#like it changes my face shape so bad and beauty filters always make me fuck ugly

[oetscop]

trying to take selfies more bc i honestly just. stopped taking them around 2022 lol i literally dont even know what i look like anymore (he/they)

[transmascissues]

it's silly but the biggest reason why im not into t yet is bc im so afraid of losing my hair. do you have any solutions/tips for it?

first of all, i don’t think it’s silly — it’s natural to be worried when hair loss is talked about by so many people as like…one of the worst results of aging for men. listening to my dad talk about how much he hates balding definitely did not make me feel particularly good about the knowledge that i may very well be joining him someday. i’m not saying the fear is right, because i don’t think hair loss is something awful that we should avoid at all costs, but it’s an understandable fear given the beauty standards we’re working with, and it’s one that a lot of us (myself included) feel.

one thing that’s helped me is just…paying more attention to the guys that i interact with on a daily basis. i’ve learned two things from it: 1) hair loss is super fucking common. i’d say it’s much harder to find an adult man who isn’t balding at all than it is to find one who’s completely bald. and 2) if you forget everything you’ve been told about how bad hair loss is, you’ll realize that quite frankly, every single one of those guys looks totally fucking fine. it doesn’t ruin their appearance and make them ugly, it looks totally natural and isn’t really even something you’d notice if you weren’t looking for it. we put so much weight on it but it’s really just not that big of a deal. i’ll hear my parents talk shit about men in my family who are losing their hair when i didn’t even notice a difference last time i saw them. it’s one of those things (like so many other appearance-related things) that you really only notice at all because you’ve been taught that you’re supposed to care about it.

this isn’t something i’ve done personally, but if you really want to desensitize yourself to the idea of it, embrace the time-honored queer tradition of just shaving your whole damn head! find out what you’d look like without hair, find out how you feel about it and what you can do that makes you feel good about your appearance without hair, test the waters while it’s still a temporary change and not something permanent. that way, it won’t feel like this big scary unknown, and you’ll actually have a frame of reference for your feelings about how you look without hair rather than accepting the societal assumption that you’ll inevitably hate it. if you don’t want to actually shave your head, you could also just fuck around with bald filters or photoshop and see what happens.

oh, and if you’re attracted to men, keep an eye out for guys who are bald or balding and also hot as fuck. in my experience, there’s no insecurity or potential future insecurity that being gay for other men hasn’t helped me with. just off the top of my head, i can think of a couple actors who i think are absolutely fucking gorgeous who have helped me get over my fears about losing my hair. despite what our anti-aging-obsessed world might want you to think, there is no such thing as a physical feature that automatically makes someone less attractive, and while making attractiveness less of a priority in your life is good, it can’t hurt to also give yourself some proof that actually, you might lose your hair and look hot as hell doing it.

basically, entertain the possibility that it won’t be a bad thing at all! whether that’s just because it turns out to be a neutral thing for you or because you end up actually liking it, it’s not an inherently bad thing. i’ve ended up liking a lot of things that were “supposed to” be bad effects of t — i love the weight i’ve gained and the new shape it gives my body, i get a lot of gender euphoria from the fact that my acne is now on parts of my face that i saw a lot of guys in high school get it and i’m not complaining about the scars i get from it either because i’ve always liked the added texture that acne scars give my skin, and so on. i think there’s a lot of joy to be had in the changes we’re taught to fear, once we look past that conditioning and actually explore how we feel about it.

but if it’s something you really don’t want and you just want to improve your chances of not having to deal with it, it’s not like there’s nothing you can do! products like finasteride (oral) and minoxidil (usually topical but i think there might also be oral versions) are pretty commonly used among trans guys, for the purpose of avoiding hair loss and for other reasons, and there are plenty of other anti-hair loss products out there (though i don’t know how effective any one of them might be). if it’s a big enough deal for you, you can just decide that you’ll go off of t if/when you start noticing signs of it, since no longer having higher t levels would stop the process in its tracks. and if you don’t find prevention options that work for you so it ends up happening, you can always explore different hair styles (judging by the pattern of hair loss i see in my family, i suspect that keeping my hair long would make it less obvious if i started losing mine), find your preferred method of covering it when you don’t feel good about it (personally i love a good beanie generally and would probably wear them a lot more if i didn’t have hair to worry about because my main complaint is the way they press my hair onto my neck), or just shave it all off if you don’t like the look of the partial balding but don’t mind a shaved head. the point being — you have options!

at the end of the day, whether you go on t or not, you’re going to see your body change as you age in ways that aren’t always going to be attractive to others or aesthetically pleasing to you. that’s just the reality of having a body. even if you never went on t, you’d get older and you might see your hair thin out even if you don’t bald, you’ll see your skin start to wrinkle and sag in places that used to be smooth, your metabolism might slow or your body fat might start to gather in new places; hell, you might lose your hair for a totally different reason and end up in the same place but without the benefits of having been on t that whole time. life is full of bodily changes like that. transphobes will fearmonger about the permanent changes of testosterone all day long but the truth is, there is no escaping permanent bodily changes. whether or not you go on t, your body now isn’t the same as it will be in 1 or 5 or 10 or 20 or 50 years, just like it isn’t the same as it was at any point in your life before now. our bodies are never supposed to stop growing and aging and changing throughout our lives. there’s no guaranteeing that we’ll love every single change our bodies go through, but that’s okay! there are so many things in life that are more important than the way our bodies look. even if you go on t and lose your hair and don’t like how it looks, your life won’t be ruined; plenty of other things will bring you joy and more than make up for the insecurities.

just think about the gender euphoria and relief from dysphoria that t could give you. would losing your hair be bad enough to outweigh all of that? or is it just the pressure of a society that decided balding is bad that’s making you fear one single change despite how much joy you could have if you let that fear go? only you can decide if going on t is worth the potential downsides for you, but i suspect that for most of us, the benefits of going on t far outweigh the possibility of side effects like hair loss happening down the line.

[mandoalorian]

Pain Is For The Living [Javier Peña x F!Reader] - Chapter 1 (SMUT)

Summary: Sex work in the heat of 1980’s Colombia was never going to be a walk in the park. Especially not when you had a crush on your number one client, agent Javier Peña. You’d been warned about him and his reputation, but after one very specific incident that would change your life forever, you find yourself attached to him like never before and you’d do anything to make him yours. Even if it means endangering your own life.

Warnings: 18+ SMUT (male receiving oral), allusions to sex, reader works in a brothel, PTSD, anxiety, panic attack, mention of drugs, guns, character death, typical Narcos themes.

Word count: 4000>

Series Masterlist

*reblogs appreciated! Ko-Fi in bio if you want to support me!

It was the hottest summer in twenty years; or at least that’s what the weather lady had told you when you were getting ready for work this morning. 

You’d been searching for your best friend Rosa all over the brothel, asking your colleagues if they’d seen her anywhere. They all shook their heads or shrugged their shoulders before disregarding your presence completely so they could get back to their conversations. You understood their cold nature to a degree. You were new and fresh-faced in Bogotá, and this sex work was the only thing paying your rent. Sometimes you got the feeling they didn’t like you, but you did your best to shrug it off. The manner of your job wasn’t an easy one, that’s for sure. But Rosa had been with you from day one. Not only was she your only friend, but also, she was a mentor, and she taught you everything you needed to know about being a successful sex worker in the heat of Colombia.

You finally found Rosa outside the brothel, leaning against the brick wall, her sunglasses perched on the curve of her nose. Immediately something felt off. You couldn’t put your finger one what exactly it was, but everything about Rosa’s demeanor concerned you. The cigarette that she held between her fingers was almost completely puffed out, with just a noticeable pink lipstick stain on the foot of the filter paper. You stood next to her and leaned against the same wall, by her side. You noticed her shoulders relax a little at your presence, but Rosa still didn’t say a word. It was strange. She was usually bubbly and talkative, eager to tell you all the gossip she had learned from her clients. 

“Peppermint for your thoughts?” you asked Rosa, diving into your pocket and bringing out a carton of peppermint candies. As you waited for her response, you placed one on your tongue and sucked on it longingly. You’d been working long hours and it was the first thing you’d eaten all day.

“In a minute,” she said, dismissing the sweet and wiggling her finger in the air. She huffed and narrowed her eyes, watching the busy roads intently before taking one final drag off the cigarette. She stumped the end out and threw it away, but the cigarette that was once in between her lips was now replaced with her thumb as she nervously bit at her nails. “Has Limón  come by today?” she asked you eventually.

You knew the cab driver. He’d frequented the brothel a number of times. Rosa often had a lot to say about him until suddenly, she just didn’t.

“Not that I know of,” you replied innocently, but something still felt so incredibly wrong. “Rosa, is everything okay?”

Rosa’s head snapped to face you, and for the first time you noticed the fear strike in her honey coloured eyes. She sighed and pursed her lips together, before raising her hand and cupping your face. Her thumb grazed the height of your cheekbone and she finally smiled. But it wasn’t like her usual smile. It was soft and— sad.

“Of course,” she told you. “Nothing to worry about.”

And you knew better than to push Rosa, so you decided to leave it at that.

Silence with Rosa was comfortable. You both observed the bustling streets of Bogotá. You were thinking about the simpler things in life, like whether or not you could afford the luxury of canned spaghetti hoops in advance of this month’s rent payment, or where in the brothel you’d left your signature lipstick. Rosa, on the other hand…

“He’s an agent you know.” She announced suddenly.

You furrowed your eyebrows together. “Who? Limón?”

Rosa let out a bark of incredulous laughter, and you assumed as such. “No no, not Limón. I’m talking about Peña.”

You felt your cheeks warm up at the initial mention of his name, and you tried to fight back a smile. You had to keep cool in front of Rosa. Sure, the whole brothel knew about your crush on your client but only Rosa’s opinion mattered to you. “Javier?” you quizzed, as if you needed to question who Peña could possibly be.

Rosa rolled her eyes playfully and you stifled a laugh, realising how silly you sounded. “You’ve got it bad huh?” Rosa acknowledged and you felt a flush of shame creep upon your cheeks. “It’s okay. When I first started out I had countless crushes on my clients.” she confessed, and her revelation made you feel somewhat better about yourself.

“How do you know that… about Javier?” you wondered out loud, biting your lip and trying to sound as casual as possible. You’re the girl he’d been fucking with for the past two months and he hadn’t dared open up to you about a single personal detail in his life. Truth be told, that’s what made him different from the other guys. So if anyone was to know anything about the man, it should be you. Why wasn’t it you? You couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy that your beautiful best friend was seemingly omniscient. “Have… have you been sleeping with him?”

Rosa frowned apologetically and smoothed out your hair. “No honey. I wouldn’t do that to you,” she promised and you nodded your head slowly. You had no reason not to believe her but she still hadn’t answered your question. Just as you went to prod her further, she opened her mouth. “But be careful. Crushes on clients can be dangerous. You never really know who you’re working with. Javier has a… reputation amongst the brothels in Bogotá.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat… a lump that you didn’t even realise you were holding back. “He seems nice. Respectful.” you admitted with a slight shrug of your shoulders. You’d be foolish to dismiss a word of advice from Rosa, but warning you about Javier…? You knew him better than that. You knew him. You had every inch of his body memorised. You could spot his scent from a mile away. You knew he was a good guy.

Rosa hummed slightly before squinting at an oncoming truck that was pulling up outside the brothel. “Speak of the devil.” She muttered.

“Javier!” you couldn’t help but beam excitedly. You quickly turned to face Rosa. “Could I borrow your lipstick? I lost mine and I-” Out of nowhere, Rosa pulled out her pink lipstick and passed it to you. You took it willingly and gave her a quick hug of gratitude. “Thank you.” you mumbled into her neck before pulling away. 

“Be careful!” Rosa called after you as you ran back inside the brothel and into the lobby where you’d wait for Javier.

Be careful. You chuckled a little at her words. You had nothing to worry about. You quickly applied your lipstick with as much precision as possible and checked your hair in one of the many mirrors. Your heart rate picked up speed the second you saw him enter the lobby. Today, he was wearing one of his trademark colourful button down shirts - this one, a pale yellow colour that was comparable to the sunshine. He was frowning, just like always, but the bright colour on him radiated an air of enlightenment.

He looked around the lobby in search of you, and when his eyes finally landed on you, he immediately felt at ease. You waved him over with a smirk and he took off his aviators, hanging them in the v of his shirt. His eyes were beautiful, like the deepest shade of cocoa. You made an unfortunate habit of getting lost in them at any given moment.

“Hi Javi,” you cooed, placing the palm of your hand on his chest. “You’re early today.”

“I can’t stay long,” he grumbled. “Have to get back to the office. Can we make it quick?”

You tilted your head curiously. “What do you have in mind?”

Javier brought out his wallet and handed you enough peso’s to cover an easy blowjob. He looked up at you, hopefully, with an adorable sheepish grin on his face. You took the money from him and nodded your head before taking his hand and guiding him to your room.

It was the room he’d grown completely accustomed to the past few months. He knew his way around. He was comfortable. He closed the door behind him and immediately worked at undoing his belt. You glanced over at his payment that you’d discarded on your dresser and thought long and hard. You really liked Javier. Enough so that you felt weird about taking his money. He was different to the other guys. You fucked men because they were paying you, but you fucked Javier because you liked it. You wanted it. Every second he wasn’t with you… you only craved him more.

Too lost in your own thought, you’d forgotten the man of your dreams was standing by the door waiting to get sucked off. He cleared his throat awkwardly and your head snapped in his direction to face him, your eyes going comically wide. You felt embarrassed that you’d left him waiting and quickly paced over to him, kneeling down and unzipping his denim jeans. He was already hard, judging by the familiar shaped imprint against his thigh.

“Everything okay?” he hummed as you pulled out his cock. His question turned into a slight garble as soon as your fingers graced his leaking head. You gathered his precum and rubbed it along his thick length and his eyes immediately snapped shut.

“Yes. Why?” you asked innocently before pressing a kiss to his slit. You looked up at him through your eyelashes with wide doe-eyes.

“Looked like something was preying on your mind.” Javier muttered, scrunching his face up in pleasure as you licked a stripe along the base of his cock. You extended your hand to massage his balls and you continued to pump at his length.

“Isn’t that why you’re here?” You beckoned further. “To let go?”

“Fuck,” Javier hissed. “More.” he pleaded and you quickly obeyed, wrapping your lips around his head and pushing his cock deep into your mouth. You felt his body tense up and he threw his head back against the wooden door. “More!” he choked out.

You hollowed your cheeks and sank your lips as far as you could go, so his groomed pubic hair tickled the tip of your nose. Tears began to prick your eyes and you pulled off him quickly to gasp for breath. Javier was heaving and panting too, and you took a second to look up at him and lick your lips. He was so perfect, a thin sheen of sweat glistened along his collarbones, only just noticeable under the dim amber lights of your room. Before he could catch you staring like a hopeless lovebird, you reattached your lips around his cock and finished up the blowjob, feeling more than satisfied when his ropes of cum spilled into your mouth.

Once his cock softened enough to tuck himself back in, he zipped up his jeans and redone his belt but not before helping you stand. Meeting respectful guys like Javier Peña in your line of work was a rarity, that’s for sure. Still you couldn’t help but think about Rosa’s words as you watched him smooth out his shirt. No visible police badge. No signs that he was an agent. To say it irked you was an understatement. How did she know he was an agent? There wasn’t a chance he told her… not when he was so secretive with you. You’d been fucking him for two months now and you didn’t know a single detail about his life. You didn’t know where he lived, or how old he was, or if he had any siblings. Rosa might have been your best friend, and she swore to you that she wasn’t sleeping with him on the side, so how did she know?

Of course, it could’ve easily all been bullshit. She could’ve been scheming a way to get you to fall out of love with him. Nobody likes a cop. You couldn’t figure it out no matter how hard you tried, but you knew for sure Rosa would never want to hurt you. You were annoyed for letting yourself get so irrational. You just wished… you wished that he’d talk to you. Treat you more than just some whore he got to use at his own beck and call. Your stomach twisted when you realised that was exactly all you were. A fool facing the wrath of unrequited love. You sighed and grabbed his jacket from the bed.

“Thank you,” he said, taking his jacket and swinging it over his strong forearm. It was too hot outside to wear. You nodded in acknowledgement but didn’t say anything.

For the first time since meeting Javier Peña, you had let yourself get hurt, and for no good reason either. You couldn’t confront him about it. You couldn’t tell him no matter how much he asked you. You just had to suck it up and get over him. He was a client and that was all he could be. Nothing more. Rosa was right. Falling for your customers was a dangerous deal.

“You’re my favourite, you know.” Javier announced, his voice low and heated. You locked your eyes on his. 

“What?” you asked, completely taken aback. 

“You’re my favourite girl,” he clarified with a small shrug, as if his comment wasn’t life-changing. Just like that, you were once again putty in Javier Peña’s hands. Your determination to get over him lasted all of five seconds. Before you could reply, he took a step closer to you, breaking any distance and placed a hand on your cheek. He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering against your skin noticeably longer than usual.

You weren’t mad anymore. Your feelings for him were restored just like that. Your eyes were wide as he pulled away from you and licked his lower lip. You felt like you were melting over the sweet menial gesture. You wanted to say something - anything. You wanted to pull him on top of you and crash your lips against his. But no matter how hard you tried to say something, no words came out. All you could manage was a shy little smile. It was the same smile that made Javier’s knees weak. He squeezed his hand into a fist to resist the urge of kissing your perfect lips and instead readjusted his sunglasses. You ducked your head down shyly and opened the door for him.

“Stay safe.” he uttered.

The same two words he told you after every visit. Stay safe. It was almost as if your client had a genuine care for you. You nodded in affirmation and offered him one last smile before he left the brothel and headed back to ‘the office’. Do agents even work in offices? You wondered.

You paced around the corridors of the brothel to find Rosa, wanting to return her lipstick and also tell her about Javier. You were excited. He really said you were his favourite girl. Out of all the girls, you were his favourite. To say you were beaming was an understatement. 

You caught her speaking to Javier as he walked out the brothel front door and you felt an anxious knot in your stomach tighten. It was hard to make out from the distance, but by the looks of it, Rosa was crying. The conversation was only brief, and Javier nodded along to whatever she was saying, before handing her a card and leaving for good. You officially had questions. You went to push through the crowds of people but a man much taller and larger than you placed a hand on your shoulder and pushed you back.

“Whoa,” you stumbled. “Can I help you?” He made some crude gesture with his fingers indicating the type of sex he wanted with you and you couldn’t help but scrunch up your nose in disdain. “Yeah okay,” you agreed with a small sigh. “Just a second though, I have to find someone. My room is 20 if you would like to wait for me--”

“No,” he growled, pinning you against the wall. “Now.”

You glanced behind his shoulder searching for Rosa but she had evidently already disappeared. 

“Okay.” you huffed, pulling yourself out of his grip and leading him to your room. You supposed you could tell Rosa about Javier after you’d dealt with this guy.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

He’d left about ten minutes ago, and you were just finishing up in your room, getting ready to clock out of work and call it a day. The brothel lobby was often loud and bubbly, but the second you heard all the muffled chatter stop, you knew something was up. You pulled your purse over your shoulders and locked your room before walking down the corridor. As you approached the lobby, you heard loud footsteps and yelling. The second you stepped foot in the main room, you saw the man Rosa had been asking you about earlier in the day, and your heart sank.

“Where the fuck is she?” Limón shouted. He and another man paced around in circles. It had gone quiet because the men had the other girls, your colleagues, pressed against the wall, holding guns to their heads. Your eyes widened in horror and you immediately brought your hands up in the air to surrender.

“Are none of you whores talking? Where the fuck is she?” the other man hissed. 

“La Quica,” — so that was his name — “Shut the fuck up. You’ll draw unwanted attention.”

They hadn’t noticed you yet. There was still time to escape. But your feet were frozen to the ground. How could you dare run away and leave the girls here, unable to fend for themselves?

Limón pressed the handgun to Martzia’s head. “Where is she?” he spat.

“Who?” Martzia gasped.

“Rosa!” Limón bellowed, clocking the gun in anger. “Where the fuck is Rosa?”

“I- I don’t know!” Martzia cried. She was visibly shaking in terror. All the girls were.

“Bullshit!” Limón snapped back, and within a second, he pulled the trigger and Martzia was dead on the floor.

On impulse, you looked away, but you’d already caught an eye-full. Martzia’s blood was not only on the wall behind her, but it was on Juliet too, who was now a whimpering mess. Taking a deep breath, you mustered up all your strength to look back at the girls. Most of them had their eyes closed and their tear stained cheeks glistened under the dingy lights.

“You. Shut the fuck up.” Limón  growled before moving over to Juliet and pressing the gun against her head. She choked out a sob and apparently that was enough for Limón to pull the trigger on her as well. You slammed your hands against your mouth and let out an incomprehensible noise. That got Limón and La Quica’s attention. La Quica grabbed you and pinned you up against the wall so you were only centimetres away from Martzia and Juliet’s limp bodies.

“How long has that bitch been standing there for?” Limón asked angrily and La Quica shrugged his shoulders. Limón pulled on your hair so he could get a good look at your face. “Hey La Quica this whore must be new. Haven’t seen her around before. Nice ass too.” He smirked, wrapping his hand around your neck and squeezing it. “Do you know where Rosa is?”

You didn’t. But neither did Martzia and that had got her killed. Even if you did know where Rosa was, you wouldn’t give up that information. You couldn’t. Your heart was slamming against your chest and when you felt the handgun press in between your shoulder blades you thought you were going to pass out right then and there.

“Limón.”

It was her. It was Rosa. You felt the handgun slowly slip away from your back as both Limón and La Quica turned around to face your best friend. When you were certain they weren’t looking at you anymore, you turned around too so you could take a look at Rosa yourself. When your eyes met hers, you saw her face soften.

“Rosa!” Limón hissed, running over to the girl. “Tell me it isn’t true. Tell me it wasn’t you.” Limón grabbed on to Rosa and began to shake her. “My apartment was fucking raided, Rosa. A kilo of coke, gone. They know. They know we’ve been chauffeuring Escobar.”

You were baffled. We? She’d been helping chauffeur Pablo fucking Escobar? You shook your head in disbelief, praying it wasn’t true. She’d been lecturing you about the dangers of your job when she’d been doing the most dangerous thing of all. And how could she not tell you? If she had just told you… maybe you could’ve helped her. Maybe you could’ve done something. It couldn’t be true.

“I called the cops,” Rosa confessed, her voice emotionless and her face stone cold. “I called the cops and they put me through to the DEA immediately. I met with an agent. I told him everything I knew. I ratted you out Limón, and you should thank me.”

Limón raised his hand and slapped Rosa across the face. “You bitch!” He shouted. “How could you do this to me Rosa? How could you fucking--”

Then, a gunshot.

The sound was blinding and everything went in slow motion. You swore that your heart stopped beating as tears streamed down your face. You screamed as you watched her body fall to the ground.

“La Quica you fucker! You killed her! You killed Rosa!” Limón cried out in anguish, grabbing his friend by the shoulders. “What the fuck man! What the fuck!”

“She confessed,” La Quica huffed, trying to calm his friend. “I know you liked her but she’s a fucking whore, Limón! She made her mouth go. She’s the reason you had the fucking DEA sniffing out your apartment. We’re not only in trouble with the cops but if Escobar finds out… shit man. I’m scared.” 

Both La Quica and Limón were visibly freaking out. They had put their guns away at least, but they were pacing around in circles again and shouting at each other. But you couldn’t hear a single thing. You couldn't see anything... just the blur of their bodies. You couldn’t smell and your fingers felt numb. You felt like you were falling. Your chest was tight and your heart was broken.

“We have to run Limón, three fucking gunshots. Three dead bodies. The cops have probably already been called.” La Quica informed Limón as he helped coach his friend’s panicked breathing. You looked down at Martzia and Juliet’s bodies on the floor and then your gaze followed over to Rosa’s body. As the men scrambled out the brothel, you fell to your knees and crawled over to your best friend.

“Rosa,” you whispered, tears streaming down your cheeks as you picked up and cradled her body in your arms. Her blood was all over you, and you felt like you could throw up at any second. “Rosa please. I- Rosa. No no no what… What did you do Rosa?” You chanted your best friend's name and cried into her body.

What did she do?

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[refriedweeb]

YOU SAY I AM WHOLE WRAPPED UP IN YOUR ARMS (HAWKS + FEM!PREGNANT READER)

A/N: HEY BABIES! I'm back from the beach and ready to fuck up some feels. This comes requested by @peregrinestook <3 I listened to the softest, gentlest, saddest music writing this, so I hope you enjoy my babies

Prompt: “how about some hawks fluff with a pregnant reader? 🥺”

Tags: fluff, pregnancy, pregnant reader, domestic hawks

Word Count: 2,151

You shouldn’t have been surprised that what felt like a blink of time in you and Keigo’s relationship, you’d wound up pregnant. It was a two to party sort of ordeal, and as two adults there was only so much that could be spoken for. You knew Keigo went into periods of rutting in the spring, where all he did was want to claim a mate and to have babies with them. It was part of his instinct as an avian hero, and just because you’d been some several fresh months into your relationship didn’t make you exempt. As a matter of fact, while you’d been doing the deed that had gotten you pregnant, Keigo had uttered over and over again how he was going to put a baby in you. How excited he was to get you pregnant.

And you knew what they said about the things you spoke into the universe becoming a reflection of your reality...

Four weeks later, your period had been late. The first thought in your head had been that it’d just been thrown off by some hormonal shifts from the other women that worked around you on a day to day basis, but then it still hadn’t come after another week had passed. And then that lingering thought in the back of your mind had rolled all the way to the front of your thoughts. You might have been pregnant. It certainly would have added up, your last period before the missed one having fallen just in front of Keigo’s rutting season. Without telling Keigo what you thought was up (partly out of fear that he’d react poorly now that he was out of his rutting season and partly because you didn’t want to instill a false sense of hope if a family was what he wanted) you took a handful of pregnancy tests. They all came back positive. You made an appointment with a doctor to get tested. That came back positive.

Of course, Keigo had noticed it before you had. It was something in you that had shifted in a way he’d never seen before. The way that your skin just seemed to glow more than it ever had before. It was the way that the smell of you changed to something else he hadn't ever had to know before. Yet, even with his suspicions that you were carrying his child, Keigo didn’t say anything to you about it while you were still working out what was going on. The thing about Keigo wasn’t that he didn’t want a family. As a matter of fact, he did want one. The reason that Keigo waited for you to come to him with the realization that you were pregnant, was one much darker. He’d grown up without any true idea of what a family and unconditional love was. For someone like Keigo, the want and realization that he could have a family was terrifying. What if he wasn’t a good parent? What if he’d fuck his child or children up in the way the commission had done to him because that was all he’d known in terms of parental figure? Keigo couldn't imagine doing to an innocent child what had happened to him. What if his child came out with wings and the commission saw some way to capitalize or exploit it? There were so many points of confusion and contradiction in his head about how to feel about the impending news you were bound to tell him, he didn’t know how to feel about it.

He wanted a family. He wanted what he’d gone his entire life without. But just because he wanted that...didn’t mean he’d be any good at it.

Keigo had been relatively quick to change his tune on that. It’d started when you approached him with the collection of pregnancy tests you’d been hiding and the ultrasound you’d gotten when you’d gone to the first appointment to confirm with hard proof that there was indeed a baby growing inside you. He’d held those pregnancy tests in his hand, stared down at all those positive pregnancy signs on the little sticks. It’d hit him pretty hard in that moment, but had been nothing compared to the semi-truck that had plowed right through him when he’d seen that ultra sound of a little tiny chicken. One that was supposedly growing inside your belly. Keigo had been silent for a long period of time, his avian eyes glued to that little tiny thing that was developing inside you. He’d been quiet, stoic while you shifted around nervously, waiting for him to say something. 

When he finally remembered he had a voice, Keigo’s words were simple. Effortless in how they’d fallen off his tongue. “I’m going to be a dad.”

That’d been months ago, and since you’d handed that ultrasound to him, Keigo had known what he wanted with you. Now, you’d just passed your four month mark, just over halfway to when your due date was. And Keigo had been nothing shy of perfect. Every weird or odd craving you had, he’d jumped to get it or find it, or find someone who could get it. If he’d been obsessed with touching you before, it’d only been amplified since the appearance of your baby bump. You knew it’d always been in Keigo to have a breeding mindset, but the sex had turned an entirely different corner during your pregnancy as well. Things were different, though not in a bad way. He’d never thought you as weak or needing coddling before, but Keigo handled you in a very different way now. He was mindful that his child grew inside that beautiful belly of yours.

The past couple of months had gone by in a whirlwind. The place you and Keigo had gotten together (though really before that you might as well have been living together with how often you were at his place) was fully furnished, the nursery that would become your child’s slowly coming together as you and Keigo worked together to make it perfect. Despite the chaotic schedules you both worked around, Keigo hadn’t missed a single appointment. On his patrols and when he did his hero work, he carried a tinier version of that first ultrasound you’d given him. Folded up and creased well from how many times he’d opened it up to either show others or to look at it when he was hovered in the sky with a soft smile on his face. Despite his fears, his worries about his own ability to parent a (hopefully) mini-version of the child he’d been (and could hardly remember) before the commission had gotten a hold of him.

And you...he was so in love with the thought of you as a mother. As his wife, as his partner for the rest of his life. Keigo had never felt particularly fond of the domestic approach to life, so sure that he couldn’t have one of his own. But all it’d taken was the right person, the right time. All it’d taken was you.

Such were thoughts and memories that filtered through his mind as he rested his head on the bump of your belly, his index finger tracing idle shapes over the soft skin there. It was a lazy day, and neither one of you had thought it worthwhile to get out of bed. Keigo’s cheek was pressed up against your belly, letting out little coo’s and trills from the back of his throat, hoping that his son or daughter could hear him through the skin, muscle, and fat. He nuzzled his head against it, which only brought a giggle from you, causing your belly to shake as his head popped up.

“What?” Something that you’d taken notice to since the moment Keigo had jumped on the fatherhood bandwagon, was how much more protective he’d become over you. Any moan or groan from stretching or even the smallest pain that had nothing to do with your baby, set him on edge. There were times where it could become overwhelming, but you knew he did it with the best intentions. He just wanted to be able to protect the things that he thought were most precious to him. You and his unborn child.

