#like sorry to vague but how do you write an entire meta post not mentioning either of these facts

[ladyloveandjustice]

'why do people have more of a problem with yuri than fiona in spy x family'

because yuri wants to fuck his sister and he's a supercop. there i've answered the question for you.

[yea-baiyi]

hello again. it is i, the anon who screamed about lwj here to scream about jc now. more than wwx and lwj, jc was really changed in cql to become a much more sympathetic character e.g. we don't see him killing/torturing deviant cultivators, we learn of wax's bisexuality through him (and he's not bigoted about it) and you can see in wzc's expressions that he really loves wwx and shijie, which is absent from the novel. (1/2) bc i have more to say.

anyway, i really hate the way some parts of the fandom ridicule others for not seeing jc as a irredeemable bastard when it's clear that much of that sympathy is derived from cql's jc who is in fact sympathetic. the best example i can think of is eps 11 to 13 where jc clearly wants to keep himself and wwx out of trouble during the indoctrination, whilst wax's priority is helping lwj. his reluctance is clearly out of concern for wwx than selfishness. (2/3) sorry, got more to say. and the part that i find heartbreaking is jc at nightless city. right from the beginning of the ceremony, he's so dead-faced compared to the other characters, like he's a man having to face the idea of his brother being executed and he can't say or do anything to save him without dooming his clan. he doesn't try to attack wwx in the initial assault. like, ppl can hate mdzs!jc if they want, but cql!jc exists too and he's not a stagnant character.

HELLO ANON i’m sorry it took a few days, I was sucked in by the zhang zhehan hyperfixation ghoul, but it has now released me and I can go back to endlessly stewing about my meta theories that should wait until after my exams.

I’ve seen people mention a lot of jc hate in the fandom; i stay away from that kind of thing generally, but i did write a post about some of my cql!jc thoughts in this post here.

But what i do want to add is: cql changes jc’s character by a LOT, to the point of turning him from a vaguely antagonistic side character to a heartbreaking, sympathetic lead in his own right.

More under the cut bc this is legit an ESSAY.

Part of it I can credit to wzc’s HEARTBREAKING and WONDERFUL performance: he added so much with jc’s little fond gazes at his siblings, his sassy younger sibling eyerolls, the sort of grudging, ‘i-love-you-but-i-want-to-fucking-kill-you’ looks that he gives to wwx, they all build up to depict jc as a spiky, short-tempered youth who loves his siblings SO fiercely, his family means the WORLD to him, but would rather dIE than say it to their faces. we’ve all known people like that, if you have siblings you know the feeling.

(look at that smile, this boy loves his brother so much)

But jc was also changed massively by the script. In several ways.

Firstly, adding so much backstory in the flashback section gave them a lot more time to flesh jc out, and they opted to shift the focus of his character. They lightened the emphasis on his sect and his mother’s toxic influence, and gave him more scenes establishing his family dynamic with wwx and jyl.

in this version, while his mother’s constant criticism is upsetting to him, it doesn’t shape his entire worldview and personality like in the novel. in cql, he’s the quick-tempered, competitive, grumpy little brother, the straight man to wwx’s playfulness, a solid part of the yunming trio dynamic.

it shapes jc into a different character – one whose obsession with restoring his sect comes from a misplaced expression of his real desire to reunite his family. one who just wants his brother by his side, who wants to feel secure and whole again. one who lashes out at the people he loves because he doesn’t know how else to show that he cares.

one thing that stands out to me: cql the show, as written, ENTIRELY holds up to the interpretation that jc did not ever intend to kill wwx at nightless city; in fact, he saved him. the combination of 1) driving his sword into the rock instead of killing wwx outright (and never clarifying it with anyone in the cultivation world), 2) IMMEDIATELY conducting the search for wwx’s ‘body’, and 3) "HOW DO YOU KNOW HE REALLY DIED”, naturally leads to the conclusion that jc always intended to save wwx’s life by letting him fall from the cliff. (someone wrote a brilliant post about this, i’ll try and find it)

this version of the character loves his family more than anything, so of course he would do what he could to save his brother.

like you said, anon, in nightless city, he looks DEVASTATED, even before yanli dies. this version of jc has watched his beloved brother slowly slip further and further away, his sister married off and now widowed. this man, who cares about his family more than anything else, lost all the family that he had left in one night.

I am aware that (1) probably came from censorship and 2/3 were from the original novel, but if you put all three together it supports this conclusion completely, and paired with jc’s changed characterisation in the show, it seems obvious that it was intentional.

in comparison, mdzs!jc personally led the siege on the burial mounds – this version of the character GENUINELY places the restoration of his sect over all else. this version of the character is harsher, bitter, and hyper-focused on his sect, to the exclusion of all else. he is influenced by the toxic mindset of his mother constantly comparing him to wwx; he reads selfish intentions into everything wwx does.

the turning point for his character, at the end, is when he finally realises that wwx has sacrificed too much for him, too much for his sect, for his anger to have any ground left to stand on. what’s worse, wwx does not ask for thanks, does not ask for forgiveness. wwx overturns jc’s negative perception of him entirely, leaving him with nothing to hold onto. he HAS to let the grudge go.

i compared this to the arc of zuko in season 1 of ATLA: the story cuts off when he realises that his laser focus was wrong, that he needs to let go of his grudge to work towards his redemption. jiang cheng letting wwx go at the end of mdzs is equivalent to the scene where zuko shaves off his topknot and walks away from the fire nation. at that point, he is a long way from being a hero, or even someone worth rooting for. but it’s the first step on the journey.

so mdzs!jc plays an antagonist role in the book – compared to cql!jc, where he is undoubtedly a sympathetic lead character in his own right. to hate on mdzs!jc for not being the same character is completely overlooking just HOW different these two characters are. cql!jc is meant to be a more likeable character, while it’s less so for mdzs!jc by design. these are different characters – don’t use your preference for one version to dismiss the value of the other.

[augustheart]

1, 9, 15, 20 for the writing ask meme!

This time around all of these are for fics by the way.

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

Like I said in the last ask at any given time I have a stupidly high number of projects I’m working on but I will take this time to talk about the ridiculously long one I’m putting most of my energy toward now! (The tab is open right now and it is taunting me with that “last updated yesterday at [...]” notification and its 32,427 word wordcount.)

I won’t say exactly what it’s about even though it’s not that hard to figure out and several people already know exact details but progress is generally pretty good! Not the fastest I’ve ever written because I write in fits and starts but it’s going pretty good! (Just jinxed it though for sure.) I’m working on chapter five of a planned ten, and I really hope I don’t overshoot that by accident. It’s fun! It’s definitely more like the things I used to write when it comes to like... the actual angst/“whump” part because there’s a lot of that here, and I’m very really mean to readers with a couple of these cliffhangers. Chapter two and chapter four are especially rude, sorry.

I love all of it. I love that I get to write about people overcoming hardship and coming together and also beating the shit out of people who hurt their loved ones. I genuinely love what I’m writing now and I think it’s probably one of my best works and I’m glad that I decided to write it all out in advance before posting it because I feel like that gives me time to really perfect it. It also makes it easier to go back and seed plot elements through the prewritten chapters, which is helpful because I keep forgetting about a character and going back to make sure that they get to be there because they’re, y’know, the main protagonist of the show. (Don’t worry there is still a character arc and a story she has, it just gets lost in the shuffle a little because there are like... six storylines going on at once that need to intersect. I think six, anyway. There are a lot. Jeez, I think it may be closer to seven, counting the villains...)

Anyway please [Eric Andre “let me in” voice] show me support when I finally post it because I imagine the fandom will be relatively in brumation when I finally do all things considered. 

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

I refuse to write really short things, it has to be at least 1,000 words for some reason, but I do both! I prefer my longfics, I think they give me more time to write plot and flesh out characters, but I’ve found that a good median wordcount for me is...like...6,000 words? That’s usually what I fall on when I limit myself to something under 10,000 that has the potential for more than just 1-2,000 words. But I do like to read and write both! As evidenced by some of my current projects shaping up to be over 50,000 words at least if they haven’t already left that count in the dust by now (hi, Half Light, you stupidly long son of a bitch). 

And I am the hellish combination of both! I usually know at least how I want it to end, but the entire journey from A to B is a complete mystery to me. Sometimes I’ll have elements I want to incorporate or characters I want to include and I’ll plan for them but I will never, ever write down my outline. The only time I write down outlines it’s when I need to know the concrete timeline for something that’s set in the past or is taking major divergent choices or both (i.e., I made a timeline outline for Heartless leading up to when Eric approaches Dorothy, a timeline outline for Two of Spades when I eventually actually work on that, a timeline outline for what I nicknamed the “I’m no longer baby I want power AU,” etc). Literally every other time I am absolutely flying by the seat of my pants. I don’t know what I’d do without Hedgi who helps me plot at least half the things I write (at least for the fandoms she’s also in), usually after I try to write them and immediately get stuck like a puppy who tried to jump into a lake and found out the shoreline was actually just a bog.

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Oh, it really depends. I’m alright at nailing tags down, unless there are categories I want to use that don’t already have a set tag, but sometimes when I think of the concept for a fic it comes ready-made with a summary and I don’t have to think about that at all, or I’m directly inspired by a phrase/lyric/etc and I can just use that for the title and spend hours deliberating on a summary. Luckily for the project I’m working on now the conceit can just be the summary, and the title took a tiny bit of research but I knew what I wanted the bare bones to be and I just needed the actual names/terms. I do think in general, though, summaries are a smidge harder than titles for me. 

12. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

I really, really want to answer this one to talk about the different hidden references, relationship development, and foreshadowing that I baked into damn near every level of the big project I’ve been talking about because it’s in literally everything right down to the chapter titles (and there’s a hint to pay attention to them when you read, especially once we get to chapters 6-10, which I am extremely pumped to write), but I also really don’t want to spoil anything, so... time to be as numbingly vague as possible, I guess.

I’m foreshadowing that a character will develop powers by the final act, of course, but I’m also foreshadowing that a different character will not only develop them but use them to basically save the life of another character--and related to that, there is intense foreshadowing of a character using certain things to save someone else’s life at around the same time, which is not subtle at all if you know what you’re looking for (mainly because I slipped it into plain sight) but is part of some nice red herrings if I do say so myself. It also really makes me laugh that I decided to do some, um, “homophobia-shadowing,” where I just... imply that a character is homophobic. I dunno why I just think that’s a funny thing to do even if it has real repercussions for certain characters later. 

There’s some character development mixed that I’m really excited for because it allows a character to go in a completely different direction than they do in canon but in a way that I think still feels really right for them. This happens a couple times, actually, but this one in particular is something I knew had to happen the second I realized how to tie this plot thread back into everything else. I think it’s exactly what the character could’ve needed if this had gone down and I’m really excited to write it. The other character should’ve just been allowed to do this in canon because I think it would’ve fucking ruled.

Also, in everything I write that’s comics-based, whether it’s fic for the comic directly or for a show/movie using comics as source material, everything is a reference. That number code? That could be anything from the first time someone appeared in a comic mixed with the publishing date of the comic itself (i.e. if someone appeared for the first time in 1964 but the comic began publishing in 1959 I’ll use 6459 or 5964) to the creator’s date of birth. I think that I use famous writers of the character/potential creators of the character as street names or last names or aliases whenever I need to bring them up is a lot more obvious. Same with how I use writer/artist initials as “random letters” if I think a code would realistically have one mixed in--I just checked a document for an example of this and found “ADBP5519MWGK6419.”

I also reuse direct lines of dialogue if I think they fit the situation--for example, in Butterfly Effect I lifted the “World War I chic” line directly from Giffen’s Doom Patrol run, which I mentioned in the author’s note, and there’s dialogue in my current big project that’s a direct reference to/play on the “I wish you’d died instead of Mom” line in the JSA Infinite Crisis tie-in (Johns is a fuckin’ hack for that one though and it made no sense for what he used it for, a better line would’ve been “I bet you wish I’d died instead of Mom,” but we don’t have time for that), and I’ll probably directly reference dialogue from JSA/JSA at some point in chapter nine or chapter ten. (Think really hard about how that arc opens if it’s one you’re familiar with, lmao, and remember--there’s no time travel to undo things here!) 

[out-of-this-dimension]

I'm sorry if you've already talked about this before, but how far do you think Krystal's powers go?

No apologies necessary-- I LOVE talking about my favorite blue gal.

From a game perspective, Adventures mentions that she can channel magic power, even power that’s not really hers (she does this with the Krazoa throughout the game).  Andross’s whole plan hinges on the fact that Krystal can do this-- though it seems that the process itself was draining Krystal’s life force (though that’s probably because of the crystal she’s trapped in?  Or maybe the amount of power she was having to channel, idk).  (I might actually make a post about how this entire thing works because it’s really confusing and I’m not sure I wholly understand all of Krystal’s part in his master scheme myself.) So we can check “conduit” off the list-- I’m not sure what else to call that particular power but that’s what I’m going with.

Adventures also shows the possibility that she can implant telepathic messages into her staff-- although at a glance while it appears Krystal is doing that, part of me wonders how much of it is the staff doing the telepathy, not Krystal.  We already know the staff can choose people and the staff has a way of sensing magic caves nearby.  I’m not sure Krystal actually did much.  Maybe the staff has a voice recording feature to it that Fox just doesn’t know about?  We’ll... tentatively count this towards telepathy regardless.  I already did a small post on the staff (on my personal blog before I even made this blog) that can be found here .

Assault formally introduces Krystal as a telepath-- which from a meta perspective is supposed to function in lieu of Peppy’s boss battle tips in gameplay and from a meta/development/lore perspective was probably something Bandai decided to add into Krystal’s character because they saw that she already had the channeling power and probably telepathy a la staff recording message. So they decided to slap a name to it and expand upon it. Interestingly enough, despite being just a telepath, Krystal seems to be able to detect weak points and incoming enemy waves.  Now, we don’t really know if she’s hearing thoughts from enemies such as “Ah yisss, we’re about to get the jump on them!” or “Oh crap oh crap, I hope they don’t hit this Very Obvious and Clear Glowing Weak Point”, but given that a good portion of the enemies you face in Assault don’t seem to have much intelligent thought... ehhhh, I would say it’s entirely possible that she isn’t limited to just scanning people’s thoughts but also scanning their physical body via metaphysical means (it’s kind of hard to put into words-- maybe just like “sensing” what is a weak point). The thing is, even in Assault, they keep her powers still kind of vague so it’s hard to tell.

