#like if your problem is a lack of respect for women and their boundaries and feelings therapy actually makes that worse not better

[pjharvey]

“men will literally [x] instead of going to therapy” very stupid meme. i hope none of u ever date an extremely therapized man. they unlock new levels of manipulating and gaslighting women and they have even less shame about it

[olderthannetfic]

Okay, I need advice: I'm in a very tiny fandom (like less than two dozen active people and everyone knows each other) and one of the women in it is kind of freaking me out.

We became mutuals because we had some good discussions on some of the characters we liked, but I soon became sort of uncomfortable with a lot of her online behavior whereas simultaneously she's DM-ing me more and more.

She's one of those people who's a hardliner on the issues she cares about (mostly feminism- and SA-related) while talking over people when it comes to issues she doesn't care about (mostly racism and related things). And I see a lot of her trying to intrusively police how other people talk/act, derailing people's posts, arguing with people online over the most stupid shit (where not even her own opinions come off as overly coherent - this week she'll argue something along the lines of "men are evil" and the next she'll argue that people are "demonizing masculinity" - I'll add for clarification that she's not a TERF and supports trans rights but boy... Does she sound like one sometimes) and then digging through people's profiles to find and publicize minor transgressions and bad takes, passive-aggressive vagueposting, and going into mental breakdowns over the most innocuous of online interactions.

TBH she scares me. As someone who suffered through toxic people getting overly attached to me, I genuinely sometimes get a physical reaction when I see her lashing out on the dash.

And she keeps initiating conversations! And sometimes I don't reply or bring the conversation to a natural closure and she keeps at it, or sends me random fics of hers to read that I don't have the heart to tell her don't interest me or whatever. And recently when she disagrees with something I reblogged she direct messages me to rant about it - with a lot of sort of indirect language because she doesn't want to offend me but I can see the intent. The last couple of times I replied politely because I cared about clearing misunderstandings on the topic but next time I'm just gonna tell her I dislike it when she does that.

I really want this person to stop interacting with me, to be honest, and all my polite hints to the effect go unnoticed. But the fandom is so small I feel awkward and uncomfortable about unfollowing or blocking her. I don't think she's too bad of a person, she just comes off as very... Mentally ill, I guess? And since I've tried to be polite so far I feel like it might come out of left field for her?

TBH I feel like something about her behavior also triggers some kind of freeze/fawn reaction inside of me that I don't often get and consequently don't know how to deal with.

So I need impartial advice because I don't see the situation clearly myself

--

To summarize, a person who is a walking red flag wants to be friends, and you can't easily ghost her because the fandom is small.

I think you have to accept that there is no low-conflict way out of this.

That's what's holding you back, right? You don't want more drama and you know it's coming. I think you already know in your heart of hearts that you need to get away from her even if it's a pain in the ass.

Step one is to stop responding to her DMs. That will probably make her reach out more, but you should keep not responding. If she escalates and attacks you over it, block her.

The more you offer reasons or try to gently hint, the more that will encourage her. I don't think that's true of everyone, but I do think it's the case here. This is both because it doesn't sound like she's good at perceiving or respecting boundaries and because she inspires a bad lack of ability to assert boundaries in you.

I agree that it's unfortunate that you can't stand up for yourself or tell her plainly when she's out of line, but since you can't and that probably won't change any time soon, you'll need to protect yourself a different way. Sometimes, we just have to avoid people who are bad for us even when it's an us problem. (And here, whoaaaa red flags, so I don't think it's just a you problem anyway.)

There are many sad, lonely, needy people in the world. Some of them are officially mentally ill in some way with a diagnosis. Some just need things they aren't currently getting. That sucks...

But it's also not your job to fix.

[sassylegshayne]

marry me, idiot. - chapter five

holy shit this chapter is nuts and kinda long but we have a lot to get through so I'm sorry?? idek what I'm apologizing for but whatever lmfao 🫶💓 enjoy!! mwah xx 3.1k words!!

series masterlist

Everyone noticed it the next day. You and Spencer worked beside each other in complete silence. Josh felt on edge as he sat at his desk across from the two of you, the lack of chatter in the background of his editing was very weird.

You decided to give Spencer space, he would tell you how he felt whenever he was ready to. You respected his boundaries, and he respected yours, and that was the problem.

Kiana wanted to tear her hair out by the end of the week because the two of you still hadn't fucking talked about everything. She's been stuck listening to both of you complain about just how much you miss each other and couldn't bring herself to do anything about it.

Jackie's hopeless romantic heart couldn't take it, she's was right under Kiana for your number two supporter. Jackie and Kiana had planned a brainstorming lunch in Friday, determined to help you two get together.

The hope was that you two would admit your feelings, fall even more in love, and live happily ever after, but if you're just friends again, it'll do.

Jackie had presented an idea that made the woman across from her squeal in excitement. Kiana quickly set up a reservation as Jackie planned out just how she'd word her texts to you.

As soon as you had arrived home and parked, a message rang through your phone, the notification causing you to panic momentarily, your silence so suddenly interrupted for the first time in a while.

You didn't expect to be this lonely without Spencer. You had expected something, but you didn't think it would be this bad. You hadn't realized just how much time you spent with him until you were without it.

"hey, Ki's been super busy and I really wanna throw her a surprise b-day dinner at Buca's tn at seven if you can make it!"

Kiana and Jackie sat in their respective apartments, chewing their nails in anticipation for responses as Spencer received the same message as you.

The girls' facetime call felt silent as Jackie watched the both of you begin typing simultaneously, an eye roll well deserved before you both agreed, causing the women to cheer in excitement.

You rubbed your face, groaning as you agreed. Spence and you could put things aside for Kiana, it wouldn't be fair to her if your declined just because Spencer would be there.

Of course he would be there. It'd almost be weirder if he wasn't there. Honestly, if he didn't show up a piece of your group would be missing.

You took a deep breath before heading inside and getting yourself ready, pushing thoughts of Spencer to the side. Kiana was your priority tonight.

You'd been so wrapped up in all of this mess that your best friends birthday had slipped your mind, usually it was your forte to plan the gatherings, but it completely slipped your mind.

Ki's birthday was three days away, but Monday's are always packed for everyone, so dinner tonight, and you would bring her a cake and do a whole thing at work. Plenty of time to plan.

Spencer adjusted his grip on the steering wheel once more as he pulled into the last empty parking spot, letting his forehead rest against the wheel as soon as he shifted into park. His palms had been sweaty and shaky since he'd texted back Jackie earlier.

His nerves were set on high alert as soon as he'd finished reading. He has to be there for Kiana, no matter what was going on between the two of you.

He'd almost reached out and asked your for a truce on the night, but he's not even sure what he'd be calling a truce for. Both of you having long forgotten why you weren't speaking, but both of you were too nervous to break it.

It seemed like the universe wanted to give you a little nudge when you look up from your phone, your eyes meeting Spencer's across from you.

A smile splays across his lips and quickly disappears, replaced with a tight-lipped smile as he offers you a curt wave, getting out of his car quickly.

Your grip on the door handle tightens as you exit your own vehicle, trying your best to bite your tongue, afraid of what you might say.

Your former best friend.. former? Current? Who fucking knows anymore?

Spencer falls in stride silently beside you, your head tilted toward the ground, eyes watching as your feet fall into a rhythm, steps synchronized. It was hard to separate yourself from someone when they become that intertwined into your life.

Your hands brush ever so slightly as you approach the host stand, a small smile across your lips.

"Hi, we have a reservation under Jackie Uweh." Spencer offers, his smile matches yours as he fidgets with his hands, mindlessly picking at his cuticles with his hands stuffed into his pockets.

He didn't know what to do in this situation. His hands are normally on your hips, or his fingers intertwined with yours, so the air between the two of you sat awkwardly, uncharted territory for the both of you.

