#like right now it is 2am and i can’t go to sleep because i’ve had such an eventful day and i need to unwind before i go to sleep.

[aboutmercy]

lowkey still holding out hope that my psychiatrist would eventually take back her diagnosis because she ends up realizing that i’m just quirky and don’t have ocd. i swear i’m not in denial my compulsions are just fucking weird and unrelatable to most people i know with ocd so i’m like….. maybe it’s not ocd. maybe it’s something else and the doctor got it wrong.

[sh1gglypuff]

City of Stars

…are you shining just for me?

ahead: female or suggested female reader, mild suggestive content, pain

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

“Kenma!” you call out into the vast house. Your voice reverberated off of the walls and bounced back to you, the white walls illuminated by the evening glow. You dropped your bag along with your keys by the door, kicking your shoes off and making your way through your home. “Kenma?” you called again.

It was almost 2am. Your newest film had premiered that evening, you walking the red carpet in a gown with a price so high you refused to think about it. You had that privilege, not needing to think about the price tags on things such as that. The after party raged on through the night, and you were coming home tired and a little tipsy after your evening out.

You were high off of nothing but your own success and glamour. The movie was going to be a hit, you knew it and everyone else knew it too. Your agent thinks you’re a shoo-in for an Oscar because of your performance and you hate to admit this out loud but, you agree.

“I’ve been calling your name, did you not hear me?” you say, entering the master bedroom loudly.

“I heard you.”

“I had the best evening Kenma truly. Oh I really think this is going to be it for me. This movie is what’s going to sell…” you continue to ramble on as you sit on your side of the bed opposite of him and take off your stacks of jewelry. He offers small hums and nods as you do.

“I had a poptart for dinner,” he says as your chatter dies down. You frown at him.

“Kenma our kitchen is full of food is it not?”

“It’s not,” he says monotone.

“Well…you could have ordered food. Or god forbid…gone out!” you fake a gasp as you say this. He doesn’t like when you mock him like this.

“I don’t like going out. Especially not recently since everyone knows I’m your boyfriend now,” he turns on his side to face the wall.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“I hate attention. When I go out people ask me a million questions. It makes me feel nauseous.” After he finishes saying this you get up and walk towards the bathroom. You look back at him, him facing you with his eyes closed.

“Can you unzip my dress?” you ask. You don’t think he’s heard you at first until he nods simply, opening his eyes and sitting up. He gestures for you to come over and you walk closer to him, turning around and letting him place his slender fingers on the zipper of your dress. He unzips it slowly, stopping midway. He remembers unzipping a dress of yours for you years ago, his hands shaking with anticipation. That was when you were nothing but a struggling actress in Los Angeles, desperately looking for any sort of work. That was when he felt wanted. That was before everything changed.

Kenma wishes he could be happy. He feels like that would be the only normal reaction. He is happy you’re living your dream, the dream you’ve worked so hard to achieve these past years in this city. He’s happy for you. He loves you. He unzips the rest of your dress.

With the back of your dress unzipped you turn to him, placing your hands on his chest. You kiss his lips, softly at first then beginning to make your kisses fall with more desperation. At first Kenma wraps his hands in your hair as the two of you fall onto the bed. Your hands wander down his torso, a hand slipping under his shirt and-

“Stop! Stop…” Kenma suddenly says, pulling away. You quickly remove your hands from his body. “I don’t…want to.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Your face is flushed with worry. Kenma shakes his head.

“I’m sorry I’m…just really tired right now.” You don’t question him as he says this, you just nod. You get up from the bed and head back towards the bathroom where you finish getting ready to go to sleep.

As the shower runs and the sound of your hums and harmonies sound lightly from the bathroom, Kenma cries.

Kenma can’t remember the last time he’s cried over anything, genuine sad tears. He tried not to cry too hard, trying his hardest to make sure his tears wouldn’t be obvious as you came out of the bathroom. He but his sleeved hands into his eyes, pressing lightly. He wanted to stop crying but couldn’t. He took a deep breath.

He didn’t want this life. He didn’t want to live in a big house in the hills of Hollywood and only see his girlfriend every couple of weeks. As you were on set for this last movie he got a small taste of the next however many years of his life. You, shooting movies in various locations, flying around doing press tours, walking down red carpets. He on the other hand couldn’t do a single thing without the label of your boyfriend. He couldn’t stream a game without the mention of you, couldn’t leave the house without being asked of the movie. He loves you with everything he has, but it’s just so hard.

Kenma wants to be his own person.

Kenma also wants to be in love.

You come out of the bathroom, hair tied up and makeup off. He loved you in this form. You looked genuine. It was his favorite look you had. He loved this more than your stunning red carpet looks, the looks you had on the covers of recent magazines. He loved the you only he could see. He says your name softly as you sit on the side of the bed opposite him.

“Yes?” you responded.

“I…I don’t know if this is going to work.”

The silence is deafening in Kenma’s ears. He doesn’t know how long you were quiet, he just knows it was too long. “What?” you finally say.

“Nothing, sorry.” He tries to take back what he’s already said. He realizes he can’t.

“No, what? Tell me what you mean Kenma.” You’re suddenly more alert, looking towards him with attentive and concerned eyes. Kenma tries his best to not start crying.

“Everything is different now,” he says simply. “I never see you anymore. People know you. People know me. People know me as an extension of you.”

You stare, slightly confused as to what he’s trying to get at. “Do you want to see me or not?”

Kenma looks towards you. “I do want to see you. I really and truly do-“

“Then what do you mean? Is me being known now a problem?” Your brows are furrowed.

Kenma takes a long moment to breathe, closing his eyes. He does this when he’s anxious. You could see him squeezing one of his hands. “I just- this was not the life I imagined myself having. I feel like I’ve been doing nothing. Nothing for myself at least. You…I don’t know. You’re being so swept away by a life of…fame. That’s a life that I can’t live and I feel like we’ve been on different planets. I don’t feel like part of your life at all. I feel like…the guy you don’t even think of during the day that you just happen to kiss and fuck in the evening.”

Silence fills the room again as you take in everything Kenma is saying. You have no idea what to possibly say. Do you want to fight for this? You’ve loved Kenma for years. He was right though. You did feel like you lived on a different planet. “That. That’s a large accusation”

“I’m not accusing you of anything I’m just saying how I feel.”

“I do think of you.”

“And I believe that you do. I just don’t…feel it?” Kenma wanted to say more but didn’t know how to word what he was feeling. You grip your arm tightly, thinking. You look towards the window, desperately wishing you were just asleep in his arms.

“Can we finish this tomorrow Kenma?”

“You expect me to just fall asleep? I haven’t sleep more than 3 hours in the past 4 days. I can’t stop thinking about this. I can’t stop thinking about us. I love you, so much. I really hope you know how much…I just don’t think I can keep living like this. I can’t stop being a nobody.”

“It’s your fault you’re a nobody Kenma!” you say throwing your hands in the air. His last comment set you off, everything bubbling up had suddenly came out. “You don’t have to lay around all fucking day! You can get a job! You can do things! You probably have more opportunities to do things because of me!”

“Fuck you,” is all he says. His eyes are filling with tears.

“Fuck me? Kenma I’m just stating the truth. You’re doing nothing with your life and I am. You can’t blame me for that.”

“I’m going to Kuroo’s,” Kenma states, getting out of bed. You don’t respond to that, just watch as he slides on a pair of shoes and walks out of the bedroom.

“Kenma…” you start. He doesn’t listen. He keeps walking, grabbing his keys and walking out of the door. You could run after him. You could have done everything to make him stay. You don’t.

6 Years Later

You were the biggest name in Hollywood. You had gotten what you had always dreamed of. You had starred in movies that topped charts, had multiple oscars under your belt, and the most perfect fiancé you could ask for.

Kenma was sitting at a cafe, computer open and glasses resting on his face. Kenma had his own business. A successful one. He had made a name for himself, one without you. He sipped lightly on his coffee as the door rings open. He doesn’t look up, focused on his work.

He hears murmurs from around the cafe, confused he peers to what people are staring at. It’s you.

“Thank you,” you say with your famous smile. You take the coffee from the shaking barista and turn. You see Kenma. He sees you. He puts a hand out to wave. You nod your head.

He watches as you walk out of the cafe. The chatter of the room reaches its peak then dies down to what is was before.

That interaction lasted maybe a minute, but it kept Kenma up for days.

He thought of the days he had spent loving you. The evenings he had spent helping you with auditions. He knew you before the world knew you. What if he had never said anything that night. What if he has just learned to adapt? Would he have married you? Would the two of you have a life unlike anything he could ever dream of?

You were getting married. You were getting married to your most recent leading make costar. Kenma has questions he knows he’ll never get the answers to. You live on different planets. Maybe you always had. Your lives are no longer intertwined. Maybe Kenma is okay with that. Maybe he will learn to be.

He smiles, staring into his now empty cup of coffee.

[alotofpockets]

Loved | Alessia Russo

Pairing: Alessia Russo x Williamson!Reader

Summary: During your concert you surprise your girlfriend with the song that you wrote about her.

Masterlist | Woso masterlist | Words: 2.2k

You loved being on tour, playing your music for your fans, and traveling the world at the same time. However, there was also a downside to this part of your career. You had to miss your favorite people for long periods of time. Of course, there were many facetime calls with them, but it wasn’t the same as having them beside you. There were only a few shows left on your European tour before you’d fly back home to London, where you’d perform your final show at The O2. 

While on tour, you used every moment that you weren’t performing or out exploring the cities you were in on writing new songs. Being away from your loved ones sucked, but it also helped you in your songwriting. Your thoughts often on the memories you created with them. Right now you are strumming rhythms on your acoustic guitars, as your mind wanders to the first time that you met your girlfriend.

It was a little over three years ago. You arrived at your shared home with your sister around 2am, after being on tour. Leah had insisted on picking you up from the airport, but you declined time and time again, since you knew she would have training in the morning. After leaving your bags in the living room, you quietly made your way over to your bedroom. Upon entering you noticed that your sister was sound asleep in your bed. You didn’t think much of it, maybe she just missed you. So, you head over to her room but when you opened the door slightly, you noticed that her bed was occupied. It was too dark to see who it was, but you softly closed the door to Leah’s bedroom and made your way back to your own. After finding some clothes to sleep in, you slipped into your bed beside your sister. The moment that your head hit the pillow, you were gone, the tiredness of touring catching up to you.