From the perspective of me as a person writing fics-  I tend to view Krystal not purely as a telepath but also an empath.  I do have a fic planned out where she deep dives into someone’s mind (not gonna say who but I’m hyped to write it) but such an endeavor would be something she would be unable to do on the fly, so to speak. Something like that would need a lot of energy and probably would have to be Krystal’s sole focus (meaning she couldn’t do this and pilot an Arwing at the same time).  I think her telepathy could go as far as digging into memories but I think the deeper you go, the more concentration/energy you would need to have.  So really?  Her powers go as far as she can physically withstand them to go.  And I would imagine there’s ways to replenish her magic, in maybe a similar way that you can replenish her staff’s magic meter.

I don’t really consider the staff’s abilities to be part of Krystal’s powers so I won’t list them here.  As far as I know (because nothing contradicts this yet in the series), magic in Star Fox works as it does in what we know of Dinosaur Planet (the game--not the planet itself) where anyone can seemingly do it with practice and knowledge.  That would be why Fox could pick up the staff and do magic things with it.

tl;dr here’s my list based off the games/my own personal headcanons (the ** denotes a mostly headcanon one):

Channel outside magic power 

Telepathy -- From as simple as reading current thoughts to as deep as meditating and breaking into a person’s mind.

Empath** -- Feeling/sensing people’s emotions in a deeper way than most.

Sensing** -- Being able to detect things about -insert any given object- like a weakness or a strength.

One thing I haven’t explored fully myself is how Krystal would use these powers... as Kursed.  But I’ve been poking at the idea for the past few days and some of the ideas I’ve had have been... welp.  I may have been inspired to write them down for future fic ideas.

WHEW this one turned out to be long.  Sorry for talking your ear off!

[boyfriem-moved]

the foxhole court bad

(aka the eden’s twilight chapter is gross, the thanksgiving chapter is also gross, andriel is an abusive ship, and nicky and andrew are two terrible people being terrible to each other, a passionate essay by a dude who’s real sick and tired of this garbage)

I was gonna try to reread the whole series so I could factually and definitively prove that tfc sucks once and for all but after 2 chapters I concluded that reading it again was killing my last 3 brain cells, so I stuck with rereading the worst two chapters and gathering a few other moments I thought were noteworthy, and we’re just gonna have to go from there. I’m gonna discuss a bunch of stuff so I’m putting the entire meta under the cut. Also! If you have no idea what tfc is and follow me for other reasons but are intrigued by my hatred I doubt you could get through this whole thing without being bored. I’ve made a couple short posts saying what’s wrong with tfc, most recently this one here, which you could read instead of this long ass mess. 

If you know nothing about tfc and still wanna read, trigger warning for mentions of drug abuse, rape, physical abuse, emotional/psychological abuse, sexual abuse (both of children and adults... well of one adult who was once a child), actually. all abuse. just. don’t read if you’re triggered by any general categories of abuse

You still here? So sorry about that. Now let’s get going! 

I can’t deny that there’s some sort of appeal to tfc. “Sports team for fucked up weirdos” is an interesting concept and one that can draw you in, if it’s done well. But Nora Sakavic thrives on shock value and can’t write to save her life, so it’s not done well. It’s done very, very badly. Now I’m not here to complain about the terrible writing (even though I could, believe me). I’m here to complain about how Nora writes like she gets into tumblr discourse with teenagers and makes anti blocklists. So we’ll just go in chronological order, because I think it makes the most sense that way. 

Eden’s Twilight

Up until the Eden’s Twilight chapter, the bad parts are more or less excusable. Andrew is...being Andrew, but the book has just begun, and as long as he doesn’t get any worse he’s bound to have some character development soon (which ha funny joke but we’re hopeful, the night’s still young). Nicky is likable and seemingly the good guy who’s said maybe a couple iffy things, Aaron isn’t noteworthy (and boy does he stay that way), and we haven’t seen much of Kevin’s “fun alcoholism” yet. 

And then there’s Eden’s Twilight.  The setup to the chapter has a couple interesting moments, most notably Nicky pushing Neil to take out his contacts despite the knowledge that it makes him deeply uncomfortable because everyone just bends to the fucking whim of Andrew apparently (a running theme that I’ll get to later) and a gross bit of setup where Nicky comes onto Neil and Andrew threatens to kill him. 

“...his happy expression faltered when he got a good look at Neil. “Oh man. Neil, you clean up good. Can I say that, or is that against the rules? Just--damn. Aaron, don’t let me get too drunk tonight.” (tfc pg 129)

(Nicky is an adult with a fiancee who he allegedly loves. Neil is 18. Just in case anyone’s forgotten.)

Then they go and buy some drugs! Nora shows a worrying misunderstanding of how drug withdrawal works (Nora do even one ounce of research for your shitty book please ma’am I’m begging you) and they buy some drugs with vague side effects (I have no idea if the stuff they take is based off real world drugs and I’d rather not find out) in a scene that seems unrealistic but I couldn’t tell you for sure (never bought drugs. not about to ask the people in my life who have.). They buy their drugs, Andrew takes some drugs, Nora continues to know nothing about withdrawal, they go to a nightclub! The night is still young!

And now comes the big problem area. 

Their nightclub adventures begin with a complicit bartender who says, “Back so soon, Andrew? Who’s your newest victim?” (tfc pg 133). On a later page it’s established that the bartender was spiking Neil’s drinks and fully aware of everything the siblings planned to do (as is routine with them? apparently?) so. Fun guy. 

They do some drugs, drink some alcohol. Neil refuses to do both. Andrew and Nicky are adamant about him doing drugs with them, but he refuses, so they concede. 

“Drink with us if you won’t dust with us,” Nicky said, holding his open packet in one hand and his shot in the other. 

And Neil does. Because there’s no reason not to, really. Andrew’s gang accepted it when he said he didn’t drink. They’ve so far not forced him to do anything he doesn’t want to. He watched the bartender pour his drink. He has no reason to suspect he won’t be fine. 

So, of course, his drink is drugged, and Andrew, Aaron, and Nicky hold him down as he tries to run away. The twins force him onto the dance floor, then leave him with Nicky, reigning defender for World’s Most Predatory Man. 

“Bodies and lights blurred around him, making Neil nauseous. He clawed bloody lines down Nicky’s arm as he fought to get free. Nicky didn’t let go until they’d reached the middle of the dance floor. He pulled Neil up against him and caught Neil’s chin in his fingers to force his head back.  Nicky’s kiss was harder than Neil expected it to be, and there was more than just tongue in it. Beneath the burn of vodka Nicky shared with him was the sweet tang of cracker dust. Neil didn’t mean to swallow, but it hurt too much to hold it in his mouth.  “This is how the game goes,” Nicky said against his lips. “Stop fighting if you want to survive.” (tfc pg 136)

Nicky is a good guy of the story. Not only that, he’s a fan favorite character. This isn’t even a chapter people gloss over to glorify their faves, either. People often point to this chapter and the surrounding scenes as one of the series’ most iconic moments. Neil’s night ends with him paying a bartender to knock him unconscious to put an end to the drugged abuse, which can be found near the top of pretty much everyone’s “top ten iconic Neil Josten moments” lists.  This scene is fucking disgusting. He’s forcefully assaulted, allowed and encouraged by Andrew, who’s supposedly the force keeping Nicky in line, and who told him earlier in the chapter not to try anything. Aaron and Kevin are complicit in this, as is the bartender. As are the rest of the team members and Coach Wymack, even if it’s to a far lesser extent, because though they’re horrified that Andrew and his gang brought Neil to the club, they’re not surprised. For people who seemed to know it was coming, they did an awfully lax job of keeping Neil safe though they claim that’s their top priority, and Wymack hardly reprimands Andrew. And no one even shifts blame towards Nicky, despite the fact that he’s the worst person here out of all of them.

People tend to ignore Nicky in general when it comes to how bad of people all these characters are. Which is weird, because Nicky is a horrific predator, and this scene can’t be excused. Though he never assaults Neil again, he continues to be interested in him up until his lackluster apology (which, by the way, does not excuse his actions in this chapter so fuck off if you’re gonna say it does), and it’s pretty clearly implied that he only stops flirting uncomfortably with Neil (who, side note, is still barely not a child) because Andrew forces him to, and not because of any personal growth. 

This should be the end of my explanation of why these books are terrible. Writing a scene like this, in which the assaulters are the good guys of the story and will, throughout the next three books, improve as people by exactly 0%, is reprehensible. There’s no coming back from that. But some of you obviously disagree, so let’s keep going. 

There’s more scenes like this, one in particular, but I’m gonna talk about it later. My point is just that “token gay character is a blatant predator” is not a good look, especially when written by a straight woman.

Thanksgiving

Nora Sakavic would not know how to write a rape victim if one punched her in the face and told her she was a horrible writer. I wish I didn’t have to say more. But I obviously do, so let’s go. 

(as always: necessary disclaimer that I am not a csa survivor and if anyone out there is and disagrees with me I’m more than willing to hear you out, however, i don’t think it takes one to tell that Nora Sakavic is a Fraud And Hack) 

This one wasn’t quite as hard to reread as the Eden’s Twilight chapter, probably because even though the acts are worse, it doesn’t have a bad message overall. The rapist is, thank god, the bad guy in this one. 

It does, however, have problems. Because Nora is still unable to write about serious issues without incorporating scenes purely for the purpose of shock value. 

Like, y’all, it’s really not hard to say “this character was raped as a child and has problems with consent and intimacy because of it”. You don’t need to bring the rapist into the story and have them rape the character again only for the main characters to walk in on it and kill the rapist with a lacrosse racket. 

Oh yeah, spoilers, that’s exactly what happens.  

The chapter starts out fine. If anything, it’s tame for a chapter of a book out of The World’s Most Unnecessarily Over The Top Book Series. 

The basic setup is: Nicky’s parents have invited him and the twins home for Thanksgiving after being estranged for 5 years. Andrew refuses to go. He won’t tell anyone why, but after a talk with him Neil learns that it’s because he was raped by his stepbrother and when he confided in Nicky’s dad about it, Nicky’s dad told him it was a misunderstanding. 

Y’all know what that is? Perfectly fucking adequate writing. We learn this thing about Andrew’s past. He has, for probably the only time in this entire series, adequate motivation to do something. But Ms. Sakavic, known Fraud And Hack, said fuck that. We need more. We need to really know what Andrew went through. “Like in a longer conversation sequence?” Someone sensible asked. Nora shook her head. “Like in the second worst scene I have ever written because I am a Fraud And Hack.” 

So they go to Nicky’s house for Thanksgiving! This also gives Nora a chance to remind us all that she is a straight woman and Nicky is a gay stereotype. Andrew is on edge the entire time, but Neil manages to keep him under control for the most part. Then we learn that Nicky’s dad invited Andrew’s rapist ex-stepbrother to the house. And than they’re upstairs together. Alone. 

So y’know, Neil and Aaron run upstairs, break down the door, there’s a page and a half of description of the scene of Andrew about to get raped before their very eyes, Aaron kills the rapist with a lacrosse stick (exy stick, whatever), and scene. I’m not gonna quote this one, because I don’t wanna make anyone read it, but it runs roughly from page 215-220 of The Raven King if you wanna see for yourself. Highly recommend against it. It’s nasty. 

This is a chapter that goes from 0-100 in pretty much too seconds. Someone should probably tell Nora that forcing Andrew to have dinner with the man who discredited his rape is enough digging up of his traumatic past. We don’t need to go deeper. She can stop now. She should stop now. We know Andrew’s history of csa at this point. If Nora thought that wasn’t enough, there are a million ways she could go more in depth without doing this. This scene doesn’t even go more in depth. In terms of advancements in the story, all that happens is that Aaron, Kevin, and Nicky find out about Andrew’s past (something that could have happened in so many different ways) and Aaron kills a man (which doesn’t actually matter because it takes no toll on him and is never mentioned again because nora is a fraud and hack). I was appalled and horrified the first time I read it, and rightly so, because that’s it’s only purpose. 

And putting a rape scene in a book for the sole purpose of shocking your readers is just a nasty thing to do. 

Bonus Point: Riko Moriyama Is An Evil Monster And That’s Bad Even If He Is The Villain 

Riko’s an evil monster! Yeah! Obviously! We’re glad he died! He sucks! But...he’s a very badly written evil monster, and I don’t feel like unpacking all of him, but I just want to point to a couple scenes towards the end of The Raven King real quick since they fit with the whole “Nora don’t write about rape like this” theme. 

I’m not gonna quote this one either because it’s Real Gross. But basically, Riko convinces Neil to spend winter break with him by telling him that he arranged for Andrew to get raped over Thanksgiving, and that if Neil doesn’t comply with his terms, he’s paid off one of the doctors at the psych ward Andrew is staying in and will get that doctor to rape him again. 

So that didn’t...need to happen. It’s quite frankly disgusting that Nora wrote all this (the language in this scene is very explicit). It’s disgusting that she couldn’t think of any other way to portray her villain as evil. This is bad writing. Riko doesn’t need to be cartoonishly villainous. It’s unnecessary, it’s over the top, and it’s sickening to read. 

Also? That scene at the end of The Raven King where Riko handcuffs Neil to the bed and like...stabs him and it’s never said he rapes him but he definitely rapes him because Nora’s predatory subtext is more obvious than a slap in the face? That didn’t need to happen either. 

Andriel is a terrible ship, Nora you FRAUD AND HACK

So Andrew and Neil get together in the last book, because every series written by a straight woman needs a super unhealthy gay relationship for fangirls to call cute.

(This one is...weird because a lot of the fanbase are gay themselves, but I’ve heard there’s gay people who like the captive prince too so. i guess it just be like that sometimes.)

I don’t have time to comb through the entire book looking through problematic moments, and I wouldn’t want to. I’m just gonna grab a couple noteworthy scenes in what I hope will make an adequate outline of this fucked up relationship. 

The Foxhole Court starts by setting up a running theme of Everyone Disrespecting Neil’s Boundaries All The Time with Wymack, Andrew, and Kevin coming to his high school and refusing to leave until he agrees to sign on with their Not Lacrosse team. His first meeting with Andrew is when Andrew hits him with a lacrosse racket to forcibly stop him from leaving the locker room, a pretty good encapsulation of the sort of person Andrew is. They spent the next three books allegedly falling in love.

Neil establishes boundaries. Andrew breaks them.

“I don’t need to be persuasive,” Andrew said, putting a hand to Neil’s chest as the elevator slowed to a stop. “You’ll just learn to do what I say.” 

This is on page 33 of tfc, during their second meeting. Andrew establishes that he’s controlling and manipulative pretty damn early. 

