#like the cold would still have an effect but i think the combination of cold AND grey is what makes the depression quite so debilitating

[echthr0s]

the Late August Megastorm is a Me thing

it doesn't happen every year but around here there often will be a real fucky week weather-wise in late August that will culminate in a huge storm. that's the circumstance by which I arrived/awakened/whatever so now I strongly associate with it

anyway this year's was last night and that and the days preceding have really reminded me how attuned with earth's weather I/we are. as in, our internal weather and the external weather are so often uncannily in sync. I don't know what that's about, but the same mechanism that enables me to feel such comfort and joy on a heavy humid day that ends in a violent storm is the same one that forces me to be chronically suicidal when it's not warm and/or sunny enough so it's definitely the worst kind of double-edged sword if you live somewhere with a 7 to 8 month long cold season

[juicedaloe]

Mithrun and brain damage

I'm not sure if anyone is interested in this, but I wanted to make a post talking about why I think that Mithrun has brain damage from a traumatic brain injury instead of him being a representation of other neurological disorders or mental illness. I'm not that involved in the dunmesh fandom so I don't know how common this headcanon is, though I've seen a few people mention it here and there.

This is just my own opinion so if you disagree then that's fine. Some of this is just speculation and I can't say what Kui's intentions were. This post isn't meant to be that serious. I just wanted to talk about it and hopefully inform about how brain damage can affect some people in a way that I hope is interesting and relevant.

This will be kind of long because I like to talk so it will be under the cut. Apologies for the length and how much I ramble. Feel free to give input especially if I got anything wrong or if this is too confusing.

Okay let's go

Traumatic brain injury (TBI) is incredibly complex. The long-term effects of a TBI include a wide array of symptoms. Each injury is different, and some people can completely recover rather quickly while others can become permanently disabled, even for seemingly "minor" injuries. What I'll cover here isn't a definitive representation of the experiences of all those who have long-term effects from TBI, nor do I speak for everyone with brain damage.

Here are some long term symptoms relevant to this post:

Alexithymia (inability to process and name emotions)

Inability to process and name physical perceptions

Mood swings and emotional regulation difficulties

Communication difficulties

Social impairment

Apathy about caring for oneself

Lack of motivation

Alexithymia and inability to process physical perceptions

This one is rather obvious. While Mithrun is shown to feel emotions and have physical sensations (for instance, describing his location when he gets lost in the dungeon as "a cold place"), he is also apathetic to how this affects him. This means that his physical and emotional perceptions are reduced in some way. He says that becoming lord of the dungeon will leave someone "empty", showing he is aware of his dulled emotional state.

A good example of this is can be seen here in a bonus comic where he doesn't give much of a reaction to burning his mouth on hot food.

(I love these two a lot, by the way. Pattadol is really under appreciated.)

He is also not able to recognize bodily signals, such as hunger or when he is tired. Despite collapsing from exhaustion and not eating for long periods of time, he still insists he is not tired or hungry.

Mood swings

Mood swings in combination with alexithymia can be an especially disorientating experience. Those who struggle to perceive their own emotions can still feel them even if they don't know how to recognize it.

Individuals with brain injuries often experience drastic mood swings, particularly anger. To those around them, they can appear to go from 0 to 100 in an instant.

This is more speculation/headcanon on my part, as the strongest emotion Mithrun has for most of his appearances is anger. However one could interpret this as being unrelated as he is seeking revenge for a traumatic experience.

Communication difficulties and social impairment

Not only can naming personal experiences be incredibly difficult with a brain injury, but other areas of communication are often affected as well.

Mithrun is not able to set boundaries for himself even if someone is doing something he would not actually want them to do, which can leave him in a vulnerable position.

People with brain injuries can sometimes have a paradoxical experience when it comes to communicating with others. They can go from being very quiet to speaking at length about one topic, seemingly without regard for the importance of each bit of information. (I see it like Newton's first law of motion. It is hard to start speaking and it can be just as hard to stop.)

I really like this aspect of Mithrun's characterization. Usually, he is very quiet because he has no reason to speak. However, once he starts talking he is shown to be overly specific and goes on for long periods of time. Kabru has to spend multiple days figuring out his story.

In a side comic, Kabru tells Mithrun he should condense some of the personal details that Kabru finds irrelevant to the topic of the dungeon.

Mithrun shares many details about himself because his desire not to do so is gone. This mirrors the experience of many people who have brain damage to overshare and not understand how their words will come across to others. Sometimes they say or do things that are insensitive or inappropriate for the situation.

Caring for oneself and motivation

In the dungeon, Mithrun becomes reliant on others for self care. He also seems especially incapable of motivating himself to take care of his body when he is particularly focused on his goals.

In these panels, thus far he had been fairly receptive of Kabru trying to take care of him. However, he could sense that the demon was close and was too focused on that to care to eat.

Refusal of care and treatment is often an effect of traumatic brain injury. This can be for seemingly no reason, even if the person knows that this will help them. Sometimes people will lie about receiving treatment or doing things to take care of themselves, either so they can avoid it or avoid having someone take care of them.

He knows that eating regularly and not pushing himself too much will help him - he's been told multiple times on-screen - but he still has to be continuously told by others to give him that motivation to take care of himself. He's very apathetic to his physical state, even if it seems his only desire is for revenge and he should be doing anything he can to achieve that.

Other things of note

I wasn't sure where to put this, but while Mithrun's sense of direction is speculated by Kabru to be left over from his time as lord of an ever-changing, confusing dungeon, having poor sense of direction in the way he does could also be indicative of brain injury as well.

While the dungeon is confusing and illogical, he is known to have a poor sense of direction and to get frequently lost by those around him, even trying to exit an entrance he just came through. He is shown to be very intelligent, but memory is greatly impacted by brain injuries which affects a person's sense of direction and location.

Something that really stands out to me about Mithrun is how much the things that help him are particularly helpful to those with brain damage. He is physically capable of performing tasks, but he needs an outside source to remind him and get him started. He relies entirely on routine, and when that regularity is taken away he shows extreme difficulty taking care of himself.

Sometimes, the care that some people need is simply someone else to encourage them or to tell them when to do things. The care that he needs is pretty consistent with a person with a brain injury who does not need a full time caretaker and would prefer to have some independence.

Also, healing magic is specified to not work with brain injury unless the person is killed and revived. Mithrun had not been revived after his injuries, so it is entirely possible for him to have sustained a TBI. I don't think this matters that much because one is still allowed to have headcanons even if there is a magical explanation or isn't really possible in canon, but I thought it was an interesting detail.

In conclusion

Because of all this I don't believe that his lack of self care is due solely to mental illness. While mental illnesses like depression or PTSD can cause a decline in self care, the reasons why the affected individual is avoidant of these tasks differs. These disorders can also cause cognitive difficulties and emotional regulation issues, but not to the same extent or in the same way that brain damage would. I think that he does have both depression and PTSD (both are common after a TBI) but those are not his only disabilities.

And on a personal note, I just think that having a character with brain damage is really cool. Most of the time I've seen it the characters are not given very much respect and they are treated as comic relief and a joke. Regardless of whether you agree with this post or not, it is still nice to see a character with a disability like this.

Thank you if you read all of this. I hope it was easy to understand and I did not ramble too much. I don't have anything else to say but I've been wanting to write this out for a while.

Okay bye

[x-hotoke]

Can you do a yandere Yuta one where he is actually sweet, but slightly cold and possessive?

HEADCANNONS on platonic yandere yuta

Sugar coated words

writer's note: i'll make this a headcannon since i think it fits the request quite well but I'll think about making a oneshot as well! this is a male reader insert btw but you/your pronouns are used.

warnings: yandere themes, possessive themes, stalking, breaking and entering.

You were with Gojo when you first met him, handing back his card. The moment his hand touched yours, he felt a shiver run down his body. After that encounter, he would always hang out with you every single day.

The first time he was introduced to the others, once he stepped foot inside the classroom, you felt the atmosphere changed and everything felt heavy. You shook it off, seeing the rest of them try to attack him.

Whenever he isn't with you, he's probably doing something. At first he doesn't know about his feelings for you but time flies by, he would find himself hanging out with you — ignoring everything.

You labelled his as a sweet, caring friend. He always looks after you even in missions you were tasked with. (He definitely didn't sneak out to join you.)

After a while, you noticed the changes in his behaviour; he was always cold and possessive. He doesn't let anyone near you except Gojo of course but the others will face the consequences even if they were a foot away from you.

His sugar coated words turned cold — he would easily get irritated with you and that's something you didn't like — everything about him turned cold.

You decided that you had enough, talking to him about it. Concerned and off put by how he was acting towards you and the rest.

“You changed, yuta. You're not the same sweet and caring yuta I knew—”

In response to what you said, he got infuriated. He has done everything for you, keeping people who would influence you in a bad way away from you.

You were ungrateful. An ungrateful man. He didn't talk to you for days after that, dodging you every time you would call out to him.

Until one day, he approached you smiling. He bought something for you, your favourite food. He apologized for the way he was acting as you ate the food given to you. Before you can even reply, you felt your eyes drooping — blurry vision. You held onto his shoulder for support as he reassured you that everything would be okay.

Maybe you shouldn't have trusted him in the first place nor even met him. In the past few days he has been avoiding you, he was watching you sleep — stalking you wherever you go. After you wake up from your sleep, everything feels nauseating, the drug in the food you ate was still in effect.

You find yuta, next to the bed you were on with a tray on his hands.

Every time that you refuse to eat, he would forcefully shove the spoon in your mouth with a scowl on his face. He wouldn't do anything besides sit on the edge of the bed, muttering to himself and leaving the room at last; locking it tight.

What about your curse technique? Even if you did manage to get outside, he would hunt you down and if he did; he knew you wouldn't go down without a fight considering you were a first grade.

Despite the huge difference between the two of you, you put up a good fight. You had no chance against him in the first place — with rika of course.

By the time you get to the room he locked you up in; he would throw you inside and isolate you for days as punishment.

Overall; you wouldn't be able to escape him without any help from someone stronger than him and rika combined but the chances are low of you finding someone —maybe Gojo? But you weren't confident he will because days have passed and none of your friends nor teachers has come to save you from yuta's clutches. You are his best friend for as long as both of you live whether you like it or not.

[tidetfs]

Dan stared at the bottle he had ordered. Never thinking it would actually have arrived from the sketchy online seller, the liquid within shone a bright orange. Bringing the bottle to his nose, the 20-year old nerdy college student recalled the ad: "become a hot, dumb, smelly, musky, blonde himbo Aussie surfer dude with long hair!" - what he initially thought as ridiculous and something that would only live in his fantasies, he began to think the ad might have been a little real as he popped the cork and gave it a sniff, recoiling. It smelled like the combination of the sea and a high school locker room!

The ad had promised a transformation time of 30 minutes, and for the effects to last forever! Dan looked around at his room...did he really want to do this? Leave his nerdy life behind? As soon as he began to have doubts, he forced himself to rip the cork off the bottle. Before the smell got too bad, Dan imagined the stuff was just a shot of vodka he always saw his hot roommate taking, plugged his nose, and downed the whole bottle.

As he finished the last drops of the nasty liquid, Dan felt the effects immediately. His stomach felt warm and gurgly. A wave of heat and energy washed over his body, causing him to drop the empty bottle and fall to his knees. He suddenly felt rejuvenated, as if he could go outside right this instant and put his pudgy body through a fifty mile run, while at the same time feeling a strong urge to vomit. As Dan tried to stand, he felt another wave of heat coursing through his body. Dan screamed as his veins felt like they would burst out of his skin, falling back to the floor.

Dan moaned again as the heat began to become unbearable, his shirt becoming wet with sweat as he struggled to pry it off. Panting, Dan struggled to remove his shorts too, almost feeling as if he was basking in the hot summer sun. Once his clothes were all off, Dan laid there on the floor, a puddle of sweat surrounding his body. Suddenly, the vomiting urge disappeared, and was replaced by a new one.

"I-I'm horny..." Dan mumbled as he reached down to stroke his hardening cock, a few inches long. He had never been able to get hard, and certainly had never had a wet dream or orgasm, let alone masturbate. But now, Dan couldn't stop himself from touching his cock, and the feeling was electric. It had never felt so good before!

"What is this?!" Dan gasped as his cock seemed to pulse with each stroke. Dan was in heaven, his whole body tingling as he began to play with his nipples, never before having considered that area pleasurable. He didn't even notice the slow growth of hair on his arms, chest, and legs. As Dan began to furiously stroke his lengthening cock, small blonde hairs began to peek out of his head, and a thin patch of pubic hair sprouted. Dan moaned and thrashed about, his cock pulsing with pleasure as it slowly became longer and thicker, surpassing 9 inches and growing to the width of a beer can. Dan began thrusting into his hand as the pulsating head spurted precum like a fountain, dribbling down to his new mess of blonde public hairs that was still growing, becoming an out of control forest reeking of fresh sweat.

"Oh fuck yes" Dan moaned as the rest of him began to grow. Dan's feet began to pulse and crack spreading across the cold tile floor as wild, bushy tufts of bright blonde hair sprouted between his toes and grew up his feet, soon surpassing size 12 as Dan cried out in pleasure. His legs began to swell, becoming thick, toned and covered in sweaty, sticky blonde hair, reeking of male scent and...gnarly waves? Dan began to question how he would know this smell, but the heat overcame him again as his legs pushed him taller to a striking 6'2. His thighs and ass swelled, his hips and waist widening with them as his muscles grew stronger and thicker, his ass cheeks soon swelling to the size of a small chair cushion and bouncing with every move, his hips wider than the doors as he was left with a small, round, bubble butt that shook like jello when he moved. Here too, a jungle of smelly, sweaty blonde hair consumed his ass as Dan screamed in pleasure, his hands kneading the soft flesh as he thrusted his cock into the air.

"Yesssssss" Dan cried, as the heat began to spread up from his crotch to his abdominals. His stomach began to grow outward, the pudge melting away and giving way to a firm, chiseled, rock hard 6-pack abs that glistened with sweat. Dan's nipples became dark, sensitive nubs of flesh, his pecs swollen with muscle as they began to pulse. Screaming at the pleasure coursing through his chest, Dan ran his hands up the chiseled surface of his abs, feeling them become coated in a sheen of rancid sweat that would never truly wash away. As he began to grope and massage his bloating man tits, the blonde jungle from his crotch began to consume his chest and underarms, his armpits turning into a wet, sweaty pit that would forever stink, the blonde hair growing thicker and curlier with each second. Even with his arms resting at his sides, the pits would still spill outwards, a mountain of hairy flesh and sweat. His chest became swollen, the pecs now growing large and round, a pair of thick, perky, sweaty man tits that would shake like water balloons with any movement. The hair on his chest went into overdrive, thickening and spreading as a trail formed up the middle of his back, ensuring any shirt he wore would be ruined by sweat, no matter the number of showers he had.

As Dan continued to massage the still-growing mounds of muscle on his chest, his arms began to pulse with the summer heat. With each wave, Dan screamed in ecstasy, as the veins and muscles underneath his skin swelled, becoming thicker and bigger. The reeking blonde jungle from his crotch and chest, now complete, consumed his biceps, triceps, and forearms, growing into a dense mat that would only grow and grow until the day he died, a permanent, rancid stench that would make him the subject of attention wherever he went. Dan moaned as his arms began to flex, his hands reaching up to the ceiling as his hands swelled, growing longer, larger, and thicker, the hands of a brute. As he used his new hands on his raging cock, he felt the heat once more as his shoulders began to pulse, feeling them widen as his back grew thick and powerful with strong muscle, his broad shoulders bulging with the same power.

"O-oh f-fuck..." Dan moaned, as he flexed his arms, feeling them bulge with raw strength, biceps and triceps thicker than a normal person's thighs, the smelly blonde jungle making them seem even bigger. He breathed deeply as his cock continue to leak, his whole body dripping with sweat, as the heat began to travel up into his neck as it grew thicker and wider, giving him the appearance of the jocks he wanted so much to be like. Dan moaned, feeling his voice drop deeper and deeper into a low, sensual baritone as his Adam's apple pushed outwards, forming a thick, protruding knot.

As Dan reached down to play with his hairy ass, his face began to tingle. His eyes fluttered and closed as his nose cracked pushed outwards, giving the slightly crooked appearance that it had once been broken as his lips grew plumper and fuller as his longer tongue licked their edges. Dan's teeth grew dull and slightly crooked, a perfect set for the dumb surfer boy he was becoming. A low, sensual chuckle came from deep within his chest as his jaw cracked, growing larger and wider as his cheekbones bulged.

"Heheheh" Dan chuckled again, his new, low voice reverberating throughout his body, as blonde stubble began to appear on his face and neck. Dan's hands caressed the smooth, baby-like skin of his face, before it erupted into a wild, dense jungle, covering his entire head. The smell was unbearable, but Dan could do nothing but moan in ecstasy as he raised his muscular arm to huff the sea of hair spilling from his pit. He breathed deeply, smelling the mixture of his rancid male musk, salty sweat, and the ocean, feeling a nostalgic sense of returning home. He moaned again in his new, low voice as his skull began to grow a thick set of curly, sweaty blonde locks, only adding to the smell as the last of his short, black hair changed color and began to spill behind his ears. Dan moaned again, the sound of his voice sending shivers down his spine, as his mouth filled with saliva.

