#like no this is not normal people behavior but this is my normal behavior it’s just more intense rn lol

[brawberryz]

⎯⎯ㅤStupid detective

Batfam Yan! × L Lawliet! Reader

《Platonic》

Note: English is not my first language

TW / yandere behaviors, obsession, isolation, murder, violence, toxic relationships

L Lawliet! Reader, who is one of the family's best detectives.

L Lawliet! Reader, who is scolded daily for her diet of nothing but sweets. Several times they forced you to change your diet to a healthier one, but you simply refused.

Sweets were the best thing for you, and you weren't going to let anyone take that away from you.

L Lawliet! Reader, who spends most of her time in her room solving cases. You had surpassed the entire family in how far you could go without sleep.

Your dark circles were enormous and adorned your eyelids. Your family still wonders how you're still alive.

L Lawliet! Reader, who instead of using the shower or bathtub like a normal person decided to bathe in the washing machine. Alfred could still remember when he found you spinning naked in the washing machine.

Your excuse was that it was more comfortable. From that day on, your family's eyes never left you, afraid you'd do something stupid and end up dead.

You really didn't care. As long as they didn't bother you while you were sorting things out, you weren't bothered by their overprotectiveness.

L Lawliet! Reader, who began to obsess over a particular case, Kira. It was a case of a new serial killer tormenting all of Gotham.

Bruce offered to solve it, but you stopped him and told him you'd take charge. He trusted you in your abilities, but he believed this case was more dangerous than it seemed.

L Lawliet! Reader, who one day found you with a boy handcuffed to your wrist and a very loud blonde girl.

Apparently, you had found the culprits, but you didn't have enough evidence to blame them, so you literally stuck to them, refusing to leave their sides.

You can already hear Alfred preparing the guest room. They knew you weren't one to give up, and they knew you'd do anything to prove you were right.

And if that meant keeping two "innocent" people locked in your room and technically interrupting their lives to prove you were right, you would do it.

Fuck, of course you would.

L Lawliet! Reader, who can feel the murderous glares her family was giving their "guests."

They couldn't believe what you did. How dare you let strangers into the mansion and stick yourself to them!?

They hated how the blonde girl named Misa touched and hugged you. Who did she think she was, touching you like that?

It made their blood boil that someone other than them would touch you or spend time with you. Ever since those two people arrived, all your attention was focused on them.

Are they supposed to be your family? Why are you ignoring them now?

The no-kill rule trembled in each of them every time they saw you with Light or Misa.

They had to get rid of them NOW.

L lawliet! Reader, who ended up getting into a fistfight with Light after an argument, was surprising in that even though you were handcuffed and technically glued to him, your movements were skillful and quick.

Maybe your body seemed weak, but you weren't; you had been trained by the whole family to be perfect.

If Dick hadn't interrupted the fight, I could swear you could have killed him.

Although he wouldn't mind if you killed Light either; it would be one less problem on the family's to-do list.

L Lawliet! Reader, you have shitty posture. You could easily have some muscle problems when you're older.

Sometimes they wondered if your back or some muscle didn't hurt because of your posture.

L Lawliet! Reader, who is aware that she is surrounded by yanderes and murderers, you had realized this a long time ago.

You weren't stupid; you weren't the best detective for nothing, maybe better than Batman (although that would be too much of an ego boost for you).

You just hoped that your family's yandere-like behavior didn't interrupt your investigation into Kira.

My obsession with Death Note has returned. Omfg how I love that fucking show.

Maybe I'll do a Light and misa

[tvfangirladdict]

Big on this.

Just because(you believe) 2 characters have romantic or sexual feelings for each other does 👏not👏 mean👏 everything👏 they 👏do👏 with👏 each👏 other 👏automatically 👏becomes👏 a 👏romantic👏or👏sexual👏act👏. Capice?

I can admit when I ship two characters who have no romantic/sexual connection in canon but I'm not gonna let my shipper goggles change the reality of what's actually happening(usually. I try anyway). Showing the different aspects and depths of platonic/familial relationships is so important, don't take away from that just because you want them to kiss, okay? Physical touch, emotional vulnerability, mental familiarity/closeness/affection, etc are all parts of those types of relationships too, not just romantic ones.

When my best friend and I have sleepovers we share a bed because we've known each other our whole lives and we just never grew out of it- doesn't mean we like each other romantically. I can cuddle with friends because I'm tactile and it brings me contentment- doesn't mean it's romantic. They're the ones I call or text when I need someone to talk to and I rely on them emotionally- doesn't mean I have romantic feelings for them. My friends know more about my mental state and my history than anyone, including family- doesn't make it romantic. I'd trust them with my (hypothetical) kids- doesn't make it romantic. I can tell my friends "I love you"- doesn't mean it's in a romantic way just because I do all of the above and more.

I understand there's occasionally some overlap when things are unsaid, when it's a vibe or look or something less concrete that can be open to interpretation. Still, admit that, don't take one action that is common in non-romantic relationships as well and point to it and declare that it can only happen in romantic relationships.

Even if one or both have feelings for each other, it doesn't make everything they do romantic/sexual, especially when it hasn't been admitted to in canon. Hugs, cuddling, seeking emotional comfort, empathy, compassion, thoughtfulness, etc, are all also platonic behaviors/actions. Just because you think it's accompanied by a look or a vibe doesn't change that, it would just mean that it had an added layer of meaning for that character.

For reference, ships I've shipped with no Canon definitive romantic moments:

-Sylveride(Chicago Fire)

-Sterek(Teen Wolf) (This one might get me shot, I know, but nothing in canon made me think they were inherently romantic. One of those ones where nothing they did didn't fit a brothers/friends narrative, but had vibes for some people)

-Morcia(Criminal Minds)(ship tf out of them, but I can admit their interactions were platonic, rgardless of any possible hidden romantic feelings)

-Gibbs/DiNozzo(NCIS)

-Dom/Brian(Fast&Furious)

-McDanno (I honestly almost put this one on both lists, because there are no definitive scenes where I can't play devil's advocate and point out that brothers couldn't also say or do that, or that a non-shipper couldn't refute, but the vibes are undeniable if you're open to it as an option. They never got together but I still believe feelings were there.)

-Billy/Steve(Stranger Things)

Ships that haven't gone canon(yet) but that definitely overlap and live in a gray area between platonic and romantic because some things just are not normal in platonic relationships(Again, still doesn't make everything they do romantic/sexual):

-Buddie(911): Simialr go McDanno, but I believe they've taken it far enough to justify being on this list imo. Too many moments don't fit platonic friends.

-Bensler(SVU)

-Bethyl(TWD): I feel secure in moving this to this list after Norman confirmed feelings on Daryl's side.

shipping characters who are just friends in canon is more than okay but what’s annoying is when people take screenshots of them touching and say “friends don’t do that!”. i hate to break it to you but friends do hug and hold hands and cuddle. saying ‘friends don’t do that’ is reenforcing the idea that physical touch is reserved for lovers

[honeymilktea-444]

ᯓᡣ𐭩 why should u keep going ?

(encouraging messages)

hi my babies, breathe in & out, and choose whatever pile or piles you’re drawn to. take what resonates and leave the rest. left to right, 1–>2 and so on. muah! 😘 sorry for any typos in advance. <3

( ๑ ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و ♡

ᯓᡣ𐭩 pile one

hi my pile one babies, you should keep going because your mental health, and peace of mind depend on it. if you stay where you are instead of pushing through you’ll never be happy, and your mental health will deteriorate. you may also fall into su*cid*l ideations. seek help if you need my love. when you get to where you are going your mental health will get so much better. you will finally have the peace you’re searching for. for this pile it could be linked to your environment. you could be working hard to get into a better environment or quality of life. you deserve that. it is your destiny to have this dream come true. you are meant for a peaceful slow life where you are working , and living , and loving like a normal person. with normal people problems instead of things being unnecessarily hard. i am getting that the reason for these unnecessary hardships are because of people making it difficult for you, because they want you to give up. they want you disillusioned about the world, for some you are but that doesn’t mean you’ll give up. once you fight past this era, and are able to leave these people behind life will go so much smoother. it may take some time. i do see that you are around people that show you through their life and behaviors what happens when you give up on yourself too soon. you end up miserable and bitter. jealousy grows inside of you towards everyone who has or had the courage to keep going because you didn’t. i do see this is how an elder or parent treats you, or everyone in your family is this way. mean spirited, miserable, and angry because they didn’t accomplish any of their dreams because of setbacks. they could be mean towards you, or have contempt towards you because they see a light in you that sparkles even when sad and down, it still flickers. that little flicker of light is what forces you to be positive because your life depends on this. if this is all there is to life you don’t really want to live, so in your mind there must be more to life than this. you’re right my baby. the people around gave up when things got hard, you don’t and they resent you for that. specifically this may be elders in your family. you may notice that they tell you to give up on things often, be it a relationship because it’s gotten hard, a dream because you ran into a problem, the hope of having a great partner or life. they do this because they want you to do what they did. they want you in the same boat as them. they may tell you that “that’s just how everyone is” when you talk about wanting a partner that loves you. they may tell you that what you want is a “fantasy” and it’s not. they just never gave themselves a chance to see that. why you should keep going is because it exists. whatever you’re looking for is out there. the love. the happy ending. the quality of life. I’m channeling the movie/book the last unicorn. give that book a read or the movie a watch. or you may really love unicorns, and/or really love that book/movie. it’s significant for you. when you achieve this, you’ll be so happy even if you are battered and bruised. right now it seems you may never recover or will always feel this empty but you won’t. you also don’t want much, you’re not a pile that is after millions of dollars, i get strongly that you just want a peaceful, emotionally fulfilling life with love, comfort and stability; and not to be fighting for your life with horrible circumstances and horrible people every five seconds. and you can totally have that. whether it’s a degree so you can be stable and sustain your home, whether it’s learning how to manage your money and being the first one of your family that can actually sustain and be comfortable, whether it’s going through lesson after lesson, or frog after frog to get your prince or person, you WILL do it. If you stop now you’ll never see that. so, you must keep going so you can give yourself the chance to see that you will be okay, and content, and safe. you have to give yourself a fighting chance. that’s all i have for you pile one babies! love you and keep going. ❤️

ᯓᡣ𐭩 pile two

hi my pile two babies, the reason you should keep going is love. you’re either on this journey you’re on right now because the root of it is love and you’re fighting for love you already have, or there’s love at the end of this journey for you and if you give up now you’re robbing yourself of your chance to receive it, because you absolutely are going to, in case you didn’t know. ☺️

for those of you that have love and you’re going through a rocky time right now with whomever you’re with, i do see that this is something worth fighting for. It should not be the case, but unfortunately the case is real genuine love is a rarity these days; with the sole motivation for things usually being money, personal gain, status, power, ego etc. this situation you’re dealing with is nothing but real true LOVE. whatever the issue is, isn’t really personal. it’s something that maybe psychologically wired into one of you and need time and healing to iron out. everyone has something that goes on in their brain that they aren’t always aware of. people do certain things, and have certain bad habits and have absolutely no reason why the fuck they’re doing it. when the real reason is there’s something subconsciously going on but they lack the self awareness to know what it is. even when a person is self aware, it doesn’t mean they can automatically stop because logic and visceral knee jerk impulse are two different things. self awareness just helps them to try to stop it before it happens bc they’re aware of the signs within themselves. for some this could deal with an addiction of some sorts that you or your partner has. you may have seen some dark days because of this addiction. or you’re in the darkest times now because of this addiction. i’m channeling the song Come Back To Earth by Mac Miller. So for some of you your partner passed away from this addiction. I’m sorry love bug. If this is the case, they are coming through to tell you it wasn’t your fault, and you couldn’t have loved them any more than you did. You drowned them in love and support and did everything right. There is an energy of them giving up. If some of you are upset with them and resentful for this, they don’t blame and will be by your side energetically until you’ve moved past it. For others of you and your partner is still here with us, this addiction stems from something that they are trying to get out of their head. I’m channeling the movie Jason’s Lyric where the brother had a bad drinking problem because memories of his fathers death kept haunting him, and drinking was the only way to sedate him enough to not have PTSD nightmares about it. So it could be something similar with you and your partner. It could be any addiction, and it also could be any type of problem you’re having with them. Whatever it is though, it’s reoccurring. I’m also channeling the song LoveHappy by The Carters. The specific line “sometimes i thought we’d never see the light. we went through hell with heaven on our side. this beach ain’t always been no paradise, but nightmares only last one night. look at us now. pray, pray for the vows. way, way up now. it’s a long way, long way down. we came, and we saw and we conquered it all, we came and we conquered now we’re happy in love” . So if you keep going, you’ll reach your happy ending, with who you wanted it with. I don’t see deal breakers being broken but just a pesky problem. you’ll get through this.

For the second half of this pile this isn’t a person but a passion, or talent/gift. I’m picking up sewing. For some you are aspiring costume designers. I’m picking up Chapel Roan and Raye, so some of you are singers or indie singers. But it could be anything. There could have been people in the way making this harder for you, because I’m channeling when the singer Raye went live and went on a rant to get her labels attention to let them know that she’s serious if they don’t let her out of her contract so she can be an independent artist and make the music she really wants to make. They finally did and guess what? Her debut album won Grammys and 6 Brit awards which is the new broken record for that show. That is why you should continue going with whatever this is because you love it and the moment you’re on the other side shit will blow up in the best way for you, and you’ll be SO grateful you didn’t stop.

For the last half of this pile this could be new love as the reason you should keep going. You may want to give up right now on life, on everything, even on love but if you keep going you’ll find someone. I am getting for this pile they’ll find you. I am channeling Selena Gomez & Benny. Our person will find you when you least expect and it’ll be all worth it. You could have been left behind in love for no reason other than you wouldn’t put up with what you didn’t deserve, or because you had boundaries, or you challenged your past partner to grow, or because they refused to. They could have been emotionally abusive, or abusive period. They could have cheated, literally anything. It may have been years that you’ve been single, but don’t throw in the tile. Some of you are nail techs, idk why that came up maybe to let you know this is your pile. That’s just for a small few, not all. Also, love in general will be restored in your life if you keep going. You may find a newfound love for life through a hobby, a pet, anything. I did channel sewing, digital drawing, podcasts, media consumption of some kind, some of you may start YouTube channels on books and movie analysis and reviews or something in reference to pop culture. But there is a new thirst of life coming if you keep going. You won’t always feel this apathetic and dead inside. You’ll see the world in color again, if you keep going. I promise.

That’s all I have for you my pile two love bugs! Love you and see you in the next reading! ❤️

ᯓᡣ𐭩 pile three

hi my pile three babies, the reason why you should keep going is because once you get through this, it won’t ever be this hard again. you may be exhausted and tired, ready to give up on whatever this is but don’t. you could also be taking a break in the middle of something and tempted not to get up and get back to it. when this is over, you’ll be able to actually rest. you’ll also be able to achieve some sort of stability and self care after this. for some you could be doing this, going through this, or trying to achieve this so that things can get calmer, and safer for you and your life. whatever this is could be something that will improve your quality of life, or mental health, or allow you to live a life that will be smoother, or easier in some way.

for some this could be as little as cleaning your room. you may have started and then took a break and don’t have the energy to finish, but as you’re taking a break it’s getting worse, messier and making things worse for your brain. I am picking up the book, the Japanese art of tidying up and also the tiktoker Amanda Rose. that may be significant for some. for some you’re having a mental health relapse. I’m specifically getting the line “things are getting bad again” or “shits getting spooky again” lol some of you have dark humor. But, this mental health relapse could be the reason for you guys in this pile just wanting to stop. Some of you have a pile of clothes you need to wash, a pile of dishes you need to watch. Some of you need to groom and bathe yourselves, wash your hair. Some of you need to move and that’s why you have to clean your room but you’re getting in a rut. You should keep going because in order to get your new place, or your new destination you have clear things out. you’ll be able to rest when you get there. The worst will be over.

For others this could be schooling, you could be in college or specifically a trade program, medical coding, medical assisting, phlebotomy, culinary, beauty trade anything, and you’re getting burnt out right before it’s over. Others of you have a job that is tiring you but you’re almost done with schooling, or almost reaching a savings goal; specifically you almost have enough for a place or a car. You are almost there. Some of you are also planning funeral arrangements and you’re stressed out. You kind of want to check out of the process, but after this is over you’ll be able to be alone and calm down. Others of you are tired of being pregnant, some of you specifically could be going through prenatal depression (depression while carrying the baby) no one really talks about prenatal depression as often as they should, only postpartum. Some of you are struggling with that. For sons this could be stemming from a lack of support, or you’re pregnant but lost a parental figure early on and you’re feeling the weight of that during this type in your life. Lean on your partner for support, if you can or speak to a professional and know that when you have the baby this feeling will ease up. Others of you are suffering from postpartum depression (depression after the baby’s born) please get help professionally if you feel like you need it. when you conquer this you’ll be able be of sound mind and experience the joy of what’s going on. some of you had to TRIGGER WARNING terminate a pregnancy, and you’re feeling upset please understand that once you are in a better place and you’re ready that soul will come back and choose you again. This is the same with those of this pile that have recently suffered a TRIGGER WARNING miscarriage. I’m sorry love bugs.

for some of you this could be pertaining a health appointment, you’re dragging your feet when it comes to this, but if you keep going the problem will be solved and this process will be over for good and you can finally have peace of mind, better health and importantly rest. this could be medication, a diagnosis, more tests to run, and for some new glasses.

all in all for this pile peace and rest is the theme. if you keep going, it’ll never be this difficult again. you’ll have some sort of stability and routine when this is over. whether mental stability, emotional stability, or physical stability. you’ll have a set routine after this, it’ll never be this rocky again. so that’s why you should keep going love bugs!

ᯓᡣ𐭩 pile four

hi my pile four babies, the reason you should keep going is because whatever this is belongs to you. i have a very feral protective urge to say “because it’s yours tf!” channeling the energy for this pile before i even tapped in and shuffled i got irritated. i was actively irritated this whole pile. so me feeling that way immediately shows me that someone or people could be trying to take something from you, or bully you into not continuing on whatever path you’re on, people around you could be making things harder for you, simply because they don’t want you to have something. but it’s literally your right. whatever this is belongs to you. it’s your birthright! i am channeling the word “live” from an a$ap rocky song called long live a$ap, and also bigger by Beyoncé. the specific line where she says “life is your birthright” so for some, it’s your literal life. not in the sense that someone’s trying to literally take it, but if that is the case you have every right to defend yourself and if that means they’re no longer on earth than it is what it is.. can i get an amen? 🙋🏾‍♀️ but, mostly I’m getting that people may be trying to stop you, and block you from living your life. they may feel like your life will turn out better than there’s. this could be older people around you, specifically in your family. things could be unnecessarily hard for you because of this. or you’re met with opposition everytime you do something that gets you a step closer to living the life you want, or every time you just do one simple thing that makes you happy. you have a right to do this.

for some this could be pertaining to love. you may love someone, or be in a relationship that people come up against. or you could be in a situation that people are saying you should leave. or anything pertaining to your love life, people start to oppose you. this is rooted in jealousy, and projecting. if not jealousy, or projection it’s rooted in judgement based on how badly they judge themselves. but most often than not it’s jealousy. specifically those that are being pressured to leave someone. you’ll find that whatever is going on between you and yours is never the reason people want you to leave, they want you to leave because you’re happy, and they don’t have anyone. this is true because often times, you’ll observe that when they DO have someone they don’t leave either. and they also tend to leave you alone once they have someone. this is the case with all things, when it comes to people and their lives you’ll find that they don’t listen to naysayers, and they do whatever they please. that is a clear indication that it’s just jealousy, and not wanting anyone to be happy unless they are, and even when they are happy they still want you miserable because that’s just how people are when they’re jealous or threatened.

For others, this could be in defense of something. What I mean by that is you could be defending something or someone and people may be challenging you. You should continue to do this because it’s the right thing to do. You are standing up for what you believe in, it’s in your heart. You have no malicious intent and you could possibly be protecting someone. I’m channeling the song “Gaurd your heart” by Big Sean, so this could be a political situation, or an advocacy situation. You could simply be standing up for yourself, or someone you love. Or what’s happening to this person could literally be wrong as fuck and/or illegal as fuck and it just ain’t right. Period. For some, you may also be going against someone in order to do this, and they will feel betrayed by you doing this. OH WELL. I do see whoever this person is could have done something to you too, this could also be a person in which you’re tired of seeing them get away with stuff. Also, you may be starting to get unsettled within yourself to keep watching something happen especially when you can help. For some, this means going against your own mother. This could be a love situation, again you have the right to love tf, just like she did. (I’m sorry love bug I’m getting a little frustrated for you.) This mother may not be the best person to you anyway. Again, it doesn’t have to be love it could be anything. But for some you will be going against a mother figure. This could also be a situation between an Aunt and a Niece, or two sisters. But one out of the pair needs defending or help, and it does seem that you are the one defending or wanting to.

If it has nothing to do with love, it is something that you deserve. It belongs to you. This could be something that you may get confused with in your mind on if you are doing something wrong or not. You are NOT. It is your right to live your life in peace, to do what your heart desires and to keep going, and stand your ground. You deserve to be happy just like everyone else. You deserve independence and autonomy just like everyone else. You deserve to go your own path just like everyone else. When you look around big or small, people are living their little lives. They are doing little things that make them happy. They may have struggles just like everyone else, but they’re living. I don’t know why but in this pile it seems as if your basic rights are at stake, or people are threatening your right to the basic necessities and human decency simply bc they are jealous, or for what we reason they’ve decided you shouldn’t have it, or they don’t agree so that means you shouldn’t do. People are literally crazy, and you are doing nothing wrong. That’s why you should keep going. You should keep going because regardless of the consequences the people who have loved you when nobody else was loving you and couldn’t be bothered with deserve it back no matter who you have to go up against. The people who have been there for you, and stood by you and defended you when things were very questionable deserve it back no matter who feels betrayed. The people that have taken care of you, given you a shoulder to cry on, helped when you were helpless and defenseless deserve it back regardless of what anyone says and who doesn’t like. For this pile i am getting that half of you are defending others, and the other half are defending yourself. You deserve whatever it is you are after. It’s your right. The person you’re defending deserves your defense and protection because I do see they’ve given it to you, and also it’s the right thing to do. Anything on your heart is what’s meant to be pursued and you have a right to it, or else God/the Universe wouldn’t have put it on your heart. That’s why you should keep going.

For some, you may be going against parental figures that are abusive towards you, and going your own path and/or standing up for yourself. You guys may be getting actual help, shelters, law enforcement and they may shun you for standing up to them or for telling them on the to whoever you need to but that’s what abusers do. Keep going because you deserve justice and safety, and they deserve consequences. I love you, and i support you. for others this could be that you should keep going because you have a right to be private about something. do not stop doing this, continue on with it because whatever you’re being private about is your business and would actually probably get tainted and ruined if you let other people in on it. Some people tend not to really understand that just because they are curious or nosy about something, doesn’t mean it’s their business or that they have the right to now. It’s entitlement, and you aren’t doing anything wrong. Others of you it could be that you are being silenced, black mailed, black balled, black listed; and it’s making you want to stop in your tracks don’t. of course keep yourself safe when you feel you need to, but when the coast is clear carry on, again you have a RIGHT to do this. Some of you this could fighting for a relationship that is hanging on by a thread, people may be advising you let it go, or the other person may be giving up. You should keep going because you love this person. It’s that simple. Anything your heart love is worth fighting for, even if you get exhausted. Take a break and get right back to you. I wish you luck love bugs!

I do have an urge to warn you or nudge you that, you shouldn’t leave someone in the cold or have them fend for themselves, they wouldn’t do it to you. Also, for those that are the ones that are left in the cold, it doesn’t matter if no one agrees. This is your life, and only you should be able to waste your time, don’t wait on anyone, or let anyone stand in the way of what you’re doing. For those of you this resonates with. That’s all I have for you pile four. Love you! See you in the next reading love bugs! ❤️

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• feel free to comment on this post and in the hashtags, like, and/or reblog this post if it resonated. i may not be able to reply to some but i see it through the notifs and they make me smile. that keeps me going. remember to be kind, and don’t steal or post my readings as your own. thank you for supporting my little blog love bugs. muah! 😘 •

[kaynes-very-pretty-dagger]

was about to make a "gay people can never flirt normally" post about arkayne but realized kayne does actually.

-"my love" and similar: self explanatory. normal flirting

-giving him a dagger: shiny trinket like crow. kayne's not the one who decided to stab himself with it

-helps with his wound in coda and probably also part 28

-watches his entire life in this and thousands of other timelines: he wants to know more about arthur. normal crush behavior probably

-writes and directs a christmas special starring one of those other arthurs: creative expression. like a journal to him i think.

-sends his enemy to hell, kills his enemy-turned-half-situationship, and sends his other situationship to spain (?): he just wants some alone time is that really too much to ask

-plays him a song on the piano :)

-sends him on a fetch quest to the 1200s: he got nervous idk. don't we all

[jasmine-does-wevertf-she-wants]

Can we talk about what a weird protagonist SY is?

Like LBH is a very typical protagonist, over-powerful, beautiful, inteligent, obsessive, with a dark backstory and a revenge/happy end arc. There's a reason PIDW is such a banger in the genre and SY is obsessed with him. LBH is all that.

But SY? He seems like a kind of normal guy, except that he is so fundamentally weird. Dude rage died because of an online novel he didn't even like. An online novel he religiously followed to rage and hate on the author. To then transmigrate into the novel's world and taking that in stride as well. Really slipping into the poser persona that SJ crafted for SQQ just much much kinder. To use the opportunity to hang out with all his favorite characters and be kind to them but never quite thinking of them as persons or really thinking about what his actions may mean to a person. Just hanging out having a good ol' time never thinking about anything ever, except beasts and what LBH may be up to. Purely out of intellectual interest of course. To repress his feelings so hard about everything some readers seem to get the honest to god impression SY doesn't like LBH. As the protagonist of a danmei!

It would be so easy if we knew of any trauma that caused SY's bizarre mix of obession/repression. But he seems to come from a loving family that he loved in turn. Not that he brings up their loss through the transmigration ever if he can help it. He didn't have to worry about money. His insane wifebeam must have been present in his first life. We have no indication that he changed his behavior as SY in the transmigration and this dude is charming to a degree that borders on protagonist halo. He seems to passingly resemble SQQ meaning he must have at least been handsome. I love fanon terminally ill or disabled SY because it does fit him so well but we have no indication that canon SY has had any issues with his health. His mental health seems okayish to the degree it is in SVSSS - which like the repression speaks of deep emotional issues. But nothing SY would have let himself think about, obviously.

My point is - I really like SY being so fundamentally weird without being given any proper reason. I don't think he quite realizes himself that he is weird. That it may be unusual to have your whole life uprooted, transmigrating into a fictional world (one that he at least knows well) as the main antagonist faced with a horrifying death and just shrug and go, well best I can do it malewife my way into living through this - without intending it in a gay way at all!!

He somehow dissociates so well from his own feelings that he dotes on LBH, truly to an extraordinaty degree that other peaks know of their close bond even before his year-long grief seclusion, without ever considering what such care could mean for a person like LBH. He repeatedly gets affectionate with men excplicitly because he's like we're all men here, this is not weird. I'd excuse SY if he were from a more repressed society where being gay would be a real social taboo that nobody speaks about. But he's from the modern world! He knows of gay people!

It may be that PIDW as a stallion novel never featured gay sex between men in the original - there was plenty of lesbian sex within the harem, although like probably only for Bingge's benefit. We don't know! Bingge's is portrayed as THE straight protagonist, it may be that SY just assumed being straight was compulsory for all men within the world as a result. But! Peerless Cucumber actively knew of people shipping the men in PIDW and even defended them against hate. But that of course cannot possibly apply to him so we're just not thinking about it :)

It's just... for a protagonist in a romance SY has such an active dislike for his feelings. And not even a conscious one! There are plenty of tsundere type protagonists out there who are very vocal about their emotional repression and dislike for expressing their emotions. That's not SY. Not even in his own internal monologue does he admit to himself that he is uncomfortable with his own feelings. He glosses over them with expectations no one actually demands of him - it's shameful for a man to submit to another man (is it shameful for a man to submit - not even sexually necessarily just being captured by an almighty demon king? is that truly a matter of masculine pride?), it's shameful to having his grief brought up in front of others, it's shameful to express anything beyond platonic or familial affection for a man, it's shameful to initiate sex, it's shameful to be loud during sex. He feels more comfortable putting himself into the female role in an interaction, which is also shameful but apparently less so than acknowledging that two men may be in a scenario that he feels would be romantically or sexually charged in a hetereosexual interaction.

SY is lucky LBH doesn't have the same hang-ups, which honestly I would feel would be more understandable from all of the abuse he experienced. SY has no apparent reason for being so emotionally and sexually repressed. He lived a pretty privileged life. And I think that must have been intentional on MXTX's part. It would have been so so easy to give SY a semblance of traumatic backstory that informs his weird hang-ups here. An absent family, bullying, an illness, depression, loss of a friend, truly anything would have given readers something to hold on to why SY has such weird hang-ups about his own feelings. But she didn't. And I think that serves even more to highlight how destructive compulsory hetereosexuality and toxic masculinity is. SY doesn't even read as a particularly toxic masculine man. He has no issues about other men crying (seems to enjoy taking care of them rather), he has no issue with being compared to women even outside of sexual or romantic context (think riding in the carriage while QQQ while LMY rides her horse), he acknowledges and defends gay shipping. He actively cheers for stronger women and a big issue of his with PIDW seems to be how one-dimensional the women were written, only serving as a new papapapa chapter.

