#like im already in hell might as well...
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Thinking about going back for my masters because what's a little more debt
#i'm in a constant back and forth over this#like im already in hell might as well...#i just can't keep working at a job that doesn't even pay enough for a single apartment#but that really says more about the climate than anything because I earn well above minimum wage#addy.txt
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IM FREEEEEE
#(FROM PROJECTS)#personal#the engineering chronicles#WILL HOPEFULLY NEVER NEED TO SLEEP THREE NIGHTS ON THE FLOOR OF THE ENGINEERING BUILDING AGAIN!!!#one class the final project was to build a karaoke machine which my partner and i had planned on making look like actual speakers and#microphone but we couldn’t find the stuff in time and her mom made a joke abt singing into hairbrushes and we decided to take that and#run lol we used a pink sparkly makeup box to store our circuit and cut out holes for the speakers and decorated it with makeup and put the#hairbrush mics inside and it was very fun actually and our class voted us as one of the groups to go to project day which was pretty cool!!#project day did get canceled bc of. asnow day which was unfortunate especially considering we stayed up until 4am the night before#preparing our documents for it and trying to perfect the karaoke machine when we could have been putting that time toward project number#2 😐 but whatever we still get our extra credit and i can say i qualified for it so im happy enough#then project 2 was for another class but we’re lab partners in both (+ another guy for this project) and it was digital monster pet so we#made a dragon i was mostly on design so i hand CADed the whole thing which was living hell if i never want to lay eyes on solidworks#again but also he came out very cute after MUCH hasle putting him together with all the wires and components bc our wires from the kit are#so bad they’re constantly getting disconnected from each other which we didn’t know would happen bc the labs we usually do we don’t have to#connect them together like that since you’re not routing them thru bodies etc and they’ve worked great until now but anywya.#i did the lcd faces and the light sensor and a couple other things + a lot of the code was copy and paste from past labs and fitting it to#suit the project but for the most part it was a shit ton of hardware on my end while she and the other guy managed the rest of the code#which i really wish i could have been more involved with but oh well. as it is though he’s my baby i birthed him <3 we’re planning on#meeting up over weekends next semester to change some stuff and add other extra features that we missed we got a decent grade 85% but we#all agreed we don’t want to leave him like this we want to add the extra features we had come up with and also i think we should switch out#our motors for servos bc the motors we were required to use#instead suck they’re not strong at all compared to what a servo can do for you. also we want to make it so you can not only pet him which w#already have with light sensors but also wash him with a Hall effect sensor and magnet so like we’d stick the sensor inside and the magnet#inside a little cad brush or sponge is what im envisioning and i have an expression in mind for what we’d do then. also paint him and#redesign the platform he stands on bc it’s rlly cramped and also make a pcb bc we only have him with the microcontroller and breadboards rn#and i might mess with his face piece a bit too im not sure. oh and speakers!!! those were technically a requirement but we didn’t get them#done on time but i want to make him play music sooooo bad so definitely that. anyway want to be more involved in the software when we do#all this. pretty excited actually :]
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look i know this month has been crazy already in what has been going on for me BUT IT GETS CRAZIER... I got to finally have my constant pain I've had for two years diagnosed... I have fibromyalgia lol i have a chronic illness??😭😭
tbf it doesn't change anything i was already coping with these pains because I've been sitting with em for 2 years i just have anti depressants now but you know what has changed... my character lore GOT SICK AS FUCK!!!!!!!🦅🦅🦅🦅 (lighthearted)
#not art#i feel like someones oc rn#wdym i have a higher sense of pain and i feel physical pain when i get stressed that sounds like what i did to my ocs at 10 for lore LMAO#on top of that i got told i have hyperelasticity and got told... hm yeah thats probably why you wear glasses#THEN HE PROCEEDS TO EXPLAIN EXACTLY WHAT HAS BEEN WRONG WITH MY EYES FOR YEARS WHAT THE FUCK#born to be blind ig i guess it wasnt that damn phone after all/joke#not gonna lie i kinda saw fibromyalgia coming because my family does have a history of it but still damn#im taking it pretty well rn but i was very mortified at the prospect of a chronic illness but. whatever im already coping well#AGAIN THIS DOES NOT CHANGE ANYTHING LOL i just think its crazy as hell#character lore got sick as hell this month i got into a car crash them boom you have chronic illness that is basically a disability#also you have funny nerves hehe you can stretch funny AND THAT MAKES YOU BLIND#i feel like someones oc#(not reallt a car crash almost was but. MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BEEN WITH HOW I WAS LEFT???)