You're quickly led to the table, your brows furrowed in confusion as the hostess grabs two menus, throwing your look over your shoulder at Spencer out of habit as he mirrors your look. The two of you sit with quiet thank you's as the menus are placed before you, the table clearly not big enough for anyone but the pair of you.

Realization sets in as you adjust yourself in the booth a bit more than necessary, your heart racing as you avoid Spencer's eyes as long as you could.

But eventually, you find yourself looking up from the menu, your eyes finding his glowing blue eyes already gazing upon you, drinking in every detail.

Spencer thought he might tell you everything he's ever wanted to, until your waiter gives a bubbly introduction, noting the recent engagement between the two of you.

Your cheeks burn as you bashfully thank her, your fingers fidgeting with the simple band on your finger, a habit you'd recently noticed. Yot quick to order, throwing on the appetizer you and Spence normally split as well, a smile tugging at his lips.

You settle your hands into your lap, smiling brightly as Spencer chews his lip, his voice barely audible.

"Hey."

"Hi." You smile, a weight lifting from your shoulders as you slump into the seat, sighing in relief. Spencer laughs a bit, fiddling with the napkin in his hands as he finds himself relaxing. Your laughter mixing with his like music to his ears.

He missed this so much, every part of it. He missed his lips pressed lightly to your skin, the softness of your skin as you brushed hair out of his eyes, the blush on your cheeks each time he looked at you.

Spencer knew he couldn't make it through this dinner without teling you everything, now he just had to accept that.

It was time to throw everything he had at you, no longer concerned with holding back if he was going to confess. So he shook himself a bit before reaching across the table, taking your hands into his.

Your eyes trailed from your hands, up Spencer's arms, detailing every tattoo you wished you could trace until you meet his eyes. You were glad to be seated, worried your legs would buckle under your weight right now.

You were always flustered by Spencer, but this was on a whole new level. Butterflies danced about your stomach as your heart raced, you felt like you could pass out from sheer excitement as you squeeze his hands gently.

"I can't go without you for that long again, that sucked ass." You laughed softly, smiling as Spencer nodded in agreement.

"I never realized how little talk to anyone else, my phone hasn't died at work once, either." You grinned, ducking your head down in embarrassment. You had a bad habit of sending Spencer tons of stuff while seated next to him, rapidly draining his battery.

"I don't want it any other way, Y/N, don't worry." He was quick to soothe you, knowing that you might mistake his admiration for anger. He thought it was the cutest shit ever.

"Spencer, I don't wanna go another day without talking so can you please tell me what was wrong the other day?" You bargained, brows furrowed as you tilted your head at him.

Spencer stiffened, his hands leaving yours as your drinks and appetizer arrived, the relatively slow night allowing for quick service.

You smile as you slide a small plate in front of Spencer. Your waitress is quickly behind, happily taking your entree orders before disappearing back into the kitchen.

The moment was lost as you two grabbed bites of spicy shrimp and fried calamari, but the tension remained clear. Your hands brushed a few times as you made small talk, unaware of when the next interruption should come.

"Okay," Spencer began, noting your waiter preparing to take the order of a large party, taking his opportunity when he could. "Listen, I'm sorry didn't tell you sooner, I want you to know that I really regret that."

You nodded slowly, encouraging him to continue as you sipped your wate, unsure as to where this could lead.

"You're my best friend' Spencer grinned, sighing softly as you reddened once more, his heart racing as he wiped his palms on his pants. "You know that. You mean the absolute world to me, Y/N. You're the person I really do wanna spend the rest of my life with."

"Tve spent years by your side now and wouldn't trade it for the world. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." He took a deep breath, smiling softly as his heart pounded in his chest.

Being in love with you has been the easiest thing in his life, it just feels so right, so perfect. Now all he could do was hope that you felt the same.

"I'm in love with you, Y/N." Spence spoke, biting his lip, eagerly awaiting your response. He felt like rything in his life had brought him to this point, even with the gentle push, or shove, from his friends.

You open you mouth to speak, your eyes wide and mind still reeling as your best friend sat before you. This wasn't a day you'd ever expected to see, and Spencer seemed so calm about it.

"It's all cool if you don't feel the same, I promise, dude." Spence spoke right as you were about to begin, causing you to chuckle nervously.

Spencer felt like there was a spear in his heart as you laughed, he was prepared for rejection but that was brutal.

You lean across the small booth, placing your hands lightly on Spencer's cheeks as your lips meet his.

The kiss is short and sweet, but the years of sparks were there. Everything you had ever wanted and more.

You're caught off guard by quick movements behind Spencer. A server rounds the corner, your own following behind with a soft smile.

Please don't walk this way... fuck.

You settle back down, smiling softly as Spencer meets your eyes with a dopey grin, slumped back into his seat. You kick his foot gently beneath the table, laughing as your waiter approached.

Spencer's mind was left in shambles, as was his heart. You didn't say it back, but you kissed him. You fucking kissed him. He had never been more confused and thrilled in his life.

As you open your mouth to speak, a plate is set before you, a smile whine leaving you as your face falls. You didn't want to wait, you wanted to say it back, but doing so over a view of your server's arms wasn't the right time.

The both of you were polite yet curt as you assured the server that you two would be okay, no refills, no cheese, thank you so much, oh my gosh will she ever leave?

Spencer was honestly still very surprised with the set up from Kiana and Jackie; pulling one over on the both of you deserved recognition. Granted, you were both extremely focused on each other, the outside world in a fog.

"You talk too much but I'm in love with you, too, Spencer." You grinned, the words tumbling from you as soon as your privacy had returned, your heart racing as you stared at him.

Spencer froze like a deer in headlights as he looked up to you, fork and knife resting upon his lasagna, prepared to take a bite. He was quick to set down his utensils, shufling a bit in his seat as he coughed a bit.

This was the best case scenario that he still didn't see coming. Spencer had assumed for so long that you loved him, just not in the same way. It was throwing him off to even think that you could.

"You do?" Your brows furrowed, laughing softly as Spencer questioned you.

"Yes, I do. I love you so much, dude." He grinned as you spoke, his eyes sparkling. "I love everything about you and have for a really, really long time."

Spencer nods, the grin unable to leave him as he takes his time to process everything. You've loved him for a long time, so what are the odds that you two fell in love around the same time?

If he could go back in time and kick his own ass, he would. There's no telling where you'd be right now, if only he'd told you sooner.

You felt like you could run for days with all of the excitement and nervousness coursing through your body. Everything was tingly as your hand met Spencer's, fingers intertwining as your heart raced.

"Okay:" Spencer chuckled, nodding as he finally spoke, unsure of where to go from here.

"Yeah," You nod back, laughing as you began to eat. "I'm happy."

The awkwardness was something new. Everything between the two of you before had been natural and felt fine, but there was a new, different air of tension hanging between the two of you.

The dinner continued on with lots of giggling and blushing, your small touches that had gone previously dismissed where now front and center in your mind.

Spencer was touching you every chance he got; his hand holding yours, brushing your hair out of your face, his knees endlessly bumping into yours beneath the table.

It felt like the first time all over again, Spencer knew he's set himself up to fall in love with you all over again. Everything felt different, everything felt new.

"So," You began as you dug your spoon into your shared chocolate cake, mentally comparing it to Josh's. "Do we tell everyone or do we keep this a secret?"

A grin immediately spread across Spencer's face and you could practically see the lightbulb going off above his head.

"Let's keep it a secret until the wedding." You set your fork down, slowly nodding as you finished your bite.

"Well, that certainly is an idea, Spence." You chuckled, covering your mouth. Definitely doesn't hold a flame to Josh's.

"I actually think that could be fun, but if we fold, we fold, okay?" You placed your elbow on the tabletop, pinky poised as you stared down your... boyfriend? Undecided.

