#do people have strong opinions on this? i honestly do not see why it matters...

[rollercoasterwords]

Hi! I was wondering if you would maybe be willing to talk a little bit about your decision to use a beta reader? I feel like some people have very strong opinions about this, whether it’s for or against, but I think most of the writers who I follow on here actually don’t use them (barring you of course lol). I guess I’m just curious why you prefer to use one, and how you found someone you trust enough to read over your work before posting. And if you’re willing, what exactly is your beta looking for? Spag check, plot holes, or something else entirely? Sorry this is long, I’m just very interested in all the unique ways writers go about their processes! Thank you :)

sure lol i started working w a beta reader back when i was writing atydsp bc people kept commenting abt misused britishisms/how obvious it was that i was usamerican (which was fucking annoying btw lmao) so i was like ok let me see if i can find a british person 2 check my shit...at that point i hadn't made this tumblr yet + was totally clueless in terms of how 2 actually like. interact w any sort of fandom community so i v clumsily made a tiktok account + was like "um british ppl if anyone wants 2 help please dm..." in the endnotes of a ch. + i just got lucky that the person who i connected w ended up being really great + has continued to help me out w other works (hi vi if ur reading this <3)

generally speaking i just ask a beta reader 2 check for any obvious misused britishisms in my chs, but i know some people will look for help w more in-depth editing, plot holes, etc. i guess technical fandom terminology might be "britpick" and not "beta reader" for what i'm doing but...idk idrc what it's called. and later down the line when the first person i connected w was too busy i found someone via tumblr after i'd started interacting more w ppl + sort of had a bit more a community (hi mayane if ur reading this <3) so now i have. two really great people who help me out who i've just become pals w over time <3

[earwig5]

it’s kind of crazy that both fallout new Vegas and fallout 4 have the same driving force for the first half of the narrative (find the guy who wronged you and make him pay) but Benny is so much more memorable and narratively interesting than Kellogg.

It’s a matter of a strong character foil versus a weak one, in my opinion.

Benny and the courier are very much alike. They are both ambitious people who are willing to do anything possible to stack the odds in their favour. Honestly, Benny and the courier are the same card, reversed.

The Sole Survivor and Kellogg are also intended to be character foils. The game tries to convince us of this with the scenes in Kellogg’s mind, where we see that he ‘isn’t so different’ from our protagonist after all. But we don’t know anything about Kellogg other than his backstory. How can he parallel the protagonist if we don’t know which traits he has? Which traits the two of them share?

(As a side note, I wish Fallout 4 had touched way more on the ‘Man/Woman Out of Time’ thing. The protagonist being frozen in the past + Kellogg being functionally immortal would’ve been really cool to explore! Especially in the context of grief!)

In the end, I think the reason Benny is a more powerful character foil is that he doesn’t disappear from the world when you kill him. The chairmen can mourn him, House will comment on it, and even NPCs across the Mojave will talk about Benny’s death!

In Kellogg’s case, the protagonist is basically the only person who knows he even existed! Once he’s dead HE’s DEAD! He disappears completely from the narrative! As soon as you leave fort Hagen, the game doesn’t bother looking back.

that’s why Benny is a more haunting force for new Vegas; particularly an independent courier. You are Benny’s legacy because you are what he leaves behind whether he likes it or not. People remember him as the couriers victim. Meanwhile, nobody remembers Kellogg at all. The memory of who Kellogg was dies with you, and you can choose to forget him.

[genericpuff]

What’s your current thoughts on what we’ve seen of Eleanor’s Deathbed?

IDK, there isn't enough of it so far to even make any sort of judgment, and whatever judgments I do have to make are largely rooted in Rachel's past work because... well, because we've seen this project at least twice before in the past already.

Like so far the only strong opinion I can make about it is "same shit different day". It's kind of like a fusion of Lore Olympus and The Doctor Foxglove Show, because evidently she's only been able to write and draw the same character dynamic and romance plotline for the past decade. All we've seen is the art and it's honestly fine, I think at the very least it's a great sign that the corporate Webtoons burnout is finally starting to lift and she's creating art that doesn't look like that anymore. I can at least acknowledge that as a refreshing improvement.

That said, it's still a far cry away from the stuff she used to create back in the day (in the Foxglove era) and above all else, the art at this point doesn't really matter to me, it's her writing that's always been her weakest skill and evidently one that hasn't improved at all over the years, both on account of her apparent refusal to learn but also what seems to be an incredibly limited perspective that's influenced the severely problematic undertones of her work and its messaging.

The reason these issues were so apparent in LO was because it was the first time she ever had to complete a story (and also the fact that she and WT's alike marketed LO as something it wasn't - a "feminist retelling" that was trying to "help people"). It's why LO was so enjoyable for many of us in the beginning, just for it to fall apart by the end of S2 which made us even more aware of the cracks that were always there from the very first episode, we just didn't notice them or were more forgiving of them because the story was still "setting up" and Rachel clearly "had something planned". That feeling of betrayal and frustration that's shared among everyone within the antiLO community largely started with the creeping and eventually explosive realization that Rachel did not in fact have anything planned to resolve all the questions and loose ends she had created, she was writing by the seat of her pants the whole time and she had finally flat on her face... but with the added arrogance of blaming the "haters" for pulling the seat out from under her.

Credit where credit's due, she's always been pretty good at coming up with fascinating premises and concepts, both of which are present in her pre-LO stories like The Doctor Foxglove Show and Woman King. But they never lasted long enough for us to see how they would have played out from start to finish, and so all we have to judge them by are their foundations, not the completed house.

We were able to judge LO by those metrics, though, and the way it turned out in the end proved that having a good idea doesn't automatically make for good writing.

Maybe Eleanor's Deathbed will improve upon those problems, but considering most of what I've seen so far of the 'writing' through her mini comics, eh, just looks like it's gonna be more of the same "uwu cinnamon bun girl who's casually racist / classist" x "creepy death man who's competitively racist / classist" shtick. And at the end of the day, when so many of her writing issues are rooted in - as mentioned above - her limited perspective of real world problems and over-inflated ego, I have zero reason to believe that ED isn't just gonna be LO with a new coat of paint, with all the same amateur writing, poorly developed characters, self-indulgent soapboxing, poorly disguised trauma dumping, and problematic messaging disguised as "feminism".

When I said a while back that I wasn't interested in following Rachel's work post-LO, I meant it. At the end of the day, what made me fall in love with LO originally was LO, not Rachel herself. My interest in her work died with LO, only extending to the stuff she did before as a sort of morbid fascination with where it might have all gone wrong. And I think the simplest - and most disappointing - conclusion I've ever come to is, "Rachel has always been like this, the downfall of LO just made us look."

The characters, art style, etc. of ED so far are just not compelling to me in the way LO once was, they're not even compelling to me in the way that Foxglove was in hindsight once I knew of its existence (because at least looking back at those pieces, all I could do is wonder how the beauty of those pieces was lost).

If I do ever read ED in the future - assuming it ever even materializes beyond her social media doodles - I want it to be because I'm genuinely interested in her future work, not because I entitle myself to haunting her like a ghost. I'm already surely haunting her enough as it is by not letting her live down LO, but at least I actually liked LO at one point (and still kinda do, if you count my love-hate relationship with it LMAO). I'm not at all interested in Eleanor's Deathbed on account of what I've already experienced of Rachel's work through LO (and through our deep-diving of her pre-LO career) and because, like I said, what I've seen so far is just not really all that compelling. So I just really don't have any reason to invest my time or care into it.

She, like anyone else, has the right to try and move forward from the tire fire that was LO, even if that tire fire is still worth pointing out and discussing in many ways. Maybe Eleanor's Deathbed will succeed upon LO in ways that it failed. Maybe it won't. I'm not compelled to follow along and find out. I'd rather just cut my losses.

Plus if I really want this woman to fade into obscurity the way I think she deserves, well, the only thing I can reliably do to manifest that reality is to not pay her future work any attention whatsoever LMAO Such an individual effort doesn't mean she'll just suddenly disappear, she's clearly got a support network now through Inklore and Webtoons to keep force-feeding her relevance down people's throats, but hey, we all have our own gardens, and I don't have to keep planting her in mine. The carnation that was LO still thrives on, and I care for it through Rekindled and the odd analysis post / rant about LO whenever I happen to think of something new worth discussing. But whatever Eleanor's Deathbed is or will become, it's just not something I want in my garden.

[grapefives]

REVÓLVER SEXUAL | HC

supernova trio x gn!reader (separately)

very light angst + implied nsfw + hispanic/latin reader + past fat shaming + insecurities + fluff + mentioned past unhealthy mechanisms

a/n: totally not self indulging. this has been in my drafts for a year LMAO please like 🧍🏻‍♀️

૮ ּ ۟ monkey d. luffy ׅ ۫ ✧

when you first joined the crew, luffy KNEW you had some sort of trouble with food

you were so hesitant of EVERYTHING that he found himself insisting and making sure you ate well, along with sanji

“y/n, eat more.” you felt like he was your MOM.

you could hear the “estas muy flac@” from your family members or the “ni que estuvieras a dieta” from your mother

but it was so HARD to say no to luffy, captain or not.

you still didn’t have a healthy relationship with food, and still felt a little guilty if you found yourself eating more than you FELT like you should’ve

sometimes you’d go all day without eating until luffy drags you for dinner, it’s not that you did it intentionally, you just don’t find it in you to eat

honestly, it worried luffy but he never really commented on it

all he would do is make sure you at least ate

but when you would play with your food more than eat or even just stare at the plate before you, he would frown and actually force feed you

“Y/N YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG AND HEALTHY SO WE CAN BEAT EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT WAY!”

yet, one day he finds out you literally had an issue with eating, you had mentioned it to chopper and he just happened to overhear

then it clicked why you were always squirmy during intimacy

and WITHOUT FAIL, to your surprise, he started being reassuring to you

he’s always a sweetheart with you, your hype man regardless but this time you knew his intentions were for you to understand you shouldn’t worry about your physical appearance

his eyes were ten times more tender outside the bedroom

yet, when it came to intimacy he was like a hungry animal— kissing, biting and grabbing. it had taken you aback at how specific he was being, but you still melted into him

he made you forget the voices that would say “hide that” or “don’t let him notice” but he made sure you understood that he’ll love you regardless of what you think

and he’s an eater

he’ll eat you up. always.

૮ ּ ۟ trafalgar d. law ׅ ۫ ✧

he’s a DOCTOR. man’s knows when someone is off.

he mistook your lack of interest in food for a stomach bug, genuinely concerned and forcing you to take pills and medicine

lowkey made you feel bad and ashamed to the point you came clean

medical confidentiality right?

😭 the face he gave you!!

“it’s unhealthy to neglect vital nutrients to your body.”

very stern about your meal intake, takes it upon himself to make sure you eat what you can stomach at first and make sure you grow comfortable with both him and food

he’s sweet really, just shows it in private

he literally sits you down and asks you what you would like for your body, because if you have any concerns then you MUST attend them CORRECTLY

no more unhealthy mechanisms

and he falls even more in love when you seem more radiant, more confident.

he’d come up from behind always and just plant a warm, wet kiss on your ear before whispering a compliment on your appearance

he made you feel like no one else’s opinion mattered anymore.

literally it didn’t matter if people commented on your weight, the results you were having made you feel confident

he was definitely surprised when you’d initiate intimacy, when you’d devour him like a starving animal

“someone’s hungry,” he teased once, but when you had paused, he realized his wording must have affected you

he low key panics and stutters out an apology but you smirk at him

“for once i don’t feel guilty for eating-“ and you devour his heart and soul too

૮ ּ ۟ eustass kid ׅ ۫ ✧

i’m sorry but this doofus was really oblivious about it until killer pointed it out

he was so mad at himself. how dare he not see your issue with food?? he thought you gave him your leftovers out of love!!

dude he’s like, an insensitive giant thinking he’s being helpful

it made sense of why you were always trying to put off intimacy or why you’d try to make him see less of you

“i don’t give a damn about how you look. why would i care?” he asks.

in his head he was being sweet and saying “i love you just the way you are.”

but it made you feel like shit

you were already struggling with feeling right with yourself, and he comes and says he doesn’t care? maybe you’re being sensitive but even that made you feel worse

it felt like you’ll never be enough for anyone, even eustass.

you never felt like you mattered, but growing up your weight put labels on you. you grew up with insults being used as nicknames, yet you felt like eustass saw you as nothing

“why aren’t you eating?” he asks when he notices you still aren’t developing a good eating habit, some days you eat well and others you either overeat or don’t eat at all

“does it matter?” you huff.

