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dlamp-dictator · 1 year ago

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Okay, so I told myself I would try and get Railway done by the last last week of Season 2 since I was still mostly dicking around with my teambuilding and not making anything meta out of stubbornness, and that day is quickly approaching. Originally I was going to be lazy and just use W Corp because Charge is busted, I have Don Telepole, and I will play Meta if it means getting through a bad/annoying series of fights over with faster.

However.

I also want to at least try and be original and do something a little out of pocket, to beat this challenge my way using strategies and units I personally like using or want to use. To that end, before I ultimately cave and just Uptie 4 Warp Don for the mother of all Charge Teams I wanted to give Railway an earnest go the way I'd prefer to. And my inner Hod is acting up this week so I'm going to try and built a (Non-N Corp) bleed team.

Keep in mind I'll be bring all these units to Level 35 over the week and possibly going to Uptie 4 a few of them, namely Ryoshu and maybe Meursault. I wanted to hear the fandom's opinion before I dive into this.

That said, here's the quick summary of this team.

Yi Sang is here for Crows Eye View to buff Don and Meur's clash/coin power with that much needed haste boost.

Don is here for her good clashing numbers and declaring duels.

Heathcliff is actually more on support than a mainstay since I don't feel like dealing with his ammo.

The Zwei IDs are there to tank and Faust fuels her own Fluid Sac.

Outis is an emergency tank/rupture gal.

Ish is here to support Yi Sang's sinking if need be.

Okay, onto the breakdown.

Yi Sang: Yi Sang is going to be the on the active team is probably the most important member of the team. Along with his good clashing and Sinking application for chip damage, Crow Eye View practically required for this team so I can boost Don and Meursault's speed and let them access their extra bits as they hit +7 speed. Sunshower being a good AoE ego also helps.

The Bleed Team: With the understanding that I'm going to be pushing hard with the bleed team characters like Kurokumo Ryoshu, Rhino Meursault, and Hook Hong Lu are a must. I was debating between Tingtang and Hook, but since I have little in terms of bleed potency already I went with Hook Hong Lu. I'm hoping that Hong Lu can put in the work for bleed potency, but I can't be sure sense I only use him in mirror dungeons at the moment. I know Steam Machine's gonna' be a pain with their Bleed-Cap, but that's what Seven Outis, Molar Ish, and Yi Sang are for in case the first round with it feels too tedious. I'm tempted to put Heathcliff on the bleed team, but I'll be saving him for when I really need his Quick Supression since I can not afford to lose an expensive unit like him early on. and I can actually do stuff with his support passive with this team.

The Tanks: From what I've gleamed Zwei Faust and Zwei Gregor sync well with each other, and I'm gonna' need some damage sponges and Aggro because I can NOT afford for ANYTHING of the DPS units to die in this run. Everyone is too vital to go missing save for maybe, ironically, Rabbit Heathcliff. Faust is especially useful since she fuels her own Fluid Sac and the only thing we're really hard pressed on is Envy, but overall have units with good clashing so it shouldn't be too bad.

The Extras: Rabbit Heathcliff is here to get 45 Sanity on the first boss, then spam the shit out of Quick Supression to delete Steam Machine ASAP. Ironically, he'll be the one I'm saving until maybe the third or fourth cycle. I need at least one DPS unit I can switch out at any given time and Heathcliff is too valuable to risk losing early on. This is the same mentality I have for putting one Seven Outis and Molar Ish. Seven Outis is mostly here as an emergency unit with good clashing just in case I either lose a tank near the end or when I feel like I'll really need that spammable base EGO rupture chip damage. Molar Ish is there to help support sinking with Yi Sang along with also having good clashing power. Mostly emergency units at the end of the day.

The Supports: I have no good Rodion or Sinclair IDs, at least for Railway, so I'm gonna' be using base Rodion's passive and if I have the thread to spare I'll Uptie Zwei Sinclair for his surprisingly decent support passive. Heathcliff is ironically on the support team too since he can boost quite a few of my units with this time with his pierce boost, namely Yi Sang and Ryoshu, but Hook Hong Lu might get some usefulness out of this too if I play my cards right (or wrong).

And... that's the team. Any thoughts so far? Anyone I should Uptie 4 first before I dive in? Is this actually going to be possible or am I'm just screwed and should Uptie 4 Warp Don for MAXIMUM CHARGE TEAM to get through this?

#your dictator is speaking #limbus company

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namelessweapons · 3 months ago

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@jacks-manidiary

I'm going to break my own rule about engaging with engagement on the post, partially because it's my blog so I can do that if I want, partially because I do want to address parts of this. Under a cut for length.

I'm going to apologize in advance because I always do when I type anything lengthy, I'm aware that I can sound blunt/curt, it is not you, it is the nature of needing to translate my English through three other languages in various ways to get the end result. Again, if I was angry or upset, I have a very very heavy block finger, and if I were annoyed, I would block.

I'm very glad that you haven't been privvy to the fact that the word has been made completely useless, I mean that, it isn't sarcasm, if I wasn't so deeply aware of it, I would not have made the post or new word, but this is actually an issue; there are even other people in the notes expressing their own frustrations with it. I'm glad you encounter it rarely in Genuine and Serious Alterhuman spaces, but not only do I, but I get to see it a lot, because I run one of those spaces, which means I have to look through the applications to those spaces, which means I know that of the applications we get (many), most of them end up being tossed out for not being religious in nature.

The final straw in regards to needing a new word for Me was seeing a group of Religious Fictkin be actively reprimanded during an extremely large Alterhuman event run by people who (claim) to be very serious about it, for very politely saying 'hey, this is a spiritual thing.'

Again, I'm glad you rarely encounter it, genuinely, but I do encounter it, constantly and consistently, to the point where you may notice that now many people are using things like 'ID' or more popularly now, 'IRL' to denote that they, to paraphrase, 'Are not Fictkin because I don't have delusions and don't choose my kintypes', if you haven't noticed that, I don't know what to tell you, we're different people with different experiences.

I've re-written my response to this bit a few times, in an effort to try and say what I'm about to say without it coming off as purely assholery, because it isn't intended that way, what I'm about to say is completely in good faith.

When it comes to the term 'Fictionkin' that isn't my concern anymore, since I've made the personal choice to distance myself from it for my own comfort, it isn't my place to say whether you are Fictionkin or can or should use it.

If you mean the word I've coined for myself here yes? It seems very straightforward to me, you have a spiritual/religious origin, the term Fictotheism has nothing to do with whether you chose to reincarnate into this life. If you think you can choose your past lives/kintypes, then no, the word isn't for you, it has nothing to do with whether you chose to incarnate into the life you are living here and now.

If that seems unclear, then I will try to very quickly make it simple: If you believe you chose to incarnate into this life, or any past life, and you consider it spiritual/religious, then yes, the word applies.

If you do not believe your roots are spiritual/religious, or you go 'Oh, I would never choose to be from [media]' then no, the word is not from you, even if you chose your past lives when you incarnated into them, the point is that you did not choose to be from them here and now, you have no control over being from them here and now. I hope this clarifies the point.

But more importantly: It was a word made by me, for me, for my comfort, if I bake myself a cake I am concerned not at all whether it is delicious to other people or whether they may be allergic to the walnuts in my cake, I am graciously offering other people a slice of my cake if my cake sounds tasty to them too, but it is my cake, and I am personally indifferent to whether people other than myself like it or feel comfortable with it. If someone comes into my home and tells me I baked my cake wrong, that my cake is gross, or that I should not have baked my cake, then I am pushing them out of my kitchen by beating them with a broom and asking why they broke into my house and why my dog didn't bite them on the way in.

My frustration is borne of my own experiences, it exists, it's self justifying, and I have done something personal to make my frustration lesser while also making it clear that I will be forcing my choice in anti-frustration measures on no one, but that I will no longer be using a word I no longer feel understood or comfortable in using, you're welcome to reply to my frustration, but the root of my frustration is borne of personal experiences, so it does not unfortunately, change the frustration outside of making me feel as though I am being told the root of my personal frustrations does not exist and that it is wrong of me to wall off my garden and apply liberal weedkiller.

#txt

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spectraspecs-writes · 2 years ago

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Check out this spam email that made its way into my inbox

[Image description: A screenshot from my email. My name was in it, but that has been replaced by black boxes. The subject says " [redacted] log into Facebook with one click". The sender email address is "security at facebook mail dot com". The email itself reads: "Hi [redacted], We noticed you're having trouble logging into your account. If you need help, click the button below and we'll log you in." The button reads "Log in with one click". Below that is a gray box that reads, "Why did you receive this email? There was an unsuccessful login attempt on your account. If this wasn't you, let us know" with an embedded url on "let us know." /end ID]

Now, why am I showing you this. It's not funny. But I figured I should say what it is I see when I look at my spam and how I know it's spam even when it ends up in my inbox.

First hint, I don't have a Facebook. That's right, boys girls and miscellaneous flora and fauna, this is my only social media. (I have a twitch that I use to watch my gf stream, and the youtube that I put long videos on to post elsewhere, and a discord. But this is the only place where I interact with people I've never actually met, the strangers of the world.) And I deleted my facebook back when it was easier to do so. And I don't just mean the account is gone. No. I deleted every picture and post. I think I still have a dummy account that I used to get coins on Nyan Cat Lost in Space, but even that uses an alias. Not my real name, which is what I redacted.

Hint 2, the sender email address. Most automated email accounts are something along the lines of "do_not_reply at company dot com". I wouldn't put it past a big company like facebook to have a dedicated security dnr email, but "facebook mail" is not the domain they would use.

Hint 3, the logo, or lack thereof. While gmail's spam folder will delete logos, remember it was in my inbox at first. Based on a cursory google search, real facebook emails don't look like this.

Here's what that cursory search also revealed:

The first link shows an email that looks just like the one I described above. But again, I don't have a facebook, so If someone wants to log into a blank account with no friends, no posts, no pictures, no information whatsoever, be my guest because I guarantee I'm not the only "real name" out there. There are a bunch of "last name"s out there that aren't even related to me. So there's no "good name" for them to besmirch. The article is also from 2019, and facebook has... hmm... CHANGED since then.

The second link is from October 2022, and mentioned "facebook protect", which I've never heard of because I'm one of the cool kids on the internet who doesn't have a facebook. I am admittedly shocked to learn that facebook really does use the "facebook mail" domain, but uh. alright.

The next thing I would do if I hadn't already kicked this puppy out of my email is hover over the links. I didn't do this for all the reasons mentioned above, but that's also a pretty good way to tell.

in brief: When in doubt, kick it out.

#the adventures of specs' spam #spam class

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entropy-sea-system · 10 months ago

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1 - Were you named after anyone ?

No, unless you count that some headmates share a name with their fictional or real source if they are a fictive / factive or -kin

2- Last time you cried ?

I think maybe last week?

3- Do you have kids?

No and we don't want any

4- What sports do you play / have you played?

Only tae kwon do, like years ago if referring to consistently doing it. I don't like the idea of it anymore bc sparring reminds me of physical abuse and its too triggering. Have a weird relationship w exercise since we have chronic pain and fatigue, don't like intentionally doing it and even daily tasks like walking leave us exhausted, and even things like going for a walk thats a bit longer than we can results in PEM(post exertional malaise), last time that happened we just fell asleep for over 12 hours once we got home.

5- Do you use sarcasm?

Some headmates do, some don't

6-Whats the first thing you notice about people?

