#like thanks!! yeah i’m not self harming rn and i’m not in and out of hospitals

[spiltlove]

lol they’re taking away my case management services even though they said weren’t going to and i’m in the middle of applying for new housing with my cm and she’s helping me with so many other stuff. and i’m literally on the edge like what tf do they expect me to do???

[liaaa33]

Why you cut your wrist?

Paring: chris sturniolo x fem reader Waring; self harm, angsty, crying, use of drugs, death wish, dealer chris

Summery:chris is your dealer best friend and sees something you have been hiding for years now.

After 15 min the door rang so I got up and opened the door for chris exited to smoke since we haven’t seen each other for a long time

“Yo what’s up maa” chris said hugging me.

“Nun much just exited to see you again tbh” I smile walking him inside. We got inside my room and sat down next to my window.

“You gonna get the stuff or what?” Chris chuckled.

“Oh damn sorry” I giggled walking over to my drawer getting out some papes and a grinder.

Chris rolled us the joint and passed it over to me wanting me to take the first hit. I place the joint in my mouth chris lighting it looking deep into my eyes. I pass it over to him blowing out my smoke.

“Damn this shi is good asf” I giggle

“Yeah” chris laughed passing me the joint again. He looked into my eyes deep this time different then before.

“You good?” I giggle.

“Yeah yeah.. it’s just idk” he smiled at me.

“Say it weirdo” I laugh at him.

“You look very pretty” he said nervously.

“You fucking with me rn?” I say smiling at him.

“Noo I’m being fr right now” he took a hit of the joint looking me deep into my eyes.

“Well thank you” I smiled confused why my best friend is saying that to me and acting so weird. He passed me the joint again and I smoke it dead throwing it out the window.

“Y/n…”

“Yeah?” I said confused looking at Chris.

“I think I need to tell you something” he said now very serious.

“What’s wrong Chris?” I said confused on why he’s being this weird to me rn scared that he will leave me, scared that I did something wrong.

“I really like you, but like not as friends or not as a hoe I mean like really fucking like you” he said looking into my eyes.

“What” I said checking if I’m not dreaming rn.

“You’re high chris shut up” I giggle.

“No y/n I mean it I really fucking like you” he said.

“I can’t believe you” I said smiling.

“Do I have to prove it or what” he smirked.

“Maybe you do” I giggle as Chris stood up grabbing my face kissing me passionately.

I kissed him back climbing on top of him now sitting on his lap making out with him. He tried taking off my shirt but I stopped him.

“I’m sorry was this to much?” He said now feeling embarrassed.

“No no It’s not that chris..” I said looking down.

“What is it than?” He said forcing me to look at him.

“Don’t worry about it” I forced a smile at him kissing him on the cheek.

“No y/n tell me” he said in a serious voice. I never hear chris this serious ever. Now being nervous I look away again scared he will notice my secret.

“I can’t..” I say.

“Yes you fucking can tell me now y/n I’m being serious” he said looking at me with a mad stare.

“I- I” I tried to say but no words came out of my mouth tears now forming in my eyes.

“Hey.. y/n what is wrong tell me please” chris said now cubbing my face in his hands.

“I’m sorry” I said repeatedly chris still not knowing what’s going on with me.

“What are you sorry about y/n why are you saying you are sorry” he said now panicking since my crying doesn’t stop.

I look at him embarrassed holding my wrists tears rolling down my face. He noticed me holding my wrist and immediately knew what was going on grabbing my wrist pulling up my sleeves revealing many scars and fresh cuts on my arms and wrist some worse then the others.

“My god… y/n…” tears begin rolling down his face too now.

“I’m sorry” I said now crying more than before.

He hugged me tightly comforting me slowly stroking my hair.

“Why..?” He said his voice shaky.

“I- I can’t to this shit anymore chris I’m so tried and empty the only one left in my life is you and I feel like you slowly are drifting away too I’m so scared that you will leave and everyone is so mean to me and I just- I just want to die” i blur out between sobs hiding my face in chris neck.

“What… why didn’t you tell me y/n!?” He said now crying more then before.

I never saw chris ever and him crying in front of me made me realise how fucked up my mind really was. I was embarrassed at myself for telling him all that even tho i knew it didn’t bother him and he was glad i did tell him that.

“I don’t know I’m sorry I’m so so so sorry chris” i say chris looking at me with worry..

“I love you so much y/n you should have told me earlier you know I couldn’t live without you ma… I love you so much more then you think okay?” He said holding me tightly.

“I’m sorry I know chris” I said closing my eyes just enjoying his presence.

“Next time please come to me and don’t hurt yourself okay? You mean so much to me please don’t do that to yourself.” He said stroking my hair kissing my forehead.

“Okay im sorry chris”

:::This was my first story man idk if I like it 💀

[alittlebitofloveliness]

5, 14, 15, 17

More outsiders asks? Heck yeah!

5. What are your favourite ships?

a) Curly Shepard x Ponyboy Curtis- idk why other than the fact that fanon Curly seems to balance out Ponyboy perfectly, and that I read a Curly fit on ffn when I was like fifteen that fundamentally changed my brain chemistry

b) Steve Randle x Sodapop Curtis- I don’t like any other within gang ship but Soda and Steve make sense to me and ngl my closeted ass clocked them as gay when I was reading the book because of the ‘pillow fight’ scene. I genuinely answered a comprehension question in class like ‘Ponyboy’s naïveté is shown through the fact he believes soda never drinks and that Soda and Steve were having a pillow fight when they slept together’ and my teacher had to be like oh sweetie no….

c) Marcia x Two-bit Matthews- Not a HUGE fan but they had such chemistry and I wish that could’ve been explored. I’m actually working on a fit about them rn, just because I wanna explore Marcia’s psyche. She was fun :)

14. Five headcanons I basically see as canon

a) Steve is secretly SUPER protective of Ponyboy, partially because he knows Sodapop would never be ok if something ever happened to Pony and he couldn’t stand it if Soda’s spark ever went out, but also because he wants Ponyboy to have the happy childhood he never had.

b) Darry absolutely dotes on Ponyboy, even though he’s strict, he’s lenient about letting Pony go places and works overtime to make sure he can afford to get Ponyboy everything he needs (and some stuff he simply wants), especially after Windrixville.

c) Johnny Cade is scary looking. Full stop. The gang just doesn’t see him that way so it doesn’t show in Ponyboy’s narration

d) Dallas Winston had a good mom and a happy childhood and her death was the catalyst that made him into the hoodlum he was.

e) Sodapop Curtis absolutely drinks, Ponyboy just doesn’t believe he does and Soda is not anxious to correct him because he doesn’t want Ponyboy to see him differently

15. Five headcanons that are entirely self-indulgent

a) Angela Shepard and Curly Shepard have to share a room because Tim refuses to share with anyone. Neither of them actually hates it half as much as they pretend they do.

b) Part of why Curly and Ponyboy became close was because Ponyboy was struggling with getting over his concussion, and the side effects were really stressful for him (dizzy spells, blurry vision, absentmindedness) and Curly kinda helped him with it because Curly spent 90% of his childhood concussed so he knew what Pony was going through

c) Tim Shepard and Sylvia are best friends and would kill for each other but not die for each other. However, they would avenge each other’s deaths.

d) Steve Randle wishes more than anything in the world that Darry Curtis was actually his irl older brother 

e) Two-bit’s little sister HATES Ponyboy Curtis because her older brother spends more time playing older brother to him than he spends actually being an older brother to her.

17. Are there any criticisms or salt you have with the book?

My criticisms with the book lie with the author. SE Hinton has proven to be homophobic and racist, and its written into the book, which is my biggest issue. I love the story of The Outsiders but do not want to support Hinton or her harmful, bigoted ideology under any circumstances. (For anyone out there who wants a copy of the book but doesn’t want to support Hinton, you can find a free pdf online, all you gotta do is google it)

On a slightly lighter note, I would have loved to have seen more of the female characters in the book. Marcia in particular had so much potential, and I wish we’d seen one actual scene with Sandy or Sylvia.

Thanks for the ask!!!!!

[daemonbrain]

I love your writing so much!! I can’t believe I missed you posting part 2 of perv Simon omg I just read it and it was so good 😭 I adore the way you write him.

I’m pretty new to this fandom (?) and Simon has overtaken me body and soul. Part 1 was one of the first things I read and ugh I just love this garbage man who is soft for the sweet girl he can’t help but fall for. He’s so awful but is he really if he can’t abide shithead husbands😫🤚🏻??? Your honor he’s a good man, he can jizz on any of my worldly possessions no problem.

