#like she can literally cure anything?????

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Love That Burns ~ Ending 2 ~ 71 ~ Version 2

LOVE THAT BURNS MASTERLIST

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Word Count: 3,650ish

Summary: You take the cure and deal with the consequences.

Notes: Please send in reactions! Can't believe we're here. At the end. I am literally sobbing. I don't think I can handle this. I've never loved a series like I have this one before. HELP PLAN MY NEW LOGAN SERIES HERE. (new link!)

Reminder: I DO NOT do taglists. Please don’t ask. Please follow and interact! I appreciate any reblogs, likes, comments, and asks!

“Are you sure?” Logan asked. He didn’t want to risk it, but watching you die this way was breaking him.

“I’m exhausted, Lo,” you rasped. “And Laura’s right. I need to at least try.”

You coughed, ash pouring from your mouth and into the water that you were sitting in. Laura held you up and you slipped further into the water. She couldn’t have you drowning before the cure was in you.

“Is there anything we need to know before she takes the cure?” Logan asked Wade.

“No,” Wade shook his head. “They said if she takes it, it should activate her phoenix ability and she should be good as new.”

“I want my bed,” you rasped. “I’m not dying in this pool.”

“I’ll grab a towel,” Laura said, rushing away.

Wade and Logan helped you to your feet before Laura showed up with a few towels. She quickly dried your freezing body with one before wrapping you up in two others. Logan scooped you up into his arms and carried you to your bedroom. Wade and Laura followed. Laura quickly came around to the other side of your bed and held you.

“I need you all to know how grateful I am for you,” you start, knowing that this could very well be the end. “I don’t know where I would be without you in my life.”

“Sad and depressed, my Little Flame. I am your sole provider of happiness,” Wade joked, only to be growled at by Logan. 

You huffed out a laugh. “I owe you a lot, Wade. For finding this cure and for saving Laura and I. Not to mention, bringing Logan into our lives.”

“You can repay me by getting better, Buttercup.”

“I’ll try.” You turned your attention to Laura. “Thank you for being the best daughter.”

Laura shook her head, tears trickling down her cheeks. “No, I had the best mother. You didn’t have to take me in and yet you did. I owe you everything.”

“If this doesn’t work, continue being better than you were made to be.”

“I will, mom, I promise.”

You gave her forehead a light kiss. “I love you, kiddo.”

“I love you more, mom.”

“Impossible,” you smiled. You finally turned your attention to Logan, who was staring at you with glossy eyes. You reached over and took his hand. “Lo… It’s all going to be okay, no matter what happens.”

He sat down on the bed and gripped your hand a little tighter. “I can’t–  I can’t do this without you.”

“Yes you can, babe. Because this time, no matter what happens, you are not alone. Without me, you still have Wade and Laura. You need them just as they need you. You can’t walk away.”

“Darlin’--”

“No, Logan. You promise me that you won’t walk away. Not from them. Not from your family.”

“I promise, doll.”

“Good.”

“I need you to know that I never thought that I’d love again until I found you.”

“I feel the same… I love you, Lo.”

Logan leaned forward and crashed his lips against yours. He didn’t care who all was in the room, he needed to kiss you. “I love you, too, baby. So much.”

“You all stay together, okay?” You looked around the room at your small found family. “You stick together.”

“Can do, Buttercup,” Wade said. “Anything for our Little Flame.”

“And the cure… it will set off my phoenix ability?”

“That’s what they said.”

“So… it will kill me?”

Wade sighed. “Yes.”

“Okay… let’s get this over with.”

Logan pulled the cure from his pocket and opened it up for you. You noticed how his hand was shaking as he offered it to you. You took it in your weak hand and took a deep breath before throwing the liquid back like a shot. The burning sensation quickly escalated inside of you, causing you to be thrown into a coughing fit. Laura tried to steady you but as soon as her hands hit your skin, they shot off at how hot you were. In the time that Laura had known you, you had never been that hot. The bedding around you began to burn as you screamed out in pain. 

Wade yanked Laura away from you to protect her. Logan stumbled back as the flames grew, completely surrounding you. His heart was breaking at your screams, forcing the tears from his eyes. His claws slipped out of his knuckles as he fought to keep himself from going to you. He couldn’t risk it if this cure was going to work. Logan’s eyes clenched shut as you took a dramatic inhale and completely went limp on the bed.

“Mom!” Laura couldn’t help but cry out, Wade keeping her back. 

The flames grew in temperature and intensity. Wade dragged Laura around the bed and to the door. You were fully covered in flames now, unable to be seen by the others. Logan moved in front of Wade and Laura, to shield them from the flames and the sight. The flames grew a bit bigger for a brief second before completely disappearing, revealing your ashes in their place.

“Mom,” Laura sobbed. Wade turned her around and held her tightly.

Tears streamed down Logan’s face as he stared at the pile of ashes that replaced you. He stepped forward only for Wade’s arm to snap out to stop him.

“You can’t,” Wade said, voice cracking. “If her ashes are disturbed, there’s no hope for her returning.”

Logan’s stomach sank. He hated this. He didn’t know enough about this ability of yours that made you so different from the other you’s across the multiverse. And the more Logan learned about it, the more he actually began to hate it. But it was now the only hope they had in you returning. So he would make sure nothing prevented that from happening.

~~~

No one was allowed in your room. Logan had locked it. Laura hid away in her room, crying out for you. It was breaking Wade and Logan further to hear that. Wade was trying his best to help her, but Laura was pushing him away. She had begun to refuse to eat until you returned. Logan wasn’t happy about it, though he was only keeping down alcohol at this point and trying not to walk away from it all.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” Wade sighed as he slumped into the seat next to Logan at the table. “I’ve tried everything, but Laura won’t eat.”

“It’s been five days,” Logan muttered. “She’s gotta eat something.”

“Yeah, well, so do you.”

“I’m fine.”

Wade scoffed. “Bullshit.”

“I’ll go talk to her,” Logan huffed, pushing himself up and shuffling to Laura’s room.

Logan opened the door and slipped into Laura’s dark room. She was curled up in bed, clutching the dog tags and wearing her old purple sunglasses. Logan shut the door behind him and leaned against the door. He stayed there, silent, as he mulled over what to say.

“I’ve seen her go to flames before,” Laura rasped, breaking the tense silence. “I was so scared… My dad grabbed me and held me back from reaching her. He promised that she would come back and that we just had to wait… Thinking back on it, I’m sure he was saying that more for himself than for me… He would have never been able to live without her… I don’t know if I can.”

“Yeah… me either, kid,” murmured Logan.

“What if she never comes back?”

“Then, I guess, we try to move on.”

Laura turned to face him. “Do you think we can do that?”

Logan sighed. “I really don’t know, kid… But what I do know is that you need to eat.”

“I don’t want to be in a world without her in it.”

Logan understood the feeling. “She wouldn’t want you to suffer like this… Let Wade get you something to eat, okay? Anything. You just need a few bites.”

“Fine…”

Logan pushed himself off of the door and went over to Laura. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her head. “We need to stick together, kid. No matter how hard it is… I’ll let Wade know that you’ll eat something. Let me know if you need anything. I’m here for you.”

Logan had to take care of Laura now. She no longer had either of her parents, having watched both go through a similar fate. He would stay for her. He would try, no matter how hard, for your kid. 

~~~

Later that night, Logan let the urge to go into your room win him over and he slipped in when he was sure Laura and Wade were asleep. He collapsed onto his knees on the floor next to the bed.

“Baby…” 

Logan breath shuttered as he breathed in the word. It was a desperate plea in a single word. What his heart longed to say, but couldn’t find the strength to get out. Logan wanted—needed you back. He honestly didn’t know how he, Wade, and Laura were going to make it without you. He had barely known you a year and you had completely turned his world upside down.

Sobs began to tumble out of Logan, causing the man to tremble. He just wanted to touch you, hold you, kiss you one last time. How was he expected to continue in this universe that he didn’t belong in without you? Logan finally felt at home with you, like he belonged, and you were taken from him all too soon. Was he destined to lose every version of you he came across? Was he truly the worst version of The Wolverine? The one who could never keep you--Ember-- safe and happy. He was slipping back into truly believing that he was the worst version of him— in all of the multiverse.

“I’m sorry I failed you,” he sobbed. “I’ll do anything you want… Just come back to us— me, please… I can't take the heartbreak, my love.”

Logan’s head fell into his hands as he curled up and broke into even more heartbreaking sobs. His sobs were the first thing you heard as you gasped back to life. The ashes fell around your body as you sat up, naked and no longer covered in scars. Your eyes fell to the large seemingly indestructible man curled up on your floor, piercing your heart with his sobs. You reached down and lightly touched his arm. His breath hitched as he snapped up, eyes wide and swollen.

“Y/N?” He gasped, taking in the sight of you smiling at him. You no longer had any scars on your skin. You looked healthier and even a bit younger than he’d ever known you to be.

“Hey, Lo,” you whispered.

Logan lunged forward and wrapped his arms around you. You failed to suppress the giggle that bubbled up as he buried his head into your neck. You knew that this was no laughing matter, but you were just relieved to be alive and being held by the man you love.

“You’re here…” He mumbled against your skin. “You're alive… I love you. I love you. I love you.”

“I love you too, Lo,” you told him softly as your hands came up to card through his hair. 

You pressed a kiss to his head as he continued to hold you tightly and mutter things against your skin. Neither of you knew how long you two stayed like that until Logan finally pulled back enough to give you a kiss. You gave him full control, knowing that he was clearly needing to know that you were alive and okay. This was his first time experiencing your phoenix ability and you knew that it wasn’t easy.

“Please don’t ever do that again,” he begged. “I can’t handle it… I can’t continue on without you.”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, holding him close. “I’m so sorry… I’m here, babe… I’m right here.”

~~~

Logan couldn’t keep his hands off of you. He couldn’t get enough of feeling your warm skin under his rough hands and the feel of your regular heartbeat. He helped you slip into a cozy outfit before leading you to Laura’s room. He knew that he should have given you and Laura your privacy, but he couldn’t let you out of his sight and grasp. His hands remained loosely on your hips and you approached the sleeping young adult. 

“Hey, kiddo,” you whispered.

“Mom?” Laura rasped, waking up.

“Yes, sweetie, it’s me.”

“This isn’t some dream?”

“You’re not alone in that thinking, kid,” Logan chimed in.

“I have something for you,” you smiled. 

Taking a deep breath, you lifted one of your hands, palm up, and formed a flame. Tears sprang to your and Laura’s eyes at the sight. It had been all too long since you had done this, especially without pain. Logan’s hands gripped your waist tighter with nerves at the urge to stop you, though he had never seen you be able to make a flame like that. Laura grinned as she stared at the bright, flickering flame in your palm. When you finally let the flame out, Logan reached over and grabbed your hand, checking for any burns or scars.

“I’m okay, Lo,” you smiled up at him. “I promise.”

He still looked at your palm with a hesitancy that proved he wasn’t fully believing that this was all real. That you were alive and okay with your full strength back, which he had never be able to witness. But you understood that it would take some time for him to adjust. Laura broke the moment when she hugged you and you quickly hugged back.

“I love you so much, mom,” she whispered, growing emotional.

“I love you more, kiddo,” you replied. “So much more.”

~~~

Wade was asleep on the couch in the living room. You immediately knew how to wake him. With the slightest movement of your fingers, you lit Wade on fire. He yelped as he shot up from the couch. As quickly as he was on fire, the flames died out.

“What the fu—Buttercup!” He tugged you from Logan’s grip in a crushing hug that made you laugh. “Oh, how glad I am to see you again! It was getting depressing around here. I even had a dream where Peanut killed you because the cure required it and you never returned. Talk about a mood killer. But it gives me some good inspiration for my next fic!”

“Well, let me know when you’ve finished it and I’d love to read it,” you told him, pulling away.

“Really?! Oh goodie!” He clapped excitedly. “Wait a second!” He looked down at his singed clothes. “You have your powers back! I need to see everything! Can you go up in flames like Johnny or fly? What if we—“

“No,” Logan growled, pulling you back into his chest.

“I’m fine, babe,” you tried to explain, but it was clearly falling on deaf ears.

“No,” he repeated more firmly as his grip around your waist tightened. “You need to rest.”

You cranked your head around to look at him. “But I’ve been—“

“No more powers.”

You could see that he was terrified as you studied his eyes. It was clearly going to take a lot longer than you were initially thinking for Logan to get the hang of you being healthy.

“Okay,” you shot him a smile. “No more powers.” You turned back to Wade. “Sorry, Wade, maybe another time.”

“Why do you got to be a party pooper, Peanut?” Wade teased.

“This isn’t funny,” Logan snapped. “This is her life.”

“Okay, okay,” you broke in calmly. “It’s okay. I’m not going to do anything. I think it’s clear that the three of you need some rest. Why don't we plan to have lunch together tomorrow and everyone goes to get some sleep?”

“I think that’s a great idea, mom,” Laura spoke up, trying to help ease the tension that Logan was causing.

“Fine,” Wade huffed. “Guess I’ll go and make a list of things I want to see our Little Flame do when Mama Bear will let her.”

“Goodnight, Wade,” you told him with a smile.

He leaned in and kissed your cheek. “Goodnight, Buttercup. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Well, we do owe that to you. Thank you for finding the cure.”

“Anything for my favorite hero.” Then he skipped out of the apartment.

Laura pressed a kiss to your other cheek. “I’m heading to bed,” she told you. “Goodnight mom. Night Logan.”

“Night, kiddo,” you responded as Logan let out a grunt.

Laura gave your arm a light squeeze before she slipped into her room. You leaned back into Logan and let yourself just focus on being held by him. His head rested against yours.

