#like idk idk if i actually planned things out maybe id be fine

[jesskasb]

ritsu and shou gaming. ritsu and shou climbing trees. ritsu and shou making a youtube video. ritsu and shou shopping. ritsu and shou skateboarding. ritsu and shou trying weird food. ritsu and shou staring contest. ritsu and shou playing club penguin. ritsu and shou hiking. ritsu and shou people watching. ritsu and shou ritsu and shou doing literally anything. i think they're friends and i think they should hang out

[orcelito]

Planning out my outfit for my concert shit. I think I've got good pants for it, maybe got shoes for it. Gonna look for a blouse tomorrow + possibly some new shoes. Bc the maybe-shoes are those shoes I got for the suit that I HATE. They gave me such terrible blisters. And I think the pants I have would look better with some kind of heel. But if I don't find anything good I can just use those flats. And for the blouse, it's gotta be black and long sleeve and also have enough flexibility to not restrict my playing. Flexible Clothes. All the better to play a funky little tune in.

On top of that tho I've got several assignments I gotta do this week. Gotta make a wireframe prototype for my web app for web programming class. Tonight, really. Bc the official thing is due Sunday but I gotta get it reviewed by classmate(s) (and also review someone else's, too), so better to have that done sooner rather than later. There's also a lab for my C programming class due on Friday, which I need to have done before the end of lab so I can get it checked off. Gonna try to get most of it done tomorrow night, if not all of it, so that I can just go into lab and get it checked off and then LEAVE. Bc if I stay the full lab I will have less than an hour b4 I gotta be at the venue for sound check. And I really would prefer to have more time before that. Tbh the lab probably won't take TOO much work, since it's just using recursion to make a lil maze solver thing. Not too many lines of code, since the recursion does a lot of that. The tricky part is actually figuring out the logic for it properly. But I took good notes on it when my professor talked about it in class so MAYBE I didn't attend the last 2 labs and MAYBE I haven't even started the thing. But it's ok. Fuck it we ball. And ON TOP OF THAT... the assignments, the orchestra prep, etc... I also wanna clean my apartment some, probably on Friday morning, bc nonzero chance of visitors after the concert. Not for long if they do come in. But Still.... #Embarrassed. It's not as bad as it was b4 bc thankfully I did manage to do my dishes. But there's still some things I should get cleaned up.

AND THEN...!!!!!!!!!!

Well I mentioned the prototype thing. I gotta review someone else's prototype, and I also need to update my own prototype depending on what people say about mine. Tbh I'm kinda planning on doing a lower-effort version to start with (instead of trying to make it perfect from the start) so that it'll hopefully be easier to adjust the prototype to whatever the advice is & make it seem like an actual improvement. There's also a presentation over this thing, which thankfully I'm presenting on... Wednesday, I think? But I gotta have the slides submitted I Think Sunday night (when the prototype itself is due). So I gotta prep the presentation alongside prepping the prototype. AND I have a lab for this same class due on Sunday too, so I'm a busy bee!!

And ON TOP OF ALL THAT, I have a midterm exam in-class on Wednesday for my C programming class (same day as the web programming presentation, ugh 🙄), a presentation for my quality engineering in IT class on Thursday (over ISO 9001 quality standard), AND a paper for that presentation's content due on..Friday, I think? It's a group presentation/paper, same group I worked with last time, which Thankfully they can pull their own weight. It's just more to do lol.

God. I'm being worked to the bone, actually. Feels like everything is happening all at once. But then I remember that it's midterms time and I have spring break the week after next. And I'm like. OK, that makes sense.

Just gotta survive the next week and a half... lol...

[kingshovelbug]

im sorry but i need to geek out somewhere and screaming into the void on tumblr is less likely to get me flayed than on twitter, especially if i get terms wrong. plus i can do a read more and yall can click into the tech talk if you want to verse it bombarding your twitter timelines

so idk if i only liked it or if i actually put it in my queue but i saw a post that talked about a few pieces of tech that focus on user repairs and being sustainable (fairphone and frameworks laptop) and after doing some more research into what they have to offer i actually really excited that these products are finely hitting the us market and that people are moving away from the belief that super smooth streamlined glassy = the future. being able to reliably repair and keep what you have alive verse throwing the whole thing away when maybe all you needed to do is add more ram to your current laptop (something that i would do with my laptop to keep using it for a few more years if it wasnt glued shut and i was at risk of cracking the screen) or swap out a fuse.

i know big corporations dont like it but i truly do believe with how much tech we use on a daily basis that the way that we are going to be more environmentally friendly is to move back to tech that we can hang onto for as long as we can and to recycle and then reuse what we cant. like with the frameworks laptop. i saw that they just partnered with coolermaster to create a case specifically so that you can reuse you motherboard, cpu, etc and make a portable workstation. you could dual wield with the laptop you just upgraded if you want to dedicate specific tasks to one or the other. they also specifically mentioned that you could screw it into the back of a monitor and create your own all in one. guys thats cool as shit??? if you had a 3d printer and some time you could even create that yourself

on top of the actual hardware part moving to open source programs when your able. when i update my desktop i plan on running linux. it might have a learning curve compared to windows but in terms of performance??? ive heard that it runs smoother even on older machines, that its more efficient because isnt running stuff in the background that tracks your data and shit. now i understand that not everyone can do that because there are some programs that dont play nice with linux but for my needs at least it does everything i would need it to. and maybe a couple years down the road we do figure out how to run these programs on certain flavors of linux since its open source and people fiddle with it so much. (still looking for alternatives to like word and excel though, i use google docs since its free but i want to move away from them as much as i can too since they laid of their youtube music team (i believe?? it might of been a different branch) for trying to unionize)

if anyone knows of any other smaller companies that actually focus on sustainability and user repairability please let me know. theres certain pieces of tech that i think are now unfortunately behind a software repair paywall, things that used to be just machines and are gaining more bells and whistles like cars and refrigerators if that makes sense. but the more we push for these things to be repairable by us the consumers id hope that would change, or there would at least be options that dont need specific companies to repair them or else they blow up

[whichcouldmeannothing]

paper rings (teacher!spiderdads)

this is dedicated to ran podiumspray who helped me get this idea all fleshed out idk maybe if i get like 20 notes I'll write it fr idkkk

EDIT: read chapter 1 here!