“i give a damn when you could get sick!”

“you said you don’t give a damn about how i look, so shut up about what i do.” you growl.

“eh? when did i say that!? you need to eat!” he huffs.

“well no thank you.”

you ignore him and he has to corner you in your room to get you to pay him any mind

his interrogations fall deaf in your ears as he cages you under him on your bed

“if i don’t matter to you get out,” you blurt out.

“what are you talking about? when have i made you feel like you don’t matter to me.”

“you know i’m struggling and you just- you just said you don’t give a damn about how i look!”

“because i don’t! does it have to matter? i love you for you! pirates seek out people for their bodies and for their own pleasures! i’m with you because i love you for who you are!”

“and i am not saying you’re ugly or whatever it is you think i think!” he beats you to every argument.

and then he goes on to show you PHYSICALLY what he means. not like, harsh or anything. you’ve never felt so precious under his care before, he kissed you so tenderly.

he didn’t make you feel fragile, like something that could break in a bad way

he made you understand how he sees you as more as his partner- as an extension of his soul, his missing piece

“i’ll make sure you never feel like that again, as long as you’re with me, you’ll be more valuable than a poneglyph. whatever you struggle with, i’ll help you through it.”

your confidence went up, because honestly he’s brutally honest and many people take what the captain says seriously; yet you knew he’s never lie to you

at the end of the day, what your lover says is what matters to you.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Whenever there's a line up event, one of the things that I'm starting to look forward to the most are the show's english names. They are always...interesting. Anyway, a lot of new stuff. They are certainly rivalling gmmtv in terms of content and the event itself. That was looooong and there were a LOT of announcements.

Before I go into new shows. We finally got a date for The Next Prince and it's April. Also Zomvivor has a new teaser and it will air...soon. Goddammit. Speaking of elusive air dates, Khemjira is also coming...soon. It's like they don't want me to be happy. I need all the horror. Your Sky of Us will be a special 3 episode event that will follow the characters into adulthood. I like the idea of seeing the couples after the show's hea so this should be nice. Now for everything else. I added link to the mdl pages and the trailers, so if you don't want my unsolicited opinions just click on the links below the pics.

[ MDL | Trailer ] Love Upon a Time - It's not exactly a new announcement but we finally got a pilot with the new cast and I really enjoyed it. I'm convinced that Net is one of those actors that can have chemistry with anyone so this should be good at least when it comes to the main couple. When it comes to fantasy thai bl, I never want to get my hopes too high because a lot of the time they tend to forgo internal narrative consistency for the sake of the romance, but either way, I will be watching this one.

[ MDL | Trailer ] Your Third - MaxNat romcom, why not? When it comes to the romance, I think they can pull it off, but the comedy? Not so sure. I don’t hate anything here, but I can’t say I really love anything either.

[ MDL | Trailer ] Mr.Fanboy - Well this should be interesting. I do like when bl goes a bit meta, so I'm looking forward to see what DMD has to say about this. AuAu and Save fans must be losing it to see them as leads, and I was surprised to see James. I thought he wasn't gonna be in any series for a while, but I'm not as well informed about these things. Interesting cast and concept. I will be tuning in.

[ MDL | Trailer ] You(r)Tuber - Do you see what I mean? These names kill me. Looks cute. Surprised to see Earth and First but nothing really excites me about this one. Oh wait, I'm wrong, there are pets and more importantly a cat. That makes me happy.

[ MDL | Trailer ] Duang With You - My crumbs have graduated and I'm screaming. I love everything about this, but honestly, I love TeeteePor. They are beautiful. I also love a shameless flirt that will thaw the heart of a brooder. So I'm winning either way.

[ MDL | Trailer ] Restart - This is giving Elite but with some extra bullying for good measure. It's also giving nakedness galore. DMD knows their audience. I'm guessing we will be seeing a lot of showers. I'm happy to see Tommy again. I'm not sure if this is exactly bl, but with the amount of naked boys in the pilot alone, might as well be.

[ MDL | Trailer ] Magic Lover – I guess it was only a matter of time for BL to start playing with magic. I mean, we're in our vampire season, so this was the next logical step. Anyway, ThomasKong are back. And Keng… I have to admit, very few actors illicit a strong reaction from me solely based on their looks, but Keng is one of them. That guy has an absolutely flawless face. I like that we have 3 different couples and I like fantasy and fated mates so I'm definitely on board.

[ MDL | Trailer ] HUG E-Lhee The Musical - Ok, I LOVE musicals. Seriously. And let’s be real, when it comes to musicals, especially the more comedic ones, there’s always a built-in level of cringe. Which is fine. People randomly breaking into song pretty much guarantees that. But throwing BL into the mix, along with some folks who aren’t exactly great singers? That might just be a step too far for me. No shade, just a personal preference.

Also announced was another ThomasKong show, Unknown Lover, and a DMD Sitcom, หอตัวดี, with literally all the boys.

Well, that's everything from me. Obviously most of these will come in late 2025 and 2026. And despite everything I just said, I’ll probably still end up watching the first episodes of all the shows.

[im-not-a-ghost]

A short letter from them <3

Warning : this reading could be triggering.

Group 1

Cards - Surrender, Trust, The Universe, Soul work, Ancestors, Reflect, Page of cups, King of cups, 3 of pentacles, 5 of swords, Black Numen, The Hierophant

I see myself in you. It is troubling as much as it is freeing. I don't love myself enough to admit that I love you. I want to be a better person before I can come up to you.I hate that I have to be away from you. There is nothing I want more than to be close to you but duty calls. I have my own karma to resolve, my own issues and challenges to deal with. I understand now that the Universe let us meet for a reason. I realize that you were a lesson for me to learn. That all good things in life ask for dedication and faith. And I was not ready for you. I had dedication but I didn't have faith. Now I see clearly what I have to do. You awakened something in me I didn't know I had. Now I want to do more, live more, feel more. I want to shine brighter than before. I want to be a person you can be proud of. My ultimate goal is to propose to you. There will be a long way ahead before I can even dream of holding your hand again. In the meantime, I will work harder, better, faster, stronger. I'm sure you know that song too. Let us connect through music. When we're apart, I hope the songs we liked to listen to will keep you company and remind you of me, just as they will remind me of you. I'll hold you dear to my heart. Can you please do the same? ♡︎

Reader's insights : My alarm started ringing as I was shuffling your cards. I was hesitating on keeping the Reflect card and that's when the alarm chimed in so I took that as a confimation that yes this person is a reflection of you. The signs of Taurus, Scorpio, Leo and Aquarius could be significant. I get strong Twin flame vibes from this group. For some of you I pick up on cultural differences. A part of the reasons why this person is scared to come forward is because they're afraid of their family's opinion regarding your connection. They think that they wouldn't be too keen on having you in the family because you are from a different background. But your person doesn't care about your differences, in fact it's what drew them in and it's why they love you. They also were amazed at how similar you could be dispite your differences. I'm definitely picking up on long distance relationships. You aren't in contact with them at the moment or the contact is minimal. This person is going through some existential crisis. Meeting you put everything into perspective. You rocked their world.

♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎

Group 2

Cards - Reflect, Ascension, Withdraw, Play, Power (horizontal), get creative, Wheel of fortune, 7 of wands, 10 of pentacles, ace of swords, 2 of pentacles, 2 of swords

I feel like I constantly have to fight for your attention. You're always busy, always on the go. You always have something to do, something to say to someone that can't wait another day. So many excuses. Do I even matter? Like, do you even care about us? I know you're my soulmate and honestly it frustrates me because I feel like I have to go through so many struggles to just have one happy moment with you, without other people getting their nose in our business. It's always my friend said this, my family did that. What about me? What about what I said or did? What about my feelings? Honestly, do you even want me in your life? Because if you don't I have no problem with that. However I have a problem with you wasting my time and hurting me. I can be pretty open minded I just need people to be honest and mature enough to voice out what's wrong for them. You feel so distant and I don't know what to do anymore with this. To tell you the truth, I'm considering leaving and entertaining other connections because at this point why even bother? When I'm in the mood for more and ready to keep things going you just retreat to your shell and put up a wall between us. At least tell me what's wrong. If I've done something that hurt you I want to own up to it and apologize properly. I can't read your mind.

Reader's insights : I kept being distracted as I shuffled your cards. People might be interfering in this connection to deter you from being with that person if this is a romantic connection. This person thinks that you're seeing someone else and/or playing with them. Before even reading for you and writing what this person wanted to say, I felt a lot of frustration bubbling up in my chest. The cards feel quickly so this person has a lot on their plate. I'm sorry if this reading is triggering to some of you. You can't seem to see eye to eye with this person. There are serious communication issues in this group because I feel like you may be in the same energy as this person. You don't know what they want either, you feel like they keep running away from you. There's a lot of confusion between the two of you as to where this is going and what each other's intentions are. You don't trust one another, it's a battle of egos that seems like it's never ending.

♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎♡︎

Group 3

Cards - 9 of pentacles, The Magician, The Star, Page of cups, Temperance, 8 of pentacles, Speak Truth, Movement, Play, The Magi, The Creator, Versatility

Ever since we parted ways, I feel like my life is finally making sense. I feel better in my shoes, better in my skin. And I honestly think it's better this way. My career took a positive turn. I am more abundant. I feel like I'm in alignment with my destiny. I feel like life is finally smiling to me and I can finally work toward what I always wanted. I think going our separate ways was the best thing that could happen to us. Because I know deep down I would have choked being next to you. Being away from you allows me to express my true self. To explore and figure out who I am. To indulge in pleasures I didn't know existed, to give life to dreams I didn't know I had. I feel like I'm rebirthing. I'm finally in control of my life and my destiny. It took meeting you to realize I was not happy and for that I am grateful. I know this isn't what you would like to hear. But for once in my life I want to stop pleasing people and start pleasing myself. I will now give myself the love I deserve and needed. And I hope you can respect that. I am now moving on and flying on my own. Thank you for the memories.

Reader's insights : I felt quite nervous doing this reading, my body was tense. There were remanent energies from group 2 because I kept thinking of their last song The Negative. You might want to check group 2 if you hesitated between group 3 and group 2. It was like this person hesitated saying the things they said because they thought you'd take it personally and they're aware of the wrongs it would cause. But they had to get it off their chest. The signs of Gemini, Aquarius, Sagittarius may be significant.

[contamination-zone]

warning im a yapper

hello ummm just wanted to say!!! i really like the dynamic you give fresh and nightmare/color with the whole “cat who goes to different houses to get fed twice” thing. nightmare and his weird cat that he has probably locked in a basement a few times. color and this guy he picked off the road because he looks weird and decided he can solve this mess. fresh does not have any strong personal feelings towards either of them.

i very much so like the comic thing where nightmare and ccino were talking about fresh and ccino thought he was a kitten cat,,, no he is not but he acts like one. “he keeps crawling on my lap” that is a grown man get him away!!!! he has a dog cage i think that he is put in sometimes for naughty behavior. he doesn’t really care because he’s allowed his gameboy though. do you think nightmare ever sprays him with water when he does something bad. and this is like a grown adult. what

maybe i just like the trope of dehumanization (bonus if with someone who’s weirdly chill with it like fresh) but whatever,,, your art!!!! it gives me life!!! i very much enjoy the pixely type style and how freak you draw fresh. he’s a fucking creature he is. something is wrong with that guy. and i love him soooo much. so creature. he’s the kind of guy to do that thing where you walk on all fours up the stairs.

