#like she despite chronic pain etc does so much

[lycapicta]

Siffrin Headcanons bc i cant sleep

As soon as bro said nya in my game he was assigned the required paws and tail

Doesn't unsheath claws unless he's not wearing gloves they dont wanna ruin them :((

Hair does become completely white after a while but he was talked into dyeing it two tone style again since it suits him

Idea stolen from a friend, but I very much like the idea of Siffrin being albino would explain why he's covered up most of the time

He does not tan he burns...

You all know who I am: Siffrin definitely purrs

He continues his touch therapy outside of the loops and is pretty good with it! He does still get spooked sometimes when he's not ready

Still struggles quite a bit with asking for affection or attention (its easier for him to ask for it from Isabeau)

Cried the first time they ate something outside of the loops

Regularly gets combs or brushes from Mira, but he lets Isa do it once in a while bc he gets jealous lol

Sif didn't completely lose his eye but it is dead (i.e. cant cry out of it, cloudy/damaged) he also can't open it fully and usually settles for having it closed

Their eye patch covers it most of the time but in my design his eye scar is star shaped :)

Spoilery headcanons below the cut

Despite Mira’s healing Sif has lots of scars from hurting himself in the final confrontation with his friends

He has a huge star shaped gash on his chest that mimics Loop's, albeit significantly less clean looking

Has small scars on his arms from the self harm event that you can get in act 5 if you interact with the shard of glass (tries to hide them *unsuccessfully* from his family members at first)

Has chronic pain (something i thought of since the pain he goes through for each of his deaths while looping sort of carries over)

They often have spells where they're in too much pain to move or speak. In these cases the family finds an inn or a place to lay low for a while until it passes. He gets lots of pampering and good foods

This is explored in a fic i haven't finished but Mira teaches Siffrin VSL (Vaugardian Sign Language) to help whenever he becomes nonverbal. He uses it regularly but still struggles a lot with matching Vaugardian words to their respective hand signs

Seems to recall more and more things abt his country as he gets older but he never truly remembers everything (Odile writes everything that she can down for him)

I imagine when the party DOES eventually split up Isabeau and Siffrin still travel a lot, but have their own place in Jouvente whenever they need to settle for a while.

Siffrin is excited to see everyone else's hometowns/countries and is always so happy to see everyone again

Siffrin LOVES touch post loops and is usually all over Isabeau (Isa still has not recovered lmao)

For a long time after everything and even recently Siffrin is enamored with the changes in the weather and the seasons (particularly the rain and snow or the rumble of thunder)

The first night that he experienced a storm after the loops he stayed up for a while watching the rain and listening to the thunder (he had to be coaxed to get his butt in bed)

I also headcanon that he enjoys being out in the rain a lot even if he does become a sopping wet cat afterwards

He never truly gets his original hat back and still has remnants of mannerisms he'd done when he had it (trying to pull down on the brim when embarrassed, etc.)

Isa regularly does a bit of maintenance on his cloak to keep it in good condition (no one else is allowed to touch it)

Sif has episodes where he'll stare up at the stars and sob. He's usually inconsolable, and all the others can do is just be there to give him comfort

Whenever Sif has nightmares he has them in that strange shade (red)

[thedarknessthatloveindespite]

today was such a good morning u know. i had slept. GOOD NIGHT SLEEP N ALL. i even got up and got breakfast for me n my mom. I ATE. I CLEANED THE DISHES I USED. i even changed out of the shirt i was wearing for over a week! very productive. wait omg i forgot to mention. I ACTUALLY REALLY HAD PUT MOMS CLOTHS THAT WERE DONE IN THE WASHING MACHINE IN THE DRYER. I have to say. forgetting everything else, this is such a phenomenal act for me. it’s like fcking idk a meodorite fallen down. ITS A REALLY BIG THING. doing that is soooo hard for me. and i always have an immediate ‘no’ body reaction to the whole act but i didnt just fall into it. i like. toook a moment, you know and actually accessed it. and ! literally tho if mom told me i had to put some clothes in the dryer that would have been too much for me

BUT

anyways. i literally fcking did it. fcking hells

ANYWAYS it really was such a good morning day you know. baby steps!!!! and yeah u know i really do know that i dont do enough as i should etc. i really do know. its just really frustating how my mom doesnt see anything of this tho. yeah she needed someone to go n get the glasses and im really sorry for her but going outside was literally too much of a hurdle for me to just do. especially on short notice. like. really. my mind cant even think of trying it. visualling it

[bunniekittiee]

Bi-Han x Fem. Reader (as well as general headcanons)

Alright alright the Bi-Han headcanons was a success so ykw I’ll bless you all again. Also this is my depiction of Bi-Han so if you think I can tweak it and make it better then by all means let me know!

CW: mentions of eating problems, anxiety, illness, chronic illness, a little nsfw, nothing too crazy

Hair combing is an intimate ordeal.

He does not let anyone else touch his hair besides himself and you. He trusts you completely to comb his hair and even put it up for him.

He thinks you do it better than him, but he can manage it himself if needed.

He sighs with relief when his hair is let down, feeling his s/o’s fingers gently massage his aching scalp. It feels so good to him, he loves it.

Bi-Han does like the quietness. Especially after a long day of Grandmaster duties and irritation.

So if it is quiet during this time, he can close his eyes and almost fall asleep as you caress his hair and take care of him.

Sometimes he has fallen asleep when you are doing this.

If you were to ask Bi-Han to bathe together, he would silently go insane for a second and then agree.

Despite seeing you naked more than often, it still gives him butterflies in different scenarios that isn’t inherently sexual. Such as bathing.

He thinks you are beautiful, do not ever be negative about yourself around Bi-Han because he will immediately worry.

If you are worried about gaining weight, he is already overthinking that you will stop eating.

So instead, Bi-Han gently encourages you to train with the other Lin Kuei if you feel that you want to lose weight or prevent yourself from gaining weight.

No, he does not think you are fat at all, do not twist his words.

But Bi-Han is the type of man to give you solutions to help you but not in a rude way.

He just tries to encourage and give you options.

He will also suggest yoga with Kuai Liang. Kuai Liang usually meditates, but he will divulge himself in yoga for you if you are interested.

He does not like to see you sad or upset about your self image. It makes him feel helpless.

Bi-Han can handle a physical threat because he can eliminate it, but when it is a mental threat such as self image issues, depression, etc., Bi-Han finds himself unable to see straight.

Out of his brothers, I see Bi-Han struggling with some anxiety.

Like I said in my previous headcanons, Bi-Han worries for his s/o because she is his weakness. If anyone were to take her away from him, he would practically engulf everything in a blizzard.

I see Bi-Han having anxiety about his brothers as well, whether they are safe or going to be okay.

As much as Bi-Han shuns Smoke, he still worries for him. Smoke is the ‘baby’ of them all, and if he were to see him in any form of pain, he is already wanting to murder the person who inflicted it upon him.

That being said, if you have any sort of health issues that will literally send Bi-Han over the edge.

He is constantly having the medics check you over and he will be riddled with so much anxiety he will stop eating and sleeping well.

God forbid you have a chronic illness or anything at all, at that point Bi-Han will just have an aneurysm.

As tough as his exterior is, Bi-Han can be sensitive.

Please do not call him names, he doesn’t even do that to you and it will hurt his feelings.

He will distance himself and feel melancholy until you apologize. He doesn’t like it when you are rude or mean to him.

As I mentioned in my other previous headcanons, he does get snappy himself so he knows that he is a bit of a hypocrite.

If you were to communicate your feelings to him, whether it is your frustrations, sadness, or anger, he will understand and try his best to relax you and make you feel better.

You do the same for him, so it’s time that he repays that favor.

Bi-Han can be extremely busy with his duties and he knows you hate being cooped up for so long.

So he will allow Smoke and Kuai Liang to take you out, whether that’s for a walk or to Madame Bo’s, Bi-Han just wants to make sure you are happy.

I don’t know where people got the “jealous of my brothers being around my s/o” belief from, but Bi-Han trusts his brothers completely.

He has to, they go into battle and on quests together, they have to deeply trust each other and have a strong bond with one another.

So he lets his brothers take you out, he does not get jealous of that. They would never do anything to you, and Bi-Han knows it is completely out of character for them to do anything in the first place.

So yes, he lets you go out with his brothers and enjoy your time together when he is busy.

Again, he knows you get cooped up and he wants you to have some freedom.

His brothers love that you have somewhat changed Bi-Han but in a good way.

He is somewhat nicer to Smoke and refrains from telling him he is not part of their family. Last time he did, you gave him the absolute worst glare that even Kuai Liang felt his stomach turn.

Bi-Han is gentle as possible with you. His hands have killed and hurt many, he would hate to inflict the same pain on you.

You are like a flower to him, a delicate and precious lively being.

You have softened Bi-Han in many ways, and many appreciate what you have done.

[mirensiart]

Sorry if this has already been asked. I get only an hour of free time a day right now. I like your art a lot! But I had a question about the Linked pain story... do any of the Link's have a sensitivity to certain types of pain? For example, I can handle a lot of blunt pain like sore muscles and bruses and such but have a low tolerance for sharp pain like cuts or that sharp pain you can get when you run too far.

My sister is the opposite. She crys all the time about little bruses or soar feet but cut her hand pretty bad (I'll spare the details) and just wrapped it in a towl and kept going like it was nothing. Are any of the boys like that? Like: "I'd rather take a sword over a moblen club." or vice versa?

Thank you for creating such adorable art! ^-^

Hey anon!

I haven't really gone into detail about this, like so far the only thing that's been established is that twilight has high physical pain tolerance and wind&four have low physical pain tolerance

But I suppose if I could divide the different type of tolerances then I can see it like

Wild having a high physical pain tolerance as well, maybe not as much as twilight, but like he comes completely undone and is defeated by stomachaches lol which he suffers a lot cause he keeps eating weird things lol also anything that has to do with his hair, hair pulling is his biggest weakness, that he can't tolerate lol

Hyrule is good with physical pain tolerance as well (he was pretty functional with a migraine in the last update), but magic exhaustion or magic related pains floor him. In this au, his healing magic spell is a self healing spell and thus when he uses it on someone else the magic hurts, hyrule does not bode well with that pain at all (but heals others anyway, as if that's gonna stop him) baby needs to lay down immediately after that though

Four has pretty low pain tolerance in general but the pain of burns or of being too close to fire doesn't bother him and he tolerates it quite well thanks to being a blacksmith!

