#like the date of may’s death was stated as like 5 different days at various points

[thompsborn]

“He dreams of people who have died and wonders if they miss him, too.”

literally why has no one TRACKED ME DOWN and PHYSICALLY PUNCHED ME becuase of the emotional turmoil this fic causes. i’m in PAIN. i’m also VERY proud of the fact that i wrote this but also it HURTS

“Iron Man suits double as caskets and Queens is a synonym with gravestones bearing the names of his only family” and other shit i wrote into homeward bound and COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT to the point that rereading homeward bound from the start and coming across this line made me GASP in PAIN

[rabbitcruiser]

Vernal/Spring Equinox

The March Equinox is an annual celebration that occurs on March 20. In the Northern Hemisphere, the March Equinox is referred to as the vernal equinox. It marks the start of Spring in the Northern Hemisphere and the autumn season in the Southern Hemisphere. It marks the Sun’s crossing above the Earth’s equator, moving from south to north. Like all equinoxes, the March equinox is distinctive in that it has almost exactly the equal amount of daylight and nights across many latitudes of Earth.

History of March Equinox

Wherever you may be on Earth, the equinox brings us several seasonal effects which have been noticeable to nature lovers around the globe for years. The word ‘equinox’ originates from two Latin words: ‘aequus’ meaning equal and ‘nox’ meaning night. The literal meaning is ‘equal night.’ Our ancestors, who had far less precise timekeeping than we do, believed that night and day were equal. But today we know this is not true.

People have been celebrating the March Equinox for centuries and since it is associated with spring the festivals tend to celebrate fertility and agriculture. The Romans used this day to celebrate their goddess Cybele who has driven around in a chariot drawn by lions. Ancient Persia in roughly 550 B.C., celebrated the vernal equinox as Nowruz, their New Year. Modern Iranians still celebrate this time as their New Year. During the era of the Shang Dynasty, which ruled China from 1600 to 1046 B.C., it was believed that the spring equinox marked a mythic beginning, a type of ‘start of their line.’ Jews in the 12th Century believed that the spring equinox marked the day in the year in which the Biblical plague that turned Egypt’s water into blood occurred.

The festival of ‘Holi’ is the March equinox festival in India. This is celebrated in honor of various Hindu deities and legends. It signals the triumph of Good vs Evil, the most notable being the legend of Krishna and Rhada. Ancient cultures had great awareness of nature, the seasons, and the movement of the celestial bodies. Many built sites that had a glaringly obvious use: that of a calendar. These were often aligned to display shafts of sunlight during solstices and equinoxes. Examples of these are Chichen Itza in Mexico, Mnajdra Temples in Malta, and Stonehenge in England.

March Equinox timeline

Before the year 68 B.C.The Sun Lines Up in Aries

The sun lines up with Aries on the spring equinox but in 2567 the sun will line up with the constellation Aquarius.

2700 B.C.The Egyptian Easter Monday

Sham el-Nessim is an ancient Egyptian holiday that can be traced back to 2700 B.C.

1582The Gregorian Calendar Created

The Gregorian calendar is created and is based on the March equinox, falling from March 11 to March 21, the date it occurred in 325 CE.

1948Japanese Make Holiday Secular

In Japan, those who practiced Shintoism used the March equinox to honor their ancestors.

March Equinox FAQs

What happens during the March equinox?

During this time the Sun will cross the celestial equator from the south to the north.

What is the spiritual meaning?

Tradition states that this is the time to cleanse out old energy at home and with oneself.

Why is equinox important?

Equinox is important because it points to changing seasons.

March Equinox Activities

Spring Clean

Do some gardening

Visit ancient sites

The March equinox is the perfect time to give your house an overhaul. Start by decluttering your house.

Growth symbolizes triumph over death and being reborn therefore it has become a tradition to plant seeds at this time of the year. Add some colorful flowers to your garden to celebrate spring.

Various ancient sites are linked to March equinox celebrations and traditions. Pack a bag, call a friend or two and set out on an adventure.

5 Facts About The March Equinox

The sun rises and sets the fastest

Spring occurs on two different days

It’s Mother's day

It marks the middle of Spring

It signals the start of a festival

The fastest sunsets and sunrises occur during this time of the year.

There are two different calendars: the astronomical and the meteorological calendar. If we go by the astronomical calendar, spring will fall on March 20 but if we go by the other, spring will occur on March 1.

In Arab countries, Mother's Day is often observed on the March equinox.

In East Asian countries the March equinox marks the halfway point of spring.

Boatyard employees and sailboat owners in the U.S hold the Burning of the Socks festival where socks are burnt to celebrate the warmer weather.

Why We Love March Equinox

It is celebrated around the world

It signals new beginnings

Days are longer

The March equinox is celebrated by many cultures around the world. We love that it has a unifying factor.

The March equinox symbolizes growth and new beginnings. It is a clear marker of the change from winter to spring.

Along with longer days, the weather starts to warm up as well. Nature reflects this change with the blooming of new flowers and plants.

Source

[jonathankatwhatever]

It’s 5:25AM on 8 Dec 2023, and I’m trying to read the cat’s mind, which is impossible because he doesn’t know it himself. I think he may actually just want to stare out the window. I sat down to give him space to make a decision, and it’s a bit of affection and staring out the window for rabbits. I know the last part because I chased away a few when I was outside with him at 4:35. There are a lot of rabbits now that the coyotes have killed the feral cats.

I just did the best physical stretches since I was a child: I got into a variety of really deep squats from the perspective of first completely folding over and then dropping the hips while bent all the over, and then getting into various positions to rise from. Like one was with the weight centered at the point in the foot where it hinges so I drove my body up timed to the lifting of the rib cage, emulating a ski jumper coming off the slope on the big hill, trying to get that snap and thus force into the movement, experienced as smooth and continuous rather than as bang it happened. A quickie. My mind and sexuality. A quickie can take many forms. What does that mean? A quickie can be for the effect, for the release of a tension which is enacting, which perhaps is being displaced into the act and thus action. A quickie can enact intimacy within a relationship, so there’s a grabbed moment which shares the attribute of being different because you can’t choose your relatives but you can choose whom you are intimate with and the degree to which that intimacy runs and to which it is kept a mutual secret.

Another form is the stolen moment. These are all recognized literary tropes. I can’t make up new ones because the universe we know is finite, is constructed, and thus has a history. That’s why this entire over-turning of history conception is truly the devil’s work. It’s a refusal to accept results. Like if Dewey were still contesting the loss to Truman. Like it’s a rematch between Ali and. Frazier. Don’t you love my dated references? You can attach newer ones. The first is obviously Trump, so the idea is to imagine that Truman and Dewey were immortal and each election is between them because they each refuse to accept defeat. You can see the Alternation there, meaning refusal to accept defeat continues a state of conflict, a perpetual war which breaks out from time to time, You can thus see the choice.

I’ve been waiting for a big leap in Storyline because the huge simplifications of the last few days carry implications which need to be expressed in Storyline. And this time it went: they talk and she talks independently about how she studied him, and I could see this now from the 2 sides, which is clearly (!) an expression of the 2Square conception described yesterday. That deserves another ! That is, the orthogonal 2Square expresses into and maps to the 1Square scale. One way is that the walls are 1Square, so the orthogonal value of 2Square flips open to the image of a gs. This just takes the inversion idea, stands it straight at you so you can see anything but the one End, then flips it open. All those states exist because we have these scales. Another approach is older than the Pythagoreans, that value of the squares of sides can be laid out alongside the line, as though the other 3 lines were there even though you only drew a triangle. The only way that can happen is if we have the orthogonal state and treat that as rotated, and of course rotated back because that communicates the identity. This kind of mechanics is necessary because these are all constructions.

Cross-identification. Isn’t that interesting. Already redefined the Jesus story so it becomes the expression of the female giving birth confronting the impossibility of that happening, so the death is the sacrifice of the mother, which is also then literalized into the Mary stories. So it tacks on to the trope of the mother dying at childbirth, with all the orphan stories and family and step-family stories, etc.

Another form of ‘reverse squat’ becomes the bottom of a deep squat where the weight is on the full foot but forward onto the balls of the feet, but not over to the toes. These are the anti-chains we described years ago. We proved their existence as part of the construction of Triangular over gs because that cross-identifies, and that cross-identification requires pathways which actually connect or which approach in ways taken to connect. That latter is the gap or delta effect of 0-1-0. It’s what we often think of as renormalization, and I think that may clarify what that is: measurements are of something and that something is an End, meaning a construction, a union which Attaches structures. Example is that hatreds of people, particularly of Jews, are flips of the Attachments. The process is like described yesterday: take the positive contributions, note that they don’t fix you, say they’re holding you back, are plotting against you, so you identify the hatred within you with the hate of them because they aren’t perfect, etc.

OK, so to not stop on that note, I looked in the mirror while the cat was out and noticed a few obvious ‘errors’ which I cut away, thinking about how what I liked before now isn’t as finished as I thought it was, but that it’s getting better because I looked at the guy there and he looked like the combination of characteristics I’ve always wanted to see.

[kemetic-dreams]

What is the origin of Habesha term? What it means? Did Aksumites call themselves Habesha or Habash or was the term referred to them by foreigners (Arabs)? I like to hear Ethiopians and Yemenis opinions.

Amanuel Tesfaye, lived in Ethiopia

Its origin is uncertain. It may be foreign term which started to apply to different people during the recent Monarchy era, Nobody in Ethiopia call or identify themselves with this name. Many people here will actually confuse to which group this term is applied to. If go to different locations and ask people whether they identify with this term or not, you will get controversial answer. As for the Axumites, they used to refer themselves (specially the ruling class) as Agazians/ Agazi or Ge’ez speaking people. For instance in one of the discovered trilingual stone inscription in Axum, there was a King named “Ezana’s” who concurred and expanded his kingdom. He mentioned various people/nations who were subjugated by him including the Habeshas. His lists goes like this > the 1st version follow Aezana king of Aksum, Himyar, Raydan, Habashat, Saba, Salhen, Tsiyamo, Kasu, and the Beja, and the Ge`ez version (DAE 7) reads Aksum, Himyar, Kasu, Saba, Habashat, Raydan, Salhen, Siyamo, Beja; both of these add the phrase `king of kings, son of the unconquered Mahrem' the 2nd version . . . Ella Amida, Bisi ..s.m, king of Aksum, Himyar, Raydan, Saba, Salhen, Tsiyamo, Bega and of Kasu, king of kings, son of the invincible Mahrem. He departed on campaign to re-establish his empire and put it again in order. Those who obeyed him, he spared; those who resisted him, he put to death. He came to `LBH and there came with presents SWSWT king of the Agwezat with his people, and he received his submission and he was made subject. Then he sent him away to return to his country. the 3rd version Aeizanas, king of the Aksumites, the Himyarites, Raeidan, the Ethiopians, the Sabaeans, Silei (Salhen), Tiyamo, the Beja and Kasou, king of kings, son of the unconquered god Ares It appears from the inscription that the people who were called Habashats (Ethiopians) were rather subjects and tributaries to the Axumites. Src 1 : https://www.livingston.org/cms/lib4/NJ01000562/Centricity/Domain/602/aksum.pdf Src 2 : Ezana’s Stone Inscription8

Anmol, knows English South Arabian/Sabaean origin theory Before the 20th century, the Sabean theory was the most common one explaining the origins of the Habesha. ... All uses of the term date to the 3rd century AD and later, when they referred to the people of the Kingdom of Aksum. Habesha is a term that refers to people of Ethiopian and Eritrean heritage without discriminating against tribe/ethnicity, nationality, or citizenship. It is a pan-ethnic term that includes the various ethnic groups of Ethiopia, Eritrea, and the Ethiopian-Eritrean Diaspora who live abroad. The Kingdom of Aksum (Ge'ez: መንግሥተ አክሱም), also known as the Kingdom of Axum or the Aksumite Empire, was an ancient Habesha kingdom that controlled what are now Eritrea, Northern Ethiopia, parts of Eastern Sudan and Southern Yemen at its peak. It was centralized in Northern Ethiopia, and its capital was Aksum[2] or Axum.[3] Aksumite rulers styled themselves as King of kings, king of Aksum, Himyar, Raydan, Saba, Salhen, Tsiyamo, Beja and of Kush.[4] Ruled by the Aksumites, it existed from approximately 80 BC to AD 825.[5] The polity was centered in the city of Aksum and grew from the proto-Aksumite Iron Age period around the 4th century BC to achieve prominence by the 1st century AD. Aksum became a major player on the commercial route between the Roman Empire and Ancient India. The Aksumite rulers facilitated trade by minting their own Aksumite currency, with the state establishing its hegemony over the declining Kingdom of Kush. It also regularly entered the politics of the kingdoms on the Arabian Peninsula and eventually extended its rule over the region with the conquest of the Himyarite Kingdom. The Manichaei prophet Mani (died 274 AD) regarded Aksum as one of the four great powers of his time, the others being Persia, Rome and China.[2][6][7][8] It ruled the South Arabia of Yemen for half a century in the 6th century. the 1st version follow Aezana king of Aksum, Himyar, Raydan, Habashat, Saba, Salhen, Tsiyamo, Kasu, and the Beja, and the Ge`ez version (DAE 7) reads Aksum, Himyar, Kasu, Saba, Habashat, Raydan, Salhen, Siyamo, Beja; both of these add the phrase `king of kings, son of the unconquered Mahrem'

Maha Odeh, studied at University College London The oldest attested use of the term is in Sabaean and Ancient Egyptian inscriptions. The Sabaean usage referred to a specific group of people other than the Aksumites, they used them together (Habsht & Aksum) referring to peoples in modern day East Africa. Ancient Egyptians used it in reference to the people of Punt, which is in modern day north East Sudan, Eriteria, Djibouti, and parts of Somalia. In Ancient Egyptian they used the word ḫbśtjw, that means “bearded one”. Most linguists believe the word to be of Ge’ez origin, but a few believe that it may have earlier Ancient Egyptian influence. In all cases the Sabaeans, the other Southern Semitic speaking people of ancient Yemen, and the Arabs all borrowed it from Ge’ez, the language spoken by the Habash people at the time regardless of whether there was an earlier Egyptian influence or not.

[ectonurites]

heyyy can you talk about kons dating history or atleast with older women? ive seen a few posts but im not sure but thats so ://///

Ahhh yes. Kon’s dating history, I've finally now finished reading all his solo comics (and had already gone through his team books a while back) so it’s a perfect time to delve into this. I’m kinda broadening it to his love interests in general, as not all of them put an official ‘dating’ label on things, but are still worth bringing up. This is kinda long so sorry in advance about that, but I tried to be as brief as possible.

TW for pedophilia (in these specific cases discussing a 23 year old dating a 16 year old, and another woman without a specifically given age [but clearly an adult] with the same 16 year old) obviously i’m not talking about it positively here but it’s unfortunately necessary to discuss with this topic.

I consider Kon as having five primary love interests in the pre-reboot comics world, which is where most of his dating happened. The ‘criteria’ I guess i’m using to separate them from the others i’ll talk about after is a combination of ‘they interacted for a long time’ and/or ‘the relationship had a big impact on his story/him as a person’. 

I’m also mainly sticking in pre-New 52 world for this because aside from the 'fake married to Lophi to protect her and her kid on Gemworld' thing in Young Justice 2019, he hasn't done much with relationships since getting officially reintroduced. Then the New 52 version of Kon was a very separate person and even so he was mainly just (sorta) involved with Cassie.

ANYWAYS the main five are:

Tana Moon - Tana was a 23 year old (as stated in Superboy #32) reporter Kon initially met during Reign of the Supermen, the story he debuted in (meaning she was one of the first people he met), who also happened to move back to Hawaii around the time he ended up there on his press tour. The two of them had an on and off relationship from basically the start of the comic until she broke up with him in Superboy #46. She briefly came back into his life in Superboy #72 after having been kidnapped by The Agenda, before being killed by Amanda Spence in Superboy #74. Kon and several others refer to her as his ‘first love’ especially after her death, which weighed very heavily on him.

Knockout/Kay - A woman we find out was originally one of the Female Furies, who works as a stripper at the 'Boom Boom Room’ in Hawaii while trying to keep a low-profile after leaving Apokolips. We don't get an exact age for her but she's very much so implied to be an adult. She hits on Kon from the moment she meets him (she also quite literally uses the term ‘jailbait’ to describe him in her first appearance in Superboy #1) and kisses him several times, insisting on working with him and training him and eventually beginning a more formal relationship with him. She kills someone and he blindly defends her thinking she couldn’t have done it, and she tries to coerce him into killing someone by promising herself to him (before killing the guy herself when Kon wouldn’t do it). The arc mainly focused on their relationship is from Superboy #22-30, but she is a presence in the comic from the start. She is arrested for the murders she committed at the end of the arc, and doesn't interact with Kon much again after as she is in a high security prison, but she is referenced multiple times.

Roxy Leech - Roxy is the daughter of Rex Leech, Kon's agent. From the moment she meets Kon, also during Reign of the Supermen like Tana, she's got a thing for him. Her age is left a bit more unclear, as some bits of dialogue indicate she is actually close to Kon's age but other things like how she applies to the police academy, something you need to be like 20 to do, indicate she's a bit older. Regardless, she’s definitely younger than Tana as she comments on her age at least once. She actively dislikes both Tana and Knockout for being interested in Kon, and confesses her feelings to him during a 'the whole world might end tonight' situation (in Superboy #33). The two of them didn't really date, but there is a period of time where Kon feels torn between Tana and Roxy. Not too long after that she ends up volunteering herself to be used in a procedure to stabilize Kon's dna after it had been torn apart by The Agenda when they cloned him, as the method to save him required someone close in age to him be used as a genetic template. From that point on they considered each other more like siblings, ending the romantic aspect of their relationship (in Superboy #41)

Serling Roquette - Serling is a 16 year old (as first stated in Superboy #57) science prodigy who works in the genetics department of Cadmus, and is the person who manages to cure Kon's condition where he'd been stuck at age 16 (a side effect from the procedure with Roxy). Initially she had a crush on Guardian, but over time grew to like Kon, she was one of the first people at Cadmus he personally tells his name ‘Kon-El’ to. They only kinda start to get together before Tana comes back and then is killed. After a situation where Roxy came back and needed help, when he and Serling try to maybe pick things up again, Kon realizes Tana’s death is still too fresh for him to get involved in anything too serious with her and he breaks it off, leaving them very tense with one another. (Superboy #82) 

Wonder Girl/Cassie Sandsmark - Cassie had an interest in Kon before she even met him, more of a celebrity crush at first than anything else. They share their first kiss in Wonder Woman #153 after she had tried to change her look to impress him and he reassured her that she was already beautiful the way she is. Cassie was present for Tana's death in Superboy #74, and after that Kon is overly protective of her in a noticeable way that actively annoyed her (She points out to him that she can take care of herself a few times, like in Young Justice #29) but eventually at the end of Young Justice (in #55) he confesses feelings for her, and they share another kiss. Graduation Day bringing about the end of Young Justice as a team kinda throws a wrench in things, but early in Teen Titans Vol. 3 they begin to date more formally, and are getting pretty serious together (cough cough they uhh consummate their relationship in the Kent farm's barn in TT Annual #1) right before Kon is killed during Infinite Crisis. She takes his death very badly and joins a cult to try to bring him back, has her whole thing with Tim (who is coping equally poorly with the death... almost 100 cloning attempts babey), and befriends Kara as a surrogate Teen Kryptonian™, but eventually learns to accept what happened and move on. Then he comes back, and everything's a lot to process all over again. She had become the team leader and things were just different than they used to be. They tried to resume their relationship but eventually Kon decided to end it (Teen Titans Vol. 3 #91), because they both wanted different things at that point in their lives, but they remained friends and teammates.

So when people are talking about the ‘older women’ thing, it should be pretty clear from that list they’re talking about Tana and Knockout. Both were adult women dating a 16 year old boy, and neither situation did enough to handle it in a way that addressed it as the problem it was. Knockout’s situation did end up being seen as a bad thing by the end because of the murder parts at the very least, but the age difference didn’t come up nearly as much. With Tana a few people (Roxy, some of Tana’s coworkers, even Tana herself) did bring up the age difference as a potential problem, but they continued to stay together for a pretty long time regardless. The kicker is that she ultimately breaks up with him for being ‘immature’ after he gets stuck at age 16, when it’s like... he’s 16. You’re 23. No kidding you think he’s immature? It was just a whole mess and makes reading a lot of his solo incredibly uncomfortable.

Additionally he has a few other shorter-lived relationships/potential love interests. I’m categorizing them separately because they weren’t focused on in the same ways/for as much time as the girls I listed above:

Trixie (Superboy #94-100) - When Kon gets his own apartment in Suicide Slum, he repeatedly runs into Trixie and the rest of the Slaughterhouse Six, but Superboy inspires her to try to turn her life around. They didn’t formally date but that was definitely the direction things were starting to head towards before his apartment building blew up and he realized he needed to get away from the city where his presence was painting a target on innocent people, and so they decided to just be friends. (This was also when his solo ended, so possibly if the book hadn’t been ending they may have continued longer)

Batgirl/Cassandra Cain (Superboy #85, Batgirl #39-41) - They first met when Kon had been bugging Tim in Gotham, and had a little adventure together that resulted in Batman being PISSED because he didn’t want Cass interacting with Metas (especially not teenage boy ones that’ll flirt with her) and Kon volunteered to share her punishment so she didn’t have to do it alone. They later meet again shortly after Kon moved in with the Kents while on a cruise (and he’s her first kiss!) and afterwards she goes to Smallville to meet him. She’s actually like the first person outside the Kents we’re shown to know his new civilian name is ‘Conner Kent’. After their little attempt at a date they decide to just stay friends.

