#like sorry for getting vaguely political on my fandom blog

[utilitycaster]

A couple things before I do this as I said I would here

I’ve decided it’s more effective in the long term to bring up a handful of people than everyone who’s ever been obnoxious, mostly to maintain ongoing leverage, ie, maybe if people leave me alone they can get away with their lower-key shitty behavior, and if people don’t, then they won’t.

Do not harass nor send hate to the people I've mentioned; take the high ground. Blocking, vagueing and openly going “what the fuck is wrong with that guy (gn)” however is chill, but I won’t be taking anons personally that are pile-ons on these people because that is not the point of this exercise.

Similarly I just delete anon hate or post it if I have a funny enough response for it but it won’t elicit this kind of thing for various reasons I don’t care to get into right now.

If my good opinion is important to you, really, the quickest way to lose it is to treat me expressing my own opinions on my blog as a personal attack on you. I wasn’t specifically judging you until you decided I was; now, I will ruin your day or week and I won’t feel sorry.

Now, I’m going to be honest. The reason I haven’t done this earlier despite the shit I and many others have waded through all campaign is that the vast majority of people who engage in harassment, hate, or “how dare you exist and have opinions that aren’t mine, don’t you know the world revolves around me” will then immediately make a post like this, such as the loser who led to this: (rest below the cut)

source

To be clear I do hope they get whatever presumably important medical procedure this is and I too am in opposition to transphobia on an active political level, however, if you take your own shit out on me, a random woman on the internet, I will continue to fight for what I believe to be your fundamental human rights like gender expression and healthcare but there is no right you have that prevents me from calling you a stupid thin-skinned loser and that I feel sorry for anyone who has the misfortune to love you as I suspect you’re incapable of truly returning it, and also your blorbo still sucks. This has been: if you attempt to treat me even slightly like your punching bag, I punch back.

With that in mind let’s go to the people I’m talking about today. If you're not into this, skip the cut.

I think it goes without saying that warrior/inrecovery was an embarrassing blight on this fandom and imo/dna shippers’ steadfast laxity in taking out the trash is yet another reason why this ship ain’t it chief. I’m posting all of the aliases under which they attacked me and others, but they flamed out during the Laudna addiction metaphor and hopefully got help, though as you can see their blog for the past like, decade, is them attacking people over femslash ships, so idk if it’s gonna stick, pals. Anyway, they have a distinctive style so hopefully if they ever rear their ugly head again I’ll be able to get and post an IP address. I did have some suspicions about Tulsa OK but they are not sufficiently founded. Anyway: you can also find them under tlb/wc (they use that one to make death threats); thatguy/10592; clearcowboy/angel; screechingalpha/nightmare; and holysoul/enthusiast, all of which are still up and have the evidence as of posting

Honorable mention to the person who called me a hypocrite for checks notes liking callowmoore more than Imo/dna (series of asks from November 11th, 2023 in which they harassed not just me but many people who had simply interacted with my posts). I have my suspicions as to who it was [noted tar pit from Westphalia, Germany absintheheartbeat, who I also think sent this Dorym ask] but as I have no proof that’s really all there is. While we’re talking about generic tar pits disconnectedkat is a discourse blog that is just generally a piece of shit and is one of those people who clutches pearls about HOW DARE YOU TRY TO WIN AT FANDOM WITH LEFTIST CAUSES ignoring the big elephant in the room of “countless C3 fans lecturing incompetently about this being a revolutionary anticolonialist narrative and how we’re just status quo loving conservatives and then crying when we point out that they are being shitty in real life.” If you are one of those people reading this and finding yourself getting huffy, do take a look at the people mentioned throughout this and ask yourself: are you okay with them? Because if so, then your issue isn’t “it’s mean to call people stupid and attack them on a moral basis”; your issue is “it’s mean to call me stupid”, and you are part of the problem, and, moreover, I am in your walls.

Theshepardshuffle deactivated but I do want to point them out here just to note that I have in fact suffered more than Job and been more steadfast than any US Marine at the hands of imo/dna shippers for the sin of saying “this ship isn’t very good.” I’d also want to point out that they are why I started checking on people I’ve blocked. See, this is a side blog, so if you block me I cannot interact with you, but I can still see you, and our buddy shep joined tumblr, blocked me, and then posted discourse about me constantly not realizing I could literally see it (and to be clear. I know people I have blocked can see this. I hope they do.)

Anyway, the main event: let’s talk about noted racist idiot hecate astralley/wright (main blog bone/heat), to my knowledge a white American cultural Christian, seen here (archive link if they delete it) mocking someone who found Bells Hells’ behavior justifyingly reminiscent of a conquering colonialist army as their family experienced, and horrifying for it (note: this mention is made with everypigeondeserveslove’s knowledge and permission; they are well aware of this bullshit). Hecate decided it was a good time to be a truly unfeeling piece of shit about this in the service of checks notes convincing people that Bells Hells was an anticolonialist narrative. They did, to be fair, just start reading Wretched of the Earth, so they do know who they’re talking over. I mean about. They also accused me of, when I pointed out this article’s discussion of history and whether it was written by the victors, Godwin’s law, which is not really what that means (saying ‘this phrase has its origins in a lot of hateful groups who used it to evade their responsibility in historical events, and also even if history is written by the victors, that doesn’t mean every alternate viewpoint is automatically wrong’ is simply factual), then turned around and claimed, in a truly stunningly insolent case of putting words in someone’s mouths, that criticism of Imogen and Laudna on the basis of their unkind actions was akin to calling them degenerates (archive)to the point that people were confused. This is an ongoing pattern with that circle; you’ll see it with cringefae/compilation too of just. Making shit up. 

What you need to know about them is in the end they’re mostly just a hypocrite and a loser. They’re really into 9/11 jokes, which to be clear I’m not personally squeamish about, but I also don’t go around screaming about how cruel the fandom is to Aeor, a city that is entirely pretend, while joking about real-life civilian deaths. Absolutely terminal case of caring more about pretend people than real ones. As for the idiot part, interesting to claim at one point that Orym would be saved by the Wild Mother and should, and this is a direct quote from someone who, again, is only now reading the first book listed the “Notable Theoreticians And Theories” list on the Postcolonialism wikipedia page, that he should “read theory” and then claim to have Gotten It From Hearthdell after spending much of the intervening time, as discussed, arguing for the deaths of the gods. In fact, I recommend looking back through their blog in depth for a combination of tiktok-brained politics, an utter lack of empathy, and Consistently Getting It Wrong And Lying And Pretending They Didn’t. 

Second person is cringefae/compilation. When they’re not throwing tantrums interspersed with gifs of the pink My Little Pony, or throwing different tantrums about Kipperlily Copperkettle, or throwing different tantrums about Essek and Verin Thelyss existing within the narrative, you can find them throwing tantrums about how everyone but them is a bigot, often in the main tag. This has been commented on by the general fandom, and it is notable that even others in their circle often won’t touch their vent posts (also many of said posts directly attack others in their circle, which is funny to me). Now I’ll just keep it very basic: I think what’s going on is that cringefae does not think they are a very good person, deep down, but is trying to project an image of being a very good person, and so they have decided that people in the fandom, of which I was public enemy number one before they seemingly discovered the native text block function, are the Real Bad People, and don’t seem to have the ability to process. Now the thing about cringefae is that if you dislike a character OR like but would enjoy them experiencing some fictional horrors and that character is not Essek Thelyss; the Briarwoods; a character I personally like such as Fjord when they are on the warpath (they actually seem to personally really like Fjord and I think high key hate that I like him because they have basically no consistent identity other than contrarianism; they do not seem to like anything, really, other than possibly the pink My Little Pony); or a white cis straight man that they do not headcanon as not that, then they will call you a bigot. Now: you may notice, with a quick perusal of their blog, that they believe Ludinus Da’leth to be a racist who started a race war, which would imply Essek Thelyss is nonwhite, but they have definitely argued against this as well, and recently argued both in favor of Ludinus having a redemption arc and also that they don’t believe in zero-effort redemption arcs, because again, there is zero logical coherence other than attacking people they don’t like for whatever reason. I don’t even have links; just scroll down their blog for a few minutes and you’ll get the vibe (bad). They too have a tendency to make up a guy and get mad at that guy (and have to clarify they're just making shit up in the notes); possibly to assume the worst of the fandom in order to feel better about themself. And whereas I think astralley/wright might know deep down they're attacking real people to defend pretend people and hoping no one will notice and call them on it, cringefae seems to be genuinely too stupid to understand the concept of "it can be interesting for a story to be tragic." They also tend to frequently insult the positions of people in their circle and conflate everything they don't like into one person; again, horse-immorality (deactivated) was one of the loudest "bor'dor is a dog" people and cringefae liked them and now is like IT'S SUPER RACIST TO SAY BOR'DOR WAS A DOG because again, it's not about any position, it's just about finding some arbitrary scapegoat and attacking them so that you can feel righteous, and in doing so, they become a cesspit of a person.

I think the kindest thing you could say about cringefae is that in their incoherence it all kind of cancels out, and absolutely no one really seems to take them seriously. They seem entirely unaware of the concept of crying wolf and how maybe if you say that a woman who checks notes happens to openly prefer the canon art of Jester, Yasha, and Imogen to fan redesigns, canon art that was checks notes designed by women and checks notes drawn by women is a “soft MRA” you might be wildly irresponsible in your accusations to the point of eroding an ability in the fandom to actually point out misogynistic views (also, hanging out with astrall/eywright does kind of fuck your image as caring about the oppressed). It’s accusations as a tool against the people they’ve decided are The Bad Ones. And really that’s the thing. I know we’re all online here, this is explicitly my fandom sideblog and I try to keep it light on politics not because they’re not vitally important but because I do see Tumblr largely as an escape and not as a news source, but I would bet good money this is someone who doesn’t like, do anything other than post. Anyway, just kind of a stream of nonstop constantly shifting incoherent bile worth a block. One of those cases where you're like "have people...just put up with this person in their fandom spaces forever? why? don't fandoms deserve to not have a missing stair like this?"

[wanderingaldecaldo]

An open letter to the Cyberpunk fandom in general, and a few people in particular

It’s time to clear the air, and I want to take responsibility where appropriate.

Before we get into the recent drama, a history lesson is in order, both for the newer people in fandom and for those who have been around and just haven’t heard things from my side. This might be long with all the linked posts, so buckle up.

I don’t talk much to people about my experiences in fandom for several reasons — first, I don’t like to talk about others with people I don’t know; gossiping with friends is one thing, but otherwise it’s an undesirable trait. Because I’m human and fallible and absolutely capable of failing to meet my own standards, I have violated that rule, and it rarely does anything good. Second, even when I do share, people don’t tend to believe me because the responsible party, PinkyDude (PKD), has been “so nice” to them. “Surely there was a misunderstanding” is the most common response. 

No, there’s been no misunderstanding. He has harassed me repeatedly, both directly and indirectly, and has deleted most of the posts he’s made or reblogged from his friends/mutuals/followers that would serve as proof of this harassment. I could dig up old screenshots that people sent or I saved myself after being told of a post’s existence, but honestly I don’t want to go through that dreck again; my mental health is worth more to me than that. Instead I’ll present in my own words what happened to me over the last three years. I have spoken publicly about him three times before now — four if you count my response to the anon, which never referenced him or his ship. All of those posts are still visible and will be linked. I told you this would be a long read, but you need the context.

I joined Tumblr in spring/early 2021, back when I only wrote fic and played on console. PKD blocked me the first time I posted my fic, as is his right. As I was new to Tumblr, I didn’t understand the Tumblr app was actually telling me I was blocked whenever I clicked on the links on Discord, so I thought it was just bad software. Spoiler: it’s still bad software (affectionate). When I found out I was blocked, I was upset; I didn’t know about RSD at the time. I sent one anon asking why he blocked people; I was just a lowly AO3 author and he was the big, popular modder, and I was baffled and very upset and should have closed the browser, to be honest. He answered and explained why he blocked people (totally valid!! I will continue to emphasize that!) and shared how blocked people could still view his blog in a number of ways. Honestly, it was too much work for me to go through all of those steps, so I moved on with my life.

