#like okay look at my life choices
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Life is too short.
[ my art ] [ twitter ]
(detail + ratio rambling under the cut >_>)
This is one of those "I need a break between my ten other illustrations, let me do a lil sketchy sketch :D" that got too ambitious etc. etc. I never want to see the color red again" moments. BUT!
I really, really like to explore Ratio's viscerality and what's happening between his brain and his nerves, like... all of this thorough control and discipline and he still has to breathe and react to himself and his surroundings, you know? His accomplishments are insane for "his age"* but he's going to run out of "age" at some point! His ambitions are so far reaching that he's not worried about getting doctorate degree Number Nine! Rather, his efforts are pointed outwards, into the universe, for the universe. As you know.
Speaking of his degrees, I had a half thought a while ago that we've seen him with two types of laurel pins.
One is him in his suuuuuper cute mother goose avatar (three leaves) and the other is the hat he's wearing everywhere else (eight leaves).
The thought was, "Aww, what if they're like commemorative pins counting the number of his degrees or whatever :)". Literally only because there's eight in the current one. This is kind of silly because then you'd HAVE to have an obscene number of degrees even for a normal person for your leaf pin to start looking like a laurel in the first place so scratch that BUT it's cute to think that it's still academic regalia. Something something I work in higher ed myself and it's like... it's like that.
The university goldsmith appreciates the job security.
I REMEMBER WHY I BROUGHT THAT UP. FOLLOWING the fantasy where more leaves = more knowledge!, in summary, even though Ratio seems to be a little beyond trying to get a prize every time he learns something now. But he does want to Keep Going. He can only Keep Going.
So I drew him in a bathtub full of an uncountable amount of gold leaves looking at the camera with an indescribable expression born from a hunger that will never be satiated lol DETAIL SHOT!
*Referenced only vaguely in a comment in the context of astonishment, but it could have easily have been "woah he's accomplished so much for his age (young)" as it could be "woah he looks good for his age (older)". There is no canon age and even then, reconciling standardized system time versus planetary time versus "does his particular breed of lizard human have the same lifespan as tumblr user nhura?" is a losing game for everyone involved! Here's what I think: I think he started going grey in his early twenties, whatever that means in spacefantasygame, and that that's very cute on him.
Do YOU think Ratio would be tempted by immortality???? Or would he MIND HIS BUSINESS
#dr ratio#dr. ratio#hsr fanart#veritas ratio#hsr#my art#SORRY FOR THE INSANE COLOR CHOICE I feel bad posting this in ratio circles because normal ratio art is pleasing on the eye.#blue and gold and white. some ivory. tan sometimes. like fresh air on a brisk day#not piss christ is what i'm saying#in my defense his eyes look like that anyway so this is actually Topical.#I want to talk about Ratio's self image and relationship to his own flesh but that's for another day. unless you ask me niceys#my art: hsr#honkai star rail#holding up a sign that says I LIKE THAT RATIO'S PHYSICAL BODY IS BOTH A CONTINUOUS PROJECT AND LABOR OF PERFECTION WHILST BEARING THE CONSE#THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS EXTRAORDINARY LIFE#PART 3: why does ratio not have an art degree? it's simpler than you think.#okay i'm done BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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fake psychic Tim but its just. its just psych. Jason dies and batman goes off the deep end so Tim (instead of becoming robin) starts going ham on the 'tips to the police' bc if the police can deal with the smaller crimes then Tim doesn't have to worry about batman killing a petty thief.
Except he's running himself into the ground and he starts getting sloppy bc he's giving the local police info, and bludhaven info (bc dick) AND probably giving Nightwing info when he can and someone catches him or he leaves a paper trail and then Officer Dick Grayson apprehends him and takes him in for questioning and Tim is like "you can't talk to me without my parents or a lawyer present, I'm a minor. And my parents are in Guatemala, so you better call my lawyer."
and Dick is like "kid you're not in trouble i just need to know who's giving you this information." Because there is NO WAY this kid isn't working with someone. Someone who is using a child to drop off information, which while noble to help the police, is putting this child in danger and tim is like, pretty offended actually. That it's being implied that he COULDN'T do this himself.