"Fuuuuuck" he moaned, his tongue swirling around in the saliva, causing some to spill out as drool onto his still pulsing cock, earning Dan another wave of pleasure as his greasy locks grew even more curly, reaching the back of his neck. Dan opened his eyes, the pupils now a beautiful aquamarine, and watched his hair grow in the mirror, the light from the window glinting off the golden blonde curls.

"D-do I have long hair?" Dan mumbled, his mouth filled with spit, as he stood up and walked over to the mirror. Dan's cock bobbed with each step, precum flying everywhere, as he stared at his new, sexy, handsome body.

"I-I look like a surfer" Dan said slowly, looking at his long, wet, curly locks, shining like gold in the light. He looked at his strong, muscular arms, the blonde hair shining as it cascaded down to the jungle on his hands, before continuing to his chest. Dan's hands moved to his pecs, feeling them, before his hands traced the outline of his six pack. "I'm strong..." Dan muttered, watching his cock twitch and bob. Dan looked up to the mirror again, his new model-like face staring back at him. He looked at the blonde curls, his thick, wet, red lips, and his aquamarine eyes, feeling the drool dribble down his chin and the scent of the sea and man sweat fill the room.

Suddenly, Dan realized the potion had one more surprise for him as he felt a splitting headache, his hair growing even faster and longer.

"Owowowowwwwww" Dan moaned, grabbing his head and bending forward. His hair grew and grew, his hands running through the wavy curls, slick with grease, salt, and sweat. He looked in the mirror again, noticing a subtle shift in his eyes as he quickly realized what was happening. "Wait, n-no-" he started, as he quickly began going over calculus facts from his advanced college course, before the pain became unbearable.

Dan cried out, the words and math in his head becoming more complicated and foreign as the pain slowly morphed into a gentle, pleasant vibration. The words and math slowly slipped from his mind, his once brilliant brain turning into a dumb, empty hole, as it became harder and harder for Dan to picture even basic metal math. "Fuuuuck" Dan moaned again as the pleasant vibration consumed his whole being. "Fuckin A..." Dan whispered in his new, deep timbre as complex thoughts became harder and harder to imagine, almost feeling like he was high. He chuckled again, as the words and math disappeared from his mind. "N-nooo, I'm dumb..." Dan slurred, his voice sounding slow and drunk.

Dan blinked and chuckled, as his mind turned completely empty, only capable of simple, primal thoughts and urges. "I'm horny..." Dan growled, his voice sounding like the sexy, rugged surfer he had always dreamed of being. His new, handsome, chiseled face broke out into a stupid grin, a look that would become the new himbo's default expression. "But the fuck am I doing here..." Dan chuckled again as his dorm room began to shift and morph. He blinked and giggled as the white, clean walls turned to a worn, brown wood. He blinked and laughed as his desk shifted and molded, becoming a simple bed frame and dresser, his computer changing into a surfboard and a cooler.

"Oh fuck yessssssss" Dan moaned, his cock pulsing and dripping precum. "I'm at the beach!" Dan cried, looking around his new room. There was a small, circular window where his door had once been, allowing the sunlight to illuminate his room. Even the time on the clock changed as the heat accosted Dan one final time, this time in his vocal cords.

"Owowowow" Dan groaned and coughed as the final effects took place. His vocal cords became even more raw, coarse, and masculine, his voice dropping an octave lower. "What the fuck, mate" he gasped, his accent changing as he spoke. Gone was his once boring, nondescript American accent, replaced by a low, gruff, sexy Aussie drawl, his words slurred together and slow as he vigorously jacked his still-hard cock, his blonde pubes caked with sweat.

"Oh fuck, oh shit, uhhhh" Dan moaned, his balls beginning to pulse as the heat traveled from his neck down his spine. "G-gonna...cummm..." Dan moaned, feeling the pressure build in his nuts. He felt them begin to pulse, and then he exploded, the biggest, loudest orgasm of his life erupting from his cock, the stream of cum enormous as the windows fogged up and the floor began to soak. His cock pulsed and pulsed, a seemingly endless river of cum.

"Ughhh" Dan grunted, as his orgasm finally began to subside. "Awww shit, my dick's really fuckin big" Dan giggled, the sound reverberating through his room and causing the glass in the window to vibrate. "Mmmm, but my balls are so heavy" he groaned, cupping his fat nuts and letting the weight settle.

As he heard the final change, a small crackling noise coming from his brain, he realized the beach was gone, his old, boring life was gone, and a whole new world had opened up for him. He would never forget his old life, but it would always seem to Dan as a distant memory. Dan giggled, as his brain finally stopped working, replaced with a dumb, happy, empty void, incapable of stress or worry.

"Fuck yeah, mate!" Dan cried, his stupid, happy grin returning. "I'm a surfer dude!" he yelled, his accent slurred. He jumped around his new beachside shack, the dumb himbo bouncing around the room. He was naked, and the heat from the sun warmed his sweaty, blonde, hairy body. He breathed deeply once more, the salty, fresh air filling his lungs, the scent of the ocean mixing with the pungent smell of his own rancid, musky male scent, before walking to his dresser, his cock still hard and leaking. "Man, I gotta get my trunks on if I'm gonna score tonight" he giggled. Dan's mind was empty and happy, only able to process the most simple of thoughts, and that was good enough for him.

As he grabbed his favorite swim trunks and slipped them on, he walked back over to the window, looking out onto the beach. There were hot girls and guys, all scantily clad and tan, running about, playing in the waves and lounging. He could feel the sand between his toes, and could almost taste the cool, crisp water of the sea. He was finally free of his old life, and now he was here, the happiest himbo surfer there ever was.

[ambermotta]

Protection Magic: Some Important Concepts

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Long post based on my experience and research. Meant to be informative. I don't claim to know the absolute truth.

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Protection magic is any type of work meant to protect A from B, and there are many ways that this can be done: prayers, charms, talismans, tokens, casting circles, setting up wards, visualization. The list can go on and on because it can be done in many different ways and combining many different methods.

But methods are not the topic of this post today. No, today I would like to talk about some key concepts to keep in mind before getting started on making protections and keeping them effective.

The Importance of Cleansing

Before doing any protection work I like to do a cleansing. Imagine you have an open water bottle, and because it was open, a lot of dirt has found its way into it over time. You decide to seal the bottle so no dirt comes in, but you don't pour out the old water, so you end up sealing it in. Yes, you'll keep more dirt from coming in, but the muck is still there.

It is easier to see this being applied to a physical location, but I personally also apply this to personal protective tokens. I feel they work better when you are taking care of your energies by doing regular cleanses and managing internal negativity.

Important Definitions

Protection ≠ Banishing ≠ Cleansing

I feel a lot of people are under the impression that these are all the same. I think they all work together towards a similar goal, but their jobs are different.

Protection: protecting something from something

Banishing: driving out entities

Cleansing: clearing out energy

You can do cleansing, banishing, and protection at the same time, but that doesn't mean they are the same. You can do a ritual including all of them, but you can also just do a cleansing or just do warding (which is a form of protection).

Note: cleansing is not restricted to “negative energy”. You can cleanse any kind of energy. Exemple: a friend of yours decides tarot is not for them and hands down their deck to you. If you wanna work with that deck it is highly advisable that you do a thorough cleansing of it and then infuse it/consecrate it with the energies you want. It's not that your friend has “bad” energy, it's just that you might not want to work with the same energies they have, or use a tool that has someone else's energy in it.

Not Necessarily a Lazy Job

One important thing with protection magic is that no matter how strong or how successful are at doing it is that it is not failproof. I have yet to see protection work that lasts forever, and there may be a few reasons for it.

Negativity also comes from within

Imagine you have a fish inside an open fish tank. Just like the bottle example earlier, you decide to put a lid on so you prevent leaves from falling into the tank and polluting the water. However, there's a fish, a living being in there, and it produces waste. It is impossible for the fish to live without producing waste. If you don’t regularly clean the water, ammonia and fecal matter will build up.

In this analogy, you are the fish. I am the fish. Humans literally cannot live without ever having a negative thought or feeling, it is part of our existence and we have to live with it. No one lives in constant bliss.

That doesn't mean we have to live in the muck though. That's why cleansing yourself is important.

No one is immune to the environment

Here I have another analogy for you. Imagine you're facing a harsh winter, but you are safe in the security and warmth of your house. Your house is protected from the cold so you don't even mind it. However, you have to go outside. You dress up, go out and you feel very, very cold. You could perhaps wear something warmer, but it will never feel the same as home. Yet it is better than going outside naked, no?

Same thing for energies. You can have protection, but depending on how strong the energy in the environment is you are sure to feel it to at least some degree. However it's best to have some protection than no protection at all.

And there is a difference between Feeling an energy and dwelling in it vs Feeling an energy and not letting it latch onto you.

Energy can wear off, and new energy can build up

Energy is ever changing, ever moving. If you do a strong protection spell once, it can last for a long while, but if you forget about it it will likely lose a lot of its strength over time. Some of what you put out there might wear off and be substituted by something else. The energy can also grow stale, which means it becomes less effective.

But if you do a strong spell every month you will not only make your protections stronger, but also constantly renew the energies and not let them stagnate.

So keep doing cleanses and every now and then give a boost to your protections so they are refreshed and recharged.

Note on "Negative Energy"

One of the main reasons someone might choose to do a protection ritual and a cleansing is to ward off negative energy. But is that really needed? What is "negative energy"?

Negative energy might feel like a sense of heaviness, dread, pain, sadness, feeling ill, angry, sad or anxious. Emotions produce and attract what we can call "negative energy", the same way it can make us feel those things.

And while I personally think nobody wants to feel them, we must understand they are not always bad at their core.

The uncomfortable feelings they can cause may also be a gateway for healing and transformation. Pain tells us there is something that needs to be worked on, that needs change.

If you are feeling negative, ask yourself why. Why does this bother me? What makes me feel this way? What can I learn from this pain?

If you happen to feel negative energy, it is good to cleanse and protect. But I advise you to always look for the source to see what can be done about it or what you can learn from it. Don't just try to use spellcasting to run away from your shit. Own your shit. Deal with it.

Otherwise, it will keep coming back no matter how much protection you have.

Conclusion

It is impossible to always be free from “negative energy” all the time, no matter how strong your protections are. But protections can absorb some of the blows that you would otherwise take and ease the ones you were going to take no matter what.

Protection magic alone will not solve all your problems. It is a great tool to help you keep your center and remain grounded, but it is not usually something you do once and forget. It is a continuous, ever evolving work, meant to be used in conjunction with other types of spellwork.

And most importantly, it can give you some comfort through the many trials of life.

Thank you for reading, and good luck on your path! ♡

[problemchildtm]

Demolition

Derek Morgan x bau!reader

Angst/fluff~ 1.9k words

Warnings: Attachment issues, mentions of childhood trauma, bullying, self deprecating thoughts, suffering in silence (none specific), barely proofread, as always lmk if there’s more

A/n: My attempt at @reiderwriter ‘s 5K challenge. I started with one idea in mind then it kinda spiraled so this is the result. I’m still learning about writing so bear with me. This was so fun and congrats on 5K!!!!

Prompts: Grumpy x sunshine, Oh. OH, idiots in love maybe idk???

“She didn’t understand why, but faced with those decaying buildings and straggled grasses, she was nothing but a child who had never truly lived.”

Offputting, standoffish, rude: all words used to describe your demeanor and/or personality. A combination of these and more have run through your head for so long they’ve become a backtrack to your innermost thoughts. Though these were common sentiments thrown in your direction, you had little confidence in them. The words were hurled by people who would never truly know you nor make it past the walls you’ve so carefully created. No one has succeeded or even tried to climb the barriers until Derek Morgan. You’ve been with the Bau for a little over two years and while the majority of the team learned to accept your cold demeanor, Derek continues his attempt to coax you out of your shell. It’s not like you’re hostile, you just don’t go out of your way to be nice. Rather than converse and joke with the team you sit by yourself in silence. You speak when spoken to and refuse to drag out conversations or engage in small talk. The behavior was disheartening but necessary for your survival. Each action had an intention and they all boiled down to being averse to attachments. Small talk led to hangouts, hangouts led to friendships, friendships led to attachments, and attachments always led to heartbreak. Never once has an attachment left you feeling fulfilled. You’d been a witness to this fact a plethora of times and were determined to prevent the effects happening to you. It took some time but almost everyone eventually gave up their missions to get to know you. Almost everyone.

Derek Morgan was sickengly sweet to you. Every morning he insisted on making your first cup of coffee and every morning a note was left on that cup. Affirmations like “Good things are coming your way” or “You are a priority.” Honestly, it sounded straight out of a fortune cookie. It was dorky and inefficient yet you found yourself keeping every note. Not because you enjoyed them or found comfort in them or anything it would just be rude to throw it away. Right? Right. And it didn’t end with the notes. He’d personally drop off the note-adorned coffee and try to strike up a conversation. You’d always give a polite thank you and that was it. Well, there was one time you actually engaged with him and you swore he never smiled that hard before. Both the smile and conversation seemed to last the whole day and the ones following. His incessant need to speak and be around you should’ve annoyed you to no end but it almost made you open up. Almost. The second you felt the reins attached to your defense mechanisms loosen you immediately tightened them. They were there for a reason and somehow Derek Morgan made you want to loosen them. Under no circumstances would you give in. So, for the foreseeable future, you’d suffer in silence and suppress the urge to be unconditionally yourself in his presence.

You persisted in rejecting Derek’s attempts to get closer to you and it hurt. Why did it hurt? Unfortunately Fortunately, the upcoming case gave you no time to think about that one. Walking into the conference room, you never expected the image on the screen. It was a map of a familiar area, aka your hometown. Clearly, hiding a rare emotion in a room of profilers was futile because every single one of them asked if you were okay- even Garcia. Frozen in shock you could only muster up “hometown.” The answer seemed to appease them but you could sense the pity floating around the room. Derek gently grabbed your hand and led you to the seat beside him, grounding you. The gesture was followed by the signature Derek Morgan smile that was reserved for you. In return, you offered a small smile back and got into the case. His lingering eyes and overall concern went unnoticed by the object of his affections but caught the eye of every other person in that room. Thankfully the case was as straightforward as serial killers can be. It appeared to be cut-and-dry but everyone knew not to assume. Hypotheses and ideas were thrown back and forth between team members but you could only focus on the possibilities plaguing your mind. Taking notice of your unnaturally frightened air Derek carefully approached. “Wanna tell me what’s going through that pretty little head of yours?” Truthfully you didn’t know how to respond. What wasn’t going through your head more like? Understanding you couldn’t keep everything to yourself for the good of the case you started small. “A lot. I haven’t been there since I was sixteen and I wasn’t exactly well-liked.” Hanging on to your every word Derek continued, “Why not?” This time you didn’t respond, just kept staring out of the window. He was getting too close. You were getting too close. That wasn’t enough for him but he wouldn’t dare invade your boundaries; he cared too much to sacrifice the little progress he’s made. Before slipping on his headphones he remarked, “You don’t have to tell me but at least know I’m here and judgment-free.” This was going to be a long case.

The first few days were spent compiling evidence and chasing bodies as the case wasn’t as simple as previously thought. Each minute spent there was pulling at you. It felt like your body was constantly on fire, the only thing cooling you off being scribbles on a paper cup. The messages were less generic and more heartfelt. Unlike other mornings Derek backed off, giving you space to process your thoughts and notes. You missed the near-constant chatter and focused all your energy on the case, hoping it would return once on to the next. After a while, you had a lead. With Reid’s help the geographical profile was done and right in the center was a park you frequented as a kid. Maybe less than a park and more like a grass field surrounded by office buildings but tomato tomato. Hotch assigned you and Morgan to check it out so that’s what you went off to do. Should’ve known it wouldn’t be that easy. He looked over and smiled. “You gonna tell me the significance of this patch of grass or do I have to profile it out of you?” Rolling your eyes you relented. There was no point in dragging it. “I grew up poor and the local park charged entry. Every poor kid in the area would come here.” The look of shock on his face wasn’t missed despite his efforts to conceal it. “I’ve never heard of a park charging kids to play is that even legal?” “Unfortunately for you, I am not Reid and cannot give you an answer.” you chuckled. That was the first time he heard you laugh in any capacity and he was so determined to hear it again. “You should laugh more, it’s adorable.” Adorable? You’ve been called a lot of names in your life: by your parents, peers, teachers, superiors, you name it. Adorable has never been one of them. You spent a couple of seconds analyzing him. “You think I’m adorable?” At the end of your sentence, that smile reappeared. “Incredibly. Especially when you try not to smile at my jokes.” He said playfully. Dumbfounded, the only retort you had was honesty. “I don’t smile much anymore. I want to but I can’t.” “Why not?” As much as you wanted the conversation to continue, you couldn’t help but notice how different your childhood hotspot looked. While his eyes were still on you you jumped out of the SUV and took in your surroundings. It smelt different. Years ago it smelt like wonder. As hopeless as it sounds the area smelt like wonder. It felt like an entirely different reality. One you could escape to when things at home and school were bad and that was often if not continuously. It no longer felt like that. It felt cold, bare even. The childlike wonder was gone, the hope was gone, your escape was gone. Suddenly your eyes began to well with tears and the floodgates opened. "You didn't understand why, but faced with those decaying buildings and straggling grasses, you were nothing but a child who had never lived." The emotions overwhelmed every sense and the brass reality hit like a truck. All the walls, all the precautions stopped you from ever truly living. You clung onto that escape and depended on it, perpetually remaining the child that needed to come here to truly live. You wanted to be more open, you wanted to have friends and relationships, you wanted to be better.