-

Someone drops their lunch tray on the table with a large bang. Miguel sighs before he looks up at Jess, who sits across him at the table. He always hopes that maybe he's intimidating enough that no one will sit near him in the canteen, that maybe people still believe that rumour that Mister O'Hara actually is a vampire who sucks people's blood.

But even if that were true, Jess would probably still sit across him and gossip.

Jess has been the closest thing Miguel has to a friend in this place, so he knows that she knows that he's not being an asshole when he continues to write down his lesson plan in his notebook. He's an excellent listener, she's said before. And she only comes by if she has something juicy, something Miguel cares about.

"I heard Parker got divorced," She says, twisting open her apple juice.

Miguel's pen stops moving.

He looks up at her.

He turns to where Peter is standing in line. A kid is engaging him in a lively conversation, and his eyes are bright in the way they always are. But Miguel, under Jess' guidance, knows how to sniff out details. Something something literature something something. He can see the dark stubble dotting his chin, the unironed shirt and the dark circles under his eyes.

"He could just be stressed," Miguel offers.

"He's not wearing his wedding ring." Okay, maybe he's not the best at looking for things yet. Miguel squints, and he can't see the glint of silver that Peter usually flaunts.

"What are we talking about?" Someone's puffy cardigan presses against Miguel's arm, and he has to close his eyes before registering Lyla beside him.

"Can you come with a bell? So I can be prepared for when you pop up and ruin my lunch." His assistant stares at him, unimpressed. She's never been scared of him, and that lets her get away with too much. He hates it.

"I'm not a cat, you're just a bitch." Eloquent as always. She follows Jessica's line of sight, and she jumps in her seat "Talking about Parker's divorce?"

She says it loud enough that people around them are turning to look at his table, and Dios mio, Parker is looking at him from the stall and he wants to die. He can eat in his cubicle. He takes his entire tray and walks out of the cafeteria.

He walks straight to the lounge, scanning his ID and walking forward and turning to the left and right, with one last right to get his cubicle. The cubicles are set by order in seniority, so a small carpeted wall separates him from Parker's mess of a desk.

He sets his tray down, and in the air-conditioned silence of the room, he eats. It's lonely, but it's peaceful. It's tranquil. He eats his salad and finishes his lesson plan. He drinks his apple juice. The only thing left on his tray is the cookie, kept in a white paper bag.

He stares at the carpeted divider. His is sparsely decorated, with two photos pinned up. One of his brother at the beach, and one of tiny Gabriella with her uncle at the same beach.

Miguel is a family man. That's all he has to be. He wakes up, makes Gabriella's food for school, sends her off, goes to work, picks her up and takes care of her. He meets Gabriel once a week for family bonding. Sure, he doesn't have much of a life outside that, but he doesn't need one. He's fine.

The cookie isn't his favourite. It's too sweet for him. He keeps looking at the wall.

He knows that on the other side of that wall, Peter's wall is full of notes and letters from his old students. Different cards in every single colour of Post-It note, all thanking him for the impact of his teaching.

Now, he's divorced.

The man so proud of his wife and his toddler, the man who would flaunt her so much, the staff is well aware of Mary Jane Watson-Parker and Mayday Parker's day-to-day escapades. Similar to Miguel, he holds his family as a priority.

Something that feels like concern tugs at him. He tries to squash it down. Peter has been one of the worst colleagues he's ever had. He goes on tangents in his class more often than actually teaching, he rewards the smallest step forward, and he's remarkably laid-back. On paper, he's a terrible teacher.

He's a horrible seatmate, music almost always loud enough to be heard in Miguel's cubicle and always ready to lean over and ask Miguel stupid questions about his class and his day. They're the only two teachers who joined from their year to have stayed in Romita Senior High School, but that's where their similarities end.

But the man's going through it. And as much as Miguel thinks he's a nuisance, he's not (He sighs.) the worst thing on the planet. He stands up and takes his cookie. He walks five steps and places it on the mountain of papers he calls a desk.

Is that too cheesy? Too vague? Too incomprehensible?

He hears the lounge open, and he sees a familiar spike of greying brown hair walking forward, about to take a right.

Miguel panics. He looks around for- aha- a pen and draws a haphazard smiley face on the bag. It's shakey, and Gabriella can do better. But Gabriella is a saint, of course she could do better.

Miguel runs back to his seat and stays completely still. He starts counting. Peter walks past his cubicle, his cheap cologne smelling very faintly of cedar and vanilla.

"Oh, nice." Peter says. "Free cookie."

Miguel feels underwhelmed. Maybe he'll never do anything nice ever again.

-

[dragon-queen21]

this is a spur of the moment, no plannings going into this one because im not doing very well but shhh!!!!

(first off, im sorry i didnt say something sooner, ive been seeing your concerning posts lately. are you okay? seriously? i dont know if this is a line im crossing but if you want i could drop my blog if you ever need to vent. im sorry if thats too much i don’t understand things like this sometimes, but i genuinely hope your okay.)

but i wanna speak about lil sanji real bad, because i had a dream i was little and ive been having a lot of ideas about him lately and i need to project. also in honor of the sanji fan zine thats coming out (and that im totally not considering buying for 85 dollars as a early birthday gift) (or late since it ships in march lol)

- um idk i feel like hes a quiet little, especially before the crew found out he was a regressor, he doesnt really wanna talk, he just wants to be around someone. like i can see him pre coming out finishing like lunch or something and coming out and just sitting with nami and robin and theyre like “hello sanji kun do you need anything?” only to be confused when he doesnt start twirling like a love sick school girl.

