#like idk I get the feeling that 'parents don't always get it right but it doesn't mean they don't love their children'
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Why must things be so unfair? Why must I have to put in the extra effort to get noticed? Why can't I be more extroverted like every other girl. I wish I had some more friends so I can stop disappointing my parents. But every friend group I been in never think about me twice. Just the damn tag along, and once they leave me, none of them ever reach out to check on me.
What do you want from me? What are you looking for? I feel like I always fail people's expectations and I feel so lonely because if that.
I feel so selfish for even venting about this. The world could be ending for others right now and here I am crying because oh I don't have many friends irl.
I might be offline for a while today. I don't have the energy to talk in dms. Might respond to a few rps but not start new ones. Idk.
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Kind of a weird one, but I think it'd be cute if Zayn instructed Adaine on how to put on nail polish.
It just doesn't seem like a thing she got to play around with much, not even because the Abernants would be against it or anything but just because that poor girl was so repressed and uncomfortable in that house at all times. I think it just didn't even occur to her to play around with her appearance? She probably didn't get into makeup in the sense of self expression either, I just think it would've been expected of her to know how to "look presentable" (like cover up imperfections but never do anything too bold or unnatural). By fifteen a lot of teenage girls do makeup right? Idk, never got into it. But yeah Adaine was very stiff and always looked a certain way and never really personally decided what to look like until Highschool.
Then her friends help her pick out clothes, and I like to think Fig and Fabian cut her hair at some point. (And it's not even that big of a difference, but it just feels good to have a haircut that she herself asked for specifically, if that makes sense?) And then when she befriends Zayn, and maybe probably when they're in Mordred, it's just like hey yeah Zayn bedazzled himself he knows this stuff. Sitting in her wizard tower with him hovering next to her, being her second opinion on colours and "oh it's okay, don't worry too much about getting it on your skin it's easy to scrub off after it's dried". Reassurance and the occasional tip as teenage girl kind of anxiously sits in her room free (in a sense) of her shitty parents for the first time and feeling kind of euphoric about getting to be "normal" and silly?
I imagine if Adaine got comfortable enough in her own skin and processed some more of her trauma between junior and senior year and like, started being interested in other people she'd confide in Zayn about crushes and they'd be stupid highschoolers talking about cute people. I don't know if I think Adaine gets to that point?? But it's a cute hypothetical haha. For what it's worth I think Oisin (post rage crystal and very ashamed) has a crush on her and when she notices and tells Zayn he's like girl ew. Kill him?? He's very dramatic in my head. Or, I guess he's dramatic canonically lol. But I think he's more petty. He's funnier if he's petty.
Zayn isn't that important anymore when he stops being plot relevant so their friendship isn't expanded on a lot, but from what we've seen it's very dear to me. Cute wizard friends with shitty parents (and a big part of said shittiness is caused by conservative elven values) to bond over :)
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WHAT is it this reminds me so much of?? It's like...just pre-Britpop, mid-'90s, maybe even American indie of some kind? All the elements are familiar and I can't work out if they're familiar to one particular other song or band or what....
#i do like it and it's growing on me but there's something determinedly...not bland...idk...i'm a bit trepidatious about the new album actual#but then i was a bit that way before nature always wins and that one is genuinely good even if it's a bit too parental in the lyrics for me#unfortunately the end can be as good as the start seems more like this than like favourite songs too#i can practically hear it coming out of safe mid-afternoon local radio in my childhood?#favourite songs is a proper banger - nothing *new* but really classic maximo sound which is great to hear again#and the rest of the album could be more like that who knows. and they may well be songs that i feel differently about after hearing live#we'll find out in autumn i guess!#but i miss the sounds they were playing with in great art and north by northeast#look they're my beloveds i'm not going to hate it whatever it is#and they couldn't keep getting better and better haha that would be silly right haha#don't mind me just fretting over the obsolete middle aged indie band everyone thinks disbanded years ago because they're a part of me#not as a pleasure any more than i am always a pleasure to myself#mon the park#Spotify
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...
