#like im right but what stranger wants to read that in the tags of their post? right No one

[orcelito]

You know those posts that have u nearly getting super vitriolic in the tags & u have to dial it back a bit like "no, no one wants to read about your mommy issues. Chill it."

[awearywritersworld]

she mumbled that i was peculiar

sukuna x reader summary: impressively, sukuna is still trying to find ways to deny his feelings for you. nevertheless, he keeps you safe from harm when a late night trip to the store doesn't go as planned. will seeing his violent nature for yourself change the way you feel about him? he seems to think so. w/c: 4.2k (oops) tags/warnings: angst to fluff. attempted kidnapping. canon typical violence. depictions of blood. reader throws up. reader is in shock for a bit. cursing. aged up!yuuji. not canon compliant. fem!reader. no use of y/n. *please mind the warnings for this chapter* a/n: i'm sorry this took so long! im ngl, i struggled quite a bit to write this chapter. i'm still unsure about the pacing, but here it is anyway. thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy! series masterlist // masterlist

it's not often that you go out for the evening, but tonight is one such occasion. you leave around seven, excited to meet nobara and maki for dinner.

when yuuji falls asleep a few hours later, sukuna doesn't take over right away. he spends a while in his domain, engaging in what some people might call sulking.

before long, however, he begins to feel restless and he tells himself it's because he's grown accustomed to his finite hours of freedom. of course, it has nothing to do with your absence.

so he assumes control of his vessel's body and pulls a short novel from your bookshelf. settling on the couch, his fingertips brush over the cover: the stranger by albert camus

it's the first time he's ever been alone in your apartment, a fact he's well aware of, and his eyes wander to the front door. it'd be all too easy to pull it open, to make his way downstairs and out onto the street.

how long would it last before yuuji regained control? are you nearby? would you get caught up in the havoc he'd doubtlessly wreak?

the thought makes him grimace. returning his focus to the book in his hands, time seems to pass by faster as he makes his way through the pages.

even so, he deems the narrative a bit boring. in his (what's the opposite of humble?) opinion, dead mothers and nagging girlfriends don't make for the most captivating story, so his mind begins to wander once he happens upon the quote:

"so why marry me, then?" she said. i explained to her that it didn't really matter and that if she wanted to, we could get married. besides, she was the one who was doing the asking and all i was saying was yes. then she pointed out that marriage was a serious thing. i said, "no." she stopped talking for a minute and looked at me without saying anything. then she spoke. she just wanted to know if i would have accepted the same proposal from another woman, with whom I was involved in the same way. i said, "sure." then she said she wondered if she loved me, and there was no way i could know about that. after another moment's silence, she mumbled that i was peculiar, that that was probably why she loved me but that one day i might disgust her for the same reason.

sukuna thinks about you— the woman who forced her way into his solitude.

although, what if it hadn't been you? what if the brat had been involved with another woman? would he have eventually taken an interest in her too?

are you really that special, or is he just going crazy inside the cage that is itadori yuuji? the latter is much more likely, right?

he supposes he prefers the idea of madness over... feelings for some human.

all of a sudden, your apartment door seems much more inviting. would it be so bad if he were to step through it? what did he really have to lose?

yeah, that's right. he'll get up any second now and act on every horrible impulse he's been repressing. any second now... any second...

he can't quite figure out why he's unable to bring his limbs to move, weighed down by some force that's beyond him.

it's at that moment the door clicks open and for a split second, he thinks it must be his sign to go, but then you come waltzing in.

"'kuna!" you greet in an excited manner, disrupting the peaceful quiet.

kicking off your shoes haphazardly, you make your way over to him and promptly drop yourself into his lap. it elicits a bout of unwelcome clarity for the king of curses.

no, he wouldn't have taken an interest in just anyone, that much becomes obvious. it wasn't through a medium as flawed as chance that he came to... tolerate you. you're much too annoying for that to be the case.

"hello???" you wave your hand in front of his face. "i'm home."

"i can see that."

"welcome home, darling," you say in a deep voice, a poor imitation of him. "i missed you so much— that's what you're supposed to say."

yeah, definitely too annoying.

"but i didn't miss you." one of his hands comes to rest on your thigh, a betrayal of his preceding assertion.

"you're sitting alone reading—" you pause to inspect the book lying open beside him. "existential fiction about a nihilistic frenchman. of course you missed me."

he changes the topic rather swiftly. "you're drunk."

"i'm tipsy, at best." you roll your eyes. "can't i just be happy to see you?"

"you'd be the first."

"i don't mind making history."

you place a kiss on his lips, casual and affectionate in way that makes sukuna's body stiffen, and stand up.

"i need to get ready for bed, then we're gonna watch tv together because i missed you— gosh, see how easy that was?"

you run off to the bathroom and his body doesn't fully relax until he hears the shower turn on.

the thought of missing someone is a strange notion to him, because it implies eagerness and desire. for as long as he cares to remember, those emotions have been reserved for proclivities much more sinister.

so he hadn't missed you. he just would have preferred it if you stayed home. that's all.

when you return to the living room around fifteen minutes later, you're wearing one of yuuji's shirts, and as far as sukuna can tell, very little otherwise.

making yourself comfortable on the floor between his legs, you pass a hair tie behind you. "can you braid my hair?"

he's watched you get ready for bed enough times that he's fairly certain he can manage it. taking the tie from you, he still asks "why can't you do it?"

"because i'm sleepy," you frown, reaching for the tv remote.

gathering your hair in his hands and carefully dividing it into sections, he sighs. "you require so much looking after."

"you're not going to die if you can't have cookies tonight." sukuna states dryly, glancing at the clock that reads eleven o'clock.

"please don't trivialize my struggle," you begin, pulling on your jacket. "i want miso butter cookies— my grandma's secret recipe."

most of what you need can be found in the kitchen, but a trip to the store is in order for a few final ingredients.

"my mistake," he huffs, rising to his feet. "how insensitive of me."

"oh, it's alright. just don't let it happen again."

"sure. i'll keep that in mind, princess." sliding the apartment door's chain lock off the track, he does little to hide the vexation in his tone.

just as he reaches for the handle, you stop him and wrap a scarf around his neck, forcing a hoodie into his hands. "put this on. you'll be cold."

he looks at you as if you're crazy. "i don't have to worry about things as insignificant as the weather."

"well, put it on anyway," you insist.

he decides that acquiescing will be easier than arguing for the next five minutes and slips the hoodie over head. when you both step out into the chilly air of night, there are still a decent number of people traveling the streets.

stopping at a crosswalk the next block over, you begin to prattle on about what you need to pick up and the different steps in your recipe. naturally, you completely miss it when the pedestrian sign turns green.

"come on," sukuna commands, his hand wrapping around your wrist and tugging you along with him. "i don't have all night."

you scoff. "to be fair, i didn't say you had to come with me."

"yeah well it's late. you shouldn't be out alone." there's a hint of exasperation in his voice, like he truly had no choice in the matter.

despite that, once you reach the other side of the street, his fingers slide down your palm and thread through yours.

you glance over at him and find he's looking off to the side, so you bite your lip to suppress your pleased smile. is he avoiding your gaze intentionally? you decide that bashfulness suits him better than you would have expected.

offering him a light squeeze of the hand, you hope it conveys your appreciation of his small display of affection.

"so, are you going to help me make the cookies?"

his lips press into a thin line. "as thrilling as that seems, i don't particularly have a penchant for baking."

"you think you'd humor me a little! you know, since i'm your only friend and all."

"if anyone else asked me such a ridiculous question, they wouldn't live to see tomorrow." you ponder whether he's joking and quickly decide that he isn't. "this is me humoring you."

"you're so mean to me."

"hardly."

"fine," you pout. "then you can't have any!"

"now, hold on." the threat does make him hesitate. you've come to learn that if there's one thing he loves as much as reading, it's food. "let's not be hasty."

you're approaching the store, the sliding doors just a few strides away.

"it's only fair! besides, you're not going to die if you can't have cookies," you throw his earlier words in his face.

he exhales deeply. "have i ever told you how irritating you are?"

"woah! now you're definitely not getting any, mister!"

"alright, alright," he groans as you step inside. "i'll help you bake your stupid cookies."

"perfect!" you exclaim as if you knew he'd give in eventually (you did). "then you can start by finding the miso paste while i get everything else!"

you scamper off before he can tell you not to order him around like some common servant. he's never even been grocery shopping, how the hell is he supposed to find anything in here?

wandering the aisles, he stews over how domestic this is. for god's sake— the king of curses, shopping for ingredients and making baked goods. what have you reduced him to?

just as he considers giving up, he spots the item he's looking for and grabs it so aggressively that it knocks a few packets of instant miso soup to the floor. wrinkling his nose in distaste for the entire experience, he sets off looking for you, though his efforts are to no avail.

he wonders where the hell you could have gone off to when a flickering light catches his eye, filling him with a strange sort of unease.

it's emanating from a narrow hallway tucked away in the back corner of the store. at the very edge of the hall, a phone with a familiar case is lying on the floor, the screen shattered.

his blood runs cold, a sensation that is fully unknown to him, and the miso paste slips from his fingers. he appears in the hallway the very next second and the sight that greets him ignites a furious hostility in the center of his being— heavy and consuming.

you're struggling against one man as he drags you out of the backdoor and into an alley. another man is holding the door open, urging his partner to hurry up.

the hand over your mouth keeps you from yelling, but you're unsure you would have been able to make a sound regardless.

one second you're cast into darkness, and the next, the light seems blinding. the flashing is unceasing and it makes your head hurt.

two limbs are wrapped around your torso, keeping you firmly in place, and your arms are trapped at your sides. you might be kicking your legs, but they may just be dragging along too. you really can't be sure.

there's a thrum of a heartbeat at your back. it's pace is unforgiving, the intensity mirroring that of your own. you've a vague concern that your heart may very well beat right out of your chest.

then there's an abrupt shift in the air and a sickening crack echoes through out the night. crumpling onto the concrete, you think it must have started raining before you realize that the droplets on your face are warm.

you wipe at your cheek and your fingers stain crimson, the color matching that of an increasingly large puddle seeping across the pavement beside you.

there's a heap lying a few feet away and you recognize that it's wearing clothes. it's a sight you struggle to make sense of.

needing to focus on something else, your eyes find sukuna and the expression he's wearing is fierce and unreserved. "tell me what you wanted with her."

you've never heard him speak in such a way. his tone is low, his cadence nothing short of threatening.

"s-s'kuna?" your own voice sounds foreign to you and it goes unheard by him.

he has your attacker pressed against the brick wall of the alley, both hands wrapped around his throat. he's too livid to realize the pressure on his windpipe is preventing him from answering.

sukuna throws him to the other side of the alleyway out of frustration, the man rolling onto his back and wheezing to appease his lungs.

"tell me!" sukuna commands again, louder this time. less collected.

the man scrambles away from his looming figure. "th-they sent us, told us they needed her for an important matter."

"who?"

"they'll kill me if i tell you—"

sukuna crouches down, laughing dryly. "and what do you suppose i'm going to do?"

his eyes are almost unrecognizable to you. they're frenzied— a few shades deeper than the scarlet you've grown so fond of.

"you'll k-kill me either way, so at least i'll die with honor—"

"tch. useless." sukuna waves his hand, and you can hardly comprehend what happens right in front of you.

neat red lines appear across the man's body, then it ruptures into nothing at all. the only evidence that he was ever there in the first place is his blood.

the stench of which is perhaps the worst part— intense, coppery, and hot. it makes your eyes water, and before you know it, you're hunched over and emptying the contents of your stomach onto the ground.

sukuna is at your side in an instant, pulling your hair away from your face, but while one of your hands is braced against the concrete, the other endeavors to push him away.

his body doesn't budge at the contact, but he takes a step back anyway in an attempt to respect your wishes.

your mind is a mess filled with racing thoughts— what the fuck? this cannot be happening. what the hell even happened in this first place? that man was there and then he wasn't.

inhaling sharply, you wipe at your mouth and shift to pull your knees to your chest.

"what..." you trail off, surveying the unutterable, incomprehensible scene before you. "what did you do?"

he doesn't respond, though his features noticeably soften. somewhere in the back of your mind, you know very well what he did, but you can't help repeating. "what did you do?"

"we need to leave." it's not that sukuna couldn't handle whoever might show up, but seeing as this is your reaction, he has no desire to. "if you let me touch you, i can take us home."

you take a moment to think about it, then nod wordlessly. as soon as his hand falls on your shoulder, you're met with that same sensation you felt the night gojo teleported you and yuuji home after one too many drinks.

though this time, the sick feeling in your stomach isn't caused by liquor. you don't stand up, you don't so much as move a muscle when you feel the surface beneath you shift from concrete to carpet.

sukuna breathes out your name, his uncertainty evidenced by the way he's shoved his hands into his pockets. meeting his eye, you reiterate the same inquiry once more. "what did you do?"

it's almost as if you want him to tell you that he didn't do anything. that the whole experience was some disturbing nightmare.

"those men would have hurt you."

"that doesn't mean they deserved to die." you choke on the final word.

"yes— it does."

with that, silence hangs in the air like a suffocating miasma.

looking to your hands, you're reminded of the blood you've been spattered with. "i need to wash up."

you still don't move from your spot, too fixated on your flesh and the dreadful hue that it's been painted with. sukuna notices now that you're trembling.

he approaches you hesitantly before extending his hand. "let me help you."

you decline his offer, shying away from him. "i think you've done enough already."

god, the look in your eye is utterly despondent. he struggles to swallow the lump that forms in his throat.

his arm falls limply to his side and he looks across the room, your copy of the stranger earning his attention.

he's overcome with chagrin when he realizes that his concern brought about by camus' quote the other night was wholly misguided. he'd been focused on his own feelings, whether they were genuine or simply wrought by his isolation.

how foolish was he to ever question what you truly mean to him? with the anguish that's settled in his chest at the sight of your current state, the fact he ever doubted it makes him feel like a hopeless idiot.

had he any sense at all, the part that resonated with him would have been—

she mumbled that i was peculiar, that that was probably why she loved me but that one day i might disgust her for the same reason.

disgust. is that what you're feeling now? he's certain it is.

it was just last week that he relayed the story of his past. you're the only person alive to know the truth of how his wickedness came to be, and you met him with unconditional sympathy and understanding.

you pulled him close and embraced him, but now that you've seen him for what he truly is...? you can barely stand to touch him and it's like a knife to his heart.

you're so fucking warm— like the sun against his skin after weeks of endless rain.

and if you're the sun, surely he is the moon— cold and barren on his own, but brilliant when in the presence of your light.

to be without that? to be without you? it's a prospect too terrible for him to bear. it makes his stomach twist miserably.

you're startled (as is he) when his form falls to the floor, his knees meeting the carpet with a dull thud. he calls out your name again, but this time, his voice cracks as he speaks. "please."

he doesn't have a clue what he's even asking for. a chance to explain? forgiveness? a way to turn back time?

you don't say anything, but you do shift your gaze to him. he knows that he needs to fix this, so he wracks his mind for the right words.

"i didn't enjoy killing those men." he's somewhat surprised to find he's telling the truth.

"you didn't?" your voice is so small and timid that he can hardly decipher your words.

"no. my only concern was to keep you safe— to make sure they never put their hands on you ever again. all i felt was rage and... and... guilt. i should have never left you alone and it's my fault—"

"stop," you interrupt him.

there are tears welling in your eyes, making it difficult for sukuna to breathe. he's positive you're going to tell him that his intentions were of little consequence and that you never want to see him ever again.

instead, you push yourself forward and collapse against his body, your own wracked with violent sobs. the reality of the situation is only just now hitting you. it'd been much easier to focus on what sukuna had done, rather than what almost happened to you.

"i was so scared, 'kuna."

and still, despite the way you're clinging to his shirt and burying your face in chest, he's under the impression that it's him you were afraid of.

"i'm sorry," he tells you earnestly. "i never meant to frighten you."

"n-not of you. those men." you're struggling to speak in between desperate gasps. "why did they do that? what did they want with me?"

"i don't know." though, he is going to find out.

sukuna is not a man well versed in comfort, so he's not entirely sure why he begins rocking you back and forth, but he does it anyway.

when you finally start to breathe a little easier, he mumbles into your hair, "come on. let's get you cleaned up."

he doesn't give you a chance to respond before he scoops you up in his arms and carries you to the bathroom. setting you down on the counter gently, he searches the linen closet for a cloth.

it's quiet, save for your intermittent sniffling, as he runs it under warm water and wrings it out. his free hand moves to rest against the side of your neck and he dabs at the blood on your face, rinsing the washcloth every now and then.

he tries his best not to show it, but sukuna is agonizing over what might be going through your mind.

do you still feel safe with him? have your feelings changed? do you still love him, even when you've been so harshly reminded what he's capable of?

when you speak for the first time your words are hoarse, barely above a whisper. "thank you for saving me, sukuna."

he thinks about telling you not to thank him, not when it shouldn't have happened in the first place. he left your side, an error in judgement he'll never forgive himself for.

he considers your mortality— your weakness— in relation to his feelings for you. he's always seen this exceptionally human quality as despicable.

but now? all it does is terrify him.

"in the past, i was only concerned with my own whims and desires." his hand moves to cradle your face, his thumb running over your cheekbone. "though after tonight... you have to know..."

it's clear that he's struggling. his eyebrows draw together and his mouth twitches as he ponders his next words.

"i care about you, angel." his voice is hushed when he adds, "very much."

your eyes widen briefly and you murmur his name, but your mind is still reeling from the events of the past twenty minutes and you can't think of anything more to say. you're emotionally exhausted in a way you would have never thought possible.

it's plain to him too, so he knows his next question is selfish, but he can't go on without knowing. "does what you saw tonight change things between us?"

the silence preceding your answer seems to stretch on forever.

"i thought it would," you confess eventually. it was as if you'd put up a wall in your mind separating sukuna the king of curses from sukuna the man you spend your evenings with.

and it's difficult to reconcile the fact that the hands you saw used to murder two men are the same hands that are caressing your face so delicately.

at some point, however, you realized that the only time you felt fear tonight was when you were without him. his arrival and ensuing actions inspired shock and apprehension, though in some twisted way, you knew it meant you were safe. "but it doesn't."

the next question tumbles from your lips thoughtlessly. "does that make me a bad person?"

he chuckles and some of the tension in the room dissipates. "i think i'm the last one on earth that can pass moral judgement on you."

he tucks your hair behind your ear and scans your face, relief coursing through his body when he sees you smile. in this moment, there isn't anything else in the world he would have asked for.

"i guess you're right."

and now, the hand over your mouth is your own, an attempt to stifle your tired giggles. the light of the bathroom is warm and steady. sukuna's hands rest atop your hips, his touch firm but comforting. while you can't feel your own heartbeat, you're positive it must be beating in time with his.

when you crawl into bed that night sukuna pulls you close, your back pressed to his bare chest. you're thankful for the softness of his demeanor, because you need it tonight more than ever.

he doesn't recede to his domain until yuuji wakes up the following morning. he's determined to keep an eye on you as you sleep, to watch the slow rise and fall of your chest with newfound gratitude.

he knows he needs to speak with the brat about what happened. someone is after you and while he hates to admit it, he knows he can't ensure your safety alone.

and he will keep you safe, no matter the cost.

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[lerclan]

a month | charles leclerc

type: written + smau

pairing(s): childhood best friend!reader x charles leclerc

summary: charles confessed his feelings for you after you two hung out on a random day, but you werent really sure if you felt the same way or not; so he proposed a suggestion that you were willing to do.

warning(s): readers a nasty girl, suggestive

fc: random girlies off of pinterest!

---

"y/n, ive liked you for nearly a year now and you might be wondering why im confessing out of the blue, but i just wanted to let you know since its been suffocating me this whole time. the way i couldnt say anything too harsh when you were dating your bum ex because i was afraid you would hate me for the rest of your life, but enough of that. if you dont feel the same way...i hope that we still remain friends with the same banter we have now.." charles confesses as you look at him with emotions you couldnt quite express.

you guys were on the beach, the sunset in full view, the blanket on the sand with empty wine glasses and plates, the speaker playing a song you both did not add to the playlist, and hearing random people hold conversations as they pass by you.

"charles..." he looks at you dearly and youve never noticed till now, but he had always looked at you like that and you felt dumb realizing it just now.

"yes..?" he stares into your eyes lovingly as he eagerly awaits to what your answer would be.

you stare back into his eyes that had the sunset illuminating in it, making his eyes the most beautiful thing right now; apart from his face that also had the sunsets ambiance painted perfectly on his elegant features.

"i..." you hesitate on what to say, "im not sure..."

"youre not sure? so is this your way of saying no...?" he asks, desperate eyes wanting a fast response before he embarrasses himself.

"no!" you quickly say as his shoulders ease up, "i meant it as in like...im not quite sure about my feelings for you."

"how about we date for a limited period of time?" he suggests as your left brow lifts up in confusion.

"why?" you ask, completely confuse.

"to see if you truly have feelings for me and its not out of pity." he smiles at you and you felt like your heart melted on the spot.

"how long would we date for?" you ask again.

"A month and if you dont have feelings for me by the end of the time limit, then we can go back to being friends or strangers..." he explains as you nod your head along, finally understanding it, "and if you want to end it early, you have the freedom to do so. what do you say?" he takes out his hand for a handshake.

"that sounds good, charles." you take your hand in his for a handshake.

you both feel a fresh breeze soothe in; making your hair cover your face, but before you could move it, charles had already pushed your hair out of your face and tucked it in behind your ears. lub-dub.

"sooo...do we start now or what?" you ask as he chuckles.

"we can start tomorrow if you want, mon cheri. this might a little too much for you in one night." he sweetly smiles at you before he gets up, "lets call it a night for now? we have to head to the circuit tomorrow." you nod your head and now it was your turn to stand up.

the two of you cleaned up your area before you headed out to his car ready to leave.

---

y_n

Liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, lei_ah and 121,173 others

y_n he jokingly told me to go sit in the back because leo was passenger princess (i dont think he was joking...😟)

tagged: charles_leclerc

View all 6,174 comments

---

maxverstappen1 i dont think he was either...

y_n i know he was jealous when leo was cuddled up w me and sleeping

charles_leclerc i almost stopped the car and let you drive instead...😒

y_n JUST MAD HE LIKES ME BETTER ✋😝🤚

charles_leclerc yeah i am thats why im pushing you to the bushes.

maxverstappen1 HAHAHA I JUST SAW THAT 🤣🤣

user1 STOP NOT MAX WITNESSING Y/NS ATTEMPTED MURDER 😭😭😭

y_n I DIDNT EVEN GET DONE READING AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I BLINK IM IN THE BUSHES 😟😟😟

charles_leclerc I TOOK A VIDEO 🤣🤣🤣

y_n NO YOU DIDNT CHARLES 🫵 NO YOU DIDNT 🫵

charles_leclerc YES I DID 🙈

y_n 🤬🤬🤬🤬

user1 the chaos under maxs comment 😭😭

user2 IKR I ALMOST PEED MYSELF 💀

user2 Y/N STRAIGHT UP GOT VIOLATED WHILE MAX SAW THE WHOLE THING 😭😭😭

y_n THEY ARE SO MEAN

charles_leclerc so cute ❤️

y_n awhh thank you ☺️❤️

charles_leclerc i meant leo...but you too! 😊

y_n WTV DONT SPEAK TO ME 😒😒😒

landonorris yeah id act the same way too after that.

maxverstappen1 the audacity...

y_n YOU ACT LIKE YOU WOULDNT DO THE SAME IF I POSTED YOUR CATS

maxverstappen1 youre right, my bad. 😉

---

charles_leclerc posted on their story !

👁️ 987,172

y_n replied to charles_leclercs story

y_n IK YOU DID NOT.

charles_leclerc IT WAS TOO FUNNY TO NOT POST IM SORRY BABE

y_n DONT BABE ME RN I WAS MURDERED. 😟

y_n now im starting to doubt if you really like me or not 😡

charles_leclerc noooo :(

charles_leclerc dont ever doubt such a thing. i promise ill be sweeter ❤️😊

y_n uh huh 🙄

charles_leclerc youll see, mon cherie 🙈

maxverstappen1 replied to charles_leclercs story

maxverstappen1 still cannot believe you did that to your lover

charles_leclerc even tho i was the one that confessed, i still cant break out of my habit on teasing her 😔

maxverstappen1 thats true friendship right there

maxverstappen1 maybe youll break out of it one day

charles_leclerc perchance 😔😔

---

"here you go, my lady." charles says as he opens the car door for you.

after everything happened in the morning, you were jokingly salty about getting pushed into the bushes after charles confessed his love to you the day before, but charles felt bad after you said you had doubts about his love for you. to make it up, he promised to take you out to dinner.

"why thank you, sir." you got out and did a little curtsy to which he found cute and does a bow in return, "oh you are so adorable." you smile from ear to ear.

"i should be saying that to you, cutie." he says leading you to the restaurant where he reserved you both a nice spot he often sits at since it had a nice view.

you guys sat down and started conversing with one another and stopping every time a waiter came to you guys to ask questions, but after theyre done you would converse again about random things like: 'best hairstyle?' 'would you survive as a cook if gordon ramsay was your head chef?' and many more.

the time passed by too quick and you guys were already done with your food. you both made your way out of the restaurant and waited outside for charles car to arrive since it was parked somewhere else.

"that was really great, charles. i had fun." you smile shyly as he chuckles.

"sooo first date gone right?" he asks as you laugh.

"yeah, apart from this morning." you joked as he laughs.

"i guess im just so used to teasing you often. it was some sort of reflex, will work on it though..." he says putting out his hand as you laid your hand on his, "mon amour." he kissed your hand as you look away trying to hide your expression.

"i dont mind the teasing honestly, it would be unfair if i was the only one doing it and you arent doing it back to me." you say as you chuckle finally looking him in the eyes.

"youre right. plus i dont really know if i wouldve broken out of that habit." you both laugh out loud while hitting each other.

the car eventually arrives while you two were hugging and flipping each other off, having fun in general, and it was time for the both of you to drive off and depart. during the car ride there were two new things you noticed: one, charles let you have the aux and two, he held your hand the whole way to your home.

it was only the first day and your heart and mind already knew the answer.

---

f1wagnews

Liked by user1, user2, and 28,274 others

f1wagnews charles leclerc and y/n l/n spotted together being lovey and hugging each other! there are already rumors speculating that the two of them are already dating, but some just say its the childhood best friend bond that they both have.

View all 1,912 comments

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user1 guys theyd lowkey be cute tho...idk ive been cheering for y/n to be with charles ever since i knew abt them being close 😭

user2 FRRR LIKE THE GENUINE BOND THEY HAVE.

user3 how both of them go from hugging to charles flipping her off and y/n sticking out her tongue...I NEED THIS TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP 😭🙈

user4 idk guys im kinda with alexandra on this one. i only see a friendship dynamic between y/n and charles, but when hes with alex, i see puppy love 💕☺️

user3 i was team alex but i havent seen her around the paddocks lately after what she did to y/n. it was also rumored that shes dating a football player, so im not really sure that her and charles are friends anymore. charles blocked her im pretty sure.

user5 WHATTT??? I DID NOT KNOW THIS. WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN HER AND Y/N???

user3 YEAHH I LEARNED ABOUT IT LAST WEEK 😭😭 so basically alex has been cold to y/n the whole time they interacted and would give her compliments that were clearly backhanded and ofc y/n had enough of it because she genuinely wanted to befriend alex but ig alex was jealous of y/ns friendship w charles and she straight up just started lashing out on y/n and charles walked in and defended y/n then everything just went crazy. i can tag you in the post i saw.

user5 omg that is crazyyyy. no wonder alex was reposting about girl best friend hate tiktoks 😭

user1 YEAHH I WAS WONDERING WHO IT WAS FOR BUT IG IK NOW 😭😭😭

user1 i mean y/n cant really help it since they quite literally grew up together, bathed together when they were kids, and were around each other 24/7 due to their mothers being close. ik this girl is sick of male drivers rn because thats what she mostly grew up with. thats why shes also close to max, somebody fr get this girl a girl best friend 😔😭

user2 REAL. like this girl was just happy she had somebody in the paddock to be friends with and is a girl that was friends with charles because y/n cannot socialize with the wags in the paddocks to save herself, but that whole thing went down. shes also talked about how she would set charles up on dates hoping he would find the love of his life and then she would take his love of his love and make her her girl. give my girl a chanceeee 😭

---

charles_leclerc

Liked by y_n, maxverstappen1, landonorris, and 1,281,173 others

charles_leclerc the pizza was somehow edible 😇

tagged: y_n

View all 52,173 comments

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maxverstappen1 that looks like a ball sack if you turn it upside down

charles_leclerc @/y_n I TOLD YOU.

y_n GOSH YOU GUYS ARE SUCH BOYS

maxverstappen1 i mean..we are...

y_n i need girl friends 😔

charles_leclerc are you feeling sick of your boyfriendalready? 🙁

y_n after what you added on to your pizza after you turned it upside down...maybe charles 😔😔

user3 the little typing error is making me delusional but we all know what he meant 😭

user1 fr his space just completely stopped 😭😭

landonorris y/nnnnn lets hangout when???

y_n tomorrow!!!!

landonorris yayyy ❤️

y_n ❤️❤️❤️

user5 wait a minute...

user1 HOLD AWWWNNN.

user5 guys are lando and y/n dating? 😭

user1 my charles x y/n ship is slowly sinking as im reading the comment

y_n YEAH NO WONDER YOU WERE LAUGHING AT ME WHEN YOU WERE CHECKING MY BACK. GOT A WHOLE HAND ON MY BACK MATE

charles_leclerc HAHAHA 🤣🤣

---

"come on babe...are you really mad at me?" you ask him as he turns his head around, completely ignoring you.

its been 2 weeks since you guys started "dating" and so far no one really knows you guys are a thing, only rumors here and there which are quickly shut down by the fact that we are close childhood friends.

"charles, sweetie, its just an emoji." you say to him as he still gives you a cold shoulder.

whats happening now is that: charles posted on his instagram last night, looked at the comments, and saw what lando commented and what you replied with.

"if its just an emoji, why is it the symbol of love then?" he bitterly says, "also its not the emoji. its how the people reacted...theyre probably thinking you and lando are a thing."

"eugh, lando? babe...be for real and think that through. hes like my little brother..and plus it doesnt matter what other people think." you say walking up to him.

"well i care, y/n..." he frowns a little but turns around to look at you.

"awhhh is charlie jealous?" you ask him with a smile as he rolls his eyes.

"of course i a–" you cut him off with a kiss, to which he reciprocates.

"well dont be, mon tresor. im with you right now arent i?" he nods his head, "so spend time with me instead of giving me the silent treatment."

the both of you stare into each others eyes, deep in thought, not wanting to break contact or ruin the moment, but after a while; you straddle his lap so you could be closer to him. after you positioned yourself properly, you start to trace his features with your eyes. noticing the way his pupils dilate when he looks at you, his beautiful dimples that slowly appears as he smiles, and the way his lashes look so luscious and dreamy whenever he blinks. eventually, you leaned in for a kiss to which he quickly responds to and the night quickly turns into a blur right after that.

---

y_n

Liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, landonorris, and 351,183 others

y_n ive been a nasty girl xxx 🙈

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maxverstappen1 knew you were a freak

y_n learned from the best 😊

maxverstappen1 did you do the hawk tuah on it?

y_n MAX GET IUT OF HERHWHW WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT

danielricciardo it was not me.

maxverstappen1 it was you.

y_n DANNY WHEN I CATCH YOU I SWEAR

charles_leclerc whats a "hawk tuah" 🤨?

danielricciardo ill demonstrate it for you next race😏😏 ❤️ liked by author

y_n LMFAOOAHDJW

user6 SAINT LAURENT CONDOMS???? ARE YOU GETTING FREAKY WITH BILL GATES???

y_n IKR SHOULDA SEEN MY FACE. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THEY WAS FREAKY RICH LIKE THAT...

landonorris YOUR LINGERIE ON THE LAMP??? TMI Y/N. TMI.

y_n somebody matched my freak im sorry

user1 HER VERSION OF A SOFT LAUNCH IM CRYINGGGG 😭😭😭

user2 WE LOST A BADDIE

user5 y/n this isnt you honey come home the kids miss you

charles_leclerc SOMEBODY MATCHED YOUR FREAK???

y_n matched it a little too well...ive been limping...

charles_leclerc no wonder i had to carry you.

user3 CHARLES LMFAOO 😭😭

user1 DIDNT EVEN KNOW THE REASON WHY HE WAS CARRYING HER 😭

user3 watch it be lando goodbyeee 😭

user6 BABE PLEASE THIS ISNT HOW YOU SOFT LAUNCH THIS IS ATTEMPTED MURDER 😔😔😔

---

the day came and it had been officially a month since you guys started the deal charles had offered, and to be fair during the month when you guys were together; you slowly forgot about the deal you had agreed to and just fully accepted your love for charles.

both of you are now at the very same spot where he had offered the deal to you and confessed his undying love for you. the place where it all began.

"y/n...." charles says mumbling into your neck.

"yes, charles?" you respond, brushing his hair with your fingers as the waves sang in melody.

"you know why i brought you here right?" he lifts up his head to face you completely.