Lori Luthor (Various appearances with Kon in Adventure Comics (2009) & Superboy Vol. 5) - When Kon and Lori initially meet there’s definitely some interest and she kisses him, but it happens while he’s still dating Cassie so he makes it clear he’s unavailable. Afterwards he learns who she actually is and realizes ‘oh she’s sorta kinda my cousin on the Luthor side’ so he stops really being interested. She’s still interested because she feels like the cloning doesn’t make them really related, and they talk about it in Superboy Vol. 5 #4 after he and Cassie had broken up, but he still feels too raw from Cassie and too weirded out by the situation to have it go anywhere. Kon helps try to get Lex to cure Lori’s mom (Lex’s sister Lena), and eventually when Lex is an ass in the end he finds another way (Some Wayne money through Tim) to try to help her. Lori figures out Conner is Superboy and along with Simon and Sujan helps him to save Smallville from the Hollow Men.

Ravager/Rose Wilson (Teen Titans Vol. 3 #95-100, kinda some parts of Superboy Vol. 6 if ya squint) - This is another of those ‘they didn’t actually date but there was interest’ situations, in the very end of Teen Titans Vol. 3. A fake version of Rose had kissed Kon which was kinda the catalyst for it, where after that moment he became a bit more protective of her once the real her returned. They had a moment where Kon tried to trust her with something (Kryptonite to take him down if the situation arose) but she saw it more as him thinking she was the one ruthless enough to do it, rather than as a token of trust, and left upset. The reboot happened before this really went anywhere/got resolved though, but interestingly enough she became a bit of a support character in the New 52 version of Kon’s life, likely because of this connection they tried to do before the reboot. They never really dated there either, he just referred to her as cute a few times. New 52 Kon is a very separate person anyways, but it’s worth mentioning.

I might be forgetting a few other minor ones along the way (especially if there’s things that weren’t in his main books), and Kon (especially in the 90′s) was the kind of guy to flirt with pretty much every girl he saw, so bear that in mind. But yeah, I hope this helps! 

[moral-turpitudes]

College Headcanons: Modern!Peaky Blinders Edition

Part 1 | Part 2

A/N: This came to me in a dream. Enjoy. 

Thomas Shelby:

Double Major: Political Science and Business Management (bc he likes to work himself to death) Minor: Military Sciences/ROTC

Likes debating and trying to outsmart the professor.

Often seen on campus with bloody knuckles from rocking someone’s jaw.

Would 100% punch a motherfucker for being mean to someone he cares about.

Doesn’t need to be in a fraternity to be known around campus, just don’t mess with him and you’ll be fine.

All the girls whisper as he walks by but he don’t give a fuck cuz he has to go to his lectures.

He’s on time for every class and pulls out his pocket watch if the professor is more than 5 minutes late. If the professor can’t bother showing up then he dips out.

Almost got suspended for one too many fist fights.

Has a “thing” for the barista at the campus Starbucks. He learned after frequent visits, that her name was Grace and that she liked black coffee just like him.

Mysterious and moody af. No one knows if they’ve ever seen him smile, except when chatting up Grace.

Tries his best to study, but ends up getting dragged into his siblings shenanigans or into his head about the family business.

Keeps to himself for the most part, except for having a few close friends.

Hates technology so he uses a typewriter and prefers receiving letters/mail over emails.

Can’t figure out how to use Grace the baristas phone when typing in his number and tells her to write it down instead.

Often tells her to meet him after her shift. 😏

Professors hate him because of his reliance on paper. Totes not eco-friendly but he doesn’t care. Tommy always gets his way.

Grace always gives him a cookie for free cuz she knows he forgets to eat.

Always seen smoking or sneaking drinks of whiskey in a flask, even at 7am lectures.

Binge drinks on weekends with his bros, and drunk calls barista Grace when he has maybe 3 working brain cells left for the night. On other weekends when he’s coherent, he meets with Polly and tries to discuss business plans since their dad dipped out like a bitch.

To make matters worse, after dating for a while, Grace just leaves him. He thinks his aunt Polly may have been too hard on her, but he didn’t know until later that she lied when she said she didn’t know about the business. But barista bitch knew everything, and was gonna expose them to her higher-ups in the criminal justice department before long.

Arthur Shelby:

Major: Agriculture Minor: Military Science/ROTC

Graduated just barely.

Ended up in some trouble with his peeps in the military science department, probs for cussing someone out.

Angry, loud, and emotional af.

Loved drinking with John and his frat boy friends.

No one messed with him if they valued their life.

Started one too many fights and got suspended for reals. Almost beat a man to death but we don’t talk about that.

He gets stressed really easily so in his free time he draws horses.

When he gets real mad he takes it to the campus boxing ring and punches to his hearts content.

On his way back to his dorm one night he saw a girl who was in his agriculture class. She was cute and also in a “Christian” ministry group on campus. He decided to chat her up when she was preaching, just to see what it was about.

They later dated but then she cheated around with a fellow churchy man and just went off the rails. When he found out it wasn’t pretty.

Her friends and pastor most likely shamed her cuz she be ✨sinning✨. Therefore not helping her mental state.

Her name was Linda. Never trust a Linda.

Everyone tried to console Arthur but only boxing and drinking at Johns frat house did the trick.

Tommy often had to run to his dorm in the middle of the night to talk him out his mental breakdowns. College is hard.

In the end, he was glad he did agriculture even if his crazy ex would constantly stare at him during lectures, probably plotting his demise.

Some days he’d take out his frustrations by chopping wood and helping out on the farm where he worked and studied most days.

But you bet your ass fuckin’ Linda showed up to his dorm one time though with a gun and tried to shoot him, but she didn’t know his brothers and aunt were there too. Polly may have shot her in the arm tho. But when the campus PD showed up shit really went down.

We don’t know where Linda is now, but that’s probs for the best.

John Shelby:

Major: Music (idk I felt like he’s a musical boi) Minor: Military Science/ROTC

He’s a frat boy through and through. He drops it low on the dance floor and is known to dive onto beer pong tables.

Constantly going to parties and hooking up with sorority girls, that is until he meets a girl named Esme who’d been dragged to the party by her friends.

Suddenly he ain’t no hoe no more, he’s head over boots in love with her and she loves him too.

They be sneaking around in various buildings, often having to make a run for it to escape security.

He’d play her songs after hard training days with his military buds cuz it helps him calm down.

He’s not as violent as his older brothers, but he’ll fuck a person up if needed.

His fraternity is the second most important thing to him besides his girl. He loves the energy of the fraternity, the partying, and acting a whole fool with his friends, but Esme has him whipped.

His studies are struggling though cuz he loves to get turnt. He hates the studying aspect of college.

Always getting his brothers into trouble.

Snorts coke off Esme’s tits on occasion at the frat parties. It’s a wild time.

Has the mouth of a sailor but a heart of gold.

Talks of kids with Esme after dating for a year. Can’t afford a ring yet tho, but their bud Jeremiah marries them anyway on a whim.

After Arthur and the Grace fiasco ensues, he drops out of college because Esme falls pregnant. In the end, she ends up getting the chickens and wild cottage!core house she’d always wanted. They both decide to raise their kids there, living their best lives until Tommy drags them into more family matters later on.

Ada Shelby:

Major: English Minor: Gender & Women’s Studies

Always seen in the most stylish clothes.

She’s quiet most times but can be very knowledgeable on various subjects.

She’s constantly going off on her older brothers and trying to smack some sense into them.

Feels like something is off with the barista Tommy’s been seeing, but it’s not her problem.

Can 100% find her chilling in the back of Starbucks reading old novels or writing literature reviews.

When she’s not there, she’s holed up in the library where she works part time, studying and practicing for debates.

10/10 would fuck in the library cuz she knows all the best secret places to go to. 😏

Organizes meetings with different campus associations and demands equality for students.

Spends her free time surfing the net for clothes or keeping an eye out for a potential new bae.

Is probably the best at studying. She earns the best grades let’s be honest.

Will not hesitate to call a bitch out. She may not throw hands but she’ll throw words that can cut you like a knife.

Works for the campus paper, spilling all the tea on campus life. Her brothers often reluctantly agree to be her mock interview subjects for a range of assignments.

She breaks necks when walking around campus, everyone moves out of their way for her.

She’s a bad bitch.

Finn Shelby:

Major: Photography Minor: English

He hates how violent his brothers are but would 10/10 back them up if needed.

Often asks Ada for advice on studying and girls.

Doesn’t like the frat boy scene like John, but goes to the parties anyways with his best friends Isiah and Bonnie.

He’s a freshman and you can tell. He still has a glimmer of life in his eyes and a pep in his step as he walks around campus.

When he’s not taking pictures for class, he’s taking pictures of his girlfriend.

She’s his muse even when doing the simplest of things like sitting in a chair or reading one of his English books.

Each week he’d surprise her with a picture he took when she wasn’t looking, telling her how beautiful she is.

He may not look strong, but after many nights at the boxing ring with Arthur, he knew how to throw a punch.

He almost flunked his studies a couple times, getting too caught up in partying or being with his girl, but Ada and his Aunt Polly set him straight.

Voted by his family as most likely to not get arrested or suspended from college.

He’d have deep conversations with his friends, often confusing them because it was just that deep.

In his spare time he’d go boxing with Arthur or would try to help Tommy with his essays, but Tommy would get frustrated and tell him to fuck off within the first 10 minutes.

Polly Gray:

Profession: Business Management Professor Side Job: Managing the blinder business with Tommy

When she’s not teaching class, she’s managing the blinder business that was left to her and Tommy to tackle. This also means covering up any suspicions that arise on campus. She has her hands full.

She’s Tommy’s only shred of common sense some days when he gets too stressed out from his 10,000 majors and minors, or wants to plan to overthrow the university.

Will not hesitate to slap someone, preferably her unruly nephews.

Anyone can lie to her but the truth always falls through the cracks, and when she finds out, you’d pray you faced the devil instead.

In her spare time she reads tea leaves and prays for the corrupt souls of her son and his cousins. She really just begs to god that they can come together for once to get the business in line, but even that may be asking too much.

Knows a snake when she sees one. *cough* *cough* Grace the barista.

She’s the first one to tell someone I told ya so, especially her students when they flunk her tests because they decided to get drunk the night before.

When she’s not yelling at her nephews or grading papers, she can be seen at the local bar chatting up coworkers and old flames, hoping to find “the one” eventually. She ends up having a “thing” for the quirky Philosophy professor though. He’s kind of shady cuz she finds out he’s in a similar business on the side, but it only makes her like him more. She craves the danger.

They later end up in a whirlwind romance similar to John and Esme, and everyone loves that for them.

She can also be seen with her head in her hands when trying to persuade Tommy to use technology.

“What is copy and paste Pol? Can’t I just write it down? What’s up with all these gadgets aye?”

“If you want your hand to fall off and to make me lose my mind, then yes, write it down. Grading is bloody hard enough as it is, let alone grading your papers. You’re just like your father ya know, always doing things the hard way.”

Tells Gina off when she gets the chance just like she did Grace. She didn’t shoot her like Linda though, she just hurt some feelings.

May have aided in Grace’s “sudden” departure…maybe…just a little bit.

Secretly ships Tommy with a woman named Lizzie who had been her assistant at her office. She knew she could trust her more, at least.

Despite her harshness, she’s just trying to keep her family from completely fucking up their lives.

Michael Gray:

Major: Accounting Minor: Business Management

Like Tommy, he doesn’t get the hype of fraternities so he just hangs out with his cousins or his small circle of friends, they aren’t saints though.

His mom, Polly is his business management professor. She always calls on him and gives him a hard time when he spaces out in class.

Is often seen around campus with a few friends or his girlfriend Gina who he met in business class. They’re sickening and it was like a whirlwind romance tbh.

He usually finds himself cleaning up his cousin’s messes when it comes to fighting, but if he has to throw some punches he will.

He’s not as impulsive when it comes to matters of business, but where matters of the heart are concerned that’s another story.

When the blinders and Polly were all at her house for dinner one night he announced he was going to marry Gina. Arthur and John laughed and Tommy smirked slightly, still butt-hurt after his Grace left him for little-to-no reason. Ada grinned and bared the news whilst Polly nearly smacked him on the head.

People didn’t dare mess with him, and that went for all his cousins as well.

He spent a majority of his days in class crunching numbers, and most his nights out with the boys getting drunk or fuckin’ with Gina.

Because his mom held him accountable, his grades rivaled Ada’s causing them to get into some friendly competition at times.

He’s cunning like Tommy though. He got into many a screaming match with the older blinder after trying to take over his position in the family business. It ended in some black eyes and Polly smacking both of them with her newspaper. He knew better than to mess with the devil himself.

Despite the tensions between the cousins at times, he’s always the one they go to when they can’t figure out their math homework, and he’d always have to meet one of them in the library at 3 am to smuggle in some cocaine and a drink to keep them studying.

[tiecladartist]

Okay, spoilers beneath the cut because I have some issues with Rise of the Titans.

Tales of Arcadia is one of my favorite series ever. It handled the "Kid is the chosen one" situation brilliantly, every character had depth (even characters like Steve, Eli, the teachers, etc). Theme was expertly handled with each part of the series. Destiny, heroism and sacrifice for Trollhunters; Family, duty and home for 3-Below; Legacy, prejudice and family (again) for Wizards. Every season brought me to tears, made me laugh, made me fear for the safety of the characters and want good things for them after watching them sacrifice over and over again. It is a comfort show for me and always will be.

Now, the movie...

So, I don't think it was bad. I also don't think it was good, unfortunately. The animation took a bit of getting used to after bingeing everything else leading up to this, but I can't deny it was incredibly beautiful. It was especially nice to see places other than Arcadia and Akiridion-5. It started off strong with the train fight, and admittedly there were a lot of scenes I quite liked during the movie. But, just the scenes. I liked moments, but overall it didn't come together quite as well as the shows did.

The biggest factor is likely time. I doubt making this a movie was the initial plan since I know production companies enjoy snubbing out strong series for various reasons. Honestly, I was surprised we got an "ending" at all based on the trends of recent shows being forced to wrap things up prematurely. Even Wizards felt rushed compared to the others and as a result a lot of interesting concepts were brushed over quickly. I mean, I for one would've loved to see more Camelot "filler" shenanigans since those less plot-heavy episodes that we had throughout Trollhunters and 3-Below helped us explore the characters and grow to love them, and we didn't get quite as much of that with Douxie, Archie, Lancelot, Charlemagne, etc. But I digress, this post is supposed to be about the movie, not Wizards.

So yeah, I think Rise of the Titans should've been a show rather than a movie. We could have more time before Nari is captured, focusing on the "where are they now" of all the characters after the year we skipped. Jim gets to cook and eat human food after losing that passion when becoming a troll, adjusting to being human again! Maybe him and Toby talk about Barbara and Stickler being together and how it's kinda weird (Toby could compare it to having conflicting feelings over his Nana dating an alien). Krel and Aja have a call about how it is being the Queen and Steve interrupts because he misses Aja. Perhaps we hear Eli in the background doing something related to the "Secret weapon" and the call gets cut off quickly because this leads to a small disaster on Aja's end that she needs to go fix. Claire is practicing her magic with the help of Zoe while Douxie is off with Nari. NARI AND DOUXIE INTERACT WITH EACHOTHER AND WE ACTUALLY GET TO SEE IT! (Like, I know that they were travelling together for a year and that that is why Douxie is sad when Nari dies, but it didn't impact at all outside of empathy because there was no emotional investment on my end towards their friendship). But yeah, we get to see what's going on with everyone, and then perhaps this first episode ends with the reveal of them being ready for a plan of sorts (luring the arcane order and cutting off their magic. That wouldn't be revealed though). Cut to the Arcane Order in their super secret clubhouse saying they're close to finding Nari and you get a decent cliffhanger.

Episode 2 would start with the train fight and go fairly the same way. We see Jim struggling with fighting with no armor. Or perhaps he has akiridion armor, but it's too rigid or keeps malfunctioning (doesn't fit, so to speak). Only difference is that Jim's arc wouldn't be about whether or not he's still the trollhunter, because we've been through that already and he knows. I could get having moments of doubt, but his full on denial was kinda out of place after everything he went through. Instead, it could be that he feels useless due to now being a burden in a fight. Or perhaps instead he's wrestling with guilt. He's blaming himself since the arcane order got the seals due to them trying to rescue him. Maybe both? Maybe he even misses his troll body and feels that he's too weak now. Yes, he's still the trollhunter, amulet or not, but he's feeling less and less capable of answering this particular call, and that bothers him. He doesn't want to be a burden after all. Fight ends with the train crash, arrest, Douxie swapping with Nari, all the same.

Now, this is where things would go very very differently. Have more time before Douxie and Nari switch back. Let the Arcane order monologue a little more. They want to reset the world because the balance has been shifted? Cool! Tell me more! Did they used to try to get along with the humans? Did they try diplomacy in the past only to fail due to the stubborn humans, and that's why they've decided to take drastic measures? Or if not, explore why they believe they're the ones allowed to decide the balance is off. Is it because they're powerful? Or how long they've been on Earth? Did they reset it in the past and thus know through experience? I don't mind not knowing, since not everything needs to be spelled out for the audience, but there was potential to make them characters rather than obstacles, and it wasn't really utilized to its full potential. Allow Douxie to pick their brains a little instead of immediately swapping him and Nari back and only succeeding in delaying things a few more hours. Hell, if it was a TV show I honestly would've had one or two episodes before doing that while we address how that initial failure (and the fact that magical creatures/aliens were revealed to the world) affected everyone.

Maybe I'll go through and like, actually plot out episodes and stuff, but since I only just finished watching, here's just some various things I'd change:

-Get rid of that whole Steve pregnancy. That was just out of place and rather than the "comedy" breaking the tension, it shattered it completely and distracted from everything. If you wanna explore his father-based character arc, maybe have him and Aja discussing the fact that now that she's queen, she'll need heirs. And maybe Steve isn't sure he could be a good dad due to his history with paternal figures. You could even have it that he's taking care of Nari while her and Douxie are switched, and that leads to a situation where he helps her out and realizes he may be a better dad than expected. Or perhaps Blinky gives him paternal advice. Or Strickler. Or even BARBARA AND JIM like, Steve couldn't be worse than Jim's dad, and letting Steve and Jim bond over that would be nice. There was so much potential, but instead, Steve was reduced to an out of place running gag instead of getting a resolution to his character arc. And hey, if you wanna keep the whole male akiridions give birth thing that's cool, but it's gotta be done in moments where it won't distract. Or, you could even have it be that it means Aja and Steve need to adopt because uh... she's inorganic and he's organic? His body likely isn't actually built for akiridion childbirth despite the movie glossing over this fact? And maybe Steve has mixed feelings about someone else being the dad of his kids, but Coach and him talk about how Coach isn't his biological dad, but that doesn't mean he loves Steve any less.

-GIVE DOUXIE MORE SCREEN TIME! Seriously, had this been a show he would have the most potential for character growth out of everyone. His series was the shortest, so really all he got was a confidence boost and moving past needing Merlin's approval. But there was so much to explore with him still. What was up with that extreme burst of magic after Merlin's death that was never brought up again? How has he been mentally handling singlehandedly guarding Nari against the Arcane order for a year? Once he and Nari switch back, does he feel guilt over not being able to protect her? "Merlin wouldn't have failed like that. He kept her safe for thousands of years, I lasted a little over one". Perhaps, in his constant desire to prove himself to the people he cares about, he takes risky moves to try and save Nari again and make up for his mistakes, similar to how Jim was acting in the movie. Eventually, when he and Nari meet up again when trying to break her controlled state, Douxie is apologizing and talking about how he wants to make things right. He sees Nari as a friend; as family, just as much as Archie, and he doesn't want to lose her like he lost Merlin. He doesn't want to lose anyone else (which would make Archie getting stuck in the other Trollmarket, and Nari's sacrifice even more painful later on if that still happened).

-Krel, Eli and Stewart also needed more time. I get it was a movie, so time was short, but still. Krel's entire thing is that he grew to see Earth as his true home, and we didn't get to address the fact that he was immediately at risk of losing it at all. Not to mention the sheer amount of stuff he'd built for everyone. Like, could you imagine an episode where, to break up the tension (in a proper way, not a weird pregnancy way), in the midst of everyone trying to figure out how to stop the titans, Krel has overworked himself fixing and managing everyone's tech. He has to spend a day resting and disasters ensue as no one knows how to fix any of the stuff he usually manages. Like the tech keeping Camelot afloat, for example. Stewart and Eli could be the ones that end up stepping up to fill the Krel sized gap for the day.

-And I know that these fillers would lower the tension a bit, but like, having the titans need to charge up after awakening (like, absorbing elemental energy or something), or perhaps making the Arcane Order have to collect certain things to break the seals in the first place that they had on their fortress but lost when that was destroyed , or any other kinda obstacle to give time between the train fight and the Titans waking up would give time for less plot-heavy, more character focused episodes. And even after the titans wake up, they were moving super slowly and walking across the planet. It's not like they'd be short on time despite the movie making it seem like walking from china to america was a short jog at most.

-Don't give Toby the amulet. Don't get me wrong, I love Toby very much and literally bawled out loud at his sacrifice scene. But like, it made no sense to give him the amulet? Jim doing everything again with years of Trollhunter experience would help solve a lot of problems from his first go around (and I'm not fully on board with the whole time reset in the first place. Resetting to the start of the movie, or even just the fight with Bellroc would be better). Jim knows the burdens of being a trollhunter first hand, and you really think he'd be okay dumping all that on Tobes? Toby, the guy completely content with being the wingman and helping the people he cares about. Toby, the guy who never worried about not having a grand destiny up until the movie. The guy who in his biggest dreams was a Duke, not a king. I think Toby was well aware of how important moral support is and wouldn't see it as a lame superpower. But even if he did, in a tv show they could explore that in a way where he comes to learn just how much that moral support does for his friends. And if you still want his moment of glorious sacrifice (because I count that as one of the well done moments), then do that! But rather than going back in time to save everyone, make it so they sacrifice the stone to turn back time a bit. Risk their victory to try saving Toby. Have them fight Bellroc together instead of it being just Jim, because it's trollhunters, not trollhunter. It always has been, always will.

