#like sure i find some of the Lines hot but thats because hes played by neil newbon. what do u want from me

[iicaru2]

people who find ascended astarion hot and not absolutely devastating frighten me. ive ascended him exactly once (for my origin gale run where the goal is to let them both ascend and be ambitious power hungry vaguely evil boyfriends) and that was enough for me to decide i am Never doing that again

[heartofwritiing]

Hello!!! I saw that Lovejoy was being interviewed by MTV and I was wondering if you could write something where the reader is an interviewer and interviews them and Wilbur is like flirting with them the whole time, I totally understand if you don’t write it. You’re an awesome writer by the way:))

first omg thank you for saying im an awesome writer! i really appreciate it!! 🥹 second; THIS RIGHT HERE I will try my best since I don't really know how to write flirty but I hope you like it anyways!!

*I tweaked it a little that the reader is a fan of lovejoy but thats just me self reflecting… also this is unedited and kinda rushed so please forgive me if its not good and there are any mistakes!

musicianbur x fem!reader

-

“We are here with lovejoy at the biggest festival in new york city!” you didn’t try to hide your excitement as you spoke so enthusiastically into the microphone and looking directly into camera.

Lovejoy was one of your favorite up-and-coming bands. Working for an independent entertainment network gave you some advantages when meeting people in the industry you admired. But doing an exclusive interview with Lovejoy, you couldn’t wrap your head around. Since you first started listening to their music, you were so enthralled by their sound and lyricism, how could you not be a fan.

“How are you guys this hot afternoon?” you giggled and held the microphone towards the person standing closest to you, Wilbur. The lead singer of the band.

You would be lying if you didn’t find him attractive at all when you were standing right next to him. You couldn’t deny the nerves in the pit of your stomach standing so close to him that your arms bushed.

Following down the line were; Ash, Mark, and Joe at the end. They all chuckled at your remark about the weather and nodded in greeting.

“We're doing good! Just got off stage and feeling great! This is- well most of us anyways- first time in new york so we're excited to be here. ” Joe answered.

You nodded and brought the microphone back over to yourself.

“I was watching your whole set, and I gotta say, you guys were incredible! I am such a huge fan of you guys! I'm kinda freaking out that I get you to interview you!”

Other interviewers would always say that in apathetic tones but Wilbur could tell from the smile that graced your lips and sparkling eyes, your words were genuine.

“thank you so much, glad to meet a fan.” Wilbur winks. You almost stutter out the next question but play it off by clearing your throat, hoping the mic didn’t catch your falter.

“I know you guys love your fans, and they love you tenfold, so I imagine getting to meet them is such a great experience so, Do you have a favorite fan interaction?"

Mark was the one who answered the question first, but Wilbur wasn't listening to his response because he could not take his eyes away from you. In addition to being polite and praising their work so graciously, he also thought you were extremely attractive. Everything from your hair framing your face to your beautiful smile seemed to pull him closer to you like a magnet.

Wilbur's eyes burned into your skin while he watched you listen to Mark intently. You could feel him staring at you and it wasn't making you uncomfortable, but it made your pulse race in excitement. glancing at Wilbur briefly, He held your gaze for a few seconds before looking away quickly as he had gotten caught. You couldn't help but the mixture of thrill and confusion that washed over you. You knew something was happening between you two, but you weren't sure what it was.

Mark finished his response, then each member had answered until you had to hold the microphone up to wilbur for his reply.

"Yeah, I love every interaction I get with fans, especially when they're so genuine and lovely,"

You do not know why your mind automatically associated that with you, maybe it was the slight tone in Wilbur’s voice that gave you the impression.

At some point during the interview, Wilbur moved closer to you. Bystanders would see him shifting his feet to debauch his nervousness, but you understood what he was doing was on purpose trying to closer to you. The nearness between you made your face flush, and your heart quicken. You weren't sure what to do with yourself as every time you leaned over to let the others speak into the mic you were unintentionally brushing against Wilbur.

Sadly, the interview had to come to an end after you asked some questions that were sure to satisfy your producer’s. With an outro and a ‘cut’ from the camera man, you had called it a wrap.

Bidding your goodbyes to the band with firm handshakes and your genuine congratulations to their success you had finished your time with them.

When you turned to walk away to help finish packing up the equipment, a voice calling your name made you turn around in surprise.

Wilbur was jogging over to you with a nervous smile and reaching a hand over to you. He seemed like he had something on his mind he wanted to tell you so it was his turn to ask you a question. You waited with bated breath.

“I was wondering if I could get your number? if not I totally get it. I think you’re really nice and would maybe like to get coffee with me sometime?” Wilbur asks, shoving his hands in his jean pockets and rocking on his feet. It was honestly so adorable how anxious he was.

You on the other hand couldn’t believe the leader singer of your favorite band was asking you out- not asking you out- it was just your number and coffee. Maybe something more if you were lucky but, you wouldn’t get your hopes up.

There was no harm in accepting his offer to take you out so you simply said;

“I would love to,” Reaching for your phone in your back pocket, you handed him the device and he typed his number into your contacts.

Once he was finished, he passed your phone back to you and grinned, like he had just won the lottery he was so happy.

“I’ll text you so I can let you know when Im free!” you say, sliding your phone back into the pocket of your jeans. Wilbur nods.

“We leave in a few days, end of the tour so we get a few days off before flying home so i have plenty of time to see you.”

“Im looking forward to it,” you say and his smile brightens somehow.

With a quick hug and ‘message you soon’, you both say your goodbyes when you get an all clear from your crew the van is ready to go.

Wilbur went back to join in with his group falling into conversation. With one final wave as you both gave each other one last look of longing, you climbed into the van being greeted by air conditioning and sat back with a sigh.

You couldn’t help the butterflies in your stomach as you drove off from the thought of the next time you would see Wilbur soot again.

[onetoomanyfandomfixations]

OM Demons & Their Broadway Duets

A.k.a the duet you two perform together that’s just a lil bit too on the nose

LUCIFER

You cannot tell me that he’s Not the same person as Hades

Mans has shit to do!!

But that doesn’t stop him from wanting you one bit

He knows he can seduce you, and that’s exactly what he will do

Also has that Stunningly deep voice thats just perfect for this roll

Enjoys making you squirm on stage with his words and voice

Probably circles around you whilst singing

10/10 very hot

Will def invite you to see him after the performance for some quality time

MAMMON

The exact kind of greedy, insecure loving he needs

He wants to sing more because “The Great Mammon deserves the spotlight”

So he sings Elphaba

Tbh, finds it really therapeutic to express his feelings for you so wholly

LOVES that its so intimate; he gets to hold you, with an undeniable excuse!

Gets so flustered during rehearsals

Only makes him love you more

Listens to it often, cause it makes him happy to think of you

He will deny this

LEVIATHAN

He would have died if it was a romance duet, c’mon guys

He was struggling getting on stage as is

So getting to pretend to play video games, right next to you in stage while talking about how he hates everyone else?

Perfect

Has the audio clip of you saying “is it really true, i’m your favourite person”

Listens to it daily

Actually has an Amazing voice, holy shit

It’s Your song and no one else can sing it with you

Probs get the matching pac-man tattoo from the original musical

SATAN

As said before, a hopeless romantic to the core

Thinks this entire musical is god tier

The only one to know and love the entire musical connected to your performance

You see it together “as research” before doing the scene together

Perfect on stage, as expected

Probs cups your face for a Significant portion of the song

Loves being to protector, instead of the persecutor; like he is so often made out to be

Will sing it to you quietly as you slow-dance in his room in the early hours of the morning

Wants it to be the first dance at your inevitable wedding

ASMODEUS

Guess who’s back on their asmo-is-baby bullshit

Mans relates to Audrey So Hard

So its only right he plays her part

You are his Seymor

He tries not to think about it, or else he’ll cry

Thinks its a really beautiful song

Don’t tell him the ending of Little Shop of Horrors, he’ll be devastated

ADORES being on stage, makes every minute of it

Kisses you as soon as the songs over, so deeply and passionately

The audience goes wild

Both of you are grinning wildly

BEELZELBUB

He’s more than happy to sing a song about loving you in front of as many people as you want

Honestly just happy to be spending time with you

Sings Zoe, because he just wants to reassure you that he loves you

Like Lucifer, has a beautifully deep voice

Constantly checking you’re not as insecure as Evan

Makes sure you know he loves you, even if you aren’t insecure in the slightest

A custom bed needs to be built for the two of you to sit on for the scene bc he’s so Large

Puts his heart into the line “I don’t want you to fix what I’d rather forget”, because he needs you to know that you aren’t a replacement for Lilith

He loves you, as you.

BELPHAGOR

Idk what bullying you had to do to get this but go you ig???

Hates JD with a passion

He reminds him too much of how he was during his time in the attic

But it’s almost like a redemption for him; he can do it again but this time he chooses you

He chooses you instead of the anger, the hurt

Voice is probs really raspy because he’s always sleeping

Didn’t do rehearsals, just wung it on opening night

Enforced naptime afterwards

DIAVOLO

Listen, this is Very Directed

He chose this song for a reason; he needs his people to know that loving you is not a political choice

He just loves you

Relates more to Alyssa, but sings Emma for impact

Probs doesn’t have time to be doing something like this??

Barbatos is On Him for the overdue paperwork

But this is Fun

And it’s with You

He loves preforming

Probs has a good vibrato too

Post show fancy dinner date 💕💕

BARBATOS

l i s t e n

Mans is perfect for Warner

Is more than happy to let you have the spotlight

Loves being able to say he loves you so plainly

Sometimes the song makes him think about the realities where you stayed in the human realm

It makes him grateful that you chose the Devildom

That you chose him

But he tries not to linger, because you both have a song to do

Master of honey tea before going on stage

Warm them vocal chords UP

Always praises you on how wonderful you were the second that mics are off

[anatrik]

First thoughts TTPD:

What a lana x folklore girlie win this issss!

1.Fortnight is about matty?? HAHAHAHA also why did this make me think of when holt was going running with the ladies when he was in witness protection??? Crying. Fav line has to be they were supposed to take me away but they forgot to come and get me. So sad but also so cool in relation to her cancellation/return. 10/10

2. TTPD- not so hahahaha anymore IS THIS ACTUALLY A FUCKING MATTY HEALY ALBUM??? There was a typewriter at the 1975 show she performed anti-hero at? Unless its somehow about harry? Who else is tattooed on her roster??? Or is this about herself? Kinda feel like modern idiots/who’s going to decode is directed at us lol😂 9/10?

3.My boy only breaks his favourite toys- went in expecting mad woman rage. Pleasantly surprised. king of my heart to queen of sandcastles he destroys….DESTROYED ME. Are you fucking kidding me rn? Im caling it. Best song. Im crying at 7.30 am this is not funny anymore. Also THANK YOU FOR NOT SLANDERING DAD. I knew you wouldnt let us down like that. Also the chorus sounds like long story short😭 oh this is so sad. Once i fix me hes going to miss me? He was my best friend?😭 he runs because he loves me? Stopp😭😭 1000000/10

4.Down bad- ….aaaand we’re back to MATTY AGAIN? He does not deserve this spotlight but why are all the song so goood😭😭😭 is this why artists love to date problematic men? It unlocks some extraordinary potential? Crazy crazy girl😭 also stay down (bad) 🤌🏾 shes done it again 10/10 also for personal reasons i will be believing this is about joe in that Tom/Joe/met gala overlap period when she was photographed going to the gym a lot and that this is about all that yearning please let it be about that plesplesplesplesplesples also down bad waking up in blood staring at the sky…like i lost a twin is giving bigger than the whole sky🥺

5. So long, london- so so long long, lon-don DONE? ok miss girl😭 the hoax parallels😭 dont be undoing the song i was going to play at my weddddding what is wrong with you😭 my only one my smoking gun to two graves one gun youll find someone??? Also reminds me of la la land :/ how much sad did you think I had in me? You wrote hoax so a lot ok leave us alone. crying again. 10000000000000000/10 oh lol its a track 5 ofc it is😂

6. But daddy I love him- she really said if you ever liked, shared or even LOOKED at the ‘vivaa las vegas’ memes you cant come to the wedding and shes so real for it. Lfgggg. Ubothered unhinged uhmazing. Growing up precocious sometimes means you still hold on to that princess/quarterback wattpad fantasy AS IS YOUR RIGHT QUEEN GO THE FUCK OFF🥳 100000/10 calling out toxic fandom for the first time and we love to see it🫡 this is suchhhh a happy songggg you deserve ALL the chaos and revelry.

7. Fresh out the slammer- god she gets it. Like sure he was great and he is still my biological father and everything but as a decidedly melancholy person myself who has constantly had atleast one close friend in a deep depression I can see how all that heavy lifting can just get heavy at some point especially when youre a partner and their sole lighthouse in wtv storms be out there buffeting their mental health. Its not for everyone and thats so fair and so valid but so sad as well. 10/10 for the honesty.

8. Florida- she really said girlrot summer🫡 this is the lanaest song ever. So lucky one/nothing new coded. This will be the First song I repeat and then so long london. Aaaghhh how i love a self aware melancholic anxious little superstar. 90283749292/10 thank you for giving florence an entire verse whew. Little did you know your home’s really only a town you’re just a guest in is soooo going on my body forever

9. Guilty as sin?- honestly just fuck if it means we dont have to hear about how desirable ratty healy is man ffs. IThe only reason he looks so hot is bc hes forbidden. You have to trust me on this. He’s sooo mid JESUS. U cant be writing hozier lyrics about a man that hasn’t met a shower😭 1000000/10 writing. -16392992/10 content. Unrequited love/lust truly is the greatest weapon in a poets arsenal bc where is this energy in the joe songs binch?😭 this is such a teen in love with a 26 yo creep who called me so mature for my age mom you just dont get ittt anthem😂😂

10. Who’s afraid of little old me?- is a warning 😂 im so here for it. Like yes I still hate matty with all my heart and soul but yes I agree fans should not be allowed so much of an opinion on another persons life and yes I should be afraid (I am). She said aight love letter era over I AM WRITING YOU ALL HATE MAIL AND I’M HAND DELIVERING IT. Shes sooo done pretending to be the relatable girl next door when she’s anything but and is now reminding us of it and yes yes yessss girl OWN ITTTTTTTT. I’ve been saying for agesssss that there is a darkness under all that sunshine from where she clawed her way to the top and this is sooo vindicating. 10000000000000/10 favourite song ever. Mad woman wishes she was who’s afraid of little old me. I am unwell. I am in love. This is the Taylor Swift i stan. The marketing genius the calculating business woman the puppet master with narcotics in her songs thats why we sing along🫡 she so can handle a dangerous man

11. I can fix him (no really I can)- you cant.

12. loml- ofc. OFC. Its the saddest song of all time. OFC. Fuck offf ughhhh. 😭😭😭😭😭 its giving happiness. Its giving divorce. i am a child of a broken home now and my parents still love each other and hold so much regret still. What do i do with thissss? Im just a little girl taylorrr! 1002380292011010101/10 soo so gooood.

13. I can do it with a broken heart- first of all track 13. Love it. Second of all the upbeat barbieness of it all. Third of all I FINALLY PLACED IT. Shes in her unrelatable era. She is not your girl next door. You will never understand her life. She is as much a phenomenon as a person and we literally only see as much as she allows us to and honestly if i have to get put in my place theres noooo better way to have it done. Im having such a great time actually. 10 BILLION TRILLION OUT OF 10 you tellll em girl you FUCKING TELL EM.

14. Smallest man who ever lived- not going to speculate on who it is bc they clearly had a serious problem and its not a joke but damn :/ thats so sad :/ hope they get help? Didnt expect this to be what the song was about at all?

15. The alchemy- she said TRAVIS IS MY BOY WITH HER WHOLE CHEST���� 10/10

16. Clara bow- did she just name drop herself ? I was so right about unrelatable era. Also the Subtle nod to olivia/sabrina noted and appreciated. Lucky one/castles crumbling (mature version) fr fr. Solid legacy song.

17. The black dog- shared your secrets with and location is the same whiplash as a red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground with no one around to tweet it🤌🏾 joe songs hit so so different 😭😭😭 1000000000/10

18. imgonnagetyouback- the valiant roar was not so valiant and more of a mew i guess. 7/10

19. The albatross- oh this is the ONE. The album defining song for sureeee. Mad woman on coke. A rose by any other name is a scandal???? Thats my religion right there. Little last great American dynasty twist there at the end! Fuck yea. She does reallly try to warn the men in her life have to give her that. One gazillion/10

20. Clearly god has favourites and they are the ppl called chloe or sam or sophia or marcus😭 ALSO this song is about joe for sure. The internet starlet hasss to be delaney rowe!!!! It HAS TO BE. 10/10

21. How did it end?- shes back for the fans😂 plot twist the breakup is with yall🤌🏾 but yesss say it louder! One gasp and then how did it end. So good. 100/10

22. So high school- lmao aristotle grand theft auto ONLYY taylor swift man😭😂 you know what you want and boy you got her🫡🫡 11/10

23. I hate it here- mother’s having a mental breakdown kids yk the drill🤌🏾 10/10

24. ThanK you aIMiee- what better way to say fuck you to a hater than to thank her for jumpstarting your legacy my god!!! She is insane for this. The capitalisation is a bit petty tho ngl. 8/10

25. I look in peoples windows- once again I thank you for the kindness and respect shown to joe. Never doubted you but thank you nevertheless. 10/10 short as nice to have a friend but it didnt need to be longer.

26. The prophecy- its so sad and humbling to see even a woman at where she is having to beg for love bc that literally is the nature of love. Something humiliating, to have to beg for 🤷‍♀️ cards playing out like fools in a fable cursed like eve got bitten. No one writes like her damn. 10/10

27. Cassandra- very madeline miller on this one. Love love loveee modern takes on tragic greek women. 100/10

28. Peter- ah fuck. This one is going to hurt (it did). 1000000/10 my ribs get the feeling she did😭 all her joe related aches are so bone deeeep ugh. Promises oceans deep but never to keep😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 oh god it hurtsss it hurts it hurtss

29. The bolter- curious child ever reviled except by her father wow.

30. Robin- OMG! I needed this song growing up sooo bad. That way to go tiger felt so so warm like running into a kitchen after a day of being in the mud and u tell ur mum the silly things u did and shes genuinely interested and impressed by your smol victories. A bajillion/10

31. The manuscript- postmortem of every ex ever🤌🏾 love it.

[maxormillie]

VOX HYPNOTIZING VAL TO SAY HE LOVES HIM AND HEAR IT BACK AND ERASING HIS MEMORY TO NOT DEAL WITH TGE EMOTIONAL FALLOUT / DYNAMIC CHANGE IS SO GENIUS OH MY GOD 🤯

Val wakes up like "wtf happened last night?" And Vox is just like "You got high and we fucked 🙄" Or maybe they agreed to hypno play beforehand but Val is tricked into believing it was standard CNC roleplay or whatever kinky shit they usually get up to and he's like "why does my ass not hurt tho?" And Vox immediately just hypnotizes him again to stop asking questions.

What if Vox has been doing this for years? What if every time they do hypno play, he tells Val its for extreme roleplay but it's just so Val can't remember him asking for a vanilla sappy fucking where he gets all weepy and clingy and tells Val he loves him? Somewhere down the line Vox was able to admit his feelings to himself but NEVER to Val, because even if Val feels with same, that kind of convenient and relationship just just wayyy too emotionally vulnerable for Vox, so he just whips up these hypno sessions where he can get out his feelings so they don't biol over but still sace face. He could play out a whole "fake" relationship with Val for hours if he wanted to, then just mind control him into forgetting after. And Val would have no idea. IM LOSING MY MIND THIS IS EVERYTHING FOR THEM. CUZ IF VAL FINDS OUT SOMEHOW.. LIKE THATS SO DEEPLY VIOLATING AND WEIRD BUT NOT AT ALL KINKY THAT IDK HOW HED FEEL ABOUT IT. LIKE IF IT WAS JUST A SEX THING, SURE FINE, BUT VOX CREEPILY PLAYING DOLL WITH HIM TO THE POUNT WHERE HE HAS HOURS OF GAPS IN HIS MEMORY REGULARLY HHHHHHHHHHHH I AM BITING AT MY ENCLOSURE THIS IS AMAZING

Oooo you see the vision. I've always liked the idea that Vox and Val are not above using their powers on each other (or Vel for that matter, if we learn she also has some mind altering ability or more potions, I will lose my mind, that would be so hot of her). Hypnotism/Mind control is such an over-powered ability that living with Vox would have me on edge all the time fisibhdjau plus not having any privacy. Honestly, Vox is terrifying in that sense. I have also been thinking about them using their powers on each other at the same time to the extent that they're both completely out of it. As in Vox completely off his ass on Val's poison but also hypnotizing Val. So they're both technically at each other's mercy, but barely in control of themselves. Sure, Vox can make Val do whatever he wants, but he's so poison-high that he's barely coherent and anything he commands will be the poison talking more than him. And Val has no choice but to obey. Just both of them being victims in this weird fucked up power use. There's just so many fun ways they can hurt each other...

[wandaspillow]

She didn’t right?

Scarlett x daughter!reader

Warnings: sh, suicide, abuse.

NOT A PROOFREAD IM SORRY !!

A/N: i haven’t posted in over a month. Everything thats going on in my life is so fucking crazy, i nearly got suspended and im moving to Aussie.

Y/n's POV:

It's my moms week this week, and I can't fucking wait. I hated being at my dad full time because all he would do is beat me, yell at me, and make me feel like a disappointment. So most of the time I would just hide in my room and do my homework.

The only thing he was happy about, was when I would have all A's on my test. But if I didn't I wouldn't be allowed to eat, or he would beat me until

I passed out.

And that's what happened today. I got a B on my math test, and just so you know I'm not very good at maths. And he knows when I get my test back, so when I opened the door he was standing there waiting for my test results and when he seen them he started yelling at me.

I look at his other hand and it hand a beer in it, that wasn't a good sign, he's probably drunk and something bad is going to happen and that's when he hit my head with the beer bottle and then I saw black.

My eyes opened and I saw it was light outside, so I thought it was still like around the time I come home from school, until I looked at my phone and say it was the next day, and my mom is picking me up.

Shit I have to pack my bags, I go to my room and pack my bags and my school books. I get everything I need and leave my room and see that my mom was here, I checked my face for any bruises and there were none thank god.

I look at my dad on the couch sleeping, that's all he does. I open the door and close it behind me, I see rose and cosmo are in the car too. I open the door and say hi to everyone. "How was your dad's baby?" My mom asked me "alright" I say and give her a fake smile.

"Y/n?" Rose says "yeah?" I answer her "can we play dolls when we get home" she asked "of course Rosie" I say and she smiles in her seat. We get to their house and get out of the car, I went to my room and put my bags down then rose and cosmo came into my room.

"Y/n/n?" Rose said "hm?" I said and looked up at her, "what's that on your belly?" Shit I didn't cover them, "nothing I just fell over at school" I say then cosmo said "are you sure sissy?" "Yes I am, don't worry about me. Now how about we just play dolls and cars?" I ask them "yay" they both said and we went to their play room.

It's been a few hours and it was around the time mum would cook dinner, then I remembered I had school tomorrow, the only reason I couldn't go today was cause it was a teacher only day, And I'm glad. "Guys dinner" mom yells from downstairs 'coming' we all say

We sat down at the table, mom made lasagne and she knows I love it (sorry if you don't like lasagne), then Colin came home and I send him a fake sweet smile as he goes and gets changed.

I finished and say I'm going to have a 'shower' and go up to my room. I look for my kit that I have I there, but I couldn't find it..shit I left it at my dads.

Then my see my razor, I drag it across my wrist and make red lines. I see the blood drip down my wirst and watch it, then I cover them up and turn on the shower and get in. When I put my wrist under the hot water it stings but it feels good.

As I finish I get a knock on my door and i say 'I'll be there in a sec', then I dry myself off and change into some shorts and a hoodie. I open my door and see it rose and cosmo. "Mommy said that's she says goodnight, and me too" rose says "and me!" Cosmo added "well tell her I say goodnight and goodnight to you too, I'll see you in the morning" I say "see you in the morning sissy" cosmo says.

I go to bed and see a text from my dad

My 'father'

Where are you?.

Y/n?.

Y/N WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU.

Me

Its moms week dad.

I turn off my phone and go to sleep.

The next morning:

I wake up from my alarm, I yawn and get out of bed. I see my school uniform on my desk and it had a note on it.

'Sorry y/n I have an emergency at work can you take your sister and brother to school please.

Love mom.'

I smile at it and go to my bathroom to brush my teeth. After that I go to cosmo and Rosie's room to wake them up and get them ready.

After they're ready I get myself ready, but I keep on having flashbacks about the night at my dads. I sake it off and get ready. I do my hair and get my bag, and see the kids are watching tv, "come on guys let's go" I say and they grabbed my hand and held on to it.