Your night wasn’t long, as Leah’s 6am alarms woke you abruptly, “Leah, please shut that off.” Leah jumped at the sound of your voice. “Don't ever scare me like that again.” She said with a warning look. You simply shrug, “You’re the one in my bed.” Leah quickly turned off the loud ringing of her alarm and fell back on the bed hugging you tight. “I can’t believe you’re back, I’ve missed you so much.” You smile into her shoulder, “I’ve missed you too, Leah.” Your sister is about to get up when you pull her back down, “Are you not going to tell me who the girl sleeping in your bed is?” Leah rolls her eyes jokingly, “Of course I was, I just figured you wanted to sleep some more first. Her name is Alessia Russo, she-” You interrupt her, “Just joined Arsenal.” You were an avid football fan, and just like Leah, your favorite team had been Arsenal from a young age, so even when you were away you kept taps on your team. Leah nods, “Yeah, I told her she could stay here until she finds a place of her own, which worked out great because the house was feeling rather empty without you here.” You act hurt, “You just replaced me?” Both of you laugh, basking in the feeling of being together again. “How about after practice the three of us get lunch together, so I can introduce the two of you properly?” You nod with a smile, “That sounds nice.” Leah changes into her training gear before heading downstairs, you hear her and Alessia talking faintly but soon fall back asleep, not even hearing them leave. 

From the first moment you met Alessia in person, the two of you connected instantly, as Leah had expected. During the lunch you had gotten to know Alessia a bit, as well as told them all about your tour. Alessia moved out about a week later, finding a nice apartment a few blocks over. Leah had been with Arsenal for years, and her teammates were as much her friends, as they were yours. So, like always, you met up with the girls often, getting closer and closer with Alessia as the months went by, until eventually she had asked you on a date. 

The first few months of dating Alessia were on your mind as you worked on the song. You both had to learn to speak each other’s love languages, as they were different from each other. Even while figuring out how to best show your love to the other, you felt nothing but love in whatever way Alessia showed it. You start testing out some lyrics, writing down the ones you like. When you had the general idea of the song figured out, the lyrics came easy, as did your love for Alessia. 

Before your flight back to London, you finished up the rough version of the song, and could not wait to sing it for Alessia. From the airport, you went straight to Colney, knowing the team’s training session was in progress. You stand to the side of the field as you watch the girls play, having gone unnoticed so far. When the whistle is blown to signal that their drill is done, Alessia is the first to notice you. She comes running your way and jumps into your arms. “You’re back!” You hold her tight and spin her around. “Hi, Lessi baby, I’ve missed you.” After putting her back down you share a short kiss before Leah joins in on the hug. Alessia stepped aside, but not going far, to give you a moment with your sister. One by one all the girls came to greet you, before heading back to training. Alessia kissed you once more before returning to training too, a “I’m so happy that you’re back.” Shouted your way from the striker that was running back to the field.

Once training was over, you headed back home. You still lived in the same apartment as three years ago, the only difference was that Alessia had moved back in, now sharing your room. Leah and Lia offer to pick up something for lunch, while you and Alessia have a moment together. You take her up to your shared room, and ask for some much needed cuddles. 

When you hear the front door open, you head downstairs to have lunch all together, and spend a couple of hours catching up. You check your phone to see the time, “Oh, I have to go in a bit for sound check. Leah, how many of you were coming tonight?” Leah starts counting on her fingers, “Let’s see, so it will be us three, as well as Beth, Kim, Laura, and Jen. So, that’s seven, for sure and a few of the girls weren’t sure yet. Can you put us down for twelve to be sure?” You smile, feeling grateful for how many of your friends were going to be able to make it. “Of course, I’ll see you guys there.” You hug Leah and Lia, before you kiss Alessia bye. 

Performing in your home country was always very special, it was also your favorite place to sing your song ‘Home’. “Thank you all for an incredible night so far.” You say looking out into the crowd. “As many of you know, London is very special to me. London is home.” The crowd erupts in cheer as they know what is coming next. “It’s an extra special evening, as there are a lot of people here tonight, that make London a home.” You look over to the friends and family section where your friends are gathered. “You know who you are.” The smile on your face grows when you see the girls cheering back at you.

You start strumming your guitar, “This is ‘Home’, hope you enjoy it.” The rest of the band joins in. 

‘Cause they say home is where your heart is set in stone

It’s where you go when you’re alone

It’s where you go to rest your bones

It’s not just where you lay your head

It’s not just where you make your bed

As long as we’re together, does it matter where we go?

You step away from the microphone, letting the crowd sing the rest of the chorus for you.

Home

Home

Home

Home

You continue the rest of your show with a few more songs from your setlist, as well as more interaction with the crowd, soaking in the last concert you’ll be giving for a while. The evening was coming to an end, having played the last song on your setlist but you weren’t done yet. “Everyone, can we get a big round of applause for Jimmy on the drums, Sarah on guitar, Brian on keys, and last but not least, Mandy on base?” You bow to them, as the crowd claps and cheers for them. The band makes their way off-stage, and you pick up your acoustic guitar for one last time this evening.

“I have one last song for you.” The enthusiasm from the crowd was immaculate, and you hadn’t even told them the surprise yet. “So, I have written a song over the past couple of days, and I would love to play a little bit from it for you tonight.” After the crowd calmed down again, you continued. “I have literally just finished this, it has not yet been recorded, and no one has heard it yet. With that being said..” You let your eyes drift back to the friends and family box, “Alessia, baby, this one's for you. This is ‘Loved’ for the first time ever.” You play the first few chords of the songs, while you watch your friends tease Alessia for her jaw dropping at the news. Alessia’s eyes stay focussed on you, as she watches you with a big smile on her face, seeing you become one with your music. Your eyes closed as you were strumming your guitar. Before you start singing, you open your eyes and lock them with Alessia’s.

I don’t need a hundred roses waiting by the front door

I don’t need a fancy house in the hills

You could rope the moon and bring me all the stars in heaven

It won’t change how I feel

Even though the arena was filled with thousands of people, the crowd disappeared around you, as you were singing to just Alessia. A moment you would never forget.

You don’t have to be a modern-day Shakespeare

You don’t have to be anything you’re not

You don’t have to give me diamonds to impress me

Just give me your heart

Make me feel loved, make me feel beautiful

Make me feel dance around the room Cinderella kind of magical

Make me believe that I’m all that you’ll ever need

Hold me close and make me feel a million kinds of wonderful

Baby, your touch, it’s more than enough

Make me feel loved

You were pulled out of your moment with Alessia as the crowd went wild once you finished the song. After taking a bow, you speak your final words to the crowd. “Thank you all so much for making tonight the best ending to an amazing tour. Thank you for coming out!” With that you run off the stage. 

Only a few moments after handing your guitar over to the crew, and another crew member taking your in-ear monitors from you, Alessia came running up to you, and jumped into your arms for the second time today. When you place her down on the ground again, you see tears in her eyes. “I love you so much, that song was amazing, and you are amazing. That was a beautiful performance, and I cannot believe that you wrote a song about me and then performed it in front of twenty thousand people.” You hugged your girlfriend tight. “I love you too. You inspire me everyday, darling. So, I wanted to do something special.” You share a sweet kiss with her, before taking her hand and walking down to your dressing room, where the rest of your friends were waiting.

You were so happy to be surrounded by your favorite people again, soaking in their laughter, smiles and hugs. Some girls wanted to go out for drinks, but you told them you had to rain check, since you were so tired. Alessia picked up on your words and offered to take you home, an offer you gladly accepted. She walked you to her white Mercedes, loving the opportunity to drive you around once again. Her hand was resting on your thigh, as the two of you listened to the radio. 

Back home all you want to do is take a shower and fall asleep in Alessia’s arms. Alessia being the amazing girlfriend that she was, knew exactly what you needed. “Why don’t you head up, baby, I’ll join you in a bit.” She pecks your lips before heading into the kitchen. When you’re done with your shower, clad in sweats and Alessia’s hoodie, you enter your bedroom, where Alessia was sitting in some comfy clothes surrounded by your favorite snacks. “I know you want to sleep, but your body needs some food after all the energy you put into that show.” You smile appreciatively, “You’re the best.” 

After enjoying the food that Alessia prepared, you cuddle into her side. Quickly falling asleep in the arms of your favorite person.  

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[marigold-hills]

june 4: wildfire | @wolfstarmicrofic | word count: 626

PREVIOUS PART • NEXT PART • FIRST PART

Remus says: “take me to bed.”

Remus say take me to bed and Sirius remembers a trip to France when he was a child, the summer air during a drought, sharp and heavy and dense enough to blanket him, and then, a week later, watching a wildfire ravage through the forest. This is the spark, Sirius thinks.

He was safe within the Manor’s wards, but the fire was a savage, hungry thing and it ate the horizon. Sirius was a wild child then, and he is wild still, and the desire to go outside and feel the burn on his skin hasn’t changed.

“I’ve finished my dissertation,” he admits, not ready for this golden moment between them to end and coming clean about the little omission is easier than facing new thoughts.

(Remus says that’s amazing, Sirius. He says good job, congratulations.)

“And I… um… tattoo.”

“You got a tattoo?” Remus reads into the jumbled words, frowns, “why didn’t you say? You’ve been going on about it all year.”

Sirius is wearing an oversized Queen T-shirt he likes to sleep in. The hem is loose. Makes it easy to lift up above his torso. Down the middle of his breastbone, exposing more than skin: the sign of the alchemical Great Wolf and below it seven intricate moons, waxing and waning.

“You… you didn’t say that’s what you were getting.”

Remus doesn’t blink, not once. Takes in the ink like reading a book – top to bottom, careful eyes. Reaches out to touch each symbol in turn, one by one, his fingers holding the same reverence Sirius has seen in him when handling ancient texts. They’re keeping his place, marking where he is on the page. For one mad moment Sirius wants the mark to be permanent.

“Why, Sirius?” Remus asks as if Sirius knew the answer. He doesn’t say Pads or Padfoot or “you great big mangy dog” as he does usually, he says Sirius and that’s how they both know it’s important.