Everything came to a head when Derek rushed over to you, frantically asking if you were okay. He’s never seen you cry. Before today he’s never seen you be anything other than complacent. The past fifteen minutes have been the most amount of emotions he’s seen from you and he didn’t know what to do or how to help. Worried, he stuck to a bearhug and a mantra: “You’re okay, you’re safe, come back to me please.” He was practically begging after five minutes. In between breaths, you managed to get out a strangled “Why do you like me? Why haven’t you given up on me?” You were still crying but Derek knew he needed to act. He pulled away and softly wiped your tears, forcing you to look at him. “I need you to copy my breathing baby, can you do that?” It took some time but you were able to get your breathing under control, the tears not so much. Silence took over the two of you until he spoke up. “Why would I give up on you? Everyone suffers differently. You choose silence and that’s okay, the only thing I can do is be a shoulder for you to cry on if you choose it. I haven’t given up because I want you to be happy.” He paused, gathering his next thoughts. “I like you because you’re unapologetically you. You try to detach yourself and not care but you’re not great at it. I know you sneak Garcia’s favorite snacks into her lair and don’t think I’m oblivious to you being the one to listen to Reid’s ramblings when the rest of us tune him out.” You interrupted him. “You guys should stop doing that by the way it’s mean” For the first time in what felt like forever he laughed. “See that’s what I mean. You hide behind a grumpy exterior but you’re so much more than that, and that’s one of the many reasons I like you.” You just stared at him. You couldn’t remember the last time someone spoke to you like that, let alone the last time someone saw beyond your gruff exterior. You started to apologize for the breakdown but he quickly nipped that, explaining how you don’t need to feel sorry. You felt safe for once. The cold feeling dissipated and was replaced by an unfamiliar warmth. The tears stopped and you were hyperfocused on the way the man in front of you met your eyes. The silence that hung over you felt like normalcy that only lasted a second before Derek spoke up. “If it wasn’t clear baby I like you.” You looked up at him confused. “I know you just told me that.” A dopey smile spread across his face as he answered. “No, I like you and want to take you out on a date.” Oh. OH. You smiled. A real, toothy, dopey smile that matched his. “I’d like that.” The walls began chipping away.

It would take time and resources to completely demolish them but for the first time you were excited for the demolition.

[prying-pandora666]

Azula And The Tides: The Most Misread Scene in ATLA

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before:

“The tides scene shows how irrational and spoiled Azula is! She got lucky! She endangered her whole crew for her pride!”

Or any similar variation.

The only problem is it’s not even remotely close to true. Let’s talk about that.

Here is the scene in question for reference:

Seems pretty straightforward, right? I mean, the Captain warned Azula about the tides and she put her ego before reason and made the crew take a huge risk. Horrible leadership and narcissism on her part, right?

Except for one little detail.

Azula was right.

Remember in “The Storm” when Zuko demands his ship chase after the Avatar and his crew warns him that it’s a fool’s errand because they’ll surely perish in the storm? Zuko stubbornly insists his goals are more important than anyone else’s lives, including his Uncle, and demands they drive recklessly into the storm. Sure enough, the crew nearly perishes in the storm, just as predicted, and Zuko is humbled enough to even rescue his Lieutenant that he disrespected earlier in the episode.

I bring this up so we understand how ATLA sets up and then demonstrates its narrative cause and effect. It’s rather straightforward as, after all, this is being written to be inteligible to children.

So what happens with Azula’s ship when she demands they dock right away despite her Captain’s warnings?

The ship docks without incident or injury.

In fact, they dock stealthily enough that neither Zuko nor Iroh see Azula coming and she’s able to surprise them. How would this be possible if the Captain had been correct in his assessment and Azula had just been acting out of ego?

I’ve seen some people argue that Azula just got lucky, like a drunk person driving home in a car. Not that I expect the average person to have extensive knowledge about docking a ship, but it demonstrates a severe gap in knowledge of the subject matter. When it comes to the tides you cannot half-ass it. Either the tides are in or they’re not. Either they’re high enough or they’re not.

And if they’re not, what happens? The rocks you can’t see beneath the waves will shred your ship apart and you will get stuck or outright sink. Best case scenario, if by an act of divine intervention you avoided all the rocks, you’re still screwed because your ship is going to get beached and tip over. Especially with a ship of that size!

You cannot squeak by here. Even with all of our tech and modern day ships, if you don’t respect the tides, you’re going to have a bad time. There is no avoiding this.

It boggles my mind why people assume Azula is the one in the wrong here and not the Captain who is later shown to be so incompetent that he spoils the mission. He was talking down to her and she rightfully put in his place. Cold and ruthless as her method may have been, she was making it clear that she is not to be talked down to or to have her authority questioned. An important skill for a young leader. Look at the comparison with Zuko who couldn’t wrangle his men. They were about to mutiny and would’ve if Iroh hadn’t intervened! Azula has no Iroh to fall back on. She has to manage on her own. And she does! In this same episode we are shown that Azula is a perfectionist who can’t tolerate a single hair out of place. But somehow we are supposed to believe she is also reckless and incompetent? I don’t think so.

We also know that Azula canonically attended the Royal Fire Academy for girls. This wasn’t some preppy finishing school, it was an intense military academy with survival training so deadly that Rangi described having to eat worse than rats to make it out alive. We know Azula excelled in school. Why wouldn’t she know something as basic as how to read the tides? That’s seafaring 101.

Combine that with the fact that all their best naval officers probably perished at the North Pole and it’s easy to glean that this Captain isn’t exactly their A-Team.

So what IS the point of this scene if not to show Azula being irrational, egotistical, or incompetent?

Remember our comparisons to Zuko? The point of this scene is to show how much better and scarier of a leader Azula is. It’s a simple way to convey to the audience that unlike Zuko, Azula *can* and *does* command like a true military leader. She is therefor a more frightening and dangerous opponent for our heroes to face than the already dangerous Prince they’ve been battling since the previous season.

I don’t think this misinterpretation would’ve ever spread so far if some fans weren’t dead set on trying to tear down Azula for the simple crime of being better at things than fan-favorite Zuko.

And I say this as someone who adores Zuko.

[funnyexel]

imagine your ex is dark superman...

“I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”

He utters lowly, his warm breath dancing on your cheek as you tremble under his gaze. The coldness and stuffy feeling of the room, effecting your mental.

“you- you're acting crazy.” Swallowing thickly, you hesitantly look up to his darkened eyes, afraid of this unfamiliar man.

As the adjective left your lips its like his eyes lit up in the slightest. Almost in a twisted amusement at the negative connotation. Feeling your legs wobble as you slide down the wall he pushed you against, he follows your movements. Lowering himself down with you as his hands loosely hold onto your biceps.

“why? why this?” You were limited to a few words at a time, the icky feeling you feel under his gaze, stopping you from expressing yourself how you usually would. And he could tell. You're not as talkative as he remembers.

Stooping down, he studies your scarce movements. And all he wants to do is kiss the tears off your cheeks, and take you out your fetal position. Carry you to his bed, caress your goosebump ridden skin gently, so gently you won't believe your eyes when you watch him undress you with such patience. He wants to move his large hands down your thighs and squeeze on the soft skin, gently. Remember?

He wants to show you how gently he can be when he licks your pussy, not like a starved man but as a past lover that desperately wants to rekindle the forcibly blown out flame. He will delicately hold your legs down and make you cum on his tongue until you're shaking for a more pleasurable reason.

He wants to pound the idea of you getting back together into your head, permanently.

But then again that's a want, not a will....

Yet.

You stare at him, wanting an answer. Obviously not noticing how he mentally disassociated by the innocent look in your eye.

"I love you."

He says.

"I love you so much. I gave you time. Three years, to figure yourself out and you still needed a push to come back to me. You need me, baby."

He states firmly, speaking down to you as if you're an under developed and confused teen. Shaking your head, while you eye him in disbelief. You don't know how to respond.

"You love me baby. Say it."

He inches closer to your face. Glancing down to your lips and back up to your wide eyes.

"That's all you have to say and it's all over. We stop this silly little game of chase. Okay?"

He utters these words, which successfully make you feel insane. Looking up to his dreamy blue eyes and defined jaw, a dangerous combination with his deep and husky voice. You feel your thoughts being overtaken by his corrupt words. His warped thinking seeping into your mind and making you his little toy. Even with your kicking and screaming, he'll make you his again. He'll do what he wants.

kinktober list

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[juliasgoodusername]

Sometimes a girl has to go a little crazy. Sometimes a girl has to make a book-accurate floorplan for 300 Fox Way. These things just happen, sometimes.

Obsessive annotations under the cut ✨ but be warned, there's a LOT

Exterior

Okay first of all, I'm no architect, and my only knowledge comes from work experience in the real estate industry + a lot of Sims. The style is sort of neo-rural French colonial. I didn't set out to adhere to that standard so much as I made an amalgamation of homes in Blue Ridge Mountains-adjacent towns in Virginia. Specifically, my headcanon Henrietta template is Orange, VA (I'll save that explanation for another post) so I took inspiration from real estate listings from there.

Alright alright I know there is supposed to be one bathroom, but I simply can't tolerate that in a house with 6+ residents. I can't. There was a possible contradiction in the descriptions of "the single shared bathroom" that I used as an excuse to add a 3/4 bath, and I threw in a powder room for free. Because technically there is still only one full bathroom! But seriously with that many women over 30 most of them probably have IBS or chronic constipation and I'm not making them all share a toilet.

Officially we only have 4 bedrooms listed in text: Blue's, Persephone's, Maura's, and Calla and Jimi's shared one. Everyone else gets rooms that don't qualify as bedrooms via Virginia residential building codes (such as the attic, obviously, which falls below the combined ceiling height and square footage requirements). That really just leaves Orla unaccounted for but I'll get to that later. Other aunts and friends seem to visit during the day and live somewhere else, because in The Raven King only Jimi and Orla were described as needing to move out of the house during the demon stuff.

I designed the entire interior floorplan before I even touched the exterior, so there's a few issues, like how I'm totally missing shutters on the windows that functionally need them most. 🫶 I didn't feel like making the windows smaller to fit them, and I could have added faux-shutters but I think those are stupid. 😘

First floor

"This house is lovely. So many walls. So, so many walls," Malory said as Blue entered the living room a little later.

- Blue Lily, Lily Blue, Chapter 30

Right off the bat, we have an insane number of doors and walls. Old colonial houses are pretty much the opposite of open concept. Functionally I believe that's because it's easier to control heat with closed off rooms, but Virginia is not particularly cold so idk. As for the number of doors, I mean....😤😤😤 I prefer archways/doorless frames in small high-traffic spaces, but every time I thought I could get away with it Maggie would specifically describe doors opening and closing (For example BL,LB Ch 41 gives the reading room double doors, and even the living room gets one in Ch 11. What kind of living room needs a door???). I'm actually missing one of the doorways described in canon, but if you know which one I'm talking about I DARE you to find a place to put that thing!! But I digress.

“Mom," she said as she jumped down the crooked stairs.

- The Raven Boys, Chapter 3

I'm liberally using "crooked" to establish the corner turn stairs. Blue steadies herself on the stair railing when she identifies Gansey for the first time (TRB Ch 15), so I wanted the stairs to have good visual access to visitors. It also sort of has a feng shui-ish effect of separating the public and private energy zones in the house. If that statement made zero sense, I think one of us doesn't know enough about feng shui 👀 and it might be me.

I'm also using that quote to establish Maura's room downstairs, if Blue generally expects to find her mother there, but mostly because everything else was upstairs and it was getting hard to fit. Granted, at one point Blue leads the boys "up the stairs to Maura's bedroom" (TDT Epilogue) but since they were just arriving at 300 Fox Way those stairs could easily be the outdoor ones. There's a handful of little things to support me here, such as Adam grabbing a scrying bowl from Maura's room to use in the reading room (BL,LB Ch 41) implying that her room was the closest place to find one. And speaking of Maura's room-

Calla was overwhelmed by how much shit Maura had in her room at 300 Fox Way, and she told Blue this.

... The mess was taking years from her life. ... Maura liked chaos.

... The psychic hotline rang in the room next door. Calla's concentration fluttered away.

- Blue Lily, Lily Blue, Prologue

Maura is my favorite hypocrite. She claims to detest clutter (TRB Ch 34) and yet her room is literally described as chaos. She probably treats her room like a college student and moves the furniture every time she gets bored/stressed. Thus, I gave her the most insane furniture configuration I could think of while still matching all the contents described.

The phone ringing next door might imply that she neighbors the phone/sewing/cat room, but that area is pretty well described and Maura's room is never mentioned there in any other instance. That leaves us with the kitchen phone (TRB Ch 27) which I put in the hallway with kitchen access as a compromise so it would technically still be in a room next to Maura's.

In the reading room, the man looked around with clinical interest. His gaze passed over the candles, the potted plants, the incense burners, the elaborate dining room chandelier, the rustic table that dominated the room, the lace curtains, and finally landed on a framed photograph of Steve Martin.

- The Raven Boys, Chapter 13

There are so many quotes about the reading room that I just don't feel like citing them, but other details include the mismatched chairs, the shelves, doors etc. It's also described specifically as Maura's "front room" (TRB Prologue) so it's one of the cornerstones that I designed the rest of the layout around. Because of the plants, it makes sense that this room would be south-facing too. (Although idk how much light they get with the wraparound porch awning in the way. Oops lol!)

The outside suddenly seemed vivid in comparison to the dim kitchen. The April-bright trees pressed against the windows of the breakfast area, ...

- The Raven Boys, Chapter 3

Blue Stormed into 300 Fox Way's kitchen and began a one-sided interrogation with Artemus, who was still hidden behind the closed storage closet door.

- The Raven King, Chapter 9

Likewise, I'm using the particularly dim kitchen to place it on the north side, where we also know there's trees in the backyard.

I'll say the kitchen layout is weirder than it strictly needed to be because in the Virginia homes I referenced I adored all the strange kitchens, especially with old timey 'servants area' vibes where laundry kitchen and pantry are all connected. Instead of a kitchen island, they get one of those rolling kitchen carts which I doubled as a bar cart for the drinks they have in the living room.

The kitchen has a doorway to the hall (TRB Ch 13) and the living room is within view when Blue's on the kitchen phone (Ch 27).

Speaking of chapter 27, that's when we get the description "The morning light through the windows turned the drinks a brilliant, translucent yellow." So I put the living room on the east side of the house, where the rising sun would cast really strong light like that.

Second Floor

When she woke up, her normally morning-bright room had the breath-held dimness of afternoon. In the next room over, Orla was talking to either her boyfriend or to one of the psychic hotline callers.

- The Raven Boys, Chapter 3

Blue headed toward the red-painted door at the end of the hall. On her way, she had to pass the frenzy of activity in the Phone/Sewing/Cat Room and the furious battle for the bathroom. The room behind the red door belonged to Persephone, ...

- The Raven Boys, Chapter 11

Blue's room and the Phone/Sewing/Cat room are our cornerstones for this floor. In several examples we know that the Phone/Sewing/Cat room faces the street and has a window (TRB Ch 15, BL,LB Ch 4). While Blue's room is "morning-bright," we also get descriptions of guests at the front door "backlit by the evening sun," (TRB Ch 15) so once again we're probably talking about south windows if it's sunlit at both times of day.

Adam sat awkwardly on the edge of Blue's bed. It felt strange to have so easily gained access to a girl's bed- room. If you knew Blue at all, the room was unsurprising - canvas silhouettes of trees stuck to the walls, leaves hanging in chains from the ceiling fan, a bird with a talk bubble reading WORMS FOR ALL painted above a shelf cluttered with buttons and about nine different pairs of scissors. Against the wall, Blue self-consciously taped up the drooping branch on one of the trees.

- The Dream Thieves, Chapter 49

We get some great descriptions of Blue's room (especially TRB Ch 43), although the above one is my favorite (#wormsforall). Every piece of furniture is accounted for exactly as described except the desk which I added because it seemed practical, and Blue is nothing if not practical™.

Persephone's room is also very well-described, all the way down to the furniture and lighting placement (BL,LB Ch 4 and TRB Ch 11) and it's surprisingly similar to Blue's room, if not a bit smaller. Her room gets strong afternoon sunlight, so I put it on the south too (BL,LB Ch 43).

Calla and Jimi share a room that's also upstairs (TRK Ch 16). Because they are the only two who have to share a room, I have justified that it must be the "master bedroom" (sorry for using that term) and is far bigger than the other bedrooms. I managed to fit two queen beds in there, but some scholars [me] would argue that Jimi and Calla might also share a bed because they are in love. Can you prove me wrong? No, you can't.

As for the bathroom, remember when I mentioned a possible contradiction? Famously, Maura draws the ley line symbol in the steamed up shower door (TRB Ch 1). However, much later we get Maura, Orla, Calla and Jimi all sitting in the bathtub for some kind of ritual (TRK Ch 9). No matter how I picture it, I can't put 4 full grown women in a bathtub together without someone partially sitting on/spilling over the side. But that would be impossible in a combo bath/shower enclosed by glass doors!! Thus, I gave The Bathroom a nice tub and put a small shower in the en suite of Jimi and Calla's room. I know this is a stretch but I don't really care.

