#like peppino would explode i think

[unexpectedbrickattack]

short king and his shorter kings

[pizzaheadtv]

pizza tower psychonauts au...

[manicplank]

One more before I go to bed.

Alcohol tolerance headcanons (and how they act) (tiny suggestive warning for one of them)

Peppino: This one I see a lot, but he is definitely a lightweight. Doesn't drink much mostly because he doesn't like the taste. Only takes a few drinks for him to get wasted. He probably had a few drinks in before he was kicking Gus and The Noise in the cover for the OST. He becomes super fun when drunk. Dancing, singing, laughing; you'll see a side of Peppino you never knew existed.

Gustavo: A medium-weight. Doesn't drink often and doesn't drink too much at parties. He gets loose when he's drunk but not to the same degree as Peppino. Cracks a lot of jokes that make no sense. Gets lovey. Wants hugs, tells people how much he loves them and how beautiful they are. Once made Peppino cry after he told him how much he meant to him. The whole "you're my best friend" schpeel.

Mr. Stick: A medium-weight. Prefers wine. Turns into a person instead of a penny pinching seagull. Will open up and have decent conversations. He talks about fun times he had, be it in childhood or college. He'll actually talk your ear off. Talks about why he got into finances. Talks about money, that's inevitable. Not much of a party animal. Enjoys watching the others make themselves look stupid.

Pepperman: HEAVYWEIGHT. He can drink ANYONE under the table except John. Can drink all night and never be TOO drunk. Lets loose. That artsy fartsy narcissist persona disappears. He still talks about art, just not as much. Laughs a lot. Will listen to what you have to say instead of talking over you.

The Vigilante: Somewhere between lightweight and medium-weight. It only takes a few shots of whiskey for him to be off his ass drunk. Trips over his own boots. Laughs a lot, slurs his words. "Sspose to be... Thissws spose to be funn. Whys is, whys is nobody country line dancing? Ss not a party wifout line danssin." His drunk laugh probably sounds like Seth Rogan's.

The Noise: Medium-weight. Can handle most of his liquor. He usually gets giddy and silly. Wants to dance, joke around, probably might light something on fire. Would end up doing drunk karaoke just to be unusually good at it. Doesn't know his limits. Thinks he can handle more than he can, gets blackout drunk and pukes. He likes to run away and be a little shit. He also gets really affectionate when drunk. Wants hugs and kisses and snuggles. Sometimes even gets a little uh... TOO affectionate if you catch my drift. Likes to be dared to do dumb shit. "You guys think I could kick this gas pump hard enough so it'll explode? I'm gonna fuckin do it."

Noisette: Medium-weight. Likes mimosas... Likes mimosas A LOT. Bottomless brunch is her weakness. Gets super bubbly and giggly when drunk. Will laugh at anything. You could point at a pebble, and she'd bust out laughing. As much shit as she gives Noise for getting too drunk, she has also been in his shoes the same amount of times. They take turns on who gets to get drunk and who gets to be the babysitter. Knows her limits. Might suddenly start crying about anything. Would cry because she felt bad for laughing at that pebble earlier. "BUT WHAT IF IT MADE THE PEBBLE SAAAAD."

Fake Peppino: NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK. NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK. NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK. NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK. NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK. NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK. NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK. Took a sip of Pizzahead's wine once. Was an unstoppable force of energy. Got too silly. Many casualties and thousands of dollars worth of damage. All because of ONE sip. NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK.

Pizzaface: Simply doesn't drink. Watches everybody act like idiots. He's the one who pointed at the pebble. "Noisette, look at that pebble." (insert Noisette laughing hysterically)

Pizzahead: HEAVYWEIGHT. Had a drinking contest with Pepperman once; lost. Pouted and didn't talk to Pepperman for like a month. Can drink like 10 drinks before he's actually drunk. Can drink 10 more before he's DRUNK. Turns into even more of a party animal than he already is. Dancing, singing, screaming. When they're both drunk, he and The Noise are BEST FRIENDS. They go hand-in-hand to create the world's craziest party. Probably dances like a whore and gets yelled at for it. Then he dances normal.

