#like that was such an insane intense feeling of shock and joy and literal screaming

[skateboardtotheheart]

all the girlies want to be able to re-live the moment when buck kissed a boy for the first time

[disgruntledspacedad]

in defense of Din’s subdued reaction to losing the kid...

gif by @quantam-widow

I know we were all thinking it. We got a 2 second reaction shot to the destruction of the Razor Crest (may she forever rest in peace), but then, Grogu gets taken, and... nothing?

What the fuck, Din? we all protest. That’s your baby on that ship! Don’t you care? Scream, curse, kick a rock, cry, make a fist, something!!

I will acknowledge that so far, the show has been excellent with giving us emotional payoff, am I right? I mean, just today we got Din laughing, twice. Twice in a row. I honestly never thought we’d see that. There have been so many excellent, precious soft!Din moments this season, and they all feel deliciously earned.

So, from a meta POV, I guess I’m saying that I have faith in the writers to get it right, and in Pedro to deliver. Duh.

In universe, though, I think it’s fair to point out the obvious - that Din is a pretty reserved guy. He’s much more of a thinker than a feeler. He’s used to keeping things bottled up, and I would even argue that his life often depends on his ability to dissociate from his emotions. Din’s entire journey so far has been about how one little baby yodito shakes his worldview to its very foundations. He’s getting there, but it’s a slow process. 

And also, consider this - we haven’t seen Din alone yet, not since Grogu was taken. For a guy who lives a guarded life literally encased in fucking armor, any display of emotion is going to be carefully protected until he’s in private.

But anyway, Din is detached, rational, a little emotionally constipated, and definitely comfortable in a stressful situation. A true ISTP if you ask me (yeah, I know you didn’t, but whatever). Often, it seems that these cool headed, logical types who have never ruffled a feather over anything in their lives are the least adept at handling genuine fear. In other words, when panic does strike, it strikes them hard. 

And guys, Din was definitely panicking during this episode. 

He’s clearly unsettled from the jump - that outburst of “dank farrik!” in the cockpit sells it, and his distress only becomes more obvious from there. Talking out loud, trying to convince himself that the best thing for Grogu is for him to be trained as a Jedi. Reminding himself of the creed. His overt caution as they approach the seeing stone. His impatience, “Are you seeing anything??”

Then there’s the effects of long term stress. Sure, a bounty hunter in the outer rim doesn’t exactly live an easy life, but Din is definitely used to the drama being on his terms. Compare Din’s body language in the opening scene of season one to when Boba confronts him in chapter fourteen. You can just feel the anxiety, the weariness, the frustration. Din has been on the run for months now, constantly looking over his shoulder, sleeping with one eye open. Notice how he even startles at Fennec’s voice? Season one Din would never have given that much away, regardless of the situation. Long term stress has clearly taken a toll on him.

So we have unsettled, stressed out Din in an emotionally charged situation. He’s exhausted, he’s scared, he’s desperate. This scenario is a recipe for even the most level-headed of adrenaline junkies to loose their cool, and that’s exactly what happens to Din. He panics, and he makes some pretty big fuckups because of it. Leaving Grogu unprotected, twice. Trying three different times to break through that “force field,” even when he knew he couldn’t. Dropping that jetpack and then just forgetting about it (I know we were all screaming about that one, or at least, I was).

So, fear is a positive feedback loop. Those neurotransmitters that do us good in a bad situation - raising heart rate, narrowing focus, shunting blood to the muscles - can also be detrimental if we get too high of a dose - tachypnea and tachycardia, inability to think critically and see the big picture, lack of blood and oxygen to the brain. Epinephrine, in particular, even inhibits the laying down of new memory pathways. In other words, stress leads to poor performance, and poor performance leads to more stress, which leads to... you get the idea.

Then, in the middle of all this chaos, they fucking blast the Razor Crest.

More epinephrine, more cortisol, more stress. 

By the end of it all, Din is a fucking shitstorm of stress hormones and pent up emotions. Notice how he seems to be on autopilot in the immediate aftermath, robotically scanning the ashes of the Crest for anything that might be left intact. Notice how empty his voice is when he says, “the child is gone.” This is a dead man walking. Din has nothing left. His whole life has just gone up in smoke, and he can do nothing about it. 

Guys, Din is holding onto his sanity by a fucking thread in this scene. “The child is gone,” he says, like he’s reminding himself, grounding himself in his shitty reality. He’s stunned. 

And helpless. There’s literally nothing he can do for Grogu. He has no ship, no credits, no resources, nothing to bargain with, nothing to offer. Din literally cannot allow himself the luxury of feelings right now. He’s just got to focus on surviving this very shitty day.

Then, Boba Fett upholds his end of the deal, and suddenly, Din has something to hold onto. An ally, a badass friend, some hope. I don’t think Boba shows Din that chain code in order to verify his claim on the armor - he’s already wearing it, for godssake. I think Boba shows him the code in order to catch Din’s attention - hey friend, I know you’re hurting, but I’m a man of my word. When I make a vow, I keep it. Let’s regroup and go find your kid.

And Din would totally latch onto that. A fighting chance? Din fucking leaps at it. There’s a job to do. A kid to save. All of those stress hormones are going to keep on stewing, because Din has never really come down from his adrenaline high. 

It’s like this in real life, too. There isn’t time to be afraid. There isn’t time to be sad, or second-guess, or say, oh how terrible, or wonder what if it doesn’t work? There’s just you and the job, and if you are the only thing standing between life and death, you will put everything else aside and do what you have to do, for as long as you have to do it.

And that’s where Din is at this moment. He’s running on the fumes of his adrenaline, all tempered focus, all strategy and no bullshit.

Emotional shock, my therapist buddy calls it. Apparently, it’s normal. Expected, even.

But guys, the fallout of this kind of crazy ass adrenaline high is insanely intense. I’m talking collapse to the floor, legs won't hold you, trembling, crying so hard you sling snot, shuddering breaths, stare dead-eyed and spent at the ceiling because you’re just too wiped out to even sleep kind of intense. 

And then, after the breakdown comes the angst. The detailed thinking. The oh god, what if this had happened, or, should I have done that instead? It seems like every emotion that gets put on the back burner in the moment comes back to bite you with twofold intensity when all is said and done. 

In other words, Din is definitely going to feels some things .A lot of very intense things. A reckoning is coming, my dudes. Trust me. It’s just not quite here yet.

That being said, here’s what I can expect from Din going forward:

Just like he’s is slow to acknowledge his growing parental feelings for Grogu, I think Din’s going to be slow at processing his grief at Grogu’s loss. In the next episode, he’s got plenty to distract him - getting together his hit team to take back the kid and coordinating an attack on the empire. 

However, I do think we’ll get a slow moment with Din, probably sometime at the beginning of next week’s episode if the pattern holds. I doubt it’s the full-blown breakdown that we’re all needing, but I’m willing to bet money that we’ll see Din grappling with the fact that his kid is gone. I also think that badass beskar murder machine Din from chapter three will resurface. Stress and desperation make us do irrational things, and anger is one of the stages of grief that Din will inevitably have to work through (I think he’s flickering between denial and bargaining for now).

But then, after Din gets Grogu back? I think that’s we’ll have our big, dearly earned emotional payoff. 

For one thing, Din won’t be able to deny his feelings anymore. He wants to keep this kid, it’s so very obvious. Losing him just forces it all to the forefront. 

And then the relief/joy/regret/guilt that Din is going to feel once he’s got Grogu back? Not to mention the physical exhaustion? All of the fear/terror/angst/grief that he ignored in favor of just going pedal to the metal, guns blazing, get the kid or die trying? That shit’s going to crash into him with all the subtly of a fucking tsunami. I guarantee you, we’re going to get some sort of confession, or adoption vow, or face revel, or other sort of profound softness from Dad!Din in the falling action of this season (At least, I hope we get it at the end this season but I wouldn’t put it past them to kick it into the premier of season three, just for pacing reasons, but then again, I obviously have trust issues).

Personally, I would love to see Din grappling with the long-term fallout of losing Grogu - night terrors, guilt, paranoia, etc. That’s probably the stuff of fanfiction - mandalorians don't have nightmares on screen, surely - but still, some lingering effects Grogu’s kidnapping would be realistic, and I would absolutely live for it.

[rae-writes]

You and me, Me and you

Kite x reader

warnings : mentions of nsfw, mentions of death, slight angst

word count : 2.k

Authors note : I have a problem with commas, despite being a straight A student in my English classes, I still forget where I should and should not put a comma so please don’t mind if they’re in the wrong spot.

You met Kite when you were quite young. You were thrown out on the streets at an early age and had just been caught stealing. They would’ve beaten you if Kite hadn’t saved you, swooping down from the rooftops and distracting them. 

“GO!” the boy in blue yelled. He looked a few years older with long, snowy white hair that went down to his waist and a cap that helped cover his eyes. That’s all you saw about him though, as you quickly turned and followed his order. The mysterious boy followed, eventually passing you as you both ran from the townsfolk. 

You stopped a ways away, breathing heavily. “T-Thank you. My name is Y/n.”

The boy glanced down, seeming hesitant to tell you who he was. After a bit of catching your breaths, however, he spoke up, “Kite. My name is Kite.”  He continued to observe you before giving you an offer, “Would you...like to come stay with me? You don’t seem very good at being able to live on the streets.” 

Your eyes sparkled, “Really? You’d let me? I was thrown out not too long ago...so I don’t know much.” 

Kite nodded, motioning for you to follow him. You walked for a while before coming up to an opening. Upon entering, you noticed it was a sewer, which didn’t seem to be that bad. After a few more turns, you came to a dead end where two or three animals were laying around a small spot on the floor with some dirty blankets piled up. 

A grin broke out onto your face, “This is so cool!” In return, Kite himself gave you a small smile. 

“This is where I stay and now that you’ll be staying too, no one can know about this place alright? From now on it’s just you and me.” 

You looked up at your savior and smiled a big, bright smile, “Me and you!”

----

After a few years of living together, someone was waiting for you and Kite when you got back from getting food that day. The man introduced himself as Ging Freecss, a pro hunter. Kite had started pestering the man to teach him to be one, and after a while you did too. Ging eventually agreed, although you weren’t his “Official” students or anything. Soon, it was time for you to take the hunter exam. 

“I’m so nervous, Kite!” 

Said boy rolled his eyes at you, “It’ll be fine Y/n. We were trained by one of the best hunters in the world. We got this.” Kite stopped walking when he noticed you weren’t following, stepping back to stand next to you again. 

“I know, it’s just...what if you pass and I don’t? I don’t...I don’t wanna be left behind.” Your voice wavered as you looked down to hide the tears that were forming. “I feel like I just found you and I don’t wanna lose you.” 

A hand came down on your shoulder, “You won’t lose me.” Before you knew it you were pulled into a warm, brief hug. Looking up, you saw Kite give you a confident smile, “It’s you and me, remember?” 

You nodded, smiling back at your best friend, “Me and you.”

----

You both, not surprisingly, passed the exam with flying colors. You were very excited to relax and celebrate a little, but your mentor had different ideas. Your and Kite’s next “official” hunter task was to find Ging. He gave the two of you his hunter’s license and set off to go “hide”. 

“Find one of the world’s best hunters? Is he insane?!” You were, to put it simply, not happy. You and Kite had just passed the hunter exam, which took a month or two, and now you were being forced to play hide and seek? Seriously? 