^ or him going up to zoro PEACEFULLY and just plopping down and zoros fighting DEMONS not to say something brash and ruin the moment because sanjis clearly not in the mood, or if he looked close enough, not in the right headspace to deal with a attitude

-or even post coming out i imagine him just making everyone take a turn in holding him, not like pick up holding just. in the aquarium or something sitting on someones lap holding him close. give my guy some comfort PLEASE

- has one specific stuffed animal he keeps with him all the time. like first thing he asks for when hes tiny, f pacis, f sippys, give him his STUFFIE!!!!!!!!! youll never guess what it is (its a fish)

- i know a lot of people say sanji woukd be scared of the bigger members of the crew, and i so agree with that, but BUT the bigger members of the crew holding sanji like a actual baby? proportionally hes closer to the size of one if their hands

- no thoughts in this guys head, its just straight static. when hes younger, he has to like actually try to force two coherent thoughts together. i dont know he regresses really little a lot of the time, id say he stays closer to babyspace/toddlerspace than anything on the older side (he has so much trauma to work through)

ok im done im really sad so im gonna go to something productive to not. be sad byeebywwbyewww

📷

Thank you. I am just… having a time of it right now. People are… cruel, we’ll just leave it at that. And no your not crossing any line, if anything your words warmed my heart. I’m doing alright. Not the best not the worst just, fine.

