#like imagine achieving your dream and then hating it. you get everything you every wanted and then you wish you never got any of it

[javier-pena]

the duel

Pairing: knight!Din Djarin x f!reader

Word Count: 5.8k

Rating: Mature

Summary: When a grave injustice is done to you, there is only one man who will defend your honor.

Warnings: graphic violence | animal death (a horse gets killed) | death of a close family member | a hint of “who did this to you?” | a lot of historical inaccuracies | reader has long hair | a dash of self-loathing

Notes: I know I'm the slowest writer ever when it comes to working through my 10k follower celebration requests but we're getting there. A very sweet anon requested "Can you just look at me? Please?" with Din Djarin and my brain made that into a medieval AU somehow. Dear anon, I'm not entirely sure this is what you had in mind but I had THE most fun writing it, and I'm so so in love with knight!Din that it's going to be incredibly hard to let him go. As always, huge thanks to Dani @alexturner who said this is the best fic I've written recently - it's amazing what I can achieve when there is no smut to overthink!

The air smells of smoke and horse manure and cold. It smells of blood and death too, but Din isn’t quite certain that he isn’t imagining that. No one has died here, at least not today, and if he keeps his cool, then the sun will set without him having taken yet another life. All he has to do is immobilize his opponent, make him surrender. If he can do that, he’ll win more than one victory today.

He bows, deeply, in front of Lord Marlowe and the assembled guests. To his left, Rhyswald the Crusader does the same, the insincerity evident in the way he inclines his head, moves his feet. Din has every reason to hate Lord Marlowe, every reason to wish the worst on the other man, but he wouldn’t dream of disrespecting him, least of all in his own house.

Rhyswald lifts his head, runs a gloved hand through his blond curls, and dons his heavy helmet. Din ignores the smirk on his face, the way he bares his teeth in something resembling a snarl. He can’t let these things get to him if he wants to walk away from this duel victorious, his hands clean. He lifts his own helmet, ready to hide his face behind the T-shaped visor, when he sees you stand and abandon your seat next to Lord Marlowe. You walk to the edge of the berfrois, your pale blue wool dress looking almost white in the soft light of the winter morning, your dark blue coat billowing behind you. You don’t wrap it around yourself, even though the cold morning air makes you gasp. Your eyes are fixed on Din’s, but he can hardly bear to look at you, his heart in his throat threatening to choke him.

You reach the edge of the berfrois and you seem so close that he thinks if he just extended his arm, he could touch you. And then you extend your arm and his hands begin to tremble. If he had to draw his sword right now, he wouldn’t be able to hold up the weapon. There is something in your hand, a piece of white silk, and you smile at him before letting it go, the cloth gently gliding down in the calm air, toward Din. He steps forward, his hand outstretched, and everything around him vanishes – the lists, the nobles, Lord Marlowe on his high-backed chair, even Rhyswald and his vile face. It’s just you and the token you’re bestowing on him that Din sees.

He secures the piece of silk around his left lower arm, gently pulling it tight with his teeth. By the time he is done, you have returned to your seat, regarding the spectacle before you with cold detachment. Like him, you can’t let this get to you. The world begins to come back with shouts and the sounds of stomping hooves and Rhyswald’s voice snarling some insult Din doesn’t quite catch. He walks over to his horse Razor, tied up at the edge of the lists. Razor is covered in Din’s colors, the dark blue of his father and the silver of his liege, its black fur shiny with sweat already. Din hoists himself up, takes his shield from a knave, and draws his long, heavy sword. With a deep breath, he turns Razor to face Rhsywald.

Din tastes blood on his tongue as he charges at his opponent, blood from where he has bitten the inside of his cheek. Rhyswald’s helmet is obscuring most of his face, but Din can imagine the smirk he is wearing beneath, sure of his victory. After all, didn’t he fight in the crusades? Didn’t he risk his life and soul for king and country? And where was Din while his fellow countrymen were risking their lives overseas? Where was he? Din raises his sword high above his head, channeling all his strength into his right arm, and a growl erupts from his chest, drowned out by Razor’s hooves hammering against the frozen ground.

Din manages to hit Rhyswald’s shield, but the steel glides of the leather reinforcements uselessly. Rhyswald misses Din’s shoulder because he twists out of the way in time but even before Din manages to turn Razor around, he’s there again with a second attack, splintering the top of Din’s shield with a forceful blow. Din changes direction, his back facing Rhyswald for a moment, but the bold move pays off. When he goes in for a second attack, the other man parries his blow with a surprised shout.

Beneath the horses’ hooves, the ground slowly breaks open and becomes uneven while the knights try to gain the upper hand. They are evenly matched, Din has to admit that, but whereas he fights for an advantage, Rhyswald fights to humiliate. When Din parries a blow, Rhyswald tries to hit him with his shield, when Din tries to free his sword, Rhyswald tries to punch his chin or scratch his unprotected lower arms. The longer the horses dance around each other, the harder it is for Din to keep the promise he made to himself.

“You should give up now,” Rhyswald suggests after a while, his voice coming out in strained pants, “because I will kill you if you don’t.”

Din doesn’t reply because there really isn’t anything he could say.

Rhyswald tries to grab Din’s arm but almost loses the grip on his sword and has to straighten his back. “Did no one teach you manners, boy? You answer your superiors.”

“I have nothing to say to you,” Din presses out through gritted teeth, the blade of his sword coming down hard against the spaulder protecting Rhyswald’s shoulder but bouncing off it without leaving a mark.

Rhsywald pulls back his steed, disengaging, and Din drops his arm to relieve his straining muscles. “Why not? Did your little harlot forbid you to speak? Because she knows if you talk to me, it’ll only expose her lies?”

Din doesn’t mean to, but he can’t stop himself from charging at Rhyswald in a rash move and missing him when he swerves.

“Oh, so it’s true?” Rhyswald taunts, making his horse prance around Din’s. “Do you always do as she says?

“Shut up,” Din growls. Rhyswald’s grating voice is making his blood boil.

“Apparently not,” Rhsywald remarks, and Din can make out the smirk beneath his helmet. “So tell me, do you believe her little story? Or do you know she’s a liar?”

Din spurs on Razor, the pounding hooves quickening his heartbeat. He’s aiming the blade at Rhsywald’s head, but his opponent predicts the move long before Din can carry it out. Their blades clash and send out sparks. The force of the impact makes pain shoot up Din’s arm and he grunts. Rhyswald doesn’t let him catch his breath. He lands blow after blow, and Din can barely keep him in check while Razor nervously prances beneath him.

“That would explain why she picked you as her champion,” Rhyswald goes on while his blade comes down hard against Din’s shield. “Gullible Din Djarin who’d do anything for the taste of a ma–”

Din kicks, hard, and is surprised when his foot connects with Rhyswald’s middle. Rhyswald gives a shout of surprise, and Din knows his eyes are wide beneath that helmet. With a rattling crash, Rhyswald lands on the hard, trampled ground and his horse takes off with a whinny. Around them, the berfrois erupt with cheers.

Din closes his eyes and the sound changes. It now is the gentle rustling of newly grown leaves swaying in a warm spring breeze. When he opens his eyes, he’s back in Headdon Fort walking the corridors, climbing steep stairs. Outside the windows, the world is breaking out into colors, bright and fresh, while inside the mood is dampened by bad news recently received. As a knight passing through, no one has informed Din of the tragedy. 

Din doesn’t know what he is looking for, only that he is too restless to quietly sit in a chair yet too exhausted from his recent travels to spend his time training. The fort is almost empty since everyone is enjoying the spring sunshine, and Din, in turn, is enjoying the quiet. Until he hears a stifled sob, turns a corner, and finds you leaning against the damp stone wall. You’re crouching, face buried in your hands, a scroll of parchment lying at your feet, and your chest is heaving with violent sobs.

Din should walk away, spare you the embarrassment of being seen at such a vulnerable moment, but he can’t. It’s not his upbringing and training, the chivalry demanded of him. It’s the love he feels for you that makes him rush to your side instead of turning away from you.

You must hear his heavy footsteps despite your preoccupation, and you look up, eyes red, cheeks wet. “Din,” you breathe, your voice hoarse.

His chest tightens at the sound of his name coming from your lips in such a familiar manner. He steps in front of you, unsure whether he is allowed to approach, flexing the fingers on his right hand, still stiff from a recently sustained injury. “What do you need?” he asks.

You smile at him, gently, your grief momentarily forgotten. “It’s Eldrin,” you answer. “He … he died.”

Din’s chest grows tighter, a feeling no longer welcome. Out of your brothers, Eldrin was his favorite. Din had always looked up to the older man, and Eldrin had always treated him like an equal. “How?” he asks.

You shake your head as a new wave of grief rushes over you. Din can’t bear to see you like this. He drops down to his knees next to you, the floor uncomfortably cold through the fabric of his chausses. But he doesn’t care when you lean into him and bury your face against his shoulder. In fact, he doesn’t feel anything anymore except the warmth of your body against his and the way his heart flutters in his chest.

Steadied by Din’s presence, you finally answer. “He was murdered.”

“Murdered?” Din echoes, slinging an arm around your shoulders. The bright spring sunshine seems to darken at your words, and despair settles over the both of you.

“He was trying to save a friend,” you go on, your words muffled against Din’s tunic. “Lord Raaf. He had gotten into a fight, and Eldrin was trying to help him. They were all drunk, it was a stupid, drunken fight.” You sob, and Din can’t help himself. He kisses the top of your head, and feels a stab of pride when you pull him closer.

“Raaf,” you go on after you have somewhat collected yourself, ��he said Eldrin got stabbed in the back. I don’t know why.” You look up at him, your eyes impossibly bright with tears. “Why, Din?”

“I don’t know,” Din replies. He could talk about honor, call the murderer a coward, curse his name, but none of these things would help you. Instead, he asks, “What can I do?”

“Nothing,” you reply, grabbing fistfuls of Din’s shirt. “He’s dead.”

“Does Raaf know who stabbed Eldrin?”

You nod. “A knight. He calls himself Rhyswald the Crusader.”

“There are witnesses,” Din goes on. “Lord Raaf. He saw it happen. Rhyswald will be brought to justice.”

You give him a tired smile. “I don’t want justice. I want Eldrin to be alive.”

Din’s stomach knots painfully, as if he had been stabbed himself.

It’s the same pain he feels now, back on the lists, watching the murderer push himself into a kneeling position, reaching for his sword. “Stay down,” Din whispers, but Rhyswald lets loose a deep growl and stands, picks up his mud-caked sword.

“You coward!” he shouts, loud enough for everyone to hear. “I should have known that you won’t be able to win this fight without cheating.”

“Enough!” Din barks. “Do you surrender?”

There are whispers all around him as he waits for an answer.

Rhsywald spits, and it comes out red. “No.”

The whispers stop.

Din circles Rhyswald, Razor snorting beneath him. “Then you have made your choice,” he declares with a heavy heart, raising his sword.

Rhyswald charges. Razor, surprised by the sudden movement, rears up and then collapses, the front legs giving way, breaking with a sickening crack. Din hits the ground, hard, the impact pushing all the air from his lungs. One leg gets buried under Razor’s body, while the other twists at an odd angle, and he loses both his sword and shield. The crowd gasps, there are one or two shouts, but Din only hears the blood rushing in his ears, and the rattling sound of Razor’s dying breath.

Din’s vision darkens when Rhyswald casts his shadow down on him. He pulls his sword out of Razor’s chest with a sickening squelch and huffs. “There. Now we’re evenly matched.”

Din places a gloved hand on Razor’s back, the body warm and alive to the touch. He can’t allow himself to feel, can’t allow Rhyswald’s dishonesty to get to him. He pushes the horse off his leg and stands, ignoring the pain in his calf, the way his vision goes dark as blood pounds behind his eyes. He limps to where his sword lies half-buried in the mud, then to where his shield sticks out of a heap of soil. He picks up both weapons, his grip like iron, and turns to face Rhyswald.