“We’ll find him, Y/n.” Kite was rummaging through your guys’ stuff, getting ready for the hard journey ahead of you. 

“We will? In case you haven’t realized, he’s literally-” 

“One of the best hunters in the world. Yes, I know. Which is exactly why we’re gonna find him.” He stood, walking over to grab your hand, “You and me.” 

You sighed, but smiled nonetheless, “Me and you.” 

----

After a few months of hard work and sleepless nights, you and Kite had located Ging. The trip wasn’t in vain as you’d thought it’d be, as you had met a lot of friends along the way. There wasn’t anything you really needed to do after hunting down your former mentor, so the two of you finally had time to relax and celebrate how far you’d gotten. 

“Well Kite, you were right. We did it.” You were impressed with yourself, even more so with Kite. You never thought as a kid this is where you’d be, but you weren’t complaining. 

“Y/n.”

You blinked, looking over at Kite in confusion at his sudden serious tone. “Kite?”

He stood to his full height, walking over to you and holding his hand out. As soon as you grabbed it, Kite pulled you in close, to the point where you could feel his breath fanning on your face. “Y/n...I never thought I’d have someone to care about until you came along. These past years have been amazing to say the least so...I uh...would you be my girlfriend?” 

You stared at him in shock, noting his pink tinted cheeks and downcast eyes. He was just about to pull away from you when you grabbed the sides of his face, “Kite…” His eyes shot up to yours and you smiled, tearing up slightly. “Of course I’ll be your girlfriend.” 

Kite’s eyes widened, before he brought you into a kiss. It was kinda messy and definitely inexperienced, but you loved it. This is what you’ve wanted for years, although much to your dismay, he pulled away and leaned in to rest his forehead on yours. 

“You and me.” He nuzzled your noses together, going in to brush his lips against yours.

You brought him in for another kiss, “Me and you.” 

----

The night Kite made love to you was beautiful. The area was surrounded by trees with a crystal clear pond in the middle, sparkling due to the starry sky. It was unlike anything you’d ever experienced. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” 

Carding your hands through his long hair, you smiled, “I’ve never wanted anything more than this.” The pure love that shone through the smile Kite gave you was heart melting. He gently pushed you backwards, laying you down on the soft forest floor. 

Kite leaned in, brushing his lips against yours, looking in your eyes with an abundance of emotion. His touch was soft, gentle as the two of you undressed each other in the light of the moon. It gave the impression that Kite was glowing, his beautiful white hair and pale skin sparkling in an ethereal way. 

“You and me.” Kite’s gaze was intense, something you wanted to get closer to and shy away from at the same time. The way he was making sure you really wanted this almost brought tears to your eyes. 

You’ve never loved anyone more than you loved the man on top of you. “Me and you.” 

----

You and Kite had really always been together, you couldn’t even remember the days before you met him anymore. So while this didn’t come as a surprise to anyone that knew the two of you, it still made you shocked and overjoyed. 

“Y/n,” 

You’re heart rate accelerated at nearly an alarming speed.

“We have been together for as long as I can remember and it’s always been the two of us. Maybe that’s why this won’t mean anything to a lot of people but it means something to me. So would you, Y/n L/n,” Kite looked up from his position on the ground, pulling out a glittering silver band, “Marry me?” 

You couldn’t fight the smile that overtook your face, immediately dropping down to be eye level with your Fiance. “Yes!” You weren’t able to say anything else as Kite basically launched himself into your embrace, the two of you falling to the ground while laughing happily. 

Kite pulled himself off of you, “I know it’s not much but…” he flashed the inside of the ring to you. Engraved on the side was ‘You and me, Me and you.’ 

Tears sprang, and you choked out a laugh. “Kite, it’s perfect. You’re perfect.” Wrapping your arms around his neck, you laughed, whether in disbelief that you had gotten so lucky or in pure joy you couldn’t decide. 

He pulled back, grabbing your left hand and sliding the ring on. “I was gonna wear mine but I figured you would want to put it on me.” Kite pulled out an exact copy of yours, engraving and all, just a little bigger. “You and me.”

Your face was starting to hurt from all the smiling you were doing as you gently took his ring and put it on his left hand. “Me and you.” 

----

Tragedies are a given in life, you just weren’t expecting one to happen so soon. The Chimera Ant came out of nowhere, Kite taking the blow as he tried to protect the three of you. Your entire world had stopped and you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

The single, torn off arm laying on the grass would haunt you for the rest of your life. Time slowed as you looked back to Kite and the thing standing next to him. Anger and blood lust engulfed you, both your and Gon’s nen spiking in rage. 

Killua knocked Gon clean out, which made you falter in your movements. 

“A wise decision Killua,” 

your eyes snapped to Kite, 

“Now take Gon and get outta here!” 

Killua turned and ran but you stayed rooted to the floor as Kite summoned crazy slots. You couldn’t leave Kite, you wouldn’t. However when his gaze locked onto yours, you swear you heard him say something. 

“You and me.” 

You choked on the air you were breathing as tears started running down your face, shaking your head violently. Number 2 was picked and his scythe materialized. His eyes told what more he couldn’t say and you felt your heart shatter. 

“Me and you.” You turned and ran, sobbing as you quickly caught up with Killua and grabbed both him and Gon. You didn’t let go of the boys or stop running until you reached the checkpoint entry of the NGL. 

After a few hunters arrived, you set off without a word, going back to the spot you had regrettably left Kite. When you arrived, nothing was there. Not even his arm. That gave you a shred of hope but the dread in your stomach wouldn’t disappear, even as you screamed out in pure despair, “KITE!” 

----

You, Gon, and Killua were taken to the place they were holding Kite. Shoot and Knuckle had found him a couple days ago, however, the three of you had to wait and were watched to determine if you could handle seeing him. Shoot released Kite from his nen cage and Gon was the first one to walk forward, getting slapped around by what looked like Kite but you knew it really wasn’t.  

Gon had left the room, his promise of fixing the man in front of you lingering in the air. It felt like you were paralyzed, stuck having to watch the man you loved stumble around like a puppet. 

“Y/n...”

“Leave.”

“But-”

“I said LEAVE!” 

Everyone filed out of the room at your request and as soon as the door shut, you broke down into sobs. What did they do to your love? You glanced up at Kite, pondering how you could get close to him without making him attack you. 

“Kite…” you forced your nen to grab a hold of him and walked forward. “Kite.” 

He started thrashing, growling at you but unable to move as your nen kept him in place. With the way he was now, you were at eye level as you reached your arms up and wrapped them around his neck. Miraculously, he stopped trying to attack as you nuzzled your cheek against his. 

“I swear, I will help Gon fix you. We still haven’t gotten married, you know. You’re...you’re still too young to go, we have our whole lives ahead of us.” You pulled away, grabbing his face, “We will fix you. I will fix you.” Leaning up, you kissed his forehead and backed away. 

Kite started thrashing around once more as you headed toward the door. 

“You and me, Me and you.” you released your nen and shut the door, hearing Kite trying to knock it down. You would fix him. Even if it killed you. 

----

It felt like years, but really it had only been around 30 minutes. You and Gon were running towards the place Kite was being held, with Pitou running in between. Again, it felt like years before you reached the large building and made your way down to Kite. What happened next made you wish you never came at all. 

“This man...This man is dead. He died in our fight.” 

There was a sharp ringing sound in your ears, and your throat closed up on its own. You watched as Kite swayed from side to side before falling to the ground face first. You heard a scream and perhaps it was yours but you paid no mind as everything started to blur. Not long after, Gon dropped to the floor.

“Kite is...dead?”

You nearly dropped as well, stumbling towards your lover and pulling him in your arms. There were no sounds as you sat with Kite draping over your lap, his head resting on your chest. Your body could not even produce the means to sob and cry out, everything was just numb. You didn’t notice when Gon and Pitou left, you stayed rooted to your spot on the floor while subconsciously rocking Kite back and forth with your body.

“Kite...it was supposed to be Me and you, remember?”

----

When Morel busted through your hospital room, saying that Kite was alive you thought you’d finally gone crazy. After his explanation though, you realized that you hadn’t lost Kite after all, even if he was in a girl’s body now. So after Gon recovered, you followed along with him to where Kite was staying. 

Gon motioned for you to go visit Kite first, so you let Spinner lead you to the room where he was in. 

“Kite? Someone’s here to see you.”

“Send them in.” His voice was higher than it had been, but still kept the rich sounding tone.

You quietly walked in, noting his back was turned toward you. He stood, maybe too soon for your liking, and turned. 

Kite now had pinkish red hair, with purple eyes and freckles. He was also...shorter? Your lips curled up, a small laugh coming from you. 

“What’s so funny, Y/n?”

You faltered at the mention of your name, finally looking into Kite’s eyes. “I’m taller now.” 

That made his lips curl up as well, “That’s what you’re worried about?” The laugh that followed was eerily familiar. 

You couldn’t stop the tears that started streaming down your face. Kite was actually here. Alive and in front of you. So why couldn’t you move?

“I know it’s weird. I look different and well...I am in a girl’s body now. But I...I hope that doesn’t make you run away from me.”

You glared, although your heart wasn’t really into it. “Seriously? We’ve been through everything together and you think I’m gonna run away just because your shape is different?” Your body moved on it’s own, wrapping your arms around Kite’s waist and lifting him up. “Idiot.” 

His laugh this time made your heart melt as you gently set him back down. The hand that caressed your features were so familiar yet so different at the same time. “You and me.” 

You smiled, fishing out Kite’s silver band from your pocket and presenting it to him, jokingly dropping down on one knee. “Me and you.” 

[calicoimagines]

SDC with a Strong S/O

Anonymous said: 

HCs for the SD crusaders? Maybe their first reactions towards a stand user reader who was able to make enemy users quiver in fear cause' apparently they have a pretty strong stand, maybe a bit stronger than SP, plz and thank u ^^ Of course lovely! So sorry for the hiatus, my mother went to the hospital, I got a job and things have just been a bit crazy haha-

Jotaro Kujo

Holy shit? 

He’s blown away but doesn’t show it, the most you’ll get his a raise of the eyebrows or his eyes widening. That is if he doesn’t pull his hat down and mutter his classic line

Once the original shock is over he’ll give you a small nod to show his encouragement to scare the enemy even more 

Whenever he sees an enemy with you around he can’t help but smirk, almost giddy to see their egos shatter at a sheer look at you

You two are unstoppable together, a total power couple coming to kick your ass

No one dares to approach you two anymore

Noriyaki Kakyoin

At first he can’t help the sudden surge of emotions in his gut, you were so talented and strong. 

He was amazed, but a little bit of him was jealous. You were perfect in every way, and that sheer power? It made him feel inferior

You could have anyone you wanted but you chose him? It was such an intense mix of confusion and pride

After his small breakdown breakdown he was able to completely focus on his amazement at your abilities

You and him will come up with simple strategies just to have fun with your enemies reactions

He corners the enemy and then you pop out of no where? The poor villain’s life is flashing before their eyes

Jean Pierre Polnareff

He’s your number one fan, he is literally screaming- please he needs to stop-

There are no thoughts of jealousy in his mind, all he can think of is how he can’t believe you’re all his

He probably has challenged you a few times only to claim he was going easy on you after his loss. No matter how many times you fight he isn’t giving up. Gotta give him points for being so determined I suppose

“Nah mon chéri/chérie I’m going easy on you, I don’t want to hurt you!”

