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pretend-writer · 4 years ago

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Teenagers: Part 2 (Hargreeves x sibling!reader)

Summary: Y/N tries to convince her siblings to sneak out of the mansion and go out to party with her for the night.

Pairing: Hargreeves x sibling!reader

Title Reference: Teenagers x My Chemical Romance

Word Count: 2.3k words

Warning: swearing, mention of drugs and alcohol, partying/clubbing, mention of sex

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'So where are these so-called friends that you have, Y/N?' Five asked impatiently, bothering me for the last five minutes.

'Shut up, they're coming. We just got here like two minutes ago.'

Allison smiled, 'Someone is eager to go in.'

Five glared at her, shaking his head. 'Ha, you're funny. I'm just tired of wai-'

'They're here!' I waved at my friends and ran to them, hugging them and greeting them. Getting the wristbands that they've promised me, I got back to my family and gave them one of each.

'How's Five going to get in?' Luther asked, but by the time we looked over at our not so younger brother, he was gone.

Assuming Five just zapped himself into the club, we lined up and got ourselves into the building.

Smiles formed on everyone's face, making me smile even more. I was happy that everyone was excited, my siblings deserved happiness and more.

Klaus clapped, 'I'm starting to sober up and that's a big fat no. Drinks on me, who wants some?'

Ben and Klaus went to the back towards the bar, buying everyone rounds of drinks to bring back. While the rest of us stayed, still no sign of Five, I looked at them and smiled.

'What's with the goofy smile?' Diego asked, I rolled my eyes and hit him. 'What? You're really happy tonight.'

'Of course I am, dummy. I'm out with you guys, what's not to be smiling about?' I pulled on his arm, 'Come on. Let's go to the dance floor.'

'Ha, I'm not dancing. Take others with you instead.'

'Luther is busy with those girls that's surrounding him, Allison and Vanya has been gone and you're the only one looking like a lost, sad puppy.'

'You don't think Luther needs our help?'

I looked over at him and laughed, 'He seems like he's enjoying the attention he's getting from them. He'll be alright. Now let's go.'

Diego rolled his eyes, 'I'll just watch.'

'Don't be a butt, come on.' I pulled on him again, this time he walked with me as he groaned.

We walked down to the dance floor, shoving ourselves through the sweaty crowd as we found Allison, Vanya and Five squeezed together.

'Exactly why is this fun?' Five said as he was sandwiched between two giant guys that were jumping up and down.

Allison turned around, dancing to the music the DJ was playing. 'Get drunk, dance your stress away. We're out the freaking house, Five.'

'Huh?' Five shouted, not being able to hear what Allison had said to him. She ignored him and continued to dance as she grabbed Vanya's hands.

I started to dance with my sisters, singing along and jumping up and down. Diego and Five just stood awkwardly, watching us drunk girls dancing.

'Excuse me, sorry. Ah, my fault.' Ben screamed from behind as he came with three drinks in his hand, followed by Klaus who was sipping from one of the cups.

Klaus handed us our drinks, 'Damn. It took us forever to look for you guys. I saw Luther's big ass but he's with those girls.'

'Our boy is busy.' I grinned as I pulled the straw into my mouth, sipping on my drink to get myself more drunk.

Five started groaning, I looked to see two girls talking to him and wondering how he ended up here. 'Aw, little kid are you lost? Poor thing.'

'No, I'm with them.' He replied angrily, arms crossed as he scooted himself towards Ben.

'Ah, you brought a boy to a club? What is wrong with you guys!' The girl said, given how bad it looked I never consider how it'll look from other perspective.

'Wait, no. It's- let me explain!' Ben stumbled with words, stuttering as he tried to reason with them. 'He- he's just a really really late bloomer. We're all actually in our 20s okay.'

'I'm just stuck in this body as an adult. Don't lie to them!' Five tried to defend himself, although it wouldn't really help with the confusing situation.

Klaus frowned and leaned towards the girls. 'Yeah, he's in denial. Very sensitive subject that we like to avoid.'

The girls nodded, awed as they were sympathize of our "situation" that we'd explained to them. 'So sorry, you guys have fun.'

'I hate you guys.' Five mumbled, snatching the cup from Allison's hand and drinking from it.

'Hey, I wasn't fini-'

'Y/N, this is the best night ever!' Luther came into the dance floor, cheerful as ever. 'Thank you for bringing me here because this is amazing.'

Diego chuckled, 'Of course. You were practically having a foursome with those girls over there.'

'You're just jealous.' Luther stuck his tongue out like a seven year old boy. Klaus, Ben and I laughed hysterically; it was even funnier because we were drunk, and Luther, our "daddy's boy" brother was enjoying sneaking out of the mansion.

'One of my friends are single, if you want me to set you-'

'Y/N, drop it.' Diego turned away, 'I need to take a leak. You guys better stay here.'

As Diego walked away with Five to the bathroom, we continued to dance and drink. Vanya was giggling, swaying back and forth as Ben and Allison had a dance-off seeing who can bring out the best moves. Klaus and I were downing the rest of our drinks, practically singing our face off as the DJ played such good music.

'Ah, we need more drin-' Klaus paused mid-sentence, looking back and forth between me and the stage. 'So you are whoring around, you whore.'

'Don't know what you're talking about.' I denied, not understand how Klaus came to this conclusion. 'I don't get it.'

He hit me on my side, 'Don't play dumb with me! I see you and that DJ eye humping each other.'

He wasn't making things up when he had said that; I did have my eyes on the DJ. 'We are not eye humping each other. He doesn't even know me.'

'Well, he knows you now because he's staring at you and I swear your clothes will burn off soon because he won't stop.' Ben chuckled, guessing that he noticed it as well.

'You're crazy.' I didn't think he noticed me at all, I mean he was the DJ. He was overlooking everyone on the dance floor, it'd be dumb to assume he had his eyes on me.

Allison joined in on the conversation, 'I noticed that too! I thought you guys fucked before or something.'

'No! What do you guys think I am?'

'A girl with needs.' Klaus smiled.

'Just because I sneak out does not mean I'm going around sleeping with random people.'

Vanya laughed, 'Okay well, you can with him. There he goes, looking at you. Don't look.'

'You guys lost your minds.'

'Says the girl that sneaks behind dad and her siblings.' Luther joked.

'Okay, Luther don't get me started with you and those girls.'

Luther grunted, 'Ugh. I-'

'Hey, big fella over there.' The DJ got on the mic as he pointed at Luther. 'Why don't you come on the stage, get the crowd going!'

'Go, go!' Ben and Klaus shoved Luther towards the stage, even with him being hesitant and shy. 'Go show what the Hargreeves are all about!'

'I-I can't!' Luther hesitated, planted on the floor even when all of us tried to encourage him to go up there.

The DJ smiled at Luther, then looked at me. 'Dude, bring your friends up here too. We're going to turn this dance floor around for a bit.'

'Come on, he's calling for you!' Allison cheered as she pulled me and Klaus' hand, running up the stage.

Luther, Ben and Vanya trailed from behind, standing next to us while we danced to the DJ's new song he was playing.

Pulling Luther towards me, I gave him the last few sips I had in my cup before I threw it away. 'Here, you are probably starting to sober up. You need more.'

'Ah, Y/N. What makes you think I'm not drunk right now?'

'Because I remember when you were the night-'

'Okay, okay. You and Klaus never let that night go.'

The DJ leaned in as he kept playing music, 'Hey. If you and your boyfriend want more drinks, it's on the house.'

'Ha, she's not my girlfriend.' Luther chuckled.

'Ah, I stand corrected.' The DJ then turned to me and smiled sweetly. 'Would you mind if I buy you a drink?'

I couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or him, but I felt my cheeks getting warmer as the cute guy spoke to me. 'No, I wouldn't mind.'

The DJ bit his lip, taking his headphones off and walking downstairs. 'Alright, I'll be right back.'

Allison tapped on my sides repeatedly as he walked away. 'You lucky! He's so cute.'

'Maybe he has a brother. I call dibs though.' Klaus stared at him, eyeing him as he went up to the bar to get some drinks.

While Allison and Vanya continued to dance on the stage, Luther was once again being surrounded by a bunch of girls from the dance floor.

'Y/N is scoring some tonight and Luther is getting all these attention again.' Klaus shrugged his shoulders, looking around. 'What in the hell did Luther do to have these girls crawling around like crazy?'

'Wait, wait. Scoring some? I barely said a word to this dude.'

'Whatever, man. I need to go back down and look for someone now.'

Ben chuckled, patting Klaus on his shoulder. 'I got your back, bro. Come on I'll be your wingman.'

As soon as Klaus heard those words come out of Ben's mouth, they both left the stage so quick I couldn't even speak to them back. Trailing them down the dance floor, I see the DJ coming back on stage with drinks in his hands.

'Here you go, I didn't know which drinks you like so I hope you like this one.' He was sweet, it could've been an act to try to talk to me but I didn't mind for one night. 'I'm Luke by the way.'

'Y/N. And this is perfect, thank you.' I gave him a flirty smile but then was interrupted when I saw something in the corner of my eye.

I looked through the crowd and saw Diego and Five, glaring at me and my siblings that were on the stage. They seemed like how Reginald would react in this situation; catching his children sneaking out at night and hanging out at a club.

Except it wasn't dad, it was my weird brothers that couldn't grasp what fun was. Watching us as if they were disappointed fathers that just saw their crazy teenager kids discovering drinking and partying for the first time.

'Oops.' It came out of my mouth naturally as I stared at Diego and Five, followed by a giggle that I couldn't help. It was funny watching them being weirdly upset with us, especially when it felt like the club was spinning round and round.

'You guys are screwed.' Five mouthed back, shaking his head as he watched us from down the dance floor.

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My eyes shot open, not knowing where I was at for a moment until I realized I was in my room. I then see Diego sitting on my bed side chair, watching me as if he was guarding me.

'Rise and shine, zombie.' Diego chuckled, seeing how crazy I looked with messed up makeup and a bed head.

'Ho-how did I get here last night.' I turned around and looked around, noticed that the cute DJ guy wasn't in my bed. 'I don't remember anything.'

Diego grinned, 'You're curious huh.'

'Where is Luke-Oh no... Did I do something stupid?' I was confused, so confused because I thought everything was going good last night. But now that I didn't remember anything after I said hi to him, I got scared. 'Oh my- Did I do something embarrassing? Fuck.'

'Well, I don't know what you define "embarrassing" but yeah. You definitely made the crowd go wild last night.' Diego started laughing, his loud voice ringing in my ear from my hangover.

Covering my ears, I shook my head. 'Diego... shh. My head hurts okay.'

'This is why I don't drink.'

I shook my head, 'Is everyone back safely?'

'Oh, don't even worry about everyone else, they're perfectly fine. It was you that we had a hard time bringing home, Y/N.'

'So can you tell me what happened?'

'Sure, after you acknowledge that I'm the best brother ever.' Diego raised his eyebrows, adjusting his positioning on the chair.

A light laugh just escaped my mouth, keeping my mouth closed so I wouldn't start burst out laughing. 'You're kidding me right? Really?'

'Yes really. I had to carry you home, tuck you into bed after you kicked and screamed, help you get up so you can throw up. I didn't even know humans were physically able to throw up so much.'

When Diego put it like that, I felt bad that he had to take care of me throughout the night. 'Okay Diego, you're the best brother in the world. Also I'm sorry you had to do all that for me.'

'Aha, no worries. That was probably the most entertaining night ever.' He laughed, 'You were fucking crazy.'

I smiled, I bet Diego really enjoyed me making a fool of myself or whatever I did last night that got him giggling nonstop. 'So are you going to tell me?'

'Hmm, nope. Thanks for the compliment though.'

'Ugh, I hate you.'

'Not according to yesterday you don't.' Diego smirked.

#luther hargreeves x reader #diego hargreeves x reader #allison hargreeves xreader #klaus hargreeves x reader #five hargreeves x reader #ben hargreeves x reader #vanya hargreeves x reader #tua oneshot #the umbrella academy fic #the umbrella academy oneshot #hargreeves x sibling!reader

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nestasgalpal · 3 years ago

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The ball is in his court

Fixing ACOSF Part 8

Masterlist | AO3

Summary: Cassian knows Nesta is supposed to dance with Eris and lure him into a stronger alliance with the Night Court. He knows he's been forbidden from getting close to her during the whole event. He knows she loves to dance. He knows he wants to be the one swinging with her.

A/N: angst because Cassian got very little character development in the book for someone who had that much family drama to deal with. It's not that big of a change as other chapters, but I thought it made sense to add this here with how these three acted in the ball.

Tagging: @gwynriel @zoyaslai @clolikescloquetas @amelievrstr @t8astr8ng @wanderlustlastsforever @saltydreamcollector @lordlorcan @esrahiba @queenestarcheron @jemstan300 @nessiantrashh @azrielsgirl @poisonus-bloom @loveadora @frosted-crackers @mireillemystique @pataytayo @968sunflower968 @caram267 @jainadurron @darkshadowqueensrule @amphiptree @finae-bookshelf @niytavia @brainlessfruit @dontgetsalmonella @messyhairday-me @sunsummoner @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @wannawriteyouabook @psychoticminx @misswonderflower @drielecarla @silvernesta @k0ombayamylord @nina-zcnik @arinbelle

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list in the upcoming chapters!!

Cassian stood firmly on his feet as he made Mor spin once again. The House was playing music for them, and in some strange way, he felt it getting annoyed at how many times he had demanded to go- "Again". The waltz had just finished, and he was already positioning himself to start all over.

"Cass, you already know the moves, you've been dancing these for centuries" she laughed it off "I honestly don't think you need any more practice for tomorrow."

"Again" he insisted.

With a sigh, his friend went back to first position, seven feet away from him. The sound the House played for them was more like a trumpet with a shoe stuck in it than the beautiful harmonies they had been practicing with.

"Please, I want to make sure I get it right before we leave for the ball" Cassian gave her his best pout face, which made Mor roll her eyes.

"You are not going to dance with her, Cass. You got clear instructions from Rhys about that. I don't even know why I'm helping you with this, we both heard you are not allowed near her." The House probably felt like Mor was doing a good enough job at remprimanding him for his stubbornnes, because the melody of the waltz started playing again, and they moved to the sound of it. "Gods, you two are already making this way harder than it needs to be with your non-stop fucking" Cassian laughed, but Mor was not in the mood for joking, "This is serious. I heard Rhys complain about how long it took to hide your scent on her." With their palms in the air almost touching, they turned and gave two steps back "Behave." she reminded him of what his role was tomorrow night, and how important it was that he didn't ruin Nesta's mission by approaching her at all.

Cassian smiled again. "I'll try my best".

"Cassian" her tone made clear that she was not amused by the idea of what he may do with with all this dance practice.

"I know, I know. I'll be a good General Commander and stand by my High Lord's side the entire night, while she dances with Eris Vanserra" the lightness with which he spoke did very little to hide the feelings behind it. The jealousy.

Mor let him guide the dance, shadows in her eyes. Their imminent visit to Hewn City must be disturbing her, specially knowing both his father and Eris would be there. The stress of the negotiations with Vallahan was wearing her down as well.

"Why do you insist on going after her?" The sudden dryness she spoke with took him by surprise, and so did the question itself. Nesta and whatever the nature of his relationship with her was, wasn't a topic they ever talked about. For the last couple of years, they avoided the subject, pretending it didn't exist. That's why it felt so odd how mad she seemed to be now without any previous warning that the matter was present in her thoughts at all. That it could disturb her so much, was the most unexpected part of it.

It rubbed him the wrong way, but Cassian kept on moving, the smile in his eyes not fading one bit as he looked into hers to answer.

"Jealous that I'm spending my time with her and not you lately?"

The blonde's gaze pierced through him with a cold disdain he hadn't prepared himself for either. "Not at all. Unlike you, I understand what an order is." Ouch. "I don't blame you for following Rhys' command and babysitting her when he asked you to. She's your job, I guess."

"She is not a job"

"Cassian" His friend hardly ever called his full name. This was now the second time in a matter of minutes.

The conversation was taking a turn he didn't like as a sense of danger that made him on guard sat between them. But it was his best friend talking, his sister, so he ignored his instincts and kept moving to the rhythm. He tried to be graceful and move with precision, imagining it was Nesta's pale hand in his.

"I'm serious. You really need to come back from this recess sooner or later. Better if you choose the former, considering you have a job to do, a role to play as the rest of us do. Her included." The dance required him to spin her twice, an artificial pause in her speech as she twirled on his arms "I'm sure it was fun, but Feyre already revoked the order, so it's time you move on and take things seriously again. You have no idea how bad the treaty with Vallahan is going. We must prepare for the worse, have the armies ready".

"You think being here with her is some kind of vacation?"

The flow of her practiced movements didn't disappear for a second as she dissed Nesta, which was unsettling. Apparently, it came natural to her and putting these thoughts into words required no effort. For how long had Mor been thinking this way about his stay in the House of Wind?

"You sure smell like you are having a good time". Mor gave a step forward to the beat of the orchestra. Cassian didn't follow her movement, their bodies colliding.

It was now making him truly angry. Not just her usual dismiss of Nesta, which he had grown accustomed to, but the little care she was showing for him. He hadn't been working less on Illyria for the past months, his duty with Nesta being piled up on top of his previous responsibilities, and in addition to his new assignments as courtier to cover up her absence. He was working his ass off.

Countless, sleepless nights trying to come up with new ideas to help Nesta weren't something he had told her about, but she certainly knew about the exhaustion they put him through. The fighting, the struggle. Having to finally face how lost she was and stop pretending he had nothing to do with it had been a wake up call. Trying to put the pieces together, a painfully slow process they were still working on. They were achieving it bit by bit... and together, he wanted to think. It had been anything but a vacation.

His biggest regret, however, was printed all over her words, truth slipping through the cracks in the lie he had crafted for himself so long ago. That's why Mor's words hit him like a punch in the guts, because he had actually treated Nesta as a job in the beginning, and Nesta probably had thought the same thing -if she didn't still feel about it like that. A job. Cassian flinched. An order given to him to follow, and not his own decision to sought her and be there for her after the war.

"This is not time off for me, and, again, she is not a job."

Mor wasn't listening, "You need to be honest with yourself, Cass. You need to come to terms with whatever it is your cock feels for that female, and move on."

"You did not just say that" Cassian was speechless.

Knowing what she knows.

Cassian put distance between them and scanned the room looking for a chair, needing to sit down. There was one left alone by the wall where they had pushed it to have more space for their dancing. He sat before he felt his blood drop to his feet, his head uncomfortably light as his sight became dizzy.

Mor hadn't just said that. She would never cross him like that. Denial took over, his trustful self convincing him he just needed a moment to focus. Once he felt better, he would realize her words were only a friend worrying, not an attack on him. She was helping. Mor was always there for him when he needed a friend. She was only trying to give him some advice.

Then why did it hurt so much to hear those twisted truths from her mouth?

"Oh, come on!" she was saying behind him. Mor's words were distant and distorted, as if he were underwater. It took him a moment to understand and process them. "You saw what she became after the war just as clearly as I did. You did nothing about it, just like I did. And we were okay with that, we have our own life, Cass, and she doesn't fit in it. There is another war waiting for us in the corner that threatens to break this moment of happness we've built. For our future, you need to come back to be who you are, the Cassian I know. I miss him."

Once again, the plain truth. He had drifted away like everyone else. They had all decided that space was what she needed, and when that didn't work, it was once again them deciding what to do with the pieces that were left. He had agreed to every plan, convincing himself they knew what they were doing and they knew her better than she did. That they had any right to pick a path for her, the biggest lie of them all.

And now Mor's words were shattering the wall of self-inflicted fabrications he had slowly built while Nesta faded away from his reach. He took in his friend's words, their meaning. What she thought, and some of his friends -family- shared.

It made his heart skip a bit to realize that Nesta probably saw it like that too to this day. He had already accepted his mistakes to himself, he knew before the blonde said it what he had done wrong. Yet Cassian hadn't thought about how his actions were read from the outside. Nobody had called him out on his bullshit. Nobody had interfered -wasn't that what friends were supposed to do? So there it was, the reason why none of them had ever tried to help him smooth things between them: they didn't want him to. Stupidly and blindly trusting his friends would have the respect for him he had proven to have for them, he assumed they were just as blind as he was. Apparently, they weren't, and they had purposefully left her to rot.

Up until now, Cassian hadn't entertained the thought that she most likely didn't let him in because she also considered his presence there a task for him to handle, even if they had grown to be... friends.

That was it -a dead end for them.

No matter how hard he insisted on being there for Nesta now, he had already failed her too many times, and she simply wouldn't allow him to get closer a second time. Not the way he wanted to, at least.

His pulse was in his ears. Or maybe he was hearing again the dreadful noises the house played for them before.

Oh, Nesta.

Had she agreed to the plan because she didn't really care for him watching? Did Nesta not care because she simply didn't want to be anything else than friends in the end? Did she even trust him enough to call what they had a friendship?

A glass of red wine appeared on the table next to him and was it was in his hand a second later. Cassian swallowed its content in one sip. It was refilled instantly. Realization hit him right then and there, that he might be in time to save her, yet too late for what he wanted from her. And his ass would be the only one to blame for that. His cowardice. And how could he hope for a second chance from someone who didn't grant one to herself?

A movement in his field of vision took him out of his trance. Mor, who was carefully approaching him, gave a jump back when he got up from his chair, letting it fall back. The loud noise scared her too.

Those damned reports. He should have never agreed to that stupid idea. Nor to the plan they had for tomorrow night. Yes, she had agreed to it, but maybe if he had asked her not to... No, she would have still done it, convinced it was the only way she would not be seen as a coward.

Who gives a fuck about how anyone sees her. She certainly didn't use to. And he used to love that about her.

But now she clearly did, and was ready to do anything to change how he and his friends saw her. Even seducing Eris Vanserra right in front of him.

"Why can't you just leave her alone?" he asked, defeated at the thought that Nesta was indeed going to allow him to be by her side, but probably where he was right now was the closer he would ever get to tearing down her walls.

Mor looked back at him, marking the way his arms hung by his sides, the picture of a defeated male. She showed no compassion.

"Because I can't forget what she did to Feyre. I still remember the night she told us her story, what she went through. I see her grow every day and I'm reminded of who broke her in the first place. I can't let that slide like nothing." Cassian opened his mouth to say something, not knowing what exactly. He closed it again as Mor lifted a finger to stop whatever words he would have come up with from escaping his mouth. She was angry, "She let her 14 year old sister go wonder the woods next to the Wall all alone. Feyre was a child, Cassian. A kid who had to risk her life on a daily basis because your lover didn't want splinters in her fingernails."

Cassian sighed, tired of a conversation that kept circling back to the same point over and over again. He knew what Nesta's choices had meant to Feyre, but he had seen her regret as well, and what those same choices had done to her. Cassian had seen and heard the forgiveness coming from Feyre herself, her actions a window to what his High Lady needed: to move on. They had talked about it, his friend had opened up to him and she was obviously determined to have her sister back at any cost. And so was him. He was determined to help his friend and at the same time assist Nesta with whatever it was she needed... once she came to terms with what it was.

He had taken her to the old cabin they used to live in and had stand by her side as she scanned the place, finding only bad memories of the person she used to be. She wanted to move on as well. So if the two people involved wanted the same thing, why did their friends keep getting in the way using a wound that was already healing as an excuse.

"But you can forgive Elain?"

"Elain has at least tried to be one of us, Nesta has done nothing since she arrived but be against us."

Cassian laughed at that, a bitter, joyless laugh. "Elain is trying to be our friend, while Nesta doesn't like us. Is that it?" He chuckled again. "Are you telling me that the only reason you pick on her is that she doesn't want to be your friend and you can't just accept that? I thought it was her actions to Feyre in the past, but yes, this makes way more sense now." This time it was him stopping her from talking back, "I can see a pattern there. Isn't that the same reason you don't trust Lucien no matter how hard he works to help us? That he has his own life beyond us?" The volume of his voice went in crescendo as his anger rose to meet hers, "You can't be seriously expecting me to leave her because of a petty fight that only exists in your head."