Wars has a pretty good physical pain tolerance, but he's more used to sharp pain than blunt pain, like he won't really react to a cut but whines and complains a lot about body aches and sore muscles

Sky I feel is the same as Wars, sharp pain is ok, sore muscles and chest pain thanks to running out of stamina is not ok lol

Wind doesn't like any type of pain, but he tolerates burns really good, he has burned his hands countless of times with ropes while sailing, so he's used to them

Legend doesn't tolerate sharp pain at all, despite his veteran status and countless adventures cuts, stabbing, etc is a no no lol he can tolerate body aches, chronic pain, stomachaches, headaches and sore muscles really well though lol he has them A LOT

Time is somewhere in the middle, he is able to tolerate sharp pain pretty well and he is functional with a migraine or a stomachache and he fares pretty decently with his chronic pain, but transformation pains like the wolfie one is like The Worst Thing Ever to him lmao

Twilight is an outlier and shouldn't be counted, but the best way to describe him is that most physical things don't bother him, but one cute baby kitten being lost or one of the ordon kids saying something mean to him like say that he isn't Cool anymore is enough to break him lmao

I do believe they all hate needles, like the pain from stitches is hated universally here lol

[mintycandycrumb]

The Blatant Sexism and VA Harassment in The SAMS Fandom.

Not the first Ramble I fully wanted to make on this account, and I'm a little late to the party, but I feel this can no longer be held back as something to keep inside. I have been in the SAMS fandom now since Nexus was first born as New Moon, and in that year and a half since Moon first died I've seen this fandom take some of the lowest falls ever.

I would like to start this simply by saying to Kat (Earth's VA); that I am so sorry the fandom is treating you the way they are, and allow this message from me to at least somewhat help you know there are people in this fandom who respect you and the work you do for us. As an aspiring writer and voice actor myself, you and the rest of the crew are inspiring, and I'm sorry the fandom has thrown so much hate at you for no reason.

To everyone who has been harassing Kat or any other VA; You suck. Plain and simple. These VAs create, write, portray and produce free daily content for you, and you feel entitled to 'good' writing when none of them are professional writers who HAVE to give it to you. These are people with their own lives, and creators do not owe their audience anything, and they are in every right to take it away from us if they feel necessary.

I do have my own issues with the writing at times, but I can look at TSBS for what it is, a simple online show that will have its flaws, plotholes, mistakes, and 'bad' episodes. But it's a show I still love regardless, for the characters and their stories, not the overarching plot. No writing is perfect and the VAs are not professional writers, those who expect movie-quality writing in these shows are not seeing it for what it is

And finally, the blatant hatred towards the female characters in TSBS. Earth, Roxy, Nebula, Pollux, Puppet, Ballora, I've seen so much despisal for these characters for seemingly no reason, and I myself admit I enjoy most villains over them, but that is my own personal love for Villains and NOT a dislike for these characters. They are just as well written as others, flaws and all, as it makes them more human. I will mostly be touching on Earth as she is my biggest point of anger here.

Earth is ALLOWED to be selfish for once in her life, it is not something to demonize her for while you woobify Lunar, someone who has outright admitted he is selfish and by that logic should face the same hatred. Earth is a sweetheart who wants to see the good in people, even those others demonize, like Eclipse, but for some reason, she is despised when she finally wants to do something for herself.

Earth currently is living with chronic pain due to Lunar's rage and selfish (though justifiable) hatred towards Eclipse, and she currently is confused about whether she should forgive him or not, that's good writing, not something to hate her for. The female characters of TSBS are written to be realistic and more human, they are not your punching bags just because you don't like them for some reason.

If you demonize the female characters, yet woobify the villains and claim they can do not wrong, you suck. I admit once again, some of my favorite characters are the deplorable villains (Nexus, Ruin, BloodMoon, etc), but that does not mean I will say they did nothing, they are horrible people but I love them for it. And I love Earth, and the other female characters, for their flaws and the mistakes they make.

In short: Leave the VAs alone, creators owe you nothing, the female characters are flawed and that's okay, you are allowed to like villains despite their deplorable actions, and I hope for the sake of everyone working on these shows our fandom gets better. All of this coming from the perspective of an aspiring VA, Writer, and a woman. Do, Better.

[alchemyandmagic]

[TIME SENSITIVE] GOFUNDME LINK

Hi everyone, my name is Chase. I am creating this gofundme in hopes to help me, my fiancee Lily, my best friend Zoey, and our two kitties Mango and Cocoa escape out currently falling apart apartment by September.

The history with this apartment has always been sketchy, we learned in late 2022 our lease was fraudulent as our previous landlord hadn't disclosed to us that he was subleasing. When we suddenly got a notice that we might be facing an eviction, despite paying rent on time every single month, we ended up learning be was pocketing the money and ran. The property owners were kind enough to keep us in the apartment and sign a real lease, however unfortunately getting in contact with them regarding issues has been more difficult than it should be.

Since October, we have been dealing with broken windows, a broken front door (which only got fixed in May!) broken shower tiles and a clogged tub drain, shotty lighting, and other damage in the apartment. We also learned during that cold snap in January our apartment is not weatherproof for cold weather, it was around 30 F in my room near one of the broken windows before we had to tape everything up. This apartment has become a safety concern for both us and the cats, and despite repeatedly calling and emailing we have receive only one repair since October.

While I know we are more than set to cover rent, extra fees like pet fees and move in fees are a little harder to cover. I recently started a new job and went through about a month without pay, draining my checking savings and maxing out my credit card, I am still recovering from this slowly. My fiancee is frequently in chronic pain so working any longer than she does would take a toll on her, and when Zoey moved up it proved to be harder to find a job than she expected, so for a little while she wasn't able to help much with rent.

This combined with emergency expenses (hospital visit, vet visit, major repairs, etc) has put us in a place where we need a bit of extra help getting us into a nicer and safer place.

We are currently lined up for a couple apartments in our neighborhood, so as soon as we get confirmation we can move forward with one of these places we will be set.

[fulgurbugs]

OT 1 & 2 headcanons? Doesn't have to be about the main parties, whatever goes.

ok ok here we go, gonna use yours as the OT2 HC ask bestie

gonna throw up here an OT2 spoilers warning cuz of endgame stuff

First some throné ones because i have throné on the brain.

first off i think after her story is over she never wears a necklace like basically ever again. she does love dressing up, feeling cute, but no matter how well a necklace would go with her outfit she won’t add one. it’s just part of her newfound freedom that she can choose never to have anything around her neck like that ever again. all other jewelry tho… she’s got a lot of options to pick from for earrings, bracelets, and rings etc (that she’s most certainly not paid for)

also, i feel like Hikari and Throné, after everything with vide coming to the conclusion that they are actually distantly related to each other, have some kind of exchange where it’s like. “ok wait so im your like great great how many greats aunt or something” uhhh like a couple times removed or whatever. and at first its like weird to think about but they both have such like. idk. throne found out that her family was actually huge and extensive, and all of them were killing each other. her biological father is a monster. she was born to be a monster herself. her relationship with the concept of “family” is extremely strange; the man she considered closest to her actual father was a horribly abusive person but despite all that she was the closest thing he had, and he was her half-brother. Hikari’s family has a curse upon it directly related to being descended from D’arquest, and it’s been nothing but pain for him as well, causing him to lose control of himself, constantly worried he’ll hurt the people he cares about. his brother was a monster in a whole different way, and his dad, while appointing him rightful successor, spent most of his life as a warmonger as well. His mother is dead. his brother and father are dead. he’s lost ritsu, who at one point was like a brother to him. his own relationship with the idea of his family is not… good, in any case. i think they come to find some sort of solace in each other in that, after realizing they’re actually related. they’ve already come to travel with each other and trust each other… i like to think they decide they should just hand wave all the technicalities of how distantly they’re related and how weird the family tree would look and just go with a catch all “we’re cousins” or something.

Castti, while getting her memories back about what happened immediately prior to the events of the game, still struggles with remembering most of her life. it’s not something she really fully recovers from. she never remembers the faces of her parents, or if she had any siblings, her childhood, things like that. sometimes when she gets a flash of something, a glimmer of a skill she had no idea she was well-practiced in, or a remembered fact she can’t recall where she read it, she still finds herself troubled. she basically has to re-invent herself. still, she gets by with a quiet determination to always do right, with the knowledge that she at the very least, knows who she is now, in the present.

ok sillay ones….

Post game partitio starts picking up the guitar. i like to think once he gets good enough he records a song with agnea for the gramophone :P. also, temenos used to play the piano, but he’s out of practice (that one cleric in flamechurch is much better and actually wants to play it much more). he could pick it up again tho with a little practice

oh also ochette is a chronic unpeeled fruit mucher. she’ll just straight up bite into an orange and be like. “i see why some people don’t like the crust but i don’t mind it.” castti and osvald tails gets trolled face

[jazzy-dreamer]

MORE THOUGHTS AND DEVELOPMENT (If ya can even call it that) FOR MY DADTRAP AU

I’ve done a lil more hyperfixating researching, and I can now officially say I know almost all the basics about the fnaf timeline and lore!!! And I seriously mean the basics. To keep William/Springtraps goals consistent for this AU, there might be sliiiiiighty less child murder than there is in canon. Just an itty bit less. But who knows.

The AU’s story hasn’t all been figured out but I’ve got Springtrap’s character pretty much down!

Springtraps personality

Extremely low empathy.

Too much pride to admit fault.

Secretly hates himself 👍

Genuinely cares about his kids but sucks at showing it or even recognising this fact for himself.

Doesn’t understand people or how in the world they think and especially feel.

Despite not understanding people he’s a surprisingly great manipulator.

He acts entirely on logic and reason rather than emotions.

Is aroace (doesn’t know) and only got married to get his abusive parents off his back.