"uhm...to have a...picnic date?" you answer, completely oblivious to the answer of the question he asked.

"what did we have a deal on a month ago?" he chuckles at your response, giving a hint.

"oh...OH!" you say with a shocked expression.

"since you know now...whats your answer going to be, y/n?" he asks completely fearful about your answer.

"you should know by now, charles." you say to him as a brow lifts up from his face.

"no, no i do not know. what is the answer?" he asks again now scared seeing your face hold no expression.

"look at the ocean, leclerc." you say as he obediently does what he was asked.

"what is the matter with the oce—" you cut him off with a kiss as he turned around to ask you a question. it shocked him a bit, but kisses you back; gently.

you guys kissed for a while until you pulled back gasping for air as his lips follow yours in suit to which you put a finger on, pushing his head back.

"let me catch my breath, mon tresor..." you exhale quietly after your sentence.

during the time you were catching your breath, charles was fixated by you. the way your hair fell perfectly in front of your face, your swollen lips, how your chest heaved up and down softly...yet erotically, and just how you looked in general with the moon shining down on you. giving you the most ethereal look that photographers wish to take a picture of.

you look up finally and you make eye contact.

"so whats your answer..." charles quietly asks as you chuckle.

"that wasnt enough of an answer?" he shakes his head as you giggle, "yes, charles. my answer is yes...it has been my answer since day one; i wasnt quite sure...but im quite definitely sure now." you smile at him as you give him a peck.

out of nowhere charles stands up and runs to the water, yelling and splashing in joy. you stand up quickly taking off in a sprint to go join in with your, now, boyfriend.

the beautiful melody the waves sang suddenly sounded more beautiful with the collaboration of splashes and pure laughter harmonizing with the waves by you and your lover, charles.

---

charles_leclerc

Liked by y_n, maxverstappen1, landonorris, danielricciardo, and 1,982,173 others

charles_leclerc a month? @/y_n

tagged: y_n

Comments on this post have been limited

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y_n

Liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, danielricciardo, maxverstappen1, and 729,713 others

y_n yes, a month. ❤️ @/charles_leclerc

tagged: charles_leclerc

Comments on this post have been limited

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authors note(s): WOOP WOOP FIRST LECLERC SMAU HOW WE FEELINGGF

thank you sm for the crazy support!!!! im still trying to figure out how tumblr works...but i think im slowly getting the hang of it..maybe...

[jjenthusee]

Racing Hearts Pt. 3

f1!driver!jason x reporter!reader

A/N: Another chapter, another story filled with jason todd 🤭 it makes me so happy to continue this au and to see my beautiful gremlins enjoying it as well 🥹 the comments for the tag list are so helpful (im new to that bear with me <3) but i love reading any comments about the story, any predictions your great minds have, or if you’re just looking forward to the next chapter :D so ENJOY and comment if your comfortable <3

See you in part 4 COMING SOON :))) also check out the masterlist for this series linked here <3

Tags: banter, agonizing fluff, hurt/comfort, strangers to friends to lovers, spice if u squint 👀

Word Count: 3.1k

Tag List: @jaybirdstreet @gallusstuff @meowkn @velvetberries @i0lovepink00 @rayaskoalaland @spidernuggets @janybabyy @deimks @yasmin-oviedo @bigraga-sk

yourmom34: Why am I kinda invested?

imjasonsrightleg: Bye, update me when they start dating

potatoislyfe: He has chemistry with EVERYONE

notrealroyharper: THAT SHOULD BE ME

bigbootylicious87: Is it just me or are they entirely different from that press conference???

justicefortacoman: I can’t believe Jason moved on from taco man :(

“I can’t believe this.” You said to yourself, setting down your phone to no longer read the comments.

Leaning forward until your arms rested on your knees as you sat on the couch.

You had completed one full interview with Jason. His management wanted to film it. A new press strategy to help their racers gain more popularity outside the track.

You had agreed.

Broadcast journalism had been an area of interest because of the age of the internet and how fast news can spread through social media.

Now they wanted you and Jason to interact.

Jason’s social media team had pitched that you two sit down, you ask him questions and Jason would be the charismatic man he was.

It was simple, something you had done with many athletes, but it was Jason. A man you had multiple meals with, volunteered with, and almost…nevermind.

You thought you masked it well, set personal away from professionalism, but you were clearly wrong from the comments on the video.

You had watched it on your phone, curiosity scratching at you when you cooked lunch. Then when you couldn’t take it, you pressed the play button.

You were in denial. Ever since you came back from your volunteer work on Jason’s motorcycle, you had tried to play everything off with as much nonchalance as possible.

You didn’t mention how close your faces were that day. He dropped you off after the work in Crime Alley. You waved goodnight.

You didn’t see him until you got the call from your company. The interview filmed, quickly edited, released and you continued to deny.

But how were you supposed to deny what you saw on the tiny phone screen. It was out in the open, the public knew, you knew.

Did Jason know?

Did he see what you denied to yourself?

Or maybe he was just too good at looking good with anyone?

His fan base even made a running joke to pretend he has chemistry with anyone he interacts with in public.

You were just the next contestant.

That had to be it.

jasonjustonechance51: Was Jason kinda…shy?

redhoodsgyatt: I’VE NEVER SEEN THAT FOINE MAN LAUGH LIKE THAT IM IN LOVE?

tortillagrease861: I don’t know who this beautiful man is but I need him.

redbulljasonismywater69: I was trying to gatekeep him, but I guess I can share cause everyone deserves to see this man smile

poopoobatman417: He is so boyfriend

You threw your phone back onto the couch cushion, reading anymore comments was not helping.

After calming down and a movie break, you checked Jason’s social media and Red Bull’s racing account. There were the usual clips, Roy and Jason being the most popular duo.

Multiple edits and clips of them doing miscellaneous things. It wasn’t that bad, maybe you weren’t his focus right now.

But you were conflicted, it was good if the video of the two of you went well. It was better than being popular from negativity.

You could live with this.

A notification popped up on the top of your screen, perfect font displaying “Mr. Todd has sent a message.”

Speak of the devil.

Mr. Todd: want anything?

You clicked on an image of a menu.

He always knew how to get you. A late night meal wouldn’t hurt.

You: Miss me already?

You: Combo, medium, sprite

Mr. Todd: kay

Mr. Todd: my place or yours

Oh no.

You had just come to terms with thinking you meant nothing to this man.

You watched three dots float at the bottom of the messages, anticipation eating at you.

Mr. Todd: couldn’t get enough of you after the interview

You needed to check yourself into the hospital at this rate.

Fuck read receipts, now you needed to respond.

You: bro I don’t know where u live

Mr. Todd: bro I can just tell u

You: bro my place

You’re an idiot.

Mr. Todd: Brok

You: brok?

Mr. Todd: bro + ok

You: return my food

Mr. Todd: too late I already left and the kind lady gave me a free drink

You: I hope u drop ur free drink

Mr. Todd: no sprite for u then

You: wait

You: the sprite is innocent

Mr. Todd: this hurts me more than it hurts u

You saw a picture appear in the messages. He was holding the cup of sprite over a familiar ledge. The ledge of your apartment building floor.

You grabbed your keys, pulled on some quick sneakers, haphazardly put on, laces loose. You raced out of your apartment, quickly locking the door and running down the hall.

You ran to see Jason near the open ledge, night air surrounding him. Seeing his face turn to you, a smile spreading on his face.

You ran to save your sprite from his evil hands.

“Aw, so excited to see me that you didn’t put on your shoes properly.” Jason quipped, letting you take the hostage from his hands.

After securing your drink, your turned around. Eyeing Jason from your side.

He waited, a soft look on his face.

“Well, are you coming?” You walked forward, small smile perfectly hidden from Jason’s view.

——

You had sat down in front of your TV, putting your drink on the coffee table. You grabbed the remote trying to browse through several movies.

Jason had followed you in through the front door, taking off his shoes as soon was he walked in. He slowly walked toward you, taking a good look around your apartment.

You tried not to look at him, choosing to focus on your TV screen as he surveyed your one-bedroom apartment.

As he slowly stepped, you decided to chance one look at him.

Your eyes shifted toward his tall figure, he was oddly focused on your window, set near the small dining table.

It was a last-minute decision after you realized the format of your living room and kitchen. You liked watching the outside as you ate.

“Welcome to my home. Sorry for the mess, I didn’t get the chance to clean up after you took my sprite hostage.” You leaned your head on your hand, resting yourself on the coffee table as you watched Jason.

“Don’t worry about it, also you should lock your window.” Jason spoke.

You glanced toward the object in question, the latch was undone when you opened it earlier that day. You must’ve forgotten. It was a similar bad habit as never locking your balcony door.

Who would climb through that? Well, besides Batman, you don’t expect any visitors.

“Oh, sometimes I forget. But let’s eat first.” You shrugged.

Jason set the food down next to you, you felt the warmth radiating from the bag.

“I got it, your food should be the one on top.” Jason eyed the window, walking to it, snapping the lock into place.

You gasped.

“You ordered the other meal I wanted to try!” You smiled in excitement.

Jason turned back to sit down next to you. Lazily leaning against the foot of the couch.

He raised an eyebrow at the sparkle in your eyes, a silent question obvious on your face.

“Wanna try a piece?” Jason asked, giving in to the longing look.

“Aw, thanks Mr. Todd.” You dug into the two meals in front of you.

Jason moved to sit closer to you. Your excitement over the food distracting you, delaying your nervousness and your earlier debate with yourself.

As you took a bite, happy with the combination, you clicked on a movie. Letting it play as you and Jason ate.

“I thought you were kidding when you asked me if I liked the movie Cars.” Jason said in disbelief as he watched.

“It was for the interview…and I was genuinely curious.” You kept your eyes on the screen.

“Sweetheart, I don’t race in NASCAR. You know that.” Jason looked at you, astonished.

“I know, I think it’s hilarious.” You flatly said, focused on the movie in front of you. “You give off Lightning McQueen vibes.”

Jason nearly choked on his food.

“I feel like I should be offended.” Jason, stunned, looked at you.

You ignored him, letting him fret about your words as you finished your meal.

After Jason gave in and continued to watch the movie with you, you had cleaned up and the two of you moved onto the actual couch.

The soft cushions letting you sink in, sinking toward Jason who also dipped the couch. Letting a blanket droop over your legs.

He had taken his hoodie off, throwing it over a dining chair. Jason was clearly comfy for the night, in sweatpants and a t-shirt that hugged him nicely.

You were content letting your body relax. Watching animated cars as Jason, the fastest formula 1 driver, sat near you in your apartment.

With a full stomach and in pajamas.

Crazy how things worked out.

You smiled at your realization.

Your eyes felt heavy, the couch warm next to Jason.

Jason mindlessly watched the movie, pouting a little that he couldn’t believe that you thought of him like the red car.

Then he felt your weight on his shoulder.

He glanced to his side, seeing the top of your head. His heart raced. You had fallen asleep, a nice weight to his shoulder.

He saw your eyelashes, beautifully laid flat onto your cheeks as you gave into your sleepiness.

Call him a bad man, but he leaned his head on top of yours. Nuzzling into you.

You were probably going to wake up flustered, but he enjoyed making you nervous.

Seeing your ears going perfectly red.

Jason didn’t know what color he liked, he ended up with many things, falling into the rhythm of going with the flow. His racing career, his instincts to ask his manager to set up an interview with the talkative reporter, continuing to get lunch with you.

Now he was here, feeding you, sitting on your couch.

Getting more infatuated with the lil’ reporter he’s growing close to.

He learned something new today.

He realized his favorite color was the shade of your flustered ears.

——

You were stirring awake, your eyes slowly blinking into the faint light from the floor lamp. Majority of the darkness still around you.

You must have fallen asleep.

But how could you resist? It was warm around you.

As your consciousness entered your mind, you realized a weight around you. Fitted loosely around your waist, a soft fabric touching your face, slow even breaths slightly moving the hairs on your head.

Your eyes widened.

Jason was curled around you. At some point in between your nap, you and Jason had laid on the couch. Fully extending your bodies, falling into each other to fit perfectly into the soft cushions.

Oh no. You stiffened.

Jason started to stir awake, instinctually feeling the heightened panic from you next to him.

He slightly stretched his body, taking a deep inhale before releasing it, then slowly opening his eyes to look down at you. Your big eyes meeting his.

He sleepily smiled, pulling his arm around you closer to him. Somehow managing to get you even closer to him.

You felt his heartbeat through his shirt.

A lovely feeling.

“Jason.” You spoke into his t-shirt.

“Hm?” Jason grumbled, trying to wake up, but refusing.

“I think you accidentally fell asleep.” You moved your head, so your words weren’t mumbled into his body.

“I was going to leave.” Jason yawned. “You fell asleep and I laid you down on the couch, but you grabbed my shirt.” He smirked, eyes closed.

You moved your head, raising your chin toward Jason’s head above yours.

Your faces more parallel.

“What do you mean?” You quietly asked him, clearly surprised by the current situation, but still mindful of the sleepy man.

“You wouldn’t let go of me, so I tried sitting on the edge of the couch, but your grip never loosened. Then you kept tugging, so I finally laid down.” Jason continued to explain with his eyes closed, trying to keep his fatigue. “You have a deadly drip by the way.”

“I’m sorry.” You sighed.

“Why do you always do that?” He asked confused.

“Do what?”

“You always back away every time I get closer.” Jason’s eyebrows lowered, slight frustration in his tone. He was very expressive despite his eyes still closed.

“I don’t do that.”

“You were about to.” Jason pouted.

“I’m still laying next to you, I’m not backing away.” You retorted.

“You know that’s not what I meant. I can feel your negativity surrounding you.”

“Come on…I just,” You hesitated. “I just don’t want to bother you, to possibly cause a misunderstanding.”

Jason’s eyes opened, full seriousness in his gaze.

“What if I want you to bother me.” He directly told you, eyes never leaving yours.

Your faces nearly touching, the tips of your ears reddening. Curse your blood flow.

“I don’t understand.” You stammered, scared to peak into the direction this was going.

“I want to bother your life and I want you to bother mine. You make me feel alive because I want to talk to you, even when you don’t want to talk, I still want your time.” Jason directly told you.

You didn’t know what to say. Your heart racing as he continued to hold you, your faces close to one another, legs intertwined. His voice admitting what you’ve been scared to say.

It was out in the open. Clear as day.

Maybe it was meant to be this simple.

You were just too anxious and stubborn to call it what it was.

You kept Jason’s stare, his determination never faltering.

You pulled your hand from in between your bodies, releasing it from the depths of the blanket. You caressed his face, smoothing out the lines in between his eyebrows, softening his expression.

You smiled at your ability to control this man.

Maybe to the public he was rowdy, uncontrollable. But when you faced him, he was ready to come running when you held out a hand, waiting to rest his face in it.

He waited for your touch, your words, your quick glances.

You were the same. Ready to touch him, sing his name, memorize his smile.

You could barely contain yourself.

You leaned forward, kissing the man you longed for.

Your very first initiation towards him. No longer backing away.

You gently pressed into him. Both of your eyes closed, focusing on blurred touches of skin.

You want to touch him. You want more.

You rubbed where the back of his head met his neck, feeling the prick of his hair on your fingers. Your thumb rubbing behind his ear.

Jason matched you, letting feeling take over him.

He gripped your jaw, stretching your neck, adding another layer of desperation to your kiss.

Jason selfishly took your shared breaths.

When he wasn’t satisfied with that he moved to lean himself over you, but you put a hand to his chest.

Stopping him.

In his confusion, eyes glossed over, he only looked at you, his mind trying to catch up.

You ended up rolling him over, your body laid on top of his, Jason laid flat on his back. He reached up to cup his hands to your face.

You leaned down, deepening the kiss.

You had no reason to hold back. If it was this simple to be with Jason, you wanted to waste no more time on what ifs.

You were comfortable, letting your body fall onto Jason’s solid body. You wanted to feel more of him.

You readjusted yourself, straddling his waist near the waist band of his sweatpants. Jason panting, his breaths haggard.

You sat up fully, taking in the full image of him. It was beautiful.

“You’re gorgeous.” Jason breathed, in awe.

He gripped the sides of your waist, rubbing through your shirt.

Despite never removing any clothes, you were just as worked up.

You panted.

You internally thanked your unconscious self for keeping a death grip on this man.

You leaned down, nipping at Jason’s neck.

A sweet melody filled with Jason’s voice gasping. You felt every breath and vibration as you focused on his neck.

Letting yourself mark him just above his collarbone.

You looked down, hazily rating your work.

Jason reached up and rubbed your cheek. His soft touch contrasting your desperation.

The rising sun, letting in a soft glow through the large window near your dining table.

What a great way to start your morning.

You didn’t wake up this early, but to do this with Jason, you might have to start changing your routine.

Jason laid you back down to lean on top of him, He breathed into your neck as he held you close to him.

His large hands holding the back of your head, rubbing small circles.

“I told you I’m not backing away.” You smiled into Jason’s hair.

“I believe you now.” Jason chuckled, content in the comforting weight of you.

——

After another quick nap, you and Jason woke up, both of your hairs in a mess.

You were groggy, trying to help yourself to a cup of anything this morning, tea or coffee.

You watched Jason from your kitchen counter, he was learning where everything was. Memorizing the cabinets and drawers.

His broad back, a great view in your kitchen.

Your poor dining table window falling to second place.

You were in a daze watching his shoulders flex through the fabric of his shirt. It was like a switch flipped in you.

You shook your head, focusing back on the contents of your cup.

Jason made a cup of coffee, finally facing you. Leaning on the opposite counter.

Your eyes lowered to his stretched-out t-shirt around his neck.

You found what you were looking for, a purple blemish on his collarbone.

What a great morning.

Jason caught wind of your stare. Setting his cup down, caving you in-between his arms as he leaned on your counter.

It’s like you were made to be in his arms.

You giggled, trying to continue sipping on your cup. Letting Jason kiss around any opening of your face that wasn’t on the cup.

He was enjoying the moment, taking his time until you wanted to let him break.

When you had enough of the tickling sensation, you lifted your chin, letting Jason fully take your mouth.

The taste of coffee flooding you.

After your morning shenanigans in the kitchen, you spent the rest of the morning lounging, stealing kisses, possibly adding another blemish to match the other one.

[banggyu0308]

genre: internet strangers to lovers, idol au, smut

warnings: nsfw under the cut, not very coherent, slutty yeonjun, dom!yeonjun, sexting, choking kink, pet names (baby), praise, drinking (they don't get THAT drunk, alright guys?), one night stand-ish, degradation, unprotected sex, breeding kink, handholding, cursing, dacryphilia, yeonjun lurks on social media TT, reader is bold ASF, not proofread

wc: 2.5k+

an: tysm for the username help @itgirlgyu TT + this is just for the delulus + @beomsl MEL YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE TALKED ABT PART OF THIS???? + i might title this later but who knows!!

taglist: @full-sunnies , @agustdiv1ne

yeonjun who likes to wear his tank tops to show off, loves heading onto moa twitter and tumblr after lives just to see the fandom having a meltdown... especially hard stan social media, watching all the comments and photos of himself show up. he likes being in control like this, having the power to make everyone else go crazy just by wearing something else that day.

he scrolls and scrolls and one specific post pops up, it's community labeled and when he clicks 'keep reading', he can see why; pretty tits on display from the original poster, comments in the tags all about how she's all his, and he's not very surprised to feel himself growing hard in his pants. yeonjun eyes the username, ready to click the blue-fonted 'follow' button, but it's already gone, and his eyes widen to see that it's an account he's been following and interacting with for a while. that fact only makes it better, and he's clicking to his chat with you before he can even think it through what he's about to do.

yawnchoi you look really pretty in that new post...

yn what can i say? yeonjun brings out a special part of me 😭

yawnchoi im very sure he feels the exact same

yn in my dreams 😭 don't fuel my deluluness

yawnchoi i'm being very serious right now

yn mhm mhm sureeee and how would YOU know? 😑

yawnchoi ajksdbwsjdhbw maybe this wasn't a good idea

yn WHAT wasn't a good idea, hm? 🤨

yawnchoi baby all i'm trying to do is figure out how to word that i'm yeonjun 😭

yn i do not believe you for one moment

yawnchoi i'll send a pic that i would never, ever post and you can even reverse image search it or whatever or i could send a video, im not messing around baby

yn go ahead then ;-;

yawnchoi [sent a photo]

yn alright so yeonjun would definitely never post a photo of him in his boxers in bed so imma need that video 🙏

yawnchoi [sent a video]

yn oh. oh holy shit choi yeonjun has seen my tits- NOT ONLY HAS HE SEEN MY TITS HE LIKES THEM- one sec imma need to process haha im totally not hyperventilating haha

yn alright im back hi haha

yawnchoi helloooo 👋

yn wow. alright. so. uh. how do i ask this- you wanna see more tit pics?

yawnchoi THAT WAS SO BOLD HELP ME- but yes pleaseeee

yn [sent a photo]

yawnchoi oh baby- holy shit you're so pretty 🥺

yn thanks jjunie kwsnbdwjkd im still like- going crazy rn yawnchoi thats cute baby :((

yn wjhbswhjdhj so- since you've seen my tits i wanna see you again :(( preferably your dick but haha

yawnchoi yeah? pretty baby wants to see my dick?

yn kjwbshwjdbhe yes please?

yawnchoi asking so nicely... alright baby~ [sent a photo]

yn oh 😳 oh fuck alright sjbdsewjh wanna touch :((

yawnchoi me or yourself, baby?

yn well, both, but only one can happen, right? so me-

yawnchoi go ahead, can i see? yn alright 😳 [sent a video]

yawnchoi baby's so pretty :(( wanna see you cum for me <3

yn [sent a video] would be better if you were here :( want you to touch me so bad wjbwjhdbe

yawnchoi can fly you into korea if you want...

yn YOU'RE KISSING *KIDDING

yawnchoi i'm notttttttt dekjbdekj pretty cunt's got me all horny :((

yn i don't even care if it's a one night stand choi fucking yeonjun's gonna fly me out to korea to fuck me heck yeah

---------------------------------

and he does. books a flight last minute for the next day, from your country to seoul, puts on a pair of sunglasses and his least conspicuous outfit, and drives to the airport. he isn't THAT nervous- it's not like he thinks you're gonna murder him.

and when you walk out of the airport building with nothing but a backpack with you, looking around and waving slightly when you see him, his heart quickens just a little. (and NOT just because he's seen you naked).

you decide to sit in the back of his car for no reason other than you want to, and maybe a little bit because you can't exactly handle looking at him straight on quite yet.

to your surprise, there's no awkward small talk, just him getting straight to the point and saying all the members are out of the dorm currently, but, ever the gentleman, he says since you flew a long way, you can sleep a little bit first and he won't bother you.

your whole body is on alert and you find yourself thinking that there's no way you'd be able to sleep now. it's one thing to sext someone knowing they're an idol- another to actually be in the car with them, on your way to where they live, and knowing you're going to actually fuck them.

yeonjun politely takes your bag when you get out of the car, and when his fingers wrap around the strap, his hand brushes yours slightly. you internally feel like you might faint- you hadn't actually prepared yourself for this, and now he was touching you and he feels real and you knew he was real but now it just feels extra.

holding your bag, he opens the door to the dorm, leading you in before following, taking you into his room and placing your bag down on the floor next to his bed. every single action that takes him closer to you makes your face grow hot, the bed dipping slightly under your weight when you sit down. the sheets are soft, but your mind barely registers it, focusing instead on the fact that you are in yeonjun's bed.

he opens his mouth to say something, and you panic, cutting him off quickly with a wry grin and a statement. "i might need some alcohol in my system before we do anything else."

yeonjun raises his eyebrows in the slightest, a little surprised, but he also gets it. he's pretty sure both his body and his mind want you way too much right now, but he's so nervous he might not do anything. his hands are twisted in his lap and he quickly realizes and sits on them instead before standing.

he leads you to the kitchen, getting himself a can of beer and letting you pour yourself a couple shots of vodka. you know your limits- it's just enough for you to get a little tipsy and stop overthinking everything.

knocking one back, you enjoy the burn in your throat before taking the second. the slight buzz under your skin makes you smile slightly, leaning against the counter while he takes long sips of his own drink. it's obvious he wants this to pick up, so you busy yourself messing with his shirt just a little while he drinks. you slip your fingers under his sleeve, mindlessly rubbing your fingertips back and forth over his skin. you can tell he remembered your comments the previous day about his arms, basing his outfit around that.

he has another tank top on today, arms flexing when he brings the can to his lips to take another sip, and you move your hands a little farther down to rest on his chest. this time, when he lowers the can, his lips are a little wet from the drink and you can't help but press a messy kiss to them, licking the liquid off. yeonjun lets out a slight hiss when your tongues meet, left hand reaching behind him to place the can on the counter.

the alcohol must really be working already because you're both stumbling to his room, messily tugging each other's clothes off, and yeonjun leaves a line of wet hickeys up your neck. each and every touch of his skin on yours makes you feel fire burn a trail across your body, but it's in a way that makes you almost absolutely sure that it's not just because he's one of your celebrity crushes, or because you're a little drunk.

yeonjun's movements are so rushed that in seconds he's on top of you, his own shirt off, pants quick to follow once you tug at them. your hands find way to his newly-lightened hair when his lips and tongue meet yours again, a different kind of intoxication weaving itself up and over each of your limbs, the kind of intoxication that makes you want to live and breathe this man.

"want you," he whispers, cheeks pink from the alcohol, his eyes slightly glazed when he looks into yours, and the way he says it makes your cheeks grow hot again.

"go ahead then, 'm all yours," you exhale in response, trying to ignore the way your heart twinges at your own words. this is just a one time thing, you have to remind yourself.

but yeonjun's eyes light up and he presses another kiss to your lower lip, one hand moving between your legs to part them. his eyes lower to your cunt, and you can feel the way your underwear are sticking to your pussy. you'd chosen to wear white underwear today and you're pretty sure they're see-through by now, drenched completely from all the feelings yeonjun's touch is sending through you.

"all mine?" yeonjun mumbles, eyes wide. and when you nod, he smirks slightly. "love your cunt so much, i might just take you right now." your own eyes widen and yeonjun can feel your breath hitch. "but you'd like that, wouldn't you? pretty slut would love her jjunie taking her raw, would love to have me cum inside..."

you suck in a breath through your teeth at his words, nodding quickly, spread out on the bed beneath him. your mouth tastes like alcohol and yeonjun, and your brain tries to forget how he so flippantly called himself your jjunie.

"jjun, just, just fuck me, please?" you whimper out when he rubs a fingertip over your clothed cunt.

"baby asked so nicely, might as well give her what she wants," he coos, tugging off his boxers only once he slides your underwear down your legs. "promise you'll let me taste you next time?"

you nod, too distracted by the fact that he's already planning a 'next time' in his head to realize that he wants to eat you out, but by the time you understand, he has the tip of his cock pressed to your entrance, other hand holding yours as he slowly pushes in. the gesture feels sweet, romantic even, and you let your eyes fall shut when he pauses his movements.

yeonjun's body is pressed flush to yours in a way that allows him to brush his fingers over your neck, skin smooth against you. his hand wraps loosely around your neck and his breath is hot on your cheek when he whispers, "is this okay?"

you nod once more, only because the combination of the alcohol and his body on you is making your brain so fuzzy you can't think clear enough to speak. yeonjun hums lightly and experiments with his grip, making you gasp a little when he also hits your g-spot. he lets out a hiss when your already-tight walls tighten further around him.

he'd had a feeling that you'd feel like heaven around him, just because of the fact you had stated you were only able to fit two fingers inside yourself, but he had obviously underestimated all the sensations that were going to overwhelm him like they are now. every movement of his hips towards yours makes him fight to control the tremble of his body. your hand is linked with the one he doesn't have around your neck and every time he buries himself completely inside you, your hand tightens just a little around his.

he's losing himself just a little, hand still laced with yours, pace quickening until jolty, broken, high pitched moans are the only sound leaving you. yeonjun can't help but smirk at that, hoisting one leg over his shoulder. "fucking pussy is so perfect, almost like it's made for me, taking me so well... might just keep you here, my personal little cumslut, could bring you on tour with us, fuck you every night in the hotel room, how'd you like that, hm?"

his rhythm is so brutal you're choking on your words by now, broken sobs slipping through your parted lips, tears filling your waterline and then slipping down your cheeks, mixing with the slight mascara you'd put on this morning and making your face a mess. yeonjun likes it too, the way he's so easily able to get you like this, just a few words from his lips and you're crying.

he can't help but tell you this with a mocking pout on his lips that turns into yet another smirk, chuckling when all you can do is whimper incoherently. yeonjun kisses you gentle enough to make up for his harsh words though, he's only trying to make you feel good, and he knows you like it when he talks down to you.

one hand still around your neck, the other moves from your hand to your waist, and he's only fucking into you harder when you whine out that you're close. his lips catch yours again when you gasp out his name, gummy walls fluttering around his dick as your whole body shakes from the force of your orgasm, yeonjun's fingertip rubbing at your clit making you convulse under him.

yeonjun bites back a little moan and lowers his lips to your ear again. "can i cum in you, baby? let me make you mine?"

you can't tell if he's just saying it in the heat of the moment, but you nod, wanting nothing more than to feel him inside you.

he bites his lip slightly, only losing control completely when you lick up the side of his neck and bite a splotchy hickey onto his neck. his warm cum fills you as he mumbles out a string of curses mixed with your name against your neck.

yeonjun practically collapses on you once he pulls out but lets himself take a second to marvel at how pretty you look right now, mascara leaking down your cheeks and neck, his cum and yours leaking from your swollen, abused cunt.

you let him wrap his arms around your form, cheek against his chest, both your bodies hot and sweaty, his bangs plastered to his forehead. there's a question on the tip of your tongue but he answers it for you, mumbling in your ear, "will you stay? for longer than just today?" yeonjun pauses slightly, then continues. "i'm not sure if i want you to be just one time. i know that this part of our relationship is new but we've been talking for so long and yeah, i don't want you to go back home and for this never to happen again."

you purse your lips, alcohol fogging up your brain and making you a little too sleepy to respond. "we'll talk tomorrow, hm? it's late and i had a long flight and i'm tired, jjunie..."

he nods slightly, running a hand through his hair, and presses a kiss to your forehead. "goodnight, yn."

"night night, yeonjun," you exhale.

you're almost half asleep when you hear him whisper, "the others'll be home soon, if they see us like this, i'm blaming you..."

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 16

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au, star-crossed lovers

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him. there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned. 

word count: 25K

warnings: cursing, drinking, mutual pining, mostly just a lot of angst, yn is insanely in love its actually a lot, making out, jealousy, grinding, hyunjin is a little mean, sexual tension, tons of new characters, a lot of coincidences, mature content, angst

a/n: soo hyunjin dropped contradicting and somehow it's absolutely perfect for this chapter. this part does also have undertones of 'love untold' in it too, and im very excited to finally be writing the city arc! this was a long time coming and i really hope you enjoy it. theres tons of angst in this so im sorry about that. please get comfortable with snacks and a blanket to read. you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

The girl next to him was pretty, in a timeless Marilyn Monroe kind of way. She had striking features, and even from this little interaction you knew her face would be burned into your memory. She was standing next to Hyunjin so simply, as if that wasn’t a place that you had been pining for all these months. 

Her hand rested on the small of his back, animated eyes as she talked to him. Even now, he looked as good as the day he left. The trench coat fit his body just right, and he was so much taller than everyone else in this shop. His hair had grown longer in your absence and chocolate strands brushed his shoulders.

The last time you saw him, he kissed you until your lips were bruised, and his pants were stained with cum. 

Right now… he was pretending like you didn’t even exist.

The woman looked over her shoulder, eyes meeting yours briefly as if she’d felt your burning gaze. You ought to be embarrassed that you were caught staring, yet you stood your ground. You expected a sneer, but she smiled at you — the polite kind of smile you give strangers as you pass them in the street — before turning to him again. 

Monstrous curiosity clawed at your chest, gut turning in envy. She reached into her purse, an expensive-looking red bag that you couldn’t afford in any lifetime, and pulled out a black credit card. Before she could hand it into the cashier though, Hyunjin’s arm reached out, stopping her. He was touching her now, if only so briefly, but a wave of debilitating nausea overcame you. You could hear him saying, “Please, let me get this” 

You were all the way across the store, but you’d be able to hear him among a million voices. The familiarity of his kindness pulled at your heartstrings. 

The woman didn’t protest, probably because Hyunjin was the biggest star in this city, and he could afford anything he wanted, and everything she could ask for. 

“That art building is just a few blocks down from here. I can tell you the way. It’s pretty easy” The boy you’d asked for help said. He had an employee uniform on, and a silver name tag that read “Jae”. 

You’d quickly forgotten your purpose for being out and about in the streets of Seoul. You’d come here for a reason, to have a glimpse at the building you’d be studying at, the place you’d been dreaming of. Yet…you’d never longed for something as much as you did for Hyunjin.

“Yeah, um, thank you” You mumbled half-heartedly, eyes still on Hyunjin, “Can you just…give me a minute?”

It was rude of you to ask for help but not take it, only because you were distracted by a boy. “Sure, uh…take your time” The employee stepped away, not really caring about your internal drama.

