#like sincerely. how are you progressing through adult life this way

[celepeace]

I don't know how these people get by but some people straight up do not process or choose to ignore half the information given to them in a conversation. My mother in law is this way and it makes dealing with her for complex topics/issues a huge chore. Even in text-based conversations you can give her a detailed rundown of a situation with all the information she would ever need and instead of actually being productive she chooses to ask questions you already answered in the initial text. Like for example you'd say "[son's name] car got a flat tire, we're going to replace it on sunday and it's going to cost [x amount of money]" her first response would be "when are you replacing it?". Like do you have a problem you need to see a doctor for or Are You Just Stupid

[chasingshadowsblog]

"That Which Binds Us Through Time: The Chemical, Physical and Biological Nature of Love; an Exploration of the Meaning of Meaning, Part One" - Love in the 'Bill and Ted' Franchise

I love the Bill and Ted movies and while I know they aren't world-changing, they carry an unwavering warm-heartedness, optimism, positivity and charm that is so important to me in the movies I like most. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and its sequel Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey were both wacky and utterly sweet while also managing to do completely different things; the first is a fun time-travel flick, the second a bizarre sci-fi, Seventh Seal parody. Released in late 2020, Bill and Ted Face the Music was a breath of fresh air in a world riddled by both a global virus and two decades of progressively darker, grittier, bigger, blockbustier movie-making, and I loved it. I loved seeing Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter back at it again, I loved seeing something more of Liz and Jo as people, I loved the predictable twist at the end and the song that united the world, and I especially loved the introduction of Billie and Thea. The movie put a smile on my face for an hour and a half and made me feel good for a long time afterwards. Alex Winter has said of the movies: "…the notion of the sincere idea of representing close friendship against the craziness of the world is a large part of what's carried them. The films are written by two very close friends, are performed by two very close friends, and there's sincerity to this that people enjoy." Personally, fun and enjoyable movies that are nothing more than what they are are my favourite kinds of movies, which is why I have so much love for the Bill and Ted franchise and so much time for trying to argue in their favour. I don't believe we have to scratch too deeply beyond the surface to find out what's underneath, what drives these movies is not their zany plots or charming humour but the unabashed love that Bill and Ted have for each other and the people around them that was so prevalent during the first two movies and carried on almost thirty years later in Face the Music.

The Bill and Ted movies are predominately optimistic and while the conflict in each movie ranges from failing a class to the protagonists' deaths to the end of reality and the universe as we know it, it is never in doubt that the external conflict is only secondary compared to the internal conflict of the boys' lives; the idea that they might be split up, losing their girlfriends, and losing their families. The internal conflict is never based on their own personal struggles, but rather obstacles in the way of relationships with other people - those who are most important to them at the time. Following this, each movie in the franchise represents a different kind of love and relationship, relevant to the particular stage they are at in their lives and the struggles that come in the face of those connections. In Excellent Adventure it's platonic love/the boys' love for each other; in Bogus Journey it's romantic love, and finally, Face the Music represents their adult familial love, collectively portraying the characters' growth from teenagers to young-adulthood to adulthood, the seminal times in their lives and what's most important to them during those times - the chemical, physical, and biological nature of love.

The Chemical: "If you guys had been separated, it would have been disastrous for life as we know it". I think of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure representing platonic love only because the entire plot is based on their friendship and how much they mean to each other. While there is a romantic reading of their relationship, at this point in their lives I believe they are still at the platonic love stage; their friendship in this movie trumps any insinuated romantic or sexual feelings. The danger (the external conflict) established early in the movie is that Bill and Ted are failing their history class and if they don't come up with a good final project they'll fail the year. On top of that, Ted's father, Captain Logan, threatens to send Ted to a military school in Alaska if they do. The real conflict (the internal conflict) is not that they will fail history if they can't produce a great final project, it's that if they fail, they'll be separated. So, when Ted gets distracted while they're studying it is Bill who keeps them focused, not because Bill is more responsible, but because Ted moving to Alaska affects him too. If this wasn't the issue, if failing their history class meant simply failing their history class and repeating, I don't believe they would feel such a frantic need to pass. Rufus even tells us that the harmonic, peaceful utopia he has come from will be lost to the world if Bill and Ted are split up, meaning their friendship is imperative to the fate of the world.

Later on, while trying to rescue princesses in Medieval England, the boys don armour and search the castle, getting into a mock duel with each other which results in Ted falling down a staircase. Bill races after him only to witness Ted's motionless body being stabbed by a guard. Bill hides from the guards then yells at the staff to leave Ted's body alone. As he grieves over his friend's body the guard returns and Bill attacks him in anger, "You murdered Ted, you dickweed!". When Bill is knocked to the ground and appears to be in trouble Ted reappears, no longer in his armour, and hits the guard over the head from behind. Ted's perceived death is the most tragically structured scene throughout the three movies - even their actual deaths in Bogus Journey are only viewed as another obstacle they have to overcome. In Face the Music when they think their marriages are over they are terrified, yes, but their immediate response is to do something about it. The message being that in such dire situations things will work out as long as they're still together. Together, they can get through whatever difficulty is presented to them, even death. In Excellent Adventure, when Bill thinks that Ted has been killed, all he can do is slump down by his side and grieve. It's only because the guard appears that he moves to action, and that action is one performed in anger and to avenge his friend's death. If Ted had actually died Bill wouldn't have continued on his mission. He would have returned Billy and So-crates to their natural timelines, gone home and failed history all by himself. "It's a history report, not a babe report." In the same castle, Bill and Ted meet two princesses, Elizabeth and Joanna, and after finding out about their arranged marriages to "royal ugly dudes" the boys vow to rescue the girls. They fail in the process and are run out of the century; Liz and Jo are then forgotten until Rufus brings them back to present day San Dimas to be a part of the boys' band at the very end of the movie. And here's the thing, Liz and Jo are most-assuredly shoe-horned into the story because in movies heroes get girlfriends (and to avert the gay panic). On the other hand, I believe that their forgetting Liz and Jo ties in with the film's portrayal of platonic love: while they are attracted to the princesses, at this point in their lives getting girlfriends is not a part of their main objective. The movie doesn't begin with either of them saying, "Dude, we've got to pass our history class and get girlfriends before school ends". They have only to pass their history test so that they can stay together and start their band - the band that will unite the world and create a blissful, peaceful future for humankind. That's a fairly important friendship.

The Physical: In Excellent Adventure Rufus brings Liz and Jo back almost as an afterthought on the grounds that they are imperative to the success of Wyld Stallyns. Early on in Bogus Journey the organiser for the Battle of the Bands even states that the girls "can play" but Bill and Ted still have a lot to learn. While they are still secondary characters throughout Bogus Journey the princesses play a bigger role in the movie and in Bill and Ted's lives, representing the next step in their lives - romance. While Bill and Ted are still stuck like glue to each other the girls are present in the movie from the very beginning and remain a focus point for the boys throughout the story. As already noted, Liz and Jo are talented musicians compared to the more fly by the seat of their pants method used by Bill and Ted. After the audition, the boys show concern that the princesses might not be happy to have left their lives in Medieval England to be with two guys who work in Pretzel n' Cheese; they want to improve their situation so the princesses will be happy. All of this concern showing as they know that later that night, after the girls' 521st birthday party, they are going to propose. During the party the boys stay close to the princesses' sides and, because they are a symbiotic foursome, ("A couple of couples" as Bill will say in the future) they carry out their proposals at the same time and place with almost exactly the same speech. Not long after this, the Evil Robot Uses appear, kidnap the boys and kill them. Bill and Ted take a journey through hell, beat Death in a variety of board games and get their lives back, all the while focusing on finding Liz and Jo and stopping the Evil Robot Uses, who were sent to San Dimas by Chuck De Nomolos to destroy Bill and Ted's lives and the peaceful future their music will create (I love this movie). After killing Bill and Ted, the next step in ruining their lives involves ruining their relationships; the Evil Robot Uses molest the princesses (a thing that is clearly out of character for the real Bill and Ted and very upsetting to the girls) resulting in Liz and Jo breaking off their engagements. This more than being dead and more than having two evil robot versions of themselves ruining their future, devastates Bill and Ted. You can read Bill and Ted's relationships with each other and with the princesses in any way you like, but it seems undeniable to me that Liz and Jo are incredibly important to Bill and Ted, that the boys care about them deeply, and that, by the end of the Bogus Journey, all four are ready to start the next stage of their lives together.

The Biological: Early on in Bogus Journey Bill observes that "there's no way we can raise a family on the money we make at Pretzels n' Cheese, dude." This is before their dual proposal to Liz and Jo and shows that already they are thinking of expanding their circle of loved ones; a wish fulfilled at the end of the movie with the introduction of "Little Bill" and "Little Ted". Almost thirty years later we meet these miniature versions in Face the Music as Billie and Thea, who appear to be copies of their fathers in both their love of music and the lengths they will go to to help their loved ones. That theme of facing down seemingly insurmountable obstacles to save the people you love is continued in this third installment when Bill and Ted must once again come up with a song that will unite the world and save reality as we know it. As time and space start acting up in the background, there are three storylines happening around the Preston-Logan families in Face the Music; Bill and Ted's main incentive is to find the song and save their relationships with their families; Billie and Thea gather a band to play for their fathers; Liz and Jo follow older versions of themselves into futures to try and find one where they would be happy with their husbands (a driving concern for current Bill and Ted). All of the major internal conflicts revolve around the well-being of the family and, while Billie and Thea are focused on the importance of the song, both parent groups are more concerned with avoiding the potential break-up of their families, rounding off the final stage in the two men's love lives - family. "Not only was it wearing on them and on the family, but the universe they were told they were going to bring together was actually starting to unravel". Bill and Ted Face the Music is an interesting intallment in the franchise, because, in a lot of ways, neither of them have changed very much; they are still their bumbling, warm-hearted selves, but burdened in a way they haven't been before and have been for a long time by the sound of it: "I'm tired, dude". Before the Bill and Ted-like antics even begin they are faced with very real career and relationship problems: "Wait you're time-traveling again?" "Only to save reality as we know it-" "-but we just found out something way worse-" "- you're leaving us." After 30 years of trying to come up with this song Liz and Jo are frustrated for their husbands, by the impossible task that they've been given, and ask them to attend couples therapy (the men, not understanding, arrange a session for the four of them together). As they progress through the session Bill and Ted are presented with a very real and daunting prospect: their marriages may be ending, yet, as always, their reaction is to take action; they will do whatever they can to make things better. A visit from Rufus' daughter, Kelly, (another example of the love between parent and child in this movie is Kelly's admiration for her father and the work that he did) brings them back to the future, where they are informed that their already difficult task now has a very short time limit. Bill and Ted, using perfect Bill and Ted logic, decide to use Rufus' old phone booth to travel to different futures and find the versions of themselves that have already written the song, "How is that stealing if we're stealing it from ourselves, dude?" In the first future they visit they learn that they have not only failed to write the song but that Liz and Jo have left them and their daughters won't speak to them. Bill and Ted race back to their wives and promise the very confused Liz and Jo that they are going to fix everything. All of a sudden saving the universe comes second behind saving their marriages.

After desperately jumping from future to future to find the song that will fix everything Bill and Ted learn from Denis the robot that Bille and Thea have been (accidentally) killed and sent to hell. Without hesitation, Bill and Ted destroy the copy of the song that they've only just gotten their hands on so the robot will kill them too. Denis refuses but then (accidentally) kills them anyway, and this is the second time in the movie where they have prioritised their families over the fate of the universe. This is a very sweet scene; after working so hard to find the song only to hear that their daughters are in hell their immediate response is to get themselves sent to hell, too. And when Denis refuses to because they now have the song, they don't even speak before they destroy it. They are so close to fixing everything at this point but when their daughters need help, Bill and Ted sacrifice their lives (and their marriages and the universe and reality) to go save them.

All of this is textbook Bill and Ted and a joy to watch unravel, but the real treat of Face the Music, to me, is the introduction of Billie and Thea. Billie and Thea initially appear to be copies of their dads, with the same easy-going optimistic attitudes and intense love of music. Unlike their fathers, however, the girls don't play music and are only interested in listening to it, "That is our primary activity, definitely." Also unlike their fathers, Billie and Thea are geniuses, "Your musical acumen is most impressive girls". By the end of Bogus Journey, Bill and Ted have become actual talented musicians and during the wedding scene in Face the Music we see that even though they haven't been successful, they haven't spent the last 30 years idle; the song they play (the title of this essay, and a veritable weapon in its own right) features a range of instruments from bagpipes to theremin, all played on the spot by Bill and Ted themselves. But Billie and Thea's genius extends beyond their musical acumen; their plan to put together the ultimate back-up band is ultimately what saves the day. As well as that, the way they convince Louis Armstrong and Jimi Hendrix to join the band, then persuade Death to forgive their parents, shows a level of awareness, sound thinking and problem-solving that does not occupy space in Bill and Ted's brains (see: putting buckets over their heads to escape from their future selves in Dave Grohl's house). On top of all this, Billie and Thea admire and love their fathers very much. While everyone else in the movie is either giving Bill and Ted a hard time or losing faith in their music, Billie and Thea fully support them and fully believe they can do it, "Hey, dad, good luck on the song." "You got this." Billie and Thea first decide to help their fathers because they know how much pressure they're under and they want to help out in the only way they think they can, in their heads, there's no possibility of Bill and Ted not being able to accomplish their task, and when their fathers are ready, they'll be ready too.

One thing for sure that hasn't changed about Bill and Ted in 30-plus years is their great capacity for love and how much they care about the people around them. It struck me watching Face the Music that neither Bill or Ted had very good role models for families as young men. While Missy was always nice to them and wanted them to think of her as their "mom" (defending Missy is the hill I will die on), we only ever see Captain Logan either admonishing Ted or disappointed in him; Bill's father married a woman only a few years older than his son, then at one point made Bill leave his own bedroom so that he could sleep with Missy on Bill's bed. Despite these less than desirable examples Bill and Ted have always been loving and warm-hearted; they grow from friends who can't stand to be without each other, to boyfriends who would defy death itself to save their partners, then equally devoted husbands and fathers. They are two boys so open-minded and kind-hearted their success in life determines the fate of the world and creates a utopia based on their simple ideals - "be excellent to each other" and "party on, dudes". And, as the final movie shows, their legacy will live on in their daughters and all of the people they have interacted with and united through their love and music.

[multiplicity-positivity]

We're two headmates in the system- the host (H) and a companion (C)- and we wanted to be together for this so, uh, yeah! Hi! I'm a temporary merge (M), I haven't existed as myself in a while so forgive me if my memory's spotty.

When the system was forming, H was an adult and C was a fictive (and minor) from a source they really loved. They hung out a lot, dabbled in merging together for fun and comfort, and around that same time they were dealing with a lot of queerphobia in the house. They meant someone online who offered us support and love where noone else did. They happened to like our fictive's source too... in a more predatory way.

None of us realized it at the time, but we were groomed. All three of us, H, C, and M. I'd rather not go into details, though I will say it wasn't explicitly sexual. It really took a toll on C and the entire system. And we also have an introject of H's idea of who they thought the groomer was (kind, caring, silly, etc.), who hasn't left and we've barely interacted with.

It's hard. I love my components so much and their friendship is so strained because of what this person taught them. C is working on detaching from the source that formerly brought them so much joy, and I just want the best for her. H really wants to get better from attitudes they absorbed and none of us want the groomer introject here.

In short, we don't know what to do. So we thought we'd turn to you guys, and I'd really appreciate the help on their behalf. I understand if this ask is too heavy, believe me, and I won't be upset if you can't answer it.

Hi! First off, we want to offer our most sincere condolences for what you and your system have been going through. We are wishing you healing and recovery, and hope that y’all can find the support you need (through therapy, loved ones, or something else) to begin to recover in a way that is healthy for you all!

Here are some of our thoughts on y’all’s situation as we understand it:

When it comes to unlearning ideas and concepts that were introduced via grooming… we are not equipped to help you. So so sorry! Our own system was groomed by a loved one, and we have only been able to make progress in that area through having difficult, earnest conversations in therapy. We know that therapy isn’t accessible for everyone, but if your system feels comfortable and has the capability to pursue therapy, this may be the right way to go! No one deserves to be groomed. No one who is a victim of grooming is ever to blame for what their abusers put them through. No exceptions and no questions asked.

As for C’s source separation… we have a post written by an introject in our system with his take on this process and how he managed to go about it successfully.

Cecil mentioned it in his post a little bit, but source separation does not have to mean becoming a totally different person outside your source! It’s okay to still love, connect, and strongly identify with your source. For many introjects, simply recognizing that you are not your source, and are capable of changing, growing, and developing new traits and interests is enough!

Now, as far as the introject of y’all’s groomer goes… they might find that they need to attempt to separate a bit further from their source in order to maintain a calm, healthy life inside y’all’s system. Perhaps Cecil’s post can help them with this!

What might genuinely help, is for the other members in your system besides this introject to remind yourselves and each other that introjects are not their source. We know that dealing with an introject of a groomer or abuser can be incredibly painful and complicated! But doing your best to interact with this introject, expressing interest in them and showing them that you care about them as they are, seeing them as an individual outside of their source… that could really have a positive impact.

You don’t have to do something like this all at once, or force any member to do this who is triggered by or uncomfortable with it! Progress is not linear, and progress happens slowly. Go easy on yourselves, take your time, and try not to rush into anything.

We’re sorry if this response is kind of bare-bones, but we hope that there’s something here that can prove useful for your system! If y’all are continuing to have any difficulties or think of any other question you’d like to ask us, don’t hesitate to reach out. Best of luck to y’all with everything!

[ujunxverse]

hello viv! i doubt you remember me, but a couple years back i sent a lengthy ask to you upon reading 14 steps to a better you (angsty teen, lighthouse analogy person??? if that helps). if you do recognize me, i apologize for such a delayed response. when i first got notice of your reply i was eager to write back right away, but i felt bad to do so. i spoke of how your story had such an influence that it made me want to get back up again, but at the time i had not made much progress that i would have been satisfied to report. i wanted to talk to you as, well, a better me. 

i believe i was 16 back then, i’m 18 now and finishing up my first year of university soon. i’ve achieved and experienced a lot that junior year me would have not even dreamt of. i know i am capable of more, but considering what my state was previously, i'm glad i'm stable enough to establish such a foundation for my “adult” self. it's not a constant feeling yet, but it's a slow and steady improvement. i cannot stress how thankful i am for you and your kind words that motivated me, viv.

honestly, i think about you and your writing more than i expected. as far as i can tell, you are someone who has such immense love and care for your craft. despite having only read 2-3 of your works, your words and passion have lived subconsciously in me for years. while i do enjoy reading, i have not really read many stories in my life so it may not mean much coming from me, but to this day 14 steps is still one of the most impactful pieces of work i’ve had the pleasure of consuming. i sincerely do wish that your efforts always receive the amount of appreciation they deserve. 

your pinned post… perhaps i should be sad that you privated your previous stories, but i think i’m more proud than anything. last i recall you had plans of doing so earlier. i am glad you know your worth and are interacting with an audience who can recognize that. also if i am not mistaken, you had a magazine right? i’m sorry but i forgot its name, if you do get the time to see this could you please share the blog? i would love to support in any way that i can! i remember there was a categorization of genres into seasons which was such a beautiful concept, i hope the magazine is flourishing.

how have you been? i really hope you are doing okay and taking care in the midst of your busy life. until the next time i talk to you, i pray my admiration and support reaches you through telepathic signals. best of luck with everything!!!!!

hey anon !! sorry for getting back to you so late. i'm trying to remember, but frankly, it's been like two whole years since 14 steps initially came out on the blr back in orpheyeux, so i can't really remember much. i hope you don't take offense to this, because i'm normally the type to remember things with a photographic memory. i think a part of it, despite how nice the community i've crafted as orpheyeux was, is the fact that there were some bad things that happened in my time there, and having my work plagiarized here left a bitter taste in my mouth that tanked any form of sentiment i had for this site and my works being published here. i do remember an ask saying they had no place to comment on 14 steps as someone with a lack of experience in life, but it could be someone else.

first off, before getting into my full response, i'd like to say thank you for reaching out. it's always nice to have someone come into my inbox and tell me my work and my words had a profound effect on the trajectory of their life, and seeing that 14 steps, too, was something i wrote when i wanted something to change in my life and the stagnancy i felt, it gives me solace that, as cheesy as this sounds, i'm not the only one going through some form of individual crisis. writing has always allowed me to channel my thoughts and my feelings about whatever emotion i was going through, and i'm extremely happy that it had reached you and affected you in one way or another. it wasn't my initial aim when i wrote 14 steps, but seeing as so many readers have had their lives altered or at least learned something from jake and mc's journey, i can say i'm in some ways proud of what 14 steps had accomplished.

it's good to hear that you're doing well !! i know adolescence can be a difficult time to navigate as i've gone through many ups and downs as a teenager myself, but one thing i would say is that it gets better with time, even if things do get harder and more challenging. when i wrote 14 steps, i was still in the middle of my second year at university fresh out of the pandemic, and now, i'm due to graduate university in the summer and have been offered a spot to do my masters. creative writing had become something that i put in the backburner as i gear up to work on my research interests, and i think it will stay that way for a while given the reading and writing intensive labor required to complete a masters let alone consider a career in academia. though i rarely get praise for any of my works, i think 14 steps left a mark huge enough to have people such as yourself coming back to my now defunct blog and pseudonyms to thank me, and that's more than enough praise and appreciation to me. there's an odd, almost humane experience of wanting to be remembered, and in a sense, this tiny, niche space where my work lives on is good enough to me.

i've watched frieren recently and it completely changed my views in life, where i now believe it's better to live mundanely but with content than continue chasing after accomplishments and success, because in a sense, what you accomplish for yourself is already good enough. and good enough is all you need to keep yourself satisfied. if i'm being honest, part of why i had to let go of orpheyeux was 1) the fandom being toxic but also 2) because it was getting to my head. the statistics, likes, reblogs, praise—all of it was getting to my head and it was getting too difficult for me to keep up. i wanted to write more, but i was afraid i would let my growing audience down because my ideas were not romantic or something that had the same effect as 14 steps or welcome, which was two of the works that gained explosive popularity at the time. despite this, though, it's good to reconnect, and once again, i'm happy you reached out, truly.

yes, you're right. i've been meaning to leave for quite some time now, and i've decided to completely move to ao3. i think the lack of aesthetics has made it a bit better for me to focus my energy on writing alone, because writing on tumblr made me very conscious about banner art/design etc. and yes, indigo seasons was an old project that's now unfortunately defunct, and i do run a music magazine irl but i would like to keep my real identity separate from what i do here, if that's okay with you. since i'm graduating, i'm also stepping down from my two-year tenure as co-editor-in-chief, but if you're curious to see more of my works for the music magazine (to be honest, it's not creative writing at all, just op-eds and show reviews), then i would love to reach out privately and show you our magazine.

your words have certainly reached me the way 14 steps have reached you, and messages like these keep me wanting to write a lot, knowing that there are people out there who truly feel anything from the things i've put out. apart from graduating and preparing for grad school, nothing's going on in my life. i have a pretty stable part-time job and i plan to do an internship, and i've been thinking about my own 14 steps ahead of time.

how have you been? i hope you're doing well too, and do reach out whenever you can if you need someone to talk to. i'll always be here despite a hectic schedule, and i do enjoy long conversations such as this one.

best regards,

vivian.