A list of other “romantic and iconic” Andriel moments include:

Andrew breaks into Neil’s room and goes through his belongings

Andrew drugs Neil and allows Nicky to assault him (after threatening to kill Nicky if he tried anything??) because he doesn’t trust him

Andrew uses threats of sharing personal information to force Neil to tell him secrets

Andrew is repeatedly physically violent (their first meeting, beating him up at Eden’s Twilight)

Andrew tells Neil’s secrets to the team psychiatrist, knowing full well it’s a betrayal of Neil’s trust

Andrew delights in Neil’s fear and goes out of his way for most of tfc to make him fear for his safety

Andrew didn’t look at Wymack. “Neil wants to come with me.”  A day ago, those words might have been an order or a threat, but today Neil heard only truth. He’d chosen the Foxes. He’d chosen to trust Andrew, whatever that meant and whatever consequences it brought down the road. (tfc pg. 152)

After that quote the moments are harder to spot (read: I reread less of trk and none of tkm so I don’t have any bookmarks to turn to), but they are still there. The last moment there is from trk, so the abuse doesn’t stop, I’m just too exhausted to keep looking. 

And let me be clear, that quote is barely consent. Andrew physically and psychologically abuses Neil into the position he’s in when he surrenders and sides with Andrew on page 152.  This scene takes place right after Eden’s Twilight, and above all of what went down there, Neil has just been forced into telling Andrew more personal information than he’s ever told anyone. After a night of abuse he feels trapped, like resistance is futile, so he gives in. Saying he wants to be part of Andrew’s crew doesn’t count as consent when his hand is being forced. 

Even though scenes towards the end of the series show Neil beginning to learn how to control Andrew and the two of them coming to stand on a more level ground, their relationship is one built on abuse and violence, and it’s important not to forget that. It’s unrealistic that Neil would come to trust Andrew, honestly. And having the abusive, more mature character give Neil his first ever relationship and teach him that he’s gay (or bi, or whatever he is) is not a good look. Especially when this book has everything else I’ve already mentioned. Especially when Nora is, once again, a grown ass straight woman. 

Nicky And Andrew Are Two Terrible People Being Terrible To Each Other And Actually I Hate Both Of Them 

So Nicky’s predatory and Andrew is violent and their relationship is as unhealthy as can get. Andrew’s relationships with Nicky and Aaron are both unhealthy, but Aaron’s much less so, so I’m just gonna get into Nicky today because I’ve been writing for almost 3 hours and I kinda wanna die right about now. 

We’ve already established that I don’t like either of them. But let me be clear, it takes a lot for me to admit that Andrew “knives hidden up my sleeves” Minyard is right in any situation. And yet, in pretty much any situation where he threatens Nicky, it’s easy to see him as the good guy, at least up until a certain point. 

Andrew is a bad person. He’s violent and manipulative and has no regard for people’s boundaries. Nicky is arguably worse, painting himself as the peacemaker while being horrifically predatory. 

(A point on Nicky: Nora spends pretty much all of the first book showing Nicky as predatory, then abandons it entirely for the next two books, making it easy to forget the kind of person he is. Just because the predatory behavior stops doesn’t excuse it. Just because Nora thinks one lousy apology makes Nicky a good person suddenly, doesn’t mean it does.)

I’m gonna paste in a pretty massive chunk of text from the foxhole court, but I think it’s all important, so bear with me. 

“Andrew is scary territorial of him. He punched me the first time I said I’d like to get Kevin too wasted to be straight.” Nicky pointed at his face, presumably where Andrew had decked him. “So yeah, I’m going to crush on safer targets until Andrew gets bored of him. That means you, since Matt’s taken and I don’t hate myself enough to try Seth. Congrats.” “Can you take the creepy down a level?” Aaron asked. “What?” Nicky asked. “He said he doesn’t swing, so obviously he needs a push.” ... “Nicky’s scheming to rape Neil,” Aaron said. “There are a couple flaws in his plan he needs to work out first, but he’ll get there sooner or later.” “You’re such an asshole,” Nicky said as he started for the door. “Wow, Nicky,” Andrew said. “You start early.” “Can you really blame me?” ... Andrew caught Nicky’s jersey in one hand and threw him hard up against the wall... “Hey Nicky,” Andrew said in stage-whisper German. “Don’t touch him, you understand?”  “You know I’d never hurt him. If he says yes-”  “I said no.”  Jesus, you’re greedy,” Nicky said. “You already have Kevin, what does it-” He went silent, but it took Neil a moment to realize why. Andrew had a short knife pressed to Nicky’s jersey...Neil knew Andrew meant it. If Nicky so much as breathed wrong right now, Andrew would cut his lungs to ribbons, any and all consequences be damned. 

 So there’s a lot to unpack there. I loose Andrew at the point where he’s ready to murder, but though he’s extreme as fuck, it’s not like he’s unjustified. We learn later from his backstory why he’s so extreme in shutting down any behavior he sees predatory, and rightfully so. (Even though there’s still Eden’s Twilight soon after this... it’s Nora’s incompetent writing isn’t it.) Nicky is a creep. He’s an adult. He has a fiance. And he’s talking about how he’s going to coerce a teenager into having sex with him because he won’t tell him his sexuality. 

He says he wouldn’t do anything without consent, but we know that’s not true. He’s just saying what Andrew wants to hear. 

And as for Andrew, though his violence is excused by backstory and mental problems, it’s a big fucking deal. He nearly killed his cousin, who we know he feels at least some sort of fondness for, because it’s established at this point that the reason he’s so heavily medicated is for attacking men who threatened Nicky. Would he regret it later? It’s impossible to say. He killed Aaron’s mom and assumed Aaron would be grateful. He’s threatened or attacked pretty much every member of the Not Lacrosse team. And I honestly don’t know what Nora is trying to tell us about him. He gets tamer once he’s permanently off his medication, but he was violent before it. I suppose that’s because by then Neil has learned how to calm him down, but is that the message? Abuse a boy into hanging out with you and eventually he’ll be a boyfriend who knows how to deal with you? 

Nicky is a predator and Andrew is a violent abuser and neither of them are the good guys and that’s the only conclusion I can possibly draw from the way they’re written. 

Assorted noteworthy moments that didn’t fit into any larger part: 

the part in trk where Nicky’s parents are homophobic and he tells them he loves his fiance and this is the moment that’s supposed to make us sympathize with him? “The sexual predator has homophobic Christian parents feel sad for him” nice try Nora but he’s not getting shit in the way of sympathy from me, your straight is showing

the part in tfc when Seth says the f-slur is bad because uh. Nora that’s not your word to say

bonus Nicky is predatory bit: Nicky waggled a hand at Aaron. “Quick, have we said anything totally incriminating these past few months?” “Aside from your endless inappropriate comments about what you’d like to do to [Neil], I don’t think so.” (tfc pg 239) 

Kevin is also manipulative! I felt like covering it would be a bit of a rehash of Andrew and this was getting really long but he continually uses exy as leverage to get Neil to do things he feels will put him in danger the same way Andrew uses threats of sharing his secrets. 

bonus bonus Nicky is predatory bit (I’m discovering more and more as I go): Nicky’s stare was appreciative when Neil returned, but for once he kept his mouth shut. (tfc pg 243) Is this supposed to be character growth? Being predatory without explicitly saying anything is barely better Nora!! (Side note, in this same scene Nicky does make a comment about Neil jacking off in the bathroom stall which? Seems kinda bad considering everything else with him?)

I didn’t touch on it very much because no one cares about it and it’s way harder to convince people poor writing about drug abuse is bad than poor writing about sexual assault is bad (even though it shouldn’t be, and i could have tried both but again. long post) but Nora’s attitude to drugs and alcohol is bad. Every character and their mom is addicted to something, with Kevin and Andrew being the most obvious touched on (also Seth but I don’t think anyone cares about him), and Nora’s attitude towards writing it is quite frankly disgusting. She’s offensively misinformed and it pisses me off to no end. But that’s a rant for another day.

Every sex scene between Neil and Andrew is gross. (I think there’s two of them from what I remember? At least two, maybe more.) I googled plenty and I couldn’t find Nora’s age anywhere, but I know for a fact that she’s an adult, and I also know the series took her 13 years to write, so I’m fairly sure she’s at least in her 30s. 

I know I said I wasn’t gonna complain about bad writing but. It’s so bad y’all, and I honestly think it gets worse as the books go along. Every time Neil monologued it took a year off my life. 

So yeah. There’s a lot that’s fucked up about the foxhole court. And the worst part of it is that it never gets better. Andrew makes marginal improvement, but Nicky never does. Nora writes shock value scenes until the series end (I didn’t write about the scene in tkm where Neil gets tortured because it’s the same shock value effect of the thanksgiving chapter in a different sort of way but it’s also bad). I am of the honest belief that this book is far too fucked up to salvage. This is my official tfc bad masterpost, because every time I criticize it someone wants to know more. But I’m also putting it in the fandom tags because it annoys me to no end that y’all support these books, and I’m hoping I can at least change someone���s mind. 

[trulycertain]

Alistair’s Parentage, and why I go a bit Tru Smash

OK, it’s time to talk about why I aggressively dislike the “Alistair’s bloodline” retcons and how they come up in the comics. *sigh* I do try to keep this a positivity blog, but I thought as character arc analysis it might be worth saying. I’ll just thank @aphreal42, @celeritassagittae, @withthebreezesblown, @nanahuatli, a few others. I know we’ve talked about this.

*coughs, shuffles papers* Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Sorry again about the... everything.

On Maric

I was frustrated to see the centering of Maric in the comics, and mention of the hunt for him in Inquisition. It’s something that happens even if you’ve kept Alistair a Warden. And this is my question: Why?

I mean, why should Alistair be hunting for the father who couldn’t be bothered to raise him, when it’s not going to save Ferelden or Thedas? Yes, there’s some vagueness about it, an unrealistic dream of “maybe Maric can go on the throne and be better at it than me,” but that just makes it look like he hasn’t been allowed to learn anything or adapt as king, that he’s still desperately running from it, that he’s still reduced to his bloodline rather than his own choices and personal growth. 

We’ve had this arc of him desperately trying to abdicate responsibility of any kind; we had it in Origins, when he was twenty and green. It’s been ten years. Often, smart, perceptive people like Alistair grow rather a lot in ten years, despite or even because of their own fears.

So we’re right back to the daddy issues. And back to the bloodline. Healing is not always a linear process, but it cannot, by definition, go backwards and plonk you right back to the progress you’d made ten years ago. That’s not healing, and it’s not an arc - it’s a circle. Narratively, it’s not a very interesting circle, either. 

The frustrating thing? BioWare’s story folk can do realistic, beautiful “healing is not linear and sometimes people have days where they look back and want to undo everything because oh god what if they got it wrong” arcs about parentage. See Dorian’s or Hawke’s. Both of those have some big issues (I will never, for instance, be comfortable with how much you can hide from Dorian, or how heavily you can push him towards reconciliation, and have issues with that being a player choice at all), but they’re far more emotionally genuine and allow for nuance. More on that later.

Why do Maric’s growth and arc, considering he’s basically been dead for nigh-on fifteen years by the time of the Silent Grove comics, have to come at the expense of Alistair’s?

And why do we assume Alistair needs dragon blood to be awesome, when he’s been awesome pretty much forever for reasons of his own choosing?

(And OK, this one just bugs me for petty reasons: why does Maric have a less-fun version of Alistair’s self-deprecating humour in the novels? (Though all right, quite fond of the bit about falling off horses; forgive the nested brackets.) There’s a clear “like father, like son” thing there, but they met... what? Twice? Three times? I’m just fascinated by a fantasy world where there exists an “awkward quips” gene, because I must have it in spades.)

On Fiona

Fiona herself is a mid-tier character I don't mind. She has some interesting aspects but we don't see enough of her for me to have a strong opinion. Even the novels are a bit half-baked and inconclusive on her arc.

Fiona as a character with difficult choices to make and ambiguous, pragmatic motivations? Yeah, OK. She’s not one of my favourite DA chars, because she barely appears and unlike Maric, we’re not given much after-the-fact canon, dialogue and extra codices on her (*sigh*, because Daddy Issues are always more important), but she works. Fiona as a Very Special Warden Who Got Blight-Cured and another aspect of Alistair’s "well, he can't just be normal" story? Goodness no. It does both characters a disservice.

The only aspect that interested me with Alistair’s king-as-father relationship was the class stuff and the terror of responsibility. Other than “a fascination with magic” (which I find way more interesting as something he developed himself, as a non-mage but one with basic empathy and a curious mind), Fiona's motherhood hasn't really contributed much to his arc. The deep loneliness was there already. Yes, he has one more person who let him down for at the time seemingly justified reasons. OK. We’ve heard that... a lot of times already.

So Fiona, who already had a serviceable story arc of her own, ends up with it partly centred around Alistair’s for... reasons? I guess? in order to prop up his story, but not to do it in any way that really affects it or offers closure and just makes a hash of hers?

Narratively, I simply don't get why he has to be her kid, or be a half-elf. My interest is in how utterly bloody ordinary he is, because that's what makes him special. Both the "my bloodline is ultraspecial because Maric" and "my bloodline is ultraspecial because Fiona" stories bored me equally. He for all intents and purposes still looks human, and his story already has a pretty big focus on oppression. There’s no reason to pile “have we also mentioned half-elf and abandoned by one more person” on top of it. It’s just... overseasoning.

On Alistair

For me, the entire appeal of Alistair’s arc was that he made himself. His pain and his abuse were a major part of his story, but he chose strength. He chose to centre himself around being a Warden, around helping people. Someone who went through that could have easily wanted to watch the world burn, but he didn’t. He is not his parents, or his blood. That's not why his story is interesting.

Growing up, Alistair’s most formative influence wasn’t his parents; it was the lack of them. Or of family in general. 

If you want to pick major figures in his life, I suppose Maric could be one of them. Fiona? No, he isn’t even allowed to know she exists.

