#like it's weirdly hard to talk about Star Wars bc it is just so so big and yet it /feels/ like it belongs to my dad and me

[queenlucythevaliant]

Okay, @laurelindorenan and @catkin-morgs were interested in my Star Wars thoughts, so here ya go. No particular order, just gonna ramble. Idk what all to discuss exactly, so this will be pretty broad-strokes.  

I am an Original Trilogy girl at heart and I do maintain that all three are actual masterpieces. All other Star Wars media, good bad or otherwise, is secondary in my book. Not an unusual opinion or anything, but maybe a little out of step with a lot of folks my age. I didn’t actually even see the prequel trilogy until the runup to The Force Awakens. 

And I just. I can’t even articulate the fondness and joy and giddy love that I have for those first three movies. For Luke, Leia, and Han. The whole supporting cast. The sound of Darth Vader’s breathing. Wookiee noises. Lightsabers and blasters and the jump to hyperspace. The sets! Hoth and the Death Star and the Millennium Falcon and Cloud City and -- and-- they’re so immersive and tangible and lived in and it always feel likes I could just step into them. The music!

I adore every single solitary thing about the romance between Leia and Han, which was probably the first love story I ever encountered that fully captivated my heart. It’s not just the bickering, it’s the fact that they change each other! They’re fire and steel together, but also Han learns to stay and to care because he loves Leia and Leia steps away from the rebellion to go after Han. He’s blind and frightened and he asks “who’s there” and she replies, “someone who loves you.” 

The themes of family tragedy and legacy and love and REDEMPTION! Han coming back to the Death Star and Lando the rebellion general and “I’ve got to save you!”/”You already have.” Luke, Luke the boy who throws aside his weapon and says “I am a Jedi like my father before me.” Who risks everything on the foolish, stupid hope that his father can be rescued from the Dark and he’s right. 

Thanks heavily to the influence of my dad, I’m an old fogey Star Wars fan who vehemently rejects the special editions. I alluded to the fact that I switched over to the despecialized edition to show my roommate the original Han/Greedo scene, subtitles be damned. I plan to do the same with the ending of Return of the Jedi. Idk, maybe that’s a little too rigid of me, but I can’t help it. I’m my father’s daughter. 

My personal ranking of the current cannon:

The good stuff, in order of preference: Jedi Empire, ANH (tentatively- my favorite OT movie is the one I've watched most recently), Clone Wars season 7, rest of Clone Wars, The Mandalorian seasons 1 and 2.

Revenge of the Sith is compelling in spite of itself, but I can't quite bring myself to call it good. I’m ehhh on Rogue One and Obi-Wan. I have a complicated relationship with The Last Jedi.

I actively dislike Solo, Attack of the Clones, The Force Awakens, Phantom Menace, and The Rise of Skywalker (UGH), in ascending order of badness.

Haven’t seen Andor, Book of Boba Fett, or any of Rebels apart from like, 4 episodes. Waiting to watch Mandalorian s3 with my Dad over Christmas.

I also read a whole bunch of the old EU books as a kid and while the quality is highly variable, I still have very fond memories of quite a lot of it. I fully maintain that the sequel trilogy should have pulled from the New Jedi Order series. I miss Jaina Solo.

The prequels are. Um. They’re less than the sum of their parts. The opening to Revenge of the Sith is straight fire and you know I love me a good doomed romance and I swear I could get high on “This is how liberty dies: with thunderous applause.” But like. Sigh. They’re not good movies, guys. I know a lot of people my age will defend these movies, but I just. No. Y’all are nuts. The older crowd is right, the prequels are, in fact, bad, but hey, at least they gave us Clone Wars. 

On the other hand, the sequel trilogy is just a blot on the series. In a vacuum, I do rather like The Last Jedi as a movie, particularly the last hour, but in the context of the original films it's terribly unfair and cruel to Luke. It had some great themes and striking visuals, though. I never much liked The Force Awakens once the initial high wore off because it was super bland and not nearly interesting enough to distract me from the fact that it broke up Han and Leia!! Like what the heck. And of course The Rise of Skywalker is utter garbage. 

I wish Disney would stop it with all the new Content(tm), or at least slow down. It's just too much.

idk what else to say. I reblog Star Wars stuff on my other blog sometimes, but ironically (because it’s the biggest franchise in the world basically), Star Wars is really personal to me. I’m always, always, always gonna connect it with my dad.

[pinkysberg]

personal under the cut bc i feel weird talking about anything red dead related anywhere else whoops.

so red dead is obv very important to me. in a very. obvious way lol. it's hard to ignore. and it's something im weirdly insecure about, im not sure why. i think im embarrassed about being 25 and loving something so intensely, even if that passion is directly related to like. a cognitive difference. i just feel kind of silly. so i don't talk about it much outside of the internet BUT

i wanted to get into dating, im about to graduate soon and i'll have time so i downloaded hinge uhh. in february? i don't know. and i was like. i gotta get this red dead thing out there NOW because i don't know how to bring this up. "yea i have a very deep, passionate love for this cowboy game. so much so i run multiple social media accounts dedicated to it. :)" so all i did was include a hinge voice note warning people not to bring it up bc i have a problem. in a silly joking manner.

well, this guy bit. he immediately piqued my interest by bringing it up and admitting he hadnt played. we ended up continuing to chat generally and at some point i'd mentioned that "red dead is like my star wars" to convey the level of intense passion i have for this game. he called that endearing. it ends up coming out that i run a tiktok for the game. (he will never hear about this account) and i was so stumbley and embarrassed about it, and he's weirdly impressed by it. he ends up finding the account while sending me a tiktok and then he tells me he likes that i enjoy it so much, that its a sweet trait.

anyway, he's my boyfriend now and that's very new for me. ive been in relationships but admittedly have done primarily e dating til this point bc. i don't know autism, anyway. the point is, this has been a really big step out of my comfort zone but it's been very rewarding for me thus far.

he said he wants to play the game as well. im going to ruin his life.

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

10 current favourite things about hermitcraft (in no particular order)

1) Proximity chat, first and foremost. As other people have said, it allows for more spontaneous and organic interactions on the server without faffing around with discord channels. In particular, the Hermits Helping Hermits stream yesterday was an absolutely glorious example. 

2)  Ren's skin having dog ears now. Plus the actual canon explanation for  them being that Bdubs accidentally snipped off his actual ears and replaced them surgically during a haircut that somehow went very wrong???

3) Pinkpulse. He went from freaking out when he saw Stress turned his base pink to going all out and having his hair dyed pink and his t-shirt turned pink, like this man really had a full-on mental crisis and came out the other side like “fuck it, pink base looks really good so let’s go nuts with it” and I love that for him.

4) Scar and Bdubs’s realty business war, from fighting over clients (*cough*Xisuma*cough*) to just trying to make their office bigger than the other’s. Anyone else having flashbacks to the tallest house competition from season 6?

5) Hermits pitching in to Tango’s Among Us project and expressing their hope that it’ll be finished soon. I can’t wait to see everyone play, especially the Hermits (Xisuma, Zedaph, etc) who we haven’t seen playing the actual game ALL I WANT IS SOME ZED AMONG US CONTENT IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK

6) Grian's expansion of the barge coinciding with the potential rise of Pacific. I’m personally loving the angst potential of the season 6 Architechs being on opposite sides of a business war. Probably won’t happen (one war per season, Grian) but a writer can dream!

7) Speaking of Mumbo, I have to mention the mental breakdown he had in his last episode (18/03/21). I’m very concerned about this man and someone definitely needs to check on him, but that being said, I absolutely died laughing many times that episode. “Hearing myself talk here, I’m starting to be concerned about my mental state” ME TOO MUMBO

8) Going back a bit, I gotta mention Tango’s reaction to False’s lil Perry the Platypus. As a massive Phineas and Ferb fan, I found it hilarious, endearing, and very relatable when he almost started crying and sang the Perry the Platypus theme song. (thank you for blessing us with this False)

9) Sewer Cats getting busted. Obviously I’m sad that this storyline has come to an end (mostly bc I was living for those Grian/Impulse collabs) but whenever a storyline like this finishes, it feels weirdly liberating as well, cuz who knows what’s gonna happen next! Would anyone have seen the entire Keralis/Cleo Games storyline coming back when Grian decided to build a secret base inside Impulse’s base just to show his viewers that he can do what he wants?

10) The whole HHH stream but particularly Grian in it. Showing up halfway through the stream having done no work so far and saying “you’re welcome” when Ren thanks them for their hard work. Ren: Grian if you’re not in proper Star Wars apparel I’m gonna be upset. Grian: *pause* Imma leave real quick-. Burning diamonds just to piss people off. Acknowledging essential workers. Saying that the best thing Canada ever made was Etho (yes I’ve already made a separate post about this. no i’m not gonna stop talking about it).  Admitting that he regularly has Nerf battles with his wife. “You guys shower?” 

And that’s it! Hermitcraft is always so good but there’s something about it at the moment that just fills me with joy. And honestly if I was to list every single thing I love about it, I’d be here a full week.

[nyaagolor]

may we please get the mirror world headcanons?

heck yes u may

Most of it will be under the cut bc I talk a lot

I like to think the Mirror World is a reflection of the regular world (I call it Prime World for convenience's sake), and by reflection I mean opposite. It's not opposite in a "good v evil" way, just in the sense that a mirror world counterpart is the inverse of their prime world self, for better or for worse. For example, Noddies in Prime World sleep for most of their lives, while Mirror Noddies barely ever sleep and are constantly alert. Instead of a Sleep Ability, they give Panic, aka the Kirby equivalent of slurping down 15 espresso shots in a row. The mirror world counterparts are no better or worse than the prime world, just different!

Headcanons for all the mirror world counterparts of the Star Allies (or at least the ones I've thought abt) are under the cut :3c

Shadow Kirby (Skirby): Where Prime Kirby is reckless, bold, and overconfident, Skirby is reserved, cautious, and kinda pessimistic. They're no weaker or meaner than Prime Kirby, but seem a bit shy and non-confrontational because they always want to scope out the scene before they launch into anything. Some might call it cowardly, but Skirby thinks it's pragmatic. Much like prime Kirby, though, he's the hero of Popstar and is usually the planet's last defense against whatever eldritch horror comes their way. He deserves a break, though, since unlike Prime Kirby he's not surrounded by friends to help him out

Shadow Dedede (SDDD): He started off as a good king, always being diligent, professional, and responsible in contrast to Prime DDD's self-serving, goofy ways. He wanted what was best for the mirror world, but life didn’t make it easy. The mirror dees, rather than the loyal helpers we know from the prime world, were backstabbing jerks who were loyal to no one but themselves. SDDD tried so hard to be a good king, but had no one to help, no one to pull him out of a slump, so he just slipped through the cracks and got worse. Bitterness and anger consumed him until he started looking out for himself and himself only. He became a tyrant, turning into an iron-fisted, merciless ruler whose laws were enforced through violence. DDD got better with the help of his friends, but SDDD got much, MUCH worse as a result of his isolation and loneliness. Also he has a battle axe instead of a hammer bc I think it's cool

Dark Meta Knight (DMK): He's basically the antithesis of a knight: he's willing to work for anyone no matter how rotten they are; he always plans on backstabbing them later, cares about no one but himself, never plays fair, and is a lazy, rude jerk. He likes spicy foods instead of sweets, challenges children to duels WITHOUT offering them a sword first, and is deathly afraid of heights, despite having wings. He was in the process of creating a land-razing tank called the Halberd, but his crew betrayed him and cut up his wings and mask so now he isolates himself out of anger and fear. After being with the Star Allies, he's made some friends and realized the value of teamwork-- also he likes teaching Adeleine swears. With Dark Mind gone and the Mirror World still a bit of a dump, DMK would much rather hang out in the prime world and get on Meta Knight's nerves. He tries his best to protect the two (2) people in the mirror world he does tolerate, though (it's skirby and sddd).

Mirror Bandee: Hates SDDD with a passion. In fact, he's attempted to assassinate the king at least 26 times, but fails both because SDDD is way smarter than him and also Mirror Bandee is a sniveling coward who runs at the first sign of danger. His repeated failures have made him more of a scaredy cat, so no one takes him seriously anymore. He has a knife and ties his bandana around his "mouth" like a scarf, but it doesn't help to make him more intimidating. His repeated attempts to kill the king (and more recently Skirby and DMK, who hang out with SDDD) have become a constant in their lives and weirdly enough they don't mind his company.

Mirror Marx: I always assumed that Prime Marx was a noddy with Mirror instead of sleep. Well Mirror Marx is the opposite-- instead of having Panic like the regular hyperactive Mirror Noddies, he has sleep. He didn't show up for the events of Amazing Mirror bc he was snoozin. Because of this, he never got the Nova's powers, never tricked skirby, and never did anything evil. In fact, unlike Prime Marx, Mirror Marx cares too much about everyone's feelings, is always kind, and doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He's the glue holding the mirror world together bc not even the worst of villains want to hurt him. He's just so darn CUTE

Mirror Animal Friends: Imagine the animal friends. Give them angry expressions and sunglasses. Now make them part of a gang. Yeah that's it. The Animals are no friend of skirby's and would sooner maul the poor kid than ever lend him a paw (or flipper or wing). The forest bows to their whims and they rule it like your typical mafia boss. They're jerks.

Mirror Daroach: See these posts.

Dark Taranza: Hoo BOY he's bad. He's real bad. He rules over Mirror Floralia (Sporalia?) which is underground and filled with nasty creepy crawlies. He hates getting his hands dirty and will do anything it takes to get more power and luxury so long as he doesn't have to put himself in danger. He only cares about one thing, and that's himself. What about Queen Sectonia, you ask? She was the original queen of Mirror Floralia, but Dark Taranza mind-controlled her into his puppet to do his bidding. When the people finally snapped and declared war on the tyrannical queen, it was her they shattered, being none the wiser that Dark Taranza was the one pulling the strings. He still has a box of her shards in his castle, just in case he needs a new puppet to play with. He loves jewels and machines, all things inorganic. The imperfections of flowers? Not his style.

