliath and wants to kill. We know. A2 wtf you're going to lead the machines to camp if you send the kids there!!! NO MORE PUPPET SHOWS?

Ep9: Fucking...ZOMBIES?

[jessicalprice]

i am emily kaldwin, the most considerate sociopath

(reposted from Twitter) 

Okay, so can we take a moment to acknowledge that MAYBE the reason the world of Dishonored 2 is so fucked up is because they spend all day looking at the incredibly fucked up art on their walls?

Like, here in the parlor we have this quaint sepia-toned memento of the time that Grandpa and all his friends got eaten by a giant squid:

And what art do we keep in the bedroom, you ask? Perhaps a nice soothing floral? Nah, it's the time we encountered a naked yeti or some shit in the forest:

And in this cozy sitting room we have art about getting lost in a hell dimension.

And here in this fine palace we have 

I dunno 

the mothman I guess:

(These details are a big reason I love this game.)

If you don't want to read the news while you're in the W.C., you can gaze on this...

this 

I dunno, maybe this is Dishonored 2 firemen? maybe this is their equivalent of a swimsuit calendar? who knows

Pretty sure I magicked up onto this very ledge like 2 minutes ago--this is their equivalent of those overly flowery hometown pride pics of your local downtown:

Why have an oil painting of some renaissance dude in a ruff when you can have one of an out-of-work mime staring adoringly at a mosquito:

YAY OUR FAIR NOT AT ALL DYSTOPIAN CITY like I think this was from the tourist bureau:

I mean, sure:

You know, having a very normal breakfast next to The Hole:

some people have pictures of tropical birds or wild horses or their pets 

some people have nightmarefish 

here in dishonoredland we only have nightmarefish

takes all kinds to make a world

but I mean all the mirrors look into the abyss instead of showing your reflection so

our fair city pt 2

another thing they like to do with their art is hang paintings of the EXACT ROOM YOU'RE IN, except with no people in it

ok I actually legit want this one

that time when the Flying Dutchman docked here

we do love our undead captains of industry

we are certainly, absolutely, very normal sailors, and not at all The Damned, cursed to rove these wretched seas until we find new souls to take our places

Okay but real talk time:

The name of the game in this, er, game named Dishonored 2 is BODY MANAGEMENT, folks. 

After you take someone out, you gotta hide the body or guards come and also you stress out your citizenry and you're the empress (on the lam) so that's irresponsible of you. Their wellbeing is your responsibility.

And you pretty much have to at least choke everyone out so they don't see you and attack you and also for peace and quiet because if the citizens see you carrying the guards' bodies they start screaming.

The citizens are WAY HAPPIER if they're unconscious.

So you gotta choke them out but like there's all this shit that wants to eat them: bloodflies, rats, probably other people, idk.

So you have to put them somewhere safe once they're unconscious, which usually means up high--

oh btw this game was made by cats, the floor is lava, never walk on the floor when you can climb on shit, you'll die

--so anyway, you've got all these people you've knocked out and you have to put them somewhere safe and it's tidier if you put them all in the same place, also you don't want other people seeing them because seeing bodies stresses your subjects out.

So step one is you gotta find a place to put the unconscious bodies up high and out of sight.

So I found this weird 2nd floor dentist's office with no stairs or anything so the only way you can get up there is by magic, so when they wake up they'll feel safe:

I am such a good empress 

they love me

There are even these bloodfly zombie people called Nest Keepers who are basically walking plague machines but I knocked that guy out too instead of killing him because I am merciful. But the bloodflies killed all these people in that house so there were a ton of bodies that I had to put somewhere.

I mean, no one was going to see them because the house was condemned, but it wasn't tidy.

So I needed to get them out of the house but running all the way down the stairs to carry them one-by-one was a lot of work so I just threw them out the window

and then I heard screaming 

so I guess some people saw them

probably should have choked those people out first, don't want them stressed.

But anyway I tidied up that house (body-wise, anyway--I feel the need to smash everything that's smashable when I leave a place so if I come back I remember that I looted it--but you have to be careful bc sometimes if you smash things near an unconscious person it kills them and you’re their empress and responsible for them so you don’t want that).

So then I went outside and decided to get down to business, putting away the bodies.

But then I found the Nest Keeper and he was dead, so I guess when the normal non-zombie people saw him they freaked out and killed him?

Anyway, so I was luring guards over and choking them out and putting them in the dentist's office so they'd be safe and then I saw this and was like OH SHIT WHAT HAPPENED HERE:

And then I realized those were the dead bodies I'd chucked out of the bloodfly house and maaaaaybe the guard got hit with a dead body and died.

I feel kind of bad.

But anyway, moving on, step 2 is you gotta find a place to put the DEAD bodies because you don't want your citizens seeing them and getting upset, and also it's not very tidy to leave them lying around your city, that's how you get ants.

So I found a very convenient tidy dumpster for the dead bodies:

I felt sorta sad when I put the nest keeper in there.  

sorry, my dude, people can be jerks 

I should have put him in the dentist's office first

or shit maybe it was throwing him out of the window that did him in, but once they're unconscious they're usually pretty bouncy. Like babies.

And I really thought the guard was dead from being hit with dead bodies but as it turned out they'd somehow just knocked him out and I didn't even have to chloroform him or choke him out.

To the dentist's office!

I was carrying this other guard and a guard came at me so I sorta had to chuck the unconscious dude at him which somehow killed them both and I was sad. 

The physics here are a little odd.

Okay and the guards had hanged a bunch of people which, fine, I guess, but the game WILL NOT let you cut the bodies down and it's bothering me because they really need to be taken to Body Stash #2.

This is very untidy.

So anyway, when you smash most things they disappear, so I spent a while cleaning up the city getting rid of all these unwashed dishes and putting all these bodies away.

It's much tidier now, and quiet with everyone unconscious.

No one wants to play video games with me 

which is fine, I guess  

not after Skyrim and my collecting all the brooms and buckets and putting them in the Janitor Closet House

[theinsanecrayonbox]

Ok this is so very weird that I just had to write it all down

So I woke up at 4am from a very strange dream. I had made some sort of shopping simulator game YEARS ago; it was set in my NickToons verse?? It was a large mall-like structure, main empty area was a giant food court filled with Npcs, and you could get food from several places. There were also vending machines with soda…and chat stations?? So many Easter eggs…

Anyways, the weirdest part was that I had only updated it once, like at plague time I guess? Cause now half the vending was closed down, a section of the mall was closed off, and if you went in there there was a hoard of infected zombie NPCs??

I only know THAT because I was playing it? Then I was all “wait is the original one somewhere?” So I googled it. My search brought up that apparently a dA watcher had put it in a wiki back when I first made it?? And that Jack had done a video on it once??? And I then spent time looking to see if Mark had, only to be sad he hadn’t??

And the whole time some part of my logical brain was like “wow this looks amazing for a FLASH game” and “huh who knew you could do that in FLASH” and I guess the reason I was trying to find the original was because FLASH games are dead and I lost the non-updated version????

Thus I woke up and immediately was like “wth was that about brain???” And yet I went to search my dA to make sure I hadn’t made some sort of game because…idk, still not awake??

And then 4 hours later I wake up from another weird dream, but not as weird, and not because it’s implausibility got me but because it was naturally time to wake up.

So this time, at the last second the BFF texted saying wanna game. I go sure. It’s not the usual game though, it’s his table and my table together…at the library? And there’s someone I hadn’t seen since high school at a computer asking what books we’re using? Anyways, tiny table, I complain about getting stuck in a tiny corner smushed between the BFF and his partner. And at this point I realize I forgot my game bag…which is weird since I had my dice box which is in that bag but I was missing my character sheets. I also realized that because apparently we were not playing the current campaign my table is, but we were supposed to use the same characters?? I think it was said this was a test to see if new dm (the high school person??) could manage the group?? Anyways, BFF got a text to go help him dad with something quick so offered to run me home to get the rest of my stuff but then I’d have to find my own way back since he didn’t know how long he was gonna be??? Idk I remember being annoyed at all if this getting sprung suddenly and not being allowed to make a new character.

Moral of the story; dreams are weird and last night I was informed it was a no-game Monday so…there ya go

[quazartranslates]

Welcome to the Nightmare Game - CH126

**This is an edited machine translation. For more information, please [click here]**

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

-----

Chapter 126: The Dream of the Holy Nun (XVI)

{cw: cannibalism}

Ning Zhou's talking eagle circled far ahead and then returned to its master.

"There’s movement ahead," Ning Zhou relayed after being told by the eagle.

In the darkness, only some buildings could be seen vaguely ahead. The rich black blinded their vision, and they couldn't help but feel fear because of the darkness and the unknown.

Ning Zhou looked forward, and on the other side of the street several figures were staggering. Although his night vision was good, he still couldn't see clearly. The eagle on his shoulder flapped its wings again and flew there in the dark.

"It's demons," Ning Zhou said coldly.

Sure enough, as in Nightmare Game, demons began to appear in the Holy City after the night of the new moon began. At that time, Qi Leren had been attacked by these demons and died, but this time he wouldn't repeat the same mistakes.

"Don't worry, they won't find us," Su He said, and walked on.

This group of solitary demons walked in the dark streets, wobbling, and seemed to have no mind or thoughts. Qi Leren observed them closely. Although the darkness made him unable to see their appearance clearly, he could see that they were walking slowly like zombies.

As a group of people walked into the market area of the Holy City, the number of these demons increased. They had no organization or discipline, but they followed strange instructions and wandered here... Waiting…

"Are the Holy City’s residents ok? Will these demons attack humans?" Dr. Lu asked nervously.

"There are no humans," Su He’s voice sounded in the dark. "Now, there are only demons left in this Holy City."

A chill climbed from his foot to the back of his neck, and Qi Leren couldn't help but feel disturbed. Although he knew that the Holy City would be full of demons after zero, he didn't expect that these demons… were the residents living here?

"Why is this? Do the residents here know that they’ll become demons? And then, if you don't sleep..." Qi Leren remembered the previous residents who disappeared on the night of the new moon, and a more terrible guess welled up in his mind.

"Once you fall asleep on the night of the new moon, you will be transformed into a demon after zero. If you stay awake, then..." Su He paused and said slowly, "...You’ll become the demons’ prey."

As if to confirm Su He's conjecture, there came the sound of a door in the street ahead. The door of the roadside house opened and a young man screamed as he rushed out: "No, demons! Don't come near me!"

Behind him, two strange demons staggered after him.

As he escaped from the house, the demons wandering aimlessly in the street were awakened. This group of irrational monsters roared excitedly and chased him in the direction of the four people. The young man ran away crying. In the dark, he tripped, got up, and continued to run, but the greedy predators behind him were getting closer and closer, about to catch him in the next second…

Qi Leren felt the hand on his wrist loosen, and when he turned to look, Ning Zhou had already rushed out.

"Don't kill them! They’re living people!" Qi Leren shouted.

Ning Zhou didn’t kill them. He hurriedly took the young person who’d fled, kicked away the demons who had pounced on him, carried the adult man in one hand, and grabbed the roof of the nearby house with one hand to pull them both up. More demons were alerted and they rushed towards him crazily…

There was a short melody in the dark, but it wasn’t beautiful. Instead it made one anxious, but in this strange melody, the originally crazy demons calmed down. They stood there blankly, and after standing still for a while, they continued to wander in twos and threes, turning a blind eye to the two living people.

The sound of this melody was too strange. Could it be the little blonde girl? Qi Leren stared in the direction of the sound, where it was immersed in pure darkness, and vaguely saw several figures coming towards them.

Three people in cloaks came to Ning Zhou, one of whom was still playing a flute. The front man looked up at the two people on the roof and said in a hoarse and erratic voice, "Foreigner, please give him to us."

The frightened young man knelt on the roof, shivering, and shouted with a broken voice: "No, no, no, don't hand me over... I want to go home, I want to sleep..."

"We will send you home, you will sleep safely until dawn, and then you will forget this matter. Come on, we’ll send you home," the cloaked man said.

"Who are you?" Ning Zhou asked. He was wary about these three people wearing cloaks because he felt that these people also had strong demon energy.

Qi Leren became nervous and took a step forward only to be dragged back by Su He: "Wait, let's see what this group wants to do first."

The cloaked men were silent for a moment, and two of them talked in a low voice. Finally, they said, "You can call us the night watch."

"Demons?" Ning Zhou coldly asked.

The demon under the cloak smiled bitterly, took off his hood, and showed a ferocious mutated face: "Yes, but we are lucid demons."

The young man saved by Ning Zhou shook even harder, his teeth rattled in the shaking. He seemed likely to faint at any moment.

"On this night of the new moon, all those who fall asleep will become demons, while those who are awake... will become the targets of demons. Although we’re standing here now, we can walk and talk, but in fact we are also sleeping. It can be said that we’re ‘sleepwalking’. On every night of the new moon, we look for the living who haven’t fallen asleep while we sleepwalk and save them before the demons eat them. We let them forget all this, and then sleep peacefully. Foreigner, promise me to keep this a secret like we do," the cloaked man said huskily.

"Why don't you tell people? Aren’t you letting this kind of thing continue?" Ning Zhou asked.

Within the faint flute music, a ferocious yet sad smile appeared on the night watchman's mutated face.

"The crimes committed by people in ignorance can be forgiven by God. Every night of the new moon, these people who fall asleep take off their clothes in their dreams, become cannibals, hunt their own kind everywhere, then clean up all traces before dawn, put on the cloak of human beings again, and wake up safely... This night has passed for eight years without incident. If one day, this hypocritical peace is broken and innocent people know that they were eating people, then the city will really be finished. They... Us, anyone will fall into hell and will no longer be redeemed."

Eating people... Once again, Qi Leren remembered the young man who recorded all this in his notebook. Did he end up being eaten by demons? Thinking again about the knock on the door he had heard that last time... the people who appeared in his home that night were probably only his relatives who had already fallen asleep.

Qi Leren felt a tumult in his stomach, as if it were burning. He covered his stomach and tried not to imagine the bloody and cruel picture.

The young man saved by Ning Zhou let out a cry of despair and threw up on the roof. On every night before this night, he slept like the bloody demons and greedily attacked the living. He couldn't help thinking of one day many years ago, when he’d spent the night of the new moon safely in his dream, he woke up feeling happy and satisfied physically and mentally, as if he had had a beautiful dream. On that day, the old woman next door who’d watched him grow up had disappeared in the disaster of the new moon…

That kind smile reappeared on the demonic face of the night watchmen: "Look. Knowing that you’ve eaten people is far more terrible than the eating of people itself."

-----

[<<< Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter >>>]

[impala-dreamer]

Crime & Punishment - Chapter Seven

~Y/N breaks one of her biggest rules while in bed with her Sir, and Sam has no choice but to punish her. Luckily for them both, his punishments tend to lean towards the more creative and…exciting.~

Dom!Sam x sub!Reader, Dean

2,578 Words

Warnings: NSFW. Touchless Edging. Knee Riding. Blow Job. Delicious

Series Masterlist ~ My Masterlist ~ Become A Patreon ~ My Original Works on Amazon

Twenty-seven was reached pressed up against the washing machine while she ran a load of whites. Twenty-eight and twenty-nine were immediately after as she sat on top of the dryer. It didn’t take much to get her close, it was almost as if she was constantly right on the edge, and the slightest push or sensation would send her back down into the stunted pleasure that made her mind melt and her lips drool.

Thirty was a total accident, occurring while talking to Sam in the kitchen. She bumped against the edge of the table and gasped as the rounded corner dug between her legs and rubbed right over her clit. Serendipitously, the alarm went off at that moment, so she kept bumping into it, rubbing herself over the edge of the table while Sam chopped veggies for stir-fry that night.