AND the way you characterize him is!!!! so good!!!!!!!!! he is so fucked up and weird and terrible and manipulative!!!!!!! he takes advantage of others’ empathy and feelings because he has very little of it himself and whenever he does feel it he does not like it!!!!!!! he looks at a guy with a savior complex and goes yeah i can mentally fuck him up for the next seven months to get something cool i want. he’s just actually terrible and i love him for that.

i also!!! don’t know too much about CB but i feel that fresh’s dynamic with them (him?? i forgor) is very interesting from what i have seen!!!!!! and their shimeji is very cute i still need to download it but i like it a lot :3

OKAY UHHH BYE!!!!! I LIKE UR ART A LOT…… HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!!!! 10/10 fresh posting on your blog love him a lot he is my wife (he feels nothing towards me)

THANK YOU!!! I see you mass reblog things sometimes it makes me giggle :-]

I yammer back...

Glad you like the dynamics haha X] Fresh having very little personal feelings about people is fun and interesting to me. As someone who has trouble connecting and low empathy, its nice to depict someone like me. [Guy interacting with people who are a Lot more invested than he is ghghg]

Fresh would only accept being put in the cage because he can teleport out. Anything like that is only for the Aesthetic, which I think Nightmare would still be down for. Shove that thang into some awful little crate, as a treat. [Honestly I think Fresh would like to get in some nice dog crate with a blankie. Small hide / den thing to nap in :-]]

ALSOOOO dehumanization and freak who doesn't mind is my favorite dynamic <333. Fresh doesn't mind because... he isn't a monster? or a human? And he doesn't have a human/monster centric view of the world. Being seen as a human/monster isn't in anyway important to him, because he doesn't seen it as better/worse. He is the way he is, why does it matter?

Its like, I don't think a cat has very strong opinions on the fact it isn't a man. I also think Fresh is incredibly self-centered and when he's on a high point, sees himself as above humans/monsters. Of course he's not seen as human, he's Fresh! he's a sick-nasty parasite! way cooler. [annnddd way cooler that he gets to eat dog-treats. heck yeah!!]

Also I drew up a little thing with CB and Fresh. Its ahh, I like them a lot I just get nervous speaking about them because its suuuch a oc & canon are besttties that it makes me feel a bit cringe... I also get nervous because CB and Fresh have a very, toxic?? friendship.

Fresh is very possessive and strange about it, because this is his Only friend and he has very dysregulated emotions. Not being able to feel positive emotions often makes it so when he does, he gets very odd about it. So its a lot of... trying to keep CB to himself, at the detriment to CB's goals and ambitions. [CB is trying to track his family down, and Fresh uh. knows. where they are. and is not telling him :-)]

I dunno I think Fresh being genuinely friends with someone but also an awful person about it is like, sorely missing from the fandom landscape. He's a bad person but bad people can still form meaningful relationships and!!! I think that should be explored :-]

[They do eventually get somewhere more healthy. As in, Fresh's whole Thing is revealed, a lot of shinanigans happen, CB lives with his family and Fresh and CB reconnect and become friends again, just with like. Fresh trying actively to do "good person things" to make sure CB's family doesn't shoo him off [I ADOREEE good actions for morally ambiguous reasons!!!], and CB with the understanding that his best friend is Kinda a Freak.]

[normanssurvivalsite]

Even

(Hazbin Rozie x soft!male reader.)

No warnings (not proof read)

You tried to tiptoe as quietly as possible through your and your wives house. You didn't know that the trail of blood you were leaving would give you away in the morning anyways.

"You're home late" you heard the lovely voice of your dear wife while she sat on the sofa and turned on the light on the small table besides it.

You exhaled through your nose.

"Yeaahhh..." was all you could get out of

When Rosie took in your form more carefully she saw the beaten state you were in.

"Oh dear, what happened to you" she sounded more sympathetic now and rushed to your side to help you sit down

"Hahh, you should see the other guy...he got out without a scratch it was honestly pretty impressive" you said with honest astonishment.

You have been getting into fights at bars lately...a lot. Why? Well the answer was rather easy really, your wife was the Rosie. A powerful overlord in hell and leader of cannibal town. She was powerful, strong, cunning, smart and most of all feared because of those qualities.

And you...well, you weren't weak not by any means but you were just...soft, to put it lightly. While other boys fought you enjoyed chasing a butterfly. You were a very kind soul and opted to see the good in people. You were a fallen angel, after all.

When you met Rosie you were the same dork you are now, you just liked to draw and she is very beautiful so you asked if you could draw her. Thats how you two met 10 years ago.

As time passed by, you fell in love with her, however you would have never guessed that a powerful woman like herself would fall for someone like you. Alas she did and after some time being together you got married.

Since Rosie was quite the public figure, people, of course, knew about your engagement and they had their own opinions, mostly bad ones.

The people of cannibal town thought Rosie deserved someone tough, not to protect her she can do that to, but to match her, to be her equal.

And you thought so too. It was a true wonder why she was still with you, really.

"(Y/N)"

The powerful voice of your beloved got you out of your thoughts.

"*sigh* are you thinking about what others are saying again?" She questioned looking at you sadly.

You looked away ashamed.

"My love" she slowly put her hand on your cheek and made you look at her.

"I have told you countless times but I wont stop until you get it into your head. I.Love.You their opinions do not matter, especially when they dont know you like I do, for if they did they would know that you have the strongest heart I have ever witnessed, you might not like fights and blood spill but I know for a fact that when its really needed you will step up, and thats what really matters." She smiled at you kindly.

"Also, I like violence plenty so we make the perfect pair" she grinned at you manically.

You really didn't know how you got so lucky as to have such an amazing wife. You let out a chuckle and kissed her.

"Thank you" you smiled lightly

"Of course dear, now go wash up and lets go to bed I'm tired" she said exhausted while she stood up and walked to your shared bedroom.

You smiled to yourself, sure you weren't a big fan of violence but you hat a cannibal as a wife, you guys kinda evened each other out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yall I know I said Id proof read tham and than post but I LOVE this one so much its short but so good😭

ALSO, ROSIE IS NOT TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH LIKE I LOVE HER SM ROSIE PLS MARRY ME😖

ANYWAYS

I hope you enjoyed your reading ladies, gentleman and others, good afternoon good evening and good night🧡🦖

[rosesnbooks]

Gemini placements

disclaimer: i am not a professional, these are just my observations that i have accumulated over the years

🌀sun in gemini-i think that people usually form strong opinions about them. definitely not the type to be seen as wallflowers. they are naturally curious and they're either shy or like to shine in the spotlight, depends on other placements. whenever they speak, people listen to them and often find them charming and funny. i think their personalities can seem intense which is why they're not for everybody, but they're not easy to read. they are adaptable and knowledgable about things that interest them. if they like to talk to you about their thoughts and ideas, you must be special to them. honestly, they have no patience for people who try to waste their time and act fake around them. they can conceal their personalities around those they do not trust.

🧞‍♀️moon in gemini-they have a lot on their minds and they feel the best when they process their emotions verbally, whether through writing or talking to someone. they probably enjoy talking to those closest to them about their emotions, but some tend to have better personal "enlightenment" when they process things in writing. their memory is amazing and they are very logical. some try to dissect their emotions outloud, while others try to supress them. they can talk about deep issues and then joke around in a matter of seconds, they're quite adaptable. they can get stuck in their head and overthink things which leads to a lot of negative emotions that they wanted to avoid in the first place. can be insensitive sometimes when it comes to analyzing other's emotions because they approach it from a logical perspective because they want to be reasonable, which may sometimes backfire or provide as good advice. unsurprisingly, they are good with words. they are emotionally connected to their moms. their moms might have been youthful, curious, and adaptable when they were little.

💠rising/ascendant in gemini-they are, in my opinion, hard to notice! they definitely have a youthful appearance and attitude as many claim, but it's not easy to spot them because of their adaptability, unless you really observe them in the wild among different types of people lol. i'll repeat this quality a lot in this post, but they too are very curious. some may not talk much, but once you ask them about something they love, you'll see that sparkle in their eyes and the yapper will awake. may appear fake while they are trying to see if they like you, but they're just protecting themselves. if they want to create a fake persona tho, they can do it easily. they explore their identities often and try to figure out who they are, and may get confused because they change rapidly. they express themselves with their entire body lmao, especially when they are enjoying themselves. can get strong energy outbursts. they are not big fans of routine and following the rules strictly. they have a specific style most of the time, but they like to surprise themselves from time to time, to the point of confusing others haha

🐦mercury in gemini-they are light-hearted and try not to take things too seriously in life. many like to read and talk with open-minded people and to those with whom they share similar attitudes. they are quick-witted and may not open up easily about their emotions and share their vulnerable side with others, so actually a few people know their true identities. this also gives them an air of mystery. the charm is really charming with this placement lol. very creative as well. but when they finally open up about their emotions and thoughts, they reveal their complex and beautiful souls. they also choose their words carefully whenever they talk about serious matters. they are calculated and observant, even when they seem relaxed...they are processing everything others say and do, as well as their surroundings in general

💙venus in gemini-so, so flirty, even when that's not their intention. they like people that seem interesting and talkative. they seek out good conversationalists. they want partners who are always ready do adapt and explore, and those who are fearful of changes/passive are not appealing to them. unless they find someone that fits their criteria, makes them laugh and feel excited, they won't settle down and they'll seek excitement in flings. romance and love seem so fun to them so they want to enjoy themselves while exploring these concepts. they can be immature at times and a bit superficial. humor is of utmost importance! they need it in their daily lives and relationships with others. they remind me of young love, especially high school and college. they are good with people, so they are often adored. freedom and space: a must for them. without it, they feel suffocated and become bolters.

💿mars in gemini-they have so much energy and they sometimes don't know what to do with it. they cannot sit still for the life of them. they can have mood swings. they experience stress or anxiety but they have a highly adaptable nature and manage to do everything eventually. they are often good at different things, whether in natural sciences or more creative fields. not all of them look super youthful but their energy appears young and lively. and they serve visuals! their personal style and face card are truly amazing. they are really intelligent and quick with their responses, and they need mental stimulation most of the time. they come up with many ideas and creative solutions. it may be challenging for them to find something they'll stick with for a long time because they crave change. they have to be careful with handling distractions!! careers that don't allow them enough passion, mental stimulation, and flexibility literally drain their energy.

🔵jupiter in gemini-their communication skills get them far in life! they process a lot of information without difficulties and they are fun to be around. once again, they also love to express themselves verbally, so writing or in general having to perform among people is something they are good at. they like to meet different people that catch their interest, but they try to surround themselves with those who don't take life too seriously. this is especially true for those who may struggle with their stress and overthinking tendencies, so they like those who make them laugh and relax. their memory is excellent, to the degree that some remember dates of even minor events, especially if they are related to people they had a connection with at one point. music also triggers a lot of memories

🫐saturn in gemini-they have so much to say but there are some things holding them back, whether it is related to speech impediments or general insecurity, they keep a lot to themselves. that's why they may be harder to figure out. make no mistake, they are very clever and have different talents. they can be good with practical things in life and technology. they also pressure themselves to be as confident, practical/powerful as possible, but they need to embrace their curious and flexible side. following a routine is not their favorite thing to do and they absolutely despise small talk and want to delve into deeper topics. they have a strong desire for excelling in their communication skills

©rosesnbooks

[youremyheaven]

Random Astrology Observations

Moon in the 1h is often talked about like 🥺🥺wears their heart on their sleeve🥹🥹uwu softie way but tbh Moon in 1h can make someone incredibly manipulative, they know just what to say and when to say it and know how to work their audience, this is perhaps why this placement is found in the charts of soooo many successful actors. ex: Leonardo DiCaprio, Audrey Hepburn, Henry Cavill, Charlie Chaplin, Priyanka Chopra, Antonio Banderas, Brendan Fraser, Benicio Del Toro, Jared Padelecki, Val Kilmer, Adrien Brody etc

I think this is a very manipulative placement, again manipulation is not in and of itself a bad thing, its what we use it for that matters. Some people completely lack the ability to manipulate at all (they don't have Moon influence)

2. Debilitated placements point to unconventional intelligence & wisdom in that area. I feel like they've cracked the code . They struggle a lot but when they triumph it's magic

3. I've mentioned this in other posts but many notorious sex offenders have Venus influence. Actions of this sort, as well as criticizing others' beauty, not taking care of yourself/surroundings, being shabby or disorderly in general are all things that harm your Venus. Abusing someone is the quickest way to ruin your Venus, you start corroding and that ugliness begins to manifest on the outside.