Hyunjin’s back was still to you. You’d been worried about why you couldn’t contact him this entire time. A part of you was relieved; if he was here that meant he was okay, even after disappearing entirely off the grid.

He grabbed the paper bag they’d purchased, a blue cereal box peeking out, threatening to topple. It didn’t fit in the bag, but he made no effort to fix it. He didn’t seem too involved in the task. They had finished bagging their snacks, and that meant they’d leave. 

There was nobody in the shop anymore, except you and them. A black car was parked just outside. It was probably his. Once he got in the car…he’d be far away from you, down a thousand identical streets and hidden between skyscrapers you’d never find him in. There were ten million people in this city. How would you ever find him again? You had no fucking way of contacting him.

He walked past where you stood in the aisle, and your pulse was pounding in your ears, tunnel vision shielding everything else.

You’d been searching for him this entire time…you couldn’t just let him walk away.  

It was now or never. 

He pushed the door open, and outside air swirled in. 

It snapped you into action.

“Hyunjin?” Your voice wavered, and it wasn’t loud enough for this city. Your plea was drowned amongst sirens, traffic and noise.

But he stopped walking, shoulders tensing.

He heard you.

Hurriedly, you stepped towards him, navigating through the messy snacks aisle. Your hands were shaking, and you pushed them into your jacket pockets to hide that. The effect he had on you was embarrassing, even at such a time. 

“Can I just talk to you for a second?” You asked, hoping you didn’t sound as desperate or nervous as you felt.

He turned around to look at you, and his knuckles were white from how tight he was gripping their bags. The grocery must be heavy, and even in a circumstance like this, you worried for him. His gaze on you was unrecognizable. It was almost like it wasn’t really him at the moment…as if he’d been replaced by a carbon copy, which was colder and meaner, and didn’t feel anything for you. 

His eyes zeroed in on you, and you suddenly felt so conscious. You wish you’d dressed up better, instead of this dull, beige coat you picked off a thrift shop back home. This was the first he was seeing you after months, and you weren’t prepared. You shot him a smile. Quick and rough, and forced, but a smile nonetheless.

He had to know you were happy to see him. Inside, you were screaming.

The girl at his side looked at you again, eyebrows raised in confusion. Her earlier politeness had worn off, and now she just looked bothered. Who even was this woman?

There’d be time for questions later though, because she pulled at his arm, “Come on. We’ll be late Hyunjin” Her tone had authority to it, a kind of tone you’d never used with him. 

“Can we talk?” You repeated your question. The woman wrinkled her nose, and now that you really looked at her…she was much older than you. She had expensive taste, clearly, and an aura of confidence you could never possess.

Hyunjin’s mouth parted, and then closed again, like he was having trouble speaking. There was so much to say, after all. But even if he couldn’t talk right now, you’d be happy to just know if he was okay. 

You wanted to ask him for his number, but you waited, giving him the time to say whatever was on his mind. There must be a lot on it. It had to be his company pulling the strings and making him cut off all contact with you. He had to have been forced somehow, because he wasn’t that kind of person. 

The longer he said nothing, the dizzier you felt. The truth was becoming obvious. Maybe it wasn’t all that far-fetched to believe that he had cut you off….on purpose.

Your chest tightened impossibly, a horrible feeling building up in your gut. There were lines in his forehead, and guilt in his eyes. Your nails dug into your palms as you tightly clenched your fists, but you were numb to that pain.

But it had to be a misunderstanding, because Hyunjin would never do that to you, would he? In fact, he’d…never do that to anyone. He was far too kind to resort to something like complete radio silence.

“I’m sorry” He spoke.

Your knees almost gave out at his voice. You’d missed it so much, and your heart was catching up to your mind, to register what he said.

Sorry for what?

He swallowed hard, steely gaze meeting your confused one, “I’m sorry… I don’t have time for this”

Before you could even process those words, he had walked out into the cold night, leaving you standing in the stupid fucking store, all by yourself. That was all there was to it.

Maybe everything that you knew about Hyunjin was wrong.

»»————-

“I’m sorry. I can’t help you…you do not have authorisation to enter the building” The security guard repeated, for the third time that night, as if you needed any more humiliation right now. 

Your cheeks were burning red, and you were trembling from the cold, “Please, he knows who I am. Just ask him”

He was visibly annoyed, “If you don’t have a visitor pass, you have to stay in the lobby, until the employee buzzes you in”

You tightened your coat around yourself, trying to reason, “I can’t get through to him. Just tell him I’m here. He’ll buzz me in, I swear”

He sighed, exasperated by your desperation. You were embarrassed, and shameful, but you didn’t know what else to do. If you went home now, you might cry till you threw up. You’d cry till it was dawn, and until you heard the morning traffic outside your apartment. The only thing stopping you from bawling right now was the watchful eyes of the people around you. 

You’re numb inside. You’re so, so confused.

None of it makes any sense, but your brain hurts just thinking about it.

It was so late, everybody was leaving the building, and you were the only one trying to get in. A female employee was buzzing out, pushing through the turnstiles. She looked between you and the doorman, “Something wrong?” 

The guard sighed, another indication of how less of a fuck he gave about you, “She says she knows an employee in the building, but she has no visitor pass”

You looked at her, “Can you please just tell him Y/N is here? He’ll understand”

Her gaze softened at the state of you, “What’s his name? I’ll see what I can do”

You told her… and then you waited. 

It was embarrassing to be standing there as hundreds of employees exited, eyeing you up, wondering why you were just standing there. The longer it took for him to come, the shakier you felt. Like you’d lose grip of yourself. It was getting chillier, and your insides hurt. 

Then you heard his voice. He basically yelled your name, rushing through the crowd of employees, a beeline straight to you, “Y/N? What are you doing here?”

He was like your angel — ashy blonde hair drifting against the air conditioning of the lobby, a red scarf wrapped around his neck. “Oh my god” You stepped ahead, but a silver turnstile separated you from touching him, “I tried calling you”

He placed his card against the scanner, opening the gate so you could enter.  There was no time to explain. Immediately, he wrapped his arms around your body. That was the thing you loved about Yeonjun the most. Hug first, questions later.

You buried your face in his neck, squeezing him, “I’m so sorry for just showing up, I needed to see you, Jun”

He pulled back to look at you, “I’m sorry my phone was on silent. I was working on a report, and I lost track of time”

The security guard was looking at the two of you, and he probably assumed you were a couple. He probably thought you were lovers, and if you were…everything might just have been easier. Yeonjun’s eyes narrowed in on your puffy, swollen eyes, “Wait. What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Heat rushed to your cheeks. Had you overreacted by coming here? He must think it’s an emergency. You musthave overreacted. Your instinct made you apologise, “I’m sorry for coming here like this…”

He shook that thought away like it was nothing, “Come on. We’ll just grab my stuff, and then we can head home, all right?”

You let him lead you to the staff elevator, and he held on tightly to you through it all, which you appreciated. You didn’t want to be alone right now. You observed the office building that Yeonjun worked at. “Your building is…fancy” You mumbled, but your voice was hoarse, and you couldn’t muster up any enthusiasm.

“Yeah” He chuckled, glancing back at you, “Most companies are pretty serious about the security. There’s been a lot of data breaches recently so…”

“It was embarrassing to face off that guard. I thought he’d arrest me or something…by the way he was staring” 

Yeonjun laughed, “He’d never do that. He was probably just caught off guard by how pretty you look”

Your chest squeezed at his sudden compliment. You leaned forward, wrapping an arm around his stomach to indulge him in a back hug. It was a strange display of affection for the elevator. But Yeonjun said nothing of it, squeezing your arm, and craning his neck to smile at you.

“We’re here” He told you, and you stepped out into a quiet office floor. After a monotonous and mundane hallway with doors that all looked the same, you arrived at his cubicle. The floors were grey, the doors were dark, and the ceiling was industrial exposed. You’re not sure if this was the best place for comfort right now, but it was all you had. It was better than your empty, soulless apartment.

Yeonjun’s desk was cleaner than you expected, arranged with knick-knacks and clutter. A polaroid of you and him was pinned to the bulletin, next to one of him and Hana. Your eyes trailed across his entire workspace. There were only pictures of Hana.

You stilled.

“Um, I’m sorry. I still need to clean up” He muttered, ripping the polaroids off the wall, as if to show you that he didn’t care. But it was clear to you by how he carefully placed them inside the drawer. He was still in love with her.There was a lump in your throat at the realisation. He hadn’t told you that, and Yeonjun shared everything with you.

He shot you a sheepish smile, “I’m just gonna finish sending an email. You can sit down”

There was a single swivel chair at his desk. “What about you?” You asked.

“I’ve been meaning to get off my feet anyway” He smiled, as you sat down.

You felt like a kid, watching him send the emails, with nothing to do but sit in your thoughts. It was still better than being at home. Alone.

“Do you always work this late?” You asked him, after a while. There was nobody else on the floor.

He shook his head, “No…there was a problem at work, I had to stay longer to figure it out”

“Oh”

He forcefully pushed a button on his keyboard, then turned to you, “So are you going to tell me why you’re here?”

You swallowed, fiddling with the clutter on his desk, rehearsing what happened in your head, and every way sounded stupid. So you mumbled, “It’s not that…important, actually. I should head home”

Yeonjun shut his laptop with a snap. Crossing his arms, he leaned against the desk to look at you, “Come on. Was it not what you expected?”

“Hmm?”

“The art building. That’s why you went out tonight. Is it not as good as you imagined?”

“Oh” You belatedly realised that and held back a bitter laugh, “I didn’t even get to it”

“What? You couldn’t find it?”

“I found him, Jun” You mumbled, staring at your sneakers.

“Found who?” He asked, before the realisation sank in, “Wait, him… as in Hyunjin? How!?”

That was your question too. How did you bump into him out of everyone in this city?

“I…he happened to be at the store that I stopped to ask for directions”

Jun’s eyebrows furrowed, and he knelt to be at eye level with you, “What happened then?”

“He was with some girl”

Without hesitation he said, “His manager?”

Your lip was quivering as you spoke, but you couldn’t be this fucking weak, “Maybe. I don’t really know…”

“It had to be. Hyunjin wouldn’t do that to you”

His faith in him was undeniable, and you felt like you’d break his heart by revealing the rest of the incident to him.

“She probably was. It’s not that, Jun…he walked right past me…I couldn’t even talk to him”

Yeonjun shook his head, “Are you sure he saw you?”

You recalled the look in Hyunjin’s eyes as he dismissed you completely, and the pain in your chest doubled at the reminder, “He saw me.”

“You’re sure?”

You looked at him, eyes filling with tears, “I’m sure.”

Yeonjun recoiled like a shotgun, standing up straight, and you weren’t expecting the immediate anger in his tone, “Why the fuck would he do that?”

You chewed on your lip, hoping it’d stop shaking, wishing you knew the answer to his question, “I don’t know”

“He didn’t even give you his new number?”

A sob built up in your throat, and your head was beginning to pain, “You’re not listening. He ignored me to my face, Jun. Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe it was something I said…all those months ago”

“You could never” He scoffed, “It was because of the woman he was with. Hyunjin’s probably not allowed to just talk to someone in public”

“You really think so?”

Yeonjun didn’t even look a little bit worried. He had his hands on his hips, “What else would it be, Y/N? He’d never ignore you. I don’t understand…”

You swallowed, trying to not cry, “Yeah. I just…had to see you. A few months ago, when his number changed, I was really hoping that when I came to the city, I could find him and fix things. There’s no way he’d do that on purpose. Of all people in the world, Hyunjin would never just cut me off without an explanation but…” You sniffled, “He wasn’t even happy to see me there. He just looked fucking disappointed. Like I made a mistake moving here, even though he all of people—” Your voice broke, “he, all of people knows how much I wanted to come here”

“Babe, please don’t cry” Yeonjun reached out, his thumb wiping away a tear. It was futile since you could already taste the salt on your lips.

This wasn’t what was supposed to happen, “He talked about how he missed me, I just don’t understand. Like, what even happened?”

“Come here” Yeonjun hugged you, and his t-shirt muffled your cries. He rubbed circles on your back, and you were thankful the floor was vacated, because you felt so stupid crying over a boy. Was Hyunjin even thinking about you right now? He had always hated seeing you cry, and now he was the entire reason for it.

You tightened your grip around him, “I’m sorry I’m ruining your tonight, Jun”

“Y/N” He frowned, pulling back to look at you, “Don’t ever say that again”

“Sorry…”

He looked upset and wiped the traces of tears off your lips, “Stop apologising too. This isn’t your fault”

You nodded, holding him still, “Can I please stay in your apartment tonight? I don’t want to go to my place right now”

He smiled, grabbing your bag off his desk, “I’ve told you before. You’ll always have a bed at my apartment, Y/N” He frowned suddenly, remembering something, “Um…I do have to warn you about something though…”

Maybe it was a mistake coming here. Right across Yeonjun’s apartment window, was a picture of Hyunjin. The billboard was huge, and he was plastered all over it. You almost didn’t recognise him at first. He looked like…a star.

His hair was perfectly in place, and sunglasses were pushed up to his head, like he was the protagonist of some action movie.

“You weren’t kidding about it being huge” You commented, watching from his bedroom.

He came to stand next to you, fiddling with the curtains, “I was hoping they’d change it soon, but Pegasus is pretty good at promoting the band. Downtown, they’re on almost every billboard”

At least now you knew you wouldn’t be going Downtown anymore. It was ironic that Hyunjin was everywhere in the city but out of reach for you. If that woman really was his manager, and he wasn’t allowed to even talk to you in public…then Hyunjin’s life was even tougher than you could have imagined.

Being famous must fucking suck, and being in love with someone famous was…soul-crushing.

“Anyway” He cleared his throat, “I ordered us some Chinese food”

You crossed your arms, you hadn’t realised you were starving, “Thank you, Jun…"

Yeonjun just smiled in return, leading you away from the bedroom window before pulling the curtains on the view. You were glad, because if he didn’t pull you away now, you’re afraid you’d stare at that picture for the rest of your life.

»»————-

The Atelier of the Arts was beautiful. 

It was everything you could have imagined, and more. It’s where you’re supposed to spend the next two years of your life. The facade of the building was built almost entirely out of glass, resembling high-end universities you’d only seen in the movies. You felt minuscule in front of the scale and the grandeur of it. Being in Seoul for a few weeks now…you’d realised it was all about towering glass and steel structures, weaved in between all of the imperial history. You just wish you could appreciate it more right now.

A girl at the front desk thankfully told you where to go, and you carefully navigated the hallways until you were at the top floor.

You stared at what was meant to be your classroom. Sunlight cascaded through a transparent glass rooftop, casting a beautiful glow on the plants. 

You only see green. There were plants of all kinds, flowers of every color and the air smelled sweet. It smelled citrusy, and like the drink Hyunjin made you on his last night. 

The door was made of glass too, a brass knob sparkling against the sunlight.

You must have taken a wrong turn somewhere. This isn’t an art studio. 

It’s a greenhouse.

Before you had time to retrace your steps, a girl interrupted you, “You’re not lost”

“I’m sorry?”

“Kim Jieong’s new student, right?” She asked, tilting her head at you. 

You wonder what it is about you that gave you away. Was it the clothes? Or maybe it’s the bag you’re clutching tightly to your chest, sketchbook peeking out from within it. You’re joining in the middle of an ongoing semester, so you already stood out. “Yeah” You managed to say.

She smiled, proud to have got it correct, “You’re at the right place. The room’s just through there, after the hydrangeas. I’m going in now, if you wanna follow me”

She couldn’t be much older than you, and she’s so well put together. 

Her accent was different, like she’s been born and bred in Seoul her whole life. She enunciated everything, frankly, in a way better to you. A denim skirt hung to her ankles, revealing Converse at her feet. Her hair was dirty blonde, tied up perfectly in place, and an amethyst choker sat at her collarbones.

You wonder if you’re underdressed on your first day of class. The creme cardigan you’re in is soft, and it’s comforting to your soul, but it’s not impressive. You found it in a thrift shop in Daejon; perhaps this is a sign you should go shopping here. You’re leading a new life, and you need clothes to match.

The girl was waiting for you to enter, but you’re not ready.

Kim Jieong has been your inspiration for as long as you can remember. He’s painted the most beautiful things known to you — expressing emotions you didn’t even know you had. The fact that he’s beyond those glass doors right now…you’re not ready. Yes…you’ve waited literally all your life, but you never thought it’d actually come to this. You wish you had someone to share this anticipation and excitement with, but all you have is your studio apartment, and its bare, dry walls. You’re trying to be positive, but somedays it feels impossible

A boy stepped through the elevator doors, and his eyes scrambled over your faded creme cardigan, and bag. You’re new here, and he’s clearly not. You can tell from the ease with which he carries himself, and by the way he looks like a picture-perfect rendition of an artist. If you searched “art student” on Pinterest, you’re pretty sure his picture would come up. He’s dressed in denim suspenders, expensive headphones hanging around his neck, paintbrushes tucked into his pockets.

“Hey” He smiled at you, “Are you… the student from Daejon?”

You nodded, holding your bag tighter on your shoulder, happy that he knew of your existence. You’d feared until the last minute that you getting in to the program had been another mess-up, and once you arrived…they’d tell you it was a mistake.

He tilt his head, “What’s your monogram?”

Your monogram. The initials you sign all your paintings with. You tell him your name, “Um…Y/N”

“Oh” He frowned, “I can’t remember if I’ve seen your work”

That’s because he hasn’t. You’ve never had a public exhibition, so how would he recognise you?

“Come on, you can get to know her later” The girl rolled her eyes at him, then looked at you, “Are you coming in…or are we going to chat here the rest of today?”

They didn’t tell you their names, even though you just told them yours. You should ask, but wouldn’t that come off too eager? 

“Yeah. Sure” You forced a smile at her, and the girl’s face softened at that. It’s like she wasn’t expecting you to do that, like she expected you to be soulless and cold. 

Tentatively, you stepped through the glass door, into the greenhouse-cum-studio. It’s like stepping in a fairytale, navigating through all the plants that jut out, magnificent fantastical flowers you haven’t seen even in the countryside. You reached out and touched a purple flower, the petals are coarse but the flower looked so soft.

You were walking on a metal walkway, a bridge over a little artificial stream. It reminded you so much of Daejon, it’s kind of funny that you’re actually thousands of miles away.

“Crazy place for a classroom, right?” The boy laughed. It’s like he read your mind.

You nodded, “I thought I was at the wrong place”

“You’ll get used to it” The girl looked over her shoulder to tell you. You’re standing between them, as they escort you to your class. 

“The hydrangeas” She muttered, pointing to a set of purple flowers as you pass them.

As if stepping into Narnia, the plants suddenly cleared up, revealing a room. It’s big, and there’s an assortment of chairs, tables, easels, shelves, and paint. There’s so much to take in. You watched with wide eyes, and the boy laughed.

“It’s cool, right?” He asked you.

“Yeah” You breathed, “You could say that”

There were already a few students sitting at their easels, but they were too distracted setting up their paints to look up and notice you. 

“Um, what are your names?” You ended up asking. Fuck being eager.

“I’m Minnie and that’s Jeonghan” She told you.

“No, I’m Nate. Nobody calls me Jeonghan except my mum” He rolled his eyes.

“Nate” You repeated, “Are you—”

“American? Yes he is, and feel free to call him Jeonghan…” Minnie finished your sentence, as she walked over to her easel.

He laughed, “I moved back to Korea a few years ago to study”

The room filled with people within seconds. There are not too many of you, just twenty, it’s an exclusive program after all. You looked around at the people who are supposed to be your classmates for the next few years. They all looked a little older than you and like they know their way around everything. 

There’s only one unmarked empty stool in the corner, and it must be yours. After all, this internship was so exclusive, there wasn’t any space for extras. You took your place, opening up your supplies onto the little table. The stool was comfortable and had a plush back, so you wouldn’t kill your back when you were painting. It was already infinitely better than your set-up at home.

Minnie and Jeonghan took their places too, settling into a comfortable rhythm. Your other classmates greeted them with big smiles, but obviously…they didn’t look at you. 

You’d never moved a day in your life, so this was unfamiliar — not knowing anyone in the room, and everything being new. But change was supposed to be good, right? You’d grown tired of stagnation, and so you’d chased this. Perhaps you could try conversing with the girls next to you, but where would you even start? They all knew each other from before. Why would they want to talk to a stranger?

A girl was giggling, settling into her chair, with two other friends, and they were teasing her about something but you don’t know the context. There was a cute boy across from you, and he was setting up his paints. He had earphones in, and was humming to the beat of an unknown song. He glanced up at you absentmindedly, but when your eyes met, your heart stung. 

You were trying desperately to not think of Hyunjin.

But you’ve only been here for five minutes and you see Hyunjin in everything around you. 

He would fall in love with this place — with the sunlight hitting the wooden boards, with how open it was, and he would probably know the name of every flower here. After all, he had to know to put them in pretty drinks to give to girls like you. 

A student sitting opposite you had bleached hair, and she pulled it up into a bun and you thought of him again. Nothing could compare how it felt to card your fingers through his hair, and tug at it when he kissed you. You’d braided it back in his room, and it had been so soft to the touch, slipping through your fingers like sand. 

“Hey” Someone tapped on your shoulder, and you pulled yourself out of the hopeless trench of daydreaming about him. You noticed her chunky platform boots first, and then you looked up at her, “Uh, hey”

“You’re the girl from the south?”

It was heartwarming that she started the conversation with you. You smiled, “Yeah. I’m from Daejon—”

“You’re in my spot”

“Sorry?”

“That’s my spot” She repeated, pointing at your seat.

“Oh” You realised. You’d already opened up your bag of supplies so you hurriedly grabbed your sketchbook, shoving it in your tote bag carelessly. Your paintbrushes dropped in the process, rolling off the table, and you wanted to die. Was it possible to be such a fucking cliche and embarrass yourself like this on the first day of class?

The girl made no move to help you, but you shouldn’t expect her to either. You stood up, holding the bag to your chest, and realised you had no place to sit anymore.

Before you could panic about the situation, someone else in the room caught your attention.

Kim Jieong was here.

He was standing in the centre, and you don’t know how the fuck you didn’t notice him until now. He must have just come in. 

You stood starstruck, at the worst time possible. He was in a beanie, and a thick coat. He had black-rimmed glasses on, and a slight scruff. He looked like all the pictures you’d seen of him, but better than you even imagined – the right mix of pretention and whimsical.

He was the embodiment of art and of inspiration. 

The little girl in you was screaming. 

You were transported back to the first painting you ever saw by him. It was in a magazine that Felix had stolen for you off the library racks. As kids, you and Felix had sat on his bedroom floor, flipping through the glossy pages. On the last page though, there was a painting of a lighthouse, with surrealistic waves hitting the shore. There was no article or editorial. Just that picture, with a name on the bottom. Kim Jieong, 2006. You’d ripped the page out, and kept it safe with you, before returning the magazine. You’d felt no guilt then, because it was the most beautiful art you’d seen then.

Kim Jieong, your favorite artist in history, was a real fucking person.  He was real, and he was looking at you.

The corner of his lip tilted up, “Hey”

Hey.

You’re going to fucking pass out.

He was talking to you. He knew you existed. “Um, hi” Your voice came out softer than it was, and you hope he couldn’t see the stars in your eyes. 

“Can I help you…?”

You could feel the eyes of everyone on you, and you gripped onto your sketchbook tighter, “I’m…the new student”

His eyes widened, “You’re Y/N…?”

He knew your name?

Now he was the one who looked caught off guard, “Shit, I’m sorry I completely forgot you’re coming in today. Nate, can you please help Y/N get a spare stool and easel?”

Nate, the boy you’d met before, smiled, “Of course I can”

Your earlier embarrassment slowly eased. Professor Jieong stepped to you with a poise that only masterminds possessed, “Be honest… Did you have any trouble finding this room? Most students do”

“No, I was just confused because…it’s not really a conventional classroom”

Jieong laughed, “Well, if you liked conventional things, you wouldn’t be here”

“You’re right” You smiled.

He pointed to a corner, “There’s your seat. I’m putting you next to Nate. He can help you out the first week. Even though it’s your first day, don’t worry I’m not going to make you talk about yourself in front of the class or anything like that. I know how much people your age hate that”

You smiled at that, relieved, and finally sat down at what was to be your place for the future. The view from here was so pretty, through the parted indoor trees, you could look out into the city. There were floor-to-ceiling windows sprawled out, and the sun was in your eyes, but you didn’t mind. It must get really hot in the summer, but right now it’s the cusp of winter, and so it was perfect.

“So, how are you liking Seoul, Y/N?” Jieong asked you, stepping in the way, shielding your gaze from the light. It was so early in the morning, but he was full of so much of vigour. You wish you could have energy to match him right now, but lately you just feel drained.

You smiled up at him, observing how the rays formed a halo around his head, “It’s all right…I, uh, I really love the food here.” 

Jieong paced across the room, making sure to look at each student, and there was so much comfort in his stance, as he talked to you, “I know you’re joining in the middle of this semester Y/N, and everything is going to feel very jarring. Usually, people get an intro class and some icebreakers so… don’t be afraid to ask me stuff, okay? There’s no stupid questions in here, right?”

“Debatable” Nate mumbled loudly next to you.

“That’s not what you said when I asked about the color combos last week” The girl with bleached hair chimed in. 

Jieong grinned, putting his hands on his hips as he came to a stop in the centre, “Haha. Don’t try so hard to make me look bad in front of the new girl”’

You laughed, “Don’t worry about it”

Jieong grinned at you, and you were still reeling from his attention as he talked, “We’re going to start on a new project for the next couple of weeks. I have a couple of field trips planned but today we are just going to explore some basic anatomy, okay?”

There was nothing more to be said. Everybody fell into a rhythm, and Jieong wasn’t even speaking anymore, but he filled the room with his presence. He had such a strong personality and clearly had a good rapport with all his students. You were looking forward to get to know him. 

This was such a beautiful room, and you had only been here a few minutes, but you were endlessly inspired. It reminded you of Aera’s, filling you with so much creative energy, you were bursting at the seams. You hoped that this emotion wouldn’t be lost on you. This was the first genuine excitement you’d felt since….since what happened in the shop. 

It’s been a few days, or a few weeks, you can’t really tell. Yet you play it in your head over and over again, trying to connect the dots. You give up every time, because nothing justifies what happened that night, and you don’t realise that most of your sleepless nights in this city pass by…just like that.

»»————-

There were good days, and bad days.

There was a separation between the art studio, and the rest of your life. In the studio, you were content, because you were distracted. At home…was another story.

Your apartment was a blank canvas, and as the weeks passed, you breathed life into each corner. The walls filled up slowly with the new artwork you created, with your works in progress from the apprenticeship. There were a few plants in your room to remind you of Daejon’s lushness.

You immersed yourself in the whirlwind of city life. Seoul sucked you in deep. You found a bakery you like, a grocery store you frequent, an art shop that fed your supplies. 

It’s strange, to have good days, but nobody to share it with. It feels pointless to be excited about something but having to keep it to yourself.

You were still teetering on the edge, you hadn’t visited nightclubs or bars — you found no time between the classes. The people at the apprenticeship were talented, in a way that made you doubt yourself but push harder. You tried to talk to the people around you, but you only saw them in classes, and your friendships didn’t exist beyond those canvases.

It was hard to make friends in the city. You hadn’t predicted the isolation that would come with moving here. Jeongin and you would occasionally bump into you at the stairwell, and that would be the most of your social interaction. You made time to meet Yeonjun each weekend, and he helped you buy some basic furniture for your apartment; a coffee table, a dresser, a mirror. They even helped you carry your new mattress up the stairs, and you invited them in that night for some wine, as a thank you.

You liked to think that you’ve settled into a routine as you washed the dishes in your new home, listening to the hum of the city traffic. In the quiet evenings that you spend with yourself, you drifted into daydreams and thought about him, but you stopped yourself before the longing gets too bad. 

Your apartment is so small. There’s no space in your life to be sad. 

You’re supposed to be living your dream after all.

»»————-

The sun in the art studio never bothered you. Instead, felt warm on your skin, energizing you.You attempted to channel the beauty of the room into each pencil stroke. It was hard to focus on your art, sketching out a few basics as your professor talked over a few prompts. This was only the beginning, so you were taking it slow. It felt like it had been ages since you drew, and your skills were getting rustic. 

When everyone was busy and distracted, Jieong came to you. “Doing okay, Y/N?” His voice was low to not disturb the other students, and you nodded.

“I’m good…just trying to get the hang of things”

“I understand” He smiled, and he was bent over to speak to you, “You’ll soon figure out the pattern. We experiment every class and you’re free to work on whatever medium you want. Don’t think of this as an art lesson, okay? It’s…refining your existing skills”

You smiled, “Yeah. I know I missed a few but I’m excited for the rest of the classes. I feel like I’ve hit a roadblock…with my own work, I end up only making the same kind of paintings every time”

Jieong nodded, like he’d heard this a million times, “But that’s exactly what I’m here for, okay? You can talk to me about anything you want. There’s also going to be a couple of field trips this semester, and you can meet some other mentors. In case you realise you hate my methods”

You laughed, continuing to sketch away, “I doubt that’s possible. I…I’m looking forward to those though”

“And not to sound too forward but…you look like you haven’t slept in a week, kid” He commented, with a chuckle, but there was no malice in his tone. Just a genuine observation.

“I haven’t” You admitted.

“Nervous?”

If nervous and heartbroken were the same emotion. Then yes, you were more nervous than anything. You settled and said, “This just means a lot to me” 

“What brought you to Seoul, if you don’t mind me…asking? Did your parents move here, or a boyfriend or somebody?” 

“Just looking for a change…” You said. It would be too much to tell him that you’d looked up to him half your life, and had worked your ass off the entire summer to get here….That you’d been willing to lose your friendships for this and that there was nothing in Seoul for you except this….It would be crazy to tell him that in the end, a boy had convinced you to be selfish and come here.

His lips curled up, oblivious to your internal worries, “A change? You’re in the right place then, sweetheart”

Sweetheart. You looked up at him, with obvious adoration in your gaze. Kim Jieong just called you sweetheart.

He reached out, to pat your back, “It can’t be easy moving, but I hope you know you made the right decision. If you’re looking for change…this is the place to be, and I’m really looking forward to know you and your art better. I can promise you that you’re going to be very happy here, Y/N”

You’re smiling, but it doesn’t reach your eyes. Maybe you needed the reassurance that coming here and uprooting your entire life wasn’t a mistake. It had felt all too much like that after Hyunjin’s disappointed encounter – making you feel that you should’ve just stayed where you were. 

You’d pined for this place for so long, yet you already missed your little hometown and your life there, because things with him were better back home.

It will take time to get better. It’s only the first day.

The weight of his words sank in, and you suddenly felt teary-eyed. There’s been a void in your heart for the longest time. You thought coming here would fill it up, but even as you’re painting in your dream class with your favourite artist, your heart feels dead. 

You ought to be insane to not be grateful. Seoul was the only thing you ever wanted, but maybe it’s time for you to admit that…wishes change. Dreams change.

A lump builds up in your throat at the horrible realisation that maybe, the only thing that can fill the void in your being was Hyunjin. 

»»————-

Today, you were drawing from life.

There was a model in front of you, and amongst all the plants, she looked like a siren plucked from the pages of an ancient Greek legend. She was sat on a barstool, dressed in a tight lace outfit. You focused on the detailing of her lingerie as you paint it into your canvas. Surprisingly, you’d never drawn anatomy from life before, you’d never ventured into that skill much.

Her set was made entirely of lace — thin flowers covering the chest, overlapping with vines and the model blends into the room's atmosphere. She looked beautiful in muted pastel colours, and you wish you could own a piece like that. You’ve found some time to revamp your wardrobe, and when you wear prettier clothes, you feel like you’re reinventing yourself. 

Daejon was usually always humid, so you never experimented with patterns, layers, and textures. It was the same skirts, the same tank tops, and sweatpants that you circulated through, and it was okay because your life was the same there everyday. Here…you’re trying to be different. 

Nate brought you out of your train of thought. He was poking a pencil in your leg, to get your attention, and you looked up at him. He was grinning, hair swept back. He’s handsome, in a conventional sense anyway, but you don’t let yourself think further than that. There’s no point.

You glanced at his canvas and he’s halfway through his portrait already. Somehow, he’s made the model look even more ethereal in person.

“Could I borrow the green swatch?” He asked, eyeing the watercolours you have in front of you. You’ve bought a lot of new art supplies, and it was quite frankly, a humbling experience. Everything is so much more expensive here, but the apprenticeship gives you some money for supplies, and you’re already halfway through it. The watercolour palette though, is your favourite. It’s Winsor & Netwon. In fact, it’s the same one you used the night of the Paint and Wine event at the Chateau.

“Of course” You told Nate, and handed him the palette. He dipped his brush right into it, taking away some green paint. Everybody around you was quiet, in a deep concentration as they worked on their pieces. Kim Jieong was circulating the classroom, hands on his hips as he observed every student. He stopped every few minutes, to help out, or give advice. 

It’s been some time, but you still felt starstruck around him. Some charms never fade. 

You’ve had little time to observe yet but it was obvious from day one - He’s insanely cool, and he teaches art in a way that makes you so grateful to be his student. He sees the world differently than you, and you’re in desperate need for that perspective. You’re tired of only seeing things your way.