Thirty one was rather difficult. There were only so many things she could use, only so many ways to rub. She’d just about humped every chair in the Bunker, every nightstand and table. Nearing five o’clock and dripping down her thighs, she texted Sam begging him to let her use her hands, or at least one of the toys hiding in their play box.

His answer was a definitive, no.

As her alarm was sounding for the thousandth time, Y/N happened past an empty beer bottle decorating a ledge in the War Room. Making sure she was alone, she silenced her alarm and carried the bottle to the table. She sat in the chair closest to the stairs, aiming it so that she could see if anyone was walking by. Coast clear, Y/N leaned back and spread her legs, hitching the left up high onto the glowing table.

Y/N was hesitant, but she could almost hear the clock ticking. After sucking a bit on the top, she dragged the bottle down across her slit, shivering as the cold glass touched her heat. The contrast made her gasp, the slide of the smooth edge across her clit made her whine, and soon, Y/N didn’t care how weird or dirty it might be, she just needed to be filled up. It had been so long since anything thicker than her fingers had been inside, and at that moment, it didn’t matter what it was, only that it was there and ready.

The bottle went inside easily, neck pushing at her walls, spreading her gently. The lip was rounded and smooth, gently caressing her cunt as she began to fuck herself in ernest. She rocked her hips up into the bottle, pumped her hand in time, shoving it as deep as it would go.

Y/N’s moans filled the cavernous room, bouncing off the warded walls and disappearing down into the hallways. If anyone was nearby, they would have heard her, and oh, what she’d give to have Sam walk in right then.

Sucking in her lip, she opened her hazy eyes and trained them on the entrance to her left, imagining her giant lover suddenly filling the doorway. Would he comment on her choice of instrument, or merely stand, arms crossed, shoulder holding up the wall, watching?

Y/N shuddered at the image and held in a scream as her body tried to release. Quickly, she pulled the bottle away and closed her legs, taking deep, calming breaths until the throbbing ceased.

‘36. Edges. Sir.’

Her text was clipped and went unanswered, but she had obeyed, and that was all he needed to know.

Like a zombie with knees that barely worked, Y/N made her way to the kitchen to toss out her new best friend, and vowed never to speak to anyone about the time she fucked herself on one of Dean’s beloved Margiekugel’s.

Dinner was difficult. Y/N was so strung out and horny that she couldn’t focus to eat, and twice, Sam had to lift her hand and place it on her fock.

Dean watched the goings on with silent glee, amazed that their game was still going on. He toyed with his vegetables, mostly pushing them around on the plate so he appeared to have eaten them while really only picking out the chicken. He couldn’t believe how lost Y/N looked and yet how calm. She seemed drugged, dazed, unable to follow much of the conversation let alone participate in it. Still, she looked happy; a faint smile stuck on her pretty lips, a gentle hum of agreement whenever Sam said anything. It was cute. The collar was a shock, but she acted like it wasn’t even there, so Dean played along, not bringing it up.

When the alarm went off towards the end of the evening, Y/N looked at Sam with worry in her eyes, but he nodded and she was allowed to excuse herself to the bathroom. Much to Dean’s surprise, she never came back.

After dinner, he found himself in the Library, sipping a glass of scotch while playing Cookie Jam on his phone. He was stuck on level ten-forty and it was making him insane. So insane, he hadn’t noticed Y/N skipping down the stairs with a stack of hardcovers in her arms.

“Shit! Come on!”

She turned as he yelled, dumb concern covering her face. “You OK, Dean?” She sounded drunk, her tongue sloppy and loose.

He looked up and laughed at himself. “Yeah, just this stupid game.”

Y/N smiled and stared up at the shelves, trying to go over the alphabet in her head. “What comes after G?” she asked, not even a hint of jest.

Dean’s brow crinkled in concern. “H. Are you OK?”

“Oh, I’m amazing,” she said, barely able to cut off the word at the end. The letters just faded away as she shoved a book into its place on the shelf above her head. “Just feelin’ little stupid.” She stopped to laugh, then looked at Dean, which made her laugh even more. “I think my brains all leaking out of my pussy,” she whispered, cupping a hand to her mouth.

He smiled despite the horror of such an idea. “You’re gonna need a nap,” he said with a laugh.

Y/N shelved another book and let her head roll to the side as she sighed. “I’m gonna need a-”

A buzzing stopped her words and Dean watched as Y/N placed the stack of books down on the floor and silenced the phone that was tucked in her cleavage. Mindlessly and without explanation, she hopped up onto the reading chair next to Dean and tossed a leg over the arm. He watched in awe as she began to ride the arm, rubbing her pussy over the upholstered leather.

“Uh…” He laughed nervously but couldn’t look away, finally deciding he had to know what was going on. “Y/N?”

She moaned and looked up at him, her eyes dark and amazing. “Hmm?”

Dean shivered. “Whatcha doin’?”

Y/N’s tongue hung out of her mouth for a moment as she hit a particularly amazing spot and her body shook with pleasure. “I...I hafta rub but I can’t use my hands,” she whimpered, trying to focus on Dean and her pussy at the same time.

“Wow.” He swallowed hard and shifted in his seat, giving his dick a little more room against his zipper. “That’s...wow.”

“Hafta edge all day…” A growl left her lips and Dean’s jaw dropped.

“Really? Well, that explains it. Lemme guess, every time your alarm goes off?”

She nodded quickly, her bottom lip tight between her teeth. She groaned and pouted in frustration as the chair wasn’t giving her what she needed. Her eyes popped open suddenly and settled on Dean. Before he realized what was happening, Y/N was standing in front of him, her dress wet and nipples hard. He could smell her sex, feel the heat radiating off of her.

Y/N pouted and Dean lost himself in the desperation in her eyes.

“Come on,” he said, sitting back and patting his knee.

To his amazement, Y/N turned and sat on his thigh, straddling him just as she had the arm of the chair. Her back was to him and she dug her fingers into his knee as she began to rub herself on his thick thigh.

“Oh, fuck.” He could feel the denim getting wetter with each bounce, and his cock swelled, trying to reach her delicious ass, so close, yet so far away.

Y/N held on and rode his leg like it was the only thing in the world she needed to do. Breathing wasn’t even a necessity any longer, not when she had Dean’s amazingly thick and muscular thigh to grind down on. She held her breath, cursing silently as her clit began to ache.

Boots echoed through the room and Y/N and Dean both looked up to find Sam in the archway. He stood in the center, arms crossed, eyes glued to the picture in front of him. Y/N paused for a moment, but Sam nodded at both of them, allowing it to continue.

Dean could barely believe what was happening. His dick was full and throbbing and his fingers were aching to touch her. He leaned close and asked them both, his voice loud enough for Sam to hear, “Did he say just your fingers or…?”

Y/N gasped and looked to Sam again, lifting her glassy eyes. Once again, Sam gave his permission with a subtle nod.

“Do it,” she whispered over her shoulder. “Touch me, Dean. Please.” Sam cleared his throat and Y/N corrected herself quickly. “Just not my pussy,” she warned. “That’s not yours.”

Dean growled loudly and agreed with a nod before wrapping his arms tight around her. He sat up, pressing his chest into her back as his lips grazed her bare shoulders. The spaghetti straps of her sundress were no match for his greedy fingers and Dean pulled them down quickly, exposing her bouncing tits to Sam’s authoritative gaze.

“God, you are perfect,” Dean whispered, keeping his voice low, just between them.

Y/N moaned and let her head fall back, finding a cradle in the crook of his neck. His hands were hot as they cupped her breasts, fingers rough and unforgiving as they tugged on her nipples.

Sam kept a close eye on Y/N, waiting for the moment to pull the fun away. Her lips began to shake and her thighs clenched around Dean’s knee, but he let them go a moment longer, wanting her to fight the orgasm away with all of her strength. Thirty-nine edges was quite a feat for three days, but forty would be his. Her orgasm would be his.

Y/N sucked in a deep breath as Dean’s teeth grazed her throat and Sam pulled the plug.

“That’s enough.” His voice rang out through the room and Y/N pulled herself off of Dean, leaving a mess behind on his jeans.

“Jesus, fuck.” Dean breathed out the curse as Y/N left. He looked down at the puddle on his knee and groaned as his cock jerked against his zipper. “Oh, damnit.”

Sam looked to Y/N and pointed at his poor brother. “Take care of him, girl,” he commanded, deep voice steady and firm.

Y/N smiled dumbly and nodded. She spun around, skirt flaring around her bare ass, and sank to her knees, immediately lifting her hands to Dean’s belt.

He startled but lifted his hips, helping her work his jeans open. Once his cock was free, Y/N licked her lips and leaned down, her eyes glued to Dean’s.

“Are you sure?” he asked, looking back and forth between her and Sam.

Sam smirked. “She wants to. It’s fine.”

Y/N gave Dean a silent wink before kissing the tip of his cock and blanking out the rest of the world from his mind.

“Oh, sweet mother of god!” Her mouth was hot and tight, wet and hungry. She took him deep right away and then toyed with him, hands and tongue caressing and teasing every spot that made his breath hitch and his eyes roll. He sank deep into the chair, his bones and muscles melting under her touch, all save one.

Y/N’s eyes rolled back and high as she sucked him down, lovingly swallowing around his cock with each pass. As she got into it, rocking on her hands and knees, her skirt flew up, exposing her soaked cunt to Sam’s watchful eye.

A smirk lifted the corner of his mouth. “Rub,” he commanded, and Y/N obeyed, reaching one hand between her legs to give him another edge while Dean’s cock jabbed at the back of her throat. “Harder.”

Y/N moaned around Dean’s cock as her body shook, out of time and rhythm, rubbing and sucking like a fucking machine.

“Slap it.”

She screamed as her own palm came up, slapping her swollen pussy hard.

“Again.”

The thwack was wet and her moan vibrated through Dean.

“Jesus Christ,” he grit, jerking his hips up into her mouth, fucking her throat deep. Spit ran down from her face, falling from her chin onto her tits and the floor.

“Again!”

Y/N slapped herself once more and her body spasmed as she clamped down on Dean’s cock, lips tighter than ever, her throat constricting around him.

He came like a fountain, shooting a hot stream down the back of her throat, unable to stop it even if he wanted to. He grunted like a caveman and gripped the arms of the chair, holding on as his body let go.

Sam watched as his good girl stopped rubbing and sat up, drinking Dean down and massaging his thighs as he relaxed.

Sitting back on her heels, Y/N licked him gently until he was soft and overly sensitive, only leaving him alone once Dean waved her off, groaning.

“Fuck, that was amazing,” he mumbled, rubbing a hand down his thigh. He leaned forward, trying to reach for her, but she was too far. His fingertips brushed her cheek, patting gently, and Y/N smiled proudly.

Sam’s voice broke through the glowing moment, bringing Y/N back into her task. “Number?”

Y/N sat up straight and let out a deep, calming breath even as her body surged with pride. “Forty edges, Sir.”

“Very good,” he said, turning away from the scene. “Go clean up. It’s almost bedtime.”

She nodded and stood up, squeezing Dean’s knee as she did and giving him another wink. “Yes, Sir.”

Sam was already gone and Dean grabbed her hand as she turned, pulling her back a bit. She nearly took a tumble in her heels, falling backwards and landing on his knee once more. His jeans were still soaked and the cold startled her.

“Dean,” she smiled, twisting her hand from his. “I gotta go.”

“I know,” he said, lips plump from biting, shining with spit. He looked her over, moaning under his breath as he saw the damp circles on her dress from where she’d drooled. “I just wanted-”

Y/N leaned in and placed a kiss on his cheek. “You’re welcome.”

Dean closed his eyes and took a breath, drinking in her scent and heat, filing it all away for later. “Thank you.”

She was gone when he opened his eyes, the click of her shoes echoing as they disappeared down the hallway.

[thenervousmedic]

I had a minecraft dream last night...

This is going to be a long post, but bear eith me, and take the time to read it.

I don't dream about minecraft very often. In fact this might be a first. I'm still in bed while writing this, as im afraid if I wait I'll lose a bunch of the memories.

It involved myself and a few members of the Dream SMP getting sucked into MC. Ironic, I know. Dream, George, Badboyhalo, Tecnoblade, Wilbur Soot, Tommyinnit, and myself. We all looked like our avatars... mostly, and even had some special skills i'll get into later.

To be clear, they were as they are in real life in terms of personality.

I've not watched the dream smp yet... maybe I should start soon. Anyway, side tracked...

The world worked differently than normal MC. It was more realistic, especially the combat and movement. Anything you can do irl you can do here. The drawback was that it made everything harder and more exhausting.

I was dragged in a month before the others, where over the next four weeks, I'd figure out how the lives system works; how difficult movement was; that crafting was nearly the same as normal mc; and how to build.

Five lives. There was a little tracker on the back of your hand, five squares for five lives. Each life you lost, a square would disappear. But it wasnt that simple. Every tine you died you'd feel the affects of the world more. Eating took longer, everything cost more and more realistic amounts of effort, and most importantly... taking damage would actually hurt.

On your first life damage was less of a danger and more of a 'stat' to just be aware of. Getting attacked, shot, exploded next to, ect wasn't too bad. But the more you died the more these things started to get scary. Arrows would tear their way in and ve painful to remove. You'd bleed and have actual wounds that needed care.

By the time the smp members were spawning in, I'd already been reduced to my last life. I was never good at minecraft, though im alright irl with a bow it didnt help much.

You spawn in unconcious. I'd lost my first life that way. I spawned above water. A painless drowning. I hadn't gone back to the ocean since, it scared the fuck out of me.

The first to arrive was Techno. I went back to spawn for the good sheep spawns there. Found him asleep in the grass. He was lucky no creepers had spawned.

Nearly everyone was bigger than me, I'm pretty small, so hauling this guys limp piglin ass all the way to my little safety shack was really hard.

Then Dream and George one after another. Badboy. Tommy... and finally Wilbur.

Wilbur was... a special case. He was a ghost. Just like his ghostbur skin had been. Fully awake, really freaking out. I was near collapsing from taking everyone else to my home, wasnt really much of a comfort, but I at least managed to convince him to come with me after the sun started to dip.

When we got back Wilbur helped me make beds. Couldn't have everyone sleeping propped up against the walls... Wilbur couldn't grab anything, but he could open and close chests. He also found out he could manafest things like his guitar, and a plushie orca. Things that made him a little less anxious. It was nice to hear music again.

I didnt get to talk to him long. We finished the beds, put everyone on one, then I immediatly konked the fuck out over the crafting table.

By the time I woke up, everyone was already awake and talking. The typical suspects. Why are we here, how, what happened, is this even real. You get the picture. I guess usually social anxiety, especially in the presence of people I admire so much, would've been a big stressor but after a month alone in this world I damn near started bawling at the thought of someone else even existing.

I told them all I know. We are stuck here, we have lives, dont fucking lose them it makes the game harder. The physics are just as janky as regular minecraft, mobs are much more articulated, armour actually has weight and at this point I wasnt aware of the little buffs everyone had to a particular skill.

Dream was incredibly good at exploiting the game's wonky system and parkouring, even of he couldnt nessesarily do it irl.

Techno was suddenly extremely knowledgeable about combat and could handle most weapons effectively. He was also a piglin-type guy which made him immune to fire.

George's coding skills translated directly into redstone knowledge, letting him build ridiculous machines with enough respources.

Tommy had incredible luck with loot and generally got good enchants.

And Bad was, thanks to his skin, some form of demonic entity and would be completely ignored by most hostile mobs.

Wilbur, as you know, was a ghost who could phase through anything and summon ghostly items.

We didn't find out everyone's special trait immediatly, of course. It happened over many days of trail and error trying to collect resources, build, and have fun.