I’m sure whatever you have planned for this series will be perfection, and I’m so excited to continue reading! For now, I’m patiently waiting and fantasizing that Simon decides to intimidate shithead!husband into leaving her, forcing him to tell her it’s to be with the woman he’s been cheating on her with. As much as I love when the hot scary man is homicidal, I really want her to fall hard for him, and I think that would be much easier for her if he’s not dead, if she’s instead manipulated into Simon’s arms in a moment of weakness and insecurity because why isn’t she good enough 🥺

Alternatively, I’m hoping that Simon kills him slow and mean, serves him right for mistreating Simon’s pretty birdie. But if so I hope birdie matches his freak, and when she finds out he killed him a couple weeks later, she lowkey doesn’t care. I know it’s so unrealistic but I love when reader likes dark men (truly self inserting lmao) and I would hate for her to be scared of him 🥺. I want him pervy and evil but I also want him soft and loving and there’s no reason for her to fear him ☺️☺️☺️

Omg I was about to click ask and then I realized what I truly deeply want is for shithead!husband to find out about Simon and birdie and to smack her around a bit, truly crushing her loving image of him. She wants to leave him now that she knows how bad of a husband he truly is, especially when she notices him being less subtle with his obvious signs of cheating. Simon sees her at the butcher shop, and while she’s concealed the bruise on her cheek well, she can’t hide the change in her gait and breathing caused by the deep bruises on her rib cage. Simon confronts her, offering (forcing her) to come with him so he can protect her. Shithead!husband shows up and Simon takes care of him 🥰 and birdie feels bad, is a bit scared, but how sad and scared can she be when Simon is right there to make her feel better 😈☺️💗

Okay I’m sorry for my ramblings!! Happy writing :)

I reblog to my side blog btw :) much love! 💗💗💗

ME RN RN:

STOP ITTTTTT. First off im honored to be one of the first fics you read for our beloved simon since there’s SOOOOOO many great fics out there for him. That being said, you’re actually the first person who’s sent me an ask so wow im so happy!! Literally thank you for taking the time to send your ideas and inputs, as well as complimenting my writing you have 0 idea how much that actually means to me 💕💕

NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR THE RAMBLES. I LOVE THE RAMBLES. GIVE ME ALL OF THEM!!!

But yeah the jizz part is so real because im not gonna lie i reached into some depraved-ish parts of my mind for that one (i would fight someone for that toothbrush). If you didn’t know i’m pretty new to posting on tumblr and genuinely just getting back into writing fanfics so i’m not super used to posting smut and all so i’m glad you enjoyed it. I try and balance it to make it seem kinda canon. I don’t see simon being someone dark/physical, more like unintentionally creepy like “ugh gotta protect her from everything even by extreme means 🫡🫡” man def does not know where the line is.

I’m a sucker for sweet reader and so is simon! He’d never do anything to harm and trust she is neeeeever gonna have to deal with that mean husband of hers soon enough.

I will warn you, i’m currently working on what’s probably gonna be like 20k+ words for a Jaime Lannister fic (its at 15k and im only at phase 1/4) sooo i don’t think stalker simon will be making an appearance for a fair amount of time (im sorry 😭). I’m pretty sure it will be getting a part 3 though, just not sure when.

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to send this, it brightens my day to know you enjoyed the uh.. creativity.. i bring to Simon Riley. Have a great day or night wherever you are xx

[joocomics]

fantasy writing is so fun sometimes bc you get to make your own rules to the world and have a fun time thinking what could've brought the world to turn out that way and idk, i love it. but it also takes so so SO much energy that i don't have at the moment. the fantasy fic i'm writing rn is an apocalypse fic and i'm already like 6k words into it and JUST found out that the reason people can't be out in the rain is because the bombs used in The Ending War™ (still not sure about that name) contaminated the water most places and since rain comes from evaporated water from the ground it means the rain is contaminated too and causes harm to humans, but the most i have to make up about that world is why it went to shit 💀

side tangent over, as for your question about the other members, i think they'll show up!! but i'm not sure how yet bc seonghwa doesn't get much help and i don't want them to be against him so i have to keep ponder about that some more,, THANKS for getting excited tho!! i love sharing and getting excited with people about my ideas 🥰

literally do not know how you keep yourself focused on completing the event drabbles, i would've jumped on the jooyeon idea SO FAST, i think it's really admirable that you can hold yourself back, even if the bookstore jooyeon is living in my head too and i secretly hope you get less self control.... the list of wips sounds good tho!! it's nice to have it visible like that!! i get the need to relax about it too though. we're not being paid to write this and nothing feels worse than fighting your way through writing something you have NO interest in writing atm.. 🫂

yunho is a wild card fr, you never know if you get weird/silly or him being a slut against the wall or in general in low lighting.. i remember a specific video he did with wooyoung,,, he was SO hot it went EVERYWHERE on atinytwt

I DID SEE YEONJUN DID IT!!! i had to throw my phone away because i can't handle him recently 😵 (he's my bias from txt) HIT BY A TRUCK IS RIGHT

���� i love chatting with you too. and if i ever post that post-sex glowing intak idea we talked about i might just reveal myself (scary but you're so sweet i feel it's gonna be okay) - 👾

EXACTLYYYY!! fantasy genre is what ignited my love for reading books yearssss ago (percy jackson i’m looking at you, my first crush fr) it’s fascinating how much you can do with it, and how many interesting stuff you can create by using well known and loved tropes/concepts by putting ur own twist to it. DAMN THE RAIN?? HELLO THAT SOUNDS SICK 😩 (positive) i love your imagination!!

ahh i love discussing these things with you too 🫶🏼 and i really appreciate you sharing about your works and ideas with me!!

OH i don’t think that i’m holding back from the joo idea as much as it seems like i am 😬 because last night i wrote a scene that could possibly be the beginning of the fic and it ended up at like 600 words 😭 i had a shit day yesterday and it felt good to indulge myself in it! i also already have an idea for a possible cliffhanger that could lead to a possible sequel?! so yeah looks like i’m not holding myself back THAT much anymore HOWEVER i’m careful not to overdo it or smth since i’m focused on doing the drabbles; for now, i try to look at the joo idea like a fun project on the side that i relax in my free time with

YEONJUN IS MY BIAS TOO! (and kai… i double bias here too shocking) i think we’ll never be fully capable of handling him 😬

take your time and no pressure!! i already appreciate you coming here regularly to chat with me! of course, i’ll be happy to be able to support your post and blog overall, but it’s not necessary to reveal yourself if you’re not completely sure about it 🫂

[thebumblecee]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love❤

Thank you to all three of you @chaotictarlos @wtfuckevenknows I haven’t been feeling very self-lovey rn so I ignored these but I appreciate being included so much. I’m pushing myself to post.

Please heed the tags on the individual ones ♥️

Educating Mateo - (38k)

This is my baby. My tarlteo fic.

Mateo looks at him alarmed, “You mean you don’t know what he has planned?”

“Neither do you.” TK points out, “he knows what he’s doing, he’s really good at this stuff.”

Mateo glances at the driver whose busying singing along to Mariah Carey to care about their conversation. “Yeah, but aren’t you nervous?”

TK hums thoughtfully, “No. I trust Carlos with everything, he knows me better than I know myself. He loves me, he would never do anything that would cause me harm or distress.” He turns so he’s facing Mateo, “I know you’re probably freaking out, but I promise you, we will go at your speed, with what you want okay?”

He pushes a stray strand of hair off his forehead, “Trust him. Trust us. You’re going to have a great time.”

When I’m like this you’re the one I want - (25k) Breakup BDSM AU.

“I need something and-” TK breaks off with a choked up noise. “You always could curb the craving,”

He looks angry with himself for admitting it. That protective thing flares up in Carlos’ chest. The part of him that sees TK and goes that’s mine to protect, that’s the part of him that hurts the most.

“What do you need?” Carlos says, he can feel the air change around them.

Something so wholesome - (8k)

Carlos self-reflective fic where he struggles with who he is vs what he needs. (tw: for internal homophobia)

“No one’s ever done that for you?” TK asks to clarify. He can’t believe his past sexual partners have been so selfish. They’ve fallen into a rhythm where Carlos tops and TK hasn’t considered before now how much he bottoms during their sex life. He’s eager to fix that.

“It’s not my thing.” Carlos says firmly. “I’m not like that.”

TK bites down a like what exactly only because of how uncomfortable Carlos looks right now. He’s not meeting TK’s eye from embarrassment and TK forces his own sting of hurt down.

I didn’t know I was starving til I tasted you (33k)

Porn star au. Work enemies to lovers.

“Are you okay?” Carlos asks a soft as he can, TK is a wounded animal ready to strike most times

“‘m fine.” He says sounding decidedly not fine.

He sounds ready to bolt again and Carlos can’t let him do that, not when he’s upset.

They’re not friends but they are colleagues.

For if I’m going down, I’m taking you with me - jointly written with @mooshkat and I know it’s only on chapter one published but we’ve finished it and I love it. Assassin/Hit man AU. Enemies to lovers.

He fiddles with his cufflinks in the elevator and just as the door was about to close a hand shoots out and stops it. Carlos jerks his head up, there hairs on the back of his neck stand at the sudden intrusion.

Not many people can sneak up on Carlos and the fact Strand can has sent alarm bells ringing from the minute they met all those years ago.

[soigelth]

Stuff I’ll probably talk about

So yeah, here’s some things I’ll probably post about, just because I can

Obviously about LGBTQ+ stuff 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️

Perhaps something dealing with autism (I myself have autistic traits) and neurodivergency, as I also have ADHD. I heard from YouTube that Tumblr is like a heaven for ADHD people 😂

Mental health things are really important to talk about. I have history of depression and self harm, and have lost a loved one for s*icide. I don’t want anyone to go through these problems alone. My DMs are always open if needed. (They are also open if you have any questions, have any kind of problems at home and/or with your family that you want to talk about, have addiction or anything like that. Also if you need help figuring out your identity.)