Pillar John: Another HEAVYWEIGHT. Can drink more than Pepperman. It takes enough alcohol to kill a small elephant to get John drunk. He doesn't even drink often, he's just like that. Likes to dance and joke around. Usually wins at beer pong. Gets a lot like Gustavo and starts talking about how much he loves everyone except for Pizzahead.

Gerome: Doesn't drink. Sober bro, but still knows how to have a good time. Will stop John from drinking too much or doing something stupid while drunk. He keeps an eye on John, everyone else is on their own.

[sauce-machine]

Perfect

My first Pizza Tower fic, and first fic in ten years. (Angst, Yelling, Mentions of abuse.)

“Are you-a serious?! Again?!” Peppino shouts so loudly one would think the walls of the pizzeria were shaking. It was loud enough for the rats in the back alley to scurry away, for Gustavo and Brick to fully turn their attention to the kitchen, and for his clone to slither backwards into a corner in fear.

Since the tower fell almost three months ago, the beings that inhabited that tower went to live in other places. Some integrated into the wild, others had families to fall back on. But not all of them.

Peppino’s clone would skulk around outside of the restaurant during hours, sometimes trying to get in, other times digging for food in the trash. At the mere suggestion that they take in the clone, Peppino would sputter and throw a fit. He wanted NOTHING to do with that clone.

That’s what he would say, until Gustavo finally wore him down.

The clone would only help with odd jobs in the back for some food, nothing more. It would stay in the back where customers wouldn’t be able to see it.

For the most part, his clone was pretty good at being told what to do. Sweep the floors, take out the trash, clean the bathrooms, fold the pizza boxes. It made things easier around the kitchen.

But every so often, his clone would get too ambitious. Accidentally knocking over orders, spilling sauce, minor mistakes in the eyes of the everyday working man.

But Peppino was a workaholic, with a temper that could explode at any given moment. And when his clone happened to drop an order flat on the floor, these were one of those moments.

“Fucking hell! The moment I turn my back to you, you mess-a everything up! What the hell are we going to do with you?!” Peppino shouts at it. His face is red and sweaty, not too far from his usual state.

Gustavo comes running in. “What happened?! Is everyone-a okay?” Gustavo asks. He immediately sees the pie face down on the floor. “I see, I see. Peppino, just-a give me the order and I’ll remake it-a.” Gustavo said softly. His eyes wander over to the clone cowering in the corner. It was almost a pile of mush at this point.

Peppino glares at Gustavo. “Gus! It shouldn’t even-a had the pie in its hands! If this thing would just listen to me--” Peppino argues.

“I think you’re being-a too hard on him. Look, Peppino..” Gustavo says as he softly gestures to the clone in the corner.

The mushy pile that is Fake Peppino gurgles a few things. “...Yrros..Yrros.. ...yrros m'I…” It says.

Peppino shakes his head. “No, enough is enough! I’ve-a had it! I want this thing OUT!!!” Peppino yells from the back of his throat, pointing sharply at the clone.

As soon as he does point, the clone jumps up and screams. It’s much more rattling and sharp than Peppino’s yell, and even more inhuman. It spreads its limbs out, holding itself up in the corner of the room. It lets out a hiss at Peppino as it jump’s into the air ducts.

Peppino sighs, but gives himself a weary smile. He claps his hands together. “Well! It-a seems to have-a gotten the message. Now, to fix that order..” Peppino says.

“Are you really going to-a let it suffer like that?” Gustavo asks.

Peppino rolls his eyes. Gustavo is his closest friend, in fact, many creatures and people consider Gustavo to be their close friend. He has a knack for befriending the weird, creepy, unsettling, and unnatural. And also Mr. Stick.

“That thing can’t-a suffer. It has no heart.” Peppino says.

“Oh, really? What makes you-a think that?” Gustavo asks.