#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
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Saying Goodbye to My Mask event on project sekai may have been a premonition of having my own mental health tank to the same level as Mafuyu's because well. Let's just say. The depression. (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)
#miko talking#well. even though i try to get help it feels like my parents sabotage me more#the only comfort is realizing my feelings and wondering about it#frankly i dont like acknowledging them bc then i feel like im not playing up to the role everyone expects of me but#i want to express it in my stuff but I've been losing my will to keep drawing and writing and i guess#this is what depression is like. i just never expected to find myself actually going through it#i thought i left that era of havingthe worst time of my life but i feel like these past few years#are definitely my most worst#i think thats one thing games like pjsk has me realizing#and why i find comfort in n25#because to me they feel like pieces of me that have been written down#idk why im ranting lol??? i just want to be honest with how i feel but i end up going back to trying to be a people pleaser#ewwwww. i hate this. in truth i dont like people all that much. neither do i like making new friends#it's crazy because I'm always saying sure! when someone asks even though i know I'm not going to feel anything from it#sorry..... but I don't care enough anymore.... maybe one day i will#but right now not really..... at least at the moment.#these friendships with followers are in truth just parasociality and i dont want it after what happened the first time#especially with how two-faced/double standards people are like#people are the worst ^^ i wish the world was a kinder place for everyone but i dont know how much longer i can keep up with this#if only people minded their own business. im not someone to be babied by people who think they know better.#what a pain (◕ᴗ◕✿)
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The irony of trying to start a "pain journal" but being too fatigued and having too much brain fog from said pain to start one
#is that irony? idk. i can't think.#i try so hard not to get crabby when i'm in pain like i genuinely try so so hard to be kind and patient#posting this on fb not to make my parents feel bad but also maybe to show them how bad this is#far as i know i don't have scoliosis like my dad. i was checked growing up. but there has to be some kind of curve#and at this point i will not tolerate anyone telling me it's just posture because it canNOT be just posture now.#i wake up in pain now. at the moment it's so bad i was just crying and waddling and pacing#it's my spine right in my mid-back. like where my bottom ribs connect to my spine#trying to stretch. took some naproxen 3 hours ago and it genuinely did nothing. put some tiger balm on#does tiger balm make anyone else drowsy??? or is that just brain fog from the pain?#fatigue and brain fog are things i literally just realized. like this whole time i thought i was just a lazy person#needing to lie down for most of the day unable to concentrate on even fucking reading.#but no it turns out when you're in pain every day all day for at least 11 years it makes you foggy and exhausted.#the more you know#literally drag me by the hair to a doctor because i cannot do it. i cannot be told to just Do yOgA and go on birth control or w/e#if you're afab it's always gotta be your period huh. that's a physician's only answer.
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12 year old me was so right. I need to be kidnapped by a dashing outlaw to escape this fucked up living situation once and for all.
#like back then i didnt have any authority or rights or knowledge so i had to daydream about someone swooping in to take me away#never happened tho. welp.#15 years later and i could in theory get myself out of here bUT MY NON-CONFRONTATIONAL NATURE MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE LMAO#which means DASHING OUTLAW COME KIDNAP ME PLS!!!!!!!!#if i just had a plausible reason for wanting to move far away from my parents then i could do it#but i CANNOT under any circumstances tell them i need to get out because they traumatised me#and that i always regress and feel like absolute dogshit sharing space with them#because i KNOW they repressed all they did to me over the years and think everything's sunshine and roses#and they wanna keep me close. idk why because they don't really give a shit about me#anyway. DASHING OUTLAW COME KIDNAP ME PLSSSSS
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#can i be so fucking honest right now#being like the only one in my friend group who doesn't do or even want to try drugs is so fucking isolating#i don't even want to be around it but i can't fucking escape it#they're constantly getting high before or while we hang out and i'm so tired#like we planned to hang out this past weekend and of course i get there and one of them is high and all they wanted to do was sit and#quietly watch always sunny#like. thanks. i barely get to see you guys and the one night in like 3 months i do we don't even get to talk really. cool#and then their parents and parents' friends were smoking in the living room all night as well#and nobody thought to fucking warn me about this even though they know about my shit fuck brain#and then like. the other times when i've made plans with someone and they've bailed because they wanna go drink and get high#thanks i'm glad i'm so fucking boring to you#i don't get to go to a lot of get togethers anymore because they're full of drunk and/or high people#and i'm just. tired.#sick of my shitty fucking brain that doesn't let me chill#sick of feeling like i'm bringing people down and stopping them from having fun#because i don't want to spoil their fun. i want them to be happy#i just. idk. sometimes i really feel like they don't want to invite me out specifically because of this#like i miss out on so much because i have big anxiety about drugs#it's tiring and i'm tired and sad and angry at myself and. idk#today's been. a day i guess
