#like please stop psychoanalysing me

[chronic-cynic]

I fucking hate it when people are concerned about my well-being. Please, just keep your pity to yourself. I’m 110% alright.

[sidebaxolotl]

I dont know you. I don’t know who made you feel like self loathing over something you can’t control, feel like simply allowing yourself to love is a sin, but please talk to a therapist. I’ve gone through your blog some and clearly this is taking a toll on you. This isn’t the SSA that is taking the toll. It’s the fact you feel as though your feelings are “temptation” like simply allowing yourself to be yourself is a sin.

please talk to a therapist. I’m kinda pissed at some of the things you’ve said, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t struggling and that you don’t deserve help

Respectfully, you need to leave me alone.

My faith and my practice of such will always be more important than my sexuality. And acting on ssa is a sin so i will continue to fight it. I'm an adult who is capable of deciding how to live my life. This is what I've decided, so you need to respect that and move on with your day instead of condescending to strangers.

I don't get why you people project onto me consistently--if you actually knew me at a you'd know that I love myself a lot and I have no shame over my attractions at all. I'm not miserable or whatever. Fighting sin sucks sometimes regardless of what it is ur dealing with but that doesnt mean my life is terrible or that I hate myself.

You're absolutely right tho: reading my posts on the internet doesn't mean you know me. Definitely not enough to psychoanalyse me, so that needs to stop as well.

All that to say: leave me alone and worry about your own life <3

[f0point5]

I am so amused by people saying “Norris showed exactly who he is”… Like, that’s his job. From the driving up to the interviews. Imagine watching a random dude working in a bank having a conversation and then say stuff like “I know exactly who he is. In every single aspect of his life.” You don’t like a driver? Fine, go on. Please don’t try to Psychoanalyse their entire life, character and personal relationships. People need to stop being weird.

I know, right?

As if people don’t have work personalities? As if certain aspects of their personalities are not exacerbated by the job they do? Have people who think like this ever even had a job?

I think partly it’s because people assume that if you do a job you love that it must be a comfortable environment for you to work in which is not true by a long shot. These guys like to drive, that doesn’t mean they even remotely enjoy being in the paddock. Doesn’t mean they feel comfortable in front of a camera. Yes it’s a passion and they’re lucky to do it but it’s still their “9-5”.

I like to analyse people cos it’s fun for me. I’ve got theories and ideas etc., but at the end of the day it’s like, at least I know my theories are based off 1% of their personalities and even that might be totally fake 😂

[teabutmakeitazure]

Honestly? This was initially just an impulsive and sudden thought, him as a Millennial I mean.

Man is searching for himself like he's expecting to have a spiritual awakening in India or something, with a touch of edgy existentialism. Constantly moving around not only because of his criminal lifestyle but also to satisfy his compulsion to "travel to find himself"- like I know you rob rich people and all (including heavens arena- Lord only knows what the heck you do with those money, you sus excuse of an arachnid) but please save some money- If you'd save some you wouldn't have to go around and look like a greasy haired excuse Al Capone wannabe with your hair jelled back prolly by grime (Talking about the Yorknew arc, you cannot tell me he doesn't look like one of those fake-fancy junkies that go around in suits but forget to shower every week).I dunno He just gives me those vibes.

Like, I know you're traumatised and all but please stop psychoanalysing your troupe comrades after randomly coming across a Hoghwarts house quiz- do not fall into that rabbit hole- But the fact that I can picture this clearly is even more concerning. Boy prolly even started reading the books after that and started comparing/trying to seek himself in some characters like Tom Riddle or something, Sweet Heavens I cannot-

And- Ain't no way he didn't enter an alt-emo phase during his teenage years.

Man prolly used to listen to My Chemical Romance as well. And like, have you seen that one outfit he had in the Manga? The one with the weird hat that looks like a dead opossum and with that weird onion quilted jacket, yeah. If the pants he's wearing there ain't lookin' like skinny jeans, which scream millennial, I don't know what else they are supposed to be.

But I can clearly see why it'd be Canon for him to be of the 70's instead, I mean- Just look at his bowlcut in the flashback- horrid I tell you. An absolute social self-slaughter. And he also looks like he'd enjoy lame "dad jokes"/"gen X jokes", so yeah, I get your point-

I thereby bid thou these Chrollo slander crumbs

Ghastly Anon~

Ghastly anon my sweet you just violated everything this man is and stands for without batting an eye. I kid you not I laughed so hard at Al Capone that I had to take a break reading this. That man fears nothing except for your impromptu roasting that is completely uncalled for but always does the job of ending his career. Well done <3

And the Hogwarts quiz... I can picture that happening too. The troupe would take a BuzzFeed quiz of which cupcake are you and Chrollo would ask for everyone's results just to psychoanalyse their choices to get to know his friends better.

I don't want to judge his money spending habits but I don't think he spends the money he has for luxury. Despite being able to afford a hotel for his stay he'd still rather hang out at an abandoned church or ghost town just for the aesthetic. I don't think he bothers with luxury. He can make do with anything as long as he can sleep.

Also also!!! He didn't go through an alt emo phase. He is an alt emo phase. The skinny pants say it all

[stcantarella]

every time i say something about myself my best friends fiance will be like '(rather concerned) why do you feel that' girl I know you're doing a psych PhD but please stop making me feel psychoanalysed.

[minastras]

[TEASER] mr. vice president // yeonjun

Choi Yeonjun was an ace, and everyone knew it. He was a star athlete, top student, creative genius, school vice-president, and prom royalty. The only person who even came close to his level was you.

at a glance: gender neutral reader, rivals to lovers, fluff, angst, high school au

release date: saturday, 14.01.2023

a few excerpts below!

——————————

...But as co-leaders of the student body, your school’s star athletes, and joint cohort-toppers, you had a lot in common with each other. Maybe that’s why you disliked him so much: he reminded you of yourself.

——————————

...“You’re the only person who thinks that.”

He rolled his eyes at your pride. “Yeah, but that’s because I know you better than anyone.” You scoffed at that, but he continued, “Seriously, who else gets you like I do?”

“Who are you, Sigmund Freud? Stop psychoanalysing me,” you said.

“So you think I’m smart?”

“No, I think you want to fuck your mom.”

——————————

...You watched him closely, but you couldn’t read him at all. You were quickly realising that, despite being mirrors of each other and spending almost all of your time together, you barely knew him.

——————————

...He took the glass from you and set it down on the coffee table without using the coaster you’d so nicely placed right in front of him, making you see red. “Four ice cubes? Are you telling me to die?”

“As if you have a superstitious bone in your body, Choi Yeonjun. Is this how you act as a guest in other people’s houses too?” you asked, sitting down beside him.

He loosened his tie and popped the first two buttons of his dress shirt open. “No, just yours.”

“Sure, please make yourself at home,” you said sarcastically. “What do you want?”

“I came to apologise.”

——————————

comment/indicate in rb tags/send an ask if you would like to be tagged on release!

-minastras <3

[champagnepodiums]

You guys are so weird for psychoanalysing max (who you do not know) so much. I'm happy he will leave in 2028 to go to WEC so this weird behaviour will stop.

WELL I think it's annoying as hell that you'd decided that this massive, ongoing discussion about Red Bull Racing's PR and EVERYTHING that encompasses it (which yes, does happen to include one Max E Verstappen) is nothing but weird psychoanalysis. I'm not saying some psychoanalysis hasn't been done but like, that is such a tiny tiny part of this whole big ass conversation that has been ongoing for quite awhile now.

ALSO I personally think you are very weird for taking the time to send me something like this. If you don't like it please block me and move on with your life! Thank you.

[inevitable-pretty-chaos]

Someone please tell Nyx to stop psychoanalysing me! Like, I know that vae lives in my head, but that doesn't mean I want to hear his constant monologues about my behavior and my life!! /silly /nm

~Wren

[ifeellikeiamamidget]

where is the real me? (where is the real me? where is the real me?)

— the prologue

- <3 -

the office was pretty basic, there was no art covering the beige walls, just diplomas, proof of hard-earned degrees. there were a couple plans situated in a few of the corners of the square room, and a desk was placed just in front of the big window, the sun glaring through obnoxiously, getting in his eyes as lando moved to the big sofa in the middle of the room. thankfully it wasn’t shining onto the sofa and he felt a bit better. the floor was solid oak, and the desk was made from the same type of wood, he realised as he moved closer. he scrunched his nose at the lack of carpet in the room. despite the fact that zak had told him she was a complete professional, he still wished the room was more calming. the brit tried to relax, but found himself too anxious so he fiddled with the rings on his fingers as he waited, legs bouncing at a million miles an hour it felt like. he tried to get them to stop, he really did, but he was too wound up.

he couldn’t do this, he suddenly thought. lando felt like he was going to be sick. he couldn’t disappoint them all by leaving, but the thought of spilling his whole life story to a stranger who was being paid to psychoanalyse him really did not sit well with him. he could still get up and leave now and be out of the building before she even arrived, but his body was frozen. He couldn’t worry anyone else. if they heard he hadn’t even stayed for his session they would be dragging him straight back here anyway, and he wouldn’t have any control of his life. not that he had much control on his life anymore anyway.

he inhaled sharply when the door behind him opened with a click. he didn’t turn around to face her. he needed to calm himself down first. he closed his eyes as he took another deep breath, and when he exhaled and opened his eyes, she had moved to her desk, typing something into her computer. she had long, dark brown hair, which was in small ringlets. there were a few folders stacked on top of each other on the desk, and lando assumed one of those was his file.

