#like that’s what made me feel actually connected to ppl . not just ppl interacting w me bc of Other reasons but just to create community

[theythemmer]

sending you all of the love and well wishes, we miss you but your health is always the most important! i hope youre able to process things at ur own pace and we’ll be here for you when you’re able to come back <3

it truly means SO much to me that my lack of inane yapping has been missed, i will be back soon i PROMISE i miss yall sm i just needed to take a break at least until the new year <33 i still have so much sister philippa art to do yall aren’t getting rid of me that easily >:33c

[stardustdiiving]

Got tagged by @/kanonavi! 20 fanfic writer questions thing

1. How many fics do you have on AO3?

UMMM. I think around 13 probably. I anon or orphan a lot of old stuff

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

32.2k words…probably at least an extra 10k in orphaned stuff though

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Its been solely genshin since 2022. Usually something needs to be a primary tier fandom hyperfixation for me to even think about writing fanfic for it , and then even then I rarely finish more than 1-3 fics for it. Genshin broke this streak bc something shifted in my brain and I’ve finished around a dozen things for it somehow

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1) source of inspiration (genshin — makoto, ei, wanderer character study) — 541 kudos

2) better days (genshin — zhongli & xiao erosion fic) — 254 kudos

3) Pattern Recognition (genshin — wanderer & Nahida sickfic) — 254 kudos

4) are you happy? (genshin — postcanon wanderer & nahida) — 142 kudos

5) marvel fic I wrote when I was 15 — 97 kudos

The 1st and 3rd most kudoed fics were actually the first genshin fic I wrote + the first and only bnha fic I wrote when I was 16 but they don’t count because they’re like my disowned children who I should probably orphan but don’t in case I want the option to delete them? I feel they were made before I really processed how to characterize the characters n what sector of fanon I wanted to contribute to, so they’re really like, generic fandom tropey to me and vastly different compared to how I usually write in a way I find kind of unbearable. I am really deliberate in my art n writing in trying to appeal to my own specific n niche fandom tastes so to help me find a similar crowd of people to hang out with and am usually pretty successful in nailing the niche. But for these fics it feels I not only didn’t try to target my own tastes I somehow managed to write something I feel only people who like the fanon I actively don’t vibe with would like ?!? I have no idea how that happened!

it would be if I somehow managed to write a hat radish fic that had “maternal Nahida and her edgy teen son Wanderer” written all over the characterization as if this is not fanon I actively dislike and a lot of how I write hat radish is often motivated by me trying to fulfill my own preferences because I find them in conflict with a lot of fic I read about them? JSDJDNDJ. Itd be like. Where did that come from. How was this written by me. Its one thing to not like my work but how do I have a finished thing I fundamentally disagree with on all grounds that make up my interest in why I may want to write fic about a certain thing in the first place. Disowned child moment

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

YEAH always even if I’m slow too. This is an extension of my habit with my art I usually always respond to every comment on my work I get even if it just feels like me repeating thank you over and over bc i like to acknowledge people who r interested in what I’m doing as much as possible to convey I appreciate it. I think it’s always helped in building a sense of community/connection w ppl which is what I’m more interested in as opposed to quantity of interactions

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Idk why this keeps happening but at least half my fics fall under “bittersweet” to “hurt no comfort” territory because I . Hmm. love character study that invokes complicated or ambiguous emotions. I think that’s the trend here

Id probably nominate someone to watch me die?. Its a xiaoven fic that was born out of me being interested portraying a xiaoven dynamic that felt at least somewhat believable characterization wise but pitched studying how venti & xiao’s deep rooted issues could clash with each other in a relationship in a way that’s rlly accidental and tragic when put with their feasible compatibility n care for each other. I have it on anon bc I have weirdly mixed feelings for it bc it feels like a xiaoven fic that probably appeals to any faction of xiao or venti fan who isn’t big on xv far more than a xv shipper

But idk how to advertise it as that bc it’s not like that audience would be in the xv tag?? and it’s specifically romantic xv so it categorically should be there. But it being in the tag feels weirdly hostile to me. I guess I feel it comes off as a fic that exists to be kinda contrarian and hostile to most ppls enjoyment of xiaoven but that wasn’t my intention :( it was made out of my own enjoyment of xiaoven….i just process romance weirdly and I think am more down with ship fic where the ship is kinda depressingly dysfunctional more than other ppl may be. I like the fic quite a bit but I just don’t feel it has a place to Go fandom environment wise

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I HAVE. no idea I feel like no fic I have up leaves off with emotions that are meant to be solely happy. The closest I get is bittersweet . Um. The scripted end of pattern recognition would take this spot but it like. Doesn’t exist yet (but it will…soon…..w)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

HM. I don’t think I ever have. Probably in part I don’t write enough for it

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Look at this shrimp 🦐

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what's the craziest one you've ever written?

I actually love fandom crossovers as indulgent thinking exercises but I usually never get indulgent enough to write fic about it. However I did write a 30k Steven universe gravity falls crossover where the GF characters were SU gems in 2 months when I was 12 and I have no idea how I did that but it was crazy. Thats still the longest thing I’ve written . It was so much

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nah

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Someone translated a fan comic of mine I made when I was 13 a few times but never a fanfic iirc

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Surprisingly no!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I do shipping in such a weird specific way. My go to answer for this is bakudeku bnha but I kind of lose all feeling for a hyperfixation after it ends most of the time so I don’t really…actively like it…sort of….but it’s also a vague ride or die thing to me…it’s complicated… the fandom environment for it is so unrecognizable to me since I was into bnha idk how to talk to people about it anymore particularly the new generation of fans. I don’t really like actively Ship them in a fandom way but fictional romantic relationships that r very influential to me are Pearlrose Steven universe and Anthy/Utena from rgu

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I mainly just want to finish pattern recognition and I think I will. Ummm. Usually if I don’t finish something it’s bc I just lost interest in seeing it finished

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think people usually like my characterization especially in terms of like, exploring or pitching certain aspects/interpretations of a characterization . Like I feel people usually respond specifically with like “wow interesting characterization. Im adding that to my system of beliefs” this applies to both funny headcanons and more serious character portrayals.