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I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her#... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you#probably dead.#💖#vent
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Rereading ayaka is in love with Hiroko senpai!!! Last time I read it I don't think it was finished/I didn't finish it but ack. Now I also want to be in love 😭😭😭
#i want to say i want to be someone like ayaka but in reality im probably more like hiroko#i used to be someone like ayaka. i was really tunnel visioned and i didn't consider much aside from the person i was interested in#but it's been years now and there's a lot more to consider and it's. hard and im even more scared now.#i think there's someone who im currently talking with who's trying to figure out if im into women or not and if im available or not#but it's that sort of thing where there's just. a lot in my shoulders and a lot to consider. i want a relationship eventually but.#there's just so much to consider right now. in the past i thought that as long as i could make my partner happy a rx is just btwn 2 of us#but when i did actually get into a serious long term relationship i realized that most people. do expect getting to have in laws.#people for the most part want to be loved proudly and not have to hide it. and i do too. but at the same time. i just. there's so much on me#i almost came out to my dad the other day while trying to console him. but maybe that news would just be the last straw for him. idk.#i just can't really afford to have my life be shaken up much more right now when i just rebuilt some stability.#especially when my parents are having a midlife crisis and both of them are leaning on me. my health worsening also stressed them out too.#i really thought I'd be braver and have less to worry about the older i got and the more independent i became but. ig not.#in my teens i told myself once i reached adulthood I'd be free to be myself and pursue happiness. in my 20s i tell myself after med school.#maybe once I'm finally out of med school and etc I'll have the opportunity to live my life. or maybe by then there will be another reason.#it's a real concern. i mean. sure I've never wanted kids I've always been ace and I've always liked women but. the societal pressure.#to other queer people the gaydar goes off easily but to the cishet audience i've mostly. been able to go unnoticed.#and when you're younger not having a bf or ppl you're interested in and being focused on your studies is a thing your parents are proud of#but as i get older. it's just been harder. i don't know how much longer i have before i have to conform or have the cat out of the bag.#i don't even get it sometimes. i really don't. the expectation of family and marriage is wanting happiness for your child right? but somehow#idk. idk. i really don't know. sometimes maintaining an image. might be more important than your child's feelings.#and i really can't be certain that between ego and saving face compared to me that. I'll come out on top. i really don't know.#idk. idk. i know there are ppl interested in dating me. but idk. i really need some time to process things through.#sometimes i ask myself how i would feel abt it and i really can't figure out how i feel at all.#it's ok to date someone u don't love ig. i mean. I've done it before. you can make yourself like someone after a while. but idk if i.#idk i just. i think im just really scared. and I'll need at least another month or so before anything is back on the table.#it's honestly just me running away from having to deal with sorting out thoughts and feelings 👍👍👍 which i eventually will have to face ig#but if i do fall in love ik i have it in me to sort those things out quickly i think. if im not too scared to let myself fall.#ig i just have to get more used to ppl being interested in me again ack 😭 it's easy to ignore it when dating someone but. now.#and it was fine in the summer bc i wasn't really around too many ppl my age. but. ugh. unfortunately. i do have. a face and a personality.#delete later
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soooo I thought maybe the ACA is helping me have health insurance but maybe even qualifying for medicaid removes you from the marketplace benefits pool. So I might have to pay like $3000 at the end of the year because my estimated tax credit won't go through but I guess we'll see! 😭👎
#at least now my medicaid is actually cancelled since they were supposed to do that in march but apparently it never fucking happened#so idk... at least my skin infection is going away and I'm getting therapy so I haven't killed myself yet but WOW fuck this country#can we at least get universal healthcare????????????? HELLO???????????#maybe I can extort my parents lol I mean they said they'd pay for my therapy but since I got good insurance they haven't needed to#and I just pay my premium at what it is now since I don't like asking for money from my parents#like.. they've got money#but jesus christ I'm trying to do things myself because my shit already sucks I keep not being able to get a job#...just been in my flop era in general...#and I know they look down on me for it like... sorry I just suck man...#I guess I'm disabled but it doesn't always feel like it right? that's mostly in my head#it just sucks everything sucks#but uh... at least I know to look out for that? and I did cancel medicaid so I might only be fined $2000? cause that's not a lot 😭😭😭😭#personal#fml
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Hi 🌹❤️
I kindly ask you to share my story and reblog it . help me and my family reach a safe place. You can read my full story on my page.