“Do you want to go to bed, Lo?” You quietly questioned.

“I just want to hold you,” he mumbled.

“Then we should go change the sheets so we can lay down.”

“Too much work.”

“Then what do you want to do, babe?” 

Logan scooped you up, causing you to squeal, and carried you over to the couch. He laid you down and placed you on top of him. Logan then reached over and pulled a blanket over the two of you before wrapping his arms around you to secure you to him.

“You okay?” You whispered, pressing a kiss under his chin.

“I will be,” he replied. “Just got to remember this isn’t a dream.”

“We’ll get there, Lo. Together.”

~~~

You refrained from using your powers too much for weeks while Logan got used to you being healthy. When he wasn’t at work, Logan’s hands were still all over you. You didn’t mind it. The touch was grounding to you as it was to him. At this point, he had basically moved in, which you didn’t mind. But you could tell that it was weighing on Laura.

“Mom? Can we talk?” She wondered one day while you were getting ready to make dinner.

“Of course, kiddo,” you turned, giving her your undivided attention. “What’s up?”

“I think… I think I’m going to move out.”

“What?”

“I made some friends and they have an empty room in the apartment. They asked if I wanted it.”

“And is this the only reason why you want to move out?”

“I just think it’s time and that you and Logan need some space too.”

“Are you sure this is what you want? I will support you in whatever you decide, I just want to make sure that you don’t feel like you have to go.”

“I know and I don’t. I’m just trying to take the next step.”

You pulled her in for a hug. “I’m so proud of you and you will always have a room here.”

“Thanks, mom. I love you.”

“Love you too, kiddo.”

~~~

Logan came home from work to you making dinner with soft music playing in the apartment. A soft smile formed on his face as he came up behind you and wrapped his arms around you. He pressed a kiss to your neck.

“Hey, Lo,” you greeted. “How was work?”

“It was fine,” he answered. “How was here?”

“Laura’s moving out.”

You felt him tense. “What? Why?”

“She said it was time. A few friends have a room and asked her if she wanted it.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

“Bittersweet… I’m proud of her for wanting to take this next step but I don’t want my daughter gone.”

“She’ll be back. You guys can’t be parted for long.”

“You’re right.”

The two of you fell quiet as you continued to work. Logan began swaying the two of you to the music, pressing light kissed to your neck and face. Eventually, he tugged you away from your work and began leading you in a circle in the middle of the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” You giggled.

“Dancin’ with my girl,” he mumbled before stealing a kiss.

You melted into him before breaking the kiss and resting your head against his shoulder. The two of you moved in a slow circle until the song was over. Then Logan got to helping you with dinner.

~~~

Once Laura moved out, your wardrobe changed and Logan noticed instantly.

“Are you only wearing my flannel?” Logan questioned one night after work.

You shrugged. “It’s comfy and everything else is making me too hot,” you replied. “Plus it smells like you.”

“Oh, yeah,” he smirked.

“Do you like it on me?”

“I love it, baby.” He came over and tossed you over his shoulder. You laughed. “Let me take you to bed and show you just how much.”

~~~

As Logan got more comfortable with you having your full powers back, you began to tease him more with them. Between lighting and unlighting his cigars to setting his butt on fire for a brief moment. At first, it always caught him off guard and you could see the concern cross his features quickly. But, eventually, it began to cause Logan to smirk and chuckle and tease you back.

It was often when those teasing times led to sexy times. Which led you to where you were currently, naked and cuddled in bed.

“You’re so warm,” Logan commented softly, hands gently moving over your skin.

“I’m sorry,” you quickly apologized. “Am I over heating? I’m still getting use to it all again. I can—“

“No, no, no. Please don’t change anything, baby. It’s just… you were so cold.”

You nodded. “I know.”

“I’m so grateful that you are okay.”

“Me too.”

“I’m still struggling to believe it.”

“That’s okay.” You leaned forward and kissed the shaved part of his chin. “I’m here… you’re here… I’m alive… We’re okay.”

“I love you so much, baby.”

“I love you more, Lo.”