"It's not just me, Cass. It's all of us. No one likes her, no one wants her around, and we are not having our days ruined every time she shows up so you can fuck her. You are not like this, you are not selfish like that." The indignation simmering in her brown eyes didn't make her an inch scarier to him, the childish reasons for it almost making him consider the argument over, hadn't him been so heated himself. "I want my friend back. And so does Rhys, who can't look at her -or Lucien, for that matter, without being reminded of what his mate went through before he found her."

Cassian snapped.

His siphons glowed scarlet red, goosebumps in his arms from the contained adrenaline rushing through his veins. He screamed at her in anger for the first time in... for the first time in as long as he could remember.

"Don't you dare try to make me feel like I'm a bad friend to Feyre to justify your bigotry. Don't you dare try to convince me that I'm the one hurting others, so I stay in my place while you do whatever the fuck you want and then blame the problems that surface on me. Don't you fucking dare play the victim of this when it's none of your business."

There had been genuine happiness in Feyre's eyes the night Nesta and her decided to give themselves one last chance.

Now Mor was reducing Feyre to nothing but an excuse for her own grudges. She was trying to yield her past suffering as a weapon against her sister, which would make Feyre just as furious as he was. She would never use the damage she experienced to hurt someone she loved, and that was the kind of friend he wanted in his life giving him advice. That was the kind of friend Cassian needed.

He had taken Nesta to the mountains and listened to her cry. He had heard from her mouth how she felt.

Worthless.

She had felt like she didn't deserve to be alive.

And apparently, Mor agreed.

It couldn't be wrong to have sympathy for her. It couldn't be wrong to want her. And he did want her. Cassian wanted everything with her. Was he a bad friend to Feyre for that? How, when his friend wanted the same thing?

"She saved my life twice. She was ready to die with me instead of running away. Does that mean nothing to you?" Above all, what broke Cassian's trust in her wasn't simply her disapproval of Nesta. Rather than that, what Cassian wasn't sure he could forgive was how little care she showed for him. "If you don't like her, that's fine. I don't care, and I can promise you she doesn't either. But don't you dare use Feyre or me as an excuse for it."

"I won't apologize for caring. I won't apologize for protecting my High Lady and my best friend, and the life you really want and deserve".

"At what point exactly did you decide Feyre's happiness was above Nesta's life? Was it after you met her, or had you already ranked your priorities the night Feyre told us about her sisters? Oh, sorry, our priorities, since apparently you know what I want better than I do." Cassian wasn't sure if he would have stopped his ranting right there if he had seen any regret coming from Mor, and he never got to find out. His friend's face was a mask of faked boredom as he spoke. "From all people, I would expect you guys to know what it's like to be perceived by outsiders in a way that's different from who you are as a measure of protection. You simply fail to understand that, for her, we've been the bad guys she has to be wary of since day one. And the reason is precisely that we made our minds clear about her in that fucking dinner party and refused to change it independently of what she did to be better".

He would know about it.

A blank expression was painted on her face. "You need to chill."

"Leave." he ordered. It was no up for discussion. Cassian couldn't even look at her right now. He was fuming and didn't want to say things he would later regret. As he opened the glass doors for Mor, he knew he would, unless one of them left.

"Are you seriously going to let a stupid fight about her get between us?"

It was the way she said her. Like she had said it a hundred times before, like others had pronounced as well, including him not so long ago.

Cassian turned to face the blonde, a special kind of anger glimmering in his eyes.

"Me?!" he screamed. Mor gave instinctively a step back, "Am I going to let it get between us!? You are the one who brought her up, Mor. You are the one who has a problem, and I'm the one pretending you don't trash her at every chance you get, so we can still be friends. I'm not the one letting an argument get between us, for the only thing I've been doing over five hundred years is make everything easier for you. And now, I'm done." Her eyes went wide.

But Cassian was now beyond turning. He had tried to leave and make her go to avoid exactly what was about to happen, "Are you seriously going to let a stupid sister fight only you care about at this point get between me and my happiness? You really despise her so much you would take the chance of being happy with Nesta away from me only to make her miserable?" he spat.

Cassian took a step forward and Mor gave another one back at the same time, recoiling. There was fear in her face as he made his way to her, a kind of fear he had never seen on her features whilst looking at him. "Just look at me in the eye and answer this question, Mor, and I promise there won't be more fights between us for better or worse: Would you rather have me unsatisfied for the rest of my days than have me happy, if that requires her being blissful as well? "

Her silence was too long. It was too damn long.

Cassian spread his wings, the glimmer of his siphons mirroring his anger, and went for the glass doors.

"I only want to protect you." Mor cried behind him. Cassian walked fast, but she was at his heels when he reached the banister, begging him to stop and listen.

One single tear run down her beautiful face. If any other person had made her shed a tear, he would be the first one going after them to make them suffer unimaginable pain. Mor was his best friend, had always been. Cassian thought there was nobody in the world he wouldn't at least beat up for making her sad the way she looked now. But he heard her whimper, saw the hurt, and realized it was too little compared to what she had inflicted on him. On Nesta.

She had gone too far. And at the same time, she was giving him too little.

He turned to face her, needing to make sure he wasn't making a mistake. A part of him refused to believe this was actually happening, wanted to trust in that, once he met her eyes again, he would see regret in her pupils. The hope he had learned from her ages ago making him give her one last look before he aimed for the sky.

Of course, Mor was too stubborn to show any kind of surrender. Too proud to be regretful.

"I am a 500 year old warrior. She is a 25 year old female whose family she can't talk to without pushing them away. And you think I'm the one who needs protection because she is mean to those she doesn't like."

It was not a question. Cassian wanted Mor to hear what her case sound like to him. Before he left, Cassian wanted her to know this was not going to be a short argument and they wouldn't be having lunch together next week. It was a breaking point in their friendship, and he was going to stand on this hill as long as it took, unmoving no matter how many jibes she trowed at him or how many tears wetted her face.

Mor cried in silence, and only because the winter breeze was cooling him down, he didn't get angrier at her for that, at himself, and at the world. Why did they always find a way to make things harder than they should be?

"Wait, please, don't go." The sound of his wings spreading again almost prevented him from hearing her whimper as she said, "I can still teach you one last dance," she murmured. Cassian listened carefully, she didn't dare moving, monitoring his position as if he were a wild animal and she was a rabbit trying to be discrete to not become his prey "There is one gavotte they are likely to play. She is so good at it, you would think she's known the moves for decades and not days."

A temtative hand reached for his arm and stayed there. He had never seen Mor stutter, especially when it came to him. Cassian had always been her best friend, the one who never got mad at her and she could count on. Now she was unsure if he was leaving for the day, or if he was flying away from her for Cauldron knows how long. She didn't tighten her grip on him when he didn't push her away, it remained light and unsure. "I think you already know it, but we can practice that one a couple of times. Just in case you get a chance to dance with her. You'll look great by her side... like it's meant to be".

Cassian noticed his cheeks were wet as well. His gaze burned so fiercely Mor couldn't hold his stare. With anger still painted all over his features, Cassian nodded and followed her inside again.

Mor didn't say a bad word about her for the rest of the evening, and even if he couldn't know where she went afterwards to rant about it, he appreciated her silence.

---

A couple of minutes after her orgasm, Nesta's legs were still shaking. Cassian drove his hand up and down her thighs, feeling her soft skin with the excuse of a massage to help her muscles relax.

He needed to calm down as well -it had been a particularly long day. Nesta had been happy to follow him into his room after dinner, feeling something was off. He had to restrain himself from telling her when she asked about it. First, because he didn't want her to know he was taking dance lessons with Mor. She would know the reason behind it in a second, and he didn't feel like exposing himself like that for a second time that day.

He also couldn't tell her about the argument that hours later still kept his head bussy. He didn't want her to know how frivolously she had been discussed, what both Mor and him had said about her in the same living room where their kisses after dinner had started.

Nesta's breathing was steady, tranquil. His cock was still inside her. He needed to feel her touch. She wasn't in conditions to leave his room even if he came out of her, but Cassian didn't want to give her a chance to get rid of him just yet. He needed her presence there a little longer.

Nesta's fingers tangled themselves in his hair, pressing his head to the crook of her neck. He kissed the soft skin and felt her pulse beat fast against his lips. The path of wet kisses he planted all the way up to the spot behind her ear made her moan.

Cassian felt his blood rushing back to his cock.

With his hands, he cupped her breasts. A sigh escaped her swollen lips, his own closing around a hard nipple. Cassian marked with kisses and playful bites his way down her abdomen to the apex of her thighs. Nesta's let a loud moan escape when his tongue hit with precision her bundle of nerves, drawing circles around it. Teasing her. Making her wetter if that was even possible.

Unaffected by Nesta's pleas, he enjoyed playing with her, his mouth exploring her folds as if wanting to drink her in. Cassian couldn't hear anything, the sinful sounds she let out a song his blood echoed, roaring in his ears. Her hand found his head, her hips clashing against him as she tried to ride his face. Oh, he loved it when she did that, so desperate to have him closer, for his touch to never leave her.

It was his lust what determined every movement his body made, convincing Casian he could reach heaven just by climbing up her hips. Cassian didn't stop until he felt her thighs clench the sides of his head. The hand that held him fixed between her legs became a fist in his hair, encouraging him to keep going, keep licking and keep playing with her most sensitive spot until his tongue took her over the edge one more time.

Yet he hadn't had enough of her. He needed more and more, and after each time they slept together, the urge to have her again grew stronger, as Cassian became more impatient for the next time. Nesta felt the same way, by how her hands found his wings by reaching behind his shoulders and aroused him again. A grin spread through her face when he let his lover play with him in whatever way she pleased. Whatever she wanted from him, Cassian would give.

He climaxed one more time all over her breasts, before he finally renounced to her body. He was content resting by her side, their legs tangled under the sheets.

It was now a matter of time before Nesta left his room.

Cassian's legs tangled with hers. Nesta moved idly against him, making herself comfortable. Their bodies fitted together like pieces from a jigsaw puzzle, their breaths the only sound in the room. He could tell she was cold as he once again found himself caressing her arms, pale like porcelain under the moonlight that came through the window. Cassian pulled the sheets to cover them and planted a kiss on her forehead.

Nesta had her walls down. She looked so peaceful curled up against him.

"You don't like us, do you?" even if he whispered the words, they were loud in the silence of the room.

Nesta was fighting to focus her sight, just as tired as he was. "What do you mean?" Oh Cauldron. That raspy voice of hers after sex. Too much moaning for her own good. And he hadn't even enjoyed her throat that night. He had to picture terrible things in his head so his cock would behave and not react to her "that was really great sex" voice.

"My friends and I. The Inner Circle as a whole, you could say." His hand rested in the small of Nesta's back, drawing lazy circles.

She maneuvered to get rid of his touch, sitting up on the bed. The absence of her body against him was painfully obvious. Cassian laid on his back, fighting the impulse to sit up as well. He moved his hands to his nape with faked laziness, as if the question was simple small talk. Yeah... the small talk they never had after sex. Not weird or suspicious at all.

Good job, you idiot. She's not coming to your room in weeks. He cursed himself.

He couldn't withdraw now, it was too late. Nesta's gaze was feline. On guard.

"I don't think I dislike any of you more than you dislike me."

"Hey, I don't dislike you!" he ignored the cautiosness on her tone. He would pretend everything was okay and pray Nesta somehow went with it, "I would say, in fact, that I am very fond of you. And so is Az, for what's worth."

She smiled, a cold grin that didn't seem to fit with the rest of her face, still flushed, eyes glassy and tired. "Then you don't have to worry about it." He said nothing, only kept looking at her. He had learned that, if he waited long enough, she would go on. It could be only to insult him and then leave... but she would go on.

---

Nesta sighed. Where was he going with this? What was she even supposed to respond? No, she didn't like half of them... that if she counted the ones she barely tolerated. But she could sit in the same table as them and be civil. She was even working for them, so why he would bring that up two minutes after he came all over her, was beyond Nesta.

"I thought you didn't care what your friends thought of this" she pointed between the two of them, her gesture just as calculatedly casual as his had been.

A wet washcloth appeared on his nightstand. Nesta mentally thanked the house for her timing. If she was forced to have this conversation, she would rather be clean for it. Nesta rubbed it on her chest, Cassian's gaze following and fixing on her breasts. She cleared her throat, urging him to answer.

"And I don't. I was just curious if you did."

Nesta sigh.

"You've snapped at me before for calling one of you an asshole, Cassian. Do you really expect me to go on a detailed answer on how much I value them and their opinions?" Cassian tightened his jaw, but didn't answer. He waited for her to go on, knowing his silence was pressure enough for her to give in and talk.

If she said she didn't mind what they thought of her, she would be lying. But if she told him she did care, she would be lying as well. It wasn't that simple, a "yes" or a "no".

Nesta cared and worried about their opinions, not because she valued their judgement, but because she was still afraid she didn't have enough power in that Court to face their truth with hers. She had her own thoughts about them, but they didn't have the weight on Cassian one word from any of his friends had.

Nobody ever asked her what she thought of them, because it didn't really matter. Yet everyone expected Nesta to take into consideration what they wanted -who they expected her to be. They had crossed the line in the most disgusting ways to make sure she did the right changes to fit into the mold they had created for her. And Cassian had been a part of it.

Now, from all people, Cassian was asking.

"Don't mention them when we are in bed if you want to see me here again." that was the little bargain power she was sure she had over him. The territory she could claim for herself.

Once again, it took Cassian some time to come up with his own words. Nesta's brain was going a thousand thoughts per minute, reading his face, his body, trying to anticipate where he was going to strike next. He had chosen to bring this up right after sex, when she was slower with her wit. Prick.

When Nesta thought he simply wouldn't answer, Cassian finally sat on the mattress, shoulders down, his body apparently relaxed, his muscles tense and wings tucked in "I know this is just sex, and that's enough for me. I'll take it." As he mouthed the words, Nesta came out of the mist that clouded her thoughts, ready to cover up any crack on her armor. "I just want to know if my friends have anything to do with you not wanting... more."

For that, the answer was yes. She did worry what they thought of Cassian and her being... close, only because she wasn't sure what Cassian would do if they didn't approve of them together.

Nesta didn't care, but she worried what it would mean for her if they asked him to leave. Nesta was sure she meant enough to Cassian for him to put on some resistance. But when push came to shove, if they ever asked him to choose, she doubted Cassian would put her before them.

And she wasn't ready to be broken like that.

There was one thing about Cassian she admired above anything else he had and was, and that was his loyalty. Absolutely unmoving. She saw first-hand how this male loved, so ardently, so unwavering. If Cassian was asked to choose and chose his friends, she wouldn't blame him, she would understand. She had seen him put his life on the line for them without thinking, the act natural to him.

It was knowing that Cassian wasn't the obedient dog others had claimed him to be what would be devastating for her. To be so sure that he didn't feel the need to follow his High Lord to the end of the world.

If he chose them, duty wouldn't be the reason. Cassian would do it because he literally loved them more.

It was precisely that what made her so afraid to let him in. To not know if whatever he wanted from her would ever mean to him as much as the bonds he already had. If there was a chance for him to value it even above those. Because she wouldn't take less.

Nesta couldn't tell him she didn't care what they thought, for it would be a lie. And she couldn't tell him about her reasons either without bearing her heart more than she was ready for. And every time she reminded him -or herself- that it was just sex, she remembered why she refused to give him anything else.

So yes, Nesta cared about what they thought only because she feared them in a way Cassian wouldn't understand. He had defended them against her in the past like he didn't know that side of them existed at all.

Unable to answer, Nesta nodded.

Cassian took in her gesture. At his silence, Nesta practically launched herself out of Cassian's bed, aiming for the door and grabbing her nightgown on her way.

He was there before she could grip the knob. His hand slammed the door to make sure she couldn't open it. Nesta turned on her heels to face him, angry at how aggressive his gesture was. At the audacity to behave like this after she gave him the answer he had asked for, only because he hadn't liked it.

She was trapped between his body and the wooden door, her face an inch apart from his naked chest. Because they were still naked. He banged his head against the door and closed his eyes.

"You know I would give my life for you. In a heartbeat. Without hesitation." Nesta could feel her mouth dry. She couldn't believe he was making a scene about this, considering what her mission the next day. What had happened that afternoon before she came back from the Library to shake him like this? "You know that, right?" Cassian insisted.

She nodded one more time, her forehead brushing his shoulder.

"I know you have good reasons to want them far away from you, Nes, but they are part of my life. My family. When I ask myself what I want in my future, I know I want them in it. We've been through so much together that I really can't picture my life without them at this point. To be honest, I don't want to picture it either."

Nesta's throat burned and so did her eyes, lined with tears. She wasn't ready to listen to this coming from his lips.

"But I want you too, and I don't even know if you think that's possible or if I'm making a fool of myself by trying to go after you."

She was glad Cassian had his eyes closed so he wouldn't see the mess she became as his words hit her. Nesta closed them as well, so the tears didn't come out. "We have a mission tomorrow, Cassian. I need to get some sleep and be well rested."

He didn't move.

"Let's not jeopardy the mission for a question you already know the answer for".

In a matter of hours she was going to be dancing with Eris in Hewn City trying to lure him into an alliance with his beloved friends because they had asked that from her. And she had agreed because the future of the frail political situation they were in depended on it. She needed to focus her mind back on that. She told herself that by doing so, she would forget about his confrontation, and by some miracle he wouldn't bring it up again after that.

"Why did you even accept to help with that plan, Nesta?" Cassian asked again, an angry whisper in her ear.

Because it's worse to stay in my room while you are there with them and wonder if you would vanish away once again if I don't follow all of you wherever you go.

The low light of the lamp threw shadows on Cassian's hazel eyes when he opened them to look straight into hers. They were so beautiful. He stretched his arm to cup her hand, but Nesta hid it in her lap before he could.

His arm hung there for a moment, as if not knowing what to do with it.

Don't worry, Cassian, I'm choosing this for myself. I'll do it. I want to do it.

And in return, she only asked him to keep things casual.

Nesta knew it was unfair to him. She was giving him no choice. It was selfish. But no one expected anything better from her anyway. She was self-absorbed, everyone knew that. It seemed to be her defining characteristic in their eyes from the beginning. No need to change that now. The only thing Nesta was willing to replace was her relationship with herself, with who she was. The only goal in her mind was to be as ready to fight for her life as she was to give it for others. Only then, she would be able to share her heart the way she wanted to. And if he was still around when that happened, she would gladly give him a piece. Just not yet.

It would take time, but he had promised to stay no matter how long it took. He had sworn.

Her voice was too close to cracking. "You should go get some rest as well. Don't think too much about this, Cassian. It's just sex, remember?"

"Just sex" he agreed.

Nesta moved her hands up and carefully placed them on his chest to push him away. He obediently gave a step back, freeing her. She went straight for the door knob and opened it. Nesta exited as fast as she could to turn her back on him before he saw the effect his damned questions had had on her.

"And I have no intention of changing that for my own reasons. Your friends have nothing to do with it."

It's you, she thought.

"So many things are happening to me at the same time," she said instead, "that...I don't even know how to deal with them and not have a breakdown every five minutes. I need you to be the one thing in my life that is easy. Please." there was no point in hiding her weeping anymore. "And I don't need anyone to die for me. I would hate that, actually. I want someone who is going to stay alive and by my side all the way. And that's why you need to let go." Nesta wasn't sure whose heartbeat she was hearing, but it was thundering at an alarming pace.

"I understand" he said. His voice was not her lover's caring tone, nor her friend's easy-going voice. He was putting distance between them, making it impersonal. She didn't blame him, as she did the same thing and closed the door behind her.

She went straight to her room and asked the House to warm up the cold space.

There were no dreams for her that night.

---

On the same room one floor above, Cassian stared at the ceiling for hours, unable to find sleep.

The sun came up before he got to close his eyes, still thinking about what Nesta had asked from him. What his High Lord had asked from him aligning with her request as well. What Mor thought of it all. The ball and Eris being the one to spend the entire night with Nesta Archeron.

He had a job to do, a character to play he knew too well to mess it up even if he had gotten no rest, so that part didn't worry him one bit.

Only when he finally got up with the first rays of sunshine, Cassian came to terms with what he would do that night and how far was he willing to go. If what he wanted for himself was worth risking all the good things he already had, both with his friends and with her.

Maybe it was time to stop being a coward who adapted to the group's needs. Maybe it was time he gave the first step. Or perhaps he would do better waiting, not rushing things and allowing people to come to him whenever they were ready. No. The person he had in mind the entire night and kept him from resting would never go to him, pride and uncertainty preventing her from taking risks with him. Yet one step too far could mean three steps back, and then none of it would be worth it.

Mor was right, he was not being his old self as he took a cold shower, put on his leathers, and flew to the River House to put Rhys' plan for tonight into motion. Cassian was not being the illyrian Commander they had always known when he stepped into Hewn City armed to his teeth and ready to improvise and do absolutely everything his heart asked him to do.

#fix it fic #fixing acosf #nessian #nessian month

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inevitably-johnlocked · 4 years ago

Note

Hello Steph! First, thank you for everything you do for this fandom!! I don’t know what we would do without you!! ♥️ I am looking to start my first novel length Johnlock fic. I found your list, and was wondering if you had a specific one to recommend to start off with? I’m looking for something that won’t make me too sad (the world does that on its own), and of course, lots of Johnlock!! Any recommendations would be appreciated, thank you!! Sending love!! *hugs*

HI NONNY!

Hmm, this is tough, because Novel Length is anything over 50K words, but some people don’t want to read “novels that short”. So I get a lot of requests for Epic novels over 100K, so like WOOO HOO LOL.

Hmm. How about I give you a few recs varying lengths, based on your requirements, and you can decide how long you want to go, since I list all my word counts on my recs?

First off, for when you become obsessed with the lengthy fics like I am now LOL:

Novel Length Fics: 50 to 100K (Nov. 2018)

Novel Length Fics: 50 to 100K Pt 2 (May 2020)

Novel Length Fics: 100K+ w. (May 2019)

Novel Length Fics: 100K+ w. Pt 2 (Aug 2020)

Novel Length Fics: 100K+ w. Pt 3 [MFL’s] (Dec 2020)

Next, here’s something for each range between 50 and 100K+ <3

BUT BEFORE I BEGIN: honourable mention because it IS my fave fic ever, and it fits your criteria minus the length so SORRY but please check it out:

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w., 7 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

--------

Okay, now the main event, of more-fluff-than-angst:

NOVEL LENGTH NOT-SO-ANGSTY FICS FOR NEWBIES

Spare Change by Ermerness (E, 51,966 w., 14 Ch. || Rich Holmeses AU || First Kiss / Time, Holmes Family, Virgin Sherlock, Anal, First Meetings, Bossy Bottomlock) – The Holmes family is one of the richest and most powerful in England. Sherlock spends his time flying around the world on the family's private jet drinking a lot and shopping at expensive boutiques as a way of trying to alleviate his endless boredom. His mother decides it's time he settles down with someone powerful, wealthy and well connected. John Watson happens to be none of those things.

Guilty Secrets by Ellipsical (E, 55,086 w., 16 Ch. || Post-TRF, Drumsticks, First Kiss/Time, Love Confession, Self-Sexual-Discovery, Anal, Rimming, Orgasm Denial, Butt Plugs, Cooking, Furniture Sex, Bath Sex, Rimming, Double Penetration, Prostate Massage, Anal Beads, Dancing, Romance, Tantric Edging, Internalized Homophobia, Case as Foreplay, Anal Beads, Tickling, Dancing, Dry Coming, Romance) – John has a prostate exam and discovers something surprising about himself. Experimentation follows. Sherlock wants to help. They're in love. You know the drill.