They circle each other; every other step is agony to Din, but it doesn’t escape him that Rhyswald holds his elbow at an odd angle or that his helmet has shifted, obscuring his view. Din shakes his head to get rid of the ringing in his ears but it doesn’t help. He loosens the grip on his sword, then tightens it again, and before Rhyswald can take on a defensive stance, he rushes toward him, his only goal to inflict as much pain as possible. He can let himself have that, he decides, as long as it doesn’t cloud his judgement.

Steel meets steel, and Din’s ears are now ringing with the sweet sound of combat. Rhyswald manages to keep him at bay, but no matter how hard he tries to get a blow in, Din doesn’t let him. He forces Rhyswald to defend himself, forces him to back away from Razor’s dead body, forces him to fight for his life. Rhyswald is strong, his defenses are tough, but once in a while, there is a crack in them, and Din exploits it ruthlessly.

Rhyswald’s shield splinters in half after Din hits it repeatedly, and the two halves fall to the ground, useless. Din can’t help but smile a cruel smile, already tasting victory, but without the additional weight, his opponent is faster and finally gains the upper hand. He pushes back against Din’s assaults with vicious jabs, forcing Din to divide his attention between parrying Rhyswald’s blows with his shield and defending himself with his sword.

Din’s arms grow heavy, so heavy that every time he has to raise his sword it feels like a task impossible to accomplish. Rhyswald seems to tire too – his footfalls are heavy and he grunts every time he swings his sword at Din. But when the blade lands against Din’s right cuisse, he feels the blow in his entire body and his knee gives way, making him stumble. Rhyswald goes for Din’s standard next, and it’s only through sheer force of will that he manages to parry that blow. The audience gasps, groans, and then falls silent.

“Don’t you hear?” Rhyswald hisses, pushing his blade down against Din’s. Every muscle in Din’s arm is screaming for him to give in. “They hate you. They want to see you dead. Why don’t we give them what they want?”

He kicks Din in the chest, swirls around, and with the force of a final blow lets the blade of his sword rush toward Din. Din lets out a hoarse shout as his lower arm is sliced open and hot blood spurts out, drenching his tunic. Steam rises in the freezing air.

“You should give in now,” Rhyswald suggests. “It would spare you the pain and humiliation.” He reaches for Din’s injured arm, for the piece of silk tied around it; Din draws back with a hiss. Darkness settles over Rhyswald’s face. “Have it your way then.”

He raises his sword high above his head at the same time as Din raises his shield, and when blade hits wood, Din pushes himself up, flinging his cover at Rhyswald. He feels bile rise in his throat at the effort; instead of air, it feels like he is breathing in fire, but he stands, and Rhyswald struggles for a moment, caught off-guard by Din’s resistance. Still, Rhyswald has a point – it would be so easy to give in, to stop here and let fate take its course.

The glove on Din’s left hand is growing heavy with blood. He glances down to examine the damage and his eyes land on the piece of silk Rhyswald tried to touch, the token you gave him, convinced he would be victorious. He promised you, did he not? He offered his services to bring you justice, to right that terrible wrong that had been done to you. He can’t give up, no matter how much he wants to. Not when you are up there in the berfrois, all your hopes resting on him. Your hands are doubtlessly clenched in your lap, your eyes are wide with terror. You are praying, he is sure of that – not to a merciful God, but to him, begging him to keep going.

“You’re tougher than I had thought, I’ll give you that.” Rhyswald’s voice sounds tinny from beneath his helmet, and it lures Din out of his thoughts and back onto the lists. “But you still have to resort to tricks to gain the upper hand.”

Din is barely listening to the words. His eyes are roaming Rhyswald’s armor, looking for a weak spot, a small opening he could attack. There is nothing, not even a loosening rerebrace. But the way Rhyswald is holding his sword, his grip lax … if Din could disarm him, this fight would be over.

With an outcry, hoarse and violent, he storms at Rhyswald who is too late to raise his sword to defend himself. It flies out of his grip and lands somewhere to his right, halfway sinking into the mud. There is some careful applause coming from the berfrois, one or two cheers, as people are trying to figure out what just happened. Din feels a smile forming on his lips, one that is cold and calculating, as he allows himself this small indulgence because no one can see it.

Rhyswald looks at his useless sword, lets the implication of it no longer being in his hand sink in. Then he huffs and rolls his shoulders. Din steels himself for another insult, hopes for a swift surrender, but stiffens when Rhyswald loosens his heavy morning star from his belt.

“We’re just getting started,” he sneers.

Din rolls his neck, his shoulders, then flings his sword from him. There is one faint shout of, “No!” somewhere in the distance, and all he can hope is that it did not come from you. “Forgive me,” he whispers, pulling his pernach out of the loop on his belt.

When Rhyswald charges, morning star swinging at his side, Din is ready for him.

The air around him warms as the lists vanish and are replaced by a ground of dust, dry air being swirling up in the hot summer sun. Din takes a step to the side and twists his upper body, avoiding his opponent who rushes past him with a curse. Din turns and kicks him in the backside so he lands on the dry ground, face first. The other men clap and cheer, and Din runs the back of his hand across his forehead, wiping away the sweat and dirt.

That is when he spots you rushing toward him, your hands balled into fists at your sides, your footfalls heavy with anger. Din hears the other knights snicker, one or two whistle, but he ignores them. His entire world has become you – there is no room for anything else.

“What happened?” he asks as soon as you are close enough to hear him.

You stop in front of him, your eyes shiny with unshed tears. “I don’t know who else to talk to,” is all you say.

Din softly closes his hand around your elbow. “Come,” he says, “let’s go.”

There are some lewd comments, some more whistles, but you don’t seem to hear them. You let yourself be guided into the shadow of one of the trees in the enormous courtyard, where the heat is a little less punishing, and prying ears have a hard time overhearing your conversation.

Din takes in your appearance, your fine dress, your long hair, braided intricately, and his face heats with the realization of how he must look next to you, dirty and sweaty and half undressed, with his tunic hanging open and its sleeves rolled up, curls rumpled, hands brown with dust. You don’t seem to mind though.

“Rhyswald was acquitted.” Your voice is strained with anger and hatred; Din barely recognizes it. “The king has acquitted him.”

Din wishes he could offer you words of comfort. Instead, all he manages is a suppressed, “What?”

It should not be like this, was not supposed to go like this. You were convinced the king’s verdict would bring you justice, and Din was convinced of the righteousness of your cause. After all, Rhyswald had stabbed Eldrin in the back, in front of witnesses. Maybe you had misheard the king, misunderstood his verdict.

You lower your eyes at Din, and for a moment he thinks you’re redirecting your anger at him. “He didn’t believe Raaf, said Raaf was too drunk to know what he saw.”

“But there were others,” Din presses, unable to make sense of it all, “other witnesses. People who say Rhyswald …” He finds himself unable to finish the sentence.

You begin to pace beneath the shadow of the tree, your face shiny with sweat. “None of them confirmed Raaf’s story. They said it was too dark, they can’t be sure of what they saw, Rhyswald wasn’t drunk, they want to believe his story. The king said it wasn’t enough.”

Din watches you pace, rooted to the spot by his uselessness. He hears the clanging of swords, the shouts and cheers – the other knights must have resumed their training, already tired of poking fun at him. He hears the song of a bird high up in the tree above you, and the high laughter of a little girl somewhere close by. They all go on with their lives as if the world had not just ended.

“There must be something we can do,” Din finally says. “Maybe the king will reconsider if …”

“If what, Din?” you snarl. He flinches. You notice, and your face falls. “I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to help but there is nothing we can do to change his mind. There is only …”

“You can’t give up,” Din interrupts you. “There has to be a way. We will find one.”

Your face softens as you gift him a smile. “There is one way. The only way. But it’s hopeless.”

“Tell me,” Din demands, taking both your hands in his.

You lower your gaze to where your hands are joined. “Trial by combat,” you answer. “If God’s verdict were to be in favor of my brother …”

Din tightens his hold on you. “Why would that be hopeless? Aren’t you convinced of Rhyswald’s guilt?”

You wind your way out of Din’s grip. “It’s not that. I don’t have a champion.”

Din blinks, trying to sort through his thoughts. “I’m sure your fiancé …”

“Lord Marlow accepts the king’s verdict,” you cut him off. “There’s nothing I can do.”

Din pulls you close. “Yes. There is.”

The sharp pain in his right arm brings Din back to the present. It has to be broken, judging by the way it uselessly hangs at his side. When the morning star hit the rerebrace, Din could hear the sickening crack it made. Rhyswald could too, and it put a cruel smile on his face, one Din could see all too clearly now that Rhyswald lost his helmet somewhere in the mud. Din tries to flex his fingers, tries to bend his right arm at the elbow, but the responding pain makes his vision darken and stars dance in front of his eyes.

Opposite him, Rhyswald looks how Din feels. His bottom lip is split, his teeth are red with blood. He spits and a tooth lands at his feet. Din inhales sharply and tries to straighten his back, but Rhyswald chooses this moment to charge at him, the morning star long forgotten, lost somewhere on the battlefield. Din glances longingly at his pernach, now too heavy for him to wield with his broken arm, then widens his stance, bracing for the impact.

Rhyswald is aiming for his shoulder, but Din takes a calculated step back and Rhyswald misses. He stumbles but immediately regains his balance, his eyes wild with rage. Din can’t help but smile.

Rhyswald reaches for Din’s left arm, which is still bleeding, and Din hisses when his hand closes around it, hard. He struggles against the grip, but can’t use his right hand to push Rhyswald off, and when he yanks back his arm, he only pulls his opponent toward him. Rhyswald closes his other hand around Din’s throat, but Din twists back his head, then brings his helmet down hard against Rhyswald’s temple. That does the trick.

Rhyswald stumbles back and Din falls forward, grunting in pain. He can make out the tears and dents in Rhyswald’s armor where he was able to do some damage with his pernach, cut so deeply he drew blood, but it wasn’t enough. Rhyswald still stands, still fights. And Din knows he cannot take much more of this.

Rhyswald kicks, aiming for Din’s legs, and when Din tries to evade him, his leg gives way and he folds, falling to his knees in front of Rhyswald. Then his head starts ringing, and he realizes Rhyswald is pommeling the helmet with his bare hands, trying everything to make Din surrender. And Din wants to. By God, he wants to! He’s so exhausted he can’t even tell if this fight is real or if he blacked out minutes ago and this is all a fever-induced vision.

Rhyswald lands a kick against Din’s chest, and Din crashes to the ground. It has begun to snow, and as he is lying there, looking up into the sky, he can see the flakes dancing around him. When Rhyswald straddles him, sinking to his knees on either side of Din’s torso, he can’t find the fight in him to oppose him. Instead, he lets Rhyswald punch him, his chest, his chin; his head rings every time Rhyswald’s fist connects with his helmet, but there is no point in fighting back when it’s so easy to lie here and watch the snow come down gently.

Rhyswald curses, trying to pull Din’s helmet off his head. But his gloves are slick with blood and mud, and he cannot find purchase against the smooth iron. Din shakes his hands off with a grunt and his head comes to rest on its side where he has a clear view of the berfrois. A clear view of you.

You are halfway out of your chair, your eyes wide with shock. His chest constricts, the pain unbearable, so much more violent than anything Rhyswald did to him today. If he doesn’t fight back, this will be the last thing he sees, his last conscious thought will be that he disappointed you. And maybe that’s what he deserves. He killed so many people, ruined so many lives – this is his punishment for all the hurt he brought into this world. What’s one more broken person? What’s one more ruined life? Of course, the only thing he can give you as his present on your wedding day is for you to watch him get butchered. He lived his life dishonorably, of course it has to end the same way.

Drained, he closes his eyes, waiting for the end to come.

When he opens them again, it’s you he sees. Your eyes are bright, and you try to hide a grin behind the back of your hand, but he gently takes your wrist and pulls it away from your face. He can’t remember the last time he saw you smile like this, and he wants to savor every second of it.