And Sirius wants to answer – wants to give the right answer - but he can’t because he doesn’t know. Only knows this: he was there, with the money ready, and the man with the tattoo gun asked what will it be? and out of the window, out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw the moon and said: this. This is what I want to touch me for the rest of my life, this is what I want to carve into my skin.

And while the ink was being needled into him, it quietened the need he has to bite and keep, to hurt.

And now, Remus’ careful fingers meld it together and satisfy the part of him which wants to be soft and gentle, sweet.

“Sirius?” Remus prods when he doesn’t answer. Splays his hand so that it lays flat across the tattoo, and has Moony always had hands this large? Has the rough edge of his fingers, from years of using a quill, always felt like that?

It must have because this is Moony – their Moony, his Moony - but it couldn’t because Sirius never once has been rendered quiet by a simple touch before. There have been so many over the years, in the Shack, after Quidditch, in the Lake, at nights filled with nightmares. Always the same hands, and yet.

Sirius let’s go of the hem of his shirt and grabs onto the hand on his chest, presses it closer into his skin like he could push it through to touch his heart (it’s beating now, so fast, so, so hard). He wants more and he wants to understand, and he’ll give into both the urges. For as long as Remus will let him.

Remus, eyes wide, lets him.

NOTES:

This is part 4! There will be 30. I suggest reading in order for the full experience but they also should work as standalone.

Don’t do this in the library. If you must, I suppose 2am is a good time.

I’ve changed Sirius’ tattoo from how it was in the movies. Originally the symbol he has on the very top is for amalgamation and here I went with antimony because it signifies the great wolf and I like the idea of that. The symbols are actually very similar looking. If you remember part one, this one goes back to the dissertation he’s writing.

not sure if I should add smut to this. Thoughts?

@moon-girl88 @digital-kam @tealeavesandtrash @sweetstarryskies

(let me know if you do/don’t want to be tagged in next parts)

[strniohoeee]

Broken

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N is depressed, and Matt takes notice to her behavior. Matt being the good friend he is he tries to get her out of her funk, but will it work?🫂

Warnings⚠️: None just mentions of depression. This was a request but Tumblrs being a munch and not letting me add it

Song for the imagine: hope ur ok- Olivia Rodrigo

But, God, I hope that you’re happier today

Cause I love you

And I hope that you’re okay

It’s been getting worse. I hate this feeling, this darkness that consumes me. I wanted nothing more than to feel okay. I hate the way my depression swallowed me whole and made me want to disappear from the face of the earth.

I just wanted to feel okay, I wanted to feel normal and not drained. I know my friends were getting annoyed with me. I would slip into these phases of not wanting to talk to them, see them, go out with them. I mean I could barely get out of my bed to do anything. Often skipping meals and not drinking water. I would just sleep all fucking day and cry when I was awake.

I was fortunate enough to be an influencer, so I didn’t have to worry about actually getting up to work. I posted YouTube drafts and TikTok drafts. It worked for a while, but people started to catch on, and were wondering where I went. I couldn’t even be honest and come out and say I was so depressed I couldn’t even sit up in my bed.

The one person who noticed the fastest was Matt. Randomly one day he started texting me wondering how I was doing, what I was doing, if I wanted to hang out with him and his brothers, if I wanted to join them for dinner, if I wanted to film a video with them. I appreciated it truly, but I also kept lying to him. Telling him that I was busy or I had plans, or I was filming. I could not allow anyone to see me this way. I mean I didn’t even want to see myself this way…..

Matt had put me in a groupchat with Chris and Nick, and honestly it was making me feel better. They kept my mind off of things by constantly making me laugh. I mean they would text from 10AM till 2AM every single day.

The blue eyed freaks🧿🧿

-Y/N can you pleaseeeeee come hang out with us we haven’t seen you in like two months- Chris

-Idkkkk -me

-plzzzzz like you never hangout with us anymore-Nick

-yeah I’ve just been busy-me

-busy??? Yeah right not busy enough to not hang out with us- Chris

-hey if she doesn’t want to hangout don’t force her, but we do miss you and would love to see you-Matt

-thanks Matt🖤-me

-booooo boring come over now, or I’ll come pick you up-Chris

-you can’t even drive Chris-me

-okay….ill get matt to drive me to come pick you up-Chris

-fineeeeee okay fine I’ll be over in a hour-me

-FUCKKKKK FINALLY OMG YES- Chris

-see yall soon<3-me

I had gotten up and decided to shower, washing my hair and just really try to clear my mind, and enjoy the fact that I’m getting to see my friends again. I hadn’t been out of my house in a good month, and this was giving me major anxiety.

I felt like once they’d see me they would know I haven’t been okay, and that’s something that scared me. I had to seem okay. I was never the one who broke down… ever.

I hadn’t finished getting ready. At first I wanted to put on some makeup to hide my dark eyes, but I decided against it because I really wasn’t in the mood. I headed out, and drove to the triplets house. When I got there Matt texted me letting me know that the door was unlocked and to meet them in his room.

I let myself in and walked to Matt’s room.

“Y/N” Chris yelled coming over and hugging me

“Hi guys” I said laughing

“She’s aliveeee” Nick said hugging me

“How have you guys been?” I asked plopping myself down on Matt’s bed with them

“We’ve been good, just filming honestly” Matt said

“Nice that’s always fun” I said

“I love it so much truly, but how have you been?” Nick asked

“I’ve been good, you know. Just uhhh been busy” I said lying straight through my teeth

“Nice, what have you been doing” Matt asked

“Oh you know just filming and editing and just going out with some of my other friends” I said

“I love your hair color by the way, when did you dye it red?” Chris asked me

“Oh like two months ago I need to get my roots done actually” I said running my hands through my hair

“Two months ago? I thought this was recent all your TikTok’s and YouTube videos your hair was black” Matt said looking at me suspiciously

“Oh uhhh” was all I could manage because I knew Matt was onto me

“Okay anyways I’m hungry” Chris said breaking the awkwardness

“Me too” Nick said

“McDonald’s?” Chris asked

“Fuck yes” Matt responded

“Okay Matt can you pick it up for us” Chris said pleading

“Uhhh I guess i have too since yall can’t drive” he said rolling his eyes

“I can drive” I said smiling

“Yayyyy this is why I love you” Chris said

“I’ll mobile order it so it’s less stressful” Nick said

They all put in their orders, and they handed the phone to me. My anxiety making me nauseous and not really in the mood to eat

“Oh I don’t think I’m going to get anything” I said

“WHAT? McDonald’s is your favorite” Nick said

“Uhh yeah I’m just not in the mood” I said

“Do you want something else?” Matt asked

“No I’m not hungry” I said looking at him

Matt nodded before taking the phone, messing with it f and then handing it to Nick.

“Alright let’s head out” I said

“Nick and I want to stay back y’all can go though” Chris said

“Sneaky fucks” Matt said laughing

Matt and I had gotten into my car heading over to the McDonalds

“What’s really going on?” Matt asked

“What do you mean?” I asked glancing over at him

“I know you’re not okay” he said looking at me

“Matt I’m fine” I said

“No you’re not. Your eyes…..I can tell that you’re sad” he said

“I’m just tired is all” I said swallowing thickly

“Y/N be honest…are you okay?” He asked reading my face for an answer

My lip quivered, and a lump formed in my throat. Nobody has asked me if I was okay.

“No” I whispered out in a croak

“Talk to me” he said sitting up

“I just don't know. I’ve been so depressed lately. I haven’t been able to get out of my bed. I’ve just been posting drafts because I can’t even get up to film. I can’t even get up to drink or eat anything. I miss my parents, I miss home and I just feel so alone. You were the first person to text me, and you have helped me a lot actually. You inviting me over was the first thing I have done in a month” I said letting a tear fall

“I’m so sorry you feel that way. I love you so fucking much, and I knew something was wrong that’s why I reached out. I care for you so much, and I don’t want you to struggle alone. I’m here for you” he said looking at me with saddened eyes

“I appreciate it Matt truly. You’re amazing” I said looking over at him and smiling weakly

“Never allow yourself to struggle alone okay. Please reach out to me or Nick or even Chris as crazy as that seems. We will always be here for you….always” he said

“I will. I just was fighting with myself for so long I couldn’t reach out for help” I said wiping my tears

“And that’s okay. No ones pressuring you to reach out, but know that the option is there. I would never turn you away. You know I’ll come flying to you in a heartbeat” he said nudging my shoulder

“I know Matt. I love you so much thank you for being here for me” I said nudging him back

“Also I got you your favorite from McDonald’s. I’m making sure you eat. I can tell you haven’t eaten. I can see it in your face” he said

“Thank you Matt what would I do without you” I said smiling at him

“I’m not sure actually” he said

“Don’t get too cocky” I said pointing my finger at him

We laughed, and I pulled up to the drive thru. We got our food, and we headed back home

We got back to their house, and started to eat in the kitchen. Laughing and catching up. Matt occasionally looking over at me, giving me reassuring smiles and glances.

I spent the night at their house, and I slept in Matt’s room. We watched my favorite childhood movies as he kept asking me if I was okay, and taking small glances at me.

Eventually we ended up falling asleep.

What would I do without Matt?

The End

This was a request, but Tumblr is actually being a dickrider so it wasn’t letting me put it with my story. But anywho I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS ONE🥹🖤🖤

-J💅🏽

[inksoakedparchment]

1 step forward, 3 steps back

pairing: lorenzo zurzolo x fem!reader

genre: angst

tw: my english, no happy ending

word cunt: 1364

summary: after your peaceful breakup, you can’t move on and call him once or twice a week.

a/n: my heart is breaking, please read this, it’s gonna be good in my opinion. tysm @sunkissedscribbles for the help<3

song: 1 step forward, 3 steps back by Olivia Rodrigo

dividers by @adornedwithlight

You and Lorenzo broke up because your relationship didn’t work anymore. It was full of arguments and you upset each other with your words. So you decided to part away and it was a peaceful and painful breakup.

But still… You couldn’t move on and have been calling him once or twice a week. You thought it was one step forward when you went on a date with a boy, but then you called him again after each date. It’s always one step forward and three steps back.