Irl its usually their clothes / accessories or hair, for some reason it feels a bit weird for some of us to look at ppls faces or other things about them especially if theyre strangers idk. And things like voice and how they smell are not things one would notice at first glance (unless maybe you hear or smell them before you see them)

I didnt realise it also includes what you notice online, but I usually recall pfps or urls but if someone changes both it may not be likely Id recognise them again unless their description or bio are intact

7- What's your eye color?

The body's eye color is very dark brown, some headmates have different eye colors in their actual form / how they really look, which is different from how the body looks

8- Scary movies or happy endings?

Depends on how its written, but usually happy endings bc we don't like scary movies as they can make us more anxious when its dark

9-Any talents?

Not sure if hobbies count, anyways nothing unusual ? Not sure what to put here bc everything feels like its either a hobby or just how the body is

10- Where were you born?

India

11- Hobbies?

Art (drawing, painting though we havent done that in a while)(mainly traditional art but want to do more digital art also), knitting, embroidery, watching media, sometimes photography (but less often bc it can be physically exhausting), coining terms and making flags digitally, sometimes cooking (though not often unless we need to bc its physically taxing), occasionally singing (but we don't often get to be alone at home so not often)

12- Do you have any pets?

In headspace, some headmates have pets, mainly bc their fictional source has one and theyre fictives. But we don't want to raise a pet bc we aren't capable of it and most headmates don't have the ability to feel affection for pets. Its similar to why we don't want to have kids.

13- How tall are you?

5 foot 4 is the bodys height, headmates ideal forms have different heights than that

14- Favorite subject in school?

Biology (one of my in sys partners calls me their 'biology nerd' its cute), and maybe English, because I do enjoy writing, oh and definitely Art (not talking about college here but anyways yeah)

15- Dream job?

I don't know if we have one tbh.. its a little hard to actually want to have a job, if it were possible we wouldnt even have one (universal basic income when?) and it seems a little fucked up if we think about what if things we enjoy doing became a job for ua bc wow that sounds stressful. For now we're going to just try to do our best in the field we're studying to be in, but I think maybe doing commissions for art or selling our art sounds doable, especially if I develop better art skills. I used to have an interest in wildlife biology but the bodys parents didn't approve (and so I couldnt pursue any study in that - it would have been difficult) and like I dont know how easily one can be a scientist and still be financially stable or even have a job, but our physical ability has also declined and the topic sort of triggers one of my ocd themes due to how ive seen some ppl talk about wildlife biologists / other naturalists, so its not feasible unless I somehow become able bodied or find a workplace w accomodations and actually get ocd cured somehow(similar applies for marine biology), and even then im not sure it would be worth the burnout.

no pressure tags : @strawbiraptora @sluttytylerdurden @annapoofle @disasterdemi @gehe-lihiyot-androgynos-varda @theconstellarium @gestaltsystem

@carebearbro

and anyone else who wants to do this

Saw this tag game on another post and thought I'd do it (idk if I've done it before, maybe something similar, but my answers will be different anyway)

1. Were you named after anyone?

Nope My chosen name (Allister) however, is from a youtuber who has a very cool name and I stole it (Alasdair Beckett-King, very funny videos and he has great hair too). I adapted it a bit so people in Spain would at least have an idea of how to pronounce it at first glance (hopefully) It has nothing to do with any Crowley (which I did not realize was a thing until recently), tho for a bit I named myself AJ like Good Omens Crowley, but I don't like how it sounds in Spanish...

2. When was the last time you cried?

Last month probably

3. Do you have kids?

No. And I don't want any. I don't dislike them, but it's not for me

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Judo, karate and football (the indoors kind). All as a kid/teen. Now my brother and I walk every week day and go up and down stairs (when we remember...) One day I want to try to go to a gym to get some muscle, but not too much, just a bit of definition. Also, I'd enjoy doing rock climbing, but not competitive climbing or anything like that

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Sometimes

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Irl: the way they move their face and hands when they speak, which then I subconsciously use to recognize people, bc I'm a bit face blind Online: the way they choose to express themselves

7. What's your eye color?

Gray/light blue on the outside and artichoke green/lime on the inside

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I like both, but I'd rather watch a happy ending. For scary things I prefer to watch Markiplier's scary games videos

9. Any talents?

I'm VERY good at jigsaw puzzles

10. Where were you born?

East of Spain, by some of the best Mediterranean coasts 😁. I enjoy it here, but one day I'd like to live in the UK, at least for a bit, I think I'd like it there

11. What are your hobbies?

Listening to music, singing, making art (crafting, building, drawing, painting, writing, ...), watching media (shows, panel shows, youtube, twitch), video games (rhythm/dancing, platformer, puzzle... Also minecraft, powerwash sim, potion craft...), going for walks, exercise, learning languages (especially English) If I had any good ones close, I'd go to theatres and museums too. And, if I had money, I'd travel. I'm also slowly learning about taking care of plants

12. Do you have any pets?

Not yet. I'd love to have dogs, cats, frogs, snakes... or anything really. I love animals. But I think cats and frogs would be the best fit for me, considering my personality and current lifestyle I've always wanted a dog, but I've only had a turtle and a hamster

13. How tall are you?

1.63m or 5’3”

14. Favorite subject in school?

Biology and technology

15. Dream job?

Anything that pays me enough to be independent and let me do all my hobbies Although, if I ever have the patience, base skill, and required mental fortitude, I'd go for general robotics and/or prop making (for film and/or theatre)

No pressure tags in no particular order (I tried to tag as many people as I could, but apparently there's a tag limit 😅):

@swamp-communism @they-thespian666 @strongsuits @skelesona @shinekittenace @yeetmewithachainsaw @rockium-z @gordonzola-ramen @vampireopossum @libraryfag @frostytheduck @tetostar @xyrnys @normalscientist @dolltwink @anxi0usgh0st05 @piersgender

@mettatonsass @sinfulauthor @flaretheidiot @sneebles-mcgee @pivotallemonade @aroace-genderfluid-snake @monstrousmaws @satanic-leaf @virtualunease @villowrose @handrazedsun @ceiltheoutcast @atroph1k @entropy-sea-system @abby-cat99928 @maroroque @galaxgay

@realyfroggyfrog @angrysheep @llamaflower @ultrabean @sea-salt-sky @queerestqueertoeverqueer @crowleys-queen @foolishlovers @cassieno @crowleys-hips @argylepiratewd @trianglebird4 @sugarplumanderson @underlilithswings21 @crowleys-bentley-and-plants @healingmyinnerteen

and anyone else that sees this, consider yourself tagged!

#entropy tagged #tag you're it #tag game #entropy tags

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cheelieve7 · 2 years ago

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Pavement Rose - Pilot

Fandom: The Boys (Amazon Prime TV Series)

Pairing: Black Noir x OC

Hey, people! So i recently binged The Boys and oh god, i’m obsessed! And with you know who as well! So i thought i’d scrabble couple stuff myself too. It’s my very first fan fiction actually so, be nice to me please! Even though i don’t know anyone will read it, i’ll try my best to write some stuff till i calm down lol. Anyways, hope you guys or ladies like it!

I burst open my eyes as if i had one of those jumpy dreams. As i looked around i was trying to comprehend where the hell i was even. I was laying on my stomach in the middle of a freaking pavement, my legs were scattered around the place uncomfortably, folded in such perpendicular angles as if i was trying to fit into a place. Or if i had fallen off from a height. The more i think about the peculiar situation i was in, i was getting more confused and angry. I was in doubt i was even sleeping to begin with. I looked more like i crushed into the floor head-on and i’d just regain my consciousnesses. Nothing made sense. Where was i even? Like which city or town this street even belonged to? Oh god. Even more importantly, who was i? What do i do as a profession that requires me dive off into pavements? What did i like? Did i have lots of friends? Oh, this is a clue. Maybe someone could have been looking for me. Police! But i needed a name first. I mean, preferably my own. I narrowed my eyes in hopes of finding any kind of intel on this empty and dark place that’s supposedly called my brain. But more i pushed, i felt this sharp shot up to my head. Wait, was i hurt? My hand automatically went to check my nose for damage control. Oh. It was bleeding. Although it didn’t feel like it was still going. Okay. That’s good. Cup half full. Then i thought to myself how ridiculous i must have looked. I was looking like if i was taking a swim right here and then. Before i turned over i checked my head slowly to find more blood but it felt pretty dry. I sighed with relief. I was finally sitting down on my butt although my legs were stretched out like i owned the place. I knew i looked funny but how come no one didn’t care enough to check up on this pavement booger though? We, humans, were really doomed. I couldn’t keep my mind afar from what really went down. Did someone assault me? And I’d jump down? Or maybe they did get what they wanted and throw me down to get rid off me. But then wouldn’t it be there people gathered around and watching? Polices even standing by. Or maybe i simply committed suicide. Again, people; police... I was getting nowhere. Such simple idea such as to check my pockets hit me at last. Boy, i was slow. Let’s see... a small cardholder with 125$ and some coins that was squeezed in there and there where it wasn’t supposed to. A library card to the French Institue. Metro card and some sort of a cinema card and bingo. ID. Rose Carlberg, mother’s name Beth, father’s name Eric. Except of these there were only a receipt or two that was just too worn out to be tucked into a pocket for too long. Well, this was a good start i suppose.

***

After going around all the police station my legs could take me i gave up. Always the same answers.

‘’Nope. No records of a missing person.’’

‘’Oh sorry darling, no one is looking’’

‘’I don’t think we can help you’’

‘’I guess no one missed you yet.’’

Where was i gonna go? Rose Carlberg. Ha. I didn’t even feel like a Rose. Maybe since no one seemed to care about me, i could even rename myself and just float around. Or be a Rose and float around. I just kept walking on the pavement aimlessly while i was trying to figure out my next move.

***

So after almost a week, what i learned about myself:

I was this thing called a supe. Not really a strong one necessarily it seemed but it strangely helped me out to build my way up somewhere. I didn’t know what exactly i was capable of yet but i was slowly figuring it out while i was trying to settle up on this not so lovely hotel. It mainly used for prostitution and some underage jocks that came to party from what i’ve seen. Even though it wasn’t the most ideal place to crash in, it was cheap. And i didn’t have a job yet so at least it was a roof over my head. I had the mistake of spending the whole night outside couple of times and let’s just say, this place had some high crime rates as i’ve witnessed. Oh so for the 2nd thing,

This company called Vought basically ran the city. They were everywhere. And beg no mistake when i say everywhere, they are EVERYWHERE. That’s exactly why i have a job interview with them today also. For such big company, they also apparently need lots of office boys. Well, office girl in my case. My main purpose of wanting to work with them is though, their archive. Extensive intel about basically everyone. And i was told after working with them for a while and gaining their trust points, i’d be able to have a look to mine. Whatever they had, it should be able to out-do police either way.

And not relevant to the topic but i absolutely loved lemonade. Like, i was obsessed. I just didn’t miss any kind opportunity to stop and grab a glass.

All of this could have been funny if it was happening to someone else maybe. I was basically like a baby. I felt old, like if i just faced life after spending it mine on a box. I’ve came so far but i didn’t know anything. Sometimes i’d face something and i could just do it and realize oh, i know this or hear something and it’d be familiar but then no matter how much i pushed myself, i didn’t even know what i liked. It kind of felt like i was in a Matrix. Like if someone kept loading me up with some new talents and i’d unlock them at a certain point of life. Yes, i watched Matrix. I watch Matrix now. Depressive science fictions also seemed good enough for me to like. My life was depressive and shit so i went ahead and watched some other people’s shit and depressive lives instead.