[berf-a-smurf]

Hello future self!

First, I hope you still have the berf-a-smurf handle so that you’re notified of this because I want you to know that I really really really love you!!

You’re graduating from the DBT program this upcoming week and you’ve made so much progress this year. I’m so flipping proud of you and how you’ve clawed your way out of depression 🫶 You have the skills -your therapists guarantee you have them- to do such amazing things! Some regression is part of recovery so don’t get down on yourself if you’ve still been battling the echoes. I really hope you’ve been able to cement a life worth living and are in a much better headspace over all! You’ve got this, I really believe it!

From the therapy, I hope you’ve managed to figure out how to have a relationship with mom that’s neither argumentative or an authority/scared child dynamic. Set those boundaries! You’ve been an adult for a while now, you more than deserve it!

Speaking of being an adult, you’ve felt “so old” since you turned 20. You’re 32 now in 2029 and I hope my wishes have come true for you to tap into the youth you weren’t afforded. Also!! Remember that 32 is still less than half way!! We have soooo much time to figure things out!!!

I hope your therapy skills have also let you continue to find people who love and admire the real you! We’ve felt that acceptance a lot the past few months and I hope you’ve been able to keep it going. It feels great and I promise you with all my heart that they all sincerely mean it and enjoy your presence 🫶 You’re not an alien, you just had to find your people.

The last therapy thing: a healthy romantic relationship. We’re yearning for this so much right now! You and I’ve been through a couple 3-year relationships at this point and I’ve never felt more equipped than now to do it again! Wishing the next one from here is for life and that you can finally start a family and be the amazing father you’ve dreamed of being 😊

Back to the feelings of acceptance for a moment. Remember the friends you made at CDN; how the job was gruelling but they were so worth it! And also remember the team you met this past week while working the election. I feel like we’ll cherish them forever (at least I’d like to, they all rock!) Every one of them is a gem. You’re a gem too; you belong! ♥️

I still have final voting day to do yet but our turn on the advance polls has led to the supervisor offering us a position in the district office when federals come around. That’s HUGE dude! Good job! Obviously, I don’t know yet if we got into it or just ended up in another steady 9-5 but the OFFER?!?! I think we have enough proof by now that we can let go of the imposter syndrome; we DO have a spark.

And 5 years from now? Who knows! That’s lots of time for opportunities to come up! I hope you’re in an amazing place where you can take advantage of your strengths and stay true to yourself 😊 Let that spark burn, baby!

Lastly of all, I hope you’ll look back on me with the same love and compassion we’ve looked back on our child and teen selves.

We’re all cheering you on! Keep doing you!

With all the love in the world,

-The you that existed and survived 2024 ♥️

Hey guys, I want as many people to leave a message on this post for their future selves. I want you to leave a message so that in five years I can notify everyone who left a message on this post so they can remember the message they left for themselves.

Message to My Future self I hope you're doing well I hope you were able to achieve the goals and dreams that I have been dreaming of. I hope that we were able to finally find a job, I hope that we are able to see that road in Montana we always wanted to go to I hope we took thousands and thousands of portraits. I hope that mom dad and my brothers and sisters are all doing good and most of all I hope that I'm happy. I hope that me and my girlfriend are still together and maybe even have a kid on the way.

Also remember to check on the price of Bitcoin if the economy has a collapsed.

This is Neko I'm putting a picture of him into the time capsule.

[unravellinginyourarms]

Grieving The Gentle & Innocent Love I Thought I Had Lost

01.22.23 at 8:22pm

A few days ago, I listened to Maddie Dragsbaek’s podcast, Emotionally Online, it was the episode about being the “other woman”. One of the most powerful things that stood out to me was when she mentioned how she had been grieving the innocent and gentle love that I wanted so desperately when she was young. She feared that she may never experience such a thing as she aged. Honestly, in that moment, I felt like she could see me across the screen. I was taken aback by what she had said. It’s something that I knew about myself but had failed to put into words for a very long time. The truth is, there are days when I feel worried about the fact that I never really experienced love / intimate moments during my late teens and early 20s. When I think about the types of milestones I hope to have with a partner, I fear that I am too late for things like that. I am concerned that as I progress through my 20s, I will be moving further away from knowing romance, in its purest form. When you date as an adult, things just feel so fucking serious all of the time, and there is a part of me that loathes this. I know that’s just the reality, but what if I never know the feeling of cute dates, sneaking out at night to see each other, losing my virginity in a very sincere way with someone who actually likes me? I don’t know the thrill of watching my high school boyfriend asking me to go to prom in front of the whole school, I don’t know the comfort of having my bf walk me to my uni classes. I don’t know the joy of picking out an anniversary gift or holding hands with someone I love so deeply or feeling like I am the most beautiful person because someone like him loves me. Like Maddie, I have been grieving this perceived loss. But, just like Maddie, I am doing my best to remember that those things do not need to be sacrificed. I can still make those stunning memories, there shouldn't be an age limit on it. Sure, there will be subtle differences, but at the end of the day, I deserve love that gentle and innocent. Once that aims to nurture me and teach me more about myself. That is the love that I know I can provide some day, so I need to remain hopeful, maybe even certain, that my time will come eventually. 

I will confess, it’s been so fucking hard being optimistic. Most days I lean towards detachment because the disappointment that comes from knowing that part of my life is inexperienced and empty, makes me feel really sad and insecure. Growing up, I wasn’t desired by guys that much. Maybe a couple of odd ones had slight feelings for me, but it wasn’t reciprocated. I have never really gotten the chance to know such mutual affection and attraction. I ached for it for sooooooo long. As I got older the tables turned quite quickly. More guys showed an interest in me but I was feeling spent. I was too tired to date, too bored. No one could get through to me. Men seemed very vapid, dull, perverse, or just plain ugly. I couldn’t find anyone that fit with me, and that actually made me feel worse. Because I know there are good men out there, but I just couldn’t understand why I was struggling to find them. Was I the problem? Were my standards too high? I don’t think so, maybe others would disagree. I did my best to be reasonable but I haven’t felt safe enough with any of these guys. In turn, my body and my psyche shut down, I truly wasn’t the same. Attraction decreased, libido plummeted and all I could do was focus on friends, work, and school. I’m grateful that I had the opportunity to enhance and cherish those areas of my life, but I still feel like a fucking loser for having close to zero relationship experience.

I feel too immature, too inexperienced, just like a fucking child. It makes it harder for me to initiate things, I’m constantly rattled by the idea of a many being sexually attracted to me. I still haven’t committed to picking a direction o this matter. All I have been doing is trying to remain positive whilst still focusing on other parts of my life/career. I have to believe that all is not lost, it can’t be. I’m only 23. If life was meant to end by this point then that would be shitty. However, I approximately have about another 60 years of life ahead of me. I think that’s plenty of time for things to change. Over those decades, I will continue to progress towards the life I was meant to live. No matter how slow the process may seem, it’s probably a good thing that I’m not getting everything I ever wanted all at once. Then, there’d be very little to look forward to, very little to work on. And that is the energy I need to foster and maintain with age.

– Isla

[that-one-shitty-fanfic-writer]

Fashionable Discharge

Part 2 - Yandere Vil x Chubby Reader x ???

Warning: Strong Verbal Abuse

Proofread and Edited By (Discord) spyratical

Part 1 - Part 3

When Mr. Χάος proposed these "hangouts" (if you can even call them that), you did not imagine that each time you were invited over, the majority of the time would be spent in an awkward dead silence between the both of you. You sincerely make multiple attempts to make friendly conversation with the man, but with your lack of social skills and Vil's blunt answers, it made for poor exchanges. Whenever the hour was up, Vil would dismiss you, and you would call Mr. Χάος shortly after, whom would always be ready to pick you up at a moment's notice; it seemed that out all of your supposed guardians, Mr. Χάος is the one whom cares about you the most. As you would relay the events of said hour, he could tell that you're crestfallen with yourself.

Shortly after each session, Χάος would treat you to your favorite snack, and spend time with you afterwards; from taking you out to a new place to explore to simply making dinner at your place whilst you wallow in your emotions within the comfort of your own space, you simply said the word and Mr. Χάος would do his best to accommodate to your wishes. As professional as his job required him to be, especially as one of your parents' best advisers and legal consultants, Χάος always made time and put effort into caring for you, only with the best intentions in mind. He understood that with you coming of age, you would want to explore more of the outside world rather than the confined limitations of the studies your parents would allow your tutors to teach. With your inept social skills, he also understood that you needed a way to practice how to mingle with others who are not from the small circle of people your parents trust with the secrecy of your existence. Hence, how he came up with his offer for Vil; Vil, being your age, could serve as a familiar to converse with, and afterwards you could also go on small expeditions in the outside world, if you wished.

The only thing Χάος wished could go better would be Schoenheit's behavior towards the temporary arrangement. He expected this conduct to happen within the first two meetings but seeing the fifth meeting bear the same results as the previous ones, he couldn't help but feel weary.

Alas, today is a new day, and with that, the sixth meeting with Vil; you hold hope for a fresh start with your acquaintance. In all sincerity, with the given circumstances, you still could not care if the deal fell through, you just wish you will at least make a friend out of Schoenheit. To have a friendship outside of your limited circle, much less your age, would mean a lot to you, an amazing stride forward towards progress of becoming your own independent being. Much like Χάος, you too wished Vil would be more kind, you wish you could confide in someone from an outside perspective of your caged life and provide some words of comfort. However, with Vil still only giving you short responses and long silences, at this point the only thing that provided you with any sort of warmth was the tea you sipped.

That is until Vil finally was the first to break the silence, with a slip of venom.

"Why do you come here?"

Unprepared for the question, you ask him to repeat himself.

"Why do you come here?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think I understand-"

"Why do you keep coming over? The past five meetings have all been reticent and a complete waste of time; yet here we are again, and nothing has changed."

The man is starting to become heated, and you know little to calm him down, "I'm sorry, Schoenheit, I don't mean to upset you. It's just that in the agreement-"

"To hell with that thing!" You jump, startled by Vil's fist coming down on the table at his interjection. "I never want to hear about that contract ever again, not when every other adult in my life is constantly nagging at me about the bloody thing!"

Your heart is in your throat, and you don't know what to say. "I-I'm sorry, Schoenheit, I didn't know that-"

"Did you ask your parents to make this arrangement?"

"What?"

"Don't think I didn't notice how you never spoke up against the engagement in the meeting!"

Your brain is pounding within your skull, and you don't know what to think. This isn't how this day was supposed to go.

"N-No, it's not-"

Yet the man still addresses you in disgust.

"Fucking Pervert. Wasting my time with what could be some semblance of peace and quiet for myself."

"..."

"Do you always do whatever your mommy and daddy tell you to do?"

Tears start to cascade down your cheeks freely, and your vision starts to blur. You couldn't argue against him at that moment, after all, that is what you have been doing with your life up to that point. "Please... stop."

"Of course, you still keep up formalities, even with a man whose face you still refuse to even look at and insults you to your fatty cheeks. Pathetic."

"Please... please..." Your pleads grow weaker as you fists clench tighter onto your being, hugging yourself; you feel helpless and weak. A small reminder goes off on Vil's phone, telling him to check the time. After leaving money for a toll phone in front of you, he stood up from his chair and begun to walk away.

"Times up… I'm done... Like I would ever want to marry the likes of you. Go call your lawyer, fat pig."

Once the clicking of shoes disappeared, you finally stood up and slowly started to step away from the scene. Steps turned into a walk, from walk to a jog, and naturally, jog turned into a run. None of this was supposed to happen, you were not supposed to be crying, you shouldn't be running away, Vil was not supposed to be so cruel. Yet it did happen, he was that cruel, and you're crying and running through the nearby forest as though your life depended on it. Perhaps your life did depend on it, seeing as you allowed thorns, twigs, and branches to scratch and claw at both your skin and clothes, all while running away from your current reality. It's only when you had tripped over an unearthed root that you came to a halt, crashing down onto the forest floor, whimpering for the putrid shame that overwhelmed you for your very being.

If only the ground could just break open and swallow you whole, then you wouldn't be in the predicament that was about to occur. If only you had called Mr. Χάος, like Schoenheit had told you to, then he wouldn't have heard the soft and distant thump of you hitting the ground. If only you could stop whimpering to yourself in self-hatred, then he wouldn't be able to follow the sounds of your soft weeps. If only you had obeyed direct orders one last time, then he wouldn't have found you.

"Oh goodness! Are you okay?" Through your blurred vision, you see the vague shape of a man with splashes of yellow and blue rushing over to you.

Trying your best to wipe away any tears, dirt, and grime, with a raspy voice and a heavy heart, you answer with, "I'm sorry... yes, I'm fine." Though with tattered clothes, bleeding scratches, and puffy wet eyes, it would be hard to convince anyone that it was true. Slowly helping you up to your feet, the stranger puts your arm around his shoulder and allows you to lean onto him for support as he leads you out of the forest and into safety.

As he begins to aid you at his place of residency, he questions as to what events occurred that led to him finding you so far away from the closest town. As he continued to press for reasons, the floodgates reopened and you recounted that day's events, though you did make sure to not bring up Vil by name, not wanting to tarnish his reputation even now. After the retelling of events, the stranger comforted you with genuine kindness, consoling you with lighthearted banter, getting you to feel mirth and relief, allowing you to welcome the distraction. Whilst exchanging pleasantries, you briefly brought up your desire for a friend, but just before you could move onto a different subject, the stranger asked, "How about we become friends?"

A twinge of guilt courses through you, afraid that you may have put him in a tight spot; you're quick to answer with, "No, you don't have to-"

"Sweetheart, please, I want to, truly!" Pulling out his phone, he's quick to unlock it and pop open an app. "C'mon, let me just add you on-"

"Oh, I'm sorry, but I don't have a social media presence."

"Well in that case, we can just start off by texting each other."

"I apologize, but I also don't own a phone."

"I guess I don't have any other choice..."

Feeling defeated once again, you lowered your head to hide revived tears, making themselves present at the brink of cascading, having already lost your first friend.

"I'm sorry-"

"We'll just have to visit one another as often as possible!"

"What-? I mean, you really don't-"

"Too late~ it's already set-in stone! Instead of going to meet that other man every two weeks, from now on, you'll visit me! In turn, whenever I get a chance, I'll go visit you, Chipmunk~!"

"Chipmunk?"

"Lots of people like to come up with nicknames for their friends as their bonds bring them closer. Since I'm going to be your first real friend, I figured that you would like to already have that kind of bond with me. Start out early so we can grow even closer as time moves on; plus, Chipmunk sounds like a cute and fitting nickname for you, doesn't it?"

Not willing to bite the only hand offering you any semblance of friendship, you nod in agreement instead of offering your discomfort on the matter. Was it normal for people in your generation to advance friendships so quickly?

"Great! Now, to commemorate our first milestone, let's take a picture together~!"

Quickly remembering your parents' rules regarding the public's knowledge of your existence being limited to what they would allow, you try to shut down the action, "I don't think that would be a good idea. I'm not really comfortable with putting myself out there all that much."

"Oh, don't worry! I won't share it with anyone, you can trust me, Chipmunk."

After some personal deliberation, with a light sigh, you situate yourself next to your new friend as he brings you closer with his hand on your shoulder. As the little timer starts to count down, he retorts a clever little joke that makes you genuinely laugh just at the nick of time of the photograph being taken.

"Thank you for becoming my friend-... I'm sorry, I don't think you ever told me your name."

"Oh right, where are my manners, I'm Neige LeBlanche."

[donutloverxo]

No more waiting

Please note that my work is not to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account without my permission. Reblogs are most welcome though!

Note - Part two to Pink Lady.

Dividers by @whimsicalrogers

Summary - Andy is determined to wait. But will he be able to?

Warnings - 18+ only smut (m/f), professor/student relationship, unprotected sex, dom Andy, many mentions of spanking but no actual spanking, sir kink.

Pairing - Andy Barber x reader

Word count - 3320

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

You groaned as you tossed out yet another piece of clothing. Professor Barber had asked you to come to his house, so he could give you ‘private lessons’. Obviously, you had no interest in actually studying. Especially with a man who looks like Andy Barber. You intended on milking the time you did have with him by getting what you wanted.

You settled on a tight skirt that hadn’t fit you in years. It was sexy enough to be enticing but innocent enough that you could claim plausible deniability.

You are not trying to tease him. You would never! You’re just wearing a normal skirt and taking lessons like the diligent and sincere student that you are.

You whistled lowly, pulling over in front of his house, impressed by the sheer size of it. He was an actual adult with a big, sophisticated house in the suburbs. The most valuable thing you owned was a Louis Vuitton bag an ex gave you.

You couldn’t be intimidated. Not now, when you were in this deep. Checking your lipstick one last time you rang the bell, holding your books up and eagerly waiting.

After a minute he opened the door. Leaning over the frame and examining you.

You felt butterflies pool in your stomach at his casual loungewear. His sleeves rolled up, exposing his tones arms to you and those dark jeans hugging him so perfectly. You really couldn’t decide if you preferred this or those business suits.

“You’re late.” he scolded you as you rolled your eyes. Of course that’s the first thing he'd say to you. “What have I said about rolling your eyes at me?” he cocked his head to the side, as if daring you to provoke him.

You hummed in thought, “I don’t remember.... Oh yes!” you beamed as if you’d had an epiphany “to do it as often as I can!”

He stared you down for a moment before shaking his head as he chuckled. “Get in here. What am I going to do with you?”

You were about to be a smartass some more, cooking up a dirty response in your head, just to see how far you could push him but then he put his hand on your lower back. You felt shivers run up your spine, goose bumps all over your skin as you squirmed under his touch.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, shutting the door behind you.

You gulped as you nodded, “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be? I’m just here to study.” You laughed to ease your own nerves.

“Go sit on the table,” he instructed.

You pulled out a chair, placing your books on the dining table. He sat in front of you, nursing a beer. “Let’s start. Where do you struggle the most?”

“Can I have one too?” You were about to take the bottle from him to take but he swatted your hands away.

“Absolutely not. You need a clear head to study. And we both know you can’t handle your alcohol.”

You scoffed incredulously, “I can so! And if I can’t have it then neither should you.” you puffed your cheeks before mumbling “beer tastes gross anyway.”

“Why do you have to make everything so difficult?” he groaned pinching the bridge of his nose. “Let’s not forget, I’m doing you a favor here.”

“I know, maybe I could thank you for it.” you licked your lips. Thinking of his heavy cock in your mouth, the biggest you’ve ever had, it was a challenge to deep throat him. You weren’t one to just give it away for free and not expect anything in return. But... anything for professor Barber.