Reality shifting, astral projecting, quantum theory, manifesting etc. Just that our minds are so much stronger than we even realise. We are literally capable of changing our physical reality if we believe hard enough. How cool is that? 👀

I might post about random story ideas (I LOVE writing and reading). If I need to write my ideas down somewhere quickly, I could post them here before they fleet 😂

About random books I’ve read because books are awesome. Also chapter 61 <3

Of course, just like every other Tumblrer, just random scattered shit. Shower thoughts, stuff that pops into my head at 2 am… yuhh

ASTRONOMY. How could I forget about astronomy? Literally the coolest thing I know of rn. I love space so much!

My process of learning a dozen languages at the same time lol (atm I’m learning Japanese and Dutch, and just now realised I forgot to extend my Duolingo streak yesterday 😭 I’m using way too many gems for streak freezes lmaoo)

Thank you if anyone even read this. Probably a waste of your time, but hope you enjoyed anyways I guess 😂

[shadesofjinx]

Answering all of these because I have truly nothing to hide!

1. What are 4 tabs you have open on your browser right now?

swim team membership page, one of my own fanfics on ao3, my ao3 bookmarks, my dining hall’s daily menu

2. Have you ever thought about seriously harming someone?

Yes, my abusers:) and also because of intrusive thoughts and those being super horrible bc of certain traumas

3. How are you feeling emotionally right now?

Pretty damn good. I feel lucky, where I’m in college rn is pretty quiet and I feel like I’m in a bubble and privileged enough to not be dealing personally with the backlash of trumps administration here but I do my best to spread info around for those who need it

4. What type of place(like building) are you in right now?

My college dorm room / dorm building

5. Does anyone know your deepest, darkest secret?

Well no, not yet at least. There are some things in the past that are so fucked up we’d just rather go to the grave with it but we may get the courage to tell our therapist these things

6. Have you ever tried to feign mental illness for personal gain?

Thank God no, you heard it here first we haven’t ever done that

7. Do you have any enemies?

Donald trump, my abusers, and the American healthcare system that personally failed me <3

8. Do you have people you only pretend to like?

Absolutely not?? The people who pretend to like others are fake as fuck I’m sorry (not including people who are genuinely unlikable re: terrible people). I’ve been the victim of this several times and it hurts very much so don’t be that kind of person, be genuine in your connections or else you won’t wake up tomorrow:))

9. What is one item you never let anyone look at or in?

The one sex toy I have . Prettyyy self explanatory

10. Do you have any talents people say you have but you don’t actually have?

My dad likes my singing and I never believed I had the potential to be a singer or be in a choir (I thought my singing sounded horrible) but now I am and my choir teacher has been very encouraging I love her!! My singing has already gotten a lot better

11. Something you like that apparently other people don’t like?

Cats. A lot of people I used to know, key word used to were avid cat haters and I was not here for that

12. Are you a virgin?

Somewhat unfortunately. I say that cuz sex would be great but we have sexual trauma so go figure

13. Is there anyone your grandma would hate that you’re subscribed to on YouTube?

Yes, Tommyinnit cuz he swears quite a bit, and DanandPhilGames because both are out queer men who live together and she’s homophobic and conservative

14. Introvert or extrovert?

Bruh I mean I’m autistic so introvert I guess but i prefer to be alone unless I’m with my bestie

15. Most used app on my device?

Chrome because use it to read ao3

16. How much fanfiction have you actually read?

Good question! I don’t know! But I’ve been on that site for 4 years and have let’s see 81 pages of ao3 history

17. Worst Fears?

Deep water, touch (in some instances), dying alone, dying unmarried, heights (I say as if I’m not a rock climber and also want to go bungee jumping but it’s ok I’m an adrenaline junkie so the fear and potential adrenaline cancel out)

18. Biggest mistake you’ve ever made?

Trusting certain people in my past 👍🏻

19. Worst lie you’ve ever told?

When my brother was stalking me online for years and found out that my therapist and I thought I had DID at the time (diff therapist, now diagnosed with DID with specialist) and I lied to his face (that I didn’t have DID) for my own safety

20. Do you consider yourself a trustworthy person?

Pretty much yeah I’m not good with like positive secrets (like a surprise party, I’d just get too excited and want to tell the person yk!!) but if anyone ever tells me deep dark stuff and I’m told to keep it a secret (as long as they’re not in danger/a danger to themselves) then yeah I’ll take that shit to my grave nobody’s gonna know

“I have nothing to hide” Asks

(For those daring enough to reblog)

1. What are 4 tabs that you have open on your browser right now?

2. Have you ever thought about seriously harming someone?

3. How are you feeling emotionally right now?   

4. What type of place(Like building) are you in right now?       

5. Does anyone know your deepest, darkest secret?

6. Have you ever tried to feign mental illness for personal gain?

7. Do you have any enemies?

8. Do you have any people you only pretend to like?

9. What is one item that you never let anyone besides yourself look at or in?

10. Do you have any talents that people say you have but you don’t believe you actually have?

11. Something you like that other people generally do not like?

12. Are you a Virgin?  

13. Is there anyone that your grandma would hate that you are subscribed to on youtube?

14. Introvert or extrovert?

15. What is the most used application on your device?

16. How much fan fiction have you actually read?

17. Worst Fears?

18. Biggest mistake you’ve ever made?

19. Worst lie you’ve ever told?

20. Do you consider yourself a trustworthy person?

[chincilla-on-the-moon]

My Whole World- Connor Murphy X Reader

Request:  I am in desperate need of a fic where Connor finds that the reader struggles with self harm and where he helps them though such thoughts and just ends with some fluffy cuddles. Anything is better than what’s going on rn - Anon

Word Count: 1009

Warnings: Implied Self harm (cutting), Self-loathing, Self-hatred, Feeling like a burden

Authors Note: Hello! I know I’m literally the worst ever but honestly existing this past year has been really hard which makes doing the things I enjoy, like writing, really hard to do. BUT I do finally think I’m reaching a better place, (I know I say this like every authors note but I really think I am this time). Also saw the DEH movie last night and ended up sobbing over Connor I love him so much :((. Lastly and most importantly: if you ever feel like self harming there are alternatives! If you need resources about this feel free to message me or send me an ask! I’m more than happy to help <3 Thats it. As all ways thank you for reading and have a lovely day/night! :) <3

You were having an awful day, an awful week even. It seemed everything that could go wrong did. It just seemed the world was against you and you were tired of it. You were approaching your breaking point and fast. You could see this but you didn’t know what to do about it. You could reach out to your boyfriend Connor. But no he was doing so well recently and you didn’t want to burden him or bring him down with your negative thoughts. So you decided to do what you always did which was just distract yourself from your emotions because if you didn’t think about them they weren’t there. You put your earbuds in and put on one of the playlists Connor had made for you, once you got home and went up to your room without saying a word to anyone and plopped face down into your bed. For a couple minutes you were able to ignore all the thoughts racing through your mind but eventually the music stopped working and you were left alone with your thoughts. 

You’re pathetic and a burden to everyone. Why would anyone want to deal with you, especially Connor? You’re probably the most annoying person on the planet right? With your constant pestering and need for reassurance every two seconds it’s truly a wonder that you haven’t been abandoned by everyone in your life. 

You were angry at yourself. How could you possibly let yourself be this awful of a person? You wanted to do something horrible to yourself as a punishment, to force yourself to feel the pain you bring to everyone in your life. 

The next time you had a coherent thought was at least a half hour later. You felt a stinging sensation coming from your wrists and started crying as you fully processed what you had done. Without realizing it you texted Connor asking him to come over. You just sat waiting staring at nothing until Connor knocked on the door to your room. You were broken out of your trance and weakly said “It’s open” so he knew he could come in. 

Once Connor opened the door he knew something was up. The energy in the room just felt wrong. Then he saw your hunched figure on the bed and could tell something was up just by how you were sitting and approached the bed slowly so as to not startle you. Once he came into your field of vision you broke down even more feeling so pathetic in this moment. “Oh sweetheart,” he says softly. He sat down in front of you and took one of your arma in his hand and inspected the damage gently. He did the same with the other and once he was done he opened his arms and you crashed into his chest, violently crying at this point. He held you tight and pressed soft kisses into your head. He just let you cry it out rubbing soft circles into your back but while he was he couldn’t help but think how could the light of his life ever feel so bad that you felt you had to do this to yourself? 

Once your cries had calmed down to soft sniffles every once in a while he said “Let’s get you cleaned up then we can cuddle. Sound good?” You nodded tiredly. “Okay let’s go to the bathroom,” he said, grabbing your hands to pull you up and guide you to the bathroom. Once you got there you sat on the counter and Connor got to work. He carefully applied antibiotic ointment and bandages to the affected areas and when he was done pressed gentle kisses to all of the bandages.  After that he cleaned up his ‘workspace’ and led you back to your bedroom. The two got ready and had settled into your bed when he broke the comfortable silence that had settled between you two. “You know we have to talk about this right?” You nodded timidly. “Why?” he said simply. You explained how terrible this week had been for you and how it all got to be too much. The whole time Connor listened with his undivided attention on you, holding your hand and rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. At some point while you were explaining you had started crying, He sat up causing you to sit up as well. He grabbed your face, wiped your tears and stared deeply into your eyes. It felt like he was staring into your soul but you didn’t look away. After what feels like an eternity he finally spoke up and said “I don’t know how you could think all those awful things about yourself. You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. Your kind, smart, compassionate, not to mention most beautiful person I’ve ever met. You’re not a burden to those around you, especially not me ever. Next time you feel like this, I want you to talk to me okay? I’m here to help you. I know you would do the same for me in a heartbeat so let me help you. I love you so much and I don’t want to lose you, you’re my whole world.” You were crying again but for the first time today they were happy tears. 