“Impossible, darlin’. Completely impossible."

~~~~

Notes: So, here we are my darlings. The final chapter in this series. Thank you for going on this journey with me. This series was so much fun to write and it was all because of how it was interacted with. I couldn't have made this series what it is without you. This series has been the fastest series that I have ever put out. Thank you so much and I hope you stick around to see what's to come. ALSO, there are a few more Everyday Moments one-shots in the works. So we aren't finished seeing Y/N and OG!Hubby!Logan just yet!

[indelen]

I really like this discussion and especially the idea that “Ezekiel” is some “Wizard-of-Oz-don’t-look-at-the-man-behind-the-curtain” charlatan and his whole shtick is an act. Maybe he's one of those guys who arranges seances with the dead to scam people out of money or is a “psychic” or a faith healer. Or maybe he’s a guy who sells ancient cure alls or elixirs or powdered mummies or fake saint relics. In a post-Enlightenment era there was a lot of scientific progress but also a rise in a lot of spiritual or superstitious beliefs that a lot of people exploited. Maybe he was just close enough to death to fear and despise it and his spirit never moved on.

Because if Ezekiel really was 2000 years old from some place outside of modern UK, would he be able to communicate, and especially with a 5yo? Would he even be able to speak English?

Also I agree with the point that what Ezekiel’s source doesn't matter, but also I think it kind of does from a writing perspective. Ezekiel exists to be in contrast to Skull and i think it’s significant for writing purposes that his source is not his remains but a bracelet that literally manacles Marissa to him. With Skull, what you see is what you get, he’s a skull that was found in a sewer and sealed in a jar. His source is trapped, very unpleasant, but also very straightforward - just like Skull himself. There’s an ugly truth about him that is reflected in how he manifests on the other side (bare feet, worn down clothes) and in real life (a literal bare and cracked human skull). We know just as little about Skull’s past and how he died but somehow, just by where and how he was found and what the source is, we get a way better picture of the sort of life he must have had and the sort of person he was.

And if we look at Ezekiel, what his source is also kind speaks to who he is both on the other side and in the real world - he is a shiny manacle, beautiful but deceitful - he’s concealed, everything about him is obscured and uncertain. Marissa never saw his remains, she never saw anything that’s actually a part of him and I think Stroud wrote it that way intentionally. She found something outwardly valuable and precious but with a sinister and ugly nature and it became attached to her. Nothing about Ezekiel can be trusted. Nothing about him is real. I think that’s kind of the point.

Sources that are not just human remains tend to speak to some quality of the deceased visitor’s nature. The miserly man’s source is money. A cannibal’s source is a jar of human teeth. A manipulator’s source is an ostentatious costume tiara. So I think a valuable but vague bracelet that could come from anywhere is similar to all of these - it's shorthand that speaks to the nature of the visitor to the audience. No, it doesn't really matter what the story behind the bracelet is, but I also think it matters that it is a bracelet with no backstory, if that makes any sense?

Have you listened to our latest podcast episode about Ezekiel? We don't compare him to any Lord of the Rings or Disney characters, but maybe we should have.

Listen on Spotify

Listen on Apple

Listen on Amazon

And here's a transcript, because we love you.

[hollow-l1es]

has anyone talked about how OP mirabel’s mom is from encanto

[m0nsterteeth]

Not only is my therapist hella supportive of my weird ass goal in therapy to learn shapeshifting (in whatever ways are feesable but especially in dreams) and is cool with all the negative thoughts being a monster comes with (daydreaming about hurting and eating people as a monster doesn’t make me a bad person), but they are roping in a literal shaman to help me out. That’s only part of the reason why, I’m also plagued with sleep hallucinations that are distressing (these are unaffected by my antipsychotics directly as it isn’t psychosis so I’m not gonna request med changes). That is probably the more pressing matter for them but I will be sure to tie it back to my desperate need to be a monster. I need to figure out how to satisfy this need for my mental wellbeing. I want it so bad I have literally offered my soul to entities I perceive as real and evil, hell I do it completely unprompted at times. The fact that I believe it is real and do potentially dangerous things is alarming to me when awake and have my wits about me. It’s essentially like I am drunk and wandering up to random people with a weird request. Some have gently told me they can’t do that, some are rude and tell me horrible things about me and why I don’t deserve to be happy.

Part of this is being billed to my insurance company, which is funny to me, do have to pay the shaman but my therapist is so cool they are not charging me for their time even though it is over the hour limit. They are helping me out because they care/worry about me and it is very nice to feel supported.

[jackass-jones]

Hypothetically should I play p3 reload with the femc mod like does anyone know if it’s good? It certainly LOOKS good but I wanna know if it’s essentially just portable with good visuals or if it’s reload but with kotone instead cuz if it’s the latter I am not interested

[the-promise-has-been-made]

Timis is the funniest character concept actually. She's a fairy. She's an alchemist without equal. She can make potions that cure literally anything. But that's just her hobby. Her day job is makeup artist. She makes cosmetics and beauty products. She has the monopoly on the market. Her lab has stained glass windows of HERSELF. Like she's the Jesus of makeup artists. She spoke to us ten minutes ago but acts like we haven't seen each other in 15 years.

[inkskinned]

so while i was writing the book, i became violently suicidal.

this was mostly due to the fact that i had a very bad reaction to some meds and my brain stopped producing any serotonin. also i was in the last semester of grad school where it's actually illegal to feel anything but dread. so it wasn't going well.

somewhere in the fog of it i became aware i needed help. nobody was taking clients or my insurance. i didn't want to do inpatient care - it wasn't right for my needs. there's not really an "in between" stage between "inpatient" and "no care," but i was trying to do the right thing. i was trying to activate the chain of command that was my emergency plan. i knew i needed help now.

i used betterhelp.

i know, i know. i'm a straight-A student and so smart and so clever, how could i ever use something so blatantly bad. to be honest with you, i didn't feel particularly keen on it from the getgo - things that seem too good to be true usually are. also, if something online is free, the price is usually your privacy.

the thing is that there was kind of a global pandemic happening at the time and i worked 5 jobs alongside of being a fulltime student and also like writing a book on the side. it is a miracle that i even thought about getting help. i would love to tell you i had the mental wherewithal to like, process whether this was the right choice for me. mostly i was desperate. i was so suicidal that i was trying to find a reason to stay inside of fortune cookies. i was the kind of suicidal that looks like splatterpaint. i hadn't been that bad in an entire decade.

they took my data. i gave them it freely. somewhere out there, they have a dossier on me. on everything i survived. my story in little datapoints, scattergraphed beautifully.

the first woman told me that really i should be grateful, because (and this is a direct quote): "at least you're not anne frank." i said that i felt that statement was antisemitic, as anne frank's life and experience shouldn't be compared to like, a nonbinary lesbian in western massachusetts. the therapist said that i should try to use lucid dreaming to try to picture myself in an actually scary situation, like running from nazis.

i applied for another therapist. i was willing to accept the possibility that there was a bad apple in the bunch. the next therapist and i even laughed about how inappropriate that statement was. and then, in our next session: the new therapist said if i was struggling with body image issues, i should just work harder on my appearance. she spent 3 sessions in a row talking about how she was grieving, and made me memorize facts about her grandmother so "she can live on through my clients."

i am a three's-a-charm kind of person. okay, so what if the last person made me uncomfortable. i figured it was just a misunderstanding of priorities - she had felt she was sharing with me, i had felt like i had to take care of her. i applied for another therapist.

the last woman asked me to help her pray. she bowed her head. i stared at her, frozen, while she said: lord, i beg you: cure her. take the pain of being gay away from her.

i spent somewhere between 2.5 and 3 months on betterhelp. in that whole time, i was not getting the professional help i so desperately needed, even though i was fucking trying.

in the end, i survived this because i finally could get off the meds that were literally killing me. a request for a real therapist finally went through. i survived because my friends saved my life. because nick let me sob myself dry in his arms. because maddie took the razors out of my room when i asked them to. because grace slept over in my bed for like 3 weeks in a row since nobody trusted me not to hurt myself when i was alone. i survived because i got fucking lucky. because even when i was desperately suicidal, i was too old and too self-aware to take "you need to be prettier" as good advice.

the thing is that there's a 19 year old me who isn't like that. who would have heard "just think about how grateful you should be" and said - oh, i see. i would have assumed that is what it means to be in therapy: the same thing my abusers used to tell me. that i am just pretending and lazy. that i am ugly and unworthy.

betterhelp positioned itself to take advantage of an incredibly vulnerable community. it preys on desperation. it knows it is serving people who are not doing well mentally. it saw that there is a huge need for real, immediate, compassionate mental health care: and then it fucking takes your money and privacy.

i still get their ads on instagram. last night i watched as a woman in a pool pretends to talk to a different woman. they discuss her anxiety.

there's a 19 year old version of me, and she didn't survive this. she was too tired, and drowning. i almost fucking died. this thing almost fucking killed me.

in the ad, the woman playing the therapist takes a note on a clipboard and then nods once, sagely.

i have to admit it's a pretty scene. the steam and light coming off the pool water lands on the actresses. like this, it almost looks baptismal, holy.

[spiderfunkz]

HYUN-JU x SHORT!READER

pairings. cho hyun-ju x f!reader

author's note: if u wanna see an x tall!reader click here. as always, my requests for hyun-ju are open! just be sure to read this before sending me an ask🫶🏻 also i've been wanting to write for kang dae-ho, so pleasee send me some ideas for him!!

▸ we love to see a cute height difference in a relationship. hyun-ju's tall, 6ft-ish. she towers over you, you find it intimidating but she finds it funny, how you look so tiny from her perspective.

▸ she treats you like a princess. i believe her love language is acts of service & quality time. she loves being around you and loves spending time with you.

▸ i don't think the height difference would make a huge change in the relationship, but it definitely shows subtly.

▸ like how you have to go on your tippy-toes when you kiss her, how you're usually the small spoon during cuddles, and when hyun-ju's the small spoon your legs hang a little.

▸ it's cute for sure. since she's taller she'll appear more dominant, through her actions you could totally see that.

▸ how she rushes to open doors for you, she'll spoil you with whatever you want; flowers, matching necklaces, rings, or just anything you bat an eye at, hyun-ju gets it immediately. she lends you her coat when you're cold, even if it's oversized on you, she thinks it's adorable.

▸ you of course repay it, in your own way. giving her kisses while cupping cheeks, her hands holding your waist, giving you support as you try to get to her height— kissing her until your lipstick stains her face.

▸ since your clothes are smaller than hers, you share your jewelry or items with her. your purse with the keychain she gave you, a necklace with a pretty butterfly, anything!

▸ if you see her like a specific item— "you wanna keep it? looks really good on you, hyun. so pretty."

▸ most of the sweaters you wear are hers, it's scented like her and it's engraved in your head. it gives you warmth and comfort.

▸ hugs with her are the best. it can cure you like medicine.

▸ when cuddling, she'll let you lay on her chest, hearing her heartbeat while you both stay in comfortable silence. it's one of her favorite moments during the night, just peaceful quiet with the occasional soft whispers from you.

▸ after a long day, she loves to lay her head on yours. and you'd lay your head on her shoulder. it makes for a sweet and genuine moment.

▸ she basically treasures you. that's how all relationships should make you feel, treasured.

▸ if you ever get picked on for your height, i'll say it again— hyun-ju can be really intimidating. like really, really, really intimidating.

▸ ouhhhh, AND SHE'S STRONG. sorry, i just had to mention that. you've basically hit the jackpot.

▸ that also means she can carry you anywhere, regardless of your height or weight. this is what i mean when i say she treats you like a princess. she'll literally pick you up just to tease you, she knows how flustered you can get.

▸ you know how to pick up as well, as in "pick up lines". you're quick with it too. oh and, hyun-ju blushes from her ears. it's just a tiny thing to notice, but it's so cute.

▸ you two would just be the sweetest duo. with the multiple vases full of fresh flowers in your home, framed photos of each other, the 0.5 pictures hyun-ju has saved of you on her phone (she has a whole album for it), the surprised dates. she'd just be so lovely and fun.

[mclqren]

ME AND MY BROKEN HEART ★ CL16 ( & MV33 )

PAIRING ✦ charles leclerc x fem!ex girlfriend!reader ; max verstappen x fem!reader

SUMMARY ✦ when charles leaves you heartbroken, you end up letting a certain red bull driver help mend your broken heart [ SMAU ]

WARNINGS ✦ cursing

REQUESTED ✦ here!

NOTES ✦ reader is a model for dior. for the timeline of this, reader & charles broke up in august 2023 and he got with another woman (choosing to leave her unnamed because there will be NO alex slander) in september 2023. as per request, the fc i've used is hannah harrell, but feel free to picture whoever you want! my requests are closed at the moment.

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liked by yourbsf, anyataylorjoy, and 691,221 others

yourusername had to learn that the hard way 👎

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user1 THE LAST SLIDE WHAT.

user2 NO WAY ARE HER AND CHARLES BROKEN UP NOOO

user3 MY FAV COUPLE 💔

user4 the way im so upset rn is not healthy.

user5 real like THEY WERE PARENTS

user6 okay but y/n is still glowing??

user7 righttt!! enough about the guy who drives in circles all day, lets talk about HER 😍

user8 he fumbled.

user9 realll!

yourbsf making that cake was wayyy too much fun 😋

yourusername breaking it apart was even better 😉

anyataylorjoy 😍😍

yourusername who needs a man when i have you 🩷

liked by yourbsf, maxverstappen1, and 651,212 others

tagged yourbsf

yourusername greek air to cure the breakup blues 🇬🇷💙

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user14 OKAYYY MISS Y/N YOU ARE SERVING AS PER!!

user15 she's living her best life and im HERE FOR IT

user16 her and her bsf are actually everything to me

user17 so trueee i need a friendship like theirs!!

user18 NOO I WAS JUST IN GREECE I CANT BELIEVE I MISSED YOU

user19 NO I WAS AS WELL I WAS SO UPSET WHEN I SAW THIS

user20 bet charles is missing you rn!!

user21 who cares abt charles? she's literally getting over him rn, he's so yesterday's news 😴

user22 what part did you go to?? im planning on going over the holidays in october, and i desperately need some recs!! 🫶

yourusername crete!! it was so so beautiful, can confirm 🩷

user23 one driver out of her likes, another (max verstappen) in her likes

user24 okay but they'd be such a good couple??

yourbsf GIRLS TRIP WAS THE BESTTT

yourusername NEXT ONE PENDING FOR SUREEE

mariloublg_ absolutely gorgeous gorgeous girlies 😍😍

yourusername MARILOU MY ANGEL 🩷

user25 i came here from the instagram gossip website and can i just say in that interview you SERVED

user26 REALLL

user27 wait what are you guys on about?? im so lost HELP

user26 go on @/f1wagnews and you'll see!

liked by user28, user29, and 871,291 others