Mirror Magolor: Quick tangent here: Mirror Lor Starcutter, rather than being a ship to BRING people to paradise, is a sort of pocket paradise, a little virtual reality magic... thing. It can also be easily modified to only open from the outside. That's important for later. Anyway, Mirror Magolor is brutally honest, but also rude, unfriendly, impulsive, and incredibly violent. He hates machines and will start punching a lamppost if he accidentally walks into it. Scrappy little dude. He would actually rather claw his ears off than be friends with another living being. He just likes brawling and destroying ancient artifacts and that's it. Well one day he tells the mirror crew he wants to go get this thing called the Master Crown so he can destroy it. SDDD, Skirby, Mirror Bandee and DMK realize hey, that'd be nice for us to have, let's join him and then betray him at the last minute. As soon as they get there, though, the crown ends up choosing Mirror Mags as a host before anyone can do anything. Oops! The others manage to shatter him... but then the crown pulls his shards back together and attacks them again. Realizing he's both totally lost it and also immortal, the others lock Mirror Mags inside the Lor as the crown erodes the last of his humanity. Consumed by blind rage and the crown's power, Mirror Magolor just lashes out at anything that moves, biting and clawing at whatever he can reach like a feral cat. There's like a 80% chance he has rabies.

Sorry to Susie, Gooey, Adeleine, and all the non-Star Allies crew, I haven't thought abt them yet

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 10/5/21

this particular tuesday holds many problems for me but that’s enough about that! it’s media time!

listening two wildly different songs!

cairo by san fermin. this is inextricably linked with like the first ten days of the pandemic, where all i really did was go for extremely long rambles at godawful hours around campus so as not to interact with anyone else. but! i was driving to go check out a big free pile and it was soft and lovely out by the connecticut river, and it reminded me of [REDACTED FORMER HOUSE VERY FAR AWAY] in a way that didn’t hurt, and this song came on, and my brain just shut itself off for a bit. your own personal mileage with this song may vary.

simping for the villain by boy jr. this is another song i found bc my sister curates the best tikkety tocks for me and i think this young lady is simply delightful!

reading kenobi by john jackson miller. so i draft these posts on sunday night so i can think about filling any holes/let things percolate over the next day or so, and my one note here was “kenobi UGH”. i don’t care about these main characters who are not Obi-Wan and who are callously cruel for the hell of it and have nearly no redeeming qualities. how the fuck am i supposed to relate to these embittered people when you have no shown me how they got to be the way they are, JJM??? they’re just bad parents bc the desert made them do it?

the contrast of the Tusken parent is interesting bc she is a sympathetically flawed figure- a tactical genius struggling to hold together the last of her tribe but also consumed by revenge. however, JJM really trips and falls face first into also making her a noble savage as opposed to the rest of her simpleminded crew, bc she received the touch of genius from a jedi and that’s why she’s smart or whatever. terrible. also, Tusken culture and traditions as presented in this book are…not how any real people in our world live bc it simply isn’t sustainable. people have been caring for disabled people as long as there have been people. people are still useful even if they can’t hold a melee weapon. also, incredibly secondary complaint, an absolute dearth of the beautiful north african/afghan/vaguely arab-flavored flintlock-inspired rifles from the films.

this book lifts Quite a lot from jack schaefer’s Shane and the film The Searchers (1956, dir. Ford). this is essentially (from the first half) Shane rewritten with occasional deeply upsetting interludes by Obi-Wan, who apparently picked his name off a map when he (checks notes) legally registered his home.you are UNDERCOVER, my guy!!! there are very few bits from Obi-Wan’s perspective but the bits we do get of him trying to talk to Qui-Gon and failing are deeply upsetting, he’s such a gregarious person and exiling himself as self-flagellation for failing Anakin is very hard to watch. put more of that in instead of this banal will-they-won-’t-they subplot-that’s-a-main-plot between a widower and a divorcee. 

JJM has had a terrible sense of pacing in everything i’ve read from him- infamously, The Lost Tribe of the Sith doesn’t really get going until three-quarters of the way through.i am not a particular fan of his prose, although i can’t really say any of the star wars books are enjoyable as a pure standalone product. you have to Really like star wars to read these fucking books. i do feel like this has made my own writing slightly better bc it is now easier to see certain pitfalls in my own shit. deeply embarrassing tho.

watching escape from new york (1981, dir. Carpenter). sometimes a woman simply wants to get weirdly faintly homesick for the big apple and see kurt russell pout and have a terrible horrible no good very bad day. i cannot tell you why my brain is this way, merely link you to where i privateered the film.

playing fallow week bc i don’t want to talk about genshin in depth beyond: i finally got the mean ice pikewoman. thank u october

making rejiggering the kitchen. i am the person who uses the kitchen the least but somehow i am putting all of my effort into making that the most functional room in the apartment right now. hm. anyway bc three people (one of whomst is very into various sandwich toppings) all using one fridge is not a very good time, we now have a minifridge EXCLUSIVELY for condiments. it feels decadent and bourgeoisie in a way i cannot describe

oh also repainted this shelf i got off the side of the road, to live in this weird nook by our radiator/where the fireplace got ripped out when my landlord renovated. it has will have marble contact paper on the actual surface of the shelves bc tbh even after wire brushing the living hell out of it, the spray paint did not cover enough sins. pots and pans and things the radiator will not melt are going to live on here i think.

before/where it is now/from the kitchen door (condiment mini fridge on the left under the counter). that’s such a fucked up little corner, my god, also WOW the lighting in there is very yellow huh

nothing says “baby’s first apartment where it came unfurnished and she isn’t subletting” like some repurposed garage shelves i guess

[yuurivoice]

Hey there! In response to FatWS’ pacing: (Oh god don’t take this the wrong way, just had a discussion regarding what happens when a screenplay becomes wayyyyy too close to reality)

The story goes that there was supposed to be a v*rus heavy subplot (bc under any other circumstances this wouldn’t have been a problem). You still get hints of it with the quickly mentioned vaccines/vaccine trucks never to be seen again, and the weirdly timed ADR throughout especially regarding a character’s “tuberculosis” diagnosis and that one scene where everyone’s watching a building go up in flames on their phone.

It doesn’t account for everything off about the pacing and nearly every character’s development, but it’s safe to assume that some of that development was probably lost in the subplot and couldn’t be removed without context. (It wouldn’t surprise me if Bucky’s older neighbor from the first episode was supposed to d*e from the v*rus before he could make amends but hey that’s all speculation.)

But on the bright side! FatW’s salvaging attempt was the reason WandaVision got bumped from like third or fourth outing to first. (honestly not mad though?? it worked out better that way???)

Sooo yeah, that’s supposedly why it is the way it is. 🙃

Yep, I’m aware, I’ve watched the videos talking about it and junk. That’s why I said it got butchered in the editing room, didn’t want to make a long response even longer. (I’ve been consuming a lot of analysis/critique media re: Marvel and Star Wars lately.)

But also, I can’t say for sure if left intact that plotline would actually help anything. I guess we’d get a better grasp of the Flagsmasher’s motivations, which would help, but I still feel like us being strangers to their team and struggle makes it hard to buy in. But not many of my gripes come from that aspect in particular, they were always going to play second fiddle to the Captain America plot and serve as the moral dilemma rather than the “real” conflict. 

I think in general all of the streaming shows will be much improved moving forward. The fact that they were able to put this much together during a pandemic is impressive, and I don’t think the show is necessarily bad or anything. It’s fine, and the action is on par with everything we would see in a Captain America film, so I ain’t mad at that either. I think the last two episodes will salvage what has mostly been a ho hum kind of adventure thus far. I hope so at least!

I can imagine the board meetings that followed when the team was like “Hey so, we have this virus thing in our show...and uh...what do y’all wanna do about that?” and then Disney had to run a couple of focus groups to figure out what people thought about that, rather than trust anyone’s creative integrity to lead the way.

But that’s none of my business. >.>

[locria-writes]

Which high school tropes/cliches would MC, the ROs and any other characters you want to include (like Doradeira, Yunning, etc.) be in that High School AU?

i feel like as much as we love a good high school au, it’s probably super difficult to actually translate abea into it without everyone suddenly being uber creepy to poor mc (/‿＼✿)

mc

the new grade 12 transfer student who fits the ‘sick lonely rich kid’ trope

channels that “i’m so tired of everything pls let me graduate and move on with my life” vibe 1000% of the time, and is always so confused about everything like why is everyone so intense all the time????

childhood friends with lulu, and probably only really ever talks with him or ouren bc even though they’re weird, they’re a normal kind of weird. more or less adopted by doradeira as her new best friend tho, and azorius is just kinda,,,,,there??

doesn’t really fit into any ‘clique’, but bc she has friends in “high places” (lulu and doradeira), nobody really picks on her

either in art club (art focus), choir (charm focus), science olympiad (scholar focus), or archery club (war focus)

probably has a secret club of simps fawning after her that lulu fights off idk and she probably never gets it when he confesses to her lol

launcelin

the history teacher who’s waaay too overqualified for his position bc he has a phd in history, despite only being in his late twenties

super intense in class bc he gets really passionate about history lol. his tests and assignments are probably really hard, but he’s always willing to give extra help and extensions

disowned and disinherited by his dad, and has honestly never been happier -- especially since he took in ouren as a ward/adopted son, and now has most of his life together

has terrible taste in women and an awful dating history, so he’s just happy to be single and literally doesn’t get why so many of his female students (and some male) are so interested in his love life

supervises a bunch of weird and obscure clubs bc his students asked him to, and doesn’t really get any of it, but happily supports them

has a soft spot for mc since she’s his best friend’s little sister, and honestly, he identifies with her confused and tired energy

vezian

a grade 12 jock who’s also the heir to this massive business, and boy does he have the arrogance to show for it

has the exact personality you think -- arrogant, conceited, but surprisingly charismatic, and does have a soft side every now and then (mostly regarding doradeira)

has a very strange and vitriolic rivalry with lulu bc the latter beat him at the elections; super popular otherwise, and bc he isn’t totally disrespectful most of the time, liked by a lot of teachers too, except for launcelin bc he constantly fights with his older half-brother (despite the latter ignoring him most of the time)

totally still a manwhore who probably has a new gf every month or so, but at least he doesn’t do anything cheesy like the “omg one month anniversary!!!” so almost tolerable??

probably does all kinds of sport, but i’m gonna say lacrosse, since it’s just snobby enough, and violent enough for him. probably also a student council member and spends most of the meetings arguing with lulu

has a list of girls he wants to “date” before graduation, and unfortunately, mc is at the top of it

lu’anyu

the grade 12 hustler who’s literally in so many clubs it’s not even funny and half the school is convinced he sells drugs on the side

lives off of red bull and whatever scraps mc feeds him at lunch and everyone swears that he sustains himself off of stress

likes taking the piss out of vezian, but in a very eloquent and passive-aggressive way; very popular otherwise bc he has a princely demeanour, but is a surly old man at heart

has a lot of admirers, but everyone is too intimidated to ask him out, and are now convinced he’s dating mc anyway

thrives off of stress -- student council president, wrestling, archery, science olympiad, debate -- nobody knows how tf he does it, not even the teachers

heart eyes only for mc; keeps confessing to her, except he doesn’t do it in a straightforward way, so mc never gets it lol

ouren

the accidental heartbreaker of grade 12, but everyone loves him anyway bc he’s just too nice and sweet (plus, he’s a great ‘in’ to get to launcelin)

literally always has something nice to say (or just polite if it’s launcelin), and some people swear they see a beam of sunlight when he smiles

one of those ‘popular’ kids who has a lot of friends, but very few close ones. vibes a lot with mc, and surprisingly doradeira, and gets along weirdly with lulu

an unintentional heartbreaker bc he’s so suave and charming, but he’s never intentionally flirting, and always tries to gently turn down confessions

lives in the art room most of the time; always has paint smears on his uniform and hands, and mostly does landscape paintings

has a crush on mc and is so confused??? too afraid to confess, so he’s just happy to be friends with her

doradeira

for the sake of a consistent timeline, is vezian’s twin, and queen bee of the school (inadvertently; she just couldn’t stand the last one lol)

kind of a bitch, but the good kind? literally couldn’t care less about what other people think, kind of petty, stands by her own morals, and won’t compromise them ever

as a queen bee, she has to be popular, but she is just really well-liked in general? a bit too outspoken, but generally isn’t really mean or unnecessarily petty, and is undeniably a fun person to be around; adopts mc as her new best friend bc why not

would love to dip her toes into the dating scene, except vezian keeps scaring away any guy who so much as looks at her wrong. she’s not very amused

i wanna go full on cliche and say she’s a cheerleader, but she also kind of gives off drama kid vibes (except drama kids will never be popular rip)??

azorius

a pretty average grade 12 kid, nothing insane or weird about him really

is really normal? he’s mostly polite and kind of shy, but not overly so in any way

just kinda exists in the social hierarchy. he’s not super popular, not unpopular, just smack dab in the middle. has friends, but no one really close, and doesn’t really have any enemies either

hasn’t really dated much, and doesn’t really intend to. he’s satisfied with being single for the next while anyway

probably more on the sporty side, so wrestling maybe? lacrosse? not a star player, but definitely better than average

just kinda goes *heart eyes* at mc on first sight. major simp what can i say

[millennial-ring]

Can we get more on the three P's? Pain, Pride, and Pure?