Bridging the Ravine by SilentAuror (E, 58,887 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Couple For a Case, Bed-Sharing, First Times, Confessions, Awkwardness, Sex Trafficking, Massages, Wet T-Shirt Contest, Group Therapy, Past Loss of Child) – Sherlock and John go undercover at Ravine Valley, a therapy centre for same-sex male couples in an investigation into a possible human trafficking ring. As they pose as a couple and fake their way through the therapy sessions for the sake of the case, it quickly becomes difficult to avoid discussing their very real issues. Set roughly six nine months after series 4.

Perdition's Flames by i_ship_an_armada (E, 63,435 w., 21 Ch. || Treklock AU, Est. Rel, Genetic Engineering, Angst & Fluff, BAMF!John) – Sherlock would do anything to save him. Risk anything. Give anything. His money, his life. His soul. What he does, though, is change both of their destinies forever. Genetic re-engineering is the only option left. It turns out researchers underestimated the life expectancy and potential abilities of genetically re-engineered subjects. The British government and what would eventually become the United Federation of Planets, however, had not. Part 1 of PF Universe

A Cure For Boredom by emmagrant01 (E, 81,665 w., 8 Ch. || Dirty Talk, Threesomes, Light Dom/Sub, Sex Club, Experiments, Anal, Mildly Dubious Consent, Rimming, Cheeking, Double Penetration, Mild Kink, Porn Watching, Voyeurism, Masturbation) – They’d never talked about sex in the year they’d known each other. Well, that wasn’t quite correct: Sherlock had never said a word about sex; John had bemoaned his personal dearth of it on many occasions.

Uphill by scullyseviltwin (E, 84,945 w., 18 Ch. || Olympics AU || Sherlock POV, Skier!Sherlock / Medic!John, Rivalry, 2014 Olympics, Happy Ending) – Sherlock Holmes is striving for gold in this, his fourth and final Olympics as a downhill Alpine racer.

A Study in Winning by Jupiter_Ash (E, 106,658 w., 11 Ch. || Tennis AU || John POV, Dirty Talk, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Happy Ending, Sherlock Speaks French, Switchlock, Wimbledon) – John and Sherlock are professional tennis players and it’s Wimbledon. One is a broken almost was at the end of his career, the other an arrogant rising star tipped for greatness. It should have been a straightforward tournament. It really should have been. How were they to know that a chance encounter would change everything? Part 1 of Tennis

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w., 23 Ch. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Hand / Blow Jobs, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Facial Shaving, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship's surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there's more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin' the eye, he has to choose... is it a pirate's life for him?

The Horse and his Doctor by khorazir (T, 129,003 w., 13 Ch. || Horse / Vet AU || Magical Realism, Horses, Vet John, Horse Sherlock, Implied Alcoholism) – Invalided after a run in with a poacher in Siberia, veterinary surgeon John Watson finds it difficult to acclimatise to the mundanity of London life. Things change when a friend invites him along to a local animal shelter and he meets their latest acquisition, a trouble-making Frisian with the strangest eyes and even stranger quirks John has ever encountered in a horse.

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w., 37 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

Midnight Blue Serenity by BeautifulFiction (E, 151,907 w., 19 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Gay Bar / For a Case, Drugs, Pining, Case Fic, UST) – When Sherlock infiltrates a club in order to track down a serial killer, his altered appearance is enough to make John question his assumption that Sherlock is beyond his reach. However, is he the only one who appreciates his flatmate's charms, or is Sherlock at risk of becoming the next victim?

Gimme Shelter by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (E, 159,368 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || 70′s Surfer AU || Period Typical Homophobia, Hawaii, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Professional Surfers, Gay John / Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John was a Sailor, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining) – All John Watson wants is the feeling of a freshly waxed surfboard under his feet and the hot California sun baking down onto his back. To finally go pro in the newly formed world of professional surfing and leave the dark memories of his past behind him as he rips across the face of a towering blue barrel. To lounge beside the beach bonfire every evening with an ice cold beer tucked into the cool sand beside him and listen to Pink Floyd and the Doors while the saltwater dries in his sun bleached hair. That's all he wants, that is, until the hot young phenom taking Oahu and the Hawaiian shores by storm steps up next to him in the sand in the second round of the 1976 International Surf Competition. (PUBLISHED AS ‘The Sea Ain’t Mine Alone’)

Mise en Place by azriona (M, 161,004 w., 28 Ch. || Restaurant (Kitchen Nightmares) AU || Sherlock is Gordon Ramsay / Celebrity Sherlock, Restauranteur John, Harry Plays Prominent Role, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, Cranky Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn) – John Watson had no intentions of taking over the family business, but when he returns from Afghanistan, battered and bruised, and discovers that his sister Harry has run their restaurant into the ground, he doesn't have much choice. There's only one thing that can save the Empire from closing for good – the celebrity star of the BBC series Restaurant Reconstructed, Chef Sherlock Holmes. Part 1 of Mise en Place

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Hope you enjoy those!!! <3 PLEASE read them all, though, and THEN READ ALL THE ONES ON THOSE LISTS. Because once you start long fics, you get REALLY INTO THEM. Hah hah <3

#steph replies #johnlock fic recs #long fics #my fic recs #fave fics #johnlock for newcomers #sort of #Anonymous

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kittybellestark · 4 years ago

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Hi ! I don't know if this is where you send requests, but maybe a fic where peter gets all jealous of Morgan and Harley, and its fathers day, but he feels like he shouldn't be there and stays in the room the Stark's have for him- (Tony lives) OH! and maybe Mays dead idk whatever ya want thank you ! <3 Oh! and can I be on the taglist?

hi milove sorry for taking literal months to do your request i recognize you requesting this on nov 18th and it is now February so i hope this is smth that was worth the wait !!

So I played with the timelines a lil bit bc i suck and i also just kinda took this to a place i don’t think you were asking me to do whoops, it’s not just some cute sibling jealously

also not very irondad based, like sprinkle amounts. also no comfort. my bad

Post-endgame, Tony lives, Harley & Peter are the same age, Peter got snapped Harley didn’t

TW: Grief, implication of suicide(minor character), suicidal thoughts,

There wasn’t many things Peter liked. He remembers liking a lot of things, life, school, home, himself. But that was years ago, and yet it was only a few months for Peter. The world was different now, older.

Those who survived held grief in their eyes, they moved slow and while they have grown since the loss of their world, they also had survived the return. They mourned and grew older, making new family and friends. But some who survived couldn’t hold the weight of their loss, and in the 5 years their family was gone, they went to be with them.

The returned came back, and lived in denial. Their eyes were empty, and every movement was carefully thought through. They were left behind, monuments in their place. Those who returned saw how the survived struggled to cope, and in turn they struggled as well. There was no place for them anymore. Especially when they didn’t have a family to go to.

Like Peter.

Peter returned to the world five years later to find May was gone. She was one of those who survived the initial snap, only to not be able to carry the grief. He hated that he came back to life and had no home, no family. Peter was alone.

Tony was nice enough to offer Peter a place to live with his own family. But they couldn’t relate to him, they didn’t know what it felt like to be left behind like this, to be dropped in the future and expected to be okay. Tony had a family now. A child born in an empty world, and another kid, Harley. He was barely a teenager before the snap and now he was 17, just as old as Peter.

He couldn’t help but hate living with them. Harley’s family had returned, but he wasn’t going home. Morgan was a child who was scared by Peter. Tony and Pepper sometimes forgot Peter was there, after spending so long without him they would act as if they’ve seen a ghost when Peter rounds the corner and into whatever room they’re occupying.

Peter missed May. He wished that he could still be in Queens, living in their apartment. Peter missed Ben and he missed the idea of his parents. He should have never returned. There’s no room for him in this world.

He hated how Harley took advantage of their situation. He hated that Harley had a family, a mother and a sister who returned and are alone and he didn’t go back to them. His family returned to him and yet he’s here with Tony. And he hated how Morgan took her family- her full, completed family for granted.

If Peter’s family came back to life there wouldn’t be anything stopping him from being with them. He would cherish every single nano-second if they were alive again.

And yet they all expected Peter to be okay. Adapted. Used to the future like he didn’t just blink and find himself lost and alone. He brings up that he misses May and someone frowns and tells him how long ago she died. How was that supposed to help him? No one even brought him to the cemetery. How is Peter meant to move on from a life that was stolen from him?

It’s not like any of them were okay. Tony and Pepper and Harley all crumbled as whenever there was a reminder of everything that they lost. Peter, unfortunately happened to be one of those reminders.

Tony and Pepper tried their best. They involved Peter in family bonding time and they tried their best not to flinch when Peter is unexpectedly there. Because they survived, they didn’t understand and talking to them led to dead ends.

He tried communicating with them. Cried over May’s death, had been confused about these new things that are actually years old. For them it was so long ago, a literal lifetime ago, so they never really saw the point in talking about these things. It wasn’t that they thought Peter would figure this out, they just assumed he already knew.

Talking to Harley didn’t really work that well either. He didn’t want to talk about the things Peter missed out on and when asked about his family he would shrug and say that he’s moved on.

And, well, Morgan was a kid. She was born in an empty world, told stories of people that she never should have met and now faced with the world doubling and not understanding any of it. Peter Parker was just a character is bedtime stories and now he’s a ghost who wants her home. She used to cry whenever Peter is around and still tries to hide behind people’s legs.

God, he hated being this kid. Never wanted to be the one who envied others. Before- when it was still just May and Peter, he didn’t feel this gnawing inside him, while they didn’t have much Peter still had someone who fit all the rolls he needed. He hated being jealous, he didn’t feel this when he used to look at anyone who had two living parents.

He shouldn’t be here. Not in this room, which came decorated with everything Peter had loved before he died- and not alive. He didn’t fit. Not into this family who struggles with the idea he’s alive and not on this planet where the world is still mourning the people who came back.

“Are you coming downstairs?” Harley asked.

Peter can’t be here. He had no right.

“I have a taxi coming to get me.”

That wasn’t a lie. Something he scheduled last night at some point, between the tears and holding his breath. Peter didn’t think anyone would be awake at this time, Sunday’s were always the day that everyone slept in and Peter could just be alone outside of his room. Sometimes he would just sit in the living room and other times he’d wander around the property, often ending up by the lake. By the time everyone would start waking up Peter would be back in his room with some breakfast and try not to bother anyone.

“Okay, well it’s fathers day, so I think they might be expecting your presence in some form. We have plans and all that.”

Of course they do. They always make plans where Peter only finds out the day before or day of. Maybe Peter has plans. They could consider that. Okay, maybe Peter never really has any plans, nothing more than trying to understand this new world. And maybe he didn’t make the active effort to find where he fit in this home, but he is the child and it shouldn’t really be up to him. Harley probably didn’t have to engage with the adults first. Tony and Pepper more than likely got input from Harley on their plans.

With a sigh Peter nodded. “I’ll cancel the taxi.”

“Cool! I’ll tell everyone you’ll be down soon.”

Harley made sure to give a big smile, before heading downstairs, a bounce in each step he took. Peter really hated Harley for his happiness.

Taking a moment after canceling the taxi, Peter tried to pull himself together. He forced a smile and pulled his shoulders back. All that needs to be done is sit and nod, occasionally laugh. Pay no mind to the way Morgan looks at him in fear, and don’t see the look of mourning on Tony and Pepper’s face. He needs to not remember Harley’s family alone in Tennessee.

He went down the stairs and followed the noise to the kitchen. There was laughter and the sounds of dishes clinking against one another. It smelt of pancakes and cinnamon and hash browns and coffee. Standing here Peter could close his eyes and pretend this was seven years in the past, with him and May and Ben. He could imagine Ben making the food and singing along to the radio with May dancing along as she sets the table. But this wasn’t 2016, this was 2023. Instead it was a finished family forced to bring him in, a harsh reminder that he doesn’t belong.

Peter stepped into the kitchen, Pepper was just finishing up breakfast and Harley was setting the table. Morgan was sitting on Tony’s lap whispering into her fathers ear. Food was laid out ready to be served, with orange juice, iced tea and coffee all in their own pitchers waiting to be poured. He moved through the room, trying to not to intrude before sitting down at the table. It didn’t take much longer for Pepper and Harley to sit down as well, Tony moving Morgan into her proper chair.

Everyone around Peter fell into easy conversation while he stayed silent, trying to focus on his food instead of the way Morgan was starring daggers at him. They talked about their favourite family vacations and laughed at their own jokes. Peter couldn’t help but feel like he was actually sitting out on the porch. This family had five years together, five years of memories and laughter, of love and pain, and Peter wasn’t apart of any of it. He wasn’t a part of any family, his own buried and far too dead.

“Peter, what about you? Did you have any Father’s Day traditions?”

Hearing Harley address Peter pulled him back to this world, and welcomed in his deep rooted desire to have his family back. Harley had two families now and he left one completely. Abandoned them when they came back to life. And Morgan was sitting here glaring at Peter completely oblivious to the fact that she has her entire family and how privileged she was for it.

“Well I don’t have any memories of my parents, so I don’t think there were any traditions with them. The only people I could ask about that are now dead. Unless you consider going to the cemetery to go visit your dead father you can’t remember a father’s day tradition, then no.”

The entire table stopped eating, all sounds coming to a complete end. Everyone stayed still as if Peter was some volatile bomb that would explode if anyone nearby breathed too hard. He could feel his jaw clench, as he tried to breathe in and out. It wasn’t working.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Should I not bring up my very dead family? Was that inappropriate to say that my father is dead I have no memories? My absolute bad! Next time I’ll consider how uncomfortable it makes everyone here. I mean jeez, Harley has a whole family in Tennessee he hasn’t seen since they reappeared. You’ve got two whole families to choose from, Harls! What an accomplishment. And Morgan, well she’s older than I was when my parents died, so she’s definitely on the right track. And wow, I got a whole second set of parents out of May and Ben. Which was great until I watched Ben die. Until I die and find out while my death was temporary, May’s wasn’t. Whenever I want to be with my family I have to go all the way back to Queens and visit the cemetery. But you all just live in the same house. So genuinely, I’m sorry for not considering your emotions about my dead family.”

“Peter...” Tony whispered, reaching his one hand out to Peter.

Peter shook his head, pulling away, he didn’t want to see the empty eyes starring back at him. He didn’t want to acknowledge the way Tony looks at him with regret and how Pepper looks at him like he’s lost. He didn’t want to see how the three that lived through both snaps always held pain in their eyes. And Peter most certainly didn’t want to see Morgan, who had no idea how lucky she is, that she was born never knowing loss.

Peter didn’t want to see a family who was pulled together in a time of pain. He wanted to see his family. Peter wanted to look across the table and see Ben and May throwing little balls of napkins at each other. He wanted to be Harley and be able to go home and see his family whenever he wants. He wanted to be Morgan and do science experiments with his parents. Peter wanted the one thing he didn’t have, something that Harley and Morgan had an abundance of.

“I don’t have a family anymore. I never got to say goodbye to May. I would give up the rest of my life to see them again. And you guys just can’t understand that. You have you family. You get to see them whenever you want. I can’t ever see mine again. I can never go home. They’re gone.”

After all, Peter was just a ghost, another person who returned, who had been dead for too long. He didn’t belong in a world of survivors. Peter was just another person long gone who no longer fits into the world around him.

Taglist: Ask/DM to be added

@peter-is-a-bean @jean-and-diet-coke @dead-inside-pt2 @they-were-cloudsinmycoffee @parkersjiggle @7peternotparker7 @thatonecrackheadshipper @kevinthewoman @faline4you @lynxshinon @narutoyaoifan @pastelwheeler @thecrazymarvelfan @bonjour-gays @thebestqueenoftheworld

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theydontknowaboutusimagines · 5 years ago

Text

The Set Up - Harry Styles One Shot (Part 6)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

The 10th anniversary issue of The Mixtape was now on newsstands and the response from your loyal readers as been amazing. Everyone was taking to social media talking about it and adding their favorite memories. Things in the office were a bit slower now, but there was still plenty of work to do. Booking artists for interviews and covers, pitching article ideas, and new themed issues.

Your relationship was still in the honeymoon phase, but you knew at some point soon that would most likely fade away. Especially since he was starting tour in less than a week. You two still had yet to have a conversation about what it would entail in regards to your relationship. Would there be rules or expectations for one another? Would there be days that go where you two wouldn’t speak? How would you handle a disagreement?

There was so much unknown information that you were a little worried. You had already wrote down every single tour date in your calendar, trying to match up with your own schedule so that you could fly out for a week at a time. You also made sure to note any of his off weeks, so that you didn’t overbook yourself for when he was home.

Mentally, you are prepared to work as hard and as much as you could while he was gone, so that you were able to take off when you needed it. Of course, you knew that you couldn’t work yourself to death, but the motivation was there. You were at the office, going through a hoard of emails when your boyfriend poked his head in the office, holding two cups of coffee and a muffin.

“Hey,�� You smiled getting up from your desk. “What are doing here?”

“Just thought I’d pop in and see my girl,” he smiled. “And bring her a little something.”

“I was just about to grab a refill, so thank you,” you smiled taking one of the cups from him.

“I figured,” he smiled putting his hand on your waist.

You smiled giving him a quick kiss, “So, what’s on your agenda today?”

“I’m having lunch with my sister,” he said leaning against your desk.

“Oh, that’ll be fun,” you said sipping your coffee.

“Yeah, I try to spend a little bit more time with her before tour, since it’ll be a while till I’m able to see her,” he said. “She doesn’t come out on tour much anymore.”

“Hm, that’s nice,” you smiled. “I remember her taking about it being weird for her, not always getting to talk or see you.”

He nodded, “Sometimes the time differences get in the way or our schedules. We at least will text here and there. In fact, sometimes we talk more while I’m tour than when I’m not,” he laughed.

You nodded, “Interesting.”

“Hey, but don’t worry,” he said. “That won’t happen with us. Don’t tell Gem, but I’d much rather talk to you, over her,” he winked.

You laughed, “I will definitely not tell her that or she’ll kick your ass.”

“That she would,” he laughed. “Oh, there is another reason, I stopped by because I talked to my Mum this morning and she wants me to come stay with her for a few days. I usually do that as well before tour, sometimes she comes here and stays with me or Gem, others I go up there. She also wanted me to invite you.”

“Oh, I’d love to go,” you smiled. “But only if you want me to go. I don’t want to impose on a mother son time.”

“You won’t be, besides I feel like she’d be happier spending time with you than me,” he laughed.

“Just let me know the dates and I’ll make sure everything’s good to go here,” you said.

“Will do,” he smiled. “Oh, one more thing and I’ll let you get back to work.”

“Yes?” You giggled.

“Stay over tonight?” He asked. “I missed having my favorite breakfast this morning.”

You looked at him confusion on your face, causing him to laugh, “You, baby,” he smirked.

“Behave!” You laughed.

“It’s true though,” he said. “I have to get it while I can before I have to go without it.”

“Well, when you put it that way,” you smirked wrapping your arms around his shoulder, “I’ll be at your place as soon as I’m finished here.. and who says we have to wait until breakfast.”

“I love the way you think,” he smirked pressing his lips against yours.

Harry left your office and headed straight to where he was meeting his sister. His mind was already thinking what would be taking place that nigh once you arrived at his home and he knew he needed to put that on the back burner before lunch with his sister. So, instead he thought about how your face at looked when he mentioned the tour and lack of communication with his family.

Looking back, he probably shouldn’t have said what he did because while you were trying to hide it he could tell it bothered you. He really need to talk to you about what to expect on tour, but every tour was different, every relationship was different. To be fair, he hadn’t had many experiences with relationships on tour and they all obviously didn’t end well. In the past, he either didn’t have a super serious relationship with someone while on tour or he just didn’t even bother.

That was mostly the younger side of him, still getting used to both the new found limelight and hectic schedule both on and off tour. But he really wanted this relationship to work with you. Going into it, he knew it was mostly a bad idea to pursue anything knowing he was leaving in a few months time, but he couldn’t help it. There was a undeniable connection he felt with you, even if in the beginning he tried to deny it. He could have at easily said he didn’t want it to become serious until he came back, but that wasn’t fair to you or to him.

While he knew he should discuss the tour with you, he was going to keep it to himself a little bit longer. Yes, it was like the pot calling the kettle black because he had been upset with you not telling him about The Mixtape party, but this was different. He was afraid if he told you everything that could go wrong or how hard it could be, that you would freak out and end it before it even began.

However, would that actually be for the best? Would laying it all out there in the beginning, letting you make the choice of sticking it out or walking away, help prevent him from getting his heartbroken yet again? Sure, it would fucking suck, losing you now, but at least it would be before he had fallen head over heels in love with you.

Which, honestly, wouldn’t be too long now. It was crazy to think that way, he knew it. You two were still in the honeymoon phase, so it was mostly infatuation still, but he could honestly say he never felt what he was feeling with anyone else. Even people he dated long term. Maybe it was because you knew his family or maybe it was because you two were “made” for each other.

He didn’t necessarily believe in love at first sight or soulmates, but he did believe that there was someone who fit in your missing piece. Someone who made you feel complete, who standing next to him for years to come, and he could see you as that person. Now, that his mind was a little more clearer he headed into the restaurant grabbing a table for two.

“You’re late,” Harry smirked when his sister finally arrived.

“By two bloody minutes,” she rolled her eyes. “I can count on both hands and foot how many times you’ve been late.”

“I believe that’s a bit of an exaggeration,” he said.

“Except it’s not,” she laughed.

“Anyway, I ordered us drinks,” he said.

“Drinks, or drinks,” she smirked.

“The former,” he said. “No one needs you drunk at eleven am.”

She rolled her eyes shaking her head, “Now, let’s get down business.”

“Let me guess, you’re going to grill me about Y/N this entire time, right?” He sighed dramatically.

“Yeah, I am,” she said. “Neither of you have given me any information! I know you two are seeing each other and you were all lovey fucking dovey at The Mixtape party the other night, so just fucking tell me already.”

“Tell you what?” He smirked. “That we’re fucking?”

“Ew! What? No, I do not need to know that,” she said. “If it was Y/N and anyone else, I’d be all for the details, but not when it’s with my baby brother.”

He laughed shaking his head, “Um, so does this mean she’s talked to you about details of her sexual past before?”

“Yeah, I’m not going there,” she said.

“What? It’s a question. I’m not asking for details. I’d rather not know them, actually,” he said. “I just want to know if you two did talk about that before...”

“Yes, I mean it’s not like we sit down and have a formal tea and chat about it, but it’s been mentioned before usually when drinks involved,” she said.

“Hmpf,” he mumbled.

“Don’t be doing that,” she said.

“Doing what?” He asked all innocently.

“Getting jealous over past relationships,” she said. “It’s not like she’s the only person you’ve shagged either, yet you don’t see her trying to get information.”

“Whatever. I’m not getting jealous, one, and two, I’m not asking for information, I was just asking a simple question,” he said.

“Yeah, and denial is just a big fat river in Egypt,” she rolled her eyes.

“No, by The Nile River is,” he smirked.

“For fuck’s sake, just answer my previous question,” she groaned. “Are you and Y/N together yet?”

“If you’re asking whether she’s my girlfriend, then yes, the answer is yes,” he said.

“Yes! I fucking knew it,” she smirked. “When you two get married, please be sure to thank me. I take cash, checks, gift cards.”

He rolled his eyes, “Shouldn’t you just be happy that both your best friend and brother are happy?”

“Oh, I am. Extremely happy, but I can also be ecstatic that once again I was right,” she smirked.

Harry laughed taking a bite of his just delivered food.

“So, tour,” Gemma said after a bit. “How are you feeling about that?”

“Excited, nervous, the usual feelings,” he said.

“How Y/N’s feeling about the tour?” she asked.

“Um, I don’t really know her exact feelings,” he said. “We’ve not talked about it.”

Gemma sighed looking at him, “You leave next week.”

“I know, I know,” he sighed. “It just hasn’t really come up.”

“Because you haven’t brought it up,” Gemma said. “You need to talk to her about it, ASAP.”

“Why are you so adamant about this?” Harry asked. “Did she say something?”