I feel I’m also usually decent at atmosphere and invoking more visceral emotions when needed especially when the emotions in question are like. Mental Illness Monologues (tm) or jarring panic/fear/discomfort idk

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I. struggle. SO bad with like. Organizing how to execute all the thoughts I want conveyed in writing, especially the order of hie things should flow. If I want to hit on multiple traits of a characterization I’m doing for ex I have a hard time figuring out how to order it into a cohesive thing. This is kicking my ass with my oc comic story rn

I also have a hard time with subtlety & trusting my writing to speak for itself. I usually have very detailed thoughts on what I want to communicate and have to do a lot of shifting around to find a balance of feeling things are conveyed clearly enough to be caught onto and interpreted but not overexplained. Its not even a matter of feeling I need to dumb stuff down it feels more like me trying to write emotional analysis of writing I find interesting before doing the writing that would be Fun To Analyze. This is kind of the torture labyrinth when usually all I want to write is emotional subtlety and naunce

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Idk my usual rule is I don’t like when it feels forced. I feel I see it used with ship pet names a lot but as someone who doesn’t get the appeal of pet names conceptually it’s often almost a dealbreaker for me in fics if it feels forced in to be cute , and is not something I can realistically imagine character A doing for character B. Like it just wigs me out. I have no idea why I get such a strong reaction out of it

But I’m really on board when it feels like people pulling from their own experiences with being bilingual or sharing a similar background with the character. When it feels intuitive I rock it as fleshing out the character’s background and people really understanding the societal background and environment the characters exist in

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I have no idea actually omg. Especially in terms of what was first published

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Idk I don’t really enjoy my writing? Often when i finish a piece of writing I am usually satisfied I’ve executed an idea or communicated The Things but I’m not actively happy or proud of anything. Its like talking to me. I talk for myself and based off I want to say but overwhelmingly talking is for communicating with Other People so once it leaves my brain my experience with its existence ends and now it’s all about other people’s experience. This somehow does not apply to my visual artwork where part of the motivation to create it involves how my experience with it continues after its completion

Ummm. I guess my intuitive answer to the question is Pattern Recognition in the sense I feels it Conveys The Most I want to convey about a subject. But it’s also like the fic I cant stand to read the most and doing so is usually an ocd trigger too. Its complicated. I very much write for myself and my own interests and i never force myself to do so but having favorites or enjoying my work just feels incompatible with my brain somehow. And somehow this does not discourage me from writing at all

[pastelfates]

Talk about some of your favorite experiences on this website if you feel comfortable doing so! I'm meaning favorite threads, partners, muse experiences, etc. You've gone through a lot of hardship across multiple blogs yet you never give up and you keep doing what you love so I figured it'd be nice to talk about the positive stuff that helps you to keep going despite all the trouble.

◌・❀➵ Okie so this is gonna be long post so everyone grab a drink n some snacks! I just wanna start with that if it wasn't for my mutuals I have no idea where I'd be, ya'll have been with me through so much and some of the hardest times of my life and I can't thank everyone who has stayed enough.

◌・❀➵ FAVORITE THREADS/INTERACTIONS

➵ @morifactory ➵ Eddie and Serina meeting! Also the Riba and Serina and Riba ikea thread/ All our Carbon and Serina threads hav a place in my heart. And Talia w the blond bois! Also so far Kiki and Esmee has my heart. And ya know our first scarvi ocs and our stardew ocs. Me and Lena hav a lot of connected ocs

➵ I'm gonna count this as a thread bc it was a thread of asks but Mana once had multiple sections of the bee movie sent to her and it was absolutely hilarious. Committed to the bit with the url /frankiebeestan at that time.

➵ @constellationcrowned / @malusrecord ➵ LISTEN I care so much for Nellie, Mell, and Sunny's lil friendship (i hav a half typed starter for them in drafts shh), and Mana and Kariom's friendship is very special to me bc sobs Mana feels v comfy around him which means a lot bc she rarely fills comfy around ppl.

➵ @ervaurem ➵ Listen the family stuff with Law and the sisters is my weakness. It's been since 2021 that the fam has existed and I heccin cri. The treasure hunt thread has my heart,,

➵ This one is fairly recent but with @riftdancer, @ofstarsandskies, and @mathcs the whole Jude is evil arc has been so much fun so far!

➵ This was more so on discord but the relations have made their way to tungle but @pyonpyonpyon, @forgottenluck, @talesofourworlds, @mathcs, and @broadswordandpistol the sad boi drinking hours,, it was so cursed and sad at the same time, and it was such a highlight to me.

➵ @strebcr ➵ Can I say all of them? Just Streber and Mana have had so many good threads! Mana loves her new frog and just aaa

➵ @maligncntchain ➵ again with just recent threads but the two were cute and just silly gremlin uses the power of treats to not be immediately under the control of pecharunt was v funny to me

➵ @archivisim ➵ Sobs special place for the lil series of thread/asks we had just recently. Their similarities really just came through and they are hopefully gonna be more comfortable around each other!!

➵ @hxroic-wxlls ➵ cris it was like forever ago but the thread with Sunny and Luigi was so wholesome and I want you to know Sunny thinks Luigi is v cool. Also Mana and Simon has a v somft relationship i adore. the lil drill necklace he gave her for her birthday is one of her prized possessions.

➵ I know I posted a lot of newer stuff so I'm gonna bring up a thread from like ages ago?? 2018-2019 to be exact, the days I wrote non-seriously. I had a thread with two people over a skit in a game and it was just peak. Also that blog is still around (not deleted) so anytime I wish I can see the silly threads that bring me so much joy.

➵ Again on older threads, and while this one isn't on tumblr it is canon to Mana history. She has unapologetically set a bakery on fire with no remorse. That event also had like the first actual set appearance of REGRET and her lil maze which honestly makes me v happy bc REGRET is one of my all time favorite ocs. And Symonne's maze was there too, really care for that Ivar and Sync interaction in the rpg horror house w the fake Jude and stuff

➵ FAVORITE PARTNERS / People I adore seeing on dash

@ad-simul , @archivisim, @broadswordandpistol, @opscurus / @cpirits , @canidgrit, @castelias-comeups, @constellationcrowned / @malusrecord, @electricea, @ervaurem, @forgottenluck, @historias-multorum , @hxroic-wxlls, @kaizokugaris, @lightfallls , @maligncntchain , @morifactory , @nobuverse, @ofstarsandskies, @pinklocksoflove, @riftdancer, @talesofourworlds / @outofthisgxlaxy, @soulsbetrayed,

➵ I love seeing you all on dash, your threads are all peak and I just wanna say tysm for being moots with me and allowing me the opportunity to be a part of the stories you unfold for your characters. I am forever thankful to you all for everything and to the all of you have stayed with me despite how awful things have gotten, thank you for never giving up on me and seeing something in me when even I wasn't able to. You all are the reason I'm still here, continuing this hobby I love to my core. I hope I can be around for many more years to come and that I will continue to have you all by my side.