           17. PAIN

So this is actually the document where I saved the RP where Bakura came back to find Malik engaged to Seto, aptly named “PAIN” because it’s...fairly angsty. Me and this friend used to RP on Skype, making new group chats with side accounts before deleting them and leaving the two of us (which is so unnecessarily inconvenient lol but it’s what we had to do so we could rp multiple things at a time/not lose the rp in our regular group) and whenever we finished or got bored of an RP one of us would sit down, scroll all the way to the top, and copy and paste the entire thing into a word doc for re-readability. We rp’d it for well over a year, if not longer, so there’s no way to really reread it and condense it into a summary because sooo much happens. I guess highlights that I remember (or at least thing I remember fgjkdjh? we started this rp in 2016)

Bakura gives Malik a necklace he made himself (instead of a ring) before they part ways and Malik ofc keeps wearing it even after Bakura comes back and screams at them. There’s one scene early into the power relationship (when Malik still considers them fuck buddies) where Malik jumps into bed with Ryou, shoves his phone into his face, and starts screaming about Seto’s “you’re adorable” reply to a no-make up, bedhead selfie Malik had sent (bc how dare Seto be cute and do romantic things like that and kiss Malik’s hand and feed Malik chocolate covered strawberries before sex and buy him jewelry when they’re just fucking!) and Ryou’s just like “oh my fucking god just date him already gtfo my room I want to sleep.” Uhm... Malik and Seto are in the middle of wedding planning (visiting Isis and Rishid in Egypt at the time) when Bakura comes back, but they’re talking about a spring wedding in one of the parks/gardens in Seto’s neighborhood and Seto makes a comment about having the ceremony under the wisteria tree because he wants to see wisteria blossoms in Malik’s hair. Malik imagines brushing stray petals from Seto’s hair as they lean in for the kiss that will bind them for life - and then ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. Bakura passes out after using all his energy to scream at Malik (bc he JUST returned from the shadows, having had to go through multiple trials and actually give up some of his memories to be able to return) and they put him in the guest bedroom while Malik calls Ryou for help. While they wait for Ryou, Bakura wakes up and crawls out the window and runs away LOL. Uhm... Malik has a fluffy white therapy cat, ykno one of those grumpy looking smoosh faced ones, named Bakura. At some point while they’re still in Egypt Ryou takes Bakura to Kul Elna, where there’s a monument/memorial to the people that died in the massacre, and a very close knit community. Ryou takes Bakura to a community garden run by a pregnant woman named Adela who also owns a restaurant there - the food grown by the locals is used in the restaurant and iirc there was also some kind of donations thing going on where struggling families could come and take whatever they needed provided they bring back seeds or the scraps for compost or help a bit in the garden or something like that. I don’t think we ever made it explicit but we were pretty much implying that Adela was Bakura’s Actual Mom reincarnated. I think Bakura was also around for the birth, but I can’t remember much of it aside from him holding the baby. But the modern Kul Elna village actually practiced a lot of the old traditions and Bakura’s like “whoa... fuck it I might move here”. Uuuhh Bakura tells Ryou how every family in Kul Elna had a special “tzai” (tea) recipe and it could only be shared with people close to said family...before he makes some for Ryou. I think my friend got this from Star Wars? But I like it and we’ve included it in basically all our rps since. Uhm~ At one point Bakura kisses Malik and Malik slaps him and that’s how Bakura knows It’s Really Over. Malik and Seto play rock paper scissors to decide who bottoms every now and then, but it’s moreso a way to say “I want to bottom tonight but for some reason my pride keeps me from saying it outright” (dear 2016 us: bottoming is not shameful!) but also we never rp’d it, it was part of a time skip, but Malik and Seto had a threesome with Ryou and Ryou ate Seto’s ass. That’s all. We had Atem coming back and I remember he wanted to try and smooth things over but whenever Bakura saw him he had a panic attack. Uhm...that’s all for now lol, I can’t really remember much else.

             18. pride

Unfortunately, again, this is not a document about prideshipping. Every so often I get emotional and I start writing emotional things that I think I’ll post to Facebook, but then I either chicken out because I don’t want to be known or perceived. Let people continue to think I’m a hyperactive halfwit and have no deeper meaning to my thoughts. It’s chill. 

But this one was about the concept of LGBT Pride and how I felt about it, how startled I am sometimes when I run across support and acceptance in unconventional or unexpected places, how I worked hard to be comfortable enough to make the “because I’m gay” jokes out loud because growing up in a rural Kansas town I was exposed to my fair share of homophobia, both from family and from community, and even the people I called friends. It was gonna be one of those “wow I love my friends and family because now that I’ve weeded out the assholes I’m surrounded by love and support and this is exactly how much it means to me and why!” kinda posts, but I’m really bad at those, so this stayed in my WIPs. Maybe when Pride month rolls around again and I get nostalgic and emotional again I’ll finish it.

             19. pure

This one’s a “fic” written about mine and my friend’s OCs from an old superhero/supervillain RP group. My character, Zaine, was separated from his girlfriend, Tansy, during a battle with heroes that killed a lot of supers and civilians alike. They were reunited after a few years (both had assumed the other had died and somehow hadn’t run into each other at all asdkja, it was our excuse as to why the characters had changed so much (since we were coming back to rp these characters after a few years ourselves, and wanted to revamp them a bit without them losing their relationships or experiences). But in that time, Zaine became better friends with his buddy Forest, and before the gal who made Tansy rejoined the group, me and the guy who made Forest were debating if Zaine and Forest should get together. But Tansy came back and Zaine got back together with her, but I made it canon that Zaine was crushing on Forest prior to that/still a bit after Tansy came back. Zaine is in a band and it’s sort of a running joke that his band members are all betting how long it takes for a threesome or for Tansy (who’s a bit possessive) to attack Forest, and they constantly tease Zaine about how much time he spends with Forest, make “hey don’t fuel the shippers” jokes, some other stuff along those lines, etc. It’s all good natured tho.

Anyway that’s all canon. The fic was “pureshipping” - Zaine, Tansy, and Forest. It was kinda me exploring how a relationship might develop between the three of them and I was writing little bits for my friends at work based on the answers they gave me to the “How would they react to/feel about this” questions I asked before turning that into a proper story. 

It started with Tansy trying to remember when exactly she became open to the idea of polyamory, since as I said, she’s a bit possessive and got jealous easily. She recalls a night Zaine brings Forest back to their apartment after a bachelor party, with them plastered and barely able to stand. They fall down, and Zaine shushes Forest because Tansy has her laptop out and she’s working. Forest shushes Zaine back, they put their fingers against each other’s lips and keep shushing each other, drawing closer until the only thing separating their mouths are their fingers, and Tansy’s just like “whoa” and something clicks because A) she sees Zaine’s lids lower while looking at Forest the way they do when he wants to kiss HER and B) why is she not freaking out about this isn’t she a poisonous little viper that hisses at anyone that tries to flirt with Zaine? But nope, she’s never been jealous of Forest even if his and Zaine’s relationship is fairly intimate for what most consider friendship. And then a few days later she sees one of those memes that’s like “Zaine has two hands” (bc Forest is also a famous musician, and he and Zaine do a lot together, both professionally on the music front and in like. Idk, livestreams and general hanging out. so ofc weirdos ship them, and since Zaine and Tansy went public there’s gonna be ppl that include her in the weirdness) on a TVD fan page she follows so she understands some of Zaine’s inside jokes and she sees a comment from Zaine’s official facebook that’s like “these hands were made for holding!” 

and Tansy’s like. “Oh shit. Zaine DOES have two hands!” so a few days later over breakfast she asks Zaine how he REALLY feels about Forest and ofc he’s like “he’s my best friend???” and Tansy’s like “ok but no for real how do you REALLY feel about him” and then calls him out about about having a crush on him and Zaine, who’s canonically weirdly monogamous is like “no!!” but Tansy whittles him down until he admits he “HAD” a crush on Forest before he and Tansy reconnected, but swears nothing happened between them and Tansy’s like “WOULD YOU LIKE TO?” and brings up the idea of Zaine dating Forest, and Zaine’s like “I’m with you, Tans, I didn’t mean to make you feel inadequate” and she’s like “I appreciate it but not what I meant. I know you, Zaine, I know you’re a lover and not being able to tell Forest how you really feel is hurting you, so if you want to then I highly encourage you ask him out” and after like 2 whole days of debating Zaine comes back to her saying he was going to, and then a few days later they invite Forest over to have The Talk and Tansy says they’re free to date, but Forest is still mourning Kelvin, his fiancé that “died” ((in quotes bc these aren’t our characters to actually kill so all characters are just assumed dead if the roleplayer didn’t rejoin but ofc if they came back “hey surprise i’m alive!) in the war between heroes and villains and says he needs time to think about it. He thinks it over for two whole weeks -and in the meantime, Tansy is happy to see his and Zaine’s relationship hasn’t changed at all- before agreeing. They sit down to discuss boundaries and permissions and whatever, and this line: 

Tansy would never dream of forbidding them from doing anything that she and Zaine would do, especially because Zaine was a lover. He loved with all his heart, soul, and body, as if his purpose in life was to treasure his partners so thoroughly they would never question his feelings for them. It would be unfair to Forest and downright cruel to Zaine for Tansy to restrict them.

aaaa I know I wrote it but I love it. So after boundaries are discussed and all that Zaine and Forest have their first proper kiss, and it’s so sweet Tansy feels breathless alongside them. The three of them cuddle up to watch a movie but Zaine’s paying more attention to the two of them, taking turns kissing each of them while Tansy and Forest accidentally start competing for who can pull the most reactions from Zaine. Forest starts spending every weekend at Zaine and Tansy’s place and it always ends with them cuddling on the couch while watching movies, Zaine between them, but overtime Forest and Tansy become more affectionate with each other and end game was obviously the three of them, but I stopped writing it just after Forest spent the first night in bed with them.

Tansy smiled and looped her arm around Zaine, cuddling up to his side like a cat seeking attention. Zaine’s own arm found its way around her shoulders to keep her close. The last thing Tansy saw before her eyes dropped closed was Forest on the other side of Zaine mirroring her, and the last touch she registered was Forest’s hand brushing over her arm.

[ilovedyouinsecret]

@princess-of-paper-and-ink​, queen, I love you. I tried to answer the message but had a big brain moment and deleted it instead...the worms are acting up. Anyway, I made a note of the numbers bc it’s still showing up in my activity feed.

3. rant. just do it weirdly enough I’m having a hard time thinking of anything to rant about at the moment?? I guess most recently my mom has been trying to talk to me about relationships and sexuality given that I have disabilities. For 2 of the classes I took incompletes in this summer, I wrote papers on disability and sex/sexuality/bodily autonomy and my mom really pushed for personal stuff from me (I would talk while she made notes/typed since it’s easier for me and she’s faster), and then like yesterday or the day before she tried to give me advice on how to approach being in a relationship and expressing myself which was brought on by her thinking of one of the papers I used about how better communication (in this case in the bdsm community) helped people with disabilities have better sexual experiences so she was basically just saying that I should just tell my s/o about everything and what makes me nervous (not even about sex just about the social limitations I have) and it was all just very upsetting bc like there’s a very big difference between talking to a friend about limits and talking to strangers about it which is what I was talking about the one time I brought it up like 10 months ago. In any case, my mom just oversteps a lot when it comes to things related to me being (physically) disabled and it’s hard to deal with bc I know she means well and she’s codependent so like she feels like she has to make sure everyone is happy and comfortable all the time, but it’s just...I don’t know how to explain it. It feels like she’s talking down to me or expecting that I can’t think of the obvious solution bc I’m so wrapped up in self-consciousness? In better news, I love folklore so much and I’m making a sweater for my sister’s cat that I hope turns out super ugly bc I love him.

17. google the top song from the year you were born a quick search says “Too Close” by Next

25. what’s something you can’t stop buying? hmmmm honestly spending money makes me really nervous especially for things that aren’t like getting a drink or some food on campus. There’s a pretty good taco chain around town that I’ve been going to more recently, but I guess other than that I have a hard time saying no to anything star wars related (or Taylor Swift but there were too many choices for folklore and lover that I still haven’t gotten physical copies for either one)

ask me things!

[angelaiswriting]

Relics | Steve Rogers x reader

[original picture found on: pinterest]

✏️ Pairings: (post!Infinity War) Steve Rogers x fem!reader

✏️ Requested by @sweetvengeancee :  Allllllright bitches, here I come with a sweet yet smutty 😏😏 Steve Rogers request! How about one.. Where he comes home after the whole Thanos thing all alert and scared bc he doesn’t know if YN made it or not? Then he sees her but she’s all shaking etc bc she just witnessed some people just disappear and she’s confused and he’s trying to calm her down and idk how (🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️) but it ends in a sweet lovemaking session?? ❤️

✏️ A/N: I think there’s close to zero fluff, I’m sorry haha It’s also set quite a while after the whole Thanos thing, I’m sorry, I’m still fighting with myself to get back on track. Hopefully you’ll still enjoy it (I’ll be waiting for you in our chat haha)

✏️ Warnings: angst + smut, so 18+ only (minors, please don’t cheat)

✏️ Word-count: 4,049

Nowadays, everything Steve does is commit her to memory. Ever since losing Bucky and a good part of his friends, this has become his new mission. It’s what drags him out of bed when all he wants to do is drawn into the darkness of his mind, and it’s what gets him going, what pushes him through every hour of every day.

Y/N.

Hers is a name he always repeats. There’s a litany of names in his mind, it’s his morning ritual. And among the names of his lost ones, there’s that of his living girlfriend. It’s a way to remember – or to remind himself – that he could have lost her, that he had been so close to losing the woman he loves.

That’s a constant thought in his mind. It makes him restless, it squeezes his heart in a vice, poisonous grip. It brings up a what if? after the other, in an endless list of things that could have happened – that could still happen.

He doesn’t want to lose her. He doesn’t want to wake up one day and find her gone. Out of his life. He doesn’t want another-

He turns on his side under blankets that weigh like lead, that crash his body under their silky, painful touch.

She’s right there, next to him, and yet, she feels worlds apart. She’s still sleeping, facing him as she always does. After having witnessed the pulverizing of more people than she told him about, she doesn’t want to take her eyes off of him, either. So, she makes sure to fall asleep watching him – just as he falls asleep watching her – and she also makes sure to wake up and make him the first thing she sees. Not the alarm clock with its glowing red numbers on her bedside table, not the rooftops visible outside the window to her right, not the white ceiling of the room, but him.

And Steve does the same. Before the snap, he had never stopped to consider and ponder how much of an importance she held in his life, but now, in this half-empty, half-lived life, he keeps her in the palm of his hand, for she hangs the sun, the moon and all of the stars for him. He wants to fill her life in more ways than he can consciously think of, and, at the same time, he’s scared to lose her. He’s terrified by the idea of this being a mere illusion of his shattered mind.

But he stares at her and he convinces himself that she’s real, that the gentle breath he feels against his skin is not an hallucination. He doesn’t question his luck, he never does. That stubborn question – how was I so lucky to be allowed her survival? – is always there, always nagging him, but his need to live is stronger than the marshy uncertainty of his mind.