It’s 2am and you’re staring at his contact and with a sigh, you tap the ‘call’ button. He doesn’t answer immediately which is strange because he always answers your calls right after the first ring.

While the phone is ringing, your mind floods with memories of the heated argument you had just the day before the end of your relationship.

“Jesus, you’re a bitch, Y/N! She’s my friend, nothing more! Why can’t you understand it?” he yells at you. You saw him with a girl, who caressed his arm with a teasing smile and you just mentioned that you don’t like it.

“Oh, really? I am a bitch? What if I say, you’re an egoist, a huge dick, who deserves nothing but pain!” you shout at his face.

“I can’t imagine why I am still with you,” he spits. “I don’t know how I could love you!” you can see his blood is boiling.

“So you don’t love me anymore, good to know,” you’re shaking in anger and disappointment.

“What if I don't?” he asks and steps closer to you.

“Break up, then,” you shrug with feigned nonchalance like it matters nothing.

He sighs and puts his hand on your face.

“Y/N… I’m sorry for calling you a bitch. You’re not,” he shakes his head. “And I love you, it’s not a question”

“Yes, it is. We have only been arguing in the last month. We can’t talk through the problems like a normal couple.”

“I’m going to sleep,” he shuts his eyes. You can feel the breakup getting closer than you thought. “Night, Y/N” he’s about to leave your room.

“Night, Enzo” he looks back at you above his shoulder and nodding his head, he leaves.

You were the love of his life until you made him mad. You could only ask ‘Do you love me, want me, hate me?’ Boy, you couldn’t understand.

And now he’s still not answering that goddamn phone. You lay on your back and a memory slowly slides in before your eyes.

You’re at his place, watching a movie with him, while you two are cuddling up to each other.

“I can’t express with words, how much I love you, amore,” he whispers in your ear. A wide smile spreads across your face and you look up at him.

“Why did you say that from nowhere?” you ask with glittering eyes.

“I felt like I must,” he smiles and kisses your forehead.

“I love you too, so much,” you kiss him gently and then bury your face into his neck.

“Cara mia, you’re the perfect woman I’ve ever seen. I wanna spend my life with you,” he kisses you slowly and deeply.

A tear runs down your cheek as you think about that moment. It’s your favourite memory with him because you thought you two would end up in a marriage and now? Now you’re timezones apart, living in two different countries. He moved back to Italy when you two broke up.

“Y/N, I think we should end this,” Lorenzo points at you then at himself, and your face turns into a grimace. “It’s hurting me too, but you were right yesterday. We’re always arguing and can’t talk like normal people”

“I know, I just… didn’t think the breakup was this close,” you say quietly.

“Me neither, believe me,” he steps closer and wraps his arms around you. “Promise me, you’ll take care of yourself, please,” he says with hazy eyes.

“You too,” you bury your face into his shoulder. “You have to know I didn’t mean it when I said ‘You’re an egoist, a huge dick’. You deserve everything in this world, mostly happiness,” you look up at him.

“You too, principessa,” he smiles painfully. “Take care and goodbye,” he steps away from you.

“Now not a 'see you later,' right?” you shut your eyes.

“Not this time,” Enzo shakes his head and wipes away his tears. He hugs you one last time, then leaves your apartment. After a few minutes, the breakup sinks in and you fall onto your knees with a heavy cry. You wonder what you fucked up. You have always wanted to look pretty just for him. You wanted him to want you, and he did. You wanted to be funny, spoiler; you were. He always laughed at your jokes, and you made him smile after a rough day. But still, something went wrong and the road you shared split up.

The phone starts that annoying line; ‘The number you have dialled is temporarily unavailable’. You sit up staring at his name, hiding your face in your hands.

Lorenzo was staring at his phone until it went silent from your call. Something has finally kicked in and he realized; that talking to your ex after midnight is not healthy. For neither of you. He still loves you and he’ll love you ‘til his death, but he knows the relationship with you was toxic and if you two decided to try again, it would cause more pain. You know it too, but you are still calling him. You can’t let him go. He lays back and a memory of one of your calls hits him.

“How are you?” you ask him quietly.

“I’m fine. You?” he replies.

“Alive, at least I think,” you say shyly. He chuckles and shakes his head.

“Y/N, you’re still funny,” he says with a smile. “Why are you calling?” he asks this every time you call him.

“I just needed to make sure, you’re okay. And maybe I miss you,” you try to swallow the lump in your throat back.

“Y/N… We talked about this,” he sighs.

“I know, Enzo. Just please tell me how you are doing in more detail,” you almost beg him.

“Okay,” he puts you on speaker and places the phone next to his head. “So today I went to a coffee shop near to my apartment and I ordered a black coffee. The girl who served me… I asked her for her number and we are going on a date on Sunday. I know you were curious about my dating life, Y/N. I’m not stupid. I hope you'll find someone who can make you happier than I did. I miss you too, by the way,” he says quietly the last part.

“That’s actually good. I hope she’s gonna make you happy,” you sigh. “Today I had a horrible date,” you lie.

“Y/N! You know I can hear from your voice when you lie,” he smiles.

“To be honest, it was a good date. He was kind, a gentleman and handsome, but,” you cut off the sentence by biting your tongue.

“But he wasn't me?” he asks gently.

“Right,” you hum under your breath.

“Give him a chance,” he says with pain in his voice.

“I’ll try. Good night, Enzo,” you wait for his answer.

“Good night, Y/N,” you hang up the phone with a heavy heart.

He falls asleep with this memory in mind, while you’re crying in your bed, curled up. You know it is the end of the calls and the end of hearing his voice. You won’t see him anymore, only on socials. You have to accept that he’s moving on and you must do the same, knowing that you love him endlessly in every fucking universe. He feels the same but you will never know it.

'Cause it's always one step forward and three steps back I'm the love of your life until I make you mad It's always one step forward and three steps back Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand No, I don't understand

tag list: @sunkissedscribbles

comment if you want to be on my tag list<3

[atsuwiee]

mean something

in which your classmate who also happens to be part of the student council, catches the aftermath of your troubles.

pairing: student council!jiwoong x troublemaker!gn reader | genre: fluff, ??? to lovers (kind of), self-indulgent fic

warnings: mentions of wounds, light swearing, grammatical errors, not proofread

xian’s note: can’t sleep so i lazily made this on my phone lol. 2am moments, also i didn’t know how to end this so… i’m sorry ? lol :P

story under the cut.

the golden rays of the afternoon sun had shined through the empty classroom as you stayed behind, but you’re not the only one, jiwoong is with you. jiwoong, who stands before you with his arms crossed, his brows are furrowed and you aren’t sure if it’s a good thing. he’s part of the student council and is your classmate right now so it was a given that he was always on your back with each move— knowing you’re some sort of troublemaker but not only that you’re careless as well!

he sighs and he only gets down by his knees as you sat on the desk as he instructed you, your legs dangling slightly but he holds it still, he starts to clean your wounds. with your constant refusal of going to the school’s clinic, he had no choice but to do it himself.

but why though? it was a constant question. it had to mean something, right?

you hissed as he pressed the cotton and medicine on the wounds of your knees.

“jiwoong you really don’t have to,” you say softly but only met with his own silence. you sighed and he moves to your arms. you were roughed up pretty badly— just because of a fight between your classmates.

the guys were saying some nasty shit about your friend and you just… decided to step in.

“ow!” you exclaimed but jiwoong only exhales sharply. he looks more serious. sure he was quiet, but not like this.

“jiwoong, are you—“

“can you just— just stay out of trouble for once?”

your eyes widened slightly as he said that, legs stop moving and he’s still cleaning your arm. “this is the third time. the third time! you know what kind of offense you’d get with that?” you don’t answer but lower your head. “god, y/n, you don’t realize how bad this is, you’re even getting yourself hurt” jiwoong says with a frustrated tone.

“why do you care so much?” you blurted out. you didn’t mean to but the words slip just right off of your tongue. jiwoong scoffs at the question. “am i not allowed to?” he retaliates.

“you are. but why me?” you asked and he stops as he places the last bandaid on your elbow. “just… attached to you, i guess” he mumbles it.

you only perk up an eyebrow, his words were still incoherent. “just? just what?” you tilted your head as he got up to your level and checked your face for cuts or bruises.

“i said, i’m just attached to you,” he says with a hushed voice and sighs. “this isn’t our first time with this conflict, no? i’ve always just been reprimanding you and… treating you— even helping you in homework” he says softly.

it was… hard to refuse it meant something but you didn’t want to assume. did it mean something?

“what about it?”

you asked, genuinely clueless.

he scoffs.

“what about it? are you that dense?” jiwoong repeats, as he asks and he backs away for a bit to press the cotton to dry the corner of your busted lip. “do you not see how it means something?” he asks and sighs.

the only sound escaped from your lips were a soft “oh” and then looking right into his eyes. “thought you… well never thought about me as something else rather than a troublemaker” you mumbled and he takes the cotton away to put ointment to the corner of your lip, the proximity heats your cheeks up, creating a pink tint across your cheeks.

“you’re… interesting” jiwoong says and your a bit baffled by his admission on it. “you’re endearing and seem fun to be with, i just thought, why not i try” jiwoong spoke truthfully. you only stared as he fixed you up and then the sun was slowly going down. he wasted no time with finishing up then sighing in relief you were now finally having to have your wounds treated.

“come now, i’ll bring you home” jiwoong offers as you hop down the desk. “i’m alright—“

“i inist. it’s getting late and i don’t want you in another trouble” you sighed as he spoke then grabbed your bag like the gentle man he is.

“let’s go home.”

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Little Earthquakes - Chapter Three.

Thank you so much to all of you for your engagement! I get so excited to read your thoughts on the chapters. Honestly, it means so much to me :)

Previous chapters - Prologue One Two

Tag list - In the comments. Please DM to be added/removed.

Words - 3,252

Warnings - 18+ throughout. Minors DNI!

“Oh my god, ohhh! Fuck... you are so fucking dirty!”  

He paused, turning his head to bite her bum cheek. “Says the girl who’s getting a tongue up her pretty little arsehole right now.”  

“Damn,” she breathed. “I’ve been rumbled.” He laughed filthily, going back to exactly what he was doing, Holly reaching to grasp the edge of her mattress, pleasure simmering through her. To have a man who wasn’t vanilla in bed, how she’d missed it. Comparisons were wrong and she knew it, but fuck, he made a very welcome change.  