Thank you for your kind ♥️🙏
Ok I'm not gonna fault anyone for not knowing this like my main blog since unlike there I don't have anything in my description but I don't reblog fundraiser posts.
I used to a long time ago.
It literally wasn't mentally healthy for me because I can't donate myself and I'd feel guilty for that and just. Kinda would mentally spiral over it. And then I'd get kinda "help everyone syndrome" over these things like obsessive over them. I just can't interact with them in a healthy way I'm so sorry, I'll answer this ask but I just can't do posts like that and . I still feel awful for it.
#I have money but 1: it's all given to me by my parents it's basically an allowance and. It would be awkward to explain#“Yeah I donated it to strangers on the internet and I need more to donate to more strangers on the internet”#And like. It would just keep going because again I just. Can't stop with this. I know I wouldn't be able to.#And they probably wouldn't let me#And I'd feel like shzt for that#They give me this stuff to like spend on shopping#And also. I don't know how to use money for digital stuff. I legit don't. I tried. It just goes to my baba and doesn't let me switch#And again. Strangers on the internet.#I just. I hope im explaining this right im genuinely sorry I just. I used to reblog posts like everyone else but I felt so awful about the#Because I couldn't help them myself. Also because the life circumstances the posts always laid out were just.#Reading those over and over again being exposed to that so much was also Not Healthy for me and that was with like.#The stuff years ago. Before it was genocide. When it was people talking about abusive households and stuff.#I just. Idk if it's “I'm a mentally ill teenager” or what but. I just get overwhelmed because it's painful to hear about how much pain#Other people are in all the time. And I want to help people. But I can't. And I feel guilty.#...I'm sorry
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i keep remembering i'll be going into emergency medicine and i am filled with both so much joy and so much fear. like.. woah dude.. i was not expecting to get this far. you mean i'm really gonna do that? you mean i am given the privilege to help people like that? you mean i am given the chance to be in a position to serve my community and the people around me in such a tangible way? you mean the kid i never got to be would be happy to see me now? like woah.. hey there.. let me sit down for a second that's a lot.
ignore the essay i wrote in the tags. it's a night /humorous
#personal#<- might start tagging these. ok to rb/like/reply/etc it's mostly for me or filtering haha#going through a Lot right now#and. it's weird#i usually don't feel much. at all#my feelings have always been super duper diluted. especially positive ones.#anger is probably the Only feeling I've ever felt like. raw. burning. etc#hope is such a weird feeling#like. it's dull. but it's there#i don't think i have ever felt happy. like in a “my brain literally does not have the capacity for it” way#but i think this is the closest i have ever gotten#when i reflect on where i came vs where im going#its weird#you mean.. there's life after surviving??#nuts.#and it's like. weird. because i should be really really sad right now#for personal reasons#but it's like.#i don't know#it's weird#everything's kind of numb but not really in a bad way. per usual. but it feels like there's a glimmer of something different#you spend you're whole life in a dark tunnel waiting to see the light that you start to wonder if it's even real#if “light” is just some made up story. like the ones parents tell their kids to get them go ready easy at night#but you trudge forward despite for it. because if light is not real#then#well#maybe the concept of light itself is real enough as is#through the pursuit of happiness you will find happiness#sorry idk why im so. poetic tonight im kinda having a moment#tl;dr I've spent my whole life expecting to die imminently and I'm shocked to see that things can‚ do‚ and are getting better
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it's hard to explain because inevitably you sound like an asshole, but some people are allowed to lose their temper, lose their mind - you're not, though.