And even as a not particularly toxic man, he has such deep issues with his own emotions, it causes most of svsss' plot to develop how he treats his own and other men's feelings. MXTX actively gave him a pretty privileged and open-minded starting position and still SY was so informed by what he expected of a manly conduct, thought and truly just a lack of feelings, he nearly caused the end of the world and the death of his boyfriend. It took him like 800 pages to have sex with a man and even longer to admit out loud that he is in love. Not even expressly. implied.

To me that makes SY such a compelling character. Probably kind of reminds me of my own repressive tendencies but also because not even in the extras, during or after their wedding he really acknowledges it as a problem. LBH doesn't seem to mind, not that I think he would mind anything his shizun does. And their dynamic works well for them - the whining bingmei and SY can keep his poser act that makes him feel so secure. SVSSS to an extent is a story of SY growing into his own feelings but really only to an extent. He's far far away from having a healthy relationship with them. He may not be actively repressing them or wilfully ignoring LBH's but he certainly isn't willing to really look at them beyond the shame he so often carries and glosses over. He'll do it for LBH's sake but really only then. And I think that's why bingmei and SY work so well but read a bit off-putting maybe to many readers. LBH's whining forces SY to look at his own feelings in order to care for LBH. Which an emotional healthy person would probably be able to pretty easily do on their own. But for SY it's such a monumental task that only his very deep love and care for LBH makes him do it. And that's a decidely unhealthy dynamic but works well for both of them, I think. I'm gonna make another posts someday about what LBH's abuse and neglect means for his ability to accept love and care and why then SY's aloof persona and their shizun/disciple dynamic maybe gives him the framework to be able to accept that.

But yeah SY is a deeply repressed weird obsessive person which emotional issues the size of China but he hides it remarkably well behind his aloof act and humour. And I think that makes SVSSS all the more compelling as a commentary on gender roles, romantic fiction and social expectations.

[wanderingcritter]

Jumping on the species transition plans trend lol, here are some ways I plan to physically and socially transition !

Physical:

• Fang Implants

- I will get these if it kills me.

• Digitigrade Leg Prosthetics

- Stupid expensive but omfg these would bring me sm euphoria, even if I could only wear them every now and then. Paws crossed they'll become cheaper and more accessible in the near future.

• Realistic Tail with Silicone Core

- Also generally pricey but significantly more accessible. I love wearing taxidermy tails but am always frustrated by how disproportionate they are to the size of my body and how they just limply hang there, having smth that looks more natural and moves with my body would be huge.

• Tattoos

- Unsure of what exactly I'd want, maybe paw/hopf prints on the backs of my hands?

• Colored Contacts

- Would need to find some that are comfortable, durable, and don't impact my vision too much (im blind enough as is), but Im very ready to go "It's the fluorescents 😒" mode.

• Reflective Contacts

- I have absolutely no idea if these are real things or not but I would actually kill a man to have contacts that reflect back when someone shines a light on them in the dark.

• Piercings

- Idk lots of piercings just give me werewolf vibes ig lol, currently planning to get a second industrial, 1-2 eyebrow piercings, and snakebites.

• Muscles

- Having more visible muscles/being strong is very animalistic to me, after all most animals in the wild have to be physically fit to survive.

• Realistic Ear Headband

- Goes along the tail, would love to wear these frequently and casually out in public. Kemonomimi gaining popularity has opened up so many possibilities to me it's epic.

• Top Surgery

- Species identity and gender identity are deeply linked for me, most things that are gender affirming are also species affirming and vice versa. Having a flat chest would feel hella animal-like.

Social:

• Come Out to Friends and Family

- This is definitely the biggest one. Unfortunately greater society isn't really ready for species transition, but some individuals definitely are. Basically just let those I trust know who I am, and that it would be wonderful if they could refer to me as nonhuman when they can :]

• Unmask Animalistic Behaviors in Public

- Be less afraid to be a little more nonhuman around others like it's the most normal thing in the world. Using my hand to bat at my ear when it itches, yip and whimper to accentuate words, practice quadrobics, etc.

• Advocacy

- Talk to people irl about nonhuman identities, be visible at events, create informative resources, even if it's scary. Most people have no idea that we exist, showing them that we're out there and here to stay paves the way for successful transition on a larger scale.

Hopefully more options will become possible soon, those of us looking to pursue species transition are kinda limited by the technology of our time, which sucks balls. Especially for someone like me who doesn't like body/facial hair or extreme body mods, I dont have too many realistic options for the time being. Oh well, just means I'll have to get creative i guess.

[idllytarott]

Your Past Love Life vs. Your Future Love Life (Intuitive Reading)

intuitive reading RED CODED hope you like it uwu

This Venus Retrograde on Aries is making numbers on people. Are you thinking of an ex, of the past, of your love failures a lot lately? Let's see what MY INTUITION has to say to you! Pick a pile or picture between 1 and 4.

ATTENTION: this is a reading based on Intuition and NOT on Tarot. Take everything with a grain of salt, and leave what doesn't serve you behind.

𝑷𝑰𝑳𝑬 𝑶𝑵𝑬

What was your Past Love Life like?: For you, I am getting someone who is very temperamental in love, fast, ambitious, a lot of cat and mouse romance was common for you, where you felt like you should be the one to make the first move always. In the past, or even very recently until now, you've had romantic partners that weren't so good for you. Unrequited love, or on the extreme, toxic and possessive behavior. Your love life is usually filled with, not violent per say, but very toxic or impulsive people or decisions. You know this, but yet, you wonder why were you always failing at love? It is kind of your own doing. You go or went after people that seem very interesting, very appealing by their "DANGEROUS" sign, and you complain once they show you why they were not a good idea in the first place. You needed to make these mistakes, don't blame yourself for eeeeeverythiing. You love deeply, but not the right people. Your Past Love Life can be plagued by conflict, feeling like you must be the strongest one in the connection, like you HAVE to fight for love. Being optimistic, going after what or who you want, is totally okay. Feeling like you constantly have to fight for a person's attention, is not. It's not normal, it's not something that is convenient for you, eve if you're used to it, you seem to always go after emotionally unavailable people so you do all the flirting part (you like being dominant!), or so you don't have to worry about compromising, and then, when you fall for them, you suffer a lot. You should learn that, while opposites attract is true and you like people that are diverse and different, you can't go after people you absolutely would despise otherwise, don't put yourself in uncomfortable or intense situations just because you like to spice things up.

How is Your Future Love Life?: Let me start by saying; very calm. It will be a very calm, tranquil, and easygoing phase. You seem to have learned about your poor decision making in love, and, maybe you won't be dating dating, but you'll be taking time for yourself, be alone with your expectations in love and your flaws in love too. You will be reflecting a lot about the past, specially on this Venus Retrograde time, a lot of things will be coming back at once. And you'll be like "Why did I put myself on these dangerous situations with people I didn't even like?" It will be, to say the least, very eye-opening. Something that'll be happening in a no so near future, will be meeting someone very calm, someone who is the opposite of the kind of people you like. And, honestly? You might not even pay attention to them at first, it could be a friend of a friend, someone in passing, a classmate, a coworker, somebody you see from time to time and just never think anything of. It'll be someone who is biding their time with you. They'll notice you, alright. They will notice a lot of you, you're a person difficult not to notice, wether be your height, hair color, personality, style, voice, just vibes, there is something about you that is difficult not to pay attention to, and this person will loooove it. I'm, quite frankly, getting a little bit of stalker vibe, somebody who is very patient, will never force you or bother you to notice them, but they will notice you at first sight, and will be very attracted to your energy. I can't say the same for you, you will not notice this person as anything else than someone you know, I'm kind of feeling a unrequited love. Somebody will like you, but you won't feel the same. You can decide what to do with this information, this will be a person that is soft-spoken, patient as I said, very attractive, calm, but will not do anything about there feelings for you, so I doubt you even notice if they like you or not. This person will not risk anything to tell you how they feel, very intuitive, very sensible to other's energies, and they might sense that you will be very closed off to meeting new people on the romantic field.

Astrological placements for you: Aries Sun, Aries Venus, Fire Sign stellium, Sun in 10th, Sun in 8th house, Venus in 10th house, Sagittarius Mars, Gemini Mars, Gemini Venus or Sun.

Astrological placements for them: Gemini Sun as well, Aquarius Rising, Aquarius Venus or Sun, Aquarius Stellium, Aries Mars, Pisces Moon or Venus, Libra Mars, Air dominant person, Venus in an Air sign, Sun or Venus in 12th house, or 12th house stellium.

my catalog of readings for you <3

Song for you:

𝑷𝑰𝑳𝑬 𝑻𝑾𝑶

What is your Past Love Life like?: You are very pretty, so stupidly pretty. You are someone who just... Calls everyone's attention, your face, your expressions, the way you talk to people specifically, very charming, your Past Love Life was plagued by people trying to rip open your heart or your mind and see why you are the way you are, and what can't they take from you. I see there have been more people interested in you than you know. Your love life might not have been the most interesting, at least to you, I see someone who's either been in one or two looooooooong relationships, or someone who's liked the same person for a very long time. You don't have a variety of people you've dated, and you never minded that. Your partners were very educated, eloquent, smart, incredibly chatty, or at least with you. I don't specifically see big, disastrous experiences in love. But, for you, they've been more psychological. I feel like you've really only dated one person, it was a very long relationship and it changed you a lot psychologically, or you've always been caught up on that one person you always liked and never dated. Because here, things were very stagnant, you were very patient in a situation where you didn't have to be. Stayed in a relationship or a situation longer than you had to, to be compliant or to be polite, while you were withering inside. You went through more adult-like experiences in love, you were in very serious situations in love at a very young age, probably a years long relationship as a teen, and it caused you to see love as a chore, as a responsibility, and not as something nice that happens to someone. Whoever you dated or were hung up in, was very serious or very intense, very romantic but very dramatic, and you had to learn a lot of hard, adult lessons about love too young, living together or economic imbalance in relationships or family drama in relationships or distance or moving away, it was always love but with a lot of reality checking, like you couldn't just enjoy it, you were always have to think of all of these possible outcomes or real situations that can happen to two people when they're dating, it always felt like doing errands to you, to love. Because your partner(s) put all the responsibility in you, emotionally and mentally and even monetarily! You grew up too fast too soon!

How is your Future Love Life?: I see so much fun, so, so much entertainment. So much childlike joy, I don't particularly see you dating a lot of people or hooking up with people, you like one person, and if that person likes you back, you stay with them, firm and solid as a rock. You will probably be entering a new, lasting relationship in the near future, if you haven't already. You'll meet somebody who will match you in levels you never really thought were important, like, this person will not only be reliable but also very fun! And you might had never have that before, because your previous experiences were more serious or intense, there wasn't much space for spontaneity or fun. But with this new person, there is, they will be very like you in that sense, very charming, likeable and pretty, your next partner and you will share a lot of attributes in personality and on what you two like. It will be something that happens slowly, even softly, you might start as friends, coworkers or classmates, and it will evolve into something more romantic as time goes on, it will be very sweet at first, I think that, the problem in this connection might be the lack of intensity. You two will be too shy to say what you want the other to do to you or with you, that is something that you two will have to work in, the feelings for each other will be there, it'll be difficult for you two to show it more physically. I see it more on your part, being used to more serious or stoic people, you will not know what to do with someone so alive and fun and that desires you as much as you desire them. There will be many moments where you'll have to learn to not compromise your own mental health or capacity to take on responsibility, for the sake of somebody else. This person will never ask you to do such a thing.

Astrological placements for you: Capricorn Sun or Moon, Capricorn Stellium, Virgo Venus or Virgo Sun, 11th house Stellium, Earth Rising, Taurus Moon, Libra Moon, Libra Stellium.

Astrological placements for them: Taurus Sun or Moon, 9th house Stellium, Libra Sun, Aries Moon, Aries Rising, Gemini Rising, Leo Venus, Leo Mercury.

my catalog of readings for you <3

Song for you:

𝑷𝑰𝑳𝑬 𝑻𝑯𝑹𝑬𝑬

What was your Past Love Life like?: You are more passive than aggressive in love, you usually go about your love life and romance with your heart on your sleeve. I'd say you've had quite a few complicated love affairs, involving manipulation or coercion. You were, or are, a sweet soul, naive and impulsive. You don't think through before jumping into something new and end up in very traumatic situations with people you give your all to. In the past, not too long ago I'd dare to say, you went through a really bad breakup with someone who was very obsessive or a really bad situationship with a person who felt very defensive when said no. You didn't see what was behind the scenes, or how this person truly was, got caught up in a momentary feeling and ended up in extreme situations. Sadly, it's not uncommon for you, love gives you as much pain as it gives you hope, no matter how much it hurts you, you'll still come back the next day to try again. And I wouldn't particularly say you had a lot of partners, but maybe you did. You love love, you like crushes and idealize people, idealize people too much. This kind of behavior in love had attracted really weird people that wanted to take you and imprison you. Your partners or flings or even people that you don't know, romantically, want your energy, want to own you and have you to show to the world. I don't know why, it's very prominent or strong, this energy, specifically with you. People you've had something with feel the most intense emotions towards you that can't be explained, and they don't know how to show it normally, because you go after eccentric or weird people, so they treat you like an object. I know, it seems like a lot, but if you really look to the past and reflect, you'll see a pattern. The last person you liked probably didn't treat you very nicely, probably was rude or mean, but when you decided to pull away from this person all together, they got really defensive. They don't like that you can care a lot one second, make them feel important, and then not care at all, and forget forever about them, the next. This pile is being very intense, and you might not believe it at first when reading it, I feel like you suppress a lot of trauma from love.

How is your Future Love Life like?: The tables are not turning, not just yet. You've reached a personal milestone, and I feel like, in the past, you had a haaaardddd time saying no, and a hard time being alone. You're learning a lot from solitude, although it might not be by choice, this solitude is bringing you some sort of peace to a decade long pain you've been carrying. Specifically, this Venus Retrograde is really going to make you reflect long term on what do you really want from a partner, their personality, lifestyle, how they treat others, and specially, how they treat you. You will be facing a Dark Night Of The Soul as it's called in spirituality, if you're not already going through it. Things are breaking and bending, if you've been unsatisfied in a relationship, or in any relationship for that matter, it'll be put aside, discarded, you will be moving onwards with your life in a more "secluded" way, or in a more introspective way, you'll learn to respect your own time and to not give anything for free. You're too giving, you like to like, to be liked, to be loved, you search in others, things you already have inside you. I see that in the future, you'll be more focused on monetary ventures, on realistic planning and making your dreams come true, wether moving to another city, finding your ideal job, starting your own business or studying the career of your dreams. I'll be honest, you'll put too much emphasis on goals and money and materialistic gains, and you'll turn into somebody much much more independent, but colder, too. I see these new experiences will shift your perspective of life and they will make you colder on the outside, you'll start being very selective. Nonetheless, the less you try to find love, the quicker it'll try to find you. In a more distant future, you'll meet someone very new, very eye-opening for you, it will be somebody who, might not check all the boxes or have the criteria you might be looking for in a partner in the future, but this person will be wild for your self-descovery, someone very charming, social, bruised by love in a different way than you. This person can be the type of person you have as an ex, but this one will be very healed, the patterns they might have could be the same your ex's had with you. But this person is not for a long run, just a good time. A good lesson in love, someone unforgettable but not eternal. You will have a more detached relationship, it will not be something of partners, I see two adults having fun and learning a lot from each other. This person will learn a lot from you emotionally and psychologically, and you will learn from them sexual experience and confidence in your own body. This person will make you feel very desired by them, like they will look at you and their cheeks just blush in arousal, I'm being serious, there will be a lot of sexual energy, with potential of power imbalance, but never reaching a boiling point. This is why, I'm telling you it's not for the long run, you two will not really want to commit to anything, specially you, you'll be very guarded and try to be as independent as you can. This person will feel like breeze from love, untouched by compromise and unserious in general. It's a really lovely energy, very karmic or "meant to happen" kind of thing. This person is meant to teach you to detach from the outcome, not want to posses, to enjoy the moment and to accept that you can have some sort of love without sacrifice, even if it's not what you want right now.

Astrological placements for you: Cancer Sun, Cancer Venus or Cancer Stellium. Scorpio Rising, Scorpio Sun, Gemini Sun or Moon, Libra Stellium, Sagittarius Sun or Venus, 12th house Stellium, 8th house Stellium, Venus-Pluto aspects, Venus-Mars aspects as well.

Astrological placements for them: Sagittarius Sun, Rising, Sagittarius Stellium, Scorpio Sun or Venus, Libra Venus or Mercury, Mercury in 8th house or 7th house, Libra Rising, Aries Venus or Aries Sun, 8th house Stellium as well. You two might share a lot of similar placements in your charts, Martian and Jupitarian energy is strong.

my catalog of readings for you <3

Song for you:

𝑷𝑰𝑳𝑬 𝑭𝑶𝑼𝑹

How is your Past Love Life like?: I'm getting the impression of someone who has a difficult time letting go of things and of people. You collect things and treasure them, save every gift, every book, remember every nice word and every bad one. In regards to your romantic life, it has been rough, not always. Most of the pain you've endured were self-inflected, your unwillingness to let go or forget has made it difficult for you to go through breakups. I feel like you've had your fair share of relationships and breakups, I'd say normal. But to you, they're all important and hold meaning to the person you are now. The road has been very turbulent, rocks and holes have been more constant, your decisions on who you let enter in your life is only with a little bit of discernment, you are very passionate, so extremely passionate that you feel like you could die during the act. You give your all to whoever you're dating, so, when they leave, they take a chunk of you with them. Your intensity is so not overlooked, you've constructed this image of poise and calmness in your exterior life, but people who know you, know, that you are so intense, so, so, you're the calm and also the storm. I don't particularly notice or see a specific relationship that has left you scarred, actually, it's more so of a collection of heartbreaks. You feel like you just can't find the right person and you're scared of putting yourself out there, you just want to find your twin flame and settle down with them. But that's you then, the you of the past is so attached to finding the one. You're a dreamer, under the realistic perception and constant movement facade, you dream of a perfect person, you've crafted this person head to toe, even in personality, in physicality, you've dreamt this person and stayed awake perfecting them. This might be a wild assumption, but it might also be true. You've dealt with disappointment very badly, you are extremely loyal, to a fault, and give people may opportunities before it's all over. You're kind of severe, because, as I said, you already have constructed in your mind your exact type, and people who don't accomplish those expectations, are not worth it for you. You've enclosed yourself in idealization of a person that does not exist.

How is your Future Love Life like?: In the future, things will be.... Widely different. The person you've imagined in your head, your perfect match, your twin flame, might already exist. And that might just be you. Now, I'm not saying you're your own soulmate, but... I'm saying you just want to date another version of yourself, when that's not what you need, it will not be what you want, if you eve get to have it. You need to find someone in the middle, I'd say, for you, don't go too opposites attract, because it doesn't work on you either. But, in the future, you will meet someone who will meet you in the middle, if you are an introverted person, the one you'll meet will be someone who is extroverted, but who posses deepness in their emotions and isn't scared to be on their own. If you are a writer, you will not meet a muse, per say, your person might be a cinephile, a music enthusiast, love to read books, but not write them. This person will be an equal, not someone who doesn't know your interests, or someone who wants to outshine you, but a person who understands your desires of the heart, because they'll have one of their own, even if it's not exactly the same. This person is very marked throughout this pile, it's very important for your growth, as a creative? To meet them, to interact with them, to date them. This person might not really fit your check boxes, maybe far and few in-between, and you'll be very adamant to give this person a chance, but it'll happen anyways. It'll happen to of nowhere, it will not be expected, or planned, you will just meet once, and know. The future is not as far as you think it is, if you're single; you might meet the soon, if you're in a relationship; it's not them.

Astrological placements for you: Leo Sun or Rising, Leo Venus, Cancer Moon, Scorpio or Capricorn Mars, Taurus Sun or Taurus Venus, 6th or 7th house Stellium, Pisces Rising, Cancer Rising, Aquarius Sun or Venus, Aquarius Stellium, Venus Retrograde in Natal Chart.

Astrological placements for them: Leo Sun, Gemini Sun or Moon, Gemini Stellium, Capricorn Rising, Aquarius Moon, Scorpio Moon, Aries Stellium, Scorpio Rising, Taurus Rising, 5th house Stellium.

my catalog of readings for you <3

Song for you:

Girl whaaaaaaaaaaatttttttt you guys better CHILL.

[demonstars]

ok sorry still here because I'm thinking about hurricane fic but like. actually I do hate it when people are like "lol how did dream get that bad about thinking george was going to leave him he literally moved to the us for him" LIKE IT'S NOT JUST THAT it's an entire thing about dream feeling like florida is insufficient for george because he know that george doesn't like it as much as dream has hoped/pictured him too and he wants the best for george and puts george's needs and wants above his own and he's looking at this "issue" with his best attempt of unbiased lenses which told him the natural conclusion to this was supporting george in his upcoming Going To LA. and he's Aware a good reason for george moving is himself, because he says that maybe what he will do to compromise for this is do LA/FL fifty fifty because he still loves florida but he knows and loves george just as well, and I'm sure they discussed wanting to live together before that. "but nunki," you guys say, "the most insane thing is george finding a new partner." WELL again It is after all dream's best approximation to Being Normal about My Best Friend lenses it's not actually normal people behavior so when he thinks about george being alone in LA for half of the year he absolutely thinks george will find a partner there that suits him better because he is incapable of thinking that anyone george meets in a romantic lenses wouldn't want to marry him and he's reacting to that in an Appropriate Dream Way which is discussing it on stream. and it's still connected to george not liking florida enough thus like needing to make his home away when dream knows he won't ever give up florida so it does make sense In his crazy girl way. it's demonic but it's actually a very sensible approach if you consider what dream knows and thinks at that moment ok STOP BEING MEAN TO HIM

[prettyboykatsuki]

I have not stopped thinking about that puppy play + zayne snippet you posted. Dude. Dude. What the fuck. Dude. Idk why the two concepts didn't mesh in my mind until now but I feel like you've opened up a third eye. This is so gravely serious this isn't a joke. Dude. Grabbing you by the shoulders and looking you in the eyes.

IT MAKES ME SOOOOOOOO WEIRD ANON .

once again the puppy girl thing rlly isn’t a bit for me but i SWEAR it’s not just delusion. i am the first person who will admit when a character has things they like that i am not into okay!!!

but zayne is . so puppy owner. he 1. roleplays with mc all the time to make her smile and does it SO effortlessly so the kind of hang ups ppl would assume he has don’t even exist and 2. it gives him!!!!! a chance!!!!!! to express his affection as openly as he likes. i know people like brat tamer zayne and like,,, i get it i DO. i do think he can be disciplinary when it calls for it.

but MORE THAN THAT, i think he is so so so affectionate. he struggles to express it openly (though he has improved sm…omg my baby) but like,,, you being his Puppy gives him so much room to really really spoil you. in a way it helps him stop being conscious of how he’s meant to navigate his own feelings. spoiling a puppy, playing with it, indulging it—all of that is expected and normal. and those are things he genuinely wants to give you

ON TOP OF THAT . zayne canonly really wants to be spoiled By Mc. he makes a lot of comments on it when he’s drunk during absolute zeal. i think experiencing your Puppy Behavior and your relentless excitement and affection feels soooooo good for him. it’s not master / pup as much as its owner / pup. your overwhelming affection and pawing is soooo nice for him like it makes him feel rather loved!!!!!!! like fuck!!!!!!

i will always admit when i’m delusional but i SWEAR it fits him so good anon and it makes me!!!!!!!!!!!!

[crinkly-spinkly]

Hey, are you planning on speaking up about some of these posts I've been hearing about regarding you and some of your peers? It's a lot of really serious accusations and such, even if its getting very little traction seemingly /gen /srs

Listen, those of y'all who have known me in this fandom know that I take my posts seriously, making sure I take the proper precautions to label and censor my adult content appropriately and abide by Tumblr's Guidelines.

I don't know anything about Haru's past other than what he's told me, but I know Nirmal hasn't given anyone a reason why we should believe a word she says. She has been very well known to create multiple accounts and stage conversations in the past to try and make other people look bad on her behalf.

As far as I'm aware, this woman is throwing a toddler tantrum because I told her, speaking as an admin of the model train group community she was in...

(That she later on called a harem because I'm the only afab person in the admin group - taking normal club group photos we've taken at events and saying LOOK SHE'S PROBABLY FUCKING THEM - sexualizing myself and dozens of other people without our consent. Actual fucking sociopath behavior)...

... that she was "discouraged from attending the shows we attend as a group due to her behavior online".

Because you know, she made us all actively uncomfortable!!

This all began with her calling someone she thought was a minor a slur.

And can I go on a brief tangent to mention the belittling of sex workers? - It's not just all about the obvious fake porn bot scams. It's a legitimate profession with heavily administered safety regulations. She would learn this if she took a step back and educated herself for two fucking seconds, but no. Her word is law and we must chastise anyone who exposes a fucking collarbone.

Comparing OF models to murderers is psychotic.

And even moreso is telling all this to someone she thought was A CHILD and then telling them to GET STUFFED.

And THAT all started because she brazenly lumped Palestinians with scammers, got called out for it (initially by a minor in this screenshot) and then proceeded to react with name-calling and aggressive bullying to anyone who disagreed with her views because she is actually incapable of talking to anyone like a normal human being.

Now she's upset by the real life adult consequences of her actions, because she believes she's untouchable for being "born first". She's grasping at every straw she can make up to drag down myself and anyone who interacts with me by:

- making up conspiracies with little "evidence" other than copy/pasting textbook definitions of psychology terms

- smearing 20+ personal pictures of myself (none of which imply any sexual nature), my partner, and dozens of fandom members (including minors) scraped from any social media she can find so she can spout her fucked up sexual hypotheticals

- posting my +18 art publicly and claiming it's pedophilia/a danger to minors because it's themed around TTTE, even though the art is of consenting human adults, posted under an account that states minors are not allowed to interact, and full versions are locked behind a paywall where you need to prove you're +18 to pay for it,

- and making 600 alternate accounts to scream about how a significant chunk of the fandom is "victimizing her" for not being allowed to get her own way.

Meanwhile she's still found talking publicly to minors about how she "hates genitals/young genitals" and going into inappropriately excessive personal details in conversations.

Where is she getting the idea that I'm acting inappropriately with minors when she is literally doing that???

Tell me these aren't the ramblings of a mentally unstable individual.

Mentally sound adults in their 40's don't fucking do this.

This is exactly why we don't want her at events anymore!! Because we don't want to have to do damage control if she can't keep the topic of hating sex out of her mouth in every fucking discussion!!

In regards to my +18 art, my censored preview images are labeled appropriately as mature sexual content, posted under the appropriate tags to avoid being seen in mainstream tags, and I make it known in my bio that minors should not interact with this blog or they will be blocked. And I often encourage anyone to speak up in case anything gets missed or overlooked.

At the end of the day, it's the parents' responsibility to monitor their children's internet access. As the artist, I am only responsible for taking the right avenues to make sure that this type of content is only seen in the appropriate places. Not just to respect minors' safety, but to respect those who do not wish to see such content. It's why I keep that shit under a separate pseudonym.

If you're actively seeking out my adult content, then you've purposely chosen to disregard the warnings and disclaimers. That is YOUR fault.

In public, a responsible artist should keep that content separated from professional settings.

You know, not like this:

Meanwhile she's on multiple social media platforms, blasting explicit material in public mainstream tags so she can show that I'M the "degenerate predator" and should be burned at the stake.

Imagine you're at a convention or public event - and this random crotchety middle aged woman waltzes in with a dress covered in Gordon's face, waving around a big banner of some random person's censored pornography of consenting adults, screaming about how she's disgusted by sex and the fact these images exist.

Notice how the artist isn't waving that shit around?

Yeah, the police would be called in a heartbeat.

And this is all while pretending she's her own fan saying she's "done nothing wrong".

We know it's you, Nirmal. You're not slick, sweetie.

"Disturbingly Sexual Art" and "sexualizing human forms", god forbid an adult is attracted to another adult. Just because nobody finds you attractive, doesn't mean everyone has to bow down to your conservative brainworms.

So to you, the Anon reading this, take all this as you will and make your own judgements as you see fit. All I know is that I'm done catering to the whims of a random batshit lunatic woman on the internet, who names her cat after a character she wants to hypocritically fuck, with nothing better to do in her middle aged lonesome life than pick fights with strangers in the Thomas the Tank Engine fandom, because she wasn't allowed to get away with abusing minors.

In my humble opinion, she better shape the fuck up and take action to better herself... or she can go drag her face across some grass and swallow the dog shit she finds along the way.

Either way, I'm done. I'm tired. I have bigger adult matters to worry about like the three jobs I work, the state of our crumbling nation, neighbors at risk of getting deported, and making sure my family and special needs brother in law still have fucking healthcare.

Not that she would know anything about empathy. She's most likely gonna say I might be fucking them too because I live in her head rent free and she loves nothing more than fantasizing about people in fucked up illegal sexual situations 🫶

I'm not responsible for parenting her adult-child ass and teaching her how to behave like a normal human being. None of us are.

That's on her and her alone.

If someone says I should respect them because they're old enough to be my mother, then they better fucking act like it.

This is the last post I'm making about this.

This weekend's Patreon post will be up on Sunday.

[hrizantemy]

The Weaponization of “Interpretation” in the ACOTAR Fandom

One of the most frustrating aspects of the ACOTAR fandom isn’t just the toxic dynamics within the books—it’s how a portion of readers respond to critique, especially when it comes to uncomfortable truths about race, power, gender, and narrative bias. There’s a particular attitude that gets thrown around whenever someone dares to challenge the dominant reading of the story, and it’s essentially this: “I can read it however I want, and if you don’t like it, just ignore it.”

On the surface, it sounds harmless. Everyone should be able to interpret art, right? Isn’t that what stories are for?