So he's like "im not working for anyone."
and Dick is like "you have to be getting the info from somewhere. I just wanna help."
and Tim is like AUGH ADULTS "I just- i figured it out on my own" and its CLEAR that Dick doesn't believe him which is, first off, super insulting, never meet your heroes, and second he shouldn't be talking anyway or admit that he goes out at night or Dick will do something stupid like try to make him stop. So he's like (rolling eyes) "I'm psychic. Are you happy? Can I have my phone call now?"
#batman#tim drake#Cue Dick ALMOST not buying it but he's like 'okay kid'#if you're psychic prove it.#And Tim is like oh he thought i was serious??? Uh#“you're favorite animal is a bat.“ And Dick looks at him confused but then sorta pales a little and is like ”... what.”#and tim is like “and you really like nighttime... walks.”#And Dick like turns off the recording and is like “kid what are you saying to me”#and Tim is like “I know you're Nightwing. The ... spirits told me.”#and honestly it's more believable that a 12 year old kid is psychic than that he figured out who Nightwing was on his own#ted talks#anyways lots of fun hijinks can ensue. Tim is technically a security rick and even though dick REALLY doesn't wanna talk to bruce#he should tell him about this... psychic child#Which can just be more questions and Tim answering them and is like#if i wasn't psychic how would i know this.#and Bruce.... doesn't know. So they have no choice but to believe him#psych tim au#also including: bruce being like “.... can you tell my son (jason) i love him?”#tim would actually be pretty good on the field with moments notice observations#he's been trained his whole life to read people at parties and know what they want from him and what they mean#regular people are MUCH easier to read than the elite who say everything backhanded and all have like poised masks of perfection#raye was telling me their psychic tim au and i was like 'ok but what if just psych'#catch us out here both writing separate fake psychic tim aus
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Friendly stranger in the library who has flagged me down and left his study cubicle to talk to me: How do you read so many books? I'm struggling to finish this one book and I want to work up to that many someday.
Me, with my armload full of children's and YA fantasy and novel-in-verse that I chose because they were short/easy-to-read/had lots of pictures: Um....
#I SWEAR! MOST OF THIS IS COVERS AND WHITE SPACE!#lovely young man who left me utterly mortified#i fled the library immediately#AND THEN WHEN I WAS COMING DOWN THE STAIRS!#ANOTHER RANDOM STRANGER!#COMMENTED THAT I WAS GOING TO BE READING A LOT!#NO ONE EVER TALKS TO ME IN THIS LIBRARY WHAT IS HAPPENING??#look people i have been building up a reading list#and i'm trying to explore a new genre#i left about half of the things on my list behind#i should have told them that i finish maybe half but more like a quarter of what i check out from the library#but maybe that's balanced out by the stuff i read in ebook/my own personal stash#now i'm rethinking all my life choices and finding this equal parts hilarious and mortifying okay bye
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"The supposedly sealed memories of a miniature garden"
#dgm#d.gray-man#alma karma#kanda yuu#okay im going to word vomit my concept abt this apologies in advance#anyw ik Wisely gives the opportunity to mind-read/access memories like we see in the 3rd exorcist arc#but i think Road wldve been another interesting choice. i rlly like the concept of dream n its used a lot in that arc#we see a lot fo Kanda's original life within his dreams and illusions which is Road's specialty#just like constructing this false reality idk I've talked abt the idea of Kanda being put to sleep many times before but never properly#inspection style like idk maybe they still look like kids running in this like. perfect place that illusion of the word that Alma read abou#Allen waddling through a lake's worth of lotus with Road instead of the labs!#idk...........some parts are so deep he falls in and those r pockets of memories u know bc i still want that#and the deeper and closer he gets the water gets murky and red#u know bc im cool and love cheesy symbolism#I want Allen to bargain with Alma and Alma to just be like. sweet and charming and laugh it off until Allen gets to the root of the problem#WAIT U KNOW IN LIKE SAILOR MOON WHEN THE SCOUTS DIE (that is not a spoiler i promise) and they're wrapped in thorns?#I wanna draw that w Kanda....deep under the water#but he has to want to wake up from that dream. I'm playing off the fact that Allen had to punch him to snap him outta it#anyway....im done its okay
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my rook is so funny. extremely boring normal ex criminal who joined the wardens in his 30s to avoid going to prison. feels no alliance to his faction at all but is a little freak who enjoys taking orders so he does well. meets varric who instantly projects act 1 marcus onto him for no real reason other than they're both kind of assertive guys he has to work with and wants to fuck. has no idea who marcus is and assumes "hawke" is a recent ex varric isn't over. enters a weird situationship with him because hooking up with a weird older dwarf is more fun than being a warden. suddenly finds himself in charge at the lighthouse and starts acting like an old grizzled commander even though he and neve are like the same age. kind of wants to die so he doesn't care about anything that's happening but he'll see it through until the end because that's his Job.
