#like it does sometimes feel like over time people gloss over the fact that this episode has SO much

[essektheylyss]

I know it's such a cliche at this point to the point of garnering eye rolls, but we really cannot lose sight of the fact that 2x97 is the Most Episode of All Time. You cannot ignore Essek in that episode, obviously, but honestly the fact that that happened only serves to highlight how buckwild everything else was. That was when Veth got her body back. That was when Caleb first directly set his sights on Ludinus. That was when Fjord tried to ask Jester on a date and instead ending up thirdwheeling Yasha and Beau, who WERE essentially on a date. That was when Jester locked Sharpe on the balcony. That was when Cad got Beau SO high and Fjord was forced to babysit. That was when Fjord and Yasha told Marius he had to kill someone to stay on the crew.

If any ONE of these things had happened on top of the Essek reveal, it would've been notable or memorable, but no, the BREADTH of unhinged happenings in that episode is actually stunning.

[pearlzier]

vampire!matt with a sweet girly girl

u have. an amazing brain did u know that 💓

he LOVES his girly girl so damn much, loves how accepting you are of him being a vampire and how you didn't start crying bloody murder the second you found out. he also wonders whether your blood tastes as sweet as you are, but he tries to keep that thought in the back of his head as much as he can ...... maybe one day you'd let him try, just a little. that he thinks about a lot. and your blood does taste sweet to him, due to all of those sweet smoothies and milkshakes you drink.

matt thinks you're a little too sweet sometimes, he thinks your pretty face and lacy outfits, lips smothered in gloss could give people the wrong idea. you're naive at times, very much so, so he has to step in at times. first off, you'd literally let him into your home after he'd stumbled in your yard—what was stopping you from doing it again? when you'd left your back door open one time, he'd told you, "gotta be more careful, sweetheart, you let me, a whole ass vampire in one time, next thing i know a fuckin' werewolf is gonna be walkin' in through that door,"

"...werewolves are real?" you stare at him, blinking for a moment. of course that's what you focused on.

"just—just lock the door, will you?"

you're sweet to the point of literally fucking up your sleep schedule and sleeping during the day just so you can go out with matt at night. it concerns him so bad but also makes his heart race at the fact you'd do that for him. the first few times you did it, you were practically falling asleep where you stood.

"we can go back if you want—" "no." your voice are the tiniest bit delayed and slurred from how tired you are but insistent nonetheless, and he simply eyes you for a minute before a fond smile adorns his lips, and he continues walking around the park with you with your fingers interlaced with his.

he gets a little self conscious over being a vampire sometimes, and feels like he doesn't deserve to be with someone as sweet as you, so he starts pulling away and being around you less in the hopes that you'll finally realise that you deserve something better. "i'm a vampire, a monster, you shouldn't even want to look at me, let alone date me."

"i've had exes bigger monsters than you, y'know that? you're far from it, dummy." and that gets him thinking two things: you're a fucking angel, and where the fuck were those exes, because he'd have to sort them out for you if they were that bad to you. he still doesn't think he deserves you, at all, but he starts thinking it less and less with how many times you tell him that he does.

you're super warm blooded, but especially compared to him. he's always so cold, due to being a vampire, and you hate it. not for yourself, you love cuddling up with him and clinging to him with no remorse. but for him, since you feel like it could get pretty annoying being freezing all the damn time. "you're literally shivering." you are, you're shaking the faintest bit against him. it's not obvious, but he completely notices with how attuned his senses are. "m'literally fine, matt. close your eyes, you're supposed to be sleeping," your eyes are squeezed shut, trying to sleep. though you're practically clinging to him to try get warmth, which you won't find but do so anyway, in your cute little pajamas.

or he's doing your makeup for you, as you'd requested, and his cold hand is grasping your face gently to steady you. "sit still, y'keep fidgetin', baby." you whine in return, pouting as you try to keep yourself still. he tries to hold off a laugh at the way you react, "we need to get you gloves," at that, he chuckles quietly, brows raising instinctively. as much as he loves you, he doesn't think so. "you're not makin' me wear gloves, no way in hell. gotta suck it up, i guess."

[multiwreckedmess]

Kinktober Day 23

Prompt: Bondage Pairing: dom!rigger!Hyunjin x fem!sub!reader   WC: 2k Summary: The contract exists for both of your comfort and safety. Sometimes that really fucking sucks. This is a work of fiction, it does not represent Hyunjin or any Stray Kids member. On top of this it is an 18+ work. For my comfort and boundaries please if you are under age do not interact with this. I feel the need especially with “rougher” prompts like this to put the disclaimer - fanfic should NOT ever be used as a guide to relationships or sex. ESPECIALLY SEX. Again, it’s fiction. Stuff gets glossed over for the sake of a good story. Please PLEASE please again, not fact, not a guide, just a fantasy.

Additional TW/CW below the cut.

CW/TW: traffic light system, scene is stopped(red is used), subspace, shibari as therapy, vague contract mentions, dry humping, taking photos in compromising positions, dirty talk, a lot of build up for not much pay off ya’ll.

I tried to do my best with showing a scene where a safety word is used and the scene stops because I feel like we don’t really see a ton of that in smut.

 The rope is purple and silky. You usually used red, it was what you’d seen most online but Hyunjin insisted on purple this time. It would go better against your complexion, he said. Just looking down over your intricately knotted body, you could tell he was right after all.  He smirks as you look over your shoulder to make eye contact with him. “You trust me enough to tie you up in all sorts of positions but don’t trust my eye for color.”  “I’m just used to the classics.”  “Was I wrong?” He circles you, eyes tracing the latticework of your chest harness.  “No, no but-”  Hyunjin casually interrupts you, “then if you’re satisfied so far get onto the bed and we’ll do the hips and legs.” He’s not obviously dominant. Not especially tall or loud or strong. His confidence carries off his tone in such a way that you find yourself sitting into the mattress without a second thought. “You’re being so good for me today.” He quips, carefully folding your leg up to bind your calf to your thigh. Two fingers slip underneath the rope as he carefully loops and wraps the full way down, his fingers are cooler than your thighs. The methodical and meticulous manner he does each knot is calming. Or maybe it’s the hard hug of the chest harness dulling your nervous system.  Hawkish as he looks over his work. You squirm, “your breath tickles,” you offer as an excuse. In reality your heart is thumping suddenly, irrationally. You don’t trust many people but you trust him. Focusing on the way the ropes tighten across you as you breathe, you count in your head.  Hyunjin’s hand touches your shoulder. Your eyes flutter open, you didn’t even realize they were closed. “Color?”  “Green,” a whisper in your heart says yellow. It’s not the ropes that have you nervous. It’s not the restraints. The restraints are the only thing keeping you grounded. Don’t fall for your platonic rigger, you begged yourself. Don’t fuck this up. He doesn’t like you like that, it’s his job, his hobby.  “You’re not as talkative today. Is it okay?”  You try a hand wavy easy answer. “It’s been a week. I’ve been looking forward to this.” Short and uncomplicated and complimentary.  “Mhm, good to know our sessions are helpful for you too.” Hyunjin’s gaze flicks back to the ropes. Sliding two fingers and slightly realigning one of the bars of rope, generally fussing where none needed to happen. “I like these two ties for a couple reasons. Obviously both are aesthetically pleasing.”  Hyunjin slides his hands under two of the thicker knots at the center of your chest and tugs you forward, legs spreading wide and nose almost to the belt of his pants. Your mouth drops, mind slipping into a haze.  “The second reason is both are incredibly practical for positioning. I could teach you them if you want. Both you could self-tie.” Hyunjin continues to smile down at you seemingly oblivious to the mess he’s made.  You shake your head no, unwilling to use the brainpower to respond with words.  “It must've been a rough week, I don’t think I’ve seen you slip like this before.” Hyunjin’s hand cups your chin as you lay weight into his palm. You float, eyes glazed, kept safe in his warm grasp. Safe was a term you used so infrequently and yet tied up at the mercy of this man you felt it fully. A man you only really knew in this context and nothing more, only a life within the directives of your agreement. But you like the way he makes you feel small and precious, like a piece of art to behold.  Stepping back to admire his work, your chin drops. You miss the warmth. “Really my best work yet I think. The purple…” he tsks lightly. “And to think you were fighting me on the purple.” Eyes raking your body you feel it, the swell of your mound, the wanting deepening in your core. “Do you mind if I take a picture? I promise it won’t have your face in it.”

 Not a part of the contract.  Tongue numb and heavy in your mouth you nod.  The thought flits across your mind, “I’d do anything for you to keep looking at me like that.”  Hyunjin’s hand cards through your hair, gently pulling your head back with it. “Even though your face isn’t in the photos I’d love to see the column of your neck just like that. Makes the line of your body look just lovely.”  It’d look even better with your cock in it.  Heat creeps up the shell of your ears. He looks at you longer than you expect, his hand lingers just a little longer than feels necessary. Although what, of any of this, is necessary? You feel yourself going a little crazy as your ignored cunt throbs.  “Are we comfortable?” Hyunjin finally turns from you, the zipper of his tool kit jangling as he assembles his camera. You don’t respond, still posed perfectly as he’d set you. His eyes travel to your hands, still long and loose, no tapping which he’s trained himself to notice when you’re like this. Finger wiggles meant uncomfortable, two distinct taps meant stop. It had developed naturally.  Squatting next to you a few feet away the shutter clicks. You inhale sharply.  “That’s it, let me see how the rope holds you,” he encourages you as your hips tilt and your binding presses into your skin. Not so secretly you pray for some of the pressure in your gut to release, your cunt pulsing and starting to leak. A small frustrated whine sits in the back of your throat. “That’s my girl, you’re sitting so lovely for me,” his praises continue in the flurry of clicks. “Move your body really slowly for me, focus on the drag of the cables. Really focus on slowly letting them dig into you.”  As you slowly shift around you follow his instructions, feeling how tilting one way or the other will tug and slacken opposite sides. The sturdiness of his knots never feel constrictive, instead like a silken steel frame to hold you up. Like an armor almost. You barely notice the clicking has ceased and the only sound in the room is that of your small whines and his reedy breathing.

