#like sorry I needed something to drink
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Retail is fun because sometimes you'll have to leave the register for 15 seconds to get water (no food or drink allowed at the register 😀), but doing this will piss off a customer so much that they curse and storm out of the store without purchasing anything
#Tales from retail#retail#Ngl I'm just upset#just perplexed#like sorry I needed something to drink#I was struggling to speak#And I said 'I need water I'll be right back'#To which the customer responded 'jesus fucking christ' and stormed out as I was drinking#sorry man
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phinktober day 11: ur fav AU
i dont rlly do AUs so i just drew them how i wish they would dress xo
(dan’s tats r carnations and snowdrops and phil’s r roses and honeysuckle. for no reason 🤗)
ALSO bonus version w makeup bc i couldn’t pick <3
#soz copied caption from twt i have been drawing for 7 hours straight i need to drink water eat something take a piss and a shower and sleep#no braincell rn#goodbye it is wine time#hope yall like this idfk what people what these days other than ship art but im not doing that so sorry no knights fucking for you#just me making them look like me bc i’m a narcissist etc#god i am way too tired to be yapping rn i have no filter whatever ABYWAY HASHTAG DANIPHIW#art2 and craft2#dnp#phanart#dan and phil#daniel howell#amazingphil#dan howell#phil lester#phinktober#punk edits irl come back to me please#i’m missing a fkn hashtag i just know it whatever i don’t CARE im TIRED i have eaten nothing but half a jar of picked today i feel so goblin#idk why i tunnelvisioned w this piece it’s not even that good or detailed LMFAO#actually the tattoos were a BITCH and also made me sad bc of my whole failed tattooing career etc#OH MY GOD WHY AM I YAPPING SO MUCH SOMEONE EUTHANISE ME#good NIGHT !!!!!!#pickles not picked btw but i’m not retyping all of that#now i’m sad bc i’m out of pickles and it’s 10pm and everything is shut:( hate my stupid gay life
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WIP!!! Stealing glances amidst victory celebrations in Suna….
#narugaa#naruto uzumaki#gaara of the sand#Naruto#fanart#other fandoms#other fandoms: naruto#GUYSSSS this one is gonna take a while so I’m letting myself post this much of it now#much of it needs to be cleaned up lol…..#thanks to Jane who let me screen share as I drew and helped me every time I went:#“does this expression convey that they’ve been looking at each other the whole night and this is the first glance they catch each other#and are now blushy because Naruto suddenly realises this look in gaara’s eye is Different and he’s the only one that recognises the nuance#as something perhaps intimate. perhaps erotic. perhaps suggestive that they should get up and leave soon#anyway I’m working on it ok….#trying to expound on the visual culture of Suna a little by making like… a shisha lounge#grew up on shisha (my lungs are recovering these days now that I’ve quit smoking completely) but I hold it near my heart#also I changed Naruto’s hair. they’re wearing the ‘The Last’ outfits but I just couldn’t do short hair Naruto I’m sorry#his fluffy spikey blond hair appeals to me so much I’m sorry I refuse to cut it short#also it’s like vaguely mussed and messy here to imply some things about how much he’s had to drink LOL#Gaara has a few strands out of place but that’s it#kazekage duties etc etc#anyway#OK ANYWAY
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OH YEAH HIS TAIL ALSO LIGHTS UP
here's a bunch of quick reactions to some of the smaller bits, while I work on bigger things for the bigger bits and obsess over Silver's breakdown some more. don't be fooled -- this is only the beginning of my descent into pure diasomnia hell.
(I also need to figure out how to draw OB Mal better)
#art#long post#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#ugggh sorry i really do need to figure out ob mal i have not managed a decent one yet#anyway saving my feelings for later#i have tried a couple of times to write something about how blatant lilia is#about being an ancient fae pretend to be a high schooler in order to keep an eye on his idiot dragon son#but every time i remember that this is a universe in which rook exists and is a real person that the characters know#and it's like. oh yeah. lilia isn't anywhere near the weirdest person they know.#they aren't exactly secretive about fae aging differently either#i assumed he told everyone he was literally 18 because he thought it would be funny#🤷#drink your juice everyone
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Ethel Archer and Victor Neuburg's friendship is so dearly funny to me.
You have this Kinsey 5 woman who married the only guy she ever fancied and loves him to bits and pieces, and spends her free time writing impassioned love poems about other women (and nothing else).
And then you have this lithe, faun-like man -- indubitably would've been called a "twink" in this day for his youth and slight physique -- who's nervous and gentle and looks at his mentor like a lovestruck puppy. Like that man hung the stars in the fucking sky.
And then he takes one look at Archer's poetry and goes "hmm... 🤨🏳️🌈 kinda gay."