She’s there and he’s there with her and that’s all that matters.

Just then, her eyelashes flutter. The first light of day stubbornly seeping in through the light curtains makes her skin glow. Ethereal – that’s what she looks like. Ethereal and ephemeral in the feeble light of the early morning.

Her breath hiccups in the back of her throat, her eyes run back and forth underneath her eyelids. Her right leg moves up higher, her knee bumps against his thigh, her head tilts upward against the pillow. A sob tears from her throat.

It’s Steve’s cue to wake her up. He knows what she’s dreaming about – or, better, what that nightmare is about. It’s what plagues his nights – so similar and yet so different. The fact that the city, once buzzing with life, is now dead-silent even at this hour of the day doesn’t make it easier, doesn’t shoo the past away. The whole world feels like a graveyard, every house - a tombstone, and Steve fears nothing will ever be the same. In the safe nest of his apartment, in the arms of his woman, that’s where he can delude himself into thinking things are – almost – normal, but once he steps out of the door…

There probably is no going back.

Sometimes he thinks there should be no going back. It’s a mad thought and it’s silly, but it’s also what stuffs his muscles with cotton, what turns him into a – partly lifeless – puppet. How could the world ever be the same now? How could it get back up on its feet? Start again? Build life? Live life?

His fingertips dance along the skin of her arm, they wake goosebumps in their wake, and today, skin and heart so thin anything could break them, those goosebumps hurt. They hurt him more than they do her – he doesn’t get goosebumps. His muscles don’t contract to make his hair stand up, his skin doesn’t tense, it doesn’t react.

Restless mind, immobile body, unbreakable skin, shattered heart.

It feels like nature’s cruel joke, to be constantly reminded of anything – anything he’s had and anything he won’t ever be again.

His hand moves down her arm, pushes the blankets down her body, circles her waist to rest on her lower back. He scoots closer, moves her leg to settle his between hers, and she stirs in her sleep, lets out a long sigh.

They sleep naked these days. They need contact with each other’s skin, even if they drift apart during the night. It starts with them embracing each other, holding onto the other for dear life, and it ends with them universes apart, mattress cold between their weirdly warm bodies.

Steve kisses her forehead, her eyelids, then. He breathes her in, tries to commit to memory the way she smells like first thing in the morning, the way her skin feels against his. The way her heart seems to beat right next to his. His hand roams the side of her body – up her back and then back down it, across the curve of her butt, along her thigh, the back of her knee, and then back up and down again, until she comes back to him.

It’s always a slow process, the one that brings her back to reality, but it always feels sudden and painful and unexpected. Almost undeserved. How can they deserve to live? How can they-

“Steve.” It’s a pained whisper, the one she lets out. It tears its way up her throat, it burns her tongue as her lips brush against his, their faces so close it’s almost hard to put each other back into focus.

He whispers nonsense back to her, eyes drifting closed as he breathes her in. He wants to make sure this is the last thing he’ll think about the day he dies – her. The way she feels in his arms, so small and fragile and, at the same time, so immense and invincible. Unattainable. The way her breasts brush against the cool skin of his chest with every breath she takes – that means she’s alive, that he has not lost her yet, that he should live in the present and that he should live her the way she lives him.

“Steve,” she murmurs again and she peppers light kisses across his face the way he has kissed her just a moment ago. Her lips quiver, her breath shivers.

Minds restless, it takes longer for their bodies to wake up, to come back to reality. It’s like a slow, spring-like thawing after the darkness of the night. It starts deep within them, when their hearts skip a beat before they come back to life, rhythm dull and deafening at the same time. It spreads to their lungs and it feels like breathing new air. And they both sigh, cheek-to-cheek, eyes closed, both too focused into making sure the other is really there, that this is not a dream.

It’s not. And it makes them smile, and there’s another sigh – a relieved one, this time.

Their skins tingle, then, and there’s a shiver running down their spines. It’s then that her hands start moving: her fingers hesitate on the nape of his neck, nails lightly scratching the base of his scalp, and then one hand moves down to his shoulder, trails across his bicep, shifts to his chest, stops right above his heart.

Its thumping seems to increase in rhythm and intensity under the palm of her hand and it’s then that Steve opens his eyes, stares right back at her. He attempts to smile, but only one corner of his mouth lifts up like an unyielding soldier. There’s no real spark – not yet, it’s too soon and the nightmarish visions of the night still linger in the air between them.

Their bodies don’t feel each other, not yet. They wake up slowly as they breathe against each other’s skin, as their lips desperately press against each other’s lips in the frenzied attempt to feel each other. It’s only when their tongues meet that a slow humming makes its way throughout their bodies and it’s then that he feels her and she feels him.

Eyes now open, they stare at each other, so close that the side of his nose presses against the side of hers. Their eyes are still a little red – they don’t cry themselves to sleep, but they do weep at night, as they sleep. It’s silent and almost unreal, but they know they both do it, but still, they don’t address the matter. It is and, at the same time, it isn’t a taboo, just like everything else is. It’s an accepted truth – just like the one that dangles above their heads, carrying the names of the ones they’ve lost – but that still doesn’t make it acceptable.

They don’t talk – not in the bedroom, at least, not as they used to. Those four walls only witness murmurs and moans and cries of their names. Now more than ever, that’s a sacred room. It’s where they live – where they let each other live. And love. If that still counts as love.

Sometimes they feel like the snap erased it, erased love. Sometimes it’s hard to feel it, and when they do, it’s hard to recognize it as such. They’re both too distracted to notice, too focused on committing the other to memory to realize that they’re still alive. That they should still live.

It starts when they kiss. This is the shadow of a real kiss, not the desperate touching and pressing of skin against skin of the first minutes after their awakening.

Y/N hums as Steve’s hand moves up her neck until he rests it on the back of her head and pulls her closer to him. So close they can barely breathe, they try to remember how it feels to love – or to make love. The night always clouds their memories and it takes them time to remember.

It all comes back one swipe of tongue against tongue at a time. They take their time to kiss each other, to savor one another – it’s not like they have much to do anyway. He kisses her and she kisses him back, lips molding against lips, tongue brushing against tongue, and in the meanwhile, their eyes never close. It’s an unreasonable fear now that the threat of destruction is gone, but it’s a ghost that still haunts them and they don’t want to risk it, don’t want to risk loneliness, the loss of each other. They’ve spent too long chasing each other when the world was still alive, spent too long courting each other – lingering touches and burning gazes in a world that didn’t feel as cold as it does now. Nowadays, though, they always feel out of time, despite having all the time in the universe – not enough time to getting to know each other, to love each other, to live, to create life, to go on.

Under the weight of the endless dome the sky is, they feel like in a snow globe – just, there’s no snow, only dust. The world is still, time has stopped. There’s no superior being shaking it, shaking life to its chore until it thaws and reawakens again.

And so their eyes stay open and silent tears roll down their cheeks, slip through their lips as they kiss.

A sudden movement and Steve’s morning erection brushes against her. And she swallows his moans as though they were the nectar of the gods, hands and fingertips pressing harder into the muscles of his back, hips slowly grinding back and forth along his thigh.

That’s when she moans.

It’s almost like a secret code and it pushes them into action.

Steve’s hand trails down her side, squeezes her hip before his fingers slip between their bodies and tease her. He cries harder when she moans – long and low and breathless, the sound as fragile as their thinned-out faith in hope.

She rolls on her back and pulls him with her, his tears falling down onto her cheeks, mixing with hers.

They still don’t speak – there’s no need to. There’s nothing they need to tell each other that they already don’t know, that they can’t confess each other through their gestures and touches and kisses. There’s no need to disturb the safe silence of the room with sounds that are not moans or whispers or gasps or sighs.

And as they kiss, as his fingers move again against her clit, they want to be alive for each other. Not simply live, but be alive – real souls in living bodies controlled by living minds. Not relics lost at the mercy of the sea, but living people in a sea of corpses. It always feels impossible at first, but they always succeed – for a couple of hours, at least, before the gnawing feeling of being alone in each other’s arms seeps right through their beings to their souls.

It always happens one kiss at a time, one touch at a time.

His lips trail along her jaw, mark her neck in hickeys. He suckles and tugs at her skin, presses himself down harder against her as his fingers slide through her wettening folds, tease her pussy. It’s slow and drawled-out and when he finally reaches her breasts, she’s panting and squirming, fingers tugging at his already tousled hair.

She comes when he latches onto one of her nipples. And if during the first times it was unexpected, it’s not anymore. It’s easier to come, now – faint love is the only thing that has remained and there’s something in it that tugs on the right cords, that brings them both to their knees. She needs him just as he needs her – and it’s not just about each other’s bodies, but rather the proximity to each other, both physically and spiritually. If they’re there for one another, nothing bad can happen and nothing bad will happen as long as they’re there for one another.

His kisses ease her down from the apex of her orgasm, tongue lavishing the skin of her boobs, teeth gently scraping against her areolas and nipples. He feels her body slowly relax and then slowly tense again as his lips trail down the valley of her breasts, her abdomen and straight to her core.

She’s still watching him when he settles between her legs and there’s the ghost of a smile on her lips, one that’s mirrored by him. And when he’s done settling her legs over his shoulders, he grabs her outstretched hands and holds tight onto them, face inching closer to her labia.

There’s always been something deeper, something that tugged at his heart every time he went down on her, and now, in the silence of the world, it feels even more powerful. It’s always almost as though he has to prove himself to her. There’s no race, no contest, nothing that could push him to feel this way – nothing but the silence and the void in their lives. And so he pours all he has into making love to her, worshipping her like a lost relic of the past.

They’re now more similar than they ever were.

He swipes his tongue right between her folds, tastes her, teases her clit with the tip of his tongue. And then, he repeats the action, feeds off of the feeble sounds she makes, tightens the hold he has on her hands as her thighs start to quiver, the muscles slightly trembling a little more with each swipe of his tongue.

Here’s another thing he commits to memory. The way the tastes, the way she opens up for him as though nothing ever happened. How hot she feels against his tongue and mouth and face. And then, when he looks up at her, he takes a mental picture of her naked body, of her heaving chest, of her peaked nipples, darkened by both pleasure and the cool air of the room. He stares at the tense muscles in her arms, at their hands clasped together. And then, above anything else, he gazes at her parted lips before he looks into her eyes – half-lidded and glossed by pleasure – and he finds himself thanking God for letting him keep her.

He brings her over the edge one more time. It’s almost like a mission and he diligently obliges to the unspoken orders, finds pleasure in making her feel alive. He dives his tongue into her, eats her out like this were his last meal, before he moves the focus of his attention back to her clit. His lips latch onto it and he gives it a gentle suck and suddenly but not unexpectedly, there’s another moan of his name.

Steve.

And then another when he presses harder against her.

Steve.

And then another when he slightly moves his chin, his beard lightly burning the sensitive skin of her core.

Steve.

And then another when she eventually stumbles over the edge and her body tenses and arches off of the mattress and her thighs close in tight around his head.

Steve.

It’s drawled-out and broken and when he looks up at her, she’s crying. Broken sobs spill from her lips, trickle down her cheeks with each and every tear, and her hands hold tighter onto his.

He drags her pleasure out with his tongue, frees one of his hands to caress her trembling thigh. It all makes him groan – the way she moans and whimpers, the way her body spasms under the onslaught of pleasure and bliss, the way she seems to pulse against his mouth – and he thrusts his hips into the mattress. It’s instinctual, an absent-minded but desperate need to cause friction and find even more pleasure than pleasuring her brings him.

Minutes tick by one after the other as she slowly comes back down to earth and her eyes put the ceiling of the bedroom back into focus. Her breathing evens out, her heart slows its race, her chest calms its wild heaving.

“Steve.”

His own name makes him moan against the skin of her inner thigh and it’s his cue to move up her body. Before he can think of anything else, he kisses her – and it’s deep and hard and the taste of her on his tongue makes her whimper into his mouth as her hands wind up into his hair.

He moans her name against her lips, slowly grinds his hips against her and the way his hard dick slides between her dripping folds makes his eyes roll back into his head. He pants, his chest pressing harder against hers – and he can feel her hardened nipples against the even harder muscles of his pecs. It drives him crazy.

“Steve.” It’s a whisper against the skin of his cheek as she licks a stripe up the side of her face before she kisses it. Her hand snakes between their bodies, grabs the base of his erection and squeezes it gently, cutting his breath short.

They don’t close their eyes, not yet, not even when she starts to slowly stroke him with her trembling hand. They kiss – it’s messy and all tongue and teeth and it’s also distracted as both their breathing quicken up.

He feels her now better than he has ever felt her today: she’s angled him against her and the tip of his cock brushes upward through her hot labia and bumps into her clit. She moans, eyes losing their focus on his face, and it’s then that her hand disappears.

His lips peck hers one last time before he sinks into her. He does so slowly, forcing both of them to savor it all – every inch of his painfully hard dick sheathing itself into the slowly-stretching warmth of her pussy. It makes them close their eyes, their mouths hanging open until he bottoms out and they both sob once.

“Y/N,” he moans under his breath and right against her lips before his tongue swipes over them.

She answers him with a whimper, hands moving from his hips and up his back until they’re pressing between his shoulder blades, pushing him down against her until there’s no space between their heaving chests.

Steve rolls his hips back slowly before thrusting back into her and his head falls forward, his forehead pressed against her shoulder.

They keep their eyes shut throughout the whole love-making session. They let their bodies feel the other without the influence of their eyes. They feel the gentle rolling of his hips, feel the tightening of her vagina, feel the way her thighs move along his body until she hooks them around his waist. They feel each other’s breath against each other’s skin.

It’s slow – it often is these days. It’s… passionate, one could say, but they’re not exactly sure they still remember what passion feels like. They make slow and tender love to each other, enjoy the responses of the other’s body.

And then, when the head of his dick brushes against her sweet spot when he bottoms out, she gasps and her back arches, her chest pressing harder against his, and the rhythm picks up slightly. His thrusts become more focused, his movements a little sloppier and a little harsher at the same time, and before they both have the time to realize so, they’re gasping and panting and moaning, their lips clashing in another wild and blind kiss that robs them of their breath.