when your friend never texts you first and misses your birthday and never makes an effort; you don't mind. you know she's struggling, and you want her to get the help that she deserves. you give her every excuse and every chance.
it shouldn't matter to you so much that people are always coming through for her. you want her to be happy, you love it for her. you love that her community rises up to the occasion. why does it bother you that when she snaps at someone, says horrible mean things - but two hours later, everyone is comforting her while she's crying. you know she's stressed. why do you kind of hate that she is welcomed back to her job, that her parents are endlessly wiring her money.
and you're - fuck, are you envious?
but when you don't text back, someone sits you down and says i know you're struggling, but you're being a bad friend. when you're too numb to show up for work, your boss just shakes his head. i'm sorry. i can't approve more time off. we have the company to protect. when you finally snap back at your family for making that shitty comment again, you're forced to apologize for being too sensitive.
god forbid you need something. people aren't used to you being the one asking. you're the giver like the book you hated; your pages all open and rumpled. you always have the answer, always have the solution. you are reliable, trustworthy. people like you don't struggle with things. you're supposed to be lifted by tragedy. you are given a maximum of 24 hours to grieve, and then you need to just behave at the party.
you can't read the giving tree without feeling like crying, and even that feels like it's too much emotion. like, nobody looks at you and assumes you're the tree; they'd name five other people before even considering you in the running. you're just there, never-asking.
your friend gets to say mean shit, that's just her personality. when you make a snide comment, you're just being petty. people laugh when your friend stands you up for another event; they say she's just like that. you were 5 minutes late to a meeting with friends and they were mad about it for the rest of the evening. your friend sets everything on fire; everyone applauds her through the ashes. you so much as light a candle: and suddenly now you're an arsonist.
you don't want your friend to suffer, though. the thing is that you just wish that the empathy and kindness your friend gets - you wish you had that option, that everyone offered you grace and money and a gentle reception.
the other day you were fighting down the bad urge; the void call, the end note. you tried-anyway. you went to the family event, tried laughing at the right moments. nodded and smiled and all of it. one of your siblings threw a fit, but she's allowed to, so everyone just rolled their eyes about it. you took 3 whole minutes to stand outside when you got overwhelmed. you literally set a timer about it.
in the morning you woke up to a text from your parents: you were a complete disgrace last night. idk what your attitude problem is, but you really need to fix it.
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THE EVERY GAY MANS DREAM READER
TALL, BUFF, BIG BOOBS AND ASS everything
Can't find no good pic for this so..
This post includes:Ghost, Graves, Price, Soap, Nikto, Riptide, Krueger, Konig, Alejandro, Rudy, Gaz, Horangi, Makarov, Velikan, Keegan, Roach. In that order
Yes I wrote all those, yes because I haven't written in a while
Notes:
- NSFW and SFW (Bottom male and top male reader mentioned)
-since y'all like the big buff n' tall male reader, made him bigger and taller basically mixed everything I wrote about male reader, tall, big buff, big cake, big boobs it's like a package in one this will probably be the last of this type of reader since running out ideas. It was hard making original headcanons 💔💔.
-Omg I haven't written in a while so like this might get idk boring?
- Yes again headcanons,you're favs
- strictly MALE READER not Gn rn
- readers age is ambiguous but if you can't think and want an age for reader my thinking is somewhere near late 30s or early 40s
- Some of the HCS have where y'all ain't in a relationship some HCS have y'all r in a relationship
- these headcanons definitely are mischaracterized but let me pretend for a bit 💔💔
- Tiktok got to me now I have brainrot language, so Trigger warning wooohh braiinroot
- can't believe this post was long enough to make my phone lag just a lil bit
- When he first saw you of course he was 😦😧😮
GHOST
- Like okay overkill, like you're taller, buffer and probably have a huger cock??? (Something he can investigate.. For purposes..)