#veilguard spoilers#minor. but i dont want to get yelled at.#the choices theyve made for a lot of rook's characterisation is wild so he HAS to be a freak#he and harding must be close in age. why did her personal quest feel like he was a middle aged dad chaperoning a#teenager from life is strange#to be clear he and varric didnt fuck. varric got scared.#he gave him a MIRROR? . extremely funny with the trans option bc in my head it went down like. varric has recently#Found out marcus is trans and was struggling with it a lot when they first met (which is why he was Like That a lot) and has a million#terrible flashbacks to all the jokes he made when they were bantering that were actually probably really hurtful#(marcus doesnt remember or care)#so when he finds out rook is trans and struggling with it which is why he's Like That he panics and gives him a gay ass mirror#and is like 'to remind you of who you are :) a man in the maker's eyes' and rook is like (looking at varric's tits) “😐👍🏻 okay.”
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The way people sometimes refuse to acknowledge that writing choices that clearly go against established canon should mean something is endlessly frustrating to me. We don't have to agree on the interpretation, but these writing choices SHOULD mean something.
Otherwise, it's shitty writing.
#'the ga wouldn't even notice'#'the character doesn't seem to mind'#'you're reading too much into things'#no actually the fact that so many people think writing doesn't have to involve any stylistic or thematic choices to build meaning#and that writers just do stuff and as long as the character doesn't say anything it couldn't possibly mean anything is absurd#like y'all can pick up any classic piece of literature and think the writing just manifested on the page#and nothing is any deeper than some author saying what happened to a character like the character's just recounting real-life events#and that nothing really means anything except exactly what is said outright or some shit#but that's not how good writing works#in any form of media#and if the blatant contradictions are not being addressed then maybe the writing is shitty actually#and also even IF something wasn't intended to mean anything by the author directly doesn't mean that no meaningful connotations exist#for the audience like jesus christ y'all#i get enough of this bullshit from my students i don't need it in fandom too#let people analyze things and dig into them and spec and 'look too deeply' it's fun#and also it's okay if someone has a different interpretation than you and wants to talk about the possibilities behind that interpretation#or about other possible interpretations#it is not hurting you to see someone 'read too much into something' let people have their opinions#without trying to shut down everything you disagree with goddamn#anyway#911 discourse#fandom negativity#and actually i do think it's mostly shitty writing at this point#but that doesn't make it not mean anything that it's shitty writing actually#and it shouldn't be viewed as some awful character flaw for someone to point out why certain choices don't make sense#and to talk about what they would like to see addressed because of that
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a man forced to suffer the skittle shenanigans of this team
#bombastic side eye#i love mikksy half of the time can find a camera to stare into#or just eyes the zest with so much judgement#“no luosty you may have made a it looks bigger joke that does not mean you get a free pass to stare at my eyes”#“no ekky scf means we cant do the bumpy ritual like we're supposed stop being a freak about it”#“so it wasnt enough to do a shoey each with lundy we have to share a sandal with luosty? okay”#“why must i be punsihed for being intro-ed first why did these chucklefucks have to sit next to me”#“i finally make it stateside and this is what i get greeted with...”#you can tell hes slowly regretting all his life choices thats lead him here#this is what happens when your 2 boyfriends sign with another team and leave mikksy alone with only 1 boyfie#he suffers