Not long after, he did unblock me for a few weeks and posted how someone had shown him how to filter posts. He messaged me to tell me I was unblocked, and we exchanged a few courteous messages. I believe I asked if it would be okay if I followed him. I know he expressed concern about me feeling discomfort at his ship. I don’t remember my exact response but I said I thought they were cute. That was the whole point of me joining fandom — I want to share love for blorbos! Things were civil, as far as I knew, though based on his comments later, it seems he and I had two completely different experiences. Where I believed I was polite and tried to be respectful to someone who had established boundaries, he accused me of being spiteful and vengeful. Soon after I started taking my own VP (with Mitch) he blocked me again. He sent a message to apologize that he needed to do it, and made a vague post that was directed to me, I assume, as it was something like “Sorry I tried” or whatever, and I moved on with my life, or tried. I still saw his Mitch pics in Discord servers when people shared them, though I saw fewer that were just Mitch alone.

The first time I spoke about PKD was Fall 2021, during the “not PKD approved” debacle, where someone (a follower of his! Not my follower! I cannot stress that enough!) reblogged a gif of Val and Mitch with the tag “not PKD approved.” I shared a screenshot with friends because, uh, that’s what you do, right? That’s what anyone would do — share a screenshot of an offensive tag with friends. One of those friends, a writer who had published Mitch/V on AO3 and also received anon hate on their Mitch fics, thought it was funny and used it for their Discord status. Someone shared that status with PKD, and he made vague accusations about who started the hashtag. 

I publicly defended a person who thought they were being accused, a friend at the time, and made the only statement about him that I regret and would take back — I commented on his propensity for reblogging posts that emphasize having the right to block people. I shouldn’t have said that, it wasn’t appropriate, and I apologize. Of course everyone has the right to block people for whatever reason they want. I disagree with what I said then and retract it now. 

Back to how I was targeted... Remember that it was my post that someone tagged with another person’s name; another person who had me blocked because of their jealousy about seeing anyone else with Mitch. I never named the person who tagged my post, yet I was deemed the perpetrator. Many months later, Zwei DMed me when we shared a small server to offer the most non-apology apology ever for telling people that I started the hashtag. Thanks, Zwei! Almost makes up for the other lies you told about me!

The second time was my response to the anon I got trying to “educate” me after the Pawel stream. I never referenced PKD or his ship. We’ll come back to this more in-depth later because it’s what PKD keeps using to harass me.

The third time I spoke publicly about PKD was when Silvay (sp?) posted first on Twitter, then later Tumblr. I posted a follow up the next day. I debated not saying anything. I’m an avoidant person. I don’t like conflict. I have a loud bark and no bite. My former team members can attest to this. But when I do... I don’t make public statements I’m not willing to defend, which is why everything I have linked is still published.

I do recommend stopping to read the posts linked here, and even the other posts I reblogged at the time from other people who shared their own experiences with PKD and the fandom. As I said, I don’t make public statements I won’t defend; or at least apologize and issue a public retraction. But, if you want to stay with the present and would rather have the TL;DR: I was regularly vagued about by PKD or his friends/followers, calling me transphobic and homophobic; one accused me of corrective rape; and I got tired of it.

I thought that posting publicly might bring some closure. It was cathartic to finally get it out and stop carrying that shame, and it was reassuring to hear from people who had similar experiences. At the same time, quite a few people made their own posts along the lines of “HE WAS ALWAYS NICE TO ME”. 

Oh, but he’s always been nice to me!

Look me in the eyes. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you truly believe he would be nice to you if you shipped with Mitch. Do you really believe he would? Do you think he would “block and move on” with you, unlike how he did with me?

None of those people shipped with Mitch, or other characters that people in his clique were protective over. A few months later he made a post saying not to tag me with him, and listed off every screenname I had used since I joined fandom, including the very first tumblr name I was assigned in 2021 and kept for several months because I thought it was funny. How’s that for a dog whistle? Want PKD’s attention? Better not tag wash!! [I’m sure there’s a screenshot somewhere but again, I didn’t have the energy to find it.]

By the way, why do I know all this? If I’m blocked, I shouldn’t see anything he posts without circumventing “the system”. We are mutually blocked and I don’t spy on him, or have my friends spy on him. I always knew what was going on because people were always quick to let me know anytime he was vaguing about me. “Friends” who were really concerned about the latest thing he said about me, or thought it was just terrible how people were always attacking my ship and wanted to share that feeling with me, but they only shared those thoughts in private. Slowly I separated myself from people who felt the need to keep me updated on drama, or some of them separated themselves from me and became friends with PKD, to the point that either nothing happened for some time or I just stopped seeing it, at least until last fall.

The last time I talked about him publicly was when I wrote about Fem V Friday in Fall 2023. Through the usual chain of vague posting about vague posts, a third person wrote a vague post and cast aspersions on the origin of Fem V Friday, suggesting it was created out of jealousy. PKD helpfully weighed in about a person named “W”  starting FVF from jealousy and spite, and implied he’s seen things I’ve said about him. I’d love to know what I’ve said, the context in which it was said, and the context in which he was told about what I said. 🤷

My post in response didn’t reference the vague post that spurred its creation, nor what PKD said about me, even though PKD must know my intentions and history better than me. I wrote about my love for Fem V and what drove my continued involvement week to week.

Despite my attempts to keep to my own corner or defend my name, PKD continues to defame and harass me. He has repeatedly dragged other people into his drama, sometimes my friends, just as he did in May when he brought up my anon response again. 

It was over two years ago now that I received the anon to “educate” me on Mitch being gay. I have never believed PKD sent the anon, despite his implications, and I have certainly never told anyone that he did.

Two years ago, a coward came into my inbox on anon and tried to bully me, and instead of spending a day writing five thousand words on “death of the author” and what constitutes canon and refuting the argument that I didn’t want to have, I used that energy to write about my ship in my favorite genre (smut) and published a fic on AO3. Neither my fic nor my response on tumblr referenced Mitch being gay or PKD’s ship. Before we go further, I encourage you to watch the relevant clip from the Pawel stream. It’s only 30 seconds of your time, but those 30 seconds are what PKD and others have used to justify their harassment of me.

The transcript for anyone not inclined to watch:

PKD: Am I right to overanalyze every detail in every place like the gay romance novel in Mitch's tent? Is that intentional? Pawel: My friend, on this stream, you could have learned already that everything is intentional...

The “gay romance novel in Mitch’s tent” is 1000 Beats Per Minute, a shard found all across Night City, nay, the continent as the shard/prop can be found in such locations as All Foods just after you meet Dum Dum, the foot of V’s bed in A10, and So Mi’s Brooklyn apartment. 

The contents of the shard are worth reading, if only for recognizing that the narrator is an ungendered person named “Alex” who is experiencing love for a man for the first time. Is Alex a man or a woman or neither? Whoever they are, Alex is having a queer experience, and to insist that the shard can only be about gay men is to erase a lot of other queer experiences.

Back to my anon response, PKD once again called my response transphobic and homophobic, though I will give him credit for saying he wasn’t calling me trans/homophobic, which is an upgrade from previous posts. He claims that I used the smut that I wrote as my response because I referenced writing “the smuttiest pussy eating smut I could”. I said “pussy eating” not in relation to anything about the claim that Mitch is gay, but as response to the intentions of the anon, which were never good.

The full context of my words: 

Not entirely sure what you were trying to accomplish with this message, anon. Should I pack up my words and keyboard and go home? See if it's too late to return my gaming PC because I can't take screenshots of Mitch anymore? Whatever your goal was, you pushed me to write the smuttiest pussy eating smut I could imagine. You know who wins today? - I do, because I wrote a shitload of words in one day and finished a piece that didn't even exist 8hrs ago - people who want more Fem V/Mitch content do - my meat husband does bc damn, I wrote 1800 words of smut today - not you

PKD is claiming that my description of smut I wrote about my ship is trans/homophobic.

The description of the smut I wrote about a cis bisexual female (Val) whose pussy was eaten by her cis bisexual male partner (Mitch). 

The smut I wrote about my ship, in which no one is trans or gay. 

You cannot apply the lens of PKD’s ship and characters to my writing and call it transphobic or homophobic. That’s not how literary analysis works. That’s not how social justice works.

The truth is that PKD and his mutuals/friends used his ship and beliefs to harass me. 

If that were me and it were my beliefs being used to harass someone on anon, I would demand whoever it was to stop immediately, not only because harassing people over fictional characters is awful and wrong, but good lord, to use me as the excuse? I would be mortified! Instead, PKD and his mutuals/followers used it as evidence of my being a bad person, and after several months of that, I borrowed Silvay’s courage when he posted on Twitter, and shared my own experience.

Now that we have the full background, let’s move on to recent drama and address the Flat Chest body and the wearable pecs mod, and what part I played in the process and when. This next part is for motherherbivore. I wish you had talked to me first. I thought I’d rate high enough for a DM. 

A Brief History of The Flat Chest Body Under Curation of Wash

I reached out to Na in March about helping update the Flat Chest body. I specifically wanted to update it to dynamic to take advantage of AXL’s dynamic clothing and, more importantly to me, reduce the number of clothing overrides I had to install for Hilary; plus I wanted to add toggle feet so I could have better options for shoes. Also I had another OC I’d been kicking around in my head, Grem, that I wanted to make using the flat chest. Grem did debut recently, but he changed drastically from my original vision for him.

Sharing the news with Kitty (shared with permission)

I started working on updating the mod in April but got stuck because I didn’t understand resource patching, even though I was sure it would be easy. :hidethepain: I tried adding the feet too, but everything I did resulted in a seam at the calves. As is all too common with my ADHD, I moved onto something else after getting stuck.

As I mentioned I was interested in dynamic AXL, and wanted to update my custom tee framework for Pride. With dynamic AXL, someone could generate all colors with all logos at once! (220, do not try this at home!) I included the dynamic version of the Flat Chest mesh in the upload to Nexus, even though the Flat Chest body wasn’t ready yet, but as a goal for me to also have it done in June.

I had the UV version working in early June, before the Angel body came out. I don’t remember if we already knew about the body’s existence at that point, but the community outcry against yet another unrealistic and fetishistic body mod sustained me in updating a mod that appealed to a small subset of fandom.

The message I sent to Na the morning I got it working

I got the UV version working first, since that’s what Hilary uses, then took a look at toggle feet again. After further investigation using both UV and VTK bodies, I realized there would always be a seam because the bodies were drastically different from the current body; they were completely different meshes underneath, and the seams would never line up properly. 

At that point I decided to release the functioning dynamic version without toggle feet, as I wanted to get it out for Pride. I reached out to mhb to test, as had always been my intention. For me Sanctuary is the most iconic OC to use the Flat Chest. After some technical difficulties I figured out that she used the vanilla version, and came back a few days later with a functioning vanilla version. I released my update once I had assembled the necessary files and pics from the testers, mhb included.

Later when PKD released the refits for his pecs, someone commented that the vanilla refits worked for the Flat Chest body. That’s been my only interest in his pecs mod — because people who use the Flat Chest were interested in having more clothing options. The release of the so-called “Flat Chest Detector” meant that Flat Chest body users wouldn’t be able to use the clothing refit for his wearable pecs, because it required using his pecs, which clipped with tattoos and cyberware — as is expected because it’s not a body mod, as he himself said on the mod page.

As the representative for the Flat Chest body, I agreed when streetkid-named-desire (Rat) asked me to be involved in the conversation with Berdagon about adapting their “Flat Chest” detector to recognize the Flat Chest body. Rat drove this conversation. I don’t say this to dump responsibility on them. In fact, I visited them last weekend and we talked through the situation. I suggested to Rat that I could have urged them to slow down, but they refused to let me take that responsibility, and at the end of the day they’re right — I can only control my own actions.

