#like tell me you havent read the sleeping beauty books without telling me

[nodominion]

“Immediately Prince Alexi moved to put his lips to the seam in the Prince’s breeches. With a skill that amazed Beauty he unsnapped the hooks that concealed the Prince’s bulging sex, and revealed it. The organ was enlarged and hardened, and Prince Alexi freed it from the cloth now and tenderly kissed it. But he was in great pain still and when the Prince thrust the organ into Prince Alexi’s mouth he was not prepared for it. He fell backwards a little on his knees and had to reach for the Prince, caressingly, to stop himself from falling. But immediately he sucked the Prince’s organ, and he did it with great back and forth motions that amazed Beauty, his eyes closed, his hands hovering at his sides ready for the Prince’s command.”

“The Prince kicked Prince Alexi’s legs wide apart and taking Beauty’s head roughly in his left hand so that he might kiss her, he drove his organ into Prince Alexi’s anus.

Prince Alexi moaned at the roughness and swiftness of the thrusts. Beauty felt the pressure against her as Prince Alexi was driven ever more quickly by it. The Prince had let her go, and she was crying. She held tight to Prince Alexi, and then the Prince gave his final thrust with a moan, his hands pressed to Prince Alexi’s back, and he stood still letting his pleasure course through him.”

Excerpt from: Claiming of Sleeping Beauty (1983) -Anne Rice

[a-really-mediocre-writer]

Night Time Reading

ENID RHEE X F!READER

SUMMARY: hint is in the title, very fluffy very short imagine of Y/N, a young member of the Hilltop, and Enid reading together :)

———

“You crashing on my couch again, Rhee?” You said with a smile as you approached your new best friend who had been at Hilltop with you and your people for the last week after her group were ambushed by Negan. The whole ordeal brought back a lot of memories, so it was easier to empathise with Maggie, Enid and Sasha than it was with Gregory (though most situations ended up with you not being able to understand or empathise with him). Although Enid wanted to stay in the trailer that Maggie and Sasha were staying in, there wasn’t enough room for all three of them, so you had offered to rent out yours and your sisters trailer to the young girl, as your sister had just been sent out scavenging for supplies to give to Negan’s men. She was a little apprehensive at first, but thankful for the small space we had to offer.

“Yeah- Thank you again, for letting me stay here.” The girl replied sheepishly and continued to make her makeshift bed uncomfortably on the small sofa. You watched her as you leaned against the wall and drank a cup of cold water. “It’s no problem, it gets really lonely sometimes when my sister isn’t here…” You trail off and stare into space for a few seconds before snapping out of it.

“Hey, how about we have a girls-night-sleepover-thing?” You announce excitedly and this peaks her interest, “We could…umm…We could pretend there’s music playing and dance…pretend to paint each others nails and tell stories- Oh! I can show you some good books I’ve read-“ You pace around the space with a wide smile as if asking Enid for approval. She smiles back at you and replies, “That sounds awesome! Let’s do it!”

———

The night was great- you both shared stories on what it was like for you both on the road and at your communities, and for once you both felt like at least slightly normal teenagers.

Now you were both in your bed, a thin blanket resting over the both of you as you both sat up against the wall closely, you with your latest book in your hands and Enid with her head leaning gently on your shoulder. Your body stiffened at the contact at first, neither of you saying anything before you relax and smile to yourself as you rest your cheek on the top of her head slightly. At this, Enid sighs with relief quietly and shuts her eyes as she begins to drift off to the rhythmic rising and falling of your chest.

You heard her breathing deeper and assumed that she had drifted off to sleep. Not knowing what to do with the now unconscious girl lay against your side you decided that the best move would be to not move at all, so that’s what you did. Around a half hour after you put your book down next to you in order to focus on not awaking the beautiful girl leaning on you, you also found yourself drifting off to sleep, slowly sinking into the corner that you were lay against and as a result, both you and Enid were lay next to each other- her arm over your chest and leg over yours, attaching herself to you and refusing to let go.

In that moment there, without being consciously aware if what was happening, you were both each others and no one else’s. The world seemed to grown silent as you both held each other gradually pulling your chests closer while you were both fast asleep. This was paradise.

———

as i said… VERY short lmao, but i hope you enjoyed it, i havent written in so long <\3

[s4ijoh]

meet me halfway (across the globe). suna rintarou

SUNA RINTAROU X GN! READER

GENRE: slice of life; facetime call; fluff

WORD COUNT: 1.4k+

WARNINGS: established relationship; mentions of stress

in which suna is somewhere far away…

[10:22] rin: “you up?”

[10:23] rin: “big game tomorrow morning.”

[10:23] rin: “cant’ sleep. need to see u.”

the phone buzzing on the bedside table startles you out of your morning somnolence. the empty spot in bed next to you feels a weird type of unfamiliar. you drowsily stretch your arms out, reaching for the ringing device while dragging out a loud yawn.

you are taken aback by surprise once you take a look at the numbers displayed on your phones lock screen: 10:25am. its already past midnight in his timezone. he shouldn’t be up this late.

swiping through your phone's screen, you waste no time in dialling his number once you come across the green facetime icon and luckily, it is only a brief moment until he is picking up and oh boy are you met with a sight to behold. if it werent for your concern, you could’ve just stayed there, marvelling in awe at your boyfriend, sitting shirtless against the headboard in all his glory. his pale skin is gleaming a beautiful shade of orange under the dim light of the table lamp thus reminiscing a statue made of gold; his tousled, black feathery hair sticking in all different directions yet with just a few loose strands cascading down the sides of his temple and framing his face in such way that made him look effortlessly handsome.

he looked as beautiful as ever. however, despite the apparent picture perfect scenario, you would be a fool not to notice the clear signs of restlessness showcased on his features nonetheless.

“sorry, did i wake you?” suna apologizes tenderly with a doting frown on his face once he notices your lids still heavy with vestiges of somnolence just barely peeking from the bottom of the screen. your phone is propped up on your chest, the lower half of your face hidden away from him as you refuse to get up from your comfortable position laying under the warm blankets.

“dont worry about it, baby.” you hurriedly push his apologies aside whilst rubbing the sleep off your eyes to try and not make him feel too bad about it “you know you can call me anytime. im always waiting for you on the other end whenever you need me”

he offers you a subtle smile, although its odd — its weak, not sincere. it is not the usual signature smirk with a teasing remark on the side you earn whenever you say something cheesy. it is also hard to miss the darkening spots growing under his tired eyes, his usual sparkly green orbs now nearing dull, heavy with underlying frustration. it made it all crystal clear.

rintarou is not an outwardly emotional person and definitely not one to voice his concerns. his pleas for help were often left unspoken and it takes a sharp eye to see through his unwavering surface. for the most part, the blank expression he's seen wearing most of the time did a pretty good job at shielding his feelings yet his eyes often betrayed him.

he had taken off a couple days ago to somewhere foreign for an important match. you know how sometimes, before a decisive match takes place, he lets pressure get to that pretty head of his and relies on you to keep him grounded and soothe his racing mind. for the longest time, he had been capable of keeping his emotions at bay and deal with his troubles on his own but ever since you came around, rintarou found himself growing selfish and craving your comfort, finding solace in your reassuring words and warm embrace.

you miss the old days when your lover was just at an arm's length and all it took was for him to say the word for you to drop everything and come running to his house, to hold him in your arms and make it all feel better. you remember people in highschool claiming suna was bound to fade into the background given his lazy tendencies and lack of enthusiasm. (what a waste of potential, they would say) suna would shrug. he never payed any mind to it — you praised him on his unshakable nature. it should be a major ego boost for rintarou to know that, not that many years later and against the spiteful tongues of some of your classmates, he made a name for himself as a first division professional volleyball player, thus proving them wrong.

however, he still has quite a few demons to tame inside his head. one of which was self-doubt.

you let your eyes roam his tired features for a moment. “you need to get out of your head, rin”

suna knew you could read him like an open book. you made him feel vulnerable under your scrutinizing gaze. he felt exposed. to have you stare directly into his naked soul was intimidating, more so than to have you stare at his nude body, like you have done dozens of times before. but just like you did with his body, you had taken your time to get to know every corner of his soul. you knew him like the palm of your hand — both mind and body.

“i know.” he tears his gaze away from yours, looking down while running a hand through his disheveled hair and down to scratch his neck in frustration. “tell me how have your days been?”

the silence of his hotel room was eating him whole and he needed you to distract him. most of the time, suna was fond of the silence. after a rough day he found comfort in laying down in his bed and basking in the quiet. he found peace in it. sometimes it was in the quietness of his own little world that he found the solution to his problems. but upon your arrival to that mysterious world of his, your voice soon became his favorite sound. he craved you to fill in the silence that he once treasured.

and so he listens. suna listens as you talk throughout the night (who would’ve guessed you had just woken up), rambling on about your days as other trivial things — namely how you could never get used to starting the day without his morning cuddles. he found it endearing how you seemed to speak enough for the two of you. he was a man of few words so he was lucky to have found someone to fill in the silence for him. and so he listens until his eyes start progressively feeling heavy, your voice lulling him to sleep.

“hey, baby” he calls in a barely audible raspy voice. suna lays down on his side under the cold unwelcoming bed sheets, holding his phone next to his face on the pillow “put your pretty face on the phone”

a soft smile crawls its way up to your flushed face at his sugar coated words, his voice although drowsy sounding sweeter than saccharin. you were so lost in the lovely image of him that you failed to notice that your face was barely on the frame, just your eyes peeking shyly from the bottom of the screen.

you shuffle in bed, turning on your side to mirror his position. its almost as if you’re not a hundred miles apart and he's lying right next to you, if you squint hard enough.

“there you are” he mumbles weakly under his breath, a loving smile on his pillowy rosy lips that you miss dearly.

his eyes appear weary through the screen yet he never fails to look at you with the utmost love. dumbfounded, you wordlessly stare at each other as you fall into a comfortable silence that is however, filled with a hundred unspoken words.

his love is quiet, hesitant at times but never shallow. he felt deeply and feared he wasn't the best to put it into words so sometimes, his love, it hides beyond lingering stares and shy touches. it remained unuttered most of the time but words are futile when he has shown his devotion to you countless times before.

“hey rin. you think you can go to sleep, now?” you notice him fighting the urge to let his eyes close shut, battling to stay awake for a little longer to try and memorize your face for later so he can dream of you tonight.

he simply nods with his eyes shut, too sleepy to pronounce a single word.

“call me tomorrow after the game, alright?” he nods yet again, noticeably starting to drift away at last but not before muttering a quiet i love you before the last hint of consciousness leaves his body, eliciting a tender smile from you.

“i love you, rin. ill meet you in your dreams tonight.”

[a/n]: so! writing this fic made me realize that im undeniably in love with suna and he now owns a 51% share of my heart. (oikawa. ill never forget you. its not you its me (suna) maybe its time i move on. 🤒 jk jk ill have both pls and ty 🥰)

anyways ye i guess im back from my mini hiatus (as a full suna whore) :))

this is honestly a word dump, initially this was supposed to be like... what.. 500 words long? i just thought of the prompt “put your pretty face on the phone” and the rest is just me pouring my love for him into words ah-ha. (you probably noticed how it is unnecessarily cheesy 🙄)

just for the record!! i havent finished season 4 just yet 🐸 lmao. i took inspiration off of nooras (@/inarzki) characterization of suna because she was the one who made me fall in love with him in the first place.

[go-dark-turtle]

(Here it is Chapter 4 is complete. Here is a link to part 2 of chapter 3 if you havent already read it.

Please enjoy this chapter just like other chapters there is mild swearing. Onwards to the chapter. TALLY HOOOO! Its split into 2 parts again so here it is part 1! )

Chapter 4 Heart-racing Hectic Hijinxs and a Hol Horse

Jotaro drove for another 3 or so hours heading towards the outskirts of Luxor, most of the way there you had been so overwhelmed with emotions it burnt you out, you fell asleep squished between Kakyion and Joseph, you snuggled into Kakyion's shoulder and he looked down at you and smiled. At moments when Avdol and Joseph did not look his way he would brush his hand against yours, he did it to comfort you. Even in your sleep you had a slight smile whenever you could feel his touch. 

"I think this might be a good spot to crash for the night, what do you think Jotaro?" Polneraff asked. 

"Hm yeah why not." Jotaro sighed he was just as exhausted as everyone else.

Jotaro had parked your car by some old ruins on the outskirts of Luxor and got out to have a smoke, Avdol and Joseph smiled, they got out the car knowing they could stretch their legs and get the luggage from the boot and set up camp. Polnareff joined Jotaro in having a cigarette while Iggy went for a walk along the riverbed. 

"Hey Y/N wake up we are here, come on" The young red haired man gently nudged your shoulder. 

You rubbed your eyes and looked about the empty car in a daze. You blinked slowly and you looked at Kakyion and that's when everything came flooding back. 

"I thought we were gonna be safe, I didn't know she could find me so easily, I'm so sorry I put you and everyone at risk...." You cried softly and Kakyion interrupted you by pulling you into a soft hug. 

"Nonsense Y/N,  you did everything in your power to prevent a horrible outcome with Avdol and myself, for that I thank you" He gently patted and stroked your hair.

"I'm grateful that I changed the future, and some future should change, no way was I going to allow you to be hurt, let alone have your eyes damaged" You pulled out the hug and went to reach for his face. He was still smiling down at you. 

"I'm not interrupting anything am I?" Joseph peaked in the passenger door left open by Polernaff. 

You jolted backwards and clasped your hands looking down and Kakyion softly giggled. 

"I have some scrambled eggs and toast for dinner, heh courtesy of the Speedwagon Foundation. It will be ready soon, come join us at the campfire." The old man smirked and adjusted his hat and exited the door and walked away.

Joseph knew, oh he knew exactly what was going on and it was all thanks to Hermit Purple, he smirked and was loving that you both were finding your way to each other. He was by the stove cooking the eggs and gently roasting the bread, watching on from a distance.   

Avdol noticed his smirk "Mr Joestar did you figure something out?"

"Hm perhaps, but I don't want to give spoilers" He smirked more and pointed at you and Kakyion walking over to the campfire. 

