#and pretty intricate little cobwebs dancing a tune and spelling out the number 50 which is insignificant and means nothing obviously you | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

outlying-hyppocrate · 12 hours ago

Text

i really, truly, terrifyingly am unaware of who i am as a person. obviously, interests don't make up an entire personality. but what am i without them? the labels i use to describe myself no longer fit me. i have these swathes of names in my head that i don't want to belong to me and they do nonetheless. i am rotting. i am dying on the inside. one day i will fit to my own ideals and i will be happy and healthy and see beautiful sunlight stream through my windows again.

#random thoughts #(probably being dramatic because i watched another review of those lacey flash games and those always scare the shit out of me.#stop that crispin your language is so cheap and disgusting!!)#conflicting labels and interests and terms to describe the amalgamation of personalities i refer to as mine.#i have no concept of time and it is making me sick to my stomach. i do not remember. so many things.#this is only recent. i have not gone outside in a while.#not properly at least. there was yesterday (or whenever tuesday was) but that was for. legalities.#i sit in my room and i lose track of time and i drink water and i rot and i rot and i rot.#hey what's all this talk about rotting i need to promote the album......... 60 streams in just four days wow!!#listeners in japan and new zealand and germany and all that. amazing.#spotify no longer has malice mizer on the podcast i used to listen to. but there's another one.#i need to talk about random things. i have so much to say.#i've been speaking every day but i need to extend my reach to more people. there is a chance i am very mentally ill and i can't even tell #any of you.#in more ways than one now ! ! ! ! !#the term “crazy person”. i really do feel like it.#and i can't tell if it's properly me or myself in a way that. is. i will not elaborate.#something something four years of speculation.#that's cured momentarily i had a human interaction. i think i need to write meaningless words now. (sorry.)#torturous cloth bleeding desperately for the shrines you see nothing is ever really anything when you look at it beyond the surface of seas #and pretty intricate little cobwebs dancing a tune and spelling out the number 50 which is insignificant and means nothing obviously you #know this now #but as a member of us do you isolate yourself place yourself on a pedestal ever i think we're really all just that purple-blooded syndicate #i got into the things you like so i could be a part of you and now you are a part of me altered in the back of my mind though here you see #he took his own face and name now so he is different in some respects #no i don't like this i can see his face peeling in the forefront of my mind perhaps it is something i ought to share to the world through #song #(okay i just needed to do this. fine now. this post is also scheduled. may or may not delete.)#the internet is really scary!!!!

6 notes · View notes