Ex: Harvey Weinstein looks like a cartoonish villain

4. As I explore the astrology content put out by others across different platforms, I've seen how the nature of the take themselves are so specific and unique to the person making them. Claire Nakti has a tendency imo to focus heavily on romance, sex and women's sexual behaviour and what sort of men they attract.

Going through her website, it's obvious that she's deeply immersed in occult & esoteric philosophy (all of which ties together with vedic astrology, philosophy, Buddhism etc because I truly believe that spiritual truths are universal and different schools of thought/religion/culture/mythology express these same truths in their own way with a LOT of recurring patterns) and Carl Jung as well.

It's studying Jung that helped me understand that what we see or draw from something is a reflection of who we are. As a beginner to vedic astrology, I initially believed Claire's one dimensional portrayal to be the all encompassing truth of a nakshatra until I started doing my own reading and research.

The things I talk about or the patterns I find are a reflection of me and I get a lot of asks about why I don't do xyz nak and honestly it's not as simple as doing research for an essay for uni, you kind of have to have a gnosis or innate knowing of its themes, something to base your search off of. And different naks call to me at different points. I come across content that describes certain naks in lights i could've never imagined which is to say that gnosis or inner knowing is an important aspect of studying anything esoteric, it kind of has to be revealed to you and what you see, what you can discern is a reflection of you.

5. you have to have a strong Rahu to discern patterns and similarities because Rahu is maya/illusion and a well-placed Rahu will allow you to see through those patterns/illusions. it will be very hard for someone without a strong Rahu to find similarities or common tropes, patterns, themes etc. Seeing through the veil or fog is Rahuvian.

6. Claire Nakti made a video about Venusian men where she said they were the ideal type of man and tbh that just confirmed my suspicion that she's Moon dominant because I think Moon dominant people are attracted to Venusians but in my humble opinion both Venusian men and Moon dominant men are some of the most batshit crazy people (manipulative and controlling at the least, psychopathic at worst) basically men who have a lot of Yin tend to be psychotic

7. I've noticed that Revati people tend to speak in a very verbose way. Nigella Lawson, Revati Moon is a really good example. Obviously other placements will also impact speech

8. Moon dominant people hate it when others share sob stories. They're the type to have the least amount of empathy for others and will either react in a neutral way or like they don't understand why you're saying this stuff at all. They're bored by other people's mundane problems and make it known as well. Not people you want to open up to.

My former friend was this way, I once cried in front of her and she showed zero emotion and didn't even try to comfort me lol

9. The way others treat us is the way we treat others. ik this is a basic take but karma is cause and effect. if you're dismissive of others feelings, other people will be dismissive of yours. what you do is what will be done unto you. Its so crazy to see how people who've been treated like shit by their friends will turn around and treat other people like shit. this is sooo basic but genuinely dont do anything to others that you dont want done to you.

[lovelynicho]

"In the blue of my oblivion"

*the title is a reference to Sullen girl by Fiona Apple

Pairing: bf!Nicholas x gn!reader

Genre: fluff, angst

Warning: heavy topics, mention of rape and trauma, read to own responsibility! ; not proofread

Wc: idk, my longest fic yet

Notes: I know this is a heavy topic but in my opinion this should be talked about as things like this happen to more people than some would think, way too many people; if you go through a hard time it's okay to talk about it, to ask for help, never forget that! ; english is not my first language, I apologize for any mistakes

Masterlist

Sometimes you still wonder how did you end up with Nicholas. Despite his intimidating, at times even scary appearance, he truly is the kindest soul you've ever met. It is beyond you how someone like him, who always catches everyone's attention, noticed you, who likes to stay in the shadows of others.

But what matters is that he noticed you, and liked you ever since he laid his eyes on you. Asked you out on a date, and then another one, and another one.... And now he's officially your boyfriend. And you love him oh so much. You feel like in him you found your soulmate.

There is just one thing you're worried about ever since he took you out on the first date. And that is physical affection. More like how you don't like it. Or to phrase it better: you can't really take it. One thing you always noticed in relationships is that physical touch is something that everyone needs and the fact that you're usually reluctant about it caused serious arguments in multiple of your past relationships, eventually leading the to their end.

At first you weren't sure if you should let Nicholas know about this worry of yours, but as you guys went on more and more dates you realised that it's not something that you can keep as a secret forever. So you told him. And he said he understood. You just didn't tell him everything.

Either way your relationship was going great, you have been together for two months now, and through this time Nicholas had been so great, always asking if he can touch you before hugging you or anything else. He really did look out for you.

Today seemed to be rough though. Nicholas slept over at your place for the first time. Two months is a long time but for you it's especially hard to let people close, both physically and emotionally, so this was a big step for you.

In the morning you woke up before Nicholas and you decided to make breakfast for both of you. Something easy without much trouble. As you were in the process of making the food once you just felt two hands gently reaching under your shirt to touch your sides. And just as a reflex you instantly let everything go from your hands, closed your eyes, gritting your teeth, you pushed the hands away as strong and fast as you possibly could.

"Relax baby, it's just me" you did relax as soon as you heard Nico's voice from behind you. Opening your eyes you turned to him seeing he put both his hands in the air like you were threatening to shoot him. "Who did you even expect it to be?" He asked with a little smirk hiding in his voice as he put his hands down.

"I mean.... I don't know" you answered honestly. Because when this happens, when you push away anyone who's touching you at certain places you genuinely don't know who you tough was touching you when you push their hands away "you never know" you muttered as you turned back to the food you were preparing.

"It's been a while since we're together and I always wanted to ask...." he seemed to hesitate a little bit, like he was afraid of the question. Or maybe he was actually afraid of the answer, that it will be what he thought it was. "Why do you not like touches? I mean in some cases it's understandable, nobody likes if someone touches them without permission but.... Not even hugs or anything. Why....?"

You sensed that this was the part when he expected your answer. So you turned to him again, so you can be face to face with him. His eyes seemed a little worried, scared of what will come next. You were scared too, you hadn't shared this part of you with many people, only your closest friends knew the truth. You have never told this to any of those you were in a relationship with before. Because you were afraid that this could be a reason for them to leave. That's why you're afraid to tell it to Nicholas. But you can't deny an answer now. Not when he's looking at you with eyes that could make the strongest hearts melt.

"It's not easy to explain, you know" he looked at you, clearly not satisfied with something this short for an answer. "I was really young.... And someone touched me at certain places in certain ways. Someone I thought I could trust" you kept staring at the ground while you said these words. They came harder than you thought they would, it was like something wanted to keep them inside. You felt something hard on your chest, suddenly breathing became harder and you fought tears back as some memories from that time came back.

After a little silence you looked up at Nicholas. The way he hadn't say anything scared you a little. "I'm so sorry" he whispered as he looked at you absolutely broken.

"Why are you sorry? It's not like it's your fault"

"I'm sorry for dragging this out of you" he answered "you're clearly uncomfortable with it and I didn't want to make you feel like you have to tell me"

"No it's okay" you said with a small smile creeping on your lips "I trust you"

"Can I hug you?" You nod as an answer and he hugged you so tightly like he was afraid that something might rio you out of his arms. "I won't force you to tell me more.... But if you want to talk about it, you always can talk to me, okay?"

"Okay." You muttered into his chest. You were so happy he didn't leave you for this, that he didn't look at you differently now. "But honestly, I just want all those memories to turn into oblivion"

And you let all the tears that you were holding back flood from your eyes. Years of your silence coming out of you now in the forms of salty water sliding down your cheeks.

But in Nicholas' arms you felt safe.

[kdwg]

Medicine Pocket x Reader : “Isn't it good to be a dog?”

i wrote this at 1.4 China sever, I know Medicine Pocket here might be ooc, i didnt know Chinese, everything i knew abt Medipoc through using ggl translate their story. MediPoc in my fic using he/him pronouns (in game Medicine Pocket said i can call whatever pronouns i want for him so...)

---English Version---

Medicine Pocket finds you very annoying. He doesn't know if it's because of all the drugs he's taken recently, making your baseless babbling deafening. “Like a fly”, that's what Medicine Pocket bluntly told you, unfortunately you didn't even bother and continued to cling to him like a horseshoe crab.

Today is even more so, Medicine Pocket is almost drowning in a sea of ​​reports, dense numbers filling the mind, and even reprimands and reminders from sources above, even, one must say, Medicine, who had always ignored public opinion, was now exhausted as his brain was constantly repeating the cruel and disdainful judgments of some of the researchers who had chatted in the kitchen a few minutes ago. I don't want to pay attention, but somehow people always pay attention to how others comment on them. Medicine sighed, he raised his hand to rub his temple very roughly, threw the pile of papers on the table, he slid off the chair and lay on the floor. Closing his eyes, feeling the darkness weakly trying to cover itself in the bright light, he wondered where you were now? Honestly, sometimes listening to you talk silly is more entertaining than having a very social and fake conversation with a co-worker. You've warned him so many times, so many times that just by remembering it, he can see the image of you angrily waving your index finger to remind him that no matter how much he hates people, he can't call them assholes, then step on their foot and leave.

“Hey, what do you think?”

Medicine was startled from the impending sleep. Seeing your appearance, he was a bit surprised. Medicine didn't respond and simply looked at you with wide eyes.

“What's wrong, did you fall asleep?”

You were a bit confused when you asked two questions but still no scolding to kick you out of the room was uttered.

Medicine lay half on the floor, his upper body raised, looking at you in bewilderment like a puppy that had just met its owner a few times. You tilted your head to survey the situation. Could Medicine have tested something strange on himself again?

“Medi?”

"Yes?"

You walked closer and crouched down to Medicine's level. The eyes are still normal, the skin is a bit pale, the lips are not pale, overall you can evaluate Medicine as being fine.

“Give me your hand.”

You spread your hands. Without hesitation Medicine Pocket placed your hand on it, you took off his gloves trying to find something unusual, but everything was fine, the temperature remained stable and the warmth of his skin made you feel strong. The heat in the room also gradually increased. You gently squeezed his hand. When you raised your head, you still met his dreamy eyes from before. You couldn't help but giggle, breaking the silence:

“Are you a dog?”

Medicine was silent for a few seconds, he looked away from your face and then shifted his gaze down to the five fingers embracing his hand. His eyebrows furrowed thoughtfully, he really took it as a serious question. Medicine stroked his chin and sighed softly and answered without any excitement:

“Isn't it good to be a dog?”

This time you couldn't stop yourself from laughing out loud, oh my god, what were you thinking? You reached out with your other hand to pinch Medicine's nose. Instinctively, he angrily glared at you and coldly pushed your hand away:

“Don't laugh.”

“Why do you think like that?”

“See if I were a dog, everyone would definitely love me. I also won't have to find a way to please anyone, not to mention I'll be very cute.”

“You've always been cute.”

You wrapped your arms around Medicine's neck, this time he didn't pull away, he let you bury your face in the crook of his neck. Medicine Pocket does not have the scent you like, on the contrary, it is very unpleasant to smell, but it sticks to him for so long that the smell of antiseptic and rubber soon becomes an indispensable part of his daily life.

Medicine felt itchy when you whispered under his throat, he felt your warm breath stick to his skin, it was so annoying that he couldn't stop.

“What's wrong, does this great scientist care about what other people say?”

