#like id given up on the idea
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Oh! So anyone remember how I'd mentioned that Sprocket had some adult teeth that didn't come in?
Guess what is finally coming in lmao
#barkin up some trees#that was kinda the straw that broke the camels back that made me decide not to show her#and now theyve come in#🙃#but i havent worked on her enough to show her#and idk where to start now#shes a bit of a dink with strangers#not in an oscar way#but in a jumpy and in your face way#shes too excited about strangers#we will have to do a lot of training once winter is done on being chill around people#just go sit at the park and people watch#i kinda wanna show her now#like id given up on the idea#but now that those teeth have finally joined the party...
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it's tick season
#sth#sonic the hedgehog#fanart#id in alt text#im fuckign cracking up looking at this it wasnt supposed to read like a minion meme and yet#its a redraw of some chalk doodles we have in our office#where we have given sonic lyme disease#ftr the 2 wks doxycyline is my favorite part of that doodle#i just love the idea of him saying doxycycline#dont forget to give your beasts their tick baths!#THE YUCKYYYYY dot png
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Sometimes I think to myself "actually maybe I'm exaggerating the terror I felt from being stalked", but then I remember that the person in question followed me and waited for me outside my school every day, tracked me down on every website I'd spent even the slightest time on, left physical letters in my mailbox, sent creepy as hell novel length messages on a near daily basis on FB. And then when I was living abroad and I answered the phone I told the caller to text me cause I couldn't hear, after which I had to read "I was saying that you would probably be VERY scared if you knew who's calling... hehe" with my own damn fucking eyes...
And then I'm like yknow what nevermind!!!! the fact that I'm still terrified of being perceived and seen in public not just IRL but also FFXIV might be understandable actually!!!
#im not saying its what caused my psychotic breakdown cause there were many factors#but needless to say it played a HUGE part especially surrounding the debilitating paranoia i was left with for years#i should mention that i only learned LAST YEAR that this person supposedly gave up according to them#by an old mutual classmate (the only one im still in contact with sadly because this person destroyed all the connections i held dear)#(we were classmates for years and this fucked me up cause we were friends for years before it all went down)#but yeah so last year they gave up apparently and it started 2012.#id managed to evade their notice online since 2019 when they last contacted me on facebook and i assumed id simply shook them off#given the habits i developed as a result of it that still affect me in ways i hate#but yeah its only been about a year of feeling relatively safe for the first time since 2012... and even then only relatively#cause i have no idea how permanent that is. and i dont dare to fully relax knowing what the person is capable of in terms of violence#hysterically tumblr is one of the very places online where they never found me it seems#but yeah. apparently they can just move on and here i am meanwhile still feeling the effects#such as feeling like im drenched in ice even in fucking *ffxiv* just because someones targeting or emoting at me#even though its never actually a problem! its a normal thing! and yet that brief moment of dread and fear seems to stick#IDK WHY IM RANTING ABOUT THIS I WAS JUST REMINDED AND. AURGH#awful. horrible. hopefully itll be fine forevermore and that ill be able to relax one day#silvi talks
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ah so i hear that wc was weird about female characters and punished and humiliated them disproportionately in comparison to their male counterparts who did far worse. what else is new
#anyways i havent had many fognose ideas but shes on the priority list of asc characters id like to change up.#girl who is just like her mother!!!! <3 (fawn response to literally everything until shes given all she has#and her peers still treat her like shit stuck to a shoe)
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attempt to idly discuss concept of custom wedding vows with 🌸 ground to a halt after the realization that neither of us actually, like, wants to try to figure out what the fuck we'd be promising
can you do custom vows, but instead of vows to do stuff, it's just a list of the superbly good qualities of the other person in order to make it clear why any rational actor would agree that you should obviously plan to keep hanging out with them as long as possible
#getting married is not really a thing id be doing in order to concretize any promise that isn't 'we really really want to keep doing this#and want to experience various economic benefits of that desire and also invite my family to celebrate about how great 🌸 is'#it's not that i don't consider us to have commitments to each other it's just like. the vows would be essentially 'i promise to try to have#continuity of personality with my current self to the extent that that bears on the qualities that make our relationship work well'#i don't know why it bothers me so much. but the idea of idk. promising to always listen to 🌸 or whatever feels genuinely horrible#it's sort of. parodic? either i'm doing it and/or have given good reason to believe i would be receptive to and capable of working toward i#or not. and either way. why are our families watching us reiterate that information.#on the other hand i would REALLY like to get up and give a speech about 🌸's innumerable deeply admirable qualities which strongly#motivate me to continue living with and knowing and supporting them.#so if i do that instead. do you think anyone will like. notice.#box opener#i guess it's good to realize that i have a STRONG IDEOLOGICAL OPPOSITION TO WEDDING VOWS before we're publicly engaged#but also. we are really rejecting a lot of the wedding concept. it's possible this is going to end up being two speeches and a dance party.#a rabbi can stand nearby. for ambiance.