Spencer nodded eagerly, grinning as he wrapped his pinky with yours. "We can be friends, at least, right?"

"Yes, obviously we can go back to normal but I guess.. yanno, couple stuff can stay in private." You laughed as you spoke, your cheeks burning brightly as your eyes darted everywhere. You quickly dug for another bite as a way to keep yourself quiet.

It was a strange territory for both of you. Neither of you had ever expected to be here, especially with the circumstances surrounding it, so navigating it was difficult.

"Okay, so we are a couple." Spencer stated, though it sounded more like a question. He took his turn at blushing as you nodded eagerly, a grin across your face.

"Yeah, we're pretending to be engaged, actually engaged, and secretly dating. I think it's pretty simple." You laughed, as Spencer nodded.

"I'm sorry, that's on me." He held his hands up in defense as you two dug back into the cake.

The office seemed to have a strange air when you arrived the next morning. Saturday's were normally pretty empty, most shoots wrapped earlier in the week, and videos prepped well ahead of the weekends.

The usual small group of cast and crews were there; Josh sat at his desk, headphones in as he edited an upcoming video for the Games' channel featuring Shayne and Spencer.

You smiled as you settled into your seat, your eyes glancing to the clock. It was second nature for you to be early. It was far less stressful than being late.

Spencer, on the other hand, strolled in fifteen minutes late, two coffees in hand as he sat beside you. You finished editing the audio of a particularly loud scream of Shayne's, thankful for the excuse to remove your headphones.

You sighed, setting them aside as you smiled at your boyfriend. Your best friend. Spencer. Holy shit, your best friend is your boyfriend, holy fuck.

It was obviously going to take you quite a while to get over all of the butterflies, if you ever do. Finally getting what you've yearned for for so long was definitely weird, but you could get used to it.

He grinned at you, leaning in as he presses a soft kiss to your forehead, setting your cup before you.

"Hi, love" You smiled, taking a sip as Spencer chuckled softly. As you turned to him, you caught sight of Jackie strolling very, very slowly past the open office door.

Jackie waved, grinning brightly. The two of you reluctantly wave back, you tried your best to hide your giggles.

You shot her a playful glare as she froze for a moment. Spencer turned to look over his shoulder, a disappointed look across his face.

She raised her brows, offering two thumbs up. You finaly broke, laughing as you nodded your head, mirroring her pose. You glance to Spencer to find him shaking his head with a furrowed brow.

You shove his shoulder softly, laughing as he turns back to you, a grin across his face.

"I think she got the message."

[beneathashadytree]

I have an idea (based in real life, dont judge me).

Mc is too shy to finally have her first time with her boyfriend, so always things get spicy she try to dodge it (like "whoa look at the time IbetterGo,LoveYouBye"), after all she is a 23y old virgin who never even kissed someone before bc she was the school loser and had a hard time to approach ppl even for group work, so she doesnt know how to do the thing without shaking and want to throw up, its even worst they already have previous experience with it, she fears being a disappointment. The lads notice shes seems to be avoiding it and the intrusive thoughts tell then bad things (like that she doesnt want them and all), so they text her to talk about it (and maybe when they know they try to make her feel loved?).

It may seems strange its just that i dont have anyone to talk about it, and all media just make stories about "normal" girls that are bold, confident, and have cool friends and family like a normal person and experience things at a normal age without being afraid to even talk. Sometimes i dream that i have a nice boyfriend full of love (like the lads) and my "strangerness" inst a problem, you know?

(To anyone else reading this, my requests are still closed!! These are just old requests I had in my inbox🫶🏽)

Hi nonnie!! This is a very personal and heartfelt request you’ve sent in, and I am honored that you chose to confide in me.

I just want to let you know a few things, before I link the SMAU. First off, there is absolutely no need to feel like you have to fit in with the people around you when it comes to your sexual life. And there is no shame in being a virgin with no experience, I in fact embrace it as much as I can!! We’re not in a race to prove to others how action-packed our personal lives are. It all comes down to your own comfort with acts of sexual intimacy. That’s more important than anything else.

Secondly, please take the media you consume with a grain of salt, because they tend to represent only what they feel like representing at the moment. It’s a fickle industry, and capitalizes off of women’s insecurities by highlighting how they are “lacking” or enforcing standards for society to accept them. You are certainly not obligated to follow any bullshit they tell you you should do as long as it doesn’t make you comfortable.

The right person who loves you will absolutely respect your boundaries and never question them. They would only want to better understand you, so they can ensure that they’re making you feel as safe as can be. You’re not “late” at doing anything, you’re going at your own pace—which is the perfect pace made just for you!! We all go at different speeds. No two people are the same.

Sex positivity means two things: not slut-shaming people who are sexually active, and no looking down on people who are abstinent. For whatever reasons you choose your lifestyle, it’s your own and you should be proud of it. Please don’t force yourself to take more than you can bear mentally and physically🙏🏽

I posted the SMAU over here, and I hope it does your request—and your personal experience—justice💗💗💗💗

[warningsine]

I know I've talked about this before, but I will repeat myself.

On screen chemistry isn't absolute or tangible; it's subjective.

It's in the eye of the beholder. A Rorschach test if you will.

Yes, the viewers can often read subtle signs of attraction between two characters, but whether or not it grabs them depends on their own attraction and life experiences.

Yes, studios generally know which pairings appeal to which demographics and hire people who will work hard to cultivate a romance that will result in said studios getting more money.

Yes, there are chemistry tests and intimacy coordinators as well as casting directors who look for signs of attraction.

Yes, actors are trained to open up to intimacy with complete strangers and often take their personal romantic/sexual responses and flirting into account. Sometimes they even improvise.

Yes, what is captured during filming can be cut and edited several times.

But whether or not one identifies--or "relates" as fandoms, that love turning attraction into an academic study, say--with one of the actors/characters is a significant factor.

Demographics like age, gender, orientation, race and education play their own parts, e.g., see how women viewers on here see Shiv Roy vs. how guys on Reddit see her.

But even two people from the same demographic group can have different opinions because they're not a monolith.

Other contributors? How one feels about the pairing's situation, their judgment about whether or not they're well-matched and their perception of their beauty (which is, unsurprisingly, also subjective).

Sometimes the script, direction and the story itself can have an effect, too--even when two actors don't get along off screen. Because at the end of the day, it's not about them. It's about the audience.

Some couples are considered better simply because they're more likely to engage more fans than others. Some because they're hyped and promoted more. See: how actors give PR responses and act like their characters in interviews, all flirtatious and shit.

Secondhand knowledge here since a friend is an actor:

There are on screen kisses that look convincing and hot but are in fact lukewarm (how the actors experience them). Others that feel icky regardless of how the audience perceives them, e.g., because your acting partner ate a sandwich with garlic before kissing you or because you hate their guts. Last but not least, there are others that are supposed to look contained, but are lustful.

Because of this, actors who lack proper training or boundaries can create problems on set--especially if they don't respect, listen to and engage with their partners.

And the same goes for the other individuals that are present. Imagine being naked and filming a sex scene in front of a skeleton crew of, say, 10 people. Some dgaf and can't wait to finish their jobs and go home. Others get voyeuristic. One thing is sure: sex scenes are not as sexy as viewers believe them to be.

But back to the audience.

To some extent, some viewers project their own longing, love and lust aspirations onto the on screen couple. Does their appearance/situation/behavior appeals to their tastes? You'd be surprised how one's projected fantasies can create illusions of passion or revulsion out of thin air.

After all, chemistry isn't necessarily a romantic/sexual thing. Friends and relatives can also have chemistry. You often notice it when people, e.g., siblings communicate with looks alone, because nothing needs to be said. How they subtly react to what you're saying and vice versa.

[thuganomxcs]

✩ — 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒.