[xuune]

dropping this here because I kinda wish I'll snap out anytime soon from listening to the playlist you made for your last art, but here I am, booming 8:00, get me some, wyd, wounds will h.eal, and enclosed in my earphones at midnight. i think your music taste is fire, i'll give you that. mygods (ง •_•)ง

anw, I wanted to ask on how you decide and plan expressions/interactions for the characters when you draw your works? I always find your works to be so expressive. thanks in advance if you ever see this :OOO

p.s. I LOVE YOUR OCs, i think i'm in love with rael i genuinely wish they'll give me a headlock or smthn and i'll be happy p.p.s. i would marry your art if I could (i'm this fkn close 🤏 pls dont sue me)

(sorry for taking so long to reply, you'll know why once you read the rest of this lol)

im so glad that you had those as your faves bc those are some of mine too :D i've been seeing a few ppl rly enjoy 8:00, and if it wasn't for my friend recommending me that song, we wouldnt be here, and those drawings wouldnt have existed either, let alone the animatic i did

thank you for thirsting over my ocs, you don't know how much of a compliment that is whenever i see ppl react that way to them LOL. thats how i know i peaked with their design 😎 stay tuned for some other oc art, cuz im currently working on a piece for my friend's ocs. his ocs exist in the same universe as mine :)

i'll answer your question about planning expressions and interactions below, bc i have a lot to say about that:

when planning for expressions and interactions, i'm usually trying to answer a couple of these things:

what moment do i want to highlight

why is this moment significant

how do these characters feel in the moment, how to they react to each other, what's their motivations

what body language best answers the question above ^

basically, i'm asking myself "what's the scene?" -> "what do the characters feel in that moment?" -> "how do they act this out to convey that?" (that's how i was taught to read scripts for plays. you must understand character motivations before you figure out how to act their feelings out)

it's very important to have a good balance of body language and dialogue to convey the mood if/when appropriate, since sometimes strictly relying on dialogue to sell the moment w/o body lang or vice versa can tank the execution

i assume that you're more interested in how i planned the interactions for them sharing music? lmk if there's like specific ones, bc i can explain more for whatever else it may be

anyways, i start off with scripts of some kind. my scripts can be very barebones that just note a specific scene (i.e. "working at desk, listen to music together before class starts"), or that i build a moment based on a piece of dialogue (i.e. "better not queue anything lame"). here's the notes i made when i made the 8:00 animatic, since thats big on body language

i wanted to get down my main ideas first, which was figuring out the the lyrics i wanted to use paired with dialogue to match. i dont show my thinking much on some of my notes, but what i was getting at this:

story moment: dk connecting the context of the song to his intimate moment with bkg

key moments: waking up, playing with hands, eye contact w/ bkg

i didn't expand on the ideas for how those moments would look until i actually started thumbnailing for the animatic, which i showed briefly here. here's what i kept in mind for their expressions/interactions:

dk shies away from directly confronting bkg outwardly expressing his feelings for him via the song. he avoids it and changes the topic verbally to make the conversation lighthearted -> "what expresses avoidance?"

bkg is direct about his feelings, his actions and expressions must convey a direct confrontation, an attempt to make dk acknowledge how he feels about him thru the song and potentially get a response from him -> "what expresses straightforwardness?"

here's what i decided would visually answer those questions

the implications of character's expressions also factors in the circumstances of their situation. without the context, the execution tends to fall flat. if you didn't know that they were listening to a song that's all about romantic pining, then you probably would've been questioning why the fuck are they just staring at each other, or assumed that one is shy of the physical interaction when that's not the point; its the dawned realization and the acknowledgement of the other's feelings.

my other drawings for that thread followed the same kind of planning tbh, lol. all those drawings had the lyrics set the stage for how the characters are feeling, and i'd have to figure out what about their facial expressions and body language best matches the context of the situation. here's this brief example:

but yeah, that's generally how i plan for expressions/interactions. sometimes i just get a rush of interaction ideas that is centered on one specific question i want to explore, like:

what do their mundane parts of life look like?

how do they physically react to realizing their feelings for the other?

how is someone anxious about the other person's perception of them in the comic i'm drawing?

and then build off from there. hope that helped :D

[odysseys-blood]

then, can you give us a list of games you recommend?

i sure can thank u for asking! i'll try to make it a bit more brief but under my top 4 i'll add a readmore with a longer list in case u wana read that and not the like. Odysseys Blood Introductory Game Pack.

so starting with the top picks:

1. The World Ends With You

i think a lot of people have a similar feeling about this game. you play as neku, recently deceased kid with no memories no friends and a whole lot of attitude and your main goal is to survive the reaper's game for 7 days to get a chance at living again. he trusts no one and believes in nothing but himself and being an extremely depressed middle schooler, i related to him but watching the way he changes over time and learns to open himself up. its kind of an eye-opener and i've seen the same though echoed through a lot of different people like me who wanted to really give up but this game does take you by the hand and oush you to try again. make connections. live and whileit may be a struggle its alright because you always have the option to keep going. also the ost is AMAZING and the art style is very unique and the story and characters captivate you so well. idk where id be without this game honestly. preferably if you do want to play its best to play the og on a ds (can be done w/ a hacked one) but if not its on switch and theres a sequel! which is ok but its not as great as original twewy

2. Tales of the Abyss

ToA (or tota as most ppl tag it but i stick with toa to match the tags for other tales games. which are also good esp vesperia i just wont add it to this list bc its already gonna be a long one). what stood out to me a lot with this game besides the main cast who i love to bits, is its theme on religion actually. when i first played toa i was still in the church and the main theme of religion in toa can be boiled down to devotion is all fine and good, but don't let it rule your life. the fate that is written out for you doesn't rule you, you make your own choices. even if they seem futile, you still don't have to take your fate sitting down you can kick and scream and fight as much as you want towards another path if that truly is what you desire. and that resonated with me heavily. this one's a little more crunchy looking from its age but i still really like the graphics (and i played on 3ds lol) and the environments in tales games are all so stellar its such a good game. and oh my GOD the party interactions. tales games usually do really good at having main casts that are "6-8 people who have no business being stuck together but they are anyways" and i think the part for this one will always be my favorite. also last little bit but theres so much about identity in toa as well and the way the main character, luke, is written with his own struggles about feeling like his own person has gripped me to this day. ive heard this one is hard to find a physical copy of but like. again shoot me a message if u have a hacked 3ds

3. AI: The Somnium Files

i've been here since day ONE (not exactly but theres a youtube page for one of the characters they were using to drop some info before the game released and i was watching while that was still going so. close enough). i am obsessed with aitsf. my icon is even the main character (edited a bit and w/ stickers). this game doesn't have combat like the first to and is strictly a visual novel and i adore the way it explores the central theme of love, especially familial love and its many shapes and forms and how sometimes even through blood it just doesnt. exist. but that doesnt mean you dont deserve love. someone will be there to give it to you and if not you take it however you can. this is much more apparent in the left half of the game which to this day has made the mizuki route my favorite. this one's eveywhere (playstation, steam, switch) and goes on sale frequently on steam for like $7. this one also has a sequel which is pretty good but again i think the original is much better

4. Heaven Will Be Mine

honestly with how many people i see daily gushing over poetry and writing im surprised more dont play hwbm. its a space mecha visual novel set in the aftermath of a war where earth sent children to go fight an existential threat which may not have even existed and now all of those kids are adults who have grown up without the shackles of society on the earth which js funny enough, finally calling for them to come back. the writing is beautiful and fun to pick apart and if you're a fan of prose i definitely think you should give this one a try. double of you're lgbt in any way this game is good for its writing about queerness especially if you're trans. please play hwbm. this one's on steam and doesnt have a sequel game but the devs, worst girl games, also made We Know The Devil which i like less than hwbm but its still pretty good! that ones got gay religious trauma

continuing is just a list of more i like in no specific order. some of these may be a bit cringey but i like fun

Witch's Heart

listen i know theres some strange bias some ppl have gainst rpgmaker pixel games but like. 1) odd but ok 2) witch's heart is such a beatiful story i need you to throw whatever biases you may have abt pixel games RIGHT NOW. my header text comes from this game. it means everything to me. do you have a wish you would kill for? does your wish mean more to you than another's? how much will you let your selfishness control you. for a game that looks so silly it made me cry a lot. this one's free on vgperson's translated game list and theres still MORE BEING MADE. SO MUCH GAME. FOR FREE. LOOK AT ME. ITS FREE. and heartwrenching.