It was almost time for my interview so i climbed on my bed to check my look on the tiny mirror that was across the room on the bathroom one last time. I was wearing a black oversize jumpsuit that came down as an envolope and had a belt to keep everything in place. And my converse because i simply didn’t own any other shoes. Deal with it, Vought!

I left my room only to see a whole group of soup opera was happening at the same time frame by frame as i walked by. People here really knew how to keep one on her toes.

‘’I’d ask what a nice girl like you doing in a place like this but it was only funny the first 400th time, y’know’‘ said Doc with the look he spared me for a sec from his newspaper.

‘‘Yeah yeah, see you later too Doc!’‘

As i walked to the magnificent building that looked like out of a cartoon, i wasn’t excited a bit. Shortly after i woke up on that pavement, i kind of figured i had a great deal of manipulating people into my own wishes. I had no idea how it worked but it somehow worked. If i focused, i’ve realized that i could feel their emotions. And i could manipulate those feelings in a way that serves me. Wasn’t this a big joke. A girl with no sense of self had a great deal with others’ senses. Good one, universe, good one.

When i finally entered the building, i tried to pass up the security as soon as possible. I was impatient. I’ve been waiting for this moment for some time now.

‘‘Rose Carlberg, i have an interview with Ashley.’‘ after one condescending look she gave me over her glasses, she made a gesture for me to wait.

‘‘Floor 99. She should be in the meeting room, she’ll see you there on her way out.’‘ i nodded and headed for the elevators. Everyone in the building seemed to be in a great rush that I could have swear my slow pace almost turned couple heads. I pressed the button that looked digital and turned blue when pressed and slowly waited for its doors to open. When i was at 82th floor, i had a blonde guy join me. After giving me a small smile, he also stood next to me. This would be no other than Homelander it should be. God was he huge. I tried to peak at how he was feeling. Despite his calm demeanor he was deep in thought. Confused even. As if he felt he turned around to give me a look then went back to his prior position. Okay, no more peeking.

When we arrived to the 99th floor, he gestured me to go first although he seemed to go to a different room. I slowly investigated the room then spotted the lady that was supposed to be Ashley.

‘‘Hello, you must be Ashley, i’m Rose Carlberg.’‘ i kept going when she gave me an empty look.

‘‘I was advised to come here for the interview?’‘ the coin finally dropped and she gave me a smile.

‘‘Right, walk with me please.’‘

‘‘So, i’ll cut it short. What makes you believe you’d be a good fit for us?’‘ she asked with a smile that had no trace of sincerity.

‘‘I’m calm, good in crises and reliable, i like to think.’‘ i said then i held her hand, things she wouldn’t know wouldn’t hurt her would it after all. She had a will of a baby.

‘‘I’d be good here.’‘ after i finished what i was saying she automatically repeated it, ‘’Yes, you’d be good here.’’ i reflected a smile similar to hers from a minute ago. This wasn’t so hard now was it.

‘‘Well, welcome to Vought then! We’re actually having a welcome party for our new staff tomorrow night! You don’t want to miss it! And funnily enough, you can start on Monday at 8.’‘ she said, this time her holding my arm. I just smiled back.

‘‘Oh and i’ll need some advance.’‘ i couldn’t continue forever practically stealing clothes from the stores. I mean they’d hand it out to me but that was still stealing.

‘‘Yes! You’ll need an advance!’‘ she was just too easy.

***

It felt weird going into a celebration before actually start the work itself. But i didn’t mind it much. I looked at my saten dress that dropped around my neck in drapes as if it was about to fall off and fixed my shiny little belt. It was a simple look but i felt pretty and that was all that mattered. Plus, i finally had a different set of shoes thanks to Ashley. I was excited to meet some people, i felt isolated in this place and that was the worst of all. I’d go to parks, to cafes just to interact with someone but no one seemed to care enough to come any near to me. I was walking to Vought with excitement this time.

The party was just spectacular. Everyone looked like superstars. Well, the most were in fact. Superheros were the superstars it seemed on this place. It was easy to identify them hence the uniform. I was just looking around to see how many of them i could see that i’d see from the ads i’d see on the streets.

Queen Maeve.

Homelander.

The Deep.

Black Noir.

Now he was an interesting character. He was standing on the back tables by himself and holding a glass that seemed to contain champagne. I kept staring to see if he’d drink it. After so many minutes it felt like, he slowly turned and started staring back. Was he even looking at this way? I kept staring. He didn’t flinch. I didn’t realize i narrowed my eyes and kept staring till i heard a voice say,

‘‘That’s not such a good idea, y’know. He is a well-established assassin after all.’‘ Queen Maeve. She rather sounded amused from what i picked up from her tone and the little smirk she had on. She went back to looking forward to the entrance.

‘‘I didn’t mean to initiate a staring contest.’‘ I said with a smug face and i scratched back of my head.

‘‘Maeve. Are you new?’‘ she turned her head back to me now.

‘‘That i am. Feel free to ask for a coffee any time, just shout Rose, coffee! Iced!’‘ i laughed. I’d assume that’d be about only thing i’d need be around their floor. She smiled sympathetically and took her leave to another table Ashley kept mouthing her to go to. I was gonna go back to staring to the silent ninja i was looking to a minute ago but he was gone now. Aren’t we sleek. Party was pretty dull except of my little encounter with the Queen. She really was like goddess with her perfect auburn curls falling gently around her face. Me? I just had boring black and as straight as a celery kind of hair. I decided it was time for me to take a leave since i was deep in thoughts again, i mean, if i have to start thinking about my place in universe in a party that party is over it was fair to say.

Just when i was leaving the lobby, i saw him again. Homelander. I didn’t even know how to describe him, he always seemed to have such contrast feelings to his look. When i was trying to quietly make my wait out of the glass doors, he saw me.

“Oh hey you. Leaving already?”

“We didn’t meet earlier, Homelander” he said without waiting.

“Oh hello sir. It’s Rose, i just started here.” and tried giving my best fake smile.

“Well, i assume we’ll be seeing each other around then. Take care.” he said firmly, with a voice that was spilling authority all around.

That was weird.

Despite him surprising that i was leaving, it was quite late actually and streets were already emptied out. I started walking with stern steps to my hotel. It didn’t help my neighborhood was as bad as these back alleys if not worse.

“Hey beautiful! What’s the hurry?” the unfamiliar voice made me froze on the spot. Of course. Of course this would happen to me.

“Look, i don’t have any cash. And i’m underage so you better stay away.” he chuckled.

“Sure you are. Where ya parents?”

“I don’t buy it but nice try now.” Said one of the other guys. Well, i had to try. There should have been a way for me being small would come in handy. Not today though apparently.

“Please. I won’t go to police, let me go. Please.” i tried a different approach. I knew it’d be for best if i didn’t agitate them.

‘’Honey, you aren’t going anywhere.’‘ said the third guy with a rather disgusting smile that showed all of his bad intentions. I felt like passing out any second. Their emotions had this overwhelming wash over me and i already wasn’t my sharpest. Shouldn’t had drunk the last glass. I tried to focus but i was thrown away by the sudden slap i took by the last guy who spoke.

‘’We’re talking to you, bitch!’‘ what was i even supposed to say?

‘‘You’ll let me go.’‘ i held an eye contact with the guy who randomly just slapped me. He seemed to be the one the others were looking to. Just when i could see the glimpse of my effect on his eyes this time one of the guys punched me on my guts and i couldn’t help but fall to the floor this time. I couldn’t take it anymore, my eyes were closing with the amount of feelings i was going through and how they were using as a punching back as well. I must have started dreaming at this moment because i saw one of the guys who was standing across me got his throat slit open. The others didn’t even realize it, too busy to think how to assault me next. The second guy wasn’t as lucky as the first time because i saw his whole face got smushed like a tomato. Then the other two guy finally realized something was going on and turned their back to me. One of them had the balls to pull a knife while the other tried to get the hell out of here. Both couldn’t quite success. With the relief of seeing my attackers were gone i surrounded myself to the darkness.

***

I opened my eyes. Deja vu. But this time, wasn’t on the pavement from a week ago but on my bed. On hotel’s nasty bed.

‘‘We won’t be together for long, bed. You shall not be missed.’‘ i murmured myself while i was trying prepare myself to the idea of getting off the bed.

If i didn’t count the rather irritating pain that just wasn’t going anywhere my head felt like a blank canvas. Then i had a flash of what happened last night. Who saved me. Black Noir. I automatically turned my head to my nightstand to find a small note. I slowly picked it up while i was trying to control myself. My god, my heart was thudding hard.

‘‘Drink me.’‘ i looked at the little pill that was on top of the note. Ha. Let’s say i used all my luck to have a supe come across me when i was in trouble and save me but what was this now? How did he even know where i was staying? I dragged my feet to the bathroom’s sink to get some water. This new job was gonna be more interesting than i thought.

#black noir #black noir fanfiction #black noir x reader #black noir x you #the boys #the boys fanfiction #the boys black noir

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mrpenguinpants · 4 years ago

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Venti and Diluc: Friendship HCs

Hi elliechan! I’ve already written friendship hcs for Venti but I never want to leave anyone hanging (unless the dupe request is incredible specific and I can’t add onto it anymore) so think of it as a part 2. But if you haven’t seen Part 1 yet, I added a link.

Also, I would like to credit fulltimeventisimp for helping me out with this fic. My monkey brain couldn’t think of anything for Venti but they gave me literally a fics worth of content. PLEASE IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY, MAKE IT AN ACTUAL FIC! I LOVED IT! I tried my best to not piggy back too hard off it but if it does seem that way, let me know and I’ll definitely change it.

But thank you 💕💕💕

---

Part 1: Venti Frienship HCs

Xiao: Frienship HCs

[Masterlist]

---

[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@hanniejji @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @sunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz @dai-tsukki-desu @thicmitten

Venti and Diluc: Friendship HCs

Venti

The first time you met the bard, it was when you were visiting Mondstadt as a small pit stop. He was sat on top of some wooden boxes, next to an apple vendor, singing a short ballad. You’ve never encountered bards throughout your journey and he did have a lovely singing voice so you decided to stay a bit and listen in. It felt like the wind itself was carrying his voice throughout the streets but you couldn’t help but feel a bit...melancholy from his tune. Was it homesickness? You clapped with the crowd when the bard finished and on a whim, you decided to buy him a small bag of apples. He seemed to like them as he only asked the apple vendor to gift him two for his efforts. When you paid your purchase the bard seemed to be in a deep conversation with the same vendor that you didn’t want to disturb them, after all you weren’t going to be in Mondstadt for long. So you placed the small bag of apples beside the bard’s lyre with a quick thank you note, a couple extra coins, and continued on your journey.

You didn’t expect that small act of kindness would lead to anything but when you were preparing for bed, the same bard popped his head outside your window and almost gave you a heart attack. This bard was lucky he didn’t catch you while you were changing your clothes or else things might have turned ugly. He wanted to thank you for your generous donation which you simply waved off explaining that throughout your journey, you never met anyone that could sing quite like him. A small token of appreciation. Perhaps it was because you fed his ego too much or other reasons but that seemed to peak the bards interest and ask about what other fascinating places you’ve been too. You talked about the horrible mountain you needed to climb through to reach Mondstadt, the shining electro lamps of Inazuma that would spark if you got too close, to the clear pools and lotus heads in Liyue.

“You’ve been around all over the place! Perhaps you would allow me to write a ballad of your conquests?”

“Hm? Is that so? Why don’t you come with me? Go outside the walls of Mondstadt and explore. So you can write your own ballad instead of others.”

“Is this another acting whim of yours?”

“Haha, perhaps.”