Probably autistic. (I didn't even decide this cause I'm autistic and want more representation. It's just the way I've written him that gives him super big 'tism vibes)

Feels closer connection to his robots than humans or animals.

Has chronic pain and fatigue after getting springlocked yay!

Has always felt disconnected from other humans even when he was one himself.

Has never had hot chocolate made with milk before. Only water. That's how you know he's a psychopath.

Story changes and William’s motivations

These are all just concepts and stuff might change. Right now almost everything plays out mostly the same as it does in canon. The pizzeria, the 5 dead kids that possess the animatronics, etc etc. One problem I’m having is what I’m gonna do with Charlie/Puppet. I know she was William’s business partner’s daughter, and William killed her, and she possessed the Puppet. But I don’t think anyone really knows WHY he killed her. And it’s kinda important I know for this AU to make sense- So either I’m just gonna have to come up with a reason that fits, or she just straight up doesn’t die. Most likely Charlie will still die and possess the puppet. We shall see tho! :]

The main changes in this AU will be Williams motivations and his actions. He’s still a kid murderer. But he doesn’t go killing all the kids simply because he can, or because he’s seeking immortality for himself, or any of the supposed reasons he killed the kids. My idea right now is Elizabeth, Williams daughter, was suffering from a terminal illness with only a few months at most to live (What illness I dunno but I don’t think it matters that much)

William wanted to be a good father for even just once and began seeking ways to somehow save her. He eventually discovered that someone could essentially be made immortal by stuffing their dead body into an animatronic, and they would “live on” with their soul possessing it. I’m not sure how exactly the idea came to his head. Maybe the crying child possessed Golden Freddy after the chomp malfunction and gave William the idea to test the theory some more. And he thought if it works, he can freakin stuff Elizabeth’s dead body into an animatronic and “save” her that way. As I said these are all ✨concepts✨ so there will probably be plot holes and plenty of questions of “how this” and “why that” But it wouldn’t be Fnaf without all that would it? gjdgfkfgfjh

Elizabeth will probably still end up possessing Circus Baby, but how she does will most likely be different. Maybe Elizabeth finally succumbed to her illness, William wasn’t expecting it this soon and he didn’t build any kinda robot for her ready, so he shoves her into Circus Baby without thinking while he had the chance, and that’s pretty much all I got so far!! :D

Changing William/Springtraps motivations affected the entire story a lil bit more than I was expecting but hopefully I shouldn’t have to adapt too much more-

I haven’t done anything really beyond fnaf 2 so maybe expect something past that soonish!!

[malwaredykes]

one of the effects of Being Shot In The Head that took leigh a hot minute to realize is that she found herself pretty much unable to experience proper emotions. though she cant remember her old self very well, she thinks she used to be able to feel things like anger, joy, grief, terror. now she cant even imagine what those things felt like, and cant for the life of her describe them using her own words. its like being told to imagine&describe being unconscious, or being an inanimate object, or being a large group of people at once. what shes left with in terms of available emotional states is: a chronic underlying sense of dread/anxiety, nagging frustration, and brief smug satisfaction at solving a problem or figuring something out (something that feels like the unraveling of a painful knot in her head). and a lot of the aforementioned anxiety stems precisely from not feeling things she kind of senses she ought to be feeling. its like she can see the negative space, the void left where the "right" reaction/emotion ought to be, and she can kinda work with that, but it stresses her out (which in turn is more of a physical feeling than anything else). despite her general Umm Reason And Logic attitude she definitely does not devalue emotions--they serve a purpose, and while they can impair judgment, they can also enhance it, by keeping a person grounded and connected to other people, and by providing necessary shortcuts that make it so anything gets done. it worries her that she cant feel angry on somebody's behalf when she knows a grave injustice was done to them, she can't even feel angry or upset when somebody wrongs her, and she doesn't feel scared when faced with obvious immediate danger. once again she cant quite tell what she was like before being shot, how in-control she was of her emotions, how well she could relate to others, stuff like that. but as is obvious by now, shes very susceptible to overt self-scrutiny. as an ocd-haver. obviously a big part of her drug use is just self-medicating, though she doesnt think of it that way at all (which too is one of her many idiosyncrasies). hell she doesnt even quite laugh at things that are funny to her, shes just like. ooh thats funny, thats good. i think in all of that she forgets that joy missing from her life also affects her a lot. things just dont really make her happy. she's curious, she's determined, she can tell when something would make her happy or ought to make her happy, but the emotion just isn't there. in this way, having her love reciprocated doesnt even quite make a difference to her--which in itself isnt true, because of course it would; even if she cant feel happiness emotionally, being held and loved and cared for feels good on many levels, and since solving problems still feels good to her, well, not to get overly poetic but love (any love; platonic, romantic, etc) is a solution... no woman is an island. the fact that she can feel love and attachment despite everything, even though its very difficult for her to identify or admit to herself or comprehend, is proof enough. leigh, you love your friends... yes, how it feels to her is the reasonable efforts to work together, to look out for each other, to satisfy biological human instincts for interactions and companionship, and to use ones influence in somebody else's life to improve it as much as possible, because improving things is an Essential Rule. which, all of the above is honestly kind of funny when actually described, cuz like, wow leigh you sure love to overthink things. miss r/iamverysmart. but she is kind of lost! she can still see and feel those negative spaces, those missing pieces, theyre all over the place. as is the mental fog, the hallucinations, the occasional seizures. some part of her sense of self was ripped away from her and she doesnt even know how to feel angry at the guy who did it.

[chickensarentcheap]

Questions!!

What would be the one thing Tyler could never forgive?

Does Esme ever find having so many kids overwhelming?

I know both Addie and Takota especially have shown signs of anxiety, do they worry they will always have to deal with it.

How does TJ feel about his mental health issues

Fun

Is there anything that truly embarrasses Tyler?

Is there anything besides Crocs that Esme wears that he absolutely hates?

Is there anything that Tyler wears that she absolutely hates?

Do they want to travel more? Where do they want to go next as a couple and as a family?

When they first started living together, were there any quirks about each other that surprised them? 

Does Esme have her own surfboard?

Has Tyler ever had to set his own bone?

Is Esme a crier over pain?

He could definitely never forgive cheating. That would be the one that would completely break them as a couple. As far as other people go, it would be if they betrayed him to those who hold grudges against him and would do anything to get their revenge, including hurting his wife and kids

The level of noise in the house and the constant running around for different after school activities, friend groups, sports, et,c sometimes does get to her. It's so very easy to stretch yourself thin, and she tends to take on way too much, even though she isn't doing all of it by herself. and did I mention the level of noise in that place? ;)

Esme and Tyler both harbour some unease about it, and worry about their futures. Both likely had anxiety themselves as kids (and for good reason) and never had it dealt with. In the end, they turned into undiagnosed adults with shitty coping mechanisms. They want better for their kiddos.

As he matures, he finds that his issues aren't as overwhelming anymore. He has signs of ADHD but has only been diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Medications keeps that under control, and he's very good at taking them every day. As he gets older, he'll find other ways of dealing with things and healthy outlets (like surfing, working out etc) to combat bad moments.

FUN

I don't think there's anything that truly embarrasses him to the point of no return (LOL), but Esme is the one person who can make him blush. He jokes about hating being called certain things (after all, he's big and bad and can kick major ass and doesn't want to ruin his reputation) but if she dares to say he's cute or adorable or she teases him about having the 'feels' for her way back when, he's totally turning red. Starts in the cheeks and goes right to the tips of his ears lol

His hatred and disdain are reserved solely for the Crocs lol

There is a grey knit sweater that she absolutely despises and wishes she could sneak out of the house and either bury it or burn it. And while she doesn't necessarily hate his collection of board shorts, she does wish he'd stop buying the damn things lol

They've been very fortunate when it comes to travelling. The two places they really want to go as a couple are Iceland (and stay in one of those glass igloo/hotel rooms) and Nepal. As a family, they go to Disney World every second year and so far, the kids haven't expressed in going anywhere else. They've taken them to Paris, to the Amalfi Coast, to Turks and Caicos.

I think the fact that he has those OCD traits and extreme cleanliness shocked her, because where he'd been living was a complete disaster. But that was a chronically drunk and hopped up on pain meds Tyler. The Tyler she got was someone working hard to stay sober and clean, so the 'real' him showed more. I think he was surprised at how organized she enjoys being. And how someone so small can be such a blanket thief. And of course, her talking in her sleep to the point he can carry on a conversation with her.

She does have her own surfboard. Pink, purple, yellow, and white stripes :)

He has, unfortunately. A few times. And he's popped a dislocated shoulder back into place too many times to count. Which (despite seeing him practically dead) freaks Esme out every time lol

It takes a lot of pain for her to cry over it. She managed to give birth to a ten pound, nine ounce baby completely unmedicated. As well as a set of twins. She has a high pain threshold for a tiny thing.

[clxudyxuan]

|| A Tale from Times Long Past.

The term " Crystal Clear " refers to something unclouded, unambiguous. It refers to something being absolutely understood.

Name: Crystal Aveline Uniole- but that's way too fancy. Or posh or whatever. Call me Crystal!

Titles: Princess, Second Heir to the Crown of Aveline, Lady Royal, Savior of the Astro Kingdom, etc...

Age: I'm 20 so far! Hah... I've never imagined I made it all the way to twenty.

Pronouns: She / Her.

Species: I'm a human, lol. But for some reason, me and my sister can use magic and all that. Neat, eh?

( Human, Subsection Witch. )

Text Color: Purple! It's my favorite color, hehe.

Notes:

#past!crystal refers to 20 year old Crystal, before the whole story goes off rails.

#crystal refers to 21 year old Crystal after the story does go off rails.

================================================

Height: 5'7.

Unfortunately, Hannah is taller than me. By 3 inches! 3. Whole. Inches. Can you believe it!?

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral.

Date Of Birth: 30th of July, Year XXI.

Place Of Birth: Weeelll... I was born in a hospital over here, so I guess my own Kingdom?

Religion: My mom is Catholic, so I guess I am too? I dunno.

( She's an Atheist unironically. )

Family Member(s): Oh! I have my sister Hannah; she's the best! She can do like... everything. Anything!! She's gonna be Queen someday so I guess that'd be expected... I also have my mom. We don't spend much time together, but she's also great!