We started walking to their school and as we go their all of roses friends went up to her and cosmos too, "bye guys" I say to them, "bye sissy" they both say and go walk with their friends, as I started walking to school.

I started walking on a bridge, and I looked down and wondered what would happen if I jumped off...probably nothing to be honest. So I got out my phone, and there was no password because my dad never let me have one.

I went into my notes and wrote something. I took my bag off put my phone in it and went on the railing and jumped off, I didn't move, and I wasn't scared. I just relaxed my body and fell into the water and saw black.

Scarlett's POV:

As I'm at work I get a phone call, it was y/n's school, I wonder why they're calling. I answer and it was the office, "hello Scarlett speaking" I say, "hi Ms Johansson I'm here to inform that your daughter hasn't come to school" she says "oh okk I'll call her" I say and hang up my phone and call y/n.

She wasn't answering.

Then she finally answered, but it wasn't her.

"Y/n?!" I say on the phone, "this is not y/n, I found their bag and I heard a phone ringing" the person on the other side side. "Is she around you?" I ask "um ma'am..I don't know how to say this but I..I think she jumped" the person says

"what do you mean by jump?" I asked "she j- jumped off the bridge..." I stay silent "ma'am?" They ask "yes, yes I'm sorry I got to go" I say and that's when I call d the police and drove to where her phone was as fast as I could.

As I got there, there were police officers and other people looking for her. I tried to call her father, but he didn't answer. And soon they found her..she was blue..she looked lifeless.

They were trying to bring her back but they just couldn't, after 30 minutes of trying they announced her dead.

My oldest daughter.

She's dead.

Then one of the police officers came up to me, "miss Johansson I think this is your daughter's" she says. "Thank you" I whispered. It was her school bag, it had all her books and her phone, and lunch.

I grabbed her phone and it unlocked, she didn't have a password?..anyways the last thing she was on, was her notes and I looked at them.

And it said:

The person that was writing my story ran out of ink.

I felt tears in my eyes, I didn't know my daughter was feeling this way..then I looked on her photos. It was photos of her bruises, where did she get them from.

Until I remembered why I left her father. When he drunk to much he would do thing he would regret, but he did it to his own daughter.

I such a bad mother.

TIME SKIP:

I don't know how to tell roses and cosmo. Should I tell them she's gone to live with her dad?, or should I tell them she's gone away?.

I don't know what to do.

NO ONES POV:

After a long time, cosmo and rose have me wondering where their sister is, they tried to ask their mother but she would just say she's at her dad's.

Until today. "Cos, Rosie" Scarlett said "yes mommy?" They both said. "You know how I said your sister is at her dads?" She says "mhm" rose hums, "yup" he says popping the 'p'. "Well..you won't get to see your sister anymore.." Scarlett says to them.

"Why?" They both ask, "because she's in a better place now" she says and they nod, knowing what she meant somehow.

That was two months after her first daughter's death.

My Masterlist.

(Sorry its short)

[anonymousdanganronpaconfessions]

While some yandere stuff can cross a line into "hey thats fucked up stereotypes" every trope can do that. The human brain can fixate and obsess for millions of reason, and to just assume it has to be bpd to me feels more like it villainizes bpd more then the yandere content because its like "oh only people with this specific disorder do this horrifying crime" like no? of course not?

Sure maybe a yandere kokichi is Just Like That but also maybe he's terrified of losing people after years on the street and after they get hurt they start to spiral because they can't lose yet another person. Sure maybe yandere sonia is Just Like That, or maybe she's spoiled nobility and royalty and as such was raised to view her own wants and desires over the needs of the common folk and that she is entitled to what she pleases.

There's layers to it, because like all HORROR tropes, it takes from real life fears and complicated emotions about said fears and plays with it in a safe environment. Is a lot of it poorly written? Yeah, I won't deny it, but that doesn't mean its inherently bad.

I know fucked up pregame is a hot button issue but PLEASE i am begging people to consider why people gravitate towards it beyond going "Ew looking at people liking GROSS things" for me I find it as a great outlet for my own anxiety/trauma about fandoms and how quickly they'll turn on you and hurt you and rip you apart and look at every inch of your life and still say it's for your own good or that its just harmless fun. Along with how EASY it is for lonely outcasted teenagers to fall into codependent relationships.

Also erotomania is RIGHT THERE if you wanna point at a disorder

.

[dirty-urie]

Diamonds and Daggers: a Ramble

This is a mess I don’t know what to tell you

First of all, I’m obviously interpreting most of the this song as literally sexual. Yes, it has deeper meanings, but i really don’t think it’s a straight up metaphor for getting fucked over by the music industry the whole time. I’m interpreting it like this because I’m horny! But also because I think it does Brendon a disservice to ignore what he’s explicitly (…very …explicitly) trying to communicate with the lyrics at face value. This song, I believe, was written for PFTW, that album is a love letter to vegas, reflecting on his youth from a place of success. A significant part of his Vegas youth and early success was his sex life. Obviously 😂 I have a whole blog about his sex life. So there’s some truth to it. Also, Brendon has always been very autobiographical in his writing, so I wouldn’t he surprised if almost everything comes from a place of real life experience, even if his main purpose is to communicate the punishing, addictive nature of his career.

Anyway. This is a bad time to tell you guys I’ve always had a slight masquerade mask kink 😂 they just make people hotter. I’ve started appreciating the emotional intimacy intimacy side of sex so so much more in the last year and a half or so as I’ve been unpacking trauma and forming strong bonds with who I’m attracted to, but fuck if the thought of having a no-holds-barred all night fuckfest with a mysterious stranger doesn’t sound pretty appealing 😂 especially a man even though I generally fantasize about women. Maybe it’s because men are already sub-human to me, so a faceless jacked sex slave to wordlessly do my bidding sounds perfect (THATS A JOKE DONT CANCEL ME)

(He’s a baby in this gif and therefore unsexy but you get the picture)

This song is what I envision when I think of early-to-mid-twenties Brendon on sexy Vegas romps (and the overly sexualized picture of Vegas in general… not just the sad expensive dusty desert town it normally is in reality. I mean, it’s fun, but normally not sexy sexy like you would wish it was.) Debauchery and anonymity and eagerness certainly. Beyond the physical setting of Vegas, I feel like d&d (unfortunate abbreviation), calls on some of his early touring days. A blur of substances and hotel rooms and more substances and sensations pretty people he’ll never see again in a good way. I love the submission and masochism, first of all because it’s so so so Brendon, but also because it depicts his… I’m not sure the right wording. Lack of maturity? Inexperience? Naivety of the time? Maybe self-doubt? It’s not quiiiiiite immaturity in the way But It’s Better depicts immaturity (shitty cocktails and naively believing you can find emotional fulfillment in meaningless sex. While there’s some sense of sex and booze dulling the pain, it’s different somehow. Less overt? Maybe it’s the ever-present sense of self-satisfaction, even when he wakes up alone in an alley, he’s still thinking of the taste of her. I think a lot of it could be that this song was looking back on naivety while BIBIYD was written during a place of strong naivety still. The boys had likely never actually been to a strip club at the time nor formed serious connections with sexual partners.) I mainly get a sense of deference to his partners as he’s assuming they’re older and/or more experienced and can show him the best way to a good time. In addition, the concept of novelty comes into play too there. If he lets a bunch of different people show him the way, he’ll learn a bunch more than if he’s leading them. I also love the line “I thought I’d seen it all ’til you dropped me to my knees”, mainly because it’s hot, but also because it really captures the awe and inexperienced naivety of young, exploratory sex. “You’re telling me there’s more?! 🫦🤤” Plus the “tell-tale heart” line tells me he was probably putting on a facade of confidence while nervous and/or embarrassingly excited deep down, which is another hint at immaturity and inexperience. It’s possible the heart mention is meant to imply more yearning for a deeper connection beyond the sex, but idk. It’s a demo so I’m not going to look too deeply into the lyrics themselves as they could just be drafts and placeholders without muchhhh meaning. It could also be a more tasteful way to bring up arousal. The words “tell-tale” make me think of him trying to play things aloof with a woman or other partner while obviously achingly hard. I’m sure there’s a connection to the Poe poem (the poe-m if you will), but I don’t know if it goes deeper than wordplay with the title.

B’s verified comment on But it’s better. Also the stripping story is wild and a little sad but I digress

I’ve always loved the juxtaposition of seedy shit (I’ve been fucked in many a shitty motel and apartment, and I have the most messed up nostalgia and romanticization of that time) and a classy facade, which I feel like the song really encapsulates. The black tie almost-eyes-wide-shut-esque orgy/S&M sex club, the velvet rope, waking up stumbling and fucked well, even the iconic “silk tie tourniquet” alluding to shooting up using nice clothes hbjjjsjsjk (I’m a recovering addict for those who don’t know and drug imagery+sex either makes me really horny because it’s double appealing or I go into a full blown panic attack because extremely iffy consent 😂 a fun Russian roulette game I play. But this imagery is appealing). Basically nice clothes scattered across the floor while debauchery takes place (I have a formal wear kink also if that wasn’t clear).

I’m obsessed with the hunger and desperation. We always knew Brendon to be a horny bastard, especially teens (ew I know) through late twenties. He still desires and enjoys sex now of course of course. But it’s slower, more about relishing emotions and forging emotional intimacy (for example, MOAB’s make-up/break-up sex depicted the emotional effect of sex on a relationship, the yearning to be physically close to make up for everything else. Sugar Soaker is playful moans and flirty teasing, probably drawing at least some inspiration from Sarah and his sex with her. But both songs certainly take sex… not for granted, but not as something he thinks he needs more than oxygen.) this song however. It’s a visceral biological NEED and that’s clear. It’s not making love, it’s fucking… hard (I did not mean to reference 50 shades 😂 but I realized I was as I was typing.) “wanna taste it all,” “beg and crawl,” “til I choke,” “starvin’”. Even as he’s fucking, its never enough: “louder, faster.” (I wonder if that’s his request or his partners’ for him. I assume he’s often the one penetrating [certainly not always. Pegging, fingering, etc. Not my thing but you do you. He says he’s never had penetrative sex with a man and I believe that just because why would he lie when he’s told us so much about his sex life already?], so it makes more sense coming from a partner he’s fucking. but could be a request coming from him during a blow/handjob, being ridden, impact play, aforementioned buttstuff, grinding, so it’s certainly not a given. I like the ambiguity, plays into the vibe of sex coming from everywhere and surrounding his life. Maybe he doesn’t even know who’s begging, just knows everyone fucking needs it. Maybe two people are fucking next to him and they’re requesting more, who knows? Not them and not me 😂) It also shows Brendon eager to please which I love. Lots of oral talk. That makes it clear that he’s desperate for more than just a quick orgasm despite the frenzy. He wants the new sensations, the skin-on-skin fervor, the satisfying moans of pleasure as you make someone come hard on your face (i miss eating pussy 😭😭😭😭😭😭) I feel like baby Brendon and modern Brendon fuck for the same length of time, the main difference is just that baby Brendon comes at least twice and sometimes early on, and elderly Brendon comes once at the very end when Sarah is tapped out and quivering and the sheets are soaked and fuck I’m going to come, someone sit on my face. My mouth is watering. It’s like baby Brendon is rushing to have more sex as he’s already deep into someone’s cunt. Nothing is ever quite enough. Like shoveling your face at a buffet even though you’re surrounded by food.

BAHAHAHAHA how did he say this with a straight-face

There’s definitely some slight hyperbole. While I’m sure he did attend orgies and get fucked hard against walls, there’s omission of the real-life awkward moments and human connection. It’s a high-light reel. Even the waking up in an alley moments are glamorized somehow. Like, he had bad haircuts and rotted on filthy tour buses and jerked off alone to shitty porn and had awkward embarrassing moments too back then. It wasn’t all underground sex parties. But I’m sure, especially in retrospect, some times just felt like a blur of bodies. It reminds me of hey look ma a bit, especially the music video, just going as hard as you can until you break down

While, again, I’m not analyzing anything too too deep (mostly I’m too sleepy and horny and a little sad tonight to be doing anything with my brain), I do want to touch on the phrase “Diamonds and Daggers” itself because it’s the title. It does kind of sound like words Brendon thought sounded good together and used as a place holder without much meaning, but I think at the very least, he’s talking about a carrot and stick type thing. He wants the good and the bad equally, pain with pleasure. This sort of plays into the idea of getting off on the very idea of depravity and sin so he wants it all. Also of course, it’s a metaphor for the music industry. I know I’m taking these lyrics very seriously and I appreciate the double entendres but I’m sorry, I’ve heard about his love-hate relationship with his job a billion times. I haven’t heard him getting strapped to walls a billion times. Fuck me 🤤 Also im autistic so literal meanings are easier for me 😂

There’s something about this song that is exactly what I’ve been wanting. It has the Vegas vibes that are a little deeper than just TWTLTRTD (which leaves a lot to the imagination but nothing is explicit. Calling himself a libertine, letting us imagine the sordid details of a casual affair, a FWB situation with Ms. Jackson, ggb about a threesome, partying in Vegas lights, a desperate hooked feeling about a person in nicotine, an obviously partially physical love affair throughout collarfull.) The lyrics to the original Vegas Lights sort of scratched the itch as they were more explicit but they were still more about generally being young in a party town. D&d has more art to it than MOAB or Sugar Soaker, which, while songs about sex, are kind of “I FUCKING LOVE HAVING SEX WITH MY WIFE IM SO FUCKING FAMOUSSSS” (Sugar Soaker sounds like a demo to me. I’m dead serious. I like it, but you can hear Viola’s influence and I don’t love him.) Honestly, as much as Panic! Is a sexy band who sings (sang 🥲) about sex, it’s normally in the context of an affair or relationship or shrouded in deeper meanings about the music industry or the nature of relationships. While this song certainly has that, it’s less annoying about it 😂 and like, the lyrics themselves are arousing I guess. That’s what it boils down to. While I might get aroused listening to casual affair and imagining him fucking me in secret while we sneak around, none of the lyrics themselves make me wet and desperate. These are different. And while I’m sure the initial thrill will wear off, it’s still a different effect than his slightly subtler songs

I wonder why this one was scrapped and adapted into Roarin 20’s (and I’m sure influenced other songs. Like hey ma.) I mean, it’s possible and likely this was always just a demo for him to capture the PFTW thematic and auditory vibe of reflecting on his wilder Vegas youth, and would never ever ever move beyond this anyway in the form of a song. But still, he wrote this sexy song for a reason. Could have been he was feeling nostalgic and horny but a reason nonetheless. He went as far as to record it, I do wonder if he wanted to make an explicitly sexy song for that album. I mean, it does fit well with the hedonism and music industry critique and pain and pleasure of pftw. But maybe he had to tone it down by label request or he didn’t want to feel to exposed (a good call considering a few atrocious fans during that tour) or maaaaaaybe even Sarah but I doubt it. She respects his art to the point that I don’t think she’d intervene unless it was explicit detail that obviously pertained to her (maybe why sugar soaker was toned down, but again, I think that’s just viola’s vibe). Or he just didn’t love it? I like that we’re getting it in demo form only personally. I’ve always sort of had issues with some of Brendon’s production and it’s easier to just say “it’s a demo, it’s going to sound a little bit shitty” than “THIS COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER AGH 😭😭😭” plus it’s more intimate. I wouldn’t exactly want to see him sing this live (well maybe once but that’s just to see his face and body as he sings it. But not every night.) and while I’d like a music video because I can see this song SO CLEARLY in my mind 😂 there isn’t one that would satisfy me short of straight up porn (and then I wouldn’t like it still because of the ethical ramifications so 😂 maybe if it was simulated sex with a qualified intimacy coordinator and also we get to see his actual naked body including his cock then I’d be happy enough. But still nothing he could put on YouTube.)

But speaking of a music video, I do want to translate it into another medium. Maybe a fic? Especially if it was a bunch of tiny vignettes and less of a traditional fic. Or maybe just more inspiration for my longer form fic. I can’t really draw but I could trace certain elements into cohesive visuals or try painting. I would consider commissioning an artist but I’m poor, and again, I see this so clearly in my head. So I’m worried an artist would butcher my mental image.

To conclude (for now), a list of lyrics that made me dizzy in a good way in no particular order (it may just be all of it lol):

Strapped to the wall

Louder, faster

You dropped me on my knees (SO GOOD FUCK)

Pull me back into the black-tie masquerade

One hundred perfect bodies, zero names

Evening gowns and eye holes, no taboos

I wanna taste it all

Could move it to the mattress if you want (mmmm submissive man, tumbling into bed together, yes 🫦)

The taste of you that’s left inside my mouth

Lock me up and keep your name under my tongue (it’s a shame this one never made it into any real panic songs. It’s clever enough and it works well with a lot of Brendon’s ideas. Codependency, addiction, more about the music industry.)

[tmwcs]

Heethans reaction to y/n getting jumped by bitches in a alleyway behind the school who are jealous of her relationship with Heethan

yooooooooo..... (mentions of murder and physical harm in the answer below)

so this is a good question bc i'm pretty sure alot of you may think that heethan only will attack guys....but um....remember what he did to tiff?

so generally, he wont really use violence against women...unless they cross the line. and believe me, that line is not too hard to cross. if a girl gives you mean looks or lashes out at you, he'll glare at them, tell them to fuck off, or just take you away while he gives them the death stare (ethan's death stare) and take you to your favorite cafe or pastry shop.

now......if a group of girls...(for some reason i got an image of those bitches from that show Glory...such a good show but man...it really pissed me off in the first episodes bc of what they did to to that poor girl with the curling iron) lets say we get those same girls, and they have a hot iron that they intend to do burn you with (just like in the show) of course we all know, that when you're not in class, heethan is always going to be there with you. he wont let you go anywhere without him, so i can't foresee you being in an alleyway by yourself...however....lets say it's after class, he's waiting for you, and just like in his heethan fashion, he gives it literally 1 minute after the bell sounds off, he'll watch as everyone exits the building because he's always parked along the curb that's outside the front entrance....if he doesnt see you or hear from you, he's walking in.

lets say you were assigned after class clean up for that day and you were in the classroom by yourself, going inside the storage close to put away the cleaning supplies as you wrap things up. and these bitches come up and they have a hot iron and say some terrible things to you because they're jealous (like tiff was). heethan, being prompt as ever (bc again....unless you're in class with your peers and teacher, he's never leaving you alone) he walks in and sees whats going on.

now, just popping up in my mind without even thinking about, he will handle this in one of two ways....

1.) he'll glare at them, walk right pass them and take you away back home. leaving the group terrified from his glare. as soon as he gets you back home, he'll put you on the bed and make you go to sleep, whether its by cuddling you to sleep or by giving you some melatonin to have you drift off......so he can make sure you stay put while he goes out and rest assured (again...line was crossed....heethan normally wouldn't resort to murder buuuuuuut....) anyone who means to do you harm, they're going to get it. just like scott and his crew. and in heethan fashion, probably will use his family influence to have that shit covered up, (again like he did with scott) if for some reason he can't pull off murdering those bitches, then he'll FUCK THEM UP in the worst way possible and let them know to keep their mouths shut otherwise he will go and kill them. man does not play around when it comes to ppl messing with you.

2.) he'll walk in, glare, walk right up the leader of the group, and will probably do exactly what he did to tiff. he'll ruin her face or disable some part of her, like her limbs or some shit. maybe will even take said curling iron and will burn her face off, ofc he'll be in his ethan mode bc thats the sadistic, twisted, and violent side of him taht he suppresses on the regular. I see this option being the likely one bc it would be very hard to get away with murder, but in this universe, he comes from such a well off and powerful family, that has such strong connections, it wouldn't be too hard for him, just i think he wouldn't find it necessary to actually kill them off unless they had actually burned you....at that point, game over.

[winderlylandchime]

2/2 ‘they actually did a football game? Please tell me they didn’t film an actual game cause their budget was bad and instead its a green screen and like three people running around pretending to play it. That would be hilaruous. Look at Debbie finding a way back to carl! Emmett caring about sports is weird. Ted YOU KNOW RIGHT? Come on, youre smart! (Drews fiancée walks in) oh no, i forgot that Em is the other woman, oh god Emy, you need to stop this’ Hunter told Mikey/Ben that he has a girlfriend ‘Are they saying Hunter is straight? But HE WANTED TO FUCK BRIAN. HE WANTED TO PAY BRIAN TO FUCK HIM. MULTIPLE TIMES! I was basically competing for Brian against Hunter! He was ready to fight Blondie for him’ ‘Champagne makes Bri puke? Thats cute. He looks hot. This is gonna sound weird because i know he has cancer and is getting radiation but how is he even hotter than he was? Brian is for sure judging and hating this dude. *pauses tv* okay so, let’s get this straight *looks at Brian* sorry bri bri for using a slur anyway, last season Brian would for sure try to get close to this guy and work with him and get money and power BUT NOW? He is judging the fuck out of him for using people for money and he is annoyed at the sight of the guy. You know what that is called? MY BABY BRI BRI IS GROWING UP! By the way, why didnt they just ask Brian to raise money? I mean he did it for the center?’ ‘Oh HE DID RESEARCH AND HE IS ANNOYED AND ANGRY AT THIS GUY. I fuck with this Brian! Brian last season wouldn’t give a fuck about what this guy does. And here he is! YOU GO BRI BRI! Rip him apart!’ Sam just came over to Mel and Linds and my brother immediately paused the tv and got up and left to go outside for a smoke. ‘Okay, i am back and i am more relaxed *sees Sam* fuck this guy.’ ‘Can Carl and Debbie stop calling each other friends. We all know this is more than that! FUCK YEAH CARL! KISS HER AGAIN AND STOP BEING AN IDIOT’ ‘HE LEFT EMMETT WAITING?! Fuck that guy. Emmett for fucks sake you deserve better, this is.. as my boy Bri Bri would say it, pathetic.’ He is now laughing at Michael having a crisis over Hunter being straight ‘okay his mother did fuck him up but that doesn’t explain BRIAN! HE WANTED TO FUCK BRIAN MORE THAN ME *goes quiet and looks at me* don’t even think about telling mom what i just said’ ‘EMMETT IS TELLING TED?! FINALLY! Took him long enough. I’m surprised he didn’t tell him sooner. Now Ted, tell him he deserves better because this shit was fucked up, how dare they hurt my baby boy Em’ WE ARE AT THE BRITIN HOSPICE SCENE!!! ‘What is going on? BRIAN IS GIVING AWAY HIS FURNITURE? Blondie has many ways to get Brian to do stuff but tell me, WHY WAS I ROBBED OF SEEING JUSTIN CONVINCING BRIAN TO DONATE HIS FURNITURE? Rude. I know that moment would be cute and funny. THAT FUCKER LEFT WITH THE MONEY?! Brian knew this would happen. Fuck that guy. Okay but for real, Brian is completely different since last season. I mean come on him going to a hospice? Him caring about some random dude taking money? Him donating furniture even if Blondie forced him.. MY BABY IS GROWING UP! And he is so totally gonna tell Blondie he loves him for the ending of the season!’ And Melanie confronted Linds ‘MEL KNOWS FOR SURE. SHE KNOWS. SHE WATCHED FROM THE WINDOW… *he is nervously watching the scene on the edge of the couch* they’ve been here before but it was the other way around, how boring. *his jaw almost dropped as mel says shes not sure if she chooses linds anymore* OH SHIT. This mightve been the first time where i actually am on Mels side. That was a fucking line. Damn girl! But also i told you guys like two seasons ago that you suck as a couple but did you listen to me? No. And now here we are with a baby on the way and bisexuality on the horizon and none of us are happy.’ I wish i was joking when I say that he immediately went back to watch the fucking pilot and the prom eps AGAIN. When i came back to the living room I found the prom episode paused on Brian and him sleeping with Brian the cat. Can you tell he’s had a few rough days?

Em being the other woman does not suite him, for sure. He deserves to be the center of someone’s world. Emmett not having a satisfying ending hurts me.

Champagne making Brian puke is 100% something the show got right with consistency - Brian tells Telson in s1 that champagne gives him a headache. So he’s consistent in turning down champagne (of course he does drink it at the Kinnetik launch but my headcanon is that he only drinks the very expensive stuff).

His crisis about Hunter being straight “he wanted to fuck Brian more than me” I AM DYING. Is your brother having a sexual awakening?

I adore adore adore his observing Brian’s growth and how he wouldn’t have cared as much about the Liberty Ride and everyone being taken advantage of in S3. And yes we were robbed of the scene where Justin withholds sex and gets Brian to donate his Barcelona chair. I’m going to point out that Brian and Justin trick. Brian could have had plenty of sex, but NO it’s sex with Justin he cares about.

And yeah, the awful dynamics of Lindsay and Melanie have come home to roost. AND there’s another baby involved.

He rewatched the Pilot and Prom? This man is me, tbh. Right down to the falling asleep with a cat.

I hope he’s feeling better!