You kiss him again, and it’s as if he was forgotten how to breathe. All he feels is the gentle press of your lips against his, the way you’re still so unsure but so, so eager to have him like this. It makes his heart bloom like a meadow in springtime. He can’t help himself – he has to cup your cheek. You shudder against him in response.

“Let us stay here forever.” The words are out before he can stop them.

You glance up into his eyes, your face so unguarded it makes him want to fight for your affection. Makes him want to die for it too. “I wish we could.” You push him back against the hard stone wall of the alcove you’re hiding in. “Let’s not talk about it.”

The next time you kiss him, he can taste your grief on your lips. “There’s –,” he starts, but you shake your head.

“No.” You touch your finger to his lips, and he freezes, blood rushing downwards, tight between his legs. “Din … I’m so sorry.”

There is nothing for you to be sorry for, no choice he regrets making where you are concerned, but hearing you say those words makes a lump form in his throat. “Don’t.” He kisses you to hide the ache that has to be written all over his face. “It’s what you have to do. You have your duties, as I have mine.”

You lace your fingers with his, squeezing them hard. He presses his forehead against yours, your breaths mingling.

“I’ll always be yours, Din. Always.”

Din reaches for his dagger strapped to his thigh, gritting his teeth against the pain. Rhyswald’s triumphant grin is wiped off his face when Din knees him in the crotch before stabbing him between his ribs where his armor has shifted. Rhyswald lets out a pained grunt, his eyes falling shut, as he tries to grab Din’s wrist to pull the dagger back out. Din does it for him, relishing the wet sound it makes against Rhyswald’s flesh. Then he pushes Rhyswald off him and rolls onto his side, arm braced against the other man’s chest, pushing himself onto his knees. The pain that is everywhere in his body now is almost unbearable, makes him want to vomit and pass out, but the sight of Rhyswald’s eyes, widened in terror, keeps him going.

Din closes his left hand around Rhyswald’s throat and Rhyswald starts kicking his legs in panic, clawing at Din’s fingers and arm. But Din doesn’t let go, only pushes him deeper into the mud. This isn’t the first time he is taking a life, and he knows it won’t be the last, but he will never again enjoy killing someone this much. He tightens his hold on Rhyswald’s throat, watches as his eyes begin to bulge, and he feels a strange calm come over him. It’s easy to grab the dagger, even with his broken arm, so easy to press the blade against the skin of Rhyswald’s throat, and even easier still to cut, one smooth motion, followed by blood, so much blood. It seeps into Din’s gloves, hot in the freezing winter air, drenches his hands so all the world can see he has taken another life.

Din doesn’t let go until Rhyswald’s eyes cloud over and he stops twitching. He pushes himself away from the dead body, a pained growl passing his lips. He isn’t shaking – that will come later – but he isn’t feeling the satisfaction he thought he would feel. He raises his eyes and glances up at the berfrois, up to where you are sitting. It’s not as if he had expected you to jump out of your chair and cheer for him, but he had hoped for some acknowledgement of a job well done. Instead, he finds you staring at him, eyes wide with terror, and he looks down at his soiled gloves and the man next to him, his throat cut open like a red, angry maw.

You would look at Din like that. Not with relief or adoration, but with terror. After all, now that you have seen his uglier side, you recognized the kind of monster he truly is. And who could love a monster, even if that monster killed for you?

Din kneels in the cold mud, eyes fixed on his hands, his terrible hands that have done so much bad in this world. He should have surrendered, should have let Rhyswald kill him. But there are men carrying his corpse away, and Din has to go on living, knowing the only person he truly loves despises him. He wishes there were cheers or curses, people talking, getting ready to leave, discussing the duel, anything, but it’s so quiet and he is alone with his thoughts that are so loud. He’s even alone on the lists now, Rhyswald’s corpse having been carried off, and still, he can’t bring himself to get up and leave. He can’t even raise his head because looking at you again would kill him.

His world turns pale blue as you come to stand in front of him. You kneel, not caring about spoiling your wedding dress – you’re kneeling in the dirt and blood, and you say, “Can you just look at me? Please?” but Din can’t. He doesn’t want to face your hatred, even if that makes him a coward.

Your voice is so soft as you repeat that, “Please,” and it does something to him, reminds him that he can never refuse you. His broken arm twitches painfully as his heart picks up speed, and then he looks up.

You have a soft smile on your face, one he had thought he’d never see again. You raise your hands, lifting the helmet off his head, and then you press your forehead to his, just like he did with you before you told him you’ll always be his.

“I love you,” you whisper into the cold winter morning.

That’s all he needs from you.

If you enjoyed the fic, I’d love to hear from you 🥰 feel free to leave a comment or drop into my inbox anytime …

dividers by @saradika-graphics

[uptondixon]

Give me everything tonight - Dante Torres x Intelligence Officer!Reader

During a late-night conversation in the locker room, you and Dante succumb to the feelings that are buried deep inside your hearts.

Word count: 1263

Characters: Dante Torres x You, Trudy Platt & Hank Voight

Warnings: Making out. They're horny. There's no actual smut tho.

“Dante,” you whispered.

“Yeah?” he answered in the same tone, his breath coming directly into your face. Shivers spread across your body and fog clouded over your mind. He was so close, you were not touching but his presence was so strong. You cannot help but want to touch him.

Dante's not any different, in fact, he is sure he has been dreaming about your touch for far longer than you could ever imagine. He has never been so close to you before. The fact that he could take another step closer and the distance between you would be nonexistent makes his hands shake lightly. 

How did you two end up in this position? Almost pressed together against the wall of the locker room in the precinct. Looking directly into each other's eyes and longing to finally feel the other’s touch. 

What is happening right now is nothing but months of pent-up feelings finally running free. You and Dante clicked instantly. When you first met in front of Platt’s desk, his eyes lit up like two full moons. He was a calm and collected guy, it was rare for someone to make him lose control of himself. The state of control he fought so hard to achieve. But there you are. Simply existing and still making him a mess of shiny eyes, shy smiles, and impure thoughts. He never met someone so stunning, someone who had power over him with just a look. 

You stared back at the man before you, vaguely registering Platt mention the name of the new addition to Intelligence. ‘Officer Torres’. Even his name sounds pretty, you thought. He was exactly what you always thought a handsome man should be. Your mind does nothing but put you in trouble with all the dirty thoughts clouding your senses. Thoughts of him. Only him.

“We cannot,” you said, louder this time. By changing the tone, you expected to break the atmosphere that had built itself around the room, but it was impossible at that point.

Keeping eye contact with him, you said, “You know how Voight feels about in-house relationships, and after what happened with Hailey and Jay…” 

“Don't. Don't discourage this, Y/n,” he said, his voice still low. “I get what you're saying, but for some reason, I can't bring myself to care.” 

“Dante!” 

“For real, I just can't. Don't you see it?” his eyes grow bigger in exasperation. “I want you.”

Three words. Three damn words. They start floating around your head like a drug being injected into your body and messing with your sanity. Your body reacts to him more intensely now, your hands slowly reaching for his but never actually getting there. 

“I always wanted you, mi amor,” he said, moving his arms to the wall behind you, his biceps invading your line of vision, and the first thing you do is reach for each arm with your hands, feeling his skin. Your body and mind slowly losing the control to stop yourself.

“Fuck you, Torres,” you said in a huff. For a second there you truly hated him. You hated him for being so damn hot for absolutely no reason, making this even harder for you.

That drew a chuckle out of him, “What?” he said with a smile still on his face. You stared back at him and he felt like he could melt right then and there. All the nights he spent awake thinking about you. Thinking about every single thing that makes you the woman of his dreams. Every thought he ever had of you led him to this moment.

“Kiss me, Y/n,” he said so softly that it almost sounded like a request. His eyes left yours for the first time since he backed you up on that wall, instead focusing on your lips. 

You felt your hands start to shake and your heartbeat rise. You were just getting ready to leave for the night, how the hell did the conversation you both shared about the day's work end up like this? 

Suddenly, your mind was consumed by just one thought: fuck it. Fuck the rules. He wanted you. 

He wanted you and that is all you needed to hear to convince yourself to finally close the distance between your lips. 

Dante's lips were exactly what you expected, so soft and warm. His hands instantly left the wall and held your body close, your hands flying to the back of his head.

The kiss destroyed any second thought or insecurity Dante ever felt about being with you, it felt so right to finally have you. Thoughts of not being enough or not doing the right thing seemed impossible now that he tasted you. 

You could not remember the last time your mind did not wake you up in the morning with thoughts of him. Kissing his lips felt like long overdue and neither of you could stop now.

What started with a rough touch of lips grew into a battle for control. Tongues meeting each other, looking for dominance. A bite here and there, accompanied by a softer peck to ease the pain. You both followed this ritual over and over again, not even thinking about where you were or what you were doing.

Hands were flying everywhere, to feel hair, neck, shoulders, and pretty much anything else they could reach. It was all becoming too much. You both were sweating and panting but did not show any signs of stopping.

One special scratch of nails on his shaved head made Dante snap, breaking the contact with your lips. He reaches for your thighs, lifting you up with ease. Your legs instantly wrapped around him and you both suddenly stayed still, enjoying the sensation of being in each other's arms.

You fit so perfectly in his arms and Dante felt like he could hold you forever.

However, you both realized where you were, your senses coming back for a moment. 

“We need to get out of here, amor,” he said, still holding you firmly. If you did not leave now Dante would take you right here and you sure would not complain.

Your hands caressed his head, smiling at him in response, “We do D, right fucking now.”

He smiled so big you could count every tooth in his mouth. You both started laughing and he put you back on the ground.

Smiles, intertwined hands, hearts full of love, and bodies full of desire. That's how you both left the district that night. 

Thankfully, you did not meet anyone on your way out. It was late and the difficult case they solved that day had sent everyone rushing home to rest. 

Rest. Something you and Dante would not be having tonight, and everyone who set eyes on you at that moment could see that. But no one did, thank God.

But it was not like they did not know already. It would be anything but a surprise for your friends and coworkers.

“Well damn. So much for no in-house relationships, right Hank?” Platt said laughing after you and Dante walked up to Intelligence after first being introduced to each other.

Hank ran a hand across his face, eyeing the stairs you both went up seconds ago. You literally just met, what the hell? He never has a moment of peace.

“If you ask me, this is all your fault, Hank," Platt said with a taunting smile, she loves teasing him about this ongoing Intelligence situation. “You always choose such perfect partners, they can't help but sleep with each other.”

Voight groans, “For goodness sake.”

I was hit with inspiration for my man, isn't he delicious? I love how this one came out! Feel free to reblog, like, and share your thoughts <3 Btw we need more Dante Torres fics!

[jenchan-writingmultis]

Pavia x Human! Reader (Headcanon/s) Brainrot

A/n: My first Reverse 1999 Brainrot! I hope you like it! I've been thinking about who to make first and I decided to make my first main, Pavia! I love this feisty little man. The Navigation List for Reverse 1999 will come soon! ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა ─────❅───── Genre: Fluff/Suggestive Pairing: Pavia x Human! Reader Warning: SUGGESTIVE, cussing, Pavia (He gets his own warning) Scenting, Marking. Pet names (cucciolata means puppy) Credits: The design was made by me in Canva and the art that was used is all from the Official Reverse 1999 art. The line breakers are from Kaomoji dividers!

Masterlist ─────❅─────

Pavia who would often end up nuzzling your neck and pulling you closer after a rough day of doing his "mixed" works, either escorting a target, killing the target, or transporting goods with his wolves.