▸     IS  YOUR  MUSE  TALL  /  SHORT  /  AVERAGE? Average but on the short side of that.

▸      ARE  THEY  OKAY  WITH  THEIR  HEIGHT ? Not at all, Yusuke wishes he was taller, not even six feet but at the very least five-eleven.

▸      WHAT’S    THEIR    HAIR    LIKE? Soft on most days. Contrary to popular belief, Yusuke's hair IS NOT drowned in gel 24/7. Especially after school was over. The pompadour really was just to sell the fact that he was a delinquent. Once he was down with school Yusuke dropped the gel unless he was attending a pretty extravagant party.

▸     DO    THEY    SPEND    A    LOT    OF    TIME    ON    THEIR    HAIR    /    GROOMING? Nah, it's just a few swipes with the comb and he's good to go.

▸      DOES  YOUR  MUSE  CARE  ABOUT  THEIR  APPEARANCE  /  WHAT  OTHERS  THINK ? Not really, if people had a problem with his appearance then he's the type to get in their faces so they could 𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙠 about it.

✩ — 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒.

▸     INDOORS  OR  OUTDOORS? outdoors.

▸     RAIN  OR  SUNSHINE? rain.

▸     FOREST  OR  BEACH? beach.

▸     PRECIOUS  METALS  OR  GEMS? metals.

▸     FLOWERS  OR  PERFUMES? ....flowers.

▸     PERSONALITY  OR  APPEARANCE? personality.

▸     BEING  ALONE  OR  BEING  IN  A  CROWD? crowds are far too noisy, he'd prefer to be alone

▸     ORDER  OR  ANARCHY? what's wrong with a little anarchy?

▸     PAINFUL  TRUTHS  OR  WHITE  LIES? painful truths all day.

▸     SCIENCE  OR  MAGIC? take a rabbit outta your hat.

▸      PEACE  OR  CONFLICT? for a man that loves to fight he'll still side with peace.

▸     NIGHT  OR  DAY? night.

▸     DUSK  OR  DAWN? dusk.

▸     WARMTH    OR    COLD ? warm (women wear less).

▸     MANY  ACQUAINTANCES  OR  A  FEW  CLOSE  FRIENDS? please, a few close friends.

▸     READING    OR    PLAYING    A    GAME? playing a game.

✩ — 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐄.

▸      WHAT    ARE    SOME    OF    YOUR    MUSE’S    BAD    HABITS? Lack of respect for personal boundaries, impulsiveness, hardheaded, perverse, procrastinator and stonewalling.

▸      HAS  YOUR  MUSE  LOST  ANYONE  CLOSE  TO  THEM?  HOW  HAS  IT  AFFECTED   THEM? The first person he truly lost was his Ancestral father and to be honest he was confused on what he felt. As he stated himself he was more than ready to hate and disregard this person because of what he had to deal with in his life. But even during their first meeting, the man MIGHT have been aggressive but he was more of a father than Yusuke's actual human father and that's what has him conflicted. He felt that Raizen had been stolen from him before he's gotten the chance to ever get to know him and THIS spawns a certain aspect to Yusuke's character where he would bond with strong older male figures. A way for him to find the father that he desperately craves.

▸      WHAT  ARE  SOME  FOND  MEMORIES  YOUR  MUSE  HAS? Playing in the park with his mother when he was VERY young, the first day he's ever met Keiko, the night of his wake when he realized that there are people that cared for him..they were few but it was enough, the first big mission success being a spirit detective because he''s not only saved the souls of children but perhaps there's actually something HE can do with his life, there was a day Genkai took him out in the forest and taught him how to survive off the wilderness.

▸     IS  IT  EASY  FOR  YOUR  MUSE  TO  KILL? Too easy actually, and it's for this very reason he keeps his powers locked away, so something like that would never happen in the general public.

▸      WHAT’S  IT  LIKE  WHEN  YOUR  MUSE  BREAKS  DOWN? Yusuke is repressive by nature, While people will probably never see him break down (unless they're a lover or something) he does really get distraught. Everything he's withheld for so long all comes spilling out simultaneously and Yusuke just weeps sometimes.

▸      IS  YOUR  MUSE  CAPABLE  OF  TRUSTING  SOMEONE  WITH  THEIR  LIFE? Yep, and if that's your muse then they should really consider themselves special because putting his life in someone else's hand is definitely not something he practices often.

▸      WHAT’S  YOUR  MUSE  LIKE  WHEN  THEY’RE  IN  LOVE? He's not really THAT much different. He's still incredibly rough and perverted but all of his perverse antics will be aimed towards the person he's in love with. They would also receive random meals throughout the week, bento boxes too.

tagged: @adversitybloomed (thanks for tagging yo boy)

tagging: @infintasmal (botan), @universestreasures (yugi), @monmuses (yuri), @belovedblossoms (mitsuri), @fatexbound (rise), @crimsontwins (sera), @eternalbxtterfly , @chibitantei , @electricea , @ofhardknoxxx , steal it homies

[ysabell]

If another WOMAN is able to get CLOSE to your MAN, she's not the PROBLEM, HE is. The fact that another WOMAN feels so welcomed REFLECTS on your MAN'S BEHAVIOR behind your BACK because no WOMAN can DATE or get closed to your MAN if he didn't allow it.

Never COMPETE with another woman over a MAN. If he makes another WOMAN feels like she stands a chance with him, let her have him. You don't want someone that EVERYONE can have.

A GOOD MAN will place you ABOVE other WOMEN, he will RESPECT your FEELINGS and SET BOUNDARIES because he knows that CHEATING causes emotional trauma to any RELATIONSHIP or MARRIAGE. You are not a REHABILITATION CENTER for an unfaithful man. You cannot keep a GROWN MAN because you love him, rather a GROWN MAN keeps himself because he loves and RESPECT you. Nothing keeps a man who doesn't want to be kept. Stop fighting another woman over an IRRESPONSIBLE man, you will end up belittling yourself because of a MAN who doesn't value your EXISTENCE.

Stop tolerating cheating just to keep a MAN, the ENEMY of a woman isn't another WOMAN rather the ENEMY of a woman is the irresponsible man who lacks discipline and respect for his woman. Having a man isn't an achievement or trophy until you have a man who values you, respect you, appreciate you and who gives you PEACE OF MIND.

Truth is if another WOMAN STEALS or SNATCH your MAN, there's no better revenge than letting her keep him. REAL and GENUINE MEN can't be STOLEN or SNATCHED. God just saved you from a COMMUNITY MAN, A DEMOCRATIC PENIS, A MAN OF THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE, BY THE PEOPLE and WITH THE PEOPLE.

[northwest-cryptid]

honestly, I'm not sure if it's a great response to the whole "normalised lack of privacy" thing but, I've learned to treat the web like the fair folk and its done quite well for me.

May you have my pronouns? no, they're mine fuck off.

I don't necessarily think you're in the wrong for that if I'm to be honest. Though I think the big thing for me is that we've sort of normalized this general lack of boundaries and 180'd on the entire idea of protecting your identity. Which is primarily what bothers me so much. Like if someone wants to get to know me and they're like "hey I don't know how to refer to you in a respectful manner and I don't wanna assume" sure that's fine whatever right?

But then you also have people who are like "if you don't have your pronouns listed I'm going to assume you're some right winger who thinks pronouns are dumb" and I just... what?

When I was young (unfortunately a long time ago) there was literally classes in school where we were taught a lot of shit about internet safety, and I think he problem that caused is that it kinda backfired, like people will talk a lot about pronouns and the like and I think that's honestly such a point of like... non-issue in the grand scheme for me.

Because here's the thing, we were taught in elementary school that you essentially shouldn't give away your personal information online. Online was a place for you to exist by an alias, you were not you; you were whoever you wanted to be. But you never were to give out your information, the problem was they taught this in the most cliche kind of way...