I do have one regret and one opportunity where I could have acted differently: when Rat asked Berdagon about the original script, Rat very explicitly asked whether the script was commissioned by PKD, and if so, Rat stated they were willing to pay to make changes; Berdagon never answered the question, and I wish I had pushed for an answer. Perhaps that could have prevented the entire situation; we could have stopped right then. While Berdagon never mentioned payment, Rat was so excited by how quickly they implemented the requested changes that they tipped them for the work.

Berdagon, the original script writer, owed PKD the responsibility to check in before modifying something that PKD paid for. Yes, Berdagon does have responsibility here as a professional who took money for a commission. When they didn’t answer the question, I could have stopped the process and pushed for an answer. I would have stopped things immediately upon hearing the answer that the script had been commissioned by PKD. PKD could still have been outraged at Rat asking for changes, but there wouldn’t have been fandom-wide drama about a body that only a dozen people use.

That’s the responsibility I will take — I, as a professional who works with consultants and freelancers, could have taken steps to ensure that everyone was acting professionally, including the person who received money twice to work on the same script.

Because I feel the need to be thorough in my explanation, here’s a simplified timeline of the release of the Flat Chest mod compared to the wearable pecs:

Late March - I receive files from Na for Flat Chest

April - I get stuck, stop working on it

April-May - I figure out dynamic AXL and convert tee framework

June 3 - I have a working dynamic UV Flat Chest

In response to outcry over the Angel body, PKD makes a poll asking what body types people want refits for and excludes Flat Chest body as an option

In response to people commenting over why Flat Chest wasn’t included, PKD explains he won’t support the body and that he would support a different Flat Chest body if someone made it

June 10 - I share the UV version for testing with several people. Two of those people, including mhb, use vanilla. I didn’t realize that, and because I didn’t name the file `UV` it took a long time to troubleshoot why things weren’t working

PKD releases the pecs

I share vanilla for testing

I post Flat Chest 2.0 before the end of June

I didn’t use you, mhb. I asked you to test because, like I said above and on Nexus, Sanctuary is the Flat Chest character for me. I asked you to test because I make mods for my friends first and foremost, and I thought you were my friend. I thought you were my friend because we’d known each other for several years now, and because of shared experiences and conversations we’ve had. I’ve been wrong before about who is a friend, and this one stings a lot.

I’m tired. I am 30 or 40 (or 50) years old and I do not need this. I have a career and a job I love, and an amazing partner who I’ve been with for a third of my life now. I have friends and hobbies in meatspace and friends who share those hobbies, and the real truth is, if I was actually trans/homophobic, well, that number would be tiny, but it’s not. I have a life that I love and that is full of joy. Most people in fandom only know the smallest fraction of the real wash, and I do not take pleasure in being targeted in a public fandom “feud”.

PKD, I say this with all the kindness I can muster for another human being who is clearly hurting: please get help. Go to therapy or see a psychiatrist or use whatever tools you can access. This obsession you have with me and my ship is not healthy for you, and your repeated pattern of bullying has hurt me and people close to me, just as your need to rehash old fandom drama hurts the community.

[autisticandroids]

Seeing as you provide every interesting in depth spn analysis I'm probably coming to the wrong person for something so possibly surface level but I'm rewatching spn and would really love something to keep notes on, so is there any interesting phenomena in there you think would be worth keeping an eye on?

i received this, like, a month ago 🥴 sorry. anyway.

so, first of all. i'm flattered but i have also always been a little uncomfortable with the superlatives people attach to my name. the reason people think of me as some kind of spn scholar is a result of four factors, give or take: first, i make a lot of posts. in the year after november fifth i made something like five thousand posts. i know because i tag all my spn posts spn. and a lot of those posts were half a sentence! or an ask i answered with emojis! but it's still a lot of posts. the second reason is that i'm kind of a last man standing. a lot of the big name post-nov fifth destiel fandom crowd has kind of evaporated in search of newer, shinier things; my fascination was more enduring, so i still get the credit. the third reason has to do with like... i have slightly different tastes than the average spn fandom person and so the things i pay attention to are different and so my takes are unique. there were a lot of blogs that were bigger than me that people don't remember as much because their takes were more in line with conventional fanon (and therefore more similar to other people's and less memorable), whereas mine, because i have specific interests and am an incurable contrarian, were more unique and therefore people remembered who i was. fourth, and here we are down to the meat of the issue, i speak very authoritatively and use a lot of big words when i'm excited about something so people think i'm right.

i guess what i'm saying is don't take me so seriously.

now that my narcissism is out of the way, let's talk about themes in supernatural.

first of all, the thing about supernatural is that it has three hundred and twenty seven episodes organized into fifteen seasons, written by fifty three different writers supervised by four different showrunners and that's just the writing! that doesn't even mention directing, or acting, or producing... personally i like to say that i can feel when the story editor changes! so there really is... almost nothing you can get out of the whole show as a text that isn't incredibly broad and/or vague and/or boring. "they say family a lot" yeah they sure do. "it's a reactionary macho fantasy" like every other show from 2005. "they kill all the women" mmmmhm. like, basically every consistent element of spn as a story is a result of either classic genre cliches from the scifi or procedural or teenie bopper genres, very basic conclusions from the premise, or just the material nature of the behind the scenes of supernatural. they're going on a case instead of working on the main apocalypse of the season because this is a monster of the week show. cas has gone away again because they don't want to pay misha collins. quiet emotional scenes get dropped from the script because they don't serve the plot. and while there's some interesting things you can get out of these elements - one piece of analysis i've been thinking about a lot lately is this video about the mcu that argues that the classic serialized storytelling logic of constant escalation leads inherently to a fascist politics, and i think this point applies very well to supernatural - it only goes so far. it's interesting if you want to look at how the show exists in the wider politics of the real world. it's not that interesting if you want to sit with the show supernatural in its particular uniqueness.

so basically my recommendation, first of all, is to divide the show up into chunks. there are some obvious chunks - by season, by showrunner. most people do these. i would also recommend other methods, for example tying together some adjacent seasons. for example, even though season eleven is technically carver era and season twelve is technically dabb era, i would argue that seasons eleven and twelve have more in common in terms of tone and style than eleven has with 8/9/10 or twelve has with 13/14/15. seasons four, five, and six have a lot in common in terms of tone and themes that they don't share with seven or the first three. i would also recommend paying attention to the individual writers; their bodies of work will usually have more in common with themselves than with the episodes around them in terms of character, tone, and theme. for example, in season six, ben edlund creates a whole other arc about the angel civil war that he wants the season to have that exists only in his episodes, and none of the other writers really pick up what he's putting down so he's kind of left hanging. you can see all sorts of patterns like this if you sit down and look, and i would recommend doing that. maybe you can be the first guy to memorize all the directors and have Thoughts.

and then the next thing i would say is just... pick some themes you want to iterate on. so for example: one of my favorite themes to contemplate is a theme that season six almost has - dean believing that it is his job to protect ben and lisa, which justifies anything he might want to do to them, or anyone else.

----

man everything above that line is an ask i half answered then forgot about in july of 2023. i NEED to check my drafts more often

[hetalia-club]

I'm not normally one to rant or anything but here goes.

I hesitate to tag this. but I feel it needs to be said, in fact I feel it HAS to be said or I think this fandom is just going to be done for within the next 5 or so years. People need to read this and understand what is happening within the fandom and not continue this behavior or turn a blind eye to it.

This fandom has a SERIOUS problem. I don't say that lightly either. I feel like 99% of this fandom are sweet and caring people. but we have that 1%.

This 1% is killing the community in this fandom. How is it okay to message someone, demand they make a statement on THEIR blog and when they say they don't want to talk about it you then tell them you wish they would die a horrible death?

TW for suicide and SA! (you have been warned) Long rant below. (preempted note to let everyone know that I am fine, I am not posting this for people to feel bad for me. I am using my own experiences as examples, but this is not a 'me' issue this is a fandom issue)

Why is that so normalized here? The vague blogging and the call to arms people in this fandom do is actually disgusting. Picking one person and just beating them down until they eventually leave the fandom and at the SAME people will be like. "Why is the Hetalia fandom so small?" Who wants to be in a fandom where making one statement that's not even bad could get you death threats?

I don't think the fandom realizes how hurtful what they say can be. Sure you might not have liked a post someone made because you disagreed. Well then scroll down, hit the block button and carry on with your life. Why do some of you feel it is acceptable behavior to make mass posts calling out someone or going into their inbox to tell them you wish they would kill themselves?

I say I don't like Spamano and people say they want me dead. I say I don't want to talk about IRL politics on my parody Hetalia blog and my life and entire country is threatened.

I say we shouldn't insert our ships into everyone's lives and let people ship what they want and not feel forced to appease you. and you guessed it people wish terrible things onto me and my body.

I feel the only way this behavior will change is if we start calling it out more. I know it will feel repetitive but I think ignoring it is only making it worse at this point.

I know a lot of people would read this and think "If you don't like it then leave the fandom" well YOU'RE the issue. This is not normal behavior. These are not actions of someone who is mentality well. Why should I leave a fandom I've been in for 10 years because some idiot cannot handle that I don't like shipping characters together? How is that impacting their life at all?

a few months ago I made a post and it was highjacked and someone totally just took it over and added their own thing onto it talking about SA. Totally out of left field not related to what I posted at all. I simply messaged them and asked them if they could please remove the comment as I am a survivor of SA and it don't think it was funny or appropriate to add onto my post and they just said. "No I can say anything I want to. I was talking about Hetalia so it's fine." like what do you mean no!? Who responds that way? What a normal considerate person would do is say "I'm sorry of course! I can just go make my own post." but no they just left it there. It's still there, won't say which post or who it was because it doesn't matter anymore.

But this is the kind of behavior I'm talking about. This weird entitlement of everyone being so defensive and angry all the time. Just wanting to pick a fight over nothing. You never know if simply saying something like (Example) "I don't really like Austria" Could land you 100 anons all saying they wanted you to off yourself. It's like a game of Russian roulette. It's a very stressful environment for a big creator to be in. All it really takes is the wrong person to see a post you made and disagreed with and all of a sudden they are making posts about you without mentioning your name but are CLEARLY about you saying "This person hates all Austrians, they are a neo-nazi and we should all block them and send them hate and also let's just reword what they said to make it sound 100x worse because people won't read the original post and they will just believe us." Who would want to be a creator in an environment like that?

would you believe me if I told you I still to this day am getting someone in my inbox calling for my r*pe because of the stupid fucking beauty pageant poll I did? Is that not insanity? Who is that person? Wtf is their life? I personally could not imagine sending hate to anyone for any reason, and if I did it would be off of anon and I would say it with my chest. Because in order for someone to push it that far they would have to saying some absolutely terrible stuff to make me take time from my day and life to give them negative energy.

The fandom is shrinking because of the 1% driving them away. They come after artists who draw a character in a way they don't like. They come after writers for depicting a character in a way they disagree with. They go after shippers for portraying their ship 'wrong'. They will comment on people's fun little head canons and just leave the rudest most unnecessary comments thinks like "He wouldn't do that" like okay?? Thanks for your insert betty sue. And it's always when you were never trying to set someone off is when they lose their minds. They do not understand even if a blog is big and has a lot of followers it is still THAT creators blog. they are a person not an identity who just churns out content for just you and they have to say and do whatever you want.

Another thing the 1% like to do on here is they will wait for you to say something and then they will jump to attack a person who does the thing you said you dislike and they will tell that person "blog name XYZ said you are a horrible person and I agree kill yourself" That one is a near direct quote I got not too long ago. I got several like that and actually had to message said creator and say "Why are you mad at me?" and they were completely confused, had no idea how they decided to attack me because of what they said. When I tell you that the 1% are sitting there frothing at the mouth wanting to send hate and death threats I mean that 100%

It's not JUST me either. All creators in the Hetalia fandom I'm sure could tell you about upsetting hate they received and had no idea what they even did or said wrong. I have spoken to former Hetalia blogs ones who I used to call my pals before I went on my hiatus and came back. They all said they left not because they started hating Hetalia but they left for their mental health because the 1% got too bold and unchecked. This was never an issue before quarantine. I know it brought a lot of new fans and that's great! But I also feel along with bringing in some wonderful people it brought in some really dark minded people as well. Saying "Just disable anons and move on" is also not a solution. these people are still here and if they're not bothering me or you they are tormenting someone else because that's what these people do. That 'someone else' may only need the tiniest nudge at the edge and they may just actually hurt themselves. You don't know people. You don't know what everyone is going through. You don't know what someone's life is like outside of here.