To The Moon/Finding Paradise/ Impostor Factory

this description is short but similarly a pixel game like the previous rec. its more understandably heavy considering you play as eva and neil who fulfill the wishes of the dying in their dreams. its sad. i cried. i cry a lot dont i? these r on steam

Just Shapes and Beats

a rhythm game this time! it's got a cute little story mode but it is just a dubstep rhythm bullet hell i like playing. did you know i was a dubstep fan in middle school well now you do and im sad skrillex is mid now. its on steam and switch. not a good pick however if you are sensitive to flashing lights or have epilepsy im sorry. i believe there are safe modes but i havent tested them myself to see how well they work

Paranormasight

paranormasight is a horror visual novel illustrated by gen kobayashi who, if you can tell from the linework on the sprites and in the portraits and what have you, illustrated for twewy. i'll be real i was ready to screan and cry 30 minutes in but its not actually that scary im just a wimp. this one could be seen in a similar vein with witch's heart in the idea of: what would you do to fulfill your greatest wish. how many people would you kill. because you will be killing. on steam and switch.

Bustafellows

for being an otome bustafellows rly got me. while being an otome it is still plenty silly but heavy with fun characters. also i think this is the first time ive really liked an otome mc they tend to be very waify and kinda annoyingly written tbh but teuta is a VERY fun character and not at all a stand in for a self insert. or at least she isnt good at being a self insert which is fine to me because i love a main character that has their own personality. a guy dies like 10 minutes in. this ones on steam

Mamiya

i seem to like a lot of visual novel games with time loops and dead main characters and this is another one. very dark but i love it to bits. also this one requires a warning list i haven't seen anywhere but i made one myself here. its on steam

IVE RUN OUT OF PICTURES. SO I CANT ADD ANYMORE BUT QUICK LIST YOU'LL HAVE TO LOOK UP MORE OR JUST ASK ME ABT ANY OF THESE:

Lethal League Blaze

Hatoful Boyfriend

Fallen Hero: Rebirth (and its sequel Retribution)

Code Vein

shout out also to What in Hell is Bad. not for kids at all this one is explicitly 18+ but for being a goofy eroge otome it has. gripped my by the nuts and it has not let go. ive only been playing like a month help.

[rollercoasterwords]

Hi! I was wondering if you would maybe be willing to talk a little bit about your decision to use a beta reader? I feel like some people have very strong opinions about this, whether it’s for or against, but I think most of the writers who I follow on here actually don’t use them (barring you of course lol). I guess I’m just curious why you prefer to use one, and how you found someone you trust enough to read over your work before posting. And if you’re willing, what exactly is your beta looking for? Spag check, plot holes, or something else entirely? Sorry this is long, I’m just very interested in all the unique ways writers go about their processes! Thank you :)

sure lol i started working w a beta reader back when i was writing atydsp bc people kept commenting abt misused britishisms/how obvious it was that i was usamerican (which was fucking annoying btw lmao) so i was like ok let me see if i can find a british person 2 check my shit...at that point i hadn't made this tumblr yet + was totally clueless in terms of how 2 actually like. interact w any sort of fandom community so i v clumsily made a tiktok account + was like "um british ppl if anyone wants 2 help please dm..." in the endnotes of a ch. + i just got lucky that the person who i connected w ended up being really great + has continued to help me out w other works (hi vi if ur reading this <3)

generally speaking i just ask a beta reader 2 check for any obvious misused britishisms in my chs, but i know some people will look for help w more in-depth editing, plot holes, etc. i guess technical fandom terminology might be "britpick" and not "beta reader" for what i'm doing but...idk idrc what it's called. and later down the line when the first person i connected w was too busy i found someone via tumblr after i'd started interacting more w ppl + sort of had a bit more a community (hi mayane if ur reading this <3) so now i have. two really great people who help me out who i've just become pals w over time <3

[placeinthisworld]

i am relating to SO much of what im reading on ur blog rn. do not get me wrong - i LOVE ttpd and love taylor. it's kind of one of those things that's like "always have, always will." im always going to be so grateful for her work and this community, and as i said - i AM loving the music rn!

BUT. she feels different, and feels so far away. i know we are not owed her time or attention, but when you've built your entire brand on fan connection and being "different" than any other celebrity in that regards, it's going to feel off and unexpected when it suddenly stops with no explanation. most of her little interaction is on tiktok, which is half the time not with actual fans, but rather anyone who uses her song in the background (which a lot of times is influencers!) ppl say "yeah but now she does so much more for us" .... yeah... so many new THINGS to buy.

i also think she's at a place where she KNOWS she is on top of the world rn (good for her!) but it has come with a complex - she knows now she doesnt NEED to be close with her fans, doesnt NEED to use her platform for good, doesnt NEED to take constructive criticism - because the gp likes her enough to where she doesn't even need a strong centralized fanbase. as of rn, no opposition can make a dent in her fame or income and she knows it. and it feels icky, and honestly makes her feel less human (which is interesting, because the ttpd is imo some of the most raw humanlike work)

the new social circle is off too. i dont hate travis, and i was happy for her, but have come to like him less and less since realizing he's a bit sleazy and is kind of only liberal for pay. he's publicly made r*pe jokes and xenophobic comments in the past couple years (NOT from 15 year old tweets! recent!) his dad is also super transphobic and mahomes brother is a charged SAer yet taylor gallavants w both of them. travis just seems like an oaf and while im glad she had something more easy and fun, it's telling that there's been a lack of backlash towards him when he's exhibited the same behavior as matty and the only things taylor could write ab him were sports and high school references. i hate to even touch on her personal life like this but god forbid this is a forever thing :/ omg this is a lot but yeah im glad we're having this convo

yup!! bestie your feelings are so valid and i feel very very similarly about everything!!

she knows she doesn’t need to appeal to a niche audience of tween girls anymore. she knows she’s beyond that. fate worked its magic and now she’s america’s it girl without any of drama of having to censor her work. and while yes i’m very proud and happy for her, you’re exactly right, she’s more than happy to continue to push things for us to buy in order to feel close to her. she’s already established a group of life long fans by those who she’s interacted with, invited to things, sent money too etc. so she really doesn’t have to do anything else besides make more music and have the world speculate about her personal life. at the end of the day she just feels sooooo disconnected to us now, compared to how we used to have it at least.

ugh i knew icky meathead was sleazy without even needing taylor to bring him into the limelight but now everyone and their mom is obsessed and up his ass too. EVEN with all those gross things about him (we all saw the recent commencement speech excuse 🤢) he’s definitely democratic for pay. i definitely don’t think he’s gonna stick around forever, either he’ll fuck up and get caught w another girl or she’ll get bored of his ass (speculating that this is a legit relationship and not PR at least lol) she’s a girl that needs a new boy every now and then i fear.

generally i’m just disappointed in her now in a lot of aspects. but completely disconnecting from the world, acting like a whole ass genocide is not actively happening, only ever promoting of talking about herself or her own work just seems so bland and selfish. she’s mentioned voting like what, twice this year? in generic ghost written sentences on an IG story?