-And if you're like "But if they don't go back then Strickler and Nomura stay dead!" Then how about they don't kill them for shock factor in the first place? Have Strickler badly injured instead, because by god Barbara deserves some happiness. And think of the potential scene of her treating his wounds, and the two of them think about how things have changed since that visit to trollmarket when they were both hurt. About how Strickler stuck around, and when Barbara thought she'd lost him it scared her. How she's sick of almost losing everyone she cares about. She could talk a bit about Jim's dad then too, and it could be revealed that Jim was outside because he was going to check on them, but stopped when he realized they were talking. And then later on, he asks about his dad, admitting he overheard, and we get that conversation they had in the movie. And if you keep the Nomura sacrifice, give her more of a moment ffs. Like, she deserved better! Have the death be a sacrifice to save someone else instead of just "oops I got caught and I'm in the sun now". Make it deliberate. Make it her decision after a life of serving others. Finally, she got to be the one in control of her fate, and she chose to protect the people she cared about.

There's so much more I could say about this and the potential that was killed by the lack of time, but this is getting long and I should probably try actually doing the work I need to do today.

Edit (Because this just popped in my head and I need to add it).

THEY WERE LITERALLY AROUND THE ROUND TABLE! THE NINTH CONFIGURATION (which like, screw that there are more than 9 heroes here to save the day) WERE THE NEW KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE. They were there to protect the world, and like... did the bond between Lancelot and Steve just not exist anymore? Did that get timeline erased too? Could you imagine Steve fighting to protect the world, doing his best to protect the people he cared about so that he never loses someone like he lost Lance again? He gets to keep his promise to carry on the legacy of the Knights even after they died. THE POTENTIAL WAS THERE!!! THE SET UP WAS THERE!!! BUT NO! WE GET MPREG STEVE INSTEAD!!

[getacluedrew]

Nancy Drew book collecting

The Game Books

There are LOTS of Nancy Drew books. Since being published in April of 1930 there have been many versions, rewrites, updates and new mysteries which are still ongoing today in some way! So the question is, “Where to start?!” This is less like book collecting and more akin to comic collecting. Which series? What dates matter? Are some rarer than others? Fear not sleuth! I’ll try and help you out. It’s less a question of “true value” and more the value to you. So start there. What sort books are you wanting to collect.

This post will focus on the Books which inspired the Games

Alright gang lets get down to brass tacks. Many of us are here because one day we sat down and dived into a mystery computer game as teen detective Nancy Drew! Many of our favorite and beloved adventures were inspired from books in the series and this will help serve as that list or knowledge of knowing which you should look for. 

As stated above many of us grew up playing these games and hold them in a special place in our hearts. But what books are they based on? Are they based on one book or several? Well the short hand answer... Yes...

Doesn't make since? let me explain. 

The games are based on the Nancy Drew books, but they borrow aspects from the Nancy Drew Universe as a whole, such as places, names, and details. For the avid reader it’s little things that make these games so special,  you can find all sorts of Easter Eggs and details. The games pull from multiple books and even other media to inspire their game play. So it’s very unfair to say they are based on only one book when they hold details, plot points, mcguffins ect from multiple sources.  

That being said we are here for book collecting, and the fact remains the games ARE EACH based on a Book, or Books in some cases, as their main inspirations. 

So which are they? First thing to know is, most of the Nancy Drew games are mostly based on later books in the series which tended to come out in the 80′s, 90′s and early 2000′s, to the exceptions of a few. Often times these mysteries, not only modern in setting, offered a bit more high stakes and drama than their older 60′s rewrites. However it’s worth noting that the games did not always borrow the names of their respected book titles, so you need to know the book’s name over the game. 

There are many lists here on tumblr, and online that can tell you the names of the books, and I simply wish to add to the pool as another resource for you. So bellow will be a list along with the covers of the mysteries that inspired the game. 

 Some versions of the books will have more than one cover and language. For example “Haunted Carousel” has 4 different versions of cover art and three different language translations, Norwegian, Finnish, Swedish. 

So if you don’t want to buy the books for every game you can focus on your favorites and find their various covers. Despite being more recent than the 1930s or 40s, these books are not easy to come by and require some hunting! But that’s a good thing right? It’d be no fun to just be able to order them all in one go ;) 

So if you are a collector that loves nostalgia, wishes to collect the books based on your favorite games, doesn’t mind some hunting, and doesn’t mind having a jumbled collection, then these books are for you! 

If you want to learn more and get into collecting further I highly recommend looking at the Farah’s Guide for more information or check out, nancydrewsleuth.com.

check out other related posts bellow.

Pt 1 “Firsts”

Pt 2 “The Orange Silhouettes” 

Happy Hunting!!! 🔍📚

Bellow is the “List”. The number of the game is on the left and the titles or title it is based on follow. Only one cover art is shown per book.

  The list: 

1. -Nancy Drew Case Files 1 “Secrets Can Kill” August 1986 

2. - Nancy Drew Case Files 17 “Stay Tuned for Danger” May 1991

3. - Nancy Drew 122 “Message in a Haunted Mansion” December 1994

4. -Nancy Drew 128 “Treasure in a Royal Tower” December 1995

5. -Nancy Drew Case Files 36 “Final Scene” August 1989

6. -Nancy Drew 124 “Secret of the Scarlet Hand” May 1995

7. -Nancy Drew “Ghost Stories” 1989 & Nancy Drew 167 “Mystery by Moonlight” July 2002

8. -Nancy Drew 72 “Haunted Carousel” October 1, 1983

9. -Nancy Drew 153 “Whispers in the Fog” April 2000

10.-Nancy Drew 5 “Secret of Shadow Ranch” 1965

11. Nancy Drew 77 “The Blue Beard Room” August 1988

12. - Nancy Drew 1 “Secret of the Old Clock” & Nancy Drew 2 “The Hidden Staircase” & Nancy Drew 4 “Lilac Inn” 1964

13. - Nancy Drew Hardy Boys Super Mystery “Mystery Train” November 1990

14. - Nancy Drew Case Files 30 “Death by Design” December 1988

15. - Nancy Drew 143 “Mystery on Maui” June 1998 & Nancy Drew Hardy Boys Super Mystery “Tropic Fear” November 1992

16. - Nancy Drew 164 “Mystery of Mother Wolf” 2002

17. - Nancy Drew 81 “Mardi Gras Mystery” 1988

18. - Nancy Drew 78 “Phantom of Venice” October 1985

19.- Nancy Drew 168 “Bike Tour Mystery” 2002

20.- Nancy Drew 70 “The Broken Anchor” 1983

21. - Nancy Drew 158 “Curse of the Black Cat” January 2001

22. - Nancy Drew 155 “Mystery in Tornado Alley” 2000

23. - Nancy Drew 56 “The Thirteenth Pearl” February 1979 & Nancy Drew Hardy Boys Super Mystery “Tour of Danger” April 1992

24. - Nancy Drew 64 “Captive Witness” November 1981

25. - Nancy Drew Case Files 43 “False Impressions” January 1990 & Nancy Drew 163 “The Clues Challenge” October 2001

26. - Nancy Drew Hardy Boys Super Mystery “Secrets on the Nile” November 1995

27. - Nancy Drew 165 “Crime lab Case” 2002 & Nancy Drew on Campus “In and out of love” July 1997

28. - Nancy Drew All New Girl Detective 10 “Uncivil Acts” March 2005

29. - Nancy Drew 41 “The Clue of the Whistling Bagpipes” 1964

30. Nancy Drew Girl Detective Super Mystery 3 “Real Fake” July 2007

31. - Nancy Drew 60 “Greek Symbol Mystery” May 1981

32. - Nancy Drew 27 “The Secret of the Wooden lady” 1950

33. - Nancy Drew 33 “The Witch Tree Symbol” 1955 & The Hardy Boys 55 “The Witch Masters Key” 1976

[jakob-muller]

[The pen is delivered along with a cute smiley faced mug, and the following (extensive) note, as well as some chocolate:] 

February 14th, 2022

To my dearest Jakob, mein König, 

Today is Valentine’s Day, which is, indeed, a deeply commercialized holiday. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like pink (and red is lovely, too) and I like (adore) love in all its many forms, but I do have to acknowledge that this holiday has become deeply commercialized. I mean, I don’t really think we need everything that different companies put out, but I’ll also admit that sometimes it’s fun, and I do love adding heart-shaped sprinkles to baked goods this time of year. I’m going to make you gluten free pancakes with heart shaped sprinkles, I hope you know. No dairy either, don’t worry. We can eat them cuddled under a blanket on the couch, if you’d like - I know I would, but then again, being next to you, close to you, or at least able to see you is the very best thing I can imagine. 

Now time for the very important history lesson about this holiday, because it wasn’t always Hallmark-related and an excuse to make way too many super cute stuffed bears. Which I am guessing you know, but you seemed to like my remarks about Halloween on that holiday, so now you have to suffer through more history lessons. ;)

It was originally a Christian feast day honoring either one or two early Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine (side-note, I went through a brief phase of finding martyrs extremely fascinating when I was about 9-10 years old. I can tell you more sometime if you’d like).

Anyhow, there’s many rumors about various Saint Valentines, but some include that he married young lovers in secret, even when Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage for young men. Saint Valentine was put to death when this was discovered. I suppose that is how it became known for being associated with love, perhaps?

I won’t go on for forever (as this is not a thesis :P), but I couldn’t help but provide you with some history. You seem to not mind so much when I talk about academic-related things. :) One might even say you enjoy that. 

Moving on from that, I think there are some other important things to tell you. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t like making lists, so please enjoy one specifically tailored to you.

Top five best things to do in New York (I’m an expert, you know):

Hold your hand

Kiss you

Wake up in your bed 3a. Go to bed with you

Go for walks around the city with you

Make you food / read with you / watch movies with you / hang out in your apartment

*yes, #5 counts as one thing :)

I still can’t believe the utter fortune I had to run into you by those red pandas. What if you hadn’t been there that day??? I cannot imagine it, and furthermore, I dread imagining such a world where I didn’t meet you. Even if you did successfully trick me into taking a longer route. It was well worth it, and as I stated in the above list, I treasure getting to go for walks around the city with you. No matter how long. I’d walk forever with you. 

Yes I know I am being quite terribly cheesy, but you’re the one who decided to date me, so you’re the one who’s to blame, in the end. That’s proof that’d hold up in court, and I should know, my mom’s a lawyer. 

I also made a playlist of my favorite Taylor Swift cutesy romantic songs. Can we please (pretty pretty please) listen to some of them?? :) I’ll make it worth your time. 

Thank you for being mine, on this day, and on all other days. Thank you for letting me be yours, too. Wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Deine kleine Prinzessin,

Maureen xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

PS: I may have something special, new, and red to show you tonight. :)

PPS: It’s not lipstick. ;)

PPPS: The pen is so you can have one back since I stole yours on Halloween and plan to keep it, and the mug made me smile, and so I hope it makes you smile, too. I have some more in-person gifts to give you too.

(Letter is covered with (quite) a few lipstick-stained kisses)

[myopinionhi]

Solangelo as LGBTQ Rep and Possible Issues

I do not represent the LGBT community because I’m sure a variety of LGBT fans would have various reactions to Solangelo. As a shy, bisexual person myself, I’ll speak only for myself.

I’ve noticed some people praising Solangelo for being positive LGBTQ rep and then others thinking it doesn’t deserve the praise. I can see both sides. 

I think Solangelo overall is positive LGBTQ representation. It’s not perfect. I’m glad Rick made Nico gay. However, Solangelo has one huge problem. It actually kind of suffers from a sort of harmful gay trope. The trope isn’t nearly harmful enough to take away Solangelo’s positive representation, but it’s there. I’ll elaborate more on it at the end of this essay.

Here are things I’m mostly not bothered with that others are regarding Nico and Will’s LGBT rep. 

1. Nico being outed by cupid. The infamous Cupid scene made me uncomfortable, and seeing Nico forced out of the closet hit too close to home. I could relate to a young teen struggling to accept the truth about himself. Some LGBTQ characters in media appear in an amazing LGBTQ utopia that pretends LGBTQ individuals don’t have issues with self-acceptance. Heroes of Olympus doesn’t sugarcoat Nico’s issues, because the struggle can be real for some LGBTQ individuals. Yes, Nico was forced out the closet. But he was mainly forced out of the closet to himself. It was supposed to be some sort of emotional release and self-awakening. If he stays in denial, more harm than good will come out of it. What Cupid did was cruel and was supposed to be cruel. I’d have an issue with the scene if Nico was forced out of the closet in front of a group of people, but since he was only forced out in front of Jason and then Jason respectfully keeps Nico’s secret and supports him, I actually don’t have an issue with it.

2. Nico and Will constantly argue. Nico and Will argue since Blood of Olympus. Will is aggressive with Nico. I’ve mentioned this before in a previous essay; Will has to be aggressive because Nico is on the verge of death. Nico is about to disappear into the shadows and hasn’t properly taken care of himself in a long time. After not seeing Nico in months, Will must have been devastated seeing the state of Nico’s health and seeing Nico being so stubborn and anti-social about it. Will’s anger is justified, and Nico needs that push to start being healthy after so long. Nico’s anti-social and self-depreciation also probably frustrated Will. Nico thought no one wanted to be his friend and is going to leave Camp, so Will has to be assertive to convince Nico he is wanted. 

Nico and Will’ s bickering in Lost Oracle is more affectionate bickering. They have very different personalities, so they’re going to disagree and let it be known. They have more harmless and playful disagreements. It’s actually more cute, if anything. 

The only real issue I have with their arguments is in Blood of Olympus when Will snaps at Nico by claiming “Nobody at Camp Half-Blood ever pushed you away.” and “You pushed yourself away. If you’d get your head out of that brooding cloud of yours for once...”  The harmful implication of this statement is the dismissal of Nico’s real experiences of rejection and that if he’d just stop brooding he’d be happy. The implications are....unfortunate. Don’t get me wrong. Will likely lost his patience with Nico’s stubbornness after hearing Nico say he’s leaving Camp, likely never coming back. I understand Will’s devastation, especially since he wants to be Nico’s friend and knows others who do too.

 The statement isn’t problematic because Will simply said it. It’s a human to say hurtful things. Will is an exhausted teen who’s on the verge of losing Nico. The real problem is the book doesn’t acknowledge Will’s statement as harmful. Will doesn’t apologize or acknowledge how he was wrong. Will says it and then Nico suddenly agrees to stay at Camp, implying Nico’s isolation was brought completely on himself. Hypothetically, if Will acknowledges his mistakes later, like in Tower of Nero, then this unfortunate line is more forgivable. 

3. Nico has barely accepted himself. He’s not ready for a boyfriend. I’d accept this argument if Will and Nico started dating at the end of Blood of Olympus. Fortunately, they don’t. Nico doesn’t even acknowledge having feelings for Will to himself. It’s only implied. I find the many fanfictions having Will and Nico dating after Nico stays at the infirmary for three days unrealistic and rushed. But not this. Will and Nico aren’t a confirmed couple until Hidden Oracle, which happens months after Blood of Olympus. If Nico gets emotional healing and bonds with Will for months, it’s not unreasonable for them to be dating. Even their official relationship in Hidden Oracle seems pretty casual and low stress.

4. Will has Nico on a short leash. No Will doesn’t. After Blood of Olympus, when Will tries to save Nico’s life, Will isn’t controlling. He may tell Nico to be nicer or would bicker, but nothing  too overbearing. Will teases Nico for not calling him his boyfriend and doesn’t get angry when Nico shadow-travels in Hidden Oracle. Nico seems to want to be around Will on his own accord. He enjoys being around Will, hence the doctor’s note. 

5. Will “fixed” Nico and/or Nico became too dependent on Will. No, the reason Nico is happier in Hidden Oracle is because he has learned to accept himself and he has family and friends supporting him. Some of the most important loved ones for Nico include Hazel, Reyna, Jason, and the rest of the Seven. Blood of Olympus gives more focus and development to Reyna and Nico’s relationship than Nico and Will’s relationship. Will is the straw that broke the camels back, but it’s the accumulation of impactful events and support that gets Nico to happiness. Will helped, especially with Nico’s physical health. When Nico decides to stay at Camp Half-Blood, it’s likely he sees his home in Camp Half-Blood than Camp Jupiter. Bianca trusted Camp Half-Blood to take care of Nico. Nico and Will’s relationship did grow after Blood of Olympus, and Will’s support helps Nico, but there’s no indication of Will be Nico’s “fixer”. He’s just Nico’s friend and boyfriend.

Here’s an interesting argument I’ve been pondering.

Will can’t be both Nico’s doctor and his boyfriend. This argument interests me because if Will had a crush on Nico during Blood of Olympus, he maybe shouldn’t treat Nico as a patient. I’ve seen too many creepy fanfictions of Will using his authority as Nico’s doctor to get closer to Nico. However, Will likely is also the one who knows what’s best for Nico’s health. He’s a better healer even than Apollo. He may also be the only one who knows how save Nico from fading into the shadows in Blood of Olympus since Nico’s powers are unusual. Will’s emotional investment in Nico interferes with objectivity. Then again, Will may be emotionally invested with many people in Camp-Halfblood as well, and Will is the one with the best healing. Will’s doctor’s note for Nico to sit at the Apollo table does touch upon Will’s professional conflict of interest with Nico. It’s possible Will can keep it completely professional as Nico’s doctor since he’s a natural-born healer, but it’s relying on the good-faith of a teenager. 

It seems unfair to deprive Nico of the best medical care because Will is his boyfriend. Especially during the winter, it’s possible Kayla’s and Austin’s healing abilities are very inferior to Will’s. At the same time though, there’s conflicts of interest when Will has Nico as his patient. 

Here’s one issue I have in regards to Nico’s crush on Percy.

We don’t know how Nico gets over his crush on Percy. We’re never shown Nico’s POV until Blood of Olympus, so it’s very possible Nico goes through some self-realization after the Cupid scene. I find Nico’s dropped crush on Percy disappointing. I would have liked to see Nico admit there’s still some lingering, painful feelings towards Percy for a little while during Blood of Olympus. It would have been interesting seeing Nico accept the heartbreak and move on. Percy was Nico’s first love and someone who Nico invested in for years. House of Hades seems to imply there is still some lingering feelings, but then it’s dropped in Blood of Olympus, and Nico says to Percy “you’re not my type.” It’s lazy writing. It’s like Rick made Nico gay for Percy for that gay angst but then didn’t feel like following through. Nico’s crush on Percy affected Nico for years. How is it dropped within two books?!

The main issue I have with Solangelo

Their romance and relationship is hidden. Okay, if Will didn’t call Nico his boyfriend and Apollo didn’t gush over their relationship in Hidden Oracle, we wouldn’t know they’re in a romantic relationship. All their actions are completely platonic. I get that Nico’s probably not into PDA. I get romantic pet names may be too embarrassing for Nico. I get they may not want to flaunt their relationship. I get they may not want to hold hands. I get they’d want to keep their relationship private. I get they’re young. I get Nico doesn’t like being touched. I get Trials of Apollo is only from Apollo’s POV. That’s not the issue. 

What actions do they have that imply they’re boyfriends instead of friends? The most affectionate they’ve gotten is Nico resting his hand on Will’s shoulder, Will casually leaning on Nico before the three-legged race, or Nico grabbing Will’s hand once to shadow-travel to the chariot. There’s not really any tiny romantic actions. There’s no clear romantic flirting, loving gazes, hand squeezes, hugs, legs touching, footsies, kisses on the head, or hugs. Only a couple of these small romantic actions are all that’s necessary. Nico and Will don’t have to go as far as kissing and cuddling. The relationship gets brownie points for using the label "boyfriend”, but then homophobes don’t have to be squeamish about two guys getting even a tiny bit of romantic affection. It’s too easy to censor the explicit gayness of their relationship because there’s not much to possibly censor. 

Their absent romantic affection is only half of it though. Another major problem is Solangelo is only in two books. Even when they’re in those two books, their relationship doesn’t get a lot of scenes. In Blood of Olympus, Will and Nico work together and bicker during the battle against Gaia. It’s heartwarming, but they don’t even meet up until more than halfway into the book. In Hidden Oracle, Nico and Will are only in a handful of scenes, and many of these moments are brief. When Will and Nico are shown, they have chemistry. They clearly care and support each other. But this groundbreaking relationship of theirs doesn’t have much. Will is the son of Apollo, and, not including Tower of Nero for now, only appears in Hidden Oracle during Trials of Apollo. Why does Will Solace only appear in 1 (2 including Tower of Nero) books in Trials of Apollo even though his dad is the main character? We don’t know. He could be strong LGBTQ rep with a boyfriend, but....nope. 

The same-sex ships get tiny crumbs, and then you’ve got all these straight ships shown and developed in more than two or three books. I’m worried Solangelo is falling under the “But Not Too Gay” trope, where an author wants a gay couple for representation credit, but then won’t give them the same appreciation as straight couples.  

Don’t get me wrong. I’d much rather have Nico be gay, and I’d much rather have Solangelo be a couple. I think their relationship is wholesome, and what’s shown of them has positive representation. I don’t find Nico’s LGBTQ representation too problematic. It’s just sort of....missing something important that could make it really positive. For what it’s worth, I appreciate the Solangelo crumbs, and it meant a lot to me growing up. 

[braveskyered]

Knights (Part 19)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18

(Special Thanks once again to @nebulous-rain​ for providing one of the illustrations. Please check her out if you have the time!)

-

Do you understand the severity of these terms?

…

…You know what? I don’t think I should repeat myself if you’re just going to ignore me.

Just like in reality, in fiction, anything goes.

Not everything is all lovely sunshine and daisies.

Life is never fair.

Not to you.

Not to me.

And especially not to them.

I wonder how much you’re willing to believe, or even believe in them at all.

After all…

We all make mistakes, don’t we?

And yet one will always never forgive them, no matter the apologies they genuinely give.

Aren’t you the same way?

I look forward to seeing where your journey takes you.

-

Part 19: Thought I Told Ya Stop Fuckin’ With Me!

- - - - - - -

April XX, 20XX

I don't even know what I'm doing. I'm so scared of what will happen to me, but I couldn't let myself go through this. I don't even know what Vivi was thinking. I can't do it. Not even for her.

I can't stay. I have to get out of here. Get away from the monsters that hurt me. It's nothing more than a prison at this rate.

…

I guess I'm a coward to the very end.

I'm sorry ■■■■■ ■■■■ everyone.