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let it be known…. bestie!sukuna does a killer winged eyeliner
#sharp enough to cut a man and that’s his goal i just know he does the meanest winged eyeliner for you in class#you hand him the pen w/o saying a word and he’s immediately grabbing the back of your head to steady you#if suguru sees that he’s like What Thw Fuck Is going onnimm gonna be Sick#firmly believe that reader & everyone in school has a mini crush on sukuna#i say mini bc he is so fucking sexy but the moment he opens his mouth you’re like damn… i regret all my life choices why’s he yelling at me#anyways. reader is the only one who can tolerate sukuna and vice versa <3 reader is friendly so everyone loves them#but like. BEST FRIEND wise? it’s sukie & reader til death does them part 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼 i love them so much idk why their dynamic makes me so happy#okay i’m just talking to myself in the tags rn hmmm how do i want him to look#pink hair + black undercut OBVIOUSLY. face tatts/body tatts OBVIOUSLY.#ear piercings + helix + industrials + eyebrow piercing + nose piercing + snake bites + tongue piercing OBVIOUSLY#he’d also wear reading glasses. FKN nerd 😹😹😹 i have 20/20 vision i can’t relate 🤭🤭🤭#immaculately dressed & insanely intelligent you can call sukuna a lot of things but you can’t call him ugly or dumb#i think he’d have reader’s birth flower tattooed on him too just as a nod to how much he loves/cares for them <3#where should he work… maybe at the same tattoo shop as suguru? yeah maybe that could work#sukie’ll be a piercer while sugu is a tattooist yeah that checks out#maybe they’re in the same frat? yeah that could work part 2#okay YAY cool i’m glad i’m fleshing him out :3#snippets#personal
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wow. they weren't lying that 19 portland mayoral candidates sure can underwhelming
#i'm reading my voters' pamphlet prepared to mark down anyone who seems vaguely okay so i can look up more about them#but i get to the end and i hadn't marked down a single one??#for city council (which granted had 30 candidates instead of 19) i marked down 10 people initially and whittled it down to 6#(we can vote for our top 6 choices! baby's first ranked choice voting)#but for mayor i just kept being like well surely there's someone better than this...and then i was at the end. lol.#there's one guy who was just like 'the mayor is a figurehead. vote for me and i'll stay out of the way'#which i thought was hilarious at first but actually. he kind of has a point??#two local newspapers have endorsed a guy who is naive enough to think he can 'end unsheltered homelessness in a year'#like no. you can't. are you stupid#i just want rene gonzalez to lose but also it occurred to me...if he loses does that mean he keeps his seat on council?#because i think that position actually has more power than the mayor#but if my city elects rene gonzalez as mayor i think i might just lose all faith in my neighbors#despite how everyone slowed down to avoid splashing me that time the street flooded the other day#every time i see a rene gonzalez lawn sign in my neighborhood i want to scream and scream and scream#there's no reason to support him unless you just straight up hate homeless people. like he's not even competent or personable#his whole deal is just making life hard for homeless people#the other thing about the 'end unsheltered homelessness' guy (keith wilson) is#you can't end unsheltered homelessness without banning camping. and i am vehemently opposed to a camping ban. it's inhumane#which helps a lot in weeding out candidates since it's a pretty mainstream thing for a politician to run on#two people are running basically on 'make the city better for artists' which is imo a weird focus given everything else we got going on#like that's admirable and important but it's not my number one priority?#but i might rank them anyway because as far as i can tell at least they don't hate homeless people!