“Look, I’m not going to get in between the two of you, I promised her I wouldn’t, but I will say this,” she said. “Just talk to her, please. Reassure her that things will be okay and that you two will work things out if they don't.”

“Is she worried it’s not going to work out?” He asked. “Gem, you can’t just tell me this shit half ass, please tell me.”

“Fuck me,” she groaned. “Before the two of you became official, she was a little hesitant on some things when it came to do the tour. She didn’t know how you felt about getting in or having a relationship on tour. She also may have asked about your other relationships and I might have told her there weren’t many to begin with and that the ones that were, there were problems.”

“Bloody hell, Gemma, why would you tell her that?” He sighed.

“Because it’s the truth, which she should have heard for you,” she pointed out. “So, that’s why I’m telling you to just sit down and have an honest conversation with her.”

He sighed sitting back in his seat, “Yeah, I’ll talk to her.”

Harry stared at the food in the skillet as it cooked, his mind wandering off to his talk with his sister. Ever since he left lunch with her, his mind raced with all sorts of thoughts. What if you were second guessing being with him and his fear of you walking out was bound to happen? He also wondered what else you talked to his sister about. He knew she would never break your trust, even if she slightly did during lunch, but if it was anything bigger, he knew she would never spill.

He understood why and he would never intentionally ask or invade your privacy like that, but it still didn’t make the possibilities of conversations lead his mind. He heard the buzzer at the gate, signaling that you had arrived. He had given you the guest code, so you were able to get in, but it still alerted him when someone had arrived. He was thankful for that in that moment because it gave him time to try and clear his mind and put on a front that everything was okay until he had to bring up the topic of conversation.

The doorbell rang, “It’s open!” He shouted from the kitchen.

A few seconds later, the front door opens and he could instantly smell your perfume. He smiled a bit knowing you were there, but deep down there was a feeling in his gut.

“Hey, baby,” you smiled walking into the kitchen. “Dinner is smelling amazing.”

“Thank you,” he smiled. “It should be ready in a bit.”

You smiled wrapping your arms around his waist and given him a kiss, “Hm, how was lunch with Gem?”

“Well, our conversation was centered around you,” he said.

“Ah, so I take you finally told her we’re together?” You asked.

“I did,” he said. “She told me we better thank her if we ever get married,” he laughed.

“She would,” you laughed.

“How was the rest of your day?” He asked. “Everything good at the office?”

“Well, everyone was certainly in good moods thanks to the hoards of coffee, bagels, and muffins, my boyfriend dropped off today,” you laughed.

“Happy everyone enjoyed it,” he smiled.

You kissed his cheek, “Do you need any help?”

“No, I’m good,” he said.

“Okay, then I’m going to go freshen up and change, I’ve had enough of these tight ass for the day,” you laughed.

He smirked, “Your ass definitely looks good in them though.”

You laughed, “I’ll be right back.”

He nodded giving you one more kiss before letting you go and head into the bedroom. He sighed, taking a deep breath before putting the food onto plates and taking it over to the table. Less than five minutes went by when you returned wearing leggings and an old concert t-shirt.

“Just in time,” you smiled sitting down.

“Want some wine?” He asked.

“Actually, I think I’m just going to have some water,” you said.

He nodded bringing over a glass of water before joining you at the table.

Dinner was usually quiet only the sounds of forks clinging and glasses being placed on the table. You could tell something was off and you wondered what had happened between this morning and now. The only thing would be his lunch with Gemma and with him saying they talked about you.

“You know despite Gemma’s previous warning, you aren’t that terrible of a cook,” you smirked looking over at him.

He playfully glared at you with a laugh, but you could tell it was forced. When both of you were finished, you took your plate into the kitchen, “I’ll clean up,” you smiled.

“You don’t-” he said.

“No, I don’t, but I want to,” you smiled. “Then I’ll meet you over on the couch.”

“Okay,” he nodded.

After you finished cleaning up the kitchen, you poured yourself a glass of wine before going over to the couch where Harry was sitting.

“So, you want to tell me what’s bothering you?” You asked turning to face him.

“What do you mean?” He asked sipping his wine.

“You know what I mean,” you said. “You’re acting different, standoffish a little. You barely said anything during dinner and now you won’t even look at me. Did I do something?”

He sighed putting the glass of wine on the coffee table, “I want you to be honest with me, did you think about not pursing a relationship with because of me going on tour?”

“Gemma?” you sighed.

“Don’t-Don’t be upset with her, she didn’t really say those exact words, but I sort of got the feeling that’s where she was going,” he said.

You sighed, “I didn’t say those exact words either,” you said. “We had this conversation before we even got together. It was while you were New York, she asked me how things were going and if I saw us going somewhere. I told her, I didn’t know because I didn’t know if you even wanted it to go somewhere because you would be going on tour.”

“Why would you think that?” He asked.

“I don’t know, I don’t know how that works,” you said. “I mean, maybe you don’t like having to worry about having someone back at home, having to make time to call them or something...”

“What do you mean not worry about having someone back at home?” He asked. “What do you think I fuck around or something?”

“What? No, I don’t-” you said.

“Then what?” He said. “It makes no fucking sense on why you would think I would’t want a girlfriend just because I’m going on tour.”

“Well, in case you forgot, you said it yourself just this morning, that you even have a hard time staying in touch with your family,” you said. “So, it does make sense that I would think you wouldn’t want another person to add to that list.”

“Touring is part of my life, Y/N,” he said. “If I thought that way, then I’d never have a girlfriend, or ever get married unless I quit that part of my life and I don’t ever see myself doing that. Not until I’m dead or people stop coming to my shows, which ever happens first.”

“We had just met, Harry, we had only been on one date and had a few phone conversations,” you said. “How was I supposed to know any of that? I didn’t even know what was going to come of us anyway.”

“Oh, so you didn’t think we’d get together? Why?” He asked.

“Damnit, Harry,” you sighed. “Did you? Listen to yourself, this conversation with Gemma happened months ago. And for the record, you’re worried about that conversation, yet you’ve done nothing in the present to set my mind at ease about you going on tour and what that means for us.”

“What are you worried about?” He asked. “Why are you freaking out about it?”

“Because my boyfriend is about to leave for months on end and I don’t know how often I’ll get to see him or talk to him,” you said. “And that maybe, just maybe, since I won’t be around, he’ll forget about me and all of this will have been for nothing.”

“How can you think that?” He asked. “I don’t know what you’ve experienced before in your past relationships, but I’m not some sort of fucking out of sight, out of mind person. If I’m with you, you’re all I’m thinking about. I don’t care if it’ll be two days or two fucking months since seeing or speaking with you, I will still be thinking about you.”

“You say that now,” you said. “But you don’t know how you’ll feel two months from now.”

He shook his head, “If anyone should be worried about it’s me,” he said. “How do I know that you won’t be the one looking for something else with me gone, huh? You could easily meet someone here, who would sweep you off your feet, someone who could be at your beck and call all the fucking time and not thousands of miles away. So, if there should be anyone worried about being in relationship while I’m tour, it’s me.”

“Oh, so now you think I’m going to be the one who fucks around on you?” You asked.

Harry didn’t say anything, but his silence said enough.

“Wow,” you laughed darkly. “Never once did I think you would actually cheat on me because I trust you, but apparently you don’t trust me. So, you know what, I’m just going to leave and go back to my flat, while you figure you own shit out, but just know, I refuse to be with someone who doesn’t trust me.”

Harry sighed, not saying anything, as your grabbed your bag to leave. You paused at the door, hoping he would say something, but he didn’t, so you walked away.

And he let you.

The next morning you were pissed, beyond pissed, so you got up first thing to head into the gym. Your trainer was there waiting for you with a punching bag and your gloves. You had waited up most of the night, wondering if Harry would call you to talk things over, but not even a single text message was sent your way.

“Rough night?” He asked while he taped up your hand and wrist.

“Didn’t get much sleep,” you sighed.

“So, that’s why I received a text at two in the morning,” he laughed.

“Yep, thought I might need to punch some shit around,” you said.

“That’s what I’m here for,” he smirked. “Just don’t mess up the money maker.”

“I’d never,” you joked. “On purpose, at least.”

Over an hour later, you were drenched with sweat and your muscles were on fire.

“Bloody hell, who pissed you off,” he said shaking his head.

You sighed chugging down some water, ignoring his question.

“Let me guess, boy troubles?” He asked.

“How’d you know?” You said sitting next to him, wiping your face down with a towel.

“I’ve had my share of ‘em,” he laughed.

“I bet,” you laughed.

“So, want to share?” He asked.

“Let’s just say we’re experiencing our first fight,” you said.

“Ah, the honeymoon phase is over,” he said.

“I wouldn’t say completely over, just paused at the moment,” you said.

“Well, punching the shit out of a bag and my hands, will help a bit,” he said. “But you know what actually will help.”

“Sitting around a campfire and talking our shit out?” You scoffed.

“Yes,” he laughed. “And then makeup sex, lots and lots of makeup sex.”

“I take it you’ve had a fair share of that, too,” you smirked.

“Yep,” he grinned.

“I better get going,” you said. “I need to shower, change, and get to the office.”

“And call the boyfriend,” he asked.

“At some point,” you said.

Harry knew he fucked up as soon as you saw you walking out of the door. He knew he should have went after you, brought you back inside, and talked all that shit through. But he didn’t. He knew he should have called you, even texted you, to make sure you got home okay, but he didn’t. He tossed and turned in his bed all night. Your perfume still lingered in the air.

Once the sun lit through his bedroom room, he decided to just get out of bed. He put on some jogger pants, his trainers, and a hoodie before making his way into the kitchen to make himself some coffee. He looked at his phone wondering if you had sent him anything, but there was nothing. Not that he blamed you.

He needed to make this right, if there was ever a chance the two of you to come out of this still together. But first, he needed to clear his mind and to do that he needed to run. He put on some music, grabbed his keys, and headed out. Usually, he just ran a few times throughout his neighborhood, staying close, but that day he ended up running further and further away until he was standing outside of your office building.

It wasn’t entirely too far from his house, but further than he had run one way before. He saw you from the other side of the street, walking up the street, and into the building. He fought the urge to walk over to you for two reasons. He knew talking about last night at your job was not good for either one of you and two because he really wished he could kiss you and make it better.

After realizing he wasn’t going to actually do anything there, he decided to turn around and head back to his house. When he arrived back, he was dripping with sweat, after downing an entire glass and a half of water, he headed up to take a shower. He leaned his hands against the wall as he let the water rush over him. His mind wander to you and the situation again.

He still didn’t know how to make this right, but he knew someone who could help him figure it out.

By that afternoon, Harry had driven to his mother’s house, a few days earlier than planned. He hadn’t told her much, just that he wanted to be there a few days ahead of time. When she had mentioned you, he simply said it was because you couldn’t get off work, which technically wasn’t a lie.

When he arrived, he brought his bags into his room, before meeting his mother in the backyard for some snacks. Harry grabbed some cookies to nibble on while his mother looked over at him.

“What happened?” she said.

“What? Can’t a loving son come and visit his mother without there being anything wrong?” He asked

“Normally, yes,” she said. “But you can’t hide anything from me. I can see it in your eyes that something’s up. Did something happen between you and Y/N?”

He sighed, “We had our first fight last night.”

“I can’t say that I didn’t see that coming,” she sighed.

“Oh, but you and Gemma were just so sure we’re meant to be,” he rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she said. “I meant that the honeymoon, fairy tale love phase doesn’t last forever. All relationships have shit they go though, it’s what makes them grow. You don’t have to tell me what happened in detail if you don’t want to, but I will say the one way this works out for you two is if you talk through it. The way you handle a fight or an argument is what will make or break your relationship.”

“So, you’re saying coming up here was a mistake?” He asked.

“No, I’m not,” she said. “What I am saying, is you should call Gemma and have her bring Y/N up, so you two can talk it out.”

He sighed nodding.

“Now, do it,” she said.

“Yes, Mum,” he said.

Everything happened so fast, you don’t even remember how you got in the car and was on your way up to Anne’s house. All you remember is Gemma calling and telling you to back a bag. Gemma could be very scary and persuasive when she wanted something. You figured it had to with what was going o between you and Harry and while you thought it should stay between the two of you, you knew she wouldn’t know anything about it unless Harry had told her.

At least he was talking to someone about it. What you didn’t see coming was that she was driving you up to Anne’s house, which Anne knew something was up. You didn’t know how this would work between you and Harry if you needed other people to help you work out your shit, especially when it was your first fight. During the drive, neither your or Gemma really said anything.

It felt awkward, but you really didn’t know what to say. You couldn’t exactly blame Gemma for what happened, but part of it was a little bit her fault. When you arrived at Anne’s house, you felt nervous, not sure what you were walking into. Either you would be able to work things out and move on, or things would be over before they even really started. And you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle the latter, especially when your only way back home was either with Gemma or Harry.

Harry’s legs bounced up and down in anticipation as he waited for you to arrive. He wasn’t even sure how it happened, but Gemma was able to get you to come with her. He wasn’t sure how this was going to go or how you would respond to having to sort everything out at his mother’s house. God, he felt like a stupid, immature child, running to his mother’s house.

What if you thought the same way, but surely if you did, you wouldn’t have agreed to come. He heard a car pulling up in the driveway and he knew it was you. Anne had already said she and Gemma would leave for a few hours, so that you two could work this through without an audience. He just hoped that things would get worked out.

The backdoor opened and he turned around seeing you standing there.

“Hey,” he whispered.

“Hi,” you whispered back.

“Um, do you want to have a seat? Want some water or something?” He asked.

You shook your head, “I want to know why I’m here.”

“Because you and I both know we need to talk about what happened last night,” he said.

“And we couldn't have done that in London?” You said. “Or last night? You know instead of just letting me walk out, you had to drive up here and then have your sister bring me up here? What the fuck, Harry!”

“I know! I know, okay, I fucked up,” he said. “Both last night and doing all this, but I just... I needed some time to think and I came up here to see my Mum, since I was already coming up soon anyway. We talked a bit and then I asked Gem if she could get you up here because I figured you wouldn’t come on your own.”

“That’s pretty fucked up you know,” you snapped. “And the fact that you could talk to other people about last night, but not me, how do you think that makes me feel especially after you accused me of being the one to fuck up the relationship.”

“I didn’t fucking say that!” He snapped back.

“Yeah, well maybe not in those words exactly, but the imply was fucking there,” you said.

“For fuck’s sake, I’m trying to make this better between us,” he shouted.

“Well, shit isn’t going to get better unless we actually talk shit through!” You shouted.

“Fine! Fine, if we’re going to talk, can we just stop yelling for five damn minutes!” He sighed.

“Fine,” you said.

“Good,” he responded.

Both of you stood there trying to calm down for a bit. Harry ran his hand through his hair before looking back over at you.

“Look, I’m sorry,” he said. “for everything, I know that’s not going to make everything go away, but-”

“It’s a start,” you sighed.

“I know,” he nodded.

“Did you really mean it?” You asked. “Do you really think I would just forget about you and find someone else?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” he sighed.

You sighed walking closer to him placing your hand on his shoulder. The closer you got, you could see the hurt, worry, and tears in his eyes.

“I like you,” you whispered. “A lot.. hell, more than I’ve probably liked anyone, this fast before. When I’m with you, I’m happy. You make me laugh, you make me smile, you make me feel stupid butterflies in my stomach. There is no one else that could ever make me feel like that and even if there was, I wouldn’t want them. I only want you.”

“You say that now,” he whispered.

“Yeah, I do,” you said. “And I’m going to say that tomorrow and the next day and probably in the next two months and beyond that. Neither of us know what’s going to happen the future, that’s why we have to trust one another and communicate with each other, we’ll be set.”

He put his hands on your face, looking into your eyes, “I know I overreacted, but I just... the thought of losing you scares the shit out of me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone and I don’t want to lose how I feel whenever I’m around you or think about you.”

“You’re not going to lose me,” you whispered. “Not unless you keep saying stupid shit,” you laughed a bit.

He laughed a smile tugging at his lips before placing his forehead against yours, “And you’re not going to lose me, either. I’m not going to forget about you, I could never,” he whispered.

“Well, I am pretty rememberable,” you smirked.

He laughed, “A little bit, yeah.”

“I think we both know it’s more than a little bit,” you smirked.

“Does this mean we’re okay?” He whispered pushing hair away from your face.

“It means we’re going to be okay,” you whispered. “I can’t just get over it and I don’t expect you to either, but this is a start that we need to get over it.”

He nodded, “I’m sorry I made you come up here... If you want to go back to London, I’ll pay for you to go back.”

“No, it’s okay,” you said. “I don’t mind staying unless you don’t want me too.”

“I want you to stay,” he smiled.

You nodded, “So, um... Gem said her and your mum were leaving for a few hours,” you said.

“Yeah, Mum wanted to give us space to talk it out,” he said.

“Well, we’ve only used about an hour and half for this conversation... so I’d assume they won’t be back for at least another hour or so, right?” You smirked.

“I’d assume you’re right,” he said. “Where are you going with this?” He laughed.

“Why don’t you take me up to the bedroom and find out,” you smirked.

“Are you sure?” He asked. “We don’t-”

“Oh, well, I mean... if you’re not hungry, we can just sit on the couch, watch netflix or something,” you said innocently.

“Fuck that,” he laughed picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” You laughed holding onto his shirt. “I could have walked.”

“Just getting you used to this mode of transportation ,” he smirked. “Because you won’t be able to walk by the time we’re finished.”

“That a promise?” You smirked.

“Oh, I always keep my promises, babe,” he said.

And with that you both went up to his the bedroom, where he fact, kept his promise, which would eventually make for an awkward family dinner later that night.

Sooo... I’m thinking the next part will be the set up for him going on tour and then maybe having a second serious of them dealing with being on tour together... what do y’all think?

#One Direction Imagines #Harry Styles Imagines #Harry Styles One Shot

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krokonoko · 5 years ago

Text

Lacho fake marriage AU outline

@sob-dylan after your messages I spent the entire day thinking about that Lalo/Nacho fake dating/marriage AU and while I can’t give this fandom the 30 chapter slow burn fanfic it deserves, I can give you my rundown of one!

Lalo’s an ambitionless spoilt little brat in his mid 40’s who always thought he could just coast through life, party and have a good time and fuck whoever he wants. Which was the case, until he screws up really bad and it’s revealed to everyone in no unclear details that he’s gay as the night is dark. He thought it wouldn’t be a big deal, that tio Hector would just turn a blind eye to it like he usually does. But this time, it’s different, and Lalo is running danger of getting disowned - in a best case scenario.

And that… actually hurts Lalo. Pissed and sulky that his own family, who he’d do everything for, is so ready to just throw him out over something as trivial as this, he actually starts developing some ambition. They wanna disown him? They won’t be able to, if he’s their boss. He’s gonna show them. He’s gonna show them all.

So he actually starts rivalling Hector’s son for position of Don Hector’s successor. (I’d say Hector never ended up in a wheelchair cuz he’d lend himself perfectly for an antagonistic power in the story.) There’s just one problem: Lalo’s got to be married for the job. Now he COULD just get himself a fake girlfriend - or he could piss everyone who spurned him off even more and get married to a guy. Now all he needs to do is find a man whom he trusts completely, who can handle himself in sticky situations, and who is ready to set foot into the lion’s den that is the Salamanca family and the cartel business.

What better candidate than dear Ignacio.

Nacho is of course not exactly enthusiastic about the proposal, and no promises of material wealth will change his mind. So Lalo strikes a deal with him. Complete immunity for Nacho and his dad, protection from within and outside of the Salamanca family, even after their business has concluded. Which it will, after Lalo has reached his goals, and then Nacho is free to go his merry way. Nacho agrees, under one more condition: Any physical affection happening between them is purely for show, and the moment they are in private, he will NOT let Lalo lay a single finger on him. He’s no hooker, and he will most definitely not become Lalo’s little plaything.

They shake hands on it, and before Nacho knows it, he’s in Mexico, at the Salamanca’s place, and the wedding preparations are already underway. Oh my god this would be my fav part because Nacho would be introduced to Lalo’s buddies, cuz you KNOW he’s got a huge circle of syccopha- I mean friends at home that he hangs out with all day. They laugh at all his jokes and they play poker with him and Lalo has missed them SO MUCHHH. Anyway, this would be. SUCH a good opportunity. To come up with some female Salamancas. Does Lalo have sisters? WHAT ABOUT LALO’S MOM. I WOULD FUCKING LOVE to read about Lalo’s mom. I bet she’s amazing, just as much of a spoilt little drama queen as he is, and Lalo is a TOTAL mommy’s boy, no one can convince me otherwise. (Maybe his dad has been out of the picture for a while, cuz I would really like to push this whole Hector-is-Lalo’s-father-figure angle.)

ANYWAY, back to Lalo and his mom. She’s a tough as nails lady, lofty and reserved, but overly protective of her son. They’re super close and affectionate with each other and it’s so weird for Nacho to see cause he thinks it’s the first time that he sees Lalo with someone that he seems to. Genuinely… CARE about?? Except for Hector, that is. But mamá is not a huge fan of Lalo getting married to Nacho, she can’t understand what the FUCK her son is doing there, she begs him to PLEASE stay under the radar with his caprices and tries to talk him out of it.

This in turn only goads on Lalo. He’s getting more and more tired of the way he’s being treated. It’s not that he actually has enough social awareness to deplore his family’s homophobia. For him, this is personal. He’s been a good boy, he’s loved his family and been loyal to them all his life, he’s kept his desires on the down low for all these years, now they’re turning on him because of one measly slip up?? He’s fed up, betrayed, and he’s gonna show them. And totally not win back their respect or anything, this is not what this is about at all, noooo~

There would of course be more Salamancas, most of them taking issue with the marriage, but I do absolutely adore the idea of overly supportive Tuco!! Just THINK about it, everyone greeting the newly married couple awkwardly or even with slight hostility, only Tuco barrels in like “YEEAHHH, where’s my favorite cousin?? You and my man here? You be good! Nacho, you’ll do good by Lalo, right? Riiiight!” And everyone grows more uncomfortable by the minute while Tuco can’t read a room for shit and he’s having SUCH a ball, he’s so PUMPED it’s not even funny.

There’d be all this tension between Nacho and the other Salamancas in the weeks after the wedding, it would be glorious.

And of course there’s the matter of Nacho and Lalo having to pretend they’re married for. Other reasons than a cold and calculated agreement. They don’t spend their entire day together, both taking care of various dealings. Nacho gets incorporated in the Salamanca’s business this side of the border and proves himself just as much of a reliable associate as he has been up North.

But whenever possible, they have to have dinner together, breakfast together, and sleep in the same bed. Fortunately, they’re both professional enough to arrange themselves with the situation quickly. Lalo is sometimes a bit flirty about it, but when Nacho makes clear that he doesn’t appreciate the come-ons, Lalo backs off.

Of course Lalo still reserves his right to fuck whoever he wants, just that he has to go back to being absolutely stealth about it. Only Nacho and his lovers know about it, and it’s not that Nacho disagrees with anything that’s happening, he’s not enough into Lalo to get jealous (yet), but this is starting to look a little bit weird to him, especially when he finds out that this is how it’s been for Lalo all his life.

Nacho doesn’t understand much about social awareness either, but he knows a repressed gay when he sees one. He gets all these insights into Lalo’s life, into how he grew up, and Nacho can’t help feeling at least the slightest bit of sympathy for how Lalo had to deny himself his entire life. Him being bi wasn’t always easy either, but at least he’s not a Salamanca! …Or at least, he didn’t use to be. Maybe Nacho talks about it to some of Lalo’s buddies, some of who maybe have even known Lalo since childhood, and who have seen him struggle with this all his life.