Turns out my skill was useless by myself, hence why I never found it before they arrived. Anything I gave to another person was twice as effective. Healing items helped more, food would fill them on smaller portions, armour would get a free temporary enchant depending on what they needed.

I'd never liked playing minecraft alone.

I'm losing some of the dream, I shoukd wtite some bullet points down or this post will be miles long.

Tommy accidently befriended a wolf, he named it Wilbur to mess with Wilbur. We had two Wilburs.

Bad was constantly driven up the wall by peoples language but truly was using it as a coping mechanism early on because he was afraid of being stuck here forever. We made sure to swear occasionally so he'd get the oportunity to yell at us.

Techno lost his first life when a creeper blast threw him directly into Dream's sword.

Dream never got over it.

Wilbur started making more songs and even made a few targetted at the groups adventures.

Wilbur descovered if he goes into the floor he cant tell which was is up, this terrified him, he never went underground again.

George made automatic farms and eventually even non-minecraft typical things like a morning alarm clock, a compass that pointed to the nearest village, and invented new armour that was more lightweight but still protective.

Wilbur the wolf regularly barked at and mauled giant spiders before they got anywhere near the house, much to literally everyone's relief.

Bad learned how to read and write enchanting table symbols.

I taught Dream how to repair his clothes and in return he showed me how to build traps.

Techno learned he could talk hoglin, piglin, and villager.

Bad learned he could stare at endermen and mistakingly assumed everyone could so he told everyone else its ok to do so.

Tommy lost his first life to an enderman.

Wilbur worked with george for a whole week on special gloves that would let him touch stuff.

I took an arrow dangerously close to the lungs after Tomny's first respawn trying to bring him home.

Dream realised he couldn't take off his mask and wished he could see the world normally again, nobody knew what his vision was like.

Bad descovered a joy for cooking.

Bad also tamed a cat and named it Muffin.

Muffin the cat would ride Wilbur the wolf around.

Dream lost his first life to hunger after pushing himself for too long.

Techno took a wrong step in the neather and lost his second life to a seriously long fall.

I never knew what I looked like...

Tommy lost his second life being overrun by zombies without a weapon. We made a rule to never leave the house alone after this many deaths.

Bad descovered pretty late that milk is poisonous to him and thus cakes will kill him. He lost a life to cake. He was devastated.

Tommy built a cute campfire. He and Wilbur would mess around singing at it. Wolf Wilbur thoroughly enjoyed this.

I would stay up most of the night watching everyone sleep because I worried the house could get invaded or surrounded. They found out after Phantoms started spawning and made a rule that at least one of then would stay awake at night to make me feel better.

George built Dream an obstacle course with lots of moving parts and such. He ran it every morning.

I learned how to play guitar from Wilbur at the campfire.

Torches never burnt out after they arrived. No idea why.

That's all I can remember...

It was a hard dream, I was sad and angry sometimes... but the happy moments made it worth it.

I hope I return to that dream someday.

[pinkpluswhite]

ok mauer trailer thoughts because my brain is firing all cylinders rn (ill put everything under the cut since this post might get a little long)

- raptor one is still alive??? the camera put a whole lot of focus on him and i dont recognize him as an operator so... raptor one❗️❗️❗️ (+ the operators have specific lines for raptor one so i guess they couldnt kill him off 🧍 how else would we exfil?)

- obviously i might have said this before but the ee this time is were stopping valentina from unleashing her undead army / taskforce baldr from the da and probably killing her like krav said 😔 (if the da doesnt get to her first 🥴🥴). 

- of course im pretty sure valentina is only doing this to get her “father” out of the dark aether and i think the undead army is just gonna be a side effect from that

- KLAUS!!!! MY BELOVED!!! i hope he works with the pinging system so its actually a bit more useful solo (im just very happy to see him i cant get enough of robots) (plus hes got a mustache so hes an s tier character instantly)

- also speaking of klaus...... i might be tweaking but he sounds like a certain funny german man we know............

- skeleton man. skeletor. is he a boss? is he someone we know? it looks like he controls those zombies floating around the pack a punch machine?

- no sign of weaver, so he might not be involved in the easter egg like i thought 😔 its still cool to get him as an operator tho 

- i know sam is being tested / experimented on in requiem hq so obviously were not gonna hear from her, but i wonder if ravenov is taking her place radio intel wise? this might not make sense but ravenov is more of an ally to maxis than requiem, and when we got solo ravenov intel (just him speaking) it appeared in the maxis tab. idk what he would say, that hes sorry operation excision went to shit? maybe he’ll say some words about requiem and omega? idk id like to hear his voice again

- manifesting requiem mole reveal 🙏🙏🙏🙏 just make it official already treyarch

ill add more in reblogs if i think of anything else my brain is just going haywire i love this game

[inspector-montoya-fox]

here’s why Thieves in Time is a bad game

before y’all try it, i just want to say that i’ll be as unapologetically petty and sarcastic as i want and fucking rip this game to shreds. yes, this is how i’ve spent my days since Thieves in Time came out. sitting alone in my room, staring at the wall, crying and complaining. because it has since been my life’s aim and dream to think about it every day, state the negative things about it, and become an evil essay witch on this half-dead website. *evil laugh*

Story:

References: i want to start with the smallest problem, but one that annoys me to this day. in the original trilogy, there weren’t a lot of references but the ones that were included were meticulously researched and well thought-out (i’m specifically referring to that Neil Diamond Carmelita vinyl gag, but can’t find the original post). the references in Thieves in Time however, were obviously just the creators’ interests. Turning Japanese, Clan of the Cave Bear and Bentley’s “hacksona” presented as Rambo just scream 1980s (which i’m assuming is the decade the creators grew up in), and Of Mice and Men is classic literature about the Great Depression, which subsequently started being taught in school in the US during the 1980s. it feels like the creators just went ‘let’s discuss what our lives had in common during our teen years and put that in’ instead of researching it first. and, here’s the thing: when you’re adding references, in order to make them funny or interesting, they have to fit in with the property or the character that’s connected to them in some way. Don Octavio was an opera aficionado so his episode’s title card pays homage to the Phantom of the Opera, young Muggshot was influenced by the movie “The Dogfather” because he’s a gangster, etc. these were funny because they were so spot-on with these characters. if every character in the Sly Cooper universe references the same type of stuff (from the 1980s) and shares the same interests, it’s just claustrophobic and uninteresting. i’m pretty sure i’m not the only one who had to look up these ultra-hetero, scrotum references when the game came out. that’s because they were specifically tailored to be funny to them, and not their target demographic which were kids in 2013.

Narrative: now that we got that out of the way, let’s look at the narrative. at the end of Sly 3, Bentley says he’s building a time machine. Sanzaru took that joke and decided to run with it as the premise for their game. ok, not the best idea, but i get it - you’re literally picking up where the last game left off. since all the storylines were wrapped up, they could’ve done something different like Sly’s kids or Bentley and Murray’s families, but this isn’t an essay about suggestions so...... time travel (i want to say that it’s, again, an 80s reference but whatever) was pretty ‘out there’ in 2013. i mean, even Plants vs Zombies 2, which was released that year, had to do with time travel (yes, i’m referencing an app). but Sanzaru had the advantage of applying this premise onto already established mythos and lore. the story had definite potential: someone is threatening Sly’s lineage so he has to travel back in time to save the day. the player would get to explore new locations and iconic eras in history, and, of course, the main selling point: playable ancestors. how could you screw that up? welp.... let’s think about the plot holes here for a sec. Bentley’s device would take the gang back in time when given an item from the specific era. stop. this right here is called ‘over-complicating’. how did they know the items would take them directly to the point where the specific ancestor was in danger? the Feudal Japan period lasted for 700 years: how did the machine know when and where to drop them off? and if the gang could return to the present at any time, why didn’t they do so when they were in trouble? oh right, the machine was broken. so how did they return the baddies to the present after they defeated them? i mean, why did they use the Grizz’s crown to travel to Medieval England if they went back to the present to drop him off to Interpol first? and on that note, how did they drop the baddies off to jail without getting caught and without Carmelita being around? i can already hear you thinking but these are total details that aren’t important, you jerk! well, yea, they truly are details and i truly am overthinking it. and yes, i truly am a jerk. but let me tell you something: when Sanzaru chose to make a new Sly game, did they not think ‘oh we’ll have to follow up Sly 2 and Sly 3′s stories’ which were well thought-out narratives with depth and various themes and didn’t have huge plot holes (as seen by my analysis through the episode project) ???? and did they also not think that their game would come out eight years after the last one, having expectations at an all-time high???? yea, that’s what i thought.

Characters: i’ll make a different section for Sucker Punch’s characters, so this is for Sanzaru’s original ones. name one iconic original character from Thieves in Time. i’ll wait... nope. not one. that’s because all of them were absolute shit. and here’s where i want to touch upon Sanzaru’s over-reliance on the trilogy. Ms Decibel (perhaps the most obvious copy) is a mix between Don Octavio, Miz Ruby, and the Contessa. El Jefe is Rajan if he went to the gym. Toothpick has Sir Raleigh’s temper and tendency to grow in size. and the Grizz is... whatever the fuck he is. (don’t worry i didn’t forget Le Paradox and Bob). there’s a difference between studying & creating similar characters and blatantly plagiarizing older characters because you lack the creativity. oh, boo-hoo this evil jerk’s telling it how it is. this set of villains is so lacklustre, i don’t even know where to begin. El Jefe is a tiger, even though we’ve already had two major tiger villains and one tiger flashlight guard. ok. Rajan could summon lightning because of the Clockwerk heart but El Jefe can do the same, how exactly? Toothpick is an armadillo (good) from Russia (better) with an obsession with the West (excellent) who can also grow huge (very bad). it’s never explained how or why. why?????? just tell me why. i want to know. i really want to know. Ms Decibel is an elephant who got into a tragic accident which left her with the power of hypnosis. music and hypnosis have already been done, but ok, i’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. so how do we use this character? spend the entirety of her screen time making jokes about... wait for it... her weight !!! this is top-notch comedy... really? like... really? the creators’ humor is a crime, at best. fart jokes and fat jokes all around. oh, and then there’s the Grizz. what the fuck where they thinking? just, what the fuck. i guess the guys at Sanzaru thought black people speak in rap? is that it? apart from it being extremely offensive, it’s also a blatant copy of Dimitri’s backstory. like, his introductory cutscene even has his paintings thrown at him and into the trash, like the intro cutscene for The Black Chateau. honestly, all of these villains caused me several types of pain, but not as much as...

Bob & Le Paradox: the absolute worst. i can just imagine the meeting going something like this: Sly’s ancestors are awesome! i wish we could fit them all in the game... here’s an amazing idea! what if we use one of the game’s few levels to introduce a brand new ancestor! yea! let’s make him dumb as fuck, strip him of any athletic prowess, and retcon the entire lineage by having him be the first Cooper ever! the kids will love a prehistoric level! ..... could you kindly point out where and when did ANYONE ask for this? i remember @ironicsnap​ saying something like the game is good until Bob. no, it was already bad - Bob just lowered the standard. like, a lot. people love Murray and his gameplay is neat, but no one ever thought ‘oh i wish we had a Cooper character with Murray’s game style’. why would they waste the opportunity to bring in Henriette, Thaddeus, Otto, literally any ancestor? why??? but they went ahead and created their own Cooper, and that wasn’t even the end of it. they had to make him dumb. they had to make him unbearable. they had to ruin the Cooper ancestry by adding this mess to the lineage. Sucker Punch made sure that all the ancestors were unique, but at the same time made all of them suave and funny and slick and you wish you could be them! well, fuck that. also, his name is Bob. Bob Cooper. it’s been 7 fucking years and i still can’t wrap my head around it.... so now, let’s talk about Le Paradox. i don’t have to mention the previous main villains, but i will. Clockwerk killed Sly’s ancestors and father, and was seemingly an eternal threat. Neyla was a psychopath who fooled everyone on her journey to becoming immortal by resurrecting Clockwerk. Dr M opened up the possibility for Sly’s dad to be a jerk instead of a hero, and died trying to unlock the Coopers’ legacy. how does Le Paradox compare? well, he’s a sleazebag skunk who was mad because of his dad’s downfall to the Coopers. that’s it. no twist, no depth, no clever dialogue. nothing. there’s nothing there. this is a new character, unfamiliar to everyone, who was hyped up for 5 levels and defeated in the conclusion. why was he a match for Sly? i don’t know. how did he fight for his life and ultimately tricked Sly into helping him? i don’t know. how the hell did he kidnap Carmelita? i don’t know. was it the power of persuasion? no, he’s revolting. so i literally don’t know. there’s no backstory, no fleshing-out the character, nothing. all we’re given to work with is a brief info-dump about his dad and how he escaped prison. i don’t know what else to say apart from how big a humiliation this was for Sanzaru and their team of writers. you had 8 years to work on something and this is what you came up with? anything would be better. anything would best this utter cliché of a villain, a distasteful misogynist, crybaby, idiot with an accent. literally anything.

Arcs & Themes: let’s take a look at the formulaic subplots for the gang’s members. apart from dealing with Le Paradox, everyone had a small arc. Sly had to deal with his break-up with Carmelita. Bentley had to deal with his break-up with Penelope. Murray had to deal with playing second fiddle to Bob. Carmelita was a damsel in distress and sex bait for the ancestors. the ancestors had their own mini storylines along with reacting to Sly’s presence. there you have it. i summarised it all for you, nice and neatly. are there any themes like in the previous games? nope. i promise you i’m not lying when i say that i tried hard to come up with something, even some speck of a detail i could use to over-analyse the story and come up with some ideas on themes. nothing. there are no themes. the subplots are character-driven and the player gives it 0 emotional investment. there is nothing to analyse, nothing to talk about. maybe even a theme for each level, like a spooky level or something? nope. the levels are dependent on eras and historical periods. the variation here is ok. Feudal Japan, Wild West, Prehistoric Australia, Medieval England and Ancient Arabia  - pretty good selection. i’ll give them credit for it. but that’s it. due to the absence of themes, the hubs feel empty. there’s no replayability factor. after you collect the bottles and masks and treasures, there’s nothing. i would spend hours revisiting the trilogy’s hubs, just roaming around. the hubs here are huge and empty. there’s nothing to reminisce about. nothing to recall. oh that’s where this mission went down. no, nothing like that. the aforementioned subplots are resolved during mission cutscenes and then they’re gone. you don’t have to explore spooky Prague alone as Bentley to have him overcome his fears, you don’t have to find out miners abducted Murray’s beloved Guru and search the Australian outback for him, you don’t have to hold back your tears when you’ve reached the end of the Cooper Vault and Sly asks his dad for help. nothing.

Gameplay:

Controls: as soon as i laid my hands on the controller the first time i played the game, that fateful afternoon, i knew something was up. Sly would respond 1 second late after you pushed something on the controller. it felt clunky, is what i’m trying to say or, as my sister put it, it felt heavy. and she was right. the controls were clunky and heavy and didn’t feel light, like playing as a thief should feel. i don’t know shit about game mechanics but this definitely didn’t feel right. the hubs are also chunky in design, the cliffs are huge and so cyclical or hexagonal, that when you parachute your way to them and are just an inch close, Sly will automatically just drop because he can’t grab onto them. running as Sly doesn’t feel fast, silently obliterating guards from behind feels slow, and swinging, grabbing, pickpocketting, and hanging aren’t fun anymore. presentation-wise, @designraccoon​ goes into detail here, in an absolute gem of a post. in short, the gameplay animations make Sly look less sneaky. Sanzaru didn’t even consider a thief’s movements.