“That’s cute,” he said condescendingly, giving you a fake wide smile. “Now start studying or I’ll have to spank you,” he warned.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” you giggled shamelessly, not really understanding how that would be a punishment, but then opened your book when he gave you a stern look.

He got up and walked to the stove check on his sauce. He just needed to get away from you for a moment and take a breather.

He hasn’t thought this through.

His original plan was to tutor you and get your grades up. So that you could graduate and he could ask you out without endangering his job and reputation. He intended to keep his hands to himself till then. One slip up and you both would have to face grave consequences.

The blow job in his office - was a mistake. Although it was too good to be something he mourned or regretted. He should’ve said no but you knew just to push his buttons. Just like the ridiculous schoolgirl skirt you were wearing tonight. Or how your tight shirt and cleavage left nothing to his imagination.

Worse of all was that fucking red lip. He hated that you had tasted him and he couldn’t even kiss you. What he wouldn’t give for just a quick peck.

“Mr Barber,” he heard you call for him and groaned as his cock stirred at your chirpy tone. He loathed just how far gone he was for you. You, sitting up so sweetly with your breasts pushed up together, certainly don’t make it any easier.

“I’m all done. Can we get on to the fun part now? Pretty please?” you cooed batting your lashes at him.

“The fun part is studying - keep telling yourself that and you might actually like it.” he suggested and you rolled your eyes again. He had half a mind to bend you over the table, lift up your skirt and pull down your panties, even though he was pretty sure you weren’t wearing any, and teach you a lesson. “Careful. Or they’ll get stuck up there.” He tapped your forehead with his finger.

“I meant the actual fun part.” Boldly, you reached over and palmed his crotch through his jeans. Not really surprised to find him aroused.

“Stop,” he gritted as he grabbed at your wrist with a bruising grip. “I told you, we’re not doing that. Not till you graduate or I’ll lose my job.”

“What about what we did in your office?” you pouted.

“That was a mistake. You left me no choice.”

You frowned, “Right. I overpowered you because you’re so weak and helpless.”

“Enough. Now study and then we can have dinner.”

“And then we have dessert?” You wiggled your brows suggestively.

“No. Then you drive back to your dorm.” he ignored your pitiful puppy eyes and sat across you, working on his cases. Maybe that would inspire you to actually get some studying done.

“Do you not like law?” he asked after over an hour.

You hummed as you heard him. Too engrossed in studying, you didn’t even register his words. You didn’t remember the last time you had concentrated so well. “Meh. It’s alright I guess. I wouldn’t wanna go to law school though.”

“Then what do you want to do?” he dropped his pen leaning back on the chair, crossing his arms across his chest.

“I don’t know. I guess what you do sounds nice,” you mumbled making notes with your glitter pens.

“Being a DA?”

“Yeah. It just sounds so hard though. Like going to law school and then being an intern for years and then working for like eighty hours a week...”

“Anything worth having is always hard to achieve.” he stated. Aware of how the same applies to his situation. He wants, no needs you, but if he wants to do this the right way - he has to wait.

“I guess you’re right.” you agreed.

After going over your notes and quizzing you, he was satisfied with your progress. He set the table for dinner.

“Good job,” he smiled, feeling his heart swell with pride. “See, you put your mind to something and you can absolutely achieve it.”

You squinted your eyes, “No spanking then?”

He chuckled “Nope. Not for now. I’m your tutor, that’s all.” he said more so to himself, to remember, to have some self control, it will pay off.

“Oh my gosh!” you moaned as the creamy tangy sauce burst your taste buds “I can’t remember the last time I ate something that wasn’t ramen.”

He shook his head “You need to eat better to study better.”

“But I don’t know how to cook!” you whined.

“Then I guess I’ll have you teach you that too.”

He helped you pack your things up, moving as slow as a sloth. Not wanting you to leave just yet. He couldn’t have enough of you. Maybe he’d ask you to stay in the guestroom. He had a perfectly good excuse, it was late. But he wasn’t sure he could trust himself to keep his hands off of you.

“Goodbye then. I’m going to quiz you tomorrow. Don’t forget.” he said walking you to his door. He turned to see you blinking up at him.

He never thought he’d be so smitten with someone so different than him. All his life he dated women his age or older. They suited his old soul much better, none of his relationships really went anywhere, maybe he was too cautious to actually let someone in. To open up enough, to reveal his true self to anyone.

But you were unlike anyone he had ever met, it was as if you were exotic. So bright - almost blinding. So young and sweet. You made him feel things he never thought he could. You could be the proverbial ying to his yang.

“Yeah yeah, I remember,” you waved him off. Still salty that you didn’t get to do any of the naughty stuff you had planned. “Is there something on my face?” You touched your cheek when you caught him staring at you. Letting out a shaky breath and cowering under his predatory gaze.

“I’ll try harder next time!” you panicked, assuming you did a bad job at studying. You tried your best. What else were you supposed to do? The idea of a spanking sounded more scary than sexy to you now.

“Fuck it,” he gritted as he crashed his lips over yours, grabbing your waist and your hip to still you. He invaded your mouth with his tongue, taking his time to explore all your nooks. Sucking your bottom lip between his lips before releasing it with a smack he pulled away. Both of you heaving and trying to catch your breath.

You threw your arms around his neck, pressing hot and quick kisses “I thought we were going to wait,” you said against his lips.

“I can’t. I thought I could. I’m only a man, you know?” he sighed as he pulled you in, exploring your body with his hands “What do you want to do?” As impatient as he was, he would never force himself on you or do anything without your permission.

“I just... I - ” Your cheeks instantly heat up as you stutter. As naughty as your filthy mind was, it had to choose this moment to betray you. “You know, you know! Oh my god,” you smacked your forehead “Are you really gonna make me say it?”

“Yes,” he breathed, leaning down to suck your earlobe “say it.” He peppered butterfly kisses on your jaw and down your neck. Sucking thoroughly on a spot that made you moan.

“Fine!” you huffed. Feeling his fingers ghost over your inner thighs. “Professor – sir, will you please fuck me. As in put your man missile in my special princess place.” you said in a mock seductive tone.

“Don’t sass me.” he groaned, pushing his erection into you, he put his hands on your shoulders to turn you around, lightly smacking your butt he urged you to go upstairs. “Come on, hurry up. We don’t have all night.” You did have all night but his patience, as it often did with you, was running thin.

You made yourself comfortable on his bed, working on his belt and unzipping his pants. “I’ve never been this addicted to a cock before, professor,” you husked pulling him out of his underwear and licking a firm stripe up his slit, his hand holding onto your head. “I hope you know you’re special.” you beamed at him through hooded eyes. Wrapping your lips around his weeping tip, about to swallow him whole but he pushes your head away.

“Right back at ya, honey. Now,” he laid down on his back beside you as you stared at him, so adorably confused, “come sit on my face.”

“What?!” you unintentionally screamed -in delightful horror. It had always been a fantasy of yours, so downright dirty, and you have a chance to do it with your dream man? You would be a fool to turn him down, but you were anxious, that beard between your thighs would be a bit too much for you to handle.

He didn’t give you any time to think about it, grabbing your hips and swiftly placing you on top of his head, “Oh!” you yelped at the coarse feel of his whiskers against your pussy. You held onto his short silky locks for support as he worked on steadying you “That’s - ” you were cut off when he wrapped his mouth around your clit, sucking it harshly.

“You’re already so wet,” The vibrations from his words sent a jolt up your spine “And you’re not wearing any panties,” he tutted before diving back in, determined to not stop until you’re seeing stars.

“Are you really surprised - holy shit,” you gasped as you felt his tongue prodding at your entrance before slipping in. It was so strange and new, the velvety warm feel of it was almost too good. “Oh, I’m gonna come.” you whimpered.

“No,” he pulled away “you don’t come without permission. Is that understood?”

You frantically nod your head, under any other circumstances you would’ve argued, who the hell does he think he is to deny or control your orgasms? But you were putty in his hands and desperate to have that sweet release. “Please, sir, can I come?”

“May I come.” He corrected you “You need to learn some manners.”.

And you had to supress the urge to call him names, “May I come, sir? Please.” you said breathlessly as he lapped you up.

“Yes, you may.”

You sobbed, his fingers digging into your ass and his tongue working magic on you was too good all at once. A string of curses and loud moans left your mouth, your climax hitting you in waves of pleasure, you held onto the headboard as your legs turned into jello.

“That was amazing,” you panted, mewling as he nipped at your sensitive flesh.

You got off of him, kneeling beside him as he got up, his beard drenched in your juices which he rubbed off with the back of his hand. Placing a sloppy kiss on your lips, to make you taste your own arousal, he pushed you down on his mattress and worked on ridding you of your clothes.

You pulled the helm of his shirt up “Off!” you whined. He was too far gone to chastise you so he took off his clothes, throwing them away before he got a good look at you.

He groaned at your naked form. He had thought of you while pleasuring himself more than once. He wouldn’t even be bothered to be ashamed of it. He thought of your lips and small hands wrapped around his girth, how tight and hot your cunt would feel, but most of all how beautiful you’d look when you were completely bare.

He painted a pretty picture in his head, but really, he never could do you any justice. His imagination could never be that strong.

“Is something wrong?” you bashfully averted your eyes from him.

“No. You’re just so... perfect.” he couldn’t come up with a better word.

You scoffed, “You’re just saying that. There are a million things I’d change about myself. I’m not the one who’s perfect!” you frowned. Tempted to touch his defined abs. His broad shoulders and bulky form looked ridiculously big between your legs.

“I don’t have time to argue,” He absolutely would not have you or anyone else, putting you down. Bur right now, his cock was aching to be buried in your heat. If he waited any longer he was afraid he’d burst. He lined his cock up to your entrance, watching intently as he slowly pushed in “but we will have a discussion about that, later.” he groaned as he bottomed out.

“What?” You had no idea what he was even going on about. His cock was stretching you out “It’s too big,” you cried. You felt as if you were being split in half.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. You can handle it. I’ll be gentle.” He was aware that he was much bigger than average. So he stayed inside you for a few moments, letting you get accustomed to his length. He slipped a hand between your joined bodies, spreading your lips open with his fingers.

“Don’t - don’t do that.” Him looking at your pussy like that, when you were so vulnerable before him made you flustered.

“Look,” he told you and you only shook your head. He sternly said your name and ordered you to look again.

You propped yourself up on your elbows, gulping as you sneaked a peek, whimpering at the sight of his girth buried inside you.

“You have such a pretty pussy you know that?” He gushed before making a ‘tch' sound and stilling your hips, stopping your pathetic attempts at wiggling them. “Wait a minute, will you?” he wasn’t done admiring you and savoring you.

“Please,” you begged as tears fell down your cheeks.

He grumbled something under his breath before pulling out of you, his tip still buried in your heat, he pushed back in forcefully.

You threw your head back, clutching your pillow tightly as his hips rutted into you. His pelvis rubbing your swollen clit every time he bottomed out.

“Can I - can I come?” you remembered to ask him even though you were too delirious to even comprehend what you we’re sayings. Everything around you slipped into an abyss. His groans echoing in the room, his bruising grip on your hip, and his cock driving into you again and again, touching all your sweet spots.

You weren’t sure you could stop yourself even if he said no. But you knew he’d never be that mean. You vaguely heard him say ‘yes' before you let go. Clenching around his length as you slapped a hand over your mouth to keep from screaming anymore.

His hips stuttered, pulling his length out of you, he stroked himself above you. Your fucked out state only fuelling his aggressive jerks as spurts of his seed landed on your stomach and your titts.

He held onto your knee, swirling his cum that painted your skin so beautiful with his fingers, “Looks pretty on you,” He smeared some on your nipple before pulling it between his fingers.

“Ouch,” you grimaced as he released it. “Too sensitive right now.” you closed your eyes, already feeling drowsy.

He hummed “I’ll let you sleep for a few hours.” He used his discarded shirt to clean his cum off of you before throwing it away and pulling you in his arms. He nuzzled his nose in your hair, feeling satiated with your soft warm body against him.

“You have god tier stamina, man.” You murmured “Andy, you couldn’t even last a day. What happened to being patient? What will people say?” you giggled, burying your head in his chest.

“That’s Professor Barber to you.” he smiled, kissing your temple. Even tired, you were still a spitfire. He’d deal with all that the next day. “It was worth it.”

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Comments and reblogs are really appreciated! ❤❤

[grlwtskulltattoo]

Fall For You - Chapter 4

Characters - Jax Teller x OFC (Katrina)

Summary - Katrina leaves an abuse relationship and heads home after finding out about her father’s passing. Old feelings come back to the surface for a person from her past. Story will follow the events of the show as much as possible. How might have Jax’s story changed with a different woman in his life.

Word Count - 8152

Warnings - NSFW, Hardcore Smut, Violence, Angst, Adult Language, Dark Themes, Fluff, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Accident, Mentions of Physical and Emotional Abuse, Self-Harm. Drinking.

Will add to the warnings as the story progresses. Warnings cover the whole series. Some parts will be more mild than others.

A/N - Feedback is welcomed and encouraged, and may help motivate me to continue. All mistakes are my own. If you would like to be tagged in future parts, please send me an ask to be added to the list.

I know this chapter has been a long time coming. Just took me awhile to get the pieces to fit into the right place. I can only hope that I did it justice. This chapter ended up being twice as long as I expected. I hope that helps make up for the long ass wait…. Oh and there is an added bonus at the end of the chapter…..Smut….If you’re into that kind of thing. I apologize in advance if it sucks…. Been a long time since I’ve written steamy sex scenes. Thanks for following along on this crazy ride.

Katrina spent the week following her father’s funeral preparing the house to put up for sale. She had no desire to continue living in the house that harbored so many bad memories. Her only regret is that bad memories out weigh the good ones involving her mom. She went through all of her father’s belongings. She saved the important stuff, family mementos that mainly involved her mom, some things from her father’s past that she’s curious about, and some items from her childhood. She was surprised to find a shoebox in her closet filled with notes that her, Jax and Opie passed to each other in school. She knew that she should throw them away, but couldn’t bring herself to do it. The stuff she didn’t want to keep was piled up in the driveway under the carport beside the garage for the local thrift store to pick up.

She is leaving the furniture in the house at the recommendation of the Realtor. He told Katrina that having furniture in the house gives potential buyers a better idea of the size of the rooms. Katrina doesn’t really care either way, the furniture will be donated as soon as the house sells. The old Dodge Challenger in the garage Katrina plans to keep. Even if she has to rent a storage unit to store it in until she finds a new place to call home. She is only keeping the bare necessities in the house for her to use until she leaves.

She has to admit that she’s a little relieved that she hasn’t had any unexpected guests. Everything has been pretty quiet since the funeral, other than the explosion that occurred the night before last, on the outskirts of town. She can’t help but wonder if Samcro was somehow involved with it. Maybe that was why Jax hasn’t tried to stop by.

Katrina spent some time pouring over the old photos in her father’s stuff. On the back of the photo of him dressed in Native American regalia was written “Pine Ridge Res”. She wondered if maybe his family lived on the reservation. Maybe she had an aunt or uncle still living there. She was seriously considering taking a drive up there to investigate. Hopefully learn more about his past, so maybe she can understand why he became such a bitter asshole of a father. South Dakota might also be a good place to get a fresh start, away from Charming and far away from Vince.

Katrina puts the photos in an envelope and places it with her duffle in her bedroom. She fixes herself something to eat once she realizes that it’s already evening time. While she is eating, she thinks about the meal Gemma prepared for the dinner after her father’s funeral. She still feels a little guilty for leaving the way that she did. Gemma has a good heart, and has always treated Katrina like family, even if she has a tendency to meddle. Katrina knows in her heart it wouldn't feel right to just leave town without expressing her gratitude to Gemma for all of her help. Once Katrina finishes eating, she cleans up then grabs her jacket. She’s getting a little stir crazy at the house and decides to head over to TM to see if Gemma is still there working in the office. It’s getting a little late, but she remembers Gemma used to work all hours of the day and evening depending on how busy they were.

As Katrina rode her Harley to the shop she knew she was taking a chance on running into Jax. Hopefully he’ll be out doing club stuff, and won’t notice her there. When she pulled into the parking lot at Teller Morrow it was mostly empty save a couple cars and bikes. She parks her bike near the office, relieved to see Gemma’s car parked near the door. When Katrina turns off her bike, she’s surprised that there’s no loud rowdy music coming from the clubhouse. It’s actually pretty quiet. There is light filtering from the office window, so she’s fairly confident that Gemma’s inside. Katrina quietly walks inside the open door, catching Gemma off guard.

“Hey baby, what brings you by?” Gemma asks with concern in her voice. Katrina notices that Gemma looks tired, like the weight of the world is resting on her shoulders.

“I wanted to apologize for leaving the dinner the way I did last week. I feel really bad about it, especially after everything you did to help. I think all the emotions were getting to me, and it was hard listening to all the stories about my father.” Katrina sincerely expresses to Gemma.

Gemma gestures to the chair next to desk, and Katrina takes a seat. “That’s ok baby, I know how hard it is to lose someone. It can take a minute to process everything going on. How are you doing now?” Gemma asks while lightly rubbing Katrina’s arm that is resting on the corner of her desk.

“Better. I cleaned out the rest of the house, got it listed with a real estate agent.” Katrina replies.

Gemma looks a little surprised. “So I guess that means you’re not planning on sticking around.”

Katrina can hear the disappointment in Gemma’s voice. “I don’t belong in Charming anymore. Never really did. I’ll probably stick around for a little bit to make sure everything goes ok with the showings of the house. Then I’m probably gonna take off.”

Gemma shakes her head at Katrina’s first comment. “You’ve always belonged here, Kat. I know Jax and Opie have missed you. I’ve missed you. You were like the daughter I never had. Don’t ever feel like you don’t belong here. You’re family.” Gemma looks Katrina straight in the eyes as she grips her arm.

Katrina sighs as she looks away. If only Gemma knew the truth about her father, maybe she’d understand why this town carried so many bad memories for her. Not to mention the whole Jax and Tara thing. “How are things going here? The clubhouse is pretty quiet.” Katrina asks trying to change the subject.

Gemma loosens her grip on Katrina’s arm. “Been a busy last few days. The club’s dealing with a Mayan problem. Jax’s junkie whore of an ex-wife, Wendy, just gave birth to his son. We don’t know yet if the baby is going to make it. He was born 10 weeks premature with a tear in his abdomen and the family flaw. I just got back to the office after spending a few hours trying to straighten up Jax’s house from the mess his ex left.” Gemma grabs a cigarette from her pack on the desk and lights it.

Katrina is in shock. She didn’t know Jax had an ex-wife and a newborn baby. “Wow. I had no idea.” She’s a little surprised that he was involved with a different women. She had alway imagined that he’d be married to Tara.

“Yeah, it’s been a little crazy around here.” Gemma sighs. “Jax won’t see his son in the hospital. Something about not wanting to get attached incase he doesn’t make it. Which is bullshit, he just doesn’t want to get his heart broken.” Gemma looks at Katrina with a pleading look in her eyes. “Do you think you could talk to him?” Gemma asks hopeful.

Katrina feels uncomfortable with the request. “I don’t know about that.” She tries to decline gently, shaking her head.

“Please, Kat. He won’t listen to me. You and him were so close. Maybe he’ll listen to you.” Gemma pleads.

Ugg. It was the last thing Katrina wanted to do. Get in the middle of family drama. She really doesn't feel it’s her place to get involved, especially since she’s been gone for so long. She’s not as close to Jax as she used to be. She has been trying to avoid that. But seeing Gemma upset breaks her heart. “Ok. I’ll try to talk to him. I can’t make any guarantees that he’ll listen though.” Katrina reluctantly agrees.

“Thank you, Kat. He’s in the clubhouse.” Gemma looks relieved.

Oh shit, right now? Katrina wasn’t expecting to have to do it so soon. She was hoping to have the night to think about how to approach Jax. Katrina reluctantly gets out of her seat followed by Gemma. Gemma takes Katrina in her arms and gives her a little squeeze. “Thank you baby.” Gemma whispers in her ear.

Katrina gives Gemma a light pat on the back before walking out of the office. As she walks to towards the clubhouse she takes deep breaths of the cool evening air trying to steel her nerves. Mentally preparing herself for all the questions she’s sure to get bombarded with. When she enters the clubhouse, all the memories of her, Jax and Opie running around came flooding back to her. It was where she had her first shot of whiskey on a dare, learned to play poker, rocked out to loud music, and almost had her first kiss. It felt like home.

It was pretty quiet inside the clubhouse, with the exception of music playing at a low volume. She was surprised that there was no one there besides Jax. She spotted him at one of the tables, lost in thought and milking a bottle of whiskey. “So I hear congratulations are in order.” Katrina startles Jax from his drink.

Jax looks up in surprise at the intrusion. “You must have been talking to mom.” He sourly replies.

“Jackson Teller, a father.” Katrina teases him as she nears the table.

“Yeah, for how long.” Jax grumbles.

“Your mom said that you haven’t seen your son yet. Why not?” She asks as she takes a seat at the table across from Jax. She notices the sadness in his eyes at the question.