“i hope you weren’t waiting too long, mr. norris,” she apologised, still glued to her computer.

the brit shrugged his shoulders, “it’s fine. i had just sat down anyway”

she hummed and nodded her head. a few moments later she finished typing on her computer and turned around, pulling her own chair over. she sat down opposite him, brushing down her skirt before she crossed her legs and looked at him.

“so, mr. norris–,” she began, smiling at him.

“lando,” he corrected. she simply nodded her head at his interruption. she was probably used to that.

“so, lando… what is it that you’re aiming to achieve with these sessions?”

lando chewed on his bottom lip as he shrugged, unsure on what to say. it was the million dollar question, wasn’t it? he wasn’t here for himself. he was here to please his family, friends and bosses. he didn’t choose to be here, he just hadn’t been given much of a choice, really.

“that’s okay. you don’t have to know right now,” she reassured. her gaze was warm and inviting, and lando hated that he actually felt comforted from it. He turned his gaze down to his hands, willing for time to hurry up, “why don’t we just start from the beginning?”

lando chuckled softly, prompting her to tilt her head to the side. she remained silent, however, simply waiting for him to begin.

“i–uhm… i don’t even know where to begin.” he admitted weakly, lifting his gaze from his hands and shrugged again.

“it says here,” she swivelled in her chair and reached to her desk, grabbing one of the folders. she flipped through the pages, “...that you’re in the middle of season… why don’t we go back to the start of the season?”

lando nodded his head. he could do that.

—————————————— <3 ———————————————

omg so i hope you all enjoy this little snippet of what im currently working on! im so excited about this!

just so you all have some context this fic will be based around the 2024 season and it will basically be the deterioration of lando’s mental health.

this fic is pretty much a vent fic, as i have found myself struggling with my mental health this year like lando has so i have found myself relating to him so much right now.

please look after one another!

love you all!!

[series-of-bad-ideas-deactivated]

catch me out here having an existential crisis over an idle game-

[matthias-the-tulip]

parts i hope they keep in the red white and royal blue movie: a list.

for @failinginwhatdirection here you go

• "i'm going to throw up on you" at the stables

• "i'd rather be waterboarded" also at the stables

• "i bet he has a secret lovechild," nora says. "or he's gay. or he has a secret gay lovechild." "it's probably in case i see his equerry putting his batteries back in," alex says.

• midnight ice cream on instagram and "i didn't know you wore glasses."

• the awkward fist bump on "this morning"

• "do you mind?" in the cupboard at the hospital

• "you're not the prince of me"

• "i cannot believe even mortal peril will not prevent you from being the way you are."

• "are you psychoanalysing me? i don't think royal guests are allowed to do that."

• "is that the time you threatened to push me into the thames?"

• "no booty calls."

• "it was like you were trying to set him on fire with your mind."

• "don't let the papers print lies about me after i've garroted myself with my tie."

• "you are the thistle in the tender and sensitive arse crack of my life."

• the whole turkey situation but they really can't get rid of that it's too important - "buy a summer home in majorca with the turkey"

• mr wobbles and jabba cakes please.

• "you're jeff goldblum"

• "I BEG YOU TO NOT"

• "please do not attempt to steal my shine. you will fail and i will be embarrassed for you."

• "christ, you are as thick as it gets."

• alex falling while running with june cause he was thinking about henry

• "still waters, deep dicking.”

• “prince henry is a biscuit,” nora says, “let him sop you up.”

• "you're not going to kill him, are you?" she says. "probably not," alex tells her

• "i mean, er, should we, i dunno, slow down?" henry says, cringing so hard at himself that one eye closes. "go for dinner first, or-"

• "i'm going to die," henry says helplessly. "i'm going to kill you," alex tells him. "yes, you are," henry agrees.

• alex fixing his hair for him

• fucking eyelashes

• the whole polo kit situation. henry slowly putting his foot back on the floor 😂

• "you're a mad, spiteful, unmitigated demon, and i'm going to kiss you until you forget how to talk."

• birthday floggings et al

• i will staple your dick to the inside of your leg

• baby.

• "i miss you," alex says before he can stop himself. he instantly regrets it, but henry says, "i miss you too."

• "i want to... put my fingers in his mouth..." she moans, sounding horrified. (WE NEED JUNE)

• "if only you had known the mighty work of thine loins would be undone by a gay heir who likes it when american boys with chin dimples are mean to him."

• just the whole karaoke bar situation. plz.

• o captain, my captain

• "when at wimbledon."

• "i want to see a cage match between your grandmother and this fucking ghoul running against my mom"

• "and you are good. most things are awful most of the time, but you're good."

• "he is truly a picture, wearing an expression of bewildered panic and absolutely nothing else."

• all of zahra's little quips - "every time i see you, it takes another year off my life." - "ask me if i'm afraid of the crown."

• SEXUAL EXPERIMENTATION WITH FOREIGN MONARCHS: A GRAY AREA.

• EXPLORING YOUR SEXUALITY: HEALTHY, BUT DOES IT HAVE TO BE WITH THE PRINCE OF ENGLAND?

• FEDERAL FUNDING, TRAVEL EXPENSES, BOOTY CALLS, AND YOU

• "some saucy tart once tried to impugn my virtue against an oil painting of him, and in the halls of memory, some things demand context."

• I GUESS THAT MAKES YOU. THE MF. NORTH STAR.

• a catholic moment

• santa maria is watching

• "philip is the heir and i'm the spare, and if that nervy bastard has a heart attack at thirty-five and i've got malaria, whither the spare?

• alex's meltdown outside kensington. very important. - "how 'bout i just keep yelling and we see which of the papers show up first!" he turns back to the window and starts flailing his arms too. "henry! your royal fucking highness!"

• henry nuzzling his nose behind alex's ear.

• "next time we shall visit some of the george III pieces and see if they burst into flame."

• DANCING TO YOUR SONG IN THE MUSEUM

• "once shaan managed to dislodge him from the chandelier"

• "i will physically fight your grandmother myself if i have to, okay? and, like, she's old. i know i can take her." "i wouldn't be so cocky," henry says with a small laugh. "she's full of dark surprises."

• "your spine's a ridge i'd die climbing"

• "check the fucking news, you horny little miscreant"

• you're my mean friend

• I 😭 LOVE 😭 HIM 😭 ON 😭 PURPOSE 😭 once again they can't leave that out if they do i'll k!ll someone

• "what are we even defending here, philip? what kind of legacy? what kind of family, that says, we'll take the murder, we'll take the raping and pillaging and the colonizing, we'll scrub it up nice and neat in a museum, but oh no, you're a bloody poof? that's beyond our sense of decorum! i've bloody well had it. i've sat about long enough letting you and gran and the weight of the damned world keep me pinned, and i'm finished. i don't care. you can take your legacy and your decorum and you can shove it up your fucking arse, philip. i'm done."

• "for what it's worth," he says to philip, "that is the bravest son of a bitch I've ever met."

• "I've been gay as a maypole since the day i came out of mum, philip."

• bea pouring the tea on philip's lap

• henry pulls alex close and kisses him, whispers, "i love you i love you i love you."

• never 😭 tell 😭 me 😭 the 😭 odds 😭

• "my life is a cosmic joke and you're not a real person"

• "listen, you've had your first big sex scandal. no more sitting at the kids' table."

• how to love each other in plain sight

• "holding henry's hand atop his own knee" in the portrait

• "all this fundraising for sobriety is going to drive me to drink."

• "I'm the prince of...here"

• "you spent a month of your gap year talking to yaks in mongolia, h."

• "i know it's a lot, but you give people hope. so, get back out there and be alex."