[batsyforyou]

Hiya! for the OC ask game, 1 for any/all OCs you wanna talk about :)

Hello and thank you for the ask! I will be honest I kinda feel like I have been caught with my pants down cause I completely forgot I posted/reblogged that but I am more than happy to share my OCs. I think I am going to mention two that I'm working on and none of what is here is solid yet. Like, its not concrete! I keep forgetting the right analogies for these things, are they analogies?

I think one for Skyrim and one for whatever is happening on the other end of my fishing line lol. Also, I'm working off of minimal sleep and a high amount of caffeine so I apologize if this comes off as weird. Im sure it will.

Number 1 says, "What is their birthsign and does it have any large significance to who they are?"

So, I don't actually have birthdays or names picked out for these OCs so I'll just share some of what I do have. Vibes mostly but damn are they hot.

For Skyrim we have an Altmer/Nord Dragonborn Character, a mixed race character. For this one I have more plot then character but because the thingy said Skyrim originally it doesn't feel right to not mention her. I literally have over three pages of bullet pointed plot points and thoughts for her. I know it doesn't seem like much but for me thats a lot. She was inspired by a play through I just started and Taliesin. In an ask game before this I think I mentioned him but if I didn't he is an in progress fully voiced modded follower that I have been obsessed with recently. You can find the creators blog here. And I kinda want to use this OC in a fan fiction for him but we won't talk about that cause I actually don't know yet. But I really want to its probably gonna be after his release if I do. But unlikely cause I'm so slow af. And I have said I'd have Little Dove part 1 posted in a couple of days and well, its been like two months so...

Brief Character Description: We'll just call her Brye for now.

She was born in a place far far away that I have yet to choose but was raised in Riverwood by her Nord Dad.

Brye's Appearance

Eyes-blue

Hair- long and white (will be cut later down the line cause trauma)

skin- currently torn between olive or tan, probably olive

height- no specific number has been set yet but she definitely isn't small

Armor- In the beginning she goes with what she can afford so, either hide armor or steel if she can get her hands on it. Later down the line she'll have more assassin looking light weight armor. She does cover her hair and ears in a scarf like thing I can't remember the name to but like sailors use them so like? It's there and it is black and she wears a helmet over it.

Some character traits/insecurities/flaws: I'm not gonna put them all here just a short list.

Self-hate issues

trust issues

abandonment issues

mommy issues

Loyal

strong moral compass 65% of the time

Has high expectations of herself (perfectionist)

Loves the thrill of danger/hunting

Loves treasure/loot

can be lead astray from morals for treasure (and kisses)

loves feeling like she's doing good even if she is doing nothing and failing miserably. An example could be trying to make someone feel better and hoping her that her presence is enough cause they have someone who can protect them. Does that make sense? Probably not.

is a sucker for praise and attention from those close to her.

constantly wants the approval of others, kinda a people pleaser but not really. Like she isn't a floor mat... rug? Whatever she has boundaries + backbone and doesn't like letting people get close. But will feel guilty for hours after saying "no" to someone.

I'll leave it there for the Skyrim OC cause I said a short list and that is not short. Moving on to whatever is happening on the other end of the screen!

Pirate Elf: that I still don't have a name for.

I'm just gonna share a few of the images I have for him and what I'm thinking about for his bird and story/coping skills. Also, side note, the images I am gonna share were sent to me by a the lovely lady Flora and if you are interested in OCs I'd totally recommend her! She has many different blogs for different things but @floraroselaughter is her main one and @the-glade-is-my-delight should be her OCs blog. She is great with mood boards and her writing is super great as well so totally check her out if you have the time!

I didn't share all the photos but these are just some of them. I am adding to him still and doing some research but I have a semi done playlist that I'd like to share. And please let me know if the links don't work I'll fix em.

Playlist for Elf Pirate Captain 

Jonathan Young- Eye of the Storm https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Si3IJ218Chk

Valhalla calling https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxptIpCYAJA

10HR Creaky Wooden Pirate Ship Rain Sounds for Sleep: BLACK SCREEN Pirate Ship Ambience for Sleep https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCs4JM7dXX4

Pirate Ship Ambience- Captain’s Cabin Tropical Island Port, Bird LIfe| 1 hour https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft-lJyu_nuY

Pirate Ship Sound Ambience//Wooden Sailboat Ocean Waves Sleep Sound 8 Hours https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aylZ5naovxY

Footsteps on Wood floor black screen 10 hours loop| sleep| study|relax| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVumDbrIOFg

Footsteps on Hardwood Floor Sound Effect https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rJbOrzd92Ec

Sound Effects- Walking on Wood Floor https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfrLCXUo1hg 

Loud Parrot Chirping |Natural Parrot Sounds| Parrot Calling Sounds|| https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9dUpGFc5Uc

Parrots incredibly talk to one other like Humans https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlu504XxrYA 

Best Sword Sounds (Slice/Slash/Crash/Swoosh/etc) A little bloody https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgRvVq8mStE

RPG|D&D Ambience -Sword Duel (Swords clashing, footsteps, heavy breathing) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBsHWwmXbcM

I had a mix of Sea Shanties that was really good but I couldn't find it so yeah.

For his bird he does have a green parrot not because I see a lot of other pirates with them but because my Grandma had a green parrot named Rocky who died a couple of years ago and I loved him to bits so, he has a bird named Rocky. I hope thats the right picture.

For the coping skill I mentioned I don't think he has one. Cause what I'm currently thinking is that he talks with his hands a lot, mostly to show off his rings, but that he puts all the stress of whatever is happening in a bottle and just keeps shoving it all in there. Until he is literally teetering on the edge of like super villain or defeat. Mostly supervillain. And by defeat I mean like breaking down and not recovering mentally.

An example of what could break that bottle would be like, if he fell in love with a human woman and he got married to her and had children and she died a normal death. He won't be fine for a while but probably won't go raging war on anyone. Verses, he fell in love with a human woman who he was going to marry but couldn't cause she was shot and killed and then he goes Super villain I'ma kill everyone mode. Or my personal favorite He gets married to the love of his life they have children together she still gets brutally murdered and he goes to start a war and I make another protagonist to take him out. And it be a simple family verses family story.

I have a ton more I'd like to say about him but this post is crazy long so thank you for asking! I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to walk into but hey, its late I'm tired and I have to turn in like three huge grade breaking essays. So, its all good!

Have a great night, stay blessed!

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

3, 5, 7, 9, 11, and 13 - Haru and Tarhos

Not-as-spicy sinday asks.

3. Where does your muse’s libido fall on the scale? 10 being hyper-sexual, 1 being the opposite.

Haru falls at around a 7-8 without much question or any crazy fluctuations when he's in a relationship or not. That being said when he's with Tarhos he's far more likely to just act on what he wants instead of dealing with it himself. They have a lot of random "why not" sex just because they can. They both think the other is hot as hell, best to indulge in it while they can. I feel like these two are a lot more likely to actually plan a romantic night with the intention of getting frisky, they're both pretty romantic and sensual, so it checks out.

5. Is your muse a top, bottom, or a switch? Why?

Big ol' switch, he doesn't care as long as he gets some at the end of the night. He actively enjoys both roles and will happily do whatever Tarhos wants at the time. Although this can also change based on how Tarhos is acting in general, if his pretty boy is flustered Haru will want to take full advantage of that and top him until he can't walk. However if he's holding his waist and has already started moving Haru into his lap, he's not going to fight getting moved around whichever way.

7. What kind of underwear do they wear on the day-to-day?

Black boxer briefs if he's going out. If he's staying at home for the day I really don't think he bothers and just wears gray sweatpants™ with nothing underneath.

9. Do they get embarrassed easily when it comes to nsfw things? Or are they shameless?

I can guarantee that 99% of the time Haru does not give a single care in the world if Tarhos wants to talk about it or initiates it out of no where, he'll be flattered and want to ride out the experience. That being said, he doesn't bring up his sex life or the specifics of what he and Tarhos do, he thinks its a little tacky to brag about the experience besides simple "yeah I got head last night" or something else along those lines. Haru is more likely to get annoyed about the inquiry because thats his baby doll don't think about him like that--that's for his eyes only. (Robin is similar in that regard but also gets embarrassed, Haru just gets pissy) That being said, I'm sure they when were at the cabin with Durkos, Alejandro, and Sander, and Haru couldn't walk after the first night--he probably blushed quite a bit that day.

11. Are they a virgin? When did they lose their virginity? If they haven’t, do you think they ever will? Are they waiting for someone special, or do they just not care?

Haru is not a virgin, he dated as a teenager and ended up losing it to a close friend. Despite his high libido and general "dont care" attitude, he stopped having one night stands after college as he finds them way too much work and effort. He'll happily play the "pure virgin" character though if Tarhos wants to try that kink out.

13. Are they loud in bed or quiet? Talkative or more of a noise maker?

Oh he's loud - and he doesn't particularly care if it bothers anyone else, if he's feeling good he wants to let Tarhos know, and he will. Haru is talkative in bed, but its different from Robin's conversations - and usually falls way more in line with general dirty talk and teasing Tarhos until he makes him stop. His sounds change depending on what role he's taking, but he will curse outwardly for both.

[bigwishes]

I would wish to find a bag of rugby kit. I’m approaching my 30s, perhaps I should take playing back up again, or see how it fits.

Oh mate, easy done, you could have always just gone down to your local club and pinched a uniform and started played, but you wanted the magic way so we can do it the magic way.

You find yourself in the changing room of a rugby club, it smells of man musk so bad it makes your eyes water. Don't try asking me for a kit you wanted to find one so start lookin.

Ah, I see you've found a kit, probably left by a club goer, maybe you could join the club too, we'll see how you like it.

Sure the kit smells awful but thats what you get for using someone else's stuff, I hope none of the blokes on the field don't recognise who it belongs to because that might spell trouble. You wouldn't want to get bashed by big ass rugby lads, but its fine, the only identifying mark you can find is a name written on the tag "Goliath". Well no one can see the name on the tag it'll be fine.

You can hear the blokes on the field yelling as you walk out, it sure looks competitive for a casual game and the blokes seem to be tackling the shit out of each other harder than you expected, but no turning back now they're all eyeing you to get your ass over on the field so they can keep playing. You head over nervous, but a lil excited. You join the line up and everything is quite for a moment and you hear whistle blow.

"okay, casual game, no pre-"

before you could finish your thought you were slammed in a pile of rugby blokes.

You feel something start to grow,

"fuck" you think to yourself "please don't let that be a boner"

But it wasn't, well you definitely had one, but that's not what was growing. In between the guys your body starts to grow, you thighs fill out into strong muscular legs like that of a pro player, you chest inflates with muscle and a layer of fat and hair begins to cover your whole body. The chaos ended and you see the club coach come over and start yelling at some of the players but you finally notice what happened to you.

"W-what the fuck happend to me"

You had to get off the field your uniform was tight around your new massive body, and you feel the weight of your new package straining against the fabric, it was a hot experience and you notice your boner start to come back, but, the game was so fun, maybe just 15 more minutes.

You keep playing for a few hours before being told to get off the field, most guys had gone home and the club coach tells you to pack it in as actual players will be arriving soon.

Walking off to the change rooms you cannot believe what happened, you got a second wind in life, and a club that's fun to play at. You can't wait to come back tomorrow after work.

Staring at the mirror you smile at the new you, but something is wrong, a ringing in your ears. Your head is fucking killing you like 16 years worth of concussions all hit at once. Stumbling forward your head smashes into the mirror cracking it. Correcting your stance you stare in the broken mirror and feel the same sensation of growth again. Watching yourself you notice as your new body continues to fill out with mass and start to get taller. The kit stretches over your body making the jersey look like a crop top. Drool begins to form in the corner of your mouth and drip down to your chin. The club uniform begins to smell clean as it seeps into your skin. Your pours erupt with sweat and stench 20x worse than what the uniform ever was and the headache starts to subside.

Two men walk into the changing room, one being the club coach and another a tall clean cut guy in a suit.

"and this bloke right 'er is a big fella we call Goliath"

you look at them trying to come up with words but all that comes out is "I-I-I-m-m- me- me big" lifting your meaty hand your sloppily whip the drool off your chin and smear it on your cheek.

"yeah, big guy ain't go no brains up there, but he's built like a brick shit 'ouse"

"Alright Tim, we'll buy him, I'll give you $50k for this one"

"FUCK YEAH JOHN, 'ell be a great player for ya"

"how do you keep fining these players"

"ya know me john, I got the magic touch"

They keep talking but you cant figure out the business talk, you just stupidly blink and keep drooling. The next thing you know you are on a bus with a bunch of other players arriving at a stadium with a roaring crowd.

Sorry mate, unlucky, the coach of the club wished he could sell players to the pro teams, so I gave him a bunch of cursed uniforms. Most of them didn't do too much from a size up and enslaving them to the pro team that bought them, they could still be themselves, just forced to be pro players. You on the other hand stumbled on the Goliath kit and well now look at you.

7ft tall brick wall rugby machine!

well, you did say you want to play more so get out there and have fun boys!

[sarcastic-sketches]

Intervention AU

Roll out the carpet, it's another one lads and buckle up because this ones long. I've had several mini AUs that I've kind of just compiled all into one but I just really want to explore a narrative where Anakin gets a chance to sort his shit out and work towards fixing his issues. Because man do I love untangling characters inner conflict and having them get help so that they can overcome their own hurdles. An Intervention AU, if you will, before he truly flips his lid.

First, the concept that Anakin Skywalker is not entirely human - he's half Force - is fascinating. Because yeah, with the confirmation that he is the Chosen One, plus the Mortis Arc, it seems obvious that the Force made him. It borrowed a likeness from Shmi and then filled in the gaps (so he's technically a clone of his mother with some Force poked mutations here and there - I’ve read fics along those lines and they are top tier imho). But the Force is well, a cosmic power and can't really integrate into a human body all too well. The human half just wants to belong and be loved and to love. The Force half does not know how to express such messy human emotions in a way that doesn't resemble a flood.

But a flood can be managed when it's diverted into many rivers and streams, rather than being solely focused through only a few. To be clear, this is not a ‘attachments are fine actually’ take, this is a ‘get more friends so you loosen your grip on the ones you currently have’ angle. He learns to let go of the few people he loves because he has so many other people in his life to turn to. He will never be truly alone or abandoned, which is his fear ultimately, and they in turn help him realise that the only person who can convince him that he is enough is himself. Basically, dear god get it through Anakin's thick skull that the Jedi are communally raised so they spread their affections over multiple people and yes that is allowed. He’s just more used to a nuclear family model because thats all he had growing up. Him and his mother.

Love doesn't just have to be romantic and having a wider support network would also mean that Palpatine can no longer keep Anakin isolated. His grip on the Chosen One lessens as he finds other people to trust and confide in. It would also mean more eyes and ears to notice when he suddenly has a 180 in attitude after speaking with the Chancellor.

Also him being half-force I want to play with the idea that 'let your feelings pass through you’ doesn’t really work when he feels so much. All amplified by his Force connection. He can’t just let them go, so he has to work on the source of those feeling of inadequecy and ‘never having enough’ to make sure they don’t spawn in the first place.

This all started after watching TCW Clovis Arc 2.0 where Anakin’s possessiveness goes up from like a 5 to a 10 in one episode and I couldn’t help but think that it was a bit extreme from what we knew of his character up to that point in TCW and from the films. Or it's highlighting how badly Anakin is starting to lose that battle with himself. But Padme saying “I don’t know who's in there any more” had me going ‘right, time to use this as a wake up call’.

The Clovis Incident happens earlier in this AU (just after The Wrong Jedi - let me save Fives hot damn). Padme, actually seeing Anakin's rage first hand, notices how abrupt and strong the change is and makes some observations. Since the last time he entered Beserk Mode TM was also in response to someone he loved being harmed, she reasons that's the linking factor. I imagine her logic basically going; ok, so he goes afk due to anger/stress, he got angry because Clovis was too close to me, he’s stressed that he’ll lose me as I’m all he has now… He needs more people in his life! A+ logic there Padme. Because at this point? She kind of is all he has, besides Palpatine (which is the problem in of itself) - Ahsoka left, his trust in Obi-Wan is damaged (Hardeen arc), and Rex is his Captain so theres a power issue there.

Thats a lot of emotional energy for one relationship. She can also lay down the facts that the issue wasn't necessarily punching Clovis in the face (lmao he deserved that) but that Anakin didn't listen to her. THATS my main beef here honestly, Padme was far too passive by the end of that arc and I ain't about that. So she absolutely spells that out for him because she knows damn well his idea of expressing he cares is fucked from growing up in slavery and then being handed over to a bunch of monks (-Deep inhale- boi) but he needs to understand that isn’t how it’s done.

So she pushes him to actually speak with other people and maybe connect more with his fellow Jedi. Since he sees them more often anyway. They all seem very nice to her when she has spoken with them, she’s sure it’s just a misunderstanding between them all for how he feels.

This allows Anakin to really dig into what the Order considers attachment (it’s not having relationships that’s the problem, it’s possessive love - based on the concept that such ‘attachments’ prevent people from passing on into the afterlife). This misunderstanding has 100% come from his background because slaves were not allowed to have anything, except the bonds they made between themselves. Anakin views his relationships as things he owns, things he must protect and cherish before they are taken from him, because that’s all he was ever ‘allowed’ to have. He eventually gets to realise that the Order dissuades Jedi from having spouses/romantic partners because potentially having them in a position where they must carry out their duty over the safety of their spouse/partner is just cruel. They understand that facing such a dilemma would break a person and it is simply kinder to just avoid the possibility altogether. ‘It’s a peaceful life’.

Cue Anakin arguing that he would feel just the same having to let a platonic relationship go too which sparks off another 2 hour debate...

Anakin gradually reaching out to other Jedi more and more, starting off with who he thinks would be the easier ones, like Plo Koon, Kit Fisto, Aayla, even Yoda oddly enough (Troll asks him to break him out of the med bay later in TCW and Anakin was instantly on board with such a thing. That’s hysterical). I think he’d eventually try with Luminara too, given the whole debacle of the Wrong Jedi involved their padawans, but that takes a bit of time. And, wouldn’t ya know, he realises that they don’t resent him, they’re not even remotely afraid of him or trying to suppress his abilities, and they’re perfectly happy to talk to him even when off the battlefield etc (Palpatines words are already starting to hold less water now that Anakins starting to get his own proof - I could go on about my ADHD headcanons but that’s a given I feel at this point). He starts to trust them. Not just trust that’s given to Jedi as default, to an ideal, but personal trust.

They start to swap battle tactics, ask each other for advice on certain scenarios or get second opinions. Then they start swapping stories about their troops and these idiots have been waiting for the opportunity to gush about how their Legions are the best. The ship nose art is a particular point of pride (That Plo wins btw). Pride is unbecoming of a Jedi but they’re proud OF their troops so it doesn’t count.

Given how much more often they all now talk to each other, they are able to slowly open Anakin's eyes to the fact that Palpatine is suspect af. 

Aayla: he asked to meet you, alone, when you were how old? Anakin: about eleven, or twelve maybe? After I had settled into the Temple for a couple of years. Plo: and he took you where? Anakin: to the lower levels, he showed me a bar- Kit: [holding a hand up] I'm going to stop you there Aayla: [patting Anakin's shoulder] My guy, that's not normal. Plo: Nor is it appropriate Anakin: oh... I'm sure he didn't mean anything bad by it? He just wanted to show the good he can do when his hands are tied by the Senate Plo: The Senate he governs... Aayla: You were twelve.

They tell him to tell Obi-Wan.

It's a bit more of an up hill battle because Anakin's trust in Obi-Wan is still a little frazzled (never let it be said he's not a hypocrite about keeping certain truths) but he grudingly relays some of the conversations he's had with the Chancellor to him because of the comments the others have made. To his surprise, Obi-Wan looks distraught when he realises what Palpatine has been insinuating and he vows to never let him be alone with that man ever again. Obi-Wan always strived to allow Anakin to make his own choices once he became a knight, but this stems from decisions when he was a minor. Anakin thinks everyone is being very dramatic about this - pot meet kettle - and doesn't know what the harm is. This just makes people worry more - they are suddenly all keenly aware of what the Chancellor has been trying to do, even if Anakin hasn’t clocked it himself yet. But he is secretly (or not so secretly when you broadcast your emotions in the Force like a fog horn) pleased by Obi-Wans reaction. See? He does care. He’s just a little reserved about showing it because surprise, he’s also a little insecure Anakin, go fucking figure.  

He does also allow himself to bond more with his troops and they all have a meeting where he lays down some ground rules:. 

All of this just so he can relax with his men and actually be their friend when they're not suffering on the frontlines together. The clones are surprised but ecstatic about this development and waste no time at all bragging about how they have the best Jedi in the GAR. Wolffe, Monnk, and Bly have some things to say about this. Cody wisely keeps his mouth shut.

1) Off of the battlefield they are all equal, no ranks apply (besides medics, thank you Kix) and if anyone is uncomfy with that they can leave (nobody does) 2) He leads them all with the best of intentions but following Umbara he doesn't want any of them to feel like they can't call him out for being a twat (Rex does it just fine and he's still his SIC) 3) If anyone has any concerns or questions he wants them to feel safe enough to speak up about it, either tell him or Rex if it’s a vode issue specifically.

Given this turn of events when comes the time for Fives to seek out Rex and his General they hear him out and Anakin stops the blaster bolt Fox fires from hitting Fives. He’s stunned that one of his men would try to attack the Chancellor but he knows there has to be a reason, he wants to know why damnit. Also heeey has Fives been drugged?

They all get the low down on the chips and Anakin is now fuming. Bit too close to slave-chips. He's pleasantly surprised to find that Shaak Ti is also upset by what she has learned and with his prompting (and Fives looking utterly traumatised) shoves back at the Kaminoans hard. 

They find the list of Orders. It's not pretty. 

Anakin has his breakdown way earlier than Sheev intended and far out of his reach. Instead he is comforted by Shaak Ti (who quite frankly was probably counting the days until Skywalker crumpled) and a bunch of Clones who are similarly suffering from this discovery. Watching a Jedi break probably has most of them reshuffling a few pre-conceptions they had.

Anakin doesn't get sent to spy on the Chancellor and when he tries to buy Anakin's favour back by giving him a seat on the Council, Anakin refuses it and immediately dobs him in with the Jedi Masters. This time, they cotton on to Palpatine's intentions with Anakin and have him accompany Ahsoka on Mandalore. Far, far away. He doesn’t fight the decision, in fact he is rather relieved to be out of the man's reach. Plus, he now gets to fight alongside Ahsoka again so win-win.

Speaking of Ahsoka, even though she left the Order, Padme argues that this doesn't mean that she and Anakin can't still talk to each other. So he calls her and reminds her that he's there for her. Doesn't try to make her come back - though he makes it clear he would be very happy to take her back if she did choose to - and even though she said she wanted to go at it alone, she shouldn't forget that she does still have people she can turn to if things get lonely or hard. He had to be reminded of this so now he’s reminding her.

Just let this man truly understand the risks of what loving people as a Jedi means, learn how to do so in a way thats healthy for everyone involved, and allow himself to be extremely over the top about it much to everyone's surprise.

Ahsoka: I'll think about it Anakin: Sure thing. Anything. Anytime. Ahsoka: ... it is nice to hear from you though Anakin: !!

Ft. Padme being incredibly pleased with herself in the background.

[nikrangdan]

enhypen x short!reader

pairing: enhypen x short!reader

genre: fluff, comedy

description: how enhypen would react to a short reader!!! this was requested btw i hope u guys like 😁 ive written separate headcanons for sunghoon and jay before but i wrote more here anyways 😏 THERES A COUPLE CUSS WORDS IN HERE

———————

HEESEUNG:

okay lets get this straight

hes literally the tallest member in enha

and then ur the shortest in ur friend group

POWER COUPLE ⁉️⁉️⁉️

im literally crying bc when u guys are standing facing each other heeseung is just looking straight over ur head LIKE UR NOT EVEN IN HIS LINE OF SIGHT

and THIS is why he always has his arm around ur shoulder or he makes sure ur holding onto his arm or smthn

HE WANTS U TO BE WITH HIM AT ALL TIMES BC SOMETIMES HE CANT SEE U☹️☹️☹️

and when hes practicing he likes to bring u up to dance with him

like he holds ur hands and u just try to 💃🏻🕺🏻💃🏻 with justin bieber playing in the background

“i cant dance heeseung u know this” u stare up at him

“i know just vibe to the music~”

he finds it hilarious so hes giggling the whole time u two do a little jiggy

AND THEN HE GETS ALL SOFT AND TURNS U AROUND TO BACKHUG U AND FACE THE MIRRORS and he watches u guys sway back and forth slowly to the music

he loves the height difference and hes always looking at it in mirrors

JAY:

*takes a deep breath* ... JAYYYYYY‼️‼️

he probably mentioned how short u are a couple times when you first met but i dont think he would be the type to constantly point out ur height and tease u or smthn

BUT!!!!! he loves it

alot of clothes you like are often too big for you and hes like

I Am Here To Rescue You From Distress, My Love

Ur so thankful for him!!!

he loves finding clothes for you

shirts arent a big problem its mostly the pants

AND HE LIKES BUYING U PLATFORM SHOES

he says “u look so good”

Jay ur superman 🔥

idk he just thinks ur so cute

he likes to stare at u like 🥰🥰☺️☺️

❤️_❤️

Jay has such big heart eyes for u AAAAAA

when u two are in the kitchen u arent able to reach the high cupboards

SO HE BOUGHT U A HELLO KITTY STOOL

one time he stood on it and was like “y/n look”

you literally almost broke your neck trying to see him because HE WAS SO HIGH IN THE AIR

so high u were like “u got enough oxygen up there⁉️⁉️”

and then he said “u look like an ant” and he started dying at his own joke

But he never pulled that stool stunt again bc u attacked him viciously🤗🤗🤗

JAKE:

Wait im crying already

everytime i write about jake i have to take a break

hes literally too much for my heart

Okay

HE GIGGLE.....

he GIGGLE!!!!!!!