Yes—and no. Because this attitude isn’t really about interpretation. It’s about avoiding accountability for the biases and implications embedded in those interpretations. It’s used not to invite dialogue, but to shut it down.

What makes it worse is that this behavior often comes from readers who are the most vocal in defending the canon characters—especially Rhysand, and the Inner Circle—as infallible, morally perfect, and beyond critique. These are the same people who masculinize Emerie, demonize Nesta, infantilize Feyre, and ignore the colonialist, classist, and misogynistic structures in Prythian, all while claiming they’re just “having fun” with the story. But the moment someone points out that their interpretation upholds harmful tropes or flattens characters of color, they double down, insisting that fiction is off-limits to criticism.

What they’re really saying is: “I don’t want to think about what my interpretation says about me or the world I live in.”

And look—no one’s interpretation is neutral. Every reader brings their worldview to a text. That’s normal. But when people aggressively defend readings that erase marginalized characters, glorify abusive power structures, or uphold racist and sexist tropes—and then cry censorship when they’re called out for it—that’s not just annoying. It’s dangerous.

Because stories shape culture. Stories inform our understanding of love, power, justice, and identity. And when a fandom refuses to reckon with the uglier parts of those stories—when it insists that any discomfort is “just your opinion”—what it’s really doing is creating a space where critical thinking is punished and harmful ideas are celebrated.

You are allowed to interpret a story in whatever way you want. But once you share that interpretation publicly—especially in a fandom space—you don’t get to act shocked when people respond. You don’t get to cry “bullying” when someone says, “Hey, that reading is actually kind of racist/sexist/classist.” You’re participating in a conversation, whether you like it or not.

This fandom has a habit of hiding behind the idea of “personal interpretation” to excuse the dehumanization of certain characters (Lucien, Nesta, Emerie, Eris), while worshipping others (Rhys, Feyre, Azriel) with a level of aggression that borders on propaganda. And when you question that narrative? Suddenly you’re “too serious,” “toxic,” or “just hating for no reason.”

But it is serious. Because the characters people uplift, the ones they rewrite, the ones they silence or erase or demonize—it all reveals something. And if you’re not willing to examine that? You’re not interpreting the book. You’re reinforcing your own biases and using the story as a shield.

So no—it’s not just fiction. And it’s not just an interpretation.

It’s a choice. And we’re allowed to interrogate the ones you make.

And let me be clear: this is not me saying only I get to judge. You’re absolutely allowed to question why I like Nesta, why I don’t vibe with Cassian, why I’m critical of Morrigan’s flat characterization. Ask me. I will answer. I have answered. I’m not afraid of critique. I welcome it—because that’s what makes fandom richer.

But what I won’t do is accept the idea that “critique = hate” and “neutrality = attack.” If you can write endless metas about how Rhys is secretly the most benevolent ruler in Prythian while overseeing Illyria’s mutilation camps, I can write one about how Nesta’s anger is valid, or how Eris might be a victim of his own environment. That’s not me overstepping. That’s engaging.

You’re allowed to read how you want. But I’m allowed to ask why. And if that question threatens your enjoyment of the story? Maybe the issue isn’t me. Maybe it’s the narrative you’ve built to protect your favorite characters from accountability.

[selfindulgentpixies]

Follow you through your rain

Dazai x gn!reader

Summary: Tensions in the office since new member Dazai Osamu joined the agency have run high between him and Kunikida Doppo but they're not the only one's affected.

--

So this is an idea I haven't really been able to shake for a while and really does tie into my own selfship lore with Dazai (and eventual polyship lore with him and chuuya) but is presented in a way that can be enjoyed by anyone here. I will probably continue to present this lore in snippets like this. This is the earliest set lore thus far. Maybe i'll write something actually set during dazai's entrance exam later.

cw: reader having a panic attack, gn!reader, reader has some description and is described as shorter than dazai and kunikida (get's called little by dazai)

---

You’d made a point to stay out of their little ‘spats’ if you could call them that since Dazai had joined the agency. Kunikida’s high strung nature had already been a thing that had fed your own stress but it had been tolerable enough. Kunikida was two years your senior and like you, a student under Fukuzawa, you respected him. Mostly.  

This new push and pull though, this new tension. It was itching under your skin. The increase in yelling, and the physical lashing out– while it didn’t seem to overly bother Dazai himself who was the one provoking the behavior further, it was definitely starting to take toll on you. 

Things reach breaking point early one drizzly afternoon. Not because it’s any worse than normal but because of where you happen to be. Or rather they happen to. You’re not even paying attention to what it is that’s going on, more focused on your own work. Dazai is goofing off, that much is evident and he’s standing near your work area. That’s not what starts the static between your ears. Kunikida’s yelling is what does that. Your eyes finally follow the sound as it raises in volume, see him reaching for Dazai and just as he’s about to get a grip on him, you know what that grip means, but you’re standing and the side of your palm connects with the underside of Kunikida’s wrist and smacks his hand away. “That is enough.” You do not shout, but you might as well have. Your voice is firm and silences the entire office.  

Kunikida is staring down at you, wide eyed and stunned, his own anger at Dazai evidently forgotten for the moment. You’re normally respectful, sweet even, but right now you’re looking at him with steel hardened eyes. Inside your chest your heart beats wildly. You swallow bile to speak evenly. “Whatever Dazai-san has done I highly doubt it warrants all your yelling, but I doubt even more that it warrants physical violence, Kunikida-san.” Kunikida isn't the only one staring at you, Dazai is as well, surprise clear on his face. Surprise and something else shining from just under the surface.

Just as soon as your outburst happens though, you’re turning on your heel, unable to handle the stares of not only the two taller men but also the other office staff and the beginnings of their murmurs. 

You think you hear Kunikida call after you. Did he sound worried? It didn’t matter. You’re practically flying down the flights of stairs to escape the building– you didn’t want to get trapped in the elevator with anyone. Especially not yourself and your constricting lungs.

Opening the door and breaking into the grey afternoon feels like cracking open your lungs, the cool air a welcome relief. You didn’t grab an umbrella in your hurry but that’s fine. You’d rather be soggy than where nosy coworkers might find you. Where Kunikida might find you and demand an explanation or worse to apologize. Stuffing your hands into your pockets you set off down the sidewalk to a cafe that was further away and not right below your place of work– you’re not even a full block away when an umbrella opens over your head.

You slow and look to your side as Dazai of all people falls into step beside you. “Now where are you off to in such a hurry?” He asks casually. 

You consider ignoring him. “To get coffee.” He raises an eyebrow. “To get coffee somewhere where nosy coworkers won’t bother me,” you echo your earlier thoughts.

“Excellent! I’ll come along then. I could use some coffee.” 

You give him a plain look and he just smiles brightly at you. 

“You also forgot to bring an umbrella and I’d hate for my little savior to catch a cold from walking in the rain.”  As if to emphasize his point the drizzle picks up in urgency, shifting quickly to rainfall and tapping enthusiastically into the canvas now protecting you from getting well and truly soaked.

You don’t reply to that and fixate on the path ahead, making him pout. 

When your phone buzzes in your pocket you find the small switch on the side and turn it to silent. 

—

It takes several blocks before you arrive at a cute little cafe tucked away from the main road. To Dazai’s surprise you offer to buy him a drink. “It’s for bringing me an umbrella,” you tell him. And have him find the two of you a seat while you get your drinks.  You watch from the corner of your eye as he picks a cozy spot, where the two of you would still be able to watch the rain run down the side street yet his back would be against the wall. Why had he felt the need to come after you? Did he just want out of the office too after what had happened? His eyes meet your own and he smiles having caught you staring. You jump at the sound of coffee being ground and look away from him. 

The tension feels heavy in your chest as you sit across from Dazai after placing your drinks. Here was this new coworker whose business you’d butted into when he’d had a conflict with one of your seniors because your own issues had flared up. Granted you stood by what you’d said to Kunikida back in the office. There really was no need for him to put his hands on Dazai, regardless of what grievances he may have. 

Tapping your nails along the edges of your coffee mug and watching the foam art wiggle, anything but looking directly at Dazai, you finally speak. “I apologize, Dazai-san. I shouldn’t have butted in, I’m sure you were fine. You and Kunikida-san seem to-” you cut off when a finger pokes you in the center of your forehead, pushing gently  until you’re looking up, your eyes meeting rich brown. 

Dazai looks amused, and perhaps something else you can’t quite place, he retracts his hand and speaks before you can try and puzzle him out, “You’re quite the overthinker aren’t you?” It’s not truly a question. “While yes, I can take care of myself I will say I was rather flattered to have someone get upset on my behalf. It was sweet.” He links his fingers and rests his chin on them. 

You feel your cheeks heat as he talks. “Y-yes that well.” Guilt bubbles because it wasn’t just for him that you’d reacted that way. Men yelling and lashing out has always had a way of setting off your instincts and you’d just happened to have been standing so close when it had all happened and- “Overthinking~” His voice chimes. 

You blink, startled into focusing on him again. 

“Look, whatever might have been your initial reason for stepping in doesn’t really matter. The result was the same. I didn’t get flung across the room and Kunikida-kun has something to think about.” 

He’s right, you know he is as you let the words work through your mind, and if the three of you were going to be sharing a workspace for the long term– and considering Dazai had recently completed his entrance exam that looked to be the case– this was likely to happen at some point. Your shoulders sag a bit, tension finally leaving for the first time since Kunikida had raised his voice and reeled back his arm back at the office. 

You lift your coffee up for a sip instead of replying and yet Dazai tilts his head slightly on the makeshift cradle of  his hands as his smile grows, somehow assured of your understanding. As you set your mug down he bumps his ankle against yours under the table. He’s shifted back in his seat, face no longer cradled in hands and is instead picking up his own mug to finally start drinking his own latte. His eyes are closed in contentment.  

“The coffee here is nice. Not quite the same as the coffee back at the office but still nice. And it’s cozy here, I can see why you go to the trouble of walking the extra distance.” 

“I go to the trouble because I like the peace.. The convenience of a coffee shop under our work is nice and all but sometimes being so close to work means it follows.”  You set down your mug and give him a look. 

Dazai’s smile is unapologetic. His ankle is still hooked around your own. “I’ll keep that in mind.” 

You don’t kick his leg away. 

–

The rest of your little ‘coffee break’ passes in easy conversation if you’re honest. Dazai is easy to talk to, sure he talks a lot himself, but he also likes to listen. So he lets you talk, draws out some of your tension over the course of coffee and once you no longer seem like you’ll crumble under the weight of your own tension and your coffee is finished the two of you get up and make your way back out into the rain, Dazai holding the umbrella above your heads. 

As you get closer to the ADA building you can see a figure standing outside with his own umbrella.

Dazai bows out gracefully as the two of you reach Kunikida, handing you the umbrella and making his way inside. Your chest feels tight but Dazai gives you a little wave. When your eyes go back to the blonde man his brow is pinched. 

“I’m sorr-” “ “I’m sorry-” you both begin at the same time and stop. 

Kunikida clears his throat and you wish you could fold your hands in front yourself but instead you have to hold the umbrella Dazai left you with. Your fingers tighten around the grip while your free hand flexes. You nod to Kunkida. 

“I apologize for my behavior earlier today-” he takes in your expression and then amends, “ For as of late. I hadn't considered how my.. dynamic with Dazai might be affecting others within the office.”

Ah. So he must have spoken with Fukuzawa-Sensei while you were away? Or that‘s a solid guess you’d make. 

He continues. “It hadn’t been my intention to cause you or anyone else within the office distress.”

“Except for Dazai-san?”

“. . .”

You sigh. “Kunikida-san, while I do appreciate you apologizing to me, and I do understand that Dazai-san’s antics can provoke your anger, I just want you to consider whether or not it’s proportional to what is happening, and is it befitting of you when you’re the one most likely to succeed Fukuzawa-sensei one day?” You look up at him openly, your shoulders squared knowing you could be reprimanded in this instance for speaking out of turn. 

Kunikida lets his umbrella fall to his side and he sighs, looking up into the grey sky, letting rain drops patter against his glasses before looking back to you, taking in your now slightly distorted now widened eyes. “You’re right. Infuriatingly so. I will try to be more mindful of my temperament.” 

And finally you smile at him and you think you can feel Kunikida’s relief in the way his chest expands in a sigh.  “That’s all I can ask, right? Those ideals of yours are all about guiding you in growing as a person, right?”  

“Something like that,” he huffs, almost sounding fond.  From inside the stairwell Dazai watches the interaction.

---

Annnd there you have it. I've actually been debating whether to share this story and piece of lore because I was worried about it painting Kunikida as too much of a villain when that's not how I see him. But I do know myself and knowing my own background that I would end up stepping in. Reader here's background is being Fukuzawa's student and as for my own real world background (not that this is needed) i've taken several self defense classes as well as kick boxing. So I have a sort of built in instinct to when people, especially men, grab at me or people near me. What I described doing to Kunikida is something I've needed to do.

So there's your fun(?) bit of rossi lore!

(And I am aware Kunikida's violence with Dazai is typically meant as a comic relief sort of thing within the series itself, i just wanted to address it in a different way. Especially early on when their dynamic is more new both for them and those around them. Again not Kuni hate piece by any means! )

Tags: @osamucide (Thank you for reading over the early draft!) @madaqueue @fyodior @pastelle-rabbit @startcarvingdarling

@flametrashira @chuuminn Ahhh I'm still not entirely sure who to tag in BSD works yet.

[biteyoubiteme]

You do not get how much i love zombie themed things like ugh i will eat up anything that is related to an apocalypse lol its my fav and omfg i was waiting so long to find the moment to sit down and eat this up and i did not regret it so sorry my reblog took forever but its here now lol- 

Your eyes flicked briefly to the small bottle of sleeping pills on the bedside table. It sat there like an accusation, a stark reminder of the restless hours you spent last night. The tossing, the turning, the damp sheets sticking to your skin as you wrestled with the silence that reduced to grant you peace. Im on the edge of my seat i already love your writing so much- 

“Did you guys see the news?” okay i love the way that you cut back from both povs so much like uuuggghhh i love the parallels- 

Taehyun blinked, his half-asleep face confused as his eyes adjusted to the screen. He stared, his breath catching when he realized what he was watching. He’d never been a fan of gore or horror, and this felt like both—worse, even. The video was chaos: people running, screaming, blood everywhere. Limbs tangled and barely escaping the streets. The sounds of panic—raw, animalistic—clawed at his nerves. He shivered, his voice coming out barely above a whisper. "Is this… a new movie or something?" stttoooooopppp my sweet boy just wishing it was a movie and in disbelief ;-;-;-

Panic flared across his face as he started typing furiously, sending messages to his mom. Where are you? Are you safe? Please reply. His heart pounded with every second of silence that followed. YEONJUN AND HIS MOM WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME ILL SOB- 

Hands trembled slightly as he held the phone, fighting the urge to hang up and try calling his mom again. Soobin saw it, his own anxiety spiking so he stepped closer, placing a steady hand on Yeonjun’s shoulder then taking the phone from his shaky grip. STOP IT THIS HURTS ME SM SSSSTTTOOOP

STAY INDOORS. ANY SIGNS OF WOUNDS, FEVER, OR VIOLENT BEHAVIOR—ISOLATE IMMEDIATELY. I would be shaking so bad omfg- 

The bile, bitter taste, nausea kept pushing until your stomach was empty and you felt nothing but raw, aching emptiness. I love this line sm- 

Rest, fix yourself, and take a bath.” "Did you just take a bath?" THE PARALLELS AGAIN I LOVE IT 

Everything screamed lived in. Floors wooden tiles. It was clean, considering men were living in this place. Some sweaters were carelessly tossed over the couch, an Uno card sat beside it, random orange peels and a few glass mugs were scattered across the table. But aside from that, everything seemed… orderly. Something about this space made you feel out of place. Stop i love how its frozen in a way obviously because they live there but also in so much normality even as the world falls apart-

If anything, it’s comforting to see Soobin still so… Soobin. This is what would fix me in a an apocalypse 

Kai gripped Soobin’s hand tighter, his fingers digging in just enough. Soobin looked at him—a silent apology, a promise to do better. Sobs a lot and for a long time- 

The sight of you looking troubled, unsettles him for some reason. Then, with no warning, the vehicle comes to a sudden halt, throwing everyone forward. It awakes you, and your eyes snap open, hands reaching for your gun. Okay i love how reader could just kinda sense something was going to happen-

Beomgyu gives a shrug. "Isn’t avoiding them just going to make it worse?" he says, eyes still glued to the decaying figures. "I mean, I would like to be able to look at them without feeling like I’m about to throw up." i love him- 

“This is so cool,” The horrors of the night melted away. You smirked, shaking your head as you reached for the first branch, beginning your own ascent. Beomgyu’s gaze stayed on you, his hands hovering slightly as if wanting to help but unsure how. STOP IT I KNOW ITS SMALL BUT LIKE I LOVE THIS SO MUCH like its just them climbing a tree for crying out loud but im giggling and i love him- 

His eyes—they were too brown, too soft for a world like this. When the silence stretched too long, he shifted uncomfortably, his ears flushing red. “I… I wanna thank you. For bringing me with you,” he said, shyly. “Thank you, Y/N.” EEEEEKKKK >< i love him stop it stop it stop it stop it 

But here you are, and you’re killing it—uh, not literally—well, maybe literally, but—” im so sat for stuttering gyu like no one touch him hes mine-

“Kill it,” you instructed, tilting the infected’s head to expose its temple. His heart pounded as he raised the knife. He brought it down, but his strike lacked strength, and blade only sank halfway in. The infected howled, its hands clawing weakly at the air. “Y/N, I—what do I—” “Again,” you cut him off, grabbing his other hand and placing it on the knife. “Use both hands if you have to. Pull it out and try again. Harder this time.” He did as you said, the knife coming free with a sickening squelch. Blood splattered onto his hands, warm and sticky, and he nearly gagged. Clenching his teeth, he raised the blade again and drove it down with all his strength. The groaning stopped, the infected falling silent. Okay i love this part sm like teaching him and whatnot like there fear there and everything but also his need to do it uuuuggghhh

Tears pricked at his eyes as he wiped his mouth. That infected—it wasn’t just a monster. It had been a person once, a living, breathing human being. Maybe they had a family waiting for them, a home filled with memories, or a life they’d worked hard to build. Maybe they’d been on a vacation or rushing to work the day the world fell apart. MY POOR BOY PLS I LOVE HIM STOP IT- 

your hands looked smaller than his, fragile—he wipes the blood on his trembling fingers. How? How could you—manage to do all of this? “You ended its suffering,” you said quietly, hesitant. “That’s how I try to think of it.” “Does it get easier?” “Never.” It was just a single word, but somehow, it felt like a glimpse—Beomgyu feels closer. It felt like he knew you just a little bit better. UGH I LOVE THE ANGST i love this moment so much and him just thinking of how she could be so brave or ill believe it to be that way bc i know he would not judge her and ugh i love it sm- 

That boyish smile, dimples and all, made him look so much younger. SOBS

Beomgyu moved before he could think. He didn't know if it was the look in your eyes or the way your hand trembled, but he knew one thing: he couldn’t let you do this. While Seo-jun was distracted by your figure, Beomgyu raised his weapon. Just as you had taught him hours ago, he aimed for the head. SOBS HARDER OMG HER TEACHING HIM TO KILL THEM ONLY FOR HIM TO HAVE TO DO IT NOT EVEN TO SAVE HER PHYSICALLY BUT MENTALLY ;-;-;-;“Why—” Your voice cracked, unable to finish the question. “He was your friend,” he said quietly. “I'm not going to let you do that. Not while I’m here.” Friend. That single word shattered whatever fragile wall you’d been holding up. A tear slipped down your cheek before you could stop it, and you quickly wiped it away with your hand. “He’s not suffering anymore,” Beomgyu added softly, his hand gently brushing the top of your head—you avoided his eyes, yet again. “He’s not suffering,” YOU DID THIS TO HURT ME RAYA PLS NO 

He’s smart.” “He is,” Beomgyu agreed, a small smile at his lips as he stirred the contents of his disposable pack. “He’s the calmest one too.” screaming crying 

The man holding him inhaled deeply near his hair, a disgusting, exaggerated sniff. “Freshly washed. You’ve got a place nearby, don’t you?” the chill i got stop it i hate it omfg- 

“What’s the matter, sweetheart? No fight left in you?” You smirked—just a little. It was enough to confuse him, before he could react, your teeth sank into his throat. Hard. It was a spot right where you knew it would hurt most. A pressure point. His scream ripped through while he stumbled back, clutching at the gaping wound with blood pouring through his fingers. The bitter, metallic taste flooded your mouth, but you didn't stop. You grabbed the gun he dropped as he fell and turned, firing without hesitation. BANG. The man who had taken your gun didn’t even have time to aim before he hit the ground. “Fuck—” one of them snarled, charging at you. Before he could get too close, your foot sweeped his legs out from under him. He hit the ground with a grunt. BANG. You aim your gun and pulled the trigger on his face. The man with the bat. Pain exploded in your shoulder, a gunshot tearing through your flesh, but you didn’t flinch. His mistake wasn’t pulling the trigger; it was not aiming for your head like you aimed for his. BANG. The leader gurgled, blood bubbling up from his lips as he stared at you in disbelief. “Monster—” he chokes on the floor, his hands futilely gripping his shredded throat. His blood pooled beneath him as he sputtered his last, trying and failing to form a single word. “You—” BANG. i know i put like the whole part nearly but like BUT OMFG I LOVE IT SM i love the walking dead and this refrence of one of my all time fav scenes in the show is just the cherry on top of this fic i GASPED when i read this and was on the floor like the desperation laced in this to save the two of them uuuuuuugggghhh im on the floor i love it so much- 

“Look at me!” he shouted, louder this time. Hands cupping your face, trembling as much as yours. “Baby, look at me.” Your eyes darted up, locking onto his. Your tears spilled down your face. BABY- I DIED- and him just wanting to take care of reader stop it no stop it fr- 

“Ever since I met you, there hasn’t been a single thing you’ve done that I couldn’t understand.” The answer caught you off guard, made something in you falter. SOOOOBBBIING TEARS OKAY 

“You watch Dora?” “No.” “You just mentioned her.” “She’s famous.” “So am I,” he shot back. “But you didn’t know me before this.” “Are you seriously going to bring that up again?” “Heh.” Beomgyu’s grin only widened. He could almost see it—the tiniest twitch at the corner of your lips before you turned away. Almost. It made his heart flutter in that stupid, uncontrollable way he hated admitting to himself. The way i was giggling i love this so much like the way its just a small thing but at the same time it means so much to me and i love that the reader didnt know who he was and that beomgyu was joking eeekk stop i love it- 

He wondered if you’d be any good at FPS games. You were already a menace with a gun in real life, so you’d probably be terrifying in a match. Pls spin off and they are just playing games together pls- 

Without giving you time to change your mind, Beomgyu lifted the camera, stepped close, and pressed his cheek against yours. The faint warmth of your skin against his made his stomach flip, but he ignored it, snapping the picture before you could pull away. UUUGGGHH THE MOMENT PLS I LOVE IT- 

It was the little things, mostly. The way he insisted you eat first, even when food was scarce. The way he handed you the best parts of the military rations. How he seemed to know when the weight of the barn still lingered in your mind, distracting you with his terrible jokes or a question just long enough to pull you out of it. Or how he’d ask if you’d slept okay, like it mattered in a world where nothing really did. Raya said ‘oh yeah what will hurt cam even if its little what should i add to kill her? Huuummm’ and added this 

Strong arms pulled him in, and the dam he’d tried so hard to hold together crumbled. He buried his face into the familiar comfort of Soobin’s shoulder, trying desperately not to sob. He had missed them. They had never left his mind—not once. STOP IT THE SOOBIN AND BEOMGYU BROTHERHOOD SO STRONG I COULD CRY SO MUCH IM SICK- 

Restless, you’d found yourself outside his tent, knocking like a ghost haunting its own grave. I love this line- 

“It’s… Beomgyu,” He countered quickly, the way you said another man’s name at this hour unsettling him more than it should. Silence. He braced himself for rejection, for the possibility that you’d tell him to go, that he's insane to be here at this hour, or that you didn’t want to see him. Stop the bit of jealousy stop it stop it stop it- 

"Are you mad at me?" Beomgyu's voice wavers, cracking slightly as the words spill out. All those rehearsed lines, the ones he'd turned over in his head a thousand times, crumble into this raw, unpolished question. THE INTIMACY OF JUST SAYING WHAT COMES TO MIND IN THE MOMENT UGH I LOVE THIS SM- 

Even if I…” His voice broke, a tear slipping down his cheek. “Even if I die trying.” STOP IT PLS STOP IT 

"I think I'm in love with you," he says, voice breaking on his confession. "I'm in love with you that I wonder how the hell I lived without you all these years. I’m so glad I met you, did you know that? If I’d known, I’d have counted down the days—even marked my calendar stupidly—just to know you were waiting for me at the end of it. And if I had a choice to go back in time, to stop this apocalypse before it happened, I wouldn’t do a damn thing. Because I’d lose the chance to meet you. Here. As insane as it sounds," His voice shakes, but he pushes on, "I won’t—I won’t force you…. to like me. That’s not what I want. But would it be selfish of me to ask you to stop acting like I'm not here? Like you don’t know me? I can’t…" He hiccups, shoulders shaking. "I just want to be part of your life, Y/N." His words made you take a step forward, your hands trembling as you cup his tear-streaked face. He flinches at first, but then he melts into your touch, his breathing uneven. “I’m afraid,” you admitted, your voice breaking, freckles on his face evident with his face bare. “I’ll ruin you. I’ll ruin your life. I'm a fucking ruined person. Can’t you see that?” OH RAYA WANTS ME TO CRY- 

“Who would’ve guessed that you’re a crybaby too?” he whispered, his voice uneven but with affection. Sobs sm 

Both of you pull back, breaths heavy. A delicate string of saliva still connects your lips, breaking as Beomgyu takes a step forward more, his eyes locked on yours, "I want you." You nod, reaching for him, your fingers curling around his arm to pull him back into you. "We have to be quiet." OH!

“Please kiss me.” He murmurs into your mouth. IM WEAK- 

He groaned lightly, shifting closer to you. “I think… we should stay here,” he mumbled, his voice raspy and slow, as though speaking was too much effort. He moved until he was pressed against you, his head resting on your bare chest as he planted soft, sleepy kisses against your skin. “I have things to do, you know,” you protested lightly, though you made no move to stop him. Instead, you let your arms encircle him, cradling his head. His hand slid beneath the blanket, settling on the small of your back, familiar against your bare skin. “Wake up,” you poked his cheek with your finger. He parted his lips and let out an exaggerated, snore that startled a laugh out of you. “Idiot,” you said, shaking your head, though the fondness in your tone betrayed you. “I’ll give you an hour. After that, Captain Joon is going to start looking for me.” "Let him look,"  Beomgyu groaned, burying his face deeper into your chest like a stubborn child. No you dont get how much i love this little moment it means sm to me dont evertake it away from me bc ill cry a lot ugly and drowning- 

"Can I join you? You know, to save water," He immediately quips. You smirk, your eyes meeting his before you give him a subtle nod. That tiny gesture is all it takes for his heart to race, he’s sure you can hear it. Sobs sobs and sobs again 

“Come back to me safely,” he interrupts, his hands cradle your face. His thumbs gently brush your cheeks. “You don’t have a choice.” THE TEARS PLS

The four of them swarm the youngest member, nearly knocking him off his feet in their excitement. Kai’s laughter echoes through the courtyard as Soobin immediately bursts into tears, clinging to him like a lifeline. Beomgyu hugs him tightly, burying his face in his shoulder, while Yeonjun ruffles his hair affectionately. Taehyun, ever practical, starts inspecting Kai’s arms and legs for injuries. They fussed over Kai like he was the most fragile thing in the world, each of them trying to make up for lost time. MY BABY IS BACK EEEEKKKK><

Kai’s grin was blinding, his low ponytail framed his face as he leaned closer to get another look at the photos. “She’s pretty. I’m really happy for you, Beomgyu.” also raya you are so evil long haired kai when im still in mourning over the fact he cut his hair? Evil evil evil evil- 

Everyone stops to watch. In a world so cruel, so damned, there’s something warm in the way two lovers find each other again. SOOOOOOOBBBBING NOT A DRY EYE 

“I promise to come back to you as soon as I can, okay?” he whispers, "I promise." You know the truth. You’ll never see him again. This is it. “Okay,” you say softly, forcing a small smile onto your lips. You’ll never wake up to the sound of his soft breaths against your skin again. You’ll never walk through the Daegu home he often described with so much warmth, never see the place where his happiest memories were made. A place he wants to go with you. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME YOURE SO MEAN WTF RAYA WTF- 

Without a word, he drops to one knee, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his cheek against your growing belly. “I missed the both of you,” he whispers, voice soft and full of love. Okay you made it up to me all the pain for this thank you i love it sm i love this fic eeeeekkkk ><

“This album is a love letter, a reflection of the most meaningful chapter in my life,” Beomgyu shared. “It’s inspired by the warmth, comfort, and love I’ve found in my marriage. I wanted to capture the feeling of having someone to come home to—a place where your heart feels at peace, no matter what chaos the world throws at you.” also was this a manifestation of beomgyu solo??? And it being titled panic omfg it fits- it fits so well- 

THE LAST SAFE PLACE

pairing: idol!beomgyu x fem!soldier reader click here for moodboard

Summary: The world didn’t end with a bang. It ended with a whisper, a deadly virus creeping through the streets, turning the living into something… monstrous.

It was supposed to be a mission. Get in. Get out. Rescue the five a-list boys holed up deep in the city of Seoul. But nothing in this new, broken world is simple anymore.