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at least if she does go through with it i can just go to seymour and no-one will know. what're they gonna do about it
#xoxo.monty#trying to look on the bright side#mostly failing#i feel. miserable#teenagers famously love it when you cut off their only communication with friends both irl and online for several weeks#and force them to only talk to their family#ik im probably being dramatic and stupid its just that most of my projects etc rely on being able to look things up or use websites#i guess i could go to the library and use their computers actually#so it wouldnt be . too bad. still definitely not GOOD#but i wouldnt be completely cut off#d'accord maybe i would be fine#like its only half an hours bike ride#oh wait the library is closed for a week#okay i changed my mind again definitely would not be fine#also what if its hot#EXCEPTING those two things i could prolly ride to the library every day#which sounds stupid but im worried that if i miss another meetup(????) with my friends theyre gonna think i hate them or that im a bitch#also like. i want to see them? well. mostly#bc the first time i was invited out i had JUST had dental surgery so i. could not go.#nd the second time i was still feeling bad (from the surgery) so i didnt go but that time i lied about why#bc i thought she might not believe me#and im scared that if i dont reply to another invite#they'll just stop inviting me#hell im scared thats already happened and i just dont know#i do have more to say but i have rambled for long enough lmaoo so i'll leave it at that
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#fe3h#fe16#fire emblem#polls#ann in fodlan#i havent been able to find the game cartridge for 3 years but god i miss it#i really miss it.#and my parents who love me so dearly are like ‘WHAT THE HELL DO WE GET YOU FOR CHRISTMAS’#cuz i dont usually ask for much aside from like. socks. and maybe a pair of jeans.#but im seeing it on sale for forty bucks…#soooooooooooooooooooo#im kinda leaning in the direction of one house already but if someones ride or die for a house#and i know you are#im willing to hear arguments#i didnt include ss bc i dont like that one.#well thats not true. i dont dislike it and i think it has the best set up for complete sandbox cuz if gets rid of ur main lord#thus one less force deploy#and i actually do like the final map#but story wise…. why wouldnt i just go play gd… yk#dlc is here bc i actually love the dlc. lmao. though it might kick my ass im a little rusty
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I cannot rely on one person for me to be happy my happiness isn't allowed to be only triggered by one person I can be happy at every little thing it doesn't matter about this one person
#im in too far fucking deep again#and when he leaves again its gonna hurt just as much. but more.#finch posts#he makes me happy beyond belief and i goddamn love having a friend who knows me inside out and has done for so long#but. your love is my drug by kesha comes to mind. its fucking intoxicating talking to him#and last time he left (we were 12 and his parents moved their family) it made me kinda depressed and i was so fucking needy to talk to him#and now we're three and a half months into rekindling the friendship and i feel the same like i get really sad already >#>if i just dont talk to him for a couple of days without like a trip or friends or smthn else to entertain me#songs are starting to remind me of him#fuck fuck fuck#1am in the morning makes me too honrst#i think im still a bit (a lot) in love with them#ohmygod i dont even think it i know it#i should go to sleep earlier#it would stop me having so many thoughts#i havent seen him in multiple years but i can still imagine kissing him#oh fucking hell fuck my actual whole fucking life#and his closest friend where he lives now well they were starting to be a bit of a thing and surely its not fucking normal>#>to daydream about kissing a girl who ive literally never seen a photo of#holy fucking hell i am such a hopeless poly bisexual#WHY DONT WE REWRITE THE STARSSSS#oh this is circling round to my suspicions i might be kinda like demi romantic??#i should buy myself flowers . wait. no. i grow flowers 🫠#well i could still buy myself flowers . and i should#i need to go to the beach#cant wait to get a proper drivers license#if youve made it this far down my crisis hi youve gotten to the stage where u can tell what songs im listening to!
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My recent take has inspired me to make a list of Wizard101's most fuckable spells. I will regret this when I'm elderly.
#everyday i run the risk of kingsisle seeing these posts and banning me from the game and the fandom and also tumblr#didnt someone make that treefucker tier list post inspired by tree fucker anon? im gonna do that but with the spells#when i made that monsterfucker poll i was NOT playing around. silly fools. i will show you how SERIOUS i was#im just gonna expose myself to the world like that huh. huh. really.#there should be a psychologist that approves a study for people wanting to fuck robots/aliens/monsters. like freud but less weird#my face would be there under that study. as a picture. and this post will inspire that study.#wizard101#w101#wiz101#text posts#im already going to hell i might as well have fun while i can /j
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Imalways so torn up between letting myself feel negative emotions besides anger cause I never do and being like wellllllll... it IS nearly 9 so really none of these are Real emotions so what's the point?