Polnareff is not helping the enemies case when he’s yelling about ‘giving them hell’ or ‘crushing their balls’ 

They aren’t getting out of the hospital for a longgggg time, and if you’re lucky he’ll suggest to visit them only to taunt or scare them

Muhammad Avdol

Mad respect right here

He doesn’t dawdle on the fact that you’re insanely strong, he’ll occasionally praise you on it though

He’s big on self improvement, he believes that limits are just something to overcome. He wants to see you get even better, it brings him joy to see you become stronger with or without his help

Of course he wouldn’t push you if you weren’t comfortable with it or were stressed, he loves you as you not for how strong you are

Avdol will probably suggest that you go a bit easy on your enemy, that doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate humorous situations though. I mean this is the man that pissed in a guy’s breathing hole so

Joseph Joestar

Literally the most supportive bf ever

Okay maybe he’s a bit jealous that you get to have a cool powerful stand while he can punch a camera and see a naked man

...

Okay really jealous like what the fuck he saved the world why did this happen to him, sometimes you’ll get a slightly snarky compliment like “woah your stand is cool, wish mine was better huh?”

It’s okay he still loves you, he’ll just impress you with hamon, he may be older but he will do literally anything for your praise-

He’ll get a picture of the enemy so you can casually walk over to them and act like you don’t know them. Just watch them silently shit their pants in fear 

[tuff-and-fluff-archives]

Okay I am hyperfixating HARD on Tom and Jerry and all my emotions from childhood have FLOODED forth, so now that I’ve finished watching (almost) all 161 original theatrical Tom and Jerry shorts from 1940 to 1967, I would like to force you all to endure my insane ramblings about this franchise. Although before I begin, I’d like to share where I’ve been watching all these! Here’s a Dailymotion playlist of all 161 shorts, put into the correct order by yours truly :3 OKAY NOW THE INSANITY BEGINS 💖💖💖

1) The Messy Formative Years: Shorts 001-017 (1940-1944)

So obviously, when a series is first created, especially an animated series, the first few episodes will always be a bit odd as the directors and writers find their footing and establish the rules of their own universe, and Tom and Jerry is no exception! In fact, these episodes can be a bit weird and even jarring to watch because the designs of the titular characters are so drastically different from how they look even ten years afterwards. In fact, in the very first episode, they don’t even have their official names yet and are instead named “Jasper and Jinx.” Also, there’s a LOT of talking in these beginning shorts before they decided to make Tom and Jerry almost entirely mute. Shorts 010 and 013 stand out the most, as they feature characters regularly speaking full sentences and it’s just... ohhh it’s SO weird to watch and it feels almost wrong 😅 Of course that’s not to say these shorts are bad, far from it actually! They’re still super fun and fascinating to watch and I think it’s quite interesting to see how such an iconic franchise got its start!

2) The Golden Years: Shorts 018-097 (1945-1955)

Oh. My. GOD. THESE ARE THE ABSOLUTE BEST. I guarantee that when you just think about Tom and Jerry, THESE are the shorts that come to mind. By now William Hanna & Joseph Barbara fully had their formula down and were just pumping out hit after hit afTER HIT HHHHH I LOVE THESE SO MUCH. I’m not kidding when I say that these shorts still make me laugh really hard and I absolutely adore nearly every aspect of them: the fluid and extremely expressive animation, the excellently timed music paired with each short, and the humor that’s constant and lands almost every time. My absolute favorite ones are around 040-080 but really all of these are just sooooo good. I know that this is stating the obvious but one thing that I especially love is just how VIOLENT these cartoons are, even more than the Looney Tunes shorts that were coming out at the same time. Characters are constantly picking up knives or axes or straight up GUNS and ngl I feel like half of the humor comes from that shock factor of the insane absurdity of that violence. Okay I’m starting to sound rly dumb, I know explaining the joke is never fun, but the directing and animation just NAILS every joke; I think the secret behind it is that there’s always a buildup and anticipation before the impact, and that buildup just makes the impact all the more intense! I was going to list my top 5 favorites but it’s impossible to choose so lemme just recommend a random five out of all of them: 026 - Solid Serenade, 048 - Saturday Evening Puss, 067 - Triplet Trouble, 069 - Fit to Be Tied, and 076 - That’s My Pup!

Also, I don’t know where else to mention this so I’ll just say it here: there’s a gradual change that Tom’s design goes through where he’s slowly drawn to be less and less fuzzy. At first his outline was drawn with a lot of points to emphasize his fur, but over time they abandoned doing that, my guess is because it was harder to animate. I’d say that they fully transitioned to Smooth Tom around short 030. That’s just a little detail I noticed and wanted to share! ^-^

3) The Slow Decay: Shorts 098-114 (1956-1958)

*heavy sigh* Well... a good thing can’t last forever. What’s kinda strange is that I can’t really nail down a specific reason caused a decline in quality after 1955; short 096 was the last to be produced by Fred Quimby, with Hanna & Barbara being given the producer credit as well as director credit for the remaining 18 shorts, and MGM animation studios had major budget cuts in the late 50′s and was shut down in 1957, and perhaps the studio shutting down had also taken the joy out of the crew, which would certainly have an effect on the cartoons. Now that doesn’t mean that these last 16 shorts are bad- they’re still quite entertaining, but they just don’t have the same energy as the shorts made in the Golden Years. They’re also nowhere near as cartoonishly violent as the past shorts had been; weapons are almost never used anymore and there are barely any efforts from Tom and Jerry to straight up kill each other, and more often than not they’re working together and even acting like close friends. I think that’s pretty fair evidence that even if these later shorts were much tamer and friendlier, that meant that they were lacking the same chaotic energy that made the other shorts so hilarious. 

Also I just need to vent this here cuz this era also contains the two most absolutely infuriating shorts in the Hanna-Barbera era, that being 100 - Busy Buddies and 114 - Tot Watchers. These two shorts consist of Tom and Jerry attempting to stop a baby from accidentally dying cuz it’s just a dumb baby that doesn’t know anything, while the babysitter is just totally ignorant to everything happening. Now I can’t quite explain why and I’m probably just making myself look like an asshole but these shorts are just... so frustrating to me??? Like its bad enough that this stupid baby whose face NEVER changes from that stupid little smile just keeps wandering into dangerous situations (in Tot Watchers it straight up crawls into a CONSTRUCTION ZONE) but every time Tom rescues the little bastard and puts it back in its crib, the babysitter thinks he’s “bothering” the baby (probably because of that one myth about cats laying on babies and stealing their breath) and so poor Tom is just punished for doing literally nothing wrong!! It’s just... very frustrating to me for some reason I’m sorry... (Although I have to admit that it is interesting and kinda cute that Tom knows how to change a diaper, like wif the safety pins and everything. Why does he know that...?)

4) The Gene Deitch Shit Shorts: 115-127 (1961-1962)

OOOH BOY. I don’t think... that I can really describe how purely and utterly I dislike the Deitch shorts. Okay so, to explain, in 1961 MGM decided they wanted to revive the Tom and Jerry franchise, so they contracted an animation studio based in Czechoslovakia to create 13 new original shorts. All of these shorts were directed by Gene Deitch, who before being commissioned for these cartoons, was open about his disdain for the original Hanna-Barbera shorts that he described as “needlessly violent.” After he was assigned to the series, he did come around to somewhat realize that the violence was intended to be overly cartoonish and humorous, but his initial opinion still had an influence on his directing decisions. In addition to these facts, the foreign team behind this series had only collectively seen a handful of the original cartoons, and each short was given a budget of only $10,000, compared to the $50,000 that the Hanna-Barbera shorts had all been given.

SO. To recap, these 13 new shorts were being made by a foreign team who had barely seen any of the source material, directed by a man who had disliked the original cartoons, and being made on 1/5 of the budget that the Hanna-Barbera shorts were given. Needless to say, the end results were a DISASTER. I’m not kidding when I say that watching these shorts feels almost like a fever dream with how completely baffling and surreal they are. I honestly don’t think they could be any more different from the original series; the music and sound effects are extremely minimalist and usually completely absent, the animation is so jerky and totally lacking the fluidity of the originals, and the character design is also drastically different and, in my opinion, kinda ugly too. These are universally considered to be the worst of the theatrical shorts, and Deitch himself has even stated that he and his team “hardly had a chance to succeed” and he fully understands the negativity directed towards the shorts he directed. I have to confess that when I rewatched all the theatrical shorts, I only got through two of these before outright skipping the rest of them. These 13 shorts are a complete disgrace to the majesty of the Hanna-Barbera series, and while I don’t hold anything against the people behind them, I can’t lie when I say that I hate these shorts. 

5) The Chuck Jones Era: 128-161 (1963-1967)

I have an odd love-hate relationship with these shorts. I don’t think I need to explain to you the legacy of the great Chuck Jones, the creator of Marvin the Martian, Pepe Le Pew, and the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote whose name is nearly synonymous with the Looney Tunes cartoons of the 30′s, 40′s, and 50′s. He’s an absolute legend in the animation industry, and yet... the Tom and Jerry shorts that he directed are still significantly weaker than the original series. Let me start with the things I like though! The slight changes in the character design to match Chuck Jones’ signature style are super appealing (I especially like how at times, Tom will almost resemble Jones’ design for the Grinch) and the animation is of course very well done and a joy to watch, but despite these positives, the humor is sadly lacking. There are still quite a few jokes that land, but they’re more restrained and just don’t have the same high-energy oomph! of the impactful gunshot sound effects and violent screams of the original cartoon. I’ll always have an appreciation for this era of shorts and the man behind them, but they sadly didn’t even come halfway close to the Hanna-Barbera series.

WELL. ANYWAY, THAT’S MY RANT!!! Thanks for reading this far, all two people that did. It just felt good to get this outta my system! 💖💖

[ijustwant2write]

Unprofessional-Brock Rumlow x Reader (Part 2)

(GIF credit to @wintersthighs)

Tags: @nekoannie-chan @amirahiddleston @bloodorangemoonlight

Requested by anonymous: 'Hello! Can I please ask for a part 2 of unprofessional? I really love that one'

Summary: (Y/N) prepares herself for her training with Rumlow, but as they spar, he gets her to rethink if she even wants to be in a relationship after what she's been through.

Part 1

Characters: Brock Rumlow x Reader (made up characters are included)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

(Y/L/N)=Your last name

(Y/F/C)=Your favourite colour

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of sex, sexual tension, slight violence, fluff

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"So I hear that Agent Rumlow is giving you a personal training session?" Director Fury said as we finished going through the agenda for that day.

"Sir?" I could feel my cheeks heating up.

"I had no idea you wanted to improve your physical skills."

"I'm sorry sir, should I have asked for your permission first?"

"No, I just find it strange." he had a smirk on his face.

"Why is that?"

"You're pretty much trained in the field of attacks and defending yourself, so you feel unqualified?"

"No, Agent Rumlow offered me some training. He pointed out that I wasn't aas sharp as I could be after witnessing yesterday's...incident."

"And he said that to you straight after the incident?"

I nodded.

He chuckled."He is a brave man."

My face dropped at his sarcasm, he was enjoying this. He dismissed me, and I returned to my office. I tried to focus on my work, but I couldn't; there were so many spelling mistakes, almost every five seconds, and I was becoming tired of myself doing it over and over again. I knew what was wrong. Brock was on my mind, that man who was so handsome that it should have been illegal. I recalled back to the times where I saw him come back from an intense mission, his face covered in bruising, stitches still fresh with specks of stained blood, but he somehow looked radiant; I would wince when I saw it, just like I would when catching a glimpse of a football game, all those gorgeous men being battered, what a waste.