“Don’t really want my heart broken.” Jax replies, staring at the amber liquid in his glass.

“Yeah, she mentioned the heart defect and stomach issues. Something about a junkie whore. Regardless of that, if it was my son, I would be spending every second I could with him.” Katrina tries to encourage him. “Besides that, he’s got a tough as nails father, so he’s gonna be a little fighter. He’ll pull through.”

Jax smiles a little at that last comment. “So what brings you by? Besides doing mom’s dirty work.”

Katrina knows Jax is trying to change the subject. At least she can tell Gemma she tried. “I came by to apologize to your mom about leaving the dinner early after the funeral.”

Jax nods his head softly. “Yeah, everyone was disappointed you left.” Especially me.

“I thought I could handle hearing the stories about my father, but it got to be a little too much to handle at that moment. Brought up a lot of memories.” Bad memories.

“So where have you been for the last 11 years.” Jax asks pointedly.

And so it begins. Katrina can’t help but wonder if it’s too late to walk out the door. She knew Jax was going to have questions, and she had really hoped to avoid them. She gets up from the table to grab herself a shot glass and a coke from the bar, before returning to her seat. This conversation is going to require an excessive amount of alcohol. She grabs the bottle of whiskey sitting in front of Jax and pours herself a shot. Katrina quickly downs the shot, welcoming the burn of the amber liquid as it travels down her throat. She then takes a sip of the coke to calm the burn. Jax patiently waits for her response, taking a drag from the cigarette in his hand.

“When I left Charming, I bought a bus ticket to Vegas. I got a job working at a casino restaurant as a server, and then I found myself an apartment. I became really good friends with a tattoo artist at a parlor in the casino. He let me apprentice under him and has been teaching my how to tattoo and the ins and outs of the business. One day, I hope to have my own shop.” Katrina decides to leave out the part about Vince.

Jax is surprised. The club has a charter in Vegas that he’s visited numerous times over the years. If only he had known Kat was there too. He might have been able to convince her to come home sooner. At the very least, been able to visit her. He’s missed his best friend. When Katrina left, it hurt more than when Tara left for school. It wasn’t until she left that he realized how wrong he was for not pursuing a relationship with her, despite his fears.

“I have to say, I’m a bit surprised that you and Tara aren’t married with a few little ones running around. And what’s this about a ‘junkie whore’?” Katrina asks. Turn about is fair play.

Jax lets out a soft sigh. “Tara left shortly after you did. She went to the university to become a doctor. Then she went out to Chicago to intern at a hospital. She begged me to go with her. To get out of this ‘cess pool of a town’, but Charming is my home. She was pissed that I prospected into the club with Opie, even though it’s what I always wanted. To follow in my father’s footsteps, and be a part of the club that he helped build. We fought about our futures, more than we got along. We started to grow distant from each other. I wasn’t to heartbroken when she left, like I thought I would be. I was more upset about you leaving than her, even though mom blames her for breaking my heart.” Jax confesses. “Tara just recently returned home and is working at St. Thomas hospital.”

Katrina shakes her head, not surprised about Tara trying to change Jax. She had tried to warn him when they were teenagers, but she had alway felt her comments fell on deaf ears. Some people have to learn the hard way. Katrina pours herself another shot and quickly downs it.

“The junkie whore is my ex-wife, Wendy. She was a club hang-around. Her and I started spending a lot of time together. For me, it was about fighting the loneliness I felt after you left. I never really loved her. We got married a few years ago. She started using drugs, so we grew apart. Separated for awhile. Then she got clean, and did a stint in rehab. We tried to make things work again and got back together. That’s when she got pregnant with my son. Things just didn’t line up for us. I wasn’t happy, so we started growing distant again. I filed for divorce a few months ago. Told her I’d help pay the doctor bills for the pregnancy. Haven’t heard from her in a while. Apparently she started using again even though she was pregnant. Mom went over to our house yesterday and found her passed out on the kitchen floor, bleeding between her legs, with a needle stuck in between her fingers. Mom rushed her to the hospital where they preformed an emergency c-section. My son was born 10 weeks premature with a tear in his abdomen and the family flaw. He only has a 20% chance of survival. I should have kept a closer eye on them, maybe this wouldn't have happened” Jax replies with regret heavy in his voice.

“You can’t blame yourself. If she wanted the drugs bad enough, there’s nothing you could have done to stop her. She would have found a way.” Katrina tries to alleviate some of his guilt.

“That may be so, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I did beat the shit out of the dealer that has been supplying her with the poison. Wendy apologized for what she did and promised that she’s going to get clean, but it’s going to take some time to rebuild that trust. I think she’s more worried about being charged with fetal abuse, then she is about our son. If Gemma has her way, Wendy won’t be a part of our son’s life. I can’t say I disagree with mom on that.” Jax has a defeated look on his face as he pours himself another shot.

Katrina matches Jax’s shot with one of her own. She’s starting to feel a buzz from the alcohol, but she’s not sure if it’s enough to get through the questions that she knows are coming. She isn’t slurring her speech yet, but it is getting a little easier to talk. It almost feels like old times, chatting with her best friend… almost.

“So… Why did you leave town, without so much as a goodbye?” Jax asks while looking directly into Katrina’s eyes. He sees a momentary flash of pain cross Kat’s face.

There it is. The million dollar question. The one she was hoping to avoid. All the pain and bad memories came flashing back to the forefront of her mind. She knew deep down Jax has a right to know, but it didn’t make it any easier. She can’t help but fear that once he knows the truth about her father, he’ll look at her differently. With pity, or guilt for not realizing what was going on and stopping it. She doesn’t want him to feel sorry for her, she fought her own way out and it made her stronger.

Kat pours herself another shot and takes a sip of it before answering him. “One of the reasons I left was to get away from my abusive asshole of a father. Shortly after my mom died, my father started to become distant to me. It was like the sight of me reminded him of what he lost. Almost like he blamed me for her death, even though she died from cancer. He would loose his temper over the smallest things. That lead to him breaking things around the house. If there were dirty dishes left in the sink, he would throw them across the room shattering them against the wall. If I left my backpack on the floor after school, he’d toss it. He started punching holes in the walls, kicking down doors. After while the only thing that seemed to calm him was liquor. As soon as he arrived home from work he’d grab a beer from the fridge, sometimes a couple of them. When the beer started losing its effectiveness he started drinking more hard liquor and getting into drug use. That’s when I started to become his punching bag. If I got in his way he’d hit or kick me. If he felt I was talking back to him he’d slap me across my face. He told me I was worthless, that I was no better than garbage, and that he couldn’t wait until I was no longer his problem.”

Katrina lightly rubbed the small row of scars near wrist with her thumb, slightly hidden by the skeleton torso tattoo on her forearm. She remembers the pain she felt inside from her father’s words and the relief she felt cutting herself with the small knife she kept in her pocket. She never cut herself deep enough for there to be very much blood, just enough for the physical pain of the blade sliding across her skin to distract her from the pain in her heart.

She glances at Jax’s face and sees the shock and anger in his eyes. Before she continues, she grabs a cigarette from the pack on the table, lights it, then takes a deep drag off it to calm her nerves.”That’s why I used to wear long sleeve shirts and jeans in the middle of summer. To hide all the bruises and scratches on my arms and legs. I stayed out as late as possible with you and Opie, hoping that my father would be passed out before I got home. Some times I’d get lucky and he’d be asleep on the couch, other times I was greeted with him calling me a slut or a whore for staying out so late with the guys. I tried to avoid him as much as possible. When it got closer to graduation I started planning my escape. I saved as much money as I could from my after school job, and used it to buy a bus ticket. I just always seemed to be in the way. So when I got old enough, I got out of the way”

"Why didn't you say something? Tell us that was going on.” Jax is heartbroken and angry to find out that his best friend had been suffering and he did nothing to stop it. He remembered the nights when he, Katrina and Opie hung out. Remembered her reluctance to go home when Gemma said it was time to get ready for bed. Or the nights Katrina begged him to hang out for just one more hour, even though it was already getting pretty late.

"What? So that you could 'save me'. I didn't want your pity or for you to feel sorry for me. I didn't need you to fight my battles.” Katrina defends her silence on the matter, a hint of scorn in her voice.

"So you run away instead? Leave behind every one you've ever known. The people that love and care about you." Jax accuses her, the hurt evident in his eyes.

"Seems to me like you were busy loving someone else." Katrina mumbles under her breath.

Jax gives Katrina a confused look. He wasn’t sure he heard her right, but he had a feeling she was referring to his relationship with Tara. “Now that your father is gone, are you planning on sticking around Charming?” Jax asks, hopeful that there may be an opportunity for them to spend more time together. To reconnect.

Katrina sighs before downing the rest of her shot. “I put the house on the market. The stuff I plan on keeping I’m going to get a storage unit for until I find a new place. I’m not planning on going back to Vegas, but I am thinking of heading north. Maybe towards the Dakotas.” She sees the disappointment on Jax’s face.

“I was kind of hoping that you were going to stick around for a bit.” So maybe I could change your mind about leaving. Jax feels crestfallen, his heart is pounding in fear that she’ll leave and he’ll never get a chance to find out if they would be good together. Ever since Katrina returned to Charming, the what if’s and should’ve beens have been plaguing Jax’s mind. He knows now that it was a mistake hooking up with Tara back in high school. It should have been Kat. She always understood him, never made him feel that he had to choose between her or the club. Things might have been so different for both of them.

“I was going to stick around for maybe another week or two, just to make sure there are no problems with showing the house. Incase something major needs to be fixed.” Katrina reassures Jax, although, by the look of his face he’s not.

“So are you seeing anyone?” Jax isn’t sure he really wants to know the answer, but he can’t help himself. He has to know if she’s involved with another man. If there is even the slightest chance he can convince her to stay.

“I was, but it’s over now.” She really doesn’t want to elaborate on her relationship with Vince, and she hopes that answer is enough to appease Jax.

Jax feels a flicker of hope. “You said your dad was one of the reasons why you left, were there any other reasons?” Despite what Kat was going through with her dad treating her like shit, Jax still couldn’t wrap his head around the idea that she would just leave. Without any warning or even a goodbye. They were best friends. He has never felt as close to another person as he did her, and for her to disappear the way she did, crushed him. He has a feeling there is more to the story.

Katrina groans inwardly at the question, but at this point, with the alcohol coursing through her veins she feels there is no point in holding back. She has already confessed one of her darkest secrets by revealing her past with her father, what’s one more secret. It’s not like it can change the past.

“The other reason I left was because it killed me seeing you and Tara together. I’ve had feelings for you since we were kids. I thought as we grew up and got older those feelings would change, but they never did. I was in love with you and it broke my heart seeing you with her.” Katrina confesses feeling extremely exposed. She just laid her heart and soul on the table.

Jax is blown away by her answer. He feels a sense of relief that she shares his feelings. He knew she cared about him when they were younger, but he always felt that she probably cared about him in a sort of brother sister way. To find out that she was in love with him made his heart soar, and gave him even more hope that there is a chance they could be together. If he can convince her to stay and give them a chance. “Why didn’t you ever tell me how you felt?” Jax asks, even though he can guess her answer.

“I was afraid you didn't feel the same way towards me, and it would just come across as jealously towards Tara. That it would change the way you felt around me, the way you acted around me. I was afraid of losing my best friend.” Katrina admits.

Jax feels like a dumbass now. All this time wasted that they could have been together. If they wouldn’t have been so afraid to tell each other. “I also have something to confess. I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. Since we were kids.”

Katrina looks at Jax with surprise on her face. She never expected to hear those words come out of his mouth. Maybe he didn’t mean it. Maybe it was the whiskey talking. "So why didn't you ever tell me how you felt?" Katrina asks, genuinely intrigued.

"Because I was terrified that if or when I fucked things up between us, I would not only lose the woman I loved, but I'd also lose my best friend. It wasn’t until after you left that I realized the mistake I made. And I lost you anyways." Jax admits, his voice filled with sadness and regret.

“If you had feelings for me, then why did you hook up with Tara?” Katrina asks in confusion.

“I had some feelings for Tara, but I don’t think I was ever truly in love with her. She was more of a distraction from my feelings for you. Same with Wendy. Every time I was with them, it was your face I saw.” Jax feels a little weird for revealing that part, but it was the truth. Every woman he’s been with he pictured Kat’s face. Wished it was her, he was with.

“When you were dating Tara, I always felt invisible to you. I felt like you saw me as just one of the guys. You started to become distant to me, so I started spending more time with Opie. It seemed like every time you paid even a little bit of attention to me, Tara would snatch it away. It got to the point, where I started avoiding you, to keep myself from getting hurt.” Katrina confesses.

Jax winces at her words. He hates himself for how he hurt her, even though that was never his intention. In his mind, he was trying to protect her and their friendship, by avoiding what his heart yearned for. “I am so sorry, Kat. I never meant to hurt you. I was just trying to bury my feelings for you because I was afraid. I was afraid you didn’t feel the same way towards me and I’d ruin our friendship. I didn’t want to lose you. You have no idea how much I regret those decisions.” Jax sincerely apologizes. He takes Katrina’s hand into his and looks into her eyes. The years of pain and hurt shine in her eyes and he feels heartbroken that he caused some of that pain.

“Yeah, well, that’s all in the past.” Katrina tries to brush it off. She still feels the sting of all those memories, even if it feels like a lifetime ago.

“What if we gave us a shot?” Jax asks, hopefulness in voice. He has vowed to himself that if the opportunity ever came up to be with Kat, that he wouldn’t hesitate.

Katrina looks at Jax in surprise at his question. She feels butterflies in her stomach at the prospect of finally getting what she had always wanted. To finally be with the man that she has been in love with most of her life, but another part of her feels cautious. “I don’t know, Jax. A lot has changed since we were kids. We’re not the same people we were back then. We’ve both changed. Hell, you’re a father now, and VP of SAMCRO.” Katrina is trying to rationalize in her head why this is a bad idea, even though her heart is pounding with excitement. The alcohol running through her veins isn't helping the situation.

“Come on Kat. We both have feelings for each other. I know the first time I laid eyes on you, when you got back into town, I felt butterflies in my stomach. All of those old feelings I had for you came rushing back. I can’t stop thinking about you, and how much I want you in my life.” Jax pleads with her. He has never wanted something as bad as this. To make a life with Kat by his side.

Katrina hesitates to give Jax an answer. This isn’t something to just rush into, especially with her alcohol hazed brain. She needs some time to think this through. She is supposed to be getting out of Charming, not tying herself down. She can’t help but be concerned about Vince. What if he tries to track her down. As much as she hopes that he’ll take the hint, that she’s not coming back, she can’t help but fear that he won’t be so willing to let her go. Even though she has no doubt that Jax will do everything in his power to protect her, she doesn’t feel it should have to be his problem.

“Jax, it’s not that easy. We both have other things going on in our lives. There’s no guarantee that us being together will even work.” Katrina tries to dissuade him. She doesn’t want to get his hopes up for something that may just be a pipe dream.

“At least we could try. If it doesn’t work then so be it, but I can’t live with the what ifs and could have beens without at least giving it a chance.” Jax tries his best to convince her. If he has to get down on his knees and beg he’s not afraid to do it.

“Maybe we should think this though. Preferably when we’re both not drunk.” A part of Kat wants to say yes….god yes… but she also doesn’t want to agree to something she might regret.

Jax is a little disappointed in Kat’s hesitation, but at least she hasn't said no yet. There may be hope.

Katrina gets up from her chair, her legs feel a bit wobbly. “I should probably head home, it’s getting late.”

“Like hell, you are” Jax replies a little too sharply, while grabbing the keys to her bike off the table. He rises from his seat to face her.

Katrina stares daggers at Jax, a little miffed at his tone. If he thinks he can control her and what she does, he’s got another think coming.

Jax quickly realizes how that came across. “Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to come out that way. It’s just, we’ve both been drinking…a lot. You’ve pretty much matched me shot for shot. I wouldn’t feel safe getting on my bike right now, and I don’t think it’d be a good idea for you to either. I’d hate to wake up in the morning, and find out that you wrapped your bike around a tree or something. You should probably crash here tonight.” Jax tries to explain.

Katrina is a little relieved at Jax explanation. It makes sense, although she’s not sure its a great idea to spend the night at the club house.

Jax approaches Kat, the draw of being near her to great to deny. He gently places his hand on her check, the memory of the bruise around her eye flashes across his mind. His thumb lightly caresses her check bone, but when there is no flinch from her, he is relieved that the wound has healed. He still feels that flash of anger that anyone would dare to raise a hand to her. He slowly lowers his lips to hers, aching to feel their softness against his. He has longed to kiss her for as long as he can remember.

Katrina is a little nervous at Jax’s closeness, but her body is quick to respond despite the warnings in her mind. When she feels Jax’s lips against hers an excitement courses through her veins. The feel of his velvety lips against hers was almost as intoxicating as the whiskey they have been drinking. Jax’s hands start slowly sliding down Katrina’s neck then around to her back, where he gently coaxes her into an embrace. Her body melds to his like it was made for it.

As the kiss deepens, warning bells go off in Katrina’s head. Her rational mind warns her that she should stop this from going any further, but years of pent up longing urge her to keep going. Katrina is swept up in the smells of leather, smoke and light cologne, with a hint of vanilla that seemed uniquely Jax. Before she realizes what is happening, she feels Jax’s hands lightly caress the sides of her breasts before traveling down her waist to rest on her hips. He draws her hips in closer to his and she can feel the evidence of his arousal. His breathing gets heavier, and Katrina feels the butterflies in her stomach.

Even though in her mind she knew this was a bad idea, Jax was like a drug, and she was jonesing for a hit. There was a passion between her and Jax that she had never felt with Vince. Maybe it was because it had been building since their youth. The feelings they had been holding back finally able to be explored. Katrina gives as much as she takes, returning Jax’s kiss with a fever of her own. She lightly rubs the tip of her tongue on Jax’s lips until he grants her access to his mouth. She hears his groan as he starts grinding his erection into her stomach. Jax starts guiding her to his dorm room without breaking the kiss. By the time they enter the room, they are both breathing heavily. Jax kicks the door shut with his foot, not wanting to break contact with Kat.

Katrina reaches for Jax’s belt intent on releasing it as she starts to kneel down in front of him. Jax grabs her arms and lifts her back up. “As much as I’d love to see your beautiful face going down on me, I want tonight to be all about you. I want to show you how strong my feelings are for you.” Jax expresses to her.

This is a new experience for Katrina, and she can’t help but feel a little excited about it. When she was with Vince, it was all about what he wanted and how he wanted it. Often times it seemed their lovemaking was very one sided, with her left feeling unsatisfied. Like she was just a toy for his pleasure.

Jax cups Katrina’s face and gives her another soul searing kiss. She can’t get enough of the taste and feel of his lips on hers. His hands wander down to the hem of her shirt and he gently lifts it up. They break the kiss long enough to get the shirt over her head. Jax then goes after Katrina’s belt, pulling it loose from its buckle, then he quickly releases the button on her dark jeans. He slowly slides her jeans down her legs then ghosts his fingers over her panty clad pussy. He smiles when he hears her sharp intake of breath. Katrina toes off her boots then slides the jeans off the rest of the way.

Jax takes a step back to take in Kat’s beauty while he kicks off his own shoes. Her black bra and panties compliment her tanned skin. He takes off his kutte and drapes it over the back of a nearby chair. The question of whether Katrina has more ink finally being answered. He has seen the tattoos on her arms, but now he’s seeing a large dreamcatcher on one of her sides and a colorful feather on the other. There is a black crow with a purple background on her collarbone and an angry wolf surrounded by roses on her thigh. He can’t help but admire the art adorning her body and is surprised that he finds himself getting even more aroused seeing it.

Jax guides Katrina to the bed where she sits on the edge and watches as he removes his pants and white t-shirt. He tosses them onto the growing pile of clothes on the floor. Jax approaches her in just his boxers not bothering to hide the fact that his cock is straining against the material. He tilts her face up for a quick kiss before his lips and tongue start wandering down her neck. He can’t help himself as he leaves a small hickey just above her collarbone. Jax caresses her breasts over the fabric of her bra, before reaching around to unclasp it and watching in awe as her perfect breasts are exposed. He takes one nipple into his mouth sucking and using his tongue to tease it into a peak, while he lightly caresses the other bud. His gently pinches and rolls her exposed nipple with his calloused fingers until it hardens and becomes sensitive. He then laves the other nipple with his tongue, sucking until he feels Kat squirm. Kat feels a tingling sensation travel from her stomach to her core. She can feel wetness gathering in her panties.

Jax lightly pushes on Katrina’s shoulders, encouraging her to lay back on the bed. Settling between her thighs he continues to lavish her body with attention, kissing and licking his way down to her panties. He starts rubbing her clit lightly through her underwear, just enough to cause her to squirm towards his hand. Her breathing becomes erratic, hitching every time his fingers touches the right spot. He can sense a bit of frustration from her at his teasing, causing his lips to curl into a smirk. Finally Jax runs his fingers along the top edge of her panties, slowly pulling them down her thighs, and leaving a trail of kisses and licks in their wake.

