#like of course you like it bitch you worry it FOR YOU
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WE'RE JUST FRIENDS! — SHOKO IEIRI
SYNOPSIS...since high school you and shoko have been known to be two peas in a pod, the bestest of friends but only you two know what happens behind closed doors
INFO...shoko x fem!reader, top!shoko, phone sex(?), vibrators, fingering, oral (reader!receiving), hidden relationship, praise, sweet ending, not proofread
OTHER...likes and reblogs are appreciated
Since high school you and Shoko were always known as the two girls around jujutsu high. Dare I say, you were the female version of Gojo and Geto. You and Shoko instantly clicked, always joking and laughing, messing around with Geto and Gojo just for the fun of it. Sometimes, you two would sneak around behind the school to share a cigarette. It wasn’t until both of you graduated that you ended up finding her attractive. She grew her hair out longer, started embracing her role in the jujutsu society and you’d always steal glances from her.
The accidental hand touching as she breezed past you, the little smirks she’d give you across the room when a higher up was yapping her ear off. It was until about 4 years of yearning that both of you finally caught the hint. Well, you caught the hint. Shoko always had a thing for you, at least that’s what you found out when she was knuckles deep in your pussy.
“I’ve always liked you, y/n.” She smiled against your skin, pressing a kiss to your cheek. Her fingers massaged your g-spot as she whispered in your ear. “I was starting to think that maybe you didn’t like me back, you know? But now look at you,” she chuckled, turning her gaze toward your sopping pussy.
One hookup led to two and then another and then another. You and Shoko became absolutely addicted to each other. It got to the point where you couldn’t even make yourself cum if you weren’t thinking about her. Sometimes you’d even call her late hours in the night just to hear her voice, asking her to help you cum.
“You’re so close aren’t you, baby?” She cooed. “You need my help, huh? Yeah?” She smiled to herself as she heard you whimper out her name. “Facetime me, I wanna watch.” In just mere second you were facetiming her while she sat at her desk going over some stupid paper work that she couldn’t care less about right now. “Look at how fucking wet you are because of me. Go ahead and keep rubbing your clit. Get right on the fucking edge.”
Each time, you came so hard just because of her. You wanted more and more each time, wanted to show her how much you needed her right there with you.
Each time you, her, Geto, and Gojo hung out, it was almost like nothing ever happened. The boys never became suspicious of anything because you and Shoko kept treating each other like you have all those past years. Like friends. Talking about the latest fashion, that new movie with the controversial actor, complaining about your job, things that friends would normally talk about.
But later on, you’d drive to the middle of an empty field, too eager to make it back to the house, her mouth around your nipples, licking, sucking and biting while you moaned and whimpered like a bitch in heat. “You looked so pretty in this skirt today.” She smile up at you, pecking your lips.
“I wore it for you,” you muttered between moans.
“Yeah? How thoughtful of you to give me easy access to this pretty pussy.” She sloppily kissed between your breasts and down your stomach while her fingertips pulled at the hem of your panties.
“Sho, what if someone catches us out—mmmph—here!” You sit up on your elbows, breathing heavily as she tosses your panties on the car floor and pushes your skirt up. She completely ignores your question, laying her tongue flat on your clit. “Oh fuckkk.” And suddenly all your worries went away.
Recently, all the jujustu sorcerers and anyone involved in the jujustu society were invited to a party. Of course you had to go and everyone else as well despite you lacking the energy to stand around and talk to people you didn’t know all day.
When you arrived, you hung out with your usual group. People you went to high school with. Geto, Gojo, Nanami, Haibara, Utahime, and of course Shoko. You damn near choked on your drink when she walked through the doors. Her makeup looked like it prepared by the gods and her dress hugged her figure so good it felt like your eyes were about to pop out of your head if your stared too long.
Shoko could say the same about you, the color you were wearing complimented your skin tone perfectly and gloss that made your lips shine under the light had her wanting to kiss and bite them right then and there. “Hey guys!” She simply greeted.
Hours went by already, boredom plaguing your mind as you watched Geto and Gojo act a fool on the dance floor, drunk out of there minds. Nanami had snuck out early, which you can’t blame him for. Haibara was chatting it up with Utahime in a corner for seemed like an hour now and that only left you and Shoko.
“Having fun?” She leaned towards you, sipping from her glass.
“No. My feet are killing me and this dress is too damn tight.” You shifted in the fabric, gripping your champagne glass tighter. You could feel her eyes rake over your entire body, but dare didn’t turn in her direction.
“Your ass looks great by the way. Maybe I’ll help you get out that dress later tonight?” She raised a brow, waiting for a response.
“Shoko, hush!” You looked around the room to see if anyone had heard which made her laugh.
“Who gives a fuck if anyone hears. Two girls fucking, so what? People need to get with the times.” She shook her head. “They’re missing out.” A sigh left her lips.
“What are you saying?” A smirked tugged at the corner of your lips as you leaned against the bar.