“Because it wants to-a be me! I bet that moment I close my eyes tonight-a, it’ll sneak into my apartment and slit-a my throat!” Peppino loudly exclaims, making a knife cutting motion across his neck.

“It’s been-a months now! Don’t you think it would have already-a tried to do that?” Gustavo asks. He begins to clean up the mess on the floor, Brick slinks in to help.

“Maybe it’s-a waiting for the right moment. When I’m alone and don’t-a expect it.” Peppino mutters as he carefully places the toppings on the pizza.

Gustavo places a few dirty rags in a bucket of water, finishing up with the cleaning. “Oh, well, I hope you’re not-a too afraid.” Gusatvo says.

“I’ve-a got the gun upstairs.” Peppino says.

“And why do you-a have the gun upstairs?” Gusatvo asks.

Peppino hated that question. Gusatvo knew the answer, why even bother asking it? He keeps it upstairs in case…

Because…

He just…

Peppino chose not to answer, and instead, just kept working.

The rest of the day was quiet. A few more customers coming in and out, nothing special. Closing time has come yet again. Another day, another dollar, until the rent is due. Again.

“Have a good night, Peppino.” Gustavo says while riding Brick out.

Brick does not squeak a goodbye. How odd.

Peppino waves them off. He has to count the earnings from today, then, he can finally go to bed and forget about this nonsense day.

DING!

Cash register is open.

“One, two, three, four, five…” Peppino begins counting.

Drip….Drip.…Drip….Drip.…Drip….

Where was that dripping coming from? Is it a leak? Better not be, just another damn bill to pay..

“Six, seven, eight, nine, ten…” Peppino continues to count.

Drip….Drip.…Drip….Drip.…Drip….

The sound is…getting closer? What if.. No it can’t be. That thing ran off, but still…

Peppino looks around for the source of the dripping. He doesn’t have to look long or hard at all, as he sees flesh colored ooze dripping from the air duct above him, and a single eye looking down at him.

“EEEEEYYYYAAAAAHHHOOOUGH!!!”

“!!!HGUOOOHHHAAAAAYYYYEEEEE”

The two of them scream. Peppino feels his heart shoot up in his throat. His entire chest beating like a drum, wanting to escape.

The clone immediately drops from the air duct and onto the floor, where it tries to run away, but instead backs itself into a corner.

“You!!” Peppino shouts. “You almost-a gave me a heart attack!”

The clone melts into a little pile of flesh again, gurgling apologies.

Peppino approaches the mass of flesh. “What-a the hell is the big idea, scaring me like that?!” He can really feel his anger rising now. “Am I going to have to beat-a some sense into you?! Is that it?!” Peppino yells at the clone.

His clone stops shuddering for a moment, it regains its usual shape. Tall, disproportionate, googly eyes, pink cheeks, all that it was missing was its goofy smile.

The clone’s hand reaches back to the kitchen, searching around for something. Peppino is left completely in the dark. “What-a are you-?”

CLANK!

The clone drops a knife in front of Peppino.

He stares at it.

“What it…Why?” Peppino asks.

“.tnemhsinuP” Utters the clone. It nudges the knife closer to Peppino with its foot. “.tnemhsinuP” it repeats.

“You’re-a going to punish me?! For what?!” Peppino hollers.

The clone winces and shakes its head. “.tnemhsinup yM. tnemhsinup yM.” It gestures towards itself with one arm, and sticks out the other one as if it’s waiting for something to happen.

Silence fills the pizzeria, an uncomfortable and heavy one. Peppino had no idea what the clone was getting at, but he didn’t want to say anything. For once, he was analyzing the situation before him instead of just acting upon it.

Until finally, he spoke. “You want-a me to-a punish you? Why?” Peppino asks.

“.azzip depporD..” The clone gurgles sadly.

“But why would-a that--”

“.tnemhsinup sa tuo hself ym fo stib tuc dluow daehazziP .rewot eht ni pu ssem dluow I nehW.” said the clone. Its eyes stared directly into Peppino’s, despite them always being a bit lopsided.

The clone steps closer.