And she's shocked at this -- vantablack pot calling the kettle black -- and whenever she voices that, he's just like, "okay, Sappho."
Yes, he took to calling her Sappho.
Neuburg reviewed all of the poems that appeared in The Equinox, and every goddamn time Archer submitted a poem, he'd turn to her and go, "gee, Ethel, pardon me if I am mistaken, but this sounds kind of gay..."
I dunno, the fact that this bisexual man and this bi/lesbian woman were friends and exchanged lighthearted banter brings light to my heart. It's sweet.
#posts I would make if I was on tumbler#not tagging AC because this ain't about him#(fun fact: this little group that Archer and Neuburg were part of - consisting of three women who wanted to fuck AC↙️ one Victor who wanted#the same↙️ two lesbians↙️ and one girl who was just like 'wow he's a freak. I need him for my freak collection' - became known as The Harem)#(they'd make for hell of a sitcom. a ragtag group of poets and musicians↙️ headed by England's insane occultist↙️ trying to keep their#esoteric newspaper flourishing. when one day Insane Occultist is like. ''GUYS. We're going to THEATRE. We're gonna DANCE and DRINK#CACTUS WATER and recite POETRY to the GODS and Mommy Leila here will ASCEND YOU with her VIOLIN'')#(yes he called his crush Mother in the year 191something. to be fair. it was short for ''the mother of Earth'' or something.)#(sorry the tags turned into Crowley Trivia Night. anyways. Archer/Neuburg friendship sweep)
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Having some appy juice.
#I'm sorry I keep posting photos of him--#it's just fun to set up scenes with him like I do the Beans ...#also I'm sorry for calling it appy juice#I said it out loud and it stuck#he just needs something to drink while he watches cartoons ...#r: remind my heart to beat 💢#LCB Plushcliff#scattered pages
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(( Inspired by the "Aphids" comic bc the dj bro panel had me cryin: https://www.tumblr.com/coridallasmultipass/746888021783298048?source=share ))
Probably went overboard editing this and trying to add emoji subtext, telling a story, you know the deal. Also, the needles evoke a Saw 2 vibe for me, but that's awesome. I'm all about that unsettling mind game shit (not pictured, but I have a spiral on my tongue piercing bead, because I'm dedicated to the aesthetic). Speaking of spirals, yes, that is a Kamina keychain on my phone. In fact, I have all four main characters danglin' off that motherfucker. Shit's heavy, but no pain, no gain. Gotta keep these strifin' fingers in shape, brah. Anyways. I got the green stuff, so hit me up.
#if ur comic op and want me to unlink just lmk sorry for not asking if u mind#also lmao#OBLIGATORY: 'DISCLAIMER: i'M HI (HIGH)' TAG#trans bro#trans bro strider#but yeah i saw the jello in the store yesterday and was like 'omg i gotta do dj bro' so i bought it#and yeah i do have the spiral on my tongue but i wasnt happy with the vibe of the pics#this is better mildly creepy and funny bc the shots emojis doubling as saw 2 aes like lol yaaaaasssss#homestuck#bro#bro strider#cosplay#homestuck cosplay#bro cosplay#bro strider cosplay#beta bro strider#idk what tag#smoking#alcohol#syringes#needles#drugs#man this post is gonna get blacklisted bc of the tags#me#selfie#also disclaimer ive never had jello shots i dont drink and i dont hc bro as drinking but dude that comic#its so fucking cute and then they drop the line 'dj bro not bringin jello shots to the club tonite' lmaoooo#karkats claws are so fucking cute i love that panel too#srsyl if ur reading this u should be readin that comic its cute af and buggy and i love it#also lol i still havent changed the font from when someone asked something and i needed a gayass font
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💌 just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who’s left such lovely feedback on my latest chapter of four walls. it’s been a weird and emotionally draining week for me, and getting to come back after a long day and read all your kind words has been such a solace. it’s truly hard to put into words how much it means when people connect with something you’ve created (and i’m far too exhausted to even attempt it tonight), but trust me when i say nothing grounds me and keeps me writing through all the difficult stuff more than knowing that what i’m creating means something to people other than just me. thank you so much for your generosity in sharing that with me via your lovely comments and feedback 💌
#friendly reminder to leave comments on the fics you enjoy#it means the world to all of us writing them 💜#also sorry if this is totally incoherent#i’m so exhausted and overwhelmed tonight i feel like i could fall into bed and sleep for the next 48 hours#but i just wanted to share this because it’s been something i’ve been so thankful for all week 💗#i can’t wait to get stuck into finishing the next chapter for posting this weekend#i know there’s been a lot of slow build but… well#what it’s building to is very close now#and i’m so excited to share it with you!!#anyway i’ll stop rambling now#i’m going to drink tea and watch hannibal and try and have an early night#thank you and sorry to anyone who’s read through all of this nonsense 😅#i need to stop posting on tumblr when i should probably just go to sleep lol#four walls#lulu posts