 Hyunjin knows he needs to focus. For both of you. You, who is so fragile in his hands. So willing to give in where he knows it’s hardest for you. Yet here he is, palms sweating like a schoolboy, mouth cottony dry. “I have an idea for another shot if you’re willing.”  You look at him with cloudy lusty eyes, nodding almost innocently as you slowly hump the air. He could take you so easily like this.  “Before you agree you should hear what it is,” he tsks. As much as it sounds like he’s only scolding you, most of the judgment is internal. “I need to slot my leg between yours. Your mouth, chest, and thighs will be visible. And of course, my pants.”  You nod with a whine.  Hyunjin’s stomach drops as he approaches you and slides his leg close. He’s used to being close to you. He’s used to being close to you when you are deep in subspace. Even when you don’t know how wet and glistening your thighs have become he’s never had this issue. He’s almost glad for the constriction of his pants, unyielding fabric forcing his cock to his body. The camera lens between you works like a shield, separating himself from the scene.  “I bet you’d look good grinding on my shoe.”  You moan, head tilting back as you hips move forward, threatening to breach the contract.  He gasps as the shutter clicks, both your bodies arcing together into an ambiguous darkness. Hyunjin hadn’t meant to say it out loud.  “You like that, don’t you?” He asks tentatively. This isn’t exactly against the contract but it certainly is a new territory. “Want me to tell you more about how beautiful you look?”  You moan again, collarbone broadening as your chest heaves.  “Whoever gets to cum on those lips of yours is blessed,” his hand reaches forward, forgetting his place for a moment. “They’re already so perfectly glossy just with your spit. I bet they’re soft and warm too.”  Your tongue presses into your lower lip, tip flexing to leave a small inviting reservoir that you hope he takes advantage of. Every muscle is practically screaming and begging for him to cave into your unvoiced desires. Your forehead wrinkles as your brows furrow, wishing for a sudden telepathic link to tell him everything you need.  Hyunjin’s knuckles are white as he grips his camera. The heat of your body is so close to him. It would be so easy for him to take advantage of his. His heart seizes as his cock throbs. Pliant and needy and trusting and right there in his grasp.  Neither of you are sure who closes the gap but the second you touch it feels like wires shorting. Every neuron in both of your bodies fizzles and spits. Sparking and burning as you inhale ecstatically and Hyunjin recoils.  “Red,” Hyunjin says, almost breathless. Pacing back to his bag of tools to set his camera down. “I’m sorry I need to end the session here.” The next thing you know your feel the cool metal of safety scissors cutting into the delicate rope.  Though you’re still dopey, concern bubbles in your chest. “These ropes are expensive, let me-”  Hyunjin shakes his head. “Don’t worry about that.” Guilt settles in his stomach. He was so close. That trust you both had built he was so close to ruining. His blood is icy, shocked into sluggishness. There were so many normal steps that were skipped when he called to halt the scene. Though calling to end the scene was right, he feels like crying.  You wrap the fuzzy robe set in the corner of the room around yourself. Footsteps falling softly on the floor you ask, “do you want to be the little spoon or the big spoon?”  “Can you just put your head on my chest and hold me for a bit?”  Nodding, you sit and wait for him on the edge of the bed. Your heart seizes and pangs in an un-platonic way as he settles back on the other side of the bed. Had he asked others for aftercare like this? Not that it should matter to you.  “That was intense,” you whisper, trying to sound nonchalant.  “I’m sorry. I got too-”  “I liked it. If that helps.”  He chuckles disconcertingly, eyes to the ceiling. “We have pretty specific terms of our agreement and I-” he stops and considers his next words carefully. “-I had to step back.”  You nestle closer into his side. His slight frame doesn’t make a particularly good pillow but it doesn’t bother you much. “Intense isn’t bad it’s just I-”  Quiet settles over the both of you. Now you’re the one considering your next words as you feel your heart skip several beats. “That’s why I trust you, if that helps. We can always revisit the terms. Now that we know each other. We can revise them.”  His laugh bounces your head. “Right. We can revise them.”

I tried to do my best with showing a scene where a safety word is used and the scene stops because I feel like we don’t really see a ton of that in smut.

[lubrumalis]

I know you've already glossed over how simon would be with a partner and what kind of person he would need. but would you be able to go more in depth about what type of person you think he'd be interested in? what kind of person do you think would suit him best?

ghosts ideal type

who would this man be interested in?

first of all, i think ghost isn’t blinded by physical attraction. of course everyone has their preferences when it comes to height, weight, etcetc but i really dont think ghost cares. at least for 2009 ghost, hes a gentleman who doesn’t judge others. tall? short? fat? skinny? ugly? pretty? he doesn’t give a fuck. i think 2009 ghost is very attracted to kindness and compassion for others, leading him to have a soft spot. in the end i think he’d be very interested in someone who constantly is on the lookout for others and is very independent. in the comic hes always the one saving others and taking that responsibility, so he finds it nice when theres someone out there thats similar. hes the typa guy to fall for the girl next door whos constantly smiling, but knows how to playfully banter with him.

i highly doubt ghost would ever be attracted to someone in tf141 or working with him in the military… since to him work is work. there are also no females in the SAS (its true!) with only 2 passing pre selection in 2021, meaning ghost would have little exposure to working with female teammates. even if there is, it would be a huge slow burn romance imo.

also on the enemies to lovers thing—i dont see that happening. reboot ghost gives the vibes of a man who’d lowkey do that at first, but itd never happen. ghost is a simple man when it comes to relationships: i like you + you like me = mutual feelings. he wouldn’t get the whole ‘i kind of hate you because im pissed at you but also find you attractive’ trope. in fact he’d find it really annoying. he was already betrayed by his soldier teammates once, hes not gonna take it well if someone on his team suddenly gets aggressive towards him in the name of 'attraction'.

ghost isn’t shallow. but he would want his partner to be clean of drugs, have basic hygiene, and dress cutely from time to time. stuff like big ass and big boobs with an hourglass isn’t of his concern at all. in the comic he was in this bar full of prostitutes with his team, every soldier was enjoying their time with a girl—except ghost. he even told a prostitute to go fuck off when she got too touchy. so this can prove hes really not that hypersexual.

traits s/o needs

someone independent. they can cook, clean, live on their own for long periods of time. ghost is a soldier, meaning his schedule is different from most men. hes deployed for sometimes 6 months at a time, so his s/o needs to be content with living alone for long periods of time. the fact ghost is also deployed in active war zones and literal deserts while surviving on 5 hours of sleep, means he cant text or call daily either. this person can’t think that ghost is being distant or not loving them enough, its simply the life of a top tier SAS soldier. ghost doesn’t want this to happen either, but the person must be able to feel secure and independent without him… this also means knowing the possibility ghost could die at any point during his deployment.

someone who values acts of service. first of all, ghost has had a lot of people disappoint him in his life. general shepherd, his american teammates during the mission to destroy roba, and his dad. id argue his brother tommy too (used to be an addict), though its not disappointment its moreso “im not happy you’re on drugs”. ghost needs someone who does things for him that proves trustworthiness and loyalty. small things, like taking care of him when hes sick and preparing a warm meal when he comes back from the freezing outside. id imagine ghost does the same for his partner.

someone with good and strict morales. ghost is a good guy, and we know it. he prevented a girl from getting sexually assaulted, spent years guiding his drug addict brother into rehab, and will just punch about anyone who he thinks is pure evil. even after months of brainwashing and torture done by roba, when every american special forces soldier gave in, ghost didnt. he needs someone similar—morales they will never break … ever. even when tortured.

[nose-rice]

Guys I NEED to rant about my thoughts on Nuru because i love her <3 ramblings ahead

Like I feel like in almost every fic i read, she's just like, a side character that's there to make whitty remarks to Hugo and be the levelheaded one. If she has an insecurity or problem it's usually pretty surface level and solved quickly, or only mentioned once or twice. I think there are SO many aspects of her character that are so cool.

Okay first, I think we sometimes forget that she's a nerd just like the rest of the gang. Yes, on the outside she's definetly the most 'normal' one, but I think we should concider the fact that she's the only girl in the group, and she's literal royalty. She was raised with a completely different set of standards than the other three. I don’t think I've really ever seen anyone cover that. I feel like she would get called "mature for her age" when she's only 15/16, and almost always gets critisism when she talks back with her own ideas (like her concerns about the meteor shows for example). I feel like out on her journey, she would finally get the freedom to just be herself, and be a kid and be able to rant on about her intrests with the rest of the group. It could be a struggle at first, but it would be awesome to see her getting more comfortable with the group the longer they spend together! Nerds encouraging nerdy rants lol

Since she is a kingdom figurehead, you could also argue that she always has a lot on her hands (especially since she's very proactive when it comes to science and solving problems). This could bring up a need to be productive, or always feeling like she needs to make the right decision, even for the littlest things.

I also feel like a lot of the time she's potrayed as the "right" one, who is 100% right when it comes to stuff like arguing with Hugo. Since they're opposites when it comes to class, they often are compared through that lense. I think it's cool just having Nuru tell Hugo off for judging a book by its cover, but I feel like they have a lot more in common than they realize. I think it would be interesting to see Nuru judging a book by its cover too. Maybe not to the degree that Hugo does, but I feel like calling out both their judging would not only call out character flaws, but it also enforces that even though they hate eachother and would never want to be like the other, they have a lot of the same flaws.

Also, being sheltered in a palace her whole life, I think she might think kind of black and white sometimes, and while she knows when people are just being mean as an act, she might struggle when it comes to people like reformed criminals.

Maybe she's able to be meaner to Hugo because she justifies it by telling herself he's criminal, and therefore bad, possibly glossing over the reasons he might be like that (maybe it crosses her mind, but she tells herself it's not a good enough reason, because stealing is still stealing, and he literally steals EVERYTHING. Even little trinkets and stuff he definitely doesn't need!). When they find out about Varian's criminal history, maybe she reexamines her views on morality and how she used to see people, because by her standards, Varian is a 'bad guy' who's caused harm to SO many people, but he's also the kind, caring, helpful friend that she's been traveling with who would never willingly hurt anyone.

Moving on to Amber x Nuru, I honestly never find myself liking the ship because Amber isn't developed enough which is fine. I don't think every character has to be a magnificent work of art. Side characters are side characters, but their romance is usually written like: "wow that girl is cute! I have a crush now!" Which is cool, but then that's about as far as it gets, then timeskip! Or offscreen they're a couple now. I know it's a side couple so it won't have as much devlopment as something like Varigo, but I never really see their dynamic play out in different situations. Like I don't know how to explain it, but it feels like they solely exist to be a couple? Amber sometimes just feels like an extention of Nuru, and their relationship feels surface level a lot of the time.

I feel like too often she's just watered down to the nice, smart, grounded friend, and I don't know I just think there’s so much more to explore with her. She’s not just some side character. She's literally part of the main cast! Even in fanart I feel like she doesn't really get a lot of stuff besides funny art and just like, pictures meant to look pretty. Unlike something you get a lot with characters like Varian or Hugo.

And honestly I get it. Some characters you just don't take an intrest in. I know I find Varian, Hugo, and Nuru more relatable than I find Yong, but I feel like part of that is developing their characters rather than just seeing them on a surface level. Ofc there are exceptions and there are some stories that dive deeper into Nuru's character out there! I just happen to see this A LOT.

Wow i said "surface level" a lot didn't I 😭😭

Anyway thank you for reading my rant i wanna know what you guys think!!

[drowninginblox]

Online After Hours...