"...pu ssem dluow I revenehw os ,tcefrep eb ot em detnaw eH .uoy fo enolc a ot teg dluoc eh tsesolc eht saw I" said the clone.

".pohC" It bubbled.

“Pohcpohcpohcpohcpohcpohcpohcpohcpohcpohcpohcpohcpohcpohcpohcp̸̰͉̯̲͈̒̈́͂̀́̈́͋̈́ơ̴̱͔̭̤͛̅̈́͒͒h̶̛̟̞̲͖͔̙̝̯͓͙̣͔̝͔̝̋͐̈́̆̅c̵̲͔͋̈́̿̀̆͌͘̕͝͝p̶̨̡͉̃̑̏̐͑̐̔ͅo̴̜̻̗͉̖̱͙͆̂̂̃̾͌͋̽͂̏͂̕͝h̵̢̙̜̻͕̕c̶̢͈̰̮̦̘̖͍̑̚p̴̝͕̠͈̭͔͈͖͚͖̩̟̓̍̀̈̍̕o̵̲͊͂̏͑h̸̞͇͓̘̞̲̿̂̅̚͝͝ç̴̐͛̃͛̄̂̂̌̂̃̑̚͝͠p̷̡͕͚̞͚̬̻̣̝͉̝̰͍̤̈́o̴̧̞͉̙̳͔̜̲͍̩̺͂͛́̿̅́͂͐̀̿̈́̏͜ḩ̷̼̣̺͍̾́̇̀̀͐c̶̹̮̆̄͗̓̑̃͘ͅp̴̨̧̥̬͇̪̫̰̬̗̰̫̝̜͝o̶͎̳͉̲̎̅͆̊͐̔̀͘̕͝ḧ̴̛̟͉̯̝͕̝́̎̉͒̓̆̾̓̆̆̅͝͠͠č̵̩̿͂͊̏̐̈́͝p̶͉̑̔̎̃͑͛̍̀̈́͑̓̀͛̚͝o̴̧̭̪̤̟͉͖̪͚̹͖̞͇̒̈́̊͆̃͜͠h̷͇̩͇̟̗̤͎͍̬̐̋͊͐̌̒̽͊̾͛͌̔̔͘ç̸̧̺̫̹̲̠̝͍̩͌̐̆̈́̉̈́…” The clone kept repeating itself over and over until even it just kept repeating a garbled mess of backwards words and cries. It melts again into the floor, but the arm is still up at Peppino.

Disturbed. Peppino always felt a bit disturbed at the sight of his clone. But this time, he didn’t feel it towards the fake, but instead himself.

What the hell did Pizzahead do to this thing? All it does is act like a weird dog, sniffing things, occasionally eating restaurant equipment and the odd rat. His clone didn’t deserve that, nobody did.

Peppino looks down at his clone’s hand, and takes it. His clones shudders, morphing and changing against its will in a fit of unbridled anxiety and fear. This thing is just like him..

This thing is him..

It acts like him, it mimics his speech patterns, it even cooks like him. Which makes Peppino wonder if his clone suffers the same way he does?

“Mio dio… When the hell did I become-a so heartless?” Peppino sighs as he gingerly puts his other hand over his clone’s. “I’m not gonna hurt you, compango.”

“?ognapmoC” his clone uttered softly.

Peppino kicks away the knife between the two of them and sits down. “Now, I don’t-a know what-a Pizzahead did to you in-a that tower. I almost-a don’t want to know… But rest assured, I will never-a do that to you, capeesh?” Peppino says. He explains it sternly, like a father talking to his kid.

His clone slowly regains his form, building up from the pile of flesh it once was.

“I’m not-a exactly used to having you here yet. If I’m-a being honest, you still kinda freak me out. But, I’m-a sorry for yelling. I’ve let-a my anger go unchecked when it comes to you. You didn’t ask to be brought into this-a world, so why should you be punished for it?” Peppino says.

He notices his clone poking at his hand. Peppino takes it and gives it a firm but loving squeeze. “I’ll be more-a patient with you from now on.” Peppino says.