“Nothing,” you answered, head propped up on several pillows. You reached out and pushed some golden blond hair from where it’d flopped onto his forehead. “You just tickled me, is all.” Keigo watched you for a beat longer to make sure that was all that was wrong, before he dropped his head back to your belly and resumed his tracing. He traced your belly, you combed through the usually windswept and knotted golden hair of his with gentleness. The two of you lapsed into a stretch of quiet, though it’d always been comfortable. You stared down as Keigo followed the route his finger too, the only sound following shortly after the sounds and tongue clicks that came from the back of his throat. 

“Do you think they’ll like me?” Came his sudden question. “Our baby, I mean. Do...will I be a good dad?”

It’d been a question you’d seen in Keigo’s eyes several times throughout your pregnancy so far, but never one he’d actually vocalized. To hear it asked then, his voice so hesitant as if he really considered the fact that the answer would be a no, broke your heart. You sat up straighter in your position. Keigo stirred, twisting around so that he could look up at you. His brows were turned up, eyes open and vulnerable as he waited for your answer. 

“Keigo,” you said, feeling the (pregnancy hormonal) shift of emotions overtake your thought process. Quickly enough, tears prickled at the corner of your eyes. “Keigo, how could you not be?” You leaned in as much as you could with your protruding belly. “You are going to be the best dad to our little chicken nugget,” you said, hand reached out to cup his cheek, the stubble tickling your palm. “And they are going to love you so much, and nothing is going to change that.”

He thought about the things he’d done in his life prior to meeting you. Prior to wanting to be a better version of himself that didn’t rely on a cynical sense of self-preservation in order to get through the days. It’d taken so long for Keigo to admit to himself that he had a life worth living. He averted his gaze from yours, looking down to your swollen belly. “You think so?”

Your grip on Keigo’s chin tightened, bringing that look back up to meet yours. “Of course I do. You know why I think that? Because you didn’t have it, and you would never want anyone to have to go through what you did. Because you have so much love already in your heart, for me, for our baby.” Your thumb brushed over his cheek, and Keigo leaned into your touch with closed eyes. “Because it’s too easy to imagine you waking up in the middle of the night and tripping over some toys in the nursery to feed them, teaching them how to tie their shoes, how to fly if they have wings like they’re incredible dad,” the tears in your eyes blurred your vision, and you felt wetness on Keigo’s cheek from his own tears. “Taking them up to look at the stars, to chase the sunset, and giving me a heart attack the entire time you’re gone,” you whispered. “I couldn’t have picked a better person out there in the world to raise a family with.” was your conclusion, the words final as you swept away his tears. “Please don’t doubt yourself like that ever again, Keigo.”

He opened his eyes slowly, golden eyes noticeably softer. The emotion behind your words were ones he felt straight to the center of his being. How heavy the conviction was behind them. Keigo leaned over and pressed a series of chaste kisses against your belly. A belly that held his future and half of his world in it. The imagery you’d made with your words played in his head like a movie he had yet to see. “I’m sorry, kid. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

You shook your head, hand moving back to his hair. “Don’t be. Just know whatever it is you think you won’t be able to do...you’ll be able to do. Especially with me at your side.” Your stomach gave a little rumble, drawing both of your attention to it. “Though, I do think baby Keigo could do with some chocolate and marshmallow ice cream right about now...”

This perked Keigo right up, and with one final press to your belly he was sprung from the bed, throwing on some grey sweats and the jacket he wore when he flew. “I’ll be back in ten.”

[gretavanbitch]

Tangled up in blue- 2

warnings- drugs lol 

One month and six weeks prior- 

Keeping herself busy when Josh was gone was no easy task for Penny. She tried her hardest to focus on work, sitting in front of rows of developed film, feeling burned out. There was no good reason for this feeling, simply that she was lonely. Sighing, she thought of the only thing to relax her and calm her mind without Josh, weed. 

Her bare feet padded across the hardwood floors of their loft softly, overalls rustling slightly as she made her way to their bedroom. She walked to the brown cabinet next to her side of the bed and pulled out a small encrusted gold box. This box was opened probably too often when she was home without Josh, but also when he was there. She pulled out a filter, and papers. Then taking a bunch off the gram, she grinded it slowly, closing her eyes and wishing she was somewhere else. As her hands moved absentmindedly, she imagined what the boys were doing right now. They were probably on some tour bus or green room getting drunk, which sounds a lot more fun than getting high alone. She imagined Josh, sitting in some plush chair with some extravagant jumpsuit on, smiling and laughing with his friends, without her. She decided to shoot him a text, just some reassurance that he was still there. 

Penny: Hey babe, Jake try to murder you yet? 

Sent: 8:23pm 

She sat, licking the joint closed and waiting eagerly for a reply from Josh. After five minutes, she decided that she would put on a record and smoke, just to pass the time. Joni Mitchell’s Blue started to reverberate off the walls of the apartment, causing her to smile softly to herself. She remembered back to the first road trip she took with Josh, playing this album over and over again until they reached the other side of the country. His hair would run wild with the windows down, and a smile never left his face that week. Snapping back to reality, she brought the joint to her lips and lit her lighter, inhaling deeply and falling back into the couch. After the record had run through both sides, she felt like she needed to do something with her day other than smoke and miss Josh. 

Once again, the rows of film stood daunting before her. It was as if they were the royal guard for an impenetrable force in which her motivation was protected. With a hazy mind, she started flipping through the photographs of the recent week, smiling wider with each one. Your favorite was one that you took of Josh outside of a cabin in Washington. He stood away from the camera, but was smiling straight at it, teeth shining and bandana around his neck. That was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen, the purest form of natural beauty. Nothing like anything, ever. She also chuckled to herself as she flipped to one of Sammy biting Josh’s hand, and Jake posed dramatically against a boulder.

She loved the way that the light reflected with the camera lens, and the way that it interacted with the subject. Just as she was about to write down a title for the series, her phone buzzed on the table next to her, lighting up with a notification from Josh. 

Josh: Hey mama, just got off stage, it went great. I wish you could've seen it. How did the film come out? 

P.S, Jake has tried to stab me sixteen times already. 

Sent: 12:34AM

Penny: It came out great, here see. 

Attachment: 3 images 

Sent 12:35AM 

Josh: Beautiful, my love. You have a gift for manipulating the light, it's amazing. Can we talk or are you too tired? 

Sent: 12:36AM 

The thought of talking to Josh without seeing his face and expressions change with each word, caused her chest to hurt with want. So instead, she clicked the Facetime button rather than call. 

Her phone vibrated for a few seconds, panging in her ear loudly. Yet within the blink of an eye, she was greeted with her favorite pair of brown eyes staring onto the screen in front of him. She smiled, and floofed her hair to make sure it didn’t look too trash. 

“Hey pretty lady,” he smiled at her. Josh was laying on his back on a bed, presumably on the tour bus. He was lacking in a shirt, but the beads that always decorated his neck hung down past his chest. His hand was stretched above his head, and the phone was angled up from his stomach. 

“Hey pretty boy,” she responded, positioning the phone in a more comfortable position on the couch, “watcha up to rockstar?” 

“you know the usual, living the life, but I really really really wish you were here, everybody does.” His eyes blinked slowly, showing signs of tiredness, but he would never reveal that to you right now, your time was too precious. 

“I do too, trust me its so fucking depressing here with just me and Marely,” she sighed, reffering to the tabby cat that her and Josh adopted together a few months ago. 

“aw how is she?” He asked, smiling into the phone. Penny moved the camera to her right, displaying the cat that was curled up by her hip. 

“She is great, but wishes she was living the rockstar life,” Josh chuckled to Penny’s response. 

“Okay but seriously Pen, can’t you just call sick for one week, say you got really bad food poisoning,” he pleaded. 

“If I say that, then I feel like I will accidentally manifest that I will actually get food poisoning for a week,” she laughed into the phone. 

“fair point, but it’s not the same without you here, I’m not the same without you here,” his tone shifted to a more serious one with every word, looking straight into her eyes through the screen. 

“I mean technically I’m on studio time right now, so they wouldn’t know if I came with you for a week or two...or they would fire me,” she scratched her chin, thinking out the possibilities in her head. 

“If they fire you, then just go freelance, they never fully understood your work anyways,” he smirked at her, knowing that she always complained about the company she was hired by, repeating their failures for understanding creativity. 

“Alright Kizka, you drive a hard bargain,” Penny smiled. 

“Is that a yes?” Josh’s eyes widened at the blonde girl through the screen. 

“it is not a no.” 

“fuck yes, so I can book you a plane ride to California for tomorrow?” He now got up from the bunk, excitedly running to his computer. 

“Mhm, just tell me what time.” 

“Ok here’s one, leaves Nashville at 8, gets in Cali at 10,” Josh said, calculating the time difference in his head. 

“you are such a bad influence, Kizka,” Penny rubbed her forehead tiredly. 

“I will see you tomorrow my love, get some sleep okay?” he smiled at her tired expression, kissing the camera of his phone sweetly. 

“see you tomorrow.” and with that she hung up the phone and exhaled loudly. What just happened? One conversation with Josh and she hits the road. It makes her think back to when she didn’t have anyone, and spent years alone in her little studio apartment, taking photos of walls and birds. Now she would drop everything with the snap of his fingers. In her heart she knew that her dependency on him for happiness was not right, but she was too deep in. Her head was stuck underwater, surrounded by the cool rush of his love. The flaws went unnoticed by both of them in fact, just simply mistaking it for head over heels infatuation. 

As her head hit the pillow, she thought that the emptiness of the room was less significant as it was a few hours ago. Maybe it was the excitement of the idea of not sleeping alone tomorrow, or just the few minutes of hearing his voice. Whatever it was lulled her softly to sleep. 

In a hazy dream, she remembered her and Josh’s first kiss. It was outside of their favorite bar after their second date. He stood next to her, shoulder pressed to hers, and hand interlacing with her own. He was wearing his usual attire, a white long sleeved shirt and tan pants. Yet he looked extravagant, his energy was inherently outgoing. As he says, the Kizka’s have a “flair for flair”. The cool wind seemed to push the pair together, jostling her hair softly as he looked over at her. His eyes were slightly hooded, closed just a slightly against the wind. Her glances fell down to his cupids bow, admiring its shape, then to his lips where she wished she never had to leave. He noticed the shift in her gaze and did the same himself, smirking at her. She smiled, tugging his chin towards her. His hands laced through her hair, smiling into the kiss. Their lips met, and they fit together like they were made for each other, and no one else. 

Her alarm forced her out of the wonderful image that played in her sleep, jutting her eyes open to the harsh sunlight of the morning. She quickly packed an old leather suitcase with a few pairs of jeans, shirts, and dresses, knowing that she would be stealing jewlery and sweatshirts from Josh. In what seemed like five minutes she was at her gate, coffee in hand, and camera stowed in her carry-on bag. She decided to text Josh that she was about to board the plane, knowing that he was probably still asleep. 

Penny: Hey, boarding now. I’ll text you when I land

sent 8:05am

She then put her earbuds in, deciding on listening to the new album, just so she was prepared to sing alone at the shows. It wasn’t like she hadn’t memorized it the night it came out, but she always felt bad listening to it with Josh, it just felt odd to her. The first song to come on shuffle was Light My Love, and she nearly cried remembering the fireside performance she witnessed a not too long ago. 

The plane ride went by in what felt like minutes. Her mind was racing with so many thoughts, most about getting in trouble with work, but others about Josh and how excited she was to see him and the rest of the band. The tires of the plane landed in California with a jaulting thud, and she was brought out of her dissociation. 

She knew that Josh expected her to uber to the venue, after all he was probably just waking up now. So she called an uber, standing outside of LAX clad in an old Janis Joplin shirt, flare jeans, and her classic high heeled leather boots. Penny looked straight out of the 70′s, but Josh felt like the 70′s, a pair who perfectly complimented each other. 

The uber ride was bumpy and seemingly and hour too long. She finally reached the venue at 11:46, hastily thanking the driver and sauntering to the tour bus parked behind the stage. She knocked a few times on the door, and after the third time, she finally heard a groggy “what do you want” 

She smiled, pushing the door open with her foot and walking up the stairs, she was met with a pool of long brown hair and a very naked Jake laying on one of the bunks. Josh was nowhere to be seen. 

“Oh hey Penny, what are you doing here?” Jake asked casually, ignoring the fact that he was naked. She was not phased by the latter twins actions, after all, she spent a fair amount of time with the band and often felt like she was equally as close with all of the members. 

“Just lookin for my loverboy, any idea where he is?” She answered, leaning against on of the seats camly. 

“I think I remember him saying he wanted to go hear the acoustics of the empty stage, so maybe he’s there,” Jake answered groggily. 

“thanks,” she said as she made her way, now at a faster speed then before towards the back entrance of the venue. The staff didn’t seem to bat an eye at her as she hastily walked hallway after hallway until she reached the back of the stage. Then she saw him, standing with his arms out wide, silently absorbing the feeling of the empty arena. 

“babe?” she said, accidentally making it sound like a hushed whisper. 

The curly headed man then turned his head over his shoulder, smiling. His smile widened nearly ten fold when he saw the girl to his left. She looked amazing, her hair seemingly always falling in just the right way, she paused for a moment, reaching for something in her bag. 

“don’t move, and look forward again, just like you were before,” She smiled and clicked the shutter of the camera, knowing it would be beautiful, every photo with Josh in it is. She then put the camera away and ran into his arms, collapsing into his embrace. He hugged her tightly, moving his hands up and down her back. 

“I missed you so much my love,” He said into her hair. 

“I missed you more lover,” she replied. 

Hey pretty people! I hoped you liked this chapter, I may or may not write another either tomorrow night or by sunday! Asks are open for Jake or Josh imagines BTW!

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 77 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). 💫

Previously: Violet had to come to terms with Sutan’s past. Courtney got whisked away for a luxury vacation. Fame enjoyed entertaining Juju and Detox’s youngsters.

This Chapter: Courtney tries something new, Sutan and Raja chat, Violet gets an intriguing invitation, Adore and Tati catch up on the hot goss, and Dahlia has an embarrassing run-in.

***

“See anything you like?”

Bianca had just dumped the contents of a canvas bag onto the bed, and was looking down at Courtney with a half smile, clearly waiting for some kind of response. Courtney blinked, her mind still a bit addled from drinking all day, wondering what those objects were.

“What are…” Courtney trailed off, heat creeping into her cheeks as it slowly dawned on her what she was looking at: a large and varied collection of colorful sex toys. She bit her lip, touching one of them, heart pounding.

“Well?” Bianca sat down beside her on the bed, a grin deepening her dimples as she watched Courtney’s face.

“Um...I guess I’ve always wondered what a vibrator’s like,” Courtney admitted, looking closer at the various toys, taking in their shapes and textures. “I’ve never actually tried one.”

“Never?” Bianca asked, and she sounded so incredulous that Courtney found herself blushing even more.

“Well, I...I lived with my parents, and then in college I had roommates, and...I dunno. Shut up.”

“You’re adorable,” Bianca said, kissing her cheek. “But, okay...anything you see that piques your interest?”

The good thing about the liquor still strong in Courtney’s blood was that it helped ease her self-consciousness. It allowed her to blurt out the first thought that came into her head, even looking boldly up at Bianca with a naughty expression.

“Why don’t you show me your favorite?” she asked, leaning back on her elbows.

Bianca held her gaze for a few seconds before nodding, grin deepening into a confident smirk.

“Alright.” She chose one of the toys, sweeping the rest off the bed. “This...is called a Magic Wand…”

She placed the toy between Courtney’s legs, the rounded, velvety-soft top just barely touching her. Courtney arched forward, trying to edge closer.

“Uh uh...not so fast, my love…” Bianca began to kiss down her throat, smiling into her skin as she listened to Courtney’s pained whimpers.

Everywhere Bianca touched her, Courtney felt tingles on her already heated skin, a hunger for more blooming inside her as she dug her fingers into Bianca’s shoulders. When Bianca’s lips ghosted over hers in a teasing kiss, she summoned the strength to grab her hair and pull her in closer.

“You ready, angel?” Bianca moved her hand down to the wand, the back of her fingers brushing against Courtney’s thigh as she gripped it tightly.

“Yes,” Courtney breathed, praying that whatever the toy did, it would relieve the unbearable pulsing between her legs, satisfy the ache spreading in her core.

“Okay…” With one last kiss pressed to the corner of her mouth, Bianca turned on the wand, and Courtney was immediately electrified by the quiet buzzing against her, a gasp leaving her lips. “You like that, baby?”

“Y-yes…oh god…” Courtney threw her head back, her hips thrusting up again and again, unable to get enough. “More...please…”

Bianca turned up the vibration, pressed the toy harder against her, and Courtney let out a moan, full-throated and shameless, unable to hold back.

“That’s right…” Bianca purred into her ear, shifting slightly, now using her own weight to press the toy against Courtney’s clit, freeing up her hands to wander higher, fingers skating over her skin.

Courtney squeezed her eyes tightly closed, thighs around Bianca’s hips, arching up to match her rhythm. And then, something incredible happened. First, Courtney heard Bianca’s breath begin growing ragged in her ear, felt her touch change from light and teasing to intense and urgent as she wrapped her hands around Courtney’s waist.

Her hips were rolling faster now, pressing Courtney down into the mattress, choked whimpers unlike anything Courtney’d heard from her before sounding from her throat. Courtney took Bianca’s face into her hands, wanting nothing more than to witness the look on her face as she came. She watched with rapt attention, positively enthralled by the way her eyes rolled back as her whole body shivered with pleasure. She brought her face closer, brushing their lips together, swallowing up her beautiful broken moans with kisses.

When Bianca’s hips finally stuttered and then stilled, she almost immediately started squirming uncomfortably.

“Too much,” she gasped, and Courtney somehow knew exactly what she was trying to say.

She reached down and pulled the toy out from between them, switching it off and then tossing it aside before wrapping her arms around Bianca once more, holding her close.

Courtney couldn’t help but feel like seeing her fall apart like this was a rare honor, in spite of the number of women she’d slept with. She took that privilege seriously, cradling Bianca in her arms, stroking her cheek lightly with a finger.

It was awhile before Bianca spoke again, clearing her throat, almost embarrassed. “Uh, I didn’t plan on that…”

“You’re so beautiful,” Courtney responded, placing a light kiss at the corner of her mouth.

Bianca bit her lip, and the look in her brown eyes seemed adorably vulnerable, almost self-conscious, as she curled back up in Courtney’s arms, for once at a loss for words.

***

“You know, I think we need a discussion about what constitutes an emergency,” Sutan tapped the side of the coffee grinder, pouring the last bit into the porta-filter, “Because you forgetting how to work your espresso machine isn’t one.”

“Oh shut up,” Raja groaned, and Sutan chuckled, clicking everything into place and turning the machine on. Raja was hungover, the wine glasses in the sink and the empty bottles telling their clear story of what his sister and Raven had gotten up to last night.

Raven had left for the gym, which was why Raja wallowed in her misery, but Sutan had to admit that it was kind of adorable, Raja so rarely giving into her brattier side.

“All I’m saying sister dear,” Sutan took the fresh cups of coffee, Raja always taking it black, and followed behind her into the living room, “is that I might hesitate the next time you claim to be in distress.”

“Please,” Raja dumped down on the couch, holding out a hand for her cup. “Like you’re ever going to not be there.”

Sutan sat down, a little ball of warmth happily nestled in his chest as Raja put her legs in his lap. He didn’t say it often, but he loved Raja so much that it hurt sometimes.

“Mmh,” Sutan took a sip of his coffee, the beans perfectly roasted. “Have you heard from Bianca?”

“No.” Raja didn’t elaborate, and Sutan had to hold back an eyeroll. Seemed like he shouldn’t tell Raja that he had been texting with Bianca, asking her to bring back a bottle (or several) of pitorro when he had learned that she was in Puerto Rico, not that he wouldn’t share said bottles with his twin if Bianca brought them back.

Sutan didn’t have any cards in the latest game of drama amongst his friends, his position as neutral as possible since he genuinely didn’t care about the girl Bianca was dating, her name already forgotten once again, but he had to admit that he had hoped the entire thing would have blown over already.

“Where’s Violet? Still asleep?”

“Work.” Violet had kissed him goodbye after breakfast, saying that she’d text him when she left the office, but being alone suited him fine since Sutan had actually planned to work himself before Raja had called, his fingers itching with the need to truly get going on launching Gigi as a model.

He leaned back, watching Raja take one of the wrapped chocolates from the crystal bowl on the couch table, the desire for sweets truly cementing his twin's hangover.

“Actually,” Sutan drummed his fingers on Raja’s shin, the lounge pants she was wearing the softest gray jersey. “Speaking of Violet...”

[Speaking of Violet what?]

Sutan had to fight not to shrink at Raja’s instant switch to Indonesian, the conversation suddenly that much more serious.

[Speaking of Violet...] Sutan bit the inside of his cheek, wondering for a moment if he should continue. [She apparently didn’t know that I have been married.]

[What?] Raja raised an eyebrow, disbelief thick in her voice. [Seriously?]

“Yup.” Sutan popped the P. [I think I figured she had googled me, read my wikipedia or just…] He could honestly not remember the last time he had dated a woman who didn’t already know all about him, who hadn’t dived into the catalogue of his past. [I don’t know if I should feel bad about it, or if-]

[Feel bad?] Raja huffed, taking a sip of her coffee. [Why on earth would you feel bad?]

[It seems like something I should have told her,] Sutan sighed, crossing his arms. [I’m always-] He cut himself off. He had wanted to talk about Violet’s past, about how jarring it felt each time he discovered another layer of the woman he was dating, but it didn’t feel right to tell Raja, didn’t feel like his story to tell. [Do you think we’re too self absorbed?]

[Who? Us?] Raja smiled, a teasing tone in her voice and Sutan nodded. He knew his world began and ended with Raja, that she and their friends had been at the center of his universe for literal decades.

[Yes.] Sutan thought he had loved some of his past girlfriends, had genuinely believed that there was something special there, but as he continued to get to know Violet, as they continued to grow closer, the feelings of his past faded at an alarming rate.

[Well brother dear, I’m not the one who assumed my girlfriend read my wikipedia.]

“Oh fuck off!” Sutan groaned, pushing Raja’s leg, making his twin sister laugh. [Don’t twist my words!]

[Never.] Raja smirked, reaching for the remote to turn on the TV.

***

Violet swiped her card, doing her best to balance as she opened the door to the design floor.

Galactica was completely empty, a single security guard on the ground floor the only other person she had seen. It reminded her of when she was an assistant, so many of her mornings starting before anyone else was even in the building.

Violet didn’t miss being an assistant, at least not really - what she was doing now so much more creatively fulfilling, but there had been a rhythm to being in Fame’s office, a way things were done that was easy to understand and to follow, Fame consistent and even predictable in her own way.

It was simply a matter of delivering perfection, and as someone who used to dedicate her life to ballet, she understood.

Violet maneuvered her way through the door, the new crossbody Yves Saint Laurent Sutan had gifted her for Christmas perfect for when she needed her hands on her crutches, the thin layer of ice outside treacherous terrain.

She had come in to print the pictures she had found of Raja at the MET, to get started on the folder she’d bring for the first meeting that was already plopped into her calendar by Ivy before the holidays.

She had a vague idea of a color palette, and she was pretty sure she had seen some stones in the warehouse that she could maybe use, but she knew she couldn’t move forward with sketches until she had physical samples of fabric.

Violet had expected the design floor to be empty, but the light was on, the sound of a sewing machine greeting her.

She paused, looking around the floor, closing the door behind her. “... Hello?”

“Chachki!” Violet looked over, only to see Bob sitting at Maxwell’s machine, a bright grin on his face. He was wearing a patterned sweater, a gigantic cup of coffee and a half-eaten blueberry muffin next to him. “Hi!”

“Hi?” Violet smiled, the fact that Bob seemed genuinely excited for her to be there filling her with warmth. She walked over, her curiosity too great to ignore. “I didn’t know you sewed.”

“I’m a man of many talents,” Bob smirked, pushing his tortoise shelled glasses onto his head. “I can’t sew like tailoring, or even you guys, but this apparently tore the last time I wore it.“

For the first time, Violet looked at the project Bob was working on. It appeared to be a gigantic almost Barbie-like orange dress, the size of it supporting Bob’s claim that it was his own dress.

“And Maxwell won’t be back from Seattle until tomorrow, so here I am, trying to put it back together.”

“Let me see,” Violet took a seat on the edge of Maxwell’s desk, putting her crutches aside to pick the costume up. The dress was a beautiful deep orange, silver thread woven into the fabric, it ended in a mermaid tail that had layers upon layers of orange feathers, and that was where the problem was, a tear going through two of the layers which had destroyed the integrity of the entire tail. “I can help.”

“You can?” Bob shot a quick look at her cast, and Violet had to fight not to roll her eyes.

“Yes.” She pushed out from the table, Bob getting up from his chair so Violet could take a seat.

Sure, it was bulky and annoying to work a sewing machine with a broken ankle, but it was all about swallowing the pain, which was something Violet excelled at.

“You know...” She grabbed the tray of needles, quickly flipping the tail so she could redo what Bob had done, his work adequate, but she prefered things her way. “I can’t wait for people to stop treating me like an invalid.”

Sutan had gotten better at it, her boyfriend almost believing her now when she said she could do something by herself.

“Sorry,” Bob grinned, the coffee cup in hand as he watched, “but hey, if you’re not an invalid, you should come see my show tomorrow.”

“Your drag show?”

Everyone at Galactica knew Bob did drag, his drag name - creatively enough - simply Bob the Drag Queen. Violet had never seen him in action, but Jovan had shown her pictures, and Blu had entertained her with the story of how Bob had made her snort vodka out of her nose. She had never been to a drag show, but during her time at school, both at the Ballet Academy and at Parsons, several of her fellow students had been big fans, a few of the guys even dabbling in drag themselves.

“Yeah! It’s going to be great!” Bob smiled. “Comedy, dance, the whole shebang.”

He was certainly selling it, and Violet would be lying if she said she wasn’t curious about what Bob was like as a performer. “Can I bring Sutan?”

“Would I ever say no to that?”

“Then yes.” Violet smiled, “Yes, I’d like to go.”

***

“Ah!” Raven moaned, throwing her head back, her legs cramping and catching Raja’s hand between them, water and bubbles splashing over the edge of the tub as she came.

Raja grinned, pressing a kiss against Raven’s temple, her thumb slowing down to lazy circles over Raven’s clit, her other hand still pinching her nipple. “Hey princess.”

“Mmh,” Raven groaned, her eyes still closed, a sated smile blooming on her lips, her nails digging into Raja’s arm a little whine leaving her as Raja pulled her fingers out. “Fuck you’re good.”

“So I’ve been told,” Raja smiled, reaching out with her foot to turn the warm water back on.

It was rare for Raja to have time like this on her hands, to luxuriate in a bubble bath with Raven, to know that she didn’t have to hurry, that they didn’t have to be anywhere or meet anyone, and Raja loved it.

***

VIOLET: Bob has invited us to a drag show tomorrow

SUTAN: Bob who?

VIOLET: Bob from work

SUTAN: Tall?

VIOLET: Yes.

VIOLET: He’s performing. In the show

SUTAN: Cool. Sounds fun

SUTAN: I’m in! ;)

***

“Ughhhhhh…” Bianca whined, flopping heavily onto the bed. “Everything huuuurts.”

“Come on, it can’t be that bad,” Courtney giggled, climbing in after her.

At her beautiful girlfriend’s request, they’d spent a large part of the day going on a guided paddle boarding tour around a nearby lagoon. It was all very nice in theory...looking at sea creatures and enjoying the sunshine and fresh air, not to mention Courtney’s ass in skimpy bikini bottoms. But Bianca was just, simply put, not in the same shape as Courtney, and after trying to keep up with her all day, she felt like she’d been hit by a truck.

“I’m a little past my athletic prime, sunshine,” she said.

“Well, I think you did great,” Courtney said. She pressed a kiss to Bianca’s cheek, wrapping an arm around her waist.

Bianca offered only a grunt in response, making Courtney laugh and hold her tighter. The ruffles from her dress brushed against Bianca’s thighs as she slid her leg in between them, and while Bianca was not about to admit how good it felt to be wrapped up in an embrace, she did feel her muscles softening a little at her touch.

“I’m serious, it was very impressive…” Courtney added, then cooing, “My good girl…”

Bianca cracked open one eye. “Why do I feel like I’m being patronized?”

“Well…” At first, Courtney looked like she was going to deny it, but then she changed her mind, a charming smile spreading across her face. “Do you hate it?”

“Mmm...not completely,” Bianca admitted.

Courtney giggled again, holding her close. “So...do you want a special reward, for being such a good girl?” she asked.

“Yes. Alcohol.”

“We can do that,” Courtney laughed, nuzzling into her. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, how about we make tomorrow a spa day?”

“You got it.” Courtney pressed a kiss to her jaw, her lips lingering, arm tightening around her waist.

When Bianca breathed out a contented sigh, she felt Courtney smile against her skin.

“And also…”

“Yes?” Courtney asked, voice lilting teasingly.

“Use your imagination,” Bianca said, pushing her on her back, hand sliding up under her dress.

***

“Hi! Can you hear me?” Adore waved, grinning at the camera, her voice much louder than it needed to be. She wasn’t that much older than Tati, but she was an absolute Grandma when it came to technology.

“Guuurl omigod I have a headache like you wouldn’t believe. When are you back in town?” Tati asked, settling on her bed, iPad propped against her knees.

“I fly back in 2 days, why?” Adore asked, laughing.

“My cousins got the new PlayStation for Christmas and it’s been non-stop screaming and cursing from the den, which is like...literally the other side of my wall,” Tati moaned. “I was hoping I could crash with you in the city for a couple of days, at least until they go back to school.”

“Baby, you know you’re always welcome!” Adore said.

“Thanks. Tyra’s not coming back until after New Year’s and you know Morgan’s roommates are cunts about overnight guests. And Courtney...well, I’m not trying to set foot in that dungeon anytime soon.”

“Courtney might not be in the dungeon much longer,” Adore laughed, fluttering her lashes.

“Why? What do you mean?”

“Let’s just say that bae has my sister wrapped around her little finger,” Adore said. “I’ve actually never seen Bianca like this. And Courtney...well...she’s fucking gone, you already know that.”

“I do, I do,” Tati laughed. “Her posts have been...extremely extra. But you really think they’re gonna be breaking out the U-Haul so soon? Kind of a cliché, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know for sure. But it wouldn’t surprise me if Courtney was moving on up to a dee-luxe apartment in the sky sometime soon,” declared Adore.