Like you also got smoobs?? A plumpy ass??
Like save some for the rest Jesus 😒😒
- Nonstop staring secretly ofc, You be like in a room then you feel someone staring just to see Ghost somewhere in the corner of the room. You can't tell if he's staring or not but being that you are in an empty room.. Yknow it's kind of obv--
- BUT if you are not in an empty room you will not shake off the staring I mean holy shit look at you like 😨😨🍑✋
- You can literally hear him breathing heavily under his mask like how can he control himself when HE a person who is supposed to be looked up to literally and figuratively now has to look up at YOU?? do you know what does to a person??
-That's right it makes them freaky..
-Probably jerks off to you too
- I mean who doesn't want to get railed by a 7 ft tall man? Especially ESPECIALLY when you've been the supposed dominant person your whole life??
- OMG immediately Cumming to the thought
- I mean he won't mind topping you it also drives his own ego seeing a dominant man get absolutely wrecked, imagine the begging and whining
- plus he won't mind being the person who feels protected not always doing the protecting like 💔💔 he wants to feel protected too 😞
GRAVES
- Immediate gay awakening
- thinks making his western accent more prominent would make you think he sounds more hot
- Will dress up as a cowboy and will will ask (beg) you to do it as well
- because you know.. Hat thing.. Riding.. Graves grabs your hat puts it on his head or Graves grabs his hat puts it on your head, either way one of you is riding something and it ain't a horse
- because of the amazing quote on who ever came up w/ that is "save a horse ride a cowboy"
- Graves is obviously the type of guy to look at your ass and whistle maybe slap it, nah definitely slap it
PRICE
- He thinks of you like a bear
- like You're soo- big and cuddly? Definitely intimidating
- I mean you're near the same age bracket so it's not bad to have some.. Thoughts right?
- You're definitely hairy underneath or not but pls be he wants pubes to tickle his nose
- if you don't have a beard for reader then he would KILL to see have a beard like aughh perfect bear look, if you have a beard immediately cumming(/j) or (not /j)
- Like imagine you and price who are basically like bears like parent bears and and you the other 141 boys are like your children 🥺🥺
SOAP
- DEFINITELY became more gayer
- errrmmm.. Like his eyes are BASICALLY near like chest height
- bumping into you and his face touches your chest like omgg.. Such an accident 💔💔
- Obviously flirting about going to pound town
- like imagine You and Him? In a relationship? Having the most feral sex??? Like it's obv jokes (it's not)
- He would also do anything to see a big man whimper like a little bicth slut, who wouldn't want to see a demon of a man roll his eyes back and whine like a wheoeororoe❤, I mean if he tops I'd imagine him saying "cmon you're a big boy ain't cha'? You can handle a few more inches". While you are also getting the malevolent backshots.
- He would also want a big strong arm to man handle him as he takes the most vigorous backshots known to man
- Have you ever thought or seen a very tall wall like 10 or 11 ft high and you being you, Soap asks (demands) for you to carry him on your shoulder because he wants to see what's over the wall
NIKTO
- intimidating guy and intimidating guy typa relationship but your not in a relationship.. Yet.
- watch him watch you
- shows off his knife collection to you, yes I think he has a knife collection and he will show it to people that he wants to impress (he wants to get freaky with you)
- I like to think if he strips off the gear he gives the most desperate kind of touchy hug, to those he feels close with of course which is you
- lucky you
RIPTIDE
- Offers to teach you how to swim yknow just in case
- there is none, he wants to see you wet
- tells you to wear a white shirt and shorts because its Essential for training, it's a lie he wants to see the water wet your clothes making it stick to your body.. Yknow the white shirt showing whats underneath and the shorts outlining what package you've been hiding even though you weren't really hiding it
- He gets too distracted, the others are too, he forgets how to teach you
KRUEGER
- indefinite eye contact while your doing it
- likes staring into them, if you get shy and look away he will grab your jaw and make you have eye contact with him
- angry fierce ahh eyes
- he's an emotional grumpy guy, rip off his mask and aggressively kiss his face
- He wants the after sex laying on the chest while the other is rubbing their head, goes both ways.