Pavia hates heavy workloads, if you were someone who's a workaholic, be ready cause if he saw you working ON weekends or working too hard on weekdays especially since Monday to Wednesdays are his chill days, he'd have a scowl on his face that you probably won't notice cause you're too focused on your task. Pavia is literally right there and you don't want to pay attention to him? fine. he'd drag you away from your pesky computer and flop you on his lap, opening the TV to watch some shitty show or whatever, all he knows is that if this gets you to spend time with him, he'd watch any stupid show you want. If you complained he'd shove a piece of gelato in your mouth, the good ones, and say "Shut up, you're working too hard," he caresses your arm his metal rings gliding on your skin before he places his hand on your waist, pulling you closer so that you rest your body on his. "Take a rest cucciolotta"

Pavia's wolves would also be a part of your lives, every day, Peter, Andrea, Maleficent, Tonika, and Leona would scent you; their scents are all part of Pavia's scent, so he never minded. They are all protective of you, after all, you're Pavia's mate, and they value everything their owner values. Usually, Pavia has them follow you under your shadows, and the ones volunteering would be Peter, Andrea, and Tonika, The other two, Maleficent and Leona, are responsible for updating Pavia if you're in danger, he trusts that his wolves could handle whatever his enemies can throw at you, but the audacity to even try it though? he finds it laughable that they had the balls. Expect to see their possessions in Pavia's cabinet once you're safe.

Every night, once you're in bed with Pavia, they will often go out in the shadows to cuddle you two, be prepared for fluffy voids!

Pavia is canonically a very light sleeper, while he finds it weird why you sleep so damn long, as long as you catch up on your rest, he guessed it's fine, you got a bodyguard for a boyfriend, for free too, you're lucky. He'd usually sleep for just 3 to 4 hours but never fully 8 hours, you wonder how he survives with that sleeping schedule, then again he's an arcanist and you're human.

Pavia has a soft spot for you, although that doesn't change his treatment of you, he will always be blunt and brash when you're being stupid and reckless. He'd be the type to ground you to reality (surprisingly) if he finds that whatever plan you thought of was a literal dream, and by dream, it's not possible to achieve. If you're irrational, he'd be rational with you, imagine if you tried to suggest a stupid plan that could get you hurt, he'd look at you with an incredulous face before saying "That's a shitty plan, let's not do that if you don't wanna lose a limb.", but if it's vice versa, he wouldn't usually listen to you, heck he'd argue with you sometimes; especially if the plan was smart, just reckless, However if you start using your waterworks, he'd stiffen up, cause you crying means he's been a bad boyfriend and he doesn't like that; he'd grumble a bit before letting you win. he won't do the thing he was planning to do.

Pavia as a boyfriend means your life will be in constant thrills, he likes to see you shiver when he threatens you, what I mean by that is if you tried to ask him a simple question, especially regarding his hairstyle, he'd say that it would look great if you were pulling it, he'd be so touchy on you that he'd nibble on your ear just to whisper naughty things. telling you how his hands would fit your neck and how you'd look great withering underneath him. Suffice to say he's a biter and someone who enjoys it rough. Speaking of hands, Pavia enjoys having his hands all around you, as I mentioned before, the reason why is because he loves his hands! they're good for killing and making you squirm under him, it's also slightly bigger than yours, and he loves that, he likes to overpower you with his strength, especially if you're the type to get easily overwhelmed by it. You're like a prey that he keeps around just because he got attached to you.

Pavia likes to steal stuff from you. He likes to use excuses such as "you don't use it" or "I find it pretty" The reason why he does this is because he has a cabinet filled with your stuff, either a broken ballpen, a handkerchief whatever, if it's yours he keeps it, he just likes to hoard, just like how he likes to steal your attention if he finds you focusing on something else (he's very much like a dog and cat mixed together, or maybe a wolf?)

Pavia is unfortunately a bit easy to scam, although who would scam him? He's intimidating, he's the type to stare into a seller's eyes as if he could see into their souls. But if someone like Tennant for example, a person who knows their way into killers like him, as long as they use their words right they could get his money an example of this are people who speak in half-truths and half-lies; since Pavia is someone that could easily detect lies, he usually cannot tell if that person is lying or not when they're using that method. If he found out though that he got scammed when you told him, he will hunt down that asshole and make sure they never see the light of day.

Pavia is the type that when you wear something sexy for him or for an event, he'd whistle and leave a mark either on your exposed shoulders or neck, he's the type of boyfriend that would support you with whatever clothing you'd like, cause if someone even dares to sexualize you, he can fight.

Pavia has a sad backstory if you manage to break down his walls, he's still the same old as he was before all of that jazz except with a little extra love for you since you took the time to get to know him. He'd allow himself to be vulnerable around you, sharing stories from his past. He's the type who may not even realize the extent of the abuse he endured till you point it out, in which, he'd laugh and dismiss it as "Tough love from my aunt"

[pamicakery]

Hii Pami, I want to ask for some guidance. (long ask ahead)

I don't want to manifest anything physical, in fact I want a complete change of my self-concept and my inner-world. But I've been dealing with some some difficulties.

I feel like i need to get my desires through the void state. Getting in the void state would be a HUGE achievement for me. It would prove me that I can do anything. But it's been so difficult to get in the void state that I'm starting to hate it, it's so annoying, something so simple, I mean, a mere concept that I see as more powerful than me, it's literally stressing me out, like my cortisol levels are so high. The main reason I want to get in the void state is to prove my own power. If I would get into the void state, manifest my desires and succeed, I would have been the direct source of my desires. I want to be an active participant in the materialisation of my desires.

I literally HATE manifesting, I hate affirmations, the whole states talk, methods, the void state, shifting and EVERYTHING else because I don't understand any of it, nothing. I can understand the words but every single word about manifesting that I've read is literally meaningless because I haven't experienced it myself. And when I try to literally bend my self to succeed in manifesting, the void state, lucid dreaming, shifting, etc the amount of failures make me feel so dystopian, so fake, like I'll literally die in suffering trying to succeed. Because of that I literally have trauma of the law of assumption. I read something and then I go, subconsciously, "I'll probably fail at this, it'll just end up in me failing AGAIN, I'm wasting my time". But I still want my desires, so somehow, I want this to work. That's why I'm seeking help, because I want this to work, even if I have to go throw my own journey, with my own methods and manifesting my desires in totally unconventional ways, that no one has tried before.

Am I the source of everything? Because as I explained i want to be in control of the materialisation of my desires, but, it's seems literally impossible? Like all over loa tumblr bloggers are always saying that I am in control of everything, everything is me pushed out, and all of that self-concept talk, but I can't do it. For some reason my will is not enough for me to manifest. It's like there's some outside power in control of everything, which scares me, it's like I need to affirm, get into the state of the wish fulfilled and then the "power" will grant me my desires, BUT, i thought I granted my own desires? The '''''power''''' is time? Fulfilment? States? Only after a certain period of time I can get my desires, it can't be instantly. Only after I'm fulfilled I can get my desires, even though that have proved itself to be wrong. Only if I'm in the desired state I'll get my desires, even though that has also proved itself to be wrong. I'm writing from experience, "things" don't happen in the 3d because of time, fulfillment nor states, SHIT JUST HAPPENS. Whether it be my "lucky days" or my misery and physical abuse, it just happened. I hate manifestation because it literally means that I have to do "x"(methods, be in the states of the wish fulfilled, etc) prove myself worthy of my desires and maybe, if the "power" is in a "good mood" I'll get my desires. It's like "I'll get in the void state today" and when I don't succeed I did something wrong. Why can't I just succeed because I said so?

Anyway, this are just some major doubts that I have with the law, it's so complicated that I hate manifesting because it feels like a chore. I hope you can help me.

(Sorry for the long text)

Okay so first, read my post because appearantly they are very helpful. And second of all stop identifying with failure. Okay? I mean, you are the only being in your reality to have a conscious mind and Imagination. The only one. For a fact everything you imagine comes into the 3d.

Ex : You are scared when you have a nightmare or

Smiling when you imagine a good memory.

If you think it's impossible and until today you don't have anything, then Loa exist. The law exist. You just mastered it... In a bad way but still you mastered it.

Being pessimistic is choosing the bad ending. Having faith is choosing the good one. I don't think you came here to suffer, nobody does in reality.

If your mind telling you '' You have your desire '', you have it. In the Divine dimension and then in the human dimension (the 3d). Stop seeking something Divine in a human dimension.

Be in a state of someone positive, who have their desires because you were embodying the opposite and here your results.

Believe in your imagination instead of people outside of you. Stop wanting to contradict yourself so much with checking the evidence of you not having it.

You want to check? Go in your mind and tell yourself you have it. I want you to visualize a bee in your mind, by repeating the image of the bee you will embody someone who is seeing a bee. Then you'll see a bee. Do it and see.

Glad to help🖤💛🐝

[itsblasttothepast]

Checo's time at mclaren was similar to what's happening now, no?

No, not really, for starters, the circumstances were wildy different:

When Checo was in McLaren:

He was a rookie, barely out the nest from Sauber, being teammates with the nicest guy ever (Kamui, how I miss you).

His new teammate was already a world champion (Jenson Button, 2009), and he was clearly the inexperienced for the press.

He was substituting Lewis Hamilton, another already world champion, and fan favorite. Most of the hate Checo received back then was because Hamilton moved on to Mercedes.

McLaren was in the middle of restructuring his cars, and the team was kind of a mess back then. The phrase 'that's why we hired him' was heard so many times in so many interviews...

Finally, Checo never felt part of the team entirely and they fired him like nothing. Checo's dad said that it was the ultimate betrayal for Checo, since he gave everything to be in McLaren and now he was without a seat.

And yes, he was quite hated in his time in McLaren, but mostly because Lewis left and Jenson kept complaining about Checo's driving style. Something that's the same though, when everything went wrong, everyone blamed Checo (still happening with RBR).

However, with RBR (Red Bull Racing), things were like this:

He was more experienced and had more knowledge of developing the cars, Force India and Racing Point always tried to adjust the car to Checo's needs.

Checo was part of one of Horner's teams back in GP2, so Horner knew him and followed his career in F1 (Horner's words).

RBR had problems mantaining a second driver, since the team focused on Max.

Nobody in RBR wanted Checo, except for Horner. They wanted someone from their academy, so Horner had to twist everyone's arm so they could at least consider Checo. This shows that the team didn't exactly received him with open arms.

He knew his job: Secure Max's first championship. That was the goal, he had to be the second driver that helped Max achieve the glory. One time when they interviewed Checo, they asked him about blocking Lewis and Checo said that he knew Lewis would understand because he was doing it for HIS team. He already felt part of the family, even when most didn't want him there.

He was (is) older than Max, more relaxed and also, can take the heat and pressure.

What's the difference? Yes, he was hated in McLaren, but in RBR he's the focus, even more than Max. Almost every news, rumour, post... it's about Checo, or something someone said about him. And the focus is 80% negativity because RBR is a mess team. Always followed by drama.

Oh, and a big, BIG difference, in McLaren, Checo was single and had no kids. In RBR he's married with children, and people has no boundaries by messing with them; imagine being Checo's wife and reading that the press say your husband has 'drug money' or 'mafia money' or other many racists comments.

So no, it's not the same, the hate he gets now is awfully worse. And people don't seem to understand WHY is wrong acting this way.

I still have hope for Checo moving to another team, I know he wants to retire in RBR, but if he goes to Audi (with NICOOOO), or even if I'm right and Otmar brings another team, I think the press will finally let him go and let him race in peace (one can only dream).

[charmedreincarnation]

https://www.tumblr.com/charmedreincarnation/716304528371236864/httpswwwtumblrcomcharmedreincarnation7161223?source=share

Hii its me

I copied my ask earlier. Although I am feeling slightly better and confident I would really do with your help 🥺

I so badly want to have my desires yet when it comes to doing the work I get lazy because I am scared the same thing is going to happen all over again. I will do great and then some negative thoughts that dont even make sense will ruin everything. I want to tap in the void state but I have ao many irrational fears piled up. As soon as I put my focus away from the void these fears make zero sense but as soon as I start to work in my void concept these fears become so real and annoying tht at this point am scared to even start working on my void concept because I only get false hope and exhaustion when I try to work towards my goals. I thought I will manifest my desires my jan but it passed then I thought it will be by feb but now even april is over. Its been four long years like this. I came to know about the void in dec 2022 and I thought I will tap in but I feel like the exception. My self concept is trash I go to work on it but fail miserably because every single thing tells me the opposite even if 3d is just a reflection its hard. I thought I will tap in the void and change my sc but even the void feels far far away. I wanted to get in the void in jan and I feel stuck. Everyone is making great progress but me. I will be 19 soon. I feel like a failure. I hate to live like this. Maya please guide me and help me please. I see so many people deciding that they will taap in tonight and they do or people simply affirming and getting in even some people with bad voidconcept. I really need help and guidance. My appearance, mental health , studies ,body, social life everything has degraded so badly I cant eben express the pain.