Missions: why the fuck would you remove the player’s option to choose between which mission to do first? why would you do that? the game lays out what goes first, sometimes having only one mission available in the hub. and the missions aren’t even enjoyable. firstly, the loading screens take up to 5 minutes, maybe even 7-8. secondly, there’s hacking every 2 missions. the missions don’t have any dialogue to make them fun, lack in interesting puzzles, what more can i say? they’re overly easy and lack any challenge whatsoever. at least there’s variation in gameplay (hacking, RC car, fishing, costumes, ancestors, turret etc.) but because of the controls, even these get tiresome. the missions are solely there to progress the story and that’s why the operations are merely ‘storm the main baddie’. the trilogy had some pretty interesting missions which made sure to complete jobs required to take down the big bad. e.g. kidnap General Clawfoot to take down the security, hack Contessa’s computer to make sure Carmelita will be freed, steal voices to tempt Neyla, and then take down the Contessa. the missions in Thieves in Time lack substance and variety. and the hacking (all three styles) sucks.

Collectibles: here’s another fantastic idea: have players collect costumes in order to collect bottles in order to collect treasures in order to collect masks in order to unlock funky Sanzaru logo-themed merch! what was the reason for the collectibles? in previous games, collecting all bottles would unlock special abilities. that was it. it’s the same thing here too, but there’s less incentive? i mean when you have to collect 1000 things, what’s the point? the treasures are random and very few are references to the trilogy, so whatever. and the masks unlock... superhero costumes for what reason exactly? oh, and then there’s also the achievements for your Playstation account, like ‘open the map in every single location you visit’. what fun! if the reason for collecting the treasures is to play godawful hacking minigames in order to get masks, what’s the point? decorate your paraglider with the Sanzaru logo? or have Bentley dress up as discount Robocop? i mean including masks in the interior locations was cool, but the bottles were always supposed to be something you could do whenever your soul desired. sometimes i left them last before the operation, sometimes i collected them before the first mission. so i was pissed when i found out that, in some cases, you had to unlock the episode’s costume in order to get the all the bottles. so, fuck off.

Animation: i’ll keep this short. the animation was terrible. do you remember that tumblr blog from a while back, where she dedicated the posts to pointing out the mistakes in the animated cutscenes? yeah. point is, there were lots of them. the animation style was bad, the character design was ugly, the characters’ movements were unnatural. everything about it was shit. looking past the bad decision to drop the trilogy’s comicbook-style animated cutscenes, couldn’t they have hired someone better? someone with more experience? their concept art was awesome. couldn’t they hire that guy and have it be comicbook style if he wasn’t trained in animation?

Legacy:

The Players: let me ask a genuine question: who was this game made for? kids growing up in 2013? maybe so. because it feels like Sanzaru didn’t even consider the fans of the trilogy. actually, it felt like a huge fuck you. Sucker Punch made their trilogy for whoever. there were great stuff for kids, but adults would pick up and appreciate the references, the real-life setting (e.g. tobacco use, existence of nightclubs, spice instead of drugs, etc.). that’s why all three games are timeless classics. judging by Thieves in Time’s humor, the game wasn’t targeted for adults. so, it doesn’t make sense to use an already established property, beloved by its fans, to attract a new audience consisting of nine year-olds who’d laugh at Murray dressing up as a woman. if they really wanted to appeal to the fans of the original, why retcon everything? why change who the first Cooper was? when the gang’s stranded in Saudi Arabia, why have Sly say ‘i couldn't remember a time since we've teamed up that we felt so defeated’? the gang’s been in way deeper shit before. why the ‘Sly’s dad vs Le Paradox’s dad’ deus ex machina? Sly’s dad wasn’t famous because of stealing the world’s largest diamond, what the fuck are you even talking about? do the guys at Sanzaru have such big egos and bravado that they needed to change the original games’ lore? were they so preoccupied with leaving their signature on a property which was never their own? i don’t know who needs to read this, but i’m stating FACTS.

Characters: now let’s talk about Sanzaru’s treatment of the Cooper gang and the ancestors (female characters will get their own section). why would you change the characters like that? if it wasn’t for the voice acting, i’d say this is a completely different Cooper gang. there’s no wise-cracking band of best friends, going on heists and being proud of their brotherhood and bond. all that is replaced with the formulaic story arcs for each member. the trilogy’s cutscenes and dialogues made sure to establish how Sly, Bentley and Murray have lived together since they met at the orphanage, play videogames all day and order chinese food and pizza and whatever. through missions and their adventures, they face obstacles they have to overcome as a gang, and when Sly 3 came around, their friendship was put to the ultimate test when they almost disbanded. Thieves in Time was too lazy to add to this. Sanzaru thought ‘oh the trilogy showed how they’re best friends so we might as well have them focus on their own stories separately’ and if this is truly the case then i ask again: who was this game made for? because new fans would never know how tight the gang was just by playing Thieves in Time. there’s a lack of genuine friendship moments. like, what happened when Sly came back after faking his amnesia? that’s completely ignored. where’s the witty banter? the ‘wizard & sitting duck’ type of jokes? nothing of the sort. what we get is fart jokes and Murray wanting to dress up as a woman. on that note, what was that all about? ok, have him dress up as a geisha to get in. fine. have El Jefe slap his ass, have him perform in a painfully lengthy dance sequence, have him dress like that during the rest of the episode, and then have him be persistent about getting the belly-dancing gig? the hell? Murray was always kinda goofy but this just feels kinda homophobic? it feels dragged out and unfunny. and then there’s the ancestors. i said it once before and i’ll say it again, Sanzaru deprived me of a buff Arab daddy Salim Al Kupar and gave us that elderly shit instead. all jokes aside, the redesigns were uninteresting. why take away Tennessee Kid’s facial hair and give it to Galleth? i legitimately think all the ancestors were boring. i mean, their gameplay was cool, especially Tennessee Kid’s guns, but in terms of character, they were just some dudes. did they believe that Sly was their descendant from the future? maybe. did they care? nope. they all had the same storyline of dealing with Sly’s arrival, flirting with Carmelita and getting their canes stolen. that was it. the fans waited for so long to get even a glimpse of the ancestors in action, and Sanzaru downplayed all of them. they reduced them to useless idiots too occupied with women and food, incapable of getting their canes back from stupid Le Paradox. and they didn’t even stick to the lore. no ma’am. let’s make Rioichi the inventor of sushi !! because that makes total sense and would defo fit in with the character and the property! why. just, why. you were handed the lore !!! you were given all this rich backstory and you threw it all away to replace it with trash !!! complete trash.

Changes & Inconsistency: i want to briefly mention some changes that pissed me off. where’s the laser glide move? it was an important turning point at the end of Sly 3, so why did they get rid of it? Sly is a master thief who’s traveling back in time, so you’d think they’d actually make him a master thief. also, the changes in the binocucom and Bentley’s slideshows in order to modernise them. if Sucker Punch managed to place the mission starting points at locations where the binocucom would show the objective clearly, so could Sanzaru. instead, they chose to have it be a moving camera, floating around the hub. and Bentley’s slideshows were absolute classics, opportunities to include gags and have Bentley show off in his own way. you just had to change it into a tablet, didn’t you. omg you’re still looking at small details like these? yes sweetie, i consider the details because i think they shape the game more than anything. if i didn’t consider the details, then my opinion on the game would be incomplete. when i praise the trilogy i don’t only look at story and gameplay. because i’m unbiased like that. here, i’d also like the mention Dimitri. what a fucking waste. you either include him in the game or you don’t. but don’t give me some half-baked shit on how he’s working for the gang back in present day. Dimitri staying home, waiting on the gang to call him in order for him to give them details on the villains. how does that even slightly resemble anything about Dimitri’s character? they didn’t even include his voice, some greasy sweet Raccoonus Doodus dialogue.

Female Characters: you know it’s all been leading up to this. this is the crux of the Thieves in Time hate. i don’t want to say the game is misogynistic so i’ll call it anti-feminist. why? just answer me. why? why did you have to disrespect Carmelita like that? right off the bat, they swapped the pants for the skirt. in what world does an active inspector who’s always on the scene wear a skirt? Carmelita now wears a skirt because her only role in the game is to be the love interest. Carmelita now wears bright red lipstick and has a new hairstyle, which would be ok if only it wasn’t Carmelita. Carmelita now plays up her inner sassy Latina because she’s pigeonholed into the ‘angry ex girlfriend’ role. they compartmentalised her, tried to sexualise her because she couldn’t possibly be one of the boys. nope. let’s take a respected woman, high in rank and as physically able as Sly, and turn her into a cliché, an angry ex girlfriend for comedic relief, strip her of her abilities and have her be kidnapped twice, have every exchange with her be about how attractive she is, have almost every male character in the game flirt with her, have her boyfriend be jealous of his own ancestors because they’re flirting with her in order to create purposeless love triangles, and then, after all that, dress her up as a belly dancer and distract some guards while the rest of the gang do the heavy lifting. that last one was really the nail on the coffin. did Bentley have other ways to enter that door? absolutely. so, what the fuck? why did i come back for a good Sly game 8 years later and receive a game where you have to shake your controller to have Carmelita shake her ass? why did they have the guards’ eyes pop like that? why did no one stop them? and it isn’t just Carmelita. it’s Penelope too. god forbid we have a female character who doesn’t have a waist smaller than my finger, and a voluptuous physique. why was the redesign so drastic? the story stuff is also nonsensical. why did she leave? wasn’t she happy with Bentley? i watched her speech about turning on the gang about a thousand times and it still doesn’t make any sense. like, i literally don’t understand. what was her motive? and why reverse her story of overcoming the Black Baron persona and the connotations of a meek woman hiding behind a man’s disguise? why repeat it, shamelessly? do the guys at Sanzaru only know women who have recently broken up? why does Carmelita, Penelope and Ms Decibel all go through break-ups during the game? why does Penelope go against Bentley before they even break up? why waste the opportunity to introduce a new, well-written villain and use it to repeat something already done? why???? no woman is safe from Sanzaru because Ms Decibel... boy, did i feel bad for her. apart from continuously reminding us that she’s haha fat!! she’s also presented as a blind lovefool. love? what a silly concept only women believe in! Ms Decibel had a crush on Le Paradox (for some reason i can’t even fathom) and for that she must pay by being utterly humiliated. and what do ALL women do when a guy breaks up with them? they get so angry! yikes, stay clear guys! ....why does Sanzaru hate female characters? i’m genuinely curious. i mean, what forced them to depict women like this? i’m sorry, i can’t take much more of this.

Ending: and how do you end a disappointment that came 8 years late and didn’t even have a sequel guaranteed? yeap, you guessed it! a cliffhanger. but not just any cliffhanger - a total fuck you to anyone and everyone. with a single move Sanzaru instantly screwed over the franchise. the fans, the creators, the characters, anyone looking to continue the series. everyone. WHY would you trap the protagonist in the past? WHY? did you feel defensive about something that wasn’t even yours and went ‘well you can continue the series but the sequel will have to do with time travel’. why did you think it was a good idea? how does it even slightly resemble a good ending? someone fill me in please. because i don’t think i’m being unreasonable, i’m just telling it how it is.

Conclusion:

i did it. i fucking wrote it in all its motherfucking glory. the idiots at Sanzaru could’ve given us an amazing game but instead of working on how to make it better or including extra levels, they wasted their time on deciding what killable baby animal to include in each hub or what the backstory for each treasure should be. how fucking distasteful. and to think i’m an idiot myself for trying to force myself to like it because i was so in denial about how bad it was. i’ve just outlined everything wrong with that cursed game. i’m exhausted.

[danganronpastories]