"Oh I see, ah young love isn't it beautiful? Don't worry Mr Joestar I won't let on we know anything.....Wait! When you used Hermit Purple..." Avdol turned to him and figured it out. 

Without a word Joseph tapped his nose and smirked and started to plate up the dinner. Avdol smiled back and shrugged of course he found out with Hermit purple.

****After dinner****

You all sat round the campfire, you were still shaken up by the whole thing and you hugged your knees and placed your forehead on them.

"God I don't even know how I'm gonna tell Tamsin what happened to the Bombay Cottage let alone I got involved with a cowboy working for a vampire and oh yeah I'm a stand user." You just wanted to wake up back at the beach house and this was all a nightmare.

"Listen don't worry about that, I'll take care of talking to Tamsin, after all I am a businessman, I'm sure there's something I can work out with him for sure. Besides, you really have helped us out and lord only knows how long it would take to find out where Dio's mansion is." Joseph sipped his coffee as he consulted you. 

"He's right Y/N we will take care of everything from here on in, you've done more than enough for us, even if it was a day or two breather from Dio and his minions." Kakyion placed his hand on your shoulder.  

 "Unfortunately when you travel with us, trouble always follows, doesn't it, hey Jotaro you remember Anne?" Polnareff asked

"Yeah what about the little runt?" Jotaro grunted

"I think she totally had the hots for you, it's a shame she couldn't travel with us anymore, wouldn't you agree?" The Frenchman smirked

Jotaro glared at him and summoned Star Platinum and karate chopped his head and flatted his hair down. 

"OI! Watch the hair!" He raised his fist. 

"Shut it and dont say stupid stuff" He turned and had a slight blush on his face

"Ohhhhh? Is that a blush I seeeee~" Polnareff teased.

"No, get lost" The young teen placed his hands in his pocket

He then started to walk away and Polnareff followed only to get into a fight and got punched in the arm. The rest of you watched with blank expressions while your eyes sparkled with excitement. 

"WHOA JOTARO HAS A PURPLE PUNCHY GHOST MAN!" You shouted after seeing Star Platinum in all his glory. 

"Heh better than Watermelon bastard" Joseph laughed and he looked down at his hand " I wouldn't want to think you would call my stand Y/N"

"MR JOESTAR!" Avdol turned his head and his eyes widened.

"What? Oh come now Avdol, for once I wasn't thinking anything like that" the old man chuckled and slapped his friend on the back.   

You pouted your lips and folded your arms at him reminding you what you called Kakyion's stand earlier that night. Avdol smiled and said his good nights before heading to his tent, Jotaro huffed at the Frenchman and sat by the river. Polernarff pouted and also headed to his tent, Joseph sat by the campfire having a cup of tea and reading some newspapers and Kakyion walked by the river to wash up the dishes. 

You smiled and approached Jotaro you placed your hand on his shoulder "Hey um Jotaro, thanks for looking after Scorpi and of course getting us away from Mariah" 

"Scorpi?" He questioned

"Oh yeah sorry my car that's what I named her. You see I got her a few months ago, it was a gift from Tamsin for my birthday. Anyway I'm heading off to bed." You smiled at him.  

"No worries, ah I see now, goodnight Y/N, see you in the morning" He walked to the tents as you walked to Kakyion.

"Hey, I was gonna head off to bed now just to let you know." You blushed and looked down. 

"Ah of course goodnight,  I might as well retire also, here let me walk you there." He smiled and stood up and walked beside you to the tents. 

Joseph looked up from his newspaper, noticed you both heading to your tents and he had a massive grin on his face and noticed Iggy.

"Oi Iggy c'mere, you want 2 boxes of coffee gum dont ya?" Joseph waved the boxes at Iggy and he came over and ran around in circles, trying the odd time jumping for them but missing.

"Well I need you to do a favour for me, all you have to do is......" He explained to the dog.

 

***The next Morning***

Joseph gathered most of the camping stuff and popped it in the boot with Avdol helping. 

"Alright everyone here's the plan. We head for Cario. It shouldn't take more than a few hours to get there, we can stock up on supplies and grab a bite to eat at one of the cafe's and then we go from there. Is everyone happy with this plan?" Joseph stood with his hands on his hips as he gathered you all around.

You all nod in agreement and head for the car. You were in the driver's seat with Kakyion next to you in the passenger seat, behind you was Avdol, Polnareff and Joseph in the middle and Jotaro sat behind Kakyion. Iggy of course sat on Joseph's knee and fell asleep. The gents in the back were a little squished but they didn't mind, they had been in worse conditions before. 

It was about half an hour into the drive and the whole car was in silence that's when Polnareff spoke up. 

"Say Y/N do you have tunes or something? It's quiet too quiet for my liking." He asked as he shifted forward off his seat peering over your shoulder. 

"Polnareff sit down! You'll cause an accident." Avdol huffed at him and pulled him back down. 

"Well I do have a few cassette tapes... hmm let me see..." You leaned into the car door pocket and had a rummage about and you felt one of the tapes. "Ah this one will do!"

You popped it into the build in radio and rewind it back to the start, you adjusted the volume and then the opening of the 'Transformers 86' movie soundtrack's Dare started to play. Joseph's face lit up with glee and he clenched his hands and sat forward while Iggy sat on Jotaro's lap.  

"OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SOUNDTRACK!" He listened to the intro feeling slightly nostalgic. 

When it got to the  chorus both you and Joseph sung the lyrics with Kakyion also joining it towards the end. You smiled brightly as you all sang along.

"Dare - dare to believe you can survive

You hold the future in your hand

Dare - dare to keep all of your dreams alive

It's time to take a stand

And you can win, if you dare" 

Jotaro shook his head knowing that his grandpa was a massive nerd and started to drift off to sleep. Avdol pulled out a book and started to read and Polnareff leaned over his shoulder and read with him. 

As the song faded another one started to play and it was Dare to be stupid by Weird Al Yankovic.

"OH JOTARO! THIS IS THE SONG I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT THE ONE BY AL YANKOVIC!" Joseph got excited and woke up Jotaro with excitement. 

He glared at his grandpa and shoved his shoulder and got comfy again and closed his eyes. "I dont care, I'm trying to, fucking, sleep here, old man!"

You looked into the mirror and started to sing "Put down your chainsaw and listen to me

It's time for us to join in the fight" 

Joseph continued on "It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys

It's time to let the bedbugs bite"

Joseph pointed to Kakyion and he carried on "You better put all your eggs in one basket

You better count your chickens before they hatch"

You carried on afters "You better sell some wine before it's time

You better find yourself an itch to scratch"

Joseph got ready for his line "You better squeeze all the Charmin

you can while Mr. Wimpole's not around

Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan"

Kakyion grinned and when it got the chorus  you all sung in harmony 

"Dare to be stupid

Come on and dare to be stupid

It's so easy to do

Dare to be stupid

We're all waiting for you

Let's go" 

Then at the instrumental part Joseph started to air guitar and at the end of the song you all laughed, you loved that you all started to bond and you were really enjoying their company more and more.

***Meanwhile in Cario***

Hol Horse had bumped into  Zenyatta and Mondatta and had agreed to patrol around Cario to get rid of the Joestars before they could reach Dio.  

Hol Horse suggested they went to a cafe in the middle of the city centre to plan a strategy . Even though he wasn't supposed to, he revealed what his stand was and in turn the brothers revealed what theirs was. 

Jackpot the cowboy thought, he had an evil glint in his eyes. "Don't worry boys let me take care of drinks. I'll be right back just you get yourselves nice 'n' comfy."

"Mondatta, isn't it nice that Mr Hol Horse is treating us to a drink, how lucky are we little bro." He smiled at his sibling. 

Mondatta looked up with a grin "Your right big bro nothing will stop us, we are the super lucky brothers!" 

Hol Horse rolled his eyes at their exchange from the edge of the bar as he collected the drinks, he smirked and pulled a small bottle from one of his pouches.

"Heh looks like big bro is going to have a date with the toilet, muh ha ha ha" He smugly chuckled to himself as he opened the bottle of laxatives and poured some into Zenyatta's coffee. He walked back to the table with a fake smile on his face.

"Ah gentleman a toast to our new found friendship, for you Zenyatta a coffee and for the squirt a nice and freshly made strawberry milkshake." He brought his bottle of beer to their cups and clinked them against each other. 

They all started to make small talk until half an hour later Zenyatta held his stomach and started to sweat a lot.  [*Rhapsody of Brothers totally plays at this point*] 

"Oh good lord, listen, little bro you, GO, with, with Hol horse, and keep an eye, ON, on those nasty Joestars, if, IF, you see them, you hear, OH, no, EXCUSE ME!" He quickly explained while holding both his stomach and his butt, he then rushed past an old lady and ran for the toilets at the back of the cafe. "OOOOHHHHH NOOOOOOO!" 

Hol Horse smugly grinned and glared at the younger brother, just as he was about to run away he grabbed his scarf and then held him with the scruff of his neck "Now you listen here you little shit, we are gonna team up see, and if you want the cure for your dear brother you better keep me from getting hurt with that book of yours, kay?" 

Mondatta nodded a lot and was nervous and scared by his actions. 

***Meanwhile back on the outskirts of Cairo city centre***

You were nearing the city centre and everything was becoming more familiar again. You drove along the river taking in the boats coming up to the dock nearby. 

"We are almost there everyone." You smiled as you had a slight glance at Kakyion playing with his hair.

"Oh that is good to know my butt is getting numb, and I'm feeling very peckish, oh yes I am" Joseph tipped his hat up to see better and looked down at Iggy. 

Iggy raised his lip as if he was grinning and started to stretch his little legs and then he let out a huge fart in Jotaro's face waking him up and then jumped on Polnareff and bite his hair and then wiggled his butt in Avdol's face before jumping out the window. The smell was unbearable 

"Damn mutt!" The Frenchmen raised his fist.

"UGH! You smelly dog!" Jotaro gripped  Kakyion's headrest as he watched Iggy grin at him in the street. 

Avdol sighed and pouted "What did I ever do to you Iggy?" 

You stopped the car as everyone in the back was getting restless at Iggy's actions and the smell started to linger. 

"We will go on ahead, let's all meet up by the market stalls by the cafe. See you in a bit" Joseph quickly ran after the others chasing Iggy down the side streets. 

You shook your head and found a parking area and parked by the wall. You walked around the back of your car and went into the boot and rummaged about for the lemon air spray you found and opened the backdoor with Kakyion leaning against the closed passenger door watching you lean in and spray the back seats.

"I don't know what that was all about but, I feel Mr Joestar was behind that little stunt" You sprayed more making sure every part of your car smelt amazing again. 

"Hmm I agree with you, though that's Mr Joestar for you, he's always up to something" He shrugged but looked in at you checking you were okay. 

He offered his hand as you edged closer to the door of the backdoor and you blushed and slowly reached for his hand.

"I won't bite, I promise" He chuckled softly. 

With your face beaming red you took his offer and placed your hand in his and he helped you out the car. You stood next to him with your keys in your hand you quickly went to lock up. 

"Lets go, shall we Kakyion." You took a deep breath to remain calm as his soft lavender eyes looked down at you. 

***About 20 or so minutes later***

Polneraff got held up by Hol Horse with the barrel of his gun pointing at the back of his head, Mondatta was hiding under a box and waited for his moment to escape. 

The other Stardust Crusaders got curious why Polnareff was taking so long to come back to them. It was then both you and Kakyion reached the narrow alley that led to the market stalls by the cafe.

"Stay close Y/N" Kakyion walked in front and held out his hand for you to hold. 

***End of part 1***

Chapter 4 Part 2

[taeyongbestboi]

Okay guys. So, I just had this amazing dream of NCT DREAM’s Na Jaemin

I’ve been experiencing this a lot. I remember most of my dreams and sometimes I could wake up in the middle of my sleep (because of alarm sounds, etc) but if I continue to sleep, the dream goes on.

Okay, so here it goes...

On this dream, I was hanging out with Jaemin on a shopping centre, like a mall. The mall itself’s quite familiar to me. I think I also dreamt about how we met in the first place but I cant really remember that part. As far as I can remember is that I think we’re on the Dream’s dorm, and we need to buy stuffs so we went to the mall. It was just me and Jaemin, so the rest stayed in the dorm.

We went upstairs, where the bookstore is. We went straight up to the children’s books section. We were looking for a specific child’s book, not so big, I think it’s for charity purpose(?) (like I think we’re going to visit a day care or something like that so we decided to buy some of those stuffs that kids likes)

In the aisle we chat, we bicker, it was FUN :”) And he also said something like

“I actually had a lot of these books, but my mom donated them already a long time ago...”

And proceed to tell me the story of this one exact book he had when he was a kid.

When he read that book, I cant help but admire him. Okay guys, on my cue, this is where that y/n scene starts ♡

You know? When u look at someone and then the background goes in slow motion, blurred, and that ‘syabang syabang’ BGM starts playing in the back

And your heart goes all BOOOOOOM 💗💗💗💗💗

Yes, it’s that moment.

Istg he’s beautiful. CAN I PLEASE REWATCH MY DREAM

Oh right, I havent described his apperance in details.

He’s tall, we all know that. His hair’s a light tint of blue (like a washed blue hair, sort of. Like in NCT Life!) He’s wearing a long sleeved blue denim shirt, first two buttons were unbuttoned, and a pair of darker shade of jeans. He’s wearing a pair of black high top converse, and a sling bag that rest on his back. His fingers are long and pretty, his eyelashes are too. His pink, plump lips move as he read the story of the book, his eyes fixed on the few pages of the tiny book even tho he remembered the story by heart.

Istg, i look at him with a little too much of proper adoration in my eyes. I softens as I saw him like that, who wouldn’t? He looked so damn precious! If you guys were me, you’d do the same. Trust me.

Soon, we finished shopping. We went a level up to find like a packing counter (?) you know like those counters on souvenir stores that provides packing services for the stuffs you bought. Yes like that.

Not long after that, I mentioned that I need to go to the restroom and so did he. We part ways, and right after he’s done he texted me signaling that he’s already at the packing/wrapping counter. As soon as I finished, I read his message and proceed to call him as I have no idea where the counter is.