I understand that you are feeling frustrated and scared about your manifesting journey. Remember, Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled and observe the route that your attention follows. This means that by focusing on the end result and experiencing the feeling of having already achieved it, you will naturally be guided towards your desired outcome.

Do not let fear and negative thoughts hold you back from your desires. "You are the operant power,babe, you have the power to change your reality through your thoughts and beliefs.

"Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live." The key is to focus on the version of yourself that has already manifested your desires, and live as if that reality is already yours.Do not compare yourself to others or their progress. Your own wonderful human imagination is the actual creative power of God within you. Trust in your imagination and your ability to manifest your desires, regardless of what others may or may not be doing.

I promise, you are never too old or late to set another goal or to dream a new dream. Your age nor date does not define your ability to manifest your desires, and it's never too late to start working towards them.Be kind to yourself, practice self-love, and believe in yourself and your ability to manifest your desires. Assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled, and feel grateful for the desire already being fulfilled. Thank yourself for already granting your desire, and trust in the process.

As for your 3D I understand how hard it is. But again, "You are the operant power." No matter what your 3D reality may seem like, you have the power to change it through your thoughts and beliefs. Focus on your desires as if they have already been fulfilled, and live from that state of being.

As Edward Art said, "Great things never came from comfort zones." Push yourself out of your comfort zone and imagine the reality you truly desire, despite any limitations in your current 3D reality. Visualize your desires and hold onto the feeling as if they have already been fulfilled. "The more we practice, the easier it gets, and the more expansive our lives become."

As Edward Art also said, "Action is the physical manifestation of thought." Take inspired action towards your desires, no matter how small the steps may be. You can start with not being so harsh to yourself. Your imagination will reflect regardless but don’t be kind to person you are now just because you’ll love the person you’ll be in the future

You can Believe you can and you're halfway there already, so just accept it’s yours and that’s all. Believe in yourself, trust in yourself and ability, and let go of any limiting beliefs or doubts. You have the power to manifest your desires, no matter what your current 3D reality may look like I promise.

This is the last ask I’m answering until I return, but I really hope to see more success stories :)! We all deserve our dreams lives and ily all so much,including you anon 🫶

[jade-moonlight]

“Honeymoon” by Lana Del Rey

An Analysis of Track 1 of Honeymoon (album)

This is part of a series I’m starting to deepen my understanding of Lana’s music and pop culture as a whole. I'm not all knowing, and I won't analyze the instrumentals because I haven't studied poetry or music. This is a lyrical analysis meant to inspire your own thoughts and open the conversation up. I hope you enjoy :)

(Wilshire Blvd in green, Pico Blvd in purple and the Hidden Hills in blue.)

Verse 1:

“We both know that it's not fashionable to love me / But you don't go 'cause truly there's nobody for you but me / We could cruise to the blues / Wilshire Boulevard* if we choose / Or whatever you want to do / We make the rules”

* Millionaire socialist, Henry Wilshire, developed the land once used as a trade route for native americans into a central connection for businessmen.

Wilshire is depicted in the film Sunset Boulevard. [Sunset Boulevard is an LA Noir about a scriptwriter that manipulates a washed-up actress into a sexual relationship in order to steal her script. SPOILERS: After claiming she will kill herself, he leaves her once he discovers her plan to expose his con and she kills him in retaliation. As police and press arrive to arrest her, she feels happy believing her stardom to be returned. In the film, they drive on Wilshire Boulevard.] Here is the clip:

On her honeymoon in LA, Lana is hurt after finding out people in the music scene hate her. She projects this hatred onto her husband secretly believing that he only stays with her because he can't find anyone else. They spend their honeymoon, driving around their home in the Hollywood Hills listening to the blues as Lana imagines herself to be the femme fatale in Sunset Boulevard. Believing that she has fulfilled her quest for freedom ("It takes getting everything you ever wanted and losing it to know what true freedom is"), Lana lives without a care in the world.

"Our honeymoon / Our honeymoon / Our honeymoon / Say you want me too / Say you want me too / Dark blue / Dark blue"

Without any responsibilities, Lana relaxes into her new relationship and her new life in LA. Now that she has made it (and lost it), she begins to reveal the facade. Her husband is apprehensive and distant as Lana continues to beg him to love her back (in Sunset Boulevard, even going as far as to threaten suicide). Her blue and his black mix together to create the color dark blue, a symbol of the abuse they've both experienced in life. However, Lana believes that she is developing a higher consciousness and has gone out of the black stage of her trauma and into the blue, while her husband remains stuck in the black stage.

"We both know the history of violence that surrounds you / But I'm not scared, there's nothing to lose now that I found you / And we could cruise to the news / Pico Boulevard* in your used / Little bullet car* if we choose / Mr. born to lose*"

*Named after the Mexican governor of Alta California, Pico Blvd runs mostly parallel to Wilshire, and is home to many important fixtures in the music and film industry (like the Recording Academy).

*The car references the infamous chase scene in Bullitt where a police officer investigating a mob boss evades two hitman through the city streets. Here's the clip:

*Born to lose is a Ray Charles/Johnny Cash blues song about a man too caught up in his vices to realize that he is fumbling every opportunity to achieve his dreams and ends with his girl leaving him after being tired of his shit. Listen to their songs here:

After the sudden arrival of people from her new husband's past, Lana discovers that he has a history of violent behavior. Due to her own tendencies to rage and her ex husband leaving her, Lana feels lost in life and doesn't care about the abuse he inflicts on her since she is planning on using him to fulfill her own dreams.

In LA, Lana coaxes her new husband into driving around with her to recreate the memories she has with her ex, however, his past isn't far behind. He destroys Lana's dream of aimlessly driving around, listening to the news on the radio, for fear of being caught by people from his past and Lana recalls the blues song born to lose. She claims that he ignores the consequences of his actions like the man in the song, calling him Mr. Born to Lose (which matches her Ms. Born to Die personality) and foreshadowing her choice to break up with him.

"Our honeymoon / Our honeymoon / Our honeymoon / Say you want me too / Say you want me too / Dark blue / Dark blue"

Lana uses this chorus to seduce her husband by leading him to believe that she thinks he can change or be fixed, while she secretly plots how to leave him.

"There are violets* in your eyes* / There are guns that blaze* around you / There are roses* in between my thighs / And fire* that surrounds you / It's no wonder every man in town / Had neither fought nor found you / Everything you do is elusive / To even your honey dew*"

*Violets are Lana's favourite flower and represent her embodiment of innocence and humility as major life goals.

*The eyes are the windows to the soul.

*The guns that blaze are SPOILER: references to the gunshots the femme fatale uses to kill the scriptwriter in Sunset Boulevard.

*Roses are symbols of romance, secrecy and political movement, specifically the socialist movement.

*In this case, fire represents destruction, purification, enlightenment and commitment to knowledge. This also references the explosion at the end of the chase scene in Bullitt.

*Honey dew is a city in California, a sweet sap produced by insects (specifically Cicadas in the summer), and a melon (a sweet fruit that attracts bees). In Greek Mythology, it relates to the creation of humanity as a honeydew falls from a tree producing ash (the material humans are made of in the myth).

Lana shares her dreams of humiliating her abusive husband and outsmarting him, hoping to destroy their relationship and enlighten him as her first act in her newfound commitment to knowledge. Lana uses sex to maintain secrecy from her husband about her new socialist beliefs as she wants to maintain his perception of her purity. In her opinion, her husband is a viole(n)t (man) because of his inability to realize the extent of his humiliating behavior and his lack of awareness of world issues.

Both movies collide, as Lana tries to live her Sunset Boulevard life while facing her Bullitt reality. Both of her husbands merge into one, where no one in the town can catch her runaway ex husband or fight her abusive new husband. As both relationships become memories, Lana finds difficulty in recalling the details (perhaps as a coping mechanism), which could explain her reliance on these films to explain their relationship. Despite still living in LA, Lana remembers their time spent together as happening in a far away place, like the Garden of Eden, where she was Eve, her ex husband was Adam and her new husband was the snake.

"Our honeymoon / Our honeymoon / Our honeymoon"

By the end of their relationships, Lana's honeymoon has left dew similar to that on grass in the early morning as she is left with only the fruits of her labor.

"Dreaming away your life* / Dreaming away your life / Dreaming away your life / Dreaming away your life / Dreaming away your life / Dreaming away your life"

*Los Angeles is known not only as the city of angels, but as the city of dreams. This references the California/American Dream (gold rush), the moviemaking industry, Gloria Alvarez's poem, and Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams".

For Gloria’s Poem:

For Green Day's song about walking the streets of NYC alone after having your dreams crushed over and over again.

In referencing the notes, Lana concludes that LA is much like her in its ability to seduce residents with an angel and destroy residents with its fire. Once she wakes from her slumber, Lana realizes much of this story to be a maladaptive daydream. She accepts that she is alone in life, although whether she will continue dreaming away her life or will make the changes to get out of this toxic lifestyle is ambiguous.

If you liked this song, check out: Honeymoon (album) as it follows Lana's dream more deeply, LA WHO AM I TO LOVE YOU (poem) as it talks about the love Lana now has for LA, and California (song) which references Gloria's concept of Santa Ana and the imagined reality of LA.

[crimswnred]

What’s the li’s like as spouses

hello anon, I'm so sorry for taking so long to get to your ask 🥺🥺 I wanted to have time to answer it properly and now I finally have it! hope you understand xx

SO YEAH! since you didn't specify which ones, I'll be writing for my favourites.

SEASON 1

Tim

there's a solid friendship foundation in this relationship that allows you to be silly with each other. no day is the same when you're with him and he makes things so much lighter. he sees the bright side on every situation and it can be annoying some times (I can see MC being "why aren't you freaking out?") but he wants to keep himself calm so you're allowed to freak out — but he totally cries with you when you're feeling really down. may be a little messy and I feel like you'd have to ask him exactly what you want him to do but never denies helping you. when you have children, he is the best dad ever!!

Talia

you guys are a team. everything is talked through before you take action and that's exactly what keeps your relationship stable. you feel like you can always talk about anything that bothers you and she'll do her best to understand you but also give her pov. fights happen sometimes, of course, but you always find your way around it. she plans some cute moments with wine and music at home so you two can relax. she also loves decorating your house together and is always buying something new for it. overall, it's a very, very calm relationship. she's definitely your rock! I don't see her wanting to have children so soon, if at all.

Jake

he encourages you to always follow your dreams and goals and to also be your best self. the pressure can be a lot sometimes which can lead to some fights but in the end you know he just wants what's best for you. he is super close to your family, specially the kids and loooooves to cook with your relatives, or better, for them. also likes to gossip with the old ladies. oh, and you two always go grocery shopping together, it's a fun little time for both of you. he totally loves sharing housework and his favourite time is when you two are doing the dishes together and talking about each other's days.

♡ these got to big, so there's more under the cut 👇

SEASON 2

Bobby

this guy is your best friend, your teammate and your favourite person. you are always laughing when he's around and your family adores him. and you adore his family, too! your whole relationship is very family-oriented and you're thinking of having kids as soon as possible. plus, he always pick your side when there's a conflict going on and he reminds you constantly that you're in this together. he loves to do silly things together like building forts, watching movies outside, changing the walls colours just because. however, he can come across as childish sometimes which can lead to fights. he also hates conflict so it'll be hard to get him to talk to you eye to eye. but it's definitely something he can learn with time.