Criminal Record: Erm... I guess destroying buildings? Look, some damage is gonna get caused if we're gonna save our Kingdom.

Skeletons In The Closet: Uhhh, I don't think I have skeletons in my closet. Hopefully.

================================================

Language: English. Just English, because Miss Crystal here did not pay attention in all her language classes.

HEY! You don't have to expose me like that!

Usage of Gestures and Expressions: It's more expressions than gestures. Crystal has very expressive eyes even if she's not pouting or furrowing her eyebrows.

Verbal Expression: Nothing noteworthy, although she does sound a bit bored all the time.

================================================

Physical Abilities: Crystal is not very capable at fighting despite her fiery spirit. She's awfully reckless with a weapon, and should never be trusted with a overly powerful artifact.

Eventually, she does come to a resolve with her sister that she'd use a bow and arrow rather than a lance. Although sometimes she does straight up use the bow as a sword than it's intended usage...

Magical Abilities:

Before she met Hannah (<16):

Crystal was not aware she was able to use magic, so there was nothing to be done about it.

After she met Hannah (>17):

Crystal eventually found out, like her sister, that she was a magic user. She doesn't specifically know she's a witch, so she doesn't really do much potion-making or hexing.

Her powers include Telekinesis, Gravity Control and Ice / Snow powers. Basic magic usages are also included.

Weapon(s): Bow and arrow, the occasional hammer ( For a certain bastard. ) .

Weakness(es): Basic human weaknesses.

Side Effect(s): Her mana specifically comes from her own stamina, and while her stamina isn't particularly bad, it still uses up a lot of her energy. As a result, she straight up can't use her abilities or her body will experience chronic pain.

================================================

Voice Claim: Marceline ( Adventure Time )

Moodboard: +

Songs: Good Time + Back to December ( Sped Up )

================================================

Personality: Particularly stubborn. Extremely insistent. May be a smidge manipulative. Is very cheerful and a hint juvenile, but… has very strong opinions on… certain things.

She knows exactly what she wants: and will do whatever to get it. Who cares about what the consequences could be: it's not like it'd effect her life anyway.

She's a princess. She had all the freedom and control she could've wanted, even without the powers. She loved being hailed as a hero, her name travelled wide and far. That rush of excitement was intoxicating.

When you are young, you never appreciate anything or anyone. In the heat of the moment, you never properly acknowledge all the work and hope people put into you. You never think of being in other's shoes. Afterall, why bother thinking of the future? How would that matter in the slightest?

However, beauty, youth, power, wealth: all these things only last for so long. You chase them for so long that when you turn your head back: the people behind you, supporting you were long gone. And yet... in the end, they left the best for you.

They loved you. Dearly. Sincerely. With all their heart.

Maybe it was all doomed from the very beginning.

================================================

Lore // Backstory:

Crystal’s earliest memories were of a dark alley, the shadows stretching, practically yearning for her to come in as a sweet yet haunting tune played. From where this tune originated, she had no clue.

She followed it blindly, her mind blank. Before she could even process what had happened, she had been swept away from the hall as she felt someone, carrying her over their shoulder, as they ran out the door.

Hundreds, maybe thousands of screams pierced through her ears, her eyes widening, slowly but steadily realising what was going on before bursting into tears, screaming alongside the crowd for her mother.

Yet wailing and crying was of no use, as she was forcefully loaded into some conspicuous cart, her mouth chewing on a piece of rope.

Out of fatigue, fear and despair, she had collapsed.

================================================

The next time she woke up, she was in… nowhere. The forests looked unfamiliar, there were no castles, guards or even a townsfolk in sight.

Crawling up on her knees, she wandered aimlessly. She had resorted to eating dry roots and berries to survive, as much as they were a complete downgrade from her usual meals.

Perhaps at a certain point in life, she knew no one was going to come and rescue her. To know that she was alone in the world, and that she had no one but herself to rely on.

Eventually, over the years, Crystal grew, her dreams of finally being rescued back to her home fading.

================================================

Almost twelve years went by since that day. It had been very tiring and long these past years. Resorting to various gigs to get by, her hands certainly weren’t… clean. Crystal didn’t even know if she’d make it past twenty really.

It was lonely, isolating and quite exhausting. Crystal knew, somewhere deep down, that perhaps in this life of hers, she was going to die alone. Maybe on a job. Or in some side alley.

But she didn’t want to. She wanted more than this. She deserved more than whatever the hell it is she’s doing now.

And yet. It was almost baffling and mocking how many turns life could give you.

…

On one faithful day, while strolling down a street with no particular aim, Crystal accidentally rammed into someone. Both their heads colliding with one another.

“Oh, oh my god. I’m so so so sorry! Here, uh, let me help you..”

Crystal was still rubbing her head on her forehead, her ankle throbbing. She was about to yell at the girl when she felt… familiarity with those blue eyes.

The girl seemed close in age to her, though she was clearly more well-kept than Crystal. In more ways than one. Her long hair was tied back in a braid with a large pink bow, her summer dress bellowed in the wind. Even she perhaps felt something off, her eyes piercing into Crystal’s, an eyebrow raised.

Crystal snapped back to reality, taking the girl’s outstretched hand and pulling herself up. She felt something near her ankle, but her brain was too clouded to realise it.

An awkward silence was followed. The girl tilted her head and analysed Crystal. She looked away.

“Do I… have we met before?”

“…no, no.”

Another silence was followed before it was cut through by a gasp. Crystal looked around, trying to figure out where the sound cane from before realising who it came from: the girl right in front of her, hands clasped to her mouth, her eyes looking down.

Crystal’s gaze followed hers, and took a second to realise her ankle had a blooming bruise. Oh so conveniently, the pain finally blasted through her daze as she felt a harsh sting in her ankle. Crystal suddenly fell to the floor, clutching her ankle wincing.

The girl panicked, taking out her purse and searching through for something. She pulled out a roll of bandages, hastily threw off Crystal’s shoe and wrapped them around her ankle and foot.

Crystal’s brain could not process what was going on as fast as what was happening. Some time in the future, she still couldn’t. Though… there was one thing she remembered fondly about the whole ordeal.

The feeling of her feet leaving the ground, as she felt a warm hands carrying her, their breath panicked, urgent. Despite the pain and pretty stupid predicament: Crystal felt a odd sense of comfort and deja vu looking at the older girl.

Like she knew her somewhere.

Crystal pushed it out of her mind as the girl, introducing herself as ‘Hannah’ to the doctors as they all showed some weird expression on their face.

Hannah. Hannah?? Ha… huh.

How odd.

================================================

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

personal rant (tw chronic pain, chronic illness)

i don't normally post stuff like this on here at all because i love keeping this space here just for fun fandom stuff, but today has just been so unbelievably shit and i feel like i just need to scream into the void about it for a moment to try and process.

basically, me and my sister had vip tickets to meet and see this band today who's incredibly special to us. they were a total lifeline for us when we were growing up, but we never got the chance to see them live. in august when we finally got these tickets over ten years after we both started listening to them, we were both over the MOON. it was such a special moment for us, but also felt like such a milestone because both of us have been through so much since we were those kids sitting in my room finding so much solace in this band's music together. it felt like such a significant thing to be going to see them all these years later, having overcome so much and both of us being in places now that we never thought we could get to.

anyway, fast track to today and i woke up in excruciating pain. some of you might know that i have some issues with various chronic illnesses/pain already, and one of the conditions i have is endometriosis. for anyone who doesn't know, it's an incurable condition where tissue similar to the lining of the womb grows outside the womb and causes chronic pelvic pain, fatigue, and a whole bunch of other fun symptoms. but it's biggest symptom, for me anyway, is the WORST period pain you can imagine. like, no medications can touch it, passed out on the floor for hours, screaming in agony kind of pain. i've lived with it for over half my life now and yes, obviously it affects me - but also i've got pretty good at learning how to manage it, and i have it down to like. a day or two per month where i'm incapacitated by pain rather than half the days. some months i don't get days like that at all now. i wouldn't say i feel good - a lot of the time i'm in pain and on painkillers/carrying around a hot water bottle with me when i'm at home etc - but i'm like. mostly functional. it hurts, but when it does, usually these days i can push through it when i really need to (even if that makes it worse later).

but today? today of all days, i woke up with the most excruciating pain i've had probably all year. i couldn't see or move enough to reach out to my bedside table and take my painkillers, let alone think of getting on a train and going to a gig. it's been over twelve hours and i'm only now able to sit up enough to watch stuff on my laptop for comfort and type this out (and i'm still in a lot of pain). of course my sister had to go to the gig without me, because there was just no way i could physically move to get there. and i'm just feeling so shit because although of course she was lovely about it, she was so nervous about going by herself and also really sad we couldn't go together, and i feel so much like i've let her down and that my body hasn't just ruined this incredibly special thing for me but also for her.

i generally try not to dwell on the stuff i can't do because i've learnt that it's NOT helpful, and it doesn't change anything anyway. i'm used to missing things i want to go to and not being able to see friends sometimes, working and having no energy left to do anything but sleep at the weekends. and most of the time it's okay, i've kind of made my peace with it. but on days like today i just feel so sad about it, all the things i don't get to do - especially things like this which are such special, once in a lifetime kind of opportunities. i know i shouldn't really complain because on the whole i've been really lucky with the things i've got to do despite my condition - i think this is the first time in a good five years or so that it's caused me to miss going to something really big like this, and i've got to go and see so many wonderful bands over that time. but this one... they're just such a special one to me and to my sister, and it feels like such a loss. and it just brings home how much this condition really does affect me - i've got pretty good at downplaying it over the years, but it's days like today where i'm like, no actually. this is awful and there's nothing i can do about it. which is a really scary kind of position to be in.

i don't even really know what the purpose of this post was other than to just let some of that out. normally i'd speak to my sister about it because she understands it the most, but i didn't want to let her see how upset i was about not being able to go because i still wanted her to have the best time possible and not be worrying about me. anway yeah, sorry to anyone who's read all the way through this, i know it's long and rambly and super negative. usually i'm able to take this kind of thing in my stride, but today it just really got me and i just feel so sad and defeated. i know in a few days it won't loom so big, and there are other wonderful things on the horizon that i'll get to do - but yeah. for today, i think i just need to let myself feel sad.