Whenever he gets caught talking about something, Medicine tends to react violently and deny it, but when it comes to you, he simply stays silent, indifferently avoiding your gaze. This time too, you didn't get his answer. You raised your head to look for his eyes, but Medicine looked at you. It's a look of boredom and acknowledgment, somewhere a little sulky, indicating why you haven't pampered or comforted her yet. “It's no different than a puppy that forgets to be petted.” That's the first thought that pops into your head. You leaned forward, your hands cupping Medicine's face, gently placing light kisses on his cheeks.

Medicine still didn't seem very satisfied, his ten fingertips wrapped around your hand, his eyelashes drooped down in a state of confusion, he tried not to look into your eyes but in the end he couldn't resist. Medicine remembers the words that want to be buried deep in the throat:

“Do you think like them?”

Your two noses touch, you smile:

“Of course not, if talking to them makes you feel that bad then just step on their toes and leave.”

“You call them stupid?”

“They deserve it.”

Medicine Pocket let out a dramatic sigh. After that, he kisses you.

---Vietnamese Version---

Medicine Pocket cảm thấy bạn rất phiền phức, anh không biết có phải do đống thuốc bản thân vạ miệng uống gần đây khiến những lời lảm nhảm vô căn cứ của bạn làm đinh tai nhức óc. “Như một con nhặng”, đó là điều Medicine Pocket đã thẳng thừng nói với bạn, tiếc rằng bạn còn chẳng bận lòng mà tiếp tục bám lấy anh như sam.

Hôm nay còn hơn cả vậy, Medicine Pocket gần như chìm trong biển báo cáo, những con số dày đặc lấp đầy tâm trí, và cả những lời khiển trách nhắc nhở từ những nguồn chi phía trên, thậm chí, một người phải nói là luôn bỏ ngoài tai dư luận như Medicine giờ đây cũng mệt nhoài khi bộ não của anh đang liên tục lặp lại sự phán xét coi thường ác ý của một số các nhà nghiên cứu đã tán gẫu ở nhà bếp mấy phút trước. Anh không muốn để tâm, song con người một phần nào đó luôn chú ý về việc người khác bình phẩm mình ra sao. Medicine thở dài, anh đưa tay lên day thái dương hết sức thô bạo, ném đống giấy lộn lên bàn, anh trượt khỏi ghế và nằm dài trên sàn. Nhắm mắt lại, cảm nhận bóng tối yếu ớt cố gắng bao trùm trong ánh đèn sáng chói, anh tự hỏi bây giờ bạn đang ở đâu? Thành thật mà nói, đôi khi nghe bạn nói ngớ ngẩn còn giải trí hơn là có một cuộc trò chuyện hết sức xã giao và giả tạo với đồng nghiệp. Bạn đã dặn dò anh rất nhiều lần, nhiều đến mức chỉ cần nhớ lại anh có thể thấy hình ảnh bạn cáu kỉnh vung ngón trỏ nhắc dù anh có ghét người ta đến mức nào cũng không thể bảo họ là thằng lỗ đít, rồi dẫm vào chân và bỏ đi.

“Này, em nghĩ gì đấy?”

Medicine giật mình khỏi giấc ngủ sắp ập đến. Thấy sự xuất hiện của bạn, anh có chút ngỡ ngàng thái quá, Medicine không đáp đơn giản chỉ tròn mắt nhìn bạn.

“Sao thế, em ngủ quên à?”

Bạn có chút bối rối khi hỏi đến hai câu mà vẫn chưa có lời mắng mỏ đòi đuổi bạn ra khỏi phòng được thốt ra.

Medicine nằm nửa người trên sàn, thân trên nâng lên ngơ ngác nhìn bạn hệt như một con cún mới gặp chủ vài lần. Bạn nghiêng đầu dò xét tình hình, Medicine không lẽ lại tự thử nghiệm thứ gì kì quặc lên bản thân nữa rồi?

“Medi?”

“Vâng?”

Bạn tiến lại gần và cúi xuống ngang tầm với Medicine. Tròng mắt vẫn bình thường, da hơi nhợt nhạt, môi không tái, xét về tổng thể bạn có thể đánh giá Medicine vẫn ổn.

“Đưa tay cho chị.”

Bạn xòe tay. Không chần chừ Medicine Pocket đặt bàn tay lên, bạn cởi găng tay anh cố gắng tìm kiếm một điểm bất thường, song tất cả mọi thứ đều ổn thỏa, nhiệt độ vẫn ổn định và hơi ấm từ da thịt anh khiến bạn cảm thấy sức nóng căn phòng cũng dần tăng lên. Bạn siết nhẹ tay anh, khi bạn ngẩng đầu lên vẫn chạm phải ánh mắt mơ màng ban nãy, bạn không nhịn nổi mà bật cười khúc khích phá vỡ khoảng lặng:

“Em có phải là chó không?”

Medicine im lặng vài giây, anh hết nhìn vào khuôn mặt bạn lại chuyển tầm mắt xuống năm ngón tay đang ôm trọn lấy bàn tay mình. Đôi lông mày anh nhíu lại đầy nghiền ngẫm, anh thực sự coi đó là một câu hỏi nghiêm túc, Medicine vuốt cằm khẽ thở dài trả lời không một chút hào hứng:

“Là chó thì không tốt sao?”

Lần này bạn không thể ngăn được mình cười thành tiếng, ôi trời suy nghĩ gì thế này, bạn đưa tay còn lại véo mũi Medicine. Theo bản năng, anh cáu kỉnh lườm bạn và lạnh lùng gạt tay bạn ra:

“Đừng có cười.”

“Tại sao em lại suy nghĩ như vậy?”

“Chị xem nếu là chó, mọi người chắc hẳn sẽ rất yêu quý tôi. Tôi cũng sẽ không phải tìm cách để làm hài lòng bất kì ai, chưa kể tôi sẽ rất dễ thương.”

“Em luôn dễ thương mà.”

Bạn vòng tay qua cổ Medicine, lần này anh không gạt ra, anh để bạn vùi mặt vào hõm cổ anh. Medicine Pocket không có mùi hương bạn thích, trái lại còn rất khó ngửi, nhưng bám dính lấy anh lâu đến nỗi mùi thuốc sát trùng và cao su sớm trở thành thứ không thể thiếu hàng ngày của bản thân.

Medicine thấy ngứa ngáy khi bạn thủ thỉ dưới vòm họng, anh có cảm nhận được hơi thở ấm áp của bạn dính vào da thịt mình, vô cùng phiền phức đến nỗi không thể dứt nổi.

“Sao thế, nhà khoa học đại tài nay lại để ý đến người khác nói gì sao?”

Mỗi khi bị bắt thóp chuyện gì, Medicine thường có xu hướng phản ứng dữ dội phủ nhận nó, nhưng nếu với bạn, anh chỉ đơn giản là im lặng, thờ ơ né tránh cái nhìn bạn. Lần này cũng vậy, bạn không nhận được câu trả lời của anh, bạn ngẩng đầu để kiếm tìm đôi mắt anh, nhưng Medicine nhìn bạn. Đó là ánh mắt chán chường và thừa nhận, đâu đó có chút hờn dỗi ra ý rằng sao bạn còn chưa nuông chiều, an ủi mau mau đi. “Không khác gì một con cún con quên được vuốt ve.” Đó là suy nghĩ nảy lên đầu tiên trong đầu bạn. Bạn dướn người, bàn tay ôm lấy khuôn mặt Medicine, nhẹ nhàng đặt những nụ hôn phớt lên má.

Medicine có vẻ vẫn chưa hài lòng lắm, mười đầu ngón tay của anh bao bọc lấy bàn tay bạn, lông mi cụp xuống hết sức thất thểu, anh định không nhìn vào mắt bạn song cuối cùng không cưỡng lại nổi. Medicine lí nhỉ những câu từ muốn chôn sâu dưới cuống họng:

“Chị có nghĩ như họ không?”

Mũi hai người chạm nhau, bạn mỉm cười:

“Đương nhiên là không, nếu nói chuyện với họ khiến em cảm thấy tệ như vậy thì cứ dẫm vào chân họ rồi bỏ đi.”

“Em chửi họ là đồ ngu?”

“Họ xứng đáng.”

Medicine Pocket thở dài một cái hết sức kịch tính. Sau đó, anh hôn bạn.

[rallamajoop]

Mia Winters in Shadows of Rose

I really did think I was done talking about (read: furiously defending) Mia Winters when I made all those other posts earlier this year. I’ve even touched on the misconceptions about her in Shadows of Rose before, at least in a reblog. But someone reblogged one of those posts recently with a comment that mentioned this particular aspect of the hate she gets in passing, and I had such a strong response to it (and for what is honestly in no way that poster’s fault) that I had to accept that maybe I wasn’t as done as I thought he was.

So there’s the idea in fandom that Mia voluntarily gave up her daughter to the government after RE8. It's bullshit and obviously so, but it's still going to take me another whole post to get into why seeing this ‘fact’ parroted about her annoys me so damn much.

Because this is not an outside take. I’ve seen people claim they didn’t have any particular opinion on Mia until this was the tipping point that pushed them into hating her. I’ve seen "sympathetic" takes on Mia which suggest that really it’s not her fault at all that she couldn’t love her own daughter, because [elaborate bullshit]. "Mia abandonned Rose at the first opportunity after RE8" is one of those takes that gets repeated ad nauseum.

First question: based on what, exactly?

No really, if there’s some obscure, mistranslated press release out there as the source, please, someone point me to it, because nothing in Shadows of Rose tells us anything of the sort.

Excluding Eveline’s horrifying Mia-puppets, the real Mia is mentioned all of twice in Shadows of Rose. The first mention comes when you find young Rose’s diary, which tells us that she found regular school a bit basic, because she’d already learned all that stuff with ‘Mommy’. So we can safely assume Rose was home-schooled by Mia for much of her childhood, though now Rose is attending a regular school. "Home schooled with enough care to put her ahead of her same-age peers" sure says "abandoned" to me!

The other mention of Mia is more ambiguous, and is easily missed, heard only if you read her letter about baking a cake for Rose’s half birthday in the Winters’ home sequence. After reading it, Rose sadly says, "I haven’t seen Mom in ages." Why she hasn’t seen her mother in so long isn’t explained (though she certainly sounds like she'd like to), nor do we have any idea how long ‘ages’ really is. It’s certainly enough to make the player wonder, but no answers are ever supplied, or even really hinted at.

And that’s it. That’s everything we’ve actually got on Mia’s place in Rose’s mid-teens life. I have played this DLC multiple times and poured through the game files ‒ trust me on this.

Unlike so many other bits of slander thrown at Mia’s feet, the idea that Mia ‘gave up her daughter to the government’ sometime after that first diary was written is at least theoretically possible, given the very little we know. But why the fuck do people treat it like it’s the only possibility? Do we really have so little imagination?

The only thing we can positively say about Mia in Shadows of Rose is that she’s not in it. Mia could be in a coma for all we know! She could be in prison! The government could’ve taken Rose from her against her will! She could be deep undercover in some criminal organisation who represent a real threat to her daughter! She could be in some mental institution after the stress of losing Ethan proved too much! Those experiments Miranda performed on her could’ve had horrifying long-term side effects! ALL of these things are at least as possible as ‘Mia gave her daughter up voluntarily’. And they’re all a whole fuckload more plausible.

Because lemme tell you what we actually know about Mia's relationship with her daughter. In fact, you know what, have a whole mini gallery of what we know.

Mia ‘nothing else matters as long as my family is together’ Winters – the woman who advanced on Chris demanding where is my husband? Where is my daughter? – who positively lights up when she sees her daughter safe at the end of RE8 ‒ the one with the whole photo album full of pictures documenting her pregnancy or where she's gazing happily at her newborn daughter… you’re telling me this woman would just give Rose up? Come on.

Even Shadows of Rose contributes to this take on Mia: to get that one line from Rose about not having seen her mother, you have to read the one document in the game written from Mia’s perspective, which is full of joy about making a cake for her daughter’s half-birthday celebration.

Heck, even the Baker Incident Report makes clear that Rose is the most important thing in Mia’s life. Mia loves Rose more than anything in every other part of this canon.