#gamer txt.#i think im hiding from myself again#what with my endless optimism and hope#i dont think i really beat my depression i think i mighta just covered it up really well by accident#and that the winter is not fucking helping me out here#even if i do actually have my shit sorted out which i dont but if i did then i feel like i shouldn't#im way too put together for someone with my problems at this fucking age#this is the age where i can actually like. suck ass and not being Super judged for it this is the age for making mistakes for being fucking#stupid and im wasting trying to pretend ive got everything on lock#i feel like im rushing everything#yous know i only like realised ive been masking my whole life like. this year#like Thats how hard i hide from myself! i didny even fucking realise!#but like whay the hell can i do about it now i dont ever have the opportunity to be myself#its not like i have a moment before every action where i can decide what to do its already happened and i didny have the chance to think#is 1 step forward 2 steps back meant to be like motivational in any way cause i think that might be what i go for#honestly i need to let myself make mistakes and do stupid shit and remind myself im not infallible#and the worst part about all this is that im trying so hard to not go none of these are real feelings its 9pm and winter#and knowing theres a decent chance thats actually the case#i dont want it to be the case#i dont want to the perfect quiet endless sympathy for others no attention no care required kid anymore#i want to be fucking messy because i feel like a fucking mess and everyone knows im a fucking mess and they just pretend im not#and even if all these feelings are just for right now and arent really ''real'' i know damn well ill still be upset about it in the morning#if no one reads this#because i need the attention im so fucking desperate for the attention i need someone fucking anyone to see the real me#becauese no one does! not even me most of the time!#iiii might do something stupid tonight? if i do just know please that it wasnt rash or impulsive and that ive been wanting to do it for ages#i just need to be a stupid kid for once in my fucking life
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the like only other woman knight at the castle apart from seraph. her name is pennyroyal (or penny)
#talks#shes actually straight but shes like Hell the rumors already hold that im into women i might as well have been but alas#the gods did not make me so. ;)#knight oc
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the fact that the high table would be DECIMATED if it was prime john wick they were facing
#john wick#this man is constantly BATTERED#he gets beat up by iosef and his squad after his wife dies#so he’s both in a BAD mental state and physical state#second movie he’s practically homeless#fucking SUSTAINS BURNS#hunts down a WHOLE MAFIA#AND THE FIRST AND SECOND MOVIES ARE BACK TO BACK#so ALREADY#iosef and santino were facing against john wick who is NOT doing well#just imagine prime john wick like goddamn#im talking NO mental health problem#NO fucked up bones#NO head injury and brain damage#and he gets ACTUAL food#if iosef fucked with john five years earlier#the entire criminal underworld would be in shambles#santino would be DEAD just tomorrow after gianna#hell he might not even MAKE IT to the continental if it was prime wick#and prime wick could have reached sacre coeur way earlier#mf would have loaded that gun and beat the marquis#like this is exactly WHY viggo is so scared of him#the other antagonists do not get it#because viggo knows what damage john wick could do in his prime
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thinking about that fictional traumatized autistic middle-aged man again
#(nicholas rush)#well. really thinking about the autistic coding of that man. especially in the way that he communicates#and the ways in which he fails to communicate to those around him#and is often considered to be lying or untruthful despite being entirely sincere#but the ways in which he prioritizes information and then communicates said information to those around him is off-putting to them#and thus frequently untrusted#but the thing about nicholas rush is that he is a) autistic (i refuse to believe otherwise) and b) an asshole#so there are times when he is being a sketchy manipulative asshole. but that's not all the time#and there are vivid (to me at least) differences between his being an asshole and his actual (autistic) communication failures#differences that are not so visible to the other characters in the show. especially young. and i could go on and on about the ways in which#rush and young interact and (fail to) communicate. but that's a ramble for another post#but because young already has such a negative view of rush any and all communication issues. autistic or asshole. will be taken as#antagonisticly as possible. no benefit of the doubt. which not only adds conflict and interest to the story. but with the way it's portrayed#is so satisfying to watch play out. and also kind of relatable because trying to explain yourself to an allistic person is already hell.#trying to explain yourself to an allistic who doesnt like you? might as well leave me to die on an alien planet. thatd be less painful#anyway idk what im saying anymore i got so off track. i might write a more refined and coherent ramble about this at another time#but for now it's 1am and im sleep deprived#anyway#nicholas rush#sgu
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I havent really been into the current state of the JJK manga for a while, im at the point where its ending might hold some value for me as someone who was already invested in the characters but largely aside from seeing how a few things pan out I just really really couldn't care less.
that being said I have to thank gege for every new chapter giving us more and more good looking Gojos. the more feral and covered in blood the better, and hoo boy am I getting that.
