#like pre RA is ''Wait For It''

[notoriousroar]

{ // Been slowly picking away at a playlist for this verse for Flame

[akkivee]

i pulled jiro!!!!! tho it’s not my favourite interpretation of jiro’s confidence issues, i did enjoy seeing middle child syndrome as a part of jiro’s conflicts this season!!!! bc of that need to prove himself tho, he played to his strengths well, like rallying others’ motivation for example, which did its job in showing what he is capable of!!!!!

[notoriousroar]

Now don't go and call Flame a housecat to her face- she'll adamantly deny it, saying she's a fearsome predator with a bite that can easily crush bone, she's no tiny domestic cat! ...Okay maybe she is tiny compared to Nefarious but she's not a domestic cat! And she'd say she's not even tamed, either. If anyone calls her a housecat or says she's tamed, they're getting bit or burned as a reminder that she's not.

Except Nefarious. He gets a pass. If he wanted to call Flame a housecat he could without worry of getting bitten or shot with plasma. He could probably get away with a lot before Flame finally decided to even growl at him.

Case in point; the surgery. There wasn't a single other person in the universe that Flame would allow to knock her out and stick needles into her spinal column. Let alone knock her out at all. Yet here she was, laying soundly unconscious on a metal table in the medbay, Nefarious doing exactly that.

If all goes well, when she finally wakes from this and adjusts, and if Nefarious suggests it, Flame may consider allowing him to fix her wings next. But for now, she's sound asleep, not a single thought, dream, or nightmare between those ears.

Well. He hadn't been expecting that. This mysterious creator wasn't so mysterious anymore, it seemed - Tomas K. Morow, the scientific hack who this overgrown housecat had escaped from. It was branded into her skin, into the very fur underneath her collar; and by the look of it, it was a very old brand. How utterly barbaric! There were much more elegant ways to mark your work than with a hot iron.

A subcutaneous microchip, for example.

Which reminded him - the electroencephelo anesthesia would only last so long before her brainwaves unscrambled themselves and she'd come to.

Three cannulas were inserted between the first three vertebra at the base of her skull; the syringe came next, screwing into each of the cannula before administering the supplemental spinal fluid.

He scowled to no one in particular as he worked; why did Squishies have to be so... squishy?? Made of all soft bits and fluids. It was as disgusting as it was inefficient.

The fact that Flame didn't even flinch when the needles were jammed into her spinal column was a good sign. It meant that what came next, she wouldn't feel at all.

Probably.

[sleepyanya]

□—┆SOMETHIN’ STUPID , frank sinatra

— prompt… he really couldn’t help but admire your raw beauty as you spoke so gracefully. you always seemed to maintain a captivating smile throughout conversation, no matter the topic. and for a split second, a moment of peace bristled by… the unanticipated words of “i love you” fall from his lips. wait… what?

— gn.reader x (pre-crash) curly , small fic i cooked up >_<

— cw; perchance some angst

captain curly, the type of man who you’d dream about in your deepest slumber. someone who exudes such charisma and brilliance was hard to come by—an attitude so confident you’d think he was faking it. but he wasn’t, he was true. he was real. so when you’d first met the captain, you were slightly taken back. smile so charming it made you fuel with slight jealously. then, you’d remember how hard you had taken your first month on the tulpar. heart aching and mind reaching out for the safety back on earth. it was non other than the captain who’d console you, warm hand rubbing circles on your back. his voice was, oh so, deep and sweet as he spoke positive affirmations into the stuffy spacecraft air. it sure was hard to be jealous of a man with such greatness. from then on, you never doubted curly as captain.

he had your trust. truly the only member amongst the crew you found yourself coming to when free from your daily duties. even though it was unlikely the both of you would be on break together, the moments you did were filled with flashed smiles and shy laughter. you recalled a particular night where oatmeal was served for dinner. you sat across curly who made easy conversation with you. well, that’s what it seemed like to you. the man beside you who should’ve been long retired, grumbled out “quit flirting and eat your damn food.” before abruptly standing up and leaving the dinner table. it was safe to say curly avoided you a few days out of sheer embarrassment. not very leader like of the captain, you thought that night with a small smile.

“—no meteor’s in sight. 312 days left in counting.” you can hear curly’s voice from the other side of the cockpit door. judging by his words, he most likely was journaling the day’s activities. you hear curly huff, the quiet sound of his chair squeaking under his weight. you raise your knuckles and knock against the metal door. immediately, the doors open automatically.

“am i interrupting?” a small smile plays at your lips. curly turns in his seat, his face softening at the sight of you. his head shakes, the curls framing his face bouncing as he did so. “of course not. come on in.” he gestures with a smile of his own. you walk in and take a seat at the open spot next to curly, the doors closing themselves behind you. if you were anyone else besides jimmy, he wouldn’t allow you to sit close at the cockpit for safety reasons.

“what brings you in?” it was only then you realize how tiresome curly’s voice sounded. a part of you wishes he got more rest, but you suppose thats one of the many sacrifices he makes as captain. you shrug. “what? can’t come say hi to my favorite captain?” your smile was big and wide, akin to a child successfully stealing candy from the convenience store. curly laughs. “im the only captain here, though? unless… you count jimmy as captain too.”

your face converts at curly’s insinuation. he takes notice of your face scrunch and laughs once more. “why that face?” he says in between chuckles. and for a moment, you found yourself a lost for words. not because of his question but rather because curly was undeniably perfect. his laugh was perfect, his personality was perfect, his face was especially perfect. you quickly shrug that honey of a feeling away, attempting to ignore the heat spreading across your face.

“nothing.” you simply excuse. before you could allow curly’s curiosity to grow, you continue. “a-anyway! earlier today i was talking to daisuke, right?” it didn’t take a genius for curly to know a ramble was brewing. he didn’t mind, rather, he preferred it. curly whole heartedly believed he could hear you talk for hours on end—and that wasn’t an overstatement. the speed in which you talked, showcasing the excitement in which what you had to say along side your frantic hand gestures… it was enduring. he sits quietly, listening to every thing you spoke of with such intensity it almost felt like he was tucking the information into the safest parts of his mind. which he was.

“and did you know he has a gameboy!? you know what that is, right?” you continue with such fever that curly didn’t have enough time to answer your question. his lips were left parted but slowly curled upwards once more into a soft smile. his skin tints a red hue at the apple of his cheeks, his gaze focus on nothing only but you—arms crossed, planted into his seat until you grew tired from bubbling away. and suddenly, you pause with your lips sealed in silence. curly doesn’t realize the fact he grows uncomfortable. without your voice, the quiet begins to irritate him. perhaps you finally realized how curly eyed you with such raw want and endearment?

and before curly could allow you to get another word out, he murmurs—“I love you.” so earnest and faint you could’ve nearly missed it. you blink, your mind slowly taking the weight of his words into comprehension. and then, your eyes widen with realization and so does his.

“please, step out.” curly breathes out. it was so fast you swear you could’ve gotten whiplash from it. at first, you thought he was just embarrassed, but the look on his face loudly states otherwise.

your expression was fast to morph into one of confusion. “w-wait, hold on, curly—” his name passes your lips so smoothly, so used too addressing him by his actual name instead of his title. that mere fact always enlighten a fire in curly’s chest so bright and big— but he knew he had to extinguish it.

he then stands up from the cockpit chair, his tall figure looming over you. “it’s captain to you.” he states, voice plain and bland. he was the captain for crying out loud. relationships were strictly prohibited on the tulpar for multitude of reasons—this being one. he had a job to get done yet he was wasting his time on… you.

you examine his fallen expression, noting the furrow of his thick eyebrows and frown displaying on his lips. your heart clenches to the point it nearly hurts. how could a few simple words break you so fast? you found yourself swallowing down the urge to cry.

“where is this coming from? y-you’re the one who said it.” tone full of hurt was the first thing curly picked up on. you didn’t mean to protest—but something within you wanted to resolve this as quickly as possible because a part of you knew your relationship wouldn’t go back to what it was.

curly lets out a heavy sigh, his hand running through his messy, blonde hair you grew to love. “look, it just came out. it was an accident. i-…” he stops mid sentence, his eyes finding yours. curly sees the heartbreak in your eye and doesn’t miss the glossy build up ready to spill.

“—i didn’t mean it…” he finishes but it comes out unsure—nearly seeming like a question directed towards himself. the silence after is defining, alike a thick blanket being placed over the both of you. tension so tight, it might as well suffocate the both of you. it was only then he realizes he won’t ever have the pleasure of hearing your joyful rambles after this. not after saying what he said. then, he feels regret, incredibly so and his mind flashes to him wrapping his arms around you—hand finding purchase on the back of your head and muttering out countless apologies before pulling you into a soft kiss that may speak more than his pitiful sorry’s.

but he only imagines. instead, he watches you finally blink away the tear that once threaten to spill. it glides down the soft of your cheek then falls once dipping past the edge of your jaw. you quickly wipe the wet off your face and stand up. curly’s hands twitch, full on ready to grab you by your uniform and bring you into his chest.

“have a good rest of your evening, captain.” it stings. it shouldn’t have but it does. the door slides open to allow you through and the only thing accompanying curly’s ears is the sound of your fading footsteps.

as you round the corner, you spot jimmy who stands crossed arm near the cockpit door. you pause for a moment before scoffing. a smirk lengthens across his wrinkled face when you walk past him.

“a captain’s gunna do what his gotta do.” jimmy mumbles under his breath.

POSTED- 11/29/24. do not translate/steal my work |

[ceesimz]

Stand By Me

Two weeks.

That's all it had been since you last saw each other.

Considering it was only the start of the relationship, it felt like a life time. Work had kept the two of you apart; Alexia seemed to have to travel constantly at the moment, and the busyness of your own job had picked up too. Even when you were in the same city as each other, there still wasn't enough time, and it felt like torture knowing you were just miles away from each other.

But that's what made your relationship so sweet. When the pair of you got together, it was like the rest of the world went away. If it was just the two of you, you saw a different side to Alexia and she saw a different side to you. You felt invincible when you were together. You could never take for granted the soft, tender, shy, and tooth-rottingly sweet persona of Alexia Putellas off the pitch, and you thought maybe, just maybe, she felt the same way about you.

Apparently not.

Here you now were, sat alone at the restaurant that you were supposed to be meeting her at, slowly harbouring a glass of wine as you watched the time tick away on the clock opposite you. Despite the chatter, laughter, music, and general background noise of the restaurant, bustling as it was on this Friday evening, you swore you could hear the hands move on the clock.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Five minutes - fine! Not a problem.

Ten minutes - still alright.

Fifteen minutes - well... a text sent.

Twenty minutes - a bottle of wine ordered.

Thirty minutes? This was unfair. Not even a reply of warning. In fact, you hadn't gotten a single text all day.

Still, the clock, tick, tick, ticking away, mocking, teasing.

Where the hell was she?

"Perdónarme, señorita, if you are not going to order, we have a lot of people waiting for a table."

There we go. The last straw.

At the waiter's words, you stood abruptly from the table, gulped down the rest of your wine, before grabbing your coat and storming out. That was nothing short of utterly humiliating. You were in half a mind to take the bottle of wine with you and drown your sorrows on the walk home, but you'd already had enough embarrassment for one night. Walking out of a restaurant full of lovers on your own with nobody holding your hand, nobody carrying your coat for you, nobody guiding you out to a pre-booked taxi with their hand lingering on your lower back. You had yourself and yourself only, and being seen gaining comfort from a ridiculously expensive bottle of wine was not the impression you were trying to achieve.

Still, that didn't stop you from throwing your heels off in the corridor of your small Barcelona flat and heading straight to the fridge for one of the beers you kept in there. You could only fall asleep later that night after your best friend back in your home town in England called you up and criticised the woman you thought could do no wrong, having you belly laughing until you succumbed to your exhaustion, feeling significantly lighter.

Frustratingly, that was only a temporary thing. The first thing on your mind the following morning, was how badly you missed the feeling of a certain Catalonian's arms being wrapped around you. Again, it was just the start of the relationship (if that was even a thing anymore), so there had only been a few... sleepovers, but that didn't diminish the longing you had.

"Fuck sake." You grumbled, swinging your body to sit on the edge of the bed as you sighed heavily, head dropping back and eyes closing.

Waking up sad and alone in a foreign country, no matter how long you had lived there, never got any easier - especially when you had been so cruelly ghosted the previous night. The embarrassment lingered heavily in your chest, and you wanted to do nothing all day but sulk in your flat, then get drunk in one of Barcelona's many night clubs. Previously, you had rejected your friends' plans for tonight in the hopes of spending time with Alexia, but that had obviously flown out of the window after last night's events, or rather the lack of events.

So, you sent a text to the group chat containing your favourite friends you'd met so far in this beautiful city, informing them of your new decision, smiling when you instantly received an influx of messages conveying their joy. However, to your own annoyance, you found yourself pressing on Alexia's chat to see that she had left you on read.

Un-fucking-believable.

That night, you made sure to put on the little black dress you'd been keeping at the back of your wardrobe, hoping to one day wear it when you were going out with Alexia. But boy had she ruined that chance now.