"What if that cool kid you're talking to is ACTUALLY AN OLD MAN!"

Which is cool (<- Sarcasm) because it absolutely reinforces the idea that: - Old people are somehow inherently predatory to young people, so remember young people NEVER BEFRIEND PEOPLE OLDER THAN YOU! - Men are dangerous because old women would NEVER be a predator, only OLD MEN!

Aside from the general problems with this listed above, it was generally a good practice for ESPECIALLY young kids in elementary school. However this idea that people online were all fakes that were lying to you was really funny because it just wasn't true about 90% of the time. Were there absolutely predators on the web? Yes of course! Is it good to teach children they might encounter a predator? Yes of course! The problem however was basically that this amounted to teaching the kids that everyone online was lying to them, something they wouldn't believe after the first like 15 people they run into are actually just... exactly who they say they were more or less.

Like sure "xXBloodKiller93Xx" isn't ACTUALLY a thousand year old vampire in the body of a 16 year old emo guy who listens to Linkin Park and My Chemical Romance... but he IS actually a 16 year old emo guy who listens to Linkin Park and My Chemical Romance... and let's be honest, unless you were like 6 you probably didn't believe the vampire bit anyways.

So after you've encountered like 30 of these cases the one time the 12 year old who talks like a 30 year old, but is a little too on the nose about how they type like a kid and doesn't actually know what's cool with the kids... well they just kinda seem like a weird kid you don't really want to hang out with anyways because they're not really fun to talk to. Ironically most minors I knew when I was a minor were actually into older people anyways and were more likely to fall victim to predators who were older and didn't lie about it; I know this from experience since I was groomed by a woman from the US Navy who was literally like 25 when I was only like 15-16 and got offended because I felt uncomfortable getting naked on skype video calls with her. She never lied to me about who or what she was and when I was young it was cool to have a hot navy girlfriend who would do sexy stuff with you online. So unfortunately groomers didn't have to actually work hard the way many many schools and media taught us they would. They could just kinda walk up to horny young kids who didn't know better and say "hey I'm a hot older person who will do sexy stuff with you" and many of us were like "oh shit fr?!" Except we didn't talk like that.

Anyways my point with all of this is that school and media hammered this teaching into our brains that we need to watch out for predators pretending to be kids, pretending to be one of us. Only predators didn't do that, and despite the fact that you could be literally anyone online many people just chose to openly be themself. Which as you can imagine lead to a lot of that "the kid you're talking to is ACTUALLY a predatory adult" teaching feeling really cliche and dumb and by proxy we began to ignore more and more of the safety shit taught to us because it wasn't applicable to the real world.

Then Facebook happened :D

As soon as the centralized web hit a lot of advertisers understood they could finally collect a lot of data on what people were doing and advertise to them directly in ways that were actually profitable because if they know you were just at the apple store, and they see you've been posting about wanting the new iphone; then they can market apple products to you knowing you're actually an apple customer who is more likely to actually act on buying that product.

However advertisers don't just have access to your data like that; because that data doesn't belong to the public, it belongs to people like Facebook, who make money off selling that data to people who want to throw ads at you.

But here's the thing... if you're trying to advertise to people, you need them to be real with you because you can't very well advertise to a dude who is claiming to be a 50 year old vampire when he's actually a 16 year old. If he's talking about his swords and guns and how much he loves being in the military, you're gonna think you can sell him swords and guns and military stuff. Truth is however he's literally just a 15 year old edgelord who plays COD and doesn't have the money nor the legal ability to purchase any of what you're trying to sell him.

This is why Facebook started to crack down on accounts with fake names, which is hilarious by the way because believe it or not as a Native American many of my family members couldn't use facebook without creating a fake name because we don't actually have last names and Facebook thought our names were fake or made up. Fun little bit of racism right there.

But now people are being incentivized to be honest about who they were online. Gone are the days where we could use an online handle and a profile picture of something we like or an anime character to be anonymous online. Now more and more of the people using the internet are people who came in during the era of the centralized web, they have no idea why someone would bother to hide their information.

Which is hilarious for a lot of reasons due to things like the purity culture of the centralized web which I've spoke on a few times on forums and the like but not really ever gone too in depth about here.

Essentially now you have this really funny sort of culture where everyone thinks any honest and good person would have nothing to hide, so the idea of using an alias and not giving out literally ALL your information must mean by process of elimination that you DO have something to hide and therefore we use fear of social consequence to enforce behavior. We actually do that a lot here on tumblr as well and it's really stupid and annoying, because we'll never actually have real progress unless we're able to determine flaws in our philosophy and fix those flaws. However I digress, my point is that this has become the norm to such a degree where now it's almost viewed as childish or unprofessional to use an alias.

Which is also really stupid because until the centralized web came around being professional online was kind of a joke, typically the only real professionals online weren't occupying spaces like social media.

the tl;dr is that the one deviation of the norm became the new norm and with it came a culture that enforces the norm through social consequences and as a result even new users of the web or younger people are picking up these habits of the culture which is honestly not great since the original point of that sort of teaching of the culture was to literally keep young people safe. Now they list not just all their personal info about where they live, how old they are, what their pronouns are, what their likes and dislikes are; what fandoms they are in, but also their damn triggers? Like If you want to hurt someone you know exactly how, when, and where to do so.

Anyways I have a lot of thoughts about this but I literally just woke up not too long ago and barely finished my coffee so my brain isn't necessarily kicking into high gear to write comprehensive essays on the subject.

[juszar2]

What is the condition that people grow resentment if you do not set aside your boundaries and let them all through your life. Being private, guarded and cautious causes them to want to be inside of the toilet while you disrobe and sit on it. Somehow stalking is their urge. They are so obsessive and really sick. This low life has certainly seen and witnessed just how stalker/hater/scorn people become over me. Could be minding My business and the tactics and stalking becomes severe. Resentment and jealousy. He has definitely seen.

Or I'd get folks, usually female to stand around and pray for an opportunity to see me or stand on the other side of a door where I am and speak.... Really to me, without speaking to me. What is that? I always thought that to be so unsophisticated, really stalker like and just low and child-like. Those females that do that are really common and lacking a whole lot. What were they taught. Not my type for friendship or company. Find out you're nearby and then stand on the other side of a door or close enough and try to get my attention desperately. It is really small of them. I remember some of the things those types have said when doing those performances and I wonder why they don't feel unwell. Or just stupid and lowly. If you have something you must in dire need say to me why not come ask to speak to me and say it. That way, I can take my turn and say some things. The answer is that your gripe or problem with me would reveal you and is really a problem with... You, because it is unwarranted and stupid. The truth is that your feelings regarding me being guarded and private cause you upset. You want to let me know of your scorn. But....... Isn't it ironic that your performances wherein you attempt to disrespect me as a dire attempt for attention really does reveal that Yes, there was absolutely the need for me to be guarded and boundaried. You are trying to harm me for..... Nothing. Because I have not served to let you get beyond my wall where I watch out for types.... Ironically like You that put on such opportunistic performances. You proved to be what I considered to be possible, but admittedly didn't lean toward you being. While still distant, I'd given you more credit than you actually deserved. You proved me wrong you really are one of those. But it's OK because that's why common means common, you are among many. Count me out though because I would never... It's beneath me.

Beyonce could be in the same room or building with me and never would I seek to look in her belongings or invade her in any way. I definitely do not want to see her nude. What is this surge in homosexuality with females. She wouldn't even need to be bothered by me. I am respectful, preserve dignity and there is not a sick nor obsessive bone in my body. I have met sick freaks with mental conditions lacking any real character. What is this whole "if you don't let me pocket you, I will have resentment and show how sick I am and how I was raised really wrong" I fear that even if you watch someone be raised, that does not mean it was done well and you only need to give them the opportunity to show you that. I have been shocked by what I have seen. There is something wrong with people. I am sure that there is what is not trash out there... I created some, but when I see the opposite of that, it is something to see.

