#spn 9.03

[deancasforcutie]

“I love you” in Winchester

[ardentpoop]

[soft-pine]

i’ve whispered and walked on eggshells just to choose misery over dispute

some blueberry pie life: chapter 23

hi! i've gotten a few new followers since i last posted a chap of this so i wanted to do a quick re-intro post as well as a chapter update. this fic is my magnum opus, my precious baby. basically it's like a million one-shots that touch on themes from canon-time spn and how they tie into pre-canon and eventually post canon. it's pretty heavy and the beginning is much more of a dean character study than DeanCas per say but we are heading there.

title from Misery Over Dispute by Waxahatchee

notes below!

August, 2002

Sam leaving is mentioned throughout season 1 but this specific convo is a reference to the conversation between Sam and John in 1.20

The house that they were staying in when Sam left for Stanford is shown in 5.16

The reference to Sam begging to come hunting is from 11.08

Dean dropping out of high school and therefore needing to get a GED is a reference to 5.01 and 5.13

The chick-flick comment is a reference to 1.01 and 11.23.

May, 2013

Takes place during and right after 9.03

The reference to Cas falling asleep in the car before was from 5.22

May, 1993

John sending Dean away when he really pissed him off is something Dean talks about in 14.12

[lower-the-volume]

i'm no angel

[kerryweaverlesbian]

STOPPPP NOT CAS GOING BY CLARENCE WHEN HE FIRST BECOMES HUMAN. AS A TRIBUTE TO MEG. I'LL CRY. I'LL CRY FOR A THOUSAND YEARS.

[dothwrites]

there's a lot i could say about 'sacrifice'

(the scene with dean, cas, and the cupid? dean's complete bafflement when he sees the two men falling in love--he's always so surprised whenever he's confronted with someone else's queerness!) (crowley's confession!) (sam's final speech--i hate it! "who are you going to turn to instead of me?" screams that dean is not allowed to have interests outside of sam, even though sam has always begged dean to be less of a helicopter and let him live his own life. sam is allowed to have a life away from dean, but dean is not allowed to have a life apart from sam. dean's purpose is to be sam's satellite)

but really, i just love the final scenes. the music! the editing! the "angels... they're falling"--THAT is how you do a season finale! (on the bitter end, i remember just HOW excited we all were for s9. human!cas! in the bunker no less! he was going to live with sam and dean and be a hunter! and then that plan got shot to shit within seconds of the premiere and ground to dust with the wretched 9.03. if you weren't there i don't think you can understand the HUGE resurgence that the destiel fandom had in the hiatus between s8 and s9 and just how BADLY our hopes were shot to shit by s9. when i am critical of spn, know that i am always, at least a little bit, thinking of this)

[idontwikeit]

Now you're on your knees (I feel the lightning blast)

— Fallen Alien by FKA Twigs

[tearsofgrace]

folks, may i present to you now, jensen homophobe ackles and dean unrequited winchester

for reals though how tf do you not see jensen playing dean as in love i mean

[nancylou444]

I remember the hellers screaming about “I’m No Angel”

I just found this interesting article about it. 

I believe I have said before that, when I watch Supernatural every week with my obligatory shock blanket and emergency bottle of cheap vodka handy, every once in a while I am smacked in the face with a shot or a scene or a line that makes it very clear that this show is written and directed primarily by straight, white dudes. This shot of Castiel staring dazedly down a woman’s shirt isn’t a development of his sexuality; it’s male gaze projected onto a character for whom it makes absolutely no sense.

To be clear, the reason it makes no sense has nothing to do with Cas’s sexual orientation. Considering the fact that he was originally a “multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent” and is “completely indifferent to sexual orientation,” I personally think it makes the most sense for Cas to be either pansexual or asexual. I’d settle for bisexual. But there are plenty of other possibilities; I can see Cas as gay, demisexual, grey-A, queer, or, considering his current situation, “questioning” would seem to be a good label for him.

The intention of the show is almost certainly to make him straight. That’s fine, if disappointing. Heterosexuality is a valid option in the pantheon of sexual orientations, though it is the most over-represented one in mainstream television.

But what I’m saying is that, no matter what Cas’s sexual orientation is supposed to be, that boob shot was terrible, because sexual orientation is not the same as learned expression of sexuality. Men who are attracted to women aren’t inherently fascinated by boobs; that comes from socialization in a culture of objectification. Even if Cas were straight as an arrow, there is no justification for him suddenly being captivated by the tops of a woman’s breasts.

Wait it gets better: 

Let me make one thing abundantly clear: April rapes Castiel. She deceives and seduces him for the sole purpose of gaining his trust in order to humiliate him and eventually torture and kill him. The fact that Cas consents and enjoys it in the moment is irrelevant when his consent and enjoyment comes under such false pretenses. That’s where the “informed” part of “informed consent” comes from.

(EDIT: It’s been pointed out that April, the human vessel, was also a victim of rape in this scenario as the reaper possessing her forced her to have sex without her consent. This was clear to me, but I forgot to include it in this article. I apologize.)

The author had to be reminded that “April” was ALSO a vessel because “April” isn’t important, only Cass is important (yes notice how the author spells that).

article

---------------------------------------------------------

Now, let’s talk about JIMMY’s consent. Oh wait, that isn’t important, because according to THEM, that is no longer Jimmy’s body. 

Castiel STOLE Jimmy away from his family and himself, so how can he lay claim to JIMMY’s body? 