Tati laughed. “Wow, and to think we knew her when…”

“Ha!” Adore snorted, some of whatever she was drinking coming out her nose.

“But what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Any hot girls on the horizon?” Tati asked, raising one eyebrow suggestively.

“I mean, hopefully,” Adore chuckled, “But nobody’s made their presence known in my universe at the moment. Well, except this waitress that I proposed to the other day. But I think that affair is over.”

“Aww, RIP.”

“Yeah…” Adore’s smile faltered slightly and she sighed. “Honestly, it’s been a bit bleak.”

“You’ll find someone,” Tati insisted. “You’re like...the most lovable person on the planet.”

“Awww, thank you baby…” Adore’s grin returned in full force, and Tati grinned back at her.

“COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKER!” screamed one of her cousins.

“Sorry, when did you say you’re back?”

***

It had seemed like a sexy idea, in Dahlia’s head. Showing up at Pearl’s house after her shift, still in costume, with only a winter coat thrown over it. It probably could have been sexy, if Pearl was the one who answered the door.

Instead, as she posed in the doorframe, the door swung open to reveal a bald white guy wearing an Aloha shirt over a purple turtleneck.

Shit.

It somehow hadn’t occurred to Dahlia that Pearl’s roommates would be home up and about at this time of night. She immediately straightened up, hands going reflexively to the belt of her coat, making sure it was securely tied. The last thing she needed was a tit to fall out in front of this man.

“Um...hi,” he said, a slightly puzzled but still friendly smile on his lips. “I assume you’re a friend of Pearl’s?!

“Uh, yeah. Hi.”

“Come on in. I’m Trixie, by the way.” He opened the door to let Dahlia through, then gestured to a pretty blonde on the sofa, who was sitting in front of a TV that was paused in the middle of The Nightmare Before Christmas, her lap filled with some knitting project. “That’s Katya.”

Katya waved cheerfully, calling out, “Hi!” and then, “PEARLIE!”

“WHAT?!”

“COME OUT HERE!”

“Whaaaaaat?” After a few moments, Pearl’s bedroom door opened and she appeared, looking slightly disheveled and extremely hot in that just-woke-up way she had about her.

“Company,” Trixie informed her, and the pout faded from her lips as she spotted Dahlia.

“Oh, hey!”

“Can I take your coat?” Trixie asked kindly.

“No! Uhhh...I mean, no thanks. Sorry. I just…”

“Why don’t we hang out in my room?” Pearl suggested, tossing her hair over her shoulder. Her sleepy bedroom eyes had a mischievous glint, promising an evening of fun.

“Okay,” Dahlia said, breathing a sigh of relief. Before she disappeared behind Pearl, she remembered to say, “Um, nice to meet you. Both.”

Trixie offered a still-slightly-puzzled wave as Pearl yanked her inside and shut the door firmly.

“Jesus. Sorry. I didn’t realize the’d be-”

“Whatcha got under the coat, pumpkin?”

Dahlia pursed her lips, amused at how Pearl had caught on so quickly to her game. “Well I...didn’t exactly change from work.”

“Show me.”

“Say please.” Dahlia smiled, fingering her belt.

“Please,” Pearl said immediately. She settled on the bed, leaning back to enjoy the show she so clearly expected. “Please show me…”

[nevervalentines]

If u did the dare me kind it will make me very happy, i love your writing and i love them sooo

a teeny tiny snippet of a dare me wip, half gallon of milk and all 

Addy sees her again for the first time in six years in the aisle of the grocery store.

Beth is cradling a half-gallon jug of milk under one arm, hip propping open a glass freezer door.

This is a fantasy Addy has toyed with for so long. She has played her thoughts over its potential again and again until it felt nearly like a memory. For the vivid colors of everything she had imagined, the moment it actually happens is ghostly, translucent. She can feel the instant passing even as it unspools out in front of her.  

It’s a twilight zone. Addy’s carefully spun fictions splitting and streaming around the reality.

They don’t meet again on the mats, or in the dim lighting of a party, or rain soaked on her front stoop, but here – at the lip of aisle 7, Beth juggling a plastic jug while she considers endless stacks of Styrofoam egg cartons.

Beth still doesn’t see her. Her lips are moving, like she’s reading the packaging to herself, silently. She looks older. Her cheeks fuller, her hair lighter, the way it gets when she’s spent a whole summer in the sun.

Baggy sweatpants sit low on her hips, her crewneck pullover a dreamy blue. She isn’t wearing makeup and it feels like a novelty to see her here, like this, face bare. Beautiful. Addy can see the creases at the corner of her smile. If she didn’t know better, she would mistake them for laugh lines.

Addy is frozen beside a wire rack of chips. Tinkling muzak pipes through the speakers, filtering down through watery, fluorescent lighting.

Beth deliberates. Decides. Withdraws a dozen eggs in a cardboard carton. As she moves, her sleeve slips up her arm, revealing an expanse of her pale, narrow wrist.

At the sight of it, of her skin, an intimate battleground she used to know better than anything, Addy takes a reflexive step back. The beginning of a retreat. Her leg jars the shelving, just barely, but the hollow metallic echo is enough to draw Beth’s attention.

Beth looks up, eyes fixing on Addy. There is a beat of silence. Addy can tell the exact moment Beth sees her, really sees her. Her face flickers through a sickening slideshow, like a stream of light ghosting from the mouth of a projector.

First, surprise. Her fairytale lips fall into a perfect ‘o.’ Her knuckles whiten around the handle of the milk jug.

Next, hurt. Just a breath of it, enough that if Addy hadn’t spent years studying this landscape, she would miss it.

Then, worst of all, interest. Keen. Familiar.

Beth smiles.

She takes a step forward. The freezer door swings shut.

“Addy Hanlon. Of all the gin joints –” She shifts the weight of the milk to her hip, the eggs tucked under one arm. One hand stretches out. Addy realizes, belatedly, it’s meant for her to take.

“Beth,” Addy says. Then. “What are you doing here?”

Beth withdraws her hand, and her mouth twists. “Same as you, I would assume.” She shrugs. “Late night grocery run. Is that a problem?”

Addy is embarrassed to find herself already stumbling. Six years. A lifetime for a 23-year-old. And in thirty seconds, Beth Cassidy already has her on her back foot.

She feels at once completely and utterly 17. She can’t remember what to do with her hands.

“No, of course not. I was just –” she trails off, searching, “Surprised.”  

“Same small town,” Beth says. She shrugs. “We always used to come here. Only a matter of time, I guess.”

Addy almost loses the train of conversation, too busy trying to re-remember the shape of Beth’s collarbones. A hint of them peaks above the scoop of her collar.

Flatly, she says, “I guess.” Too busy with: the ridge of her knuckles, the arch of her brow, her weight shifting from foot to foot, like the milk is getting heavy.

“It’s been—” Addy starts.

Beth cuts her off. “Yeah.”

The sight of Beth haloed by linoleum and fluorescence smash-cuts Addy back to high school. Beth driving them to the townie grocery store on the edge town, jeep tires spraying gravel in the parking lot, a little stoned. They would raid the aisles for Little Debbie snacks and pork rinds to spit back up later. Would buy Smirnoff Ice at the register with the clerk who never carded if they flashed cleavage and big smiles.

Beth, then, tilting her head at Addy at the mouth of the dairy aisle, smiling her just-for-Addy-smile.

Beth, now, waving a hand in front of her face.  

“Hanlon? Anybody home?”

Addy jars back to present, finds her palms clammy. “Sorry?”

A little amused now, eggs swapped to the other hand. “I just asked if you were back all summer?”

“Just for July,” Addy says. “Trying to keep Faith happy.” She looks around, like she’s seeing the store for the first time. “It’s my first time home in months.”

It feels so pedestrian to talk like this. A casual catch-up conversation, like you would with anyone you fell out of touch with after high school. Something about it feels dirty, almost taboo.

“How about you?”

“Same,” Beth says. She turns now, starts to walk. Without thinking, Addy follows, falling into step a pace behind. “I have a month before my masters program starts up, then it’s back to school.”

Reflexively, Addy reaches out to take the half gallon jug of milk from Beth’s arms, just to relieve her of the weight. Beth’s eyes flash wide, but she says nothing. This close, Addy can smell a hint of her perfume. Like she didn’t wash yesterday’s floral blush from her pulse points, from the side of her neck.

They steer toward the register, already in step.

“Grad school. Wow. Congrats, Beth.”

Addy finds she means it. Beth flashes her a smile, a little shy, cheeks dimpling. “Thanks. I heard you weren’t doing too bad yourself.”

“Who said?” Addy has been careful not to ask after Beth, and only comes back to Sutton Grove when its necessary, too scared to peel back the scab of old wounds.

That sly Beth grin, eyes shifting. “I have my sources.”

Steps echo off the tile floor as they dodge through the aisles. Just past 10 p.m., the grocery is all but empty, humid night air crowding the floor-to-ceiling windows of the storefront, reflections warped and watery in the glass.

They play at small talk, the rhythm of it unreal in the ghost town of empty aisles.

Only the sign above register three is lit, the decal peeling off the plastic, yellow light flickering. A lone employee stands at the till, flicking through his phone, blue light throwing his cheekbones into sharp relief.

Beth rests the eggs on the conveyor belt and Addy crowds in behind her to set the milk next to it. Their hips bump. Beth smells exactly the same. It’s such a mind-fuck that the simple, incidental press of warm hip on warm hip is enough to send her reeling.

Addy is suddenly certain she is going to die in a fucking Save-A-Lot outlet on the edge of town.

White teeth digging into a full bottom lip, Beth looks up at her through her lashes. Addy burrows her hands deep in the pocket of her hoodie, nods toward the register.

“You gonna pay?”

A hum. Beth produces a wrinkled bill from the waistband of her sweatpants. A pale flash of skin, the divot of her navel. “Always in a hurry.”

When she turns to the lone employee, Addy thinks she catches her wink.  

Addy trails her to the parking lot, to an unfamiliar car. Beth pops the trunk, old-fashioned style, key-in-lock, and dumps the lone plastic bag into it.

With their mission completed, silence falls over them. They turn to one another under the pooled light of the lot’s sole floodlight. They shuffle their feet in the gravel. Beth seems so small like this. Her sleeve falls over her fingertips, and she pushes it back absently with one hand.

Addy looks hard at her forearm, stops herself from reaching out to touch.

She has a terrible idea and speaks before she can stop herself.

“So Riri is throwing a party. Kind of a reunion?” Addy’s voice tilts up into a question. They don’t need to mention that this used to be the kind of thing Beth would never need an invite to, let alone need to be told about it. “Nothing crazy, just drinking wine and talking about,” Addy flaps a hand, “the good old days.”

The cliché feels stale on her tongue and she immediately regrets it.

Beth looks at her evenly, silent.

Addy shrugs, fixes her gaze on the edge of the lot, where the shadows around the dumpster are deep, scrubby grass poking through asphalt.

“You could come, if you wanted.” She makes the mistake of looking back into Beth’s cold eyes. “It could be like old times.”

“Wine, huh?” Beth’s voice is pitched, low, grating into the air between them. “That’s a change from trying to shotgun a watermelon Four Loko in the 7/11 parking lot at 1 a.m.”

Addy laughs before she can stop herself, remembering the night. “I think that’s the closest I’ve ever come to dying,” she says. A lie. “I think I saw God that night.” Possibly true. She can remember the world turning topsy-turvy, street lights glinting like stars against a murky, smog filled sky.

“Oh yeah?” Beth is smiling now, too. “What did she look like?”

Addy crinkles her nose. “A little like you actually.”

Beth snakes out a hand – that pale, pale wrist flashing in the dark – and sneaks Addy’s phone out of her pocket. She adds a contact, lightning fast, extends the phone. Addy takes it, heart stuttering, fluttering.

“Text me when. I’ll be there.”

Beth climbs into her car without looking back. Pauses to fix her hair in the rearview mirror before she starts the ignition.

Addy watches Beth peel out of the lot, driving fast, rear lights flaring like the embers of a cigarette on an inhale.

She plunges her hand into her pocket for her keys and hears a rustle. Pulling out a paper, she looks down at her grocery list. She didn’t buy a goddamn thing.

[that-one-fandom-vore-blog]

The whole sky was spinning (I might have been drunk)

Written for @that-gt-and-vore-stuffs from the prompt: “Oh come onnnn! Do you really want me to starve?” Thanks, bud!

Going to a party with Kelly was one thing. Sam knew what to expect from her friend when the world seemed so far away and all that mattered was the thumping of music in the air-- a good amount of drunken laughter, sitting on the roof of her car, singing loudly along to whatever song was playing from inside-- they were things Sam had grown used to. 

But being with Adam at a party like this one wasn’t something she was used to. Not in the slightest. 

Truth be told, she hadn’t wanted to go. It was some thing for one of his friends, a football player, if Sam remembered correctly— which she’d found a little odd. Adam didn’t exactly fit into the jock category— a little too lanky, not to mention, he didn’t care all that much about sports— but he’d wanted to go.

He’d said it would just be a small get together— nothing fancy. He’d also offered to drive, and with a small flash of those puppy-dog eyes... Sam was all but helpless to sigh and agree to go. It had been worth it for his smile alone.

So there they were.

Sam was perched on his shoulder as they came up to the outside of the house. She could already smell what was happening— that party smell, one of sweat and booze, along with something burning. That last one caused concern to rise in her chest, though it was quickly combated by the sight of smoke rising from the backyard.

Bonfire.

The tension drained from her near instantly. Leaning up against Adam’s neck with a sigh, Sam grabbed the fabric of his shirt. “Are you sure it’s okay that I’m—“

“Babe, relax,” he soothed, “we talked on the way here, remember? They won’t mind.” There was a gentle tone in his words that made Sam feel a little more at ease. It wasn’t that he spoke poetry or anything like that— not even close— but his honest way of just saying what he wanted was something that had grown on her. She leaned a little closer to his neck.

“Okay...” She murmured, smiling softly.

“And,” he added, “I’ll have you back by your curfew. Eleven, right?”

Sam winced.

“...ten thirty?” He tried to amend, looking down at his watch. Sam didn’t bother looking with him.

It wasn’t too dark out yet— the sky a deep, navy color above their heads that held her attention. She couldn’t see any stars, not yet, but they’d come out eventually. Hopefully before her curfew. The party wouldn’t run all that long... right? Just long enough that she’d be able to lay on Adam’s chest and stare up at the stars for a few minutes before they headed back would be the ideal timeframe, and if she had to push her curfew a little later... she wouldn’t mind doing it.

“Yeah,” she responded, “what time is it, anyway?”

“Quarter to eight. Got dark fast tonight, huh?”

Sam nodded in response as Adam brought them both forward. She could hear music. Faint. Pulsing through the air and embedding itself in her chest, and with every step he took, it only grew louder in the air. It was a smallish house-- for a giant neighborhood, anyway. One story, for one, which probably explained why Adam didn’t bother knocking, instead, he simply waltzed his way around to the backyard and swung open the gate. 

Sam nuzzled a little closer to his neck, wary. It wasn’t as though she didn’t trust his friends, no, but... giants didn’t exactly have great track records when it came to drinking moderately, and although that was fine, the fact that they were so big compared to herself was... a little unnerving. She was fine with Adam, but a bunch of strangers? Not so much.

Eyes nervously scanning over the shapes of the others sitting around the roaring fire, Sam felt her little heart sink upon realizing that nobody her height was there. Not that she’d expected any other tinies to be there, but... she clung a little tighter to Adam’s shirt. 

“Hey!” 

The greeting that rose up was a little sluggish-- they’d already been drinking-- but it lacked no enthusiasm, and from the look on his face... Sam knew that they’d stay at the fire awhile. 

Getting introduced was awkward. She couldn’t remember any names— not that she’d be faulted for it— and she knew she wouldn’t be remembering any faces, either. Still, she’d smiled politely and nodded along to their words from where she sat on Adam’s shoulder. The only good part of the introductions was the fact that Adam had called her his girlfriend. It had made her cheeks light up pink.

It shouldn’t have— they’d been dating for three months— but... the tender, gentle tone in his voice when he said it was enough to make her heart flutter in her chest. Girlfriend. Like it was some precious thing. She’d caught him trying to sneak a glance, too, which had only made her blush deepen and caused her to bite back a grin. The other giants at the party had noticed and drunkenly teased their approval as Adam pulled up a chair and sat, cracking open a cold one.

It was going to be a long night. The portable speaker blared tirelessly on as the sky above grew darker. Sam had tried to be a part of the conversations for awhile— and they’d even included her, which had been an unexpected change— but once the topic shifted to sports... she’d given up on listening, leaning up against Adam’s neck instead and drinking in his warmth. It was intoxicating in a way. The only downside was the fucking noise.

Every time he brought his can to his lips, she could easily hear— and even feel him swallow enough liquid to fill up a bath for someone her size. There’d be a slight fizz as he gulped, too, growing faint quickly before disappearing entirely. It was a little hard to listen to, if she was being entirely honest. So instead, Sam focused on the lazy baseline filtering from the speaker as Adam began to down yet another can.

Isn’t he my ride home?

The thought made her heart sink a little, though she was quick to brush it off. She could just call Kelly to come get her, and Adam had only driven to pick her up— he could walk home.

She relaxed a little further, focusing on the fire that was slowly winding its way down. The coals were glimmering as one of the giants lightly nudged at it with a poker, causing one of the more burned logs to roll onto its side. The conversation had died down a little. It was nice, the words exchanged a bit nonsensical, sure, but Sam wasn’t paying them much attention. She was more focused on the soft sound of Adam breathing. More focused on the heat radiating from him. More focused on the smell of smoke in the air and the sounds of the small crowd starting to dwindle in number.

It was peaceful. Adam had been right. The gales of somewhat drunken laughter had been something she’d be able to do without, but... all in all, it was panning out to be a good night.

Until Adam hiccuped.

Sam squeaked at the sudden, sharp noise, and when his body jolted, she felt herself slipping forward and off his shoulder. Unable to grab ahold of anything, Sam knew it wasn’t a far fall to his lap, but—

Before she could properly panic about her loss of balance, the familiar surface of his hands were beneath her. It was a clumsy catch. She couldn’t complain— a catch was a catch, after all— and she exhaled a soft laugh. “I— s-sorry, I lost my balance...” Looking up, she couldn’t help but laugh softly at the somewhat confused look on his face, though... it quickly melted to a look of fondness.

“Oh... you’re—“ he broke into a hiccup, and Sam bit her lip hard to hide a laugh when she was lifted closer, “—cute.”

He’s so out of it.

She knew he couldn’t hold his alcohol well in the slightest, but seeing him like this was nothing short of hilarious. Despite the fact that he looked hazy and unfocused, the genuine affection that was showing on his face was downright adorable. Grinning, she tapped on the end of his nose. “You’re not so bad yourself,” she teased back, giving a giggle when his cheeks dusted with pink in the firelight.

Hiccuping, he mumbled something that she couldn’t quite make out, though from the way it caused his blush to turn darker, she knew right away she had to figure it out. She cocked her head innocently. “Say something?”

He sighed. Lifting his head, he opened his mouth to speak. A hiccup interrupted him, causing his hands to jolt slightly. Sam nearly lost her balance— and her struggle to regain it, she almost missed his words.

“I have a girlfriend...” He mumbled, sheepishly, “so I shouldn’t have... shouldn’t have told you...”

Now this was just adorable. Sitting down on his palm, putting her back up against his fingers, Sam tried to keep her composure and nodded. “Ah, that makes sense. You’re definitely the sort of guy who deserves a pretty girl.”

His smile was normally crooked, but now? It was nothing short of completely goofy. “Oh... yeah, she’s... she’s beautiful...” Hands jolting with another hiccup, Adam glance over at the other partygoers with a wistful look that made it clear he was seeing right through them. “She’s... shes real smart, too... head’s all...” He broke off to wave one of his hands dismissively in the air before sipping at his drink, “full. Of facts. Buncha big... numbers.”

Sam covered her mouth and took a deep breath. She was not going to laugh at him. Not yet, at least, lest he realize— this was fun. “She sounds nice.”

“She IS! She’s the nicest... always... full of nice-ness—“ a hiccup jolted from his throat, though he was quick to bounce back. “—an’ she’s real... real good at words... like poetry sometimes, a-a-and she’s always... so nervous... it’s really cute...”

It was Sam’s turn to be bashful. “Oh?”

“Yeah...” he breathed, a warm blast of air from his maw enough to remind her of how close she was to his face. “She’s... she looks a lot like you... ‘cept she doesn’t always... doesn’t always wear glasses like yours... but she has a real pretty... f-face... and pretty thoughts...”

Sam snickered.

Adam’s expression turned a little offended. “She does!” He insisted, drawing himself closer, nearly bumping his nose against her. “All those... pretty thoughts in her pretty head...”

“Adam,” Sam prompted, causing him to trail off and settle his lovestruck eyes on her. She’d had her fun. Laughing, she stood up on tiptoe and leaned close to him. “Can I tell you a secret?”

He leaned closer as well. She could not only feel his breath but smell it, too, more than evidence of the fact that he’d been drinking. “Sure...” He slurred out, holding onto the “S” sound a little too long.

Sam pressed her hands against his cheek. “I am Samantha Brown.”

He blinked. He looked almost like a befuddled little puppy as he cocked his head, brow furrowing confusedly. “...who?”

The laughter that overtook Sam was nothing short of spontaneous. Her whole body shook from the force. She was glad to be laying against Adam’s fingers— otherwise, she would’ve fallen straight off his hand. “Your girlfriend, goof.”

The look of bewilderment that crossed his face only made her laugh harder, closing her eyes until something brushed against her— Adam, nuzzling up to her. “You should’ve told me!” There was a genuine sort of irritation in his voice, the words coming out all together in a moan. “’Cos then I could’ve...”

His lips pressed up against her face, a pleased little noise pulling from his throat. It vibrated through her. Laughing softly, she returned the gentle contact as well as she could, small lips pressing against his own. It was a little clumsy, but... he was pretty sloshed. One of her hands found his jawline, fingers running along his chin. When he pulled away, leaving her laying across his palm, she tilted her head with a small smile. 

“Babe...” She murmured, “how many did you--”

He hiccuped. “Th...ree... I think...”

Lightweight.

Snickering softly, she carefully sat upright and sighed. “So you’re not going to be my ride home, huh?” 

The party had all but died out-- though to be fair, it hadn’t been much of a full party to begin with. It had been mellow from the start, different than the full ragers that she frequented Kelly. Maybe it was because they’d stayed outside the whole time-- maybe it was the calming night air, or the fire, but... it had a different atmosphere. It was sort of nice. 

Most of the other partygoers had either coupled off or left. The music had been switched off some time ago, leaving them with the low hum of conversations happening around the backyard and the sound of the fire burning itself out. Sam barely heard it. She was more focused on the soft sound of Adam breathing, along with her own heart thumping in her chest. 

His eyes were full of genuine adoration, and in a way, it was almost disorienting. True, he looked at her all the time-- but never... quite like this. It was making butterflies flutter lightly in her stomach. 

“Have I told you... I really love you... l-like... a lot...” 

His voice made her chest vibrate, ribs buzzing with the sheer magnitude it held compared to her own. She felt small, sure, but... not unsafe. Not in the slightest. Her face was brilliantly red, now, damn near scarlet. She coughed.

Adam’s lips brushed against her side, not in a kiss, but in a clumsy attempt to nuzzle up to her. “I mean it! I love you, like... a whole lot!” 

Pushing him away, Sam looked up into those gentle blue eyes he had. A warm feeling rose across her body. “I love you, too,” she admitted through a soft giggle. 

His whole face lit up like a Christmas tree. If time were to stop, allowing her only to view the way his grin was crooked and genuine, only to look at his eyes that were crinkled around the corners, Sam wouldn’t mind it. Not at all. 

“Really?” His eyebrows raised, and although he was still grinning, still blushing warmly, Sam could tell from his voice alone that he was seriously asking. It was enough to make her giggle at him again. 

“’Course,” she promised. Would he remember this in the morning? It was hard to tell. Judging by his... everything, Sam was pretty certain that a hard “no” was probably the best answer. When he moved closer again, Sam pressed one of her hands up against the end of his nose. “Hang on a sec, babe,” she murmured, reaching into her pocket to fish out her phone. The plastic bag holding it crinkled. It was something she’d learned to keep over the device— after all, with her history of ending up in... somewhat damp places, Sam had learned from experience. The bag stayed.

A little whine pulled from Adam. Again, he tried to nuzzle against her.

As much as she felt a little bad for making him wait... she needed a ride home, and soon. 

Nearly eleven. Shit.

It looked like she wouldn’t be making her curfew... though... her mother hadn’t texted yet. Maybe she was working late. Maybe she wouldn’t notice that her daughter wasn’t home. It was a long shot, sure, but maybe--

“Sam...” Adam whined out, setting his chin on the end of his hand, nose lightly brushing against her. “What’re you--”

“Lemme ask Kelly for a ride, okay? Then I’m all yours for... however long I can stall for.” 

Thumbing quickly, she opened up Kelly’s contact and shot off a quick request for a ride. She’d be awake, and if not... she’d just stay the night at Adam’s. No big deal-- she’d done it before, and while it wasn’t something her mother had enjoyed, having her daughter spending more time with “that giant”, it hadn’t gone over too poorly, all things considered. 

Sam: hey, can u come pick me up? I’ll be at Adam’s p quick, but he’s sorta out of it.

She hit send just before Adam butted her with his nose again and made a low noise in the back of his throat. A laugh pulled from her, and with a quick peck to his cheek, she shook her head. “Somebody’s clingy, hm?” She teased, lightly. Pulling away with a soft smile, she patted his cheek. “C’mon. Time to go.”  

Adam frowned. “S’it... ten thirty... already?” He asked, jostling Sam when he stood. His legs seemed a little wobbly under him, though he seemed to be trying his best to keep Sam from being in any sort of discomfort. “Shit... I wasn’t payin’... attention...” 

“It’s okay,” Sam reassured him with a pat to his hand, “I... It’s just about eleven, though, so we should... really get going.” Being so far above the ground in the grasp of a drunken giant certainly wasn’t something Sam could say she was comfortable with, but he only lived a few blocks down the street, so... she wasn’t all that concerned. He’d make it, and if he didn’t, her and Kelly could probably get him the help he needed. 

Probably.

Bracing herself heavily on his thumb and smiling softly as he took a step forward, Sam internally readied herself to be his navigator. She didn’t pay much attention to the goodbyes hollered his way, nor did she pay much attention to the direction Adam picked to walk. At least his instinct as to which way he needed to walk was right-- she only had to steer him in the right direction a few times, and he listened well enough when she did.He was fairly easy to coax back toward his house, though to be fair, it wasn’t all that far. 

The only difficulty was the fact that he wouldn’t stop nuzzling up against her, which made it had to navigate. He was making contented noises, too, humming happily and murmuring words that were too slurred together to make out properly. 

“Is this why you don’t drink?” She asked him as he stumbled, holding her up to his face. 

“...I do drink. Hydration.”

Sam stifled a laugh as well as she could manage. “Right, yeah, but... are you always like this at parties?” 

He had to think about that one. His walking slowed for a moment before stopping entirely, allowing him to shake his head without falling too far off balance. “I... don’t know,” he admitted, slowly, before breaking into a giggle that was absolutely a new thing for him. 

Sam loved it. Her own laughter joined his own in the night, and when he began walking again, she clambered her way up his sleeve to sit on his shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind, now focused on putting one foot in front of the other. Sam leaned against his neck. They weren’t too far from his place, and already, she’d mentally resigned herself to the notion of staying the night. After all, her mother already didn’t like him, so... what was the harm in it? It wasn’t like she could hate him any more than she already did. 

That in her mind, Sam stayed mostly quiet as Adam hummed and mumbled his way up to the front of his house, where he spent a good few minutes fumbling with the keys. When he finally got the door open, Sam allowed herself to be lifted in his gentle grip and brought up to his face. He looked proud of himself, and after a moment-- he was kissing her again. Sam didn’t resist. 

She didn’t resist as he stepped inside, and she even didn’t resist as she heard the door swing closed behind them both-- but what threw her for a loop was when she felt something wet and faintly warm on her body, dragging easily across her front. 

“Adam!” She squealed, earning a soft noise of protest when she pulled away, falling against his palm. 

His tongue was still hanging out from between his lips when he looked down at her, visibly confused. Withdrawing it, he cocked his head. “What?”

Bringing a hand up to wipe at her hair, feeling it come away spit-soaked, she gave an incredulous scoff. “You licked me!” It had happened before, sure, but now? He clearly wasn’t in his right mind. 

He furrowed his brow. “Oh.”

The way he said it alone was enough to make Sam have to hold in a laugh. Swatting a glob of drool off her cheek, she tried to find some words, but--

His tongue pressed against her again. Harder this time. It lingered longer, too, coating her entirely in strings of drool before he pulled away, shooting her a needy glance. His eyes were half-lidded, blearily focused on her face. “Sam... c’mon...” He murmured, gently. His breath seemed muggier than normal as it washed over her, ruffling her hair and smelling of cheap beer.  “It’ll be fine...”

Shifting a little on his palm, feeling spit soaking through the thin fabric of her shirt, Sam crossed her arms. “I really don’t want to have to explain to my mom in the morning why I’m covered in spit-- and you were drinking! It’ll be like a bath!”

A little whine tugged up from his throat. “But I didn’t eat anything... and it won’t be that bad...” As if on cue, his stomach gurgled lowly, more than proving its emptiness. He coupled it with a pout, sticking out his lower lip and creasing his brow. 

“Babe,” Sam started in a warning tone of voice, “I like this shirt.”

“It... s’not gonna stain...” 

When he opened his mouth again, she was ready, and managed to step just out of his range, teetering on the ends of his fingers. The look that crossed his face was nothing short of priceless. When he spoke, he sounded more exasperated than anything else. “Oh come onnnn! Do you really want me to starve?”

“You’re not gonna starve,” Sam said through a laugh, “and you’re not going to get anything by whining...” 

Maybe the party had rubbed off on her. Maybe it was the way that he seemed so loosened up that caused her to stand a little taller and grin at him. “At least... not unless you ask nicely.”

His demeanor changed in a snap. No longer moping, Adam stood a little straighter and all but pranced over to the couch, which he was quick to sit himself down on, still balancing Sam gently on his palm. She could practically feel the excitement coming off him in waves, and while if he’d done this a month ago, she’d be terrified, now? It was sort of endearing. 