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Mmm having another like venting in my head but knowing the second im done venting im gonna be like you didnt mean that tho moment
#its just hhhh I was not in the mood for other people today and my friend came over and took most of my day away and like… oh maybe there is#such a thing as relying too much on people and its this friend like rrrrr the i didnt mean that is because no people need to talk about thin#gs it’s healthy I dont want people to think theyre bad for taking my time its just that I wasnt feeling it for most of today I needed to be#by myself and like enjoy my games by myself and I attempted to make that known and i dont think they got the hint#and just hhh stop trying to bring up your problems right now this is my time to play a game I really wanna enjoy and i dont think im enjoyin#it as much as I could if I played it first by myself and I didnt say that directly so no way they could know and I will finish it on my own#hopefully if i have time cause thats it I dont have enough time for myself I need me time#and also my friend Needs to stop making suicide jokes. thats it thats the main one. like dude im having fun how do i respond to the reminder#that my friend doesn’t want to live#and going back attempting to bring up a problem while im gaming. I could of answered their question better but i was in such a mood that it#was like okay im gonna dismiss you and I dont want to dismiss struggling people no thats not who i want to be i want to help#… I hate it when I cant help so much#vent#I swear the timing of this to be when a certain someone went to bed was purely coincidence its just that I got back from friend hang rn#tw suicide mention#why is it when im in a mood I just sorta hate some of my friends like i was getting annoyed at them taking my drinks/snacks when usually im#like oh yeah go for it#is it oh youre in a mood you get the opposite of your usual love your friends with your entire heart or is it that like deep down I think th#ey take more than they give back. I have before almost said that I feel like I help their issues but they dismiss mine but then i got distra#cted by them essentially helping with it but like im not even sure if that was in response to me saying im lonely#also okay at one point they thanked me it was the bit where they said im their reason to live and then immediately asked if they could come#over and its like. well okay i feel like I have no choice here#and yesterday they mentioned oh i think I might take up too much of your time or something and like im too nice to tell you yeah sometimes#but it is to note i didn’t outright say no you dont I always love spending time with you or something i said oh i tell you if i really cant#due to homework. I am not made to be immediately busy immediately after i finish school I need time for myself#and im sorry you don’t have things to do on sat-wed but I have work I need to do cause there’s always so much work so at least thanks for#letting me have that time#… I love them I want to see them get better… so i wont say this to them
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I need to get into some new kind of alcohol. mead or something
#i really only like red wine and cocktails which isn't always convenient or right for the occasion#tbh maybe I should just buy small bottles of sparkling wine to have available 🤷🏼♀️#like I'm not going to drink hard seltzer sorry I just don't need to be drunk that badly. you know.. it's fine#but I'd rather drink something good or just not have anything#it's kind of wild that a malt beverage has become that mainstream and popular like available at bars and stuff#do you drink smirnoff ice at a bar
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i love trying to ask my mom for help in the form of Literally driving me to the ER and/or picking up some gatorade after throwing up constantly and being in the worst pain of my life and she’s just doing art stuff all day and doesn’t check her phone and then isn’t willing to make the literally 2 min trip to walgreens
#like thanks 👍 i will literally never rely on you again#i am ok now i was just in Excruciating stomach pain all night and then frew up 5 times in the morning#ended up passing out at like 10am and waking up at 7pm#just like. thanks so much for literally nothing girl#she was like I’m so sorry…. u should have taken some gas x and also you have electrolyte things here#like 1. no shit i fucking did and then threw it up and 2. i would love to not drink something super acidic rn#like you’re literally stupid and also obviously don’t actually give a shit#Fuck Off#ventnote#cw vomit#i love having No one in my life who is willing to help me when i need it most 👍👍👍 That’s Awesome
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Last night I made a list of all the ways drinking has been negatively effecting me, my relationships, those around me, my body and mind, and my life as a whole recently.