HE GIGGLES AT EVERYTHING U DO

Hes so obsessed with u its not even funny

he probably loves u more than u love him AND HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE BC HES JAKE SIM

His favorite thing ever is when sit in between his legs and ur back against his chest yknow

when u guys watch movies he feeds u popcorn like that

IM GONNA SAY THIS FOR ALOT OF THEM BUT

Head Pats!!!!!

He pats ur head alot or ruffles ur hair alot

and hes just so gentle with u

Ur like his little baby >_<

HIS BIG JACKETS WAIT

Jakes big fluffy bulky jackets

he wants u to wear them

and he

he zips them up all the way and puts the hoodie over ur head

and he just dies of laughter

Ur standing there like 🧍🏻‍♂️

“its getting hot in here jake”

you tried to flick the hood off but the chunky sleeve mixed with ur short arm was not a good combination so you couldnt even raise your arm

That made jake lose it and he just fell to the floor in tears😭

but seeing him so happy made u 🥰☺️ kinda so its okay

SUNGHOON:

Hello hand holder

i say this whenever write for hoon

but this guy🤝🤝🤝

Get those hands ready yall

mmm okay

he probably calls u shorty whenever he teases u

Rude ass 🙄

ur like “😐” and hes like

“im sorry” *attacks u in a very messy and unmannered hug to the point where u fall back onto the couch and almost break ur leg*

i bet he holds stuff up in the air so u have to jump up and attempt to get it😭 so evil

but he doesnt like seeing u suffer for too long so he gives it to u after like 5 seconds 😁

he teases u alot but when ur out in public hes like Bodyguard Hoon

Hes not letting anything happen to u!!!!

once again HES HOLDING UR HAND AT ALL TIMES

one thing he says he doesnt like but we all know hes lying is when u like to jump on his back and force him to give u a piggyback ride

he just accepts it

one time u fell asleep on his back and he was like

“uh y/n”

silence

yeah he eventually plopped u on the couch which woke u up

SUNOO:

Sunoo thinks ur so adorable 💧_💧

like u two could just be sitting next to eachother watching something

and u have ur legs pulled up to ur chest and ur arms wrapped around them with ur chin on ur knees

you hear him giggling to himself

u look over like ......🤨 “what”

“nothing y/n *giggles again* ur just so cute”

ur like Staaaaawwp and u push his shoulder

and then he pushes u back

AND THEN U START FIGHTING

Play fighting ****

u guys laugh so much 😭😭

sunoo likes to talk about you alot

to everyone

literally everyone

to the boys: “omg y/n fell trying to reach the garlic LMAO”

to his mom: “y/n went up to this guy thinking it was me and pushed him it was so funny”

to his instagram: “how did y/n fit through my neighbors doggy door and why”

PLEASE when u two have arguments for fun

u go jump on the couch so u can be taller than him

and u just stare at eachother before bursting out into laughter

he loves to show u off aaaa “heres y/n” ☺️☺️☺️☺️

JUNGWON:

EXPECT TEASING AT LEAST ONCE A DAY

Please i think id cry if i was friends with jungwon (AND NI-KI)

he play too much 😫 he actually has no chill

“can u reach this y/n? or should i carry you *evil laugh*”

but besides from the teasing he adores u so much

and theres some things you arent able to do

But hes so happy to do it for you!!! he loves feeling like hes doing smthn for u

He always has this proud dad look on his face whenever u literally do ANYTHING

u could literally pick a twig off the ground and jungwon would go 😊 thats my y/n

he likes to massage ur legs when ur just chilling on ur bed or smthn

hes got one hand massaging ur legs and his other hand massaging his own legs

“i’ll make us grow taller y/n!”

“what??? you don’t need to be taller jungwon, i do!!” u snatch the hand hes using to massage his own leg and plant it right back on ur own legs

he starts laughing really hard and u think ur the president of comedy now 🔥🔥

he likes feeling tall when hes with u

but he also likes being babied 🙁🙁

Plz give him head kisses and cheek pinches

NI-KI:

This kid is literally a titan

and hes crazy

picks u up BRIDAL STYLE and starts running around the room like an animal

like WHAT ???????

he says its because you’re the only THING around and he needs the exercise

and this kid is a teaser too😫😫

“y/n can you hand me the cereal up there? oh wait you cant”

you turn around like What the hell did u just say...

yeah he got a smacking that day

NO BUT SOMETIMES HE BE TAKING THE JOKES TOO FAR AND RIGHT AFTER HE SAYS IT HES LIKE

“im just kidding i didnt mean it”

Anyways

ni-ki is also very sweet

he offers piggyback rides and makes u little gifts

one time u got a cramp from being on ur tippy toes too long

he was laughing at first but then he saw ur eyes welling up with tears and he ran to u really fast 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

ALSO WHEN U HOLD HANDS you both always stare bc THE SIZE DIFFERENCE PLLLZZZSSMMMNXX

heres an analogy

ni-ki hands : whale :: y/n hands : seahorse

LITERALLY U CANT EVEN SEE UR HANDS ANYMORE

they just vanish into thin air and u guys think its peak comedy

“whered ur hand go y/n 💀”

[angelguk]

→ on my mind 02 — a jeongguk scenario

member: jeon jungkook

word count: 25.6k

genre: domestic!au + established relationship + fluff + smut + mild angst

warnings: slow build / oral sex (f & m receiving) / multiple smut scenes / over-stimulation / breeding kink / creampies / mentions of infertility / pregnancy is a central part of the story line / pregnancy sex / jeongguk just wants to be a good dad / i am so sorry if the editing is not up to par i tried my best / mild possessiveness / mentions of misogyny and an asshole manager

soundtracks: (they long to be) close to you, carpenters + to you, yoona & lee sang soon + someone’s shining, wisue + who knew, chloe x halle, + but i’m trying to tell you how much i love you, saevom + pretend, lee aram + when the wind blows, yoona + meet me in amsterdam, rini + she, jannabi

special thanks to: @gukkheaven for seeing the baby version of this fic <3 / @a-life-thats-next-to-normal for sharing some much needed baby info with me!

header credit @dee-ehn <3

read the first part here

The first time you buy a test, you don’t tell him.

It’s a Thursday afternoon and you arrive home first. Jeongguk had texted you that he would be late today because Namjoon needed him to work overtime on a file that was due. You had taken the rare opportunity to scurry to your local chemist and purchase a handful of pregnancy tests. You’d dumped the pink boxes on the counter, trying in vain to avoid the blatant stare of the cashier as she packaged them into a small black bag. The trek back home nerve-racking. Your heart pounding painfully against your chest, the scruff of your sneakers against the pavement the only accompaniment to the tension you felt weighing over your body. It was only when you had passed a playground, eyes skimming over the hordes of children joyously dandling from monkey bars and slipping down sliders with wide grins on their faces, did your heart momentarily calm down. Lulled by the sound of their laughter until your pulse was relaxed once more.

You could do this — it’s just a test.

The apartment is eerily silent when you click the door closed behind you. You heel your shoes off, sliding your feet into the downy slippers Jeongguk had picked up for you a while back. You dump the bag on the dining table, hands shaking as you dig for your phone in your bag. Your fingers tap on the familiar pink app on your screen and you read the text that you’ve been subtly denying for the past week. Your period is late. Sometimes you miss a day or two but a whole nine days had passed and mother nature hadn’t sent you the usual reminder that indicated that you were not with child.

For some reason, the words sent a thrill through your body. It wasn’t like you were taking precautions to avoid pregnancy - quite the opposite. Ever since Jeongguk had admitted his secret wish to you, you’d both taken every opportunity to make sure you’d get knocked up. Most of the apartment had been rechristened during those activities, particularly the couch. The moment you’d told him you wouldn’t mind carrying his child a spark of desire had reignited in Jeongguk that you hadn’t seen since you started dating five years ago.

But for some reason, nothing was working the way you’d expected it to be. With Jeongguk’s new robust sex drive, you expected to be pregnant within a month tops. Yet, your period appeared each month without fail and it hurt to see the doubt creep onto his face every time he brought you a hot water bottle to lessen the cramps wreaking havoc in your stomach. For a while, you thought you were infertile. You considered taking up the issue with your doctor but it was hard to acknowledge that you may be. That either of you may be. Not when both of you wanted this so bad.

The fact that your period had been missing for a significant amount of time in your perspective was both thrilling and alarming at the same time.

When you finally pick up one of the pregnancy tests, you take your time, reading over the instructions. Three times exactly. One-line means not pregnant, two lines indicate that you are. Not hard, right?

In the bathroom, you struggle to pee. Your hand is trembling as you hold the collection cup and your flow is unsteady despite the two bottles of water you’d chugged on the train ride home once Jeongguk told you he’d be late. Things work out, regardless of your nerves.

Once everything is done, your hands are clean and the two pregnancy tests you’d unwrapped are sitting flat on the counter of your bathroom, you fiddle with the timer app on your phone, setting it to five minutes.

Those are the longest five minutes of your life.

You leave the bathroom, unable to look before the set time, your bottom lip caught between your teeth. You can’t sit, so you pace around, slippers slapping the hardwood floorboards as you try to attempt to calm yourself down but fail miserably at it because the clock hanging in the living room is ticking too loud; it echoes in your head matching the beats of the seconds you’re mentally counting down. Outside of your apartment, someone’s shouting a passing greeting across the street, there’s the tickle of a bike bell and a gruff woof echoing from the throat of a dog. The sounds of life outside the panic bubble you’re currently in draws you to the window. You pad over, lean down to rest your elbows against the sill as your eyes take in the sight of the evening sun dipping behind the silhouettes of buildings. The sky bleeds orange and red, bright fuchsia pink and cornflower blue trailing behind their wake like silage. The view is partially obscured by murky grey clouds but beyond them, you can still spot the lavender tone the two colours create when they flux into each other.

The sight slows down your heartbeat, a sense of tranquillity washing over your body as if you’d been dipped into the ocean. It reminds you of the sea view both of you had left behind when you’d moved to Seoul four years ago. You can’t help but slip into a reverie, nose full of the ghost-like remnants of salty air, the sand you’d played in as a child a phantom caressing the soles of your feet. The sunsets in Busan were better but Seoul is where Jeongguk and you had crafted life together, even if you sometimes wished you had never left your hometown at all.

The alarm going off in the bathroom yanks you right back into your quaint little apartment. You take a deep breath and then rise. Your knees wobble as you walk to the bathroom, a sheen of sweat building in the palms of your hands. The sudden urge to just get this over with steadies your steps until you’re standing before the counter again, staring at your reflection in the mirror. There are dark bags underneath your eyes and your face carries the worries of the day. You look worn and you feel it too. Coupled with the extra pressure of trying and failing to get pregnant, there’s so much on your back right now it feels as if it’s bent over. You sigh, eyes still refusing to falter and look downwards at the results on your counter.

It takes you a moment to gather the courage to pluck up the first test.

Your breath is trapped in your throat and your eyes suddenly feel hot and wet. Your vision blurs up and your hands are shaking but even despite the tears falling down your cheeks, you can see the results.

It’s one line. Negative.

The other one reads the same and all you can do is try to remember how to breathe as you roughly wipe away your tears. Your hands are trembling as you wrap up and dispose of the two tests, shoving them into the trash before you pile more tissue on top of it, wishing you could hide from the shame you feel too. The black bag with the other tests gets tucked behind your pads in the cupboard. Jeongguk won’t question that, so it's the safest place to store it.

You head to the shower next, allowing the rushing water to sweep away the dried tear stains on your face, hoping it erases the crushing feeling of disappointment sitting on your chest too. But it doesn’t and even as you move around the kitchen to make dinner, your actions seem slow, languid in a bad way, held down by the fact that no matter what you can’t seem to get pregnant.

Jeongguk knows right away something is off.

He came home late as he said he would, pressed a kiss to your cheek and muttered a small greeting before heading to the shower. When he emerged once more in grey sweats and a worn white t-shirt, he’d plopped himself down at the dining table, gave you a quiet once over and then opened his mouth to gently say, “Your eyes are red.”

“Bad day at work,” you lie, placing a bowl of rice before him.

“Seungmin?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

You fall into a silence that should be comfortable but it isn’t. Every time you glance up Jeongguk is staring at you with a worried expression that makes your heart heavy. Even between bites of food, you can see his brain working, mulling over a way to make you feel better. Which sucks because Jeongguk shouldn’t be worrying about insignificant issues like this. He had a lot on his plate anyway. His extra hours at the office were taking a gradual toll on him. His eyes seemed hollower and he’d had to skip a couple of gym sessions so he didn’t even have his usual outlet for stress. There was a vein surfacing on his forehead and it pulsed every time he was thinking too hard about something. Like it was now. It hurt even more when you knew Jeongguk was putting all this stress on himself because he wanted to find a bigger place for his future family. The spare room you owned had long since been converted into his game room and he wasn’t about to give up that little luxury just yet. He was only taking on more responsibilities at the office because he believed that his future children deserve a place to run, play games, to just be a child. The image of the two negative tests linger before your vision and your heart breaks a little more because it feels like Jeongguk is working hard for something that’ll never become a reality.

He cleans up while you take your place on the couch. Even with the drone of the drama on the television and the clinking of dishes as Jeongguk washes up fills your apartment, you still can’t settle in and shake off the cloud that’s hanging above your head. When he does join you, Jeongguk lugs over the soft black blanket you’d whisked from Yoongi’s apartment, carrying his favourite bar of chocolate in his hands.

He shoves it in your direction, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. “Here, take this.”

“Why? It’s yours.” But you clasp your fingers around the plastic wrapping, the warmth of his lips against your skin ebbing through you.

He shrugs, shifting against you so that your legs are thrown over his and the blanket covers both of your bodies. Beneath it, his large warm hand searches for yours, latching around your fingers and giving them a gentle squeeze. “Take it. You said you had a bad day and chocolate always makes you feel better, doesn’t it?”

The corners of your mouth are lifting upwards as you tear the package open. It's mint flavoured. Jeongguk always had an affinity towards sweet mint flavoured things, and the chocolate melts on your tongue with ease. Slowly, the tension within you abates, your mind vaguely focusing on the screen before you, Jeongguk’s warm firm body burning beside you. You melt into him, breaking off pieces of chocolate and nudging them against his mouth until he parts his lips and allows you to drop them inside. His tongue trails against your fingertips despite the ‘gross’ you mutter into the evening air. All he does is laugh and pull you closer, brushing another swift kiss on your cheek. You settle against him, resting your head against the curve of his shoulder before the drama takes your attention. One of the characters had made a joke and the rise of Jeongguk’s chest beneath your head as he laughs calms you down so much that you can’t help but laugh too.

The evening winds down in this manner. Jeongguk unknowingly melting away the tension that had built up within you with each soft smile and laugh that he gives you as he talks about his day over the voices of the actors on screen. You listen intently, hoping you can take away some of his stress too until you’re struggling to keep your eyes open. He gently shakes you awake, taking your hand to guide you into bed where you promptly collapse between the sheets. You can hear his footsteps as he moves around, checking the doors and switching the lights off, but your mind feels foggy and your eyes are heavy.

When he settles in beside you, shirtless and having tucked away from the semi you don’t know he’s sporting, your breaths are slow and slumber is slipping over you. His arm finds its way over your waist and his chest is plastered against your back. You’re about to fall asleep, the dark deep wonders of rest right on the edge of your vision but you’re wiggling around, slotting the curve of your ass against Jeongguk’s crotch and that’s when you instantly wake up.

His erection is nudging against your ass and you can tell he’s still awake from the rise and fall of his chest behind you. He thinks you’re still sleeping because he doesn’t say anything, just trails a finger against the curve of your hips. The touch warms you even through the fabric of your pyjamas. But you’re suddenly on edge again, the negative tests flashing before your eyes. You were going to book an appointment with the doctor soon but would it hurt to try one more time before you did so? It really wouldn’t.

You wiggle against him harder, the growing curve of his cock against you eliciting a rush of slick from your cunt. When you grind into him, Jeongguk groans, a low rumble that slips from his throat. The grip on your hip draws taut. He knows you’re awake.

“If you keep doing that, we’re going to have a problem.”

You grin, hips still pushing backwards. “What if I’m willing to solve it?”

“I wouldn’t let you.”

You halt, ass still pressed against his crotch, the smile falling from your face and your arousal rapidly dissipating. Jeongguk’s pulling away before you can say anything, rising on his elbows so that he can look at you.

“I know Seungmin isn’t the reason why you were sad today. I saw the test boxes in the bathroom.”

It’s so quiet that you can hear the rush of blood filling your head. The tears you’d thought you’d run out of, reappear instantly, dripping down your cheeks. He wipes them away with a forlorn smile before shifting to wrap you in his warm arms. Your chest shudders with every breath you take but Jeongguk holds you together, whispering words of comfort against your ear.

“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay.” He holds you a little tighter when you start to hiccup against the crook of his neck, rubbing a large hand against your back.

When you finally calm down, you pull away, cheeks wet, to find that Jeongguk’s own eyes are tinged red too.

“Were they negative?” You nod, still, a little bit choked up. But then he smiles and moves to press a tepid kiss between your eyebrows. “Stop stressing. It’ll happen when it happens.”

“Getting pregnant shouldn’t be this hard. All I have to do is open my legs.”

“Hey,” He pats your damp cheek in chastisement. “Stop talking like that. You don’t have control over your body. Don’t blame yourself for things you can’t help. For all we know, this could be my fault.”

“It’s nobody’s fault.” You mutter. “I just - we’ve been trying for three months now and I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“We could go get checked. Both of us.” He’s pulling you closer again. “Don’t blame yourself, baby. Please.”

“I’m trying not to,” you whisper back, falling back into the comfort of his body. Jeongguk is like a pillar of strength for you, particularly when you feel like you have none left within you. And right now you don’t. But he holds you up, his hands caressing your skin softly, pushing off the worries that plague. You fall asleep like this, eyes crusty from crying and Jeongguk’s loving gaze watching over your features.

The next day, you book an appointment and try to ignore the nervous thoughts gnawing at your conscience.

Your period comes three days later and all that does is build on to the new feeling of resentment that you were developing against your uterus.

Jeongguk buys you your favourite chocolate, keeps your supply of hot water bottles going, cook’s dinner and tells you to stop worrying.

→

The late August afternoon sun warms your back as your drag Taehyung through the lake. You’ve got your arms wrapped around his neck in a playful choke-hold and despite his wild thrushes you manage to dunk him into the tepid lake water — retribution for what he did to you earlier. He’d shoved you right into the lake from atop some boulders, leaving you shocked and with water filling your nose for most of the afternoon. Somewhere in the background, you can hear Seokjin screaming at his twins because they’re copying your actions on each other and Jimin is hiding Bora from the two homicides about to take place in broad daylight.

You let go of Taehyung when he elbows you roughly and watch him rise to the surface, face tinged rose, but a good-natured boxy grin plastered on his features.

“If Jeongguk wouldn’t be able to beat my ass, I would end you Y/N,” he says.

You roll your eyes, playfully punching his arm. “Sure you would.”

Taehyung’s grin broadens. “I’m tempted to prove you wrong but you should get the boys before they murder each other.” He says before shaking his head. The droplets that fly from his mane obscure your vision so you twist around, waddling through the water, just in time to catch Minho body slam Minjoon into the water.

“Minho! You’re going to kill your brother!” Seokjin sounds beyond distressed, so on his behalf, you swim further into the water, and pull the two boys apart only to find them grinning wickedly at each other. They had just turned five and had reached the age where morbid violence was amusing instead of alarming.

“Boys, can we find something else to play instead? You’re going to send your father to an early grave.”

“What’s a grave?” Minjoon inquires, clinging to your waist as you haul them back to shore. Taehyung’s already out, meandering back to the cabins that belonged to Jimin’s affluent family. It was his idea to have a quick weekend getaway at the lake. He insisted that the kids needed to go out and play in the wild but he wanted to get everyone out of the house. The stress from work and studies were taking a huge toll on the relations within your group. You’d seen Yoongi and Namjoon argue for the first time in a while and it had been over whether Marvel was right in killing off Tony Stark. Yoongi had nearly thrown a plate at Namjoon’s head when he insisted that Tony deserved to die. That alone instantly made you agree to Jimin’s plan. You had to pack for Jeongguk too since he was swamped with work, another reason why everyone needed this mini vacation.

The man in question is nursing a beer by the grill, a languid grin on his face as he chats with Namjoon. The smile on his lips sends a rush of affection flooding through your heart because you hadn’t seen it for a while now. What with your uterus refusing to do its duty and the workload he was dealing with; you were glad he was taking a break now. He deserved it.

“A grave is where people go and sleep for a very long time,” You carefully respond, running a hand through Minho’s wet hair. They both have Seokjin’s bright eyes and the curiosity within them slightly unnerves you. “You should go ask your dad, he can explain it better.”

They shot off at that, sprinting to their father who’d given you a grateful smile when you’d dragged them out alive. Unfortunately, he was now trying to feed his third son Chansook, who was a stubborn eater according to his wife Seoyeon and coupled with the insistent pestering from the boys you could see him slowly going mad.

Instead of helping, as you should, to diffuse the situation, you head towards the kitchen, snatching up an oversized t-shirt on the way there. Seoyeon’s dashing from place to place, checking pots and pans with the help of Jimin’s wife Bora and Namjoon’s wife Eunbi. Yoongi and Hoseok take it upon themselves to cook the near twelve-packs of ramen needed to feed all the mouths present. You leave them to it, aware that Yoongi makes his ramen in a specific manner and you’d rather stay away than help him in case you ruined it. Seoyeon shoves a chopping board and some vegetables in your direction which you gladly take, settling beside Soomi.

“Is Bora outside?” She asks, slicing up a melon.

“Jimin’s got her. She’s fine.”

“Surprised she hasn’t cried yet. She hates being away from home for long periods.”

“Three days isn’t long,” You comment.

“It is in her world,” Soomi remarks, her laugh gentle. You glance at her, taking in the new wrinkles on her face due to being a mother and working at the same time. You don’t know how she handles it, especially because Soomi inherited her father’s dramatic and clingy traits. But even despite the stress, there’s a soft smile on her lips. You know she’s thinking about her child. The whole concept of infinite love that a mother possessed for her children was still lost upon you. You loved Jeongguk to the Sun and back but the love lingering on Soomi’s face at the simple thought of her baby was entirely different. Some part of you longed to know what that felt like.

“Can I ask a question?” You carefully pose, slicing the radishes Seoyeon handed you earlier.

“Go ahead.”

“How long did it take for you and Jimin to conceive?”

“With his stamina,” she scoffs, “Not long at all. I was pregnant by the end of our honeymoon. Why are you asking?” Her eyes are on you, shining with curiosity eerily similar to the twins’ gaze.

“No particular reason. Just curious.”

“Are you pregnant?” Her blatant question has your cheeks heated and you pray the rest of the occupants in the kitchen didn’t catch what she said.

“No,” you hastily reply. “I’m not. But we are trying.”

“Oh.” Soomi’s staring at you with a gaze you can’t decipher. “You don’t want to get married first?”

“We talked about that. We’re in no rush for marriage. We’re both it for each other as far as we’re concerned and a piece of paper won’t change how we feel about it. So we’ll skip out on marriage for the time being. Our parents know how we feel about marriage too. Even if they don’t exactly agree, it’s our relationship.” You make your tone firm on purpose. This question has been posed to you too many times, so the defence in your words is natural. But the look Soomi gives you is sharp enough to crack through the thin glass that constructs your resolve. Her gaze isn’t mean, but there’s a clear judgement in her eyes. She pauses, a gentle sigh slipping from her lips before she slowly opens her mouth.