• the super six

• alex tripping on the magazine with them on the cover

• henry fixing june's hair

[ghostdrinkssoup]

hi everyone here’s the next hannibal notes/reactions (s1 ep8 aka the notorious romcom episode and also the finale of the crush arc) except it’s just the silly goofy ones:

FROMAGE <333 this one is lowkey one of my favourites

“did you think it was a date?” “honestly it never crossed my mind” - will cringe fail era ngl 😭

“JUST KIDDING” PLEASE that’s like hannibal with his cannibal jokes 💀

“shake it off, keep on looking” will,, no,,,

I hate to say it but this is the most homoerotic murder we’ve seen so far like okayyy

“I want to be supportive of you” HANNIBAL STFU

“had to open you up to get a decent sound out of you” okayyyy

^^ THE WAY ZELLER LOOKS AT WILL AFTER HE SAYS THAT LMAOOO he’s like 😟

“he’s a poet and a psychopath 😳”

hannibal: omg he was serenading me… 🥹🔪

“I believe he wants to show someone how well he plays” maybe I giggled. maybe just a little

poor franklyn tbh 😭😭 get outta there king

“because he knows I’d tell you” the love letter has been passed in class now hannibal is meeting tobias behind the bleachers

“I didn’t want you to stop playing” now why was that kinda romantic

it’s both flirtatious and threatening, freaks </33

“what kind of animal was it?” will sitting there like oh it was me 🤭

“you have to stop thinking so much” says you will *throws plate at his head*

IT STARTED OUT WITH A KISS HOW DID IT END UP LIKE THIS

so true alana get outta there, do it for franklyn who never could </3

anyway next up is hannibal and tobias’ date. *announcer voice* will hannibal fare any better with his romantic pursuits? stay tuned after the break to find out

tobias is UNHINGED

“don’t kill franklyn 🥺” SHUT UP

hannibal: “ofc you want to kill me I’m hot and sexy 🙄”

“I could use a friend” friend is code for boy best friend 🤭💖

“I don’t want to be your friend” LITERALLY GET OWNED

NOT WILL INTERRUPTING THE DATE ?? TEA ?? this show is a romcom

“I kissed alana bloom” what is wrong with you

that is such a long drive like will 😭😭 please

“you have a guest? 🤨” literally GO AWAY

^^ WILL LOOKS SO UPSET

he’s like wtf… why would you be hanging out with anyone but me. what the hell. wine glasses too ?? you drink wine with other people ?? I’m about to break the table and eat the plates

“I don’t disagree” HANNIBAL LMAO he’s like this is the worst dynamic 🙄🙄 wbk

“I’m wondering then why you kissed her, and felt compelled to drive an hour in the snow just to tell me about it” HE SOUNDS SO ANGRY ?? like it’s subtle the way he always is but he’s internally rolling his eyes and clicking his tongue 😭

why is this literally like everybody talks “IT STARTED WITH A WHISPER AND THAT WAS WHEN I KISSED HER”

me and hannibal are both psychoanalysing the hell out of will rn

“it’s our song” - now why was that romantic

NOT HANNIBAL SENDING WILL TO TOBIAS AFTER TOBIAS SAID HE’D KILL THE MEN WHO CAME TO INVESTIGATE HIM ??? he’s feeling a little silly

^^ he’s literally self destructive and is the cause of all his problems I hate him 🫶

hannibal: *sends will to his likely death*

also hannibal literally next scene: *laments to bedelia about his will obsession and want for connection*

he’s so stupid 😩 I hate gay people

“is there someone new in your life?” “I met a man :D” why is he acting cute 😭

not hannibal confessing his crush on will to bedelia, he’s literally twirling his hair and kicking his legs AGAIN like a FOOL

“he can assume my point of view” bedelia is immediately like 🚩

NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS IN A BASEMENT

NOT TOBIAS SHOWING UP AT HANNIBAL’S OFFICE WHEN FRANKLYN IS THERE WHAT IS THIS A SOAP OPERA

I like how hannibal willingly sent will to tobias (and his likely death) and then is SURPRISED when tobias said he killed the police who came to investigate him LIKE HE SAID HE WOULD

^^ clown behaviour

the girls are fighting 😳

this bitch fight was so needed 💅

hannibal tearing up when he sees will what if I cried too huh? what then? but no at this point hannibal has totally fallen for him jeez 😭

“I was worried you were dead” SHUT UP

also we were so robbed of will wiping the blood from hannibal’s face in that scene why would they take that from us </3

“I can’t help feeling responsible for what happened to franklyn” SHUT UP I HATE HIM

[bratz-kitten]

questions i have for the signs

libra suns – do you learn a lot from observing other people’s behaviours? because libras do so well in group settings, and they value their emotional intelligence and ability for being likeable a lot. once, a libra sun man came up to me and just told me that he learned a lot of his behaviours from observing others and that’s how he learned better coping mechanisms/better ways of expressing himself and his emotions. at first, i found that absolutely preposterous because as someone who’s always focused so much on my own individuality and authenticity, the thought of taking aspects from other people just repulsed me, but the more i think about it, the more it makes sense – after all, there’s so much to learn from others and since observational skills are so important, why not use them to better ourselves?

also, to my libra suns once again – how the hell have you managed to build a reputation for being stable and peaceful? i swear every libra i’ve ever met was absolutely unstable – the type to throw their phones on the wall during arguments, to randomly go up to me and start psychoanalysing me, to immediately go confrontational mode no matter if they were in the middle of class, simply because they couldn’t leave shit unresolved. i’ve noticed your tendency for playing devil’s advocate in every situation in the name of “fairness” has you being VERY confrontational. it’s kinda refreshing not gonna lie.

now, ladies.. have we noticed how misogynistic cancer sun men can be or am i losing my mind? i swear to god i’ve never met ONE in my life who didn’t have extremely sexist opinions. even the ones who seem like great people and who get along with everybody – they still think that girls who sleep around casually have no self-respect and that sex workers are disgusting. also, hating on girls for doing the buss it challenge and for posting pictures where they’re showing skin and feeling themselves? saying they’re sluts? as if they’re not the same men who click on those videos? not only the misogynist part, but also extreme anger issues that come out at the most unexpected times. i believe it’s their traditionalist views and their hatred for their own femininity that has them projecting their insecurities onto other women. either way, cancer men terrify me. perhaps it’s that my father’s a cancer and he’s the blueprint of all terrible men in my life, or perhaps cancer men really are batshit crazy. either way, please change my mind lol there are probably some good ones out there but my experience has me believing otherwise

pisces mars – (18+) do you get pleasure from simply pleasuring your partner? i do this and i feel like it’s to a point where it’s toxic, every time i’m the one receiving i’ll be thinking about how i could be using this time to pleasure them instead, even if it feels really good. i don’t know what it is but the act of knowing i’m making someone feel good feels 1000 times better than everything else, it feels my soul and i think it’s a pisces mars thing. it’s crazy because it’s only in sexual matters, in day-to-day basis i’m very assertive but in bed i’m extremely submissive and just want to fulfil all of my partner’s needs. do you also have very intricate sexual fantasies that you’re constantly thinking about? also, are you masoquistic? i’ve seen other pisces mars talking about this, about how they get off on pain a lot and it makes me feel less alone. it might also relate to lilith in the 12th house because it indicates mixing pain with pleasure + escapism through fantasies + some very extreme fetishes like r*pe-play. let’s start this discussion lol

leo placements – how does it feel like being the baddest bitches alive? serious answers only. also stop making me fall in love with you it’s annoying

capricorn/scorpio suns, do you gravitate a lot towards one another? im a capricorn and i attract a lot of scorpio placements, and scorpios are the people who bring me the most intense personal transformations. it’s also definitely because i have scorpio in the 8th, but either way, i feel like these two signs attract each other like crazy because they’re the darkest signs. scorpio simbolizes death while capricorn simbolizes the devil, they’re both so difficult, complex and drawn to dark topics that i feel like it’s a match made in heaven – or hell. i’ve also observed that the most powerful power-couples in media are always relationships between capricorns and scorpios, too.

moon in the 10th house natives – do people baby you a lot? i feel like i’ll just be walking down the streets and my friends will be screaming at me to be careful like i’m a 5 year old, or offering to do things for me, or feeling an inherent need to supervise me as if i’ll get in deep shit if i’m left alone for more than 5 minutes LOL but i do think it’s something about this placement. moon in the 10th indicates being very emotional and getting easily overwhelmed, also a lot of charisma and being very sensitive when it comes to personal relationships. also the way we radiate authority makes others unconsciously be more obedient towards our needs, and we have a very strong need to protect others and create a family within our friend groups, which might be creating these dynamics.

leo suns/moons/risings – do you feel like having a low self-esteem quite literally contributes to the deterioration of your physical health? i think there’s such a stark difference between when you’re feeling insecure and in an unhealthy relationship vs when you leave the toxicity behind and work on your self-confidence, there’s an immediate glow up, like you’re literally glowing and it shows.

gemini suns – why do so many people hate you? even people who know nothing about astrology will say they hate geminis. genuine question because geminis are one of my favorite signs. i think it’s something about the way you easily adapt to other people’s personalities and mirror their energy, so you’ve built this reputation for being two-faced when you’re literally just.. socially intelligent.

air moons – how tf can you turn your emotions off? what do you mean using logic instead of feelings i will literally unalive myself

capricorn moons – how does it feel like having healthy coping mechanisms? oh wait, it’s not like you’d know LMFAOOOO

scorpio mars – are you as sexual as people portray you to be or do you feel a bit weird about the way people talk about you? because people always talk about scorpio mars as this sex machines, but like.. scorpio’s a water sign. very sensitive. i’ve noticed you guys literally avoid having sex with people because it’s like giving them a part of your soul, and you know you’ll get extremely attached to them afterwards. is sex a casual thing for you or can you only feel satisfied when there’s an emotional connection established? this goes for all water sign mars by the way.