Pt: 1, 2

Kurt felt his phone buzz just a few minutes before his class. At the time, he didn't pay it any mind, Ororo just said she was covering Y/n's class and to not bother her until after 6. Fine by him. So he continued on with his day. He wasn't worried until Logan of all people texted him asking what was going on a few minutes before lunch. He assumed that lunch period would be the two of them hanging out, not Logan acting uncharacteristically nosey about his relationship with Y/n.

"Listen here bub- you were the last to talk to them, what's going on?" Kurt put his hands up. "I have no idea mein freund! They were fine until they weren't!" Logan just stared at him. "Kurt," Kurt raised a brow. Logan never used his real name unless he was pissed or it was serious. "When was the last time Y/n took a full sick day?"

Kurt's eyes widened a little before his brows furrowed. He leaned back in his seat as he tried to think of a time when that was the case. "They've taken sick days-" "Half days." someone corrected behind them. Logan smirked a little, Kurt looked up to see Scott looming over the conversation. "Y/n has never taken a full sick day. It's always been half days." Logan nods from Kurt's perifery. "Y/n insists they're fine until either class is up or we hassle them. Stubborn kid." Logan agrees. Kurt looks at him "Seit wann sind sie ein großer fan von ihr?" He mumbles. Logan scoffs, leaning onto the table as he does. "Do not change the subject. What did you do, furball?" Kurt glances up at Scott for any defense but he's crossing his arms, presumably waiting for an answer for himself. He glances between the two before sighing. "I-I don't know." He admits. "We were just joking like usual and... the next thing I know they're telling me they feel sick. I asked them if I'd done something wrong but they said it wasn't me. Ich weiß es nicht. I honestly have no idea." Scott sighs from above. "What were you two joking about?"

Kurt looks at him, confused. "What- nothing?" Scott leans down on Kurt's chair, holding onto the back of it for support. "Kurt." Kurt glances at Logan, who looks moments away from showing his claws. "Okay okay! Honestly, it was nothing too serious!" He takes out his phone and pulls up a screenshot of the original post. "I learned recently about the amount of fans I had-" Logan groans. "And I look through them to see how crazy they can get. It's funny sometimes, how diluted they are. I pray for them." Scott holds the bridge of his nose. "Are you serious?" Scott of all people growls. Logan crosses his arms and leans back into his chair only to take out a cigar when he sees Kurt try to defend himself. "Me and y/n laugh about them all the time. It's only the really crazy ones! Like the ones that think they genuinely have a chance and know me!" Scott takes out his hand. "Show me." Kurt raises a brow. "Are you sure? This one-" "Give it." He growls. Kurt hands it over and raises his hands in defeat. "Okay okay- don't tell me I didn't warn you."

Scott glosses through it. Although the glasses obscure his eyes, the fact that he leans into the screen is enough of a tell. "Oh... Kurt." He looks at him, his mouth slightly open. Logan perks. "What is it?" Scott glances between Kurt and Logan before tossing the phone to Logan. In a stroke of divine intervention, Kurt isn't fast enough to intercept. Logan catches it and reads. He furrows his brows. "Is this?" Scott stares at him, nodding ever so slightly. Logan smiles cockily at Kurt in between drags from his cigar. "You are so fucked." Kurt looks between the both of them, more confused than before. "What? What is it?" Logan slides the phone across the table. Scott looks at Logan knowingly. "Jean wants to talk to us after dinner." Logan's brows shoot up "'Bout-" Scott smirks "Yes."

Logan slowly smiles before looking back at Kurt. "Good luck furball," He says while getting up. Scot clasps Kurt's shoulder, making him jump in his chair. "You're gonna need it." Scott finished. The pair walk out of the teacher's lounge together, the impending scolding of Logan's smoking habits echoing through the halls while Kurt is left in the dust of what they might have meant. He looks back at the picture, staring at it for a moment before noticing the username. It seems familiar... somehow. "Kurt!" Someone shouts from down the hall making him jump in his seat for the second time today. He turns to see his sister Rouge. "The hell did you do to my girl?"

If he could pale- Kurt would. "Marie- I can explain-" But she was already rearing for a fight. She lurches at Kurt, who immediately teleports to a portion of the ceiling. "Hör zu, Marie! Listen! I can explain-!" He damn near begs, shaking when he sees the rage burning in her eyes."Get your furry ass down here and get your lumps!" He squeaks and teleports out of fear into the hall. "KURTIS!!!" Rouge wails from somewhere else in the mansion, far enough away where Kurt can breathe though. Breathe and think. He takes out his phone and starts to walk. Where? Anywhere.

As he walks he looks over the screenshot. He's read this thing multiple times. What is so special about it? He groans, closing his eyes and racking his brain as to how this might have upset Y/n. It's not like it's th-

He opens his eyes, looking back at the screenshot. It can't be them- "Oi! Furball!" He turns to see Gambit striding down the hall, cards in hand. Kurt makes a noise somewhere between fear and screwed. "Oh ChER!" Gambit calls loud enough for Rouge to hear as he throws a card Kurt's way. Kurt manages to dodge just moments before it explodes mid-air, the impact sending him to the floor. "Remi- I know you two might as well be brother and sister but-" Gambit throws three more cards his way. "Sit your ass down, mon ami." Kurt bmft's further down the hall only to hear the battle cry of a pissed-off best friend. "KURTIS!" Kurt turns to see Rouge flying around the corner. With nowhere else to go, he bmft's to his room, praying no one breaks down the door after he locks it and puts a chair in front of it.

Once he feels he is... oh who is he kidding he won't be safe from his sister's wrath. He only sighs, holding his hands to his head as he paces. Thoughts race through his head. It can't be them, it just can't be. If it were them.... he..

He slumps as the implication and the following realization hits him. His phone buzzes with enraged messages from half the team but all he can do is pull up that damn screenshot. He reads through it again, and again, and again. Just like that night.

When he found the post, he was scrolling through Tumblr. He told you that he was looking at the weirdos- at one point it was. But as he lingered on the shitty site night after night, he found himself fascinated with the absolute creatures that inhabit this hellscape. The fantastic artists, the writers that genuinely do have talent but somehow dedicate it to Wolverine and him kissing for some reason, the inside jokes, the history, the seemingly daily celebrations of the weirdest and most beautiful things this world has to offer- it's wonderful. Scary, but wonderful! In a way, he made it his main social media. Reblogging, liking, laughing, and learning about all the things these people think in the dead of night while his laptop died.

When he saw the post, he was looking through the Nightcrawler tag. Not to make fun of anyone. He's honestly desensitized to the amount of ways people wished he would use his tail. He was looking for a confidence boost. TikTok had thurst traps, Instagram had art, and BlueSky was mostly Portugees- but Tumblr- Tumblr had genuine flattery in the form of fanfiction, absentminded thoughts, well-thought art, and active conversation in notes...

Horniess aside- it was nice on days when he lingered in the mirror, contemplating his singularity.

When he found your post, he thought it was touching. As touching as a fan could be to a celebrity of course.

In the way, it was realistic but endearing. The writer knew they didn't have a chance with him, which was nice. Anytime he saw someone seriously understand that; he gave them kudos. But the more he read the more he felt... understood? Like- he's not the kind to lead someone on out of desperation for a partner, he's not cruel. But at the same time, the wholesome thoughts that this person held toward him were... nice. Romantic even. These thoughts that he himself considered whenever he thought about what he would look like if he passed as human... Thoughts of what it would be like to be like anyone else. To be unabashedly kissed, to hold hands without worrying about the 3 to 5 ratio of fingers, to dance with anyone without the pretense of them being understanding of him sticking out like a sore thumb. He read it. Multiple times.

In a way, it gave him hope that someone like this... someone who wished for things like this without the pretense of idolization, was real. Was obtainable. He thought about printing it out, but the printer was a public thing. He would rather die than chance someone see it. He thought about following. He thought about DMing the person behind this- posing as a fan. But he always talked himself out of it. If that person even had an inkling that it was him- It would be over. So... he just screenshot, favorited the photo, and just... looked at it whenever he felt alone.

When he showed it to you, it was because he saw you change. Not for the bad- you were amazing! You glowed or something. It was like you were given the meaning of life or you figured out the cure for cancer- you were so happy. Confident. Everyone could see and everyone loved it. He just wanted a reason to joke with you and... the post was a little cheesy so...

But now, in his room. Alone, afraid, and absolutely ashamed... all he wanted to do was take it all back. If he knew you felt this way... "Was habe ich getan?"

The gravity of the situation made him curl to the floor, the cold floor was what he deserved. He wrapped his arms around his folded legs and hid in his knees. His tail curled instinctively around himself, looping up his ankle. He wanted to yell, scream, beg, but he didn't deserve that. So instead, he wept. Not for him, he doesn't deserve that either

. But for you. You- the one person other than Rouge, he felt comfortable enough with to hold him. When he felt ugly or lost, it was you who swooped down like an angel- assuring him that he was beautiful and amazing. You- who aided and covered for him every time he was overwhelmed with work after missions. You- who by all means deserves love- set him up with people you felt would mesh with him. When you were right there- waiting in the wings. "Ich bin so dumm… Gott… erschlag mich für meine Sünde gegen sie, bitte. Bitte… Bitte, Gott… Ich bin nur ein dummer Kobold. Sie sind ein Engel und doch lieben sie mich… und ich habe alles weggeworfen, ohne es zu wissen…" he weeped.

A hand clasped at the crucifix around his neck.

"Himmlischer Vater, gib mir die Kraft, alle meine Fehler zu korrigieren. Und lass mich Buße tun, um meine Sünden gegen sie wiedergutzumachen." He looked up to the open air. "Gott, ich weiß, ich verdiene sie nicht, aber bitte nimm mir diesen Engel nicht weg. Du weißt, dass ich fromm bin. Du weißt, ich lebe für dich, aber Gott… ich lebe auch für sie. Ich liebe sie mehr als Eva den Apfel. Ich liebe sie wie die Sterne am Himmel… Ich liebe sie mehr als… nein…" He closes his eyes. "She cant love me after this..." He lays his head back on the floor while the pool of his tears grew.

If only he knew you heard his prayers.

[pharawee]

Okay, buckle up fellow BL enjoyers and people who are at least a little bit curious about Pit Babe the novel. I'm now five (very long) chapters in, so get ready for some spoilers and details.

Only, there isn't much to tell. The chapters are long but very little happens. Well, except for the fact that Charlie and Babe are just constantly getting it on. If you thought that the Big Dragon novel was pwp then think again. Maybe the smut is the alphas we met along the way. Or something.

It starts very similar to the first ep of the series, with Babe partaking in some pre-racing fun - only it isn't very fun for him because he hates the scent of other alphas. As an alpha himself he has the whole heightened senses thing and that makes him super sensitive to all kinds of scents - omegas included, I guess (yes, they exist in this universe but that's about it). And because he himself is a power bottom that leaves him with a bit of a problem. But not too much of a problem because the novel mentions hundreds of hook-ups until Charlie comes along.