I’m sorry you’re going through things as well :< We can suffer and be sad together <3

~~~

~I’ve seen talk about that zine floating around. 85 dollars is a lot but it would be fun to get.

Let me know if you do get it!

~“twirling like a love sick school girl.”

<- okay that made me chuckle. I can imgine there were so many alarm bells going off in their head. And maybe the just think that “oh Sanji’s… quiet”

~Zoro just aggressively chomping down on his sword and training to keep himself from saying something he knows will be stupud and unhelpful. And Sanji just seems so… soft and Zoro is like 95% sure this is some horrible mistake

~Attention starved. He’s just attention starved. Give the baby cuddles

~I’m quite partial towards the head canon of Zoro buying him a stuffed turtle. Sanji looking back and forth between Zoro and the plush before declaring “moss.” With no other explanation. Is that the plushes name? Is he just saying Zoro’s name? Who knows, certainly not Zoro.

~See I’m telling you. Caregiver Franky + babyspace Sanji. Just kdbjdbd best duo. (I just really really love cg Franky)

[strxbrymochi]

random when you're sick jaemin drabble

pairing: jaemin x reader (i tried to make it gen neutral djsjsjs)

words: like less than 1k ish??

warnings: mentions of sickness, illness, id say it be too close to home fr

synopsis: basically you're sick and jaemin's here to comfort you as much as he can long distance style.

note: a random ass drabble i came up w as im lying in bed sick for the 4th day and after a conversation i had with my mom bc i needed an outlet lol (its like 99% based on real life events other than the fact that i unfortunately do not have a jaemin with me 💔)

you absolutely despised being sick. okay, maybe sometimes you would be okay with it because it served as a formidable excuse to get out of work or your responsibilities for a couple days but that was when "sick" constituted to simply a cold or a fever that passes over the next day, not when you're tied down to the bed and the toilet every second of every day.

you wake up one day to shivers, brushing it off, you continue on with your day, heading over to work. on your way to work, you start feeling dizzy, nausea hitting you. you take a pill to calm down and make your way to your shift. today, you were working at a small fast food chain restaurant and if things couldn't get any worse, you were assigned to deal with the blowtorch. the heat from the fire and small space rushing all the way to your head but you push through, making it to the very end of your 3 hour shift.

making your way to your next appointment, you scavenge for food to hopefully give you back your appetite. you haven't eaten a proper decent meal all day; only crackers before you drank your pill. oh, and did i forget to mention, you headed into work with a 38 degree fever; claiming "to be fine" because you needed the hours to sustain your living expenses in a foreign country all alone.

at your meeting, you're met with fatigue. a wave of exhaustion rushes over you and coughing fits take over. your brain barely processing what was being discussed, only speaking when directly being asked a question. but still, you push through, ensuring everyone around you that you were going to be okay. that it will all brush away soon and that you really are just tired. your fever has reached close to 40 degrees.

you sigh, throwing your phone on your bed. on any other day you would have loved to talk to jaemin, especially now that you two were oceans apart. it killed you to know that if only you hadn't moved he would be right there and you could see him in person. that alone would've been all the medicine you need to get better. but alas, life had other plans.

the next couple days consisted of sleep, wake up, repeat. occassional trips to the toilet and visits from coughing fits disrupting your sleep that make you sound like you're entering into an entirely different dimension. you had absolutely no energy-- to eat, to move, to do anything really. when you said you needed a break, this wasn't what you meant.

jaemin would call you, or attempt to call you and you would pick up, if you were awake and if you were in the mood to speak. he would send you daily messages to drink your medicine, eat meals, get some rest. you knew he was worried and it killed you not to be able to ensure some type of reassurance everything was going to be fine. you knew if he found out what you had been actually doing, you would never hear the end of it.

one night you had awoken from your nap struggling to find something to eat, let alone the energy to consume anything. at this point, your stomach is practically bounded to an electrical heating compress to temporarily soothe your pains. you weren't sure if you were getting any better. your fever was relatively gone sure, but the coughs, stomach pains and diarrhea remained. let alone, that morning you almost passed out in the toilet, hearing muffled, ears ringing, vision blurred. all you could do is pray.

well, at least your sense of humor was back.

---

LOL such an abrupt ending idk i just needed an outlet to express how im currently feeling and whats been going on these past few days so if theres a delay with mtt or my other stuff i apologize once again 😭😭 need all the prayers and support i can get fr; being sick is one thing, being sick in a foreign country alone is another story. for anyone else who has gone thru or is currently going thru same thing, i hope yalls feel better soon and that know things will get better! bc i know thats what i need rn 🫡

[fivveweeks]

hi its me it's verdante angst anon (angstnon? idk) again

shaking ur hand SHAKING UR HAND you get me you get me you fuciigndnsn get me

"They're a tragedy, the both of them. Dante's fine with that. (They have to be, they have no choice in this) Given enough time a tragedy turns into a comedy. Maybe they'll be able to laugh about this in the end. Maybe it'll even be divine."

you don't undertsysnds how feral i am about these two. i am firm staunch zealous believer in verg not seeing himself being worthy of like anything good not until he has payed for his sins or wtvr he wants that to mean. i think he exercises a lot of self control to make sure he has like an arm and a leg and several bodies worth of space between him and anyone trying to get close to him (xcept Charon ofc). actively turns and runs from that shit bc 1. he doesn't deserve it. 2. he literally does not have the time for that shit

dnate on the other hand— chronic workaholic, to the point they can and will push personal feelings aside for the sake of their job. if u look up the word professionalism you WILL see Dante Limbus Company as a synonym. they keep their feelings in check (under several locks and keys) in the back of their mind aging like fine wine. they're aware they're not a choice and they're okay with it. it's their fault anyway, they're such a silly little fool.

it has always been doomed from the start. do you understand? it has always been hopeless. it was never meant to be.

dante knew/knows/accepts this, they do not have a choice. (but then again when do they ever?)

ANON YOU'RE SO FUCKING INSANE I NEED TO TWIRL U AROUND LIKE HOLY SHIT U GET IT!!!

YOU HAVE NO IDEA how much of a firm believer i am about Dante being a chronic workaholic. NOBODY FUCKING TALKS ABOUT IT YET BUT literally i do not think they need to sleep/they cannot sleep/gets little to no sleep at all and instead spends all their time up night reviewing battle plans and rewatching past battles on their little PDA. its a combination of anxiety and wanting to step up as a better manager (if we take into account of limbus players dissecting the gameplay meta of EGOs and ids we can literally translate that into Dante pouring over how to better manage the sinners). god forbid them from stepping out of line due to personal feelings bc they a) do not want to piss off vergilius and risk his wrath b) do not want to piss off vergilius bc they respect him (and like him) as a coworker, a boss, a color fixer and their guide too much. they are the EPITOME of professionalism. their work and responsibilities as a manager COMES FIRST

Vergilius too, you put it into words on him as a person. Literally he doesnt think he deserves it AND he doesnt have the time for that shit (for real verg in canon seems to really hate ppl wasting his time over trivial shit). i think even theres some distance between him and charon but he mostly crosses the space bc he's too guilt bound to deny charon some form of connection (bc it is his fault in the first place), so he is soft to her and her only.

it's like watching two parallel lines running along each other and no matter how close they get they will NEVER touch ever. ISNT THAT A TRAGEDY???