The formative influences we’re given, ones he remembers and mentions and seem to have imparted lessons:

Duncan, the almost-father he idolises, and the first person to believe in him

The idea - rather than the reality - of his mother, a serving-maid whose death he blames himself for; he clings to the idea she would have loved him, hence the amulet

Eamon, who was the nearest thing he had to a father and left him, which clearly affected him, and who continues trying to use him, albeit maybe with some real concern in there

Isolde, who helped seal that he was a dangerous tool or leverage, not a person, and started the chain of events that led to the Chantry

Teagan, who was ultimately ineffectual but made him hope for more, and was one of the few sources of kindness in his life

The Chantry bullies, perhaps

Goldanna, who reinforced that “you’re nothing but an inconvenience” mentality and was his last hope of a loving family

The Wardens, who were the nearest thing he had to a family

The people he meets during the Blight, the Warden in particular but definitely Morrigan, Leliana, Zev and the dog, who all make him question different aspects of himself and broaden his horizons a little

There are a ton of stories to tell there, and certainly, the Warden and their relationship with him - good, bad, indifferent - gets the spotlight, as do Eamon and Teagan. Heck, even Cailan gets a look-in, and Duncan has his moment. So why, ten years later, are we back to the twin spectres of Maric and Fiona?

Look... making an abused, neglected kid still be defined and unable to get away from the parents that walked out of his life, and not letting him have his own story? I don't know, that... bugs me. To put it mildly. OK, I’m probably overstating it and drawing parallels where there shouldn’t be, but it does rather feel like that’s the case. This way, he's never allowed progress, growth or agency. And I just... can't. I can't enjoy a story like that, it's too bloody sad and cheap.

He was an neglected kid who was told, over and over, that he deserved the bare minimum. When you've had no love at all, even a half-hearted grain of it is enough. And that has defined his story so much, but there are other stories to tell with him; one of the reasons I like him is his complexity. I want it to stop defining his story. He shouldn’t have to be hunting that family spectre. It may be something that still hurts him, which would be realistic enough, but it’s not all he is, and it’s not what he is to Thedas.

We have so many stories out there where kids are defined by difficult parents. We have so many reconciliation storylines about the sins of families being forgiven, or accepted. (See also: Dorian’s story, depending on how you play it, and definitely Hawke and Leandra’s. I could write a whole meta post on those.) 

How about some counter-narratives? Maybe the world needs more “Sometimes family isn’t a matter of blood, and sometimes your parents didn’t do enough and it’s OK to walk away from the unanswered questions. You’re not broken or static, you still have stories to tell, and you can still grow” arcs. Because life isn’t a Hallmark card, blood doesn’t equal love, and, to quote Dorian on this one, “Sometimes love isn’t enough.” That could be a healthier, more realistic kind of fiction, but also a more interesting one.

...OK, now I’m getting off-track.

tl;dr: I am totally with Alistair that his bloodline is the least interesting thing about him. You go guy.

[mittensmorgul]

My boyfriend admitted yesterday after finally watching 13.1 that Dean and Cas DO love each other. He has no doubt in his mind that if Cas were female, Destiel would have happened. BUT he sees Dean as straight and doesn't believe anything could happen with Cas in Jimmy's body. I told him that this is heteronormative bi erasure and that as a bisexual, I find it offensive that he makes that assumption. What if these sorts of casual viewer opinions keep Destiel from ever happening? I'm losing hope.

Hi there! And congrats to your boyfriend for seeing the love there. :D

First off, no offense to straight dudes, but the straight dude I’ve been married to for 20 years has absolutely no sense of bifi. Or gaydar. I mean, if he sees two dudes kissing at Pride he’d pick up on it (and there are a few famous people who came out that he wasn’t surprised at all about– George Michael, Rob Halford, he was shocked that anyone was shocked…), but when it comes to closeted bisexuals who deliberately do not want to be detected, especially the way Dean performs dudebro heterosexuality as well as Dean does especially in early seasons, he just has no clue.

*insert that gif of Sam telling Dean he’s overcompensating*

The things about Dean that have been screamingly obvious because I relate to them from personal experience just don’t register to a straight dude who has never once questioned his sexuality (like Sam, for instance). To a person who has experienced it first-hand, a lot of Dean’s behavior reads as signal flares as bright as day. If it were only used for the occasional joke, or rare random things that didn’t fit into a much larger pattern, or if it were just enough to make me sit up and notice once or twice a season, I’d assume it was just a coincidence. But… it’s not a rare random occurrence. It’s something we see in nearly every episode, more and more blatantly as the seasons progress.

I tell everyone to read this:

http://destielhiseyesopened.tumblr.com/post/102023741956/slash-and-subtext-series

It’s a lot to read, yes, but it’s incredibly thorough and the sort of thing your neck will be sore from nodding along in agreement the entire time. :P

As for whether or not the show will go there, which NONE of us can say for sure, the one thing I can say for sure is that it will not be casual viewer opinions that will influence Dabb’s storytelling. He’s said it multiple times, that he’s going to tell this story his way, whatever that might mean in the end. Dude’s not telling. I mean, look at him:

So while it’s great to have hope, because we DESERVE representation in blatant and clear terms, there is no guarantee that we will actually GET it. I mean, that is a very real possibility. It’s why I personally don’t watch the show with any expectation for ANYTHING, you know? Then every new hint that they are taking this somewhere is a pleasant surprise. For me, watching from the standpoint that I EXPECT a certain outcome is just not an enjoyable way to live. It’s just too much to stress about.

And as I’ve said over and over again, just like Dabb, I personally couldn’t give a flying fuck with the mysterious “general audience” sees when they watch the show. I watch because of what *I* see in the show, because I like analyzing the story, writing meta (with the friendly reminder that “meta” has exactly zero to do with predicting the future of the story… that’s speculation, and aside from being able to read obvious twists and turns in near-future plot points, or understanding general character development arcs and where they could potentially be headed in vague general ways, I DO NOT ENJOY SPECULATION, especially when it involves the sort of detail that a lot of more casual fans seem to expect of meta writers. I AM TIRED OF FOLKS HAVING THE IMPRESSION THAT SPECULATION AND POSITIVITY FOR THE FUTURE OF THE SERIES AND CHARACTERS IS “”””META”””” BECAUSE IT ABSOLUTELY IS NOT.

Sorry for yelling, I needed to put that out there. Comments of “I love your meta!” when referring to headcanons and speculation about endgame destiel is just… missing the entire point. The meta is the long academic character analysis, the comparisons with the current arc to past canon, the examination of episodes THAT ARE ALREADY PART OF CANON. Looking to the future to make guesses about what COULD happen in the future is SPECULATION. NOT META.

I’m so tired of people who do not understand that giving meta writers hate and dismissing EVERYTHING we’ve written because a “prediction” didn’t come true on the show exactly as someone wrote it… A guess of what will happen in the future that doesn’t quite pan out doesn’t invalidate all the ACTUAL meta we’ve all written over the years. Because just like pr is not showrunning, speculation isn’t meta.

*even when the speculation is attached to the bottom of a really long meta post. The speculation bit isn’t the tl;dr of the post. it’s the interesting and fun little bonus bit after you’ve consumed the factual part of the analysis. It’s the little blop of whipped cream on top of the pie that is the actual important content. It’s mostly decorative and just a bit of fun.*

Thanks, this has been a meta writer PSA.)

The point of all that is that none of us have a crystal ball, none of us have some secret insider information into Andrew Dabb’s brain. Despite the fact that we’ve been watching his storytelling over the last 8+ years (yes, he’s been writing for the show since s4, and has written more episodes of Supernatural than any other writer, so we have A LOT of history to look over, not to mention all of s12 and the back ~third~ at least of s11 after he silently took over the showrunning from Carver to look at when trying to understand his pet themes and how he writes), the best we can do is make educated guesses.

I’m not basing my hope for canon on some ability to read the future, I’m basing it on MY ability to look at the entirety of extant canon and be objectively logical about where the story started, where the story is NOW, and as far as individual character development arcs based on having watched them all evolve over twelve plus seasons already…

Well, let’s just say that for *me,* I can see the characters have been on a logical emotional progression over the course of the entire series (that would be the “meta” part of things). As new canon unfolds, and characters continue to develop and interpersonal storylines continue to evolve… here’s a metaphor. The writers are walking the characters down a long hallway with loads of doorways open to potential future development arcs. As they walk past each doorway and don’t veer off course, it’s like they’re closing off logical possibilities to detour into alternate routes. They’re slamming and locking those doors up forever. The closer we get to the end of canon (in whatever nebulous future that the series will reach its end, and NONE of us know when that will be right now), the fewer doorways are left to walk past, and the less logical any detour from what looks (again, from reading the meta and looking back at the entirety of past canon) like the steady progression of development would be.

Does that make sense? I mean, they’re writing themselves into a corner (or into the end of the hallway where there’s only going to be one last exit door to walk through). But again, as long as there’s still hallway ahead of us, they could take an “easier” route or just decide to stop walking altogether and just sort of set up camp at their current point in character development. It wouldn’t really be sensible for the STORY as it stands right now for them to do either of these things, because if they start backtracking looking for a different door the entire narrative falls apart. Whatever they do, they must keep writing forward.

*stops and scrolls up and cries a lil bit at how much I wrote*

Point is, we just don’t know. I’m hopeful, I feel like we DESERVE to be seen and this love story absolutely DESERVES canon acknowledgement for what it is, and that every sign in past canon and every sign the writers are continuing to carry on down this hallway is pointing to it happening at some distant point in the future… but as of right now none of us have any idea what that eventual resolution will look like. What even is canon?

I mean, your boyfriend said he sees that Dean and Cas love each other. Is that canon? What would “qualify” as being legitimately canon? I love @bluestar86′s spec post about how easy it would be to make Dean’s bisexuality textually canon, but I have no idea if we’d ever get an episode stating it so blatantly. We might, though. We did have Dean asking a gay married couple what it was like settling down with another hunter…

The point is, even trying to speculate on what will happen in the future– especially something so unknowable and distant as “endgame,” is honestly impossible. We have no idea what will happen in canon between now and then in specific terms. In the meantime, I’m perfectly content to point and flail at what is actually happening in canon right now and paying exactly zero attention to what “casual viewers” think they’re watching.

I know exactly what I’m watching, and I love it.

Will they ever make it undeniably obvious and clear in canon? I mean, it is undeniably obvious and clear to *me* but everyone has their own personal biases and wishes and checklists of things they feel must happen, and no matter if the series ends with Dean and Cas getting married there will still always be people who deny it was “enough” to make their relationship obvious, you know? I just… don’t have the energy to deal with that level of denialism. It just stresses me out to worry about what “endgame” might look like specifically when as far as we know, “endgame” isn’t even on the table yet.

So by all means, if you can, take that small step back and try and enjoy the continuing story, and don’t put too much stock in anyone’s opinion of what may or may not happen in the future. But most of all, don’t put much much stock in what random straight dudes in the general audience think. Because Andrew Dabb doesn’t. :P

Wow okay that turned into a treatise…

[rumdaydreams]

meta|☠—— Disability and Killian’s Hand

Under the cut because this got LONG. But, god, anyone who wants to RP with me and not tick me off should honestly read this because it is so fucking important.

I wanted to put this up because it’s an important part of Killian’s character and why I play Killian.

( Disclaimer: As much as I love Colin and OUAT, the way he and the show portray a person who only has use of one hand is largely inaccurate and really does bother me and that’s honestly the reason for this. )

Background

This is the part when I jump the gun on something I’ve been working on and hope my superstitious ass hasn’t ruined it.

I’m an honor scholar at my university and as such, I am required to produce a thesis, or final project, on research I’ve conducted over the course of my undergraduate career. I’m getting to the jumping the gun part now--I am officially supposed to announce my thesis topic this April--I am going to bring it up here, though, because it pertains to what I’m about to talk about ( even though I swore myself to secrecy on it until April ).

My thesis topic is William Carlos Williams’s poetry of stroke. And yes, before I continue, I know that stroke manifests differently for people, there are a variety of stroke types that indicate differing causes and effects of the “stroke.” The stroke types my thesis focuses on are apoplectic stroke and transient ischemic attacks because those were the type Williams experienced. This is all to say--at age 66, Williams lost the use of his left arm as a result of stroke. My research deals with the manifestation of that change in his poetry. And again, let me draw more of a background for you--I am researching this topic because my mother suffered an apoplectic stroke at age 7, the damage left her with hemiplegia--she is paralyzed on the entire right side of her body and, thus, has use of only one hand. While her paralysis does extend to her leg, physical therapy in her teen years has given her improved motor skills in all but her arm--she can walk, the only blatant disability she has now is a fully paralyzed arm. I have grown up in a household that accepted her form of “disability” as the norm. I know, from watching and speaking with my mother, that navigating the world with a physical disability that others can see is challenging both physically and mentally.

I should note that my research with Williams takes into account an individual’s age at the point of disability. For instance, my mother, now well into her life, has vague memories of the use of two hands, but for all intents and purposes, has not know an able-bodied life. She was only a child--because of this, her perception of her disability differs drastically from Williams who, late in his life suffered stroke that left him similarly paralyzed. Williams was 66, all he knew before this point was able-bodied life and so his self reference trends towards deprecation and disgust while my mother, though those elements are present from time to time, accepts herself as the norm and simply lives in the world.

A lot of this meta goes hand in hand with the way Killian lost his hand--it was traumatic. He likely suffers some form of PTSD or phantom-pains, but as I genuinely have no authority on either of those subjects I won’t be talking about them in this--though I do acknowledge their importance to the subject. If I do discuss them, it will be when I have done enough research to address the topic with the gravity it deserves.

Hook’s Concept of Self

Killian, in all but a select few instances, has only one hand. When writing him, this is a crucial thing to keep in mind and, I admit, on occasion it has lapsed from my mind as I write a reply. But the point remains, that he has only one hand. He is, in fact, a disabled character--if only because that is the label society provides to those who do not fit the “ideal.” ( My overwhelming issues with the label of “disability” is not my point here, but it’s worth a mention, and can be boiled down to this; If a bird flew over to you and said “I’m sorry you can’t fly/don’t have wings” how would you react? ) He interacts with the able-bodied world differently than others do, he even perceives the world differently than others do.

Killian is very much a mix of the two mindsets I’ve described with my mother and with Williams in his opinion towards his disability. He was a full grown man, a sailor even, when Rumple took his hand. And so, directly following that encounter, it is safe to say that he saw himself much the way Williams does--as deformed and disgusting. As I just mentioned, Killian is a sailor, he relies on both of his hands to do this job, and so the sudden loss of one hand renders him immediately useless. However, the Hook we see throughout the show is one that is, decidedly not useless. Instead, we see the Hook that parallels my mother’s view of herself--one who has spent more time without a hand than with a hand. ( Because we need to remember that he loses his hand before Neverland, so the century and a half he spends in Neverland is without his hand--putting him squarely in the territory of “this is the state of being that I have known the longest” ). As such, the Hook that we see in most of the show is the one that has learned how to live in an able-bodied world as a disabled person--again, I strain to use that term because as we see in Killian and as I see in my mother, their “disability” is merely a different state of being ( in the same way that a bird who can fly is in a different state of being than a human who cannot. Our realities do not align and it is fruitless to apply our lens for what is “ideal” to someone or something that was not meant to and does not have to conform to it ). It’s fair, then, to conclude that Killian does not lament his lack of hand, rather it is simply his normal. He has adapted to live and sail in the world.