I cant really explain but his voice was so sweet. Idk it’s because he usually appears on screen like the sweetest guy on earth because it’s his image and he’s told to maintain that character, or if he’s genuinely a sweet guy without any sugar coat necessary. We don’t know for sure but this Jaemin in my dream feels like the Jaemin i know.

“Jaemin-ssi, where’s the wrapping counter?”

“It’s not that far, just right besides the children’s playground”, he replied.

Neither I or him hung up tho because I kept walking in circles lmao I was bad with direction (well probably am irl too)

He guided me until I reached that small counter. It wasn’t big, kinda secluded, and has those small chairs for the mall’s visitor to sit on to while waiting. Those chairs not entirely placed in front of the counter’s table. I found him sitting relaxed on one of the chair that looks rather like a small, soft couch.

In front of us, there are a guy and a girl, approximately my age (maybe older) which I found out were talking to Jaemin. I approached him and take a seat, also in a relaxed manner, besides him.

“So, what are you guys wrapping?”, said the guy

“We’re wrapping some books we bought for charity. And also something for my mom...”, Jaemin replied

“You bought something for your mom?”, I asked

“Yeah... we’re supposed to meet her this evening, right?”, he said again

“Wait, why would I have to meet your mom??”, I asked again curiously

The couple(?) in front of us looked slightly confused lmao

And then Jaemin replied, “to show my mom what a great girl you are.”

I kinda forgot, but he lightly place a hand either on the back of my hand that rest on my side while I sit, or on my left knee. His touch’s so light and friendly.

“Wait, as your friend, right?”, I asked again, confirming

And all i received from him as a reply was a loud sigh.

What’s that supposed to mean 😭

“Hold on, Jaems, I have a boyfriend...”, I said

“And anyway, we cant be together because one, I’m three years older than you and I know age is just numbers but still...”, I continued, giving him this 😕 look

“And you’re an idol! I’m just your fan, don’t you remember?”, I said again

And with that, I woke up.

Don’t get me wroooooonggg!!! I see the Dream members as brothers to me. And all of the scenes I wrote, that really did happen in my dream and that angsty feeling, like a pang in your heart, I felt that. The moment he placed his hand on either my hand or my knee, I knew this was all a dream (yet I don’t feel like waking up). Such a nice dream, though, being able to hang out with Jaemin. Even it’s just a dream, still fun...

Note: I really did dream all of this. And the dreams before too. I dreamt about idols a lot (mostly male idols as I stan them more) and I somehow remembers good dreams. I’ve been watching NCT nonstop since quarantine (so for about 3 months or so now?) and maybe that’s why I get to dream about NCT (and other idols) a lot these days...

Sooooo that’s it for that Jaemin dream. If you guys have stories of dreaming of an idol, please kindly share them with me if you guys are comfortable! Xo!

Another note: visual representation!!! 👇🏼 source: pinterest

[talk-geek-to-me]

All the ones you didn't do in the last ask!

So I’m finally getting around to doing this. and you fUCKING HATE ME. This is gonna be hella long.  (she asked for all of them)

This is for the WaterColor asks that I posted last night

Zinc White: how are you really feeling today? I’m very tired tbh like all i wanna do today is sleep rn. very tired

Cadmium Yellow: When you think of the word “happy” what's the first thing that comes to mind? ummmmm probably my boyfriend and the very funny moments you and i share

Lemon: What’s your comfort food? Ben and Jerry’s Brownie Batter Core Ice cream. that shit makes me feel better immediately

Hansa Yellow: What’s your guilty pleasure song? honestly idk, but i will tell you the song that I cant get enough of and its All Time Low by Jon Bellion. like i honestly cant get enough of it rn

Yellow Ochre: Name an artist/band whom you just discovered and cant get enough of. right now its the song that I just said in the last ask. but the band? shit ummmmmm, idk but i’ve been listening to anything in my liked playlist from spotify. so it varies

Naples Yellow: where do you feel most at home? uh, i dont really know. I moved to Idaho so i haven’t figured that most yet

Raw Sienna: with whom do you feel most at home? my boyfriend. I miss him so much and I honestly cant wait till i see him next

Golden Ochre: describe the relationship with your closest friend. JESS *insert random thing that im currently screaming about*

Golden Deep: what’s your favorite season? fall, i can wear converse and hoodies and be comfortable

Cadmiun orange: What do you like to do on your days off? i love to do things that have to get done. like today, i did more homework than i thought i was gonna do and cleaned my bathroom. it’s been a good day.

Orange lake: do you have anyone you can turn to when you’re sad? I listen to music and not do my homework, just focus on me

Titans: do you prefer slow mornings or relaxing evenings? tbh i think i prefer slow mornings cause im not a morning person so that gives me time to sleep in

Shaknazaryan Red: are you currently binge watching anything? CRIMINAL MINDS

red ochre; are you more right-brained (creative) or left-brained (analytical)? i think i’m a bit of both

burnt sienna; is there a painting that brings you peace when you look at it? not really theres a picture i really like tho. here’s the link! https://www.pinterest.com/pin/46865652355803785/

english red; what animal do you relate to most? honestly, a raven

vermilion; what’s your favorite accent? british, like tom holland and tom hiddleston british

cadmium red; do you have a “type” when it comes to a significant other? ....jess you know. but for those of you who don’t know, its the bad boy type... seriously, bucky barnes, loki, and according to jess its the dark-haired, chiseled features, built af, don’t worry, she made a point, like all the famous people im attracted to... all contain the same things that my boyfriend contains. my boyfriend is dark haired, chiseled features, thicc 

scarlet; describe your current crush/es. DARK HAIR, CHISELED FEATURES, BAD BOY TYPE BOYFRIEND

ruby; what does your ideal first date look like? honestly, i dont have one

carmine; what does your ideal second date look like? dont have one

madder lake red; would you ever kiss someone (or accept a kiss) on a first date? considering i kissed my boyfriend within the first hour of meeting him, sure

rose; what’s something really positive going on in your life right now? im actually keeping up with school rn and im fairly proud of myself

quinacridone rose; what’s something you’re really looking forward to? sleep

violet rose; what does your dream house look like? windows. so many windows big kitchen, comfortable

violet; is there any place in particular you’d like to settle down? not really, i’d settle down anywhere as long as im with the man i love

blue lake; what would you like to do/accomplish before you settle down? traveling

cobalt blue spectral; what is the most beautiful place you have ever been to? honestly, i havent been there yet

ultramarine; when was the last time you were in a good mood? do you know/remember what sparked it? ummmm, im kinda always in a good mood?

blue; what’s the most recent dream you remember? [redacted] [redacted] [redeacted] [redacted] [redacted]

bright blue; what does your dream family look like? any kids or pets? how many of each? 2 or 3 kids, 2 dogs and hopefully a cat. married to my boyfriend

blue cobalt; do you like your name? would you give yourself a different name if you could? NO it’s too common, its why i prefer people call me meg or megs. i hate my name.

prussian azure; what’s your favorite scent? vanilla

azure blue; what’s your favorite type of tea, if any? lipton pure leaf raspberry tea, and it has to be cold

turquoise blue; if you could start a garden, what would you plant? literally anything that i could water every once in a while and it still be alive

cerulean blue; if you were guaranteed to have a viewership, would you start a youtube vlog? no, my life is really boring

glauconite; describe your body without using any negative adjectives. curves, well built, purple red hair. honestly, im super comfortable with my body

yellow green; picture yourself walking in a field. what do you see & hear in this scenario? ya know that scene in vampire dairies when Damon is comforting Rose as she’s dying? yea it looks like that

green light; are you in a comfortable place in life? if not, what do you think might make it better? im pretty comfortable with it, just wish my boyfriend was with me

green; name three countries you want to visit; do you have any actual plans in place to visit any of them? ready? you’re gonna laugh jess, Romania, Ireland, England

emerald green; do you speak any languages besides english? are there any additional languages you want to learn? so my mom is from Chile, and she’s native in spanish, but im native in english and cant speak a lick of spanish, but i have been doing the duolingo spanish lessons and its like my latina side has woken up, but i cant speak spanish, i can read it and hear it and probably translate it for you

oxide of chromium; what’s your favorite book? Stalking Jack The Ripper by Kerri Maniscalco

olive green; are you currently reading anything? how do you like it so far? no, im too busy with school and work that i dont have time to read anything and its making me sad. but i always have a book in my backpack just incase

mars brown; what’s a movie that always puts a smile on your face/makes you laugh? the first Avengers

burnt umber; what’s something you plan to do before the day is over to take care of yourself? clean my fucking greasy ass face

umber; have you drank enough water today? nope, thank you for reminding me tho

voronezhskaya black; what or who is your go-to outlet for when you need to vent? you, cause you always provide the best advice and make me feel like my emotions matter to you too

sepia; name five things that always make you happy. Superheroes, music, my boyfriend, my friends, and books, etc

indigo; what’s the best/sweetest compliment you have ever received? today, i was sitting in my car ordering my drink from dutch bros and someone told me that they liked my hair even tho he couldnt really see the color of it. But i get a lot of compliments from my boyfriend about my eyes

payne’s gray; describe your aesthetic? shit, uhhhh, superhero murderer? 

black; post a selfie because you are so beautiful! I’m gonna share with you the one that has my boyfriend going crazy 

[inspivision]

my 33 anti-depressants:

a dog rubbing their forehead against you

a really nice documentary to get your mind working

a cat purring very lowly while sleeping next to you on the couch

a rather strange one, but "our planet" is so good for darker days. it's both an escape from where you're at phsycally and mentally and a reminder of the beauty of nature, making you look at the world in a more compassionate way

a cup of tea that's so good it's like, surprising

randomly looking up subjects and studying them. like, ever wondered about the history of the barbie doll? the food chain? the oldest man in the world? the process of making a perfume? shortest existing country in history? reminding yourself there's always room for leaning and improvement

opening a window and having your bedroom filled with Fresh Air™

receiving a text from a friend and realising suddenly you aren't alone! who knew! who would've guessed!

a sitcom that actually makes you laugh. like out loud with the noise you make and what not

coming up to a family member or a friend and telling them you need professional help

picking up a new hobby or revisiting an old one that's been neglected

cleaning your room. like even slightly, you know? even just pick up the tissues from your bedside or something cause that shit yucky

daydreaming about traveling far away. for example, the amazon river or lapland or whatever you fancy

going outside without your phone. just walking a little and seeing the world is the same as it was in your better days. nothing's different and it's just in your head

mary poppins. that's it that's the post

journaling!!!!!!! omg. today i even wrote down "i felt like dying today." and felt better

a good book that gets you out of your head for as long as you like

showering. but like, a good decent showering. with lavender smelling crap and water so hot there's steam all over the room

a vanilla scented candle

reading about a successful beach cleaning project omggggg these bring me personally pure joy

a debussy piece playing softly

a piece of chocolate or a glass of wine. let yourself seek comfort in outside resources. you're human and sugar or alcohol can maybe help lift your moid a bit

ruth beider ginsburg. serena williams. malala yousafzai. dame judy dench. michelle obama. brie larson. gal gadot. jameela jamil. simone veil. should i proceed?

israeli tumblr is hilarious. probably irrelevant for most of you, so i'll put it that way: find a blog that you deem as the epitome of humour and fucking dive in

listening to a really guilty pleasure of yours without caring a single tiny bit. yes taylor swift i am talking to you bitch (also music in general is the shit. like it amazes me how everything around me can fall apart but music stays there just the same waiting for you to reach out to it. and it's there everytime)

childhood nostalgia ATTACKING YOU. and without warning you feel like your 10 y/o self on a friday afternoon for no particular reason. a good and blessed deja vu

speaking of deja vu, learning a new language!!!

weird one but memorising different flags. a few of my worst breakdown were handled by doing this

crying your eyes out. like, sobbing. and then letting the tears dry and carry on to whatever you were doing

calling a relative you havent spoken to in a while. fucking tell your granma you love her. she deserves it. a true queen

plan for the future. if the present and the nearby future look grey and unpromising, have your farther future be something to look forward to. plan to find a new job or start a class or go on a hiking trip or find yourself a partner

i didn't wanna write that one because to me a nap is a depression nap and gets me in the worst mood. but regular nighttime sleep is soooo crucial. go to bed early you worthy master

last but not least, remembering that all of these are merely quick fixes. evetually, happiness only ever comes from within, and only in a slow, hard and sometimes declining process. but you'll get there. i, for one, believe you will =]

and this masterpiece also

[ctawrites]

Aight y'all, I know that I always have trouble with this, maybe other ppl do too, but when I hear the whole "good writers read" or something like that where the gist is that you should learn how to write by reading, I can never really contextualize how I would do that. Do they want me to sit and mark up every good sentence i read in every novel on my shelf, somehow taking all that goodness like my highlighter is a straw of knowledge? Do they want me to find good metaphors and reuse them ad nauseum? Idk man i never got it

But then i read When the Moon Was Ours and thats when it clicked. For those of y'all who havent read it, its somewhere in between magical realism and folklore, in a place where rivers change people and roses grow from little girl's wrists and four sisters move as one to ensnare the hearts of the local boys. But the part that really made it all fall into place was the descriptions. Almost every description was based on colours. Rose tinted moons and copper hair and saffron flowers and stained glass occupied every other sentence in the novel, and every colour held meaning. The most obvious employment of this was one of the main characters, Miel, and her roses. They grew, fell out, were cut off and ripped out and burned away, and each time a rose left her wrist another grew in its place, each one carrying with it a moment in time, a snapshot of the emotions Miel held deep inside. When she first kissed the boy she loved it was a soft blush pink, but when she grew protective and jealous of girls with fiery hair it turned a deep copper. The other main character, Samir, was similar. He made moons to hang on the trees, in rose gold for spring and silver for new beginnings and light blues to help the local kids sleep at night.

The novel is littered with different shades that match the pumpkins that grow in the local fields and the ingredients a woman used for her lovesickness cures and the leaves that fell in the forest nearby. The description is breathtaking and concise, and it tells the story almost without need for dialogue or scenes at all.

