#like it bothers me. I WILL complain about it to my friends but I don't have to respond to anything that I don't want to

[possamble]

realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille

[thenwethrowitonthefire]

Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family

[dogearedheart]

god, sometimes I'm so fucking angry at myself

[steelthroat]

Stupid School related vent

Look objectively speaking this has been a good school year.

Good classmates(except when they were indefensible w the teachers)

Good teachers (except when they acted like whiny children. Idc if they were good to me I speak objectively and generally)

Best grades I've ever achieved

But honestly I am not happy, we did too many useless things, we lost many hours to things our teachers were forced to make us do because the program said so...

I am now making notes and studying alone things we didn't do but they're gonna ask me at my exam.

I haven't studied certain artistic movements, artists and important paintings because our art history teacher was... hhhhrn bad.

Some important authors were skipped

Some historical periods of time just barely mentioned or were explained superficially.

Some philosophers skipped or explained badly.

No, it's not a pretty picture and most of it wasn't our or our teachers' fault. I am not blaming anyone but the school system that now more than ever I am convinced is deeply flawed.

I am going to do my final exam and get my final grade that will determine my "worth". 5 years of work but 5 days are gonna determine 60% of my final grade.

I know whatever happens the grade is gonna be good because I already have 80/100 and if I get 20/20 at the final exam it's gonna be 100/100. And frankly it's not that hard.

I don't even care if something happens and I'm gonna guck up, I'm gonna give my best because I care and I want to be proud of myself when I'm gonna look back at this time of my life.

But I am not happy because I feel like whatever I did and I was taught wasn't enough. I don't care if the final grade is gonna be good, I am still not happy about my own level of education.

I mean, I am happy for myself, i did my best and had my kind of fair "reward" for my efforts... I'm simply not satisfied

[punch-love]

🌿 🍉 💎 🧿

🌿how does creating make you feel?

Alive and very present. I usually lose track of time because I am just so in the moment of whatever I'm working on. I also love when I've been struggling with a project and I figure out how to resolve the problem. It's like figuring out how to tug the thread just right to make the entire tapestry shine.

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

I think in particular, writing for this fandom has given me a chance to talk about mental health issues very frankly and honestly in a way that touches a lot on my own experiences in life. I think seeing people relate to my characters going through very human, complicated experiences with (varying) levels of empathy and understanding has been a very healing experience. I've said this before, but love-punch is an immensely personal work, and each chapter is influenced by events and emotional experiences that I was going through while writing the chapter. I can re-read each one and remember where I was in life, what I was struggling with, and what I wanted to distract myself from with writing. I think by the end of it, it'll effectively be like an unofficial diary of my mid-to-late twenties whether I like it or not.

💎why is writing important to you?

I think I'm good at it, and I really like doing things that I'm good at. Life is full of humbling, often embarrassing situations where you are either out of your element or just not naturally inclined to do something well, and writing is such an easy escape because I don't have to think too hard about whether I'm doing it the "right" way. I also think that I have stories to tell and that whenever I exorcise one of those stories out of my brain and onto the page, it makes my inner landscape a little less cluttered. I also love it, so.

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

I do take things very personally, but I try not to take it out on people because how my audience reacts vs. how I feel are two seperate experiences. I've said this before but my main coping skill is just talking a lot with my friends (especially other writers in this fandom) about the negative and frustrating experiences I have creating content. I don't think I take a fic not doing well personally because as I've said, I feel like everything I've written has found its audience in some way and there's nothing I've written that I feel was "passed" over so to speak. I'm a control freak so putting content out and not having it read in the way I intended or having people see things in my story I didn't put in (or not seeing things I intentionally tried to highlight) used to really get me twisted up in knots. I think fandom is a really great place to learn to not give a fuck, to accept that people will ingest your work in their own personal lens and interests and will say things that make your skin crawl regardless of anything you do. You cannot control someone's reception to your work, and I think that by accepting that, I've learned to take it all a lot less personally. I've matured a lot in the almost two years I've been writing for public consumption.

[florenceisfalling]

like idk. i miss seeing content from s.igne (though i respect gab wholeheartedly). i miss fanart from my favorite artists. i miss older eras of j.se at times (and yes, there were older eras, the way people pretended he Never Changed is just weird). i miss old anti designs. i miss the old fic trends. i miss having a very active fandom (though i am so happy to see the new arrivals) and i miss seeing him interact with fans the way he did on tumblr back in the day. i miss the way i used to interact with some of the blogs here before i decided to fuckin,,, wage holy war and make enemies out of them (joking, but i have seen sides to some of these people that i wish i could tear out of my memory). i miss feeling confident that i could trust the good intentions of people here and even the big man himself (not god. that makes sean sound like god. you know what i mean). i miss when some of you weren't so fucking bitter which is funny because i'm the bitterest bitch alive. idk. i don't think it's bad to miss any of these things because i'm not going to be an ass and act like it's anybody's fault. i'm not going to be bothered by gab for being happy because i'm glad she is happy, and i'm not going to get bothered by sean taking a reasonable step back from this hellsite when people were cruel to him, and i'm not going to get mad at trends for changing because that is how time works. but i do miss things and i know its cringe and parasocial and perhaps even problematic but i hate having to pretend like i never have Any feelings about the past lest i break a hypothetical rule of what is the Normal level of attachment to an online community. okay. i think i'm done now.

[stairset]

I very much agree with the stance that it's very annoying how the MCU is like incapable of presenting genuinely serious, emotional or dramatic scenes without immediately ruining it with some dumb ironic self-aware meme-bait quip and how this has inspired others to imitate it. However I think it's weird how people on Tumblr apparently came to the conclusion that "he's standing right behind me isn't he" style jokes are apparently bad when that kind of gag was already a thing way before the MCU and as far as I can recall the MCU itself has never even used one of those jokes. Like it just feels like such a random thing to focus on.

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

it is ok to ask for help. people are not going to hate me for asking for help

[no27-autonation-honda]

what's the fucking point

[neverendingford]

,

[daydadahlias]

this whole people-feeling-inherently-entitled-to-my-time-because-I'm-an-extrovert thing is starting to wear on me i fear <3

[cauldroncreations]

Top three things that my key to my parents house is good for now that we have basically no relationship:

1. Opening boxes (and by proxy looking kind of hawt)

2. Getting ear wax out of the covers of my earbuds (this nullifies the hawt)

3. I don't have a third. Self defense i guess ?

[chocolaytte]

밤 (night) - i

[no-one-hears-me]

idk if I should be mad at my friend or just sad

[variuss-petals]

spending a lot of time making something and then no one buys it or even looks at it, like what’s the point in even trying, you know, like, what

[biioniic-biiohazard]

imagine leaving a server over two whole words, throwing a tantrum in some unrelated group chat, lying about taking a break, and then begging for an invite back only to sit in call in complete silence, say "mexican," laugh, and then apologize and leave call right after

(((and then a few hours later pass out like nothing happened))))

it's like actual child behaviour, and now i know why someone we know is blocked! :D i feel insane because today was really really fucking weird and i honestly do not plan on unblocking them again anywhere after that shit because it's just running in circles every fuckin day it sucks