"Hey," Yasmin, my friend and colleague, knocked on my door,"you having a late lunch today?"

"Hm?" my head darted up.

"You didn't join us today, we tried texting you."

"Oh, sorry. I've been catching up on work. I had lunch at my desk."

"I'm in need of a coffee break, you wanna join?"

I glanced at the clock."Actually Yasmin, I'm afraid I have a prior engagement."

"A prior engagement?"

"Come in and close the door."

She knew I was going to tell her some sort of gossip, and she excitedly shut the door, almost skipping towards the chair opposite my desk.

I couldn't help but laugh at her expression as she waited for me to speak."OK, so you know what happened yesterday?"

"You putting that bitch in her place, yes, I vividly remember the enjoyment."

"Well, Agent Brock Rumlow-"

"Leader of the S.T.R.I.K.E team and only the hardest man to get in the entirety of S.H.I.E.L.D, yes."

I rolled my eyes at her."That man has offered me a one on one training session at three."

Her eyes widened, mouth dropping open in shock."Are you serious?!"

I nodded.

"Well, what have you brought to wear?"

"Oh, nothing much, just the skimpiest, shortest dress I have with a plunging neckline for my cleavage, and my stripper heels."

"Oh, shut up! Come on, have you brought your cute (Y/F/C) two piece, gym set?"

"...Of course I did."

Yasmin punched both arms in the air."Yes! Oh my god it's happening. What did I say? What did I say?!"

"Yasmin, you're getting way too excited. I bet he literally just wants to train me. Brock wouldn't go out with a secretary."

"Uh, I'm sorry but a secretary is one of the most sexiest positions out there...and I'm not talking about actual sex, just the fact that men like it-"

"Oh my god stop!" I laughed."I'm not getting my hopes up anyway."

"Oh come on," Yasmin moaned,"he wouldn't have offered this for no reason. He is always busy."

"OK I have to get ready now." I stood, hoping she caught the hint.

She understood."You are definitely getting lunch with me tomorrow, and joining me on all my coffee breaks to tell me everything!"

I laughed as she squealed."I promise I will, as long as I can still walk."

She gasped.

"That wasn't supposed to be sexual!"

Heading to the women's locker room, I changed out of my work clothes, spending way too long looking at myself in the mirror. Should I have a high ponytail or a low one? Which one framed my face better?

"What are you doing?" I mumbled to myself.

What if he really did want to just train me? And what if I was putting in way too much effort? I could walk into the gym and make an idiot of myself, Brock could end up just laughing at me. As I made my way to the gym, I was more and more nervous. He wasn't there yet, but I felt like he was about to jump out at any point.

Once again, I caught my reflection in the surrounding mirrors, turning around to check the back of my body, sticking out my arse slightly.

"You look great, stop worrying." Brock startled me as he swaggered in, wearing a tighter top than usual.

I didn't reply, too embarrassed to even think about an answer.

"You sure you're ready for this?" he smirked.

"You're not going to go easy on me, are you?" I smiled, clasping my hands together so I wouldn't fidget.

"Of course not. But I think you can take it."

He started with a warm up, and I followed, nothing was said but I was grateful for that. I desperately tried to concentrate on myself, but who wouldn't take the risk to watch an insanely fit man working out beside you.

He swiftly grabbed a pair of boxing gloves, explaining how I should properly punch as he put them on me. As we stood in front of the punching bag, I did as I was instructed, blocking out Brock and imagining Victoria's face in front of me. It was evident who I wa thinking about, because Brock stopped me.

"I must say, that's much better than yesterday." Brock said.

"Well, yesterday was a bit more of an impulse." I admitted as I took off the gloves, grabbing a towel and wiping off the sweat.

"True. Your form isn't as bad as I thought it was."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"It was meant to be."

I was surprisingly happy to be slightly red from the workout, a good way to cover up my blushing.

"It's not like your enemies tell you they're about to attack," I pointed out,"it could be at any moment."

He suddenly grabbed my arm and twisted it back behind me."How right you are."

I quickly reacted and kicked his knee in, making him bend slightly. This made it easy for me to flip backwards over his shoulder, kicking him to the ground. As he grabbed my ankle, I straddled him as to not fall onto my back; however, he was too fast for me, and kicked his legs up so flipped over him, landing harshly on my back. There was no time to groan though, as his fist came flying towards me and I blocked it. Both of us managed to get back onto our feet throwing punch after punch, attacking in all corners. But knowing that Brock was much more skilled, he was able to take me down, landing flat on my back again. I tapped his arm as we took a breath, sensing he also wanted this to end.

"That was quite impressive." he panted.

I breathlessly laughed."Thank you. God, I haven't had this much adrenaline since...well actually yesterday."

"You're not as rusty as I thought."

"I'm surprised too. It's been ages since I was actually in the field." I took another deep breath, finally feeling my heart beat slow down."Can I ask you something?"

He stood up, holding his hand out to me. I took it, still surprised by his strength as he easily hauled me to my feet.

He answered my as he grabbed us two water bottles."Go ahead."

"Why did you offer this session? Really?"

He scoffed."You'll just laugh at me."

I took a swig of water, confused by his statement."So it wasn't just to improve my technique?"

"None of us have much of a social life outside of work, right?"

"Right." I dragged out the word.

"So where's the time for personal life? Like...dating?"

How did he seem so confident yet so shy?

"Uh, y-yeah. I suppose we don't."

"I'm fucking useless at this shit." he chuckled to himself.

"Brock," I boldly took a step closer,"of you wanted to ask me out, I would have agreed."

"So this wasn't the best tactic to ask you out?" he joked.

"I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it. Come on then, when are you free this week?"

"Actually, I have the weekend off."

"Perfect. I'm sure I can swap my schedules around. Get one of the interns to take over."

"You think Fury is gonna let you do that?"

"I'm secretly his favourite...or at least I think I am. And I haven't had asked for a weekend off in ages."

"It's not something we really do."

Without discussing it, we both headed out of the gym, side by side.

"No, but I'm going to. If the world is ending, they can call the Avengers, we'll be busy."

One of his eyebrows cocked up."If it's the end of the world we really will be busy."

I humorously scoffed at his statement, though didn't reject it. I leaned against the wall next to the locker room door."You really are a brave man."

"You better get this weekend off." he demanded as he started walking backwards, keeping eye contact with me.

"Don't you worry your little head agent." I confidently winked, disappearing into the locker room.

As the door shut, I sprinted to my locker, fumbling with the lock before pulling my bag out of it. I desperately tried to find my phone, almost screaming with joy when I grabbed it. I couldn't unlock it fast enough, quickly pulling up my texts as my fingers tapped away at the screen.

To Yasmin:

You are never going to believe what's happened! Actually you will. But I need you to come to mine and help me pick an outfit...and lingerie xx

[outroshooky]

love yourself world tour - newark, nj (9/29/2018)

Where do I even begin?

Last night was one of the most incredible nights of my life, and it didn’t sink in until I woke up this morning and my first thought was “I saw BTS yesterday”. They’re so real to me now- of course, you see them on interviews and you have their photocards and their bon voyage episodes, but it never really feels like they’re truly human until they’re standing in front of you in the middle of twenty thousand people, grinning from ear to ear. The joy radiated from all of their faces, and believe me when I say I'm not exaggerating that they glowed- in fact, they literally did! MELANIN. MEL-A-FUCKING-NIN, they’re so tan! It's so refreshing to see them not-whitewashed!

The energy on stage last night was insane. The Love Yourself concert was also my first ever concert- I don't get out much, haha- and I don't think I could have asked for a better show to take my concert virginity. The vibes and aura radiated from the crowd back to them and from them to us… seeing and hearing and being a part of the ARMY fanchant is an experience unto itself. When I first found my seat in the arena, the first thing I heard was a few thousand voices singing along to Save Me. Honestly, I almost started crying on the spot. Save Me has always had a special place in my heart as being the song that got me into BTS (along with me identifying with the song as a whole) and I had chills listening to it even from walking around in the lower levels on the way to finding my section. The atmosphere literally buzzed with excitement, but morphed into one of love as the night went on. It was written all over their faces just how much fun they were having… but more on all of these points later.

Pre-concert

I found @starlightaetae about an hour after I arrived at Prudential and we waited in line to take a picture together in front of the massive BTS world tour banner set up in the middle of the merch area. I think one of the most refreshing things about walking around before the concert was seeing all seven members equally represented by fans. So many Namjoon stans, and Jin stans too! A lot of people went to the Line store in NYC before arriving at Prudential, and as a result there were tons and tons of people with Bt21 merch, banners, and the like. I saw a girl walking around in a Koya onesie, and that was super cool!

I have never seen such diversity in the fan base as I have with ARMY. Young, old, gay, straight, black, white, tall, short, everything and everyone in between was there at yesterday’s concert. People I never would have guessed to be fans of BTS were walking around completely decked out in merchandise. While we were waiting in line, I saw a trio of sixty-plus women all wearing tour shirts- one of whom even painted her sneakers to say BTS! There was someone else wearing Hoseok’s iconic yellow sweatshirt/basketball jersey look, and they were wearing a wig dyed the color of his hair at the time!

Some of the most impactful moments of yesterday were standing in the middle of the merch area or on lines and watching all of the people mix and mingle around us. Everybody was introducing themselves, hyping each other up because it's BTS, and how can you not? To see all of these people come out, people I never would have guessed to be stans… it was really heartening. I realized just how many people these seven boys have touched, forgoing language and nationality and gender to reach out to people of all ages around the world. Everyone was a really good sport about things; I didn't hear a single complaint from anybody, even when for example the photobooth was closed. People were polite and respectful; some let us take pictures with their pickets, which had sold out by the time I’d gotten there. Overall, there was this energy that buoyed the thousands of us all crammed into the area around the stadium… it was infectious. Some dancers flash-mobbed an entrance and were dancing not only to BTS songs like Fake Love and Lie, but to other kpop songs. About a hundred people were clustered around them, singing along and cheering them on, and yet again I realized just how many people have been impacted by the boys. And then it sunk in that I was standing outside of the building where these same boys were and I lost my shit.

When I walked into the concert venue, my hands were trembling so bad that the usher couldn't scan my ticket for a few seconds because of the shaking barcode. Then it scanned; I was green lighted to go in and it all hit at once. The fanchant was filtering from up the escalator, the air was smoky with fake fog, my knees started shaking and I think at that point Nicole and I grabbed onto each other and cried a little bit because what else were we gonna do, I mean really. We held each other up for a good few minutes, especially when we stepped into a mezzanine section and got a look at the stage for the first time. I could see my upper level section (211!) from where we were standing, and my vertigo kicked in for a few seconds, and then excitement and nervousness took over (I think I should note here that I was actually so nervous that I didn't eat anything yesterday except for two slices of toast for breakfast. It sunk in during the car ride home that I hadn't eaten anything the entire day and then I was starving haha). Nicole and I went our separate ways here, and we waited about an hour and a half from then until the concert started. In the meantime, we waved our ARMY bombs and found each other across the arena (which was fun since it was mostly empty at the time) and just took it all in. The screens were playing BTS music videos, and I don't think I'll ever forget the sound of several thousand people singing Spring Day as one collective voice. Hearing people’s screams when Boy Meets Evil, Blood Sweat and Tears, and I Need U came on gave me chills.