Hook in Storybrooke

Now, I know what you’re going to say, “What about when he wanted his hand back for the date with Emma?” My answer again, points to how people with disability interact with a world built for able-bodied people. Until this exact instance in the show, Killian makes no indication that he is unhappy with only one hand. We see that he is a competent sailor, swordsman, etc. So I’m rejecting, outright, the suggestion that this is a deep seated wish of his--it’s not. Rather, his desire for his hand back stems from an external pressure. He thinks that Emma thinks he is unwhole. Whether or not he believes it himself is more nuanced.

I mentioned that my mother’s stroke was at 7. She remembers the use of two hands and she lives in a world of two handed people. Even though she can navigate the world, one-handed, perfectly well ( I have yet to see a thing that she cannot do--and she does everything, she had to, she lived and worked on a dairy farm and there was no option not to contribute and do work like everyone else ), she still feels inadequate because those around her who do not know her assume she is. Thus, her momentary lamenting for the use of her right hand is not because she, intrinsically, feels inadequate, but because interacting with an able-bodied world has pigeon-holed her into thinking that she has to feel inadequate. This same concept applies to Killian. It is absurd to assume that after a century and a half of living without a hand, Killian has suddenly come to the conclusion that he is inadequate and needs another hand. Hook’s crew in Neverland, is much like my family is to my mother. We have known her only without the use of her hand--similarly, Hook’s crew have spent a century and a half working with him and know he is capable and competent without his hand. Thus, he has never been pressured by people that assume able-bodied ideals until he is in Storybrooke. With this new, and likely uncomfortable pressure, Killian was forced into a “realization” of sorts that he does not fit what all the other denizens deem “normal” and as a result, and because he wants to give Emma the best of himself, seeks to attain that idea of “normal.” His desire to have his hand back, then, should not be seen as discontent with himself but as an attempt to give Emma the “ideal” he has come to accept since interacting with people in Storybrooke.

Hook and Living in an Able-Bodied World

Back to the original point for this post: writing a character with only one hand and writing opposite a character with only one hand. The most common misconception is that Hook cannot do certain things. This is utter bullshit. He’s lived for two centuries. If you think he hasn’t worked out how to do everything he needs to do with one hand by now, you’re missing the point of this post. So, when writing Hook and when interacting with Hook, it’s presumptive to think that he a) cannot do a certain task because you think there is no one handed option and b) he will ever ask for help with it ( Hook is fucking proud and stubborn, he won’t be asking for help from anyone except, maybe, a very close friend or lover ). If a character does assume Hook needs assistance he’s likely to respond with anger at how patronizing the offer seems. Imagine for a moment, that someone offers to cut your sandwich into bite sized pieces--you would be offended that they think it’s necessary. The same can be said for Hook. No matter how well meaning the character’s offer, he will see it as an insult. Again, I point to my mother--she responds in the same way. People who do not know her well offer her help zipping a coat or tying shoes, and though the offer comes from a place of care, it’s insulting to her--because it assumes that she is incapable of a task that simple. Hook has sailed for a century and a half without a hand. He knows how to button a coat or tie a knot with one hand.

Similarly, approaching Hook with pity or “insulting barbs” about not having one hand is not going to have the effect you think they will. He’s only ever going to get mad at being pitied. As I’ve said way too much, he’s lived without a hand for a century and a half. He doesn’t think it’s anything to pity because he doesn’t think there is a problem with it. That said, he will be angry but it’s not going to trigger him into a violent reaction. He has been living with this for a century and a half he knows pity from others is a common response. It will make him mad, sure, but it’s not going to get him to act out. As for the insulting barbs, Hook is a sarcastic, self-deprecating  bastard. If the barb is supposed to get him mad, it won’t. He’ll probably laugh along with you and catalog it away for later use. He doesn’t see his lack of hand as anything particularly insulting, but he also remembers how raw the feeling was just after loosing it, so insults are a coping mechanism for him. Suffice it to say that trying to use Hook’s lack of hand to get him angry is a fool’s errand. It won’t work.

Something else to keep in mind is how you describe the way he does things. While I’ve just stated that he can do everything, I want to point out that these tasks are achieved differently than they usually are. When writing about how he accomplishes traditionally two-handed tasks it’s important to consider what means of modification and invention he must use to complete it. Contrary to what the show might have you believe, he will use his body as a “second hand” more than he will rely on tools or external objects. His mouth, in many situations, will suffice as a second hand. However, it’s safe to assume that he can do smaller tasks with just one hand. He can button a shirt, zip a coat, open a bottle, type etc. with just one hand--no need for modification. Things like tying a shoe or opening a bagged package would warrant the use of his mouth or, in the case of the bag, his Hook. He’s also not going to make a big show of any of his alternate methods of doing things. The last thing he wants to do is make a process more complicated than it is. If he needed a big show of rolling the sails, he would have asked for one. He’s going to do these things quietly and as normally as a two-handed person does basic tasks. The nuance of his interactions with one hand are going to be subtle and do not always warrant note. That said, to someone who does not know him, these things are going to appear strange.

With more complex tasks, he will use small tools to aid himself. For instance, rolling up a sail, which is easier done with two hands might be achieved by taking a piece of rope and using that to roll the sail. When I write Hook, I like to take stock of the setting of the RP because when more physical things are involved, it’s crucial for Hook to use his environment to help him.

Conclusion

When you’re writing Hook, you cannot ignore that he has only one hand. You also should not assume that his lack of hand is a big deal for him, it’s not. 

[elizabethrobertajones]

So I saw that gifset of Kripke's commentary on that season 3 episode (I'm a newbie watcher but I started the new season and and slowly working my way through!) and I guess I'm a little confused? Kripke is basically saying "yeah Dean really wants that apple pie life" and when I've been going through and reading people's meta, I've seen a lot of people's opinion (especially season 6 metas) that kind of disagree and that Dean really doesn't want that suburban life. Any opinions? Thanks much :-)

Heya!

https://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/162713109665/sensitivehandsomeactionman-eric-kripke-on

Oh! Yeah, I reblogged this with the sense of irony about what Kripke was saying in place that you get from being a long-time watcher or deeply embedded in the meta community :P (I should have a /irony tag I use for the benefit of people knowing I’m thinking deep dark shade at whatever I’m reblogging but you know not in a mean way just in a this goes way deeper than what it looks like to me but maybe I just don’t feel like commenting right now :P)

I can’t remember if I have a Dean x Lisa tag that’s actually well-kept except for cute gifsets but 3x02 and 3x10 probably have a fair amount of discussion about it if you want to dig deeper… But I have literally just watched Dean’s conversation with Rufus in 3x15 which reminds me that this was a season-long arc, and 3x10 was a weird little part of it… 3x02 sets up that Dean has a sort of wistfulness for what he COULD have had, and 3x10 and 3x12 (and all these are Gamble-related episodes) have stuff about Dean yearning - this bit and the conversation with Victor where he makes it blatantly obvious that even with Sam he has a sense that he might want more from life and he is not currently getting it - Victor’s comparison of ex-wives and empty apartments is paralleled to Dean’s feelings. And in 3x15 Rufus warns him that this is what he has to look forward to becoming if he survives. (In 12x14 we had a parallel where Ketch buys his way in the door the same way Dean buys his way in the door with Rufus & scotch, but it was subverted in so many ways, it just seemed like the BMoL had sketchy intel you might be able to buy Dean this way.)

Anyway, by the end of the season the message is quite clear that Dean sort of years for it but can’t have it and in many ways has chosen this life of saving people over it. Though he’s dying for Sam, and never un-wishes that or can even think of it, from about the midpoint of the season he wants to find a way to break the deal but I think a lot of that is driven by not wanting to be a demon rather than wanting to grow old, since becoming a demon will pretty quickly undo all the good work Dean did saving people, he’d have to assume. 3x09 gives him any motivation to fight rather than cheerfully stroll off to Hell because Sam’s alive and that’s all that matters, you know?

I think in the context of season 3 the Lisa stuff was pretty interesting because I think Dean can have a contradictory yearning but Lisa is a ghost of an idea, literally where she fizzles out of the dream in the same way ghosts disappear, and to feel wedded to the hunter lifestyle and in many ways he’s been rejecting it from the start… In 1x08 (Bugs) especially he’s making a point about beeing skeeved out by suburbia and the idea of living SUCH a normal life. In 2x20 we see him as a civilian and he enjoys it for a day or two to hang out with Mary and Sam and Jess, and I’ve written a LOT on the over-lap of Carmen in that episode and Lisa in 6x01 since they’re connected by djinn dreams and I feel like the message is his year with Lisa was emotionally/functionally practically the same to Dean as if he’d been strung up in a warehouse the whole time. (That’s something in my 6x01 tag or 2x20 depending which you feel like scrolling through :P Sorry, I’m kind of in advanced brain bleeh from sitting in a noisy room so you can get surface brain rambling to answer this but no research or links in this state >.>) 

Anyway in 2x20 he unequivocally rejects the civilian life because people died without him doing his job, even though he called Carmen “the One” and everything else seemed fixable or exciting to him, including his relationship with Sam. It was after discovering he’d “un-wished” all their work as hunters he angrily appealed to John about why it was his job, before stomping off to find and kill the djinn, and un-make his wish, assuming at this point it was a wish and not a dream. (I still call it a wish-verse sometimes because of how DEAN analysed it and I find it FASCINATING to look at that way when it comes to these decisions, while I’d just call it the djinn dream when looking at it from another angle). 

I suppose Lisa comes not long after but he goes to see her as part of a farewell tour revisiting the best hookup of his life, and ends up smacked with the potential he’s mission out on of raising a kid and all that - a long-term investment he can’t get involved in for one year (do you feel the knife turning :P) because that’s not fair on them and offers them no long-term stability. He CAN’T make a home when he has a 1 year demon deal weighing on him, so the episode is just there to psychologically torture him. I think he never dreamed of suburbia before Lisa in 3x02 but by 3x10 we can see he took some unexpected emotionally scarring just from being told he CAN’T have something. Because posing the question opens up “what if”s (this incidentally is my entire rationale when you boil it down for why the male siren proves Dean’s bi :P). Dean had a moment to seriously imagine a NICE life where he would be with Lisa and have Ben as a son and it’s impossible for he can even start to have it. And in 3x15 Rufus confirms that even if Dean survives (or comes back from Hell as it turns out), being a crotchety old hunter who only opens his door to people if they show up with nice Scotch is about as much as he can hope to look forward to.

I think that’s a bad message too but it gels more with Dean’s outlook and experiences and I think helps him shut away the feelings he could ever have had more or that he was being unfairly denied, in a combination of personal choices to hunt/seeing the benefits of doing it over a normal life, and pessimism about his lifespan or what they can reasonably expect from their lives. In 5x18 he tells Lisa that when he thinks of himself being happy it’s with her, because of the scarring I mentioned that 3x02 specifically denies him this endgame and leaves an impression of it in his psyche as the Thing Dean Can’t Have, but DOES turn into a nice thought to hold onto as a what if. And Sam tells him to go for it and he does, and by the end of season 6 it’s a “never mention this again or I’ll kill you” situation and Dean doesn’t think about endgame out loud for like 5 more years until season 10, and the question is slooowly reintroduced through hesitant confessions and car conversations and meeting a pair of married hunters at a bar one day, to finally get the idea that while Dean’s unequivocally written off suburbia, wife & kids, there’s other things he could get out of life to make him happy and feel less like Victor or Rufus, dark mirrors of his present and future, like the ghosts of endgame visiting a long-term-relationship Scrooge :P 

But yeah Kripke saying that Dean secretly has a romantic soft spot for the normal life and fluffy romance, personified in this case by Lisa, is really because he’s talking compare and contrast to Sam. He says Sam isn’t interested in Bela that way really, he’s just horny and they know no women really so… that happened. (I side-eye but whatever, different discussion :P) and that’s in contrast to Sam’s supposed sweet and nerdy surface layer, while Dean’s got the macho horndog outer layer so Kripke’s explaining in 1 go performing!Dean (and Sam) and that Sam n Dean are yin and yang to each other (which, again, in Baby, we have that great shot of them in red and blue contrasting colours, sleeping top & tail in the Impala from above that demonstrates this… Can’t tell if you’ve seen season 11 actually or joined in season 12 (oops apologies for those spoilers too, I tried to keep them super vague and if you’ve seen season 12 you sort of know where it led to >.>) but this is what it looked like:

from a meta POV it’s absolutely one of my favourite shots of Sam and Dean in the entire show. Anyway it’s visually demonstrating the same thing Kripke is saying in that commentary. Sam presents one way so they write Dean presenting in the absolute opposite way, and then choose to subvert both presented faces with an image each to absolutely destroy that image and show something deep underneath. From the way he was talking it sounded like they thought the Bela thing first so the Lisa thing might literally just have been a part of it because it was amusing to them to do that with Sam, and the rule is absolutely probably 1st thing in their character bible to always make Sam and Dean at odds with each other even if it’s in some innocent visual/character demonstration.

(This is why I hate Buckleming writing btw - they’ve been increasingly writing Sam and Dean as an utterly unified unit who think and breathe on the same wavelength and it drives me nuts because that is not their dynamic at all no matter how fan favourite “winsync” is (which is of course a totally different thing to do with them working well together meta-textually as actors and in the text as kids raised closely together, and who also have worked together for most of/their entire adult lives so of course they naturally move and talk together sometimes - I can be in sync with my twin and we have core personality overlap but we’re also utterly different people in extremely obvious ways e.g. quiet vs chatty - guess which :P)… In Buckleming’s hands it just means they can use Sam and Dean to alternately deliver exposition in lengthy talking scenes as if they’re one character, and that exposition to Mick in 12x17 when he “Hello boys” them in the Bunker was one of their worst incidents so far >.>)

Anyway, I don’t think that makes the Lisa thing insincere especially as it sounds like 3x10 more than 3x02 actually cemented her as Dean’s imaginary choice of perfect dream girl to fill the space Carmen the El Sol ad lady previously held, when it came to the writing. 3x02 stand alone is good to torment Dean as a “Hahahaha you will never have this” but 3x10 builds on it and shows them being intuitive to the character and things that make sense to write him… And I think from the very start they were aware of the contradiction and that Dean might sort of have a soft spot/dream of the normal apple pie life but that he was also at the same time profoundly aware of all the ways in which he hadn’t chosen it, it wasn’t his life, and there were abundant reasons he wasn’t having it and even in the same core places this dream resides, didn’t want it. If you go deep in my 3x02/2x20/6x01 Lisa x Dean metas (again, sorry, I’ll add tags to this post at least :P) you’ll probably find the post I made collecting my rewatch notes as I discovered this subtextual story through the season, realised where it all came from later, and by the end of the season realised that they knew and had talked themselves out of it being something Dean could have because the subtext took the same route as the actual Dean and Lisa arc in season 6, probably because Gamble helped craft the entire thing in season 3 and then brought Lisa back for season 6 and had a whole season to play the entire thing over again. So I feel like that suggests Dean talked himself out of it too with Rufus and Victor’s help, and fundamentally never changed track even with season 5 & 6′s Lisa stuff, because that closed the book on it so hard we have this parallel to Dean and Rufus in 12x14 and the idea he can have something more with a hunter maybe or ~someone in the life~ is now the subtext under that in the same way Kripke talked about him having this squishy interior to do with Lisa back in season 3.