but its not all angst, they at least find a little light in the situation. verg would come to appreciate how dante respects him and his circumstances and would be pleased that they are like-minded enough to keep things professional between them, so he is comfortable in confiding in dante on certain topics (in canto 2 where verg and dante stands together by the side to watch the sinners get their ass peeled and verg telling dante why they should experience it for once lives rent free in my head bc he actually bothered to explain to dante wauhgshfh). he admits that dante is the only sinner that he can have a convo with. he fucking told dante to not befriend him after sharing a little history on charon. dante would appreciate the little moments they get to spend with him

just brief pockets of time with each other, despite everything. i like to think they are both the kind of ppl who would accept that things are just not meant to be, so they will take what little they can (what little they're allowed).

in the grand scheme of lcb and the city they are both nothing but a pair of pawns trying to make the best of their situation without getting in the way. they have no choice.

and to come across another who understands this is a rare, rare gem in their crapsack world, so how can we blame them for having a little bit of pining among the acceptance. mutual respect blooming into requited love that is unable to be acted upon. a divine comedy in its own right. im going to kms

[neolxzr]

if you wanna yap more about the au id love to hear btw!! and can't wait to see the little comics if out post them :D

OK PERHAPS JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE ...

(revision after i wrote everything. it was not a little bit)

i imagine it all starts off where till is off doing his normal cryptid hunting things in the woods on like a friday evening and happens to catch a glimpse of sua and ivan outside of a spaceship in the middle of the woods. he watches one of them transform into their human form from a far distance, and manages to snap a singular blurry photo. the flash goes off and gives away his location, though, so he instinctually runs off before he can see more

(btw, the disguises don't change their clothes, only their body. the human clothes are real. although they were probably synthesized through weird alien technology or they stole them not 100% sure yet)

cut to monday, he's in class, and one of his teachers introduces two new students who have just transferred to their school from some unspecified other country. till is immediately like THATS THE ALIEN I SAW BEFORE and the two of them also talk strangely and have some weird device attached to their ears. he calls them out for being aliens, in front of the entire class, very embarrassingly, though of course this gets him nowhere.

i dont have like this ENTIRELY planned out at the moment but pretty quickly the main 4 settle into a sort-of friend group. mizi is incredibly friendly and befriends the two new students immediately, and till reluctantly spends as much time as possible with the two of them out of wanting to protect her and keep an eye on them for possible funny business. mizi doesnt NOT believe till that ivan and sua are aliens, but she befriends them anyway. till and ivan immediately settle into the type of relationship the two of them had in anakt canonically---they're constantly bickering and probably getting into fights in the hallway.

as much as mizi and till are best friends, mizi is quite the busy gal. she's always involved with school events and is in multiple clubs so she's only free during lunch about twice a week, of which she always spends with till. the rest of the week, till spent that time alone until the aliens showed up. he doesn't think about it for a while but eventually realizes that maybe theyre not so bad to have around. till's mom tells him after a few months of having them around that he seems happier. he's not sure what to think about that

this au is just lighthearted silliness mostly, ivan coming up with (real? fake?) world-conquering schemes to rile up till and get his attention and mizisua slowly developing a very cute romance. some aliens come to earth and accidentally learn how to love.

i think what i settled on for ivan and sua is that they were in fact sent to earth to do some kind of scouting of the planet to see if its worth anything for their crazy conquering alien empire, but they pretty quickly discover that they actually kind of like it there despite all its flaws. they are eventually discovered (by a familiar face maybe?) as being "traitors to the empire" or whatever but itll all end up fine in the end i promise i have no angst bones in my body

if this was like a serialized TV show i would imagine after enough time has passed and its clear the aliens aren't really a threat to mizi or humanity or anything like that till just kind of accepts the fact that theyre here and part of his life and he allows himself to be fascinated by their existence and their technology. ivan shows him his disguise willingly and till probably stares into his eyes which look like tiny galaxies and its pretty gay. if i was a more prolific fic writer the ivantill romance would be such a slowburn

so like assuming this is a tv show like the first season (or maybe even two? idk) of the show would be almost entirely set on earth and then once some big season finale event thing happens they start having adventures in space afterwards. i want mizi and till to get alien disguises at some point i love drawing aliens if that wasnt obvious

OK SORRY this got out of hand i didnt mention everything cuz i wanna have some surprises but thats a bunch of my ideas ^_^

[oexen]

cw hoarding + mentions of animal and child neglect

is it really gonna take me telling my mother its extremely concerning to have PILES of cat waste just. around. in the house

like i know shes going to flip the fuck out at me in some way or another, be very angry or sad or hurt or some secret other option and like. she misgenders and deadnames me as if i never shared the info with her, the crux of our relationship is financial and thats even pretty minimal. like yeah maybe its sincerely not my problem and i KNOW you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped, but i dont want to inherit a cat piss soaked infested brick.... thing. no fucking way dude. that shit realistically probably has to be gutted ngl, its fucking awful. shes a hoarder and never really touched my old bedroom so i have some stuff there, stuff id actually like to take even, but the smell is literally pervasive to the point that books smell like it on the fucking inside.

like shes actually at the point her neckbeard nest doesnt register as a problem to her. even with... another person who is not me having to actually go inside of the house??? i like cannot fathom whats going on inside that god forsaken head of hers, she asked me why i was wearing a mask inside and turned around and walked away before i could even say anything, lmfao.

i couldnt spend more than one night in her house and had a mask on the whole time because it fucking blew so hard to be in there. this fucking idiot got 3 huge WORKING dogs (pyrenees and a burmese mtn dog) because its "in her life plan" (news to me lmao!) and tldr she impulse bought them because theyre cute. shes never fucking home, works 9-5 and theyre crated a lot of the time and its fucking horrible to see, i freaked the absolute fuck out on her when i first heard that she had new puppies like what 2 years ago? fucking neglecting the elderly dogs she already had in favor of getting these for some fucking reason, "no more dogs after this one dies" turns into 3 giant stupid fucking untrained, neglected mistakes. the singular saving grace is that they have a big yard to run around in, but that doesn't do a hell of a lot of good when it's hot and this idiot refuses to walk them when shes home anyway. couldn't possibly be because theyre untrained and will drag her stupid ass down the street fr. i think im going to literallt snail mail the next door neighbor or maybe even both of them because like.... what the actual fuck is she doing with these dogs. GET HELP.

ive been telling this absolute knob for YEARS she needs to chill out and do something else (like 3 of her closest blood relatives died in the past several years, 2 of which she was literally caretaking, and she still volunteers at a fucking hospice and has NEVER SOUGHT BEREAVEMENT COUNSELING, LET ALONE COUNSELING IN GENERAL), she keeps saying shes fucking fine and we have LITERALLY had the exchange where she says it to my face and i gesture around and say CLEARLY!!!!!

Anyway. the dogs. shes going to get worse and i know it and im just so disgusted by the prospect of having to like lay it all out probably because no one else will, and i guess i care because its literally affecting me, i sat and wrote all this because im cleaning stuff i took from her house like books and SEALED ITEMS THAT ALSO SMELL LIKE CAT PISS ON THE INSIDE OF THE PACKAGING????????? and got triggered. but whatever. this woman treated me like shit and neglected me for my entire childhood and turns it around and goes WHATDIEVERDOTOYOU if i so much as refuse a hug even this far down the line, its been nearly 10 years since ive lived with her, and like. holy fuck. and she doesnt have a single fucking clue lol like idk its also just like pathetic and sad to see a person go through this, even though she gives me mmmm essentially nothing but feelings of disgust when i really think about it. its just fucked and everyones dying or doesnt care or doesnt feel like they can say anything and im like. idk. i could literally bring this up to lots of people she knows, i could find a damn way, but like yaknow..... it fucking sucks so hard to have to do all this bc this woman is literally severely mentally ill and needs a fucking hand but it sure as shit isnt going to be mine, at least not physically. god.