She crossed her arms. “Well?” She prompted. 

Adam swallowed heavily. “...please?” He tried, voice wobbling a little.

“...please what?” Struggling not to laugh at the way he chewed on his lip, Sam kept one brow quirked as her boyfriend struggled to find his words for a moment. 

“Can...can I please.. can I please eat you?” He asked in a voice so small that Sam would never have guessed it belonged to the gentle giant holding her. It was quiet, and laced with a genuine sort of gentleness that made her feel a little less like she was only a meager three inches tall. 

More than a little aware of the fact that his eyes were trained on her like those of a hawk hunting a mouse, Sam tapped a finger against her chin in mock thought. “Mm... since you did ask so nicely...” Turning her eyes to meet his, the tiny girl sighed and brought her hands down to her sides. “Alright.” 

It happened faster than normal. 

One minute, she’d been standing on his palm, and the next, her surroundings were warm, wet, and oh so alive. A tongue curled around her, drawing her further into the damp heat of his jaws, and although her legs did clip up against his teeth... she didn’t feel any fear. None. Instead, she relaxed, allowing herself to be toyed with a little. 

My mom’s going to kill me.

She smirked a little at the thought. Maybe this was why Kelly was always so adamant that she should try being her own person for a change. After all, she never would’ve tried anything like what she was doing now had she allowed her mother’s own fears to manifest in her head. 

Feeling herself get squished up against the roof of Adam’s mouth,Sam gave a small laugh, one hand patting the surface of his tongue somewhat gently. She knew she was being tasted. She probably tasted like campfire, and judging by the sheer amount of saliva puddling in the dark around her, she could safely guess that he enjoyed it. A hum vibrated her surroundings. 

He sounded genuinely happy. 

Sam stayed completely limp as she felt her surroundings all tilt back, though she did flinch a little at the feeling of her shoes touching the back of his throat, slipping a little into the dark tunnel before--

A small gulp pulled her downward. His tongue rose, arching slightly to angle her toward his throat, and with another loud swallow that echoed wetly around her, Sam felt herself get pulled down and fully into the slick tunnel of his throat. She stayed still, feeling the muscles greedily pushing her tiny form down press and tug at her. She could hear his heartbeat increasing in volume as she slid further and further into his chest, hear the gentle noise of his breathing, coupled with waiting, hungry gurgles from the chamber below her. 

It didn’t take her long to spill into the darkness. 

The first thing Sam was made aware of as her little body hit the dark chamber of Adam’s belly was the liquid that splashed up around her upon her arrival. It wasn’t cold— not shockingly so, anyway, having been warmed up by his body— but it was still a little disorienting to end up mostly submerged in lukewarm beer. She struggled to get a little ways out of the warm liquid, pressing her back flush against one of Adam’s stomach walls.

“You’re lucky I love you,” Sam huffed up at him, raising her voice in order to be heard.

A noise that sounded almost like a full, contented purr rolled up around her, vibrating the walls that encased her. “Thank you...” He murmured in response.

Sam stretched out as the chamber shifted, the walls around her contracting for a moment as Adam stretched, clearly settling down. Everything in his gut sloshed as he laid on his back, and although Sam would normally protest... he was clearly out of it. Instead, she sighed and reached for the wall now sagging above her to lightly run her hands along his stomach lining, palms sinking into the fleshy surface.

The contented little growl that shook her to her core was more than a bit of an indicator that her movement was well received. The tension around her drained even further if that was possible. Smiling in the dark, listening to the noises of his inner workings along with his steady breathing and heartbeat, Sam shook her head fondly.

“Anytime, babe.”

The silence that fell between them wasn’t really a silence at all. It was punctuated by low rumbles and gurgles that rang in the air around Sam, and although his stomach was actively churning, she didn’t find it all that hard to get comfortable. It was warm. Soft. Safe in a way that made her smile just thinking about it. After all— what could harm her in here?

Her feelings of being at ease only grew as Adam gently pressed his hands against her from the outside, tracing circles lightly over the same spots that she pressed at his stomach lining. No words were exchanged, though both could feel the other shivering at the movements.

Sam could feel her heart syncing up with his own, the gentle, pulsing vibrations in the walls lining up with the thumping from her own chest. Her internal massage slowed a tad, eventually transitioning to her lying still on her back, listening to the clear sounds of his contentment.

Until it was interrupted by a buzz from her back pocket.

All at once, it came flooding back. Kelly. It was easy to forget the outside world even existed when she was tucked away in Adam’s stomach, and in truth, she already had forgotten it was there, but as she fished out her phone in the darkness, she was reminded of the fact that the clock did continue to tick steadily forward, no matter where she was.

When the light of her phone illuminated her surroundings, highlighting the pinkish walls around her, Sam had to squint until her eyes adjusted to the lighting. It was hard to read through the plastic bag’s folds, but after a moment, she managed. A string of messages from the past half hour stared back at her.

Kelly: I feel the need to inform you that it’s almost midnight

Kelly: is this about that party thing?

Kelly: did he get fuckin wasted?

Kelly: took what? 2 sips?

Kelly: ur dating a lightweight

Skimming though a couple more like those, Sam’s gaze finally settled on the last message.

——————

Kelly: I’ll rescue u tho u owe me,,, be there in 5

——————

Kelly: u kno what? Fuck u. I’m going to sleep.

[calsgirll]

Paris - Ashton Irwin

Ashton Irwin X Reader

word count: 1711

authors note: this is based around the song Paris by the chainsmokers! I heard the song for this first time in a while and this immediately hit me so here it is!❤️

  We were staying in Paris To get away from your parents

It had been a rough year for you and Ashton, with him on tour and you still living at home with your parents. You felt like he’d had no time for you since he started touring with the guys. Due to your past relationships your brain didn’t settle thinking of all the things he could be doing and you wouldn’t even know. One morning you woke up to the sound of your phone going crazy with text messages from the whole band telling you to open your front door. As you padded downstairs at 3am you tried to keep it quiet knowing your parents where probably asleep, you unlatched the door and peeked out not knowing what it would be and being very wary but you looked down and all you saw was a heart shaped foil balloon with a note and rose attached. You picked it up reading the note which said

‘pack your bags and be ready for 6 am. We’re going somewhere special’- Ash

you smiled rubbing your thumb over the small sticker of the Eiffel tower in the corner of the note.

And I thought, "Wow If I could take this in a shot right now I don't think that we could work this out"

“fuck you ash” you scream at him throwing a mug at the wall in anger “are you serious right now y/n, you really believe a few shitty rumours you saw on twitter?” Ashton asks trying to keep calm while you stand in front of him with puffy eyes and damp cheeks “the paparazzi has photos of you leaving a club with her what am I supposed to think” you say trying to collect yourself “do you trust me at all? Because I’m starting to get the hint that you don’t. you knew what you were getting into when we started dating” he snaps back at you now visibly angry at the fact you’re questioning his fidelity. You grab his hand as he tries to walk out “Ash im sorry, it just gets a lot knowing your out there being an amazing drummer with millions of girls throwing themselves at you” you squeak trying to hold in the tears that are threatening to fall any second, he looks at you with a sympathetic smile and sighs “I know its hard not being together all the time but please stay strong because you know I love you” he pulls you into his large frame.

It felt like that was yesterday, the first real fight you’d both had with each other. It was almost as if it was like a polaroid that was constantly hung up in your head. You where so grateful for him and the fact he stayed with you and allowed you both to get to this point.

Out on the terrace I don't know if it's fair but I thought "How Could I let you fall by yourself While I'm wasted with someone else"

Ashton glanced around at the Paris skyline as you both sat on the balcony. The glimmering Eiffel tower caught his eye, a thought popped into his head as he stifled a giggle you looked at him confused as to what he was so amused about “are you a tower? because Eiffel for you” he says with a smug smirk on his face like he’d came up with the line. You smile at him knowing how much of a idiot he was, you were both glad you had this time together, it felt like you were in a relationship with a ghost as he was almost never home and you were waiting around for someone who was out there with a load of other people probably not even having a second thought about you but he was extremely quick to reassure you that wasn’t the case and if it was as much as it would hurt you both he would break it off knowing that it wouldn’t be fair to you.

If we go down then we go down together They'll say you could do anything They'll say that I was clever

You sipped your latte as you sat on a small metal table in front of a small café. Ashton’s scrolling through his phone while you admire the city around you “what are we gonna do today?” you ask Ash like he’s your personal tour guide since he’s been here before. “whatever you want to do, anything you can think of we’ll do it” he says looking up from his phone and squinting when the harsh sunlight hits his hazel eyes. His eyes where like honey in the sun, he always claimed he hated the colour of his eyes whereas you believed they were the most amazing things you’d ever seen “you know I’m bad at making decisions Irwin” you smirk at him “we could go to the Louvre?” he looks up at you once again, you hum in response as you take another sip of your latte “even though they don’t have the best masterpiece, you” he snickered you kicked his shin under the table “youre so lame you know” you state he nods his head gazing back down at his phone.

You look so proud Standing there with a frown and a cigarette Posting pictures of yourself on the internet

You snapped a shot of Ashton next to the Eiffel tower he looked amazing as always he stays stood in the same spot for a while just staring at you, cigarette between your fingers fumbling with your phone he presumed you were adding filters etc. to the picture you just took he strolled over to you resting his chin on your shoulder watching your phone as you tap away at different things trying to make the picture match the theme of your Instagram. As you add the finishing touches to the photo you switch to Instagram before stamping out your cigarette and post it with a rose emoji as the caption and tagging him in it. He turns his head placing a kiss on your cheek “I love you so much” he states, you turn around facing him putting your hand inside his leather jacket wrapping them tightly around his waist “I love you too Ash, thank you” you say breathing in his citrusy cologne “thank you for what?” he asks with a confused look on his face “just being you and sticking with me through all my crazy meltdowns, there’s no one else id rather be with here than you” you say, you feel him kiss the top of your head as he holds you even tighter.

Out on the terrace We breathe in the air of this small town On our own cuttin' class for the thrill of it

Getting drunk on the past we were livin' in

You and Ashton found yourselves back out on the balcony in only your robes in a comfortable silence, tipsy and tired. Your mind began to wonder to where it all started.

“no you didn’t even get close to the bullseye, take a shot” you laugh as you watch him swallow down another shot after missing a dart yet again “I’m starting to think you’re cheating” he mutters “how can you even cheat in darts? You’re just a sore loser who’s to drunk to know I’m the best darts player ever” you giggle slightly slurring your words. It was nearly 2 am and all your friends had left after a drunken night of embarrassing ourselves which left you in a bar on your own with the one and only Ashton Irwin who you recognised from that one underwear song a few years back. He was quick to correct you that it was called she looks so perfect and was also quick to tell you he had changed a lot since then. You both started talking also noticing how his friends also left one bye one “and then there where two” he giggles “I guess so what are the plans then” you ask him sipping the tiny straws that are floating in your mojito glass “back to my hotel to watch some shitty lifetime movie?” he ask studying your face to see your reaction by the way it lit up he knew that you were in “watching shitty lifetime movies is actually my favourite past time” you say grabbing your bag and drinking the last of your cocktail.

You thought it was strange how that one night you spent with him ended up becoming such an amazing relationship. Youre glad it happened so naturally because online dating wasn’t your thing it felt kinda forced. The story was definitely one to tell the grandchildren you though smiling looking down at the empty beer bottle in your hand.

We'll get away with everything Let's show them we are better

It was your last night in Paris and you and Ashton decided to go on a walk around the beautiful city, it was almost 9pm and the sky was sparkling almost as much as the Eiffel tower in front of you “shall we go up?” Ashton asks quietly “Ash you know I’m afraid of heights” you whined wondering why your boyfriend would ask such a dumb question after knowing you for so long “come on please it’ll be worth it I promise” he pleads and after around 10 minutes of bargaining you find yourself half way up the tower waiting to get to the top. Your tight grip on Ashtons hand not releasing in fear you may just drop and fall without his strong arm holding you. You make it to the top and see the twinkling city which makes you forget how high up you are because of its beauty. You speed walk to railing wanting to get a closer look not noticing Ashton wasn’t by your side anymore “Ash have you seen how beautiful this is?” you ask expecting him to come to your side but he didn’t “ashton?” you say turning around to find him down on one knee with the biggest smile on his face ever. Your hands instantly fly to cover your mouth which was agape in shock. “y/n will you marry me?”

[koreanboyswriting]

In Translation Pt. 7

Genre: Smut, Fluff, and ANGST

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Words: 6.2k words

❌Warnings: graphic depictions of sex❌

You’re in LA with the boys finally for the AMAs, will you both have your dream vacation or have to separate forever??

You woke up the next morning to an empty bed. Last night you had fallen asleep after Jungkook had gone down on you wrenching every single climax out of your body, you giggled and kissed until you fell asleep, your wrap dress discarded on the floor. Jungkook must have gotten up early this morning and gone back to his bed. And while you understood it, you were still sad that he had left. Before you had time to fully wake up a woman walked into your room, a makeup carrier box in her hand. You blinked rapidly, trying to figure out what was going on as she came over to the side of your bed and pulled you up by the hand.

“What’s going on?” You asked sleepily, stretching out your arms above your head.

“We have interviews to go to today as well as the Jimmy Kimmel live stage. I’ve been sent to help you get ready and do your makeup, we don’t have much time, but we do have a long day so please let’s get moving.” She pulled you up and pushed you into the shower. While she was gruff, she was also nice and took care of you as you went through your routine. She was gentle but firm and you didn’t realize how much you needed her there until she was helping you blow dry your hair while you mentally sorted through everything in your suitcase.

When she was finished, she bowed her head and left the room, before she was all the way out you called out to her, “Wait!”

She turned around her long black hair swinging around her like a curtain, “Yes ma’am?”

You felt sheepish, like a kid who needed their hand held, “Can you help me decide what to wear?” You asked as you turned in on yourself.

She smiled and walked over to your closet and opened it. While you were in the bathroom, someone must have come in and unpacked your suitcase into the closet. It was weird but still appreciated. She spent some time looking at all the clothes, taking a five second glance at each one. Finally, she pulled down a black silk shirt, some dark wash jeans, and a pair of black kitten heels. “Here,” she said thrusting the clothes into your hands, “Simple but classy, you’ll likely be caught a few times in the background, you need to look nice but unassuming.”

You dipped your head in thanks, “You’re amazing, thank you.” She smiled again, looked you up and down and then left, clicking the door quietly behind her.

The next two days went by in a blur. You didn’t understand how the boys kept moving, you were surviving off Redbull and enthusiasm, and they just kept going nonstop. They were never tired of seeing their fans, they never said no to an interview or a picture and somehow, they didn’t get a single stress pimple. The first day wasn’t too bad, the interviews were fine as you spent most of them in a chair right behind the camera, never needing to step in much except to help the other boys. Namjoon was speaking English effortlessly. Jungkook held your hand in the car on the way to events and sent you little winks during the interviews when he thought no one was looking, making you flustered and red. The boys were on a high when they got to the Jimmy Kimmel lot, there were girls circling the entire block and next five, the line seemed to never end and their screams echoed in your ears inside the car as your convoy of black vans made their way up to the main building.

You had changed out of your heels and put on some tennis shoes and a leather jacket as the air turned cool with the setting sun. The boys performed a couple songs and came off the stage sweaty but exhilarated. You were standing by the car as they sat on the curb on the side of the stage for a moment catching their breath. A girl screamed out J-Hope and he turned and smiled at her sending her a finger heart and then they slipped into the van, all giving you their version of a greeting. Jungkook was last and helped you up into the car with a hand on your waist before entering himself. Long after the car had pulled away and you could no longer hear the screams of girls and boys in your ears, the sound of a cameras shuttering still rang there.

The second day was just like the first, your makeup lady was there and helped you pick out an outfit, again. She laughed a little this time at your embarrassment but picked one out anyway, but you opted for your white adidas this time from the start because you already knew today was going to be hectic.

The first stop of the day was a radio show. The interviewers were nice but odd. They asked the boys shallow questions and severely underestimated their knowledge of English. They looked to you often once they recognized you as a translator, but the boys already understood they were just unconfident in their speaking ability, so you would mouth the words sometimes or encourage them as they spoke by nodding. Namjoon was already fantastic and helped them as well. You had forgotten how entitled Americans were, the radio show had made no effort to have anyone there who spoke Korean, nor did they try they just expected BTS to do all the work and that was definitely telling. Sometimes the interviewer would pointedly ask you a question as if the boys couldn’t understand him at all, but you just smiled at Namjoon and he answered the question easily. The interviewer turned to face him, his face aflame. Thankfully they weren’t all that bad.

The next interview was scheduled for thirty minutes after the first, giving you guys just enough space for travel time. You were all loading into the van again in the alley behind the radio station, the front flooded with fans trying to catch a glimpse.

You were walking behind all the guys as they filed into the van when you tripped, Jungkook turned around and caught your arms so you didn’t slam your face into the concrete. The boys all looked at you really concerned until you started laughing.

“Oh my god, I’m such a klutz I’m sorry!” You said between laughs. Jungkook just smiled and shook his head helping you up. He winked at you, his hands lingering on your waist, when you heard the sounds of a camera shuttering again. You looked around but all you saw were the corners of buildings and trash leaning against full dumpsters. You shook your head and took Jungkook’s hand to help you into the car.

After the next interview, the boys took a couple pictures posed on the California streets, looking like models in matching Calvin Klein outfits. The night was spent at the James Corden set, with you laughing at the boys as you watched them play Flinch with Corden. Taehyung was of course competitive as always, but you were surprised that Jungkook didn’t match him. He just giggled and went with the flow, sending you smiles as you waited backstage.

The boys and you were having a late dinner with the management team after the show. You were shoveling rice into your mouth, unpreoccupied with anything going on except your empty stomach.

“Y/n?” You turned at the sound of your name, your mouth full of food. Jin snorted at your face of confusion and you blushed swallowing thickly.

“Sorry, what was that?” You scratched the back of your neck and Jungkook patted your thigh reassuringly, your cheeks lit up again, but you didn’t look at him.

“Well, since you have been such a huge help, we thought it would be nice if you joined the boys at the award show tomorrow evening.” Manager Sejin said with a smile after he finished.

“Wait, are you serious?” You said loudly.

Manager Sejin laughed, “Yes I’m serious.”

“Oh my god!” You swallowed again, “I would love to go!”

They all laughed at your surprised face as you sputtered trying to find words. When you all got back to the hotel Manager Sejin disappeared into his hotel room barking orders to his assistant, his phone pressed to his ear. The work never ended for him. Once on your floor the boys all disappeared into their rooms, their faces exhausted. You turned to go to your room but Jungkook grabbed you by your chin and kissed you. Jungkook then pushed you into your room with his palm lightly on your chest until you got to the edge of your bed, your feet bumping against the wood bedframe.

Your body immediately warmed in wanting, you were never going to get tired of him. “Aren’t you tired baby?” You whispered, your hands caressing his face.

“Not when you look like that love,” He smiled lazily at you, his beautiful brown eyes piercing right into yours as he captured your lips with his.

There was something different about tonight though. It wasn’t like it always was; the tearing of clothes, and aggressive needing to be closer and fuck each other to oblivion. Tonight, it was slow and easy. Jungkook kissed every inch of your skin, going down on you till you bit your lip to keep from screaming his name. Then he made love to you agonizingly slowly until he was breathing hard into your ear and whispering your name like a prayer. When you were both spent you collapsed onto his chest, a thin sheen of sweat covering his skin, and you covered it with lazy kisses until Jungkook flipped you over and took you again until your body was shaking.

You both just laid there for a while, talking until your words became incomprehensible and you fell asleep on Jungkook’s perfect chest. He waited until your breathing was slow and even before he whispered three words into your hair and kissed the spot lightly. He fell asleep shortly after thinking he wanted nothing more than this.

You woke the next morning in a daze, you turned to your side expecting an empty bed but there was Jungkook looking like a Greek god. There was a tiny bit of light filtering between the blinds and casting little shapes on his face, his mussed-up hair looking adorable. You leaned over and pressed a feather light kiss on his forehead. He turned over and barely opened his eyes but smiled anyway.

“Why are you so far away,” He said, reaching out for you, his hands opening and closing like he was a baby. You laughed and straddled him kissing every feature on his face, until you went down his neck and licked a tender spot and nipped it lightly with your teeth. His breath hitched and he flipped you over, pushing his dick into your heat. You stopped breathing, trying to control the need ballooning in your chest.

“You have so much control over me,” Jungkook growled into your ear.

“Same here,” You breathed as Jungkook’s eyes were mere inches from your own. “Now go put some pants on before I decide I don’t wanna have any control.”

Jungkook laughed throatily and grabbed a pair of his sweats from the other night off the floor and slipped them on. You watched him from the bed the sheet held around your body admiring every plane of his body.

Jungkook turned around and smirked, “Enjoying the show?”

“Immensely,” you said. He laughed, and you could hear the signs of the other boys getting up and banging around the suite. You made a face and jerked your head towards the door and Jungkook pecked the top of your head before slipping out the door.

You spent a couple minutes brushing out your messy hair and throwing on some clothes before you joined the boys for breakfast. You all sat around the table and the boys talked about how excited they were for the night, when you remembered that you were not at all equipped for an award show.

“Crap, I need to go shopping, I have nothing to wear!” You laughed, thinking about where you could go around the hotel that you could actually afford.

“I want to come!” Taehyung said.

You shrugged your shoulders, “Okay, but we’re going to the stores I want to go to first!” Taehyung laughed and nodded his head.

“Wait, I want to shop too!” Jimin pouted in Korean.

“Okay, but no more. I don’t know if you guys haven’t noticed but you all together draw a crowd.” They all laughed in agreement.

“Wait, but I want to go too,” Jungkook said looking at you with lusty eyes and you almost just said yes because of that when Namjoon interrupted.

“Jungkook, you can’t, you said you would work with me and Yoongi on that song.”

“Oh, crap, sorry I forgot about that but yeah okay.” He responded.

“It probably won’t be that fun anyway, don’t worry about it. You’ll all see the dress tonight anyway.” You said to reassure Jungkook.

You had lied. It was a lot of fun hanging out with Jimin and Taehyung. They had endless energy and pushed you to try on things you would have never even thought of. Taehyung’s style was funky and artsy and he kept finding all the dresses that were short and abstract and all had cool collars of a sort. Jimin was the complete opposite, his style was more classic and edgy. He kept pulling out silk strappy gowns in all black, almost always with a small train. You liked them but you did not really feel like yourself in all of the dresses. They were all wearing you, not you wearing them.

“Guys, I just don’t think I’ll be able to find a dress.” You said coming out of the dressing room, wearing the silk robe the store had hanging on to the wall. You pulled back the thick curtain and Jimin and Taehyung were holding up the most beautiful dress you had ever seen. It was floor length and red with a halter neckline and a thigh high slit in the thick rich fabric. You grabbed it excitedly and slipped it on in the dressing room. It hugged you in all the right places and felt like it belonged on your body. You beamed at yourself in the mirror and pulled open the curtain to show Tae and Jimin. Their jaws dropped and Jimin started slow clapping, you laughed and turned around to look in the mirror again and admired yourself before you looked at the dangling tag. You pulled it around and frowned at the zeros that continued on the designer tag. You looked at the boys with a disappointed look on your face and were about to open your mouth to tell them you couldn’t afford it when Tae held up his hand.

“Don’t even continue to say what you were going to. It’s on us.” He said, looking smug while Jimin beamed.

“No way. It’s too much, I couldn’t ask you to do that.” You said, shaking your head.

“Well, you’re not asking, we’re offering.” Jimin said plainly.

“Guys…”

“Nope, it’s decided.” Tae said.

“But—”

“Excuse me,” Tae said in his low voice to the store lady who was trying not to stare at us the whole time while we argued in Korean.

“Yes?” She responded quietly, shocked at being addressed.

“We would like to buy this dress,” said Tae slowly.

She nodded and walked quickly over the register and began pulling out a large box and tissue paper with another associate. You just rolled your eyes and walked back into the room to take off the dress. When you came out the workers grabbed the dress from you politely and began packing it up as Jimin browsed the racks as if he was seriously considering buying one for himself.

You cleared your throat lightly and he jumped, you stifled your laughter and looked resolutely at the register as he hurried over. The associates packed up the dress and Tae handed over a thick silver card that just looked rich. After the lady swiped his card and watched him sign the receipt, she handed him, recognition lit up her eyes.

“Wait aren’t you in that Korean boy band BTS?” She said softly, in her crisp voice.

“Yes,” said Tae in his low voice while he blushed, and Jimin just smiled proudly.

“Well good luck on your performance tonight! We’ll definitely be watching!” She said in a normal voice now sure of herself.

They thanked her and walked out onto the street with you, Tae holding the large bag over his shoulder.

“I don’t think I’ll get tired of that,” said Tae quietly.

You just smiled at him. Their constant modesty would always astound you. All of you got into the in SUV that waited just at the end of the block and Tae put on his old jazz playlist. Jimin closed his eyes and smiled and moved his head ever so slightly to the coalescing instruments. You watched them and smiled to yourself. It was crazy how much all of them had come to mean to you in such a short time. They felt like an extension of your family, each a crucial part of your life. And their character never wavered, whether it was behind closed doors or in front of millions and it was shocking.

Once you got back to the hotel, Deok-su guided all of you up to the suite. You thanked the boys for a hundredth time and they just waved you off and went to shower going through the throngs of people without a second glance. The main living room and kitchen of the suite were bustling with their style and makeup team. Their stylists were steaming their suits and arranging all the pieces on individual racks with each of the members names on them. All of the racks had different variations of cool black outfits as well as their stage outfits with sparkles and bright patterns. You slithered between the people and into your room and sighed heavily as you dropped the large bag onto your bed. You sank onto the mattress right when your makeup lady came out of the bathroom and smiled at you from above. You jumped up and hugged her.

“I’m so glad you’re here! I was just starting to get worried about how I would do my makeup.” You hugged her for a little longer than necessary and she chuckled and guided you into the bathroom. The vanity was already set up with all her makeup tools spread out, much more than she usually had too. All of it was arranged so neatly it looked like a makeup counter. The lipsticks arranged in colors, the brushes snuggled neatly in the compartments on the black rollout bag, and a large box that was open displaying different eyeshadow palettes, blushes, bronzers, and highlighters.

“So, what are you going for tonight?” She asked you in her melodic voice.

“I’m thinking maybe old Hollywood glam. Finger curls and a red lip?” You said unsure if that was the right direction to go in, but she just smiled and nodded as if she had been thinking the exact same thing.

Your makeup lady was so careful and neat she reminded you of a monk, always calm and serene, albeit she was much younger. She listened as you talked absentmindedly and asked short questions here and there with genuine interest, which was unusual for you to hear. You talked about how excited you were to see your brother tonight since Manager Sejin had sent him and your mom and your dad tickets to the show. All they needed to do was make the short drive from Pasadena to Los Angeles and then they would finally be less than 1000 miles from you. After your makeup lady was finished curling your hair with the large curling iron, she raked her fingers through the curls and massaged in serum until they were large and flouncy. She then took careful measure to smoke out the eyeshadow along your eyelid and then paint a sharp black wing of eyeliner over it. She bronzed your face and made your skin look flawless before she painted your lips red and announced you were done. You rushed away from the mirror not wanting to look at yourself until you were all made up.

You walked over to your closet and closed the door to change into the nicest pair of panties and matching bra that you had brought and walked out. You unwrapped the dress with careful reverence and admired it as you slipped it over your legs the buttery smooth fabric the nicest thing that had ever touched your skin. You slipped the straps over your shoulders and grabbed the heels before walking into the bathroom again. Your makeup lady stopped packing up her things and helped you zip it up as you slung your shoes over your feet. When you faced yourself in the mirror you were unsure of who was looking back at you.

You had always had some semblance of self-confidence, but you never thought you had looked amazing until now. The makeup was highlighting every plane of your face in the exact way it needed to and your hair was shiny and soft on your shoulders which looked feminine and delicate in the red dress. You couldn’t even think of your insecurities when everything you were wearing was there highlighting your beauty. You looked at your makeup lady and hugged her tightly trying to keep the tears from your eyes as she hugged you back. After pulling yourself together you grabbed your phone and slipped it into the little clutch you brought and walked out of the room, sure you had taken the longest.

When you walked into the main suite the stylist and makeup teams were still bustling around, some of them touching up the boys makeup as they munched on snacks and others packing things up and running them out to the car like their life depended on it. You looked around for Jungkook eager to show him your new dress when he came up behind you, his lips on your ear.

“You look absolutely stunning,” he whispered, “I’m tempted to not let you leave this hotel room, but a woman this gorgeous deserves to be seen.” You flushed, the heat from your face radiating throughout your whole body. You didn’t even have words to say you just turned over your left shoulder and looked at Jungkook. His face was inches from yours and his eyes were locked on yours and the look that passed between you was all that needed to be said. Once you realized you were in a room fool of people you snapped out of it and stared at your toes. In your strappy shoes. Until Jimin came over and grabbed your hands and twirled you around.

“Wow!!” He said as you laughed, and he continued to twirl you until Tae caught you. He grabbed your hands and held you at arms-length and admired you.

“Gorgeous.” He said simply.

“Really?” You asked and tucked your hair behind your ear.

“Really.” Namjoon confirmed before Tae could.

“I mean not as beautiful as me, but she’ll do.” Jin joked, causing them all to laugh.

Deok-su then appeared at the open door with Sejin who nodded at Namjoon, sending the boys into motion. They all filed out of the room and Jungkook grabbed your hand and guided you out of the room. You and Jungkook arranged yourself into the back of the elevator and Jungkook drew hearts in the palm of your hand as you descended down to the lower level to go out the private exit. Instead of the usual black SUV a long limo waited for the band in the quiet alley, the boys cheered and laughed and Yoongi made his way on first leading the rest of the boys who followed in excitement. Deok-su and Sejin took up the SUV that waited behind the limo leaving the boys to party with you and Dae who winked at you from the driver’s seat. Jungkook danced around in the car with the boys and you laughed watching how excited they were for the night. When Jungkook finally plopped down next to you he grabbed your hand and placed light kisses on it while you grinned. When he looked up and caught your eye, he pressed a light kiss on your lips and the boys all pretended not to notice. Dae pulled the car up to the celebrity entrance of the Microsoft Theater, which was loud yet still at the same time. You could hear the distant screams somewhere, but the heavily guarded street was quiet as all of you exited the limo and thanked Dae, joining Sejin and Deok-su.