Just… UGH, this would be the perfect opportunity to explore just how much self-denial and internalized phobias have wreaked havoc in Lalo’s head! Because if you try to approach this from Lalo’s PoV, he’s not gonna see it at ALL. A river in Egypt, baby, that’s where Lalo is about this. He’s fine, he’s FINE, he’S F I N E, he didn’t have dreams about tio Hector shooting him in the face as a kid after that incident in the desert back when he was ten, no, he’s fine, HE’S FINE!!! But his buddies? They’re probably not the princes of social graces either, but they have EYES and maybe one or two of them give enough of a shit about Lalo to actually have noticed what’s going on, and it would be so good to have them reveal that knowledge to Nacho!

So while Nacho starts seeing Lalo in a slightly different light (we’re talking VERY slightly, repressed gay or not, he’s still a murderous sociopath), but still, there’s part of him that grows protective over Lalo. They spend a couple of months together, and Nacho is starting to settle. He only has one half of a bed instead of a whole one, but other than that, the tasks are much the same as they used to be, the goddamn luxury in which he’s suddenly living doesn’t hurt either, and it’s almost scary how easy it is to get used to all of this.

Lalo’s PDAs don’t bother him, and neither do the hostile stares. This is his role, and he’s gonna play it. There would be so much time and space for lots of power play between Nacho and Hector here, or Nacho and the other Salamancas, and it would be a thing of beauty. They live their lives under the ever watchful and suspicious eyes of Hector Salamanca, and Nacho and Lalo are starting to form an excellent team. No one can really do anything against them cuz their work is solid as all hell, and Nacho’s growing more confident by the minute.

There’s just one problem, and that’s the fact that Lalo behaving all respectful towards him and the casual kisses they sometimes share to keep up appearances are kinda starting to linger on Nacho’s mind. Lalo takes actions that show Nacho that he was being absolutely serious about protecting him as part of their deal, and Nacho can’t remember the last time someone protected him.

Nacho becomes a bit less strict about the no-body-contact-in-private policy, lets Lalo give him a massage when he’s all tense and returns the favor, and it’s not lost on him that Lalo does express some signs of attraction towards him, though he explains it away with Lalo just being. You know. Lalo.

There’s just one problem. It’s been forever since Nacho has seen Manuel, and Nacho really feels like he should check up on him. But he knows it’s against their agreement for him to just go back to New Mexico whenever he feels like it. So he offers a mutual breaching of their rules: Lalo lets Nacho go to New Mexico for a couple of days, and in return, Nacho will sleep with Lalo. This is of course an offer that Nacho makes while already climbing into Lalo’s lap, just to hasten the decision making.

But after letting Nacho squirm for a second, Lalo declines. He gently pushes Nacho away and says that tio Hector wouldn’t be happy at all if Nacho just ran off like that. Why don’t they just take a little vacation together? And Nacho is like: “A vacation. In New Mexico.” And Lalo is like “Yeah idk either we’re gonna be bored out of our damn minds!” And Nacho actually laughs. He’s not happy about having to take Lalo with him, but it’s better than nothing.

So they go to New Mexico together, which officially counts as a road trip and I am a very happy boy. There’s gonna be endless mariachi songs and Lalo singing along, fun for everyone! They rent a little vacation home in Abq for a couple days, and Nacho invites Manuel over for dinner. Nacho is super nervous beforehand, but Lalo talks him down, tells him about how his cooking will immediately convince Manuel that he’s got himself the perfect son in law, and Nacho almost appreciates the sentiment - if only it were that easy.

Lalo lets Manuel in, and the most awkward dinner of all time ensues. Lalo aggressively tries to make conversation while Manuel and Nacho eat their food in complete silence, the tension between them so thick you could cut it with a knife. After the main course, Lalo excuses himself to, idk, look after the dessert that he left out on the patio table to cool.

Finally, Nacho asks Manuel how the shop is, and Manuel is preeetty taciturn, just says yeah, it’s fine, and then Manuel opens his mouth and he’s just. So aghast at. Everything transpiring in front of him. Ignacio, what is going on here. You went to Mexico? Got married? To a man your dad’s never even seen? And half a year later you suddenly show up and wanna have dinner together?

And Nacho knows he is kidding himself if he thinks this is just magically gonna fix anything, but he just wanted to make sure his dad is okay. And concerning the man he married… well. He said who he is, right?

But Manuel’s like, he said his name was… Lalo?

And it finally dawns on Nacho that Manuel’s got no clue who he’s having dinner with. And Nacho just. Puts his face in his hands as if he could just hide, from this conversation, from his dad, from everything, and he murmurs: “Eduardo Salamanca.”

And his dad, he’s so deeply shocked, he just stares, and in that moment it really hits Nacho that through all these months of getting accustomed and settling in, through all the calculating and scheming that’s ruled his mindset day after day, he has forgotten who it is that he shares a bed with every night, even if it’s just symbolical.

“Salamanca”, he hears his dad repeat incredulously, and it’s like he’s seen this all before and he wants to say it, he wants to say that he’s doing all this just for his papá, but he can’t, and no matter what he does he won’t win his father’s love back, especially not with stunts like this, and when Manuel gets up to leave, Nacho can only follow him half-heartedly and watch him drive away into the night from the door, until his taillight vanishes in the dark.

Along comes Lalo, all chipper and acting completely clueless, like, what have I missed? Oh, your dad left so soon? What a shame, now he’s gonna miss dessert! But Nacho’s not listening, he’s leaving, getting his car keys, and Lalo… actually lets him.

Nacho just needs a couple of hours alone, driving through his hometown, and he’s lucky there’s so little traffic cuz he can barely see through the blur that’s suddenly befallen his vision, and he drives, and drives, past his old school, past Tampico Furniture, until it’s late in the night.

When he gets back, Lalo’s fallen asleep on the couch, and Nacho crawls on top of him, and starts kissing him, and he just doesn’t care, he needs this right now, he’s just desperate for something, anything.

Of course it doesn’t mean shit. It was just what Nacho needed, nothing more, nothing less. And when Lalo offers a little trip the next day, Nacho is glad to have something take his mind off of last night. Not that it was bad. Quiiite the opposite. He still has bite marks all over his neck and when he sees Lalo hop under the shower he notices the dark red streaks all the way down his back and uhm YES that is a THING that Nacho FEELS and MAYBE he just bit his lip at the sight but yeah. MAYBE he hit rock bottom yesterday night and then proceeded to have the most mindless, hottest sex of his entire life. Maybe. I just need Lalo and Nacho to be so sexually compatible in all the best and most horrible ways.

They take the trip back and somehow, with every mile away from Abq, Nacho’s dark thoughts dissipate a little bit more, as he returns into a world where he understands the problems, and he can handle them, and he’s in control, and he doesn’t owe anyone any explanations or emotional debts.

This is where all the dramatic shit could happen, like Nacho taking on harder jobs, going on a shootout with the twins, or Lalo getting back from a deal gone wrong, or them having to pull off some dangerous stunt together, and there’s bullets flying and blood and injuries and fretting over the other one’s life and pulling each other out of harm’s way and don’t you dare die on me we still haven’t reached our goal yet we’ve come so far godDAMNIT DON’T YOU DARE!

And when Nacho wakes up, bandages all over, he expects to be alone, but instead there’s Lalo, who’s fallen asleep by his bedside, and. It makes Nacho feel all sorts of things, but he’s not ready, not yet, to acknowledge this. Also he’s just seen Lalo shoot three guys while grinning like a maniac so that’s a thing.

Nacho’s in it for the long haul now, and he stays with Lalo through hardships and dangers. He eliminates every threat to Lalo effectively and efficiently and helps him on his rise to power. When someone schemes against Lalo, Nacho sniffs it out and saves him. When Hector or his son have plans to move against Lalo, Nacho’s there to thwart them.

In time, the violent lifestyle he’s exposed to affects him less and less outwardly, though it doesn’t stop leaving marks on his psyche. Days blend together, and Nacho alternates between a life of domesticity and that of a crime lord with ease now. And when he beats a guy that he was supposed to torture into revealing information into a bloody pulp because his mind has turned into scorching rage against absolutely everything and everyone, when he wrests the canister from Lalo’s hand, douses the entire house in gasoline and flicks the match in with a dark and merciless glint in his eyes, it only takes until they’re back by the car that Lalo shoves him on the backseat and kisses him so hard and deep it feels like he’s drowning, the smell of gasoline and ash still fresh on their skin.

Idk whether Hector dies of natural causes, or whether Gus swoops in as a final boss to take care of him, but after Lalo and Nacho have reached their goal, and they could end it, they find new aims, like taking down Don Eladio, taking down Gus, new excuses, just like Nacho has always found excuses not to run away from the Salamancas. Lalo and Nacho are both uprooted and looking for closure, through the years, they’ve grown closer than they ever anticipated, know each other better than anyone else.

And without realizing it, Nacho himself is slowly turning more and more into a true Salamanca.

#Lacho #Nacho Varga #Lalo Salamanca #Better Call Saul #BrBa BCS #my fanfiction #not exactly but I'm still gonna tag it #cw: canon typical violence

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themoonsings · 4 years ago

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Wanted Connections !!

here’s a list of some wanted connections i’d really like! i’ll likely add more since i made this during my lunch break from work/meetings. all of these are open to all genders except her bandmates/groupmates wc since it’s a girl group!

Friendship/Platonic

nothing else matters like us - her groupmates/bandmates. you can find other info on the wanted connections page on the main. still don’t have a name for her girl group yet but basically she’s known these girls since they were all little kids. none of them grew up rich or famous and before they were celebrities, they were best friends. it was luna’s idea to start the band and they’ve been through a lot together since, breaking records and barriers in the industry. they are the hottest girl group in the world. they’ve been dropping albums since they were teens and together for seven years now. they each do some of their own small projects on the side but have since remained dedicated to the group. despite rumors of disbandment and doubts that they would even make it this far, they’ve absolutely thrived. luna considers them her sisters and she works hard to make sure they’re constantly doing their best and staying at the top of their game. they’re currently working on their 5th studio album. there’s one fact that’s been worrying her recently: they made a pact that if one of them ever wanted to leave/go completely solo, they would end the group altogether so as never to hold one another back.

so true, bestie - while she considers her bandmates to be her first/childhood friends and sisters, this person just...gets luna. they’re super close and just click. maybe they even live together or share an apartment, not ‘cause they need the money but just ‘cause they like being roomies and don’t like having a giant place to themselves. they confide in one another, look out for one another, and stick up for one another. and they’re also not afraid to tell eachother how it is.

you’re my celebrity - someone who’s newer in the industry and isn’t as big that either is a fan of luna’s or looks up to her in some way and doesn’t know as much about the industry. she’s been in it since she was a teen and is more than happy to take them under her wing. they struck up a friendship like that and both learn and grow in it.

you make me make bad decisions - party pals, chaos cousins, double trouble--whatever you wanna call it, when these two get together, hijinx ensues. something about this character makes luna wanna get a lil wild, ‘cause a lil trouble, kick ass and take names. nothing super super crazy but definitely more fun than most people expect from the likes of luna song.

Romantic/Sexual

i’ve been in love with you for ages - ( inspired by Me & You Together song by the 1975 ) they’ve known eachother since luna was first starting out in the industry (maybe even longer) and they were really close friends, doing everything together talking about whatever, whenever, and they just...have always clicked. luna realized she was falling first and let your character know and for whatever reason, maybe because they were still in love with someone else or in denial or w/e they rejected her--said they didn’t like her like that. they were able to move past it and still be close friends but now, your character’s gotten their head out of their ass, have looked up and seen...her. that it was her and it’s always been her but...they don’t know how to tell luna. or if she’ll even feel the same now. but that doesn’t stop them from pining, flirting, maybe even getting a lil jealous when she’s spotted with other people. will they work up the courage to tell her how they really feel?

i hate your guts // i just wanna f*ck - it’s a well-known hollywood public secret that these two cannot be in the same room together without biting eachother’s heads off. argument after argument that neither refuses to lose, this person is everything luna hates about hollywood and, well, humanity. until they figured out there is one way they can stand to be in a room together for more than five minutes--as long as they’re naked. one time could be written off as a drunken mistake. twice as a momentary lapse of judgement but at this point...luna would be mortified if anyone knew the amount of times, and the amount of things, they’ve done together. but that doesn’t stop her with replying with “come through” at every “you up” text. ( could turn romantic or could just be strictly sexual )

that moment when you see your fake-ex in public - your character was pretty prolific to have struck up a fake romance with luna. she does her best to make smart career moves and she was a really good fake gf--kept her affection professional, creative with the set-up of romantic public gestures, rightfully outraged when the paparazzi caught “private” moments of them. the reason for their fake break-up was mutually decided upon and no one was the wiser. maybe they stayed good friends afterward or maybe they’re just people who see one another, take quick pics at events, and brush elbows casually.

the ex-files - actual exes that luna had real relationships with. maybe luna wasn’t serious, maybe they weren’t. maybe it was amicable, maybe it was fraught. maybe they couldn’t get their act together enough to be luna’s one or maybe they just couldn’t believe in themselves the way luna believed in them. maybe it was a mistake they were together, maybe it was a mistake they broke up. basically any type of exes plotline where they were dating and now they’re not.

Other

the lost notebook - ( inspired by dash & lily, stuck in the suburbs ) luna’s notebook she takes everywhere with her. it’s where she jots down all the ideas and imaginings of her head when she’s inspired on the go, be it song lyrics, poetry, thoughts, quotes she likes, or observations she thinks could be useful in her creative process. she likes the tangibility of writing them in an actual notebook and the fact that she hasn’t lost it before now is nothing short of miracle. except...her luck seems to have run out. she lost her notebook and freaking out is an understatement. your character is the one who finds it, though they have no idea it belongs to her. maybe she left a phone number or secret email in the front to trace it or maybe she re-traces her steps and your character has left it back where they found it albeit with a note or challenge of some sort. but regardless, they end up striking up an unlikely relationship via the notebook (or more likely a new notebook they use just for that purpose ‘cause bby girl poured her soul into this one). neither still knows who the other is. maybe they trade thoughts/ideas or lyrics back and forth or maybe they trade different dares or challenges but they really seem to be getting on. only problem is, they don’t technically know who one another is and they both do and don’t want to find out--if they do, maybe they can actually get to know one another but...it could also ruin everything ( this could turn romantic or just be platonic )

50k for a verse, no album out - basically your character and luna are either currently or were previously working together professionally. this could be her writing one or a few of their songs, them being featured on one of her band’s albums or working to be featured on their current one, her being featured on their single or album, or even her ( or her and her bandmates ) guest starring in one of their movies or shows. they could even be writing a cute lil duet or something together.

this city ain’t big enough for the both of us - rivals. tbh luna can’t stand them and she finds their mere existence so offensive that she’s not above getting petty about it, because girl can be competitive. maybe they were co-stars or collaborators whose relationship went south or maybe it was hate at first sight and the edges of their personalities just rub wrong. or maybe they used to be good friends but something happened and that got wrecked.

#{ &&. wanted connections. }

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brooken-tcc · 4 years ago

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Isabella

I didn't enjoy being a charity case, but I was grateful for it.

I grew up poor, hell, I am poor. Growing up in a neighborhood like mine, you learn to look out for yourself. And you either learn how to run, or learn how to fight. I chose running.

I had a total of six siblings, but only four were alive. One brother was killed during a drug deal at the age of 20, when I was still in the womb, and one sister was shot in front of her school when I was two, she was 13. I had two more older brothers, both in jail now. Two younger brothers, both already in trouble, despite being 13 and 15. My mother worked on the streets all my life and I've never met my father.

And yet, I was here at Townsend, living a luxurious life, opportunities being thrown at me. I was lucky, and I knew that. I was not going to be shot at the entrance, not going to be working on the streets, and was for sure not going to bring any more people into this world.

I didn't have many friends at school, because everyone knew who I was. The "charity girl."

Penelope was different. She got me. She wasn't here with a scholarship, her parents were loaded like everybody else's, but she was a type of charity case that I believed to be worse than mine.

She was adopted, and not for the right reasons. As I said, I am not going to give birth, but I will have kids, I will give some unfortunate kids the chance to grow up in a loving, safe environment. But Pen? She wasn't loved. Yes, she was safe, she got everything she needed and twice more, but she always knew her place in the family, and it was lower in status than the lap dog.

Her parents disgusted me. Rich white couple who popped out two kids, one boy and one girl as it is written in the big book, raised them via help, then bought a dog to keep them entertained as the kids went off to uni. But you know what sounds cool? Adopting a dog. That's something people will praise you for. And while you're at it, why not adopt two girls of color, you know, just to say you're a good person? It will look great on paper, and even you will believe you're a saint. And they did.

But Pen and Leela? They never once felt at home, they were as excluded as they could be. She didn't think it was worse than letting them live in foster care, but I wasn't so sure.

I knew what it was like to be excluded from your family, and it sucked. Ever since I started at Townsend, my own mother called me names and my own brothers stole my things, my things I earned with hard work. And it really, really sucked. I couldn't imagine living that way my entire life.

"You can see your boyfriend every day now." I teased Pen.

Owen didn't put me on the team, but that's what I wanted. I couldn't have lacrosse interfere with track and field, and most definitely didn't have money to cover the expenses. Also, I knew I was shit. Only reason I tried out was for Pen, she didn't want to be alone, and I kinda figured I'd fail the try outs anyway.

I wanted to be here, but I needed to be there.

"Come on!" She pushed me. She didn't like when I joked about him, I think she was somewhat in denial.

She thought she was just a little attracted to him, but I knew she had big ass crush on that man. I could understand why, both from the fact that he was a fine man, very charismatic, but also from the fact that she longed for a loving relationship with an adult man.

I guess I did too, I was just more aware of it and chose to work against it. Also, Owen wasn't really my type, as a person. He was kind of a dick.

I noticed Pen's look lingering on Brooke Donovan, and giggled to myself. She was so jealous.

"Should we kill her?" I murmured laughing and she didn't answer, just kept on staring. "I'll take that as a yes. You know, maybe you should try and talk to her. See what she is really like."

Brooke wasn't that bad. She was stupid, that's no doubt, but she wasn't as mean as Pen and I put her out to be.

She was Leela's best friend after all, she had to have been a good person. She was actually one of the few people that weren't mean to me, but because her friends were, I usually associated her with them. I knew it was wrong, but yes, sometimes I was using her to channel my hate into one person. I couldn't hate the entire school after all. But I was conscious about it and I knew I didn't hate her. I just liked acting like I did.

And she was stupid after all, so it's not like she didn't deserve it. She had so many opportunities, so much going for her. She was top of her class and a great athlete, she actually deserved to be here, unlike many other girls, yet she wasted her time doing drugs and hooking up with the boy's school guys, or now even with staff? Pretty fucking stupid if you ask me.

"I've talked to her just enough, thank you." Pen groaned and I could understand why, I just wished she could see behind her emotions sometimes.

"Hey girls." Owen walked up to us. "Excited for the season?" He started chatting and I let Pen talk to him.

I only interfered when she needed help, otherwise it was her chance to connect with the man.

#tc #tcc #tc community #teacher crush community #teacher crush #teacher crush story #wattpad #brookenst #brooken #teacher #imagine #writing #boarding school

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ambitionsource · 4 years ago

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Hey Asher what’s your family like?

Hi! My family is pretty great, all things considered. Like, we’re not perfect, but I get along with both my parents and my sister and we all respect each other, which I know can’t be said for all of my friends.

So my dad, Levi, is this quiet, thoughtful architect type. I think I take the most after him. We’re pretty close, as far as typical father-son dynamics go. Like I don’t think he exactly... understands me, but he does get me in ways that other people don’t (like figuring out my eye for design before I even figured it out for myself). He’s a good dad, we just don’t really know how to like... talk to each other. About like “important” things. Like I don’t talk to him at all about the details of my relationship with Dylan, not that I think he would care, it just... feels weird. And I think he’s fine maintaining that comfortable emotional distance. It’s not like Dylan and Randall, where Dyl like tells his dad everything. Sometimes I’m a little jealous of that, but ultimately I like how things are with my dad. No complaints, at least.

My dad is also really good at balancing out my mom, Emily. She’s fine, don’t get me wrong, and she’s a good mom. But the question of who I got my neurotic side from has a very obvious answer. Which is ironic since she’s like, a psychology professor with a PhD and three degrees and a license to practice psychiatry if she wanted, so you’d think she’d have her own anxious tendencies under control. But I guess it’s that sort of thing where you’re in denial about your own flaws to try and fix everyone else’s (and I can’t act like I don’t relate to that). I can’t fault her either, because her family... that side of our family is so fucked up. They’re like, white and wealthy and have all these high expectations about what we should be like. My grandmother is a stalwart Republican who voted for Reagan and carries a lot of those... dated opinions with her. So considering my mom was raised in that environment, and is kind of the black sheep... I’m lucky. I’m glad she is the way she is. She got a lot of heat for marrying my dad (for love), because he’s half-Mexican, and of course my grandparents didn’t say that was the problem, they chose that he’s an artist instead (but like, he’s an architect. That’s a pretty thin argument).

Suffice to say, I have not come out to my grandmother, or anyone on that side of the family. Except I have this evil cousin who basically keeps trying to out me every single time we go visit, but that’s mainly to cover for his own sexuality... it’s such a clusterfuck. I get heated just thinking about it. Dylan likes to say it’s like an HBO soap opera. I can’t wait until my mom finally gives up trying to maintain cordiality and we stop going and/or my grandmother finally bites it.

Anyway, that’s probably way more than you were asking for. I get too talkative past midnight. Moving on.

So my mom and I have a good relationship, overall, but we tend to butt heads more than anyone else in my family. This is because we’re both neurotic, and because she is still trying to unlearn some of those more pompous beliefs or expectations that her family instilled in her. Like, I remember one of the biggest fights we ever had -- at least, big to me -- was like... a year or so into me and Dylan dating, I overheard her telling my dad that she didn’t think we would last that long and Dylan was cute, and nice and all that, but she didn’t see what I really saw in him. So naturally, I got pissed, and informed her that I overheard and thought it was a load of bullshit. She just still has a lot of those like... pretentious things in her, like thinking that just because Dylan isn’t some hyper-genius intellectual bore that I would get sick of him and seek someone out who could “keep up” with me. I know she didn’t have bad intentions, but I still get mad when I think about it. Like, Dylan is... the idea that I would ever get sick of... he’s exactly what I need. It’s just... ugh. Whatever, doesn’t matter. I told her I’d prove her wrong, and she said okay, and here I am proving her wrong two years later. I think she’s accepted it at this point though, and to be clear she does really like Dylan, especially now that he’s had time to grow on her. But those are the kind of spats we get into now and then.

Then I have a sister, Lily, who is two years younger than me. She’s chill, and a lot cooler than me. I feel lucky to have a sibling who I feel comfortable with and I know knows that she can come to me for anything. I think all in all, we have a good sibling dynamic. She 100% knows that Dylan sneaks in every night and doesn’t rat me out, so I at least have to thank her for that.

Well, now that I’ve sufficiently overshared... I hope that answered your question.

#ct: asher garcia s3 #s3 ct #answered #asher garcia #Anonymous #ask and you shall receive

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twoidiotwriters1 · 5 years ago

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Starcrossed Losers X (Josh Wheeler xReader)

A/N: How was your Christmas? Hopefully, it went better than Y/N’s day on this chapter lmao don’t forget to leave feedback! <3

Words: 4,947

Warnings: Injuries and swearing, feelings and stuff.

Previous chapter // Next chapter

Today I’m gonna tell you a little story about how I’m full of shit. Delicately divided into three parts for your enjoyment.

It’s pretty much all the same, the only thing that changes is the person.

Alex.

Josh.

Let’s start with the first part, shall we? Which is called:

Confusion.

Before the nuke, my life was as normal and sad as any random teenager would have it. I was a student with good parents who didn’t really understand me, but they tried. A sibling, friends, likings and feelings. It was the latter what caused me trouble.

Alex and I met in elementary school. He sat down next to me and we shared our undying love for Adventure Time and Treasure Planet. During years our friendship consisted on knowing all of our embarrassing stories, coping our answers on every test and a bunch of firsts. He was there when I got my first period, and I witnessed Alex’s first drunken night with friends.