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Maybe I'm just cursed 🤪
#trigger warning for everything that follows in these tags btw#i am in need of some venting into the void#so im gonna vent#so uh#im almost out of time to find a new job before i have to leave my flat and move back with my parents#in the past 27 days ive filled in 189 job applications#6 of those led to interviews#so far 5 of those have been rejections#i even started looking at jobs that paid way less than i can feasibly live on just so i could at least cover rent and stay here but no luck#anyway thats already sucky#and then ive had to go off my adhd meds because of continuous and annoying fuck ups with my drs and im hesitant to work to fix it cause#might be moving counties anyway lol#my depression is the worst its ever been in about two years i struggle to want to exist day in and day out and#this morning i found out my dog - my baby who i dont live with because i moved cities - he lives with my parents#we found out he has an agressive cancer - and i have to now make choices i dont feel ready to make#and im just#do you ever feel like youre already one the ground but life wont stop kicking you#and i feel#so lonely#my friends are doing everything right my cousin who i live with is always checking in on me and i am still#convincing myself i am being a burden i am the problem i#my whole life is collapsing and i#even writing this all out in tags my brain is yelling at me for being an 'attention seeker' or smth and idk#i just wanna#idk#its complicated ig#im fighting#i am fighting so hard#i just want ppl to know im doing my best thats all#anyone who read all of this - hi - i hope youre having a beautiful day. its all going to be okay in the end 💛
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I’m watching the good doctor and I’m like “hell yeah Bates Motel man, bad that he’s not autistic but good acting and stupid weird doctor show shit,” and then they’ll say something about autism and I’m like “oh no you talked to the wrongggg people.”
#There’s multiple instances of “you can’t control yourself because of your autism” but also “you should be able to control yourself!!”#Like there was an autistic guy who was very high needs and he has light sensitivity#He was inspired by the good doctor™️ and after his surgery his dad was like “let me get the lights”#But then hesitated and asked first and the son was like “it’s okay”#Like idk if you know this but overstimulation from light and sound and other stimulus is suh-uper not a choice#Or something you just character arc out of.#They have the doctor in the middle of a shooting and he melts down and doesn’t cooperate because he’s overwhelmed#And the guy shoots one of the patrons and Shaun gets blamed and the father figure in his life#Is just trying to get him to open up about the trauma but he also says he thinks he should have been able to get control of himself#And I wanted to scream#I’m hoping there’s a change but I gotta look into the behind the scenes#Because i bet my left butt cheek autism speaks probably pops up because Hollywood loves to use them without any background checking#Despite them being a hate group
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the sinus headaches are already not great but Extra Shit has been added to the pile and im just sat on that right now trying to figure out what the fuck to do
#ive uh not processed it yet and it also wont really shake out for a little while now i guess but .. yeah#long story short my friends who ive been A Trio with since we were 11 might be done with each other#theres a LOT of additional factors but theyre splitting a house share so one can go live with a boyfriend#and in the process it sounds like theyve made a lot of selfish choices for some unknown reason#ngl theyve pissed me off a little bit for being so weird and reclusive since theyve had the boyfriend as well but only with us#its ... yeah i dont know what alls happened because i dont live with them#but i just cant fathom how they got to this point quibbling over the contents of their shared house of 5 years#over a boyfriend whos been around for 2 or 3 years ..... to ruin a friendship of 18 years ????#again i dont know the whole story but i trust what the friend whos still good at talking to us to not lie about them being screwed around#i just dont get it at all how to reconcile what ive been told with who ive known over half my life#theyve felt off .. or wrong for a while now tbh ... i miss them#i havent seen the other one since before may ...#the thought that mightve been the last time we all hang out is kind of killling me inside lol#and it was also pretty weird and stilted again because it was very boyfriend-centric#this always happens to me lol ive lost count of all my school friend groups who end up basically fighting over me after they fall out#its a MAJOR trauma point for me and i thought we kind of grew past that but i guess i was wrong#ive been catching myself with a weepy eye or a single sob all day#i dont know what to do i wanna know what the fuck happened and what was worth doing this for#i wanna confront everyone and ask for a fucking explanation as to why my single life solid bedrock is falling apart#i mostly wanna dig a hole and die in it ... im fine im safe but im bothered by like ...#what a total fool ill look like if i just melt down at work ... i might find the mental health first aiders list and write an email lol#im like not okay cksbdkssj fucking hell#i have some hope but its ... its hard out here#i need to go to bed fuck#id dont neeeeed thiiiiisss im gonna choke on life agaaaiiinnn#the battle to keep my shit together enough to at least not self-sabotage ??? its testing my patience#rory's ramblings