When you got drunk whilst carrying a variety of angry emotions (especially when it came to relationships), you knew you had a habit of acting a little... petty, to say the least. That habit came in full force at 2am, when you decided to post a picture of yourself in your outfit, a smug and knowing grin on your face, hoping for Alexia to see it on your Instagram story.

Still drunk and awake at 6am, however now thankfully in the comfort of your own bed, you checked your Instagram story views, and there it was. Alexia had seen it. And... liked it? Was she serious right now? With a frustrated huff, you threw your phone down on the bed beside you and tossed onto your side angrily, refusing to let this get to you. Admittedly, that was a little hard to do in your drunk and emotional state.

You weren't entirely surprised to find your pillow coated with the after effects of tear-streaked mascara the next morning, but you were more worried about the pounding on your front door that caused your head to throb. Not quite jumping out of bed, it was more of a stumble really, you threw on your dressing gown and very quickly washed your face as to not scare off whoever was meer minutes away from bashing your door down.

"Fucking hell, it's early, who are-" You cut yourself off when you swung the door open, only to be met with the one person you were not expecting. "No."

Spiteful laughter bubbled out of you before you could control your reactions, and you slammed the door shut in her face.

...okay, maybe that was a little harsh, but in your hungover state, you didn't really have the sympathetic capacity to feel sorry about it.

"Please. I need to talk." Alexia pleads, a tired frown on her face as she held onto a bouquet of flowers.

"Why?" You leaned back against the door, bending over a little to rub stressfully at your face.

"I messed up, I know it. Please. I want to, to explain myself."

You would be lying if you said her English accent, sounding much sadder than you'd heard it before, didn't pull at your heart.

"I'm not in the mood right now, Alexia. It's early."

"It's two o'clock." Comes Alexia's confused voice.

Your eyes went wide as you looked at the digital clock on your coffee table, seeing it was indeed 2pm.

"Well... just not now, Ale!" You groan, rubbing your temple.

"Vale, vale." You just about hear her sigh exasperatedly on the other side of the door. "Soon, por favor. Tengo algo qué admitir." (I have something to admit.)

"What, that you're an arsehole?" You snort, before grimacing at yourself. "Sorry! Sorry, I'm sorry."

"No, it is okay." Alexia sounds a little humoured rather than offended. "I did not mean to... not show up to our date. There was a confusion with my schedule, and I did not mean to hurt you, guapa. I would really like to explain it. Please let me have a chance."

It falls silent between you both for a second as you consider your options. Your head was pounding, you were in a horrendous state appearance wise, and judging by your peculiar actions within the past few moments, you're pretty sure you're still a little drunk.

"How about we meet for coffee in an hour?" You suggest, because you really needed a shower and perhaps 1 or 2 or 10 glasses of water.

Sure, she'd already seen you in your current state, but you were not about to have an adult conversation with panda eyes and awful morning breath.

"Sí, I would like that." Alexia lets out a breath of relief. "At our bakery?"

You smile sadly at that - there was a bakery down the road from your apartment, a tiny but heavenly place with the best coffee and pastries that you had immediately claimed as your favourite breakfast spot within days of moving to Barcelona. When you introduced Alexia to it after your first night together, she had grown to love it just like you. From then on, most times you were together, you would go there.

"Yes, at our bakery." You confirm, closing your eyes as you picture her solemn face behind the door.

"Okay, I will be there. I... your flowers?" Alexia says, again with a hopeful lilt to to her voice.

You pause, before turning to open the door ever so slightly, half your face showing in the gap. This gave you the chance to take in Alexia's appearance, and it caused your defiance towards her to crack a bit. Her eyes were quite red, there seemed to be a frown permanently etched onto her face, and a pair of dull bags under her eyes seemed to drag her skin down. It was quite heartbreaking, to say the least. You're brave enough to think even you looked better than her right now in your current state of appearance.

"Gracias, Ale. Qué son hermosas." You take the bouquet from her, looking down at the abundance of stunningly colourful flowers organised perfectly.

"Tus favoritos." Alexia offers a semi-genuine smile as you meet eye to eye. You return the smile, seeing hers grow at the sight. "I swear I am so sorry for my actions, guapa."

"It was really humiliating on Friday, Ale." You admit. Alexia pinches the bridge of her nose as her frown somehow intensifies.

"Lo siento mucho, de verdad." Alexia mumbles, looking at the floor as she's too ashamed to look you in the eye. "It was not my, my... intentions?" She looks up at you briefly as you nod to confirm she's said the right word. "Sí, it was not my intentions to have you feel like that. I need to explain, please."

Alexia Putellas was not one to beg, you knew that.

"You can, later." You tell her. She nods and brushes her hair back with her hand.

"Gracias. Really, thank you."

"I'll see you soon."

"Vale. I will show up this time." She jokes light-heartedly, making you let out a huff of laughter and shake your head.

"If you don't, I'm never talking to you again." Her eyes widen at that and she nods nervously as you hold back a laugh.

"I will be there." She states firmly.

"Good." You offer a small smile. "Bye, Ale."

She nods once more and takes a few steps backwards, just gazing at you.

"Bye, amor." She murmurs, before turning around and walking away.

To your relief, Alexia stuck true to her word. An hour later, you saw her sat at one of the outdoor tables of the bakery, a hat and a hood allowing her to stay mostly incognito. But you knew her all too well and instantly recognise her despite her shoddy disguise. Her posture was slumped slightly, another sign that maybe mentally she wasn't doing that great.

"Hola." You greet her, making her raise her head immediately and look at you with a face of relief.

"You are here." She states simply, almost in disbelief.

"I could say the same about you." You hit back, wincing as the words leave your mouth.

"Mm." Alexia grimaces, trailing her eyes back down to where her hands rested on the table.

You take a seat across from her, noticing she'd already ordered your favourite pastry and hot drink for you.

"Thanks for these." You smile up at her.

"You want me to... get straight into it?" The English phrase sounds funny coming from her, it sitting unfamiliarly on her tongue.

"Please."

You watch as she shifts uncomfortably in her chair and sighs, folding her arms on the table and keeping her eyes cast down.

"Friday, I was with my family. Friday was... ten years of my Papí's death."

Well, shit.

"Oh my god." You freeze, eyes wide as you stare at her. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I-"

"You didn't know, amor, it is not your issue." Alexia reasurres you. You put your head in your hands and groan quietly.

"I could have been less petty and immature about it though. Fuck, I am so sorry, Alexia. I had no idea." You ramble, mentally kicking yourself and looking at her through your fingers. She responds silently with a soft smile as she gently pulls your hands from your face.

"No, I am sorry, guapa. I didn't talk to you, I left you... in the dark. Or, alone at a restaurant." She jokes, and you let out a breath of relief.

"A text would have been nice." You mumble after a few moments, eyes focused on your connected hands as Alexia brushes her thumbs over your knuckles.

"I know. That is another reason why I feel bad. I left you, and I didn't send you a text to tell you. Really, I am so sorry. It was just... a hard day." It's said in a quiet tone that's laced with emotion, and that paired with her appearance, you knew instantly she was telling you the absolute truth.

"I bet it was." You smile sadly at her.

"I know I should have been... should have told you the truth. But I am now. I did not mean to hurt you, no way. My head was... full. It did not stop running and running. I didn't look at my phone on Friday at all, I just noticed yesterday what I had done. When I knew, I was so angry with myself." Alexia explains. "Alba shouted at me too."

You giggle at that, and she chuckles along with you.

"I believe you. I'm not mad." You admit.

Alexia drops her head so that her chin is to her chest, her anxiety now almost entirely eased thanks to your understanding.

"Dios mío, muchas gracias. Lo aprecio más de lo qué crees, amor." She mumbles, shaking her head before looking back up at you with tears in her eyes. (I appreciate it more than you know.)

"Just please don't do it again. Let me in next time. If we want to have a relationship, we need to communicate better, we need to be clear and honest, okay?" You tell her.

"Sí, I know. I know. I will try." Alexia says affirmatively. "I am not perfect. But I will try. I want this, I do."

You stand up from your chair, and at first Alexia panics internally, but when you offer your arms out for a hug, she leaps up and embraces you tightly.

"Neither of us are perfect, pero tengo muchas ganas de qué funcione también." You whisper in her ear, rubbing your hands up and down her back. (But I want it to work too, so much.)

"Yo también, cariño." Alexia places a handful of light, apologetic kisses on your neck.

"I'm sorry for being rude and petty earlier. I think I was still drunk." You admit sheepishly, Alexia laughing into your skin.

"I think you were. That was not like you." You grimace and nod in agreement. She pulls her head away and clutches at the back of your neck, her eyes searching yours. "We are okay?"

"Sí, amor. Más qué bien." (More than okay.)

When your lips finally connect, all is forgiven.

It's three weeks before the next incident.

In that time, Alexia had done a lot of grovelling. You had reasurred her many times that, as long as it was a one off occasion and due to the event she had missed your date for, you weren't angry. Not only had she surprised you with weekly flowers, date nights, and a night away together, she'd also asked you to be her girlfriend. It was a no-brainer, of course you said yes. Both of you had never been happier.

However, as you lay on the sofa of your apartment, sick supplies and tissues surrounding you and a blanket borderline suffocating you despite your temperature, you could only focus on the pain you felt for your girlfriend as the whistle blew for the Champions League Final.

Barcelona 1 - 3 Lyon.

You felt tears brewing uncomfortably at the sight of the white-kitted team celebrating, but that was nothing compared to the sight of your girlfriend lay on the field, sobbing her heart out.

If you were heartbroken, you can't even begin to imagine her pain. This was her dream, every footballer's dream, and it had been brutally pulled away from her and her team at the very last stage. And it all felt worse because you couldn't be there for her. Instead, you were stuck on your sofa, your whole body hurting and your chest rattling with every breath, completely ruined by a nasty chest infection.

It wasn't meant to end like this for the Barça Femení team. You knew it.

But Alexia... she couldn't even begin to fathom what had occured.

The moment the whistle blew, she went into shock. When she awoke the next morning, she couldn't remember much. The whole evening was a blur. She vaguely remembers the utter disgust she felt when a silver medal was placed around her neck, the anger she felt giving the Lyon team a guard of honour, and the stab in the heart when golden confetti landed on her.

She remembers feeling her mother's arms wrapped around her along with the reasurring whispers of her sister, but she had no idea what was actually said. She doesn't remember picking up her phone once at all that evening. She doesn't remember the silent coach journey back to the hotel. She doesn't remember getting into bed, and she has no idea how she fell asleep. Most importantly, she doesn't remember just how ill her girlfriend was.

Fuck.

Her girlfriend, her sick girlfriend who was devastated to not be able to fly to Turin with Alexia and her family. Her sick girlfriend who was all alone back in Barcelona, feeling worse than she ever had in her life.

Alone.

Alexia was completely unaware of the fact that you had managed to get ahold of Alba to try and find out how your girlfriend was. And when Alba had cared for you more in the space of a twenty minute phone call than Alexia had in the past 24 hours, you knew just what kind of situation you were in now. Despite the pain your girlfriend was feeling, you were nothing short of furious. Not that you could do much about it though, considering everytime you moved, you would cough so hard your vision went fuzzy. But your closest friend, who had dropped whatever she was doing to come to your flat and stay with you, at the request (demand) of Alba, she took all of that fury on for you and held onto it until you could handle it.

Even still, Alexia went down to breakfast shortly after waking up like she hadn't just ignored your messages that she briefly glanced at, along with the flurry of other messages from family and friends. She ate on her own in silence, airpods in with nothing playing in hopes of some peace. That wasn't achieved though, it was a futile and pathetic attempt. Her mind wouldn't stop.

For the whole of yesterday evening and this morning, the defeat ate at Alexia more than any other mistake she'd made. But as she sat there, alone, staring at her empty plate, she knew she had royally fucked up again with you, and this realisation took over every other mistake she'd made. Not only that, but she had also left her phone in her hotel room, and right now that felt like adding fuel to the fire.

Her chair scraped against the floor as she pushed it back quickly, darting off to the elevator and spamming the button for it to pick her up. When it arrives, she almost runs straight into some other hotel guests, but she doesn't apologise. She steps to the side and waits for them to get out, before pressing the button for her floor and willing the doors to close before anyone else could get on. They did, thankfully, and she urged the lift to move quicker, watching the floors increase until finally she got to the right one. As she ran to her room, going past a few of her teammates who simply just stared at her, she stopped outside the door and checked her pockets for her keycard.

She'd left it in the room.

"��Joder, no!" She shouts, banging her palms against her own door angrily. Her chest heaved as she rested her forehead against the door, finally feeling the tears she had resisted.

"Ale? ¿Qué paso?" Mapi approaches her cautiously, Ingrid standing back and watching on with concern.

"Dame tu teléfono." Alexia demands, holding her hand out. (Give me your phone.)

"Ale-"

"¡Dame tu teléfono ahora!" She shouts, Mapi glancing back worryingly at Ingrid before handing her phone over immediately. As quick as she could, Mapi unlocks the phone for her and Alexia types in your phone number.

"¿Hola?" It's not your voice.

"Where is she?" Alexia questions, hastily wiping away the tears dripping down her face.

"No, Alexia. Too late." Your friend replies angrily.