Things play out the same as in the series. Charlie wants a car, Babe is his idol and he'd do anything for a chance at racing. Cue to the first of many, many spicy scenes. Babe is delighted that Charlie has no scent. Charlie already jokes about impregnating him (I forgot that this novel has mprg, why am I doing this again?) but so far it's never mentioned again.

There's very little racing happpening. The only other character from the series that has shown up so far is Way and he's pretty much the same. Way wants Babe but he's too cowardly to make a move so they're stuck in this weird friendship where Babe is really comfortable with Way being all touchy-feely. This gets Charlie jealous because at this point Babe and him are pretty much exclusive (with Babe demanding that Charlie hide behind face masks and hats whenever they're out and about as to not taint Babe's reputation as a horndog). Cue to some angry sex. And then some more sex.

But wait, somewhere along the way Babe catches feelings. He pretty much has Charlie move in with him, does some embarrassing stuff like calling him when he's gone for one (1) day and buys him a desk so he can work from his condo. They have a routine now. And so. much. sex. On every imaginable surface (some poor dudes car after Charlie wins a race where he himself was the bet) and occasion, several times a day.

Charlie is a little bit sus, though. Nothing's outright wrong, but sometimes Babe wonders if he's really the stupid boy he's grown to trust. Because sometimes Charlie reacts in ways that Babe can't quite explain but that are glossed over almost immediately because Charlie can be very distracting. One time he secretly follows him when Babe's out to buy something. He's about to get mugged and Charlie saves him (which doesn't fit with Charlie's whole personality at all). Another time Charlie's gone for a day, supposedly staying with his parents but he comes home smelling like alcohol and a strong, unpleasant scent (clearly something alpha-related) that Babe can't explain. But whatever, Pit Babe's horny and clearly Charlie is incapable of lying anyway because he's too stupid.

Yeah. 🤡

Oh, and as for the no kissing rule? Sadly that's abolished after the second sex scene in like, half a sentence.

And that's things so far. There's really very little talk about anything omegaverse, but mostly because it's just chapter after chapter of well-written smut. Babe constantly calls Charlie "his alpha" (not to his face) - but even though he's clearly in charge, Charlie has definitely taken a hold over him (and Charlie knows and uses this to his advantage). They have a really interesting dynamic. There's no power struggle at all, just a gradual shift of what their relationship means to either of them. There's definitely something up with Charlie though, but I'm surprised they're so open about it in the series.

And where does the rest of the cast even come from? Or the whole plot? Poor Winner is so sad and pathetic, he doesn't even seem to exist in the novel (just some dudes named Billy and Six who might or might not have previously hooked up with Babe).🤣

[daystarvoyage]

I often see fans demonize some characters like Belos,The Blights, Camila, into far worse versions of themselves like fans portraying Camila as abusive since she wants Luz go to Reality Check Camp to correct her behavior and certain people interpret that of her sending her to a conversation therapy camp or the Blights while they are bad parents for sure they are sometimes depicted as physically abusive or homophobic despite that sort of thing not existing in the boiling isles and Finally Belos gets made into a bigot who is sexist,racist, homophobic because he a white Christian male despite not making any insults for Luz being a woman or POC while his stance of sexual orientation or gender identity is unknown the fact he didn’t insult Luz for being a woman or POC is remarkable progressive for a Man who is born in the 1600’s also He FICTIONAL and we already have enough of those people in real life what do you think?

I do say this, people need to start separating the art from the artist and fantasy from reality,

this type of writing and fictional perspective, a lot of viewers and fans sit through, its been done throughout animation, Even in real life affecting how we see our adult figures.

hope i say this, the best way i can cause the show did the adults and supporting characters dirty with its ill pacing in storytelling and character exposure

The Fans Of their favorite media love to exaggerate disliked characters (be it villains or unpopular ones) cause of how there perceived physically or in writing in the creator's eyes. We get this at the start of the first episode introducing Camila (whos a great mother who I relate to cause, I also was on the spectrum being raised by a single mom) I feel I look at her as a character who carries a burden with her being a single mother) yet relatable cause she does her best to take care of her daughter on earth cause she to is a single mother protecting her daughter from the harsh reality cause its not all huckydorey (like the ending of the show),when she wants luz to conform. the way fans see luz assomeone needing protecting, might villanize camila firsthand(DEMONIZING ADULT MOMENT BY FANDOM) as a cheerful person luz is, fans forget that she's also impressionable, impulsive, don't think far on consequneces and needy, might gloss over the fact she needs proper mannerisms (to get by in the world at times), cause shes young & fits the viewers mold of perception, that no one should be punished cause of sexuality, it might show she doesn't need help. Let's be clear the fans are gonna gloss the fact shes a troublemaker who brings harmful items to school WHICH fans should be concerned, i mean neurodivergent character doesn't mean good personality,

2. The blight situation I swear they did Odalia dirty with this GRRR & how talented and amazing Rachel MacFarlane is (Her VA voicing hayley from American Dad.) thanks for moring mark giving her proper depth in her character on how odalia acts.

She’s also over exaggerated for being ( DEMONIZED BY FANDOM cause SHE's an ADULT) to being just an abusive mother, but however others will see it is a character who was a dark and humorous character at least & she has great writing tools to be & alador was just a plot device to make amity look good even the twins, & get rid of odalia even though her had his hand in amity's abuse, which I feel no one in the blight fam is not innocent (neither was amity, also which the twins didn't get fleshed out more & used as plot device for lumity, Which fans at times gloss over. Fans will over-exaggerate that Odalia was physically abusive to the kids but NEVER WAS! cause that's a negative perception on the fandom that (We have a adult hater situation nowadays of how this new age of Gen Z & alpha kids are raised,

i also wrote a post on the matter btw

The Belos Treatment (we al know how the creator treated him, such good potential DOwn the Drain.)

Bruh or GiIIIRRRRLL, I commend the Belos fans for being on their own ship supporting and adding more to his BG in fanfic & art

Belos was an intriguing villain who rivaled not only Frollo, the horned king, & Prof. Screweyes. This man also has a perception amongst the fans who followed the creator's way of how he was written (basically the new Chloe bourgeois treatment from miraculous.) He was only a character who was hell-bent on piping witches out and saving his humankind NOT BEING Racist Homophobic, or BIgoted, However, Chloe made racist & prejudiced remarks To Marinette in the cooking episode,(BUT BELOS DIDNT!) So he's an equal villain Who is all about equal rights means equal fights (falls under the neutral evil cause of how he was depicted into a person of tragedy upbringing to now a one-sided character (getting tired of how creators write villains in a one-sided manner.) oh and some people need proper knowledge of the 1600s cause belos was born in that era and I heard someone saying he was born in 1700s which I feel the show does suffer from anachronisms.

And don't get me started of how the fans go about Darius cause that has angry black man written all over it, along Manny being ONLY relevant in Luz's dire moment not being explored more,

hope i put down a lot of tea & crumpets for everyone hope you also can look at my video essay on my YouTube.

hope you enjoy comment and subscribe for more.

[notallwonder]

thinking again about cme 17x06. as one does.

Spoilers.

I wasn't going to post because I wrote this in a sort of fugue state after staying up super late watching the ep over and over when it first dropped. but I like having a record of what I was thinking, such as it is.

Esp about the brief discussion of BAUgate, and how jj specifically says her beef is that emily wasn’t honest with “...us, with *me*”. emily’s “I am” is earnest, but she’s on a slightly different page than JJ cuz she follows that with “honestly, I want to quit”. Emily’s still drowning in her feelings about how the job is fucking her up, jj’s just over here trying to be real with her about their relationship. And it really sounds like there’s more to the “it’s about being honest with *me*” than just BAUgate. Like….is JJ wanting more honesty about whatever the fuck happened to them? It’s not a huge stretch. I love AJ Cook's performance. when I first got into the jemily of it all with cm I was very focused on Emily but as time has passed and I've watched and rewatched, it's become clearer that JJ a huge engine driving what makes jemily interesting to me.

I’ve seen folks theorize that Emily’s knowledge of BAUgate is what caused the perceived distance between her & JJ in s16, but I personally don’t fully buy into that. Emily became unit chief in 2017ish, and section chief presumably sometime in 2020-2022. It’s unclear when she was briefed on BAUgate. She tells Luke about it like it’s mostly a done deal she inherited the problem/information, the issue was apparently dealt with, and she made a judgment call about informing them. But as he pointed out, you know once it’s on the Internet it lives forever. She’s can't be naive about that. And I think she's glossing over it a bit to try to calm him down. We’ve been given no indication that Rossi had this info, though he probably knew broad strokes, and he was UC for some amount of time. My guess is she was briefed in detail on BAUgate when she became SC. So I guess BAUgate could be a component of s16 tension with JJ, especially insofar as this is a big unspoken thing that Emily has shouldered alone in order to shelter her team/friends, and is potentially emblematic of a larger pattern of Emily withholding information and not feeling free to be open with JJ as a friend because of her professional responsibilities. But I think if we take their distance seriously it has to go deeper than this one thing. Because the weirdness between them goes back further than evolution. It’s also in the way JJ chose to fuck off to New Orleans instead of taking over as UC as Emily planned. [where does this fit in the “we don’t quit” narrative that JJ spins?]. It’s in the way we don’t know exactly why JJ & Will decided to move back to Virginia. It’s in the way some awkwardness, resentment, isolation, hurt, whatever brewed between them during the pandemic years (and before!), and perhaps unspoken history made it difficult for them to be normal with one another on a personal level.

To me, the weirdness of their interactions in s16 is most egregious in the lack of direct comfort/interaction after JJ & Luke were blown up in the shipping container. And maybe a little in the fact that Emily so happily greeted Will, of all people, when they all returned from California (made me laugh so hard my god). But the relative stiffness of their interactions has been consistent since season 12/13, I think (thinking about the what ifs/if onlys convo). As though one or both of them were making an effort to be professional but not too personal, or keep it benign and surface level because dealing openly with whatever they had going on deep down would be too painful.

I’m so glad this convo happened in a more relaxed setting. They were going to have a talk at the office! it would have been more buttoned up, might have even played more into the underlying tension between them. It wouldn’t have been JJ trying to keep Emily from quitting. Could have been harder for Emily to really hear all of what JJ was saying to her, in that environment.

Speaking of all of what JJ was saying. !!!