I do love when God let's me meet and get to know great women to counter my experience. I thank god that I know some good, decent, dignified, respectful, real and practical, wise women. Women who would side eye some crap like that. Why am I so different and where the hell are more of me? If I spoke more of some of these garbage experiences that I've had in life, I wonder who or how many have encountered these same sick things. That would likely be my tribe. It might only happen to a certain segment of woman... Real woman

[heavenforblog1111]

Important note: Here the term 'nice guy/girl' is being used to describe a person who lacks boundaries and does things to gain other people's approval. It is referring to those people who are taken advantage of because of their niceness. I by all means want you to be a good person who has morals, ethics and does the right thing. Being nice is good if you are not suffering the bad effects which I will be mentioning down below. People pleasing is one of the most common problems that has existed in the history of mankind. The question is why is pleasing people a problem and since when did being a nice person become uncool. People pleasing is the biggest problem for the individual who is a people pleaser. It is often linked with low self esteem and issues with self acceptance. There are women out there who define their value from fixing a man who is abundant with problems. There are men out there who want to shower a spoilt woman with more love, affection and gifts only to receive nothing in return. Nice people should understand that the first person they should intend fixing is they themselves. It is about understanding why one adopts these mechanisms anyway. The are several problems that occur when one is a nice guy/girl: 1. Inability to say 'No': Nice people have a hard time saying no. This often leads to problems where in they perform favors to people which they end up regretting later. Imagine someone asked you to lend them a 1000 dollars and you had problems saying no to them. Later, that person may not return you your money and you might feel guilty asking that money back because you are a nice person. 2. Being taken advantage of: Nice people go out of the way to help others and other people don't mind asking for more which nice people oblige to because in their mind being nice is a virtue. However, it leads to further exploitation. 3. Being taken for granted: Often nice people are taken for granted. Ironically this is very true even though they do everything they can to gain the validation and respect of people. The thing is often nice people think that in order to be accepted they have to act this way. This is their way of providing value to people. There are issues routed deep in their self esteem which they haven't come to terms with. So, if by any chance you happen to resonate with the things that I have mentioned, I think you might want to look at your own psyche as to why it is the case. Often times, when you question one thing, it leads to the next which leads further and further and then you start to understand a lot of things about you. My personal takeaway after studying this behavior like I mentioned earlier is that these people have issues in their own acceptance and self worth. Do you really want acceptance from other people at the cost of your own peace and integrity. Do you really want favors from other people because you feel you can't get them on your own? Do you really wish to compromise your own worth because you are scared of rejection? There is a difference between being a good person and being a nice guy who has no boundaries. It is important to understand that like I mentioned in the note above. You have to do the right thing because a good person does the right thing. A lot of times the right thing is to say 'No'. A lot of times the right thing is to cut people off. A lot of times the right thing is to have your own interests in mind especially when the other person is doing the same. So, understand what is right and what is not. As long as you are doing the right thing you don't have to worry about offending people. When you accept yourself you don't need acceptance from others. When you rely on yourself instead of hoping others would help you for being nice, you become self reliant. Understand where the balance lies and strike the right balance in terms of how you nice you should be and under what circumstances. Don't be an unnecessary jerk who troubles people for the sake of not being labelled as a nice person.

Anyway guys, that was all I had to say. Hope you enjoyed reading. Let me know your opinion in the comments below. Pic: Kurapika from Hunter X Hunter

[toxictrait1986]

DEAR LADIES..

If another WOMAN is able to get CLOSE to your MAN, she's not the PROBLEM, HE is. The fact that another WOMAN feels so welcomed REFLECTS on your MAN'S BEHAVIOR behind your BACK because no WOMAN can DATE or get closed to your MAN if he didn't allow it.

Sisters never COMPETE with another woman over a MAN. If he makes another WOMAN feels like she stands a chance with him, let her have him. You don't want someone that EVERYONE can have.

Listen, a GOOD MAN will place you ABOVE other WOMEN, he will RESPECT your FEELINGS and SET BOUNDARIES because he knows that CHEATING causes emotional trauma to any RELATIONSHIP or MARRIAGE.

DEAR LADIES, you are not a REHABILITATION CENTER for an unfaithful man. You can not keep a GROWN MAN because you love him, rather a GROWN MAN keeps himself because he loves and RESPECT you. Nothing keeps a man who doesn't want to be kept. Stop fighting another woman over an IRRESPONSIBLE man. You will end up belittling yourself because of a MAN who doesn't value your EXISTENCE.

Stop tolerating cheating just to keep a MAN. The ENEMY of a woman isn't another WOMAN. Rather, the ENEMY of a woman is the irresponsible man who lacks discipline and respect for his woman. Having a man isn't an achievement or trophy until you have a man who values you, respects you, appreciates you, and who gives you PEACE OF MIND.

Truth is, if another WOMAN STEALS or SNATCH your MAN, there's no better revenge than letting her keep him. REAL and GENUINE MEN can't be STOLEN or SNATCHED. God just saved you from a COMMUNITY MAN, A DEMOCRATIC PENIS, A MAN OF THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE, BY THE PEOPLE and WITH THE PEOPLE.

[monriatitans]

The Love Languages: Including the Autistic Ones

Wednesday, April 17, 2024

The Love Languages: Including the Autistic Ones

Respecting Schedules and Routines

Respecting Space

Physical Touch

Problem-Solving

Memorizing Details

Acts of Service

Words of Affirmation

Info Dumping

Receiving Gifts

Quality Time

Parallel Play

Now, before we proceed, I’m aware of some of the history behind love languages; if memory serves me correctly, the person who came up with it was using love languages to explain why women should have subservient roles. I would argue he’s right, for the wrong reasons. He’s right, despite being an asshole. Well, the Germans have a word for people like him, “waltersobchakeit,” which means, “You’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole.” “Love languages” explain a lot, and has helped a lot of people, but, because he was an asshole, he “missed” a lot. When an autistic person is on the receiving end of the ��main” 5 love languages, as Morgan Foley put it,

“You are not showering me with love; you are showering me with anxiety.”

Due to the lack of understanding of Autism, we are viewed as “unempathetic”, when, in actuality, we’re simply different. And, due to our differences, we express ourselves, and our affection, differently. In the list above, and in the image, I, purposely, didn’t state which ones were the autistic love languages. However, if you look at them, you might see a pattern in how they were placed. For those who don’t, most likely neurotypicals, let’s break it down. Here they are separated:

The “Main” 5

Physical Touch

Acts of Service

Words of Affirmation

Receiving Gifts

Quality Time

The Autistic Languages

Respecting Space

Memorizing Details

Info Dumping

Problem-Solving

Respecting Schedules and Routines

Parallel Play

They’re all the same thing, worded differently. Here’s how I paired them up and here’s where I’m going to be a bit snarky:

Physical Touch / Respecting Space Right from the start, I see the issue of love languages being used to exert power over someone, most likely a woman. AND there is truth to the fact some people like physical touch and see it as a sign of affection, giving and receiving it. And there are also some people who don’t like touch. Now, I understand some people feel if they aren’t receiving physical touch, they feel unloved, but if you know full well the person you want touch from doesn’t like touch, how are they the ones being unreasonable? By respecting the space of those who don’t like touch, you’re showing love. And someone who respects your space, your boundaries, in general, is showing love. Respect, at the very least.