She’d finished with her last boyfriend because they were so sexually mismatched, but still, he’d been an improvement on her ex-husband. If she ever mentioned using her toys with Dean, he’d take it as an insult to his manhood and shut her down, making her feel as if she’d done something wrong. Nathan?  

“Right, show me what you’ve got. Let’s have a play.”  

Those words had led to her current position, on her elbows and knees with him behind her, tongue fucking her while he rubbed a small vibrating bullet in circles over her clit. Those vibrations then moved when he pushed it into the viscid clasp of her cunt, sitting up to follow it with his cock, laughing on a groan.  

“Shit, that feels mad!” he exclaimed, Holly pressing the button on the wireless remote in her hand that controlled it, the vibrations intensifying. “Nah, don’t turn it up any more, fuck! Can’t cope!” Of course, she turned it up further. “Holly! Don’t turn me into a two-pump chump, fucks sake!” 

Giggling, those little chuckles eventually turned to soft moans, turning it down as he began to stroke her walls with long, hard thrusts, his heart thundering like a war drum as he ran his hands down her back, smacking her arse hard. He still couldn’t quite believe it, the voice in his head entertaining him endlessly with the scream of ‘you’re fucking having sex with Holly Madden! What the hell?’, Nathan more than pleased that this was how his Saturday had ended up.  

For Holly, the only thing that existed in her brain was static, the drag of his cock lighting her up, the vibrations deep inside her sending sparks skittering up her spine. Rolling her hips back against him, the twinge of being split around the thick of him had her gasping, his hand spanking her again. Driving into her harder, it sent pleasure streaking over every nerve in her body, the deep spear knocking the breath from her lungs.  

Did he have to go home, ever? Could she keep him? Knowing that she did actually quite like what she knew of him aside, she was in no rush to part with sex so incredible.  

The coil in her began to tighten, her walls fluttering around him, the delicious scrape of his cock ring sending little bolts through her. Lightning forked, her spine alight as she trembled and came apart on a feral cry, Nathan spilling into her seconds later as he clutched her hips tightly.  

It was 2am and so far, they showed no signs of wanting to sleep, Holly only leaving the bed to go and pour them a Jim Beam over ice each, moving back to her bedroom and lighting an abundance of candles.  

The space was very cosy and earthy, pale blue walls with lots of natural fabrics and raw linens. Bearing in mind the hovel that was his own very basic flat, he could definitely become used to more comfortable surroundings.  

“How much more intense is, when you come with a piercing there?” she asked, tickling his cock gently with her nails as she lay on her front next to him, her hand then idly trailing up his body, skimming in a circle in the centre of his chest. “Would I need my clit pierced to understand?”  

“I wouldn’t advise that,” he began, sipping his drink. “It can have the opposite effect on women and reduce sensitivity. It’s why I don’t do them. Clit hood only. And yeah, it’s proper different. Definitely intensifies it.” He looked at her with an arched eyebrow, touching his tongue to his top lip. “I’ll do yours for you if you want?” 

“I’m not sure, y’know,” she grimaced, scrunching her nose. “Will you numb it first?” 

“Nope, I don’t use ethyl chloride. You either raw dog it or you don’t get pierced. Simple as. It’s dangerous, causes additional swelling, risk of frostbite and delayed wound healing, so I stopped using it a while ago. I’m quick, though. I’ve been piercing for just as long as I have tattooing.” 

She was contemplative. “Will you kiss it better afterwards?” 

“Yeah, ‘course I will, cutie,” he winked, reaching to tickle the side of her neck. “You’re fucking lovely, you know. Gonna be really honest with you though, and say I dunno if I’m in the market for anything more than casual right now. Like I told you earlier, I’m a straight up guy, I don’t piss people around. So yeah, just wanted to say that to you now.”  

Her finger began to wander, circling his nipples in turn idly, sipping her drink. “That’s fine. I get it, you’ve not long been split from Lisa. Shall we just see how it goes?” 

Easy, fuss free and no drama. She made a change. Leaning to her, he kissed her softly, gently nuzzling the tip of her cute little nose. “Yeah, ‘kay. Sounds good.”  

As a grown woman of good astuteness, hearing him speak of his estranged wife earlier had given her the impression that he really wasn’t over what had happened between them, and to be honest, why would he be? It was a seven-year relationship that had only finished three months ago. He was bound to be carrying a little baggage from it.  

At thirty-four, she honestly hadn’t expected to be single again, so thus made a point of not making expectations in her dating life. Having something low key with him suited her just fine, seeing him here and there for sex or meeting up for drinks, the second half of her tattoo he’d be finishing as well a month from then. Casual was perfect.  

While lying with him, she took in the many tattoos decorating his body, loving the ones he had down his sides especially. One of them was yet to be finished, Kelsey’s handiwork absolutely stunning in the Samurai warrior that was completed, and on the other side a masked female ninja, posing crouched with a sword held aloft. Just below it, she noticed another little detail. 

“What’s this from here?”  

He looked to where she stroked her nails over a slightly pink, raised scar, his abs stiffening a little at the contact to the side of his waist. “Got drunk and fell on glass.” 

“Oh dear,” she snorted softly, moving to kiss the little imperfection. “Didn’t want it tattooed over, no?” 

“Can’t, it’s too fresh,” he informed her, nodding down to her right leg. “Speaking of tattoos, how's yours? Not too itchy, is it?” 

“Yeah, it actually is, but you’ve proven a welcome distraction!” she chirped, raising her eyebrows, Nathan chuckling. 

“Good. Just remember, don’t put anything on it and keep it dry and it’ll heal fine,” he advised again, Holly nodding. 

“I bet you’re probably used to the itching now, with the amount you have,” she noted, and he did have a very liberal covering that she’d been admiring. Both arms, one side of his neck, his sides as she’d particularly been paying attention to, hands and fingers, his lower stomach, his hip, a huge, incomplete blackwork piece on one of his legs as well as both feet. 

“Yeah, thought I was until I had my head done a while back. That pissing irritated me to death, I’m telling you,” he spoke, pointing to the side of his head. “You won’t see it because my hair’s too thick, but I’ve got a big scorpion just along here.” 

She was surprised to hear that. “I never pegged you as a guy who’d shave all his hair off!” 

“Nah, I wasn’t. But then I got drunk and bored one night at Kelsey’s place not long after I first met Lisa, and got Dawnii to buzz my head while she was tidying up Kels’ back and sides for her. I liked it, Lisa almost pissing cried because she loved my hair, and then fucking Chapman ruined it for me by saying I looked like an owl, so I grew it back.”  

Seven years to get it to waist length was impressive, but his comment about looking like an owl was what made her laugh hard. “How the flippin’ hell did she think you looked like a bloody owl?” 

“Because I’ve got big eyes, apparently.”  

Leaning away, she looked at him, cocking her head. “I can’t see it, personally. You’re just gorgeous.”  

Nope, the sheen had not worn off hearing her tell him that. At all. “I’m alright, for a lanky, tattooed dirtbag.”  

“You could do something about being lanky, if it bothers you, you know. I mean, I think you’re sexy as hell regardless,” she shrugged, leaning to kiss his arm. 

“I do a bit, sit ups and press ups. Can’t be arsed to do much more.” 

His confession made her laugh, sipping her drink before reaching to place it down upon the bedside table. “Then why moan and call yourself lanky?” 

“Because I’m a twat?” Raising an eyebrow, his mouth twisted into a lopsided grin, laughing softly through his nose.  

Moving, she sat astride him, taking his glass from him and placing it next to hers. “Well, whatever shape you happen to be in, you’re always welcome in my bed.”  

Kissing his chest, she felt him shift beneath her, his face levelling hers. “I’ll hold you to that.”  

And while what she’d said was true, there was one drawback to having a lot of sex with a slenderer man, that being he had hips like fucking razorblades. Her inner thighs, oh, the pain. Would she tell him to stop, though? No.  

One of her sore little thighs got a break, at least, Nathan levering one of her legs up into the crook of his arm as he fucked her slow in the middle of the bed a little while later, the pair finally exhausted enough to fall asleep shortly afterwards. Upon waking and going for a wee the following morning, she also found another downside. Lots of sex with a big, thick cock left you sore, no matter how wet the man said cock belonged to had gotten you.  

“Ow, ow, ow, crapping hell!” she winced while sitting on the toilet, sending a quick Whatsapp message to Kate.  

‘He’s still here, sex was incredible, call you later!xxx’  

She received an immediate reply. 

‘Saucy minx! Go get on him some more, it’s been a while since you’ve had a fella in your bed, hun! Love ya!xxx’  

True enough, but she wasn’t sure about the getting on him again. She wanted to, but her poor busted up little cooch likely wouldn’t thank her for it. Damn, that cock, though. Saying no to the man it was attached to, too. Tough decision.  

An even tougher one presented itself when she moved into the kitchen after showering, searching her cupboards to find that she had no coffee, neither ground nor instant. Shit. 

“Crapping bloody crapping hell,” she muttered, huffing. 

“Everything alright?”  

His deep, rumbling voice made her jump, turning to see him fully dressed as he exited her bedroom. “Nope, I have no coffee.” 

Words he was not fond of hearing. “Did I see a Tesco Express on the corner last night?” Her nod confirmed. “Then give me ten minutes, and coffee you shall have. Any particular brand?” 

“Ahh, thank you. Just anything ground and strong,” she replied, Nathan winking before picking up his vape from the kitchen table and leaving. His hangover was kicking in full force by the time he was halfway down the street, groaning, knowing he needed a couple of things besides the coffee in order to feel human again.  

Once he’d located a bag of ground Italian roast, he moved to the bakery section and loaded one of each of the pastries into a bag, a couple of muffins too before heading to grab a green juice. 

“Give us a packet of Anadin and two of them little bottles of vodka too, bruv,” he told the cashier, who smiled knowing. 

“Hair of the dog, mate?” 

“Yeah, yeah. Proper is, man,” he confirmed. 

“That’s twenty-seven twenty-five, bro. You got a Clubcard?” he spoke, turning the card display. 