I agree this is a confession of love. And it’s fucking beautiful. It’s JJ being vulnerable about how much Emily’s presence in her life means to her. JJ’s telling Emily that they are stronger than their predecessors in part *because they have been a source of strength for each other, for years.* Paris, the miscarriage, yes. And, and. JJ is and has always been so strong as an individual. But Emily was also JJ’s quiet strength in Georgia, the hospital waiting room, the stalking case, the bank robbery, in Reid & Penelope’s abduction, in East Allegheny. JJ saw and believed in Emily’s humanity - her hidden dreams - from early days. She pulled her through those bleak 7 months in exile. How many times has JJ taken the sting out of Emily's mood like she did on the jet in 11x19 Tribute? JJ is making herself a source of strength for Emily, right here in this conversation (*make* them fire you!, don’t just roll over). They have such a history of mutuality: of comradery, kindness, deep care, showing up. It’s not romantic in name but can easily be read that way. It’s *really* fucking romantic, even if it’s platonic. Do you know what I mean???????

I’m obsessed with AJ Cook’s choices throughout. OBSESSED.

The way JJ pauses for that moment after “it gives me you”, making steady eye contact, letting it really sink in. She got brave, and it landed. Then she kind of rolls her eyes at herself, maybe a little annoyed at the tears starting to come, maybe a little embarrassed that she’s letting this truth out into the world.

And the “Always.” Dropping eye contact, retreating from the moment a bit. A bit afraid to watch Emily’s reaction - but also she does very deliberately look directly at Emily again for a split second! That “Always” has carried a torch, for a very long time. That “Always” at least never admitted to Emily how much it hurt when she left. How much the distance has hurt.

~ I’ve been through hell in this job but it brought us together (I love you). You’ve kept me going through awful things (I love you). Of course I’ll support you whatever you decide (I love you). I’ll always support you even when you leave me (I love you). You’ve left me before and it hurt and it didn’t stop me from loving you (I love you). Please hang on; please stay; please come back to me (I love you, I love you, I love you). ~

*gentle screaming*

And, oh my god, Emily’s reactions. Emily had no idea this conversation was going to go where it did. Immediately defensive when JJ mentions Paris - she’s still in the part of the game where she’s protesting being convinced to stay, and Paris feels like a low blow. The way she crumples into “oh goddammit” when JJ brings up the miscarriage. Oh now it’s clear this is going deeper. Like, WHAT is the full story there??!! JJ was pregnant when she came to Emily’s rescue, right? So the attack and miscarriage happened while Emily was tucked away in Paris. We know JJ was Emily’s only(?) connection to her real life in that period, and here’s confirmation that Emily was a lifeline for JJ during that time as well, perhaps implying that she wasn’t confiding in her husband, at least not fully. You know how JJ tends to keep the hard things to herself, and she was forced to keep secrets for her safety and Emily’s safety. But she shared this with Emily. Maybe Emily had to push her (she “didn’t quit” on JJ), but they were already both in the dark, so to speak, so JJ could let herself lean on that support without bringing that darkness into her home life. Emily’s “goddammit” to me sounds like: memories of grief upon grief upon desperate isolation. Sounds like: I put those memories away and it took something out of me to do it. Sounds like: That was when their love for each other deepened, grew richer and more complex. That was when something more might have started to bloom between them, some doomed but lovely unnamed thing. And then it was locked away. And JJ has the audacity to acknowledge it? Now? Emily’s been spiraling about what’s the point of fighting this battle, when I feel like I’m losing myself? And JJ calls up the memory of this awful, bleak time when they both felt horrendously lost and they *got each other through it.* I mean. I MEAN

I love Emily’s shocked reaction as JJ’s confession lands. Either Emily’s feelings never breached the platonic barrier (not my interpretation!), or she put away the possibility years ago and did her damnedest to not look back. You can see her wheels turning, her uncertainty about what JJ’s revealed, her wanting to tread carefully. And when Rossi texts and she has to make a choice? JJ’s looking at her with those big blue eyes. Time to table the full depth of the moment. Sprinkle in a little bravado. The thing about being an adult is, you still have to go to all hands meetings while you’re having an earth shattering realization.

……..

Another thing about “it gives me you.” JJ has probably resigned herself to the fact that working at the BAU is the only way she gets to “have” this much of Emily. It’s part of why she came back from New Orleans, even if never acknowledged or articulated.

You know it’s a good scene when it makes me want to watch a bunch of other scenes. Even scenes I hate. Like…I want to revisit Reid talking Emily off the ledge, the truth or dare confession (loathsome!), the scene where Emily decides to stay on as UC in s12 (love this one). The Forever People (Mr Macbeth my beloved).

Honestly maybe JJ’s poly and she doesn’t know it, hasn’t let herself consider it. She’s evidently got a lot of love to give. And that needn’t be framed as some kind of betrayal of her vows or callous carelessness with her friend’s hearts, not to my mind. Plus, like, three cheers for letting your love for someone simply be what it is, however amorphous or uncategorizable, however little you can or want to act on it.

*******

Oh my god I’ve watched this scene over and over and over. I have total brain worms about it. I feel insane. I forgot to eat lunch and dinner

*******

Jennifer Jareau. This is AJ Cook’s season, it’s her show now. I am all the way in forever and ever

.

.

.

when CME socials started posting Jemily stuff and AJ said “ultimate Jemily moment” and Paget lightly teased……I just laughed. Like, okay, sure, ancient CBS procedural. Sure, my little carousel of disappointments. Sure. LOL. After all these years, they are not going to go there, and I wouldn’t even want them to.

I did not in a million years expect them to crack open the door like this. I still don’t think they’re going to break up JJ & Will. I am not expecting a Jemily kiss. But after this episode - the pathway to such a thing is clearer than it was. And now I think if they did choose to go there, they could maybe (maybe!!) even do it well. Shocking development. Has a lot to do with AJ's performance tbh. The writing is fine, despite the way it seems to twist the facts of canon around bts reality. But she's the one laying JJ's heart bare.

.

.

.

If this is it, the full extent of JJ’s and Emily’s scenes together this season (which would be weird!), I will still walk away with warm feelings. I’m honestly feeling so grateful for the way this episode gave them room to honor the history of these characters.

Grab your keys. Let’s fuckin’ roll.

[lumina-crash]

Introductions and Information

Greetings. I am a researcher specializing in psychic abilities, and the history of both psychic pokemon and individuals. A decision was made to create several social media accounts on various sites in order to better observe the differences between discussions about psychics and the behavior of psychic individuals in real life and on the internet. Rotomblr was initially to be glossed over, but after discovering it's supposed multiversal properties, I have made the decision to include it in my study.

Of course, I am aware that people are less likely to give information if they do not trust the individual to whom they are speaking to, less so if I am just an anonymous face online. I can encourage you to give real answers and not just give responses that you think I want to hear all I'd like, but it will not change the fact that trust takes time to build. For this purpose, I will also be using this blog for slightly more personal purposes on top of it's primary objective of gathering research. There will of course be a layer of professionalism and privacy, but I am an independent researcher and am still unsure how much data I will gather will even be usable, so I don't see too much harm so long as I disclose this fact beforehand.

You may refer to me as "Nova" on this account. My favourite colour is gold, my favourite pokemon is espathra, and a fun fact about me is that I am a psychic and have had my abilities since birth. I use it/they/she pronouns, in that order of preferance.

Tag List: #Idle Chatter -> Random thoughts and musings. Idle Chatter, as the tag suggests. These are more personal thoughts, and usually will not be related to my research. I may also reblog posts I deem amusing under this tag, but I am unsure. #My World -> Information I have given about my own reality. #Question and Answer -> Questions I am asked, and my answers, either through reblogs or the "Ask" feature. A self explanatory tag. #Interviews -> Questions I ask others, especially in regards to my research. Gathering info about other psychics and other universes. #External Sources -> Reblogs of posts I consider useful to my research. Information about psychics and psychic types I see out in the wild rather than gathered from Interviews or Surveys. #Polls and Surveys -> Another self explanatory tag. Polls will be posted on this blog fairly regularly to gather information, and this tag will contain the polls themself as well as posts explaining and commentating on them after they finish.

OOC:

Pelipper Mail and all variants are OFF

IC anon hate is on within moderation. I reserve the right to change this at any time if I feel overwhelmed by the amount or it starts to boarder on OOC.

All blogs may interact in theory, but I will block blogs that make me uncomfortable for any reason. If I block you, I will not give a reason.

Please communicate with me OOC. If I have crossed a line, tell me. I will probably figure it out on my own.

If I don't respond right away it does not mean I am ignoring you completely. I have a life outside of this blog, am a single alter within a larger system (so I am not always fronting) and sometimes just don't know how to respond to replies or don't see them.

This blog thrives on asks and reblogs, especially from psychic characters and characters with psychic type pokemon/an interest with psychic type pokemon. Do not be afraid to reach out with an ask from your character talking about themself, their experiences, or someone they know. Do not be afraid to make up random characters that exist only as a single anon to tell a story. Do not be afraid to ask for certain bits of lore and worldbuilding from Nova. This is very much a place to talk about your characters (within reason) and potentially come up with new ones through sending asks! I will likely follow most of the psychic blogs that interact!

Incase you need to address the mun specifically for OOC reasons, you may call me Andromeda, and I use they/them

[waitingforsecretsouls]

Maedhros resenting or at the least not particularly respecting Fingolfin is actually kind of important to me, for both of their characters. I feel people tend to gloss over the fact that Fingolfin basically threatened the Fëanorians (Maedhros brothers and people, much as fanon sometimes likes to ignore this-) with civil war ("No love was there in the hearts of those that followed Fingolfin for the House of Fëanor, for the agony of those that endured the crossing of the Ice had been great, and Fingolfin held the sons the accomplices of their father. Then there was peril of strife between the hosts[...]"), one the Fëanorians were ill situated to win, having given up their established encampments to the Nolofinwëan host and being lesser in number, and it was only when Maedhros abdicated his crown to Fingolfin specifically that "the feud was healed" ("FOR Maedhros begged forgiveness for the desertion at Araman (undertaken with his complete knowledge and support; he only balks at actually burning the ships) and waived his claim to kingship") NOT with Fingons rescue itself.

The first thing the Sons of Fëanor are noted for basically whenever is their pride, and before Valar intervention they were the Elder House of the Noldor, undisputed heirs to Finwë (and never disputed by Finwë himself, might I add). Maedhros is a son of Fëanor, what's more he is their LEADER. He was named and raised for his rightful place in the succession and fully sided with his father in the feud, yet it's so impossible a notion that he might take pride in his inheritance? That he might have wanted it, and seen it as rightfully his? That potential decades of torment and the risk of civil strife he was poised to lose MIGHT have played a part in his decision to surrender the crown? The first thing he does afterwards is be the final voice in the establishment of relations with Doriath (without any kind of contribution from the Nolofinwëans..."A king is he that can hold his own, or else his title is vain" as a double-edged insult not only towards Thingol but also Fingolfin? No, it couldn't be.. .) relocate to the other side of the continent to create his autonomous region and balk at Fingolfin thinking he can give him commands ("[...] ill disposed to hearken to [Fingolfin's] command, and the sons of Fëanor least of all." Since, you know, Maedhros is part of said group and not singled out in this).