The two seats next to me were empty, so I had relatively free space to move around, except I managed to dump my water bottle all over my drawstring bag and everything inside of it in the first ten minutes of the show… rip my program book, which is still drying out on the kitchen counter. I did manage to grab an extra Magic Shop sign though since mine was ripped and sopping wet. As the minutes ticked down, the energy in the arena grew even more frenzied, with the entire crowd (and forming ARMY bomb ocean!) screaming and bopping along to the Mic Drop music video. At 6:00pm, the lights shut off and Fake Love played, with the entire audience lit up only by light sticks screaming the lyrics. When the intro VCR started playing, I could see part of the stage open up from where I was sitting and I realized I could see the top of Namjoon’s head as they knelt on the platform. That was fucking surreal. Then the VCR ended, the lights shut off, the opening chords of Idol rang through the arena, and the platform raised up.

IDOL

From where I was sitting, it was difficult to see the individual members when they were on the main stage, but that didn't stop me from screaming my head off when Namjoon appeared on the big screen, looked dead into the camera, and said “You can call me artist, you can call me idol!” At this point, I was so overcome with shock that I don't think I actually waved my ARMY bomb for the first thirty seconds of the song. I just stood there attempting to collect my jaw from the floor because holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck it was them. I remember screaming when Yoongi did his little kick and they did that iconic challenge move. It was so freaking surreal, and sounded so identical to the recorded track that I forgot I was listening to them live. Jimin made my heart stop during Idol; the amount of power and precision in his movements was stunning, and it continued to awe me as the night went on. As each of the members came on the screens, it became real that this was them, and they were actually in front of me, and I kept counting to seven because I could not believe that this was actually them. Idol is enrapturing to see live, and I realized that although you can watch their choreographies online and during interviews and shows, you can never truly understand the feeling until you see one live. It takes your breath away, it really does- especially during high intensity songs like the first three they played. Idol was over faster than it had began, and they took the in between time to introduce themselves properly.

Introductions - between Idol and Save Me

When Idol finished, the camera panned among all of the members (who I was glad to see were sipping water as they were talking to us), and we got a look at all seven together for the first time. Namjoon looked into the camera first and beamed. It switched to Taehyung next, who was looking from section to section and grinning his signature boxy smile. He introduced the group with “Hey guys!” and we all pretty much lost our minds. After Tae introduced himself, Yoongi was next and while casually adjusting his earpieces one by one, coyly cupped his hand around his ear and egged us on to scream louder for him. The entire arena erupted for Seokjin, who blew us a kiss (and we hollered even louder). Jungkook scratched his head and flashed a bunny smile with a wave and a “nice to meet you guys!” When Jimin came onscreen, the audience exploded, and his stage persona faded to this shy smile and a wave. And of course, we couldn't forget about Hoseok, who we fawned over with “I’m your hope, you’re my hope, I’m j...!”, letting the audience scream “HOPE!” Seeing all of the boys during their introductions, as small figures on a massive stage yet with their faces filling two giant screens, was freaking incredible. Them! The seven boys we love and adore, introducing themselves to tens of thousands of fans. Their genuine reactions to our cheers made it all the better.

Save Me/I’m Fine

Okay, so I'm not going to lie, Save Me and I’m Fine I have a very personal connection to. Not only was it the song that got me into BTS, but Save Me was the anthem that summed me up best when I found Bangtan- I was falling apart at the seams; the person I relied on for validation and self-confidence was drifting away from me, and I was losing touch of both of us in the mess. Save Me was my anthem at the time- I needed that person’s hand before I fell, except that hand never came, and I fell hard. When I found out LY: Answer would feature a DnB (drum and bass) track, I was beside myself with excitement (DnB is my favorite genre of EDM), and then when I found out that that same track would be the sequel to Save Me… I was in Europe at the time Answer came out, and I'm Fine was the first song I listened to from the album. I was trying desperately to stream it off of international data while we were driving from Germany to Austria, and when the drop came, I actually burst into tears.

These songs are my story, how I turned Save Me into I’m Fine, and it's because of these seven boys that I was rebuilt and actually focused on myself for once like I deserved to. I thought of so many other people that I forgot what it was like to know myself, and I realized that I can't rely on them one hundred percent. At the end of the day, I only have myself. With all of this in mind, when I saw Jimin walk up the stage while singing the opening line of Save Me, I burst into tears. I actually don't remember the performance- thank god I recorded it- because my vision was completely blurry and filled with tears. The fanchant to Save Me was awesome to hear, as well as us singing the lyrics even louder than they were. Seokjin and Taehyung were so powerful during the live version of Save Me, especially when it was them alone on the stage singing. The entire arena yelled “hey, hope world!” during I’m Fine. Yoongi’s rap cleared my skin, raised my chemistry grades, did my laundry and ran me over with a semi. Holy fucking shit, the entire rap line decimated us all in the first ten minutes, and we hadn’t even gotten to Outro: Tear yet. Save Me/I’m Fine were the most emotional songs of the night for me by far.

ARMY Time

Skip this section if you’d like to be surprised by the song they perform during ARMY time, which came about fifteen minutes into the show.

When we arrived at the venue, each seat had a black banner with a flower design on it hung over the armrest. Hangul was written above and below “magic shop”, and according to the back of the banner, the whole phrase translated to “ARMYS are the flowers that grew in your magic shop”. Needless to say, the boys performed Magic Shop, and to hear tens of thousands of people singing “I’ll show you!” so sweetly back to them was really something else. There was no choreography, just them walking around the stage singing to us, and it felt truly intimate, just us and them in our own little world, created by the people in the same room, united by the same love. They are my magic shop, and we are theirs too. Taehyung and Seokjin again stood out here and showcased their vocal talent- the entire vocal line as a whole touched me deeply. When the cameras panned to show an endless row of signs in the audience, it brought it all together, and I felt connected not only to the boys but to every person around me. It was a moving performance, and certainly a magical moment, with the audience and their signs illuminated by the lights of the ARMY bombs and spotlights.

-VCR 1-

Trivia: Just Dance

All of the trivias blew me away, and each in their own special way. Just Dance was the most energizing performance of the night; it was by far the most impressive live solo dance I have ever seen. Hoseok owns the stage; he was born to be up there, and he stole my heart throughout the entire show, but he did the most during his Trivia. He makes it all look so easy; he interacts with the audience with this natural smile on his face that radiates joy. Our ARMY bombs lit up rainbow and the stage glowed purple, which was a gorgeous backdrop since he was wearing all white. I will never hear the first drop of Just Dance the same way again after the insane choreography that Hobi performed. He was flawless and fluid and natural being up there in front of us, dropping into a one legged split and popping back up like it was nothing. He is beyond charismatic and a literal ray of fucking sunshine, especially when he’s dancing and rapping at the same time. Both make him so happy, and that is written all over his face when he performs.

Around halfway through the song, backup dancers ran up onto the stage seemingly from out of nowhere (they ran up stairs in the pit) and Hoseok actually leapt over them while rapping. Even though he’s a single person in the middle of tens of thousands, your eyes naturally gravitated to him- he explodes with energy and passion and power like no other member of the group. He brings his own talent to the stage and awes us, whether it’s rapping or dancing or singing or even just hyping up the crowd. He really does make Just Dance look easy, even when he’s dropping down practically into a split thirty feet in the air on a raised platform.

Long story short, I love Jung Hoseok. Period.

Euphoria

Jungkook awed me during Euphoria most particularly with his vocals. He, much like Hoseok, was born to perform; between his voice and stage presence and impeccably smooth dancing, the best word to sum it all up is fluid. Euphoria is Jungkook’s song; it felt like he was speaking to us when we collectively sang “You are the cause of my euphoria/when I'm with you I'm in utopia”. I loved the lights (with ARMY bombs glowing bright blue!) and backup dancers in plain black. They were little details that didn’t detract from the whole, but rather drew your attention to the main stage and how utterly talented Jungkook is. Euphoria really is his song.

I Need U

The version of I Need U they played at the concert was a rock version that I actually enjoyed more in a live setting than the original song. Yoongi pointed his mic towards the audience for his intro rap part and let us cover it- with some mixed results (we sorta slurred some parts, but we tried)- but he nodded along with us as we sang. He was proud of us. Rather than doing the choreography, the boys stood on stage and listened to the arena sing. The smiles on their faces said it all. We screamed for Jin when he sang his verses, and you could see the visible change in his demeanor when he heard us. Namjoon and Taehyung faced my section for the final chorus, and Yoongi’s little shouts of “I NEED YOU” made I Need U one of my favorite memories from the night by far.

Run

Run was an absolute blast; I honestly can’t tell you who was more hyped, the audience or the boys. When the first drop came, they doused the fans at the barrier with whole bottles of water, which was really fun to see from up above. I don’t listen to Run on the daily, but last night’s performance changed that. It was energetic and explosive, and the whole arena was electrified.

-VCR 2-

Serendipity

Holy shit.

Just holy fucking shit.

Park Jimin.

Serendipity was another of my favorite performances from the night. I chose not to watch the choreography before I saw it live, and that combined with Jimin’s stage presence solidified Serendipity as my favorite intro. It’s such a beautiful, passionately sung song, and as much as Euphoria fits Jungkook, Serendipity fits Jimin. Onstage, Jimin oozes unadulterated charisma and pure sex appeal. You’re almost forced to watch; he is one hundred percent breathtaking, even if he’s simply walking up the stage. Serendipity live is the perfect mix of sweet and sensual, tender and heartfelt lyrics paired with elegant and sultry dance moves. Speaking of sultry dance moves, I was not expecting him to pull up his shirt for a few seconds, and neither was anybody else judging by the screams that elicited from the audience. He grinned for the quickest of moments after hearing us holler for him, and one of my favorite moments of the night actually happened at the end of the song. Jimin faced the camera and sang “Let me love…”, but a smile broke over his face- a real, genuine smile- and he said in the softest, shyest voice, “...love... you.” The screen went black and the arena erupted in cheers. Even in the last fifteen seconds of his performance, you could see Jimin fighting back the urge to smile, and that really made it so special.

Comparing the Jimin from the WINGS tour to the Jimin that we saw last night is like comparing two different people. Watching Burn The Stage, it was clear that he was struggling at the time, both with self love and perfectionism. Last night was like watching a bird freed from his cage. Jimin was comfortable in his own skin. He was happy. He’s learned how to love himself, and seeing the crowd’s reaction to his performance was enough for him to know he’d done well. That final smile and those nearly-whispered words- “love… you…”- said everything he hadn’t.

I love you, Jimin. I’m so proud of you.

Trivia: Love

I made it a point to scream for Namjoon during his solo song, and he got the loudest shouts of the night for any trivia during this performance. Namjoon’s stage presence is something that can only be described when you’re standing there watching him rap, engaging tens of thousands of people who are chanting the lyrics with him as he sings. You could see his pride and confidence build as the song (and concert as a whole!) went on. Love was absolutely engaging and riveting; Joon is a natural up on stage in his element, he was born to rap like this. Seeing Namjoon’s progression from Burn The Stage to last night was sort of like witnessing Jimin’s growth; he found his confidence with Love and made us all his bitch in the process. I fell even more in love with Joon during Love and fell in love with the vibes he gave off- poised, intelligent, intellectual, engaging. Oh, and did I mention he flipped his jacket off and gave us a shoulder tease?