So, you obviously immediately stop painting as he soon as he comes near you. You’re embarrassed as his eyes catch progress of your painting. You’re far behind the others.

“How’s that going?” He asked, in a hushed whisper to not divert attention off the class.

You dipped your paintbrush in water, letting it soak through, “I think…it’s okay”

Jieong frowned, just slightly, looking over your canvas. He had a pair of glasses pushed over his head and he slipped them back on, leaning in to look at your strokes. You’re self-conscious, rightfully, and you held your breath as he analyses the painting.

“Your strokes are very…careful” He looked back at you, “Like you’re afraid of making a mark on the paper”

You gulped, “I…sorry”

His eyebrows shot up, and he removed the glasses, keeping them on your desk. “Mind if I sit next to you, Y/N?” 

You nodded, and you’re ready to hear the end of it. He pulled up an abandoned stool, scooting close to you. You pulled your hands into your lap, and faced him.

He gets right to it, “All the work that I’ve seen of yours in the portfolio you submitted. You were usually more confident. Is something bothering you these days?”

So much is bothering you, yet none of it is an excuse. 

You haven’t come this far, just to slack off. You haven’t paid so much just to be average. You haven’t dreamt so long just to be careful. You’re holding back.

“No…nothing’s bothering me” You lied, manifesting that it will soon be the truth.

Jieong frowned at your blatant lie, because he’s obviously older and wiser and therefore he knows everything. “You’ve been getting enough sleep now?” 

There’s no point in hiding the truth. It’s more embarrassing to be caught in a lie, “Actually, not really…my place is still new to me. I’m still getting used to the bed, my room…the traffic. Where I’m from, it’s always quieter at night. I…also miss my friends”

Jieong smiled at your words, “Is that all? Because if so, then I’m not worried. You’ll settle in soon, and the loud traffic will soon fall on deaf ears”

“I know” You nod, you’re trying to be positive, “It’s just taking some time”

He nodded, and you think he’ll leave but says, “Have you visited any museums yet? Or been around the city?”

You’re conscious again, because everybody else is painting the model, yet you feel like a kid being reprimanded by their teacher.

“I haven’t had much time. I’ve tried to improve my skills at home”

“You’re in a metro city, Y/N. You should let yourself be inspired. I’m not asking you to go out and get drunk—” He laughed, “But maybe the trick is to tire yourself out so much during the day, you fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow”

You forced a smile, but it’s hard when he’s looking right at you, “You’re right. I should do that”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt your painting” He apologised, “You can continue”

You nodded, picking up the paintbrush but you’re shaking. He’s still sitting beside you, and his observant gaze terrifies you. You feel like you’re ten years old again, trying to be perfect in art class.

His hand landed on your shoulder, “Don’t be nervous”

The fact that he’s caught on to you being nervous is embarrassing, and you decide to say, “It’s hard not to be. I’ve looked up to your art my whole life”

He smiled, in your peripheral vision, “Is that so?” He looked proud, the smile reaches his eyes, and you nodded to confirm.

You and him haven’t had too many personal conversations yet. He’s close to everyone else in class but you‘re still getting to know each other. So, he still has no idea what he means to you. He had kind eyes, and the way he carries himself makes him seem much younger than he is. He’s trying to put you at ease, and you feel slightly grateful. He didn’t need to do this, or come here.

“I went to your exhibition in Jeju” You told him.

His eyes lit up, “Is that how you heard about this program? I remember my team was handing out flyers for this program there”

“Yup, I went with my best friend. Well, I sort of dragged him there, but I’m glad I did because I saw the flyers. I never thought I’d actually get in here though”

“Yet here you are” He hummed, “At the fear of not sounding narcissistic, can I ask you what your favourite piece was?”

You smiled, “You’re one of the greatest living artists. I think you’re allowed to be a little narcissistic”

At your words, he laughed. It’s so loud that it catches the attention of the students next to you. Though they’re used to his magnanimous personality, they turn away soon enough.

“You’re too sweet” He told you.

“My favourite piece…” You trailed off, and you’re replaying the exhibition in your head. You had dragged Felix around every hallway, and he’d complained throughout. Your thoughts are overtaken by something else though. At the pool all those weeks away… you’d talked about this in detail with Hyunjin, the night you told him about your rejection. The night you sat with your feet dipped in the water, the night he touched you and told you how he’d tangibly changed you. He couldn’t have known in that moment, how right he was. You can feel the ghost of his touch on your fingers, on your lips, your thighs.

Jieong must have noticed the fall in your expression because he tilt his head, “Everything all right?”

“I’m sorry. I was…just trying to remember” You can’t let thoughts of Hyunjin paralyse you. 

“That’s okay” He said, simply.

“My favourite was Celestial Fatality” You said, “How…did you even come up with it?” You’d theorised this with Hyunjin…but now you could actually get some answers.

Jieong seemed surprised, “That’s a pretty morbid painting to love, Y/N”

“It’s beautiful though. It reminds me of the legend of Icarus”

“What do you like about it?” He leaned forward, and your heart jumped. He actually cares, and wants to know your opinion. The thought of it is crazy and makes you a little dizzy.

“It’s a cautionary tale…the pair of lovers drowning in moonlight, swallowed up in their own…hubris. They were probably told to stay away from each other, yet at the risk of their mortality, they still met”

Jieong seemed almost impressed, “You seem like a romantic person”

It’s a strange thing for him to say to you, in the middle of a Wednesday class. But he’s your favourite artist, and he’s absolutely right. For a romantic person, you’ve surely never had any good relationships to account for it though.

You shook your head, “I’m really not. I just like that painting. Something about it feels close to home. It’s almost like I can feel the pain of their mistake…of choosing each other over anything else in the world, even if that ends in their perishing…”

His lip curled up into a smile, “Fascinating”

Your chest felt heavy, but it feels so good to talk about this with him, “I hope one day I can create something with as much impact as that. I want to tell stories that linger, I think there’s a long time till that though…I mean I’m struggling with basic anatomy,. I guess I just need to get better….”

“I’ve only known you a few weeks, Y/N, but can I tell you something?”

“Hmm?”

He reached out, smiling warmly, “You’re way too hard on yourself. You’re in one of the greatest cities in the world. Live a little, kid”

»»————-

It had been just two weeks, but you’ve developed a habit. Every evening after class, you find yourself organising the canisters on the shelves.

“Should we be paying you for this?” Nate asked, stepping over to you. You don’t talk much in class, and when you do, it’s always in passing, like this. Right now, he had a bag slung over his shoulder, while he bit into an apple, the juice dripping down his chin. You wish you had more energy to put into your friendships right now but making new connections has felt so draining. You’d been too dependent on Yeonjun, but he can’t always be there.

He looked silly, eating fruit here, but you laughed, “I hope you’re joking”

“No, because why are you putting all of them in that order?” He asked, another crunch reverberated through the studio as he bit into it again.

“I actually worked in an art shop my whole life. Old habits…” You shrugged, looking at him.

“You’re kidding me” Minnie said, stepping up, “That explains it”

“Explains what?” You turned to them.

“Your desk is always so…strangely clean” She said. You don’t know her well too, but you love how she dresses. You love how she pours herself into her clothes, and expresses through them. She’s always wearing chunky jewellery, flowing skirts, corsets. Her art style is similar to it. It’s loud but dainty at the same time. 

“I’m gonna presume that’s a compliment” You laughed, picking up your sketchbook. “Can we get going, Nate, please?” Minnie asked him. 

“See you Monday” You smiled at them, turning to finish packing your things.

Nate looked at you over his shoulder, “Actually… You got any plans after class?”

You looked between them, “Not really, I was planning on brushing up on my anatomy. Why?”

Nate rolled his eyes, and he almost reminds you of Minho in this moment, “Even though that sounds like the bestFriday night ever…We’re going to this new bar that opened up. You wanna come with?”

Minnie jumped forward, eyes lighting up, “Shit, yeah! I think you might really like it. The whole place is themed like a post-apocalyptic nuclear bunker. Very cool”

“What?” You laughed, walking over to them with your bag, “That sounds really unique, but I don’t really want to intrude on your plan”

Nate stepped forward, offering his hand to you, “Your anatomy can wait till Monday morning. You’ve been in Seoul a few weeks, don’t you want to explore the cool shit already?”

“Are you sure?”

“We have an extra ticket anyway” Minnie suggested. They’ve never asked you to hang out with them before like this. You wonder what it was about today that made them try. 

You stared at his hand, outstretched to you. No inspiration was going to strike from you just sitting in your studio apartment every night. They were right, and you slipped your fingers in his. He smiled brightly…and that just happened to be the night you made your first friends in the city.

And…Nate had a lot of friends. 

You realised as much when you’re sitting at the booth, squished between Minnie and him, staring at a bunch of young adults you don’t know. 

They’re fun, and they’re on their fifth tequila shot of the night. In another life, this might have been your teenage years too. Attending Seoul University, having friends from affluent neighbourhoods, weekend nights out at the bar. Alas, everyone at this table is worth more than the average person’s income in Daejon, and the only cheap bar in your small town was run by an old creep.

Minnie handed you another tequila shot, her hand resting on your thigh. She’s very handsy and you don’t mind.

There’s been a few rounds of getting to know each other. You’re the new one, so you kind of feel like the baby of the group, even though they’re all older than you. Most of them came from America, but their Korean is so good you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Nate has attractive friends. Ha-ru, Renjun, Lily, Jamie. But none of them hold a candle to the boy you’re desperately trying not to think about. 

You came straight to this bar after class, so you had no time to change out of your paint-tattered clothes. Thankfully, you’re wearing the leather jacket Yeonjun bought you, and it does a great job of keeping you warm. Admittedly, his friends aren’t too dressed up either. They all came from work too, and you once again realise that life here is so different from Daejon. There’s no time for frolicking, or lounging around in diners and swimming in Creeks. Everybody’s working their ass off, to afford the lifestyle that Seoul asks for, the lifestyle you always killed for. 

“So, what brought you to this city, Y/N?” One of his friends asked you. It’s the only question you get asked these days. The most interesting thing about you is your newness, but they’re outgoing, so you’re not surprised at them making all these attempts to get to know you.

“Where do I start?” You joked, reaching for your drink, “I moved here from a little town near the mountains”

Your glass was tinted red, to match the theming of the bar. It’s a fancy place, and all the decor makes you feel like you’re underground. Even the bouncers are dressed up in what look like radioactive suits, for the whole nuclear bunker vibe.

Everything around you is neon. The tables, the lights, the dance floor. Each one of Nate’s friends has a neon necklace around their neck, and glow sticks as bracelets. You’ve seen those accessories in the movies, but you’ve never been to a party with them. Minnie made you a purple and blue glow-stick bracelet, and slipped it on your wrist a while ago. You’re fiddling with it as you talk to their friends. 

“Ah, a small town girl” One of his friends, Renjun, laughed, but you’re not offended. It’s true, after all.

“Why would you willingly choose the life path of a struggling artist?” Jamie asked. She’s cute. Her hair is dyed bright red, so you already like her.

You laughed, “A silly dream”

“What’s your dream?” Nate asked, squeezing your shoulder. You realised his arm is around you, and has been for a while. He smells nice, and so you let it linger. Even now, his huge headphones hang off his neck. He never goes anywhere without them, and you’re proud of yourself for picking up little habits and quirks in such less time already. 

Everybody has different reasons to be an artist, so you tell them yours, “I don’t know…I’ve been painting since I was a kid, but I think I’m ready to finally share my art with the world? That’s assuming other people would want to see it, but I guess I want to reach a point in my life where I’m proud of what I created, and hopefully I can inspire others. Also…because if I don’t become an artist, I have no idea what the hell I’ll do. It feels like the only thing I really enjoy doing”

It’s far too intense, and serious an answer for this bar, but Nate’s friends listened kindly. They smiled as you talked. It felt a little lame, sure. It also feels unachievable, but Minnie grinned, and pat your thigh, “I mean….wow, you’re halfway there! You made it to Jieong’s studio”

She’s right. You’ve been sad and moping this whole time, and you decide that tonight needs to be the night you want things to change. After what Jieong told you earlier today, you deserve a little fun, enough fun for the sirens and the traffic to become your lullaby as you fall asleep.

“But why Seoul? You have enough talent to make it to Paris” Jamie asked. She has piercings too, and you get distracted by how well they complimented her.

“I’d have to live on the streets” You bite your cheek. Maybe they can’t relate because they’re so much more well-off, but Nate laughed, and said, “Isn’t that an artist’s rite of passage?”

You smiled, and downed the last of your drink. 

“Well, since you’re one of us now. Here’s your honorary tiara!” Jamie said, handing you a neon golden tiara across the table. You grabbed it, placing it atop your head and Minnie clicked a picture of you, joking about you being a princess from humble beginnings. Her words slur a bit, and you’ve been here more than an hour, so it explains why everybody’s already tipsy.

The dance floor was absolutely full, and there’s couples grinding on each other. There are so many pretty girls, and attractive guys surrounding them. Girls in tight dresses with no care in the world, and boys trying to flirt to catch their attention. There’s probably someone falling in love right this second, in this very bar, and you’re people-watching for a while. Everybody’s neon accessories are glowing in the blacklights, and it’s a beautiful scene, straight out of a movie.

When you tune back into the conversation, Jamie’s telling the group about some jerk at her workplace today, and you try to follow her story, except you’ve already lost the context. It’s probably the lack of sleep and all the alcohol in your veins.

You don’t have to try for long though since Renjun interrupted it, “Shit, is that Baekhyun?” 

The name is familiar, and you all craned your heads to see who he’s pointing out. 

There’s a well-dressed man at the far end of the bar, and he’s indulging in tequila shots, with two girls by his side. He’s beautiful, and he has silver hair.

“Who he is?” You asked, but you already know. Hyunjin has mentioned a Baekhyun before…and you’ve grown up hearing about him on television too, but this can’t possibly be him.

“A singer” Jamie said.

“Oh. He’s…the Baekhyun?” You dropped your voice. It felt weird talking about him when he’s right there, “Isn’t he like… a superstar?”

Nate nodded, “He’s one of the top, yeah. Even my mum’s obsessed with him. Why are you so surprised? Never seen an idol in the wild?”

If only he knew…

You craned your neck to see Baekhyun making out with the girl at the bar, tongue and all. “I didn’t know they can be so open…” You frowned, unable to comprehend the scene before you.

“Why wouldn’t they? He’s like twenty five. I know you’re not from the city but you’re not that old fashioned, are you?” Nate laughed.

You shook your head, but the little movement hurts you because you’re tipsy too, “No, it’s not that. I just thought…aren’t they prohibited from all of that? The drinking and everything…in public”

Minnie laughed, “Come on, you don’t seriously believe that Y/N”

It wasn’t just your belief. It’s what Hyunjin had told you, time and time again. His reputation was more important than anything, and his company would never let it be tarnished. Indulging in things like this…would definitely alter public perception of him. 

“Well…they’re like super controlled by their companies” You told them. This was one thing you knew more than them. You’d heard first-hand accounts of it.

“Yeah, but none of them follow those rules” Nate laughed, and he’s drawing circles on your shoulder as he speaks, “Every single idol I know is like a sex freak”

“To put it kindly: they fuck like bunnies” Jamie clarified, “All that pent up frustration. Plus they’re all hot, and spend all their time together. It’s only natural”

“But…they’re not allowed to date publicly” You spoke, yet it came out more as a question.

Nate shrugged, “Still. They’re a bunch of horny twenty year olds, Y/N. You can’t be that naive”

“I’m not” You defended, “I just thought…Someone told me that… it’s really looked down upon, that they could get kicked out of the company”

Renjun leaned forward, jutting his head towards Baekhyun, “Does that look like the face of a man worried about being fired?” 

Surely not. He was now making out with the other girl on his arm, while the previous one kissed his neck, at the bar for everyone to see. You’re sure people were taking pictures of them too, whoever wasn’t drunk enough to comprehend this.

“My friend’s worked with a couple of them. They’ve literally all fucked each other. And honestly, if I led a lifestyle as stressful as that? I would too” Renjun laughed.

“Most of them are dating too” Jamie said. 

It felt like a dark cloud washed over you. Were you wrong about everything you assumed about Hyunjin’s life? 

“Who told you that anyway, Y/N?” Minnie asked.

“Just some guy who works at Pegasus” You mumbled, twirling your glass on the table. Pegasus was the label Hyunjin’s group is under, but there’s enough artists in that company to not arouse any suspicion. 

“Why are you so curious about this anyway? You’re in the mood to fuck a famous guy?” Nate asked.

You shook your head, “No, it’s just interesting to think about…”

If you could still talk to Hyunjin, you’d call him right now and ask him all about this, and why nobody seemed to care that Baekhyun was feeling up two girls in this very public place. It was like looking into an alternate reality, where nobody cared about what they were up to. A better reality than yours surely, yet you couldn’t process it. You hadn’t been interested in idols before Hyunjin, and after Hyunjin, all you’d known was their endless restrictions.

Minnie finished the tequila in your glass, “I could never be famous. I’d get cancelled on day one”

You smiled at her joke, but your mood had already dampened. Nate was right. You were naïve to think that none of them broke the rules, just because Hyunjin didn’t want to. You stared at the condensation ring your glass left.

Minnie nudged you in your stomach, as if noticing the lull in your emotions, “Wanna get another drink with me at the bar?”

You desperately wanted a drink, so you could finally let go and enjoy the rest of tonight, “Aren’t we going to be hungover for class tomorrow?”

She rolled her eyes, “Class isn’t till eleven. We’ll be fine. Plus, Jieong knows we drink every Wednesday”

So you followed her to the bar. Baekhyun wasn’t there anymore, and he must have left with the girls. “This place is really cool” You told her, hiking up on a bar stool as she ordered you two Tequila Sunrises.

“Isn’t it? We try to go out every week, it keeps us sane. I mean, there’s so many places to explore too, you know what I mean?”

You nodded, even though you’re all about routine and less about spontaneity, “I get it”

Your drinks arrived, decorated with two cherries on top, and a slice of orange. 

“So, you have a boyfriend yet?” She asked you, chewing on her straw. You knew the question was coming, so you’re not surprised and you don’t flinch.

“No” You shook your head, “I haven’t had one for a while”

She hummed, “Why? It’d be fun to get one, while you’re here”

You laughed, sipping on your drink, “Get one? You say that as if I can just go shopping for a new boyfriend”

The drink was citrusy — a blend of tequila and orange juice. Yet your favourite drink is still the one Hyunjin made you, complete with the flower from his home garden.

She rolled her eyes, “No, I mean, you’re pretty. Look around us and just pick a cute boy. Boys in Seoul are so desperate they’ll be very easy to get”

You laughed, “You’re not serious, are you?”

“I am!” She seemed offended, “Then we could even go on double dates”

“You have a boyfriend?” 

She smiled, “A girlfriend. But we’re on the down low”

You’re surprised, “Really? What’s her name?”

She laughed, pointing at your booth, “You met her. It’s Jamie. She’s at the table”

Your eyes widened, “Shit. You’re dating Jamie?”

“I know, we don’t seem like a couple, right?” 

They hadn’t been all over each other so you hadn’t presumed they were together, but perhaps their love was stable, so they didn’t need to be. You took a long sip of your drink, “No, I just…I just didn’t know”

She shrugged, “We don’t really tell anyone. Not everybody gets it”

“Thank you for telling me. I know we haven’t talked much in class, and you don’t even know me that well, but—”

She interrupted you, keeping her hand on your thigh, “Stop, Y/N. I’ve seen your art, and honestly that speaks to me so much more than knowing someone for years. It’s like reading a personal diary, don’t you think? Art reveals so much of who we are”

You smiled, her words stroking a growing flame in your heart, “What does it reveal about me?”

She chewed on her straw further, smile tugging at her lips, “All I need to know. And since we’re all in Jieong’s class now, I hope you know we’ll basically be family by the end of the year”

“You’re really sweet…I was kind of nervous joining in the middle of a semester, but I’m so glad I’m here. Thank you for taking me out tonight too”

“Of course. You’re the newest addition to the group, we had to”

It feels so sudden, and fast, but you’re thankful they consider you a part.

“So” She leaned forward, “Pick a boy to kiss tonight”

You shook your head, laughing, “No, I can’t” You’re tipsy, but you’re not that drunk, and the idea of kissing someone who’s not him, hurts you far too much. You also can’t imagine enjoying it.

“Why?” She pouted.

You wonder what’s the best way to say it. You forced a smile, “I’m…in love with somebody else”

Minnie’s eyes widened, as if you’d been keeping a secret from her for years, “What? Who?”

You played with the orange slice in your drink, “Just a boy from my town”

“Can I ask what happened?”

You swallowed, gaze wavering from hers, “Uh…it’s complicated, Minnie”

“Did he break your heart?”

You looked up at her, “We…lost touch” 

It sounds stupid to say in the 21st century. Those kind of things don’t happen anymore. It’s not like you are ancient lovers who separated due to circumstances. Yet it feels more like that every day. You wish you just knew what happened. There must be a reasonable explanation for why he acted this way.

Minnie frowned, “I see…”

You know she’s curious, but nobody could ever understand the complexity of what happened between you and him this summer anyway. You don’t think you understand it yourself.

“Let’s just not talk about him” You mumbled, finishing the rest of your drink. You’d been drinking so fast tonight, you didn’t realise how much you’d had.

“Hey…” A voice interrupts you, and you turned to see Jamie, “I was looking everywhere for you”

Minnie rolled her eyes, “The only place you should look is the bar”

“You’re right” Jamie slung an arm around her, pulling her close, “Can we go dance, baby?”

Minnie grinned, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, “Y/N, do you wanna come with?”

You looked between them, and they look so cute together. Jamie was leaving little pecks on Minnie’s shoulder as they talked. They complement each other so well — Minnie with her light hair, and Jamie with her fiery red. You haven’t known Jamie before tonight, but their personalities seem so contrasting too. 

You jumped off the barstool, “I’m actually gonna go to the bathroom, okay?”

“Cool. We’ll be here” She smiled, walking off to the dance floor with her girlfriend.

There’s a line at the bathroom so you stand in it, hugging yourself. The music isn’t as loud here, so it’s nice to get some time to your thoughts. A couple is making out in front of you, and the guy is grabbing her ass, pushing her to the wall. The club walls aren’t the most sanitary for this, but the music playing is sexy, and the atmosphere is so hot. There’s nothing wrong with daydreaming…so you let yourself drift into it. If he were here…you don’t think that would have stopped you either. In a dress that’s too short for you, the two of you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off each other the whole night.

Except… he would have definitely stopped you. You can never imagine a day where he’d kiss you in the middle of a crowded bar.

Once you’re finally in, you splashed some water on your face. Some of it gets on your top. Pushing your hair back, you stared at yourself in the mirror. The image looking back at you is blurry, and out of focus. Pink neon strips surround the mirror, but the light hurts your eyes. The alcohol has got to your head, and your reflection is already spinning. You take in a breath, gripping the counter tightly. You suddenly feel sick. It’s not the drinks. It’s the image burned into your head of Baekhyun at the bar. How is he living his life with so much ease, when all you had with Hyunjin are stolen moments? You’re happy that perhaps the rules aren’t the same for everyone…but it feels unfair. 

You wonder if you’re destined to always feel this way, this loss, like a hole in your heart where he belonged. Tears threatened to spill but you hold them back. You can’t be the girl crying in the bathroom, on her first night out. That would be so fucking pathetic, you’d pity yourself.

“Fucking asshole!” A voice interrupted your breakdown, and through the neon mirror, your eyes fall on a girl as she runs into the bathroom, aggression plastered on her features. She’s in a tight top, and it’s soaking wet. It looks like someone spilled a drink on it. She looked rightfully annoyed, coming to stand next to you at the sink. You wonder who she got into a fight with, or how the drink ended up on her clothes. 

She’s furiously wiping away at her top, but it’s completely wet, purple liquid seeped in. Tearing off tissues one after the other, she seemed frustrated when the dispenser is out.

You’re still zoned out, and you don’t realise you’re holding out a toilet paper roll to her. Your limbs seemed to move on their own accord.

She glanced up at your reflection, with wide eyes. Bangs fall to the front of her eyes, and thick eyeliner darkened her gaze. A nose piercing catches the neon light. Despite the mess on her shirt, she easily looks like the coolestgirl you’ve ever seen.

“Thank you” She frowned, but her shoulders visibly relaxed at your gesture. She grabbed the paper roll from you, and you turned to leave.

“Some dude threw a drunk at me when I said I didn’t wanna dance with him” She said. It takes you a second to register that she’s talking to you.

So you turned around, crossing your arms to hold yourself, “Oh…ouch. Some people just can’t take a no, I guess”

She laughed, looking at herself in the mirror, “Right? I looked in his direction for a second, and he took that as an invitation”

Her clothes …are completely ruined, and you can see her bra. It’s way past the point of saving. It would have been a cute outfit, if it wasn’t for the huge stain at the front.

“Who was he? Maybe I can get my friends to talk with him” You told her, and you don’t know why you’re offering up Nate and Minnie to fight a random stranger, just for this girl.

Still, she laughed, “Your friend would beat up a stranger for me?”

You smiled, and said without hesitation, “If I ask him nicely enough. Actually… I think me and him just became friends today, so I can’t promise you”

She laughed, “A night of firsts for you too then”

“For me too?” You questioned, and you’re still looking at her through the bathroom mirror.

“It’s my first night out on the city after a long time. I honestly just needed to get out. I thought I’d go insane in my apartment” She told you, and then looked down, “What am I gonna do with this?”

You don’t think, “You can have my jacket”

Her eyebrows shoot up, and she whipped around to look at you. You realise up close, she’s even prettier than in her reflection, if that’s possible. 

“You’re serious?” She tilt her head, and looked over you, gaze drifting to the leather jacket that clings to your body, “That looks new”

“You can return it to me” You offered. 

“You trust me enough to do that?” She smiled, and dimples appear in her cheeks. 

“You… seem nice enough”

She looked at your jacket yet again, thinking it over in head, “No, I couldn’t. Won’t you be cold?”

“I’ll be fine, and you definitely can’t wear that” You said, pointing to her blouse that sticks to her body.

She sighed, looking down at herself, and then gives in. You wonder why you’re convincing her to take your jacket. Maybe because she’s the only thing that stopped you from having an actual breakdown in the bar bathroom. She peeled off her blouse, cursing again at how it sticks to her body as she did so, and it leaves her in just her bra. She squeezed the blouse over the sink, wringing it, and purple liquid dripped out.

“That’s gross” You remarked, and she laughed. You handed your jacket to her. Inside, you’re thankfully wearing a tank top so you’ll be fine. She zipped it up, and it’s a little tight on her, but it does the job. It obviously doesn’t match with the denim skirt she’s wearing, but still you smiled, “Cute outfit”

“I look insane” She laughed.

“Well, hey, at least that’ll keep the creepy guy off you” You told her. You then realise you’ve been here far too long, “Um, I should probably head out. My friends would be worried”

She giggled loudly, turning to you, “Wait, but thank you. You’re…really nice. It’s not often you meet people with the likes of you here”

“I’m not from here but…I’m sure anybody else would have done the same thing” You suggested, standing at the door to leave.

“Well, I asked like six girls for help but all of them said no” She mumbled.

Your heart clenched. Perhaps it’s true that people in the city really are so consumed in their own lives. Maybe that’s why everyone in your town hated them.

“Where are you from then?” She asked you.

“You won’t really know it”

Her eyebrows shoot up, as if you challenged her, “Come on, try me. I was a pro in geography in high school!” 

“It’s a town called Daejon”

Her eyes widened, “Daejon? Yeah, I do know where that is!”

“Oh” You smiled, and you don’t know why you’re telling everybody about yourself tonight, but it feels nice. 

“I actually knew somebody from there” She said, and that’s what really catches your attention.

“You do?”

“Yeah” She smiled, but says nothing more.

Someone suddenly tugs at your sleeve. It’s Minnie, and she hooked her arm around yours, pulling you out, “You’ve been in here for like, an hour. We’re going to another bar. Nate and the others are waiting for us” 

You glanced back at the girl, and said, “Sorry! I, um, gotta go”

You’ve made it all of two steps out of the bathroom and back into the bar, before she tapped on your shoulder. She yelled to be heard over the music, it’s so much louder out here, “Wait! How should I get this jacket back to you?”

You’re clearly drunker than you thought since you just handed her your shit and were walking away without any plan of how to get it back, “Um yeah, I can give you my number. I’m Y/N, by the way”

“Y/N” She repeated, pulling her phone out to save your number, “My saviour”

You enter hers, and you’re in a hurry because Minnie is pulling at your sleeve, whining about how the others will be annoyed, “What should I save yours as?”

“You can just put in Kairi!”

“Sorry?” You looked up at her, freezing. The pounding music overtakes your senses. You must have misheard her…

“Kairi. My name!” She smiled, and you’re staring at her stupidly for a second just as Minnie tugs at your arm, and before you can ask her any further questions, she dragged you back into the bar.

»»————-

At 6:46 a.m., there was a text on your phone.

heyy its the drunk girl you gave your jacket to last night :) im very grateful for it and would like to give it back. where do you work, yn?

You’re surprised she remembered your name. 

Last night flooded through your brain. You’d gone out drinking with your friends, and then to another bar, and you’d come home without your jacket… dead in the night. Jeongin had seen you struggling with your keys, and he’d let you in. You’d been so fucking drunk, but nothing can erase the memory of that girl.

She said her name was Kairi. Chan’s ex-girlfriend was a girl named Kairi. The girl he was in love with for years, the girl he was going to ask to marry, before something happened…and they broke up. That had also been around the time Hyunjin had stopped talking to you…

How many Kairis could possibly live here? It’s probably just…a random Kairi, and not the one Hyunjin had told you all about. Although knowing your luck, Chan’s ex-girlfriend was possibly texting you, and this was all kind of insane. You can’t even go a single day without being reminded of Hyunjin, and it feels like life is playing a cruel trick on you by introducing you to Kairi. It’s too big a coincidence. It’s so crazy and convoluted that you should just block the number and never think about this again. She had no idea who you are, and it feels like you’re tricking her by knowing her identity. 

But Yeonjun gave you that jacket so you can’t just let it go, and so you text her back. Just so you can get it back. Nothing more to it. 

hey, im actually a student but i can come to where you work, and pick it up

a student? that explains why you’re so sweet and i work near the outskirts, it’ll be too far for you.  why don’t we meet up at the paris baguette near hannam? is that all right for you for tonight?

i actually have class at eleven 

ah  how about now then?

You sat up immediately. You’re still in your pyjamas and hungover as fuck. Now?

»»————-

Kairi was standing outside the Paris Baguette when you arrive, tote bag slung over her shoulder. She looked absolutely stunning in the morning, miles more so than the club bathroom, and your heart shakes a little. Sober, she’s prettier, and even more confident.

“Hey” You walked up to her, trying not to think about how weird this all was. You’re just here for the jacket, and then you’re going to leave, “Morning”

“Hey, stranger” She smiled bright, dimples returning.

“I’m sorry if I was late” You apologised. 

“No, don’t mind me, I just like to show up way too early. Here’s your jacket!” She reached into her bag, handing it to you, “I had it dry-cleaned in the morning. Didn’t wanna return it with the alcohol smell over it”

“Oh. Thank you” You smiled, “You didn’t need to do that”

“Of course I did. I’m buying you breakfast, by the way”

“You’re what?”

“In fact, I got here early to beat the rush. Got you some pain au chocolat before it sells out!”

Fuck. No wonder Chan was in love with her.

This feels far too weird though, and you can’t be hanging out with her, “I should…get going, Kairi”

“You remember my name, Y/N” She grinned, unfazed by you constantly wanting to just get the fuck out of here.

“Of course…you, uh remembered mine, but I should really go”

“Well, I’m not letting you go that easily. I already bought us food”

You watched, helpless, as she reached into her bag to bring out a little box, “Do you want to walk with me? There’s a place in the park we could grab coffee from”

You really shouldn’t. Every bit of you is screaming at you at how you shouldn’t do this. But she looks far too happy for this early in the morning, and you don’t want to be to the ruin her entire day so you gave in, “I…can’t ever say no to coffee”

Kairi grinned, triumphant as she led you to the park, and when you bite into the chocolate croissant that she bought you, this doesn’t feel like such a big mistake.

You’re walking, and her elbow brushed against yours as she asked you, “You said you’re a student”

“Mmh” You nodded, through a mouthful of croissant. The chocolate sticks to your lips and you wipe it off, conscious of how you look around her.

“So, tell me more, Y/N. What are you a student of?”

You’re feeling the nerves in your tummy, and you need to act normal because this is just a girl. It doesn’t matter if Chan is her ex-boyfriend, or if she’s friends with Hyunjin. You can’t make it weirder than it already is. “I study art” You told her, “At the Atelier”

“Art?” Her eyes lit up, “I swear I always attract the creative people”

“Yeah?” You glanced at her, swallowing another bite of the croissant. 

She shook her head, as if to dismiss the thought, “Mmh. So what kind of art do you learn?”

It’s a chilly morning in the park, but it’s beautiful. People are walking their dogs, and old couples are sitting on benches, and you’re with a kind stranger who was buying you coffee. 