And so this is the book that taught me how to learn from the stories I consume so easily. The one thing I love most about the book, the thing that keeps my fingers running over its spine thoughtfully on a rainy day, thats the important part. Sure, the setting is beautiful and the world is one of a kind and the characters are all complex and strong in their own ways, but the one thing that takes a book from good to great, thats what you should take from it. You dont need to highlight and bookmark and underline if you just remember that the colour of a pumpkin has the ability to make you feel so much subtext. That the moon in the sky holds so much meaning. That red can mean strength and fire but also family and connections and even sorrow. You should remember how it makes you feel, amd strive towards that in your own writing - not to do what the authour does, but to have the confidence to make those leaps and do things you didnt think were possible before.

Anyway, the main point here is take every book you love and figure out why you love it. Thats what will make you and everyone else love your writing too. Also go read When the Moon Was Ours by Anna-Marie McLemore bc its really masterfully done and I love it so much.

[onlyjihoons]

collegebf!jihoon

a/n; congrats to jihoon for being accepted into uni;-;-; and btw pls pardon the mb that was the closest thing i could find to college jihoon in my laptop

masterlist// requests are open

major: theatre/acting

wanted to take up aerospace technology, but decided to go for his real passion instead

got in through rolling admission, didnt have to face the stress of college entrance examinations

however a very talented actor, able to shed tears in 30 seconds

havent had his first kiss despite acting since five,, and people are shook lol

has looks crafted by the acting gods, visuals made for acting

able to pull off both bad roles and good roles

honestly very friendly and humble young actor, seniors are certain he will make it big in the industry one day

will greet classmates and lecturers good morning and bid them goodbye

lowkey enjoys classics like romeo and juliet, lord of the flies, julius caesar, animal farm 

does well in the prose section in tests because he reads widely 

actually a well all-rounded student, perfect 4.0 gpa in every semester

took up ballet in high school oops and hence knows every scene in ballet classics like sleeping beauty

sings and raps decently, a good dancer too,, a literal golden child lol

but below the perfect boy surface,, jihoon is an avid gamer who always occasionally stays up till the wee wee hours of the night to play games

like overwatch sorry guys that’s the only game i know

sometimes will arrive to class late, hair in a mess and last night’s pyjamas 

but at the end of the day he does well in everything without even trying so the lecturers just let him be

you didn’t even know why you took up theatre,, maybe its because you scored an A in literature during your college entrance exams

communications was too controversial for you anyway

you had zero to little acting experience, the only experience you had was pretending to be sick in school

like jihoon, for the prose section of tests you would score full marks most of the time

but drama section was your pitfall

not that you couldn’t act, but you had a fear of being on camera

selfies with friends are fine, but you just don’t like your pictures being taken in general

one day, your lecturer gave out an assignment, apparently it’s paired work and your partner has already been chosen beforehand

you liked pair work, and honestly one of the only ways you can pull up your grades for the drama section

once you received your assignment, you read the name below yours in bolded itallic,

park jihoon

you sighed, you were afraid of being a burden to the golden student, since he already has secured his own distinction anyway

you were acquaintances with jihoon, but not that close to be friends either

“y/n!” jihoon settled into his seat beside you, “i’m glad we are partners, at least you won’t be like some of the girls in this class…”

you smiled weakly, thankful that he didn’t have a bad impression of you already, “what about them?”

“they always wanted to add a kiss scene in the plot, just to kiss me, its just, ugh.” this was the first time you’ve seen jihoon getting annoyed, and you found it cute honestly

“that’s gross, but don’t worry, i wont make you kiss me, i don’t think you’d want to either.” you patted his back, and you swore that you saw a tinge of hurt in jihoon’s eyes momentarily 

“thanks y/n.”

for the first 2 days, you and jihoon practically breezed through the prose section, sharing your favourite scenes of the classics

“romeo and juliet was a good ending”

“no, they should’ve ran away with each other”

despite conflicting ideas the both of you worked well together and became much closer than before

at first you thought jihoon was a little bit of a tsundere, but the more you knew him, the more goofy he seemed

like how he liked penguins, and has a few penguin stuffed toys on his bed

and you also learnt that jihoon used to do classical ballet in high school, which was lowkey a surprise for you

then came the drama section, the both of you decided on romeo and juliet

wow im so basic sorry guys

you didn’t force jihoon to kiss you too, so the both of you just settled with jihoon putting his thumb in between the both of your lips

or almost kissing

bahbam y’all “kissed”

jihoon told you it was a method actors use so that they don’t really kiss the actress,, and he pulled out that card for all of the girls who wanted to kiss him lol

he even was super sweet about the whole thing, asking if you were uncomfortable and stuff

you always said you wouldn’t but your heart would race whenever he did a tiny bit of skinship like hugging or holding your hand

ultimately, it was just for the grades, right?

wrong.

jihoon had the biggest crush on you ever since the both of you were in the same class

he was just scared of approaching you, scared that you would think he’s trying to get into your good books

so he was really excited when the lecturer announced that you were his partner

and when you said “i don’t think you’d want to either” to the kiss he was lowkey slumped bc it meant to him that you thought of jihoon as a normal friend and not something more

so on the day of the drama showcase, jihoon could sense your nervousness

usually you were ok but today you werent

“what’s up y/n? are you not feeling well?”

“i have a phobia of being on camera,” you wrung your hands together, “sorry jihoon, i’m bringing down our grades–”

“no, y/n, look at me.” jihoon made you face him, his features gleaming under the light, “we’ll overcome this together. i promise.”

“how?”

jihoon then swooped down and kissed your lips, which definitely took you aback

“w-what”

“just imagine the camera isn’t there, and there is no one in the classroom except us.” jihoon smiled, as if the kiss didnt happen

you were definitely calmer than before, weirdly, and nodded.

when it was you and jihoon’s turn, he gave your hand a small squeeze 

it went pretty smoothly, with no camera-fright for the first time

until the kiss scene, jihoon actually kissed you for real

and the whole class was shooketh bc park jihoon,, kissing a girl for the first time?? wowzers

in the end, both of you got your As and you got yourself a boyfriend out of it too

honestly jihoon is more of a homebody than you think

he would want to stay at home rather than go out on dates

so he would invite you over to his dorm, to watch movies or just cook for him lol

sometimes he would ask you to play games with him too, but you’d fail

he would be somewhat addicted to his games too, so you have to get through all means and ways to get his attention back on his work

dont be surprised if he calls you at like 3am telling you hes hungry

and you only read it the next morning

“did you see the message i sent you?”

“no…?”

“i sent it at 3am and it said 2 ticks…”

“you’re gaming again?? YAH PARK JIHOON”

“hahaHAHAHHAHAHAHAH yes im sorry babe please forgive me:

has his designated seat beside you in every class

sometimes the lecturer has to call him out for being too clingy to you and its embarrassing when everyone just has their attention on the both of you

save this clingy baby please

will help you hold your notes,, and sometimes clean up with you at your dorm or home

your mother loves him already even tho she only met him through facetime

likes to go to find all the ramen stores in the vicinity and try all of them out

also likes taking pictures of you when you dont notice

and sets it as his kkt bg

your contact in his phone is saved as baby girl💓💕💖💗💘💞

and his contact saved on your phone is baby boy❤💙💚💛💜

you know those boyfriends who treat their girlfriend like theyre their entire universe? yup thats jihoon

and like his eyes light up whenever he talks about you its just so endearing

likes to be the big spoon when cuddling just so he can engulf you in his arms

hardly gets mad but even if he does its not that serious and over something stupid like him losing his notes or something

jihoon knows where to draw the line, when you need to study he tries not to disrupt you

keyword: tries

overall, a clingy but sweet koala as your bf, you could never ask for more

[rockformed]

1-100 for that ask thing. Cuz fuck you

JESUS CHRIST WILLim putting this under a read more fuck you too

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? 

soundcloud!! 

is your room messy or clean?

always messy, last time it was clean was when we first moved in lmao

what color are your eyes?

very dark brown

do you like your name? why?

i do!! cause it means “helper”!! and i love to help vv

what is your relationship status?

single as fuck, ive never been in a relationship ;;

describe your personality in 3 words or less

shy, creative, and passive

what color hair do you have?

natural redhead babeyyyy

what kind of car do you drive? color?

i dont drive ;;

where do you shop?

usually i get my clothes from a place called torrid, they sell plus sized stuff!! but i get all my t-shirts from redbubble and thinkgeek! 

how would you describe your style?

all over the place lmao, messy

favorite social media account

tumblr is m fav just cause the site works the way i think it should, in chronological order 

what size bed do you have?

double

any siblings?

yep!! 2 step brothers, 1 half brother and 1 half sister 

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

a small cabin on a riverside with self-sustainability. i just dont wanna have to worry about stuff and be left to myself in a cute little cabin!!

favorite snapchat filter?

THE TIGER FACEMASK ONE

favorite makeup brand(s)

dont wear makeup :p

how many times a week do you shower?

i uhhhhh try to shower once every day but i have a hard time remembering a lot ;;

favorite tv show?

atm i dont have one, i dont really watch tv! im excited for the return of steven universe tho 

shoe size?

8 womens

how tall are you?

5′3″ last time i checked!!

sandals or sneakers?

SNEAKERS, i hate sandals :(

do you go to the gym?

used to every day, stopped cause we moved away from my gym and i have no way to get there :(

describe your dream date

oh gosh, i dont really know, something chill where i could get to know the person a bit, maybe lunch at a cute airy restaurant vv

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

i have misc change and a 15 dollar red lobster gift card lol

what color socks are you wearing?

im not wearing any!!

how many pillows do you sleep with?

3, and many stuffed animals :3

do you have a job? what do you do?

i do commissions, but i dont have a 9-5 “job” yet

how many friends do you have?

oh gosh, uuummmm 2 really good ones, maybe 7 others?? im probably forgetting ;;

whats the worst thing you have ever done?

when i was 5 i stole a harmonica from a cracker barrel and swore on the bible that the woman at the counter let me have it ;;;;; it haunts me everyday for real

whats your favorite candle scent?

i dont have a specific, but i love sweet scented candles, and holiday ones :p

3 favorite boy names

Ben, Oliver, and Andrew 

3 favorite girl names

Lily, Genevieve, and Lorelei

favorite actor?

Robin Williams %100 forever

favorite actress?

amy adams

who is your celebrity crush?

Chris Pratt i guess??? i dont pay too much attention to that stuff :p

favorite movie?

ever, is wreck it ralph, atm is beauty and the beast (not the remake)

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

i dont read too much anymore, but my favorite book(s) is the Doll People by Ann M. Martin.

money or brains?

brains if by brains you include personality

do you have a nickname? what is it?

a lot of people on here call me Rock, but i dont have a real life nickname!!

how many times have you been to the hospital?

one, when i was born lmao 

top 10 favorite songs

GOD fuck umm, Overwhelming by Jon Bellion, Fiddle and the Drum by Perfect Circle, 24 Karat Magic by Bruno Mars, Ticker Tape by Gorillaz, Separate Ways by Journey, I Believe in a Thing Called Love by The Darkness, Beautiful Girls by Sean Kingston (i know, i know), Kill Your Heroes by AWOLNATION, Clocks by Coldplay, and Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap.

do you take any medications daily?

nope!!

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

soft vv cause i drink so much fuckin water lmao

what is your biggest fear?

uhhh my loved ones dying and not knowing if i’d be okay if they did??

how many kids do you want?

NONE 

whats your go to hair style?

natural i guess, i dont really do up my hair :0

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

ideally, id love one of those micro-houses and to travel the country with my house, but if that doesnt work out id like a shotgun style! 

who is your role model?

Robin Williams, again :p

what was the last compliment you received?

“i love the way you color” was the last one!!

what was the last text you sent?

“my feet are gonna fall the fuck off” sent to my mom sjhdfjhdjfs

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

i didnt grow up believing in santa, my mom always just wrote her name on my presents! 

what is your dream car?

a tucker, even tho thats very VERY unlikely lmao 

opinion on smoking?

dont do it 

do you go to college?

no, but i want to!! 

what is your dream job?

character/concept designer for a film or game studio

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

rural!!

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

no >:(

do you have freckles?

lots on my arms, none on my face anymore :p

do you smile for pictures?

yep!! i have a bad sameface problem lmao

how many pictures do you have on your phone?

100+, my phone doesnt tell me an exact number

have you ever peed in the woods?

yep, once when i was younger i got locked out of my house on the way home from school so i had to pee in the woods behind our house and wait for my mom to get home 

do you still watch cartoons?

yeah, its the only thing i really watch lol

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

Wendys, but Mcdonalds has better fries

Favorite dipping sauce?

sweet BBQ

what do you wear to bed?

sweatpants and a t-shirt!

have you ever won a spelling bee?

no, but i one a book fair contest once!

what are your hobbies?

drawing, singing, music in general, video games, and seeing how long i can stay up without passing out lmao

can you draw?

i like to think so

do you play an instrument?

flute, but i think ive forgotten how by now

what was the last concert you saw?

i havent seen any, but im going to see one next week!!

tea or coffee?

neither, unless we’re talking sweet tea lmao

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

AMERICA RUNS ON DUNKIN YOU FOOL

do you want to get married?

yes, id like to!! but if the person i end up with doesnt want to im cool with that!

what is your crush’s first and last initial?

im not answering this fkdjgghjdhf

are you going to change your last name when you get married?

depends on the other persons last name and if they wanna change theirs!!

what color looks best on you?

green!

do you miss anyone right now?

yeah, a friend of mine and my dad :(

do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed and locked lol

do you believe in ghosts?

somewhat

what is your biggest pet peeve? 

when people are rude or self-absorbed ://

last person you called`

my mom

favorite ice cream flavor?

cookie dough!!

regular oreos or golden oreos?

regular (put them in the fridge first, they’re better cold!!)

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

i hate sprinkles :p tastes like paste 

what shirt are you wearing?

a fallout t-shirt!

what is your phone background?

cinderella’s castle, a pick that i took last time i went to magic kingdom!!

are you outgoing or shy?

shy :3c

do you like it when people play with your hair?

yeah!! but only if i know them fkhgdfg

do you like your neighbors?

some of them, our neighbor to our right is really nice but past that we have two trump supporters and on the left we have a couple thats really really mean lmao

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

in the morning!!

have you ever been high?

nope 

have you ever been drunk?

nope 

last thing you ate?

 a subway sandwich!!

favorite lyrics right now

???

summer or winter?

WINTER PLS

day or night?