“If that’s what you want, then do it. But I have to warn you, kids do shake up the picture quite a lot. Soomi taught me so much about Jimin already, things I would never have known about him. Some of them I didn’t like and others I loved and I bet she’s shown Jimin things about me that I never knew too. It’s a lot to have a kid and you need to make sure your relationship can handle the extra stress and responsibility you’re about to put on it.” She’s not looking at you, instead focusing on tying up her dark locks in a neat bun, but her last words linger in your head. “Don’t do something that might push you further away from each other. You love Jeongguk, but will you love him as a father when he messes up? Because he will. You’ll mess up a lot too. Parenting is one big learning curve that never stops curving. Even if you feel ready, Y/N, your relationship might not be.”

You move to interrupt her, a rebuttal resting on your tongue. But Soomi halts it, shooting you a glance that makes your heart halt.

“Have you thought about the pregnancy too? How your body will change? The mood swings, the morning sickness? How crappy you are going to feel? And for nine months too. That’s a lengthy time. Even with Soomi I was counting down the days until I hit the next week. I wanted it over and done with so bad if I’m being honest with you. Every pregnancy is different; I understand that — you might even be lucky and have a great one. But most aren’t a walk in the park. It’s a big commitment to make, with a lot of serious risks. Not that I want you to reconsider your choice, I just think you really need to think it through. Weigh the reasons you want this. You may want a kid right now but are you in the space to have one in nine months? That’s just something to keep in mind, Y/N. It’s not an easy thing, pregnancy or parenting.” She’s staring at you hard now, gaze earnest. “I just want you to consider that. You should talk to Jeongguk about it.”

You mumble a noise of agreement, your heart suddenly heavy in your chest. There’s a numbness that creeps from there, in the pit of darkness that now consumes the light that had once resided within you. You cut the ingredients they had you absentmindedly, Soomi’s words ringing in your head.

Even when dinner is set, memories and laughter have been cast across the table and everyone’s had their fill, you’re still mulling over Soomi’s advice. She was right, you hadn’t thought about the toll a child would take on the connection between you and Jeongguk. Or on you. You’d only focused on the happy little moments that would await you as new parents instead of the rough, ugly parts of the journey. There was a sudden panic gripping your soul instead of the familiar warmth you’d become accustomed to when you thought about having a child. Jeongguk had sensed there was something off with you too, because when you climbed into the sheets that night he’d wrapped you in a tight embrace, carefully resting your head upon his upper arm.

“Care to share what’s on your mind?” His voice is a whisper in the dead of the night, breath warming your forehead.

“It's nothing really. Just thinking about… the whole pregnancy thing?”

His body tenses. “Oh... The doctor said we’re fine though. Both healthy and fertile. It’ll happen when it happens.”

“No. Not that,” you retort, twisting in his arms. You tear yourself away, rising upright, the blanket falling from your bare shoulders. Jeongguk stares at you, eyes wide open and full of alarm. “Jeongguk.” There’s a tremor in your voice. “Do you — do you really think we’re ready for kids? I still work under a shitty manager. We live in a small apartment. You’re — you’re working so hard it’s practically killing you. We’re not even married—”

“Quit your job.” He says it firmly, rising up beside you. There’s a fire in his eyes that riles you further into the panic that’s overwhelming you.

“What are you even suggesting? I quit my job? So what? You can continue working yourself to the bone? Are you even thinking?”

“I am!” He slams back. “You hate your job, so quit! You’re talented and skilled and you deserve to work at a company that appreciates you! And where is this coming from? You don’t want to have kids anymore?” His voice faltering at the end, pandering out into the air that’s filled with tension.

“No. I — I want to Jeongguk. I just don’t know if this is the right time. There’s so much that’s not settled, we shouldn’t be straining ourselves any further.” Your throat is thick and your head is hot, unshed tears brimming within your eyes. He reaches out for your hand, rough large palms enclosing your own. You can’t look at him, staring hard at the wall instead, trying to swallow your sadness. “Maybe I’m not getting pregnant for a reason.”

“Don’t say that.” His voice cracks. “If you want to wait, that’s fine. Just know that you’re the only person I ever want to take that step with. Whether we’re married or not. I love you. I love you so much. I don’t want you to be sad about something that’s meant to make you happy. We can stop trying.” There’s a hand on your cheek, his thumb wiping away the hot tears that you weren't even aware of. When you finally look up, there’s pain glimmering behind his brown eyes and it shatters your heart into thousands of little shards.

He holds you as you cry, rocking your huddled figure lightly. His shirt is drenched in your sorrow, a growing wet stain spreading over his chest. There are hiccups stuck in your throat when you finally draw away, eyes hot and puffy. There’s matching wet stains on his own red cheeks. You brush them away, staring into his red eyes, hoping he can feel how sorry you are for giving him hope that his deepest desire could come true and then snatching it right back,

When he kisses you, there’s silent tears still streaming down your cheeks. It’s slow, gentle. The words that are stuck in his throat are communicated through this kiss. Like he needs you to know it’s okay. Your worries are valid and even though he’s hurt, he still loves you. Still needs you. And you kiss him back with the same intent, your heart aching in your chest because Jeongguk had been so happy when you’d agreed to start a family with him. A life that wasn’t just about the two of you as individuals, it would have been about the two of you as one. But that’s no longer a reality, merely a castle in the sky now.

The pillow is soft beneath the dip of your head. Jeongguk’s above you and you hold onto him like you’re afraid you might lose him, your mouths still attached. You’re terrified this might push him away, that he might find someone else that can give him what he really wants. Someone who will trust his intentions instead of doubting him.

He pulls away, eyes glossy, a look in them that tells you he can feel the fear in your kiss, the desperation to keep him closer. “I’m here.” His voice is thick, still heavy with heartbreak. “You’ve got me. I’m not going anywhere.”

The urge to prove that makes your fingertips twitch. You’re yanking at the hem of his shirt, your heartbeat pulsing in your throat. It comes off immediately, followed by his shorts and your own t-shirt. He’s not hard but there’s a sizable bulge nudging against your clothed core. You pull him down, revelling in the way he caves you in, and kiss him until he’s grinding himself against you, little gasps spilling from his swollen lips. Your fingers are tangled in his long hair and even though you’re hurting your heart settles. This is yours. No matter what happens, this belongs to you.

Jeongguk must feel the same because he’s coaxing a dark bruise on your neck, the need to display his love for you making his tongue swoop across your sensitive skin, teeth nipping when a rush of desire slithers down his back. His hips move harder now and he’s leaking in his boxers, the damp stain of the fabric matching the one on your panties. The air still feels heavy, but your joined pants now fill it. There’s a hand on your hip, pinning you down to the bed and at some point Jeongguk had kicked the sheets to the floor. You’re at his mercy, taking the rough grind of his crotch against your own. There’s a sting on your clit from the material rubbing you the wrong way, so you gently push him off, slipping off your underwear. The cool air hits your slick folds, making you feel more exposed and vulnerable than you’ve ever felt before. He doesn’t say anything, just slips down your body, draping your legs over his shoulder, his warmth breath grazing your thighs.

The first lick of his tongue against you has your toes curling. You watch him spread you apart, firm tongue dipping into hole, toying with it before sliding back up to your clit. When his lips latch onto it, sucking it hard, your back lurches off the bed. The noises that fall from your mouth spur him on, tongue moving quickly now, alternating between precise quick licks and slower ones, tongue spread against your pussy. You take it, staring at him as he devours you. The usual fire you’d become accustomed to during sex doused from his eyes, the brown softer now, almost calm. But there’s an urgency in the way he eats you out, your slick coating his lips, as his tongue flicks against your clit.

It’s hard not to grind against his face, but you’re still holding yourself back, despite the rush of pleasure that’s creeping into every muscle, every nerve and piling in your gut. When his tongue swirls around your clit, before dragging down your folds and dips inside you hard, that resolve you were desperately clinging on snaps. You roll your hips against his mouth, back arched and your head pushing into the pillows. The knot in your gut is tight. You’re close, eyes closing involuntarily and your thighs twitching under the firm grasp of his hands. Jeongguk can tell because his tongue is against your clit once more, flicking hard, coaxing the orgasm out of you. You want to push his head away, the need to snap your legs closed making your thighs tense but he doesn’t care, fucking your clit with his mouth until you unravel beneath him.

It hits you slowly and then all at once. A build-up that has your squirming beneath him, trying to get away, then your muscles lock. Mouth wide open and words falling from your throat that you can’t decipher because there’s blood rushing in your ears. Your walls clench around nothing and you wish he’d slipped in a finger or two but then you glance down, Jeongguk still lapping at your pussy with vigour, his eyes on you and your whole body just dissolves. Your bones feel like they’re melting into each other, eyelids heavy but you force them open and lock them onto his. When you finally muster the strength, you push his head away and drag him up to you, slotting your lips together. He tastes like you, and you’re fully aware of his erection, the bulge grazing against your sensitive nub.

He cups one of your breasts as you kiss, his thumb brushing against your hard nipple. You jolt, a sudden rush of wetness gushing from your cunt. Your hands trail down his body without thought, gingerly digging into the band of his boxers but then he’s pulling away, mouth latching onto your nipple and your brain short wires for a second. The drag of his tongue against your chest makes your gut feel strange, another knot settling despite the orgasm you had moments ago.

He comes up, mouth shiny with your slick and your chest heaving beneath him as he stares at you in a way that makes your heart seize. “I love you too.” It hits you then, what you’d been repeating when he was going down on you. You said you loved him. And it’s true - you do. You love him so much it hurts sometimes. It’s the most overwhelming, intense emotion you’d ever felt. It makes your heart feel like it’s going to explode sometimes. And even though you’re not sure you can give Jeongguk what he wants anymore, those words lessen the worry and guilt you feel. He loves you. That’s all that matters.

His boxers find their way to the ground when your lips latch onto each other again and then he’s guiding himself into you, groaning against your mouth as you squeeze down on him. It’s slow, his hips rising and falling onto yours in a steady rhythm, cock stretching you out. It feels so good and you let go now, moaning into his ear as your hands settle on his hips urging him into you, faster and harder. Jeongguk complies, your name stuck on his lips as he fucks you into the mattress, the curve in his stomach telling him he’s close. You clench around him, loving the way Jeongguk feels buried inside you, filling you up like no one else can. You’re tight and wet and he can’t help but lift your hips, grasping the back of your thighs so that he can pound into you the way he wants too. He’s hitting deeper now, the curve of his cock rubbing against that part of you that has delicious tingles vibrating through your body. It’s heady, the way he fucks you. You can feel him twitching, thrusts in precise, the need to cum driving his hips. When he moves to pull away, you push his hips back down.

“I — oh,” He says, breathless when you squeeze around him, ribbed velvet walls clenching on his veiny cock. “I’m close.”

“Inside,” you murmur, “Cum inside.”

He stares at you, eyes glimmering. But his hips come slamming back down hard and he fucks you like he never wants to leave your cunt. It’s exactly what you want and you’re not worried. After three months of trying what could happen now? So you let him have his way with you, his harsh thrusts bruising your hips. His own falter against you, warm cum spilling inside. Jeongguk’s panting beside your ear, your sweaty skin sticking together. His hair is dishevelled, ruined and damp. But there’s a soft smile on his face and when he pulls out, cum making your thighs feel grimy. He pecks your nose gently. It makes your heart calm. Then he rises, moving to the bathroom and returning with a wet cloth. He cleans you up in silence but it’s content, not tense. Your eyes are closed when he slips into bed again, the mattress dipping under the weight of his knee. He drags the sheets he’d plucked from the floor over your body and you burrow into his side, the thrumming of his heart in his chest a serene euphony to your ears. You fall asleep like this, the melancholy that was weighing over your heart temporarily subsided.  

→

There’s a faint ding from your phone. You pick it up, sliding down the notification bar to see a reminder from your period app. You’re three days late. You choose to ignore it, tossing the phone back onto your desk because there’s a file you urgently need to complete. Seungmin’s been breathing down your neck about it. Coupled with the fact that Jeongguk’s birthday is next week and you’re still trying to plan his party out, your brain felt like it was about to combust. Your period is probably late because you were stressed. Jeongguk had been swamped with work too and after the mini holiday at the lake house you’d barely seen him. So obviously, it’s stress.

You leave the office late, putting down a reminder to book an appointment with your doctor in your notes app as you exit the building. You’d been mulling over going on birth control for a while now. It seemed like the most logical approach. Partially because you’d grown accustomed to feeling Jeongguk’s cum inside you and also because you thought it was better to wait a little bit until you were both more settled and ready for kids. Some part of you still longed to have them now but Soomi’s words haunted your thoughts every time the idea popped into your head. You had no doubt that you loved Jeongguk but the negatives of parenting heavily clouded over the pleasant scenarios you’d imagined.

The apartment is empty when you get home. You shower first and then head to the kitchen, your phone in your hand. There’s a text from Jeongguk telling you he’ll be late. He’s close to a promotion thanks to all his hard efforts even if it means you spend less and less time together. You settle on starting dinner, so that he’ll have something warm to eat when he comes home. He was notoriously bad at remembering to eat enough while working late.

When you’ve finished cooking, you settle into the couch, laptop open on some random show so that you have background noise as you eat. But it’s not enough to entertain you and you find yourself swiping through your phone. You scroll through Instagram feed, pausing over a picture of Yoona’s new-born. He’s a cute baby even with all the wrinkles and scrunched up face. His name is Jonghyun and Yoona hadn’t been able to stop talking about him. Baby this, baby that. It was cute, her unadulterated love for her child. Even when he puked over everything and refused to sleep.

Your heart feels heavy now, ears focused on the incessant ticking of the clock instead of the chattering of the actors on your screen. The memory of your first time taking a test comes stinging back hard. How nervous you were, how disappointed you felt when it was negative. It all seemed like wishful thinking now but something about it had you sitting upright, empty bowl discarded on the coffee table and your laptop nearly tipping onto the floor. You open the app again, stare at the three days’ late notification and then run to the bathroom.

The tests are still packed in the black paper bag. Your rummage through it, yanking out three in your trembling fingers tips. For some reason, it’s easier this time. You pee, dip them in the cup and leave them lying horizontally on the bathroom counter in what feels like seconds. Your heart pounds every step of the way. There’s no way you’re pregnant. It wouldn’t make any sense. Your legs jitter when you sit back onto the couch and everything feels like it’s going in slow motion. Or are you just moving really fast? You can’t tell, setting a timer on your phone before pressing your palm against your heart, trying to calm the drumming against your ribs. Time goes quickly and there’s a familiar buzzing signifying that your results are ready. You can’t walk. You don’t want to walk. It would be better not to know. But what’s the harm in knowing when you already know they’re negative. It’s just a confirmation. You’re not pregnant.

When you finally rise, your breath is shaky and your legs feel like logs as you drag yourself to the bathroom. The counter beckons you towards the tests, bright white light shining down upon them.

Two lines. On all three tests. Positive.

You can’t breathe. Your hands are shaking so much and suddenly the floor feels closer than it should. Your heart threatens to burst from your chest and there’s blood roaring in your head. You steady yourself against the sink, chest heaving beneath the loose shirt that you're sure belongs to Jeongguk. It feels surreal. The harsh light of your bathroom is hurting your eyes but you keep staring at the tests, the new information sinking in slowly. Suddenly you’re hyper-aware of your stomach, how the band of your underwear digs into the flesh of your hips. You can’t think about anything else because it hits you then. What those tests mean apart from the positive two lines, you keep blinking at.

Pregnant. You’re pregnant.

→

The first person you call isn't Jeongguk. It isn't your mother either or Yoona.

It's Soomi.

She picks up on the fourth ring, mumbling a hello that you struggle to hear over the sound of Bora whining in the background.

“Bora! Sit down!” Soomi’s not focused on your conversation yet. Her voice is tight, clear irritation radiating through her words. Something hits the floor and there’s a shrill echo of Bora’s cries ringing through the line. Soomi sighs heavily. “Give me a second. I’ll call you back.” And then the line goes dead.

Is that your future? Is that what you really want?

For some reason you’re crying. There’s a hot heaviness in your eyes that throbs dully in your skull, the coming of a headache. You wipe them away with the back of your hand, the lump in your throat making it hard for you to speak. Why did you even call Soomi in the first place? You can’t remember why the panic you’d felt had driven you to dialling her number. Especially when she planted that seed of doubt in your head in the first place.

When she rings again, you’re tempted to decline the call. Soomi would even question why you’re telling her first instead of your mother or Jeongguk. But you don’t know what else to do right now. You can’t just throw all the tests away and act like this isn’t happening. There’s a being developing inside you right now. A person that is both you and Jeongguk. And quite frankly you’re terrified.

“Hey, sorry for that. Bora’s started throwing tantrums now. I just had to talk to her.” She sounds exhausted.

You nod, realizing a second later she can’t see you. “Uh, yeah.” Your throat is clogged. “It’s fine, don't worry.”

“How are you then?” There’s a click of a door closing behind her.

“Um…” You can’t say it out loud, the words crawling back down your throat. Soomi’s quiet down the line, like she can feel the fear in your hesitation.

“Y/N? What’s going on? Are you alright?”

You still can say anything, a tremble in your fingers that you can’t control. “I’m…” She waits, patient, and you know her eyebrows are furrowed together like they usually do when she’s concerned.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just say it all at once? Rip it off like a bandage? You settle for that, forcing the rushed sentence out of your mouth. “I’m pregnant.”

“You’re what?” You open your mouth again but Soomi beats you to it. “You’re pregnant?” There’s an incredulity there like she’s still trying to process what you’d said. At least you are in the same boat.

“Yes,” You reply, finally stepping out of the bathroom. The tests are shoved far into the back of the cupboard. You’d taken care to store the boxes away too instead of dumping them into the trash. But now you long to sit, and the couch seems incredibly inviting. It’s weird to crawl under the blanket, knees curled into your stomach. There’s a life blossoming there. A whole life.

“Oh my god! Congratulations!” She’s practically vibrating down the line and her happiness has you pausing. Why is someone else more excited for your pregnancy than you? “How far along are you? Does Jeongguk know yet? I’m so happy for you!”

“...I don’t know how far along I am. I just found out.” Your voice is monotone in comparison to her bubbly questions. She catches on quickly, falling silent at the lack of joy in your tone.

“Oh. Are you alright? Weren’t you trying for kids?” Now she’s confused, hesitant to be happy when you’re not. The problem is, there’s a small part of you that’s elated. Finally, after all that time, here’s what you wanted. Handed to you on a silver platter. But you’re too wary of it all right now. There’s ominousness creeping into your beautiful vision of a family, staining the picture dark. What if this rips you apart? What if it makes you hate Jeongguk? What if this is the wrong time? What if you’re a shit mother? There’s too much worry looming over parenthood. And it’s sitting on your shoulders.

The tears reappear, dripping down your cheeks fast.

“We stopped,” You croak out.

“Oh.” Soomi’s silence leaves your head throbbing. You know why you called. For reassurance. Someone needs to tell you it’s going to be okay. Not Yoona. Not Jeongguk. Not your mother. Soomi was the only one who could provide the reassurance you desperately needed. “Y/N, are you happy?” She asks a heartbeat later, like she knows your thoughts.

You hiccup. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to feel or what to do.”

There’s a small hum from her lips. “Okay. How about you get a glass of water first. Anything you want to drink.” She’s right. Your hiccups keep interrupting her and they’re uncomfortable. You leave the phone on the couch, returning after you’d chugged some water. “You’re back,” She sounds relieved, sighing through the line. You mumble a sound of affirmation, digging your cold feet under the fluffy blanket. “Remember what I said about parenthood?”

“Yes.” Of course you do, you hadn’t forgotten a word she’d said.

“I know I mentioned all the negative things but I don’t want you to lose sight of all the little wonderful things. Having a child is both a blessing and a nightmare — and I know it sounds hypocritical of me to be talking about all the nice things that come with being a parent when I just had an argument with my daughter, but I promise you, there’s so many moments that you’ll cherish during this part of your life. It’ll change a lot, some for the worse, some for the better. But it’s worth it. So worth it.”

You stay silent, shuffling in the cushions. There’s an urge to touch your stomach and you give into it, feeling the warm skin beneath your palm that’s going to stretch out, making room for the child within you.

“You know,” Soomi continues, a waver in her voice. “I cried the first time Bora could walk without support from either of us. She wasn’t that big and I was so proud of her but it felt like my baby was getting too old already. And now I can hardly get her to sit down.” She laughs softly. The memory she’s shared warms you. You can see it now, the tiny little feet, the unsure steps. “You know that’s waiting for you, right? With Jeongguk’s energy, that kid will never be able to stay still.”

And then you’re smiling, an easy one that tugs at the corners of your mouth. The pads of your fingertips trail along your stomach. “He’ll be so happy,” You murmur. There’s not even a slight bump but you already feel different, now that you’re aware.

“I know he will. I saw him staring at all the kids when we were at the lake house. He really wanted this.”

You hum again, but the mention of the lake house makes you heart break. “I told him I wanted to stop trying then.”

“Really? Why? If I may ask.”

You want to say it’s because of her, but you bite your tongue. Soomi may be a bit harsh sometimes but she was a sweet person and didn’t need to have that held over her head. “Just rethought it.” You settle for that instead. “Wasn’t sure if I was ready for parenthood just yet.” She’s quiet, like she can tell it was because of her.

“Are you happy, Y/N?” She asks again, not addressing the elephant in the room

You pause to think about her question. Really think about it. Jeongguk would be ecstatic. Over the damn moon. Yoona’s been nudging you to join her in this next stage of life and your parents would be overjoyed too. And you? What are you feeling?

“I’m happy.” There’s a sense of surety there. No matter what happens, you longed for this just as much as Jeongguk has. It’s a blessing. Even if it’s hard at the end of it all, it’s worth it. “I’m really happy.”

Soomi’s voice has a lilt in it. “I’m glad for you. You know it’s going to be okay. Jeongguk loves you too much to ever let either of you go.”

“I know,” You mumble, gaze on the door. “Do me a favour, don’t tell anyone yet.”

“Of course! My mouth is shut. Call me if you need anything, love. I need to check on Bora before she puts herself in danger.”

“Hmm, alright. I’ll call. And thank you Soomi.” You’re warm all over, skin buzzing with an emotion you can decipher.

“Anytime. I need to run. If you need a good doctor, I can refer you to one!”

“Thanks, I’ll let you know. Bye Soomi.”

It settles in when the line cuts, the feeling in your bones seeping into every limb. You are pregnant. There’s a miniature version of you and Jeongguk sitting inside your uterus. Evidence of your devotion to each other. Your love. You can’t stop touching your stomach beneath the safety of the blanket, the sheer wonder of it all still lost on you. Then Jeongguk is pushing the door open, and your hand drops from your abdomen. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbow, tie loosely pulled from its knot and there’s a glow in his brown eyes. You haven't seen them shine like that in months.

He toes his shoes fast and then he’s launching into the living room, a grin on his face that reaches your heart.

“Hello, my love. What’s got you so happy?" You tentatively ask. Jeongguk doesn’t reply, instead tackling you into the couch, firm arms wrapping around you. He holds you tight, this face buried into the hollow of your neck. You can feel his smile on your skin and your heart keeps fluttering. A wild butterfly caged in your chest.

“I got the promotion.” The alcohol reaches your nose then, remnants of his celebration still on his tongue. The words you want to share dance on your own tongue. But you keep them in check. Not now. You know when you’ll tell him. Soon, but not now.

“Really! I’m so proud of you. You deserve it, baby. You’ve worked hard.” You say into the tuft of his dark hair. He sighs against you, heart drumming against your chest. Content. “Let me warm your dinner. I’ll spoil you tonight.”

“I can think of other ways you can spoil me,” He grins, shifting so he can cup your chin, gently pulling you closer. You give in because you long to kiss him too. Have the surety of his warm mouth against yours, feel that love echo when you slip your tongue against his. He tastes like soju. But you brush it off, it’s probably not bad for the baby anyway. It’s not like you can tell him to stop and google whether this is safe for you. He’ll ask and you’re not ready to share this with him just yet. So you let Jeongguk push you onto the couch, mouth still latched onto yours. It’s easy to let go, lose yourself in his touch for a bit. Because it’s Jeongguk. The love of your life, the person who keeps you grounded, your best friend, and now the father of your child.

→

Soomi keeps an eye out for you at the party. She quietly orders virgins with you and the only person who seems to catch on is Jimin who keeps staring at her stomach with fear. But no one else is concerned, too busy exchanging stories over the table, their glasses clinking every once in a while. Taehyung keeps the liquor flowing, racking up a bill that’s going to bite your wallet. But you’ll let it slide for tonight — after all it is Jeongguk’s birthday.

The man in question is glowing, a never ending smile gracing his cheeks. The promotion at work came at the perfect time. He’s on a high, radiating pure unadulterated happiness. His joy spills over onto you and you can’t help but stay beside his side all night, eyes locked on his bright face. The laughter of your friends feeds the love blossoming in your heart and it positively combusts with joy when that sheepish smile creeps onto his face when everyone sings to him ‘happy birthday’. You leave the restaurant late; stories still being shared in the parking lot despite your friends halfway into their cars. Soomi sends you a wink as you carry Jeongguk towards the car and you catch the suspicious glance Jimin sends the two of you. They’ll have an interesting discussion later, you bet.