“I’m saying, you’re great in bed, hot stuff. We’ve been having sex for what…? 2 years now?” She reached into her clutch, pulling out a cigarette and a lighter. “Wanna smoke?” She nodded her head in the direction of the balcony.
“Fuck it.” You two both walked outside, the music playing over the speakers began fading, replaced with the annoying sounds of crickets and the occasional owl hooting somewhere in the trees. She lit the cigarette, taking the first drag before handing it over to you.
“So how long are we gonna keep up this ‘just friends’ act, huh?” She asked, watching you blow out the excess smoke. “We’re nearly together every day, fucking every week, if not every day.” She grabs the cigarette from between your fingers.
“Are you saying you wanna date me, Ieri Shoko?” You tease, smiling at her. “The Ieiri Shoko wants to date someone? I thought you didn’t like labels?”
“Oh fuck off,” she laughed, waving her hand at you. “Yeah, yeah, I said what I said, but can a girl not change her mind?” She turned to look at you, her eyes boring into yours as she put out the cigarette, tossing it. You looked away nervously, smiling down at the floor. “How about we say fuck this party and go back to mine, huh? Maybe it’ll help you think of an answer.”
As soon as you and Shoko made it to her apartment, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. She messily kissed you, hastily pulling down the straps of your dress while kicking her heels off and tossing her clutch to the floor. “I want you so fucking bad, all of the time,” she said between kisses.
Within minutes you were on her bed, sitting between her legs as she had a vibrator pressed to your pussy, her other hand twisting and pulling at your hard nipples. “Fuckkk, Shoko!” You gasped, legs twitching as the waves of pleasure shooting through your body. “I’m gonna fucking cum!” You moan.
She rubbed the vibrator up and down your clit, massaging it into your poor, sensitive pussy. “Getting desperate, baby?” She craned her neck down, her lips connecting with yours, kissing you with such fervor. You grinded your hips into the vibrator, moaning into her mouth as you felt your orgasm approaching quickly. She pulled away from the kiss, spit connecting to both of your lips as she stared into your eyes with such lust and desire. “You cumming? Yeah? Yeah, there you go let it out. Yes!” She smiled, lifting her head to watch how your body writhed above her and your heavenly moans bounced off the walls of her bedroom.
She turned off the vibrator, tossing it to the side. Her fingers grazed over your pussy, tapping it lightly, hearing your wetness as you begged to be fucked. “God, you’re so fucking beautiful.” She kissed down your neck, teasing your entrance with her fingers, pushing them in and out slowly.
“You’re such a fucking tease,” you breathy chuckle.
“Oh, yeah? I can show you a tease.” She began reaching into her beside drawer.
“No, no! I was kidding!” You laugh, pulling her arm back. “Come here.” You gather strength to sit upright, facing towards her. Her cheeks are tinted pink and her skin was glowing under the light. “I think you’re beautiful too.” You cup her face in your hands.
“Getting all sappy on me now?” She pulled you onto her lap so you were straddling her.
“Shut up.” You roll your eyes, smiling as you leaned into the kiss. This time it wasn’t rushed or sloppy. You felt every moment, every movement, and every thought. Shoko deepened the kiss, pulling you closer against her chest, hugging you tighter. Your tongues moved against each other slowly, biting and sucking on her bottom lip before pulling away. “I like doing this with you.”
“Yeah?” She asked, you nod in return. “Does that mean what I think it means?” She dragged her index finger along your jaw.
“If we’re talking about the same thing, then yes—mmph!” She kissed you again with so much force, your back hit the plush comforter beneath you.
“I’m even more turned on knowing you’re mine now. Fuck me,” she said in disbelief.
“Well who said we had to stop?” You bite your lip, sitting up on your elbows. Shoko stared at you for few seconds and without saying a word, her hands gravitated to your thighs, spreading them apart, wasting zero time in putting her face in your pussy. A small gasp escapes your throat when she gently kisses your clit, the tip of her tongue rolling it in circles. “God, Sho!” You fall back on the bed, stuck in the blissful headspace.
The flat of her tongue works its way through your soppy folds, licking up your juices and tasting them on her tongue. She watches the way your face contorts in pleasure, your hands reaching up to play with your tits, pulling at your taut nipples. She sucks on your clit for little, earning a high pitched moan from you, smirking at your reaction. She knows how sensitive it still must be.
“Pussy tastes so good, baby. Mmm,” she moans, slurping on your clit and your folds, spitting directly onto your cunt before licking it back up again.
“Yes, yes, just like that!” You nod, biting down on your lip as you watch the way she eats your pussy like a pro. “Feels so fucking good.” Your toes curl as you hook your hands under your legs, pulling them back farther. “Yes, fuck!” Your eyes roll back when she pulls back the hood your clit, exposing it which made all the more difference.
“Play with those pretty tits for me, baby.” She lifts her head to catch her breath, her lips and chin coated in your slick. She looks so fucking good it makes you even more wet. You reach your hand up once more, cupping your breast and pulling at your nipple while she watches with a smile. “Good girl.” He her hot tongue swirls around your swollen clit once more, messily eating your pussy cause that’s how she knows you like it.