“All kinds, but mostly painting” You told her, leaning against a little fence as you two come to a stop. There’s a little stall set up in the popular trail of the park, and a sweet woman is selling coffee and cakes. Kairi paid for your drinks, and you watched her from where you stand.

“I have a friend who likes to paint” She told you, smiling as she walked back over to you, “Personally, it’s not for me”

“What do you do?” 

“Be careful, it’s hot” Kairi warned, handing the steaming cup of mocha to you. You wrapped your hands around it, and lift it to your cheek, letting the warmth travel to your face.

She giggled, “Who needs heat packs when we have caffeine?”

You nodded, taking a sip of it as you looked at her. She can’t seem to stay still, and she’s walking across a circle of pebbles, as she chats away and sips at her coffee. She’s so endearing, and she reminds you of a mix of Felix and Minho. Today, her hair is pulled up into a bun, strands falling around her face. Her makeup is lighter than it was yesterday too, but she’s prettier in the daylight.

“Oh and…I work in corporate. It’s…a boring job, but I think I’ve had enough of an exciting life” She hummed. You let yourself get comfortable, crossing your ankles across the dirt, enjoying the warm coffee, as she told you about her job, and the kind of clients she’s had. You tell her about your apartment, and about how you’d be locked out so frequently, if it weren’t for Jeongin. You tell her about Yeonjun too. 

You’re trying really hard to not bring up anything that can give you away. You’re so curious, you need to know if this is the same Kairi that you’ve heard of this whole while. Kairi is a common enough name, even if you asked, what would you say? The boy I love is in a band with your ex-boyfriend. It’s insane to bring up, so you settle for something simpler, “Um…can I ask why you’re buying me coffee on a Friday morning?” 

She looked up at you, smiling, “Would you judge me if I said I’m going through a really shitty time? I kind of want to remind myself that there’s still good stuff in the world”

“Oh. I’m sorry” You apologised, staring at your feet. That was inappropriate to ask.

“Don’t be sorry. We all have our own baggage to deal with”

“Yeah. I get you” You said, taking another sip of the mocha, “Um, so don’t you have work today?”

“No” She laughed, “I’m taking a mental health day, as cringe as that may sound”

Your chest squeezed. It sucked to see her go through this, whatever it was, and you barely know her. “We all need that sometimes” You shot her a smile, “It’s not…cringe at all. Don’t worry. In fact, the world would be a better place if everyone took a mental health day once in a while”

She stepped up to you, eyes lost in thought, “You know…you remind me of someone”

“I do?”

“Mmh” She nodded, “My boyfriend, he—Sorry, ex-boyfriend, he was just like you”

Now you’re definitely crossing a line, but you’re self-destructive so you ask anyway, “Can I…ask what happened?”

She tilt her head, pausing between sipping her mocha, “It’s not really morning coffee worth news. I wouldn’t want to bore you with the details but we’re…taking a break…indefinitely”

You swallowed, “I’m sorry to hear that”

She shrugged, wiping some foam off her lips, “Don’t be. I know that…things are going to be okay”

You can’t resist asking, “How can you be so sure?”

“Well. He’s the only person I think of, when I’m sad…and also when I’m fucking happy. I know that he feels the same, and if two people can’t stay away from each other, it just means…they aren’t supposed to be apart” She laughed.

Your stomach clenches at that. You should believe that, except it’s impossible. 

“I wish that I could be as positive as you are” You end up saying.

“You said you’re from Daejon, right?” It comes out of nowhere. Why is she bringing it up now?

You felt a rush in your chest at her question, “Yeah. I am.”

She pokes her tongue in her cheek, and you don’t know where she’s headed with this, “One of my friends was born there”

“Oh…” You try hard not to react, but you’re so easy to read, you give everything away. Anybody would be able to see you’re hurting.

“He’s a painter too. Well…not professionally, but…he wishes he was. He’s so talented. in another life, I’m sure he’s much more successful than even Da Vinci”

You know exactly who she’s talking about, and you can’t hear this. You’ll end up crying or something, so you finally do the right thing and say, “Um. I think I should leave, Kairi”

Her eyes widened, and she seemed confused, stepping towards you, “What? Did I say something wrong?”

You’re pressed up to the fence, facing her, “No. I’m just going to be late for class if I stay and—”

“I said something wrong” She interrupted you, face hardened. 

You look at your feet, and you shouldn’t have come here with her. You’re far too sensitive for this, “No, you didn’t”

“Wait…You know who I’m talking about, right?” She continued, and you wish she’d stop.

“I don’t” You said, and your jaw is clenched from the lie.

Kairi’s gaze is unrecognisable, and her voice feels far away, “You’re…the Y/N…aren’t you?”

You’re squeezing the cup in your hand, “What?” 

“I wasn’t sure…I had a doubt but the more time I spend with you, the more obvious it gets who you are”

Your voice fell to a whisper, “You know me?”

“All he did was talk about you.”

A burning flame consumes your heart, and you can’t breathe, and you asked even though you know the answer, “Who…?”

“Hyunijn… He would be making up excuses just to keep bringing you up, in each conversation. He talked about you every second he could.”

You think you’re going to have a panic attack in the middle of the park.

“He did…?”

“Until… a few months ago he completely stopped. He…hasn’t said your name since”

You swallowed, and there’s tears in your eyes, “I’m sorry I…need to go, Kairi. Thank you…for the coffee”

She doesn’t say anything.

This time, she lets you leave.

»»————-

You’re a mess. 

It’s been a few days since you saw Kairi in the park, and you’re a fucking mess. You can’t stop thinking about her, about what happened with Chan, and about Hyunjin. 

You’re sitting on the floor of your apartment, and your vision is all blurry as you try to paint. There’s an assignment due in a few hours, and you’re not even halfway done. Unproductivity has plagued you. Why do you get so fucking emotional? You wish you at least had some closure. It’s not fair that Hyunjin decided to just move on, and not tell you what was up. 

Your phone buzzed, and it’s only Nate.

you coming to class?  the field trip is planned for today so you better not skip it yn

You don’t even want to get out of bed, but you can’t skip it. Kim Jieong has been talking about this trip for weeks. He’s had to move a lot of schedules around to make it happen. You’re supposed to be visiting an artist friend of his— someone who owns art galleries and does frequent viewing exhibitions. The thought of meeting another real artist like that used to excite you. You had never got this chance back home, and this is just the beginning of the opportunities you get. You can’t be wasting away your time in sadness. That’s what gets you out of bed. That, and the thought of disappointing your professor potentially. These days, it feels like you’re just hanging on by a very thin thread.

When you arrive to the Atelier, everybody’s already gathered in the parking lot, ready to depart. You hate being late, but you spot your friends by the corner and you find comfort in walking over to them. Professor Jieong was in the middle of briefing everyone, and handing out access cards.

“You decided to show up” He said to you, smiling, “We were getting worried”

“I’m sorry. I ran into traffic” You apologised.

“Don’t worry” He laughed, handing you your card, “This will get you in and out of the building, but try not to use it too much. Karina would get into a shit load of trouble if my students are found wandering on the other floors”

Karina is the artist you’re supposed to meet today, apparently she’s big in the art world here in Seoul. You hope one day…you can be too.

Nate’s holding a plastic bag to his chest, and he looks cute today in a pastel sweater, “I packed some extra snacks for you, Y/N”

“You didn’t need to” Your heart warmed at his consideration. 

“Come on, we’re on a tight schedule, so…let’s hurry up, okay?” Jieong announced.

“Since you’re late, you have the honor of riding with the prof” Nate smirked, jutting his head towards Kim Jieong.

“Are you serious?” Your eyes widened, “Just me alone?”

“You’ll be fine, Y/N” Minnie laughed, “He has a bias towards you”

“That’s only because I’m the new one here!”

“No, it’s because it’s impossible to not like you” Nate rolled his eyes.

Jieong approached your group, hands on his hip, “So…which one of you is coming with me?”

“She is” Minnie chirped, pushing you in his direction.

Nate hummed as he walked away, “If I remember correctly, he is your favourite artist, isn’t he?”

You’re embarrassed, and also pissed at your friends. Jieong lead you to his car in the parking lot. You watched Nate get in his jeep and he laughed at your predicament.

Jieong smiled at you as you got into his car, “Oh, don’t be shy, Y/N. This will give us a chance to know each other better, won’t it?”

You sank into his seat, flushing, “Right” 

»»————-

The skyscrapers of Seoul passed you, as you drove through crowded streets and glitzy buildings, “Should I be nervous?”

He looked over at you, “Karina is one of my favourite students. She used to intern with me a few years ago. She couldn’t get off her meetings, so we’re gonna visit her at work. That’s all it is. Nothing to be nervous about”

You’re sitting in the passenger seat and it’s been mostly quiet as you fiddled with the access card in your lap, “What kind of work does she do?”

“She’s a curator. I asked her to be a sort of…mentor for you kids throughout the semester. She’s had her fair share of exhibitions”

It feels strange to ride in his car, next to him. You’re his student after all, “Do I get credit for this, Mr. Jieong?”

He glanced at you, “Of course you do. I’m not doing this on my dime, Y/N. We’re here, by the way”

At his words, you leaned forward to catch a glimpse of the building you’re arriving at. He pulled straight into the garage, and you briefly caught the glamorous exterior.

“This is where she works?” You gaped, “She must be one hell of an artist”

Jieong laughed as he pulled the car into a guest parking spot, grabbing a ticket, “Obviously the entire building doesn’t belong to her.”

You told him about Yeonjun’s workplace, as you waited in the car for all of your classmates to show up, “One of my friends…he works in a building like this, but it’s so…monotonous. I kind of hated it” 

He laughed, “Well, I think you’ll love this one. It’s brimming with creativity. They have beautiful art hung in every corridor too. Karina’s workspace is on one of the upper floors”

“I’d kill to have an office like that. The view must be so good”

Jieong smiled at you, “You continue working as passionately as you do, and you will have whatever the hell you dream of, Y/N. You name it, and it’ll be yours”

He unclipped his seatbelt, and your stomach felt uneasy from anticipation as you got out of the car. Even the parking garage looks expensive, and glamorous. Way, way more than Yeonjun’s building.

“Am I underdressed? Will they let me in?” You blurted, even though it’s hardly appropriate to ask him that. You’re in a peach tube top and wish you’d grabbed a blazer or something. If the place has a dress code…you probably won’t be let in. Thankfully, the skirt falls to your ankles and isn’t too short. He looked back at you, eyes raking over your outfit, and you felt embarrassed. You shouldn’t have asked him.

His lips curled up into a smile, “You look fine, Y/N. Don’t worry”

Fine. That would have to do.

You waited near the elevators, as your classmates also made their way to you. Nate was smirking as he saw you with your professor. You rolled your eyes at him, and he stood next to you, “How was the private ride?”

“Clearly better than ours, Jeonghan, seeing as she rode with someone who actually knows how to drive. I’m surprised we made it here alive” Minnie mumbled to him.

“Stop calling me Jeonghan! It’s Nate to you” He rolled his eyes, shoving her.

“I like your Hangul name better” You told him. Nate was nice, but Jeonghan…had a ring to it.

He smiled at you, eyes crinkling, “Hmm. You’re allowed to call me whatever you want”

You laughed, and he came and swung an around you, holding you next to him. The rest of the class gathered up at the foyer, and your professor spoke, “We’ll be going straight to Karina, she’s gonna talk to each of you about her work, and we’ll spend some time looking at her portfolio. The Atelier has a reputation to withhold, and I trust you all to not mess with it. And yes by that, I mean you Jeonghan”

Jeonghan gasped dramatically, and you laughed. 

The inside of the elevator was as big as your bedroom. The buttons were gold-plated, each label marking names of different managements. It seemed like a big office building, and each floor belonged to a different company. You stepped behind Jieong, letting him take the lead. He pushed a keycard, and the elevator came to life.

Familiar music started playing, and Jieong informed you, “Nobody can enter without authorisation”

“The real estate of this place…must be insane” You commented, looking around you at the gold fittings in the walls. It’s the fanciest place in the city you’ve been to, which is saying a lot, since The Art Atelier is pretty exclusive too.

Jieong leaned against the side, crossing his arms, “Well, all the floors belong to different companies. Most of them belong to Pegasus though. They’re paying for half of it”

Your head snaps to his, and surely this is all a fucking joke and somebody is messing with you big time, “Pegasus? Like…the entertainment company?” 

There was no fucking way he was being serious…

He nodded, “Their headquarters are on the eighth floor. I’m sure you know most buildings downtown share offices”

Somebody has to be fucking with you. 

“Hey, maybe we’ll see Baekhyun or someone again” Jeonghan laughed.

“Everything okay, Y/N?” Minnie asked, “It looks like the life drained out of you, or something”

Jeonghan grinned, pulling you into his side, “She’ll be fine. I’m sure famous people just make her nervous” 

»»————-

A freak accident. That’s what this was. 

Pegasus. That is where Hyunjin works.

You’re sitting in an office on the tenth floor, but you’re losing your mind. There’s art on the walls. You recognise the paintings, and they cost more than million won and you should be taking notes and appreciating them. You can’t focus on them though, not when Hyunjin is in this building somewhere.

You feel like a stalker. First Kairi, and then this. Your life is playing a cruel trick on you. You just need to get through this. It’s possible he’s not even here today — he’s a busy man. There’s a huge chance you are in and out of here, without ever encountering him. Yet you’re dying to see him.

“Make yourself comfortable. Karina will be with us soon” Professor Jieong told you all, sitting at the table. You felt like you’re going to pass out.

“Y/N. Are you okay?” Someone asked.

“I’m fine. I just…need some water” You mumbled. Your head was spinning with the revelation of where you are.

“There’s a soda machine down the hall” Your professor told you.

So, you get up and go out without a word. There’s so much life here. Jieong was right, there’s a hum of creativity in the air and the vibe is far different from Yeonjun’s office. People are walking around, clad in pantsuits and pinstripe skirts, with clipboards in hands. A woman strolled past you holding a costume rack, with the fanciest gowns you’ve seen. 

You’ve never seen so much activity in one place, everybody’s in a rush. You avoided making eye contact with anyone. You felt weird, and out of place. You’re on the tenth floor. Hyunjin worked on the eighth. It’s too much distance, and it’s not enough distance.

As your eyes raked over everyone, your stomach turned with a bit of hope. You want to see him. No, you need to see him. But why would he be on a floor that isn’t his? And what would he even say if you bumped into him right now? The last time he saw you…you can’t survive a repeat of that.

The vending machine was easy enough to locate. It was fully stocked, and huge, unlike the one at your apartment building, which hardly ever worked. You reached into your purse, hoping you have enough change for a Coca-Cola. 

You feel on edge in the hallway, vulnerable and out in the open. Every second feels like you’re in the wild, as you rifle through your wallet for coins. In fact, you should just fuck the soda and go back to Kim Jieong, and your apparent mentor Karina, because being out here is too dangerous for your heart.

You’re about to push the coins in, and then you’re suddenly caught off balance as somebody barrels into you. 

They were running in the hallway and clearly, somebody from your class wasn’t listening to Jieong about maintain fucking decorum in the building. Coins from your hand clink to the floor, scattering in every direction, and you can’t even be bothered to care. 

“Shit, I’m so fucking sorry!” A deep voice apologised. It’s a voice you don’t recognise, and you’re grateful for the unfamiliarity. You’re really not in the mood for conversation, and you feel sick to your stomach.

The stupid fucking stranger bent down, retrieving the coins you’ve left everywhere.

“I’m so sorry. I was running and I…I didn’t see you” He grimaced.

“It doesn’t matter” You mumbled, moving to step away, not really making an attempt to talk because you are not in the mood for this. You don’t care enough about this soda.

“Wait, no, what were you going to get? I can buy you a Cola” He interrupted.

You looked back at him, into the eyes of the culprit, and you froze.

Chocolate brown eyes. Dark blue hair falling to his jaw.

You don’t know him, not personally, but you recognised him. You’ve seen him splashed across gossip websites, and news articles, and in all of the pictures Hyunjin sent you.

Of all the people in the entire building, it had to be him.

He’s holding a few coins in the fist and held his palm out to you. “Sorry, the soda machine on our floor is broken again” He told you, “I came up here to get some for myself but…”

“It’s…fine”

His eyes narrowed, “I’ve never seen you on this floor before”

You faltered, “I don’t work here”

For the briefest moments, something flashed through his gaze, recognition settling into his features, “Oh…okay”

“Have a nice day” You force a smile.

He doesn’t say anything, just stands up straight with all your coins in his palm, staring after you as you walk away. 

»»————-

You need to leave. Everybody was gathered around a woman in the office, and she must be the mentor you’re supposed to meet today. Most of your classmates were looking through the various portfolio pieces laid out on all the conference tables. Minnie was deeply immersed in a painting and taking notes on her phone. Jeonghan was flipping through a brochure for an art gallery and his eyes widened when he saw you walk back in.

“You’re back” He grinned.

“I’m leaving” You mumbled, grabbing your bag. You feel so childish and immature for acting out like this, but perhaps it’s time for you to take a mental health day too. Hyunjin saw you in the city, and ran from you, so it’s only fair that you run from him too. It’s not like he even knows you’re here... it’s best to just remove yourself from the situation entirely, and fuck off.

“You’re what?” Jeonghan followed you outside the room.

“I’m not feeling too well” 

“But what about Karina? What am I supposed to tell Jieong?” He asked frantically, and he’s chasing after you as you make your way to the elevators. You’re surprised he cares this much.

You turned, to look at him, “It doesn’t matter. I…I really don’t want to be here.”

He frowned, “But what’s wrong? You’ve been acting really weird ever since we came here. Or…actually, you’ve been weird the past week. What happened?”

“I’m fine, Jeonghan. I’m just sick” You told him, pushing the button to make the elevator come faster, and you were too impatient to wait for it, “I’m just going to take the stairs”

He tugged at your arm, turning you to face him, “Are you kidding me? We’re on the tenth floor, Y/N” He sighed, “Look, I know we don’t know each other that well, but don’t bullshit me, please. We’re going to be seeing each other every day for a year. If things are fucked up, at least don’t lie about it to me”

You looked him in the eye, swallowing, “But…it’s really not important. I promise you’ll be the first to know when it is, okay? It’s just some shit from back home”

He frowned, “Okay but today is important, you…shouldn’t miss it, no matter what’s going on” 

You pressed the button again, wishing the elevator would come faster so you could leave, “Jeonghan… I appreciate you caring. I really do, but trust me, nobody in that classroom is going to miss me, or even know that I’m gone”

“You’re kidding me” He sighed, as if he was personally offended by this, “Jieong used to talk about your art all the fucking time, before you even joined class. What makes you think he won’t notice?”

You’re not expecting to hear that, “Are you serious?”

He nodded, “He told us we had real competition to look forward to now. He was going on about how it’s been years since he’s seen such work. He really set the standards high for when you came in, Y/N. We all thought you’d be a bitch based off that but…it’s crazy. You’re actually the sweetest girl I’ve met in a while”

Despite your internal state of panic, it made you happier, “Oh…um, that’s a lot to live up to, Jeonghan”

“I know we’re still getting to know each other, but you’re a part of us now. I’m looking forward to know you even more” He smiled, reaching forward to pinch your cheek, “And see? You’re one of the only people who’s even allowed to call me by my real name”

You looked to the floor, then up at him, “Would he be mad if I left?”

“He wouldn’t be mad. Just disappointed…but…if you’re really feeling sick, I’m sure he’d understand. I can talk to him for you”

“Thank you, Jeonghan” 

“Of course” He grinned, and caught you off guard by pulling you in for a half-hug. You stilled, not expecting that, but the physical contact felt nice, and you brought your arm up, to hug him back. 

“I hope you feel better” He mumbled, as you pulled away, a small smile on your face. You’d made a genuine friend here, even when you weren’t trying to.

A ping rang through the floor lobby, and the elevator doors finally opened up. 

You turned to step into it, but you stop short in your tracks when you look inside.

It’s a jolt to your dying heart.

Hyunjin is standing in front of you.

Your chest squeezes so you think you’re going to die.

Fucking hell.

Leaning against the elevator wall, arms crossed, his eyes widened as they fell on you. He instantly stood up straighter, ease disappearing from his body, surprise overtaking his features.

You’re sure your expression mirrors his. He was staring at you and Jeonghan, mouth parted.

Hyunjin is here. He’s in front of you. 

You immediately stepped away from Jeonghan, but Hyunjin had already seen you embracing.

“Um…I’m sorry. It’s the wrong floor” Hyunjin spoke, but there’s shock in his voice, even if he’s trying to sound nonchalant. His voice was hoarse, like he’d just been singing, and exerting himself. 

He leaned ahead, pushing the button to close the doors, but you can’t let him do that. He’s right here, and you need to go after him.

You turn to Jeonghan, rushed words, “I’ll…see you later”

He’s clearly confused. He chuckles, “What?”

He’s actually fucking here. It’s been so fucking long. You don’t have time to explain anything, and you don’t hesitate before stepping into the elevator, barely making it in. 

The doors shut, and it’s just the two of you now.

Hyunjin was staring at you, and his hands are gripping the railing behind him, “Y/N…”

He was sweaty, and his hair was dripping wet, bangs sticking to his forehead. A white tank top hugged his body, over his sweatpants. He’s staring at you, and he looks so fucking good. Your brain is on overdrive, and you can’t process anything. 

“Hyun…” You spoke. The floors are whizzing past you, and you don’t have any time. You both stepped forward at the same time, and you wrap your arms around him. He immediately hugs you back, pulling your body into his. His arms curl around your waist, and you’re on your toes, and everything is a blur. But you’re in his arms. You’re touching him, and you’re breathing him, and the void in your heart is already dissipating.

You could cry right now, because he feels the same to the touch, and his heartbeat is pounding so fast against his ribs, you can hear it.

“I missed you so much” You spoke into his neck, and your words are muffled by his hair, but he knows what you said.

“Y/N…” He whispered, hands tight around your body, and then he pulled away, “Jisung told me he saw you. I didn’t…I didn’t believe him. I had to see you myself”

“Is that why you were—”

“I was coming to see you” He interrupts you, and then his eyes dart to the elevator panel, to see what floor you’re on, “What are you doing here, Y/N?”

He must be baffled why you were at his workplace of all places in the world.

“I…I came with someone, Hyunjin, My professor…” 

“Oh”

“Yeah…” You swallowed. You had so many questions. Why had he changed his number? Why hadn’t he talked to you in the store? 

A part of you had doubted, if what you’d felt this summer truly was love, or if it was only infatuation…but seeing him right now, in front of you, it couldn’t have been anything else. 

Every neural pathway in your brain was firing at total capacity, flooding your body with adrenaline, dopamine, oxytocin, every good hormone known to man. You were giddy, and nervous, and scared, and excited.

“I…don’t have much time. I was at practice and I need to get back…” He replied, and his breaths were shaky, “Somebody could see us”

“Wait—” You stepped forward, “You can’t just leave right now. I need to—”

Hyunjin lowered his voice, urgency in his tone, “I can’t talk here, not right now, Y/N”

He couldn’t walk away from you, not now, not again. You feel like crying already at the prospect, “But—” 

“Meet me in the third room in this hallway, down the left. In fifteen minutes”

“What…?”

The elevator doors opened, and Hyunjin separated from you as if you’d electrified him. 

There was a group of people outside waiting, and anybody could have seen you close to him right now. He stepped out hurriedly, saying nothing else. People flood into the elevator, but you’re still staring at him walking away. 

Before disappearing around the corner, he turned to glance at you over his shoulder, and the surprise is still pure in his eyes. You used to hate these stolen glances, but right now… you live for it.

»»————-

The fifteen minutes dragged on at a snail’s pace. You don’t think time had ever been this slow, and your eyes strayed to your phone every few minutes, which only made time stop. You were pacing the hallway, clutching your bag in hand, eyes on all the different plaques of achievements hung on the wall. You recognised the band name, Urban Faeries, on multiple awards, and it brought pride to your soul, but you’re not really thinking straight.

You’re pacing, back and forth, and you drew a few suspicious looks but you hope they believe you’re just another stressed employee working here. The time is up before you know it. The third room, to your left, he had said. You stared at the unmarked white doors. You’d never live it down if you accidentally walked into a conference room, or an executive meeting. But you’d just have to trust your gut. You pushed open a door, stepping inside quickly.

You weren’t sure what you had expected. It was…a storage room. It's less fancy than the rest of this building. Racks and racks of clothing, and outfits were arranged on the sides. Stage costumes. They were all in plastic wrapping, like wedding dresses at a bridal boutique, and you could see the outfits underneath.

It had been ten minutes since you were here, and you’re staring at your phone, wondering if you were in the wrong room. He’s not here yet, and there’s a lump building in your throat. Minutes more pass, and you end up looking through the outfits hung on the rack. Sequinned jackets, tight bodysuits, leather pants. It was all so beautiful, and you imagined it all on him. There was a sheer top with lace sleeves. You shouldn’t, but you touched it, reading the tag on it.

Hwang, Hyunjin. KBS Gayo Daejon 2023.

So it was his. You had no idea he wore things like this, and you had a sudden overwhelming desire to see him in it. Lace covered every inch of it.

“You like that?” A familiar voice infiltrated your thoughts.

You were startled, letting go off it instantly. You felt embarrassed, like a kid caught stealing from a cookie jar, but all your feelings dissipated upon seeing him.

“Hyunjin” You realised.

He leaned against the wooden door, letting out a breath, like he’d run here. His gaze was on the bodysuit you’d just been eyeing. He continued speaking, nonchalant, “I personally think it’s a bit much. I don’t see the big deal, but the fans…they love it”

“It looks…great” You said, eyes drifting to the costume rack.

“I’m supposed to wear it, later this year” 

You’re lost on what he’s saying. You just can’t believe you’re actually seeing him in front of you, flesh and blood.

There’s a singular lightbulb in the room, and it hangs from the ceiling, swaying back and forth lightly. Shelves surround you on both sides, and there’s only a narrow aisle to stand in. His back is flush to the door, and his arm reaches behind him, turning the doorknob until you hear a clicking sound. 

He’d just locked you in with him.

You blurted the first thing that came to your mind, “Are you okay, Hyunjin?” 

So much was on your mind, but that was the only thing that mattered. If the boy you loved was okay, then you would be okay too.

He breathed in, like every word was a struggle, and he was still catching his breath, “Yeah. Yeah. I’m okay…You?”

Now that he was here, you realised how small this room was. He took up so much space here, as he did in your heart. Twenty minutes ago, when you saw him…you were too shocked to process it, but now your eyes drifted over his figure. The white tank top fits his body in all the right places. It’s like every day away from you only made him prettier. You nodded, “I’m…okay”

Then his gaze raked over you. You suddenly feel conscious for the way you’re dressed. It’s different from how you used to in Daejon, and he realises that too. It’s more expensive than you’re used to. It’s artsy, like all the other kids in your class. You wonder if he hates it, but his gaze lingers on the strapless top and the silver pendant hanging from your neck. You recognise the look in his eyes, and it’s certainly not hate.

Your heart pounds at his gaze. The room suddenly feels even smaller now. 

“Who was that?” He cleared his throat, “The…boy you were with”

“He’s another student…at The Atelier. I’m here with my class…” 

“Oh…” His tongue darted out to lick his lips, and you tried to focus on his words, “So you’re here with Kim Jieong?”

You nodded. You’re so nervous. You’re fiddling with your fingers, “Yes”

In the little light of the bulb, you saw his lip curl up, “I knew that you’d get in”

He has such an effect on you, because just those words made you smile, “Yeah?”

In an instant it’s like all those months and weeks have been forgotten. It feels like there was no distance between you. Like catching up with an old friend after years, everything clicks into place like puzzle pieces that fit together.

“I told you, didn’t I?” He tilt his head, hair falling into his eyes, and he looked smug.

You clasped your hands behind your back, “You did…”

He continued, a little smirk playing at his lips, “I knew that you’d get into the program. I had a feeling that they’d made a mistake”

You’re smiling now, and your cheeks already hurt from the unfamiliarity of this action. It’s been a while since you’ve felt this way, “You’re proud of me?”

His features softened and he stepped towards you, “Is that really a question? Even when you hadn’t got in… I’d still be proud, but yeah…I’m so proud of you”

“Thank you” Your voice fell, chest warm, and you feel so shy, “You… always had faith in me”

“Is it everything that you imagined?”

“The art program?” 

He bit his lower lip, “Mmh, and the city. Has Seoul been nice to you? Hopefully, nicer than it has to me” 

You shrugged, “It’s been nice. I…made a few friends. I have a nice apartment. It faces a busy street…It kind of sucked that I didn’t get to share any of it with you”

His expression changed, “Sorry”

Tentatively, you took a step towards him. There’s only little space left between you now, but you’re both being so careful. It’s like a magnet between you two, you’re hovering but not getting too close, not touching. 

You know that if he touches you, it’ll be the end of you.

“What’s going on, Hyunjin? Why did you ask me to meet you in here?”

He sighed, gaze darting to the corners of the ceiling, “It’s the only place in the building they don’t have cameras”

“Oh…” Everything suddenly made a lot of sense.

His voice softened, “Don’t worry. Nobody’s supposed to come in here right now. I checked all the schedules”

You have so many questions, but somehow you ask him the least important one, “The woman in the store with you. Was she your girlfriend?”

You regret it as soon as you ask. It makes you sound envious, and jealous. It paint a picture of you that’s not true. Sure, you’ve wondered about her identity all these weeks, but…she hardly mattered in the grand scheme of things. There’s more at stake here.

Still, Hyunjin’s eyebrows shoot up, “What?”

You feel stupid repeating, “When I saw you, you were with a girl…”

“No. No, she’s just my manager, Y/N”

“Is that why you pretended to not know me when you saw me?” It comes out harsher than you intended, but you don’t have time to ease into it. You need to know, because it’s bothered you for so long.

He swallowed, and guilt flashes over him. “Yeah. The manager I was with... She’s one of the less forgiving ones”

It eases the slight ache in your chest, but you’re not done. There’s an explanation for why he acted this way, but he’s not attempting to explain the rest.

“Why did you disappear, Hyunjin…?”

He swallowed, “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean — You changed your number all of a sudden. Do you know how hard I was trying to reach out to you?”

His fists are balled up at his side, digging into the material of his sweatpants. You feel a little bad for questioning him like this, and putting him on the stand, but you deserve to know. 

“I’m sorry. I had to. I was afraid…” He trailed off, and it’s half-hearted. 

So you pushed for more, “Afraid of what?”

He looked at you, straight, “I was afraid they’d find out about you. I couldn’t risk it. You know everything that’s been going on in my life, Y/N. With Chan and Jisung…I couldn’t let them get into more trouble because of me”

It hurts to hear that you’re only seen as trouble in his life. You’ve heard of many idols and celebrities who date, fall in love and marry. Why is it only an issue when you’re the one in love?

“I understand that, but…you could’ve told me. I was so fucking confused for months, and I thought I fucked up somehow. Did I do something wrong, Hyunjin?”

“What?” His voice raised a pitch, like he couldn’t believe you asked him that.

You tried not to cry, “I mean…I must have done something, for you to act this way towards me…you cut me off, with no explanation…”

You didn’t care anymore if you sounded needy, clingy, or desperate. You’d been craving an explanation all these weeks, and now that he was here…you couldn’t leave without getting one.

“No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong, Y/N” He stepped closer, until his chest is inches from yours, “I had no control of the situation…and I couldn’t risk contacting you”

You swallowed, “But why…didn’t you just tell me what was going on? I was…in the dark, for months”

“I’ve been meaning to tell you. I just didn’t know how”

“Tell me now…please” 

“They went through Chan’s phone” He blurted, “After everything with Kairi went down. They were worried that something would leak and I…I couldn’t deal with that. So in the store…I couldn’t talk to you. Please believe that…especially not in front of her. It would’ve been hell explaining who you are”

He’s right. What good would it have done? The woman you were wondering about…she was just his manager. You knew that, of course. But still, it’s like you’re strangled by a lasso of truth as you blurted, “I was …jealous”

Hyunjin’s expression changed, and he tilt his head, “You were?”

He’s questioning you, yet there’s pride in his voice, like he’s happy that he had that effect on you, even if he didn’t intend to. 

“She treats me like I’m a kid, Y/N” He tells you, with a slight chuckle, “She’s married and…way older than us”

The ache in your chest has subsided, “I don’t know. Maybe you’re into older women like her”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, and there’s a playfulness in his voice. It truly feels like all of those months had been forgotten, “That’s a nice way to get fired”

“You can get fired?”

There is amusement in his features, “It’s a job, Y/N. Of course I can get fired…and anyway, does Kim Jieong know you’re here with me?”

You looked into his eyes, “Nobody knows I’m here…”

He nodded, relief sinking into his shoulders, “That’s good because—”

Hyunjin is interrupted by a loud sound.

You’re confused…until your attention turns to the door. The knob is turning…

Somebody’s trying to get in.

Hyunjin’s eyes widen.

Your eyebrows shoot up, and you panic. “Is someone—?”

He doesn’t let you finish your sentence. He clasps a hand over your mouth before you can speak, pushing you to the wall by his body, “Don’t say anything, please”

In a daze, you nod. Over his shoulder, you can see the knob struggling to turn. It’s met with resistance — The lock seems to be holding up.