DNA

The boys performed the choreography of DNA on the diamond stage, and although it was difficult for me to see for the most part, I could focus on the general mood of the audience a little more. We were all into it; it was definitely one of the most action-packed dances of the night since they performed it out in the middle of GA. DNA is definitely a crowd pleaser; we devotedly screamed for all of the boys, especially the second verse that’s pure rap line. It was so awesome to see something so iconic be performed right in front of our eyes.

Boyz with Fun/Attack on Bangtan/Fire/Baepsae/Dope

This mashup was explosive onstage and I think this was one of the most fiery performances of the night. Not only was hearing Jungkook rap live so cool, but seeing them go back to their hip-hop roots- and the roots of one of my favorite albums, Young Forever- was a great nod to their earlier music. The transition between Attack on Bangtan and Fire punted me into a level of Dante’s Inferno, and I was subsequently resurrected by the goddamn ferocity of Namseok’s hip thrusts during Baepsae. The rap line brought the fucking house down during Baepsae, and I think sexiest dance of the night would go to Namseok- Namjoon, for his handless, aggressive hip thrusting, and Hoseok for the thrusting he did while in a squat-crouch low to the ground. Dope was also incredible to see live; our ARMY bombs flashed red and the audience was electrified the most during Dope and Baepsae live. I’m not a big fan of Fire or Dope, but they’re back on my daily playlist after last night.

Airplane Part 2

This song was- oh my god.

Nicole and I are two of the biggest Airplane Part 2 stans you will ever meet, and last night’s performance of it destroyed our biases like nothing else.

The crowd screamed so loud when the chair appeared onstage. I’m pretty sure I actually went temporarily deaf at this point, because there was a ringing in my ears that definitely hadn’t been there earlier.

The boys were absolutely beaming throughout the whole thing. The first verse and bridge where Jimin, Jungkook, Taehyung, Namjoon, and Seokjin are passing the mic back and forth, they were grinning from ear to ear when the transitions happened. Just as Jimin passed the mic to Taehyung, he raised his eyebrows and gave us a little grin. Taehyung was smiling like the goddamn sun during his lines, and we screamed Namjoon’s rap along with him. Jimin is so goddamn powerful, and Jungkook’s little smirk when he sang the second half of the chorus was adorable. Jin even winked at the camera once or twice. You could tell they were having fun and legitimately enjoying themselves.

Jungkook’s high notes in Airplane Part 2 made the song, as did Sope’s verses. It was the most captivating performance of Airplane Part 2 I have ever seen. You can watch performance after performance online, but nothing, nothing tops seeing that song live.

-VCR 3-

Singularity

“I DIED DURING THUS SONG DIDOS OH MY GOD MY MANS WENT FOR IT WITH THEM MASKS OOOOOOOOOOOOOOF” - @starlightaetae

Nicole sums it up as best as possible. Singularity was one of the most riveting performances of the night. Personally, I don’t listen to Singularity very often, but Taehyung’s performance last night made me fall in love with it. His voice was like silk; Singularity is his baby and it made us his bitch. I loved how the mannequin was brought out and the masks (just like in the video!) had such an awesome effect on the whole thing, especially when Tae put one on himself. He gave this cocky little smirk to the camera before putting it on, and I’m pretty sure Nicole hasn’t been the same since. (“No, I haven’t been the same since!” - @starlightaetae)

I actually preferred the live version of Singularity to the recording simply because of the vibes this version gave off. I didn’t like the music video; for me it was too overwhelming, and a little too strange for my liking, but the live performance was completely enthralling. Taehyung commanding the stage during his intro was different to his previous appearances; you could tell that he was in his element here, and that was so freaking cool to see. I love how between Stigma and Singularity, Taehyung has found his sound, and he’s completely relaxed (and undeniably sexy) when he takes the stage alone.

Fake Love

From where I was sitting, I was able to see the boys line up before the main lights came on, and I pretty much lost my shit. Fake Love is one of my favorite songs, and it’s yet another song that you can see performance after performance of online, but there is nothing as captivating as the live performance. It’s also one of my favorite choreographies and I think the most emotion-filled out of all of their choreos.

Last night, the boys performed the Rocking Vibe mix of Fake Love, which was super cool to see live! I really liked how all of their larger hit songs were played as a rock mix version with drums and guitars, and Fake Love was my favorite rock remix. The crowd was beyond hyped for this song. I get chills whenever I rewatch the recording and listen to the fanchant; I’m pretty sure we sang and rapped almost every line. The crowd screamed when Hoseok and Jungkook did their mirror move and when the other six did their sort of marionette dance around Jimin. Seokjin got so much screen time and love from the audience! The loudest yells of the night were caused by Jungkook’s dual ab teases, and he gave this little cocky smirk after each one. The camera actually zoomed in on his second ab tease, thereby decimating tens of thousands of people in the blink of an eye. After the second ab tease, the camera cut to Jimin, and you could see him smirking too at our screams. Seokjin really went hard dance-wise during Fake Love; I’m so proud of him for how far he’s come with his dancing ability! He was incredible last night, and Fake Love all around was an insane performance- definitely one of the best of the night.

-VCR 4-

Trivia: Seesaw

Min Yoongi.

Min.

Fucking.

Yoongi.

Trivia: Seesaw has shamelessly been my favorite trivia off of LY: Answer since the album came out. I have such an emotional connection to this song; I can relate to it in so many different ways and seeing it live almost reduced me to tears. Yoongi is completely breathtaking when he’s alone. He makes the smallest movements look effortless; he commands that you look at and listen to him, and the entire crowd sang the chorus of Seesaw with him. I loved the backup dancers and the choreography, the constant references to that balance and imbalance. He slid down a bench in the middle of the stage and then ran up it in the middle of the second verse! He was so engaging and you could tell he was loving the attention from the crowd. During the last chorus, he pointed the mic at us and let us sing. You could see the smile on his face grow as he heard us, and he looked out as he sang, trying to make eye contact with every section.

I’m so in love with both this song and Min Yoongi. Nicole can attest to the fact that I’ve spent the last day in complete awe that he was right in front of me. I see so much of myself in him; to see his gummy smile beam from right there at us was the best damn thing I could have ever asked for.

Love you, Yoongs. You have no idea how much you mean to me.

Epiphany

Nothing I produce from my mere mortal fingers on a keyboard can accurately describe the impact of hearing Seokjin perform Epiphany. It was the most emotional performance of the night second only to The Truth Untold, which was performed literally directly after Epiphany.

When we realized Epiphany was next, we began chanting Jin’s name. I will never forget the sound of tens of thousands chanting “KIM SEOKJIN! KIM SEOKJIN!” and cheering when that single spotlight shone on him sitting at the piano. We did that for no other member, and I was so proud and happy to see the love and support that we showed Jin last night. You could hear the audience quietly singing along, and the sheer amount of power in everyone raising their voices to sing “I’m the one I should love in this world” as one driving force is something I will never forget. There were two moments when Jin looked directly into the camera, and it felt like time stopped. What felt like minutes at the show, as I’m rewatching the videos, was only seconds… It’s so hard to believe. The screams and cheers for him echoed throughout the whole arena… We yelled like that for no one else. It made me so, so joyful.

Although it didn’t show much in his face at first, his body language and the immense amount of effort he put into his performance said it all. Jin went hard. I’ve never seen him go that hard, ever. He put so much passion into his singing and he made it clear how he feels… Epiphany was one of the most moving performances of the entire show. I’ll never forget him nor the sheer beauty of it all.

Towards the end of Epiphany, Jin walked up on the main stage and turned his back to us, his profile completely illuminated by white light. We chanted his name again and when he hit those high notes, we fucking hollered. Kim Seokjin deserved every single bit of the cheers we gave him last night, ten times over.

Thank you, Jin. I love you.

The Truth Untold

As the final notes of Epiphany finished, the rest of the vocal line joined Seokjin on the raised platform to sing The Truth Untold. It was at this point in the show that I almost started crying for the fourth time, and I’m pretty sure the boys may have been crying too. You could see them looking out at us, taking it all in, listening to our screams that died into us singing along with them. Each of the four screens onstage showed a different member, and watching all four of them react at the same time made my eyes well up. I have chills every time I hear “but I still want you…” as we sang it along with them.

Seokjin, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook are so, so fucking talented. They work so hard and they made last night’s performance of The Truth Untold something truly special. I will never hear the song the same way again, with thousands of voices singing the same line:

“...but I still want you…”

Outro: Tear

I had fucking whiplash from how fast these boys turned from soft, sentimental, and heartfelt vocals to hard-ass aggressive rap with a bite. Outro: Tear was wild. To sum it up according to Nicole, “It was the littest moment of my life.”

The entire stage and all of our ARMY bombs were lit neon green, plus fire shot up from the main stage during the chorus. I’m not gonna lie when I say Yoongi’s live verse of Tear was one of the hottest things I’ve ever witnessed, especially him singing/chanting those lower parts. Everyone was so hyped for the rap line; there was never a better day to be a rap line hoe. We screamed along with them as they belted out the chorus, especially the lower parts I mentioned before. Hoseok went hard; hell every member did. Namjoon in those shades wrecked my bias like none other.

You can listen to Outro: Tear and hear the power and emotion the rap line sinks into this song, but nothing will ever compare to seeing them take the stage and perform it. They’re in their element when they’re performing Tear; it was unlike any other performance during the night. It was raw, unbridled energy and release.

It was a good day to be a rap line hoe, y’all.

Mic Drop

Mic Drop. Mic Drop.

Mic Drop. That is all.

This song was my favorite group performance of the entire show. It was their last before the intermission, and I wish I’d recorded it because holy shit this performance blew the music video version out of the fucking water.

They performed the original Mic Drop with about a thirty second dance break towards the end, and I'll have you know that said dance break left me in a smoldering pile of ash because seeing seven guys at the forefront of a huge group of backup dancers all body rolling as one whole was hot as hell.

What was awesome was seeing how the crowd reacted to Mic Drop, and I think it was definitely the loudest performance of the night. We fed off of each other’s energy; the crowd was electrified and so were the boys. Our ARMY bombs lit up bright red and it was really a sight to see all around. I’ve never felt more in tune with an audience and a song; to hear everyone around me screaming the backing vocals and doing Seokjin’s little arm wave when he’s in the front during the choreography with tens of thousands of people was something else. It was the most explosive way to end the first part of the show, and certainly the most impressive.

I didn’t listen to Mic Drop regularly for most of this year, but I did when I first started listening to BTS, and I fell in love with Steve Aoki’s remix all over again when it came out on LY: Answer. Between that and their live performance, I’ll have Mic Drop on repeat for god knows how many years now.

Intermission

So What

I didn’t listen to So What actually until the Love Yourself World Tour started and I saw a video of Jungkook doing the chute dance down the middle of the stage. I was having really bad anxiety at the time, and that video was the only thing to make me laugh that night. Ever since I’ve seen the various clips of him doing the dance, it’s made me think of the song completely differently, and last night was no exception.

It was so much fun to see every member completely bopping to So What. The boys were all running around the stage hyping us up, and that first drop was completely unforgettable. White confetti exploded from the stage and rained down on the crowd. It was so much fun, and you could tell that they were also enjoying themselves to no end. It was us and them and singing and dancing simply for the love of music and being together… It was one of my favorite moments from the night, especially seeing Jungkook go insane. I love his headass so much.