That first flick of Jax’s tongue on Katrina’s clit causes an explosion of sensations coursing through her body. She can’t remember the last time someone went down on her, making this time feel like the first time. Jax’s warm breath, and the feel of his whiskers rubbing on her most sensitive area threatening to send her over the edge. Jax can sense her body tensing up, like a coil ready to snap, so he starts kissing the inside of her thighs to give her a chance calm. Once her breathing returns to some semblance of normal he focuses his attention back on her core. The light ghosting of his tongue in her folds and around that little bundle of nerves feels like heaven to Kat. It doesn’t last long though. Jax quickly starts licking and sucking her bud like a man starved for water.

“God baby, you taste like honey to me, and I can’t get enough.” Jax praises her between breaths, as he laps up her juices.

It takes everything inside of Kat not to lose control. She runs her fingers through Jax’s hair as he continues his assault on her clit. His tongue then prodding her slit, going directly to the source of her sweetness. Katrina’s moans increase, and Jax’s name becomes a silent prayer. She then feels his finger teasing at her entrance. Lightly caressing through her folds, gathering moisture before sliding the slender digit inside her. He pumps his finger in and out, surprised at how tight she is. The feeling of her walls clenching on his finger sending a fresh surge of arousal straight to his already straining cock. He could tell the tip of it was already leaking pre-cum. Jax adds another finger inside her to help prepare her for what’s to come. He twists his fingers around and starts doing a come hither motion. Jax quickly finds that little bundle of nerves inside her that will probably be her undoing. He can feel her clench around his fingers and her thighs start to squeeze. Kat starts pulling his hair as he continues licking her clit and rubbing that hidden gem inside her. He can tell Kat is getting close to her release by her ragged breathing and the tightening of her muscles.

“Fuck, Jax, don’t stop.” Katrina manages between shuddering breaths. She can feel the knots in her stomach unraveling. Her impending orgasm right on the cusp of sending her over the edge. Her moans get louder the closer she gets.

“It’s ok baby, you can let go.” Jax encourages her. “Cum for me. Give me some more of that sweet nectar.”

That is her undoing. Jax’s husky voice beckoning her to release the flood gates. Wave after wave of intense pleasure washes over her. Her vision starts to fade and she is seeing stars. Her body shudders and her juices dribble straight into Jax’s waiting mouth. Jax laps every bit of it up as he slows the movement of his fingers. He tries to ease her down from her climax before removing his fingers.

When Kat’s breathing returns to normal she looks down at Jax’s smiling face. The evidence of her release glistening on he mustache and beard. Jax gently withdraws his fingers from inside her pussy, and she instantly feels a void. “I need you inside me.” There is a hunger in her eyes as Kat pleads to Jax. She wants…no needs, more.

Jax stands up and removes his boxers, finally unleashing the beast. Katrina is a little taken back by the size of his cock. She had no idea he was packing that much heat. Explains the loose fitting jeans. She feels a rush of excitement, and maybe a little bit of fear that it’s going to hurt. Jax sees her concern and reminds himself to take it slow, give her some time to adjust. She is nothing like the crow-eaters he’s fucked, girls that have taken so many dicks it a wonder they can feel anything.

“Do you have a condom?” Katrina timidly asks, suddenly nervous. Jax has already produced one son, she doesn’t want to take any chances that tonights actions result in another.

“Yeah, I do.” Jax can’t help but feel a little bummed about not being able to experience her pussy bareback, but he understands. He reaches into the nightstand drawer and pulls out a little foil package. Katrina watches in fascination as he tears it open with his teeth and pulls out the rubber. Jax strokes his straining cock a couple times then rolls the condom down from the tip to the base.

Katrina scoots up the bed giving Jax room to join her. He settles between her legs and pulls her face in for another passionate kiss. He then guides his cock to her core rubbing the head along her folds, gathering her wetness to help ease his passage. He lines himself up and slowly pushes his cock into her wet slit, going an inch at a time. He slowly rocks his hips back and forth, gaining an inch each time he pushes forward. When he finally bottoms out, he pauses for a moment, giving Kat time to adjust to his girth. When Jax stops, Katrina releases the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. She has never felt this full before. There is a slight burning from the stretch in her pussy, as well as an intense pleasure at the fullness.

“Relax your muscles, baby. It’ll help.” Jax whispers in her ear, concern in his tone.

After a few calming breaths, Kat feels ready for him to start moving again. She tilts her pelvis towards him, and then gives him a slight nod. Jax sets a slow pace at the beginning. The feeling of her tight, constricting walls threatening to send him over the edge. He feels like a damn teenager, ready to blow his load after only a few quick pumps. It takes every ounce of his control to prevent that from happening.

“Fuck, baby, you’re so tight.” Jax whispers almost reverently. He’s trying to stay in control, but he feels it slipping fast as he picks up the pace. Thrusting in and out, fast and faster. His balls crashing against her ass, as her walls clench around him. The tip of his cock brushing against her cervix each time he bottoms out.

Katrina feels the knot in her stomach growing. Every time Jax trusts into her pussy a tingle travels down her spine and straight into her core. She can feel her climax quickly approaching. She wraps her arms around his chest, her nails digging into his back. The moans coming from her mouth getting louder and louder each time his cock brushes against her sweet spot.

Jax can feel her tightening around him, and he knows he’s not going to be able to last much longer. “It’s ok, baby. Cum for me. Cum on my cock.” Jax reaches down to her clit, rubbing circles over it with his thumb.

Katrina is plunging over the edge as another intense orgasm rips through her body. Every nerve ending in her body is tingling as her juices coat Jax’s dick and balls. She clings to Jax’s body as she rides out the high. Jax follows her after a few more thrusts, a wave of euphoria washing over his body as his cock releases rope after rope of warm cum. Jax collapses next to her on the bed, then he draws her into his embrace. His twitching cock still nestled in her depths. They both lay there for a moment trying to catch their breath.

“That was amazing.” Jax says in awe, his breathing still labored. His fantasies of her never even coming close to the bliss he just experienced.

Katrina nods her agreement, exhaustion claiming her body. She nestles into Jax’s warmth as he squeezes her against him. Jax kisses the top of her head, as a feeling of contentment washes over him. He doesn’t want this night to end.

After a few minutes the twitching of Jax’s cock subsides and it begins to soften. He wraps his hand around the base of it to hold the condom in place as he withdraws it from Kat’s warm depths. Even as sleep starts to claim Kat, she can’t help the groan that escapes her mouth at the loss of the fullness in her pussy. Jax chuckles a little at the pout now gracing her face. He disposes of the condom in the trash, before heading into the bathroom to clean up. Once he is done cleaning himself, he returns to the bed with a warm washcloth to gently clean Kat. She flinches a little when he wipes around her sensitive bud. He has no doubt that she’s going to be a little sore tomorrow. When he finishes with the washcloth, he tosses it into a nearby laundry basket, before turning off the light. He climbs back into the bed, pulling the covers over them. Katrina seeks out his warmth again, resting her head on his chest as his arm wraps around her back drawing her close. Sleep quickly claims both of them.

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Tagging: @momc95  @jerseynurse82

[bondsmagii]

Chris Chan has got to be one of the most documented people in the internet. I can't imagine having almost every detail of my life for the whole world to see even though I haven't done horrible things like Chris has

god I know right. the idea of everything being that documented... it's honestly eerie as hell. no matter what Chris Chan does or tries, it's all being watched and documented and analysed and man. to think she could have avoided all this if she had just unplugged the internet in like, 2007.

right now I'm still in the early stages, like 17 videos in or so. at the moment I just feel desperately sorry for her. I'm not sure what fucked up shit she might do going forward, and of course I know about the incest charges which is yikes all on its own, but at the moment I can't help but feel desperately sorry for her. like, it's funny in a car crash way, but it's also really not funny at all. right now she's just this autistic young adult living with two abusive parents, who's being harassed by dozens of people online. because of her autism she's incapable of being able to identify trolls until it's far too late, and then more trolls befriend her and she falls for the exact same tricks again because she's inherently too trusting and can't tell when people are being sarcastic or when they're actually ridiculing her. at the moment her closest friend is a girl named Kacey, who's trying to give Chris "advice" to better her life, and on the surface it's all solid advice -- get a job, exercise more, eat healthier, etc -- but it's all designed to set Chris up for more ridicule, and no matter what progress Chris reports, Kacey twists it and uses it to ridicule her and trash her confidence. earlier on I listened to a phone call recording where Chris's mother was caught berating Chris and emotionally manipulating her in the background, and when Chris got back on the line to Kacey, Kacey took Chris's mother's side and started also berating Chris for the same thing. it's honestly so fucked up -- like underneath all the inherent hilarity that comes from a situation so fucking weird, it's impossible to ignore the fact that this is an account of the long-term emotional abuse of a deeply vulnerable adult. whatever Chris might have done in the future, I firmly believe that there's a strong case to be made for the fact she was driven to this point. the constant trolling and the fact that she cannot trust anybody in her life to be who they say they are has created a deep rift between Chris and reality, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's been driven to honest to god clinical psychosis because of all the stress and torment.

if it had just been brief -- a spate of the earlier trolling at the beginning, where they teased her a bit about Sonichu and convinced her she was in a chat with Billy Mays or whatever, that would have been fine. everyone was getting trolled like that back in the day. but at some point it veered away from trolling and went into literal torture. like, I'm going to go under the cut here because this got suddenly serious on an ask that's pretty casual (sorry about that), but it's been bothering me since I saw it and I have to mention it now. sincere warning for anyone reading my Chris Chan documentary chronicles just for the lighter parts, because in my mind what I'm about to discuss is literal, actual torture of a disabled person.

the other day I watched the video where the trolls hacked into Chris's PlayStation account, which had a lot of games and progress she was obviously proud of. being autistic, she's obviously much more attached than these trolls can appreciate -- video games are clearly one of her special interests, and she understandably gets very distressed when the trolls threaten to sell the account. there's a whole bunch of convoluted stuff that happens, but the main event is that they use the leverage of the account to get Chris into doing shit to "win" it back. they end up making her cut her Sonichu medallion (a comfort item that she wears constantly) into four pieces, and stick the pieces up her ass. on video.

the video isn't shown on YouTube, obviously, but the audio is. in it, the trolls can be heard urging her on, insisting she stick it properly up there ("until I can't see it anymore", is how one of them put it). also captured on the audio is Chris, making sounds of pain and also apparently crying, which she is then ridiculed for.

I mean. I was genuinely disturbed by this, as I'm sure most people with even a smidgen of a conscience would be. this is sexual abuse. this is torture. this is not trolling, this is not doing something "for the lulz". this is a small group of genuine psychopaths banding together long after the regular trolling is done, to torture a person who is incapable of defending herself and who has no responsible adult in her life to protect her from people like this. this shit, when compared to legitimate harmless trolling like Liquid Chris, who winds Chris up but never actively harms her (at least to what I've seen so far) and is so ridiculous that everybody can see through it (even Chris herself, who knows that Liquid Chris is a faker and isn't being deceived by Liquid Chris in any way), is night and day. Liquid Chris is genuine trolling, the kind that aims to get you mad and then goes no further. what these other people are doing is abuse and torture. they're clearly a core group of individuals who realised they had an easy target and decided to take advantage of it, and they're all honest to god sociopaths. they should face charges for this shit.

I apologise for getting serious on this post, but I need to be honest here. as much as I'm enjoying the drama and the more ridiculous and admittedly hilarious bits of this story, between all the tamer pieces of legitimate trolling is a serious case of ableism. vulnerable adults like Chris are abused like this every day, and the fact that this can be so well-documented online and still nobody did anything to help her is absolutely astounding. because Chris is "cringe", everybody seemed to collectively decide that she deserved this treatment, when really at the end of the day she began as an autistic teenager who was super passionate about her OC and wanted to upload comics about him online. like. that was her only crime, and it ended like this.

just... god damn.

[teawaffles]

There’s No Business Like Show Business: Chapter 6

As Moran and the others each supported the players in their own way, Bond, Maya and the company ran the length and breadth of London, staging scenes of their play as they went.

At Westminster Bridge, Alice, played by Maya, ran a Caucus race with the Dodo and his friends. At Bloomsbury, she kicked Bill the Lizard out of the chimney. At Southwark, the Caterpillar taught her how to grow and shrink her body at will. At Knightsbridge, she met the Duchess and her household, and asked the Cheshire cat for directions. At Marylebone Road, she joined a mad tea-party where the time had stopped at six o’clock, then played croquet with the Queen of Hearts in front of Buckingham Palace. After that, she listened to the Gryphon and the Mock Turtle’s exchanges at Billingsgate—— and then, near the Old Bailey, she gave her testimony at the Knave’s trial.

They played a host of strange and fascinating characters, across a medley of scenes and a variety of places. Tonight, the whole of London had become a wonderland of their very own making.

The performance went well, just as they had practiced, and the response was more than satisfactory. The audience only expanded as the play progressed, and the sounds of the cheers and applause growing louder made their hearts leap for joy.

However, on the other hand, a suffocating anxiety had begun to build up within Maya.

The final act was approaching.

A story about a dream, which in itself was like a dream, was nearing its end.

The scene of the trial. The Queen of Hearts jabbed a finger at Alice, who had taken the witness stand, and screeched an order.

“Who cares for you? You’re nothing but a pack of cards!” Maya — Alice — said.

Immediately after she’d said that, countless playing cards were sent fluttering in the air. They reflected the light from the street lamps, sparkling beautifully like snowflakes as they settled onto the stage.

Blackout. Dark curtains were drawn across the stage, such that the audience could not see what was happening on it.

The crowd waited in silence for the next location to be announced, but meanwhile, in the wings, the players were growing agitated.

“……What? The actress playing Alice’s sister hasn’t arrived yet?”

Hearing the report from the crew in charge of carriage transport, Bond was stunned.

“By sheer bad luck, her carriage is stuck in a jam……”

“I see…… This is bad.”

They had considered the possibility that the crowds may hinder their movements across the city. But fortune had favoured them thus far — the fact that it had went so smoothly till now had made them careless.

“What should we do? Of all times, it had to be at such an important scene…”

“——I’ll do it.”

A hush fell over the players. Bond’s snap decision had astonished everyone.

However, the man himself proceeded to put on a wig, and began to pull on his costume without hesitation. Of course, he made sure not to resemble the former actress Irene Adler. Thinking of the comicality of dressing as a woman on top of his current dress as a man, he stifled a giggle.

Having Bond stand in for an actor was one plan they had prepared in case of emergencies. But as he wanted to let the company showcase their own talent, he saved it as a last resort for situations when they were absolutely trapped.

Seeing his resolve, the company members shook off their doubts, and steeled their hearts to see the last scene to the end.

“Maya, are you ready?”

“……Y-Yes.”

Something seemed to be on her mind.

“Are you sure you’re alright? You’re able to concentrate?”

“Yeah. I’m okay.”

Having confirmed that Maya had switched her full attention to her role, the two of them ascended the stage.

It had only been twenty seconds after the problem was found. The blackout curtains opened, and from a dream, the story returned to reality.

As Alice, played by Maya, lay on his lap, Bond slowly shook her shoulder.

“Wake up, Alice!”

Then Alice rubbed her eyes and sat up.

Bond continued.

“Why, what a long sleep you’ve had!”

Although it had been a sudden substitution, as a former professional, he was right in his element. Watching from the wings, the company members gasped.

“Oh, I’ve had such a curious dream!” said Alice.

Then, buzzing with excitement, she told her sister all about the adventures she had in her dream.

When the story ended, Alice’s sister patted her head fondly.

“It was a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it's getting late.”

Nodding, Alice got on her feet and prepared to dash off the stage. Now Alice would leave the scene, and Maya’s part would end—— or at least, that had been the plan.

Just before she left the stage, Alice — Maya — suddenly stopped.

“……Maya?”

Her colleagues murmured in hushed tones at the strange sight unfolding before them.

On stage, Bond had been inwardly shaken by her act, but kept up a smiling face as Alice’s older sister.

Maya remained where she was, silent and motionless. As the actors on stage stood at a standstill, and the scene began to diverge from the original story, the audience also began to grow restless.

Then, Alice turned to face her sister.

“I had a dream.”

“………?”

An unexpected ad lib. Hearing Alice veer off from the script, Bond’s heart began to thump loudly in his chest. But Maya continued to speak in the role of Alice.

“In my dream, there were many strange animals and people, and I kept getting pushed around. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise, and they all said selfish things. I journeyed through all that. I didn’t understand any of it until the end…… But it was a wonderful and jolly dream to have.”

Then, Alice looked straight into her sister’s eyes.

“Do you think, I’d be able to dream it again?”

She tilted her head to the side in a cute manner.

To the audience, these were just the gestures of a little girl; But Bond understood the true meaning behind those words, and his heart ached.

After the players left the stage, and the curtains fell, would they ever be able to step into the limelight like this again? Even though their performance tonight was undoubtedly a success, there was no way they would be able to use this extraordinary technique again and again. Moreover, Bond’s support would end here as well.

After this dreamlike night ended, what awaited them was their cruel reality, of life amidst the discrimination and prejudice this society held for the poor.

“When I grow up, will I never be able to dream like this again?”

Alice — Maya — rocked on her heels and toes as she asked this question. To the unknowing audience, this also seemed like nothing more than the actions of an innocent child.

While playing the role of Alice splendidly, Maya was also appealing to Bond.

Could we ever become a distinguished theatre company, and be recognised by the wider world?

They had poured their heart and soul into that cry, and Bond had received it. While staying in character as Alice’s sister, just as Maya did, he wore a sincere expression as he replied.

“Think about it for yourself, and act accordingly.”

His voice was gentle, yet stern.

“Whether you’ll be able to dream like this from now on: that’s for you to think about. Decide on your own. By no means should you constrain yourself by thinking that adults should act like adults.”

Bond had taken Moran’s words and altered them slightly. They now took on a different meaning, but that was alright. Just like how one could interpret an inescapable tragedy as a happy ending, Bond had also given a new meaning to Moran’s words.

The poor should live their lives as befits their station—— to Maya, who’d ridiculed her own way of life as an actress, Bond contended that being born into poverty was no reason to give up on your dreams.

However, even after hearing her sister’s words, Alice was still unconvinced.

She pouted. “But when I grow up, there will also be difficult things waiting for me.”

Even if one were to dream, reality would not allow them to happen. Having experienced this for herself many times over, Maya launched her rebuttal.

To that, Alice’s older sister walked up to her, and gently placed a hand on her cheek.

“Alice, I was so moved by your story. If you just close your eyes…… See, there’s the White Rabbit. And there’s the drowning Mouse. Over there’s the Queen of Hearts, screeching away, and the Cheshire cat, as well as the Duchess.”

Her sister closed her eyes and pointed, and Alice followed her movements with her eyes.

At last, she pointed at the audience: the tremendous crowds, who had been watching their performance with fervour.

“………!”

That very instant, Maya had forgotten about Alice. Enchanted by the crowds, it was this young woman whom Bond spoke to.

“Alice, your story was able to add such wonderful colours to my world. Your dreams, have the power to shape reality.”

Her dreams could change the real world.

Bond’s words pierced straight through her heart.

“If you meet difficult obstacles, remember this sight: for it was created from your dream.”

Then, for one final time, Bond showed Alice the audience watching the stage.

It didn’t matter where you stood in life. Everyone had the right to live their dreams.

Saying his lines in the role of Alice’s sister, Bond conveyed these thoughts to the players.

The crowds watched their improvisation with rapt attention, so much so they even forgot to blink. It seemed this audience, coming from all walks of life, had resonated with their exchange.

Once again, the message exchanged beneath this impromptu performance enveloped the stage and the surrounding crowds in a quiet stillness.

Having understood her sister’s words, a smile rose on Alice’s face.

“——Thank you. Well then, I’ll be off to tea.”

With light steps, she skipped off the stage.

With a peaceful smile, Bond watched her figure disappear, and slowly, the curtains were lowered onto the stage.

Immediately after, a sea of applause thundered like a storm. Joyous whistles and ovations poured forth from the crowds, their deafening cheers rocking the very cobblestone streets.

Then the curtain rose once again for the curtain call, with all the actors lining up on stage and giving a bow. The applause grew even louder.

As the audience showered them with praise, the chairwoman, Maya, shouted over the cheers.

“With that, our play has come to an end. To everyone who has stayed with us all this way — thank you very much!”

She was so moved that she’d forgotten to put on her theatrical tone from the beginning of the play — this was her honest, heartfelt gratitude.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you! Until the day we meet again, goodbye!”

With those closing words, the players bowed in unison once more, and the performance came to an end.

Just as the curtains fell, from the roof of a faraway building, Bond caught sight of Moran giving him a thumbs-up. To his senior, who had been watching over them all this time, Bond responded with a contented smile.

Just like this, the play that had rocked the capital of the Empire for one night only, drew to a close.