And someone still went, "Oh, well Rose hasn’t seen her in a while in SoR, and the government seems to have their sticky fingers in her life, so clearly Mia just gave her up"? And the rest of fandom has been repeating it ever since? What is wrong with people?

In fact, while we’re talking the adults in Rose’s life as of SoR, why on earth does Chris get a pass? The only thing we hear about his current ‘relationship’ with Rose, a girl who’s still in high school and hasn’t even begun learning to control her powers yet, is that he’s apparently pestering her to join his para-military squad. Her first assumption when a member of his squad comes to talk to her is that this is what it’s about. I mean, that’s objectively pretty fucked up.

In all seriousness here, I’m not trying to start some #cancelchrisredfield movement, because I really doubt those lines were written with the primary goal of establishing Rose’s relationship with Chris – they’re just clunky exposition. They’re here to let us know a) Chris is still working with his Dog Dog Squad, b) Kay, the guy we’ve just met, is a member, and c) Chris is aware that Rose’s powers are going to be a big deal – and presumably he’s still as weirdly intense about everything as he is in the rest of RE8. Rose does seem happier about Chris’s role in her life in her diary, where he seems to have pulled some strings to allow her to go to a regular school (but presumably even Chris draws the line at recruiting pre-teens, so that’s yet to start), so we've got some friendly interactions between them, but Chris seems no more involved in Rose's teen life than Mia is.

I don’t know how the RE8 writers did expect us to interpret the idea that Chris is apparently trying to recruit untrained under-18s to his team, but I’m sure with enough imagination, you can come up with some way to spin it that doesn’t paint him in a completely irredeemable light (maybe he just wants her involved in training and self-defence or something, or maybe it’d give him the power to tell other government departments with an interest in her to take a hike, who knows?) What really stands out to me, however, is that I don’t have to defend Chris over how his non-part in this DLC is so under-explained. So why the hell does Mia get both barrels, when we know even less about her current relationship with Rose than for Chris?

Oh wait, I know this one. It’s because she’s a woman, and we’ve already decided she’s a bad person. Any mother whose life doesn’t seem to revolve entirely around her sad daughter is obviously an irredeemable human being, amirite? [Insert table-flip here]

As I’ve said before, I’d really like for there to be a more interesting explanation for why we hear so little about Mia in Shadows of Rose. I would love for the reason to be that they’ve got big plans for Mia in RE9, and don’t want SoR to pre-emptively spoil whatever’s going to happen to her. I would kill for a whole game about Mia, starting way back before RE7 and filling in all those big holes in her story, before picking up again post RE8 and beyond. I’m realistic enough to realise that’s not likely, but gdi, I can dream. It’s certainly possible that one of the reasons we hear so little about her in Shadows of Rose is because the writers are trying to leave their options open, just in case.

But putting all my pipe dreams for RE9 aside, I'd bet good money the main reasons why Mia has so little presence in Shadows of Rose are thematic. The whole story depends on Rose feeling isolated and lonely as motivation for why she wants to be 'normal', before she finally decides it's worth giving that up for the chance to meet her Dad properly for the first time. That all hits a lot harder on a thematic level if we downplay the few positive relationships Rose does have in her life ‒ her mother included. I mean, you may as well ask why all the teachers in any Harry Potter novel are so useless most of the time: because it’s easier to tell the story they want to tell that way. Chris’ part in Rose’s life is almost certainly downplayed for the very same reasons (plus possibly some resistance to making fans face an incarnation of Chris who might well be in his 60s by whatever year this actually is).

So, yeah. Maybe Mia as-long-as-we're-together Winters did home school her beloved daughter all through her early years, and then one day just decided "y’know what, I’m done with this" and signed Rose over to the government without a second thought. God knows I’ve heard of worse cases of random character assassination from franchises I’ve trusted. And the moment Capcom actually gives us any reason to believe that’s the intent, I’m sure someone will let me know.

But in the meantime, Jesus Christ, people – this DLC is like three hours long, and it’s all on youtube – it is not hard to check this shit, c’mon.

[reggieswriter]

@a-t1r3d-b1s3xual, congratulations! You've been selected as the first person that's connected to a character of my choice!

Your character is The Black Brothers!

Regulus Black and why? :

You are similar to him a couple different ways but not confined to his character all the way.

The way you cope with some things. Instead of getting loud and shouting when hurt or using your fists you get quiet. Calculated. You use this to your advantage. Your quick tongue and witty mind are quiet but strong and when someone hurts you or crosses a line you may not tell them directly but you definitely ensure they know they fucked up. You don't let them get away with it. You show them through your words and not your actions.

Words of Affirmation. Your love language is through words. When clearly not hearing enough of the support and especially not seeing it hearing someone reassure you or even make a promise and follow through is big for you. You've learned people's words aren't always what they mean and that's fine but you also take people by their word more because of this. If someone says they'll do something you expect it to be done. This also applies to when you need support. Even if as little as someone says "I'm here for you." It means a lot. Even if you don't directly show it via actions you show this through your words. "Words have power." Is something you live by without even realizing it at times.

Sirius Black and why? :

Being Sirius Black is one thing but having these attributes is another.

You care deeply for the community you find. If you find the people you love and trust you care for these people. Caring and loving someone is a large difference and you realize that. The people you surround yourself with know you care for them deeply and trust them. Whether it be the larger things everyone notices or the smaller things you think no one notices. You care for these people and that means you fight for them. If someone you love is hurting you find a way to help no matter the means or yourself. This could be a positive attribute or a fatal flaw. Without realizing you make yourself out to be a tragic hero.

Your opinion matters and you know it. Sometimes you have days where you'll let people take the reigns. Perhaps even bite your tongue. But when someone oversteps or you feel an injustice has occurred you might the fire that paves the way for others to walk. You're strong when it comes to justice and equality. You will die on your hill. Especially if it affects your loved ones. You will fight until you die. Your opinions are clear and refreshing and you're always looking for a better solution.

It's so easy for you to care and love others yet you can't seem to find it in yourself to love yourself. The people you love know that you love them. In your own way you show it. Even with all of their flaws you love them. But when you look in the mirror you can't seem to love yourself and your flaws that make you, you. You tend to get stuck in your own head and curse yourself for making the smallest of mistakes. You won't admit this to anyone for fear of being selfish. You know it's not right but you can't find it in yourself to care anymore.

Both of them and why? :

"I love today!" "Let me sleep off my life."

Emotions are constantly high. Your emotions are always clear. They are strangely so straightforward that it's hard to make sense of them. Especially if you feel like you have no reason for that emotion. It's okay to feel. What's not okay is to make yourself feel bad for things you may or may not be able to control. We all have bad days and that includes you. Let yourself feel everything just don't allow it to swallow you whole until you feel nothing again.

A/N : Ilysmmm!! I told you I'd do this at some point and I'm coming for all of you! 💋. I specifically started with you because yours felt the most raw in the moment and honestly you were my first friend that I truly trusted! I love you so much and if you ever need anything don't be afraid to ask!

Tags : @aesthetic-writer18 , @n1xxi3 , @sweetest-thing-in-hell

[aois-amaterasu-painting]

MusiQ vol.13 - Aoi (August 2008)

葵 - the GazettE

Inner Landscapes

"It’s probably different from what you imagine…"

Shining a spotlight on Aoi not just as a member of the GazettE, but as an individual artist and human being—a perspective not easily discerned from his band persona.

THEME INTERVIEW - 1

"Friendship"

― Do you have many friends? "I think I have few."

― Has it always been that way? "Not really. Back in school, it felt like everyone was friends. I used to hang out in big groups. There were three middle schools in our area, but school or grade didn’t really matter. Since we’d known each other since we were little, we called each other by our first names instead of our last names."

― Do you still keep in touch with your school friends? "I do with some, but a lot of people have left Mie, and I’ve lost contact with some of them."

― What does 'friend' mean to you? "A friend is someone you don’t have to act polite around. I’m very considerate and sensitive, so a friendship where we can say things like, 'Aren’t you hungry? Let’s go grab a meal'. Friendship isn’t something you decide, like 'Let’s become friends.' It’s more like realizing one day that someone has always been there beside you."

― Are the band members different from friends? "It’s a bit different. With the members, sometimes I feel like I need to be considerate, and there are things that are hard to say. Sometimes I wonder, 'What do they think?' I think you shouldn’t let things get too casual. If you have a relationship where you just let things slide, it can affect the music… Also, it’s a little awkward. It’s hard for me to talk about a lot of things with the members."

― Do you have friends nearby now? "I don’t think there’s anyone in Tokyo I could truly call a friend."

― Isn’t that lonely? "It is. But I don’t really leave the house much. I can’t even go out to eat alone. During tours, I often just get food from convenience stores. When I go back to Mie, I meet up with my friends there. At home, I’m outgoing and go to various places. But in Tokyo, I can’t quite adapt. I hate crowds, and being a country boy at heart, I still struggle to get used to the city."

THEME INTERVIEW - 2

"Love"

― What are you like when you’re in love? "I’m considerate (laughs)."

― Men and women focus on different things when being considerate. What do you focus on? "Everything (laughs)."

― So, you must be very kind, then? "That’s why it’s exhausting. Honestly, I’m the kind of person who doesn’t want to do anything. I like to just relax and laze around."

― Then, would you prefer someone you don’t have to be considerate toward? "Not really. I think I’d end up being considerate with anyone. Maybe after 10 or 20 years together, it’d be different, but who knows?"

― Do you also pay attention to their emotional state, like asking, 'Are you okay?' "Ah, I do say things like that. Probably to the point of being annoying (laughs)."

― What do you look for in a woman? "I don’t want someone who expects too much from me. Like constantly saying 'Hey, hey!'—I’d rather not deal with that (laughs). I’d like her to keep some distance and not be too clingy. I’d like them to be able to live on their own strength (laughs)."

― So, you prefer independent women? "Yes, that’s definitely easier. Someone who isn’t working is already out of the question (laughs)."

― Not even working a part-time job? "I’d want her to work part-time at least four days a week (laughs). Since I’m often away, being attached all the time would be tiring. I think a person who’s independent, leaves me to my own space, and has her own opinions is attractive."

― Even if she’s a little strong-willed? "That’s totally fine. Though, if they’re outright combative, that’d be annoying (laughs)."

― You prefer someone who’s career-oriented? "Well, if they’re working six days a week, that’s a problem. If we can’t see each other at all, that’d be lonely, wouldn’t it?"

― (laughs) That’s tricky. "I’m waiting for someone like that (laughs)."

THEME INTERVIEW - 3

"Family"

― Can you tell us about your family structure? "My dad, mom, older sister, older brother, and me."

― Is there a big age gap between you and your older sister and brother? "Yes, there is. My sister is nine years older, and my brother is seven years older."

― What’s something you’re glad about being the youngest? "I’m not sure, but according to my sister and brother, my dad didn’t yell at me that much (laughs). 'Dad told you to at least go to high school, and you went, but when you quit after the first semester, he didn’t say anything.'"

― Were you raised surrounded by love? "Was I? I don’t know. Since there’s a big age gap, by the time I entered middle school, my sister wasn’t at home anymore, and my brother had already moved out. My dad was working away from home, so he only came back on weekends. I was mostly at home with just my mom."

― So, were you a mama’s boy? "Well, I don’t know. I love both my parents."

― Do you think you’ve been a good son to your parents? "No, I’d say I’m still mostly in the 'bad son' phase (laughs)."

― Do you call them sometimes? "I do. When there’s a final live in Tokyo, they come to stay at my place."

― Isn’t that a nice way to show gratitude? "Well, when they come over, food gets stocked up, so I think, 'Great!' (laughs)."

― Does your mom read the magazines you’re in? "Yes, she does. My parents’ house is crazy. When you open the front door, there’s Gazette stuff everywhere—posters, autographs, everything."

― Anything you’d like to say to your mom? "Mom, thank you for everything (laughs)."

― How do you think fans perceive you, Aoi? "Eh? I think i'm probably different from what they imagine. Fans probably think I'm very serious…"

― Are you very serious? "Yeah, well they might think I just sit in front of my PC all the time, making music. But no, no (laughs)."