PLEASE Please! stop telling people to kill themselves. Stop telling people to go get R**ed in a gutter. Get some help talk to a therapist, a friend, a trusted teacher, a life coach, your parents, your sibling. anyone! And if you don't have anyone in your life you can talk to you can message me and we can talk about what you're going through. I'm sure any other Hetalian on here would say the same thing. Bloggers are real people.

International suicide hotlines

Website to help you find a therapist in your own country and in your price range

I know I will more than likely get hate for posting this. Which is upsetting to just know is going to happen but someone needs to say this because it's getting kind of out of control these last couple months I feel.

if you read this through reblog it, spread it around let the people who NEED to see it see it.

[vestigialpersonality]

For the fanfic end of year asks, how about 3, 7, 14 and 24?

tyty 💙💙💙

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year That Alfira Scene (Chapter 10 of Aria of Will). It can be really challenging to write your own version of a pivotal scene from the main canon, but I think more than any other key scene I've incorporated that I managed to make this one uniquely horrifying.

7. longest completed fic you wrote this year Troubled Skies, clocking in at 20,298 words.

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write Distillation. There is absolutely no question about it. I'd never written anything even vaguely spicy before this year, and somehow not only have I written four Explicit fics, this one is 6k of monsterfucking.

Though if I'm really being honest...I didn't expect to write ANY fic this year. Or get back into fandom on any level. I've written more fic in 2024 than I have from 2008-2023 combined.

24. favorite fic you read this year This is a loaded question and you know it! According to my magic reading spreadsheet I've read over 600 fics this year and rated 132 of them as Five Star. I picked one from every month, but this was genuinely hard considering how many fics I've loved this year. I should probably start a rec blog or something.

January: Open Me Up by @what-immortal-hand-or-eye. Trigun, Vashwood. I had Feelings. And I can't even pretend that the formatting didn't have a heavy influence on my own writing style.

February: Disco at the End of Time by Sarielle. Disco Elysium, Harry/Kim. Third part in a trilogy that I wholeheartedly recommend to EVERYONE, even fandom blind.

March: Whatever Happened to Jack Zimmermann? by ronandhermy. Check Please, Jack/Kent. Everyone here should already know I'm a sucker for atypical formatting and this one grabbed me.

April: The Hearts and Minds of Evil Men series by DoubleYouTeeEff. BG3, TavTash. Ricco has lived rent free in my brain for 8 months and doesn't seem to be going anywhere fast.

May: Breathe by @picathartidae BG3, Durgestarion. It's still going and it's always a delight when I get a subscription email for it.

June: Letters by mycolalia. BG3, Durgetash (ish). An epistolary that also uses the endnotes as part of the fic. Its FASCINATING.

July: The Diamond by @bharv BG3, Gortash/Lady Jannath. 6.5k of politics and transactional relationships...all inspired by a single note in BG3.

August: Force Immunity by @allconsumingrot BG3, Durgetash. I've reread it uhm. several times this year.

September: Reunited by @vialae BG3, Durgetash. I'm a sucker for fics about them attempting to reconnect after the brain damage, and the realization that Durge is no longer quite who they used to be, but this one hit me harder than most.

October: Taste of Bhaalspawn by @drones-art. BG3, Durgetash. My weird kinks are showing and I'm not sorry. This one bluescreened my brain.

November: in his voice i heard decay by @baronvontribble Fallout 3&4, Harkness/Sole Survivor. I'm admittedly a few chapters behind current because I've been busy with moving, but I was so excited I practically threw up when I saw that he was writing about Ted again.

Haven't had a chance to read much of anything in December yet because my entire life for the last 2 weeks has been unpacking boxes and building flatpack furniture.

I also did some annual rereads of personal favorites that will never not be recs. Specifically

The Adults in the Room by @strawberry-jan Yakuza, Kashiwagi/Yayoi. Adults having complicated, messy, ugly feelings.

The Way of All Flesh by @supaslim Fallout: New Vegas, Gen. I've reread this series every 12-18 months for the past decade and whenever I'm not reading it, it's always in the back of my mind haunting me like an intrusive thought.

And now that I've taken the time to try to choose a fic for every month, I'm now mad I had to choose. So yeah. I'm gonna make a rec blog. 💀

[amazingmsme]

Hey there! I'm so sorry in advance for such a long ask 😂

I'm super new to Epic (like, started getting into it 2-3 weeks ago) and have very slowly been working my way through all the sagas. I haven't gotten through all of it yet—I'm trying to take it in as gradually as possible so I can appreciate and savor every last bit 🤌 As a music nerd, theater kid, and mythology lover I can safely say I haven't been THIS obsessed with something in a long time. This musical has a death-grip on me and is not planning on letting up any time soon 🙃

1. Just wanted to say that you and some of the other t-fic writers have been FEEDING me the last few days with your content 🙏 I was so worried that there wasn't going to be anything for epic in this community lol. So thank you!!

2. I saw that you have an ongoing fic (rtwrh), but I can't find anywhere that says what it's actually about! (I can't seem access your wattpad masterpost through the link in your blog description) Mind filling me in..? What's the story about?

3. If you see me going through and liking dozens of your posts at once but not reblogging, it's just my way of bookmarking or saving for later! Once I finish the other sagas I haven't listened to yet (wisdom & vengeance), I'll be back!! Right now I'm trying to avoid reading fics that I know I won't have the context for. :)

No worries, I don’t mind! You’re all good!

First of all WELCOME TO THE FANDOM! I’m so glad you found us! This really is just the beginning, & I can’t wait to see whatever Jay has planned! & I feel you, I was a huge theatre kid, music is everything to me, & Greek mythology has always scratched that perfect itch in my brain, even if I never dove super deep into it but maybe now’s my chance to really lean into it & this has been my top obsession for a whole year now, & there’s no sign of it stopping anytime soon lol. Trust me, the epic chokehold is one strong motherfucker

1. You’re so very welcome!! I love being able to provide some much needed fluff for this fandom because good lord do we all need it! I remember when I first got into it there was literally just a handful of us sharing headcanons on this blog & then it really started to pop off & more fics started popping up. It’s been so much fun watching as the fandom continues to grow within this lil community of ours ☺️

2. KDVXLKDHAKSI YES AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT MY MOST FAVORITEST FIC OF ALL TIME!!! Ok so Restless ‘Til We Reach Home is my ghost!polites au & it’s an ongoing fic I started last year & began syncing up chapter drops with the saga release dates. It’s the first chaptered fic I’ve vaguely planned out the whole plot for & have a specific end in mind that I hope y’all will be happy with. There’s 5 chapters out now & I’m already 5k into chapter 6, but we last left off with the end of thunder bringer (with my own twist of course) & left off with a cliffhanger of Polites in Tartarus.

A lot has happened in the fic so far, but we start in the middle of the underworld saga & follow a ghostly Polites through Hades as he finds his way back to his friends & crew. Obvi Odysseus has since changed & isn’t so quick to believe Polites is actually real, & I tried to heavily imply that the song Monster already took place. Hermes makes a few appearances to lighten the mood & comfort Polites

Converting all the different songs into written scenes has been my favorite part & really helps me to plan & visualize where I want the story to go. I loved making the mash up of Suffering/Wait for Me, that scene made me feral lol. Plot wise, we’ve covered the entire Thunder Saga & chapter 6 starts off with Legendary & so far I’ve already gotten through Little Wolf as well! I’m hoping to get to God Games by chapter 7, I have some really fun plans for that!

I have a lot of headcanons in my ghost!polites tag if you’re interested in hearing more about his ghostly shenanigans. They’re a lot more light hearted than the actual fic lmao

3. You’re good, I love seeing people go through my blog & liking stuff! The way you’re spacing out listening is kinda like simulating the experience of the saga releases & I think that’s cool!

[rollercoasterwords]

Hi! I found your blog through the female rage substack article that you posted and I’m curious about a couple things (so I hope the tone of this ask will read as genuine/non-confrontational etc).

I really liked the article and the anti-gender essentialist content, so I looked through the others and eventually found your jegulus article (which I read and also liked) but I was sort of surprised to see that you are a part of the hp/marauders fandom. For me personally, everything related to that franchise has just been tainted since the whole jkr terf debacle really took off. I was big on hp when I was younger and wolfstar is a ship/dynamic that I enjoyed back then, so I’d probably like your stuff if I were to read it. But I decided some time ago to give any and all hp content the chop, because to me it didn’t feel right to engage with it anymore. So I was just wondering how you feel in that regard, if you don’t mind sharing. I don’t have anyone in my internet content circle that still actively posts about hp and if irl friends still enjoy it then it’s not something we talk about, so I’d just like to know how you juggle the ‘two sides’ in that sense of your trans-positive/anti-essentialist beliefs and fandom content that’s still so intrinsically connected to jkr and her politics. (Also, sorry if you’ve answered a question like this before. I scrolled through your blog a bit, but if yes then not far enough.)

Anyway, hope you’re well and I’ll probably keep an eye out for any future essays on your substack even if I don’t follow you on here. cheers! (and thanks for the “playing the whore” book rec, I’ll be looking into that. a rec from my end would be paul b. preciado's "can the monster speak". it's the written version of a speech he tried to give at a Freudian psychoanalysis conference about the position trans people occupy in psychoanalysis before being booed off stage. it was short and pretty intriguing, in case you're interested/haven't heard of it yet.)

hi! happy 2 hear u enjoyed the female rage essay--i wasn't expecting it to spread as much as it did + had to turn off reblogs for my own peace of mind 2 keep terfs away from my blog, but it's nice to know there are still people getting something out of it. also appreciate the book rec--that definitely sounds up my alley + i'm excited to check it out!

and i'll do my best to answer your question about hp, but i'm gonna put it under a cut because i know this is a contentious topic + i have a feeling my answer's gonna get long--so if anyone doesn't want 2 read abt my conflicting hp-fandom thoughts, just scroll away please xx

so, quite honestly, i'm in agreement with you that the entire franchise is tainted by jkr. the truth is that it was never really my intention to join the fandom--i read a single fic because it went viral on tiktok, then decided to rewrite the fic from another character's pov just for fun. at that point, i hadn't read any other hp fic and had never been involved in any kind of online fandom space, and although i'd read the hp books + watched the movies growing up i hadn't touched them in years + was so far removed from the franchise that i vaguely remembered hearing jkr had said some terfy stuff, but wasn't aware of the extent to which her politics were like. actively and significantly causing real-life harm.

anyway, i'd done a rewrite for fun of another story i liked and had posted it on ao3, and that had received a handful of people commenting + talking about the story with me as i wrote but had remained pretty self-contained + small. i was expecting the same sort of thing with the hp fic i rewrote, but instead someone posted about it on tiktok and it went viral, and then suddenly there were thousands of people reading every ch update and hundreds of comments. like i said, i had never been involved in an online fandom space before, so i sort of awkwardly stumbled into it and tried to figure out what i was doing as i finished up writing the fic. this was at a point in my life where i'd recently moved to a different country and had to go back in the closet after being publicly out for years, and this online fandom space became my only queer community and a bit of a lifeline in that way. i started making actual friends and talking to people + getting more deeply involved in the community aspect of things.

at the same time, i started actually educating myself on jkr + her politics + her impact, and the more i learned the more uncomfortable i became with being part of anything hp-related. now, i've been writing hp fic for almost two years and 'active' in the fandom for ~one and a half, and despite being grateful for the friends i've made and treasuring the space i've been able to cultivate, i've become increasingly disenchanted with 'the fandom' as a whole and have increasingly found it to be a hostile space, so i've sort of taken a step back from broader engagement and more + more have limited my interaction to just my mutuals here on tumblr. unfortunately, i think many of the 'bad parts' of this fandom are somewhat built-in because of the source material; there are a lot of people who agree with jkr's politics to varying extents and that can make it kind of a miserable place to be sometimes. i know many people insist that hp can be completely removed from jkr, but i don't think that's the case, and i've talked on my blog before about the fact that her politics are built into the very foundations of the text, so i think it's necessary to acknowledge her influence if we want to actually engage with hp at all in a way that isn't just perpetuating her politics.