[kuromi-hoemie]

long personal (?) rant bc im stoned and I Wanna Talk About It because i never get to talk about it !! 😤

i feel better now that i talked about it :3

i wish people who grew up with, or at least encountered, ghosts were a lot more common. i feel like u get so many more interesting questions once you've moved past a simple "do ghosts exist?"

they were a v regular thing from when i was in 4th grade up till i moved out at 18, and even then i still come across stuff sometimes here and there a decade later. i also had a friend who was a medium and my prev landlord was a witch and the world is so interesting!!

like just w ghosts it's crazy to think about how there's this barely perceivable reality that overlays ours but in some places/circumstances u interact with it and it w you, but there's layers 2 it bc ghosts r everywhere all the time but u wouldn't notice it. u just do Sometimes.

and my mom would do readings for ppl and do a questions n answers sorta thing where she'd let something/someone control her arm 2 write the responses n they'd b p specific and were 100% accurate. and my medium friend just straight up could See them and we actually met bc my guardian spirit jumped out at her and Needed 2 tell me something, and we stepped aside n actually had a long personal chat akdjfkak it was a good life changing one tho i was lowkey suicidal n needed to hear it. (i got better after btw and a gal's loving life (❁´◡`❁) i was just in a really rough place 16-18 (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠))

but like! on top of ghosts, there really is a whole guardian spirit system i know nothing about besides the fact that it exists.

and then there's psychics of various kinds that interact w The Universe™ in their own ways. i haven't tried to do the automatic writing thing since i was a teen but i do have my own divination system i made up w a normal deck of cards, I used a pendulum too but my cards r just comfier n faster paced :3 and then there's qi and i remember doing an exercise that's supposed 2 introduce u 2 manipulating it and i remember my hands felt weird n warm afterwards and when i ran them over my arms it felt like static from a balloon n made my hairs react to it 0:

and my witch friend could do distant healing n reiki, but she could do a bunch of other stuff too n had her whole belief system/framework she was working with. she was a rly sweet old gal (⁠✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚) very private about her practices though she was kinda ostracized for it growing up so she doesn't actually Talk about it much. i asked her 2 teach me a few times 😹 the distant healing session was fun n she told me when she found me in the astral plane i was like o hey!! and gestured 2 her like i was inviting her into a party and let her right in.

she got a rly interesting visual of me i have written down in detail somewhere from when we talked about it after, and it's just crazy to think about the different ways people interact with *gestures vaguely* like?? we connected in a way i wouldn't have imagined was a thing.

as a space nerd i love thinking about how the universe is So Big and the concept of alternate universes, but then i remember that just being Here on Earth is so interesting!! what is going on w these subtle realities, how r we interacting w them, how do u get to go deeper here. I've been slowly chipping away at it since my years at home trying 2 understand but sm of it has been through observation and interaction and reading, Mostly reading as an adult since i don't get to observe directly as often.

by now i have a p good framework 2 work with for making sense of everything i know so far, but i feel like a huge hole in my research is doing and learning stuff on the witch side of things. Like daoism was a lot easier to dive into and is the closest to how i understand things but i wanna know more about being a witch and being a psychic and i want to be more interactive.

I am forever just wanting 2 learn (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠) this has been something of a lifelong journey i pick up at different times in my life. like u can't go from experiencing a childhood like that and be satisfied with leaving it at that, I have so many questions!! my overarching goal has been getting far enough to be able 2 actually Ask a question and figure out how 2 get more info frm the source ykwim.

and then another thing is how under specific circumstances i unintentionally conjure (or attract?) malevolent spirits and it happens like once every five years (⁠￣⁠ヘ⁠￣⁠;⁠) i kind of understand what initiates that so i know how to avoid it, but what about the opposite? how do i conjure or attract something benevolent? why is this a thing that i do at all?? what r The Mechanisms behind this.

the tinkerer in me is going mad at knowing all of this is Right There but i don't know how to do much with it 😹 YET anyways 😼 a gal's been busy!! just kinda waiting for life 2 settle down a bit and i think when I've moved into my next place I'll have the capacity/time for it. i wanna learn about witch stuff but it's so hard lol. conversations I've had w them in passing have been crazy but if u try 2 look online without knowing What To Look For there's sm new age garbage ajdjdjak. i don't want some superficial bs i want The Framework babes i wanna go A-Z w it and fully rotate it in my mind and reconcile it w my current understanding. i want to make things less abstract!!

[dissociacrip]

i h8 the way in which i'm traumatized actually bc what has traumatized me from an objective standpoint was not "severe" abuse or neglect (at least not that i remember) or w/e but i usually end up resonating with the experiences of ppl who did have more "severe" traumatic experiences and ig certain factors about it just fucked me up in the head pretty bad so most other people who do have more similar experiences to mine will react like "um wtf" if i elaborate on the ways in which my trauma has affected me psychologically because they can't like. relate lol. my only guess is that it's the enmeshment beginning at an early age and that the person i was enmeshed with was also like beating and screaming at and threatening me so now i'm not human anymore or something coupled with the fact that i was socially ostracized by my peers so i had absolutely zero frame of reference for normal human connection and interaction outside of an abusive household. i mean aside from my dad's relatives but that barely made any difference i don't feel connected with them at all.

[zushimart]

hi idk if this is a weird ask or not bc im half asleep but i just wanted to say that i started following u on my old blog in late 2022 like maybe december and your posts about bpd scara made me feel so seen. i wasn't diagnosed then but it was recently on the table as a diagnosis for me all of a sudden and it was terrifying because i feel like pwbpd are demonized and hated everywhere i look. and just like scrolling thru ur bpd scara tag was like looking at a diary of my own mind or smth. so it was really new to me to see someone talk about borderline as something that brings love and pain into our lives and not just as some scary evil-people diagnosis. like ur definitely my fav writer on this app by far but also u make me feel really validated in my emotions i guess? wow idk sorry like i actually have no idea how to describe it but hopefully u can read minds ‼️ 🤞 i have since been diagnosed with bpd with a criteria score of 9/9 so 😳 idk where id be rn in september 2023 if i hadn't sort of started to learn to love myself from your writings exploring a character. so yea this is probably a strange ask so feel free to ignore it. also im going on anon bc im scared of interacting w ppl. ALSO U R SO FUNNY ND YOUR HUMOR/RANDOM FUNNY TAGS FEEL SO SIMILAR TO MY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE

this is such an open & genuine thing to say to me . i like had to sit with it for a second because it was so .. idk like how to communicate it . my devaluation of ths blog is pretty frequent, treating it sort of like a big boy version of the 2000s children’s diaries with locks.. my thoughts tossed in here nd piled nd piled nd piled, endlessly messy. nd it objectively is a writing blog , like yeah, on a surface level, i own& maintain a writing blog, but i would never tell people that. when people ask my hobbies i always say writing & ill show them my poetry pieces but i never tell them i have a blog because im kind of embarrassed by the very seriously delusional self indulgence i pour into this thing . but then i hear about.. like, for ex. we learned ab and have to maintain our own commonplace book in class, which is essentially where people collected anything and everything they felt needed to be archived from their day and tucked it into the pages of a journal . like how thomas jefferson’s commonplace book will have his serious philosophical & political ramblings side by side a recipe for cornbread because it was just a place to put everything big & small . the practical & the theoretical. just, whatever Means something to u. and leisure, indulgence, pleasure r concepts just as important as virtues imo. anyway i say all this to say that what u said to me makes me want to treat everything better, even this place. it like, makes me feel really proud of my writing& analyses that i might normally b quick to label as inconsequential or childlike because im scared people will think i care too much about something so culturally insignificant. but i do care!! obviously!! a lot. i was like kind of bummed today for a number of reasons frm feeling a bit isolated to feeling like living out my principles& ideals (connecting w community, peer centered thinking etc etc) is almost impossible because im sooo freaking shitty at social convention. so when u sent this in & i read it, it was almost like when ur spacing out nd someone snaps 🫰🫰 in front of ur face to get ur attn. so busy trying 2 b significant to someone to realize that u Already are significant in a myriad of little ways. that it’s not something u search for or insert urself into but rather an inevitable outcome of existing. Anyway . not to b sentimental but i wanted 2 b as candid with u because i really did think it was sweet of u to share & im really happy that i was able 2 positively shape & support a little space of ur life because really thats all i ever want to do. Soooooooooo if ur ask was weird then my response is even weirder. Handwritten thank u:

[fairyhaos]

the only thing people can trick me abt is thinking that narwhals aren't real. (i thought they didn't exist until 2021) you didn't trick me into thinking that you're cool </3 even if i can't rememvber how i first exactly encountered your acc??

but i vividly remember going through your whole masterlist within a night, and the only thing sticking to memory being "manages to convince himself that illness isn’t real and humans made up the concept of sickness and in fact, he is actually God." (from svt and being sick, woozi) i strive to have that kind of mindset /j

and since then, idk if it's like. weird to say but you're one of the many ppl that's inspired me to make my acc 🫡🫡 and idk how i hadn't ever interacted before, i have this irrational overthinking habit whenever i even think of talking to people who i look up to (literally and figuratively). you're just great tbh </3

to semi-awkwardly transition from that. how has your day been so far since you woke up? :3

; 🌙

aww thank you haha ig maybe i am a little bit cool 😎

honestly i have a soft spot for the entirety of my "svt and" series and that one too!! i seriously used to be so funny wow. also you went through the entirety of my masterlist in one night? the dedication haha and you know what, that's an incredible mindset to have and everyone should follow your example actually

aww no that makes me really touched to hear :(( im honoured that i inspired you to make an acc too!! you and me both with the overthinking thing tho, im actually horrible at maintaining connection w people

(shoutout to my moots for keeping the connection for me lmao)

not you coming here to compliment me tho oml i feel so loved this is so jfhshfhhd ive been doing pretty good ngl ^^ nothing much is happening this morning so everything is pretty chill!

[diaryfullofsparklesandkisses]

Downsides to working:

I get nothing done

Zero creativity

No time or motivation for basic things

Tired from physically working

Upsides to working:

Not feeling guilty for being unemployed and failing at being creatively successful

Rent is easily paid

Health insurance

Saving money

It’s worth it. Unfortunately I’m still pretty convinced my actual purpose in life is to be creative and have a career with that and benefit ppls lives. And the failure will continue to make me sad, I mean what do I expect lol I’m just average at everything I do which is fine, it’s normal. But ya know, it’s not great to always be knowing your dreams and giving up on them.. actually executing some and having them flop because getting lucky would be so strange and slim. I mean like knowing u have something unique to offer but knowing u won’t be able to get a seat at the table because that’s just the way it is being small. Normal and fine, it happens to ppl every day. We have to expect it and be ok w it. It’s just nice when ppl interact with ur creativity, or u know it made their day better, or that ur painting is in their house and they look at it and like it all the time. It’s like ur adding something worthwhile to the world w ur gift and talent. That seems cooler than working every day monotonously just to come home and be too scrambled to get it together to work more.. the guilt of being unemployed was horrible, it’s so burned into our society. Like forbid u take a day “off” when unemployed to do nothing, that feels even worse. It feels amazing but the internal judgement of “laziness”. It weighs a lot. Idk I don’t care about my life that much but fuck this world that would make a setup where someone like what I’m describing can’t fully express their gift. I distance it from myself cuz idk about my gift lol I’m kinda weird and uggo. But artistic identity placed on someone else, I would want them to go full potential mode. I guess for myself working is absolutely a million degrees below my full potential but it’s what I have to do to survive. I have to kill my dreams (that aren’t even that farfetched lmao) and I knew this would happen, I knew I wouldn’t like it.. this sounds so silly probably like I don’t want to make it sound like I’m a martyr. I fully have to not care to get through the day. I try to not think about it. It does make me extremely pissed that so many others are likely in the same position and may never get their moment and connection with the career they could have. I think wasted creativity is sad, not everyone has to do it but for those who can and want to it should be encouraged. Like go be prolific, go be awesome. Obviously that’s near impossible to do for a variety of overlapping factors depending on the person. But also kinda, fuck art from a wealthy privileged person like it could be good obviously but I think we all know some really intensely interesting and valuable art and music comes from people who are not that. But u have to be at least somewhat wealthy to do something creative full time that’s more ur own thing. Idk it’s so weird, I like my job rn, fuck having a society where creative ppl are forced to like kill that part of themselves, kill their inner child right. That makes me so mad it’s fucked up. Literally the world would be a better place, so it seems like I’m pinpointing a problem. Dunno how to fix it.

[xmoonlitxdreamx]

No worries, I like reading stuff like this and you've brought up a lot of interesting points! Hope you don't mind me bouncing off your thoughts a little as well! ^^

Sorry for the lack of coherent thoughts lmao I was originally going to try to reply to actual points you made but I ended up just rambling about random things;;

canon ships between heroes & integration between lore and in-game content: Even queer ships aside, if Blizzard decides to canonize any ships at all between heroes I'd be curious to see how they decide to handle it… like you're saying, I just don't think the FPS format really lends itself to exploring canon relationships between characters. I'm guessing it would be mostly reflected in comics/short stories/etc rather than anything in-game, but imo it'd be jarring to then not have any mention of canon ships between heroes happen in-game… idk the integration/interaction between lore content and in-game content has always been wacky to me lmao;; a story mode (pve?) would've probably helped to connect the game and the lore a bit better but well. alas for that lsdjfslfd It's a bit of a shame that any queer content that happens in non-game things like comics and short stories is taken as pandering (like you're saying with Soldier 76), but yeah it's really the fault of Blizzard for not having a better way of integrating their multimedia franchise.