f1wagnews NEW: Y/N L/N breaks her silence on the circulating paparazzi pictures of Charles Leclerc & his apparent new girlfriend. When asked by the media what she thought, she said: "Charles being in a new relationship not even a month later is naturally a shock, seeing as I assumed he would treat me and the times we shared over the past three years with the same dignity and respect that I am treating him. I don't know, I guess these sort of memories aren't as priceless to him as they are to me. Still, I hope he's happy in his new relationship."

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user28 OKAYY MISS Y/N IS BACKK!!

user29 THIS is what i was waiting for.

user30 she is actually handling this really maturely to be fair to her!!

user31 realll!! i wish i would've been like this with my ex

user32 okay so a lot of the comments are saying she handled this w grace or whatever but is it just me who disagrees? like she's literally being rude to him and his new girlfriend, and you're all hyping her up?? like huh??

user33 honestly this comment makes no sense to me; she didn't say anything rude about charles in this, she simply said that she was shocked to see him in a relationship when they were together for three years, and honestly she's valid for that! i don't think many girls would enjoy seeing their ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend all over the media, and so y/n is honestly handling this so well.

yourusername

( caption one: crazy huh 😉 | caption two: compensation acquired ✅ + tags )

liked by mariloublg_, maxverstappen1, and 667,891 others

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yourusername america with my girl 🩷 (& her boyfriend...)

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user37 THE CAPTION LMAOO

user38 Y/N REMAINS HILARIOUS

user39 ASTON MARTIN SWITCH UP HELLOOO??

user40 I KNOWW marilou and her are so cute though i loveee

user41 it's so weird to see her in green after having seen her in red for the past three years

user42 i knowww but she looks like she's happy now and that's all that matters tbh!!

lance_stroll thanks so much for the shoutout y/n, appreciate you too i guess

yourusername listen stroll if you hurt her i'll be at ur doorstep.

lance_stroll im actually sort of scared of you at times y/n.

yourusername good! 😊😊

maxverstappen1 so you liked seeing me win then?

yourusername you've been winning since like the prehistoric ages mate i think ive gotten used to it by now 🙄 (yes)

user43 so like is it just me or is this flirty...

mariloublg_ MY GIRL FOREVERRR 🫶

yourusername 🩷🩷

liked by yourbsf, maxverstappen1, and 702,192 others

tagged maxverstappen

yourusername second slide is me when i finally manage to get my shit together

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user44 OKAY BUT ARE MAX AND Y/N DATING ORRR

user45 MAYBEEE!! honestly they'd be so cute i just KNOW he'd treat her right

user46 y/n you are my everything.

user47 the flowersss?? did miss y/n get herself another man?

user48 has to be max.

maxverstappen1 the second slide was uncalled for. ☹️

yourusername I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING IM SO SORRY IT WAS HILARIOUS 😭

maxverstappen1 the flowers ���👀

yourusername yeah!! wonder who got me those 😍

anyataylorjoy you have a man now? ☹️

yourusername nooo ur the only one i need baby i swear 🩷

liked by mariloublg_, user49, and 921,933 others

f1wagnews NEW: Y/N L/N is a WAG again...but for a different driver on the grid! In a recent interview during the Las Vegas Grand Prix, Max Verstappen confirmed to the press that he and Y/N had entered a relationship a couple of weeks prior, after pictures circulated of the two in his car in Monaco: "Well obviously she came to the COTA grand prix and I had already known her before and we were good friends, so we fell right back where we left off, and here we are now! [...] Yeah things are going great, she's truly one of the best people I've ever met."

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user49 Y/NSTAPPEN LETS GOOOO

user50 MY GIRL IS A WAG AGAINNN I LOVE

user51 is it just me who misses charles and y/n ☹️

user52 yeah. 😊

mariloublg_ ❤️❤️

user53 MARILOUUUU?? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!!

user54 ONE OF Y/N'S BEST FRIENDS AND FELLOW WAG COMMENTING OH ITS SERIOUS.

user55 they are seriously adorableee 🫶🫶

yourusername

( caption one: third time's the charm? 😬 | caption two: wtf is this man thinking about now. )

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yourusername MR WORLD CHAMPPP!! so so proud of you maxie, my winner always 🩷

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user59 Y/N AWWWW

user60 i have a feeling this one's working out idk

user61 oh absolutely

user62 so happy to see you happy again y/n!! 🫶🫶

user63 lost some race driver and came back with a world champion 🏆🏆

user64 ADORABLEEE

mariloublg_ MY CUTIES

yourusername OUR BIGGEST FAN

mariloublg_ well as your fairy godmother it IS an obligation to be ur biggest fan ever 🧚‍♀️🧚‍♀️

maxverstappen1 love you ❤️

yourusername my champ 🏆

charles_leclerc so happy for both of you ❤️

yourusername thank you so much charles, hope ur doing well w ur gf 🩷

user65 charles and y/n are talking again, i can officially sleep in peace.

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[ms-demeanor]

are there really chiropractors out there right now who are claiming they can treat all that stuff?? im really actually asking because ive never seen anything like that at all, but obviously i might just be really lucky. i constantly see people saying chiropractors claim they can treat everything, and its just baffling to me. my chiropractor is pretty young (so maybe she just doesnt have the same attitude as older ones?) and went to med school for physical therapy before becoming a chiropractor, and shes the only doctor out of the dozens ive seen who already knew what hyper-mobile ehlers-danlos syndrome is before meeting me. shes never once said anything about treating anything at all beyond the issues in my back from my muscles going whack, and has actually suggested i see a physical therapist (and referred me to one) to strengthen my back so i dont have to see her very often. i assumed that was the normal experience with chiropractors, but did i just luck out? are the majority of chiropractors really insane and claiming they can cure diabetes and stuff?? thats so crazy to think about...

Just to clarify: your chiropractor is not a doctor. Having a doctorate in physical therapy does not make one an MD, having a DC degree does not make one an MD. People who become physical therapists go to school for physical therapy, but that wouldn't really be called medical school any more than getting a degree in nutrition would be called medical school.

I want to be very firm here because you're using the words "medical school" and "doctor" and that indicates to me that she IS claiming to be more than what she actually is, which is a chiropractor and possibly a physical therapist, both of which have requirements that pale in comparison to the training that MDs (or even nurse practitioners or physician's assistants) go through. But chiropractors really like to let people believe that they're doctors. They're not. They're chiropractors.

It's a very good thing that your chiropractor has told you to seek other care for your back pain; neck and spinal adjustments are potentially life threatening to people who don't have connective tissue disorders and are *extremely* dangerous and an even greater risk for people who DO have hypermobility issues (check out what @thebibliosphere has to say about chiropractic and EDS). A licensed physical therapist will be able to do much, much more for you than a chiropractor, and is a MUCH safer choice.

Now, all of that being said:

Yeah it's super common for chiropractors to claim they can treat all kinds of nonsense and when they're doing so it is probably technically illegal and if they actually treat stuff it's probably technically practicing medicine without a license and can be really fucking dangerous if it convinces people to forgo evidence-based treatment.

Here's a chiropractor in LA claiming to treat a laundry list of ailments:

Here's one also in LA county whose yelp photo is of her doing spinal manipulation on a baby (Literally never ever let a chiropractor treat your child it can no-shit kill them) and offering prenatal and perinatal care

Here's a guy in North Hollywood claiming to treat asthma and allergies with chiropractic:

It's not the majority of chiropractors, but it's more than you'd want.

[luvyeni]

HOT MESS ,, 이제노

pairings ‎⸝⸝⸝ collegecrush!jeno x reader wc. 2.4k

genre. smut

🦢◞  includes ... oral ( fem receiving ), unprotected sex, praise kink , this is kinda angsty.

request. can u write a "campus crush" fic based on jeno's look at the airport please 🙏🩷

「 authors note 𖹭 」 ngl i didn't expect it to be so angsty but reader literally is me and my brain.

❪ masterlist! ❫

your brain was always on go; constantly it was like it never stopped, even when you would sleep it was like your brain wouldn't turn off— it was never ending, and becoming a college student; living on your own made it worse.

running into your class; the professors back was turned around so you snuck in , sitting down. “you're late again.” yoo jimin, your best friend; the complete opposite of you; she was constantly put together, it was like she had everything together. “i stayed up last night to study.” you whispered, huffing out pulling out your ipad, hair all over the place. “how did it go?” you stared at her stoically. “how do you think?” you said. “point taken.” she said.

“maybe you have like adhd or something.” karina walked next to you; watching you go through your messy planner. “because this can't be normal.” she said. “im sure the doctor has something to cure whatever this was.” you shrugged. “with my luck i would probably be too busy and forget to take it.” she laughed. “probably, you're just a hot mess and that's okay, i still love you anyway.” she wrapped her arms around you, calming you. “messy hair and disheveled clothes that i'm pretty sure you had on yesterday and all.”

jeno on the the hand; he seemed to have his life together— he never came to school looking crazy; even after a night out in which he was black out drunk with his group of friends, he'd turn up the next day, showered, shaven and ready to go on with his date. “it almost scary why aren't you hungover.”

haechan groaned, his head down low. “you out drunk me yesterday; jaemin left you in your dorm unable to pick yourself off the floor.” jeno smugly shrugged, his hair black hair was neatly styled, his outfit that he picked that morning neat on his body.. “i feel fine, maybe you should lay off the alcohol.” the boy would've lunged at the boy if he didn't feel like his head was gonna explode. “haechan look you and yn both look like you had a good time last night.”

jeno turned hearing your name, a small smile on his lips, one no one couldn't unless they were looking really close. “fuck off jaemin.” you huffed sitting down. “except yn looks like that all the time.” haechan said, yelling as you began bang on the metal table. “how's that headache? huh you asshole.” jeno held his hand out , stopping you. “you'll hurt yourself.”

he moved his hand away from you; that didn't really help your rapidly beating heart. along with the stress of school and your everyday life; jeno lee was another thing that raced throughout your already cluttered mind; he sometimes was the only thing that could calm your messy mind— not like he noticed or anything.

“she’ll hurt herself— she hurt me!” haechan cried out. “my head.” holding his head in his hands. “jimin hold me.” you all watched karina fight the whining boy off, you laughter making jeno smile slightly, only stopping when jaemin caught him; wiggling his eyebrows at the boy, jaemin was the only one who knew about his crush on the girl.

“you should ask her out.” jaemin said one day out of the blue. “yn, you should ask her out.” jeno was shocked; he thought he did a good job hiding his infatuation with you. “haechan isn't all the way there and renjun could care less, so of course they don't notice, but bro i'm your best friend , and i can tell , and you don't really hide , you literally write the notes down so she can study.” ever since that day, jaemin never let him live it down.

“yn you have a class soon.” jeno turned to you as you looked down at your phone. “oh yeah i better go.” you shot up. “my professor is gonna kill me if im late again.” you collected your things. “jeno don't you have this class too?” renjun asked, he nodded; calmly getting up, saying goodbye to everyone, before walking away; but walking slowly so you'd be able to catch up to him.

you both made it to the class, you found your seat in the back; jeno took a seat in the front like always, occasionally looking back to check on you— he felt bad, watching you stress out all the time, you could never seem to get anything right in your eyes; but in his eyes you were perfect.

“yn.” your professor stopped you as you were leaving out the door. “yes?” you stopped. “your research paper.” she started. “is there something wrong with it?” you sighed, she didn't have to say anything, but you knew. “listen what if i give you an extra day or two, go over it; read my notes and try again.” she said, you nodded. “thank you ma'am.” you turned walking out of the class, where jeno was waiting. “oh jeno you're still here?”

while waiting for you, jeno overheard your conversation with the professor. “yeah, everything okay?” you nodded. “just need to go home and get my head together so i can get this essay right this time.” he walked silently next to you, before he spoke up. “i can help you.” he said. “go over the essay with you.”

“y-you don't have to, it's all word vomit i don't want to put you through that.” he waved you off. “i don't mind it.” you were about to reject him again when he grabbed your arm, stopping you. “let me help you.” your eyes widened at the sudden touch. “sorry.” he said, removing his hand. “it-its okay.” you said, heart racing. “i can come over to your apartment and go over it with you.” he said. “and it won't be a problem?” he shook your head. “you'll never be a problem, okay?” you nodded. “o-okay.”

“come on let's go.”

it had been so long since you had anyone over besides karina and she was used to your madness; but it had been even longer since you had a cute guy over, and you weren't really planning on having one over— otherwise you would have cleaned your room. “it's a little messy.”

“it's okay, it's just clothes.” he smiled watching you frantically pick up the clothes, shoving them in your closet. “sit.” you pointed to your bed. “please, make yourself comfortable.” you said. “um …” you turned to jeno, your face losing all color— he was holding your bra in his hand. “did you forget something?”

you practically lunged at the boy to grab the item, throwing it into your closet. “let's get started.” you said; he smiled watching you go through your bag to pull out your laptop. “here.” you opened it, pulling up the essay. he took the laptop from your hands, your fingertips touching. “let's see, it can't be that bad.”

it was bad; but jeno didn't let you know that— well he tried. “um, okay.” he said, you frowned. “it's bad isn't it?” he sighed, reading through the essay, looking at you; your eyes were desperate. “i can help you fix it.” he said, you sighed. “it's useless.” taking away the laptop. “if only i can get my brain to stop just for a second , my essays won't be so shit.”

you hated this; your brain wouldn't stop, it was overwhelming. “hey.” jeno called your name, you bit at your nails in stress. “hey.” he stopped you, holding your hands down. “calm down , i told you i'll help you wouldn't i?” he said. “i’ve seen worse essays trust me, jaemin will plagiarize if i let him.” he laughed. “i can help you fix this, but you have to calm down first.” your eyes traveled to where your hands met. “you're so cute but you're a hot mess.”

“me-me? cute.” he chuckled; but you were freaking out inside and out, he shook his head, pushing his glasses up his nose bridge. “let's finish this okay?” you nodded. “o-okay.”

after going over the mess of a essay; reading the notes the teacher gave you and jeno talking you through it; you finally put together an essay that was at least readable and would satisfy your professor. “thank you so much jeno, you saved my life.” you smiled. “it was all you, you'll do good if you just turn that pretty little head off and learn to breathe.”

“that's easy for you to say, your life is so put together.” you said. “i can barely get out of bed on time, it's like you said im a hot mess.”

“you don't want to hear my problems.” you said. “the essay is done and you probably have things to do, you can … mph” before you could get the rest out; jenos lips were on yours in feverish kiss, pulling away to give you enough air before his lips were on yours again.

he pulled away again, ready to kiss you again, but you held his chest signaling him to stop immediately. “did i make you uncomfortable?” he said. “no-no.” you said flustered. “just, it happened so fast, and now my head and my heart is racing.” you were rambling on and on and it made jeno want to kiss you again, you were so cute. “then just turn that pretty head off and let me help you.” he looked at you with so much want in his eyes. “okay?”

you nodded, he held the side of your face, pulling you into another kiss; his lips swiping across your bottom lip, sticking his tongue in your mouth , his grip on your waist, lifting your shirt. “lifting your arms for me pretty.” he took your shirt off , throwing it to the floor. “he-hey just because i use my floor as a hamper doesn't mean you do.”