I don't think it's a coincidence either that Maedhros and Maglor specifically pull up with "warriors of the eastern marches" at the Mereth Aderthad (organized by Fingolfin) later. The one specifically for having a good time together, establish friendly relations, a gathering of ambassadors, not to show off your military power, you'd think. I find it hard to not see any kind of message in that.

Which is not even mentioning his actual abdication where he posthumously clinches Fëanor the win over the conflict that was at the heart of the developing feud back in Aman, the intertwinement of Finwë's regard and heirship. Maedhros firmly established Fëanor as rightful heir to Finwë, not Fingolfin ("If there lay no grievance between us, lord, still the kingship would rightly come to you, the eldest here of the house of Finwë, and not the least wise." Fëanor canonically being older than Fingolfin (and renown for his learned spirit, adding a bit of additional bite, imo. "Fëanor was the mightiest in skill of word and of hand, more learned than his brothers[...]").).

As for Fingolfin, specifically in relation to Maedhros he often gets cast as the endlessly understanding uncle, which is already a direct contradiction to canon where he explicitly "held the sons the accomplices of their father". Which is fair enough if one agrees with his overall indignation, since the Sons of Fëanor acted in full agreement with Fëanor in the matter he's angry over, yes, even Maedhros. Maedhros was fine with Araman and even wrt Losgar, remember that the one he wanted ferried over was Fingon, the one leading the Nolofinwëan host at this point who had fought on their behalf at Alqualondë, who therefore broadly met the baseline criteria for vetting initially set by the Fëanorians as a whole: "Therefore it came into the hearts of Fëanor and his sons to seize all the ships and depart suddenly; for they had retained the mastery of the fleet since the battle of the Haven, and it was manned only by those who had fought there and were bound to Fëanor."

(Am I suggesting he would have taken it as an opportunity to separate Fingon from Fingolfin's influence, if not Fingolfin outright, by indebting him to the Fëanorians? Well, I'm not not saying it)

I'm not trying to claim Fingolfin couldn't possibly have felt any compassion for Maedhros and his condition upon rescue, but fact of the matter is that whatever amount of compassion he might have felt, he still didn't stop pressuring for the crown, since the feud (in this specific instance the Nolofinwëan indigantion at the Fëanorian "desertion") , as mentioned, was only specifically (and debatably at that, with the fresh resentment created by it in the Sons of Fëanor) "healed" with Maedhros abdication and Fingolfin getting what he'd been gunning for a long time now: "[...]and the hatred between the houses of Fingolfin and Fëanor was assuaged. For Maedhros begged forgiveness for the desertion in Araman; and he waived his claim to kingship over all the Noldor[...]."

While I already mentioned it as a small comment on the negotiations with Thingol, Fingolfin's actual accomplishment as High King also leave a lot to be desired. He tends to get somewhat lionized in fandom in this regard, probably due to an impressionable exit from the story not only in actual deed but also presentation thereof. My reason for bringing this up being that, even leaving everything mentioned prior related to the family tensions aside, I find it therefore highly doubtful Maedhros would have been overly impressed by what Fingolfin does with his much coveted reward. If one takes Maedhros' comment to Thingol as expression of a genuine sentiment (and I don't see why one shouldn't-if there's one thing the Fëanorians are not lacking it's the ability to assert themselves and competency-) then Fingolfin fails by these very same criteria. I'm not trying to claim he was a disaster, just from moderatly to vastly overrated, particularly compared to what Maedhros puts up with and puts together (the Union of Maedhros may have failed but that doesn't change that it was a feat of unity for the ages, quite literally and without exaggeration).

His only noteworthy actions that can be ascribed to him specifically were the aforementioned Mereth Aderthad and sending out a message of welcoming to the newly arriving Edain. Which are both admirable but imo not actually necessary with the rate at which guys like the Fëanorians (admittedly in the prime position to make first cotact with newcomers in the east) and Finrod were making alliances and friendships with many of these groups even beforehand/on their own, leaving more of an impression of Fingolfin asserting his position of leadership than crucial intervention. He's a complete non-entity in the initial Doriath negotiations-the closing word on the matter goes to Maedhros, while the Arafinwëans are the intermediaries. His initial following of at the least Noldor shrinks rapidly, with the Arafinwëans leaving for their own realms, with a third of his Nolofinwëan followers from Valinor leaving him for Turgon and his Hidden Realm, his suggested offensive is rejected (not singularily but chiefly by the Sons of Fëanor, likely to be related to that pressured abdication), he is beaten back in the Bragollach and then goes off to die in a glorious but nonetheless suicide that doesn't achieve much of significance (Morgoth was already trapped in physical form and constant torment by the Silmarils). Leaving Fingon to hold the line and Maedhros to mopp up the mess with his Union (and retaking of the Eastern territory, includig for a time Dorthonion). His one unambiguous triumph is the Dagor Aglareb, a victory shared in equal measure with Maedhros (also I can't help observing that Fingolfin sure doesn't hesitate with the boasting. "[...]Fingolfin boasted that save by treason among themselves Morgoth could never again burst from the leaguer of the Eldar, nor come upon them at unawares." Imagine if a Son of Fëanor said something like that, fandom would never let them live it down. But Fingolfin is ever-humble and cautious, of course). His only noteworthy alliance is with the House of Hador, but even in that regard he's overshadowed by his sons and their friendship with it.

Part of this stems (in-universe) no doubt from Fingon being the one managing his frontyard, so to speak, driving back Glaurung and the attempted invasion in F.A. 155, leaving little for Fingolfin to do in this regard. But part of it also stems from the fact that Fingolfin, at the end of the day...Just does not do that much in the story and quits early. All of which together makes the reputation he enjoys as chief-enemy of Morgoth very questionable, as well as reinforces my doubt that Maedhros would have or even had reason to hold him in high regard, much less higher regard than his own accomplishments or his father.

[hotmessmaxpress]

Mate pleaseeee dont stop writing ever about marc and marco like they areee sososo ughh idk!!!! like it just works so good yk

so thats why i say pretty please with a cherry onntop to give me another snippet of them interacting in anyway🤞🙏

Here is my Bezz x Marc friendship thesis! Which is maybe not what you're looking for but I don't have the brainpower to write an entire scene. I did have the brainpower to dump all of my thoughts about them though!

Okay so in this au there are two main things that I think change Bezz’s view of Marc from enemy to bestie. One is that Bezz has a meltdown about the whole thing and Vale puts him in his place. (I wrote more of this that I might post when I like it!)

The more compelling part to me that I sort of glossed over in the first part of this au is that Bezz has a moment of realization that he and Marc are both omegas. As Marc has noticed, Bezz really doesn’t think too hard about his role as the pack omega. He just is. When Luca first tells Bezz about Marc’s bite and just how badly Vale fucked it up, it sends Bezz into a bit of a crisis that takes him a long time to really confront head on. He sort of just shoves it aside until he has had time to adjust to Marc being in the pack.

Bezz then realizes that no matter what happens, he will always understand Marc better than any other member of the pack because they share the unique experience of being an omega and everything that comes with that. While Bezz’s pack don’t treat him really any differently (at least not in a bad way– if anything they spoil him) than they would if he was an alpha, that doesn’t change the fact that they could. They could take advantage of him, especially during his heats. They could treat him like he’s lesser-than. And none of that ever really occurred to him until he found out about what happened to Marc. And at first, that scared him. The idea that his pack would ever do that to him was terrifying. Pretty quickly, though, he realized that they wouldn’t actually ever do that. Still, that knowledge remained. He and Marc are the only two people in their pack that have to cope with everything that comes with being an omega.

So when it comes to welcoming Marc to the pack (even though it takes Bezz the longest of any of the other pack members) once Bezz decides to love him he loves him. Marc is already a pro at codependent relationships (lol love you Alex) and he and Bezz pretty much latch onto each other.

Marc is who Bezz goes to when he doesn’t feel well. He goes to Marc when he’s tired. He goes to Marc when he needs attention. And on the flip side, Marc goes to Bezz as well. When he needs someone to help him be calm and clear his thoughts, he goes to Bezz.

Marc loves Vale’s room, and he loves that it becomes their room together (he even loves that Vale has a bike in there, a fact which has changed my brain chemistry). He loves the way that Vale has his little pack who all love him and listen to him and look to him for advice. But sometimes he still isn’t sure where he fits into that– he’s closer in age to most of the pack members than he is to Vale, and he really doesn’t feel comfortable giving them unsolicited advice in the way Vale does. He goes to Bezz for reassurance, and he finds himself in Bezz’s room often. There’s something comforting about having a room to go to that doesn’t smell like alpha. Bezz is always happy to have him, too. He lets Marc join him in whatever he’s doing, even if it means Marc silently pressing up against him in bed while Bezz plays video games. Bezz doesn’t even question it. Marc is always allowed in his nests or in his arms.

Maybe they’ve just had a long day of training at the ranch, and Marc’s nerves are frayed because training at the ranch always brings up weird emotions about his first breakup with Vale. And Marc could go to Vale but he doesn’t really want to talk about it and he knows that if he goes to Vale, his mate is going to get all sad-eyed and feel guilty and Marc doesn’t want that! So instead he showers and goes to Bezz’s room, where it smells comfortingly of omega and safety and calm. And Bezz has just showered and his hair is sort of fluffy the way it gets when he allows it to air dry.

Maybe Bezz is even expecting it because he knows Marc gets weird about training at the ranch sometimes (maybe this is even their routine!). So he’s ready and is happy to let Marc curl up next to him in bed. Marc is wearing a sweatshirt that belongs to Vale and he just watches, silently, as Bezz plays video games. He doesn’t join in because he’s tired and emotionally wiped out, but he keeps his chin planted firmly on Bezz’s shoulder. He feels Bezz tense every time he struggles with a battle and feels him relax when he wins. There’s no pressure to talk or explain himself or entertain the other man. They sit in comfortable silence, cuddled together.

Vale comes to check on him usually, and bring them snacks, sometimes, but Marc always stays with the other omega until he feels okay again.

[headingalaxys-spicy]

Spicy plz I’m so bored ;-;— could you grace me with some headcanons for yandere America with an s/o who seems oblivious to his tendencies but is actually just. Pretty okay with it? Like they feel like this is the best they’re gonna get so they may as well make the most of it? Despite my casual tone I’m very okay with you ripping my heart out with angst or despair in any way you see fit <3

Probably not my best work but still hope you like it!

Okay warning ya'll this post is SPICY also it goes over abusive relationships so if that's not for you I suggest that you turn away now.

Your problems all began when you were let into the real world after college. It would be easy, they said. You just needed your degree, they said. Then it would be ‘smooth sailing’. 