“Thank you for always reminding me how loved I am. I love you so much Con,” you said smiling through the tears. 

“I love you more Y/N/N,” he said, smiling sweetly at you. He gave you a tender kiss on the forehead and then said “You’ve had a long day we should get some sleep.”

“Yeah you’re right,” you said through a yawn. The two of you got cozy again, your head on Connor’s chest, his hands running through your hair. The sound of his heartbeat, the one he swore beat for only you, lulled you to sleep. The last thing you heard before you felt before you fell fully unconscious was a kiss being pressed to the top of your head.

[kakakakashi]

Darling!! I just really want to say thank you for ALL your UCHIHA hcs!! They’re absolutely delicious!! Anyway I know your super busy but if you have time may I prettyyyyy pls maketh a small request for kinktober?? A pregnant sex hc with all our fav uchihas? I just can’t get enough of your Uchiha breeding kink TM 😂 I love your work! Stay Cherrylicious! ❤️🍒

You are cherrylicious, fam! 🍒 Lol, thanks. My hcs aren’t delicious, though. The Uchiha are… At least Shisui is. The further I get in with the story, the more I’ll be able to add. Personally, I’m not doing kinktober just because I’ve got too much on my plate rn, but lbr, I never need an excuse to be nasty. I’m just gonna be gross 365 days a year. My kinkiness isn’t limited to a month. You can’t get enough? Lol, neither can they. Motherfuckin Uchiha. Anyway…

*NSFW under the cut*

Itachi

This man gets so soft for you when he sees you doing domestic shit when you’re pregnant, and he just remembers how much he adores you.

You’re doing something as simple as drying the dishes while he washes, and as soon as the two of you are done, he just kisses you so sweetly and passionately.

You can’t deny him kisses when he looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky.

Do you start it? Does he start it? Nobody knows.

You’re already being carried to the bedroom, so he can make slow, sweet love to you.  

He literally worships you, paying extra attention to your bump because he can’t believe that you’ve got his kid in there.

He plays with your breasts a lot too, and it feels so good.

Will insist that you lay back and let him take care of you.

Believe me, you will not lift a finger. This dork is not having it. Like, you’re already doing so much for him, he just wants to make you feel so good.

He’ll eat you out until you’ve come at least twice just from his tongue and fingers before he even thinks about putting his dick in you.

And he takes it slow, like I said. He just wants to pamper you.

He makes sure you’re in the most comfortable position possible while he’s languidly thrusting in and out of you.

It’s all very soothing and relaxing.

When you come the third time, it rolls over you in slow, undulating waves, and he works you through it with fluid motions that have your body feeling like you’re floating.

After you come down, he’s on the verge of following you, your walls spasming and contracting around him and encouraging his hips to stutter while he moans, and his eyes roll back.

You’re both fuckin spent, and your entire body’s tingly.

Itachi just gently kissed everywhere across your skin while you stay connected for a bit, just cherishing each other.

Ugh, it’s so soft and good. It’s like your underwater.

Madara

He’s not necessarily actively interested in pregnant sex in my opinion.

Like, you’re already pregnant. His job is done. He’s gonna go fight Hashirama until you have the kid.

Then, he’ll fuck another one into you.

So, if you want it, you’re gonna have to seduce him.

Given, it’s not that hard. Just get him jealous or just sit on his lap while he’s reading and start grinding on him.

He’ll eventually put down whatever he was reading.  

He’ll also definitely make you get off on his thigh before he fucks you.

He’ll also make you take off all your clothes while he’s still completely clothed.

He likes the look of your bump while you pleasure yourself on his thigh.

He’s just going to watch you while you take what you need because you’re so desperate for him.

Like, you’ve already got his baby inside you, and it’s still not enough for you?

Then he’s gonna make you ride him right there on the couch.

He’ll make you beg for it first, though.

Your legs will be exhausted, but it’ll totally be worth it.

He’s going to allow you to control the pace for once just because he doesn’t want to hurt the baby.

He basically just sits and makes you do all the work for once.

And once he’s done, he’ll carry you to your bed and clean you up because you’re carrying an Uchiha, and you deserve to be taken care of for that, no matter how rough around the edges he is.  

Obito

Pregnancy hormones are a bitch sometimes.

And let me tell you, you are so fucking horny, and he’s not even close to complaining.

There’s this one comedian who did a show about having a kid… and I just can’t get it out of my head rn because I feel like there’s this one part… that’s just… the epitome of being pregnant with Obito’s kid, but anyway.

“It’s like having sex with Space Mountain!”

If you know what this is from, let’s be friends.

So literally, anytime you’re feeling horny, just go for it.

It’s so good for him, like… he didn’t have a pregnancy kink until you got pregnant because the sex is just that fucking good.

Just, all the magical contractions and positions and shit.

And every time, you’re blowing his mind, and he’s blowing yours.

It’s very sloppy and hot, but he still tries his best to be gentle with you.

He loves experimenting with positions, and he definitely wants to incorporate some of them into your sex life after the pregnancy

He will literally do anything you ask. You make the rules in the bedroom when you’re pregnant. The only thing he won’t do is something that could potentially harm you or the baby.

He loves how your tits get bigger, and he loves to play with them when you guys fuck.

Lots of nipple play. Oops.

He always kisses your belly after when he gets all soft and cuddly. He’ll also talk to the baby while you’re lying down together.

Sasuke

He can’t wait for you to give birth, so he can put another one in you. Like, he’s counting down the days until your due date because he wants to restore his clan have a big family, okay?

Nobody dies here.

But like… sometimes, he just sees you, and his brain goes to his dick.

The man has no self-control in all honesty. Like… *gestures to the entirety of Naruto*

Anyway, he’s like “the love of my life carrying my child must not be touched by anyone,” but then his dick gets hard, and he’s like “... except me... to please them.”

So, he’s gonna give you that slow broody sex that he’s too into because the boy is Dramatique™ .

And I mean, are you really complaining when he’s fucking you nice and slow, letting you really feel everything in your overly sensitive state?

The answer is no.

He’s another one that will do his best to make you comfortable before he starts, but he does it quietly.

And as he gets closer, his pace picks up until it’s more moderate than slow.

And he’s gonna tell you that he can’t wait for you to have your baby so he can knock you up again.

Especially because it’s so good.

And you cum pulling his hair and crying his name.

He’s just living for it all, and the breeding kink comes out, and he’s just kind of a mess.

Sasuke is another one that will be like “You’re already pregnant with my child, and you’re still begging me to cum in you?”

He will, though.

And he’ll take whatever pours out on his fingers to push it back inside you.

Shisui

Nasty motherfucker gets turned on when you wear tighter clothes, and he sees your bump bulging underneath.

He’s like “Yeah, I did that. I put that baby in there.”

Omg, god forbid you wear something that makes the bump peek out.

He also kind of wants to make you feel really good because he knows your body is going through a lot making a whole other person.

He’ll insist you sit on his face even more than usual.

With all the contractions and sensitivity, the man’s gonna fuck you every chance he gets.

He also thinks your pregnancy glow is really sexy.

Like, if you’re even the slightest bit horny, he’s got you on your back on the nearest surface.

He just really wants to please you all the time because you’re carrying his baby. Like… he just thinks the sun shines out your ass.

On days where you’re both off, he always tries to convince you to just stay home all day.

He just wants to snuggle and talk and make love all day because he wants you to be pampered in your state.

Some days you let him, and you just take your time with each other.

He’ll make you sit on his face, and when you try to return the favor, he just stops you because “don’t worry about it. We have all day, love.”

And the whole day is just bathed in this ethereal golden glow while he draws countless moans and sighs out of you.

He’s also gonna kiss everywhere on your body, especially your bump.

He knows that body insecurities can come with pregnancy, but he wants to quiet those fears before they even have the chance to develop.

It’s literally all about you. It’s so fucking sweet, and this dork is just wonderful.

OMG, but your kid 100% has his lil dimples. K thx byee.

[izloveshorses]

bro are we about to kiss rn?

college au, 1.6k. maybe this will grow into a full fic? remains to be seen what my silly little brain will come up with next lol

“Do you want me to grab you a drink?” Dmitry asked over the roar of the speakers.

“If you let me follow you,” Anya answered. No way was she going to be left standing alone in the middle of a crowded frat house without a defense against a bunch of drunk football players. 

He laughed and tugged her wrist behind him. She swallowed, unable to focus on anything but the warmth spreading from the contact all the way to her heart. 

This party was a bad idea, she decided. Marfa was friends with a few of the guys in this fraternity, but even though Anya did enjoy the occasional tailgate or basketball game or even her sister’s sorority event, frat house parties were a little too much. Dmitry hated them, too, so neither of them ever accepted Marfa’s invitation until now. He suggested it as a joke, and Anya didn’t see any harm in at least checking it out. But only minutes after arriving, she was already overwhelmed by the smell of alcohol and the crowd of unfamiliar bodies, already wanting to escape. Wanting it to just be her and Dmitry. 