Unsurprisingly, you don’t see the bard the next day. It was probably a lot to suddenly ask a stranger to drop everything and come with you to unknown places. But you decided to stay in Mondstadt for a short while and see what the City of Freedom had to offer. From meeting the supposed gliding champion and learning a few pointers, to the mysterious Calvary Captain who you were sure was probably the shadiest person you’ve ever met, to the aloof red headed tavern owner. You weren’t much of a drinker but everyone in Mondstadt, especially the knights, seemed to really enjoy their wine and were incredibly friendly to strangers. On the night you were planning to leave Mondstadt, the rowdy knights you’ve became friends with decided to celebrate and urge you to drink to your hearts content (please drink responsibly haha). You must have been a bit tipsy when you met the bard for a second time, introducing himself properly as Venti. You could blame it on the alcohol when you suddenly challenged him to a drinking contest but it was the most fun you had in a while. You were pretty sure everyone got kicked out but as you leaned against Venti absolutely hammered, laughing about the silliest things, it was the most freeing feeling you’ve ever felt.

From then on, even after you had left the City of Freedom, you could would randomly see Venti pop up sometimes. Should it be at Starsnatch Cliff or all the way in Wolvendom, you would see a few fluffy feathers appear as the bar- Venti announced his arrival. You were pretty sure Venti was bored whenever he visited you to see what you were up to but you didn’t mind. His liveliness nature was addicting and you were an easy going person. Though, some of the jokes he made, made you a bit suspicious of him. Whenever he would say that Andrius was secretly a grumpy mother hen or that Dvalin was actually a shy sweetheart.

“You sure do know a lot about Mondstadt. You sure you’re just a bard Venti?”

“Hmm, well it shouldn’t hurt to tell you. I am Barbatos. The Anemo Archon of Mondstadt. Pleasure to make your acquaintance..-again.”

“I see...and yet you still get ID checked?”

“Rude!”

Outside of Mondstadt, Venti is a whirlwind of emotions. Always wanting to see what’s changed or linking your hands and dragging you off to some far off chest he found. How did his small body have so much strength to nearly pop your arm out? He did come in handy during your Liyue expeditions since he can give you a small boost to just reach the top of that cliff. You thought violet grass was bad, it should be illegal for Qingxin flowers to grow on the very top of mountains. Venti thinks it’s really sweet that you put so much faith in his winds to let yourself fly when he uses his elemental skill. Though, it’s a bit of a double edged sword. When you finally reach the very top and you’re waiting for Venti to join you, he might pretend to loose control and throw himself off the cliff. You sometimes forget he’s literally the anemo archon and you’re ready to go gliding after him before he pops up in front of you to give you another scare. While he’s laughing, you’re already planning how to sneak slime condensate into his hat.

“You should have seen your face! I didn’t know you could scream like that! Liyue must think a banshee is haunting their mountains again!”

“Watch yourself gremlin, you might wake up without hands tomorrow.”

“Haha, you wouldn’t do that...right? How would you even do that? Why aren’t you saying anything?!”

“Isn’t there a saying in Liyue Venti? You can’t run from your debts? Prepare yourself.”

For as child-like Venti appears, you both end up getting into a bit of trouble when Venti get’s a bit too bold. While it’s incredibly refreshing to see someone speak their mind regardless of the consequences, you actually kind of admire him for that, usually the boldness comes from trying to bribe the bartender for free drinks. Your poor wallet is crying out every time Venti spots a new tavern. While he say’s he will pay you back or he’ll pay you back in a song, you can’t actually eat his words. But on other occasions you can’t help but join in when it happens to be one of the Fatui guards giving you both a hard time. You feel like you’re acting out a Shakespearian play with all the flowery nonsense and metaphors you’re both spitting out.

When you’re both in the thick of a forest or even on top of Liyue’s mountain, Venti will bring his lyre out and strum his strings softly as you both fall into a comfortable silence. Looking at the sunset or relaxing under the trees as the sun peaks through as you both live in the moment. It’s these times that you’re harshly reminded that Venti is an archon as he slips out of his persona and speaks as Barbatos. He tells you how fun your adventures have been, that he was glad to have made friends with you, speaking as if you’re about to die tomorrow. You’re not sure how to handle it, what kind of burden Venti is carrying, but you immediately drop everything and comfort him. Giving him a strong but warm hug that you’re still here and he’s not alone right now.

“Come on, I’m still waiting for the Ballad of Venti. You haven’t given up on that right?”

“Hmph, of course not. Every being deserves a name to be called upon, and woven into a song.”

Diluc

It was a peaceful day, one Diluc hadn’t felt in a long time in his hectic life. Though it was a bit too early to determine how the day would go since it was still noon. The tavern would soon get loud as it approached night but for now. Everything was peaceful. The sounds of Monstadt streets bustling. The peaceful atmosphere as the sun shone through the windows. Working on mundane tasks of wiping the counter down. No Kaeya in sight. A small moment of peace. All broken when his door was kicked nearly off its hinges as you announced your return from your shopping trip as if you had returned after a 3 year long journey. Diluc sighs under his breath, takes a moment to pray he doesn’t need to repair his door again, and helps you with your bags as you ramble about your day.

To others, it’s always seems a bit weird when they catch Diluc and you chatting since Diluc always gives off the lone wolf persona and yet you’re this ball of sunshine. Maybe it’s because you knew Diluc when he was a child, back when he was still bright-eyed, that you never treated him any differently when he came back. Diluc never really talks about it but he’s happy that you’re still the same and he can let himself relax with you. He still keeps his silent demeanor as he listens to you talk about anything and everything, it helps keeps his mind occupied, but he might add a few comments here and there. Just to let you know he’s still listening.

You know what sounds really hot? Sitting in the same room with someone while you both do your own respective thing. You both don’t feel forced to talk to each other just because you’re in the same room or you have to do everything together just because you’re together. It’s an easy atmosphere that settles as Diluc works on business papers and you’re planning your next expeditions. Until you end collapsing on his couch because your brain processing has suffered enough and it’s time to take a nap. You always end up dragging him out of his work to go outside and take a nice doze in the sun.

If you ever have a problem, he won’t necessarily coddle you unless it really bothers you or you’re in a situation where it could hurt you, but he’ll do everything to help you work through it. You’re his friend and if someone is giving you a hard time then he has no problem chasing them away, especially if its a Fatui member. If it happens to be Kaeya, well that’s an entirely different story. Likewise, if it appears to you that Diluc is going through a rough time you’ll try and comfort him. Do small little things to let him know that you care and while he doesn’t need to tell you what’s wrong, you’re here to support him.

Diluc enjoys playing chess against you, even if he wins most of the time, you’re always so determined that he can’t help but laugh along with your over reactions. Presenting him an entire 20 page paper on chess and yet getting checkmated in 10 turns. You’re 95% sure all the chess strategies he offered were all fake, if his smug grin is anything to go by. You both have agreed to never play darts together, well more specifically, you’re pretty sure you’re banned from playing darts when you almost hit Adelinde. That was the first time you ever genuinely feared for your life.

Whenever Diluc has to attend a gala or has to host a party to further his business, he’s always appreciative when you show up. You’re not exactly apart of royalty or even a business owner but it’s so refreshing to Diluc, after spending so much time keeping a polite attitude and trying to talk business, when he can come to you as you laugh about how one lady almost tripped because her dress was too long. Sometimes he’ll lean a bit on you or pretend to be in a conversation just so he can recharge.

More often then not, you’re mistaken to be Diluc partner even though the idea of holding Diluc’s hand makes you want to throw up. But when Diluc get’s random father’s trying to offer their daughter’s hands in marriage, he’ll pull the excuse he’s already with someone if they can’t no for an answer. It’s always funny to you, linking arms with Diluc and re-telling the grandiose story about how Diluc saved you from falling off a cliff when you were both younger and you were both star-crossed lovers that were destined to be together. Or something like that, you’re pretty sure you’ve changed the story enough times that you can’t keep track. But it seems to work and as soon as they are out of ear’s reach you make a quick gagging motion. He shoves you a bit to which you elbow him in the side. Old habits die hard.

---

I swear, I could probably recite character stories word for word at this point. Gripping my writing hand don’t make it angsty, don’t make it angsty, don’t fucking do it. But I still did, whoops.

I feel like my fics are really long so I’ll add a read more tag. Mmm writing styles are hard. I don’t know if I like this;; I ended up writing so much to try and combine my “hcs are just another word for fics just without the dialogue” and “actual headcanons” styles. Ahh, well whatever. I have to go speedrun my assignments since genshin is going to eat all my time this week.

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katzkinder · 3 years ago

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Tarte Tatin

[Here's the follow up to "Strawberry Madeleine" I said I'd do! 🥳 Feat: Tsurugi getting all the presents. All of them. And a very special gift from Freya.]

Tsurugi can’t remember the last time he was so excited for his birthday.

Actually, that’s a lie. He absolutely can. The last time was when he turned twenty and had gone out, ID in hand and stupid grin on his face, to buy as much beer as Yumikage’s credit card could handle as the first official adult of their little trio (or as much as the clerk would let him purchase). Two bikes, three idiots, and three cases of cheap beer, all pedaling towards the ocean on a beautiful, moonlit night, not a cloud in the sky.

The only thing that had dampened his mood then was the heat of Yumikage’s back against his as he stared up at the sky, at the moon, and recalled the promise he had asked his friend to make, and the offer of freedom he had turned down.

Neither of those things were a problem anymore.

Never again would Hod have to worry over killing Baldr to save him from himself.

~~~

The venue is, of course, Yumikage’s apartment. The walls are thick, the living room is large, and there’s no one there but him to bother if they get rowdy (aside from the neighbors, but Tsurugi never cared much for what they thought).

Most importantly, though, it’s a familiar place. Every year, ever since Yumikage started living in the high end apartments, each of them would have their birthday there. It was also the place Tsurugi went to when he no longer had a home, his best friend opening his own to him, and Tsurugi had felt so guilty, had been so worried, about what that change would mean for them.

As it turned out... It didn’t mean much at all.

Of course, with his weird sense of boundaries and how touchy he can get with people he likes, other people might not agree. --Especially when he and Yumikage still shared a bed.

~~~

All the guests had arrived. First, of course, were Jun, Takuto, and surprisingly, Jun’s parents. Tsurugi had hefted Takuto onto his hip, chirping at them all to come in, and led them to the living room where they had prepared snacks, drinks, big, big bowls of pretty much everything you would need for a party. Chips and dips and little trays of veggies, big two liters of soda and a store bought cake chilling in the fridge, hard candies and caramels, even a crummy cheese platter with little tiny sausages and crackers.

Next had been Freya, Iduna, and the two subclasses Takuto had taken to calling his uncles, much to their delight. Opening the door, he’d been met with three party poppers being set off in his face, Iduna, Gil, and Ray shouting their congratulations at him while he had stood there, stunned, trying to process the colorful streamers and confetti now decorating his head, shoulders, and the entry hall. Soon, though, he was laughing, dragging them all in by the arms while Freya shook her head and tried not to look too fond, a gentle scolding on her lips while C3’s ace inventor promised to clean up the mess herself.

Four presents joined the pile, and four more members of his family joined the festivities.

Finally came the Sloth pair, Kuro and Mahiru, and the gift he had been told to open immediately. The one that almost made him cry. So small, so little, so… Perfect.

Turning to bring them back to the group, Tsurugi thought to himself, All these people… Are happy I was born.

At that point, the tears he had been holding back started to overflow, quickly dripping down his face and onto the floor, much to the Sloth pair’s worry. Even Kuro, as blank faced as he normally kept himself, was clearly startled. Clearly worried. About him.