“Nah.” Pressing his phone against the screen to pay, he picked up the bag. “Cheers, see ya.” The two miniature bottles of vodka were downed before he’d even walked away from the shop, feeling better instantly, the bottle of green juice following before sorting the freshening of his mouth with a few of the mints he’d also purchased. With a couple of the Anadin tablets swallowed, he was on his way again, Holly letting him back into her flat five minutes later. 

“I have no idea what you like, so I got one of everything.” Placing the bag down on the table, he then raided it quickly, grabbing the chocolate muffin. “This is mine, though.”  

“Oh, you’re so sweet! Thanks!” Smiling, she opened the bag and grabbed a cinnamon pastry, taking a big bite with a happy hum. Taking the coffee, she loaded it into the machine, closing the top and switching it on, all ready for the strong brew she sorely needed to begin dripping into the pot. “So, do you have any plans for today?” 

He hated Sundays since splitting from Lisa. It’d always been their day together, going for breakfast before heading out somewhere, usually leaving London behind for the day. Now with no wife and his friends all spending that time with their families, it was a lonely day for him. “Nah, nothing. What about you?” 

“I was supposed to be meeting my mum, but she had to cancel so I’m free all day.” 

The suggestion that they perhaps do something fluttered on the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed it back on another mouthful of muffin. After all, he’d only told her nine hours before that he wasn’t in the market for anything more than casual, so thought such would be a bit of contradiction.  

“I’ll get out your hair in a bit,” he vouched, popping the last piece of muffin into his mouth. “Just let me get a coffee down my neck.” 

“Okay, but there’s no rush.” 

Despite her words, he left as soon as he’d drank that coffee, the pair exchanging numbers before he kissed her goodbye. The walk to Shepherd’s Bush tube station wasn’t far, Nathan zoning out for most of the journey back to Queen’s Park. Arriving at the shop, he considered going straight up to bed, but truly hated the pokey little flat he was currently residing in.  

Making himself a pot of coffee, he showered and changed into fresh clothes, going back down to the shop and sitting at the sales desk, turning the computer on. He supposed his dwelling would be a lot better if he actually did something about making it more comfortable, perhaps stripping the vile, floral wallpaper that infested every room and decorating it more to his tastes.  

It wasn’t beyond him either, he was very capable at that kind of thing. He dad was a builder and electrician by trade, who also fitted bathrooms and kitchens, teaching Nathan how to do everything from plastering to simple electrical rewiring. It was just a matter of him being arsed to actually get it done. It’d also give him something to do with his day as well, he reasoned.  

Going onto the Homebase website, he began adding items for click and collect, figuring he was probably just about okay to drive on those two tiny vodkas he’d drunk earlier. It was only when he was halfway through adding tiles and paint to the basket that he suddenly realised it, sighing, running a hand down his face and removing all of the items again.  

Everything he’d chosen had been exactly how his house in Cricklewood had looked, all of it, from the deep grey metro tiles he and Lisa had chosen for the bathroom, to the dark blue walls they’d painted their bedroom. Trying to recreate a space he’d been kicked out of would do him little good, he realised. He missed it, though, and although he was loathed to admit it, he missed her.  

Why had she done it to him? Why? He still didn’t have a reason, to know why his awesome, loving, beautiful wife had acted so deceitfully rather than talking to him about it. It was an impossible situation, though, one spouse steadfast that he never wanted to become a parent, and the other changing her mind, unwilling to budge.  

“Nath, I promise you. Kids aren’t ever in my future! I just want you. You, me and the cats. Our little family.” 

And what had been wrong with that? Nothing in his mind, stressing again and again to her prior to their marriage that he would never budge, that children simply weren’t what he wanted. She’d assured him every time that she was on exactly the same page.  

It was little wonder the man had felt so betrayed, with how it had all ended up.  

Picking up his vape, he sat and stewed on his equal upset and fury, rubbing his eyes as he swallowed hard. Fuck her. She’d ruined what had been such a wonderful marriage, Nathan sitting there and scrolling through his phone, looking at all the pictures of them together on his camera roll he still couldn’t bear to delete. She’d made him so happy, once upon a time.  

Placing his phone down, he tried again to be more productive, looking through the paint charts once more on the website, choosing a deep olive-green colour for the bedroom, replacing the dark grey tiles for white. It did little good, though, his mood plummeting. His thoughts then turned to Holly, managing a smile as he remembered his night with her. God, she was so lovely.  

He kicked himself for not suggesting they do something, go for a drink or lunch. He could have done that and it been entirely casual, but no. He’d let his stupid, anxious brain get in the way. Clinging to her just because he was lonely wasn’t a good move, though, and he realised that. Taking into consideration his current mood, it would be unfair of him, too. 

They were seeing how things went, and he knew he needed that, more time to try and get over the end of his marriage before he leapt into something new and risked ruining it. He didn’t want to mess it up, something that could be wonderful, with someone he liked and felt himself click with as much as he did with her.  

Why did life have to be so fucking complicated? 

It was with a big cloud of sadness hanging over him that he went back upstairs into his dingy, grotty flat and pulled the ever-present vodka from the fridge, standing in the kitchen doorway drinking it straight from the bottle.  

That afternoon, he’d tried to improve his mood, at least, but the desire for oblivion had sadly won.  

[madridfangirl]

BLURB: this is was kind of inspired by ur ideas dear author also I’ve got some time to write a quick one! Ananya has finally had the chance to get a good night’s sleep bc she has been doing overtime at work even late into the night. But tonight she has nothing that needs to keep her away from her beauty sleep. But Ananya missed one thing, well one person that would keep her away from her a good night’s sleep and that’s her boyfriend. He was very needy, especially tonight. He calls her but she doesn’t pick up the phone most likely because it’s 2am and Ananya is sleeping like a baby so she completely misses 14 of her boyfriend’s late night calls. But Jude can’t help it, so he gets a taxi over at Ananya’s. He makes sure he puts on a disguise by wearing a beanie and sunglasses and wearing a face mask, it’s not the best disguise but you can’t tell it’s him and it being the middle of night helps because no-one is about. Anyways, Jude gets to Ananya’s presses her doorbell but that doesn’t work. Then he decides to call her hoping she picks up, same thing. So he decides to call Roma she picks up because she’s currently away at some party and she tells Jude the code to get into their apartment building and tells him Roma keeps a key hidden under the doormat outside the door of their apartment, it’s not the safest but it’s for emergencies. Jude does think this is an emergency, a BIG emergency (I hope u guys can see what I did there, if u know, u know) he thanks Roma and does so. Once he gets inside the apartment he’s a bit worried bc he feels bad for practically breaking in (even tho Roma gave him the permission to go inside) but Ananya would defo get freaked out at first because she believes she’s home alone. He slowly creeps into her room and gently taps on her, “Baby, baby, it’s me.” Ananya wakes up and sees Jude, she blinks a couple of times to fully register it’s actually him in real life and not in her dreams or something. She rubs her eyes and sits up, “I don’t know how you got in and what you’re doing here right now, but I’ll deal with you in the morning.” She says sternly because Ananya is too tired right now, she shuffles to one side to let Jude into the bed, but Jude doesn’t get in the bed. Ananya looks at him and instantly knows what he is after. “Jude, I’m too tired baby, not tonight. Come to bed, honey.” Jude complies and pulls Ananya close to him and she lays her hand on his chest, then Jude gets an idea and whispers, “Can at least eat you out…” Ananya laughs and slaps his chest then she decides to let him since he came all this way. And promises him morning sex before work.

Ok are you hacking into my phone or something? I literally have something like this in my drafts 😊

[gutwrenchflowerbomb]

Grumble grumble grumbles about real life under the cut

This shit is lame.

So I’ve got a triple infection: sinus and both ears. I can’t take off work. My sinuses are so swollen than barely touching my forehead or cheeks or sides of my neck hurts.

I’m on day 5 of no Vyvanse, which is the medication I take for my ADHD that helps me get to like…a solid 74% functionality on my best days. It’s not because I chose to quit, it’s because there is a shortage. It’s on back order and no ETA. Why? Well because so many people are getting Adderall prescribed to them that it caused a shortage there. So docs started writing Vyvanse instead and have now caused a shortage of that. Except that Vyvanse doesn’t have a generic version. So it’s even worse. And I’m on Vyvanse specifically because adderall didn’t work on me. Imagine having such strong neurodivergence/adhd symptoms that taking the maximum daily dose legally allowed of adderall barely helped you stop leg bouncing much less help executive functioning. So now I’ve been forced to go cold turkey off of a med I’ve taken for well over a year.

I’ve also started my period. Not to humble brag but I’ve never really had acne, not even as a teen but right now I have not one but TWO zits: one in the most painful part of the nose and the other on my lip line, both are so swollen that just smiling too wide hurts.

Anyway that’s me bitching about everything because everything is pissing me off. It’s currently after 2am and I should have been asleep 2 hours ago. But I can’t sleep because I can’t fucking breathe and the cough is ugly.

[1d1195]

brothers are a whole other thing LMAO they’re crazy. they will literally call you the stupidest person they’ve met in their life but then buy u ur favorite ice cream at 2AM.

i always tell my sister that i’m so grateful i had her to help me grow up and that i get so sad when i realize she never had an older sister. her response is always that she never thought of it like that but she thinks she was made to be an older sister. i swear you guys are built different, not everyone can handle being an older sister and i have SO much appreciation for u all !!!

i promise you that your mom is 100% right. she probably ADORES you but just doesn’t wanna admit it bc youngest sibling pride yk ?😭 i refuse to believe otherwise bc i sincerely feel like you’re PERFECT sister material. dependent, funny, mature, so sooo kind.

new songs on rotation !! i’ve rlly been enjoying What I Am by zayn and Tejano Blue by cigarettes after sex

i hope you know all i can think about is Ding part 3 :) like omg it’s just been on my mind 24/7 and i can’t wait to read whatever you have. idk if you have this planned out yet, or not, but how many parts do you see this series being ??

I DID SLEEP HAHA i’ve been feeling off these past few days and i woke up SICK today🙁 it’s not too bad just a sore throat and a runny nose but i do hope it goes away soon because i have a friend’s engagement party to attend on the weekend (but im literally drinking a cold diet dr. pepper rn so i have no clue how i expect to feel better lol)

have the best day ever sam !!!