[cannotflyarc]

fogg's insane asylum for lunatic women.

disclaimer.

i am not a historian, just a girl whose had an interest in historical mental institutions for almost as long as i've loved this musical. as time has gone on, however, i've become more and more upset with the portrayal of fogg's asylum. the movie presents it as some kind of crack house filled with mad women ( all arranged by hair color? ) reaching out and grabbing at whoever comes by. the musical doesn't do much better. while what anthony said about fogg's isn't far off as to what the general public would think about them, "she's trapped in these with all those screeching, gibbering maniacs!" that's not exactly the case. i have been putting together headcanons about fogg's asylum for several months now. i've done extensive research on actual patients, i've read books, etc.

much of this is based on ten days in a madhouse by nellie bly. bly was a reporter in the later 19th century who was assigned to go undercover in a mental institution and report back with what she found. her expose can be found online as a pdf. the language isn't complicated, especially for the 19th century, and while it is a hard read at some points, i very much recommend it. bly interviews the patients and victims of abuse and learns their story. while some of the language is very much of the time, she actually understands the brutalities of a victorian mental asylum.

because of the nature of mental hospitals during the 1840s and johanna as a character, be warned that this meta goes over some very difficult topics such as: abuse of all kinds, torture, eating disorders, period sexism, mental subjects, miscarriages, menstruation, trauma, sexual abuse, illness, drugs, drug withdrawals and chronic pain. due to the length of this meta, i will put individual warnings over each section.

i will be adding onto this meta as i learn more. i don't know everything and there are some sections that likely reflect that. please bare with me as i learn. i do not condone the period attitudes towards women or those who are mentally ill during this time.

many thanks to darks for helping me figure out some details. thank you to misto and jasmine for your support and from keeping me from loosing my mind. thank you to so many of my good friends for supporting me as i wrote this.

despite my sometimes dry tone, keep in mind that this is a century different from our own. they did not have the resources and technology and research that we do know. they were doing the best they could with what we had. this does not excuse their abuse, but it does shed light on why some of treatments were the way they were. i want to give justice to a fictional mental hospital as best as i can. without further ado, fogg's insane asylum for lunatic women.

word count from this point: 6,980

introduction.

warnings for period typical sexism throughout this entire section.

ladies in their sensitivities, my lord / have a fragile sensibility / when a girl's emergent / probably it's urgent / you defer to her gentility - ladies in their sensitivities, sw.eeney t.odd: the d.emon ba.rber of f.leet street

women are often referred to as the fairer sex. the more vulnerable and emotional roughly half of humanity. it should come as no surprise that women made up most of the population of bethlem royal hospital, more often known as bedlam. it's not often you hear of a lunatic asylum made specifically for men, is it? more often there are strictly female asylums or the men and the women are separated into two different wings or even two separate buildings both managed under the same people. bedlam was meant to hold 120 patients, however, overcrowding was a frequent problem of the institution and there were many more patients on the waiting list. because of this long waiting list and the overcrowding at london's most (in)famous insane asylum, most hospitals popped up in and around the city. fogg's insane asylum for lunatic women among them.

fogg's was initially founded by dr. john fogg to compensate for the large amount of the mentally ill ( and homeless and unwanted wives and disabled people ) in london. fogg's is located a few miles west of london, just on the outskirts. this is pivotal since if there is ever an escape, it is dangerous for everyone involved if one of the patients gets into the city. this way, they won't be able to directly find their way into trouble and the police have a better chance at finding them. though this was mostly for the comfort of the citizens of london, who weren't exactly keen on the idea of a madperson running about their neighborhoods.

dr. fogg's son, alfred was the superintendent of the asylum. he was a businessman, not a doctor and introduced ideas to make a profit. this includes selling the inmate's hair. he left most of the dirty work to the doctors, nurses and other staff. doctors weren't willing to put up with the harsh conditions of the asylum and slowly slipped away, which alfred hardly noticed. he died a rich man.

jonas fogg was the nephew of mr. albert fogg. seeing the problems within the madhouse, he began visiting other asylums. this gave him brighter ideas to institutionalize fogg's. the patients would follow a schedule. the patients would be in uniforms. the patients would be divided into different wards accordingly. despite all these changes, jonas fogg is still a mortal man. he doesn't mind the sound of coins jiggling in his pocket. he kept the practice of selling hair, seeing to it himself to make sure that money went straight into the palm of his hand.

judge phillip turpin and jonas fogg met briefly at a pub. mr. fogg not being a stupid man made an agreement with the judge: if judge turpin is to sentence any insane woman, let him send her to fogg's insane asylum for lunatic women. into fogg's humble and loving care. judge turpin agreed and so began their arrangement.

entering.

warnings for period-typical sexism and medical topics.

"i found her! i found johanna! that monster of a judge has locked her away in fogg's asylum. oh, mr. todd she's in there with those gibbering, screeching maniacs!" -anthony h.ope, s.weeney to.dd: the dem.on b.arber of fl.eet s.treet

it is not uncommon to come across some wide-eyed, mysterious woman who seems to be distant from this reality and it is not uncommon for such a woman to find her way into an insane asylum such as fogg's. these poor, mad women need help. ( and they need to get off of society's perfectly straight cobblestone streets. )

reasons for being admitted included, but were not limited to:

learning disabilities

menopause

"domestic trouble"

women doing into debt and unable to recover from the trauma of that

asthma

blindness

deafness

postpartum depression

mental breakdowns

down syndrome

they were sexually abused

they were trying to go to a workhouse, but ended up here

being suicidal

violence

self-harm

grief

sex/sexual dysfunction

fancied other men than her husband

if you come across a woman that fits the description above, please contact the police immediately. they understand what to do in this situation. a judge may see to them and they will have the poor, mad soul seen before a doctor who will ask a series of questions. a standard questionnaire may include questions such as:

"what drugs are you taking?"

"are you married?"

"have you participated in any sex work?" ( although, in a much more dignified manner )

"where are you from?"

"is this your first fit?" ( meaning: is this the first time you've made everyone think you're a lunatic? )

"how old are you?"

"what do you do for a living?"

"how much money do you have?"

the doctor will examine the throat and tongue at this point. once the doctor deems her insane, the police will wait with the woman until an ambulance can arrive for her to take her away. one of the police officers will accompany her as well as a doctor who arrived with the vehicle. the doctor will do his best to soothe and ask any more necessary questions.

once arrived at fogg's, two men will be there to assist the patient inside where she will sit through another examination preformed by a doctor. he will ask similar questions to the ones above. he will examine her lungs and heart. the patient will be lead to a long hallway to be seated next to her fellow patients. thus begins her long stay at fogg's.

johanna experienced a slightly different experience getting inside. after turpin confronted her about her plans to slope with anthony, bamford had to drag her out of the house kicking and screaming as she frantically tried to get away. she was supposed to marry anthony on monday. instead, she was shoved and locked into a carriage as she frantically tried to find a way out of it. inside was bamford as her police escort and a doctor inside that she did not learn the name of. she was dragged inside by bamford and another member of fogg's security. after a brief examination which she tried frantically to escape from and had it not been for bamford's hand on her knee, she thinks she would've been able to get away, she was put into solitary confinement for the night.

solitary confinement is a common punishment in prisons and has been since what may as well be the dawn of time. humans are naturally social creatures and don't do well on their own. to be separated from any human connection can have devastating psychological effects on the human mind. this was also a common punishment at insane asylums. johanna was put into a white, windowless, padded room with a stiff board for a bed and no one around to hear her frantic pleas for help. she was allowed out in the morning. that long, sleepless night was only the beginning of her stay.

daily schedule.

"for i know the plans i have for you, declares the lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." - jeremiah 29:11

this old testament verse was written by jeremiah. in this chapter, jeremiah tells the jews in babylon to prepare for seventy years of captivity, but is a verse known for its hope and comfort; to realize that suffering has an end. this verse was inscribed to the front of fogg's asylum as a way to bring an idea that the suffering would end.

johanna thought it was ironic.

she wasn't far off: most women who were sent to fogg's didn't make it out alive.

however, she wouldn't see it until after she was let out of solitary. at about 5:30am, two nurses stomped into the cell. before johanna could realize what was happening, they stripped all of her clothes off, threw a uniform at her feet and left with the demand that she get dressed. johanna could only stand there in silence for a few months, unable to grasp what had happened. this was a different kind of vulnerability. with the judge, there was a hole in the wall. she had seen his eye peering through it. but these were women who fought against her weak protests and left her cold and naked. slowly, she began to pull on each of the layers:

a pair of holey stockings

an underskirt of coarse, dark cotton that fell about six feet longer than the actual dress

a cheap, stained, white calico cotton dress that tied with strings around the waist and fell into a straight skirt

asylums tried to be as self-sufficient as possible which meant the patients themselves sewed the uniforms. it is difficult to imagine allowing people who might be at risk of self-harm or have suicidal tendencies to be allowed with scissors and sewing needles. this was greatly overlooked or ignored.

once johanna dressed, the nurses returned to bring her to join a long line of the other patients. they stood two-by-two. each woman wiped her arms and face down with a wet rag before passing it to the next one --- even ones with skin rashes shared their rags with women with perfectly healthy skin. johanna got lucky and got her rag after a healthy woman, but watched in horror as others were not as lucky.

benches were brought in by the nurses. once the patient was done with their rag, they sat down when a nurse would begin to yank through their hair with a rough comb. johanna again tried to run away from the scene, but joined her fellow unlucky women to be met with the comb. however, one of the other nurses stopped the one with the raised comb at her hair. johanna's hair was obviously much healthier than the other's and could catch a hefty price for it --- and perhaps, if they were the ones to tell mr. fogg about this, he might allow them to get some of the cut when the wigmaker came in next. before the nurse could continue combing ( albeit, much more gentle ), johanna politely requested for them just to braid it instead, which was a rare instance of a wish being granted during her stay.