Translator’s notes

A rough map of the play’s route across London

At the start of this chapter, the sequence of events described actually follows the exact storyline of Alice in Wonderland. From Chapter 5, we also know that they began at Piccadilly Circus and moved on to Trafalgar Square — again, the respective scenes they acted out are the first two chapters of Alice in Wonderland. I’ve traced their rough route here:

Also, if you recall that in Chapter 5, Part 2, Fred tells the policemen that the next venue is the British Museum, when they were really going to Knightsbridge. From the map, the company had probably just left Southwark at this time — you can see that he really threw them for a loop.

[shoichee]

omg cngrts on 100!!!! <3 u deserve it!!!! hii how are you??? ahaha hows genshin going for you?? also for ur milstone event, can i request kise ryota with prompt 19 or 20, i cant decide between the two, so ill leaave it to you!! <3 i hope youre doing well 💖💖💖💖

dhfiuseyghieaugh tysm ily reeeeee <33 been playing genshin nonstop to keep my sanity from my uni papers SEND HELP

Kise x Reader

19. “I think I’m in love with you, and that scares the crap out of me”

Word Count: 2851

prompt list here

Note: we need more manga Kise, i repeat, we need more asshole Kise

»»—————　☼　—————««

How could this happen? How could he, the veteran of receiving female attention, be so careless?

He only saw you as an intrigue. A challenge. Perhaps a friend at the very most.

How did this happen?

Kise slightly grits his teeth before he quickly exhales, bringing his hand to rub out the tension in his neck. His mood had not gone unnoticed by his fans around him.

Ah, shit.

“Ryōta!” one called out, her tone dripped in saccharine. “What’s wrong?”

“Have you been pushing yourself lately?” another one chimes in.

“I can come with you to the infirmary… surely you’d have trouble!—”

“Move—I asked first!”

“H-hey! Quit being so snappy—!”

“Stop.”

He instinctively sends a glare at the mob out of irritation but then stops himself to quickly etch a sweet smile of his own for them. No matter how much he hears these words of concern, he hears nothing but empty wind. Hanging around girls was supposed to be a fun pastime. A challenge. Nowadays, his mind doesn’t bother to register any of their names, their faces. All their voices that come out of their mouth have become constantly replayed recaps; their chatters have become equivalent to those of flocking pigeons. “Don’t worry, everyone! Basketball practice has just been tough, is all. You’re all so kind to worry for my health, though! Thank you!”

Squeals rang throughout the courtyard as they hung onto his every word. Predictable.

As he firmly separates himself away from the group and leaves off with a cheerful facade, he quickly turns around to make a break with a brisk walk. Where to, exactly? He doesn’t know, but anywhere that didn’t have people around would be godsend.

His mind always returns back to you. You, who he thought would be the cure to his social life, just as Aomine and Kuroko were to his life of sports. You, who respected his personal space. You, whom he had meaningful conversations with during breaks sometimes. You, who he felt like he can drop his facades around recently and just entirely be himself.

As cruel as it was, he once challenged himself to make you fall for him. A sick, twisted game that would cure his boredom and give him something to look forward to other than practice. Something to keep him on his toes throughout the beginning of high school. You, who wasn’t honestly that special, other than the fact you treated him differently, unlike other people. Hell, even the adults are wrapped around his finger. What’s not making you fall head over heels for him? His curiosity continues to grow exponentially the more he spends time with you; never once did it get satiated.

Was it his ego that you bruised up? Was it his competitiveness kicking in at the thought of experiencing a type of “defeat?” Was it the unsaid uncertainty in his heart that is currently panicking of the thought of entering a whole new territory with new emotions and thoughts?

There is nothing special about you. You were only a challenge. There is nothing special about you. Once he figures you out, your game, you would just be like everyone els—

“Ow!”

“Ah, sorry! My bad, my bad! Are you alright? I’ve been a tad dizzy lately, here let me help you, oh…” As he rambles in a slight fluster, he immediately jumps back into his chivalrous side, immediately clasping a hand to help them up. Expecting to see another faceless individual, his eyes widened when his mind registered a pair of eyes staring inquisitively at him. Your eyes.

“Are you the same Ryōta I know?” you stifle a laugh. “Since when were you so quick to ever help me out without complaining my ear off?” When they say his first name, it has always sounded off, sickening even. He still could not comprehend why he, despite hating the sound of his first name rolling off of people’s tongues, insisted on you using his first name. Strangely, whenever you call him out so sincerely, he couldn’t help but always jerk back in genuine surprise at how… nice it felt.

He only let you use his first name to force a sense of closeness. This was only to accelerate the forming of a bond between the two of you. Nothing more, nothing less. Nothing more than a challenge. Nothing more than an asset to accomplish it.

But every time he has had these thoughts lately, his heart spiked with painful palpitations.

How did this happen?

His swirling thoughts halt when he feels your hand against his forehead. “You said you were dizzy earlier, right?” you said worriedly. “You don’t seem sick… have you been eating properly?”

You were tippy-toeing to try to reach his height, one hand grasping his shoulder for support while the other was feeling his temperature. And oh, you were so close.

This was a game you were playing, too, right? You must’ve known this entanglement was all just a challenge and you wanted to play along for the fun of it, right? But these thoughts quickly cease as you separate yourself from him to give him the usual physical distance.

What sort of game were you playing? Tug-of-war? Cat-and-mouse chase? Two can play at that game.

“Hey…” he looms over your figure, leaning closer to your face. “Maybe you’re the one making me dizzy, after all?” His sharp eyes search for any subtle signs you give off: your facial expressions, body language, your reactions.

“What?” Your eyes widen at his abrupt advance, worried eyes quickly turning into one of confusion as you scan Kise’s face for any other subtle signs of his own.

There was no way you could have good intentions. There was no way you could have genuine concern for him. There was no way you would be hanging around with him, unless you had some ulterior motives of your own.

After all, he chose to get to know you for the most selfish reason. How could he ever bring himself to tell you that this precarious friendship you two shared was built on the premise of deceit on his end?

“Sorry,” he chuckles. “Just wanted to see your reaction.” And with that, he ruffles your hair playfully before he continues to walk to his intended destination of the school infirmary.

“You’re definitely sick!” you call out, rushing to catch up to him. “You’re acting really strange!...” Your voice—he wishes he could tune it out just as easily as the rest, but you were right… he was acting strange. He couldn’t believe he can distinguish your features from amidst a sea of people. Your voice amidst a clutter of noises. Your warmth amidst all the sunlight, clothing, and body heat he’s ever felt. The same warmth encapsulating his own hand.

What sort of game were you playing?

“Here! Follow me,” you said, tugging his hand forward as you take the initiative to lead him. “If you’re sick, you shouldn’t be walking around alone. What if you collapse?”

What sort of game were you playing?... Was having the most scrunched-up brows and worried eyes part of the rules? He tightens his lips into a thin line at the sensation of his heartbeats again.

As you tug along his hand and lead him down the hallway, his mind drifts to the moments you two have shared for the past few weeks. When you bumped into him and succinctly apologized before excusing yourself… when he approached you constantly every chance he got during breaks to figure you out… when he saw you efficiently defending yourself against his dedicated fans… when you first approached him after he exited the lockers to congratulate him on a home game win before you turned to Kasamatsu to talk of club affairs with the council… when he first heard you actively cheering his name on the stands… when you inopportunely saw him weeping about Kaijo’s loss at the Winter Cup and successfully comforted him…

With each progression in his thoughts, his hand suddenly feels warmer against yours, his heart rate thumping faster, his eyes growing more out of focus as he gazes at your back, and then your intertwined hands. Maybe he really is sick.

“Are you alright?” you asked, turning to face him as you both keep walking. “We’re just about here.”

He says nothing as he keeps his face straight ahead. He doesn't trust himself to keep it together after that slipup with his fans; messing up in front of you would be certainly disastrous.

“Is there anyone here?” you softly called out, tentatively sliding the doors open. There was no one, but they were probably on a lunch break before coming back soon. He hears you sigh before you tug him in completely into the room. “Sit here, and I’ll look for some ice packs, at least… I don’t know if that would work, though…”

As you let go of his hand to try to rummage through the drawers, his hand instinctively holds you tighter.

Shit.

“Ryōta?...” you said. “Do you wanna lay down instead, I’ll look for something for you to—”

“... (y/n)-cchi, stay here.”

Shit. Kasamatsu was right: he needs to learn how to shut his godamn mouth.

“Ryōta,” you shyly mumble. “That was the first time you addressed me with -cchi at the end. Don’t you only use it with your old teammates?”

Shit… shit, shit, shit.

He can’t slip up, and he’s fucking up three times in a row? He’s losing his edge. There’s no way he’ll lose now… not when he’s come so far.

“... Do you know what you’re doing?” he exhales, dropping your hand to run his hands through his locks. “You’re driving me insane…”

“Me?”

“What games are you playing here, I swear to god—there’s no reason for you to care this much for me like this—”

“I do have a reason,” you replied, averting your eyes to feign looking for those ice packs. There you go again, acting coy… that’s what he chants to himself anyways.

“Wha?~ You’re keeping secrets from your friend, already?” he coos, trying to gain back the momentum. Yes, that’s right…you are only considered a friend. “It’s kind of cruel to bring it up but then decide to not divulge them, y’know?”

“It doesn’t take much human decency to worry and care for another,” you smile. “Even more so for a friend.”

You finally turn away to continue hunting for anything useful in the cabinets, while Kise silently watches you from his chair. Silence settles between the two of you.

“Y’know… I’ve been thinking,” you start, handing him a glass of water, a wet towel, and ice packs. “I don’t want for us… to be friends anymore.”

It took his entire self control to not jump from his chair to grab you and interrogate you into oblivion. But why? Did you realize his true intentions? Did you hate his guts after all? Did you accomplish your own objectives and deem this friendship no longer useful?

Why does he even care about any of this?

“You’re… joking, right?”

He really expected for you to burst into laughter and call it a prank or tease him about his unfiltered reaction at your words, but your eyes have now become determined and very serious.

You weren’t joking.

“Ryōta, I’ll just get this out of the way first things first, but I know that you only see me as some type of trophy to go after… for a while now.”

How did this happen?

“It’s just the way you look at me sometimes seems off,” you said. “It’s not obvious to others, but we’ve spent almost every day with each other for a while, so I’ve kinda noticed… Honestly, that only solidified my initial impressions of you being a complete asshole.”

Why does his heart feel like it’s going to shatter?

“But…” you continued. “Recently, you were just… different. You were still stupid, sure. But you’ve laughed so much more and supported me when I needed it most. I’ve never laughed this hard until I met you—you make me wheeze out the ugliest laughs, as I’m ashamed to admit. But I want to be able to support you too… like, it feels that this whole thing you’re trying to put up when you meet with other people… it must be exhausting, right? I know you first acted that way with me. I can understand and kind of relate to that, so you can always talk to me alone if you need an ear.”

“Why are you telling me that you don’t want to be friends anymore?” Kise flatly asks. “You’re clearly correct about everything about me. You could’ve just left a long while ago. Did you have to pretend to care, too? Go ahead, aren’t you going to gossip about this to everyone?”

“What? No! I’m not done talking yet, idiot! I wasn’t pretending anything! Can you just stop projecting yourself onto me and listen up? Even though you’re such an asshole sometimes, er—all the time, the time we spent together has grown to be genuine, and I know you felt it too!... so well, I know you’ve heard these words so many times from other people, but…

I like you. That’s why I don’t want to be just your friend anymore. But I know you don’t reciprocate these back, so I just wanna tell you to get it off my chest… that’s all.”

He is absolutely stunned.

You’ve confessed to him, didn’t you? He got what he wanted. He won his little challenge. But why doesn’t he feel the adrenaline, the excitement, of it all like he normally would? His heart beated painfully erratically like how his team suffered a bittersweet loss at the games. Especially when you turned away to leave after you gauged his silence as rejection.

“(y/n)-cchi! W-wait!” He fumbles to grab for the warmth of your hand again. “You just confessed, right? Don’t you have to hear what I say?”

You simply shrug in response, but nonetheless, you turned back around to face him and await his response.

What you didn’t expect though was for him to pull you into a tight embrace and put his head on your shoulder. He pours his innermost thoughts and his emotions out, your shoulder slightly muffling his words, but you still understand everything he had spilled. He finally apologizes for everything he’s done, reassuring you that you don’t have to forgive him, though you kept telling him that it wasn’t that big of a deal. He finally breaks away from you and hangs his head low and exhales. He finally lifts his head to make eye contact with you. His eyes burn with intensity and the usual confidence he bears, although you note the tinge of nervousness behind his pupils.

How did this happen? How did he ever grow so attached to you? And since when did he grow mature enough to concede his defeat?

“I think I’m in love with you…” His words trail off, and his confidence disintegrates away when he realizes that he is no longer the receiving end of a confession.

… and that scares… the crap out of me.”

“You think you’re in love with me?” You stare at him incredulously. Kise squirms uncomfortably under your scrutiny. He’ll admit it, it was the lamest reply anyone could’ve given. You honestly deserved better.

His thoughts were interrupted when you suddenly guffawed and slapped your hands to your mouth to try to stifle your hysteria.

“Hey! I spilled my entire heart to you, don’t just laugh… damnit, hey! It’s not that funny!...” he protests, but after unsuccessfully trying to get you to stop snickering, he sulks back into his chair and huffs with the reddest face.

“Ah… A+ for honesty, at least,” you breathed out. “I thought you were gonna be eloquent about this, since you’re used to this sorta stuff and all…”

“Shut it.”

Kise buries his head into his hands, but you gently pry them off in an attempt to see his embarrassed state.

“Were you really actually sick, though?~”

“Shut uuuup, alreadyyy.”

“I inherited this personality from you, y’know.”

Huh, it seems that you really do know how to be coy, after all.

“Can you two please see yourselves out? The infirmary is not a place to hold your secret rendezvous, especially with this inappropriate behavior.”

“(y/n)-cchi, run!”

“I’m trying, I’m trying!”

In a hurry, Kise grabs hold of your hand and makes a break out the door, dragging you behind with the school nurse trailing far behind. Even if he suffered a loss once again, he still won the complete monopoly of you and your genuine care and warmth for him.

Was it really a loss, though? He doesn’t think much of it now that his head feels clear when he shares these moments with you.

He supposes he misjudged you when you were truly special after all. Déjà vu just hits him like a truck when he fondly thinks about his ex-mentor Kuroko, and how similar you are to him.

[youngbloodlisk]

Candy // Choi Chanhee

- not proofread just because i'm lazy i'm sorry

- sub chanhee + dom female

- mommy kink

- edging

- manhandling

- aggressive

- handjob

- riding

- pegging

- degradation

- a little praise

- a little embarrassment kink

- slight possessiveness

- stoplight color system

- orgasm denial

- fake sympathy

- dacryphilia (crying kink)

- oral (male rec)

- fingering

i threatened to tag @denehbola in this and i am a woman of my word 😎

He arrived home exhausted.

He didn't even remember to take off his shoes before he practically fell over onto the couch.

I asked him about the concert while I took his shoes off for him and put them by the door.

Three encore stages, he said.

Then a party backstage for some of the staffs' birthdays.

Then Changmin wanted to go over choreography for a special gift they've been preparing for deobis' anniversary.

He said he's never been so tired in his life.

I told him to sit back and relax: let me take care of him.

I brought him a bottle of ice cold water and a satisfying plate of food.

We turned on a movie and I massaged him in every place where he groaned that it was sore.

He took his time with his food, but drank three bottles of water before the movie was over.

I told him to follow me to the bathroom so I could give him a bath. As shy as he was, he was also too sore and tired to take his clothes off efficiently, so he let me undress him with a gentle, warm touch.

He sat in the white tub, water surrounding him and soapy bubbles floating around the edges.

I told him when to close his eyes and brace for water or soap, just like an adult might bathe a small child.

He smiled the whole time I washed his pink hair, clearly enjoying the scalp massage that came along with lathering his shampoo.

Once he was clean, he wrapped up in a navy blue robe and sat on the bed, telling me what clothes to take out of his pajama drawer and which brand of underwear he wanted (considering differences in style and texture).

He decided to take it on himself to get dressed for bed and brush his teeth.

I continued a soft, but firm, massage while he brushed his teeth.

When he finished, we laid down in the bed and he snuggled into me.

He didn't know if he could sleep yet, he said.

He was exhausted, yet deep down he was still on a bit of a performance high. He hadn't fully relaxed yet.

That's how we ended up here.

Chanhee's clothes pooled on the floor by the bed, myself still fully clothed.

One of my hands lightly wrapped around his cock, moving at a perfect pace, the other hand rubbing his torso.

What better to calm him down than a slow, gentle handjob? Or so I thought.

I notice his face scrunching, and the way he's pressing his lips together.

"Are you okay? Did I do something wrong, baby?"

"N-No, no... not at all... I just... I-I really want-..."

He gets embarrassed and covers his face with his hands, pushing his legs together (which, in turn, makes me lose my grip on him) and bringing his knees up.

"Look at me." I say in a gentle voice.

"I can't." His voice is muffled through his hands, until I grab his wrists and pull his hands away.

"Look at me, Chanhee. Talk to me. What do you want?"

"I want... I want mom- mommy-... I-" His eyes begin to well up with tears, which often happens when he's embarrassed or feels guilty.

"Hey..." I use the hem of my shirt to wipe the salty tears away from his face. "There's no need to cry, darling. Do you want mommy to make you feel good? Be rougher with her babyboy?"

"Yes, yes, yes! Please, mommy." He says quickly, relieved that he doesn't have to say it himself, yet still embarrassed to be asking for it. "I'm so s-sorry. Your... your hand just f-felt so good. I want mommy to... to do m-more to me." His voice is shaky and barely audible. Unless he's already really in the moment, he hates asking me to do anything. He feels as if he's being selfish and greedy.

Yet, his dick begins to turn red and the tip gets shinier by the second from the embarrassment.

"You know your body better than I do, and I know you're still a bit sore. So, do you remember the safe words?"

"Yellow to slow down, red to stop."

"What about the safe actions?"

"Either snap repeatedly or tap on you repeatedly."

"That's my good boy." His cheeks flush red at the comment as I move to sit up against the headboard. "Lay across my lap, ass up."

"Wait, what?" He's clearly surprised with the way I'm choosing to start this.

"Do you wanna be a good boy tonight?"

"Oh- I do- I- Yes."

"Yes, who?"

"Y-Yes, mommy."

"Then lay across my lap. Ass up. Don't make me ask a third time."

"Yes, mommy." He mumbles in a slurry mess and crawls to me, positioning himself perfectly across my lap.

I run my hand across his pretty ass and grab at it, surely making him think I'm about to spank him, before pulling his legs apart and running a finger slowly across his hole.

Chanhee squirms just a bit at the touch.

I reach down between his legs and wrap my hand around his hard dick. My grip is much firmer and stronger than before and my pace is much slower.

He tries to hold back his reactions as much as possible, which only makes it more satisfying when he blurts out a sweet, desperate...

"More. M-more, please."

I take my hand off entirely, except for the fingers tracing his dripping tip.

Chanhee let's out a desperate whine and pushes his hips back. I wrap my hand entirely around his tip. I use my other hand to roughly grab his hair and tug on it, pulling his head back just enough so I can lean over and look him in the eyes.

"The whines we like, but you know that right now your body is mine to control. Yes?"

"Yes, m-mmmommy. I'm ssso sorry, I'll be a g...good boy. I promise..." He chokes out between pretty moans as I begin progressively stroking his cock faster. "I'm... I'm getting clo-close."

"I can tell, baby. Your cock talks." My comment about the twitching taking place in my hand was delivered with a smirk, knowing that it would embarrass him.

His breath begins to hitch and I know he's so close. He's right on the edge. Just a couple more strokes will cover the sheets in white.

I pull my hand away, eliciting the cutest whining and begging I've ever heard from my precious boy... as well as the most disobedient reaction he's ever given.

A soft, desperate mumbling of "no" and "please" rolls off Chanhee's pink little tongue, and he tries to turn around and sit up while reaching back to grab my hand. It happens so fast that he's already grabbed my wrist before I can react.

It takes more strength than you'd imagine to control him and hold him down, but I've gotten good at finding his weak spots in many different ways.

I hold him down in a position which has his face pressed against the bed and his ass sticking up in the air.

I lightly brush my fingertips down his shaft.

"Please, p-please let me cum-"

"Even when you just misbehaved and I had to pin you back down, you run your slutty mouth. Do you think you deserve to cum already? After that?"

"Please, mommy..." He sounds as if he's crying, but there are no tears yet.

He's probably alright, knowing him, but better safe than sorry. I quickly ask him for a color check.

"Green."

I continue to lightly brush my fingers against him, waiting until he comes down from his denied orgasm. As soon as Chanhee's body has calmed, obvious by the way he relaxes and the way his sounds change, I stop touching him and carefully move him off of my lap.

As I move from my previous spot, I instruct him to sit where I was.

He does so, curled up and pouting at me.

"Aw, did baby not get to cum?" I mirror his pout and nod, crawling towards him.

I harshly pull his legs apart and position my body between them so he can't close them back. I grab his chin, squishing his cheeks up and parting his pouty little lips.

"Did my bad babyboy not get to cum?" I keep up the fake sympathy.