all that being said, the point i'm at currently is that i'm not really sure that this fandom is a space i want to be a part of forever. again--i understand how it can be lifeline for some people and a queer community they might not have elsewhere, because that's been the case for me. but for me personally, as much as i value my own carved-out space, it doesn't completely outweigh the negatives that i have found myself coming into contact with more and more in this fandom. writing hp fic is also something that i keep strictly separate from 'real life,' contained solely in this online space, because i know that any engagement with hp is a red flag for many, many trans people and i don't want to bring it outside of this space. within this online space, i don't keep it a secret that i write hp fic; it's right at the top of my blog so that anyone who wants to can easily block and unfollow me. i only post my fics on ao3, where they are clearly tagged as harry potter fanfiction, and i only post about hp fic + fandom stuff on this blog, which was specifically created for that purpose. i've requested that people no longer post about my hp fics on platforms like tiktok where the algorithm could send it out onto anyone's fyp, and that request is also in my pinned faq. keeping my hp fic as contained as possible to only people who are already engaging with hp fic is one way that i try to mitigate any harm that might be caused by my fics contributing to hp's ongoing popularity.

the other ways i try to mitigate potential harm are by actively discouraging people from giving any financial support to hp + jkr and by being very vocal about my politics on this page, so that anyone who is following me will be getting pro-trans and anti-gender essentialism politics along with any hp engagement. i also don't engage with hp uncritically; i am specifically critical of the shitty politics in the books both in my posts on this blog and my fics themselves. i don't make it a secret that i think the books are politically rotten all the way down through to the foundations.

none of this is to say that there's, like...a Right Way to engage with this content or a set of rules that, if followed, Absolve All Shittiness. this is just an explanation of the personal evaluations i've had to weigh when it comes to deciding how i'm going to interact with content that is fundamentally opposed to my own politics. and again, i don't blame people who think that any amount of engagement is morally untenable and completely block it out. this is a growing source of cognitive dissonance in my own life, and i'm increasingly considering whether/for how much longer i want to continue to write fic + be involved in hp fandom. but for the time being, i'm still here + still writing fic, and i guess my feeling is that any harm that fic causes is a drop in the bucket, and even if i were to stop writing it wouldn't necessarily have a huge impact either way. i'm just some random guy online like everyone else; even though i talk about politics, that doesn't mean that i'm asking to be held up as some sort of moral standard, nor do i think anyone should be expected to be 100% politically perfect in every action they take--like, for me, writing hp fic kind of falls into the same category as like...eating mcdonalds even though i think factory farming is fucked, or buying + wearing makeup sometimes even though i think the beauty industry is fundamentally corrupt, or paying to see the new guardians of the galaxy movie in theaters even though i think marvel movies are us military propaganda. i don't think "no ethical consumption under capitalism" is an excuse to completely abandon any attempt to mitigate the harm our actions might cause, but it does matter to me the way in which someone is engaging with a fundamentally broken/corrupt piece of media beyond simply whether or not they're engaging at all. at the end of the day, it's up to everyone on their own to evaluate where they draw the line on hp, and i am not looking to make that judgment for anybody else considering that my own thoughts + feeling about it are still changing.

[bookofmirth]

I had thoughts about the acotar fandom and fandom etiquette and I'm not sorry.

I genuinely wonder if people wandered into the acotar fandom last year, after having read acosf, and didn't understand what corner of the internet they ended up in. Fandom is inherently very queer, in the broadest sense of the word. In the Judith Butler sense. Not just that there are gays everywhere, but there are disabled and neurodivergent and minoritized identities. We are here looking for more from canon, not just reinforcement that what we thought about canon was right. Fandom has existed for a long time to give stories to people who never saw themselves in the story, or who felt constricted by the mainstream, who felt like there wasn't a place for them in the media they consumed.

So when I see the acotar fandom being snide about "crackships" - though that's not an insult, it's just a description of how likely the pairing is in canon - and when I see the acotar fandom acting like shipping is a political stance/social justice cause, or when I see this fandom not understanding that you can ship things that have not been confirmed on the page, I have to wonder - where do these people think they are???

The most important thing about fandom imo is that there are no rules other than the number 1 rule: you are in control of your experience. That means that you block tags, or people, or follow tags, or people, or create, or consume, or whatever it is you want, but you cannot try to force your version of fandom on anyone else. If you don't like how someone else is engaging in the fandom, you block them and move on. It's that simple. There is no such thing as fandom police, it's every person for themselves. If you personally cannot stand the idea of Elain and Mor, then block that tag. If you really feel incredibly strongly about it, then block the people who use that tag. It's super simple, and it's been fandom practice for... literally decades now.

The acotar fandom has actually made this rule quite difficult in the past year because, for example, I have blocked upwards of 150 people on tumblr, and yet I know that some of those people continue to stalk my blog and make posts vaguing me. I've made my boundaries clear, those boundaries have been disrespected, and I know I am not the only one who experiences this. At least two times, people have taken me blocking them as a "challenge" to still try to interact with me despite the block. Thus far, my choices are to either attack those people head on, or act like they don't exist. I quite like pretending that they don't exist because those people are a waste of my time. However, I am not the only person they do this to and I know that turning the other cheek isn't that easy all the time, especially when certain people are so aggressive about being assholes.

The fact that people get mad at other users blocking them, that just baffles me. Again, blocking people is a time-honored and necessary tradition in fandom. You do not have to scroll through content you don't want, and having a presence in the fandom doesn't mean you have to allow all people access to your content! "This person blocked a bunch of us so we can't interact!" Yes, well, that's the point! They have drawn a line in the sandbox, you are not entitled to interact with whomever you want, and you should definitely respect the fact that someone has, for literally whatever reason they want, decided that they don't want to interact with you. The audacity of people getting mad about being blocked - is that harming you, somehow? Is that preventing you from screaming whatever you want to scream on your own blog? No? So what's the problem, exactly?

no 👏 one 👏 here 👏 owes 👏 you 👏 anything 👏

Disrespecting people's right to ship or headcanon or imagine whatever the fuck they want is another way that this rule continues to be violated. People are allowed to dislike/like whatever they want. Again, this is all about the only rule, you are in charge of your experience. Shaming people for what they like - whether it's a fluffy crackship or an abusive rarepair - is not okay. If you don't like something, then it's on you to block the content. It's not on you to show people the "error" of their ways because that's literally the opposite of why we are here!

It is not okay to tell other people how to exist in the fandom, and this moralistic high ground that people are taking in order to justify their shaming of other people is especially not it. That's the exact rationale that people are now using to say that in certain schools in the U.S., the idea of queer people existing is verboten. Why, oh why, do people think it's okay to come into one of the queerest space on the internet, and start throwing around morality-based arguments, when those types of morality-based argument are being used IRL to silence us??? Because people ended up in fandom and had no idea where they were (and apparently, still don't).

We exist in fandom (in part) because we already feel like there isn't a place for us in the mainstream. We are not going to allow a bunch of people who are so stuck up their ass in heteronormativity and whiteness and canon, to tell us what we can and cannot ship in fandom, a space that was historically made by and for queer people.

Example: if you don't like a specific ship, then you block that tag. The end. Maybe you talk about why you, personally, are not into it. We all have squicks. but you do not shame people for liking it, or try to tell them how and why it's bad that they like it. There is a HUGE difference between saying "here is why I don't like this" and saying "no one should ever like this!"

Fandom has etiquette, including tagging things appropriately, but the flip side of that is the understanding that tagging is a privilege, not a right. Fandom functions on the assumption that we are each looking out for one another by tagging content appropriately, but the second part of that assumption is that we do not tell one another what to do - if someone breaks rule number 1, then you decide if that bothers you or not. You cannot force them to comply, but you can block their ass. This is only tangentially related, but still relevant. It's still part of the whole "you are in control of your own experience" rule that we all live by.

I guess the whole point of this is to say: live and let live, y'all.

If someone draws a boundary, respect that.

Learn how to draw your own boundaries.

Stop being so freaking stuck on canon because that is not why we are here.

And have a gay gay gay gay day.

[shadowsong26fic]

Coming Attractions!

Once again, I don’t have a whole lot of updates, alas. But this year is already looking more active, writing-wise, than last year, so I have high hopes!

Plug for my writing discord if you’d like to hang out--it’s pretty quiet, especially lately, but is more or less intended to be a more interactive extension of this blog.

Also, we’ll go ahead and do an open question night! Anything I’ve posted about here or on AO3 is fair game. My askbox is always open, but tonight I’m around and keeping at least a vague eye on it. I do take prompts, but I do not promise to fulfil them in a timely manner, lol.

Precipice!Verse

Probably won’t be out this month, especially since I really need to kick into gear on my BB project, but I have not abandoned it--I’ve put too much into this to abandon it, lol.

SWBB:

Based on feedback from my last question post, I am going to do something where Padme’s ship never landed on Tatooine (they got their repairs elsewhere, I guess) and Anakin and Ahsoka meet and have an Adventure during the Clone War. Specifics to be determined, but it’ll be a fun ride, I’m sure. XD

OTP Meme:

I am very proud of myself for getting all five done last month! And I know...more or less what I’m doing for four of the five for this month (figuring out the Specifics for one of those four, and as yet Undecided for the fifth). I’m really glad I decided to do this, it’s definitely getting me to get stuff out.

The Other Battlestar:

Still needs a better title; but I really do think I’ll get started posting this month (I know I keep saying that but shhh). Not a formal teaser, but because there are some Key OCs in order to make the plot work, so a little bit of info on them!

Vance Kimble - around fifty; actor; went to college with Wallace Gray; will take Baltar’s Politics storylines (which, within the bounds of how far I want to go here, means Caprica’s representative on the Quorum and eventually VP; but if I do change my mind and go past the Pegasus arc, he’ll also team up with Zarek to run for President)

Atia Reyes-Baltar - will take Baltar’s Science storylines (because there is no way to build someone who can do Both the way he does); also at least part of the reason he doesn’t end up on Boomer’s Raptor (because he’s looking for her, he takes a different route when he flees his house)

Daphne Reed - Senior Medical Officer on Pegasus. ...yep, not much else to say about her that doesn’t Give Things Away, lol.

Cornelius Felden - highest-ranking Marine officer on Pegasus (tentatively a Captain since who the fuck knows how Marine officer ranks work we have never seen a Marine commissioned officer); originally from Aerilon.

Simon O’Neill - no, not that one. Or that one. ...no, not that one, either. sorry I couldn’t resist Officially a pediatrician; part of the civilian fleet that Pegasus strips; gets drafted for his medical degree. ((also is there. like. a Convention for tagging Cylon OCs? Especially ones that use their model’s Shared Name?))

There’s an additional selectee for Daphne’s department but Simon is the important one; Ileana Fortuna (an old OC of mine, one of Zarek’s aides) may also make an appearance here and there but will probably not be Significant.

...I think that covers pretty much everything I have in the Immediate pipeline; but there are other things percolating on a more long-range timescale (actually doing a SW/BSG crossover; some of my other SW-alone projects, expanding on a couple of the AUs I’m building for the OTP meme fills, etc.) So...there it is! Relatively short update, like I said, lol.

Also, not writing, but I dug up some old BSG fanmixes I made my first time around in the fandom, and made some Comments about them on my personal blog, if you’re curious: Season 3 mix; Cylon ship mix; Baltar/Six mix.

[nerves-nebula]

does the 18+ on your blog description mean only people 18+ can follow you?

Sorry I get confused easily ahdhhaha

its mostly just a way of me saying that *I'm* 18+ cuz I don't wanna list my actual age, but I do want the 18+ accounts I follow to not block me and to know that I'm of age, hah.