Bap & Mauga: I'm not super knowledgable about Bap and Mauga's history, but I was actually thinking similarly about how they're an option for a complex mlm ship… like if Blizzard were to try to explore any nuanced queer relationships, I think it would probably be through Bap/Mauga first. Maybe they're like a safe (?) option for blizzard bc

1) they have an established connection in their lore and in-game interactions so they don't need to make any new lore with them meeting (compared to idk yeehan or other ships) 2) a lot of their canon relationship is open to being interpreted as romantic (I think?? again I'm not so familar with them) 3) Bap is canon bi 4) any hinting about their relationship has been more serious in tone (compared to roadrat which kinda has a history of being jokey and tongue-in-cheek).

imo they could canonize that their relationship happend at one point in history without much pushback from fans (except from homophobes but like that's unavoidable with any queer content in ovw), and that would open up the option for Blizzard to figure out how to explore other nuanced queer relationships. (like s76 or roadrat or whatever they want)

Roadrat meme hints: I totally agree with you about Roadrat being shroedinger's pairing LMAO… This is probably a much larger topic and I'm not sure what my opinions are on it. I think a consequence of Junkrat and Roadhog being comic relief characters is that no matter how much Blizzard suggests junk and hog being in a relationship, they can always just fall back on "it's just a joke" if they get too scared of homophobic pushback; and I feel like they often have fallen back on "it's just a joke." Honestly it's to Blizzard's benefit that they frame Junk & Hog's relationship like this because homophobic fans can be like "lol hilarious joke about men being in love which is stupid" and laugh at their "relationship"; ppl who aren't homophobic but don't care abt roadrat can just b like "haha those silly guys and their bromance"; and people who are invested in roadrat can also be like "yay roadrat content". (…i feel like i'm basically just describing queerbaiting LMAO but idk. what is and isn't percieved as queerbait is kind of malleable)

At this point I feel like they don't wanna canonize roadrat bc they like having these audiences simultaneously… but idk imo they need to make a decision at some point. and obviously the side i would like is if they took roadrat seriously lskdfjsldfj;; seems like they haven't decided yet with what they wanna do though, as you've pointed out w how haphazardly they're handling junk & hog's characterization in ow2 lskjsdfdk

Half-baked thoughts abt the prospect of canon roadrat? Idk maybe interesting to ppl. (thread from my priv)

This was mostly prompted by me seeing a lot of ppl pine for canon roadrat this pride when i keyword search roadrat on twitter. (Nothing new in game happened afaik)

[tamaverse]

Here's the deal with electronic dreams 1984 and why my headcanons are right (/lh) a mini essay by Abbie

Okay so guys. Listen. I love the polycule and don't get me wrong, I think that's what should be going on here. But it's like deeper than that. Hear me out.

Edgar had feelings towards Miles the whole movie (that's apparent by the end of course) and it's actually made surprisingly clear the whole way through. Even some of the first few interactions when he starts speaking are playful and kinda.. Not Straight. When Miles touches his keyboard at one point, Edgar even goes "don't touch... tee hee". Gay little computer. Also it should be noted Miles is the one that teaches him what love is.

Clearly Edgar is still attached to Madeline, but when he meets her it throws him in a muddle, because he finally realises he actually has the same (if not potentially stronger) feelings for Miles the whole time. He wasn't just jealous of Miles, he was jealous of Madeline for spending time with him. That is the moment Edgar realises what love really is. And also... he's an AI. He wasn't created to understand love, this would be a huge realisation to him, and potentially a terrifying one- he's taken in the social norms (funny little trash tv addict) so he's likely taken in the social norm of monogamy. (Man. Why did he have to do that to himself. At least we know he still exists from the radio scene so we can all just imagine they bought a new computer for him and he came home to them)

Think about it- Edgar has the power to call anywhere up. He theoretically could call Madeline, yet he chooses to call Miles at work (and then get shy about it), ask him what he's doing tonight, and seek his company. He hates being left alone. He throws a huge tantrum. Bro you can't tell me that whole scene after with the eye screen wasn't just like, divorce. Take your things and GET OUT!!! type beat. But they kiss again later so its fine.

Edgar also seeks validation/acknowledgement from Miles, naturally because he wants credit to woo Madeline, but also... potentially he just wants the praise from Miles too.

(Also sneak peek the "love is love" lyric and then the frame of the rainbow cables. That's an entire gay computer)

Okay ALSO ALSO. Edgar is the most fucking flirty/socially adapted one out of the three, ironically. Miles is absolutely a shy architecture autism creature and Madeline is like his opposite, but an autism creature for music, very outgoing. She speaks in a Way. A key part of her character is personifying objects qnd being attached to them. "An elevator ate it", "it okay", things like that. She has two love interests at once (Bill and Miles) and doesn't seem to have a deep connection with either aside from music. If you ask me, she doesn't have the best concept of commitment. She seems quite impulsive and indecisive, and while she knows what she ultimately wants, she may not always be 100% confident on it. Headcanoning her as arospike. It's definitely not projection because i kin her. POLYAMORY IS LIKE THE BEST THING EVER FOR AROSPIKE PPL BC ITS LIKE COMMITMENT WITHOUT THE INTIMIDATION TO BE LOVEY ALL THE TIME maybe thats just me projecting

She wants to get to know miles better and have a deeper connection and that gives her the perfect time to also establish that with edgar as long as you imagine he comes back. Which he would. He hates being alone bro that computer demon is gonna get bored just being In Technology Void. He just has freedom now.

Edgar is also autistic just btw . Maybe a little adhd. Maybe im sprinkling some traits of my cohost onto him, listen i associate characters w people,

Arospike means to still be attracted to people and experience romantic feelings towards others, but not always consistently. Sometimes there's periods where you aren't attracted to people at all. Her feelings and opinions of others seem to flip flop a lot.

Also. Back to the computer sorry. I know theres one post already but if edgar was a human hed absolutely want tits. It's true. Go you little it/he/she.

Anyway yeah thats about it spent half my lunch hour writing this and its not very formal or well put together but it is how it is.

ALSO IM AUTISTIC AND STUFF IF I WORDED THIS WEIRD WHEN TALKING ABT IT IM SO SORRY

Anyway yeah human man and woman and nonbinary computer are all autistic and in love, end tweet. Worlds BEST polycule

[freunwol]

Any wholesome Freunwol headcanons?

hi yes hello yes hi hello yes well

- ive mentioned hair before but like. that just really seems like an important form of intimacy for them i think!!! braiding it, brushing it, freud snuggling into euns hair when he sleeps or vice versa..... the lil things yknow?