For the first time in what feels like a while, his clone smiles again. It was that moment, Peppino learned to appreciate his clone’s big dopey smile.

[cosmica-galaxy]

You know, madcom self oware au is great but do you wanna know another hyperfixation id like to see develop in a similar fashion, Pizza Tower, hear me out (warning, i never played the game)

Either Peppino would be put off by the sudden feeling of warmth and airiness as he enters the tower or he would be too stressed to think on it too hard and just brush it off as a side effect of the tower. Perhaps a bit of both but eventually he gets used to it the further he gets through the tower, even calming some of his anxiety when he feels like he's about to explode. Whenever he's in a tight spot and his fight or flight response suddenly turns to freeze there's always something pushing him onward out of danger. Like it's holding his hand, guiding him.

The further he goes the more apparent it becomes to him that that warmness he's feeling isn't normal. Whenever he gets hurt a significant amount of times he swears he could hear someone swear, he later blames it on his adrenaline and moves on. It wasn't till he reached his look alike's abandoned restaurant, incoherent scribbles on the walls, he didn't pay them much heed, something he regrets but he had a mission to accomplish. Though someone did put a temporary stopper in that, him, or rather a version of him. It screeches upon seeing him, crawling and scratching the walls as it ran straight towards him at a speed that matched his own, taken by surprise Peppino coldent doge in time as it lunged at him. Though against all odds he did not feel its teeth clamp down on his exposed neck it just locked itself around him… Menacingly, slurred speech spilled from his doppelganger's mouth, one word being persistently used than others. Peppino in his tired haze tried deciphering it, and when he did a chill went down his spine. It didn't want to kill him, no, it wanted to get closer to the warmth.

It all made sense now although this thing, or whatever they were, controlling him didn't seem to have any bad intentions, it's proved itself to be trustworthy seemingly keeping his well being into account. Though the thought of there being an alternate motive was still on the table, what could you want? Eh, otherwise he sees no reason to fear it, though he is a bit embarrassed, the prospect that someone was watching him made him shrink in on himself a bit, he doesn't like being watched, especially by something that he can't see.

…

He's running, running for his life again for the hundredth time this afternoon, down the winding stairs of the tower with every of its residents trailing behind him, the structure crumbling all around them as they make their exit. The moment his feet made contact with the obnoxiously green grass he could feel the warmth fleat oway from his body. It was like having ice cold water dunked on you, the sudan change forced him to his knees.

...

He couldn't get that warmth out of his head, the longer he thought about it the more sentimental he became, something or someone out there seeking to help him made him joyfull. There aren't many that will give out their services without gaining something in return, something he's very familiar with. Part of him wishes he could feel that reassuring warmth again, but maby it was for the better. What were you, would he want to know… Although he will never cross whatever you are again he will forever know you as…

The ghost of Pizza Tower

…

Until the sequel comes out :Pizza Tower two, the search for more money:

*PUTS THIS ASK IN MY MOUTH AND SHAKES IT AROUND EVERYWHERE* YES!! YES TO ALL OF THIS!!! I can imagine how Peppino must've felt throughout the whole tower. He was primarily alone, I mean he had Gustavo and such with him throughout most of his Journey, but he was still facing up the big bads all by himself. But that warmth is constantly with him all the way through the tower. It tells him where to go, what to do, how to find something, and imagine if the Player was very good at the game. Like this wasn't their first rodeo. Peppino is so confused at how the "feelings" he gets are nearly almost always right. There WAS a secret here, there IS a topping here, ect. It gets to the point that he starts to listen to the Player's inputs almost automatically. Once they are up halfway through the tower, Peppino fully trusts what this otherworldly force is and allows it to guide him through the tower. The bosses are practically nothing to Peppino, I mean he may get hit once or twice, but the overall battle is a total breeze. Still, Peppino is wondering if the warmth has something to do with the presence of the being. His theory is confirmed when he gets to the freezer level, in which he's cold, but not freezing or frozen like Gustavo is during Pizza Time. He's literally in a t-shirt, tank top, and pants with black shoes. How is he staying so warm? It HAD to be the entity that he can't see that's following him around everywhere. Then during the final battle, his adrenaline is maxed to the fullest limit while the being is with him every step of the way during the fight. The heat surrounding him repels the rain and fuels his desire to pummel his rivals into dust. If he had to say something else, he could swear he would periodically hear a voice from somewhere cheering him on to kick their asses. To which he obliges. Once it's all said and done and the tower collapses, and Peppino suddenly finds a chill resting on his shoulders that he can't seem to shake. Hours, if not days, after the tower falls...Peppino is persistently thinking about what happened in the tower and what that entity was. Why did it help him and why was it so...warm? Why is everything now suddenly so much colder without them? Were they attached to the tower and once it collapsed they just...simply cease to be? Did they help him even though they knew it would result in their own demise? Peppino feels a feeling similar to grief or sorrow as the more he thinks about it, the more he feels horrible knowing that something out there cared enough about him to "die" to protect his way of life. Maybe he should visit the ruins of the tower sometime...maybe if he's lucky...they're still in the rubble somewhere. Then he'll get to feel that warmth again. -- This AU is inspired by the original Madcom Self Aware AU by Saltymongoose here on tumblr! Go check it out if you like madcom or self aware concepts!

[noisester]

@thebananwithaplan: "You think you're REAL funny, huh?" Oh. Dancing Banana jumpscare. "First you tried to ruin myshow many times, and now all of a sudden you decided to copy MY show, and also copy a lot of MY show's gimmicks? You don't even look good in an ORANGE BOWTIE!!" He's going to assume that this Noise is probably the one behind this blatant 'infringement' that he can't even fully act on because he'd be a hypocrite in everybody's eyes. Chat, he doesn't know...

...Huh, lots of commotion in NTV today.

If the Dancing Banana were to walk closer, he'd find a group of Noiseys staring up at a large TV in the corner as if in a state of blankness, while the remaining ones were hastily pressing buttons left and right. Bossing around was of course The Noise, who... looks like he's about to explode? His cape and whiskers are dramatically frazzled as his gloved fists clench from what appeared to be some short dude in a costume putting Peppino's co-worker through the wringer. You'd think Noise would revel at the sight of Walter; the man who made Noisette upset; suffering, but-- no. There were no ounces of joy in that smile of his, shockingly.

Who was that? What WAS that thing? This guy was going out of his way to snatch his name AND his TV signals-- D. Did Pizzahead make a clone of him? That couldn't be it, right? Although Noise often joked about being his favourite employee, that miserable clown made it abundantly clear he wouldn't be making clones of him anytime soon after all the blatant disrespect the hellion threw at him-- doesn't help that the doppelganger had no traces of goop anywhere, either...

His thoughts were immediately cut short by the storming banana (odd phrase to type out of context). The thing about these sorts of interactions is that were meant to be comedic. Like, haha, the yellow hosts are fighting. You could hear a faint crack from Noise's neck as he turned his head 180 degrees to confront the banana.

"I AM real funny though, thank you very much."

...Long pause. Despite the quick quip, that toothy smile on his face is twitching at its sides... I don't think he's having a silly goofy time, gu--

"OPEN YOUR EYES, DUMBASS. I AIN'T AIRING, AND THAT FRAUD ON-SCREEN AIN'T ME!" He literally hollers at him. "HOWSABOUT YOU GET YER PRIORITIES STRAIGHT INSTEAD OF CRYING OVER YOUR TV SHOW, WOAG?"