"Let me talk to her, ahora." Alexia requests weakly, her cold, strong demeanor cracking by the second.

"She is asleep. She cried herself to exhaustion after staying up all night worrying for you. No way am I letting her talk to you." Your friend spat out brutally, before hanging up.

Alexia drops the phone and slumps back against the wall, sliding down against it until she's on the floor.

"Who did you call?" Mapi asks softly, sitting beside her friend.

"Mi novia." Alexia sighs, resting her elbows on her knees and covering her face.

"You have a girlfriend?" Mapi couldn't stop the surprised answer from bursting out of her, and in turn she received a kick in the shin from Ingrid.

"Do you need a new key?" Ingrid questions. When Alexia nods behind her hands, Ingrid looks expectantly at Mapi.

"Why me?" Mapi responds but she gets up immediately when her girlfriend glares at her. She walks away with her hands in the air, going back to the elevator. Ingrid sits in her place.

"¿Qué paso?" Ingrid wonders softly, wrapping an arm around Alexia's shoulders.

"She is really sick. And I have pushed her away, again." Alexia reveals, grabbing her shirt by the collar and pulling it up to cover her face.

"Again?" Ingrid pushes gently.

"Sí, again. I am an idiot. I keep doing it and I do not know why." Alexia groans, angry at nobody but herself.

The two women talk for a while, Ingrid managing to help Alexia work through some of her emotions before Mapi comes back with a new keycard.

"Gracias, mis amigas." Alexia mumbles, being pulled into a hug by Ingrid, quickly joined by Mapi.

"Let us meet her." Ingrid requests with a smile, Mapi nodding in agreement with a grin.

"Who has tamed Alexia?" Mapi teases, earning a smack on the head by her girlfriend. "Ay, lo siento."

Alexia shakes her head at the pair of them, a tiny slither of a smile on her face as she turns to open her door. The couple walk away with a wave, before Alexia closes the door behind her and rushes over to her phone.

The influx of messages from you break her heart. You sent your last text at 04:17AM, and even though Alexia sensed you were angry at her, it was still filled with love and care.

Yes, she'd hugely messed up.

She was sat on the end of the bed, head in her hands, when her phone rang. Her heart hoped it was you, but her brain knew it wasn't. Instead, it was her sister, and she knew she was about to be in for a lecture and a half.

As expected, she answered and was immediately met with an overload of Spanish being bellowed at her down the line. There was no way she could get a word in as Alba went on and on, and with every word that came out of her sister's mouth, the guilt she felt increased tenfold.

How had she done it again?

"Sí, lo sé, Alba. Lo sé." Alexia mumbles when Alba finally pauses. (Yes, I know, Alba. I know.)

The younger woman goes to speak again, but she's interrupted by broken sobs that wreck through Alexia's body. That's when Alba realises her sister didn't need a lecture now, she had realised her mistake, and what she needed was advice. So, for an hour, that's what she gave. Until the cries of her older sister finally subsided, and there were only background sniffles to her solutions.

After they hung up on each other, Alexia went onto your contact and took her time typing out a message to you. She knew the likelihood of receiving a reply was very low, but it was the first step in making up for her idiocy.

Alexia: Amor, I have no words, no excuses for my actions. I have messed up and broken your trust again. I should not have let the defeat get to me as much as it did, and because of it, I neglected you. It is unforgivable but I know I really messed up and I will really try hard to win you back. I'm coming back to Barcelona tonight, I want to see you so bad but if you don't want me I understand. I hope you're feeling better, I'm so sorry I have been so selfish and I wish I was there to look after you. I hope to see you soon, amor. Feel better soon ❤️

Turning her phone off, she drops it beside her and lays back on the bed. Her forearms cover her eyes as she takes a few deep breaths, overwhelmed by everything that had happened.

"Venga, Ale, tenemos nuestra reunión de equipo ahora." Mapi knocks on her door and shouts through. (Come on, Ale, we have our team meeting now.)

With a heavy sigh, Alexia once again wipes her face on the inside of her t-shirt before getting up - taking her phone with her this time - and leaving her room, accompanied by her good friend.

Meanwhile, back at your flat, you had woken up to the sounds of clattering from your kitchen as your friend made you some grilled cheese toasties and tomato soup. You notice your phone wasn't anywhere around you, so you clamber out of bed, not without a cough, and head towards the kitchen.

"Bon día!" Your Catalonian friend smiles brightly at you from her place in front of the stove.

"Have you got my phone?" You croak out, rubbing your eyes tiredly.

"Sí. I'm not sure you want it." Your friend sighs angrily as she turns back to the food.

"Why?" You ask with a frown. "Has Alexia replied?"

"Yes."

"Well, let me see then." You reply flatly, walking over to take your phone from where you spotted it in her jacket pocket. She steps out of your reach and shakes her head.

"I'm so angry with her, chica, I'm not letting you just walk back into her arms." Your friend warns you.

"I'm not just gonna walk back into her arms, I'm not stupid." You argue, and your friend sighs again.

"I never said that. I didn't mean that. Sorry. I just mean... she always throws you to the side when she's going through a hard time. You are the most caring person I have met, I don't see why she acts like the way she does when she's upset. It makes no sense, chica, and you don't deserve that. Especially when you are so ill like you are." Your friend tells you softly, dishing up your food.

"I know and I am fucking angry about it." You mumble, moving to sit at the tiny dining table in your kitchen.

"Good. You better know your worth, because that woman doesn't." She mumbles, bringing your food over and placing it in front of you. "Te amo, amiga."

You smile as she sweetly kisses your forehead before going off and cleaning her mess. The two of you make small talk as you eat, until she sits down in front of you with a pointed look.

"Hm?" You hum, waiting for her to get out whatever she was about to say.

"I will give you your phone. I'm going to do a grocery shop for you, so I'll give you your phone, but please do not sit on it and just make yourself more upset. I will be quick as I can, sí?" You nod and smile at her as she slides her phone over to you. "Call if you need. See you soon."

She grabs her coat and walks out the door. When she's gone, you immediately go on your phone and look for Alexia's message. You read it, your heart being pulled in about a million different directions emotion-wise, and... as much as you hate to admit it, you believe her. Ultimately though, you choose not to reply to it. She doesn't deserve that yet.

Instead, you move over to the sofa and collapse onto it, a devastated frown on your face as your bottom lip quivers. Tears sneak their way out, soaking the pillow you rest your head on, tired of being ill and tired of being cast aside by your girlfriend.

A few hours later, as you sleep with your head on your friend's lap, there is a knock at your door. You don't hear it of course as you got some more much needed rest, so your friend gently slides out from underneath you and answers it.

"Are you fucking serious?" She growls when she opens the door to see Alexia on the other side. "Are you really here right now?"

"I know you have looked after her when I've been gone, but I am here now, and I need to see her, please. I am so sorry." Alexia pleads, her infamous frown seemingly etched permanently on her face nowadays.

"She is asleep, so I'm going to lower my voice but don't forget how angry I am with you." Your friend takes a deep breath, trying to remain calm. "She has been desperate to speak to you. She didn't stop crying for you and your loss all evening yesterday, and then all night too when she realised you had begun to ignore her again. Imagine how she feels, knowing you are in pain, but being shoved out? And then double her feelings, because she knows that you know she is so sick right now, yet you still choose to act how you have. Her head is all over the place: one part of her is so unbelievably angry at you, another part of her just wants you to hold her until she is better, her mental state seems to just take constant hits because of you. So no, while I am here, you will not see her. I'm taking care of her, giving her my love, doing chores for her since she can hardly breathe, all the things you as a girlfriend should be doing. You are childish and selfish and so fucking egotistical if you think you can march in here and say 'ooh, lo siento bebíta' and expect her to fall back into your arms. You do not deserve her, so go away."

Despite the supposedly calm voice your friend speaks with (it was not calm, it was brutal, spitting, and patronising, with each word hitting Alexia like a bullet), you were woken up by the commotion just a few metres away from you. Neither of the two at your door could see your face where you were on the couch, so you laid still and listened to them.

"I know I have done wrong. I'm a shit girlfriend, I fucking know it. But I still care for her, more than anything in my life. I forgot that for a few hours and I regret it more than anything in my life because I... I love her."

Your eyes widen at that - you and Alexia hadn't admitted that to each other yet. Was she saying it now just to get to you, or did she actually mean it?

"You better mean that, if you are saying that just for the sake of an argument, just to try to win her back, I swear... I can't even think about that. Are you being serious?"

"Sí, absolutely serious. I love her. So much." Alexia's voice cracks from emotion, and you lift your head up a little to see her wipe away a tear. "I can't even explain how much I love her. She... she is the best thing in my life, and I don't know why I keep messing it up but I hate it as much as you do. I cannot even stand myself."

She talks about herself with so much disgust in her voice, it's unsettling to hear.

"You..." Your friend sighs and shakes her head. "Why, Alexia? Why do you do it?"

"I don't know. My, my head gets so... so dark and... clouded. I don't even remember what happened after the game. Uh... mi hermana says I went into shock. I think that's true because I remember nothing. I didn't drink, I had no alcohol. But I don't recall anything. There are... hours that are empty for me. All night. Until I woke up this morning and it's like my life outside of football slowly came back to me and I felt terrible. It's never my intention to neglect her, never. I'm ashamed when it happens because I know she is perfect for me and doesn't deserve me when I am being selfish and stuck in my head. But I love her, I have loved her for a while and I'm sad and fucking disappointed of myself that she doesn't know that." Alexia explains, her hands constantly swiping at her face, determined to not let her tears fall.

"I do know that, Ale." You say quietly, coming to stand beside your friend at the door.

The woman next to you has to suppress an eye roll, but she'd be lying if she said her anger towards Alexia hadn't diminished a little at her seemingly honest words.

"Amor..." Alexia breathes out at the sight of you.

"You can go back to rest, I have this." Your friend reasurres you softly, but you shake your head.

"I want to talk to her." You say, not taking your eyes away from your glum looking girlfriend who gazes at you wordlessly.

"You are sure?" You nod, and your friend walks away to give you both some space.

Alexia watches you, unsure if she should be the first to say anything. But before she can ponder that any longer, you wrap your arms around her tightly. You hide your face in her chest, knowing your friend is watching from the sofa absolutely seething at the image in front of her, but right now you needed this. And judging by Alexia's reaction of crying quietly into your neck, she needed it too.

"I... I am so, so sorry." Alexia says shakily, pulling back and tenderly cupping your face. "How do you feel?"

"Like shit." You mumble, not meeting her eyes. "Do you mean everything you just said?"

"All of it, every word." She answers, and for now, that's all you need.

"We will talk another time because I'm so angry at you, Ale, but right now I think we need each other more than anything." You state in an exasperated voice. Alexia doesn't think she's ever heard a more relieving sentence.

"Sí, sí, amor. I understand you are angry, I really do. Anything you want." Alexia rambles, softly stroking over the skin of your cheekbones.

"Give me a second. Wait here." You tell her. She nods vigorously and doesn't move a muscle when you're away from her.

"Amiga, are you sure this is what you want? I will beat her puta ass right now." Your friend offers, standing up from the couch and placing her hands on your shoulders.

"You don't need to do that. Not right now, anyway." You reply, chuckling at the suggestion and the subsequent image in your head.

"Vale. You call if you need me, I will be here in seconds, you know it. Let me know how it goes. Eres como una hermana para mí, te amo mucho." (You are like a sister to me, I love you so much.)

You smile up at her and gladly accept the hug she offers.

"I love you too, chica. Thank you for everything you've done. I'll speak to you soon." You tell her, squeezing her arm before she walks away.

Silently, you laugh as she glares at Alexia and bumps into her shoulder on her way out of the door. That girl.

"May I come in?" Alexia questions in a shy voice. You nod, and she quietly closes the door behind her. "Is there anything you would like me to do? Anything you need?"

Now that you were alone with her, you were torn. Your brain told you that you should be cautious, that you shouldn't trust her, but your heart wanted you to dive right into her arms and never leave again.

"I, um... I think I need to take my tablets now. The doctors gave me some antibiotics." You answer, your cheeks flushed red as you spoke sheepishly.

"Get yourself comfy on the couch. I will get them for you, and anything else you need or want." Alexia takes a few steps closer until there was less than a metre between you both. "Tell me. It's my job to look after you."

You bit back a nasty response to that, it wasn't the right time. If you wanted to keep the atmosphere as civil and comfortable as possible, now was definitely not the right time to spill every insult and emotion pent up inside you.

"I... I just want my girlfriend, Ale." You admit tearfully.

Alexia didn't think it was possible for such a short sentence to completely crush her heart.

"I am here. Here now." Alexia tells you, pulling you tight against her as yet more tears fall. "I will never forgive myself, amor."

"Please, just..." You sigh frustratedly, moving back from her arms. "Don't talk. I need you, not your words."

Alexia nods affirmatively, and from then on, the evening was spent with no more than a handful of words shared between you both. She helped you take your tablets, held you tightly on the sofa as a movie played on the TV, rubbed your back comfortingly whenever you coughed, cleaned your apartment quickly when you went off to get ready for bed, and whispered the sweetest words imaginable in your ear until you drifted off to sleep.