And maybe she was a little bit in love with him, but that was irrelevant. 

Ugh. they should’ve snuck into the greenhouse on the top floor of the biology building again. The hum of the fans and generators were better sounds than whatever music was playing now.

She’d known him since Freshman year, when he sat behind her in an econ lecture everyone was forced to take, and she’d hated him immediately. To her dismay she found out he was friends with Maria and even her new friend, Marfa, and later discovered he was a barista at the cafe she did her homework. They even lived in the same dorm— there was no escaping his self-absorbed smile and apathetic demeanor. 

But the next year, when she got a job at the library and had to work the closing shifts, he’d unintentionally offered to walk her back home, and something shifted. It was small at first. He was always skateboarding back from the computer lab at that hour after working late on one of his projects and would just so happen to pass the library at the exact time she’d need to cross campus. And then she needed her laptop fixed at one point, and of course he was working in the tech support department, and he made a joke about someone finally asking for something other than connecting their Macbook to the wifi, and… well. She realized underneath all that cockiness and brooding angst, they weren’t so different, even if they did come from completely different backgrounds. She stopped insulting him when they were hanging out with Marfa and he stopped teasing her about being too studious for something not worth her time. She learned why he was so bitter and admired how hard he worked to keep his scholarships and earn money to pay for his tuition, and he made her laugh. Through him she saw a side of the world she’d been ignorant of before, and through her he saw a light he’d been blind to. Slowly, with each shared laugh, each hour spent studying together, each midnight drive to Taco Bell, he sort of grew into her best friend. 

And then, for some reason, this year it changed again. Butterflies would stumble into flight in her stomach when she’d make him laugh or he’d casually snag her hand, and there was that one time he tried to teach her how to skateboard and his hands were on her waist to keep her steady and— well. You get the idea. She pieced the clues together and she wasn’t stupid enough to not know what they meant. 

Somehow this boy who acted like he hated the world but would share random facts about the constellations in wonder, who said formal education was a waste of time but aced every project, who pretended like he was invisible in class but secretly knew every answer the professors threw at him, who could drive her insane but knew how to read her mind, had slowly crept into her heart, like he’d always belonged there. She’d realized that now. What she didn’t know, however, was what to do about them. So she did nothing. Because she didn’t know what she would do if she lost him. 

And here she was, standing against the wall at the edge of a party, unable to hide from the truth she was denying, to avoid the way her heart skipped a beat in her chest every time he even stood next to her. 

“So, what now?” Dmitry asked, snapping her out of her thoughts. 

She feigned a smile. “I don’t know the protocol here.” 

“Well, we already said hello to Marfa, the person who invited us.”

“Check.”

“We have our drinks,” he waved his solo cup as punctuation.

“Yes.”

“You’re sporting a crew neck with the school logo, making you fit right into the preppy cliche.”

“It’s comfortable and it’s festive!” 

He rolled his eyes but smiled behind his cup. Of course he’d teased her about that. Tonight he was wearing a flannel over a white t-shirt, the spitting image of the I’m-rebellious-but-I’m-still-vain-enough-to-care-about-my-appearance look. “But what’s next?”

She frowned. “Now, this is the part where we go dance, but the music is… bad.” 

“That’s fair.”

“Or, alternatively, I think this could be the part where we mingle, but I don’t know anyone here.”

“That hasn’t stopped you before.”

She looked up at him then. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve seen you at football games and stuff, you’re good at making friends.” He shrugged. “Or just… finding something to talk about and including everyone. I used to envy you for that, you know.”

She snorted. “You’re good at talking to people too.”

“Yeah, but not like… you know. I’m good at being charming, but you genuinely like people.” She didn’t know how to respond so she didn’t, making him shake his head. “Just accept the compliment already, Romanov.”

She grinned. “I guess I can’t think of a reason anyone else here is worth my time.”

He tilted his cup back. After a quiet moment passed he spoke again. “Can I ask you something?” She glanced up, waiting for whatever question he had for her. “Why waste your time with me, then?”

Her brow furrowed. “I don’t think you’re a waste of time.”

“Yeah, but you could get along with literally anyone else here, and you choose to stand against this wall with me to complain instead.”

Her throat tightened. Couldn’t he see it? Wasn’t it written all over her face? She’d sit in a walmart parking lot with him if he asked. The words that would ruin their friendship bubbled up and she was the world’s worst liar and there was no hiding from those dark eyes of his and the silence was growing and— 

“This is the part where I get some air,” she stuttered, stumbling outside before he could respond or see what she was thinking.

She found a quiet spot on the wooden deck in the backyard, the breeze sending a chill down her back. She set her drink down and fiddled with the cuffs of her sleeves that stretched long past her fingertips. This party was definitely a terrible idea— now her head was cloudy and she almost slipped up her words and there were too many people around. Maybe sneaking into the greenhouse again would’ve also been a terrible idea, because who knew what she would’ve done if she’d been alone with him, but at least no one would be watching her fall apart like she was now. 

“Anya, are you okay?”

Oh no.

Dmitry’s footsteps fell behind her and she couldn’t bear to turn around yet. “I’m sorry if I said something to upset you.”

“No, you didn’t!” she turned then, hoping her resolve wouldn’t crumble and that he would let her be. “I’m fine.”

He saw right through her. Taking her hand, he said, “We can go, if you want.”

“No, I’m fine.”

He nodded, and her eyes fell to the hand enveloping hers, keeping her warm. “I’ll leave you alone, then. If you’re okay.”

But the thought of his hand pulling away made her panic. “Don’t go.”

She didn’t have to look up to know he was confused. But he stepped closer again, back to his original spot, and then another step. And another. His other hand found her freezing one and her shoulders relaxed.

Still staring at his hands, she mumbled, “You’re never a waste of time. Not to me.”

When she risked a glance up at him the column of his throat bobbed. His eyes searched hers and she was too tired to look away and hide, and when he found whatever it was he was looking for he smiled, a quiet one that only creased his dimples a little bit. And then to her shock he asked, “Is this the part where we kiss?��

Her heart tripped over itself like it was falling down the stairs. She blinked rapidly, her brain not prepared for this tonight. “You tell me.”

His grin spread, and she almost laughed at herself for thinking she once hated it. But then he leaned in and all thoughts that had nothing to do with the way his lips tasted or the way his hand felt under her sweatshirt on her back or how soft his hair was between her fingers or how sturdy his chest was under her palm were no longer important. No, nothing mattered now in this moment, except the inexplicable happiness spreading from her chest down to every tip of her limbs, so much that she couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped her lips into his smiling mouth, because she was kissing Dmitry and she was a little bit in love with him and he was kissing her back. 

She made a mental note to thank Marfa later for the invitation to the party. 

[masc-reader-insertss]

Comfort- kyle spencer

i'm rewatching coven rn and i've been thinking about writing this for so loooong. reader is a warlock staying at the academy, and he and kyle have been dating for over a year when kyle dies. after his boyfriends death he completely shuts down, until he finds out that he has been resurrected by zoe and madison. reader runs to kyle's house to see him, only to find him covered in blood, terrified and confused.

TW!! mentions of death, sexual abuse, dysphoria, suicidal thoughts and self harm

——

y/n had seen a lot of death in his life. at only five, he's been the sole survivor of the brutal murders in his home. the event had traumatised him, and left affected him how whole life. after his parents murder, he had been taken in by his grandmother, and she became the one he was closest too. she taught him everything he knew about witchcraft, he'd been raised on tradition, just like his grandmother had, and when his powers began to show when he'd turned sixteen she had been there to guide him. he was a psychic, only able to see the past at first. as soon as he made contact with someone, he could see into their past. not long after his powers first manifested, he was overwhelmed with death again. his grandmother had fallen gravely ill, a brain tumour was the diagnosis. she's only lasted another week, and y/n was destroyed. on the day of his grandmother's funeral, already so emotionally drained from loosing his only other parental figure, he'd been told that his powers were becoming too strong to go without proper guidance anymore, and since his grandmother had passed, he'd be forced to attend an academy. he was supposed to be sent off to one of the most prestigious warlock academies in the country, but it was clear he would never be able to afford such a place, his grandmother hadn't had much money at all, and it was not anywhere near enough to pay for such a school like that. luckily for him, his grandmother was a very well known, and prized ex student of the robichaux academy, and though there had never been an exception like this before, due to his grandmother status, and the most unfortunate circumstances, cordelia had been willing to help him.

y/n had always been quiet after all he'd been through. he kept to himself most of the time. he'd only been at the party where he'd met kyle because he'd forced himself to try to and finally make friends. he'd already wanted leave only ten minuets into the party, it was all too loud for him, and the smell of alcohol was overwhelming. y/n was sat down on the stairs outside, holding an untouched drink in his hands and staring down at it. "you're new around here, right?" y/n was startled at the sudden voice next to him, and he looked over to the source. a boy his age, with curly blonde hair and the prettiest brown eyes that y/n had ever seen. "yeah.. never been to a party before" he gave a small smile before he spoke up again. "too many drunk people.. not my crowd" kyle laughed, shaking his head a little and holding his hand out for y/n's cup. "i can get you some water, if you want" he offered, and y/n felt his smile widen as he handed the alcohol to the other teen. "thank you.." he gave a small hum, and looked back at his lap, playing with his hands. it seemed like this party wasn't so bad after all.