― So it’s far from the truth? "Completely different (laughs). I guess it's because I only talk about that kind of stuff in interviews. Like, ‘I’m always making music’"

― But in reality? "In reality, I do sit in front of my PC, but I take a break every hour (laughs). I can’t keep my focus for long. I’ll suddenly go play darts and then think, ‘Let’s have some coffee.’"

― I get it. You want to take breaks constantly. "Exactly. I spend so much time on breaks that the day just flies by (laughs). Also, I don’t get started unless there’s a deadline looming. That hasn’t changed since the days of summer vacation homework."

― Like panicking on August 30th or 31st? "I really rush then. That’s why I often say I pull all-nighters, but that’s only when I’m pushing myself at the last minute. I’m making music now, but it’s hard to get started. So, I try to meditate sometimes."

― Really? "Well, it’s more like zoning out while watching TV (laughs). I’m always thinking about music. But unless I solidify the image in my mind first, I can’t start. If I don’t carefully plan it, things won’t fit together, and I hate that. If even one part feels lame, it really bothers me. I want to put out something I’m truly satisfied with. Maybe that’s why people think I’m serious.

― How do you unwind at home? "Basically, any time I’m not sitting at my PC (laughs). I used to work in the living room, but when I turned around and saw the bathroom or other distractions, it was hard to focus. So now I’ve moved all my equipment to a plain room near the front door."

― The bathroom is a distraction? "The bath is amazing, right? Don’t you feel refreshed? It’s great, but if I’m not careful, I’ll end up having a beer after my bath. And then it’s game over—I just go to bed. But I usually come up with songs in the bath."

― Then it’s an amazing space, isn’t it? "Yeah, but it has its risks too, so it’s a double-edged sword. But when I’m in the bath, I think that’s when I’m the most 'in the zone."

― In the zone? "In my mind, yeah. I’m not actually dancing in the bathroom. In my mind, I’m having an intense live performance. Of course, it’s for a new original song."

葵 - the GazettE

Inner Landscapes

"It’s probably different from what you imagine…"

Shining a spotlight on Aoi not just as a member of the GazettE, but as an individual artist and human being—a perspective not easily discerned from his band persona.

― Aoi, you have this laid-back, unique vibe that feels reminiscent of old-school rock musicians. "What, like I’m careless? (laughs)"

― No, no, that’s not what I meant. I heard you learned guitar from your older brother? "Yeah, that’s right. Back in his high school days, during his rebellious phase, my brother was in a band and played guitar. It looked like a lot of fun, so I wanted to join in, but he kicked me out (laughs). Instead, he gave me one guitar, a book with chords and lyrics in it, and said, 'Here, I'll lend you this. Go practice downstairs.' So I started practicing around middle school."

― What kind of songs were you practicing back then? "I practiced songs by X Japan using chords. But it was on a classical guitar, so it wasn't really rock at all (laughs). Then, after my brother graduated from high school, I asked him for his guitar, and that’s when I got my first electric guitar—but it was broken."

― Oh no, so no sound came out even when you connected it to an amp? "Yeah. I had saved up all my New Year’s money and had my dad take me to buy a small amp. I was so excited. But when I got home and there was no sound, I just started crying."

― (Laughs) That’s such a disappointment. "Totally. But from late elementary school to my third year of middle school, I was delivering newspapers. So in middle school, I saved up and bought my own electric guitar. It was the best thing ever! I was so happy that I even slept with the guitar. That time in my life was super busy. I’d deliver newspapers in the morning, go to school during the day, play baseball in the school club, and then practice guitar at night before going to bed. I didn’t even have time to do homework."

― It sounds like you didn’t have much motivation from the start. "Not at all. Kids are busy, you know? (laughs) But after I dropped out of high school, I stopped playing guitar. I wanted to become a professional musician, but my brother told me how tough the reality of it was. It kind of crushed my dream. My brother really loved music too, but he ended up working a normal job. So I thought, Yeah, that’s just how it goes."

― So you decided to take a different path. "Yeah, I was kind of aimlessly drifting along, and at the time, the older brother of a girl I was dating was into surfing."

― (Laughs) Another older brother. "Right. I can’t seem to do anything without someone else’s influence (laughs). But when I tried surfing, I was like, This is fun! Most people say they can’t stand on the board at first, but I was able to stand right away. I thought, I’ve got talent for this."

― Did you think, I’m going to be a pro surfer!? "Yeah, I was aiming for it. The word 'pro' just sounds cool, doesn’t it? Like being a professional baseball player or something."

― So you’ve always been drawn to careers in the spotlight? "Looks like it (laughs). I even entered surfing competitions. Actually, the first time I was featured in a magazine, it was in a surfing magazine (laughs)."

― How long were you into surfing? "About two or three years, I think. I had so much energy back then. I’d go to the ocean in the morning, take a nap at noon, head back to the ocean in the evening, and then work at night."

― Busy as ever. "Yeah, super busy. That was my life. But one night, I was watching a late-night TV show, and they featured an indie band. I got this idea in my head, like, I could do better than them. Once I thought that—well, here we are. In the end I decided, “Alright, I’m going to Tokyo”. Just like that (laughs)."

― But you weren’t even in a band at the time, right? "No, I wasn't. But I thought, If I go to Tokyo, I’ll figure it out somehow. That same day, I told my parents about it. Of course, I couldn’t just quit my job immediately, so I worked for another month, then said, Alright, I’m off. During that month, I practiced guitar like crazy."

― That’s pretty reckless. "Definitely reckless. Even I think I was stupid (laughs). Like, What was I even thinking?"

― But that’s the important part, isn’t it? "Sure, it worked out now, so it’s fine, but if it hadn’t, I’d just be a fool (laughs). So I arrived in Tokyo with no money, no place to stay, and I thought I might just take a live-in newspaper delivery job. But then an acquaintance said, My sister and her husband live in Tokyo—why don’t you stay with them for a while? I thought, This is too good to be true! (laughs). They even helped me find a job, and I worked part-time while putting together a band. One of the people I played with back then was actually the previous drummer of the GazettE."

― That kind of lifestyle must have contributed to that "rock" vibe you give off. "Now that I think about it, my parents were probably the most rock and roll part of the whole thing for letting me go to Tokyo (laughs). They gave me just enough money for a round trip, probably thinking I’d be back in no time. And then seven, eight years went by, and here we are (laughs)."

― What does your brother, the one who taught you guitar, say now that you’ve made it big with the GazettE? "He doesn’t say anything directly. But my brother’s wife showed me a video she secretly filmed, and in it, my brother was playing a cover of a GazettE song (laughs)."

― (laughs) The roles are reversed now. "I thought, "Big Bro, you're doing great!". Maybe you're a little better than me (laughs)"

― (laughs) So, how do you think the band members perceive you? "I’m not really sure. I don't really want to ask or know about it, to be honest. It would suck if they thought weird things about me, right?"

― (laughs) But you’re sensitive, so you must think about things like that. "I think about it a lot. (laughs). For some reason, Uruha seems a bit distant toward me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older or because we’re both guitarists. Of course, we talk a lot during the creative process, but outside of that, not so much. That bothers me a bit (laughs)."

― A curious sense of distance. "Yeah, like... in a group photo kind of way (laughs). But he’s still within reach, you know? Back in the day, we used to share hotel rooms on tour, and we’d talk a lot about what kind of sound we wanted to create. But now, we’re in separate rooms, and compared to then, we don’t talk as much. I feel a bit lonely (laughs)."

― You could just start a conversation. "But I wouldn’t know what to say (laughs). I see him chatting happily with everyone else, and I think, good for him (laughs). Just the other day, even though I felt awkward, I called him and asked, Hey, Uruha, how do you watch terrestrial digital broadcasts? And he replied, You should probably just ask someone at the electronics store about that (laughs)."

― (laughs) You're embarrassed.

"Well, I’m not gay or anything (laughs)."

― (laughs) I didn’t mean that at all. "Well, lately Uruha is the one I find myself thinking about the most in the GazettE."

― But listening to you talk, it seems like you’re shy. It’s as if you don’t want to be seen as too serious about it. "Shy—that’s a nice way to put it (laughs). There’s just something awkward about being with the members. When we’re doing music, we speak our minds, we get angry, we say whatever we need to. But outside of that, even saying, Let’s grab something to eat, feels hard to say. If they said no, it would hurt, wouldn’t it? I’d regret even asking... (laughs). So I usually invite the manager instead, but when he says no, I get annoyed (laughs). Like, You don’t have the right to say no to me! (laughs). Honestly, though, I’d love to eat with everyone and just talk. I guess this is what being shy is about."

― So that’s why you end up being alone? "Yeah. Maybe I don’t actually like being alone. It might just be that I don’t have a choice (laughs). Am I lonely?! Because of this, when this magazine is released, I’m thinking of secretly buying it and leaving it at the members’ houses (laughs)."

― (laughs) Got it. Lastly, the GazettE is currently working on new material, right? "Yeah, we’re really diving into it. When we worked on the last single, Guren, it was during a tour, but now we’re in an environment where we can fully concentrate, so the songs are really powerful. It’s not so much about the style of the music, though."

― Is it influenced by the energy you got from the tour? "Yeah, that’s part of it. The band is really in an aggressive mode right now. We’re sharp, you could say. So, if you’re not careful, you might get taken by surprise. If you underestimate us, you’ll get burned. Right now, we’re fired up. And if it turns out to be a ballad... Then, well... my bad (laughs).

― (laughs) "But honestly, I’m really excited right now. We’re putting everything we have into making these songs. Everyone’s gotten super dedicated, so I think there will be some intense clashes in the studio. At the very least, I’m planning to bring the heat."

― You’re usually so considerate, though. "When we’re creating, though, there’s no room for being considerate. If you compromise in music, then it’s over. I really believe that."

― Aoi, you also get various comments about the songs and phrases you come up with, right? "When I’m working on the basic elements, I take in feedback. But once the song moves to the next stage, I present it by saying, This is how the song is, and this is my vision. But especially with Uruha, I get nervous. If he says, Yeah, it’s good, it feels like I’ve won. I’ll do a little fist pump in my mind (laughs)."

― You’ve also got a live show at Fuji-Q Highland Conifer Forest on August 23rd, right? "Yeah, it’s our first outdoor live in two years, so I want it to feel a bit like a festival. Last time at Tokyo Big Sight, we had fireworks and food stalls, so this time, being at Fuji-Q, it’ll be a completely different atmosphere. We’re looking forward to it, and I’m sure you all are too, right?"

― So, better finish your homework early. "Yeah, that's right. If I don't finish it by the 30th, I probably won’t be able to show up at our live show properly (laughs)."

A band is nothing without live shows

What a rock band should be

~the GazettE~

Written by Hiroko Yamamoto

I hardly know anything about the GazettE's indie days. The only thing I remember is seeing them perform at an event when Shibuya’s O-WEST was still called ON AIR WEST. However, I vividly remember that time. It felt almost like a spell. Perhaps it was the atmosphere on stage, including the fanaticism of the fans, that gave me a sense of fear.

Although it’s not included in this interview, Aoi mentions that during the early tours, even when they went to Hokkaido, they didn’t have the budget to stay in hotels. He recalls sleeping in the car during the dead of winter and being warned by a police officer the next morning, "If you sleep here, you'll freeze to death." In the DVD, he also says that the GazettE is a band that took the long route. In an era where you can search anything with a cell phone or a computer, opting not to take shortcuts but instead relentlessly performing live across the country is, in my opinion, a lot more demanding than it would have been for bands active 20 or 30 years ago. After all, when you start drawing a crowd, temptations are everywhere.

When I asked during an interview for their single Guren why they continued to play so many live shows, their response was crystal clear: “Simply put, a band is all about performing live.”, “If you neglect that, it’s like denying everything.”, “If people don’t come to see us live, there’s no point.”, “Even interviews and photoshoots are ultimately connected to our live shows.” This stubborn and resolute attitude hasn’t changed at all, even as they enter their seventh year as a band. I believe that even when the GazettE celebrates their 10th or 20th anniversary, they will still give the same answer. They describe themselves as awkward, but perhaps they’ve always been focused on what truly matters, while eliminating anything they consider impure.