It's also a way of saying if you follow me, don't be super surprised if I post anything nsfw or Serious Real Shit about my personal trauma/political stuff. Though to be honest I haven't really done that. the closest I've come is some vague vents. Actually I'm surprised how lighthearted I've managed to keep this blog! It's mostly just fandom shit and my random whining. Last time I had a blog I updated regularly it was like 80% venting.

but to get back to your point: I don't really vet the people who follow me, so no you don't have to be 18+ to follow, but you do gotta use your own discretion cuz this isn't an entirely Kids Safe Zone or anythin.

[jacobsnicket]

friday night tea party

Prompt No: #2 “You have no proof.”

Fandom: The Secret Series

Rating: T (for a singular use of the word “dick”)

Warnings: n/a

Read on AO3

It’s a quiet Friday evening, late enough in the year that the leaves have decided to fall but early enough that it’s not overly cold. The Nuts Table regulars (plus Benjamin — it’s difficult to figure out whether he counts as a regular since he was only sitting at the Nuts Table for a few months before his parents withdrew him) are sitting around the big table at Larry and Wayne’s, drinking tea. Or at least some of them are.

Cass and Daniel have already finished their cups. Glob has dumped so much sugar into his that the sugar has stopped dissolving. Yo-Yoji has politely declined on the grounds of not liking tea much in the first place. Max-Ernest and Benjamin’s cups sit cold in their hands as they discuss something or another.

Glob, deciding that his cup of damp, vaguely tea-flavored sugar is a lost cause, pushes it away and leans over to Benjamin. “So, Ben, what happened to you?”

Benjamin stares at him, confused.

“You know, like when you showed up at school, you were all posh and fancy and you wore a monocle like a fancy person, but then after like the third day of school you completely changed.”

Daniel rests his elbows on the table. “Yeah, like you stopped talking and you stopped wearing tuxedos and stuff like that. And then your parents pulled you out. So what happened?”

Benjamin stiffens. Max-Ernest’s grip on his teacup tightens. They both share a single, scared glance before Max-Ernest speaks. “Benjamin was acting weird before, actually, with all the fanciness and whatnot. Cass just… brought him to his senses.”

Cass snorts. “Yeah, by knocking him out.”

“You knocked him out?” Daniel all but screams.

Cass leans back in her chair, nonchalant. “What? He was being a dick—“

“You can’t say that!”

“What? We’re eighth graders now. I think we can say dick.”

Yo-Yoji kicks his feet up on the table. “Well, I just think that, like, the first month of school was just an absolute mess. Like, Cass went into a coma—“

Daniel swings his arms out so wide he nearly knocks over his teacup. “You went into a coma?”

“You didn’t know about the coma?”

“She went into a coma, and then she came out of the coma, and Benjamin started being fancy and then he stopped being fancy and Max-Ernest acquired eldest child syndrome! And then at RenFaire Glob ditched us to go get corn dogs—“

“You have no proof of that, by the way!”

“It’s literally on your blog, dude— and then you got trapped with that… weird cult or something, and I got caught for illegally joining the joust and barely avoided getting expelled, and then we all had to go save you. So it was just. Wild.”

Max-Ernest nods awkwardly. “Yeah. Totally wild. But you should probably get your feet off the table. Larry and Wayne might get mad at you for ruining an antique.”

“Nah, it’s from Ikea,” says Cass. “They could never bear to actually use any of their antique tables.”

“Yeah. Good to know.” Max-Ernest finally takes a sip of his tea. He grimaces. “You know, I’m actually mad that no one laughed at my joke.”

Daniel frowns at him. “What joke?” Max-Ernest, somewhat surprisingly, didn’t seem to have made any jokes today.

“The ‘brought him to his senses’ one!”

Yo-Yoji laughs. “That was a joke?”

Max-Ernest sputters. “What— what do you mean— like, because “brought him to his senses”— and he has synesthesia— “

“I was kidding, bro.”

Max-Ernest was silent for a second. “Oh. Okay.”

“I’m still upset that you all keep accusing me of ditching you for corn dogs when I actually did no such thing,” Glob says suddenly.

“Literally no one asked.”

“I thought we were all saying things we were mad about!”

“I’m sorry, Glob, but denial isn’t just a river in Egypt,” Cass says in her best mock-sympathetic voice. “It’s also a thing you really need to stop doing.”

Glob slams his hands down on the table, causing the teacups to all rattle loudly. “Stop saying I ditched you for corn dogs! It’s not true!”

“Okay, Jeremy,” Benjamin mumbles.

Max-Ernest stares at him, his face seemingly going through the five stages of grief in record time. “Jeremy?”

The room goes silent.

And then it explodes. (Metaphorically.)

“What the heck— is your name Jeremy?”

“Uh, yeah? Did you all think Glob was my real name?”

“That is the whitest name I have ever heard.”

“Well, at least his name isn’t Chris. Or Kyle.”

“Oh, god, Kyle…”

“I mean, I did try to get it legally changed to Glob, but my mom wouldn’t let me.”

“Wait!” Daniel shouts. The room quiets down again, for a given definition of quiet. “Benjamin! How did you know his real name?”

Benjamin shrugs.

“That is not helpful, Benjamin!”

[bangchanswolfpelt]

Hi! I really appreciate that your blog does a lot of kink friendly stuff, and also that you make sure to seperate fantasy from reality. However, do you mind tagging some of the more hardcore/taboo stuff with something I can filter out? It doesn't have to be specific, just some general content warning for the extreme stuff. I have pretty bad PTSD and I love your blog a lot, I just need to filter out stuff like the bro!beomgyu post thats coming up, or anything similar honestly.

hey!! first off—thank you for being so polite?? that feels condescending to type, but i genuinely mean it. i really appreciate you reaching out and being honest and simultaneously being really very chill, doing just one of those things takes a lot and you did all three! this is going to be a really long response, because i've had a lot of thoughts about content warnings, so buckle up, i'm sorry i don't know how to be more succinct. 💀

when i started this blog, i actually thought about adding warnings for hardcore/dark content; i ended up deciding against it, because i honestly don't think warnings as vague as that are actually helpful. it's like warning for spicy food—it only works so long as everyone's expectations match up. if they don't, then at some point someone's going to step into a fic they think is safe and chill and end up having a very bad time. that's part of the reason i have a general 'here be dragons' warning in my pinned post; i'd rather people be cautious and maybe just make the decision to not read my stuff then be lulled into a false sense of security and end up getting triggered because something that's taboo or extreme to them doesn't register as such to me.

i DO want you to be able to stick around, tho, so long as that's what you want! in my pinned post, i have a list of content that i always warn for, and if there is anything you would like me to add to that list, please please please drop a message in my inbox. i legitimately do not care if it's a list of twenty different things, or if it's something hyper-specific, or something that's not even sexual—if you need me to tag for 'penguin mention', i'll tag for it, yo. having a clear-cut list that i can scan and go 'yes-no-yes-no' is a lot easier on my dysfunctional brainpan, and it will probably be a lot more helpful for you.

i was absolutely planning on tagging/warning for the incest in the brother!gyu fic (and anything else i write in that vein), however! i did just realize that while i haven't posted any actual bro!gyu fic yet, i have been talking about it and i don't think i actually tagged that with any warnings—that's my bad because i absolutely should've been! i'm really sorry if that made you uncomfortable, that was careless of me and i'll be tagging any posts that mention it at all moving forward.

also: i usually put warnings in the tags of my posts, because in my experience, blacklisting tags has usually been how people avoid things they don't want to see in fandom; the way i do that is with 'cw [thing being warned for]'. if this is a method that's no longer effective, or if there's something i can do in addition to that, please let me know!

if you don't feel comfortable dropping a list of things for me to tag (which is totally fair, dropping a bunch of potential triggers in a stranger's lap is a lot, even if you're doing it anonymously), then please just block my blog. i am saying that with all the love in the world—i appreciate that you are here and that you enjoy my writing, but there are plenty of people peddling good smut on the internet and your mental health is vastly more important than a few paragraphs about a kpop idol getting railed that i wrote at two in the morning. i'll miss you, but i'd rather you stay safe than risk getting triggered by staying around.

i wanna thank you again for being so polite and so chill; i know that can be hard to do when we're talking about stuff like this. i hope that you're having a good day, stay safe and take care of yourself💕

[sepublic]

...Look. If you’re legit coming to me and others looking for genuine help, then please be upfront and straightforward about it, in a way that we can work with, I’m willing to look past things and forgive, even admit fault! I wanna help, I really do, it’s just...

TW: Accusations

Don’t go into my inbox and make heavy accusations towards another blog without any context nor proof besides your own personal words, which alone I can’t take seriously; Especially if, again, you refuse to provide any sources or links to back yourself up. And don’t go making these claims with this needlessly passive-aggressive tone at me, as if it’s my personal fault for not knowing about whatever accusations you’re making, which; I’m someone with a lot of stuff in my life. My schedule has a bit going on and my interactions on the internet and varied. There’s a lot I’m not intimately aware of, such as in fandom interaction, so if there’s something I don’t seem to be aware of; Just inform me politely, there’s no need to pursue this resentful tone about it!

Don’t go dropping into my inbox, on anon no less, and make these claims; I assume you want to inform me, but given the nature of what you’re saying, I need actual, genuine proof to make my own conclusions. I’m not your personal arbiter or attack dog, where you just point me in the direction of someone and tell me to bark; I’m an actual person, and I can’t just automatically take some things at face value without being given a reason to believe them, especially if this is done with the intent of canceling someone. It’s not a good look to provide no context, links, or screenshots to back yourself up- And if you want to politely inform me, go ahead! But there’s no reason to take a condescending, guilt-tripping tone with me for not already knowing and intimately keeping track of what goes on with each person in a fandom. Why are you holding this against me?

Frankly I think it’s insulting to make these incredibly serious claims against another person towards me, as if you’re expecting me to rally everyone for you. Which, if you’re legitimately afraid of backlash, then I’m fine with anon- But again, the tone that’s being applied here, the intense nature of these accusations, and the lack of context and evidence, it all just makes the anon guise look very suspicious to me, VS if you were actually polite and forthcoming about the whole thing, instead of vaguely accusatory towards me as well by proxy, for not already knowing something that might not even be true, and/or is exaggerated/taken out of context.

You’re asking a lot of me to immediately cancel someone, to believe such drastic claims on your word alone, and I don’t appreciate that; Again, it seems like you can’t trust me to make my own conclusions and to evaluate the original context for myself, and at that point it feels like I’m being spoon fed this specific narrative and asked to accept it blindly, without question. That is an overtly personal and intimate kind of demand with the aim of devaluing someone else, potentially publicly given the nature of this ask; And I don’t think I can respond in good faith if it feels like you’re not approaching me on that same principle.

If you’re going to build a claim and a case to me, don’t expect me to go out and do all of the detective research on my own for you, because apparently you’re unwilling to provide anything for me. And if you can’t do that, then it just makes the whole thing look sus and this alone is your grounds for condemning a whole-ass person. What the hell do you want from me; Be straightforward here, and don’t be such a condescending asshole about it. If what you’re saying is true, then I’d probably give you the benefit of the doubt... But until then, I need something.

And if you didn’t mean to come across this way, then that’s okay; Just tell me! If you genuinely didn’t know any better, then that’s fine! If I actually misunderstood your tone and you meant things unironically, please inform! But I can’t condone this kind of handling of a situation that I don’t even know actually happened or not. If you want to redo this, by all means go ahead... But for now, I have nothing substantial to go off of, no leads or clues or anything, and I don’t intend to go up to some random blog and say “So this person told me you did these VERY messed-up things and I need you to confess if you did or not.” I’m not the goddamn inquisition nor FBI, and I’m not a psychic who can automatically figure everything out at once by reading your mind, and have all I need to know just from this prompt of an accusation; You need to communicate with me, here.