His hands move down her sides and grab her hips, his weight shifts better on his knees and when the rhythm changes again, it’s almost like the old Steve is back, thrusting hard into the old Y/N.

And it feels like being alive again, like swimming back to the surface of that black lake until the sun kisses the skin of their faces one more time.

He comes deep inside her – none of them cares about condoms anymore and while the thought of bringing a child into this scary new world makes them shiver, the need to fully feel each other is stronger than any other fear.

His orgasm and his grunts trigger her own release: her walls flutter around him wildly as she tries her best to breathe.

His lips find hers again and when they kiss, his hips still sloppily thrusting into her to prolong the blissful sensation of fullness and pleasure, their eyes open again and for a second, it’s like being back in time, when things weren’t as empty as they are these days.

“I love you,” Steve whispers against her lips, out of the blue. His softening dick is still inside her, but none of them seems to care.

She smiles up at him – and it’s a real smile, this time, one that reaches her eyes and re-awakens a spark he hasn’t seen in them in years. Just as it’s been years – real years – since the last time they have professed their love to each other. It makes the illusion of being alive last longer.

“I love you, too.”

*

Thoughts? Did you like it? Please, let me know :)

TAGS (to be added to or to be removed from any list, shoot me an ask)

Everything: @idhrenniel @saibh29 @fuckthatfeeling @aya-fay @pebblesz892  @mblaqgi

[sergeanttpoliteness]

➹tickle war➹(miles morales x reader)

Requested by @ponyboys-sunsets ➝ GIVE ME ANYTHING WITH MILES PLEASE GOOD LORD I LOVE HIM literally just y/n and him being super h*ckin cute! like cuddling and we get in like a tickle fight or something and it’s just so cute! 

Did you really have a good cuddling session if it doesn’t turn into a tickle fight?

word count: 3.1k

a/n: oof, i had some terrible writer’s block so finishing this was the most fulfilling thing ever omg. hello @ whoever’s reading this! i’m sorry this request took so long, i really need to learn how to write faster lol, but it’s here and it’s short but cute and i love it. i didn’t really edit it tho so if there are any mistakes i’m sorry. i forgot to say this last post but holy shit thank you so much for over 150 followers! and 620 notes on my first peter b. story (working on part 2 btw wink)??? the heck?? that’s nuts, i hope every single one of you enjoy what i write (: request are open if anyone is interested, especially since valentines day is so soon, so feel free to send something if you want! also i’ve decided that mcdonald’s in miles’ universe is called mcdonnie’s bc why not lmao

You could be too messy sometimes. Things to add to your next year resolutions (you were also too lazy to start right now— again, one more addition to the list): for the love of future you, stop throwing stuff wherever just because you don’t have the energy or will to properly place it in its appropriate spot. If only you’d worked on that flaw earlier, for right now you had your toothbrush inside your mouth— your tongue crying out from the icy pinch of the mint— frantically rummaging through your room, seeking for your favorite jacket. The weather that night didn’t necessarily call for the use of a coat, and it’s not that you were the fashionista of the generation (you tried your best… most of the time), but it was the last detail your outfit needed for it to be impeccable, and of course you’d turn your room upside down just to find it. It wasn’t as disastrous— perhaps for future you, yeah— but at least you got ahold of those pants that had been missing for weeks which sweetly hugged your figure in all the right places, along with a two-year-old calculator (hey, no more asking your classmates for an extra one) that’d do wonders for your brain during math class.

In the midst of your hunt, a clatter outside caught your attention. No big deal; you did live in New York, after all— the complete opposite of a ghost town. However, you later realized it wasn’t outside. No, it was your window. It happened again— clink! You recoiled, a small yelp escaping your throat. When it continued, you contemplated running away and calling your parents, frightened like a small child who suspects there’s a monster under their bed; but the detective in you (and stupidity, since this is exactly how people die in horror movies) drove you to investigate. You opened the curtains with a determined attitude, your expression hard and stern, but that temporary bravery fled out of your body the instant you laid your eyes upon the dark faceless figure staring back at you. You screamed— or tried to, taking in mind the toothpaste— scrambling to grab the nearest object to attack. But your vision adjusted once the light from your bedroom illuminated the intruder, and your rushing heartbeat eased with the laughing face of your boyfriend.

You rolled up your window, a distressed crease between your eyebrows. “Mwolth, whot thwo fwock!” You exclaimed through the abundance of toothpaste, tilting your head back to stop it from leaking through the sides of your mouth. Miles’ snickers, although adorable, heated your cheeks further from the humiliation.

“Sorry! I didn’t think it’d scare you that much.”

“Y—” You began, but raised a finger, telling him to wait, and ran to the bathroom. After spitting out the toothpaste and rinsing your mouth and sink in the record time of six seconds, you barged back into your room and to your open window. He was nowhere to be seen, until you looked out in search of the boy and your vision shifted below you: he sat against the brick wall, his knees close to his chest. You sighed, rubbing your eye as you chuckled at him. “You’re one hell of a boy.”

He showed you a crooked grin. “Is that good or bad?”

“It’s good. Why didn’t you just, uh, I don’t know— knock on my door like a normal person?”

“Well, ‘cause I’m not like other guys,” He joked, his voice husky and mysterious, a smolder adorning his face. You closed your eyes as you laughed and he shrugged. “I just wanted to be a romantic boyfriend, y’know, and throw rocks at your window!”

You let out a dreamy sigh, fanning yourself. “So romantic, giving me a heart attack.”

“What can I say? I’m the master of romance.”

“Alright, master of romance, get in before one of my neighbors sees you and faints.” You waved your hand before walking away, continuing to ransack your dresser. Miles climbed the rest of the wall and up to the opening casually with his hands inside his pockets, as if it were the most common ability a teenager could ever have. He gasped when he entered and took in the chaos your room had become: the floor cluttered with crumpled schoolwork and socks (why did you have so many socks?), a mountain of pajamas on your bed, and the mess only incremented as you tossed and additional shirt on your desk.

“What the hell happened here?” He frowned, stuck where he stood due to the path full of obstacles. You cursed under your breath and slammed the cabinet closed, moving on to the last one.

“I can’t find my jacket,” You grumbled, your scowl exchanged by a puzzled stare as a shirt you wore when you were eight dangled in front of you. “God, I really need to take out a lot of stuff.”

Miles jumped from each clean spot to another, pausing when he noticed an old broken Spider-Man keychain tangled with a wool friendship bracelet. He carefully grasped it with his fingers, his mouth twitching. “I’m not surprised.”

You glanced back at him, your brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

His face twisted at your question as he laughed. “Y/N, I love you, but you can really be the messiest person at times. Like, look!” He jangled the keychain and your eyes lit up, your hand reaching out to take it. “This thing is from like seven years ago— I got it from McDonnie’s, too. I bet you ‘accidentally’ misplaced it and it just disappeared.”

“Dude! I was so sad when I lost this keychain, I blamed this kid in my class and said that he stole it. Apparently he didn’t,” You mumbled sheepishly, and then hissed when you saw the purple and black bracelet wrapped around the metal ring. “I used to be friends with this girl and she gave me this bracelet.”

“What happened to her?”

“Our friendship ended when I accidentally dropped her hamster down the stairs.”

His eyes widened in horror, but moments later he was wheezing as he sat down on your bed. “Damn, Y/N.”

“Look, I felt terrible afterwards. I just wanted to see it roll in the plastic ball thingy,” You grimaced, apologizing in your head to the spirit of the unfortunate creature you accidentally murdered. Before you started crying, though, the irritation bubbled up in your chest and you rubbed your temples. “I still can’t find my jacket!”

“I can give you my jacket, i-if you want.” Miles offered shyly, flustered and ready to slip off his coat.

He paused when you rested your hand on his shoulder, which later came up to playfully poke his cheek. “What a cutie. But I don’t want you to freeze to death, not exactly the date that I was plan—” You stepped on something and you peeped down. You cried out for the exact article of clothing you just wasted ten minutes searching for peeked out from under your bed. “Oh, found it!” You gasped, lifting the jacket, hugging it as if you’d just found your long-lost child after sixteen years. You slipped your arm inside one sleeve, your other hand simultaneously tugging Miles’ while you prepared to leave your room.

“Shouldn’t we clean this up before we leave?” He gestured to your surroundings. You scanned the disorder, biting your lip as you deeply considered it, your skin itching because of the area identical to a wreckage.

You dismissed your discomfort with a whine, pulling his wrist again and dragging him through the mess and out of the room with you. “I can do that later, let’s go!”

You didn’t exactly know where you were going; so when you jumped off your apartment complex’s stairs and into the sidewalk, you turned around and stared at Miles like an expectant puppy willing to follow its owner to the end of the world. “Where to, captain?” You cheerily asked.

“You’re weirdly hyper today.” Miles pointed out, but not as a complaint— no, not at all. Your euphoria was responsible for his stretching smile and the electricity in his fingertips; it enhanced your beauty to a degree that it was blinding, a supergiant star whose radiance fondly enveloped the boy and heated up his entire body with its dripping gold. It was a heat wave he’d willingly succumb to— he’d float in your grace, suffocate with your allure, feel it all over as you happily linked your arms together, sending that spark running through his veins.

“I guess it’s just the rush you get on a Friday night, you know?” Yes, that was definitely it— it’s not like you took a power nap you woke up from twenty minutes ago, and consequently, had to inhumanly speed through your steps to get ready before Miles arrived; what are you talking about? But it also was almost impossible not to be as joyous when you’d missed Miles’ presence for an entire week. Yes, phone and video calls patched up that loneliness and longing, but it was just a bandaid for a larger wound— you didn’t know you could be so needy; a surprise, indeed, when you’d find yourself craving to jump through your cell phone’s screen and snuggle into the boy’s embrace. “I’m also really glad to see you, though.” You bashfully admitted.

“It was just a week.” He laughed, except that he’d missed your touch just as much, if not more. And you weren’t offended that he didn’t kiss your forehead and reveal he did as well, really, because you knew the truth by the way he walked so unnecessarily close to you in spite of the broad path.

You snuggled your head on his shoulder, sighing in bliss. “I don’t care, you still owe me a lot of cuddles. And I also don’t have no idea where you’re taking me— maybe you’re about to kill me, or something.” You said lowly, your eyes wide.

“It’s… kinda a desolate place, but I promise I didn’t pick it so I could kill you.” He giggled, bumping his shoulder into yours. You lifted your head and narrowed your eyes at him, scoffing.

“That’s exactly what a murderer would say.”

Gladly, your claims that Miles was planning to execute you in the middle of nowhere were nothing but an amusing belief; that surely would’ve been a lamentable twist, especially for you. However, you somewhat started to wish it had been your fate as you panted heavily and dropped on your knees on the muddy grass of the seemingly endless hill you and Miles were climbing. “I give up,” You breathed out, sprawling your limbs defeatedly. “I think I’m gonna go into cardiac arrest.”

Miles glanced back at you and rolled his eyes before resuming his strides. “God, your P.E grade is probably terrible.” You didn’t reply, though, and he didn’t hear any exaggerated struggling noises. He turned around, his gaze settling on your body which appeared dead resting in the same place you stopped. “C’mon, babe, we’re almost there!”

You didn’t budge, solely weakly waving your hand at him. “I was nice knowing you, but I think this is where I meet my demise.”

He looked heavenward, taking a deep breathe to recharge his soul. You were damning the gloomy clouds for obscuring the glimmering stars when Miles’ face, staring down at you, popped into your sight. You smiled, your hand reaching up to try and touch his cheek as you cracked up. “Hi.” You said innocently with a childlike expression.

The corner of his mouth lifted upwards. “Hi. Get up.”

“It’s really comfy down here.”

“I bet, probably better than the hammock that’s up the hill.” He smirked when he attracted your attention.

“A hammock? You got a hammock up there?” You inquired in disbelief. His grin vanished, and his voice was high pitched as he dubiously shrugged.

“Kind… of? It’s not your usual hammock you’re probably thinking about.” He gently nudged you with his foot and you complained, turning to lie on your side. “I’ll give you a piggyback ride.”

The words ‘piggyback ride’ excited you too much, almost to the point that it could be used as a weakness against you as you scrambled to your feet and moments later leapt onto Miles’ back. You were lucky your boyfriend had super strength, you thought, especially for instances where your laziness and lack of durability got the best of you while walking up the steepest of hills you’d ever witnessed. You’d endure your short workout again or climb every mountain, though, if it meant you’d get to curl up against Miles on a hammock made out of his webs; your body resting on top of his, your legs tangled like an unbreakable knot, your mind fuzzy from the loving circles the boy caressed on your scalp while your thumb rubbed his shoulder. It was the type of intimacy no other could compare to— just the two of you, immersed and drenched with the eternal adoration you shared. The security and serenity of his embrace overwhelmed you enough that at any time the breeze would slightly swing the crib, you’d flinch, similar to when you jerk awake after almost dozing off. His chest vibrated with his giggles and you gazed up at him. The boy had been boring into you for the past few minutes; it wasn’t necessary to see it, you could just feel it (how could you not, after all, considering your close bodies?).

“This hammock kinda sucks.” You breathed out, feeling his arms squeeze your waist when the hammock wiggled harder.

“How can you say that?! It’s literally made out of webs.”

“Miles, it’s so small— I feel like if I even breathe too much I’m going to fall off.”

“So ungrateful, man.” He grumbled, shaking his head with a half-smile that stretched wider after you left a tender kiss on his jaw.

“I just don’t want to break a bone, you get me?” You sighed in relief when the wind, your current nemesis, calmed down. “That would kinda suck.”

“It would be funny.”

You poked his stomach and he squeaked like a stuffed animal who had a tag that read ‘try me!’. He grabbed your wrist, pouting down at you. “Take that back or you’ll be the one with a broken bone.” You warned, but Miles returned the jab, and your body jerked away from him as much as it could.

“If I fall, just know that you’re going down with me.” He raised a playful eyebrow. You tried to prod him again, but the boy didn’t allow you to get your hand near him by slapping it, poking your rib immediately after. You let out a malicious laugh, for he had no idea what was coming to him as you went in to tickle him for real this time. It wasn’t as easy, though; Miles put up quite the fight, one arm shielding his stomach while the other pushed your evil hands away. “You’re… entering… a dangerous… zone right now—” His sentence was repeatedly interrupted as you two fought a battle which would only result in falling to your deaths. Although he could only protect himself for so long, because in the brief millisecond he remained unguarded, your fingers found themselves attacking his abdomen. You straddled his waist as he screamed with laughter and writhed underneath you, kicking his feet all over the place.