#god can he just kill sukuna already tho. like idc about this I want gojo v kenjaku#im of two minds on the megumi thing bc I do think its weird that gojo hasn't had any strong thoughts about potentially killing megumi#(tho i do think gege is like. holding them back rather than ignoring them) but I also think the fandom forgets their canon relationship#like yeah its nice to imagine them as a wholesome family but I dont think they even think of themselves as father and son at all lol#guardian and ward morelike. and I do think gojo was a decent guardian but I also dont think that recently traumatized and also annoying#teen gojo was ever like. very emotionally available or comforting. not to say it shouldn't be expected for gojo to be upset about this but#also I think people can get a little too wrapped up in their wholesome family pics. bc for one you can bet your ass gege doesnt care about#tsumiki enough to consider whether gojo was technically her guardian as well and how he'd care about her fate. or even nobaras it seems#holding out for gojo to be simply repressing his feelings and it biting him in the ass later but idk#he DID look strained when realizing megumis soul recognized ultimate void tho :(((( that does make me said :((((((#anyways sukuna was a fine enough villain for me but ngl hes gotten a lil annoying likewhatevs dude idc. kenjaku is hells more cunty than you#normally I wouldn't mind his shallow motives and didnt bc he was a threat that contributed to the plot but now that hes out and running#loose hes just so boring idk. like you're just gonna fight stuff. ok. lame. kenjaku vs gojo might actually have some emotional weight to it#idc about this fight and idc about sukuna#like when gojo mentioned his students and they all grinned. that! that that that he cares about them ok gege!#jujutsu kaisen#jjk 230
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Every guy in Yakuza seems like they have enough social awkwardness for Tien to role his eyes at…
there's no feasible chance on earth any man can be more awkward than mountain man tien I'm Going To Hide From My Friends Every Other Year And Then For A Decade After Telling Them I'd Never See Them Again For No Apparent Reason And Only Coming Back Cause the World Was Literally Ending shinhan
#snap chats#i already hear someone go 'what about kiryu' girl he didnt last five years before getting involved again#jo's prob a contender tho. tbh.#anyway i just got back from the fnaf movie#first off please remind me to stop going out to places with kayla i might as well be going by myself#does not help that she walks slow as shit like bro dont make me walk this turtle-ass pace#good things came of the trip tho :) first of all im broke 🧍♂️ since when did movies get so expensive I DIDNT EVEN GET FOOD#i did get a kirby gacha tho :) inflation's starting to hit the gacha machines now too tho what the fuck 😭#last time it was less expensive than the time before and now this is the most exp its been......#wow its not just luck on what you pull its luck on how much money youre dropping BYE#whatever i dont need groceries anyways. really i dont i swear i did all my budgeting this month already#on the bright side i picked up 25 cents collectively today :) might as well call me a millionaire already#ANYWAY someone give me an excuse to post the new kirby he's cute and his feet are a weird color#o my god i didnt even talk about the movie wait. fuck.#watching jp movies and media has been terrible for my us viewing experience cause it just makes it so abundant how.#AUDIBLE us movies are. and the camera cuts jesus fucking christ i could turn it into a drinking game#what's my verdict tho ????? tbh i thought it was cute. im still in awe of the suits tho if anything i give the movie full props for that#heh. props. get it. fr tho i love practical effects and yk what ill take it. cupcake was goofy as hell ngl but ill take it#highkey forgot coreykenshin was in the movie so it was cute being reminded he was there :) love him..#honestly it really was a movie for fans of fnaf already and i aint gonna act like i wasnt a fan of the series in its early years#def not a movie to watch on its own- not that the plot's incomprehensible otherwise but it prob just wont hit#like matpat and corey being there was neat and the credits song took me WAAAY back to when that song first dropped on youtube LOL#sorry ive turned these tags into a fnaf movie review. kayla didnt talk about it with me so i wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere LOL#im running out of tags Anyway i solemnly swear to only talk bout movies that ft mates that star in rgg henceforth <3#im lying of course. i dont know how to shut up <3 but ill shut up rn im making dinner. movie made me hungry for bacon....