Jin, Jimin, and Jungkook did the chute dance right down from the main stage to the diamond, and I have never loved any of them more than I did in that moment. To see Namjoon rapping behind them (looking mildly disappointed) and Jin/Jimin/Jungkook laughing and having the time of their lives was one thing I’ll never forget. Plus, Taehyung and Seokjin flirting with each other and the camera was so damn adorable. So What has such a larger meaning for me now that I’ve seen it live; it has concert vibes written all over it and I'll always remember hearing Jimin and Jungkook’s higher vocals cut through near the end of the song. So What holds so much excitement for me now, and I really hope they do it at every concert in the future, because it was truly unforgettable.

Anpanman

The live performance of Anpanman was fucking incredible.

I actually am not a huge fan of the song; I don’t like the opening line and as a result I’ve never been able to enjoy listening to the full thing. However, the live version changed my mind. The boys practically exploded with excitement when it came on, and the crowd got so hyped. I loved the cartoons that displayed on the screens during the performance, and how excited Yoongi and Hoseok got rapping this song. I loved how the audience screamed along with “super car like Batman!”and “ballin’, ballin’, still Bangtan!”. Jimin in particular looked so happy singing this song. Also, I may or may not have yelled “YOU ARE” when Yoongi rapped “I can be your hero!”

Taehyung and Jungkook hugging while singing “waiting for you Anpanman” was so fucking cute. There are so many good memories and vibes associated with Anpanman now; this is another song that has a whole different meaning for me after seeing it live, and I’ll always remember how happy it made them- and us.

Answer: Love Myself and Goodbyes

Before they sang Answer: Love Myself, the boys said their goodbyes, and their ending speeches were so touching. They had a translator on hand when the boys switched to Korean, and Jin in particular said he never wanted to get rid of the feeling he had at that moment, it was just so good. Jungkook talked about how we are his energy and no matter how many shows they do, we always make him so happy. I realized during the ending speeches just how much love BTS has for us. They love us more than anything, they really do. You see it in their eyes when they look out at the crowd, trying to make eye contact with as many people as possible to take it all in. I looked at Jimin and Namjoon, who faced my section as they were saying their goodbyes, and it was unreal to see two men I hold in the highest esteem possible looking back up at me. We are so privileged to have each other, and they deserve all of the love in the world.

I will never, ever forget hearing an arena of thousands sing “You show me I have reasons I should love myself” collectively as one. You could see it written all over the boys’ faces just how much they were affected. Most importantly, last night I saw an emotion that I didn’t see much in their previous world tour clips (before LY), but was prominent in every performance of the show.

Happiness.

These boys are happy. So, so happy. They’re learning to love themselves, and they’re proud of us for doing the same.

They didn’t want to get off stage last night, lingering as long as possible to say goodbye. Taehyung and Jungkook were the most reluctant to go, Taehyung being the last one off stage, and Jungkook taking one last look into the camera, winking, and dumping his entire bottle of Fuji water all over his head before dashing into the wings.

After the show ended and the lights came back on, I sat on the upper level with my head in my hands just staring at the stage. An ARMY below me took one look as she was leaving and said “Just so you know, you’re my entire mood right now.”

I replied, “What am I going to do with my life?”

She shrugged and said “Wait until their next world tour.”

I have on video that as Jungkook was saying his goodbyes, he said he’d see us back here next year.

Hey, Jeon?

I’m holding you to that.

[thebestplltheories]

My TOP 10 episodes in all of television - spoiler free!

1. How To Get Away With Murder: Season 4, Episode 8 - Live. Live. Live

On the edge of my seat from start to end, this episode was extremely satisfying as we finally learnt what happened that night. One “what the actual fuck?” moment after the other, there is no better adjective to describe the story than ‘exciting’. Having just spent a season trying to prove that they are good people trying to move on from tangled murders, it was beyond juicy to see their lives unintentionally take a U-turn down Old Habits Road, even when their intentions were good. The writing needs to be commended in this episode not just for the witty and snappy dialogue, but for the actual intellect of the writers to think of stories of this caliber. The way the events unfolded that night were insanely satisfying and beyond my theory-brain’s ability to have ever imagined, yet, still managed to make me say “of course!” once revealed. Topped with EMMY-worthy acting from more than just the sensational lead Viola, the pure creativity and ingenuity of this episode left me feeling like these television writers could get away with murder.

2. How To Get Away With Murder: Season 4, Episode 9 - He’s Dead.

The perfect follow up to the perfect finale. This episode flowed from the previous so well that if we eliminated the “previously on”, the two episodes can stand alone as a mini movie revolving around one never-ending messed up night. The roller coaster doesn’t slow down, actually, it speeds up, which was a shock as I thought it was already going full speed. Seeing the characters fall deeper into the rabbit hole of their old habits, and then trying to dig themselves out, was entertainment at its best. Just because there were not as many “what the actual fuck?” moments as the previous episode, there were still plenty sighs of relief, grunts of anger, and throwing of the hands in the hair. The episode was very fast paced with lots of complicated stories occurring simultaneously, and successfully keeping up with them all felt like a reward in itself.

3. Pretty Little Liars: Season 7, Episode 20 - Til Death Do Us Part

Although this episode was generally not well received by most PLL veterans, I can only love this episode as it was essentially an on-screen adaptation of my written theories I made leading up to the episode. It was beyond satisfying to see that I had successfully theorised, almost to a tee, the series ending to a show that will forever be in my heart. The execution lacked, specifically in intensity and any sense of danger, however the overall story being told was very detailed and mostly clever - certainly free of plot holes, which was impressive given the convoluted state of the series at the time. The story was by no means flawless as the writers certainly missed easy opportunities to go out with a louder bang, however, after the difficult mental task of setting aside all the thoughts of what could have been, the episode can be perfectly summarised as satisfying and bittersweet. I think I will forever remember this day. June 27, 2017. It was an unforgettable experience.

4. How To Get Away With Murder: Season 2, Episode 9 - What Did We Do?

This episode elevated the show to a level I never knew it was reaching for. Other finales of this show had me screaming WTF out of pure disbelief and shock, however this finale had me screaming WTF out of disturbance - I was genuinely bothered, and made to feel uncomfortable, at the methods they used to get away with murder. This episode features one of the most iconic scenes of the entire series to date, which, if this episode had aired prior to the EMMYs, would have made Viola Davis the no-brainer winner (if she wasn’t at the time). As if the finale wasn’t gripping enough, it ended with a scene that was like a superfluous yet delicious cherry on top. The final scene redefined everything we thought we knew about two major characters and the episode overall was twisted and exciting to say the least.

5. Pretty Little Liars: Season 7, Episode 19 - Farewell, My Lovely.

The penultimate episode to the loveable series can be summarised with one word: satisfying. Unusual for this show, so much action and plot progression was perfectly fit into one episode. Further, the show finally reached my desirable ratio of mystery to romance: all mystery and no romance. An impressive amount of story was wrapped up, answering enough questions to begin the series finale without an immensely overwhelming amount of content to sort through. Whilst the answers themselves weren’t overly shocking, actually, some fan theories were more exciting than what the writers delivered, the story that was provided was undebatably logical and cohesive which made it tough to argue with. Unfortunately the writers missed a great opportunity to name-drop the show. “You’re not criminals. Not really.” Insert here: “You’re just a bunch of pretty little liars”. Whilst it would appear corny in that moment of first viewing, those feelings undoubtedly would pass with time and it would have been iconic in Pretty Little Liars history. Nonetheless, the penultimate episode served its purpose very well: it set up the series finale by answering questions that were not worth dwindling on for one more second.

6. The Fosters: Season 5, Episode 1 - Resist

Bone chilling. My goosebumps had goosebumps as I watch a mother race to find her daughter who is being held captive by a group of rapists - an action packed, nail biting story I would’ve never envisioned back at the show’s conception five years ago. Watching Callie value her friend’s lives more than her own, is upsetting but admirable, and the passion of the students protesting against the privatisation of their school that they are so proud of, is nothing short of beautiful. Leave it to The Fosters to make you feel what the characters feel, even when the character’s experiences are un-relatable. I for one, have never faced the problem of school privatisation, or, touch wood, rape. But the emotions are so raw and expertly crafted through the lens of the camera that it’s actually impossible to not feel for the characters.

7. The Fosters: Season 5, Episode 10 - Sanctuary

I’m not easy to crack, but this episode marked the first time I actually shed a tear or two of pure happiness at a television show. Trust The Fosters to pull on your heart strings. The episode deals with an immigrant who is wanted because her DACA status is pending, and the lengths that her friends go to to help her stay in the country she was raised in and calls home. It was somewhat surreal to reflect on what the show had now become: no longer is this show about a girl who wants to be adopted by a family. This is about a girl who constantly walks on fire for her friends and expects nothing in return. Police are involved, and stakes are higher than ever. The episode preached a message that isn’t said loud enough, and is one that any television-lover can watch regardless of their history (or non-existent history) with The Fosters. Whilst the juicy parts of the episode co-existed amongst a lot of romance filler which I do not care too much for, the story was so important to tell, and was told so damn well, that on this rare occasion, I was able to forgive and oversee the filler.

8. Riverdale: Season 1, Episode 12 - Anatomy of a Murder

Bombshell after bombshell, this episode surprised me not just in terms of the story’s reveals, but also the reveal that the writers want this to be a twisted thriller series. So much happened in a short time span yet it never felt overly condensed. It moved at an impressive pace that comfortably told the story in enough depth. This had everything a mystery show needs in its big important episodes: family drama, a death, alternative suspects gained or freed, the reveal of the true killer’s identity, impressive acting, another death, and a cliff hanger (literally, wink wink). It’s clear the writers gave this everything. All of this occurred in a visually stunning episode; beautiful and grand sets, vibrant and punchy colours, and powerful camera perspectives. This episode definitely could’ve proudly served as the season finale and actually, is my benchmark I use to compare all other Riverdale episodes, whereby this is what a ten out of ten looks like.

9. Supergirl: Season 2, Episode 22 - Nevertheless, She Persisted.

Excuse the cliche, but never judge a book by its cover. I never would’ve thought, ever, that a superhero show will make me feel more than just excitement at the action-packed dangerous story lines: this episode made me feel heartbreak, sorrow, shock, fear, disbelief and joy. Ruling out superhero shows because you’re not into fantasy and super-powers, is a silly move, since this episode proved yet again that Supergirl is grounded in reality, and the powers and super villains are just extra for the sake of fun. The emotions Kara goes through are human and relatable, and the emotions Supergirl goes through are still relatable, but you must dig to find the underlying meaning rather than take the red cape for face value. This episode flows so perfectly from the previous episode, Resist, that they could both pass as a two-hour movie. I struggled to decide which episode to place on this list however I ultimately decided to place this one because of its slightly higher stakes.

10. The Fosters: Season 4, Episode 1 - Potential Energy

Here The Fosters tackles the prominent issue of school shootings. It was captured in a way that sent chills down my spine, and I thanked God that I never experienced anything like that, and, honest to God, said a prayer that night that this madness stops. The brilliance of the episode is that it emphasised the shooter’s perspective too in a way that obviously didn’t justify the decision to bring a gun to school, but instead showed a range of variables that can lead someone to do this - therefore sparking conversations to potentially avoid such horror and danger. As with every single episode of The Fosters, it is simply a joy to watch Stef and Lena show their love for their kids and this episode in particular, when their lives are at risk, was heightened for the show and a damn joy to watch.