that night was the first of many that they spent together. kyle was the only person y/n ever fully opened up to after loosing his grandmother. not even a month after they first started talking they developed feelings for each other. any free time they had they spent together, y/n always felt happy with him, and every time they touched, even if y/n always had to keep his hands covered due to his powers, his face would flush red, and he didn't miss the way kyle would look away, as if he were trying to hide his own blush. surprisingly, y/n had been the one to make the first move. they were both curled up on kyle's bed watching a movie when y/n spoke up. "i got something i need to tell you" y/n looked over at kyle, his nerves growing as he waited for a response. kyle hummed quietly and reached for the remote to pause the movie. y/n was different to anyone else kyle had met before, he felt more comfortable with him than he'd felt with anyone else. he was the first person that he hadn't grown up around that he'd come out to, and of course y/n accepted him, in fact he was the only person to know who didn't see him any differently afterwards. "what's up" he smiled, tilting his head a little while he listened to y/n

y/n hesitated before he continued to speak, biting his lip a little. "i- i like you kyle, like.. really like you" he spoke so quietly kyle almost couldn't hear him. "and i know you probably don't feel the same way but i just- i needed to tell you and.." before y/n could even think he leant in to kiss kyle, and as soon as their lips touched y/n knew that kyle felt the same way, he could see it. when they both pulled back they both grinned at each other, and kyle took y/n's gloved hands, holding them gently. "i like you too" he leant in to kiss y/n again, at least he attempted to, but all he could do was smile against his lips, and y/n did the same, letting out a giggle. after everything he'd had to deal with in his life, y/n was finally finding happiness.

y/n was always there for kyle no matter what, there were countless nights spent with y/n holding kyle close and comforting him while he cried in his arms, overcome with dysphoria. y/n would always kiss away his tears and gently run his hands through his hair to soothe him while he reassured him that he was the most handsome man he’d ever seen, and it would always end with kyle falling asleep curled up against him. y/n had never know. what true love felt like till he met kyle, and kyle always told him that he felt the same. the two were so madly in love with each other, there was no denying it.

the night of the party y/n had a feeling something was going to go wrong. it was a gut feeling that he had, and he just couldn't shake it. kyle could tell that something was wrong the moment he'd walked through the door, and when he came up behind y/n to wrap his arms around him he'd flinched. kyle had never seen him flinch before. "hey, what's wrong?" he frowned gently as he leant in to press a kiss to y/n's cheek, and y/n signed quietly, placing his hands over top of kyle's hands. "i just.. feel weird.. like something's off" he mumbled, turning his head to kiss kyle for a moment. "if you don't wanna be here, we can go hang out in the frat's bus till the party's over" he offered, but y/n just shook his head. "i'm sure it's nothing.. i'll be fine" he forced a smile and looked up at kyle. he didn't want to ruin the party for his boyfriend, whatever it was, it couldn't have been anything severe. he would have been able to see whatever it was if he needed to, he was sure of it, but when he'd seen kyle run off frantically after the rest of his frat brothers not even half way into the party though, he began to wonder if he'd been wrong.

y/n began follow after his boyfriend till he was joined by zoe. "those sick fucks- they hurt madison!" she yelled, and y/n frowned in confusion, following zoe out of the house as they chased after the group. "kyle was chasing after them, like he was pissed at them or something.." he mumbled. before they even had a chance of catching up with any of the guys from the frat though, the bus was already speeding off down the road. "they can't get away with this.." zoe whispered as they both watched the bus. "whatever they did.. kyle won't let them get away with it" y/n looked over at madison as she joined them silently, and he pulled off one of his gloves to gently place his hand on her arm, and what he saw made him want to be sick. he knew now why kyle had been so frantic as he left.

y/n wrapped his arms around himself as he looked back at the bus. "how could anyone-" y/n was cut off when he watched the bus his boyfriend was in go flying through the air, and in that moment he could feel his heart stop. the bus tumbled down the road, and y/n brought his hands up to his mouth in a silent scream, dropping to his knees. the world around him seemed to fall silent as he hit the pavement below him, he could only hear a distant screaming, and he soon realised it was his own as he curled over on the ground, sobs of pain radiating through him. the bus had come to a stop now, and y/n scrambled to get up, his shaking legs giving out each time he tried to stand. "kyle- oh god" he whimpered, looking over at the bus that lay still only a few yards down the road. the love of his life was in that bus right now, and y/n already knew he was dead. he understood now what that feeling deep down inside was now, and kyle was dead because he hadn't listen to that feeling.

y/n shut himself off after that night. he had barley slept, every time he closed his eyes he saw kyle's lifeless eyes staring back at him, and he would break out into hysterical sobs, clawing at himself till he bled. nothing anyone could say would bring him any comfort, and he spent almost all of him days curled up in his bed staring at the wall till he would inevitably pass out from sleep deprivation, and even then, the nightmares would wake him up not long after. it was always the same one, the morgue, kyle's mutilated body laying on the examination table, and he'd always wake up screaming again. all he wanted was to be wrapped up in his arms again, without kyle it felt like a part of him was missing, and he'd never feel whole again.

"y/n.. you have to talk to us" zoe sat outside the door to y/n's room, leaning her head against the door. y/n hadn't spoken a word to anyone since the night kyle died, and they were all worried about him. they could all see just how much y/n and kyle loved each other, any time they were around each other it was obvious, it was the only time y/n ever truly smiled, and so they all knew just how much it killed him when he died. that was why when madison had suggested the absolutely insane idea of bringing kyle back to life, she had agreed. it was risky, they barley knew what they were doing, and it was even more risky when they decided to give him a new body, it didn't feel right to bring him back in the body that had caused him so much pain before he died. they weren't even sure if it would actually work, but when it did, it was obvious that it hadn't worked the way they intended it to. kyle was alive, but he didn't seem at all human.

zoe wanted to tell y/n that kyle was alive, but she felt like seeing him this way would only hurt him even more. they'd tried everything they could to fix him, but nothing worked. it was a last ditch attempt, the only thing she could think of that might help fix him would be to take him back home. there was a small click, the sound of y/n turning the lock, and then the door slid open, y/n slowly peaking out from the open door. "i miss him" was all he said, and he sounded so broken that zoe just had to tell him. "he's alive.. we brought him back but- but he's not.. him" zoe looked over at y/n, and his eyes widened at her words. "where is he?" y/n whispered, his mind raced as he tried to process what he'd just heard. "he's at his house, i wasn't gonna tell you yet because something went wrong.." y/n leapt forward and threw his arms around zoe, hugging her as tight as he could. "thank you" his eyes brimmed with tears, but for the first time since that night, they were tears of happiness. kyle was alive, and he was going to see him again.

no matter how many times zoe tried to warn him, y/n didn't listen. the only thought on his mind was seeing his love again. as y/n arrived at kyle's house, he could immediately sense something was wrong. the door was already open when he went to knock, and when he called out, there was silence. slowly he made his way through the eerily silent house, and when he reached kyle's room, he let out a gasp at the gruesome sight in front of him. kyle's mother lay dead on the floor, her head wide open. y/n stumbled back in shock, spinning around when he backed into something. it was kyle, he was standing right in front of him, covered in blood. y/n was silent for a moment as he looked up at him, tears rolling down his face when he finally spoke "what did you do kyle.." he whispered as he slipped off his gloves and reached up to cup kyle's face, flinching when his wrists were grabbed. "i'm not gonna hurt you" he spoke gently, looking up into kyle's terrified and confused eyes, and when kyle slowly released his grip y/n reached up to hold his face, his eyes widening while he let out a sob at everything that flashed through his mind. "oh god.. i'm so sorry" he cried as he pulled his hand back, throwing his arms around kyle. kyle let out a grunt, leaning against y/n as his arms hung limply at his sides. y/n could see now what zoe meant. kyle was here, but he was different, in a bad way.

y/n pulled back and looked up at kyle, reaching a hand up to brush his hair out of his face. "you're covered in blood.. let's get you cleaned up" he spoke softly, taking kyle's hands to gently lead him to the bathroom. he could see the scar around his neck under his shirt collar, and it made his heart hurt to think about just what he looked like before he'd been sewn back together. kyle could only let out groans and grunts as y/n set him down on the edge of the bath. y/n hesitantly reached his hands forward to begin to unbutton his shirt, his eyes widening as he slipped it off of him. "they didn't tell me they did this.." he whispered as he ran a hand over kyle's chest, looking up at him. kyle stared back at him blankly, and y/n knew he probably couldn't understand a word he said. it was like he wasn't even human anymore.

y/n helped kyle into the bath kneeling down to run his hand through his hair. "i'm so sorry.. i should have known something was gonna go wrong that night.. i could have stopped this" y/n watched kyle with tears in his eyes as he stared back blankly at him. "i wish you would just talk to me" kyle reached a hand out shakily and slowly placed it on y/n's cheek, and y/n leant into his touch, closing his eyes for a moment. it didn't feel right, this wasn't kyle. not really. he was only a shell, barely even living. y/n pulled back from kyle's touch to start washing the blood from him. kyle would flinch every few moments, and y/n pulled away after a few minuets with a quiet sigh. "you're making this much more difficult than it needs to be" he mumbled and shook his head, reaching for a towel. he turned around, holding his arms out for kyle to come towards him.