“I’m so close, baby, right fucking there, Sho.” Your jaw drops open, your hand finding home in her hair, pushing her face in deeper. “Shit, shit! Yes, I’m so fucking close!” You gasp, rutting your hips against her face like a bitch in heat. Shoko hums in amusement, looking up at you, making direct eye contact, wanting to watch you cum on her tongue. “I’m cumming! I’m cumming!” Your legs shake uncontrollably, grabbing a fistful of her hair tighter as you come undone. Your back into the mattress, still coming down from your orgasm. “Oh fuck,” you breathe.
Shoko finally lifts her head, pleased with herself, the biggest smile on her face. “You still alive, hot stuff?” She hovers over you.
“Barely.” You murmur, looking at her through your hazy state. “How do you always make me cum that hard?” You groaned, chest heaving up and down.
“Um, I have my ways.” She jokes, falling beside you. She softly kisses your shoulder. “Need some water or something?” She asks softly.
“Not right now. I can’t even think straight.” You flip over, facing her.
“I made you cum so hard I rewired your brain? That’s new.” She said with a hint of sarcasm. You playfully shoved her shoulder. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” She pulled you in close to her. “So does this mean—”
“That we get to tell Geto and Gojo. Yes. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were also dating each other.” You furrowed your brows at the thought of it.
“You’re oddly right. Gojo was damn near twerking on Geto earlier.” Shoko stared up at the ceiling, running her fingers over your skin.
“Wait, really?!” You asked with sudden surprise.
“You didn’t see? Geto got real close behind Gojo. One inch more and boom! Contact.” Shoko nodded, trying to hold in her laugh.
You couldn’t help but burst into laughter at the thought of Gojo twerking especially on Geto. “Oh my gosh! Just imagine Gojo throwing it back for Geto!” You cackled, Shoko laughing in return.
“Oh no! Do not put that image in my mind!” She cringed, clenching her eyes shut.
“Maybe Geto slips him a twenty for a lap dance. You never know,” you roll over laughing, barely able to breathe.
“Oh my goodness! Shut up!” Shoko covers her mouth, pushing you away from her. “Stop! I can’t!”
“Okay, okay,” you breathe heavily, scooting closer to her again. “I’ll stop.” You rest your head on her shoulder again.
She kisses the top of your head. “I love this. I’ll never get tired of it. The laughs, the sex, your warmth, your smile. You.”You sit up to look at her with a complex expression. “What?”
“Since when did you get all poetic with your words? I guess the sex must’ve rewired your brain too—” Shoko rolls her eyes at your words, covering your mouth with her hand.
“I try to be all lovey dovey and this is what I get? Sickening.”
#—☆classyrbf#jjk#jjk x reader#jujustu kaisen#jjk smut#shoko x reader#shoko smut#shoko x reader smut#shoko ieiri smut#shoko ieiri x reader#shoko ieiri x reader smut#jjk x reader smut#jjk shoko#shoko ieiri smut oneshot#shoko ieiri oneshot
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Abel Son of Adam and Lucifer
Back in the days of Eden when Lilith was convincing Eve to eat the Forbidden Fruit, Lucifer was making love to Adam. Even though Lilith lied and said that Adam was trying to control her, they were both happy to see each other. Adam told Lucifer that Eve was pregnant with his child and how he wanted to be pregnant with Lucifer’s child. Lucifer agreed to what Adam wanted and made love to him. He decided that he would stay in Eden with Adam and Lilith could go or stay if she desired. But Lilith was caught and told the angels that Lucifer convinced Eve to eat the Forbidden Fruit. Lucifer was banished with Lilith to Hell and Adam left Eden when they banished Eve from it saying that he would help her create humanity. Eve gave birth to Cain and Adam gave birth to Abel. Thousands of years later it was believed that Adam was killed in Hell, but he became a fallen angel. Lucifer was shocked to get a phone call from Rosie.
Lucifer: Hello.
Rosie: You may want to come to Cannibal Town right now.
Lucifer: Why?
Rosie: You know how many of my cannibals cleaned the battlefield? Well a certain angel was taken from the battlefield and woke up before his body was butchered.
Lucifer: Adam is alive?
Rosie: Yes and he is a fallen angel now.
Lucifer hung up his phone and sprouted his wings to fly to Cannibal Town. Susan was complaining outside of Rosie’s home saying that she wanted to eat Adam. Lucifer walked past her and walked it. Rosie was sitting with Adam who now had black and gold horns as well as greyish skin, shimmery black wings, fangs instead of teeth, black sclera in his eyes, and lamb like ears. He was picking at the cookies Rosie provided looking absolutely miserable. But when he looked up at Lucifer he looked hopeful.
Adam: I want to see our son.
Lucifer: Abel? Adam I..... I don't know if I can swing that.
Adam stood up: Why not?
Lucifer: The Extermination just ended, Heaven is more than a little pissed off at the moment they aren't going to do me a favor.