Dorm Opposites ch 2

Kazuichi had learned a lot about his roommate over the course of two days. One: For how eccentric Gundham acted, he was actually quite quiet, he really only talked at random or when he was spoken to. Other then that he only talked to his animals. Two: He was extremely introverted and socially awkward. He didn’t seem to know how to hold a normal conversation, and whenever Kaz brought up social events the boy seemed to get anxious, fiddling with the large scarf. Finally Three: Gundham was very observant, he would sometimes find Gundham staring at him, almost like he was analyzing Kazuichi. The boy had seemed to figure out all of Kazuichis nervous ticks, his entire schedule and even the fact that Kazuichi had brown hair and eyes. Though that was attributed to Gundham walking in on Kazuichi taking out his contacts, but his hair, Kaz had no idea. Maybe he saw some brown hair near his scalp, if so Kazuichi had to dye his hair again soon. Now it was the day that Kazuichi had told Gundham that they could go to the arcade together. Kaz was putting on a black tank top and loose gray pants, he put on his signature black beanie and brushed his teeth.  Gundham was in the bathroom, he took out a black t shirt with fishnet sleeve, black jeans with some kind of stitched on star on the pocket. he put on a chocker with a pentagram hanging from it, black nail polish, eyeliner, some rings and like 3 bracelets.  Kazuichi peeked into the bathroom. “Hey Gundham- Oh” Kazuichi ducked out, blushing. “Holy jesus, what is this?!?!? He’s so hot omfg” Kazuichi thought to himself, hand covering his mouth. Gundham walked out of the bathroom in his buckled up knee high boots. “Are you alright mortal, it looks like fire has taken over your very being. DO YOU NEED ME TO VANQUISH IT!” Gundham yelled, pointing at Kazuichi at the end. Kazuichi laughed and shook his head, “No Gundham i’m fine, let’s head out now and have some fun.” Kazuichi exclaimed with excitement. The world outside the academy walls was bustling and bright, their were busy restaurant's, bustling and bright Cafe’s, Movie theaters that smelled like popcorn. People, mostly college students walking around and chatting. Kazuichi never felt so alive and free, It was nothing like his old poor neighborhood. They soon found their way to a building colored in black and blue with bright rainbow letters saying “Marty’s arcade”. There was people walking all around the place, mostly teenagers and students their age walking around, chatting and playing colorful designed arcade machines. Kazuichi walked in, Gundham trailing behind him. Kazuichi looked around, excited and bouncy. He loved arcades, they were one of the most fun places in the world. Kazuichi had also stolen a machine once just to look at the mechanics, his dad had given him a lot of shit for it. Kazuichi turned to Gundham, “so what do you wanna do first edgelord?” The moment he finished though he noticed something was up. Gundham was looking around, his facial expression was confused and anxious. His hands were grabbing and twirling his scarf around. Kazuichi got a bit closer, “Hey Gundham, are you ok? what’s going on man?” Kazuichi asked, hushing his voice a bit. Gundham turned towards him suddenly, causing the mechanic to jump a bit in his shoes. “What is this place, Inventor of machines?” Gundham asked, tilting his head. Kazuichi’s mouth gaped open, “You’ve never been to a arcade??” Kazuichi was dumbfounded to say the least. Gundham looked away, and shook his head. The boy looked like he was internally shrinking in on himself.  Kaz grabbed his hand and Gundham flinched, “come on edgelord, i’m going to introduce you to the wonderful world of arcades!” Kaz yelled, grinning ear to ear. Gundham found himself smiling too, Kazuichi’s smile was infectious. Gundham laughed, “Ok!” Gundham replied and the two ran into the depth's of the game filled building.  Kazuichi and Gundhams first game was a zombie shooter game, not the best choice as both of them were scared out of their minds. Kaz was screaming while shooting at zombies, he was not very successful. Gundham was biting his lip while screaming curses that Kaz swore was a part of some other language he didn’t know. The both of them did eventually lose with terrified screams and Kaz jumping on Gundham like this was some scooby doo ripoff. Kaz got up on his hands and knee’s on the floor. Gundham was under him, eyes closed, stirring a bit. “The fall might have caused him to blackout”, on that thought entering his head he panicked. Kazuichi shook the dark haired boys shoulder maybe a bit rougher than he intended to. “Gundham, edgelord, tanaka, Gunny wake up” Kazuichi whisper yelled. Gundham stirred, his vision was blurry for a sec as he broke out of the haze. He turned over and saw Kazuichi, inches away from his face. “Um mortal, what are you doing?” Gundham asked, voice cracking, blushing bright red. Kazuichi scrambled to his feet, pulling down his beanie. “S-sorry, we fell.” Kazuichi muttered, face bright pink. Gundham got up, shaking his head a bit. They both decided to play a large version of pac man. Gundham looked at Kazuichi, “It’s all a matter of looking at and memorizing the patterns in puzzles like this. If you can do that, you’re guaranteed success” Gundham explained, though his voice was a lot softer. Maybe he was muttering to himself. Kazuichi shrugged turning to the game. Oh boy did Gundham wipe the floor with Kazuichi when it came to scores. They both battled fiercely but in the end Gundham, the supreme overlord of ice came out victorious. Kazuichi stood up, looking between the game and Gundham, who had just stood up calmly. “How did you do that!?” Kazuichi screamed, exasperated. Gundham tilted his head, “I just told you, I memorized the patterns in the puzzle, specifically the enemy ghosts, all but one move in a pattern, if you can figure out the pattern and track their movements, while also keeping tabs on the wild card you can win.” Gundham explained, raising his finger up, looking truly invested in the conversation for the first time since Kazuichi has met him. The boys spent the rest of the day playing games, and Kazuichi even got a cool sticky hand with his tickets. Gundham got a bag of sunflower seeds.  The moon was high in the sky and shining down on the world beautifully, illuminating the boys walk back to campus. Kazuichi looked at the boy, the boys dark hair with white streaks shone in the moonlight, and his red eye was almost glowing. Kazuichi had to admit he was beautiful, with the moon shining on him. “I don’t have a crush on him or anything, I’m just observing” Kaz thought, completely oblivious.... He heard a tiny yawn and looked at the boy. “Omg he yawns like a kitten” Kaz thought, totally not freaking out or anything. Kazuichi laughed, “You sound tired edgelord, are you doing ok” Kazuchi asked, stifling giggles. “I’m fine, I’m just tired. I don’t normally hang around a place with a lot of people, I’m just tired. I-i had fun though, I’ve never done this mortal thing before” Gundham smiled brightly, his voice was soft, with tired tones. Kazuichi smiled, this conversation was one of the more sentimental conversations he’s had with Gundham. “What about you? do you do this often?” Gundham asked Kazuichi, staring intensely at the pink haired college student. Kazuichi looked down, he wondered if he should get this personal but maybe, just maybe, he could trust his roommate. “Yes I did, but I hung around the wrong crowd, and sometimes we did bad things, so I had to leave the crowd, or i guess cast out when I wasn’t good enough anymore.” Kazuichi answered solemnly. Gundham stared for a moment, he wanted to comfort the boy but he didn’t exactly know how. So he decided to break it down in the only way that he knew how. “So you hung with a bad pride of lions, then you were banished or left” Gundham spoke in a quiet voice. Kazuichi tilted his head, confused. “What do you mean edgelord?” Kazuichi asked. “In nature when the dominant male lions return to their pride all the other males must either submit to their leader or be banished.” Gundham explained, eyes focused and steely. Kazuichi ran a hand through his hair, “I guess, I did try to fit in at first. But I was....betrayed by my fellow lions, so I left.” Kazuichi said, voice full of sorrow. Gundham frowned, maybe he could do this. He put a hand on Kazuichis shoulder, “It’s alright, you should always leave a situation that hurts you. I know how cruel mortals can be” Gundham said to Kazuichi. Kaz smiled, he felt a bit better, “Thanks Gunny, i feel a bit better” Kaz only realized what he said a second after he said it. Kaz blushed and started yelling nonsense, and Gundham hid himself in his scarf.  Once Kazuichi calmed down he proposed his question. “What about you? You said you’d never been to one?” Kazuichi asked, wiping his eyes quickly. Gundham took his hand off Kaz’s shoulders. “Well, i’m like a white tiger. Now tigers are already solitary creatures, they prefer to hunt alone. Most tigers have a orange with black stripes palate but white tigers have a white with black stripes pallete. They even stand out among their solitary species. Even if I tried to make friends, I never fit in. I don’t need mortal friends anyway” Gundham explained this before he started walking faster than Kaz, looking pretty upset. “......” Kazuichi didn’t know what to say, to never have any friends your entire life......that must be so lonely. Kazuichi caught up with him, “Gundham?” Kazuichi muttered, “Yes” Gundham looked over at him.  “Are we friends?” Kazuichi asked. Gundham stopped short, his whole world seemed to go into slow motion, friends?? “Y-you wanna be friends, with me?” Gundham stuttered, he sounded so confused. Kazuichi felt sad hearing that, he felt bad for his roommate, he probably didn’t understand. “Of course, Your kinda strange but, you’re very fun and kind.” Kazuichi tried to take it slow, he wanted to get it through to him. “Are you trying to trick me somehow, what’s your game. What do you want?” Gundham backed up from the boy, staring Kaz straight through his soul. Kazuichi shook his head, “Nothing, nothing Gundham. Nothing, I just want to be your friend. I don’t want anything, just calm down man, it’s ok.” Kaz soothed and Gundhams trembling shoulders slowly lowered. “I-i guess we can be friends, but beware mortal, for I am not to be trifled with!!!” Gundham’s personality switched back to normal. The boys soon walked home and they looked at each other before giving each other a high five before going into their dorm room. The two got changed into their nightclothes and went into their beds. “Goodnight edgelord” Kazuichi whispered to Gundham sleepily. “Goodnight.....Kaz”

[resonanteye]

via https://resonanteye.net/horror-movie-reviews-day-one-the-horror-of-everyday-life/

horror movie reviews: day one, the horror of everyday life

a series of reviews, two each day, of horror movies.

day one, movie one: # alive.

1: half the people are crazed and trying to kill the other half of the people, panic and mass casualties, violent infection, etc – yes, it’s 2020-2021 thank you, continue

2: infected people trying to get in and infect people who are quarantined, aggressive mental illness -yes, yes

3: your neighbors are all worse than you ever knew -yes. yes

4: cops eating each other -please do go on

5: oh no several days how will you ever survive with only ramen

two whole days of lockdown

6: so you’re warned to have plenty of food and water, yet you don’t immediately fill up the bathtub at least, or the sinks. and you don’t go into the zombie neighbor’s abandoned apartment to see if there’s food

7: too much tech, not enough walkie talkies. I doubt.

8: I get it, people expect the end of the world to be like, a switch flipped, but no. this shit draaaags forever

9: the golf club is reminiscent of funny games. maybe an intentional nod to his change in mental state

10: slapstick!

11: finally, foraging.

12: the Mormons are at the door

13: we have skipped two weeks, without water or food?

14: and finally the lights out- wouldn’t that go before the running water?

15: oh the melodrama. don’t be a moron, but this magical dude has been alive a month without water

16: Kim Yu-bin is keeping track of her shit. I bet he gets her killed. nice waterworld callback with watering the plant.

17: of course he’s that stupid, he’s the protagonist and you’re a competent woman in a movie. how else would it justify you endangering yourself for him?

18: oh, wait. he HAS water? from where?

19: finally the tech is worth a damn. and she’s feeding him, which is ok because yes helping each other matters but

20: ok yes the tech is nice, good point, this is a scene from hackers vs zombies. slapstick is fine. zombie big mad. give me back my hand you bastards

21: Jun-u. I had been ignoring his name the entire movie. This is a bad habit of mine with zombie stuff.

22: finally some decent fuckin plot movement. there’s kids, in a good movie he’d have to kill one. instead, a treasure trove of all the survival gear. it’s handy when someone else did the preparation FOR you. I mean damn

23: oooh she’s only alive to help HIM. what a fucking surprise

24: reminds me of the pandemic “share a window” website crossed with a gentle, normal mukbang (not a weird fetish feeder one)

25: the zombies are going hooome. the zombies are going hooooooome

26: ok yes sounds scary, looked scary but it seems like there’s only five of them at her door

27: she’s skilled. of course. melee fighter. I like that this isn’t the dumb-ass slow zombies, nor the superhuman ones. just regular people.

28: another pile up!

29: don’t drink koolaid from strangers, but spam? NO NOT THAT EITHER. of course there will be cannibals in this that aren’t sick, that’s another nice callback (the road) (dead alive). I’m still holding out hope a kid zombie gets killed, although it’s unlikely at this point.

30: holy fuckin generational-divide-monologue for the ages

31: oh damn a gunshot in South Korea.

32: look, Kim, I wasn’t given any backstory for you, but I really want you to outlive “regular dumb guy”. the suicide subplot is going nowhere and we both know it

33: it’s never a good look to be fighting zombie hordes on the stairs. I don’t know why, it just isn’t good. just stay in the damn apartment. please.

34: regular Joe, you are doing the right thing by staying behind, keep that up.

35: FUCK THIS SHITTY APARTMENT

36: finally, machine guns. sorry, I’m American. I’ve been waiting for an hour and a half for logic to set in

37: where are they even going? she’s cooler than him, why isn’t she getting messages? so I guess his Instagram saved her? is that a subversiveon of what I’ve been complaining about? I think it is.

7/10 excellent slapstick, callbacks, just enough humor without ruining the narrative. subversive ending in that he’s only in the movie for the sake of saving her life, and neither died. points deducted for lack of depth to the woman in the film, too much depth for the guy, and for showing us a lack of water then changing that enough to keep someone alive for 20 days. (also, he didn’t even fill up the sink, the hell)

number two, day one: condemned

this movie is about squatting, a lifestyle I’m too familiar with. let’s see how close to the mark it gets. oh, and zombie infection stuff. that too.

1: the supe is always the strangest thing in any building in NYC. always. this isn’t a narrator. this is realism.

2: when will rich kids learn that poverty isn’t an aesthetic? when will something that poor people authentically live through, be safe from commodification and the thievery of the privileged? where does class/cultural appropriation end? why are people using their yacht money on a tiny fuckin house? find out on the next episode of generation x, when we discuss the occup- wait no- this is just a zombie flick. sorry about that

3: I know she’s saying other shit on the phone but all I hear is “the rain was such a blessing”

4: montage is always good with good music over it. going anywhere in the city is basically a montage in reality

5: cigarettes cost 14 bucks in New York holy fuckin shit I’m old

6: ominous: “what could be worse than where you are now”, teens having sex, neon lighting, drainpipe footage, “what difference is a day gonna make”, “I won’t make the same mistake like I did in Vladivostok”

7: this bondage shit on the third floor is giving me a real, serious flashback to a job I did briefly which paid incredibly well. every time these characters show up I have a flashback, every time I watch this.

8: every character in this movie is someone I’ve met. every fuckin one. even cookie. I hate that and love it at the same time. I don’t know if you’ve ever lived in bad beat city but this is accuracy.

9: the glitch hallucination is wonderful. don’t show me people’s bad dreams, though. it’s a waste of film. especially someone’s dream who doesn’t know that squats don’t get the garbage picked up. at least he was gentle about her tourist status. (yes, that was fucking gentle. she’s visiting, but they LIVE there. he’ll show you the life of the mind)

10: the colors in this movie reminds me of Mermaid in a Manhole, an amazing movie itself- this is a compliment

11: yes punk means you puke and say “did you SEE that” yes it does

12: the way sickness spreads in close, unmaintained quarters is accurate too. these old buildings were originally tenements and were notorious for being built in a way that contributed to outbreaks of diseases. ny poverty history

13: the glitch used as stand-in for visual mirage is again amazing and continues to be throughout

14: that walk up all the stairs after a day at work to complain about the horror of everyday life, with a back crack and sore feet.

15: the cops are also accurate

16: the plot takes a nice strong left turn here, and it’s perfection. since the development of the plot cookie was leading us to doesn’t matter to the people in this building, it’s better to truncate it. and then we can get to business.

17: yes. if you die in a squat, you’re getting rolled in a carpet and left blocks away. you’ve got to. nobody’s gonna kill you but nobody’s going to be on the street over your ass either.

18: guitar axe skyline lightning. that may be a summary of the whole movie.

19: absolutely pitch perfect “you ruined new york city” rant for the ages

I used to live there

20: if the building wasn’t shit, this would be a nice Shining callback

21: FAWKKING

22: this movie just will not let you have any expected outcome. it’s brilliant.

23: I’ve lived in a brownstone that had a cellar which connected to every building on the block and beyond. that was in Philly, but the construction of this landscape is perfect.

full disclosure- I own this DVD and have watched it a lot. it’s one of my favorite movies, structurally and visually, and I think it’s one of the best horror movies made this decade.

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Plan of Action.

I see...so that’s what happened.

There are certain things about this situation that I don’t understand...but I can tell you what I know.

Ok, good.

For starters, I know you’ve been floating around in the space of the program for god knows how long, but do you have any idea, any at all, what Mikado is planning.

I have some semblance of an idea, yes.

Well, spill. What is it?

Mikado has a representative in this world who is handing out these cards...There’s a QR code on the cards, and when you scan it, your consciousness is brought over into that world.

Ayaka Haneyama...that representative must have been her.

Wouldn’t be so sure of that...according to some things we found out, it might have been someone disguised as her...

But those people we saw on the other side must’ve scanned the code, just like us...

There were other people in the Neo World?

Yeah...and we saw ‘em all get teared to fucking shreds by these Monokuma zombies...!

Oh Jesus fuck...!

No, that’s wrong.

Huh?

If you scan the QR code, only your subconsciousness gets brought into that world. It’s a little complicated, but your real body is still on the others side.

How does that make any sense? We got actually warped to the Neo World. If our bodies were on this side, Mahiru and Kazuichi would have found us a lot sooner.

Yeah, the four of you just appeared out of thin air. Clearly your real bodies actually went to that side.

It’s different for everyone here...because you’ve all been inside the Neo World before.

Your brains contain data from your avatars in the program, which means when the avatar is transported, so does the rest of your body...

I really have no idea what she’s talking about...

LISTEN! The point is that when people get transported over to that world, only their subconscious is transported, and their real bodies remain in this world. For us, it’s different, and our actual bodies go there too!

That’s all you need to know. It doesn’t matter how or why.

I guess...

But if people aren’t actually being dragged into that world, then why were those...digital forms of them, being ripped apart?

It’s basic video game logic that when the player dies, they respawn at the last checkpoint.

However, the “checkpoint” in the Neo World, is a dungeon in Mikado’s castle. And when you’re in there, you lose all will and lose the motivation to escape.

So, they’re not actually dead on that side, just locked up in a prison cell.

But I think this is where things are going to get serious...Can I ask a question Chiaki?

What happens to the people on this side?

Hm?

If their subconscious beings are shut away on that side, then what becomes of their real bodies on this side.

There’s more than a few threads between the mind and the body, so what happens when those threads are cut.

...

They become...mindless husks...slaves to Mikado’s will...

Wh-What...?

From the jail in the Neo World, Mikado can command things of the digital versions of the people trapped there. And whatever command he gives them, their real body will carry it out.

For example, if Mikado went up to your digital self and demanded you rob a store in broad daylight, or gun down an innocent civilian...

They would do it...!?

...Without so much as a second thought...

This...This can’t be...!?

No matter what, he NEEDS to be stopped! No man should have this kind of power, good OR evil.

Yeah but how? It’s not like we have any power in that world...

...Actually...

Ryota?

I...I don’t want to sound like this is a good thing, but I have...let’s say experience with brainwashing devices...

I think...with Kazuichi’s help...I might be able to...work something up.

Work up what exactly?

I’m referring to a device that will allow us to willingly enter that world...with whatever aspects from this world that we want.

For example, Hajime’s avatar can’t use all his talents, so...

You could fix that?

I could give it a shot. If I use some old programs, as well as that card you used Hajime, then I don’t doubt I could make this machine without any problems...

And...?

Huh?

I sense that there’s a drawback?