-

May XX, 20XX

It's been two weeks since I escaped that hell.

Somehow, things are getting better for me. I don't know why, but I managed to find a job at an auto repair shop and even a place for me to stay at the same time in Cantabile, Tennessee. The shop, Four of a Kind Queens, is a family owned business that's run by the grandmother of the Knights family, Vivienne. She's the one that provided me a job and a home. I don't know how to thank her other than to do whatever I can.

The Knights family is interesting in that they're almost all women (other than those that are married with a husband). Almost all of the employees at the shop are women, too. I actually felt a bit out of place as one of the few male employees there. You'd think it'd be the other way around. Thankfully, none of them seemed interested in me so far.

I can only hope that I'll be able to move on from the past without them finding me. I don't want the Knights family to get dragged into my problems any more than they have to.

I'm just happy to have Galaham with me. I don't know what I would've done, or where I would be, without him.

-

June XX, 20XX

It's been a month since I arrived in Cantabile. It's surprising that I'm still here.

I got a new phone for myself. It's the kind that didn't require me to get a contract since I bought it from an electronics store. I had already disposed of my old smartphone and the SIM on it after I came here. It was rough to let go of it, but at least my photos and other files for my projects are safe.

I just hope that I didn't compromise my safety when I did the switch.

-

July XX, 20XX

Vivienne told me to stay home for the next few days. All I learned was that something had happened in the city that had police going around crazy. Also, someone's family member had gone missing and was reportedly said to be seen in Cantabile. I didn't dare search my name online. Instead I opted to look up missing persons by state.

...I shouldn't be surprised that I found my name and face as one of those missing in Texas. It said that I had left for a solo vacation and never returned, and that my last known location was somewhere in the mountains of Tennessee. It didn't say anything about which town or city I was last seen in or me being hurt, but I didn't want to take any chances.

I want to let my uncle know I'm okay, but I can't. I'm sorry.

-

July XX, 20XX

Vivienne called me back into work today. The police had found the person that was reported missing, and there hadn't been any more unusual activity, so it was safe for me to come back.

She told me that it's not unheard of for abusers to report their victims that have escaped from their grasp as missing individuals, pretending to care about their missing "loved ones." Those blind to the truth would fall for the sob stories and find the victims that have truly escaped, and then drag them back to their tormentors and not know the difference.

I was worried that I wouldn't be able to make rent since I couldn't work for the past four days, but Vivienne still paid me as if I did. I’ll find a way to make it up to her someday.

I'm worried about my uncle, but I don't want to get dragged back there. I'm sorry, Uncle.

-

August XX, 20XX

The Knights, mainly Elaine (who is Vivienne's youngest granddaughter), have been inviting me to various events lately.

Sure, being invited to the little parties and lunch gatherings meant to keep up employee morale is pretty fun, but now the occasion is attending a Robotics convention. From what Elaine had told me, it was just only her and her family going, but for some reason, I was the only employee invited to come along. Maybe the others didn't have any interest?

Elaine said that it was to get me out of the apartment and the shop. It's true that I don't go out much other than to get the essentials, and even then, most of them were brought to me by delivery, but it's mostly because I don't want to expose myself.

I can't let them find me. I don't want to go back.

-

August XX, 20XX

Elaine and I are dating now, I guess.

I had a good time at the Robotics convention. There were a few moments where I thought I saw someone that would recognize me even though I wore a hat and a different style in clothing and gloves to hide my arm, but thankfully, I was only seeing things. I think as long as I'm with someone I know, I'll be okay.

I say we're dating, but I highly doubt it'll work out between us. I mean, who would want to remain beside someone who has more problems than I care to count? No one in the shop even knows about my arm yet, because I didn't want to get any special/excess attention because of it.

Still, I'm well aware that Elaine has a crush on me (she's not exactly the most subtle about it). I'm not sure what will happen once she loses interest, but I hope we can still be friends at least. Other than Elaine and her family, Galaham is my only real companion right now.

I don't really have much of a choice to stay isolated like I had been, but at least I'm not getting beaten or burned on a near daily basis.

...I wonder if this relationship with Elaine will work out.

-

August XX, 20XX

Surprisingly, Elaine hasn't broken up with me. I just don't understand. What does she see in me? I'm a disgrace to the people I once knew. I feel like a discarded piece of trash that's left out on the curb, and I know I'm still an absolute wreck from all the nightmares of the night that's forever etched into my subconscious.

I accidentally cut my right arm on a rusty pipe at work. Because I didn't have a medical record to provide, Vivienne had me taken to a hospital to get a tetanus shot as a precaution. Although I never wanted them to know, they learned about my left arm and the rest of my injuries. I never saw someone look so horrified. Not at me, but the fact that I had so many wounds still healing and one that never will. To be on the safe side, Vivienne had me go through a complete physical. Examinations, x-rays, even an MRI had been added into the mix.

Even though we reached a compromise in that no one is to ask how I got these injuries back in Texas, I told Vivienne that I wouldn't be able to pay for all of it. She simply said that the director owed her family a handful of favors. Just how much influence does she and her family have? I don't think she would've helped to this extent if I hadn't been Elaine's boyfriend.

...It still feels weird to say that.

-

September XX, 20XX

My wounds from the hell I escaped from are slowly healing. I don't think they'll ever truly fade, but at least they're no longer hurting. I still have to cover my neck with scarves or turtlenecks to hide the very last wound I received, but hopefully that will fade over time, too.

The medication that was prescribed to me last month had worked wonders for me. I no longer have to bear with such crippling phantom pain, and the Knights family, including Elaine, have been helping me move on.

Maybe I can truly start over? Maybe I can truly find a place for myself here? I don't know how I'll ever be able to return the favor for the Knights family.

I think I'll invite Elaine to try out that new sandwich shop that recently opened up with me.

-

October XX, 20XX

Over time, I learned that the Knights family have a side business of sorts. They handle paranormal investigations and even do monster hunting for certain clients. Oddly, only the women of the Knights family do this.

Vivienne had retired from the side business a few years back and runs Four of a Kind Queens after inheriting it from her mother. Her two daughters, Morgan and Caelia, still do the side business occasionally, along with her two granddaughters Elaine and Eleanor. I almost never see Eleanor, since according to Morgan (her mother), she travels with her husband for his job as a contractor of sorts.

Elaine is leaving for one such occasion. She's been hired to investigate an abandoned house since there have been some crazy occurrences here and there. I don't know why, but I couldn't bring myself to stay, so I quickly volunteered to join her. I told her of my past experience as a paranormal investigator and demonstrated my knowledge of it. It was enough to convince her.

I never told the Knights family about the group I used to be a part of. I don't even want to think of the names of who and what I used to know. I was thrown away and cast aside, and I was constantly punished for the things I never wanted to happen.

...I just hope I don't bring Elaine to her death. At the very least, I'll help maintain her equipment and remain in her van. That way if anything went wrong, at least it won't be her getting pushed off. I should probably check ahead of time and make sure there isn't anything that could be used as a weapon to hurt her.

-

November XX, 20XX

I keep telling myself that I need to stop involving myself with the paranormal. That way I won't get hurt anymore, that way I can't be used to hurt anyone. But I couldn't. I can't.

Elaine made the investigations safe. I actually enjoy going on these trips with her.

She listened to all of my concerns, answered my questions, and even took the time to plan ahead with me on what needs to be done. I would help with the preliminary investigation and preparation, and if it became too dangerous for me, I would stay in the van with the protection wards while she went on ahead. In the rare occasions where it was too much even for her, she would back out and call her family for backup.

I love it when one knows when to fold.

-

December XX, 20XX

Elaine and I are still dating here and there.

I still don't know what a date really is, but if the occasional walk around the mountain trails or just having a meal together counts as such, then I guess that counts? (Huh. Redundancy.)

The things I learned about Elaine so far is: She's good at cooking, knows how to work with cars, likes reading science fiction and the occasional romance and horror novels. She doesn't care much for movies unless it really interests her, and even then, that's rare. She loves the family cream stew recipe her grandmother makes.

Elaine started to play some video games with me once I saved up enough money to buy a secondhand console during a sale. I often like to do little commentaries whenever I play, and she started to join in as well.

I'm so thankful to have her as a friend.

-

December 25th, 20XX

Even though I was all but exiled from where I used to live, I still wanted to let my uncle know what I'm fine without anything being traced back to me. Eventually, I came up with a technique that allowed me to do it.

One time I went with Elaine on her trips for the family's side business, I had asked her to buy a stack of notebook paper and some envelopes from an office store while we were out three states over. They were completely covered with wrapping, so there were no worries of her fingerprints getting on them. I made sure to only let myself touch the letters while writing and sending them, so that way there would be no danger for the Knights.

I had written my first letter to my uncle last week. I didn't include much, just that I was fine and that I'm in a much better place, and I asked him in that he doesn't try to look for me. I even went so far as to write it in a way that he would know that I'm not making it up and that I'm actually safe. I won't be able to get a reply from him, and we probably won't be able to see each other again, but hopefully this will put him at ease.

Merry Christmas, Uncle. I'm sorry.

-

January XX, 20XX

The new year. Hopefully it'll lead to a new me.

I'm gradually making a few friends outside the Knights family, but I mainly just stay home and keep to myself. They've gotten used to it; I think. We sometimes get to play some online games together, so that's cool.

-

February 14, 20XX

I got to spend some time with Elaine at a place popular for couples before a job. Granted, Elaine was asked to investigate some disappearances that occurred in that area, but I came with her last minute because I wanted to spend more time with her. It's selfish of me to do that, but I want to prove myself as a person for her. Plus, the last few cases I went with her went okay.

…

The fact that the Knights family are so effective at paranormal investigations and monster hunting, it makes sense now.

The Knights family themselves are monsters.

Elaine ■■■■■■■■ those cultists. Sure, she did it to save me, but she still ■■■■■■ ■■■■.

Dating her was a mistake. Everything has been a mistake. Everything about me has been a mistake.

I broke up with her.

-

March XX, 20XX

I don't know what I'm even doing. I still go to work, but after what happened two weeks ago, I can't look anyone in the eye. I try to avoid them. I know that they can kill me at any given moment. If that were to be the case, I hope they'll at least wait until it's Galahad's time to go, I don't want him to pass after me.

When that incident happened, Elaine begged me not to hate her while crying. After that, she never said anything to me other than when it's time to clock out or the few times her grandmother would buy lunch for the employees. No one in the family told me to leave, but they didn't ask for forgiveness, either.

I fear Elaine, but I can't hate her. What she did was unforgivable, even though she did it to save me. I know I would have died had it not been for her actions, but still. Am I truly worth saving? Enough that someone will kill to do so?

…Real monsters would never save people.

I can't let it be like this. I will talk to her the next time I go to work.

-

March XX, 20XX

I managed to have a heart-to-heart talk with Elaine. I still couldn't bring myself to forgive her for what she did, but I made sure to thank her for saving my life. There are still many things we need to work through, but at least we seem to be on the right page now.

We've decided to give this dating thing another shot. Not to start over, but to pick up where we left off.

I will accept her, monster and all.

After all, the real monster is me.

-

June XX, 20XX

I love her. I love Elaine.

I shouldn't love her. I don't have the right to love her.  I shouldn't let these feelings be a part of me. It's becoming harder and harder to deny it.

Elaine can easily toss me aside should she so choose. But she didn’t. I just can’t understand.

I still confessed to her. Because I didn’t have a ring to give her, I gave her my star spin. She gave me a pin shaped like the moon. The Knights in the night. Heh.

She returned her feelings.

-

October XX, 20XX

Elaine proposed to me.

-

November 11, 20XX

So… I tied the knot with Elaine today.

It feels so unreal. I never thought even once in my life before meeting her that I would ever find love like this. I really don't know how to describe this feeling. I have never felt anything even remotely like this in the past where all I felt was pain.

The ceremony could have been better, though. I wish I didn't have to make Elaine sad when I asked her to keep that one promise for me as one of our vows, but I know this had to be done for everyone's sake, including hers.

Elaine, if you ever read this, I want to say thank you. I love you, and I will do whatever I can to make you happy like you do for me.

...

I love you, too, my star. ☆

- - - - - - -

Red spilled.

Arthur looked down on himself, on his hands, and saw red. Why is the room covered in red? Why are Gwen and Percy covered in red and down on the floor? The clothes of Vivi's son soaked in more crimson. Whose blood is this? He coughed and looked at his hands.

Oh. It's his.

He forced himself to swallow the vomit that threatened to leave his throat. He blinked and saw that the red is now gone. Another hallucination? Definitely not a good sign, but he will have to worry about it later when he took a moment to touch the moon pin on his vest before shifting his focus on the children.

Gwen and Percy, along with Vivi's son Jason, are still standing, looking at him like they're seeing a ghost. The wraith is still floating behind the children, looking like a deer in the headlights. Arthur briefly took note that it's holding something, a blue rectangle of sorts that took one hand for the wraith to hold. A box? Not important.

Arthur knew that he would have to face the wraith again one day. It could have gone in so many ways. In all of those scenarios, it always had the wraith looking angry and vengeful like it always did when it was alone with him.

To think the wraith could hurt him like this.

"Dad…?"

The sound of Percy's voice snapped Arthur out of the fog. It's hard to bear the heat flaring up from his back and neck, difficult to keep the acid bile from bubbling up in his throat, and hard to maintain eye contact with that ghoulish face. It’s not looking angry now, but he knows it’s only a matter of time.

"Gwen, Percy,” Elaine said, “Come over here.”

The three children glanced up at the wraith before the twins subtly nodded to each other, with Gwen quietly gesturing to Jason to follow her as the three left the wraith’s side. The wraith, to its credit, didn’t do anything to follow.

“Arthur, I—"

“Elaine,” Arthur commanded with strain, his fingers barely touching the scar on his neck, “Take the kids with you… and go back to the others. Tell Vivi and Mystery to come here.”

“Are you sure?” Elaine kept her attention to him while keeping the wraith in the corner of her vision, “Isn’t that the one who—”

He nodded. He didn’t want to leave this up for debate. This isn’t her fight, but his. He’ll find a way to fend it off one way or another, and he knows it won’t lift a finger to hurt Vivi.

“Okay,” Elaine nodded back, “But if it tries anything, let me know.”

“There is no need for that.”

Everyone turned to see Niniane with Vivi and Mystery behind her. Arthur had to suppress a shudder as he saw one of Niniane’s hands emit the green-blue aura and point it at the wraith. She looks really mad…!

“No way…” Vivi could be heard whispering, “The seal’s broken?”

‘Seal’? Wait, didn’t her father mention--

“So you’re the one that abused my distant grandson-in-law,” Niniane said as she held it in place with her magic, “I almost couldn’t believe it when I found out that you were still around after nearly eighteen years since your death. Most ghosts typically disappear after a few months,” she narrowed her eyes, “But that’s assuming you had let go of your desire for his death.”

“That’s—” the wraith started before Niniane brought it closer to her face.

“But at the same time, you have been sealed for over seventeen years, so maybe you’ve had plenty of time to… reflect.”

“Niniane, enough,” Arthur said, catching her attention, “This isn’t your fight.”

“Anything that involves my family is my fight, Arthur,” Niniane said simply, “I don’t see why we should leave this one on the loose. I can just easily seal it back to where it was previously, or…”

She let out a cruel smirk just before a dull blue and heart-shaped object flew out of Percy’s grasp and into her own.b

“I can just get rid of it entirely.”

She gave the metal heart a squeeze upon speaking the last word, causing the wraith to wince upon hearing a small crack–.

Arthur managed to hide his shock by swallowing his words. Still, it’s very tempting. Niniane could just easily eliminate the wraith here and now. If she did, then there would be no more burns, no more pain, and-- He glanced in Vivi’s direction and saw how distressed she is. How she looked at wanting to speak up, but unable to defy the one suppressing her. Just like how the wraith had suppressed him in the past. Gwen and Percy look terrified, too.

…This isn’t right.

“Not yet, Niniane,” Arthur said with much effort, “We can’t do that yet.”

Niniane blinked in brief surprise before looking down at Arthur with a glare, “Oh? And why should I delay in destroying this?”

“Because I need answers,” he said, “With what my uncle, the Yukino family, and the Peppers saying that they want all this to end, and why Vivi ‘snapped’ and kept hunting monsters in my name even though she never did anything to this one, or how that ghost managed to earn the kids’ trust, I need to know why.”

Niniane pondered momentarily before shrugging, "I suppose that's an understandable reason. Very well. I will allow you to question them, but I will be watching."

"No, I'll do it," Elaine said as she stepped forward to be beside Arthur, "I need you to watch after Vivian. We can't have her make her way towards us, not to mention that I don't want her to get hurt by that 'dog' again."

Niniane glared at Vivi and Mystery's direction briefly, then nodded, "Very well, Elaine. I will leave this to you. If any of them do go out of line, do whatever you wish," she handed the heart over to her distant granddaughter, "I trust you will make a good decision. And the children?"

"We're staying," Percy said as he and Gwen stood by their father's side, “It may not look like it, but it’s pretty much my fault that we’re in this in the first place.”

Arthur was about to rebuke his son before stopping himself. Like it or not, Percy is responsible for allowing Mr. Yukino to identify him out of an online article by wearing the skull pin and his resemblance to him, and he might be at fault for getting the attention of the Mystery Skulls, too.

But in the end, it’s Arthur’s own fault to allow any of this to happen.

Forget the blame game. Just get this over with. Get the answers I need, and just let this thing die once and for all.

The lives of his three children depend on it.

“I understand. I shall do as you ask,” Niniane straightened herself and shifted her gaze to the wraith and the Mystery Skulls with a narrow glare before walking away, “But like I said earlier, if they were to step out of line, there will be no mercy.”

Arthur watched Niniane leave. A part of him didn’t want her to, but something in his mind is telling him that it was probably for the best that the old woman isn’t involved in this. On a separate note, he could only hope that Morgan is keeping Lance and the Peppers in line, for he didn’t want to get them involved in this, either.

Now, it’s just him, Elaine, the twins, Vivi, her son, Mystery, and now the wraith.

“Jason,” Vivi broke the silence as she kneeled down to her son, “Could you stay with Belle for a while? I need to have a special talk with these people.”

“Do I have to?” Jason asked meekly, “I thought I could play with Gwen and Percy? They’re better than all my classmates.”

“That right?” Vivi gave out an exasperated yet fond smile, “Tell you what, if all goes well, then you can play with them again when we’re done talking.”

Jason looked like he wanted to speak up, but he nodded before giving Gwen and Percy a shy wave. He said something about wanting to talk more about robotics with the twins nodding, then left the living room after looking back a few times.

“Sorry, I didn’t want him involved in this,” Vivi said as she stood back on her feet. She looked at both Arthur and his family, then at the wraith and Mystery before speaking to Arthur, “So… You’re married. With kids.”

Arthur took a moment to make sure that he was between the Mystery Skulls and the twins. It became a comfort when he saw Elaine follow suit and hold his hand like she always did during the nightmares to make sure the wraith wasn’t near the children either. Whatever connection he had with the Mystery Skulls has long been shattered, and he managed to make a new one with the Knights family after meeting Elaine.

“You make it sound like that’s a bad thing,” he said while seeing the wraith slowly fiddle with the blue box in its hands, “Still, my condolences for your husband’s passing. He must have been a great man since your family left a shrine for him.”

Like me, she has also moved on from the past.

“You would’ve liked Harry,” Vivi smiled sadly, “Even though the way we got together was… less than ideal, we were able to love one another regardless. He loved me, and he loved our son.”

Something tells me that I shouldn’t pry further…

“But that’s not what’s important right now,” Vivi started to make a move towards him, only to immediately back off upon seeing his glare, “You know how shortly after you left, this town became cursed? By the demon that ruined everything?”

“You need me to help you break it,” Arthur said, unconvinced with his arms crossed, “You realize that I’m not really inclined to help you after you and Mystery almost killed my children.”

“She what?!” The wraith reeled back before turning to the woman in blue, “Vivi, why would you do that?! What were you even doing all this time that made you go after kids?!”

“They can transform into monsters!” Vivi said loudly, “I didn’t know they were Arthur’s kids!”

“Wait, so if we weren’t Daddy’s kids, you would’ve just gone after us no matter what?” Gwen asked as she glared at Vivi.

“None of this would've happened if you hadn’t attacked us in the first place!” Percy looked down on the fake dog, “We were just minding our own business until you showed up saying we shouldn’t exist!”

“We can only apologize for that. We thought you had done something to Arthur when I picked up his scent from the three of you,” Mystery said to Percy, “If we had seen you as you are now, even we would’ve picked up on the fact that you are his son, or at least someone related to him.”

Seeing his children becoming more involved with the monsters of his past is starting to become too much. Arthur covered his ears and started humming the lullaby quickly to himself to drown out the sound. He didn’t care that the lullaby would hurt him. He didn’t want to hear the madness anymore. No more! Please! No more!

“Arthur, isn’t that my--?”

“Oh, shut up! Don’t think we didn’t forget how that bitch nearly chopped up our sister! You’re lucky that she missed, or I would’ve gone for her throat instead of her hair!” Percy growled as he made the throat slash gesture with his thumb upon saying it, “Unlike necks, hair can grow back.”

“So you would have killed her?!” Mystery bared his teeth upon hearing the thought of Vivi’s safety being threatened, “I’m not sure if that would’ve been a wise choice. If that Gashadokuro hadn’t appeared, I would have made you regret making that move.”

“I’m right here, mutt,” Elaine said slowly as her right arm, the hand holding the heart, became skeletal with a black and purple flame, her left eye also glowing purple as she glared at the fake dog that just realized his mistake, “Care to repeat that in front of their mother?”

There was a long silence.

Or rather. It went blank for Arthur. They’re still talking. Still arguing. He set his arms down.

That’s right.

These three, the Mystery Skulls and a monster, tried to harm his children. The wraith might seem against the idea, but he knew the wraith would take away anything Arthur held dear like it had done in the past just to see him in pain.

Not.

This.

Time.

“ARTHUR!” “What are you--?!” “DAD!” “DADDY?!”