[ais-n]

Hi!! I'm the one who asked the Vermont question the other week. Thanks so much for answering! I have a second question if you don't mind. :D Were there any plot points/scenarios that you or Santino originally wanted to include but didn't make it in? Or if any scenes were changed from the initial draft? I just really want to know the possible WHAT IFs that could've happened!!

Oh curses! I’m so sorry I was so slow to reply to thissss T_T I haven’t been on my desktop computer much lately, which is a real oddity for me but I keep watching shit on tv instead of being online lately. And my phone is the worrrrsssstttt for trying to write any sort of long response.

THERE ARE SOME VAGUE SPOILERS FOR ICOS BELOW!! WARNING WARNING!!!! I’m not putting behind a cut because it’s short (for me, anyway) and some people can’t get the “read more” link to work on mobile (myself included wtf).

I think we talk a little more in detail in one of the Q&As (don’t remember which one but I put most of them here if you want to peruse:   https://aisness.wordpress.com/category/qa/) but yeah we did change things along the way and have to compromise at times on some of the plots. I super wanted to do a hardcore human experimentation thing with Boyd as a victim that Sonny was like “whoa there nelly, chill out a bit” on lol At one point he was thinking of a certain controversial lady in a book that isn’t Evenfall having Hsin’s baby and I wasn’t a fan of that for various reasons. Sonny wanted to kill off 3 of his characters at various points, 2 of which were a certain 2 fan favorites that I think the readers would have actually murdered us for killing. I wanted to kill Boyd at one point lol Things like that. Most of the time we were pretty in line with what we wanted to do, most of the time it wasn’t a problem, but when there were things that one of us really wanted to do that the other equally really didn’t want to do, usually we just discussed it over a long ass time because it took so long to write, edit, and release the story, and usually by the end of it we were on the same page anyway. 

We definitely had to drop things too. I was going to have way more Seth in the last two books, really go more fully into that whole subplot and Boyd’s back story, but it just didn’t flow well. I’m pretty sure we ended up deleting an entire Thierry chapter/scene at one point because it didn’t flow or make sense? Maybe??? There were a few things like that but I can’t remember them all right now. We may have mentioned them in one of those Q&As or elsewhere, not sure. And of course there was the give and take of editing Evenfall from the original version to the DC version.

The biggest What If of the whole thing is that ICoS as it turned out to be was not at all what we first planned when we first started writing. If you’ve read the whole series, they mention a tv show in Fade called Grayson. It briefly overviews the plot of that show. Fun fact: Grayson was the original ICoS plot, which we changed a tonnnnn when we realized Boyd and Hsin actually had chemistry and would like each other instead of just being side character partners who didn’t really get along and definitely had nothing romantic planned. We thought it would be fun to do a little throwback by making a tv show in the ICoS world that was the original plan for the ICoS world instead. such meta omg wut

If you’re curious and haven’t seen it yet, I posted a bunch of old shit at one point on my blog here: https://aisness.wordpress.com/?s=nsvic  -- including the AIM chat we had when we came up with the idea of ICoS (https://aisness.wordpress.com/2013/10/07/nsvic-wmhb-icos-conceived/) and when we named it (https://aisness.wordpress.com/2013/10/07/nsvic-wmhb-naming-icos/). 

The super old skool original version of what ICoS was when we first wrote anything at all in the ICoS world WAS on our old forum, I thought, but I can’t find it now so idk what’s going on... I mean, I found the old ass forum. But the post I thought had the old versions doesn’t have the actual stories? Well, I guess you can still find some excerpts. Read this disclaimer from 2007 first: https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/sonnyaisfr/icos-beginnings-v1-vs-v2-t50.html and then find excerpts here:  https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/sonnyaisfr/story-bonuses-f17/index-s25.html  Keep in mind that stuff is old as hell, including our random posts we made in general on that forum. I have no idea what all was said by us or others because it’s been too long. Probably lots of shit was said that wouldn’t be said now but that’s how it goes. 

Oh! But there’s a real treasure in the general chat section-- a number of us totally were doing these intensive Sims posts where we made our own ICoS Sims households and then posted what was happening, it was so great XD Here was the first person to do it, peach, but all her images are gone :( Link: https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/sonnyaisfr/my-sims-let-me-show-you-them-warning-img-hvy-t36.html  and then the others are: https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/sonnyaisfr/simmies-thank-you-peach-for-the-awesome-idea-t145.html  and https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/sonnyaisfr/more-sims-t190.html and then mine was https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/sonnyaisfr/sims-the-totally-not-official-old-skool-beaulieu-f-t178.html (iirc I did 2 or 3 different stories in that same thread over the months or years or whatever. I still have Boydtown on Sims 4 lol I should totally break that shit out again it was so great XD)

Anyway I made this too long already, sorry! Hopefully this answers your question at least a little, and sorry again for being so slow T_T

[sunken-standard]

Sherlolly Appreciation Week Day 7: Free Choice

(I was going to do a meta for this, but I am teh suck at meta because I can only write how I talk--informally and incoherently.  So have this to end the week on a low note.  Rated T for themes of drug use and adult feels.  Also, could be set vaguely in the universe of So What Was Your Last Girlfriend Like?)

*

There are seven people alive that have seen Molly Hooper cry.

Her Mother.  Her Brother.  Her flatmate from her first year at university.  One of her lecturers.  A stranger on a train that sat with her on the trip up to Northampton when she'd got the call from the hospice nurse.  One ex-boyfriend.

And Mycroft Holmes.

*

He'd been hiding on a roof, of all places (he was the British Government, he went where he damn well pleased, Health and Safety regulations didn't apply to him), sneaking a cigarette because he couldn't face Sherlock yet.  He couldn't see his brother like that, not again.

The access door banged against the brick propping it open; he could easily pick the lock if he had to, but why bother?

He prepared himself for threats, for a dressing down; no hospital security peon was going to dictate where he was allowed to go.  

He turned only to find a familiar face.

"Oh," she said stupidly.  He was just as surprised as she was, though he didn't let it show.

"Quite," he flicked his cigarette, took a drag.

She had no use for rules, either.  This wasn't her hospital, and yet she'd still sought solitude somewhere forbidden.  What did that say about her?  Volumes.  He'd think more on them later.

"He's breathing on his own.  They, ah, took the tube out just now, Mary's with him and John's making phone calls," she said, her voice thick.

At least there was that, but he wasn't out of the woods yet.  Far from it.  Even if he recovered fully, there was the long, torturous process of detox and rehabilitation to contend with.  Again.

"And the prognosis?"

"It's um, it early ye—" her breath hitched "—yet, but the bullet missed all the major vessels and they resta—" her face crumpled, but she kept going "—arted his heart before there was a danger of brain damage, but we just have to wait and see," she finished, her voice little more than a croaky whisper.

She used the heel of her hand to wipe her cheeks as her body was wracked with a silent sob.

He supposed if he had anything left, he would do the same.  He was a cold, hollow pit, the ability to grieve for his brother lost years ago, sometime after the first OD but long before the last.

He pulled the handkerchief from his pocket and took the four steps necessary to hand it to her.

"Thank you," she said, sniffing.  "I'm sorry, I'm not like this, I'm not—"

"Miss Hooper, I assure you, I have cried for my brother more times than you can possibly imagine." He didn't know why he said it.  It was true, of course, but it wasn't something he would admit even under torture.  He supposed a sincere woman's tears were their own sort of torture, especially a woman who seemed to share the burden his heart had for so very long.  This woman was not the kind to use it against him.  She held secrets like they were precious treasures, sacred objects.

She nodded, struggling to get herself under control.  It was not something he should watch, but he was fascinated by it nonetheless.  Women always fought their way through it tooth and nail.  'Weaker sex,' indeed.

"I slapped him.  It was the last thing I did.  I was so angry I thought I could—" she pressed her lips together, looked away.  The tears fell freely.

"Kill him," Mycroft finished, knowing it well.  "I knew this would happen, and yet I was powerless to stop it.  Not the bullet, of course, though that was its own inevitability.  John's wedding was more than he could handle and I knew he would relapse.  I had hoped his reaction had confined itself to trying out a relationship of his own, disastrous as it was sure to be, but optimism has always been a shortcoming of mine."

She bristled the tiniest bit at the mention of the girlfriend; she hadn't known.  He felt a twinge of genuine sympathy for her.  The split-second flash of betrayal in her eyes said everything he needed to know, confirmed a long-held suspicion that he'd never cared enough to investigate because it seemed so hopelessly one-sided so as not to be of consequence.  That look was one of a woman scorned, not the bitterness of unrequited love.

Sherlock, you clumsy child, he thought.  His propensity to destroy everything he touched bordered on the pathological.

His phone vibrated a text in his pocket.  He took another drag from his cigarette, tossed it to the pebbled rooftop and snuffed it with his foot while getting his phone out.  

"My parents have just touched down at London City.  I haven't told them yet that Sherlock's been shot. I couldn't bear the thought of them spending the entire flight worrying," he said.  He didn't know why he did.  She didn't need to know and she was not his shoulder to cry on.

"If they're coming straight here I can get him cleaned up a bit more.  There's not much I can do, but just combing someone's hair can make all the difference, you know?" She sniffed, twisted the handkerchief in her hands; she seemed disinclined to use it for its intended purpose.

She would know, he supposed.  Other people's grief was a consequence of her job.  That she approached it with such care and attentiveness to afford them dignity (as he'd seen that night years ago) spoke volumes of her character.  

"I think it best to get them settled first.  It won't be any sooner than—" he glanced at his watch "—noon.  That should give you ample time."

Molly nodded, moving out of the way so he could open the door.  

He felt like he should say something else, some prescribed nicety, but there was nothing to be said.  He gave her what he hoped to be a genuine smile before disappearing down the stairs.

*

She comes home to grab a few things from her flat, pick up the post, water her plants.  She hopes she gets to sleep a little better tonight; Sherlock was up half the night with cramps and chills and cravings, even with the help of medication to take the edge off.  It's killing her to see him like this again; she hopes this is the last time, even if she knows it probably won't be.

There's a box wrapped like a present on the floor behind her door; a slim thing, about the size of a CD case but a little thicker.  The paper is pearly blue and embossed with little diamonds, the ribbon a latte-coloured satin.  It looks expensive.  There's no card, no indication of the sender.

She dumps her bag and the rest of the post on the sofa table and unwraps the box carefully, thinking she probably should have taken a picture or put on gloves in case it's a severed ear or something equally creepy; just because no one has associated her with Sherlock yet doesn't mean it can't happen.  Her turn is coming, she's sure of it.  

Inside is a handkerchief, plain white cotton, though obviously high quality.  It's monogrammed, MH; there's something familiar about it and it isn't just the initials.  She fishes out the card inside, cream-coloured card stock with no other markings.  She flips it over.  The message is written in fountain pen.

A burden shared is a burden halved.  Thank you.  —M

Oh, she thinks, remembering that day.  She'd given the handkerchief to Sherlock's mother to return, hasn't thought of it since.

Apparently Sherlock isn't the only one in his family given to the dramatic, she thinks, smiling to herself.  Or the only one that hides just how big his heart is.

[epb-archive]

Okay, this is me trying not to care too much about Brighter by Wingit on Ao3 or @wing--it on tumblr (and failing miserably)

DISCLAIMER: Everything is my opinion and is in no way attempting to bash other fic writers because writing is hard and everyone that put their personal time into doing this and sharing fics with people over the internet deserves praise and to feel proud of what they’ve written. For this reason I won’t be naming any other fics aside from Brighter because that’s the focus and #Boost Ur Fandom Writers ya feel

DISCLAIMER 2.0: I realized I told @wing--it  that i’d have a meta done for their fic except I realized I’m not entirely sure what Meta is so I’m probably not good at it wow this is long im sorry okay let’s do this thing

Actually as I’m writing this, I realize it’s just going to turn into a giant ass review for Brighter and I don’t know how I feel about that but @wing--it hi, i love your fic, we’ve been over this right? Under the cut this goes. (contains mild spoilers for Brighter but I’m trying not to say everything outright)

Brighter is a Victuri fanfic that is by far one of the best I’ve read in terms of storyline, characterization, conflict, and angst revolving around that conflict.

Starting with storyline, Brighter is a godsend fic that gives that good ass almost immediately after the GPF life for Victuri. So the two of them figuring out their relationship and working out how to live together in a more intimate sense (that being on their own and not constantly surrounded by Yuuri’s family and the patrons of Yu-Topia). Now, there are some other good ass fics that also have the lives in St. Petersburg and that do this shit well (actually, I appreciate every fic out there, shout out to all fic writers yall are doing gods work) BUT something different that stands out about Brighter is how the storyline isn't just focused on Yuuri Katsuki.

Honestly, at the most current point (10 chapters in, updated last on the 8th of June) the two main characters are NOT Victor and Yuuri, but Yuuri and Yuri which is??? Possibly one of the few fics I’ve seen where these two are the main focus while still having the fic be Victuri centered. Like without getting too much into Yuri’s storyline for the sake of spoilers (though it’s kind of revealed in chapter 3 or 4 i think, pretty early on) This fic, by far, has some of the best characterization of Yuri P that I’ve ever seen.