The dead don’t scare you as much as his starry eyes do—deep brown eyes that make you question if you’re the one who needs saving, after all.

warnings!: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. apocalypse!, survival!, blood!, character!deaths, zombies!, descriptions of!killing, gore!, attempted!sa, menace!reader, anxiety!attacks, signs of!pstd, cursing!, side oc characters, reader has her own last name, pov being switched from reader to beomgyu, mini timeskips, drunk-in-love beomgyu, emotional-baggage, let me know if I missed any! (not proofread, first fic.) smut!warnings: fingering!, oral!fem receiving, missionary, unprotected, slightbody!worship.

wordcount: 30k

notes: Whenever I saw writers call their fic their "baby," I used to wonder what that really felt like. Now here I am, sharing my first-ever fic—my baby—with all of you. It’s far from perfect; I know that. But isn’t that the beauty of writing? I believe we all have room to grow, and so do I.

This fic is inspired by two things I hold dear; Beomgyu (and TXT as a whole) and the idea of finding love in the middle of an apocalypse. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed creating it.

taglist: I just want to say I love you. thank you for giving this story a chance. @beomiracles @agustdiv1ne @binluvsu @saejinniestar @haowonbins @vampzity @usuallyunlikelyfox @gyu-tori @xodidarks @tubasmiracle @hyunelixbun @woncheecks @lovingbeomgyudayone @beomsdoll @baekberrie @parkweylyn @lun4mizuka @lilbrorufr @no1likemybbgcharlie

Saying the military "protects the nation" always felt like a hollow statement to you—something neat and rehearsed, meant for recruitment ads or patriotic speeches, you came to understand it all too well after years of service. Life is fragile, easily dismissed with a single command, and the concept of disobedience isn’t even an option.

You follow orders, make decisions, and carry out tasks already mapped out for you and your team. The oath you swore binds you to honour whatever higher-ups deem necessary for the greater good, no matter the cost. It matters not, even if it costs your life. That’s how it is.

You've lived like that for as long as you can remember, and sometimes you wonder if it’s that very belief—an unwavering fool—that drove you to become the soldier you are. You know by now that it will also be the very reason for your end someday.

The sound of banging at the door jerks you awake. Your eyes strain in the pitch-black darkness of the barracks. You think you might’ve slept, but it doesn’t feel like it—not really. More like you were just drifting in and out of consciousness, never quite at rest.

"Park. Roll Call." You blinked, scrunching your face. The pounding on the door didn't let up, insistent as ever, making it clear there was no chance of them stopping.

"I'm up." You shouted. The cool floor met your bare feet, and you groggily reached for your shoes tucked neatly underneath. Your eyes flicked briefly to the small bottle of sleeping pills on the bedside table. It sat there like an accusation, a stark reminder of the restless hours you spent last night. The tossing, the turning, the damp sheets sticking to your skin as you wrestled with the silence that refused to grant you peace.

You exhaled, rubbing a hand over your face. The pills—felt like the only option. You stared at the bottle, before grabbing it and slipping it into your bag.

Opening the door, you found yourself face to face with a smirking Do-hyun. "Good morning," he said, tone laced with sarcasm. "Except it’s 2:30 a.m. and we’ve got urgent business. Captain’s called us. Did not say anything about it."

"Must be top secret," you muttered, wincing as the harsh overhead light hit your face. You tried to tame your hair, pulling it into a sloppy ponytail. "C'mon."

You fell into step beside Do-Hyun, the sound of your boots hitting the floor echoing down the empty hallways of the garrison. Your shoulders brushed as you walked, the quiet around you almost unsettling. It was way too early—or maybe too late—for anyone to be this awake.

Seeing a few other soldiers from different units, you saw the same thing: them stumbling into their shoes, eyes half-closed, still caught somewhere between sleep and whatever had pulled them out of bed.

Your boots thudded against the floor with each step. Everyone knows the drill—soon enough, you'd find out what the mission was. Probably something you weren’t supposed to ask too many questions about. Face set in a hard, businesslike expression, you could feel another one coming. Another duty. Another unknown.

"This must be a big one," you muttered, scanning the growing crowd of fighters being herded into place. It was rare to see… this many called out at once. "How many teams are they assembling?"

"I don’t know," Do-Hyun replied with a tired sigh, clearly irritated. "I should be asleep, dreaming about anything other than this, but here we are." Early-morning chaos is the only thing that can get under his skin.

You followed him as he turned left down another corridor. People started staring as you passed—from other squads, lingering on the two of you. They knew. They knew who you were.

Black berets. Special Commands Unit. Infamous. You didn’t need to say it aloud; everyone already knows. The reputation of efficiency, precision, and something else—something darker. Your team never, ever failed. Your team didn’t just complete missions. You annihilated them.

That reputation followed you everywhere. You could still feel the weight of their gazes—some filled with admiration, others with something harder to read, maybe even a little fear. It wasn’t new. You’d felt it for years, people looked at you like you were a hero or a big, bad warning.

You were used to it by now.

When you finally enter into the room where your team usually gathers, the moment your eyes land on the team commander, you and Do-yun both instinctively, snap to attention, "Captain Joon. Park Y/N and Jung Do-yun, reporting."

"At ease. Sit down," Captain Joon responds, tone as calm as ever, looking at you directly as if assessing your state. You lower your salute, glancing around at the rest of your teammates already seated. Looks like you’re the last to arrive.

You make your way to an empty seat, crossing your legs as you also folded your arms, leaning back for comfort. You catch the faintest glance from another one of your teammates, Eun-woo, who raises an eyebrow at you but says nothing.

Captain Joon stands at the front, pacing back and forth, usual self missing. He opens his mouth, then stops, words not coming. He closes it again, staring ahead. It’s strange to see him hesitate like this—it’s not like him at all.

"Alright," he starts, avoiding anyone for eye contact. "We’ve got a new mission. It’s… a lot different than what we usually have." You uncross your arms and lean forward without thinking, drawn on the word "different." There’s something about it—his tone, his hesitation, maybe—that makes your stomach clench.

He continues, "This one’s high-risk. We don’t know exactly what we’re walking to. We’ve got intel, but it’s shaky at best; All I know is there’s a virus spreading. Not like Corona. No, it’s not like that. This one… it turns people into something, not human. They become—" He stops, words hanging in the air. "—they kill.. They attack. And they spread it to others. It’s not confirmed yet, but it will be. Soon."

He doesn’t wait for any further response. "We move out in an hour or two. We will be assigned to a specific mission in the middle of this. Get your gear ready. Dismissed." Six pairs of eyes follow him as he exits, leaving a heavy silence in the room. It's cold. It almost feels unreal—like something out of a movie.

You’d been to other countries, thrown into the thick of it—dealing with terrorists, and a hundred other ways to die. After all the things you’d seen, all the wars you’d fought, the idea of a virus outbreak was not the kind of fight you were used to.

"So, a virus? Like zombies?" Seo-jun’s voice breaks the stillness. He stands up, eyes wide with disbelief.

"It's medically impossible." Beom-seok replied, shaking his head, "Or at least… it should be." he added, almost to himself.

"If it's a virus—then what? How are we, supposed to stop that? A plan on how? Is there going to be a… vaccine? Some cure?"

You stand up, movement so subtle yet enough to make the others still, their attention turning to you. "We’ll figure it out," you say, voice firm. You lean back against the table, crossing your arms, "We always do. Whatever it is, we’ll handle it."

Do-hyun shoots you a look, then nods, his expression unreadable. "Right," he says. "We’ll deal with it."

The words hang in the air, and the newly shut door swings open with a loud noise, making everyone turn. A figure stands in the doorway, breathless. "Did you guys see the news?"

"Did you see the news?"

Yeonjun’s hands were trembling as he shoved his phone into Taehyun’s hands, practically forcing him to look. On the screen was a livestream—a news broadcast, but not the usual kind.

Taehyun blinked, his half-asleep face confused as his eyes adjusted to the screen. He stared, his breath catching when he realized what he was watching. He’d never been a fan of gore or horror, and this felt like both—worse, even. The video was chaos: people running, screaming, blood everywhere. Limbs tangled and barely escaping the streets. The sounds of panic—raw, animalistic—clawed at his nerves. He shivered, his voice coming out barely above a whisper. "Is this… a new movie or something?"

Yeonjun swallowed hard, his grip tightening on the phone as he snatched it back, his fingers quickly tapping away at the screen. "No," he said, voice low, "It’s from.. SBS."

"A drama from SBS?" Taehyun asked, still trying to make sense of what he had just seen.

"No," Yeonjun shook his head quickly. "News live stream. It's been trending. Saw it a couple of minutes ago." Panic flared across his face as he started typing furiously, sending messages to his mom. Where are you? Are you safe? Please reply. His heart pounded with every second of silence that followed.

As the phone screen glowed with his continuous text, the sound of a door creaking open interrupted. Soobin stepped out of the bathroom, checking the two of them that seemed frozen in place. "What happened?" he asked, voice laced with concern.

The question was left unanswered when Yeonjun’s phone suddenly rang. A small spark of relief flaring up in his chest—only for it to fade just as quickly.

It wasn’t from his mom. It's their manager, "Hello?"

Taehyun got up to get his own phone, his movements stiff. Soobin stayed by Yeonjun’s side, eyes flicking between the phone in Yeonjun's hand and his face—filled with anxious expression.

"He’ll speak to you. He wants to," Yeonjun said, meeting Soobin's gaze. His voice was uncertain. Yeonjun did not want to miss out on anything, but the manager had already requested for their leader. Soobin nodded, catching the worry in the latter's eyes. He offered a soft tone, "You can put it on speaker."

"Okay, listen up. I don’t know what’s really happening, but it’s dangerous, very dangerous out there. It’s… people eating people. Do not let anyone leave the house. All five of you. You've just had your groceries dropped, right?"

"Yeah, but what’s—" Yeonjun’s voice cracked, but the manager cut him off.

"Again, I don’t know much. None of us do. We heard the president’s about to announce martial law over this. The military’s locking down the city. You can’t go anywhere. All you need to do is stay inside. Help will come. When they get there, they’ll say my name. You’ll know it’s them." Hands trembled slightly as he held the phone, fighting the urge to hang up and try calling his mom again. Soobin saw it, his own anxiety spiking so he stepped closer, placing a steady hand on Yeonjun’s shoulder then taking the phone from his shaky grip.

"How long do we have to stay here?" Soobin whispered. "What about our families? They’re out there too."

"I don’t know," came the reply, the voice on the other end. "This started in Seoul, based on the news. The military’s setting up safe zones in every city around you. They’ll be protected. But no one can get in or out until things settle. Just… stay inside. I’ll keep you updated when I can-" The line went dead. They stared at the phone, signal bar disappearing completely.

"What are we going to do now?" They heard Kai mutter. He’d stepped out of his room after hearing the commotion. "Hiyyih is out here in Seoul too."

"I don’t have a signal now either," Soobin said, glancing at his own phone, face tightening as soon as he saw missed calls from his dad, his mom, and his sister, brother. He has missed their calls. With a frustrated sigh, he grabbed the TV remote and switched it on, only to be met with a busy signal. The screen flickered, in bold letters, the message appeared:

STAY INDOORS. ANY SIGNS OF WOUNDS, FEVER, OR VIOLENT BEHAVIOR—ISOLATE IMMEDIATELY.

He started flipping through the channels, to see something different. But each station showed the same warning. Taehyun returned, his face heavy with worry. "I got through to my mom, but she was crying too much to say anything. Just told me to stay safe."

Yeonjun was silent. He didn't know what to do, unsure if this was some elaborate prank. Looking around the room, suddenly realised something. "And where the hell is Beomgyu?"

"Sleeping."

A scream pierced the air outside the dorm room, making all of them jump in shock. Kai was the first to react, quickly moving toward the door and peering through the peephole. For a brief moment, there was nothing—just eerie silence. Then, a thump echoed, followed by continuous pounding on the steel door.

"Help!" The voice outside cried, voice hoarse. Shuffling was heard.

"Kai, get here!" Soobin hissed, Kai moved back, frozen in place, gaze still fixed on the door. Slowly, he crossed the room, his footsteps making no sound, cautious as he approached the youngest. He then grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back, away from the door. "Stay away from the door,"

Four men stood paralyzed, eyes wide and locked on the door, afraid that it might open, every muscle tense. The door vibrated with each pound from the other side, and the sound of another scream sent a chill down their spines.

Waiting in terrified silence, hoping whatever was outside would stop.

Yeah. They definitely shouldn’t go outside.

It had been seventy-two hours since the government declared the state of emergency.

Seventy-two hours, since the virus outbreak hit the public, and almost everything began to spiral out of control. Your team had been pushed from one task to the next—helping transport, fortifying armoury barricades, trying to keep the city standing. You feel like you couldn't even have time to blink.

Nothing seemed to stand a chance against the speed of the virus.

The radio crackled to life, its voice cutting through the tense silence. "It’s reported that some cases have been found outside of Seoul too."

You swallowed, the water in your canteen suddenly feeling too heavy in your mouth. Your rifle was strapped to your back—knives tucked into your pockets pulled at your clothes, a grim necessity. Your backpack packed with supplies, pulled at your shoulders.

The blood on the streets made your face contort. It wasn’t just the sight of it—it was the knowledge that innocent people, civilians, were the ones who’d ended up here. It was their blood staining the ground, their lives cut short. In just seventy-two hours, this outbreak had become a full-blown mad nightmare. It was real, right here—heavy, like the world had already started to fall apart around you.

"How long?" you asked, trying to shake the unease gnawing at your stomach.

"The report came in an hour ago," came the response. An hour. Sixty minutes. That’s all it took for the virus to spread. An hour, it was no longer just the city.

"There’s still some armory left in this area," Captain Joon says, brushing off the latest intel your team just received. "We need to clear this out, then head back to camp for the next mission."

You slip the water bottle back into the side pocket of your backpack and tilt your head back, stretching out any stiffness. It's been almost twenty-four hours since you last slept.

"Ju-won will come with us."

"The newbie?" Ji-ho raises an eyebrow.

But the thing is, he’s not really a newbie. The military doesn’t just let anyone into the special command unit—you have to be overqualified to even get a chance. People are reacting this way because it’s been years since anyone new has joined. They’re not used to it. The whole thing feels a little odd.

The boy walks forward. You glance at him, and it’s clear right away. The way his body stiffens when he sees seven seasoned soldiers in front of him—he can’t be more than twenty. But, something about the way he carries himself catches your attention. His eyes don’t drop, not even for a second. There’s no sign of hesitation or backing down, even as the rest of you appraise him, silently evaluating his physical presence. It’s almost as if he expects to be here, like he belongs.

He's got guts.

"Captain," he saluted, "Min Ju-won. Sent from Unit Two to provide additional assistance. Engineering."

Captain Joon gave a quick nod, his eyes briefly shifting to you. "Stick with Y/N." Ju-won lowered his salute and jogged over to where you stood.

"We leave in 10 minutes,"

Seo-jun let out a low whistle, looking over Ju-won with a grin. "Well, look what we got here. A kid at the end of the world. What a nice day it is." The sarcasm in his voice hung in the air as he effortlessly adjusted his M4.

"Ignore him. He's a twat," you muttered, clicking your tongue and feigning an attempt to kick Seo-jun's leg for his comment.

Ju-won, just smiled and waved it off, his eyes still locked on you with an almost admiration. "It's alright," he said quickly. "Y/N… then I must be looking at the black beret's most skilled team engineer and sharp-shooter."

"Damn right, she is," Do-Hyun chimed in, grinning as he playfully ruffled your hair. You slapped his hand away, the motion half-hearted but familiar.

The wind howled as the cargo truck went down the rugged road, the engine's hum barely audible over the gusts. Beom-Seok was at the wheel, while Captain Joon sat in the passenger seat, checking the horizon. The other six of you were crammed in the back, weapons ready.

You could feel that someone was watching you. You turned your head to the right, and sure enough, there he was—Ju-won, looking at you with an expression that was oddly calm for a day like this. You chewed absently on the sweet gum in your mouth.

"I’ve always heard your name, even when I was still training," he said almost embarrassed, but there was a hint of respect in his words, "A lot of us admire your skills. We even know your schedule—like when you will drop off at the headquarters."

"Yeah?" You raised an eyebrow, curious but not particularly moved. "What am I supposed to do with that?"

Ju-won grinned, unfazed. "And, of course, your temper is well-known too."

You snorted at that. Of course, it was. You'd made more than one higher-up nearly pass out with your snark and disregard.

Most of them acted like you were supposed to kiss their feet, even though they barely had the skills to back it up—just a good last name and a father in a high place. Lucky bastards. They got used to it—eventually.

Ju-won seemed to pause, thinking for a moment. "I want to be like you."

It caught you off, staring at him, no response from your lips. Who would want to be as miserable? Who in the right mind would? No one should have to carry this kind of burden, no one but you.

"You don’t know anything," you said, right after seconds of silence. "Trust me, you don’t."

Ju-won didn’t seem discouraged by your bluntness. Instead, he leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand, "Then maybe I can ask questions to get to know you better?"

"No." You're unsure of where he was going with this.

"Just one then? And if I do well on this mission, I can ask for another one after?" He pumped his fist after your silence, the small gesture that made you want to roll your eyes again.

"How old were you when you joined the military?" His voice was gentle, but his curiosity was clear.

It wasn’t a question people often asked, at least not in the way he asked it. Most were interested in your skills, the missions you’d completed, or the stories you could tell. No one, ever cared much about who you were before all that.

"About seventeen, officially," you replied, the words feeling strange in your mouth. Had it really been that long?

"Woah," Ju-won exclaimed, his eyes wide with surprise. "And how long have you been in service?"

You glanced out at the passing landscape, your thoughts briefly drifting to the years that had passed. "Seven years. Counting."

"You're so cool." His gaze flicked to you a few more times, but he didn’t press further.

The only sound in the pitch-black courtyard was the soft shuffle of footsteps against gravel, your team moved cautiously toward the overrun military outpost. It had been more than twenty-four hours since anyone radioed in, and in your line of work, that could only mean one thing.

Defeat. Death. They’re dead.

You gripped the AR-15 in your hands, its weight and feel as familiar as your own skin. Your eyes stayed locked ahead, scanning the shadows, the captain just a few steps in front of you. You could feel Ju-won’s breath on your back.

"Hold." The captain's voice barely rose above a whisper, but you caught it—sharp and commanding. His hand went up in a familiar gesture, signaling. Eun-woo and Ji-ho moved, splitting off to cover the blind spots—each one wary of possible exits or hidden threats.

The minutes stretched on, almost suffocating. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears, when faintly, a soft whistle.

A go signal. Finally.

The captain’s eyes flicked to you. Without words, he surged forward, and you followed, close, moving deeper into where the map was marked.

With Eun-woo and Ji-ho still posted at the entrance of the courtyard, and Beom-seok at the Cargo Truck to secure on the road, the remaining five of you moved carefully toward the building’s entrance.

Seo-jun reached for the rail handle and pulled it. It was a split-second decision, but he made the mistake of opening it too wide, too fast. The sound was deafening in the silence—a loud scrape of metal against metal. It was the darkness. Or maybe it was the way no one had heard anything.

The infected—so many of them—started to emerge from the inside, their eyes hungry, limbs jerking unnaturally as they snarled and gnawed at the space where you stood.

"Shut it off!" was yelled, but it was too late. Seo-jun tried desperately to pull the door, but the dead were already pushing their way through, toppling the door with brutal force. No stopping them now.

The growls, their gurgling moans, flooded. You took a step back, when you noticed the next wave of infected closing in from both sides—right and left. The courtyard was becoming a death trap.

“Guns!” Captain Joon barked, voice sharp and urgent. He raised his rifle, opening fire on the approaching dead, and you followed. You didn’t think, didn’t hesitate. You aimed at the nearest infected, firing with the precision you’d drilled into your muscle memory. Beside you, you felt Ju-won moving, his shots echoing through the chaos.

You kicked one of the infected coming too close toward you—hard. The sickening crack of its skull as it spun from the impact of your boots almost drowned out the growls, relief was fleeting—another wave was already pushing through.

"Move!" you shouted to Ju-won, grabbing him by the shoulder and shoving him to the right side, where it seemed there was a slight gap in the swarm. You followed, not letting up on your fire. Each shot to the head was methodical, each kill necessary for survival.

You kept repeating it in your head—headshots. Headshots, or they don’t die.

Through the haze of gunfire and screams, you spotted Do-hyun on the opposite side, surrounded but still fighting, his rifle a blur as he tried to hold the line.

"Captain!" you shouted, your voice rising over, as you saw the widening gap between your team. You continued firing, shots ringing out, each one a desperate attempt to keep the tide of the dead at bay. You grabbed the arm of an infected that crept up from behind, pulling it sidewards with all your strength. The thing flailed, but you kicked its legs out from under it, slamming its head down with a close shot. Blood splattering on your track pants.

Another bullet whizzed past you, too close, and you turned to meet Ju-won’s eyes. There was no time for words. He’d just taken down one of the infected that had come up behind you.

Minutes passed, but it felt like hours. The gunfire echoed in your ears, drowning out everything else. Then, you heard it—Seo-jun’s voice cutting through the noise.

"Captain. Orders!"

It was a soldier’s instinct, that need for direction even in the face of death. It was what you were trained to do, what you had to do.

"Fall back." His command came. The words you’d been waiting for. You began to step back, scanning the darkened courtyard. And then, just as you thought it couldn’t get worse, you saw it—a wave of infected flooding out from the building. Your eyes locked on one of them, a child, no more than twelve, wearing a middle school uniform.

No. No time to mourn, no time to think. You shake it off, turn your attention back to Ju-won, who was already falling back as well.

You ran, but it was a futile attempt. The middle part of the courtyard, the one that had been empty moments ago, was now swarming with infected.

“Go forward!” Captain Joon’s shouted again.

The sound of gunfire, the screams, the snarls—they were all blending together now. You saw Eun-woo and Ji-ho still at the entrance of the courtyard, firing relentlessly. But there were too many. It had to be the sound of all the gunfire—had to be why they were flooding in from the other buildings now.

You couldn’t run without firing. The infected were, too close for comfort.

“Ahhh!”

Ju-won’s scream tore through the noise, and you whipped your head to the side. You saw him—surrounded by four, maybe five infected. Their gnarled hands reaching for him.

You sprinted forward, the gun dropped in an instant. You reached the closest infected, grabbing its hair and yanking its head back with force. The knife you’d pulled was a flash of silver in the darkness, and you slashed it across its throat, the blade biting into the flesh with a wet sound.

You couldn’t fire. Not with Ju-won so close to them.

You felt Do-hyun and Seo-jun near you now, forming a small circle, keeping the infected at bay while you worked to free Ju-won. One by one, you killed the infected around him within seconds. But when the last one finally dropped, you froze for the first time tonight.

There's a wound. The bite. A deep, angry stash on Ju-won’s neck, blood spilling down his chest, soaking through and colouring his shirt. Your heart stopped.

"Y/N…" His voice was weak. Too weak.

"Come on," you said, trying to drag him to his feet. The others were silent, at the sight.

"Help me!" you shouted, the panic finally breaking through as the infected kept coming. "What the fuck are you staring at? Help me!"

Do-hyun snapped out of his thoughts and rushed to help. He moved to slide his arm under the left side, but before he could get a firm grip, Ju-won's hand shot out, pushing him away.

"Leave me."

"No. Come on."

“Just leave me, Y/N.” he whispered again, "I know I can't be helped."

“I’m not having this conversation—”

“It hurts!” Ju-won suddenly shouted, pain in his voice. His lips were turning blue, face pale, eyes glassy with tears. “It hurts so much. I—I want this to just end. End it. Please. I'm begging you.”

Your breath caught in your throat. He started crying, Min Ju-won.

“Y/N?” Do-hyun’s voice broke through, gunshots ringing, “Decide now.” Seo-jun’s voice was distant, more gunfire ringing out, words clear. He was asking you to make a choice.

"Shh, It’s going to be okay," you murmured, wiping his tears away, "Everything’s going to be okay." You pushed the sweat-damp strands of hair from his forehead, fingers brushing against his cold skin. “You’ll be alright.”

Min Ju-won.

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” You leaned in close, feeling his weak attempt to smile on your neck, breath coming out in ragged gasps when he felt you pressed your knife to the back of his head. “It’s okay, Ju-won.”

Making sure to do it quickly, you didn’t want him to suffer—not even for a second. He stilled, and then there was a quiet exhale against your skin. His last breath.

Arms went limp in your embrace.

Min Ju-won.

You stare at your hands, blood too much, not yours, too obvious to wipe away. The vehicle lurches forward, but nothing about this mission feels like it’s worth it. No weapons recovered. And one less soldier with you.

You ignore the stares of your teammates, the silent questions they’re too scared to ask. Even when your captain demands what happened, you can’t find the words.

Death isn’t new to you.

You’ve seen it, lived with it, had to pull the trigger more times than you care to admit. Had to deal with it more times than you'd care to count. But this… this is different. There’s a heaviness in your throat that won’t lift—can still feel him, still hear his laboured breath as you hold him in your arms.

The dog tags in your hand are cold against your palm. They’re not yours. There were too many of them. The infected.

No one could even bring his body back.

"We're here," Eun-woo says, the vehicle finally pulls to a stop at your temporary camp. He'd been staring out the window for the entire ride, lost in thought, barely noticing the road or time. You don’t wait for anyone to open get out. You push yourself out, body stiff and eyes burning, but you do your best not to let anyone see. You try to blink away the moisture, to keep it together. You can’t. You won’t.

“Y/N, I—” Seo-jun starts, his voice hesitant, reaching for you.

"Save it." you snap, harshly, not letting him finish his sentence. He falters at your glare, watching turn and walk straight for the barracks, not even sparing a second glance in his direction.

Your body, with blood, not yours, and the dog tag around your hands swaying with every step.

"Give her space. She did it herself. Again." Do-hyun’s voice is softer, almost reluctant, as he watches you retreat. His eyes follow you, lost in thought.

Maybe it’s because you’re a woman and they’re all men, or maybe because you’ve always been the youngest, they've known you since you were much younger. Or maybe it’s the fact that they’ve never seen you crack, never once seen you break down when they all have at one point or another. After all these years, when they themselves had crumbled, you always seemed to keep it together. You always did. First... they admired how strong you were—physically, emotionally, mentally—and even envied it at times but as time went on, they started to realise something.

The empty look in your eyes—it's haunting. They all knew what you did for them, what you'd sacrificed.

Ji-ho pats Seo-jun’s shoulder, his face mixed with understanding and exhaustion. He points his head toward the door, a silent suggestion to let you have your space.

You stepped inside the massive military tent, the hum of conversations halting as everyone’s gaze turned toward you. You noticed someone even take a hesitant step back, eyes widening.

"I'm not fucking bitten," You didn't pause to explain further. You couldn’t. Instead, you kept walking, ignoring the stares, the whispers that you could practically feel on your skin. You didn't care, walking past the soldiers, the stares heavy on your back. You made your way to your assigned makeshift door, pulling it open and stepping inside.

The small room felt like the only place you could breathe. The bathroom was the next thing you could think of.

Once inside, you slumped onto the cold, unforgiving floor. Your face landed near the toilet, and before you brace yourself, your stomach churned. The contents from your day—what little you had managed to eat—came up violently. It kept going, feeling your body betray you as your throat burned, as your muscles contracted in spasms. The bile, bitter taste, nausea kept pushing until your stomach was empty and you felt nothing but raw, aching emptiness.

You dry your mouth with the back of your filthy hand, smell of blood still lingering in your nostrils. The memory of it—of what you'd seen, what you just did—threatened to send you over the edge again. You fought the urge to gag.

You knew it wasn’t something Seo-jun should be explaining for. He called you earlier, sounding like he wanted to apologize, wanted to make sure you were okay. But you didn’t want to tell him everything was fine. Because it wasn’t. It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know what was waiting for you inside that damned place. He didn’t know the hundreds of the dead you'd have to face. He tried his best too, just like you did. But none of that mattered.

Killing is easy. You had convinced yourself that—it was something you could do without blinking now. Maybe you could even kill with the same ease as walking a dog in the park, that it could become second nature.

You killed someone who had just started to make you wonder—what question they would be asking you after the mission. Something small, something so... human. With your own hands. No real reason. No justification. For the sake of getting equipment. You killed him.

It wasn’t supposed to feel like this.

With effort, you flushed the toilet, then let your body slide back to the nearest wall. Once it was done, you let yourself slump back against the nearest wall, Your fingers digging into your face as if you could erase the last few hours just by pressing hard enough. Sweat, cold and clammy, trickled down your forehead.

"Y/N," came a voice from outside the door.

Captain Joon. You didn't respond. You didn’t even move. "Rest," he said, his voice softer than usual, "You're needed for another mission after a couple of hours. Rest, fix yourself, and take a bath."

"Did you just take a bath?" Taehyun asked, seeing Beomgyu’s damp hair, towel draped around his neck, few droplets of water still clinging to his skin.

Beomgyu nodded, not even looking up from the crackers he was munching on.

"Again?"

"You got a problem with that?" Beomgyu’s house slipper flew through the air toward Taehyun’s. It was effortlesly dodged.

"Why are you taking a bath three times a day?"

Beomgyu shrugged, gaze finally lifting to meet Taehyun's. "There's nothing else to do,"

Taehyun paused, small ache in his chest upon the words. Being an idol, he knew well the activities—packed schedules, comebacks, fan events, concerts. It never stopped. Hell, he could not even remember the last time he’d celebrated his birthday with his family.

Beomgyu exhaled sharply, "It's been four days… You think our families are okay out there?"

Every day now was a reminder—waking up to the reality of the virus outbreak, everything at a stop.

"They should be," Taehyun replied, though he didn’t feel as sure as he sounded. "We're the ones stuck here."

Beomgyu didn’t answer, instead shuffling his trash away. Just then, Kai appeared from the bathroom, face slack with disappointment.