Arthur kicked Mystery away from the kids amidst the screams and glared at the fake dog when he gave him a look of disbelief. He never wanted to hear Vivian cry like she had earlier today ever again.

“Arthur,” Elaine immediately went back to normal and came to his side, “Don’t push yourself.”

Upon seeing it, Arthur snatched the heart from Elaine’s grasp with his left hand. He tried to keep his breathing stable, but it’s getting harder and harder to breathe…

…What is this? Why is it so dark and purple?

…

How long has it been? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? …Centuries? The passage of time has long been lost.

Nothing but regrets, nothing but sorrow, nothing but the memories that used to give him a sick sense of satisfaction that now bring him an even more sickening sense of regret and shame.

It’s what he deserved. He knew that.

He could still sense what is going on outside his prison… somewhat at least. His little helpers, the Dead Beats, that were extensions of himself still wandered over yonder here and there, but even though they’re essentially his eyes and ears, they can only sense so much in their extremely weakened state. He has no idea how long it’s been since he was left here to rot by the old traditional shrine maiden that knew how to use the paper seals and chants that could exorcise even the strongest of demons. At the same time, he didn’t know why she chose to seal him instead of eliminating him entirely.

He is aware that he brought this outcome of ruin upon himself, being sealed with the one that ruined everything. The memories it haunted him with within the darkened green, such as the ones he used to be proud of, only brought anger and disappointment upon itself. Sometimes it would leave him alone, and he made sure to treasure those moments of relief. No moment of peace except for these rare precious moments. Despite this, he couldn’t let his guard down and was always on edge.

The fact that it used him to hurt his parents will… It made him feel violated more than he cared to admit.

He has no doubt that this is all what Arthur went though, as well. He wondered if the mechanic is even still alive.

Every once in a while, he would try to distract himself from the now painful memories by singing his song with his little helpers. Sometimes he would sing it the way it’s supposed to, other times he would sing it more sadly and melancholy.

This time I might just disappear…

He chose to sing it slowly and softly this time. The green hasn’t tried to disturb him for a while.

All of a sudden, he sensed something outside. He couldn’t tell what it was since his little helpers were so weak. He couldn’t see them, but he could feel them. Two… no, three? New presences near his prison’s proximity. He may not be able to do anything from where he is, but he hoped that his little helpers would lead them away to safety.

…They’re not leaving. One can float around. But it’s so small… Unless he is wrong, the floating one is… searching for something? The other two that can walk are trying to pursue the one that floats. What are the Dead Beats doing? They’re trying to get into contact with the three, but something is holding them back. One had enough, and so it used a trapdoor to catch the three by surprise. Why are the Dead Beats trying to bring the three to him? There's nothing he can do.

Oh, the one that can fly took one of the two, while the remaining kept falling.

"--en!"

A young boy's voice. Maybe someone calling out to their partner? He wanted to help, but as long as the seal remains intact, he can't leave, let alone move.

A yelp of pain in a girl's voice. She sounds hurt. Did she fall that badly? Is this the person the other voice he heard just moments earlier call out to? Before he could question it any further, something in his vision changed. It's faint, but light started to crack vertically in front of him. To his surprise, when he tried to reach out, he found that he could move. His fingers came into contact with the side of what felt like a lid. He pulled it to the side as hard as he could.

The lid of his coffin fell off with a loud clatter, and he quickly shut his eyes against the bright light.

Am I… free?

Does this mean that Arthur is here?

"Oh… f-frick…"

He slowly opened his eyes to adjust to the light, which isn't much. When his vision cleared, he saw-- That's not Arthur. It's just a kid, a young girl with dark hair and gray overalls, staring at him with an alarmed expression though her eyes.  But the only way for him to be released from his prison based on what the old shrine maiden had said…

“Only those that come after in blood of whose soul you’ve hurt.”

Although he has no idea how, this child is someone that has fit the criteria the shrine maiden had placed. Maybe she knows where Arthur is, or at least what happened to the world outside after he was sealed.

He looked down at himself briefly before shifting his focus to his heart. Still dark in color, and heavily cracked like it had been ever since he realized his mistake too late. How long has it been? What does he even look like now? He thought about looking into his heart, but instead looked up at the child before him.

"You…"

He started as he began to move forward, reaching out for her. Maybe he could lead her back to her two companions and then out of his prison? He tried to speak except he couldn't form the words other than "You."

The way the girl reacted with alarm before running off… felt familiar. He realized that he could move still, so he started to float and moved to follow her. He had to make sure she didn't fall into a trap or worse, encounter the green.

She saw him pursue her. As she continued to run away, she lifted an arm to his direction. He wondered what she was doing before seeing something sparkle in her hands and realized it immediately. She has magic. Why does it feel so cold? He didn't want to hurt her, so he lifted his hand to burn away the ice and nothing else. He tried to speak, but for some reason, he couldn't remember the words he wanted to say. What were they again? He knew how to say his name and one other.

"Arrrrth…"

"No no no no no no no no!" The girl just kept repeating the word, probably more to herself than anything else. She's a lot faster than he thought. How familiar. Maybe he can still warp the place like he used to before he was trapped here?

He knows most of the doors were basically portals that led to other doors meant to confuse people, so when the girl ran into one of the many doors in the hallway, she came out of another door in the same area just a little further down. When she saw him, she briefly looked annoyed, and then kept running in the long hallway and ignored the remaining doors altogether.

He needs to find a way to let her know he means no harm. It took some effort, but soon he was able to conjure a wall to cut off the girl's path to where only two pathways remain. The first path being the way they came, the other being another hall that neither had gotten to yet. Either way, he managed to effectively trap her in a corner.

"You… Arrrrrth…" Why can't he speak properly?! He just wanted to talk to her…

Something must have caught the girl's attention, as she soon went from a guarded stance to one of confusion.

"Are you… trying to say something?"

He looked up at her and nodded.

“You’re not going to hurt me, are you?”

He shook his head.

“Raise your left hand if you understand me.”

He did so.

She looked hesitant before standing up straight, “You’re definitely a wraith. The only way for something like you to exist was if you died a very violent death, and in your last moments, having a very strong desire. In other words, you have unfinished business here, right? Someone murdered you.”

He nodded. When the girl didn’t make a response, he looked down at his heart. Maybe if he shows her the photo inside, she’ll recognize any of the people in it? He allowed his heart to approach the girl for her to look. Just as if she was about to take hold of it--

“GWEN!”

He couldn’t believe his eyes.

“Back off, you skull ghost!”

Standing in front of the girl, shielding her from him is—! He realized that he is shaking, that he is crying, “Arrrrttthhhh… You…”

Arthur looked taken aback, “Wha--? Why are you--”

Before anyone realized it, he held Arthur in his arms in a soft embrace.

“Arthur, it is you!”

There isn’t any green. He didn’t want to let Arthur go, otherwise it would mean that this isn’t real.

He wanted to let Arthur know how sorry he is and that he learned from his mistake. That maybe things will work out. That maybe, just maybe, things could go back to what everything once was. To be a team again. Maybe get Vivi and then ask Arthur that question with her one more time and hope that he accepts it. That maybe, just maybe, Arthur will forgive him.

And maybe, just maybe… He thought more to himself as he gently held Arthur, who remained still with a look of confusion, by the shoulders to look into the gentle blue eyes he always knew--

…

…

…Wait.

Arthur doesn’t have blue eyes. They’re supposed to be gold like his hair. He’s also supposed to have a patch of dark hair just above his forehead, not white.

Upon closer inspection, he realized that the not-Arthur before him isn’t even an adult, but a child that just reached his teens, just like the girl behind the boy that somehow opened his prison. He took a moment to take in the features of the boy before him. The spiky hair, the way the patch of hair above his forehead looks outside of color, his jawline, his general stature, it’s beyond unmistakable.

It’s not Arthur, but he didn’t doubt this boy is related to him some way.

What sealed it was when he saw a familiar pin on the boy’s vest, one of the Mystery Skulls logo. Unless it’s a replica, only three are supposed to exist, but since it looks so beat up…

Looking at the girl, she doesn’t look like anyone he knew, but he soon found what he was missing. Her eyes were the same gold color as Arthur’s. He then saw her headband with a somewhat beaten blue circle just above her right ear.

“Hey,” the girl asked, her voice shaking, “Do you know this ‘Arthur’s’ last name?”

It took him a moment to answer, “K-King…”

“'Kingsmen'?” the boy suddenly asked, and when he nodded, the two children looked at each other as if realizing something before the boy spoke up again, “Hey, do you remember when you died? Like, the date and year?”

He told them.

“That’s… that’s over seventeen years ago!”

…Seventeen… years?

His heart fell to the floor and cracked.

…

…

…

Huh? 

Arthur blinked and looked up at the wraith. If what he saw was true…

He gritted his teeth. He won’t accept it. He just can’t.

 He glared at the Mystery Skulls while holding on to the heart to the with a tight grip. 

“I don’t know what you Skulls have been doing while I was away, and frankly, I don’t even care,” Arthur seethed as he glared at Vivi, “I let you all do whatever you wanted with me because I know that everything was my fault. Your parents said so, as did Lewis’s family, and as did that monster beside you that you kept because of your damn obsession.”

His grip on the wraith’s heart tightened. The wraith winced. Vivi and Mystery looked taken aback.

“I let that monster have its way with me for the six months we stayed with it because it was the only way you would be happy. I had to learn the rules through trial and error so I wouldn’t go through any more of this,” Arthur pulled on the turtleneck of his sweater to reveal the burn mark on his throat briefly before releasing it, “Just so you could stay happy. But no matter what I did to atone, it wasn’t enough. Not for your family, not for the Peppers, and certainly not for that wraith that’s only been kind to you.”

Vivi is trembling. It would have pained Arthur to see it, but he no longer cared. Not after what she nearly did to his son and daughters, to Elaine’s treasured miracles.

He noticed Elaine’s hand wrap itself around his right shoulder and felt relieved, even though he dared not show it. Not in front of the wraith and the fox.

“What… What were the rules?” Vivi asked with a shaky voice.

Arthur rolled his eyes in irritation. Typical for the wraith to stay silent and play dumb around Vivi like it always did.

“I was not to be alone with you for even a moment, let alone speak to you, even if you were the one to reach out. I was not to perform maintenance on my arm. I was to go first on investigations, entering rooms, crossing streets. After all, you wouldn’t want me to push you to your death, too, now would you? I was not to do any more maintenance for the van, let alone drive it anymore. For all you know, I could’ve tampered with it to stage an accident, even though everyone here knows very well that the mechanic in me would never do that. I was to never sleep past a certain time, even on the few nights where I wouldn’t have nightmares and hopefully, finally, get a full night’s rest for once. Or else I would just be forcefully dragged out of bed and get punished. For all anyone knows, I could’ve been plotting something. ‘No rest for the wicked,’ as the saying goes.”

The Mystery Skulls were looking more and more sick as Vivi looked more and more angry at the wraith with tears starting to form in her eyes. Sucks to be them.

He didn’t dare look at his family right now.

“I was not to eat anything unless all three of us were present. And even then, that had some rules. I wasn’t to eat any of my favorite foods, or anything from the Pepper Paradiso, even if you were the one that provided it to me. Although that one will forever stick after not only getting beaten for it, but also getting tampered food that made me sick at least twice, from cookies with the icing switched to paste to that one meal that had arsenic in it. The only reason I didn’t require a hospital visit for that one was no doubt because I somehow developed a tolerance for it.”

Arthur briefly paused as he noticed Elaine’s fingers twitching at what he just said earlier before continuing.

“Or maybe it was something else, I don’t know or even care. Either way, I had to go without food for days at a time until I had to go to work with Lance, and in the few times I couldn’t I had to resort to eating the weeds outside.”

He felt Elaine’s grip on his arm tighten slightly and heard her whisper his name. He knew that this is the first time she would be hearing about everything he went through in painful detail.

He hated it.

“Your parents, mainly your father, blamed me for your amnesia, when in actuality the wraith was the one that did it to you. The Peppers, on the other hand, told me multiple times that I should’ve been the one who died that day. It’s true, though. Their son’s life had more meaning than mine, after all. I mean, who would you save? A man that has many connections and a promising life ahead of him, or a screwed-up mechanic that was thrown away by his parents with more issues than the stars in the sky?”

Anything I did to make up for what I’ve done, all that I tried to do to heal the damage I caused, was never enough.

“Arthur, why didn’t you say anything?!” Vivi is crying now, “Why?!”

Arthur gritted his teeth, “You were finally happy after everything that went wrong because of me when you were with that ghost. How could I take that away from you again?”

Vivi is trembling, “Even so, you should’ve told me. I could have done something!”

“Not like I could,” Arthur said as he tossed the heart behind him and jammed a finger at the wraith while keeping his attention towards Vivi, “You were pretty forgetful ever since the incident.”

There was a long silence.

“Arthur, are you saying what I think you just said?” Elaine finally asked before furiously pointing at the wraith, “You mean to tell me that he’s been controlling Yukino’s memory the entire time!?”

The wraith looked away. Honestly, its unnerved Arthur that it was showing such human and Lewis-like mannerisms.

“It did erase her memory of Lewis dying, and then Lewis in general. So it wouldn’t surprise me if it could do more than that,” Arthur said, “Either way, so long as I ‘behaved,’ she wouldn’t know. The least I could do was make sure that it didn’t tamper with her memory anymore that it did.”

“Lewis, just why would you—!” Vivi shook her head before turning back to Arthur, “Then why didn’t you tell your uncle anything?! He could’ve done something to help you, instead!”

“All he’d do is pump that shotgun and make things worse,” Arthur spat, “We were lucky the last time that happened. I’m not risking a repeat.”

The sound of the shotgun is not something Arthur would want to hear again, that’s for sure. Not to mention that in the present, as much as Lance means well, Arthur knows that his uncle could very easily kill the children by accident should he mistake them for monsters like Vivi had, or worse, getting caught in the crossfire.

…He shuddered and struggled not to picture any of his family having big gaping wounds or being outright headless.

If anything, this just means that he can’t trust anyone from Tempo. No one.

It hurt. More than he cares to admit.

“That thing wanted me gone. That thing wanted me to disappear. But you didn’t, Vivi. You had me stay, and so that wraith had to make do with things like this,” he pointed at his own neck before pulling at his right sleeve to show the faint hand-shaped burn on his forearm, “And left me with more reminders of my inability to do anything more than I care to count! But I accepted it. It is my fault, after all. That demon took hold of me and had me kill Lewis. His blood is on my hands even though I never wanted it to happen!”

Vivi fell on her knees and kept crying. Mystery immediately went to her side to see if he could offer any comfort

Arthur can’t deny that seeing her in such a state is rather unsettling, but he can’t look away from it anymore. Upon seeing some movement, Arthur looked up and saw the wraith starting to lift a hand as if it wanted to comfort Vivi, only to immediately back off upon seeing Arthur’s glare.

“…Arthur.”

Something cracked.

“You have every right to hate me.”

Crack.

Arthur shuddered upon hearing the wraith speak and held on to Elaine for support. He looked around briefly to see if Gwen and Percy were still around, and briefly saw red as he noticed his son cradling the wraith’s heart in his hands.

“No number of apologies will ever make up for what I did to you, but I still want to say that I’m sorry.”

Crack.

What is this feeling of… sorrow(?) welling up in his throat. Arthur didn’t want to maintain eye contact with the wraith. That’s how it gets people off guard.

“Before you and your family destroy me, I just want to know. If you hated me that much when you left…”

Crack.

Arthur gritted his teeth.

“Why did you name your children with the names I suggested?”

Crack. Crack.

He didn’t.

- - - - - - -

“Oh wow! Look at this view, Arthur!”

The Mystery Skulls had decided to take a rest stop in Tennessee from their drive home after roughly five hours of riding. The rest stop also happened to have a scenic overlook where one could enjoy the scenery of the mountains from the interstate. It has a good view, Arthur had to admit as he leaned himself forward against the stone fence.

“Although I hear it can’t compare to what the Cantabile Mountains at the other side of the state have to offer,” Lewis laughed, “Maybe in the future we can go look?”

Arthur hummed in agreement, even though he remained more focused on reading a robotics tech magazine he had managed to obtain from a convention when they passed by a larger city the day before. The pages held some interesting ideas for prosthetics, which was something Arthur had taken an interest in as of late. He made sure to fold the corners of the pages he needed to look into later when he gets home.

Upon hearing the sound of a dog barking, Arthur looked behind him to see Vivi and Mystery running around. Mystery had been rather restless, and Arthur didn’t doubt that the bespectacled dog is more than relieved to have the opportunity to stretch his legs.

Upon seeing Vivi look so happy, something ached in Arthur’s chest. He didn’t know what to call it, but he knew better than to talk to her or Lewis about it.

“I know you’ll find someone who will love you, Arthur. I know it.”

“Yeah, right,” Arthur said as he continued to read the tech magazine in his hands, “You know how to cook while having the strength to do pretty much anything. And with Vivi’s appetite, any family you’d have with her will probably enjoy that to their heart’s content. Me? I’ve got none of that.”

“Well, actually, we still had some things to sort out before Vivi and I go that far,” Lewis said after some silence, “I mean, there’s still some stuff to work out before we can do that.”

Arthur looked up from the tech magazine he was reading and saw Vivi doing something with Mystery from the corner of his eye. He didn’t bother to pay full attention to them before shooting a glance at the man next to him. Way to be redundant, Lewis.

“Ah, sorry, I’m losing track. You see, you know I’m adopted, and I have no idea who or where my birth parents are. Don’t get me wrong, I love Mom and Dad, but sometimes I just wonder…” Lewis trailed off before giving Arthur a fearful look, “Ah, wait, that didn’t…! Crap…”

A dark cloud formed over Arthur’s head, and his mood felt worse than it already is.

Although Arthur never looked back when he went to live with his uncle after the nasty divorce between his parents, it never stopped being a sore subject for him. He didn’t deny that he would occasionally feel envious of the families Lewis and Vivi have, but Lewis just sounded so selfish there. At least he had loving parents at all, blood related or not.

Sure, he has his uncle, but sometimes Arthur wondered just what exactly a complete and loving family felt like. Arthur knows that Uncle Lance would do anything to protect him, but he isn’t exactly the best at showing affection, often displaying a gruffer side more than anything else. Arthur sighed, maybe he’s the selfish one.

“Gwen and Percy.”

“Huh?” Arthur gave Lewis an incredulous look in response to his friend’s comment out of the blue.

“If, ah, you ever have a son and a daughter, we could name them that,” Lewis laughed while leaning against the railing, “Not only would they fit in with your name like in the legends, but they’re great names by themselves, I think.”

Arthur blinked in confusion before turning his head away from Lewis, hoping that the latter wouldn’t see the blush forming on his face, “I-I guess, but you know that in order for me to even do that, I’d have to get together with someone first. And even then, I don’t know if I’d be good enough to be a father.” Let alone be a good enough partner, he mentally added with a heavy heart.

This isn’t helping his mood.

Lewis hummed in thought, “I don’t know about that. You’re actually pretty good with my sisters, and you even helped us with Paprika back when Dad and I had that car accident shortly after she was born. Mom even said that if it hadn’t been for you, she might have gone to the hospital herself from overwork. Since you’re a great babysitter, I’d say you’d make a great dad.”

Well, he can’t… deny that. Somewhat.

“Still, you’d make a better parent than me, though.”

Lewis didn’t respond immediately, which made Arthur wonder if he had said it with more bite than he intended. Having to watch Lewis and Vivi being all lovey-dovey and virtually ignoring him outside some quick glances throughout the entire drive to where they are now didn’t help matters. Sometimes, he wondered if they even wanted him around anymore. It hurts more than he’d like to admit.

Still. Him? A father? Someone’s significant other? That’ll be the day.

As far as Arthur knows, he’s most likely ace or aro or whatever the heck the label is called. He had tried to figure out what exactly it is through online research, but with so many terms that seem to get added every week, combined with the rather toxic influence with people saying on what is acceptable and what is not only to find the whole thing turned around on its head, or what is “something-phobic” based on what his initial assumptions on the two (or more) terms were, Arthur never bothered consulting any of the online communities and gave up entirely. To him, it was just more trouble than it’s worth.

Then again, it’s probably not wise asking online strangers for help on something like this anyway. Especially once he started finding posts that essentially held the basic message of being something akin to “this label is like this with these very certain criteria or fuck you and go die,” and even blogs that are said to be devoted to supporting these labels just can’t seem to agree with one another. Do they accept this? Do they accept that? He could never find a consistent answer.

He had thought about finding a counselor that specializes on the subject, but not only are there not any reliable-looking ones within a reasonable driving distance from Tempo, their hourly rates without proper insurance is way too high for someone like him. It’s not that Kingsmen Mechanics doesn’t provide insurance for their employees, it’s not exactly the best for those with mental needs. Lance would sometimes make an annoyed comment about that.

And then there’s the fact that Texas itself, and maybe a good chunk if not all of the remaining forty-nine states, most likely wouldn’t accept anyone outside of whoever is perceived as "hetero-normal" or whatever people call it.

Why the hell am I wasting my time thinking about this. Arthur growled to himself in frustration while trying to be quiet enough for Lewis to not notice.

After struggling to comprehend it all, it just felt so pointless. But he still wants to know why and figure it out for his own peace of mind.

As far as he knows, his name is Arthur Kingsmen, a twenty-two-year-old car mechanic and Lance’s nephew. To him, that’s all that mattered. He knows that he desires a companionship of his own like how Lewis and Vivi have for one another, but he just can’t feel the desire with any of the people he has met so far. Not to mention seeing those two together… hurt. He didn’t know why.

Maybe something is wrong with him, but he can’t impose on Vivi and Lewis like that.

And as far as Arthur also knows, he will be alone for his entire life once he goes out on his own.

He briefly entertained the idea of meeting someone, falling in love, getting married, and starting a family… but he knows that’s a mere pipe dream.

His heart ached.

…

One last case.

Just one last case, and then he will leave.

And finally go out on his own.

- - - - - - -

“Or… more accurately, why did you name them after Vivi and… after me?”

Gwen Vivi, Percy Lewis, and Vivian Lulu. The first and middle names he had given to his three children in memory of the two people he cared about.