She didn't sleep at all that night, instead simply just cradled you in a position to ensure your chest wouldn't bother you. It wasn't exactly comfortable for her, but she'd go through anything to you make you feel better. As it often did, her mind spiralled uncontrollably as she sat in silence, the only sounds being your wheezing breaths, and she couldn't stop the stupid tears that leaked from her eyes.

Alexia despised crying. That was only something she had discovered later in her adult life, but she loathed it more than anything. It wasn't something relieving for her, she didn't 'feel better' after it like everyone always says, if anything she felt worse. Frustrated, pathetic, weak, and fucking tired.

But what did she hate more than crying?

Crying because of her disgraceful actions. Crying because you were crying as a result of her.

Whatever it was that was so fucked up wrong with her, she had to deal with it because she couldn't live like this anymore, you couldn't live with her like this anymore. She knew if she got this time right and you forgave her, she had no more chances. One more time of acting like this, you were gone. You didn't even have to say it for her to know it.

Life had no guarantees, she knew her future wasn't going to be perfect and there will be occasions that will have her hating the world, so she must sort through her mind to figure out why she reacted this way and how to fix it, how to react better.

Barcelona had a team of trusted psychologists and psychiatrists, so after her next training session, she would pay them a visit and ask for help.

"What's on your mind, Ale?" You croak out, feeling her tense body underneath you and knowing she was awake. The sunlight was shining through the curtains of your room, signifying it was now the next morning.

"Nada, amor. Vuelve a dormir." She shushes you, lightly trailing her fingers up and down your back. (Nothing, love. Go back to sleep.)

"No." You reply, shifting off of her to sit up against the headboard beside her, mirroring the position she'd been in all night. "Talk to me."

"It's early, we don't have to right now." She brushes you off and feels the temperature of your forehead with the back of her hand. "How do you feel?"

"Better."

It was a lie, you still felt like crap, but you just wanted to talk. Alexia was probably right though, first thing in the morning wasn't likely the best time to talk, but you wanted it over and done with.

"Are you sure?" Alexia checks with a shaky sigh.

"I want to talk. I want you to talk." You demand gently, Alexia nodding. "Be honest with me, Ale. Really fucking honest."

"Sí, I will." Alexia tells you. "Where do you want me to start?" You just stare at her wordlessly. "Okay. Okay."

She clears her throat nervously before she begins.

"Everything I said to your amiga yesterday was absolutely the truth. I swear it. I really don't remember much from after the match, but that's never really happened to me before. It's... a bit scary."

She pauses, fiddling with the drawstrings of her shorts.

"I didn't want it to happen. And I already know I need to speak to somebody about it because it was so scary when I realised what happened, and I never want it to do it again. I was just so set on us winning, getting revenge, defending our trophy, I guess I... didn't even consider us losing. It wasn't an option. But then we did lose and I was..."

She shrugs her shoulders, her eyes glazed over and unfocused as she absentmindedly stared off into your room.

"I was hurt. I gave it my all and it wasn't good enough. I felt like I had no more to give. I must have been really tired, I think I was for a long time, because when I got to my hotel room I think I went straight to sleep. Which again, never happens. I can't really sleep after a game, so for that to happen was really unusual. But I know this isn't what you wanted to hear or expected to hear, you want to hear me talk about how I felt about you. About the situation I put you in again."

She takes a deep breath and turns to look at you.

"I told you all that because I want you to know it wasn't a... a con- conscious?" You nod. "It wasn't a conscious decision or a purpose to act like that. I wasn't even in my head to make my own decisions. But I'm not going to blame my actions on that, I still blame myself for it. I need to make sure that won't happen again, it's only my responsibility, nobody else. It's not fair for me to react that way and for it to affect the people around me. I promise I am going to talk to a mental health helper about it."

Your lips turn up into a tiny smile at her skewed English translation of a therapist.

"But sometimes, when bad things happen, my head gets so negative and it's not a nice place to be. It's dark, and I don't... I don't want you to see that, amor. Because I get really negative. Mamí told me I apparently said I don't even want to play football again after the loss yesterday. That's how bad my mindset was."

The look on Alexia's face is one of pain as she speaks, and you're quite shocked to hear what she's saying right now - you can't remember a time she's ever let you in to her headspace like this. So openly and honestly, telling you her most intense and personal thoughts.

"I think I automatically push people I love away from me when I'm like that because I really, really don't want to hurt anyone. I am going to talk to the mental health team at Barca and set up some sessions with them because I am so serious about you, amor. I want to have this relationship, I want it more than anything. And I would choose to quit football than choose to upset you on purpose. I should have checked on you, cared for you, and let you in. But I was in my own head too much and acted like a selfish... selfish brat."

You huff a breath of laughter at the description choice of herself, something that sparks a bit of hope in her chest.

"If you choose to forgive me, I'll never let you forget how grateful I am. If you want to take it slow, I will take it slow. If... you want me to leave, I will leave. The ball is in your box."

"The ball is in your court." You correct her humourously. She blushes and shakes her head.

"The ball is in your court." She repeats, looking at you with such sincerity and tenderness that it takes away your breath away slightly.

"I'm going to be honest now, okay?" Alexia nods, ready for whatever you're about to say. "I was so upset when I realised you had started to ignore me again. All I ever want to do is care for you, Ale, and when you need it most you push me away. It hurts, it makes me insecure, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough or I'm doing something wrong or-"

"No, no, no, you don't, you never have." She wants to carry on, but you stare at her, unimpressed, and that's enough to stop her in her tracks.

"I know it might be hard for you to open up, but when it comes to hard times like this, the relationship feels quite one-sided. I'm not doing that, Ale. Plain and simple. That's not how a relationship works, you have to let me in. You have to let me be there for you. No protecting your reputation, no shutting off, none of that. You let me do my job as your girlfriend because I care for you. You can rely on me, you're allowed to lay off some of your emotions onto me because that's the only way to survive healthily; accepting help from others when you need it. You can only survive on your own for so long, and this relationship can only survive for so long if you continue like this."

You warn her sternly, looking at her with a firm glare that strikes fear in Alexia.

"If anything like this happens again, Alexia, I'm out. I'm not doing it."

There you go, your last line delivered to perfectly finish off your explanation. To be honest, at such a time in the morning and when you're ill, you can't really believe how well-put together your argument is.

"I hear everything you say, amor. I hear it and I'm going to do better. You are an incredible person. You deserve better than I have given and I swear to you I'm going to be better from now on. I recognise my stupid mistakes and I know how I'm going to start fixing them. I cannot promise I will be perfect, but I do promise that I'm going to work on my flaws and be the best version of myself for you. All this, because I love you."

Is it a bit soon to forgive her? You hope not, because right now you don't think you've ever felt more admiration for someone. She's done everything you've asked for and more in terms of being honest and opening it. Perhaps it almost came too late for other people's standards, but you can't just forget the person she is when she's not being a stubborn mess. You just have to trust her now; trust that she's going to stick to her word, trust that she's going to be better for you. And if she doesn't, well... you'll be ruined.

"Am I... do you forgive me?" Comes Alexia's insecure, tired voice.

"Almost. You just need to stick to your word, please, Alexia." You sigh, returning back to your previous position on her chest. She freezes for a moment, before delicately wrapping her arms back around you and pressing a firm kiss to your warm forehead.

"I will. I promise. I promise." She rests her head atop yours, closing her exhausted eyes.

The room falls silent as you take in the feeling of each other, both relishing in it more comfortably than last night now that everything is mostly just water under the bridge.

"Ale?" You say, lifting your head up to look at her. She hums, smiling slightly deliriously down at you, completely sleep deprived. "I'm so sorry about your game. I know how much it meant to you."

She smiles sadly this time, shrugging her shoulders a little.

"Thank you. Let's not think about that now though, amor. I will be okay with it soon." She responds, leaning her head back against the headboard and closing her eyes.

"Ale?" You say again.

"Mhm?"

"I love you too."

Her eyes shoot open and her head jerks forward at that.

"¿Hablas en serio?" She asks immediately, moving a hand to rest on your cheek. (Are you serious?)

"Sí, absolutamente en serio." You tell her in a quiet giggle. "Te amo, Ale." (Yes, absolutely serious. I love you.)

Alexia gazes down at you, this time not loathing the tears in her eyes, before hugging you tighter than she ever has. It's a moment you'll both cherish forever - the absolute whirlwind of the past 24 hours were an important turning point in your relationship, for the better.

And when it gets to July, that turns out to be more true than you could have ever guessed. Your relationship was thriving, you didn't think it was possible to stay in the 'honeymoon phase' for so long and so intensely, but you were. Every moment possible was spent together, you introduced each other to your individual friends, and even went on holiday together to spend some important time together pre-tournament. That holiday was the best time of your life, being there with Alexia's family and closest friends outside of football, it was a special time that bonded you closer to each other and you'll never forget it.

Now though, you were back to being hundreds of miles apart. Alexia was in training camp in England for the Euros, whilst you were still in Barcelona for unmissable work events before you were due to fly out the night before Spain's first game.

However, you were in a terribly familiar predicament. It had been a few hours since Alexia had finished training that day, it being a morning session, but you hadn't heard a thing from her. That might not seem like something to worry about for others, but nowadays when you two were apart, you were both teased by your respective friends for constantly being on your phones texting each other. So now, you were beginning to worry.

Surely not.

Surely, it cannot be happening again. You had given her a clear warning last time, if she was to do it again then you were gone. Three strikes, and she was out.

But it was indeed radio silence from her for the past few hours. It was nearing 4pm now, signalling the end of your work day, and you had a bad feeling.

No, not anger, it was worry.

And as you reached the door of your apartment a short while later, your worries were confirmed.

Alexia: Hi guapa, sorry for not replying. I got injured in training and they sent me to hospital. Nothing serious but I had scans and they said I have broke my ACL. Not great but I'm okay🫶🏼

"Ale! ¿Eres estúpido?" Mapi scolds her friend after peeking at her phone to see the message she had pressured her to send for the past hour. (Are you stupid?)

"No quiero qué ella se preocupe." Alexia mumbles, sliding her phone back in her pocket and looking out the window of the van. (I don't want her to worry.)

"Ay ay ay." Mapi sighs. She knows what she has to do. "Mujer tonta." (Silly woman.)

Mapi: Chica do not listen to your girlfriend. She is stupid, she is not okay. She needs you, please ring her!!

You read the text from Mapi as soon as you get it. Quickly, you barge through your door and set your bag down before going to your room, flopping down on your bed, and ringing your girlfriend.

"Ni se te occura ignorarlo. Contestarlo." Mapi demands when your call comes through, slapping Alexia's shoulder lightly from her seat in the row behind. (Don't even think about ignoring it. Answer it.)

"Hola." Alexia answers your call quietly.

"Ale. How are you?" You ask in a concerned sigh.

"Um." Her eyes shift around uncomfortably at the question, struggling to answer. "I don't know."

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. So sorry." You close your eyes and will the tears to leave; now was not the time.

"There is nothing to do now." Alexia states harshly, not really directed at you but just at the world in general.

"I know." You frown. "So many people are there to support you though, my love. So many people. Including me. I'll be with you every step of the way, okay?"

"There isn't anything you can do. I don't need you to do anything, this is obviously something I have to do on my own. I don't need you."

Alexia's response feels like a stab in your heart. You know in her current circumstance, with it being so fresh still, you shouldn't take it personally. But after everything you've been through together, everything she's put you through, it slips through the cracks of your insecurities. The only comfort you get is the background noise of Mapi swearing and shouting at Alexia in thick and fast Spanish.

"Don't be like that, Ale. I want to support you, do you not remember everything we've been through?" You hit back instantly.

Alexia feels a lump forming in her throat as she recognises herself slipping back into that mindset she had tried so hard to destroy. She hadn't planned for this to happen though. As naïve as it might be, she didn't think this would ever happen to her. But, it has. Now not only does she have to accept that, she has to accept that she has people around her to make the journey easier. And that starts with you.

"Sorry, amor. I didn't mean that. I need you. More than anyone, I am so sorry for saying that. I really, so wish you were here." Alexia admits brokenly, covering her eyes and clutching at the phone almost desperately.

"I wish I was there too." You whisper back, placing a hand over your heart. "Let me in, please."

"I will, I do need you. I just... never thought this could happen." Alexia cries silently as she hides her face in her jumper. "I don't know what to do."

"What you are going to do is take the necessary steps to ensure your health, Ale. It's going to be as much a mental journey as it will a physical one, so you need to take time to come to terms with this, however long that takes, before doing anything else. But we've got you. We're going to take care of you, and you will get through this."

"I don't know, amor. I... it's too soon to know." Alexia admits as much as it pains her. There's too many thoughts in her head, too many possible outcomes, setbacks, and challenges she could face along this long road before she even considers the end result.

"Okay, I understand." You get up from your bed and dart back to the main room to get your diary from your work bag. Checking it quickly, you make a key decision. "How about I pack my bags and get on a flight to you tonight?"

Immediately, Alexia's first instinct is to tell you no, tell you she doesn't need that, that you don't need to worry, it's not necessary. But that's muscle memory, not her true feelings.

"You would really do that?" Alexia mumbles hopefully.