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Hear me out (or don't... it's fine I'm just venting and mean) yeah um I don't believe Chakotay was saved in Prod*gy s2.
#the 'time travel' makes no sense when you think on it. What happened to Prime Chakotay? He got killed they showed that.#At the end s1 Janeway finds an 'alternate chakotay in an alternate timeline' and that's the one they go and get#we saw the original get merc'd in the message. That ACTUALLY happened. Lmao.....#They didn't prevent THAT death because they didn't go to THAT Solum with the Infinity and stop it from happening#instead it was 'ALTERNATE#' implying other.#OG Chakotay wasn't taken over by the alternative one either nothing suggests that was the direction for him in s2#they didn't do anything like 'well you see chakotay because at the end of s2 when we converged timestreams you have merged with your other'#if they did want to recover the original from s1 then keep that clear instead of being convoluted dont use an alternate timeline wtf#instead the plot was focused on gywns stupid fucking paradox plot and her being fixed#chakotay was the one in a paradox too did that not matter nah dw about it he had to die for this outcome or someshit lmao why#In the extended message given to admiral janeway it shows him clearly getting left behind and surrounded. Sadly no one intervened.#I dont understand why they couldnt have just made s2 about his rescue alone IF they took their time it wouldnt be so difficult#to follow#above that the one they rescued was ruined by the 10 year gap so he wasn't 'saved' at all. God i hate s2 when you break it apart#I dunno the more i look at s2 Janeway and Chakotay the more upsetting it is. Janeway would NOT have settled for an imposter.#everyone going goo-goo gaa gaa over s2 but it's sloppy af imo and undermines a huge portion voyagers struggles#id really like them to flatly lay out their ideas because literally nothing ive heard explains the story or choices of s2 with conviction#instead it's oh clap for wesley or the new vulcan and other references yay#describe to me your timetravel clearly and i'll happily take a seat on it (there is still other crap stuff mind you)#this is the most repressed shit i my head i swear#im angry because s1 is so clearly mapped out to a brilliant degree and for whatever reason it's not in s2#i can see through it#insultingly people are eating it up and claiming it's better than ever nah dawg embarrassing#there are nice ideas inside s2 but they arent adequately rewarded#it doesnt compare to the timetravel in other trek because they kept it clear#i mean it could have been an interesting parallel to endgame but in the end janeway didnt even rescue him lmao they dropped her#why bother building up this mission only for her to give up and go 'i'll hand it over because im told to'. Janeway had fuck all this season#let alone settle for not fixing her own timeline and her own friends deadly circumstance dw just grab another one from the shelf i guess#the emotional fallout was absolutely missed because they didnt elaborate on anything. Plenty of show but no substance from the characters
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i can almost guarantee ive said it before but. he would thrive in a zero escape game
#an octopath ze au would be kinda fun actually.. especially the octo2 party#would love to see these guys in an escape room . it would be so awful#temenos would fit in perfectly and might even make a good mc given his 'truth lies in the flame' segments..#i could see partitio doing well bc of his creativity and general demeanor#osvald is great at math but idk how trusting hed be of everyone in this situation.. especially if they assume zero is one of them early on#throné . girlie im so sorry#i think shed do fine for the most part (hard to say how much her thieving skills would be of help here) but she did not deserve this </3#do not let ochette into any pantry or food storage room. i dont trust any of that food#i wonder if shed have her partner(s) here tho.. how do u handle an owl and/or jackal in this situation..#she would be great for morale tho#same for agnea tho i worry for her emotional state a lil bit . help her#who am i missing .. CASTTI#shes good at managing stress (both hers and others) in awful situations . thank god#and shes there if anyone gets hurt 👍#not that its likely outside of bad end situations ? tho i may be thinking of the 999 map too much..#would it be more fun to use that as the setting or something else altogether.. more modern or more like octopath 2..#how the fuck would someone even make an escape room in . what is it like the industrial revolution. steam era#would it make sense to be able to use magic in universe to pull off something similar..