"Guys, the water’s stopped."

Yeonjun jumped from his seat, rushing to check the sinks, only to find no water coming out. "Shit."

Beomgyu bit his lip, frustration bubbling inside him. Just when things couldn’t seem to get worse. The isolation, the fear—it was all becoming too much now. It's growing every day. He stood up, ignoring Soobin’s frantic voice as he tried to save whatever little water they had left.

He shut himself in his room, the door clicking softly behind him. His eyes wandered to the small house model his family had made for him—a little reminder of home, something he would look at whenever he needed to feel close to them. He collapsed onto his unmade bed, staring blankly at the white ceiling, his thoughts made up mix of thoughts and scenarios. Maybe there was a miracle out there—something, anything, to change this.

Minutes passed in silence before Beomgyu’s voice broke the stillness. "I hope there’s an angel out there. Someone who’ll come get us… get me. Out here, to a safe place." His heart thudded painfully in his chest—he knew no one would ever hear those words, but he couldn’t help but hope.

You slowly make your way toward the apartment complex, the team had decided to move under the cover of darkness again—it drew fewer infected and lowered the chances of running into trouble. At least that’s what your team hoped for.

The freshly laundered combat uniform felt like it was made for you. The black fabric, almost matte, clung to your body, moving with you as if it were a second skin. Your boots, worn but sturdy, held you grounded. Each step was sure. They gave you that solid grip. On your hips, the twin knives sat, steel blades catching the light with a faint, almost imperceptible gleam. Your hair was pulled back, tight in a high knot. Not a strand is out of place.

The mission was clear: rescue the five A-list boys trapped in this building, ever since the outbreak began.

Hybe, was the one who went to the military for help. They couldn’t exactly say no to them—so here you are, walking into a situation you can’t quite predict.

Six of you, without Beom-seok to secure the vehicle on the road as usual—all armed and ready, step closer to the entrance of the block—though you spot a few infected lingering around, they’re silently dealt with. A knife to the head, no noise, no struggle—just clean and quick.

Your captain’s biggest worry is the location. The middle of the city. So many people in such a small space can only mean one thing—too many infected. It’s a risk, but it’s the job. That is exactly why these people are stuck here in the first place. No help has been able to get through until your team was sent in.

"It's here," Eun-woo says, pointing toward the stairs in the corner. He folds the marked map and tucks it away. Captain Joon nods, "One by one. Be aware of your surroundings."

Everyone gives a tight nod, moving quickly to follow his instructions. You scanned every corner, every shadow. You don’t miss a thing. There are a few infected nearby, but they have not noticed you. So long as they don’t see or hear, and you’re far enough, you’ll be fine.

Earlier, it was also clear that most of the infected in this area are concentrated in the outer courtyard. It looks like the people who lived here panicked, tried to escape out there, drawing all the infected away from the apartment complex itself. It’s eerily quiet now, almost too quiet.

You reach the door to apartment 304, and the rest of your team spreads out, covering all sides of the hallway. You catch your breath, scanning both directions again, alert to any movement. Someone begins to knock on the door. Minutes tick by, but there’s no answer.

"Are they fucking asleep?" Ji-ho whispers, his voice sharp with impatience.

"What do you expect?" you snap,"You think they’re awake at this hour, just waiting for us to show up?" The words feel bitter, but you don’t care. "Move,"

Before you can even make a move toward the door, a voice breaks the silence. It's soft, hesitant, almost as if the person speaking is scared to even let the words out.

"Who’re you?"

Kai had been just about to head to the bathroom for a quick piss when he heard it—an soft rattle against the door.

It’s been days, days, since there was any sound from the other side. Complete silence. So hearing something now, especially in the dead of night, made his blood run cold.

Someone’s trying to break in?

He freezes, mind racing. Slowly, he walks towards the door, arms out in front of him, keeping a little distance like it might somehow help. His breath is shallow as he inches closer to the small peephole in the door, just enough to get a glimpse.

Soobin made him promise not to go near the door, but he won’t know. He’s asleep, anyway.

There are people out there. No, not just people—soldiers? At least three men and a woman, he's not really sure, but they're standing and staring straight at their door. He can’t make out their words, sound too muffled, but he can tell they’re muttering something under their breath, heads tilted as if they’re listening too.

Woah. She’s… really pretty.

Kai immediately shakes his head. Focus. Now is not the time to be thinking about how pretty she is. She’s out there, trying to break the door down. Or… is she?

What if they’re the ones sent to rescue us?

He squints through the crack in the door again, taking in the soldiers’ uniforms. They’re military. That has to mean something—and waking the others would take too long. He swallows hard, asking the question.

"Who’re you?"

"Open the door," Captain Joon says, his voice firm and immediate. "We've come to help you." There’s no reply from the other side.

"Manager Jisoo. Hybe."

There’s a sound of the lock turning, and the door creaks open just a crack. It’s dim inside. The air inside hits you. Smells faintly of candles—probably because there’s no electricity to rely on anymore. One by one, everyone got ready to move inside. You turned your head slightly, trying to catch a glimpse of the person who had opened it.

He looked young—his skin pale and features sharp, with a foreign look. His bangs messily hung over his eyes, longer than he probably intended. Your eyes met his, and just as quickly, he looked away. Great. You all must have really scared him—heavily armed, arriving at his dorm in the dead of night.

"We're all coming in, Son," Captain Joon said, gaze flicking to the boy’s face, silently asking for permission—though he did not really need it. You were here to rescue them, to bring everyone back. Whether they were ready or not, you were going in. "What's your name?"

He nodded and opened the door wider. "Heuningkai. Kai is fine."

"How many of you are still in here?"

"Five. Uh, I’ll need to wake everyone up first."

"Go on." You took in the space they had been holed up in. Everything screamed lived in. Floors wooden tiles. It was clean, considering men were living in this place. Some sweaters were carelessly tossed over the couch, an Uno card sat beside it, random orange peels and a few glass mugs were scattered across the table. But aside from that, everything seemed… orderly. Something about this space made you feel out of place.

"Could you please wait here?" Kai stopped after taking a few steps away from your team. The front door shut behind. You glanced at him as he spoke, and you saw it—his face.

It was almost like he was afraid that if he turned around, everyone would just... leave.

He didn’t give anyone a chance to respond. Without another word, he turned and headed for the nearest door. You took in the hallway—six doors in total. One of them was probably the bathroom, and the rest, you guessed, must be their rooms.

Kai walks in, still feeling the embarrassment creeping up his neck. He did not mean to pout or sound so desperate in front of everyone—it just kind of happened.

The whole outbreak had him on edge all the time. It wasn’t like him at all. But now, for the first time in a while, he's starting to see hope. And with that came a fear he hadn’t expected.

He shuts the door behind him, eyes flick to Soobin, who’s sprawled out on the bed in his usual weird sleeping position. One arm thrown over his face, legs tangled in the sheets like he’s trying to escape them.

If anything, it’s comforting to see Soobin still so… Soobin.

"Wake up," Kai says, giving Soobin’s arm a little shake. There’s no response. "Soobin,"

He just mumbles something unintelligible and stays still. With a sigh, Kai slaps the flesh of Soobin's thigh—a trick he’s learned always works when he's in deep sleep.

"Shi—Kai?" The latter groans, blinking his eyes open. He winces slightly, almost about to curse, but then he notices the younger one standing there, looking a little shaken, and his protective instinct kicks in. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"They’re here. They—the help. They’re outside. I let them in." The older man shot up, his mind struggling to shake off the remnants of sleep. For days, he'd been waiting for this moment, but now that it was here, he could hardly believe it.

Soobin looked at Kai’s face, searching for any sign of bluffness. None.

"Wake everyone up, Kai. I’ll, I'll talk to them. Good job," he said, his voice thick with a mix of urgency and something else—nervousness, maybe. He ran a hand through his messy hair, trying to steady his racing heart.

The younger gave a quick nod, already rising to carry out the task.

Soobin hesitated for a moment, then followed, his feet heavier than usual. When he stepped out of his room, the sight hit him. Soldiers.

All dressed in black, standing almost stiffly in the cramped living room, as if they did not know where to place themselves, presence filling every corner. They looked out of place—one man was sitting, looking collected. He was much older—maybe in his late 40s—and when he saw Soobin, he stood up too, moving with authority.

"Hello," Soobin said, bowing deeply. He wished his voice to be normal, but it cracked. His eyes stung, and he blinked, trying to hold back the tears likely to spill. These people—they look so capable.

How desperately he’d needed them.

"I know it's late, but we need to move now. It’ll make things easier for us," Captain Joon started.

Everyone had gathered in the living room now—eleven people, all listening. A large map was spread out on the table in front of them, marked with lines and notes. "We’ve got a cargo truck on standby, and someone guarding it. Waiting for us,"

You leaned against the wall at the back, trying to stay out of the way. Your long gun resting to your right side. You crossed your arms, observing them all, taking in the scene. These five—when they first arrived, you’d seen it clearly: that fleeting, unguarded emotion that flashed across their faces. Relief? Fear?

Your thoughts drifted for a moment, the hum of voices fading, when suddenly you caught something. One of them was looking at you. You met his gaze, and for a second, neither of you moved. His eyes were a soft brown, almost warm, framed by dark hair that was swept back but still fell messily across his forehead. His jaw was sharp, yet there was something almost delicate about it. Something… soft.

You raised an eyebrow at him, just a slight challenge, and he blinked, startled. He bowed his head in your direction awkwardly—before you could return it, his eyes darted away quickly. Followed by a deep shade of red that crept into the tips of his ears.

He didn’t look back at you again—as though he couldn’t look at you a second longer.

Little did you know, when you weren’t paying attention, his eyes would steal a few more glances in your direction, each one shorter, but no less curious.

"We'll travel this way, and you all will be dropped off here at this camp, as requested. Understand?"

"And, we can just bring a backpack each?" Soobin asks, looking around the group. He’d introduced himself as the leader earlier.

"That doesn't mean you can just throw anything in there," you replied, finally speaking up, giving your first words tonight. "Keep it light. Only pack what you really need." Captain Joon gave a slight nod, acknowledging your point.

"Got it,"

"While we're at it," Captain Joon continued, “since we’ll be traveling together, it’s probably best you get to know the people you’ll be with. Just in case something goes wrong.” The mention of anything happening seemed to linger in the air. The five of them had never seen an infected before. You all know that can cause problems.

"As you probably already know, I'm the Captain of this team," Joon said, he shot a quick glance at you before going on.

"Park Y/N," he nodded in your direction, "our engineer sergeant. She’s the one who builds stuff, blows stuff up—whatever needs doing, really. She's my second-in-command."

Beomgyu has a valid reason to look at you now. And when he thought he never be more mesmerized, somehow, he was.

Earlier, when he first stumbled out of bed and woken by Kai, he wandered into the living room, still half-dazed. He was caught off guard on how… beautiful you were. He’d seen soldiers, sure, but you? You were different. You looked like you belonged on a magazine cover—not out here, in the middle of a hellscape.

How are you, not a celebrity? he wonders, half-wanting to slap himself. How are you so beautiful, standing here, in the middle of this nightmare? The strangest thing, though, was the pull in his chest—even though he’d only just learned your name. Even your name—sounds pretty.

"Do-hyun," Joon said, pointing to a man near you, "he's in charge of our comms—makes sure we stay connected. Keeps the radios running, that sort of thing." Do-hyun gave a lazy salute, a smirk playing on his lips.

"That’s Eun-woo and Ji-ho," Joon went on, pointing to two others standing with confidence. "They’re our weapons experts—know every damn thing about fixing, maintaining, and using all our weapons. They also take inventory, make sure we’re stocked up when we need to move out."

"And then there's Seo-jun," Joon said, nodding toward a tall, figure standing slightly apart from the rest like you. "Does the planning, the strategizing. And last but not least, Beom-seok. He’s the one left behind—our medic.”

"You can pack now. We'll wait here. We’ve got food rations on the truck, so you can eat there." Captain Joon finally ends the conversation.

The five of them stand up and start making their way to their rooms.

Beomgyu exhales a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. The air feels lighter as he steps into his room. They're finally getting out here.

He stands in front of his closet for a few seconds, unsure of what to grab first. He picks up his backpack and starts shuffling through his things—some clothes, and his hygiene kit that Taehyun had already packed for him. He opens his drawer and realizes he’ll need to change out of his pajamas. A plain shirt, some cargo pants, his jacket… and where the hell are his boots? Before he can finish, he hears the door creak open.

"Beomgyu," Yeonjun’s says. "That chick’s really cute."

Beomgyu freezes, his hand mid-reach for his shoes. He blinks and turns to face Yeonjun. "Have you packed your stuff, or do you think we’ve got all the time in the world?"

Yeonjun raises an eyebrow, looking slightly taken aback. "Geez, chill. Why are you being so mad?"

Beomgyu hesitates. He doesn’t really know. It could be the way Yeonjun had interrupted his packing, or maybe… maybe it’s because Yeonjun’s casually saying something like that. Beomgyu feels something twist in his stomach.

Yeonjun thinks you’re pretty. He doesn’t know how to deal with that.

"'M sorry,"

Yeonjun watches him closely. "Was it because of what I said—"

"No."

A knock sounds on the door. Both of them turn toward it. Eun-woo peeks his head inside, his expression casual. "We're just waiting for the two of you, and then we're off."

"Let's go,"

The only sound is the steady rhythm of feet against the ground. Your team is spread out, moving in a loose pattern. Captain Joon, Seo-jun, and Ji-ho take the lead, scanning the surroundings. Soobin and Kai walk close behind, hand in hand. Taehyun and Beomgyu follow next, then Yeonjun.

You, along with Do-hyun and Eun-woo, bring up the rear. It’s all going smoothly. You’re alert, watching the others, everything seems calm—until you notice Yeonjun. He’s suddenly still, his body frozen in place. You glance over and follow his line of sight.

In the open space ahead, a small group of infected wander aimlessly. Movements are jerky, unnatural, and the growls that escape their throats are low and guttural. One of them is lying on the ground, its torso half severed, intestine out, but its arms are still twitching, dragging itself forward in a grotesque imitation of life.

Yeonjun’s breathing stops entirely, his chest barely rising and falling. He’s staring at them, wide-eyed, body tense. You step up and place a hand on his shoulder. The touch makes him flinch.

"Shhh," you whisper, barely audible. The last thing you need right now is anyone making noise. One sound, one slip-up, and the infected will be on you. "Move. Eyes front—Don't… do not look at them."

He does not respond at first, you’re not even sure if he’s even hearing you. His eyes check the infected again, then back to the ground. He swallows. Finally, he nods, voice tight, "Yeah."

You give him a push on the back, enough to get him moving. It was a relief to see Yeonjun walking. You exhaled slowly, locking eyes with Do-hyun. He'd seen it all. That look between you two was enough to say it all: they weren’t ready for this. They hadn’t been told nearly enough.

Everyone kept walking, the building’s echoing silence wrapping around you as you neared the first level. It wasn’t far now—just out the main door, across the block, and then Beom-seok would be waiting for you on the road. The end was in sight.

"Shit!" Soobin’s voice is loud, his hands pressed against his chest in surprise. He hadn’t expected it. A woman, infected, eyes wide open, slumped lifelessly in a chair in the lobby. Her body was barely recognizable, rotting, the decay setting in.

No one moved. You spun around, doubt kicking in, scanning the lobby for any movement. Kai gripped Soobin’s hand tighter, his fingers digging in just enough. Soobin looked at him—a silent apology, a promise to do better.

It was only a minute, before Captain Joon finally moved. You stepped out of the building, the fresh air hitting you in a way that almost felt too good. The five newcomers, still adjusting to the chaos, kept their gazes fixed ahead, careful not to glance at the herd gathering in the open space nearby.

Then you saw him—Beom-seok. Leaning against the tires on the road, his eyes sweeping the distance, waiting. "Took you long enough," Beom-seok mutters, his eyes looking at you as he watches you approach.

One by one, everyone began climbing into the truck. Ji-ho caught your eye, giving you a quick signal to get in.

"Yeah? Are you bored or something?" Seo-jun shoots back, his tone teasing.

You gripped Ji-ho's hand, pulling yourself up the tall cargo bed. You paused, glancing down at Taehyun and offering your hand. He grasped it firmly, and with one smooth pull, you helped him up. He meets your gaze and gives a nod, a thank you.

Beomgyu was next, and Ji-ho was beside you, helping Yeonjun up. Kai and Soobin were already settled inside chatting quietly, and the truck was starting to feel a little more like a secure place.

You let your hand fall, but it only took a second for Beomgyu to extend his own.

Soft. Warm. It feels different somehow.

Beomgyu feels your hand—still shielded by your tactical gloves, but with the fingertips exposed. Even through the fabric, he can feel the warmth of your skin. It’s subtle, and for some reason, it’s enough to make his heart beat a little faster. You gripped his hand, pulling him up with the same ease as you did with Taehyun.

He’s finally out—the one they’d been stuck in, waiting, starving. Water was running low, food was practically gone and no electricity. It’s been days. Time blurred together in there. He’d tried his hardest not to let his emotions spill over, even when his mind kept replaying all the times he’d imagined getting out. All the moments he’d prayed for this. And now, it’s real.

He's here.

"Thank you," Beomgyu whispers, he hopes that somehow, those two words are enough for you to know.

"Sure,"

Beomgyu smiles wider as the fresh scent of grass hits his face. It’s a smell he never thought he’d miss, now it feels like a luxury—something he never realized how much he took for granted until now.

He turns his head to look at you, he feels his heart settle. Your head slightly leaned back against the rail, eyes closed in peaceful sleep. He fights the urge to nudge the soldier sitting next to you and tell him to move so you can rest your head somewhere more comfortable. He notices a shift in your face. Your brows furrow—a small frown begins to start on your forehead. Beomgyu's smile fade. The sight of you looking troubled, unsettles him for some reason.

Then, with no warning, the vehicle comes to a sudden halt, throwing everyone forward. It awakes you, and your eyes snap open, hands reaching for your gun.

"What now?" Eun-woo asks, stepping toward the window that connects to the driver's area, his voice tight with concern. You follow his gaze and your stomach drops. A fire. A huge fire, raging up ahead. And it looks like it's right where your team was supposed to drop off.

Yeonjun holds his nose at the smell of burning, smoke.

"Didn’t you radio them, Do-hyun?"

"I did, before we started heading back, Captain," You start mentally counting the minutes—five people eating, the time it took to pack up, and the drive back. It couldn’t have been more than two hours.

Two hours, and the fire’s already this big. "What happens now?" You hear Kai ask himself.

You don't have to look for long to spot them. Infected. They’re coming toward your truck—more than you can count. A mass of tumbling bodies, moving fast.

"Captain!" you shout, your voice sharp. "They are coming. Too many of them." Your words startle everyone in the truck.

Beom-seok’s hands twitch on the steering wheel, nerves on edge as he maneuvers the truck. His mind races, unsure of the next move. Where the hell should we go?

"Head for the nearest camp," Captain Joon orders, "Do-hyun, can you get through to them?"

"I'm trying," Do-hyun responds, fingers moving over the radio—silence greets him in return. The truck moves, and all of you watch the infected, filling the road behind.

Beomgyu watches the infected, slow, stumbling figures moving toward the vehicle. He knows they wont catch up—he knows they cant outrun it—still, his stomach churns.

"Are you okay?" Soobin asks, voice soft. He saw Beomgyu’s face when he locked eyes with the dead. "Try not to look at them," he suggests. It’s what Soobin does—keep his eyes away.

Beomgyu gives a shrug. "Isn’t avoiding them just going to make it worse?" he says, eyes still glued to the decaying figures. "I mean, I would like to be able to look at them without feeling like I’m about to throw up."

Soobin sighs, "We are getting out of here. Hybe did not let these people get us just to leave us hanging. There’s gotta be a place somewhere. Maybe we’ll even be able to go home, see our families again."

Beomgyu’s throat tightens at the mention of family, he swallows the feeling down. "What if we don’t, though?" he murmurs, "You saw the fire at the camp we were supposed to be at. Do you really think we’d have made it out? If we got there earlier…. do your really think we would have survived?"

Soobin’s heart clench at the question, he can't bring himself to answer. He does not want to think about it, but he knows Beomgyu’s right. Everything had seemed okay—until that overrun camp. The silence stretches, loud with unspoken fears.

Beomgyu’s hand starts picking at his nails, his gaze unfocused. "What if there’s no safe place left?" His voice cracks,trying his hardest not to think about his family.

"Stop." It’s you. You had been close enough to hear their whispers. "I’ll let you know if there’s no place anymore. Until I do, don’t think about it."

Beomgyu looks up at you, meeting your eyes for a moment. And just like that, the heaviness inside him lifts—just a little.

The vehicle comes to a halt by the side of the road, dust kicking up as the engine sputters off. Captain Joon looks ahead, eyes narrowing at the said camp he has in mind. It’s about a ten-minute walk from here.

"Still no response, Captain," Do-hyun reports, his fingers pressing anxiously on the radio. "Should I try reaching out to other units? They're farther out, but I can give it a shot."

Captain Joon does not look at him, eyes fixed ahead. "You can do that later. For now, we need to check this site first." He pauses, "It’s not wise for all of us to go. These five civilians stay here with a couple of you, the rest of us will move out."

Beomgyu catches the glint of your fingers as you reach for your gun, checking the magazine, clicking it back and then tightening your boot laces. There's no need for more words. The message is clear. You're going out, you're checking the place. You’re not going to sit around and wait.

"Y/N," Captain Joon calls out as you start climbing down from the cargo bed.

“I’m going with you,” you say, already strapping your gun across your shoulder. Without waiting for a response, you take a few long strides,, scanning the fields around you. The tall grass sways gently in the breeze. A few of the soldiers start following suit—Eun-woo, Ji-ho, and you catch the sound of their boots as they move behind you.

Captain Joon strides past, and you follow him, your boots crunching against the dry earth.

Beomgyu watches, his eyes never leaving your form as you move further into the distance. He can hear Yeonjun’s sigh beside him, but it did not make him look away. Instead, he counts under his breath, doing everything he can to keep you in sight until you’re too far to see.

The truck was quiet, the minutes stretching on as the remaining soldiers outside paced back and forth, keeping watch.

“I’m worried about Hiyyih,” Kai said suddenly, breaking the silence. His words drew the attention of the older guys around him, all seated close by.

“Do you think she got rescued too?” Kai asked, voice quieter now. “Or maybe…she made it out to Seoul when everything went like this?”

Taehyun reached over, giving the youngest's head a soft pat. “She is okay, Kai,” he said, “Once we get to the camp, we can ask the Captain,”

“Yeah,”

“Stop stressing about it, though,” Yeonjun chimed in, “We will figure it out soon enough.” Soobin stayed quiet, gaze fixed on some distant thought.

“They’re back,” Beomgyu said, his gaze darting between the road and the distant figures coming into view. He kept watching, squinting to make out their shapes as they got closer. Minutes passed, and the faces became clear: Captain Joon, two other soldiers… and you.

“They’re fewer than we expected,” Captain Joon announced as he reached the group, his voice steady but grim. “The camp’s still standing. We’ll spend the night there and wait for further instructions.” His words weighed heavy in the air. You swallowed hard, forcing yourself to stay composed.

When you entered the place, the sight was sobering. Just over half a dozen soldiers were left. The others, you were told, had been sent out on missions—and none of their teams had returned. You shook the thoughts away, chalking it up to exhaustion. Fatigue was setting in, and all you wanted was a shower and some sleep. For now, this camp would have to do.

Adjusting the straps of your backpack, you glanced around and saw everyone gathering their belongings. You opened your gun case and checked the magazines, counting each one carefully. “We’ll need to do inventory soon,” you muttered, mostly to yourself.

Beomgyu caught your words and looked over, his eyes flicking from your face to the black case cradling the weapons.

Arriving at the camp on foot felt like walking into a ghost town. The only sign of life was… the small group of soldiers waiting, their tired eyes, makes the place feel even emptier. Captain Joon started barking orders, assigning tents to everyone. Your mind was fixed on one thing: rest.

“I’m going to shower and sleep. Wake me if I’m needed,” you told the captain, walking past him as he gave you a quick nod.

You headed to your tent, overhearing the arrangements for the five civilians. They’d be taking turns in the showers, then each also having a small tent of their own. Your own shelter was small, just as you’d expected. You set your things down, pulling out what you needed for the shower.

The shower area was sectioned off with a heavy curtain, its edges swaying slightly in the breeze. You pushed it aside and stepped in, letting the cool water wash over you. The sensation of the water running down your back. After finishing your routine, you reached for a towel and your robe. Once you’d changed into a clean military shirt and loose pants, you stepped outside, your hair still damp.

The camp was quiet, save for the crackle of a small fire in the center. A few soldiers sat around it—Yeonjun was eating, with Beomgyu and Taehyun seated beside him. Soobin, walking toward them, caught your gaze and gave you a respectful bow. Kai was likely in the showers, taking his turn.

Back at your tent, you dried your hair—hitting the makeshift pillow, your eyes drifted shut. It was harder to sleep that night.

Beomgyu jolted awake to the sharp crack of a gunshot. His chest tightened as he gasped, sitting up abruptly in the darkness.

BANG.

Another shot echoed through the camp, louder this time. He instinctively covered his ears, his heart pounding in his chest. The sound was close—too close. A flurry of gunfire followed, chaotic and all over the place. He froze as a shadow darted past the thin walls of his tent. His hands trembled as he forced himself to stand.

He fumbled for his pants, pulling them on as another scream tore through the night, quickly silenced by another gunshot. His mind raced. Should he go outside? Should he stay hidden?

Soobin. Yeonjun. Taehyun. Kai.

You.

The names rang in his head snapped him. He peeked through a small gap in the tent’s fabric, his breath hitching at the sight outside. Strangers—men he hadn’t seen earlier—moved through the camp. One of them hefted a sack of supplies over his shoulder, while others fired wildly at the soldiers.

Bandits?

The realization hit hard. These men were fighting the soldiers stationed at the camp, gunfire exchanged in rapid bursts. Beomgyu swallowed hard. His tent was further out than the others, which gave him a sliver of cover, but he knew he had to move. As he stepped out of his tent, a bullet zipped past him, close enough to feel the air shift against his cheek. He flinched, his heart hammering in his chest.

“What the—”

A scream drew his attention. A bandit, snarling and swinging his weapon, was overwhelmed by an infected lunging at him from the side. The sight froze Beomgyu in place, fear rooting him to the spot.

A hand clamped over his mouth, silencing the scream that threatened to escape. He turned sharply, eyes wide, only to see you staring back at him.

“We’re leaving. Or we’re dead,” you whispered, your voice urgent but low. Beomgyu hesitated, glancing toward the other tents. He wanted to go to the others, to check if they were okay, but you tightened your grip on his wrist, stopping him.

“They will see you,” you hissed. Behind you, the infected were starting to swarm the camp, drawn by the gunfire. Beomgyu felt a lump rise in his throat. Your hand dropped from his mouth, and you tugged on his wrist, shoving him back toward his tent. “Grab your things. Be fast.”

Beomgyu stumbled inside, adrenaline coursing through him as he grabbed his backpack. He hadn’t even unpacked yet, telling himself earlier he’d do it in the morning. Now, it didn’t matter. There wasn’t going to be a morning if he stayed.

When he stepped back out, you were watching the bandits, your jaw clenched. He noticed your backpack already slung over your shoulder. The white shirt you’d worn earlier was still visible beneath a hastily thrown-on jacket, paired with cargo pants and sturdy boots.

“Come on,” You started moving, weaving through the shadows with practiced steps. Beomgyu followed—heart heavy and torn as he glanced back toward the other tents.

His four brothers weren’t with him.

Beomgyu’s feet ached with every step. He had been trailing behind you for what felt like hours, though it couldn’t have been more than fifty minutes. Your strides were quick, far faster than he could have imagined for someone with shorter legs than his. He had no idea where you were leading him, and the darkness of the woods only made it worse.

Shadows stretched long between the trees, and every crackle of leaves underfoot made his heart jump. But then you turned back to look at him, your face briefly influenced by the moon's light—it was just a quick check to make sure he was still behind—and somehow that was enough to keep him moving.

Finally, you stopped in front of a towering tree. Its trunk was wide and strong, the kind that seemed to have stood for centuries. You tilted your head up to inspect it, then turned back to him. “This will do. We’ll climb up here,”

Beomgyu blinked, his gaze sweeping nervously between you and the tree. Climbing? He had never climbed a tree before—not even as a kid. But the alternative—staying on the ground, exposed to the infected, or people that might be lurking—was far worse.

“O-okay,” The two of you did not know where you were going—or how far you still had to go—but at least up here, you could catch your breath. He watched as you point toward the bark, signaling for him to go first.

“Here,” you said, tapping a sturdy-looking notch just above your reach. “Put your foot here.”

“You sure it’ll hold?”

“It will, trust me.”

Beomgyu swallowed hard and placed his foot on the notch. It felt solid, but the uneven texture of the bark made him wobble slightly. He grabbed the trunk for balance, his fingers scraping against the rough surface. “Here, grab this branch,” you guided him, pointing to a solid-looking limb.

The bark was rough, but he held on, his muscles trembling. The tree swayed just a little under his weight, the rustling leaves made him think that the whole thing might give way. But it didn’t. With a grunt, he hoisted himself, settling into a spot that felt stable enough to hold him. The height gave him an odd sense of relief—He looked down at you, his fear replaced by a grin.

“This is so cool,” The horrors of the night melted away. You smirked, shaking your head as you reached for the first branch, beginning your own ascent. Beomgyu’s gaze stayed on you, his hands hovering slightly as if wanting to help but unsure how.