- trace his tattoos and compliment them the bedroom will be locked the whole day, trust 🙏
KÖNIG
- The same as Ghosts
- Imagine being the one to get carried instead of the one carrying
- König would definitely come up to you and ask to be carried while you kiss his face multiple times❤❤
- Imagine how hard he gets because you have to look down at him to talk like HNGRHRRGGGRGRRR
- Definitely likes giving you homemade arts and crafts gear because you know.. The headcanon where König makes his own gear and what if he does it for other people too as gifts💔
- likes seeing you wear his mask it makes him imagine what people see when they see König definitely a change of perspective. He can see how intimidating you are and he gets hard.
ALEJANDRO
- will definitely compliment you in Spanish when talking about you with other people even when you're in front or behind him.
- I mean you don't understand Spanish right?
- if you don't, you're oblivious and only just watch curiously on what he's talking about. Buuut but but if you do understand you don't tell him you undeestrand this thing literally feeds your ego like Alejandro thinks of you this way? 🥺🥺
- Thigh riding type of guy idc who thigh riding
RUDY
- everytime I look at him he looks like a soft vanilla type
- I know he's a strong guy but look at him
- He wants soft sex 😞😞
- He also likes being complimented if you whisper a praise to him when he's doing ANYTHING. Imagine the babies you'd both have together.
- He likes toddlers and babies and if you do too a plus for him,makes him fall even more 💯💯
GAZ
- One time he Got injured and was sitting on the floor and then He saw you running towards him he simultaneously screamed in fear and how hard he got
- Likes to style your clothes, If he was off the military right now he really really likes fashion and if he sees you.. You can't fashion and he sees you wearing.. That, He's appalled, horrified, mortified I'm over exaggerating. But he is now in charge of your fashion now, But if you do know how to style you both will share tips with eachother. You can share different tips too ❤❤
- drags you in his barracks and strips you of your clothes except shorts.. And he's telling you this because he wants to "style" you.
- We both know damn well that's an excuse to get the boombayah freaky on.. He's just to shy to tell you upfront or he thinks it's fun to tease you like that before you get freaky
HORANGI
- gets freaky..
- Like he understands the women who get all giggly and nervous when they see a big man who can destroy them (ignore König 💔)
- is definitely not above thigh crushing, boob crushing, face sitting he'd do all at as long as it's you
- Like one time he pretended he broke his leg and won't let anyone else carry him until you came, acting all princessy and shit as you carry him bridal style to the medics
- He felt like a prince omg
- will definitely get on you and treat your real life size anime men boobs as a squishy toy
- How long is it and will he be able to take it??? Who knows he will find out!! Basically searched how long can someone's cock be if they are built like a god and is 7ft tall in Google
- someone gotta tell me Horangi's height and basic Google searching ain't doing it for me I'm too lazy to search for one line of a spicy headcanon line mb
MAKAROV
- You're basically ascary dog he owns
- You're tall and intimidating
- You can get information out of people quickly
- And he's not above telling you to torture anyone with a strength and body like yours
- most of the time you get the info done and folded
- Makarov uses you for intimidation and strength buuttt if you ever THINK of betraying him he already has a plan to get rid of someone like you
- Can and will turn you into one of those supersoldiers
- Will make you murder people right in front of him for entertainment and will rewward you!
- you know what reward it will be, Because when he asked what reward you wanted you got a bit to freaky you thought you be dead rn but nah he agreed actually he seems to enjoy it more than you do..
VELIKAN
- He's the dog in this one have you heard his voice?? Rough as hell imagine hearing him grunt
- Sounds cocky as hieeeellll too
- Would definitely like showing off to you since he wants to look cool in front of you
- Like you seen velikans skins?? Definitely wears the best ones to show you he can not only be a trained assassin But can also dress cool as hell
- If you compliment him it like makes his day, will not stop thinking about it
- Like a cool person complimenting a cool person like him? Ego boost (It's him feeling gay)
- This guys definitely a smoker (headcanon!!) Because voice sounds like he smoked 100 packs in 1 day and doesn't drink an ounce of water /jk I love him he's so hot.