A team of security led the way through a back building to the large white tent that held the red carpet. Sejin talked curtly to the boys the whole time as you passed through until you were outside facing the throngs of screaming fans, most of them holding signs for BTS or their faces on large cut outs. The entrance to the tent was lined by barricades and the procession inside was slow. A man came up to your party and checked BTS off on a clipboard and beckoned his assistant who took down yours and Sejin’s names and gave each of you a lanyard with a pass dangling on it. The security team left you there and Deok-su joined them, their tall figures marching away. Inside the tent you could see blinding flashes of light that never stopped and shouts from fans and photographers all begging for the attention of the celebrities who strutted along the carpet. Your stomach kept churning and you kept looking over the boy’s heads at the impending crowd. Sejin looked down at you and clasped your shoulder giving you a reassuring gaze and you tried to calm yourself down.

When it was their turn the boys walked onto the carpet to screams and shouts from everywhere all at once as you and Sejin followed at a safe distance to be kept out of the pictures. They slid into their easy formation: Tae on the left end, followed by Yoongi, Jin, Jungkook, Namjoon, Jimin, and Hoseok finally at the right end. You beamed seeing all of their bright faces excited by the attention and respect. They moved along to each stall of photographers and you and Sejin stayed together at the edge of each one as they smiled and posed. When you were all ushered off by the helpers Sejin whispered to you that both you needed to leave and take your seats, you nodded and started to walk away as Jungkook turned around quickly and you winked at him as Sejin ushered you out as they walked the interview part of the red carpet. Once you got inside the half-filled venue, an attendant took you to the upper level and you saw your family sitting front row on the balcony and ran over to them knowing immediately where your seats were. You rushed into your brothers arms and tried not to cry as he hugged you tightly both of your parents on either side rubbing your shoulders.

“Enjoy yourself, y/n.” Sejin said as he smiled and turned to walk away.

“Wait, where are you going to sit?” You asked concerned.

“Back at the hotel conference room, the work never stops. I will see in the morning.” And then Sejin left with the attendant.

After Cameron was satisfied that your hug was long enough, he relinquished you to your parents and they peppered your head with kisses until you all sat down to catch up. You told them all about how much fun you were having with BTS and how connected you felt to your Korean heritage living in Korea and of course how tasty the food was all the time. They told you about what you had missed back home in Pasadena, which was mostly just Cameron gossiping and talking crap about your old high school classmates, but you just laughed along and your parents were so excited to be at the AMAs they didn’t even scold Cameron for cussing.

After about thirty minutes of you catching up, you didn’t realize that the theater had filled up and almost every seat was filled except for seven all together in the front. That’s when they came strolling in amidst thunderous screams from the crowd all around you, most from Cameron. You laughed and cheered along as they smiled and waved on their way down to their seats led by the same attendant who helped you. Once they sat down and the stage lights came on the cheers finally died down and you caught Jungkook’s eye as he was looking around and he waved in your general direction causing ARMY to surge in a burst of excitement, the wave just as much for you as it was for them.

The entire night was spectacular. You and Cameron stood up and danced to all of your favorite songs and you held your mom’s hand throughout the event just because you wanted to be as close to her as possible. Your dad had his hand on the back of your seat and having the weight there and his presence was all you really needed. You all stood and went crazy when BTS performed DNA and so did the crowd. And after that you slipped out of your seats and down to the main floor. You told your parents goodbye and promised you would see them soon and held on to Cameron for just a little longer before you hurried backstage. You walked through security effortlessly with your badge and even got to walk by Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendes without fainting. When you found BTS they were in their changing rooms calming down after their performance. Their makeup team was blow drying their hair and dabbing their foreheads when you walked in.

“Hey!” Jungkook shouted and beamed at you when you walked in the door.

“Hi,” you said shyly, feeling small in the mess of people. You stayed by the door leaning against the wall as several celebrities came by and introduced themselves. You translated some of the longer sentences they said to be useful and so Namjoon didn’t have to shout over the noise just after performing. When the makeup team was finished primping them, they all got up and made their way to say their goodbyes. You followed them on their way out Jungkook at your side this time. He kept brushing your hand as you walked or setting his hand on the small of your back to guide you through a certain area and you fought to keep your emotions from showing on your face. It was fun, almost, knowing that you had this little secret between the two of you that no one but the boys and a some select team members knew. You both kept sneaking glimpses at each other and smiling when no one was looking, and after the group of you finished saying goodbye to everyone on the way out you slipped into the familiar black SUV that waited on the curb.

When you got back to the hotel the boys did a quick Vlive with the champagne and snacks that were set up for them in the cleaned main living area. Jungkook didn’t down his drink on camera but ran behind you to gulp it down after they finished. You thanked the guys for the amazing night and retired to your room. The sudden quiet of your room was a startling change from the entire night. Your back was facing the door and Jungkook took the opportunity to come up behind you and caress your neck and back. You sighed as he kissed the back of your neck, pressing light kisses down and in between your shoulder blades as he slid the zipper down your back.

“I’ve been dreaming about taking this off all night,” he whispered.

The smooth fabric straps slid down your shoulders and Jungkook closed the gap between you and slid his hands under your bra to unclasp it and caress your breasts, rolling the nipples between his fingers until they hardened and you felt the rest of your body perk up with the arousal. He closed the space between you, and you could feel him through his pants in your ass and all you wanted was all of him. You sighed and turned your head over your left shoulder and met Jungkook’s lips with your own. He kissed you fiercely and you spun around to face him fully and he pulled down the rest of your dress and picked you up, and you locked your legs around his waist. He nipped at your bottom lip and explored the inside of your mouth with his tongue before he slammed you onto the bed and ground his hips into yours. You pulled at his shirt, untucking it from his pants and pulling it over it his head and ran your hands over the perfect planes of his chest before leaning up and licking his right nipple. He groaned and ground his hips into you harder as he left painful hickies on your lower neck.

“Jungkook please, I need you now.” You breathed, pulling at the belt on his pants.

Jungkook didn’t even find a witty response he just pulled a condom out of his pocket before unbuckling his belt and pulling down his pants quickly and rolling on the rubber. He picked you up and scooted you up the bed and teased your clit with his two pointer fingers, sending chills throughout your body. He rubbed the spot agonizingly slowly and just when you were about to beg for more, he pressed his tongue into your hole, licking up and down your lips before flicking your clit with his tongue over and over until you were about to cum. You whimpered and Jungkook used his fingers to flick your clit while he sucked on your heat, the added pressure sending your body spiraling, and right before you could call out his name he removed his fingers and tongue and slid into you effortlessly, the fullness sending you farther over the edge. And he rode out your high as he fucked you slowly and passionately until he collapsed on top of you whispering beautiful words until you fell asleep in each other’s arms.

When you woke in the morning something felt off, the bed beside you was empty and the hotel room was loud. You found some pajamas from your closet and slipped them on, finger combed your hair quickly, and put the thick cotton robe over your pajamas for good measure. You grabbed your phone off the side table and inhaled deeply before you walked out. You expected the boys to be bustling around for some event you had forgotten about but the scene you walked in on was much different. The boys all sat around Namjoon’s open laptop on the dining table arguing loudly over what was there.

“Guys, what’s going on?” You said quietly.

They all fell silent, Jungkook sat there opening and closing his mouth but no words were coming out. You walked around the table and lightly pushed your way forward through Yoongi and Hoseok to see the computer screen. Several tabs were open on the browser with similar titles. The one they had open was on TeenVogue and the black letters at the top seemed to scream in your face off the screen, “Jungkook of BTS has a secret beau!” You moved Namjoon’s hand from the mouse and scrolled through the article, there were blurry pictures of Jungkook when he caught you in the alley before you got into the car. You clicked on the next tap which was from Koreaboo.com, the title read: “Jungkook’s Secret Girlfriend” and HD photographs of you and Jungkook holding hands into the restaurant you went to together followed. Your heart started racing as you clicked on the next tab and an article from Soompi came up with pictures of you and Jungkook talking on the red carpet the night before followed by photos that they had zoomed in on and cropped that you had been in the back of. Every article had more pictures from moments when you had thought you both been alone, the most incriminating one featured you and Jungkook in an alley behind one of the radio studios with his hand on your back and your faces inches from each other.

You looked up in horror at Jungkook and his eyes were full of pain before he buried his face in his hands. You were about to walk around the table to him when manager Sejin burst in the door his face aflame.

“Y/n, you need to leave now! You’re fired.”

[draconida]

Shance Fic Recs (Part three)

More Shance! With Kuro and Sven too. 

82- Mysteries Become Reality by FullmetalDude1 [M/M/M/M, Sven and Kuro]

The world is full of mythical creatures that are slowly but surely being integrated and accepted into society, but a couple of hate crimes and BS still happens.

Lance is a human in this world, doing his best to help Mythics out even if he's got a bad history.

Then he meets 4 super hot Mythics in collage and he is gone, but he'll never admit that.

At least, not until he's been held for ransom by a gang of haters.

83- i don't have too much but i know enough by quiddative

Lance shot a panicked look at Keith but the asshole just laid there uselessly. “Don’t look at me like that,” he snorted. “They’re your kids, after all.”

What?

“What?” Lance and Allura yelled.

Allura turned to Kolivan with narrowed eyes. “Explain,” she demanded.

Kolivan looked very much like he wanted a drink. “The two of them appear to be the Red and Black Paladins’ children from the future.”

(Or: Lance and Shiro's children appear from the future and emotions ensue.)

85- Remember Me by boredomsMuse

Back before Kerberos, Lance and Shiro had been close. Boyfriends, type close. Boyfriends who'd meet each other's parents, all of them, type close.

Except, none of the Paladins know that. Not even Shiro.

86- Starlight Starshine by stirlingphoenix

'He’s beautiful', was the only thought Shiro’s mind could process as he watched Lance in person for the very first time. Those two little words repeated themselves on a loop over and over, making sure he’d never forget this moment. He’d always thought Lance to be exceedingly attractive, but seeing him in real life, as opposed to the TV screen or a movie poster nearly blew his mind.

Shiro had every intention of getting out of there before he ended up doing something embarrassing. Nevermind the fact that Lance wouldn’t know who he was, he still wasn’t too keen on potentially making a fool of himself. But just before he could make a beeline for the exit, the sound of his proper last name echoed throughout the air, forcing him to stop dead in his tracks.

“Excuse me, Mr. Shirogane?” The nervousness that plagued his caller’s voice hit Shiro’s ears wrong, yet it was still oddly familiar to him, as if he’d heard that same tone over a hundred times before.

As it turned out, he had, just never like this. Turning around, he came face-to-face with the lead of the production, the one and only Lance McClain himself, standing before him with a curious, perhaps even anxious expression covering his face.

87- Hi by Nevermoree

"in a world where you have your soulmates’ first words tattooed in your skin, he, obviously, has… well, that."

88- Te prefiero a ti by Nevermoree [Explicit and only spanish]

Lance has been in love with Shiro since he can remember, so when he have the opportunity to spend the night with Shiro, he have decided not to waste it. It's supposed to be a one-night deal, but things do not always work out the way you plan.

89- How to get a hot, shape-shifting dragon-man to fall in love with you by charlotteXOyates [Explicit]

Discovering a new species is a dream every reptile expert can relate to, so Lance's excitement upon meeting Shiro, a man with scales and a dragon tail, is understandably through the roof. What's less understandable, however, is Lance's sudden desire to help the dragon-man with his rut…

90- Daycare, Toddlers, and a bit of Love by starryrosez

Lance falls in love with the father of a boy he looks after in daycare.

91- Claws by AshesTheTerrible [Explicit and omegaverse] Lance had clawed his way through the Galra military ranks. This was the most important day of his entire existence. He was being assigned to a commander. One of the most ruthless commanders in the Empire. He had to make a good impression.

It would be just his luck that he'd be stricken with the beginnings of a ruthless heat. He knew the suppressants made him sick, but he took them anyway. Anything was better than a fucking stupid heat. He couldn't very well look strong with his heat boring down on his shoulders.

But puking at the feet of your new commander doesn't exactly make you look like a model Galra either… hindsight Lance supposes. 92- Lance's Guide on How to Embarrass Yourself in Front of Your Insurance Adjuster by Eilera

“This is for my mama, Hunk. She was so worried about this whole thing. They just finished renovating. I’m not gonna let her down. If my name isn’t Lance fucking Hernandez Martine-holy fuck he’s gorgeous.”

“Oh no. No. Lance do-“

Lance didn’t even hear him because there was a fucking gorgeous god walking up the path to the front door.

(In which Lance is helping his mama with an insurance claim and he was not prepared for the smoking hot insurance adjuster.)

93- designated drivers anonymous by kalakauuas

"It’s halfway through his sixth attempt at a puppy-filter pic that the bathroom door whooshes open wider than Lance’s mouth trying to prompt the puppy tongue onto the screen. Right when Lance screeches in surprised terror, he takes the picture.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t know it was occupied,” says the person who threw the door open, his hands rushing to cover his eyes quicker than Lance would run from his mom’s chancla.

The good thing is, aside from vaguely humiliating selfie poses, there’s nothing to see here."

Lance and Shiro meet through a shared hobby, if you consider hiding in bathrooms during house parties a hobby.

94- Tris for Guys by quiddative

“Um, my name is Lance McClain-Reyes and I have a personal training session,” Lance said, though it came out as more of a question than a statement.

The girl hummed and typed something on the computer. “Ah, right on time,” she said. “Looks like you’ve been paired up with Shiro. If you’ll just take a seat, he should be out in a few minutes.”

Shiro?, Lance thought as all the gears in his brain suddenly screeched to a halt. I must have heard wrong. There’s no way—

“That’s okay, Pidge, I’m already here,” said a deep and familiar voice just behind Lance.

(Or: What do you do when the guy you've been crushing on turns out to be your personal trainer for the day?)

95- easier to lose by quiddative [Explicit]

Shiro is at the peak of his NHL career. Unfortunately, being famous has its downsides, particularly when it comes to dating. And that’s on top of the fact that he’s still in the closet. However, a chance meeting with college student Lance, who seems to be the only person in the entire city who doesn’t know who he is, gives him hope that maybe he won’t die alone after all. Just as long as he can keep his identity a secret.

96- A Halloween Tail by Cathwren

Lance just wanted to have a fun Halloween night, but when homophobic idiots give him trouble he makes a new friend in the dashing young knight that swoops in to save the day. Secrets are shared and Lance can easily say he got a night to remember...and maybe even a boyfriend.

97- 13 stories for Halloween by liddie [Explicit]

A collection of 13 Shance stories for the month of October featuring (but not limited to): vampires, kitsune, werewolves, demons, cursed scarecrows, ghosts, merpeople, oni and whatever else comes to mind!

98- Head Start by SuccubustyKisses [Explicit]

Werewolves. If there was one scent Lance knew above all else, it was Werewolves. Being born from a werewolf father and a human mother Lance knew werewolves. So when he got to the Galaxy Garrison and smelled werewolf in his class his first thought was to make peace with the other wolf.

Sure, Lance was only a half blood, and the closest to transformation he'd ever gotten was sharpened canines and claws during a full moon, but he was still wolf. As such, wolves should stick together. He left his family pack behind to come to the Garrison, maybe he'd be able to form a new pack here.

99- Forgotten Gods and Scales Like Jewels by keir [Explicit and Dubious Consent]

Lance has spent his entire career searching for the elusive and forgotten god of war and lust, a god made of part man, part snake. The pieces are there, and once Lance puts them together, he and his team discover the long forgotten temple dedicated to the naga god, but more lies in store for Lance than he could have ever dreamed of discovering.

100- Of God's and Fae's by MommaVanillaBear

A fae of the ocean, casted aside and alone made the dangerous trek to the festival of lights, and though the way back should have been easy, his steps become lost and the ocean he searches for is replaced by thick foliage and towering trees. Caught by a creature that claims to be an Earth fae, the one of the ocean must spend a month living in the forest or else the God who watches the forest will become aware of him. And there was no way the ocean fae could fight or hope to escape the wrath of a god.

101- Pornstar Lance by Ryuani [Explicit]

Lance used to work as a pornstar but space kinda stopped that.

102- Take a Chance by nuuuge [Fem!Shance]

Lance really just wants the hot Basketball prodigy to notice her.

103- Yearning Touch by CirqueBordello (CircusTalia) [Explicit and Sven]

Sven volunteers to be part of an experiment. But when that experiment makes a change in his body, Lance is there to support him but also realizes he likes the new Sven.

104- The Shirogane Triplets by MermaidLance [Explicit, Trans Lance and the title]

Three Boys

One Lance

He's in for an adventure.

105- Next Time, Pack Them Separately by Quiddity

“So, uh, you in Detroit on business?” Lance asks. The guy glances at him and for a second Lance thinks that he’s terribly misread his mood and he’s about to be snubbed in the worst way. Then he notices the dark circles under his eyes. The man’s totally exhausted. “No,” the man says, shuffling together his papers and securing them together with a wicked looking alligator clip. “I’m headed to New York.” Lance perks up. “Oh! Me too! I’m headed there to meet up with- uh…” Lance is cut off when his neighbor unbuckles himself, stands, and pushes into the line of passengers with a muttered apology. Lance sits there, dumbfounded as the man opens the overhead compartment and pulls down his- Nope. That’s Lance’s bag he’s strapping over his shoulder. That’s his palm tree name tag, that’s his laptop, that’s his senior film project he’s been working on for the past six months and his external hard drive with only back up of three hundred hours of work just shambling down the aisle and off the plane. Oh no.

106- The Knotty Omega by keir [Explicit, omegaverse and little All/Lance]

Lance never saw himself doing porn, but the opportunity fell in his lap with a wicked smile and the smooth talk of Lotor, a producer. The omega finds himself at the center of attention for many horny alphas as he does the most taboo and engages in heat sex for the camera.

107- Double Trouble by liddie [Explicit, Kuro and Shiro]

When Lance agreed to help out at his grandma's flower shop during summer break, he didn't know that it meant managing the shop singlehandedly for months while she went adventuring off to Europe.

Sure, he needs to practice his magic with living things...and yes, plants are a good way to do that without bodies stacking up if something went wrong. But Lance can't even keep a dandelion alive to save his life, so how the hell is he going to keep the entire stock of his grandma's enchanted flower shop alive and healthy for four months?

The answer is simple. He's going to summon himself some help using the dusty old spell book he found in the attic.

It's too bad Lance's handwriting looks like chicken scratch on a good day…

108- To Drown In You by Val_Creative [Explicit and Trans Lance]

Humans are a fearful race, unable to conjure anything other than simpler, volatile emotions, or so Shiro’s mer-clan has taught him. Lance’s compassion and his openhearted empathy deepens Shiro’s need for more. And he’s only know Lance for the turn of a moon.

109- How Deep is the Love We Think We Know by mizufallsfromkumo [omegaverse]

It had been a considerable while since Shiro nested.

So long in fact he didn’t even realize he was doing it.

Until he yanked one of the Castle’s lounge couch cushions out from behind Pidge. No regard for the fact that she was using it. He just knew he needed that one because it was the softest of all the other cushions. Pidge’s surprised squeak as she toppled to the side didn’t even register with him for a moment.

Or at least not till Keith called him out.

110- Repayment by SuccubustyKisses [Explicit and omegaverse]

“I need you to do me a favor Coran.”

“Anything for you, son.”

Lance stepped forward, digging his wallet out of his pocket and slamming it down on the desk in front of him. “There is a man here, an alpha named Shiro. He lost his arm in a car accident.”

“Yes, Takashi Shirogane. It’s a shame what happened to him.” Coran looked away sadly.

“I want you to take this credit card and give him everything he needs. The best, top of the line products.” Coran looked down at the credit card pressed between Lance’s hand and his desk then back up at Lance. “Please?”

111- Dream a Little Dream by thinkpink [Explicit]

Shiro is an adult- he knows how feelings work. He definitely knows his own feelings. Right?

112- Telltale Blush by thinkpink [Explicit and Dubious Consent]

“So why don’t we just skip the part where you throw lines at me and I pretend not to be interested, and you can suck my dick instead.”

113- Dress to Impress by thinkpink

How did Shiro even get sweatpants in space? And why are they so god damn thin!

114- A Dragon by liddie [Explicit]

On the day of his wedding, Prince Lance is carried away by a fearsome creature of old. The remote island is a prison and the dragon his keeper, although Lance is not completely alone. A mysterious man named Shiro is also a prisoner of the dragon, but as Lance learns just who he is, he comes to realize there is more to Shiro than he first thought.

115- In Flagrante Delicto by gwendy1

in flagrante delicto (adverb)

Definition of in flagrante delicto: 1 : in the very act of committing a misdeed : red-handed 2 : in the midst of sexual activity

116- Black's Deal by SuccubustyKisses [Explicit and little Klance]

I’ll give you what you need to get what you want, but you only get two quintent. Do you agree?

“Yes.”

Or the story of Shiro taking over Keith's body in the time of his disappearance between seasons 2 and 3.

117- The Beast Of Pirate's Bay by SuccubustyKisses [Explicit and Major character death, but don't scary you. Happy ending]

A loud shriek filled the air, causing him to fall back onto the damp metal of the ship floor. “I’m sorry.” He whimpered, covering his ears as the sound continued to ring out.

As instant as the sound came it quickly disappeared, leaving Lance to tentatively uncover his ears. “Please,” he begged, tears escaping his eyes as he looked over the side of the boat again. “I won’t even enter your territory if you just bring me a juniberry flower!”.

118- The Lion, The Witch, and the Cursed Ghost by SuccubustyKisses [Explicit]

When lance goes to Kogane forest in search of the cat he saw plastered all over the news he ends up with a lot more than he bargained for. But he's not complaining.

The ghost floated up, arms crossed as he looked over the trees. “I’ll make you a deal.” Lance’s eyes brightened, he knew his excitement was obvious. But, he didn’t care. “If you can find me in this forest before the sun sets, I’ll take you to see Shiro. If not, you will leave this forest without a fight.” He turned and lowered down to Lance’s level again, holding out his transparent hand. “Do we have a deal?”

Shiro must be the cat.

Lance reached out, taking the hand, surprised when he actually felt contact. “Deal.” Before he could even shake the hand properly it was gone, along with its owner, only the flutter of leaves in the air showing he had even been there. Snatching up one of the leaves, Lance grinned. This ghost vastly underestimated him.

119- That's not a phone by CrypticGabriel [Explicit and Trans Lance]

Lance had a part-time job at the movie theater. During his job, he liked ogling at a frequent flyer named Shiro. But he never expected to catch him doing the unthinkable while watching a movie. And no. It didn't involve a phone.

120- Let's Play A Game by liddie [Explicit]

About to leave for a little vacation time at his grandfather's seaside cottage, Shiro gets a text from Allura asking if he can drop her friend Lance off at the beach on his way. He agrees, but is entirely unprepared for everything that Lance is.

121- How Do I "Casual"? by The_Busy_Beee

Sometimes Lance loves living in the same building as his best friends.

Sometimes he hates it with a passion.

Usually only when Keith's involved, however.

Or:

Lance brings home a guy and isn't sure how to handle the "morning after" situation. Keith is exhausted and thinks Lance has murdered somebody.

122- Spilling Secrets by The_Busy_Beee

Everyone knows the past never stays in the past.

Or:

Shiro finally meets the Blue Lane crew, Lotor is a shit, and Lance really just wants today to go well.

123- Good Girl by strawberrylovely [Explicit and Fem!Lance]

Shiro hears Lance masturbating in the team bathroom. He’s not sure whether to help or run away, so Lance makes the decision for him.

124- Beautiful Breed by Blue_Queen662 [Fem!Lance]

Kept in captivity for years, Lance had not had any contact with others like herself in a long while.

Shiro had been gone from the sea for years. From being separated from his pod for a long time, he had forgotten how it feels to be loved by a mate.

Shiro has been chosen to be Lance’s mate. For his strangth, speed and intellect; it was decided amongst guests at a dinner party that the Champion will mate with Zarkon’s prize pet.

125- my boyfriend's back (and you're gonna be in trouble) by heavenlyrare

The Galra and the Alteans haven't been at each other's throats, thanks to Prince Lance's and Commander Shiro's relationship.

Unfortunately, the rest of the universe doesn't seem to know that.

126- Missing Pieces by AshesTheTerrible [Explicit]

Shiro comes back from two tours overseas a changed man. He has one less arm and a lot more nightmares. His best friend Keith convinces him Yoga is the perfect form of meditation to help with his PTSD and he's skeptical at best....that is until he sees the instructor and is instantly in love.

127- Full Moons and the Mornings After by Impetus

Lance really needs to stop letting stray wolves into his apartment.

128- My Best Friend's Brother? How Cliche by orphan_account

Lance has been pining after Shiro since he was 14, and the last time he saw him before Shiro left to go to veterinary school had been embarrassing as hell. But, things were different now. 3 years had passed, Shiro was back, and Lance was a new and improved version of himself. This time, Lance wasn't afraid to do what he wanted to.

OR that one where Lance hasn't seen Shiro in years but when he goes to drop some food off at Keith's house he walks in on Shiro working out.

129- How To Use a Long Rest by avoidingavoidance [Explicit]

In which the team's game of Monsters and Mana isn't actually a game, and Lance takes good care of Shiro. Several times.

130- Just Take That Breath in Your Lungs by mizufallsfromkumo [Omegaverse]

When Shiro was younger, and freshly presented as an Alpha, he use to think about how things would be when he claimed his mate for himself.

Ideally it would be their wedding night, but it wasn’t a necessity. Shiro was fine with whenever moment arose and felt right. And when his intended mate would find it, Shiro would turn on soft music. They’d maybe dance a little, or speak soft words of love. Then the night would progress in a slow, gentle, and loving path towards claiming.

Because yeah, Shiro was a hopeless romantic at times.

Sue him.

But that was the furthest thing that was happening, Shiro thought as he and Lance flopped into the nest both of them had constructed over two weeks ago.

131- Can You Find the Path that Leads Back to My Heart by mizufallsfromkumo

Lance was just left to sulk in the cockpit. And wonder just where his relationship stood with his mate, who had his soul transferred and fused into a clone's body. A clone Lance had just continued on courting like nothing ever happened, because he didn’t know his mate had even died in the first place.

Lance never thought going to space would be filled with so much drama.

Much less, drama that made his life sound like really bad telenovela plot line.

132- Some Good Shooting by AshesTheTerrible [Explicit and Trans Lance]

Lance and Shiro had been nothing but a hurricane of spats and frustration since the switching of lions. And then quite suddenly...they weren't anymore. Hunk couldn't figure out what had changed between the blue and black paladins but the rest of the team just seemed happy the two were working together. Maybe a little too well in fact.

Unbeknownst to the others, really all it took to change the two paladin's attitudes toward each other was one hard kiss in the hangar doors.

Parts 1 / 2 / 3 

[inexchangeforyoursoul]

FINALLY birthed this thing. I’m officially a disaster with writing anything that involves conflict. Just like irl. :”) Anyway, yeah, there were 3 reasons why I did not finish this immediately about a month ago.

Első: See above.

Második: I had no idea what I wanted the last drop for Hawks to be before writing the rest in advance anyway, whoopsie~

Harmadik: I was.... reeeeeally not sure whether I want to publish this during pride month, seeing as I’m cis, and what kind of shit I put in this. (..... ok I’ve been thinking about this, and somebody just tell me if I’m plain projecting shit here. I might as well. Like, I always am, but it has usually got to do with characters being heavily #relatable in some way in strictly canon, which goes for everyone I write scenarios for. But now I’m thinking about whether there is something more to this, bc me headcanoning Shiggy as genderfluid and starting that shitty LawxOC body swap fic came around the same time two years ago, and now here’s Hawks, too. I’m onto you, me. I’m so onto me...)

Anyway... if you want the usual fluff, you might wanna sit this one out. (There’s some of it, but beware of everything else... it got p long (~6.5k), too, so you might wanna read it on a proper platform for txt: AO3 )

Big, BIG thanks @cutiesableye @acidmatze @waxwingedhawks and @mistystarshine for basically proofreading it and slapping a big green GO into my nervous face. Or being at it rn; regardless, I am thankful. Sssh, only dreams now.

I hope y’all be as uncomfortable reading the meat of this as I was writing it, whoops.

For how much he's surrounded by people normally -which he enjoys most of the time, really- Hawks prefers the silent rooftop right now. It shouldn't be anything out of the ordinary, he'd need a lot more alone time in the first place… but he's supposed to be working right now. Be in the thick of this spying shit, collecting intel from social and environmental clues like nobody's business.

Returning to the room is not something he wants right now, though. The topic and the awkward atmosphere it brought are weighing on him, and he'd rather get over this before moving on with the sleuthing business. He's been perching over the weed-ridden parking lot for like half an hour already, though. Judging by what he can pick up, the League is back to their time killing activities, and not very concerned about his absence. He noticed Spinner checking on him some time back from the doorway, and that's what it was. He's low-key grateful that they would let him breathe instead of poking around some more, or tailing him. If it's something he's allowed to do all the time, it'll be a luxury he's plain going to cherish for as long as it lasts.

Another plus is… that his reasons to join have become more than just believable. Even if this bit of information was not something he wanted to share. Like, at all. Ever. It was perhaps naive to think nobody will ever find out in the first place, that it would stay a secret of the select few who trained and took care of him. But the ones aware of it now being the members of Japan's most infamous terrorist organization… is not reassuring. 

Still… they are letting him be alone. It's… nice. Being seen as a person. It also hurts, though.

His feathers catch onto the vibrations of someone coming up the staircase again. The echoes tell of familiar size, weight and shapes… he knows who it will be. Being a wild card, he's probably coming on his own volition. The plastic smile is already in place, even though it has never worked on the guy- this was nice while it lasted.

The metal door opens with a lazy creak, then there's a soft thud, followed by slacking steps that stop right behind him. Dabi takes a swig from the beer can in his hand before speaking. "So… Peacock and Starling, huh."

"What about them, bacon face?" It's a funny feeling to hear someone say those… names, technically. It's equally funny to think that one of those is what he'd be known as if things go a little more his way. Even considered the title Phoenix for a moment, but that was too pretentious even for him, not to mention ill-fitting past being made of reds and yellows. As for the flashy Peacock… it's easy to see why the blatant joke got rejected off the bat. He'd look sick in iridescent blues and greens for sure, but that's all the reason he ever had to consider it. Those colors didn’t fit his basically pre-established brand… and nowadays he'd rather be invisible than catch even more eyes, anyway. And there's the almost, almost final Red Starling, which had the prototype of his current hero costume and everything…

He wanted to avoid predatory birds when given the task to choose a hero name, blatant secondary traits notwithstanding. They were beautiful creatures, yes… but hardly something reassuring and safe, killing for a living, full of pointy bits. Someone else probably wouldn't have batted an eye and had gone for the intimidation factor, but it was simply not what he had in mind.