before y/n had even realised his mistake it was too late. kyle shot up from the bath in panic, and y/n stepped back, looking up at him. "i'm sorry kyle, i didn't mean to-" kyle let out a yell, swinging his arms out at y/n, who fell back with a yelp as he was hit in the chest. nothing he could say would calm kyle down, all he could do was cower against the wall as kyle yelled and screamed and stomped around. "i'm sorry.." he whimpered, pulling his knees to his chest as he watched kyle. kyle tugged at his hair as he stomped around. he could hear y/n trying to talk to him, and he wanted to talk back so bad, but he just /couldn't/. he didn't know how. no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't get the words out, and it made him so frustrated that all he could do was scream. he didn't want to hurt anyone, but he couldn't control himself. he was scared, so scared, he didn't understand what was wrong with him. he could see y/n, and he was scared, terrified, of /him/. kyle dropped down to his knees in front of y/n, tugging at his hair with a quiet sob. all he wanted was to be normal again, he was sick of being this monster.

y/n hesitantly moved forward to wrap his arms around kyle, and this time kyle hugged him back, burying his face in y/n's neck as he let out another broken sob, mumbling incoherently. y/n held kyle close, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead, just like he’d done so many other nights, before all of this had torn their lives apart. "it's gonna be okay, i've got you.. i promise i'll take care of you this time" y/n whispered, stroking kyle's hair gently as he clung to him. y/n didn't know what he was going to do, but he knew that he had to fix kyle, he had to be there for him, he /wouldn't/ fail him this time.

[fishnets-fingers]

HE'S NOT PULLING OUT THE WAY MAM! NO! (don't tell me he's trying to self harm or such)

“I’ll get my stuff and be out of your hair.”- thanks for respecting her decision H.

Abi is so sweet omg I LOVE HER

The way Vasanth and Abi handled him was <333333

Wait, what did just Abi and Layla talk about? I'm kinda confused but the way our Kutti's mood lifted for a while, warmed my up.

"But then again, Layla didn’t want a protector and some things were just not under twenty year old Harry’s control. A lesson he will learn soon. He heads downstairs, in search of his mum."- .........still a suspense but my heart is pacing less fast now.

Harry was giving both of us pressure for no reason.

If I was Anne, I'd be sobbing happy tears that my son is so grown up and is in love, later (ofc)

I feel warm. Like I’m cozy. Like it’s meant to be.- awwwh come, gimme a hug, someone.

Many people don't know when they're in love, H. (Just like how your writer, Maya, doesn't knows that she's in love with me ;))

I also learnt about Anxiety attacks, panic attacks and asthma attacks this afternoon, and it really does feel good when you're filled with everything you wanted to know.

ahhhh, so much stress!!

(I felt like such a rich and bitch aunt who divorced her husband rn lmao)

"Hi. Can you come over please? If that’s alright with you. Please let yourself in with the emergency spare key that Anne has."- AWH HELL YEAH

“No, please, let me finish. I just want you to tell me that you’d never look at me like I’m this broken little thing you need to protect or fix. I’m thankful that you helped with the whole waxing and waning of the panic attack. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I just want you to look at me the same way that you did before Monday. Can you do that?”- please my baby say yes.

"I won’t try to be your knight in shining armour...you are strong and I will do my best to stand by your side and support you" HEEYYY THAT'S MAH MAN

“Can I sit next to you or at least hold your hand?” “No,”- this scared me that Lails is angry, cause after some fight or may be an attck, my sister does this and IT LITERALLY STABS.

Oh the thin sticks hurt like a BITCH, like there leave marks for fucking ever

Me and my laugh about how she used to hit me and sis when we were young, so I get Lails.

Imma try and sleep may be.

Will read the rest tmorrow and please have sweet dreams mah-ma-maya (is it okay if I all you that?)

<33333

Hello there Aprajita!!! Your reactions literally give me LIFE babe. To clear up a few things:

- No, Harry wasn’t trying to self harm. He was just pulling out the weeds.

- Abi told Layla that her pregnancy resulted in a small bump and Layla was feeling it. I think I wrote about her telling her pregnancy to her in part six, if I’m not wrong. So they were just talking about it a little.

- Coming to that suspense sentence, hmm… is it a sentence that was resolved in this chapter or will it come back and tie up nicely in a future chapter? You will never know. Muhahaha. 😈

- I’m in love with you now, is it? Hmmm… 🙃

- Good on you for learning more about anxiety, panic and asthma attacks! You go girl! 🥳

- Thin sticks are the literal worst. And the welts. #fuckthinsticksgang

- Also, I bloody love that you call me mah-ma-maya. It’s so cute, I replied the same to the ask you sent me but this hellsite is broken :/

Happy dreams, Aparajita! Hope to see your reactions for the rest as well.

Tbh, with absolutely no response and the next to notes I get for my posts are extremely discouraging. You and a few others make it so much more rewarding. Thank you 😘

[aadyeah]

Rant. About anything. I’m here for you. Ready? Set? Go.

YEAH SO DONT FORGET I AM GOING TO PUT THIS SAME ASK IN YOUR INBOX TOO

okay so my head hurts. like it legit hurts. I have had two breakdowns since morning (its past midnight rn). Idk it was like I was crying on totally small things. things that I easily sail through. 

My nerve endings are still frayed I guess. You know, I am hypersensitive to loud sounds and my ma just wouldn't stop shouting in the hours I had the breakdowns. I had an anxiety attack on my toilet seat because I could hear her shouting about how big of a failure I am. 

I can’t even tell you how many times people have given me the ‘don't make a scene’ or ‘stop overreacting’ face. My family even tells me that shit. Somehow I believed that I was an attention seeker for crying out. 

But so, so many times, I have had attacks alone in my room. Alone in the bathroom, like today. Outside of a classroom. So many times with no one to see me. I am so, so, so frayed. 

I was almost about to fail my one note a day self-harm post. So close. Oh my god, washrooms hold the weirdest secrets. This is the worst I have been this year. I honestly felt numb for the better part of the day.

Idk how or when but I fell asleep at some point after 1 pm and I woke up to sO many of these binary-coded rickrolling. It took my mind off the depreciating shit I was going through.

I can’t explain how much it affected my mood. I am so thankful to everyone who sent me rando shit.

I am so grateful for having awesome online friends like you. Thank you. I love you all.

[the-worst-fe-player]

Sort of hiatus I'm not sure how to describe it

I'm just gonna be rebloging for a long while and probably wont talk in the tags (I'll still tag triggers and characters dw), commits or dms sorry to those who dm me recently I get round to you and thank you so much I'm just honstly I'm so sorry I understand if your angry I really do I'm sorry you can be mean I understand I'm sorry I understand that's not good enough. My reason in the cut but genral trigger warning for drinking, depression, anxity, suicidalthoughts, self harm, eating disorder, very minor mention of sex, and covid 19

I can't deal with this anymore I just struggling in general I wanna run away from the world but I understand I can't but everything is to much I can't deal with it though every day I'm drinking crying and finding out some way to hurt myself I haven't stared cutting agin but I hurt myself in other ways like through sex stuff, hitting myself and purpholsy reading stuff that will trigger me like abuse fics and stuff about sexual assault and I don't know why I do this sometimes I feel like different people and its fucking scary and idk how to deal with this and its scary and with the fear of my dad having covid it's even worse I cant handle it I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared idk what to do I have to be the strong one in the family but I'm not strong I'm a pathetic cry baby that cant go a day without drinking or cry I don't have an alcohol problem but I'm very dependent on it. I'm always beening watch by something idk what It is but i can feel it so in always on edge I'm never happy but fandom is one of the few things that make me happy but even then I'm scared to take part as j have to talk to people and I'm scared honstly thank you for following there are many people on this website I genraly love and care for even if we don't talk to much but like I'm really scared of you all I'm scared of disappointing you I'm scared of upsetting you I'm scared to voice my own oppion and I don't mean that in the right wing way because my political oppions I will speak on I'm very left wing and I don't want nazi cunts on here I mean harmless fandom shit. I'm scared but like even if it's a craply meme I base my hole self worth on how many notes it gets honsly witch is fucking stupid for somone who is scared of large amounts of people but I am fucking stupid. I'm just scared of everything and I can't take it so that's why I'll be quite for a while idk how long this will ge could be a week could be months idk. just eden was right I'm worthless the only thing I'm good for is severing others but even that I can't do right because master left probly because of my shitty gag reflex he had a massive dick that I wouldnt have been able to handle Im worthless and I wanna be alone but I'm scared to be alone but being alone is safest so I don't hurt anyone I haven't speakne to my irl friends for weeks because of this I just wanna die but I'm to much of a coward now a days to do it iv also put on weight tha only body type I look good as is a really skinny one apartly I don't have to face to be chubby but I am chubby so I'm ugly and not good enough so Iv stared throwing up after meals again after I took that selfie and noticed how fat my cheeks are but alcohol has so much calories and shit in it but I can't stop drinking it so I'm gonna be fat ugly and alone forever because in the end I'm never good enough everyone leaves me. But yeah I'm sorry for this I just got to vent but long story shot cant handled everything rn so apart from YouTube no original content for a while though my icon blog will still promblem have stuff as it's a stress relief thing

[restingdomface]

Okay I can’t believe I’m going there, but, Lan Wangji’s magical healing cock and also mpreg AU:

Okay. So. Instead of Jin Zixuan being a dick to his crush, he genuinly never had a crush on her at all, and in fact, it never came to light until the Sunshit Campaign started, but JZX had a crush on Jiang Cheng all along. Jiang Cheng, who, reluctantly, returns his affections. Wei Wuxian is disgusted. His brother has terrible taste in men wtf.