"Please, please, I'll be so good. I-"

"Good? You don't seem like a very good boy today. That's okay." I trail my way down his body until he can probably feel my hot breath on his slit. "If you don't wanna act like a good boy, I'm not gonna treat you like one."

I wrap my lips around his tip and pull off with a pop. I watch his weak eyes as I lick long and slow up his shaft before taking him in my mouth, going further and further until I almost gag.

It doesn't take long, not a whole lot of bobbing and sucking, for him to get close again.

He's already been denied or delayed twice.

He starts twitching in my mouth and his hips buck up involuntarily.

I look up to meet his eyes, but instead I see them staring at the wall with water welling up.

That's my cue to pull off of him with another sweet pop.

I watch as the tears begin to roll down his cheeks and he squirms and jerks around, his breathing heavy.

"Please, n-no more teasing... I need to cum, I need- I'm begging you, baby-"

"Excuse me? Begging who?"

"Please, mommy-" It comes out like a whisper.

"Louder."

"Please, m-mommy-"

I wrap my hand around his neck and press on the sides.

"You little slut." I whisper in his ear. "You're begging to cum but you can't even beg properly. Louder." I press the end of louder into his neck with a kiss.

"Please! Please, please, please... I need mommy to make me cum, please!" His precious voice cries out, loud enough that anyone else in the house would hear.

He shakes and whines, desperately tugging at my clothes and groping my body as I kiss his neck.

When I pull away and try to get off the bed, Chanhee grabs my shirt and pulls me back. He places a hand on the back of my neck, caressing softly, and he presses a loving kiss to my lips.

He does this sometimes in moments like this. It's a nonverbal green indicator.

We have a "red" equivalent safe action, two in fact, but this kiss is how Chanhee reassures me that he's okay. He's enjoying himself, and enjoying his time with me. He isn't hurt or upset in any way whatsoever.

Green light.

I really appreciate it.

I linger in front of his face for a moment after the kiss, looking deep into his eyes with sincerity and love.

"You're doing so well, sweetheart. You're taking everything I give you perfectly. You'll tell me if it gets too much, right?"

"Of course."

I place one more quick kiss on his lips before getting up off the bed.

"Lay on your back, baby. Right on the edge of the bed." I tell him.

He starts doing as I say, but freezes when he sees me pulling my shirt off. I pretend not to notice the way he stares me down as I undress, practically drooling. By the sound of the bed, I assume he finally lays down when I disappear into the closet.

Chanhee's eyes widen at the sight of me walking out of the closet, finishing securing my black strap-on.

"I th-thought-"

"You'll cum. Be it untouched now or later when I ride you... you'll cum. Legs up, babyboy."

He lifts his legs and holds them up, and I grab the bottle of lube from the bedside drawer.

After proper application, a green light check, and making sure he's relaxed, I slowly push into him.

A soft moaning/gasping jumble leaves his mouth at the feeling of the familiar strap. I begin rocking my hips, slowly and carefully speeding up. I can't help but smile watching him as I fuck him.

His jaw lax.

His eyes leaking tears, which stream down the sides of his face.

His beautiful skin glistening with sweat.

His pink hair messy and sticking to his forehead.

His hard dick hitting his stomach.

His pretty fingers digging into his thighs as he holds his legs up.

His body lightly bouncing back and forth from the impact of my thrusts.

And my favorite part, the sweet sounds coming from his mouth.

"You look so beautiful... my pretty babyboy. So perfect. Give me your hands, angel." I slow down and he takes a moment to breathe before letting his legs rest on my shoulders and grabbing my hands.

I hold tight to him and increase speed immediately, pounding into Chanhee.

His back arches, his body starts shaking.

He's being so loud that even the neighbors probably know how good he's getting fucked.

"Listen to yourself, babyboy. You're my little toy, aren't you? Such a pretty slut for mommy. Say it."

"I'm a s-s...slut f...for... mommy. You ma...make me feel so g-good, mom...my..."

"Do you wanna cum?"

Chanhee nods, only making me slam into him harder.

"Use your words, slut."

"Please! Please let... me... c-cum..."

"Where are you gonna cum? Are you gonna cum inside mommy?"

"Can-... Can I?"

I drop his hands and pull out of him, quickly working to take off the strap.

Chanhee lays in place, exhausted, but watching me with expectation.

"Move back on the bed a bit." I instruct him, to which he shakily obeys.

Once I place the strap to the side to wash later, I crawl on top of Chanhee and hover over him.

I press my forehead against his before placing a kiss on his cheek.

I sit up, straddling the boy. Taking his red, dripping cock, and lining it up to my entrance before lowering slowly.

We both let out sighs of relief when he's finally fully inside me.

For him, he's been denied so much pleasure already that knowing he's actually gonna cum this time is relief.

For me, I've been throbbing and dripping this entire time. That's my relief.

I know I can't take my time while riding him, that would be truly cruel. He's already taken so much, he deserves this.

Not to mention, it surely won't take long at all for either of us to cum.

I do my best to keep my balance as I start to bounce.

"You feel so good, babyboy..." I moan out, my voice breathy and slow. "You fill me up so well, you're so good for me."

I rock as I move up and down on him to intensify it.

His cock hits deep inside me, grazing my g-spot perfectly.

Chanhee digs his fingers into my hips.

"F-Feels... so good... I'm... cl-close..." His strained voice comes out in a moan. His chest rises and falls in a mix of shallow and deep breaths.

"Cum in me like the good... good little slut you are."

I keep my pace steady, as difficult as it may be, and it doesn't take much longer before a loud moan rips through the air like an orchestra in perfect tune and unison.

Music to my ears.

Chanhee's body jerks and his head is pressing hard against the bed, his back arching and his breath hitching. I feel a rush of warmth inside me.

I slow down until it comes to a natural stop as I lift myself off of him and lay next to him, my head on his chest. I can feel his breathing become more consistently deep.

My fingers trace along his skin.

"Thank you... but... you didn't-"

I quickly cut him off with a genuine tone, so he knows I'm not upset.

"I know. It's okay. I edged you so much, it doesn't matter. You deserve it, angel."

My confusion keeps me from reacting to what happens next.

He readjusts so his fingers can reach my pussy.

"I wanna take care of my mommy... because she always takes care of me."

He sinks two long fingers into me and presses his thumb on my clit.

I gasp, already being so close from riding him.

Chanhee curls his fingers in a rhythm to match his thumb massaging my clit.

I press my face into his chest as he fingers me to an orgasm. He kisses my head softly when I clench around his fingers and cover them in a new wetness.

"Can I lick them?" He asks after letting me come down from my high and catch my breath.

"Of course you can, angel."

He pulls his hand back up to his mouth and sucks on his fingers, covered in a blend of both of us, like he's sucking on candy.

"Chanhee, you always treat me so well. You're so good every time. Taking everything I give you, begging for mommy. I appreciate you so much, babyboy."

He finishes licking his fingers clean with a pop that mirrors the way I sucked him off earlier.

"It's not just me. You're the best I could ask for. You always leave me fully satisfied and beyond."

I smile and press my lips to his, quickly deepening the kiss, but keeping it brief.

"I'll get us cleaned up."

We end up working together to use a couple of towels to clean ourselves off, deciding we can handle the sheets tomorrow morning (along with the strap).

We cuddle up together, Chanhee's head resting on my chest and our arms around each other. I play with his hair and lay in the calm of his steady breathing.

It may be irrational, but I usually stay awake until he's asleep. I like knowing he's safe and sound before I close my eyes.

When I think he's finally out, I take my hand away from his hair and rest it on his body.

I feel myself drifting fast, but I hear one last thing before falling asleep.

Something that I've heard before, but not very often. Something that I only hear on occasion, which makes it all the more satisfying each time.

"I love you."

[cloud9in]

The Half of It

A Mc x Poppy fic inspired by the film 

Summary: Bea, the town’s outcast is recruited by the school jock to win Poppy’s heart. But what happens when she starts falling for her as well?

Author’s Note: So this will be a multiple part series that includes scenes heavily inspired from the movie “The Half of It”. I certainly recommend watching it. My version will have different twists and a different ending, and definitely more angst. It will include mature themes as the story progresses.

Warnings for this chapter: Swearing. This is a good thing for now.

Chapter 1- 

“Love is simply the name for desire and pursuit of the whole.”

                                                   - Plato, The Symposium

It is said that when one half finds its other, there’s an unspoken understanding. A unity. And each would know no greater joy....than this. 

 ...Except this is highschool. And in my opinion, there is no other half. Maybe the other half is a paper on Greek God philosophy due at midnight. But make that four papers, including mine. 

 My name is Bea Hughes and let’s just say...this is not a very happy story. Well maybe some parts are, but you’ll have to read to find out. I come from a small town called Farmsville, and when I mean small, I mean really small. Except the highschool seems fucking huge, with never ending hallways and when you do somehow find the end, there’s usually two inbreds eating each others mouths off. Lucky for me I am the epitome of antisocial, reserved, an introvert, or whatever the inferior beings, aka every other senior, calls me when they think I can’t hear. But I hear everything, including that one time Bradley Denbrough, upcoming hotshot actor, or so he claims, found out about a crush a poor unsuspecting freshman had on him. Everybody knew what Bradley and his goons did to that boy, even the adults, but no charges were pressed. This town is as conservative as it gets, but no one knows of my secret. I carry this school on my back when it comes to having everyone graduate, but that’s all I am to them, a pawn. And that’s all I wanted to be, nothing more and nothing less. I preferred to be in the shadows. 

 ***

 ...Except the mandatory Senior Talent Show forced Bea out of her hibernation hole. The thought haunted her as she sat in the dance studio, the last fucking place she wanted to be. Dance was so not a Bea kinda thing, but the blonde knew exactly why she granted herself the misery of picking the class. Poppy Min Sinclair, the golden girl of Farmsville High, the preacher’s daughter on a more serious note. She is...the most fascinating girl Bea ever laid her eyes on even if her boyfriend was a complete asshole who sermonized his duties as her future husband. Like seriously? Poppy has got to have some screws loose to date such a fake loser who plagiarizes all of his speeches at sunday church, and once literally begged Bea to write an apology letter to his father for him after completely upending their summer cabin. Except the blonde wrote the opposite of an apology, it went something like this…

 Dear beloved donkey, I mean dad,

 I am terribly sorry for inviting 20 hookers to the summer cabin. I have these strange impulses and you should at least be grateful I didn’t invite the big boss as well. His wife came though, in many, many ways. You should get the carpet changed. 

 Sincerely, your STD free son

 It was safe to say that Mr. Denbrough had a near heart attack after reading it, and Bea did kinda feel bad, kinda. He never mentioned the letter to Bradley though, instead silently calling up the owner of Teopoli Catholic Summer Camp and essentially deporting the boy to Canada for the summer. No son of his would end up in hell was what the old man preached everyday from then on. It was the quietest summer Bea had ever experienced. 

 Being the towns outcast, Bea could have her fun when she so chooses to, but that didn’t pay the bills. In fact, the multiple essays that people paid her to write was her way of surviving and taking care of her mother. They weren’t very rich but Bea worked with what she had, helping her mother manage the farm, which included getting on her knees and wrestling the pigs. And that’s how she was gifted the name “pig girl”, stupid Bradley and his fake friends just had to wander too far and catch Bea in the act. She swore a remixed video of her hog calling surfaced the web at one point and that gave the blonde her five minutes of fame. Boy was it an awful time in her life. 

 Bea worked her mother’s previous job as station master or signalman for the trains that passed through, even if it barely paid her shit. The secluded feeling of sitting in that booth and having a moment with her thoughts was enough to give her purpose. Bea was fond of poetry and it usually helped her come up with song lyrics.

 Song lyrics…

 That she would have to sing at the talent show. A huge sigh escaped her lips as she slumped further into the ground, maybe hoping she could bury herself six feet under. It wasn’t that Bea hated singing, no she absolutely loved it. Playing her guitar at night and belting out lyrics that only resulted in her mother banging on the ceiling below in efforts to shut the blonde up. But the mere fact that she’d have to sing in front of the ruthless seniors rubbed her the wrong way. Something would go wrong, it always did. Bea was shaken out of her thoughts when Poppy crossed the center of the room, moving her hips slowly to the sound of Rihanna’s voice. The class chose a slow r&b song to choreograph today and of course all eyes were on Poppy.

 If i’m your girl say my name boy

let me know i'm in control

 Her silky blonde locks swayed as she danced to the beat, hands thrusting sensually along her sides. Bea stared in awe, almost like Poppy was the only one in the room and a spotlight illuminated every movement, every curve. Except she definitely wasn’t the only one picturing Poppy in that way. Carter, the school quarterback leaned against the railing, arms crossed and eyes trailing the rise and fall of her chest. 

 Got me wondering, I’m wondering if i'm on your mind

 Bea sat up straighter but nearly lost her bodily functions when Poppy locked eyes with her before spinning away. It was simple eye contact Bea, don’t let it get to your head. You already have multiple lyrics inspired by Poppy offering the bare minimum in human interaction. She doesn’t actually like you. Poppy is popular and has the perfect life...and boyfriend, even if Bea heavily disagrees. Poppy was a bitch of course, but not a bitch bitch. Unlike the other wannabe mean girls, the blonde didn’t give Bea hell, well that was because the girl paid her zero attention. She seemed distant, off in her own world, or well in her parents world learning the strategies of business. Poppy was expected to follow in her parents footsteps and keep up with her reputation of being the richest in town, and of course a faithful future wife. So fun. But the blonde had other prosperous dreams of travelling and following her passion of music and dance. Highschool was her only outlet and she took advantage of it any chance she’d get. Bea knew this because she would ride her bike every friday night to the school and watch Poppy dance from outside the glass window. Maybe Bea realized it was kinda creepy, but she’s dumb enough to not realize her obvious growing attraction. I mean who pedals miles just to watch someone trip on their feet? 

 ***

 The sound of the bell caught everyone's attention and the teacher slowly lowered the music. Bea watched as Bradley approached Poppy and smothered her with kisses and praises. She rolled her eyes painfully, this kind of PDA definitely wasn’t it, she could have gone her whole life without seeing that. She walked silently through the crowd of kids in the hall, everyone was laughing and talking to their friends. All Bea could allow her mind to focus on was the very intimidating billboard of names a few feet across from her. 

 Winter Talent Show Sign-Ups (Mandatory For Seniors)

 Bea glared at it quietly before signing her name on the sheet, sealing her inevitable fate. Through the hustle of students, Carter watched the blonde with a yearning look from afar. This should be great…

 The next few classes were a blur and Bea eventually found herself getting up to hand Ms. Kingsley her paper. The older woman looked at her with a knowing glance as she took a generous sip of her coffee, which was 75% tequila.

 “6 different interpretations on Plato? Colour me impressed Miss Hughes.” 

 Bea shrugs nonchalant, “yeah well would you rather read their actual essays?”

 “Oh hell no.” Kingsley feigns shock as she looks at the stack of papers with a comical expression. She takes another sip, watching her younger, prodigy of a student carefully. “You know there are places outside of this godforsaken town where you can put your talents to use... Real use. I teach at Belvoire University occasionally.” Ina winks and slides Bea an application, studying her initial reaction. “It’s...in New York.”

“Damn right! The Big Apple.”

 “Kingsley you know I have to stay here. It’ll be easier for me to manage the farm and be close to home”, Bea says confidently even though her body language displays otherwise. She predicted the big sigh filling her ears before it actually happened and it still managed to faze her. “Who ever said you had to do anything? What about what you want to do?” Bea doesn’t make eye contact with Ina, that woman could convince you to do just about anything with a certain look. “No we are not doing this. You can take your reverse psychology and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. I’m outta here.” The blonde stomps out of the classroom, the sound of Ina’s chuckles still ringing in her ears.

 “Hey! Everyone in this town fears God, but you know what God fears? My ability to hide a bottle of Don Julio in my left boot.” Ina pulls out the newly bought bottle and cradles it. “Come to mama.”

 ***

 Bea rode her bike alongside the dirt road, Kingsley’s words on replay the entire ride. Maybe she did deserve to experience something more than what this town had to offer. But would her mother manage without her? Sacrifices, sacrifices. Bea was used to making those for her mother after her father’s death. What would her dad think of all of this?

 “Hey!”

 He’d surely smack Bea upside the head for the little antics she pulled occasionally. And then he’d buy her vanilla coconut ice cream and ask for every single detail of what happened as they sat and laughed together. That’s the kind of relationship Bea would have had with her father, she liked to assume so. She also liked to assume that she’d get home safely everyday without a scratch, but then there’s Carter.

 “Hey wait up!” 

 The jock seemed to be running ridiculously fast and crashed right into the rear end of Bea’s bicycle, sending her face first into a mount of dirt. The initial impact was enough to boost the blonde straight back up like nothing happened and into a fighting stance, fists out and eyes wild. Very scary Bea. When she realized it was him...well it only pissed her off even more. “What the fuck Carter! You asshole!”

 “I’m sorry Bea! Here let me help-”

 “No! Move away! You- my bike- I…” Bea groans frustratingly, stepping away from the wreck as she tries to catch her breath. Carter watches her sheepishly, rubbing an envelope between his fingers awkwardly. After a few minutes of painfully uneasy silence he speaks up, “Okay...I didn’t want to ask you this way but I was wonder-”

“Oh, so you practically break my ass and now you want me to do you a favour? Real nice way of communication you have there Mr. Quarterback. What is with you and those freakishly large muscles anyways? Maybe it’s my fault I didn’t hear your avalanche built ass coming from behind.”

 “Hey! They are not freakishly large!”

 “I hate to break it to you Jackson but mine are significantly more appealing to look at.” Bea smirks widely, flexing her arm as best as she could. It’s a work in progress… just bare with her.

 It didn’t take much effort for Carter to break out into a smile and look at her fondly. Maybe there was more to this girl than just being a human dictionary. Well that’s what people called her, and he maybe believed it at first.

 Bea noticed the lack of response and shifted awkwardly, clearing her throat. “Listen, its $10 for three pages, $20 for three to ten, I'm not in the over-ten-page biz.”

 “No..no I’m not here to cheat!” Carter blurts out. “But I’ll let you know if I do plan on- anyways. I uh..” He hesitates before handing her the envelope. “What’s this?

 “Well you see it’s a letter..”

 “Yeah but who writes letters these days?”

 “I thought it seemed romantic..”

 “And I thought women writing Jeffrey Dahmer letters in jail seemed romantic”, Bea says sarcastically, her smile dropping instantly after catching a glimpse of Poppy’s name at the top of the paper. It was like the blood stopped flowing through her body for a few seconds as her mouth went dry. This had to be the work of the so-called God everyone praised in this town, or it was one cruel coincidence. Bea wasn’t sure why seeing her name made her heart beat ten times harder, but it also wasn’t a necessarily uncomfortable feeling…

 “I- I can’t help you.”

 “But if you just add a few more words-”

 “I’m not writing a letter to Poppy Min Sincla- to..to some girl for you. Letters are supposed to be authentic, from the heart, your own words, your...feelings.” Bea hurriedly turns to grab her bike, suddenly losing all interest in being social. 

 Carter was afraid this would happen. But he was stubborn. “But I can pay more for authentic!” 

 Too bad Bea was stubborn as well. “Just get a thesaurus...Good luck, Romeo.”

***

 Bea sat in her room, strumming away softly at the strings of her guitar. Some of the keys were off but the old thing still worked, and that was good enough for her. She could hear the tv blasting downstairs, her mother most likely watching the news. There’s something about old people and news, were they secretly ogling the news anchors? Just like Bea ogled Poppy any chance she could. The blonde frowned to herself, her eyebrows crunching together in question. What so hard about writing a letter to Poppy? It’s not like it's coming from her. Well it technically is, but Carter is taking the credit and Bea never had a problem with people taking credit for her words. So why did this very thought prove to be such an inconvenience? Lucky for Bea, her mind drifted elsewhere when she heard a painful snap. Even if it wasn’t physically connected to her body, she felt a horrible ache. Slowly peering down at the guitar in her hand, Bea found that the neck of the guitar had miraculously split almost clean off, a splinter of wood just holding it intact. She wanted to scream but nothing really came out, except air of course. Much to her disapproval, this was definitely a result of her strength. Stupid muscles couldn’t contain themselves at the thought of Carter being with Poppy. Now how could that be? 

 But now she had no guitar. And no guitar means no strings to strum, and no lyrics to sing, and no talent to show at the talent show. Now she was in trouble. Probably because she knew that the only way to get the money to replace the guitar would be through sealing the deal with Carter. Oh fuck it!

 ***

 “One letter. And enough money to buy a new guitar.”

 “Deal!”

 Bea turns away with a sigh, completely ignoring Carter’s high five. Now all she had to do was write this letter, and pray that Poppy wouldn’t completely consume every fiber of her being in the process.

                                 -------------------------------------------

End note: So how we feelin’? Carter and Bea Brotp??