A hawk… is a borderline case. It's among the smaller species and underwent some form of domestication, after all. They are not ideal for being kept as mere pets, though; they serve a purpose, instead.

They are used.

Used to hunt for sport or pest control, as he usually does. As he's supposed to right now.

So 'Hawks' was an afterthought, invoking the image of speed and danger. Which they insisted on, especially after… that. Smuggling the S at the end on the form was a last passive-aggressive jab after getting the okay, before letting go of who he used to, or wanted to be. It was fascinating to see the big shots make peace with it almost immediately, and regarding it as an improvement, even; 'makes it easier to associate with a swarm of feathers,' and 'more unique and identifiable,' they said. As if the original idea didn't accomplish both. It really was just… fascinating. The rest of these names, he banished to the stuffiest, darkest corners of his mind, as there were few good things, and even less pleasant memories attached to them. Until… today.

What has happened was simple and logical- the idea whether he'd choose another alias for underground activities came up. Mentioning them in the first place was an enormous mistake… and entertaining either as a viable option was even more so. Disturbing those relics reminded him of those buried memories and feelings, and all he can think of right now is the way Himiko's words rang in his ears barely half an hour ago.

Today, your smell reminds me of Big Sister.

Dabi lets out a sigh before getting to the meat of it. He spent the time Hawks had been gone on thinking himself, and there's a lot to unpack here. So he ought to take it step by step, lest he gets lost in the details. “Let me… get this story of yours straight."

… Great. This is exactly what he needs.

"It starts with… dirty, piss-poor little you getting caught up in a car accident and single handedly resolving it, right? Then, for doing something nice and selfless like that… you got sold off like a slab of fucking meat to the government.”

He blinks. "Hmm… not the most revolutionary take on it. I know you can do better." Claiming that the thought has never crossed his mind would be a lie. He just never let himself dwell on it. But now, this idiot is making him do exactly that. Or is trying to, at the very least. It certainly seems to be one of those convos. This… is turning out to be a major pain in the ass right away. Maybe he should reconsider provoking him this time around, it could backfire big time in the current mood of his.

“It is what happened, though, wasn’t it?” Dabi continues, slipping down to sit next to him, one leg dangling over the edge. “And once your apparently sub-par parents raked in the easy money, and washed their hands of you… you got stripped of everything.”

"Bold of you to assume that I had much to lose, bro. If you know about the accident, you also know where they picked me up from." Putting up a front aside, there was a rough edge to that 'everything' that makes Hawks want to run for the hills immediately. Nope, he is positively not in the mood for antagonistic banter at the moment. He wasn't really able to hide his upset and embarrassment over the situation, so Dabi must have found some twisted sense of enjoyment in pestering him about this specifically. Why can't this asshole just… shut up for once. He thought the villain incapable of it, but he does it so damn well with others around. Sticking with the lot might be a good idea, because solo Dabi is worse. He… he better filter out all the babbling before he starts thinking about bad shit or worse. It’s been a while since he had to take such measures, but he'll have to lull himself into a coma, and just… shut up. Inside out. And hope that Dabi gets bored of him.

“Doesn't change the point, does it, now. They started with any meaningful human contact you may have had… until they erased every last ounce of self," Comes the continuation while Hawks tries to block it out; "They denied you time, likes, attention, possibly even your basic fucking needs while moulding you into a perfect little cleanup machine that fears no death. Then tossed your dried-up skeleton into a roomy cage, filled with expensive junk to fill the void, as a semblance of compensation. Well thanks for fucking nothing, you sick fucks."

Hawks' eyes have locked onto a sunbathing lizard in the distance, but the idle animal is not quite enough of a distraction and his fingers twitch with the tightening grip over the wall's edge. Why does it sound as if Dabi was taking his side?

Shut up… don't pay attention.

He winces when Dabi pulls on the collar of his tracksuit to take a disgusted look at the label. "All the shit you wear was gifted from companies you played dress-up doll for, wasn't it… one fantastic billboard, you are. You own literally nothing else, do you? I'm sure that's the case, because, funny story… a newbie classmate of mine, some dump kid whose parents became new money, had always obscene amounts of cash on him…  but after an initial shopping spree, he never could bring himself to buy a fucking thing. So we asked him about it. Turns out he simply felt like utter shit for spending any of it unless he had a good reason. I laughed then, but apparently, getting a bag of chips is a gargantuan issue for most people who grew up in poverty." 

He leans closer, low words dripping like liquid venom in Hawks' ear. "You, too, feel like garbage every time you spend an ounce of money on something you can do without, don't you? Reminding yourself that there are dozens of that thing at home, lying untouched in your wardrobe that's the size of some families' entire house. Pray-tell Hawks, how many times did you sit over a full basket of online goods… the stuff of your dreams, probably some basic ass shit... only to back out at the last second, hmm?"

Shut up.

Dabi's eyes slide to the tense hands possibly attempting to tear the crumbling edge off the worn wall. A second later, he distances himself again, stirring the can with lazy, circular motions. "I don't even want to imagine what it feels like. Never spent a fucking dime on anything but charities, I fancy. And the odd bottle of booze, fuck or junk food… Are those chicken bits the only thing you're allowed to get? Tch.” 

“What a fucking luxury, being allowed to treat yourself to a bucket every other week, when your disgusting training diet has been set in stone three months in advance." It sounds like a personal addendum, but not a single word in that sentence escapes the overbearing sarcasm and condescension.

A still ticking cogwheel in the hero's head wonders why Dabi knows of the standard diet thing he has to undergo at least twice a year being three months long, and how he could possibly know that he's come to hate half of the dishes over the years. The overwhelming majority of said cogs have long come to a halt, however, screeching SHUT UP. He's not sure who or what that message is directed to anymore. Probably both of them.

Dabi’s waltzing wrist comes to a halt, soon followed by the whirling liquid in the can; it's a minute break, the kind that's just enough to make conversations awkward. In fact, the silence is too big for Hawks to handle- there’s no white noise to drown out and it makes not thinking, not paying attention unbearably hard. The lizard disappears under the cracked asphalt, leaving him with nothing.

“With how long it took you to respond to Shigaraki, they also stripped you of your name. And what I got from the exchange with Toga… is that the same goes for your body, too.”

A shiver runs down Hawks’ back and wings over the addition, kicking the machine brain back in full order despite his best efforts. Dabi takes a big swig of beer and lets out a sigh, resulting in another ill-placed pause. It gives Hawks time to think, goddammit, and he thinks too fast, too hard, about everything.

“While you were moping up here, I've come to realize why you always seem to be so hilariously desperate to one-up me in any given way… it’s because you actually are grasping for straws. You have no control whatsoever, over anything. None." There’s a somber undertone to his voice. The can, along with the remaining sloshes of beer, are flung down to the concrete wasteland and land with a sad, high pitched clank. "My sister used to be like this… people like you don’t dare to ask why things happen. You will believe you’d done something wrong to deserve it all… maybe see yourselves as a necessary sacrifice. Did they ask you to be a martyr, or did you decide so yourself, bird brain? Not that it matters… because that’s exactly what your bosses want and they'd keep on twisting your arms until they get there… but I bet they did. They didn't ask whether you actually wanted it, though… or ask anyone else, about anything, for that matter." 

He reaches over Hawks' vaguely trembling shoulders for the jaw, forcing his face out of hiding. The grip turns gentler as the man's head turns in his general direction, though he's refusing to make eye contact. Dabi keeps him there like that for a while, dissecting him with icy, blue scalpels.

"Gentle like a dove… you'd have flipped the fuck out and been talking shit ever since I opened my mouth any other day. Is this the defense mechanism you developed for these situations?" There's some twitches to the corner of the mouth, but the other remains unresponsive. Heaving another, mildly annoyed sigh, he pries the hero off the crumbling wall with a disgruntled huff and turns to face him. Once there’s some space to work with, he tilts the head in his grasp to the left, to the right… no resistance. "To see you like this is creepy as all hell, birdie… do you even register what I'm saying anymore? Or is ignoring me the goal? Hmm?" 

He scoffs at the glazed eyes, then shakes his head. "I'd imagine you met some pigs high up on the food chain soon after the stunt… those monsters can do anything they want. Then buy silence from pocket change." He starts caressing the other's face as the trembling turns more and more into shaking. "Isolated, innocent eye candy kid at their mercy…… I can only imagine what they’d do to a sweet little plaything like you."

A visceral reaction makes Hawks' stomach convulse, threatening to empty itself, and the muscles in the rest of his body follow suit. Unwanted scraps of memories, all the blurred scenes, images and feelings he didn't quite manage to erase flare up in his mind. And even though his entire being is revolting against being reminded of hugs that felt off by a mere margin, of touches that were always, always distinctively soft and slimy, and things sometimes even worse, and much worse…  the sole thing that betrays his near perfect neutral expression is a pair of clenched jaws. What concerns him even more than any of this, however, is the fact that his tear ducts have been burning up for some unknown time, and...

… too late. There’s already a droplet of water sitting on the thumb Dabi lifted up a second ago.

The tear gets reduced to nothing between the pensive swipe of two fingers as he lets go of him. “Thought so…”

A sliver… a handful of cells, some unidentifiable part of Hawks is thankful that Dabi doesn’t elaborate on what he’s thinking right now, glaring somewhere distant both past the hero and his own damp hand.

The villain's eyes come back into focus soon enough. There's still… one more thing. "Then you started to grow… and they decided to focus on function over form, since your baby face would be just as marketable with a scruff. Becoming popular and following a strict schedule makes it near impossible for creeps to do as they please, with all the watchful eyes dissecting your every move… so you live on a leash instead. An accessory to show off to guests… and still shiny, new weapon to flashily beat up people with." He cocks his head. "And you loathe mindless violence."

On one hand comes the relief that the previous topic has been dropped as unceremoniously as possible, and he gets a moment to breathe and stop shaking like a leaf. On the other…

They are used. Used to hunt pests…

Having less than no time for himself, the daily drill of regular heroing and the overwhelming amount of paperwork the job comes with are things he can deal or cope with… It’s fighting, hurting and confronting other people he loathes the most, even if he'll ram heads with the bigger fish to ensure a more stable framework for everyone to live in. For… others to live in.

Forcing himself into a group of known murderers and the deception this comes with is just the icing on the rotten cake. God, all these fucking lies, he cannot look into the mirror anymore for being overcome with sheer disgust. And now he's stuck with it until the source of all Noumu can be located, too. Why can’t things be like a shitty cops and robbers chase and, just… easy? Simple? Is it really that much to ask for?

But what makes it unnerving is to know that Dabi’s right, always fucking right. About people, what a living nightmare being a hero is once one looks past the glitter covers, and pretty much everything else. But most importantly, he's right about him. He hates being predictable at all, not to mention being read with confidence, and right now he feels as naked as an open book with covers ripped clean off.

He can feel more tears break free, and his fingers scrape over the rough concrete, letting the bumps and glass shards cut a fingertip or two open. It's frustrating. Every single time they happen to make contact… Dabi either makes a good point or manages to get the upper hand in the most inane, little ways, and it’s so… frustrating.

He can’t keep bottling it all up forever, but what is he supposed to do about these feelings?

“What I'm not sure about… is what exactly they are thinking this time.” There’s a thoughtful pause before the continuation; every last tendon in the blonde’s body tenses up. “Are they actually this desperate to get us for good… or is it you they want to get rid of that bad?” 

For a moment that seems like an eternity, Hawks feels… absolutely nothing. Nothing but the piercing glare of the very sky above them, staring straight through the villain's eyes. “Psycho girl is right… you really have no idea how to say no.”

Why now… Hawks can't tell. But hearing the same shit he's thinking about for the millionth time makes something crack. Click. Snap. And next thing he knows, he’s already tackled Dabi to the ground and is clenching his fists into his coat; the man himself doesn’t look too surprised over the turn of events, which drives him even madder.

“Every,” his voice shakes with bubbling anger and is lower and gravelier than his normal, but it will do. Hawks pulls on the leather hard enough to lift the other before slamming him back onto the grey concrete--- “Every” --- over--- “single” --- and over--- “aspect” --- and over, “of you,” and over, “drives me up… the fucking wall,” and over… “any time you open your godforsaken MOUTH,” this time, he goes a little over the top, as the big yank is followed by a pointed knock upon Dabi’s head meeting the ground and his lungs flatten under the pressure of fists, but Hawks is not in the mindset to give a flying fuck about the minor inconveniences of the villain at the moment. Fucker has dug this grave himself, so he better lie in it. "how the everloving fuck... How…! How can you possibly know me more than I do?! TELL ME!!” He asks with an ever growing voice that borders screaming by now, all while shaking the man relentlessly.

He's about to pull and slam him down again when Dabi's hands grab onto his arms just below the wrist. Maybe it's that he did not expect it, but the grip definitely stings a little. As fragile as Dabi is, he thought those scrawny arms less powerful, but apparently what does he know? Still angry, he tears one hand free while shooting a glare at the villain.

There's a trail of blood flowing down his cheek around where Hawks' fist rubbed against at the time of the yank. Dabi blinks once, leaving his left eye with an odd pink texture as his lid smears the leaking red fluid all over it. Not too surprisingly, his face remains as unreadable as a mannequin's, and eyes as cold as that of a taxidermy specimen. Hawks hates looking at him when they are like this, which is most of the time. "Careful, little bird… you're tearing at the seams. Don't want to end up like this, do you?”

That calm voice works like just another taunt, making the hero want to beat him to a pulp, or at the very least, continue where he's just left off with flattening him into the concrete. At the same time… hesitation wedges his joints to a halt. No… No, he doesn’t want to end up ‘like this,’ whatever it may have been to drive Dabi into burning himself alive on a daily basis.

And he notices. Of course he does. Hawks could swear to see his lips curve, but it may just be the angle.

“Fucked-up kids know how to read others pretty well, don’t you think?”

Hawks’ still short breath hitches and he freezes upon feeling a hand, the very same he just shook off, slide over his hips, ice cold on his heated skin even through the fabric of a t-shirt. There's no real intent behind it; in fact, it feels like a doctor's indifferent, calculated touch. Somehow, that makes it even worse. "… didn't even have the decency to start stuffing you with testosterone from the get-go, huh?" 

Another statement that sounds more like a personal note than anything else, and it makes Hawks’ skin crawl.

“Well I can’t read you for shit! Congratulations!!!” He barks, slapping the intrusive limb away. “For starters, what was this supposed to be about, hell, why the fuck did you even come up here?! Just to gloat about it into my face? Or do you want to make fun of me for not being able to decide whether I’d rather be a cheeky bitch or the insufferable prick I am today?!” 

There’s tears streaming down his face again, but he couldn’t care less. It hurts like all hell… especially remembering full well how fucking much waking up from what was supposed to be nothing more than an open break surgery hurt- there was near nothing to remove, for fuck's sake. But claiming not to enjoy at least some aspects of what being a man brought would be just more lies on the throne built on them.

Mentioning his interest in IT and mechanics to strangers is not criticised or made fun of, not anymore. Neither is his tendency to run ahead of others in pretty much every situation. Instead of second guessing, people default to respecting and listening to what he says on any given topic in general, and he stopped doubting himself, too. The circumstances were a special kind of fucked-up for sure… but he also ended up having fewer weak spots than almost everyone else, which did come handy a couple of times. The hormones he received made him taller than he ever could have grown realistically, too. And rejecting fans is easier as most women- and most of them are women,- know basic fucking etiquette.

But he also wants cheesy tees with cats and birds and flowers that he never gets to sponsor. Cuter shoes that are still comfy. Some eyeshadow every now and then. Wear the prettiest blues and greens, and maybe… maybe a nice dress.

"… You are pissed for the same reason I am.”

By the time Hawks has processed the sentence, he is the one being pressed into the roof, with one wing stuck awkwardly underneath him. For a dreadful moment he breaks into cold sweat, because this also means that Dabi is between his legs, and--- fuck, this is the last fucking position he wants to find himself in, especially right fucking now. He doesn’t get to break out in panic, however, because the villain is busy strangling him against the lukewarm ground. It’s his turn to grab onto the other’s arms as he wheezes for some air. He needs to calm the fuck down somehow, otherwise he won’t be able to use his feathers---

“Looking at you… is like staring at a distorted mirror image at fucking funland.” Hawks cracks his eyes open, seeing Dabi stare right back at him. It's as if someone put goddamn transparency over the villain to make the blinding blue behind him visible. He’d blame cold eyes in general, but he doesn’t find Twice’s even lighter ones nearly this creepy when Dabi’s like this. His burn with intensity rivaling All Might and Endeavor, which have always made him uneasy.

“What a nice pair of custom-made patchwork monstrosities we are…” His voice delves into a hiss as the grip tightens over the hero’s neck. “… makes me sick to my stomach."

Hawks coughs under the weight on his throat. He manages to get some air in and think clearly enough to turn back to logical thinking; if Dabi wanted to go for the kill, he’d be toast by now. Motherfucker is just toying with him for the hell of it, isn’t he? He flexes his wings against the rough concrete and flips the two of them back over to where they started.

“Would you stop playing games, you *cough* sick fuck?!” he wheezes, all out of breath.

"Maybe you’re the one who should stop dicking around, bird brain!"

His next protest gets cut short when Dabi headbutts him in the temples. It feels half-hearted, but gets him to shut up for a moment nonetheless, which is all that the other needs.

"The fuck did you scrape us up from the floor for, HUH?! You had ONE JOB, and you could have been done with it just like that… but instead...!! INSTEAD you played nurse and started to GET ALL COMFORTABLE AND SHIT!” The villain’s voice is basically rolling like thunder over the forsaken plot.

Hawks’ angry and pained grimace twitches under his hand- he’s seen Dabi smug, and aloof, and crazed, but not… angry. Not to mention angry with him, specifically. And, once again, it’s one of those little, irritating, miniscule things that are… true. He didn’t get an order to stick around and follow the lead to the Noumu until like a week later, so it was all unnecessary and ended up being even more work and trouble than it was worth.

He didn’t have to help when he found all of them dying, bleeding and broken.

He also didn’t have to start talking to Compress and Twice and Giran, then all the rest as they warmed up to him and came to.

He wasn’t supposed to lie about their initial status, he didn’t have to keep covering for them after they were all walking and doing all right, after the decent person in him had already been satisfied.

And he definitely never meant to get… attached.

A pull on his tracksuit wakes him from the shock, just as Dabi continues screaming at him head-on. “And YET, there still isn't anything YOU want from us?! REALLY?!! Do you want to be a puppet for the rest of your life, idiot?!"

Well… Hawks had been called names before. He never thought that being called a ‘puppet’ would offend him this much, but that... that certainly just did it.

“NO, I DON’T!” He screams back at him, voice swaying all over the place.

"CAN'T HEAR YOU, BITCH!!"

"I SAID I DON'T WANT 'o!!” Whatever air's still in Hawks' lungs gets stuck inside as a wave of what’s probably fear washes over him upon hearing his own, distorted voice crack and echo in the empty parking lot. Realizing just how much he's straining his voice, a sudden knot manifests in his stomach that folds his rage into a small, jittery, awkward package.

“Ah… I,” It takes so much effort to squeeze out a single thing, what--- why is he embarrassed? “I don’t---”

The next word gets stuck somewhere between his thoughts and throat when the same cold hand from before leaves a little pat on his head.

"See? Wasn't that fucking hard, was it now." It combs Hawks' hair back, staples getting stuck here and there on the fragile strands. There’s nothing methodical about it this time; the entire gesture is just… gentle. "Good job, chicken."

Just like that… all that rage, despair and helplessness, along with the last confusing bundle of emotions, evaporates out of the blue, leaving Hawks empty and tired, somewhat nervous, and maybe a little… relieved. It takes him a bit to be able to think of anything at all, god knows how much time passes while he blinks blankly in front of him. It takes a rugged sigh from Dabi underneath him to phase back into reality; the scarred hand has long disappeared, and is tucked behind the villain’s head along with the other as he’s gazing at the passing clouds. The first coherent thought that crosses Hawks’ head is a fully formed fact- what kind, and with what purpose, he doesn't know or begin to understand… but this was… a test, or rather, a lecture.

A very… very crudely executed lecture.

Hawks sniffs with a stuffy nose. Fucking… fucking fucker. “… you are an asshole through and though, aren’t you?” And now he’s hoarse, too. Wonderful.

There’s a shrug… well, as much of a shrug it can be from someone in Dabi’s position. “I don’t believe it’s ever been up for debate.”

He sounds so smug, it's just so… ugh. The hero squishes his face with a palm in frustration before crawling off him at last. The annoyed grunt in response is all he needs right now. "Are you done being a nuisance, or do you wanna egg me on some more?"

There's a rare chuckle. "Already making bird puns…? Nah, little bird. Getting hell-and-back pissed is exhausting as fuck. You won't be any more fun today." 

With that, Dabi scrambles onto his elbows, then sits back up. He gives a quick massage to his previously flattened nose before rubbing the back of his head; there’s a number of fully formed lumps already. Feathers isn’t very gentle when riled up… at least the spot’s not bleeding. He'll need to put some painkillers to work, though. "Still… the manic look suits you well. I'm getting giddy just thinking about your bosses' reactions upon seeing you like that." In a move that is more or less successful, he licks a finger to rub the trail of rust off his cheek.

Hawks wrinkles his nose upon seeing a rather genuine looking smile on the other’s face. “Please. Noone in their right mind is in my face like you are all the damn time… at least not with the intent of driving me batshit only to make me murder them. You’re a freak case and should not be accounted for.” He sighs, resting his head on an arm- there really is no willpower left in him to do anything for the rest of the day. There better be no trouble on his late evening patrol, or so help him. Or help it, because there's no guarantee he won't snap back to this awkward beat-to-a-pulp mode if confronted with a no-name villain.

After some fidgeting, Dabi produces something from a pocket… something that looks very suspiciously like a worn blunt. “It’s because they don’t have to, dumbass… you are edging towards a nervous breakdown at any given time. Anyway, look… you are no doubt seen as an invaluable asset… but are worth so much more still. Give yourself some credit." Hawks peers back at him just as the conspicuous thing is lit over a wrist which gets shaken after, much like one would put out a match. There’s a tentative draw, followed by another. 

“What I want to say is… they are terrified of you, birdie. If not for the danger of exposing their disgusting practices, it's because they fear that their blue ribbon pet won't return from a hunt… for one reason or another. And, just for the record,” He breathes, offering the roll to him; “I'll gladly hold you back for a good scare."

Following a vacant stare and a blink, he takes it. It’s not as if this quite tolerable, for-the-hell-of-it mood of Dabi’s was new, but… he was seriously considering to strangle the guy a minute ago. When exactly did they return to casual banter? Hell if he remembers, or has noticed at all. God… this whole thing has him rattled real good. Hopefully a nap will get him back into the usual pace of things.

“I sure hope not everyone blows their sugarbird pocket money on beer and weed like you do,” The blonde muses once he can feel a different kind of fatigue set in, reaching the blunt back to Dabi. Hypocritical? Maybe. Won't stop him from nagging others for the same shit, though. Comes with the job.

“Well, Compress replaced the crumpled hat… and Tomura decided to save up for a new handheld,” Dabi muses, placing the smoke into the corner of his mouth. "It'll go via Giran, of course. After seeing the taxes on that shit, I can't even blame him."

Can’t help but smile at that. “You are all fucking hopeless.”

A hum is all he gets as a reply.

After a while of comfortable silence, the remains of the roll get snuffed out on the ground. Blinking past Dabi, Hawks can see the sun is soon to set. Fucked like two hours just sitting out here, didn’t he. The Commission better not expect much from today’s endeavor… cannot exactly tell them that he was getting high on the rooftop with the flame villain for a good portion of it, the only villainous topic being creepy fat cats and their own shortcomings. Or that his possibly biggest secret slipped, although they wouldn't give a rat's ass about that. Yyyeah… it’s best to bullshit it.

“Humor me for another minute of real talk, will you, chicken?”

Dabi’s voice drags him back to reality again, only to realize that the light has already turned into a warm yellow. If his bones… or rather joins popped now, he’d feel like the embodiment of a nice little bonfire under the sun. Huh. Guess the stuff was of the better quality to make him think of weird similes and turn his sense of time whack. What was he--- oh, right. He should answer.

“… cannot promise I'll be able to pay attention or remember any of it, but do your best, crouton.” There’s a mild prickly sensation in his wings and his brain feels like marshmallows. If only he could always be so calm.

“Don’t bullshit me, you barely had a whiff." The dirty remains of weed are flung over the roof in annoyance.

He can feel a goofy smile creep onto his face- it's nice to be the source of frustration for once. Maybe all he needs to do is be honest more often. "Second hand smoking goes a long way, bruh."

The initial answer is an exasperated sigh. "Shut it… Anyway, you should cut the sweet chirping and tweeting, birdie. No matter what you do, people take advantage of your position. You know this better than anyone else. So squawk and screech to your heart's content, if that's what you need… and if barking won’t help, get down to biting.” Having said that, he stops surveying the cracked parking lot under the golden sky, and turns back to Hawks.

He forgets to breathe for a second. Good lord… those eyes glow as if they were illuminated by blue fire from inside, and the contrast with the sunset is just… well, literally breathtaking, he supposes. This is among the few times when they don’t creep him out- quite the contrary, in fact. They still feel like X-rays, though. “I guess it really doesn’t matter… by the way, real talk question: can you fucking read minds?”

Not that he expected anything else, but a smug grin appears on the villain’s face. “Maybe~”

“Careful, man. Your pants are sizzling.”

Lo and behold, another rare chuckle. Despite being under the influence of drugs, (or maybe because of that?) Hawks is on a fucking roll.

He can't keep his eyes off those blue ones even once Dabi decides to stare back at him. “Jokes aside… suppose there really is an idiot like me out there, and they get up close and personal… put those clipped talons to work and gouge their fucking eyes out. You have all the means to tear them limb from limb… go all out, who gives a fuck. These are the same kind of people who shit on wild animals from beyond a cage, but watch them run with tail between legs upon realizing that the gates are wide open. And even if you weren't ready to dirty your hands or feathers like that…" 

He lifts a pointing finger and rests the tip on the hero’s nose. "One word of yours… and we'll make sure it's the last day they touched anyone. Understand?"

Really, all he can manage to that is a weak, sheepish smile. “… thanks,” he breathes, not knowing what else to say. He should be a thousand times more alarmed over basically being told that someone's ready to kill for him, and not… well, flattered? Touched? Especially since he knows Dabi means it, and so would the rest of them.

“Great,” the other grunts while getting on his feet, and leaning just a little bit on Hawks’ head while doing so. What a turd. Latter’s about to get his stiff legs working as well, but once the vague aching starts subduing, he can see Dabi stop in the doorway and put a hand on his hip. “… those filthy gremlins have been spying on us.”

Indeed… someone brought the hero’s scantily loaded bag to the top of the staircase and left it there.

“In that case,” turns Dabi around, flinging said bag over to Hawks in the same breath, “go straight the fuck home and get yourself presentable, you overgrown turkey. Might wanna decide on the new alias by the next time I call, too. You already know the rest.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he sighs, dragging the strap over his head.

Between the echo of boots, there’s a distorted farewell: “See ya, little star.”

Hawks stops in his tracks. He looks over to the empty entrance, and the metal door wide open. The sound of footsteps has faded into barely more than creepy sounds in an abandoned building- if not for his feathers, he wouldn’t even know that six other people are under the roof he’s standing on. Spirits and shadows haunting an old convenience store like many others.

He's nothing more than another ghost out here, and yet… he's never felt so real.

---

No matter what he chooses, Dabi will just stick to 'fancy chicken.' Also, I’m so fucking proud of that Red Starling. Not only is it obscure astronomy bullshit (much like the title of this thing), but it would be a nifty alternative to Hawks; just hit up a video on a flock (or, as I just learned, murmuration) of starlings. Shit’s cray.

[ladywinchester1967]

Bleeding Love

Ours; Chapter 4

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff, Valentine’s feels, SMUT, Lisa being a bitch. 

A/N: Finally, chapter 4 is here! Hope you guys enjoy! As always, unbeta’d, all mistakes are mine. Pics ARE NOT.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kat walked into work on February 14th, Valentine's Day, and sat at her desk checking emails. She saw that Hannah had sent out an office wide email letting everyone know there would be a Valentine’s themed lunch being served in the cafeteria today. Kat smiled and jotted a note so she would remember when lunch time came around. She yawned as more people filtered in, greeting each other. Dean walked down the row of cubicles, nodding and greeting people as he passed.

“Morning.” Kat said when he got closer

“Morning,” he said and handed her a cup of Starbucks along with a muffin wrapped in a bag “this, and that for you.”

“They had blueberry this morning?!” She asked

“Got the last one.” he said with a smile.

“Thanks Dean.” she said and took it from him.

“You’re welcome” he said “How many meetings do we have today?”

Kat opened up the calendar on her computer, setting down her coffee and muffin.

“Two this morning,” she told him “after lunch we have one, that project meeting we set up with Charlie, Kevin and Jo, remember?”

Dean nodded “Yeah, I remember. Anything else?” He asked

“Hannah sent out a mass email, something about free, Valentine's Day lunch.” she told him

“My other favorite F word.” he said and she laughed “Okay, holler if you need me.” he said as he went into his office.

“You got it.” She said as she sipped her coffee, smiling to herself.

After business hours started, the phone seemed to ring off the hook and by the time her first meeting rolled around, Kat was happy not to hear the email notification go off.

“What’s up everyone’s butts today?” She asked Dean as they walked “I swear I’ve put out more small fires today than I have in two weeks.”

“All this love in the air I guess,” Dean said with a shrug “makes people antsy or something.”

“No, that’s indigestion, not love.” Kat said and he chuckled.

“Yeah you’re probably right” he said as Cole walked up behind them. He was part of the sales and marketing team that Dean was in charge of.

“Morning guys, how’s everyone doing today?” He asked.

“Great, you?” Kat asked.

“Awesome,” Cole said “Dean, you free tonight? The bar is going to be like shooting fish in a barrel.”