scorpio risings – do you only listen to music that you feel has a deep meaning? my brother is a scorpio rising and he prides himself a lot on his music taste and how deep the music he listens to is. and as an aries rising im just like.. sir i listen to doja cat because hearing her sing about sex and fat tiddies makes me happy

[logarto]

undefined

[01solarsmiles]

synopsis: you’ve been at jaehyun’s “secret” flat for a while now. you’re not quite sure how long, he says time passes differently here. not that you mind. you’re healing and there’s nothing you have wrong with that. having been away form everything that was bad for you, you’re coming to realise that things really were better with jaehyun. and no matter how many times he tries to tell you, he knows you have to come to that conclusion yourself.

tl;dr: you heal under jaehyun’s caring gaze.

genre: fantasy!au, kind of domestic!au, magic!jaehyun, fluff, smut, fem!reader

warnings: smut in the forms of kissing, titplay, basically motorboats oc, brief nipple play, heavy petting/fondling, grinding (?), oral (male recieving), jaehyun can’t hold his load oops, unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it), creampie, brief cumplay lmao jaehyun is the teeniest bit kinky

other: jaehyun is my soft boi, wanna smooch and cuddle in his pastel coloured sweats, i’m british so he lives in a flat, soft smut… almost r*mantic,,, jaehyun is a boob man; do what you will with that B), jaehyun uses pet names bc i think it would be sickly sweet leaving his lips, time is relevant so i can do what i want with this thanks xox

wordcount: 8.5k

a/n: this is a continuation from the last chapter. i split it bc i needed inspo lmao so once again, not happy with how it ended previously so i had to write more. admittedly, it was origianlly one long piece but i realised i wanted to add more depth to when they’re living together (basically) so i split it therefore enabling me to write what i wanted about them being cute and stuff. yeah.

You had been given a wheelchair by the hospital but had refused to use it, wanting to prove that you were okay, to yourself and Jaehyun. He had convinced you to stay in it as you left the hospital to please the staff on your way out but you had point-blank refused when you made it to the small block of flats he said he lived in. After walking two steps from the car you let out a whimper and gave in to his incessant pleas to get you to sit in the wheelchair.

Oddly, there had been no one in the foyer and you hadn’t bumped into anyone in the hallway in front of the lift. He had helped you when you made it into the flat, moving you over to the sofa where you melted into the plush cushions of the seat.

On the way here, the two of you had already argued about where you were going to stay, him insisting on not leaving you alone and you insisting that you’d be okay at a friends place. In the end, he promised to contact your friends and family to tell them you were spending a little time away (you wouldn’t let him tell them you had been to the hospital). After all, he had saved you when you needed it most.

Your cracked lips remained tightly sealed as he folded the wheelchair away and tucked it behind a cupboard where it wasn’t in your direct line of sight.

You decide to look around, wanting to take up some time and to avoid looking him directly in the eye.

The flat was… cosy. It looked lived in, all the trinkets and small collages stuck up on the walls drawing your attention away from the shelves stacked with potted plants. Everything about the room seemed to tie together with another aspect of the flat. You couldn’t help but wonder why he had a place like this.

He notices your inquisitive look, “It’s supposed to be a secret. Though almost everyone important knows this is where they’ll find me if I disappear without an explanation.” Jaehyun moves towards the small kitchenette, fetching a glass of water befoer placing it on a coaster on the glass coffee table by your legs.

You wait for a second, acknolwedging the glass of iced water, then look up, meeting his hesitant gaze, “Everything’s green.”

It wasn’t a deep green either, more like a soft earthy green. Maybe a sage colour, but you were mostly going off of the presence of the plants and the colour of the sofa. Some of the counters in his one-person kitchen were a soft green, accented with wood countertops and a pastel fridge. It was soothing on your eyes, you had to admit.

He nods, unsure what you’re getting at, “Yeah…?”

“The first and second time I met you, you exclusively wore red. And it was glittery,” you point out, one wordlessly eyebrow raised.

He tilts his head, dimples appearing in his cheeks as he stuffs his hands in his jogging bottom pockets, rattling his keys in his pockets, “Just because I wear red doesn’t mean my whole life revolves around that primary colour.”

You roll your eyes and lean back into the sofa cushion, tenderly crossing your arms, “Well, no. I guess not,” you let your headrest on a pillow he slips behind your neck discreetly, “I suppose… I just assumed that you did,” you shrug your shoulders, “wasn’t something I gave much thought to.”

Jaehyun kicks off his trainers and throws his keys into a bowl on the kitchen counter. You could probably stick your arm over the back of the sofa and touch the pillar that separated the two areas if you tried hard enough adn weren’t brusied all over. He’s got a small smile on his face that brings his dimples out as he makes his way over to sit on the sofa with you, letting himself fall haphazardly onto the cushions. “So you thought about me, even a little.”

Ignoring his comment, you take in his flat to its fullest. You weren’t wrong, this man lived in a green, cottagecore aesthetic in his off-time. Admittedly you were a big fan of the wall of shelves stacked with different plants, mostly succulents and cactus -- the odd spine of a book eeking through -- and you even enjoyed the small desk that was home to a few depictions of watercolour flowers. Your eyes fall on the black figure, slinking under the legs of the glass coffee table pitched in front of you, making you flinch as you suppressed your reflex to jump; it was only a cat.

A cat man. Of course, he was.

Jaehyun’s eyes follow yours, “That’s Prim. She likes to keep to herself. Occasionally she curls up with me.”

“You made it sound like you rarely come here.”

“Mhm.”

“You have a cat.”

“I have a cat,” he affirms.

Prim disappears around the pillar into the kitchen. Jaehyun must’ve put down some food for her because you can hear her softly eating followed briefly by the sound of her lapping at a bowl of water.

“And plants.”

“Those too.” He’s not sure where you’re going with this, neither were you, but he was humouring it, seeing it through to the end if he got ot be in your presence longer.

Your eyes go back to wandering around the room, watching how the sun dips in between the curtains and cascades through the room. You had sat in the seat closest to the entrance, meaning Jaehyun’s back was to the window as he faced you while you were talking. He was still dressed in the outfit you assumed he slept in at the hospital. You were dressed in the same clothes you had gone in with, having had to change out of the gown they had provided when you left.

He looked so effortlessly pretty. It made you want to cry.

You suck in a breath and say, “I’m a little tired. Can I sleep… anywhere?”

He nods and jumpts to his feet before helping you to yours. Slowly, you make your way down the hall, almost all of your weight is beared on Jaehyun. He’s practically carrying you but neither of you mention it. It was only a small flat, something you couldn’t wrap your head around when he could probably have anything he liked, and so it only had one bedroom.

Initially, you had put up a fight but he simply said he wasn’t tired and there was a box room he could get a bed into if the sofa wasn’t comfortable enough (it was but you weren’t okay with the fact that he was giving up his bed). You lay on your side, a body pillow supporting your small frame. You were so tense, worried about Soobin and Dan-ah and Mina and your Mum and Dad and Hyejin as she was probably the only friend of yours who regularly checked in. There was so much running through your mind and you almost don’t notice Jaehyun’s soft palm gripping yours, his thumb rubbing over the back of your hand. Unbeknownst to you, he had seen the anxious look on your face and had guessed that you were psychoanalysing everything in your head, cogs turning. He wanted to subtly draw you out from your thoughts... so he let a little of his power surge through his fingertips and into your palm, hoping it was enough to make you woozy.

Without much thought to it, you rested your head on his pillow and fell asleep.

Jaehyun stays, for a minute or two, holding your hand until your grip weakens, your breathing becomes heavier and your chest goes into a steady rise and fall. He watches, as you lay, unbothered by the world outside. You looked at peace. At home.

Was this the first time you had been able to wind down like this?

He sighs, wriggling his hand from under yours and gets up to leave before he pulls a brown monochrome blanket over your frame. A slight frown etches itself on your forehead as your fingers twitch, looking for the hand Jaehyun had slipped away, before you subconsciously grip the blanket and curl into it instead, the frown erasing itself from your face, leaving you looking at peace once again.

You wake up to the sun going down outside, a blanket covering your body and pillows squished underneath to support your body.

You’re tender. That’s safe to say.

The room was airy; Jaehyun had left the window on the latch and the door cracked open so as to not make it stuffy. Glancing around, you notice the simplicity of it. Bed, side table, lamp and wardrobe. It differed massively from the rest of his flat. Maybe he hadn’t gotten around to decorating substantially in here.