Tags: @samanthadalton @somewillwin @clowneryme @baexpoppy @zigxryanz @uselesslesbianfr @aleiramacaii @thedaft1 @alexlabhont @iamsimpforpoppy

[shekorla]

Linked Universe Zeldas

So last December I decided to draw my idea for the Zeldas on a whim. Found the WIP recently and decided to finish it.

Also, I typed up all my headcanons for them because I have a lot. They are below the cut. 

And I put down nickname ideas, because I'm bad at naming things, and I think the LU discord has already decided on a set of nicknames that they like. Personally, I really dislike most of those though.

❖Corresponding Link: Four

     o Age: Teen, just older than Four. Not a major difference, just enough that she can tease him about it.

     o Status: Officially still holds the title of princess, acts more like a queen. Her father is extremely protective of her, but after Vaati he conceded that he couldn’t protect her forever. Since then she has been learning to fight, forge (not good at it), and taking over more and more responsibilities from her aging father

     o Nickname ideas: Light, Picori, Force

     o Fighting style: Mostly fights with a sword and shield. Has extremely strong innate light magic. (light force, although weaker now) Doesn’t necessarily know how to focus it yet (magic bomb, some healing). If you are going to be on the battlefield stop running around like that.

     o Current relationship to Link: Best friends, practically siblings. When they were kids there was definitely some major crushing going on. Then everything with Vaati happened and things got… complicated. Neither she nor Link really knows what type of romance they want for the future. They still play lots of pranks on people. She helps keep him stable on the days when his colors get a little too wild.

     o Random stuff: Hyperactive and cheery. Always something new to see or learn and she wants to do it. hates sitting still, she is always moving somehow (got turned to stone). Top is hers; Link made the sword (gift), rest is extras from four’s parts (stolen). Hair is naturally extremely curly, lets it down for formal things, tied up for adventuring. Helped four get back to functioning as Link after being four people. Will attack him to get him to take care of himself. Is taller than both four and wind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

❖ Corresponding Link: Hyrule

     o Age: At least a hundred. Was 18 when she was cursed to sleep, no one is exactly sure how long she was asleep.

     o Status: Was a princess before falling asleep, offered the crown once woken up. Really over being royal. Link helped her get a job and lodging on a farm at the edge of Hyrule. Really likes that.

     o Nickname ideas: Legacy, Farmgirl, First, Ancestor.

     o Fighting style: Healer. Lots of bandages to patch everyone up. Doesn’t like to fight, but will stab a man if the need arises. The world is cruel, be kind. Has weak magic, a little bit of healing, and lots of prophetic. Knows the best places to hide on a battlefield.

     o Current relationship to Link: They are good friends. He checks up on her from time to time, and she makes sure that he always has a place to rest and relax in safety. Their world is a little bit of a mess, everyone needs a support system.

     o Random stuff: Has insomnia. Afraid of not waking up. Extremely wise, or maybe just world-weary. On tense but good terms with current queen Zelda of Hyrule. Forgives her brother, has come to terms with her fate. Taciturn and calm, probably depressed. Extremely sensitive to dark magic. (like an old burn wound) Dislikes people who use it to forcefully get their way. Doesn’t outright hate the principle of it, but will actively shy away from the presence of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

❖ Corresponding Link: Time

     o Age: Adult, mentally/physically the same age.

     o Status: Queen of Hyrule. She is married and has a daughter.

     o Nickname ideas: Destiny, Sheik, Queen, Lyre/Harp (what is that thing?), Sage.

     o Fighting style: Fights mostly with magic. Uses the harp to play songs (ironically fights like HW sheik) has basic sheikah skills. Has only been training to fight for a short time, is still fairly physically weak. One of the most proficient magic users all round. Can take down the basic mooks, but won't last long against a bigger enemy. Knows how to fight alone.

     o Current relationship to Link: Strained. Not OOT sheik. Is MM Zelda. Only knows link as the boy who showed up to save the day, then left. Has had occasional interactions, she visits the ranch, he works with the guard. Only in the past year or two, she has had dream glimpses of the alternate timeline. She knows that she and link killed Ganon side by side, that she helped link disguised as sheik. Does not know about the seven years or most of the trauma. Basically, seen like five cutscenes and nothing else.

     o Random stuff: Prophetic dreams. Knew she would be leaving on a quest. Kingdom is well set up to work in her absence. Loves her family, is an idiot who doesn’t know the importance of checking in via letters for anything other than politics. Snobbish, proud, put too much stock in titles. Best manager, not a great leader (doesn’t have the personal skills for it). Sees the world as extremely black and white.

❖ Corresponding Link: Twilight

     o Age: Young adult.

     o Status: Newly coronated queen, has been running the show for a few years now, it's just barely official

     o Nickname ideas: Dusk, Dawn, Shadow

     o Fighting style: Uses mainly rapier to fight. Also, a great archer. Because of temporarily sharing a soul with Midna, has access to powerful twilight magic. Not as strong as Midna, still strong. Has goddess magic (channel through weapons). Tries to hide twili powers mostly since it's “dark magic”, but only technically. She knows it's not true dark magic and really just wants to avoid a lecture (does not get along well with time’s Zelda). Knows her way around the edge of a battlefield.

     o Current relationship to Link: They barely know each other. Only really interacted through saving the world things. Then they went separate ways. She considers Midna a sister and wants to slap both Midna and Link for not realizing they like each other. Once she knows Link better, she will probably tease him a lot.

     o Random stuff: Unlike most of the other Zeldas, sees the world as being mostly shades of grey, rather than stark black and white. Somber and stoic. Secretly a massive gremlin. Has a few habits picked up from Midna's soul along with the magic. Is awkward around ‘normal’ people. Has spent almost her entire life in political settings. One of the best politicians. Rather open about her feelings, it's just small and easily missed. Feels guilty for the troubles that befell both Hyrule and the twilight realm. Hates having to stand back unable to help. Screw rules she is going to help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

❖ Corresponding Link: Wild

      o Age: 118-120ish(?) I don’t know how long it has been since the events of BOTW.

      o Status: Technically queen, currently is focused on rebuilding Hyrule. Has no intention to take up the throne any time soon.

      o Nickname ideas: Scholar, Architect, Champion, Urbosa, Scientist, Little Bird.

      o Fighting style: Not a great fighter but she is learning. Decent with a sword. Gets a crossbow from twilight and then makes her own out of sheikah tech. (currently has no magic and good riddance). Learning to navigate a battlefield.

      o Current relationship to Link: They are good friends, but it's awkward. Neither of them are totally sure how to act around the other. Basically, either gremlin adventures, or awkward small talk. Past the first road trip, only interact a few times a month. She is caught between trying to mourn her knight and accepting her new hero. Cooking shenanigans.

      o Random stuff: Loves learning new things. Can and will study and find the effects of every plant. Knows poisons, antidotes, elixirs, potions, and everything else. Still trying to come to terms with everything that happened. Frequent nightmares. Claustrophobic/minor insomnia. Knows all the languages. Loves studying sheikah tech, and finally gets the chance to as much as she wants. Hates the castle. So many things change culturally over 100 years and she has no idea what to do. Awkward, but sincere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

❖ Corresponding Link: Wind

     o Age: Teen

     o Status: Technically the queen. Hyrule currently consists of a single town on the mainland, and lots of plans. Queenish. Anjean is teaching her how to politics.

     o Nickname ideas: Name is tetra that’s it.

     o Fighting style: Uses a pirate saber as well as the phantom sword. (IDK if spirit tracks is part of Wind’s story, but I was not passing up the opportunity to give tetra a massive sword). Decent archer, and can channel light magic into weapons…. most of the time…... It’s a work in progress. Also has general goddess magic. Big explosion of light. Knows her way around a battlefield

     o Current relationship to Link: Serve on a crew together. Best friends and partners in crime. There is a lot that needs to be done to start a country, they will do it together. It’s not going quickly. They keep getting distracted. Why do paperwork when you can steal things.

     o Random stuff: Smol. Link hit puberty and got a growth spurt. She did not. Not a politician, this child should not be in charge, whose idea was it to let a pirate child run a country. Great leader. All the social skills. Shoot first… that’s it. Sassy. Trying her best to be a good princess and live up to her lineage. It's hard. There is no book. Feels like she is letting everyone down. Hates big birds. Occasional nightmares. Really hates being cold. (turned to stone)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

❖ Corresponding Link: Legend

     o Age: Older teen

     o Status: Queen. Has ruled for a while. Amazing support system. They regularly keep things running when she gets kidnapped. Good relations with all surrounding countries.

     o Nickname ideas: Maiden, Sage, Hilda.

     o Fighting style: Doesn’t. Pacifist. She can attack with light magic, chooses not to. Healing magic, team buffs, defense. Just because she doesn’t fight doesn’t mean she will let her team die. Strongest support magic. Does not know her way around a battlefield.

     o Current relationship to Link: Good work friends. They get along well enough. No massive personal relations. She asks him for help with killing monsters, he asks her for help with laws. It works for them. Occasionally they will get lunch together and catch up. (aka make sure he didn’t get himself killed.) Can use telepathy to contact Link at any time. Keeps it to emergencies only. Because he finds it massively annoying, and a little creepy.

     o Random stuff: Massive romantic. Currently single. Misses being able to gossip with Hilda. Kind and compassionate. Does not stand for injustice. Will forgive until the end of time. Just because she is kind does not mean she is weak. Strong-willed. Good politician. Loved by her people, even if Ganon has attacked like five times. Ganon is the only person on the list of people she would happily shank. So much paperwork. Give the girl a break. Keeps craft supplies on her for long imprisonments. Scrying magic, and a little bit prophetic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

❖ Corresponding Link: Warriors

     o Age: Adult. Older than warriors, younger than time or his Zelda.

     o Status: Queen of Hyrule, and commander of its army. Her Hyrule has been in turmoil for a while even before the war with Cia.

     o Nickname ideas: General, Commander, Tactician.

     o Fighting style: Best fighter. Can use all the weapons. Summon a bow or rapier of pure light magic. Strongest understanding of how the goddess magic works with weapons. Mostly fights as Zelda (basically her gameplay style), still uses her sheik disguise sometimes (ironically fights similar to smash bros sheik because of extensive sheikah training.) Lives on the battlefield.

     o Current relationship to Link: They work seamlessly together in battle and are friends outside of it. They haven't actually known each other very long so it's awkward sometimes. She still has to occasionally remind him that she doesn’t need a title. If they were two kids in a village then they would probably date. But they are not, and things are complicated. Duty to the kingdom comes first.

      o Random stuff: Best makeup. Amazing, if ruthless, politician. Best historian. Blunt. No time for crap. One of the best leaders doesn’t have the pure charisma to outdo warriors though. Resting B Face. 90% of soldiers are scared of her. Comes across as harsh, rude, cold. Really, she is just a bit awkward and hides behind a mask. Can’t do people, can do basically anything else. Minor prophetic magic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

❖ Corresponding Link: Sky

     o Age: Old teen/young adult. Older than Sky.

     o Status: Technically the queen, but Hyrule hasn’t been founded yet. Officially goddess Hylia reincarnated. She doesn’t go around flaunting the title, but sometimes the memories of Hylia she gained will overwhelm her. Full goddess mode. Doesn’t stand for dark magic.

     o Nickname ideas: Hylia, Sun, Swallow.

     o Fighting style: trained at the academy and knows how to fight with a sword. Not a good fighter. massive bursts of power usually win her fights. Sometimes she can channel a little bit of her power, but usually, she just gets overwhelmed by all of it. General goddess magic, cannot channel through weapons. Thinks she does, but in fact, does not know her way around a battlefield

     o Current relationship to Link: Do I need to explain? These two are head over heels. Sappy love birds all the way. Childhood friends. Everyone is surprised they're not engaged yet.

��    o Random stuff: More adventure-ready style to reflect working on founding Hyrule. Fierce and determined. Kind. But she will get her way. Struggles to balance her mortality and newfound divinity. Feels bad that Sky had to fight for her. Loves her bird. Beautiful singing voice. She is trying her best but is in fact very bad at being an adventurer. Good at sewing. Loads of people skills, working on leadership skills. Best with children. 6th sense type prophetic magic. (aka see a shot before it is taken, but not a coming calamity.)

That's it. Congrats on making it to the end. You get a cookie. 🍪

[koreanmadeingreece]

Why, why, why (6)

University student!Yuta x reader

Genre: slight enemies to lovers au, a bit of angst, a lot of fluff, and several mixups

Summary: You just got into uni and decided to move in with your childhood friend!Taeyong at the city where you are going to study. As you’re about to start your new, adult life, you meet his friends, and you realize that not everyone likes you. Nakamoto Yuta in particular almost seems like he hates you.

A/N: In this fic, Jonghyun from NU’EST appears for a while (just to avoid confusion). ALSO I’M SO SORRY I FORGOT TO POST ON WEDNESDAY.

Warnings: n/a (just a liiiittle bit of making out but seriously nothing)

Word count: 1.8K 

Part 6/11 (I think) First / Previous / Next

Taglist: @melitadala @chxotickpoptrash @aiforyuu @fineapplehoe (let me know if you’d like to be tagged!)

You had not even come close to the realization of the chaos that would be the night of the movie. You were engulfed in the picture of Jonghyun sitting next to you that you completely ignored the fact that all your friends would be there as well. Chan had taken the liberty to sit next to you at the opposite side of Jonghyun, and then you also had BamBam and Yugyeom close by. You knew they were going to roast your every move, but that was the easy part.

The part you did not realize you’d end up dreading the most was that Taeyong and his friends would sit at the row right behind you. You definitely didn’t want Taeyong judging your every move with Jonghyun later, and you most definitely didn’t need Yuta to see it too. You thought Jonghyun inviting you would just be another calm and relaxing date of yours, but reality said otherwise.

For your own good, you decided to ignore all those facts and simply went back to enjoying the time you had with your date. You knew he was both attractive and kind, but you hadn’t realized the effect it would have on you to sit this close to him. Even on the uncomfortable university seats, you found your way to sit close to each other, loosely holding hands and getting a kind of intimacy that many would be jealous of. Running little circles with your finger on his hand and him smiling every single time was something you couldn’t have imagined even in your wildest dreams. Sure, you have had relationships in the past, but this one felt like something better; something real.

When the movie started, you noticed how he tried to make small comments about it, considering the fact that he was a film major, but also tried to hold back and not analyze all the details to you, since it was supposed to be a date and not a class presentation. As you had barely started studying yourself, you had no insight to offer, but you were able to understand what he was saying and make your own amateur comments as well. He seemed to enjoy your discussion, even though it wasn’t much of a discussion, since you were watching a movie in a room full of other people, but it was clearly a moment you’d cherish for the rest of your life. Jonghyun was dreamy, and he was starting to become yours.

He took the liberty to lean on your shoulder, which you thought was adorable, and did not try to make moves that seemed too bold for the small amount of time that you were seeing each other. Without bothering the other students with your cheesiness because you had in mind that you really hated being the cringey couple that kissed in the middle of a crowd that was peacefully watching a movie, you stole two kisses from Jonghyun. You could see how a discrete smiled every time after that, and you couldn’t help but want more. You had in mind to ask him to stay with you some more after the movie ended, and that was exactly what you did.

The movie was over; and it was really good. The lights were on and you turned to your left to see Chan grinning at you, obviously having roasted you with the others during the entire movie. He whispered “We’ll talk about it tomorrow, now go and have fun with the man,” to you, which you gladly accepted knowing how many comments you’d have to face the next morning, of course all of them with a good will.

Taeyong had a similar face, although you knew he’d stay up and wait for you, as he’d be unable to last until the next day to gossip. You obviously ignored all those hilarious faces, but when your gaze met Yuta’s, you knew there was something off. You brushed it off and said goodbye to everyone, leaving with Jonghyun.

As you walked around the city, you talked a lot. Jonghyun was the type of guy who made you feel beautiful and appreciated no matter what. Next to him, you felt almost like a princess.

“So, are you seriously telling me that you don’t like lemons?” he asked.

“Yup.”

“Not at all?”

“Yup.” You chuckled.

“Uh, why do I even like you so much?” he said, leaving you speechless.

“Jonghyun,” you paused, but didn’t know what to say.

“Yeah, I said I like you. Is it so bad?” he asked.

“No, I mean, I just can’t believe it’s happening, is all.”

He stopped walking and turned towards you. His gaze felt so intense during that moment, that you literally felt him piercing right through your eyes and seeing directly into your mind. “Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you’re not worthy, Y/N. Regardless of the fact that we just started dating, and I know it’s very soon, I can tell you’re an amazing person that has so much to offer, but also deserves much too.” As he stopped talking, you felt like an invisible force pulled you closer and closer to him, leaning in for a kiss. You felt his sincerity and kind words to be of heart, and it moved you. You knew you had found something good, and you intended to keep it.

That same force was now pulling you to a quieter place of the city, as you knew you wanted more than just a kiss. You found yourselves sitting on a bench where you couldn’t be seen, giving one kiss after the other. You felt his hands roaming on your waist and belly, and you couldn’t resist. His toned arms were just the beginning; his slim figure and well-shaped back was what you wanted, at least for now. His hands were on your thighs, sliding under your dress, but didn’t go very far, as it was only your second date. Even when you clearly wanted him so bad, he was a gentleman and didn’t move further.

After your intense kissing session was over, he walked you to your house. Thankfully, you didn’t see anyone on the balcony, so he leaned in to kiss you goodnight. He waited for you until you unlocked the door and got inside the building and left, leaving you with what was expecting you behind your apartment door; Taeyong, sitting on the couch with no other than Yuta.

“Hey, guys. What are you up to?” you asked.

“Well, hello there,” Taeyong said with a smirk, “what are you up to?”

“Oh, come on, I’m barely here for 30 seconds, give me a break!” you exhaled.

“Fine. I’ll interrogate you later. Uh, V and Johnny had to stay and help with cleaning at uni, so while we’re waiting for them to come, we’re just hanging out,” Taeyong said, and you still hadn’t heard a word from Yuta.

“Yuta, hello!” you said, trying to be nice.

“Hi, Y/N. Did you have fun with your date?” he asked, but you were certain his voice had some mean undertones.

“Yeah, I did, thanks for asking. I also liked the movie very much. Thank you for letting me know in the first place.”

“Yuta helped picking it out,” Taeyong said, “you can let him know if there’s ever anything you’d like to see.”

“Oh, sure! I mean, I’m a huge fan of crime movies, but I also love French comedies. It’s the only genre that makes me laugh.”

Yuta nodded, but didn’t seem up for a talk. In fact, he rarely seemed up for talking to you. “Ok, what have I done this time?” you snapped. You didn’t know how you let it slip your mouth, because you said you’d be nice and civil with Taeyong’s friends until they got used to you. But, sometimes, being civilized had a certain limit, and that was it.

“What?” Yuta asked you, wide-eyed.

“You’re barely talking to me again. I thought we were making progress when you told me about the movie!” you exclaimed, and Taeyong was just sitting silently, avoiding getting caught in the crossfire.

“We were, until you brought your date!” he yelled.

“Why do you care if I bring my date?”

“Because I- Ah, fuck this.” Yuta never finished his sentence and went outside on the balcony. You took a moment to calm down, when Taeyong finally decided to get involved.

“What did I just witness now?” he asked.

“I don’t have a clue,” you answered, unable to figure out what was going on between you two. “Taeyong, what should I do? I don’t want him to hate me. I like him a lot and I feel like he’s a great friend to you. I want us to be in good terms.”

“I know. Maybe you should try and talk to him. I could let you guys talk and bond some more if you want to.��

“I have an idea.” You went to the kitchen and got one of the cupcakes you’d made a few days ago. “Don’t come outside for a while.”

You opened the window and went to the balcony. You saw Yuta leaning on the railing, staring at the city lights. “Mind if I join you?” you paused. “I brought a peace offering!” you said and gave him the muffin. He stared at you for a second. He was flustered, and you could tell.

“Thanks. Is it one of those you were making the other day?”

“Yeah. I hope it tastes good. I’m not exactly known for my baking skills.” You laughed. He didn’t seem to mind and took a bite.

“Y/N, it’s really good!” he said, mouth stuffed. He took a second bite without thinking about it, which you took as a sign to start being proud of your skills.

“Thanks!” you exclaimed. “So, now that my bribe calmed you down a bit, can you tell me what’s wrong? I mean, I know you barely even know me and stuff, but I feel like there’s something between us.”

He swallowed the last bite of your muffin and tried to speak. It was obvious he was thinking about the answer, not quite sure what to say.

“I won’t mind whatever it is,” you reassured him.

“Uh, I don’t know if it’s something you should be concerned about. I’m sorry about my behavior. I know that I’ve been rough on you and I definitely didn’t mean it.”

“Apology accepted. But, if you tell me what it is, I can try and fix it, or, I don’t know, not do it anymore?” You weren’t exactly sure what to say at that point.

“I don’t think it’s something you can fix, Y/N.”

“Is it something that bad?”

“It’s more of a personal thing, you don’t need to worry about it. I’ll manage it myself.” He went quiet for a second. “Well, if you want to, we can go out sometime. Maybe get to know each other some more,” he suggested.

“Yeah, I’d love that.”