[s0lar-ch3ri]

ep 51-52 spoilers but i gotta get the thoughts out man (also some for ep 2 of the black rose pirates oneshot)

ok so im going to do it all at once but like the amount of times i panicked with gill and shit over things like the moment the arm was mentioned i KNEW it was jon and how gillion risked so much to save him

(imagine a world where gillion didnt make it and slowly froze to death and was comforted by the ideas of jay and chip making it yet felt ashamed and disappointed as he couldn't save jon or pretzel and on the other side it could be either jay or chip wanting to stay longer and trying to get them back or them both just sobbing at the door because gills fucking dead and- i should stop hurting me emotionally huh)

back to what actually happened im so happy they all ended up fine and shit and id help gill with a villain arc if they did both die (both being jon and pretzel)

more about gillion its just something with how his "insult" wasnt really an insult but rather something he believed that he knew would hurt chip. something how grizzly also used the word sin for dark secret and then gillion talks how he got banished and he probably was very nervous about it going south yet they thought his punching of the navy was kickass.

the fact that gillion hugged jay thinking she was his sister is so sweet yet i could tell from the beginning that edyn wasnt real. i just got the sense for pain man

take gill giving chip a ring and him getting flustered about it whatever way ya want, im just thinking how fucked hed be if jay and chip did indeed fight each other (also you cant tell me that he wasnt taught it by his sister and his test was pretzel who knew how dangerous it could have been yet he could tell she wanted to bond it and so gill has a ring on him somewhere and they pretend that the magic is still in effect and it makes them even closer then before)

chip was a fucking bastard with the whole secret pressuring thing, and grizzly knew. and he used it to fuck up their friendship harder. making the people chip cares for the most (which btw thats so fucking cute writing bout that next) attack him and having someone jay cares about attack someone she also cares about maybe even more while giving gill such a tame one is grizz's plan. worst part is gillion would be used to them teasing each other so he may brush the growing hatred off as just something human friends do. GOD GRIZZLY WHY ARE YOU SO GOOD AT THIS

theres something sweet about bizly telling grizz the people chip cared for the most was jay and gillion because it sounds like he didn't mention arlin, implying chip cares for gillion and jay more then arlin and thats beautiful.

my heart hurts seeing the idea of chip having such bad trust issues and wondering if these guys actually care for him yet he pulls up the wall with insults manned and ready just so that he doesn't need to accept that people he cares about exist and doesn't need to worry about them going away and i made myself pain again AHHHHHHHH

i remember seeing a post about jay being an easy crier and how it doesnt make her any less a girlboss and i fully heartedly agree because aprt of her girlbossness she can acknowledge her barriers and when shit crosses the line and she doesnt hide it up and maybe that inspires chip and gill to be more open about their boundaries and emotions and ill stop before i make more pain but yeah def proven by the flesh room

i dont know if anyone else made the comparison but yall know when finn arlin and dray were going down the hallway and each got flashbacks and shit? the mirages were probs a reference and it was the same order too (charlie, bizly, then condi) and i freaked when i realized!

of course jon is what got gillion pumped up and bsck to his gill self because theyre gay af guys

that ring thing between gill and chip was so fucking gay omfg i hope they keep them happy pride month

the fact that gill just had to be in the middle of chip and jay fighting and idk why i do this to me but maybe he felt bad cause of the shit he said cause while jay and chip said a ton of things and they did feel bad a bit what if gillion felt like he had fucking sinned with this insult because of how bad chip seemed to feel and he just cant help but feel like he helped and all that and god how let me be a fan fic writer

okay comfort for me now (its poly pirates i love them ok) but since gill believed jay enjoyed the clown outfit (plus she mentiondd that she gave up on her dreams) he ends up trying to make one and hes a lil nervous but he asks chip for help and jay just finds them in the room with gill practicing sowing as chip helps him make a clown outfit and jay just is mesmerized by how hard gillion is trying and how chip is just so calm with him and they seem as though this is one of the most important tasks of their lives (for chip its more of making gill happy by helping him learn to sow) and after a bit jay goes back up and what do you know 1 or 2 hours later jay is given a wrapped box by gill who seems very excited and ahe opens it and finds the clown outfit chip helped make and she glances up to see chip give gill a thumbs up and wink and she smiles and tears up at how much effort they spent into making this

more poly pirates comfort coming next post but its really just gonna be writing fanfic ideas that i WILL make after i write a couple moee chapters of my scu fic

[skyeateyourdonuts]

wait wait wait. some ppl thought azira was ooc for the end s2?? as if it doesnt make complete sense??? and also i actually have issues with most of the theories bc to me it just seems like metatron (a) was in the right position, (b) had the right words, (c) exuded the exact amount of pressure all to get azira to agree like!!! its a manipulation tactic!! he was almost guaranteed to get the angel on board.

to aziraphale tho i think he has a plan. i think theres more things hes contemplating in that elevator than we realize Including that maybe he felt betrayed that crowley didnt trust him?? that crowley wasnt seeing how They could manipulate heaven into both stopping the second coming and changing the system for the better. like just think about it they always make plans to solve things and get each other out of trouble and crowley solved the biggest mystery of s2 so why didnt he trust aziraphale to solve the Next big mystery aka the second coming?? and im not aaying this as me bc they were miscommunicating but i think that was just one of many thoughts azira had in that elevator

"you wont help me ..? :(.... Fine. >:( I can do it myself."

aziraphales priorities by the end of the gabriel conflict are metatron and heaven and where he stands and how theyve been wrong and messed up and how that can change

crowleys priorities are by the end pf the gabriel conflict are talking to aziraphale and sealing the deal that they choose each other.

theyre just on different pages and tho crowley is fully done with heaven and hell and doesnt even want to bother with them anymore, aziraphale does. and not in the "i trust u" way bc i think he doesnt Trust anyone from heaven but he is Fucking Scared!!! of everyone up there and the Ineffable Plan™ and i gotta be honest the solved s1 but it doesnt mean heaven and hell werent gonna try again??

idk im not against either of them and the things they decided to focus on and i just want them to communicate and i have hope that in s3 aziraphale succeeds in stopping the second coming but that he gets some form of help from crowley and thus they have a chance to rlly talk it out and make up <3

* id also like to add that im proud of them for trying to communicate for the first time!! no it didnt go well and yes they resorted to some things that probably hurt one another but that means they have so much room for improvement!!! u make a mistake once, u think it over, and then u know how to solve that situation the right way!! thats just trial and error its how relationships work <3

[cardistrymagic]

MI7 spoilers (my long rant)

extremely religious takes on the enemy lmao. i think because i'm a sucker for tech being used in spy movies that the airport scene was my favourite. 1. ethan not being found through the cctv- what a fun intro! 2. benji with the bomb- nice to see him do something...( i mean you made me think him running in the airport trailer scene was important 🙄)

IMF team: luther talked more than he has in other movies and i demand more. thanks. i kinda wish they'd use the team more ig. because they are literal field agents so they can fight? i hope? and the whole train scene benji was just gone like waiting thinking "wow he should be here by now" like LET HIM DO SOMETHING!!!