You get up, perching yourself on the edge of the bed before making your way out of the room. Shuffling along, you cling to the wall as you know full well you shouldn’t be venturing around by yourself and make your way to the living room, “Jaehyun?” you call. The calling stops when you spot Jaehyun with an open book lying in his lap while he snores lightly, passed out on the sofa. The corners of your mouth twitch, curling into a smile at the sight of him so peaceful.

You hold out your arm, inspecting the bandage on it. You sigh, “I need a shower.”

You turn back, headed towards what you assumed was the bathroom. The door creaks open; thankfully, you were correct. There are fresh towels hanging on the rack and a laundry basket sits tucked into the corner. Stripping from your clothes gingerly, you turn on the shower. While it warms up you unwrap your bandages and softly poke the back of your head. You’re probably not supposed to submerge it yet so you work with what you can. The shower itself was a standalone that had frosted glass wrapped around it, hiding what was on the inside if anyone were to look in.

The whole ordeal was a show in itself, you carefully moving things about, trying not to knock anything all while trying to do your best with what you’ve got. It wasn’t the best situation in the world but it was the best out of the hand you were dealt. Having not been back to your flat to get anything, you didn’t have any of your usual hair products so you used the products that were already there and a lemon body wash that had been sitting patiently.

Eventually, you finish up with half-washed hair and a mostly clean body. Your fingers had pruned long ago and you took that as a sign to get out of the shower to stop using all the hot water.

You stepped out, and grabbed the towel off of the rack, wrapping yourself in them. They were so soft against your skin. Holding it tightly against your skin you move to stand in the middle of the bathroom. It wasn’t big but it had an oval mirror hanging above the sink. Staring at your reflection for a little, you internally pick apart everything you don’t like.

Staring with the obvious bruises. “I’ll heal,” you tell your reflection, “I won’t degrade myself like that again.” Your fingers brush against your towel-covered ribs, making you flinch. “He won’t do this to me again; I won’t let him,” you pause before whispering, “I’m not going back to him.”

By now, your eyes are watering a little so you sniffle and wipe the forming tears away before they’re given the chance to fall. You deserve better. You know this. “I deserve better. I am worth better.”

In the middle of this, Prim slinks through the crack of the door, making you jump a little. With your hand on your heart, you take deep breaths, watching as she jumps onto the closed toilet seat and sits down on a pile of clothes. A pile of clothes you don’t remember putting there. Your eyes widen at the thought of Jaehyun seeing you naked but then you whip your head to the shower walls, reminding yourself that they’re frosted and he would’ve only been able to see an outline at the most.

Prim purrs, drawing your attention back to her.

She blinks at you. She’s so calm. You reach the backside of your hand out so she can sniff it. After a quick sniff, she turns her head and rubs it into the palm of your hand. You gratefully accept her and let her continue to rub herself on you as you alternate between scratching the underside of her chin and the back of her head. She purrs in content and you let out a quiet giggle.

Jaehyun had been awake for the past ten minutes or so. He’d dug through his drawers, pulling out an old pair of jogging bottoms that he’d bulked out of but never gotten around to throwing out, a pair of clean underwear and a jumper that was currently his size but probably oversized on you. He’d slipped them onto the toilet seat (thank god it was so close to the door) without peeping past the sink and must’ve forgotten to pull the door up all the way on his way out.

He listens to Prim purring and you giggling softly from the safety of his sofa in the living room, a smile making its way onto his face. He had flicked on the table lamp on the end table by the sofa, continuing to read his book – A natural history of Dragons. Not as accurate as he remembers but a little light reading never did anyone any harm.

When you stepped out of the bathroom, you looked fresh. Swamped in his jumper and bare feet padding across the panelled flooring. He looks up from his book, noticing you gradually making your way over to him, he jumps up, trying to help you. You looked cute with your sweater paw leaned up against the wall.

He tucks a hand under your armpit for leverage, you turn, a little surprised and open your mouth to say something but can’t bring yourself to when you realise how close your faces are. Jaehyun either doesn’t notice or pretends to not know, making you feel more embarrassed than you thought possible. His musk engulfs you, overriding your senses and you hesitate in your step.

“Oh,” you say, face hot to which you can only pray he doesn’t sense how he caught you off-guard, “you don’t have to–”

“It’s okay,” he whispers softly, hands pulling you into him so he can use his body strength to help too. You feel goosebumps from his caring touch and you wonder about the last time someone treated you like this.

Since when did he become so domestic?

You brush it off and he helps lower you down to the sofa and Prim follows suit, helping herself to your lap as she curls into a ball, letting you run your fingers down her back in a soothing motion.

You could feel the heat rising up your neck at how close the two of you had been, your mind running to months before when you had been close to him. Before, you had been embarrassed about yourself as he was helping you out of the hospital but he had reassured you that you had nothing to worry about – the gentleman that he was – he didn’t want you to feel ashamed. So, you let yourself relax on his plush sofa cushions while he went about making something to eat for the both of you with a grin on his face, knowing all too well what he had inflicted upon you moments ago.

That’s how the next month or so went by. You pushed yourself to your limits, all of your minor injuries healed (somehow), and followed Jaehyun around while Prim followed you. As promised, Jaehyun brought home a bed for the box room to which you insisted on sleeping in since you were the one who was the guest but he had none of it. In the end, he dressed the room up nicely and it ended up looking like it had been there all along.

At first, Jaehyun hadn’t let you do any of the things you offered to do, especially the cooking. He had a large repertoire of recipes up his sleeve and wasn’t letting you do anything to strain yourself.

Your phone had briefly glitched the first time you turned it on, which was odd on a good day.

“Time passes differently here,” he had explained, “Einstein was right about that one; time is relevant. He almost caught us out one time with his research into it but Yuta turned him around and set him back on track again.”

To which he then had to explain to you who Yuta was. He sounded nice, harmless but what got you was the fact that there were more people like Jaehyun. You had yet to meet more than the man who stood in front of you as he explained that to you.

Weeks into your stay, he took you round to your place, helped you pick up your things and also helped you leave a thick layer of red glitter all over your now ex-boyfriend’s penthouse. He deserved it. According to Jaehyun, your ex was in the process of moving out, as per Jaehyun’s convincing argumentative skills.

You rang some of your family and friends, asking after them and telling them you were okay after it was established between you that you and Soobin were no longer together but the most heartbreaking one was between you and your niece. She had been there, she knew now, even if you didn’t want her too, she knew. You could only pray that it slowly faded from her memory, for her sake more than yours, as she grew older.

According to Hyejin (when she rambled to you on the phone as she bawled, bless her), Soobin had been given the sack and lost most of what he owned. He’d also been sporting a black eye for two weeks after you got out of the hospital. She had been the first person you rang but the small detail had slipped your mind until later that night. You tried not to outright weep tears of joy, knowing that he’d had even the tiniest bit of his own medicine fed back to him, followed suit by you quizzing Jaehyun to which he hid his knuckles behind his back as he walked in with a tray of sushi that had been delivered tonight as a treat before your anime marathon.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I haven’t seen him,” he throws his keys into the bowl on the kitchen counter after toeing off his shoes in the entrance of his flat.

Having had time to heal, you pull yourself to tuck your legs underneath you as you look over the back of the sofa. “Jaehyun,” you warn. Prim materialises from the depths of Jaehyun’s bedsheets, where you had left her earlier, to greet her beloved owner. She purrs against his leg and he leans down to scratch behind her ear.

“Y/n,” he says back, trying his best to match your tone.

Your eyes follow Prim, closely watching as she jumps onto the kitchen counter and paws at the key-bowl. Tucking your bottom lip between your teeth you nibble until you can form a sentence that wouldn’t betray you when it left the corners of your mind.

Thinking about it, you decide against arguing with him on it. If he was lying it wasn’t something that was going to stop you from hanging around him, so why push it? Because you wanted to know why. “You were out a while after you texted me you’d finished food shopping the other day, where’d you go?”

Jaehyun glances at you, his hair stood slightly on end as if he’d been running his hand through it, possibly one too many times. It was shorter than when you had first come into his care – you’d helped him one day to trim it. You’d also insisted that he let you do it because you used to cut your hair in the bathroom mirror. ‘Not the same,’ he had said but he had handed you the scissors all the same. He was still dressing for comfort, something that you appreciated when the evening came and the tv turned on. It was a small flat which meant a small-ish sofa. He wasn’t against wrapping an arm around you and the two of you had been known to fall asleep to a movie or two in recent weeks.

“Went to work, briefly. Gotta make sure everything’s on schedule; they’d practically die without me to ditto everything they’re already sure of,” he flashes you a grin that his dimples can’t escape, “it’s nice to be home.”

You murmur a response.

Scattering away, Jaehyun has a shower after being out and gets dressed quickly to return to you. He walks over to the kitchen, deciding to grab some things for the evening.

His back is turned to you now, he’s grabbing a couple of drinks from the fridge, the glow of the light illuminating his face.

“I missed you.”

You… what?

The pounding of your heart against your ribcage was deafening. Had you just said that out loud? He turns to meet your frantic gaze, waiting for your response. He can barely breathe out the response, “I missed you too.”