“Y/N—“ He yelped, his eyes crinkled and glossy. “P-please!”

You stopped— you were no ruthless demon who tortured people with tickles; still, your shoulders bounced up and down at the sight of his wide eyes as he attempted to catch his breath and regain his strength. “I won!” You laughed, squishing his cheeks to taunt him, leaning down closer to his face with a smug smile. “Sorry.”

“I’ll only forgive you if you give me a kiss.” The seduction and cheekiness laced in both his voice and eyes were a good try, but it simply made you snicker more at how goofy the boy appeared. It did work in some way, though, because it fueled the desire to meet his lips further. Who were you to not comply to such yearning, anyway? Miles took ahold of your hands, intertwining your fingers, leaning up to catch your expecting mouth. You rested your hand on his chest to deepen the kiss, the swaying of the hammock a long-forgotten worry as all you could care about was the boy under you, his dainty and nervous fingertips lingering on your hip, the prickling that engulfed you when you felt his hammering heartbeat under your touch. He’d captivated you entirely, beckoning you to dive into a pool of his warmth that clouded all your senses; enough that you didn’t perceive his hands sneaking up your sides until—

You squealed into his mouth, a jolt running through your gut when he began to tickle you. You pulled away from the kiss and struggled to breathe as a fit of giggles left you, feebly pushing him away. In an attempt to move away, though, you leaned too much to your right— oh, shit was all you thought as you lost your balance. A short cry was the only sound you made as you began to plummet down to the grass. Your last moments were nice, you guessed; at least you got to make out with Miles for a while before dying, so perhaps you could accept your death peacefully. But you didn’t hit the ground. You breathed heavily and opened your eyes, the world upside down until you strained your neck to look up at the sky; you hung by your foot, which had entangled itself with the white string of the hammock, and your eyes drifted to Miles’ gigantic eyes.

“Holy shit!” You shouted, your body going limp when it became too tiring to continue staring up. “Holy shit! I almost fucking died!”

“Are you okay?!” Miles questioned, panicked. You heard a thump and soon your boyfriend stood in front of you, his hands on his head. When he saw you helplessly flailing your arms, however, he doubled over with laughter, slapping his knee.

“Miles! Please help me!”

“Okay, okay— uh, do you have like a knife, or something?”

“Why the hell would I have a knife?!”

“I-I don’t know! Self-defense, maybe. Let me see—” He dug through his pockets, and your (already red) face went pale when he took out his keys, flashing you a sympathetic tight-lipped smile.

It was going to be a long night.

[saggy-tare-ious]

The Signs I Know - Sag POV

aries - my 11 year old bro is an aries and we argue like there’s no fuckin tomorrow. he annoys me so fucking much. he gets angry a far bit. very defensive. if i joke around about his appearance or how he does something will jump down my throat and yell. needs to chill out. doesn’t always take a joke. depends on his mood. he LOVES history like holy shit. when he was younger would run around and get into everything. doesn’t really move as much now HAHAH. isn’t interested in sports. sensitive. is awkward? stands weirdly and doesn’t look people in the eye. looks up a lot. plays xbox a lot. changes his interests so much. loves everything to do with world war 1 and 2. freaks me out a bit. wants to be in the army himself. has big fits. can get violent. he also has to have the last fucking word. like even if it’s a grunt or a random nose. does. my. fucking. head. in. IS NOSY ASF. so clingy with my mum. wants a hug all the fucking time. will piss me off then 10 minutes later will come into my room and tell me he loves me. fuck off. i also know this aries guy and he is a massive fuckboy. maybe a good friend but is scum when it comes to a relationship.

taurus - ik two taurus. the first one is so stubborn and is such a fuckin asshole honestly. we dated for like 2 weeks, kill me. he eats so much no joke. goes to the canteen every. fucking. day. he loaded. doesn’t share...... sometimes he does tho. he will go to the canteen and come back with like 3 meat pies 4 sausage rolls a bag of lollies a soda and a chocolate milk and won’t fucking share. most of the time he doesn’t eat all of his food so instead of giving to me or others he throws it at our leo ranga friend HAHAHAH bless him. he’s so uptight. he’s like that homophobe dad. he talks shit so much. and when he gets caught will throw anyone under the bus if if they didn’t do shit just to get himself out of it. jealous. the other taurus ik is a girl and do not like her. she makes me cringe so so so much. she sings 24/7. it’s not like she’s bad it’s just we are in fucking mATHS. jesUS. she said one time that she is a white girl with A BLACK GIRLS BOOTY like wtaf. girl you ain’t shit. it’s also like she mistakes sc as musically. no one wants to see you lip sing to some shitty radio song....... ok ok ok she’s not all bad she is actually quite smart and a good singer just needs to sTop.

gemini - ik quite a biiiit of gemini’s. all the gemini guys ik are HUGE flirts. one of them is one of my best guy friends and honestly has a new girl each week. we get along so fucking easy. is a trouble maker at school with his other guy friends. does the most stupidest and funniest shit they do anything to annoy the teacher in some way. the aries fuckboy is apart of his group. he lets people walk all of him especially if they are a love interest. forgives too easily but will be mad for fucking ages and then forgive them. funny asf. doesn’t do too good at school is dropping out next year. but he is very smart just doesn’t try. i have another gemini bff but she is very possessive in a relationship. will do and drop everyone for her partner. her current realtionship is toxic. both good people buttttt she is too obsessed. she is adorable and get real good grades. very hardworking and tries her best. funny. parties 24/7. alcoholic. serious but not at the same time. reaaal good at writing. said she wanted to be a journalist. says she’s a vegan HHAHAH

cancer - another one of my guy friends is cancer and he is moody asfffff. so many stereotypes in this post HAHAH. but it’s fucking true. he can be such a fucking asshole. cold one minute hit the next. he is like an angry dad. he is cold and doesn’t speak too much. but he’s funny. would fuck. star wars obsessed and does nothing with his life but play xbox. doesn’t care too much about school. found out he likes me tho he doesn’t show it too much. but he has said to me that he hates it when the other guys in our group touch me etc so i guess he’s protective ? he copies other guys style and hair ? literally tried to be this guy at our school until someone called him out on it. reaalll good at guitar.

leo - ik two stone head, beautiful, would fuck leo’s and a ranga leo WHO IS HILARIOUS ASF. bless him too bits. the ranga is also in my group along with the cancer and taurus. he tries to be liked by everyone and does what everyone tells him to do just to be funny. will bully and abuse other people just to be funny and to be liked. he thinks he will be this big youtuber. he honestly changes how he is so much around his ‘friends’ who tell him to do the most stupidest shit just they don’t bully him. he is creative and good at art. doesn’t take his job serious at all. i mean it’s a fast food restaurant. but anyways he doesn’t take it serious. doesn’t get angry too much but when he does it’s scary. talks shit. two faced. pride is easily hurt.

virgo - she is a perfectionist honestly. doesn’t cross out or white out anything bc it will look messy. does drama and music. good at art. real good grades. kind of a serious person ? don’t know her too much.

libra - is the mum of the group like holy shit. an alcoholic mum more like it. will talk to a guy for a week then drop them bc she got bored. gets a lot of guys bet then doesn’t at the same time ? responsible af but parties all the time. so much like a mum. love her but then hate her. no where in between.

scorpio - my mum is a scorp. we argue all the fucking time. will talk for ages at the lady at the cash register. is STUCK IN THE FUCKING PAST. brings up everything from the past can’t get over it. like stfu i don’t want to hear it. real negative. complains all the time. judgement. acts like she does everything in the house. she doesn’t. also acts like my brother and i are 3 and are hard to look after. even tho we do everything she asks to do and practically stay in our rooms all the time. she has no friends. says she doesn’t need them. trust issues. gives out second chances even tho she says she doesn’t. needs to chill tf out. my scorpio guy friend is touchy asf. needs to know what a personal bubble is. judgmental asf. laughs at evrythiiiiing. we talk about people we hate together in maths.

sagittarius - i knooow soo manyyy sags. my dad included and i love him to bits. we hardly fight unlike my bro and mum, still love them thooo. he complains the whole time when going shopping probably the only time where i want to kick his head in. funny asf too bless him. afl fanatic. loves sports. real short. like 5”6. my two bff are sags one is sporty asf and sensitive the other parties all the time is quite distant ? the sporty one is honestly so fucking weird never met someone like her. hard to put her to words. she falls in ‘love’ easily too. well crushes easily. she literally fell in love with a guy at our school who she never talked to b he was real good at guitar. she’s veryyyh sensitive. need to be careful of what i say. she annoys me so fucking much. we argue a lot too. but i love her. the party animal one is adorable and kind of responsible? she’s like scared of getting in trouble and will avoid it at all costs. funny and sarcastic. stone head. plays netball. tried to go vegan. good ass eyebrows. they both do actually.

capricorn - dated 2 of them. both funny. one is now a massive stone head. kind of a drop kick now tbh. the other is so so so funny and sporty asf. real jealous. said he’s loved me since he was in yr 7. he’s a year older. but we’ve hardly ever spoke ? HAHAHAH we’ve had a convo here and there but i hardly know anything about him. would ask me out all time. i finally gave in when i was in yr 8. it could’ve actually lasted longer then it did. he isn’t a bad guy. but me being a sag freaked out and dumped him after 4 days HAHAHHA. he is cringy online. loveesss his lil sister.

aquarius - we talked not dated and i like him so much i even considered if i loved him. ew cringe ik. maybe i’ll do a post just for him ? HAHA i must find out his time of birth 🤔 anywaysss he is weird, like it’s like he tries to weird or different. again cliches ik. watches so much documentaries. can’t swallow pills. belives meat and pills will kill us. thanks to documentaries. said he was a vegan for a day. good at sports. has a job with the leo and takes it seriously. horNY ASF. will ask for nudes even after you say no. just want someone to fuck. funny kind of? Hahha. has like social anxiety. looks depressed all the time. won’t talk to anyone unless you do. but then again he doesn’t look interested the whole time and makes you feel like shit and says he doesn’t care about what you say bc it’s boring him ? but yet tells me borin ass things idc about either but i listen and look interested ? HAHAH KILL ME. doesnt try too much in school unless he has no friends in that class. good at maths. says he doesn’t care all the time. SO FUCKING SENSITIVE AND A CRY BABY

pisces - my bff is a pisces and i love her to bits. we would never admit this to each other tho. she laughs a lot, which i like bc she laughs at everything i say and do. sensitive. popular. social. literally cannot go a week without going somewhere. hates to be by herself. doesnt try at school which pisses me off so much as i’m a try hard who gets straight a’s HAHAH. i often wonder wtf she will do with her life. good at art. creative. good music taste and style. we have the SAME humour. every guy loves her ass. can’t order her own food. has been diagnosed with depression when she was younger. it’s hard for to get things car both question if she has dyslexia. my best guy friend is also a pisces. he is real fucking sensitive. lost a shit ton of weight. i wonder daily if he eats. looks depressed asf. will let you speak. puts up with my questions about life and tries to answer them the best he can. we talk about whatever tbh. found out he likes me. wouldn’t go there. he is like a brother. bless him. used to be a big fucking asshole but has grown up a bit. has random knowledge about random things. on his phone and listening to music all the time. plays the bass. honestly reminds me of dan howell and suga.

======

first post. just getting into astrology. well i’ve known about astrology and my chart for about 3 years but only now am i actually ‘delving into it’ ? don’t expect much HAHAH

[clarabosswald]