It was when I talked to Maya that everything kind of started to fall apart.

----------------------------------------------

My ears are buzzing, I feel my eyes dry and irritated. I know I passed out although I don’t feel like I slept, if anything, I’m more tired than before. I try to push myself up but my wrist hurts and I’m not strong enough. I fall against a thin pillow and only then I look around.

There’s nothing but cages with teens, I recognize some from school. Judging by the smell, we are in Hoyles’ fabric. I was right, this was Baron Triumph’s home.

My hand pulsates as a reminder of how screwed I am.

‘Is it broken or is it just sprained?’ The light sucks in here, I can’t really tell how it looks so I inhale sharply, ‘Okay, then...’

I move my wrist slowly to one side and then the other. I feel pain, lots of pain. But I can move it, so chances are is not broken. As long as I don’t move, I’ll be fine. I struggle to sit with only one hand as support and notice my skates are missing and my knee has a huge bruise on it.

I know I’ll die.

-------------------------------------------

We were thirteen at the moment. It wasn’t like I knew right away that I liked Alex, I just got slightly upset every time he would hold hands with Amy and sad whenever he would cancel plans to hang out with her. You can imagine how betrayed I felt.

“You’re just jealous,” Maya sighs, laying upside down on my bed.

“Of who?” I ask in amusement, “I already told you, I don’t want a boyfriend.”

“You want Alex.”

I laugh, kicking her leg playfully.

“That’s a lie. And dumb,” I reply matter-of-factly, “he’s just my friend!”

“Exactly. Please, you’re too shy to admit you like him but we all know.”

“Liar,” I sing, “Alex and Amy are cute together and all, just annoys me that he doesn’t want to spend more time with us.”

“That doesn’t sound like you’re crushing at all,” She rolls her eyes, smirking.

“Shut up!” I complain, “that doesn’t mean I like him!”

It didn’t... right? I started to recapitulate all of our time together. Alex was a great boy. He was good to me and my family loved him, why was so weird to consider him as a possible love interest? Maybe Maya was right. I did like him and this was my way cope with it.

“Maya,” I say under my breath, “what if I do like him?”

“Oh my god,” She stands up abruptly, “you do!”

“What do I do?” I ask in horror, “I don’t wanna ruin it! He’s my best friend!”

“Who cares?” She replies, “It’s time you do something about it!”

-----------------------------------------------

Something falls inside the bucket in front of me and I stand (with huge difficulty, since I only have one good hand and knee), when I get closer and grab a handful the smell grows stronger, so I drop the flakes on the ground in disgust.

“Am I supposed to eat this?” I ask out loud, “I’ll rather starve”

“You will,” Says a voice above me, “don’t be dramatic, Y/N. Eat up.”

I feel something close to panic when I recognize the voice.

“Maya?”

-----------------------------------------------

After that I tried to understand what the fuck was going on. I couldn’t do anything until I knew my feelings for Alex.

You know how that turned out.

Nothing made sense, what was our friendship but something magical brought to me in order to end up with true romantic love, right? Well, I had opinions on that.

Our friendship was old as hell, Alex was constantly changing partners so you can tell why I was so against dating him. I decided that if my first love was going to hurt me, it would be anyone but Alex murphy.

Which takes us to the second part that I call:

That definitely isn’t love.

Let me tell you something, and I don’t mean to say this in order to make you sad, I do it so you’re not scared of going through the same thing (if you ever find yourself in a situation like this) and you can handle the shit like a champ.

Life will go on. Seriously, it hurts and oh, how tragic it is to lose someone so dear to your heart! But really, things like that will pass, and you’ll get through and life won’t even stop its course. You wanna know why? Cause it’s all so small, our tiny little lives won’t affect how the world moves outside our houses.

I know, that may sound awful, but to be honest, it’s also relieving. No matter how many mistakes you can make in your life, it won’t stop moving. That’s great, it means you won’t stop growing, you’ll get out of that hole sooner or later.

The feeling I got from that simple, chaste kiss with Alex confused my brain and got me all kinds of anxious about nothing. The only way I felt was guilty. I wanted to erase that moment from existence.

Okay, it was my fault too. I kissed him back, I didn’t know that was wrong until it was done! I told you already, I was confused as hell.

I had to quietly make my way out and go back to the way it used to be.

Then he broke up with Stuart and started to ask me if I wanted to go back to the old routine of watching movies together, or going to the mall only the two of us, just skipping school to spend time together... I happily accepted, thinking it was all platonic. The apocalypse came on the worst timing, we were part of a group that day by day became smaller until it was only the two of us.

I wanted to find my sister so badly that I left the thought aside to work with him as a team, then he had to ask me to leave town with him, start a new life together... Alex was holding on to an illusion that I knew it was bound to fail, so I put a hard stop to it. One that ended our friendship as well.

And that’s the reason why I ran away from him. My feelings couldn’t be reciprocated if I wanted to survive on this hell.

Sacrifices must be made when you’re facing the end of the world.

Then something amazing happened: I lived. I created a new life on my own, where I could do things my way and didn’t need any other person around. With the new life, my old wishes vanished, and so did my feelings for Alex, or anyone else who belonged with old, naive Vinchi.

------------------------------------------

Which brings me to the present, where I’m on big denial about one little thing: I may not be the same girl, but I still have the same heart, along with the same feelings, memories, and grudges.

“You still won’t talk to me?”

“You still trying after three hours of ignoring you?” I scoff, “leave me alone, Maya.”

“You’re acting like a child! I thought you understood why I left you and Alex to join the Cheeramazons”

“I understand that we weren’t important to you in the first place,” I reply bitterly.

“God, Y/N. It’s not like I did it to get away from you. I wanted protection and to learn some badass skills. The Cheeramazons offered both and to be honest, it was worth it.”

“If they were so good at protecting their people, then why are you here?”

“I went out looking for adventure. You know me, I was never one to enjoy routines.”

“Sure.”

“You’re on your own?”

“On this cage? Yeah... In general? Well, I’m with some kids... remember Wesley Fists?”

“What?” I hear her snicker, “How did you two end up together?”

“It’s a long story... all Josh’s fault.”

“Little Josh with the big truck?”

“Uh, no. Wheeler. I did a project with him once, you know? He used to wave at me in the halls whenever we passed by..?”

“I don’t remember him at all.”

“I figured,” I sigh, “Where are you anyway?”

“Judging by where your voice sounds... I think I’m above your cage”

“Well, don’t get too attached to the sound of my voice, I’ll be out of here soon”

“Why, you’re actually planning on starving?” She inquires, “Did your brain turn Ghoulie?”

“Look, I have a sprained wrist and a swollen knee, I’m not going anywhere on my own... but I have a backup. If Josh and Wesley weren’t caught...”

“What happened with Alex? Is he with you too?”

“None of your business, quitter.”

“Come on, Y/N...”

“You left us. I’m not engaging in any fun chats with you. You weren’t that interest to be a part of our group since the beginning so I don’t even know why I’m mad about it, it was a matter of time”

I know I sound too hard. She was supposed to be my friend, though. Never looked back when she got bored from our little group like it was all child’s play. Now she acts like it’s all cool? Nothing is cool. Nothing at all. I’m about to get eaten!

“Look, I’m sorry-”

“Shut up”

“Don’t be rude, I’m trying to-”

“Shut up! Can you hear that?” I lean closer to the cage’s door and stay silent, Maya following my advice and listening to the hurried steps coming from the hall.

“You know where the keys are?” A voice that I know well emerges from the dark, “Where are we going?”

“Josh?” I stand up surprisingly fast, “Is that you?”

“Y/N!” I hear him rushing towards me and suddenly his face is inches away from mine, barely illuminated, “You’re here! I only saw Wesley when I woke up and I thought you were taken by the Jocks”

“How did you get out of your cage?” I ask with incredulity, “Who are you talking to if it’s not Wesley?”

“A girl got me out, I drop my tweezers and she found them”

“Then get me out!”

“I can’t, they’re broken,” He apologizes, “but I’m going to get the keys and I’ll get you out, I promise.”

“On your own? You’re gonna get killed”

“Triumph just left, I have time,” He points at my leg, “How’s your knee?”

“It hurts. I also hurt my wrist but I don’t know if that happened after the grenade or when I fell,” I wanna act like I’m not scared, but my anxiety is eating me alive, “Josh please don’t go alone, please don’t do it”

“I’ll come back,” He insists, “but if I don’t, I wanna tell you... you became someone important to me, Y/N. Please don’t blame yourself if things go wrong, it was my turn to help you, I owe it to you.”

And without giving me time to reply, Josh leaves.

“Josh Wheeler,” Maya speaks up again, “I remember him now. Blue eyes and a funny smile, right?”

“Yeah,” I frown, still looking at the hall where he disappeared “that’s my stupid Josh.”

“Your Josh?” She asks in a suggestive voice, “alright, I get it now.”

“You get what?”

“He’s your new Alex. I bet you’re always doing nice things to keep him in a good mood and he never gives back cause well, he doesn’t have to. Why would he? When you keep on giving things away for free. See, that’s the sort of stuff the Cheeramazons teach you to throw away, you don’t need boys to survive,” She states.

“He is not Alex,” I correct in irritation, “and I learned that on my own, thank you. It’s funny, you forgot to mention that I also did a lot of things to keep you happy.”

“Is that supposed to help your case?” She sighs, “I know you’re hurt for what I did to you but you won’t stop having your heart broken if you keep doing the same things”

“Joke’s on you, I already fixed that shit up,” I keep my eyes fixed on the hall, “Josh is just a friend.”

You and I know that isn’t true. Yet, is not a lie either.

Josh is just a friend, I have it under control. All I need is to keep it to myself, no accidental kissing or falling into each other’s arms anymore. I don’t have feelings fighting to come out. I’m not thinking about how Josh said I was important to him.

Which takes us to part three:

Why don’t you just kick me in the face? It hurts less, thank you.

Ah, the pleasure it brings us to finally be free from inner guilt.

This part doesn’t have a flashback, cause you already read this part. I told Josh the story. Alex and I weren’t right together so I let him go. It hurt like a bitch but now he’s far away and I can be at peace now. I control my life.

How? For starters, if I meet a cute, nice guy like Josh, I step back and stay as friends and Boom! Problem solved. I figured my life out, I have nothing to be afraid of. I conquered.

...

You know I’m lying, don’t you?

You know what, there’s no way I’ll get myself out of this. I’ll let the action roll.

“I think your buddy Josh got eaten by Triumph,” Maya mentions like she’s talking about the weather, “it’s time you accept it.”

“Honestly, it’s time you stop talking,” I reply with indifference, “you don’t know him”

“And I never will,” She snorts.

I’m about to reply when I hear screams coming from the entrance and I finally see Josh sprinting back towards the cages. Triumph is following him, when he gets closer I realize is not Hoyles.

“Principal Burr?” I inquire in mild disappointment, but calmer than before “okay then, Josh can totally survive to that”

“Don’t be so sure about it, Vinchi,” Maya adds, “Burr is not a common human anymore.”

“Shhh! I can’t hear what they’re saying!”

Josh is trying to convince the principal to let us go, he walks towards the tubes in the middle of the fabric and I can’t see what’s going on. Burr is not touched by the speech, he says he didn’t kill Sam, and my heart skips a beat.

“Sam Dean?” Maya asks above me, “she’s dead?”

“It happened two days ago,” I whisper, “that’s the whole reason why we came, cause Josh wanted to avenge her death...”

“Why would he do that?”

“He was dating her.”

“Oh,” A second of silence, “really? Him?”

“He’s not that bad,” I retort immediately.

“Sure, whatever you say...” She mumbles.

I say something under my breath that is mostly an insult, then an idea comes to mind.

“Maya, you can see what’s happening?”

“Kinda”

“Where are they?”

“Inside the big tubes...”

She narrates the whole thing while I also half-listen to the argument they’re having. She stops for what it feels like an eternity and the kids around us start to scream.

“Kill him!”

“He’s gonna do it,” Maya murmurs.

And I don’t know what to feel, cause I never thought Josh would get this close to his goal. Although now it’s different, Burr didn’t kill Sam. Would he kill him anyway? I’m not defending Burr, by the way! He still ate a bunch of kids. Just saying that If he does this, he will certainly disappoint Wesley.

He would be saving tons of children, though. In my opinion, he could cut him in half and still be a good person.

I hear Josh scream and the sound of his sword against metal.

“Holy shit, is he dead?” I ask.

“I don’t... I can’t tell- he’s moving a lot...” Maya complains.

A few others seconds of silence, then Burr’s voice.

“You missed.”

“Holy shit, he’s alive,” I gasp.

And with that, I mean both of them.

“No. I didn’t,” Josh replies.

The machinery starts to work all of a sudden and I feel my stomach tensing with fear.

What are they doing?

“Where are they?” I ask urgently, “Tell me!”

But just as I finish the sentence I hear steps... and the sound of keys being shaken in the air.

“He got the keys!” Maya screams excitedly, “The son of a bitch did it! We’re free!”

“What about Burr?” I question.

“He locked him up inside the tubes!”

The sound of chains falling and doors clicking is like music to my ears. I hear Maya running out of her cage only to see her appearing in front of me with a wild smile on her face. She hasn’t changed that much, her hair is shorter and her clothes are not the same, but she’s still the hyperactive girl I used to know.

“Good to see you, Vinchi.”

“Hi,” I reply, “be good and get me out of here”

She calls over to the kid that is opening cage by cage and I’m finally free. Maya gives me a tight hug that I return unsure.

“This is great! You can come with me now, become a Cheeramazon!”

“What?” I pull away.

“I can see you’ve toughened up these last few months, they’ll definitely take you in!”

“I don’t want to be a Cheeramazon,” I frown.

I’m still barefoot, but I’m hoping I can find something to wear before I leave.

“Y/N it’s the best choice,” She replies, “come on, we can be part of the same tribe just like before! You and I, the classic duo we used to be...”

“I’m tired of old times,” I answer, “I'm a different person. I don’t do duos anymore.”

“Vinchi...” She pouts.

There, another friendship that dies.

Maybe I could’ve tried to convince her to go with me instead. However, I never got to finish that conversation, cause right at that moment, I heard Josh’s voice.

“Y/N?” He asks loudly, “Y/N, where are you?”

“Josh!” I limp as fast as I can towards his voice, “Josh, I’m right here!”

“Y/N?!” His voice gets clearer as I walk further into the mass, “Where are you?!”

He’s standing right in front of me, a few feet ahead. I run over to him, ignoring the way my knee feels about it. Josh turns around just in time to catch me when I jump in for a hug.

“I’m with you!” I say breathless, trying to keep my wrist away from any harm, softly supported around his neck, “You did it! You saved us!”

“I promised, didn’t I?” His smile is as big as mine, and we’re so close I can see the freckles the sun has left on the bridge of his nose.

He pulls away and turns slightly, pointing at something hanging from his hip.

“I saw them out there...” I look down and I see my skates, all clean and looking good as new, “thought you might want them back”

“What the hell?” I exclaim, “You’re the best!”

Impulsive as usual, I go for another hug, this time kissing his cheek in the process. When I notice my mistake I pull back but Josh keeps me in place, now I’m self-conscious and probably all red.

“Am I a shitty partner still?” He smirks.

Someone accidentally hits my hand and I whimper, hugging it tightly against my chest.

“Crap, I forgot...”

Josh’s smile vanishes immediately changing to a worried expression.

“Let’s go back to the mall, you need help”

“And I’m starving”

Josh chuckles, nodding.

“And will get you something to eat”

He gives me the skates and I hold them with my good hand, walking towards the exit.

I start to feel a bit hopeful about what the future could bring to us, Josh and me. I can’t lie to myself after this, you saw the whole thing, right? It’s obvious. Josh is not my new Alex for one simple reason: I don’t have a crush on Alex anymore.

I am, however, totally crushing on stupid Josh.

Just when I decide to come into terms with my new realization, it happens:

Someone walks in front of me and immediately catches my eye. How couldn’t, when I thought I would never see that back again for the rest of my life?

“Alex..?”

I drop my skates, an urgent need to run away as far as I can winning over my common sense. This can’t be happening, this can’t be Alex. He's gone. He’s supposed to be away in New York living his best life or something.

But the boy turns around and it’s the same eyes I’ve known since I was a kid.

“Y/N?” He’s not totally glad to see me. The frown on his face tells me he is just as stunned as me, few terrible seconds pass where we don’t know what to do.

Josh is the one who talks first.

“Hold on,” He turns to me, “is he..?”

“An old friend from Highschool, yes,” I look at him with wide eyes, pleading ‘Keep your mouth shut!’ “like Maya.”

“Maya’s also here?” He asks loudly, and since I’m the luckiest girl alive, Maya is nearby to hear us.

“That’s me,” She sees the boy in front of us, “oh my god, Alex?”

“Maya?” Alex’s eyes light up, “You’re okay!”

“How did you end up here?!” She walks up to him and gives him a tight hug.

“Uh, Y/N,” Josh whispers beside me, “What is happening?”

“I think I died when that grenade exploded,” I respond overwhelmed.

“I came back like a month ago,” Alex replies, hugging her with the same animosity, then he looks right at me, “I left some unfinished business behind.”

Oh, that’s great. First, everyone leaves and now they all want to make up for it. To go back and be the best friends we used to be. Well, I’m sorry I think I lost the part where that was my problem.

“We can help you!” Maya assures him, completely misunderstanding his comment, “Vinchi and I, like the good old days”

“Vinchi?” Josh questions.

“Y/N,” Maya looks at him with a judgy expression, “you’re her friend but you don’t know her nickname?”

“No one calls me that,” I cross my arms, wincing after accidentally pulling the muscle in my wrist, “not anymore, at least. I never told him.”

“But you love it,” She frowns, “everyone calls you that.”

“Everyone who used to call me that is gone,” I say, “you two are the only ones left and I’m kindly asking you to not include me on your mission. I have to go back to my friends.”

“We are your friends, Y/N” Alex replies.

“I meant my most recent friends,” I pick up the skates from the floor and nudge Josh, “let’s go, Angelica must be worried.”

“Y/N, are you sure?” Josh asks under his breath. When I don’t reply, he grabs me by the shoulder and turns my body to face him, “listen I know you feel like you have to stay because I told you we needed you, but you’re free to go with them if you want. They’re your best friends after all and I know Alex... I know how hard it was on you to be alone.”

I can’t tell exactly what he’s thinking right now and that frustrates me. His expression tells me he’s hurt, I just don’t know if it is because he thinks I’m seconds away from leaving or because he’s nervous that I’ll blame him if I stay.

“I don’t want to go, Josh,” I reach for his hand with the one that is holding my skates and brush it lightly, “I tried to leave before and something always stopped me from doing so. That has to mean something, I feel like my place is at the mall with all of you.”

“Y/N?” Maya speaks up, “You’re coming?”

“No,” I turn to face her, “I’m going with Josh.”

“Josh?” Alex looks at the boy next to me but he doesn’t seem to understand that I’m talking about him, “gay Josh or other gay Josh?”

“My Josh,” I point to my friend, “just... Josh.”

“Alright then,” Maya scoffs, “then we go too.”

“What?” I ask in alarm.

“Josh was telling the rest of the kids to follow him,” She smirks, “I hope you don’t mind, Vinchi.”

“Really?” I look at Josh, clenching my jaw. I’m unable to crush his arm with my hand since it’s injured and the other is occupied. He tries to apologize without speaking, but puppy eyes won’t work on me today, “We better get going then”

“Yeah,” He looks at me, begging for forgiveness, “we should... uh- your hand needs to...”

“Just move,” I grumble, walking past Alex and Maya with Josh calling out Wesley’s name to join us.

Full of shit I am, cause during all the way back I avoid looking over to Alex and Maya, despite saying I was over my past.

I’m full of shit when Josh asks me if I need help and I tell him no, even though I’m barefoot and I keep stepping on rocks on accident cause it’s too dark outside. Without mentioning I just admitted to myself that I’m crushing on him and now I don’t know what will I do to keep it a secret when Angelica looks for any excuse and watches me closely to see if she’s right.

And Josh? Well, he avenged Sam’s death... kinda. I don’t know if that’s enough to calm his nerves or if he’ll keep going until he’s done killing every bad guy on Glendale, which are too many to count. I don’t even know if he’s interested in me the same way I am.

What am I saying? Of course he’s not! He spent six months of his life on this goose chase and I’m expecting that suddenly he feels something for me just because I saved his life once? Ugh, I'm not even sure if I’ll actually stay permanently at the mall...

“Hey! We’re home!” Josh exclaims as soon as we step inside the mall, “So I brought some friends... Cool if they crash here?”

“Fuck to the no!” I’m surprised to see Eli outside of his side of the mall, “How many times do I gotta say-?”

Angelica puts a taser against his neck and electrocutes him on the spot, pushing him so he falls flat on the ground.

“Yeah. It’s cool, I guess” She replies.

“Angelica!” I blurt out, walking towards Eli, “Don’t do that ever again!”

She ignores me, already rushing over to Josh and Wesley to receive them with a hug and excitedly welcome the kids that surround her. I’m happy for her, this must be nice considering how she spent most of her life alone.

“Your hand is bad,” Crumble states, kneeling beside me, “worms won’t fix it”

“I know,” I sigh, turning Eli face-up with my good hand and Crumble’s help, “I’ll fix it, don’t worry”

“Let me do it,” Alex crouches down and carries Eli to the bench behind us, laying him there.

“Thanks,” I mumble.

“It’s alright,” I can see by the corner of my eye that he’s looking at me, “listen, I came here to apologize. Things shouldn’t have ended that way between us. We were best friends...”

“Yeah, we were,” I punctuate, “you don’t have to be sorry. I’ve changed, I don’t need your words, I have a new life.”

“I see,” He looks away for a moment, his eyes finding Josh and Wesley, “How did you end up forming a group with them?”

“Accidents happen,” I shrug, “Josh brought me here. To be honest, I was doing fine on my own but I... I don’t know, I like it here.”

“I see that too,” He smiles, but it has a bitter undertone in it, “don’t worry. I’ll leave again tomorrow.”

“Stay,” I sigh in defeat, “it would be selfish to ask you otherwise, the mall belongs to all of us”

“You’re okay with that?” He frowns.

“Do it for the good old days,” I give him a small smile, “What’d you say?”

“It’s fine by me,” He nods, smiling back.

I don’t know how to end the conversation and I don’t have to think a lot about it, because Josh soon appears holding a stack of bandages.

“Hi,” He smiles openly at us and points to what he’s holding, “time to take care of you”

“Okay,” I raise my eyebrows, “sure...”

“See you later Y/N,” Says Alex, then he nods to Josh, “Wheeler...”

Taglist.

@letsbloodmagic @hollywaterpls

#twoidiots writing #josh wheeler #josh wheeler xreader #daybreak fanfic #wesley fists #eli cardashyan #angelica green #ms crumble #daybreak #netflix

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kyosohmastan · 5 years ago

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Oh, it is Fridays like this when I really need a Furuba Friday episode. The one weekend where I need my emotional support anime the most, but it just went on hiatus lol.

I haven’t been very active today and I won’t be tomorrow either due to seeing family so I’m also making this random post for that. (even tho I’ll only be gone for two days, it’s not that big of a deal haha).

Today has been...a challenge, which is why I say I need Furuba more than ever to comfort me. :3 To put it short, my cousin is getting married tomorrow. (My baby cousin, I’m still in denial), and, of course, I’m so happy for her. Though it’s with disappointment with myself to say that I’m envious. It’s something I haven’t talked about with any of my family besides my mom, and, bless her, she’s helped me through it. But as a...I guess you could say..self-proclaimed hopeless romantic, it’s hard to see someone get something you’ve wished for so badly. I’ve had so many conflicting emotions today ranging from jealousy, happiness, and so, so much anxiety that my chest has literally been hurting this whole day. Mix that in with the fact that I literally haven’t seen anyone besides my immediate family in months and, as I mentioned, have a lot of social anxiety, it’s been tough and I’m sure it will continue tomorrow.