This doesn’t feel like a confession where you’re coming forth about something that hurt you and/or someone you knew, this feels like an accusation that’s pointing fingers and expecting others to blindly follow. Even if you do end up right, I don’t think I can be blamed for being skeptical with how all of this is being conducted. And of course, in the event that you’re telling the truth, then of course I’m going to want to take this as seriously as possible, which is WHY I invite actual context and evidence, even if I’m not looking to cancel someone; I just want to get down the exact truth of the situation and what happened, I can’t make a case to others nor myself on just claims without evidence. If you’re right, then I’ll owe a deep apology and unconditional support.

Just... don’t expect me to cancel someone for you. At least, not without actual evidence, because with the accusations involved, this kind of thing needs to be taken as seriously and carefully as possible. Ya gotta work with me, not lash out at me, a stranger who knows nothing. I’m sorry if I’m being too harsh, I just feel like I need to set boundaries, and if anyone disagrees, please provide feedback; I’m open to criticism!

[shijiujun]

this is very random but i’m feeling kind of frustrated/confused now and i truly regard you as fandom jiejie so i would like to rant a bit and seek your advice(?) recently, i found out that i got blocked by another tumblr that’s quite popular in the cql fandom for creating gifs etc. i don’t know who the person is and have never interacted with the blog; i only found out because i couldn’t reblog the person’s post (which i saw on my feed because someone i followed reblogged it). i was curious why but i realized that the person is probably against mxtx/danmei books etc, which i sometimes post about, for i guess homophobic/fetishizing reasons? but i’ve never followed or interacted so i’m really not sure why i got “noticed” like that. anyway, like i respect the person’s choices and rights to block people, but i haven’t been in the fandom for long and basically never encountered something like this before, so i’m slightly bothered by it. i’m guessing it’s quite common and i know i should probably just ignore/avoid the person (since they blocked me anyway) but i’m too easily affected. how do you usually deal with people like that? thank you.

oh oh hi! hahaha damn am i fandom jiejie?!?!?! sarah is my fandom jiejie ;-; 

anyway oomph sorry you found out about the block from that specific person and are feeling terrible about it! not easy to realize you’re blocked by someone

ehhh actually there can be a few reasons why ppl block i mean in general:

1. it could be an accident, tumblr fucks up q regularly

2. users have beef against each other (unavoidable, i mean we’re placing a lot of opinionated ppl squeezed into a room)

3. you just dont wanna see their stuff or opinions on your blog - i mean this is very understandable, whether out of like genuine like damn this is really not content i wanna see or i really hate the subject matter - both ways go and unfortunately-

unfortunately, it’s all part and parcel of being on social media and on an online space! i know this is hard to hear but everyone escapes to their blogs or accounts right and especially on tumblr where everything is slightly more curated, people create their blogs and create content for mostly themselves first - and we all do things to make sure our dashes stay the way we want them to look 

i for one use the block button very liberally - sometimes just because i disagree with someone and feel that there is just no way i can see their further posts on the matter, or you know, when i get triggered with pet peeves hahahaa sadly i am that kind of person XD i come onto my blog to be happy, and if anything makes me the slightest bit annoyed/uncomfortable, i don’t feel guilty at all about using the button 

i’ve also blocked for my own sanity for e.g. if a blog i see keeps reblogging the same post in the span of 48 hours (talking about like more than five times, and i’m personally totally okay if it’s a timezone reblog for fics or psas or infos!) for notes i mean, their blog, they can do whatever they want and i am in no place to judge, but it made me really competitive and i felt like it was really toxic to keep staring at notes so i blocked for my own sake because i have zero impulse control

and sometimes it’s personal, sometimes it’s not! in your case i think it may help? idk, because these things are stressful and i don’t deal well with like anger HAHAHAHA:

1. don’t take it personally and don’t think too much about it or about why or what you posted that could have made them block you - this blog is for you. and the ppl who follow you in a sense, so if anyone is unhappy that’s on them to block etc. - and don’t think about you getting ‘noticed’, posts turn up in searches all the time as well and it could just have been a particular post 

2. blocking in my opinion is so much better than the user coming to fight with you via anon or rallying other ppl to bully you for your posts online - trust me, this gets ugly, and if it ever happens you’ll wish they used the block button instead - we should be happy there’s a block button! in fact i’d like a mute button like on twitter - i like this blog but this blog’s posts for now idw to see but i still like their overall stuff just not during this period when this bij is gg mad over shan he ling (i’m talking about others when thinking about me btw HAHAHAHA) - blocking is like “i reject you but politely tyvm” rather than “here’s why i rejected you and you must hear all the reasons and i will add more once you fight back”

yep, not pleasant at all

*also gonna take the opportunity to remind peeps to pls block me if your other alternative is to sneak into my ask box for a fight or write a vague personal post hating on me tyvm, 慢走不送*

3. we can’t please everybody!!! idk either ppl ignore me, or at least half of them may have blocked me - i dont blame em hahahaa i do get into ask fights when anons especially come into my ask box looking for one HAHAHA - i mean, i use the block, can’t expect others not to, but just have to get used to ppl just blocking i think!

4. of course if a blog i follow and like blocked me i’d definitely be sad but... what can you or i do? 

5. all content is fine as long as it’s made with thought i feel - all opinions are good as long as they are made with thought and also you and i for that matter are able to stand behind it when someone comes knocking so like obviously if something hurtful is said, then the following angry responses may be expected, but also if you’ve put thought into your posts (i don’t mean like thought THOUGHT but more like when u post anything that can be controversial for e.g. or could potentially be hurtful it’s always good to kind of adjust a little before posting anything) then you should just stand behind your own posts and be who you are online

6. it’s too much to speculate on why ppl do anything, just blog and be happy :DDD

[baegarrick]

hi hello so i’m coming to you because you’re the only person in the zukka fandom that i’ve seen blogging about the old guard and i love that movie SO MUCH and i can’t stop thinking about immortal zukka..... aang as either nile or andy bc i can’t choose, andy wouldn’t lose her immortality, and no one would betray anyone bc i say so 😌 how do you think an atla/the old guard au would work?? (zukkababey)

ok i rly love the idea of immortal everyone but tbh!!! i really dont know enough about asian history to like... go into detail about this honestly and I really didn’t want to come off as racist by fudging some stuff, but here r some bulletpoints about Things

(also u can slide into my dms 2 talk about this if u want, or if u have a discord, sorry it too so long I literally cant stop writing when I get on Topics. I'm so sorry if this gets off topic)

Sokka & Katara

In this au they’re not biologically related, but are both Inuit

Sokka dies first in a skirmish with another group of indigenous people in northern Canada (Inuit Nunangat) sometime prior to 1800

He knows he died, his people saw him die, and he doesn’t understand what’s happening (I really don’t know enough about the Inuit people to say whether they would have rejected him or tried to help him understand what happened to him)

however, I’d like to think they’d at least tell him to talk to the angakkuq, the shaman, and would probably see this as a positive thing

Eventually his band of people would whittle down to just a dozen or so, after long winters and harsh climates, and they were forced to assimilate with other bands who didn’t have ancestors who were there when Sokka died in the first place, so he has to move on.

He travels around for a while, trading and learning and staying in bands for a few years before moving on to another group, until it’s the 1800s

Around this time, Katara is born (and dies)

She refuses to stand down against a white French hunter who wanted to take one of the young women in her village as a wife, and she’s killed, and the woman is taken anyway.

When she wakes up, she’s furious, and before she can understand what happened to her, she finds the man and kills him. She’s arrested and set to be killed when Sokka finds her.

They aren’t biological siblings, but they come from the same people, and the world is changing rapidly and they’re the only people they know who are like this. The idea of marrying Katara is the worst thing that Sokka can think of-- look at her, she’s just a baby!!-- so they call each other siblings and travel together.

Zuko

ok again i know literally 0 things about chinese history like i googled “female chinese warriors” for suki and got like 100 things for mulan

Zuko is old, probably one of the oldest of the (living) group, but younger than Aang

he was the first son of the second son of the emperor in a time of political conflict in China. His father, the prince, was at war with his own brother who Zuko considered a father figure.

zuko speaks out against his father and is killed for being a traitor, but, guess what, he doesn’t die!!! his father does it again for posterity and uhhhhhh still doesn’t die. (or rather, dies, and comes back)

here’s where my uhhhhhh lack of knowledge is Bad

would his father banish him for being cursed? for somehow being against the gods?

or would he force him to fight in his armies, against his uncle, because he can’t die?

I was going to go with “banished” but fighting for decades in a fight he doesn’t want to be in is so! much! worse!

his father wants to know the secrets of his immortality and when he can’t share it he’s tortured and tested for years, and eventually sent out to fight as an immortal soldier who can’t die.

eventually he escapes, and leaves china for a long time (he doesn’t return for centuries)

he is highly distrustful of anyone for years bc of his father!! he wanders around for years like he does in Zuko Alone (or like Quynh before Andy finds her) and while he sees small bits of humanity, he has little faith in it and their wars, because he is Not One Of Them

For money he joins bandit groups or warlords or mercenaries, because why does any of that matter to him? Everyone dies.

Eventually he meets Aang, who is Humanity Personified, and Aang asks him if he thinks they can be friends-- but they’re on opposite sides of this conflict and Zuko is too disillusioned to want that. (they part ways)

He meets a man, Iroh, who reminds him of his uncle. They travel together for far longer than Zuko normally would, because he likes having a father figure, and because Iroh lost a son about Zuko’s age. They travel for years and Zuko never ages, so eventually he has to leave. Iroh finds him a few years later, greyer and slower, but tells Zuko that he knows about Zuko.

Zuko reacts poorly to this, lashing out, but Iroh is calm. Zuko breaks down and tells him he can’t give Iroh what he wants. (what Zuko assumes he wants-- what they all want, immortality)

But Iroh’s like, why would I want that? it sounds like a curse, son. Why would I want to never see my son again?

He tells Zuko: we’re not meant to be alone

After Iroh passes a few years later, he tries to track down Aang but can’t find him. He, however, has dreams about the others.

alternatively///////// japanese zuko?????? RONIN ZUKO???? love it but im too tired to think of More Than That after typing all the chinese zuko stuff up, although im Sure a ton of it would cross over bc im vague as Hell

Aang

he’s the oldest of the group but you wouldn’t know it!!!!

Roku was his mentor, the first immortal that any of them know of. He’s thousands of years old when Aang meets him. (He’s also the first to die. He shows Aang that All Things Must Die)

Aang is Tibetan, a Buddhist monk, one of the earliest, maybe the 7th century?

He dies in a temple fire

here again my complete and utter lack of knowledge is Bad

according to Dzogchen, individuals can transform their body into an immortal rainbow light, so there’s some mention of immortality in certain parts of Tibetan Buddhist culture, but idk how widespread that is since wikipedia didnt even have a source for it

he becomes a missionary and travels around asia for decades before Roku finds him

Roku!!! he’s an Old Immortal, and probably wants to die a little bit at this point, and he eventually does!! but for awhile he and Aang travel around together, and butt heads a bit bc Aang’s pacifist nature, and Roku thinks Aang Will Change as he gets older

aang is absolutely devastated by the Mongol invasion of Tibet in the 13th century

roku dies about a hundred years after he meets aang, and aang travels around a little aimlessly for awhile, learning all kinds of things and befriending people he’ll outlive. it dampens his spirits a bit.

eventually he meets Zuko, who’s far more jaded than Roku was, even, and wants to be friends, but respects Zuko’s decision otherwise.

Eventually, aang travels with the Norse to Canada in the 15th century, but when they leave they don’t take him with them. Instead, he ends up frozen ala steve rogers. Katara and Sokka find him a few hundred years later.

alternatively////// Aang IS the newest kid. he’s the Nile of the group. He’s still a Tibetan monk, and views this as a teaching/learning opportunity. He would also probably like everyone to stop killing each other. Sokka rolls his eyes at him constantly.

Toph

toph is a struggle bc how do you deal with an IMMORTAL BLIND GIRL

I’m gonna stick w her show backstory: rich, blind daughter of a wealthy Chinese family

Is kidnapped and her throat is slit when she’s young (maybe an older teenager) and the kidnappers panic, leaving her body. She’s found, namely unharmed, and resumes life despite the fact she knows she died.