Jeongguk lets you drive, still woozy from the shots Taehyung urged down his throat. He doesn’t question that you hadn’t drank anything. You’d had a few bouts of morning sickness since you’d found out so avoiding alcohol in this situation was logical. Jeongguk thinks you’ve got a stomach bug. He accepted that explanation so easily, not remembering the last time you’d had unprotected sex. The ride home is content and quiet, Jeongguk cuddled within himself in that passenger seat. He’s beyond happy and it’s evident in the fond gentle glances he’s giving you. You pretend to not notice them, vibrating hard in your seat from the nerves wreaking havoc in your guts. Your fingers tap incessantly on the driving wheel, an accompaniment to the drumming of your heart.

You’ll tell him tonight.

The package is already at home, hidden in your underwear drawer. It's simple enough. A white ribbon tied neatly over the thin velvet black box and within it a positive pregnancy test, placed neatly inside a plastic zip bag, the cap on the tip on.

You’d thought about how you wanted to tell him over and over again but this seemed like the best idea. It’s not extravagant or dramatic and yet, for some reason you’re still so nervous.

When you kill the engine, your car now nearly slotted in the underground packing of your apartment, the silence is replaced by your rapid heartbeat. You turn to find Jeongguk staring at you, doe like eyes glimmering in the harsh glow on the parking lot lights. His mouth is turned upwards, cheeks flush from the alcohol in his system. Before you can say anything, distract yourself from your nerves, Jeongguk’s tugging off his seatbelt and leaning into your space, mouth moving onto yours. It’s a soft kiss, one that has you buzzing like you’re a teenager again, falling in love for the first time. He keeps a warm palm on the nape of your neck, deft fingers gently pressing into the sensitive skin there. You can’t help but curve into his caress, moaning quietly against his warm lips. When he pulls away you move to chase for it. He stops you by pecking your nose, leaving you blinking at him, hands clenched in your lap.

“Thank you for tonight. I love you,” Jeongguk murmurs against your forehead, fingers weaving towards your own seatbelt. He unbuckles you quickly, hands now on your waist as he urges you into his lap. You clamber on top of him, mindful of the gears that hit your knees. It takes a while to settle but when you do Jeongguk holds you to his chest, fingers running along your side. Your heartbeat is in your stomach now and you long to blurt it out. He catches your mouth against his before you can say anything, tongue coaxing you open. You kiss because if you try and reply to his statement now you’ll end up crying.  You don’t know how long to stay like this, making out in the basement of your apartment building like teenagers trying to hide from prying eyes. It’s nice until your hip starts to hurt from the uncomfortable position.

“Let’s go inside. I have a present for you.” You’re breathless in his arms, mouth wet from his lips against you. Jeongguk quirks an eye at that, shifting so that his crotch brushes against your stomach.

“Really? What kind of present?” He asks it slyly, hips rolling against you. You reward his bluntness with a smack on his shoulder, before opening the car door. “Ow! You can’t hit me, it’s my birthday.”

“Hurry up or you won’t get your present,” you reply, slipping off of his lap.

“Not far.” He whines, but he gets out anyway, shutting the door behind him.

“I don’t care.” You say, smiling back at him. “It’s a good one I promise.”

The questions start there and Jeongguk doesn’t stray far from you as you head towards your apartment. He keeps a palm pressed against the small of your back, pulling away only to give you space to open the door. Inside he latches himself onto you again, dropping kisses along your neck until you gently push him on to the couch.

“Wait here. Let me get the present.” He stares after your retreating figure when you head for the bedroom, curiosity making him finally stay silent. You return with a small black box and his mind starts guessing. A tie? The box isn’t big enough. A toy? What toy is that small? A pen? Why would you give him a pen?

He accepts the box cautiously, fingers immediately tugging at the white ribbon knot. He can feel your eyes on him as his fingers close around the lid. It makes him pause, gaze flickering towards your face because he isn’t sure what this is at all. Then he yanks the lid off, vision landing on the object within the box.

It takes him a moment to realise it’s a pregnancy test.

“Are you serious?” His hands are quivering but he plucks up the plastic bag that contains it anyway, dropping the box to the ground. His eyes are on you and there’s tears welling within your own. Jeongguk’s head feels hot and his chest is too small, heart widely slamming into his ribs. “Are you actually serious? You’re pregnant? You’re pregnant!” The smile that breaks onto his face makes you laugh with joy and all you can do is nod your head. Jeongguk moves so fast from the couch, wrapping his arms around in. Your chests are pressed against each other, hearts communicating through rapid thumping. He keeps murmuring it against your ear, like he can’t believe just yet.

“You’re actually pregnant. Oh my god. We’re having a baby.” He’s trembling in your arms and when he pulls away to look at you, you hold him steady. There’s a twinkle in his eyes that makes your heart stop and then he’s kissing you. It’s soft and sweet but there’s an urgency with every press of his lips against yours, one that you feel too. You long to have him closer, fingertips already digging into the fabric of his shirt. It should be off on the floor right now. Jeongguk groans into your mouth when your hands slip underneath the fabric. He’s practically levitating right now. It’s impossible for him to get any happier. And then a thought hits him so hard he’s left breathless when he pulls away from your lips.

“I’m going to be a father? Holy shit — I — you’re actually pregnant?”

“Yes, Jeongguk.” The shock on his face makes you giddy. You gesture to the test still clutched in his hand. “I really am.” You catch the wonder that whispers in his eyes when he glances at the test once more.  And then he’s on you, hands settling on your waist as he kisses you like you’re oxygen and he’s drowning. His erection keeps nudging against your stomach and the movement has you dripping instantly, panties sticking to your core. When you naturally roll against him, you don’t expect Jeongguk to pull away.

“What? What’s wrong?” He swipes his tongue over his rose lips, looking abashed. His eyes are still glued to your stomach.

“Shit — sorry. I didn’t mean to rub against you like that.”

You blink at him. Hard. Was the man who literally fucked a baby into you apologising for rubbing his erection against you? Really?

“Jeongguk,” You begin, attempting to sound patient. “Are you not going to sleep with me this whole pregnancy?”

“Can we do that though? Have sex? It won’t put the baby at risk?” He’s genuinely concerned, a hand coming out to brush against your tummy.

“I’ll be fine, Jeongguk. The baby’s only five weeks anyway.”

“You sure?” The warmth of his hand against you has you radiating, glowing bright like a star in the middle of the dark galaxy. You try not to preen under his attention, but the concern colouring his honey eyes makes your heart ache with fondness.

“Yes, I’ll be fine.” You try to hide that emotion with a nonchalant roll of your eyes. He notes it with a gentle scoff, the palm on your hand stills though.

The firmness in his voice makes your cheeks warm. But then he glances at you again. “You’re not tired? You don’t want to sleep?”

“Jeongguk, I suggest you take advantage of my libido before it disappears. You’ve already put a baby in me, what’s stopping you now?” He must read the irritation in your voice well because he stops being coy and settles a hand on your hip to pull you closer.

“Nothing, nothing at all,” He murmurs against your ear before easily lifting you up. The grin tugging at your lips is blissful, the feeling of Jeongguk’s sturdy arms guiding you to your bedroom licking at the flame in your core. You cling onto him, giggling in time with his slippers faintly pattering against the floorboards. You don’t know how he flicks on the lights in the room but he does so without letting you go, the smile curving at his own lips pressed against your chest.

Your back touches the mattress gently, the act tender in itself. The look Jeongguk gives you makes your heart flutter, a soft warmth building in your gut has his hands wander across along your body, pausing at your waist which he clutches firmly. He fits perfectly between your spread legs, the silk dress you'd donned for tonight hitched up your thighs, revealing spans of skin that Jeongguk keeps staring at. His eyes roam over your body, glittering in a manner that makes your fingers itch to close the distance between your bodies. You can't help but stare at back him, a stupid grin on your lips because this is really all yours. He's yours and you love him. And he loves being yours too. You can tell it by the way Jeongguk leans down, slotting his lips against yours, his body pressed firmly into you. The twitch of his clothed cock against your core has you groaning into his mouth, the sparks that journey across your skin from every slight touch he gives your body intoxicating. Your hands are on him a beat later, slipping into his soft brown curls. When your nails scrap against the nape of his neck Jeongguk shivers, a minute movement that has his hips driving harder into yours. The grip that lands on your bare thighs triggers an arch in your back, lining you perfectly against him. There hasn't been an exchange of words yet but you can feel it in every roll of his hips, in the way his lips slip down to your neck, painting purple and blue marks along your skin and in the way he glances at you when he finally pulls away, petal lips bruised and a glaze in his honey eyes that makes you want to do dangerous things.

"I love you." There's another kiss on your lips. His hands are in your underwear, fingertips toying with your wet folds. "I love you so much. So much." Another kiss and an expert flick against your clit. You think your heart might burst. It feels too full of adoration, bruising your ribs with every erratic thump inside of your chest. You just tug him closer, directing his mouth towards yours again and kissing him hard enough to leave a print of your ardour for him on his lips for eternity.

"I love you too." You mumble it into the air, the sentence soft and warm, containing all the adoration you feel towards him. Jeongguk beams, brighter than the sun. Your love for him blinds you but you don't mind it. No one has ever made you as happy as Jeongguk has. No one has ever made you feel like Jeongguk has. You love him so much that it hurts. And you know he loves you just as much too.

It comes easy, the way your clothes fall off your body as he kisses you. Suddenly your bare bodies in a bed, the desperation in your touches heady. He leaves you breathless when he finally settles himself between your legs. The first lick of his tongue against your dripping core has your hands balling into the sheets. Jeongguk doesn't wait for you to register the feeling of his mouth against your cunt. He hikes your legs over his shoulders, tongue slipping deep into your cunt. You jolt from the intrusion but Jeongguk pins you down, grip firm as he forces you to take every deft swipe of his tongue against your pussy. He knows how to unravel you, and he does so quickly, not holding back anything as he licks you open, groaning deep into your cunt. It's the little sighs that do you in, the mumbles of praise that he murmurs into you that spark something in your gut.

"Jeongguk." It's hitting you fast, a tremble in your thighs that you can't control spreading warmth throughout your body.

He hums, parting from your cunt with his mouth covered in your need. It gives you a moment to breathe, but then he plants a kiss on your folds and you feel your brain melt into mush. "You taste so good," Jeongguk murmurs, before swirling his tongue around your clit - a skilled motion that elicits a rush of slick from your core. "So fucking good," he reiterates, despite you protesting squirms, the hands on your hip unforgiving. And then his tongue is back inside of you, fucking you open with a vigour that leaves you heady. There's nothing that can stop your fingers slipping into his hair, nails scraping his scalp with how hard you grip at the locks on his head. Your hips rise subconsciously, grinding his face into your cunt and slipping his tongue deeper and deeper until you feel it snap. He reads your body too well, the heave in your chest enough indication that your high is hitting you. And just before it does, his tongue is on your clit, licking at the sensitive bud the way he knows you like it. It happens all at once, a heat bursting through your system and your thighs suddenly begging to be clamped shut. But Jeongguk keeps them open, laving at your core as you shudder beneath him, vision blank and your nerves tingling with pleasure.

The waves barely subside, but you force your eyes to focus, the gentle press of Jeongguk's lips on your cunt making your toes curl. When you glance down, gaze floating over Jeongguk finally departing from between your legs, your heart bursts. His face is flushed rouge, a pretty tint over his golden skin, and his curls are tumbling into his face mussed from your fingertips racking through his hair. Even from here you can see how hard he is, straining against the fabric of his boxers, the print of his cock reigniting a fire in your gut that blazes through your nerves straight to your core. He notes the direction of your gaze with a loop-sided grin before he's descending onto you, trapping you within his sturdy arms. His mouth is on yours a second later, tongue slipping against yours. The groan that melts down your throat has your heart thumping, and your hands travel down his back, yanking him down until his crotch is pressed right against your own. You like the way you taste on his tongue, and it shows by how you kiss him, lips eager for more and more. The moment wraps itself around you, needs forgotten for a moment as you learn each other through your kisses all over again. It leaves you breathless, a tiny sigh drifting from your mouth when you finally part, and the look in Jeongguk's dark eyes evoking a thrill through your system. It's the instinctual thrust of his hips into yours that has the mood changing, like a trigger has been set off because suddenly you're needy, pawing at him until he gives in. You can feel him against you, twitching into your heat, the damp spot building on the fabric a result of both of your desires. There's a chaste kiss along your neck, Jeongguk slowly working his hips into you, but the pulse inside of your core demands for something more. Your fingers tug at the band of his underwear, impatient as you push down the fabric. He just laughs, mouth pressed into the hollow of your neck, hips raised to assist in your ministrations. It takes some wiggling before they're off, discarded someone off the edge of the bed.

"Aren't you needy — oh fuck." Your hand is wrapped around his length; the twists you give around him shallow but you know him well enough to know where to apply pressure. It doesn't take long from Jeongguk to crumble into you, the breaths against your neck shallow and quick and his cock leaking all over your hand. He feels good like this, thick and velvet-like against your palm, a weight you ache to have in your mouth. But then your walls flutter, clenching on nothing as Jeongguk groans into your shoulder, his hips pistoning into your hand and your brain can focus on nothing but having him inside of you, filling you up like he should.

"Baby." There's a careful edge to his tones. The profanity he whispers a moment later melts into the heat of your skin. "Keep doing that and I'll cum." He feels taunt above you, like a string on the verge of snapping.

"You could do that inside of me," you retort, twisting your hips up. It's only a slight brush but Jeongguk is swearing into the heat of the air. His hands are on the back of your thighs in an instant, hoisting you up to meet him as he settles himself between your legs, the head of his cock nudging against your core.

"You're a menace," Jeongguk retorts, pressing his length into you. His eyes are on your core, marvelling at how wet you are, practically drenching his cock in your slick. It doesn't help that you look gorgeous like this underneath him, his hands wandering back to your waist as he tugs you closer. The soft smile gracing your lips makes his heart ache. He pushes in without really thinking it over, the urge to fill you up overriding any other thought in his brain. The gasp you let out urges his hips to hit deeper, the feeling of your tight wet walls fluttering around his length euphoric. He loves every part of you but your cunt has a special place in his heart if he's being honest with himself. You fit around him perfectly, like you were made for him. Even after years of being with him it still takes him breath away, how easy you welcome his length into you, the noises you make when he's inside you. The first time you'd had sex Jeongguk had nearly cried. He'd never reached his climax that quick and it hit him hard, slamming into his body as he fucked you into the mattress. For some reason he feels the same way now, balls tight with his release, begging to coat your walls in his cum. He tries not to stare at your tummy but it's instinctual.

You sigh when he bottoms out, the curve of your bum pressed neatly against his balls. "But you love me."

Jeongguk scoffs lightly, rocking his hips hard. "I don't."

You ignore the butterflies that erupt in your stomach because you know he's lying. The look in his eyes as he gazes at your stomach says something else entirely.

"You do," you retort, raising your hips to match his thrusts. "You love me." The curve of his cock rubs right where you need him most, but it's not the hard pounding you expected from him tonight. He's going uncharacteristically slow, the drag inside of you steady but not fierce. Like he's purposely prolonging this, hanging onto the feeling of your cunt wrapped around him. There's a distance in his eyes that makes you clench your walls on purpose, hard enough to yank Jeongguk back into reality. He responds with a hard thrust, one that coaxes a low moan from your lips. He hums low, hips still driving you into the sheets.

"Yeah I do." It makes your heart swoop, the heat that envelopes your body intoxicating.

The sound of you meeting fills the room, your slick dripping over Jeongguk's length. For a moment you watch how he disappears inside of you. It leaves a tingle travelling through your body, to see how well you take his cock, how he groans deep every time he buries himself inside of you. But then your eyes flicker back to Jeongguk and his unwavering gaze on your stomach. Even the hands settled on your waist are ginger, gripping you like you're fragile. It's only then do you remember the concerns he'd voiced.

"You can go harder," you murmur, the tremor in your voice a result of how good he's fucking you despite the gradual pace he'd opted for.

Jeongguk hums, still driving his cock deep into you. He's not really concerned about that. His hips move slow because he's still marvelling at the fact that you're pregnant. That the child developing inside of you belongs to the both of you. That he fucked a baby into you. It sets off something oddly primal in his brain, dragging up an urge that he has to bite down on. That's why he goes slow, savouring every whimper and sigh that falls from your bruised lips. Etching the way your body feels under him, pliant to his desires. How you stare at him with that soft look clouding your gaze. He doesn't want this to end. Even with the pressure in his balls tight, he drags it out, drowning the words that threaten to torrent from his heart with the sound of your meeting. It echoes in the room, colouring the air with your mutual love for one another. He lets it wrap around him, revels in it. But then you're wrapping an arm around him and tugging him down. His face lands into your shoulder and his palms get lost in the sheets. He feels your legs straddle around his waist, drawing him deeper and deeper and Jeongguk feels his resolve crumble into dust.

"Oh." The little exclamation fluxes into the crook of your neck, lost into the heat of your skin. It ignites something in your gut and your hips rise to meet his quickening pace. There's an edge lingering behind your eyes and you want it so bad. Jeongguk hears the desperation in the way you whine his name and he moves with purpose now, pounding you hard into the sheets mercilessly. It's what you want and Jeongguk intends to give you everything and anything you desire. Especially now that you're the mother of his child.

His high hits him quick, a fast sweet thing that zips down his spine has your walls cling around his length, holding him in like you need him there. There's nothing that can stop it, but you join him a beat later, your bodies moulding into each other, space nonexistence as your rapid heartbeats fall into sync. You feel him twitch inside of you, cum pooling around your entrance, and your brain short circuits for a moment.  There's a warmth ebbing from your core, echoing deep inside of your bones and the added feeling of your boyfriend caging you in his arms, his cum slipping from your core, unlocks something in your brain. It makes your heart fall into ease too, and you can't help but cling onto the security of his being even when he's mumbling about cleaning the two of you up in your ear.

"No.” The protest falls from your pouty lips, a neediness colouring your voice that Jeongguk can’t help but smile at. The glitter of his brown eyes leaves you swooning, but not as hard as the quick peck he delivers on your check a second later.

"Please," He reasons, voice gentle. "You're gonna feel gross tomorrow."

Your legs are reluctant but they fall away regardless. "Be quick."

He plants another faint kiss to your lips again before rising. "Of course I will."

→

“You stink.”

Jeongguk laughs at the grimace painting your features as he dives into you, smashing your nose straight into the pit of his armpit. He reeks, skin still slightly sticky from putting his muscles to work in the gym downstairs. Normally, he would prefer to drive out to the gym he’d signed a membership for. He’d usually shower there before heading home. However, since the news of the new addition to your family Jeongguk had been adamant on staying near home. Though the equipment in your building was arbitrary Jeongguk refused to go out further than needed. Even when you desperately wanted him to. For instance, right at this very moment. You can feel the revulsion forming at the back of your throat as he nuzzles you into his arms. You gag on it, shoving him off harshly. You can’t even muster a playful smile when he stares at you in confusion, face downcast.

“What’s wrong?” He says it innocently, oblivious to the stench that’s emitting from him. Normally, you don’t mind Jeongguk post work-out must. But something in your brain has registered his current sweat drenched body as the vilest thing on Earth.

“You stink,” You reiterate, shifting away from him. Jeongguk pouts, sniffing at the tight fabric that stretches over his firm muscles.

“That bad?”

“Like a pig. Please go shower.” You snap, snatching up the bag of salt and vinegar chips you’d left behind in you flee from Jeongguk. Usually you didn’t like the way this flavour lingered in your mouth, yet somehow with the past couple of days you’d demolished more packets of them than you’d ever eaten in a single month in your entire life.

“That is not the food a pregnant woman should be eating,” He comments, voice coloured with disdain. He attempts to pluck it out of your hands, but the sharp glare you target at him halts his movements immediately.

“Don’t talk to me when you smell like that.”

He frowns, raising a hand to rake through the damp brown curls sticking to his scalp. “You hate the way salt and vinegar crisps smell. Why the hell are you eating them at this rate?”

“Why are you not in the shower yet?” The eyebrow raised directly at him pokes at his composed temperament.

“Y/N. Apart from those, what else have you eaten today?” When you don’t answer Jeongguk evades your space once again. You cough back the bile that’s coating your throat.

“We had breakfast together, you know what I ate.” He doesn’t take the retort well, sighing heavily as he blinks at you.

“Breakfast was hours ago. What did you eat in between that? I want a serious answer.” There’s enough gravity in his words to make you mumble out what he’s asking to hear.

“....Bread.”

“Bread?” He repeats it like he can’t believe it, tone coloured with incredulity. “Bread. You just ate bread. Was there anything on the bread? Tell me it was a sandwich at least.”

“No. Just plain bread.”

The sigh he emits now is loud and full of frustration. “Bread? Y/N, you’re pregnant. You can’t just eat plain bread that’s not enough for you.”

“I know,” You snap back, a harshness in your voice that even surprises you. It makes Jeongguk pause for a moment, but you’re already too worked up to care about backtracking your thoughts. “I know that I should be eating nutritional stuff Jeongguk but I can’t. I literally can’t. I feel like I’m going to throw up over everything. It’s so hard to force food down my throat when I feel like it’s going to come right back up. So stop getting at me for that. I’m trying, I really am. Just let me be.”

He tilts his head, the perturbation in his eyes tangible. There’s a moment of silence between the two of you that lingers, Jeongguk’s gaze unwavering. It makes you feel uncomfortable, and you squirm away subconsciously. The minute moment has a dark cloud settling over Jeongguk’s features.

“I’m sorry,” He doesn’t make a move to kiss or hug you - which you’re both grateful for and irked at. It’s a peculiar feeling, repulsing your partner.  “I get that your sensitive right now. I’m just worried. You know tomorrow is our first prenatal visit. You’re still taking the vitamins right?”

“I am,” You affirm, sticking your hand back into the packet of crisps. “And stop worrying. You’re making me nervous.”

He sighs again, rubbing the nape of his neck with unease. In one fluid motion he’s off the couch, taking the atrocious smell with him. “I’m sorry again. I’ll go shower. Please, just consider eating something that isn’t salt and vinegar chips while I’m gone. And drink some water. Please? For me?” The pleading look he gives you, doe eyes wide, plasters itself into your brain. You mumble a noise of agreement, waiting impatiently for him to walk away. He does so with one last long look at you, his eyes holding a miscellany of emotions that you can’t decipher. You don’t want to either, but the feeling they give you creeps through your chest, sneaking its way into your heart.

When he's gone, you dig into your crisps unabashedly, yet for some reason the taste of them leaves a film of disgust in your mouth. You try to chug it away with a bottle of water but it lingers, provoking a wave of nausea that has you taking deep breaths. The show playing on the television is monetarily forgotten as you wander into the kitchen in search of something to calm your unsettled stomach. The cluster of bananas sitting in your fruit basket catch your eyes simply because the vision of Jeongguk staring at you with that imploring gaze is still vivid in your memory. He’s right though - you’re not eating enough healthy food to sustain the current exertion your body is undergoing. Making a whole human being is incredibly difficult and it was taking a huge toll on your body. From the constant nausea to the back pain and sudden scent sensitivity, you were feeling overwhelmed. Your moods had suffered too, your patience running thin with Jeongguk more often than not. The lethargy your body feels seeps negativity into every aspect of your life - and it didn’t help that Seungmin was still breathing down your neck asking for reports left right and centre like you had nothing better to do with your time. There had been a couple of close calls at the office this week we’re you’d nearly snapped at him, but you’d managed to hold yourself back in time. However, all those repressed emotions are following you, reappearing in the way you flare up at Jeongguk for the slightest mistake. It’s starting to eat away at you, this guilt that you’re treating him like this despite your boyfriend trying his best to provide you with everything and anything you wanted. That’s why you grab one of the bananas, swiftly peeling it open.

But then the smell hits you, quick and hard leaving no room for you to force back the vomit that nearly spews from your mouth. You barely make it to the toilet in time, head held over the bowl as you hurl out the obscene amount of carbs you’d consumed for the day.

You don’t even hear his footsteps but the sudden hard gently rubbing on your back isn’t unwelcome. He murmurs softly over the sound of you heaving, crouching next to your huddle figure, worry violently radiating from him. It’s a few more retches before it passes, you mouth bitter with the remnants of salt and vinegar crisps. It makes your eyes sting, and suddenly your throat is clogged with a devastating despondency that swallows you whole. You don’t even feel like you can move from the toilet, holding your head in your hands as you choke back tears. You feel discomfort everywhere, and this is merely the beginning of your pregnancy. Seven weeks in and a part of you is ready to quit it all already.

Jeongguk coaxes your head up, gently urging a glass of water into your hands that you use to rinse your mouth out. The distress in his eyes doesn’t help quell any of the negative thoughts swimming in your brain.