It only made the tears come faster.

“Uwah! Tsurugi-san?! Why are you crying!”

A watery laugh, quickly wiping his face on the back of his hand while Mahiru crowded closer to fuss. “I’m just glad you’re all here is all…!”

Ah. How embarrassing.

~~~

As it turned out, they didn’t need that second, store bought cake at all. The one Mahiru had brought with him, had made himself from scratch, was more than enough. There were even leftovers, sitting happily in Yumikage’s fridge and waiting to be devoured the next day.

And, of course, after cake came presents.

Jun’s parents had given him a new set of chopsticks, glossy black ones patterned with colorful paper cranes, and a matching paper crane shaped ceramic rest to go with them. From Gil and Ray, he’d received a new wallet, smelling of leather and, frankly, making him too nervous to ask if it was genuine or not. Such an expensive gift was… Not something he deserved, he felt, but he’d accept it gratefully nonetheless. From Takuto, he’d gotten the most adorable little wolf themed coin purse, as well as a handmade card. Jun gave him a new to go mug. Yumikage had grinned, sliding him a little box containing earrings that sparkled and showe and Tsurugi very nearly leapt at him if it weren’t for his idiot friend clarifying “They’re fake, dumbass. You like sparkly stuff though, right?”

“Don’t scare me like that!” he had complained, swatting Yumikage on the chest while the other man had snickered to himself. Really, he should have known better.

And now, he is here, with Iduna thrusting a misshapen gift into his arms with the biggest, most excited grin.

… He hopes it doesn’t blow up.

Tearing the bright, shiny paper away reveals a pillow shaped like a strawberry, red fading into pink and green leaves at the top. The smell immediately slaps him in the face and he wastes no time burying himself in it, a reverent, “It’s so soft…!” on his lips that make the people around him giggle. “Jun-chan, feel how soft it is!”

“I modified a pillow I bought for you!” Iduna gushes, and Tsurugi’s attention snaps to her, her cheeks just as rosy as his no doubt are with elation. “Freya helped me add a little pocket with velcro so I could put a scent pack inside! Also it’s made with memory foam so you can squish it as much as you want and it’ll always go back to it’s proper shape! Oh, and, here’s the remote, cuz I added a temperature change feature, too, so it’s never too hot or too cold and…” A hand on her shoulder has her chattering trailing off and she peeks at Ray, who seems to be holding back laughter. “Ah, oops! Sorry...” A sheepish chuckle, the girl wilting ever so slightly. “I just got so excited from your reaction…”

“I love it,” Tsurugi assures her, squeezing the gift tight. “Iduna-chan’s so smart! I’d be excited to give this to somebody, too!”

Iduna perks up once more, back to her beaming smile, and Freya… Nudges her present forward. For some reason, she looks nervous, and Tsurugi reaches for it curiously.

“Lately, I’ve been… Looking into making jewelry,” she explains, arms folded across her chest and black gloved fingers digging into her skin, awaiting Tsurugi’s response as he slides back the cover on the box. “Iduna showed me how to work with some of her tools, like things for cutting metal…”

“Freya…” Tsurugi breathes, cutting what he now realizes are anxious ramblings over having an overlapping gift short, “You made these?” In that little aqua colored box, with its white ribbon and bow so cutely done on top, are a set of earrings. Where Yumikage’s had been studs, these would dangle, little seashells carefully connected to ribbon by a simple loop of gold and a single bead, the same yellow as his eyes. Picking one up, the deep, navy colored ribbons, satin finish, flutter delicately. “They’re beautiful…”

He glances away from his gift just in time to see Freya start to turn pink. He swallows, wets his lips, and carefully, carefully, brings the box closer to his chest. “I can really have this? Like, really really?”

“Of course you can,” Freya answers, relaxing ever so slightly. “I made them for you.”

Right. That’s right. These were… Made especially for him. Him, Kamiya Tsurugi, twenty seven years old today. This gift… Is his. It’s his alone.

… Oh. That’s right. Back then… Freya had asked for…

I don’t have anything I can give to you…

You have two of these. Maybe you can give me one.

We… Except this body… Have nothing else to call our own. Aside from that… There is nothing I can offer.

In this world… Exists things that you should share and bear the burden of with other people, as well as things you yourself must treasure. You must… Understand which is which.

A… Are you angry...?

I am.

Back then, he had told her… That he had given up. Back then, what she had wanted… Was for him to take her hand. In the end... He hadn't. But they were happy.

“... Freya. Are you proud of me? I finally… Grew up!” I finally got angry. I finally fought back.

“... I am. Very, very, proud.”

#kat's katerwauling #pawprints #servamp #tsurugi kamiya #servamp freya

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twcfaces · 1 year ago

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"You haven't met him yet."

Harvey said. Or Two-Face. Whoever it was that was picking at the ID bracelet on his wrist- it was like something inside him had been disturbed, stirred a certain way that threatened to unbalance it.

"People think they have, but--- that's with the coin holding him back. That's our little agreement, between each other. If I use the coin, I have a fifty-fifty chance of doing what I want versus what he wants."

He had to think about something else. It was if the suggestion that he'd initially made- getting rid of Harvey- had managed to come back around to actually impact his mood. Sure, Two-Face wanted to get rid of him, but not as much as Harvey wanted to be rid of Two-Face.

It was already too much to think about. He should have just kept to small talk.

He rubbed over his fingers with his thumb, in the nook the coin would be if he were holding it.

"... If this were a prison, I'd be asking you what you were in for, but this is Arkham, and you're you, so I'm going to ask how you got caught. Did you get a visit from the B-man, too?"

'Batman' seemed to be a curse around here, used sparingly, if at all. Still, everyone knew when he was being talked about.

"Maybe. The drugs are helping a little more, I can go for a little longer without---"

Flipping the coin.

But how temporary was that? It had almost gone away at times, only to come rushing back up to meet him again, stronger than before. The same ritual, the same pause before every decision regardless of how minor - he hated that damn thing in the same sense that he didn't know what he would do without it.

"And no, you're not a doctor, but I'm not entirely convinced these people are, either."

A chuckle.

"I just need to do something about this Harvey Dent guy that keeps ruining my plans."

Is he joking? It's harder to tell than it normally would be.

#enignoema #this conversation just keeps getting more intense than i planned

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y4rdbird · 3 years ago

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mcc 17 vod time: cyan edition baby

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii <3 this mcc when watching other team vods i had some thoughts and decided to post them here lol? not much too it. im not an expert nor am i anyone whos opinion you should value to so dont sweat it if you disagree lol.

I'm not gonna go over every game and more of where i had something to say so <3 time to get into it i guess <3

starting off controversial lol. skybattle i. didn't really enjoy. cyans placement wasnt that notable but something I noticed is they kind of revolved their strat around dream? round one the way he dies bridging to mid and then asks for ponk to do it at that part so *he* doesn’t get sniped again aswell as just prioritizing himself over his teammates a bit? just didn't really vibe w me lol. its not anything id call an issue and more just something i noticed, and kind of reminded me of the funneling strat for dodgebolt (something dream is well known for) vs arrow splitting. i don't like funneling but i also main falsesymmetry for mcc so. i am biased lol. dream is obviously a bit more of a sweat compared to players like h or pete who prioritize making sure all there teammates are getting their own shots in while dream goes for the win for all of them by doing the majority himself. tldr he can be a sweat good for him. dream fans please dont maul me im but a humble blog

moving on from the opinion that's most likely to get me cancelled (/j) sands of time!!!!! i think their sot strat was super smart and while i don't know if its ever been used before id love to see it again in the future! karl as sandkeeper was a great decision as he was on top of comms and communicating when he had keys, how much sand, and when he needed them to give him more. dream was great at instructing them on what to do and saved alot of time not running back for vault keys but instead going on a set path intending to get the vault, instead of go in and pray you stumble upon it lol. the entire team worked well and its genuinely a shame they had a shit run in with those ravagers. comparing the scores, first place was 4300ish, and cyan had at one point 4500ish coins, meaning they would have gotten first if not for it. never forget the cyan 17 incident </3

buildmart. made me want to bang my head against the wall. i dont think i can elaborate on it without flying into a rage again so instead i am going to copy some portions from my commentary on it from discord <3 hope you all enjoy the rage from someone who has been pampered by grian buildmart pov

idk what to say other then their buildmart makes me want to cry. like oh my god. It is just very frustrating

he started off by having multiple people go to the same resource zone or the SAME BLOCK and ONLY do one build and it was just so inefficient

furthermore when Karl said he was going to grab other woods he told him not to????

if your basing it off speed and you are ALREADY GETTING THE WOOD. HAVE HIM GRAB OTHER WOODS. YOU DONT NEED TWO PEOPLE GRABBING 12 PIECES OF FUCKING WOOD

It was hell actual hell

not only was he giving out confusing commands but he was just wasting manpower. during the treasure build he had ONE PERSON GET 3 DIFFERENT ORE BLOCKS AND 3 FUCKING PEOPLE GET SPRUCE

never going to forgive dream for having 3 fucking people get spruce

like tbh after THAT id fucking hate buildmart too. couldn’t be me though

focusing to get first completion isn’t a bad strat but doing one build only causes more point loss then gain. if they focused on two they could have done so much better because they could have easily divided into teams of two since they were only going to like. 2 locations each build and could have maintained the speed dream was pushing for

that concludes the ‘maybe its better if you do sit out for buildmart dream that made me want to cry’ segment of this post. thank you and goodnight

next up and last!!!! survival games!!! im not going too critical abt this but obv they were kind of losing morale and that can drastically affect performance. that being said DREAM HOW CAN YOU SUCK AT COMMS SO MUCH WHEN YOU DID SO WELL IN SOT!!! I HAD HOPE FOR YOU!!!! my heart is forever broken and trust shattered into oblivion <///3. getting serious though, this was a game where tommy got to really shine. he’s always been p good in my book and survival games is no exception. they went in with tommy leading and giving commands and dream kind of just. ignored them. and pushed to do opposite of what tommy wanted which ultimately kind of got them killed. and when it was just him and ponk very quickly went to taking the shots and just. idk disregarded what his team might want to say or have actually said. dream suffers a lot when he’s not in the leadership role because he just. cant listen to other people ig LMAO. dream himself has said he’s not good at teamwork so this isn't a big surprise, but still made it super frustrating to watch.

hmmm that is all me thinks.... once again this is my OPINION please do not burn me like a witch <3 this is all v lighthearted commentary and obv i didnt cover all of the games so this isnt some end all be all they are shit or not. idk if ill do another one of these posts but it was fun to make <3 i am now going to make a sammie <3 bye

#mcc #dream #cyan coyotes #tommyinnit #ponk #karl jacobs #minecraft championships #rbs are appreciated <3 #the only thing i love more then writing long winded tumblr posts is attention <3 #love u guys <3 #also I fucking speed ran writing this it’s definitely got typos and shit formatting LOL #yards posts

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thetravelerwrites · 4 years ago

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Ravadhi (Part 9)

Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationship: Female Human x Male Half-Orc Additional Tags: Exophilia, Half-Orc, Monster Boyfriend, Interspecies Romance,Angst, Slow Burn Content Warning: Domestic Violence, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Alcoholism, Drug Abuse Words: 4148

Holly finds out what her mother left for her in the deposit boxes. Afterward, she and Ravadhi settle into a comfortable routine until it's suddenly shattered. Please reblog and leave feedback!

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Holly arrived at the bank only ten minutes after leaving, which was not at all enough time to mentally prepare her for what she was about to find in the deposit boxes, left for her by her dead mother.