Attic

Blue had never been a big fan of the attic, even before Neeve moved in. Numerous slanting roof lines provided dozens of opportunities to hit your head on a sloping ceiling. Unfinished wood floorboards and areas patched with prickly plywood were unfriendly to bare feet. Summer turned the attic into an inferno.

... In one of the narrow dormers, two full-length, footed mirrors faced each other, reflecting mirrored images back and forth at each other in perpetuum.

- The Raven Boys, Chapter 34

Trying to fit the attic access in after everything in the second floor was my biggest challenge, because stairs normally take up a lot of space and you have to be careful about head room. I'm the end, I decided it was one of those fold out attic doors that you have to reach from the ceiling of the hallway. We might get a lot of instances of the attic door being opened (😤 seriously, Maggie... 😤) but technically a trap door in the ceiling is still a door!

Dormers pretty much cemented the French colonial style for me. And you know the drill by now: a hot room probably means a lot of sun, which means I give it a south facing window!

Mud Room/Cellar/Basement

This cellar has absolutely zero mention in the text, but my justification is based in the architecture. So far we've got a funky old colonial house, built without a garage, lots of walls etc. Especially in a low-income/semi-rural area, it's not crazy to assume that 300 Fox Way was built before most residents had refrigerators (1930s-40s). Besides iceboxes, a major way to keep food fresh was root cellars. Modern renovations for old homes convert these to concrete basements, but that's why the basement is so small and connects to the kitchen.

My headcanon is that Orla originally shared a room. Pick whoever you want: Maura, Blue or Persephone, any of them would easily be such a chaotic roommate that Orla snapped and in a fit of teen girl rage moved herself down to the crummy dark basement. Over time, she made efforts to glamorize it, such as a vintage dressing screen to hide the flood drainage pump. The privacy also allows her to bring boyfriends over, even sneaking them through the mud room.

This is really just my artistic license, but I swear it makes a surprising amount of sense in context. There's cases of Orla sneaking into the kitchen (easier if she has a back entrance) and she's almost always using the phone upstairs or in the kitchen (because a basement would get bad reception) even though her calls get kinda ~intimate.

Aaaaaand I think that's everything. Sorry it doesn't look like the photo from the wiki at all, but I couldn't find a source for it and Victorian style wasn't super common in the areas I researched. Let me know if I missed anything major! I'll probably cry myself to sleep if so.

[brailsthesmolgurl]

WHY HIM?

I have been writing daily and I think the next few days updates would be a bit more chill as I would be prepping for the Zayne angst series. If you're my follower, you would know what I am talking about ;)

A oneshot featuring you, choosing another guy over him. The songs were curated according to what the boys are probably thinking, just in the form of songs. Accompanied with the boys' POV.

Warnings: Angst, no comfort for the boys because mc is a bitch in this

Zayne - SNOW WHITE

'SHE WAS SNOW, SNOW LIKE THE WHITE LIES'

"Any excuses on why you had to reschedule for your last health checkup?" Zayne spoke, eyes never leaving the health report, studying the numbers and facts running through his mind like a vision.

"I just had to tend to work at the very last minute." She replied, tucking her brunette strand behind her ear. Clearly a lie. Zayne knew her well and long enough to tell the bad habits she has whenever she is lying.

The doctor chuckled softly under his breath. "Sure." Seeing right through her white lies. "Your heart seems to be functioning well. Keep up the good work." His praise raised a smile on her face. A sight he shall never forget.

"I remember you talked about a dessert shop not far from here. How about we head there after I am done with my next consultation?" Zayne asked, the report placed onto the wooden desk of his, fingers intertwined into a combined fist and he looked up. It was rare for Zayne to suddenly ask for a casual hang out just like this. He is always either too busy or too tired to go for any social sessions after he was done for the day.

'COLD LIKE THE NIGHT SHE LET ME GO'

His shift ended and once the last patient was checked out, he swiftly packed his briefcase and headed out of his office, not wanting to spare another minute. A nurse approached him mid-way, asking him to check through the files of a patient prior to submission to the report but Zayne kindly rejected with, "I shall review it tomorrow. Please leave it on my desk."

His response left the nurse bamboozled. He is the last doctor she expected to reject looking into a report for a patient. Guess there is a first for everything. "Sure, Dr.Zayne." She followed him with her gaze, seeing the figure quickly dissipated amongst the crowd of people within the hospital's lobby.

Zayne's excitement immediately died out. There she stood, basked under the dim lighting of the street lamps. Casting an overhead shadow of her, and another individual standing next to her. Zayne could not make out what they were talking about but he could tell she looked happy. Head thrown back, hands covering her mouth to mask her loud laughters. The guy stood in front of her reached his hand up to pat her head in a loving gesture.

'WAS IT THE FROSTBITE OR JUST THE ICE INSIDE HER SOUL? I DON'T KNOW'

Zayne winced, a jolting pain shot up his right arm. A searing pain that he knew was a direct reflection of his heart. If being with her hurts him, being away from her probably hurts him just as much, or perhaps, worse. He gritted his teeth, jaw tightened and his right fist curled tightly into a ball, trying his best to be in control of the pain.

The torture continues as he desperately wanted to intervene, to walk up to her side and introduce himself to the guy. But he stood still, unable to do anything as he watched her expressions closely. Joy, bashful, meek. But whenever she is with him, it would be the opposite effect. Nervous, hesitant, awkward. Was that what he really wanted from her? Of course not.

'I USED TO MELT IN HER ARMS NOW IM FALLIN' APART LIKE THE SNOW'

There were times she would pay him surprise visits in between his schedule, to bring him something to eat or to just spend time with him. But he would dismiss her, stating that it is not necessary for her to be around as it might cause a distraction. But he secretly liked the distraction. He liked watching her looking stressed as she tried to type out her report, looking at him every once in a while, using his face as a medium to recall her memories during the fight with Wanderers.

He also secretly likes it when she brings him desserts, tempting him forcefully by blackmailing him. No floss, no desserts. And he would not comply, purposely saying he has to catch a surgery, only to come back and see the dessert box being left on his table, with a packet of floss and a note that says '𝓟𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓶𝓮𝓶𝓫𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝓸 𝓯𝓵𝓸𝓼𝓼!'

He blames himself, it is probably his coldness that drove her away, his indefinite display of love for her an opposing language towards her approach. His cold demeanour being a reality check for the curse that he has to succumb to, but fails terribly when he noticed the way his heart gravitates towards her.

'NEVER KNEW LOVE SO BRIGHT COULD EVER GET THIS COLD'

Zayne's phone vibrated in the pocket of his slacks and he unlocked it with his fingertip, reading the short message that was sent by her. <𝖧𝖾𝗒 𝖹𝖺𝗒𝗇��, 𝗌𝗈𝗋𝗋𝗒 𝖨 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗄 𝖨'𝗅𝗅 𝖻𝖾 𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝖼𝖺𝗍𝖼𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝖾𝗌𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗍 𝗌𝗁𝗈𝗉 𝗅𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗋. 𝖱𝖺𝖿𝖺𝗒𝖾𝗅 𝖼𝖺𝗆𝖾 𝖻𝗒 𝗍𝗈 𝗉𝗂𝖼𝗄 𝗆𝖾 𝗎𝗉.> A rejection clear as day within the enveloping darkness of the night.

Lies. Her face faded back into the darkness and a motion showcased her shoving her phone back into her jeans. The purple haired guy beside her snakes an arm around her waist comfortably and they both trudged down the streets together, an echo of their laughter carried by the wind. Zayne wished he could give up on everything to be in Rafayel's spot now.

─┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

Xavier - FLOORBOARDS

'BURY ME UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS'

Xavier woke up, dreary and wilted. Contrary to the sun that is exploding sun rays into everyone's houses, Xavier's house remained dark, with the sun-free curtains drawn closed for the past few days. It has been a few days since he had last heard from his partner, ever since that day he nearly got her killed due to his carelessness.

Xavier and his partner were deployed onto a mission involving a dangerous underground society named Onichynus. But their cover was blown when one of their moles ended up betraying both of the deepspace hunters, given Xavier has a bounty on his head.

During combat, Xavier managed to eliminate everyone who were trying to decapitate him but he failed to remember that his partner is not exactly the most durable fighter and that got her into a life threatening situation. Laying in her own pool of blood, she was suffocating because of the multiple lodged bullets in her torso.

"Y/N!" Xavier rushed over, skidding past dead bodies to reach to her, holding her up and pulling her into his arms effortlessly. "Help is already on its way. Don't worry about it. I am sorry." He spoke, everything a blur to him because his vision was only narrowed down to the girl in his arms. The girl that made him tear off his own clothes to press it against her bullet wounds to stop the bleeding, the girl that made his work life enjoyable and the girl that gave him a meaning to live, to live FOR HER.

'HIDE AWAY WITH THE LOVE YOU LEFT BEFORE'

Xavier made his way to the kitchen, feet dragged against the flooring, as if he had ankle weights that are too heavy for him to lift up with his legs. Passing by the kitchen isle, he noticed a book sat on it. The same exact book she had given him a few days prior to the accident. Small strips of sticky notes peeking out from the side of the book, an indication for the notes she would like him to be aware of.

Xavier's constant memory loss for deepspace hunter's rules and regulations resulted in the book having to be highlighted and lent to him. Her constant nagging about him needing to be constantly following the protocols used to be a pain in his ass but now he misses it so much. Holding up the thick book in his hand, a sigh ran past his lips and he tossed the book into the thrash can that sat right beside the isle.

'WASTE OF A HEART IF IT'S NOT YOURS'

Almost every night, he sat at the benches outside of Akso Hospital, awaiting for calls from the hospital. Hoping for a report on her wellbeing, or an autopsy if there were any. It was agonizing even for someone as strong-willed as him. Days went by in silence, drowning him further into his own misery.

During his wait for her return, work goes on, with him getting paired up with other deepspace hunters whom are females. Their admiration towards him a one-sided experience for them. There was only missions and home. It shall no longer be missions, then a good meal, then home. Without her, the routine shall only ever part between missions and home.

'STRANGERS AGAIN AND I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU LEFT FOR'

His phone's ringtone jolted him to his wake, snatching the phone off of his nightstand and the news about her finally came. Within matter of seconds, he is already on his bike, riding at full speed, heading towards Akso Hospital. The low rumble of his engine coming to a full stop when he parked his motorbike at the allocated parking for bikes and he ran in.

His sneakers screeched against the cool tiled floors, making his way past people and up the flights of stairs rather than using the elevator. He could not wait to see her again, not only to give her a proper apology, but to give her a hug as well and to confess to her his true feelings.

After running up more than enough stairs to last a normie for a lifetime of workouts, he came to the floor where patients are housed. He approached the nurses at the oval table and asked for her room. "May I know what's your relationship with the patient?" The nurse asked, fingers flying across the space in front of her, pulling up the requested patient's records with holographic images.

"Boyfriend." He replied and she appointed the room to him.

'LOVE ME LESS, I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU'

He peeked his head in and spotted her from the door, her body lounging under the warmth of the sunlight. When her eyes caught his, she mimicked his expression, eyes widened and seemingly acknowledging his existence.

"How are you doing?" He walked in, closing the door behind him and taking a seat next to her. "I came by as soon as the hospital called me. Are you alright?" His cerulean blues eyeing her from top to bottom in the least sexual way, just wanting to know if she was doing alright physically. The last he met her, she was wrapped tightly like a cocoon, the once white sheets turned red at the amount of blood she had lost.

"Wait." She does not sound shocked nor happy, she sounded curious. "Who are you again?"

'I CAN'T STAND TO SEE YOU WITH SOMEONE ELSE'

Xavier stood outside of the door, silent tears invisible as he watched nurses holding her down as she screamed bloody murder, mistaking Xavier as to be one of the Onychinus. A tall man, with broad shoulders and dark hair walked past Xavier, two men accompanying behind him. Xavier caught the name tag on the man, Zayne. Stepping aside, he watched on as Dr. Zayne---who did not even spare the blond guy a stare---went into the room and he heard her cried out.

"They came for me Zayne! THEY CAME FOR ME!" She was on her wits end, grabbing hold onto Zayne's arms once he took his place beside her. "Please save me." Tears of fear a constant theme for her since she started crying and when Xavier evicted himself out of her personal space.

"It's alright, y/n." Zayne beckoned for everyone to leave the room and they all formed a trail, stepping out of the room one by one.

'WITH SOMEONE ELSE'

"Nobody is going to hurt you when I am here." Xavier caught sight of Zayne hugging her close to him, pressing a soft kiss onto her forehead. It made Xavier's eye twitch unwillingly, his breath hitching in his throat, making it super uncomfortable for him to breathe.

Xavier chose to leave, he had decided that his love for her shall only be kept to himself. Furthermore, she deserves someone who could take better care of her. Both physically and mentally. A trait Xavier strongly believes he could excel in, only if she could remember him.

─┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

Rafayel - IRIS

'AND ALL I CAN TASTE IS THIS MOMENT'

Fingers came up to run past her brunette curls, Rafayel pulled a sakura petal out of her hair. "Even if you have hair colour like this sakura pink, I think it would be a good match to mine. Since they are both from the same spectrum." He chuckled, an invigorating smile on his handsome features. "Mixing paints to get the right swatch would not be so much of a pain in the ass anymore."

"You're funny Rafayel." She replied, eyes connected to his, her words sincere like his feelings for her.

"As so I was told. Most of the time." He then slowly leaned in and they both shared a tender kiss, under the shadows of the sakura trees, children laughters and people's chatting voices framing as background music for their ears.

'AND ALL I CAN BREATHE IS YOUR LIFE'

Rafayel laid in bed next to her, studying her features closely. Her eyes closed, soft breaths circulating in and out of her nose, her cherry red lips glossed under the soft lighting present within his room, making them look extra kissable.

His fingers skimmed past her soft cheeks, causing her to stir ever so slightly but dozed right back off into her dreamland. She had gotten herself so drunk at his event just a while before. But he never knew the reason behind the willingness of her wanting to drink all of a sudden.

But there she laid, within his touch, well asleep. "How I wish you could have just told me what was bothering you rather than keeping it to yourself." His hushed voice seemingly causing no disturbance to her sleep, but it made its way into her dreamland, with him appearing in her dreams, telling her what was told in reality.

'AND SOONER OR LATER ITS OVER, I JUST DONT WANNA MISS YOU TONIGHT'

"Im sorry." Rafayel looked down at the girl in front of him, the bouquet of roses he had prepared for her being returned back to him. Her face displaying nothing but repudiation. "I can't take this. Im sorry."

"Why?" Rafayel looked at the roses. The carmine red standing out from the pristine white of the bouquet wrapper. "Are these flowers not what you like? I can go back to the florist to get different ones, the ones you may-"

"No. Rafayel, no." Her voice barely tepid. "I don't think we should meet each other anymore. I..." Her fingers toying with one another. "I fell in love with someone else." And she walked away, Rafayel's figure slowly shrunk further into the distance.

'AND I DON'T WANT THE WORLD TO SEE ME'

Rafayel holed himself up in his room, artworks all completed way before it was supposed to be done, but Thomas is not allowed anywhere near his house. He did not want to deal with anymore distractions when his mind is already in aberration.

His every stroke messy and not thought through, unalike his usual perfectionist attitude. His pupils were dull, just like the colours shown on his paintings. "It needs more black." He turned to his pots of paints, everything in shades of dark. The colour black itself, has its own palette of tones, although to the naked eyes, it looks black.

'CAUSE I DON'T THINK THAT THEY'LL UNDERSTAND'

He attended events in a timely fashion as well, arriving in his sports car and getting photographed in public. A smile as fake as his belief in love. He used to think that his life hangs in the balance for his relationship, but now it turns out his relationship is what hangs in the balance for his life.

"Is there anything you have to say about your recent change in tones, a drastic change from colourful pastels to gloomy dark shades?" One of the exhibition attendees asked, their eyes blazed with passion as they awaited for his brilliant answer.

"I don't have much to say. But I do have a context to give." He took a deep breath in, calming his nerves. "Paintings are like museums too, they are pieces of memory that one can't touch nor relive." And he left the exhibition right then and there.

'WHEN EVERYTHING'S MEANT TO BE BROKEN'

Rafayel took a walk by the boardwalk near the ocean he always visits. The sky bloomed in blue, the moon hung up high in the cloudless skies like a static mobile. A bonfire set in the distance puffing smokes out into the distance. The smokes carrying hints of red but soon blended in within the skies of blue.

Two figures sat a few feet apart from the bonfire, mashing into one under the blanket to gather warmth. Their shadows elongated behind them, a dark veil against the sands on the ground. As Rafayel got closer, he started regretting it more. There she is, within the arms of another man.

The man she was leaning up against had features like the stars in the sky, with pale complexion and striking blue eyes, with hair colour that matches the theoretically coloured stars. So, that is the guy that Rafayel was in a competition with, not that Rafayel knew to begin with. But the night she got drunk, and the following days after she stopped showing up at his house, the thought surfaced in his head. But it further confirmed it now.

'I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AM'

Rafayel stayed behind a huge rock that shields him away from the merry couple, eyes watching, heart longing for a love like theirs. The bride of his from his past life no longer related to him. He stared out towards the ocean, his vision incapable of taking in the full view of the waters.