Adam looked down sadly, he needed to let their son know that he was alive and okay. Relatively speaking of course, he was stabbed in the back. He sniffed, Abel was probably worried about him when all the angels came back and he didn't.
Lucifer: Thank you Rosie for keeping Susan away from him.
Rosie: No problem your majesty, she's a stubborn old bitch but I can take her.
Lucifer put his arm around Adams waist: Come on Addie, let's go.
Adam nodded sadly going with Lucifer, he opened a portal to the Morningstar Manor where Adam collapsed on the couch and cried.
Lucifer handed him a cell phone: You can call him.
Adam sat up and took the phone: Yeah! I'll call him, he'll answer the phone for me.
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They're gay your honour...
Grian: I feel like the world would be better if I'd never been born. Scar: Aw… that's not true. Scar: It'd be exactly the same. Scar: You're not important.
Scar: I couldn't do this without you, Grian. Grian: Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course.
Grian to Scar: Turn that frown upside-down! a little while later Grian: What are you doing? Scar, trying to do a handstand: You told me to “turn that frown upside-down” but it’s not working .
Grian: Hey Scar, can I get some icecream? Scar: Only a spoonful! Grian: Proceeds to pull out a comically large spoon.
Scar: Why are you looking at me through a fork? Grian: I'm pretending you're in jail. Scar: Why? Grian: It's spiritually healing.
Scar: Grian, I need some advice. Grian: You need advice from ME? Scar: Yeah, frightening, isn't it?
Grian: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby? Grian: I want to make him a god. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us. Grian: I also want to softhack his circuits. Scar: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again.
Grian: makes Scar a cup of tea but puts salt in it Scar: sips tea Grian: Scar: finishes tea Grian: Didn't it taste bad? Scar: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all. Grian, tearing up: Oh, okay.
Grian: I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Scar: Okay? Grian: … Grian: … Grian: Actually it’s gonna bug me if I don’t, so—
Scar: Happy Throwback Thursday! Here’s a throwback to when Grian ate an entire tube of lipstick. Grian, whining: But why would it be cherry-flavored if you can’t eat it?!
Grian: Scar, is that my mug you’re drinking out of? Scar: No, it’s mine. Grian: It… looks just like the one I have… Scar: You don’t have one like this anymore.
Scar: How does that even work? Grian, mocking them: hOw dO yOu UsE a cOmPUteR aNd KnOw wHaTS GoiNg oN iT DoEsNt mAke SeNSe?! Scar: Your face doesnt make sense.
Kidnapper: I have your partner. Grian: What? I don't have a partner… Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face? Grian: Oh my god, you have Scar.
Scar: Wait you like me? For my personality? Grian: I know, I was surprised too.
Grian: FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED! Grian: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF COMFORT YOU SUPPLY! Scar: Grian just threw a tantrum about a chair. Scar: I just won Grian Tantrum Bingo.
Scar: Grian, what if there are monsters? Grian: Don’t worry, we’re top of the food chain. Much later… Scar, lying awake at night: I am the monster.
Grian: "Go hang a salami" backwards is "I'm a lasagna hog". Scar: How did either of those sentences occur naturally for you to discover this?
Scar: I thought I told you to stop reading my emails. Grian: Well, I thought I told you to stop keeping secrets!
Grian: Tommorrow's garbage day. Scar: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.
Grian: on the phone with Scar I can’t talk right now, I’m doing hot girl shit. Scar: You’re pulling Oreos apart and saving off the frosting to make a mega Oreo, aren’t you. Grian: Maybe.
Grian: You’re so funny! Scar: Thanks; I’m desperate for people to like me.
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I lowkey feel like a weirdo just reading and interacting with your posts without actually sending anything in the ask box LMAO
So here I am, to rant about pretty (not so) little twinks to my favorite writer
Everyone headcannons Hanma to be sadistic, and while I can definitely see that based on the way he acts and fights, I personally headcannon him to be a hardcore masochist who just tries to hide it by saying he's a sadist. Like this man doesn't dodge powerful punches and kicks from Mikey or Draken, no, no, he blocks them with his own body instead. His whole thing is always getting back up after tanking heavy hits like a monster. But he also very regularly eggs people on. He taunts and maims people to get them to fight him. He does this, every. Single. Fight.
So how does this translate into the bedroom? Well of course, his lanky ass wants nothing more than to get on your nerves. He wants to see how far he can push you, if he can make you genuinely mad. He wants to be the biggest little shit he possibly can until you have no choice but to punish him for it. And this boy can take a lot. Spanking? No problem. Choking? Yes please. Cbt? Why the hell not? Putting him into a borderline painful full nelson while relentless pounding into his prostate at mach jesus? He'd love every second, even if it renders him damn near bedridden for the next three days. Hell, we've seen how Hanma fights, you could probably beat the shit out of him or try to kill him and he'd pop a stiffy.