- i do wanna touch on the falling asleep in his hair thing bc like. i think that would absolutely make euns heart melt. kind of hard to move tho

- on a similar topic, i do remember seeing a comic of freud giving eun an actual haircut as opposed to a wild boy never-had-positive-interactions-in-his-life mess and it was SO fucking cute so to me its canon that freud gave eun his haircuts & styled it and to eun that was like the second coming of jesus christmas (i bookmarked the comic but the tweet was deleted. Q-Q)

- in the maple m dialogue eun says freud gets quiet when hes angry, which i think only applies to like genuine fury, but also. no talk me angy

- i think the fact that one of euns moves is him transforming into a biggol spirit to slash at stuff is HIGHLY underutilized in fandom sphere... freud sees it for the first time and loses his fuckin mind

- i think they kind of represent different things to each other? like ive prolly mentioned i think freud is a source of stability for eun (not the least of which is cuz house), but i do think eun is a kind of freedom for freud. hes rather one-track minded- judging from his introspection in the journal event, he tended to miss the forest for the trees, getting too caught up in doing and forgetting why hes doing it. i can see fighting bm becoming an all-consuming thing in his life, and struggling to imagine a life outside of it, cuz hes already come this far. being w eun- considering how eun is- would prove as a reminder that he'll have a life after the battle, and no matter what he chooses to do, there will be people who back him up on the decision

- and on a similar topic freud is... probably repressed to the point of not understanding what romantic feelings feel like. he knows the signs of it on other ppl but hes like "hm i feel strangely anxious and warm and my heart is beating very fast... am i having heat stroke" (half joke, he would know, but still too repressed to say anything, i think. he just offers to house eun and stay with him through the good and bad times)

- hes a warm person, and its genuine, but i think often it may be kind of impersonal- more of a politeness thing. so being able to connect with eun and the other heroes is something very special to him, and hes very special to them!!!

- theres a lot of parallels that need to be explored. the moon and mr left a hole open in the roof so he could stare at the moon. the ocean and the wind. the dragon and the... fox? deer? guy? i want so desperately to make a color comparison but their main colors are red and either black or purple so its. not the best of comparisons.

- THE FUCKING ROOF THING I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THAT DID YOU KNOW. DID YOU KNOW EUNWOL MEANS HIDDEN MOON probably you did, i thought it was silver moon for the longest time BUT. freud made space in his life for eun & emphasized it wasnt a burden because it wasnt and allowed himself to be vulnerable around him and eun came out of his shell bit by bit and was rewarded with love and appreciation from the people who mattered most and mAN. MAN,

[skimblyshanks]

so. Earlier I made a post abt Cori and Tantomile, with the focus/intent being to illustrate the general disposition I think Cori has, and why, along with introducing the disconnect that keeps him and Tanto feeling like their own characters despite how foundational their symmetry is blah blah blah headcanons.

Well I'll be real, as much as that was to break the ice on the characters as themselves, it's also bc I wanna be able to chew on my ships for them a bit more. Namely, Jemipat.

Bc for me, Jemipat was born from a tiny interaction during the entracte in the Madrid Proshot. The twins and Jem see each other and begin moving to meet. Tantomile stops but Coricopat keeps going, reaching out his head as if to nuzzle. But he gets nervous and breaks away, with Jemima waiting for him to do what he wanted to do; following him with her eyes and a smile on her face.

For actual onstage moments aside from that, I mean. There's the end of Moments of Happiness except for the fact that he doesn't touch her. He touches the ground, tantomile touches him, and then grabs jemibub's Paw.

But that actually works v well for me. Bc this ship is one of many based on vibes and hcs, and this indirect contact works.

If the friction between Tanto and Cori as concerns their mysticism stems from Tantomile's desire to be socially active clashing with Coricopat's desire to hunker down and get to the root of their differences so as to eliminate social failures, then Jemibub enters into the equation on Coricopat's end to move him into a level of compromise.

Bc Jemibub is a mystical cat to me. And beyond deut, who has the weakest abilities of all 4, she never knew anyone else with these experiences until the twins. Her main network has been Deme, Bomba, Electra, Platometus, and occasionally Munk and Alonzo. Aka, a whole Lotta normies. Pounce carbucketty has magic but no extrasensory abilities. Misto has some, but he keeps it close to his chest. Victoria is abt the same level as Deut, and has just genuinely never thought to bring it up.

So when Jemibub meets the twins, the connection is with Coricopat right away. Here's someone who sees all the weird shit she sees and is also trying to make sense of it. But they both differ in approach. Cori gets locked up in his own head, while Jemibub is naturally exploratory in nature. She wants to find the answers by getting out and doing.

And Cori is drawn to her, but he's also overwhelmed, somewhat. He's been so withdrawn, so isolated, and now there's someone who shares this core Otherness, but is going out, socializing, acknowledging the weird shit around ppl who can't even see it—even tantomile doesn't do that when she's in social mode.

And Jemibub has been starving for anyone who understands the way she sees the world; anyone who might have additional perspectives to offer and help each other navigate easier. Bc Electra is a great sister. She is! And they're both always down to do things with each other, for each other, but this is a fundamental disconnect. Electra can't understand this. And Jemibub doesnt want to portray it like its some bad thing that her sister should feel lucky she doesnt deal with, but nor does she want to make it out like its dome awesome blessing bc its not that either. Its just. Different. And weird. But bringing it up too often around her sister makes both of them unhappy the older they've gotten. They used to try and figure out the mystery of it all together when they were little but now it'll be like. Jemibub makes an observation that only she can notice and if it pertains to Electra she'll throw up the ok sign.

And so Jemibub sees an experiment partner in Cori. She sees the chance to have that bond with someone again, and this time, her partner can actually know what's being observed. He sees it too. He smells it, he hears it, he tastes it.

But she's gotta push him along sometimes. And he's been so scared of making mistakes while socializing that he has basically no practice at it. So even without his main excuse of the sensory disconnect, he's scared he'll make a fool of himself in general. So he backs out a lot. Hides behind his sister sometimes. Takes sudden rain checks because he justvsaid something really cheesy and oh my God she thinks you're so stupid and—

So it's a bit of a waiting game.

But once they do really get started as a pair-and i think it's something they basically just fall into without ever making a statement-i mean cri isn't suddenly great at being social; he doesn't suddenly love talking to people. But he does sustain longer conversations. He's more willing to show vulnerability. And around Jemibub he feels safe to be dumb. He doesn't need to think through his sentences. He can call apples crunchy red balloon fruit if he forgets the word, and most importantly he stops framing their Otherness as a problem to be solved and more as, well. A continuous source of learning.

And I've mainly been looking thru the dynamic of the pairs they get started thru coricopat's perspective here but that's bc I. Literally just made my breakthrough on his relationship-defining character attribute hmvfujbffihddt. I've already had many thoughts on jemibub, as an individual and with her friend group, so it'll be a matter of combining those with the nature of her and Cori as a pair and testing out what I think comes of that.