One result of that is their grand final shows at Osaka-jo Hall and the two-day performance at the Yoyogi National Gymnasium. The overwhelming, thunderous cheers they received were proof that their fans were thirsting for the GazettE. The heat and energy in the venue were so intense that the microphones set up for recording were nearly toppling over. In the midst of that incredible atmosphere, the GazettE stood tall, poised and composed. They played their music and exchanged energy with those who needed it. There was no pretension, nor any forced attempts at unification. Everything unnecessary was stripped away. What remained were songs and performances that stirred the soul—the essence of what a rock band should be. No matter how common downloads become, no matter how advanced technology gets and how perfectly crafted recorded music becomes, it will never compare to the immediacy and thrill of a live performance. The GazettE probably knew that long ago…

Review

Highly acclaimed! The writer's “post-interview” review.

葵 (the GazettE)

Aoi’s first solo interview. He had analyzed himself as a sensitive and thoughtful person, which was absolutely true. Although he was a little shy during the questions, he still made me laugh and was very attentive to the atmosphere of the conversation. Still, that doesn’t mean he came across like the “friendly older brother” type. The unique aura and sensuality of a true rock musician were unshaken throughout the interview—something that left a lasting impression. I knew about the GazettE’s fierce dedication to their music, where heated arguments are commonplace, but I was surprised to learn that in everyday conversation, Aoi finds it awkward to even say, “Wanna grab a meal?”(laughs). His shy side as a guitarist shines through, even as he sneakily sends messages (or pleas?) to his bandmates through the magazine.

―――――――――― ―――――――――― ――――――――――

Scans cr: The Archive Translation: ChatGPT

[katerinaaqu]

Okay so that people will not think that I am an unecessary hater here are some things that I actually liked or loved about Epic the Musical:

So everyone who knows me, I openly express my dislike on the changes of Epic the Musical (although as I say many times the music is really good, the production very passionate and I congratulate the creator for getting so much love despite the fact that I personally dislike his artistic choice on the matter)

However here's a small list of things that I actually liked very much about the musical (sorry if it gets long!)

The first two sagas:

Honestly the two sagas (Troy and Storm) were masterpieces not only song-wise but also plot-wise. The adaptation remained loose with many things being adapted for modern audiences but it was still generic to the Epic Cycle in general and Odyssey in particular. The pace of the plot was quick like the fall of Troy was, the heroes speak as if they are on the right ("tonight we shall make the Trojans pay") to encourage each other even though then the reality check falls on them. Amazing fast pace songs give their turn to a slow and dramatic one

Odysseus and Astyanax:

More specifically as a sequence on the above I really liked the way the myth was depicted and again very loosely adapted off Iliou Persis version which is the one version we know where Odysseus clearly kills the baby with his own hands by "throwing it off the walls". Even if generally I am more aligned with the version of the myth that has Neoptolemous doing it, the fact that we have the actual protagonist do the brutal act was a very good touch and I love it how he uses only that small and so under-analyzed concept and he created a very beautiful moral dilemma. The setting stone of "monster vs man" was a promising thing too (although I personally got disappointed at the actual execution of it because of the changes in storyline). The way that Odysseus knows it is the logical choice to kill the heir of Troy and it tears him apart inside is not just amazingly executed but also very much IC with Homer's Odysseus.

Full Speed Ahead:

No need for explanations here. The song was great, was keeping in touch with the original Odyssey, spirit of Odysseus on-point and the essence of it great! Although it was way too happy after the darkness of the "Just a Man" one can understand that the tension created should be released and somehow it did point out the coping mechanism of Odysseus at some parts of the Odyssey which also lead to many emotional breakdowns for Odysseus (ironically the most infamous was the one that got him to offend Poseidon in the first place)

Giving Eurylochus and Polites more lines:

Eurylochus is known for questioning the authority of Odysseus and Polites for being his best friend but in general we do not see too much of them in the Odyssey (especially Polites who only appears once as mentioned at Circe's island). Even if making Polites a bubbly token character to balance the whole emotional burden of the war was a bit too overused theme for me I didn't dislike it per se. And it was good that he plays a good balancing role there. Also generally speaking Eurylochus's character development was not bad either (daresay I liked his character development more than Epic!Odysseus! XD) because it starts from a strong but opinionated man to a basic arch-rival figure to the end part.

Which is why I was kinda disappointed that Polites was killed off at Polyphemus's cave because it seemed to me that he was there for the drama (even future scholiasts of the Odyssey do not think that Polites was in the cave at all yet alone killed in it) but again given that Polites is pretty much a clean slate character if that was like the major change of it I wouldn't necessarily mind it.

Warrior of the Mind:

The song was beautiful and it captured Athena's essence very well (minus the very much overused mind vs heart content of hers which is good that it was somehow rectified a bit with God Games given that Athena was never against emotions neither did she try to stop her champions from having them and she doesn't make separation of logic vs emotions. In fact she fires up emotions to her champions many times knowing what a helpful thing emotion is. I think he overplayed the fact that Athena encourages logic to make her "cold logic material" but that wasn't really my issue so much I mean it is just an over-used trope but it is not completely inaccurate).

It was interesting to connect the boar of Parnassus to Athena (which is again a common trope in greek mythology that gods send random tests for whoever is worthy) and how ellegedly Athena and Odysseus meet in this context. Again it has nothing to do with the original Odyssey and yet this loose adaptation of their meeting was an interesting interraction with a lot of potential and emotional connection. I also like how Athena appears more cold in her speech like "change from the way I designed you" or "don't disappoint me" which is basically a genuine trope of Athena's. Like every champion of hers that disappointed her (for example Tydeus) didn't really end up well! Which is a change I adored for the Musical adaptation

About 2.5/3 of "Remember Them"

Okay the part with the dialog with Athena had me cringing a bit but the rest of the song was a masterpiece. Odysseus saying that there is no time to bury or mourn but have time only to save themselves and remember their fallen friends afterwards is EXACTLY what Odysseus would say and encourage his men to work their backs on something to save themselves and get out of their nasty situation. Also the final 45 seconds of it with his name reveal was probably what hyped me and wanted to get into the musical in the first place (before I started disliking the changes) because it was EXACTLY how it would go down! Also the choice for Odysseus's name officially be revealed on that song was incredibly clever and very nicely chosen

So basically I would only remove the dialog with Athena there given how it just didn't do justice in my head to the extremely complicated situation that led to him revealing himself. I also felt that the line "let's grab the sheep and away we go" was a bit too hasty to show their escape given how much complicated it was but I also understand the way to keep the song going and that wouldn't be done by adding a dramatic angst in the middle. That would mean that there should be a song in-between with their escape and that the second half of "remember them" would turn into a reprise of some kind. So yeah I understand that.

How Much Longer:

That song was also amazing and again not an event that happens to Odyssey but something that perfectly aligns with the spirit of it. Having Eurylochus openly disagreeing here and Odysseus taking him to the side to talk to him, the way that Odysseus comes up with a crazy plan before to groppel upon the castle that floats in the sky etc. It was a great foreshadowing on the actual events that follow which again seem to align greatly with the Odyssey and the events of it even if that itself is not linked to the material itself.

Done For:

Again one more song that I hyped over was "Done For". Harmonies were perfect, the way that the two of them have a duet, which is something that doesn't happen before in order to signify their aligning was amazing and the way Odysseus acts like a cheeky bastard there was something I adored. (Of course got crushed with "Other Ways" hehehe but the build up till there was great. To be fair "Other Ways" till that freaking "I can't!" or the whole "seduce so you can kill him" theme which also kinda ruined it fo4 me, was also a masterpiece to me, like I mention to another post of mine it would be great if the song was to signify their intercourse). The song was a perfect adaptation of the homeric poem for modern audiences (for it doesn't include everything like Odysseus drinking the potion, Circe being terrified and in wonder that her spell doesn't work on him etc) and it keeps the essential part of their interraction making it into a great choreography (with the exceptions of the "I have to protect my nymphs!" thing but again if that was the only change they made on it I wouldn't mind it so much at all in fact it is interesting that the nymph servants of the goddess mentioned in the Odyssey make a cameo here. Would i have liked that we wouldn't get a toned down Circe and instead we got her in her gray glory? Absolutely. But like I said if that was the only thing added here i wouldn't have minded it so much. Unfortunately though it was the whole Circe misadventure that was changed so yeah for me it was potential lost but i hyped at Done For).

Chorus of the Underworld:

Like you know I am one of the exceptions that wasn't impressed by the Underworld Saga and found it brushed off however the idea to add the dead men singing and bringing more guilt to Odysseus was an idea I knew Jorge would go with and he did and it was interesting. Not only the melody of that part was really beautiful and haunting but also the impact was great (I will just choose to ignore the part of "ruthlessness is mercy" and the "klling of cyclops" because of thesame reason that I didn't like the dialog between Athena and Odysseus before the revelation of his name). I also liked the parts of Odysseus's solos but for the rest of it again I think it would be more impactful to me if the original plot was followed more faithfully.

Tiresias song was good, very good actually, as a song but as I mentioned to another post of mine, too vague, too not answering anything.

The rest felt scrapped off. I would love to see at least one or two of the interractions of Odysseus with the dead especially his mother because as I mentioned before it is of outmost importance that Odysseus knew beyond doubt that his mother didn't just die waiting, she died BECAUSE she was waiting. And that has a big difference for me. But again that is just my opinion.

Aphrodite speaking of other types of love:

Gods Games is just a not for me for many reasons but the detail of Aphrodite mentioning a mother's love intead of romantic love was a great touch and amazingly changed from the usual reoccuring pattern of romantic love or passion. It was good that her arguement was based on a mother's love and pain and ironically Aphrodite herself is a mother who has children to protect

The final part of Love in Paradise:

The rest of the song was ak-ok for me (and thank the old gods and the new that at least THIS experience of Odysseus was kept faithful to the original up to one point. I mean the sexual abuse is not touched there directly but given the leap of time and the condition Odysseus is to the final part one can expect that it did happen maybe? I am talkng only on the perspective of the listener since I do not know the background info on it). In my mind it happens and the song just dodges to addrsss it like it happened before but as I said that is only me hearing THIS specific song not any other around it or the background info of it.

But the final part where Odysseus stands at the edge ready to throw himself at the sea to his death is definitely having me "FUCKING FINALLY!" and be so happy that they kept that dark theme at least! Because I simply loved that essence of the myth in the Odyssey and it was something I can absolutely see happening myself and contemplating it as a scene when reading the Odyssey; how Odysseus might possibly make more than one attempt against his life and Calypso stopping him somehow.

The rest of the song was okay as I said before and thankfully it was touching the homeric thing (I lso liked how Jorge chose to get there by having us hear the small portions of other songs as Athena "scans" although as I said the chole concept of "my goodbye" or something just didn't align to me) but the choice was really good but as I said before it was the final part that truly got me! With the final prayer to Athena which again would be something I would SO imagine myself Odysseus would do! In fact I myself imagining him doing it many times over!

That part was probably my favorite so far and is just a few seconds! Which again makes me wish more things were like that...

~*~*~*~

Anyways I believe that concludes it so far. Generally as you know I am not a fan and no I do not have problem seeing this as "different media" or "loose adaptation" or "retelling" or whatever. It just is not my cup of tea and I it doesn't need to be (and the fact that it is so changed beyond recognition of the original is what makes me think of it of yet another average "loosely based on" holywood film material and we have had enough f those already in my opinion of course). I still adore the harmonies the music the singers and such are amazing and the passion is apparent

Is just that I just cannot stand the butchering of the story to the point of literally being easy to replace the characters names and still with the proper background buildup the story can still be told! Because it is not the Odyssey anymore.

HOWEVER

No one said that I disliked every single bit of it. This is a small sample of things that I liked and a small reasoning why. I hope that helps