He slowly descended into the waters, feeling the seas crawled onto his body bit by bit. He had always loved the ocean even if it tried to kill him. But losing the love of his life only meant that he looses his life as well, as his body devolved into bubbles and off he floated off the surface of the waters and taking his place within the infinite skies.

─┉┈◈◉◈┈┉

Another angst to get by another day my lovelies, I am so happy with the amount of love I am getting from all of you so I hope that this gives you guys the right amount of heart ache you guys had requested for ;)

Behind the scenes: The songs I had curated for the boys are the songs I listen to on a weekly basis if I am having mood swings, I hope this may help you to discover these underrated songs and singers :)

But ofc, the hard part for me was to think up scenarios that may match the boys' personality as always, but it also has to rhyme with the songs I am writing with. That itself put me into a writer's block and took a while to get this uploaded. But I hope it is still satisfactory for you all <3

Have a good day my loves!

[marysdonuts]

FF idea :

Jeonghan is a type of man who understands other's emotions really quick and he knows when someone have crush on him, he flirts and teases subtly sometimes too bold but would never confess first cuz he would rather get chased instead of doing the chasing so now reader is chasing him and he is in the mood to tease to the point the reader starts losing interest and stopped the chase now what will jeonghan do?

thank you for the idea!

I want to preface this with- fckn hate nonchalant men. If it was me he would be blocked already

enjoy~

Tables have turned

Oh the almighty Jeonghan. Sent from above specifically to torture you. The popular guy who has six ladies lined up on each finger hoping to get their turn. Funny, easy on the eye but that personality? Ugh, you've seen better.

You made your interest in him more than clear, still.. to this day no definite answer. Only insufferable amount of teasing. You weren't one to play the game of push n' pull. It was getting on your nerves. Especially the constant flirting with anything that moved - just for sport. Or maybe not for sport per sé but to get you jealous. Making sure you saw him making move on somebody. There was even a moment when he jokingly almost kissed you only to pull away at the last moment, smug as hell. So full of himself.

Fuck it. Does he think he is the only one who has options? Isn't the last man on Earth for sure. The hell. Time to give him a taste of his own medicine.

//

And so you danced. You danced with every man who showed even drop of interest that night. Sending Jeonghan clear message - this is what you are missing by acting like a little bitch. Drowning one drink after another. Price? Didn't matter. They were paying.

When a friend of yours, equally as drunk, suggested to climb on the bar, you thought it an excellent idea. Both of you moving to the rhythm of some latino song with questionable, extremely toxic lyrics. Drink in hand, Great Gatsby style, you cheered the growing attendance at your feet. People going feral.

"I think you've had enough fun for today," Jeonghan's cold hand grasping your ankle "time to go home."

"Who are you to tell me if I had enough?" seemingly asking the audience a rhetorical question, crushing his fingers with your heel

"Your boyfriend~" squirming in pain

"My boyfriend?? Stop pissing me off Jeonghan. I had enough of your shit. It's not difficult to find somebody better than yo-"

Fuck, am I falling?

All the drinks from before picked the worst moment to take effect. Dizzy head, weak legs, heels plus slippery bar? Unfortunate combination. You were indeed about to hit the floor.

Next thing you know shawty got low low low - Music in the background mocking your life decisions

"Aaaaaaa" crashing down, drink spilled, body aching, pride hurt

"Actually.. It doesn't hurt that much? Guess this fat ass saved me once again." patting it lovingly

"Ugh huh, or it was someone's handsome ass that saved your fat ass" Noticing Jeonghan squished under you, also lovingly patting your bum in unison

"Yah!" jumping to your feet "Don't touch me you perver-!!!" intoxication not letting you fishing your sentence, making you wobble, once again ending up in Jeonghan's arms

"I would love to oblige, my lady," fixing strand of hair behind your ear "if only you weren't so desperate for my company." delighted smile painted on lips

This fucking bitch keeps playing with me!! You wanted to punch hole into his beautiful face. Body working faster than the mouth, clenched fist flew towards douchebag's face.

KAPOW!!!

Sadly, your fist was not at all clenched, flying much further from his face, finally landing on his chest. You weren't sure if his shirt was always this unbuttoned but what was staring at you currently - pair of *shiny* man-tiddies.

"wow" blinded by the sight

"Well, well, well," Jeonghan caressed your hand moving it over his heart "do you really want to know my feelings that much?" Mischievous eyes trying to meet the hazy ones.

"yea" gaze still kinda stuck on his tiddies

"In that case, let's go somewhere more private"

//

The first time Jeonghan kissed you was in backseat of taxi on the way to his apartment. It wasn't just a kiss. More like he was feeding off your growing excitement. Producing such obscene sounds the driver had to rise the radio volume.

//

Reaching the destination, the moment the door closed shut, you found yourself pinned against them. Jeonghan's urgent lips tracing the curve of your neck.

"You really made a number on me today, you know that?" sucking at the sensitive skin, leaving mark behind

"Oh? Allow me to laugh. The Jeonghan hot and bothered? Hard to believe." tauntingly, grasping the hair

"Tell me 'bout it..," defeated exhale tickling your ear "seeing you with all those men...didn't expect to feel like that. Made me want to jump every single one of them."

"Did it, now?" placing thumb on his bottom lip "little boy got upset when his toy was taken away?" full of irony

"I was never good at sharing" allowing the entire length of your finger feel the softness of his mouth, sucking it almost apologetically

"Forgive me?" Big brown eyes praying for redemption

Not sure if it was the residual alcohol but this time his words felt sincere. Seeing him sucking on your thumb like that, all docile and at your mercy..? Ufff, you were running too hot

"Want me to forgive you, huh, " making him sink to his knees under your authoritarian tone.

"you know what to do." parted legs offering not so subtle invitation to the sinner beneath you.

.

.

.

"At your service, my lady~"

[talaok]

Hii love! How have you been? I hope you’re doing really great!

I was hoping I could request a Pedro x f!reader ooor Joel x f!reader? Reader is really drunk and so she confesses her love for him? I’m a sucker for drunk confessions hihi she’s really miserable because she loves one of them for so long but never said anything bc she’s insecure…

Oh and also, thank you so so much for your writing, it never fails to make me smile when I’m feeling down and your stories are helping me cope with stress 💕 Congratulations on your beautiful blog !!!! 😍

ok, so here's the thing, since you were so incredibly nice I decided not to choose, but instead do all the combinations, so here is: drunk confessions with Pre-outbreak!Joel, Post-outbreak!Joel, and Pedro Pascal.

pre-outbreak!Joel

"you're drunk, babygirl" he chuckled to himself as he held the bar's doors open for you.

He had offered to give you a ride home immediately after he noticed you getting a little too affectionate with everyone at the bar. 

He had originally gone out with Tommy, but as always as of lately, the thought of you had occupied his mind.

He didn't see you, he heard you first. Your beautiful laugh sounded off the walls of the dimly lit space and instantly, he (and Tommy) had known the plans for that night had changed.

" 'm not" you lied, struggling to see exactly where you were supposed to go.

"sure you aren't angel" he mocked, that smug grin still tugging at his lips as he put one of his strong arms around your back so he could guide you to the car.

The cold night air did nothing against the hot wave spreading through your body at the contact.

You wasted no time leaning into him.

He smelled of aftershave and of the hours spent working beneath the sun, and god if you didn't want to just bottle that scent up and get drunk on it every night.

"You didn't have to do this you know?" you spoke softly, your head raising to look at him better "One of my friends could have brought me home".

He laughed, his thumb unconsciously stroking your side, "I don't think any of them are in any better shape to drive than you are" he explained, lowering his head to look at you. Your pretty doe eyes made him momentarily forget what he was saying, but he quickly recovered, "Also, I don't mind"

You snorted, "You don't mind getting drunk women home? " you joked "perv"

He rolled his eyes, his mouth betraying him as it twitched into a smile "Why are you so drunk anyway?"

Your eyes briefly focused on the sky behind him before coming back to his.

"firstly," you paused for dramatic effect "I am not that drunk"

He just chuckled

"and secondly, I have some things on my mind"

"yeah, like what?" he asked, "do I have to beat someone up?"

"I wish it was that easy" you sighed, clinging to him 

He frowned "Is it a man? Did you meet someone?"

Your heart decided it would have been a good idea to pause for dramatic effect too.

"uhm- I-" Oh god you were too drunk to do this "No, it's-it's complicated"

He hummed in understanding " When is it ever not complicated?" he said "But I'm sure whatever it is it will work out, any man would be lucky to be with you angel"

And there it was, that stupid feeling in your chest whenever he said things like that.

"thank you" you murmured offering a thin smile

 __ __ __

The ride home was silent except for the soft music playing on the radio and the sound of the wind blowing through the open windows.

The air smelled of summer and cut grass, and as you soaked in the feeling, an idea arose in your mind.

A bad idea, a really bad one.

But you were drunk, and you only live once, right? He had said that any man would be lucky to be with you, so, of course, you couldn't help but wonder if he had also been included in the hypothetical, and well... now was the time to ask.

The car came to a stop right in front of your house.

You could see the lighted porch and the familiar tree in the middle of the yard, but your mind was elsewhere.

"You want me to walk you in?"

You turned to him, his big brown eyes hypnotizing.

It was now or never.

"No, I-" you stalled, knowing what you wanted to say but not knowing how to say it.

"What, angel?"

"Remember what we talked about before?" you spat out, your stomach suddenly twisted in itself 

"you mean your "complicated" situation?" he air quoted

"yeah, exactly" You nodded

"Sure, why?"

Oh god

Oh fuck

what had you done?

"Well, I-" You had to glance somewhere else, at the steering wheel, at the windshield, even at your hands, but you couldn't look at him.

"I was... I was talking about a man"

Something flashed behind his eyes but you couldn't quite put a finger on what it was.

"Do I know him?" he asked 

You could almost laugh "Well... yeah"

"Is he good to you?"

You looked at him again, just to see his complete attention directed at you, as if at that moment, only you existed.

"yes" you nodded

"Who is it?" he finally asked.

You struggled to swallow what felt like concrete in your throat.

Your palms were sweaty and your body temperature had gone up in a matter of seconds.

"Joel..." you breathed, your chest rising and falling rhythmically as you stared deep into his eyes "Joel, it's you"

There. You'd done it.

"w-what?" It wasn't every day you heard Joel Miller stutter.

"I like you, Joel" Now that you'd said it it was impossible to stop "I have for a while now"

"you..." he looked at you incredulously, as if you'd just confessed to him of being an alien.

" It's ok if you don't feel the same, we can go back as if this never happened, I just felt like I needed to tell you"

"No" he spat "No, no, we're not going back" he spoke frantically, making you smile "I like you too, angel, a lot," he said, "Ever since you moved here- I- I- Are you sure you're not just drunk?"

Your heart was beating out of your chest.

Did he just say that?

"No, Joel, it's the truth" you grinned

"fuck" he breathed, his eyes wide "I can't believe this" he murmured, leaning closer 

"I really want to kiss you right now"

"then what are you waiting for?"

~~~ ~~~

Post-outbreak!Joel  *angst because I can't help myself but there's a happy ending*

"What were you doing there?"  

He would have sounded mad to anyone else, but you knew he was really just worried.

"what were you?" you retorted, the alcohol in your veins giving your confidence a boost.

"you shouldn't hang out at places like that, those people aren't ones you want to be around when you've had too much to drink"

you didn't miss how he had avoided your question.

"Especially the men... god, sweetheart, I saw at least six guys eyeing you the entire night" he sighed, the pet name fleeing his lips involuntarily.

"how come you can go and I can't?"

He passed a hand through his hair, clearly in distress.

You were the only one able to do that, make him anxious and scared at the possibility of anything happening to you.

"y/n you know why"

"no, I don't" 

you both stopped in the middle of the street, the faint glow of the light poles barely illuminating your faces.

You could still hear the voices from the makeshift (and illegal) bar just around the corner, but the sound of your beating heart was predominant.

"Because I'm one of them" he breathed

"and yet, here you are, walking me home"

this was the thousandth time you'd had this conversation, this endless circle of you trying to convince him he wasn't the monster he thought he was, and him not believing you.

"That doesn't matter"

"I think it does"

"it's different"

"How?"

"because it's you"

You paused a moment, not knowing what to say.

Tiny little butterflies flying in your belly once again.

"You're a good man, Joel," you said, placing a hand on his bicep "No matter how hard you try to convince yourself of the opposite"

You noticed his adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed thickly.

"you don't know that y/n,"

"oh but I do" you murmured, absentmindedly getting closer "I can see it in everything you do" you spoke "I really do"

"Y/n-" he tried to speak but your lips were already on his.

You didn't know if it was the alcohol or the pent-up tension you had both spent years creating but for some reason, you couldn't do it anymore, you couldn't go on pretending that just the thought of him didn't make your stomach twist and turn.

His hand went to your face, holding it as if you were about to slip away, as if in a second you were gonna change your mind.

His lips moved together with yours, and for a moment, you were the only person on the planet.

That was, just for a moment of course, for the second Joel's mind started working again, he knew he couldn't do this. No, not to you.

He leaned away, dropping his hands by his side.

You immediately knew something was wrong, and as pathetic as it was, felt tears prick your eyes.

"this-this is wrong" he shook his head

"Why?" you could only ask in a shaky whisper

"You don't want this, you don't want someone like me"

You forced yourself to take a deep breath. You were not gonna give up, not now.

"but I do" 

"y/n you deserve someone better than me" he spoke softly, like his own words hurt him too.

"That's not true, Joel" You promised "and even if it was I don't care. I want you, and I'm tired of pretending I don't" 

"You don't know who I am, what I've d-"

"I do! I know exactly who you are Joel, and that's exactly why I love you" You spoke louder now, frustration and hopefulness mixing together dangerously "Just, please- tell me the truth, tell me how you feel so that I can at least go to sleep tonight knowing that I tried" you begged "it's fine if you don't feel the same, I just- I just need to know the truth"

"Y/n, you-you're drunk, you don't mean this..."

"Joel, please" you forced the tears in your eyes to stay put "You know I do, just tell me. Please"

His hazel eyes bored right into yours, and you were sure that if it wasn't for all those beers in you you wouldn't have been able to hold his glare.

"sweetheart I-" he didn't know what to say.

He couldn't tell you the truth right? he couldn't tell you that since he first saw you you'd been haunting his mind like a curse, he couldn't tell you that for the first time in years, he found himself smiling at something so small as you laughing at something he'd said, he couldn't tell you, because for as much as he had grown to love you, he knew, with a horrifying certainty, that he could never get used to being loved by you, by someone as perfect as you.

"Please Joel" you begged him once more, and as much as he fought it, he couldn't do it, he gave up the fight the moment he heard that sweet little voice of yours breaking.

He couldn't lie to you, not anymore.

And so he didn't.

"y/n" he said "Of course I love you"

~~~ ~~~

Pedro Pascal

You had no idea what the fuck you were doing.

Not one. Zero. Nada. Niente.

The cab had come to a stop and you still hadn't decided what to say.

The club you'd just spent the past few hours dancing and drinking at was much closer to his house than you had expected.

Your heart was thumping in your chest as you stepped onto his front porch.

You glanced at the taxi to make sure it was still waiting for you and found the driver looking curiously at you.

You had asked him to stay when the sober part of your brain realized this wasn't gonna end well.

You took a deep breath, purposely ignoring the fact you had noticed all the lights being off as you knocked on the door.

fuck, this was a mistake.

Everything fell silent for a few seconds, even your mind, and then, you heard the lock tick and the door opened.

Ok, you can do this

Pedro squinted, trying to get a better look at you.

He instantly noticed your outfit and the way your tight dress hugged every part of your body and he had to force his eyes to look away.

He, on the other side, was in what you could only guess were his pajamas: a Lakers shirt and boxers.

"y/n?" he asked, his voice hoarse and deep.

"I'm sorry, were you sleeping?"

He cleared his throat, passing a hand through his messy bed hair "no, don't worry I couldn't sleep"

"oh, alright" you breathed a sigh of relief.

"Did something happen?" he asked, eyeing the taxi beside you.

"N-no I just..." Was it just you or was it much harder to breathe all of a sudden? "I needed to tell you something"

"oh," what looked like fear fleshed behind his eyes "You want to come in?"

"n-no it's ok, I'm gonna be quick"

"alright" he nodded, wide awake now

"so..." you trailed off, "ok, the thing is that I-" you bit your lip, your nails picking some skin off your thumb in nervousness "I..."

"Sugar you're killing me here, what is it?"

You forced a small chuckle "I'm sorry" said, trying to calm your racing heart "fuck- ok, you know what? I'm just gonna say it" you decided, not giving yourself time to think about it before spitting out your next words.

"Pedro, I like you. Like- a lot" You tried to smile but your nerves got the best of you "And I know this isn't ideal and that I'm drunk and everything... but I just need you to know"

His eyes were blown wide "You're drunk?"

"well, kinda" you blew him off "but that's not the point, Pedro, I really really like you, like so much it hurts to fucking look at you" You laughed softly now at how crazy you must have sounded " I never told you because I know you don't like me back, and it's ok that you don't, but I just wanted you to know that I really fucking like you because it's been eating me alive for so long and I just needed to say it out loud"

Silence spread once again, his eyes were trained on you, and yours on his.

None of you moved or talked, and you took it as your cue to go.

"ok, I'm gonna go now" you spoke "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, goodnight" You turned to walk away when a hand grabbed your arm.