Noah

your mother knew you were endgame when she met him and god, she wasn't wrong. Noah is exactly what you always wanted on a partner. he is responsible, loves children, can be silly when he feels comfortable and knows how to love in silence. there's no big gesture like the movies because Noah shows his love every day in little actions. in your house, I can see him being the one who does the housework the most. he is just neat and organised by nature. I also think he loves doing long road trips with you and the kids. during summer weekends, when you're not visiting a friend or relative, you're both sitting in the garden, reading and listening to a vinyl record from your collection. when it's raining, he makes you tea and you cuddle while watching the rain from the couch.

Carl

since Carl is a CEO of a tech company, I imagine he has a lot of events he can't miss. gala-type ones. you two are used to those and everyone who sees you knows you're a power couple. Carl always encourages you to achieve success in your career and is really greatful for you being there for his even when times get tough in his company. of course, you fight because of his busy schedule but in the end there's always a solution and you can easily work around it. I feel like he worships you and your strength, and he is really proud of you. feels a little out of place at first with your family but with time he adjusts to their ways and soon enough he is helping your mom with the onions.

Lucas

you two are always traveling around the globe and are a couple that loves to give back to the world through charity work. he's not that close to his family but he really finds solace in yours, even if he always jokes about how annoying the little ones are. you two have decided not having kids and your place is really mature and neat, mainly because that's how Lucas likes to keep his things. He definitely makes housework easier and you never once had to tell you to take the wet towel out of your bed. sometimes, you don't see eye to eye in some topics and Lucas can be extremely stubborn when he thinks he's right but he learnt to sit down and talk it through. oh, he's also a little jealous from time to time.

SEASON 3

AJ

this girl has your back. she's more than your best friend, she's also your heart and home. you two love to go out together, even if it's just for some ice-cream, and things are always fun with her around. she's a mess at home but she knows it, so she's always helping you around with the housework to compensate. you two share a house with a big garden and also adopted at least one pet. AJ loves to take you to her games and you even have some jerseys with her number and name on it. both your families are really loud and you just love bringing them together during holidays. speaking of which, AJ just loooooves Christmas and she always gifts you something really special and you love to try to guess what it is — it has become a little game between the two of you.

Harry

he is so greatful for how supportive you're of him. he has issues, he knows that, but knowing you believe in him and loves him despite it all makes him feel deserving of good things. that's why he is the most supportive partner you ever had. no, really. he is so proud of you and he is so loud about it, always gushing about you with your friends and relatives. your house is filled with pictures of you two together and you're so close it has become rare to see one without the other. there's bumps on the road, every relationship has its ups and downs, yet it's easy to talk to him, specially because his used to talk about his feelings. you have much fun with his family and he loves being part of yours as well.

Seb

days of indie records and singing in the shower awaits you when you marry Seb. you learn to have fun even with mundane tasks such as cleaning and doing the dishes. you two find the company of one another comforting, even when it's just silence. when you're working on your stuff alone on the study, you feel relieved when you hear his deep voice singing the catchy chorus that's stuck in his head at the moment — and there's always a song stuck in his head, by the way. you're not that close to his family since Seb himself is not that close, but that's fine, you two are forming your own family now. your favourite moment of every day is when you two lie awake, staring at each other.

SEASON 4

Angie

her schedule is crazy and her work demands a lot of her but somehow Angie always finds a way to be there for you when you need her. she's the definition of "if they wanted, they would." she has set the bar so high you're afraid of never loving again if she breaks up — but don't worry, Angie would never even dream about a life without you. the day you married was the best day of your life and you never looked back. you two do the corniest shit together and then laugh and promise each other you'll never tell her sisters about it. talking bout the sisters, they love you. you're like one of them and it's always so fun when they are around (although they can get annoying sometimes). you two also have matching everything — clothes, bracelets, keychains, necklaces, and so on...

Bruno

you rehearsed that joke a thousand times but there's nothing quite like watching your husband telling it to a crowd. Bruno loves to parade you on his comedy clubs, introducing you to friends and acquaintances. you can see the pride in his eyes when he tells them you're his wife and all the things you have accomplished. sometimes, you have to stop him mid sentence so he won't brag forever. his Instagram looks like a fanclub dedicated to you and honestly you kinda love it. he's not afraid of showing the world you're in love and that's refreshing for you. housework is always fun because Bruno has a way of making everything enjoyable. once, he invented a game to get you two into cleaning the living room and the loser had to be the big spoon for a week — he was so happy after winning it.

SEASON 5

Finn

you didn't really believe it at first, when Finn said he was ready to fully commit but boy has he proved you wrong. he loves you fully and so loud. and he is sooo cheesy to. but you adore him. he's got your back and you know this. it's you two against the world but it's ok because he's the best teammate ever. some problems come and go, specially because of his past but he believes in you so you believe in him too. he can be a pain in the ass when it comes to housework though and you might have to ask him to do the lawn at least thrice before he gets moving.

Suresh

he's definitely making it up for the hard times he put you through. this man works hard and somehow still finds a way of doing most in your home. he is the one cooking, he is also the one doing the laundry and he's also the one taking care of the kids during the weekends. yeah, the relationship dynamics have changed a little when the first child was born, but once in a while you two have date nights that bring that wild side back to surface. however, this time around, your relationship has a really solid foundation based on much love, trust, honesty and companionship.

P.S: sorry for the length! <3 you got me rambling about my favs and that's what happens. I love this type of ask!

[eliaswyler]

TASK 001 — PERSONALITY.

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for – and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

MEYER'S BRIGGS — ENFP-A (The Campaigner)

People with the ENFP personality type are true free spirits – outgoing, openhearted, and open-minded. With their lively, upbeat approach to life, ENFPs stand out in any crowd. But even though they can be the life of the party, they don’t just care about having a good time. These personalities have profound depths that are fueled by their intense desire for meaningful, emotional connections with others. In their unique way, ENFPs’ introspective nature is driven by their imagination, wonder, and belief in things that cannot always be explained rationally. People with this personality type truly believe that everything – and everyone – is connected, and they live for the glimmers of insight that they can gain from these connections. They believe that how we treat one another really matters. In fact, ENFPs are the most likely personality type to believe in the concept of karma. Yet ENFP personalities can be tripped up in certain areas of their lives. When it comes to building relationships, choosing a career, or turning their dreams into reality, people with this personality type may need to consciously address their weaknesses and gain new skills – even as they draw on their many strengths.

MORAL ALIGNMENT — CHAOTIC GOOD

A chaotic good character acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect of him. He makes his own way, but he's kind and benevolent. He believes in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. He hates it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. He follows his own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society. Chaotic good is the best alignment you can be because it combines a good heart with a free spirit. However, chaotic good can be a dangerous alignment when it disrupts the order of society and punishes those who do well for themselves.

PRIMARY LOVE LANGUAGE — PHYSICAL TOUCH

Your Love Tank overflows with Physical Touch. You long for hand-holding and hugs. A warm embrace or a simple pat on the back helps you feel connected and cherished. Touch creates a bond of connectedness. And, for you, it communicates love and affection more than words ever could.

ENNEAGRAM — 7w8 (The Opportunist)

Enneagram 7w8’s most basic fear is to feel lost. Missing on life’s beauty and all the great things out there are their main concerns. They deeply perceive the world’s abundance and are fascinated by it. But instead of enjoying it peacefully, having a great time enjoying the ride, they get desperate. Am I on the right path? Am I moving away from what’s truly mine? How can I live all these amazing things I want to live before I die? The question list goes on, and so does the clock. That’s why 7w8 runs away. They won’t decide for a unique option, if they can they will do everything and try to save the boat at all cost. Enneagram 7w8’s most basic desire is to reach paradise on Earth. Living a beautiful life, and enjoying life’s wonders. From this deep need comes their constant effort to build an aesthetic reality, full of pleasures for all the senses. As tourists that only have a couple of days to get to know a new unexplored city, they want to seize every moment and not miss a thing. They want to be surrounded by love and joy. Feeling satisfied. And to achieve it, they embrace life intensely.

TEMPERAMENT — SANGUINE

Sanguine individuals are spontaneous and can be seen as impulsive at times. They have a tendency to live in the moment, which often leads to them being adaptable and flexible in different situations. They tend to be more interested in the present than in future plans or consequences. This trait, however, can also lead to difficulty in maintaining focus, staying organized, and following through on tasks. Moreover, sanguine people are often charismatic and are able to influence and inspire others with their vibrant energy and contagious enthusiasm. Their natural ability to create and maintain relationships often leads to a large network of friends and acquaintances. On the flip side, the sanguine temperament may lack depth in the analysis of situations and can sometimes take things too lightly, even when seriousness is required. This can lead to a tendency towards forgetfulness and disorganization. Their desire for social acceptance and fear of rejection can also make them overly sensitive to criticism.

[cassie-lmao]

words that were left unsaid, but i wish were said out loud. an open letter for my ex. might be rough.

"b-but... but imagine the hurt i had to go through to hurt the person who i knew loved me the most, and that's you! i knew you loved me so much you would have given me everything i'd ever asked for. and i still had to hurt you. you can't compare your hurt to mine because i was forced to hurt you for you to stop loving me! I DONT DESERVE LOVE!!!! ESPECIALLY GOOD KIND!!! I DONT DESERVE TO BE CARED ABOUT!!!"

alright then, a simple no would have sufficed. a simple "look, i can't watch you do this to yourself. especially for me because i think i'm worthless. you can't change that and right now i'm not in a situation where i could either. but i want you to leave me alone or i'll block you for your own sake." and im gone. im fucking gone. out of your life. forever. BUT NOOOO instead of that you became straight up abusive over the course of MONTHS and drained and tore every fibre of my optimism, my happiness, my cheerfulness, my love, my care, my child-like playfulness i thought i lost a long time ago before you found it for me, my EVERYTHING, the entirety of my OWN SOUL out of me. you stripped me of what made me "me". i reached a point where i cant live with OR without you. you pushed me to the point where i was forced to make the choice to leave or end up either commiting or in the psych ward. you made me hate everything because everything reminds me of you. of how good we started then how terrible we became. my bed reminds me of all the nights i went to sleep with the biggest smile on my face, tearing up, because i was so happy to have you. then all the memories of me crying myself to sleep because you didn't treat me with love anymore. my favorite videogames remind me how i always recorded my favorite scenes for you to see, then how i played to distract me from the pain.. the social media platforms are all tainted with memories of us exchanging heartfelt conversations, then how i stared at your dry or passive aggressive responses.

your voice, your laugh, your smile, your beauty, they live in my head rent-free and they always show up in my dreams.

everything reminds me how i fell for you like i did for no other and you chose to became LITERALLY ABUSIVE instead of working on your inability to accept love or at the very least, send me off for good so i don't become this fucking miserable. how you gave me zero explanation. how i watched the love of my life slowly become more and more distant until we were like strangers. strangers, who were at each others throats almost every day because one always attacked so the other had to constantly be on edge preparing for the next fight.

AND WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, AFTER MONTHS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE, I AM GONE, FOREVER, the same fucking result you could have EASILY achieved with communication. like a fucking grown up.

but no, instead, you crippled me emotionally. and then, after everything you did, you get to say you are hUrTiNg MoRe???? almost as if i was the one abusing you because i couldn't let you go for a long long time. well fuck off you self centered selfish sociopathic piece of shit. i hope one day you pull your head out of your ass and face what you fucking did instead of running away like you always do.

and p.s: dont forget you told me how your ex treated you. how you traumabonded with them and how long you were struggling with it. and then you treated me in LITERALLY THE SAME FUCKING WAY, and would you look at that, I TRAUMABONDED TOO. one would think someone who experienced a traumabond first-hand would have more awareness and wouldn't do that to someone else but you absolutely did it to me instead of walking away. are you this fucking obliviously stupid or are you just this evil??