“Hello?” An unfamiliar voice of a man asks, “Is anybody in there?”

“Shit” Hyunjin drops his head against yours, whispering, “I forgot to check for maintenance”

His palm is flush against your lips, and you’re glad he’s physically stopping you because your anxious breaths could surely be heard outside. You’re so nervous. You don’t know what would happen if someone finds you two here like this. Based on everything he’s been telling you, absolutely nothing good. 

Suddenly, you feel guilty. He’s in here because of you. He can get fired because of you. You would never forgive yourself if he has to deal with any consequences, because of your existence, and instantly you understand why he did what he did. All your anger and confusion dissipates, and understanding sinks into you.

The door budges as somebody tries to kick it in, and the person on the other side curses loudly, “Is this door fucking broken again?”

You’re holding your breath too hard. You need to calm down. Your hands find their way to his waist, crumpling his shirt. You’re pinching at his skin, but he doesn’t care. He can hear your heartbeat, pounding so loudly. Silently, with just his eyes, Hyunjin asks if he can drop the hand. 

You nod. He pulls his hand back and his palm is wet with your saliva. He doesn’t mind. He doesn’t even wipe it. He just stays in place, eyes locked onto yours. You couldn’t move… even if you wanted to. You’re frozen to your spot and caged by his body. It towers over you. 

“Don’t worry…They’ll leave soon” Hyunjin reassures you, in a whisper.

You’re lucky he remembered to lock it. It’s undoubtedly a compromising position to be seen in. In a dark corner of the storage room —your bodies are squeezed together. He is dripping with sweat; you can feel it sticking to your skin. You can feel every muscle in his stomach, pressing to yours. 

Your eyes meet each other, and they stay. It’s so quiet in here, you could hear a pin drop. 

It’s as if he’s looking right into your soul, no words exchanged, but his eyes say everything. Like you’re challenging each other to some staring contest, seeing who would give in first, but neither of you do. You’re burning, pierced by his strong gaze but you look back at him, sight not leaving his for even a second. 

He’s breathing so heavily — running on hormones and adrenaline, and his chest is moving in sync with yours. You can hear his heart thud erratically. It’s loud and frantic in a way he can’t control it. He was near you after so long. 

“What if…they get in?” Your voice is shaking, you hardly recognize it.

“They won’t” He whispers. 

There’s so much need you need to ask Hyunjin. He’s been out of your life for months, but the only thing that matters right now is the feel of his body against yours. 

One of his arms is against the wall. The other is flexed with how tight he’s holding you. He’s been working out. Right now, he’s drenched in sweat.

You’re dizzy with want. He’s trying, but failing at looking at how you’re pressed to him. 

His gaze falls to your chest, then back into your eyes, almost shameless.

Your top hardly leaves anything to the imagination, squeezing your tits against his chest, and his gaze is fixated on it, dropping down every few seconds. 

You’re not saying anything, but nothing needs to be said. A sweltering desire courses through your veins. 

It’s impossibly hot — hiding in here with him.

You’re electrified by his gaze. It swirls with a thousand unspoken things.

This is fucking stupid considering the circumstances. You could be caught right now, and everything would be over then. 

Slowly, your hand moves over his shoulder. You squeeze his bicep in your hand, feeling him up, and his heart beats the same but his body is different. He feels stronger to your touch, like he’s been dancing for hours on end, using up all his energy. 

“You…feel different” You whisper in realisation. There’s muscle now where there wasn’t before. His breath hitches, like he’s holding everything in, and his eyes fall shut. His body has changed in your absence, and you hate it, and you love it. You hate that he’s not how you remember, but you love that there’s more of him to know. More of him to touch, and discover and feel. 

He’s so close that his hair is falling into your face. He tilts his head to give you space to breathe. It only makes it worse because now his nose brushes against yours. There’s barely an inch between you. 

What happened in these few months? You need to sit with him, and talk for days about it. You want to tell him everything you kept to yourself, every incident, every joke, every dream, every morning, afternoon and night. You want to kiss every part of him, so your lips remember his again. So it’s muscle memory, and so he’s never a stranger to you.

The mind forgets, but the body remembers.

Therefore, you can only blame it on your body right now that it’s horrible timing but you’re so fucking turned on.

The distance between your lips is nonexistent. 

He’s breathing your air, and you’re breathing his.

You should move away now, but you don’t. Hyunjin’s breaths are shaky, and his hands on you are so tight, like he’s afraid to let go. Your breaths are shaky too, they’re desperate and no amount of air in the world can bring you calm. 

You want to be even closer than you are, and you press yourself to him, but the only way to be closer than this is if he were inside you.

There’s no more sounds from the other side of the door.

And then his plush lips part to say, “I… think they’re gone”

Saying that was his first mistake, because as he speaks, his mouth brushes against yours, tenderly, so delicately. 

Your heart jumps. You can’t control yourself. Slowly, you press forward, taking his lower lip between yours. Hyunjin tilts his head, so his lips fit perfectly between yours, but you’re not kissing, not yet. 

You’re both not moving an inch, but you are biting down on his lower lip, and Hyunjin lets out a whine. It emerges from deep within his chest. His fingers dig into your waist, thumbs slipping under the top, to feel more of your skin. You tug at his lower lip with your teeth, pulling it. A rushed moan fills the room, and you soothe the bite with your tongue, but you’re still not kissing.

You grab his hands in your own, fingers circling around his dainty wrists. Silver bracelets clink against each other, as you move his hands up your body. You want him to touch you. He takes the invitation and raises his hands to your top, cupping your chest. Does he remember your body? You feel so much. Too much. 

Hyunjin’s other hand slides into your hair, his fingers on the nape of your neck making you dizzy. Long, thin fingers with silver rings card through your hair, his nails brushing your scalp, and your heart stills. The jewellery he wears is different now, but you feel the same kind of insane.

But he still doesn’t kiss you.

He just tilts your head, so he can lean in, pressing a kiss into your neck instead. Your eyes flutter shut from the pleasure, and you can only focus on the sensation of his mouth. His mouth, that drops kisses along your neck now, a trail of spit and lust. You moan at the sensation, and it’s too loud.

“No…You have to be quiet” He whispers into your neck as he sucks on it. His voice is the same kind of sexy, but he’s never commanded you like this before. He kisses every inch of skin on your neck, moving closer and closer to your mouth. 

A trail of kisses, up and over your jaw, until his lips finally meets yours. His second mistake is giving in. He closes the remaining distance, your hair bunched into his fist, and neither of you are breathing anymore because his mouth is crushed to yours. 

All those months disappear into nothingness as you slip your tongue into his mouth. It’s what happens every time someone puts you and him in a room together. 

You kiss him with desperation and Hyunjin kisses you in hunger. He pushes his tongue in, and you’re making out like your life depends on it. He doesn’t stop squeezing your tits, fondling them through the thin fabric of your top. The material does nothing to hide how turned on you are, but you can’t be embarrassed. Not when you can feel his crotch pressing into your leg, and he’s just as turned on.

His hands are everywhere on your body, finding their home on your waist, and he pulls you into him so your back arches off the wall. There’s no words exchanged and it’s primal  in every sense. The air is filled with your breaths, and whines. 

He’s burning up. You push him, until he’s pressed to the door instead. Hyunjin stumbles back from the force. 

It’s like you want to be caught. The very door that separates you from the rest of the world. The only thing standing between you and total annihilation. It’s hotter this way, and you press your body to his, moulding your mouth to his, hands running through his hair. He lets out a moan that travels straight to your heart which is beating faster than it has in a long time. There’s a fire in it, and every touch of his skin against yours blazes it more.

He turns you around, until you’re pressed to the door instead. He grabs your thigh, pulling your leg up so it’s wrapped around his waist, and he’s grinding his crotch against yours. You can feel him in your core and you pull back to breathe, moaning, “Hyun…” You’re not thinking, only feeling him in every single atom of your body.

You tug at the drawstrings of his sweatpants. You need to take them off. You need him now more than ever. Hyunjin is your annihilation. 

He realises what you’re doing, and he pulls away in a daze, spit-coated lips, “Wait, wait, Y/N…”

“What?” You mumble, kissing his jaw.

His eyes are squeezed shut, “Shit. Wait…stop, we can’t do this”

And you can only whine, pulling him back to you, “You say that every time”

His voice drops, a bitterness to it as if he’s just had some grand fucking epiphany, “Fuck. No, We can’t…”

He says that, but Hyunjin is a hypocrite because when you push your tongue into his mouth, he lets you. He tastes so good, and kissing him feels coming home. It feels like what you’d been missing this whole time and kissing him makes you feel alive.

He mumbles, against your mouth, “We… need to stop”

You pull back, only slightly, “But …nobody is going to know. You said it yourself, nobody’s coming in”

You lean forward to kiss him, but he moves his head away before you can. You’re too much in a daze to be hurt by this rejection. He shakes his head and steps away, as if he’s trying to wake himself out of his dream, “No, we can’t. Not like this”

“But…we’re just kissing—”

“No…this isn’t okay, Y/N. None of this is.”

You fall quiet, and his words are swirling in the room all around you. Your mind is having a hard time process them. You’re in a lust-driven daze, and you brace yourself against the door to catch your breath, “What do you mean…by that?”

He breathes in, snapping out of the lust, “We’re making out…in a fucking storage closet. Do you not see how much is wrong with that?”

His tone stings you. “I mean…I don’t Hyunjin. That’s what we’ve always done. The photobooth…the—”

“That’s exactly what I mean!” His voice raises all of a sudden, but he realises and lowers it again, “We shouldn’t have to sneak away to…to do this. I’m so sick of this…”

Your heart wakes up, but only because it’s suddenly hurting again. His lips are swollen from kissing you, but he’s speaking everything you hate.

Your chest hurts like it’s going to collapse. “You’re sick…of…me?”

He looks at you, distressed eyes, “No…of…of the guilt…”

Since when has Hyunjin felt guilty? And for what? “What are you saying, Hyun?”

“Are you not mad at me?”

“What for…?”

He let out a frustrated sigh, “I stopped talking to you…but you don’t seem angry at all”

“I thought you did that because you were forced to by your managers, by the company… Is that…not true?”

He looked right at you, a bitter chuckle, “Nobody forced me to do anything, Y/N. I wasn’t even supposed to see you today, but…after Jisung told me he met you in the hallway, I couldn’t focus on practice. The routine is usually muscle memory to me, but I forgot every fucking step, because… I realised you were here. But you need to know I didn’t come in here to kiss you. I just wanted to talk to you”

You swallow, crossing your arms against your chest, and your heart is still calming down, “Okay. Talk”

He breathes in, running a hand over his face, “I… lied to you, Y/N”

“About…what?”

“Everything that we talked about” He’s scaring you, “I told you that when you moved here that I’d take you to the studio, to watch me record my fucking music”

“Yeah?” You don’t know where he’s going with this.

“But I obviously can’t do that” He takes a breath, and it feels like he’s on the verge of a panicking, "I can’t…bring you to the recording studio. I can’t paint with you. I can’t show you my routines, or any of the things I promised you. You see that, right? I mean, even just to talk to you, I have to do it away from everyone. This is…insane. I don’t know why the hell I said all of that”

He's spiralling, and you need to calm him because he’s so fucking hard on himself, “That doesn’t mean you lied, Hyunjin. You said that because you wanted it to be true, didn’t you?”

“That’s the thing! It can never be true, Y/N. You don’t see that?” His negativity…hurts you.

“I called you in here to tell you this, but I forgot the way you make me fucking feel” He says, “I wasn’t…prepared to see you” 

You hear everything he’s saying but it’s wrong. You couldn’t be a part of the life that he promised you, but you didn’t care. You don’t need to do all the things that you cannot. He’s bothered by something that you don’t even mind. All you know is that you can’t go more months without him. You can’t go a second more in your life without him. 

You’d convinced yourself that you could never tell him your feelings because it would scare him away. But right now, you need to tell him. Time away from him was cruelty. It was insanity, and it’s something you never want to subject yourself to ever again. 

You‘ve never loved anybody as much as him, and you never will.

He needs to know that. His lip is quivering, and he looks guilty, and scared. You have to tell him, before he says something he’ll regret. Maybe if you were more prepared, your confession of love would be in a beautiful place. 

Like the top of the Chateau…That night, under the stars, he told you he found comfort in you.

Hyunjin was always the more romantic one. 

So you can’t blame yourself for not thinking this through. After all, how could you have planned for everything that happened? A series of accidents, of coincidences that led you to him, over and over again. No matter how much life tried to pull you apart, you found each other.

It was fate.

“I don’t care, Hyunjin”

“What?”

You step closer to him, “I don’t care if I have to kiss you in a storage closet for the rest of my life. I would choose that any day”

His lips part. He’s surprised. But you can’t hold back your feelings anymore. That has got you nowhere.

You pull him close, “I don’t care about all that, I just…I just want you”

His eyes widen, “Why would you ever choose this?”

“That’s…up to me” You swallow. He’s staring at you. It doesn’t matter that your grand declaration of love won’t be in a place as beautiful as him. It doesn’t matter where you are right now, you need to tell him the truth.

The truth — I went insane in my life without you.

The truth — I literally cannot breathe if you’re not near me.

The truth — I love you so much that my chest hurts.

“Did he kiss you?”

His question catches you so off guard, that your eyes dart up to his, “What? Who?”

He lets go of your hand, “Yongbok”

Where the fuck did that come from?

Your eyebrows knit together, and you’re so confused. 

Yongbok doesn’t matter right now. You frown, “I don’t want to talk about him”

Hyunjin nods, “So…he kissed you” 

You’re lost for words. You thought you two were more mature than this, “So that’s what this is about that? You’re acting this way because you’re jealous?”

He squeezes his eyes shut, “Yeah. I am. I am jealous, Y/N. It kills me to know that he’s known you all your life, and I can’t even have you to myself for one entire summer”

“But nobody is stopping you from having me”

“Everything is stopping me!” He cries out.

You flinch.

His voice falls again, and you can feel his distress, “I’m afraid, okay? I’m fucking scared that they’ll find about you and—“

“And what?”

He squeezes his eyes shut, “You’re going to get hurt. You’re not stupid, Y/N, and you fucking know that better than anyone”

“How can you be so sure of that? You’re the one that’s making decisions that hurt me, I mean I couldn’t even tell you I got into the stupid program because you cut me out from your life, all because you’re afraid of something that hasn’t even happened? Why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong? What are you so afraid of?!”

He falls quiet, and he isn’t looking at you anymore. He stepped back, inhaling deeply, as if to anchor himself. His eyes meet yours, “You…shouldn’t have come here, Y/N”

Your voice breaks, “Why?”

“It would have made everything a hell of a lot easier”

“What would it make easier?”

He swallowed, “Having to stay apart from you”

He says things like that so easily, and his words bury deep into your skin.

Your voice broke, but you’re not done fighting for him, “I thought you missed me. I’m not afraid to admit that I did, okay? I missed you every second I was away from you—”

“I called you in here to say goodbye”

Your voice is merely a whisper, “What?”

His lip is quivering, “I wanted to see you…because this is the last time”

“You don’t mean that…”

There’s a tightness in your chest. You can’t breathe. 

He swallows, “You and I both knew that what we had in Daejon…it couldn’t be anything else”

“Please don’t say that”

He looks to the floor, away from you, “I’m sorry”

You don't understand. Things were just okay, “Are you being like this… because of Chan’s break up?”

His tone changes harshly, “That has nothing to do with you”

You swallow, staring at him. Your eyes fill up with tears. You thought this stupid storage closet would be where you finally tell him you love him. 

He doesn’t pull you in to comfort you, like he’s always done. He just looks at you, glistening eyes and his lip is quivering.

This can’t be it. There’s more to you and him, and this isn’t fucking it. Then his phone buzzes. Hyunjin ignores it at first.

Until it gets constant, and he sighs, “I’m sorry. I need to take this. You have to go, Y/N”

His words shake you to the core, and you can’t speak.

“Can you just please make sure nobody sees you when you leave?” He asks, strained, “I know you hate me right now…but please”

You nod. You have nothing to say. Even in this moment, you love him more than you ever have. 

You’re so stupid. You thought nothing in the world could make you let go of him but just like always, Hyunjin is one step ahead.

He’s already let go of you.

»»————-

masterlist ⇒

please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you :)

[thatgiraffefromtlou]

The Aurora Project

(part 2)

(tumblr won’t let me tag part one for some odd reason but it’s in my pinned post! make sure you read that first 🫶🏻)

summary: as a result of a malfunction, you and ellie awaken from cryosleep aboard a spaceship with no memory. will you find evidence that you're more than just shipmates? something to give reason to your nagging familiarity to the stranger you wake up next to?

warnings: eventual explicit language, potential for smut in later chapters (depending), uh cringy teasing idk- Imk if there's more this is also pretty tame-

A/N: so erm this definitely isn’t the best work of mine i won’t lie to you guy. it’s only slightly proof read 🧍🏼 like i said the results of this election has my mind kind elsewhere, but writing is still very therapeutic for me and i really wanted to get something put out for you guys! plus im excited to post this and continue this story and i don’t want that to be taken from me. anyways enough about that i hope you guys enjoy!!

work count: 2.6K (ik sorry they will eventually be longer)

– Chapter two -

"Maybe your eye would work?" you break the silence, your voice echoing softly in the open space. You and Ellie sit on either side of the exit, your backs pressed against the cool, metallic walls. It took you two what felt like forever, but you finally found a door. The hope that cascaded through your bodies upon first seeing the door was palpable, a surge of excitement that quickly dissipated the moment you realized it was locked. The lock mechanism, a complex array of technological marvels you’ve never encountered, had multiple parts, but only needed one of the three ways to get through: an eye scanner, a password, or a thumbprint.

The eye scanner looked like a floating camera, or at least that's the best way you could describe it. It hovered eerily, set maybe a foot above a see-through keyboard that seemed to defy gravity. Glowing boxes surrounded glowing letters, numbers, and symbols, creating an otherworldly interface. It was strange, almost disconcerting, the way those two things seemed to float beside the door, as if held in place by some invisible force. In stark contrast, the fingerprint scan was firmly affixed to the actual door itself, a more tangible and familiar security measure. Either way, two of these things you thought Ellie might be able to manipulate, given her potential credentials.

"Huh?" Ellie turns her head to you, her brows furrowed in confusion and her upper lip slightly risen on one side, creating an expression of both intrigue and skepticism. "It's a shot in the dark but..." you begin, your mind racing to connect the dots, "Our name plates—only you had 'Dr.' in front of your name." You shrug your shoulders and lick your lips, your theory on the tip of your tongue. Turning your body to face more in her direction, your legs tucking slightly under your thighs in an attempt to get comfortable on the hard floor, you continue, "Maybe you have some form of authority here? I mean, hell, maybe you're even an astronaut? It's not too far-fetched considering our surroundings."

She looked at you with an expression that was a perfect blend of disbelief and flattery, as if you had just said the most absurd yet complimentary thing imaginable. Her eyes widened slightly, eyebrows raised, creating a very confused expression that spoke volumes. "Or," she countered, her voice tinged with a hint of skepticism, "I'm just a doctor who practices medicine and they need doctors in this place we're headed towards? It seems more likely, doesn't it?" Your shoulders literally slump at that, the weight of disappointment settling on you. "Yeah, you're probably right…" you concede, your voice trailing off.

You sit with your back against the wall again, the cool surface a stark reminder of your predicament. Your mind starts racing, deciding to go back to the drawing board. Maybe there's another door on the other side? Air vents? As these thoughts swirl in your head, Ellie suddenly stands up, her movement catching you off guard. She leans over slightly, putting her eye at level with the scanner, a look of determination etched on her face. You look up at her curiously, and suddenly there's a beep—a sharp, electronic sound that cuts through the silence—and the doors slide open with a smooth, hydraulic hiss.

You get on your feet immediately, adrenaline surging through your body, and she turns back to you, her face a mask of genuine shock mirroring your own. "No way..." you say in awe, your voice barely above a whisper as you look through the now open door. The view beyond is bleak, not really what you were hoping for. Just another long walkway stretches before you, more walkways branching off like a labyrinth of sterile corridors. "Guess I am an astronaut..." Ellie says quietly, a smile playing on her lips, tinged with a mixture of pride and bewilderment.

You look back to her, her smile a welcome contrast to the boring white hallway that seems to stretch endlessly before you. You can't help but smile back, a sense of camaraderie growing between you. "Of course you are," you say, your voice filled with a newfound confidence, "I'm never wrong." Ellie huffs air out of her nose in a small laugh, her smile widening as she shakes her head, a gesture that seems both exasperated and fond. She takes a deep breath, straightening her back again, and steps into the hallway with cautious steps. You follow close behind, your footsteps echoing in the empty corridor. The doors close with a whooshing sound behind you both, sealing off the room you just left.

"Why'd you give it a try?" you ask, curiosity getting the better of you as you fall into step beside her. Ellie shrugs, her eyes scanning the corridor ahead. "Better than sitting there with no solution," she replies, her tone matter-of-fact. She glances at you, a hint of amusement in her eyes, "and something told me you're never wrong or whatever." You smile as the warm sense of familiarity fills you again, this time less scary but just as confusing as before. It's a feeling you can't quite place, like a half-remembered dream or a song you can't quite recall. "Fair enough," you joke a little, your voice light.

Silence settles over the two of you for a moment before you speak again, "So, Dr. Ellie," you say, emphasizing her title with a playful tone, a little pep in your step, your body angled more towards her than forward. "What's our next move? Any pearls of astronaut wisdom to share with us mere mortals?" The question is wrapped in a layer of jest, but underneath, it's clear you're both grappling with the same pressing concern: what on earth—or rather, what in space—are you supposed to do now?

Ellie responds with a soft chuckle, her eyes never ceasing their scan of the corridors stretching out before you. "Well," she begins, her voice tinged with a hint of self-deprecation, "If I had to guess, I think our best bet would be to find some kind of control room or like a central hub. I mean.. there's bound to be a nerve center somewhere." As she speaks, her hands move in small, unconscious gestures, as if trying to shape her thoughts in the air.

She gives a little shrug, the movement almost diminishing the weight of her ideas. It's a strange contradiction—the self-assurance in her logic juxtaposed against a hint of awkwardness in her delivery. The dichotomy is intriguing; she clearly knows she's smart, but there's a flutter of something—maybe modesty, maybe uncertainty—when that intelligence is on display.

You nod, genuinely impressed by her logical approach despite her hesitation. "Makes sense," you agree, your voice trailing off a little as you mull over her suggestion. After a moment you ask, "Any ideas on how we might go about finding this hypothetical control room?"

Ellie's eyebrows lift a fraction, and when she speaks again, her words seem to require a touch more effort than before, as if she's carefully weighing each one. "Well, we could start by looking for signs, I suppose?" Her gaze flicks to you briefly before returning to the path ahead, a mix of consideration and caution in her eyes. "Or, failing that, we could follow the main corridor?" She gestures ahead with a sweep of her hand. "In my experience-“ she cuts herself off in a fluster. “Or what I think might be my experience, given our current memory situation—important areas are usually centrally located and well-marked."

You hum thoughtfully and nod, acknowledging the soundness of her strategy. "So, essentially, we keep walking straight until we stumble upon another door or some kind of signage?" A note of playful sarcasm creeps into your voice as you add, "Sounds absolutely thrilling..."

Ellie responds with an eye roll, but there's a hint of a smile playing at the corners of her mouth, softening the gesture. "Well, unless you've got a better idea tucked away in that sarcasm-filled brain of yours, Captain Quip, I think that's our best bet for now." She pauses for a beat, then adds with a touch of dry humor coloring her words, "Who knows? Maybe if we're really lucky, we'll stumble upon a space casino or an alien petting zoo along the way."

"A petting zoo?" you echo, latching onto the absurd image with enthusiasm. "Maybe they've got some kind of high-tech Noah's Ark situation going on up here." The mental picture draws a laugh from both of you, the sound a welcome break in the tension. As your chuckles subside, you're struck by a sudden realization. "You know what? I could really go for a drink right now. God, I'm thirsty. Are you thirsty too?" The question hangs in the air for a moment before you notice something's off. You turn, expecting to see Ellie beside you, but she's nowhere in sight. Confusion floods your system. Wasn't she just—

You’re quickly interrupted by the sound of your name being called. It's Ellie's voice, but it's coming from at least 20 feet behind you. You spin around, your eyes searching, and finally spot her. She's standing in front of a doorway, her arm extended, finger pointing at something beyond. "Look," she calls again, her voice a mix of excitement and wariness.

You quickly jog back to where Ellie is standing. As you draw closer, you see what has captured her attention: before you a mini hall, maybe 3 feet long ending with a small door.

Your gaze follows Ellie's pointing finger to the side of the door, where a placard identical to those at the foot of your pods catches your attention. The name 'Dr. Williams' is etched onto its surface, below her name is a simple +1, causing a small jolt of recognition to course through you. "Oh..." you breathe, the single syllable barely audible as it escapes your lips. Your eyes dart between Ellie and the plain white door, a feeling of apprehension swirling in your gut.

"Well, let's open it," you suggest, your voice a blend of impatience and nervousness. Ellie responds with a nod, her face showing her own set of conflicting emotions. She reaches out, her hand settling on the doorknob - a long, flat apparatus that stands out against the sterile white of the door. Your eyes are drawn to a peculiar smooth shiny black rectangle spot near where the handle attaches to the door, its purpose unclear but somehow significant.

Ellie's fingers wrap around the handle, and she attempts to turn it. The door remains closed, the handle refusing to even budge an inch. A look of frustration flashes across her face as she tries again, her knuckles almost whitening with the force of her grip. Still, the door doesn't budge.

You watch intently as Ellie's brow furrows in concentration, her fingers now tracing the outline of the mysterious black spot. Suddenly, Ellie's eyes widen with realization, and she presses her thumb firmly against the black square. The silence that follows seems to stretch for an eternity, both of you holding your breath in anticipation. Then, a soft beep fills the air, shattering the tension.

Ellie turns the handle again and the door responds with a soft click as she pushes the door open. You and Ellie exchange a quick glance, a wordless communication passing between you. Taking a deep, steadying breath, you both step forward in unison. The room is small, almost like a one room apartment. The white sterile walls not following you into this space. You both set forward, Ellie in the lead as you both wordlessly scan the room. The walls may be white, but the room itself is vibrant with personality and life.

Every available surface is adorned with an array of memorabilia - framed photographs capturing moments frozen in time, colorful posters that speak of diverse interests, and shelves lined with an assortment of knick-knacks, each telling its own story. These decorations form a protective cocoon around the full-sized bed nestled at the far end of the room, creating a cozy sanctuary within the larger space. The front area of the room seamlessly blends the functionality of a kitchen with the comfort of a living room, defying the sterile environment beyond its walls.

As you step further into the room, your senses are overwhelmed by a collection of different scents, each fighting for dominance in the recycled air of the ship. The rich, invigorating aroma of freshly brewed coffee mingles with the smoky, complex notes of aged whiskey. A faint, earthy scent of stale marijuana lingers in the background. Underpinning it all is a warm, masculine fragrance - reminiscent of a what you’d smell when you hug a Southern dad, all sun-warmed cotton and subtle cologne.

Despite the main overhead light being off, the room is bathed in a gentle, welcoming glow. A strategically placed array of lamps and twinkling string lights cast a soft, amber radiance throughout the space. This warm illumination not only brightens the room but also seems to ignite a spark of recognition deep within you. As your eyes adjust and roam over the personal touches scattered throughout, you can't shake the feeling that this space is somehow intimately familiar, as if you've spent countless hours within these very walls, or at least around these things.

Ellie quietly calls your name, her voice tinged with a mixture of excitement and uncertainty. You slowly turn around to see her sitting on what you presume to be her bed, a framed photograph clutched in her hands. You make your way over to her, each step feeling both familiar and foreign on the ship's floor. As you settle beside her on the bed, the mattress dipping slightly under your combined weight, she carefully turns the photo to face you both.

The image captured within the frame immediately draws your attention. It's a snapshot of what appears to be a Halloween party, the background a blur of festive decorations and revelers. But it's the subjects of the photo that truly catch your eye - you and Ellie, looking carefree and happy, your costumes as whimsical as they are clever.

You find yourself staring at your own image, barely recognizing the person looking back at you. You're dressed in an elaborate moth costume, complete with intricately designed wings and antennae. Your costume-clad self is caught mid-motion, planting an exaggerated kiss on Ellie's cheek. Ellie, for her part, is sporting what can only be described as a lampshade on her head, her face alight with laughter and warmth.

The juxtaposition of the costumes isn't lost on you - a moth drawn to a lamp, a visual pun that speaks of inside jokes and shared humor. It's a moment of connection, of joy, frozen in time and preserved behind glass.

"Oh..." you breathe, the word barely more than an exhale. The photo feels like a key, unlocking a flood of emotions you can't quite place. Familiarity wars with the unsettling feeling of looking at strangers wearing your faces.

"Oh..." Ellie echoes, her voice a mirror of your own confusion and wonder. Her eyes flick between the photo and your face, searching for something - recognition, perhaps, or confirmation that you're feeling the same tumult of emotions that she is.

The silence stretches between you, filled with unspoken questions and the weight of implications neither of you are quite ready to voice.

A/N: hehehe lmk if you wanna be added to the tag listttttt

tag list: @autisticintr0vert (if you’re not tagged and asked to be, please check to make sure you’re ability to be tagged is on because your username did not show up!)

[tonydaddingham]

Hi! I saw your tags on a post talking about car trouble as one of the great good omens fics and I've put it on my tbr! I wasn't really active in the fandom after season 1 so I feel like I missed out on all the great fics. I know about Demonology and Slow Show and I know about others from Aziraphale'sLibrary from their classics tag. But I was wondering what your list would be, your list of what the best and greatest good omens fics are. I'm young, so I have time to read lol

GASPS I HAVE RECS COMING OUT MY EARS @queenofthearchipelago, BUCKLE UP KID💕

this will be a mixture of genres and a lot of them are well known so may well already be on the AL classic lists (but, well, theyre classics for a reason imo) but im just gonna dump them here; these are literally just off the top of my head so won't be very coherent/in order - i'll give the links and ratings, but will leave you to peruse the synopses directly (most will be human AUs, they're my particular favourites), just to save making what will be a huge post even longer!!!

Car Trouble (E)

Petrichor and Parchment (E)

Memory of Eden (M) (and its sequels - imo The heartbreak series of all time. i sob like a baby) (it's written pre-s1 release, so book!omens, but i find it relatively easy to re-imagine if tv!omens is how you imagine them too etc) (no seriously if i ever get any fic professionally bound into a physical book, it's this series)

For Want of a Seed (T) (and also a huge shout out to Right of It also by cassieoh but it's unfinished - ive had it open as a tab in my phone for like a year? in the fervent hope it'll be updated, which fair enough if it isn't!!! but it's beauuuutiful)

Stranger in Paradise (E)

Infernal Bodyguard (M)

Wicked Thing series (E) (and anything by phoenix_soar, frankly. just... damn🫠)

i then also want to shout out a couple of fics from some amazing people on tumblr here (listed in no particular order!) which you may have already seen? but definitely worth mentioning because they're similarly insaneeee:

Shoot to Thrill and Learning on the Job (both E) and tbh anything by @teddybearbutchh, otherworldly affinity for not only writing in general, she's so talented, but her smut is 🫠

How Do We Turn On The Light? (M) by @moonyinpisces is soooo good as a post-s2 fic, she's really captured how i personally imagine aziraphale and crowley to act after the feral domestic, i love her characterisation!

The Loophole (E) by @fellshish is a different take post-s2 but incredibly funny and the apology dance is. life changing

Chemistry (E) by @twilightcitysky, i simply revisit their works time and time again, but this one is a particular favourite!!!

and im sure there are some lovelies that might read this and want to add their recommendations too, or self promote???💕✨ but these are my faves, like i said, right off the top of my head!!!

[astarionancuntnin]

Die For You (Epilogue)

summary: a year after their confrontation with the corrupted lords, a fleeting thought crosses astarion's mind as he watches you admiring the crack of dawn.

rating: E

word count: 4.5k

pairing: astarion x you (fem!reader)

cw: 18+. time skip, fluff (in my angsty fanfic? its more likely than you think!), emotional smut. full list on ao3

a/n: gods, what a ride! this was my very first long fic, and im very happy with how it turned out, considering i had NO idea how this would end up when i first started it! this ending was one of three, based on the poll yall have taken on the second chapter. i hope it lives up to your expectations and im looking forward to all the feedback! this is not my only work, if you wanna be tagged on my other works, feel free to let me know and ill add you to the tag list. thank you all for sticking along! <3

Masterlist

previous chapter

read on ao3

or keep reading down below~

You're part of the dawn where the light comes from the dark

You're a part of the morning and everything matters

And we are, an atom and a star

You're a part of the movement and everything matters

-

It has been a year since your transformation. A year since you officially died and came back as Astarion’s dark consort; his bride, his eternal love. Since the incident with the corrupted nobles, you’ve only grown stronger, as much as a vampire – and he couldn’t be more proud of you – than as a couple.