“Are you okay?” He murmurs, voice soft in the echo of your bathroom. His hair is still damp from his shower, golden skin on display - evidence he didn’t have enough time to tug a shirt over his head before he came to your aid.

“Obviously not,” You bite back, and then immediately regret it when you see the fall on his face. “I don’t think I’ll throw up again, but I really want to lie down.” He nods, evidently glad you’ve given him something to work with.

“C’mere.” You make a motion at the mess in the toilet but he brushes it off. “Don’t worry, I’ll clean it.”  His arms lift you up easily, gingerly guiding you to the couch where he nestles you in the soft cocoon of pillows and blankets, fretting incessantly over whether you truly feel comfortable or not. And then, he’s gone. You hear the sound of the toilet being scrubbed even though you’re in the living room and your nausea rears its ugly head for a split second. It’s a dangerous lurch in your stomach that thankfully subsides when you close your eyes and breath slow. Jeongguk walks in on this, shirt soaked with the droplets of water slipping from his curls and his phone in his hand. You don’t see it but he’s staring hard at his phone, eyes swiftly reading through a series of web-pages, bottom lip caught between his teeth. He wishes he could just text his mom the question plaguing his brain but he can’t. You’d both decided to hold back the pregnancy announcement until the first ultrasound. But in situations like this Jeongguk wishes that his mother knew. Or anyone he could trust for advice really. He feels like he’s waddling blindly through deep waters, constantly making the wrong decisions because you keep snapping at him. Even now that you’re reposed on the couch, face lax, he can still see how dull your skin is. It makes his heart ache. For the duration of your pregnancy the morning sickness had been present - but it had never been this bad. Coupled with your other symptoms, Jeongguk truly feels like the worst partner in the world for not being able to alleviate somewhat of your troubles.

That’s why he heads to the kitchen with purposeful steps, snatching up the half peeled banana you’d deposited on the counter before fleeing for the bathroom and dumping it into the trash. You blink your eyes open to the sudden sound of Jeongguk knocking pots onto the stove and rummaging deep through the fridge.

“What are you doing?” You croak, voice weak over the droning of the television.

Jeongguk twists to face you, a tiny smile on his lips but his eyes are nervous. He asks it anyway because if he does nothing he’ll feel useless. “How do you feel about ginger tea?”

“I’m listening,” You say. The smile on your lips is tired, but the fact that it’s there is enough confirmation to ease the worry that had become a permanent fixture in Jeongguk’s heart.

→

His jittering is getting on your nerves. Jeongguk’s always been one to move around to alleviate his anxiety but by doing so at this very moment, he’s adding to yours. You already feel sick to your stomach, the candescene of the clinic lights sparking an ache in your eyes. Instinctively, you reach out from your perch in the leather chair, giving his jerky knee a firm but tight squeeze. The movement halts immediately and from your peripheral gaze you note the sheepish smile that spreads across your boyfriend’s lips.

“Sorry,” he whispers into the sterile air. Hospitals always have that sharp alcohol smell and you’re quickly coming to the conclusion that you don’t like that smell at all.

“It’s okay,” you return. “You’re just making me nervous, babe.”

He’s got your hand in his a second later. “I know. I’m sorry. I just can’t believe this is real.”

You huff. “Well you better start believing. This is very much real.” Maybe that’s what’s causing the mini freak-out in your mind. The gravity of the situation was slowly starting to dawn on you. Maybe it was the smell of the clinic, or maybe it was the equipment surrounding both of you. But it was all becoming very real that this was happening.

Jeongguk seems to have noted the flash of panic flooding your features but before you can say anything the door clicks open and a sharp lady with pin straight hair walks in.

“Good morning, Mr and Mrs Jeon. Apologies for keeping you waiting. I hope everything is alright.” She moves quickly, dropping a chart on the counter beside the wall before turning to face the both of you. You quirk an eyebrow at how she addresses you but Jeongguk doesn’t make a comment, instead quickly rising to give her a small bow.

“Morning Doctor Lee, everything’s alright. Just some morning sickness and fatigue but otherwise she’s doing okay.”

She grants you a small glance, the smile on her face gentle. “That’s to be expected. There’s some remedies I can suggest but for the most part you just have to work through it. Otherwise, we can get into the first ultrasound.”

You give her a nod, hand still intertwined with Jeongguk’s and a strange knot tight in your throat.

“Alright, go ahead and lie down for me,” Lee says, dimming the lights in the room. She raises your shirt up when you’ve gotten comfortable, handing you a paper sheet to prevent the gel from staining your clothes. Your exposed belly in the faint glow of the monitor screen ticks of something in your head. But you bury that feeling away, focusing on the feeling of Jeongguk’s callused palm against your own.

“Okay, just undo your pants and tug them down for me.” You do as instructed, wiggling in the seat until the curve of your stomach is out for all to see. You can feel Jeongguk’s eyes on it, the sudden squeeze he bestows your hand a clear indicator.

“The gel is warmed but it still might be a little bit uncomfortable,” Lee continues. She’s right, but you let her spread it around anyway, the pounding in your heart frantic. “So we’re going to do a simple heart-tracing,” she says as she presses the probe into your skin. “This is just a general check on how your baby is developing.” You nod again, ignoring the deft hard press of the probe and she shifts it around

“See if you look here.” Your eyes snap right to the monitor, mind trying to decipher the blobs on the screen into a person growing inside of you. “There’s your baby’s arm, and right there is the head and neck. They’re developing very well. Look there’s the rib cage, and there’s the spine.”

“Wow,” Jeongguk murmurs into the silence of the room.

Lee laughs, pressing the probe in a little deeper. “There’s the heart, and if I go down… Yes, there’s the stomach. And right there is your umbilical cord. Everything seems to be coming along well. Oh, look!” You can’t even rip your gaze away from the screen if you wanted to. “There’s the baby moving, see how the arm is raising?”

You can see it, a tiny slight movement that you don’t even register happening within you. Your baby is moving. Maybe you let out a little gasp, maybe your grip on Jeongguk’s hand goes taunt, but suddenly this seems real with a clarity you’ve never felt before.

“Alright, so I’m seeing no anomalies. So we’ll do a crown-rump length measurement. This will give us a possible date of birth for your baby. But from the information you gave you’re thinking you’re around nine weeks along, right?”

“Yes.” Your voice feels far from your body.

“Okay, let me just take a look at the rest of your body. I can see that your bladder is full, that’s good,” she says. You zone out then, lost in the sudden violent realisation that you’re growing a life inside of you. It feels slightly terrifying in the faint blue glow of the room. And it worsens when Jeongguk starts asking questions, mumbling about your food aversions and diet. Doctor Lee responds in that calm collected tone of her’s, giving him suggestions that you see him eagerly internalise. Yet you don’t hear much of what she says, too busy staring at the image on the monitor.

“Would you like me to take a picture?” Lee suddenly states. “We can’t determine gender at this stage but I could take a few pictures of the baby and have them printed out for you.”

“Yes,” you say. “We’d like that.”

Lee nods, the softness of her gaze enough to ground you for a moment. “Let me just move this around here. We’d like one with the baby up and in a good position.” You can’t tell if Jeongguk is breathing beside you, his sudden silence vaguely concerning. But this his fingertips feather down your side, reassuring, a reminder that he’s here for you.

“Alright then, that sums up what we’re able to do for your first ultrasound. I just need to check some of the reports and then I’ll get back to you. Here’s some towels so you can clean yourself up.” She leaves you buttoning your pants up, the lights back on and a weight sitting heavy on your shoulders.

“Our kid is gorgeous.” Jeongguk breaks the silence with that, tugging your hand into his once more.

“We haven’t even really seen him, Jeongguk,” you return. There’s a delirious smile pulling at your lips. Yes, you’re worried about this new challenge. Parenthood truly did not feel like a joke, but every time you look at Jeongguk. See the bright adoration blooming in his eyes, that fear can’t help but subside. It virtually disappears when he brushes a kiss against your forehead, plucking up the tissues you’d used to wipe the gel off.

“Him? How do you know our baby is a boy, hmm?” There’s the thud as the tissues hit the bottom of the garbage can. You shift to help him clean up but Jeongguk stops you with a firm palm against your belly, honey eyes staring at you with tenderness.

“I don’t know,” you return. “I think it’s a boy. But I don’t really care. I just want a healthy baby.”

He flicks your nose fondly. “I feel the same way, my love. Everything seems to be going well so far. I just need you to eat a little better. You heard what Doctor Lee said.”

“I know,” you groan. “But the baby hates everything! It’s not my fault I’m not hungry.”

“I know, my love. But you still need to eat. Where do you want to go for lunch today? I’m thinking Paul’s.” Jeongguk sweeps the rest of the mess up, ever so diligent and nit-picky. “I’m craving pasta.”

“Fine, but don’t expect me to finish anything. Those portions are always too —”

“Mr Jeon?” The door swings open, Lee striding in with an envelope and her chart tucked underneath her white coat. “Here’s the ultrasound photo. As for the estimation date, we’re thinking around May 17th. If you have any other questions we can discuss them now.”

“I think we’re clear of any questions right now,” Jeongguk responds, gently taking the envelope from her outstretched hand. “Thank you, Doctor Lee.”

“Alright, let me know if anything happens or if any questions arise,” she says. “I’ll see you at your next appointment.” She sends you off with a smile, and the worry that claws at your insides ebbs away the moment your feet leave her office.

It’s in the car that you rip open the envelope. It feels weird, holding the picture in your hands. Because that’s your baby. That’s something you and Jeongguk made together. A life forming inside of you. Jeongguk leans into your space, a hand on your thigh as your both stare at the picture together, attempting to pinpoint where the arms and legs are forming. It’s surreal, knowing that this was happening inside of you right now.

“That’s our baby,” you whisper. Jeongguk grins, planting a warm kiss on your check.

“Yeah, that’s our baby.”

→

Your bump grows steadily over the course of your pregnancy. Suddenly waist bands are too tight, jeans don’t clasp shut, and you’re left rummaging through your closet for anything that sits loose enough to alleviate your discomfort. Jeongguk’s sweatpants swiftly migrate to your closet becoming a favourite item for you to don until one day Soomi insists on taking you maternity shopping. It’s not your favourite activity, to be honest. The harsh lights in the changing rooms illuminate your drastically changing body, bouncing off the roundness of your belly. It’s surreal, to see yourself alter like this, a totally new person staring back at you from the reflection. But you amuse her regardless, not minding the loose fitted clothes she swamps over you with that delicate smile of hers.

You and Jeongguk tell your parents first, during one late afternoon lunch, before announcing the news to everyone else you know. There’s hesitation in the initial reception, expected comments at the lack of your matrimony being muttered amongst your grandparents and parents. But that quickly dissipates when you hand them a picture of a recent ultrasound. They fall in love immediately, cooing and simpering with adoration for the child growing within you. It’s around then that the glow sneaks around, your skin vibrant and the smile on your lips unwavering. But the pregnancy isn’t perfect, there are still bouts of morning sickness and a growing pain at the base of your back that refuse to disappear despite advice for others and consistent care from Jeongguk himself. You manage through it though, a strange feeling blossoming in your chest whenever he places an absentminded palm against your belly, like a security blanket shielding you away from the bitter coldness of the world.

You can’t help but think about that feeling as you stare yourself in the mirror, sans clothes, tummy spreading far from body. With your first trimester essentially over, the changes in your body have become more rapid. It’s been odd to glance down and find a swell there instead of your usual tummy with its rolls and softness. Your fingertips give in, poking gently at the skin there. It’s still soft — just different, a firmness that tugs at your heart meeting your fingers. You should have gotten into the shower ages ago, a meeting awaiting your morning at the office. Jeongguk’s up too, the faint padding of his slippers echoing through the walls. You don’t realise how close he’s drawing until the door slides open, brown curls and wide eyes appearing from the sudden gap. There’s no need to hide, his gaze falling on your bare skin gently.

“Are you going to get in any day soon or is your body more fascinating to look at?” He’s annoyed. Despite your insistence Jeongguk doesn’t like the idea of you going into a stressful environment that you hate on most days, especially when his new position covers both of you. Seungmin doesn’t know yet too, and your manager is still a pain in the ass on good days. He doesn't want that around you when your body is preoccupied with creating life. But the idea of wasting away on the couch watching reruns of sitcoms and shunning away the comfort foods you once enjoyed sounds abhorrent. You’d rather be in the office while you can, and your colleagues are wonderful to — better company than a television show.

“You don’t think my body is fascinating?” He sees your pout in the mirror, shifting forward with a small smile on his own lips.

“I never said that.” The words wrap around you the same time his arms do, strong and firm but delicate in how he handles you. His lips meet your neck a beat later, the adoration they leave sinking straight into your heart. It warms you from head to toe, burning when his hands fall to your belly instinctively. “It’s more than fascinating.”

You hum, rocking into his chest. “Is it?” Your eyes don’t leave the mirror, engraving this image into the base of your mind where it will live with a clarity as clear as the sky. Jeongguk on the other hand is too busy looking at you, eyes trained on your face like he’s staring at a constellation hanging high in the velvet of the night. His hands travel, dropping low to settling at your hips. His own brushes against you, want evident through the loose fabric of his shorts.

“Do you want me to show you how fascinating it is?”

“I'm gonna be late for work, Jeongguk.”

“You don’t have to go at all,” he returns, a gentle press of his lips on your neck accompanying the statement.

“And why would I want to do that?” You retort, but your resolve is weak, body already pliant to the gentle shift of him as he draws you close.

“You don’t have to want to not go – I can just make you.”

“Jeon–”

His wandering hand is now at your chest, the fingertips that trail along your skin are delicate and yet they leave blazes of heat in their wake. “Please,” he burns the word into your skin, lips leaving a soft mark. “Just for today.” You feel it then, the crumble of your resolution. It happens the moment his hand slips low, right between your legs, grazing soft the way you like it. His other hand stays at your chest, squeezing soft before he catches your nipple between his fingertips. A precise flick, and the press of his tongue on your neck has you succumbing faster than the shore does to the hungry tide.

“Jeon–” He makes you watch, fingers landing right where you need them, sure deft presses against the nerves there. Your thighs are drawn taunt already, heightened by the sensitivity of your newfound body. It catches you gaze in the mirror, that bump, peaking forward as he works your open with his fingers. You can feel his muscles shift, ready to spin you, lift you up onto the counter like he’s done before and find his way between your legs. But you decide then, that you don’t want that just yet.

“Wait – wait, Jeongguk. Wait, I want something else first.” He halts, pauses with a curiosity in his dark gaze that makes you nervous for some reason. In baited silence you turn, shuffling away from him and sinking on your knees in a fluid motion.

“You don’t have to –” He starts, but you don’t let him finish.

“But I want to you.”

“Baby.” It’s laced with apprehension, but his cock is hard at the sight of you like this, pliant and on your knees, a pretty picture burned into his memory. “Your knees,” Jeongguk mumbles, gripping the counter when your mouth his dick through the fabric of his shorts. “You’re going to be in pain.”

“You know I like pain, Jeongguk.” And then your tugging the fabric down, sighing when he springs out, hard and needy. He’s already leaking, tip red and wet. He wants to say something, but it vanishes when you swallow him whole, head bumping into the back of your perfect throat with an evil ease. The groan that falls from his mouth and unearthly, painting the air warm. He’s forgotten how good your mouth is, how eager you work your tongue around him, fast and quick over delicate nerves that fall victim to your ministrations quick. He’s not normally this fast in reaching his edge, but the sight of you, naked and full in the mirror plague the back of his mind. It shouldn’t be hot but that fact that you’re carrying his child does something to base part of Jeongguk’s brain that he can’t put into words. It’s what drives his hips forward, motions muted because he doesn’t want to overwhelm you. But you don’t care, forcing more of his length down your throat until you gag, lips glistening bright under the bathroom lights.

“Baby,” Jeongguk mumbles, his hand reaching to pull you off his cock. “Baby – please – gonna cum if you don’t stop.”

You pull off with an obscene wet pop, licking your lips sinfully. “But that’s what I want.” You see him twitch, length dripping wet.

“No,” Jeongguk whines. “Not when I wanna cum in you.”

“Really?” He doesn’t even know why you’re surprised.

“Yes,” he answers anyway. “Really.” You’re pulled from the ground softly, and spun to face the mirror with care. His clothes hit the ground then, firm tan arms wrapping around you. They bend you forward, rest your hands onto the counter so you have support when he sinks down behind you, nudging your legs open with purpose.

“Thought you wanted to – oh fuck.” Jeongguk hums at that, tongue slipping right between your folds. He licks you open with a fierceness that has your knees shaking, deft movements filled with urgency. It sparks that heat in your gut, allows to spread fast through your body as his face burrows deep between your legs. His hands hold you still though, carefully protecting your belly against the bathroom counter. You can’t focus on anything but the feeling of his tongue sliding in deep, coaxing your walls apart eagerly. When he finally parts from your cunt you’ve forgetting how to breathe, forehead pressed against the cool counter and your lungs heaving.

“Good girl,” Jeongguk comments, dropping a swift kiss on your core. “Wet like this just for me, right?”

You sigh, a tiny noise of agreement. “Just for you.”

Jeongguk doesn’t comment, gripping you hard as he rises again, cock nudging right against your cunt with ease. He doesn’t move though, hands coming to gently lift your head. He forces you to look, honey eyes coloured dark even in the glimmer of the lights. His fingers journey along your features, quietly claiming the skin they touch.

“All of this, only for me, right?”

“All for you,” you immediately comply, hips shifting back. You want him so bad it hurts.

He pauses at your belly, settling at the base of it, swell cupped in his hand. “Only for me.” You don’t reply at first, because it feels like something Jeongguk is saying to himself. But then he looks at you, waiting, the grip on your body firm and unforgiving.

“Yours.” It’s whispered into the morning, like a secret of the night instead. Jeongguk smiles, that bright grin you’ve grown to love feeding the fire that burns fast within you.

“Mine,” he brands the word into your skin with a kiss on your neck. “Forever?”

“Forever.”

He buries himself deep them, splitting you open with one sure thrust that coaxes a moan from the back of throat. It melts into the air, walls already adjusting to his length. You can feel the slick coating your inner thighs, tainting the base of his crotch and dripping down his length. You sway, but Jeongguk holds you up, keep your gaze focused on the mirror as his hips draw away, before returning back with a force that catches your tongue between your teeth. He fucks you hard with a need you’ve never felt before, a purpose driving his hips forward until you feel your body given way, the sound of your meeting resounding through the room, hard and fast and wet. And yet his hands hold you together carefully, delicate with your fragility but firm like he needs you to know something. You think you do, and this side of him is both pleasant and terrifying. Nobody has ever touched you like this before, fucked you open like this before. But then again Jeongguk did say only him. And he meant it, judging from how his hand snakes to your cunt, landing right where you need him as if he’s memorised your body, engraved parts of him into his brain forever. It feels like he wants you to do the same, with how hard his hips drive forward, moaning low in your ear as his body tenses. You’re close too, but not there yet. Jeongguk can feel that, knows that tremor in your thighs is not enough. So he bites it back, holds that drop in his gut as he moulds your body into his, thrusts deep and slow.

“God – Jeon – J-Jeongguk – I can’t – can’t–” You look gorgeous like this, head lolling back and your hips shift to meet him.

“You can,” his fingers move faster, determined. “Be good for me, hmm?”

“But–” It appears faster than you’d like, a violent flash that pulls from within as Jeongguk unravels you. You can still feel him, buried deep and throbbing hard against your walls. Your legs want to give in but Jeongguk holds you up, forces you through it with shallow bucks of his hips against your heat, groaning low when your walls tighten around his length. He falls then, right into the heat of his want, spilling deep inside of you with choked whine and a kiss against your shoulder. It feels long and like it happens in a blink at the same time, but even as he stills you can feel him inside you, twitching around the pool of cum dripping from your cunt.

There’s another kiss on your shoulder as Jeongguk slowly pulls himself out. His cum follows quick, slipping from your cunt with is. You note how he watches it, how his fingers twitch with the instinct to stuff it back inside. You can’t help but roll your eyes. That was something you did when you were trying and there’s already proof of that effort right in your belly. He moves to plant another kiss though, right on your cheek while his hands sneak down to fulfil their desire. You halt them with a gentleness.

“I need to shower, Jeongguk.” The comment produces a pout on his lips. You kiss it away. “You have work too, babes. Get in with me.” He complies, still insistently drifting his hands downwards. A simple man honestly. With very simple needs.

→

With Jeongguk’s new position and your new predicament changes have rapidly happened. The search for a bigger apartment commenced right after your birthday announcement. At first, you didn’t find it necessary to uproot your whole life from your current apartment, with its quaint location and scattered memories. But Jeongguk wasn’t thinking about that, mind already focused on the future. He wanted a better district, closer to primary schools and day cares with stellar reputation. It was mildly unnerving, to see him come back from work, tie loose and his cheeks flushed from walking up the hill to your home with a list of new places they should go to, recommended by his colleagues. You’d asked around too, and slowly seeing one or two new places jumped from five to ten and eventually thirteen. All of them were disappointing in some way; either Jeongguk or you weren’t satisfied with the garden space, or he found the baby’s room to cramped, or the apartment too close to the main roads. Or the furnishing would not be adequate enough for the rent the landlord was charging. He also wanted benefits, perhaps a gym in the apartment complex or space to build one for himself in a private home. It quickly became apparent to you that Jeongguk wasn’t just looking for a new space, but rather the perfect forever home for him and his family.

Family.

A word you’ve slowly become accustomed to saying in your head. Jeongguk was your partner, and for the most part your family – but this, the baby in your belly. That was your family. A child that belongs to you as much as they belong to Jeongguk. It’s a foreign concept, but your heart swells in anticipation for it every time Jeongguk comes home for work, exhausted by lightening up the second his eyes fall on you and your stomach. It deepens during your doctor’s appointments, quietly observing the attentiveness Jeongguk directs to those meetings, how he notes down every bit of advice the doctors suggest. And its blooms when you begin find copies of parentings books around the house. You’d bought a few of your own for your journey but the shiny novel labelled: ‘Parenting Guide: For New Fathers’ sitting on your kitchen counter does something to you. Jeongguk wanted this more than he let on, and the fact that he was willing to give it up when you felt reluctant shows just how much he loves and cares for you. It feels like a blessing that everything aligned in its own way, perhaps drawn into your life by the desires of your boyfriend and partially by your longing for them too.

You’re lucky enough to find the perfect place thanks to Seokjin. A modern high-rise with the perks Jeongguk wants and enough room for your family to blossom, plus a playground space for your baby to grow in. It’s an arm and a leg to afford but Jeongguk was adamant to provide, and in the back of your head you were already thinking of side-things you can do to support your devoted lover. You move in towards the beginning of January, your previous lease drawing to an end at the perfect time. The new year is ushered in with new furniture and kisses in empty rooms, your sweaters stretching hard over your growing tummy. The journey feels both long and short, marked by moments with your mother, friends and Jeongguk and most importantly by yourself. Hours spent in front of the mirror observing your body change and transform into something new – something strong enough to create life within. Perhaps it’s always been that, yet seeing it occur right before your eyes has been astounding. Jeongguk keeps a steady eye on you, a weight lifting off his shoulders when you finally hand in your resignation letter. Seungmin is surprised, but he stares at your stomach with grudgingness that makes you feel sick.

(And you are the moment you get home, even with the first trimester over).

“Women,” he had muttered under his breathe. “Good for nothing but having babies and abandoning work.”

At first you’d wanted to ignore it, have your final day in the office be a pleasant calm one. Your co-workers were pretty nice, albeit occasionally annoying and deriving too much gratification in gossip but they were nice. Yet how could you, when the source of your stress and anxiety had the nerve to speak to you like that.

“You’re a real fucking piece of shit, you know.” And just like that Seungmin had shut-up, narrowed eyes staring at you in disbelief. “What the fuck have I ever done to you? My work has always been excellent unlike the subpar shit you usually get from everyone here. And yet you’ve been nothing but an annoying piece of shit to me and half your employees here. I don’t know who made you like this but I suggest you leave that shit at the door when you walk in – or else you’ll be dealing with more than just an angry pregnant lady. I’ve heard some pretty interesting harassment lawsuits have been springing up.”

He hadn’t said anything, mouth agape as you’d gotten up, your bag tight in your arms. “Learn to fucking respect the people you work with, or else someone will teach you that lesson.”

You’d stormed out, passing quick goodbyes as your stomach swayed with dread. It had taken more from you than you’d expected but it trepidation had passed as quick as your head hitting toilet the second you’d gotten home. Jeongguk considered buying you a cake just for that, and you’d told him to shut-up. But you could feel like pride and relief in the hug hid given you after you’d told him, and that was all that truly mattered in the grand scheme of things. Not life-sucking leeches like Seungmin.