Day, specifially mornings :o

dark, milk, or white chocolate?

milk!!

favorite month?

december :)

what is your zodiac sign

cancer!!!

who was the last person you cried in front of?

uhhhh my therapist lmao

FUCK YOU WILL THIS TOOK ME AN HOUR

[cleopatraas]

Has anyone ever thought that maybe Sarah knows her books are problematic in some ways but keeps them that way bc it shows that the world isn't how we want it to be and even though the book could be written to make life equal and perfect but it isn't because it's not that kind of story and that's not how the world is and Sarah knows that so she leaves it problematic and frustrating to show that this is what life is like face world or not?

Listen. You seem nice, but I’m getting ready to go off. I’m sorry if this seems aggressive, but it’s going to get serious and no fucks given (ok I do give fucks bc I do love all of you). My short answer is no.

I don’t care why Sarah wrote her books the way she did. It doesn’t make it any less racist or homophobic. That’s also a short answer. Her intention doesn’t matter because at the end of the day it’s racist and homophobic. And why write it when you can just… not?

And who is she educating? Who is she telling racism and homophobia exists? Let’s for a second just think her fandom is 100% white and 100% straight… which it’s not, but let’s imagine for a second.

Sarah J Maas, a white woman, is writing about racism and homophobia, to teach her white and straight readers? What is she teaching? What does she know about it? She obviously doesn’t even know it’s bad if she sits down and thinks “yo let me write this”. And she obviously doesn’t know it’s racist or homophobic if she decides to keep it.

When I open a book I don’t want another white author to give me their take on racism (or homophobia, but I’m questioning so I don’t want to speak for the lgbt community) Honey. I live with racism every day. I wake up in a racist world and I go to sleep in one and it’s exhausting. Do you think I want to read about one? I know racism exists. You don’t need to prove it.

But imagine being able to write your own world and it doesn’t have to relate to the “””real””” world, but then you say to yourself ‘Mhm, yes, let me make this world racist and homophobic’ ???

Maybe she should show a world WITHOUT racism and homophobia if she wants to “””””teach””””” someone. News flash - I know, it’s hard to grasp and honestly it’s not your fault or mine but - a world without racism and homophobia wouldn’t cause us all to go up in flames. Just… write everyone as equal? 

We were born in a racist and homophobic world and we’ll die in one. One day I hope that changes. Why would we write about a racist and homophobic world when we can give someone as escape route to get away from the struggles they face every day if only just for a few hundred pages? 

I think I know. You don’t care. Here’s where it gets harsh: SJM doesn’t care about her readers of color or the lgbt+ community. If she did she wouldnt write the way she does. Tokenism /=/ rep. Short answer: they get killed off and/or are mostly stereotypes and they’re only there for the “diversity” stamp.

It’s hard to grasp that, but as I said before: SJM is white and straight. What in the world is she going to teach me about racism? What views does she have? It doesn’t affect her at all?? There’s no reason for her to even address the topic and I can assure you I’m not asking her to.

Writing characters of color or lgbt characters does not mean you have to include racism and homophobia. WE ARE NOT OUR PREJUDICES.

I’m asking her not to kill off her women of color. Why? Because I see it enough. Every show, every book, every movie there’s a token woman of color. I get attached because finally, finally I have representation and then… bam. Dead. Boom. Deceased. Totally for the plot, of course. If you need a woman (or man) of color to die to further your plot that honestly says a lot about your plot. But whose fault is that? It’s not the character’s fault they’re dead. That’s all on the writer.

I’m asking her not to use the slutty bisexual trope. It really is NOT THAT HARD to write a bisexual character and not make them sex-crazed. She did it twice. Aedion and Helion. And I’ve seen the argument “if I lived in a world full of beautiful males and females I would sleep with them all too” ?? That doesn’t excuse anything?? Also… why write a world were f/f and m/m relationships aren’t accepted when you can… easily not have homophobia exist?? Why??

These are just the big things. But don’t you think we want to read about characters who haven’t struggled like us? Who are black, latinx, asian, biracial, gay, bisexual, pansexual, demisexual, asexual, non-binary, but havent struggled? Haven’t suffered from racism and homophobia? I’m not asking to read about their struggle. I’m asking for them to be treated just like every other (white and straight) character but still be a character of color and part of the lgbt community.

Guys. Remember when I said you can help so much by just listening and giving us a voice? Give us the microphone. Sit in the crowd and listen. Yes, you can ask questions, but no you can not make excuses for racism and homophobia. Just as I said before, if you’re white or straight (and I’m not attacking anyone, just stating a point), you don’t experience racism or homophobia and you can’t tell us or teach us anything we don’t know.

You also don’t see things. You MAY not see the racism. You MAY not see the homophobia. Ask questions but also be ready to receive the answers. And be an ally instead of pushing us down. 

I’m so sorry to the anon if thought this was aggressive. But at the end of the day racism and homophobia is not a “””opinion””” it’s a fact. 

[benjamin-parker-allen-blog]

My parents are only SORTA accepting ig

(Just to preface, I'm ftm trans) So my parents have been working hard to understand what it is I'm going through and the best way to help me. Which is AMAZING and I dont wanna downplay it at all, it's so much growth from them since just a years ago my dad was yelling at me for looking too "butch" and the year before that he was clutching on to the helicopter jokes like no tomorrow.

Butt now they're using that as leverage against me to try and get me to be Christian? They think I'm not Christian because I'm trans or because I'm pan. It's not cause im trans and not really cause I'm pan although that's part of it. Its MOSTLY cause fuckin ALL of my friends are gay/lesbians and I love them all and I'm tired of the fucking BULL SHIT christianity tries to pull with all that shit. So my parents decided to have a "chat" with me at 11:30 at night which usually wouldnt have been a big deal, but I had already taken my sleeping meds, so i #1 wasnt thinking clearly, #2 was tired as hell and #3 if I didnt fall asleep within an hour of taking them I wouldnt sleep that night.

A nice quite from my dad durring this discussion that a burned in my mind word for word "I'm not trying to make you feel bad, BUT YOU SHOULD!" And then multiple times after that trying to claim that this wasnt an argument, that it was a discussion to which I always replied "no, discussions are voluntary, and I DONT WANT TO BE HERE, LET ME SLEEP, PLEASE!" and they always just brushed by this like I was nothing.

So they were like "come here we need to talk" and I asked them over and over to just let me sleep and we'll talk about it tomorrow but they kept saying no. I even gave in and said "fine, I'll go to church tomorrow, I'll read a book about christianity with you guys, just PLEASE let me SLEEP" and they said "no come sit down" and I finally sat down, an hour and thirty minutes later, and promptly had a severe panic attack right in front of them. I dont know if it was me scratching furiously at my arms or the hyperventilating or the screaming that made them finally let me go to bed but whatever. I went to my room and sat staring at the ceiling for the entire night without a wink of sleep : )

Meanwhile this is all about how according to them, since they have been accepting and trying to learn what I'm going through that I owe it to them to ACTUALLY look into christianity. because they can just TELL that I really havent looked into it because I dont have the same opinion as them (note the heavy sarcasm here, i did my VERY BEST to push myself into christianity for 7 years solid only to end up with me almost off-ing myself, my CHRISTIAN therapist calling them into her office and telling them to let me not go to church for the stress it adds, and then my SLEEP therapist saying the same thing cause I wasnt sleeping for DAYS ON END because if the stress, and now we're BACK TO FUCKING SQUARE ONE CAUSE THEYRE TRYING TO FORCE ME INTO GOING BACK TO CHURCH WHEN I TELL THEM THAT ITS GONNA BE TOO MUCH STRESS FOR ME! : )

And then my dad's BEAUTIFUL responce, "you're not a snowflake, you can handle some pressure." WELL SIR, THE PANIC ATTACK HAPPENING IN FRONT OF YOU SAYS OTHERWISE. how DARE he insinuate that me knowing my limits and respecting my limits makes me WEAK. BITCH THIS SHIT MAKES ME STRONG AS HELL.

Anyway I'm done. I'm gonna start leaving christianity EVEN HARDER. : ) < 3 thanks ma and Pa, love ya : )

[psycheverse-of]

Title: The One Who Is Loved. Author: a teenaged Amber Renee POV: second Summary: Brighton is a fuck up. He’s in this college, full scholarship, everything his way, but he is too fucked up to notice. Drugs are his vice, they keep him going. Well, besides the loyal Spencer who plays the bestfriend and secret crush. And if you think Brighton isnt beating himself up about this newfound gay curve, you’d be wrong. Warnings: drug use. brief mention of noncon sex.  Authors note: idunno, okay? I have this fucked up little character in my head, and he wanted his story told. i present him…

.

.

.

Hi. My name is Unimportant, and i will wreck your life.

Hi. My name is Unimportant, and i’m a fuck up.

I have a lamp above my desk, it’s bright and hot and makes me think of the desert. I go to the desert a lot. It’s big and bright and hot. Except for when i go at night and then it’s not. And nothing can ever be what it says it is for long. Deserts just seem bright and hot, a lamp, but they get cold and dark too.

I flip the lamp off and leave my room.

I have a living room, do you have one? What do you use yours for? I have 5 lines of coke in mine, and I usually just pass out in it. Is that what you do? Its what i do. Anyway, i walk into my living room (and what do i do besides die in it?) I walk in and think ‘how much do i want to take?’

cont.

I want three. Three beautiful, wonderful, burning lines of coke to breathe in, please. Drive to the next window!

I get to my knees, hands on the cool coffee-coke table and inhaleinhaleinhale. i forget about the world for a few minutes, and suddenly the walls of my apartment are colorful! This isnt the mental hospital i thought it to be for those few moments.

I jump up, struck by genius, and back under the desert lamp and computer. I Am An English Student. i read books that use old english, and write things that take days. But right now, i’ve been on writers block, hence the coke, not that i need the excuse. If i dont do well enough i could loose my scholarship. i giggle, man i’m stressed.

Smiling to myself, i type, type, type and wipe blood off my nose.

i wanna dieeeeee. i wanna dieeeeee. please give me an A, mister teacherrr!

I get a big fat F, so i take more coke and i forget all about it.

——-

I know. I know i’m fucking addicted. I’m fucked up, but i’m not an idiot. How do i tell? How do I know?

——–

“Hello Brighton.” Oh yeah, that’s my name. I’m not just Unimportant. No, I’m also Brighton “the one who is loved.”

That’s what i mean. My name. I am supposed to be the one that’s loved. Where does that leave everyone else? What makes me so fucking lucky? Why cant Tom or Drew or Sammy be loved, huh? And anyway, it’s not like its real. Its not like i’m real.

“Hiiiii Youuuuuuu!” I smile, and laugh and it’s dark. The desert is cold, so fucking cold but i dont feel it. Nope, i’m in tight jeans, a T-shirt and fingerless gloves but i dont feel a damn thing.

“…What did you take?”

“ABCD EEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Clever. I have to be clever, i’m so clever, “I’m so clever right?” I laugh and laugh until the stars blur into one big ball of fire, and i wish it were my birthday so i could blow them out.

“Oh, Bright. I wish you wouldnt,” I hear your voice and it’s so sad, why are you so sad? The birthday candles are for you, you, you!

“It’s your birthday! Make a wish!” I laugh and clap and you’re leading me back upstairs, why?

“I wish you’d stop.”

I’ll stop when the world stops.

“I love you” I do, I do, I do, I do.

“Go to sleep, Bright. I’ll see you in the morning,” But we go together like the desert and my lamp. Similar, but completely different.

We dont go together, but you sing me to sleep.

(*)

I wake up to a bright headache and a heavy dose of reality seeping through my window. Not okay.

I groan, not okay, and roll off the bed thumping tp the floor. Not okay. I dont even stand. Just crawl, crawl to the desk with the lamp. The desert lamp. I crawl, not okay, and make grabby hands towards the drawer. I pull out its contents, groaning again and lean against the wall. I curl my legs towards my chest, not okay, I light up.

Wake 'n Bake.

I’m okay.

——–

It’s bright outside. Wow, is it always bright here? It’s so bright. I hate it. I hate Bright.

“I hate you, sun,” I singsong. I lift my hands up, feeling my string bracelets fall lower on tired arms, feeling my fingers spread out, feeling. I hate you son.

I drop my hands, bracelets follow, lining up in order once again, where they belong. Time to Be Responsible. Time to Go To Class.

The path to my class is short, too short and it’s too hot. It’s so hot. Sweltering. Vocabulary word. Definition? My life. Overwhelming.

Out Of Control.

The path is short, the building is tall, I follow the steep line of it with my whole head, black hair shifting from out of my eyes with the effort. Tall, tall, tall. You know what? I bet you, I bet nothing bothers this building. It’s strong and it’s big and it’s fucking tall. Really tall. Think of something tall.

Taller then that.

I’m still looking up, up, up when i get shoved from behind. It’s slow, stumbling forward, and then wrenched back.

“You dick,” The words climb out of Smaller-Then-Building-Boy’s mouth and dance around my head. It’s bright yellow. It hurts my eyes it’s so bright. I dont respond. The yellow distracts me, “Hey, anyone in there? Think you can get my girl wasted and then take advantage of her? And not get punished, huh asshole?” The colors are changing. Their hue is lifting, darkening with intent. Red, Redder, flashing, bleeding.

I open my eyes and the talltall building is looking down on me. I look straight and the sun I hate smiles down at me. Why am I here? I sit up and wipe blood off my face, but it keeps dripping. I feel everything.

My high is wearing off.

I stand up, the building seemingly so much smaller and trudge in. I’m late, I’m bruised, I’m battered but I’m here.

“Mr. Wells, do you have another riveting tale for us today?” Teacher.

“What? No,” I slide into a seat, scratching wearily at my skin.

Fuck, I need a hit.

———

“I heard you got into a fight with Chris.”

“Yup.”

“Over his girl?”

“Yup.”

“You even know her name?”

“Nope.”

“Oh, Brighton,” You sigh wearily. I finally look up to catch your face.

“Sorry,” I whisper, I don’t know if you heard me, and I almost dont want you to. I feel like that’s a part of me, of my heart being cut away. Given to you.

You’re a guy.

Why am i not high?

Oh right. Because I’m with you. Because you “don’t approve”. Because you’re above my shit and I love you. Shit. Shit.