[pizzatowerconfessions]

(Based off that recent ask sorry if this is long)

Things I want to do to every pizza tower character that I can think of

Peppino: buy the whole world for him and hug him and swing him around and give him a peck

Gustavo: same for peppino

Brick: buy him loads of cheese and also play around with him

Mr.Stick: steal your hat to reveal your bald head

Gerome: hug you and carry you with me everywhere

Pillar John: feed you pizza and give u 20 hats

Pepperman: make art with you and hug him very tight and give him a peck

Vigilante: I want to hold him up in the sky and spin around with him and squish him

The Noise: I'm carrying you like a cat and keeping my distance since you might kill me

Noisette: I'd give you a tip and would like to hang out and also carry you around and hug you

Fake peppino: I'll squish you

Snotty: I'm sorry for killing you it was on accident

Pizza face: play with your mustache

Pizza head: hug you tightly that you might explode

.

[imagination-confusion]

Noisette: What do you think Noise will do for a distraction?

Peppino: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

Building explodes and several car alarms go off

Peppino: … or they could do that.

[unexpectedbrickattack]

I bet Gustavo knows how’s exactly small he is and uses his charms and adorableness to get tips , and it’d work

Peppino pays Gus very well (esp after postgame) so theres no need to have tips. He lets Gus have the jar there anyway, but at the cost of having Pep occasionally come up behind him and catch him conning these poor customers

[unexpectedbrickattack]

I don't know how to properly word this, but. Peppino stole my heart and the way you draw him gives the impression of "If he hugged or held me I would feel so so safe and happy past the fact he would be very clammy". Thank you.

This is so CUTE thank YOU

[unexpectedbrickattack]

I just love the fact that flattery is the best way to get peppino to blush

Heehee

[unexpectedbrickattack]

What do you think is the huggability score of our main characters + Brick out of 10?

Putting this under a readmore bc this is some EXTREME Research happening here

Peppino: 6/10. Hes short and hes fat and warm and soft so theoretically he SHOULD be a solid 10/10. But he sweats easily and i think physical contact would make him explode so hes shakes like a leaf the entire time. He will not return the hug well but he WILL make an attempt. If you catch him at a good time, hes got the perfect hugs. But maybe bring a napkin or two.

Pepperman: 1/10. Hes too gotdam big. He would love to be able to hug properly but hes very. Wide. And if he does manage to hug you properly, you will end up directly inbetween his eyes and unnervingly close to his teeth. This is also assuming he Wants to hug people; hes got better things to do. Like sculpt and draw and do rich people things like vacationing on a yacht or gaslighting poor people. (The actual pepperman portrait for the boss fight is very cute looking and i give that a 7/10 just bc i can. Hes got a lil painters apron; the whole fit makes him look huggable)

Vigilante: 3/10. It depends on your tolerance for odd textures. Hes just cheese. Hes cheese! Hes a bit sticky; he never leaves residue but the stickiness can be a bit offputting. Hes remarkably dense, so hugging him would be like hugging a memory foam mattress; wonderful pressure pushing against u but again. The texture… He would be a good weighted blanket; thats not a hug but do what you will with this information

The Noise: 7/10. He is small 🥺 Assuming the hug is earnest and Not a ploy to lower your guard, you are just hugging a Small Person. And we (small people) give the best hugs you can possibly have. But only if you let us hug around ur neck and not the midsection; he (we) cant wrap our arms around that. Points deducted bc the noise is just a menace and hed use a hug as an opportunity to chuck a potion of Explode Your House and then ur house Explodes.

Fake Peppino: 10/10. He can change shape and density at will; whatever you look for in a hug, he can do it. Light? Hes as delicate as a flower. Tight? Coiled like a snake. Dont like the goopy texture? For the time it takes to make this hug happen; the texture is Gone. This man Loves Hugs and with practice, has learned to give the Best hugs. As long as u dont mind his face and the odd way his skin seems to warp and bend in front of you.

Pizzahead: 2/10. TECHNICALLY capable of good hugs. Tall, long arms, friendly disposition. Massive point reduction bc hes doing one armed hugs to try and befriend you so he can sell you on this pyramid scheme he just Knows ur going to knock right out of the ballpark. Weaponized Hugs. Put him in Jail.

Gustavo: 9/10. Hes a gnome. Hes hairy and short and he always ALWAYS goes for the arms around the neck bc hes like 3’ tall. He is strong and so all hugs are tighter than you expect them to be and that can be good or bad depending on ur preference. He is also Small and Compact so hes very warm :) Solid hugs :)

Brick: 5/10. VERY pet-able!!! Imagine a rat but just Big. Hes SOFT and hes got Luscious Fur and wonderful little rat hands. But hugs are either 10/10 (rat owners dream) or 1/10 (texture hell). Hugs can be suffocating. Brick does Typical Rat Movements which includes snuffling your head very rapidly. Whiskers tickle. Rat Hands tickle. Brick MAY nibble at your head (beware). You wont be able to wrap your arms around this beast which may be a dealbreaker to some. But assume that this rat both Loves and Craves little huggles, so he is always an eager hugger :)

Noisette: 10/10. All the positives of Noise but without possible mischievous intent. She may fall asleep in your arms since she will be forced to stay still for longer than 2 seconds. Its endearing though.

Gerome: 7/10. Hes like Clay to me, like a block of playdoh. Tough enough to keep his shape, but soft enough that it doesnt Hurt to hug him. Hes not very soft or comfortable BUT hes got Intent behind his hugs. Hed only hug someone if they needed to be comforted and hes Very good at that. Very solid and grounding hugs if youre willing to hug a Block.

Snotty: 3/10. Smelly. So fucking smelly. Ranked higher than Pizzahead just to spite that twink.

[unexpectedbrickattack]

I love the thought of...Peppino being absolutely Livid but still a Very down to Earth guy. And that even though he's angry, anxious and desperate he still grabbed/saved as many people as possible when the tower fell and I think that says a lot about him tbh, love this man I would eat at his restaurant-

I saw a comment on some reupload of the final rush out the tower and it was like ‘you can interpret it two ways and i love them both. 1) as much of a hassle as they gave him, the bosses were kinda like hired muscle to stop peppino from getting to the end. They dont really have any issues with him personally and he doesnt think theyre Bad people. He still makes sure everyone gets out okay. Or 2) this man FUCKED them up, they saw EACH OTHER get fucked up, and if theres anyone who can tear through this building fast enough to escape, its this guy’ and i think about that soooo much its so funny

Obv the game mechanics make it so that Peppino simply walks over them to pick them up; you cant mess w gameplay, and honestly keeping the speed up for each character pickup made everything flow so well.

But!

I do like to think that he was actually panicking trying to find everyone. He didnt know the fucking tower would COLLAPSE he just wanted the fucking Pizzeria Explode Beam to be gone !!! And now everyone is trapped!!! When i played that last level i LITERALLY was like (wide eyed) OKAY WAIT I REMEMBER THIS. THE GNOME LEVEL like i was trying extra hard to remember where i was so i could determine how close i was to the bottom AND who else was left. I like to imagine peppino doing the same; hes running and looking for everyone he remembered bumping into earlier bc he doesnt want them to get trapped in the rubble 😭 like YEAH they made my life fucking hell but they dont need to like. Die for it 😭

[unexpectedbrickattack]

talks about my own damn post in your inbox i guess but i think a good part of the bros' trusting peppino is like. pizzahead can so easily buy out or win over basically anyone who stands against him and peppino is like the ONE guy they knew for sure that wasn't gonna happen with. he might not have cared/known about their plight, but he also didn't seem to have any ulterior motives that would make their lives more hell if he got the treasures, so that was...really as much as they could ask for given the circumstances

I like the idea of this 🤔 Like maybe there were other people theyve seen immediately take the money, like randos but also some of the bosses. So their only hope was someone who wasnt going to be talked or bribed into leaving this tower alone. I can see ph still trying to buy his way into peppinos restaurant, even towards the end…like ouuuh…fat and rude italian man…i dont HAVE to explode this shop, i can just buy it 🥺🥺🥺 please let me buy it 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 pwease…..🥺 and peppino is so fucking determined to just smash everything into oblivion that that simply isnt an acceptable offer. Get ur ass beat. That is the only acceptable offer. And u know what? John will definitely put the small amount of faith he has in this man bc of it.