"I absolutely would. I want to be with you, and you need me." You tell her truthfully.

"What about work?" Alexia wonders, looking down at her swollen knee that really hardly even hurt anymore.

"Forget work, amor. You are more important." You answer definitively.

"I would feel so much better if you were here."

That's all it took. By midnight, you were 36,000 feet in the air, on your way to your girlfriend.

When you arrived at the hotel in the early hours of the morning, she was awake and waiting for you in her room. You hug her immediately, and Alexia can't recall a time she had desperately needed to feel the warm embrace of another person outside of her family. It was tender, sensitive, and healing in its own way despite everything that was down the road.

The first and probably the most important challenge came a week later, back in Barcelona. You were sat in the pre-surgery waiting room with Alexia who had been prepped for her reconstruction surgery, gripping one of her large hands with both of yours as she lay, wracked with nerves.

Questions, worries, and insecurities bounced around her mind so intensely, she could hardly even land on a single thought. It was severely overwhelming, which she knew was not needed right now before such a crucial moment. Yet, she couldn't stop the barrage of questions that began to spill out of her.

"What if I never recover?" Alexia murmurs, an arm behind her head as she stared up at the ceiling. You frowned and squeezed her hand - this wasn't the first time you'd heard this question.

"We can't know that yet, Ale. Qué será, será." You remind her. (Whatever will be, will be.)

"Fútbol es mi vida." She states ever so quietly, it was hard to catch but of course you did.

"I know. I have no doubt you'll be back playing football, Alexia. But if for some reason you don't, there are so many options. You can do anything you put your mind to."

"What if... I am not Alexia again? On the pitch?"

You sigh and stand up to move towards the top of the bed where her head lay.

"Mírame." You request in a soft voice. She turns to look at you with glossy eyes and a quivering lower lip. "We have to get through this surgery first, vale? I hear all of your concerns, amor, they are normal and I understand each and every one. But the most important thing right now is ensuring you are in the right head space going into this operation. So, we're going to take some deep breaths together, wipe those irritating tears-"

She chuckles and at that and rubs her eyes; one time, she had voiced her distaste about crying to you. You found it so endearing that she felt that way, much to her annoyance, and spent the last couple months convincing her it was okay to cry. To your face, she still hated it. Behind your back? She loved that she now had a person to go to when she felt the inevitable tears coming. But of course she still despised doing it, it was just slightly more bearable around you.

"And we're going to replace this knotted, messy string of anxious thoughts with our favourite memories. Breathe with me now, sí?"

She nods and you breathe in sync together for a few minutes until Alexia's mind is back present in the room, in the current situation, and not stuck in a nasty cloud of anxiety.

"So, memory one: our holiday this Summer. It was the best holiday I have ever been on. Not because of the location, although it was beautiful, but because of the people I was with. I saw a new side of you, amor, you were so relaxed and it was so fun being with your family and friends. I can't wait for next time."

You're both wearing matching smiles as you reminisce the best few weeks you'd had in a while.

"It was amazing having you with us, guapa. The best guest."

"Gracias, bebé." You place a quick kiss on her cheek, followed by her lips. "Memory two: the first time I met Mapi and Ingrid on that double date at our favourite restaurant."

Alexia laughs before you've even finished telling the memory.

"When she put her wine all over herself and the waiter?" You nod and laugh with her, beyond relieved to see her with a genuine smile on her face. You hadn't seen too many of them recently.

"Yeah, when she spilt her wine. And then tried to blame it on the waiter- he looked so young! He's probably never had a drop of alcohol in his life!"

The two of you laugh and share memories for a little while longer, until the time arrives for Alexia to be taken into her surgery. You whisper a seemingly endless amount of reassuring words in her ear, before she's wheeled away out of your sight. For just under three hours, you sit nervously in the family waiting room, praying for probably the first time in your life, wishing that the operation went well.

Honestly, you could have been sick with relief when the surgeon came out and gave you every detail possible about it, ultimately saying it went off without a hitch. Then, you were being led to Alexia's room where she would stay for the night, excited to see your groggy but possibly loopy girlfriend.

"Hi Ale." You greet quietly, walking in.

"Hm, hola amor." Alexia rasps out, giving you an awkward wave that makes you giggle.

"How do you feel?" You take a seat in the chair next to her, placing a comforting hand on her forearm.

"As long as I still have two knees, bien." She gives you a dopey grin, one you don't think you've ever seen before, and you wish you could get your phone out to photograph it.

"The doctors tell me you do indeed have two knees, so I don't think you need to worry about that." You smile at her, seeing her nod and rest her head back.

"¿Estás bien?" She wonders with a light hum, shakily taking your hand and covering it with both of hers.

"Yes, I'm okay, don't worry about me though." You answer humourously.

"Sabes, te amo muchísimo." Alexia states, and from the sounds of it, it sounds like she's about to make some kind of speech. "I did some thinking waiting for you to come here. I just love you. You are perfect para mí. I did two bad things to you, but here you sit with me. Perfecta. Niña mía. I almost did another bad thing, when my knee broke for no reason, but Mapi stopped me and then you saved me. What's that song you like?"

The random question seems disjointed and out of place in the things she was saying - which had you completely melting - but regardless you answer.

"I like many songs, Ale, you'll have to be more specific."

"No. You know which one." You squint at her confusedly, causing her to give a dramatic sigh. "Ay. The old one. That you did not stop playing on holiday, from that night on the beach."

"Stand by me?" You ask in a laugh.

"Sí, that one. I never tell you, but I love it too." She smiles bashfully, then suddenly frowns. "Sing it, please. I can remember the words but not the song."

"There's no way I'm singing right now." You laugh at her, only resulting in her frown growing. So much so, she looks like an angry toddler.

"Por favor, guapa. That is how I feel about you, that song. 'I won't be afraid if you stand by me'. This stupid ACL can go fuck itself because I have you."

You've never heard her say that phrase in her life, but right now you couldn't even laugh. Your heart warmed at her words, completely falling in love with her all over again.

"You really want me to sing it right this second? In the middle of a hospital?" You respond, because at this moment in time there's not a thing you'd say no to, not when she was being so adorable and honest, even if it was partially due to her pain meds and the anesthetic.

"Sí. Come lay with me, here." She shuffles to one side of the bed, scaring you since she was a little shaky and not very coherent, but she managed to do it.

"I'm not sure I'm allowed." You say, unsure.

"I'm sick, my rules." She shrugs.

"You're not sick." You laugh, but nevertheless, you stand from your chair, slip your shoes off, and slot onto the bed beside her.

"Venga, canta." She orders sweetly as she looks up at you from her position slightly lower down on the bed with her beautiful, irresistible face. With a sigh, you clear your throat gently and do as she says.

"When the night has come." Your voice is soft and quiet, but it's enough for Alexia, who gazes up at you with more adoration than you thought ever to be possible. "And the land is dark. And the moon is the only light we'll see."

"Ay, I remember now." She says quietly as not to disturb you.

"No I won't be afraid. Oh, I won't be afraid. Just as long as you stand, stand by me."

Alexia simply smiles contently and rests her head on your shoulder, wrapping a hand around your upper arm and humming along with you.

"So darlin', darlin', stand by me. Oh, stand by me. Oh stand... stand by me, stand by me."

Her body grows heavier beside you and her breathing slows down, so you stop singing, thinking she was asleep. But...

"If you stand by me, I can do anything. Mi mundo no es nada sin ti, pero me siento invencible cuando estoy contigo." (My world is nothing without you, but I feel invincible when I'm with you.)

She mumbles her statement quietly, before she drifts off into a peaceful rest. Your eyes are burning with tears at her words - just two simple sentences, whispered quietly on the brink of sleep - but they have an impact larger than either of you could ever recognise.

And when she returns to the pitch ten months later, that song being the anthem of her recovery (only to yours and hers knowledge), three words are chanted in her head. Not 'I love you' - instead, the three words of a song which became your own love language for the rest of your relationship.

[rakurairagnarok]

JUICED UP

Commission for @creativly-bankrupt

Jordan, Matt and Isaac looked their eyes out on the beach. The college sophomores were almost drooling by the massive amounts of babes that walked around in their skimpy bikinis. Their plump lips, hourglass figures, and sun kissed skin were enough to send all three boys' hormones into overdrive.

"Alright, first who scores a chick gets to command the others for two weeks!" Jordan says with a sly smirk.

"As if any woman would even let you talk to them." Matt retorts.

Isaac meekly looks around, as his friends go opposite ways. He wasn't really an outgoing person, but he got invited by his friends to leave his musky dorm room to go to the beach, relax and look at the gorgeous women that were always hanging around the sun heated sands.

He sighs as he slowly makes his way to the small bar at the other side. He wasn't going to pick up anyone, so getting sunburned wasn't really worth it. He ordered a coke light and while waiting he looked out over the white beach.

He wasn't ugly perse, but he had no game, no money and definitely no muscles to seduce any of the 10/10 ladies that were trotting around.

He turned back to the bar man only to notice a different man standing in front of him, his face inches away from his own.

Isaac let out a small yelp and almost fell of his stool, but the man quickly grabbed Isaac's arm and pulled him back up.

"T-thanks" Isaac mumbled.

"Like, no probz, bro!" The man smiled as he let go of Isaac's arm. "You, like, look totally out of it brah, what’s wrong man?"

Isaac looked the man up and down. He was huge. He was wearing a large Hawaiian shirt, with not a single button closed, revealing his massive pecs, washboard abs and a generous treasure trail to his groin. His arms looked trapped in the sleeves, almost as if one sudden move could tear them to shreds.

"Y-yeah, I guess you could say that..." Isaac sighed as he saw the slight confusion on the mans face. "My friends invited me here, but now they are running around trying to pick up chicks, when I'm not even confident enough to ask for extra sauce at a restaurant..."

The man let out a bellowing laugh. "You, like, totally remind me of me, when I was your size brah."

Isaac rolled his eyes.

"But I got like, totally, the thing for ya bro."

He dove under the counter loudly rummaging through countless boxes and drawers. "Ah, totally got it”.

He came back up with a pink can with bright blue letters on it. "Jockcy" There were some other words on it, but it was hard to make out.

"Ra-rai- Inc.?" Isaac gave up. "So, what is this?"

"Its like, this totally awesome drink that like, totally gets you super pumped and shit bro!"

Isaac laughed. So, either alcohol or some weird soda pre-workout? No thank you.

"I think I'm good, I don't really..."

"Nah nah brah, I like, totally insist. It got me super jacked look!" He flexes his left arm, and as predicted, his sleeve tore open, revealing his massive bicep.

"Oh fuck... I totally destroyed that" He chuckled and flexed his other arm as well. "Now I’m totally even again" he said with a massive grin as his other sleeve fell to the ground.

Isaac rolled his eyes again. Not seeing another way out, he cracked open the can and took sip. It was... not that bad... pretty good actually. He smiled as he took another sip. And then another. And then a big gulp, and another. And then... it was empty. Isaac let out a large belch. "Oh shit"

"Oh shit..." the big man looked shocked at Isaac.

"You like... drank it all?"

"Yeah, it was ...BUUUUUUUURP... really good... oh Fuck" Isaac put a hand on his stomach as he felt it churn and rumble. "GODDAMNIT FUCK, I LIKE, SHOULDN'T HAVE LISTENED TO YOU" He shouted as he ran to the toilet.

The big man just stared at the pink can on the counter as Isaac ran off.

"Ooo... I like, totally forgot he was only supposed to take few sips."

A sly grin appeared on his face.

"Well, I think that’s an experiment in the works then. Got to see these test results”.

He snickered as he turned around to help other customers. On the back of his shirt were the words, RAKURAI INC. in large bold letters.

-------------------------------------------------

Isaac burst into the small bathroom and locked the door behind him. The room was spinning, and he was drenched.

"What the fuck... what the fuck was in that..."

His stomach rumbled as another large belch escaped his lips. He rubbed his stomach, which by now was protruding quite a bit.

"I'm like... so totally bloated."

Isaac froze. His vocabulary was a lot more expansive than for him to use those unnecessary, and dumb words.

"Like... what the fuck... I'm like totally not..."

He grabbed his head, the room started spinning more and more.

"Like what the fUcK"

His eyes widened. His voice. It cracked? No not quite. It.

"It’s getting deeper?"

Isaac's jaw dropped. Then... a smile appeared, and he began to laugh. A deep, bellowing laugh like the one the bar man had.

"I like... sounds so totally sexy now brah."

There it was again, stupid vocabulary.

Isaac couldn't help but laugh.

As he laughed, he didn't notice that with each breath, he seemed to grow. At first, it was hardly noticeable but after a few more he shot up. His former measly 5'6 now replaced with a very respectable 6'3. Isaac looked down, and almost tripped. The floor was so far away.

"Did I like... grow?" Isaac laughed again, a bit softer now, a tinge of anxiety slipping into his voice. He heard a rip behind him and turned around. Another rip, and another. He took a deep breath and... RIIIIIIIIIIIP. His loose oversized t-shirt slowly dropped to the floor, in tatters. Isaac looked down and saw his torso had broadened to unbelievable proportions. His shoulders were almost three times as wide! While slowly exploring his widened physique, he took another deep breath, which caused his flat chest to expand into two giant muscle balloons. Isaac ran a hand across them and squeezed sending a massive wave of pleasure through his whole body, which made him throw his head back in glee. At the same time his glutes bubbled and grew, giving him a massive bubble butt, and an almost permanent arch in his back.