...Sort of...

The machine and technicalities may take...I estimate two weeks to complete...

Two weeks, do we even have that long!? What if Mikado brings in more victims in that time?

We don’t have a choice. However many victims Mikado brings in, we’ll save every last one of them. And if you think about it...

Two weeks is enough time to get our vacation over and done with, so...

So until we go into action, it’s time to lay low!? I can get down with that!

L-Laying low m-might not be the right thing to do in this situation...

What choice do we have. Yes, it’s inappropriate to relax given the circumstances, but if you don’t enjoy your vacation, we’d have headed out for nothing!

Plus, plus! Chiaki’s back, so she can go on vacation with us!

A vacation sounds fun...!

I guess that’s true...

Then let’s just enjoy our vacation for now...

What about us? Ryota and I will be working on the machine, so is there any time for us to chillax?

If either of you want to spend your free time doing fun stuff, then I can just take over for you.

Alright everyone, that’s the plan. We’re all in this together, so let’s get this done!

*Everyone places their hands in the middle. Hajime is holding Chiaki in his hand so she can be part of the circle.

//14 Days until the machine is complete.//

[bearpillowmonster]

Resident Evil 2 Remake Review

NON SPOILER

I've bought Resi 4 on Steam, after the first level of playing it, I realized that it wasn't for me, all the enemies looked the same and it looked repetitive, zombies kept spawning and there was no way to get rid of them all, I ran out of ammo, it was a mess. I knew that the genre did that, I know that that’s the point, but I didn’t like it. Plus, I couldn't even really get the gunplay to work right. I heard that it was at its best on the Gamecube but I haven't given it another shot since then. However I saw that Resi2 got a demo, so I played it when it released and I kind of liked it, I was sold on the game and asked for it for Christmas (or maybe even my birthday, so yeah it’s been a long time but I was busy with other games) Now, the RE3 remake is already out...wow, time to play RE2 then, huh? So, you can consider this my "first" RE game.

Right out of the gate, visuals are stunning, almost needless to say and the level of accuracy is immense. I mean I didn't expect there to be a gas station at the beginning but it even had the lighters and beef jerky towards the front and stuff, they really went all out. 

I can't imagine seeing this game when the original came out with PS1 graphics, it's ambitious, this is clearly the way it belongs. I thought a bug flew on screen but then I realized it was in-game, it's immersive, I don't normally read all the little tidbits and notes and stuff but it was generally interesting to read on the lore along with the VHS tapes and get some clues as to what to do next. I tried to play through it as if it were 1998 so I didn't look much up, I usually tried to do it myself with a few small exceptions. I felt accomplished by the end of each session like "Wow, I did that. I'm smart." It's rewarding. Now I played through each campaign so both Leon and Claire (starting with Leon) Claire on the other hand I was more lenient with, I looked up a decent amount because I was already in the station doing the same puzzles as Leon. It makes me wonder how they got the same items story-wise though, I mean we see Leon leaving her notes but you can't blow up the same wall twice in reality, that's nitpicking the game a little bit though. I will say that I felt like it was a wild goose chase when I did look it up because every thing I looked up was giving me different information "The portable safe is in this room." "No it's in this room." "This is the combination for the unicorn statue" "No it isn't, this is." Because it varies when you're playing on standard vs hardcore and whether it's your first or second run. So, I got my punishments for looking it up I guess.

But with that said, I know some of these types of older games have a tendency to make it really confusing and difficult without a guide so I was kind of worried about not knowing what to do or where to go. While I will say I had had to look a few things up, it became cut and dry once I figured out the pattern, most of the things I looked up were things I was going to do anyway but wanted to make sure before I somehow unleashed a hoard of zombies that I certainly didn't want. Same goes for story too, I knew close to nothing about it. But you basically just have to make it to the next area, think of it as that Chowder episode where he loses his hat and Chestnut has it so he has to go around doing odd jobs one by one in order to progress. The overall goal is to get out of the police station and kind of just find a way to survive but you have to focus on the smaller goals / getting to the next room. I looked pretty thoroughly through everything and managed to find everything I needed without even trying or knowing what it was for half the time like "Well this should come in handy later." *puts it in storage chest*  Speaking of, I like how each chest is like an Ender Chest and is interchangeable as if it was the same one chest in every location, that makes things much easier rather than some hardcore game of "where did I put my keys?" that I'm not into. But you learn to find your destination a lot easier than I thought. That was always something I hated about Resident Evil games while watching them, that there was a lot of backtracking but actually playing the game hits differently, it's not what I expected, it's actually kind of fun, like I mentioned saying "I know where that is!"

Maybe it's just the setting of a police station that did that for me or maybe seeing speedrunners doing it with the old games and paying no mind made me scared or maybe the fixed camera angle of the old games (so that each side of the room had the clip as if it were just a picture) along with the idea that the originals are dated rather than PS4 but regardless, it's just surprisingly not annoying like I thought.

Games can easily stress me out but I actually found myself cruising and feeling good about it despite all these zombies...then I met Mr. X. He chases you EVERYWHERE throughout the game. Thing of nightmares. I will probably hear footsteps in my sleep now. I knew he was coming but I didn't know his presence wasn't always scripted, it's just a game of cat and mouse...and he's the cat! It gets me paranoid because I'll stop and hear footsteps then stand still for a good 5 minutes and he's still tromping around. I walk down a hall. BOOM! Crashes through the wall, making ME screech. There's no way to get rid of him and it kind of ruins the atmosphere to be honest, I know it's trying to be scary but it's more annoying than scary because every time I move I'm like "Ok stop" and I'll stand around for a minute, checking the map, to check the fastest route to where I need to go, just to make sure and then continue... only to turn the next corner and then repeat. I couldn't even move comfortably anymore, it's space invading. The tension is high because he can come into the main hall which I liked to use to save but alas, I had to memorize where all the other save points were or check the map again.

So, you get to play as Claire, which I like, but with Leon's story it's kind of just like "Well I'm going to do my own thing and if she survives, she survives." I understand each step is essential to progressing and getting closer but for all he knows, she's just out in the rain, waiting for him to unlock the door. And I also know that she said that she can handle herself (before Leon had to point out the zombie behind her! lmao) and he has survival on the forefront of his mind too but still. They flirt every time they're on screen together but the thing is that I love it, I ship it, it's cheesy but I don't care, that’s half of what I’m even here for.

As for the rest of the story, you're telling me that they made not just one movie but a SERIES of movies and it wasn't this?! This is great, this is a master-craft in its work. I'm not a big fan of zombie movies, I'm sure there's one out there that I like but I can't think of any off the top of my head but this? This is it! (Jennifer Lawrence would make a good Claire tbh) Let alone the horror genre in general, I'm not even frightened all that easily, I just think a lot of the plots and decisions are stupid in horror, this goes against all that. Speaking of spooky, I know making the screen brightness balanced is normal for games but I don't think it's mattered more than here, brighten that baby up because sometimes it's pitch black, immersive but still hard to see.

Boss fights are something I didn't think a whole lot about until I actually got to it. Doing the first boss fight with G was really memorable for me because I could cower away all I wanted in that gridded pit of a machine room and just launch grenades at him but it wasn't until the bosses in the sewer that I really started to like it. First was that Crash Bandicoot type running sequence, then we had G-2. I had actually ran out of ammo at that point, I used it all on the sewage monsters (I didn't get the flamethrower, I didn't know how, as I said, I did this more or less blind) so I just kept running, and clicked X every time the option came up, hoping to pick up something good. All I got was a combat knife and a flash grenade, then I started messing with the buttons on the control panel, in hopes of cheesing it and just going to the next section but then I realized what I was actually doing. I was using those buttons to move a crate and using that crate to slam G into a pit. I love the classic boss style, I haven't played a boss like that in a long time. One where it doesn't matter how much ammo you have, but just using the environment to your advantage without it explicitly telling you (except the death screen giving you hints). That was until the later boss fights, you basically just keep unloading your belt until they die, kinda lame but whatever.

This actually made me rethink the genre and also about giving one of the other games a shot (PLEASE REMAKE CODE VERONICA, I BEG!) it might be right time, right place (PS4 with modern graphics and modern gunplay) that made me actually interested. The “true ending” is unlocked by playing through one of the two’s campaign and then playing through the other, which is basically the same game but with different cutscenes and context (some new areas too) so it’s definitely worth it, you could even just speedrun the second run if you’d like, you even unlock a secret boss and for those who have already seen the true ending, know that I liked it based off of what I said earlier, no spoilers.

[blookmallow]

and now we return to outlast 2, where- 

THINGS KEEP GETTING SO, SO MUCH WORSE

(i have... a LOT im trying to process about this whole section sorry for upcoming text walls. really nasty #blood / #gore in here as well though) (i didnt realize i was This far behind on liveblogs lmao i drafted this. a while ago and didnt get back to it until now) 

---

so i fell off the bridge (shock. horror. who could have predicted this) and right into the scalled village

what.............happened to you 

fuCKING GO D

so it turns out “the scalled” are... some kind of leper colony banned from the town and left to fester and rot out here alone 

most of them are just lying around suffering and dying, i dont know what the fuck happened to them, there’s some mention of like. wildly untreated syphilis/potentially other stds they’re being told is their curse for the sins they’ve committed but does.... syphilis do that to you. it might actually be leprosy i dont know i dont want to research this. all i can think about is when i watched jesus christ superstar in high school and the leper colony song where they’re all crowding around jesus all trying to touch him REALLY freaked me out for a while

i mean its like. probably a combination of disease left horrifically untreated and massively infected given the absolutely appalling conditions these people are living in (everything’s run down and full of blood and shit and who knows what else), starvation, who knows what they’re even finding to eat out here so that’s probably causing even more disease but still jesus christ

at first it just made me really sad, sure these people came from temple gate too so they were. fucked up cultists to begin with but a lot of this is like... result of longterm emotional and mental abuse and manipulation, some of these people might not have started out as depraved evil murderers, and like. nobody deserves to live like this. except knoth lmao throw him down here, but

so i thought maybe it would turn out that you realize they’re human too, they’re just in a fucking LOT of pain and maybe you can’t do anything to help them (i dont think there’s any hope for anyone down here at this point) but maybe they’d turn out to be on my side and do something to help me fight back against the leader who abandoned them, “the most absolutely fucked up looking people are actually the most human” kind of thing but uh. that is not how things went. at all, 

ill get into How Fucking Bad this got in a second lmao but like

most of them dont really do anything to you other than bleed on you and beg you for help, some people lash out but thats like, understandable given the horrifying state they’re in, but

as it turns out, being the “scalled messiah” is a VERY bad thing, they went from occasionally lashing out at me to outright tracking me down to murder me to death which, like, honestly kind of disappointing

bc one of the things i liked the most about the first outlast was how many of the prisoners were clearly just victims too, some of them (lookin at you, naked twin guys,) were just evil and murderous but some of them were just very very mentally unwell (exacerbated by horrible living conditions and the fact that the people who were supposed to be protecting them and helping them recover were actively, intentionally working to make their symptoms worse) and couldn’t really be blamed for acting violently toward you, but

then sometimes there’s people who warn you about dangers ahead, people sitting in corners hiding and scared and wont hurt you unless you give them a reason to think you might be a threat, people just trying to stay alive, people who need help 

but that’s. not the case here, and there’s definitely a particular kind of horror in “absolutely no one in this hell town can be trusted, nobody will help me, everyone here wants to hurt me and every time i think ive made any kind of progress it gets so much worse” (except that ONe guy who tried to protect me. im still sad about him) but. i dont know i feel like there’s a missed opportunity here. im not sure if im supposed to feel like the scalled deserve to be like this because of the kind of people they were before, but i dont. i feel like the “what the fucking shit HAPPENED to these people” horror is heightened by the realization that they’re people, and just kinda using them as attack zombies is. missing something, somehow. i dont know, i cant figure out how to word what i want to say here 

i mean its absolutely fucking horrifying, i was scared out of my mind going through all this, and i still gotta give props to a video game experience that left me legitimately feeling like i needed to go take a shower and crawl under a blanket for a while 

i guess ultimately with outlast im coming here to be scared shitless more than anything else and boy did they ever fucking deliver

ok im gonna stop bc i will keep talking in circles about this forever if i dont, moving on

WHAT EVEN ARE THESE GUYS, APART FROM COMPLETELY TERRIBLE

im guessing theres some kind of... inbreeding birth defect situation going on here but i cant even process what im looking at 

that and its hard to look at them at all considering the only times i see them im getting murdered to death. my panicked screenshots hoping to get a better look later did not help 

PRETTY SURE THEY JUST MADE HIM DRINK THEIR BLOOD, 

how the fuck has my dude not thrown up like 90 times already. im glad he hasnt bc im bad emetophobia but outlast 1 did it so im honestly surprised that hasnt happened unless ive just forgotten it in the blur of nightmares im going through here 

OH

THAT’S... NOT GOOD

THAT IS REALLY, REALLY NOT GOOD

FUCK SHIT MOTHERFUCKING FUCK

i gotta say im impressed with how FAR they GO with this one, i have no idea how much game i have left but considering this isnt even the ending i am HORRIFIED to see what the fuck is gonna happen next 

i mean outlast 1 has you getting your fucking fingers sliced off and whistleblower has. That Scene (even though like. it stops before waylon actually gets cut its REALLY CLOSE)  

this whole time i kept thinking something would happen and they’d get interrupted, I’d escape somehow, they aren’t really going to have the player character get literally fucking crucified from your own perspective,

but then the nails go in 

and you’ve got one hand literally nailed to a cross

and then they start the other one 

and i was like, WOW FUCK, THEY ACTUALLY DID IT, BUT NOW HE’LL ESCAPE... SOMEHOW.... RIGHT ??? 

but they lift it up 

and you’re hanging there 

and for a second i legitimately thought it was gonna end there for him, i thought he was actually just going to die there and the game would continue with lynn or something (which, to be fair, would be a pretty cool twist, but i dont WANT blake to just die here like this) 

ANYWAY!! FUCKING GOD, THAT SURE HAPPENED 

but against all odds HE SOMEHOW DIDNT FUCKING DIE, and managed to find the strength to rIP HIS HANDS OUT OF THE NAILS AND FALL DOWN

i cannot fucking IMAGINE what that would feel like. i dont want to imagine it but i sure the fuck am now 

i dont know if its possible to like. die from bleeding out in this scene if you dont find the bandages fast enough but it sure felt like i was going to 

fucking hell i can practically feel it in my real hands i HATE THIS i HATe it

god. fuck. im gonna be thinking about this scene for the rest of my life i didnt think anything would ever be worse than the finger slicing scene in outlast 1 but this. i think this wins

wHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?!??? THERES SOMETHING CHASING ME IN THE SCHOOL FLASHBACKS NOW IM NOT EVEN SAFE HERE ANYMORE

WHAT *IS* THAT??!??

w OA h

i still have no IDEA whats going on with these flashbacks either, clearly his classmate hung herself and he feels subconsciously responsible for it because he didn’t do anything to stop her (though it doesn’t sound like he Could have done anything, and. they were kids), there’s definitely some buried trauma he never dealt with thats resurfacing now but

i still dont think its just a manifestation of trauma, because like. the recordings are still coming out as fucked up static, if he was just having really intense hallucinations there wouldn’t be any record on the camera, it would just be him filming nothing and talking to himself through a panic attack, it wouldn’t be getting consistently corrupted ONLY during the flashbacks so what the fuck is happening 

COLA

DRINK IT

i m losing it its the cola machines from the first game i diD NOT EXPECT THESE TO BE HERE 

what the fuck is christian salad 

you didn’t think i would see this, outlast devs, you thought you could hide this on the menu board and i wouldnt notice. i did notice and i demand answers

NO!!!! THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF OKAY THIS IS THE LEAST OKAY I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE 

WELL!!!!! OKAY!!!! ALRIGHT!!!! NOW THAT I’VE BEEN LITERALLY FUCKING CRUCIFIED, FELL DOWN A HILL AND STRAIGHT INTO A FENCE OF BARBED WIRE, GOT DRAGGED OUT HERE AND BURIED ALIVE, CRAWLED MY WAY OUT OF MY OWN GRAVE AND NOW HAVE HOARDS OF DISEASED ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE CULTISTS SEARCHING FOR ME SO THEY CAN DEVOUR MY FLESH, LET’S GET GOING, SHALL WE 

THIS IS FINE!!! EVERYTHING IS FINE I CANT SEE SHIT AND THERES NOTHING BUT TREES AND BARBED WIRE EVERYWHERE AND NO INDICATIONS WHATSOEVER OF WHERE I NEED TO GO BUT IT’S F IN E IM DOING GREAT 

[dmydfilmreviews]

MARVEL MOMENTS

 So what they really did, as well as making a good load of films, was actually make a vast tapestry of genius interwoven moments like flicking through a big comic book! Ten years! Twenty something movies! A load of rubbish images at the end of the list because the last three films weren’t officially out on Blu Ray! Avengers assssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Tony Builds the First Suit

 Really it was a stroke of brilliance to start the whole shebang with Iron Man the self-made superhero. The backbone of the whole universe is that of Tony making himself and that all kicks off here, in a sequence that’s hugely thematically satisfying given what comes later. There’s also the fact that back in the day all this construction stuff was just fucking cool, a Nolan-lite bedrock for a blend of realism and fantasy that comic-book cinema had never quite nailed before. Seeing Tony improve his tech step-by-step is a quiet pleasure of these movies, the suits getting more and more outlandish but staying absolutely believable, just like the films, and that all kicks off here with one guy and a non-magical hammer.