Acts of Service / Memorizing Details Here’s where I see the issue of love languages being used to justify women belonging in subservient roles comes into play AND I see where there can be a healthy application of it. Instead of it being called “acts of service”, how about we change it to “showing kindness”. There are people out there who show their affection through acts of kindness, and autistic people tend to be those types. If they’re with someone who feels receiving gifts is a sign of affection, then they’re golden. And here’s where the autistic love language of “memorizing details” comes into play; how can you do acts of service for a specific individual in your life if you don’t remember details about them? Autistic people try to remember as many details as they can about a person they love, so, when you forget something about them, they feel unloved. You denied them a “service”. Don’t act like you’ve never felt hurt by it, too.

Words of Affirmation / Info Dumping / Problem-Solving “Words of affirmation” is NOT mine; in fact, they annoy the shit out of me. “Good job!” The fuck, am I 4? HOWEVER, if you want to talk for hours about your favorite thing, which is info dumping, go for it. Share your excitement with me! I might do the same thing with you if my ADHD hasn’t pulled me away from the conversation! And if you have a problem, bring it to me! We’ll fix it together! If all you want to do is vent, and do nothing about it, I suggest you get a journal so only your time is wasted. And, hopefully, you reading through your journal entries will spark you wanting to do something about the problem. Then tell me about it. “Here’s how to fix the problem you’re having” whether you want to problem fixed at the time or not, is, “I love you.” Wanting to help, is a sign of love. You’re welcome.

Receiving Gifts / Respecting Schedules and Routines For those who don’t know, autistic people thrive on a predictable routine. Morgan, quoted earlier, gave a decent example in her “How autistics show affection” video, linked above the quote; if she knows someone in the house takes a shower at 5:00pm every day, she’ll make sure the bathroom is available at that time. Autistic people thrive on predictability. As a result, many don’t like surprises, especially surprise gifts. So, if you want to surprise an autistic person you KNOW doesn’t like surprises, it can’t be a full-on surprise. Do what Morgan’s partner does for her and give a hint at what they will be surprised with. What’s a little funny about this is many autistic people also like to surprise people with gifts. Why? Go back to item 2.

Quality Time / Parallel Play Most neurotypicals think if you’re not doing something together, then it’s not quality time. Which is why “parallel play” is not recognized by most as quality time, let alone play. Yet there are times when people think parallel play is cute. For example: when Mr. Frederickson and Ellie, in the movie Up, are sitting in the living room, reading, they aren’t doing anything together. They’re in the same room, doing their own thing. If you think it’s cute then, but someone wanting to do their own thing while you’re in the room doing your own thing isn’t “quality time”, you have some unpacking to do.

We can talk about the creator of the love languages being an asshole, but it doesn’t change the fact the usage of love languages has helped people. Susan B. Anthony was a racist misandrist, but that doesn’t mean we get to drag women’s rights back to 1864. We also have to remember the creator isn’t the only individual who ever used their love language to try and take advantage of someone. The bullshit idea that women “need” to have sex with their husbands so they know they’re loved has been spread around for, probably, longer than I’ve been alive.

In addition, women have been saying for, I know, longer than I’ve been alive how they feel unloved, on top of unappreciated, when their husband doesn’t do their fair share of the housework. Now we have names for that. And, like any other communication tool, it can be abused. And, since autistic people have a hard enough time communicating, let’s not take tools away.

—

Well, this is all for today! Thank you for reading! May every decision you make be in the spirit of fairness and may the rest of your day NOT go to $#!7!

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[luckyclover]

Many of the behaviors that society socializes us all to interpret as caring, attentive, passionate and romantic can actually be warning signs of abuse.

Note that one sign alone does not always mean that abuse will follow, nor will these signs always appear in the beginning of a relationship:

TOO MUCH TOO SOON: Partner pushes for instant closeness and does not allow relationship to grow at a pace that is comfortable to you.

Examples: Partner praises you constantly and puts you on a pedestal. They want to live together immediately. Partner wants to care for your children and disciplines them early in relationship (instead of honoring your role as their parent).

Initially, you may feel swept off your feet. Yet, this shows your partner’s lack of respect for boundaries.

CONFUSION: They change expectations or guidelines, thus keeping you guessing how to please them.

Examples: Saying they want you to work, but criticizing every job opening you apply for. Wanting to go out to dinner when you spent all day preparing their favorite meal.

INTRUSIVE AND CONTROLLING: Partner consistently wants to know your whereabouts, who you were with, where you were going, when you were coming home.

Examples: Constant phone calls, showing up at friend’s homes unexpectedly Initially, this may make you feel missed and cared for, but actually, these are signs of suspicion and distrust.

ISOLATION: Partner insists on spending all or the majority of your time together, cutting you off from friends and family, making fun of your interests in other activities.

Examples: Calling your friends derogatory names (“sluts”, “stupid”); discouraging you from keeping in touch with family or friends; discouraging you from doing activities apart. Not providing child care.

Initially, this may make you feel wanted and needed because of all the time and attention devoted to you. Actually, this cuts down your resources (family, friends), so when you need them, they may not be there for you. Do they respect your need to have space or have time alone?

POSSESSIVENESS AND JEALOUSY: Partner constantly accuses you of sexual interactions with anyone in your life (friends, teachers, bosses, counselors, etc.). Accuses you of flirting; monitors how you look and what you wear.

Examples: Makes statements like, “I want you to be all mine”, “I don’t want any one else looking at you”, “You look like a whore with that make up on”.

Initially, jealousy may seem like a demonstration of partner’s love, but it actually demonstrates partner’s willingness to treat you like an object, or a piece of property. Uses jealousy as an excuse to isolate.

PRONE TO ANGER: Partner is easily angered, has rapid mood swings, unpredictable behavior; anger is out of proportion to the incident.

Example: Partner’s anger is directed toward a pet, possessions, objects. Partner may kick the dog, destroy something of yours, rage at you if you’re five minutes late. It is important not to ignore what may seem like even small overreactions. It is not acceptable for someone to use aggression to get their point across, regardless of how angry they are, or how they’ve dealt with their anger in the past.

UNKNOWN PAST & RESPECT FOR WOMEN: How has your partner treated previous girlfriends? Does your partner use derogatory or disrespectful language about women in general (bitches, whores, sluts, etc.)? Does your partner have stereotypical beliefs about gender roles?

Examples: Partner makes statements like, “she’s got nice tits”, or “women are good for just one thing”; or does things like pinch your body parts in a humiliating or uncomfortable way. Partner is physically and/or emotionally abusive to other people (their mother, ex-girlfriend, service staff). Blames past partners for all problems.

It is important to take the “mystery” out of your partner’s past, like talking to partner’s former girlfriends. Be in touch with your feelings -- how do you feel when your partner degrades the gender of others? By degrading an overall gender, your partner is also degrading those who identify with that gender which may include yourself.

SELF-CENTERED: Partner always focuses on their own wants and needs. They ignore your wishes.

Examples: Orders for both of you at restaurants. Interrupts you when you are speaking. Decides that you will go to a movie that you clearly do not want to see. Tells you what you want (without asking you what you want).

DOUBLE STANDARDS: Partner expects others (and you) to live by their standards, yet he/she doesn’t live by them.

Examples: Buys an expensive stereo, but criticizes you for buying new shoes. Calls you a slut for having slept with your partner, yet they have slept with many partners.

ALCOHOL & DRUG USE: While alcohol and drug abuse doesn’t cause a person to be abusive, these problems often coexist. If they are engaging in drug abuse (an unhealthy behavior), there is a strong tendency for them to also be involved in other unhealthy behaviors, such as abuse. Additionally, drugs and alcohol can decrease a person’s inhibitions about using violent behavior.

Examples: Hides alcohol/drug use. Makes excuses why they need to drink or why it is okay. They had a bad day so they deserve to celebrate.

BLAMES OTHERS: Partner doesn’t accept responsibility for their actions.

Examples: Blames police for their DUI or domestic violence arrest. Says you provoked them into yelling, pushing.

INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL BEHAVIOR OR DEMANDS: Partner pushes you to engage in behavior that is uncomfortable or painful.