"Uhm... this feels like... totally amazeee" Isaac's voice dropped another octave and at the same time his IQ seemed to plummet. He dropped onto the toilet, which groaned under the weight of his massive tits and ass. Isaac giggled. Tits and ass that’s what he came here for, but now he got them. His hands, which by now had turned into big meaty paws, ran down his massive torso. His stomach was still sticking out, but there were some slight imprints of abs visible, stretched out over the gut.

Looking down and taking another deep breath, Isaac quads take on an enormous size. Doubling, tripling in size, they tear open the board shorts Isaac was wearing leaving him with only his speedo. Speedo?

"No, I was like... Wearing boxers" Isaac groaned as he watched his bulge pulsate. Intrigued, he groped his package, and felt it grow. He kept groping, and it kept growing. A loud churning could be heard form underneath him and he watched in awe as his bulge kept growing and growing, and his balls started to feel heavier, slowly dropping, nearly falling out of the tight confines of his speedo.

A weird scent caught the attention of the horny giant. He looked around as he saw something move in the corner of his eye. He moved his head and saw that his bicep was growing. He lifted his arm and a massive wave of the scent blasted in his face. Immediately Isaac buried his face in his pit, which was steadily growing hairier. A loud moan escaped Isaacs lips as the musk invaded his brain. More IQ dropped from his skull into his balls, sending another wave of pleasure through Isaacs whole body. At the same time thousands of pinpricks spread across his body. He looked at his massive arms and saw intricate patterns appear. Some tribal tattoos wrapped around his giant biceps. Isaac looked at his arms with glee as he flexed every muscle in his body.

A slight burning sensation spread on his head, as his dark auburn hair began bleaching itself. Along with the colour of his hair more IQ dropped into his already growing dick and balls. A thick scruff spread along his slowly squaring jaw, and his mouth was stuck in an almost permanent state of awe.

Isaac walked out of the bathroom and looked in the mirror. He still had his memories, he still knew who he was, why he had come here and what he had looked like before. He just did not give a single fuck anymore. He looked, smelled and felt amazing, and it was time to share that with his friends. He walked to the beach quickly locating both his friends who were desperately trying to get the attention of some girls in the water.

Isaac made his way to the water and walked through it, his massive build slowing him down somewhat but his muscles giving him the strength to push forward.

"Hey guys, like... you guys totally haven't gotten any chicks yet have ya bros" he said with a big grin.

Matt and Jordan turned around to see a massive guy walking towards them.

"Yeah, so what dude" Matt sneered, annoyed at how easily their intentions were spotted.

"What you gonna show us how it's done or something?" Jordan snickered. No way a meathead like him was going to pick up any self-respecting woman here.

"Like... sorta brah" Isaac grinned as he grabbed both boys by their necks. He pushed Jordan in his pit while he pulled Matt towards his face, quickly pushing his tongue into the boy’s mouth. They both briefly struggled, but the musk of the pit, and the pleasure of the kiss quickly drained both their bodies of any resistance. A quick swap of the boys and their bodies began to change. Jordans lanky body shrunk down a bit, while packing on some lean muscle. Matt on the other hand grew a few inches, but contrarily beefed up quite a bit. The trio now looked like an example graph of muscle, lean, bulk and beefy.

After finally letting go, the boys looked up at Isaac, who was still towering above them both.

"Like... what the hell happened to us"

"Yeah, we like... totally look super hot now... but"

"Yeah, I'm like... so not attracted to girls anymore."

Isaac laughed. "Yeah bros ... were gonna have like... so much fun at home."

He wrapped his beefy arms around his new boyfriends and took them home.

In the bar the huge bartender was on the phone.

"Yeah, it seems a whole can give infective properties to the consumer... what was that? That's good news? Right... I'll let the lab know."

The man laughed. "I should totally have given him my number."

He frowned for a second, before slamming an "on break" sign down on the counter and running after the trio.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hope you guys enjoyed it and especially you @creatively-bankrupt.

Seems Rakurai INC. is spreading to other kinds of products!!! What else could they have in store???

[necrotic-nephilim]

For the ask game, Jason/Tim where the Pit makes Jason possessive rather than mad and so he imprints on Tim as being his and needing to take him and make him fully his, turn Tim into Jason's own creature? I think that could be a cool idea, since the Pit has different effects on different people.

for the ask game!

oooh, i love explorations of what the Pit does to the psyche, especially if it falls outside of the typical Pit Madness schtick. here's how i would try and write that

so what i think is fun about Jason and the Pit is, he wasn't *dead* when he got dunked, he was just mentally catatonic. dunking him in the Pit was a gamble on Talia's part and Ra's even points out in Red Hood: Lost Days it may not work. so to have it work but just... wire Jason *differently* is a lot of fun to me. i like the idea of Jason being a bit aimless after the Pit. he's got his wits to him but it's still the "came back wrong" vibes. and when Talia shows him the pictures of Tim as Robin, trying to show him that Bruce replaced him, it has the opposite effect. Jason's wires are crossed in all sorts of directions and all he can think of is he won't let what happened to him happen to another kid. so he spirals, looking into Tim and getting more and more obsessed. what starts as a genuine concern for Tim's safety becomes a possessive imprinting. Tim becoming Jason's purpose.

one of the defining things about Jason's feelings on Tim, in canon, is feeling like Tim is being held back by his loyalty to Bruce. so, i don't know how literal you meant creature, but i'm taking it balls to the walls bc i like fucked up monster vibes. the *how* is the fun part of it. it's easy for Jason to corner Tim, kidnap him. but how does Jason decide to corrupt Tim? i know the Court of Owls is a New-52 thing and i'm going off of pre-Flashpointt, but, i think it'd be fun to steal it. just because well. i really fucking like Talons. and Jason making Tim a Talon would be a twofold thing- for one, it protects Tim. it's a lot harder to kill a Talon than a person. and for two, it makes Tim easier to control. i think Tim would fight it hard, but the Talon programming combined with Jason's fierce protectiveness would snap him pretty easily.

Jason would be smart about it. he'd keep Tim locked up for at least a few months. because if Robin goes missing, then the calvary is going to start looking for him. Batman, Nightwing, Batgirl, Oracle, Huntress, the Titans, everyone. and Jason knows even if he puts a mask on Tim, he needs to wait. needs to let the smoke blow over. so for months, it's just Jason and Tim somewhere underground where no one can find them. that's where the bulk of their bonding comes in. because i do think Jason would want Tim to *genuinely* like him outside of just monsterous programming. Jason would work to earn that trust, even if it's through manipulation. tbh i think he'd lie to Tim, either gaslighting Tim about his loved ones not looking for him, or straight up tell Tim he's imagining having been Robin. anything that deconstructs Tim's idea of a support system outside of Jason. Jason is Tim's savior, in his eyes, and he'd want Tim to believe that too. that Jason had to protect Tim, from the Bat. very fucked up vibes.

once Jason's sure it's safe, he'd slowly start making his presence known as Red Hood, with Tim by his side. Jason would still want to do the whole Red Hood thing, but now, he has the ability to taunt Bruce about Tim. it'd be a fun mind game for Jason, telling Bruce that he lost *another* Robin. (three, if you count Steph) meanwhile, Jason gets to go home to Tim the whole time. it's a fun game to him, while also making him preen that he's protecting what he believes belongs to him.

eventually, the truth would come out. but by then, Tim's too deep in Jason's pocket to listen to anyone, even Dick. he'd lash out at anyone claiming Jason is manipulating him, and he'd be Jason's perfect little partner. very fucked up ending where Jason and Tim are "happy" together, but in the most fucked up way. i'd give Tim a new codename, something like Shrike because that sounds fun and pointy. they'd almost be a Batman and Robin parallel/foil, in a way.

also, just as a bonus alternative: another route i think you could take this idea is playing with Joker Junior. like, Jason imprinting on Tim *just* as Joker kidnaps Tim. so that's what sets Jason's plans into action, he was going to wait for the perfect moment but now, Tim is missing and Jason will be *damned* if someone gets to Tim first. and since Jason has well. firsthand experience with the Joker, he's able to find Tim first and since Tim is so mentally shattered at this point, it makes him easy to manipulate. easy to get him to traumabond onto the person who saved him and even once he's mentally recovered, he's so attached to Jason he wouldn't want to leave Jason. and maybe Jason would use Lazarus Resin or something similar to make Tim more creature-like, and even get Tim to agree to it, under the guise of it helping protect Tim. this route could be fun bc it plays more with just how "consensual" it is for Tim and how much he really has his wits about him, choosing Jason after being brainwashed.

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2024 | Day 24: Fluff

Animal | @ididitallofitforyou Rating: General Word Count: 1,014 Main Tags/Warnings: Fluff, Established Relationship, Kid Fic Summary: Cas and the kids stumble over a pet adoption event

The Bliss | @blessyoushondahurley Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,223 Main Tags/Warnings: established relationship, domestic fluff, halloween Summary: A fluffy domestic day in the life of a happy, settled, married, post-hunter Dean Winchester and family.

Kiss it better | @tami-ryver Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,332 Main Tags/Warnings: Season/Series 09, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Human Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Sick Castiel (Supernatural), Caretaker Dean Winchester, Fluff, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cuddling Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Takes Care of Castiel Summary: Cas is sleeping soundly, and Dean tries his forehead; it's not as hot as it was before. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and smiles. Cas is indeed in good hands, and Dean is going to make sure he is healthy as soon as possible. Because if there is one thing he doesn't like, it's when the people he loves are in pain. Wait, loves? He loves Cas? Oh. Oh.

Early Morning | @ididitallofitforyou Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,378 Main Tags/Warnings: Fluff, Post Canon, Boys Kissing, Established Relationship, Retired Dean and Cas, Baker Dean, Bookstore Owner Cas Summary: When Dean’s alarm goes off, he quickly silences it and groans as he falls back against his pillow. Before he can talk himself out of bed, Cas rolls over and snuggles up against him, head on his shoulder, arm around his waist. Dean leans down to nuzzle Cas’ hair as he slowly rubs his hand across Cas’ back and shoulder. How did he - Dean Winchester, hunter extraordinaire, the guy with nothing but a GED and a give ‘em hell attitude - get so lucky as to end up here? Married to his not-quite-an-angel-anymore, best-friend-turned-love-of-his-life. He’s so goddamned happy he doesn’t know what to do with himself sometimes. Dean huffs an incredulous laugh and shakes his head. He’s got to get moving or he’s going to be late.

loving on island time | @deancaskiss Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2,015 Main Tags/Warnings: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Kissing, Boys Kissing, French Kissing, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Established Relationship, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, Anniversary, Day At The Beach, Beaches, Sunsets, Road Trips, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Surprises, Surprise Kissing, Flirting, Castiel/Dean Winchester Flirting, Romance, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Roses, Alcohol Summary: Cas slipped a note into the handle of Dean’s coffee mug, set it on the bedside table, and placed a kiss against Dean’s temple. 'Let’s go on a road trip. I’ll drive.’

Hot & Cold | @macy2me Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2,064 Main Tags/Warnings: Established Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Marriage Proposal, Castiel Proposes Marriage to Dean Winchester, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human Summary: When Dean accidentally finds out that there is an engagement ring hidden in the house, he plays a game of Hot & Cold with Cas to find it. Short fic created as part of the Love & Winchesters birthday drabble exchange.

Fairy Cake Shop | @verobatto Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2,546 Main Tags/Warnings: Fantasy, love at first sight, fairy!Dean, human!Cas, modern setting Summary: Dean, Charlie and Benny are unpaid fairies working for Fairyland collecting human's emotions like pearls. To do this work, they run together a cake shop that fullfils human's good wishes. One day Dean meets Castiel, a widower father, and his life changes for ever.

The Starlight | @Velvethopewrites Rating: General Word Count: 3,803 Main Tags/Warnings: Meet-cute, AU, shy!Cas, awkward!Cas, fluff, bartender!Dean, human AU, pre-slash Summary: A cold and rainy night brings two people together.

The Way to a Man's Heart (In a Blizzard) | @thefandomsinhalor Rating: General Word Count: 4,344 Main Tags/Warnings: Neighbors AU, Dean Has a Crush on Castiel, Snowed In, Baker Castiel, Sweet Dean, Happy Ending Summary: Determined to spend the weekend on his own as a snow storm hits the city, Dean may change his mind when a handsome neighbor knocks on his door. Propositioning him with delicious food, no less.

One Way Mirror | @starstiels Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 5,312 Main Tags/Warnings: outsider pov, fluff, didn't know they were dating, protective dean, protective castiel, episode: s12e01, episode: s12e02, cas and dean use their words Summary: When Mary comes back from the dead, she didn't expect her 4-year-old to be 37. She also didn't expect him to be a hunter and married to an angel. AU where deancas are just slightly more openly affectionate and Mary immediately assumes they're married.