he laughed, “i'll be sure to fold your clothes neatly the next time i fuck you.” he pulled your pants down, leaving you in your mismatched bra and panties. “baby you really are a hot mess aren't you.” he kissed your stomach once he laid you on your back. “i like that.” he reached for your waistband, pulling them down your leg. “keep them open pretty baby.” he kissed the sides of your thighs. “such a pretty little pussy.”

you felt the warmth of his lips as he kissed your cunt. “j-jeno.” it had been a while since you've felt anything like this, and lord was jeno good at what he was doing , licking your folds , his nose brushing up against your clit, for the first time in a very long time; there was only one thing on your mind— it was jeno.

“fuck jeno!” you moaned, gripping his dark locks. “im… im gonna cum.” you whined feeling him removing his lips for your clit , one of his fingers invading your hole. “you gonna cum for me?” you nodded, he groaned , his cock hard; he was ready to fuck you. “y-yes.” you gasped. “pl-please let me cum.”

“shit.” he cursed, adding another finger, curling them inside you. “so tight baby, go ahead and let go for me, make a mess all over my fingers for me.” you gasped out his name , moaning as you came. “good fucking girl.” he fingered you through your orgasm, until you were holding his wrist , grinding against it. “je-jeno.” he no longer looked put together; his hair messy, clothes disheveled— even his brain was running a mile a minute, he finally knew what it was always like in your head. “you look so pretty when you are cumming.”

ridding himself of his clothes; folding your legs in half, giving him a view of your cunt. “pretty little pussy, want me to stuff my fat cock inside?” slotting his cock in between your folds; moving his hips, the tip of his cock catching your clit , both of you moaning. “pl-please fuck me.” you begged. “shh , baby i got you.”

positioning his leaky tip at your entrance, slipping inside. “fuck.” he sighed, your cunt sucking him in. “so tight.” he gasped as he fully bottomed out. “je-jeno you're so big.” you moaned out; his hand coming up to your throat. “yeah, you like my cock stretching your tiny pussy?” he hissed as you tightened around him, your eyes crossed as he plowed into you. “did i fuck you're pretty head empty?” he questioned, a moan following. “had so much fuck so much going on inside it , now it's nothing but my cock.”

he tightened his grip around your throat; speeding up his thrust. “de-deeper jeno, fuck!” the desperation in your voice , you needed to feel him; the deeper he went , the tighter his hand wrapped around your throat— the less you thought about anything, all your troubles floated away. “je-jeno im gonna cum.”

“yeah?” he speed up, cursing as he chased his orgasm. “hold it just a little baby, fuck , wanna cum with you.” his forehead was pressed against his. “i-i can't , jeno im gonna cum.” you gasped , your fingernails digging into his arms. “ugh , fuck!” he cursed , rubbing your clit. “fuck i'm gonna cum , cum for me pretty baby.”

he made direct eye contact with you as you came , cunt gripping him like a vice. “shit!” he pulled out , roughly stroking his cock as he came, his warm seed splashing on your stomach. “fuck fuck fuck.” he squeezed his base , milking himself, groaning. “shit.”

“you want another?” he toyed with your clit. “your little clit is still desperate for my attention.” you moaned , his finger filling you up. “je-jeno.” your glazed over eyes. “your pretty little mind is floating somewhere else isn't it?” he chuckled. “fucked you too dumb?” you gasped , moving your hips, grinding against his hand. “go ahead, cum for me again, pretty.”

you felt like you were floating; mind empty as you came down from second high. “come back to me, pretty girl.” he coached you back down , a smile on his face. “good girl.” he removed his fingers from your cunt. “you did so good for me.”

“something on your mind?” jeno asked as he watched you pick at your nail beds for five minutes. “there's always something on my mind.” you laughed , about to bite your nails , he grabbed your hand, holding your hand down , rubbing your knuckles. “not when you're occupied.” he smirked , you slapped his naked chest. “it's not that.” you said. “it's you.” he tilted his head. “what do you mean?” you shrugged. “you can tell me.” he said, you sighed.

“when you're around you help me not think, you calm me.” you confessed. “so what you're saying you're a hot mess without me?” you pouted. “why are you making fun of me?” you whined , he laughed , wrapping his arms around your body. “thats fine with me.” he kissed your forehead. “you're a hot mess.”

“but you're my hot mess.”

©LUVYENI

[samkerrworshipper]

underneath the surface pt.2

i wrote a part two to a fic? sorry what?

anyways loved will always have a soft spot for this! hope you all enjoy and lmk how you felt about it xo

warnings: soft smut & soft angst viewer discretion advised

Alexia knows she should be the brave face in this whole situation, she’s not the one sitting in a hospital gown on a gurney about to head into surgery, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s sizzling with anxiety. She doesn’t know why, there isn’t anything particularly terrifying about her circumstances, this is a routine surgery, the chance of complication is extremely low, the chance of death is less than 1%. She knows because she’s google checked five times in the last hour.

She’s trying to hide it, because she knows even though you are putting on a brave face you are secretly terrified. She’s been playing the chivalrous girlfriend. Trying to eliminate any outside stress so that you don’t have to worry about it, which is causing Alexia to stumble into a spiral of worries. She’s worried for you, she’s worried for the future, she’s worried about everything that moves and breathes.

Alexia can normally cope under stress, give her a game winning penalty in a world cup winning game and she’ll treat it with the same amount of composure as she would a penalty in a 20-0 friendly game.

Alexia stressing about you though, is a completely different story. She’s snapped at everyone in the lead up to this week, she’s shut down, she’s in her fortress and until she knows that you’re going to be okay that’s not going to change.

You’re the best thing that happened to her, and even though she has absolutely zero impact on what’s going to happen in the operation room she feels like if she controls all of the outside variables then somehow that’s her contribution. She wants to believe that if she can make everything on the outside right, then it’ll somehow change what’s happening on the inside, Alexia wishes deep down that she could fix it all and that this situation wasn’t happening.

Alexia doesn’t understand why you suffer so much from a disease that has no cure, she doesn’t understand why something so horrible exists and why you are plagued with it.

You don’t seem phased at all, like this is normal routine for you which is making Alexia feel even worse.

You’ve gone about your morning as usual, denying Alexia in every way as she tried to do random acts of service that were actually useless.

You’d quite literally breezed your way through it all and to the hospital without a waiver, no tears, no worries, no stress. It was a long time coming, Alexia appreciated the fact that from what you and google had told her, laparoscopy’s could be life changing for people with endometriosis, it could effectively make your quality of life during your period so much better. But it was still surgery, Alexia remembers when she had her acl surgery, she was a bundle of nerves to the point where her mami had to sit by her bed to stop her from hyperventilating whilst they administered the anaesthesia.

There is no clutching for Alexia’s hand, no desperate admissions of fear, no articulation of any anxieties or stress. You’re practically meditative, sitting on the hospital bed in your gown waiting patiently for the doctors to come and collect you.

Alexia’s walked herself through the surgery hundreds of time, when she can’t sleep at night it’s the first thing that her mind drifts to, there isn’t any set routine for a laparoscopy, it’s based on how much tissue has built up and where it’s built up. They won’t know until they open you up, from the limited amount of information Alexia has been able to extract about your past surgeries she’s figured out that for you in the past, it normally builds up in your pelvis, fallopian tubes, the ligaments around your uterus, your ovaries and the last time you had a laparoscopy they even found small clusters on your bladder, vertebraes and bowel. Hopefully, they’ll just find it around your uterus, but if there are signs that it might have attached to other organs then the surgery can become far more invasive and longer. Your doctor has said that in the best case scenario it could take an hour or two, worst case scenario it might take upwards of 5 hours.

At least two hours of Alexia falling deeper and deeper into her fear that something horribly bad is going to happen.

You’d encouraged her to touch base with her therapist in preparation, a proposal that Alexia had laughed at. She knew that you’d talked to your psychologist a day beforehand in preparation, and told her that if possible you’d like to follow up a few days after your surgery. Alexia had no reason to reach out though, she wasn’t the one who was having her reproductive organs sliced up, it was her job to make sure that you were able to achieve optimal recovery. Your health was Alexia’s biggest concern, she needed you to recover, she needed you back on the pitch with her, she needed you back to normal as soon as possible, so that all of her stress and anxiety about everything that was happening could dissipate.

“Alexia, you’re squeezing.”

Alexia looked down at her hand, it was resting on the outside of you thigh, her hand all fisted up in your skin and the paper thin hospital bedding.

“Sorry bebita.”

Alexia retracted her hand as if had been burnt, she felt horribly guilty about the selfishness of her feelings, it wasn’t right for her to be so twisted up in her own troubles. She wasn’t the one suffering.

She didn’t know how to explain it, she felt like a child with her hand between couch cushions, reaching for something and only grazing for the edge of it. She only grazed the edge of understanding what you were going through, it felt like she was eternally reaching for more, trying to feel it, and yet she didn’t have hands big enough to grab what she wanted. She didn’t have the tools to fix this, she didn’t have the body to understand what you were going through, she was left searching without any chance of retrieving anything.

“Alexia.”

Alexia looked up at you, there was something in your body language, like you were uncomfortable, or on the border of being uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry bebe, is everything alright? Are you comfortable? I’m sure they’ll be in soon to come and get you, I know you must want to get this over with.”

You roll your eyes, and Alexia is aware that it’s your way of saying no, but for some reason it cuts deeper for her, she’s so on edge, she’s been on edge ever since you got your surgery date and it’s all starting to reach a certain point that is pushing Alexia in ways she doesn’t understand.

“I want my girlfriend to relax. I’m going to be fine Alexia, nothing is going to happen.”

Alexia knows that factually you’re correct, but in Alexia’s imaginative brain she can’t wrap her head around the truth.

“I know bebita, I just want to make sure that you are feeling good, si? You’re comfortable? It’s important for your recovery that you feel as good as possible.”

Your roll your eyes again.

“Alexia, everything is perfect, it’s all fine. I’ve recovered from this same surgery two times, I’m prepared. You’ve made sure that when I get home I’ll be comfortable, I’ve walked you through what the next week might looked like. I’m prepared and so are you, everything is going to be fine.”

You’re eerily calm and Alexia can’t tell whether or not it’s a front to hide your secret insecurities or if you seriously are content with what you are going through.

She supposes that when you’ve been living with something so debilitating for such a long time that at some stage you get used to constantly being disappointed with your body and constantly knowing that it doesn’t perform the same way that other people’s do.

“I know bebita.”

Alexia doesn’t even sound like she believes herself.

“Do you? Because it doesn’t seem that way.”

Alexia doesn’t want you worrying about her, she doesn’t want you worrying about anything, she wants you to feel calm.

“Bebe, I’m fine. I know our plan, I was the one who made it.”

It’s a weel made plan. Alexia had spent weeks getting everything in line for this moment. You were both going to take at least a week away from football, two weeks if need be. Alexia would return after the rest period, to training until she felt like she was in a place to be back on the pitch. You’d come in with her on the good days, meet with the team doctors and work through whatever exercise that was allowed whilst also just reintegrating into the team. If it all went to plan you’d make your way back into team training at the six week mark, and if it all went to plan you’d be back playing around the eight week mark. For the first week, you would be on mostly bed rest. Alexia had already meal prepped your comfort foods and easy foods to digest for the first week, and she had no doubt that her teammates would drop some more food off. You would rest, allow yourself some grace to recover from what you were going through. Alexia would make sure of it. She didn’t know what you’re previous recoveries from your surgeries looked like, you hardly shared any details about your past with endometriosis but what she could gauge it musn’t of been a positive experience. She was determined to change that though.

“You’ve got nothing to be scared about Ale, I’m going to be fine. I can’t guarantee how happy I’m going to be once this is over but I’ll be okay. I’ve been here, I’ve done this before, it’s the same as every other time.”

Alexia doesn’t think she’s seen anybody go into surgery so casually, as if this is truly just another surgery for you, as if there is no magnitude behind what is about to occur.

“I know bebita, I know.”

Alexia reaches for your hand, giving it a squeeze before bringing it up to her mouth and pressing a soft kiss to it. Her lips linger for a second, it feels good to know that you are here with her.

“Ms Putellas, it’s time to take her.”

Alexia looked up to the doorway, where one of your nurses was waiting.

She didn’t want to say goodbye to you, she didn’t want the waiting to start.

Alexia stands up, moving her lips from your hand and pressing them to your hairline, breathing in everything about you. The smell of your shampoo that she’d massaged into your hair this morning, the smell of your body soap, the warmth of your skin. It was all you, the you that Alexia knew, the you that Alexia loved so much. She had so many hidden insecurities, but her biggest one was that deep down this surgery was going to somehow change you, and when you came back different to how you currently would, you wouldn’t want her anymore.

There was no explanation, but it didn’t change what Alexia had come to believe.

“Alexia, I love you, I am going to be fine, I will see you in a couple of hours.”

Alexia didn’t know it, but you had your own insecurities. You’d never had anybody, friends, family, partners that had stuck by your side through all of your issues. Who was interested in a person who was completely broken from the inside? Why would Alexia want to stick around for all the troubles. It wasn’t easy looking after a person with a chronic disease, even with her limited amount of time dating you she’d hardly experienced the real struggle. Sure, she’d seen you on your period, but that didn’t compare to a lifetime of struggles.

Alexia had advocated for you, with the team, with the physios, with the coaches, with your doctors. But was she prepared to do that for the rest of her life? Was she prepared to sacrifice her own health at certain times to prioritise yours? It was the ultimate sacrifice, and even though Alexia was genuinely the best person that you’d ever met, yet you wouldn’t blame her for being unable to compensate for you.

“I know bebe, I’ll be waiting for you. I love you so much, it’s all going to be fine.”

Alexia pressed her lips to your forehead one final time, you didn’t push her when she took her time. Alexia’s lips shook against your skin, the quiver silent as she kept any emotion she had at bay. She needed to be strong, she needed to stay strong for you.

“Ms Putellas, one of the nurses will take you to the waiting room, a doctor will come get you when she’s done.”

Alexia finally pulled her lips away, it truly did feel like she was parting with you completely, like she was being pulled away from you completely.

The nurse reached for Alexia’s hand and she shook it free.

You frowned at her, like she was making this so much harder, it made her feel bad, but she needed this, she needed a moment.

“I love you.”

You let up on your frown.

“I love you too.”

Alexia nodded, if there were tears in the corner of her eyes then she had no idea, her focus was on you, only ever you.

Only when she finally felt comforted, did she let the nurse lead her out.

The nurses took you down one end of the hallway, and she dragged herself in the opposite direction.

The waiting room was the same as any other, random stock pictures of scenery from somewhere around the world, chairs that were more uncomfortable then any other surface, bright white lights that were bound to remind Alexia exactly where she was.