Examples: Not allowed to use birth control. You only have sex when they want it.

If you think you are in an abusive relationship:

Above all, trust your gut feelings and intuition. If you feel uncomfortable, be cautious. Take your time and check out your thoughts and feelings with supportive people.

Be aware if you are making excuses for your partner’s behavior or if you are minimizing his/her past. Discuss with a supportive person what warning signs may be difficult for you to acknowledge.

Know that abusive people choose to use manipulation, intimidation, and abuse to gain power and control over their partner. Pointing out these warning signs to an abusive person will not change them. In fact, they will probably deny them or accuse you of being abusive. Use caution, as they may become violent when confronted with information that challenges their control.

[veritasss5]

I truly understand your position and I want you to know that you and your gift of tarot reading is truly appreciated in this community. As well as all of the other readers. I agree that half/some people need to do self work and they base their self worth on relationships. But it is another half of us that aren’t young/freshly graduated. We’re in our 20’s and are already in our career, we’ve worked on self love, and are just ready for the next step. Some people I know in this community feel as if their purpose is to be a mom and have a family. And I believe we should respect that just like we do career women. I think life can be very disheartening and sometimes it feels like dreams won’t come true or people are running out of time. So, this readings give the mom a glimpse of the possibility. But they read them, and go on with their day. It doesn’t affect them one way or another. A lot of people ask for future spouse readings because they don’t need guidance on their career or self progress. They’re exactly where they want to be in life in those subjects.

I appreciate that you took time to express your point of view, which is quite refreshing to see, and now I understand why you made those points.

Pardon me that I lost a little bit in this conversation, but what are you trying to express? Defending the other half that I never mentioned or say that we shouldn’t stop doing fs reading because of the other half that I just called out? Good for some people that can find some glimpse of guidance and help, but I don’t think I said something against those that already have something in mind and they just want to have fun with fs readings? Fun is absolutely welcomed but with some degree of self control and don’t let these love readings get addictive.

Here is my point of view:

In reality I see more people that have insecurities in both love and career stuff plus lack of self work. The half that I am talking about are obsessively searching for external validation and love because they can’t find that love in themselves.

Let’s put this example: if someone managed to find their fs, do you think they are able to keep a healthy relationship with them while never addressing their traumas, issues, insecurities, etc? And then problems arise and the worst outcome is Y leaving X, and then they will ask the tarot readers questions like when they are gonna get back to their exes. And then the unhealthy cycle of bingeing tarot readings starts again, until they find that tarot reader that actually calls them out and tries to wake up X.

You said for some they look tarot readers as their mom or family figures, well the best way to describe me is I am that harsh and strict mom that wishes that in a harsh way to let people realise that what they are doing is not benefiting themselves.

You said that people don’t need guidance for career and work, well that applies only for a few in my personal view and experience. People tend to prioritise love because of how romanticised love is in this actual society. There is a whole discussion about it and I am gonna link it so you can take time to read since there are tarot readers’ opinions as well.

I just added that tarot readers should be first the one to have firm boundaries, so they can avoid to be frustrated.

LINK of the discussion mentioned.

Thank you so much for staying polite and civil instead of rushing to insult me without a concrete argument. I really appreciate that you took time and managed to read my point of view with respect as well♥️

[darkbearsoul]

If we accept the science, then two adolescents forming a relationship with each other is one thing; it’s a different kettle of fish when one partner in the relationship is significantly older. Conflict is one common reason, but sometimes it involves other reasons that mean ending a relationship with someone you still care about. This is one of the most difficult parts of figuring out how to break up with someone you love. Even if you are the one ending the relationship, there will be a period of heartbreak, sadness, and pain. But no matter how broken the relationship is, officially ending it will cause pain on both sides. We all wish that we could end relationships without any hurt or pain. For instance, if your parents expected you to get married and live close to them, you might end up arguing with them over your decision to stay single and move across the country. Move stencil; repeat until the walkway is as long as you desire. Avoid saying "let's stay in touch." To move on from romantic relationships, you need to avoid further emotional entanglements with the ex-partner. Maybe try Bumble, where women rather than men must make the first move.

If the breakup is a surprise for the other person, they might try to argue, protest, or give reasons why you should remain together and try again one more time. Even more important, ongoing conflict can actually have a negative impact on your health and longevity. Most of us enter relationships with the hope that we will never have to end them. It is up to you to consider the personality, needs, and feelings of your partner as you read through this article and figure out how to end things. Relationships end for a wide variety of reasons. There are important differences when working with relationships in an Access web app. It can also be a significant source of stress in your relationships or stress at work. Elizabeth Scott, PhD is an author, workshop leader, educator, and award-winning blogger on stress management, positive psychology, relationships, and emotional wellbeing. If your business receives a lot of positive reviews, you can use it in your marketing. Conflict over money, caring for elderly parents, or family business of any kind may arise over the course of a sibling relationship.

Today, many comprehensive CRM platforms integrate all parts of the customer relationship the business may have. Dogs have the reputation for being social, goofy and lacking a certain understanding of personal boundaries. Being in a relationship is about building trust and finding compromises to begin blending your lives together. שיחות סקס In general, people want to know why they're being dumped. You still care about them, but you need to remind yourself of the reasons why the relationship isn't working. Partners or spouses often fight for common reasons including money problems, one partner feeling a lack of affection or intimacy, decisions related to childcare, how to spend leisure time, and issues related to in-laws. Common causes for breakups include personality differences, lack of time spent together, infidelity, lack of positive interactions between the couple, low sexual satisfaction, and low overall relationship satisfaction. While "you're terrible in bed" or "you lack ambition" might seem like an honest answer, it doesn't really preserve your partner's self-esteem or dignity.

Your partner deserves the dignity of a face-to-face conversation. It's easy to forget how the other person might feel when we are so caught up in our own emotions, but it is essential to avoid centering the entire conversation on yourself. Other times, you feel that the other person isn’t doing what they "should," but you aren’t aware of exactly what you want from them, or if it’s even reasonable. In general, it can be difficult to set boundaries with loved ones, and sometimes, even more difficult for them to respect your personal boundaries. Even though you and your partner are a couple, you have to respect that they have a life separate from you in their city. If the two people already have the same type of herpes, no problem for dating. Why do the same to another person? Sometimes you feel angry or resentful, but don’t know why. Why and How Do Breakups Happen? Express your sadness at the breakup and share some good things about your time together.

[mirrors-are-green]

Sometimes I'll just be going around in a good mood and then I remember that the atheism movement had been taken over by anti-catholic white liberal european men and I'll be sad for the rest of the day.

Like, the main arguments are about stopping SCIENCE and PROGRESS and NEW TECHNOLOGY and just... nothing else? Also making Middle Age people out as really stupid and barbaric and backwards

And they believe and propagate stuff like "the church prosecuted Copernicus" "they killed Galileo because he refused to believe in their dogma" "the Christians burned the Library of Alexandria, thereby stopping The Progress for hundreds of years" "the Greeks knew about atoms and were 100 short of scientific revolution but then the Christians showed up" "the church just ignored the proofs that the earth is round because it conflicted with their worldview"

I'm not saying the church is good. It isn't. But for many years, they were the only state actively, continually taking care of the poor, sick and orphans. They gave poor women a chance by becoming nuns. They patroned many artists. Saying that they were evil, especially during Middle Ages, when there was no alternatives like pacifism, feminism, or even socialism, when the Enlightenment and their ideas about the boundaries of state's power were not a thing, is really just showing lack of understanding of history and respect for it (and pushing our modern views into the past).

In my opinion it just really shows what their problem with religions really is: not a disagreement with justification of violence by some unprovable merit (God's approval), unchecked active power being beyond scrutiny by the very design, but just... stupidly not supporting your favourite science man, even if EVERYONE KNEW they were right