→

You never really wanted a baby shower. It just felt so overwhelming and attention-seeking to demand that everyone in your life pays mind to you and the baby you were growing, but as pregnancy went on, Yoona and Soomi couldn’t help but insist, taking on the burden of planning it. Jeongguk has helped too, picky over the food and colour co-ordinations to the point where Yoona is considering never talking to him again.

“He’s going to be a nightmare when you plan your wedding,” she says it over a mouthful of rice, swiping through flower arrangement pictures. “Why the hell does he know the difference between gold and rose-gold I can’t even get my husband to figure out two different shades of blue.”

You’d shrugged, the smile on your lips small. “He really likes art, maybe that’s why.”

“A designer’s eye,” Yoona comments, sweeping over the apartment. “I knew they was no way you were responsible for this. Remember when you wanted to paint your apartment walls orange… I’m so glad you met him.”

“Hey! Orange is a really nice colour, it’s very warm and welcoming.”

“Orange is gross and gives people migraines – who have you ever seen purposefully paint their home in the shade of bright orange?” The quirk of her eyebrow makes you laugh, but your still adamant like always.

“It could have been me; I could have been the first.”

“And the last if anyone was smart enough. How’s the baby room coming along.”

You’re up in an instant, partially weighed by the new heaviness in your stomach and chest. “Wanna see? Jeongguk did most of it.” She nods, following you through your new home to the room right beside yours. It opens up to reveal a wide room, painted a pretty pastel yellow, tiny birds and flower wreathes lining the walls. Jeongguk had done it himself, along with the images of Bambi placed on opposing walls. It was his favourite Disney movie after all, and if he aimed on converting your child into loving it too you don’t mind. The crib is adorned with pillow and plushies, carefully picked out for their softness, along with a faded blue blanket that belonged to Jeongguk. His mother had kept it, somewhat pristine for its age and former use. The rest of the room was filled with paraphernalia; a rocking chair given by Namjoon, an assortment of toys partially handed over by Seokjin as his kids have aged and pretty star mobile swaying over the crib.

Yoona’s delight is evident in her smile, padding around the room with the movement of something you can only describe as mother-like. “I could give you baby clothes by the way – Jonghyun is growing so fast and I don’t know what to do with them.”

“That would be nice, thank you.”

“You’re okay with boy clothes? Wait – are you having a boy?”

You roll your eyes, moving forward into the room. “No, we decided to keep it a secret from ourselves, you know this I bet Jeongguk told you.” From the sly shift of her gaze he did. “Soomi is the only one who knows.”

“Why Soomi and why not me?” Yoona pouts, looking exactly like her high-school self.

“Because,” you respond, “Soomi can keep a secret and you can’t.” Her laugh is soft and good-natures because she knows it’s true too.

You fall into small silence, one that feels like memories. How you’d met this girl at the tender age of ten and kept her in your life as you’ve grown from young and wild teenager, confused and reckless adults to this. Mothers. A part of your future that you never truly saw coming.

“He did all of this?” Yoona supplies into the silence. You hum a noise of agreement. “He really cares.”

“He does.”

“I think that’s nice. It’s good you meet him that day – and if I recall when you called me right after you were already calling it the worst day of your life. Now look.”

And you do, fondness creeping forth from your chest. “It was the worst day of my life. He cost me an important job.”

“And he ended up giving you this,” Yoona returns, moving to slip her hand into yours. “A fair trade doesn’t you think.”

“Not a bad one at all,” you say. Your laughs are as light as the dawn sun just breaking beyond the horizon, coloured bright like the paint on the wall of your child’s future room.

“You’re gonna miss this,” Yoona says, squeezing your hand softly. “Once it’s all gone and everyday feels like a challenge… These moments you’re gonna miss them.”

“You miss being pregnant?”

“Maybe,” Yoona wonders out-loud, the look she gives you sneaky. “Jonghyun needs a sibling.”

“God please, give yourself a break. And besides,” You glance at your tummy. “He has a friend on the way.”

Another moment of silence falls, as you both stare at your future while your hand clings to your past and present.

“Remember what I said, at my baby shower?” Yoona whispers, her fingers gripping onto you.

“I remember.” It’s funny that she brings it up, considering what happened that night.

“Well… I’m happy we’re doing this together.” You pause, turning to face her, the smile on her hips matching yours.

“I’m happy we’re doing this together too.” And when she pulls you close for a hug, you remember the girl you once were, unsure and stumbling. It feels nice to know that Yoona was there for you then, and she’s here for you now.

(The shower is more than a success, filled with memories you’ll treasure for ever – and images of Taehyung in a diaper stamped into your memory forever. Yoona and Soomi were right through; having one gave you moments to remember and it felt warm, to be surrounded by the tender adoration and love for your family celebrating the start of something new.)

→

Your baby is late. It’s fitting actually, because that’s something you would do if you were about to be born. But it’s starting to get on your nerves. There’s an unspoken edge hanging in the room, amplified by the constant concerned looks Jeongguk has been throwing your way since your child decided to hang in your womb for a little longer. You’ve been trying to ignore it, but it’s hard when he’s checking up on you for contractions and when the hospital bag has been sitting beside the door for three whole days now. You drown his concern (and yours) with bowls of popcorn and a strange new-found interest in watching old romantic comedies. Jeongguk paces around the apartment while Bridget Jones gets locked in a Taiwan jail for attempted drug smuggling. It would have been a funny moment, expect Jeongguk’s pacing as has the baby moving too and now there’s a tiny foot trying to murder you from the inside. So much energy, an obvious mark of Jeongguk’s genes because any child of yours would definitely prefer to not move instead of brutalising their mother’s insides.

“You’re sure we shouldn’t just go in? Get a check-up or something?” Jeongguk heads peaks from the living-room door frame, locks tousled from the fretting of his fingertips.

“No,” you return, shoving a handful of popcorn in your mouth. It’s more for the effect rather than from enjoyment because for some reason it tastes weird. “We called already, babes. It’s okay, leave the baby alone they’re not ready for the world yet.”

A hard kick into your ribs and you immediately regret saying that. Maybe the baby should just come out – you’re ready for them to.

There’s a line of worry digging into his forehead. “Are you sure? I don’t like this – what if something’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” you say. And fortunately as far as you and the doctors know, nothing is. All the ultrasound and check-up appointments had confirmed that your baby was growing steadily and healthy inside of you. Maybe they just wanted to stay in for a little bit before meeting the word.

“Y/N…” He shifts into the room, beautiful face weighed with concern. “We can go just to check–”

“I’m not doing that Jeongguk.” It’s firm and a little mean but he was fussing like he was the one with a huge baby sitting on his bladder.

“Alright.” It’s a quiet resignation. He moulds into the pillow beside you, careful not to brush against your belly. During the early stages you didn’t mind but now there was a sensitivity that left you irritated and vexed if his hand lingered for longer that five seconds. But you can feel him staring at it and a part of you feels bad for dismissing his concerns. You reach out without a second thought, guiding his palm to the side of your tummy where the kicks echo through.

A huff drifts from his mouth, soft and wondrous. “Strong little girl,” he mumbles, following the pads of the kicks as they breach from under your skin.

“Girl? Did my mom tell you?”

“It’s definitely a girl. She’s stubborn for staying in there when I want to me her. Exactly like you.”

You flick his forehead, caught off guard by the awe sitting in his wide doe eyes. “Mean.”

“How?” Jeongguk whines, petal lips forming a pout. “Bubba, your Mom is calling me mean. Imagine – me!”

“And you called her stubborn.”

“I called you stubborn, she’s a by-product of you so it’s still really your fault.” That playful glint surfaces with an ease that shouldn’t leave you breathless. You hope she has his eyes

“Jeon, shut-up before I something terrible happens to you.”

“What’s the worst that could happen? It’s been six years of empty threats. If you wanted me gone you wouldn’t have had my kid.” You close your eyes in frustration, missing the very important airport scene that all romantic comedies tend to milk to the point of death. Jeongguk laughs at your misery, cooing with the baby kicks against your belly again, as if she’s laughing with him.

She. You’ve been avoiding any gender nouns since the baby shower but now that word seems fitting. A little girl. Your daughter.

“You’re both horrible people,” you return, idly dropping popcorn in your mouth.

Jeongguk gasps, as false as the acting displayed on your television. “Bubba did you hear that? Mom called you a horrible person and she was calling me mean!”

You whack his head, whining when the baby responds to his silly comment with a fist into your stomach. “God, Jeon stop. She gets hyper when you talk to her.”

“She?” Jeongguk raises an eyebrow, still smiling.

“She,” you return.

He falls quiet, staring at your stomach with careful consideration before you see it click in his head. “Anyway, as I was saying –”

“Jeongguk!”

It’s too late and your girl is already awake, kicking and punching every which way like you’re not the sole thing keeping her alive. Jeongguk just giggles but moves with to resettle the pillows behind your back, alleviating what discomfort he can. The tension that gripped the air suddenly lets loose, a calmness filling your head as the evening draws to a close. You only get anxious when you have to slip into bed with him, stomach too far stretched out for you to attain any source of ease. Jeongguk’s already learned to read you well, giving you space and extra pillows where he can, the only thing you hold onto during the night his hand. Somehow, you fall asleep, until your body jerks you awake, a searing pain bleeding through your lower limbs. The ache eats through your grogginess, pulling you up and out of bed where you find with a sudden violent shock that your pyjama pants are soaked. And yet you never panic, fumbling for the lights and heading to the bathroom to pat yourself awake before the next wave of pain stings through.

You poke Jeongguk awake, his eyes snapping open with an urgency that startles you.

“What’s wrong?” His back rips from the mattress as he twists to take you in. “Are you hurt? Sore? Hungry?”

“None of those. I think my water just broke though.”

“Your – what? W-water? You think?” There’s a pause, and then Jeongguk is bounding from the bed like he’s being hunted down and chased. The paleness that sweeps over his face coaxes a giggle out of you, which is immediately washed away by another brief bout of pain.

“Shit,” the word is mumbled again and again under his breath as he runs through the house, collecting last minute things. In a moment he’s guiding you to the door with no shirt but shoes on, keys gripped tight in his hand. “Do we do the breathing thing now? And when was the last contraction? I need to time them.”

“Jeongguk,” you sigh, “Could I change first. I don’t think going to the hospital in Micky Mouse pyjamas is very fitting. And you need to put a shirt on.”

He freezes, spine straight and forehead beading with sweat. “S-sorry–shit. I’m just freaking out let me help you.”

“I’m freaking out too, Jeon. But let’s be calm about it right?”

“Right,” he returns. “But we seriously need to get to the hospital because of the baby comes right now I might faint.”

“Not helping. Jeongguk!”

“Yeah, of course. You put out the set you wanted in the first drawer right?”

“Second drawer. The light blue ones.”

He leaves you staring at the hard wooden floors of your home as he runs to get them, a slight sweat building down your back. The contractions are still spread out, not frequent or concerning just yet. You wanted to stay home for a little to be frank, but judging from the frazzled nature of Jeongguk’s movements you’d rather not ask your boyfriend to wait before rushing into the hospital. You watch him with fondness as he dresses you in the living-room, doe eyes wide with concern and stuck on your stomach. There’s a shirt over his head at least, and a change from his sleeping sweats into clean dark ones.

“Jeongguk,” you whisper.

“Yes?” It’s said with high-alert. “Does it hurt? Should we do the breathing–”

“Jeongguk,” you interrupt. “I think you need to calm down.”

“I am calm.”

You give him a look.

“Okay, I’m not calm,” Jeongguk returns. “But I’m also facing the very real fact that our baby has decided to come into the world in the middle of the night and you’re not freaking out at all which is making me very nervous.”

“I am,” you reply. “I’m just trying to contain it because I don’t want to make it worse. And while I love you Jeongguk I need you not to go crazy on me right now. And I thought you wanted to meet her, she’s decided to come today since you were complaining about it.”

He frowns, lips puckered in an exasperated pout. “Sorry–just–it’s just–I didn’t think it was going to be this scary.”

“It’s not. We just need to get the hospital and everything is going to be okay. So let’s focus on getting into the car first and then we can do the breathing practises, okay.”

Jeongguk stills, eyes drifting to your stomach. You see his shoulder fall lax, a sudden protectiveness lingering on his face. “Okay, let’s start with that.”

→

You were wrong. Very wrong. About everything. Staying at home for even twenty minutes more would have been the worst decision you had ever made because when you baby decided to come into the world, she decided she was coming in fast. Viciously fast. Maybe Jeongguk’s crazed concerned was warranted. Your contractions speed up and get worse during the brief trip to the hospital, and by the time you’re walking in past the doors you’re considered maiming Jeongguk so that he never gets the idea that you want a child again. The staff is incredibly helpful, leading you to your room and bed while Jeongguk calls his parents and yours. It feels both rushed and like everyone is taking their sweet time with you, as if there was a baby literally trying to rip its way out of you. The nurses take the noting of the times Jeongguk recorded, immediately pointing out that your contractions have speed up but not enough to head down to the theatre. Soomi arrives during the two hours they give you to settle, occasionally popping into the check your dilation and contractions.

Her hair is a mess and you can hear the faint sound of Jimin consoling Jeongguk in the hallway. Which is stupid because he’s not the one giving birth, you are.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Soomi starts, drawing near with a container of food. She notes the look of disdain you throw it’s in direction, quickly discards it on a nearby stool.

“Thinking about killing Jeongguk,” you respond. The epidural you requested is not kicking in fast enough.

She laughs, a bright thing that eases you edges a little. “I said the exact same thing when Bora decided to come.”

“Where is she?” You ask, forcing a smile when Jimin walks in the stupid spawn of evil who put you in this hospital bed.

“Taehyung’s. Seokjin and Yoongi are coming tomorrow morning. You think she’ll be here by then? Soomi inquires. You catch the slip of her tongue, a faint smile spreading on your lips as you mumble a greeting to Jimin.

“So it is a girl,” you comment. Jeongguk halts beside you. Maybe you won’t murder him just yet.

“W-well, I – I mean – well, yes it is.”

You’re glad Soomi was the only one who knew. A secret kept right until the last minute.

“I told you,” Jeongguk interjects. “I had a feeling.”

“And I’m feeling like ending your life, so maybe don’t talk right now.”

Jimin’s laughter is loud and unabashed, a direct contrast to the nervous blush staining Jeongguk’s cheeks.

“And now you know why I was scared of Soomi, right?” Jimin comments, ignoring the threatening glare his wife spears into his head. “Have you picked a name yet?”

“Not really,” you return, noticing Jeongguk’s sudden silence. You reach for his hand, heart aching with the fear you might have heart him. He responds automatically, clinging right back onto you. “But there are ideas. We’ll know when we see her.” You say the last sentence while staring at his face, mind already conjuring the image of your girl. Will she have his nose? His cherry cheeks? Will she smile like him? You hope she does – Jeongguk has the best smile in the world. He’s staring at your face like he’s wondering the same, gaze flicking over your features with careful consideration, a gentleness in his eyes that warms you heart even when your contractions decide to resurface, clamouring to be heard in the waves of pain that follow.

“Hey,” there’s a soft hand on your head. “You’ll be okay.” Jeongguk looks worried but you can see him trying to hide it, shoulder tense but his eyes soft.

You respond with a mumbled noise of agreement. “Yeah, when this baby gets the hell out of me. Can somebody call the nurse; my beeper isn’t working.”

Jimin does, leaving Soomi and Jeongguk to hang over you like grey clouds in the sky. You stop focusing on them, letting the murmurs of their encouragement fade into the distance as your focus settles on the bright luminescent hospital lights. Everything shifts into a state of surrealness, marked by moments of doctors prodding you and Jeongguk catching your gaze from his place at your side. Eventually you’re pushed into the theatre room, followed by a trembling Jeon Jeongguk in scrubs and a mask. Soomi and Jimin linger in the hallways while the only thing you hear is one stupid word.

You push until you think you’ve split into two, squeezing Jeongguk’s hand because he should go through this pain too. He doesn’t protest, mumbling words of comfort in your ear while you attempt to crack the bones in his hand.

“You’re doing so well – see look she’s almost here,” he murmurs, hand a grounding force when he strokes your cheek. “Just one more, my love. One more push.”

And then finally, finally, you hear that cry, the pressure in your hips waning. It’s immediately replaced by a quiet awe descending on your both. The nurses congratulate you, cleaning and swaddling your baby up before hastily placing her on your chest. If the tears on your face are from pain or love you wouldn’t know. They are one and the same right now, the splitting of your heart aching in your chest as the love for your child pours out. She’s got his nose. You see it instantly, her eyes are still shut, but you think she has his eyes too. She’s so adorable and too tiny for the world. You feel it then, the fierce need to protect her from anything and everything. Jeongguk’s drops down to your level too, enclosing you both like he feels it too. There’s no need for words to be said, the silent exchange of wonder between you two enough as your baby breaks into weak forlorn cry.

Her name is a quiet decision, vocalised by Jeongguk reaching to graze his thumb across her small cheek. “Hello Jieun-ie…. Hi baby... Don’t cry bubba, we’re here. Hmm, we’re here my love.”

→

Jieun is a blessing. There’s something about her gummy little smile and those chubby mochi like cheeks that makes your heart warm with adoration. She’s got Jeongguk’s eyes too, little stars trapped in her loving gaze. It’s almost addictive, how soft and plush she is in your arms. You want her to stay small and tiny forever, under the protective gaze of her mother. Even the slightest thought of anything negative happening to her, makes your heart seize with terror. You didn’t know it was possible to have space for this much love in your heart but Jieun’s carved out a place just for her, a home in your heart besides Jeongguk.

You try and think of that love and warmth during moments like this - when she’s up all night, screaming her lungs out. You’ve checked her diaper, nothing. You’ve gently directed her wailing mouth to your nipple, immediate rejection from her chubby hands. You’ve rocked her around the room for the past forty minutes, softly bouncing her against your hip, but to no avail either. She’s not hungry, or dirty or tired. You’re lost on how to ease her back to sleep and your patience is quickly wearing thin. The gurgle of spit on your shoulder isn’t making the situation any more tolerable either anyway.

“Why’s my baby crying,” Jeongguk coos from the bedroom, voice groggy with sleep. You’d left him in bed and taken Jieun out when she’d gotten fussy, afraid to rouse him. He’d picked up some long shift once again and it pained you to see him shuffle to work early in the morning with barely any sleep on his face.

“I’ve got her; you can go back to sleep.” You try to reassure him but the incredulous look he gives in you in response has your put together facade crumbling. “I don’t know what’s wrong.” It’s mumbled in the cool air of your apartment, the shame in your tone drawing him closer.

“Hungry?” He says, there’s a hand against the small of your back, warm from the bed he was wrapped in.

“No,” You whine back, briefly closing your eyes when Jieun lets out a particular ear splitting wail.

“Oh no, baby. Don’t cry. Daddy’s here.” You press her into his hands wordlessly, a heavy weight on your chest when you finally take a look at him. He looks like he’s been run over by a truck, skin pasty and flat from sleep. His hair sticks out haphazardly from his head, a wild brown mane that’s overdue for a cut. There’s shadows under his eyes and a deep line forming between his eyebrows. A consequence of how often he frowns at things. Like he’s doing at Jieun now, eyes barely open in the dim light filling your living room.

You subconsciously reach out, pressing the pad of your thumb between his brows and massaging until his gaze relaxes. Jeongguk looks at you perplexed, murmuring sweetly into Jieun’s ear while he stains his shirt with her snot.

“Premature wrinkles,” you softly mutter. His eyes flash and then he’s shaking his head, gaze focused on Jieun.

“Bubba, why do you keep crying? Hmm?” He lifts her up gently, sniffing her bottom while she protests violently. “You’re not dirty either.” He cradles her tenderly once again and for a brief moment, she closes her mouth, wide eyes on her daddy. Neither of you move, frozen by the hope that she's satiated. And then her lips purse tightly, followed by them falling open with a thundering wail.

“Jesus,” Jeongguk whispers, hands gently running along her back. “Where do you get your lungs from? Huh bubba?” Jieun responds with a miserable cry, grubby hands flailing through the air. You catch one for her marshmallow fists, bemused when she smacks your hand away.

“What is wrong with her?” You can’t help but ask, feeling like you’ve been thrown off a boat and left to drown. Parenting shouldn’t be this difficult —  she’s only five months.

“Honestly?” Jeongguk's face seems down. “I don’t know either.” He rocks her softly and is rewarded by a softer cry. It takes a couple more minutes of bouncing from Jeongguk for her crying to wane away. You cautiously move closer, taking her hand into your own again, heart thumping when she grabs back at you tightly. You trail your thumb against her tiny fist, glancing up to find Jeongguk staring at your joint hands with a weird look in his eyes.

“Should we go to bed?” He asks, peering at you beneath his long brown bangs. Jieun hiccups at that, immediately falling silent when she nuzzles in her father’s neck. They have the same soft wavy brown hair, but Jieun’s is a little bit sparser, not as thick as her Daddy’s. You gently pry your hand away from hers as you nod, a pleased sigh coming from Jeongguk.

The bed is cool, sheets tipping towards the floor. There’s only a fraction of warmth against your skin when you finally crawl in, bones going soft at the touch of the mattress. Jeongguk makes a move to settle Jieun in her cradle but you shake your head, hand gesturing to the space beside you. He gets in without another word, gently resting her body between the two of you. Her breathing is even, eyes fluttering every other moment, teasing dreams you won’t ever hear and she won’t ever remember. You hope they’re good regardless.

You can’t help the wandering hand that settles on her plush little thigh, fingers grazing against the soft skin there. She’s so big already, it’s insane to see her grow so quickly right before your eyes. This was the girl who was kicking your stomach at every chance and sitting heavy on your bladder. The little baby that demanded you eat pickles with ice-cream and Cheetos dipped in chocolate syrup when she was in your belly. It’s surreal to see her sighing and gurgling outside of your body. It also makes you nervous, how little control you have over her environment. There’s no way you can ensure that she’s comfortable and safe at all times. Or happy and fulfilled. Which hurts like hell. This is your baby and you would do anything to protect her.

Maybe Jeongguk must feel the same because he pipes up, breaking the quiet of the night. “Are you worried? About Jieun?”

“Of course. Aren’t you?”

“All the damn time,” He mutters. You look up, eyes landing on the heavy gaze that’s directed at her sleeping face. “I’m so worried. What if we’re messing this up? I know we’ve barely started but sometimes it feels like too much. I don’t want to see her cry or you tired all the time. How do we know we’re doing the right thing? I want to make sure she’s stable and safe but there’s so much more to come and I’m going to mess up. I know I will.”

It’s a lot for you to digest. The way he blurts it out — it sounds like it’s been on his mind for a while now. It’s a stark contrast to the surety you were greeted with in the delivery room and the man who wanted this to happen in the first place. He doesn’t sound regretful, just terrified of the uncertainty of the future.

“Jeongguk,” You say, trying to wipe the exhaustion from your voice. He needs someone to lean on right now, and even if your heart feels heavy with the words he’s said, you’ll pretend to be that person anyway. “That’s okay. I’m going to mess up too. There’s no manual on how to do this. No one knows how to be a parent. Every child is different. We’re never going to be perfect. We just need to try our best at this.” You reach for his hand, intertwining your small fingers against his larger bigger ones. You give them a squeeze, pleased when Jeongguk looks up at you. “That’s all we need to do. Not everything will be perfect. We just need to try our best to make Jieun happy. Right?” He nods at that, holding your hand tighter. “And stop worrying. She loves you. You’re a great dad.”

He stares at you deeply, still gripping your hand. You watch that soft smile slip onto his face in silence, a warmth bubbling in your chest.

“And you’re a great mom,” He whispers back. You ache to lean over Jieun’s sleeping body, press a chaste kiss against your boyfriend’s lips. But a loud gurgle from her has both of you glancing down concerned. She’s kicking her legs gently, mouth halfway open and drool around her lips. You wipe her mouth fondly, letting go of Jeongguk’s hand to do so.

“We should sleep, shouldn’t we,” He mumbles, burrowing his head into the pillow.

“We should.”

“Hmm. Goodnight bubba,” He whispers at Jieun and then he glances up, eyes soft. “Goodnight Y/N.”

“Goodnight Jeongguk,” You return, giddy for some stupid reason. “Goodnight Jieun-ie.”

There’s a beat of silence, when the air is only filled with the rise and fall of your chests in union, punctuated by the occasional sigh from Jieun. And then Jeongguk is kicking your feet beneath the blanket, eyes open and on you.

“I love you,” He whispers, crust forming around his eyes. You kick him back, a warm feeling settling in your chest as your eyes flicker between your baby and the love of your life. It’s oddly perfect, despite the lack of sleep, despite how groggy the both of you are, despite the uncertainty of the future. None of that matters at that moment. Because you’re here, in your home, in bed with the two people you hold near and dear to your heart. You’ll tackle it together, whatever challenges the future holds for you. Because this is your family.

“I love you too, Jeongguk.”