[golbrocklovely]

since i have nothing else to post right now…

here’s the last of colby’s tweets from 2020.

i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.

if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.

if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol

added bonus: if they have a * next to them, that means it’s been deleted

~~~~~~~~~~

Oct. 1 - love doing things for myself

Oct. 4 - i’m in so much pain. sos

fan: u ok?

poison oak. everywhere …. everywhere.

Oct. 5 - i like the simple things

Oct. 7 - less is more

Oct. 10 - i wanna make you happy

how am i so busy during the day but still manage to find 2 hours to mindlessly scroll through tik tok? i can’t be the only one

Oct. 14 - i care too much

Oct. 15 - somehow it wasn’t enough

Oct. 18 - fan: I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT COLBY SMELLED LIKE..I WANA KNOW WHAT COLOGNE HE WEARS

mayonnaise

(i hate this man so much lmao)

Oct. 19 - Justin Bieber’s new song made me tear up, that dudes been through so much. no one could even imagine what that’s like.. achieving everything and being in the biggest spotlight at such a young age.

Oct. 20 - @/samgolbach: less than 6 months ago i broke my back. and i decided to take that as a challenge to get healthy again. and today i ran the fastest mile i’ve ever run. so yes, i might be an idiot but i’m a determined idiot 🤘🏼🏃🏼

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 that’s an insane accomplishment ! i remember when it was a struggle to stand up out of bed

new day, same cycle

Oct. 21 - my mom is texting me all the young pictures of me and it’s bringing me memories i didn’t know i had

Oct. 25 - panic attacks late at night are the worst

Nov. 1 - @/colbybrockscar: reminder that it’s no nut November!!! @/ColbyBrock doesn’t even have to try. He’s got this shit in the bag. It probs comes out like baby powder if he tries

did my car just roast me ?

Nov. 4 - this is scary

cuties! all 3 of you! (reply to fan in merch with friend and cat)

Nov. 6 - @/GracynCarr: I can’t believe the audacity of a high school tweet to pop up on my timeline lmao.. miss u tho @/ColbyBrock :)

hope you're well xx

Nov. 8 - so much talent thank youu love (reply to fan's art)

fan: Um. So I tweeted this to you before but alot has also changed since then sooo wanted to say thank you 🖤 🖤 @/ColbyBrock

proud of you, and good luck with your dreams darlin 🖤 you can accomplish anything with the right mindset and hard work. i believe in ya

time flies, and i’m so scared of losing my youth. it’s inevitable i know, but damn makes you wanna cherish every moment you got

Nov. 11 - i hate when nothing is wrong but nothing feels right

Nov. 12 - the person who makes you forget about the rest of the world

Nov. 13 - today marks 6 years since we posted our first YT video on the MAIN S&C account .. 🖤 what a wild ride

Nov. 14 - promise you i’m a good waste of time

Nov. 15 - @/katstuartmusic: “sunday is my funday” - colby brock 2020

🥂💁🏻‍♂️💁🏻‍♂️

fan: Colby u get drunk off of one white claw

fight me

other fan: my money is on mags

round house kicks to the face don’t feel too good

(is it bad that i like when colby gets weirdly violent with us sksksks)

Nov. 16 - the Why Dont We dudes are some of the nicest people in LA

*Nov. 17 - @/gabytriana: It’s out! Sam and Colby were so much fun to work with, and despite what Colby said, I did not hate him when we first met! 😆 Both he and Sam are super kind, smart, generous entertainers who know how to tell a good story! I love them both!! Happy Book Birthday, @/samandcolby

hahaha thank youu so much for all the hard work ! so excited it’s finally here

(interestingly enough, colby didn't delete his tweet… gaby did)

Nov. 19 - went to a Pyschic Reader tonight. my mind is blown. im not a skeptic anymore, video coming tomorrow

fan: Get ready for religious people to freak out

the psychic i talked to was religious, i’m not sure how but i think the two concepts can exist at the same time

Nov. 21 - hard to trust

fan: @/ColbyBrock hey, i love u lots

love you 🖤

Nov. 23 - fan: imagine if @/ColbyBrock responded to this

could you imagine

Nov. 24 - fan: lmao okay so my friend put this together when I FINALLY received Colby's reaper merch yesterday and I had to laugh, I am actually stupid. But I thought it was a lil funny so y'all can see it too then xx

hahahha love it. thank you. you’re not a sack of potatoes in my eyes

Nov. 27 - happy b day @/SamGolbach you know this and imma save the sappy shit for your big 25th bday but i wouldn’t be here without you. you’re the most intelligent, deep thinking dude i’ve ever met and i feel pretty damn lucky to be able to call you a business partner AND best friend

Nov. 28 - take it easy

Nov. 30 - should i hop back on tik tok?

Dec. 2 - @/aaron_doh: At least I got a photo shoot out of it 😄

whaaat. dude i wish you a speedy recovery

Dec. 3 - it’s hard to move on

Dec. 5 - a nice escape is all i need

welp. i guess i’m a lightweight

Dec. 9 - miss you

Dec. 14 - all the baggage that comes with me

Dec. 15 - been workin hard for you , announcement tomorrow

fan: omg are you pregaganant

how'd you know

@/samandcolby: announcement tomorrow… 2021 will be the best year of our lives (and probably most difficult)

fan: are we getting married?? is that why?

yes

i hate how having anxiety makes me nauseous. it’s the worst feeling

Dec. 16 - it’s all about living in the moment and making every. second. count.

fan: yeah @/ColbyBrock how much are you charging for tattoos…

free for you

Dec. 18 - big tool pic but i’ve been workin hard

@/mannymua733: we absolutely do not mind

hahahaha

(god damn… this pic is still so good lol)

also cold weather always makes me want a special someone to spend time with. cuddle buddy is neeeeeded

fan: okay but can we just take a second to appreciate how hard colby’s been working in the gym because dayum

thank you sweeeetheart

fan: HELP COLBY IS TRENDING

yoo i love you guys 🥺

Dec. 20 - got tatted last night and i barely remember

how i feel this morning (pic of him floating)

fan: you’ve seen elf on the shelf… but have you seen cole in a hole? (@/ColbyBrock)

i’m mad i laughed at this

Dec. 23 - why’d ya have to change on me

so bittersweet saying goodbye to my childhood home of 18 years… i’ll only be back to kansas to visit and sleep in hotels from now on. strange feeling, but so happy for my mom and dad for taking a chance and moving

it’s like i don’t have a real “home” anymore. since i move so much anyways it’s hard to find a spot to actually call home

fan: i just want to say that colby has helped me through so much this year. i had a tough year as many others did but you’ve seriously have helped me through so much. i love you so so much @/ColbyBrock

awh that’s why i make videos in the first place. for people like you

Dec. 24 - addicted to you

my mom and i are the weirdest duo on the planet when we’re together i swear

fan: Make a video with her for Christmas

my whole family despises being on camera 💔

Dec. 25 - fan: momma brock is the sweetest ever

she’s my favorite woman in the world

Merry Christmas friends ! 🖤

i wish i could have face tats for like one week but it doesn’t really work like that huh

Dec. 26 - everyone’s battling their own demons

Dec. 28 - fan: Colby drinking wine but he's such a lightweight that he's probably drunk, lmao @/ColbyBrock

🤫🤫🤫

fan: the vibes are fucking ethereal i’m guessing @/ColbyBrock

you got it

[lilikags]

reo thing

There’s a part of this fandom who believes that Reo had everything he wanted, growing up. Well, he’s rich. He could buy everything he wanted. Well then, does that make sense? To a lot of people, yes- after all, what else could he want that he could not get? Wasn’t he the guy who always said “Get what you want”? 

But here’s the thing: what did he want? It’s easy to think that he just wanted to be popular- to get good grades, to win competitions, to have everyone’s support. That’s what he did, that’s what he was to the people in Hakuho. But were those actions really because he wanted it, or because he was told to do it? Now, he’s pretty much every parent's dream child- with that many achievements, any parent would be proud. He always looked like he was on that path, the one for success and always having every resource he could possibly touch. But did he want that, or did his parents want that? You tell me. 

What might be really hard to consider is that Reo thinks everybody hates him- so he can’t trust anyone. Now, think about it: when you have billions of dollars at your disposal, do any of your peers think that you’re “one of them” or “relatable”? No, your money would solve all of their problems and you wouldn’t have their problems, so you’re not “one of them”. They want something from you- your money. It’s not rocket science to figure out that the more money you have, the more stuff people want from you and the more likely it is that people will suck up to you to get into that tap of money for their own interests while still hating you out of your ability to solve their problems. (In other words, they hate because they’re jealous)

He’s an outcast. He’s something else. He’s a genius. That’s what everyone believes- after all, how could he be at the top every single time? How could he have the top grades, the good personality, the looks on top of that, the background even? Now, with the grades thing, there’s a secret that can result in this: teaching your kid early. You take away the time people say “Oh, kids should play” and turn it into “I’m teaching my kid how to read so that he will be ahead of the class”. Kids are given time to grow emotionally and socially when they play, but it is highly likely that Reo’s parents had him be taught math, language, business, etc. instead. If you start with basic concepts from a young age and keep at it every day at lunch and dinner for years, you’ll get pretty far. Combine that with putting classes in his schedule, and he’s basically already studying hours and hours at a young age. He already had a leg up, and with a good schedule, and tutors to help him understand better, it is realistic that he learned everything in a steady pace with his natural intelligence to help him forward. He earned confidence, he wasn’t really held back by self-doubt in terms of his ability to deliver results. That’s why he has a hard time accepting loss. It’s gifted kid syndrome- and he didn’t know how to not be more than “perfect”. 

About his emotional growth- he has basically had very little emotional growth since just about forever. I imagine Reo to be a relatively well-behaved kid ever since he was young, and if there was any first message he came across first, it was to do what his parents said. It was obedience- and in order to do that, he had to shut his own emotions down, and put on a mask. That mask was carried with him everywhere. People are individualists but also value fitting in- they want to do what they want, but they don’t want to be labeled as an outcast. There are people who prioritize one or the other, and Reo chose conformity. Conform to what? He definitely didn’t conform to the other people at the school; he was so different that everyone was jealous. That didn’t matter to him; he conformed to expectations. People talk- putting his parents in the spotlight of this discussion. He has a natural intelligence- that allows him to go far. He was well behaved compared to kids his grade. What parent wouldn’t brag about how well they brought up a child like that? Then, based on what people hear, they have expectations too. “Because this kid’s a genius, he can do anything!” “He’s so well behaved for his age, I’m sure he’ll become a fine gentleman when he’s older!” But he’s so lost in the mask that he forgot what his real face looked like. In fact, he might’ve not even taken any real good look at it, because he’s always been conforming to the expectations. That’s why, when he discovers Nagi and soccer, he finally discovers a part of himself for the first time and he loves it more than anything. That’s why he’s so desperate to cling to that, why he’s so clingy to Nagi, when Nagi “left him” for Isagi in the second selection. 

In fact, Reo had so much of everything (material) that he didn’t want any of it. Seems a little paradoxical- if you have everything, shouldn’t that just cover everything you want? Theoretically, it should, but think about it like this: what are you going to do with all of that extra stuff? It’s just laying around, something should be done with it. But he didn’t know what to do with it. There’s a point where having too many things becomes a burden rather than a useful tool- and he reached that point. Just because someone is rich, or born rich, doesn’t mean that they are wasteful. They may spend more than others, but it was early on that Reo learned that money was a tool, and he knew he’d better use it well.

obligatory @ss-slep tag

[a-student-out-of-time]

...It’s because...that’s the price of success.

How many people ever get to achieve any real prominence? Most people will be forgotten by history, only remembered as casual half-thoughts or footnotes. I refused to be anything like that.

My dream was...to be an artist. The greatest artist in the world. To be recognized and acknowledged for all the work I’d done...but it was difficult in a time when every talent was sought-after and competition was more cutthroat than you could possibly imagine.

I had to work hard, scrape by, earn every accolade I’ve ever earned. You don’t succeed by being nice and playing by the rules! Not to meet the expectations of all those rabid hyenas! It’s not as if anyone would’ve done something different in my place!

Yes...I suppose I created a lot of enemies in the process, but it doesn’t matter. I was an Ultimate! I was the Ultimate Artist! And I became a member of the Nijiue Family, the greatest artists in Japan- no, the world!