johanna was then rushed to another bench where she waited next to the other patients in complete silence. talking would get their ears smacked, as she quickly learned. they got back into lines of two-by-two before gathering into the breakfast hall.

breakfast consisted of:

a bowl of cold tea

slice of buttered bread, though buttered bread would be given upon request

saucer of gruel

food was almost entirely uneatable. the bread was black and hard. the butter made one's stomach upset. the tea was more of pink color. the gruel was the closest thing to actual food provided, but was mushy and didn't sit well.

despite how terrible the food was, the patients devoured it. they learned to be desperate as this could be taken away from them as a form of punishment. johanna looked away from her food for a second, needing a moment to close her eyes, but when she looked back her bowl and saucer were empty.

once breakfast was over, the nurses struggled to gather the appropriate wards back together and trudge back to their rooms. again, it is important to remember that the asylums tried to be as self-sufficient as possible. this meant the patients also preformed the daily chores. they were given assignments by nurses which included:

sweeping

dusting

making beds

at times, closing the windows

johanna was not raised to be this self-sufficient. she knew how to clean her room at home and the birdcage, but she swept in a confused haze and at a much slower pace than the other patients, something the nurses scolded her for.

once chores were done, they were served a weak and foul cup of tea. this was the most nourishment johanna had that morning. this was around 10am. new patients, such as johanna, were lead to yet another appointment with a doctor. she pleaded her case. she was not insane. she was not her mother. but to no avail. the doctor listened to her heart and to her lungs. he asked a few questions in between flirting with the nurse. the nurse measured her ( 155.58cm or 5'1" and a quarter ) then the nurse told her to get on a scale. this caused johanna to panic and make another attempt at the door. the doctor called for some assistance from the nurses in the hall, who eventually got her on the scale. the doctor said her weight loud and clear for her. after a few more questions and another look at her tongue and throat, she was escorted back to the room.

once tea was over, nurses passed out moth-eaten shawls and white straw hats. arranged into their typical two-by-two pattern, they set out on their daily walk around the premises.

this was one of the best ways to peak at the other patients in other wards at the hospital, but one stood out in particular: a group of patients tied at the waist with a nurse leading them up front. this was hall nine. that ward was located in a separate building than the rest of the asylum, having been built during alfred fogg's reign to be used as a better infirmary. instead alfred made the decision to house the most dangerous and most suicidal patients there. more on them later.

at noon, everyone was gathered back into the cafeteria. dinner's food included fish boiled in water and soup that was more broth than vegetables or meat.

after dinner, the patients gathered into a sitting room with long benches that had no backs. johanna was confused at first when nothing happened other than sitting, but when a patient dared to whisper about how uncomfortable the benches were, a nurse was quick to smack her ear.

from one to three pm, these mentally unstable, stable, or somewhere in between patients were forced to sit on hard, backless benches, doing nothing. as nellie bly said, it would make any sane person go mad. or any insane person go further insane.

the head cook for the staff would bring the nurses fresh fruits and dried delicacies for the nurses to snack on while all the patients could do were try to ignore their grumbling stomachs as they looked on, knowing there was good food, but they wouldn't serve it to them.

by 3:30 pm, patients were once again gathered into the dining hall for a brief snack of gruel. after this, it was back to their rooms where the nurses would put to work on sewing projects. johanna was rather good at this as she'd been sewing all of her life and masted how to make her own undergarments, nightgowns and could make a basic dress. it was mindless, quiet work, though johanna was used to it. the nurses, however, did not like it when she hummed to herself.

5:30 pm meant it was time for supper. dinner was usually a main course of some sort of meat such as mutton or beef and potatoes served with a side of limp vegetables or sour fruit like prunes and buttered bread, though unbuttered bread would be given upon request. just like with any of the meals, any food was fought for. sick patients couldn't stomach the food. healthy patients became sick from it.

evenings could be the most pleasant time of the day if the nurses were in a good mood. there was a piano in one of the rooms which the patients would gather around and request that other patients play it for them. once her fellow patients learned she could sing, johanna was frequently requested, which she obliged to. lullabies were usually what the patients wanted to hear. in some wards, there might even be little dances which the male doctors would join them for. the evenings were a time to feel like normal people again, enjoying the little entertainments that they used to before they had stepped foot inside fogg's.

at eight pm one bath nights which were once a week , patients were filed into bathroom, which was quite literally a bathroom. a large room filled with tubs for the patients. they were ordered to strip their clothes off.

johanna refused to. her body had been seen by too many people already, something she should have the ability of only giving that to whoever she trusted. the judge, the nurses, the doctors, everyone. she felt sick at the thought of all of these patients seeing her so exposed as well.

the nurses did not put up with this. they forcefully stripped her down as they had that morning. johanna quietly wiped away her tears of shock.

the water was ice-cold and murky from the dirt of the patients who used it before her. baths were only allowed once a week. the water was not changed between patients. the nurses would cruelly scrub away at the skin with a small piece of soap that somehow felt dirty. this soap was used on the face and the hair, as well. her skin went from turning blue from the temperature of the water to bright red as the nurse scrubbed. another nurse poured a bucket of freezing water over her head to get her hair. johanna was yanked out of the tub and another nurse shoved a thin shift over her while she was still dripping wet.

it was necessary to settle in for the night as soon as possible. however, it was nearly impossible to catch a wink of rest. night nurses would come in every half and hour, they would loudly gossip to their co-workers, their heels clacked against the floor. johanna could hear a group of night nurses talking about her one night. but it wasn't only the nurses who kept her up.

the other patients, for the most part, weren't mentally well in some capacity. they were deemed insane by victorian standards, though by today they suffered from depression, anxiety, another mental illness, some sort of trauma, etc. there was one old woman who shouted about murder and getting the police all night. another begged for god to let her die. one claimed to dream of her mother taking her away and said that meant her mother would be there today to take her home. her mother never came.

the windows were open. the beds were hard. the patients laid on oilcloth. the sheet they were given didn't full cover patients of average height. and then they were awoken at 5:30 am to repeat all of this.

johanna sang. while the other patients yelled or cried themselves to sleep, she knew the only way for anthony to find her was for her to sing. he knew her voice. that's how he found her the first time. she sang lullabies and the song the beggar woman used to sing below her window. she sang about birds and of the freedom she was so close to having. she sang about love and she thought of anthony when she mumbled those pretty lyrics of everlasting devotion.

he would come for her one day. she would marry anthony on sunday.

sickness.

warnings for sickness, medical malpractice, drugs ( opium skip the section on morphine and laudanum ), drug withdrawals ( skip the sections on morphine and laudanum and the paragraph under that ), blood ( skip the section on bloodletting ).

"she told me that she had just gotten up from a sick bed. her appearance confirmed her story. she looked like one who had had a severe attack of fever. 'i am now suffering from nervous debility,' she said, "and my friends have sent me here to be treated for it.'" - nellie bly speaking of mrs. louise schanz, patient at blackwell's lunatic asylum

sickness was rampant in such institutions. during nellie bly's stay at the woman's lunatic asylum at blackwell island for her expose, she befriended a young woman named tillie mayard who had suffered from a fever to the point where her friends believed she went insane from the illness. they sent her to the asylum. miss mayard was still ill when she was brought to the island. she felt worse and worse as time went on. another young woman got sick because of the poor food. the nurses tried to feed her more of this food, which she refused because she couldn't stomach it especially when she was ill.

even if a patient sought them out, it was rare that a doctor would actually listen to a sick patient pleading for help. the nurses would tell such a patient to stop and the doctor would seek them out later. they never did.

when a patient was actually treated for their ailments, they were given similar treatments to what anyone else during this era would have been given, although usually at a much larger ( and unhealthier dose ) to get the patient to be quiet. these included:

bloodletting: doctors would make a small incision in the arm ( at the elbows was common or sometimes in the wrists ). patients were given a pole to squeeze until a sufficient amount of blood spilled out. the pole allowed the veins to pop more. it was collected in a bowl, under the incision. this practice came from the belief that the ailment was kept in the blood. bloodletting allowed the toxic blood to be separated from the body, thus healing the sick person. the body would be ready to make new, clean blood to fight whatever sickness remained. barbers tended to preform this procedure, but as fogg's was low on staff, they entrusted nurses to do it instead of having to hire a barber.

morphine: this is a strong opiate found in opium. morphine could be injected to treat pain such as menstrual cramps, morning sickness, asthma, headaches and shortness of breath. because it's an opiate, it is also highly addictive. one study conducted by the lancet named it the most addictive substance followed by cocaine and nicotine. withdrawal symptoms are intense and go through several stages. a large overdose can lead to death, however under the circumstances in fogg's, there wasn't proper treatment for overdoses and the nurses would rarely do anything about it if they accidentally gave a patient too much. the first reported case of morphine being used as a poison happened in 1822 when edme castaing was convicted of murdering a patient with a morphine overdose. it isn't known how many patients at fogg's met the same fate either on accident or on purpose.

laudanum: this was the ibuprofen of the 19th century. ten percent opium with up to fifty percent alcohol, it was often mixed with honey or other spices to make it more bearable on the tastebuds and used to treat all sorts of ailments: menstrual cramps, headaches, toothaches, diarrhea and slowing down breathing. it would make the user feel drowsy and euphoric, as these are side effects of opium. the more a person takes opiates, the more that person will need the next time as tolerance will quickly build up. it is highly addictive and causes intense mental impairments where the user will seem to be in a daze and be disconnected from real life. laudanum had two main uses in fogg's: sedate patients and treat pain.

withdrawals would be brutal if a patient's body and mind began to rely on these opiates. they can be intense enough to cause death. it should not be understated how brutal these drugs can be, but it's also important to remember that they didn't have better medicines. victorians did the best with what technology they did have. in fogg's, nurses tended to take advantage of these to deal with the patients.

nurses were not properly trained. these were typically unmarried women who were in need of a job. they couldn't take temperatures properly and rarely provided the help their patients needed.

treatments.

warnings for abuse and torture throughout this whole section, hyperthermia ( skip the section on ice baths ), forced drugging ( skip the section on forced drugging ), forced feeding and eating disorders ( skip the section on forced feeding and the paragraph below it ).