Which is saying a lot because I will often stop reading a fic because of how they characterize Yura (especially if he’s a major recurring character in the fic). Yura does play a huge part in this fic in terms of his own character development and conflict (godddd I just really fucking love his story line) and Tash!!!!!! Gives a solid reason why Yura would be “”angsty”” 24/7 and h*ck!!! It’s just ugh!!! Everyone knows, if you’ve gone through your angry teenager phase, it’s so incredibly difficult to stay mad 24/7 unless something’s happened or something’s happening (mental illness notwithstanding) and like just godddd. Okay??? Okay. So Anyways, Yura opens up to Yuuri (eventually) and friendship happens and honestly out of this entire fic Yuuri and Yuri’s friendship is my favorite. Like yes, this includes Victor and Yuuri’s relationship or Victor and anyone else or any of the characters combines. I just think Tash did such an amazing job working with Yuri in the fic and I’m already emotional this is a mess I’m sorry.

Okay, So that’s Yuri’s character. On to Victor’s. I think Tash does a beautiful job having Victor adjust to life loving someone. Like here, we have a guy who’s spent his entire life trying to please and surprise so many people, like aside from splurge stuff, what has Victor done for himself? When going off that logic (and like the 50 in depth tumblr posts about this) Brighter is so beautiful in his characterization. Because it starts with Victor and Yuuri being soooo in love and everything’s perfect!!! For exactly .2 seconds

Because everyone knows that’s not how relationship work and people have to work together and have conflicts and allow room for being human together. (And dont get me wrong, I am just as likely to read a 50k coffee shop au with 0 conflict because I enjoy not hurting). Anyways, Victor’s characterization is essentially him trying to figure out how to be genuine (and failing on multiple occasions) and just him trying to teach himself that he doesn’t have to do what he thinks Yuuri would like to get him to stay because Yuuri loves him and they’re in this for the long run but still Victor  IS STRUGGLING to figure this out.  Tash just. God. Tash just does this so well.

And Victor. He’s also subject to his own anxieties but in a different way from Yuuri and??? Like the fact that he’s throwing himself back into his career after a year break and to go back to his way of surprising people and then coaching Yuuri and choreographing short programs for him, yuuri, and yuri too (i think he was doing 3 short programs anyways). The ice skating portion of this fic is so fucking important, which of course it is, in an anime about ice skating of course it’s fucking important but what I mostly mean is that it doesn’t necessarily take second to the romance in the fic with is easy to do. The Ice skating and the romance are like on par with each other with the only vaguely second plot line being Yuri’s story line which is :,,,) still

Anyways  I just fucking love this okay I’m so sorry this got off track I’m not even done yet but please, read Brighter.

Last on characterization is of course, the main character, Yuuri Katsuki. Alright, I just h*cking love Yuuri in this fic. Like?? He’s so understanding and doesn’t deserve half the shit he’s gone through because if!!! SOME PEOPLE just TALKED IT OUT1!!!!!! Maybe. But no. Tash’s way of writing Yuuri is one of the ones that I appreciate the most. His way of dealing with things (which is to overthink then not solve anything) or his way of sherlocking through other people’s problems (see: Yuri P see: Victor N) His insecurities are all #relatable and just, Idk how to talk about this because i really can only say how perf i think tash did with him and that’s nonsensical imo anyways yuuri in brighter is like best yuuri hi i would die for him to be happy

For Brighter, the conflict and the angst go hand in hand (though tash has been hinting at things getting more painful in the next update and i’m not ready but :,,,) ya kno) and so without spoiling anything I just want to say that the conflict/angst is different in a way that it’s something that doesn’t seem improbable and is just 100% believable like past the characterization in the fic, I could almost 100% see this happening in canon which is a weird feeling and idk if the movie turns out to have any of these problems I’m gonna pay Tash like $20 or something (so open ur paypal now cause I have a feeling). Specifically here I’m talking about the conflict between Victor and Yuuri (not necessarily Yura’s because that’s something I definitely don’t want to happen but god it makes for some really good ass story telling and background on a character).

For Victor and Yuuri, it’s a matter of being honest about one’s feelings and just you know, um, telling the truth and not saying what you think someone else wants to hear. Which doesn’t really sound hard or difficult at all but here we have Victor who’s done everything for other people up to recently in his career and has probably never been so deeply in love as he is with Yuuri right now so he’s confused and I’ll give him that. HOWEVER, sometimes, Victor just needs to have a little more faith in Yuuri’s feelings for him.

The same goes for Yuuri though, the conflict isn’t 100% Victor’s fault. Some of the blame is deff Yuuri’s and Yuuri’s anxiety (which is essentially a whole nother Yuuri except darker with idk maybe a goatee and constant bad ideas). But also you can’t blame a character for being anxious and stuff and really I’m not ragging on Victor for this but I also don’t think Yuuri’s entirely to blame here? Like I’m so bad at meta okay I’m sorry buT I think to a degree they both have insecurities and doubts that are straining the relationship. They really do try to work through things but on Yuuri’s side, he almost always links the problems back to himself and in term him not being able to satisfy Victor like sexually and emotionally I THINK. Like…….. Okay I can’t go into it because I’m not sure how to put what I’m thinking into words

Another point I cannot stress enough and can’t actually find a good place to put in even tho this was number 1 on the list of things I wanted to talk about in here is This conflict is seriously all good conflict. Brighter has character’s growing and developing and just. Nothing seems forced or out of place?? Like it wasn’t just put there in order for there to be something wrong. Actually I think i did mention this but I cannot stress enough how much the conflict in brighter just fucking makes sense!!!!! I’m actually repeating myself I know but seriously my favorite part…. Second favorite part after Yuri’s characterization is how good the conflict and problems Yuuri and Victor have are. Like they’re honest to god relationship things and fuck!!!!!!!!! It’s so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But essentially, Yuuri and Victor need to have a good oldfashioned talk but that’s not going to happen because Tash is about to rip out our hearts and I’m ready for once.

Alright, that’s been my not meta. I’m sorry @wing--it if you’re on mobile and cant read under the cut, it exists and also I’m sorry that this got so long……. But you know i told you!!!! It was gonna be long I just really fucking love brighter and i cannot express that enough. I tried to be coherent here in talking about all the things I enjoyed and I definitely missed something like the JJ conflict but this is almost 2k in length and I’m really embarrassed bcos of how passionate I am about this.

tl;dr: just read Brighter for fucks sakes, that’s all I want. More people to read brighter and scream about the character(ization)s and just heck!!!!!

[goodguyjean]

(1/3)Hello, random person again with a long rambling theory about Jean's class background because I have actually thought a lot about it because I have a Problem with worldbuilding. So here's my theory. Trost used to be a relatively affluent town (we can imagine it as a marketplace, as it would be a natural point of entry for Maria agricultural's goods towards the inner walls, and we know from canon that there were some sales companies like Reeves corporation), until Wall Maria fell.

Helloagain, Random Person! Thank you for sending me this headcanon! There’s no suchthing as “thinking too much” about Jean! That’s kind of the premise of thisblog, after all xD. Longass Jean-Metas Unlimited.

I’msorry it’s taken me a bit to get back to you and I’m sorry if this post is alittle rambling: I’m quite sick today and it feels like I’m really strugglingto think properly lol.

I’m putting my answer under the cut because it is kinda long (oops!).

I think what you posit here makes a lot of sense! And you’re perfectly entitled to keepthis as your headcanon for Jean’s backstory because Isayama has shownabsolutely no interest in providing one for him (in fact, his fake preview forthe end of volume six looks to me like a flippant refusal to come up with aproper past for Jean xD). In the manga, the only things we know for certainabout Jean is that he grew up in Trost, he didn’t like it because he views it as dangerous (mostly because of the titans and the military, I should say; I don’t think it’s because of the refugees: more on that later), and he has a mother.Your theory addresses all of these canon facts, so I think it holds up!

It’scertainly very likely that Jean and his family (whoever they are; I’ll comeback to this) underwent a class shift after the Fall of Wall Maria. As yourightly point out, Jean’s family staysin Trost after the Fall, indicating that they probably did not have the meansto relocate. And I think it’s safe to say that those who could relocate did do so based on these panels here:

Chapter 3.

I think we can infer from Franz and Hannah here that people left Trost because they were afraid of the titans.We also know (from Jean and Armin) that a lot of people “left” Trost on a doomed mission to retake Wall Maria. These people were probably mostlyrefugees, like Armin’s family (I will hold the fort that Armin’s parents ANDhis grandfather were taken out during the cull, since that is what the mangasays, even if it doesn’t make a ton of sense … again, Isayama, pleaseprovide proper and consistent backstories for your characters). So I think aportion of Jean’s cynical worldview, as you say, must come from watching thegovernment/military round up the desperate people they should be attempting toshelter and sending them out to die while calling them “heroes.”

I willsay that I have a hard time coming up with what Jean’s life may have been likepre-Fall. On the one hand, it makes sense that Trost might be an affluentcenter of trade between the walls and that Jean’s family might have been welloff compared to his fellows. On the other, Jean never says he’s trying toreclaim a lifestyle that he’s lost. When he talks about life in the interior,he’s always kind of vague about what the life will look like: it’s “comfortable”and “safe”, but also not something many people get to experience.

Chapter3. The fact that Jean says “right?” multiple times suggests to me that he’s not entirely sure what things are really like in the interior.

So,while I think his life was certainly disrupted by the events of the Fall andwitnessing the cull, I’m not sure about the extent to which his class statuschanged.

In theprocess of thinking through Jean’s backstory based on your headcanon, I wentback and tried to glean what info I could about Trost from the manga. Inaddition to probably being market hubs, Isayama says that all of the walledtowns (including the ones on Wall Maria) receive an economic boost from thesoldiers stationed there. According to a page of extra information in volumeone, the military focuses its efforts on guarding the walled towns and theirgates because those areas are designed to attract titans so the military won’thave to spread themselves thin guarding the other parts of the wall. Isayamawrites: “Having troops garrisoned at the town guarantees an economicbenefit for the area, but that economic benefit falls short compared to thefear of being eaten by a titan. Thus, not many people are enthused about livingin these towns.” However, I think a place like pre-Fall Trost would have lesstrouble attracting people, considering that it would probably seem safer than atown jutting out from Wall Maria, say. So it could have been quite adecent place to live, all things considered!

Post-FallTrost seems to have been a scarier place, although there was still money to bemade there, according to Dimo Reeves:

Chapter 54.

Itseems like their economy relied even more heavily on the army post-Fall. Involume two, Reeves makes a comment about supplying the soldiers:

Chapter 5.

Inaddition, it appears a lot of post-Fall Trost’s taxes go to the soldiers. Itseems to be an area that both depends upon and resents that dependence on themilitary.

Chapter 53.

Thisinteraction takes place after the Battle of Trost, but the fact that he says“taxes are as high as ever” suggests a tense relationship with the military asboth their economic benefactors but also the people who are gobbling up theirresources.

So,ultimately, it appears post-Fall Trost became a much more stressful place to livethat was even more dependent on the military, and perhaps that’s why Jean sawbecoming a soldier as his ticket to getting away from the front line (as weirdas that phrase it is to type: Annie’s right to term the whole situation afarce, I think).

Butthere are still things that don’t add up to me: for instance, Jean’s mother. 

Chapter 72.

Isayama includes brief mentions of her in chapters 70 and 72 of the manga, which Ithink are supposed to allude back to the OVA, but there’s a lot that just …doesn’t make any sense about the OVA. First of all, it stars the Character-Formerly-Known-As-Jeanwho’s nowhere near as well developed as Jean is in the manga (so he’s missingall the defeatism and desperation that makes Jean so interesting and causes usto speculate about his backstory), and secondly it suggests that Jean’s familylived a comfortable life even after the Fall of Wall Maria, which doesn’t seemvery likely, considering they were stuck in Trost. Most importantly, if Jean’smother was living in Trost during the attack why doesn’t Jean express any concern for her wellbeing? Given whatwe have to go on in the manga, I choose to believe that she had managed torelocate somehow before the attack on Trost … no matter how estranged sheand Jean may be, I can’t imagine Jean, of all people, not worrying about hisown other mother if she were ever under direct threat.

Additionally,Jean doesn’t offer any info about Trost (for example, he doesn’t seem to know athing about the Reeves Company, who apparently help run his town …) toSquad Levi during the Uprising arc. He doesn’t muse over what happened to itduring the attack, reflect on how it’s changed significantly over the years: hejust really doesn’t seem to care about it at all. It’s unusual, to say theleast. Even if he hated it (as is kind of implied by his earliest rants aboutit being a shitty border-town) it seems unusual that returning to Trost wouldn’tspark some kind of reaction in him. Basically, I’m not sure Isayama reallythought through all the implications of Jean coming from Trost when he decided on that it was Jean’s hometown …

Anyway,thank you for sending me your thoughts! Hopefully this isn’t too much a mess,haha. And feel free to message me with more ideas; I’m always up for a chatabout Jean! xD

[fortuneread-blog]

                 I  guess this is just my go-to icon for headcanons / metas but still --- let’s talk about  CHIHAYA’S ABILITIES  . 

                 Now then, when she finally discloses her past in full to you, the scope of her skills really comes to light. When she was a young girl, she successfully predicted a major earthquake. The villagers literally revered her as a  messenger from God  , & from then on heeded her every prediction. When she continued to predict  DISASTERS  , however, their opinions of her changed; they considered her a  CURSE  instead, a monster that was the sole reason these disasters were happening in the first place. While I’ll be making a separate post about her time in the village, the nature of said village, & what her adolescence was actually like for her, this is important to mention because, again, it helps understand the  scope  of Chihaya’s natural abilities.

                 I theorize that Chihaya’s quite naturally  CLAIRVOYANT  --- that is, having the sensory ability to perceive future events beyond what could be considered rational or natural means. For most of her life, this ability was fairly limited to  MAJOR  future events that would affect a population on a major scale --- ergo, the disasters that hit her village &, because I have a hard time believing this village got hit by that many disasters ( sorry Atlus ), tragedies that struck internationally as well. As ‘traditional’ as this village must have been, they no doubt had television sets & other means of keeping up with media --- so the fact that she could predict disasters on this large a scale makes even more sense as to why they would despise & fear her so. These visions would normally come to her when she was  dreaming  , & she would write down the details in a journal upon waking --- something she was taught by her parents to do from a young age. 