Sure. SURE. That was a load of total bullshit. You now had to battle tooth and nail just to have the basic necessities barely. Your future looked bleak. ‘The Dream’ that originally you wanted to achieve: Get married, have two kids, have a house you owned, and maybe a fancy car that yu could show off and keep up with the Joneses. Best them even. 

You simply wanted more time with your family and friends, so you avoided applying to ghost jobs and attending interviews that ultimately led nowhere. You did freelance work like writing gigs, catering, and the occasional art commission in order to keep your head above the water. 

Some days were easy, but most were difficult. Keeping the tiny flame ignited within you to keep you going was a 24 hr 7-day 7-day-a-week kind of job. With each passing day, finding the will to exist was getting harder. 

‘Why do anything if I’m constantly feeling empty?’ 

You felt as though you were on a pitch-black road where your flashlight could only reach 2 ft in front of you. 

That was until Alfred burst into your life in the early morning sun rays that broke through the deep blue-black of the nighttime sky. His outward warmth brought the birds to life and made the flowers blossom. He was the bright person you needed to be around you. Even if that meant you tolerated his sinister tendencies that you commonly wrote off as him being an excellent protective boyfriend in a somewhat twisted way. 

Alfred always knows where you are. He ensures the Find My iPhone tracker is activated and shares your location with him at all times. When you first saw it, and he didn’t even bother to ask or even tell you that he did so… You simply ignored it. He was your boyfriend, and that’s what good boyfriends do…..protect their highly vulnerable S/O and part of that is knowing where you are at all times. 

Things don’t escalate if you’re incredibly passive and are compliant with the rules that Alfred sets for you. You will have a lack of privacy. He gets far more possessive if individuals (s) in your midst are suspicious or seem to be far too friendly for his liking. You become afraid of him when he raises his voice while interrogating you about one of your friends or acquaintances. Alfred’s fist will have made another gaping hole in the wall, which sometimes makes you fear for your life or your family. You would nearly jump out of your skin every time you came home & you saw his infamous frown combined with sapphire blues holding back famished flames, needy for more people to devour if they dared to come in between the two of you. 

Anyone who dared to challenge him on any of his behavior would be silenced swiftly. Most of the time, his victims would never be seen again; other times, they’d end up with some horrific injury or illness that prevented his targets from having the willpower to fight back or squeal. 

You always wondered why it had become much more difficult for you to maintain genuine friendships. You glossed over the fact that Alfred demanded 110% of your attention. This makes it hard for you to have a life outside of him. He also has enforced a curfew on you. 

‘He does that so some creep doesn’t try to kidnap me.’ That would be one of the excuses that you tell yourself in order to excuse his behavior. Besides, how long has it been since you were able to get a date before him? Two or three years, probably more, since so much time has passed since you’ve had a serious long-term relationship. You couldn’t really remember at this point. 

Whenever he objects to you leaving the house, 98% of the time, you employ some tactics when dealing with him. Negotiation. You primarily used this tactic when the effects of becoming stir-crazy have become unbearable. You feared that you would be swallowed up by his home and never seen again. 

“Alfred….” your eyes will search the hardwood floor for the perfect combination of words that will assist in getting you to some level of freedom. 

“I really want some fresh air….and…it’s been forever since we’ve had a cute date on in the park….or going to my favorite restaurant that is on the promenade….” Your eyes cautiously climb up to meet his. You braced yourself for the possible avalanche that was going to careen towards you if you didn’t plant your ice ax in neutral snow. 

“Where I first began to fall in love with you truly!” You blurted out with partially feigned fervor. Enough energy was behind your words that you could see Alfred’s shoulder relax. His freshly trimmed eyebrows were raised in curiosity and disbelief. However, he wasn’t entirely convinced yet. You needed to stroke his ego a little more. He needed reassurance that you were utterly smitten with him. His continued silence was a sign for you to continue with your argument. 

“I know when the last sun rays of the day hit your magnificent sky blues, I know that we were meant to be together.” It will feel like an eternity has passed before Alfred finally responds. 

“Alright, babe.” 

You hear him rise from his spot on the couch & make his way towards you. 

“We can go tonight, but you’ve got to get dressed in something better than that~” Alfred will have pinned you to the front door as he whispers in your ear his other demands he has for you. Usually, it’s that of a sexual nature. Alfred does have you do things like: have you wear a skimpy outfit while you iron his clothes, and give him head while he reads comics or plays video games. You’re not allowed to deny him anything that he asks of you when you work out a ‘deal’ with him. If you do you’ll have to do double of whatever it is along with being chained to the bed for a few days. 

Essentially dear reader you have Stockholm Syndrome. Regardless of what torture he puts you through, you wouldn’t want your life any other way. After all, it was Alfred who brought forth the morning sun in your life which felt as though you were cursed to be within a state of eternal midnight. 

Who were you to complain when he saved you from being on the streets whose jagged teeth had the flesh of the unfortunate on them but always eager for more.

So what if you were a little traumatized?

So what if you sometimes you had scars whenever you did something to set the sleeping volcano off?

It was better than being awash amidst the sea of people who merely became a number to add to a statistical data set. 

Alfred does weaponize sex a lot within your relationship. Not only is it a bargaining tool whenever you are desperate to meet your social needs as a human, but you use it to stop his occasional rampages, get some level of privacy (for example, showering by yourself or being able to keep a dairy without him snooping in it) 

Since Alfred is an exhibitionist & will never turn down an opportunity to showcase his power over you, he will have you do extreme things with him. He’ll demand that you have sex in public with him, like in the park, at a movie theatre, at Disney World on a dark ride, or even on the top of the roof of a government building. If it’s risky as hell with an epic story to tell, then Alfred will want to rail you there. Bonus: he will want you to be butt-naked in the car as well. Alfred will want you to feel every ounce of embarrassment, shame, & every emotion in between that makes you feel vulnerable and powerless. However, this punishment will only occur if you’re stupid enough to try and plan an escape away from him or say something that majorly punctures his ego. 

No matter how much he made you cry, made you bleed after sex, siphoned you off from your support system, and kept you firmly under his thumb… your low self-esteem told you that this was what you deserved. This was normal. This was how all couples behaved.

[absolutesilly]

Another fun question to answer when you’re in the mood, what trope does FengQing fit in? A lot of people like to say rival to lovers but the thing is… these two can’t stand each other 😭 I feel like the fandom keeps forgetting these two seriously don’t like each other before the XL and MQ reconciliation (YES I SAID MQ AND XL ONLY, I just don’t think the f-f-friends part is directed to fx lol) For example, you know matchablossom from sk8infinity, those two bicker a lot but they’re genuinely best friends since young. Fengqing is nothing like that of the sort ☠️☠️☠️

fx has stated he doesn’t like mq because he’s a moody overthinker and looks down on him lol. And mq doesn’t like fx because he feels attacked by him all the time and his unwavering blind loyalty to royals. Anyways, they’ve said awful mean things to each other throughout the story and to see the fandom go “OMG HES SO MEAN TO HIM! Why would you ship them????!” “THEY HATE EACH OTHER”

like…. Duh? That’s the appeal 🙄 hear me out, hence why I believe they’re “almost” the perfect example of enemies to lovers lol.

hi hi!!! this is SUCH a good question!! these two are a bit hard to place! i’ve often called them rivals to lovers, but they definitely have more animosity than your usual rivals to lovers ship! (especially matchablossom, who as you mentioned are best friends despite their bickering… i think any similarities between the two ships are mostly aesthetic lmao, they’re verrrrrry different when it comes down to it)

there’s definitely a rivalry between them—as we see with the competition between them and their followers every year in the lantern battle—but most normal rivals can meet in public without trying to physically attack each other lmao. i think many people are too quick to gloss over the fact that they REALLY do have a LOT of genuine bad blood for most of their history! they’re not just in competition with each other, they hate each other!

i think that my own hesitancy to call them outright enemies to lovers is the fact that in spite of all this animosity, they are generally fighting on the same side of things! working under prince xie lian, serving as the two gods of the south, and joining forces to try to protect xl after his third ascension—they’re ALWAYS forced to team up! i generally associate true “enemies to lovers” with being on opposite sides of some big conflict.

in addition to working together, it’s clear that they don’t view each other as their “greatest enemy”—ie. they easily join forces when they believe there is a bigger or more pressing threat. hua cheng is the greatest example of this; it’s clear their distaste for him far outweighs their dislike for each other.

a lot of this may come down to my own personal definition of “enemy.” but i think what really makes me pause is the fact that it’s obvious neither of them has ever actually wanted the other one dead! whether they’d like to admit it or not, they cannot live without each other. we repeatedly see them save (or at least try to save) each other from danger, and in spite of all the hatred between them, they ran the south together for 800 years without either one ever genuinely trying to get rid of the other. (contrast this with yin yu and quan yizhen, who were tasked with running the west together… that didn’t work out!)

rivals to lovers doesn’t feel quite like an apt description to me, but neither does enemies to lovers. the more i think about it, the more i want to make up a category of my own, which is:

coworkers (derogatory) to lovers!

the enmity that can exist between two coworkers is something that is so sacred. sometimes you work with people who you really fucking hate! but my god. you work with them anyway, because you have to. and sometimes you accidentally work REALLY well together, in spite of everything. and sometimes, you get a new, even worse coworker that makes you realize the coworker you thought you hated actually isn’t so bad. maybe you like them. maybe you even love them.

[jadefyre]

On Threats to Murderbot’s Sense of Safety, Sense of Self, and Sense of Belonging

or: How the People We Meet Change Us, And Why That’s Not a Bad Thing

An analysis of Murderbot’s emotional foils and its character arc across the first three novellas of The Murderbot Diaries. (This is part 1.)

Written for @murdermetamay and also available to read on AO3

---

In the chapters leading up to the DeltFall Debacle in chapter five of All Systems Red, Murderbot emphasizes several times how it has to act like a good little SecUnit or else it’ll be found out as ungoverned and scrapped for parts. It has spent 35,000 hours constantly refining how it operates, keeping close watch on its actions and the consequences of its actions, and being hypervigilant—all in the name of surviving for another day of watching Sanctuary Moon instead of committing mass murder. 

Whether or not it has been entirely successful at remaining undetected throughout those 35,000 hours is unknown to us as the audience. If there have been times where it realized it was almost caught, it doesn’t mention them, and if there were times when someone else noticed it was rogue, it didn’t know about them. So, to us, it’s been doing a pretty good job of hiding—but that certainty unravels very quickly as things start to go wrong for the PresAux survey team.