#the canonicity of some ingame mechanics is dubious so its hard to tell how malleable magics uses and effects are..#itd probably be easier to place everyone in a modern setting but i have no idea what some of them would be that way#.. modern fantasy setting ??????#what if they had smartphones in octopath. would that be fucked up or what#also who the hell would be zero . would anyone be in kahoots w zero.. or at least Know Things but be unable to say smth abt it#i straight up forgot to mention hikari earlier but hes prolly like. fine#his intrusive thpughts would probably Suck Bad here but hed want everyone to get out alive as much as everyone else combined#wait who would even be the 9th person. would it be zero. but who..#if it were octo1 id say kit but its harder to get a good octo2 equivalent of him.. hm..#oh god im out of tags . tho what would the game style be like.. nonary game ab game etc etc.. what would be unique but fitting..#am i gonna look into actual scientific theories for this . and how would the morphogenetic field come into play.. and Why..#octotag
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so for like, a decade plus, i've been searching for a youtube video i remember seeing back in 2007, and i've finally managed to make some headway:
good news: i've found it
bad news: it's lost media
#it's been bugging me for so long honestly#ive talked about it in my tags before but its basically the video that introduced me to roblox#it's probably a bit silly to have been searching for this video. but part of the reason ive been looking is to see how good my memory is#specifically memories from when i was 9 years old. and how those memories have aged given im 26 now#like id say my memory is pretty good. specifically remembering specific details from memories long ago#like that isn't to say they're perfect. like i'll get some details wrong. but i know the general idea of what i saw#but basically#it's basically some old roblox bloopers video that had their character in a baseball cap and lugia t-shirt#now for a few years i wasn't sure i was correct on this person wearing a lugia t-shirt#and so at some point i figured i had to give up looking for that specific detail#since literally no video i could find had these two details combined. id find characters with baseball caps but never with a lugia t-shirt#and by that point i was afraid i wouldn't be able to find this video. or worse. my memory was wrong and it was something i watched in 2008#but i knew it had to be uploaded before december 12th. 2007. because thats when i made my account#and the way i found it was going through 11 pages of a youtube search for ''lego videos''#i was specifically looking for new lego videos to watch. or find something that seemed more interesting than lego mario stop motion#and there was one video that stood out. which was some random roblox bloopers video. mixed in with a bunch of random lego videos#anyway. just today i was scrolling through twitters ''for you'' tab and happened upon a thread showing off lost roblox youtube thumbnails#and i was like ''well. can't hurt to see if theres anything in here that i recognize.''#and lo and behold. a roblox dude in a blue baseball cap and a lugia t-shirt. labeled as ''ROBLOX Bloopers!''#i could feel the anvil of my doubt free itself from my brain because i finally had proof of a video that lines up with my memory#thats not to say this is the exact video but 99% certain it's uploaded by the same person. like it could be roblox bloopers part 2#but anyway. the channel and the video(s) are lost and while im sad i can't watch it to confirm my memory#im happy to see that there's evidence that lines up with my memory of what i saw back then#for reference. it was uploaded by someone named 'Furzniak' at the time. and it was uploaded on July 21st. 2007
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"fnaf is the scariest game ever" "no its silent hill" "well i think its resident evil" everyone shut up!!!!!! youre all wrong. its actually zack & wiki quest for barbaros' treasure (on the nintendo wii) but only the level "keeper of the ice". that level scared me so bad as a kid and you can tell because its the only individual level i remember the name of off the top of my head. like there is nothing scarier than a) being chased and b) being on a time limit. and you know what this level has? BOTH OF THOSE. this level is still scary to me im like AHHHHH!!!! and then i die