The wall broke.

“How dare you.”

“What?”

“How dare you claim those names,” Arthur’s hands balled up into fists as angry tears leaked from his eyes, “The one who suggested those names is dead. Dead and gone. Buried!”

He glared at the wraith. He won’t fail to keep eye contact this time. He has Elaine with him, she can stop the wraith if need be.

“You can’t have them,” he seethed, “You’re not taking them to be your playthings. I won’t let you hurt them like you hurt me.”

“I would never hurt them! Why would—”

“They’re not just mine, but Elaine’s, too. Unlike me, she has nothing to do with you or any of this. I’m not going to let her get hurt because of me.”

As soon as Arthur said those words, a loud audible crack could be heard. When Arthur looked to see the source of the noise, he saw Percy still holding the heart, now nearly black in color, and open. Annoyed, Arthur took the open locket from his son’s hands and looked inside to see what it was that made the children’s faces so pale.

...

…The thing felt putrid in his hands. Filthy.

“Gwen. Percy,” Arthur said calmly, “Go to your nana. Stay by Vivian’s side. Don’t let her come in here.”

The twins looked at one another nervously.

“Please.”

It was clear that they didn’t want to, but they obeyed. After waiting a moment to make sure the twins were out of sight and hopefully out of hearing range, the fury Arthur felt slowly started to rise. Gwen and Percy, and maybe Jason, shouldn’t have seen what was inside the locket. They are not to be involved over past issues such as this.

Arthur tossed the locket at Vivi and Mystery’s feet in disgust before clutching the moon pin on his vest, “As soon as you asked me that damn question, I couldn't take it anymore. That’s why I left.”

Vivi’s eyes widened, looking torn and shaken as she picked up the locket, “Wait, you mean tha--that was all it took? Just because that we--, that I asked you out on a date?"

“That’s right,” he said as he made the move to hold Elaine’s left hand with his own, knowing that her wedding ring was visible for Vivi and the wraith to see. He then took a moment to glance at the wraith to make sure it wouldn’t get any stupid ideas before choosing to ignore the look of guilt on its face, “Lewis was your boyfriend, not me. I never wanted you projecting on the third wheel when Lewis went missing or died to be more accurate. You belonged to him.”

“Hey, I belong to no one by my own damn self, thank you very much,” Vivi snapped, “No one but I can decide what my relationships are, not some random person I don’t have any memory with anymore!” She sighed with frustration, “Did you seriously think I would flirt with someone I wasn’t interested in?!”

“Playfully, maybe. Since that’s what friends do,” Arthur shrugged as he held Elaine’s hand closer to himself, “It was still wrong, though--”

“I wanted us to be more than friends even before all that, Arthur!”

…Arthur really wished Vivi didn’t just say that.

“Wait, hold on. Let me make sure I got this straight,” Elaine raised her free hand to point a finger at Vivi, “You, Vivi Yukino, wanted to make Arthur your boyfriend even though you were already taken, and you had your memory of Lewis back when you asked Arthur that question?”

“You can have more than one significant other in a relationship,” Vivi explained, “Sure, there was a huge stigma for polyamorous relationships even back then, but we weren’t going to let that get in the way.”

Arthur risked a glance at the wraith. Curiously, it kept its head hung down, not looking at anyone. He really, really didn’t like the way it’s presenting itself right now, looking like a scolded child. Lewis would have that exact same expression in the few times he had been scolded by Vivi for some reason, and that disturbed him more than he cares to admit.

When Arthur thought about the past, he knew what it was that had become so painful for him whenever he saw Lewis and Vivi being together as partners. He wanted to be a part of that circle, but he knew that deep down, it was entirely selfish of him to want such a thing. What made it worse was that he didn’t even realize it was love he was feeling for Vivi and Lewis until he had realized his feelings for Elaine when she won his heart.

Well, even then, it’s too little, too late. Lewis is gone and dating Vivi after learning of the former’s fate would just be an insult to the dead. Plus, he didn’t want Vivi to project Lewis through him. In the end, there is no point in reminiscing the past or wondering about how things would’ve gone had Lewis not died, had the Mystery Skulls not gone into that cave.

What’s done is done.

“Before I died,” Arthur stiffened upon hearing the wraith speak, “Vivi and I had discussed our feelings for one another and for Arthur once we realized it. We even tried giving him hints and even flirted with him at times, but he always seemed to miss them every time. We were beginning to think he was ace/aro at that point.”

It took a lot of willpower on Arthur’s part to keep himself from shuddering. Shut up. Stop talking.

“Um, yeah, as far as I know, Arthur never knew how to flirt,” Elaine said with a somewhat exasperated breath, “I just kept inviting him to weekly dates and tested the waters little by little with his consent until I knew how he clicked. We were friends first, then we started dating casually, then seriously, and then to where we are now.”

Unlike what happed with Vivi and Lewis, Elaine was never subtle about her feelings for me. Even though I never knew how to flirt, even I could pick up the cues she was giving me. She always told me that she liked me, that she cared, and that she wanted me around. She invited me to cafes, to parks, to the mountain ranges, to peaceful places. She acted like my life mattered. Whenever she took a step forward, she would talk to me. She would communicate with me. I would have never confessed to her had she’d not done that.

I stopped bothering with the labels. It’s pointless. All that matters is that I know my name, and I love Elaine. That’s it.

“Eventually, we decided to just outright tell him after we finished exploring the cave,” Vivi averted her eyes with a sad expression, “But you know that never came to pass.”

Upon hearing those words, Arthur’s chest ached with a familiar sensation of doubt and a heavy tightness as he looked at his left arm. The awful feeling of loneliness, conflicted feelings, and a heartbreak that never completely went away. Arthur quietly took a deep breath. He would be lying if he were to admit that he didn’t feel anything for Vivi and Lewis anymore, but most of the desire had faded. He felt nothing for the wraith.

He gave his heart to Elaine. He won’t betray her like that. He won’t let her go through such heartbreak ever again.

“I see,” Elanie sighed as she gave Arthur’s hand a squeeze, letting him know she’s still with him, “Since we’re on the subject, perhaps you can actually answer this question since both your parents and the Peppers didn’t give me the full story. From what they told me; things have ‘gone straight to hell’ when Arthur left your lives.”

Arthur could’ve sworn he saw one of Elaine’s eyes glow when he saw her narrow her gaze at Vivi.

“What happened in Tempo after that?”

Neither Vivi nor the wraith responded. They just looked down in shame. Arthur didn’t see a reason to pity them anymore.

“I guess it’s my turn to explain things.”

Arthur nearly jumped when he heard Mystery speak. Had he seriously forgotten that the kitsune disguised as a dog is still around? Even though he was right beside Vivi the whole time.

“Go on,” Elaine looked down at the dog with contempt, “And do not leave out a single detail. Tell me everything.”

“Very well,” Mystery took a deep breath, “As we’ve said before, it all started when Vivi got the phone call from Lance. None of us knew that Arthur had left for a ‘solo vacation’ after he finished his work here. So when Lance called police to help locate Arthur, he came to our place. That’s when he found all the evidence that clued us in that Arthur had been abused by Lewis ever since we reunited. While Vivi’s memory issues is one thing, I do not have any excuse for not noticing Arthur’s pain. I was too focused on watching out for Vivi’s health as I am bound to her.”

A hitched breath from Vivi caught Arthur’s attention. She looks angry, “After you left, when I found out about what my parents and the Peppers… and Lewis have done to you, I was livid. I told them all that if they had to blame someone, they should’ve blamed me.

“I am the leader of the Mystery Skulls, so the wellbeing of everyone was my responsibility. I failed to do that when we went to that cave. If I hadn’t brought us there, or if I hadn’t brushed off your concerns, or had I not suggested we split up,” Vivi sighed before continuing, “Or had Lewis and I talked with you about our feelings before instead of after that cave, then none of this would have happened to us. The one that caused the series of events that led to Lewis getting killed was me. So it’s my fault, Arthur. Not yours. If anything, I should’ve been the one receiving all that abuse from Lewis and the others instead of you. Not that it makes things any better, of course, but still.”

Don’t say that. Don’t say that Lewis is--

“Continuing from where we left off, Vivi and I were trying to search for you by checking whatever leads we could get. All we knew from the police reports was that you had taken a bus to a route leading out to the east of Tempo, transferred a few times within the span of two days, and then boarded a bus that was reported to have dropped you off somewhere in the mountains of Tennessee,” Mystery said, “We elected to have Lewis stay behind since we couldn’t trust him with your wellbeing, but that became our worst mistake.”

The wraith looked at the blue box in its hand, “The demon that killed me… was still around. It took hold of my father and almost killed Paprika by putting a knife to her throat. If I hadn’t been around, then she would’ve died. Vivi was able to save him by,” the wraith shuddered, “By freezing his hand off, but then the demon took hold of me. My mother got caught in the crossfire when she was taking my father and sisters to safety.”

A chill went up in Arthur’s spine. He knew that experience firsthand. A human falling under possession is one thing, but anything that actually has powers that normal people like him aren’t capable of doing? He glanced at Elaine to see how she’s faring and could only feel somewhat relieved upon seeing that she hasn’t changed her scrutiny of the Mystery Skulls.

Although Arthur shuddered that the wraith just kept talking, he didn’t know if it was from hearing it speak or finally knowing why Mrs. Pepper’s body is so full of burn scars. The burns he received from the wraith were tame in comparison. For him, he could just hide them under his clothes. Mrs. Pepper, not so much.

“Vivi and Mystery were able to expel the demon from me, but then Vivi’s grandmother sealed me within my home.”

“Obaa-san said that the seal could be broken by ‘only those that come after in blood of whose soul you’ve hurt,’” Vivi quotes with her fingers, “Since Arthur was hurt by Lewis, Mystery and I knew that we needed him to break it. But there’s one thing I don’t quite understand, Arthur didn’t go anywhere near where Lewis was, so how was the seal broken?”

Vivi, stop calling that thing Lew—

“…Arthur’s children,” Mystery perked up in realization, “If we take ‘only those that come after in blood’ to mean his descendants, then they easily fill the criteria since they’re descended from his bloodline. I do remember Fuyuko-sama once saying that Arthur is an ‘herbivore,’ so to speak. She may have intended for the conditions of removing the seal to be impossible, as she may have thought that Arthur would never have a child, let alone get together with someone. It makes sense.”

Arthur and Elaine looked at one another briefly, the former feeling very uncomfortable. Neither of them liked the fact that Gwen, Percy, and Vivian have more involvement than they thought.

“Well, either way,” Vivi sighed before crossing her arms, “Since Lewis is here, that means all we need to do now is find the demon that tore us apart and cursed this town, and then we can finally end this nightmare. And then once we take that thing once and for all, we all just… talk. Hopefully patch up things and then just,” she let a hard breath, “I don’t know, go from there.”

Getting rid of that wraith would be a real good start.

“About the demon,” the wraith said, “Before your grandmother sealed me, I managed to take it down with me. It was actually because of it that I… ended up learning of everything it made Arthur do to kill me, and then how it caught up to us before we managed to briefly defeat it.”

There was a silence.

“Wait, what the fuck?” Vivi’s voice is steadily rising in volume, “Mystery and I were looking for that thing ever since Arthur left, and you mean to tell me that it’s been with you the entire time?! That thing was torturing the town for over seventeen years!”

“I didn’t even know it’s been seventeen years until Gwen and Percy told me right after the seal was broken! Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to process that?! They were will filling me in on what I had missed and were just about to get to my sisters until you all came in!” It held up the blue box in it hand, “I held on to this ever since Paprika gave it to me!”

Who gave you the right to call them by their names? Arthur bit his lip in anger. They’re not yours.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold up, hold up,” Elaine let go of Arthur and put herself between Vivi and the wraith before giving the latter a pointed look, “To make sure I have this straight. You had been sealed by Yukino’s grandmother, along with the demon, right?”

“Yes...”

“And my and Arthur’s children had broken that seal, therefore freeing you.”

“That’s… right.”

“So if you’re here, then where’s the demon now?”

Arthur’s blood went cold. He looked behind him before running out of the room.

The kids!

As he ran, his anger could not be contained. As a father, he will do whatever it takes to keep his children safe for their sake, and for Elaine’s.

The wraith is too dangerous to keep around.

- - - - - - -

The hunt is over!

And now you are mine!

Hide in shadows give you safety, baby...

But not this time!

...

...

...

You really like to think the contrary, don’t you?

Part 20: Your Enemy???! 

[rabbitcruiser]

Vernal/Spring Equinox

The March Equinox is an annual celebration that occurs on March 20. In the Northern Hemisphere, the March Equinox is referred to as the vernal equinox. It marks the start of Spring in the Northern Hemisphere and the autumn season in the Southern Hemisphere. It marks the Sun’s crossing above the Earth’s equator, moving from south to north. Like all equinoxes, the March equinox is distinctive in that it has almost exactly the equal amount of daylight and nights across many latitudes of Earth.

History of March Equinox

Wherever you may be on Earth, the equinox brings us several seasonal effects which have been noticeable to nature lovers around the globe for years. The word ‘equinox’ originates from two Latin words: ‘aequus’ meaning equal and ‘nox’ meaning night. The literal meaning is ‘equal night.’ Our ancestors, who had far less precise timekeeping than we do, believed that night and day were equal. But today we know this is not true.

People have been celebrating the March Equinox for centuries and since it is associated with spring the festivals tend to celebrate fertility and agriculture. The Romans used this day to celebrate their goddess Cybele who has driven around in a chariot drawn by lions. Ancient Persia in roughly 550 B.C., celebrated the vernal equinox as Nowruz, their New Year. Modern Iranians still celebrate this time as their New Year. During the era of the Shang Dynasty, which ruled China from 1600 to 1046 B.C., it was believed that the spring equinox marked a mythic beginning, a type of ‘start of their line.’ Jews in the 12th Century believed that the spring equinox marked the day in the year in which the Biblical plague that turned Egypt’s water into blood occurred.

The festival of ‘Holi’ is the March equinox festival in India. This is celebrated in honor of various Hindu deities and legends. It signals the triumph of Good vs Evil, the most notable being the legend of Krishna and Rhada. Ancient cultures had great awareness of nature, the seasons, and the movement of the celestial bodies. Many built sites that had a glaringly obvious use: that of a calendar. These were often aligned to display shafts of sunlight during solstices and equinoxes. Examples of these are Chichen Itza in Mexico, Mnajdra Temples in Malta, and Stonehenge in England.

March Equinox timeline

Before the year 68 B.C.The Sun Lines Up in Aries

The sun lines up with Aries on the spring equinox but in 2567 the sun will line up with the constellation Aquarius.

2700 B.C.The Egyptian Easter Monday

Sham el-Nessim is an ancient Egyptian holiday that can be traced back to 2700 B.C.

1582The Gregorian Calendar Created

The Gregorian calendar is created and is based on the March equinox, falling from March 11 to March 21, the date it occurred in 325 CE.

1948Japanese Make Holiday Secular

In Japan, those who practiced Shintoism used the March equinox to honor their ancestors.

March Equinox FAQs

What happens during the March equinox?

During this time the Sun will cross the celestial equator from the south to the north.

What is the spiritual meaning?

Tradition states that this is the time to cleanse out old energy at home and with oneself.

Why is equinox important?

Equinox is important because it points to changing seasons.

March Equinox Activities

Spring Clean

Do some gardening

Visit ancient sites

The March equinox is the perfect time to give your house an overhaul. Start by decluttering your house.

Growth symbolizes triumph over death and being reborn therefore it has become a tradition to plant seeds at this time of the year. Add some colorful flowers to your garden to celebrate spring.

Various ancient sites are linked to March equinox celebrations and traditions. Pack a bag, call a friend or two and set out on an adventure.

5 Facts About The March Equinox

The sun rises and sets the fastest

Spring occurs on two different days

It’s Mother's day

It marks the middle of Spring

It signals the start of a festival

The fastest sunsets and sunrises occur during this time of the year.

There are two different calendars: the astronomical and the meteorological calendar. If we go by the astronomical calendar, spring will fall on March 20 but if we go by the other, spring will occur on March 1.

In Arab countries, Mother's Day is often observed on the March equinox.

In East Asian countries the March equinox marks the halfway point of spring.

Boatyard employees and sailboat owners in the U.S hold the Burning of the Socks festival where socks are burnt to celebrate the warmer weather.

Why We Love March Equinox

It is celebrated around the world

It signals new beginnings

Days are longer

The March equinox is celebrated by many cultures around the world. We love that it has a unifying factor.

The March equinox symbolizes growth and new beginnings. It is a clear marker of the change from winter to spring.

Along with longer days, the weather starts to warm up as well. Nature reflects this change with the blooming of new flowers and plants.

Source

[kny111]

An epidemic curve has a relatively predictable upslope and once the peak is reached, the back slope can also be predicted. We have robust data from the outbreaks in China and Italy, that shows the backside of the mortality curve declines slowly, with deaths persisting for months. Assuming we have just crested in deaths at 70k, it is possible that we lose another 70,000 people over the next 6 weeks as we come off that peak. That's what's going to happen with a lockdown.

As states reopen, and we give the virus more fuel, all bets are off. I understand the reasons for reopening the economy, but I've said before, if you don't solve the biology, the economy won't recover.

There are very few states that have demonstrated a sustained decline in numbers of new infections. Indeed, as of May 3rd the majority are still increasing and reopening. As a simple example of the USA trend, when you take out the data from New York and just look at the rest of the USA, daily case numbers are increasing. Bottom line: the only reason the total USA new case numbers look flat right now is because the New York City epidemic was so large and now it is being contained.

So throughout most of the country we are going to add fuel to the viral fire by reopening. It's going to happen if I like it or not, so my goal here is to try to guide you away from situations of high risk.

Where are people getting sick?

We know most people get infected in their own home. A household member contracts the virus in the community and brings it into the house where sustained contact between household members leads to infection.

But where are people contracting the infection in the community? I regularly hear people worrying about grocery stores, bike rides, inconsiderate runners who are not wearing masks.... are these places of concern? Well, not really. Let me explain.

In order to get infected you need to get exposed to an infectious dose of the virus; based on infectious dose studies with other coronaviruses, it appears that only small doses may be needed for infection to take hold. Some experts estimate that as few as 1000 SARS-CoV2 infectious viral particles are all that will be needed (ref 1, ref 2). Please note, this still needs to be determined experimentally, but we can use that number to demonstrate how infection can occur. Infection could occur, through 1000 infectious viral particles you receive in one breath or from one eye-rub, or 100 viral particles inhaled with each breath over 10 breaths, or 10 viral particles with 100 breaths. Each of these situations can lead to an infection.

How much Virus is released into the environment?

A Bathroom: Bathrooms have a lot of high touch surfaces, door handles, faucets, stall doors. So fomite transfer risk in this environment can be high. We still do not know whether a person releases infectious material in feces or just fragmented virus, but we do know that toilet flushing does aerosolize many droplets. Treat public bathrooms with extra caution (surface and air), until we know more about the risk.

A Cough: A single cough releases about 3,000 droplets and droplets travels at 50 miles per hour. Most droplets are large, and fall quickly (gravity), but many do stay in the air and can travel across a room in a few seconds.

A Sneeze: A single sneeze releases about 30,000 droplets, with droplets traveling at up to 200 miles per hour. Most droplets are small and travel great distances (easily across a room).

If a person is infected, the droplets in a single cough or sneeze may contain as many as 200,000,000 (two hundred million) virus particles which can all be dispersed into the environment around them.

A breath: A single breath releases 50 - 5000 droplets. Most of these droplets are low velocity and fall to the ground quickly. There are even fewer droplets released through nose-breathing. Importantly, due to the lack of exhalation force with a breath, viral particles from the lower respiratory areas are not expelled.

Unlike sneezing and coughing which release huge amounts of viral material, the respiratory droplets released from breathing only contain low levels of virus. We don't have a number for SARS-CoV2 yet, but we can use influenza as a guide. Studies have shown that a person infected with influenza can releases up to 33 infectious viral particles per minute.  But I'm going to use 20 to keep the math simple.

Remember the formula: Successful Infection = Exposure to Virus x Time

If a person coughs or sneezes, those 200,000,000 viral particles go everywhere. Some virus hangs in the air, some falls into surfaces, most falls to the ground. So if you are face-to-face with a person, having a conversation, and that person sneezes or coughs straight at you, it's pretty easy to see how it is possible to inhale 1,000 virus particles and become infected.

But even if that cough or sneeze was not directed at you, some infected droplets--the smallest of small--can hang in the air for a few minutes, filling every corner of a modest sized room with infectious viral particles. All you have to do is enter that room within a few minutes of the cough/sneeze and take a few breaths and you have potentially received enough virus to establish an infection.

But with general breathing, 20 viral particles minute into the environment, even if every virus ended up in your lungs (which is very unlikely), you would need 1000 viral particles divided by 20 per minute = 50 minutes.

Speaking increases the release of respiratory droplets about 10 fold; ~200 virus particles per minute. Again, assuming every virus is inhaled, it would take ~5 minutes of speaking face-to-face to receive the required dose.

The exposure to virus x time formula is the basis of contact tracing. Anyone you spend greater than 10 minutes with in a face-to-face situation is potentially infected. Anyone who shares a space with you (say an office) for an extended period is potentially infected. This is also why it is critical for people who are symptomatic to stay home. Your sneezes and your coughs expel so much virus that you can infect a whole room of people.

What is the role of asymptomatic people in spreading the virus?

Symptomatic people are not the only way the virus is shed. We know that at least 44% of all infections--and the majority of community-acquired transmissions--occur from people without any symptoms (asymptomatic or pre-symptomatic people). You can be shedding the virus into the environment for up to 5 days before symptoms begin.

Infectious people come in all ages, and they all shed different amounts of virus. The figure below shows that no matter your age (x-axis), you can have a little bit of virus or a lot of virus (y-axis). (ref)

The amount of virus released from an infected person changes over the course of infection and it is also different from person-to-person. Viral load generally builds up to the point where the person becomes symptomatic. So just prior to symptoms showing, you are releasing the most virus into the environment. Interestingly, the data shows that just 20% of infected people are responsible for 99% of viral load that could potentially be released into the environment (ref)

So now let’s get to the crux of it. Where are the personal dangers from reopening?  