He grins, sinking himself into the space next to you and slings his arm over the back, his hand resting close to your neck. “Awh, did you really?”

Your body practically recoils, turning back on itself, “No. I just wanted you to bring ice cream; I’ve been craving it all week.”

Instantly you regret your choice as he frowns slightly and turns away.

You’re forced to think about the countless nights you’d spent curled up in his bed, some of them the result of you weeping into one of his many pastel sweatshirts you adorned about your failed relationship with Soobin, others about how you had neglected to tell your family and friends about the situation you had been in for almost a year by the time Jaehyun had pulled you away from it. Most nights, Jaehyun heard you, upset and alone in the dark. In the beginning, he wasn’t sure what to do about it, part of him knowing that he should leave you to heal but the other part of him screaming that he shouldn’t let you suffer alone – shouldn’t let you think you’re in this alone when you’re most certainly not where he’s concerned.

The first time he had left you, not sure he had heard correct when he came back from work, groggy from the use of his powers and feeling like he needed to faceplant his pillow from the exhaustion. You had stopped, little sniffles being masked by the vibrations of Prim’s purring against your body where she had hopped up on the bed to comfort you, when you thought Jaehyun was listening, hoping that he would leave you to hurt for a short while longer.

He had sensed your hesitation and made his way to the shower, deciding he needed to be fresh for the next morning.

He was oddly caring. Not that it was odd for someone to care but it was odd for someone to care this much and for the person to be Jaehyun was the cherry on top.

Turning back to face you, he grins, “Wanna watch that anime you were telling me about? I googled it last night and read some forums; apparently it’s good.”

Your eyes light up, “Sword Art Online? Yes please.”

Jaehyun shakes his head, chuckling to himself at how eager you are. He loved when you showed interest in things like this. His auburn hair falls into his eyes as he skims through whatever application he had pulled up (Netflix; no chill) while you weren’t looking and he breathes softly through his nose, concentrating on the screen in front of him.

Once again, you were studying him. It had been a long time since you had arrived. Time is relevant, true, but how much time is too much time?

The sun had set an hour or so ago now and you had already eaten some of the takeaway earlier as neither of you had been interested in cooking. You wondered if he knew how the table lamp accentuated his face, the soft hue acting like his usual haze when he was in his suit – which you learned was the reason he practical glowed as he had since told you there was magic twined into the thread it was sewed together with – and made him look angelic. You wondered if he knew the camel sweats he was wearing made you want to cuddle him and nuzzle your nose into his side, somewhere that you felt more than safe to be. You wondered if he knew how much you liked it here and how you were apprehensive about going back to the real world full time.

You’d been out, of course, he couldn’t confine you to his flat even if he wanted to but he always made sure that there were the correct precautions in place. He was always here, anyway, choosing you over everything else so there was rarely a time where you could go out without him. Smiling to yourself, you remind yourself that you don’t think you’d want to go by yourself when there’s a perfectly good Jaehyun waiting for you.

His hair fell in soft waves on his forehead, and his brow furrowed as he tried to figure out why he couldn’t find Sword Art Online for you two to watch. The two of you had fallen into a routine, he pats his leg, signalling for you to lay your head down on his lap as he pulls a pillow from behind him for you to rest your head on.

Shifting your body, careful of your ribs still, you lay down and wrap a hand under his leg for leverage, being sure to keep it closer to the back of his knee than his thigh as it was easier to curl your hand. He didn’t mind because when you sat and watched horror movies you would squeeze his leg in anticipation for a jump scare of sorts. He thought it was cute.

Eventually, he finds it, “Here we go,” he mumbles, clicking on the first episode. You settle in, pushing your face further into the cushion as Jaehyun lets his hand rest on your shoulder, somewhere safe for him to touch. His other hand plays with your hair absentmindedly as the episode begins, showing the people who had been waiting for the game to come out so that they could play it.

It remains like this, you making comments here and there, ooh’s and ah’s coming form both of you as you talk about the episode before it rolls over to the next one. At one point, he says something that makes you sit up completely, throwing him off as your warmth leaves his body.

“Did you just suggest that Kirito could be –”

His eyes widen, “I merely suggested that he –”

You scowl, pout and cross your arms, your cardigan falling off your shoulder at an angle, “No! You said what you said. It’s out there now, in the cosmos, for all to judge. You can’t take it back.”

He’s looking at you, first with shock but then with an expectant look. All you were doing was arguing over anime. You’re not sure you remember seeing him like this, eyes filled with something you cannot describe. Is this what being loved feels like? The flying thought catches you off guard and you hold your breath. He wonders if you know that’s how he’s feeling, how he’s seeing you. The rose-tinted filter settled in and he was determined to keep it that way for a long time.

Jaehyun had got dressed after his shower into a sweatshirt and sweatpants, and joined you on the sofa while you were watching the back end of a drama you had been meaning to watch for months before you had switched over to anime. It was your thing; watching anime together.

His hand reaches to rest on the side of your face, thumb brushing your cheek and fingers splaying down to reach your neck and brings his face closer to yours, making your breath hitch. The last time you had been like this neither of you were thinking in coherent thoughts. At this point, you’d spent months with him, hiding from your family and friends – only partially as you had wanted to gain your confidence back again and go back with a real job.

His hair was still drying on the ends where he hadn’t bothered to towel dry it. It brushed against your forehead as he brought his forehead to rest on yours, savouring the moment.

Breathily, you manage to say his name.

He hums in response, eyes trained diligently on your lips, waiting for your response. He doesn’t notice how you watch him watching you, he’s enamoured. He loved when you looked like this. So carefree. So pure. So… pretty.

“Kiss me.”

He doesn’t wait any longer.

Lips centimetres form yours, he gives you the opportunity to change your mind but you bring your lips to his, not wanting to drag this out any longer. His fingers stay on your face while your hands have yet to find somewhere to be placed – something that Jaehyun notices – so he picks up your hand and curls it around the back of his neck before wrapping his own around the small of your back, a smirk finding its home on his face.

Feeling more confident, you bring your free hand to splay across his cheek, thumb mindlessly rubbing the dip where his dimple becomes prominent. His hair stands on end on the back of his neck, the sensation of your fingers brushing his face so calmly as he pulls your lower lip between his having caused goosebumps to form down his arms.

Secretly, he was glad he was wearing his sweatshirt so that you couldn’t see how sensitive he was to you.

Jaehyun leans gradually away and you chase his lips, not wanting to forget the feeling any time soon. All of the time you had spent with Soobin and yet none of the moments you had shared felt like this. It made your heart pound and the butterflies were making their way up, tickling your diaphragm as you struggle to breathe.

“Y/n,” he begins, lids heavy and forehead pressed to yours. He’s not really sure what he wants to say… how does one express the euphoria they feel from finally doing the right thing and knowing it’s the right thing? Because that’s how Jaehyun felt. You knew he wanted to say something so you lightly prompt him.

“Jae… what are you thinking?”

His lids close and he bumps his nose with yours, lips parted, “I want to kiss you like that more often.”

You giggle, which throws him off, “Do you?” He looks up to meet your wandering gaze through his lashes, “because I want to kiss you like that more often, too.”

He grins, tightening his grip around your waist, pulling you in until you’re straddling his lap. “Oh yeah? How about I do just that, then.” His lips return to yours. You noticed that Jaehyun’s lips tasted of cherry chapstick, and you loved that, deciding to part the seal of his mouth with your tongue to devour the taste further.

The subtle curve of his lips was something you didn’t want to forget – that was for sure. You work on memorising this feature and lightly tug at the tufts of hair at the back of his head, making him moan into your mouth ever so slightly.

“That was adorable,” you mumble against his lips, lowering yourself so your bum is resting on the heels of your feet either side of his thighs.

His face flushes but he pretends to not notice and instead lets his hands roam until they’re palming the globes of your ass.

This shocks you into action a little, the squeezing fingers forcing you to lift and lean on your knees, breasts pushed up against his chin as you continue to kiss him.

As you slipped your tongue to mingle with his, you decided then and there that you were absolutely in love with kissing him. Possibly smitten, just a tiny bit.

You had worn a tank top and a light cardigan for comfort around the flat, not wanting to pull jeans on and a blouse every morning and instead opting for leggings and light-tees regularly. You weren’t sure what kind of man Jaehyun was, an ass or boob man but something igniting inside you and hardening in his sweatpants told you that you were going to find out pretty damn soon.

Pulling away you offer a small smile at him, he grins, like he knows he’s about to get a present he’s been waiting for ages for. Ironic, considering his job profession.

You bite your lip and let your hands fall down to his arms, running your palms up and down his biceps. By now the episode had rolled over and was about 10 minutes into the next but you and Jaehyun were far too distracted, you figured it would have to wait. It would still be there tomorrow when you could rewatch it and continue your marathon.

His own hands rest below the curve or your breasts, thumbing at the swell.