I’m more now, than I ever would’ve been back then.

More than just an ordinary person. A nobody.

There’s nothing wrong with being an ordinary person.

...To think you’d be so sentimental about this, Iroha...maybe you have grown up since you left.

I’ve grown up enough to realize that money, fame, praise, all that stuff doesn’t make your life better.

If I did become the kind of person you would’ve been proud of, I can only imagine how much I would’ve grown to hate myself.

And you wanna know something? Living in a run-down warehouse, barely getting enough to eat, hiding under some old bed sheets because I was scared you might find me...it was tough.

But it’s been the best time of my life. Because I’ve got friends who like me for me. That’s all I’ve ever really wanted.

Is it worth it, Mom? Getting everything you’ve ever wanted, clawing your way up to the 1%, but kicking everyone else down and pushing away all your friends and family in the process? Even me and the others?

What good is making your way to the top if there’s only room for you up there, and nobody else?

It’s...a price worth paying.

…Is it? Even if it costs you all your friends and family?

Yes! I refuse to be anything less...to be another commoner. Whatever sacrifices need to be made, I’ll make them.

How nice of you to finally be honest, mother.

Took you long enough.

Wh-What?!

That explains a lot.

It really does.

Surprise!

You did say you made enemies, didn’t you?

[pamicakery]

₊‧₊˚Manifesting and the Bible 2/2˚₊✩‧₊

Part one here :🩵

I will talk about everything and anything here. My thoughts about some '' sensitive '' topics I guess..

The genesis

When I was a Christian, I always asked myself how the world was created. And I loved the Genesis part, I could read it again and again.

But when we think about that it's how we create our world in our mind. Everything is pitch black and we visualise the sky, the land, the sea ect. It's the same principle, when you want something in your mind, it have to be created. It's already done.

The Bible God didn't wait for 3 days, 21 days, months or years. Got instantly. He wasn't like '' How can I create tree? They need to grow. '' or '' I need water to make the ocean ''

No.

It's like when you have a desire, if... For example you want a cup of water, it will appear in your hand instantly and you will drink it.

The Bible God went straight to the end, when his creation was already finish. And it's true and good. Because what you think in the mind is true and good.What you think in your mind is the truth, what I mean by that when you think about your bad circumstances and bring those circumstances into your mind and focus on them, it's true for your mind.

Because your mind accepts everything as true.

The creation of man :

So God created man in his own image,

in the image of God he created him;

male and female he created them.

God (aka your mind) created the men (the outside people, the people in your 3d) at your image. They are created according to your inner self beliefs.

Let's take myself as an example.. When I was 11, I felt really alone. I had no friends, nobody to talk to. My inner self state was :Loneliness.

Guess what? People around me were created according to that state. They made me feel alone, left alone,ignored.

When you feel left out by your SP, your Sp will make you feel that way. The 🔥🧊 behavior is due to :

Sometimes I visualise and affirm that my Sp loves me.

But

Sometimes I tell myself that my Sp is ignoring me.

People around you are your inner self expressing themselves within the people around you.

The end of the world or Judgements day :

I want to tell you that nobody will come across the sky to judge you. No one. That's my thought tho. I mean a being who didn't lived on Earth cannot judge you for what you've done on Earth.

But let's go straight to the subjet. Hell is the state of living a life you don't like. Imagine a life in a body you don't love, seeing your Sp getting married and being happy with someone else and never achieve your dream? This is Hell.

Hell is looking around and seeing your circonstances getting worst and worst. Being trapped in this reality, being slaved to your senses, the 3d. This is Hell.

That's why (it's sound like those Christian classes I used to do) Jesus came to save you. Your imagination is here to save you. Your imagination forgives all your sins (your failures, the bad things you have done in the past).

The imagination wants you to go to heaven.

Heaven is a state of having your desire. Being fulfilled, living in bliss. Having your perfect life, your Sp,your desired body, your friends.

This is heaven. And the end of the world is what? It's the end of your life on Earth. Will you have the life of your dream and have access to heaven or having a life you didn't loved, a life you hated.

It's for God, your inner self to decide if you go to Heaven or Hell. That's why every LOA bloggers tells you to DECIDE! What do you want? You want to have your desired life? Or live in a world full of bad circumstances. It's for you to decide.

IF I AM GOD, WHY THE WORLD IS NOT IN PEACE?

Unless you identify with a savior, you won't be. There is war because you are conscious of it. Plus you can't save anybody, look at how many people know about manifestation and Loa and keep saying that it's a '' Gen Z thing '', '' New age '', '' Satanism '', '' Trick for lazy people '', '' Delulu ''

Once, someone called me Satanist,my parents called me Delulu. We can't save everybody.

And the more we will be focus on making peace, the more we will see that they are still places At war, so the more we will be conscious about the world not being in peace.

I think I said it all. Maybe I have more to talk about in the future.

[serpentblccd]

👑👑.  BEHIND BLUE EYES.

Living behind perfectly painted white picket fences where the grass is greener than green, flowers constantly blooming! Birds singing like they do in those cheesy cartoons you watch while eating a balanced breakfast. Three cars in STYLE parked in the garage or the driveway. A two-story house located in the nicest street in Riverdale. You would honestly think they came from some old classic tv show where everything just seemed SO perfect. Perfect house. Perfect family. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Jughead Jones, captain of the baseball team. Hitting home runs and bringing the Bulldogs to victory! Parents and his little sister cheering at the sidelines in every game. Goes to baseball camp, praised by the coach for doing an excellent job. Gets the whole ‘I wish you were my son’ speech. You would think that being bask in all this glory, and being the GOLDEN BOY would be a dream come true. His life is so perfect and his future is set to brilliance. Though there is more to Jughead Jones than you could ever imagine. Like how he’s not even that fond of baseball and how he’s only doing it for his dad. This isn’t his dream, this isn’t the path he wishes to take. Not saying that he hates baseball. He doesn’t, in fact, he finds it fun. Found it fun until his father kept pushing him and pushing him. Do better. Attend all baseball practices. Baseball this, baseball that. His father is making him chase after HIS dream. His mom told him the story of how his dad got in an accident. Couldn’t attend the games, which means he missed out on getting a scholarship to play for the Yankees. And so now that his father can’t reach for the stars and get what he wants. He’ll have his son do exactly that. Follow his dream. Push his son until he’s more than perfect. It’s a struggle when you don’t even want to live the dream your father wants. Doesn’t want to disappoint him when he tells his father that he wants to be a photographer. Joined the blue and gold just for that. To take pictures and he fell in love with it. The freedom, the beauty you don’t usually see in things or places. He loves it. Found a passion for photography, and wants a future with that? His father is not as understanding as he would like, his mother is too busy and his little sister is in the same position as him. Being pushed to achieve a dream that isn’t in their sights. The lack of freedom, being surrounded by people who don’t understand your dreams. Who won’t! They see life in football or soccer--- baseball! Those are what jocks do. Living the life of a Northsider is supposed to feel amazing. The royal! The riches and yer? It feels like you are in chains! What is freedom? You can’t be what you want because that’s not who you should be. You can’t fuck around because then you are ruining your future. You can’t live life free, because then you forget your goals! The rich life, the glory life isn’t always what you want. You want parents to support you, you want to be able to do as you want. Date who you want and just fuck it!

👑👑.  FAME & GLORY

NAME : Jughead Jones the III FACE CLAIM : Cole Sprouse AGE : 18 + EYE COLOR : Blue HAIR : Black GENDER : Male OCCUPATION : Riverdale’s baseball team NICKNAMES : FP the third. Jughead. Jug. J. DATE OF BIRTH :  October 28th HIGH SCHOOL ATTENDED : Riverdale High ACQUAINTANCES [ RELATIONSHIPS ] : DEPENDS.

👑👑.  FREEDOM CALLING.

NOTE // .

FP is the sheriff here

Jellybean and Gladys do live with them

Gladys and FP fight a lot. but are living the perfect family life as if nothing is wrong.

Jughead wants to do photography.

FP is not part of the Serpents nor has any history with them.

Jughead is a charming character in this. Still has his dark sense of humor.

Isn’t awkward around girls, unless he really likes them. Usually, he’s smooth

Really this is based off realism. What some people go through. Being pushed into certain paths and not being able to live their own dream. Jughead has a perfect life, least that’s what people assume. But it’s a mess at times.

[serpentblccd-moving]

👑👑.  BEHIND BLUE EYES.

Living behind perfectly painted white picket fences where the grass is greener than green, flowers constantly blooming! Birds singing like they do in those cheesy cartoons you watch while eating a balanced breakfast. Three cars in STYLE parked in the garage or the driveway. A two-story house located in the nicest street in Riverdale. You would honestly think they came from some old classic tv show where everything just seemed SO perfect. Perfect house. Perfect family. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Jughead Jones, captain of the baseball team. Hitting home runs and bringing the Bulldogs to victory! Parents and his little sister cheering at the sidelines in every game. Goes to baseball camp, praised by the coach for doing an excellent job. Gets the whole ‘I wish you were my son’ speech. You would think that being bask in all this glory, and being the GOLDEN BOY would be a dream come true. His life is so perfect and his future is set to brilliance. Though there is more to Jughead Jones than you could ever imagine. Like how he’s not even that fond of baseball and how he’s only doing it for his dad. This isn’t his dream, this isn’t the path he wishes to take. Not saying that he hates baseball. He doesn’t, in fact, he finds it fun. Found it fun until his father kept pushing him and pushing him. Do better. Attend all baseball practices. Baseball this, baseball that. His father is making him chase after HIS dream. His mom told him the story of how his dad got in an accident. Couldn’t attend the games, which means he missed out on getting a scholarship to play for the Yankees. And so now that his father can’t reach for the stars and get what he wants. He’ll have his son do exactly that. Follow his dream. Push his son until he’s more than perfect. It’s a struggle when you don’t even want to live the dream your father wants. Doesn’t want to disappoint him when he tells his father that he wants to be a photographer. Joined the blue and gold just for that. To take pictures and he fell in love with it. The freedom, the beauty you don’t usually see in things or places. He loves it. Found a passion for photography, and wants a future with that? His father is not as understanding as he would like, his mother is too busy and his little sister is in the same position as him. Being pushed to achieve a dream that isn’t in their sights. The lack of freedom, being surrounded by people who don’t understand your dreams. Who won’t! They see life in football or soccer--- baseball! Those are what jocks do. Living the life of a Northsider is supposed to feel amazing. The royal! The riches and yer? It feels like you are in chains! What is freedom? You can’t be what you want because that’s not who you should be. You can’t fuck around because then you are ruining your future. You can’t live life free, because then you forget your goals! The rich life, the glory life isn’t always what you want. You want parents to support you, you want to be able to do as you want. Date who you want and just fuck it!

👑👑.  FAME & GLORY

NAME : Jughead Jones the III FACE CLAIM : Cole Sprouse AGE : 18 + EYE COLOR : Blue HAIR : Black GENDER : Male OCCUPATION : Riverdale’s baseball team NICKNAMES : FP the third. Jughead. Jug. J. DATE OF BIRTH :  October 28th HIGH SCHOOL ATTENDED : Riverdale High ACQUAINTANCES [ RELATIONSHIPS ] : DEPENDS.

👑👑.  FREEDOM CALLING.

NOTE // .

FP is the sheriff here

Jellybean and Gladys do live with them

Gladys and FP fight a lot. but are living the perfect family life as if nothing is wrong.

Jughead wants to do photography.

FP is not part of the Serpents nor has any history with them.

Jughead is a charming character in this. Still has his dark sense of humor.

Isn’t awkward around girls, unless he really likes them. Usually, he’s smooth

Really this is based off realism. What some people go through. Being pushed into certain paths and not being able to live their own dream. Jughead has a perfect life, least that’s what people assume. But it’s a mess at times.