When you were nearly at his level, reaching for a branch to pull yourself up, the wood suddenly gave way with a sharp crack. Making you slip. “Shit!” Beomgyu lunged toward you, his hands finding your elbow just in time. “I-I—What do I do?!”

“Can you not panic like you’re the one about to fall?” you snapped, though your voice lacked real bite.

“Right!” he stammered, his grip tightening. You grasped his other outstretched arm, and with one strong pull, he managed to haul you up. The force of it sent you toppling forward, landing squarely against him. For a second, everything went still. Beomgyu’s breath hitched as he looked up at you, your face inches from his.

You could feel the warmth of his body against your chest, see the subtle freckles and barely-there moles on his skin that you hadn’t noticed before. His gaze flickered to your lips.

In a swift motion, you pushed yourself off him—brushing the dust and bits of bark from your clothes, you avoided his eyes. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, not trusting yourself to speak just yet.

An hour had passed since the two of you settled. Your back leaned towards the tree and for a brief moment, you let your eyes close, though your mind raced.

Plans. Risks. Next steps.

“What’s the next plan?”

You opened your eyes, exhaling softly. “I’m planning to check back at the camp once the sun’s up,” you said after a moment. “From a distance. The infected were drawn to the gunfire, so I doubt they’ll stay there. But I need to see what’s left.”

Beomgyu nodded, “We should see if there’s anyone still there. Maybe stuck or hiding.”

You glanced at him and adjusted the rifle slung across your chest. The weight of the handgun in your pocket and the knives strapped to your thighs felt heavier.

“We’ll try to track them too,” you said, then added quietly, “Or you could stay here and wait for me.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“Okay.”

Silence fell between you again, interrupted only by the faint rustle of leaves. Beomgyu broke it with a sudden thought. “I can’t believe people can kill each other just like that,” he said, voice with disbelief.

The words made you pause. Your eyes, previously shut, opened fully, and you turned your head slightly toward him. But you said nothing. “Why did they do that?” Beomgyu asked, his tone softer now.

You didn’t respond. Instead, you looked away, avoiding his gaze. His eyes—they were too brown, too soft for a world like this. When the silence stretched too long, he shifted uncomfortably, his ears flushing red. “I… I wanna thank you. For bringing me with you,” he said, shyly. “Thank you, Y/N.”

“Sleep,” you said, brushing his gratitude aside. “I’ll keep watch.”

“I do think I can,” he admitted, rubbing his neck. "I swear I can still hear the gunshots in my ears.” You sighed. Sleep wasn’t an option for you either.

Beomgyu hesitated before speaking again. “Can I ask you something?”

“You already did,”

His face flushed deeper. “I mean… another question.”

When you didn’t respond, he continued, “Why are you the only woman in your team?”

Your eyes flicked to him, one brow raising slightly. “Are you implying there shouldn’t be one?”

“No! God, no,” he said quickly, his hands flailing slightly as he stumbled over his words. “I mean, it’s just—wow. It’s amazing.”

“That a woman can do a man’s job?”

“No—yes—no!” Beomgyu groaned, burying his face in his hands. “I just mean, like… it’s impressive. Especially since women aren’t even required to go through military service. But here you are, and you’re killing it—uh, not literally—well, maybe literally, but—”

You studied his flustered face for a moment before cutting him off, “I get it,” you said, watching as relief washed over him. “I think I was just… born for this. I can’t imagine myself doing anything else.”

“That’s… cool,” he murmured, nodding slowly. You hummed, leaning your head back against the tree.

“I don’t think I can imagine myself doing anything else either,” Beomgyu said, thoughtful. He stared at his hands, a small smile tugging at his lips. You watched him for a second longer than you meant to.

“That’s cool,” you echoed his words, earning a laugh from him. His smile widened, his laugh soft but real, and it lit up the darkness around you. Even his laugh—

It made you look away, your chest tightening. His smile—it was dangerous.

Beomgyu turned his gaze to you, studying your profile. The way your lashes caught the faint moonlight. Beautiful, he thought.

“How old were you when you joined the military?” he asked, randomly. Your expression froze, startled by the question.

“What?”

“I mean, if it’s okay to ask,” he said, tilting his head slightly, his tone careful. “You don’t have to—”

You swallowed hard, a lump forming in your throat. That question—it wasn’t one you wanted to answer again. Not now. Not ever.

“Close your eyes and rest,” you said flatly, “We’re done talking. The dead might hear us.”

The other one's face fell.

The sunlight was warm against Beomgyu's face, pulling him from his sleep. He blinked a few times, squinting at the brightness, trying to shake off his muzzy state.

"Hey, sleeping beauty." You say, "If you want to come, we need to go. Now."

He turned to see you already packing up, tossing a protein bar his way without looking. He barely caught it, fumbling it in his hands before managing a weak, “Thanks.”

"Let's go." You unscrewed your water bottle and took a quick drink before slinging your gear over your shoulder. Without waiting for him to respond, you started climbing down from the tree. Beomgyu followed, the descent easier than the nerve-wracking climb up last night, his legs still felt stiff from the awkward position he’d slept in. His feet hit the forest floor, and he took a deep breath. The woods in daylight were almost beautiful painting everything in shades of green.

He yawned, unwrapping his protein bar as he fell into step behind you. The two of you walked in silence, his eyes wandering over the scenery. It was hard to reconcile how peaceful the forest looked with the gnawing fear in his gut. About twenty minutes in, you suddenly stopped, your hand shooting up in a signal. Beomgyu, distracted, nearly walked into you.

“Infected,”

He followed your line of sight and spotted it—a man-shaped figure stumbling through the trees, its feet dragging awkwardly. The distance between you and it was still considerable.

Beomgyu glanced at you, his eyes wide. “How did you even see that?” he whispered. “I wouldn’t have noticed it until it was right in front of us.”

You ignored the question, “You haven't done this yet, so now’s the time to learn.”

Now, the words struck him awake. He’d known this was coming—he wasn’t naive—but he hadn’t expected it to be now. “Are you sure? Shouldn’t we find, I don’t know, somewhere more open for this?” He couldn’t help the nervous edge in his voice. Just weeks ago, his biggest challenge was memorizing their group's choreography.

“This is the perfect place to practice,” you said, not bothering to look at him.

He hesitated, shifting on his feet. “I mean, I’m not scared or anything, but—”

“Scared?” you interrupted, finally turning to him with a raised eyebrow.

“No. Let’s just get it over with.”

You nodded, pulling a knife from your belt and handing it to him. The weight of it in his hand felt foreign. He stared at the blade, the black handle smooth, well maintained. His eyes caught the faint etching of your name on it.

“Grip it like this,” you said, adjusting his grip. Your hands were firm, guiding his fingers into place. “Keep your thumb here for control. When you strike, aim for the head and use enough force so you don’t have to do it twice.”

He nodded, his throat dry. "Go in when I say.”

The infected was closer now, its groans louder, its movements jerky and unnatural. You gestured for him to move to the left, opposite of where you were going. He obeyed, his steps hesitant.

You moved quickly, drawing its attention. Beomgyu couldn’t take his eyes off you as you circled it without second thoughts or any fear.With a sharp kick, you knocked its legs out from under it. The infected collapsed to its knees, and you pressed your boot into its back, holding it in place. “Come here,”

Beomgyu swallowed hard, the knife trembling in his hand as he approached.

“Kill it,” you instructed, tilting the infected’s head to expose its temple.

His heart pounded as he raised the knife. He brought it down, but his strike lacked strength, and blade only sank halfway in. The infected howled, its hands clawing weakly at the air. “Y/N, I—what do I—”

“Again,” you cut him off, grabbing his other hand and placing it on the knife. “Use both hands if you have to. Pull it out and try again. Harder this time.”

He did as you said, the knife coming free with a sickening squelch. Blood splattered onto his hands, warm and sticky, and he nearly gagged. Clenching his teeth, he raised the blade again and drove it down with all his strength. The groaning stopped, the infected falling silent.

You let the body slump to the ground, standing up as Beomgyu stumbled away, his breaths coming in ragged gasps. He made it to the nearest tree before doubling over, the contents of his stomach spilling onto the forest floor.

Tears pricked at his eyes as he wiped his mouth. That infected—it wasn’t just a monster. It had been a person once, a living, breathing human being. Maybe they had a family waiting for them, a home filled with memories, or a life they’d worked hard to build. Maybe they’d been on a vacation or rushing to work the day the world fell apart.

Beomgyu’s breath hitched—he was the one who ended them, the one who took what little remained of their existence. He never imagined his life would come to this—how could he? Just a month ago, his world had been with roaring crowds, and music that echoed through stadiums. He’d been smiling at cameras, shooting music videos, and waving to fans who looked at him like he was untouchable, someone larger than life.

You crouched next to him, holding out a piece of cloth. He stared at your hand for a moment before taking it —your hands looked smaller than his, fragile—he wipes the blood on his trembling fingers.

How? How could you—manage to do all of this?

“You ended its suffering,” you said quietly, hesitant. “That’s how I try to think of it.”

“Does it get easier?”

“Never.”

It was just a single word, but somehow, it felt like a glimpse—Beomgyu feels closer. It felt like he knew you just a little bit better.

The two of you continued toward the overrun camp, the knife you’d lent Beomgyu still in his hands. For all the danger the weapon symbolized, it seemed to bring him a strange kind of comfort, his grip on it much more familiar.

Another walker crossed your path, Beomgyu stepped forward, more sure of himself this time. With just a little guidance from you, he managed to take it down.

Familiarity.

When you reached the backside of the camp, low growls echoed from ahead. Slowly, you leaned out to peek, careful not to make a sound. About a dozen infected, just as you expected.

And just as you'd predicted, the bandits had left too, leaving nothing behind but destruction. You moved, glancing over your shoulder to check on Beomgyu. He was scanning the area, his movements mirroring yours. That small action made your chest swell with pride.

He's learning. He's trying. And most of all, he's here—for his friends.

Together, you began checking the tents, moving smoothly and silently. Nothing. No survivors. But you found a few supplies—military rations, protein bars, ammo and some guns. Grabbing a duffel bag, you started packing up. Beomgyu helped in without hesitation.

Halfway through the camp, Beomgyu froze. His eyes locked on something ahead. That’s when you saw it too.

BEOMGYU, KAI, WE GOT OUT. WITH THE OTHERS. WE’RE HEADING TO THE JEONJU CAMP. STAY SAFE. SB, YJ, AND TH.

“They got out,” Beomgyu said, his voice breaking the silence. Relief washed over him, lifting some of the weight he’d been carrying. Kai wasn’t with them yet, but this was hope. He would find Kai too. He’d see this message too. “I knew it!”

He spun around to face you, a grin breaking across his face. He pumped his fist in the air, silently cheering as if he’d just hit the jackpot. That boyish smile, dimples and all, made him look so much younger.

And then, he saw it—a faint, fleeting curve of your lips.

His laugh bubbled out, soft and genuine, as he ran toward you, nearly tripping over his own feet in excitement. You're perfect, he thinks, the thought hitting him as naturally as breathing. You try to step back, caught off guard, but it’s too late.

It’s already too late.

“I freaking knew it,” he said, his arms around you warm, his chin resting on the top of your head. You stood frozen, your hands awkwardly at your sides, nodding stiffly.

“I told you,” he whispered. When he finally steps back, his eyes search your face, the smile he’d seen just moments ago is already gone. You look away, avoiding his gaze, and the sudden absence of it—leaves an ache in his chest.

He wants to see it again.

“Let’s wrap this up and circle outside the camp,” you say, pulling the zipper closed on the duffel bag you’d packed full. “We need to check if Kai’s lingering nearby. And we’ll need to secure a vehicle too. We’re in Daejeon—its a long way to Jeonju.”

“Thank you.” Beomgyu’s voice is quiet, and his cheeks flush red as he remembers his earlier outburst—the way he’d hugged you without thinking. Maybe it was the relief from the message, or maybe it was just seeing you smile at him for the first time.

“Why do you think they’re in Jeonju?”

“Probably got a radio response,”

He nods, falling in step behind you as you heft the duffel bag over your shoulder. Beomgyu quickens his pace, catching up to you. He tugs the bag from your hands. “Let me take this,”

The two of you stepped out of the tent, the silence heavy between you. You were nearing the camp’s edge when Beomgyu noticed you slowing down, your steps faltering.

Seo-jun.

His movements were slow, his hands trembling as he stumbled forward. He's looking at you. Seo-jun’s blood-soaked uniform and gaping bite on his neck entered your vision. Gunshot wounds riddled his chest—a soldier’s final stand. He had fought. Hard. For his team. For everyone.

"Y/N?" Beomgyu’s voice broke through the haze, soft but urgent. He noticed that you had stopped, your gaze fixed on the infected figure ahead. He squinted, and his heart sank when he realized it was someone from your team.

Seven years. You had known Seo-jun for seven years. You had planned to make things right with him, to talk, to reconcile. But how could you now? How could you fix things when he was already lost? You tried to blink away the moisture from your eyes.

“Am I ever getting a break?” you muttered to yourself, the words bitter. "Even here, you find a way to mock me, Seo-jun."

Beomgyu could hear the shakiness in your voice, the rawness in the way you spoke. He listens.

You couldn’t leave him like this. Alone in his lifeless form, wandering endlessly. He deserved more than that. “Come on, you shit,” you muttered, your throat tightening as you stepped forward, reaching for your knife. But you froze.

Around his neck, alongside his dog tags, hung another set. Min Ju-won’s. Even at the end, Seo-jun had carried that burden, blaming himself for something you both knew wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t let it go, not even in death.

Beomgyu moved before he could think. He didn't know if it was the look in your eyes or the way your hand trembled, but he knew one thing: he couldn’t let you do this. While Seo-jun was distracted by your figure, Beomgyu raised his weapon. Just as you had taught him hours ago, he aimed for the head.

Seo-jun’s body crumpled to the ground. Beomgyu guided him down gently, almost reverently. From his backpack, Beomgyu pulled an extra jacket. Without a word, he draped it over Seo-jun’s face. It wasn’t much, but it was the only dignity he could offer.

When he stood, his eyes met yours, raw and glistening with emotion.

“Why—” Your voice cracked, unable to finish the question.

“He was your friend,” he said quietly. “I'm not going to let you do that. Not while I’m here.”

Friend.

That single word shattered whatever fragile wall you’d been holding up. A tear slipped down your cheek before you could stop it, and you quickly wiped it away with your hand.

“He’s not suffering anymore,” Beomgyu added softly, his hand gently brushing the top of your head—you avoided his eyes, yet again. “He’s not suffering,”

He bent down to grab the duffel bag he’d dropped earlier, slinging it over one shoulder. Then, he reached out, his hand wrapping around your wrist.

“Let's get out of here.” He pulled you forward.

Beomgyu's hand didn’t leave yours until the two of you were far beyond the camp.

"Hey," you called out to Beomgyu, who was busy checking a nearby car. "This looks fresh—like it hasn’t been here long." He made his way over, and you held out—a baseball, cap.

"Wait," Beomgyu said, eyes widening as he took it. Turning it over in his hands, he inspected it closely. "This… this is Kai’s,"

When you looked at him, a small smile was already spreading across his face, lighting up his features like it always did.

Beomgyu… he was so easily moved by the smallest things. It didn’t take much to make him smile. Or maybe it wasn’t that simple. Maybe it was because he loved his brothers, that even the smallest sign of them was enough to give him something to hold onto.

You dropped your gaze when his eyes met yours and moved toward the next car, pretending. But your thoughts refused to stay put. Here you were again, thinking about him—about his silly antics.

In the past twelve hours, it felt like he’d done nothing but occupy your mind. Every small moment with him clung to you. The way his voice softened when he spoke—The way he’d quietly ask, “You okay?” as if you were the one who needed saving.

After Seo-jun—he hadn’t said a word about it. No awkward condolences, no probing questions. Just silence—the kind you needed. Like he just… knew. No one had ever been like this—this careful, this kind. No one had ever looked at you the way he did, with eyes that were too brown and too full of something you didn’t want to name.

You didn’t like it.

You didn’t like it at all.

“I think Kai’s already ahead of us,” you bit into the bland military ration that was handed to you. “Heading towards Jeonju, if those tracks are anything to go by. He’s smart.”

“He is,” Beomgyu agreed, a small smile at his lips as he stirred the contents of his disposable pack. “He’s the calmest one too.”

“Then I guess we will see him there,” you said with a shrug. “Now all we need to do is find a working car.”

“A manual,”

“Hm.”

“That has gas in it.”

“Figures,” you muttered. “But that’ll be the easier part.”

Silence settled over the two of you again, it had become strangely common. You both ate, focused on the food. Every so often, you’d catch Beomgyu glancing your way, and flashes you his small, boyish grin on his face.

You tossed the empty pack toward a nearby car and wiped your hands on your pants. “It’s getting dark soon,” you said. “We should camp nearby and head out at first light.” Moving at night was usually the smarter option, especially with a vehicle and a full team. But here, now? Just the two of you, on foot, with no guarantee of shelter or backup—it wasn’t worth the risk.

Sticking to the woods was safer. The fewer infected—or people—you encountered, the better. You only ventured onto the road when there was a car worth checking.

In the fading light, a barn came into view. Its doors were wide open, silhouetted against the trees. You signaled Beomgyu to wait outside while you moved to secure the area. Inside, it was clear the owner had left in a hurry, taking most of what mattered. It was empty, save for a few odds and ends no one had cared to take—its enough for a temporary shelter.

“Looks good enough,” you murmured as you stepped back outside. Beomgyu nodded, already starting to unload your supplies. The discovery of a small lake nearby was an unexpected bonus.

“I’m going to wash up,” you said, gathering what you needed and slinging your gun over your shoulder. Beomgyu gave a slight nod, his eyes lingering on you as you walked away.

The water was cold, scouring away the dirt and sweat. You were quick, not wanting to leave Beomgyu alone for long. When you returned, your damp hair clung to your neck, and your skin was clean and slightly chilled.

“Your turn,” He glanced up, eyes flitting over your freshly washed face. His heart thudded hard in his chest. Cute, he thought, forcing himself to look away. Beomgyu nodded, grabbing his things and heading out to the lake. He came back just as fast, hair dripping but visibly refreshed.

You sat side by side on the makeshift bedding, neither of you saying much. Beomgyu’s soft breathing enters your ears—hand rested close enough that you could almost feel its warmth against your skin.

You found your eyes beginning to close with peace you hadn’t realized you were still capable of feeling.

Beomgyu woke up, immediately turning to his left. There you were, curled up on your side, the rise and fall of your chest visible in the dim space. He stared, mesmerized—it was the first time he’d ever seen you asleep. You looked… soft. A side of you he never thought he’d witness.

He shifted. The urge to pee was becoming unbearable. Careful not to wake you, Beomgyu slipped off and crept toward the barn door. The cold air hit him as he stepped outside, wrapping his arms tightly around himself for warmth. He scanned the area just like you’d taught him—ears tuned to every sound. Nothing.

He let out a breath of relief and headed to a nearby tree. Unzipping his pants, he took care of business quickly, the chill urging him to hurry. After he finished and zipped back up, a faint rustling behind him made him stop. Before he could turn, a large, rough hand clamped over his mouth, oppressing his scream. Another arm locked around his neck, pulling him back against a solid chest.

“Shut up if you value your life,” a low, gravelly voice growled against his ear. The man holding him inhaled deeply near his hair, a disgusting, exaggerated sniff. “Freshly washed. You’ve got a place nearby, don’t you?”

Beomgyu’s eyes darted ahead, and his stomach dropped when three more men stepped into view. Each held a weapon—a bat, a knife, and worst, a pistol. The man restraining him gives a rough shake, his breath hot and foul. “Don’t make me ask again. Where’s your camp?”

Beomgyu shook his head violently, panic blooming in his chest. He couldn't—he wouldn't—lead them back to you. The thought of them finding you, sleeping and unaware—this was his fault. He should have been more careful.

The man growled in frustration. “Y' think this is a joke?” he spat, hardening his chokehold. Beomgyu’s throat made a strangled sound as he gasped for air. The man with the knife stepped forward, expression predatory. “Maybe this will help him remember,” he said, pressing the blade against Beomgyu’s cheek. The sharp metal bit into his skin, not enough to draw blood, but enough to make him wince.

“There’s a barn ahead,” the one with the baseball bat said,“Think that’s it?” Beomgyu’s reaction betrayed him—his wide eyes and the flash of fear gave them all the confirmation they needed.

“Yeah,” the man holding him laughed darkly, “that’s it.”

Before Beomgyu could resist, they forced his hands behind his back and bound them tightly, shoving a cloth into his mouth to stifle any protest. He struggled, but it was no use—they yanked him forward, dragging him roughly toward the barn. And he knew exactly where they were taking him. To you.

“Fucking hell,” the man holding Beomgyu growled, his gaze shifting to your sleeping figure inside the barn. A dark grin tugged at his lips. “Is this what you’re so scared of? Afraid we’ll take her away from you?”

Beomgyu thrashed, desperate to scream, to warn you, but the cloth bound tight in his mouth smothered any sound. The group moved closer, one of them stepping forward to push the barn door open. The large, old door creaked. It wasn’t loud, but it was enough to wake you.

Your eyes snapped open, adjusting to the figures looming at the entrance, shadows that didn’t belong. Your hand reached for the gun nearby. The glint of their weapons caught your eye as they aimed at you in return.

“Sweetheart,” the tallest man drawled, stepping forward. His tone was mocking, dangerous. He shoved someone in front of him—Beomgyu. Your breath hitched as your eyes locked onto his. His face was pale, streaked with dirt and tears, and a raw red mark marred his cheek. His wide, terrified eyes pleaded with you.

Red.

“What the fuck do you want, asshole?” You cocked your gun, the sharp metallic click echoing. One of them flinched. Good.

The leader sneered, shoving Beomgyu roughly to the side. He tied him to a post like he was nothing more than an animal. Your jaw tightened as you watched the way they manhandled him, your fists clenching around the gun. When he was done, the leader turned back to you, whistling low at the deadly glare you levelled at him. His cocky smirk only deepened.

“You look loaded,” he said, his eyes flicking to the bags by the wall. “And since you asked so nicely, we’d also like to take turns with you, sweetheart.”

Beomgyu shook his head violently from where he was tied, his muffled cries useless against their laughter. His chest heaved, panic consuming him as the men began to advance on you.

“We’re lucky you’re here,” the leader continued, leering. “If we didn’t have a choice, we’d take the boy instead. He’s got such a pretty face, after all.”

Red.

All you saw was red.

Your vision blurred as rage consumed you. You let one of them grab your gun without resistance. It didn’t matter.

You'll kill them all.

The leader was close now, grabbing a fistful of your hair to tilt your head back. His face was inches from yours, his smirk as disgusting as the words spilling from his mouth. “What’s the matter, sweetheart? No fight left in you?”

You smirked—just a little. It was enough to confuse him, before he could react, your teeth sank into his throat. Hard.

It was a spot right where you knew it would hurt most. A pressure point. His scream ripped through while he stumbled back, clutching at the gaping wound with blood pouring through his fingers. The bitter, metallic taste flooded your mouth, but you didn't stop. You grabbed the gun he dropped as he fell and turned, firing without hesitation.

BANG.

The man who had taken your gun didn’t even have time to aim before he hit the ground.

“Fuck—” one of them snarled, charging at you. Before he could get too close, your foot sweeped his legs out from under him. He hit the ground with a grunt.

BANG.

You aim your gun and pulled the trigger on his face. The man with the bat.

Pain exploded in your shoulder, a gunshot tearing through your flesh, but you didn’t flinch. His mistake wasn’t pulling the trigger; it was not aiming for your head like you aimed for his.

BANG.

The leader gurgled, blood bubbling up from his lips as he stared at you in disbelief. “Monster—” he chokes on the floor, his hands futilely gripping his shredded throat. His blood pooled beneath him as he sputtered his last, trying and failing to form a single word. “You—”

BANG.

You stared at the four lifeless bodies beneath you, the gun in your hand began to feel impossibly heavy. Blood clung to your shirt like a second skin, still warm, sticky. Your mouth tasted metallic, your hair a disheveled mess from the earlier struggle.

Behind you, Beomgyu sat slumped against the post, trembling. He’d watched everything—every deafening shot, every life you’d taken to protect. His body flinched with each pull of the trigger. Now, his tears streamed freely, but not out of fear. No, this wasn’t fear.

He was crying because you had to do this.

Sobbing around the cloth still gagging him, his muffled cries echoing in the now-silent barn. You moved, steps distant, as if someone else controlled them. You crouched down and began untying the ropes binding Beomgyu to the post. His breath hitched as your fingers worked the knots, your hands stained with blood that was not yours. The ropes fell loose. Beomgyu searched your face, desperate for some sign of emotion—but your eyes were blank, lost.

Before he could speak, you stood, bolting toward the barn door. Beomgyu panicked. He hiccuped, scrambling to his feet, his legs weak from being tied up for so long. “Y/N!” he tried to call, but his voice cracked. His head spinning.

You were gone. Were you leaving him? He looked around frantically, his feet faltering as the barn opened into the cool night. He couldn’t lose you. Not now.

Beomgyu finds you at the small lake nearby, kneeling in the water. The cold ripples lapped at your clothes, soaking them, but you didnt seem to notice. Your hands scrubbed furiously at your arms, over and over, like you were trying to erase your own skin. “Y/N,”

“Y-You were shot,” he said, voice cracking. His eyes darted to your shoulder, blood had begun to seep through your shirt.

You gasped for air, your chest squeezing with every shallow breath. No matter how hard you tried, it felt like the air couldn't reach your lungs. Your hands clutched your face as if you could physically hold yourself together—thoughts raced through your mind, loud and suffocating. The world around you blurred and warped, slipping further and further from your grasp.

You killed them.

“Y/N—” Beomgyu’s voice broke through. “Breathe—”

You barely registered him.

“Can you—”

“Look at me!” he shouted, louder this time. Hands cupping your face, trembling as much as yours. “Baby, look at me.” Your eyes darted up, locking onto his. Your tears spilled down your face.

“That’s it,” he said, his voice softening, “Just keep looking at me, brave girl.” You leaned into him, your weight heavy against his chest. His soft voice leads you.

“Okay,” he said, his forehead brushing yours gently. “I need you to help me out. Can you do that?” You nodded weakly in his arms.

“Good. Start with five things you can see. Anything, okay? Just tell me five things.” Your gaze darted, focusing on anything you could name. “The tree,” you whispered shakily. “The grass. The water. Your tears. And…you.”

“That’s it,” he said, “Now, four things you can touch. What are they?”

“Your hands,” you murmured, your fingers twitching against his. “The water. My hair. And…stones.”

“Perfect,” he said, his thumbs now against your cheeks. “What about three things you can hear?” You breathed deeply this time, the cloud in your head beginning to lift. “The wind. The water. And you.” His lips curved into the smallest, most fragile smile. “Two things you can smell?”

You hesitated. “The blood,” you admitted, voice cracking. “And…the trees.”

“One thing you can taste.”

You swallowed hard, finally meeting his eyes fully. “Metal,” you whispered, voice barely audible.

"You did it." Beomgyu’s voice trembled, his hands cradling your face with a gentleness that only made the tears come faster. He does his best to brush them away. "Thank fuck."

“Beomgyu,” his name on your lips slips out barely more than a whisper. Forehead pressed against his shoulder, your arms wrapping around him slowly, shakily, until they found their place on his back.

There's a soft press of lips against your temple, warm and fleeting.

He helped you wash the blood off your body, his hands careful, never lingering longer than necessary. His gaze flicked to yours every few seconds, searching for some sign of permission—or maybe for you to tell him to stop. But you didn't. You can't, not when his eyes held that pleading look, soft and desperate, as if this was the only way he could help you carry the weight of what had happened.

When it came time to clean your face, you stopped him with a slight shake of your head. He didn’t argue.

Later, he examined the gunshot wound on your shoulder, gently turning you to check for an exit wound. Relief flickered across his face when he found one. “It’s nothing I can’t handle, had this more than I can keep track of.” you replied. His head snapped up, disbelief written all over his features.

The two of you walked back to the barn in silence, clothes damp from the lake. Your hands swung loosely at your sides, brushing his once, then twice, until Beomgyu hesitantly reached out and took your hand in his. You didn’t pull away.

“You can wait here,” he said softly when the barn came into view. “I’ll grab our things. We need to leave—someone might’ve heard.” You nodded, understanding without him saying it: he didn’t want you to see the bodies again.

Within minutes, he returned with your bags. You rummaged through yours, finding fresh pants and underwear but no shirt. “Do you have a shirt?”

“I do,” He's already handing it to you.

“Thanks.”

Slipping it over your head, you caught the faint scent of him—musky, with a subtle sweetness. It suited him.

The two of you moved to a nearby tree, settling under its shadow. The world was still dark, the night stretching on endlessly. You sat beside him, his shoulders side by side with yours.“Can you say it again?”

“What?”

“My name,” he said, clearing his throat awkwardly. You noticed the tips of his ears reddening. “Like you did earlier.”

“No,”

He chuckled, his gaze falling to where your hands rested in your lap. “As I expected.” When you did not respond, he ventured another question. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“What about it?”

“Was that your first t—”

“It wasn’t,” you cut him off, your eyes fixed ahead. You didn’t know why, but the words kept coming. “I’ve killed before. Being a soldier in the war… it wasn’t a choice. Sometimes I even had to kill my own teammates.” You paused,“But this… it’s different. They were civilians.”

“You had to kill your teammates too?”

You turned to him, studying the calm expression on his face. His eyes—the same ones that had anchored you earlier—held no trace of distrust, even after your confession. “Why aren’t you freaked out by this?”