You dip your head, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth before letting your tongue peak out and swirl its way down to his neck. Peppering kisses against his tan skin you pick a spot where he makes the most fuss when you reach it and bruise it with your lips. He groans at the feeling of your lips tainting his skin so skillfully and thinks about how you went to waste on someone like your ex before him. His breathing grows heavy and his fingers run up and down your back in a soothing manner, toying with the hem of your tank top every time his fingers brush the bottom.

“Oh my God,” he breathes out when you’re finished.

You giggle, “What?”

You had slipped your cardigan off, letting it fall in a heap on the floor and hooked your fingers under your shirt before throwing it across the room.

Gazing up at you, you can practically see the hearts spinning around his head. You knew that if this was a Looney Toon cartoon, his eyes would’ve been pounding hearts right about now.

“You’re so beautiful,” he sighs as you press a closed mouth kiss to his jaw, “…pretty girl.”

You were left in a dark pair of leggings and your t-shirt bra. It wasn’t anything fancy (you were here for comfort, for god’s sake) but Jaehyun looked at you like you had put all the stars in the sky yourself, something you were unfamiliar with. Pride swells in your chest and lust swells in your core.

“Are you going to keep staring or are you going to do something?” You tease. He merely smirks, enjoying what he hasn’t even done yet, and buries his head between your breasts.

You let out a small “Oof” noise and steady yourself on his shoulders. Leaning on your feet normally would’ve been enough but when he stuck his head between your boobs it had knocked you slightly off balance. Your fingers dig into his shoulder blades, pressing crescetn moons into his skin, but Jaehyun takes no notice as he noses his way to a fleshy spot and attaches his lips.

“Smell so good,” he’s referring to the perfume you had brought with you when you cleaned out your apartment. “Wanna taste,” he mumbles into your boobs. Your panties dampen at the confession, not knowing completely how to respond without crying out a moan.

Unshockingly so, this was one of the few tinmes you had felt like the only girl in the world, not to quote Rihanna, but it was truly a moment you had no desire to forget any time soon.

Instinctively, your hands retire to the back of his head, pulling him closer whilst he goes to town on a hickey he’s suckling into your skin.

Pulling back, he grins, “Perfect.” He’s admiring his handiwork but it still sends the stupid butterflies contained in your abdomemn stir crazy when his gaze meets yours, filled with lust, love, adoration – whatever you want to call it, his eyes contained it. Lids low and mind focused, his hand snakes behind your body to unhook your bra but you stop him.

In fear of pushing you too far he drops his hand and waits, eyes wide for what had stopped you.

“I-I haven’t – no – I don’t…” you struggle to find the correct words in front of Jaehyun, the cool breeze making you shiver in the slightest.

“What is it, angel?” He brings his hands to your waist, rubbing slow circles to calm you.

“Soobin,” you exhale. It was all Jaehyun needed to know so he took a deep breath.

He’s watching you as he says, “I don’t care. That was then… this is now.”

You nod. His features twist into a smile, images of that night coming back to him, “Plus I already fucked you against the –”

Your hand finds itself pressed across his mouth in the blink of an eye, praying he doesn’t finish that sentence, “I know,” you squeak before emphasising, “I was there.”

He tilts his head and offers a mischievous glint, “I thought you didn’t think I was real, simply a figment of your imagination, if I do remember correctly.”

Groaning, you roll your eyes, “Stop with that! You showed up, dressed in red and in the middle of the night after I’d written a letter that only I could know the contents of. Who’s to say you weren’t an incubus, huh?”

A single eyebrow is raised on his part.

“And you were gone before I woke up,” you mumble against his neck, now enticed by his scent again, “I never told anyone because it sounds wild, right? You have to admit that part at the very least.”

That made him take a second to process, “I never thought of it like that,” he mumbles, pressing feather-light kisses up your arm.

“It was something I thought about for a while,” you meekly replied to his unasked question.

“Well,” he begins, “you don’t have to worry any longer,” and presses his lips to your clavicle, fingers unclasping your bra behind you, this time you let him, sighing into his golden touch, boobs pressed against his chest. He groans at the feeling or your unclothed, hardened nipples cutting in on his pecs. You sling your bra across the room, not giving much thought or care towards where it ended up as there were more pressing matters you cared about.

Your neck is tipped back as his tongue dips to the valley of your breasts, he places an endearing kiss to your sternum and sets his sights onto your nipples.

Hand resting on the nape of his neck, you arch into the feeling of his wet mouth latching onto your nipple, peak caught between his tongue and teeth as he teases you, and tug on his hair.

He savours this, moaning before switching to your other nipple, not wanting to leave one without the same amount of attention. At this point, your panties are embarrassingly soaked from all of the stimulation.

“You’re so good to me,” you whine, not talking about just this very moment. You’re reminiscing about the past couple of months you’ve spent in his care too and something tells you that he knows that too.

He releases your nipple from his lips and glances up at you, “Is that so, angel?”

“Mhm,” you mumble, not sure what he wants you to say or what you should say to keep the mood going, “all the time. Miss you so much because of it,” you pout slightly, not wanting to draw too much from the conversation in case things went sideways.

You bring your hands to his cheeks, resting either side and pinch lightly, toying with him. “Keep me happy,” you state before leaning down to kiss him again. His eyes flutter close and you trail your hands down his abdomen, pressing harder with your nails as you slide them down to the hem of his jumper.

“Off,” you mutter against his lips. He gladly complies, you were topless and it was only fair he comes level with your nakedness. When you part momentarily to lift it over his head, your hungry eyes zone in on how constricted his hardened dick was within the confines of his sweatpants.

Jaehyun notices this, ruffled hair askew and mind now clear from the fog you had bestowed upon him when you had kissed him. He knew what he wanted, did you want it too?

Without hesitation, you palm the outline of his dick over the sweatpants, wanting to see his reaction. You were best pleased when he fights the urge to roll his eyes but bites his lip to stop himself from thrusting into your silky touch. Not that he’d felt that today, just yet.

You stifle a giggle, “Eager, pretty boy.”

One kiss is placed to his lips before you slip off of his lap, knees thudding as they land on the floor. You hook your index fingers around the waistband of his sweats and underpants, the tell-tale Tommy band staring back at you, knowing he would comply but you only pull them down just enough to free his weeping cock.

It springs up, slapping against his abdomen, veins prominent from the grining you had been doing earlier. Your mouth waters at the sight and you lick your lips, praying that it lives up to your expectations.

You give him a few slow strokes of your nails up him and one of his hands reaching up to push a few stray strands of hair form your face.

He groans when you finally wrap your slender fingers around his shaft, thumb wiping the leaking tip of his swollen mushroom head. It throbbed a pretty shade of pink, much like his lips, after you pressed a delicate kiss to the top.

“So, so good to me, angel,” are the words that leave his lips when you lick your own before dipping your head to lick up the underside. You offered a devilish smile and lowered your hot mouth onto his throbbing length slowly, wanting to savour every second and push Jaehyun to his limit.

You hum in agreeance to his statement, sending a shiver up his spine and eliciting a moan from him, his hands quickly tangling themselves in your loose hair as he makes a make-shift ponytail to keep your hair out of your face.

Once your jaw has adjusted to the burn of his girth, he helps you bob your head up and down, curling the ponytail around one hand and using that as leverage. Flattening your tongue, you press it to the underneath of his length. You experiment with seeing how much you can take as it’s been a long time since you’ve been intimate with someone like this. One of your manicured hands reaches down to tickle his balls – a trick Hyejin had taught you the last time you were having one of those conversations – and he all but thrusts up into your throat, making you clench your legs and rub them together for some friction as your eyes close tight, forcing tears to run down your face.

“Oh fuck, I don’t think I can ah-” he lifts you off of his dick and brings your mouth to his, pressing hard against your own.

You’re flushed from his abrupt actions but that doesn’t stop you from stripping yourself of your leggings when he practically begs you to. Unsure what he wants next, you fiddle until he instructs you, “Those too,” he gestures to your panties. They weren’t grand but, had you not been about to get it on with possibly the hottest and most caring man you’ve come across, you would’ve been embarrassed about him seeing them in any normal situation.

Once they’re discarded, he stands, shimmys out of his sweats and pants and brings you close to him and guides a leg to wrap around his waist, rock hard dick pressed between your two sweaty bodies.

He kisses you hard, a clash on tongue and teeth; it’s one of the messiest kisses you had ever been on the receiving end of but ultimately still one of the best you’ve been able to experience, and lowers the two of you onto the sofa.

Again, you’re perched on your heels. He breaks the kiss, looking between your bodies to align himself with your entrance. “I’m sorry, angel,” he mutters against the column of your throat.

“Wha-”

He waits no longer before slipping himself into your core impossibly easily, as he sets a killer pace.

Squealing, you let your head fall onto his shoulder as you try your best to thrust down as much as he thrusts up into you but it was proving difficult as he suckled sweetly on the juncture where your neck and shoulder met – sending your senses into overdrive.