the fact that the entity has control over lots of techy stuff so benji n luther cant really do much??? makes me sad. like let them talk to each other :( i like the gadgets. i liked the little banter luther n benji had.

lastly- the scene where ethan jumps off the cliff- only women are in his flashbacks?? like i thought we'd established the IMF team as his. family lowkey y'know. it was just like okay...

in venice: white widow wasnt bad i guess. the benji dupe voice- love how it played on ethan's loyalty! i think it showed well how dangerous the enemy was- but for some reason i'm still more afraid of the past villain- lane, due to the many examples and horrors he's actually committed. ig im not into the blue ai enemy.

grace: my one thing is that i get that she might have had to be brought into the team to be safe BUT compared to ilsa, she is a pickpocket. a crime commiter at best. she is not at the level of a field agent (unless plot armour??) . not much fighting skills. to me she's kinda a liability. not to mention her constantly running away like. i was endeared to her at the airport because of her confidence. i get that maybe she becomes aware of the world-threatening shitshow she's been dragged into unwillingly but still. idk if she's cut out for the job. compared to ilsa a literal ex-agent with ties to MI6. even on the goddamn train she didnt really trust ethan YOU almost DIED?! if not for the plot armour of ethan parachuting into the carriage. girl literally almost killed him by handcuffing him to the car like very funny he just saved your life. literally not trusting ethan on the piano scene What? i dont care thats shes a orphan you've literallly been through so much. with ethan.

one second she's like not able to do much besides throwing a key around. on the other hand she can fight knife to knife with a super skilled killer (gabriel) like what? a citizen thrown into stuff out of her league-driving a car (she cant) playing a good white widow (id forgive her for never doing this ever) and the train (ok thats fine) like i just dont see the value of her being in the team besides being able to play. a woman? which im sure the og team could do to be honest. . can grace shoot a gun?

btw i feel like her relationship w/ ethan moves so fast?

grace: i dont trust you. i will let the police capture you. you saved my life but im still running!! i messed your plans up (sorry)

ethan:( holds her face) my life is worth less than yours.

What is this intimacy??affection idk closeness? i know ethan is a loyal guy but???

villain: dark messiah. death as a gift. ghost. ai. gabriel (angel wow) i love more religious imagery. the flashback was like a decent window into ethan lore BEFORE imf (oooo) but i just dont really get what gabriel wants? the entity is messing shit up already. and gabriel seems to already work with it (comms faked in venice) i assume that ethan is a variable the entity needs to eliminate but just kill him? hahaha? gabriel probably likes seeing ethan suffer but compared to lane's stuff i'm not really. amused. (ethan literally has nightmares about lane)

also paris i didnt even know if they ever said her name? she was angry and dressed up and had some rabid dog scenes (like go girl) but i hope she does more in the next part! like the part where she holds up ethan and grace with a stab wound (woah. strong)

other stuff: the dutch angles being used in like 50% of the shots like CALM DOWN i love the mi:1 references but were they always so disorieting maybe im just getting old

the scenes? ilsa dies and ethan looks a bit distressed. the scene where they're hugging was so like woah okay but felt really like. shoved in there like. Okay yeah something bad is gonna happen to her 😭😭

in the end, rogue nation + ghost protocol are still my #1s. characters like brandt and ilsa had really interesting backgrounds and fit into the IMF team easily- the films centering around their teamwork is why i got so into MI in the first place. grace doesn't offer any like addition i dont think she can even bicker with the team for funsies (like brandt/ilsa) . she's not cool shes a poor girl that didnt know what she was getting into 😭

things i did like:

action scenes. awesome((besides the lack of luther and benji there)) ilsa being awesome in the desert

the cinematography (beautiful. as always.)

everyone in suits ( lawyer ethan. benji. )

thanks for reading and feel free to yell at me about your thoughts!!!!!

[fakeangellsism9]

This is a vent blabla who cares

God I am SO lonely and everytime I’m reminded of this simple fact it feels like I’ve been stabbed and made to drink rat poison it’s just this unbearable pit in the bottom of my stomach and it drives me insane to put it blankly I’ve never told anyone this nor plan too because I realize how insane I sound but sometimes it gets to the point where I’m like in my head talking to this girl that I’ve been in love with since middle school and I still know her ofc, she knows that I like her and she’s flirted with me in recent and I don’t think she quite knows how much that fucks with my head because I know it’s never going anywhere she doesn’t like me that way she never has I got sidetracked but I talk to her in my head as if she were right in front of me full conversations and I struggle to drag myself out of it sometimes idk when it started or why I do it

I do the same with my own friends sometimes arguments whatever conversations literally anything I know it’s like weird and probably really creepy but I just like can’t seem to stop my brain id say it’s intrusive but I’d be lying if I said I didnt also entertain it sometimes idk

It’s worse because I don’t just feel lonely relationship wise I feel completely and utterly alone and unlovable I saw this reel (I know don’t bully me) and it said something that resonated with me so extremely

It was something along the lines of “I don’t think people understand how much not being in a relationship during your teen years really effects your brain” like I was alone the entirety of my developmental years and it definitely did make me feel horrible and all these terrible things that I’m unlovable and ugly and undesirable undeserving of anyone or anything and I still feel like that I’m only 18 and I know there’s plenty of fish in the sea or whatever and that someone out of the 8 billion people is my person but it’s never felt that way

This girl that I love and she surely has to know that I love her because I told her and she told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship which is fine that perfectly reasonable but here’s where I start to lose that understanding we ofc didn’t talk much after I did that and made things weird between us because ofc I would and maybe a year or less goes by and we start talking again because I joined this thing that apparently she also joined it’s awkward but we end up talking again and end up just being the bestest of pals she’s sort of flirty with me reading off countless pickup lines and just being that way I try and reciprocate it to the best of my ability and it never felt like she wanted me to her response to me was usually silence and raised eyebrow that’s not how it was always she still did go along with it quite a few times but that’s all it ever felt like her just going along with it she mentioned something to me first day of us meeting again “you know I don’t want to be alone forever right” and I said “yeah, neither do I” the last day I saw her it was the last of our little program thing and she walks me to the school like she had done every single day with me and we find out to actually enroll into the college we needed this other thing blabla we walk back to the college after getting it and I start cramping really bad and I just say “I think I’m just gonna get my parents to pick me up from here” and she said ok and looked kinda down idk I didn’t break eye contact with her once and she kept going to say something and eventually just gave up and said goodbye I still wonder what she wanted to say and that was last time I saw her

I’ve been begging and crying to whatever higher power there is to just bring us together again I don’t care if she doesn’t want me I just want to talk to her like we used too

I get so lonely it feels like I am trapped within my own body desperately trying to claw my way out but there is no way out and I just have to get over it

[ocean-anchored]

Continued.... May 3, 24