You turned around, finding his eyes trained on you with an expression you had never seen on him before.

"sugar..." he finally spoke

And there it was, the "it's great you feel that way but I think we should just remain friends" speech you could have felt coming from a mile away.

"y/n are you sure you want to do this now?"

"what do you mean?"

"I mean you're drunk, and maybe you'll wake up tomorrow and regret all of this"

"I don't care, I just wanted to tell you" You shrugged "and there's not really anything to do, Pedro, I know you don't like me, it's fine, I'm gonna go home now"

an unexpected laugh fled his mouth "You really believe that?"

You frowned, your breathing getting heavier again.

"sugar, do you really have no idea what you do to me? About all the nights I spend thinking of you? All the times I dreamed of doing exactly what you're doing right now?"

Your heart had decided to stop working completely, and to be honest, who could blame him?

There it was, Pedro fucking Pascal telling you all about what you do to him.

"I-" you could only stutter

"y/n, fuck- baby, I just- I always assumed you wouldn't want to be with someone like me"

"What?" 

"Well I mean, you're very much out of my league sugar"

"you're kidding me right?" you laughed "You're Pedro Pascal, what are you talking about?"

"And you're Y/n Y/l/n," he explained, a smile tugging at his lips.

Silence again, but this time lighter, it was an incredulous, happy silence filled with realization.

"So what does this mean?" you asked, breathless

He grinned "I have no idea," he said "I just-god, I wish you were sober so I could kiss you"

"You can kiss me"

"I don't want you to forget our first kiss"

"then I'll come back in the morning"

he smiled "Promise?"

"Promise"

[gardensgatekeeper]

Angel Straight from Hell

There’s a little devil in all of us, angel. 

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x Reader, Danny Wagner x Reader, Jake Kiszka x Danny Wagner

Word Count: 6,075

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI! Drinking, language, cheating? (if you squint), mentions of infidelity, jealousy, degradation, fluff, angst, (slight) overstimulation, oral sex (m and f receiving), digital penetration, penetrative sex (f receiving), cocky/dom Danny and Jake (because that needs a warning of its own), use of blindfold/restraints. Pure filth. Please let me know if I missed anything!

Note: This story was previously written in four short parts but I’ve combined them into one (slightly) longer read to make it a bit easier! So just a heads up if you’ve already read the previous three parts, this is updated to include what would have been part four! I also just wanted to say the biggest thank you again for the immense support on this little idea. This is the first time I’ve written something like this so needless to say, I’ve felt in over my head quite a bit but this has been really fun to write!

You and Jake had been together for nearly a year and don’t get it  wrong, the sex was nothing short of life changing, but lately, you had been a little eager to spice things up a bit. When you initially brought up the idea of a threesome, he brushed it off. You should have figured he would be too jealous to ever say yes to such a request. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust you, he just wasn’t a fan of sharing his toys with anyone, especially not a complete stranger. 

Weeks later you found yourself at a bar with the guys as they celebrated finishing their newest album. Drink after drink, you noticed yourself becoming more flirty, as alcohol always had that effect on you. As you clung to Jake's side, your eyes were also set on the tall dark haired drummer standing adjacent to you. 

Has he always been that hot?

Your eyes must have given you away because it was only a few minutes before Danny made his way over to you, the musky scent immediately filling your senses. He casually leaned down so his mouth hovered over your ear. His hot breath sent shivers down your spine. 

“I see the way you’ve been eye fucking me all night. Does he not satisfy you anymore? Or are you just a greedy little whore?” He whispered. Your thighs immediately clamped together and there was no way you weren’t dripping with desire right now. 

Jake must have noticed you tense up because he turned to check on you. “You okay?” He asked with concern. “Yeah, I just need to use the bathroom really quick.” you replied before practically running off to splash cold water on your face. Gripping the sink, you stared at your reflection in the mirror for a moment before taking a deep breath and closing your eyes. “Snap out of it, this is wrong.” 

“Is angel afraid to ask for what she wants?” Your eyes flew open to see Danny suddenly behind you. “You know, I think it’s a shame he’s trying to keep you so tame. I can see the devil behind those eyes.” 

He moved closer, pressing you against the sink. You could immediately feel how hard he was. His fingers slowly and delicately dragged from your neck down to your wrist, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind. One hand made its way further down and slipped under your dress, teasing the band of your underwear. Still trying to contain any sense of dignity and composure, you tried to suppress the whimper aching to be released, but of course Danny heard it, his free hand coming up to your throat. “Tell me what you want.” He husked. 

“Please,” You quietly breathed, needing some sort of relief. “Ah ah. Use your words angel.” He taunted. “Touch me. Fucking touch me Danny. I need you, please.” You begged. He wasted no time in slipping his hand to your sensitive core, teasing your clit. “Completely soaked.” He grinned. You normally weren’t a big fan of cockiness, especially from anyone else. But in this moment, watching him ruin you was the hottest thing you’d ever witnessed and you were ready to fold. 

Too soon, his hand retreated, making a whine leave your lips. He brought his hand up to his mouth. His eyes met yours in the mirror, making sure you watched him clean your juices that coated his fingers. “Tastes like heaven.” He hummed. Fucking hell.

You couldn’t take it anymore. You were about to burst at the seams and needed relief. Turning around, you all but shoved Danny to the ground and he quickly got the hint, understanding just what you wanted. “You better make it quick, I'm sure Jake is already wondering what’s taking so long.” You breathed out.

Practically ripping your underwear off, his mouth quickly attached to your folds before his tongue began swirling around, sending you into overdrive. Your hands knotted in his thick curls, needing something to hold onto for leverage. “Fuck Danny, don’t stop.” You gasped out.

You threw your head back and screwed your eyes shut as you felt your orgasm quickly building. “Eyes on me angel. I wanna see you cum.” He whispered out. You looked down at the sight, wondering how the hell you got here. His eyes met yours and you could have sworn you saw the devil grinning back at you. Moments later, you reached your peak and had to cover your mouth to contain the slightly pornographic moans trying to escape your body.

No sooner than you came down from your high, a knock sounded at the door. “Y/N, are you in there?” Shit! You quickly shoved Danny away but Jake was already halfway in the bathroom, stopping completely in his tracks as he very quickly realized what just went down. Expecting him to be angry and start shouting, you started to try and explain but he just shushed you.

His face was emotionless and that absolutely terrified you. Without saying anything, he simply grabbed your hand like nothing was wrong and led you out of the bar. Just before you exited the bathroom, you shot Danny a confused look, however, it seemed like he also didn’t know what was happening.

Jake was still silent as you both made your way to his car, but you were too scared to say anything else, not knowing what was going through his mind. It was only when he helped you into the passenger seat that you realized Danny still had your underwear. Mentally cursing yourself, you tried to keep a cool composure, despite the uncomfortable feeling still between your legs.

What the hell did you get yourself into?

—

As soon as the two of you got home, Jake dropped his keys in the bowl by the front door and headed upstairs. Of course, you followed hot on his trail, still trying to explain yourself but all you were met with was a soft, emotionless, “I don’t want to talk about it tonight Y/N.” The way he said your name instead of the way he always used some version of a pet name stung worse than it should have. You knew he had to be feeling something – anger, jealousy, sadness – but he was just calm. He entered the bathroom attached to the bedroom, locking himself in for a few minutes to get ready for bed. You paced outside the door, wondering if you had completely ruined the only good thing in your life. Had you selfishly thrown away a perfectly good relationship for one night of pleasure?

Jake soon emerged and walked past you as he made his way to the bed, setting his phone on the charger on the nightstand. “Jake.” You whispered out again, “Please talk to me.” This time, he did, turning towards you ever so slightly, which got your hopes up just a little. Truthfully, you’d take him yelling and throwing things over this deafening silence any day. “Goodnight Y/N.” He said as he flipped the light off, leaving you standing in the now dark room. Your heart sank to the floor as the tears began to stream down your face. How were you going to fix this?

Your head hung low as you walked out into the hallway, opting to sleep on the couch tonight because the thought of sleeping next to someone who wants absolutely nothing to do with you was just too painful to bear. Luckily, you had just done laundry earlier that day, so you headed back downstairs to grab a change of clothes before making your way to your makeshift bed for the evening. You heard your phone ding nearby, only then remembering dropping it in the bowl with Jake’s keys earlier. When you checked the notification, you saw a text from an unsaved number.

Unknown: Hey it’s Danny. Got your number from Josh. How are things?

You: He won’t talk to me. I really fucked up. I shouldn’t have done it and I don’t know how I’m gonna fix it.

Danny: It was a mutual decision Y/N. We were both in the wrong. Just let him sleep it off. I’ll talk to him tomorrow. Get some rest.

You sighed, placing your phone back on the table before dropping face first on the couch. The guilt and regret was eating you alive as you cried yourself to sleep, wishing there was any way you could go back in time and fix things.

—

The next morning, you woke up confused as you were no longer on the couch, but back in your bed. Your heart panged a bit as you turned to find the empty spot next to you neatly made up. As your senses began to wake up, you smelled coffee brewing, immediately hopping out of bed to find Jake standing in front of the bay window watching the sun slowly peek over the trees in the backyard. He must have heard you come downstairs as he gently spoke up, his voice almost sounding foreign as you hadn’t heard it in so long. “Poured you a cup. Two sugars and a dash of creamer, just how you like it.” You muttered a “Thank you” before finding the mug sitting on the counter by the coffee pot. Walking over to him, you sat your mug down on the side table before turning to him. “Jake, about last night.” You started. 

“Am I not good enough for you anymore?” He whispered out, his words stabbing through your heart like a sword. “Jake, no. No, that’s not it at all. I just, I don’t know, I was drunk and I know that’s not an excuse but you were busy and it just happened. I’m sorry Jake. I wish I could take it back, I really do. I fucked up and I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry.”

He was silent for a moment as if taking in your words to determine his next response. “Is that what you really wanted though? With Danny?” An unknown tone lacing his words. “It’s not something I planned on happening, but it just did.”

“That’s not what I’m asking. Did you enjoy it?” He asked.

Oh. Unsure of exactly what he was getting at, you decided to tread lightly to test the waters. “I mean yeah it was good, but nothing compared to you Jake. Nobody could ever make me feel as good as you do.” You replied honestly.

He shifted towards you, setting his coffee mug beside yours. You held your breath as you had no idea what his next move was going to be. Taking you completely off guard, Jake moved his hand to ghost ever so slightly over the top of the waistband of your shorts. His hands worked their way in, sliding his fingers over your core as you shuddered against his touch. Without warning, he slipped a finger in, a shaky gasp leaving your lips.

“Like this?” Your eyes were screwed shut but you could still sense the smirk on his face. “Jake.” You quietly moaned out, gripping his arm for support. Knowing he had you under his spell, he inserted another finger and your knees almost buckled when he began to curl them inwards. “Fuck!”

“I bet he doesn’t know all your favorite spots like I do.” Taking his other free hand, he lifted up your shirt before taking your left exposed nipple in his hand, twisting and pulling it until they were rock hard. You gasped out in a mix of pain and pleasure when he latched on, gently biting down on the sensitive bud for a moment before his lips ghosted your ear. “Doesn’t know that you’re an absolute whore for me. For my fingers. Isn’t that right?” You could hear the snarky tone that laced his words. Is he jealous?

“Only for you Jake. Please don’t stop.” You begged, already feeling the familiar pressure building in your core. “Oh trust me angel, you’ll be begging me to stop soon enough.” He continued curling his fingers around your bundle of nerves until cried out as you reached your high, but he kept going, teetering you on the edge of overstimulation. “C’mon, give me another one. Show me how sorry you are. Cum for me again like the desperate whore you are.” He demanded, not slowing down. Moments later you were gasping out as another orgasm ripped through you. “I can’t…Jake…” You failed to formulate a full sentence, but he knew. He withdrew his fingers, a quiet whimper escaping your mouth from the empty feeling. You were still holding on to his arm, barely able to keep yourself up as your legs felt like jelly.

You looked up at Jake as he brought his hand up to his mouth and sucked his fingers clean of your release. “Tastes like heaven.” Your mind clouded with thoughts as you immediately remembered the same words muttered by his best friend and bandmate just the night before.

Snap out of it Y/N, that’s what got you in trouble in the first place!

“Let’s get you cleaned up shall we?” He smirked as he scooped you in his arms, carrying you to the bathroom upstairs, running a warm bath with your favorite lavender soaks. You sighed in complete relaxation from the warm water but also feeling like things were okay again with Jake. He sat beside you, the two of you just enjoying each other's company without needing to speak. You noticed he was checking his phone quite a bit, assuming it was probably one of the guys since they had a shared group chat to discuss all things band related. Or by the smirk on his face, maybe one of them sent something funny? Whatever the reason was, you decided to shut your eyes and just relax for a few more minutes.

That was, until he spoke up again. "By the way, we're having company tonight."

Your eyes immediately shot open as you turned your head to look towards him.  Company? You had a bad feeling about this.

“Oh, uh are the guys coming over?” You asked, trying to hide the nervousness in your tone. “Yeah, something like that.” He replied. You could’ve sworn you saw a faint smirk ghost over his lips but before you could even be sure, it was gone.

Still weary of Jake’s behavior and unsure of where exactly you two stood, you decided to do whatever you could to stay in his good graces, starting by putting on his favorite lingerie set under your shorts and t-shirt when you got out of the bath. Afterwards, you headed downstairs, turning his favorite vinyl record on while you headed into the kitchen to make his favorite recipe.

Jake must have noticed as he came up behind you, wrapping his arms around the front of your waist as his lips ghosted your ear. “What’s all this?” He hummed softly. “I just want to show you how much I love you. You mean everything to me Jake.” You replied honestly. “So you’re not just trying to butter me up as a way to make me forget what happened last night?”

There it was.

“Jake, what do you want me to say? I said I was sor-” He interrupted you before you could finish the sentence. “I’m just messing with you love. Now c’mere, I think I’d rather just skip to dessert anyways.”

His hands suddenly gripped your ass as he turned and lifted you up on the counter. You let out a little squeal of surprise as this was not quite what you were expecting. His hands roamed up your legs before pulling your shirt up until the fabric covering your breasts was exposed. The second he saw the lacy material, he immediately froze and looked up at you with eyes so dark, you could see your reflection in them. “Upstairs, on the bed. Now.” He growled. “When I get up there, you better only be in this.” He said, pulling the strap of your bra up before letting it snap back against your skin, making you gasp out from the slight sting.

You practically slid down from the counter and he aggressively gripped your ass again with one more demand. “And if you so much as think about touching yourself, think again.” Half-sprinting up to the bedroom, you thought about how you should be scared. How you should be so nervous about what was to come, but truthfully, you were so fucking turned on by his slightly aggressive demeanor.

Obeying his command, you stripped out of the worn t-shirt and shorts before situating yourself on the bed in a rather revealing position. Minutes passed as you waited for Jake to come upstairs, becoming more impatient as the time went on. You were starting to get antsy, the wetness in your panties starting to feel uncomfortable as it only reminded you of the pleasure you started feeling some time ago that was now a distant memory. You knew he had to be testing you, a sort of sick version of revenge. As much as you wanted to defy him, you were already treading on thin ice and you didn’t need another nail in the coffin.

After what felt like hours (though was realistically no more than ten minutes), your lover finally stumbled up the stairs. He wore a pleased look on his face when he saw that you had obeyed his request. “So she can listen after all?” He smirked as he made his way over to you. “Up to the headboard darling.” He whispered in your ear. Jake then walked kneeled to the ground as he pulled a small box from underneath the bed. Your eyes widened at the realization of the box’s contents. “Do you trust me, Y/N?” You nodded profusely but that wasn’t good enough for him. “Words. I need you to say it.” He offered softly. “Yes Jake. I trust you.” Your response was met with a quiet “Good girl” and you almost moaned out right then.

You watched as Jake pulled a couple items from the box - a blindfold and a pair of handcuffs. Your legs subconsciously clamped together at the thought of what he had planned for you. That box was typically only reserved for special nights. You weren’t quite sure what was so special about this one, but you weren’t complaining.

Jake gently took your hands in his as he fixed the metal restraints on your wrists before attaching them to the headboard. He looked to you for confirmation that they weren’t too tight against your wrists before grabbing the blindfold that he had placed on the bed beside you. With two senses gone, the rest were heightened as they were now your only means at knowing what was going on around you. You listened intently as you heard Jake move around the room.

“I’m right here, Y/N.” His reassurance was exactly what you needed as you felt his hands start to explore your exposed body. They felt a little rougher but you just chalked it up to the fact that your body was so hyper aware of his touch. His hands moved up your hips to reach behind your back, unclasping the hook that held your breasts. You then felt him grasp your flesh as he sucked on the skin, sure to leave a mark. “Fuck, Jake, don’t stop.” You moaned out.

You softly whimpered out when his movements halted until you felt his hands on your hips. He traced his fingers delicately above the waistline of your panties and you bucked your hips up in response. “Please Jake. Stop teasing.” You heard him chuckle, but it seemed a little too quiet considering how close he was to you.

He finally slipped the fabric down your legs before moving his attention back to your core. He slowly began rubbing circles on your clit, making you moan out once again. Before you knew it, he entered a finger and you clenched around it. You heard him grunt out, his voice a bit deeper than usual but nonetheless, you continued to cry out when he inserted another finger. His fingers curled inside you as you felt your orgasm quickly approaching. 