She waited in the line anxiously, her fist clenched around the keys that Tonri had given her and her chest tight.

“I can help the next guest,” The teller called. Holly knew him distantly from school, he was a Ratfolk man name was Auro. The two of them hadn’t been friends or really even spoke to each other, but like everyone at school, he knew who she and her dad was, and speculated along with everyone else. Despite that, he hadn’t ever bullied her or ignored her existence out of guilt.

“Hello, what can I help you with today?” He asked as she approached

“Hi, I inherited the keys to safety deposit boxes--” She checked the paperwork she’d received from Tonri. “F152, F153, F154, and F155.”

“Okay, I’ll just need the keys, a photo ID, the death certificate of the decedent, and inheritance letter?”

“Uh, yes, right here.”

She handed the documents to Auro, who took them and scanned them briefly, stopping on the name and glancing up uncomfortably. It was a well known fact that Holly’s mother had disappeared when she was young, but she guessed the news that she was dead hadn’t made the gossip rounds yet.

Auro cleared his throat. “Of course, right this way.” He left his desk and led Holly to a private room. “Wait here a moment and the boxes will be brought to you,” He said.

“Okay, thanks.”

She waited tensely for about five minutes. Then, Auro returned with the four boxes, setting them on the table in front of Holly. He also left a large bank bag on the table.

“Would you like privacy?” Auro asked.

“Yes, please,” Holly replied in a small voice.

He nodded and smile sympathetically, then left and closed the door.

Feeling tears prick her eyes, she sat in front of the four boxes, steeling herself to look inside. She picked the one on the right and pulled it toward her. With shaking hands, she turned the key and slowly opened the lid.

The first thing she saw were the pictures. Hundred of them. Pictures of her, of Holly as a baby, of the two of them smiling and happy and together.

Holly cried softly. She thought all the pictures had been destroyed. She spend a long time looking at the photographs of her and her mother. As she shuffled through them, and envelope fell out from the pile. She picked it up and examined it, and on the front, in her mother’s handwriting, was the word, “Holly.”

Sniffling and attempting to stem the flow of her tears, she carefully slit open the envelope and took out the contents. It was a letter. It was dated seven months before Holly’s mother disappeared.

My baby girl, I’m so, so sorry. If you’re reading this, it means that son of a bitch actually killed me and my attempt to escape with you has failed. I’m sorry. I tried. I tried so hard, but he was always one step ahead of me, no matter what I did. You once asked me, when you were very little, why I was with your father if he made me so sad. I couldn’t answer you then, because you were too young to understand. I was hoping to tell you this story in person one day when we were free of him, but it looks like that day will never come. Abusive relationships never start out that way, you know. Your father started out sweet and kind and affectionate, and I was fooled. By God, was I fooled. He spent the first year of our relationship waiting on me hand and foot, doing anything I asked, lavishing me with gifts and attention. I was so struck by his attentiveness and loving nature that I fell for him very quickly. Looking back, I realize it was too quickly. I didn’t realize that his attention was manipulation, or that a pattern of dependence was beginning to develop. The change was so slow that I didn’t even see it. It started with comments, off-handed observations. “Your mom was kind of rude to me today and your brother doesn’t like me. We shouldn’t go over there as much. Your friends talk about you behind your back. You should dump them and get better friends.” He began to drive a wedge between me and all of my relationships, until he was the only one left. He’d convinced me that my family hated me, that my friends were jealous of me. I started cutting ties with people who I loved dearly, and when no one was left, all I had was him. Which is exactly what he wanted. Then there were sudden negative criticisms about my appearance or how I cooked or cleaned. I was gaining too much weight and wasn’t as pretty as I had been when we first started dating. I was spending too much time at school or work and not enough time with him. He began questioning where I went, how much money I spent, who I was with, why I was out so long. Whenever I protested, he simply said he was worried about me and that he didn’t want anything bad to happen to me, that I was careless, even reckless sometimes, and that I could get myself in trouble. I started questioning myself and actively avoiding things that would upset him. I thought he got angry with me was because he loved me. I didn’t realize he was trying to control me. Before we got married, he had been pressuring me to leave school, saying that it was too expensive and he couldn’t afford it. I told him I could apply for grants and scholarships, but he wouldn’t hear a word of it. His temper was getting shorter and shorter by the day, and before I knew it, it seemed like he was always angry. He started drinking not long after we were engaged. But I loved him, and I figured it was just stress because of money. It was easy to dismiss the emotional and psychological abuse as stress or concern, but now I know it was never any of those things. The physical abuse started shortly after we got married. By then, I wasn’t speaking to my family or friends anymore and we had moved to Willowridge for his work, so I was completely isolated. We had another argument about school, and it was the first time he laid a hand on me. He slapped me so hard that he knocked me to the floor, and I was shocked. Looking back now, it’s almost comically obvious that the relationship was heading in that direction, but at the time, I was terrified and so very confused. I was a smart person; smart people didn’t get into abusive relationships, it wasn’t possible. And now that I had alienated all of the people who could have helped me, I felt powerless. My mother died, and I wanted to go to her funeral and patch things up with my family, but your father convinced me that my family didn’t want me there. They hadn’t called me, after all. There had been no invitation to attend. So I didn’t go. Then my father died, and shortly afterward, my brother took his own life. Suddenly, I was without family and it was now too late to reconnect with them. I dropped out of college due to a mental breakdown, which was what your father wanted. It was then that the abuse became extreme. He would beat me for any small thing. I had no money, no friends, no resources, and I was now living in a town of which I wasn’t familiar. I felt trapped, but I also felt like it was my fault for falling for it, so perhaps it was what I deserved. I developed an eating disorder, lost a lot of weight, stopped leaving the house, and fell into a deep depression. I always felt anxious and sick. I didn’t even realize I was pregnant with you until I went into labor. You were a month early, and so tiny. I hadn’t been to the doctor since before our wedding and the eating disorder made my period stop for months at a time, so I had no reason to believe I could have been pregnant. When you were born, everything changed. I may not have been able to get out for myself, but for you, I would move mountains. I made a deal with your father; you know what it was. He wouldn’t let me work, so I had to scrounge and save any way I could. I was the weirdo who took all the coins from the “take a penny, leave a penny” tray. I dived into wishing fountains and scooped up handfuls of quarters. I’d lie to your father and say I lost the receipt when I went to buy groceries and couldn’t remember what the total was. It always earned me a beating, but it was worth it if I could manage to squirrel away even five dollars. I even sold my wedding and engagement rings. I expected to tell him I had lost them and get a beating, but he never asked about them. Someone who controlled every aspect of my life for years didn’t care that the proof of our marriage was missing. Fitting, I suppose. I’m not sure how much I’ve managed to save; I’ve never had the chance to count it. I’ve also put away all of my jewelry, collectables, and any small thing I thought might be valuable sentimental or otherwise. I hope beyond hope that you’re free from him as you read this, but if you’re not, I hope I’ve saved enough to give you a chance to get away and live a better life. If there’s only enough for you to buy a bus ticket and get out of this godforsaken town, it’ll have been worth it. I love you, Holly. I love you so much. If any good thing came out of that miserable bastard, it was you. You were a surprise, but once I saw your little face and your tiny hands gripped my finger, I’d have done anything to keep you safe. I’m sorry I fell short. If you hate me, I understand. But please, never doubt that I loved you. I only wish I could have been a better mother and protected you, and I hope you’re not too disappointed in me. Forgive me. Forgive me. Mommy

There were tear stains on the paper, old ones from when it was written, and new ones as Holly read it. Holly held the letter to her chest and wept bitterly.

“I don’t hate you,” Holly sobbed. “I don’t.”

It took several minutes to compose herself. When she’d sniffled to a stop, she turned her attention to the other boxes. In the first, she found jewelry, coins, stock certificates, and the proof of purchase on the house. In the second, there were trinkets she’d saved from Holly’s childhood, like her footprint, her hospital bracelet, and the blanket in which she’d been wrapped in. In the third was a single item: a bank account card.

Holly took all of the items in the boxes and stepped out of the room, walking back up to the teller’s desk.

“There was this account card in the box,” She told Auro. “Do I have access to this?”

“Yes,” Auro said. “Your name is on the account.”

“Oh,” Holly said, surprised. “Can I check the balance?”

“Of course,” Auro said, entering the number into the computer. His hands stilled and he stared at the screen.

“Well?”

“Right,” He said, clearing his throat. “At present, you have $53,640.35 available in your account.”

“Fifty-three…” Holly trailed off. “That’s… mine?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Auro said. “You can use it whenever you like. I can give you a checkbook before you leave, and have a debit card mailed to you within the week.”

“Yes, please,” She replied faintly.

She rode home in a numb fog. When she arrived, Ravadhi and Sarah were sitting on the front porch as if waiting.

“Are you okay?” Ravadhi asked, immediately pulling her into a hug. You accepted it gladly. As soon as he wrapped her up in his arms, she started sobbing again, unable to stop, and started to collapse, her legs crumpling underneath her.

“Hey, it’s okay,” He said softly, moving to sit her down on the porch. Sarah sat on your other side and rubbed her arm.

“What happened?” Sarah asked.

“She left me some things,” Holly managed to gulp out, pulling some of the things from her bag to show Sarah

“Are these you when you were little?” Sarah said. “I’ve never seen pictures of you as a kid.”

“Dad got rid of them all,” Holly replied, shuffling through them to show her. “Or, I thought he had. Mom managed to save some.”

“You were really small,” Sarah said wonderingly. “Even smaller than me.”

“Mom said I was a month premature. I didn’t know that before,” Holly whispered.

“You’re mom said?” Ravadhi asked.

“Oh, she wrote me a letter,” Holly replied, pulling it from her pocket. She began to read the letter out loud to Sarah and Ravadhi. As private and emotionally charged as the letter was, Ravadhi and Sarah were the only two people in the world who Holly felt she could share it with, and because she could, she did. Not only that, she knew they would understand it in a way that no one else would.

“Do you hate her, like she said?” Sarah asked.

“No,” Holly told Sarah. “No, I couldn’t hate her if I wanted to. I wish she had been your mom, Sarah, she was such a good mom. The best.”

“Dad tricked her,” Sarah said, looking up at Holly sympathetically.

Holly nodded. “Yeah.”

“He didn’t trick my mom,” Sarah said bitterly. “All he had to do was pay for her drugs and vodka.”

“I’m sorry, Sarah,” Holly said. Sarah shrugged.

“So you own our house?” Sarah asked, changing the subject. “Are you going to kick mom out?”

“No,” Holly said. “It doesn’t matter what my feelings are for your mom, I will always make sure you have a home to go to, no matter what. But I think it’s best if she doesn’t know I own it, so maybe keep it under your hat.”

Sarah nodded knowingly.

Holly sighed heavily, wiped her face, and stood up abruptly. “Well, I am absolutely starving. Do you guys want breakfast?”

That night, Holly lay in bed, unable to quiet her mind. She had decided to keep the news about the money to herself until she knew what she wanted to do with it. There were a million possibilities bouncing around in her head, and she couldn’t pin one down. She could fix up the house for Sarah, put it away for Sarah’s college, put a down-payment on her own house, go back to school, anything. But deep down, Holly was worried.

Ravadhi had said at the beginning that she was to stay with him until she got back on her feet, but now they were dating. Would he want her to to find her own place since, she had the money to do it? She liked living with Ravadhi. It was the healthiest environment she’d ever lived in and she didn’t want to have to start all over again on her own. Was that co-dependent? Maybe, but healthy co-dependence was better than depressed, anxious solitude, as far as she was concerned. She didn’t want to leave, and she didn’t think he would just kick her out. But, as her mother’s letter had taught her, you could never be truly certain of a person’s motives or intentions. Ravadhi had been nothing but kind and caring toward her, but… people can change.