Your return among his court was gradual. You were reluctant at first: the lingering fear from the dreadful soiree you experienced still affected you, so Astarion let you watch from the shadows; he would never force you to do something you didn't want to. It's only after two more months that you asked if you could attend, and only if you could stay by his side; your social anxiety wouldn't let you be alone in a room with so many strangers without feeling as if you were asphyxiated. He was beyond thrilled by your request, as he wanted nothing more than to introduce the whole world to his beloved.

It took some more time, but you found yourself joining in on discussions with lords about the state of the city and its economic state. Your teachings were buried deep in your memory, but you retained the most important parts of them, using those to show your knowledge and bring forward ideas to save the city from its downfall following the mindflayer attack. To your surprise, you found yourself right at your place within the high society; it was in your blood after all, and what was the point of running from it when you were clearly a natural? You found out that it was never your title that you dreaded, but rather the association to your parents and contributing to their schemes — something you were glad to not be a part of anymore.

The change was almost seamless: one day you were attached to Astarion's arm, never leaving his side, and the next, you were strolling through the crowd, knowing everyone's name, their occupation, and how influential they were. While Astarion was able to persuade more nobles to ally with him, you’ve been very successful at swaying people to your advantage, using your charms and wits to redirect power from the right people for the good of the city; together, you’re considered the strongest couple in Baldur’s Gate.

You proved yourself countless times, and he was always delighted to present you as his partner.

His equal.

After yet another successful night of dancing and socialising, one where you had convinced a neighbouring lord to fund an orphanage for the children who had lost their parents in the attack, you met up with your lover in your chambers to celebrate the news. In truth, everything you accomplished was a great reason to celebrate.

To see you act with the might of a Lady, smart and witty, and use every tool you had to your advantage made him swoon over you, and one of the best ways to express it was to worship you in bed, spending hours and hours devoting himself to you.

It’s something you thought you would struggle with — the intimacy after the violence you had endured — but you found yourself easily melting in his embrace once you were back at the palace. Just like that first night you spent together and he had let you guide that dance; upon your return, he let you take control until you were the one asking for him to take you however and wherever he wanted, how you grew to crave his touch, the look in his eyes when a sinful thought was shared across your connection, and the faint blush you could spy on cheeks and ears as he painted his vision of you via your bond. The endless teasing throughout the evening sure made the meetings more interesting, and less dreadful, if you had to admit it.

After a great season of events, Astarion cancelled all his meetings for the next tenday to devote his attention to you, and you only. No one was to disturb either of you unless they had a death wish.

And the night of that last meeting, any restraints had broken down, when you almost threw yourself at each other as soon as your last visitor had left the palace. It started out in the hallways, but you were quickly brought into his room to have the privacy you required. You spent the remainder of the night in bed, switching from making love to cuddling, until you were back to straddle him for more; unable to leave the other’s side or even spend a second without your bodies touching.

He kissed each and every part of your body, showing his devotion to you in such a delicate manner that turned you to putty in his hands, embracing away any pain your body had gone through. This past year, he had been the most attentive lover; always in the moment with you, making sure that your eyes met as his hips collided with yours, sharing the same breath that united you both, body and soul. As your bodies fused and you both came undone, you could sense the love, the utter adoration he had for you. Both of you grounded the other and reminded each other that you were not the result of your past; only you chose what to make of it.

There was no one else in the world who could understand you better than each other.

It’s only when you noticed dawn approaching as you nuzzled into his chest, that you realised how long you had been indulging in the other. You chuckled and commented on how you both could use some sleep, since if one of you was tired, the other would be too, and really, how impractical it would be to have you both incapacitated at once.

He took a look at you as he lazily caressed your hair and that’s when he was reminded of the one thing that had been on his mind these last few months. The one thing he dreaded, but couldn’t avoid anymore.

“There is a way, you know…” he said, his voice soft. “To sever the bond. Between creator and consort.” He pauses as you lift your head, frowning as you meet his gaze, and for a second he doubts if he should carry on, but quickly pushes the doubts aside; you deserved to know. To have a chance to decide for yourself, without any ultimatum.

“It is mostly painless,” he continued, “You would remain as you are, a full fledged vampire, but we wouldn’t share our connection anymore; no more mental discussion, no more shared sensations.” You looked at him with a thousand questions in your eyes, as this was the last thing you expected this morning. “I am willing to go through the procedure for you, should you desire it.”

You remained silent through your blinking, until you finally found the words that fought to get out. “You would… really do that?”

This proposition felt so unlike the Astarion who once had you chained up in his dungeons, something that he had agreed had been, and you quote, ‘impolite’, since you last spoke about it. He didn’t regret it — you wouldn’t be in his arms otherwise — but he supposed there could’ve been a better way to talk to you at the reunion.

“As much as I want to keep you all to myself, I can’t bring myself to keep you bound to me after what you’ve been through. It… wouldn’t be fair for me to make that decision for you. I want you to have the chance to make the choice yourself.”

You scanned his expression, and although you saw the sincerity, you also sensed grief. Breaking your bond would sever any type of connection between you both. A part of you would die along with it, and you would lose the possibility of lingering in each other's mind. Even though you understood his intentions, it didn’t make sense for him to propose this when he finally had you to himself. Against your best judgement, you peeked into his mind, searching for an explanation, and what you found completely shattered you.

By offering this to you, Astarion understood that there was a chance you might just… leave. With nothing holding you back, linking you to him, he thought you had no reason to stay. That the sole reason keeping you here was this bond, and even with how close you had become, how much you had grown together in your relationship, how utterly in love you were — in that moment, under all the false confidence, you saw right through him; he was convinced that once the bond was broken, you would leave. Run away from this mess that had been life at his side, and find someone who truly deserved you, saw you for your worth. That you could only degrade yourself if you stayed after what he had put you through. He didn’t believe for a second that you would continue to put up with this life if you had the choice, and yet, here he was proposing it to you, offering you this way out.

You gave him a soft smile, a reassuring one that you hoped carried the intention you had.

“I… would like that.” He nodded, understanding that this was a possibility, and he hoped you would take this opportunity, if only for your own sake, but it didn't hurt any less. “But I do have a condition.”

He smiled sadly, his features softening at hearing you bargaining, a bittersweet reminder of how all of this started. “Anything for you, my dear.”

It’s the warmth of the sun’s embrace that stirs Astarion awake this morning. Gods, he will never tire of it. If only for this reason, his ascension was well worth it, and no one will ever convince him otherwise.

You let your minds connect, telling him your request through your bond, and when you saw the light sparkle in his ruby eyes and his face light up, you knew there was nothing in the world he would like more.

-

That, and seeing his reflection again. He's lost count of the times he spent admiring himself; pausing at every mirror he had meticulously installed around the palace, stealing glances at his reflection, and lingering at the colour of his deep ruby eyes. Those same eyes that had sealed the fate of so many unfortunate souls; these deadly, beautiful weapons, that keep helping him charm the right people. How he went two hundred years without enjoying the sight of himself has him completely astounded. Needless to say, this was an issue no more, and long gone were the days of misery; Nearly two years later, he had everything he ever wanted, at long last.

Everything, and yet his most prized possession remained this little human fighter turned bride.

Really, the only person he ever truly wanted, that he ever loved, even. A feeling that had felt most foreign once upon a time. He never thought he could experience such a strong emotion, something that was forbidden to him just over three years ago — something he would’ve considered a weakness — turned into his greatest strength. A feeling that overwhelmed him to the point where he couldn’t restrain himself from physically expressing it; taking his dark consort in every room, every surface of the palace, until they were both panting, eyes half-lidded and lost in one another. That same feeling that would now have him chanting out her name all night long as he devoted himself to her; her body, her pleasure, her desire for him. How utterly blessed he was to have her just as enamoured for him as he was for her.

As he finally awakens from his reverie, he quickly picks up on the empty spot next to him. Curious, he thinks, she was never the early bird. When he lifts himself on his elbows, that's when he sees her on his balcony, and he takes the time to admire her; his consort, his love, still by his side through it all, blessed by the rising sun’s warmth. It took over a year more after their engagement, as Astarion couldn’t believe her decision to stay, but he finally got over the fear of losing her. After everything that had happened, and the opportunity she was given, she chose to stay and have a life with him. After everything, she still loved him just as deeply, and that day at the altar, she promised to spend the rest of her undead life showing him just how much she did love him.

Content with the sight of her, he finally gets up to join her on the balcony, without bothering to dress up. He sneaks up on her, snuggling her from behind, his hands wrapping around her waist, while he leaves playful kisses along her neck and shoulder to greet her.

“Mmmh, hello my treasure,” he murmurs in the crook of her neck. “Can’t sleep?”

“I was just admiring the sun,” she hums. “It’s funny, I never really bothered to appreciate it until I thought I could never be under its light,” she takes a deep breath as she closes her eyes, taking in the warmth she was basking in. “I never quite realised how beautiful this world is.”

She sighs in his embrace, but it's almost a moan, as she pushes back against him for more contact, “I didn’t think I would disturb you from your precious beauty sleep.”

He can hear her smile through her mumbling, and he smiles in return, “It’s your sleep I’m rather worried about dear.” His kisses linger on her neck, over the bite marks he birthed upon her skin an eternity ago. “And I think you should join me back in bed to remedy it.”

She laughs, “I’m not sure your idea of rest coincides with mine,” she turns around to face him and rests her hands on his bare chest. “Actually, I rather believe you will wear me out more than anything.”

He smirks as he presses her against the edge of the balcony, lifting her nightgown up before propping her up to rest atop it, guiding her legs to wrap around him. “Do you really think so little of me? That I would drag you to bed only to satisfy my carnal desires?”

“Well,” she rolls her eyes as she smiles, “you haven’t given me a reason that proves you would do otherwise.”

She wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her, and in the same movement, he wraps his arms around her waist and leans into the nape of her neck, resuming his sweet attention. When his smile widens, he feels the creases in his cheeks, depicting the countless moments of happiness she brought him since she has blessed him with her company.

“I assure you, my love, my intentions were most pure,” he purrs.

She tilts her head aside, offering him more liberties with her neck. “Were they now? Well, if you say so, then I’m sure I can trust you to carry me to bed where I shall resume my rest.”

“Ah, but I’m afraid the offer has expired. You see,” his finger hooks the string of her nightgown, pulling it down, “now, all I can offer,” he pulls down the other one, revealing your breasts to the morning breeze, “is a morning spent fulfilling our matrimonial duties.” “Matrimonial duties?” She exclaims ironically. “What unholy thoughts have you got in mind, I wonder.”

“I could show you, if you would indulge me,” his kisses over her skin become sloppy, his teeth softly grazing her skin while his tongue leaves a faint trail of saliva from her shoulder up to her ear, playfully nibbling it, while one hand reaches for her breast and the other finds its way in the heat between her legs.

“Ah– Astarion…” Her playful tone is replaced by soft moans as he takes a salacious pleasure in touching her in her most sensitive spots.

“What’s that, dear?” His fingers slide against her folds, not yet daring to dip further.

She groans, “You are incorrigible.”

“And yet, I don’t hear you asking me to stop,” he pinches her nipple between his fingers with the hand massaging her generous chest, while his other hand brushes over her clit, lingering near her entrance but intentionally avoiding it. As he hears her ragged breath, he pulls away, cutting any contact between the two of them, and languidly sucks on his fingers to taste her wetness, while his gaze focuses on her, before releasing his fingers with a pop. He tilts his head, with a playful look in his eyes, “Unless that’s what you want?”

She looks at him with lust clouding her vision, barely containing herself, “If you intend on teasing me, my lord, I hope you know what you’ve got coming for you.”

He leans back, assessing the vision of his consort completely lost in her need for him, with a salacious smile tugging at his lips, “My, my, is my little love threatening me?”

“Oh no,” her hands sneak into his hair to grab a handful of it before lightly pulling back and leaning into his ear, murmuring, “This is a promise.”

She lets go of his hair, leaving her hands wandering, and when their eyes meet again, they are darkened by their shared passion for each other. His voice comes out deeper, as he closes the distance between them, their lips now but a whisper apart.

“Then I believe I should make haste to tend to your needs, my lady.”

Their lips finally meet into a passionate kiss, the tenderness of it even surprising Astarion — considering the eager tone she had previously used — but he melts into it, pouring all of his longing into the kiss, just as she does when her hands pull back to hold his face closer. He picks her up from the edge of the balcony and carries her back into their room, where he lays her out on their bed and removes her nightgown, slowly unravelling her soft skin to the morning afterglow. The sight of her, bare before him — only for him; with her legs parted and inviting him in, her body bearing only the bite marks he had given her — is enough to break any restraints left in him. He couldn’t bear to tease her longer, he needed her as much as she needed him.

Licking his lips, he kneels at the end of the bed, crawling his way up to his wife. He lifts her leg over his shoulder, leaving a trail of kisses up to the apex of her thighs, until he reaches the centre of his desire. He breathes her in, the scent of her pleasure stirring something deep within him, before his tongue finds its way between her slick folds, where he finally licks her, from the bottom of her entrance right up to her clit.

She moans softly, already lost to the magic of his tongue, and that's when he lifts her thighs over his shoulders, locking her legs around him, and holding them in place to feast on his meal.

His tongue dives into her, reaching into the depth of her cunt and drinking in her nectar, the effects of it visibly affecting him, as his hardened cock throbs between his belly and the soft sheets of the bed. His hips move unconsciously, searching for a temporary relief as he moves his tongue out of her to lick his way back up, where he finds her swollen bud.

While his hand sneaks away from her thighs, into her dripping entrance, his eyes flick up to find her unravelling before him; her head thrown back, and her hands grabbing at the sheets, holding on for dear life.

“Gods, please…” she begs, her breathing failing her, and he smiles between her legs, as he pumps two fingers into her.

With a final flick of his tongue over her clit, he lifts his head up, still hitting that sweet spot inside of her, “Yes, little love?”

“I… I need you— gods, I need you.”

“You have me, my love,” he says, his voice soft like velvet. “All of me, however you wish.”

He knew what she meant, but he wanted to hear her say it. He would never tire of having her melt under his touch, coming apart under him.

“Inside me,” she whimpers as she clenches around his fingers working wonders inside of her. “Now.”

The urgency of her tone was clearly noticeable, but Astarion wants to push her further, “But I am inside you, my dear.”

She lifts herself up on her elbows, her hair completely dishevelled and her chest rising with each deep breath, staring down her husband with a mix of fury and lust. “If you don’t fuck me right this instant— Ahhh ffffuck!”

While she was talking, Astarion went back to teasing her sensitive bud and accelerating the pace of his fingers thrusting in. “Oh, I’ll fuck you alright. By the time I'm done with your delicious cunt, you’ll only see stars, my sweet.”

He could easily make her go over the edge only with his mouth and his fingers; he had done it countless times in the past already, he was well aware of his abilities, but nothing compared to the feeling of her tightening around his cock and milking him dry while he pumped every drop of his seed into her. It was his favourite way to come with her, and he took great pleasure in making her shatter in every way imaginable. They had all the time in the world to discover the many ways she would cum under his touch.

“Mmh ahh— Pleasepleaseplease Astarion, I want to feel you inside of me, I’m begging you—” Her words get lost in her throat, instead replaced by cries as she nears her climax, until—

“Ah,” Astarion pulls away completely, “but how could I deny my lovely wife when she begs so beautifully.”

Her groans turn into small cries as his teasing starts to overwhelm her, and that’s when he drops her legs down on their bed and crawls over her, aligning himself with her swollen pussy, before linking their hands together to pin her down. He leans down and stops right before kissing her, simply to push her to the limits of her patience, and when she hisses at him for being just out of reach, he shoves his cock inside of her, stilling her.

He remains unmoving, always taking his time with his first thrust to take in the feelings of her tight walls, pulsing around him. Astarion rests his forehead on hers, their eyes lost in the other, carrying the words they had learned to communicate aloud after they had broken their bond.

Carrying on with this ritual had pushed them to communicate better and work on their relationship, creating a new type of bond with the other. They had learned to understand the other’s body language so well that sometimes, a simple look was enough to communicate their exact thoughts from across the room.

His fingers dig into the mattress as he tightens his hold on her, and he resumes his languid strokes, “Focus darling. I want to see every little expression you make while I fuck you. Can you do that for me?”

She tries to nod, but his depraved speech only pushes her further and faster to her climax, as she fights to keep her eyes open and focused on him.

When he feels her cunt’s grip thighten around him, he can barely contain himself anymore, “Fuck, just like that, love,” his groans and the wet sound of their hips slapping against each other gets only louder as he accelerates the pace, nearing his own climax, “Gods, you’re so tight around me— I’m gonna fill you up to the brim, and you’re gonna take it all like the good girl you are.”

A few more thrusts is all it takes to send her over the edge, screaming out as her climax erupts through her like electricity flowing through her veins, followed quickly by Astarion who stills inside of her, shooting thick ropes of come that leak out from her, into their bedsheets. It was the least of his worries right now — he could always change them later, but they would be ruined in the following hour regardless.

They both remain panting, basking in the bliss of this aftermath, until he takes a look at their hands still intertwined. On her right hand, he spies the sparkling diamond ring adorning her finger, the public display of their unison matching his own, and he brings it to his lips for a brief kiss, before taking the time to admire it, thinking back to how it all started.

“I told you, Lady Ancunín suits you beautifully, my love.”

She smiles sweetly, eyes tired from their lovemaking, “I wouldn't have it any other way.”

And he knew she spoke the truth. Their marriage didn't only solidify their relationship, but it protected her from solicitors who might've been tempted to try giving her advances after the news of Virric's death had been propagated, and by taking Astarion's last name, she was free from any remaining links to her family, a name she detached herself from completely years ago already, now legally unbinded.

She didn't even need to explain the extent of her reasoning; the second she proposed, Astarion was on his way to commission matching rings for them. Truth be told, he had wanted to make the proposal himself, but after knowing of her past with Virric, he didn’t dare bring it up first. She did give him the chance to announce the news at their next soiree, and it's the only thing he had spoken about that evening.

They would be Aeterna Amantes. Lovers forever, until the world burns down.

Gods know that he would burn the world down himself if she merely asked — not that she would ever, he knew her better than that — and she was the only one he would ever get on his knees for.

She was the goddess who finally answered his prayers that had gone unanswered all these years ago; the sun that made him feel alive once more; the brightest star that guided him throughout the night; the very reason he decided to live on, and yet, if it came to it, he knew he would die for her.

-

Pars avant l'aube

Quand la lumière veut nous voir

Quelque part dans le monde

Un oiseau s'endort sans bruit

Toi et moi

Dans la nuit on trouvera

Quelque part où déposer

Les fleurs qu'on a cueillies

Thank you for reading! Comments, reblogs, and likes are very much appreciated <3

tag list (comment or message me if you want to be added!): @grimistheangerinmystares @silverfangmarks @roguishcat @nyx-knox @anacdoce @jwera @annnagennnie @angeldarkness95 @marlowethebard @hellethil @frankie-mercury @ariajc79

[mono-dot-jpeg]

a child and their 9ft pet - astral express crew

summary; the adventures of a 7 year old and their large mythical beast called ossy.

genre/extra tags; bullet fic/headcanons, anxious! reader, reader is connected to most animals (but mostly their companion), reader is from the luofu, i made reader a bit know it all sassy but it's okay it's only for a little bit, reader is a smart baby

[platonic] [7 year old! reader] [gender neutral! reader]

[buy me a kofi to support!]

a/n; this is the most steven universe shit i've seen /j /nm, that's what popped into my mind upon reading this ask. nothing wrong with it. just pointing it out KSDJKSJ also this is based off lion dog from chinese mythology which is what i assume you were describing from the shih tzu and also im rather familiar with the lion dog myself as someone who used to visit temples with my family (love those statues). anyways, hope you enjoy, you didn't really specify what type of work you wanted, so i did bullet fic/hcs

the crew met you when you were trying to avoid them

you're not really normal in the luofu, you were not really an anomaly but you weren't a normal kid either.

the general knew of you due to your larger than life pet.

well... it was more of a beast of mythic lore turned real but who's arguing about definitions here?

even if your pet was in a smaller form, they were still pretty big. about 4ft. maybe twice your height almost

but jingyuan let you have your pet as long as you weren't making trouble

anyways, back to the actual subject at hand.

the astral crew needed to find you since you were supposedly the young scholar of the luofu who seemed to know everything and loved learning about everything

you were almost a historian some would even say

but you didn't really like the idea of being a historian

you just like learning about everything

but you weren't the best around people

so when you met the crew .. .

you jumped right into your pet's fur, disappearing without a trace

"HUH?!"

"how did they disappear like that?"

"did they just jump into that animal's fur?"

march tries to reach out, but the dog barks angrily and backs up

"okay okay! sorry.. puppy?"

"they're not a puppy!" your voice erupts from the soft fur of the dog (?) your head pops up startling the express crew, "they're a lion! get it right!" you scolded them.

"but they don't look like a lion."

"and you don't look like a local, so what's it to you!?" you huffed. "you don't know everything about the luofu!"

"that's why we're here. we need to know more about the history of your home." the eldest man, welt yang, spoke gently. "general jingyuan sent us."

you sigh as you cuddle into your pet's fur, still leaving the crew to wondering how you're being contained in it. "okay. what do you want to know?" and you begrudgingly answer their questions. you eventually leave your pet's fur and they keep your feeling less anxious about the strangers who imposed on your reading time.

and that's it for now.

the crew is mildly concerned and curious about you\

they spot you around different parts of the luofu as they continue their adventure.

let's say that they even had more time to get to know you better. how you're kind of a wild card for the luofu cloud knights and how you'd rather do a plain hobby than fight.

but you're perfectly capable of doing so

well, mostly your pet.

boy were they shocked when they saw your already large ish lion change and grow into a true creature of mythology, and fought the marastruck with ease.

"no chewing! marastruck isn't good for your diet!" you had scolded after the fight was over. "put them down ossy!" despite their cowering size, they almost shrink at your words and remind the crew of a sad puppy or cat. but ossy listens to you and spits out the marastruck, letting it disintegrate into the air.

yeah.. the crew was even more curious after that.

trailblazer was the only brave enough to speak what they were all thinking. what is your pet and how did you get them?

and you told them the simple story that you gained them as a family heirloom and bonded a contract with them. you even formed other contracts with other animals but not as strong as ossy's contract.

ossy was sort of a present from your family as you came from a line of mythic beast tamers and now you're here with them

and after that, you visit the express once in a while with ossy by your side to get a break from the streets of luofu

you take up your other hobbies when you're in the express, often knitting or drawing and you make drawings and little bracelets from the crew. while your drawings and knitting works arent as amazing as your knowledge, you don't mind because it just means more to learn and improve on.

you love being with the crew now and you love ossy more than ever of course!

[theworldofotps]

Strangers But Maybe More?

Pairing: Hook x Reader Word Counter: 1,014 Description: Y/n and Tyler get the chance to keep talking. Part 2 of Stranger In The Crowd

Last part, massive thank you to my friend Kay who helped me out with the idea of this because I had no clue what exactly to do.

I hope you enjoy, if you'd like to write a fic and continue what you think would happen between Y/n and Tyler next go for it and please tag me so I can share it for others to read! I’d love to see what ideas you come up with🖤 _______ Tag list: @omg-im-such-a-masochist @melissahausen @new-zealand-chic @writtingrose @hotgirlgraps @madhatterbri @sjwrites22​ @sassymox @mrsacklesevansmgk @xladyxfatex @adamcolesbaybay @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @demonqueen29 @itsicantbelievethis666 @lilred91 @rebellious-desires @surdelcielo @letsgivethisonemoreshot @ava-valerie @shortyiceheart @serpantscorpio8497 @thatpanpal @wrestlersownmyheart @vebner37 @seeingstarks @whenimakeitshine1234 @legit9thlunaticwarrior @blaquekitty @ironshamelessyouth @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin @ripleyswhore @moonrosekk @xbreezymeadowsx @alyyaana @elevennbloom @melblacc @alliwant456 @mcreignsera @auburnwrites​ @aews-four-pillars @thatnerdwriter​

Hook Tag list: @wickedval

If you wanna be added to the list lemme know. _______ “How about another drink then on me?" 

Y/n offered, breaking the silence with a smile, trying to ease the tension that had grown between them but not too much. Tyler raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth lifting as his eyes wandered over her face.

 "I thought the drinks were supposed to be on me?"

"Not tonight, tonight is different.” 

She smiled softly at him standing to beckon a waitress over after getting his preferred drink order. Y/n felt Tyler’s eyes on her as she ordered, the weight of his gaze steady enough to cause her knees to slightly quiver. And when she sat back down, drinks in hand, she knew that whatever happened next, there was no going back. Tyler sat there his glass untouched as y/n slid back into her seat. He tried to play it cool, but his heart was hammering in his chest. She was close, so much closer than she’d ever been before. He could smell her perfume, something soft and sweet that invaded his senses. He was captivated, as he had been from the very first time he saw her.

He remembered that night very clearly, how the lights had dimmed, and she’d stepped onto the stage. Confidence was oozing from her, and it drew every gaze in the room. It wasn’t just the way she moved that had him transfixed, it was something else. A spark. Something that made it impossible for him to look away. From that moment, he’d been hooked. He couldn’t stop coming back or stop watching her.

Now she was sitting across from him, her lips curling into that teasing smile that always made his pulse quicken. She was so close, so real, that it almost felt like he was dreaming.

He stared, unable to stop himself from it although he didn’t really try. His eyes traced every inch of her face, the curve of her jaw, the way her lips parted just slightly as she sipped her drink, the glint in her eyes that told him she knew exactly the effect she was having on him. But even though she was right there, Tyler felt his throat tighten, the words stuck somewhere between his mind and mouth. Speaking wasn’t what he wanted to do. He just wanted to watch her, take in every detail of her that he possibly could.

Y/n tilted her head slightly, catching the intensity in his gaze, and it made her breath hitch. She’d felt the heat of his stare from the stage, but now, sitting this close, it was something else entirely. It wasn’t lustful like the others who watched her dance who only wanted one thing from her. This was deeper like he was trying to unravel her, piece by piece.

“You’re quiet.”

She said, her voice soft, though her heart was beating fast. 

“I’d think after all these nights you’d have something to say.”

Tyler’s lips twitched into a half-smile, but still, he stayed silent for a moment longer, his eyes locked on hers. He didn’t want to ruin the moment with words that might fall flat. Instead, he reached for his drink, taking a slow sip, though his gaze never left her face.

“I don’t come here for conversation.”

He finally said, his voice low and rough, like gravel underfoot a slight tilt to his lip. 

“I come for you.”

Y/n’s breath caught in her throat at the bluntness of his words, her teasing demeanor faltering for just a second. She hadn’t expected that. Sure, she’d felt the chemistry between them, but hearing him say it out loud made it real, made it something more than just an unspoken connection. Her heart pounded harder as she stared back at him, trying to figure out what exactly it was about Tyler that drew her in just as much.

His eyes softened slightly, though they still held that intense, burning focus. 

“I’ve been coming here for weeks, watching you.”

He spoke quietly, his fingers tightening around his glass slightly.

 “But I’m not like the others, it’s not about lust or about the show for some reason it’s about you.”

There was a vulnerability in his voice now, something raw that took y/n completely by surprise. She leaned in closer, her voice barely above a whisper. 

“So why haven’t you said anything until now?”

Tyler’s gaze flickered down to her lips before finding her eyes again.

“Maybe I was afraid I wouldn’t know what to say, or that you’d think I’m some creep and be scared away.”

Y/n smiled at that, something soft and real, not the practiced smile she gave the other customers. Her voice was a whisper he almost had to strain to hear if she hadn’t leaned in.

“You don’t have to say anything, Tyler, I feel it too.”

Her words hung in the air between them, the electricity in the room buzzing even louder. Tyler exhaled, the tension in his shoulders easing just slightly as he stared at her, knowing that this moment was more than anything he could’ve imagined. He reached out, his fingers brushing hers on the table, tentative at first, testing the waters.

The contact sent a shockwave through him, and he knew that no matter what happened next, there was no turning back. Y/n wasn’t just another dancer, and this wasn’t just another night at the club. Something had shifted, and Tyler knew that he wasn’t just drawn to her because of her beauty or her dancing. It was her, the woman behind the performance, the one he had been trying to understand from afar.

Y/n looked down at their touching hands, her pulse racing as she realized just how deep this connection went. When she looked back up into Tyler’s eyes, she saw something there that made her heart flutter, something she hadn’t seen in a long time. She wasn’t just the girl he watched under the stage lights. To him, she was slowly becoming everything. Only time would tell where things would go from here and she was excited to see what the future held.

[godbirdart]

in what universe is someone going to see a DNI that applies to them and think "this person is definitely someone im going to enjoy following and get along with". do you go on twitter and see nazis saying they hate trans people and decide to follow them out of spite? of course not, and literally nobody else does that either, even on the other side. hell forget DNIs, I get less conservatives in my notifs than I used to just by having they/them pronouns in my bio because they see it and go "ew, I'm not following them". people dont typically follow people theyre clearly not going to feel welcome around, a DNI is just another way to communicate that.

1 - you don't have to Get Along with someone to follow them. people can and will hate-follow or follow to annoy you, block evade, etc out of spite. some people will interact with you just because you told them, or people like them, not to.

2 - your experiences are not universal. nazis, terfs, bigots in general, they can and will follow and harass people they don't like online. this is spoken from my own experience as someone who has seen his transfem friends be followed and harassed by alt-right nut jobs online.

3 - "forget DNIs, I get less conservatives in my notifs than I used to just by having they/them pronouns in my bio" ← you're right. this is effective because the vast majority of people regardless of political stance or belief will only ever read your bio. not many people are going to jump through hyperlinks to read your DNI. if they don't like what they read in your bio, they'll just leave [or possibly harass you, if they're particularly malicious]. ergo, making a DNI is largely just for yourself and not at all a real, useful barrier people must pass through in order to follow / engage with your posts.

no one is stopping you from making a DNI. you can write a terms-of-service length novel of a Do Not Interact list, put it on its own Carrd and make it aesthetic and pretty with flair. you're completely free to do so and tell people to read it. a few will, sure.

however. the post you're referencing is specifically addressing the glaring reality that most people, regardless if they fit your DNI criteria or not, are simply not going to go out of their way to find and read it. abusive people aren't going to see "DNI abusive assholes" and be deterred because they themselves don't consider themselves abusive. this post, particularly what OP wrote, is saying how it's much more proactive to curate your own space through utilizing the block button and tag filters when you see things and people you don't want to engage with instead of trying to impose your personal boundaries on strangers online.

addendum // i don't really care if teens are making DNIs and being aggressively annoying about em. i remember the era of setting weird arbitrary rules in my developing years while i was forming Who I Was as a person. they're figuring out who they are and what their comfort levels are. i get it. it's the grownass adults that are hyper-virulent about DNIs that i worry about - and i'm not talking about when they're trying to establish an adults-only space with a stern "minors DNI".

note: what i'm talking about below, i am Not referring to literally illegal and harmful activities / content. just want to be clear.

now, i'm not saying you have to welcome and embrace the content you don't like, but it's important to challenge yourself and toe your comfort boundaries. if you over-prune yourself trying to be the bestest morally correct person, at some point you're going to start boxing yourself into this narrowed teeny tiny worldview. you may turn into the person you claim to have loathed, imposing personal beliefs and morals on others, and brandishing your DNI like it's a certificate of righteousness; not unlike how conservatives wave around religious scripture while pruning away LGBTQ+ rights because it goes against their morality. a few examples of this are topics such as: kink at pride, and the language discrepancies between the younger and older generations of the LGBTQ+ community - particularly in regards to self-identifying with words such as Queer and Dyke and Transsexual.

i probably derailed a bit here, i'm answering this before my caffeine's fully kicked in. if i vaguely worded something or yall want more elaboration on something, don't hesitate to ask

[fcknstar]

hey! i read ur marcus lopez fic and absolutely loved it ur so talented omg

i’m as wondering if i could request a fic with prompt 12 with marcus lopez x reader?

🫶

and if so could you also add me to your tag list?

,, after dark "

pairings : marcuslopez x gn!reader

summary : sometimes your past do catches up to you.

content warnings : disagreements

** lowercase intended**

if saying that you had your life together was an understatement. you were working for the biggest and most respected mafias in the country. it was normal to see at least one dead body in the alleyway. a lifeless body, dumped as if it had no worth that got pushed away as a broken furniture no one saw worthy to save. 

you were just an assistant who also worked as a hitman, being payed high for even injuring a targeted person. it gave you joy, you wanted to feed on souls that deserved nothing but death to come. you sucked in life of your victims, craving more and more as if it was like food and you were always hungry. 

your boss set you out to raid an abandoned apartment to where homed a filthy rich man who unfortunately died due to a heart attack. he kept many important documents that your boss wanted and tonight, thats where you were headed. 

you were clothed in a black skin-tight long sleeved top and short skirt which allowed you to hide your dagger, with a pistol on your waistline. when the time calls for it, you were going to be the one to kill whoever saw you and got in your way. 

you had not noticed the figure which hid in the shadows watching your every move. as you rummaged through the drawers, you heard something drop. you spun around, gripping onto your gun as you pointed to the person standing in front of you. 

" marcus? " 

" hey, i was just dropping by- "

" you arent supposed to be here, you know. " you advanced towards him, watching him stumble backwards. 