Talks about us doing these things, or whatever else & I just fear that it's kind of just a fantasy. He wanted me to send him ring ideas which I did the other day even though I know that's not for a while. But then my brain stirred up. Like... its May. my lease is up August 1st. We have talked about end of summer wedding, but now that I actually look at this time of year, It's like.. it's a fantasy. Between him doing all this golf there's no time. He would have to propose literally next month which Im SURE is not going to happen, to have a month of planning which im SURE is not going to happen, to get married. Idk, I've lightly brought it up a few times like hey I know august is really soon like don't feel pressured & he says he's not at all. But it is soon. Maybe he doesn't realize that my lease is August 1st not september. & it's fine, its not like Id have to move in the day after, I know that's also going to be a massive change & having to try to move, but then they go right into busy season in September & Oct, like there's no time. I really just feel like this is all just a happy fairy tale thinking all of this stuff is going to happen, but it's not. I just hate feeling like I'm the one planning this future or wanting to keep my summer etc open just in hopes that he's here for every part of it. I can't. He's got enough golf & trips, like he still wants to go with his dad somewhere... like literally this summer is going to blink & be gone & I don't want to be sitting here hoping that I can be part of his summer... Anyways, as I wrote that I had to jump onto a meeting & then of course Coleson is up & comes to chat before heading to work. We talked through the distant feeling & last night, he just didn't want to wake me. Lots of reassurance. Ugh. He's really amazing, I hate that my brain builds these things up. I know & feel like I can talk to him about everything, no matter what, I just don't really know how to bring up the whole summer/feeling like I'm part of his plans etc. I think I just have too much expectation. The other night we were talking about his basement & what he wants to do with it but he did include me, said if there's anything you want to do or have down there then let's talk about it & see how we can do it together. I know he's been including me more into these things so I see it in glimpses. I just need to get out of my head, & I also need to stop having expectations, I think that's the biggest thing here, is I don't want to have any expectations this summer or for the rest of the year. Anything can happen & change, & I don't want to put pressure on any of this. I need to still continue living my life, & anything big that would affect him obviously he's going to be included, but I need to stop... "stopping making plans" for myself still & planning because I can't revolve around him.

[justablah56]

ee hee having a time at this lovely 1am , so . vent post ✌️

hmm . thinking about birthdays . my birthday was a few months ago , and I didn't really do anything for it . id planned to go do something but it was never the right time . and it was supposed to be a *big* birthday . my sweet 16 or whatever the fuck . but it just kept getting pushed back and back and back back back until now it's far too late and so I just ... didn't really get a birthday . it's not even like my family doesn't do things for birthdays , it's just that they didn't because I was *supposed* to get something big and then I didn't . idk . currently spiralling because I saw something and was like oh that'd be a fun gift , maybe I can ask for it next birthday and then thought back to this birthday because I didn't really get anything this year . none of the people closest to me did anything . I got money from grand parents and a card from the 3rd graders in the class I used to help out in and fun fanworks from mutuals on here , but like . nothing from my friends or family or any of the people i had kinda hoped would care about me most . and like - this isn't at all to play down the importance of the the things I *did* get , like - cause those literally completely made my day . I just- idk I feel selfish now for wanting more than I got but also just kinda wish someone close to me had noticed or something I don't know . I just kinda thought that maybe *this* birthday wouldve actually been something . that I would've gotten the confirmation I so clearly need that people I care about most actually care about me too and I kinda ... didn't . and like - I know it's kinda my fault , the party was my thing that I was supposed to at least kind of set up but I just wanted all my friends to be able to go and there was conflicting schedules and people didn't actually know when theyd be able to so I said okay that's fine ! just let me know when you can ? and they didn't so I just ... it didn't happen . and now it's around the time of two of my other friends birthdays so I can't just do it now , cause I'd feel like I was taking away from *their* time and just .... idk . I'm having a time guys .

[glitchdollmemoria]

big long diary esque ramble about jewish conversion below the cut bc mmmm the paragraphs

its sinking in that now that im finally settling into a synagogue i feel comfortable in, im gonna have a community i can celebrate the holidays with, and i can actually learn firsthand how to celebrate them... really fucking exciting

i dont know when ill be able to actually officially start the conversion process, both because im flat broke and idk how much everything would cost AND bc this synagogue is still looking for an official rabbi rather than guest speakers (transitional period since the last rabbi moved away), but in the meantime i feel like im very quickly being taken under the congregations collective wing yknow? so im excited to start celebrating jewish holidays with other people who know what theyre doing rather than having to cobble together what i can while i sit in my apartment lmao

overall im really really happy to finally be attending. its been way too long since ive been able to regularly attend a congregation. and this one is a conservative synagogue, and ive only ever attended reform synagogues before. the one i went to back in my old town was great, i adored the people there and the way we worshipped and everything was so comfortable, it was absolutely where i needed to be during that time. but based on my research and my experiences so far, im fairly confident conservative is the movement for me. this synagogue is definitely where im meant to be now, and my thoughts are basically... while my partner and i do have a plan on where we want to live someday, thats still years down the line most likely, bc im poor and hes in college, so im HOPING that this synagogue will be the one i attend throughout my conversion. i mean id be fine with starting here and having to transfer rabbis later but im mostly hoping ill be finished up before that time comes

theres something very familiar about this congregation. something in the grain of the wood, and in the worn out books of the library. its comfortable and welcoming and it tells me this is where im supposed to be, at least right now.

also - i keep thinking back to when i attended the reform synagogue in this city. the service itself was great, but i didnt really feel like i fit in with the others, especially the people my age. one of the other 20-somethings said that the people at the conservative synagogue were all "boomers" or smth who were unaccepting in some way or another, and idk if she had her own bad experience here which i really wouldnt want to brush off, but so far everyone has been very kind. i was immediately welcomed once i explained that im wanting to convert, multiple people went out of their way to help me and invite me to stay longer and attend more events. i was immediately regarded as a man, and maybe that was because i was wearing a suit and my voice is deep from hrt but it was still very reassuring either way - an older man told me very firmly to put on a kippah and while i joked with my friends that i felt like a kid being lightly chastised, it was still a really nice feeling to not only be seen as a man but to have someone insist on me following that custom.

and then afterward, over lunch, i was chatting with the other congregants and ended up talking about my partner, and referred to it with multiple pronoun sets and explained that it uses any pronouns. nobody was rude at all about that fact, and one man was clearly a little confused by me switching around words and pronouns but was very very obviously doing his best to be respectful and understand as best as he could. he said he was working on understanding these things better for his kids iirc.

overall i feel like this synagogue is a safe place for both myself AND my partner, should it ever visit and want to attend with me. yes, most of the people here are elderly, but everyone was friendly and so far people have been respectful when it comes to queerness and conversion. id say the worst thing i heard someone say was a small dig at reform judaism, but even then, another member was quick to shut him down.

it frustrates me a little to think that the people here might be getting labeled as intolerant in one way or another if thats not really the case, if its just because theyre older. again, i dont want to brush off any bad experiences someone else mightve had, but i also worry that there might be some preconceived notions at play here, yknow? but i guess in the end theres not much use dwelling on it. im just happy to feel at home in a congregation again, and to feel like im back on track making more progress toward my conversion. im glad to be meeting all these people and finding my place in a community instead of feeling so isolated so much of the time.