“S-so tight,” he breathes out, trickles of sweat forming in his hairline. One of the few brain cells you have working tells you the clench on his next thrust, only making him moan louder than before. In response, he ups the pace, setting his sights on destroying your sweet pussy.

Knowing full-well that he hadn’t tasted your arousal like he had originally intended, he brings his finger to dance across your clit, stimulating the bundle of nerves until you were whining, hips stuttering as your vision hazes, unsure of how to control yourself. Still unable to match his deadly pace, you settle on tensing your legs and hovering above him where he pounds upwards, the sound of skin hitting skin echoing around the room.

You knew that by the time he was going to be finished, your ass was going to be tainted red from where his balls were slapping your underside as he pounds into you.

“Jaehyun,” you barely manage to breathe out, “fu… fuck.” Not what you were going for so you give it another try, “Jae… kiss.”

His eyes linger on your disheveled features. You open your eyes and look down at him, worried that he hadn’t heard you. His eyes meet yours; you pout, “Kiss me, p-ah–” one particularly strong thrust ignites inside you, the tell-tale sign of your orgasm about to snap through you; halts your half-hearted attempt at riding him.

He captures your lips with his, nibbling on your lip before licking it as if to heal it. His fingers are still rubbing tiny circles in your clit that send you over the edge and into complete euphoria, spine arching.

Within milliseconds, your vision is blurring and eyes unfocus, switching for white dots across your line of sight to pair with the white hot pleasure ripping through your core. “Ah,” you whine, “oh... Jae-Jaehyun,” your voice breaks, not being able to comprehend the possibility of more thanone thing happening at once.

As you clamp down on him unintentionally, he groans, unable to hold back any longer and empties his load inside your trembling pussy, cursing as he does.

Moments pass before he can bring himself to say anything, “You’re so perfect, angel. So pretty and perfect.”

You lift your head to look at him. At his fucked-out face you melt into him, swety bodies gradually becoming one and sliding off of his softening cock so you can wrap your arms around his neck and nuzzle closer to him. He brings his arms around your waist, pressing his face into the crook of your neck and breathing sharply through his nose.

“You’re so good to me. Can’t remember the last time someone fucked me that good,” you whisper against the shell of his ear. You have one hand raking your fingers through his hair. You breathe out a laugh as he shivers at the feeling.

Knowing that was probably an ego boost enough, you press a languid kiss to the side of his mouth, not really paying much attention to where your lips landed. Continuing to pepper him with kisses, he stirs slightly, not wanting all of this attention to go to waste.

“Hey, c’mere,” he says, holding you from your waist before slowly lowering you onto the sofa beside him so your back is flat.

You’re barely holding it together, Jaehyun’s cum trickling down the side of your leg from your sore hole. He pushes your legs apart, one falls haphazardly off of the sofa and the other is pressed between his side and the back of the sofa. He doesn’t care, though, bringing two fingers up to meet your quivering core.

“What are you doi – ah!”

A lazy grin spreads across Jaehyun’s face, his fingers now covered in yours and his essence as he stuffs it back into you. The overstimulation makes you quiver but he was determined about making you suffer. “So pretty with my cum stuffed inside you, angel, so pretty.”

By now, you’re convinced he’s drunk but you don’t put it past yourself to consider yourself just as drunk on him as he is on you. You squirm, not wanting him to continue as his fingers repeat their actions. “O-oh, too much,” you whimper, “sore, so fucking sore baby.”

You knew you probably could’ve handled a little more but he obliges, not wanting to scare you away (as if that was even possible) and finishes by pushing his fingers past your lips, coaxing you to lick them clean.

Gladly, you do as he was silently suggesting.

He groans, his dick twitching but he ignores it, knowing you’re still healing and by the state of you currently, you probably weren’t up for another round. Instead, he picks you up bridal style and takes you to the bathroom, feet wobbling a few times on the way before getting to the bathroom.

“Gotta clean up, angel.”

You mumble, putting your legs to use and absently moving to switch the shower head on, soaking both of you in the stall. The water is freezing but you make no complaints, wanting to settle the heat radiating from your body. Jaehyun says nothing too. He just helps you clean yourself as you’re making a half-hearted effort – this makes him chuckle.

Twenty minutes later, the both of you are laying on his bed (the one he gave up for you), snuggled into each other.

For the first time in a long time, you slept in the crook on an arm where you felt safe, possibly loved (that would have to be addressed another time).

While you lay, breathing slowly as you listen to his heartbeat, Jaehyun has his head propped up with one arm and his other arm rests on your side, t-shirt that he had lent you riding up on the side, fingers running up and down as he takes in the feel of your smooth skin under his fingertips.

Jaehyun was smitten.

a/n: hi hello. how, uh, how was it? feel free to leave me some feedback or pop in my ask box. you’re all my angels. i just like posting to post sometimes but interaction is p darn cool too. lyl <3

i follow from @00solarsmiles​

previous

copyright © 2021, 01solarsmiles on tumblr. please don’t repost or translate.

net: @neowritingsnet

[emilythefern]

extra measures.

tw for heavy discussion of Neil’s su*c*de attempt

.

.

.

The play at Henley Hall felt like an eternity ago, even that it had been a mere day. Neil store in the same place he stood the day before, alight with nerves and excitement. The only thing he felt now was pain.

“Todd?” He gently called to his roommate, who was sitting on his bed, head buried in a book. Neil supposed Todd hadn’t noticed him walk in.

Todd shot up like a bird on a wire, dropping the book on the ground. He looked like he’d seen a ghost.

“Neil?” He walked over slowly, as if in a trance. Like he was expecting to wake up any second now. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” He looked at the floor, tapping his palms together as he tended to do when he was figuring out puzzles, piecing facts together.

“I’m here.” He wanted to hug Todd, but gave him space. He could see the gears turning in his brain, trying to make sense of the situation.

“I thought you would-“

No point in hiding the truth. “I almost did.” Todd let out a little gasp, even though Neil had only confirmed his suspicions. Todd was as white as a sheet with wide eyes. Neil guided him back down onto the bed, where Todd put his hands in his head. He went to leave, to give Todd space, but he grabbed his arm as he stood up.

“Stay, please.” Though it was a phrased as a question, it was more of a plea.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He sat back down, and wrapped his arms around Todd.

“You’ve got to keep that promise, Neil. I don’t know what I’d do if you- If you…”

Todd was sobbing into Neil’s shoulder, and he held his roommate tight as he cried inconsolably.

“I won’t leave you Todd.” He was in no position to make promises of any kind. But he made one anyway, for Todd’s sake.

- - - -

As Todd worked away on his history assignment, he let out a sigh of frustration. Neil looked up from his novel.

“Is everything ok?”

Todd whipped his head around at the sound of Neil’s voice. “Yeah, yeah. Everything’s fine. I just left my textbook in the classroom.”

Neil looked sympathetic. “You could go fetch it now.”

“It’s fine.”

“If you need it, go get it!”

“No, I’m fine without it”

“Todd, you clearly need it. Just go grab it!”

“And leave you here?” Todd had stood up, and seemed angry. “It’s fine. I don’t need it.”

“I could go get it if you’re not up for getting it…”

“I’m not leaving you on your own anywhere Neil! Stuff the textbook!”

“I’M FINE.” Neil was yelling now, stood up from his seat too. “I HAVE BEEN. YOU CAN LEAVE ME ALONE IN A ROOM FOR FIVE MINUTES.”

Todd’s eyes welled up with tears, and Neil regretted yelling. His roommate was too sensitive for it.

“I noticed you were having a bad day.” His voice was shaky and trembling. “You told Charlie it was a good day and he believed you, but it was bad on a scale of good-bad. Your father called you this morning, which you were expecting, because your kept checking your phone. It was definitely him because he has a slightly lower tone than your other contacts when it rings. Then you cried in the bathroom for twenty minutes. I waited outside, you know. To make sure you didn’t do ‘it’. Then you walked past a freshman class discussing Chekhov’s gun, and you got that funny look on your face, so I send over Charlie to distract you. And you’re annoyed with me, because I’m psychoanalysing your every move, and you just want some space.” He took a deep gasping breath. “I know you think everyone’s against you, but I’m trying so hard to work with you because I don’t want to lose you. I cant just leave you to go get my textbook, because if I can’t see you, for even a second, my brain tells me ‘that’s it, it’s all your fault. He’s dead and you could’ve stopped it.’ And I know you just want to forget it ever happened and deal with it on your own, but I’m part of this too.”

Neil took a breath. “Thank you for noticing. And you’re right, I can’t deal with this on my own.”

“You don’t need to.”

“I know.”

“Are you ok now?”

Not in the slightest. “Kind of.”

“You’re lying. But I kind of want to believe it.”

@inahallucination @exilesblack @maisietheweltoncow @aaronhoetchner @aedan-mills @deadpoetsbythelakes @tuskofthyme @justarandompjofan @make-ur-lives-extraordinary