- So if you want a smoke he purposely hides the lighter saying.. 'Oh no I asked someone elses lighter.. I don't have mine right now' or like 'my lighter ran out of fuel ohh
- So you have to put the cigarette in your mouth as you touch it with his cigarette to light ur own that type of trope 💫💫
- If you're not a smoker he will try his best to not smoke in front of you will use fresh mints to hide his breath of smoke
- after sex he will want a smoke, outside he goes or you both share the one cigarette
KEEGAN
- is it wrong to want to be choked by a big buff meaty arm?
- yknow the tiktok thing where girls put a ribbon on their boyfriends arm and the girls just put their face in the middle as their faces get squished??
- Yeah he wants that but gay
- will try to compare dick sizes even though yours is OBVIOUSLY the superior one!!
- Heads or tails on who's bottoming tonight
- Would like to be wrapped around your arms if you are hugging or sleeping keeps him warm
- Especially when it's snowing will force you to hug with him. ESPECIALLY when your in a mission and your in the tents he will definitely force you to hug it out with him
ROACH
- remember the other tall HC where the reader wasn't taller than König
- yes roach does the same thing here.. He's crawling on you like a tree
- If he wants a kiss instead of asking he crawls up to you and kisses you
- definitely likes to sit on your shoulders as you walk around, he feels tall like that
- this is like a distance relationship 💔💔
- Likes it when you bend over to talk to him also when you bend over when youre doing sum since it's slappable opportunity
- because bent over = double D cake will be slapped
- How will it fit? By the power of friendship of course!!
- probably more of say gex desperation but you get it
- Obviously switch switch
#gay#call of duty x male reader#call of duty modern warfare x male reader#cod mw2 x male reader#cod x male reader#x male reader#krueger x male reader#cod#könig x male reader#roach x male reader#soap x male reader#johnny mactavish x male reader#captain john price x male reader#price x male reader#cod horangi x male reader#horangi x male reader#makarov x male reader#velikan x male reader#keegan x male reader#alejandro vargas x male reader#rudy x male reader#cod nikto x male reader#nikto x male reader#riptide x male reader#kyle gaz garrick x male reader#gaz x male reader#mlm#bottom male reader#top male reader#graves x male reader
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tonight i am thinking about how it really pisses me off when i tell people my dads deaf and a lot of people's immediate response is "im sorry" like bitch i said he's deaf not DEAD why do you feel the need to say im sorry. like really, why do you think you should apologize for that? huh?
#it's just. hmmm urg. it's infuriating!!!!#next time someone says that im gonna say ''and im sorry yours is brunette. you see hoe stupid that sounds? that's how stop YOU sound rn''#like idk it might be different if he went deaf later in life but my dad went deaf when he was 4 months old so it's not like#i've had the experience of having a hearing dad and suddenly i don't??? it's literally been my whole life AND his whole life too#im too tired to really articulated my thoughts on this but i feel like i shouldn't really have to explain#why it's so stupid and frustrating to me when you tell me you're sorry my dad is deaf right after learning that#my dad being deaf has had almost 0 negative impact on my life and it's actually given me a lot of cool things#like i wouldn't have learned sign language if he were hearing!! do u know how cool it is to#know a whole other LANGUAGE with your parents and how good it feels to flex that you know more than#your siblings bc they only know the basics of asl#because it feels SO GOOD to flex that#i get to watch tv with my dad at loud volumes that my friends dont get in their house#i learned to read earlier because i was always used to reading captions on the tv and im a quick reader too#when YOU flick the lights on and off your dad would be annoyed. MINE knows im trying to get his attention and he can't hear me#if i don't want to see what he's saying i just take my glasses off. problem solved.#idk i have a lot of thoughts about this but i've ranted and rambled enough in the tags#yriesodottumblrdotcom
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