The Royally Unexpected Jollification of Two Princes | @thefandomsinhalor Rating: General Word Count: 6,096 Main Tags/Warnings: Royalty AU, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Temporary Meg/Castiel, Helpful Sam Summary: Prince Dean has a lot of feelings to sort out when he hears the unexpected news that best friend Prince Castiel is engaged. Unsure if he’s upset about not having been told the news by his own friend—or perhaps because of another elusive reason—he plans on clarifying the situation. Good thing his friend is set to arrive at the castle on that very afternoon, unaware that an important discussion is awaiting him.

Their Own Personal Eden | @thisisapaige Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 7,394 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Divergence After Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Gardener Castiel, Gardener Dean Winchester, Inspired by Draft Script for Episode: s13e06 Tombstone, Language of Flowers, Fix It Summary: Years ago, Dean lost Cas and spread his ashes across a meadow with a windmill, a brook, and a garden. Years later, Dean loses Cas again and returns there to plant flowers in his honour. One day, while Dean lies in the meadow now full of forget-me-nots, a portal opens and Cas returns. With the help of soil, seeds, and the language of flowers— and perhaps a little meadow miracle— Dean and Cas learn how to navigate their relationship in the new, Chuck-free world.

[11queensupreme11]

RECORD OF RAGNAROK: THE APOCALYPSE OF THE GODS HAS ME SO HYPED

first of all... i am so excited for this, WE GET A NEW CAST OF GODS WOOHOO!!! more people for me to swoon over, yaaaaay 🤤🤤🤤

but anyway, one thing i noticed is this:

there are only twelve names on there and zeus' is missing, even though we obviously know he ends up fighting anyway.

THIS JUST TELLS ME THAT MY THEORY ABOUT THERE BEING A 14TH ROUND IS GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER TO BECOME REAL 🥳

the "14th round" theory is actually already quite popular around the fandom, but i believe that this current round (okita vs susano'o) is gonna end in a tie, thus enacting the 14th round for the leftover human vs new god to fight. i just feel like the results of this round are too predictable (with okita most likely winning), so i think the mangaka's doing this on purpose to shock us with a tie!

so yeah, i believe that the end of the spinoff is gonna conclude with someone winning, only for SURPRISE, they gotta beat the final boss: zeus. obviously, they get their asses wiped and zeus goes on to join ragnarok. but then the 14th round comes up and they need another god fighter, and that's where the winner of the gods' tournament comes in

anyway, another cool thing we learn is about the existence of "outer gods". from what i'm getting, that's basically what they call the 'black sheep' of the gods??? they seem to be disliked or something because of how uncontrollable they are and the little regard they have to the rules/society (ie. ra going against the council to try and kill humanity anyway, cú cuchulainn being undesirable because of his status as a demigod, etc.)

i don't know if i'm understanding this right (so pls correct me if i'm wrong), it seems to me that zeus is using this as a ploy to get rid of a majority of the outer gods? like the gods tournament is used to lure them in so they could kill each other and become less of a problem for the other gods??? idk, i was a lil lost during zeus', hermes', and ares' convo, so i'm gonna try and read it again

i wanna try and add them into arsenic blues simply because they seem so cool 😅 i just wanna write some brief interactions between them and percy, but so far we've only been introduced to so little of them and i'd have to wait months to meet the whole cast 🥲

and unfortunately, i fear this might be just as long as ror

these are the matches, with three rounds total and 13 fights, just one less than ragnarok 💀💀💀 so uh yeah, this spinoff is gonna take a while 😭

i'm mostly excited about cú chulainn, leviathan, and hydra!!!

obviously, for cú chulainn i'm gonna have to change canon a bit and make him either like a pre-ascension heracles demigod (a human with the strength of a god) or a demigod like how i wrote the valkyries.

and as for leviathan, remember my old post about beel being a dilf and making a bunch of monsters, demons, and gods to kill him and how leviathan (and basically the other sins) were created by him, thus making him their daddy technically? i feel like it'd be funny if i kept it that way for leviathan lmao 😂 plus, leviathan is a SEA SERPENT meaning WATER POWERS and i just love having percy bond with water ppl (and pissing poseidon off) 😂

then there's hydra.... the only hydra i know of is the monster from the greek myths so unless they're allowing a monster join, i think hydra's gonna be a god here???? idk, but it'd be funny since percy got attacked by the hydra during her quest LMAO

[dragonpyre]

thank you for answering the ask! Can I also ask how Cass and Jason meet? This au owns my soul as of now

Hmmmmmm. Idk yet. Either Jason rocks up in Gotham like Cass did in canon, or they meet in the League after Cass gets resurrected and she goes “mine” and drags him home

Why was she in the league you might ask? Well she died to the Joker and came back, then Ra’s was like “oh wait, thats David Cain’s daughter. Maybe I can use her like Cain uses the boy. She comes pre bat trained and everything.” Sadly Talia didn’t agree and pushed her in the pit to revive her mind. Cass did Not enjoy being used as a tool and flipped Ra’s the bird before doing a sick backflip out of Nanda Parbat with a new brother in tow

And no she has no intention of doing a crazy revenge plan. Jason got all the theater kid energy out of the two of them

[green-eyedfirework]

“Well?” Wilson arched an eyebrow at him.  “I told you to try it out, not stand there like a gaping fish.”

Dick kept his voice controlled and level.  “You’re sitting in the pilot’s seat.”

Wilson’s expression didn’t change, malicious and amused.  “There’s plenty of room for you.”  He spread his legs and something in Dick’s stomach dropped.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about this.  Like he didn’t know what he looked like, or what Slade Wilson’s searing glances and little comments meant.  Like he didn’t know what depravities the Society was capable of.

He had just tried very hard to forget about it.

Wilson’s expression darkened a fraction.  “Do I have to remind you of the consequences of noncompliance?” he asked, utterly calm.  Dick’s fingers tightened in a spasm at the memory of his muscles seizing up in a shockwave of pain for daring to backtalk to Ra’s al Ghul.  Of the holos of his friends with targets on their foreheads, the constant threat of utter annihilation should he step out of line.

Dick walked forward.

Wilson made no motion to get up, only smirking as Dick eyed the space between the controls and his lap.  It would be a tight fit, leaving little to no maneuvering area for Dick at all.

Dick took a controlled breath, his jaw aching from how tightly he was clenching it, and braced a hand on the side of the arm rest to slide in.  Wilson was a solid presence beneath him, taking up the entire space and the arm rests too once Dick had let go to check the dashboard.  He’d spread his legs wide enough that Dick could fit in between, sitting tense and rigid on the older man’s lap.

He waited a stretching second, but Wilson didn’t move.  Dick let out a shaky breath—too shaky, if the asshole’s slight huff of amusement was any indication—and shifted his focus away from the presence bracketed around him and towards the ship.

His new ship.

The Renegade.

The name was fitting.  Dick missed his ship, mourned his ship, would slit Wilson’s throat right here and now if he thought he had a single chance of making it back.  But he couldn’t.  He wasn’t just a hostage, he was forced to work for Wilson and the Society, to be their new star pilot instead.

The Renegade was bigger than the Nightwing, decked out with more weapons and lethal countermeasures.  The sheer amount of explosive power alone was enough to make Dick wince.  The Nightwing had been dangerous.  The Renegade was deadly.

Dick ran through the entire pre-flight checklist and more, familiarizing himself with the ship, taking his time—not only to delay, because he didn’t want to start piloting a new ship, not when it felt so achingly like a betrayal, but also for thoroughness.  Regardless of his other feelings, the Renegade was a weapon, and unless it was an emergency, Dick would not fly a ship unless he knew full well what it was capable of.

He was finally halted by a hand dropped down on his thigh.  It burned through the thin material of his undersuit.  “Enough stalling, little bird,” Wilson murmured into his ear, making goosebumps prickle down his skin.  “I want to see you fly.”

Dick took it as the order it was and started engaging the undocking systems.  The hand on his thigh, a broad palm layered right above his knee, didn’t move.  He forced himself to stop thinking about it and concentrated on taking off.

The Renegade was not as sleek as the Nightwing was—no ship in the world was as maneuverable as his ship, but in Dick’s hands, the bulkier ship still moved with grace.  “The asteroid field,” Wilson directed as Dick led them out of the space station, and Dick set their course to the expanse of broken rocks that stretched across space.

“Show me what you’re capable of, little bird,” Wilson hummed as they shot straight towards the field.  For a brief moment of insanity, Dick considered crashing the ship straight into a rock.

Fingers clenched tight on the yoke, Dick tilted the Renegade to skim through a gap between two asteroids and into the dizzying maze beyond.  It was a difficult task—though not the most difficult he’d ever undertaken—challenging and requiring his full concentration to avoid or blast debris out of his way.  Dick nearly lost control and sent them spinning into a minefield of smaller debris when the warmth on his thigh dragged upward.

“Careful,” came the low voice, breaths huffing against his ear, “don’t lose your nerve now.”  Fingers traced down until they met the seam of his suit, and then began pressing along it.  “Wouldn’t want an accident, do we.”

His heart was pounding in his ears.  Wilson’s hand had moved up half his thigh, fingers firmly pressed between his legs, and when the other hand curled around his waist to feather touches down the side of his ribs, Dick had to strangle a choked gasp.

The Renegade moved through the asteroid field like it was a butterfly, not a warship.  Dick piloted the aircraft half on autopilot, feeling strangely detached from his body.  His body, trapped in the cockpit of a ship that wasn’t his, sitting on the lap of the man holding him prisoner while he practically molested him.

Dick wasn’t there.  Dick was a million parsecs away, back home, with the Titans, with Slade Wilson as nothing more than a wanted poster in their system.  Dick was in the stars, among them, flying free in space, not trapped with a hand gripping the inside of his thigh and moving up and up and up.

Dick was wedged in the seat, wedged between Wilson’s legs, and was all too happy for the excuse to keep his legs firmly shut.  There was barely any space to move, Wilson couldn’t wriggle an inch higher—

Wilson shifted, arm tightening to lift Dick up an inch as he twisted his legs in, and forced Dick to separate his, splaying his legs on either side of Wilson’s and leaving him completely open and vulnerable.

The viewscreen was blurry.  Dick blinked, and didn’t acknowledge the tear that slid down his face.

“Sure you can make something that tight?” Wilson asked as his hand moved unerringly upwards with nothing to stop him.  The Renegade was shooting straight towards a narrow gap in a circle of asteroids.  “You shouldn’t bite off more than you can chew.”

Dick didn’t acknowledge his words, the hand that clamped down and squeezed his inner thigh, fingers pressed against the inner crease, or the way the other hand was drifting up up up.  Fingernails pressed against the hollow of his throat.

The Renegade shot through the gap without scraping a single wing.

“Mm, that was close.”

Fingers wrapped around his throat, firm and hot, and slowly, inexorably, pulled him back.  Dick tried to resist, locked his spine straight for two heartstopping seconds before realizing the futility and letting himself be manhandled back until he was pressed against Wilson, back to front, his head held firmly against Wilson’s shoulder.

“You really are a marvel, little bird.”  Fingers were tracing little patterns against Dick’s thigh.  “A prize.”  The hand around his neck squeezed—not enough to restrict blood flow, just enough to prove the point.

Dick was in Wilson’s hands.  He was a puppet and Wilson would never let him forget it.

The Renegade cleanly exited the asteroid field and Dick brought it to a halt.  The emptiness of space stretched out in front of them, vast and yawning.

“Now that,” was murmured into his ear, “is quite the sight.”

Dick flicked his gaze upwards despite himself.  Wilson wasn’t looking at the stars.  He was looking down, at Dick sprawled out in his lap, unable to stop him from taking whatever it is he wanted.

He grinned, meeting Dick’s gaze and dropping his voice low.  “Stunning,” he breathed out, gaze searing and filthy.

Dick went back to staring at the viewscreen.

“Take us home, little bird,” Wilson said, and Dick didn’t bother to correct him.  Wilson’s base wasn’t his home.  But his home was beyond reach.

[bookaddictedrose]

I haven't read TGG yet cause my book hasn't arrived, but here are some pre-reading thoughts based off Tumblr spoilers I've seen.

Every other TGG post on my feed has been saying Grayson was just horny the entire book? Tbh, probably.

Overall people seemed to like it, but I have seen a lot of people point out things that they didn't quite enjoy.

NASH HAS BABIES?? WHAT???? I just accidentally saw that post and lost it.

Savannah and Rohan definitely have chemistry. I guessed it even before TGG came out, so yay me I guess!

How much Gigi/Slate do we see? Cause nobody seems to be posting about them? And I totally ship them, just saying.

IF A CERTAIN DEAD BITCHES NAME SHOWS UP EVEN ONCE—

I know Eve's certainly gonna be there >:(

Lyra. Lee-ra? Really? Wow.

I don't think I dislike Lyra anymore. It's just that before we only had a few things about her and she sounded like a strong fierce female love interest, not an actual person. But now I like her (and so does Grayson, apparently).

I hope Max and Xander show up more often, we were totally cheated out of the best relationship the last few books. Fight me on it. I dare you.

Puzzles puzzles puzzles. AND MORE PUZZLES!