What if she could get custody of Sarah? That would be amazing. If she could prove Diane was an unfit mother, would they even let Holly get custody? She knew that they wouldn’t let Sarah live with a convicted felon, though, so if she could get custody, the matter of continuing to live with Ravadhi in his house would decide itself. As much as she cared for Ravadhi, Sarah was her first priority.

What if she lost the custody case and they put Sarah in some kind of group home? Ravadhi’s tale of being in a group terrified her and she’d never subject Sarah to it. Was it best to leave her in a neglectful environment where at least Holly knew she could take care of herself and be safe? Or try for custody and run the risk of losing her in the system?

Maybe she could ask Sarah. She had a good head on her shoulders and could make good decisions for herself. A lifetime of neglect from her own parents as well as having to take care of her beaten and bloodied sister on a regular basis had aged her prematurely, so she was used to it. Unfortunately.

There had been another thing that had been weighing heavily on her lately as well, even before learning about her inheritance: she and Ravadhi had been officially dating for about a month, but they had both cared about each other longer than that. Would… he be expecting sex? Even if he did, she didn’t think he would be the type to pressure her into it, especially given his history.

Eventually, she fell asleep, wondering if she should ask him about it. A few days later, when they were alone with each other and just sitting down to dinner, she broached the topic.

“Ravadhi?” She piped up shyly. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, anything,” He said, picking up his fork and getting ready to tuck in to his pork stirfry and rice.

“Do… do you want to have sex with me?” She asked.

He immediately began to choke on the first bite of his food, and Holly rushed to get him some water in alarm.

When he was able to speak again, he asked, “Before I answer, is that an inquiry or a request?”

“An inquiry,” She replied.

“Okay,” He said, taking a deep breath and bracing his hands on the table. “Okay.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Holly said, wincing.

“No, no, it’s okay,” He replied, clearing his throat and taking another sip of water. “I’m glad you feel comfortable enough with me to ask. That’s really important to me, that you feel safe and comfortable.” He knitted his fingers and took a second before answering, pondering the question over in his head.

“The short answer is: yes, I do, because I care about you in both a emotional and a physical way, and part of that is wanting to be intimate and sexual. The long answer is: yes, I do, but.”

“But?”

“Yes, I do, but… I know that it scares you and that you’re not ready. Yes, but I never want to do anything to hurt you or make you feel unsafe. Yes, but I’m willing to wait as long as it takes until you feel the time is right, even if that never comes. I’m here for you because I love you, not because I want to have sex with you. Your happiness and well-being is more important to me than that.”

Holly blinked and her mouth fell open. She stared at Ravadhi in silent shock.

His brow furrowed. “What?”

“You said you loved me.”

His cheeks darkened. “Oh. I… well… yeah. I do. Love you, I mean. It’s okay if you don’t or don’t want to say it.”

Holly’s heart raced and she felt confused. “Give me some time?”

He nodded. “Yeah, absolutely.”

She nodded in return, relieved. “Thanks. And… I appreciate you being cool with everything. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but it means a lot to me.”

He smiled fondly at her and continued eating.

The school semester came to an end, and Ravadhi passed all his exams, despite working two jobs and having taken Holly in during the month when he needed to study the most. Now that school was over for the summer, he took some more time to work on the house, which he hadn’t been able to do for a long time. Holly was happy to help him, and it became a new bonding activity for them both. Sarah slept over often since it was summer break, and the three of them were happy.

It was becoming easier for her to be physically affectionate with him, holding his hand and giving him hugs and kisses more casually, which was a huge step for her. He never brought up sex or being more intimate, and Holly appreciated it.

Ravadhi still had the plumbing and overnight security job, but now that school was out, he was able to take more shifts. Holly would stay up and text him until at least his lunch break at eleven P.M. to help him stay awake.

On a warm Thursday evening as the sun was going down, Holly sat on the back porch overlooking the closed-in backyard and watched some videos on her phone while texting Ravadhi back and forth. He was bored, like he always was during his shifts at the power plant. He worked alone at the front lobby and watched the cameras, which Holly was sure was nothing short of riveting. At least he was allowed to listen to music.

>What have you got playing? She asked.

>Sevendust. It’s my go-to band. Very effective at keeping me awake.

>I bet. Do you listen to any female fronted metal bands? I think you’d really like Epica and Otep. Epica has got a great opera vibe. Oh, and Sister Sin is a really good hard rock band. Great vocalist.

>I haven’t heard those bands. They sound awesome.

>I’ll make you a playlist.

>Nice. What are you up to?

>Enjoying the nice evening. I was going to clean up the kitchen before I went to bed, but I was tired. I’ll do it tomorrow after work.

>Going on rounds. I’ll text you back in a minute.

Holly switched back over to watching true crime videos on YouTube. She blinked, and when she opened her eyes, suddenly the sun was completely down. She looked at her phone and realize she must have fallen asleep: two hours had gone by. She went over to messages and texted Ravadhi. He hadn’t texted back yet, which was weird.

>Sorry, I fell asleep. Find anything?

Holly decided to go inside and actually clean the kitchen. By the time she was done, Ravadhi still hadn’t texted back.

>Everything okay?

Ten minutes passed and there was no response. Holly began to feel uneasy. With a pit in her stomach, she dialed the power plant’s main line. Ravadhi had to answer that phone, it was part of his job. The phone rang and rang and rang. Ravadhi never picked up.

Holly’s breath stalled in her chest with panic and she called the sheriff’s department.

“Sheriff’s department,” Holly heard.

“Hi, um, look, my boyfriend is at work and he’s not answering the phone, which is part of his job, and I’m worried something may have happened to him,” Holly said in a rush.

“I’m sure he’s fine, ma’am,” The deputy said dismissively. “He’s probably in the bathroom or something. I’m not sure this warrants a welfare visit.”

“I’m telling you, something is wrong,” Holly insisted. “I haven’t heard from him in hours. That’s not something that happens.”

“You’re probably overreacting,” He said. “Just calm down--”

“Who am I speaking to?” Holly asked, getting angry.

“Deputy Reynolds.”

“Well, Deputy Reynolds, my name is Holly Stevenson. Do you know that name?”

There was a few seconds of silence on the other end. “Yes, ma’am, I know who you are.”

“Then you know you owe me. You owe me.”

The deputy didn’t respond.

“The least, the very least, you can do is make sure the person who saved my life is okay. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, ma’am,” The deputy replied. “I’ll send an officer right away.”

“You do that,” Holly said. “And I expect a call when you get there.”

“Yes, ma’am,” The deputy said.

Holly hung up the phone and waited anxiously, biting her nails and pacing. A full thirty tense minutes later, she saw red and blue lights outside. She rushed to the door and threw it open. The sheriff himself stepped out of the car.

“What happened?” Holly asked.

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience! To help me continue creating, please consider buying me a Kofi, becoming a Patron, or donating directly to my PayPal!

Thanks for reading!

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8lah8lah · 3 years ago

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fussing abt femme lesbian stuff extremely crazy long post under the cut

so in 2019 idk how or when or where i started looking into this but i was looking into butch/femme stuff and when i'd read about femme stuff it's like. "related" is way too light a word for it, "saw myself in" is also a bit too gentle, but pretty much every time i read about femmeness it was like reading an old diary, a lot of times people on here complain about "labels" "making you feel like you have to constrict yourself to a definition of smth"? well this was the complete opposite of that, i didn't feel like i was reading smth new and thinking how i could apply it to myself, it felt like everything i read i understood myself more, it was putting words to my feelings, it was literally parroting things that felt so familiar i still swear to fucking god i either outright wrote/said or at least thought before, and maybe thought dozens and dozens of times over throughout my life that up until then were senseless unrelated blobs that didn't matter

but then around like idk SOMEtime in like 2020? i think a combination of;

ppl were discoursing a lot abt butch/femme stuff and it made me confused (cause i admittedly did not know very much abt butch/femme stuff at all past femme is me and i love butches) and worried like oh no are ppl gonna attack me for iding as this """"""regressive"""""" thing,

every other butch/femme blog i was looking at was, or was becoming, an exclusionist and it was so fucking disheartening and anxiety-inducing to see what was to me this transcedental through-actions-more-than-words expression of love in any form And Also this like inherent two sides of the same coin ...relating? and completing and seeing the other one in you?? be reduced down to "ACTUALLY it's ONLY about devout romance/sex depends who's asking and experieincing it any different way makes you a predator, somehow" was so fucking defeating; if everyone outside of this doesn't like me and makes me feel guilty for this and the only ppl i run into inside it for safety and respite think i can and should be """fixed""" on basis of my sexuality, why WOULDN'T i just drop it and leave it where no-one can see?

and also ppl just dont really like... care For butches/femmes? theyre like oh haha classic lesbian thing i respect you, but they don't relate to you, so they don't know how to help you and don't really understand you, even if there's no genuine malicious feelings behind it they just dont know!!

so boom theres my conclusion i'm this thing but shit is rough rn so i'm just gonna shove it in a box and open it up later when i'm ready

....and then come: the last few months, i'm not ready but the box is opening itself up anyway!!! i keep seeing female chars and sometimes i get this fucking SEETHING "i want to be that", i can't ignore it, it keeps coming up so i keep running over 'huh am i just cis but being depressiongender for the moment' and my conclusion every time is no i Admire girlness (on like a gender level????) a whoooole lot but it's still not me somehow, and at the same time 'i wanna be pretty for girls'/'i hope girls find me hot' is on my mind cause it always is, it has been for as early as 2017, and "masculine" stuff making me dysphoric is on my mind cause it always is though to a lesser degree, i'm not really sure why, but at some point it clicks and starts seeping through the back of my mind. hey what about that femme thing that was a big deal to me a while ago that might be the source of this deep seething need to be a girl but not a ~Girl~ (cisgenderly, hollow gender roles-edly) but still feminine but it's FOR something and there's something there and you're taking this thing and making it weird AND. bro i think youre gay. something's here

so then like last week i break and i look for a pdf of ANY reliable butch/femme book i can find and i find one of the persistant desire: a femme-butch reader KNOWING i will probably definetely run into my trigger word at least a few times in it (and i did twice! but only twice was surprising), i just couldn't take it anymore, and i read i think 173 pages into it solid and skimmed through some other sections before i was too distracted and racking my brain about this and went to read about what the fuck does femme even mean in other places and then go to sleep and while i was pretty high-strung that night (which i think reading trigger word definetely did not help) i think i got my answer. a way i describe personalities is like being in a room, your room, and that if you're not sure who you are literally just look around you, and i couldn't ignore what was around me anymore! what was baked into the wallpaper what was my bedding and what was even the little trinkets i put in my window for other ppl to see WAS STILL THERE!!! the feeling i had in 2019 that was like the very skeleton of my...self and my existence being perfectly put into words and described when i couldn't, WAS STILL THERE!!! i was expecting and kinda hoping that when i read about the actual thing it wouldn't match up to me anymore and i could just lay this to rest but NOPE!!!!! these people are still saying the exact same shit i had been saying mere WEEKS earlier!!!!!!!!!!!