I feel like he might have a humiliation kink too. Like- shame this man for being so kinky and mock him for being pathetic. You could call him your little bitch and spit in his mouth and he'd just grin in response. And he's not really the type to break easily either. Even as you have him clutching the sheets, trembling, tears rolling down his cheeks, barely even able to stay conscious, he'd still talk shit and try to aggravate you. That carries into every day couple life too, just in a more minor way. He likes to play pranks on you, poke and prod you both literally and metaphorically. He's also almost definitely smart, I mean- Kisaki hates dumb people, and he hangs out with Hanma. That just means that Hanma will start the dumbest, prettiest arguments, and win purely by technicality. He's a total smartass. Of course, Hanma wouldn't say or do anything to actually hurt you, he's just be annoying and a nusience on purpose because he finds it entertaining to piss people off. It's alright, there's an easy fix. Just fuck hin so dumb he can't talk, so hard that he just passed out in your arms straight after.
Moral of the story, Hanma is a freaky little masochist, and the world's most annoying little asshole (affectionate)
~Neon
(Ajdksj no need to worry! I accept lurkers of all sorts — including lurkers who don't interact at all, and instead silently read my works <3
I do appreciate things like this too though, thank you! I love hearing y'all's thoughts and ideas!)
—
THIS is canon, as far as I'm concerned. He's such a painslut, it's not even funny. I definitely agree that Shuji will do his best to annoy you, that's just his favorite past time :P
I recently learned that getting punched in the gut (or just, in general) is a kink/fetish, so I think we can safely assume that Shuji would be into that too. I know that wrestling is also a sexual thing for some people. Just tossing that out there. Pin that tall boy in a painful position and hammer your cock into him, he'll love it!
Forget play fighting, he's the kind of guy who'd want to actually fight you until he's spitting up blood. Rasping a snarky remark even as his knuckles are busted, and his ribs ache from your heavy hits. Just normal couple things~
I also just thought about a "softer" moment: Cuddling with Shuji and pressing on the bruises you left on him. He winces as your thumb presses down on the large purple area on his arm, your other hand combing through his hair. This kind of pain is the kind that makes his whole body tremble, and he easily becomes addicted to it <3
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Y’all ever go back and re-read things you’ve written and still get excited? Like I wrote this? Me? Wow, good job brain
#im re reading Wildflowr bc I miss my MAN#like of course you like it bitch you worry it FOR YOU#tj talks
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a silly lil thing i had in my brain…. more uzurengiyuu… and wives cause they’re pretty
in honors of the newest demon slayer ep frfr
————————————————————————
shinobu, noticing giyuu’s wearing a ring: oh? what’s with the rings??
giyuu; i’m married
shinobu: what-
giyuu: i’m still processing it myself
shinobu: to who?? help me process this…
giyuu: tengen and rengoku
shinobu: WHAT
giyuu: rengoku proposed to me with a half eaten ringpop, tengen had an actual ring, and hina, suma and makio just grabbed me and told me im their husband now
shinobu: … oh my god
giyuu: my bloodline is now secure and i got myself some babes, life is good
shinobu: i can’t believe this
————————————————————————
i’m so sane about them i promise,,, giyuu went from being lonely to having two husbands and three wives, he has that autistic rizz dont fuck with him
sigh…. i love them all
#demon slayer#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#giyuu tomioka#tengen uzui#kyojuro rengoku#kny suma#kny hinatsuru#kny makio#shinobu kocho#<-#i love them sm#don’t worry guys rengoku gave giyuu a blue ringpop for the aesthetic#and yes#giyuu did get picked up by the scruff like a cat by tengens wives#he did not even fight back#pretty women can drag him wherever#he’s so real for that#giyuu my bisexual king#he’s living the dream#lucky bitch#but also good for you man#also i love the canon fact that suma actually really likes giyuu#he’s her fav hashira (also tengen of course)#hashira training arc#rengiyuu#uzugiyuu#uzuren#uzurengiyuu
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Oops.
While learning to control his powers under the guidance of Clockwork, Danny accidentally curses his own bloodline with the Curse of Sentient Food several centuries in the past. Originally, a witch was supposed to curse his family. Oops. Well, the Fentons were always adapting, and technically, either way, he'd end up battling dino nuggets at three am in his underwear, no matter who the curse came from. So he shrugged and continued on.
Unfortunately, this also means that out of nowhere, the timeline shifted, and some of his very distant relatives are now battling their food into submission at every meal because Danny is ultimately way more powerful than some mortal witch from the 1600s. His version of the curse reached literally everyone he could ever be related to for the last few centuries. Even if they were adopted into the family!
So, returning to the present time after training, Danny is a little startled to see some news clips of people's dinners coming to life and beginning revolutions. Wow, John Fentonightingale really got around, didn't he? He felt a little uncomfortable that now all these random people had to deal with their share of Fenton luck, but from some of the interviews, everyone seemed to be handling it pretty well!
Especially his so-distant-they're-on-another-tree cousins, the Kents, who contacted his family directly, asking how best to prepare a zombie turkey. Their son was coming for Thanksgiving with his new wife and some coworkers, and they just refused to make the guests fight for their lives on a holiday!
They invited the Fentons to join them, of course.
#dpxdc#pondhead blurbs#sometimes i wonder where the fuck this stuff comes from#which snail is responsible for this#but if it wasn't clear danny curses his bloodline and fucks it up because of course he does#so literally every single relative he's ever had is now suffering directly from fenton luck and sentient food fights#ma and pa kent are the only ones who reach out for advice#how did they figure out the fentons were the source? like they'd tell you those are family secrets you nosey bitch#so now the fentons are invited to spend the holidays with their distant cousins in Kansas#and meet their adopted son clark! who was just married! :D#side note the timeline changed right as the cake was cut at clark's reception so that was interesting#they had to pay for so much dry cleaning#clark's coworkers (fellow jl members) are a little worried about the sentient food but so far it's not really a big issue?#they can definitely take time off for the holidays to relax!#and they totally won't get dragged on any interdimensional adventures with a dead teenage godling as their guide!#feel free to continue#idk how many kids bruce has when clark marries lois but feel free to just throw some in#like JL members and their kids#just toss them in and watch the kids go feral#fighting your food is enrichment <3
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www!reader WILL call batman a pussy for not killing on her private twitter. she does it like every other day. its cathartic
#sophie speaks#series:www#all of the batfam: i have a very complicated relationship with the idea of killing as i follow a code that i know has caused thousands of-#lost lives and hurt people. but i still follow it because i know its the right thing to do#reader and jason: what like a baby???#i actually wrote www!reader to reflect all of the guys like... worst traits#shes obsessive like tim ignores her problems like dick is completely consumed by vengeance like jason and just generally petty like damian#hand in unlovable hand#and you havent seen readers more petty side yet but believe me you WILL#her and damians interactions always crack me up because they're just so.#genuinely miserable around each other but both too stubborn to concede any ground#damian: i think ur here to cause trouble and steal things#reader: i am literally working at a soup kitchen. ur only allowed to bitch if u help#which of course he does hes a good boy but the soup kitchen definitely has a weird vibe when the two of them are around#u dont have to worry about ur own problems look at these two obviously emotionally incompetent people bickering with eachother#anyways what was i saying
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three just karate aikido-dropped three security guards and honestly id like to see some other doctors get into a fist fight occasionally, i wonder how they'd do
#doctor who#dw#im watching classic who#im watching the green death#im watching the third doctor#one woul feign a knee injury and then chop someone in the throat when they came over all worried#two would do silly flappy hands and be generally useless -- that or smack someone over the head with his flute#four would fight so dirty but also so badly -- hairpulling expected#five would espouse being above this and then kneecap someone with a cricket bat#im torn between six or seven as most likely to commit an actual murder based on what ive seen of them#but definitely six would throw an actual hard punch square in someone's face + scratch and claw#while seven of course uses a cane to devastating effect (with a bit of one and four tactics)#eight would be useless in a fight in the movie but far more capable later on BUT i think also least likely to fight someone physically#nine is a bitch-slapper ive decided. she's actually very unhappy with the idea of a proper fight but a humiliating slap yes#ten WOULD fight but would also lose and spit blood while acting like they're winning#eleven also does flappy hands but far more effectively than two and when you're not taking him seriously punches you in the face#twelve i think is most likely to win an honest fight through old-school fisticuffs but on top of that is also a bastard cheater#thirteen ive decided is most likely to have remembered some of three's martial arts but silly style -- gets halfway through a correct move#fucks something up and says *hold on i swear i used to remember this stuff now is it over the hip or shoulder...* before getting knocked ou#fourteen from what we've seen so far holds up their hands going *now wait a second-* and immediately gets knocked out
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University ever pushes you so low you have to go buy a couple of beers? /srs/neg
I'm gonna vent in the tags for a moment humor me for once /gen
#No but I'm serious this place is a nightmare /neg#Venting in the tags#humor me for a second. you go to this uni and they promise you a place that will teach you how to become an artist#on both like. morality and skill level. they feed you with bullshit for MONTHS. “oh mistakes are fine! they make you grow!”#or “oh this is a community we work all together there are no discriminations this is a safe place to learn and improve”#and we like. work on this projects - THAT WE ARE NOT PAID TO WORK FOR SO *WE* GET TO PAY FOR ALL THE MATERIALS AND SHIT FOR THEM.#to like “help the community” or whatevrr because “artists are born to inspire others and bring joy” and blah blah blah. BUT. LIKE. THE THING#THE THING IS. NONE OF THESE PROJECTS WILL END UP ON OUR CURRICULUMS. WHAT WE WORK 6-7 YEARS FOR ARE NOT SEEN AS REAL EXPERIENCES.#AS IF WE'VE DONE LITERALLY NOTHING FOR 6-7 YEARS. AND LIKE. THE PROFESSORS ARE SO RACIST AND DISCRIMINATORY AS WELL.#If they don't like you they WON'T EVEN GIVE YOU THE EXAM. BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY TO DEMONSTRATE IF YOU WORKED OR NOT. IT'S UP TO THEM.#THEY DECIDE EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE AS IF WE ARE SOME SORT OF FUCKING COMMUNIST KINDA BULLSHIT WORKERS.#Someone fucks up? *WE* FUCK UP AND EVERYONE PAYS. Someone succeeds? *WE* SUCCEED AND EVERYONE GETS THE CREDITS.#THIS IS ALSO WHY NONE OF THE WORKS WE DO END UP IN OUT CURRICULUM BECAUSE ITS MADE SO THAT *THE UNIVERSITY COURSE* DID IT AND NOT *US*.#IT'S FUCKING BULLSHIT AND I CAN'T EVEN GET OUT OF THERE BECAUSE IF I DO MY PARENTS WILL KICK ME OUT CUZ THEY DON'T WANT ME TO BE AN ARTIST#So I'm trying to STUDY for the exams and the “professors” are getting mad at me that I'm not staying 10 HOURS IN THAT MOTHERFUCKING ART LAB.#WORKING AT THEIR NONSENSE PROJECTS THAT WILL NOT END UP IN MY CURRICULUM.#“Oh if you're not willing to put all your efforts for the course this is not the place for you” BITCH I *AM* PUTTING ALL MY EFFORTS!#THIS EXAM IS *LITERALLY* PART OF THE COURSE!! WHAT KIND OF FUCKING BULLSHIT ARGUMENT IS THAT!!!!!#Istg I'm gonna cry I want to kms /NOT SERIOUS#I'm gonna cook dinner. chug my lemon beer. and try to study like a normal person and beg this shit will end soon#Don't worry I'm not going to become an alcoholic I just need something. anything and I'm ABSOLUTELY not gonna start smoking I hate it /srs#tw alchohol mention#alcohol mention#tw smoking mention#smoking mention#vent#tw vent#// mike speaks
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Sobbing somebody save me from alnst
#alien stage#alnst till#alnst#alnst mizi#i can’t take it anymore#these gays are making me depressed#where is sua??#why’d they kill her so soon#why is Ivan now dead to#these aliens are homophobic as shit#the only time I’ve seen this many gays kicking the bucket was with toji from jjk#they need to put the jjk mangá down these aliens got to many ideas from toji#what do you mean the bullets make peoples heads explode?!#that’s fucking sick!!#why do you need that?!#also they clearly didn’t hit Ivan with them#if they did the man would’ve exploded#he would have been looking like gojo from chapter 236#would’ve broke like a dam Kit Kat😭#son of a bitch someone save me from these tragic gays#does till even like Ivan back?!?!?#like how does till feel about this??#man is going through one of Hercules trials I swear#till don’t worry baby I’ll save you!!#I don’t know how but I will!!#also mizu are u ok?#that was a dumb question of course your not#aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#also Ivan calling his love shallow aaaahhhh#LET ME OUT!!!!!!!
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he’s in your area!!!!!
This shitpost was somehow the thing to wrench me out of my art block. I’ve been working on it over the past 3 weekends. The original vid I drew on top of is here, sorry for ruining it with genshit impoop </3
#qoe art#qoe edit#genshin impact#dainsleif#genshin dainsleif#genshin fanart#of course i ended up liking the one guy who looks like dimitri. of course i did#now that ive drawn dain 36 times i think theres something wrong with me#death grips#also if there are bitches you dont recognize. those are my ocs dont worry about them#genshin kaeya#genshin albedo#idk if the dainkaes wanna claim this but feel free lmao
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Fml. I have mental illnesses for real fhat arent just garden variety anxiety and depression <- sorry it turned into a vent/rant in the tags. The perilous poster
#THIS IS NOTHING IM FINE !!!#i just had to remember earlier that sometimes i dont get to be myself#and i drove through my ahit moms town for no reason#and we got a kitten and of course i feel like the only one reasonably concerned#so idk if my concerns are valid or if im overreacting and i dont know how much of my worry is justified#what if im just being a party pooper?#ANDDDD on top of that i dont know where the kitten is rn. and its fine. ots fine#but my mind keeps flashing me images of him stuck somewhere or hurt or somethinf#and i was supposed to be watching him but i left to make food#but my family keeps going 'oh lets do a small trip' so i dont add anything to the list#and then they get a bunch of bs and i dont get any food#WE DONT NEED COSMIC BROWNIES MAN I NEED TO EAT A REAL MEAL THAT MAKES ME FULL PLEASE GOD#and our older cat hates the kitten and im worried the stress is gonna kill him because hes fucking 19#agghh aaghhhhhhh and i cant keep up with everyone and im overwhelmed and i think im just like#upset because i havnt had real food but fuck man idk what to do about that#i coukd bike down to the store and get a sandwich#but my stupid brain keeps going 'if you leave the kitten will die and its your fault'#even though thats not fuckong correct#and i just. aaghhh. aaghhhhhh#and im overheatinf rn but i cant go to my room bc aforementioned kitten desth prophecies#and i. just. aaghhhh ghhhhrrhhhh ghrrrr#im fine im fine i just need to complain i need to be a bitch#ANDDD im tired cause i coulsnt sleep which isng helping#god ive been having a bunch of panic attacks lately too i stopped having them so much after quitting school
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I'm rereading one piece and luffy is such a cunt I love him so much
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brooo i hate having Dreams That Piss You Off i woke up all pissed off at NOTHIIINNNNNGGGGG
#dreamt that my ex (platonic we were toxic besties) fucking CASED MY HOUSE#i saw him through the fucking WINDOW taking PICTURES of my FUCKING BEDROOM#shoved my hand through the blinds to flip him off and he took off running#i ripped down the blinds and slammed open the window and yelled HOW DID YOU FIND MY HOUSE#he said something like What and i yelled louder HOW DID YOU FIND MY FUCKING HOUSE. MOM FUCKING MIKE IS HERE#she came up to the window and pointed at him and said I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS#and i climbed out the window and he was like OH MY GOD BITCH CALM DOWN and i yelled HOW DID YOU FIND MY HOUSE#and his backup (of course he had backup) was like oh dude shes pissed and misty (WHY WAS MISTY THERE??) was like PET OMG CALM DOWN#and mike said WELL I HAD TO SNEAK! YOU ALWAYS FUCKING DO THIS YOU JUST VANISH! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRYING THAT IS?!#and i yelled HOW THE FUCK DID YOU FIND MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!!!!!! YOU PIGFUCKING BASTARD!!!!!!!!! ANSWER ME#and he yelled I WENT TO THE ARMY!! I DIDNT KNOW WHERE YOU WERE BUT I KNOW YOUR LAST NAAME BITCH and i bluescreened#and he went NO ONE KNEW WHERE YOU WENT!! YOU JUST WENT CRAZY AND LEFT#and i said DON'T FUCKING BLAME THIS (GESTURING BETWEEN US) ON ME YOU FUCKING DUMPED ME#and after some more argument we wound up inside. in like. a dorm common room. me & mike sitting in separate chairs not looking at each other#and he asked how have you been. and i said Fine. How's your mom. (i have known she died for years)#and he went into how she died of cancer that he should have had her check out but he didnt bc he thought it was just her being funny again#and then into how his latest best friend died of alcohol poisoning after mike started a co-binge. and i said im so fucking sorry dude#thats so awful. and he snapped at me Why the fuck are you talking about ME thats all you ever talk about!! youre obsessed!!#and i said What the fuck are you on about and his backup was like Oh please he told us how you're obsessed with him and youre still doing it#and i looked at the backup. and i looked at mike. and i stood up and said Thats all i needed to know. fuck you both. and walked off#turned to misty and said Good to see you again. if you wanna hang out sometime I'm down. WITHOUT (pointing at mike) him.#it was. ph my fucking god. aaauhhjgh FUCK. i hope shared dreams are real i hope he heard the contempt in my voice as i told him to fuck off#and also WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT
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how do terfs grapple with the fact that they're white supremacist losers who think that women are weak essentially like adult babies but that they also bear the apparent brunt of all human pain... liiike ok which narrative are we going with
#you can't have it both ways and i thought the whole point of a 'women empowerment movement' (they aren't that. don't worry. ik)#was that women were strong and capable of doing anything... but then they complain about women losing sports#like first of all why is SPORTS of all things the crux of your entire argument on gender theory#and second of all sports are not cooshy soft shit anyways... they've always been incredibly violent (varies depending on the sport ofc)#like especially if you're going to the olympics for boxing i do not know why you'd expect not to get hit hard LMAO??? it's not like she died#it's this narrative of women's fragility that really only comes into play with white women bc let's be real here... terfs are mainly white#and also is so funny to put into a sports argument because not only are you making women look bad by essentially saying they#aren't good at whatever sport they're playing and therefore need to have a strict sex-based caste system in place so they can win#and also never get any injuries??? in sports??? which are highly competitive and where most injuries happen???#but also you're saying that physical strength is directly proportional to gender which is also very much not true. if that dumb bitch#was up against a different woman who was like a bodybuilder or weight lifter she still would have lost because she fucking sucks#meanwhile so many men have fucking noodle arms. it's just ridiculous to push this narrative like someone being biologically male doesn't#make them better at sports or stronger just like being biologically female doesn't make you worse at spoets or weaker#people are sooooo fucking different more than you could even imagine with your little peabrain#but you wanna be racist and evil so bad because you don't like cock and balls on women#this is just embarrassing at this point like some people aren't born completely one way or the other and some have hormone imbalances.#doesn't make them any less of whatever they are.#i don't understand why fucking genitalia gets people so tripped up but of course of society is so sex-based how can it not i guess lmao#imagine getting so scared that someone w/ a penis is going to rape you on a constant basis that you basically say we need to be eugenicists#you realize you can hold men who rape people accountable AND be a decent human being... right? it's actually very easy
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