First, in that opening scene with the fauna in the crater, Murderbot takes it upon itself to ensure Volescu also gets out safely, despite MedSystem’s lack of useful instructions (aside from giving him a tranq). In doing so, Murderbot reveals its actual appearance to the whole team for the first time. Rather than the impersonal opaqued helmet they’ve all gotten used to, now they see its human face. This in itself is not anomalous. After all, calming victims, which it apparently sometimes has to do, is much easier when there’s a human face for the victim to look at rather than a soulless robot that doesn’t know what an emotion feels like. 

Given the corporate attitudes we see throughout the series, it’s reasonable to assume that If this were a corporate team or contract, the revelation that the SecUnit has a face might have been momentarily uncomfortable for them, but would ultimately have been glossed over/forgotten about so they could go back to pretending it’s just another part of the habitat. In fact, Murderbot says as much, and even expresses it out loud to Mensah while they’re hiding in the jungle from GrayCris: “It’s usually better if humans think of me as a robot.” 

While in the hopper, holding Bharadwaj, Murderbot says it tries to be “as much like an appliance as possible, [...] keeping my head down so I couldn’t see them staring at me.” 

The first time it does something it’s not supposed to in front of these humans is when it yells “No!” at Ratthi shortly after getting in the hopper, but it doesn’t dwell on that too much because it was covered up by the humans also yelling at the same time. 

Thus we begin to see the first cracks in Murderbot’s self-protective facade. But we also see how much it does seem to like these humans. It understands their interpersonal relationships, who’s friends with whom, who has a crush on whom, and that Dr. Gurathin is a loner but that the others seem to like him. 

Next, Murderbot begins to dig itself an even deeper hole by verbally answering when Mensah comes to check on it in its cubicle. It chastises itself for doing so rather than not answering and pretending to be in stasis, but it notes that this is due to its awkwardness rather than its paranoia about being discovered as a hacked unit. 

The next day, when Mensah invites it to stay in the crew area with them, it notes that it is out of practice controlling its facial expression because of the usual opaque faceplate and is probably making an expression “somewhere in the region of stunned horror, or maybe appalled horror.” 

When Murderbot removes itself to the security ready room, it says: “Now they knew their murderbot didn’t want to be around them any more than they wanted to be around it. I’d given a tiny piece of myself away. That can’t happen. I have too much to hide, and letting one piece go means the rest isn’t as protected.” 

In other words, now they know their murderbot isn’t just an emotionless robot, and actually has thoughts and feelings. Their belief otherwise has been a huge part of Murderbot’s cover up to this point, and now that part of its cover is gone. 

Despite that, Murderbot continues to be helpful. That’s its job, and it likes these clients. Enough that it gives its real opinions on things when asked, enough that it is proactive in making sure it’s able to go with them as they investigate the map weirdness, and proactive in reporting anomalies like the autopilot cutting out. 

But Murderbot’s sense of safety as a SecUnit—especially one without a functional governor module—is directly linked to how well it performs its job. The better it performs, the less likely it is to be investigated, and the less likely it is that the humans will discover that it even has a sense of privacy that can be violated in the first place. 

Enter chapter five. Murderbot makes it back alive from the DeltFall habitat. Its humans have saved it from the combat override module. And then Dr. Gurathin tells everyone that Murderbot has a hacked governor module, that it is rogue.

That sense of relative security it had about its continued existence shatters in an instant. But, wait. Its humans, aside from Gurathin, don’t seem to see this as a big deal. Murderbot even lets itself have an emotion—a sense of betrayal—about Volescu’s apparent agreement with Gurathin, before changing its mind when he proved it wrong immediately after by defending it.

It has so far not expressed any emotions about Gurathin one way or another in this scene. It’s reporting the situation, play by play, although it does say it likes Overse because she also steps up to defend it. 

Up to this point, Gurathin has been cautious. Speculative, yes, but he only knows so much, and despite his goals being misaligned with Murderbot’s at the moment, it doesn’t actively hold that against him—at least not in its logs—because it also understands the necessity of caution. 

Until Mensah asks Murderbot if it has a name, and it says, “No.” 

Because that’s when Gurathin says, “It calls itself ‘Murderbot.’” 

And Murderbot finally stands up for itself directly. It grates out, “That was private.” 

Murderbot’s relationship to its name could be a whole other essay, but it has demonstrated over and over again in the narrative that it does not want to be associated with murdering, and it especially does not want its humans to associate it with murdering. And now these clients, most of whom it likes, know what it calls itself. And they know it’s rogue. And it is terrified of what that will mean for its personal safety in the aftermath of this revelation, but mostly, it’s concerned because... how can they trust it now? 

Of course Murderbot doesn’t like Gurathin. In this moment, it might even hate him: He violated its privacy, threatened its autonomy, and threatened its existence as a sentient being all within a very short amount of time. He attempted to break what little trust PresAux might’ve had in it. It has every right to hate him.

Additionally, if a “good” human can do that, how much worse will it be once it’s been turned over to the company?

It says a lot about who Murderbot is as a person that it chooses not to harm Gurathin even though it could. It cares what the others think of it, and of Gurathin, but even without that excuse it wouldn’t harm him. Otherwise, why hack its governor module? Why go through all that trouble to continue existing as a rogue unit in the first place? Who would it even be, if it had hurt him to save itself? 

It doesn’t know, and it doesn’t ask. First it needs to get these clients out alive, and then it can deal with all the existential consequences that follow. To get them out alive, they need to trust it, at least a little. It’s a lovely detail that one of the first steps it takes toward reasserting that trust is proving that it has, in fact, been watching Sanctuary Moon this whole time. 

So they let it help them, and it does get them out alive. These strange but nice humans buy its contract, buy it. Gurathin may have threatened its autonomy, but it saved his life along with the rest of PresAux, and they repaid it in kind by taking it to safety. Or trying to take it to safety.

Because Murderbot doesn’t want the safety they offer, not yet. It doesn’t know what it wants, but it knows it doesn’t want to be told what it wants. Before it decides, it first has to figure out what to do about those existential consequences.

[mamawasatesttube]

Kon-El questions 3, 7 and 16

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

hmmm. how do i put this. it's like... the way karl kesel treated him as a self-insert for his own teenage fantasy self or whatever sometimes. obviously this comes out in the way he gets preyed on by adult women and this is played off as cool and chill, but it also comes out in the way a) kesel writes his flirting. sometimes it's very endearing and cringefail, and other times he's kissing women without consent, and that's played off as chill and fine because kesel thinks it should be and the women in question almost always are fine with that, but also b) he writes off concerns about indigenous hawaiians in kon's narrative (like silver sword or ...man i'm forgetting that kid who gets jealous of him and has powers about it for a minute, but that narrative). and like. yeah. white man in the 90s wrote this for SURE. i don't think it's like, written in the absolute poorest taste imaginable, because there's a lot of ways where it seems almost like they were trying to be respectful of native hawaiian culture, but then there's shit that's so far off the mark it's like. dude. and it's very evident that it just reflects karl kesel's own views much more than any character in-narrative.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

lmaooo that's a toughie!!!! fanon kon at large is just. straight up not my boy. however there's a subset of fandom who leans into him being genderqueer/gnc/trans a lot more than canon ever has and i looove that. trans kon truthers lets go ♥

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

LORD. tim/ber/kon is the one that makes me roll my eyes hardest, alongside the rarer but no less irksome ber/kon. it's like... this is 100% not about kon as a character. this is about tim. ber/kon is almost funny in that it's entirely about tim but with tim himself cut out of the picture. but tim/ber/kon is just "let's take tim's most popular two fanon love interests and just shove all of them together!" and i have yet to see Anything even remotely try to convince me why kon and bernard should give a shit about each other. like, MAYBE you could sell it as a loooong slow burn, but i just. i don't see it man. putting the rest under a cut bc i AM gonna ramble about why i dislike it, so if you like tim/ber/kon or tim/ber and don't wanna see that, keep scrolling here👍!!

this is also partly bc i just... man i really wanted to like bernard and tim/ber but there's nothing there. i knew i didn't like rebirth tim characterization going in when i read tdr but i was hoping i'd at least find some crumbs. it's all just ... like there's no substance to it. there's no conflict, no character flaws, no "why do they even like each other???", no particular way they seem to help each other grow. it's just tropey "told, not shown" fluff where megfitz insists they are SO in love and perfect for each other, over and over, without backing that up really at all, and it just holds absolutely no appeal to me. and when it's just tim/ber i'm like yeah ok sure it's not my thing but whatever. but when people start trying to shove kon into there i'm like NO!!!!!! sdjkfhkd like im just SO unconvinced and it feels like such a great steaming heap of Nothing.

the main reason that is is that to me a relationship needs to have an arc. it can't just be stagnant. if there's no conflict, if there's no room for growth, if there's no development, it falls apart in my eyes. it doesn't feel like a real story about actual people. and as far as the tim/ber dynamic established in tdr, there's just. nothing. even the fact that bernard apparently somehow knows that tim is robin, which should be a HUGE source of conflict, is completely glossed over. it never comes up in any way.

like, we know that tim wants to tell people, but holds back out of a sense of duty. in robin '93, he agonizes about this with steph. but when bruce tells her his identity without his consent - which steph tells him bruce did immediately - he flips the fuck out!!!! he panics and runs away and he's furious with them both!!! so you'd ostensibly think that bernard knowing, and then not telling him he knows, would be sowing the seeds for an explosive conflict later down the line. especially because bernard now knows that tim is just. lying to him. all the time. shamelessly and blatantly lying through his teeth. and sure, it's for a good cause. right? but you'd think that in a relationship that's only just been established, just for a few months, that would also be offputting!! you'd think he'd start getting more and more unhappy that tim is just constantly lying to him and he knows it!! because he knows it about the robin secret, but what else might tim be lying to him about??? he knows now that tim has no qualms just lying to his face all the goddamn time, and he's... FINE with that???? there's this giant secret they're both dancing around and it's set up that there's just. N O T H I N G done with that. it drives me up the wall. i found this absolutely infuriating to read. both of them just being so one-dimensionally "oh we're in looooove so nothing else matters" that it erodes not only tim's specific characterization but bernard's ability to react like . idk. a human being? it just feels like running into dead end after dead end.

so yeah adding kon into that mix makes me want to tear my hair out bc it just feels SO surface-level. it's like... how much of him are you gonna shave off to fit him into this soulless, conflictless mold? it's like how i get annoyed when tim/kon fics ignore kon being genuinely really upset tim didn't share his identity with the team in yj98, but worse. because identity shit REALLY matters to kon. kon has never dated anyone who didn't know he was superboy. all of his civilian friends in sb11 know he's superboy. like, he does Not get close to people if he can't share that. it would be!!! a source!!! of conflict!!! but i've never seen Any ship content for tim/ber/kon that isn't just either completely declawed fluff that's just oh hehe tim has two boyfriends, or "kon angsting over tim dating someone else uwu" bullshit, which occasionally leads into completely declawed "tim has two boyfriends" fluff. it just does such a disservice to every character involved imo.