If you steal a car and the owner has a heart attack and dies, does that mean that the car now belongs to you? OF COURSE NOT. Your ass may be going to jail for causing the death of the OWNER. 

That body doesn’t belong to Cass, it belongs to JIMMY.

If CASS didn’t give his consent to sleeping with a “reaper”, then JIMMY, sure as shit, has never given his consent for HIS body to have sex WITH DEAN. 

Therefore destiel would also be considered rape. 

[mittensmorgul]

just watched the ep where april kills cas on my season 9 rewatch and it really hit me that dean has really had to watch cas die right in front of him almost every single time.

Oh yeah (i hate that episode and generally just... avoid it when I can lol).

But how many times has Dean had to watch Cas actually die? Lots! Let's reflect.

He only saw the aftermath of Cas's first explosion in 4.22, but Chuck really played it up with the description (exploded like a water balloon of Chunky soup) and the visual aid of pulling one of Cas's teeth out of his hair... That guy is such a jerk... >.>

(I mean, he also hit Sam in the head with a plunger, but that's neither here nor there)

The first time Dean gets to WATCH Cas die is in 5.22, when Lucifer explodes him again.

He gets to watch Cas die again at the end of 7.01, after he returns the souls to Purgatory. He hadn't looked great moments before, and his dying wish had been for Dean to forgive him (Dean obviously wasn't ready for that, but watching what he believed was Cas dying there sort of pushed him in that direction). He's only down for a minute before he recovers, again. But it's too late anyway because...

Dean gets to watch him die again in the opening scenes of 7.02. Cas is overtaken by leviathans who walk him out into that lake and explode him again. All Dean has left is the trench that he'll lug from stolen junker to stolen junker for most of the rest of the season until he's able to return it to Cas.

Granted, Cas doesn't die in 7.17, but he does the next closest thing by taking on Sam's soul damage and going comatose. Sam was expected to die from this state, but with Cas... Dean just doesn't know what will happen to him, and still has to walk away because they've still got a planet to save.

In purgatory, he didn't see Cas die, but what he did see was so traumatic (Cas CHOOSING to stay behind, not wanting to return with him, as they were surrounded by monsters at the portal) that Dean literally invented a false memory of him failing to pull Cas through the portal and blaming himself for why Cas was left behind (and probably died, as he led Sam to believe in 8.01).

After the angel fall event, when Cas wasn't replying to his prayers, Dean wondered for a bit if Cas might be dead (why else wouldn't he have contacted Dean? In Dean's mind?), and then the incident you mention in 9.03. That... was probably the worst for Dean to date, because Cas had ALWAYS come back to him eventually, but he'd never been human when he'd died, either. The horror of having been SO CLOSE to saving him, and having directly failed him completely was too much.

(we won't even talk about how Dean was manipulated by an angel holding Sam hostage into kicking Cas out on his own after that, but that also tore Dean up inside... thanks to Bobo for 9.06 for showing us that, and showing Dean finally being there JUST IN TIME TO SAVE CAS, tossing the angel blade to him so he could save himself)

It also bothers me that Dean never really knew how bad Cas's grace situation was during s9 and s10, and even during s15 when Cas began to realize that his powers were fading again and directly tried to talk with Dean about that several times. There was always just too much else going on-- in s9 and 10 with the Mark and concern for Dean, and in s15 with worry over Jack, Sam's Equalizer Wound, what Chuck was doing, Billie, etc. They had a lot going on... But I really wish that arc hadn't been abandoned... but again, that's for another post to rant about :'D

By this point, it's 100% logical why Dean gets so upset when Cas disappears and stops returning his calls. He has watched Cas die too many times, and I don't know that he could've lived with himself if he just never heard back from Cas again, you know? (which also makes the series finale entirely implausible, because wtf... knowing what the Empty is and the fact Cas was literally only there because of his love for Dean... and not even expressing a little regret over that let alone feeling compelled to at least TRY to rescue him... it's just not believable to me at all)

But then we have 12.23/13.01... and the grief arc following it. That actually broke him.

Which brings us to 15.09, and believing he'd lost Cas in purgatory again, this time with a definite countdown clock and knowing if he couldn't find Cas and bring him out by the time the portal closed he'd likely never see Cas again. I honestly think if Cas hadn't been waiting for him at the portal that Dean would've just chosen to stay in Purgatory to look for him again, even despite what was going on back on Earth. At least in Purgatory, he knew the deal.

Wait... what were we talking about? Oh right, all the times Dean actually watched Cas die.

Bonus round: We know during s7 at least he had a recurring nightmare of watching Cas wade into the lake to die. I don't know that I could bear to know what the rest of his nightmares were like... How many times did he relive all those deaths in horrific dreamscapes?

Thank you anon, I think this is the most awful route I've ever taken to explore their relationship. New agony at every rest stop! :'D

[deancasforcutie]

Dean coming out playfully 🩷💜💙

(can we take a moment or several thousand to appreciate that he came out to the audience using His Line "sonofabitch"? he's bi and it’s authentic to his hypermasculine cowboy ethos and we’re blessed. when you Dare To Defy stereotypes so hard it bodies the network who only ever paid lip service to the idea and failed to suppress you)

bonus:

[ardentpoop]

[destiel-is-so-real-oh-wait]

[lower-the-volume]

9.03 I'm No Angel

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Bean and Sam are so happy to have Cas in the Bunker. Oh god oh jeez oh no oh no. Brutal to do this to them. And to ME. Cas just said the burritos were "epic food" they can't DO this to him.

[foxthefanboi]

9x03 - I’m No Angel