Jealousy is the quality I hate the most that I have. It’s a hurdle I’m constantly having to attempt to overcome. Now, for the reason I’m writing this on my Furuba blog because you’re probably wondering, what is the point of this lol. One thing that really helped me get through this time is episode 3 of Fruits Basket 2019 where the entire episode handles the jealousy that Yuki and Kyo have for each other. Tohru is there to tell them that they have their own good qualities that are admirable. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been envious with my cousin with everything, thinking “She’s beautiful. She makes friends so easily. She has so much confidence. Why can’t I have that?” And this episode reminded me that there are good qualities that I do have even if I can’t see them.

This is a reason why I say Furuba literally changed my life in so many aspects, and I don’t exaggerate when I say that. Literally. I hesitated going to the wedding because I was so anxious about coming here and being overly envious to the point that it would depress me, but this episode inspired me to shoo my jealousy away and be here. It helped me not to selfishly focus on my feelings because this is supposed to be about my cousin, and I love her so much. I’m so happy for her. I live out of town so we haven’t seen each other in over a year when we used to be inseparable as kids and teens, and the moment she saw me, she smiled so big and told me how happy she was that I came. And that made this all worth it. It further reminded me that I’m here for her. Yes, I’m still jealous, that might not ever go away, but I’m also filled with so much joy that I get to see someone whom I love so much that I consider her my actual baby and sister get her happiness.

Honestly though, seeing her like this just inspires me to want to improve. I was looking at her and her fiancé today and just thinking how much I want that, how much I want to better myself so that I can have that one day. Because, as much as I would like to get married, I am in no place to do so haha. I have to work on my mental health and become financially stable before I ever allow someone else to take care of me. xD So I’m going to really try to do better and get myself on the right track. Because, right now, I’m in a hard place. But I’ll get there.

One thing I always keep in mind and it never fails to make me feel better is that if I do get married, that means he is also out there right now waiting for me. I always think that, and it blows my mind lol. It’s like Tohru says “I like to think that someone cares for me that way, even if that person and I are separated by a large distance.” That line always comforts me

I’m going to try my best to be in good spirits tomorrow and just be happy because my cousin deserves this so much. My love for her overpowers my jealousy and I’m happy that’s the truth. Thanks for reading if you got this far. I really needed somewhere to vent because I don’t want to discuss this with anyone else because 1. I don’t want to sound desperate and 2. I don’t want to make this day about me because it’s not. That would be inappropriate. So thank you for letting me get all this out. I hope this helps all the rest of you single ladies out there who have similar feelings. I have your back. 💕💕

#yeah i am actually crying #it feels nice though #i need to let my emotions out #i've been bottling them up all day #fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket analysis

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lavrapalmers · 5 years ago

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various storms and saints / chapter 2

summary: allie pressman knows it’s a betrayal to have a crush on harry bingham, but she can’t help it

word count: 6.3k

read on ao3 here

all work and no play makes allie a dull girl.

it’s been ten days, a little over a week, and she’s already restless. everyone is scared, there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel and that becomes more apparent every day. yet they all handle it differently, some go to the church to pray, some are on the field praying to some other god. most party, taking advantage of the lack of parents. they can fuck without worrying about sneaking around, break into their parents liquor cabinet with no consequences, smoke in broad daylight.

cassandra shakes her head when she sees this, like a mother looking down at disappointment at her child who is now too grown to boss around. there is nothing she can do but sit and watch, and leave when it gets to be too much. she thinks they should start working, start figuring things out, gather and work together.

allie gets it, she sees the appeal. it’s numbing, it’s distracting, it’s what too many of them need. never prepared for the real world, never prepared to be alone, they don’t know what to do without the guides set for them so long ago. they’re too proud to admit they’re scared, so they show their fear in a bottle of hennessy and a blunt, and apart of her is jealous of them.

she doesn’t smoke, drugs are a big no for her, but she doesn’t mind a drink. the liberation of getting drunk, forgetting the world for awhile, the only pain you know is when you throw it all up. sometimes she’d prefer that pain, revel in that pain, it’s more bearable than the life she’s currently living.

she wishes it were that simple, that she could drink her life away with the rest, laugh it off and not worry so much. but that’s not who she is, rather that’s not who her friends are. they want to talk it all through, spend every second working. you do research, and you clean, and you count food. others keep busy with fun, they keep busy with work.

she understands why, it’s necessary, but she’s growing antsy. she feels cornered in a cage, trapped in this one dimensional version of who she is supposed to be. she wants to be more, she wants to be work and fun, she wants to be more than a carbon copy of her sister and what her friends expect of her.

maybe that’s why she leaves early, quitting her job halfway through the day. she did the minimum expected of her, hours still ahead to do more, but she stopped. she can’t waste her life away counting food and worrying about their future, which now doesn’t seem so bright.

she walks in the middle of the road, a threat to the gods that if what she’s doing is wrong they’ll strike her down, have a car run through and hit her. she walks on that yellow line separating the street, refusing to be just on one side. she wants to walk the line, she wants to have a foot in both worlds, refusing to let them tell her who she is supposed to be.

and like some sick joke, all roads lead to harry bingham.

he stands there like a god amongst men, like everything that is happening has no affect on him. he stands there like he’s running the game and they just don’t know it yet.

maybe this was the gods message instead, a sign to follow her instincts. she deserves some fun, and who represents fun more than harry bingham?

“you planning a trip?” she asks, admiring the way he leaned on his car as the gas flowed into it.

he turned around and it almost took her breath away, and she wondered if this was the first time he’s ever really looked at her. just her, not her behind cassandra’s shoulder, but her alone and as her own person.

she can feel how uncomfortable he is, taking a minute to process that she’s talking to him, and without a biting word. he looks like he’s trying to figure out what to say, if he should play nice or use her as a vessel to get his anger at cassandra out.

he seems conflicted, almost as much as she is.

“a weekend jaunt to the coast.” so he decides to play nice, but she can tell he doesn’t know why. he gives her a thin lipped smile, turning around so she can only see the outline of his face, no longer looking at her, as if she isn’t worthy to get the full view. as if he wants it to end, for her to go away.

“it’s a nice town but it can get old pretty fast.” she continues to walk as she talks, not stopping for him, trying to show he isn’t worthy of her attention either.

he hums in agreement, and she thinks that’s it. that’s all she’s gonna get from him, because one brief conversation can’t erase years of rivalry that she’s been a back seat driver to through him and her sister. it’s better than nothing, and she savors even that, their little secret.

“we’re playing fugitive tonight.” he adds, not fully leaving her in the dust as to why he was there. this time it’s her turn to hum, a small indication she heard, as she walks away expecting nothing more. “you should come play with us.”

that stops her dead in her tracks, waiting for someone to pinch her and wake her up from this weird dream. did he really just invite her? she turns around, staring at him and still trying to find the words to say. he continues on. it’ll be big, and there’s a party after. it’s a silent invitation to that too. she wonders if he’s doing this out of obligation, or to piss cassandra off.

but she has a feeling he isn’t, she has a feeling he’s genuine about it.

“you asking me?” she has to make sure, because harry bingham doesn’t ask allie pressman to do these kind of things.

it is a new world, stranger things have happened.

“you can be my partner, if you want.” he offers, and she wants to wipe that smug look off his face. it does too much to her, the charming way he asks, as if he knows she’s been waiting for this. “i need a look out.”

she wants to say yes, but she isn’t an idiot. she knows why he’s asking her, she knows what’s really on his mind.

she wants to pretend this is some type of dream, where he asks her because he really wants her, because her feelings are returned and he actually sees her. sees her as more than cassandras sister, more than a rebound.

“she’s in the supermarket...with will.” she’s all honesty, slightly testing him, see what he says. see if he fights for her, if she’s worth it.

“who?” he asks, and she can’t tell if he genuinely doesn’t know or if he’s in denial, trying not to acknowledge it.

“the person you asked first.”

just from the look in his eyes she knows he won’t deny it, and she even feels a little bad for him. harry and kelly had been together for three years, they were the schools power couple.

that was something she appreciated about harry, something that made her like him. he seemed like a player, but he wasn’t. he was loyal, in a long term relationship, always affectionate. he seemed good, good to kelly, like he would be good for her.

part of her wishes it had worked out for them, because she can see in that dark abyss of his eyes the pain he’s trying to swallow and hide. that’s how much she likes him, that he just wants him to be happy, even with another girl.

“i don’t care.” is all he can say, and she knows he cares but she won’t push. she knows what that’s like, pretending to be unbothered, pretending everything is fine. she lives in that realm, but it seems she doesn’t live there alone. “we’re in the same boat, why not the same car?”

she doesn’t know what he means by that, other than that he’s asking her again. she wants to get into his mind, understand what he is really asking for, why he’s pushing so gently for it to be her. but his eyes are bright, and he’s got a sly smile on his face, no more heartbreak reflecting in him. and he’s looking at her, looking right in her eyes, and her lips quirk up into a smile because this is the most they’ve ever had together. the most they’ve talked, the most they’ve stared, and she knows this energy she’s feeling can’t fully be one sided because it’s like he’s pulling her forward, begging her to come closer and climb in his car and let him show her what his life has to offer.

but her mind always drifts back to cassandra, to what they mean to each other, and to what harry means to her. she can’t forget all of that, she can’t give into him the first time he even talks to her. so she denies him for cassandra, but also for herself. to play hard to get, leave him wanting more, see how serious he is.

“you can’t be an asshole to my sister and then nice to me. it doesn’t work that way.” even as she says this she’s smiling at him, she can’t help it, he brings it out of her. he looks too much like everything she wants and can’t have, the treat parents deny their children when they’ve been bad, the movie star you fall in love with after one movie. he’s too good and too bad, filling up her senses, and she gets why he’s so popular. even without his personality, even without his charm, there’s some part of him that lingers in your mind even after he’s gone. he’s someone you can’t ignore, he’s someone who refuses to be ignored.

but right now she has the upper hand, or at least she thinks she does, as she walks away from him leaving the answer to his offer up in the air. she will not fall at his feet, she will not be what he wants her to be. she is stronger than his warm gaze and her infatuation for him, she is stronger than anyone knows.

he calls something out one last time as she walks away, almost taunting her. “tell her i said she can come, too.”

this makes her laugh, and makes her heart skip a beat. she knows he means it as some type of joke, but she also knows that’s his way of saying he wants her there, even if it means bringing his nemesis.

when she responds she doesn’t turn around, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing the smile on her face at his words, and not giving herself the satisfaction of seeing his reaction. “you say too many things you don’t mean.” the statement rings true, like a prophecy, neither of them knowing how true or severe it is. right now they are still children, they think the world has crumbled but it hasn’t, not yet, but it will soon.

allie is starting to realize her sister isn’t perfect, not like she thought. if anything, she’s more like harry than she think she’d like to admit. maybe that’s why they fight so much, they’re too similar, two sides of the same coin, heads and tails. they look at each other like some dark reflection of what they could be in another life, a version they loathe, and hate themselves more for that than they hate the other.

she realizes this when she’s sitting in bed, a front row seat to the cassandra and gordie show. the way his hand trembles over her breast, listening to her heart that doesn’t beat for him. he’s giving up so much just for her, and cassandra looks completely disinterested as he does it.

it’s finally allie’s turn to give her that disappointed look, to take the high moral ground.

“you totally manipulate him.” she is blunt as she says it, not wanting to beat around the bush, wanting her sister to see clearly what it is she’s accusing her of.

her sister denies it but with no real fervor, nothing to truly back up her claim. she knows allie is right, but cassandra won’t admit it. she can’t admit that she’s doing something selfish and bad, because if she does then who is she to judge others? won’t that make everything she says about harry hypocritical.

she’s starting to see the truth in these people she’s held so close to her heart. she has a problem, she’s always romanticizing people. puts them in their character type and sticks to that, is blinded to any flaws or any changes to the story in her head. they all have their roles initially, who they would be in the movies of their life. heroine. villain. sidekick.

none of that feels true anymore, and it’s too much for her mind. ten days of thinking and working, of tirelessly trying to figure out what is going on and thinking too much about who these people she is living with are.

she wishes people were more honest, that they would just tell the truth and stop beating around the bush. it feels like everyone gains some weird pleasure in toying with others emotions, knowing they have a grip on someones heart without giving it in return. no one communicates, no one talks, no one says what they want.

it’d all be so much simpler if they were honest, but even just thinking that makes her a hypocrite too.

she is silent because she knows allie is right, and they sit there with their thoughts gone wild and their world shifting around them and trying to adjust.

cassandra leaves when gordie comes calling, and allie knows what that boy is going through and a part of her hates her sister for putting him through that.

she knows because she is going through that right now.

for the first time in ten days she’s home alone. she isn’t used to silence anymore, a part of her can still hear cassandra and becca talking in another room, will laughing at a joke sam made. now she walks through her house alone, empty, silent.

it leaves her alone with her mind, with her thoughts, and she thinks if she stays here another second she’s gonna go mad.

so she does what she has to do, she leaves, and there’s only one place to go.

she never thought she’d see harry bingham so excited to see her.

she stand on the side like a angel in hell, asking for a tour, hands in her pockets as she awaits satan himself to lead her down the river acheron.

he almost runs to her, dropping everything for her, and she bites her lip to stop a smile from growing because now it’s him who is wanting. she finally has the power, tugging him along and dragging him to her, begging him to question why she’s there.

“you showed up.” he points at her, letting too much excitement slip out, breaking that classic harry cool he always tries to exude.

they move together so naturally, almost walking into each other, almost close enough to stop. they’re like magnets, forced together, but she forces herself to stop. it feels like magnets too, when they aren’t met to match. that hard push refusing to touch, something between them stopping from ever really touching, from being together like they should be.

she looks away, trying to be coy as she hides her blushing cheeks. she may have showed up but the rest is up to him, he’s got to fight for her, prove himself worthy past the image in her head she has of him. “well who said i was playing, i could just be here to watch.”

“oh yeah, naturally.” he teases, going along with her, and she hates it so goddamn much. she hates how natural it is between them, like all her hypothesis were right about them. she hoped it would be bad, awkward, he’d make her hate him and she can go on with her life not having to worry about this idiotic crush.

she finally looks at him, her eyes gleaming and a small smile peaking out, letting herself finally break down one wall and satiate a tiny part of her crush.

she doesn’t expect the solemn look on his face, how serious it falls, his dark eyes holding something deeper to them. he asks her “why’d you change your mind?” and she has a feeling there’s something more to that, and she has a feeling it just might break her heart.

his eyes haven’t moved from her, they’re glued on her, and she almost shivers at that. she’s glad her body is covered, that he can’t see the goosebumps on her arms and legs, and she doesn’t let him look back in her eyes because she knows they’ll say too much that she isn’t ready for him to know.

“i just needed a distraction.” she doesn’t lie, just doesn’t tell the full truth, and she wants to get a move on because if they stand there staring at each other she just might burst because it’s too much for her. “and you have a fast car.”

she smiles back at him, telling him not to be so serious, she came to him for fun and he better not disappoint. he better not make her think like the rest, make her worry.

she gets in his car and feels bad, devious, wicked, and she doesn’t mind. it’s in the best way, makes her blood flow faster and her heart beat harder, being in harry binghams car makes her feel like another person. she wonders what cassandra would think, and for the first time she doesn’t care, let her think what she wants, allie is weaseling her way out of her grip and is in a fast car with the hottest boy in town. who could blame her for that?

and he shows off, trying to impress her, revving the engine a few times before they go, faster than she’s ever gone in a car before. he’s the perfect distraction, and he hasn’t disappointed her yet.

they move so fast she can’t think, her mind focused on the game and the boy next to her, sneaking peaks at his side profile and wanting to trace it with her hand. run her fingers through his hair and trace his nose, land on his lips and wait for him to kiss them. then kiss her. she sees it in slow motion, like some goddamn bad 80s rom com, where he turns to her with the moonlight shining on her face and sees her for the first time, and all he can do is kiss her to tell her how he feels.

but he keeps his eyes on the road, swerving to other streets as he follows her instructions, and they work so well together the smile can’t be wiped off her face.

the adrenaline pumps through her veins, it’s blinding, erasing the rest of the world from everything but this game. she’s too into it, too desperate for the distraction it brings, running in the street for that sweet release of her adrenaline build up and not even seeing the trouble coming her way.

the same way she does’t see the worry in his eyes, or hear him try to stop her, or feel the way his heart stops while hers can’t stop beating.

she feels the impact then hears him screaming her name, calling to her like some godsend and bringing her out from the daze of the world around her. he grounds her, wakes her up again, and he’s gentle with her. his hands barely grazing her, gliding over her hip and it’s like some goddamn dream. she can even hear him whispering “i’m sorry, i’m sorry” and the image in her head shifts but in an even better way.

she turns around laughing, “my heart is beating so fast.” and he’ll never know what she really means. she’s laughing at herself because how fast her heart is beating, because she knows she signed her name in the book of the beast and there is no going back. she laughs because her heart is beating because of his hands on her and his gentle whisper, and because she knows with every second she spends with him here she falls for him more and more and that just means it’s going to hurt even more when he breaks her heart.

she runs off, away from him, away from that same disappointed glare cassandra has in her eyes when she does something reckless. she doesn’t want to see her sister in his eyes, she wants to play his game instead.

once the game ends the real one begins, the true test, the after party.

she expects him to go his separate way, he is the host and that means he has a lot to do. set everything up, entertain people, make sure they’re having fun.

yet he doesn’t leave her side, leading her around his house with his hand on the small of her back and his eyes always trying to sneak a peek into her own. it’s silent looks met with silent smiles, and she thinks she finally understands what it is like to be kelly on harry’s arm.

he leads her to the pool and sets up a little spot just for them, not going in because she didn’t have her swimsuit. he even offered to take her back to her house to get one if she wanted, but she refused. she wanted to keep this night a good memory, something just for herself, going home for even a second would put a damper on that mood. her sister asking questions, her friends getting involved, a whole mass of people with that stare as she gets into harry’s car.

she’s fine sitting on the side of the pool watching everyone else have fun, especially with harry sitting right beside her.

“i’m surprised you came tonight, and that you’re here right now.” he tells her after they take a shot, drawing her attention from the couples in the pool back to him.

“why?” she asks, though she already knows the answer.

he shrugs, looking around at the crowd surrounding them before his eyes fall back to her, and she hates how goddamn handsome he is. “you’re cassandras sister, and her best friend, and she hates me. guess i thought you did too.”

she shakes her head, and after an entire day with him she’s finally gained the courage to keep her eyes glued to his. “we’re not the same person.”

“i know that.” he defends himself, but they both know it isn’t true.

she tilts her head, eyes stuck on his, both of theirs saying so much. “no, you don’t.”

“you never seemed to like me very much.” he tries, but she knows the truth.

“cassandra always painted you out to be the bad guy, and i guess i just kind of followed her lead. now i realized i don’t really know you, and i think i should form my own opinion on who you are.” part of it is honest, but she hides the fact that he is so wrong. she’s always liked him, too much for what’s good for her, too much for what’s right.

“and do you think that?” he asks, leaving her lost.

“think what?”

“that i’m the bad guy.”

she doesn’t respond right away, searching his dark eyes for an answer, thinking they’ll tell her all she needs to know. yet his eyes are asking the same thing, searching for the answer cuz she doesn’t even think he’s sure who he is in this role of his life. and for once she thinks she really sees harry, sees past what he wants everyone to see. the picture perfect popular boy, the flawless rich kid, the leading man in the movie of their lives. he isn’t all those things, he’s just a boy the same way she’s just a girl, looking for all the answers neither can give the other.

“i’m still trying to figure it out.” is the best she can get out, because as much as she wants to reassure him she can’t. one day doesn’t mean anything in her judgement of his character, though a part of her is hoping and praying he isn’t the bad guy.

“i knew you two aren’t the same person. i know that.” he changes the subject, insisting his innocence, trying to prove he isn’t the bad guy after all. “you two aren’t anything alike you are...peculiar...and intense.”

she doesn’t know how to take that, it’s not what she’d expected to hear and she doesn’t know what it means. she’s never heard those two words in a positive connotation, as a compliment, but the way he says it and the lingering look in his eyes tells her he means no harm. he means it in a good way.

neither of their eyes leave each other, and she thinks now for the first time he’s really seeing her too. like he finally knows who allie pressman is as her own person, and the way he looks at her now makes her want to run away and hide. despite all her longing she never prepared herself for this, she never thought it would happen. “thanks.” is all she can muster out, her eyes saying more than her words can.

her eyes flitter down to his lips and that’s all he needs to make his move, leaning in slowly till there was almost no space between them, giving her a moment to move away if need be. she stayed still, letting his lips press against hers for a second, and it’s so not what she expects.

she thinks harry bingham is an all in guy, go big or go home, but he kisses like it’s his first time and he’s nervous. like he’s scared she’ll hurt his feelings, like a child kissing his crush. he kisses her the way she’d kiss him, and she’s wanted this for so long that it hurts to remember that even when he kisses her like this it means so little to him.

kelly just broke up with him, he’s hurting and looking for a distraction for his pain. he’s looking for a rebound, and she fell perfectly into his lap.

she backs away slightly, enough for him to get the hint, and she’s searching his face as if to try and read his mind. she’s just now realizing he’s so emotive, shows everything he feels on his face making it so easy to read him. she can see it all, every thought floating in his mind. the confusion, the rejection, and lastly the hurt. he looks shy and embarrassed, so unlike the unbothered harry he always tries to portray. it just makes her like him more, it just makes her want to lean in and kiss him and tell him everything is fine, that she won’t hurt him like kelly did, that she is ready to give her heart to him.

but she’s smarter than that, and she has questions she wants the answers to too.

“what was that?” she asks and finally looks away from him, unable to hide her sly smile, unable to hide her blushing cheeks.

he laughs a nervous little laugh, and he’s so much more sweet than she thought and she wondered what cassandra would think if she saw this side of him. would she still curse his name, slander him, detest him? or would she be able to understand why allie liked him so much, why he made her so weak?

“i don’t know.” it comes out as a whisper, hushed and quiet and only for her to hear, and he turns to her with a nervous smile and stuttering out his words, and despite her minor rejection of him he still looks excited, like he’s been wanting to do that as long as she has. “i just didn’t know you. like at all.”

and as he leans in his eyes are telling her all she needs to know, that he wants to know her, and now it’s up for her to decide. let him have his way with her, kiss her, and break her heart? let her be the rebound, be with him for even one night, more than she ever could’ve hoped for.

and the thunder rumbles as if a sign from the gods, a tempest threatening her to make up her mind, because her only options are various forms of chaos and she must pick the way she wants to get hurt.

“we should go.” is all he says, taking her silence as a sign to give up, and the thunder as a way out.

but she’s made up her mind, and there’s no changing it now. “we should go inside.”

and he looks down from the heavens that dropped him back to her, not expecting her words, not knowing how to respond other than a smile saying he’d love to.

they don’t need to say anything more as they slip inside, his hand loosely holding hers as he leads her up the stairs to his room, not grip needed because they both know the other won’t let go. their fingers touch, dance around with each other, and even just that slight skin on skin contact is electric.

he leads her to his room and doesn’t turn on the light, let them live in the darkness as he closes the door. he’s gentle and slow, and she thinks his hands are shaking when they go to cup her face, both hands holding her cheeks as he leans in to kiss her. he pauses, letting his eyes adjust to her face in the darkness as he sweeps them over her, checking every part of her face.

“are you sure you want this?”