When you think of outbreak clusters, what are the big ones that come to mind? Most people would say cruise ships. But you would be wrong. Ship outbreaks, while concerning, don’t land in the top 50 outbreaks to date.

Ignoring the terrible outbreaks in nursing homes, we find that the biggest outbreaks are in prisons, religious ceremonies, and workplaces, such as meat packing facilities and call centers. Any environment that is enclosed, with poor air circulation and high density of people, spells trouble.

Some of the biggest super-spreading events are:

Meat packing: In meat processing plants, densely packed workers must communicate to one another amidst the deafening drum of industrial machinery and a cold-room virus-preserving environment. There are now outbreaks in 115 facilities across 23 states, 5000+ workers infected, with 20 dead. (ref)

Weddings, funerals, birthdays: 10% of early spreading events

Business networking: Face-to-face business networking like the Biogen Conference in Boston in late February.

As we move back to work, or go to a restaurant, let’s look at what can happen in those environments.

Restaurants: Some really great shoe-leather epidemiology demonstrated clearly the effect of a single asymptomatic carrier in a restaurant environment (see below). The infected person (A1) sat at a table and had dinner with 9 friends. Dinner took about 1 to 1.5 hours. During this meal, the asymptomatic carrier released low-levels of virus into the air from their breathing. Airflow (from the restaurant's various airflow vents) was from right to left. Approximately 50% of the people at the infected person's table became sick over the next 7 days. 75% of the people on the adjacent downwind table became infected. And even 2 of the 7 people on the upwind table were infected (believed to happen by turbulent airflow). No one at tables E or F became infected, they were out of the main airflow from the air conditioner on the right to the exhaust fan on the left of the room. (Ref)

Workplaces: Another great example is the outbreak in a call center (see below). A single infected employee came to work on the 11th floor of a building. That floor had 216 employees. Over the period of a week, 94 of those people became infected (43.5%: the blue chairs). 92 of those 94 people became sick (only 2 remained asymptomatic). Notice how one side of the office is primarily infected, while there are very few people infected on the other side.  While exact number of people infected by respiratory droplets / respiratory exposure versus fomite transmission (door handles, shared water coolers, elevator buttons etc.) is unknown. It serves to highlight that being in an enclosed space, sharing the same air for a prolonged period increases your chances of exposure and infection.  Another 3 people on other floors of the building were infected, but the authors were not able to trace the infection to the primary cluster on the 11th floor. Interestingly, even though there were considerable interaction between workers on different floors of the building in elevators and the lobby, the outbreak was mostly limited to a single floor (ref). This highlights the importance of exposure and time in the spreading of SARS-CoV2.

Choir: The community choir in Washington State. Even though people were aware of the virus and took steps to minimize transfer; e.g. they avoided the usual handshakes and hugs hello, people also brought their own music to avoid sharing, and socially distanced themselves during practice. They even went to the lengths to tell choir members prior to practice that anyone experiencing symptoms should stay home.  A single asymptomatic carrier infected most of the people in attendance. The choir sang for 2 1/2 hours, inside an enclosed rehearsal hall which was roughly the size of a volleyball court.

Singing, to a greater degree than talking, aerosolizes respiratory droplets extraordinarily well. Deep-breathing while singing facilitated those respiratory droplets getting deep into the lungs. Two and half hours of exposure ensured that people were exposed to enough virus over a long enough period of time for infection to take place. Over a period of 4 days, 45 of the 60 choir members developed symptoms, 2 died. The youngest infected was 31, but they averaged 67 years old. (corrected link)

Indoor sports: While this may be uniquely Canadian, a super spreading event occurred during a curling event in Canada. A curling event with 72 attendees became another hotspot for transmission. Curling brings contestants and teammates in close contact in a cool indoor environment, with heavy breathing for an extended period. This tournament resulted in 24 of the 72 people becoming infected. (ref)

Birthday parties / funerals: Just to see how simple infection-chains can be, this is a real story from Chicago. The name is fake. Bob was infected but didn't know. Bob shared a takeout meal, served from common serving dishes, with 2 family members. The dinner lasted 3 hours. The next day, Bob attended a funeral, hugging family members and others in attendance to express condolences. Within 4 days, both family members who shared the meal are sick. A third family member, who hugged Bob at the funeral became sick. But Bob wasn't done. Bob attended a birthday party with 9 other people. They hugged and shared food at the 3 hour party. Seven of those people became ill.

But Bob’s transmission chain wasn’t done. Three of the people Bob infected at the birthday went to church, where they sang, passed the tithing dish etc. Members of that church became sick. In all, Bob was directly responsible for infecting 16 people between the ages of 5 and 86. Three of those 16 died.

The spread of the virus within the household and back out into the community through funerals, birthdays, and church gatherings is believed to be responsible for the broader transmission of COVID-19 in Chicago. (ref)

Sobering right?

Commonality of outbreaks

The reason to highlight these different outbreaks is to show you the commonality of outbreaks of COVID-19. All these infection events were indoors, with people closely-spaced, with lots of talking, singing, or yelling. The main sources for infection are home, workplace, public transport, social gatherings, and restaurants. This accounts for 90% of all transmission events. In contrast, outbreaks spread from shopping appear to be responsible for a small percentage of traced infections. (Ref)

Importantly, of the countries performing contact tracing properly, only a single outbreak has been reported from an outdoor environment (less than 0.3% of traced infections). (ref)

So back to the original thought of my post.

Indoor spaces, with limited air exchange or recycled air and lots of people, are concerning from a transmission standpoint. We know that 60 people in a volleyball court-sized room (choir) results in massive infections. Same situation with the restaurant and the call center.  Social distancing guidelines don't hold in indoor spaces where you spend a lot of time, as people on the opposite side of the room were infected.  

The principle is viral exposure over an extended period of time. In all these cases, people were exposed to the virus in the air for a prolonged period (hours). Even if they were 50 feet away (choir or call center), even a low dose of the virus in the air reaching them, over a sustained period, was enough to cause infection and in some cases, death.

Social distancing rules are really to protect you with brief exposures or outdoor exposures. In these situations there is not enough time to achieve the infectious viral load when you are standing 6 feet apart or where wind and the infinite outdoor space for viral dilution reduces viral load. The effects of sunlight, heat, and humidity on viral survival, all serve to minimize the risk to everyone when outside.

When assessing the risk of infection (via respiration) at the grocery store or mall, you need to consider the volume of the air space (very large), the number of people (restricted), how long people are spending in the store (workers - all day; customers - an hour). Taken together, for a person shopping: the low density, high air volume of the store, along with the restricted time you spend in the store, means that the opportunity to receive an infectious dose is low. But, for the store worker, the extended time they spend in the store provides a greater opportunity to receive the infectious dose and therefore the job becomes more risky.

Basically, as the work closures are loosened, and we start to venture out more, possibly even resuming in-office activities, you need to look at your environment and make judgments. How many people are here, how much airflow is there around me, and how long will I be in this environment. If you are in an open floorplan office, you really need to critically assess the risk (volume, people, and airflow). If you are in a job that requires face-to-face talking or even worse, yelling, you need to assess the risk.

If you are sitting in a well ventilated space, with few people, the risk is low.

If I am outside, and I walk past someone, remember it is “dose and time” needed for infection. You would have to be in their airstream for 5+ minutes for a chance of infection.  While joggers may be releasing more virus due to deep breathing, remember the exposure time is also less due to their speed. Please do maintain physical distance, but the risk of infection in these scenarios are low. Here is a great article in Vox that discusses the low risk of running and cycling in detail.  

While I have focused on respiratory exposure here, please don't forget surfaces. Those infected respiratory droplets land somewhere. Wash your hands often and stop touching your face!

For The Full article with the helpful illustrations and charts visit:  The Risks - Know Them - Avoid Them by Erin Bromage

[ottomanladies]

Hello, since some time already I've been trying to find more information about Ahmed's concubine Mahfiruz Hatun and I couldn't help, but wonder when or how she died. Somewhere I read she died during Ahmed's reign probably by sickness or in childbed and on another page I read the opposite and that she lived until her son became sultan. Also another confusing topic about her for me is who of Ahmed's children she is the mother of. Why are there so less informations about her?

I'll start off by answering your last question: there is so little information about her because she was overshadowed by Kösem, who was haseki sultan. If you look at other valide sultans who had not been haseki sultans, you see that about both Handan and Halime there is little information (in their case, they had been overshadowed by Safiye).

I have talked about her so many times so far but I have decided to put everything I was able to find in this answer so as to dispel any other questions. This is going to be long but I hope clear enough.

About Mahfiruze's fate, there are different schools of thought:

Peirce says that she was probably beaten and exiled for speaking against or offending Kösem, therefore she was alive when Osman II took the throne but for some reason was not called back to Topkapi to be valide sultan, and died in 1620.

Uluçay, Sakaoğlu and Öztuna say that she was alive when Osman II took the throne and that she was valide sultan for two years

Baki Tezcan says she died in 1610 at last (I believe a couple of years later, as I'll explain shortly)

Her name

Baki Tezcan says that her name "was probably Mahfiruz": "Although one comes across this name in quite a number of modern sources, its earliest appearance, as far as I have been able to determine, is in the chronicle of Nai'ma, who was not a contemporary" (The debut of Kösem Sultan's political career)

Öztuna calls her "Hadîce Mâh-Fîrûz(e)" and Sakaoğlu says she was variously called "Mahirûze, Hatice Mahfirûze, Mahfirûze, Mahfirûz, Mah-ı Feyrûz". Ahmed Refik refers to her as "Hadice Mahfiruz" but, as Tezcan says, "his source is not clear".

Her origins

Frequently it is said that Mahfiruz was Greek and that she taught Osman Greek. Tezcan has been able to determine that the source of this claim is not a work of historiography but a novel: Histoire d'Osman premier du nom, XIXe empereur des turcs, et de l'impératrice Aphendina Ashada by Madeleine-Angélique de Gomez published in 1743. Apparently it wasn't the only novel she wrote about the Ottomans or the Safavids.

Therefore even her origins are disputed and unsure. She may have been Greek nonetheless but Madeleine-Angélique de Gomez's novel cannot be use as the basis of this claim.

Her children

Osman II is clearly the only child we're absolutely sure was hers.

Öztuna lists other children: Şehzade Bâyezîd, Şehzade Süleymân, and Şehzade Hüseyn. Those who include Mehmed too in the list of her children nonchalantly forget that Osman was born in November 1604 and Mehmed in March 1605. Therefore Mehmed cannot be her son (it's Kösem's but people just won't accept it).

Cristoforo Valier said - between 1612 and 1615 - that Ahmed I had four sons: two with the sultana alive and two with the sultana who had died. Valier died on 15 July 1615 while returning to Venice so he had left Istanbul a little earlier, I assume. He doesn't say how long has Osman II's mother been dead though.

Tezcan thinks that Gevherhan Sultan was Osman's full-blooded sister because he bases his claims off Pietro della Valle, who says:

"Il giorno seguente alla morte di Nasuh, fu subito assunto al carico di primo visir Muhammed bascià, genero egli ancora del Gran Signore, cioè marito della prima figliuola, che è sorella di madre del principe primogenito..." // "The day after Nasuh's death, Mehmed Pasha was appointed to the office of Grand Vizier, he too the Gran Signore's son-in-law, that is the husband of his eldest daughter, who is the eldest prince's full sister..."

The Grand Vizier della Valle is talking about is Öküz Mehmed Paşa, the husband of Gevherhan Sultan. This bit is the reason why Börekçi too says that Gevherhan was the eldest of Ahmed's daughters.

Curiously, Pietro della Valle's is the oldest work that mentions Kösem by name. For this reason, I guess, he is held in high consideration by both Tezcan and Börekçi.

About the other princes, it may be that Süleymân or Bayezid as well were Osman's brothers. Süleymân was, in my opinion, not Murad IV's full brother because he's the first - with Bayezid - that he executes. That he first executed Bayezid (and Süleymân) means that he considered them the most dangerous. Why? Because they weren't his mother's sons and they could have been turned against him.

Bayezid is believed by Finkel to have been Osman's brother:

In a departure from recent practice, Murad had waited until he was home from his various campaigns before despatching his brothers: Bayezid and Süleyman – half-brothers to Murad and full brothers to Osman II – had met their end at the time of the celebrations marking the Yerevan campaign of 1635 [...] As Osman’s full brother Bayezid could be considered the rightful heir in Murad’s place. — Osman's Dream: The History of the Ottoman Empire

Let's leave aside the claim that Bayezid could have been considered Osman's heir because as we all know, and as I am sure Finkel knows too, it is not Mahfiruze's blood that dictates the succession but Ahmed I's. Aside from that, I agree with her. We can't be sure that Süleymân and Bayezid were Osman's brothers (I think Bayezid has more chances to be), but Süleymân was definitely - in my opinion - Murad's half-brother.

The only problem with this is that Süleymân was born in 1615 (according to Öztuna), late in Ahmed's reign and too late according to the European ambassador's claims that Osman's mother had died around 1610 (maybe 1612 at the latest).

Which brings us to our next point in Mahfiruze's life:

Her death

As I have said, European ambassadors were certain that Ahmed had as consorts "the living sultana and the sultana who died".

the English ambassador George Sandys, who wrote presumably in 1610, or around this time, said about this:

"this also hath married his concubine, the mother of his yonger sonne, (she being dead by whom he had the eldest) who with all the practices of a politicke stepdame endevours to settle the succession on her owne...”

This bit not only would confirm that Ahmed has married Kösem at some point in his reign but that Mahfiruze died pretty early in his reign.

Cristoforo Valier, between 1612 and 1615 (when he died), said that Ahmed had four sons: "two from the sultana who died and two from the one alive"

Pietro della Valle too said that Osman's mother had died when he wrote about Osman II's accession to the throne:

"Othman figliuolo primogenito di Sultan Ahmed, ma non figliuolo della sultana Chiosemè vivente." // "Osman, Sultan Ahmed's firstborn son, but not son of the living sultana Kösem"

The French ambassador, Achille de Harlay, writing on Osman II's accession, said the same thing:

"non le fils de la sultane vivante mais l'ainé nommé Osman, orfelin de sa mère des il y a dix ans" // "not the son of the living sultana but the eldest named Osman, who has been motherless for ten years"

De Harlay had reported that Osman's mother was dead even earlier:

That Osman’s mother is dead is also stated in a relation on the life and death of Nasuh Pasha (d. 1614), written sometime after Nasuh’s execution in 1614 and sent by the same ambassador on March 5, 1616 — Searching for Osman

Then we have the second school of thought: Mahfiruze was in fact alive when Osman became sultan and died in 1620. This is usually said by Turkish historians (is it because they don't check Italian sources? Who knows but I wouldn't blame them tbh, there is literally nothing in common between Turkish and Italian):

Öztuna claims that Mahfiruze was valide sultan for two years, when she died on 26 October 1620. As he doesn't source his claims, we can only speculate who his sources are, but it's probably Uluçay who says the same thing:

"But these happy days did not last long. She died in the third year of her son's reign in 1620, and was buried in Eyüp Sultan Mosque"

Even a very recent work of historiography like Aylin Görgün-Baran's essay titled "A Woman Leader in Ottoman History: Kösem Sultan (1589-1651)" reiterates the same thing:

"By the way, the reign of Osman II had caused Kösem Sultan to take action and she had developed strategies to get on with Mahfiruz Sultan and Osman II and established relationships with them for her son Murat IV. She had sent gifts both to Mahfiruz Sultan and Osman II and given messages to them that she had taken their side."

Apart from the fact that I don't believe that Kösem was working to put Murad on the throne (how was she supposed to know that Osman II would be childless and deposed and killed? Please), this claim is not sourced.

She also said that Mahfiruz had died in 1621, in the same year in which Osman had executed Mehmed.

Back to Uluçay, he bases his claims on the chronogram on Mahfiruz's grave but, as Tezcan argues, that chronogram only means that the grave was built in 1618, not that she had died in that year.

The document that M. Cağatay Uluçay, Padişahların Kadınları ve Kızları, Ankara, Türk Tarihi Kurumu, 1980, p. 48, n. 1, cites as evidence for the date of her death specifies her burial place but does not seem to suggest that she died in the year that the document is dated. Peirce states that the document cited by Uluçay is "not to be found in the Topkapi Palace Museum Archives under the number he cites" — The debut of Kösem Sultan's political career

That Osman built a grave for his mother right after he became sultan may mean that he wanted to honour her with a better mausoleum. Also, who builds a grave for someone who is not dead yet and is also fairly young? I mean if Kösem was in her late twenties when Ahmed I died, Mahfiruze must have been around the same age.

Finally, we have Peirce's theory: Mahfiruze was alive but had been exiled during Ahmed I's reign and, for some reason, her son did not call her back to Topkapi when he became sultan.

Osman's mother, Mahfiruz, was alive when her son was finally enthroned in 1618 after the deposition of the incompetent Mustafa. However, contrary to the assumptions of modern accounts, she did not live in the imperial palace during Osman's reign nor did she act as valide sultan (privy purse registers from Osman's reign list no valide sultan). Mahfiruz died in 1620, two years after her son's accession, and was buried in the large sanctuary of Eyüb. From the middle of 1620, Osman's governess, the daye khatun, began to receive an extraordinarily large stipend (one thousand aspers a day rather than her usual two hundred aspers), an indication that she was now the official stand-in for the valide sultan. What seems likely is that Mahfiruz fell into disfavor, was banished from the palace at some point before Osman's accession, and never recovered her status as a royal concubine. Banishment in disgrace would explain both Mahfiruz's absence from the palace and her burial in the popular shrine of Eyüb rather than in her husband's tomb. The Venetian ambassador Contarini reported in 1612 that the sultan had had a beating administered to a woman who had irritated Kösem; perhaps this woman was Mahfiruz. Mahfiruz's banishment would have removed a serious obstacle to Kösem's efforts to save Mustafa from execution, since the party of Osman had the greatest stake in the survival of the traditional system of succession. — The Imperial Harem: Women and Sovereignty in the Ottoman Empire

Honestly, I don't understand why she seems to think that Mahfiruze was alive - like Uluçay says - but then doesn't agree with his sources... strange.

So this is what we know about Mahfiruze. I have left out claims that she was related to Halime (?) or that the manager of the harem was her sister (?) or that she was related to Mahidevran as well (?) because I could not even find these things in books. I'm pretty sure it's someone's fantasy just going around the internet and for some reason people believed it.

I hope I did not forget anything!!

[oliver-writes-all-about-that]

“A Heart Breaker’s Holiday?” Written by Oliver O.  Mintz

2021 Valentine’s Day project

As we enter another year, our views, and thoughts on events throughout of the coming year has changed based on the impact on what has happened to all of us in the past year, 2020.

 Some of us are having a hard time accepting holidays, as in the past few years, it is normal to hear someone say that they hate a holiday, as example Valentine’s Day is one of the hatred holidays by people who are single.

 What is Valentine’s Day?

Valentine's Day, also called Saint Valentine's Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine, is celebrated annually on February 14. It originated as a minor Western Christian feast day honoring one or two early Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine and, through later folk traditions, has become a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance and love in many regions of the world.

 Also, during this time of year, suicide rates increase by 5% out of the reported the highest rate of suicides at 45.1 and 40.5 per 100,000 people respectively, about 4 times higher than national average rate in other countries, in the past year. Along with just America alone, reported 800,000 people die by suicide in the world each year, which is roughly one death every 40 seconds. Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in the world for those aged 15-24 years.

Which is why the most question asked among people when the holiday arrives closer during the year, is “why is Valentine’s day such a bad holiday”, is the question most asked. Many people find the holiday very fun for most people, but we tend to not think deeper about the holiday, how it may affect many other people such as our friends and family and our co-workers we work with. It can be a hard holiday to deal with on a person’s mental space if they are alone or working that day.

~~~~

There is a lot of people in the world that would look at this holiday as negative way, they would sometimes call out of work or sleep the whole day away till the next day, because they dislike and have so much disgust in thought the holiday.

But there is a lot of people who do enjoy the holiday as well, it is not just for couples, it can be for everyone. It can be for your friend down the street, or that neighbor right next to you that never talks to you. We can give love anywhere, to whoever. Which people during the past few years had forgotten, in other words may have not known in the first place.

We asked people from all over Florida, old and young about their thoughts on the holiday, you would be surprise how much of a positive brought back we got from our interviews with these people we are about to share their stories with you.

 We wanted everyone to be honest and as detailed as they possible can be. Explaining their stories with the holiday Valentine’s Day and how they may have enjoyed it and not enjoyed it in their own ways, along with questions on how we can change the views on the holiday itself to other people around us, to not make the holiday have such a negative view to the world.

 First up is Samuel Lazo from small city, Safety Harbor, in Pinellas County, Florida.

We had so many emails come in with written out answers and some interviews we got to speak with the person via zoom meetings, we could not fit everyone who was in the project in one article. We do appreciate the time people gave us to be able to share their thoughts with us.

 Name: Samuel Lazo

Pronouns: He/Him

Relationship status: Single

Age: 17 years old

City, State: Safety Harbor, FL

 Oliver: What is Valentine’s Day to you? Can you explain why people may hate the holiday so much?

 Samuel: “To me, Valentine's Day is a reminder to always show love to those around you! It is so important to show your friends and family that you love and care for them deeply. To others though, Valentine's Day could have a complete opposite meaning. Sometimes it can remind people that they might not have time for love, or they have experienced something on the day that might have changed their opinion. Or it could just mean another boring day for some, who knows.”

 Oliver: What do you think would make Valentine’s better for people? And why?

 Samuel: “In my opinion, I feel that if society weren't constantly making Valentine's to be about significant others, it might change some opinions on some and remind them that the day doesn't have to always be about having to HAVE romantic partners. It should take the role of being a reminder for any type of love, including friendships, family, and self-love!”

 Oliver: What can we do better for this holiday to be more inclusive to so many people single? (Including older people, LGBT+, homeless)

 Samuel: I think it'd be nice if we treated Valentine's how some treat Christmas. We get into the "Christmas Spirit" and give those around us gifts or extra acts of kindness, except with Valentine's we try to feel that love deep within us and understand it is okay to spread that with those around you. You never know who might need it and how it could really affect someone.

 Oliver: What is one thing you can say to change a stranger’s mind that this holiday is not just for couples?

 Samuel: “Reminding a stranger on the street that they are cared for by their loved ones and maybe doing a small act of kindness for them might help them change their opinion about the holiday. Or simply just telling someone "Happy Valentine's!" could help put a smile on their face and remind them that love is all around them, no matter the form! Hey, who knows, it could also help them realize that they want to spread some love around too and do the same for someone else.”

   Name: Gaia Callisto

Pronouns: She/They

Relationship status:

Age: 22

City,State: Brandon, FL

 Oliver: What is Valentine’s Day to you? Can you explain why people may hate the holiday so much?

 Gaia: “I genuinely love Valentine’s day. Partly because I love pink and red and the whole cute and sweet vibes that come with it, but also because it’s a great day to just remember to give back to the people you appreciate in life. One of my favorite things to do as a kid was to hand out Valentine’s Day cards to all of my friends and classmates, and it’s something I still enjoy to this day! Even adults love to receive a little surprise with some candy, and I think it’s a sweet way to show someone that you’re thinking of them and you care about them.

 What is Valentine’s Day to you? Can you explain why people may hate the holiday so much?  To me, valentine’s day is another day to just celebrate the people you love and care for. Along with eating chocolate and giving little favors to people. I think people hate it so much because they only see it as a romantic day and therefore, only celebrate when they’re dating someone, which is bad if they break up because it gives them bad memories.”

 Oliver: What do you think would make Valentine’s better for people? And why?

 Gaia: “I think a less commercialized and more personal holiday would make it more appealing. Or if it was more oriented toward self-love than romantic love, I feel people would appreciate that more. There would be less exclusion of single people as well as aromantic or asexual people if it were more geared toward love in general, especially for yourself and your loved ones. “

 Oliver: What can we do better for this holiday to be more inclusive to so many people single? (Including older people, LGBT+, homeless)

 Gaia: “I think it’s very important to remember aromantic people during valentine’s day, as well as our passed loved ones and people who don’t have the means or the family to celebrate with. Love shouldn’t be confined to just romantic partners, we can help and care for others who we don’t even know yet, too.”

 Oliver: What is one thing you can say to change a stranger’s mind that this holiday is not just for couples?

 Gaia: “ I think that valentine’s day is just another day if you so choose it to be, but why not take the day to celebrate your parents or kids or siblings? Or make it a friend holiday and just treat your friends to things they wouldn’t normally treat themselves to. Valentine’s day is perfect for anyone and everyone in my opinion.”

  Name: Alyssa Marvicsin

Pronouns: She/Her

Relationship Status:

Age: 21

State: FL, USA

 Oliver: What is Valentine’s Day to you? Can you explain why people may hate the holiday so much?

 Alyssa: “I’d have to say something bittersweet as someone who values love fairly highly it feels like a day intent on pitting love against itself. Love comes in many different forms besides just romantic so seeing a day that acts to completely ignore other forms of love makes me feel off. I think others hate the holiday for similar reasons. When only focused on romantic partners or lack thereof it can slip your mind about the love that comes from friends and family as well.”

 Oliver: What do you think would make Valentine’s better for people? And why?

 Alyssa: “I think valentines would be better for people if we took out the pressure to find romantic partners. I've known people who enter pointless relationships with people they can hardly stand to avoid being single on valentine’s day. It just becomes so stressful rushing to find a significant other by a specific date. love shouldn’t have a deadline it should come naturally over time.”

 Oliver: What can we do better for this holiday to be more inclusive to so many people single? (Including older people, LGBT+, homeless)

 Alyssa: “To be more inclusive I think we should be creating more spaces intended for people to get together and mingle other than various bars maybe hosting inclusive events designed to help meet people, make friends, and even find love. Everyone should be presented with opportunities to create bonds with new people no matter your age, wealth, or sexuality.”

 Oliver: What is one thing you can say to change a stranger’s mind that this holiday is not just for couples?

 Alyssa: “I think the best thing to remember is that love comes in many forms and everyone has love from someone even if it's not a romantic partner cherish the love you get and call those you care about most your valentines ♡”

  Name: Shelby De Lorenzo

Pronouns: She/Her

Relationship Status: Taken

Age: 18

State: FL, USA

 Oliver: What is Valentine’s Day to you? Can you explain why people may hate the holiday so much?

 Shelby: “I personally love Valentine's Day. It's just like any other day to me in the sense that I've either been too young or too single to really celebrate in "traditional" couple-y ways, but I've always felt loved by my friends and parents especially on that day. I think a lot of the people that hate Valentine's Day are also valid in their hatred. It might come from a place of hurt, cynicism or just straight up disdain for capitalizing on good deeds.”

 Oliver: What do you think would make Valentine’s better for people? And why?

 Shelby: “Valentine's Day is always branded as super traditional, overly romantic and the aisles at stores smother you in a way. I think it has so much potential to be more aesthetically pleasing, inclusive and would have a far more positive impact if people made it more about knowing or understanding someone than trying to show the world that they love them because of wildly "one size fits all" kinds of expectations.”

 Oliver: What can we do better for this holiday to be more inclusive to so many people single? (Including older people, LGBT+, homeless)

 Shelby: “I like to think that traditions don't always have to be linked to holidays. More people should just be open to being kind as a general practice rather than trying to jam it all into one day. However, to celebrate the actual day inclusively, I think it'd be nice to see LGBT specific cards or potential gifts. Maybe for homeless folks, places could have deals like, for every card purchased, someone can be ensured a hot meal or something to help them get back on their feet. There doesn't always have to be a special occasion to treat someone well, either.”

 Oliver: What is one thing you can say to change a stranger’s mind that this holiday is not just for couples?

 Shelby: “Personally the year that Valentine's Day really stuck out to me was in 2018. I just had probably, the most dramatic break up of my entire high school career. It was blown out of proportions, I had people coming for me at all angles and all that nonsense. And when things quieted down and life went back to normal, my friends who'd been there for me through it all had gotten me things they knew I'd be all about. There was a book about Norse mythology, my favorite kind of candy, a thoughtful note. And I know I was the only person on their gift list or anything but the fact that they thought of me when I wasn't expecting anything really meant a lot to me.”

  Name: Kamryn Donnelly

Relationship Status:

Pronouns: She/They

Age: 18

City, State: Pinellas County, FL USA

 Oliver: What is Valentine’s Day to you? Can you explain why people may hate the holiday so much?

 Kamryn: “Valentine’s Day to me is a day to show appreciation to those you care about. I think a lot of people resent the holiday because it’s typically marketed as a day for romantic lovers, rather than everyone in your life you appreciate. And a lot of people don’t have great romantic relationships, or any at all, so the time can definitely feel frustrating.”

 Oliver: What do you think would make Valentine’s better for people? And why?

 Kamryn: “I think if Valentine’s was promoted as more of a time for people to show appreciation for everyone in their life that they care about, from their parents, to their significant other, to their mail man, a lot of people would be less hesitant to celebrate it.”

 Oliver: What can we do better for this holiday to be more inclusive to so many people single? (Including older people, LGBT+, homeless)

Kamryn: “I think again, if Valentine’s Day’s core focus was on care and inclusivity, there wouldn’t be a problem with single people, lgbt+, elderly, homeless, and many others feeling left out of the holiday. Of course, it’s not a fix all, but when you broaden the focus of something from a singular type of love to overall compassion and kindness, it will naturally become more inclusive in just doing that.”

 Oliver: What is one thing you can say to change a stranger’s mind that this holiday is not just for couples?

 Kamryn: “I’ve celebrated Valentines every year with my dad, since I was a kid. He’s always gotten me a little stuffed animal and boxes of chocolates and some kind of handwritten note. I’m going to be nineteen this year, and I can bet you he’ll still manage to surprise me with something special and thoughtful. I have yet to have a significant other. I can definitely understand how this holiday can be difficult to celebrate for a lot of people. But just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re alone. You don’t have to look at the holiday the way it’s shown in retail: for lovers. It’s just for you and anyone you have an important connection with.”

  So that is the end of this project, we should be able to appreciate the little things in life when they given by love and friendship and support. We should work together, even more so now in our generation to be there for each other during these stressful times and share love for all things we enjoy and speak about among friends and family.

 “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” — Lucille Ball

©Oliver Mintz

2021

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

9. I Was in a Gang Once

Simon was a pretty inventive liar. It made her second guess some things. “I’m a writer,” he reminded her when she would be impressed with his ability to fabricate alibis (that they never actually used, because Grace had only been on three Date Nights in the past three months). For Simon, that meant trying to have more frequent reasons to be around her. “Samantha misses you.” “Mom wants you to stop by so that she can treat you to lunch.” “It’s Halloween!” She indulged him her time, mostly because she had plenty of it these days. 

Even with the busy work that she threw herself into at the Infinity Foundation, with Xander on the mend and Jalicia on the lamb, Date Nights were going to be slow. She spoke to the children/young adults whose stewards she had yet to catch up with. She still planned to find and deal with any steward who had ever come through the warehouse and harmed one of her friends.

In the meantime, she was once again in the mood to leave the bookstore, because of Simon being a little too… present. The last time that she told him she needed space, he didn’t seem to grasp how crucial it was for him to just leave her alone until she was ready. She knew that if she ever wanted to distance herself from Simon, she would likely need to leave town… That, or Xander would deal with him, and she didn’t believe that Simon required the way Xander dealt with problems. She also didn’t think that Xander needed any additional stress!

Xander wasn’t interested in Simon being involved in their business. Whenever he got out of rehab, Grace had been paying his bills so that he would have HIS home to return to afterwards, on the condition that he wasn’t left alone. It was surprising to her, but Jalicia offered to stay there for a while. She didn’t want to be alone in space that Heath used to fill up so much of, and she believed that if anybody else knew how hard it was without him, it was Xander. So, she moved in as his roommate.

Whenever she wasn’t there, 808 and 1K were available. “This is very unstable,” Xander would say, as he had past relationships with both of them and neither of them were *completely* in his past. He and Alexandria (808) usually hooked back up within days of seeing each other and Sunny… it was complicated. 

Xander would say that “Xandria” was his first love. They were together with no adult supervision through puberty and definitely were the ‘it couple’ of the Apex, back in the day. 

But… Sunny had been around when Xander started to unravel. Sure, he tried to have her close because she reminded him of Grace (and she reminded everyone of Grace at the time, because her entire personality was being Grace’s pupil/clone). 

But, whenever kids were losing faith in Xander as second in command turned leader and the Apex was scattering and 808 had joined another crew. 1K had stayed by his side. “Grace would never leave Xander!” she had been fussing as she tried to help him through his first attempts at quitting/withdrawal. 

“Grace HAS left Xander, Sun. Grace is gone, and try as you might, you just aren’t her,” he’d heard Alexandria say through his trembling and panting. So, Alexandria was his first love, but whenever he thought of Sunny, she felt like his true love... But, leave it to Xander, that wasn’t something he could handle taking care of very much.

It was months before he and Alexandria talked again after she left. He was as happy as a street kid who survived on crime and fought an addiction could be. But, seeing her again, it was an addiction of its own. He’d hurt Sunny. She’d broken things off with him, but stayed for the Apex, which now was so scattered… but one day something amazing happened. 

Grace came back. She looked very different, but they could immediately tell it was Grace. Sunny had been the most happy, filling her in on everything, and whenever Grace saw Xander, she collected him into her arms and said, “I have a place for all of you to live.”

It was at the Infinity Foundation. There were shelters. Xander had flashbacks to the warehouse, even though this place was nice, clean, fresh… you could see both the staff’s faces and they wore name tags with smiles on them. Sunny whispered to Grace about Xander’s battle over the past couple of years, so he was checked into a rehabilitation program. Sunny had shown Grace all of the turfs where Apex kids had scattered to after she left and Xander began falling. 

As many as would come with her did, and the Infinity Foundation was able to help out with so many of their problems. They even formed an Apex Healing group for survivors of the warehouse. Xander settled into a place of his own. Younger kids were given various placements by the state. Some of the kids who weren’t from there had been brought back to their hometowns, some to their parents, some in foster care. Grace made sure that she kept in touch with everyone, just in case they ever needed her to swoop in. 

She wasn’t that capable of taking care of herself, and her parents rarely let her go freely. In a way, she had another steward in her social worker, and another in her nurse. 

After her year long situation from the court case of assault (which initially had been attempted murder) and being declared mentally unfit, she spent half a year in a mental home and another half with a healthcare worker. 

So, when she came back after being missing from the Apex for a year, it was hard for some of the kids to handle. But, those that came with her the first time began coming back for others. Eventually, after maybe a year or so, Grace, Xander, Alexandria, Sunny, Heath, and Jalicia had collected almost all of their living members and gotten them back to the Infinity Foundation. 

Some had not survived the years. Some had not survived Grace’s departure. Grace had nightmares every night in the beginning. She would see herself swinging the bat, hear herself grunting with each swing, hear the maniacal laugh that she let out whenever the police grabbed her and one of them said, “I think she’s dead.” She would remember Hazel. She would remember Todd.

Her brain tied the two of them together, even though she never saw them together. But, whenever she saw them dying, it was always that same shredding heat of immeasurable pain. No deaths had bothered her like theirs had. Maybe that was why whenever she saw Todd’s body fall, she saw Hazel’s... every time...

Whenever Todd was little, Grace took care of him. Whenever they fled the warehouse, Grace lost track of him. It took her a few months to find him and he was in the “care” of a steward. She thought about freeing him a few times, but Todd was 4. The logistics of taking him quietly, unnoticed long enough to get out and then being able to keep him safe were… shaky at best. So… She… left him. 

He seemed to not even know the difference between where he was - in this abandoned house, and the warehouse. The main difference was that he missed her. She would visit him and bring him food and gifts. She stayed until he finished eating, but every time she came around, gifts would be missing, or he’d have bruises. “Why don’t you just take me with you?” He would wonder, by the time he turned 6. 

14 Year old Grace was rising in popularity on the streets and the Apex had become notorious. Todd was… She cringed every time she thought back to her 14 year old self… Todd was a liability. Jalicia at 5 was already hard to handle, and she often had to leave her with Heath - who was only 8 and not at all capable of having 2 kids in his care... and Todd had never been as independent as Jalicia. He would slow them down and quite possibly get them caught. He just had to hang tight. She wouldn’t leave him here. She’d come back for him and he’d be with them. She just needed more time. 

16 year old Grace tried to take him in, but he was a little bit hardened, a lot less trusting of her. He clearly still loved her, as he would always be happy to see her and would hug her and kiss her and sometimes even rush off with her. But, he had a good situation where he was and he didn’t seem to believe that he would have a better one with Grace.  IF ONLY HE HAD TRUSTED HER… Waited just a little bit longer… If only she had been a better guardian, taken him with her in the first place, or at least whenever she came to find out where he was and that he was alright. If only she hadn’t seen him as a liability before. 

By the time he was ready to come with almost 18 year old Grace, his steward was not letting that happen. He found out that Todd was going to try to sneak away to be with Grace, followed him to where they would meet, put him on his knees and shot him in the face right as she arrived. Jalicia and Heath were with her. They didn’t own guns at the time, and after that, Grace never wanted to deal with them. She hated guns. Maybe because she would always think of Todd’s shattered face, the loudness of it as she ran as fast as she could, screaming “NO!” The way that she collected the boy into her arms, wailing while his murderer ran off and got away. He was an adult. He had some money. He was able to pick up and leave without repercussions. 

Todd had a family out there. She saw them whenever they came to identify the body. They said that they didn’t know. That he looked like he might be theirs, but it had been 8 years and they just didn’t know, and she knew that they probably also didn’t want to believe… Grace had tucked his giraffe beanie into his pocket - something she had held on to for those years, afraid that he might lose it. They recognized that. They fell apart.

She was numb. She was ready to set 808 loose and let her burn that house down… Then, she met Hazel. Hazel was new to that house. She had never seen her before. She was 6 and a half. She was cute and friendly. She had no idea what was in store for her and Grace wasn’t about to let her know. So, she took her, rushed a bunch of the kids out and let 808 do what she loved to do. That motherfucker may have gotten away, but if he ever wanted to come back, his kids wouldn’t be there, neither would that house.

Taking care of Hazel was sort of a coping mechanism for Grace. She didn’t know it. Nobody really got it, but she fell in love with this child very quickly and spent weeks taking care of her. 

Maybe they all did what she was doing… latched on to this new, cute, innocent kid to try to help and mold because they had let Todd down. “We all failed Todd,” was the most Xander had said in response to her crying about failing him. They didn’t want to fail Hazel too. 

Hazel belonged to an old thug they called Tuba, but the last anybody heard, she had been taken to the pen. Hazel wandered off from Tuba’s Kids afterwards, because she was small and they were mean. Tuba was a lot of things, but word on the street was that she took care of her kids. Without her, that hotheaded demon, Bugle got a little big for her britches. She sent reps to Grace, demanding her sister back. The fact that this monster could call Hazel her sister and then do what she did to her…

Grace woke up wailing. Simon jumped and paused his video game. “Hazel! Hazel!” She was screaming. Simon placed his hand on her shoulders and she took a swing right for his face. He leaned back enough to miss full impact, but she did clip his chin. Then she hissed and looked at her hand, now fully awake. “I’m… sorry… Are you okay?” She asked, wiping her face and trying to slow her heartbeat. He rubbed his chin and nodded. “I’ll… go,” she whimpered, embarrassed that he had seen her like this. She was only supposed to be taking a nap, as she had gotten beat up pretty badly earlier. Some people don’t go down as easy with tranquilizers...

“Hey…” He caught her wrist gently and pulled her back to sit on the bed. “Do you want to talk about it? You were calling your turtle’s name.”

“She’s um. She’s named after someone. Can I get some water?”

“Of course. I’ll be right back… You’re not gonna leave when I get up, right?”

She smiled bashfully. It would not be the first time she just decided to take off and text Simon on her way halfway down the road. She shrugged her shoulders. It was almost morning, now. He came back with water with easy ice and a couple of orange wedges, which was how she usually had her water, but she couldn’t recall telling him that. She internally groaned, wondering if she had ordered water on any of their dates, but it had been a while since they went out and she had been through a lot lately… She couldn’t remember if he had just been observant or if he had been watching her one day. She didn’t know if she even cared anymore. As long as he didn’t see her on Date Nights. And she knew that he didn’t, because she generally came over afterwards. Tonight’s had been hard.

She had caught up with one of Tuba’s Kids. Not the one that she got arrested over. Word was that she could barely function. Needed to move in with her Granny and be nursed, for the rest of her life. Grace didn’t need to do more damage, but she still felt like that was too good for that bitch. She gulped the water down and chewed on the orange. “Want more?” She shook her head. “Want to talk about Hazel?”

She sighed. “Hazel was… a friend. Sort of. She was more like a little sister. Well… she was…” She tried to think of some type of way to speak in codes about this, but she couldn’t. So, she simply said, “I was in a gang once.” Simon’s face flickered something. It was like excitement, but she wanted to read it as shock, so she did. Honestly, he hadn’t thought she would tell him that. But, she tried to explain, “It wasn’t my fault! I mean… I was targeted and taken in… I wasn’t a bad kid…”

“I wasn’t judging you,” he said softly, and took her glass, to set it aside and hold her hands. 

“We were all homeless. Those of us who found places to crash were either spaces that were within our territory or abandoned places. My friends and I relocated from a warehouse to one of those abandoned trains. We would you know, steal and stuff to survive, sometimes sell things… Hazel was a street kid from another gang, but I took her in and… well… the other gang got mad about it. One of them hunted her down and napped her from us, but whenever we caught up with them, I told her to let Hazel go… and she did. She let go of her… right… righ…” She reached for the glass again but it was empty. She choked out the words, staring into the glass, “Right in front of a train…”Not an abandoned one, but a moving one.”

“Oh my God!” Simon said, genuinely not expecting to hear THAT. Had that been in his research? He felt like he would have remembered something like that!

“I didn’t know what to do. I just stood there, crying like a bitch…”

“Grace… A kid was killed by a train. What could you have done?”

“I’ll tell you what I did next… She thought that she was gonna get away from me. I knew where they stayed. I knew their territory. I didn’t have bad blood with Tuba. We just did our own things, in our own spaces. But, I did go into her space to get that bitch. I dragged her out into the street and I beat that bitch with a bat. I don’t know if the police were passing by or if somebody called and they happened to be nearby. I heard my crew calling my name and telling me to come on, but… I couldn’t! She was still moving! Hazel was gone, but here was this bitch, still moving! So I just kept swinging and when she stopped moving, I kept swinging. I kept swinging until the police pulled me off of her.” She started crying, “Can I have some more water?” He took the glass in one hand and took her hand in another. 

He didn’t believe that she wasn’t going to rush away the moment she had a chance to consider that she had just told him this. So, he walked her into the kitchen with him and sat her at the island. She seemed okay… As okay as somebody could be after something like that…

Whenever she accepted the second glass, she noted, “You didn’t even flinch. I told you that I tried to kill someone, and you just… listened.” There was a suspicious air to her comment. 

“I don’t know how anyone else might react, but I’d like to think that if some danger came to somebody that I love that I would do whatever I could to keep them safe.”

“Yeah… but… I had already failed at that. Nobody was in danger when I went after her.”

“She was,” he said. To which Grace gasped at first, then began cackling with her head thrown back. She nursed her water a little longer and set the glass down. She looked at Simon, reached out slowly towards his face and he leaned closer so she could cup it. When her skin touched his, she pulled him in and kissed him. 

Simon’s arms wrapped around her waist, tenderly at first, a little firmer when she wrapped her legs around him. He collected her and she laid on his shoulder. “I just want to be held,” She whispered, almost desperately.

“I told you… whatever you need.” Maybe, Simon wasn’t “too” present. Maybe, she needed somebody this close.

10. X Confirmed