the last 24 hours or so have been strange

i’ve at long last reached the point in my life in which my national service is over (i’d talk more about it but it involves so much shit i don’t even know how to translate that i’m not gonna begin to try to) and since trying to resume my service was The Life Goal for the last few months and now it’s gone my mind suddenly got weirdly clear and i started thinking about a lot of shit and going to mental places i haven’t gone to in ages so like for instance a few days ago i stumbled upon a livejournal dedicated to being against the inheritance cycle book series and everything around it and like when i was a kid/teen i used to be fiercely obsessive about the first couple of books but when the rest of the series came out my interest for it just died and for a long time i didn’t quite understand why that happened and i just didn’t even think about the books for like... years then i accidentally found that livejournal and browsed through it out of curiosity then i realized that the writing just got really bad and that’s why i stopped being interested in it i just didn’t understand that that’s what i felt bc i naturally tend to look at things optimistically and it’s funny bc i was very much aware of critiques of the books back when they were my things but i was in different mental states back then and now (also by now i’ve also seen star wars and read lotr so i understand the plagiarism aspect much better) so this whole pointless story leads to me spending the last couple of hours thinking intensely about writing and how when i was a kid i was an avid writer and how i used to plan whole novels in my head and how what i did like about the inheritance cycle was the concept of the dragon+rider bond (the basics of it, not really how it was written eventually in the books) and how i’d really love to write about a bond like that (which is also similar to the person-daemon bond in hdm) but it just feels very... uninspired or unoriginal?  i feel like i do have original things to say about it but i feel like no one would really find it interesting or original which is a huge mental obstacle to me and also why i don’t actually write - the aspects of what’s considered successful or interesting and how people view your creations, it’s terrifying to me (much more in writing than in drawing, which i’m more comfortable with) it also brings me back to the whole “well now that national service is behind you what are you gonna do with your life” shit that is getting thrown at me the last few days (mainly from my dad) and like... when i was in high school i reached the conclusion that i’m gonna be a teacher and studying education, that was the one thing that i was passionate about enough and that i could probably make a living out of but then i talked about it with my boss at the animal shelter and she said “i don’t think you’re capable of keeping that sort of timetable, having to come to school every morning, you’re terrible at that. you should freelance.” and damn does she know VERY well EXACTLY how bad i am with mornings and keeping times. and i realized that she was 100000% correct. so it brought me back to what i’m really passionate about in life. and basically all i can think of is 1. art and 2. animals. so i could go study art? which i was kind of seriously considering to do (it was like, study art for fun, then go study education as a career). and i even looked up how much tuition costs and requirements and everything. but when i shared it with my mom she repeated something i knew very well but tried not to think about - you don’t make money with art. not really. you can try. some people do. but it’s hard and you can very easily just fail.  which kind of brings me back to my fear of my creations just not being interesting or original enough to anyone. so there’s animals - i could study training. for both dogs and cats. i’ve had a year and a half of experience in this world so far, i don’t intend to quit it anyway, i’m passionate about it. i could make it into a job. it’s certainly very freelance-y. there are a lot of dog trainers, but not many cat experts. obviously my techniques would be exclusively force free. i think i could absolutely make it work, social anxiety and all - it’s much easier for me when there are animals involved. i could even study animal behavior at uni as bonus. having that kind of credentials would make advertising myself even easier. honestly what’s mainly stopping me from proudly taking this route in life is that i feel like my parents that this kind of job is stupid and not a serious career and that i can’t live off it. and right now it’s making me hesitate. they had a similar attitude back when it seemed like i was gonna drop high school. then i finished high school. but this seems bigger. it’s my life, my job, my first job. so naturally i’m anxious as fuck. i can also mention yet again that i have this stupid passion for acting and this nagging need in the back of my head to just try it out. it’s not a case of a childhood dream of being famous. it’s me in my teens getting seriously exposed to tv shows for the first time in my life and suddenly realizing the fascinating subtleties in acting. how it’s a different kind of storytelling. mainly the part that involves portraying subtle emotions is what really fascinates and draws me. and i used to be really good at reading out loud during school, not just saying words but telling a story and conveying emotions. i can’t help but feeling super drawn to it. but it’s acting. it’s The Job that 0.1 percent of the population can even hope to succeed in. especially in a tiny country like this. especially when it’s me, a 21 year old (too old to start, maybe? it’s always about people doing this since they were kids), who can’t sing, with ever-nagging social anxiety, and above all - fat, ugly, repulsed makeup and jewelry - the antichrist of the glam world of acting. so yeah. i’ll keep dreaming about giving it a chance. and it won’t happen. also i guess i’m drawn to translating as well but that’s a world i know almost nothing about and for some reason doesn’t seem to me like a life-sustaining kind of job. like at all. which is why i never bothered even looking into it. although at this point maybe i should honestly. anyway i guess the point of this whole train of thought vent thing is that i’m at a crossroads in my life which is a point i haven’t been in in a very long time and just like last time i feel utterly fucking terrified and under a lot of fucking pressure. and i just needed to spill it out. it didn’t help much in terms of making my thoughts any clearer or anything. but there’s small relief in knowing it’s not exclusively just inside my head anymore. and yeah feeling lost is Fun

[annashipper]

JT Anon

A passing thought, wondering what others think. I think that the nans have been a bigger concern for BC & his team than we thought. At least than I thought. I think that BC & his team really rely on them, particularly the ones who have high traffic social media, to do a lot of promotion for him. Especially projects that don’t have big houses behind them.

I think they rely on the  social media ubers to hype his work and make it appear to be way, way more hotly anticipated than it actually is. Its why they have gone the sophomoric direction w their promotion of him imo. A little bit of beatlemania style promo is natural, especially w male celebs, but BC brand seemed to be ALL internet boyf ALL the time. As much as we talk about how talented he can sometimes me, I always got the feeling that every time they attempted to dip their toe into the “he is actually an artist worth watching who is quite good at his craft, you’ve all been missing his talent” pool, they would freak if he wasn’t immediately trending and go screaming back to “don’t you wanna know what the hype is about!? the internets boyfriend!!!"

All that is to say, i think w regards to the sham, this has been a big consideration. I think they are painfully aware that whatever they do, however they handle this, they do not want the ubers to turn on BC in anyway. We’ve spent so long mapping out potential ends to this. At this point, if this wraps up neatly w BC single, Sophie no longer his wife and out of the picture, and him childless (w all of those events having been timed for media pushes, then silent when no push is present), there WILL be a few nans who, whether they admit it or not, who will realise that at the very least, some deception on the part of their god was had, and it was towards them, the ones he was supposed to be honest w (you know, REAL fans). I think his PR is painfully aware of this. That SM and his other projects do NOT have Marvel/Disney to promote his work, that he is NOT that famous as far as the general public goes, and that they NEED these fans to make him and his work appear to have way more interest than he does. To lose them, in their mind I believe, is a huge risk. For them to even begin to think for a second that BC lied about his family, something they have been weirdly fantasising about for him for years, would be a big quite the tightrope. (Despite the fact that, as far as "things Harvey Weinstein has made actors do, this wouldn’t even break the top 10 worst and weirdest)

That leaves him and his team in a tight spot. Even a simple divorce w out a "not his”, while it won’t register w the gen pub, risks causing waves in nanny land. Then BC and his team lose their free hype machines. Do they have the money or talent to be able to build him up to look like an actual professional artist, and promote him on their own like he is an adult star? im starting to question whether thats a possibility.

I won’t mention how I personally believe that PR have boxed themselves in, and the only two ways I think they have to get out of this if they want to try and centre the uber nans reaction and access to their free labour in the future, but needless to say, if I am even kinda right, i think whatever out we see, whenever it happens, will be one of two outs.

Thats not entirely true though, there is ONE other way they could get out of this and be stronger going forward. Cut out the nanny middle man and developed his own, professional, adult artist social media. But that is scary, required hard work, talent, a belief in BC art and talent and its ability for his skill to carry the show, and maybe a bit of growing pains.

Or they can keep marketing him like a Nickelodeon performer who occasionally gets some decent bit parts

J can promote myself T anon

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

JT, the premise of your assumption is a very interesting one, but I have to say I disagree with all of your individual conclusions.

The only Ubers anyone takes seriously are CWeb (because she’s proven she actually has an in with Ben’s PR) and ATCB (because that account is probably run by UTA).

No one cares about the hysterics of the Nans or the apple fritters references on twitter; just like no one outside of the fandom cares about the Nans and the Skeptics and the Antis on Tumblr.  

The fact of the matter remains:  Ben’s clickability has taken a major hit since Harvey took over his image for The Imitation Game promo.  Unfortunately, it’s gone downhill ever since.  

Partly because he just can’t smile with his eyes anymore and partly because the projects he’s been involved in didn’t have the same payoff one would have hoped for.

Doctor Strange promo was a bust and the movie itself wasn’t great to be honest (a fact I wholeheartedly blame on Sccott Derrickson and his script).  The fact that The Abominable Bride and the fourth season of Sherlock weren’t as brilliant as the previous three seasons didn’t help either.

Anyway, I think the only way to showcase Ben’s clickability is through a Google Trends graph.  It references global Google searches from January 2010 to today:

You know how I don’t believe in coincidences because I’m a fan of Mycroft’s?  Well, I’ve marked the peaks on the above graph, so let’s try to decipher what makes Benedict Cumberbatch hot at certain points in time:

January 2012:  Sherlock season 2 airs

May 2013:  Star Trek Into Darkness is released in theatres

January 2014:  Sherlock season 3 airs

November 2014:  TIG promo kicks into high gear and the gag is announced

January 2015:  Oscar season is at its height and pap walks are almost daily

January 2016:  The Abominable Bride airs

November 2016:  Doctor Strange is released in theatres

January 2017:  Sherlock season 4 airs

I’m sure we’re not the only ones who’ve noticed that the peaks in clickability when it comes to Ben’s name are steadily dropping, while the casual interest in him is on the decline as well.  

Back to the premise you were discussing:  You make the assumption that the Nans are what’s driving clickability when it comes to Ben’s name.  If that were the case, Weirdo would have achieved fetch by now.  And yet... I don’t see any major studios signing her on for a project.  I don’t see any theatres begging her to direct (or operate) a play / opera / mandarin juggling marathon.  I don’t even see her grace London Fashion Week with her presence as the avant garde fashionista that she is.  

The fact of the matter is Ben’s die-hard fans (whether they’re Nans, Antis or Skeptics) comprise a very small subset of the general public, no one cares about.  Because no matter whether I’ll go to see Infinity Wars 1 time or 100 times, I’m just a drop in the ocean when compared to the Marvel target group.  That’s just the way it is.

Add to that the fact that the Nans haven’t been all that helpful to get Ben’s or Weirdo’s names trending on social media, and you have your answer as to where they rate on the scale.  In fact, the second hand embarrassment from the way some of his die hard Stans handle themselves on social media have forced a large part of his fandom to take a conscious step back from his more... avid defenders.

It’s a problem.

Let’s take Tumblr Fandometrics for example:  I don’t even know how many weeks Ben has actually been on the list this year, although I can guarantee he’s spent more weeks off the list than on it.  All it took for him to shoot straight to number 12 this week was an Intagram post by Robert Downey Jr (who didn’t even make the list himself).  Because people want to like Ben; all he has to do is smile with his eyes.

Anyway, as far as outs are concerned, I can see the writing on the wall already.  I’m simply waiting to see whether Ben will hold his ground and we’ll get a split announcement just as The Current War promo starts.  If not, I expect a third fake pregnancy to be announced to the world on the engagement announcement anniversary.  Because Ben’s brain doesn’t seem to function fully during November for some reason.

[ravel-puzzlewell]

I want to pre-face this long rant by saying I was not expecting some masterpiece of writing from me:a. I’ve once seen a reviewer compare Mass Effect to Fallout 2 and, honestly, it’s ridiculous. You don’t compare pulp prose to philosophical science fiction, they are made for different purposes and engage you differently. Mass Effect was always a soap opera with messy plot and cool one-liners and it’s okay. So I’m only looking at me:a at it’s own merits - as an open world RPG and Mass Effect game.

- actual protagonist of the game is your AI. sorry for spoilers I guess? You really don’t matter, you’re only there to carry your AI to the place where it needs to do it’s thing. You just do whatever it tells you to do. It’s all would be a lot more effective if they just gave AI its own body, like they did with EDI in me3. You don’t solve problems, your AI does. Whatever little decisions you get to make usually are not well-informed, so you just pick whatever with only cosmetic consequences. At the end of the game, they try to, um, solve it, by magically, out of nowhere, giving you ability to hack ancient machines without your AI. With your sheer willpower, I guess? But no one else can? It’s really hard, bc your nose bleeds! Really, really bad writing.

- This game about discovering new galaxy has no feeling of discovery. That sounds weird and impossible even, but they’ve managed it with a simple trick - all that changes from planet to planet is the climate. The actual places you’re going to visit on locations are absolutely the same - remnant base, kett camp, generic house structure #1 and #2,... that’s it. Once you’ve been in one remnant vault, you know what’s you’re going to see in all others. I’m not talking about them having same maps, but same structure - empty dark halls with glowy green lines, lots of same enemies, activate the consoles mindlessly until the game throws sudoku puzzle at you and then you’re done. There’s nothing new or interesting to discover! When you learn what’s the gimmick is going to be on a new planet, you know pretty much everything about it without even exploring. Cold planet? Everything is covered in snow, same buildings. Desert planet? Everything is covered in sand, same buildings. Good for you if you really liked these same empty buildings, I guess.

There are should be unique, interesting places on every planet that you can only see there and nowhere else and that you can meaningfully engage with. When I saw the wreck of a giant remnant ship on the Dune-rip off planet, I was excited. I thought it’s going to be something new to actually explore and discover shit there! Nope, it’s the same remnant base you’ve seen 100 times already, and you don’t even do anything interesting there. It’s like they went out of their way to not do anything creative and engaging. The Dune robot sandworm? Just cosmetics, can’t actually fight him, doesn’t have a quest, despite NPCs constantly talking about how you’d be crazy if you tried to hunt it. Let me fucking hunt that thing! These cool beasts flying in the skies on Havarl? Put some ancient temple there where you can summon them and, idk, fly on them or something. How cool would it be? If you’re ripping off Avatar, then why stop halfway and not take all actually cool stuff?

Worldbuilding. Listen. It’s an entire new galaxy. They could do literally do ANYTHING. Aliens made of crystals, or really weird cyborgs, or sentient plants, or shapeshifters, or beings of pure energy, or ANYTHING. And all they’ve come up with are the most generic grey bad guys and most well-known Star Wars tentacle-heads rip-offs? Come on, bioware, make a fucking effort!

Kett are so boring, I don’t even want to talk about them in detail. “They change other species into becoming monsters and then send them back to fight their own people!” Excuse me, I believe I played that game? It was called Mass Effect 3? Kett are literally just Reapers rip-off concept-wise, and, well, all their “culture” has to offer is “religious zealots.” Groundbreaking.

So the only real new race that you can meaningfully interact with and explore that we get is angara. And they have exactly one gimmick about them (and we’ll get to that gimmick itself later) But Ravel, you could say, one gimmick for the entire race is exactly how original mass effect species were designed too! Yeah, sure, but there’s one big difference. There were more than 10 alien races in original mass effect! Some of them were distinctly weird and non-humanoid. Volus, elcor, hanar, etc. Each of them was characterized by one cliche, but because they were all mixed up together, you really could get a sense of diverse, big galaxy. And in me:a we don’t even have most of the original species! Only asari, turians, salarians, krogans, and all of them we already know. So the only *new* race to explore is angara, and they are not even that interesting to explore? Weirdly, all stuff about their culture and religion and whatnot is hidden in side-quests, which you can skip or just miss said details because you yawned. Their culture is, weirdly, not integral to your interaction with them. And even if you do discover these details, they are not so great or interesting or original. They certainly can’t compensate for the lack of any other aliens to interact with. If you put one single culture in the setting to explore for the players, you better make sure it’s a damn interesting and unique one, like the dunmers in Morrowind. Angara just end up feeling… bland.

And their gimmick is… ugh… is that they are really in touch with their feelings. And it’s illustrated precisely by nothing. Like, one time Jaal is excited about some minor plot victory and the game basically forces you to say “um why are ur so happy?” And he’s like, let’s celebrate minor achievements even before accomplishing our goal, we angara are so in touch with our feelings! Like… no offense, I don’t hate that guy or anything, but you can swap his model with a human one and get rid of him saying that he’s so ~alien, and no one will be able to tell something is up with him. He’s just an emotional guy, ok, though the game also doesn’t really show you him being emotional, it just TELLS you. Literally, he keeps referencing to the feelings situation in every goddamn conversation. First of all, for him it should be a norm, he should see humans as weird and restricted instead of angara as so ~open with emotions~. Secondly, it seems like no other angara got the memo about their “in touch with feelings” gimmick.