“yes.”

he kisses her, slow, like it means the world to him to have her in his embrace. this time she really kisses back, and she lets him lead. she lets him guide her to his bed with soft kisses on her cheek and her neck, lets him strip her off her clothes and lets him whisper his kind compliments, let’s him rest his forehead against hers as they take it slow and she never thought she’d lose her virginity to harry bingham yet he treats her better than any other guy could. and she knows her feelings for him aren’t truly returned, not in the same way she feels for him, yet with the way he holds her as they have sex she thinks that maybe they could be, one day.

when they’re done they lay on their backs, his hand playing with her curls, and she can’t ignore how comfortable the silence is between them. they feel like old friends, old lovers, people who have fucked in a past life. like every incarnation of themselves have known each other in some way, so they don’t need to talk, because they have all the time in the world.

“that was...so great.” he mumbles out, and she knows he means it with the smile on his face and his gentle grip on her hair. she wants to lay here, fall asleep and let this night last forever. no responsibility, no cares, yet the world refuses to be that way. refuses to give her a break, to enjoy herself, it needs to give a cruel reminder as to where she is and what she has done.

the lights flicker on and off, and harry gets out of bed with a disappointed huff in his voice.

“i’ve got to go down and check what’s wrong, make sure everything’s okay.” he says as he puts his clothes back on. she stays where she is watching, trying to shut off her mind from going a mile a minute, from letting her think the wrong thing.

“yeah go, i’ll be down in a minute.” she says, not ready to go down yet, not ready to be seen going down with him. people spread shit fast, and she doesn’t want cassandra to know.

he’s putting his pants back on when she says that, putting up the zipper and smiling at her. he leans in to give her a kiss on the cheek, it’s awkward and strange and unnatural for both of them, and makes her realize just how naive they both are. he’s not much more experienced than she is, they both are clueless about how to do these things. “i’ll wait down there for you.”

she nods her head with a smile, watching him go before she gets dressed herself, unable to believe her clothes are scattered on harry binghams floor.

when she finally makes her way down he is sitting on the counter waiting for her like he said, smiling when he spots her walk up to him. she smiles and looks down, her nerves of what they just did finally getting to her, but his eyes and smile stays on her, looking at her like she’s so much more than she really is.

she is only half listening to everyone’s conversation about the flickering lights, rather looking at him and taking in all his glory. she thinks he’s the most handsome boy she’s ever seen, and for one night she could call him hers.

she doesn’t give in to the fear like everyone else, allowing herself to revel in the distraction he poses, ignoring as everyone runs out into the rain either home or to the hardware store.

“do you want to go?” he asks her, still sitting on the counter top but gently grabbing her hand with his once the house clears out, pulling her closer into his embrace.

“where?” she asks, but the only thing on her mind is the way he’s looking at her, and his lips.

“the hardware store.”

she shakes her head, smiling as she holds back a small laugh. “i don’t need a flash light, we got some at home.”

he nods, and their eyes keep playing a little dance, moving between their lips and each others gaze, their minds replaying the events of that night over and over again.

“you can stay over if you want, there’s space in my bed.” he offers, and she questions his intentions. he got what he wanted out of her, she got part of what she wanted too, but she knows he isn’t over kelly after ten days and she knows he isn’t doing this because he likes her. he can’t like her, it’s only been a day.

but she so badly wants to say yes, give herself this moment like she’s done so many times this night, say she did it once because she knows it’ll never happen again. she wants to say yes, but she can’t. “cassandra’s gonna worry if i’m not home, sorry.”

he pulls her closer with their intertwined hands, enough where she stands between his legs and his hand drops hers to rest on her waist, keeping her in his warmth. “well for now stay with me, she can have you tomorrow but for now you’re still mine.”

mine, she never liked that possessive shit, she never thought relationships should be about owning each other. when he says it though, she understands why the idea is appealing to so many people. to be someone elses, to be his, it warms her insides while he warms her outside, and she knows there is no future between them but she really wishes there was.

“who ever said i was yours?” she asked, negging him as she moves her head closer to his, lips grazing his.

“we can be each others...just for tonight.” he kisses her, grip on her waist and neither realize the lights go out again while they’re entangled in each other. her hand in his hair, his hand brushing against her skin under her shirt, and she doesn’t mind being his for the night, as long as he is hers.

they stay like that as their phones both ding, notifications going off, and they try to ignore it as long as they can but the constant ringing in their ears kills the mood. allie reaches for her phone first, turning around in his embrace to read her texts, not missing the way his arms wrap around her and his head rests on her shoulder. she doesn’t miss the way his lips brush against her cheek, the way he reads her texts from cassandra with her alerting them of an emergency, and she doesn’t miss the disappointed sigh they both share of their night being cut short.

it’s raining outside but he insists on walking, and she doesn’t question why. she thinks it’s because he wants more time with her, but that’s wishful thinking on her part, but it doesn’t matter as they run under his jacket laughing at how ridiculous they must look. bumping into each other trying to stay dry, almost tripping as they steal glances, still in their own world until they reach those who remind them of who they are and who they should be to each other.

cassandra looks between them, her own sister coming with harry, and she can see the betrayal flicker through her eyes before she looks away.

she doesn’t want to look again, she won’t let her shame her for what she did, because she has no regrets for it.

chaos envelops them and threatens to swallow them whole, and she hates the reminder that this night wasn’t anything real. that this world isn’t their own and the responsibilities never end.

she could be his for the night but when the sun comes out she will be back to what she’s always been, a shadow.

#the society #harry x allie #allie x harry #harry bingham #allie pressman #hallie #my writing

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gerec · 6 years ago

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Emma’s Birthday/Holiday Party and Erik’s Stupid Face

I don’t know why but I absolutely love writing fics about/set during big parties, especially birthdays or during the holidays as an excuse to throw everybody together for shenanigans! Anyway, here’s 1400 words of a modern au for @lachatblanche, featuring Charles and his childhood bestie Tony Stark. It has all our (hers and mine) favourite tropes including:

- Tony and Charles and Emma as filthy rich, emotionally damaged childhood best friends - Avengers crossovers - Erik as the asshole ex Charles can’t get over - Charles with a VHG (very hot guy) expressly to make Erik green with jealousy - Still have powers au where everyone exists but nobody is a superhero

Enjoy!

He’s been in the car for ten minutes when his cell starts ringing, blasting AC/DC’s ‘Thunderstruck’ loud enough to jolt him from his half comatose state.

“Oh my god I just landed,” Charles groans into his state-of-the-art, Stark issued phone slash satellite GPS slash probable supercomputer, “can’t whatever this is wait until I get home? Preferably after I throw myself face first into my bed for the next twenty four hours?”

“No can do, Charles-y my boy,” is the answer he gets, which – to be fair – is exactly the answer he’d expect from his best and oldest friend. “It’s T minus nine hours until Emma’s party and you’re nowhere near ready for a full scale, Frost patented holiday extravaganza.”

A week ago it had seemed like a brilliant idea, catching a ride back to New York on Tony’s private jet, after wrapping his semester as guest lecturer at Oxford. He would make it back in time for Emma’s birthday, and then spend the rest of the holidays binging on Netflix and Chinese take-out. But the last forty eight hours had turned out to be an absolute slog, trying to tie up so many loose ends that he can barely keep his eyes open, and the last thing he wants to do now is get all dressed up and go to a glitzy, high profile party—

“Do you think I could get away with a no show?” he asks, heaving a tired sigh when Tony starts laughing, entirely unsympathetic and not at all helpful. “I mean, how painful do you think it’ll be on a scale of one to ten? When I’m being murdered by Emma in cold blood.”

“She’ll kill you, resurrect you and then kill you again,” Tony replies, which is ridiculous and also, not that far from the truth. “Listen, all you have to do is make an appearance, kiss the birthday girl and drink some champagne…we used to party much, much harder on way less sleep.”

“God, Tony that was over ten years ago! I have an actual career these days, and responsibilities, and—”

“Stop, stop, you’re killing me here, Charles,” Tony interjects. “If I can do it than you can do it too! In case you’ve forgotten I am also a very important person, making big decisions and doing all the grown up things!”

Charles scoffs. “You mean you have Pepper handling all your actual work while you tinker in your lab day and night. And unless you’re willing to let me hire her away—”

“No! You get your own Pepper, Xavier! She’s a thousand percent off limits I mean it—”

He closes his eyes and tilts his head back with a sigh, content to listen to Tony go off on a tangent about his PA. It’s a little funny, how the man is still in such ridiculous denial over his very intense, very possessive feelings for Pepper; though hopefully, Tony figures it out soon – by New Year’s ideally – or Charles is going to lose his shirt in the gang’s betting pool.

“—are you even listening to me? Charles? Did you fall asleep?”

“No, no sorry just resting my eyes,” he answers, and Tony huffs with feigned annoyance, before launching into another tirade about Charles acting like a boring old man. The whole thing is inexplicably soothing and familiar, making him realize just how much he’s been missing his sister and his closest friends in the months he’s been away.

Still, there’s no good reason to give in to Tony’s machinations without putting up at least a token fight.

“I don’t have anything to wear. My tux was ruined remember? And I haven’t had the chance to get a new one yet.”

“Emma picked one out for you and my tailor’s on his way over with it. He’ll get you fitted and do the alterations there.”

“My hair’s a right mess. I need to get it cut.”

“Raven’s got a guy. She’s bringing him over.”

“Food? Sleep? I’m in no shape for—”

Tony cuts him off before he can finish. “Done and done. Food will be delivered and you have five hours to nap. That leaves you four hours to shower, shave and get dolled up for the party. My car’s coming to get you at seven p.m. sharp.”

Charles can’t help it; he laughs and laughs at the absurd, military-like precision of Tony’s whole ‘get Charles to the party’ operation. “Did you happen to get me a date too? Is someone going to be gift wrapped and hand delivered to my door at nineteen hundred hours?”

He’s kidding of course, because even Tony wouldn’t go so far as to set him up with a blind date within his first twenty four hours back on U.S. soil. But then—

“Actually, yeah. I know a guy. Handsome, artist, ex-Army Captain. Too bland for me but he’s right up your alley. You’ve got a thing about good manners.”

It takes a moment for Charles to actually register the words, before his mind catches up to the implication of what Tony’s just said. “Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. I’m in absolutely no shape to meet new people. Especially hot new people I might want to make a good first impression on. And possibly take home some other time I’m not feeling like death warmed over for sex.”

There’s a pause on the other end of the line, and then a considering hum before Tony decides to drop the proverbial bomb. “Are you sure? ‘Cause your ex is coming tonight.”

Charles doesn’t whine – though it’s a near thing – but he does groan pitifully, leaning forward to bang his head on the back of the front passenger seat. “Why? Why did you guys invite him? You know how I get around Erik, especially after a few drinks—”

“Hey it wasn’t me! Emma invited him, ‘cause I guess they’re still friends or some shit. You have only yourself to blame though, with all that ‘it’s fine that we broke up you guys don’t have to pick sides or stop being friends with him’ crap. You know if you just told her how you really feel she’ll stab him in the heart with her stiletto heel and serve it to you on a silver platter.”

“She’s a telepath too! I shouldn’t have to tell her…” It’s a weak assed excuse and he knows it.

“Whatever. Are you sure you don’t want a hot date? You and I both know that bastard’s going to bring someone young and flashy to try and make you jealous, and you’re going to totally fall for it again like you did last time and the time before that. And then you’re going to end up having hate sex with him again, even though you swore it would never, ever happen, until the next time it happens and you—"

“Ugh please shut up; you’re the worst friend I’ve ever had in my entire life!”

Tony snorts. “You mean I’m the best friend you’ve ever had or will ever have, because who else would line up a bona fide sex god for you to piss off your stupid ex-boyfriend? Me that’s who. Now are you in or not?”

“Send me a picture,” he says and promptly hangs up, cutting Tony off before he can remind Charles what a mess his life has become, and how he really shouldn’t have tried to take the high road after the messy breakup ten months ago.

The cell pings then, three, four, five times in rapid succession; no doubt the pictures of said blind date as Charles requested. His interest is half-hearted at best, that is, until he gets an eyeful of sweaty, muscle-y biceps in the very first image, a side shot of a tall, blond, very well built man making mincemeat out of the swaying punching bag. The next shot is even better, showing the front of the man as he’s jogging towards the camera, t-shirt slightly too tight over his bulging chest and arms. He’s absolutely, positively, drop dead gorgeous, and Charles can’t wait to walk into Emma’s party, arm-in-arm with his very own Adonis come to life.

It does not give him a hot surge of vicious satisfaction, imagining the sour expression on Erik’s stupid face.

He sends Tony a quick text. Name?

Steve Rogers. Rank Captain. Retired, US Army.

Charles scrubs his face and chuckles as he types his reply.

I’m in.

#gerec writes #cherik #starles #charles xavier #tony stark #charles&tony #modern au #still have powers #holiday fic #for my darling Lach #there might be more #who am I kidding there's gonna be more

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edxwin-elric · 7 years ago

Text

Chemistry (Part 1)

Part 1: Pop Quiz

Rating: T

Pairing: Edwin/Edward Elric x Winry Rockbell

Disclaimer: I don’t own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Word Count: 2279

Description: Part 1 of this Edwin Thing

Modern School AU where Edward is jealous when Winry talks about other boys, but she’s completely oblivious.

A/N: Request by anon for some Jealous Edward. I hope this satisfies. Comments are always appreciated.

tag || ffn || ao3

next part

Winry

My phone vibrates in my pocket on the way to lunch. As soon as I see the message, I roll my eyes and start typing my response. I shouldn’t be surprised Ryan is flirting with me via stupid jokes about shop class. His reply comes through, and I bite my lip, trying not to blush.

“Hey, did you finish the chem homework from Friday?”

“Hmm?” I look over at Ed who is walking next to me. “What?”

He looks down at my phone, and I see a muscle twitch in his jaw.

“Are you okay?” I frown at him.

“Yeah,” he grunts, looking away. “I just…I asked if you finished the homework in Mustang’s class.”

“Oh.” I nod. “No, I got started on balancing the equations, but then I got distracted and didn’t finish.”

“I can help you with it, if you want.” He shrugs. “If you’re not too busy with Ryan.”

“Since when have I ever sat with Ryan during lunch? He has second lunch anyway–”

“Oh, well good,” he cuts me off, rolling his shoulders.

We sit down, and I spread out my homework, eating my lunch out of the brown bag in my lap. Ed is really good at science, especially chemistry, so he makes it easy to understand the parts that confused me. I’m working the last equation when my phone vibrates again. I stop and reach for my phone when Ed’s fist on the table catches my eye. I look up at him to see him glaring at my homework.

“Edward, what–”

“Is that him again?”

“Is it who?” I ask carefully.

“You know who,” he growls. “That little bitch, Ryan.”

“Seriously?” I raise my eyebrows. “What’s going on with you?” I reach over and put my hand on his arm, forcing him to look at me. “Why do you hate Ryan all of the sudden?”

“I don’t hate him,” he bites out, pulling away and looking to the side. “I just…think he’s kind of a douche.”

“He’s not a douche! He’s nice! He’s my partner in shop class, and if it weren’t for him, I’d be stuck with that roach, Kimblee.”

“Well, of course you would think he’s nice,” he grumbles, and I feel my face getting red.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing,” he snaps. “I’m just saying maybe if you spent less time flirting with him, you’d have time to finish your own damn chemistry homework.”

Ouch. I feel hurt and anger flood my system, as I stand and start gathering my things.

“Fine, Ed,” I mutter. “If that’s how you feel, I’ll go do my homework in the library.”

“Winry–”

I blink away the stupid tears threatening to fall as I sling my bag over my shoulder.

“I don’t understand what’s going on with you,” I tell him, my voice wavering. “Ryan is a perfectly nice person, and whatever your problem is with him, you don’t have to take it out on me.”

“Winry, wait. I didn’t mean–”

He stands up, looking apologetic, but I ignore him, walking out of the cafeteria and down the hall.

Edward

Fuck.

“What was that about, brother?” Al appears at my side just as the door closes to the lunch room. “Winry looked pretty upset.”

“Just me,” I mumble. “Saying something stupid. Making her cry.”

“What was it this time?”

I throw myself back into my chair and shove my fingers through my bangs.

“She… That stupid asshat Ryan has been texting her again.”

He raises his eyebrows at me and crosses his arms.

“Don’t look at me like that,” I snap at him.

“Someone is jealous.” He smirks and sits down in Winry’s abandoned chair.

“Hardly,” I scoff. “I just…don’t want her to get hurt. I’m protecting her.”

“Right,” he says slowly. “The same way you were protecting her when you punched Ling in the courtyard after he said she was pretty.”

“He had it coming.”

He stays quiet for a second, and I poke around at the food on my plate.

“You made her cry again,” he says quietly.

Fuck. I know.

“Yeah,” I mutter.

“What are you gonna do?”

“Apologize, I guess,” I sigh. “Like I always do.”

“You’d think at some point she’d stop being friends with you. Considering how often this happens.”

“Yeah.”

“On the other hand, you could just tell her you like her, like a normal person, and maybe then you wouldn’t blow up in a jealous rage constantly.”

“What?” I sputter. “I’m not jealous! And why would I tell her I like her? I don’t—That’s not—I haven’t ever–”

“Better watch out, brother. All that lying will set your pants on fire.”

“I’m not lying!” I jump up, ignoring the people staring at us now. “She’s just…a friend. I don’t like her like that. She’s like family. Like a sister–”

“I hope not,” he cuts me off. “Normal guys don’t fantasize about their sisters–”

“Shut up, Al!” I kick his chair leg. “It’s not like that,” I hiss.

“You’re forgetting, brother,” he whispers as he stands, leaning in, “we share a wall. And you talk in your sleep.”

I feel my face heat, and my fists clench with the urge to punch him.

“Hey. Don’t get mad at me just because you’re in denial.” He turns and grabs his bag off the floor. “You have a crush on Winry, Ed. It’s about time you owned up to it. Before you blow your shot.”

He turns and walks away, and I stand there seething. What the hell is he talking about? A crush on Winry, my ass. I don’t think about her like that. And I can’t control what I think about in my sleep. It’s not my fault if I dream that we, um… Or, if I wake up and I’m…

I shake my head, trying to think of something else. Fortunately, the bell rings to signal the end of lunch period. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I drop my tray off at the collection on my way out. Next, I have history, which is boring as fuck, but at least I can count on getting a good nap in. No offense to Mr. Falman.

Winry

Study hall is boring. Especially since I finished the last two chemistry equations on my own in the library. They may not be totally correct, but I had the ones Ed helped me with—before he blew up at me—for reference. So, I don’t even have that to occupy me.

God, it’s even worse in here when Paninya actually has work she needs to finish. Otherwise, we can usually pass notes across the table when Mr. Havoc isn’t looking, and today is definitely a day I need her advice. Not that she has a lot of experience with guys switching from hot to cold on her the way Ed has been with me today.

What is with him anyway? I mean, he knows Ryan is my friend, so why is he all of the sudden upset about it? Ryan has been my partner in shop class since the beginning of the year. It’s not like it’s new. And sure, he flirts with me, but it’s meaningless fun. I’m not interested in Ryan. I’ve even told him that to his face. Maybe I would be if it were under different circumstances, but I’ve pretty much accepted that as long as Ed’s around, there really isn’t room for another guy in my life. Not romantically, anyway.

It would be nice, though, if Ed would return my feelings. I haven’t said anything to him because…well, if he doesn’t feel the same way about me…

It’s not like I’m pining for him or anything. I don’t expect him to fall in love with me, I guess, but…we’ve known each other forever, and the idea of him with another girl makes me feel…jittery.

I reach down and pull the red zip up hoodie out of my bag and pull it on, tugging my hair out of the collar. Instantly, I feel calmer. He gave me the jacket one day when I forgot mine, and the temperature dropped ten degrees before lunch. I haven’t given it back because…I don’t want to. The idea of another girl wearing his jacket makes me feel sick.

A piece of paper slides across the table, and I look up to see Paninya giving me big eyes. I snatch her note and unfold it, glancing over at Mr. Havoc to make sure he’s not looking.

Are you okay? You’re wearing the hothead’s jacket again. And I’m sweating, so I doubt it’s because you��re chilly.

I sigh and grab my pen to scribble my reply.

He was acting weird today. Went off on me about Ryan, though idk why. I needed to feel better.

She frowns at me, and I shrug.

What about Ryan upset him?

He wouldn’t say, exactly. Just called him a douche and a little bitch. He snapped at me when I tried to ask him.

He sounds jealous to me.

Haha. Why would Ed be jealous of Ryan?

Oh, idk. Because he likes you???

He has a funny way of showing it.

If that’s even true. I mean, does he like me as more than a friend? Because it’s Edward. He might just be picking at Ryan because he called him short once or something. His irrational dislike of him may have nothing to do with me after all.

If I see him, I’ll tell him flowers are the more traditional romantic gesture.

I roll my eyes at her and shake my head, quickly hiding our written exchange when Mr. Havoc turns our way. Unfortunately, we don’t get the chance to pick up our conversation again before the bell rings, so as I walk into chemistry, I’m still feeling confused about the whole Ed-snapping-at-me situation.

Naturally, he’s standing at my lab station when I come in. Scratching the back of his head, looking sheepishly contrite, which is actually a pretty common expression for him. My heart squeezes, and I sigh. Even though I’m still hurt, it’s hard to be mad when he so clearly regrets what he said. He’s Edward. It’s not like I can just stop talking to him forever.

With that in mind, I pull the sleeves of the hoodie down over my palms and make my way to my seat.

Edward

Shit. What am I supposed to say? She’s got that look on her face that kills me. Plus, her bottom lip looks puffy like she’s been nibbling on it.

Fuck, I want to nibble on it.

What the hell? No, I don’t! She’s Winry for fuck’s sake. God, what has gotten into me.

“Hi.” She skirts around me and sits down on her stool.

“Winry, I can explain,” I say softly, trying to buy time. “It wasn’t–”

“I’m still mad at you,” she interrupts.

“I know.”

“I’m not interested in Ryan, you know,” she volunteers randomly.

“What? I never thought—Why would you even suggest–”

“Paninya said you sounded jealous.” She shrugs. “I figured it wasn’t that, but just in case, I thought I’d tell you.”

“Oh.” I blink, ignoring the intense feeling of relief flooding my chest. “Well, that wasn’t it at all.”

God, if Al were here right now…

“He asked me to prom,” she murmurs, and I ignore the way my muscles tense. “I told him I already had a date.”

My jaw drops, and I blink at her.

“You do?”

I mean, prom is only two weeks away, so I shouldn’t sound so surprised, but she hasn’t mentioned anyone to me. Hell, if her date is some fuckwad, I’m going to scare the shit out of him before he tries anything with her.

“Well…” She glances up at me before looking down, running her fingers over the grooves in the top of lap table. “I might. It depends.”

“On what?”

“On you.”

“Me?” I blink. “Y-you want to go to prom with me?”

“Well, I thought we could go as, um, friends,” she says softly, looking down. “Unless you have plans…”

Oh God. Is it hot in here? I can’t breathe.

“Right. Um, as friends. That’s, uh, fine,” I stammer. “I mean, I can do that.”

“Okay.” She looks up at me with a smile, and my heart trips over itself.

Dammit. What is happening?

She reaches up to push her bangs out of her eyes—damn those eyes are blue—and then I spot the red sleeve, and I freeze. She’s wearing my hoodie. I forgot she had it. Why is she wearing it now? It’s not even cold.

Oh crap. Seeing her wrapped in my clothes is making me hard. Seriously, what the hell? It’s not like I haven’t seen her in my jacket before.

She looks up at me, and I feel my cheeks going pink. Shit. I can’t let her catch me with a hard-on right now. I quickly slide onto the stool beside her, hoping no one is looking at me.

Luckily, the bell rings before Winry can say anything else. I take a slow breath as Mr. Mustang saunters up to the front of the class. At least chemistry is something I understand, so hopefully there won’t be any more surprises. Like Winry asking me to prom.

Fucking shit. I’m taking Winry to prom. I steal a look at her and feel my face get red. Or redder. Fuck, Al is never going to let me live this down.

“Good afternoon, class,” Mustang pipes up with that annoying grin of his. “Pop quiz.”

Well, fuck. So much for no surprises.

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