Just when you thought you couldn’t take any more pleasure, you felt his mouth cling to your swollen clit and gasped out. “Fuck Jake, I’m gonna-” You screamed out. “Do it.” His tone was taunting, as if daring you to do it. Once again, his voice sounded a bit distant, but your head was too clouded by the immense pleasure being given to give it a second thought. With one more thrust of his fingers in your soaked cunt, you cried out as your orgasm overtook you.

When his fingers were removed, you whimpered out, a mix between still being sensitive and sudden empty feeling. The bed dipped as you felt him climb up towards you. You felt his fingers rest on top of your lips and you gladly opened up to taste yourself on him. “Tastes like heaven, doesn’t it angel?”

Your body froze at the sudden realization. Danny. As if he could sense your change in demeanor, he pulled his finger from your mouth and removed the blindfold from your eyes. You squinted for a moment to get used to the light change before focusing your attention on the male in front on top of you. Just as quickly, your head whipped around until you found Jake sitting in a chair in the corner of the room with the biggest smirk on his face.

“What the fuck is going on?” You practically yelled out. Jake stood up and walked over to you before responding. “Well, Daniel and I had a little chat about what happened the other night and since it seemed like you enjoyed it quite a bit, we thought, why not continue the fun? Isn’t that right Daniel?” He grinned, turning towards his friend and bandmate.

“Absolutely. Jake had to see firsthand just how responsive his whore was to my touch. You feel like a wet dream clenched around my fingers like that. Almost came from just watching you squirm under me angel.” Though you were in complete shock at first at the fact that they had been scheming behind your back, your mind quickly switched gears as you decided to play along with their game.

“Is that all you two got?”

It was like a flip had switched in both of the men in front of you as their eyes immediately darkened. Danny was the first to act, quickly freeing your wrists before turning his attention to Jake as if silently communicating what their next move would be. Danny backed away momentarily as Jake sauntered to you still spread out on the bed. He gripped his hand in your hair just enough that the pleasure overtook the pain.

“You wanna play with the devil baby? Don’t start crying when you get burned.” He practically growled in your ear. You whimpered softly as his words shot straight down to your core. “On the floor. Get on your knees.” He ordered and you obeyed, practically jumping off the bed. You stared up at him in front of you, waiting for your next command. Instead, he just let out an annoyed puff of air before speaking. “What the fuck are you waiting for? I’d expect you to know what to do by now.” He husked out.

Nodding your head, you quickly fumbled to unhook his belt. Even though it was covered by his boxers, you could see just how pent up he was, his swollen dick throbbing under the constraints of the black fabric. Still, you couldn’t help but slowly palm him, absolutely loving the way he felt in your hands.

“Y/N, this is not the time to be a fucking tease. If your mouth is not wrapped around my cock in the next thirty sec-”

Jake didn’t even have time to finish his sentence before you yanked his boxers down and licked a long stripe up his length, making him shudder in utter pleasure. “Fuck.” He whispered out. This was one of things you adored about Jake - watching him come undone from even the slightest touch. It got you off as much as it did him.

But being the impatient person he is, this wasn’t the time for slow, delicate touches. His hands found their way back in your hair as he shoved his dick down your throat without warning, making you gag a bit before, quickly having to adjust. Tears began to leak from your eyes as he rammed in and out of your mouth, forcing himself even deeper. You gagged again as he hit the back of your throat. Jake let out a breathy chuckle at your slight struggle before looking up at Danny, who was intently watching the scene in front of him.

“See Daniel, this is how you get her to shut up. Give her something better to do with that mouth. Tends to get her in a bit of trouble sometimes.” He turned his attention back to you before continuing. “I bet you do it on purpose though. Love to get me all riled up so I have no choice. Isn’t that right?” He taunted. You knew he obviously wasn’t expecting you to answer but you still nodded your head in response. He finally pulled out and you gasped for air, your lungs burning as the oxygen finally rushed back in.

“Doesn’t she look so pretty Daniel? Face all red and fucked out from taking my cock so well.” Jake directed towards his band mate. “Shit yeah. So fuckin’ hot.” He replied, slightly caught off guard at the attention that suddenly had been directed towards him.

“Y/N, why don’t you go show our dear Daniel just how much you love his dick. Treat him well, hm? He is our guest after all.” You let out the breath you didn't know you were holding. Sure, Jake had a slightly smug side to him, but you had never seen him quite like this before. Even though you knew you were the one really running the show here, the way Jake was taking the lead and sweetly demanding orders was the hottest thing you’d ever witnessed. You made a mental note to bring this up later as it was a side you definitely wanted to see again.

Danny’s eyes followed you as you moved back towards the bed. He followed suit, sitting back on the mattress as you slowly made your way closer to him. It felt so strange having someone other than Jake in front of you, but you quickly reminded yourself that this is something you wanted. It was one thing to hookup with your boyfriend’s best friend in the privacy of a bathroom. It was another to have your boyfriend and best friend essentially plot a threesome behind your back. This was completely new territory and you had no idea what you were doing. As if Jake could sense your slight hesitation, you heard him speak out. “It’s okay Y/N. I’m right here behind you. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. If you want to st-”

You turned slightly towards him, but your attention was glued to the floor. “No, I want to. I just.” You paused. “He’ll take good care of you, I promise. Won’t you Daniel?” He posed. Danny mumbled out a “Of course” before you felt his hand gently grab your chin, directing your attention back to him. “Do you trust me Y/N?” His brown eyes were so warm and inviting and you nodded.  “Yes, Danny. I trust you.” You replied honestly.

In reply, Danny gently pulled you on his lap and leaned in closer before connecting his lips to yours. Though it was just a simple kiss, it did work to slightly distract you as you shut your eyes and just enjoyed the moment. Danny continued to slowly test your comfort level, increasing the intensity of the kiss, grabbing your ass to pull you impossibly closer. Soon enough you found yourself subconsciously grinding against his lap, needing to get some sort of relief. “Christ Y/N. You’re gonna be the death of me.” Danny muttered. “As much as I want to flip you over and fuck you senseless right now, Jake might actually kill me if he didn’t get you first.” You chuckled a bit as you heard Jake call out “You’re damn right” from behind you.

Danny shifted his position a bit to kick his boxers off and you gaped as his dick sprang free. Compared to Jake, Danny was a bit bigger, though not quite as thick. Still, you were completely mesmerized as your hands slowly found their way to his raging erection. He watched you intently as your head lowered, slowly taking him in your mouth. He hissed out and instinctively bucked his hips up. You gagged as Danny gently pushed your head down until his tip reached the back of your throat, quickly grabbing onto his thighs for support as you hollowed your cheeks to be able to take him fully. “Fuck, you feel so good.”

You continued to bob your head up and down, using your hands to work the rest of his length that you couldn’t fit in your mouth. You jumped slightly as you felt another pair of hands on your hips before realizing it was just Jake. “It’s only me love. You still good?” He chuckled out, though still fully serious. You nodded your head to the best of your ability while it was still wrapped around Danny’s cock. “You look so pretty taking his cock so well. Think you can handle two at once? Or is that too much for you?”

Briefly removing your mouth from Danny, you verbalized consent for him to continue. Though you were nervous as fuck, you knew you Jake would never force you to do anything you weren’t completely on board with.

With your hands on Danny’s thighs for support, you continued to bob your head up and down. Jake teased himself against your slick folds before inserting himself all the way. The vibrations of the moan they came from within you made Danny sigh out a breathy “Shit, so fuckin’ good.” You’d never felt this full before and it was truly an unreal experience. Jake continued to thrust so unforgivingly from behind while Danny was on the verge of unraveling. Moments later, you felt his warm release fill your mouth and you pulled back to show that you had swallowed every last drop, earning a fucked out grin from him.

Jake then pulled you up closer to his chest before whispering in your ear. “Did you treat our guest as I asked? I hope you were a good girl for him.” You could only nod in agreeance as he began to toy with your clit while still fucking you relentlessly. Your eyes were screwed shut but somehow you could still see the smug look on his face. “That’s my girl.”

Your senses were being pushed to their limits when you suddenly felt a pair of hands tending to your breasts. When you opened your eyes, you gasped out at the sight of Danny playing with the buds of your nipples until they were rock hard. He latched onto one and the moan you let out echoed throughout the room. The combination of both his and Jake's touches had you teetering on the edge of another orgasm.

“Fuck, ple-, I’m gonna-” You couldn’t even form full sentences as the pleasure clouded your brain. “You think we should let her finish Daniel? Think she’s earned it?” Jake teased. You couldn’t help but cry out pathetic begs, needing to finish. Looking down at Danny, you gave your biggest doe eyes to plead with him. “Please Danny, can I cum?” You cried out as Jake hit another spot of pleasure within you.

You saw Danny’s eyes flick up to Jake’s as if asking for approval to be the deciding voice before he looked back at you. “Cum for me Y/N. Cum on Jake’s cock.” He demanded.

You practically screamed out as the white hot pleasure seemed to overtake you instantly, having to grab onto Danny’s shoulders for support so you wouldn’t fall. Jake let you catch your breath as you came down from your high before gently pulling out. Danny grabbed your chin and met your eyes. “Don’t think you’re finished just yet, do you angel? Now come here and give me one more. Think you can do that for me?” His voice sounded so sweet but was laced with a slight demanding tone. You simply nodded in response and he not-so-gently pushed you to lay back on the bed.

Without any warning, he lined his tip up before slamming his cock into you all at once, making you cry out from how sensitive you were. His eyes softened for a moment to make sure your cries weren’t from pain and you reassured him. “Please, keep going. Fuck me Danny.” You practically begged. He didn’t waste any time in continuing to thrust into you completely. Looking over, you hadn’t noticed that Jake was standing off to the side of the bed, tending to his own needs as he watched the scene unfolding before him. Watching his best friend fuck his girlfriend.

Between that thought and Danny moving your leg above his shoulder, hitting an even deeper pleasure point, you moaned out a plethora of praises to both guys that you knew would go straight to their heads (and dicks).

You could feel the band in your core starting to tighten once again as you clenched around Danny. His eyes darkened as he spoke out. “So beautiful Y/N. You look like a fuckin’ goddess I swear. God I want to take a picture and hang it above my fireplace so I never forget how good you look wrapped around my cock. So fuckin perfect.” His words sent shivers down your spine as you clenched around him again.

“Watch it Wagner. You may have her right now, but she’s still my girl.” You heard Jake rasp out from beside you.

Danny turned back to you and grinned before speaking again. “Yeah but don’t forget what got us here in the first place. Someone wasn’t doing their job properly. Wasn’t fucking the poor little thing enough.” He huffed.

Jake groaned out a “Fuck you” which Danny immediately returned. You sat up a bit and grabbed Danny’s chin to bring his attention back to you. “Hey moron, why don’t you finish fucking me first then you can fuck him.” You quipped back, only half-joking. His eyes shot up in surprise as he very quickly directed his full attention back to you.

Switching positions, Danny pulled you on his lap and fucked you harder than anyone ever had before. With just a few more thrusts, your body begged for release and Danny didn’t waste any time getting you there. “Fuck!” You cried out as yet another orgasm overtook you, simultaneously feeling Danny’s hot release shoot inside you. You collapsed forward on his chest, listening to Danny’s heart beating at an increased rate.

You looked over at Jake as you heard his silent grunts, signaling his own finish, the white ivory stripes painted across his stomach. With a fucked out smile, he walked over to the bed. You sat up a bit before leaning over towards him to lick his stomach clean of his release. He leaned down to you, connecting his lips to yours as he could taste himself on you.

“You did so good. So proud of you baby.” He praised. Danny gently tapped your thighs, signifying that he was going to pull out, making a slight whimper leave your lips. You rolled over to lay back on the bed. As you turned your head, you saw the two conversing as they headed towards the bathroom, most likely to grab a washcloth.

The exhaustion from the recent activities suddenly caught up to you as your eyes began to feel immensely heavy. Just before you drifted off into a deep sleep, you felt a hot breath in your ear and a voice spoke out, “I knew there was a little devil hiding in you angel.”

✶ ✶ ✶

Taglist:

@starcatcherchords @jannysarcher @bimbokiszka @itsdannysworld @dannys-dream @ignite-my-love @stardustcatcher

[my-writings-and-musings]

Mer!Rodimus x Reader

In light of Mermay and a recent ask I wrote a little something with Rodimus meeting the reader, I hope you enjoy!

If you like my writing style, you can always commission me, and please reblog to help spread my work! Thank you!

The last thought you'd had before the wave had smashed your boat was whether or not drowning would be painful, but a chunk of debris cracking into your head had plunged your mind into darkness before you could find out. You'd have expected to wake up dead, or rather not at all, but when consciousness did finally return you found yourself feeling less than grateful for the good fortune.

Crashing waves and the song of seabirds would have made for a gentle awakening on any other occasion, but they were hard to appreciate when your body ached from head to toe, the agonizing epicenter throbbing in your ribs as you tried to take your first waking breath. Tasting a nauseating abundance of seawater, you gagged and coughed despite the pain, opening your eyes only to snap them shut against what felt like blinding light. 

Tenderly cradling your ribs, which were definitely bruised and probably cracked, if not broken, you curled up on what you realized was stone before a cold, salty spray on your face compelled you to slowly open your eyes once more. Though the light didn't help your aching head, you powered through it and adjusted to the brightness, finding yourself in the mouth of a cave and facing a brilliant pink and orange sunrise over the sea. The storm was gone, much like your boat, and for the life of you, you couldn't figure out how you weren't at the bottom of the ocean. 

Your answer came when you turned your head to find a massive red being curled about you on the rocks.

"Hey, you're alive!" he said delightfully, startling you so badly your broken body managed half a jump before the pain once more rooted you to the spot. As you hissed and cradled your aching side, there came a flurry of apologies, and while you couldn't have run even if you'd wanted they still sounded sincere enough to quell the immediate urge to flee. "Sorry! Scrap, sorry! I should have figured that would scare you!"

Painfully catching your breath, you raised your heavy head for your first clear look at the massive being, able to discern what exactly he was now that the two of you were facing each other. A metallic carapace combined with a long, powerful tail made his identity clear even to your lagging brain. You met his bright blue optics as you croaked out the only words you could think of. "You're a merformer..."

To your continued surprise, the mech actually huffed in offense at your words, tapping his tailfin against the rock as he rested his helm in the palm of his servo. The sarcasm in his voice made you feel more than a touch of guilt. "I prefer Rodimus."

"Rodimus. I'm Y/N." you replied automatically, your manners taking over and almost compelling a "nice to meet you" past your lips before the absurdity of the situation stopped you. Everything was still so hard to make sense of you could have sworn your tired eyes saw him brighten once he learned your name. Lying back on your side, you winced at a fresh bout of pain from your head, hissing and gingerly feeling out the bruises and tiny cuts criss crossing your skin. Though you had vague memories of your boat and a storm, it was far too blurry to make sense of, and certainly didn't explain why you were here in a cave with a merformer and not at the bottom of the ocean. You remembered enough of the pounding rain and raging waves to know you shouldn't be alive, and so you turned to Rodimus in hope of answers. "What happened? I was on my boat, and I couldn't get it back to shore. I remember an... explosion?"

"Big wave, but basically the same effect." he explained, stretching out his long tail and resting on his belly in a much more casual posture. The words reminded you of the final rush of water that had slammed into your body, and the abrupt blackness that had overtaken you immediately afterwards. Your eyes went wide as you finally put it all together. After the wave had smashed your boat and you'd been tossed about with the debris, Rodimus must have saved you from the raging sea, bringing you to this cave so that you could rest and recover. The pride in his expression made it clear he was quite pleased with the accomplishment. "I figured that little thing wouldn't be up for the challenge." 

"You saved me." you said weakly, trying to process how near you'd been to dying. It had been close enough that you'd more or less accepted it, believing there was nothing that could have saved you as your ship was battered by the sudden and inescapable storm... Yet here you were, injured but alive, all thanks to this mech. With the less than ideal treatment merformers got from humans, you were especially grateful for his selfless act, and allowed the emotions to read openly on your face as you looked back up to him. "Thank you. Really. I thought I was going to die out there-"

An attempt to crawl his way to take his hand sent a fresh spasm of pain through your body, cutting you off with a sharp hiss as you reflexively curled in on yourself. Rodimus pushed himself forward on his tail the second you expressed distress, his own expression gaining a dash of panic and his hands hovering helplessly over you before he spoke up quickly.

"You might still die here, I don't really know how to patch humans up, sorry." he apologized as you looked back up to him. Perhaps you'd just suffered a concussion and it was taking hold, but in the soft pink light Rodimus was undeniably handsome, his bright colors framing the pleasant angles of his face in a way you couldn't deny was appealing. It didn't hurt that his concern was fully appreciated, especially with the amount of pain making you quite certain you were indeed in need of medical attention. Looking beyond the cave, he went quiet for a moment, optics distant in deep thought before he made up his mind on something and let out a small sigh. His heavier tone implied whatever he'd decided on to be quite important. "There's a beach nearby that's usually full of people, I can take you there if you promise to be cool."

"Be cool?" you repeated in confusion.

"Don't scream for them to shoot me." he replied simply, pushing off the ground to maneuver right over you and out the cave's entrance. Dropping himself down the short distance to the ocean below, he splashed into the waves before bringing his upper half right back up, resting his arms against the mouth of the cave to speak at eye level. The new angle made the conversation feel far more equal, and you found yourself briefly lost in the brilliant blue depths of his optics before he spoke again. "I'll drop you off on an old boat dock, and you can handle the rest from there, yeah?"