Pepper Pulls Out Tony’s Heart

 I noted these all down before Endgame, honestly. Sob. It was always his story really. The best example of the foundational relationship of the MCU: They finish each other’s sentences!

‘Truth is… I am Iron Man.’

 They knew what they’d got from the very first. This ballsy coda sets the tone for the whole MCU, one of backed-up swagger, a willingness to fuck with the source material in the name of story and the general feeling that Robert Downey Jr. was God. All in like two hours. That they flipped the egotistically iconic line into an era-defining declaration of responsibility, growth and heroism a decade later is nothing short of remarkable.

Hulk and Betty in the Rain

 It’s uh… it’s a nice comic-book visual of a classic comic book romance, I guess? Look, Hulk came a long way later, but his forgotten love for Betty was the closest they ever came to the source material outside of the Hulk generally smashing and being awesome. It was sweet!

The Bit Where Hulk Suplexes a Giant Zombie Wolf on the Rainbow Bridge of Asgard

 wait was this in the Incredible Hulk

I’ve Successfully Privatised World Peace!’ ‘Fuck you, Mr Stark.’

 They got Garry Shandling in these movies!

The Suitcase Suit

 Now that is a cool-ass adaptation.

Black Widow Kicks Asses

 Yeah, after a whole movie of being reductive eye-candy she was still reductive eye-candy here. But the scene as a whole’s basically a perfect realisation of her moves in the comics, and showed Marvel were capable of doing someone who wasn’t Iron Man. Then they did EVERYYYYOONNNNNNEEE bonus points for Happy taking out that one guy and yelling ‘I got him!’

Tony and Rhodey in the Japanese Gardens

 Look, they just look cool, OK? No one said this was going to be deep.

Tony and Pepper as the Stark Expo Explodes

 They haven’t managed a lot of great romance, but this one hella works: Tony’s overblown mess of a movie expo exploding behind the true love of his life is a visual so great that Shane Black nicked it wholesale for the climax of Iron Man Three: Christmas in Croydon.

The Frost Giant Throwdown

 Wait, what’s happening? I thought these were the movies where Jeff Bridges rode a Segway? Are we in SPAAAAACCCCCEEEE?

Thor Can’t Pull It Off

 Out of the big three Thor’s arc of mythology to humanity might be the deepest and most satisfying of all. That starts here with his tearful inability to be worthy of his father, his world and, crucially, himself, leading directly into the first great Thor/Loki exchange, then a whole host of movies that eventually put him through the emotional wringer to self-acceptance. Hopefully?

Thor and Loki Battle on the Rainbow Bridge

 Yeah, it looks kind of goofy, but this is pure sixties Kirby, shorn of the irony the series would develop later. Beautiful.

Erskine Points To Cap’s Heart

 That’s it. That’s the character.

The Star Spangled Man!

 Who’ll hang a noose on the goose-stepping goons from Berliiiin?

That Whole War Montage That Ends With Bucky Falling From The Train

 Just smash after smash after smash of wartime Cap goodness that we’d never see again, ending with the ‘death’ that’d define the rest of his story. Steve lost as much as Thanos in his quest for peace but, y’know, he wasn’t a total fucking intergalactic dick about it.

‘I gotta put her in the water!’

 Man alive he waited for that date... whether you think the ending of Endgame ruins the moment somewhat (it doesn’t. sort of), this was still the biggest heart-tugger in the MCU at that point, and defined the characters of Cap and Peggy for years to come. Watch Agent Carter! Just bloody watch it!

'Lemme Put You On Hold’

 The stand out moment of The Avengers is basically all of it, but let’s start with the moment Black Widow finally becomes a character, a sequence of broad-strokes skill from Scarlett Johansson and Joss Whedon that begged for a movie she finally got way too long later. Bonus points for possibly the greatest Coulson reaction shot in a history of great reaction shots.

The Helicarrier Ascends

 OK, shit – this is series is big now.

The Whole of Stuttgart

 Whedon’s love of classical posh entertainment is seen in Angel’s superior ballet episode and his fondness for Sondheim, and he even gets a bit of the ol’ jewellery rattling in here in a perfectly pitched Loki-loving sequence that culminates in some fantastic bits for Cap before Iron Man AC/DC’s all over the place. This is where the comic book stuff really kicks off.

‘YOU COME HOME!’

 This Hemsworth’s fella’s really got something...

Forest Bro Down

 Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. The first real Avengers mash-up is just wonderful. This is where the wish-fulfilment really begins, in a quiet clearing, where three superheroes nearly beat the shit out of each other in classic comic-book style. The Avengers assembled.

The Whole Fuckin’ Helicarrier Sequence

 An absolute masterpiece of blockbuster juggling that had never been done before, this could be the third act of any other film. Over what plays out weirdly like a piece of theatre we get terrifying Hulks, mewling quims and awesome heroics, all expertly laced with wonderful character mash-ups and action we’d never seen before. Then Coulson dies. This is what Joss Whedon does.

‘There was an idea…’

 Fuck shit yeah there was, and it made for a hell of an Infinity War trailer six years later.

ALL OF NEW YORK

 Yep, all of it, but if we’re being picky it’s Hulk v Loki for the comedy side, the tracking shot for the action. As a sequence it’s never been bettered in the MCU, even in the open-mouthed joy-gush of Infinity War and Endgame. FIGHT ME

Go Fish

 Iron Man Three is a wonderful movie that works best as the sum of its parts, but there’s one bit that’s up there with the pantheon: the sky-diving rescue above the bay is such a joyous subversion of the usual third-act super-fisticuffs that it’s like something out of a 70’s Superman movie, only with a hilarious capper at the end where Iron Man explodes under a truck. Beep beep!

Running the Lemurian Star

 The Russo Brother’s action calling-card for their incredible MCU run, this sets up their vision of Cap’s super-subtle-super-serum-super-moves. From the off it’s a game changer in the way action’s shot across the MCU, clean-cut raid-alikes becoming the order of the day. AND THEN HE FIGHTS BATROC ZE LEAPER

Elevator Throwdown

 Yeah, yeah, we all know the actual bit in the elevator that’s spoofed to tremendous effect come Endgame, but remember this sequence ends with Cap TAKING DOWN A FUCKING QUINJET SINGLE-HANDED. The look on his face at the end says it all.

The Winter Soldier Street Fight

HE FLICKS A KNIFE MID PUNCH

Come and Get Your Love

 We’d seen a lot of cool shit from the MCU by this point, but this was something else again. It’s funny! It’s funny as fuck! What the fuck is this movie? And again, they know their own best bits: the return to this in Endgame is top drawer. What a moron.

The Kyln Sequence

 This whole breakout is the Guardians at their very best; squabbling in space, reluctant teamwork, loads of cool shit and leg theft. The bit where it all goes anti-grav is a treat.

WE ARE GROOT

 That’s it. That’s the movie.

…Stark…

 It’s a shame they didn’t delve deeper into Scarlet Witch’s hatred for the man who murdered her parents, but her barely contained rage is the keystone for Age of Ultron: deeper, nastier, more questioning of it’s heroes and their heroism. This one they brought on all by themselves.

Sun’s Gettin’ Real Low

 Yeah, maybe it’s for the best the slightly bumbled Hulktasha relationship was forgotten about, but this moment was pivotal in the character development of both. Beautifully shot, and leads to a primo Ragnarok gag.

Lift That Hammer

 You genuinely could have made a whole movie of these characters hanging out at an open bar. The Stan cameo’s great, the War Machine story bit gets an Endgame alien planet boost much later, but it’s the drunken worthiness competition that’s the real highlight, a seemingly fun throwaway that actually almost single-handedly sets up the whole character of Vision and the most fist-pumping moment of Endgame, a movie nearly entirely composed of fist-pumping moments.

Hulk vs Hulkbuster

 Pure comic-book wish fulfilment again, and how. From Hulk spitting out a tooth to Tony desperately pleading ‘go to sleep go to sleep go to sleep’, this mad clash of science pals knocks every Transformers movie straight through a freshly-bought-building. Veronica!

Well Done.

 Alright, Vision’s no one’s favourite Avenger, but he’s one who’s the satisfying product of several movie plots, one beloved supporting AI and the combined brains, magic and cool red capes of his team. Whedon performs his own mad-skillz level script trick to make us accept this fucking weirdo, first by giving him Jarvis’ voice, then having him stare out at a world and see his reflection in it, then having him lift an unliftable character-establishment hammer. None of this could be done by any other film series.

The Geometry of Belief

 Ultron’s climactic church-a-maggedon is short but perfect, a swirling mass of splash-page insanity that culminates in a glorious trinity of Vision, Iron Man and Thor blasting the shit out of their mad son like a magic triangle. The Avengers at their peak.

Vision and Ultron Have a Chat

 Whedon pops out these gems of detached humanism from time to time, and his sundown final exchange between The Avenger’s success and failure is a doozy. The most poetic little scene in the whole MCU, voiced by two creatures who look like nightmarish dildos. ‘A thing isn’t beautiful because it lasts’ is an all-timer.

Big Bathtub

 Ant Man’s bedrock might be its family values, but it’s the shrinking that makes it stand out. The first time Scott drops into tiny-town is a Pixar-esque fun-burst akin to Stephen Strange’s nutso jump into infinity later, with deadly bath taps, thunderclap vacuum cleaners and mid-day apartment raves (?) all bringing a new level of threat and adventure to a series already teeming with variety. They should carry these ones on foreverrrrr

Cassie’s Room

 There’s something about this scene that sums up Scott’s whole character and hopefully sets up his daughter for future ant shenanigans: he is (was) unique as a hero with a family, and no matter how many Pym Particles he stuffs into his suit he’s always looked like a giant to his daughter. Plus, y’know, Thomas the Tank Engine.

Some Guy Crashes a Car at Night

 The catalyst for the great middle schism. Civil War is a masterclass of twisting, gut-churning reveals, and this is the quiet moment that starts it all.

QUEENS

 The perfect Marvel character, introduced into the perfect realisation of the Marvel Universe, perfectly.

Running Into Each Other At The Airport

LITTLE MAN IS BIG NOW I’M CLINT WE HAVEN’T MET YET I DON’T CARE WHERE YOU FROM KID QUEENS BROOKLYN I’M YOUR CONSCIENCE WE HAVEN’T SPOKEN IN A WHILE YOU GUYS KNOW THAT OLD MOVIE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK HOW OLD IS THIS KID ETC ETC OH MY GOD MY BRAIN HAS EXPLODED

Cap vs Iron Man

 ‘I don’t care. He killed my mom.’  

The Big Brain Burst

 They keep doing bits to expand themselves, and this is one of the best, with the most potential for the future. Fleeting, but dazzling.

New York Mirror Fest

 If the next Strange movies delve into this deranged nonsense then they could end up the greatest of all of them. This is the tip of the iceberg, and it’s still unlike anything else being done in mainstream cinema.

Mr Blue Sky

 In a movie that frequently reaches big and misses, at least it hits the spot at the beginning. This glorious celebration of family, space-craziness and genre subversion is everything Guardians does best. The Gamora / Groot bit is adorable.

Peter’s Civil War Adventure

 The perfect tone-setter for the story’s most-average joe, this ground-level view of the universe’s biggest clash acts as a whippet quick intro to Peter Parker’s world in the big bad MCU. It’s always a thrill to see him where he belongs.

The Homage to Getting Buried Under a Tonne of Crap

 Homecoming’s riffs on classic Spidey-lore are generally pretty subtle, but when it comes time to show what Peter’s really made of Watts rips directly from the best, first with the iconic Parker/Spidey face split and then with him holding up a whole fucking building like he’s nerd Hulk or something. The added ‘come on Spider-Mans’ are the adorable icing on the homage-o-cake.

Anytime That Immigrant Song Plays

Another!

Thor vs Hulk

 Yeah, it’s not perfect and it’s a little CGIey. But it’s Thor fighting the Hulk in a fucking galactic gladiator arena place run by Jeff Goldblum and it smashes and it’s full of fun callbacks to previous movies. Yes! That’s what it feels like!

Thor and Loki Do Get Help

 The perfect encapsulation of Waititi’s irreverent-but-with-tonnes-of-heart freshgasm on the story of Thor, this bit of hilarious dumb shit acts as amusing action beat and neat character resolution all in one. They’re friends again! They’re brothers! Thor throws him around like a rolled up carpet!

What Are You The God of Again?

 Oh right, so he’s the best Avenger now.

Killmonger in the Afterlife

 The bloody heart of the most emotional Marvel movie, when Erik Killmonger enters the Wakandan afterlife he finds himself in his own tiny Compton apartment, exiled with his father forever with the plains of eternity just out of reach beyond the window. Heartbreaking, and brilliant.

Thanos Arrives

 The opening of Infinity War is another example of their absolute mastery of tone; after the megaton funblast of Ragnarok we’re thrown into the end of that movie being ripped apart, before Thanos appears, dragging a battered Thor into frame, beats seven shades of green shit out the Hulk and murders two beloved supporting characters, all without breaking a sweat. If you weren’t excited before you were now.

New York Tussle

 The opening New York section of Infinity War is all very clever, acting as the only grounding Earthy moment in what’s a pretty out-there narrative in terms of existential stakes. You get Tony and Wong helping people off the sidewalk and Strange winking after halting the space-death-machine, but from there on out it’s full-bore comic-book smackdown fun, clashing characters who’ve never met and providing top-drawer banter about wizards and children’s parties. This is the page, up there on screen.

BRING ME THANOS!

 BRING ME THANOS!

The Thanos Fight

 Jesus fucking Christ. Up there with the end of Avengers and the Civil War airport battle, this is a perfect realisation of superhero action, with a bigger dose of high-level insanity courtesy of the Infinity Stones and Doctor Strange. Sublimely realised, incredibly satisfying, with real weight and thought put into the spectacle, it’s also fantastic in the narrative of the film, the culmination of its themes of desperation and inevitability. The first time you saw them try to rip off the gauntlet was unbearable.