“Because I want to know you,” he said with a small shrug. “Believe it or not, I’ve always been a good judge of character—or at least, that’s what my mom used to say. Soobin, too.” He paused, his lashes casting faint shadows on his cheeks. “Ever since I met you, there hasn’t been a single thing you’ve done that I couldn’t understand.” The answer caught you off guard, made something in you falter.

"I had to kill them because they asked me to,"

“Then you're the strongest person I’ve ever met.” You didn’t know how to respond—you dont trust your voice not to break. How could he look at you like that after everything he’d seen? After all you’d done?

Minutes passed, when you felt him shift beside you, his arm lifting as he gently guided your head to rest on his shoulder. The warmth of him made it easier to close your eyes.

"You can rest now,"

“This one doesn’t work either,” Beomgyu called out from up ahead. You were still busy checking the car you’d been inspecting—never mind. It didn’t work, either.

“Should we just go on foot?” he asked, exasperation into his voice. It had been over a day of wandering and hoping to find a working vehicle. There’d been a few infected here and there, but sticking to the backroads had kept you from running into anything worse than a small group.

“It’s dangerous,” you replied without looking up.

Silence.

Beomgyu never let a comment slide without a retort, you know that by now. Heart thumping, you stepped out of the car and scanned the area, instincts on high alert.

“BAH!” He jumped out in front of you, doubling over with laughter so intense it sounded like he might choke. “You should’ve seen your face!” he managed between gasps. “It was so cute.”

“Are you done?”

Clearing his throat, Beomgyu grinned. It was just another one of his attempts to get on your nerves. He pulled something from his pocket—a dusty Polaroid camera he had found in one of the trucks. He flipped it open and checked the film. Two shots left. Without missing a beat, he raised it to his face and clicked the button.

You blinked, unimpressed. “Are you even checking the cars, or are you just running around pretending to be Dora the Explorer?”

Beomgyu smirked as the film began developing. “You watch Dora?”

“No.”

“You just mentioned her.”

“She’s famous.”

“So am I,” he shot back. “But you didn’t know me before this.”

“Are you seriously going to bring that up again?”

“Heh.” Beomgyu’s grin only widened. He could almost see it—the tiniest twitch at the corner of your lips before you turned away. Almost. It made his heart flutter in that stupid, uncontrollable way he hated admitting to himself.

As the photo developed, he glanced down at it. The image of you slowly came into view—you, standing in the middle of the road, hair pulled into a loose ponytail, staring at something out of frame with a faintly confused look on your face. “Beautiful,” he exhales.

If you looked this good now, how stunning would you be on a normal day?

If this were a normal day, Beomgyu would be all over you.He’d give you flowers every single day, just to make you smile. He’d buy you anything you wanted—or even things you didn’t know you needed. Love is effort. It's what his parents taught him. — And he’d give it, all of it. He’d take photos of you, even beg if he had to, make playlists for you, play games with you, anything.

He wondered if you’d be any good at FPS games. You were already a menace with a gun in real life, so you’d probably be terrifying in a match.

Maybe, if the world ever allowed it, he’d convince you to visit Daegu, his hometown with him. His parents would love you. His brother, too, though Beomgyu would definitely have to bribe him to keep his mouth shut about the massive crush he’d been harboring on you. Would you like… Toto?

Beomgyu stared at the camera in his hands. Who knows if he’ll ever get another moment like this—another chance—in a world as unpredictable as this one? The idea settles in his mind, and he doesn’t let himself hesitate. “Let’s take a picture together.”

You stopped in your tracks, turning to give him that deadpan, unamused stare—the one that always made Beomgyu bite back a grin. Another idea sparked his mind, “Okay, listen. After this, I promise not to mess around anymore,” He jutted his lower lip out just slightly, eyes pleading like a puppy who’d been caught chewing on a shoe.

“You promise.”

“Cross my heart,” he said quickly, nodding like his life depended on it. When you didn’t immediately reply, he skipped towards you. He knew this silence, too—your subtle little “yes” that didn’t require any words. He’d been observing you to pick up on your signals, even the smallest ones.

Without giving you time to change your mind, Beomgyu lifted the camera, stepped close, and pressed his cheek against yours. The faint warmth of your skin against his made his stomach flip, but he ignored it, snapping the picture before you could pull away.

You jerked back, shaking your head.

As the photo developed, Beomgyu stared at it, the edges curling faintly as the image sharpened. There it was—your face, with that same unamused look, your lips slightly pressed together like a daughter forced into posing for an overly enthusiastic mom. Beside you was him, the complete opposite—grinning like an idiot, dimples on full display, both your faces so close, touching.

Something about the contrast, about the way your expressions came together on that tiny square, made his heart do that stupid fluttering thing again. He tucked the photo into his pocket, alongside the other one.

He kept his promise and moved to the next car with you.

After three more hours of searching, you finally found a working car. Beomgyu let out an excited cheer, breaking into his little happy dance again. You tried not to smile, tried not to let his enthusiasm rub off on you—but, honestly, it was getting harder and harder to resist.

"Catch," you called, tossing the last bag to him. He caught it easily, stashing it in the backseat. Sliding into the driver’s seat, you glanced over as he settled into the passenger side. He looked so at ease there, sprawling out and fiddling with something on the dash. A passenger princess. Or was it prince? Either way, you could get used to him being there, looking peaceful for once.

You started the engine and pulled out onto the road, the car’s windows down to let in the cool breeze. As you drove, Beomgyu’s gaze drifted to your hair, your loose ponytail starting to come undone from the wind.

“Let me fix this for you,” he said, leaning over.

You felt his hands gently brush against your hair as he worked, careful not to distract you too much while you focused on the road. In the rearview mirror, you caught sight of his face—his brow furrowed in concentration, lips slightly parted. His fingers brushed against your neck as he gathered your hair, the touch light and deliberate. You could feel the care in the way he worked, securing the ponytail more tightly this time. "There."

When he finished, he leaned back, his hands falling to his lap as he took a moment to admire his work—admiring you. His gaze lingered, drinking in the curve of your face, the way your hands gripped the steering wheel just tight enough. He never felt safer than he did here, by your side. Somehow, in the middle of all this, he’d found his safe place.

His safe place.

“Try to get some sleep while I drive,” Beomgyu's unable to look away—you were right there in front of him, so effortlessly beautiful it made his heart ache. The soft curve of your cheeks, the faint flush that he couldn’t stop staring at—he wanted to reach out, to brush his lips against them, to trace the tip of your nose with his own.

In the short time he’d been alone with you—just forty-eight hours—it felt like he’d known you a lifetime. Like you’d been waiting there all along, someone he was meant to find. He wants to know more.

“Yeah, sleep. Sure.” He replies, words catching in his throat.

You’ve been driving for a while now. Beside you, Beomgyu was fast asleep, his soft snores fill your ears. A faint smile tugged at your lips as you glanced over, his head resting against the window, one hand tucked beneath it like a pillow.

The camp was close, maybe 15 minutes away. Just 15 more minutes before you’d be separated from him. The thought twisted something deep in your chest. Selfish. You knew it was selfish to feel this way. You barely knew him, and yet…

You glanced at him again, his face soft and unguarded in sleep. Everything else seemed to fade—the road ahead, the weight of your responsibilities, even the constant buzz of survival.

Survival.

Being with him didn’t feel like you were just trying to survive.

Him—who had no choice but to end up with you. You were about to leave that camp. You're already far. But when you saw him at that overrun camp, darting between tents with nothing but desperation and bad luck to shield him from the bandits, something inside you shifted. You just moved. Your feet carried you forward before your mind could catch up, before the voice of reason could stop you.

You didn’t know then that the next two days with him would chip away at the walls you’d built.

It was the little things, mostly. The way he insisted you eat first, even when food was scarce. The way he handed you the best parts of the military rations. How he seemed to know when the weight of the barn still lingered in your mind, distracting you with his terrible jokes or a question just long enough to pull you out of it. Or how he’d ask if you’d slept okay, like it mattered in a world where nothing really did.

And that smile he gives you—so easy, so genuine, even when there was no reason for it. Like he just couldn’t help himself. But now, it was ending. It had to end. You have to end it.

You tightened your grip on the wheel, staring hard at the road ahead. This was the right thing to do, the smart thing. You’d get him to safety, to people who could take care of him better than you ever could.

He didn’t belong out here with you, and you didn’t belong anywhere.

Survival.

There's nothing more that terrified you.

You spot the camp—Jeonju. It’s much bigger, with sturdy railings circling the perimeter to keep the infected out. The car rolls closer, the guards stationed on top of the walls notice you. A blinding floodlight clicks on. You know what that means: get out and identify yourselves.

“Beomgyu,” you say, shaking him awake. “We’re here. Wake up, dumbass.”

“Huh? Oh,” he mutters, the light strike his face. “Got it.”

“We’ll leave our stuff in the car for now. We just need to head up there and check in.” He nods, following your lead as you climb out. You raise both hands in the air, palms open. Beomgyu mimics you.

“State your business!” one of the guards calls down from the wall.

Before you can answer, you notice movement out of the corner of your eye. An infected, shambling closer—too close to Beomgyu. You’re already moving, boots hitting the dirt as you drive your foot into its chest and plunge your knife into its skull.

You step back into position, brushing some blood off your sleeve. “Park Y/N!” you shout up at the guard. “I report directly to Captain Joon. I’ve got Choi Beomgyu with me—a rescued civilian.”

You waited for ten minutes, at most.

The gates creak open, the panels sliding apart to reveal three soldiers stepping out, their rifles at the ready. One of them freezes, his eyes going wide. “That’s really Y/N from the Black Berets. Idiot.”

You ignore his outburst, your gaze cool as it shifts to his badge. “Can we go in now, Ji-min?”

The soldiers straighten instantly, snapping salutes in your direction. Two of them move toward the car, offering to grab your supplies. You give them a curt nod before turning to Beomgyu, only to find him already looking at you—his eyes, questioning.

“Is my team here?” you ask the soldier who stayed behind.

“Yes,” You glance back at Beomgyu. His stare now answered. Without another word, you both start to walk toward the gate.

Beomgyu’s eyes widened, his breath unstable after he spotted the four figures waiting inside. They were here. They were really here.

Before he could fully process it, Soobin’s tall frame sprinted toward him, Yeonjun and Taehyun close behind. He barely noticed you stepping aside to give them space, his entire focus locked on his brothers. The first embrace hit him like a floodgate bursting. Strong arms pulled him in, and the dam he’d tried so hard to hold together crumbled. He buried his face into the familiar comfort of Soobin’s shoulder, trying desperately not to sob. He had missed them. They had never left his mind—not once.

“Choi Beomgyu,” Soobin said, pulling back just enough to look at him. “Are you okay?”

Yeonjun’s hand came up to gently ruffle his hair, a comforting gesture that made the lump in Beomgyu’s throat harder to swallow. “You’re not hurt, right?”

Beomgyu shook his head, sniffling as he wiped at his face.

“You took your time,” Taehyun teased with a small smile. “Sorry we couldn't wait for you back there. It's impossible to get to you, but we really tried.”

“It does not matter,” Beomgyu replied quickly, “Wait—where’s Kai?”

“He’s not here yet,” Soobin admitted, voice pained. “But one of the soldiers saw him escaping with someone else—a soldier. They said he made it out.”

“That ambush was insane,” Beomgyu nodded, even his heart ached. He had to hold onto hope. Kai was strong—he’d make it. Maybe tomorrow, or the day after, Kai would walk through those gates too.

A sudden panic shot through him, his head snapping to the side. “What’s wrong?”

Beomgyu eyes scanned the cluster of soldiers nearby. Where are you? He finally spotted you, standing with Captain Joon. The older man looked serious, but there was a warmth in his demeanor as he clapped a hand on your shoulder. You said something to him, your expression calm. Captain Joon’s face softened, and for a moment, it looked like he wanted to pull you into an embrace.

“She’s been with you this whole time?” Yeonjun asked, surprised.

“Since the start,”

Soobin doesn’t wait. He steps forward, taking Beomgyu by the arm as Yeonjun and Taehyun fall in beside them. Together, the four approach you. You don't have time to register what’s happening before Soobin wraps his arms around you in a unexpected hug.

“Thank you,” he said, voice thick with emotion. “Thank you for bringing him back to us.”

You glance over Soobin’s shoulder, catching Beomgyu’s gaze. He’s watching you, his eyes soft and full of something unspoken—a warmth that makes your chest tighten. You manage a small smile in return, the corners of your lips curving just enough to acknowledge him. He gives back a grin, that makes his dimple appear.

Gently patting Soobin on the back, you step away. “How are you holding up?” you ask,“I heard Kai’s not here yet. But with Ji-ho looking out for him, I know he’ll make it. He’s capable.”

Your words seem to ease the tension in the group. Soobin nods, his shoulders relaxing slightly. Yeonjun offers a faint smile, and even Taehyun pats your shoulder.

“We’re managing,” Soobin says. “Just waiting to hear what Hybe’s next steps are.”

Captain Joon appeared beside you, his hand resting lightly on your shoulder. “You’ve done enough for today,” he says. “Go wash up. Dinner will be ready soon.”

Beomgyu trails behind the other three, footsteps slower, reluctant. He looks back over his shoulder, at the direction you went—away from him, toward your own assigned space. This camp is massive, lined with rows of tents in all shapes and sizes, yet somehow, even with so many people around, Beomgyu feels unmoored without you nearby.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. You’ll need to change the bandage on your shoulder soon. He knows that, just like he knows you probably won’t bother unless someone reminds you. It’s always him who keeps track, who insists on helping you replace the worn-out wraps.

“Here’s your room,” Taehyun points to the tent ahead. Beomgyu steps inside, placing his things near the bed. It’s small but better—an actual mattress and even a tiny bathroom. He crouches by his bag, pulling out a fresh set of clothes for after his shower.

He tugs off his shirt, fingers brushed against the knife strapped to his belt. Slowly, he unhooks it, focuses on the small engraving on the handle—your name, etched deep into the worn metal. Would you want it back? Probably. The thought makes his pout, because he doesn’t want to let it go. Not yet.

He crosses the room and sets the knife carefully on the small table, almost tenderly, like it's an object meant for something more delicate than killing.

He showers with his heart feeling impossibly heavy.

Your hair was still damp from the shower, clinging to your neck as you ran a towel through it. Tugging a fresh pair of cargo pants up your hips, you reached for your shirt.

“You should always keep it wrapped as long as it’s not healed yet.” His voice echoed in your mind, unbidden.

“Fucking Choi Beomgyu,” you muttered, shaking your head as you grabbed the roll of bandages from the small supply pile nearby. “Always so annoying.”

Your fingers worked quickly, wrapping the fresh bandage around your shoulder. The wound looked much better now. Once you were satisfied it was comfortable, you pulled your shirt over your head and stepped out of your tent.

Your stomach growled in response with the smeel of cooking. A warm meal—finally. “Y/N!”

You turned at the sound of Yeonjun’s voice. He waved you over, seated with their small group near one of the campfires. Several other campfires are on the open space with large pots of food simmered over flames. “Sit down here,” Yeonjun offered, patting the spot on the log beside him.

You took the seat, extending your hands toward the warmth of the fire. Across, your eyes met Beomgyu’s. He was seated opposite you, quiet for once, his gaze flickering away as soon as it met yours.

Yeonjun handed you a steaming bowl of soup, carefully scooped from the pot. “Fill up. It’s good,” he said with a grin.

“Thanks,” you murmured, taking the bowl into your hands. You reached for a spoon, Soobin beat you to it, holding one out.

“We’ve been waiting for you,” he said, his tone matter-of-fact. “Let me know if you need seconds.”

You cleared your throat, a little thrown off by the casual care they offered. It wasn’t something you were used to.

The conversation around the fire swirled, voices rising and falling as they swapped stories. You ate in silence, letting the warmth of the meal soothe you. It had been so long since you’d had something like this. But one person wasn’t talking much. Beomgyu.

You coughed—ate a little too fast, the food catching in your throat. It has only been a second when a water bottle was offered.

“Drink up,” Beomgyu said, already twisting the cap off for you. He reached for your bowl, holding it steady so you could take the bottle from his hand. You took a sip, the cool water easing the discomfort. “Thanks,” you muttered.

“That’s right, Beomgyu,” Taehyun teased, smirking. “Take care of her. I’m sure she had to drag your sorry ass out there.”

“She did not!” Beomgyu blurted, his ears turning red.

“Oh, I bet she carried you on her back,” Yeonjun chimed in, clearly enjoying himself. “What? No way!”

“You probably teased her the whole time,” Taehyun added, grinning.

“I didn’t—”

“What a baby,” Soobin finished with a dramatic shake of his head.

Their teasing bounced around the fire, growing louder. Mixed with exaggerated groans as playful shoves sent shoulders bumping on the log seats. Beomgyu, red-faced and clearly at his limit, stomped his foot on the ground in mock frustration.

You couldn’t help it; a laugh escaped you, small at first but growing. You quickly covered your mouth with the back of your hand, your shoulders shaking as you tried to stifle it.

Beomgyu's wide eyes locked on you. You laughed. You finally fucking laughed. He feels his heart about to burst at the sweet sound.

“Oh-ho, look at her!” Soobin exclaimed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “The stress must’ve caught up with her. This is your fault, Choi Beomgyu!”

"Choi Soobin, you shi—," Beomgyu sputtered in protest, and more laughter joined with you.

It had been a week since that night by the fire. A week since Beomgyu arrived at the camp with you—and a week since he last saw you laugh like that. He could still picture it—your face by the warm glow of the fire, the soft orange light making you look almost ethereal. Did you know how exquisite you look when your eyes crinkle with joy? “Did you cut the vegetables, Beomgyu?” Yeonjun asked him as he pointed at the makeshift kitchen in the camp. “Yeah, I did,” he replied, tossing the emptied cans into the trash. He’d offered to handle it, trying to distract himself. Hybe still hadn’t contacted the military about their group, so they’d started helping around. The soldiers were reluctant at first, but Soobin had talked them into it. Now, they pitched in with small domestic tasks—delivering freshly laundered clothes from the women who washed them, cutting vegetables for the large communal meals, anything to stay useful. Beomgyu learned there were about forty-five people at the camp: nine civilians like them, eleven workers, and twenty-five soldiers. It had been a week since you’d spoken to him. A week since you’d even looked at him. Beomgyu tried. He really did. He’d tried to reach out. He started waking up early—a feat for him, someone who once detested mornings—he’d wait by the path, knowing it was your routine to jog at first light. But the moment he saw you, stretching with Do-hyun under the rising sun, his courage crumbled. Feet rooted to the spot, unable to move closer. He tried during meals too, sweeping his eyes on the tables, hoping to sit with you—but every time their group arrived, you were already standing, tray in hand, heading somewhere he could not follow. He even lingered around the grounds, pretending to have something to do. Sometimes, he felt a pair of eyes on him—heart leaping at the possibility it was you—but when he looked up, the space was empty. Eventually, he’d retreat to his tent, his shoulders heavy with defeat. It felt like you were avoiding him. Ignoring him. Do you hate him? Did he do something wrong? He lay awake most nights, staring at the canvas ceiling of his tent, replaying your moments together over and over. He could still feel the warmth of your hands. The memory of you in his arms—how perfectly you fit in it. Were you okay? Was your shoulder healing as it should? Were you eating enough? Sleeping well? Had he already become invisible to you? What is he to you anyway? A friend? Do you even consider him as one?

“You’ve been out of it these past days, Beomgyu.” Yeonjun’s voice broke into his thoughts, accompanied by a firm hand on his shoulder. His eyes searched Beomgyu’s face, concern evident. “What’s troubling you?”

“Nothing, I…” Beomgyu’s voice cracked as he tried to answer. He swallowed hard, looking away. “I guess I’m just… more tired than usual.”

“If you need to talk, let me know, okay?”

"When are you going to talk to him?" Do-hyun asked, breathless, as you pulled him to his feet after knocking him down for what felt like the hundredth time tonight. The moon guides your makeshift sparring circle. You hadn’t planned to spar with him; it just happened. Restless, you’d found yourself outside his tent, knocking like a ghost haunting its own grave.

You released his hand abruptly, stepping back at his words. “Let’s go again,” you said, more to yourself than to him.

Without waiting for a reply, you charged, throwing a closed fist at his right side. He dodged it easily, his laughter breaking the tense silence.

“You know, you’re way less terrifying when you’re distracted,” he teased, grinning at the glare you shot him. “Seriously, Y/N? How long are you gonna keep ignoring the boy? The guy’s trying so hard it’s starting to make me feel bad. If it were me, I’d have fumbled already—”

Before he could finish, you grabbed him by the neck, locking him in a chokehold. “I t-tap out! Fuck! You're going to kill me.” he wheezed, coughing as you let him go. He stumbled back, rubbing his neck. “Shit, I forgot how strong your grip is. For real, how are you not a man?” You didn’t respond. Instead, you wiped the sweat from your forehead, glancing at the clock. It was nearing 11 p.m.

“Reject the kid already, will you? Do him a favor so he can move on.” Do-hyun muttered, reaching for his water bottle. “You cold-ass woman.”

“He’s not a kid,” you said finally, your voice low but firm. Grabbing a towel, you wiped the sweat from your face. “He’s almost my age.”

“Sure,” Do-hyun replied, watching you closely as you drank from your water bottle, to the bags under your eyes. “Not sleeping again?”

You shook your head, capping the bottle and tossing it aside. “It’s harder these days.”

“I know,” he said, softer now. “But you’ve gotta try. I need to head out anyway—errands tomorrow. And honestly, I can’t take more knockouts from you. Have mercy.”

“Idiot,” you muttered, smirking despite yourself.

“You’re the idiot for ignoring—” You didn’t let him finish, rolling your eyes as you turned and headed for your tent. A quick shower later, you were lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. The camp quiet, your mind was anything but. Frowning, you closed your eyes, waiting for sleep to come.

It never did.

Beomgyu tossed onto his right side again, the thin mattress beneath him groaning in protest. He lost count of how many times he'd shifted since lying down, each movement more restless than the last.

His chest felt tight, like his heart was pounding against some invisible weight. He sat up, running a hand through his messy hair in frustration. His gaze wandered aimlessly, landing on the small table by his bedside. He froze.

Polaroids.

The universe must be mocking him for missing you this much. Did he really need more reminders?

He inhaled deeply, the sound sharp in the quiet of his tent. Standing abruptly, he began pacing, his feet brushing against the worn canvas floor as a single question churned in his mind: Should I see her? His eyes flicked to the clock—11:28 p.m. Were you even awake?

But then, what difference did it make? Another night of lying there, drowning in this ache, wasn’t an option. He just needed something—your face, your voice, anything.

That’s what he told himself as he stopped pacing, turning toward the small mirror propped against the tent’s corner. His reflection stared back, dishevelled and vulnerable in a way he hadn’t let himself feel in years. He raked his hands through his hair, trying to smooth it out, What the hell are you doing? he thought bitterly. You’re an idol for god’s sake.

But then again, you were… a goddess. And right now, none of the titles, pressure, his previous job or self-doubt mattered. It doesn't matter if you'll kick him out as soon as you see him.

What mattered was seeing you.

He stopped just short of your tent, staring at the outline of it. His breath hitched, and his body betrayed him as he turned away, a cowardly retreat already forming in his mind. But he only made it three steps before he falter, his fists clenching at his sides. No. Not tonight.

He turned back, counting the seconds in his head. He rehearsed the words he’d been forming for days now, words that felt too small for what he really wanted to say but would have to do. This had to count. It had to—

“I can see you out there, you know. What do you want?” The sound of your voice sent a panic through him. You sounded tired, a little annoyed. The shadows must have given him away—his pacing back and forth casting restless shapes against the thin fabric of your tent. “Do-hyun?”

“It’s… Beomgyu,” He countered quickly, the way you said another man’s name at this hour unsettling him more than it should. Silence. He braced himself for rejection, for the possibility that you’d tell him to go, that he's insane to be here at this hour, or that you didn’t want to see him.

But the truth is, your eyes are wide inside. He’s insane. What is he doing here? Why now? You stand up slowly, your fingers brushing the edge of your blanket. You can’t turn him away now. It’s too obvious. “Come in.”

Beomgyu that stood outside your tent, hand unstable when he finally pushed the flap aside. The sudden rush of light revealed you, standing there, your eyes locking onto his. For a minute, he forgot how to breathe. His eyes on your face like he was trying to memorize every line, every shadow. “Hi,” he said, it wasn’t how he had planned to start, but it was all he could manage.

You instinctively stepped behind, folding your arms across your chest as a barrier. “What is it?” You looked away, unable to meet his eyes. They were too much—too deep, too brown.

"Are you mad at me?" Beomgyu's voice wavers, cracking slightly as the words spill out. All those rehearsed lines, the ones he'd turned over in his head a thousand times, crumble into this raw, unpolished question.

"I-I— you’ve been ignoring me, Y/N. Don’t even try to deny it." His voice rises, “I called— I even called you out there twice, and I know you heard me.” He pauses, the lump in his throat refuses to go away. "Did I… do something? Something that made you mad at me?" The words are choked, his voice barely above a whisper now.

His eyes—glassy, rimmed red—look at you—he’s holding back tears; you can tell by the way his lips tremble slightly, the way he bites down hard on the inside of his cheek. But despite it all, he doesn’t look away. He can’t.

Not when he’s missed you this much.

"Beomgyu, whatever you think is between us," you let your arms fall limply to your sides, "it's nothing. This… this is just a mission. Soon, everything will go back to where it belongs." You pause, your words deliberate, heavy. "And we’ll never see each other again."

His eyebrows knit, disbelief etched his face. "Who decides that? Who says that?"

You exhale sharply, the weight of your own words pressing down on your chest. "It’s just how it is. That’s how it’s always been. You should surround yourself with people like you."

"I—" he starts, but you cut him off before he can unravel any further.

"Stop this." Your tone hardens, more defensive than you intend, but it’s the only way to protect yourself. "Don’t talk to me again, Beomgyu. Don’t seek me out. If you’re just… grateful for what happened, fine. I’ll accept that. And if you feel guilty about it?" Your voice cracks slightly, but you push through, "Then maybe… maybe you can pay me back someday. In the future."

Beomgyu’s lips trembled as he fought for his next words, his hands shaking. “Then tell me. Tell me, straight to my face, looking in my eyes, that you didn’t feel anything. That you don’t feel anything for me. That you’ll never like me, no matter what I do. Even if I…” His voice broke, a tear slipping down his cheek. “Even if I die trying.”

Everything you’ve held back finally spill over, and your voice comes out in a shaky whisper. "Dumbass."

“You can’t,” he said softly, eyes tracing the fall of your tears.

“What are—”

"I think I'm in love with you," he says, voice breaking on his confession. "I'm in love with you that I wonder how the hell I lived without you all these years. I’m so glad I met you, did you know that? If I’d known, I’d have counted down the days—even marked my calendar stupidly—just to know you were waiting for me at the end of it. And if I had a choice to go back in time, to stop this apocalypse before it happened, I wouldn’t do a damn thing. Because I’d lose the chance to meet you. Here. As insane as it sounds," His voice shakes, but he pushes on, "I won’t—I won’t force you…. to like me. That’s not what I want. But would it be selfish of me to ask you to stop acting like I'm not here? Like you don’t know me? I can’t…" He hiccups, shoulders shaking. "I just want to be part of your life, Y/N."

His words made you take a step forward, your hands trembling as you cup his tear-streaked face. He flinches at first, but then he melts into your touch, his breathing uneven. “I’m afraid,” you admitted, your voice breaking, freckles on his face evident with his face bare. “I’ll ruin you. I’ll ruin your life. I'm a fucking ruined person. Can’t you see that?”

"I see you more than you see yourself," His hands come up to cover yours, gripping them tightly as though letting go would mean losing you. "You're a fucking angel."

You sobbed at his words. Angel. The word echoed in your head, a word so unfamiliar. How could someone as shattered as you ever be called that? How could Beomgyu see anything but the cracks, the mess? How could someone this real—this kind—exist? Is he even real? A dream? Or is he just a figment of your imagination, conjured up in your darkest moments to give you false hope?

Your tears fall faster, and Beomgyu panics, own heart breaking at the sight of you crying. Gently, he lets go of your hands and slides his up your arms, his touch featherlight—moves slowly, as though afraid he might hurt you, tracing his way to your shoulders, then your neck, until his fingers cradle your face.

“Who would’ve guessed that you’re a crybaby too?” he whispered, his voice uneven but with affection. He steps closer, wrapping you in his arms, pulling your unstable form against his chest. You bury your face in the crook of his neck, your sobs muffled against his warmth.

You feel it—all the longing, all the sleepless nights spent thinking about him. The ache of holding yourself back every time you see him from afar—waiting for you, searching for you. He holds you.

He holds you like you’re the most precious thing in the world. One hand caresses the back of your head, his fingers threading through your hair, while the other keeps you pressed against him. He presses soft, baby kisses to the side of your head, whispering. "Y/N,"

You stepped back slightly from his embrace, but Beomgyu’s hands stayed on your face, his thumbs softly brushing against your skin. He smiled—how could a single expression hold so much, and somehow, make everything hurt a little less? You swallowed the lump in your throat. Maybe, just maybe, you could have this. Even if it was only for tonight.

You rose onto your tiptoes, and leaned in. Closing your eyes, you pressed your lips to his—a fleeting, tentative kiss that barely lasted a second. It was quick, and when you pulled back, you were met with his wide eyes staring down at you, stunned. He hadn’t even had time to close them.

For a moment, neither of you moved. His eyes half-closed, his hands tightened slightly on your face, and before you could say anything, he leaned down, pulling you back in.

This time, he kissed you. He tilted his head just enough to fit against you perfectly, his lips moving against yours with a tenderness that made your knees weak. His grip on your face was firm, his tounge grazing your lips—a soft plea—asking for entrance. You let him in, letting him taste you as you tasted him.