so then my conclusion had been "i'm probably femme but i don't WANT to be", and now my mulling over thoughts are shifting to "but then WHY am i femme, WHY do i still relate to this, what does this mean to/for me, why am i like this" cause even if i don't wanna be i still feel this way and i can't change it!!!!!!!!!! and it's like exceptionally hard Because it is mostly just a feeling + ..... samesies moment ! ! !!!! !! for me at least, so i'm moreso looking for other things other people have said that can start to encapsulate it a little, making a little moodboard in my head of femme stuff in my brain if you will lol, and that's Also hard cause it's a lot of little things that are easier to forget but not harder to relate to (for me ofc) but two things that i've kinda been mulling over/that have been bouncing around in my head as of recent is this quote in earlier stated book;

and this is a bit silly but last year i think? my best friend linked me a video abt the movie 'brave' and how almost-good it was by someone called eliquorice it's a good video all in all but what i've been thinking about for the past year is in the first part, where, EXTREMELY PARAPHRASING, it says merida's strength is being/enjoying "masculine" things and making them into her own feminine thing, meanwhile her mom's is the pre-set feminine stuff that's already there and her enjoying and embracing it, pointing out scenes where while merida asserts her power by fffffffshhsfhsd the archery contest scene im assuming youve already seen Literally Anything abt this movie and im talking abt the other part here anyway, theres a scene where her mom asserts her power by just like. being very stern and graceful and Womanly which makes a crowd of fighting men part and pipe down to let her through because of the sheer immenseness???? of her presence, theres obvs more to it than that but thats my extremely basic ittybitty summary of it

and there's all the other smaller things i can run over like how while i shorten my 'i dress up the way i do so girls think im hot' to.. that, there is more to and behind it than that, and how as a kid my internalized misogyny showed up via 'i HATE pretty popular girly girls (cause theyre pretty and i like them but i'm not allowed+theyre inaccessable) for having BOYFRIENDS (gay lol)' (which might be what started this, i was talking abt it on main a while ago?), or how even now when i'm faced with actually pretty hollow depictions of women who love shopping and girly stuff and hang out with their Girlfriends:tm:copyright::rightsreserved: and always have or are trying to get Boyfriendssss!!!! it makes me ache because i want to be feminine and with other girls all the time like them but my aim there is entirely different cause i don't want boys to be part of the picture at all and i don't want the girls to be a side thing or a friends-only thing (which Also might be what started this!!), and how it's kinda expected/said that if you're a Real Girl then you REJECT girly things and wanna be Masculine and do Boy Things cause you're not SHALLOW and if you're a lesbian (at least when i was 12) this was kinda amplified- lesbians wear snapbacks and have short nails and dont care much about their appearance/are very casual and blahblahblah AND THAT JUST MADE ME FEEL WEIRD EVEN AS A 12 YEAR OLD CAUSE THAT'S NOT HOW I FELT AND THAT WASN'T MY AIM BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I COULD DO OR EVEN THAT I COULD DO ANYTHING ELSE, and so on and so on and so on and it's just.

i don't know. i'm probably femme, but i don't wanna be, i wish i wasn't. but i fit pretty much every asset of it anyway, save for stuff that just plain doesn't apply to me (ex. alloro stuff)! but like despite what i say i don't 100% wish i wasn't femme at all, it's still a big part of me and even if my experiences are both sparse and not wonderful so far i don't think this is all there is to it and i think someday the last gear could click into place and this is something i can really genuinely settle into and be happy with. and if i DID try to forcefully change it i don't think i could without hurting myself a lot and deeply cause even if it's sometimes not a good thing to live with thanks to other people, it's still a good thing, and snuffing it out cause other people are cruel just doesn't feel fair to myself, my femme-ness, or the situation!! why let them win!!!!! so i guess it's not that i sincerely wish i wasn't femme or that this didn't describe me, i just wish it wasn't so hard. i wish it was just the loving and bonding and relating/solidarity...ing parts, and not the when people aren't being outright bigoted to your face, everyone else is getting into constant droning nitpicky fights of who can be what who can say what who's who but my friend said this but you say this let me bring other whole ass topics into this blahblahblahblahblahblah BLAH it's TUMBLR DISCOURSE i'm sure you get the picture. ...parts of it. so idk what my conclusion is, i guess that's still in the works! maybe it's i'm probably femme but i dont wanna be > but either way i still am so Why, why am i like this, why can't i just drop this > one day i'll be happy with this again but i'm putting it back in the box again, or i'm starting to love it again? i dunno!!!! i can't tell the future! my other conclusions are that identity is hard and please be nice to lesbians you know and encounter, i guess XD it's also that it is a FULL HOUR AND A HALF PAST MY BEDTIME GOOD GOD I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THIS GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#8log upd8 #long ass post under the cut as usual #gotta sleep though nini everyone #idk why im posting this publically; idk who im hoping sees this or what im hoping ppl gain from or reply to it!#i guess its 'other butch/femme bitches pls help me </3'? or 'hey this is what femme means to me at least thus far #i hope you can see it as something more than only ever 'wears makeup and skirts for no reason''#GOD IM . JGKFSHSGHSDFHGSDHGHSDF BEDTIME BYE #well maybe bedtime. i cant sleep if im thinking too hard

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fresafresitawrites · 4 years ago

Text

paloma’s cards and water

my latest creative writing assignment! adding onto the next series of my vignettes! involving my oc andrew as the main boi. u can find them all here this one is a lil long but my prof really liked it so im happy w it. rest is under the read more! id be so happy if anyone reads this slkajf inspired by tarot reading, my grandma, and that one chapter in the house on mango street w the tarot reader

I was on the first floor of my building getting the mail when I heard my downstairs neighbor sweeping her entrance mat.

“Buenos días, m’hijito.” Her voice was like the strum of a guitar.

“Buenas, Señora Paloma.” I replied. I gave her a quick glance as I skimmed a letter about my academic probation from last semester.

She set the broom aside and looked up at me.

“Ah, so formal now that you’re older, and taller too. You’re always getting taller and taller.” I’m only five foot six, five foot eight when anyone asks. “I haven’t seen you too much lately.”

“Oh, disculpe.” I crammed the envelopes into my messenger bag. Most of them were junk anyway, like dollar store advertisements or auto companies offering me a car loan. “I’ve just had a lot on my mind, a lot going on with school and work and everything.” I closed the mailbox unit.

“Ay, perdón, Señor Ibarra,” she teased. Somewhere after I turned eighteen, I went from calling her Mama Lola to using formalities. “Do you have some time, actually? I need help with something, si puedes.”

I checked my phone. I had work in an hour. “Sí sí sí, yeah, whatdya need?” I cracked my knuckles. Usually, she just wanted me to move furniture or get something from the top shelf of her kitchen cabinets, like the blender she used during the summer to make watermelon juice. Her oldest son also bought her an iPad for Christmas three years ago when he visited from Buffalo, and I’ve memorized the passcode after troubleshooting it for her so many times.

Paloma waved me inside her one-bedroom apartment, two floors directly underneath my family’s. We lived in an old house with four floors that probably used to belong to one rich family in the nineteenth century but was now broken up into several apartments. Paloma’s door was the first one on the ground floor across from the staircase. Her apartment always smelled like dryer sheets, and the television was always on some Spanish talk show, and water was always boiling over the kitchen stove because she didn’t trust the pipes. The yellow walls were adorned with Mexican folk paintings, plastic floral garlands, and family photos attached with Scotch tape. In every corner there were figurines of Catholic saints.

A few years ago, I asked Paloma to watch Sofi and Eli for me. I had tickets to see The Strokes at Madison Square Garden and only that morning did I double check the date of the concert. My mom was at a student’s piano recital, and I agreed a week earlier to watch the girls that night.

I was carrying Eli in one arm and held Sofi’s hand with the other outside Paloma’s door. The girls were four at the time, so I just gave them each twenty bucks to never say anything.

“Hmm!” Paloma lifted her eyebrows and crossed her arms. “And you think your momma won’t find out?”

I thought about it. “Well, don’t tell her.”

Paloma laughed, squinting her dark eyes like a fox.

Thankfully, Ma’s train got delayed on the way home that night.

In Paloma’s kitchen, two Devil’s Ivy plants sat in the sink with their vines trailing over the edge, hesitating to touch the tile floor. On the left was the glass door to her own small patio, where a few stray cats lay across the concrete. Paloma pointed to her wooden breakfast table, leaving her broom aside, so I pulled out a chair.

She sat down across from me, laying a purple and gold silk cloth between us and placed two tea lights on each side.

“Oh, is this what you wanted me for?” I sat up, surprised. She tied her long, gray-brown hair into a bun.

Paloma has never tried to use her cards on me before. I was never interested in these things. Hemera was the one who came to visit often after her break-up during freshman year with this film studies major, Vladimir, who played the accordion and was originally from Portland. Hemera and Paloma would lean over the tarot cards, speaking low, like candleflames. I usually sat on the couch and watched Looney Tunes, since Boomerang was one of the only channels on Paloma’s television other than the news or Telemundo.

“How’s your friend?” Paloma asked as if she read my mind. “Is she your girlfriend yet? Or has she found someone?” She pulled out the deck of cards from her apron pocket and shuffled them.

“Oh, no, she’s okay. She’s doing okay.” Hemera told me two weeks ago she was “focusing on herself” which meant she deleted Tinder and would reactivate it within the next week. “And nah, she’s like a sister to me. That’d be weird.”

Paloma watched me. “You cold?”

“What? No…” Well, now that she mentioned it… ‘Actually, yeah, kind of, maybe.” I zipped up my wool sweater. Was there a breeze?

“Good.” She spread the cards out with her delicate hands. “That means the spirits are here.”

“Uh, okay. Sure, Paloma. They are.” I tried not to sound too sarcastic.

I closed my eyes and hovered my left hand over the fanned-out cards, mimicking how Hemera used to do it. I tapped three random cards and Paloma flipped them over.

She read them out loud. “El ermitaño, la rueda de la fortuna, y la muetre.”

The late February sun casted a soft glow over the kitchen like a dream.

“Your past, present, and future cards.” Paloma’s tone shifted into something softer, as if her words descended from the clouds. “Ah, look at you. Always keeping to yourself, always, always. Like the old man here on the card… alone on the mountain, holding a lantern trying to illuminate his path.”

I tilted my head.

“Right now, you’re in a critical position. It’s a marvelous position to be in! See all the arrows on the wheel going in all directions? They can lead you anywhere. You just steer the wheel like the helm of a sailboat and go wherever the wind takes you. How exciting!”

I leaned forward. I examined the card that depicted what looked like a large, gold coin covered in strange symbols and surrounded by hybrid animals and angel figures.

“And here, look, don’t be afraid of this last one. Everyone’s always afraid of this card, but don’t take it too literal. This card means transformation, it means upheaval, it means purging, it means endings.

I picked up the card, fixated on the small boy kneeling before the skeleton-knight riding a white horse. I put the card back down.

“This sounds… vague.” I leaned back in my chair, half skeptical and half on edge from her reading, but I didn’t want her to know the last part. “I thought you’d tell me something terrible would happen, or something like who I’m going to marry or whatever. Not that I would believe it, but I’m just wondering why you wanted me here right now.”

Paloma smiled and crossed her arms. She’d been expecting this reaction. “It’s not like that. It’s not a math test, like in school. There are no right or wrong answers here. I know you don’t like that. Frustrating, no?”

“Yeah, a little.”

“Half of the work is you. It’s like looking at art or reading poetry. You’re participating. You’re drawing your own conclusions.” She placed the deck back into her pocket. “You have to marinate on the words, m’hijo. Everything will reveal itself.”

I took a deep breath, swung my bag over my shoulder, and checked my phone.

I had work in five minutes.

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