"i would like the expert physicians who are condemning me for my action, which has proven their ability, to take a perfectly sane and healthy woman, shut her up and make her sit from 6 am until 8 pm. on straight-back benches, do not allow her to talk or move during these hours, give her no reading and let her know nothing of the world or its doings, give her bad food and harsh treatment, and see how long it will take to make her insane. two months would make her a mental and physical wreck." - nellie bly, ten days in a madhouse

this is often the most infamous widely-spoken about parts of 19th century mental institutions. the lobotomy ( a surgery used to severe connections in the brain's frontal cortex, which could leave the patient needing to be institutionalized for the rest of their life ) is a common example in the brutality of these hospitals. however, that procedure wasn't performed until 1936. nonconsensual electric shock therapy wasn't adopted until the late 1930s. fogg's, like other victorian mental hospitals, used treatments such as:

restrictions/isolation: this included solitary confinement as discussed earlier and the use of straight jackets. straight jackets were usually made of canvas and when worn, a patients arms would be wrapped around their front and the back would be closed so it was impossible to get out without insistence. straight jackets weren't given out to any patient, though. these were used in cases where nurses became afraid a patient might hurt themselves or others. or, in some cases, if the patient tried to escape.

ice baths: hydrotherapy peaked in the 1850s. several different "types" of baths were invented during this period. it was already becoming popular beforehand. there were certain ways of bathing for lower back pain, for head colds, for period pains, for labor in childbirth, etc. certain kinds of baths were believed to help the mentally ill or disabled as well. however, this was done without the patient's consent. later in the century, turkish baths were used to help patients. however, this did lead to an incident in 1889 when several patients were killed due to poisonous gas. warm baths were also used to calm down the patients or for melancholic ones, but this was less frequent to the ice baths. these were used for those were who "aggressive" or "excitable." a patient would be shoved into the bath, sometimes with restraints over the tub so they wouldn't be able to get out. the nurses would pour more of the ice water on them. they would be left there for hours. this caused some patients to pass out or even die from hyperthermia. there were other methods of ice baths developed, but this was the most common at fogg's.

forced drugging: see above under treatments in the sickness section. patients were frequently sedated to calm them down or if they refused to sleep. typically, morphine was used in fogg's. johanna was unable or refused to sleep most nights. eventually, the nurses interfered by having a doctor inject morphine into her veins. she became reliant on that to be able to sleep.

forced feeding: this was the last resort for patients who refused to eat. in fogg's, most patients who refused to eat were ignored by the nurses and wouldn't get any treatment until a doctor caught on. loss of appetite was common among patients suffering from melancholia and grief as well as some paranoid patients who because of delusions believed the food was poisoned. tube feeding hadn't been invented yet so force-feeding patients would be used with a wooden spoon. a doctor would place a wooden spoon in the mouth and gently rotate to a right angle to keep the mouth open, taking care not to break any teeth. another spoon would place liquid or semi-solid food into the mouth. beef tea, raw eggs ground meat, custards, milk, ale, brandy and sherry would be used to feed the patients. some patients who were refusing to eat would be shown the force feeding process which usually prompted them to start eating.

johanna was not given a chance to be shown this. since she felt like she had little control over her life anymore, this triggered her eating disorder. out of the blue one afternoon while they were sitting, johanna was taken into a doctor's office and force-fed. this was one of the most traumatic parts of her visit. it happened a few times over the next week which made her sick. she made a deal with the doctor that she would start eating again if that meant she wouldn't have to be force-fed. she began taking as little food in as possible without dying. she was afraid of the threat of being force-fed again, but couldn't stomach the food was that served.

abuse.

obvious warning for abuse, mainly physical. skip this section entirely if you are sensitive to that topic.

"there isn't much fear of hurting you. shut up, or you'll get it worse."  -miss grupe, nurse at blackwell's lunatic asylum during nellie bly's investigation

it cannot be understated how abusive fogg's asylum was. these places live on in infamy today because of the abuse that happened within their walls. medical malpractice and nurses who weren't properly trained led to many premature deaths. ignorance played a huge part in why the mentally ill were treated like prisoners and like criminals. the causes of mental illnesses like depression and anxiety weren't known nor were proper ways of treating them.

on johanna's second day, an old woman in her hall suddenly collapsed during their sitting hours. when she was unable to get back up, the nurses verbally abused her and hit the poor old woman. eventually, they grew tired of her "antics" ( her crying and begging ) and threw her into the closest in the room. all of the other patients could only sit in horror as they listened to the old woman sobbing and screaming to be let out.

a few months in, one patient eventually got frustrated with mindlessly sewing and asked if she could go for another walk. at that, a nurse pushed her to the ground. another stepped on her fragile ribs until two of them cracked. when the doctor heard, they told him it was because that patient had rammed into the wall over and over again while the nurses tried to get her to stop it.

but the worse of the abuse happened in hall nine.

hall nine.

warnings for physical abuse throughout this entire section, warnings for mentions of chronic pain, spinal injuries, drowning and choking. this section if you need to skip it can be summarized with: johanna was physically abused by the nurses to the point it left her with chronic back pain.

"...to be corrected when they're naughty and rewarded with a sweetie when they're good." -jonas fogg

as described before, hall nine was another building of the hospital. johanna was brought to hall nine after accidentally slicing her arm open with a pair of sewing scissors. she hadn't slept at all the night before since the nurses hadn't injected her with any morphine. she hadn't even realized what happened. a nurse went over, grabbed her arm and showed another nurse. they began to vaguely question her which johanna didn't understand since she delirious. the next day during sitting time, a doctor approached johanna with further questions and had her come to his office again. after a brief examination, the doctors told the nurses to bring her to hall nine. this was when she perked up. she knew what hall nine meant.

she argued with the doctor. the scissors were an accident. she didn't mean to cut herself. she wasn't suicidal.

the doctor ignored her. the nurses checked her into hall nine.

the evenings were spent sitting. they were not allowed to sew. she was not allowed to sing. the nurses were much more cruel.

there were several times, the nurses would choose a patient they hated for little to no reason ( they were loud, they attempted to hurt someone else or themselves, they talked to their neighbor, etc. ) since johanna was quiet, they had her watch the windows and warn them if a doctor was coming. she didn't know if she should let the doctor come save the patient or if she should warn the nurses. another patient allowed the doctor to come. when the nurses were caught, they quickly fibbed. that patient was beaten so brutally, if it weren't for another patient whose late husband was a doctor, she would have died.

two and a half weeks into her stay at hall nine, she suddenly broke down. the weight of everything she experienced so far came crashing down. johanna wasn't able to keep as clean as she tried to be. she was afraid of them cutting off her hair since she could easily strangle herself in it if she tried. she was hurting. she wasn't allowed to sing. she wanted anthony to find her.

the nurses pushed her to the floor and beat her with a broom handle. they jumped on her lower back, injuring her internally. they tied her arms and feet. they threw a sheet over her head, twisting it so she could not breathe. they threw her into a bathtub and held her under the water until she passed out.

johanna woke in the infirmary. the nurses nor the doctors told her what was wrong with her. all she knew is that the pain in her back was so unbearable that she could not move. she wasn't able to swallow well to the point where another doctor had to come in and force feed until he discovered that it physically pained her to swallow. she was given some helpings of broth.

the injury in her back is what we would call a compression fracture in her spine today. this is a type of broken bone that can cause your vertebrae to collapse, making them shorter. because of johanna's eating disorder, her bone density is much less than the average human, making them more suspectable to breaking. she was lucky that her lower back didn't break altogether. she was kept in the infirmary for a few weeks until she had a slightly easier time swallowing solid foods and her back started to get better. she wasn't exactly aware of this time since she was on laudanum for most of it to ease her back pain.

she has a very faint memory of catching a fever from the patient next to her ( since beds were kept close together due to overcrowding in the infirmary ). for this, the doctors gave her a bloodletting while they thought she was asleep. johanna was not. this made her panic, but was unable to protect or fend for herself due to side effects of the drugs.

this compression fracture causes her to have lower back pain for at least another year since victorian medicine didn't have proper back braces. wearing a corset once she was out both helped and did not help. it kept her spine straight which eased the tension on her lower back, but caused pressure at different points of her back.

once she was well enough to go back to typical asylum living, she was bathed and brought to hall four. away from her two and a half hellish experience in hall nine.

johanna.

warnings for mentions of anorexia ( skip the paragraph that begins with "refusal to eat" ), self harm mentions ( this is accidental self harm, but skip the paragraph that begins with "harming oneself" ), sexual assault ( skip the paragraph that begins with "mr fogg was contacted beforehand." ) and a discussion on weight and bmi ( skip the paragraph that begins with "johanna was ninety pounds when she came to fogg's." ).