" well, neither should you. why dont you put the gun down, honey? " earning a glare from you, you made a move, linking your leg under his making him fall on his back. 

" oh, i remember this. " as you stood above him, he mumbled.

" ignoring your favorite person i see.. its okay.. i bet the memories follow you around dont they. " you dont hesitate but kick his side making him groan. 

" leave this place, act like we never even crossed paths. " you sigh, walking away from him. 

" dont you miss me? " 

" no i dont. and i will not. "

" but seeing you stalk me says otherwise.. how you constantly follow me wherever i go.. i suppose i am grateful that you are looking out for me. " marcus pouted. 

you could not accept how right he had been. you were so in love with marcus that you knew itd be difficult to start a life without him. but you could. for all these years before meeting him shows how you could live without him. but why cant you do the same knowing what you two have been through. how could you when the only thing that occupied your mind was him. how he often thought of your life first and put his own life on the line to save you. how could you ever want to leave someone like him. it was now your turn to look after him when he did everything to protect you. even if as strangers, you knew that you still wanted to be on his wavelength. 

" look, i know we left on terms we didn't agree on due to our statuses, but you can't blame me to not.. look for you. " it felt like you pulled a nerve when you confessed the last part. 

" but you did. "

" i had to okay! what would you do if you are being given a choice, to get your lover killed.. or have your own blood throw you away like youre some meat, even having them turn their back against you? i knew i was being selfish okay? i.. i just cant imagine having you die.. not when i know i could have done something. or me dying. so im sorry if i was being selfish, it was either you dying, or me. and you know what i would have picked. " you were now going on a tangent, gun placed away in its holder, with you rummaging through the drawers. you grabbed every document you could find. marcus just looked at you. 

" im sorry, okay?  i just wanted you, you to be safe and well. " you could have just chosen to have your family killing you, but in the moment, you just had to. it was either him being dead because you wanted to survive. or him being alive at the cost of your freedom. 

marcus never saw the side of your story, too busy grieving with his own. he watched you walk away as if he werent there. as if, he didnt mean anything to you anymore. but he knew, he knew that you loved him enough to save him without even thinking. 

a.n : m not very proud with this, dont know why. and to the person who requested this, thank you but sorry because i couldn't tag you, its not letting me. and so sorry for the long wait!

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hello how are you :3? I was wondering if you could write E.J., Hoodie, and Masky with a s/o that has a lot of scars? (Toby too but platonic for him) I’m not sure how many people we can request so if it’s too many just Hoodie? I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable and thank you!

Various!Creepypastas w/ a scarred!reader

waaaah im so sorry for not seeing this sooner! i didnt recieve a notification for this ask!! really theres no limit to how many characters you can send in! i think my personal max varies from prompt to prompt!! mix of how they approach the concept of a scarred lover (friend in tobys case) with some hints of fluff! cause of scars will be vague as admittedly i didnt know if you meant general scars or SH! side note i hope this posts right! im writing this on my computer, im used to mobile!! + apologies for any weird wording or typos, im listening to music and im getting hyped!! not proof read we die like my spiderverse brainrot

Includes: Eyeless Jack, Hoodie, Masky and Platonic!Toby!

CWs: touch and go talk of potential past trauma, body image issues, vague mentions of SH(?) in EJs part + Toby's parts

admittedly admin doesnt know if its technically SH due to the nature and motiv but personally id still count it as such and tag it as such

Eyeless Jack;

he gets it, he really does. the basic run down of my hc/take on ej is that he wasnt always some flesh eating monster; just some dude who got caught up in some bad stuff

so naturally, he doesnt... really vibe well with the concept of eating human flesh, which can lead to a few... instances. from intentionally to accidentally harming himself while hes lost in his instincts

so hes no stranger to being a little roughed up around the edges

but hes a stranger to comforting; he'll likely approach it from a logical side before trying anything else. "you've been hurt," before going on a small tangent about the formation of scars. hes not the most... emotionally... good... available... person

so youre going to need to lay out the general basis for what you need for basic comfort, on days where your scars become an issue; be is needing comfort or a distraction. it may take him a while, but hell eventually start to pick up on cues and hints as your relationship develops

otherwise hes very neutral about them, again approaching them with a blunt view; seeing it as neither good nor bad. he doesnt draw attention to them, but he doesnt act like theyre gross

really just. vibing with it, doesnt make a huge deal of it since he feels he doesnt have any place to judge, nor does he feel its his business to pry for information

solid 6/10 imo, hell comfort you if you express that you need it but hell likely not go out of his way to do it

Hoodie;

Soft touches, he almost does it before he has your permission to touch you

naturally he has his own fair share of scars from various.. activities

really im still all jumbled up with how i wanna write him and masky; not sure if i want to make them like how they are in their MH source or lean into the proxy thing that was prominent in the early days of the fandom... lowkey leaning into the proxy thing for this post because im more... versed..? in that, but anyhow

hes more upfront and compassionate than eyeless jack, in fact hes probably the most caring out of the four in todays post... maybe thats because i read one (1) fic years back that changed my entire approach to his character but! yeah

subconsciously trails his hands on them when the two of you are holding one another; something gentle and intimate, not too obnoxious to make you self conscious, but not careful enough to go unnoticed

i view hoodie, and by extension brian if i end up considering him and tim fully seperate from their 'proxy' parts, as a very tactile person

true to the popular fanon interpretation, hoodie doesnt speak much. but that only makes him a better listener, so on days where things get hard, hell let you talk his ears off with anything thats bothering you. very rarely, hell speak up and offer some words of advice, most times hell inch closer to grasp you. though it does get awkward since most the time hes just. blankly staring at you silently without emoting or saying a word

overall? personally hes a 7/10 for me, i would rank him higher if he were more verbal, but thats just because admin has an easier time venting if its a two way convo; but overall hell make sure that your scars dont effect your worth

Masky;

very similarly to hoodie, masky also has his own set of scars for the same reasons

he probably starts pointing out his own scars to you and mumbles about where they came from if he knows their origins

this doesnt mean "oh hes invalidating your experiences and hes trying to make it about himself," but more so "hes showing that he really does get it and he doesnt mean to talk over you"

much like EJ he approaches scars with a very blunt and upfront mindset, but to a lesser extent. he admits that whatever led up to the tissue forming, it hurt. emotionally and physically, and hes not going to deny that simple fact. hell listen to you, have a conversation with you about it, and try to help you through whatever you may be currently going through regardless of if youre injury is relevant.

or at least, thats what hes trying to do.

hes still has his own personal issues regarding going about his own problems in a healthy manner but hey thats something for another post; maybe, if i remember

honestly this post doesnt have enough fluff imo, and i can kinda see masky doing this, but imagine he boops his mask against your scars in a mockery of a kiss (doesnt take off his mask often, in fact youll probably never ever see him without it on), i can see jack doing this too tbh

thoughts? 8/10, gets the bonus points for being less awkward to rant to imo, plus i think asides ej, i think i have a bias for masky for the simple fact i had the fattest crush on him when i was in middle school

Toby;

okay! this one is going to be interesting for one main reason! i actually havent touched tobys character in YEARS! so hes probably going to have the shorter list... obligatory i havent built any solid hcs for him past what was going on in the fandom in the 2010s, before toby briefly became a mild discomfort... but we're back in business baby!! (^^ dont feel bad for requesting for toby btw! hes no longer a discomfort, and if i didnt want to write for him i wouldnt be including him right here!!)

obviously we cant talk about his part without talking about his cheek. and other, similar hcs. while i dont think most of the self inflicted marks on his body were from a place of.. for lack of better words, darkness; it doesnt change the fact he still has them. i think a lot of them are from the fact he cant feel anything; accidental burns, gnawing through his cheek, digging his fingers deep into himself. really i could go into detail, but due to the aforementioned fact that my take on him isnt as developed as other characters + i really dont think its appropriate for this post (or really, anywhere on this account,), ill stop there

while he cant relate to the physical pain of what caused your scars, he can sympathize through your feelings. do you feel sorrow, or anger to whoever hurt you? hell be getting worked up right with you, because to him youre one of his closest friends

i feel like he doesnt talk much about his past, regarding his family. but hed tell you, and you can sure as hell bet that hell do his absolute damndest to grant you the same feeling of security.

hell probably touch and prod without truly meaning any harm, but thats because he can have problems with boundaries, but hell listen if you sit him down and tell him it makes you uncomfortable if it does

more so emotional than outwardly... supportive? idk the words, but hes very empathetic with you and tries to relate to you through emotion rather than feeling what you felt. honestly? kinda based for that, but maybe thats because i dont see feelings about this topic being touched on, usually its straight up about how the scar makes the person look or the physical trauma they had gone through, but idk, maybe thats just a me thing

he can be an asshole at times but hell usually backtrack and cool off somewhere else if you call him out on it imo

not sure if its because as im LITERALLY investigating his characteristics and interpretations as we speak, but i think im starting to relate to him so ER-OH!

anyways, i wish i could make his segment more... in tune with the characters above but its probably going to take me a while until im comfortable with how i portray this dude, which sucks because as a kid he was probably one of my favorites

i dont think im going to give toby a rating like the others; since i dont think i can accurate rate him due to the lack of proper concrete ideas outside of him being empathetic to your emotional pain since he cant relate on how much it hurt

im gonna end this here since im starting to sound like a broken record on tobys part so!

i hope you enjoyed this! characterization may be a little off but i blame that mostly on the fact that i kinda fell out of the loop in regards for writing for these guys (that damn spider movie! the brainrot threw me off my creepypasta grind!/j) but its good to be back writing for this fandom! it was a fun little brain exercise trying to figure out each character goes about this kind of thing without making them all the same!! with that being said, im going to go listen to an audio reading of tobys story so i can regrounded in his character and hopefully do him some justice in the future!

[jjenthusee]

Racing Hearts Pt. 2

f1!driver!jason x reporter!reader

A/N: IM SO EXCITED FOR THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO ARE ENJOYING THIS SERIES🤭🤭 i hope you don’t mind that I tagged those of you who commented on the first part because i don’t want u gremlins (*said lovingly*) to miss out on this next part AHHHH (might change this in the future idk but this is the only thing i can think of rn) I CANT WAIT FOR U GUYS TO READ ABOUT THESE TWO CAUSE MY ROOMMATE AND I HAD SO MANY GREAT IDEAS HEHEHE <3 as always comment ur thoughts if ur comfortable, reblog, and like if ur enjoying the series \(*~*)/

Tag List: (Sorry for the tag) @jaybirdstreet @gallusstuff @meowkn @velvetberries @i0lovepink00 @rayaskoalaland @spidernuggets @janybabyy

part 3 for you beautiful people 🤭 hehehe but here’s the link for pt. 1

Tags: banter, agonizing fluff, hurt/comfort, strangers to friends to lovers

Word Count: 4.1k

“Jason, we haven’t gotten anything done for this interview that your management team wants. I need something to write about.” You nagged at Jason from the inside of your red go-kart.

From afar, Jason tries to drift his blue go-kart, his form too big for the small car. Large hands covering majority of the small steering wheel, he laughs as he passes you, your hair flying into your eyes from the sudden wind.

How is he even going that fast? You question to yourself.

Jason’s laughing like a child as he starts his next lap, you watch from the side of the track as he gets closer to you, his classic smirk on his face, the one you’ve seen on the cover of major magazines.

It was like watching his persona shift, seeing how comfortable he was. Enjoying himself, having fun. A lighthearted kid in your eyes.

Once he rounded the last corner of the track, he locked onto you, gripping the steering wheel, jerking it to one side to skid to a stop right next to you.

“Race me. If you win, I’ll answer five of your questions, guarantee it.” He beams at you, competitiveness masking his entire face. There was a lit fire in his eyes.

“If I lose?” You raise an eyebrow, intrigued.

“Come on, have some confidence!” Jason smiles.

You stay quiet, staring at him. Jason opens his mouth again to speak.

“Okay, fine. If you lose, you have to come with me somewhere. Can’t say ‘no.’” He tilts his head teasingly. Matching your stare, the white streak in his hair falling into his eyes, no longer pulled back from the breeze from driving. “I’ll even buy you breakfast that day.” He negotiates.

“Five questions if I win—“ You held up five fingers to emphasize yourself.

“That’s the spirit!” Jason interrupted from excitement.

“I get one question, no matter what even if I lose,” You wanted to make sure you got something out of today. “And I’ll go anywhere you want.” You glanced back at your steering wheel. Adjusting yourself and glancing to the race track up ahead, deciding how to effectively drive through it.

“You’re on.” Jason watched your side-profile, enamored by your serious face, concentrating as you chewed on your lip slightly.

He watched closely, noticing the slight sparkle to your eyes once you were satisfied with your plan. A slight warmth in his stomach when you surprised him, looking back at him with a smug look. A playful evil smile on your lips.

He was crazy about seeing the new reactions he riled up in you. Jason tried to memorize them, saving them into his mental photo album of you.

“Go!” You shout, speeding off, leaving him behind in your imaginary dust.

——

It was all for nothing, you had lost.

Jason had surpassed you a third of the way to the end of the track even with your head start.

Curse his world record. It even applied to go-karts.

“Is this ‘cause I stole your sandwich last week?” You groaned, exiting the track for the next group of people to get their chance to race. “It was an accident that I never took it out of the bag, I only noticed after I got home.”

You were so engrossed in finding a silly reason for Jason’s win that you almost walked into the group of people walking toward you, ready for their turn to race.

Jason grabbed the sides of your shoulders, guiding you in a different direction, careful to not let you bump into them.

You didn’t even flinch at the physical contact, getting use to Jason’s brief touch, you honestly welcomed it.

Jason was about to speak before a group of teens and children ran up to him, asking for an autograph. A small boy even asked to sign his jacket, saying he wanted to frame it. Another girl said to sign her hand, enthusiastically telling Jason she’ll never wash her hand again.

You covered your smile, watching Jason kneel down to her level, telling her how unhygienic that is, but he can sign her shirt too.

Hopefully her parents won’t be too mad at that.

You gave them space. Going to the food stands to grab a lemonade. When you turned back you watched Jason interact with the group of kids, happily making them laugh. Telling them to be safe on the go-karts.

It was cute to watch him try to take a selfie with one of the teens. They had to tip toe, trying to reach Jason’s height before he leaned down to wink to the camera.

When the kids ran off, excitedly yelling to one another at the chance encounter, you leaned against one of the nearby chairs watching Jason walk back to you.

“I do not understand kid slang anymore.” He chuckled to himself, standing in front of you. “What does ‘slay’ mean?”

You nearly burst out laughing, almost spitting some of the lemonade out.

“What did they say to you?” You wiped the corner of your mouth, a tiny bit of lemonade on the edge.

Jason looked at your mouth for a split second, then met your eyes again.

“Uh, they said I ‘slayed’ and then one boy proceeded to repeatedly say ‘skibidi?’” Jason looked at you, genuinely confused. “Did I miss something? I genuinely don’t know if I should be thankful or worried?”

“It’s just children being children, I know ‘slay’ is positive, but you lost me on the other one.” You smile as Jason raised his hand, thumb brushing the corner of your lip, gently wiping the edge.

Did you miss a spot? You were sure you got all the lemonade off.

From a distance, you heard giggling. Another group of kids watching from behind a half wall, immediately ducking behind it, hiding when you and Jason glanced over to the noise. One kid never ducked, watching intently as their eyes sparkled over the arm rest, another kid tackling him to the ground, a loud ‘oof’ echoing after a thud. Not long after, you heard two kids whisper shouting at one another.

You chuckled, amused at your nosy onlookers.

“Let’s get out of here, I got one question I need to use and I need to hear about this place you have to take me to.” You sung as you stood up, walking to the exit with Jason by your side.

——

You walked next to Jason, brisk air felt through your hair once you met the breezy outside. A slight chill eating at your spine underneath your thick jacket.

The winter air freezing more each day.

“Question time?” You glanced up at Jason.

“Not yet.” He walked up to his motorcycle, handing you a helmet.

You unconsciously grabbed it, questioning what was going on. Standing there, awkwardly holding onto it.

“Why do I need this?” You raised an eyebrow.

Jason put on his helmet, the combination with the leather jacket did wonders for your eyes.

You could no longer see his sharp eyes, covered by the black visor, reflecting your confused face.

Jason looked at you.

“A quick ride.” He nonchalantly answered, raising his thumb to rub at your raised eyebrow as you closed your left eye. “Get on.”

He was really fond of touching your face for some reason.

“I’ve never—I don’t even know how to get on.” You looked down at the helmet, staring at your reflection again.

Jason sat down on the seat, starting the motorcycle and revving it.

When he was satisfied with the sound, he waved you to come closer. When you stood at his side, he grabbed the helmet out of your hands and placed it on your head himself. Looking at his work, he nodded, satisfied with himself.

Then he pat the small section behind him.

“That’s not a seat.” You reluctantly looked between the nonexistent seat and Jason.

“Yes, it is.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me. I could fall off.” You spoke through the helmet.

“Not if you hold onto me.” Jason proudly explained.

You could hear the smirk on his face despite it being completely covered. Paired with the laid-back lean he had to his body and the ego he was wearing, it was intoxicating.

You sighed. Awkwardly stepping on the small step, throwing your leg over the motorcycle, adjusting yourself as you tried to balance your weight, Jason’s build helping you practically not move the machinery beneath you.

“Did you plan this? How do you have an extra helmet?” You questioned as you tried to find something to grab onto with your hands, not wanting to consider Jason’s shoulders or even worse, his waist.

“Aw, don’t waste your one question on that.” Jason playfully revved the motorcycle again.

“Just go before I change my mind—”

Jason accelerated forward, taking off and cutting off your words as you felt your body leaning back. You nervously grabbed onto his shoulder, then pulled your weight toward him. As scared as you were, you didn’t realize you had shifted yourself, grabbing onto his waist. Pressing your helmet to the back of his broad shoulders, forcing yourself to look down as you closed your eyes.

“You asshole—“ You yelled against the wind.

“Sorry, I can’t hear you!” Jason spoke loudly, clearly lying to you.

You squeezed his side, trying your best to pinch him through his leather jacket.

He only laughed at you.

——

When you got to your apartment, he stopped outside. You were discombobulated at how fast he drove. You wanted so desperately to call it reckless, but he was also weirdly in control.

You could worry about that later.

Once Jason parked, he put the kickstand into place, but you didn’t move. Still clutching onto his jacket.

“See that wasn’t so bad.” Jason teased.

You didn’t say anything. Only looking at the back of his head, hands clawing at him.

“Hey, you okay?” Jason worriedly looked back, not able to read your expression through the helmet that blocked your face.

He tried to turn his entire torso to you as much as he could. His demeanor changed to frantic.

“Hey, sweetheart?”

That whipped you out of your blank stare.

“You better never invite me to your place or I’ll steal your TV remote, hide your phone charger, and make sure to take one side of all your socks, so you never have a matching pair.” You quietly threatened, not sounding intimidating to Jason.

He got off the motorcycle, you let go of his jacket as he pulled away.

A small laugh came from his helmet.

“Then I’m going to break into your place and use your TV, your phone charger, and wear your socks.” Jason reached out, holding his hand out to help you off.

“Don’t you dare, I have everything perfectly organized and you’re going to mess it up.” You pouted, grabbing his hand, slowly getting off the back of the motorcycle.

“Then I’ll bring my new TV remote, my new phone charger, and all my one-sided socks after I break into your place.” Jason unexpectedly pulled you close to him.

Your helmet bumping into his chest, as you tried to catch your fall on gripping his forearm with one hand, then reaching up to touch your head, but your hand only touched the smooth helmet surface instead.

You quickly glanced up. Only seeing the dark visor as it looked down to you. Jason still holding onto your hand.

“I’m sorry, I drove too fast.” Jason softly apologized, a tone you’ve never heard from him. Too soft, it made your heart ache.

You almost forgave him, almost, but your racing heart distracted you.

You prayed he couldn’t feel your heartbeat.

“Can I pick you up tomorrow morning? Breakfast and then take you somewhere?” Jason continued, warming your hand in his.

You almost lost your sanity because you swore his helmet got closer to yours.

You cleared your throat.

“I’m using that question tomorrow, for sure. You can’t back out.” You turned your head to the side, not fully back to yourself to handle the intensity of his stare.

You thanked the helmet gods for covering his puppy-eyed look with a visor.

He tapped the top of his helmet to yours, letting it rest there.

You froze. You were sure your ears were bright red. Thanking the helmet gods again for shielding you.

Jason breathily laughed, it made your stomach tingle.

“I can’t wait.” Jason whispered before pulling away from you, hand lingering on yours before he let go, your palm cold.

He helped you pull your helmet off, your hair most likely matte against your head.

Jason waved goodbye, ready to drive down the street before he yelled.

“I’ll be here by eight!”

The sound of the engine fading low in the distance.

——

You were dragging the next morning.

Getting ready, putting on your usual clothes, but knowing how much Jason loved to move around, you opted for reasonable clothes you can maneuver in.

It was a quarter until eight. Not bad, you were doing good on timing.

You laced up your shoes, grabbing a jacket. Placing any essentials you needed for the mysterious day.

Thank goodness Jason was getting breakfast, you needed something to jump start you.

When you locked your door, walking down the steps from the second floor to the ground floor, you saw a familiar motorcycle parked outside. With a familiar broad back standing next to it, the back of his head in clear view.

Your eyes brightened as you raced down the stairs, hopping down the last three steps.

A wall separated you and Jason as you stopped, hiding just before the edge, calming yourself, taking a breath, brushing off nonexistent dust on your jacket.

You casually walked out, acting like you didn’t have a burst of excitement at seeing him.

“Five minutes early? Wow, I’m honored you did that for your ‘lil reporter.’” You quipped as Jason turned back to you at the sound of your voice.

A hand brushing through his hair. What a good morning.

“Breakfast delivery, check. Your ride, check. The most handsome man in front of you, check.” Jason proudly presented his bag of breakfast goods to you.

“Aw, you shouldn’t have.” You quickly grabbed the bag, excited to eat.

After the two of you devoured your meal, you were ready to leave. You easily grabbed onto Jason’s sides, feeling the engine come to life beneath you once you joined the daily traffic.

You started to recognize the change in scenery.

Crime Alley.

You hadn’t been here in ages, a somber feeling itching at you.

After coming to a stop, you read a small sign ‘Donations and Free Meals.’

You looked at Jason, who didn’t look back at you. He moved his motorcycle into the garage to the side of the building. They seemed to be connected, only separated by a door on the shared wall. He left both of your helmets, closing the garage door.

You followed Jason like a duckling, his motions fluid, in routine.

He must come here a lot. Saying ‘Hi’ to many faces, just as glad to see him back, introducing you to every person he knew.

No one knew about any of this. Not the public, no one but the locals.

He got in line, helping to organize the stock of donations, other volunteers prepping food, just done with serving free breakfast.

You quickly fell in with the volunteers, asking where you can go to.

A new stock of winter clothes had come in, available in adult sizes and for children. You were confused, not at what Jason seemed to be doing on the weekdays he wasn’t at the race track, but why he never mentioned it.

You watched from afar, staring at Jason put on a pair of work gloves. Smiling at the other men helping him lift heavy boxes.

He was avoiding you, you knew he could feel your blank stare from across the room.

Okay, Mr. Todd. You get this one pass. You thought to yourself, moving back to hand out winter jackets to the group of kids coming in through the door. You were going to make him face you one way or another.

——

Lunch was here.

It was time to corner Jason.

When you walked around, you thanked the founders of the organization for allowing you to be here today as you passed them, looking for Jason at the same time.

Asking those you met earlier that day if they had seen him.

The best you could find out was he tends to spend the breaks in the garage next door, where he parks.

You grabbed two sandwich trays, making your way back to the garage.

You opened the door, pushing it open with your hip as you balanced the to-go trays.

“Y’know you could have told me to wake up earlier if you wanted to help out with serving breakfast.” You voiced, Jason cleaning his motorcycle with a microfiber rag. Only momentarily stopping when he heard your voice.

You placed his sandwich tray on the table, storing some simple maintenance tools.

You folded out the metal chair leaning against the wall, opening your lunch.

“I hope your not mad, I know I didn’t explain anything.” Jason stammered, nervously wiping more aggressively.

“I’m not mad. Surprised, but I wouldn’t be mad at volunteering.” You took a bite, talking like normal.

Jason stayed silent, not moving. Looking down at the very shiny motorcycle.

“Please eat with me, Jason.” You tilted your head to his plate of food.

With a sigh, he took off his gloves, sitting next to you on a bench, not facing you.

“How did you find this place?” You asked, calm.

“I was riding around one night.” Jason paused. “It wasn’t a good night before I stumbled across this place.”

Jason grabbed one slice of the sandwich, only looking at it.

“I only mentioned it, but my family…has bad history. It has gotten better, but it doesn’t resolve what happened.” Jason lost himself in the memories, before inhaling. Almost preparing himself to speak again.

“My career was at its peak, but my family was crashing again, so I distanced myself. Almost a record at this point.” He lowly chuckled, but he wasn’t amused, his shoulders slightly sinking.

You stopped eating, joining Jason in only holding your sandwich.

“I was so tied down by the Wayne family name. Like it haunted me. I couldn’t do anything without someone breathing down my neck, ready to ask about Bruce’s next scandal. I didn’t care because what did that have to do with my career? I ignored it. Let myself get lost in training, but I didn’t realize how much I evaded everything. I avoided anything to do with them.”

Jason heavily exhaled, laying his full sandwich back down. His appetite diminishing.

“I was in such a dark place. My mind wasn’t here. I can’t thank my management enough for what they let me get away with. I should have never gotten away with anything, but they helped me, assisted me. I wish I could thank them properly, but nothing I could do could make up for it.” Jason spoke, admitting a personal part of him that you held your breath at.

“It was good. I was winning again, despite everything around me, but I couldn’t maintain it. I burned out so fast that I was out for almost an entire season. But I found this place. It surprised me seeing it off the road. It was a place that supported itself, by itself. No Wayne name attached to it. It surprised me.” Jason sadly laughed again. “I was so lost, I almost forgot that Gotham helped itself too, no rich guy dipping himself in everything. The city has its issues, but the people in it work just as hard to change it.”

Jason looked at you for the first time.

“As much as I hate it, I deal with it because I want the people I care about to be safe. So just like these people here, I picked myself up.”

A heavy air settled on the both of you.

Jason stared at you, unbreakable and somber. Your breath still stuck in your throat. You didn’t know what to say. You were speechless.

You silently put down your food, moving your chair closer to him, leaning toward him.

Jason’s hands were shaking, not at all matching his hard stare, watching your every move.

“Y’know, I’ve always preferred you in red, not black.” You softly glanced down at Jason’s red hoodie.

His expression slowly softening, a small smile on his lips as his head hung low, trying to mask his pained expression.

You reached your hand out. Gently cusping your hand under his chin, gently moving his face back up to yours. It felt closer than it was.

“That must have been so difficult. I can’t imagine all the pain you went through, the pressure from your races must have hurt, but the unintentional pressure from your family…I can’t imagine it.” You spoke so softly, that it felt like a whisper.

Your thumb gently smoothing out his frown lines.

“Jason, you must realize that you’ve accomplished so much. You don’t have to push yourself until your body hurts. No one but you will suffer from that and you don’t deserve it. We’ve only met a couple of times these past few weeks, but seeing how free and loose you were, that’s the Jason I adore.” You pulled his face toward yours. Emphasizing your seriousness in your face. “You aren’t tied down by anything, you can choose what to care about. Like your racing team, your brothers, and even Bruce. It may not be my place to tell you any of this, but I’ve seen what you’ve done today. How involved you are.”

You huffed, suddenly passionate. Jason’s eyes widening.

“I talked to multiple people about what you’ve done for them, how often you come by. I don’t need to hear it from you about what you’ve accomplished. It’s what I do. I find information. Talk to the people and they can tell you so much. Although you may probably feel like you are mimicking Bruce, putting your hands in things you shouldn’t, but you don’t just drop things off with a fancy card signed with your name. You introduce yourself, put on some work gloves, and deny any food they offer you.”

Jason smiled, laughing. Feeling his breath on your face.

“Why are you laughing right now?! I’m being serious!” You exhaled in disbelief, gripping more firmly onto Jason’s face.

“I’m sorry, but I haven’t seen you so emotional. I know it sounds bad, but knowing that you’re getting so angry because of me, makes me so weirdly happy.” Jason smiled, his teeth in clear view.

You frowned.

You like Jason’s smile, but in this moment, you wanted to wipe it away.

So you pinched his cheek.

“Ack—“ Jason’s smile going away at the slight pinch. “What’s that for?” He tried to pull away, but you kept your hands on the sides of his face.

“I tried to have a serious moment, Mr. Todd.” You angrily reverted back to your formal address of the driver smushed between your hands.

“Hey—quit that.” Jason couldn’t see much as you mischievously smirked.

In retaliation, Jason grabbed the base of your chair, pulling you closer as the legs screeched against the concrete, you swayed against the movement. Clumsily falling forward, nearly colliding face to face with Jason.

“You idiot, I almost fell!” You grimaced, not fully realizing the close distance of your face and body. Your hands still on his face.

Jason fell silent.

You glanced at him, lost for words. Your eyes widening at your noses almost touching.

You entire body was just inches away from fully touching him.

Your breath picking up, your heart beats increasing.

Jason’s eyes glanced between yours. Until it fell to your lips, opened slightly as you exhaled.

Your ears were reddening.

Everything fell in slow motion.

Jason’s hands lifted from the chair, moving toward your legs.

You breath stopped.

Creak.

You whipped your head around. The door opening as a volunteer walked into the garage. A man standing still, quickly analyzing the proximity of the two of you, the sandwiches moved haphazardly. From his angle, it had looked like you were enjoying lunch, despite both of your sandwiches barely touched.

“Oh—I, sorry.” The man immediately closing the door. A loud thud shaking the walls.

“Oh god.” Your face dropping into your hands. “That is so embarrassing.”

“We’re adults, it’s not so bad.” Jason shook his shoulders, turning around to grab his sandwich to finish.

“How am I going to go out there? I swear I only do embarrassing things around you, how could I act like a little kid fighting with you—“ You stopped, following Jason with your eyes as he stood up. “What do you mean ‘we’re adults?’”

“Sorry, lunch is over.” Jason grabbed his glove on the way out, shoving the sandwich into his mouth, pointing at it like he can’t talk.

“Jason!” You yelled as he closed the door.

End A/N: I headcanon that Jason for sure heard reader rushing down those steps and he nervously tried to fix his hair in his side mirror HEHEHEHE

[wintrwinchestr]

wip wednesday

heyyy, how yall doin… i’ve been working on something that im excited about and excited to share when im done :) it’s going to be another 2 part mini series, i plan on finishing both parts at once but posting them separately, maybe a week apart at the most. we’re looking at probably around 12k-15k for both parts together. despite what you read below, this will be a very dark joel!! i will be sure to tag both parts boldly and appropriately.

here’s a hefty snippet of our intro to this joel:

“You need a ride, sweetheart?” A man asks in a gravelly voice, and you can still hardly make out what he looks like. Based on the southern accent you pick up on, he doesn’t sound like he’s from around here.

“N-no, thank you. I’m okay,” you respond shakily, taking a nervous step back from the stranger and his rusted pickup.

“You sure? Looked like you were cryin’ over here, like you might be lost or somethin’.”

“‘M not lost, I know where I’m going.”

“Oh yeah? Where’s that?”

Shit.

You take a guess.

“Um… the motel down the road,” you reply, tilting your head in the direction you had been walking in.

“There ain’t a motel down there, sweetheart. Ain’t nothin’ in either direction for miles, ‘s all just farmland out here. Reckon you’ve already figured that out, though.”

You pause, unsure of what your next move should be. He knows you’re lying, knows you’re alone with no fucking idea where you are or where you’re going. You could run, but even that shitty truck of his could catch up to you in a matter of seconds. You take another step back, swiveling your head around to look up and down the road as you try to figure your best way out of this.

“Just lemme give you a ride somewhere, darlin’. There’s a diner just off the exit, ‘bout twenty miles up ahead. Could take you that far, at least, get you somethin’ to eat” he offers. A warm meal does sound pretty good right now, and you suppose you aren’t exactly in a position to refuse his help.

You think on it for a second. “What’s it called? The diner.”

The stranger huffs. “Moody’s.”

“What do they have?” you challenge.

“It’s a fuckin’ diner off the side of the freeway, darlin’. They got greasy food and black coffee, ‘s about all you need.”

You don’t say anything.

Then, after a beat—“They got some kinda sloppy mess they call the Thunder Burger. ‘S got onion rings and shit on it. Ain’t half bad.”

You have to admit, he’s passing your pop quiz with flying colors. His answers have been too quick, too specific for him to be lying to you. There’s a pretty solid chance this diner does exist, and that he’s been there before. The man hasn’t said anything that’s indicated he wants anything more to do with you than to offer you a ride and some dinner. He’s probably just somebody’s harmless grandfather, anyway, judging by his motheaten flannel and gray-stricken beard you can see now that you’ve approached his truck a few paces closer.

“Okay,” you concede, your stomach growling loudly as the man leans over the bench seat to pop open the passenger side door for you. You shrug off your backpack and climb into the cabin, clicking your seatbelt into place as you situate yourself on the cracked leather seat.