Though it took you a moment to process, your nod of agreement seemed to make him happy, and you found yourself smiling in return despite your current condition.

"You look pretty light. I'll carry you there if you don't mind getting wet again." he offered, balancing on his tail so he could offer his arms. The gesture surprised you considerably, the whole situation moving so fast you'd have struggled to keep up even without a head injury. Not only were you not dead, but you owed your life to a merformer, a species your own had been on tense terms with at best for much longer than you'd been alive. You'd never even met one before Rodimus, yet here he was offering to literally carry you to safety after saving your life... Even if you'd never believed the rumors about all members of his species despising humans, his actions still surprised you. Admittedly though, having no other options did make the decision to trust him even easier.

It took some work to get you in his arms, but Rodimus was as careful as he was patient, fully supporting your weight as he allowed you to lay across his arms as slowly as you needed not to jostle your injuries. The mild pain was well worth getting even closer, your tired body finding a small measure of comfort from being held against his chassis thanks to a mysterious hum from within that soothed your aches and compelled you to relax. When you were secured bridal style in his grasp, Rodimus pushed away from the cave and into more open waters, dipping just low enough for your soiled clothes to once again turn soaked. You hardly minded for a multitude of reasons.

 "Why are you still helping me?" you asked suddenly, looking up at him and squinting against the bright light reflecting off the waves. It seemed like he'd just been passing by when your boat had been smashed, and you could believe he'd simply jumped in to save you on a whim, it didn't make much sense for him to risk all this now that he could swim off and leave you to figure things out. Most humans probably wouldn't have helped him in an emergency, and even now he was risking the reactive bigotry of your species just to get you help more expediently.

"I'm pretty invested at this point. I don't want all my hard work to go to waste." he replied in a mostly playful tone after a second of silence. The logic was somewhat sound, and as the waves lapped at your body you almost felt like you understood before he threw a fresh bit of confusion your way with a wink. "Plus, once you don't look like something the sea spat up, you might actually be kinda cute."

The answer briefly stunned you into silence, but as he quickly rounded the shore and you started to spot signs of human habitation, you found yourself panicking at the idea you might soon be saying goodbye. Rodimus had saved your life, and all of your confusing feelings aside, you felt that deserved a proper thanks you couldn't currently give. Desperation to have that chance leaked into your words as they tumbled out. "Can I see you again?"

Rodimus went wide-opticed, his frame wobbling in the water as one would if they'd just stumbled over their own feet on land. "Well, I don't normally hang around in one place for long, but..." he faded out as he briefly tread water, tail undulating to keep him and you upright. Something passed between the two of you as he met your gaze again, and you almost found yourself grateful for the boat crash as you looked into the depths of his optics and got him to smile, his arms holding you a tad bit more closely as he answered. "If you can make it back to this cave in the next few weeks, we'll see what happens."

"I'll make it happen." you promised, determined to find him the second you were well enough to do so. It didn't matter if you had to rent a rowboat and paddle your way there, you were going to see him again. Judging by how he perked up at your vow and the obvious protective nature of his grip, you were certain he was willing to do just as much, if not more, to ensure the two of you got the chance to meet again.

[robraeinnevermore]

NSFW angst robrae fic scene plz? 😭

tw: mentions of character death / grief / sad sex

_____________________________________________

It had been weeks. Grief obviously hit everyone differently but none of them had anticipated this. None of them were unfamiliar with the concept of death, let alone the experience and Dick was no exception. They were all grieving. How could they not? The world was significantly duller with Starfire gone. Dick hadn’t left his room, festering in his emotions and rotting away with Kori’s memory. The air seeping from his room was bitter. It was miserable enough for Raven, having to breathe in the already saturated sadness that perforated the entire tower, but just passing by his room nearly brought her to her knees. Dick’s pain was immeasurable, that much was clear.

Raven had tried for years to get him to open up to her, but he always had casualties to brush her off with. A locked vault only Starfire seemed to have the missing combination to that Raven could never quite crack. Now he had nothing, and he was drowning.

Knocking on his door proved fruitless, there was nothing anyone could say to get him to listen or respond. He’d done something to the locking mechanism on his door so no one could enter without breaking the door down. Cyborg threatened it a few times, but they were all hollow. Raven could sense Dick well enough to know if he needed intervention, and to their dismay he remained stable enough. He wasn’t dead, but arguably alive. Raven had to do something.

Phasing into his room Raven is surprised by the surroundings. She’d expected chaos, upheavals of everything in his room as the turmoil inside him continued to erupt. But there was nothing. As if no one had been here for days. Every book was neatly placed on his shelves, paperwork and folders stacked and neatly aligned on his desk, his closet door ajar just enough to show the uniform line of his clothes still neatly pressed and sleek as ever. If it weren’t for the haggard rise and fall from the mound of decaying emotion on the bed she would assume he hadn’t been here at all.

“Richard,” She calls to him, slowly moving across the carpet toward his bed.

“Get out,” Dick’s voice is muffled, rough, and hoarse from unuse.

It’s almost exactly what she expects from him; the immediate shutdown. Trying, as he often did, to block her out from the perception that he was weak, even if she never thought so herself.

“That’s a good impression of me at sixteen, but I’m not going anywhere,” She tries to tease, her voice still holding a level of tension she can’t shake.

“Raven,” Dick spits her name like it’s bile.

It’s a warning, threatening as ever but she’s unwavering. He doesn’t scare her but his unpredictability does.

“Rob,” She tries to tug on his sympathy, a nostalgic habit she’d never been able to break.

It has the opposite effect; his mourning cocktail seethes with heat, spicy anger boiling the already humid saturation of emotion.

“Raven,” He snaps again, his boulder of a body pops and cracks as he rises from the mattress.

“You can’t stay like this, this isn’t good for you,” Raven ignores his tone.

“I said to get out,” He looms over her.

His height had never intimidated her before but there was a coldness to his aura that chilled her. He felt hollow; his emotions only seemed to swarm around his body like wasps. Nothing clinged to him internally like it should, he was dispelling them all on purpose but the emotion had nowhere else to go. His eyes were hard as they looked down at her, through her.

“No.” She remains stagnant, trying to breathe through all the tension. “You need help, Dick,”

“You can’t help me,” He growls.

“I can try,” Raven takes a cautious step forward, her hand lifting to extend out toward him like a feral animal.

His eyes snap down to her hand and he grimaces, immediately shoving her hand away and stepping into her space.

“How do you plan to do that? You think you can just come in here and talk me through everything and it will just be fine? You think you have some magic words to go back in time and make this never happen?” He snaps at her.

“You know I can’t do that,”

“Exactly. So you can’t help me. No one can help me.”

“Star wouldn’t want to see you like this,” Raven murmurs.

“Don’t you think I know that!” He yells, crowding Raven’s space and lashing out to grip the top of her arms. “Do you have any idea how much I think about her? How much I crave to hear her tell me her thoughts, her opinions? I want her to tell me how stupid this is. How irrational I’m being. I want to feel her love again, Raven,”

Dick collapses against her, the weight of his body nearly knocking them both over before she can gather him in her arms and hold him steady. His forehead molds to her dip in her shoulder, his shattered breath dampens her skin as he clings to her, his fingers digging into her clothing and skin.

“Rich—“

“I can’t,” He chokes, pulling Raven tighter against his body. “I thought it would stop. I thought I could take it. I knew it would hurt but I never thought it would feel like this. It doesn’t go away, Rae. There’s not a second I don’t think about her; how I miss her, how she used to sound and touch and feel. God, she was my fucking world, Rae,”

Raven’s heart shatters, it had already been wounded long before she came in here but she had never expected to find him just as broken. All words escape her mind, chest heaving as her mouth falls open and she holds him tighter.

“I feel like I can’t even breathe without her. My entire body feels like it’s missing something and I can never get it back. I don’t want to feel like this forever,” He sobs.

“You won’t,” She tries to assure him, her voice coming out softer than she means as her hands soothe his back. “Rich, I know it hurts but Star loved you so much, she would want you to get better,”

“I don’t think there is any getting better,”

Raven’s eyes burn with tears and she has to blink them back, rolling them up to the ceiling trying to keep them at bay. The sadness pouring out of him is heavy like it’s been marinating in his bones, interwoven so tightly it had become a part of his essence. A sob catches in his throat and he stiffens suddenly.

“You…. You can take it away….”

“Rich… I don’t…”

“Please, Raven.” He begs, finally lifting his head to look up at her face, showing off what looks like decades’ worth of exhaustion behind his eyes. “I… I don’t want to feel like this anymore,”

His shaky hands rise to find her waist, his fingers soothing out the wrinkles in her shirt before he dips his face back down to her neck, pressing his nose along her pulse. Raven frowns, leaning into him subconsciously as her hands slide up to his shoulders. He’s asking a lot from her and he knows it. They would be taking a lot from each other and the thought made her nervous. This wasn’t how she had wanted to help him cope, but if this is what he needed that’s what she was here for. Slowly she winds her arm around his neck and he takes that as enough encouragement to begin mouthing down her throat.

“This won’t fix anything,” She breaths as he begins pulling her back toward his bed.

“I know,” He grumbles. “I just don’t want to think. I don’t want to feel. For just a minute, please, just give me that,”

Dick sits at the edge of the bed, pulling Raven to stand between his legs as his hands slip under her shirt and over her stomach. Her fingers instinctively tighten into fists against his skin, her nails pinch and indent the area lightly but he doesn’t comment. It’s so hard to say no to him like this. She’d only been experiencing a fraction of what he’d been going through the last few weeks, and she had wanted to help him after all. Raven sighs and leans into his touch, Dick immediately takes the hint and drops his hands down to the back of her thighs, guiding her legs over his to seat her in his lap. His hands slide along her skin, her eyes slipping shut as she lets him take charge, doing whatever he needs to spark the flame he’s trying to ignite.

Dick’s mouth finds her neck again and she lets her breath shudder in response, leaning her chest against his. His mouth grows more fervent with her acceptance, his arms wrapping tighter around her waist as he pulls their bodies flush against each other. Her hands still hold into his shoulders for support, leaning her head to the side to allow him more access. He drops a hand to the bed, breaking his kiss from her throat to look behind him before tightening his grip around Raven’s waist and rolling them over, dropping her onto the mattress underneath him. She grunts as she bounces from the action, looking up at his face only to have his eyes downcast, staring almost blankly at the sheets next to her head. Lifting her hand from his shoulders she slides her fingers into his hair, trying to draw his attention. Robin ignores the attempt, burying his face against the crook of her shoulder and neck while his hands move along her waistband as he begins to shed their clothes.

A familiar sensation with unfamiliar hands, but it excites her nonetheless. Lust slowly begins to season the air, easing the thickness of its humidity so it’s a little easier to breathe. Everywhere their skin touches feels like it bristles with energy, surging around them as they lose themselves in mindless pleasure.

The act itself is far from romantic. Their hands knead over each other just enough to warm up their bodies unti Dick can slip into her. They both shudder at the feeling as he sinks deeper, his movements slowing momentarily before he resumes with stoic determination. His pain is so strong Raven can only take it in doses. Trailing her fingers over his back and along his spine to seep the emotion from his body. Each time she does his breath grows a little quicker, his thrusts moving more erratic as if life had suddenly been granted to him again.

They barely look at each other. Raven’s cheek pressed to the side of his head, her eyes furrowed shut in concentration. Dick’s head buried in the crook of her shoulder, his hot breath ghosting over her skin in heavy pants with each thrust. The faintest moans of either exertion or enjoyment mingle with his breath. Their skin slapping together masks the saddened desperation that fills the otherwise silent room.

When he finally finishes it hardly feels like a relief. Dick groans, deep and guttural as his hips stutter and rut against her pelvis, while the rest of his body sags heavily, slumping as if the action had only further exhausted him rather than bringing him solace. Raven hardly focuses on the feeling of her body as she curls her arms around his shoulders, holding him to her chest. Her hand finds the back of his head, slipping into his hair to lightly scratch along his scalp. His breath is heady against her shoulder, his exerted huffs waning into soft shaky trembles. His pain surges and something wet trails down her neck.

“I loved her so much,” Dick mumbles against her shoulder, his voice finally brimming with the emotion she’d been desperate to hear.

God. They all had loved her, but that’s not what he’s looking to hear right now and she knows it. No one loved her as much as he did.

“I know,” Raven whispers against his hair. “I’m sorry,”

It takes him a moment before he answers, finally mustering the strength to roll off and away from Raven’s body. “Me too,”

[sweeter-than-teafood]

Sitri: Attacker Card -Prologue

TW: Mentions of potions, simulated death, Sitri is about to have a bad time, not a lot happens in this part simply because it’s the prologue.

AN: Okay~ I’m so happy to get this finally up together, it’s been nearly two months since I started this fic. I was inspired by yanano-hiresei’s Sitri Bloodshed Card artwork, it’s so incredible <3

Enjoy~

——————————————————

Paradise Lost

“You’re certain this will work?”

Ra-On glanced up from the medicine bottle in her hand, into the emerald eye of Marbas. He gave a soft smile in response.

“Of course, I’m sure. I’ve tested it myself, dear. If you don’t believe me, ask Morax, he will vouch for the temporary lack of vital signs caused by this draught.”

The human nodded. She gently gripped the bottle, as she savoured the cold sensation of the glass against her palms. She seemed intrigued.

“So, this will stop my heartbeat and breathing, but I’ll still be alive? How does that work?” Is it magic?”

Marbas tilted his head, as he pondered the human’s question.

“No, no. It’s strictly herbalism. With Buer’s guidance, I carefully selected the plants that, when combined, offer the closest thing to death that you can experience. Although, you’ll still be able to perceive the world around you, akin to a coma.”

He stopped himself, as he realised that was no way to summarise how the potion worked. There were centuries of herbal knowledge involved in its making, and Ra-On likely had only a basic understanding. He let out a soft sigh,

“Ah, to answer your question on how it works, that requires a lengthy explanation. I would explain it, but I can see that you already want to head off and put that potion to use. Maybe some other day, when we have the time, if you’d like.”

His eye shone with curiosity, “Now, I have a question for you. What do you intend to use that potion for?”

The human glanced up at him, a small grimace formed on her lips.

“I… It’s personal. I have some doubts that I need to confirm, I hope you understand.”

Marbas nodded in understanding, smiling slightly, “Of course. I won’t ask you to divulge if you don’t feel comfortable. All I ask is that you’re careful, okay?”

Ra-On giggled at the devil’s wry smile before she quickly leaned in to kiss him on the cheek.

“Thank you for doing this for me, I’ll see you later!”

The bandaged devil tried to fend off the heat that crept up his cheeks, as he waved to Ra-On.

“Remember, dear, take only half a bottle. If anything happens, please call me right away.”

The Descendant of Solomon nodded, and skipped through the door that would transport her back to Gehenna.

———————————-

Gehenna

Ra-On sat on her bed, medicine bottle in hand. She uncapped it, before staring down the neck of the bottle. It had a pleasant floral scent and resembled a watery cough syrup.

“Okay, half a bottle. Sounds easy enough.”

Ra-On gulped down half, before she capped the bottle. She anticipated an immediate effect to occur, though nothing seemed to occur.

“Huh? Nothing is happening. What gives?”

She shrugged, as she uncapped the bottle and drank the other half, before she set it down in a drawer within the wooden nightstand that sat to the left of her bed. Her eyes and limbs gradually grew heavy. She let out a quiet yawn, stretching her arms above her head.

“Well, I guess this is it. No going back now.”

She reclined against the pillows and pulled the blanket up to her chin. Her eyes closed fully, and her breathing settled to a halt.

Unbeknownst to her, the devil she wanted to see was just outside her door, with a loaded tea tray in his arms.

Knock Knock

“Solomon? It’s morning, so I brought you some tea.”

When the human didn’t answer, Sitri assumed that she was asleep. He balanced the tea tray on one arm, while opening the door with his other hand.

At a quick glance, Ra-On was peacefully asleep. Sitri let out a soft chuckle at the sight.

“Solomon, you shouldn’t sleep in like this. Besides, I’ve acquired a new tea blend that I think you’ll like.”

He placed the tray upon the window ledge, before turning his attention to the dormant human.

Unease filled him. His gut was telling him that something was out of place. But what could be wrong on a day like this?

The sun was shining.

There were no angel attacks.

The sound of a heartbeat was the only noise that punctuated the silence.

“Wait…That doesn’t sound like Solomon’s heartbeat.”

Just to confirm, Sitri pressed his fingers to his neck. He could feel his pulse bounding in time with the heartbeat resounding in his ears.

He looked over at the human who had yet to stir from their slumber as anxiety filled his senses.

“Solomon?”

He approached the bedside, gently shaking her shoulder. Surely her heartbeat was muffled by her thick sweater and the plush bedsheets.

‘That’s it,” Sitri thought, trying to bargain with himself, ‘I can’t hear her heartbeat because of obstacles in the way.’

“Forgive me for this.”

He pulled back the sheets and settled his ear to her chest.

He waited, silently begging for her heart to beat, even if it was slowly, then she wasn’t gone at least. Silence was all he heard within her chest.

He recoiled in horror, standing up quickly. His eyes were wide, as he glanced at the unmoving human, devoid of any vital signs.