“It’s okay,” So you heard, so you caught my heart. It’s not okay. This isn’t okay but it’s not like I’m primed to stop. I can’t stop.

“Okay,” I say instead and you go back to the video game you’re playing and I’m watching.

That’s fine, and that’s fine. I didnt want your attention anyway. It’s fine, really. I just can’t tear my eyes away from you or the tongue poking out of your lips in concentration. I can’t see what’s happening on screen, but it must be good if your smile is anything to go by. You look so happy, why am i not smiling like that?

So i do, I test it out on my face. It stretches and pulls at my muscles, taunt without their usual stimulant.

“You havent smiled in ages,” You note and I dont stop. Just smile, all teeth, i can feel it. We’re at your place and you have the air on. It’s dark except for the TV, and it’s cold.

I’m okay.

 (*)

 I wake up gasping, nightime. Nightmare. You.

I get up from the bed, your bed. I’m still at your house. Sober. I cant stop shaking and you’re a light sleeper.

“Brigh’?” Mumble, mumble I’m in trouble.

“I have to go,” I feel frantic, my skin feels too hot. Fuck, hot, bright, Brighton, loved. Not okay.

“Wait, wait, Brighton,” You’re sitting up. No, just go back to sleep, please stop. Just stop. Stop. Stop.

“Stop,” My feet are hitting the ground fast before I can think, I’m carried away.  Space growing between us. Outside it’s still dark, but I feel the sun. I can’t always see it, but the bright is always there.

My room in my apartment. Never have peeling walls, dirty floors and a grey existence been such a welcome. I breathe it in, and exhale smoke. Fast forward and I’m hardly here at all. My eyelids are heavy, so heavy, but sleep is a far stretch away. Tingling away from my hands. Sleep is a dream.

Genius.

I sit up and crawl, not okay, to my bedroom, my desk, desertlamp on, my computer. Keyboard waiting for me happily. Type, type, type. I have a paper due in creative lit 3, and my material is dancing before my eyes. Little words like subtitles across the bottom of my lids. There is no sound around me, just the words whispered softly in my ear. Ability at my fingertips.

I feel nothing, I feel everything. I swipe black hair from my eyes, long. A while back I cut my hair after the lead singer of my favorite band. I’m paying for it now, it’s so long.

I feel the words like a gust of air through my transparent body. My overheated skin burned by the desertlamp is cooled and relieved.

I feel.

xx

A- Beautifully written. Powerfully unique. I would like to see you writing lighter topic next time.

I got an A. I got an A, but I’m confused. Topics are topics. They don’t weigh anything. They’re just thoughts. Topics swarm, topics are spoken and traded, and taboo. Are topics heavy also?

Is the simple notion of sleep as a dream too heavy?

What’s the line?

Coke? Pot? Heroine? Crime? Sex? Violence? What’s heavy? Not those.

No, those aren’t topics at all. Those are just vices. Etched into a skin and marring beauty. No, those decay a person; those take over a persons eyes. Those live inside and breed friends similar. No, those aren’t topics. That’s a life.

A life can’t be heavy. A life can drag, and split but weight had nothing to do about it. Life is imprinted with heavy topics and then let loose on a wandering soul. I imagine that the soul feels naked, empty and cold. I imagine that it is happy with anything that comes along. If you were a lonely soul wouldn’t you be happy a body came to you, asking you to jump in? Asking so much from you –so inexperienced? You’re young, soul that is, and so alone. So alone. You jump in; make room by the heartache and drugs and it feels like home. The life closes up its opening, and you -soul- realize too late. It’s too late.

Not okay.

And now we’re stuck, all of us. In these weightless bodies, next to our vices. Maybe yours isn’t drugs, but you harbor. You live with your vice. You’re body could be a box or a mansion, but inside prowls that vice.

And that’s okay.

A vice isn’t heavy.

A body isn’t heavy.

Souls aren’t heavy.

Innocence. Innocence is heavy.

Innocence follows like a heavy fog, weighing a person down. It’s born in all of us, even you, even me. Innocence weighs more then anyone can hold, we have to let it go. People cling to it, to their “innocence” and you, my heartache, cling to yours so hard it scares me. Let it go. I had to let the weight off of me. I was too weak for the heaviness, for the burden of “innocence”. I let it go. It had dragged me down, and now I’m light. Now, I’m high. See, do you see that play on words? That’s what letting go does. The world gets so many in-betweens. With the darker the world gets it’s no longer black and white. And for all my talk,

I’d give anything for the weight back.

To wake up and not be burdened by colors and between the lines and those and this, but never that and highs and lows, failure, middle ground. To wake up and just be.

I sigh, looking out my window. Void.

It’s nearly Christmas.

 (*)

 “Hey Bright,” You don’t mention my panic attack from the other day, and I’m thankful. I also can hardly understand the English language.

“Spin!” I smile; your face looks lovely today. Yup, it does, does, does.

“You’ve been on something more often then not, as of late.”

“Really? No, no. I’m hardly, I-I’m not really on… anything. I-my. You look pretty today!” I finish grandly, throwing you off guard. Your pretty face looks different.  Wrinkles above your eyebrows, “What’s that?” I point and mimic the expression.

 “My frustrated face,” You answer, and your voice is deeper.

 “Oh. Hey, hey do you think. Do you think a topic can be heavy?”

“Sure. Something no one wants to talk about,” You shrug.

“Oh. Oh, I guess. I didn’t think so. I didn’t. It doesn’t weigh anything-”

“They aren’t talking about weight, Brighton,”

“No, no. No, listen. Listen, it doesn’t weigh anything. And, things that do, they aren’t topics. Those are trivial, y’know?  But, and what people do, what we live for. That thing that we share our lives with, that’s nothing too. That’s just this unforgiving passenger. Or, or maybe even the driver… I don’t know, but point is, it weighs nothing, it takes nothing to carry it. But what I figured out was, was that innocence, how we’re all born with it, that is the heaviest thing a person can carry. It burdens us, it breaks us until we shed it.  It takes nothing to be corrupt, only the strongest can carry innocence like a shield. Do you get what I’m saying?” You’re so strong.

“…And then you say something like that,” You breathe out softly. My fingers itch to touch.

“I’m kinda outta it,” You know, “But I’m sure that wasn’t the answer I was looking for.”

“No. It’s just, when giving up on you seems the only way; you show me why I can’t. How smart you are,” I. Oh.

And you’re looking at me like I’m worth looking at. It feels so good to breathe under your eyesight. This is okay.

Arms. Around me. It takes a minute to click and oh, we’re hugging. Why are we hugging?

“Brighton. Please, just try for me. Please, it’s killing me. Please stop it all.”

My warm fuzzys stop. You’ve never outright asked that of me. It was there, I could feel the plead in every move you made, radiating. But now, it’s vocalized.

Now you’ve done it.

I stop hugging but you cling. Are you crying? Am I crying? I can’t stop, this is bigger then me. I tell you as much.

“Get help, Bright. Get help and get out. Please,” I can’t promise anything, but-

“I-I’ll try?”-maybe.

——–

Sobriety is officially the world’s most overrated thing, ever. It’s two days later, 4 ‘til Christmas. And I’m sorry, but this isn’t working for me.

My face is wet, my body is shaking. I can’t tell what I’m experiencing withdrawals from because I’ve been on them all. You’re gripping me tight, saying words like “love” and “proud” and “Brighton”.  There’s a fog to you. Your sounds penetrate, your words do not. I can’t see you either, but my eyes are probably closed/ I’m really cold.

“Can’t, can’t,” Mumble, mumble.

“Sh, you can, Brighton. You can-”

“Can’t, can’t. I can’t. I-Spencer-can’t,”

“Sleep, relax. So good, Bright,” Fuck, I’m so cold. Fuck, it’s so hot.

This isn’t going to end well, and we both know it.

You have optimism for days.

———

It’s three days later and tomorrow is Christmas.

I can’t get up, I can’t move. This isn’t enough.

My chest hurts, why are you doing this to me?

This is cruel, you are cruel. Staying at my house; by my side, making me food, warming my body. How dare you?

I’m feeling better though, I must admit. I’m not shaking nearly as hard and my eyes can open again. I still want it. Fuck, I want so much it feels like I’m going to explode with pure need of an absolution.

“Bright,” Yes? “Brighton, I have to visit my parents tomorrow morning. Think you can handle yourself for that long?” Is this all you think of me?

Am I just a… child? A child for you to fuss over, to coo over, to hold my hand when I fall and pick back up?  Is that all? You’re an angel in my eyes. You’re the greatest good there is, pure innocence in human form, strong to hold it.  That’s what you are; you are so close to perfection. I am a child.

“Go ahead,” I’ll show you child.

———

“I was starting to worry about you, kid.”

“Just a quick vacation off,” I assure. My eyes are flickering around the dim apartment, home away from home.

“Come in, come in. Merry Christmas,” His laugher feels hollow. It doesn’t just seem. Like, I can feel this. Feel the empty space where the meaning behind it would be.

I wander in, and you cross my mind. I can’t pinpoint why I’m doing this to myself, to you. The moment you bid me goodbye, I was out like a light, shoes on and headed to where my vices materialize. To this hole in the wall, hole in my heart. Fuck, this place is so dirty.

I am so dirty.

“Come in, I said,” Right, right. I take my small steps in, room opening up before me, and “Take a seat kid,” Kid. Kid. Kid.

I’m always a kid to this guy, but I’ve never felt more young. I’m hardly this adult I’m supposed to be. Although, I’m hardly an adult legally, but point in case; I am. I am, but I’m not. I’m so not.

“What’s good?” His opinion was always good. Revert to old habits, I suppose. Fuck, I’m thinking way too much, “Anything to clear my mind?”

“Fer sure, kid,” He smiles slow and snake-like, same as always. I’ll be leaving here doped up, “You know the price,” I do. I know, but it kills a part of me every time. And actually, I’m pretty sure it killed me the first time and now he’s just chipping away at the remains. My throat feels dry, my heart is pounding and for someone so dead, I sure do feel.

Dark rooms, and a shove towards my hell.

Sleep is a dream.

…

As soon as possible I’m out of there too. Kid fresh out of a candy store, pockets bulging with sweets.  I wrap my sweatshirt closer around my frame and think about you again. (Always) You would hate me if you knew. If you knew how I fuel this obsession, and that it is so wrong and I am so wring. I want to stop, I’ve never wanted that so bad.

I feel dizzy as I enter my apartment again, and with no drugs my thoughts come cleaner. Nothing as fragmented or ridiculous. Well, maybe a little, but I think that’s just me.

…Maybe…that’s…just…

me.

The powder I was measuring splatters with realization, but. I don’t. Care. I don’t. I- me. Me. It’s… I can decipher myself within this…. this shell. I have lines around me, a joint ready to be rolled, I have myself. I blink. I blink again. And I can’t breathe, but I’m inhaling steadily. I don’t want this. Well, I do, I still feel the pull, but mentally I don’t want this. This vice.

The door opens. You. You wont understand, you’ll jump to conclusions. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I jump up from kneeling, frantic. Got to hide it, all of it. Flush it, ignore it, pretend. Please don’t see!

“Het Bright, I got you…” You trail off. You’re not looking at me, no. You’re staring angrily at the whit dust on the table. It’s not what it looks like!

“No,” I whisper. It’s not what it looks like! I wanted the escape, the crutch, I needed it then. I gave up myself, my body to someone and to these drugs. I know. I know, okay? But, but, I didn’t! I don’t want to! I was weak, I was… a child. I’m done. Please, please, I want to grow up! I want this to end! Please, “Spencer,”

Your eyes flick to mine, watery. Both. I want you to understand, but I can’t get the words on my side. I can’t. I can’t.  

“Why?” You croak, “Why are you killing me?” No! No, that’s the last thing I wanted. Blame.

“No! Spencer. No, I-I. I didn’t…I couldn’t…I flushed them…weal…didn’t…want…flushed…I can feel me, now. I don’t want that to stop… I don’t want you… to go. Didn��t…swear,” I stumble my words, and to you, arms outstretched. I grab you before you can go, grab you tight and cling.”

I’m so sorry.

I don’t ever want to lose you.

I don’t ever want to lose me, again.

Don’t leave me with my vices.

I’m scared.

“I’m scared.”

Please answer me. Please do something. Please, please?!

“You need real help. I’m only one person. I’m only 20. You need to go, leave and stay there until you’re better,” I nod, understanding. I’m too much.

I’m a child.

You’re far too young to be taking care of someone who can’t take care of themselves. Can’t love someone who can’t possibly love themselves. Can’t touch something so dirty.

“And,” You continue, angling my face to yours, “I know what you’re thinking,” Nod, “I’m not going any-fucking-where. I’m here, I’m with you until you can’t stand me anymore,” You promise. Suddenly, there’s a click form my bedroom, glass shattering as my desertlamp burns itself out.

And in my semi-lit apartment, Christmas day, energy buzzing between our eyes.

We’ve got optimism for years.

 (*)

End.

[i-amusemyself]

All 100 Questions.

Bloody hell okay thank you!!! 😄😄😄

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?Yeah, Id say so.

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?Aint never had anyone to fake it with 😂 Ngl tho its the sort of thing id do (which is terrible i know)

3. If you could have one super power, what would it be?Mind reading.

4. Do you think youre gonna be rich in 7-8-9 years?I’d be worried if I didnt have more money than I have now, but idk.

5. Tell us some funny drunk story?Oh jeez erm, I don’t really have any 😂 My friends occasionally remind me of the time at the school christmas ball one of the business teachers turned up and I quickly ran away while aggressively whispering “oh no he knows im a lesbian, aimee told him”.

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?We work better as friends, its less stressful.

7. If you had to choose one way to die what would it be?See I’m really torn with this question. Part of me thinks itd be nice just to go in my sleep, with a heart attack or something. Its quick and painless you know.But equally I wonder if it would be better to maybe, like, have something where I knew I was gonna die. Because then I’d have time to try and do everything on my bucket list and say goodbye to everyone. Also maybe at that point I’d welcome death lmao.

8. What are your current goals?Idk? Im waiting on A level results which I really hope I’ve done well in.I hope to make lots of new friends at uni and learn how to look after myself quickly I guess. I dont know.