"poor child. she needs so much correction. she sings all day and all night and leaves all the other inmates sleepless." -jonas fogg

turpin picked out fogg's as a punishment for her disobedience not only because of his agreement with the owner, but also because this hospital was designed specifically for women. with a lack of men, there was less of a chance she would disobey him again. fogg's would "teach her a lesson" but, as he assumed, wouldn't leave her so unattractive that he would no longer desire her.

bamford came four times. the first under turpin's orders. this was about a month into her stay. it was long enough that turpin hoped she would be begging and pleading to return home to marry him. johanna refused bamford's offer. despite her having been bathed an hour prior to their meeting and given a new dress ( as was customary --- they didn't want any of the visitors to believe their patients were being mistreated behind closed doors ), he could see the horror of her brief stay in her eyes. he left, shaken to the core. the next was two weeks later. johanna refused him again. the next was another month later. despite how skinny she'd become ( for a girl who was already barely ninety pounds ), she refused. the last was another month later when bamford pleaded with johanna to let him bring her back. turpin was upet, but most of all, bamford couldn't get the image of his little annie in johanna's shoes. he felt horrible about the abuse she'd suffered. johanna refused.

in 1863, a superintendent at the royal edinburgh asylum, dr. david skae developed a system of diagnosis of the mental kind. these included: congenital insanity, epilpetic insanity, insanity of adolescence, climateric insanity ( menopausal ), insanity of pregnancy, insanity of lactation, hysterical insanity, traumatic insanity, general paralysis and insanity of unknown cause, among others. the medico-psychological association made their own list: mania, melancholia, general paralysis of the insane, epileptic mania, congenital defect with epilepsy, congenital defect without epilepsy and dementia. since this wasn't about fifteen years after johanna was diagnosed her official diagnosis included:

female hysteria: a common diagnosis for this time. it could be sued for a wide variety of mental ailments such as postpartum depression, pre-menstrual syndrome, or if a relative wanted to get rid of a female relative.

refusal to eat: anorexia would not be officially made a diagnosis until later in the century when queen victoria's personal physician did a case study. her refusal to eat would be a sign of "insanity" and the doctors and nurses could use it against her. during meals if a nurse wasn't too preoccupied, sometimes she would come around to where johanna was sitting and mock her for her skinny disposition and about how little she ate.

harming oneself: this would be added to her diagnosis after the sewing scissors incident that lead her to be kept at hall nine.

mr. fogg was contacted beforehand. he was prepared to meet johanna the second day she was at fogg's. he introduced himself. later on, johanna would learn that he had a habit of being unable to keep his hands to himself. that was a fact she quickly learned. he took every opportunity to touch her, to proof his dominance and control over her. it was humiliating. later on, johanna would whisper to anthony that her frequent meetings with mr. fogg made her felt like she hadn't left turpin's house at all. his excuse for meeting with her at least every two weeks came from the fact that they were low on doctors. fogg knew he needed to keep johanna alive for turpin to keep with their agreement.

johanna was ninety pounds when she came to fogg's. when she was in her infirmary, she was at her lowest at sixty-seven pounds. by the time anthony found her, she was seventy-one pounds. her bmi at her lowest was 12.7. a healthy bmi for her height is 17. she was severely underweight. her bmi by the time she escaped was 13.4, still severely underweight. she lost twenty-three pounds during her stay and barely survived.

in the end of march, anthony was finally able to find johanna. bamford was right about to visit her again, but changed his mind after seeing anthony. johanna's plan worked: anthony heard her singing.

a day later, anthony disguised himself as a wigmaker. he came into the asylum and anthony directed fogg to where he saw johanna. she made no noise. anthony grabbed her. fogg threatened both of their lives. when anthony hesitated, johanna didn't: she shot fogg.

her nine-month stay in fogg's shook johanna to her core. it would be another long few months of getting settled into plymouth, trying to recover from such trauma and trying to live a normal life. because of her nightmares and her reliance on opium, johanna would struggle to fall asleep at night. she had an increased fear of doctors and refused to see any for the pain in her back. the next few months and years would be difficult despite her newfound happiness, but she would thank god every night for the rest of her life that she escaped. even if it meant she had to shoot fogg.

johanna would never take a bath or a good night's sleep for granted again. she is safe, but some nights, her mind brings her back to fogg's. she's beyond grateful for the support she has and her slow, but steady healing process.

[practically-an-x-man]

☠☮☯◉∇ for Ophelia and Madison?

Absolutely! Thank you so much!!

Headcanon Meme

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

Ophelia: She's not a particularly angry person as a whole, or really a particularly emotional person at all. However, when emotion does hit her, it hits her hard. She's either completely chill or angry as hell, no in-between.

Madison: For a long time, it was hard for her to even accept that she was allowed to feel angry. She grew up in the 50s, and so there was a lot of pressure to be the gentle, demure housewife, and that resulted in a vicious cycle of frustration because that's just not who she is. It's also one of a few different roots into her self-isolating streak, since she was taught that anger could only be destructive and wasn't a "woman's emotion".

☮ - friendship headcanon

Ophelia: She's actually very good at making acquaintances and passing friends, but not great at connecting with others on a closer level. Upon a first meeting, she appears intelligent and witty but not self-absorbed, so people tend to enjoy interacting with her. But things tend to fizzle out on a deeper level because she's so hesitant to be vulnerable or open about her emotions.

Madison: It's well-known that she's got a bit of a shell, but once someone breaks through that shell, she'll defend them through anything. What's less well-known is how quickly people actually manage to break through that shell - she tends to keep up the facade long after they've actually grown on her, so other people struggle to get a read on whether she actually likes them or not.

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

Ophelia: She hates protein bars with a burning passion. When she was in college and first getting into powerlifting and hero work, she practically lived off them because they were a cheap, quick burst of protein, but she ate them to the point that she got sick of them and now she can't touch them. She'll stick to yogurt or protein shakes when she needs that quick boost.

Madison: There are quite a few foods that she actively dislikes but will still eat - it started with her upbringing, with the idea that she had to be polite and refusing offered food was impolite, and while she was living in the woods she just couldn't afford to refuse any calories. It's something she has to train herself out of once she's at the X-Mansion, figuring out whether she actually enjoys something or if she's just forcing herself to eat it.

◉ - Any other question of your choosing

Ophelia: She once briefly considered patenting her removable actuator design, thinking it would be a good tool for people with mobility issues, construction workers, electricians, etc.. She eventually decided against it, since she didn't want it to get out of hand or for any Doc Ock copycats to pop up.

Madison: She's a very good climber thanks to how long she's spent living in the woods, and once was dared to try and scale up the side of the X-Mansion from the outside. She succeeded.

∇ -. old age/aging headcanon

Ophelia: Despite the fact that she'll definitely have some chronic pain from all the injuries she's sustained over her career as Argonaut, she actually ages quite well physically-speaking. She's already in the habit of working out, stretching regularly, and eating well (she has to be, in order to keep up with those who have superpowers), so she's set herself up to be a fairly active and flexible old lady lol

Madison: She's likely to have some vision loss as she ages, since the mirrorlike reflectiveness of her eyes means she has very little protection from UV rays (and she's spent so much time outside without effective sun protection in the past). It probably will set in late and develop slowly, since her healing factor will slow the process, but her vision will begin to degrade in her old age.

[weavingroses]

horny oc thoughts

feldspar - transmasc butch king 💗 dom-leaning verse. impeccable strap game. generally masc 4 masc. unsurprisingly very into leather & bondage & d/s. has a lot of dysphoria & body related guilt so almost exclusively stone top & often tops w clothes still on. would bottom only in a very emotionally intimate context and would only take anal.

tala - despite being an older oc i am still figuring out their whole deal because i made them when i was less secure about doing horny stuff lol. chaotic verse switch. the most important thing for them is the banter & back and forth. despite making a lot of flirtatious jokes i think they are pretty vanilla. champ of going down o7

ilona - oh boy she has so many issues. tala is the first & probably only person she’s been intimate with. i toyed with the idea of her being dom with the thought she’d be more comfortable being in control of what is happening, but i think she just needs to chill out and have someone (tala) just be gentle and sweet and slow and help her relax. she probably ends up somewhere pillow princessy lol

seren - the biggest brat ever lol. literal energizer bunny & rope bunny. very bottom but might pack or strap sometimes for dysphoria reasons. r

peregrine - doesnt have as much of a sex drive as seren but is happy to service their princess (or teach them how to behave, depending). idk if peregrine has bottom surgery or not after having kids, but probably uses a strap either way. when pere’s injury/chronic pain is too much, seren rides them. plus its cute bc. bouncing bunny lol.

mari - had a lot of really bad sex w their (eventually ex) wife so is having a bit of a sexuality crisis in their 30’s. probably is into the adultery and hate sex w cedar because he feels more actively desired, compared to their wife who was sexually manipulative & used mari more as a sex object than anything. probably lands somewhere top/dom leaning but does not want to be treated as a femme dommy mommy or whatever

addinell - using sex as a coping mechanism for the multitude of internalized stuff (similar to crossroads). has a bad perception of their own limits. into degradation & impact play but way more comfortable giving than receiving. wouldnt know what to do with gentle or sincere intimacy.

clove - service top to melissanthe’s (warlock patron) power bottom. extremely submissive & wants praise. likes edging and bondage but probably anxious/insecure with her body being touched. winter eladrin temp play.

artemy - dom top leaning & likes it rough. into giving/receiving marks (scratches, hickies, etc). wouldnt know what to do with soft, sincere intimacy. i havent decided if she’d have too much trauma to be into bondage but its sexy so.

[lunarfly-studios]

Cedar and Sasha wips

Kit's parents have been really fun to design/draw, so have some free wips before bed

Cassandra "Sasha" Headshot

Fun Fact: my mom had direct input on Sasha's design.

Her hair is currently undergoing different color options, but her skin and eyes pretty much set in stone

She's in her 50's so I do need to add some signs of aging, like wrinkles or silver hair ... but then again, she does have alien medicine assisting with chronic illness/pain, it could have rejuvenation side-effects that slow her aging/make her look younger, Idk we'll figure it out lol

She's meant to have a beauty mark on her too, i just haven't picked where yet

may play around with make-up colors

gross sobbing because she's so pretty holy shit

Cedar's Alien Design:

He's based on a mix between a butterfly, moth, and praying mantis.

Excluding a lot of exoskeletal parts, that'll come later lol

Despite being well into his 50's, his people stop aging after a certain points. They're like elves that way lol. So physically he's still roughly in his mid-20's

His antennae are subject to change, but they work for the time being. Yes, those are antennae. They're floppy. I may give them some fuzz idk

Not 100% sold on his eye colors yet. I'm fine with the pink irises, but i worry his schlera color may not contrast with his skin or hair well enough

Cedar's Default Human Disguise:

Cedar has multiple human disguises to suit any number of occasions and settings, including other alien races like Martians, Neptans, Jupitarians, etc

This form is completely human in every way and would even register as much with heat sensors and an x-ray. Only way to really figure out he's an alien is with a blood test, and you gotta really know what to look for.

He purposefully makes himself look older to match Cass' age cause it'd look weird if he didn't age with her lol

He retains his blonde hair out of choice, but it becomes something of a dirtier blonde

His eyes are SUPPOSED to be hazel (the kind that can look like a variety of colors depending on the lighting or time of day) but idk how to implement that effect lol

ponytails are still the bane of my existence, but we're getting there

Not pictured here is the bestial form Cedar can turn into as an absolute last resort because GOOD LORD I have no idea where to even start with that