[beccawastaken]

My life summarized Pt. 1...

I started this blog cause there is always so much in my head, it moves at the speed of light, some of it makes complete and utter sense, some of it sounds great til the very second it rolls off my tongue and then sounds nothing like it did in my head, some of it is just random nonsensical stuff that seems to have fallen off a stand up comedians cue cards and straight into the part of my psyche that prefers her own lyrics. It makes it very hard to focus on one task to completion, I even tend to put down my guitar and journal for months on end...so sad!

I must admit that I have worked my ass off to try to make some kind of sense of it all and now when I am unable to rather than let frustration take over I tend to find my random head ramblings amusing. I mean it is often a frustrated, shaking my head at myself kind of amusing but still...baby steps right? 

Sometimes the thoughts can be so intense and so rapid that its overwhelming and it takes every ounce of my strength not to scream til it stops. At its worst its almost like there are so many thoughts moving so quickly that it can sound like a constant high pitch buzz in my head. Super exhausting, and difficult to explain to those around you. People tell me to just go to sleep...ever tried sleeping with a shop vac on or inside a construction site? That would be comparable to this, plus, sleeping also isn't my forte so I’m double fucked so to speak.

The human mind and psyche intrigues me to no end. The way it works, and how the basic brain functions are the same across society yet our perception and the cogs and wheels inside each skull are as unique as our deoxyribonucleic acid. For each and every one of us, the way we tick can be vastly different from one another, from the person beside you on the bus, to that guy you’ve worked with for years to a lover or spouse and often really have no way of knowing. I mean how often do we turn to each other and say “can we talk about how your brain works?” We just take for granted that it does and don’t give it a second thought.(haha you will come to notice my love for puns)

Its the intricate differences between us that keep me interested in this self sabotaging species, I mean really, Earth doesn’t need humans to survive, in fact it may be better off without us! Who knows, what I do know is that while im here on this seemingly massive planet im going to make the most of it. 

I have a wicked sense of humour (ask anyone haha) and I enjoy messing with people (in a jovial way of course). Im talking like practical joke type of messing with people, light, innocent funny shit. I have been referred to as a brain ninja...I took it as a compliment, however, when you are on the receiving end its possible that it isnt nearly as enjoyable. I do my best not to be mean (I said I do my best, I am not perfect) cause you know, I’m no psycho, although some will attest to that statement not being true, I have honed my inner psycho and now only use her when absolutely necessary. Like if some douchelord crosses one of my angels or my grandson. Then my wrath should be feared, simple enough right? (WOW that escalated quickly! O_O)

I just do not want to waste my life, I spent so much of it not knowing how to handle daily life, assuming (naturally cause why wouldn’t I as a single child raised by someone that constantly blamed others and the world for her problems) that everyone’s mind worked the same, everybody deals with the racing and loops of thoughts you cant kick, or falls asleep with a song stuck in they’re head and wakes up and it starts again as if paused. Every morning. (Don’t drop that duh duh duh....grrr) For days! I mean doesn't everybody worry about every move they make, and lay in bed with they’re eyes closed trying to sleep and checking the clock twenty minutes later only to find SURPRISE, its been three hours! Or this relentless saviour complex I have, I can solve almost anyone's problem or at least help them find a path they are more comfy with but for years when it came to mine, I just couldn’t. This is just a few of the things i deal with or have been forced to deal with this life, Im sure i will touch on more. 

I have my children to thank for helping me learn how to deal with my version of life and not giving up on me when I know it would have been easier at times. (Dont drop that duhduhduh....ugh) I want to be honest in this blog, I pride myself on my honesty yet shy away from the darker, not so beautiful sides of who I am as if they don’t exist to the outside world. The thing is, I do not look sick, in fact I look great, besides a few extra pounds. My illness is not a physical one yet it has complete control from the inside out a lot of the time. I work very hard on a daily basis so I do not look like I am falling apart.

I feel emotions at a much higher level than the majority of humanity, I know this now. I don’t feel a lil bit of anything, if im sad, im so sad that even just being in my presence can break your heart. If something good happens and I feel a twinge of joy, I literally have to physically hold myself still sometimes cause it will surge like a lightening bolt through me and often some strange squeak comes out, fingers fully extended as if the energy just exploded form my core and out my extremities. Then, just as fast as it surges it disappears and there I am a woman bordering forty with this maniacal smile on my face like the joker and hair standing up like the professor from Back to The Future. Its quite a sight I am sure, and as much as it has been really hard to work with this side of myself I would rather be inside looking out and have to fix my hair then the onlookers forced to decide between the choice to ask if I am alright or back away slowly. Same with anger, although we have a bit of a deeper connection than other emotions, yea, thats right, we tight. Let me explain...or try;

I like to think my anger trigger point was when grandpa died, but looking back that is ridiculous, I was pissed at both my parents for what they put me through during the divorce but refused to take it out on them, they were in enough pain, they couldn't see it but i sure could.  When I am angry I scare people, I seem to fear nothing (not sure if that’s brave or not) and once I am angry there is no going back, I am completely incorrigible, illogical and refuse to listen. I have scared off men twice my size, not with violence of the physical kind, my verbal violence can be so articulated that I honestly think some people are scared to the core. I have shocked myself at times and thats not easy. Once I realized that I was growing into my version of the hulk I had to do something, I was starting to hate everyone and everything. 

I started replacing the empty yet extremely fucked up (for lack of a better word) threats with just simply making light of what it was that triggered me, albeit in an aggressive manner however it has proven effective in attempting to analyze what set me off and try to stop the rage fuelled rant.

I really wanted to give you an example but as I was trying to find one it proved difficult so im gonna call that progress. Anyway this venting became humorous to those around me, they all knew me so well that they would turn they’re heads and try not to laugh (ever been laughed at when your livid? its not cool, same as if are upset and someone says ‘calm down’ calm down, CALM DOWN?! like fuck off n all if you honestly believe im not trying, you think i wanna feel this way? like this is some kind of sick joke for me? pfft people!) in an attempt to not be caught in the crossfire of my verbal war. 

At first this angered me too (go figure, Hulkbitch) then one day, someone laughed and I took a step back and thought about what I had said and started laughing. Clearly my loved ones weren't laughing at my agony, but the words and descriptions i used to figure it out did tend to be funny. It takes a lot for me to get angry like that now, if I do tho, I still vent with sarcastic wit and make myself laugh to bring myself out of it. 

I think I have myself in line pretty well now, I guess I should give some history here, I was a very happy child on the outside but a ball of nerves within, my mother was extremely mentally ill (which i did not know til after her passing) and my father was a violent alcoholic. Luckily I was sheltered from the worst of what they put each other through as they separated when I was 2, but fought and fought and fought over me for nine years. My mum would insist dad never wanted me he just didn't want her to have me, said that I was never good enough in his eyes cause he wanted a boy. Dad, would point out the homeless lady pushing all her belongings in a shopping cart and say “hey kid, thats where your mum is headed, just you watch”. I know now they were just dealing in their own ways with what was happening between them but it really messed with me. 

My father, my daddy, quit drinking not long after the separation, i to this day believe that he did this not only for himself but for me, to show me that no matter what you can make changes, just gotta face the problem head on and deal with it so you can move past it. He was always a tough, vulgar, strong, stubborn, hilarious and short lil french man with an ego the size of Goliath. He taught me not to take shit from anyone if I believed in the topic at hand and to learn to turn a cold shoulder when needed. Emotions were not discussed, Im not even sure to this day if I can remember him ever saying I love you, but he didn’t have to, I know he did. 

Mum had her own ways of dealing over the years, she was all emotion, raw and uncut. She would always react first, think later, which meant she felt the need to apologize a lot.  For her mistake, for not being good enough, for not doing well enough this was so hard to watch. She would repeat the same self defeating patterns she had been doing her whole life and expecting things to change. Definition if insanity much? shitty part is back then they had no fucking idea what insanity was, nor did they care to look. Had someone just took her side and spoke for her she would still be here, if only she was honest with me about how sick she was, I may never have gotten as sick as I did. She thought she was protecting me...

This woman was the sun to my moon and I loved her more than words can ever express. She never believed me when I said it, she always said right up til the end that nobody ever loved her. I know this was not true cause I figured my dad wouldn't get so mad about stuff if he didn't care, the opposite of love is not hate, its indifference. Mum was always in and out of the hospital and it was super hush hush, I assumed she had cancer. I was petrified to lose her, so I didn’t ask questions, just waited.

The custody battle went on and on, I remember my dad pushing our 1970somthing car up the street for some reason, didn't phase me much. I just said “oh look theres my daddy, he looks mad!”. We went to Expo ‘86 in British Columbia and mum was subpoena’d to come back to the prairies for court immediately, so she had to leave her vacation just to go back and find out it was remanded.  They were both so angry all the time, I thought it was my fault...had I not been there there would be nothing left to fight about right?

Okay so divorce was finalized when I was 11...Grandma and grandpa (mums side) loved the shit out of me too, ive seen pics of gramma in the military which made sense as I grew up as to why she was so tough but she must have been retired by time I was born. They bought an old ‘70s van and converted it into beds in the back, a table and even a port a potty! They lovingly got personalized plates with my name and the number “2″ after it. They took really good care of me, always loved me and wanted what was best.

I remember around 10yrs old I realized my initials were B.S. and I was not impressed at all as not one word that came out my mouth (at that age) was BS. I was insulted and wanted it changed, plus I knew it would make mum happy if I changed my name to hers. The divorce was finalized my initials were changed to B.J....JUST in time for puberty, (woooooooo) yeah, didn't live that one down for a very long time.

My reason for bringing up my grandparents is so that you all know that aside from this somewhat bleak story thus far, I had many people that loved me, including mum and dad, they just preferred to fight about it. 

Shit, fuck, damn, I just had a memory, not a good one but I spoz thats why our brains block things out eh? I do not know how this came about, my mother was very abused growing up and it took a toll on her.  I remember mum and the  grandparents fighting, i remember gramma telling mum to get her head out of her ass and i remember trying to picture that...I was not going to be seeing them for a while til things cooled down.

Mum was sure that my grandpa had molested me, I am not going to say it didn’t happen but as far as I can recall my grandpa was the sweetest most loving man ever. anyway, mum was questioning me, yelling, badgering me and generally acting crazy i spoz, this was before I know what that looked like.  She kept asking inches from my face if he had done anything to me and i maintained that he hadn’t. Finally hours later I was tired and hungry and she was clearly still psychotic she yelled at me are you sure (for the millionth time) I finally yelled out “fine, he did it!” I had no idea what he had done, or when, cause i wasn't there i just wanted her to stop. She was making herself crazy and it broke my heart. I didn't see my grandparents again for three years. Grandpa had gone senile and was not himself, didnt remember close family members etc. When I got there, I ran in the house and we met at the doorway, me at the bottom of the entrance stairs and him at the top. I smiled, and he looked at me puzzled, then started crying, then laughing then crying. I was so glad he got to remember me. I missed him so much.

This was all before I was even a teenager. Grandpa died not long after he was put in a care home cause gramma wasn't able to care for him. His death was my first experience with such a thing, I had no way of knowing how to deal with a loss like this...so I guess I just didn’t.