9. Do you like someone?I like a lot of people 😆

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?Im really not sure??? There arent many people I expect anything from and even then my standards are pretty low. So like, I dont really get disappointed by people, only occasionally by situations.

11. Do you like your body?I could hate it a lot more, but I wouldnt say I’m happy with my body or general appearance. I struggle a lot with my features and my weight and the scars I have (which is ridiculous but thats what mental illness is)

12. Can you keep a diet?I mean if I wasnt on the diet im on rn (with lots of restrictions) id probs be in hospital 😂

13. If the whole world was listening to you right now, what would you say?Honestly id pass out under the pressure of it 😂 idk, id tell them all to take a chill pill but no one would listen.

14. Do you work?Nah, i had 3 jobs at once last yeah but now I’ve ended up with none.

15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of your life what would it be?Either garlic bread or chocolate I cant decide!

16. Would you get a tattoo?I’m v much planning on getting one in the near future so yh!!

17. Something you dont mind spending all your money on?Plane tickets.

18. Can you drive?Yeah! I havent driven since I passed my test, but hopefully I havent forgotten how to that quickly!

19. When was the last time someone told you youre beautiful?…I cant remember. Thats depressing (not that I blame them).

20. What was the last thing you cried for?Argh I have no idea why I was crying, my brain just wasnt doing its job so everything made me stressed and sad.

21. Do you keep a journal?I keep a blog for diary posts but besides that nah

22. Is life fun?If you allow it to be, yeah

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?Tf is that supposed to mean? I guess if you know the person well it is.

24. Whats your dream car?I dont know about Dream Car, id have to research it loads to decide what my absolute fave it. Although rn I’d really love a ‘67 VW beetle bc theyre small and cheap on insurance 😂

25. Are grades in school important?My own grades are super important to me, (to the point its probably unhealthy) but in terms of how the people around me do, it doesnt really matter to me. I mean, I want everyone to do well, but I dont judge people based on it.

26. Describe your crush.She’s funny and all around awesome and interesting and good at deep convos and beautiful and way out of my league.

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?The last one I read called The Bell Jar. It was unlike anything I’ve ever read and made me think about a lot of things. Also I related a lot with the main character.

28. What was your last lie?Eh, probably “im fine”.

29. Dumbest lie you ever told?Idk?? I only keep track of the good lies 😉

30. Is crying in front of people embarrasing?It shouldnt be but yeah, I try my best not to.

31. Something you did and are proud of?Umm, idk im p proud of playing basketball and representing my region/training with england. But i quit that so 👏 dicks out for my regrettable decisions 👏

32. Whats your favourite cocktail?Never had one

33. Something you are good at?Annoying people and being clingy 😂 also maths ig

34. Do you like small kids?It depends on the child, the day of the week, the lunar cycle, my menstrual cycle, how hungry I am…Yh legit sometimes I hate them sometimes I love them.

35. How are you feeling right now?Great omg I just got my best friend to watch mamma mia and now shes high on life next to me.

36. What would you name your daughter/son?🤐 there are a couple of names for girls I like and like 2 boys names? But i dont wanna say bc theyre embarrasing.

37. What do you need to be happy?Good company, good food and possibly music.

38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now?Theres always at least 3 people I would love to punch 😂

39. What was the last gift you recieved?My best friend got me a necklace and I almost cried its so beautiful

40. What was the last gift you gave?The gift of my company @only-slightly-dangerous 😉😉😉

41. What was the last concert you went to?I went to to see Amber Run in february

42. Favourite place to shop at?Um, as in shop? A place called blue banana probs (england’s hot topic smh)

43. Who inspires you?Kaitlyn Alexander bc they helped me to understand who I am and how I feel and to be loud and proud about it.And Luke Cutforth bc he’s so open about his mental health and struggles with self harm but hes so happy now.

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?18 lmao

45. How old were you when you first got high?It aint happened yet (and i dont really want it to)

46. How old were you when you first had sex?It aint happened yet smh

47. When was your first kiss?As far as im concerned never

48. Something you want to do until the end this year?What….does this mean….? Idk???

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadnt done?It’s more stuff I wish I had done tbh. I suppose I said things I shouldnt have or got too involved in drama, but you kinda need all that secondary school shit to learn from it

50. Post a selfie.Lmao nah fam

51. Who are you most comfortable around?My best friend by a mile. Privacy who?

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.Abandonment without explanation.

53. What kind of books do you read?Anything non fiction about medicine/being a doctor/disease/psycopaths.Besides that whatever has been recommended.

54. What would you tell your 12 y/o self?1. Youre gay2. You and I both know you arent joking about being “a dude trapped in a girls body” stop laughing it off and confront it.3. Stand up for yourself.4. Chill out.5. Laugh a lot more omg

55. What is your favourite flower?It’s between petunias and roses

56. Any bad habits you have?Not answering peoples messages unless theyre Certain Person A or Certain Person B.

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?Ones that are out of my league and could kick my ass apparently. Also ones that are kind, listen and think a lot I guess

58. What was the last thing you cried for?Already answered

59. Is there something you dont eat? A food that truly disgusts you?I dont eat loads of stuff bc my guts hate me 😂 but besides all that I’m actually the worlds least picky eater. The only thing I dont like is raw tomato. Thats it.

60. Are you in love?I wish

61. Something you find romantic?All the clichés ngl 😂 just anything that says “i love you” or “i was thinking about you” really

62. How long was your longest relationship?Like 4 months? Barely long term.

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?Oh jeez i hate these theyre so stereotype-y1. Bitching2. Not supporting each other3. ….?

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?1. Not supporting each other2. Massive egos3. Yelling

65. What are you saving money for?Uni so I dont starve to death!

66. How would you describe your bad side?Hmm, idk, it depends what someone did to get on my bad side. I’d say stubborn, bitter and angry tho usually.

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?I could be wrong but I think so long as someone has morally good intentions they are usually a good person, whether they always succeed or not. So yeah, I like to think I am.

68. What are you living for?My friends and the hope I have for my future.

69. Have you ever done anything illegal?Piracy? Thats it.

70. Do you like your money?….did I type this question wrong or??

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?Okay, the honest answer? Yeah. When I was a lot younger and less mature and someone said something that hurt me, I tried to retaliate with equally hurtful comments. I like to think I wouldnt do that now.

72. Ever sent nudes?Lol no

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?Hell no

74. Favourite candy?All candy hates me 😂

75. Is there a blog you visit everyday or almost every day? Tag them.Yeah @oneshappyplace knows I regularly spam her with notes in search or Quality Memes (im so sorry)

76. Do you play any computer games? Whats ur fave?Nah, as if I have time 😂

77. Favourite TV series?Argh I canny choose? I love the IT Crowd, I love supernatural, I love Sherlock, I love in the flesh…

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?I’m not religious and personally I don’t believe there’s a god or higher power but I could be wrong.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?The Bell Jar. See 27.

80. What do you think about vegetarians and veganism?I respect it I guess? At one point I was p much a vegetarian until I had to restrict my diet sooo. Tho I could never be one now, let alone a vegan.

81. How long have you been on tumblr?Too long 😂😂😂 Like 3 or 4 years?

82. Do you like chinese food?Love it!

83. McDonalds or Subway?(Never been to subway so) McDonalds.

84. Vodka or Whisky?(Never had whisky so) Vodka.

85. Alcohol or Drugs?(Never had drugs so) Alcohol.

86. Ever been out of your country?I’m currently in the USA so yeah 😂

87. Meaning behind your blog name?It’s p self explanatory and also v true

88. What are you scared of?Abandonment, deep water, knives, toys with battery packs.

89. Last time you were insulted?Ugh, probs like when I met up with a load of school friends for our leaver’s ball.

90. Most traumatic experience?I’d rather not answer that lmao (plus itd take a long time to type)

91. Perfect date idea?Chilling and listening to each other’s favourite songs while coexisting and eating fast food 😂 that or ikea ngl

92. Favourite app on your phone?Tumblr. Even though I hate it, it also keeps me sane.

93. What colour are the walls in your room?White and blue.

94. Do you watch youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?I love so many youtubers omg. Lukeisnotsexy, mileschronicles, realisticallysaying and filthy frank are faves

95. Share your favourite quote.Pick your fights.

96. What is the meaning of life?To live life to the fullest so youre happy and have minimal regrets. Also to be kind and helpful so even if you dont change the world you might help someone else to.

97. Do you like horror movies?I think….? But I’m not good at watching them alone 😂

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?Eh…again, would rather not answer (we got some nice supressed memories here)

99. Do you feel lucky or special in any way?I’m still totally in awe of how lucky I am to have met my best friend from 3000 miles away. Like, the probability of it was so so slim and yet here we are.

100. Can you keep a secret?I think so yh! It’s something that I consider super important.

[lizardswithoutlegs]

HOOOOOWOWOAH BOY

ART ASKS

when i walk into a building i get to eat everybodys pencils and they cant say no

do it 

( also thanks for asking ! ) 

itd bother me a lot less if everybody came to my apartment and took one of these beautiful eggs

YEAH UNFORTUNATELY IM STILL..... WORKING THROUGH THE SAME WAITLIST but im comparatively REAL CLOSE to being done with it and i should be opening up sometime later in...... the Year

Boy Have I

theres This messy thing from a while back and then also

THIS, from even FURTHER back, when i didnt realize how fucking RED all the outlines on my things were because of the monitor i was using, two for the price of one

why not both

i do Not but it you ever see me walking on the street please throw handfuls of teeth at me theyre the only things my wretched body can digest and im always hungry

OH MAN ok so, an art telephone game is based on, of course, the game telephone, where one person says a phrase and then whispers it to the next person, and so on and on until the person at the very end says whatever they heard and if its done right the final sentence is wildly different than what you started with

an ART telephone game is the same kind of concept, except one person draws out a scene or character, and then other artists draw THEIR interpretation of whats going on, and so forth until the last person can end up with something COMPLETELY different than what the first scene was

youd think thered be less room for error with drawings, but as each person ONLY sees what the person ahead of them has made, they can get PRETTY OUT THERE - im gonna be a part of pythosarts game, and theyve done a couple of em before - for example one round started with THESE as the first two drawings

and then fourteen interpretations later, ended up with these as the final two

its good its real good

I Cant Control Where Bigfoot Goes, I Can Only Take Note Of Where Hes Been

YEAH, sort of ! on the main, iguanamouth, i have a bunch of different tags for art depending on what they are but not really a catchall one, BUT i do have an art only blog where everything gets tossed over ! 

HONESTLY THE ADVICE i got is basically what all art advice is gonna boil down to eventually - you gotta just. do it. you gotta DO it

absolutely nobody you know who draws things well started out at the level theyre currently at, and putting down the things youre visualizing onto paper is a combination of getting the the technical aspects down as much as getting the idea in your head

and that goes with figuring out anatomy and how bodies are put together ! ive got to use references for a Million things,. especially the dragon hoards - theres absolutely nothing wrong with using references for your drawings ! and being able to create accurate representations of things without looking is something that comes more with drawing something over and over and memorizing the body shape more than just, feeling like you should KNOW how to do something

so dont beat yourself up for needing references. if youre trying to shy away from them a little bit but still cant make something look nice without em, try using several different reference photos to put together an entirely different pose ? 

theres ALSO the SHRIMP METHOD, which is great for practicing and getting good at one particular thing - this probably isnt SUPER HELPFUL but good luck ! 

god i tried. exactly ONCE maybe fourish years ago but it wasnt art, i was trying to stream the lion king movie and i had no idea what i was doing, i didnt realize i needed to wear headphones so the sound wouldnt snowball into a feedback loop of my own voice that never ended but i kept laughing and it kept distorting worse and worse, like the audio version of saving and resaving something as a jpeg

it was just me and my friend ronni in the stream and ONE other person who never left and never said anything and i kept addressing them out loud like WHO ARE YOU and that only compounded the noise problem and eventually i gave up

anyway i havent tried since

i uhhhhh dont think i COULD, really - fear especially is something thats kind of subjective and one persons Big Terror could be neutral or even cute to another person

like for me i used to have a lot of childhood fears about the ocean, and how deep and dark and vast it was, to the point where i couldnt play a lot of water levels in video games, even ( but i had almost drowned several times when i was Very young which probably had, a little somethin to do with that )

maybe sometime ill try to explore things IM afraid of, but its hard to encompass a psychological response in an image !! could be a fun experiment, though ! !

a few PLANT ANIMAL AZKZ, HUH, DONT HAVE A WORKING Z KEY

SHIT DUDE THESE ARE... SO GOOD thats the official name EVEN IF i didnt use. a daffodil as the flower base. it doesnt matter 

yes

i got A BUNCH of flower and plant themed suggestions and theyre all REALLY GOOD ( way more than these ) but straight up im taking a break from em for a while - if anybody is else is reading this though you should definitely tackle one of em

WASABI ASKS

Do Not Feed Animals The Paste

i keep going back to read this ask because you could replace wasabi with my name and its the exact same. its the same. i feel like i have to hide somewhere

this was real and this is the award they gave us

there were other awards but the judges refused to give them out. they burned them in front of the other dogs. we won

it depends on the age ! wasabis pretty much an adult, so her sheds are pretty infrequent ( usually once every 7-8 months ) BUT when she was still growing back like 6 years ago, she would do a full-body shed every other month !

wasabi accepts tokens of appreciation in the form of : fruit, green beans. No Exceptions

i would never seperate wasabi from her hands

absolutely..... not. not even a little bit h h hh a this isnt a disney animal companion, i dont even know what “kind of like a dog” means with , a lizard who cant make any vocalizations or get up on their hind legs or NOTHIN sometimes if i hold a piece of fruit on my hand and she reaches for it she gets confused on whats what and tries to bite my fingers instead