There are 45 separate things listed on there so far
#it’s just .. idk how to go from a pint of vodka a night to nothing#if I try to taper or ween off I’ll just keep drinking too much#I can’t sleep without it anymore either even when I take like 300mg seroquel#literally need fuckin at least 8 drinks to even sleep anymore..#if I do get to sleep it will be like an hour before my sleep is disrupted#I’m fed up#and I don’t want to do this to myself anymore#but it’s so much easier said than done#I know if I continue on this path my body and mind will both continue to be damaged#and I know that if I don’t do something very soon I could end up drinking like this or worse for the rest of my life.#I want and deserve better than that#there is so much more to life than this#and I intend to experience as much of it as possible. without needing a substance to get through the day#ah#I don’t want to be like this anymore#but I really fear it’s too late to change or turn back#sorry lol a lot on my mind
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I WANT TO DANCE I WANT TO PARTY I WANT TO SWIM IN THE SEA SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING TOWN
#me drinks one glass or bottle of wine also me ^^^#if i didnt live in a car dependent place i would be so unstoppable and also a much worse alcoholic#better? worse?#anyways swimming in the sea ar night drunk as hell again would fix me but NOOOO i live in a CAR CITY NOW#thinking about how casual my friends in school like high school used to drunk drive that was crazy like what the hell#thats a line for me like i’ll do a line but im not DRIVING after#no 🙅 operating 🙅 heavy 🙅 machinery under the influence of anything dude there are other people in the world#oversharing online is my passion sorry#anyways. alcoh*lics will literally be like ‘im gonna have a glass of wine w dinner’ and next thing u know plastered on the floor#like why did i drink my fuckinc cooking wine lol i need that for cooking!!! my sauces!!!!#long story short if u live in *** and want to get str***** lmk i can solve that u just gotta pick me up in ur car vroom vroom#or if u have **** 👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽👽 or **** ok#im very flexible#anyways. recycle comes tomorrow and they know far too much about me. like not me getting up at the crack of dawn to haul my pile of bottles#out to the can pleas. maybe i should leave a thank you note. i can make cookies or something
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🏞🏞🏞
#the thing is I'm not proud of many things I've done. It's actually the exact opposite.#I kinda suck most of the time if I'm honest. but getting sober and doing it all on my own...#it's one of the only things I'm proud of when it comes to myself. sure.it's my third attempt but 1 year and 3 months...#it's the longest time I've ever managed to not try and deal with myself in a way that slowly but surely fucked me up in a very different way#I still struggle. some days are easier than others#but I'm still doing it.#being sober doesn't magically solve all my other issues but I don't spiral as much as I used to.#i don't think I'll ever be someone people can be around. which is like i don't blame people. i know how i am and how fucking difficult it is#to deal with that. the fear of abandonment that makes me push people away until they leave. the self-fulfilling prophesy of it all#the way i push and when i get the result i was expecting the immediate pull the fear and irrationality#the emotional disreggulation the self-pity#it's gotten better since i stopped drinking. less frequently and all that... but it's never gone not really#sometimes i think about the what could've beens.#what if my childhood went a little differently. what if my dad was there for me when i needed him. what if i wasn't me.#my ex best friend once told me that I'm to desperate to be saved. that nobody can do that anyway.#I'm not sure if I'd deserve it anyway. i have dreams in which I'm still me still dark and ugly and selfish and cruel at times#but i am trying i like to believe that i am already trying. i am. I'm just scared that it'll never be enough.#I'm not proud of many things but I'm 1 year and 3 months sober#only a few days and it's gonna be 1 year and 4 months#i didn't achieve much in my life but I'm here and i am trying every day i am trying and i hope on day it'll be enough#i hope one day i won't cause pain but build something good#sorry... I've just been thinking about it lately#because it is an achievement and i didn’t let myself be proud of how far I've come#alex talks#I'm still scared that people will look at me differently when they know... sometimes i feel like they can see the my rotten core anyway#to delete
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It's officially 12am which means I can daydream about cuddling and being beside someone and it won't be all that surprising..
#sorry that I'm daydreaming about feeling skin against mine... I'm extremely touch starved so. yeah#I don't drink but man. man. it's one of those emotions that I feel like I need to have a drink and sit in the ocean about it#whats wild is that I didnt realize how touch starved I was until I had a taste and suddenly I am dying .#sighs. sighs. sighs even louder. I just wanna cuddle on someone's chest is that so horrible of me...#okay I'm gonna go. play games about it or something.
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I had a fun day today!!! Going to a con with my sister is always a good laugh and glad to have managed to get some decent things!!! Has definitely made me super tired tho!
#spent £100 and I had 240 saved 😭 so i've got some spare money for extra things!!! can be used to help pay my dad for keep next month!#i promise I don't spend money I need on anime things! i'm very very good with saving#and I love my shows so much and stuff like KNY helped give me a reason to create and helps with my anxiety issues#so I have no problem buying things for something I love so much!#i have money aside for food and I don't smoke drink or do anything like that so I have spare funds#i know I shouldnt have to justify myself but I had someone irl claiming i lie about my financial situation when ????#a) it has fuck all to do with him and b) who cares honestly?#i grew up so poor and struggled until last year and still struggle#so growing up we couldnt get things we loved#so it's nice to be able to get myself stuff#sorry for rant but yeahhhh#sky rambles ♡
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