Both of you pull back, breaths heavy. A delicate string of saliva still connects your lips, breaking as Beomgyu takes a step forward more, his eyes locked on yours, "I want you."

You nod, reaching for him, your fingers curling around his arm to pull him back into you. "We have to be quiet."

His hands find your waist, fingers dip beneath the hem of your shirt. He lifts it, the fabric brushing over your skin, exposing the softness and heat of your bare waist to his touch. His palms glide over your skin.

You found yourself on your back, on the softness of your mattress, his weight settled on top of you. Delicate and warm. His hand grasps your thigh and he hoist it up his waist. “Please kiss me.” He murmurs into your mouth.

Your tongue brushes his, and he squeezes your thigh. He returns it, seeking your bottom lip to lightly suck on it. Your hands are up his shirt and he starts tugging down your loose pants. He shakily runs a finger between your legs and you inhale sharply. He rubs you, the feel of you soft, so good. He spreads you apart and gently caresses your clit. And you’re so fucking wet. He can't help but give a light sensual pinch. "Beomgyu," you moan on his lips. Made his heart flutter.

Your breathing is harsher and he looks at your pretty face as he shoves his middle finger in you—touching you is enough for him. He looks at you—wanting to see every expression you make. He’s going to fuck you until you cum all over his dick and then he’ll do it again. Until you don't doubt whatever this is. Until you won't be able to think about leaving him anymore.

He fumbles with your remaining clothes, taking his time as if savouring every second. It’s slower than you expected—partly because he keeps grabbing your face, pulling you into deep, heated kisses that leave you breathless.

Your hands help him get out of his shirt, pulls it over his head—hair falling over his forehead prettily. He leans down and kisses you—hands grab your hair and roam your body, his mouth does the same. Your face, your neck, your shoulder blades. "You're beautiful,"

He kisses down your chest and you run your fingers through his now much longer hair. He licks your nipple and your breath hitched. He bites gently, then bites harder and your back arches—he suckles, then lick. He does it again and again, to your left and right, giving them enough attention. He hears you moan—smirks at your skin—and he keeps wanting to hear it.

He goes down further—kisses down and the smell of you is divine. His face hovers and with his fingers he spreads you apart. He swallows—salivating. He sticks his tongue out, lightly licking your clit. He buries his face in, tongue inside, hands on your hips. "Shit, you taste so sweet, could eat this all day," He groans, lapping up, sucks the arousal out of you. He moves up, nose bumping on your clit then he suckles. His dick is throbbing at the way you taste. Your hands pull his hair, and he feels you down on his chin. He was leaving no parts untouched by his warm mouth.

Going back to you, looking at your face, he bows his head. “Kiss me.”

You pull his head down and kiss him, he slides right in and you cry out. "Fuck, you're so tight," He kisses you while he trusts in and out, your moans muffled on his mouth. "You feel so good," Your nails on his back scrape and he thrusts, hard, and keeps himself all the way in and you squirm under him, feeling you coming close.

"More, gyu." You whine out, legs gripping his warm waist as you pull him closer. He did, trust becoming faster, hitting the spot that made you moan out his name. He repositions himself deeper inside you, pressing you into the mattress, his free hand reaching for your clit, rubs lightly. "M'close," Then you felt it, the warm fuzzy feeling—the rush, almost blinding—the warmth of his arms and the softness of his whispered name on your lips that brought tears to your eyes. His own cum mixing with yours.

He smiled down at you, his lips quirking in a soft, almost shy grin as he took in your fucked-out expression. “I love you,” he whispered. He can't help himself.

The faint sound of running water filled the room as he disappeared for a second, and you assumed he was cleaning himself up. When he returned, his pants sit low on his hips, his chest still bare, and in his hand, he holds a warm, damp cloth.

Your eyes follow him as he approaches, his eyes filled with so much love it made your chest ache. He kneels beside you, his touch was careful as he ran the cloth over your skin, wiping away, cleaning you up. He worked slowly, keeping one of his hand holding your own, focus entirely on you.

When he was done, he looked up at you with that same soft smile, his eyes searching yours. You feel your own lips curve in response, reaching out to touch his flushed cheeks, your fingers brushing against his warm skin. The simple touch makes his smile widen into a boyish grin. His grin burned into the back of your mind. He holds you. He holds your heart too.

I love you too.

The warm rays of the morning sun seeped through the thin walls of the tent, casting a golden glow over the room. Dust motes floated in the light, drifting toward the tangled mess of blankets wrapped around your body.

It was the best sleep you’d had in a long time. You didn’t even remember falling asleep. A yawn slipped past your lips as you stretched your arms, rolling over to the other side.

You weren't alone.

Beomgyu.

He looked so peaceful when he slept, his features soft and unguarded. The sunlight kissed his skin, giving it a honeyed glow, and his hair fell messily over his forehead, looking impossibly touchable. The blanket on his side was pushed low, revealing that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. His pale chest and neck were scattered with faint love bites—marks you had left there. His lips were slightly parted, and he looked so utterly…. serene, it made your chest swell.

You reached out, your fingers gently comb his hair. “Beomgyu,” you murmured softly.

"Hm?" He hummed.

You smiled, and he returned it—his smile lazy, but somehow brighter than the sunlight spilling into the room. “Hi, baby,” he greeted,

"It's morning,"

He groaned lightly, shifting closer to you. “I think… we should stay here,” he mumbled, his voice raspy and slow, as though speaking was too much effort. He moved until he was pressed against you, his head resting on your bare chest as he planted soft, sleepy kisses against your skin.

“I have things to do, you know,” you protested lightly, though you made no move to stop him. Instead, you let your arms encircle him, cradling his head. His hand slid beneath the blanket, settling on the small of your back, familiar against your bare skin.

“Wake up,” you poked his cheek with your finger.

He parted his lips and let out an exaggerated, snore that startled a laugh out of you. “Idiot,” you said, shaking your head, though the fondness in your tone betrayed you. “I’ll give you an hour. After that, Captain Joon is going to start looking for me.”

"Let him look," Beomgyu groaned, burying his face deeper into your chest like a stubborn child. “But why is he always looking for you?”

“Because he’s my captain, you twat,” you replied, pinching his cheeks. “And, oh yeah, he’s my father.”

“What!?” Beomgyu shot up, his eyes now wide open and his sleepiness completely forgotten.

“Well, my adoptive father," Beomgyu’s eyes softened instantly at the word adoptive. He didn’t press, but his silence, the slight tilt of his head, was an invitation to continue if you were ready.

“Yeah, so, uh…” You swallowed hard, your fingers fidgeting slightly. “My parents were both special forces soldiers. When they were on a mission—a spy operation—they… they didn’t make it back. I was five.”Hi hand found yours, his fingers squeezing gently.

“I was sent to an orphanage after that,” you continued, your voice steadier now. "I was there for a few years. Then, when I was ten, Captain Joon showed up out of nowhere. Turns out, he was my dad’s best friend. He adopted me. Took me in like I was his own.”

Beomgyu nodded, his eyes never leaving yours. “How did you end up being a soldier?” he asked softly.

A bittersweet smile tugged at your lips. “I guess it was always in me,” you admitted. “Even as a kid. Captain Joon saw that too. I was… kind of wild. Always getting into trouble at school—detentions, fights. I couldn’t stand bullies, even when they weren’t targeting me. I’d step in, no matter the cost.” You paused, letting out a quiet laugh. “It got worse when I got older. One time, I was walking home, and this group of older boys jumped me. They were bigger, stronger… I didn’t stand a chance. Captain Joon saw what happened, and after that, he decided to put me somewhere I couldn’t get hurt like that anymore. He took me with him—in a military camp.”

Your fingers brushed the hem of the blanket, your voice growing quieter. “I officially became a soldier when I was seventeen. Got into the Black Berets a year later.”

Beomgyu traced the line of your jaw with his fingers, his gentle touch made the words come easier.

“The time you asked me how old I was when I started…” You hesitated, but his intertwined hands with yours encouraged you to continue. “I got rude because… that question was asked of me once before. By someone. He was bitten by the infected, and I—” Your voice cracked, “I ended up killing him.”

You couldn’t meet his eyes, couldn’t bear the thought of seeing judgment—or worse, pity—staring back at you, but Beomgyu didn’t let you hide. His hands cupped your face, tilting it up until your eyes met his.

“Thank you for telling me,” he said, “He’s not suffering anymore.”

Your eyes shimmered with unshed tears as you nodded. He wrapped his arms around you, guiding your head to rest against his chest. No words were spoken. For minutes, you stayed like that, listening to the thump of his heart against yours, a language of its own.

"I should probably be more careful around Captain Joon,” Beomgyu said out of nowhere, trying to lighten the mood.

You laughed, arms around you holding you closer. When he noticed you staring at him, he tilted his head slightly, his expression playful. “What? Too handsome?”

“Pfft,” you snorted. “Androgynous.” He whined dramatically, leaning in to pepper your face with kisses. You tried to push him away, laughing as he chased your retreating lips.

“Who would’ve thought,” he murmured, “that I’d fall in love with the prettiest girl at the end of the world?”

The words brought heat to your cheeks, and you turned your face away to hide the blush. “Okay, that’s enough,” you said, slipping out of his hold and reaching for the first shirt you could find—it was his.

He sat up too, watching you pull his shirt over your body. The hem brushed your thighs, and he couldn’t help but smile at the sight. He gathers your hair that had gotten caught under the shirt, his fingers brushing against your neck. "I need to shower, Beomgyu."

"Can I join you? You know, to save water," He immediately quips. You smirk, your eyes meeting his before you give him a subtle nod. That tiny gesture is all it takes for his heart to race, he’s sure you can hear it.

In fact, there was barely any washing done.

Beomgyu finally steps out of your tent, though it took more convincing from you than it probably should have.

You’re still inside, safe from the prying eyes. The sun is higher now, casting everything in a harsh light. He squints, adjusting to the brightness, and immediately spots a few soldiers milling about nearby.

His stomach drops. If any of them so much as glance his way, they’ll know exactly where he just came from. Your tent. The only woman’s tent in a unit of 25 soldiers.

He keeps his head down, heat creeping up his neck and to his ears as he feels the unseen stares. The scenario playing out like an idol dating scandal—and dispatch is about to break the story of his life.

Choi Beomgyu, caught sneaking out of her tent at sunrise, he imagines the headline, biting back a groan. He quickens his pace, muttering to himself, "I’m so dead."

"Hold up."

A firm hand clamped down on Beomgyu's shoulder, halting his little walk of shame. His eyes widened as he turned, meeting the sharp gaze of Do-hyun. The older soldier’s eyes flicked back toward your tent—just six steps behind him—then back to Beomgyu’s freshly washed hair.

"And here I was, starting to feel sorry for you," Do-hyun said with a smirk. Beomgyu barely had time to stammer out a response before the tent flap rustled, and you stepped out.

"Do-hyun," Beomgyu glanced at you briefly, but you didn't meet his eyes, locked on Do-hyun instead. "Let’s go, yeah?" you asked, a pointed glare following the words.

Do-hyun chuckled, lifting his hands in mock surrender as he stepped back, releasing Beomgyu. "Sure, sure," he said, his smirk softening into something less smug.

The two of you walked off, leaving Beomgyu standing there, you glance back at him, catching a glimpse of his warm, flustered expression. Do-hyun caught it, muttering, "You’ve got him wrapped around your… finger,"

You didn’t even break stride, your foot shot out, connecting with his shin. Do-hyun yelped, doubling over, he clutched his leg. "Ow! Damn it, I was kidding!"

Beomgyu finally exhales when his tent comes into view, relief flooding his chest. He thought he was in the clear—until he steps inside and sees his three brothers waiting for him.

"Where the fuck were you?" Beomgyu knows he’s not getting out of this easily. This is going to be a long talk.

Beomgyu tells them. Everything. He leaves out the more private details—of course, he does. Some things are just for him to know. He starts from the beginning, telling them, that he just… fell in love with you.

The room goes quiet for a beat before Soobin steps forward, wrapping him in a hug, his voice soft. "Our little Beomgyu’s growing up," he says, sniffing dramatically.

Taehyun follows with a few firms pats on Beomgyu’s back, his smile warm. Yeonjun, leaning casually against the tent post, grins and shakes his head. "You lucky bastard," he teases, but there’s nothing but happiness in his voice.

The four of them embrace, there's a gap in their circle—a place reserved for someone who isn’t there yet but will be soon.

The day passed with a warmth in your chest, fueled by stealing stares and fleeting touches from Beomgyu.

Lunch was a lively affair, shared with Do-hyun, Eun-woo, Beom-seok, Yeonjun, Soobin, and Taehyun. The meal was filled with teasing banter, laughter cutting through the usual hum of camp life. Eun-woo’s soft pats on Beomgyu’s back and Beom-seok’s subtle nods didn’t go unnoticed—they were quiet acknowledgments.

Now, you walk toward the largest tent with your three teammates by your side. Beomgyu’s heated kiss still burns on your lips, the warmth of it fresh, even though it happened only an hour ago. — Captain Joon has called an unexpected night meeting, one that made Beomgyu pout as he agrees to wait at your tent.

The four of you step inside and salute, standing at attention until the captain’s familiar command: "Sit down."

The scene is one you’ve known many times before. Yet, there are absences that can't be ignored. Ji-ho, reporting in via radio, assures that he’ll be here soon with Huening Kai. — And Seo-jun.

“A brand-new mission for us,” Captain Joon announces, his eyes with a glimmer of hope rarely seen these days. “Word is there’s a doctor working on the possibility of a cure. And since Jeonju camp is the most stable for now, he’ll need assistance. This is the most critical priority, and we’ll be the ones handling it.”

Murmurs ripple through the group, surprised with cautious optimism. A cure—it sounds almost too good to be true. You let out a slow breath of relief, the faintest ember of hope flickering in your chest. Maybe, just maybe, humanity has a chance this time.

“We’re leaving in a few,” Captain Joon continues, his voice firm. “No time to waste.”

When you reach your tent, Beomgyu is already seated, and waiting. The moment he sees you, he stands, and you stride toward him without wasting any second, pressing your lips to his in a kiss he immediately melts into, “Are you okay?” he asks softly when you pull away, hands finding your waist.

“Hmm.” You nod, leaning into his embrace, arms wrapping around him. He presses a kiss to the top of your head. “We’re leaving now. Mission came in.”

Beomgyu stiffens. “Right now?"

“Yes.”

“O-okay.” His voice falters, and he swallows hard.

“It might take a while,” you admit, your hands sliding up to cup his face as you look into his wide, searching eyes. “It’s pretty far out, and I—”

“Come back to me safely,” he interrupts, his hands cradle your face. His thumbs gently brush your cheeks. “You don’t have a choice.”

A small smile tugs at your lips. You nod, "I promise.” Reaching up, you unclasp your dog tag, holding it carefully in your hands before slipping it around his neck. His eyes never leave yours, he watches you secure the chain.

“I’ll see you soon,”

He holds you.

It’s been two days since you left, and Beomgyu sits at the table, pushing his food around more than eating it. His mind keeps drifting back to you. The weight of your necklace around his neck is comforting—but it reminds him you’re not here. He sighs.

“There's a car coming!” someone shouts from the outer courtyard. Beomgyu’s head snaps up, his heart skipping a beat. He’s out of his chair in an instant, sprinting toward the commotion, the rest of his members right on his heels. His breath comes fast, uneven, as he skids to a stop outside. His eyes widen, and for the first time in days, relief crashes over him.

“KAI!”

The four of them swarm the youngest member, nearly knocking him off his feet in their excitement. Kai’s laughter echoes through the courtyard as Soobin immediately bursts into tears, clinging to him like a lifeline. Beomgyu hugs him tightly, burying his face in his shoulder, while Yeonjun ruffles his hair affectionately. Taehyun, ever practical, starts inspecting Kai’s arms and legs for injuries.

Everything feels right. They’re together, whole. Now, he just needs you to get back here.

They fussed over Kai like he was the most fragile thing in the world, each of them trying to make up for lost time. Kai explained what happened—they had been trapped, which was why it took weeks to get here. But Ji-ho, just as you’d assured them before, had been capable. He’d taken care of Kai and somehow managed to get him back to them safely.

Later that night, Beomgyu was shuffling on his bed while Kai lounged comfortably nearby. It wasn’t long before the others would join them; Kai had pleaded for a sleepover with his brothers, saying he missed them too much to sleep alone. Of course, none of them could resist.

“Woah.” Kai says, and Beomgyu turned, pillow in hand, to see what had caught his attention. The younger was staring at the two Polaroids on Beomgyu’s bedside table, face lit with curiosity. “Is this real?”

“What, you think I Photoshopped them or something?” Beomgyu laughed, a little sheepishly. He paused, before adding, “I took those with her… on the way here.”

Kai’s eyes flicked back to him, curious. “You’re together?”

“Yeah.” Beomgyu’s lips tugged into a shy smile. “She’s my girlfriend now.”

Kai’s grin was blinding, his low ponytail framed his face as he leaned closer to get another look at the photos. “She’s pretty. I’m really happy for you, Beomgyu.”

You step through the gates of Jeonju camp, your body aching. It’s been a month since you last saw this place—since you last saw him.

Your clothes are filthy, smeared with dirt and the blood of infected, but none of that matters now. The Doctor is alive, the cure is nearly complete, and your mission is done. You made it.

And then you see him.

Beomgyu is already running toward you, his eyes wide and filled with something that looks like disbelief, like awe, love. You can’t stop the smile that breaks across your face, even as your legs wobble beneath you. You start running too, stumbling at first, but your body pushes through the pain, the rest of the world blurring into nothing.

When you reach him, he doesn’t hesitate. His arms wrap around you tightly, lifting you off the ground. He holds you close. You cling to him, shaking from exhaustion and adrenaline and the overwhelming relief of being home—of being with him.

Everyone stops to watch. In a world so cruel, so damned, there’s something warm in the way two lovers find each other again.

A reminder to believe there’s still something worth fighting for.

"See you soon, and take care of yourself," Soobin leans in and presses a gentle kiss to your forehead. You nod, offering a small smile. "You too."

His lips curve into that familiar, reassuring smile as he hoists his backpack over his shoulder. "Y/N, stay safe," Taehyun says, stepping in to wrap you in a firm hug. You nod on his shoulders.

"Let’s have ramyeon soon, yeah?" Yeonjun chimes in, his usual playful grin lighting up his face. Without waiting for a reply, he grabs your face in his hands and plants a kiss on your forehead, mirroring Soobin. "I’ll cook for you," he adds confidently, pulling back but keeping his hands on your cheeks.

You can’t help but laugh, rolling your eyes. "Okay, Mr. Married to Ramyeon." He laughs too, giving your cheeks a playful pat before turning to follow Soobin and Taehyun onto the bus.

For a moment, you just stand there, watching the three of them board.

You turn to see Kai looking down at you, his expression shy. He pulls you into a hug, his arms wrapping around you with surprising strength. "I’ll miss you," he sings softly.

It’s been three months since the doctor arrived at Jeonju camp with you. A month later he was in, and the cure was complete. Those who received the shot stopped being targeted by the infected—it was as if the vaccine turned them invisible. No more running, no more hiding.

After countless tests and trial runs, the results were undeniable: 100% effective. The world is still far from healed. There’s so much to rebuild, so much left to do. But this vaccine—it’s a start.

And now, Hybe is taking them back. Back to the world they belong to. Back to the life they’d almost forgotten was possible.

A warm hand slips into yours, and you glance up to meet Beomgyu’s glassy stare. Your eyes flicker to his neck—your dog tags still hang there, glinting in the light. He holds your hands and lifts them to his lips, pressing a warm kiss to your palms without breaking eye contact.

“I promise to come back to you as soon as I can, okay?” he whispers, "I promise."

You know the truth. You’ll never see him again. This is it.

You already have your orders—a mission overseas to distribute the cure, to spread it where it’s needed most. You don’t know when you’ll be back. Or if you’ll be back. The world finally has a chance, but your worlds were never meant to stay intertwined.

“Okay,” you say softly, forcing a small smile onto your lips. You’ll never wake up to the sound of his soft breaths against your skin again. You’ll never walk through the Daegu home he often described with so much warmth, never see the place where his happiest memories were made. A place he wants to go with you.

He’s an idol—a star shining too brightly for someone like you. A celebrity adored by millions. And you’re a soldier, bound by duty to serve your country. He deserves someone gentle, maybe an idol like him, or someone who fits seamlessly into his world. Someone who isn’t constantly called away to fight battles in far-off places.

It made you happy while it lasted.

This dream—this borrowed time you had.

“I love you,” he says suddenly,, and then he’s kissing you. Once, twice—then a third time, slower. He kisses the tip of your nose, and you smile through the tears that blur your vision. You stare at him, taking in everything—the curve of his lips, the softness in his eyes, the way his hair falls... across his forehead. You try to commit it all to memory. “I love you so much,” he says, voice trembling as he cups your face.

“I love you too,”

YEAR 2030

You find yourself in the kitchen, humming softly as the news plays in the background. The aroma of spices and fresh herbs fills the space. You chop vegetables for tonight’s dinner, the rhythm of the task bringing you peace. You always find yourself great with knives, you suppose.

A smile spreads across your face as you feel it—a pair of hands, warm, gently caressing your stomach. A body presses against your back, and a soft breath grazes the curve of your neck. The scent of him surrounds you, and you don’t need to turn around to know who it is.

When you do turn, you’re met with his smile—the one that lights up his entire face, even as exhaustion lingers in his eyes. He looks like he just got home, probably rushing straight from practice, his hair still slightly damp from the shower. Without a word, he drops to one knee, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his cheek against your growing belly.

“I missed the both of you,” he whispers, voice soft and full of love.

You laugh, your hand moving to his hair, your fingers combing through the soft freshly bleached blonde strands. “I don’t think they can hear you yet, Gyu,” you tease gently, your smile tender. “I’m only five months along.”

He tilts his head up to look at you, his lips forming a playful pout that makes you giggle like you’re both still teenagers. Standing, he cups your face with both hands, thumbs brushing your cheeks, wedding band catches the light, whispering of the life you’ve built together. The life you thought was impossible. But he made it—he made it possible.

If he wanted to—he would.

“I don’t care,” he says softly, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead. Then your nose. And finally, your lips. His scent, his warmth, the way his heart beats against yours—he's home.

He holds you.

The only sound is the exchanged kisses and the faint murmur of the news on the television.

Following the record-breaking success of TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s latest comeback, member Beomgyu has surprised fans worldwide by releasing his first solo album, The Last Safe Place. The album, deeply supported by MOAs, has already sparked widespread buzz—not only for its musical brilliance but also for the heartfelt inspiration behind it: Beomgyu’s recent marriage.

“This album is a love letter, a reflection of the most meaningful chapter in my life,” Beomgyu shared. “It’s inspired by the warmth, comfort, and love I’ve found in my marriage. I wanted to capture the feeling of having someone to come home to—a place where your heart feels at peace, no matter what chaos the world throws at you.”

THE END.

[my-plot-thots]

A lot of people, when they describe Sephiroth in stories or such, portray him as being very minimalistic and having a close to empty apartment with basic necessities and not much else. Which is a very valid portrayal of his character. He does seem the type not probably even get to spend much time in his rooms with his work, and while he may get payed well, he doesn’t seem the type to be able to spend it with how busy he is. However, hear me out…

What if Sephiroth was a secret train enthusiast or something like it.

I have read so many fic (more than I’m comfortable with) where someone comes into Sephiroth’s private rooms and they are shocked that he doesn’t have much in there. What he does have is sturdy and chosen out of functionality over style and expense, probably the exact opposite of how Genesis would keep his rooms. However, for the reasons I have mentioned above, with how busy he is, etc., I think him being minimalistic and probably less than lived in would be the least surprising thing if I walked into his rooms. However, considering he is getting paid by Shinra, who have somewhat controlled his life from a very young age, I imagine, out of spite, he would make sure to use his money. Find something unrelated to soldier just to annoy anyone who does room checks on him.

Just picture, you’re about to walk into your idol’s rooms. He is in his twenties, but so mature and has accomplished so much before even being a legal citizen and he is so dauntingly together and with it… and then you walk into his rooms and there is a wall of vintage stamps. Another wall covered in signed posters of Wutian pop stars. Several display cases of figurines from multiple games and shows that he probably never had the time to watch. A book shelf of binders filled with trading cards and game cards. Another display case of rocks. Snow globes of every town he has visited.

If asked about these items, he would probably admit that he did research on typical behaviors of people around his age to promote good mental health and connect to others more easily. He was informed that it was healthy to pick up a hobby to promote good work life balance and have topics of conversation when approaching others. However, due to him working so much, he decided he would need to buy more hobbies to balance it better.

Despite the fact some hobbies are better researched than others and seem to spark more joy than some, he clearly still loves looking at them all and imagining that he is normal. Probably imagining the day he may be able to approach someone about one of the many hobbies he collects that they show an interest in and how they will become instant best friends. Secretly imagining the life he may have had if he had been born normal and been able to explore all of these subjects on his own and had free time to do so.

Idk. I was bored and this popped into my head.

[justchillandshipit]

Parents in the 911 Universe

The 'unfamiliar' situation Chris sees Eddie in is: Eddie trying to do home repairs without Buck. lol Kidding. I have no idea what is going to play out.

___

I love Ryan Guzman and I'm hoping to see his POV on bold display over these next few episodes, but I'm not looking forward to seeing Helena treating Eddie like crap only to be forgiven by the next episode without even apologizing. I'm low-key dreading the episode and thinking about skipping it until I see what fandom says about it.

I adore a lot of Tim Minear's work. I really do, but the way he handles these parenting relationships is so out of touch. Some people are so toxic toward their children that they should be in jail. The way every single parent gets a free pass and forgiveness within one or two episodes is unreal. (The only exception being Eddie apparently, and quite frankly, he shouldn't be lumped in with the bad parents in the first place. I'll get to that later.)

Let's look at Chim. Lord, Chim's father didn't even apologize. His second wife tried to explain his actions and excuse his behavior, while Chim's brother tried to guilt-trip Chim into thinking he is a bad parent for not letting his daughter get to know the man who ignored him for "how many years?" I haven't liked Albert since that episode. It totally ruined his character for me.

Both sets of my grandparents died before I was born. It didn't ruin me not to know them. It would have been a nice bonus if they were good to my parents growing up, but if they misused or abused my parents in any way, I wouldn't want them to babysit me, nor would I want to witness them degrade and humiliate my parents.

Don't even get me started on the mental abuse that Buck went through. I hate it for you Mr. Minear. Neglect is abuse, and grief over one child does not excuse what you do to the living children. I'll never get over them giving Maddie that baby box in front of Buck, knowing they never even attempted to make one for him. (The crazy part is that there was so much potential Buck backstory that could be tied to this neglect. Starting with Buck being unable to realize that his attraction to men was not something a heterosexual man would feel. He would also stand a better chance of realizing that the way he is feeling toward Eddie is not only friendship.)

For a moment, I thought Eddie's Dad might be okay, but he used the history he had with Eddie to manipulate Eddie into giving up Chris. (And no, I don't consider what happened with Kim in the same league. Eddie was honest with Kim and ended things with her. She was bat$#it crazy for dying her hair and showing up at his house uninvited.) Until the day I die, I will not forget the way Helena Diaz smiled as she walked out of Eddie's house with Chris, nor will I ever forget the way she was in such a hurry to leave that she told Eddie if they forgot something he could ship it or they would buy Chris something new.) Buck was the only one expressing concern for what Eddie was doing. [side note: I've never been onboard with Chris moving to TX. Spending the summer there and getting some distance after a huge upset would have been a compromise that worked. However, I truly believed that the whole point Minear had was to deconstruct Eddie and show us who he really is regarding his sexuality. For this reason, I've tried to put my faith in him. Yet here we are. All this time without Chris, and all of 8A could possibly be connected to a larger sexuality story arc, or it could not. (If anything, the Shannon story has two textual canon storylines. In one, she is the love of Eddie's life. The woman he hasn't been able to get over for the entire show. Every season just adds more and more to this part of the story. On the other hand, Eddie has had conversations with others about how he was young and only married Shannon because she was pregnant, they were pressured, & she made him feel normal. I want a definitive answer for what's happening here. For Gay Eddie, both of these things can't be true. For bi-Eddie it could be true. If Eddie is something else on the LGBTQ spectrum, it could be true.)

From 8A, I don't see anything definitive that says he has been deconstructed. The general audience sure wouldn't see it. A priest told him once to allow joy, and he danced in his underwear. (While entertaining, and in other ways, these were great moments and good episodes. It ultimately didn't help the general audience, and these could have happened with Chris still in town, but perhaps not at home for the dancing part.)

8B, on the other hand, has been really great for giving some of Eddie's POV. We have desperately needed that. I'm hoping it will continue. I think the general audience has finally been given something to see since they ignore the subtext. I think that is great. Kudos. Yet for all of this, I still think it could have been done without removing Chris. So my hope, at this point, is that in the next few episodes, Minear will deliver on why it was necessary to move Chris to TX. I already know he is not going to deliver on a satisfying parental ending with Eddie and his parents, so I want to see where removing Chris was worth it.

Anyway, I got a little sidetracked there. Back to parents. The only parent that I've seen earn forgiveness is Hen's Mom, who acknowledged that the blame fell at her feet, apologized for all the hurt and harm she caused, and then demonstrated and worked to prove that she loved her daughter and wanted to be a part of her life.

[idontmindifuforgetme]

lived my whole life in guilt bc i thought i was responsible for people's feelings. newly realizing that other people are responsible for their feelings and reactions, even if they make it seem like i'm the problem. a lot of the time it really has to do w them and their own emotional regulation. i can't keep thinking i'm not allowed to have space bc of other people's insecurities. like i literally refuse to dim myself. other people are responsible for their feelings just as i'm responsible for mine.