ONCE WHEN SHE was attacking her reflection in a mirror i put my hand in front of her face to break eye contact and she SUNK HER TEETH RIGHT IN THERE but immediately let go like “oh whoops”

lissten . . .  wasabi is so sharp, just absolutely everywhere, and these are the sharpest. the grabbers

heres a lil battle damage from earlier today actually

this is pretty tame BUT the long long lines are from claws, and the thinner, closer together ones are from holding her and her scales scraping against the skin. so not even just the Body is completely safe ! this is not an animal youre gonna wanna get your face real close to if theyre in a walkin mood

she doesnt even MEAN to scratch the shit outta me, its just kind of a byproduct of being a big tree lizard. her tail is absolutely the worst thing to get hit by though. the WORST. lucky me she doesnt attack anything that isnt a dog or a vacuum cleaner or her own reflection

ahhh i got her when i was 16 ! and i dont know her exact age but she was somewhere between 3-6 months when i get her - SHES probably closer to 9 years, but ive had her for about 8

LENGTH THOUGH...... the last time i measured her she was just barely under four and a half feet, but that was a few months ago and its possible shes. Just Slightly larger. shes currently sleeping as i type this so i guess we will never know

duel me

too late for coats..... its all tail action now

ROCK ASKS AND ALSO ASKS ABOUT PUTTING ROCKS IN YOUR MOUTH

oh MAN i feel you . . . . . . . . . . i dont think i could actually Bear To Eat any for real but some of em. just. they. i gotta. just. bite on em a LITTLE just a little bit, a tiny bit, a nibble

when i was real young i used to tap things against my teeth to tell what kind of substance they were made of based on the feeling/hardness/density WHATEVER and i still sometimes do it when im checking stuff out and. it uhhhhh sure is interesting finding out not a lot of people did that

a handful of these delicious raw agates, just for you

please stop spying on me

i DO NOT but you may eat this piece of bornite

meet me at the airport and ill cover your bus fair

theres a lotta different ways to figure out what kind of rocks you got but when you have absolutely no clue on where to start your best bet is to search for the biggest distinctive features of it, and try to narrow it down based on the results

like for something like these pieces of chalcedony, you could try “waxy green translucent mineral”, and from the search results find a few candidates that might be what you have on hand, and then look into each one to see if you can get a definite answer 

ive got a handful of rock and mineral guide books that i always pick through whenever i snag something im not sure of, and if youre REAL into it those are always something you could start keeping an eye out for 

now this is a REAL superficial way to telling what something is and wont be useful for a good chunk of minerals ( as a lot of samples can look really close to something else ) and THIS is a much more in depth way of telling something apart, but its also a lot more time consuming ! so good luck. and good eating.

Just Try And Fucking Stop Me

ANIMAL ASKS THAT ARENT............ ABOUT MY LIZARD

im married to this one actually

fuck. ok. heres. a secret. a In the ask Post secret. wasabi goes through a period that lasts a month every single year where she carries eggs in her gut, and spends that month not eating and digging around in everything, trying to find the right spot to lay these eggs. and. when it happens i never know what to do with them, and i dont want to just THROW THEM AWAY so i. eat them. i eat the eggs. i fuckin eat the eggs dude

Theyre All Goddesses

unless you plan on having your lizard roam around outside whenever they want, the outside environment doesnt really matter much for most reptiles as long as you set their habitat up right ! BUT i do know that australia has bans on certain reptiles ( iguanas are one of them ) and so youre gonna have to look up whats actually available in that area 

 bearded dragons are native and those are always a good option, but so are a lot of geckos - its really gonna depend on what youre into ( but i dont really recommend anoles if thats an option, because theyre fast as Hell and dont like being handled )

what the fuck is a bee

oh geez im sorry ! i remember going through this with spiders a lot when i was younger to the point where looking at photos of em used to be a fuckin, TRIAL 

you could try a really gradual exposure deal, where you start off with getting comfortable with just images, and slowly working your way to dealing with one in a controlled setting ( like a petstore, maybe ? not HANDLING em or anything, but just being near one in a way where its absolutely impossible for them to touch you )

the shitty thing about this kind of phobia is that even if you KNOW its irrational theres sometimes not a lot you can do about it, but if you can stand looking at photos of them you could try learning up about them, and finding out the types of species youre likely to encounter around your house, and seeing how many ( if any ) are ones you should avoid ?

i know some people that have major problems with snakes are because theyre unsure if the ones they find are poisonous or not, and it might go a long way to confirm that the reptiles you meet wont be able to harm you even if they TRIED ( which is gonna be the case with a lotta house geckos, they cant do SHIT youre a GIANT )

very VERY few lizards have venomous bites, and the worst most of em can do is give you a bloody finger if theyre large enough, and even then its usually not much worse than a cat scratch !

still though, if youre really serious about trying to get past this, dont force yourself too quick into what you think you SHOULD be, and take tiny steps outta your comfort level when you can

this probably isnt uhhh SUPER helpful hh hhah but good luck !  shit im going through this post and its like ALL reptile photos. im sorry

i feel about them, with my hands

MMM it shouldnt HURT them unless theres something Really wrong, considering its a natural procession of growth, BUT its definitely itchy as hell, to the point where reptiles trying to remove it will drag their bodies over stones or walls tryin to get it off

sometimes wasabi drags her whole hind foot over her head like a dog to get it off and it is. a Sight

ahhh honestly there arent a lotta reptiles thatre gonna do much more than TOLERATE the touch and not really, enjoy it, like a dog or cat or bird

but speaking from experience with wasabi, youll probably want to avoid most the head and stick with the top of the back near the sides - wasabi doesnt enjoy having her tail messed with much either, but shes ok with her dewlap and feet being touched

the most important thing to keep an eye out for when youre touching one is their body language, because  THATS gonna be a dead giveaway for whether you need to back off or not

closing their eyes is a sign of stress, not enjoyment ! same with tilting the head back, but if thats ALL theyre doing then youre probably not gonna face any retaliation

B U T if theyve got an extended dewlap with a raised body or tail off the ground, not a good idea to interact with em ! thats a defensive posture, and you risk getting hit with a tail or even bitten if your hand gets too close

youve got more to risk with males, who are way more territorial and generally larger, but if they seem pretty chill when you approach and dont stand up and stare at you, youre probably in the clear

COCK of the ROCK

I HAVE im so jealous of anybody whos got to see one in person - actually handling one is a level beyond that which i could even comprehend

OTHER THINGS.....

no but i was bit by a pigeon once

this is the only joke i know

i fuckin WISH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ayy im into it - honestly i havent been following the band so much as just kinda, picking up whatever anybody else mentions and so my knowledge on Gorillaz Lore is pretty uhhhh h hh h scattered but im definitely interested in seeing where this goes

i remember watching the first and second season and it being pretty good - some of the episodes and jokes are hit and miss but you absolutely got me with the creature and alien design

havent seen any of the third season yet though !

i mean the fruit ones could be pretty up there 

how bout. an abstract concept. who cares about physical forms wheres the dragon of melancholy 

why come theres nothing to eat in my apartment but bread. im good otherwise but its all just bread

i havent watched either of em in YEARS and YEARS but i distinctly remember. these lil dancing mushrooms

oh wait FUCK 

FUCK !!!!!!!!!

no... NO.... she is not allowed to eat ANYTHING from the plan shelf, try as she MIGHT

im a little mad that this sill isnt bigger because the only other one that gets sun is in my room and wasabi WIll... absolutely eat those. no doubt. a convenient and expensive salad, for my awful gremlin 

god im looking at these and its all jade plants isnt it

little golden books taste the best but they can make you sick if you have too many at once. my favorite genre for snacking is sci fi fantasy but anything over 300 pages tends to get a little tough if you dont break it up with smaller chunks. non fictions always a gamble because the taste is wildly different each time but you can usually tell how ripe it is by the cover color

ayy im already a big fan of some of their stuff, ive got a couple songs from them in my music tag - im especially into i miss you and their shut up and bring it here remix

TOP FIVE THINGS

1

2

3

4

5

this is barely related but once i filled up a bathtub with water and then dumped about ten bags worth of mint tea into it and then just. soaked around in the tea. listen it was really nice. id try the cheese

i dont have any ships but i was on one of those model pirate boats once for a school trip. our boat was named naruto and the other one was named sasuke and the captains shouted “make them kiss” and ran them into each other. everybody on board drowned

youre trying to trick me into googling yoshi without shoes and its not going to work

me reading this message from the safety of my apartment :

nice try, but wrong again ! : )

THIS IS GOOD info, thank you

oh SHIT the other side of paradise, take a slice, life itself, and season 2 episode 3 are all my Big Faves

the way you phrased this makes me think you already have a strong opinion on it

hey uh. coming from a person who was absolutely CONVINCED that theyd be dead in the future when they were 12, a not insignificant part of that was me feeling that there was something irreversibly wrong with me for not behaving or acting in certain ways based on what was going downstairs

and obviously im still HERE but it means i can understand how devastatingly terrible it can feel when youre that young and it seems like the way you behave and feel are flawed, or dirty, and anything that can lessen that feeling and make you comfortable in your own body is huge, can save your life

not that im saying its always a LIFE OR DEATH decision !

i guess if youre viewing it as adults forcing a child into making decisions that you dont think theyre capable of understanding its easy to be hesitant about getting behind it, but nobody is forcing a child to be trans. nobody has tricked them into feeling this way. you cant just walk in and get started on treatment on an immediate whim - some programs require 2 YEARS of concrete evidence before theyll even consider it

i feel like you should try speaking to the parents of trans children before you really put down a concrete opinion on whether this is a good or bad thing, and seeing the difference ( if any ) its made in their lives 

people whove detransitioned, or found they had ultimately a different identity than the one they were exploring could also be an avenue to look intto ! i have several acquaintances who, after a period of years, found they werent trans but wouldnt take back the time where they were figuring out if they were, and i know this doesnt invalidate the friends i have who ARE 

ultimately this is what it boils down to for me : Its Sure Gotta Beat Being Dead

i WILL give you that ive definitely seen a lot of overreactions to seemingly innocuous topics on this website

but youve also got to keep in mind that everybody who is saying these things MEANS them, and to them theres a completely reasonable explanation to why they feel that way

im not saying you should blindly accept any criticism you get, but to instead try to get a grasp on WHY theyre responding the way they are instead of immediately dismissing it

its because i cant drive and they wont let me sit in the front on account of the smell

NICE THINGS

AHHHH I GOT.. a bunch of other really sweet messages to the point where id feel weird about putting em ALL UP BUT... IF YOU SENT ME SOMETHING i can promise i absolutely saw it and it made my day better and just, holy shit, thank you for taking time out of your life to say anything to me at all

because you didnt have to, even a little bit

youre all beautiful and im kissing you on the mouths all at once. no take backs

[msf-diamond-dog]

Same for you, all of them!

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

Closed, but not really for any reason.

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

Very vaguely, yes.

(3) Can You Whistle?

No, I’ve stopped trying to learn. I cant do it.

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

Full Power by AC Slater

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

Pretty much and darkish or vibrant blue.

(6) Relationship Status.

Single :C

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

 102 F

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

Nope, I dont think I ever wake up cranky.

(9) How Many Followers?

I dont even know.  Half of them are pornbots.

(10) Zodiac Sign.

Gemini

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

Brown!

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

Do Monsters count

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

Yeppers

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

The Last Wish by Andrzej Sapkowski

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

“...somewhat entertaining.”

(16) Favourite Anime?

HmhmH... Probably FMA.

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

Probably my sister. I honestly dont even remember the last time I cried. 

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

Toys and games!

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

Nothing

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

Nah

(21) Favourite Animal?

DOGGOS

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

Nah

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

Probably around 1 or 2am.

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

I am not. My sister wanted me to put on mascara today though so we shall see.

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

OCEAN

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

Honestly just all my friends blogs

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

Bottled, sadly. The water here tastes horrible. Like drinking a swimming pool.

(28) What Makes You Happy?

Music, people.

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

I dont have any gifs D:

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

I study better without it but Im not gonna turn it off.

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

Dogs

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

That shitty gray one that no one uses but it somehow is all dull with the paper all ripped up and it has like a bunch of other colors smashed into the ends

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

Playstation!

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

Ocean,

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

Nah

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

A gray Fallout shirt

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue

Yep

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

Both

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

Yeah, some headphones

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

No not really.  Nothing new, anyways.

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

Nah, I leave them alone. 

(42)Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

I used to be but Im not anymore. 

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

Yeah...I only remember bits and pieces of them though

(44)Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

Ive never been on one before

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

A movie has never made me cry before

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

Sunflower seeds

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

ZAO and Im gonna see them soon.

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

Not at all.

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

Depends on how well my meds work that night

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

Hells no, I love it

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

I love to read but Im not a writer.

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

YEAH

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

Carve pumpkins.  Im not good at wrapping presents and Ive never carved one before.

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

I Am the Best by 2NE1 (HA)

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

Summer

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now?

Affection, quite honestly.

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

Its just a picture of like 6 golden retrievers

(58) What Is Your Gender?

Male

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

I dont know.  I like them both the same.

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

No homework.  Last day of break. :C

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

Straight

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

Naw.

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

Cubone and Haunter!

(64) Favourite Social Media?

Tumblr.

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

I dont give a shit?

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

Sometimes. Not often though.

(67) Are You A Virgin?

Yeppers

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

Dove

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

Depends on where I am.  If its a shady place Id take the hotel. If its decently safe Id sleep in my car.

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

Yep!

(71) Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

Deadpool 2

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

I dont have an ex.

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

“If you’re scared to do it, then do it scared”

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

I think all eyes are fucking gorgeous but my favorite has dark brown 

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

Swinging is the SHIT.

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

I havent eaten anything today sooo idk.

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

Blendoku 2 (my favorite) and Random Heroes 3

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

Yeah, why does it matter if theyre homeless?

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

Yeah

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

Nah

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

Yes and no? I like learning about people but I dont like the interaction part.

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

No rings

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

Unless its really hot, I sleep with it closed.

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

Woke up, cleaned a bit, played some games.

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

Shorts and a tshirt

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

I dont have any.

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

NIGHT

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

Fuckin hell, I have too many to list here. 

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

One of my favorite dreams was I was working in a dollar store, and like 4 guys with guns ran in and were like robbing the place and I just looked at them and said “why the fuck would you rob a dollar store?” and they just look at me for a few seconds and then shot me. I had it a few years ago.

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

Dr, Pepper

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

Pretty much and percussion/clicky noise.

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

Jeans.  I dont even have a pair of sweats.

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

Shitty like usual

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

Music

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

First one Im getting is a Maximal insignia.

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

Idk man.

Thank you Jana! C: