#like she bagged that and she RIZZED HARD

[elliesglock]

I’m sorry but P’s “you trynna see me?” Is even more hey mamas than a hey mamas. 😆😆😆 I love her sm.

like can she be original mannn. most stereotypical masc to ever live. she sounds like she trying to rizz somebody over snap 😭. like babe that's ur gf btw. i don't think p's game has ever changed like lil paigey would say the same thing to azzi...idk how lil paigey did it but she got the girl.

[hangup119]

ඞ JOIN GAME?

twenty-two. galvanized steel and eco-friendly wood veneers

warnings: spoilers for jujutsu kaisen (manga only), cringe brain rot 😓

NERVOUS WOULD BE A COMPLETE AND UTTER UNDERSTATEMENT FOR WHAT ANTON LEE CURRENTLY FELT. 

After he had made sure that the stream was officially over and that his camera was no longer running, he had made a quick dash towards the nearest mirror in a vain attempt of making sure he didn’t look too much of a try-hard with his outfit and hair. Only after making sure that he didn’t look like either, he gathered the last of his wits (what much was left after playing Resident Evil 4 for two whole hours anyway) and proceeded to make his way down to the lobby to finally meet the ”girl of his dreams,” according to the embarrassing, spur-of-the-moment tweet he had made earlier. He cringed just to even think back on it. 

“Where is she?” Anton muttered as he stepped out of the elevator, quickly looking around the relatively empty lobby for any sign of you, much to no avail. 

Well, this is  it, he thought while attempting to steel his nerves for the umpteenth time. This was the moment all previous chapters have accumulated to—the peak of countless weeks of having known each other online in and out of streaming and private DMs he would sometimes think about during the crack of dawn on a random Tuesday. He figured that there wasn't much to do now since he already hyped himself up while he was cleaning this morning, and recently just now when he was still five floors above. Sure, he probably looked real stupid when he kept repeating affirmations to himself (“your rizz is real, your rizz is real…!”) in front of whoever was monitoring the CCTVs today, but Anton realized that he was far too skittish about your short-notice meet up to truly care about others’ perception of him anymore. Which, in hindsight, was concerning. He wonders if he needs to schedule an appointment at the doctor’s…

“Boo.” 

Anton jumped lamely, cursing under his breath before having it immediately taken away when he turned around to face you. 

You blinked up at him.

“Woah,” you said, a bit surprised, “you’re so… tall.” 

“And you're so… short,” was his genius response. 

“What was that?” you asked darkly. Anton gulped nervously, but then you looked at him quizzically. “No, like, seriously, what’d you say? I couldn’t hear you properly; your voice is too soft, man.” 

Oh, okay. He almost breathed out a sigh of relief because you didn’t hear that.

“Nothing important,” Anton stammered, hastily ushering you towards the elevator doors without giving you a chance to say anything else. “Let’s just go. You wanna see the fish, right?” 

“But I—…” you trailed off, watching him hurriedly press the buttons on the wall. “Yeah, okay,” you breathed out eventually, awkwardly fiddling with the straps of your bag. When the doors finally closed, Anton stood back and glanced at you briefly. It didn’t go unnoticed however, as you quickly returned the look, offering him a small, steady grin.

“Hi,” you greeted. 

“Hi,” he nodded back at you, before tearing his gaze away. 

Anton didn’t bother to say anything else, and neither did you, so it was safe to say that the ride towards the seventh floor ended up being a little awkward, what with him trying to discreetly steal glances at you every now and then without you noticing, far too busy finding out what’s so interesting about the elevator ceiling. 

By the tenth urge, he realized just how hard it was to resist looking at you. 

Truly, incredibly, and scarily concerning. 

Now, don’t get it wrong: Anton’s not the kind to just fall for anyone that easily. Sure, he may be young and chronically online and knows too much brain rot-terminology for his own good, but he wasn’t some fourteen-year-old on Discord with a Ken Kaneki profile picture who’d join random servers that would probably die within three months, snag an E-Girlfriend within that time frame before breaking up with her because ‘LDR just won’t work out, babe, it’s not you, it’s me’ or however those situations would go. He was better than that, or so he’d like to think. (Although he was, unfortunately, a twenty-year-old on Discord.) 

Point is, Anton wasn’t stupid enough to fall for just anyone he met online—much less someone he met on Roblox Altitorture, for goodness sake! He can entertain the thought of finding them pretty through pictures he’s seen online, yeah, and he can entertain his friend’s teasing remarks about his supposed crush on someone he hasn’t even met, but Anton liked to believe that it never was that serious. He wasn’t that jealous over you sitting all alone inside another guy’s house, looking after another guy’s fish, or planning to spend another guy’s fifty bucks on useless micro-transactions he could buy for you as quick as lightning without you having to lift a finger (and he has!), and he definitely wasn’t that serious when he accidentally blurted out a sentence that could potentially jeopardize the fanbase he had been steadily building up since he was fifteen, right?

And inviting you over to his house under the pretext of taking a look at his fish (who was probably in both Sungchan and Shotaro’s hit list) wasn't that serious. 

…Right?

You’re just friends, Anton convinced himself when the two of you exited the elevator and walked towards his door. You’re just friends, Anton repeated inside his head as he typed in his PIN on the keypad. You’re just friends, he reassured when he finally swung the door op— 

“God, you’re so rich,” you muttered the moment you entered his condo, and all thoughts of denial Anton had repeating in his mind suddenly came running out the window as he watched you remove your shoes at the front. “You have all this space to yourself?” 

“My mom visits sometimes,” he squeaks out pathetically. 

You looked back at him, a bemused smile on your face and—oh, who was Anton kidding? You’re way prettier in real life compared to the pictures he saw on Sohee’s Facebook post, and whether that was a good thing for his mental health or not—well, he didn’t want to find out anymore. 

Wrongly assuming you’d head straight towards his fish tank, Anton found himself trailing after you as you started loitering by the living room. “Are these your parents?” you asked, signaling towards the multitude of frames on top of the wooden furniture. “You have a brother? He looks just like you.” 

“Oh, yeah,” Anton affirmed, moving to point at the photos. “That’s my mom, my dad, and my younger brother. Over there are my grandparents.” 

You whistled. “Wow, your mom’s really pretty,” you noted with a laugh, “she looks like she could be famous, or something.”

“Uh, she was an actress, actually.” 

Your smile dropped as quickly as it appeared. Anton had to stifle back a snort. 

“...For real?” you asked, carefully looking back at the picture and then towards him. He slowly nodded. “What? Don’t tell me your dad’s famous too? Your grandma? Your childhood dog? The mailman who steals your Amazon deliveries?” 

His silence practically confirmed it, and you squawked in response. (Though you weren’t too sure about the mailman. The grandma and the dog? Sure, since even his fish was famous.)

“My dad’s a music producer,” Anton elaborated, moving away from you to head towards the corner where his fish, the supposed star of the day, resided at. “He’s over in Korea, though, so I don’t see him as often anymore.” 

You followed after him, unsure of where else to go. “Your mom was an actress, and your dad’s some hot-shot music producer… and you decided to become a Let’s Play streamer?” you wondered to yourself, incredulous. Anton looked back at you indignantly, but you merely shrugged back at him. “I’m just saying, dude. You could be, like, I don’t know, a K-pop idol or something with those connections. Oh! You could be in NCT—what do you think of bright, green hair on those luscious locks of yours?” 

Anton gave you a scalding side-eye.  

“...Nah,” he eventually said with a  shake of his head, a wistful grin on his face. “It’s a little late for that.” 

You were about to say something else, something probably much more snarky to the absolute nonsense Anton responded to your suggestion with, but your words quickly died down inside your throat the moment a familiar shape of glass appeared in your vision. Anton promptly stepped aside to let you have your moment with his pet, unable to fight off the smile rising on his face as you approached the tank with wide, astonished eyes. 

“Stonerland,” you breathed out quite dramatically, finally witnessing the white betta fish swim inside his lonesome tank. “You’re real.”

You inched closer towards the glass, but remained mindful not to touch it per Leehan’s wise teachings. The light from inside reflected onto your eyes, splashes of green and white appearing in them. It would’ve been off putting to anyone else who was observing you, the you who was unblinking as you stared at the oblivious animal, but you didn’t seem to care. You were completely and utterly entranced, lost in your own little world. 

“...You’re so pretty,” you murmured, following Stonerland’s every move. 

Your gaze slowly moved towards him. 

“Right, Anton?” you asked, fully expecting him to be looking at the fish as well. 

Instead, you were met with him already staring back at you, like those romance K-Dramas Eunseok always made him watch with their cliché fireworks scenes that always had Anton’s eyes rolling whenever it inevitably came up. They were all just copies of one another anyway—Han River, fireworks, and the main couple having the space all to themselves when it really should have been packed to the brim with other couples because it was South Korea.; he really could have cared less about such things (even if Eunseok swore to him that they were “peak”).

“Yeah,” he breathed out absentmindedly. 

And because Anton always disliked watching those scenes, the thought of him doing the same thing, albeit at a different situation but with the same principle regardless, never crossed his mind. 

But now, inside his place—the Han River—and watching his fish—the fireworks—with only the two of you beside each other, Anton didn’t even have the chance to roll his eyes because he was too busy staring at you, like some cliché male lead in some cliché romance K-Drama. 

“Oh,” you said. 

And then Anton blinked, snapping himself out of his reverie. “What?” he sputtered out, looking away from you and towards Stonerland, before inevitably bringing his gaze towards you again, only to shy away when you caught him in the act all over again. He coughed out, “What were you saying? Sorry, I was… I was thinking about something else.” 

“Like what?” your head tilted to the side.

“Like,” Anton nervously began, licking his lips as he thought of something to respond with only to come up with blanks. “Like, uh—” 

His eyes landed on Stonerland. 

“—I was just thinking of ways that I could fortify his tank so evil, malicious forces won’t get to him…?” he cringed as the words just kept tumbling out of his mouth. “Because I’m low-key scared that if I invite the boys over, Sungchan and Shotaro will find a way to murder my fish when I’m not looking. Or something like that. I don’t know—I’m just getting bad vibes from them, you know? I might just be paranoid, though.” 

Anton immediately found himself desperately avoiding your gaze, feeling the tips of his ears turn red at how stupid he must have sounded just now. 

“No, I get it,” you said, which catched his attention. “Those two are definitely up to no good, since you practically memorialized the empire they worked so hard to destroy in the form of a fish. A small, helpless fish up against two grown men… yeah, maybe just don’t invite them over.” 

Anton looked at you hopefully, only to be immediately let down when you continued. 

“To be honest, if Stonerland was your pet fish in Minecraft, I’d probably blow it up when you aren’t looking too. Redstone engineering and all, it’d look like a whole fireworks show,” you added bluntly, watching the tank with blank eyes. After a second, however, you quickly look back at him with an easygoing smile, cheerfully saying, “Good thing Stonerland’s a real fish, right? So cute! Betta fishes are the best…” you sighed wistfully. 

You didn’t bother commenting on the look of absolute horror on Anton’s face, too busy cooing at his fish as if you had not just threatened to blow it up in another life. 

He looked at Stonerland—poor and unassuming Stonerland, oblivious to the evils surrounding him and his owner. He wasn’t even safe from the girl who kept squealing over him, simply because of his given name. Poor, poor Stonerland indeed. Anton briefly considered changing the unfortunate fish’s name, maybe install some galvanized steel beams around his tank and some eco-friendly wood veneers for extra protection just in the slightest case anyone would dare to think of hurting his precious betta fish, but he was definitely putting up a sign that had Sungchan and Shotaro’s names crossed off on his front door. 

He slowly turned to you, meekly saying, “Please don’t hurt him.” 

You looked at him, absolutely flabbergasted. “Stonerland’s a guy?”

“Yeah?” Anton’s eyebrows furrowed. “...You didn’t know?” 

“What!” you gaped. “But the fins…! It’s so pretty and long!” 

“Male betta fishes have longer fins, and they’re much leaner,” Anton explained, pointing at Stonerland’s white, flowy fins. “Shouldn’t you know this? Isn’t that Leehan guy you’re friends with a fish-expert or whatever?” 

You pouted. “Well, he is, but he doesn’t own any bettas… so I don't know if he knows anything about them.”

“Hm, so Leehan doesn’t know shit about bettas, the coolest fish ever. I see.”

He felt pride quickly bubble inside his chest when you looked at him expectantly. “Right, yeah! Bettas are so cool! And you know so much about them; that’s so cool!” 

“Nah,” he pretended to be humble, scratching the nape of his neck. “I just did my research.” 

“You should buy a black one,” you continued enthusiastically, “so they can swim together! Isn’t that cute?” 

Anton deadpanned. “Uh, they’ll probably fight to death if that happens…” 

“Oh, so like SatoSugu,” you said blandly. 

Yeah, whatever that means, Anton thought.

The both of you stayed there for a little while more, with most of it spent on useless chatter and you taking hundreds of photos of his fish, so much so that Anton worried whether your phone’s storage was about to reach its limit, however you didn’t seem to care. He honestly didn’t know what exactly was so enamoring about the fish—it was just some small living creature that came with flowy fins and a penchant for loneliness, and all it would do is swim and eat and live off of Anton’s paycheck, but he supposed that if you enjoyed looking at it so much, then he was fine with keeping it. Heck, he’d be fine with protecting it against Sungchan and Shotaro, if it meant that it would keep you happy to see it was still alive. 

Which is, again, concerning. Anton never meant for any of this to happen—he never meant for him to wake up on a random Friday and decide that he was gonna let you into his house when you were, at the core of this situation, just some girl he had just coincidentally met online—and at a kids’ game of all places. 

But between the calls you’ve shared, the jokes, the countless hours you’ve spent together playing games, and the private DMs you’ve shared where no one else could interrupt him teasing subtweets or obsessive ramblings from either shippers or haters, then Anton figured that getting Stonerland was worth all the trouble and money (and Wonbin’s constant whining at the bus) just to see you smiling towards the tank.

…So, yeah, maybe he was jealous of you sitting all alone in another guy’s house, watching another guy’s fish, planning on using the money you earned to purchase useless micro-transactions he could easily buy for you, and maybe accidentally blurting out a sentence that could potentially ruin his career was all the more worth it when you are literally standing right next to him now. 

Anton never thought that everything would eventually lead up to this moment, and he might not be extremely smitten with you right now the way those male leads in K-Dramas would be, at least he doesn’t think so, but what he knows is that there was already a tiny voice inside his head constantly saying that, eventually, at a moment when he least expects it, it will happen. 

“If you want, I can buy you a black betta fish,” he started, leaning his chin on his palm, “and then we’d have matching fishes. Just like SatoSugu, right?” 

You glanced back at him, a little bit shocked. But then your eyes twinkled, and a laugh escaped from your lips. Anton found himself smiling back.

“No way,” you said, “you don’t have to do all that. You already bought me some Robux.” 

“It was literally just twenty dolla—” 

You cut him off. “Plus, one of them dies anyway," you said grimly, your expression darkening. "Actually, they both die."

That quickly shut him up. 

You continued with a snap of your fingers. “You know what, I’ll just tell you their whole lore—no, wait, we should just watch Jujutsu Kaisen instead! Do you have a Netflix account? Let’s binge the first season.” 

Seemingly without a choice, Anton promptly handed you the remote to his TV, staring blankly ahead while he followed you towards his couch. 

It seemed that it was also safe to say that your online personality translated perfectly into real life. For better or for worse.

previous | masterlist | next

SYNOPSIS. not everyone is good at playing obby’s on roblox, and you’re no exception to this rule: after a particularly nasty encounter with another player on roblox’s altitorture, you log into twitter only to find out that the very same player who publicly dunked on your gaming skills turns out to be anton lee, a well-known streamer who also happens to be a friend of a friend. fed up with his fans bombarding your dms with teasing remarks or jealous musings, you decide to end it once and for all by appearing on his next stream with a promise to get through an obby successfully. however, you realize that the only thing you’ll be successful at is falling for anton lee instead.

AUTHOR'S NOTE. wooo first written chapter! what do you guys think so far??? i really like putting the pov on anyone else BUT y/n, it makes her more mysterious HAHA

TAGLIST. (closed) @shoberi @gisellessgf @serafilms @palchokitty @seunghancore @nujeskz @hisrkive e @alwayswook @emohoon @milktea-academia @kyusqult @dolloie @slutforjeno @meowbini @yizhuobberi @fae-renjun @kcharlyy @whoisgwyn @saranghoeforanton @au-ghosttype @gyehyeonist t @dodot04lover @outrologist @papichulomacy @odxrilove @maleegayuh @ilovejungwonandhaechan @dalsosapple @starwonb1n @tojis-luver r @slayhaechan @lakoya @he6rtshaker @rikianton @brachioswrld @woonagi-lemon @ffixtionista @endtostartbreathin @ki3ntot t @bidibaabidiboo @totheseok @astrae4 @hanbinniesmango o @daegale @regrool @sunflowerbebe07 @taroddori @miyawwn @snowyseungs @p-d1ddy

[algae-tm]

WE CAN’T BE FRIENDS

Oscar Piastri x Reader

Author’s Note: there’s a lot going on in this fic and I should’ve probs split it into two so I could do the storyline justice, but I’m nothing if not slightly lazy so that never would’ve worked. If you notice any mistakes please do let me know! Rn it’s 2 am and my visions blurred so I’m gunna post and hope for the best

I’m actually gunna recommend songs for this fic!!tbh just listen to Willow’s entire discography (apart from that one song with MGK) and if you want to give unholy a listen it is by Hey Violet (though I don’t know if I like the song or not, but it says what I needed the fic to say) and of course All I Wanted Was You is paramore! I hope you enjoy

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MESSAGES (OSCAR AND Y/N)

INSTAGRAM

youruser just posted

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 3,456,789 others

youruser: thank y’all for the love on unholy, the last slide is how I feel now that I’ve been let out the house!! Hot gal y/n is back!

view all comments

user1: OH WE ARE SO BACK!

user4: IS RHIS CONFIRMATION ?? IS THIS CONFIRMATION?? IS THIS BREAK UP CONFIRMATION

— youruser: girl, if the song wasn’t confirmation enough idk what is

sza: welcome back y/n the streets have been waiting for your return

— youruser: tell the streets I’ll get back to them, I have other plans

— oscarpiastri: 👀 👀

— youruser: gtfo

— landonorris: trouble in paradise?

user32: who’s the song about???

— landonorris: yeah y/n who’s the song about??? 🤨🤨

— youruser: I will block you norizz

— landonorris: oh shiver me timbers

oscarpiastri: amazing song y/n! So proud to call you my best friend

— user22: bro 😭 😭

— user32: either brother doesn’t like her at all or he just has no rizz

— user44: god the friendzone must hurt extra hard after she just released that song about you.

MESSAGES

TWITTER

MESSAGES

TWITTER

INSTAGRAM

youruser posted a photo

liked by lewishamilton, oscarpiastri, jonbatiste and 5,327,439 others

youruser: thank you all so much for all the love over the last month! I’m so glad you not only watched Queen Charlotte but that you loved it! As you all probably know I haven’t released much art in the last three years, but I never stopped making and art is forever. I’m now just so glad I can now share it with all of you. My new album empathogen is out now on all streaming platforms. Some familiar tracks on there, some not so familiar. Hope you guys enjoy!

view all comments

lewishamilton: 👏🏿👏🏿

— youruser: 🖤🖤

user10: can’t believe unholy isn’t on the album???

— user11: I mean I kinda can… all the other songs have much deeper meanings and the sounds are so much more complex…

— user13: that’s what I was thinking, unholy is giving forever 21 changing room, whilst the album is like, masterpiece level shit

—user17: thank god I’ve been arguing with people on twtr all morning about this,

— user32: it’s never that deep…

oscarpiastri: I’m in awe of what your mind can create 🧡

— youruser: couldn’t do it without my forever muse

— user21: 🤨🤨🤨🤨

— user32: y’all are we seeing this??

— user45: WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE HOUSE OF COMMONS????

— user67: lord help me I’m about to read too much into an interaction on the internet. But him adding a heart. Her not adding a heart. I’m drawing conclusions

— user76: please stop drawing conclusions 😭

jonbatiste: so much talent for someone so young, keep flourishing y/n

— youruser: thank you Jon for all your help 🖤

MESSAGES (OSCAR AND Y/N)

INSTAGRAM

youruser just posted

liked by landonorris, logansargeant and 8,234,567 others

youruser: I bagged myself an f1 driver y’all! I hear they’re in high demand good thing I got you, was scared I’d have to settle for Lando Norris.

view all comments

oscarpiastri: this is not the caption we agreed on…

— youruser: oopsie daisy… I’m just a girl?

— oscarpiastri: MY girl

— youruser: 🤤🤤 say it again

landonorris: now why am I in this??

— youruser: you saying you wouldn’t like to date me?? 🤨😔😟🙁☹️

— landonorris: What no I’m sure you’d be a joy to date

— oscarpiastri: hey watch yourself Lando that’s my girlfriend

— landonorris: I mean of course I would never date her

— youruser: ☹️☹️

— oscarpiastri: so you’re saying there’s something wrong with my girl Norris? Why wouldn’t you like to date her

— landonorris: I’m so confused

oscarpiastri just posted

liked by logansargeant, alex_albon and 1,237,789 others

oscarpiastri: making up for lost time, at least we have til the end of it

view all comments

user32: oh… his caption just called me single in 45 different languages

— user21: the difference between his and y/n’s captions is what had me cackling

youruser: can’t wait to spend eternity with you,

— oscarpiastri: unbelievably in love with you

— alex_albon: 🤮 gross

— youruser: @lilymhe come get your man

— lilymhe: @alex_albon why is showing affection gross albon? 🤨🤨🤨

logansargeant: I’m taking credit for this

— landonorris: hey now it was a team effort

— alex_albon: this is me erasure

— youruser: thank you all 🫶🏿 you could’ve done it like 4 years earlier but still thank you!

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

TAGLIST

@forevercaffeinated-lee

@callsignwidow

@a-beaverhausen

@emryb

@c0deincrazy

@dontworryaboutitokie

@c-losur3

@chuxk-lerclerk

@silkenthusiasts

@ietss

@sp1rl

[norris55s]

the feels - oscar piastri

kpop idol reader x oscar piastri social media au

a/n: if anyone has requests lmk! i’d love some inspiration

a/n: it’s a fun concept to think of the most normal guy in the world dating a kpop sensation. let’s ignore that dating is taboo in the kpop world and i fully made up an f1 calendar for this lol. face claim is sana from twice. 🫡 ps. we absolutely love seeing oscar win his first (sprint) race

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oscarpiastri

liked by landonorris, mclaren, y/nusername and 405,027 others

oscarpiastri: Japan has been great. (Yes, I had to go to Y/N’s concert.)

view all 1,852 comments

piastrinorris: oscar is a kpop fan? not on my bingo card

y/nmaniac: it’s the Y/N impact 💕not kpop, Y/N

papayaworld: i am genuinely asking, who is Y/N? i don’t know her

sugarrushy/n: she is a japanese kpop idol who is very big, specially recently bc of her viral single OMG. you should listen to it!! she also has other underrated bops

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y/nusername

liked by oscarpiastri, alphataurif1, yukitsunoda0511, and 1,027,399 others

y/nusername: i didn’t know racing cars could be so much fun! thank you wearelenovo for the invitation to the formula 1 lenovo japanese grand prix, and alphataurif1 for receiving me so kindly!! 😺😺😺

view all 5,038 comments

mclaren: You should come around our garage sometime, we know there would be people happy to see you in papaya orange 🧡

81lover: mclaren being oscar’s wingmen, we love to see it

ln4op81: LMAO, feeding on the oscar x y/n hype. in their defense, oscar’s post race interview didn’t help

himboscar: blud literally said “i almost hoped i wasn’t racing so i could go meet her but she saw me on the podium” and hoped we’d just let that go

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mclaren

liked by oscarpiastri, y/nusername, landonorris and 706,829 others

mclaren: We had to re-invite y/nusername to the Monaco Grand Prix for the McLaren experience. We think she’s having a great time and we have great results to show her.🫡🧡

view all 1,037 comments

y/nusername: thank you for having me😽🧡

oscarpiastri: Hype papaya girl 👧

mclarenussy: u got this, rizz her up

therealpiastri: he doesn’t have it don’t lie

y/nheart: honestly it’s pretty cute how he references her songs lol

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y/nusername

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, somsomi0309, and 1,037,824 others

y/nusername: the ETA world tour is over! 😿💕 i had the most amazing time seeing all bunnies around the world, and experiencing all the new things this beautiful planet has to offer. i’m looking forward to doing it all over again forever!!! i’m so grateful to everyone who made this tour possible, from all the crew, to the stylists, to the dancers, and as always my bunnies. here’s to the future!! 😻💕

view all 4,025 comments

oscarpiastri: 🎊🎊

piastricutie: baby get up

y/nusername: tysm for coming✨😺

landonorris: actually upset i wasn’t invited

y/nusername: next tour for sure 🎟️😼

y/ngirly: she’s snatching mclaren boys like pokemons and we love that for her

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f1waggosip

liked by 104,027

f1waggossip: The streets are saying our Oscar Piastri has actually managed to bag his girl crush, Y/N L/N, and her recent Instagram where she is using the same outfit she was pictured with hugging the Aussie in Italy seems to confirm it. She also posted a story of a beautiful dinner date. We likely will see her in the Monza paddock this weekend, after months of reportedly beginning their relationship long distance due to her tour and Oscar’s races.

view all 1,024 comments

maniacpiastri: holy FUCK

formulay/n: the fact that my worlds collided this hard what the helllllll how did oscar manage to bag that queen

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oscarpiastri

liked by mclaren, y/nusername, landonorris and 803,927 others

oscarpiastri: Pretty sure y/nusername is our lucky charm. Amazing P1 🏆😉

view all 3,037 comments

mclaren: We are willing to add her as a plus one for the rest of the year 🤝

landonorris: be a keeper mate

y/nusername: i think it’s all u ✨✨💕😸

thunderousy/n: THE HARD LAUNCH? THE COMMENTS? THE LUCKY CHARMS? IM COMBUSTING

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y/nusername

liked by oscarpiastri, mclaren, hyunah_aa and 1,203,028 others

y/nusername: f1 duties got me in an airport looking like i’m in a second leg of a more tiring tour, while oscar is shining and i’m not the one driving 200mph! 🙀

view all 5,024 comments

oscarpiastri: Sorry, we can’t lose the lucky charm😛

oscarpiastri: Also, you look amazing.

81racing: PLEASEEEE😭

mclaren: It’s the orange hair for us 🧡

y/nusername: temporarily repping for best end of season good vibes 🧡😼

darlingy/n: i love this man, he’s so sweet to her and he makes her so happy

————————————————————————

oscarpiastri:

liked by landonorris, y/nusername, carlossainz55 and 890,024 others

oscarpiastri: Season ended, and P3 in Driver’s Championship isn’t too shabby. I feel like a winner anyway, and my lucky charm will bring us to the next level next year. Thank you mclaren and Papaya Army! 🧡

view all 4,034 comments

y/nusername: great things will always come ur way 🧡🧡✨✨😸😸very proud of u

theoscarpastry: i am so unwell he is saying he won because he got the girl

y/nnation: bunnies love oscar, he’s so ken coded and y/n is the prettiest barbie

landonorris: 👊👊

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f1waggossip

liked by 153,024

f1waggossip: It is now Oscar Piastri’s turn to be a lucky charm, as he is seen attending the Mnet Asian Music Awards with Y/N, who is nominated for several categories tonight. We wish her the best!

view all 924 comments

y/nloverboy: he looks so happy to be her accessory for the night, we love it for her

oscarbabes: ken loves barbie

y/ngoddess: i am still astonished at how oscar even got y/n to take a second look at him but the superstar and chillest person alive combo is giving

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oscarpiastri

liked by y/nusername, landonorris, maxverstappen1 and 802,692 others

oscarpiastri: I love being the trophy boyfriend for the MAMAs’ Artist of the Year.👩‍❤️‍👨 Always proud of you, and always a pleasure to see you perform.😄

see all 3,733 comments

y/nusername: ur too sweeeet my baby 😿😿😽😽💕💕

y/nsbff: “my baby” sleeping on the highway 2nite

oscarwildflower: “trophy boyfriend” bathing with a toaster!!!

allmylovey/n: the most unlikely of relationships is giving everything that needs to be given

[sillygoose343]

COD But If They Were Gen Z Brainrot Things

COD but if they're brainrot. (I don't know what possessed me to do this, uni exams are causing me to tweak).

I formally apologise to: Simon "Ghost" Riley, John Price, John "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, Gary "Roach" Sanderson, Kate Laswell, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra, Nikolai, Phillip Graves, König, Kim "Horangi" Hong-jin, Vladimir Makarov

i did NOT take this seriously 🥴im jit yapping

🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺

Ghost - monday left me broken

Soap's dead, Roach's dead, Mara's dead (in the mobile comics), monday left him broken.

If I were to recount *all* of the shit that he had to go through, I would be here for awhile but I know we know what our Ghost had experienced, he's broken but he's still kicking! Onto Tuesday, Wednesday!

So I think it's a fair assessment for him to be monday left me broken

I also think he listens to the song unironically sometimes

Captain Price - smurf cat

Do I really have to explain this one?

I guess COD nation sees Papa Smurf in him but the thing about smurf cat is that it has a hat, therefore it must be Price

The resemblance is uncanny sometimes (it's just a hat)

i don't have much to say, it's literally just appearance-based for this one

Soap - prime and lunchly

soap is the type of guy to walk into the recording studio and come out with "from the screen, to the ring, to the pen, to the king, where's my crown? that's my bling, always drama, when i ring. see i believe that if i see it in my heart, smash through the ceiling, 'cause i'm reaching for the stars." look me in my metaphorical eyes and tell me im wrong

he would be guzzling down the cherry freeze after a long hard day of training

he likes his cheese drippy bruh

he kinda looks like haley welch if you squint

Gaz - gaining aura

I LOVE GAZ RAAAAH

Look at him? He literally can't physically lose aura?

I'm biased towards Gaz

Even breathing can earn this man aura, there is something innately charismatic and charming about Gaz to the point that even if he trips on air or accidentally walks around with an open bag, typically aura-losing activities, he just wouldn't lose any.

Look at him

He is Kyle "Gaz" Garrick.

Roach - cooked

well, technically, 'cooked' typically indicates that a food item has been processed through fire, at least usually

but i guess this is using the brainrot terminology, still, that changes nothing

cooked in brainrot means to be struggling, done for or that the situation is just bad, the entire brazilian militia being after his ass after he fell from the roof was one of his most iconic moments, he had many cooked moments in the campaign but that one truly defined him, he was, in fact, cooked

literally and figuratively

Laswell - galvanised square steel

galvanised square steel is an extremely durable material, is able to transform even the smallest 1mx1m square apartment into a fully functional multi-purpose home with the assistance of eco-friendly wood veneers and

as ghost put it, "laswell's still solid as a rock" except, she's as solid as galvanised square steel

she's reliable, resilient and shes like the foundation as the galvanised square steel while 141 is like the eco-friendly wood veneers

Alejandro - oil up

one could say that all men in cod could represent 'oil up' but i think alejandro embodies the 'oil up' phrase

im actually just straight tweaking when i say this but i think he'd have a similar community to orange peanut's if he ever became an influencer, like different content but his comment section would be filled with 'when are you going to oil up'

i also think he'd be the kind of guy to gladly oil up on request, granted there was an ample amount of oil

Rodolfo - livvy dunne

rudy doesn't really strike me as a rizzer more like a rizzee (im tweaking so hard right now)

he seems like the type of guy to get rizzed up by baby gronk and then promptly train for his gymnastics or something

there's not much to comment on here, just that he looks like the type of guy to be rizzed

Nikolai - metal pipe sound effect

nikolai is unique in the sense that i think he encapsulates the metal pipe sound effect rather than a phrase or a brainrot figure

i have a feeling that during violence and timing gaz would agree with me

i have a feeling that the butcher in mw2019 would also agree with me

he's a menace but no brainrot compilation is the same without the metal pipe sound effect so :333

Phillip Graves - only in ohio

that gif shows up when i search for ohio

i feel like this one is very self-explanatory

in some instances gyatt and ohio can be used interchangeably so i would also consider him having the dual position of embodying gyatt and ohio at the same time, lucky bloke

König - alpha wolf

furry könig skin

furry wolf skin, no further commentary needed

Horangi - 99% of gamblers quit before they hit big

that is just what he did

Makarov - skibidi toilet

we have all seen the smile skin

skibidi toilet is evil incarnate, poisoning the minds of the children, even in the lore of skibidi toilet it is evil and direct antagonistic villains towards camera head people, sounds just like makarov

the smile skin is like the mould on lunchly cheese, its the outward thing you see but the evil of skibidi toilet like makarovs evil is like the mould spores inside the cheese

🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺

it is now nearly 3am, im so failing my histology class man

[yurozo]

resident evil (university au headcanons)

a/n: this is purely based on the beginning of my last year :( feeling bittersweet

chris redfield: a third year sports medicine/kinesiology student. if you're looking for someone who almost always has a water bottle full of creatine in his bag, chris is your guy. he's never the type to dress up, especially because he insists on 8am lectures to 'increase his productivity', so he's usually in sweatpants and under armour compression shirts. he joined the rock climbing club at claire's insistence of getting involved around school, but is unfortunately still getting the hang of it. it's hard to lift all that bodyweight, so the majority of the time he just hangs there. has very little social life. he'll go to a party, drink a single beer, then leave. turns women down because it would mess with his schedule. he's paying a lot of money to be there, and save for a bit of attitude towards his professors, he takes his studies seriously. diet-wise, this man preps like a mfer. protein peanut butter shake at 7.30 am no exceptions, within a 20min time limit of his workout. the dorm fridge has an ungodly amount of boiled eggs. toxic trait: does that white man hand raise when he has a question, and usually only thinks about what he's going to say after his hand goes up. jill valentine:

sociology major, criminology minor. has her schedule perfectly planned out so nothing is before 10am. she can and will ignore chris' pleas to meet her on campus beforehand, usually preferring to go for a coffee before a lecture. is never seen without some source of caffeine in her hand. jill isn't a huge fan of sociological theories, instead choosing to focus on the statistics aspect of it.

her dorm room is an absolute nightmare. there is not a single space on her floor that is not covered in clothes, but has no shame in bringing people over despite this. she'll just kind of awkwardly shuffle them away with her foot to make a pathway.

isn't part of any clubs, mostly because she can't be fucked for that kind of socialization. people always hit on her during class anyways, so it's not like she's hurting for company. she usually hangs out with chris or claire on campus, goading chris into doing something with her or letting claire drag her along into studying. toxic trait: has a windowsill full of empty monster energy drinks. leon kennedy:

a math major, criminology minor. has absolutely handed in multiple sheets of homework with tear stains in the corners. for how nonchalant he seems to be on the outside, he really does take his studies seriously, and always shoots for a perfect gpa. he's primarily seen haunting the third floor library, always looking like he's in a perpetual state of agony.

despite all the silent attention he gets from people during lectures, he does not entertain it whatsoever. the man is there to learn. he has one class with jill where they sit in complete silence together save for a couple of witty jokes at the professor (or other students) expense. the professor both loves and hates him. he's a frequent visitor of office hours, but his assignment is always printed and crushed in his fist. he's had a few short-term girlfriends in university, but nothing long-term. he firmly believes that he has rizz, but he does not. most people just let it slide because he has that attractive weird aura around him. toxic trait: unironically shushes people during a lecture. claire redfield: engineering major, communication minor. another person who takes her studies fairly seriously. the fortunate thing about claire is that she doesn't particularly have to try, the good grades just descend on her from the heavens. it makes chris furious. however like jill, she is not a fan of mornings and is usually seen frowning angrily at the board.

has a friend with a house off campus to store her bike so she can fix it up on her days off, using her engineering notes of course. she's part of a few clubs, but isn't fond of being part of leadership or anything. claire goes purely for the vibes.

goes on a couple strings of dates with guys, but always refuses to go out with people from her classes. she's seen it crash and burn so many times that she's not doing herself. will, however, recommend other people to her brother. toxic trait: pulls up to campus at 9am with the loudest motorcycle engine known to man, and always slams her helmet down on her desk when she sits down.

[oshygoshy]

6:37 pm

word count - 907 words

warnings - kuroo is a loser also shitty writing, not proof read much

a/n - happy bday kuroo this is ass lowkey but i'm sorry i'm trying my best. i hate university i'm so busy and stressed but at least my suitemate got a kitty and she's so soft and warm and cute slay

anyways yeah kuroos a loser with no rizz...sorry. he's kicking his feet and giggling over 1 (one) interaction

there was a man. in your spot. at the library.

it was (unfortunately) finals week, meaning you were one more quiz away from a certified crash out, and one more discussion post away from taking a swan dive off the closest bridge. your left eye was twitching, you were running on less than the healthy 8 hours of sleep, and you were drinking your second energy drink of the day.

you were supposed to go to the library on campus to Your Spot, the one you have reigned supreme over for the past few months. it was quiet, on the 4th floor, away from everybody working on group projects below. it was secluded, off in the corner. it had a nice charging block with multiple outlets available, and it had a pretty view of some trees with some sunlight that would warm you as day faded into night.

it was perfect. it was beautiful.

and it was currently being taken by some guy.

your eye twitched again. you debated shoving him out of your chair, or pouring your drink over his computer, or maybe just glaring at him and biting his shoulder like a rabid animal (the aforementioned crash out from above), but you recognize that starting and escalating an altercation is not productive, and also that a homicide charge won't add anything to your gpa.

so you sighed, resigned, before making your way to the empty table a few feet from Your Spot. but you decided to do some investigative research (read: spying) to figure out what could possibly be so important for this man to study that he needed to take Your Spot. you quickly peek over his shoulder, scanning for his notes and computer.

“net profit…statistical probability…essay for…”

your eye twitches again. statistical probability? net profit? no fucking way Your Spot was taken by a business major?? a finance bro? an absolute buffoon?? did they even have finals, other than a coloring page? 

fuck you, mysterious business guy. fuck you. 

you were just about to leave when your eyes left his desk-

-and locked eyes with him. 

he...he caught you staring!!

wait. no. you caught him stealing your spot, and then you decided to snoop a bit, rightfully so! he's in the wrong here!!

"um, do you need something?" he asked, an easy smile on his lips. 

his eyes were hazel with golden depths, and though his hair was messy and his eyes tired, you could still see the gleam of a piercing (and honestly, kind of hot) look to them. 

"...no," you say. 

"you can have this table, if you want," he said, beginning to pack up. "i'm almost done here anyway." 

"oh no, you don't have to-"

"but don't you sit here everyday to study?" he whispered, standing up. you realized just then how tall he was. 

you catch his words after a second (you were not distracted by the height difference!), and stare at him hard. "what are you, a stalker? how do you know where i sit?"

he shrugged, zipping up his bag and hoisting it onto his shoulder. "well you sit in the same spot on the same floor like clockwork every night, so it's kind of hard not to not notice."

you rack your brain, trying to remember if you ever saw a guy like him sitting nearby you in the library. it would be hard to forget someone who looked like him (respectfully, and because he is tall and for no other reason!!!), but for some reason, you couldn't remember seeing him at all. maybe he really was a stalker?? "well why did you decide to take my spot then anyway, stalker?" you huff, annoyed. 

he had started leaving by now, and brushed your shoulder on the way out. he looked over his shoulder with a smile full of charm. 

"because i wanted an excuse to talk to someone pretty like you, of course," he said with a grin. "see you next week."

he left his crush standing jaw open as he nonchalantly scurried away. jesus christ, he never realized just how hard his heart would beat when he spoke to you.

he liked how focused you looked when you worked on your assignments, or how your finger tapped restlessly against your pencil when you came across something difficult. it was just a little school crush, really, and he shouldn't be looking too much into it. but when he got to the library today and saw someone had stolen his spot a few tables away, meaning that he could sit in yours and get an excuse to talk to you...well, he was just a little bit giddy.

he opened the old groupchat from his high school days. a lot of his friends from nekoma were busy with their own lives, but they still kept in touch to this day.

kuroo: guess who go to talk to their crush todayyyy yaku: you finally gained the guts? wow, how impressive. i'm sure they're head over heels for you now. kai: congratulations on saying hi!! kenma: stalker kuroo: i hate all of you.

he couldn't contain his little giggle. maybe next time, he would have the confidence to ask to sit next to you.

[struwberrii]

Hi! I love your American high school headcanons! Do you have any headcanons for the Karasuno third years hehehe

haikyuu!! at an american highschool ⋆⭒˚.⋆

thank you for the request!! hopefully u all enjoy ^.^

pt. 1, pt.2

characters: tanaka, noya, kiyoko, sugawara, daichi, asahi

🫧𓇼𓏲*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐

tanaka

there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll actually show up to class

drives the most beat up busted car with no tint and no bumper

he and noya in the parking lot blasting music with the windows down

cafeteria lunch defender

probably pulled the fire alarm at some point as a joke

teachers have to tell him to pull his pants up bc he sags 😭

speaker in his bookbag

has been high in class multiple times

literally has no school supplies

does interview in the halls with his phone as a mic and is constantly getting humbled by pretty girls

somehow pulled kiyoko (everyone rips on her for dating him)

falls asleep in class and snores

bro is not graduating 😭

he and noya troll teachers

noya

uses a children’s bookbag bc he thinks it’s funny (people think he’s actually a child)

tanakas #1 meat rider

always making mildly gay comments and everyone in their friend group gets so mad at him

gym try hard

doesn’t have a car but skips in the bathroom sometimes

probably smoked one time and saw literal demons now he’s too scared to ever do it again 😭

his mom drops him off at school

another boy the girls have to hit with the “hear me out”

actually gets his work done but hardly passes

brings like whole family packs of cookies for lunch

crocs all day everyday

makes fart noises in class then blames it on other people

let’s his friends hype him up to ‘rizz’ up girls and 9/10 the girls laugh at him (poor guy lol)

kiyoko

unproblematic and everyone loves her

guys probably spread rumors about her when she rejects them but nobody believes them

you either want to be her or be with her

half ap classes

accidentally starts trends (like fashion trends)

tries to help tanaka with his work but he doesn’t ever pay attention

the only thing people criticize her for is going with tanaka 😭

quiet and keeps to herself

takes super neat notes

drives a pretty nice car and it always smells like japanese cherry blossom

always has one airpod in too

probably class buddies with suga and asahi

girls in the grades below her view her as like big sister

takes low effort instagram pictures and always ends up on the explore page with thousands of likes

suga

takes ap classes

the best and safest driver and offers everyone rides

sketches and doodles on the corners of all his assignments and notes

color coordinated notes with pastel highlighters

people think he’s gay but he just likes cute stuff

shit talks with teachers

everyone trusts him and he is very reliable

boy next door

has the cutest keychains and pins on his bag

‘takes notes’ on his ipad but actually just plays roblox

probably has a job at like a pet store or bakery

daichi

him and suga are the unexpected best friends bc they’re so different

spends all his free periods in the gym working out

has social media but never uses it

drives a truck but isn’t annoying about it

curbs #1 enemy

has really random knowledge about dumb stuff, like you could be complaining about your ankle hurting and he knows exactly how to fix it

he does not tolerate disrespect, shuts it down real quick.

plays cod during his free time

takes all regular classes but his grades never fall below 90s (As)

him suga and asahi get lunch together off campus at least 3 times a week and he always drives

working out 24/7

asahi

works at barnes and noble or a coffee shop

has a car but never drives because it makes him anxious

gets rides from suga

plays word cookies in class

smells really good and citrus y all the time

the craziest rumors go around about him, like about him being a grown man and being held back or being a criminal

nicest guy in the entire school

staff has stopped him in the halls multiple times because they thought he was a grown man and had to see his school ID 😭

always gets vending machine frappes

dresses like a youth counselor

watches movies during class

underclassman call him unc

[aloesarchives]

If you don’t mind me asking, how did Yuuji and Nobara react to Megumi’s dad being the infamous Sorcerer Killer?

Yuuji and Nobara share the same reaction because they share the same brain cell lol.

When they first meet Toji, they thought he was a chill dude that happened to be a hot dad. Both of them knew where Megumi got his looks from. Their first impression of him was he wasn't so bad. They also met Toji on accident when they went to see Megumi at him and Reader's home. Toji answered the door in only a grey tank top and black sweats. Yuuji and Nobara were like "who is this hot dude at Fushiguro's house?!" Then Megumi pops up behind Toji before shoving him to the side to make way for his friends to come in.

But there were bits and pieces they picked on that knew he was different. Yuuji's main one was seeing how muscular Toji's body is when he saw him training in the courtyard when Megumi told him to come over to his house before they go into the city for a mission. Nobara's was Reader's vague and subtle statements that hinted at Toji's fighting abilities. But, like Megumi, they heard the through the grape vine about Toji's epithet but both couldn't see it because Toji never presents himself as intimidating around them.

It wasn't until they saw Megumi get single handedly cooked by Toji without breaking a sweat. That's when they knew Toji was the real deal. Then with the whole reveal Reader did about Toji's involvement in the star plasma vessel incident, it pretty much solidified Toji's deserving title. Especially when they found out how Toji defeated Suguru and Satoru, even killing Gojo at one point. Their special grade teachers, noted to be the strongest in Jujutsu society, were beaten by a man who possessed no curse energy nor technique.

Their reaction were both awe and shock. They weren't necessarily afraid of Toji. Mostly because that's Megumi's dad and Reader's husband, and by the looks of their family life Toji isn't abusive or evil towards them. In fact, they could tell that Toji was very present in Megumi's life, considering their constant banter and bickering. Additionally, Reader is like Toji's handler. So if he does try something, she'll get the spray bottle and spray it in his direction. And they KNOW Toji never talks back to Reader.

Anyways, they were shocked because they didn't know that Toji was capable of doing any of that. That and for an absolute unit of a man to be Megumi's father is surprising because him and Megumi act completely different to each other. The only thing they saw in common was their flat expressions and occasional grumpiness. They were in awe as well because he is powerful in his own right to be able to take down sorcerers with minimum scars.

They were mostly just shocked because he seems like a chill DILF who loves his wife and kids, not a person that killed people for sport. But when they heard everything that Toji's done in the past, Yuuji and Nobara just said "Okay, I can see that now. That makes sense." They are aware that Toji isn't purposely being deceptive towards them and what he did was in the past. They mostly just roast Megumi every now and then about being related to Toji. But not all the time out of respect for Megumi since Toji is his father and that's his family business.

Nobara: Still can't believe Fushiguro has a dad like that! Toji-san is super human and Fushiguro is. . . well, Fushiguro. . .

Yuuji: Kugisaki! We can't say that about Fushiguro-kun like that! But then again, Toji-san did bag (L/N)-Sensei so maybe he got rizz.

Nobara: If you think Fushiguro got rizz for being an blunt anti-social person, you must be smooth brain, Itadori!

Megumi: Will you two just quit it?! Stop talking about my old man like that, he isn't all that! Plus, it's the other way around. Out of the two, my mom has the most rizz. She rizzed up my dad so hard he became a stay-at-home dad and husband. My mom literally domesticated my dad! Get your facts right, you two!

[11queensupreme11]

So Percy bagged daddies from

* the Greek pantheon

* the abrahamic/philistine pantheon

* the Norse pantheon

* the Egyptian pantheon

* and now the Celtic pantheon

This is so fucking amazing 😭 I don’t think anyone has ever ✨it girl✨-ed as hard as Percy

she went from this

to rizzing up seven daddies from different pantheons 😍😍😍

no one's doing it like our girl!!!! 😎

she's an ✨it girl✨, a ✨wifey✨, a ✨mother✨

[miupow]

‧₊˚✩彡 𝘿𝙐𝘼𝙇𝙄𝙏𝙔 | 𝙝.𝙠𝙠ೀ

pairing. hueningkai x fem!reader rating. NSFW, MDNI! words. 1.3k warnings. (for later chapters) graphic depictions of rough sex/bdsm, hard dom!kai, sub!reader, f2l. (for this chapter) not much! suggestive language, a lot of swearing. gyu being a loser. kai gets exposed synopsis. your roommate's friend was cute, but he wasn't your type. At least, you thought he wasn't.

next | masterlist

shoutout to @pressthehurtbutton for helping me recover duality :3

You don't remember when Friday night get-togethers became "let's all listen to Beomgyu complain" get-togethers, but you could hardly complain-- hearing about your friend's failed attempts at wooing his coworker made you feel infinitely better about your own love life.

"I just don't get it," Beomgyu sighs deeply, swishing his beer around like he was debating on some deep philisophical theory. He was squished into the side of Taehyun's too-small couch, legs hanging off of the armrest and head awkwardly lying on Soobin's broad shoulder. "I'm hilarious and I'm smoking hot-- why is it so hard for me to find a girlfriend?!"

"That's because you're a loser." Your roommate, Yeonjun snorted. He was splayed out on the other end of the couch, effortlessly beating Soobin, Beomgyu and Hueningkai in Mario Kart, legs manspread so wide Taehyun (who was squished against Soobin's other side) looked about ready to hit him.

"I don't know, have you tried asking her out instead of following her around like a creep? She probably thinks you're stalking her." Taehyun snickered, very engrossed in his phone. You could see him trying to close Yeonjun's legs with his knee. It was not working.

"Also, you have no game." Soobin added, tonguing the inside of his cheek as he concentrated on the game. You were fairly sure part of the reason why he was losing so badly was because both of his arms were constricted to his sides. "Absolutely zero rizz, dude."

"Zero rizz," Hueningkai echoed with a giggle. Forever the smart and resourceful one, he chose to sit cross-legged on the carpet instead of squeezing himself on the couch-- you followed suit, not wanting to be in a sweaty sandwich with your roommate and his buddies. "I bet you haven't even said a word to her."

you sat with Kai near Yeonjun's legs, head propped up on the front of the couch as you snacked on popcorn. Hueningkai successfuly threw a blue shell at Yeonjun's kart-- your roommate's legs kicked out sharply, almost hitting you square in the head, and he let out a sharp "FUCK!"

"I have!" Beomgyu defended, sounding very much like a petulant child. "I talk to her all of the time! I asked her for her number, I made her a spotify playlist, I walk her to her car every night after our shifts--"

"None of that is asking her out though, hyung." Taehyun still hasn't looked up from his phone. "Did she give you her number?"

"No!" Beomgyu whined loudly, making everyone wince. "She said I haven't earned it yet!"

"It sounds like she's playing hard to get, maybe? Girls like it when guys pine." You supply, talking instead of listening for the first time in a while. You loved Beomgyu like a brother, and while it was funny to listen to his failed flirting you did want him to actually, you know, be happy. Plus he seemed to care about this girl beyond what her cupsize was, which was a pretty big deal for Beomgyu.

"More like she wants him to leave her alone." Hueningkai snickered back. “Hyung, I’ve not seen you this down bad since, like, grade school.”

“At least he’s not filling us in on his latest hookup,” Soobin shrugged, or at least tried to-- Beomgyu was now purposefully sitting on him. “Beomgyu might be a simp but I honestly see this as an improvement.”

“I’m not a fucking simp!” Beomgyu squawked, feigning hitting Soobin over the head with his controller. “I at least get more pussy than you losers— when was the last time Kai managed to bag a girl without her running away screaming first?”

The boys all laughed-- even Taehyun, which was weird--as if Beomgyu had made a joke that made sense. Kai? Scaring away girls? You’ve known him for years now, him being Yeonjun's friend and all, and while you didn't know him inside and out you were fairly sure he still slept with stuffed animals. Jesus, last time you had come over his only priority was showing off his Gundam.

“I think Kai would be the one running away screaming, honestly,” you laugh, expecting the others to follow, but you were quickly met with awkward silence. The boys all looked at you oddly, especially Beomgyu, who looked both deeply betrayed and like he had just gained some arcane secret. “…What? This is Huening we’re talking about, come on.”

“Yeah, Huening.” Beomgyu started, looking at you like you had grown an extra head. “It's always over when he starts going Fifty Shades on them."

"He starts going what?!" You sat up very suddenly, whipping your head around to stare at Hueningkai incredulously-- he was refusing to look at you, starting very intently at the TV screen, even though the game had ended minutes ago. The tips of his ears were cherry red. "You start going what?!"

"Oh my God, she doesn't know!" Yeonjun cackled madly, turning to look incredulously at Taehyun, who looked back with a wild grin. "She doesn't know!"

"I don't know what?" You felt a little betrayed by Taehyun, you had to be honest-- if anyone would have kept their head on, it would have been him. "Kai, what are they talking about?"

Kai was still refusing to make eye contact with you, instead glaring sharp daggers at his friends-- he genuinely looked angry, which was an emotion you weren't used to seeing on Hueningkai. "Don't worry about it, they're being dicks--"

"Hueningie likes to beat girls!" Beomgyu sang, his cute corner dimples popping out in his delighted, evil smile and making him look absolutely devilish. "He likes to treat girls like sluts!"

Kai was very very silent and worryingly still, nearly burning holes in the carpet with his stare. You furrowed your brow, blanched— that wasn’t the reaction you were expecting from him at all.

"There's no way you have no idea, Y/N, I mean-- you're joking, right? You've known him for forever now." Soobin cut in, looking genuinely confused.

"You've been in his room! Like, a thousand times!" Yeonjun laughed. "He's so fucking bad about putting all of his gross shit away-- once I saw handcuffs still attached to the headboard!"

You blinked.

This had to be some sort of joke. They were fucking with you, they had to be. "Are you trying to tell me that Hueningkai, OUR Hueningkai, is-- no he's not?! Have you met him? He collects Squishmallows!"

"You haven't looked under his bed yet, then." Taehyun snickered, once again on his phone-- you spluttered, both at his words and his nonchalance. Kai was still eerily silent.

"You've got to be joking. This is a joke. I don't think Kai's seen a pair of boobs in his life--"

"I’m not a virgin, you know." Hueningkai muttered stiffly, looking at you for the first time in a while. The residual anger he had for his friends lingered on his blushing, usually lax face, staring you down with an intensity you didn't think he could muster-- your stomach flipped hard, nearly having you recoil under his stare.

It took you an embarrassing second to register what he even said. "Oh. Um--"

"I'm not some fucking loser." Hueningkai repeated, voice calm but deep, deep dark, and it hit you quite suddenly that he was actually upset with you, not his friends. You had never heard Kai swear before. "Is it really that hard for you to believe? You don't know me.“

“Um, I—“ you spluttered, opening and closing your mouth like a fish.

“It’s like you think I'm some spineless, bitchless nerd or something-- it pisses me off, honestly, and I'm getting really fucking sick of it."

You were unable to choke out any words at all as Hueningkai pulled himself up sharply from the floor and stomped away into his room-- It was awkwardly silent for a few deeply conflicting moments, but Beomgyu was quick to pick back up the laughter.

"Someone's mad! Better watch out, Y/N, Hueningie might punish you for that!"

[lmskitty]

It's time for another fic rec babyyyy!!!!!

Good LORD we are blessed in this fandom. Here are a bunch of incredible writers and fics that I devoured recently and loved every second of. No joke a bunch of these made me properly cry, they are incredible pieces of work and everyone should read them!!

Starting with Honesty Corner by @duckiemimi

College AU satosugu with pizza delivery guy Geto and Utahime/Shoko in the background!!! My fave thing about this was Utahime and Gojo's friendship and the Hasaba twins. The smut is perfection, the characters are so on point and the story just reads beautifully!

I'm gonna cheat and include three works by my beloved @thequeenofsarcaasm all should bow down to her. This counts as 1 because it's in the same AU of hers but god damn I love the way she writes so MUCH. The way the Queen writes love and the way satosugu talk to each other is so spot on for an established couple and it made me so happy because it reminded me exactly of the dumb shit I say to my husband. I'm a sucker for married besties I can't help it 😭. It's just wholesome loveliness. I shouldn't pick faves also but Tsumiki I love you and you deserve the whole universe.

Satosugu family AU. The boys do their best to become good dads and learn and teach their kids as they go along. It hit me so hard as a parent and I loved every moment!

Milestones

Sex Education

Conversations I wish I had with my parents (this was a gift to me and I died on impact I am a ghost now)

Satisfied by rosegoldyoonseok - BDSM Satosugu incredibleness. Just wow. Suguru Geto brat tamer in action. It's too much. I re-read it like every week. I adore it. If you ever catch me staring into the distance I'm thinking about the car scene in this fic.

To feel is to Love by @cj-ackerman17 this one made me SOB. It's so full of love and warmth and god. It's just wonderful.

In another universe, instead of his eyes being the most powerful asset, Satoru is blind. Because of this, he’s mostly alone, unable to be the star child his high-ranking parents wanted him to be.

It’s Suguru Geto that makes him believe he deserves to be loved, and that he is seen. Suguru learns that to feel, is to love.

If you want to read like the greatest love story ever read this fic. It's one of the most romantic things I've read in a long time and the depth into the characters past is incredible. It even made me like Toji. It's that powerful.

@justrustandstardust, the Queen of satosugu comedy is at it again.

5 Times Gojo Satoru Tries to Rizz Up Geto Suguru and 1 Time He (Kind Of) Succeeds

is amazing but now we have a sequel!!!!!

5 Times Gojo Satoru Tries to Bag Geto Suguru and 1 Time He Gets Bagged Himself

Already I'm obsessed. Hotdogumi. Someone call child protection for this boy please. If you want a good time I can literally recommend ALL of their work. @justrustandstardust does comedy SO well. It's perfect.

[autisticrosewilson]

You have any Wilson family headcanons to spare? Especially on Rose & Grant?

DO I EVER!!! Gosh where do I even start

I mentioned to a friend of mine the other day that I think Slade was a leash kid, and I stand by that whole heartedly. He wanted to raise Grant as a leash kid too, simply because he thought you were supposed to, but Adeline threatened his life so it never happened. This was the first of many times he was confronted with the concept that maybe his home life wasn't great.

He would not even begin reflecting on this until almost a decade later. He still doesn't really consider himself a victim and honestly most of his shitty parenting comes from him just having no clue what he's doing. He's aware that he's bad at it, but instead of trying to improve he just tries to avoid his kids in hopes that they'll be better off without him.

Also he grew up in 1950's-60's Appalachia, I think he's more superstitious than he lets on. I imagine he grew up hearing about family curses and old wives tales, and while on some level he recognizes that Fran likely just used those stories to cope with the situation there's also a part of him that believes it for the same reasons she did. He's not a victim, he can't be, so it must not have been abuse. Which eventually turned into him just kind of accepting that he was always going to be a bad father, that there was never a chance for him to have a family and any attempt he makes will just end up worse than the last.

It makes it easier to maintain his self imposed isolation that way.

Adeline is a lot more interesting than people give her credit for. I like to think she was born and raised in a big city like New York or maybe Gotham if I wanted to be funny. She was definitely a wild child, and that was something that didn't change during her first marriage.

I truly do believe that Count whats-his-face (I don't care enough to look him up) tried exactly once to hit her and he ended up with three bullet wounds that all knicked arteries. It was his only warning and he was smart enough to know that.

Addie is loyal to the end, she's the kind of person that steadfastly refuses to let go of people she cares about. In basically ever version of her story she tries, she tries so hard to make things work. I once compared her to the Greek myth of Medea and I think about the comparison often.

I also think that Adeline was always her father's daughter, whether she liked it or not. I don't remember if it was canon that she was raised primarily by her dad but I only remember her dad being mentioned so I think she grew up in a single parent household and was mostly left to her own devices as a kid. She probably grew up really close with her cousin, most people probably thought they were sisters.

Mayflower fucking HATES Slade, she was advocating for the divorce before they were even married. I know in my heart she was Slade's biggest hater. Her and Slade talked mad shit about each other but they were also gossip buddies for the longest and it was the only thing that stopped her from beating his ass all the time.

SladeAddie is so toxic Bi4Bi coded. Really funny to me that Addie was probably older than Slade, do you know the kind of rizz you have to possess to bag a milf that could kill you in 20 different ways before you could blink? One who's already been divorced? What charm was this freshly 18 year old drop out exuding to be pulling like this?

When do you think he told her that he lied to the recruiter about his age and he wasn't actually 23 or whatever? Did he ever tell her? Did she figure it out herself? It was literally never addressed but I think about it all the time.

Slade is definitely still mildly in love with her and falls a little all over again every time she deals him grievous bodily harm. I don't know his thing for people who hate him is probably a self conscious way to punish himself for sucking all the time.

Billy and Alfred being friends is a headcanon that I literally never stop thinking about. Why wouldn't they be old friends or whatever? They have tea the 4th Tuesday of every other month. They complain about their respective morons and brag about the kids they have to take care of because their morons won't.

Billy is definitely a British rock fan and he fucking HATES country music. Slade starts playing it in the car and Billy threatens to crash the whole car just to make a point.

He's like maybe 5 years older than Slade if I'm being generous about it, he just looks older next to Slade because he's not hopped up on super serum.

He's the one Rose gives her father's day gifts to <3

SladeBilly is canon to me, no way Slade is capable of spending that much time with someone without sleeping with them at least once. It might be the healthiest relationship he's ever had with anyone and Billy barely tolerates him.

Lilian Worth my beloved,,,,,,they gave her such a white ass name. I choose to believe that she changed it later on for anonymity. Chea Nath is a name she hasn't used in a while, but it's still one she holds dear.

She seems like someone who was really into ballet, and probably someone who was really good at it too.

She's one of those characters that we don't really have any information on, which leaves a lot of wiggle room backstory wise. I probably write too much about characters with poor backgrounds (surprise your bitch grew up impoverished) so I guess I'll let Lili have this one.

Diplomats daughter, her and her mom were really close growing up, and she seems like she grew up with sisters. She's got that middle sister energy to her, growing up everyday was a fight and let's just say she didn't lose often.

If Adeline is Medea, Lili is definitely Circe. Versatile, powerful, a man hater, and she'll do anything to protect her girls.

Honors student, her grades never dropped below an A- and she has degrees in everything from fine art to communications. Rose went to college purely because her mom made it clear that not going was not an option.

Grant is one of my favorite characters. Ever. He's definitely an old school country enjoyer, much to Billy's chagrin and Slades secret delight.

He was the boy who climbed up the tallest trees to prove he could and then came home with a thousand little scrapes on him.

He has a bee allergy.

He's the least enhanced of his siblings but he still has a meta gene, I think the reason the H.I.V.E. serum didn't activate it like it should have is because his power was the mental kind and not the physical kind so his body couldn't hold up against it even while his psychic powers were getting stronger.

Painted his nails one(1) time, it was a dried up iridescent blue that Addie dug up and was going to throw away but Grant wanted to try it. He didn't know what nail polish remover was though so he scraped his teeth on his nails to get it all off but he couldn't get all of it and he almost cried so hard he threw up at dinner that night because he was scared of Slade noticing (Slade didn't notice and wouldn't have cared if he did).

Thought he was SO stealthy when he snuck out but literally everyone knew because he always came home smelling like weed, hungover, and he went to school in the same clothes he wore to go out. Most of the time Addie didn't care (See above: "former wild child") but Slade "Biggest loser in his hometown" Wilson always had an issue with it.

Officially his tomb is located in the Kane family plot but he's actually buried in Slades hometown next to his grandmother. (Adeline is not aware of this)

Joey was actually the one who pulled most of the pranks when they were kids, but Grant always took the fall. Mostly because literally no one would believe it even if Joey said he did it. Which he tried to do, many times.

Grant taught Joey to make flower crowns but he never admitted it because he thought it made him look weak. He still keeps the few that Joey made for him though, they're basically turning to dust in the drawer he hid them in to this day. They're one of the few things that weren't torn down and shoved in the attic after his death.

Joey still celebrates Grant's birthday every year, him and mom play The Last Man by Clint Mansell on the piano because it was his favorite piece to play before he stopped because it wasn't "cool".

Grant tried to get Joey to come with him when he ran away but Joey didn't want to leave Addie. Joey ended up moving into Grant's old apartment, he often thinks of what life would be like if he'd taken up the offer.

Grant is THE ass hole big brother from the late 90's/early 2000's. Down to the mullet and the shirt with the sleeves cut off. He used to steal Addie's eyeliner and she would get so mad because that stuff is EXPENSIVE and he's just smearing however. She teaches him how to do it properly but he says it makes him look "too girly".

Grant's picture is the only one in Slades wallet because he doesn't have to worry about putting him in danger anymore.

DON'T let Joey's "natural" pretty boy look fool you he has a 20 step skin routine and a 15 step hair routine and he wakes up at the ass crack of dawn to start on his makeup.

He used to get the worst acne as a pre-teen and he has physically burned all the evidence except for one picture of him and Slade on a fishing trip when he was like thirteen, he doesn't know it exists and it's the only picture Slade consistently travels with.

He doesn't want to be the favorite but he would get mad if someone else was the favorite because what work were YOU even putting in for it.

He has 12 year old boy humor I fear. Giggles at dick jokes and has used his name to make "Joe Mama" jokes on various occasions.

Number one Mama's boy of all time, there's not a single time they've gone out in public together where they haven't had coordinated outfits. Him and Addie call biweekly to shit talk people and exchange recipes and the like.

Joey is THE biggest gossiper. He'll talk shit about people right in front of them if he's sure they don't know ASL and whoever is around just has to try not to laugh while they "translate" him.

He's so good at convincing people to do things for him just by looking at them with his big ol' eyes. And he's a theater kid so his expressions are really exaggerated.

Rose, my muse. I know canonically she's a smoker but I'm changing that to her being a vaper. I don't know she just looks like she'd beat the shit out of you for a cherry lemon cancer stick.

Energy drinks don't work on her in normal amounts so to rectify that she constantly walks around with horrific concoctions in a water bottle the size of her head.

She street races as R4V4G3R and she's pretty good at it. She learned a lot about cars doing it which is how Slade justified being an anonymous benefactor for her.

The few weeks Slade had her she ran that shit like the navy. Up at 6 AM on the dot, tight ass ponytail swaying as she got ready for school. She was out that door by 7:25 everyday and she would MAKE Slade violate traffic laws to get to school by 7:35.

Has bitten people before and will do it again.

Had the BIGGEST crush on Donna Troy when she was on the Teen Titans. She didn't know it then but she did. Her taste in women really hasn't changed at all.

Only has her grunge thing going on when she's planning on meeting people, average day outfit is all pastels and florals that her mom used to pick out for her.

Got pretty much all of Lili's stuff, her main apartment is always Immaculately decorated. She also lives in L.A. because literally fuck New York. She's trying to get her engineering degree in PEACE.

She looks up to Grant a lot, she really only has Joey's account of things and he only tells her the good stuff. How he was brave, and strong, and funny. When she was younger she really wanted to be like him, but that was the last thing Slade wanted. So obviously she named herself Ravager out of spite.

Rose is the shortest one in the family but she's buff as hell, my girl is built like a fridge and she knows it. Joey tried to rest his arm on her head one and she stabbed him. It didn't go through his armor obviously but it did leave a mildly annoying bruise that he pouted about for a week.

She low-key really likes Addie but she tends to stay away because of the whole "child of infidelity" thing. She HAS threatened to call Addie on Slade multiple times.

Grew up with a bunch of other kids so she never really wanted siblings, but she would kill for Joey. She'd like a sister though. Really misses her cousins and aunts from the brothel but doesn't want to put them in danger by talking to them.

She's fond of kids but wouldn't want her own because she doesn't want to bring a kid into the kinda life she has, or their family in general.

Routinely takes jobs from Slade because she knows full well he won't do shit. And she's right every time he makes it into a team up that usually ends with them fighting but sometimes, every once in a while, they do something nice together and it makes her remember why she wanted to find him so bad when she was 13.

I don't like her carving her eye out for Slade I thought the whole concept of her idolizing Slade was fucking stupid. She tolerates him at best. So I like to attribute it to her visions, I think the blind prophet symbolism is really fun. Especially because then we can have a Prometheus type situation where her eye patch keeps switching sides/sometimes she's not blind because she keeps carving them out in fits of Seer Madness™️ but they keep regenerating.

SHE HAS BROWN EYES HER EYES ARE BROWN I KNOW HER PERSONALLY PLEASE LET HER KEEP EVEN ONE OF HER ETHNIC FEATURES I BEG!!!

[idialover]

!!NSFW!!!

My friends and I have a tradition of playing "does this character have sex" whenever we get into a new piece of media, because we always enjoy everything together, and today we spent a few hours discussing TWST charactrs. They found out that I now have a Tumblr blog and told me I should "post our very scientific findings for the interwebs" (Note that we are all between the ages of 16-17, so in the same age group as the characters)

Heartslabyul (general judgement): The virgin one

Riddle: no, and he somehow doesn't even know what sex is. You'd think he'd know with how much he studies about everything you learn in school, so even sex-ed but no, he doesn't know

Ace: gray area, no bitches respectfully, except maybe Deuce, but we couldn't agree on that, he would treat it as "it's just a prank bro, no homo"

Deuce: yeah, sure, I mean he's pretty okay looking, not often tho

Cater: he seems like he'd be a dicord kitten or an insta-thot, he tries but doesn't really succeed, maybe once or twice.

Trey: no, because he actually wears a fedora, unironically. "he's as bland as the flour he uses in his cakes"-my friend#2

Savanaclaw (general judgement): Gahdayumm!!

Leona: YES! absoulutley 100% just look at him, but he'd be one of those lazy tops, is very casual about it, there isn't a lot to say because it's just so obvious that he is 100% a sex haver

Ruggie: Hard to say, he has an Italian souding name so maybe no, he hasn't yet discovered that he can earn quite a lot of money that way, or maybe he has (we couldn't agree on this)

Jack: gay wolf boyfirend fantasy so yes, big buff man go brrrr

Octavinelle (general judgement): ehhhh, fish go brrr

Azul: this was a very hard one to decide but in the end no, no real reason just doesn't seem like he would have it, he's on that alpha buisness grindset

Jade: Yes becazse friend#1 said so (she's a strong Jade stan) and everyone decided to let her have this one, but everybody else generally thinks he is Asexual (friend#1 is also ace)

Floyd: yes, he is bisexual in wicked and scheming ways and everybody is aware of that. Chaos bi, him and Jade are two side of a coin, all or nothing. He flirts by messing with people, mostly Riddle but as I've already said Riddle has no idea what's going on and just thinks Floyd has it out for him

Scarabia (general judgement): This was the hardest one to discuss

Kalim: He is very lovable, but no, for unknown reasons, boy has 0 rizz

Jamil: yeah, ig, normal 17 year old guy, he isn't basic like Trey, but he just doesn't have time because of Kalim

Pomefiore (general judgement): slayyy!

Vil: Yes, and his standards are surprisingly not as high as you'd think, we got very heated about how people often mischaracterize him as a very vain but he just wants people to be themselves and best version of themselves. Good for cardio

Rook: yes, in freaky kinky ways (see Rook alchemy card) he sometimes has touble finding people who are into the same stuff as him

Epel: no, beacause he is an "alpha male" in the worst ways possible

Ignihyde (General judgement): you'd think they be reddit mods, but they actually tumblr sexymen

Idia: yes, he has that disheveled rizz, the more they look like they haven't left the house since 2015 the better. We stan broken men in this household(blog), only on halloween tho that's when his confidence get's a bit better and he becomes and active member of society

Ortho: he is a robot based on a young child! NO!

Diasomnia (General judgement): oooh spooky~~

Malleus: yeah sure

Silver: gray are (they demanded I make that pun, pls forgive me)

Lillia: He is the most slay character, an old vampire/fae obviously yes. He has a lot of experience, best sex haver he's so amazing, Lillia for the win

Sebek: no

Staff (general judgement): a very mixed bag

Crowley: someone somwhere slept with him, he is kinda usless but he gets laid, look at his vacation outfit

Crewel: Definetly, high standards but he is correct, he gets to have high standards, he is the perfect man, not a DILF but also not not one

Trein: yes, loyal to his wife (rip tho), good husband 10/10 would trust him, good man

Vargas: Yeah, he's a typical good looking guy, he has never had a long term relationship but he doesn't want one

Sam: We debated for a long time and decided that yes he does have sex

[helluvatrek]

Me and @kermit-the-fag-official made some dumb ships so here’s the fanfic💀

Their fic: https://www.tumblr.com/kermit-the-fag-official/769167417183207424

Tuvix x Lizard Janeway

Chapter 1:Bro is lowkey wild for that

Chakotay was extremely enraged as he watched Tuvix step off the transporter pad. “GRRRRR!!!” he exclaimed. “First, our helmsman and captain become lizards, and now our security officer and lunch lady became one person!!!.”

“Erm…ackshully,” Tuvix said, “Neelix is not a female, and he does a lot more than prepare lunch.”

Chakotay hissed. “I DID NOT ASK FOR YOUR OPINION.” He proceeded to throw Tuvix against the wall.

“Not nice, man.” Tuvix said. “I was like, just born. Can’t you cut me a break?”

“NOOOOO!!!! GRRRRRR!!!!”

Kes nonchalantly entered the transporter room. She looked at Tuvix and started blushing. He’s such a rizzler, She thought.

“ARGGHHH YOU STUPID FURRY!!!” Chakotay yelled at Tuvix.

“Erm, what the sigma are you doing?” Kes asked.

Chakotay turned around and realized she was there. He started blushing kawaii like a schoolgirl in an anime. “Erm, I was just chatting with my new friend.”

Kes looked at him in disbelief. “Bro stfu you’re not an alpha. Also The Doctor asked me to take ermmmm….Neebok to sick bay.”

“Erm…ackshully, my name is Tuvix; a combination of the names of my fathers.”

“Wait,” Kes said. “TUVOK AND NEELIX ARE MARRIED!? AND THEY HAVE A CHILD!?”

“Um no,” Tuvix exclaimed in a rather annoyed tone. “I am a unique person with the combined DNA, knowledge, and memories of Tuvok and Neelix. I call them my fathers because they did create me using their DNA, so it would only be logical to do so.”

“Just put the fries in the bag, bro.” Kes said, “It’s time to go to sick bay.”

Chapter 2: wtf moment💀

As soon as the turbo lift doors closed Kes started moaning violently and Tuvix was lowkey a traumatized mf at this point. “Hrrrnnbhhhfggggggg.” Kes mumbled. “Finally, someone lowkey chill as Tuvok, and as much skibidi rizz as my alpha Neelix.”

“Erm,” said Tuvix, “I’ll have you know that I have only been living for about twenty minutes and I am too young to lose my virginity.”

Kes looked at Tuvix in a sarcastic way. “Bro lowkey forgot I’m one year old. Imagine, could never be me.”

Tuvix was concerned. “So you’re telling me you’re not a virgin?”

“Erm, I thought you said you have the combined memories of Tuvok and Neelix.” Kes bombastic side eyed.

“Well, about that…..ermmmmm I’m just a forgetful person.”

Kes didn’t care so she continued moaning violently. I need to get him pregnant. She thought.

Finally, the turbo lift doors opened and B’elanna Torres was standing outside.

“Oh, skibidi!” Kes said in a frustrated tone indeed. “I forgot to halt the doors. No wonder it was hard to looksmaxx.”

B’elanna nonchalantly looked at Kes, then at Tuvix. “Who tf are you!?” She asked him.

“I’m Tuvix.” he said.

“Bruh.” B’elanna exclaimed and then she proceeded to enter the turbo lift.

“Whoa buddy, who do think you are?” Kes said in a preppy ahh way. She pushed her.

“Chat, aren’t you going to sick bay with this beta?” B’elannna growled. “Cuz sick bays on this deck, y’know.”

Kes hissed. “HOW DARE YOU CALL MY ALPHA SIGMA DISCORD KITTEN A BETA!!!!” B’elanna rolled her eyes and yeeted Tuvix and Kes into sick bay. B’elanna barked at them to make sure they didn’t come back into the turbo lift.

Chapter 3: Tuvix meets lizard Janeway

Tuvix was rather annoyed indeed that Kes kept touching him. Not as annoyed as The Doctor when he entered the room.

“Oh,” said Kes, “Hi, doctor.” Tuvix could see her blushing like Chakotay did earlier. Bruh, he thought. Why is blud like this? “This is my alpha, Tuvix. Tuvok and Neelix got in a transporter accident.”

“Argghhh,” said The Doctor. “No one ever tells me what’s going on around here.”

Suddenly, Tuvix’s ears bled. “ERMMM!!!! WHAT IN THE ACKSHULLY IS THAT SONG!?”

The Doctor was super pissed. “I’ll have you know that this is my favorite song.” He said angrily. He sang, “FROM THE SCREEN TO THE RING TO THE PEN TO THE KING WHERES MY CROWN THATS MY BLING ALWAYS DRAMA WHEN I RING!!!!!”

“Bro actually thought he ate.” Tom Paris said while laying on the bio beds. He still had some lizard characteristics, such as the tail, so it was really hard for him to mew without having to change his gyatt position every 5 seconds. Janeway was there too, and as Tuvix looked at her, he realized he was blushing in the same way Kes and Chakotay were.

“Hey you beta!” Janeway called to The Doctor. “Who is this mf?”

The Doctor sighed. “Tuvok and Neelix got combined bruh.”

“Bro…that sucks.”

“REAL!” The Doctor exclaimed. “He doesn’t even like my music taste!”

Janeway mewed. “Blud no KSI song is a bop wtf man.”

Tuvix tried not to giggle, because Janeway was so rizzful.

“So, when are we gonna get Tuvok and Neelix back?” Janeway asked The Doctor.

“Soon,” he said, with a huge smirk on his face.

“NOOOOO!!!!” Tuvix cried. “PLEASE GIVE ME A CHANCE TO PROVE MYSELF AN ALPHA MALE!!!!”

Janeway looked at Tuvix, and she realized he had kind of a jawline. “Have you been mewing lately?” She asked.

“No?”

“Bruh never mind.”

Chapter 4: THE EPIC EDGING BATTLE pt 1: Tom Paris is moaning

“HES MY EDGER!!” Kes screamed angrily. “HOW DARE YOU TRY TO RIZZ HIM UP!!!” Janeway was very angry so she yeeted Kes with her lizard tail.

“GRRRRRRRR!!” Kes exclaimed. “SKIBIDI TOILET AHH TAIL!!”

Janeway lowkey didn’t really care cause she was just a chill guy who lowkey didn’t really care.

The Doctor looked at Tom Paris.

Tom Paris moaned, “If you don’t hawk tuah, then I won’t talk tuah.”

The Doctor sighed and then proceeded to spit on that thang.

“Ugggghhhh,” Paris mogged. “Now glaze my lizard toes.”

The Doctor looked at how dry and sad his toes were. “Only if it gives you aura.”

Meanwhile, Tuvix was watching Janeway and Kes fight. “THATS IT!” Janeway announced. “I CHALLENGE YOU…..TO AN EPIC EDGING BATTLE!!!”

The Doctor gasped. “Did I hear what I thought I heard?” He smiled. “Ah, I remember the first edging battle on this ship.”

Kes rolled her eyes.

The Doctor continued, “It was when we first lost our aura-“

“GRRRRRR!!!!” Janeway screamed. “SILENCE!!!” Tuvix watched quietly as Janeway and Kes edged violently. Kes moaned….Janeway moaned….they both moaned…. The Doctor was still getting Tom Paris oiled up. Tuvix was still worried about his aura points.

“Gyatttttt.” Said Tom.

“Bruh,” said The Doctor.

“Shush.”

“Okay…..Alpha.” Tom moaned freakily.

Suddenly someone yelled, “SKIBIDI TOILET!!! ENSIGN KIM IS PREGNANT!!”

Chapter 5: THE EPIC EDGING BATTLE pt 2: Ensign Kim is pregnant

“But how?” The Doctor asked. “He can’t be pregnant, he’s a man.”

B’elanna explained, “So you know that Quinn guy? Well it turns he and Harry Kim secretly fell in love and so Quinn used his magic aura points to make him pregnant.”

Harry Kim was furious. “Doctor, B’elanna is lying. Chakotay is the father.”

The Doctor lowkey didn’t really care, because he was still in the middle of massaging Tom’s lizard toes.

“Bruh,” Tom said to Kim, “YOU MOG SOMEONE ELSE, HUH?! YOU STUPID BETA! THATS IT, WERE NOT RIZZING NO MORE!!!”

Kim looked at him awkwardly, “Erm, we were never dating, what the sigma are you talking about? Also, why is The Doctor getting you oiled up?”

Tom was cooked.

Meanwhile, Janeway and Kes were still doing their epic edging battle. Janeway was edging so fast barely anyone could identify her aura. Kes got blinded by the light of her mewing. “NOOOO!!!” Said Kes, “AHHHHHH!!!” Janeway’s streak of edging light was so powerful that it lowkey ate and left no crumbs. Kes died.

“NOOOOOOO!!!!” B’elanna cried, “MY UWU COTTAGE CORE DISCORD KITTEN!!!!”

Harry smirked. “Maybe you shouldn’t have lied to The Doctor about who the father to my child is!!!”

“The gacha heat is wild.” Tuvix exclaimed.

“SHUT UP, TUVIX!!!! NO ONE LIKES YOU!!!” B’elanna yelled angrily.

Tuvix lost so much aura that he never won a dress to impress game ever again.

Chapter 6: Tuvix gets unalived I think

“Golly gee,” Janeway announced. “Looks like I won the epic edging battle.”

Tuvix blushed. “Now we can get 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂.”

The Doctor sighed. “Well, sorry to burst yer bubble, but I have just found a way to bring Tuvok and Neelix back. And also to make you lizard folk human again.”

“GRRRRRRR!!!!” said Janeway.

Tuvix knew what he had to do because queen never cry. “WAIT! THEY DONT LOVE YOU LIKE I LOVE YOU!!!!!!”

The Doctor side eyed bro. “Chat, I barely know you.”

Tuvix was lowkey cooked. He looked at the dead body of Kes. “Erm, shouldn’t we have a funeral for bro or smth?”

B’elanna blushed kawaii just thinking about her. Tom Paris started hitting the griddy. Harry was in labor. The Doctor was rewriting his program subroutines to emit the perfect jawline.

Tuvix sighed. No one cares about me. “Do it,” he said sadly, “Kill me. I deserve it. I’m a mistake.” He said to The Doctor.

“Just put the fries in the bag bro.”

Bro did the transporter thing and now Tuvok and Neelix are mewing again. The Doctor also cured Janeway and Tom’s incurable beta disease somehow.

“Erm, hi Mr. Vulcan, I mean…alpha male…I’m your discord kitten, right?” Neelix said in his gacha life male anime protagonist ahh voice.

“No, wtf-“ Tuvok was cut off as he heard Harry moan violently.

“Oh my sigma!” B’elanna exclaimed. “It’s a lizard baby!!”

“That’s enough sick bay for today.” Tom said as he proceeded to leave.

“We can be a polycule right?” Janeway and Tuvok asked Neelix.

“Sure skibidi slicers.”

THE END😤😤😤

[sunsetsandsunshine]

If me and my mutual’s were the Spider-gang…

❤️EMERY AS MILES MORALES🖤 @sunsetsandsunshine

Y’ALL ALREADY KNOOOOWWWW 💘💞💖💕💗💓

Artist of the group

My Dad is a police officer AND detective sooooooo…

He has done the “You gotta say I love you back” thing to me multiple times…

Fucking loves having friends and talking to people

COMIC BOOKS ARE LIFE‼️ COMIC BOOKS ARE LOVE‼️

Keeping the collectibles I N S I D E of the box!!! IT STAYS NICE AND FRESH THAT WAY— LIKE PRODUCE YK???!!!

Tries to be quote on quote “cooler” in front of others…

Newsflash? It never works

💝 Family lover all the way 💝

Music is LIFE 🎶🎤🎵🎼…idfk what we’d do without it…

A collector of many random things— rocks, toys, bracelets you NAME it

Hyperactive as HELL

Has a hard time accepting loss

“NAH” “🫠” “UHM…” “AAAAAAAAHHHHH”

A sketchbook for literally every season

When it comes to friendships, I will try everything in my power to maintain it and try to keep it going but once I’m done? I’m done 🫶🏾

A singer 😩🤚🏾

Physical affection 🫣💕💓

Apologies WAAAAAAY too fucking much

H A P P Y. S T I M S.

Suppressed anger issues

Knows way too many people both online and irl

Becomes a whole different person when angry 🥸👍🏾

Beatboxes and raps horribly

Basically Miles is me and I’m Miles ❤️🖤

🤍JOJO AS GWEN STACY🩵 @shut-up-jo

Cool af legit why the hell are you friends with me man—

Musician of the group 🪗🎷🎻🎺🎹🥁🎸

Shows up to your house without warning like you owe her money

In a band (most def)

Says the most DIABOLICAL and out of pocket shit known to MAN

🔥 Would burn down the kitchen if she ever cooked 🔥

Listens to Billy Joel 😌

POPULAR AF

Short af too 🤪🫶🏼

BAD PICK-UP LINES…

Would be cancelled if any of her texts got leaked

“DIE” “KYS” “CHOKE” “STFU”

Had the WORST 2020 phase (I’m sorry ilysm please don’t kill me 🙏🏼)

AOT lover (as you fucking should )

Honesty is the best policy 💋

Changes her voice depending on who she’s talking to

Has the most fucking unhinged and cursed FYP page

Doesn’t matter what social media app…it’s just straight up CURSED

Gives the best advice like oml

Could host a TED-talk but would there’s a 99.9% she would get cancelled

Needs to take a flipping BREAK 💕

Could make a TV show with her life (with like a million specials and crossovers)

Licks the powder off the Doritos and/or Taki’s and puts them back in the bag 😶…

Has burned Barbie’s before

Unironically sings 'Dance Monkey' just because

Your so so silly I love you so much 🤍🩵

💛SANA AS PAVITIR🩷 @itzsana-kiddingmenow

If sunshine were a person 🌞

Has a really toxic fanbase…

✨Anxiety✨

The best cook out of all 4 of us probably

“🥺” “GRRRRRRR” “🙈” “NAUUUR”

Calls people adorable, cute etc but can’t handle when people say that to her 🥹💓

Your adorable btw ☺️

When she’s mad she doesn’t cuss that much but most def just says big words

#TOXICFRIENDSGANG

Takes selfies like every single second 📱

Has Snapchat probably

Has listened to JoJo Siwa’s Karma WAAAAY too many times…

Would fold like a lawn chair if poked in the side 💕

FANGIRL

✨ Bilingual queen ✨

Sobbed for DAYS when MatPat dropped his departure video…

Is way too fucking smart 😉

Has the Ultimate Alpha Sigma Gyatt Rizz but doesn’t know it quite yet 👁️🫦👁️

A tea lover ☕️🍵

Would go to antique stores with people to just look at things and then end up buying the whole ass store

Does cartwheels for funsies

Overthinker ☹️

Could solo Bakugou and win

Is going to be a menace one she learns how to drive

Needs more sleep frfr

My lil sugar cream puff over here you guys 💛🩷

💙ZEEZIE AS HOBIE BROWN❤️ @ziipzeepzop-eez

101% effort in E V E R Y T H I N G

Side-eyes 🤨

Has more rizz than the whole Earth population combined

“FW” “THAT’S RACIST” “TWWINNNN” “YUUURR”

EMOJIS EMOJIS EMOJIS EMOJIS EMOJIS EMOJIS

Did I say emojis?

Comes up with the most cutest freaking nicknames for people 🥹💕🩷☹️💓✨

TAKE A BREAK 😡😡😡

Can most definitely win a dance battle against anyone but acts like she can’t

Dad jokes 🫶🏽

Uses finger guns unironically (through text and in person) 👉🏽👉🏽

Could make a diss-track about so many people 🫢…

Would have a million cats if she could

Probably had a Gacha Life phase

Would go to a movie theater just to watch cat videos on the big screen

Popular af 💕

Friends with legit everyone 🙏🏽

Would actually murder a man if they hurt one of her friends

Has watched Coraline and The Nightmare Before Christmas soooooo many damn times

Guillmero Del Toro’s Pinocchio made her ugly cry (Same here 🫠)

Could solo everyone here on Tumblr easily 👁️👄👁️

Hates Twitter/X but only has it for the ✨drama✨

FAIRY LIIIGHTS

Is most def someone’s opp ☺️

Can multi-task like crazy

So cool and dazzling and aahhhfhfhds 💙❤️

(If any of this makes any of you guys uncomfy just DM me and I can erase it 🫶🏾)