The Snap

 Well, yeah. You’ll never get back the first time you saw this. And imagine seeing it as a fucking kid.#

Just a Girl

 Sure the big level-up CGI fest at the end is good, but it’s the comedy smackdown on the Kree ship that’s the most satisfying part of Captain Marvel, the shit-eating joy on Carol’s face as she discovers she’s way more powerful than the assholes who’ve been holding her back. It’s corny sure, but it’s hella fun.

Thor Goes For The Head

 Endgame is a shocking, disorientating blur to begin with, all the characters you loved acting in strange, desperate ways in a super-hero version of post-traumatic stress disorder. Tony’s meltdown is bad enough, but it’s when Thor just straight up fucking murders Thanos that you know this is going to get dark and serious. It doesn’t, it remembers it’s a Marvel movie, but the shot of him walking out into the blurred alien sun, cape aflutter, is a fitting goodbye to a more innocent time of heroics.

Ant Man and Cassie

 A moment that could be worthy of a whole movie itself, a desperate Scott Lang meeting his five-years-older daughter gives a joke character a serious moment in the same way Infinity War did for Guardians. It’s very odd, very sweet and very Marvel.

Love You 3000

 Morgan H. Stark is almost a little too on the nose as a wrap-up for Tony, but hell, she’s still sweet as all hell and a perfect capper to his story of fatherhood and responsibility. It’s a mark of the work they’ve put in that we’ll almost immediately accept the tired trope of kid-taking-over-mantle when she inevitably puts on the armour in a few years.

Steve and Peggy / Tony and Howard

 This is the bit in Endgame where I finally started tearing up: a lot of it is too-neat fan-service, but fuck it, they’ve put in so much effort that it works. This is the scene where you realise both of these long arcs are coming to an end, the resolution of Steve quietly making his decision to go back to Peggy and Tony getting the closer of discussing parenthood with his unknowing father. It’s corny sure, but so are comic books, and setting the whole bit at the height of seventies Marvel Comics mania is a loving nod to the imaginations that made all these crazy possibilities possible.

Widow and Hawkeye

 There’s a theme here. All of these moments are kind of cheesy and rely heavily on callbacks to previous bits… but at the moment it doesn’t matter because ENDGAME WOW. Maybe we’ll look back at it as a corny misstep, but for the moment, Clint and Tasha having one last, ludicrously overblown tussle for who gets to live is a sweet capper that never goes as deep as the others because they’re supporting characters. It still stings, and it’s a neat mirror to Gamora and Thanos in Infinity War. The red’s gone from her ledger! It’s on the rocks! Urrrgh

Nebula Kills Herself

 Again, they’re so good that they can spend a big chunk of time in what’s ostensibly the last big movie for their most beloved characters on making a lesser character beloved. Endgame spotlights Nebula even more than Infinity War did Gamora, using her self-hatred and fear of her father for compelling, wibbly-wobbly plot and character beats. The resolution of her story and her newfound place with her team should make for a whole different Guardians before we even get to Fortnite-Thor joining up.

Cap Wields The Hammer

 ‘I KNEW IT!’

Thanos’ Army

 One last escalation of scale. When Thanos’ army finally arrives it’s like something out of those apocalyptic Turner paintings, where the hordes of a ship-wrecked hell confront eternity under skies ripped from heaven. Only this time they’re facing one guy called Steve, and they’re fucked. Incredible.

Avengers… Assemble

 It almost lives up to what you always had in your head. The Marvel Universe, somehow done right.

Tony Hugs Peter Back

Awwww!

New Avengers Run the Gauntlet

 A surprising amount of Endgame’s grand finale is given over to the future hopes; while Strange gets stuck in with holding back a Biblical flood it’s up to Black Panther to grab the Infinity Gauntlet from Clint in a delightful callback to Civil War, before embarking on an intense relay race across the entire battlefield that begins with Scarlet Witch crushing the shit out of Thanos’ testicles and ends with Captain Marvel engaging the Mad Titan in a bone-crushing show of super-strength. And along the way if finds time to have Peter Parker dragged through the air by Thor’s hammer which was thrown by Captain America before landing on a Pegasus flown by Valkryie across an exploding sky of alien whales. Maybe the most satisfying run of action since the first Avengers.

I am Iron Man

 It was always going to be him really. Bonus points for Downey Jr. originally telling Thanos to ‘Fuck off’. Did anyone else keep thinking he was going to wake up and quip and everything would be OK? That’s how you make movies.

The Funeral

 It looks a little weird actually, like they weren’t all on set. But they were! The Marvel Universe again, holy smokes.

The Kiss

 Now that’s how you end ten years and twenty one movies. They’re movies! It was romantic! It was exciting! It was fun!

For TEN FUCKING YEARS.

Swing a Ding Ding Sir

 After five movies of fresh shit they've finally starting dumping some classic Spider-Man on us; the Euro stuff's fun and all, but it's Far From Home delirious climax that sees Spidey and MJ thwipping through the canyons of New York before bumping into ugly ol' J. Jonah JJ Jay Jay likes it's a freakin' comic book or something. Delightful, and also serves as a wonderful image of hope and joy post-Endgame.

What a fuckin’ ride. Here’s to the next... seventy six? Seventy seven?

wait did I leave any out

[bilbopaggins]

1. What's the weirdest dream you've ever had? I don't know

2. If you could travel to any year in a time machine, what year would you choose and why? 2010. Life was easier then and I was pretty happy

3. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My weight

4. What's one of the most fun childhood memories you have? My mom took my brothers, sister, and I to the library, a museum and then an old book store and then we went out for icecream.

5. If you could have dinner with a famous person (living or dead), who would you choose? Sylvia plath

6. What's your favorite movie to watch over and over again?

Ever after or clueless

7. What's your favorite season of the year?

Fall

8. Who is your celebrity crush?

Paul rudd, Leonardo dicaprio, Kate Winslet, and Sharon stone

9. What's your biggest fear?

Dying

10. What's the wildest thing you've ever done?

Had sex in public

11. What's the best advice you've ever received? You deserve the love you try to give to others

12. What's a bad habit you had that you've been able to overcome? Drinking

13. What's your dream road trip destination?

I'd love to go oregon

14. What's your favorite food of all time?

Potatoes

15. What are three items on your bucket list?

Visit Japan, have a threesome, have public sex at a music festival

16. What's your biggest regret?

Starting drinking

17. What's your favorite thing about yourself?

My sense of style

18. What's the weirdest thing in your closet?

I've got a lot of weird shit, man

19. If you had to guess what people appreciate about you the most, what would you say? My kindness

20. What's your dream job?

Something where I'm self-employed

21. If you could be a part of a family on any TV show, which family would you choose?

Fraiser

22. Of all the personal questions I could ask you, what's one you wouldn't want to answer? How many sexual partners have you had

23. What's your biggest pet peeve when it comes to social media? When people are super fake or when people feel emboldened to become an asshold because they are anonymous

24. Who's your favorite character from literature? Ender Wiggins from ender's game

25. What's an activity that you do not find fun at all? Small talk. I fucking hate it

26. What's your favorite color to wear?

Pink or blue

27. What's your favorite type of dessert?

Chocolate

28. What's the worst lie you ever told as a kid? I said my grandma with dementia told me it was ok to put foil in the microwave. That was a lie. I was too young to know it was bad and I blamed her 😭

29. Who in your family are you closest to?

My youngest brother

30. What's your favorite sport to play and why? Esports cuz I'm uncoordinated and suck at regular sports

31. If we were in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, who are three people you'd want on your team? My partner, goku, and zoro from one piece

32. If you were an ice cream flavor, what would it be? Spicy cucumber

33. What's your favorite song to sing in the shower? Baby, one more time

34. What's one thing your mom or dad doesn't understand about you? My dad doesn't understand my atheism or socialist ideals or my mental health conditions or the fact that I'm bi and not a republican

35. If you had a kid, what would you name it?

Charles "vegeta nooooo!" Jr

Or if it's a girl, Devon or Dylan

36. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yeah

37. What was your first kiss like?

I don't remember tbh. Don't even remember who it was with. Drugs are bad, mkay?

38. What was your best kiss like?

It was hottt

39. What's your idea of a perfect date?

Going hiking, doing drugs, and then a bonfire with acoustic guitar

40. What are three things you are looking for in a partner? Loyalty, they make me laugh, and they have similar interests and ideals

41. What makes you automatically swipe left on a person? Anyone who is a republican

42. Have you ever experienced true love?

Yes. I have it now ❤️

43. If you had a conversation with your ex, what's a question you'd want to ask them?

I'm friends with my ex. I'd ask why he's trying to get me to join his mlm 😅

44. What are the most frequently used emojis in text conversations? ❤️🤣😊🍆🍑💦

45. What's the wildest thing you've ever done to get someone's attention? I auditioned for a play because a boy I liked was in it. I didn't get the part 🤣🤣🤣

46. What's your biggest fear when it comes to relationships? Abandonment

47. What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done in front of someone you like? Got really drunk and said stupid shit

48. Do you find first dates fun or stressful?

Stressful af. I hate dating

49. What's your favorite movie couple and why? Cher and Josh from clueless because it's unconventional and sweet

50. What's your favorite place to take a significant other? The public Japanese garden near my house

51. Whose relationship do you admire and why? I don't know

52. At what point in a relationship do you think it's time to go public on social media?

Lol. All that shit's dumb. Who cares?

53. What's your biggest turn on?

I'm a brat and I like being dominated

54. What's your biggest turn off?

Being too pushy or acting entitled to sex

55. What's your favorite thing in life?

Anime and cocaine

56. What was the last flirty text you sent?

A picture

57. What's the worst thing about being single? sleeping alone.

58. What's the best thing about being single?

Being able to do whatever you want with no explanation

59. Would you consider yourself a hopeless romantic? Yes

60. At this point in your life, would you prefer a casual relationship or a serious relationship? Serious. I'm ready to get married and want a family

61. What's the hardest part about being in a long-term relationship? Trying to compromise without compromising yourself

62. If you were getting married, would you write your own vows? Hell yeah

63. What's your biggest regret when it comes to a past relationship, specifically? Not being more forthright

64. How do you get over a breakup?

Focus on yourself, have a good support network, a good playlist, and some shows to binge watch

65. What meme best represents your life?

66. Would you rather love and lose, or never love at all? Never love at all

67. After a disagreement, do you initiate the makeup conversation or wait for your S.O.?

It depends

68. How many people have you told "I love you" to in a romantic context?

Like 3

[panickedmarklee]

Soft Bias Tag 💕

i was tagged on my main account (@someplacewitty ) by my love and queen @wereseoyoung but i felt like this would fit better here so here we go!

Who is your bias? So i guess i’ll go with my first ever bias was jungkook because my first ever kpop group was bts and how could i not fall for the golden maknae?? 

What made you notice them? Besides his literally flawless voice (except when it cracked bc he was going through puberty in that one interview and all the boys laughed at him lol rip) I noticed his smile / laugh and he gets all crinkly and cute and looks so soft and it makes me so soft 

What’s your favorite thing about them? i love love love his beauty marks especially the one under his lower lip i wanna smooch ok 

Who would initiate skinship more? okay but like we all know jungkook is highkey awkward that ab flash in fake love changes nothing so like i feel like at first / in public definitely more because he just wouldn’t know what to do but i bet this boy would love some night time cuddles and more private skinship you know? 

Who would hog the blankets ? JUNGKOOK IS A LIL BRAT WE ALL KNOW IT SO YEAH THAT LIL BUN WILL TOTALLY HOG THE BLANKETS AND HES SO BIG THERE WOULD BE NOTHING I COULD DO AND HE’D LOVE IT 

Who would be more clingy? Like i said earlier, i bet he loves his cuddles but honestly so do i so i feel like we would both just come home and envelope each other and not let go lol.

Who would say ‘i love you’ first? I’d say it like five times within the first minute of meeting him tbh 

Who would be more easily flustered? if i ever got asked about him and we were together i would so blush and get so happy because how could that even happen he so perfect but like if we were out together or with the boys and i gave him a peck on the cheek? he’d turn tomato red ok 

What cuddling position would you have? i’ve already said that we’re both cuddly and honestly any cuddles would do. idk that i’m a smol and he’s a tol i’ll be big spoon if he need me to, i’ll let him lay on me, i’d let him lean back between my legs too. on the other hand, i’d curl up on his lap when he plays video games, we’d wake up face to face holding eachother all tightly, i’d rest my head on his perfect chest and let him play w my hair. i don’t care i just lovE skinship okay pls hold me @ anyone

Which color reminded you of them?  black because he looks so good in black?? and his hair is always dark and usually black and i love it so much and that’s that i guess 

What Season would you like to spend with them? fall for sure because cute cafe dates and i’d steal his sweaters and we could take my dog for walks on nice walks when the leaves are all pretty lol i’m sorry i’m so soft 

Which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react? look i’m constantly saying dumb stuff and i feel like jungkook is one of the few people who would actually think i’m funny. and if he made puns i would absolutly die of laughter bc he would get all smiley and excited before even finishing it and i will NOT disappoint my mans no matter how awful the pun is. 

Who Would bake cookies and who would steal the batter? Hi yes i live for cooking i am THE mom friend i literally make people come over just to make stuff for them so def me and also do you remember the sweet potato incident? or when he broke the coffee machine? i would give him a spoonful on batter in hopes that it would keep my lil brat distracted so he didn’t do something 

 Who would want to adopt 50 dogs and cats? we all know that i love my pup so much she is my whole world and jungkook loves doggos too so we probably would have to have like rm constantly telling us that we didn’t need another animal everytime we saw a cute one (we won’t listen tho sry joonie) 

Which one of you would nearly burn down the kitchen trying to microwave a poptart and who came to the rescue? first of all people microwave poptarts??? since when?? but also junkook probably up getting a late night snack and falling asleep waiting while it was in the microwave and i’d wake up to the sound of beeping and smoke and just sigh bc again kookie?? 

Who likes to lean of trail railings and who has to pull them back? look i’m not afraid of height but i am alwaYS stressed when people lean over railings at high hieghts and i would defintily have to constantly pull him back

What would watching a horror movie with them be like? i’m pretty unaffected by them like i would always have to shelter my ex-best friend when we watched them and junkook is fairly brave like remember him trying to act uneffected during the zombie run episode? well anyways i feel like he would try to not outwardly be scared but would jump and try to play it off but at ever scary part would slowly curl more and more up into me lol 

who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt? i feel like again it’d be a bit of a mix like yes junkook is a awkward dweeb sometimes but that cheeky grin when he says “jimin-ssi” is so cute and once he got confidant he would totally try to be more smooth but still say lame stuff for the giggles. and as we’ve established i’m highkey the lame mom friend but also i flirt w people i’m comfortable with or am trying to get on the good side of (i flirt w my friends parents shamelessly and my friends hate me for it lol) 

Who is more competitive? look i suck at video games but i also don’t care that i suck and we know our dweeb kookie loves his video games so i feel like we’d play together and he’d be like “whY aren’t you doing something” and i’d just shrug like “jus wanna see how long i can run in a straight line before getting merked” 

Who would have to be given constant reminders (to eat, don’t forget your keys, etc.) ? i, the certified mom friend who already does this for so many people, would have to constatly remind him to take care of hismelf. remember that one scene in burn the stage? i really really wanted to hold him and make sure he drank plenty of waters and make sure that never happened to him again 

who sends memes and who says ‘i miss you texts’? don’t get me wrong, i love memes more then anything, but i feel like mine wouldn’t hold a candle to jungkooks lol. plus, i’m soft as hell already soo. 

I tag @dim-the-lights-now-girl @yestodayayayay and whoever else would like to give this a try! it’s fun and you totally should!