Who is Brady? WHAT DID HE DO TO OUR DARLING GIGI. another accidental spoiler :(

But Lyrason definitely happens, right? Cause JLB's been torturing gray for five books already

I'm so excited to get my book, can't wait!

[notoriousroar]

The look of irritation hadn't gone unnoticed by Flame. Perhaps under different circumstances, she'd back off and let Nefarious do his own thing, but given what he was searching for and what he said it'd lead him to... Flame would much rather risk having Nefarious irritated with her for pushing him to find a distraction than sit idly by and watch as he stared at a screen that currently is only giving depressing results.

But of all the things she'd expected to hear though, Nefarious saying he should finish working on his script had caught her a little off guard. That must've been something that developed while she was away a while ago. Flame hadn't spent much time on the spaceport Nefarious had mentioned, other things demanding her attention at the time.

Surprise had chased away her worry when Nefarious had mentioned the script, and just as quickly that surprise had been replaced with curiosity and relief. "I didn't know you've been working on a script!" She even sounds more relaxed now that something had caught Nefarious' interest as a time killer, worry absent from her tone.

"What's it about?" She asks, her head tilted slightly to the right as she looks up at Nefarious.

"I only suggest we do something while we wait because even I can only take so much of-" Flame pins her ears as another match fails. "-That for so long." As well as she takes losses and failures, her words hold true to her track record when it comes to how she reacts to true losses; she can only take so much for so long before it wears her down.

And as much as she loved just talking with Nefarious, all conversations eventually run out of topics and then fall silent, which doesn't help Flame's long-run worry for him during this search. When this and future conversations meet their inevitable end, Flame would rather them be doing something to keep them both distracted in those silent periods between conversations.

"Seriously, have you got some games in mind that you wanna play?" Single player or multiplayer, she didn't care; they could easily trade the controller when they die or finish a level in a single player game. Even make that itself a game of its own somehow. "Any movies or shows you want to watch? I'm even up for a few sparring matches if you are," Flame continues. "Just- something to get us distracted enough that when we finally turn and look back at the big screen, it's showing us a positive instead of a negative."

[gallantblade]

YS: Me waiting for Aranea to turn evil YS: https://x.com/psyduckz_/status/1840522021031014907 FA: she has "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" written ALL OVER HER and I love it RA: i don't know what you are talking about :) RA: a nice girl like herself would never do anything bad obviously FA: like. ok. the specific way she handles Meenah. on one hand, this attitude seems really justified! Meenah is shown to be particularly violent and uncaring, even cruel, especially compared to what we're told of the rest of Pre-Scratch troll party. FA: Aranea's "drop it! Drop iiiiit!" attitude like she's talking to a pet trying to eat plastic makes sense and is demonstrably effective at defusing Meenah without damanging their relationship. FA: Buuuuut on the other hand, if she talks to her like that in any other context? Oh my god that would get controlling really quickly. FA: In general she's also very quick to get frustrated when things don't go the way she expects and has an instinctive habit of wanting to control the narrative (and is fairly good at doing so!) despite having a fairly shortsighted, or maybe more accurately somewhat shallow, understanding of consequences FA: She finds herself idolizing Mindfang simply because she's cool, treating Alternia's real history as nothing more than a story for herself to enjoy without understanding the real, material consequences that those events have for the people she is meeting. FA: Now, if the characters introduced in Homestuck Disk 1 are all pulled from different kinds of Internet Guy, then the characters in Disk 2 are all pulled from different kinds of fans. FA: And Aranea is a very very specific kind of fan: The one who has memorized every single lore detail and piece of dialogue, but who doesn't understand the thematic substance of their favorite work, and who feels justified in holding strong opinions about said work due to their extensive technical knowledge but is nonetheless still frequently very wrong. FA: And that is EXACTLY the kind of person Homestuck just loves to cast as a villain. FA: I feel like I can can see her entire character arc laid out in front of me already.

I wrote a small essay on Aranea in discord and for some reason this felt like the most appropriate way to share it. Sorry if it's hard to read!

[elacular-kink]

Hicvember 17: Midnight

Bringing back the girls with some primo Maya idiocy.

Content: Hiccups, drunkenness, very boobs, very mush, discussion of sex.

"LII-*IC*–IIIV! SUUUUUSIIIIEE–*HEEK*–IIIEE!"

Our dorm burst open in the middle of the night, and I could hear Olivia growling from my bed. "Why haven't we started locking that door yet?" she grumbled.

"Because you hate carrying keys, brain genius," I said, then looked over from my desk and squinted at the hiccuping shadow in our doorway. "Hi Maya."

"MY GIRLS! *HIULK!*" Maya threw herself at my bed, but I just barely managed to intercept her so that she didn't touch Olivia. I did this by throwing my body between her and the bed and getting squashed. Acceptable losses.

"I'm going to sleep at Kiran's." Olivia said, climbing down from the foot of my bed.

"Oh come on, don't wake her up. You can make a square chair cubby in Dedication."

"I'd have to put on shoes for that though...wait, I'd have to do that for Kiran's too." Olivia stood still for a moment, rocking on the balls of her feet as Maya kept hiccuping against me and making my brain stupider. "Fine. But only if you agree to switch your bedsheets and get them in the laundry first thing in the morning. Maya smells gross."

"Y–*HOUK*–you smell gross!" Maya slurred. I didn't think Maya smelled all that gross, mostly just like fruity sodas and vodka. But Olivia was the boss as far as scents were concerned, so I gave her a thumbs up. She nodded, slipped on some shoes, and left, leaving me and Maya on the floor. After a few hiccups, Maya sniffled. "I di–*cup* didn't mean that. *HMK* Can you make su–*URK* sure Liv knows? Tell he–*URK* her that I don't th–*HIUK* think she smells gro–*HOUK*–oss."

"She knows that, Maya. Get off of me." I was surprised that she actually listened, and I missed having her weight on top of me, even if my back appreciated it. "You're the one who's gonna be cleaning my sheets, by the wa–aaaAAAY!" I'd barely started sitting up before Maya fucking scooped me up in her arms and body slammed us both onto my bed. So now I was in her arms and trapped in her boobs while she hiccuped against me. Great.

"Bru–*HUK*–uh, why the fu–*HIK-ulk* fuck do you think y---you're bad at ru–*HUK*–gby, stupid? *HMK-lp*" Maya grinded her fist into the top of my head and I made a sound that was supposed to be words, but that I was pretty sure wasn't. "You ju–*HUP* you just stopped a ra–*HMP*–ampaging Maya!"

"Don't talk about yourself in the third person."

"God, I lo–*UCK* love you so mu–*HUCH*, Susie." I felt her kissing the top of my head all over and figured I should probably shower tomorrow to get lip gloss/vodka spit out of my hair. "Why do y–*HOUP* you wear hoodies a–*UCK* all the time? You're so pre–*HUP* pretty! Your face *CUP* is so pretty a–*UCK* and your hai–*URK* is so pretty and *HNK* your arms are so pr–*HIP* pretty and..."

"Maya, do you need some water?"

"Noooo–*OUK*–ooooooo, I have the h---hiccups!"

My face burned and I buried it a little more firmly in her boobs. "Most people would think that's a reason to say 'yes', Maya."

"But you liii–*uck*–iiiike it!" Well shit, I couldn't exactly argue with that. "You like i–*UCK* it when I get th–*HUP* the hiccups, Su---Susie Q. *HMK!*" One of her hands moved lower and grabbed at my butt, and I was glad I hadn't bothered taking off my jeans yet, since they were stiff enough that she couldn't really get a good grip. Not protected by my jeans was my face, which Maya pulled up out of her boobs so I was looking up at her. "You like it whe–*cup* when I get th---the hiccups. *HUP*. It turns you on. *HMK-mmp*"

"I-I mean yeah!" I wondered if I would ever get used to hearing that stated so fucking bluntly. "But that doesn't mean you're, like, obligated to have them or anything!"

"I waaaa–*UCK*–aanna though!"

"...yeah. I know." I sighed and turned around so she was spooning me instead of drowning me in her tits. "But you're too drunk. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing anything right now."

"...oh. *HULP* Didn't you sa–*UCK* say that was ho–*OCK* hot though?"

"Yeah, and..." I could feel myself blushing more. "A-and I'm definitely turned on, not gonna lie! And, uh, if you were to, uh...were to be kinda more tipsy and hiccupy I'd, um, I'd probably...fuck, whatever!" I shook my head. "B-but not tonight! Tonight I feel like you're too drunk."

I could feel Maya's lips pout against the back of my head. "That su–*uck*–s. I'd feel safe doing it."

"Maybe I would too if we'd had sex while you were tipsy before or if I'd spent more time around you drunk, but not now."

After a moment, Maya sighed and buried her face in my hair. "You're a good girl, Susie."

I wriggled back against her. "Shut up."

"No, you are. You're such a good girl." Her voice got less and less articulate as she started feeling heavier against me. "You're a good girl. And a good friend. And a good girlfriend. And a good person. You're so good, Susie. You're so fucking good."

Even though her hiccups had gone away, Maya managed to keep me blushing until she fell asleep, still mumbling about how good I was into my hair. "Fuck," I whispered once I heard her snoring. "Jesus, Maya. You can't just say shit like that." I was smiling in spite of myself, and even though it wasn't even one yet, her warm weight on me was making me sleepy. "You keep saying that kind of shit and I...I just might start believing it."

"Good," I thought I heard her mumble before my eyes slid closed and I slipped off into my dreams.

[mx-nii]

All of my hyperfixations - past and present - are merging into a chaotic bundle of the Triple Ts (terribly traumatized twinks) and slowly driving me insane.

I can’t focus on my day to day life when I’m constantly thinking of terribly traumatized twinks (not all of them are twinks BUT THEY ARE ALL GAY)

Like genuinely how am I supposed to focus on such trivial matters like pre-calc or my collapsing relationship with my father when all I can think about is:

how Heartstopper isn’t just a cringe teen show, it’s a beautiful representation of being young and queer, and how struggling with mental health can severely impact your most formative years - Charlie had friends and yet still felt completely alone and like he couldn’t burden them with his pain because mental illness fucks with your brain so deeply, it’ll make you believe you have nothing and no one when you may actually have something and someone

or how Dead Boy Detectives isn’t just a silly ghost show (although it’s a wonderful silly ghost show), its a show about how friendship and love can be the most powerful thing in your arsenal (aside from a magic cricket racket) and how your past can haunt (ha) you and how the constant fear of becoming who you hate most in the world will always linger in the back of your mind but your true family can keep you safe and help you heal, and how fucking impossible it is to be gay or a POC at the wrong place, in the wrong fucking time - and maybe you won’t be able to find any peace in your current situation but there is peace out there somewhere, waiting for you patiently. (Charles and Edwin found their peace in their own homebrew afterlife, but seeing as we are mere servants of the mortal plane and not transdimensional beings, we shall have to suffice with sculpting our own peace out of this terrifying world because we fully damn well can, and we deserve it)

or how she-ra isn’t some goofy kid show; it’s a show about how being groomed and manipulated can destroy a child’s psyche so much that it will take years to rebuild (also it’s gay as fuck). catra wasn’t cruel (okay maybe she was just a bit but hear me out guys- I’m due for a rewatch and all I remember is I love that woman more than life itself), she was abandoned again and again and again and all she wanted was for adora to stay, so she wouldn’t be alone anymore, not again. And finally- FINALLY she stayed (giving us one of the most cinematic scenes in history [so just this once, adora: stay]). Adora and Catra are two sides of the same coin. They were both subject to the mental and physical torture of Shadow Weaver and they both responded in different ways due to their own personalities and differences in how they were treated - but they found each other in the end, and always protected each other because that’s what best friends (specifically the really really gay ones) do.

or how the owl house ALSO isn’t a silly kids show, but instead another show about abuse and trauma and growing up queer, and how healing and freeing acceptance is (oh and also some more child soldiers). Amity was so mean to people because meanness and cruelty was all she knew, until Luz took the time to dig a bit deeper and find the real Amity buried deep inside - and how Luz and Amity, even at such a young age, in such a dangerous and confusing world, were ALWAYS there for each other, no matter what

or how 9-1-1 is deeper than just a random fire fire show. It depicts all sorts of personal struggles like post partum depression, PTSD, anxiety, trauma, child neglect/abuse, depression, abandonment, death, foster care, divorce, and ofc: suppressed queerness/comp het! (Eddie literally put Buck in his will and made him the designated legal guardian for Christopher - if that ain’t gay, idk what is)

or how criminal minds has one of the most tragically beautiful found family tropes whilst being a show about the literal scum of the earth? How even in such gruesome circumstances, these people banded together and made the most beautiful family.

or how Percy Jackson is a kids/teen book but delves into such deep and tragic topics so well. Child soldiers, child abuse, being queer at the wrong place and time, coming to terms with being queer, child soldiers, DID I MENTION THE CHILD SOLDIERS??

or how Epic uses expert music theory and lyricism to convey a gorgeous tragedy in the best way I’ve ever seen

or how the grishaverse had so much potential, and is a brilliant literary universe but was BUTCHERED on screen, wasting one of the best casts I’ve ever seen

Genuinely how do I move on with my life when I can’t stop thinking about this (and so many more thoughts that I don’t have the energy to write out at 3:30AM)