                 It wasn’t until she was in high school that she began enlisting the aid of tarot. As she grew older, her dreams began to not only include future disasters, but more mundane events as well --- both positive & negative. Hopeful that she could regain the villagers’ good graces by telling them of the good & bad changes heading their way --- in the latter case, to warn them --- she used tarot to hone her preexisting psychic abilities. As we know, her plan clearly backfired; I believe her pitfalls with the villagers’ futures combined with the gradual fallout with her best friend  REALLY  compounded for her the notion that  fate is absolute  , unavoidable, inevitable. I mean... Could you imagine how awful it must be to warn a neighbor of trouble with their crops, of infidelity on their partner’s behalf, of even a  major accident, injury, or death  , only to have them disregard your warnings & walk headlong into their fate anyway ?  And then curse  YOU  afterward as being the cause ?  For Chihaya, the only good thing that came out of it is that she learned to not only control her natural talents, but hone them as well --- & no matter how bleak the prediction, hope for a day when someone might take her seriously. What this ultimately means is that in theory, she  DOES NOT  need tarot to predict a future event --- but the predicted event would be  RANDOM  & would occur  IN A DREAM  . She uses the tarot to explore the future of a  SPECIFIC PERSON  on a   SPECIFIC SUBJECT  . 

                 Because of her natural abilities, other traits of Chihaya’s are extremely heightened. She is  highly empathetic  , able to register certain expressions, tones of voice, or body language as indicative of someone’s emotions --- not only can she understand them, but she feels them potently. She is  not  quite on the level of an  EMPATH  ---  when someone can feel & perceive someone’s emotions so intimately that it affects them on a large, chronic scale --- but she  does  have an extremely heightened sensitivity to them. Chihaya also has other qualities of a clairvoyant, most of which hinge on  EXTREMELY HIGH INTUITION  ; she can often predict when she’s about to get a text or phone call, & may even call  YOU  to ask what it is you want; she also has a heightened sense of  AWARENESS  , able to sense when danger might be near, when someone may in fact  be  in danger, & at times can sense when something... Supernatural may be out & about. It isn’t rare for her to stop mid-conversation & cant her head as if responding to something else the other person may not be able to see or hear or feel, but due to how her abilities have been treated in the past, she will rarely  explain  the interruption to anyone. Honestly, she’s probably stopped & stared at the vague outlines of the Velvet Room’s entrance on more than one occasion. She still keeps a dream journal, & if she trusts you, she may share them with you; she has an entire shelf in her apartment dedicated to the journals she’s had over the years. She has used up more than six  journals, crammed cover to cover with visions, & she keeps every single one --- highlighting the ones that have come true, & keeping note of the ones that have yet to occur. 

[perelka-l]

code lyoko, pokemon, scp, wtnv

bruh.

1. Code Lyoko

How I entered/learned about the said game/show/movie/etc of that fandom:

I was a bored kid who still had a TV in a room and watched stuff and everybody I knew liked CL so I watched it a lot. And then I kind of forgot about it and returned when I randomly started to doodle during geography lesson in high school and went on random google search and what do you mean live action

Fave character

XANA. I’d say William and Aelita and Odd too but XANA is always the best. Though I admit, Odd was a fav when I was a kid.

Least fave character

Season 4 Odd and Sissi I’m so upset those characters have been made into such one-dimensional shadows of old characters.....

OTP(s)

XANAWill, Jerlita, poly willulumi... also franz/anthea go fuck yourself evolution

Pairing that everyone likes but I don’t get

Why the heck is WillOdd so popular? It’s my casual bewilderment at entire “pair the spares” thingamajig that so many people have going on.

Fave thing about the fandom

Idk when evo was going on it was lovely to see all theories running wild and meta from 2nd season being reread over and over again and it was lovely I think

The most despised thing

forehead jokes stopped being funny ten years ago

If there is something I would change from said game/show/movie/etc., what would it be.

stop one dimensionalism being played up harder and harder starting from s!3, get rid of most of writers of Evo. I’m cool with everything else I think. Don’t give me solutions to theories, please, I love when we still have this mystery going on.

2. Pokemon

How I entered/learned about the said game/show/movie/etc of that fandom

Damn I genuinely can’t remember... I used to collect cards in primary school though but what brought me now to this, I’m not sure...

Fave character

Least fave character

OTP(s)

Pairing that everyone likes but I don’t get

...I.... I’m sorry but amount of characters that exist here.... don’t do this to me....... please....

Fave thing about the fandom

it’s so big and parts I encountered are so friendly and I made friends and there is always amazing content being created and there is always discussion going on I really like it

The most despised thing

nothing comes to my mind now really

If there is something I would change from said game/show/movie/etc., what would it be.

don’t do this to me.

3. SCP

ok this one I got asked like three times while I was writing everything above. wow. 

How I entered/learned about the said game/show/movie/etc of that fandom

I think it was a random post on tumblr that mentioned SCP, I saved it to read later, went on website, remembered I have matura exams to pass and went back to it after said exam. And started reading.

Fave character

Oh boy. I love a lot of characters. This is my post in which I list out my favourite SCPs. Also, I love researchers (Gears! Clef! Glass! Everyone!) and all dem GOI peeps (WONDERTAINMENT!!! AWCY!! I LOVE UIU!!!!!!!!!) I LOVE CHURCH OF THE BROKEN GOD i love a lot of guys ok

Least fave character

I.... can’t understand fixation on 076-2 like..... I get that he’s cool but please...... i don’t understand...... 

OTP(s)

IceGears, ClockworkFlesh, Clefdraki, Ion/Bumaro, also Redd/Wondertainment family is my tiny guilty pleasure. also, Pico Ruiz/corpses. But that’s almost canon.

Pairing that everyone likes but I don’t get

.....i can see appeal of able/cain but it’s everywhere.......

Fave thing about the fandom

People are so creative!!!! So many different ideas!!! So many different approaches to one thing!!!!!! THERE IS NO CANON.

The most despised thing

I left fandom after some tales went to side that I just... I plainly disliked the direction ok. Sorry guys, I still love you a lot. There is also one more thing but I don’t want to talk about it.

If there is something I would change from said game/show/movie/etc., what would it be.

eh, nowadays I’m staying away from SCP bc Pokemon is consuming my life but! I wish if one day I’ll come back bc I’m still too damn curious for my own good there will be even more amazing stuff that I won’t ever find time to read because holy shit amount of stuff written..........

4. WTNV

How I entered/learned about the said game/show/movie/etc of that fandom

I heard the soundtrack! I listen to a lot of fanmixes and I hear Disparition’s music and oh this is what people are talking about...

Fave character

I still think fondly about Kevin and Apache Tracker

Least fave character

Tamika Flynn maybe. I never liked her a lot.

OTP(s)

Remember when I wrote Apache Tracker/Man in the Tan Jacket fanfic? Good times. Cecilos was cool when it was still in vague territory and didn’t make me want to vomit. Oh yeah also Brownstone Spire/Glowing Cloud.

Pairing that everyone likes but I don’t get

eh

Fave thing about the fandom

I loved mysterious atmosphere of the show, I liked how I thought I could create limitlessly, this world was perfect to do whatever, the music was lovely....

The most despised thing

If there is something I would change from said game/show/movie/etc., what would it be.

The fandom itself. One too many times one can be called racist because of way I imagine a character or because of what character I like. WTNV as a show also changed, for much worse. Even after abandoning fandom I listened to eps but I couldn’t stand the romo, couldn’t stand voices given to characters, how gentle mysteries turned into each episode being turned into some intense events resolved by Power Of Love. I miss hooded figures. I even miss the old soundtrack. I miss Night Vale but it will never come back.

whew that was long.

[mittensmorgul]

I had a wee Cas-related headcanon. And I thought @mittensmorgul​ etc will have done this to death so I searched #castiel #pb&j. Right? Not a sausage, much less a symbolically charged jelly and nut based bread snack. #cas + #pb & j, #pb n j. You get the picture. But seriously, someone has done the as-pie-is-to-Dean-so-pb&j-is-to-Cas meta/fic, right? He really liked it when he was human, but it just doesn’t do anything for him any more? #look, #I ship hard, #but #you've done this, right?

Hi there! And yeah, we’ve done this…

I got this message last night and conferred with lizbob about it, because I’m going to sneakily use her tags to find some relevant musings on the subject. From her 9.03 weird rewatching notes:

Aaah, I forgot that the real April gave Cas PB&J sandwiches. She’s presumably still normal real April, anyway. I choose to believe that >.>

Since I normally go around willingly forgetting this episode, it does put 9x11 in context with Cas wanting to make himself a PB&J sandwich, and feeling sad that it doesn’t taste the same. It was offered to him out of genuine kindness and to him must represent the goodness of humanity, way more than his horrible experience with April later which Buckleming kept going back to, Robbie picks out the one nice thing about this encounter for him to reflect on, since, as I was saying, they get the monopoly on defining Cas’s human experience. He has a 3 second encounter with the real, kind April, and so that’s what Robbie leaps on, rather than choosing a path to remind us over and over of what else to do with her.

That’s quite an interesting thing as well because this season of course, stretched and fraying at the seams surface level is that Cas just loves humanity that much (like, ignoring 9x23 and Metatron actually telling us straight up that it isn’t just this :P) but the Cas x humanity thread does have a lot to commend itself just because that’s not exactly a false lead that Cas doesn’t love humanity. I think it’s lovely that he’s profoundly affected by this moment. As well as, in 9x11, it then has Cas describing a disconnect between himself and this symbol, that it doesn’t taste as he remembered and he’s sort of feeling too huge to comprehend it just as a sandwich any more. Because I think there’s a real yearning in Cas for the “human things” (and 10x01-3 when he’s sick and where that line comes from, he slips closer to humanity as his grace fails, and again we see him experiencing “human things” in a small measure, again, against his will). That yearning to me says more than anything else that I think Cas should end up human or that he would want to be, if only he could allow himself to really contemplate it. For the love of a PB&J sandwich :P

And to go right back to being a grubby Destiel shipper, this is not the only 2 times peanut butter is mentioned in this stretch of episodes. In 9x07 Dean’s arrested as a kid for stealing peanut butter to make sandwiches for Sam, which aligns him with the side of humanity Cas fell in love with: the selfless peanut butter-giving side of humanity :P So a way to link Dean to Humanity appears in the first 11 episodes…

And then there’s this, which was probably the beginning of my real personal obsession with food on this show:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/138730581600/soo-the-elvis-already-had-me-worried-for-dean

And this from lizbob’s 9.11 rewatch notes:

Cas and his PB&J!

Which I have already talked about repeatedly and especially in 9x03 where I already talked about it thematically to Cas’s humanity arc. So I guess, let’s just write down Cas expressing nostalgia for humanity which he had to give up and is now reflecting on the less shitty parts of it and realising he has given up the experience now in favour of achieving other goals, so again in a concise moment expressing his entire character conflict over the humanity arc, especially where he is on the other side of being human.

The fact Cas was sitting alone in the Bunker waiting for Sam, and decided to just go wander around digging in their shelves in the kitchen and make himself a sandwich though. I mean, compared to my comments about what Dean did off-screen between episodes that’s pretty boring, but I like it :P In 11x18 he’s strongly aligned with the kitchen, and while we don’t see the kitchen here, he had to have been in there to get the PB&J materials, even if he moved to the war room to eat it. (Which has its own significance that Cas is ready for war not domesticity, see also: all the stuff I was saying about his new uniform, grace, etc, and the reason WHY he’s changed himself so he can’t enjoy PB&J any more)

Yeah, I’m snipping stuff out here, but these are themes they’ve applied in a lot of other ways that tie in to other things as well. Pie. Coffee. Hamburgers. Cake. Pie vs Cake. Pizza. And even beer. And if you click on any of those links, you’ll note a lot of crossover between the posts.

As for s12, I’ve been keeping a Big List of Food by episode. No mention of the pb&j again yet, but I’m keeping a close eye out. It’s called The Pies of s12, but it covers pretty much all the food-as-symbolism stuff so far.

But there’s been at least one other mention of a peanut butter sandwich as a major plot device. It was, after all, the reason Dean had been arrested in 9.07, setting up the entire story and laying down some heavy Dean Feelings.

Getting back to Cas (and really Dean, too), these references used to come in the form of cheeseburgers, going all the way back to 5.14.

And yeah, we know Jimmy enjoyed a cheeseburger from 4.20, but we also know that Jimmy wasn’t there anymore by 5.14. This was all Cas, finding enjoyment from something very human. Sure, he’d been getting closer to humanity during s5, but I think this is the first time he really enjoyed something human.

I recall there being some distress in the fandom around the time 9.11 came out that Cas would’ve been reminiscing about a pb&j instead of a cheeseburger. But we just kept waving vaguely at 9.07 and the pb&j that Dean got arrested and tossed into Sonny’s Home for Boys over.

Dean had been trying his best to feed and care for Sam despite not having enough money for groceries. John was gone on a hunt and out of touch, and 16-year-old Dean got caught trying to provide for the family in the most basic way possible. Like peanut butter was the glue that could hold their whole world together.

But at the same time, that month Dean spent at Sonny’s was unprecedented for him. For the first time in his life, he didn’t have to follow John’s orders. He didn’t have to sacrifice himself to be Sam’s primary caregiver. He got to spend a bit of time doing what HE wanted to do. He joined the wrestling team and won competitions. He learned to play guitar and met his first girlfriend. He had an adult who was interested in HIM, who wanted to help HIM and make sure HE was doing well, you know? Not just whether or not he was successfully following his orders. For Dean, stealing that peanut butter was unknowingly a stepping stone to his first (and one of his only) tastes of that sort of pure freedom in his entire life.

Then (only 4 episodes later!) in 9.11 Cas reminisces about being able to taste and enjoy a pb&j for what it was, the way a human tastes it and not as an amalgamation of molecules the way an angel tastes it.

(which raises some questions about 5.14 and if Cas was appreciating the molecular arrangement of a good cheeseburger, or if Famine’s influence literally gave him an appreciation for the taste, but none of that’s relevant here atm)

Back to 9.11… Cas goes one step further and uses the pbj to make a point, the entire scene preceded by a fade-in on that pbj:

CASTIEL: Sam, I want Gadreel to pay as much as you do. But nothing is worth losing you. You know, being human, it didn’t just change my view of food. It changed my view of you. I mean, I can relate now to how you feel.SAM: What are you talking about?CASTIEL: The only person who has screwed things up more consistently than you…is me. And now I know what that guilt feels like. And I know what it… I know what it means to feel sorry, Sam. I am sorry.SAM: I know.CASTIEL: You know, old me – I would’ve have just kept going. I would’ve jammed that needle in deeper until you died because the ends always justified the means. But what I went though – Well, that PB and J taught me that angels can change, so…who knows? Maybe Winchesters can, too.

Bonus:

He misses a simple pleasure of humanity. Same as Dean. Okay imma go cry over a sandwich now.

bonus-bonus:

okay now i’m going off to cry