It was all uniform, besides her mother sitting in the corner.

Eli looked the same as she always did, her lips sitting in a content smile. There were big lines all over her face from her smiling all the time, it was the reason why everybody gravitated towards her.

“Mami.”

Alexia had known there was something slightly suspicious happening when her mother had been dodging her calls for the last few days. She’d assumed in typical fashion that whilst Alexia was looking after you, Eli would go into overdrive, cooking all the meals, helping Alexia. She hadn’t quite expected this.

Alexia had kept the details about your surgery vague with her family, she didn’t feel like it was her information to give away and also she wanted to keep some privacy. She knew it was going to be a tough period for you and also for herself.

“No, before you say anything, I am staying.”

Alexia smirks, pushing back the words that had already been on the tip of her tongue.

“You don’t need to be here, I could be waiting for while. I can call you when she’s done and you can come to see her.”

Alexia walks towards her mother, and she knows by the way that Eli is looking at her that she’s not going to be able to convince her to leave. Alexia’s stubbornness came straight from her mother.

“I will do no such thing. I shall wait here with you, I’m here to support my daughter.”

Eli nudges Alexia into the seat beside her.

“I’m not the one having surgery Mami, I will be fine waiting on my own.”

Eli slaps Alexia’s arm.

“Estupida. Tan estupida. When I was in hospital with your faher do you know how alone i felt? No, you will not be alone. Maria has gone to go and get coffee, we will all wait here together until she’s done. Comprendida?”

The tears that were in Alexia’s eyes a couple of minutes ago are back, the sick feeling of anxiety that’s been in her stomach all week, especially today suddenly feels less all consuming.

“You don’t have to do this alone, there are people here for both of you. There is support for you.”

Alexia nods, and for the first time in a while she actually feels like she doesn’t have to handle it all, like maybe she can off load some of the responsibilities that are making her chest ache with every breath she takes.

“Thankyou.”

As the doctors had told Alexia, the first week is by far the worst.

Your surgery ends up going for a lot longer then expected. As the doctors had expected, it hadn’t looked good, and it had spread to some of your organs. The positives were though that there hadn’t been any complications and they’d managed to remove all the affected tissue.

It had ended up being a day procedure and the doctors had cleared Alexia to take you home once you’d woken up and were eating and talking.

It had only gone downhill from there.

You were in a lot of pain, and pretty much delirious on the feeling of it and anaesthesia.

Getting you out of her car and into the house had been near impossible, carrying you was too uncomfortable for your incision, and walking was also impossible.

Eventually, with a mixture of limping, Alexia bearing all the weight for you and dragging you as carefully as she could she got you into your bed.

Alexia had set the house up so that when you were home everything would be easy, she hadn’t organised though for you to be completely immobile.

She got you set up underneath the blankets, allowing you to rest whilst she worked on making a light meal for dinner.

When Alexia came back, you were running a fever.

It was a low grade fever, something the doctors had told her to expect but it made her feel uncomfortable.

A fever was the first sign of an infection, and you weren’t awake enough to know what was going on. What if something bad was happening and she didn’t know? What happened if she didn’t catch it early enough? What if she was the reason that something bad happened?

Before Alexia could find the warning signs of slipping into her own brain she was falling deep into a fog of anxiety.

Alexia was the one who was responsible for making sure that you were okay. She thought that she’d worked out every different variable and issue that could arise, she’d promised you that she’d be there for you after your surgery. If she couldn’t help you with this though then was she really capable of dealing with all of it?

You stirred slightly as Alexia removed the thermometer from your lips, your eyes hazily opening up, looking at her with confusion.

“Hugs.”

It’s almost laughable the way that you whine at Alexia, the doctors had said that you would be pretty out of it for the first few days. You’d told Alexia that in the past, the first two or three days after your surgeries tended to consist of mostly sleep and adjusting to the pain of your healing incisions. After they had healed it was all upwards from there.

“How are you feeling? Do you want some more pain relief? Do you need some water? Food? You’re not feeling nauseous or cold?”

You shook your head, your lips morphing into a soft smile as you took in Alexia, all flustered and clearly worked up.

“Want hugs.”

Alexia was guarded, she always was when she was focused on protecting people. You didn’t want guarded Alexia. You wanted relaxed, homey, calm Alexia. The Alexia who would sit on the couch with you after a rough game and eat icecream, the Alexia who would silence her alarm on a morning workout day to stay in bed with you, the Alexia who just wanted to spend all of her time with you. You just wanted the Alexia that would put whatever you wanted above all else.

Alexia looks torn, really torn, like she knows that she should probably be caregiving in some way. She promised you though that she’d let you guide her through your process, that she wouldn’t try to control how you wanted to recover.

“Okay bebita, if that’s what you want.”

Alexia slips to the wardrobe quickly, pulling off her sweats in favor for changing them in for some softer pyjamas. She doesn’t know how long she’s going to be in bed with you but she assumes it’s going to be long enough that she’ll want to be comfortable.

When she makes her way back into the bedroom you’re waiting patiently, like you know that if you’d fallen asleep whilst Alexia was gone she probably would have gone off to tackle some non-existent chore to make herself feel better. Alexia rolls her eyes at how well you know her more unobvious traits and tells.

Alexia, without trying to shift the mattress at all, pushes herself under the covers of your bed. She’d made sure to put down fresh sheets, so it’s comfier and snugglier then it normally is. When you realise that Alexia is going to make no attempt to shift within cuddling distance you pull your arms out from underneath the blankets. Everything is sore and accompanied with a tinge of pain that makes your head hurt. It sucks. You want your teddy bear of a girlfriend to hug it away.

Even though it hurts, you reach for the hem of her sleep shirt, tugging it towards you. There is no power to your movements but there is a general message. Alexia shuffles closer to you, but still far away enough that you definitely can’t use any part of her body as a pillow. You don’t know why it hits you then, you know you’ve got a lot of built up emotions, and that hormonally there is so much going on in your body and the pain medication isn’t making it any better. You don’t know why, but all of a sudden the tears start to fall and you can’t contain the sniffle that you make.

“Bebita, what’s wrong?”

Alexia shoots up, ready to take action in whatever way is needed.

“Do you even love me? What person wouldn’t want to give their girlfriend a hug? I know I just had surgery and I’m digusting and haven’t showered and smell like hospital but can you not just give me a hug, is is that big of a ask?”

Alexia almost immediately recoils, the feeling that sets into her stomach is one of horror. Of course she wants to hug you. Of course she wants to love you, she’s just scared to hurt you.

“Bebita, no. It’s not about any of that, I just don’t want to hurt you bebe. I love you so much bebe, none of the surgery stuff bothers me, not in the slightest. I just don’t want to hurt you.”

At this stage you’re sobbing hysterically and Alexia feels so horrible.

“I know you didn’t want me to get the surgery, I know it was stupid but can you just hug me?”

Alexia genuinely does a double take when you say that, it’s a insecurity that you haven’t expressed to her at all and she doesn’t quite know what to make of it.

“Bebe, of course I wanted you to have the surgery. I can’t tell you whether or not it was a good decision for you, but for me it was a no brainer. Bebe, you were in so much pain, you were struggling so much and for me it was so hard to see you go through that. I don’t know why you’d think that I wouldn’t want you to get the surgery but I can tell you that any decision that makes you feel happier and healthier is always going to be the best decision. If this surgery makes you feel healthier and happier then why would it be stupid?”

You don’t really know what you are thinking or why you’re suddenly thinking all of these things but you just feel so wrong all of a sudden.

“You promise?”

Alexia smiles at you, finally leaning over into your personal space. She bring her hand up to yours and interlocks your pinky with hers.

“I pinky promise, now how about we work out that hugh that you want. I don’t want to hurt you, so what’s going to work best?”

Alexia reaches up to thumb away the tears that are still leaking down your face, you can’t control the random emotions that are flurrying through your body like a tornado.

“The doctor said I should sleep propped up, so I could lie with my back pressed to your front?”

Alexia figures that probably is the best way to approach this whole situation.

It’s not easy getting you to sit up for long enough for Alexia to slip in behind you, but you both reap the reward when you get to relax against each other.

Even though you’re wrapped in Alexia’s hoodie she swears that she can feel your bones relax against hers and even though she knows that you might be in pain she selfishly couldn’t care less. For the first time since she’d walked through the doors of the hospital this morning she finally feels like she can breathe, like she has you, like her inherent need to protect you from everything has finally been fulfilled.

Alexia worries about you more then anything else, when you get injured, when you’re sick, when you’re away from Alexia too long she worries. Her need to protect and care for you has only developed more over the course of your relationship, and when she found out about your endometriosis it doubled. She’s never worried much about anything besides football, and even when she worried about football it was never the same kind of worry, it’s more internalised stress about achieving what she’s set out. For you, everything is irrational, none of it makes any functional sense, it’s ridiculous. And yet she kind of loves it, because she knows that it means it’s all real, that her love for you is so real and true that she worries irrationally because the thought that anything bad could ever happen to you she knows that it would break her in ways she’s never been broken before. She saw it in here mami when here papi died, the way that she stopped being able to function in the absence of him, and god forbid anything similar happened to you Alexia knows she’d be the same.

There’s this thing about recovery, about recovery from a non-injury that makes your skin crawl. You’re not a good person to be around when you’re struggling, it’s the half the reason you’d kept your reproductive issues from Alexia, because it all made you grumpy and tired and borderline and fucking bitch. There was a pattern of shutdowns, emotional, physical, mental, every single time you had a slip or bad period. A surgery though, it was a whole different story.

By week two you felt pretty much back to normal, but as the doctors kept reminding you, you weren’t. That was the problem with internal surgery, eventually the outside of your body returned to feeling normal, but the healing process on the inside took ten times longer. Your scars were healed, even the swelling had started to go down, the pain was minimal but you were still healing.

By week 4 you knew that you were toeing the line of being a bitch and being intolerable. You stomped your way around the halls of the training facilities, annoyed with your lack of progress and the fact that whilst all of your teammates were out on the pitch, you were stuck indoors under the air conditioning doing the exact same pelvic floor exercises that you’d been doing for two weeks. You were now allowed to run on the treadmill, instead of the slow walk that you’d been doing for the past few weeks. It all felt like nothing though, like you were being pulled through hell with no real picture of when you would be allowed to return.

You’d known about all of this before your surgery, known that it was going to be a slow process. What you hadn’t realised though was just how lonely that process was going to be, nobody understood what you were going through. At least with injury there was common ground, everyone on the team had been through some kind of back setting injury that had them in the gym more then on the pitch. They’d never been sidelined for something inside of them though, something that was going to keep coming back and keep hurting them over and over again.

Week 5 was when you broke. There wasn’t any exact reason, maybe it was the way that Mapi continuously kept trying to get you to try some stupid gym challenge when she knew you weren’t allowed to, maybe it was the way that Alexia kept coming home everyday complaining about how the defenders couldn’t get their act together, or maybe it was just the overwhelming pressure that was starting to get to you.

All you know is that after a particularly hard day and Alexia groaning about the sprints they’d run after every drill on the way to the car, it had been the final straw for you.

The minute your seatbelt was fastened there were tears pouring down your face.

When Alexia reached out you smacked her hands away.

“Bebe, talk to me, are you in pain? What hurts?”

If you weren’t busy crying you’d probably slap Alexia for the stupidity she was exhibiting.

“No, no I’m not fucking in pain. I’m sick of you constantly fucking tell me about all of your problems and acting like I wouldn’t die to be doing what you’re fucking doing. I’m sick of everybody thinking that I can do everything that they are doing just because I look fine. I know I look fine, I know I seem fine, hell at this stage I’m pretty sure I am fine. I’m sick of feeling like I’m back to normal and being told that I’m fucking not, that I have to wait another week, that I can’t do things that are so normal to my life.”

Once again when Alexia tries to give you a hug you deny her, wiggling out of her hold as soon as she tries.

“Bebe, no recovery is linear or easy. Just because yours looks different to most peoples doesn’t make it any less valid. You need to be more gracious to yourself, you are going to get back from this. Just because it isn’t a normal process or what a recovery normally looks like for you doesn’t mean that you are any less entitled to your process.”

You know that like everybody else, Alexia doesn’t understand. Sure, she’s injured herself, she’s been through hell and back for her recovery. She doesn’t understand though what you feel, the immense struggle that you are going through.

“No Ale, you don’t fucking understand. There was no point in your recovery where you weren’t able to eat your favourite foods because your body didn’t react well, there was no limiting you from sex, there was no limits on what the unaffected parts of your body could and couldn’t do. There was no limits on how much time you could spend in certain positions or limits on whether or not you could fucking vaccum or carry something heavier then 5 kilos. You don’t understand, I have nothing to look forward to, i’m going fucking crazy watching everybody do things daily with ease that I can’t fucking do. My fucking body hates me, it betrays me everyday. And I can’t change that, I can’t do anything about that.”

Alexia forces herself to take a deep breath, to truly consider what you’re saying. She doesn’t want to invalidate you, not even remotely, she knows how easy it is for people like you to be invalidated because of your disease. She has no idea what you are going through, she can’t even begin to understand, and yet she’s been trying to. She’s been trying to empathise with what you’ve been feeling, she’s tried her hardest to force her feet into your shoes but the reality is that she will never be able to. Nothing is going to make her understand the magnitude of what you are going through, and she thinks that she needs to stop pretending that she does.

“You’re right bebita, you’re right. I’m so sorry, just tell me what you need, whatever you need and I will help you. I will try my hardest to do whatever it is you need. Just take some deep breaths with me, vale? It’s okay, the world isn’t going to end right here and right now, it might feel like it but I promise it won’t. These are fixable problems, we can fix this, maybe not right now which sucks but eventually this will all be fixable.”

This time when Alexia moves to hug you, you don’t flinch away. For the first fucking time in five weeks you be slightly heard, less alone and isolated.

You sob into Alexia’s neck, not caring that it’s making her neck wet and also your face. It feels good to let it all out, like all of the weight, all the words from your psychologist, from the doctors, from the physios, from your teammates, from the coaches, from Ale are slowly becoming background noise. All you want is for it to be background noise, for it to all disappear.

“We’re going to be okay bebe, you’re going to be okay, we’re going to work this out.”

Alexia doesn’t really believe her own words, she doesn’t know if everything is going to be okay, not remotely. She doesn’t know how to help you, after you became self-reliant after week 2 her job as your caregiver was pretty much nonexistent, but that didn’t mean that you didn’t still need help. It was all confusing, a back and forwards dance that didn’t really make any sense really. Whether Alexia had realised it or not though, she’d assumed that you were happy to do it alone, inadvertently. She was giving you your space to recover how you wished, even though it was clear that wasn’t necessarily how you wanted to go about your rehab.

When your cries softened Alexia let go a little bit, so she could look at you.

“How can I help bebita? Tell me what I need to do and I will do everything I can.”

Your eyes are all glassy and full of tears, it makes the hole of guilt in Alexia’s heart even bigger.

“I just want to play.”

Alexia furrows her face, because of all the things she can do, that isn’t one. She can’t clear you to play and she won’t condone you rushing your rehab to get back. She wants you to play, do desperately, but only when you’re at full health.

“I can help you with your rehab, bebita you can be cleared from the six week mark onwards, if you work really hard this week there is a chance you could be back in training next week. But you can’t rush yourself, I know you want to be back on the pitch, I want you back on the pitch. But you need to be ready, and right now you aren’t.”

Alexia thinks it might be a little bit too brutal, but the way you nod at her with real determination tells her that she’s said the right things, she’s supporting what you need whilst also being honest.

“I can’t get you back on the pitch but how about icecream, huh?”

You look like you might start crying again but after a few seconds you roll your eyes in the same way that you would to Alexia on any other day.

“It’s a wednesday, your cheat day is Mondays.”

Alexia shrugs, because cheat days aside, she’d break any and every rule just to see a smile on your face.

“Well last time I checked everyday is a icecream day, especially on wednesdays.”

Alexia’s goofy smile never leaves her face. It’s clear on your face though that you’re still worrying.

“Bebita, you can’t do anything about this. You just keep doing what you’re doing, even though it sucks and we wait until your six week appointment and hopefully you get good news. The doctors said if everything went how it should then next week should be when things start to pick up, you just have to trust the process bebe and it’ll all work out. Until it all works out, we have icecream, no?”

Your barriers break and for the first time since you’d sat down in the car you smiled at Alexia.

“Yes, we do have ice cream.”

Alexia had been forbidden from coming to your six week appointment, you wanted to do it alone, wanted to face whatever news you were given on your own and she respected that.

It didn’t make it any easier.

In the space of around an hour she had reorganised her wardrobe and then reorganised it again because she couldn’t handle not having certain things in certain places. She then moved on to folding all of the laundry, making sure her kit bag had everything that was necessary for the away game coming up and then out of pure desperation she moved on to cleaning all of the dishes.

She’d seen the way that the last week in particular had drained you, how everyday had been even more of a struggle. For the first few weeks, there had been moments of intimacy, moments of love and softness. All Alexia wanted was that back, she wanted to be able to love you and have you reciprocate it without withdrawing. She just wanted some part of you back.

When she heard your keys turning in the door, she tried her hardest to look normal, perched on the kitchen bench like a kid waiting for their parents to come home from work.

She listens to the sound of the door clicking open and shut, then the sound of shoes scuffing off, a bag being dropped and then your footsteps. Alexia’s heart beats faster and faster as she listens to you slowly get closer to her.

She’s rewarded when she finally sees you, and you’re not crying and don’t look like your about to punch something so she thinks there must be some kind of good news on the horizon.

When you spot Alexia clearly waiting for you, you almost laugh, she looks like she’s trying so hard to not ask you what she clearly wants to. She looks almost antsy.

“Hi.”

You keep walking, closer and closer, until your standing in between her legs and looking up at her from her spot sat on the counter.

Before she asks a question, you lean in, you need it. You need to feel Alexia in a way that’s been forbidden for far to long.

The kiss is breath taking, not to rough, not to over bearing. It’s just enough of everything that you feel like you’ve been missing out on. It makes everything better.

Alexia lets you take control, it feels good to not be out of control with everything that’s been happening.

Eventually though, when your hands move from her neck to the hem of her shirt, she pulls away.

“Bebe, I love you, but if you haven’t been cleared we should stop here.”

You roll your eyes and fish your hand into you back pocket, pulling out a folded up slip of paper.

“I think you’ll find that you have a girlfriend who has been cleared to return to all activities except games until I’ve gotten sufficient training hours, I’ve got the green light amor.”

Alexia pulls the paper from your hand, her eyes scanning every single word of the clearance form your doctor, making sure that you’re telling the truth. When she gets to the bottom, her face lights up and before you can say anything she’s standing up and lifting you in her arms.

“Alexia, put me down.”

You giggle as she balances you on her hip as if you are much smaller then you truly are, already walking towards your bedroom.

“I think it’s time to show my beautiful, patient, hardworking girlfriend just how much i love her, unless you disagree?”

You have no objections.

Alexia drops you down on the bedding as softly as possible, a big cheshire grin plastered across her face, like a huntress whose found her prey.

She joins you on the mattress, crawling up your body and kissing different places as she goes.

When she get’s to your head she presses her lips to yours, there isn’t any inhibitions or barriers, she kisses you like a person whose been so deprived of something that they’re craving it, like she’s greedy for you. Alexia moves her lips everywhere, your neck, your collarbones, as low as she can get until your tank top stops her and when she wants more, she gently tugs the top off.

Alexia worships your skin like it’s holy, she kisses and sucks and bites until your sweating and so worked up that you can’t think. When it starts to get to you, she unclips your bra, and that’s a whole other level of worshipping every inch of breast and then your nipples.

It’s glorious, 6 weeks of celibacy had been hell. Technically this would have been okay, but neither of you trusted yourselves to get to this stage and not go further.

So being here, being at this level of pure ecstasy and pleasure was everything you’d wanted and it made all of the tough moments feel so much smaller.

After she was sufficiently happy with her worship of your upperbody, she began her campaign downwards, spending time on your ribcage and stomach before spending extra time showering your incision with soft kisses.

It was something she’d done regularly since the bandages had come off, everytime you stared in the mirror for two long, or complained about how ugly it looked she would spend at least half an hour reminding you just how perfect your body was with certain scars. Those scars were proof that you were healthy and taking care of yourself and for Alexia that mattered far more.

From your incision it was down to the band of your leggings, which after a quick glance up to check you were still happy, she slowly peeled off.

“Alexia, enough teasing.”

Alexia pressed open mouthed kisses all along the outline of your panties.

“I’ve been away from your body for so long bebita, I’m just reintroducing myself.”

You rolled your eyes at the blonde, and were about to say something bratty but were stopped when she moved her open mouth a bit further down, just above your mound.

Instead of a bratty retort Alexia’s ears were met with the glorious sounds of little moans slipping from your lips as she teased you.

When you started bucking up into her, Alexia made the executive decision to move things ahead a bit quicker then she intended, after all she had plenty of time to do this, over and over again.

“You’ll tell me if anything hurts, si? If anything feels wrong say something, we’ll just stick to my mouth for now and work our way back up.”

You nodded at her, even when you felt good sex could be painful, it was a weird back and forth of you feeling good and then all of a sudden feeling bad. All you craved right now though was sweet release.

“Want to taste you bebita, god I missed tasting you.”

You swear your legs go numb and you almost orgasm just from her words.

“It might be quick, it’s been a long time Ale and I’m sensitive.”

Alexia smiled at you, kind and genuine like she had all of the time in the world.

“Just feel it however you need to, if it’s fast then it’s fast, whatever you feel just take it.”

You nod at your girlfriend before relaxing against the pillows on your bed, allowing Alexia to pull one of your knees above her shoulder.

The feeling of her mouth on you is truly the best feeling in the world, you don’t care how loud you are because the fulfillment you are getting has been so hard worked for that you can’t help but just enjoy it.

Alexia licks and sucks in all of your most sensitive places, places that have been untouched for so long that you’d almost forgotten just how good it could feel. When she pulls your clit into her mouth you see stars and you know that you aren’t going to last long at all, you gather Alexia can tell from the way that your octave heightens.

“Ale-Ale I’m going to cum.”

You can feel Alexia smirk against you.

Even though she knows that she’s able to satisfy you, there is nothing better then actually doing it.

“Go ahead bebe, I’m right here, you’ve been so good and patient. You deserve it, if you feel it just let go.”

You nod your head, biting down on your lip as you feel yourself getting closer to the edge, there is no hesitation from your edge, when she grazes her teeth against your clit you are well and truly gone.

Normally, you’d last more then one round, or you’d reciprocate at the least but before you can even try Alexia has you bundled up in her arms, pressing kisses all over your face.

You squeal and flinch but she doesn’t stop, not until your face is all red and your both relaxed against your pillows.

“You know how proud I am of you? You’ve been so good this whole process bebita, so perfect, so hardworking, so determined. You’ve pushed through it all, and you’re going to keep doing ti because your the toughest person I know, truly. I love you so much amor.”

You know that for the rest of your life, Alexia will take care of you, like nobody else. Underneath the surface she cares for you more than anybody else ever had and ever will.

[olivianyx]

OMGG I JUST GOT RESULTS WITHOUT BEATING MYSELF UP WITH ROUTINES 😭 + RANT ✨

HEYY LUVS! I JUST WANNA SHARE MY RESULTS I MANIFESTED WITHIN 2-3 DAYS! THIS YEAR'S GONNA BE MY BEST YEAR Y'ALL ✋AND GUESS WHAT I DID? NOTHING. LITERALLY NOTHING. NUH-UH. PERIODT.

⚠ LONG POST AHEAD, SWEARING ⚠

WHAT I MANIFESTED:

🪄 PASSING MY FRESHMAN YEAR WITH HIGH SCORES

🪄 MY FAMILY BOUGHT A NEW APARTMENT WHICH WERE PREPARING TO MOVE IN 3 WEEKS

🪄 ME GETTING INTO THE VOID STATE 😭 AND MANIFESTED CLEAR SKIN! (DAYUM GETTING INTO THE VOID IS DEFO VERY EASY OMGG)

🪄 GETTING LESS ANXIOUS LATELY!

🪄 MY GASTRITIS AND ULCERITIS GETTING CURED

🪄 GETTING MORE COMPLIMENTS IN MY UNI!

🪄 GETTING TALLER! I WENT FROM 5'3" TO 5'7" IN 2 DAYS 😭😭

🪄 GETTING DREAMS OF ME SHIFTING TO MY WR 🥺 (ACTUALLY RESPAWNING LOL, AS THIS THING IS REALLY CONTROVERSIAL IN HERE, PLEASE DON'T GET ME CANCELLED- I'M DOING DEATHLESS RESPAWNING ✋)

🪄 MY MIND IS SURPRISINGLY CALM 😌 THERE'S STILL INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS THO (THOSE ARE ANNOYING ASS BITCHES) BUT I JUST IGNORE EM LIKE I IGNORE PEOPLE AT SCHOOL 🗿

🪄 GOT MANY CONFESSIONS TOO 😭 AND I REJECTED EM ALL, CUS I JUST WANT TO BE SINGLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE ✋🗿 JK

🪄 GETTING COOL CLOTHES THAT MY MOM DENIED A LOTTA TIMES! (ACTUALLY I'VE ORDERED EM BUT STILL HAVEN'T SHIPPED TO MY ADDRESS YET LOL)

🪄 MY CRUSH BECOMING CLOSE TO ME HEHE 🤭 LIKE SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME MUCH, BUT LATELY SHE'S BEEN TOO CLOSE TO ME AND ALWAYS WANNA BE WITH ME LOL, 3 DAYS BACK SHE AND I WALKED HOME TOGETHER, WHILE WE GRABBED SOME SNACKS, SPOKE ABT EACH OTHER AND ALL (I FELT LIKE BEING IN A SHOUJO MANGA 😩)

🪄 A NEW PHONE! THAT SAMSUNG GALAXY S22 😩

I MANIFESTED EVERYTHING WITHIN 3 DAYS 😭 I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES, JUST. 3. FUCKING. DAYS. GODDAMMIT.

HOW I DID IT:

JUST FULFILLED IT IN MY IMAGINATION

YEP, YOU HEARD THAT RIGHT. I LIVED IN THE 4D REALITY, I NEVER GAVE A SHIT ABOUT THE 3D AT ALL. OK LEMME BREAK IT DOWN FOR Y'ALL SO JUST PAY ATTENTION FROM HERE ONWARDS.

🪄 SUPPOSE SOMETHING UNDESIRABLE OR UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE HAPPENING IN YOUR 3D. WHO'S THE CAUSE FOR THAT? YOU. 'BUT I DIDN'T IMAGINE OR THINK OF THESE 😭' BABY, YOU'RE THE SOLE CAUSE, EFFECT, AND THE SOLUTION. THERE'S NO OTHER EXPLANATION TO THIS.

🪄 AS WE ALL KNOW, 3D IS A MIRROR. RIGHT? WHATEVER YOU THINK ABOUT, YOUR ASSUMPTIONS, YOUR THOUGHTS, YOUR FEELINGS, YOUR PERSPECTIVE EVERYTHING WILL BE REFLECTED. SO WHY NOT THINK THE WAY YOU WANT SO YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE SAME? GET IT.

🪄 IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE 3D, CHANGE YOUR 4D FIRST. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE TO HOW YOUR DESIRED SELF WOULD SEE THE WORLD. KEEP DWELLING IN IT. IF THE 3D SHOWS UNFAVORABLE CIRCUMSTANCES, DON'T FUCKING GET TRIGGERED. GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION AND DENY YOUR SENSES.

🪄 EVERYTIME YOU SEE SOMETHING ELSE IN THE 3D, GO 'BRUHH THIS IS MY OLD STORY, I ALREADY HAVE WHAT I WANT, THIS IS JUST FAKE' AND MOVE ON. DISTRACT YOURSELF. CUS THE 3D WORLD WHICH YOU SEE IS AN ILLUSION, IT'S NOT REAL. IT'S YOUR CREATION, WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO CONTROL WHAT YOU CREATED? IT'S ALREADY IN CONTROL. YOU ONLY GOTTA REALISE YOUR GODSELF. YOU ARE THE CREATOR, NOT THE CREATION. STOP FUCKING VICTIMIZING YOURSELF.

🪄 I GET IT THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE ARE CONFUSED BETWEEN LAW OF ASSUMPTION AND NON DUALISM. EVEN I WAS, BUT SLOWLY I REALISED THAT WE'RE ALL NOTHING. WE'RE JUST LIVING IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. VICTIMIZING OURSELVES IN OUR OWN CREATIONS. IRONIC RIGHT?

🪄 THOSE THOUGHTS, ANXIETY, FEELINGS, EMOTIONS ARE ALL IN YOUR PHYSICAL REALM. YOUR MIND, YOUR BODY, YOUR EGO EVERYTHING IS NO REAL, WE ASSUME IT TO BE. WE'RE ARE SHAPELESS, FORMLESS, WE'RE NOTHING! AND EVERYTHING AT THE SAME TIME. CUS EVERYTHING COMES DOWN TO ONE THING, I AM.

🪄 K Y'ALL MIGHT BE SUPER CONFUSED, WHAT I'M TRYNA INFUSE IN YOUR BRAINS. SO WHAT YOU DO IS, LIVE IN YOUR 4D.HOW? IMAGINATION. NO MATTER WHAT YOU SEE IN YOUR 3D, GO BACK TO YOUR IMAGINATION, AFFIRM OR VISUALISE. ANYTHING IS FINE BTW. JUST STAY IN THE STATE OF WISH FULFILLED.

🪄 STOP RELYING ON METHODS, FUCK THEM. JUST BE. DON'T TRY TO CHANGE SOMETHING WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE THEM. JUST STOP, SURRENDER, STOP FIGHTING, STOP TRYING SO HARD WHEN YOUR ALREADY IT. SO GO LIVE IN YOUR IMAGINATION, FULLY SURRENDER. DO THINGS WHICH YOU LIKE. GO LIVE YOUR LIFE. TAKE YOUR POWER BACK.

LIKE AREN'T YOU TIRED? TRAPPED IN YOUR OWN CREATIONS? YOU CREATED THEM, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE WHATEVER. TELL ME HOW LONG ARE YOU GONNA LIVE THIS BULLSHIT LIFE? YOU'RE REALLY GETTING COMFORTABLE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE. SO LISTEN UP, DO WHAT YOU LOVE, AFFIRM, VISUALISE, OR DAYDREAM, ZONE OUT, WHATEVER. ALL I DID WAS DO THIS MEDITATION IN THE MORNING, WENT ABOUT MY DAY WATCHING JUJUTSU KAISEN LMAO. THEN RANDOMLY AFFIRM, LIVED IN MY 4D, NEVER PAYED ANY FUCKING ATTENTION TO MY 3D, CUS I'M GOD. I REALLY LOVE VISUALISING, SO I PUT ON A SONG AND START DAYDREAMING IN MY ROOM SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT. ALSO, I DID SATS BEFORE GOING TO BED. THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL I DID FOR 3 FUCKING DAYS, AND GOT WHAT EVER I WANT. ALSO I MADE A CUSTOM TAPE TOO (IT'S A GENERAL SELF CONCEPT ONE) I LISTENED TO IT FOR 30 MINS AND JUST WENT ABOUT MY DAY THINKING I HAD WHATEVER I FUCKING DESIRE, CUS IT'S ALL MY CREATIONS AND I HAVE IT ALREADY. THERE'S NOTHING TO GET, IT'S ALREADY IN ME.

LUV YOU, BYE 💋

[cyborg-franky]

Prompt: How would the straw hats react to reader being a mind reader? Please and thanks

Repost of mine from libary of ohara

Sanji Sanji is sweating because every time he has an intimate thought about you or anyone else, he can feel eyes on him. You glare and he fidgets under the intensity of it, wondering if you will blurt out the dirty thoughts to anyone else.

Every time he thinks it’s safe to think about how good the woman at the bar would look without their dress, he has to stop himself, turning with a wide eye and seeing you glare at him while sipping your drink. Just ruins the boy’s entire life.

Usopp Another one who just opens and closes his mouth when you are around because after he lies and tells people these big, impressive stories that didn’t happen. You side up to him and ask him why he lied, you are so casual about it too.

Every time he’s about to lie to anyone, you raise an eyebrow, and he just laughs loudly and pretends like it was all fun and games. Now whenever he wants to talk to someone, he literally looks around to see if you are about

Chopper

He is so amazed! That’s a great power to have! He bounces up and down and is just giddy and asks you all about it. You sometimes read his mind and it goes from dumb stuff like ‘I want candy floss’ to something like complex potions to cure all manner of illnesses.

Robin She terrifies you. She’ll be sat there reading a book or just casually sitting at the bar, elbow keeping he propped up, hand on her cheek, her smile just slyly grows as your eyes do when you read what’s on her mind. She loves to mess with you.

She’ll purposely think of something dark or downright filthyand chuckle softly when she gets the reaction, she wants from you.

Nami Oh, you stopped doing that. You completely turn off your power when it comes to Nami, she can somehow always tell when you are in her head, and she’ll turn around with her hand outstretched and tell you the show was more money than you have.

Zoro Zoro’s mind is boring, it’s full of a collection of very ‘Zoro’ things such as booze, hating Sanji, working out and his swords. Plus, Zoro never thinks anything that he wouldn’t say out loud, he’s no fun and he knows that’s how you think and always smirks and thinks ‘nice try’

Franky Franky’s mind gives you a headache if you stay there too long. His face might often say ‘head empty’ but he is always thinking loudlyto himself and has so many projects flying through his head. So many complex designs, schismatics, maths, it’s all very exhausting for you.

Brook Brook doesn’t care if you read his mind so he’s very chill around you, he’s normally just humming inside his mind, and you hate that he can get songs stuck in your head. Like a constant source of the sound, if he’s not humming in his head, he’s humming out loud or thinking about asking if he should ask someone to see their panties.

Jinbei I imagine it’s very serene in there, like a little koi pond with the sound of wind chimes and you just get lost in there until he stubs his toe or something and it’s like a loud internal scream. Same when any of the crew does something stupid and poor Jinbei has to pick up the pieces.

Luffy “THAT’S SO COOL.” He’ll yell at you. The entire reason you’re on the crew was that Luffy found out you can read minds and he needed that on his crew like right now. He’ll sit there and always go “What am I thinking now?…. and now?… and now!!” and it’s always ‘wow that’s so cool’ or ‘I’m hungry, I’m going to ask them to get me meat…”

[7seas-of-ryy]

Another Hangover Cure

Author’s Note: I got this idea from @yearninglustfully on this post! I recommend reading Hangover Cure first!

Summary: You, Rhys, and Cassian aren't allowed to be together alone anymore... but what about when the three of you are paired up for business?

Pairing: Azriel x Reader, Platonic!Rhys x Reader, Platonic!Cassian x Reader

Warnings: drinking, implied smut, let me know if I need to add any others :)

Your specialty for the Night Court had always been spells and wards. You could easily place a spell or ward anything. Your intelligence is what made Rhys invite you to work for him so long ago. That is how you started at the Night Court and it quickly became your home.

For a while, you had been practicing breaking wards and spells. It was much harder than it seemed and you had yet to master it.

Rhys had brought you a box that had been warded many many years ago and after working on it for a month, you told him you needed help. It was a much older and stronger magic than you were used to and you weren't afraid to admit when you couldn't do something.

After much contemplation, Rhys decided he would go to Helion, the High Lord of the Day Court, to get his help. He wanted you to come with and told Cassian he would also be coming for extra security.

You were currently in a meeting with everyone in the IC discussing this.

"Absolutely not. You three cannot be trusted together." Az immediately stated.

Feyre and Nesta immediately agreed with the male.

"Listen, we need Y/N for this so she can learn and see how its done. This is literally her area of expertise, she is crucial for this. I am the High Lord, it is a curtesy for me to go and the only reason Cass is going as security is because the rest of you are busy." Rhys told the group.

"Don't think I forgot about the tree you three stole!" Az responded.

"You told him?!" Cassian asked you.

You grimaced and gave him with a sorry look.

"This won't be like us going out for a night out, this will be us doing work." You reasoned with Az.

"Yes, strictly business" Cass added with a salute to the shadowsinger

"Fine, but not for too long. You three have to come back by tomorrow." Az compromised.

"Deal." You, Rhys, and Cass all said in unison.

Azriel pulled you aside before you left.

"Please be safe my love. And as much as I am worried about the three of you together, I do want you to enjoy yourself still...just not too much. Helion can get handsy." He ended the sentence with a scowl.

"You're the only one I could ever want. I promise I will be safe and responsible." You told him

He placed a kiss on your forehead and helped you strap on your bag.

"I love you so much, have a safe trip." He spoke and then placed a loving kiss on your lips.

You heard Cass make a gagging sound and Az rolled his eyes at his brother.

You walked over to him and Rhys and the three of you started the journey to the Day Court.

Azriel, Nesta, and Feyre all stood watching you three leave.

"This is not a good idea" Nesta spoke

"Terrible idea" Feyre agreed.

"Lets just hope they learned their lesson last time." Azriel added

The three split up and went to do their work for the day.

Once you made it to the Day Court, Helion was quick to greet you.

"Ahh Y/N, my protege! I am so excited to teach you my ways." He announced and brought you in for a kiss on the cheek.

"Hands off, Helion. I promised my brother I wouldn't let you be all over her." Cassian told him

You all laughed and after the rest of the greetings, he led the three of you inside.

The warded box was laying on the table in front of you all while Helion examined it.

"Hmm this is rare and old magic indeed. I believe the reason you could not crack it was that it requires two to break the spell." He told you.

You let out a sigh in relief, knowing that it wasn't entirely your fault that you couldn't figure it out. The Day Court High Lord explained what you had to do and how these specific wards worked. You actually learned a lot from him and were grateful for this experience.

The two of you worked on the box and eventually broke it open. Rhys stored the contents of it in his bag and began to talk.

"Alright, well thank you for all of your help. This has been very-" he started but Helion cut him off.

"You're leaving already? I had a whole meal and night planned, which included the finest wine we have to offer." He told you three with a smile that showed all his teeth.

You looked over at Cass who was already smiling at you and then Rhys who looked to be contemplating his next words.

"It would be rude to leave when they went through all the effort of putting it together for us." Cass spoke before Rhys could.

"So its settled! You're staying. I have rooms for you all so you can stay the night as well. Our wine is no joke, you probably won't be able to have three glasses before blacking out." Helion stated, leading you to the dining room.

The four of you ate a lovely meal, sharing stories and enjoying the wine. It seemed every time you would drink it, it would fill itself up. Perhaps thats why a few glasses would get someone drunk beyond belief.

Before you knew it, you were already feeling tipsy. You could tell the others were as well, due to their pink cheeks and loud voices.

"Are you guys interested in seeing how the Day Court parties?" Helion asked.

"Absolutely!" Cass responded.

"I'm intrigued." Rhys added.

You just nodded and giggled, knowing the wine was taking over quickly.

That was the last thing you remember from the night. Well, you remember dancing and laughing, a lot of laughing.

---

"I can't believe they did it again!" You heard Feyre speak.

"I can. I told you it was a bad idea." Nesta added.

Azriel just stood in silence watching the mess on the ground with a smile on his face.

He didn't care that he had to come help you after you had a fun night. He trusted you and he trusted his brothers. He secretly enjoyed getting to take care of you for the day. He was just concerned with you getting so drunk that your shields would be down.

Your eyes slowly opened and the feeling of drinking too much wine last night hit you. You were laying on your back sprawled out like a starfish. Everything hurt and you had no idea what you were even laying on.

You slowly began to roll over and continued rolling as if you were going down a hill until you hit the floor. Once you looked over, you realized you were laying on top of Rhys, Cass, and Helion, who were all bunched into a ball, and there was a...door laying between Rhys and Helion. You weren't even sure who's limbs belonged to who, they were so twisted up.

They all started to wake up after you moved off of them and all were groaning and grunting in pain.

"Is this what you call strictly business?" Az asked with a smirk on his face.

"Don't tell me we did it again." Rhys mumbled

"Cass why are you wearing my socks as gloves again?" you asked, holding your head to stop the pounding.

"At least I didn't go through a wall this time." Cass said in defense.

"Actually..." Helion stated as he raised his pointer finger and pointed it at the wall behind them, "we both went through that wall. Y/N sure can make one hell of a ricochet ward."

"Helion, you told me you would watch over them so it wouldn't happen again!" Feyre scolded him

"After you told me about how these three party, I wasn't going to let the night go to waste. I wanted to have some fun!!" He defended himself.

"So that's why my glass kept refilling itself!" You said in an accusatory tone, pointing at him.

"Ok I'm leaving for 20 minutes to let you four figure out what happened and once I get back I want to know everything." Nesta stated and Feyre and Az followed her.

"Well, it could be worse than this, I guess." Cass stated

"Could it?" Rhys retorted.

You grimaced and looked around as a memory hit you.

"Helion, did I ride a pegasus last night?" You asked

"I believe you did and I believe it bonded with you." He replied with a nod of approval.

You looked over at Cassian and only then realized he was entirely orange.

"What happened to you?!" You exclaimed.

"I don't know!" He replied starting to freak out.

"I can help with that one. You said you could pull off any color so Y/N bet that you wouldn't look good if you were orange." Rhys said, his voice rough

You looked at the orange male with a sorry look and said, "oops?"

"Rhys, why are you laying with a door on top of you?" It was Helion's turn to ask.

"I was cold." Your High Lord told him.

The four of you were silent for a few moments, just watching each other.

"You have a black eye." Cass told Rhy.

"You're missing a tooth." Rhys told Cass.

"Y/N warded my hand to make it stick to whatever it touches so when I peed, it got stuck to my..." Helion admitted, his voice getting softer towards the end of his sentence.

"Oh, Y/N, no..." Cass said in horror.

"You have got to stop drunk warding things." Rhys added.

You covered your face with your hands in embarrassment.

"This is worse than last time!" Cass exclaimed.

"Our 20 minutes are almost up and we still don't have our story straight. I mean, I don't even know how they knew to come for us. Do you guys?" You exclaimed

Cass and Rhys shook their heads no.

"I think I let them know their assistance would be needed in the morning... but I might have also sent them our breakfast order." Helion explained.

"Breakfast sounds so good right now" Cassian groaned and the rest of you made noises of approval.

"Ok, heres the plan. We pull ourselves together and act like we had a normal night with a normal amount of drinking." Rhys told the rest of you.

"They saw you using a door as a blanket!" You whisper-shouted at him.

"It's not the best plan but its the only plan we've got." He replied in the same tone.

"I think they're coming. Act natural." Cass whisper yelled.

Feyre, Nesta, and Azriel all entered the room and looked around.

You were leaning with your elbow against a wall, resting your hand on your head. Rhys was sitting on the couch with his legs crossed, his ankle resting over his knee while he pretended to be deep in thought. Helion was leaning against a table pretending to read a book. And Cassian was standing in the middle of the room with his eyes wide like a deer in headlights.

"You're all idiots." Nesta deadpanned.

"Rhys, how could you let this happen again?" Feyre spoke dissapointed.

Azriel was quiet so the sisters looked over at him, they were expecting him to scold the group as well. When he didn't, Feyre nudged him.

"Do you have anything to add Az?" She asked him

He was still just smiling at your attempt to be normal and shook his head no.

"I just want to get my mate home as quick as possible." He stated

Everyone snapped their attention to him, even you.

"Mate?" You questioned.

"Mate." he stated with a huge smile, "in the middle of the night, I recieved a breakfast order from Helion. I assumed that meant the four of you were incredibly drunk. I was going to let you have your fun and wait til you got home to poke fun at you but this morning I felt it snap into place."

You walked to each other and he wrapped his arms around you, bringing you in for a kiss. The urge to be close to him was stronger than ever now.

"Let's get home." You told your mate, bringing him in for another kiss.

"Quickly please, before the two of you start devouring each other's faces in front of us" Cass spoke with a gross look, but you knew he was happy for you.

Azriel lifted you up and started flying with you, headed back to the Night Court.

"Do you want me to make you some food once we get home?" Your mate asked you.

"No, I just want to get home as fast as possible. I need you." You told him, his eyes darkening at your insinuation.

"You seem to be feeling much better than when you woke up. I think I truly am the best hangover cure." He joked.

--

After you got home, the frenzy started and lasted a little over a week. Once it calmed a bit, you finally showed up to the River house for a nice family dinner.

Conversation was flowing and that night out got brought up.

"You know, I really don't remember much of that night." Cass said.

"I know everything that happened." Azriel spoke before taking a bite of food.

"WHAT?! How?!" You exclaimed.

"After everything that happened last time, I made sure to send a shadow with you for your safety. It hung back and watched, it would alert me if you were in real danger. Before we showed up to get you guys that morning, it reported back to me what happened the entire night." He spoke so matter of fact.

"Show me." Rhys told the shadowsinger.

You watched as a grimace overtook the High Lord's face, watching your entire night get played in his head.

"Yeah, the three of us aren't allowed to be alone together anymore." Rhys stated with a horrified look on his face.

"We want to know!" Cass complained.

Rhys replayed everything in your and Cass' mind. There was nothing but silence for a few moments.

"I'm deeply sorry." You told Cass with a grimace.

"You pulled my tooth out!" Cass shouted, jumping up.

"In her defense, you did tell her, 'I bet you can't pull my tooth out.'" Rhys added.

Azriel pulled your chair closer to him, wrapping an arm around you. The three of them might be idiots but he loved them and felt grateful for his family.

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[sexhaver]

im in this facebook group for a specific brand of rife energy machine (medical scam claiming you can cure LITERALLY anything with a waveform generator and EKG pads) and when i first joined a decade ago it was a way to make fun of crackpot "science" and conspiracy theorists but now it's just. so unbelievably fucking sad dude. every month or so there's a new user asking how to cure their cancer because everything else has failed or they can't afford it, and every time they get contradictory and unhelpful "advice" over a month or so until they eventually stop posting. i think the one that broke me was when some guy like this stopped posting and then his wife started posting like "hi all, Bill is currently in a medically induced coma, so he can't ask you for any more advice. the evil doctors at the hospital won't let me bring the rife machine into his room, could i take some of his hair and run the program on that?" and multiple people confirmed that yeah she could totally hook some EKG pads up to a detached clump of her dying husband's hair and that would definitely fix his cancer and if it didn't that meant she had some of the settings wrong. i don't believe in Hell but hope the inventor of this scam is there anyways