Dean shook his head “Nah, can’t. I promised my girlfriend we’d do something.” he said

“Wait, girlfriend?” Cold asked “News to me.”

Kat nearly cracked a rib restraining her laughter.

“It’s kind of a new thing,” Dean said as they kept walking “she’s awesome though.”

“Wait, did you know?!” Cole asked, looking at Kat.

“Don’t look at me, I was told to keep my pie hole shut.” she said and Dean smirked

“I’ll tell you later Cole.” he said

“Give me a name at least.” Cole said

Kat waited, wondering what he’d settled on.

“Barbara.” Dean said

“Nice.” Cole said and walked away. Kat and Dean walked in silence for a few steps and Kat pulled out her phone.

Barbara REALLY?! She texted Dean.

She heard his phone go off in his pocket. He waited until they got to the elevator to write back.

Yes, BARBARA. As in Barbara Gordon, aka Batgirl/ Oracle. Sue me (don’t actually sue me)

Kat shook her head as Dean summoned the elevator, she typed back.

Okay DICK Grayson, aka Robin/ Nightwing. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

He chuckled when he read the reply.

I’m not Nightwing, I’m Batman.

Kat rolled her eyes and wrote back as the elevator announced its arrival. They walked through with a few people following them and she hit send.

I’m not calling you Bruce. Master Wayne maybe ;)

Dean shot her a look when he read the last message and quickly replied.

.......and now I have a boner. Thanks a lot.

Feeling mischievous, she wrote back

Anything I can do to help you with that Master Wayne? ;D

Dean coughed, her reply catching him off guard. She smirked and watched as he squirmed and then typed out his reply.

NOT HELPING! If this elevator wasn’t full of people, I’d fuck you up against the wall.

Kat’s eyes went wide and she looked over at Dean who was smirking. Her cheeks flamed red as they came to the eleventh floor.

And *how* pray tell, would you do that? ;)

They walked out of the elevator and he replied

Jesus fucking Christ Katlynn, I don’t know what’s gotten into you but.....I love it.

She smirked and shot back

I’m full of surprises.

Clearly he wrote back almost instantly. They walked down the hallway toward the meeting rooms when Anna showed up. With long red hair, that was darker than Kat's and wide, brown eyes, she was a knock out for sure.

“Good morning Kat, Dean,” she said with a nod at each of them “we’re almost done getting set up in conference room A.”

“Thanks Anna.” Kat said, smiling at her

“Kat, you look like you’re glowing.” Anna commented.

Kat nervously tucked her hair behind her ear “Sorry, my boyfriend is sending me stupid texts and it’s making me laugh.” she lied smoothly.

“Aw, how sweet, what’re you guys doing tonight?” She asked.

“Me and her?” Dean asked, motioning to him and Kat.

“It isn’t all about you Dean, I meant her and her boyfriend.” Anna said with a laugh.

“Yeah Dean, Jesus, it isn’t all about you” Kat teased “I don’t know yet, he says it’s a surprise.”

Anna smiled gently “Sounds like quite the guy, what’s his name?” She asked

“Damian,” Kat answered automatically “Damian.”

Dean smirked and pulled his phone out of his pocket as they walked into the conference room.

“You guys pick a seat,” Anna said as other people were doing just the same thing around the large mahogany table “Kevin should be here in bit to finish setting up the projector.”

“Great,” Kat said as her phone went off. When she and Dean had picked a spot, she casually pulled out her phone and read Dean’s reply.

Cool name.

After lunch, Kat was sitting at her desk looking over some documents and answering the phone when she heard gasps and chatter. She looked up and saw what looked like a giant flower vase with legs coming toward her. Deliveries of flowers had been coming all day and Kat had been secretly envious all day. The one, however, was coming closer. It looked like he had stopped to ask someone a question, when the legs finally got going, they came to a stop near her desk.

“Katlynn Roberts?” The guy asked

Kat’s stomach felt like it had fallen out of her butt.

“Right-right here.” She stammered

The face of a skinny man with red hair appeared and walked over to her desk.

“Here you go,” he said and put the flowers down in front of her “Happy Valentine’s Day!”

“Thank you!” She said excitedly as heads popped out of cubicles to look at where the ruckus was coming from. Kat grabbed the card out of the flowers and read it.

Happy Valentine’s Day, hope it’s as amazing as you are. - D

Kat giggled to herself as she looked the flowers over. It was an arrangement of stargazer lilies and roses, her two favorite flowers. Kat’s cheeks turned as red as her hair when she saw all the pairs of eyeballs on her.

“Nice,” Cole said “from the boyfriend I’m guessing?”

She nodded, having trouble speaking.

“Kat, they’re beautiful!” Jody said as she seemed to appear before Kat’s eyes.

“He remembered,” she said, her eyes misting over “these are my favorite flowers and he remembered!”

Jody laughed

“I would hope so if that chuckle head wants to be anywhere near you later on.” she said

“You're a pervert you know that?” Kat asked and grinned. She pulled out her phone, took a picture and sent it to Dean.

These from you? She asked

Maybe ;) he replied

You are SO bad :D thank you!! She wrote back

You have NO idea! Glad you like them.

She went back to her emails and then replied to Dean

So....you were saying earlier? About fucking me in an elevator?

???? He wrote back

She quickly typed

Let me rephrase that, Master Wayne, you said you wanted to fuck me in an elevator? Up against the wall?

I remember :) he replied

And, how’re you gonna manage that?

She waited and he replied

Are we really doing this?

You can’t see me but I’m vigorously nodding.

He waited a few seconds before replying.

I’m more of a show than tell; get back to work ;)

“Nice to see you can multi-task.” a snide voice said.

Kat looked up and saw Lisa standing in front of her desk. Lisa had been reprimanded for her behavior at the fundraiser but her attitude toward Kat hadn't changed. If anything, she was more hostile than she ever had been.

“Can I help you?” Kat asked coolly, doing her best to act professional.

“Yeah,” Lisa said “you can have you boyfriend look over these documents and sign them.” Lisa said and dropped a stack of contracts on Kat's desk. Kat was seeing red, but bit her tongue.

“My boyfriend doesn't work here,” she answered “but I'll be sure to have DEAN look over these and sign them. You should have them in an hour or so.”

Lisa sneered and rolled her eyes

“Sure, thanks.” she snapped and walked away.  

That night, Kat had invited Dean to spend the night. She had put together lasagna the night before and as soon as she got home, she preheated the oven and set her flowers on the table. She checked to make sure the cupcakes she had made still looked okay (chocolate with pink vanilla frosting and heart shaped sprinkles) they did. She changed out of her work clothes and into a more comfortable outfit; a red shirt and black leggings. She tugged on her boot style slippers and tied her hair up into a high bun. Once the oven was preheated she unwrapped the lasagna and put it into the oven. She set the timer and checked her phone, no word from Dean yet. She quickly set the table, laying out plates and silverware. She decided to wait until he was on his way to light the candles she had gotten for the occasion. She poured herself a glass of wine and sat on the couch while she waited for him. She scrolled aimlessly on her phone for about thirty minutes before Dean finally texted.

10 mins out, sorry I’m running late!

She smiled

It’s okay, get here when you can :)

She answered

She got up, lit the candles and checked the lasagna. It smelled fantastic and the cheese was all nice and melted on the top. Pleased, she left the dish alone, finished off her first glass of wine and poured another.

A few minutes later, she got a knock at the door. She grinned, set down her phone and glass and went to open the door. Waiting for her was Dean, holding up a box wrapped in gold paper and tied with a pretty purple ribbon.

“What’s that?!” She asked excitedly as he walked in the door.

“Pay my delivery fee and you’ll find out.” he said, a mischievous grin crossing his face.

“All right, all right, what do I owe you good sir?” She asked, grinning

He leaned in and gave her a sweet kiss and she reciprocated. When it was over he handed her the box and she took it. Stamped in gold writing on the purple ribbon was the word “Godiva”

“No. Fucking. WAY!” She said and tore the ribbon and paper off the box. Inside it were the biggest chocolate covered strawberries she had ever seen.

“Jesus Christ, these things are the size of cat heads!” She exclaimed and he laughed

“I’ve never heard that expression but I’m gonna use that now.” he said, still laughing.

“How?!” She asked “I tried order some yesterday and they said they were out!”

“I called two WEEKS ago when my nosy assistant was out to lunch.” he said with a grin and kissed her again.

Kat rolled her eyes when they parted “I know for a FACT she isn’t nosy, just a little curious is all.” she said

“Okay, call it what you will.” he said with a shrug.

The timer for the lasagna went off and Kat scurried into the kitchen. She put the strawberries into the refrigerator and asked

“Babe, you want a beer?” Over her shoulder

“Sure,” he called back “gonna go out my stuff down.”

“Okie dokie!” She hollered back and grabbed a beer out of the fridge for him and shut it behind her. She shut off the timer for the lasagna and took it out of the oven. She set it to the side and then checked the temperature for the garlic bread. It was lower than what was needed for the lasagna, so she adjusted the oven’s temperature as Dean walked into the kitchen.

“It smells phenomenal in here!” he commented as she opened the beer for him and handed it to him.

“Just gotta bake the bread and we’ll be ready to eat.” she told him.

“Perfect,” He said “just enough time for you to open your other present”

Her mouth dropped open

“Dean Winchester, you are spoiling me rotten,” she told him “you even said it was stupid to give presents on Valentine’s Day!”

He shrugged

“YOU like it,” he reasoned “so I obliged.”

“Good, because I got you a present too.” she told him

“Trust me, dinner is enough.” he told her and kissed her temple. The oven beeped, signaling that it was ready for the garlic bread.

“Hold that thought.” she said and reached into the freezer.

Once the garlic bread was cooking, they walked into the dining area and on the table was a bag and a bottle of champagne next to her flowers.

“AND champagne?!” She asked excitedly “You sure do know how to make a girl feel special!” she told him, her cheeks flushing a pretty shade of pink.

“Special presents for a special lady.” he told her. She turned and grinned at him. She quickly kissed him and then took the tissue paper out of the bag. At the bottom as a medium sized square box. She fished the box out and opened it. Inside was a delicate necklace that had a crescent moon in the middle of it. Up the chain were the symbols used by each Sailor Scout from Sailor Moon on their transformation wands flanked by small pearls. Kat looked at the necklace and then at him and then back at the necklace, speechless. The excited and shocked look on her face and the tears welling up in her eyes were enough to let him know that she loved it. He stepped forward and gave her a big hug. She wrapped her arms around him, still unable to form words. When she looked up at him, she had tears on her cheeks.

“Thank you.” she managed to quietly say.

“You’re welcome baby.” he told her and kissed her. He helped her put the necklace on and then she handed him a box and said

“My gifts are lame compared to yours.” she said, blushing furiously.

“Nothing you give me is lame.” he insisted as he opened the box. Inside were three, smaller wrapped presents. The first was a bag of whiskey caramels that were topped with sea salt, the second was a small book she had made that was full of Chuck Norris jokes, but she'd put his name in it instead.

“Somewhere, somehow Dean Winchester is watching you.” he said as he flipped through the book, laughing.

The last present was a very nice set of silk ties she'd picked out. One was a deep royal blue while the other was a rich emerald green.

“The green one reminded me of you eye color.” she said sheepishly.

He grinned and kissed her sweetly.

“Thank you,” he said and kissed her again “these are all very thoughtful and I love them all.”

“Good, I'm glad.” she said and they kissed.

The timer for the garlic bread went off, she then grabbed it out of the oven, sliced it up, and proclaimed

“Soup’s up!”

They served themselves and then sat down at the table to eat. Dean dug in immediately and was blown away by how good it tasted.

“How long did it take you to make this?” He asked after swallowing the first bites he shoved into his mouth.

“It’s like two hours to prepare it I guess?” She ventured “because you have to cook the sausage, slice it, cook the noodles and cook the sauce. Then you gotta layer it, then cook it. Which is why I made it yesterday and cooked it today.”

He nodded, not able to get enough of the lasagna.

“This is,” Dean said as he swallowed another bite “awesome.”

“Good, glad you like it,” she told him “old family recipe.”

After dinner and popping the bottle of champagne, Kat got up from the table and said

“I have a minor request.”

“Shoot baby.” he told her

“It’s gonna sound silly and stupid, but I heard this song yesterday and it made me thing of us. Do you wanna hear it?”

He smiled and nodded

“I'd love to, and nothing you ask me is silly or stupid.” he told her.

She blushed as she opened her Spotify and searched for the song she wanted. When the acoustic guitar started Dean listened to the lyrics.

Elevator buttons and morning air, Strangers silence makes me want to take the stairs, If you were here we'd laugh about their vacant stares, But right now, My time is theirs.

She watched as an amused expression crossed his face and he nodded.

Seems like there's always Someone who disapproves, They'll judge it like they know about me and you, And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do, The jury's out, And my choice is you.

She observed his eyes soften and he kissed her temple.

So don't you worry your pretty little mind, People throw rocks at things that shine, And life makes love look hard, The stakes are high, The waters rough, But this love is ours.

With those lyrics, he got up and took her hand.

“What?” she asked as he tugged her into a standing position.

“This.” he said and twirled her around, making her laugh.

“What're you doing?” she asked

“Dancing with my girlfriend, that's what.” he said and pulled her close. Her heart instantly melted as she linked her hands together on the back of his neck while his hands held her hips and they started to sway.

You never know what people have up their sleeves, Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me, Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles, But I don't care, 'Cause right now you're mine

He rested his chin on the crown of her head and held her hips a little tighter.

And you say,

So don't you worry your pretty little mind, People throw rocks at things that shine, And life makes love look hard, The stakes are high, The water's rough, But this love is ours.

“You're sure this wasn't written about us?” he asked and she laughed.

“I'm reasonably sure.” she said and looked up at him. His eyes were shining as he let his hands roam up her back to to her cheeks where he held her face.

“You're so sweet,” he said as he pushed some of her hair out of her face “and good and kind.”

And it's not theirs to speculate, If it's wrong and, Your hands are tough but they are where, My belong in, I'll fight their doubt and give you faith with this song for you.

“You're mine Dean Winchester,” she told him “and I'm going to spend every day letting you know how special you are to me.”

He kissed her and when it ended he asked

“What did I do to get such a nice, sweet girl like you huh?”

She grinned

“Sweet? Yes. Nice? I'm not so sure about all that.” she told him and he hushed her.

“You are a nice girl; tough as nails and don't take shit, but you're still nice.” He told her.

'Cause I love the gap between your teeth, And I love the riddles that you speak, And any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored, 'Cause my heart is yours.

She sighed and laid her head against his chest as he hummed along with the rest of the song.

So don't you worry your pretty little mind, People throw rocks at things that shine, And life makes love look hard,

And don't you worry your pretty little mind, People throw rocks at things that shine, But they can't take what's ours, They can't take what's ours, The stakes are high, The water's rough, But this love is ours

“This love is ours.” she echoed and he pulled back from her.

“Yes,” he said as he kissed her “yes it is.”

“Wait, do you love me or something?” she asked as they feverishly kissed

“Yes,” he said as his hands went down her back and he picked her up, wrapping her legs around his waist “yes, I love you and or something.”

She wrapped her around around his neck and kissed him harder.

“I love you and or something too,” she said and he laughed through the kiss “take me to bed.”

“Yes ma'am.” he said and carried her back to her bedroom. Once they reached the bed, he sat down with her on his lap, grinding on him.

“Ah, fuck.” he moaned as she pushed him back against the pillows. She held his face in her hands and planted open mouth kisses all over his neck and jawline, rutting her cloth covered core against his denim clad bulge. She sat up a little bit, still grinding on him as she undid his belt and zipper. He bit his lip as she snaked her hand inside his underwear to grasp his length. He let out a moan as she slid down his body, freeing his cock from his underwear and taking it into her mouth.

“Fuck,” he gasped as she took as much as she could into her mouth, she hollowed out her cheeks and twisted him as she sucked “FUCK!” he cried out as she did this. His hips met her rhythm as she bobbed her head up and down. Every sense in his body was going haywire as she took her hands off him and then took his hands. She placed them on either side of her head, placing him firmly in the driver's seat. He thrust down her throat, moaning as she swirled her tongue around his length.

“Ah, AH!” he cried as she sucked harder and increased her speed. He felt his eyes roll back into his head, the pleasure curling up and down his spine as his fingers snarled in her hair, creating knots. “Yes, yes.” he moaned out and then let go inside her mouth as he let out a cry. He breathed hard as she picked her head up, wiping the corners of her mouth.

“Is it bad that I've pictured you doing that under my desk more than once?” he asked breathlessly, making her laugh.

“I'm sure you've pictured doing all sorts of naughty things with me all over that office.” she said with a smirk as she kissed up his body “Because I've thought about the same things.”

She quickly removed his shirt, kissing and biting up his bare torso.

“Fuck, you're gonna kill me if you keep doing that.” he moaned as she made her way up to his chest and neck.

“You love it.” she chided as she kissed the base of his neck, her tongue gliding over the hollow of his throat.

“Ah god sweetheart, you are frisky today.” he commented as she gently bit his ear. She giggled and looked at him

“I have a drop dead sexy man in my bed, of course I'm frisky.” she said as she ran her fingers through his hair.

“You think I'm drop dead sexy?” he asked as they kissed and she nodded.

“Drop dead, drool worthy, men's magazine cover sexy.” she told him and he laughed “What? You asked!”

“I know, I just didn't expect all this flattery.” he said as they kissed. He rolled so that she was on her back. She took her shirt off and pitched it to the side, showing off a dark red bra with a black lace overlay that made him growl in appreciation.

“Mh, where did this come from?” he asked as she slid a strap down and off her shoulder.

“Oh, just something I picked up on my lunch break the other day.” she said nonchalantly.

“Really?” he asked “What else do you have on for me under here?” he asked, his hands on her hips.

“Mh,” she said as they kissed “take them off and you'll find out.”

He wriggled her out of her pants and saw the scraps of fabric that was reaching to be called panties.

“Jesus,” he said and attacked her mouth with kisses “I'm one lucky fucker.”

“I have matching heels too.” she told him.

“You do?” he asked and she nodded “You'll have to show me those later, right now, you look good enough to eat.”

He slowly kissed and licked down her body, sending pleasure roaring through her body. She moaned his name over and over as he slid her panties down and off of her, pitching them to the side. He settled on his stomach, putting both of her legs over his shoulders as he kissed up the inside of her legs. She squirmed below him as he reached her core, his tongue licking a thick stripe up her entire slit as she gasped.

“Dean, oh god, Dean!” she moaned as he added his lips into the mix, sucking on her clit as his tongue drew zigzag patterns up and down her. She arched her back, her nails digging into her pillow as she cried out. It felt like he was devouring every inch that she had to offer, he sucked and licked on everything that he could get to, lapping up every bit of juice she was giving him. She cried out for him, God and incoherently as her toes curled. She thrust her hips up into his mouth as he sucked her clit hard, making her whine.

“DEAN!” she moaned “Oh my-fuck!-my GOD Dean!”

He pushed two finger into her, easily found the rough patch inside her and made the “come here” motion against it. Her vision seemed to go white as he did this, she cried out and with another hook of his fingers, she fell apart under him, crying out his name loudly. Her legs fell open as he kissed back up over over electrified body. It felt like being drunk and high all at the same time as he kissed her, laving her mouth with lazy kisses.  Dean crawled up her body, leaving her skin with kisses as she moaned below him.

“Can’t be sated can you?” She asked as he wriggled out of his jeans.

He shook his head to this comment

“Not when my assistant runs around in these tight skirts that show off her hot ass.” He says.

“She sounds mean.” Kat said with a smile.

“She is,” Dean said “especially when she KNOWS how much I love cracking my hand across her ass.”

Just laughed

“You’re ravenous,” She chided “And a pervert. That’s what you think about at work?”

“No,” he said as he lined himself up “I get my job done and then the rest of the time is spent wondering what I’m going to do when I get you all to myself.”

She let out a laugh, which quickly turned into a moan as he pushed inside her. He started to move, his cock hitting every spot she could think of as he thrust into her.

“Oh god, Dean!” Kat cried out as she dug her nails into his back and shoulders

“That’s it sweetheart,” he said “tell me, let me hear you.”

All she could do was hold on and moan as he fucked into her, his skin slapping against hers in the most obscene and delicious way.

“I love, fuck I love-OH FUCK-I love you!” She cried out.

“Love you too” he managed to get out “Fuck, I’m gonna come!”

“Come for me Dean,” she told him “come for me handsome.”

He groaned, letting go inside her and painting her walls white with his spendings.

Some time later, Dean had fallen asleep, his head against her heart. She stroked his hair as she drifted off.

“I love you.” She said quietly to Dean who didn’t respond.

~*~*~*~*~*~

On Monday, Kat arrived before Dean, as usual. This particular day was jam packed with meetings and calls so Dean would be occupied for the majority of the day. She made sure he had all the materials he would need to get the day started and that her email was open and ready to go. Just before Dean was due in, Lisa stopped by Kat’s desk.

“I got the forms signed by Dean like you asked,” she told Lisa “the only one he didn’t sign was the bottom one and he wants legal to take a look at that before he does it.”

“What?” Lisa asked “Why?”

“He said he has a problem with some of the verbiage and we have a meeting to discuss that in a couple of hours.” Kat explained.

Lisa rolled her eyes and said

“Tell him just go sign it and not worry about it.”

Kat told her “He’s a grown man and if he isn’t comfortable signing his name to something, then he doesn't have to.”

Lisa looked angry and swiped the documents off of Kat’s desk.

“Fine. If you won’t do you job, I WILL.” She hissed and marched toward the door. Kat quickly got up and placed herself between Lisa and the door.

“Out of my way.” Lisa said

“No.” Kat said “If that door is closed, no one goes in without an appointment. Period.”

“Just get out of my way you stupid slut!” Loss yelled.

Kat was enraged, she imagined cracking Lisa’s skull on the corner of her desk as she clenched her jaw.

“You can leave now.” Kat said firmly.

“Oh? Are you gonna make me?” Lisa asked, even though Kat was in heels, Lisa easily had the height advantage over her.

“No, but I will.” A voice behind them said. They both turned and saw Gabriel standing there with Anael.

“Lisa, I want to see you in my office.” Gabriel said “Now.”

Lisa threw the folders down, scattering paper everywhere as she stomped towards Gabriel’s office as Dean walked in on the scene. What he saw made him immediately angry, Lisa stomping off with Gabriel hot on her heels as Anael and Kat were picking up scattered papers.

“What the hell?” He asked as Anael helped Kat pick up the documents.

“Don’t ask.” Anael said as she caught a glimpse of Kat’s face. She was doing her best to hold back tears of anger and frustration as she gathered up the things. In the end, Dean helped her up as she shook. He took her and Anael into his office and asked

“What happened?” As he snapped the door shut.

Anael told the story as Kat looked at the floor. This was her second incident in less than a year. First Bruce and now Lisa? She mentally packed up all of her things in her desk as Dead cleared his throat.

“Anael, give us a second.” Dean said.

Anael nodded and left Dean’s office as he stood in front of his desk, looking at Kat.

“Is that what happened?” Dean asked softly.

Kat nodded, tears brimming in her eyes.

“I can understand if you don’t want me here any more.” Kat said as she blinked, tears hitting her skirt.

Dean tutted and said

“Katlynn, please look at me.” She did and saw the pain etched into his features. “I’m sorry I can’t defend you the way I want to,” He told her “but please believe me when I tell you I’d be lost without you. No one has ever been as good as you are, not even Charlie.”

“You mean that?” She asked and he nodded.

“Every single word.” He said “Go take a second, get yourself together and we’ll finish the day okay?” She nodded as stood as he grabbed her elbow, pulling her close. “Take all the time you need okay? I’ll be fine.”

She looked up at him and nodded, gently pulling her elbow from him.

After taking a few minutes to clean herself up in the bathroom, Kat returned to her desk, answering the phone as usual.  After his meetings; a G-Chat message from Dean came up.

Hey, I’m headed out early today; you can leave early too. Start fresh tomorrow, okay?

Kat eagerly wrote back.

Okay, have a good night.

And logged out of her computer.

She waited a long while before a knock came at her door. She threw it open and Dean strode through, wrapping her into his arms tightly.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured in her hair as he kicked the door shut “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“It’s not you,” She told him “she’s nuts.”

“I know,” he said as he stroked her hair and kissed her “but it’s my fault you’re in this and that she’s on you like white on rice. I can’t tell her to fuck off because if she tells Gabriel or Dmitri about us, we’re fucked.”

“She doesn’t have any proof.” Kat pointed out.

“And she won’t stop until she does.” Dean said and clutched her tightly. They stood in her entry way for a long time, just holding one another. He pulled back from her and kissed her hard.

“You’re so amazing and beautiful,” he murmured against her mouth “please.”

“Please what?” She asked as she pulled back. He steadily held her gaze, biting his lower lip and then pressing his forehead to hers.

“Don’t leave,” he quietly begged “please don’t leave. I know you said you didn’t want drama and you didn’t sign up for this-“

She pressed a finger to his mouth

“You’re right,” she told him “I don’t want drama and I didn’t sign up for it. But I can’t fight what I feel for you.” He smiled against her finger as she went on “I care about you and nothing that scum sucking, slut faced, hoe-bag says about you is gonna change that.”

He laughed and kissed her as he tugged her back to her bedroom.

“Dean, I’m really not in the mood.” She told him

“No, I just wanna hold you.” He told her.

They stripped out of their work clothes and crawled into bed together, her head laid against his chest while his arms wrapped around her tightly. He gently kissed the crown of her head, his fingers running through her hair as she let out a sigh. His other hand ran up and down her spine, curling ever so gently at the base and then back up again toward her neck. He gently traced the outline of her tattoo and quietly asked

“How long did this take?”

“Spread out over a couple of days.” She said in a sleepy tone “nearly passed out when he got that needle on my ribs.”

He laughed and kissed her forehead, his hands gently working over her back and warming her skin. She placed a sweet kiss on his chest, her fingertips tracing the planes of his chest and stomach. His muscles danced under her soothing touch as he let out a relaxed sigh.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured again “you shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

She let out a breath and then looked up at him.

“We couldn’t have known this was coming,” she simply said “but we’re gonna do what couples do. Work though it together.”

“You’re sure?” He asked, half of him needing the reassurance and the other half needed to know she was okay.

She nodded and smiled

“I’m 100 percent positive.” She told him and laced her fingers through his “You’re the only one I want Dean.”

Relief flooded he system as he kissed her hard.

“You’re too good for me you know?” He asked “I don’t know what I did to get you, but I’m glad it happened.”

She gave him a sweet peck on the lips and told him

“I have low standards and Daddy issues so that works in your favor.”

He laughed at this and kissed her again, rolling her on to her back.

“Low standards and Daddy issues huh?” He asked when the kiss was over and she laughed.

“Self deprecating humor,” she said dismissively and held his face in her hand “get used to it.”

“Noted.” He said, his hand sliding down to her hip and holding it in place as they kissed again. Her tongue found its way into his mouth and it gently moved with his as he gripped her skin. He moaned and then sucked on her tongue, leaving her breathless as he did so.

“Dean!” she sighed when the kiss ended, his thumb running over her hip bone. He settled between her legs, her core pulsing at the thought of him inside her. She wrapped her legs around his waist.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hope you guys enjoyed that!! Kind feedback is always VERY much appreciated, all my tag lists and boxes are open, so feel free to send me an ask or a message if you want!

The Squad:

@waywardbaby @waywardnerd67 @familybusinesswritingbro @ain-t-bovvered @mrswhozeewhatsis @girlborninstorms @dacleverfox @emoryhemsworth @bobasheebaby @deanscarlett @myinconnelly1 @mogaruke @imma-winchester-addict​ @purpleskiesandcherrypies​ @dean-winchesters-bacon​ @animerose96​ @coffee-n-fanfiction​ @drakelover78​ @curly-haired-disaster​ @roonyxx​ @snffbeebee​ @ezilyamuzed​ @mirandaaustin93​ @srsllydunnodoncare​ @latetothewinchesterparty​ @emilyshurley​ @atc74​ @midnightsilverafterdark​ @adoptdontshoppets​ @biawol​ @supernatural-teamfreewillpage​ @spaceystacey123​ @bella-ca​ @clo-heda​ @closetspngirl​ @thekatherinewinchester​ @maddiepants​ @idreamofplaid

[chungledown-bimothy]

Trust Me: Chapter 6

I’m so sorry it too so long- for some reason, I just couldn’t get into Virgil’s head for this one. Thank you so much for your patience <3 

Chapter 1 Chapter 5 AO3 Chapter 7

Warnings: swearing, mention of death/funerals, brief mention of homophobia (it’s as fluffy as this one’s gonna get, y’all)

Word Count: 2023

Tag List: @ccecode​ @emo-sanders-sides-loving-unicorn​ @ren-allen​ @ilovemygaydad​ @bloodropsblog​ @funsizedgremlin​ @raygelkitty​ @roxiefox23​ @thomasthesandersengine​ @spookyingarbageisland​ @band-be-boss-blog​

Thursday

Virgil stared at the empty conversation for what felt the millionth time, trying to find the right words. Fuck it. I need to just do this. Like a bandaid. I can do this.

[To:Patton]- Hey Patton, this is Virgil.

[To:Patton]- From your coffee shop the other day.

Fuck, that was bad. Well, there's nothing I can do about it now. He opened the case files he brought home to review, trying to distract himself, but gave up after about 10 minutes and started watching The Office for the fifteenth time. He was three episodes in when his phone went off.

[Patton]- Hi!! I hope this doesn't come across as pushy or anything, but do you wanna go out sometime? I'm really bad at communicating through text, and I think you're really cute

[Virgil<3]- it totally doesn't. Yeah, I'd love to meet up. What are you up to on Saturday?

[Patton]- Going to the de Young with you, hopefully? I have a membership

[Virgil<3]- That would be amazing!! I've been dying to go see the Monet exhibition.

[Patton]- Me too! I'll pick you up at noon on Saturday, then?

[Virgil<3]- Sounds great!

[Patton]- I can't wait! I guess I don't need to ask where you live lol

[Virgil<3]- haha yeah I guess not. I'll see you then :)

Virgil put his phone down and took a deep breath. Holy SHIT am I really doing this?? Patton's so cute, but I'm a mess. But it's Monet at the de Young, and Patton seems so… good. Like, too good for me. God, I'm really good fuck this up, aren't I?

[Patton]- Take a deep breath; it's gonna be great. There's absolutely no need to worry :)

… Holy fuck I'm so gay. Patton had attached a selfie with a huge smile and a thumbs-up.