So. Things went differently this time. What’s the change here? Meng Yao never left Nie Mingjue’s side. Of course, he did the spying thing, but he never betrayed him (this could be a part of my idea where NMJ and MY plan to actually have him be a spy and send him off after a planned execution of a soldier that NMJ decided needed a death sentence more than banishment, or, an AU where MY presented the idea to Wen Rouhan that his coming to WRH’s side was the betrayel itself). Now how does this change things? Because I honestly and truly think that if MY didn’t go to Jin Guangshan’s side afterwards, JGS wouldn’t have had the sway to execute anyone else in the Wen Family, or do anything horrible like that.

TBH he tries to wipe out the rest of the Wens, but it goes so badly and this time MY isn’t on his side (lol you know JGS would have tried tho, imagine how humiliating it would have been to be publicly denied by your own bastard son at the banquet after wow) and so JGS ends up removed from power entirely and JZX gets made sect leader instead.

This means, that since JZX is about to marry JC, they’re going to have to move to LanlingJin instead of both of them arguing over if they’d move to Lotus Pier or not. Cause they would argue over that. This means that Jiang Cheng is going to be the next Young Master Jin and Jiang Yanli is now officially the Jiang Sect Leader. Nice.

So. We’re rid of JGS and everyone’s happy and MY probably isn’t gonna kill anyone cause now he can marry NMJ in peace and not have to deal with anyone else, where does LWJ’s magic healing dick come in? Hold on I’m getting to it. Impatient.

So. The Wens. Of course, before JGS was removed from power, Wei Wuxian was actually running around saving Wen survivors and gathering them in the Burial Mounds, so he actually has to be coaxed into leaving by his siblings and LWJ and even JZX and NMJ (who thinks this is rather like that one time he had to coax Nie Huaisang out from under his bed when he became convinced NMJ’s cat was a demon because it wouldn’t stop attacking his songbird and he couldn’t come out cause she was in the room and she would steal his soul but she’s just sitting on the windowsill and meowing at them and NMJ is just silently planning to feed her more and keep her away from the atrium and tbh plz NHS you’re 16 years old you’re too old for this plz stop crying) and it’s great. It’s just great.

Anyways. WWX is paranoid af. Like so fucking paranoid. Cause they have been attacked. He’s got 12 year old girls talking about what the adult men in the Jin sect did to them. He’s got a traumatized toddler on his hip that screams when he sees Jin robes. He’s got children with branded scarring on their faces and wounds you can’t even imagine to come from anything but torture. He’s paranoid. He’s trying to keep the kiddos safe. They’re healers, and he’s given them the tools to heal, but they’re scared, and he’s paranoid without his Golden Core, and he’s scared, and he’s not putting down the toddler plz stop asking, he’s keeping this one, shut up.

So. What can he do but make a few demands? The Lan sect may have strict rules, but they would never attack innocent civilians, and they have rules about killing even animals in Gusu. He asks them to send all the Lan guards they can to escort them to GusuLan. He doesn’t think they’d hurt them in YunmengJiang either, but he can’t risk it. He was there when Lotus Pier burned. Cloud Recesses didn’t lose nearly as many people, and he’s still too traumatized to spend much time in LP rn.

So they go to Cloud Recesses. This actually, also gives the other sects a lot of time to get some glimpses at everyone that came from the Burial Mounds.

Not a single one of them was a cultivator.

This is a little different than canon. WWX can’t handle the loss of his golden core in this one. Not to say that he shouldn’t have done it, but that the resentful energy is dragging him down to the point where all he can feel is paranoia and fear. He’s almost completely unresponsive at this point. He follows after LWJ when told to, and he holds little A-Yuan in his arms, but he doesn’t pay much attention to anyone.

Wen Qing tells them of the loss of his core, but not how it happened. Lan Qiren doesn’t much like WWX still, but he accepts that a cornered animal will bite, and WWX lost his main weapon right before a major war. Of course he would do all he could to keep himself safe.

Jiang Yanli offers for the Wen Survivors to be integrated into YunmengJiang, since they lost so many people. It could help a lot. They accept, since she’s offering them protection and help.

Of course, Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli used to Spend A Lot Of Time Together in Cloud Recesses, so love is blooming there between the two sect leaders, and by the end of a year, they’re getting married themselves.

WWX doesn’t go back to LP with them. He couldn’t do it. A-Yuan and Granny and Wen Ning stay with him in Cloud Recesses. Granny talks with Wen Qing regularly, and A-Yuan is attached to Lan Wangji enough that Lan Xichen starts mentioning that he could attend classes there when he’s old enough. LXC is a WangXian shipper and is trying to get his brother to adopt the child. Y’all know he would. WWX spends his time arguing (loudly, but in a room with magical wards for sound so they don’t get in trouble) with a Lan mind healer that talks through his bullshit with him, sleeping the day away in one of the rooms of the Jingshi (because LWJ made him move in right away and WWX couldn’t even argue cause A-Yuan loves him too and he can ask LWJ to play Their Song whenever he wants to hear it) and following after A-Yuan as he enchants (and terrifies) all the rabbits in the field. Also getting yelled at (softly) by LQR for breaking rules. LQR and LWJ have been making it their personal mission to find a way to either purify the resentful energy so WWX can go back to his normal cheerful self that doesn’t jump or hide when startled, or to regain a Golden core so the yin and yang energies can balance each other and keep him stable.

Of course, JYL sends him a message that she’s getting married, and WWX pulls himself out of the fog enough that he can ask them to go to the wedding (he’s being polite, he’s going no matter what they say lol,) and LWJ accompanies him to the wedding. His siblings are so happy to see him there.

Anyways. Things get rocky when WWX hears them talking about kids.

Jiang Yanli will carry Jin Zixuan’s children, and they’ll keep the Jin name. They’ll know that all four of them are their parents, but it’s a way to pass on the name.

Wen Qing will carry Jiang Cheng’s children, and they’ll carry the Jiang name. This also helps to keep track of what kids are heir to what sect.

Of course, Wei Wuxian, the master of ‘I know The Most Obscure Bullshit Ever’, asks why they don’t just have their spouses children. There are spells and potions for that.

Well. No one else in the room knew that but him apparently. Well, they’re still going to go with their idea for the first few kids, and then they’ll decide if other means of pregnancy options are viable.

Anyways. Guess who else didn’t know it was possible for men to get pregnant? You guessed it. Lan Wangji. Who was also in the room at the time.

So. Wedding is lovely. They all have an amazing time. WWX is able to pull himself out of bed every day. He was even able to work on some cultivation items that LQR begrudgingly admits are amazing items and very useful to cultivation.

They go back to Cloud Recesses, and Lan Wangji combs through his and his uncle’s notes till he finds a viable solution to a return of a Golden core that they had originally scrapped because WWX wasn’t a girl.

To return a Golden core to a body by means of very careful pregnancy. Of course, such a thing would be considered stealing under normal circumstances, and most mothers would rather die than harm their child in the womb in a way that could kill them. But this was a method made to keep both parent and child from harm. A way to build the slightest lump of core in the parent, enough to stick and allow a base to build off of later.

Of course, without consulting Uncle (because the man would be horrified at the idea, and LWJ would rather be rejected by the man himself thanks very much) he takes the proposal to the man in question.

WWXA has to think about this one for a long time. He thinks about it while helping Wen Ning with zombie stuff so he can maintain a stable body. He thinks about it while writing letters to his siblings. He thinks a LOT about it while tucking their two year old into bed and reading him a story with the funny voices. He thinks about it when he spends a night in the cold springs with LWJ one night, close enough to touch the man, because without a Golden core, the water is too cold for him to survive in on his own.

He asks why LWJ would besmirch his honor like that. Having a child out of wedlock, his uncle would throw a fit. His name would be in tatters.

LWJ blinks, once, and twice. He quietly tells him the offer could involve marriage if WWX thinks it’s of import.

So. They get married. So they can have a child. Another child. Just. Yeah. Let’s get married so we can mate like rabbits.

They’re in love. Of course they are. But they’re also shy idiots. LWJ is a sex fiend like usual, and WWX quickly gets addicted to it, but they’re both too shy to say anything sappy yet. Well. No. Scratch that. LWJ is fully willing to admit his love to the world. But he’s a very quiet person. So he mostly just tells WWX how much he would do anything for him, and even eats his horrible poison cooking. Not even A-Yuan will touch that shit.

A-Yuan is so excited to be a big brother. His favorite place to lay is curled around WWX’s big belly and giving it kisses while A-Die scratches his hair and reads him stories.

A-Yuan finally gets his baby and Wei Wuxian gets the stability that a Golden core provides so he can continue using resentful energy to dodge the many many scrolls Shifu Qiren will throw at him over the years to come. LQR swears that if that man hadn’t given his nephew happiness and also many great nephews-

Anyways. The Lotus Flowers are all gay and all happy send tweet.