~🎶

That's so sweet about brothers 😭 I could have used that too growing up!

My sister and I sound WAY less mushy than you and your sister (no shade, just different relationships obviously) but that's so sweet! I can totally see where she's coming from I don't think I could be a younger sister. The vibe would be so off and you'd be able to tell I was not meant to be a younger sister hahahahahaha YOU'RE SO SWEET 😭😭 my sister calls me every day (even when I don't want her to because I have been girl-rotting all week on my vacation and have nothing to report) so I get annoyed with her pretty easily but I do enjoy talking to her. I wish she would put a little more effort into idk taking care of our parents? I don't live at home anymore so I feel like I'm still doing all the grunt kind of work that she could just do because she's AT HOME? but idk. she's a Drama Queen™ or maybe I am and I'm just being bossy 😂

I am putting the final touches on Ding part 3 so it's ready to go for Monday hehehehe I'm really excited about it! I think it will be my favorite part honestly. At least right now. I have it outlined for 7 parts right now! (I think i told someone 8 at one point but I did it in roman numerals and I'm dumb and can't read). But 7 is what I have right now. However it could change because I think parts 4 and 5 could end up being one part. I'm really not sure. Part of my outline for part 5 literally says "filler episode" so it's meant to be a next to nothing update.

UGH! I'm not sure where you're from but I live in New England and it's starting to be spring around here and I usually get a allergy-attack-turned-cold around now and I'm dreading it because it's SO unfair to be sick during the warmer weather. Maybe mix in some water with your Dr. Pepper hahahah Also! I truly believe cranberry juice has medicinal values. OOH I haven't listened to too much Zayn, tragic on my own part. I've heard clips of his new song Alienated though and I'm loving it! I've never heard of Tejano Blue, I will give that a listen as well!

I just made my Spring 2024 playlist--it's a lot of old stuff I've listened to in the past (don't listen to the Stuck on the Floor song I have at the bottom--it's for sad-girl hours hahahaha)

Hope you feel better!

xoxo

[vanitysunday]

Can’t sleep it’s 2am. Work related vent.

It is currently 2:22am, I woke up because I was hot and went to turn the thermostat down. And now my anxiety is keeping me awake.

I went to the office yesterday. My boss goes in on Wednesdays so I went purposely to hand in my mileage report and ask him a few questions. Everything I had to discuss with him were new situations I’ve never encountered so I wanted to double check procedure and how I should proceed.

For some reason after speaking to him like 4-5 times in the 7 hrs he was there, my brain has decided that he now thinks I’m stupid. That may or may not be the case. But it’s kind of out my control if he does maybe. I dunno 😂

I know I can be completely irrational. I’ve been working on my anxiety around work for years. And the later half of 2023 was actually the best out of 3 years. It started in December 2020 when I got my first job in accounting. 2021 was rough, that’s the job that was half accounting and half admin assistant. I questioned myself every day. I went home after work sat on my couch and had 0 thoughts for hours because of how drained I was from the anxiety throughout the work day. Then when it was time for bed I’d stay up all night reviewing that days events, unwillingly.

Then 3 months into 2022 I started my current job, I came into this job expecting nothing and knowing nothing. I applied in desperation to escape the double duty of my previous job. This job is a lot more independent, also a lot more specified, but the work we do affects a lot of different components within the agency. So the anxiety moved from “am I doing okay? Did they actually enjoy this? Did I do that right? What is this man going to ask for next?” To “is this person really an independent contractor? What state were they really working in? Is this a stupid question to ask my boss? The employer and employee have conflicting statements, I made a decision based on the employees statement and now the employer what’s to appeal that, how do they appeal that?”

In 2023 I really came into the realization that I have no control over how other people feel about things. And it could all be in my head that anyone feels negatively about something. Whether it’s something I said, or did, or didn’t do. Until it is explicitly communicated to me that someone is upset, or angry, or any type of negative emotion, it’s my anxiety making me overthink and perceive their behavior in a negative light. Obviously that doesn’t mean I’m not perceptive. If anything I’m overly perceptive to body language. I don’t just write everything off and wait for everything to be explicitly communicated. I am still learning to calm my anxiety around how other people feel. So I’m learning the difference between my anxiety amplifying someone’s negative body language or just fabricating it entirely.

And I’m trying to continuously remind myself that none of this matters in the end but this is my reality for the next 3-4 decades.

[violetlumin]

11/30/23

Hi all. This is just a little prologue for my last poem of November. It's a long one.

First, thank y'all for all the likes and follows. I honestly wasn't expecting any of this to be seen. I appreciate y'all joining me in this poem writing journey.

Today is the last day of November, and the last day of my challenge. Although I may not write a poem everyday anymore, I'll still try to write one when I feel inspired. Maybe every other day. Maybe every week. Not sure yet. However, I will be keeping this account active.

I also want to use this Tumblr to post some of my art. I've had a Wacom tablet collecting dust for years now, and I'd like to use it to finally make the stories I've cooked up in my head come to life.

Please enjoy my last poem. To be honest..... I'm not even sure if this counts as one? It's quite long, and actually the first one I wrote. I'd like to make edits, but figured I'd post it as is. I wrote it at around 2am. Bear with me.

Poem 30

Nov. 30, 2023

I grieve for people I have not yet lost

For tragedies that have not yet passed

For stories that have not yet closed

For pain that has yet to be realized

Hellbent on hurting myself before the universe has the opportunity

Maybe it's to soften the blow?

I’m simply grieving the inevitable, no?

If my fantasies are indeed more tragic that my realities

The latter cannot hurt me

If my mind can be more cruel than fate

I have nothing to fear

Night after night I dream of the worst scenarios

Obsess over what could go wrong

Fight peace

Sleep with ghosts

Weighed down by the things I’m too weak to tell you

Death looms over me

An adversary of my own construction

I’ve looked into death’s eyes

And saw nothing

Absolutely devoid of meaning

Of emotion

No love

No malice

Not as though it could distinguish the two, anyway

The thought itself is suffocating

I miss you but you’re still here

I loathe the thought of the world spinning in my absence

I may choke on my own thoughts

I’d hate to make you worry over nothing

But what if it’s not nothing this time?

What if it’s NOT nothing this time?

Your reassurance does nothing to quell my fears

It’s not rational

I know it’s not

Something awoke inside me that day

That simply cannot be put back to rest

So I lie with it

Night after night

Even our happy times are now tinged with sadness

I am consumed by the realization that this cannot last forever

That one night will be the last night you’ll rest beside me

That, try as I might, I can’t hold onto this forever

Is it selfish to ask you to stay here?

To stay chained to me forever?

To follow me for eternity?

To drown with me?

I desperately want you to make promises to me that you can’t keep

The small voice in the back of my head has become loud and incessant

I want you to have the peace I can’t seem to find

Truth is

I will never be satisfied

No matter the amount of time I cherish with you

I’ll be bitter over the time missed

Ten days

Ten years

Ten decades

It makes no difference to me

Anything less than an eternity is a slight

So I soak in my bitterness

Night after night

I ache thinking of what you’d do

If I left this realm before you

How your feeling for me may fade

How one day you’ll seldom think of me

How the void I left may one day be filled

How you may one day forget how I made you complete

How many true loves can you have in one lifetime?

For my own sake

I hope to God

It’s only one

May no one else ever pour into your well

I admit

I hope you suffer in my absence

I hope my memory consumes you

I hope my ghost haunts you

That our paths end at the same point

That you may never quite reach the peaks you did with me

That you can be content, but never truly happy again

That you carry me with you forever

That you act as if I’m still there

That you still love me

That you can never escape me

I don’t want you to love anyone else

The way you love me

How deranged, right?

Your love inspires me to be incredibly selfish

To want the worst for you

Because it works best for me

So I revel in my hateful thoughts

Night after night

Praying to none

That you never recognize

The darkness sat beside you

[httpiastri]

Hiii Love!

Gosh, I haven't been here in a while! I hope your doing good!

I actually managed to watch the race last Sunday, which is the first race I have watched since the summer break. That's so crazy 🙈 but I am just trying to get the most of the nice weather before it just starts to rain all the time here.

I am so so happy about choosing to do the year abroad, and even though sometimes there are harder days (like when my au pair kids do the opposite of what I tell them to do) and it gets frustrating, I love this work and the country and the kids of course! One of them was all cuddly today and didn't wanna stop hugging me 🥰

But the race was so good! Even though I am very... unsure what to think about Carlos as a person, I love love love Carlando and the teamwork at the end of the race was everything!! Gosh, I was so nervous!

I was planning on watching the race on Sunday as well, because it's early in the morning before I could go out, but now it turns out I am going out the night before and won't be home till 3 am 🙈 I really don't think I'm gonna be able to keep my eyes open to watch or even get up. How did I do this back home??

I don't know if I missed anything because I haven't read all of the asks, but did you come to a decision about your University? Just if you wanna talk about it :)

Also, I read that you were struggling a bit about a writer's block and I just wanna say that just starting is the most important thing, even if it might be absolute bullshit! You can always improve it later! Hope it resolves itself soon and you have more time to write as well!!

-✨

hello love! i’ve missed you!! i’ve been doing good, how about you? <33

aw im glad you got to watch the race, it was a good one!! not just the boring old “max verstappen wins by 64 seconds” race 🤭 i’ve been kinda unsure about my feelings about carlos recently too but i can’t say no to carlando, such an iconic and lovely pairing 🥰 just wish it had been swapped around so lando had the win!

but yes you’re right for enjoying the weather and spending time with the kids! i’m really glad you feel like going away to be an au pair is the right thing 🥺 since i work with kids too (they’re probably a bit older than yours, though?…) i really get you, it can be annoying at times but it’s also so much fun. and a cuddly child 🥺😭 that’s so sweet awwww i’m so happy for you about this whole thing 🫶

oh god if you’re up that late then it indeed would be hard to stay awake 😩 good thing you can always watch it later! and i hope you have a great night out 😁😁 idk how i’m gonna survive it either, i really wanna catch up on some sleep this weekend… why couldn’t this weekend be a later race 😔😔

about uni, i ended up not going and instead i’m taking a course in journalism at another university! it’s only once a week though, so i’ve been working these last few weeks. first time i’ve ever worked an actual 9-5 job for more than like two days 😵 i’ve done so many other types of work but this is new territory. it’s quite alright so far! the only problem being that i never fall asleep until 1am at the earliest, so i never get a lot of sleep :/ well well!

you’re very right, always when i get a block i just sit down and force myself to write either way. i have barely had any time at all to write these last few weeks tho so i haven’t gotten around to doing it. i did manage to sit down last night though and had a good writing moment! but it was at 2am so my work today is going to suffer from it 🥲 thank you love!

i hope you have a great weekend sweetheart 🥰🥰

[survey--s]

468.