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btw. i dont think i'll forget, but Just In Case, i DO have art (nothing crazy) i wanna post for the 16th. but i also have a lot to take care of right before then. so if you dont see it by like 6pm EST please yell at me bc i probably got busy and forgot
#6pm is a fine time bc all my stuff is due at 5pm so it wont be interrupting me. i have a meeting i have to go to at 9pm tho#i could just queue the posts but i might make some last second changes once i get a good look at them#(cant get a good look rn. i am posting on tumblr between writing capstone stuff to keep my sanity up)#i would love to log on and like. reminisce on stuff. but idk if i'll have the time or the energy :/#but i WILL reblog a bunch of old posts on this blog. you've seen them 20 times already but one more wont hurt#kjfhdg i love reblogging old posts#again i'll be busy and exhausted probably so idk when but it Will happen. even if it's at like 11pm#resistance day hehe :]#chat#i have like. one more section to write. but it's so information heavy aaaaaaaugh#im on page 12 (single spaced btw. hell) but i wanted to hit like 14 :( oh well hopefully it wont be a big deal#my draft was also 12 pages... but in my defense. i did choose to write my draft in full sentences for some reason#so i feel like that padded the size out a lot#12 pages is probably fine right-#i feel like the final should be longer than the draft but. man i lined out exactly what i'd be saying in that draft. u get what u see#YOU made the mistake of telling me my draft was fantastic. cant fix perfection amen (i hate this paper)
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retaking 3 exams in a day because uni said "hey lol since u paid late we will be deleting ur exams process! also, get a zero. also, no, that zero will be permanent. fuck you".
#college#university#studyblur#fucking hell man exams might be the death of me#i just... need to make it... until friday...#and when friday arrives... i will jump off a (remembers suicide is bad) trampoline. wee.#FUCK i truly hate everything these days#and worst of all??? ahaha. for the next elections in my country. im in the elective count table. hahaha. ha.#screaming and tearing my hair out FUCKKKKKK#AND MY FIRST EXAMS I DID SO WELL! THE FIRST TIME I DID THEM!!!#I GOT TWO 100S AND THE OTHER ONE WASNT GRADED YET#banging my head against the wall#screaming#considering dropping out. considering not doing it because it would be a waste of money and i have done two almost three years already#considering um frying myself. maybe serving myself on a plate? adding some salt?#not kms#i feel like crying and frustrated but cant cry#this is the straw that broke the camel's back#(in spanish it sounds more meaningful. la gota que derramó el vaso INDEED this shit is OVER)#and electricity cuts countrywide... wah...#considering??? no dropping out. no not dropping out. but a third mysterious thing.#considering begging someone to beat the shit out of my university administrator + fuckass hipster teacher
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i cannot and will not be getting over luosty choosing mikksy as the guy who scores the first goal in the homeopener and trying to keep a straight face about it and failing
bless his brattiness and his "im gonna make fun of mikksy" face
#luosty is so terribly bratty and it comes up in the funniest of ways#and mikksy lets him get away with it every single damn time because hes so whipped#luosty knows who are the easiest victims and uses that knowledge liberally#can you believe its mikksy i sure can#i just think theres merit to the queerplatonic we somehow got quitely married without realising it until we woke up in the same bed#and your pet was snug between us and in my groggy state thought this is what family feels like type of relationship you know#the i dont really cuddle like this but you bat your eyelashes at me and say oops i shouldve asked if it was okay before you cuddled up to my#chest but you dont make any effort to move and i dont particularly mind as much as i thought i would but i dont say that and instead say#“its fine. youre already there. might as well” and i hope to god you dont feel how fast my heart is crashing against my ribcage right now#but it doesn't particularly matter when you fall asleep a couple of minutes later and i sigh in relief-type of relationship#the we came from the beach and its nighttime and you get cold easily so i shuck off my extra layer and tell you i run hot and i was feeling#stuffy anyways despite the fact i was feeling the night chill as much as you do but its fine when i have my arm around you#i dont really feel cold at all-type of relationship#the i get embarrassed easily and you know that which is why you tease me to hell and back in front of new friends you introduce me to so#they know im not as intimidating as i first appear and really im just terribly awkward#and i fall for the bait you set out everytime-type of relationship#representation and all that
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