- The plot. It’s predictable and average and a plot-holey mess overall, but again, the plot in ME games was always messy and plot-holey. I feel like the main problem is the quality of writing. The dialogues are just badly written, from both sides - NPCs are boring and your responses are often just saying the same thing with slightly different tones. Most of the time the option to say what you want to say is just not there, and instead there are two options that are absolutely identical and pointless. And a lot of times the “full” line has, like, nothing to do with short version on dialogue wheel, or short version is really vague and you have to guess wtf it’s going to mean, which does not help you connect with your PC at all.  And it’s where the horrible animation backstabs the game, because what you end up with is two uncanny valley dummies grimacing through generic uninspired dialogue without your real control when it’s supposed to be emotionally engaging and cinematic.

[survivorathena-allstars]

Episode #8: “I'll Fall on the Sword” ~ Charlotte

Let me be like my favourite simpson and Merge. GOD

UGH I THOUGHT WE WERE MCFUCKING MERGING JFLADKJFALSD ANYWAYS I GUESS NOT!!!!!! I'm happy with how tribal panned out but GOD this is an ugly turn of events! At least I don't have school tomorrow and the vote went how it should have. I was in auditions for over four hours tonight and I wasn't able to game talk like AT ALL but I love my allies and they covered it for me. I'm so happy! I think that maybe after THIS vote we'll merge or something... I don't know. Why didn't we merge at 13 if Duncan's power is like??? You know??? You can run and hide from final 13 to final 10 idk it's just weird. And ugh I just,,,,, I WANT TO WIN THIS CHALLENGE SO I DONT HAVE TO VOTE OUT RUTHIE OR KEVIN FDKAKFSD this sucks. I like them both. I'd rather Kevin than Ruthie but that might be difficult because of like,,, how this vote went down lmao. But it was cute how Autumn, Ruthie, and Kevin didn't even stick together after that 3-3-1 vote like WOW JFKDSJFLKAS iconic and I love it. Now I'm hungry and I'm gonna go eat something bye

I literally hate this task challenge with a passion I don't have the reaction time for it rip me and my life and my tribe

I'm forever an Emily & Owen stan but can they go to sleep. PLEATHE

Not to be full of myself but I did #that and more. I mean I'd like to think it was my move bc I suggested her name first so. Her vote said that I was like playing both sides but tbh I wasn't even playing her side at all??? (I accidentally forgot to message her skdkdkd) I just hope that doesn't like...marr my reputation, as small as it already is. Anyways I'm upset about no merge and just hoping we can win this challenge because we were already uncertain last time who knows what'll happen tomorrow night. 

Plz ask for a mutiny so I can go to the other tribe even though they are losing please and THANK YOU

CameronI think I speak for the entirety of Loronha when I say I HATE YOU OWEN AND EMILY ________________________________________________________________ *narrator voice* he does not have faith in his tribe

If I was a Pokémon I’d be Ekans. Hiss hiss

Losing this badly is so hard to deal with after winning so well the last few rounds. I so desperately want to make merge, you know? And if this is the thing that does me in... well that would suck.

this is the most DISHEARTENING challenge, we are always just a second behind the other team and i am so frustrated and sad and everyone on our tribe is trying their hardest but it's just not working for us 

I love losing. It's okay, I'll fall on the sword if we do lose bc I literally couldn't do any of these tasks because I am an adult and I have to work.

I’m really sad and disheartened and this is so so so devastating. This is the first time in any game where I’ve felt this close to a group of people and I’m so upset that one of us has to leave. We tried so damn hard and we were so close and I’m so upset and sad and I. Want to cry 

i cant believe i won!!! im shaking!!! ali is the devil but we won anyway because god always prevails over evil amen!!! britain tell me how my ass tastes!!!! can we please merge!!!

I hate being mad like this. I hate feeling like I want to scream at people and tell them how angry I am. But that's how I feel, so I'm gonna put it in a confessional. Emily and Owen, I'm so sorry in the future and know that likely 10 hours from now I'm not gonna feel this way but. FUCK YOU EMILY AND OWEN. DO YOU FOOLS NEVER SLEEP? DO YOU NOT HAVE LIVES? EMILY DONT YOU GO TO SCHOOL? DID YOU SKIP SCHOOL TO DO THIS CHALLENGE? WHAT THE HELL!

I'm glad my tribe won even though I wish there was a mutiny where they could have lost a TON of points and lost one of their own in the 'Alliance Against Ruthie TM' 

i cant fucking believe i got 5 points for steamed hams, and then emily said eggs was a fun fact and ruined my only contrifuckinbution! i still love her but kdjshgkjdshgkdjshhkj

You all know me as the heartless meanie who lost his shit multiple times during Azores, but right now I'm gonna fucking cry I don't wanna have to vote anyone off this tribe. Like I thought I felt bad before making the move against Madison or having to give up on trying to save Jack, but this is the absolute HARDEST thing that's happened yet. Even if it's Charlotte because apparently she wants us to vote her out, I'm still gonna be crying during this one. This sucks.

Someone from Loronha is winning this game. No ifs, no buts. We all fought SO HARD to win. So hard. And we all got so many points, despite the odds and just stuff being against us. With my strategy, any plans I had of voting against Dana/Will/Cameron? they are gone. I love them all SO MUCH, and have no intention of voting them out. At merge, the war on Atalaia begins. ________________________________________________________________ Like ugh I love me some Emily but come merge? Emily and Lily are outta here.

Thank GOD we won that challenge. I did SO MUCH and if we had lost I would’ve probably wanted Kevin to go home since he contributed the least to the competition at least from what I saw. And also, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I did SO MUCH for our tribe. Like whenever I was at auditions or sleep they were like,,,, we need Emily!! Like? That’s a good feeling. Don’t vote me out because I’m pulling my weight hehe! But also why the fuck did they need me so bad these things aren’t hard you just gotta be speedy!! Whatever. Also I cracked an egg on my head for no reason. I’m the queen of eggs though so it’s fine.

There's something especially depressing about the fact that Charlotte is so willing to go, whether it's because she really is truly over the game or she has stuff going on... It's just sad watching a pseudo-quit like this happen, especially coming off of last night's outright devastation. If y'all thought the Emily boot in Azores was sad (when literally everyone cried on live cam), then this is gonna be even worse - idk how but it's worse. But looking at the bright side, at least it's gonna get me through to the next round.

Charlotte has asked/offered to go tonight which I really respect and appreciate. I am so devastated to see her go though. Charlotte is an icon, a legend, an inspiration. She is truly the most justified all star in this cast. Come merge, the Loronha tribe is literally going to be F6. I'm speaking it into existence. ________________________________________________________________ God Charlotte going tonight is gonna be such a tragedy. But unfortunately a queen must fall for an empire to arise. Its time for the Loronha dynasty to begin.

Hi I feel awful about everything and this game is making me have a heart which should honestly be a crime. As long as I am not being tricked by everybody on my tribe (always a possibility, I am impossible to blindside), I think Charlotte is going home on her own accord tonight. I feel SO bad about it, but at the same time I think she would have gone home either way (idol plays aside), which I'm not sure she expected. Also i'm feeling kind of good about the game right now because I think the dynamics on both tribes are good for me going into a merge situation. 1) Will and Duncan aren't close, and I'm close with both of them. 2) Duncan is close with Zach, who I am close with, and will use for information and then vote out expediently so I can win (probably tbd). 3) I still have my alliances from both my tribes with most members in tact (rip Autumn a quen) 4) I didn't even have to lie to anybody yet.. Wig! I just withheld a lot of information, but weirdly, people have been spilling their game tea to me which honestly ya girl loves! 5) Everyone i'm working with wants Emily out and amazing because i sure do too. 6) Ashvika is close to Duncan and also mad that Autumn was voted out, me too girl. Ok wig I have more thoughts but umm this is all for now ladies. See u on the flip side hopefully xoxo

I have no idea whether I’ve done a confessional or not this round and ideally it’s not my last one. So Loronha finally lost again after WE DIDNT MERGE AT 13! *side eyes emoji*  and honestly the tribe’s moral was shot, right in the gut. Like they all felt so bad about losing it must’ve beeen a rush to be a part of that challenge. Lots of emotions are out and people are in their feels. Apparently Charlotte is very okay with going home and says she has no ulterior motives. I wanted Cameron out first but if Charlotte is willing to go and wants us to vote her out, who am I to stand in her way? I ain’t shit. And I know if I was in that position I’d prefer to go home too. I just don’t think she was as invested as she should’ve been and she realizes that. It’s just sad and I hope she’s not fronting and that we Merge soon.

I THINK I'M MAKING MERGE GIRLIES!!!!!!!! So, with that, I'm going to talk about all the people left in the game and my opinions on them for merge because I've been slacking on confessionals this round!

Okay starting with Ali: Ali has an idol and I'm hoping I'm the only one that knows that still. I'm a little worried not being on his tribe right now because 1. he could build closer relationships with people that are not me 2. he could tell other people about his idol 3. he could tell other people I know about his idol. 3 is bad because then people will know Ali and I are very close. Though I haven't been discreet about any of my relationships in the game thus far, I guess another very out there tie to a player will just? Happen? I guess? I don't know. I'm definitely going to spill all the tea from our 3-3-1 6-0 vote because he's going to get the tea eventually and I'd rather it be from me. I also wonder how close Ali and Duncan are right now because I remember them being a bit rocky before the joint tribal, so who can be sure? I can't.

Ashvika: Really sweet girl and I'm glad we got Autumn out. Ashvika was wanting to save Autumn during the joint tribal and that means they were close, especially because they just played together. I figure Ashvika and Duncan are close because of what I know from Duncan. I wonder if that relationship is still in tact or if Ashvika is now closer to Will and Dana. I remember them being close for some reason. This could be inaccurate but? Idk.

Charlotte: I honestly don't know where I stand with Charlotte! I have no idea where her allegiances are and like? I just really don't know. I remember her and Zach being close but now that they're on different tribes, I don't know where she stands. And I also know that Duncan low key wanted Charlotte out in the earlier days of this game so like... she could be going out next because of her lack of allies and Duncan kind of wanting her out. I don't know how much power Duncan has over there. But also, Charlotte got Jack's vote last time Elaenia went to tribal council so... it's likely? I guess? I don't know. We'll see.

Dana: I don't really know much about Dana other than her and Will are tight. And Zach. And probably Ashvika. That's going to have to be a group I either 1. work with or 2. look out for when we merge. I can just like... sense it. But I also think that Will and Ali are close and then Dana and Zach are close and they're my closest allies so like??? Ali and Zach can probably keep me safe or at least differ targets off my back if my name happens to come up. And I like that!

Duncan: I love Duncan. He has an idol. Idk who else knows other than Ali and I. I hope that's it. Oh wait this is me remembering mid-type that I told Lily about Duncan's idol lol. FUNNY EMILY anyways. Lily probably won't tell. I hope she doesn't. Whew. I think Duncan should be okay 1. because he has an idol 2. because he like??? has a good social game?? I'm hoping to see him in merge.

Kevin: Honestly don't know how I feel about him because we saved him last round but he voted for Lily the round before and like... wtf I don't like that? fjkldsfalsd I thought he and Lily were TIGHT and then he just goes around and votes Lily out like WOW idk man. I know he's my secret santa but he's SKETCHY!!! If we were to have gone to tribal this round, I would've wanted to vote him out. I know that's flip-floppy because we saved him last round and kept Ruthie out of the loop but that's the truth lol

Lily: My absolute fav person ever!!! In a game sense, I would say I'm like ... 4th closest to her. Zach, Ali, and Owen are above her. But everything else I love her! She has that vote negator and I'm happy she FINALLY got something good from the arch*p*l*go!! 

Cameron: Love him love him love him! I feel like we won't work together in this game though. Not sure why I just... don't see it happening? It might. We shall see. He reminds me to take my medicine every night. I <3 him. And for the short period of time we've been together in this game I've been decently honest with him. He was one of the few people I told before the Madison vote that I was gonna vote for Autumn rather than Madison just because she's my friend and it hurts :( so I'm hoping he's willing to vote with me even though he thinks I'm a major snake. God.

Owen: I was doubtful about him at first but I think I've made a genuine connection with him! I was like high key scared he was gonna flip on Lily/Zach/Myself for Autumn/Kevin/Ruthie but he DIDN'T and I'm so happy about that. I really like him and he's been very helpful in challenges so I'm thankful for that!! He's so sweet and we have a snapchat streak and anyone that puts up with my streaks is a blessing

Ruthie: I really love Ruthie and keeping her out of the loop last vote was really something dksjfkasld I'm sad that it happened but like we needed to just in case an idol was played or something. I hope she's willing to work with me later down the line but I think our relationship definitely needs some healing.

Will: Love Will and I really hope we can ACTUALLY work together this game! I know things were messy with the Madison vote but I'm hoping that that doesn't get in the way of our game relationship. Though me fucking things up with Ruthie might also hinder it... I'm not sure. I think Ali and him are close and I'm close to Ali so like? Yeah keep me safe Will xoxo. Will is also definitely close to Dana since she exposed some of his tea during the scavenger hunt. I would never expose tea from any of the people I'm not close with you know? yeah they're close. Her draft name in Azores was "Dana I want Will to win" and I remember that because I had to read it like ten times to finally understand what it said

Zach: I love Zach so much and he's my number one ally despite me not like telling him about either one of Ali or Duncan's idols lmao. Ugh I just love Zach so much and I trust him with ??? MY LIFE????? I'd go to rocks for him I love him. He's so honest with me (I think) and I just love him omgjdklfjaskldflasd god I love Zach he's great he's so sweet I can tell we're going to stay friends after this which is my favorite thing about him!! AHHHHH!! 

Well this confession was super long and I started it around 3:00 and I'm just now submitting it (7:27 PM lol)

Charlotte becomes the 8th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 7-0 vote. You can see Charlotte’s preseason interview here.