However, being a privileged young girl, she’s kept under watch and it quickly becomes known that she’s immortal.

She’s regarded as a living deity for centuries until she meets Suki, who rescues her from the place and teaches her to fight. (she becomes a myth, later, rather than a historical fact)

alternatively//////// she could have been first generation chinese-american, and therefore the youngest

Suki

Suki was a third generation female warrior of her family who guarded the boarder during the Northern Song Dynasty (960-1127), and trained from a young age in martial arts. (insp by the story of Mu Guiying)

She’s a war orphan, and leads an army of war widows and orphan women, but meets her untimely end with some of her sisters in a reign of arrows. She’s buried by some of her sisters before she wakes up again, and has to claw her way to the surface.

Her sisters don’t know how to react to her (a lot like Nile’s soldiers) so she eventually leaves them.

After her death, she hears rumors of a living goddess (Toph) and goes to see if there really is another person like her, and finds one of the people from her dreams (Toph)

She trains Toph to fight despite her being blind, and the pair become an unusual duo for a couple hundred years.

eventually, they start dreaming about a pair of siblings in the New World (not that new!! people live there!!) and book passage there in the 1800s with the first major wave of Chinese immigration

They dream about each other. it happens a lot at first, but it tapers out over the years. it grows stronger whenever a new one (katara) is born, but Katara and Sokka have NO desire to leave their homeland to go look for these strange people until they find Aang. (what languages might they have in common? russian??? the russians came to settle alaska, I know bc my stepmom is native alaskan and russian--- the Mongols invaded TIbet and Mongolia is right next to Russia, so Aang might know it??)

When they find Aang, Suki and Toph start dreaming of them again, and so does Zuko and they all start making their way to San Francisco. The Chinese wouldn’t arrive in Canada until around the 1850s (according to google) so Sokka probably wouldn’t speak any Chinese (mandarin???? i dont know things), but Zuko might speak some English or Russian. [really just gonna be a bunch of chinese, inuit, and tibetan people speaking russian to each other, isn’t it??]

Aang greets Zuko like an old friend, and Zuko Does Not know what to do with that. he’s skirtish and shy and hasn’t really been around a lot of friendly people. Sokka does NOT trust him. At all!! (he wants Katara to stay FAR AWAY from him. stick with the harmless monk we found at the bottom of a lake, katara.)

They find Suki and Toph in a bar. Toph hustling people for money, and Suki drinking at the bar. It’s very strange to have all of them around, and it’s like, 1830. they all decide they like each other, after they get some good old fashioned stabbing in-- Katara is the only woman Sokka has been around whos like him, and she’s like his little sister, and all he wants to do is Protect Her, so he doesn’t know what to do with women who known knives. (get his ass handed to him, thats what)

I want Zuko to be a broody mess but honestly he’d probably revert back to yelling at people/things in ancient Chinese (mandarin? I’m not really sure what period he’s from exactly). He’s still got that Good streak in him, esp since he’s like, a hundred years off his adopted uncle Iroh.

and you know what? 1830 america is NOT a cool place for anyone!! least of all asian immigrants, native americans, or women of either group

So the Gaang take to helping those people out any way they can. (Aang wants Peace, but you know white people, we don’t listen). They actively get involved in the underground railroad, eventually the civil war, and also helping out native americans, as well as chinese immigrants working on the railroads.

also so sorry I know the ask was about Zukka but I had to write a million words about their backstories first

Zuko + Sokka eventually come to a truce as the only dudes in this entire group who are willing to fight. Sokka is interested in both men and women, but he’s never really shared his life with anyone, and it’s the same for Zuko. Sokka, because he was regarded as an elder with his people, and after that he could only stay a few years. He had lovers, like Yue, but they all eventually died and Sokka couldn’t do anything about it!! Zuko, because while he also had lovers, he couldn’t really bear to be around humanity for a long time after what happened to him. (he’s vehemently opposed to slavery)

I think they get together at first just kind of because there isn’t really anyone else. Suki + Toph are kinda their own thing (are they lovers? sisters in arms? who knows), Katara is like Sokka’s sister (and if Zuko touches her Sokka will end his destiny permanently), and Aang is... aang.

It’s sorta a friends-with-benefits thing, except its an immortal warrior reluctant companions-with-benefits thing because can you really call this a friendship?? (its a family, eventually). Eventually it’s just kind of always been a thing. Sokka checking Zuko first when he comes back to life, counting down the second to make sure Zuko comes back at all. Zuko tells people he’s the only one allowed to kill Sokka, because lets be honest, the first couple of months with rowdy immortals meant killing each other a lot. When Sokka is killed violently in the Civil War, he wakes up half an hour later (slow, slow), to find a field of bodies and Zuko sitting next to him with his dao blades in the dirt, waiting for him. Sokka tries to make a joke, but it just makes Zuko mad, because what if that was the last time. (sokka jokes that he’s young, yet, not like Zuko)

They don’t really talk about it, partially because they don’t live in a world where it’s acceptable. What kind of title fits when you can only use it with 5 other people? But this time, when Zuko was afraid Sokka might not wake up, thirty years after they met, after lifetimes of being alone for both of them?? Sokka has to let Zuko know he loves him. Loves him!!! He’s not just here for the meantime.

thats all I have rn bc its 9pm and I’ve been writing this for like 3 hours. again if u wanna slide into my dms or if u have a discord and wanna talk about this/other stuff hmu. so sorry this got off topic.

also, the order I had them born in is:

roku --> aang --> Zuko --> suki --> toph --> sokka --> Katara

which may or may not be accurate to my timeline lol

Sokka probably speaks all of the Inuit languages, as well as French, English, and Russian, being alive for long enough to learn it all.

Katara refuses to learn French. Hates it. Never wants to learn.

She and Sokka personally keep Inuit traditions and languages alive as elders of their community, though it’s so much harder in modern times to stay connected to their culture bc they don’t age!!

disclaimer: bc the show was written as a complete mashup of several cultures I had to like..... pick where ppl were from. I picked china for Zuko/Suki/Toph bc they have a beautiful culture and a lot of dynasties I have heard a lot about recently while half watching the history channel. I really, really don’t know a lot about non-white culture as a white american from FLORIDA (so like, literally the farthest place you can get from the Inuit people and still be on the same continent). if you know more about these cultures than I do and I said something blatantly wrong pls let me know and I will change it.

[gold-rush-into-things]

I Knew You, Tried to Change the Ending (and everything in between)

So what DOES QAnon believe? So glad you asked! They believe that Trump has been planning a “day of reckoning” known as the "Storm," when thousands of members of the cabal will be arrested  (they thought this was going to happen on Biden’s inauguration lmao). They also think most Hollywood actors, Democratic politicians, and high-ranking government officials are also members of the cabal. You could almost say… It’s all part of the fucking story. (Sidenote: Cabal is a very cool word, I think I would like to be in one someday maybe, one that does not involve cannibalism though). 

The "Storm" became QAnon-speak for an “imminent” event in which thousands of those alleged suspects will be arrested, imprisoned, and executed for being child-eating pedophiles. Perfectly logical, makes total sense. Again, Q’s followers also developed a name for when Q would come to spill, these “Q Drops.”

I put “imminent” in quotes for this reason, here are some of the Q predictions and dates: 

The "Storm" would take place on November 3, 2017. Last I checked Tom Cruise and Hillary Clinton were not publicly executed

That people targeted by the Trump would commit mass suicide on February 10, 2018. No prominent people committed suicide that day, but also like…. wut.

Multiple failed predictions that Mark Zuckerberg would leave Facebook and flee the US. Zuck is still CEO, unfortunately, as of writing this post.

Multiple failed predictions that Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey would be forced to resign. Jack, unfortunately, remains CEO of Twitter, and remains having the ugliest beard I’ve seen.

Ect, ect ect, you get the point.

Finally, like I mentioned earlier, that the "Storm" would take place on January 20, 2021, the day of Biden's inauguration. While I cried a lot that day, none of it was because there were public executions of my queens Kamala, Michelle, Jill, or Hillary. 

BUT, Q soooooooorta got Jeffery Epstien getting arrested for child trafficking right. Even if they were off by a couple of days. But the tiniest victory can give followers a lot of confidence. 

Which leads right into Spade. The first Spade riddle, “♠️ Aug 2018: Karlie will be at the reputation tour in Nashville” was right! I’ve heard TTB didn’t post it until after, which, kinda sketch, but I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt (undeservedly). This was also very specific, was allowed to be proven true or false, and BAM people are hooked. Again, understandably! 

And, like Q, most Spade riddles just simply did not come true. Such as:

 “♠️ 10.12.2018: However, Karlie will be single and will have rekindled her friendship with Taylor to a suggestive degree.” 

I’m sorry, but it’s been two years, if it was going to happen, it probably would have by now.

There are then a few that Spade followers retrofit into being correct, like about the golden globes and the cloud imagery of Lover. 

But as Spade continued to stop by, it becomes very, very similar to the “Q Drops.” The clues become more and more vague, and people were / are twisting themselves more and more to make them have meaning. A few of personal favorites: 

♠️ 06.25.2019: Why worry, she blooms in June. (This is funny because obvi nothing happened in June, but also, as a gay man, I know all of icon Troye Sivan’s music and he has a song about gay sex called Bloom and that’s all I can ever think about when I read this lol)

♠️ 09.27.2019: The candle flickered, your eyes darted, my heart pounded. (So dramatic, I love it. And can mean anything you want!)

♠️ 07.24.2019: Without judgement or question, she bent to the ground and picked up the pieces. Blood ran from her hands as she cut herself so I could be whole. (This is just bonkers, but it’s also more CAMP than anything Karlie wore to the Met Gala)

My quips aside, all of these literally mean nothing. And so many of them, especially ones that people retrofit to claim were a hint, were things the general fandom already knew. Such as, “Darling, in the midst of this cruel summer I re-read your love letters…” People lost their mind after the tracklist came out, thinking that Cruel Summer had been revealed by Spade weeks earlier. But at that point the tracklist had already been leaked by Secret Sessioners, AND Taylor hinted at it in the YNTCD video and that weird Amazon commercial. 

But, much like Q followers, and the appeal of the possibility of being involved in something historic (the world’s biggest popstar is in a secret lesbian relationship!!), people are sucked in and it becomes harder to question things — like that Kaylor could possibly be over. 

Another similarity, and one that is a major red flag, is the consistent moving of the goalposts that TTB, Spade, and TCG all played a part in. 

You can see this in the aforementioned Spade riddles about them becoming “friends again” in 2018, “She blooms in June,” and their “Ides of March” post — nothing of note has happened in any preceding March. TCG and her posting about “The Gay Agenda” plan for them to come out which kept getting pushed back. And TTB posting every six months or so that the “contract is ending” regarding Karlie and Josh. So, much like “The Storm,” these big, earth shattering events keep getting predicted, but don’t actually happen. 

Whenever I read about Q followers and the depths that they believe that people in Hollywood and politics are involved in this elite cabal, the first thing I think about is Kaylors’ mantra of “it’s all part of the fucking story.”** Much like how Q followers use “Trust the plan” as comfort when things don’t work out as predicted. 

**For reference: Taylor went out with friends in 2016 (including Suki Waterhouse and Cara Delivinge) to a NYC restaurant and someone, assumed to be one of them, wrote “It’s all part of the fucking story” on the paper table cloth. 

This is repeated in the Kaylor fandom as a message that everything Taylor does publicly, is simply that, part of the story. I specifically remember TTB was sharing theories connecting Hayley Williams’ lead single’s music video in 2019 to Taylor, due to a sound at the end of it (which I unfortunately can’t link, since her blog is gone), recently I saw Spade-Riddles sharing Selena Gomez’s recent Insta post because it had oranges in it (implying it’s tied to the YNTCD girl), and these examples could go on and on. While I wish the world DID revolve around Taylor Swift, unfortunately it doesn’t and every person Taylor has ever come in contact with just isn’t droppeing clues about her being queer in THEIR art.

NEXT POST: Shade Never Made Anyone (even Josh Kushner) Gay