Do you actually think it’s gross to talk about body functions? I mean, it depends on the circumstances? Talking about them at home with family or with close friends is very different to discussing them at work lol.

Would you rather sleep (zzz) alone or next to your SO? It depends whether he’s snoring or not LOL. I love sharing a bed with him but last night I didn’t get to sleep until 2am as he was snorting like a warthog ha.

Are you trying to forget about something? No.

Have you ever sent a love letter? Yes.

When you look up at the sky do you ever NOT see a plane or vapor trail? Of course, they’re not THAT common here.

Have you dated someone of another race? Yes.

Do you wear any shoes with holes because you can’t give them up? Ha, yes. A pair of black ballet flats I’ve worn to death, but they’re SO comfortable and I can’t find a replacement pair anywhere.

When you go out to breakfast, what do you order? Waffles with bacon and maple syrup, or smashed avocado on sourdough toast with bacon and a poached egg.

Have you ever had a job that required a uniform? Yeah, two jobs had an official uniform, and then my last employed job you had to wear company clothes, but you could pick which clothes you actually wore.

What’s the best compliment you’ve gotten from a boss/teacher? I got picked for promotion over someone twenty years older than me once - that said a lot to me and I felt very appreciated. Sadly the job itself was horrendous and I quit after a year lol.

What’s a weird or interesting nick name you gave someone? Nothing comes to mind right now.

Is there a phrase or mantra you repeat when you are frightened? No. I genuinely don’t remember the last time I felt frightened.

What are you most envious of? People who don’t have to worry about money, and people who have dogs that don’t have separation anxiety lol.

Do you have a friend with a habit that worries you? Yeah, Mike’s eating/drinking habits worry me - both his parents are overweight and have diabetes and it’s like he’s heading down exactly the same road.

Would you rather have coffee, cocoa, tea, or soda? Coffee.

When you walk into your best friend’s room, what do you smell? We live together, so it just smells like our house? A mixture of whatever candle I have burning and a vague smell of dog lol.

Have you ever purposely broken something that belonged to a sibling? No, I don’t have any siblings.

Do you have any hipster friends? Not friends exactly, but aquaintances.

Have you ever worked at the same place as your best friend? No. He would drive me insane if we had to work together lol.

Do you like to visit famous people’s homes? Not really.

Do you take days off from shaving when you can get away with it? I always shave my pits and bits, but I don’t shave my legs all that often, especially in winter when nobody can see them.

What color do you see when you shut your eyes tight? Black and then like, a galaxy effect.

How would you react if you found out your crush had a terminal disease? I’d be heartbroken and very, very scared.

Has anyone ever baked you cookies? Sure.

What’s the lamest present you’ve ever given? I don’t think I’ve ever given anything too awful. Would you rather eat free hotdogs or pizza you pay for yourself? I’d rather pay for the pizza as I’m not a fan of hotdogs.

Do you ever wear socks with holes in them? I am right now lol.

Is there anything hanging on your bathroom walls? Just a mirror.

If your SO agreed, would you want an open relationship? No.

Have you ever slept with three people in the same bed? When? Why? Yeah, on sleepovers and stuff like that.

Does your family regularly eat sit down meals together? No, we have totally different schedules and eating habits.

Who would you like to slow dance with? To what song? I guess my husband and our “song” which is Truly, Madly, Deeply by Savage Garden.

What’s your favorite pet name someone calls you? I’m not a fan of pet names.

If you could talk to one species of animal what would it be? Dogs - it would make my job fifty million times easier lol.

What’s the largest animal you’ve ever seen in person? Elephants.

Have you ever used the change counting machine at a store or mall? No.

Would you give mouth to mouth to your dog to save its life? In a heartbeat.

Do you collect anything? Do people give you tons of stuff related to it? Wax melts lol and I guess - Mike gets me vouchers every year for my birthday and/or Christmas.

If you came with a warning label, what would it say? “Proceed with caution: Probably doesn’t know what the fuck is going on.” <-- ooh, I like this answer. What she said.

Have you ever tried to learn a language on your own? Yeah, I taught myself a bit of Spanish on Duolingo during lockdown but I got bored of it after a while.

Where do you keep your change at home? I have a jar in the cupboard where I put cash payments from clients, and it all gets paid in on a Friday afternoon.

Have you ever had a pet destroy something valuable or important? Yeah, one of the cats broke our TV - they were playing and must have knocked it because we came down one morning and it wasn’t working properly and keeps freezing and getting lines everywhere lol. What’s the best burger EVER? Meh, I’m not really a big fan of burgers.

Did you ever show up late for an important event? No. I have a real thing about being late - I’d rather be half an hour early lol.

[earthtooz]

𝟐:𝟎𝟑 𝐀𝐌

fluff, hints at a fight that happened so minimal hurt/comfort, sooo much swearing, ooc rin bc he's so hard to write wtf he has a personality of an apple but i love him &lt;3

it’s 2 am.

it’s 2 am and someone is knocking on your door like a madman.

you were simply trying to catch some shut eye, exhausted from a day of grieving and almost breaking down into tears on several occasions. the accumulation of a shitty day, a stressful deadline, and the massive fight you had with your boyfriend, itoshi rin, two days ago, really committed to keeping your day melancholic at best. sleep was everything you needed right now, both for its regenerative and escapist purposes.

yet again, you really cannot catch a break from the spite of the universe because it is out of rage that you find yourself walking towards your front door; an anger that dissipates when you see who it is on the other side.

1/3 of the reason why your day sucked. your painfully beautiful boyfriend.

the argument you had with rin was left open-ended on whether the relationship should continue or not. to you, it seemed as though both parties were at different opinions, with you wanting to maintain what you had. after two days of not responding to your texts, you suppose that that had been a short way of answering the ambiguity.

willingly, although reluctantly, you open the door, preparing to end something that you were not ready to let go.

he’s sweaty and he’s panting. did he run up the stairs or something, why is he so puffed? how is he so pretty despite that?

“hey,” you begin, feeling small in his presence. rin bores through you with his teal eyes, not saying anything. you cringe at the silence.

“i appreciate the effort but y’know, if you wanted to make our breakup official couldn’t you have done it at a reasonable hour, rin?”

his eyes narrow at that statement, betraying his usually stoic expression with furrowed brows and an agape mouth. confused. he’s confused, but you don’t see any of it because you find the floor more interesting than your boyfriend (?).

with a deep inhale, you just decide to go for it. if he’s not going to declare it, then you will. “look, rin, maybe you’re right, if this relationship is holding you back then maybe it is best we-“

“-the olive theory.”

“excuse me?”

the first words this man utters to you after two days… is the olive theory?

the dark-haired continues. “the olive theory, we’re- we’re supposed to be compatible.”

you are way over your head right now. did you even wake up? is this a dream? why is your, usually all-straight-talk, boyfriend talking to you about the olive theory at 2am, stammering whilst doing so? what kind of hallucination is this?

“rin, what?”

“i like olives, you hate them, we’re meant to work, and i don’t think i can continue on like this.”

you blink once, twice, three times before pointing at him. “you’re telling me that we’re compatible, yet in the same sentence, telling me that we should break up?”

"i didn’t want to break up?”

“but you just said you can’t continue on like this, what else do you mean?” your voice is at a hushed whisper at best, and although you wanted to raise it louder, you fear that your neighbours would not be happy.

“i meant that i can’t continue on without you!”

silence.

“i’ve become so co-dependent on you that i fucking hate it. i can’t fucking function without you, even that fuckhead isagi knows that i’m off and it’s all because of you. it’s only been two fucking days and i’m not landing 60% of my goals, i’m not receiving 20% of my passes correctly, and i keep tripping over myself, you’re ruining me, y/n.”

the flurry of emotions within you triples, and you’re so flabbergasted that no words can escape your mouth. truthfully, you can't think straight, but if you could, the words would fizzle out in your throat before they even saw the light of day.

“if i have to suffer any more of this stupid silence between us then i might kill a bitch. that bitch being the antennae freak.”

even more silence, and rin is practically begging you with his gaze to say something. funnily enough, the next thing you murmur is out of reflex: “don’t say that about shidou.”

he groans. “if i didn’t love you, i would choke you right now.” wow, itoshi rin has a way with words.

the threat causes you to crack a smile. “well, good thing you love me,” you mutter whilst grabbing him by the wrists to pull him inside your apartment. “and it’s a good thing i love you too.”

“well no shit, we’ve been in a relationship for-“

“-shut up and kiss me, you smooth talker.”

the soccer player smirks in amusement before leaning forward, closing the physical and metaphorical space between you, soothing the heartache with gentle touches and a fervent need to love one another.

༊* BONUS:

“why are you here at 2 am? i thought you, of all people, would be fast asleep.”

“tried to, can’t sleep without you- you’re a real pain in my ass, you know that?”

you smile fondly as he hooks an arm around you waist, collapsing into you as a way of saying that he doesn’t mean his rough words. “so i’m just another bedwarmer?” you ask teasingly.

he grumbles a ‘tch’, digging his nose into your nape. “you’re an idiot.”

“thank you, love. speaking of bedwarming, can we go to sleep?” perfectly paired with a yawn, rin looks at you with slight guilt in his eyes before dragging you down the memorised path to your bedroom.

once there, he wastes little time in dragging you into the sanctuary of your bed, and you let out a sigh of content when rin turns off the lights and pulls the covers up. instinctively, your hands retreat to his hair, carding through them.

he’s holding you close, hands resting protectively around your waist.

“we have a lot to talk about in the morning, but did you not get any of my texts?”

“you texted?”

“…yeah?”

“oh yeah, i remember now that i blocked you after our fight.”

you mercilessly smother him with your pillow.