-

Saturday

Taking a deep breath, Virgil looked in the mirror and adjusted his tie. He didn't even wear ties to work, but a date to see Monet's works in person deserved better than his everyday work attire, let alone his usual weekend outfit of a t-shirt, an old hoodie with purple plaid patches, and black jeans. He tried not to think about the last time he wore the black tie, but he couldn't shut the train of thought off fast enough.

-

It's raining. Of course it is. He loved the rain so much; it's only fitting it's raining when we have to say goodbye.

"He'd hate that we're all here being sad, you know. He'd say we were being lame and that he deserves something more fabulous. He'd also be pissed that I'm talking to you, not him, at an event about him, even if it is his funeral. So, Remy, you dramatic, self-absorbed ass, I'm standing in front of all of these people, and I'm gonna talk to just you.

First of all, I'm more sorry than I can say. You told me he would be willing to break his rules, and I didn't trust you. You were always right, and I hated that. If you were here, you'd tell me to shut the fuck up and say that I know I love you. I absolutely and completely love you. And that's why it kills me that I couldn't protect you. You weren't just my partner, you were my best friend, and I failed at the absolute minimum. God, Remy, you deserved so much better. I'm sorry I couldn't be better.

But fuck this melancholy shit. You told me once that you wanted to put the 'fun' in funeral. So, everybody," Virgil continued, addressing the crowd again, "as Remy said so often, 'let's cut the shit and drink'. Scandals downtown is ready and waiting for us to fuck shit up in his memory."

-

Coming back to the present, Virgil wiped the tear from his cheek and rolled up the sleeves of his purple dress shirt. Patton's gonna be here any minute; I need to finish getting ready.

Before he knew it, there was a knock at the door. He took a deep breath and was glad he did when he opened the door and briefly forgot how to breathe, because standing there on his doorstep was 5 feet and 7 inches of the most beauty Virgil had ever seen in one person. Patton wasn't the most conventionally attractive- whereas society as a whole prized hard lines and defined muscles, Patton was soft lines and the kindest eyes imaginable. Virgil couldn't explain why, but Patton exuded kindness and trustworthiness. He didn't realize he'd been staring until the sound of a throat clearing startled him.

"Oh, um, I was staring, huh?" Virgil asked, embarrassed.

Patton nodded, blushing. "Yeah, but I was too. You look really good."

"Thanks, you do too, but I guess you already knew that I feel that way." In his efforts to avoid eye contact, Virgil noticed the pin on Patton's shirt- simply reading 'they/them'. "Are those your pronouns?"

"Yeah, they are." Patton's posture immediately shifted- standing straighter and narrowing their eyes. "Is that a problem?"

"Not in the slightest." He smiled when Patton visibly relaxed, their megawatt smile returning in full force.

"Wonderful! Now, let's go see some art almost as beautiful as you. I'll drive." Patton winked and started walking. It took Virgil a second to remember how to breathe, let alone move, but he quickly caught up once he did. He stopped short again when he saw their car- a classic black VW Beetle in perfect condition.

"Holy shit, Patton. Your car is gorgeous."

"Oh my goodness thank you! She was my dad's."

"Like I said, it's- she's beautiful. Maintenance must be a nightmare, though. What year is she?"

"1955. Maintenance isn't that bad- my dad taught me how to keep her in shape after I came out in high school. He thought getting my hands dirty would turn me into 'a real man'."

"Shit, I'm sorry, Pat." They shrugged.

"It's no big deal. Joke's on him- I'm still queer as hell, but now I can keep this beauty in good shape. Get in! She's old, but she won't bite!" Laughing, Virgil got in the car, and they left for the museum.

-

"Monet was a founder of Impressionism as a counterpoint to Realism, which had been popular for about ten years before Impressionism started developing and twenty-four years before the term Impressionism was first used.

Realism grew in popularity with the rise of photography; artists wanted their works to look objectively real, and strove to remove emotion. They largely focused on the working class and depicted life as it was, without any sentimentality or heroism.

Monet never really bought into that. His early works works, though chronologically in the Realism era, were always painted with intense emotion, and he rarely painted people. He began playing with the concept that what we understand of reality is just our perception, and he was far from alone in those thoughts. Marx held that belief as well, going further and saying that all we have in our minds are ideologies, not facts or truths, and they act as filters, shaping everything we experience.

Rousseau died two centuries before the rise of Impressionism, but he summed up the philosophy well when he said 'I feel before I think'. Monet's paintings, while indistinct and 'messy' up close, evoke strong emotion only when one looks at the piece as a whole. We feel it before we get close enough to see and think about what it's really made of." Strictly speaking, Virgil didn't need to be speaking softly into Patton's ear with his hand on their waist, standing so closely behind them that he could feel the movement of their chest with each breath. Neither of them, however, would ever dream of complaining.

Patton reluctantly stepped out of Virgil's embrace and turned to look at him in awe. "That's incredible, Virgil. How do you know all that?"

"Oh, um, thanks. I really like art philosophy, and Monet is my favorite artist. I dunno, something about making order out of chaos is really calming."

"I feel the same way! Life is sorta like a puzzle, or Monet's brush strokes. Each one, taken individually, doesn't make much sense. We all feel and experience things like that, things that are confusing or sometimes even scary. But as we keep going, we find more and more pieces, and things make more and more sense. Feeling like a half-missing puzzle set is okay, as long as we remember the big picture. If any of that makes sense." Patton chuckled nervously, scratching behind his ear.

"No, it made perfect sense. What would you say the big picture is?"

"Well, I'd say it's doing as much good as possible. Whether it's big things, like being a doctor, firefighter, or teacher, like my brother, or small things, like putting a smile on someone's face with a pun or a good cup of coffee. It's our duty as people to make the world around us a better place, however we can."

"That's a really beautiful way of looking at things, Patton." Virgil gave them a small smile. He started to say more, but he was interrupted by the growling of his stomach. "Oh, shit. I was so nervous this morning, I forgot to eat. Wanna go to the cafe and get lunch? My treat, since you still haven't let me pay you back for the coffee."

"I told you, it was a gift! And don't think for a second that I didn't notice that you tipped almost triple what you would have paid if I had charged you." Their smirk was only slightly lessened by the fact that they had to tilt their head back slightly to make eye contact.

"You got me there, but I'm still buying. No, stop that- no amount of puppy dog eyes can change my mind."

"Well, you can't blame a guy for trying." Patton shrugged. "Alright, let's go get some food. You're already almost alarmingly skinny- if we don't get some food in you, you might disappear altogether." Patton started walking backwards towards the cafe, not breaking eye contact.

"Hey! I'm a perfectly normal weight for my height." Virgil started walking too, shaking his head.

"Which is what, 6'3? You need to eat more than the average person, not less. Skipping meals isn't good for you, kiddo."

"I know that. You're just really cute, and I got nervous," he admitted, blushing.

"Flattery will get you everywhere. Now come on, let's eat." They winked before turning around and skipping away. Virgil followed, completely smitten.

------------------------------

"Mr. Dean, a minute?" Logan called after his least favorite student. It was almost 7 pm- students on campus at this hour outside of football season was unheard of, and the last game of the season was weeks ago.

"Greetings and salutations, Mr. Reed. It's JD, though. Mr. Dean is my father." He sauntered to Logan, disdain clear on his face. Logan couldn't be sure if it was towards himself, Mr. Dean, or both.

"Yes, erm, JD, what are you doing on campus so late? Your attendance record in my class alone indicates a disinclination towards being here during school hours, let alone so late."

"That's just the thing, Mr. Reed. No one wants me to be here now."

"Ah, I see. A contrarian. It's not safe to be out here alone, however. The sun set hours ago, and there's a killer on the loose, if the news is to be believed. Come with me, I'll drive you home."

"Thanks, sir, but I'm fine. I'm a fighter, you see. Let the bastard come after me- it'll be the last mistake he ever makes."

"Save the bravado for your peers. I will not take no for an answer- if anything happened to you, it would be on my conscience. My car is in the parking lot. Go." Logan commanded.

"If you insist." He gave a mocking bow before turning away from Logan and walking to the car. If he turned back around, he would have seen a cold, malicious smile spread across his teacher's face. He didn't turn around.

[lolainblue]

Phoenix - Chapter 18

  “Wake the fuck up, Shan.”    Jared gave the end of the bed a hard kick and then went to open the heavy hotel drapes, letting in way more sunlight than I was ready for. A morning like a thousand others unfurled ahead of me. My brain hadn't engaged yet, and even though something tickled at the back of it like a firefly struggling in a Mason jar, I grabbed the nearest pillow and shielded my face.   “Shannon, why the fuck did you pass out in my room last night?” 

   Jared sounded irritated, and the little firefly hurried its wings, furiously bumping against the glass. There was a thick coating on my mouth and tongue and my nose and eyes burned. I took the pillow away from my face and went to sit up but the room lurched and my head pounded, so I laid back down with a groan. I tried to reach through the fog of my memory to figure out why I felt like this but there was nothing. What the fuck had I done last night? Why?    Jared started digging through his things and tossing them around the room, making as much noise as possible and swearing at me under his breath the entire time. That wasn't new either, but that tickle wouldn't go away.    “If I was here last night, where were you?” I mumbled into the pillow on my face.    “What?” Jared yanked the pillow away and I blinked at him before fumbling fruitlessly at the bedside table, hoping for a pair of shades.    “If I was here last night, then where were you?” I repeated.    Jared growled. “You know where I was. What the fuck is wrong with you?”   I turned that over in my head for a moment. Did I know? I thought back to the last thing I could remember clearly, which was Jared telling me he wouldn't be having dinner with the rest of us because...    The little firefly fell into an exhausted heap on the sterile bottom of the mason jar. Jane. Jane was here. Jane was here to be with Jared.    Things started falling quickly into place after that. I knew I had told him I didn't want to see them together but that was months ago. I had to get over it sooner or later and I'd done a good job of putting her out of my mind before she showed up at that party. I should be able to do it again, right? But that was a lot different than having her show up and date my brother. So I had dealt with it the way I dealt with any other complex emotion, which was to say, like an irresponsible, self-destructive, idiot. I had grumbled and told him it was fine then ran off to get completely bombed.    Snippets of the previous evening filtered in like photographs from a crime scene. I had decided it was time to get back on the horse, so I'd gone out and find myself two. Women that is. Someone pointed me at a club that a lot of models hung out in, and I hooked a pair pretty much as soon as I walked through the door and started throwing money around. They were gorgeous and eager, and only one of them spoke a word of English. The other one had just whispered and giggled into her friend's ear all evening. I'd have ditched English Speaking Girl if she hadn't been the one doing the translating, she had the personality of wet sponge cake, but the giggling one was sort of adorable and so I had ridden out the evening. Besides, Giggly Girl had a truly spectacular pair of tits that I couldn't wait to see bouncing on top of me, so I had persevered.    I don't think I actually intended to end up with both of them, I think I had just meant to keep my options open. The actual chain of events was a little blurry, but Annoying Friend met up with This Guy She Knew and the next thing I knew the drinks had been upgraded to a powder I hadn't even bothered to ask the identity of, and then things went from hazy to melt-y. We'd later smoked something together that, to my growing distress, I highly doubted was either nicotine or weed, oh god what the fuck did I  do last night and then the only other thing I could clearly remember was a lot of naked girl flesh and the reason I had crawled in here at the crack of dawn. The girls were still passed out in my bed.    “Fuuuuuck,” I groaned, rolling over and slithering to the side of the bed. “What time is it?” I needed to get back to get rid of the girls and drink all the coffee I could find, followed by a bath in an entire hotel's worth of hot water.      “It's a little before ten. You've got about an hour and a half before we have to be at the radio station. Take a fucking shower first. You smell like an old gym bag.”    Jesus, this day was shaping up spectacularly. I excused myself with an indistinct grumble and stumbled back to my own room, praying every step of the way. I absolutely had to get myself together. Not only would Jared shit the bed if he found out what I had been up to last night, but I couldn't face Jane this way. I couldn't let her see me like this.    I figured the girls would still be asleep when I got back to my room but instead, Giggly Girl was sitting in the middle of my bed, playing with her phone. The bed had been stripped of what I presumed were the dirtiest of the sheets, and they lay in a pile at its foot. My visitor had straightened the rest of it and apparently showered and changed at some point. Considering the night we had she was impossibly fresh-faced and composed. I looked around for her companion, thinking perhaps she was in the bathroom but I found no one there when I checked.    “Uh... where's your friend?” I said slowly, hoping the words were simple enough the girl could pick out the meaning. “Amica?” I added hopefully.  The girl smiled and stood up, and I wondered why on earth I had been so fixated on her tits. I mean yeah, they really were amazing, perfectly shaped and gravity-defying in a way that natural ones rarely are, but the rest of her was spectacular too. She was leggy and athletic, probably an inch taller than me, with dark hair, a dazzling smile, and that beautiful light olive Mediterranean complexion that Italian girls seemed to always be gifted with. I had definitely chosen well last night. Too bad I couldn't remember most of it.    The girl had been making a phone call while I took her in and when it went through she handed it to me. “Uh, hello?” I said uncertainly into the receiver.    “Hey, Shannon,” came an accented voice on the other end that I recognized as the friend from last night. “I had to go to work today, but Viola is really into you and she wanted to hang out. I'll be back to meet up with her in time for the show.”   What? My brain screamed. I cannot have some random girl with me today... “No. No, that's not okay. I have things to do before the show,” I protested.   “Yeah, yeah, your ex. We know.” Oh fucking Christ, Shannon, what the hell did you tell them? “Sorry. I can't get back before then. You'll have to work it out with her. Ciao.”    The line went dead and I looked at Giggly Girl, or rather Viola. Her dark eyes blinked at me expectantly, and she looked so earnest. Inexplicably, I didn't want to let her down. She was having the strangest effect on me, like a puppy that was somehow at the same time crazy hot. I wished I could actually talk to her.    Hell, maybe having someone on my arm when I saw Jane again wasn't the worst idea. “Fine,” I said. “But you'll have to wait here while I got to an interview.”    Viola nodded, much to my surprise, and then pointed at the floor with a smile.    “You understood that?” She nodded again. “You understand but don't speak English then?”    “A little. Slow,” Viola said haltingly, her accent thick as she struggled with the two words. I could understand that level of language competency. I was the same way with French. I had been around it enough that if you spoke to me slowly I could get the general gist of what you were saying but I couldn't begin to form a sentence.    “Okay. Good. You'll stay with me when I come back?” I added in descriptive gestures as I went, walking with my fingers and pointing at the floor, and Viola smiled brightly as she gave me a vigorous nod of her head in return.    “Sì, certo!”    Well, this was going to be fun. “Okay then. I'm just going to grab a shower, then we'll order some coffee and get you breakfast.”    The bathroom was equipped with a multi-head shower system, and I stood under the hot flow until I thought my skin would start to peel. When I returned to the bedroom with a towel around my hips, I saw to my delight that Viola had apparently misunderstood me. There was a tray from room service waiting and the rich smell of hot Italian coffee tickled my nose. I kissed her on the cheek and she beamed back at me.    There were some fruits and pastries, sausages and few hard-boiled eggs. Not exactly the best hangover remedy but I was grateful for anything at that point. I quickly slipped on some pants, then I made a plate and sat down at the small hotel table across from Viola. She poured herself some black coffee and took a single strawberry, which she rolled between her fingers while simultaneously tapping away at her phone. After a few minutes, she thrust the phone at me.    I looked at the screen to see she had been typing away in Google Translate. She thanked me for letting her stay, then asked how long I would be gone and when we would see, “the girl”. I swallowed hard before typing my answer.    “I don't know,” I said as I handed the phone back to her, needing to say thing out loud even though I knew she didn't really understand. “I have to do a radio show, we're usually on the air for an hour or two with those. We should be back for lunch, then we'll have a little free time before we have to leave for sound check. I don't know when Jane is going to be here. Jared didn't tell me.”    Viola frowned at the screen. She popped the strawberry into her mouth, typed out a few sentences, then handed the phone back to me. As soon as her hands were free she pulled the utterly unscathed strawberry back out of her mouth and resumed rolling it between her fingers. It was odd, but considering she was probably a model, I didn't comment. I had seen enough weird eating habits out of models by now to know better than to say anything.   “I will stay until you return. Maybe nap. Long night.”   Long night was right. I could have slept through until tomorrow if I didn't have any other obligations. I considered it briefly anyway. Might have been worth it to see the fit Jared would have pitched, but then I thought of him running straight to Jane to bitch about it and I sobered up pretty fucking quick. I'd do the damn publicity bit.   The show ran a lot longer than I anticipated and it was nearly three in the afternoon before we returned to the hotel. Emma went to arrange tables for us at the in-house restaurant and I went upstairs to retrieve Viola. She was sound asleep on top of my freshly made bed, dark hair fanned across her face and pooling on the pale green bedspread underneath her. I felt another inexplicable wave of affection as I gently prodded her shoulder to wake her. She greeted me with a sleepy smile and I marveled at how she could wake up in such a good mood. Her disposition was sunny, but not in an annoying, perky sort of way, but more like chill and open. She was probably even better company if you spoke her language.    I was just thanking my lucky stars for the so far relatively Jane-free day when I spotted her, sitting at the table and chatting away with Tomo. That made sense, the two of them had gotten on famously when she had been with us before, and he was probably enjoying seeing her again. I put my hand at Viola's waist and steered her toward the table.   “Where's Jared?” I asked when I realized that Jane was there without him.    “He forgot something in the room,” Jane said, not even turning to look at me. “And hello, Shannon.”    I started to apologize when Viola said, haltingly, “Jane?”   Jane looked up, startled. “Viola?”    What followed was a rapid stream of Italian, which apparently Jane spoke fluently. I was as bewildered as I was mortified until I began to connect the dots. Roger. The models Jane had said she had made friends with. I wondered how many of my conquests these last few years had been friends of hers? I needed to stop fucking models.    “So, uh... you two know each other?” It was obvious, but I didn't know what else to say at that point. I was just desperate to stop the stream of Italian passing rapidly back and forth between the two of them.    “Yes. I used to hang out with Viola's older sister,” Jane explained.   Viola sat herself down next to Jane and I took a very uncomfortable seat next to Viola. I looked across the table to see Tomo fighting to keep a straight face. I let them chatter on for a moment, but when they began looking at each other then at me, I tried again to derail whatever was happening.    “So, I didn't know you spoke Italian.”    Jane seemed to take a breath before answering me. “Yes. I spent a lot of time in St. Moritz.” `   I digested that and then connected some more dots. “Oh yeah. You said Angus's family had a place there.” I didn't want to be the only one suffering in ex-hell right now, but I stopped short of asking how Angus was. I had promised not to be a dick this time, and really, I didn't want to hurt Jane any more than I already had. I figured a little dig would put us both on even footing. After all, that was where Angus had been hiding out, fucking air headed socialites while Jane thought he was hard at work in South Korea. A mention was probably more than enough.    Jane nodded and Viola asked her something and pointed at me.    “Shannon, Viola wants to know why we broke up and why you are so anxious to see me again. What should I tell her?”    “Jane, please...”   Jane shook her head and her expression softened. “It's all right, Shannon. I've got this.”    I don't know what she said to Viola, but it was long, and Viola listened intently before nodding her head, her expression sad. There was a little more back and forth while I squirmed and waited for someone to call me a name or throw something at me but nothing happened. The girls just continued to nod at each other soberly while casting me occasional glances. When Jane pointed at the hostess and they both nodded resolutely I finally snapped.    “Oh, for fuck's sake, will someone please tell me what is being said?”    The girls stopped instantly but said nothing. Instead, to my surprise, Viola put her hand over mine and kissed my cheek.    “Hey, what's going on?”    Jared's uncanny sense of timing had apparently activated and he slid into his seat, putting his arm around Jane and giving her a quick kiss. “Did anyone order yet? Who's your friend, Jane?”    I gave a sigh of the exhaustion I felt all the way into my soul. “She's...”   “Actually Shannon's date, but her sister and I use to hang out together when I was in Milan with Roger. Viola came along a few times. It's very nice to see her again.” Jane's voice was pleasant but she wasn't looking at me and I couldn't get a read on any of this. My stomach lurched, whether from the situation or after effects of last nights escapades, and I reached for the goblet of water on the table and downed most of it as I tried to think of a way out of this that didn't just get me in deeper shit. I decided it was probably best if I just shut up and ate.    I ended up tearing through a steak, my body desperate to replenish whatever I had run out of it the night before. Jane and Viola both ordered salads, but Jane got hers with grilled chicken and a bowl and soup and she ate all of it. Viola got hers with no dressing and ordered a bowl of clear broth, which she drank half of while she rearranged lettuce leaves on her plate.    We're going to have to have a talk about that if we're going to... Going to what, brain? Was I seriously considering seeing her again? Was I actually contemplating a relationship with someone who didn't even speak the same language as me? I told myself I was crazy but then Viola looked at me again and gave me that damn gentle, uncomplicated smile and I stopped.   It wasn't as if Viola had my undivided attention either. I had caught myself staring at Jane as she spoke, laughing while she caught up with Tomo, telling Jared about some crazy thing Roger had done, her delicate hands painting circles in the air. I was fascinated with those hands until I realized with a dizzy lurch why. I was watching her wrists for my bracelet. It wasn't there, and once I realized what I was doing I tore my eyes away, but not before Jane noticed and covered her wrist with her other hand and quickly moved it to her lap.    I decided I needed to get out of there before I did something even stupider. It wasn't as if Viola was actually eating, so I excused both of us and started back to my hotel room. Viola stopped at the hostess stand and had a quick conversation with the bleached blonde woman in the tuxedo shirt and slacks that stood there. Sweat broke out on my palms, but Viola waved me over to them.   “She wants to tell you something,” the hostess said. I realized that Jane must have been telling Viola that the woman could translate for her. I didn't have time to wonder why Jane hadn't before the hostess continued. “She says Jane asked her if she was dating you.”    I held my breath as Viola fed more information to the woman before she continued her translation. “She told Jane she only just met you, but that she liked you very much. Jane told her that she hoped you like her too. That Viola should be careful, but that you were capable of great love. She asked Viola not to tell you until you had gone, but that you had a way of wrapping a girl in your love and taking them to great heights. Of making them feel like they were the only person in the world for you. That Jane only wished you had been able to love her like that.”    All the wind went out of me as I looked at Viola's dark eyes, questioning but soft with sympathy. I turned back to the table but Jane was gone, slipped away so as not to have to view the effects of her confession. She had it all wrong. She had everything wrong and I needed to put it right.           @thepromiseofanend @msroxyblog @nikkitasevoli @llfd1977     @fyeahproudglambert @little-poptart @snewsome756 @guccilowell @monicasanoli @lady-grinning-soul-k @pandaliciouz  @lostinletoland @moody-by-nature        

[hollowedrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, BEC! — You’ve been accepted for the role of Alastor Moody. To be honest, I was so so so worried about applications for Alastor. Frankly, with a character as multi-faceted as Alastor, there were so many ways it could have gone wrong, but reading your app was like a giant sigh of relief. Not only did you completely understand who Alastor is, but you even convinced me into parts of your app with your characterization (I never thought Alastor could have been a Hufflepuff, but boy was I wrong.) Do me a favor and keep convincing me into things; you’re right on the money. 

Thank you so much for applying. Please create your account and send in the link, track the right tags, and follow everyone on the follow list. Welcome to Hollowed Souls!

ooc.

Name: Bec

age: 26

preferred pronouns: She/her

timezone: EST+10 (AEDT)

activity: Ok, so I do work fulltime and often that entails 10 hour days but I’m often able to get on when I get home for a couple of hours. I might not be able to get on every single day, but I should be able to remain within the activity requirements!

are you applying for more than one character?: Nope :)

how do you feel about your character dying?: I mean it’s definitely plausible when it comes to Alastor considering how headstrong he is. He would absolutely die for a cause that he truly believes in (getting the fuck rid of Voldemort is certainly one). Let’s hope I don’t regret saying so in the future, but I think I’d be okay with him dying. I generally love causing my characters pain (I know), I basically breathe for in character drama.

anything else?: I just wanted to say that this place is beautiful, and I’ll definitely be keeping my eye on here whether I get accepted or not! Thanks for the opportunity!

ic details.

full name:  Alastor Moody

date of birth: July 19th, 1947.

former hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

There is no question that Alastor could have fit in at any Hogwarts house. Sure he’s ambitious and some would say that he would just about do anything to achieve what is necessary. However, Alastor lacks the need for notability as a direct result of his actions. He carries out what is necessary because it is simply that, necessary. There is no doubt that he is clever, but knowledge is not something that he seeks merely for his own desire or curiosity. Frankly, he would have had no joy in solving that silly riddle each and every time he had to return to the common room, far too impractical for his liking. He was almost placed in Gryffindor. He’s certainly brave and determined, but once again, his actions are never designed to seek his own means. He’s brave because the situations he’s placed in simply demand it, in his eyes, he has no other choice. Despite what many believe, Alastor  lacks much of the impulsion that other Gryffindor’s harbor, instead he’s much more calculative. That left him with Hufflepuff. A house that helped level his impatience over the years, and establish that good does exist. Being placed in Hufflepuff is largely what saved Alastor. A teen who was so fragile when he first stepped into Hogwarts that it took him years before he started to open up.  

sexuality: Heterosexual

gender/pronouns: Cisgender male. He/him

face claim change: Michiel is a God.

more.

how do you interpret this character’s personality? how will you play them? include two weaknesses & two strengths.

It’s probably safe to say that Alastor, he’s had it tough. Growing up he was always told that emotions were not made for wizards like the Moody’s, that they’ll only make him weak. And weakness is not something that a great Auror can afford to have. Despite now knowing that this is not always the case, Alastor’s always been a little silent. As a teenager his silence often came across as brooding, as an adult it’s matured with wisdom. He’ll only speak when necessary, not the sort to fill the air with words of flair and uncertainties. While Alastor does know how to smile, his need for constant vigilance often means he’ll be the last one to loosen up at a social gathering. He possesses an inflexible will, ever pushing forwards with what must be done, his purpose always clear and forever at the forefront of his mind. This might mean that he may be a little brash with you at times but you can’t always take his curt mannerisms to heart as he only does so with no partiality and only when necessary. He possesses a zeal so great that his actions are often misdiagnosed as those of impulsiveness, but he is anything but. Every action has been carefully premeditated.

+ Pragmatic: At his very core Alastor is a pragmatist. He doesn’t allow himself to wander too deep into ideals and what might be as this leaves him open to the possibility of failure. At this point in the war, failure is not an option. His pragmatism is largely attributed to his upbringing. Gone are the days of believing that fairytales exist, that someone else will come in and save the day. While he certainly doesn’t believe himself a hero, Alastor is a firm believer that only he can shape his own future, and perhaps the future of their world too.

+ Committed: Alastor has already sacrificed so much to the order and has every intention on continuing with the same zeal. In his opinion, it’s not sacrifice if the cause is one that is a necessity to fight for. If they stop fighting who will take their place? He spoke an oath, wand to the sky, hand over heart. An oath of the aurors that he does not plan to break. He won’t rest until their world is exonerated by the evil that threatens, he won’t hide away as thousands of muggles, half-bloods and their defenders are slaughtered.

- Distrustful: After years of emotional and physical abuse alike, it’s hard to not let some of that filter through. When the two people in the world who you’re supposed to be able to trust wholeheartedly betray you beyond repair, how are you supposed to have faith so easily. Alastor has a hard time trusting people. The easiest way to judge a person’s character is to not let them close enough to find out if they have good or bad intentions. Perhaps this isn’t a healthy train of thought, but for the most part it’s kept heartbreak at bay. He’s managed to find methods of coping with what some would call an issue, and that is with keeping himself occupied. Alastor’s almost always constantly busy, on his toes working, a rather well welcomed distraction if he’s honest.

- Guile: Alastor knows how to navigate a bad situation to make it the very best that he is able to. Sometimes his methods can erre on the side of manipulation but he will usually try and avoid as much collateral damage as possible. He’ll only use his guile methods when absolutely necessary, and in situations when he’s got to think quick on his toes.

how has the war affected this character, emotionally and otherwise?

Alastor feels as though he’s been in a constant war almost all his life. He’s been involved in this particular war since the very beginning and has since allowed it to consume every aspect of his life. He’s never had a serious romantic relationship, despite often receiving interest from various women over the years. It’s not that he’s oblivious to the attention, but more so that he believes that there are higher things at stake. Is there really a point in getting attached to someone when the future’s so uncertain? When tomorrow may not even be an eventuality?

Alastor has become particularly good at mastering his emotions. It’s perhaps the one skill his parents taught him, for better or for worse. It’s made him function under pressure better, hard decisions are made by him with more ease.

where does this character currently stand? with those who wish to hide in godric’s hollow until the war ends, with those who wish to rebuild the order and continue fighting the war, or on neither side? Why?

He knows that they’re currently sitting ducks just waiting to be fired at one by one. That they must act sooner rather than later. Hiding doesn’t fix anything, hiding doesn’t reverse the lives lost or guarantee that no more will be lost. In fact, hiding in Godric’s Hollow means guarantees that thousands, if not more, innocent lives will be lost. They’ve already wasted far too much time in Alastor’s opinion.

extra.

Mock Blog: https://amoodymood-mock.tumblr.com

Character questions:

How have the setbacks the Order has faced affected Alastor?

Alastor already feels as though they’ve wasted time. He’s truthfully disappointed in many of the members in the Order who are happy to take a backseat. He believes that no matter what they believe, pretending that they’re in a safe bubble doesn’t change the reality that the more time they spend at Godric’s Hollow twiddling their thumbs, Voldemort is only re-charging his strength and gathering his forces. Each minute they spend in hiding he only grows stronger. With each day his patience wanes, and with it he’s losing more and more control over keeping his anger at bay. His irritation is becoming more evident with the occasional unwarranted snipe at the wrong people. He can only hope that they understand, but only Merlin knows how much of it they’ll be able to take.

What does he think the Order should do next?

Alastor wants to continue with recruitment. He also wants to continue gaining intel from his internal informants amongst Voldemort’s ranks.. He also wants to attack. Moody knows that now is the time to strike, the Death Eaters are at their weakest point too. They also has those Order members still in captivity and those that are missing on his conscience. Alastor knows that they’d been far too careless the first time that they’d gone in, with more wands ready to fight, they might have a better chance at saving their fellow members. That is, if they aren’t already too late.