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Fuck it, we're joyblogging now, went to the beach for a few hours and swam for the first time in literal years, walked along the shore a bunch, and now I'm gonna make Japanese curry for dinner with some vegetables I pre-chopped + some chicken, and might watch some eva while I have my curry
#i feel like it's all gonna be okay and that's the important part#i want to try to head out like this at least once a week + cook and prep a real meal at least once a week too#i think this'll help me feel a lot better in addition to re-prioritizing how i handle my job#the store's almost closed and i feel okay about the new one I'm going to#i need to put myself first in my life and kinda had to realize that collective small moments are the way i wanna go#i wanted a sort of perfection but am lowering the bar to something achievable#look!! I'm making healthy choices!! i want to sustain these!! i wanna look forward to really cooking and swimming and watching sunsets!!#shai speaks
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this is going to be my hypmic self insert profile LMAO
#this is vee speaking#my bestie is jyushi but thanks to the profile setting my second best friend will be juto lmao#it is absolutely disgusting that i’m a cop tho lol so i’m glad if i have to be it’s one in yokohama#tho what exactly could i be doing that warranted a rivalry out of rosho lol#like i probably babysat jyushi but that would mean i lived in nagoya…….. oooh or!!!#jyushi’s family takes regular vacations to osaka where i live and babysit him when he comes over#and rosho and i are rivals who fought for high school prestige and after graduation became punk kids and it was annoyingly similar LOL#he became a teacher and i became a cop (🤢) after life threw fastballs and curveballs at us#and as a cop in yokohama i am juto’s glorified secretary LOL but i prefer following people which juto’s fine taking advantage of#and i’m okay with being used like that since i prefer taking orders lol (basis of ✨character development✨ lmao)#and violet seven stop is the song detailing the life choices that made me a fcKING COP JFC UGH 🤮🤮🤮#and the orange cat is one that looks strangely red in certain lighting kicks up a fuss if he’s not with me so i take him everywhere)#(and i may find jyushi’s leader endearing because he reminds me of my cat LOL)
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#job's been sucking life out life out of me and it's getting harder and harder to go there and do the amount#of work that you know you're getting very underpaid for but you have no choice at the moment too so. 🥴🥴🥴#i hate this job at this point i can not imagine how people work their whole life on one job they hate they are so strong in every way#meanwhile my mental health is crumbling each shift i take haah 🙃#it wasn't good to begin with but my anxiety now is just a whole new level#i NEED to record on my phone the moment i lock the entry doors at the end of my shift#and i try to memorize the sound of the key turning in the keyhole as if video record isn't enough#i feel like my ocd is resurfacing badly i thought i had it more or less under control before i took the job#how wrong i was 😭😭😭#i just want to snuggle in bed and not leave the house for at least a week or two just to revitalize my social battery and will to#interact with people irl 🤡#okay one good moment tho there was a girl so beautiful today 🥺 that i couldn't keep it to myself and said to her how beautiful she was 🙈#and she said i was too 😭 i legit felt so shy to look at her that pretty she was and she had a cool neck tattoo 😳🥺#moments like these help me get through the day 😭#tbd
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i do need people to stop saying jess sexually assaulted rory if you wanna say ATTEMPTED i'll let you have it even though that's really not what happened but he did not actually assault her
#gilmore girls#so gross to me honestly when people don't bat an eye at some of the other things that happen on that show#yet will say that scene was an actual assault like yes it is a bad scene but it is not to that level#and omg they also said he left her three times like no he left her once. if you count season 2 that was not entirely by choice#and season 4 like. well whether you're looking at 4x13 or 4x21 he's leaving a person he already hasn't been around for months#doesn't really count as the same kind of abandonment lol#and 4x21 she basically told him to leave hello#i gotta stop looking at ig comments but that wasn't even a post about them!!#also saw someone on that same post say luke was controlling LIKE GIRL WHAT#of all the men on that show#you could argue him being like that wrt chris but literally their conversation is#'i'm never gonna be okay with christopher in your life' 'i'm always gonna have christopher in my life'#the end like it hurts him but he never tells her she can't see him lmao
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