#i had to google horror games after i thought really hard for silent hill and fnaf#because like. resident evil is just not a horror game in my mind... its just cool zombie game...#to be fair though. the only one i actually played a portion of was re6 which is probably the least scary one in the whole series#anyway do the kids still find silent hill and fnaf scary. i dont know.#well the former id say yes given how prevalent ps1 horror has been in recent years#fnaf i have no idea. im a massive wuss so its scary when i play it for myself#but watching someone else play them especially when i know them well isnt scary#and ive watched fnaf videos for YEARS#so i dont know. (old man voice) these damn kids... back in my day we watched markiplier scream at freddy fazbear and we LIKED it!#anyway its objectively a horror game and thata literally fine thats all i needed for this post#MY POINT HERE. my point here#IS THAT HIT ZACK AND WIKI LEVEL KEEPER OF THE ICE. IS SOOOOO SCARY#its not that scary but i see tjat level and im like 3 years old making my mom play this level for me again#and for the record yes me and my sister really did make our mom help us with z&w#she remembers helping us with frost breath the most because we like did notttttt get that one at all#and she could never remember how to do the mirrors based on what combination of stands is there (because tjeres like a few variations)#so she always had to look up a guide 😭😭#my poor mother on fucking gamefaqs or something in like 2010... legends only#anyway if you have no idea what level im talking about (any of my oomfs reading this that isnt end) (hi end) PLEASE look up this level#and i need you to think of like a 5(?) year old making her mom play this game.#this aforementioned child is still a massive wuss as an adult btw. some things never change#anyway watch that level and think about how someone like me. whos already a scaredy cat!#imagine how someone like me felt at age 5 possibly younger playing this level#I WISH I COULD LIKE CONVEY EMOTIONS OVER TUMBLR. why cant i attach a .emotion file to this post#anyway ramble over <- hes said that like a million times today#scariest level in a game ever...!!!!! FUCK that keeper of the ice bitch im GLAD he died#muffin mumbles
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✨ someone ✨ broke their oath the other night
#this poor woman has had A Time. killed cazador got oathbreaker'd had her act 3 romance scene all in one day#i was kinda hoping it would happen b/c it fits how her story's been going#but i wasn't willing to ascend astarion to guarantee it#and i didnt want to fudge it by looking it up#but i figured freeing the spawn *might* do it since she's oath of ancients and i was Correct#and it's in character for her anyway. 'anyone sentient deserves a chance' is a *big* part of her moral beliefs#i want to see if aylin has any comments re: oathbreaking but i doubt it#i've got some half-baked ideas bouncing around my head for interactions b/wn them after loroakkan though#guess i dont have to worry about whether pretending to go along with mystic carrion will break her oath now lol#the 'gods dont give a shit about you' themes have been hitting her hard. and like. yeah#even growing up in a region not totally under lolth's thumb she was explicitly taught that the gods she knew were to be feared#and even following corellon the only choice she's been given is forget everything & literally become a different person#or (presumably) be in lolth's clutches after she dies#and seeing the clear manipulation from mystra & vlaakith & shar was doing a number on her#so something she viewed as the obvious correct choice breaking her oath was her last straw#im thinking about changing her epithet but idk what it would be so im keeping it as a tag for now#diodore#the star's shield#bg3#bg3 screenshots#bg3 spoilers#oathbreaker#bg3 oathbreaker#drow paladin#i love how they handle oathbreaker in bg3 btw. i've always thought it wasnt an inherently bad thing & i feel vindicated#image id in alt text#bg3 tav#my post#blood cw
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puppet combo when there is woman
#decided to watch a playthru of murder house bc it had been awhile since id given puppet combo yet another chance#but man#they rly just dont have many interesting ideas and mostly rely on shock#oh but phuz u say thats what slashers are like#not the good ones! not ones that actually have something somewhat creative and entertaining!#honestly the only good thing i can rly recommend from murder house is clement panchout's great music#been listening to the end credits track a lot#but phuz the main char is wonan thats a diversity win#i guess!!!!#but also as a main char emma gets killed over and over and o#lol im just bitching bc for once the setup was promising and i was hooked... then the rest of the game happened🦆#idk it got lazy it didnt pay off all the things it set up that could have been interesting and it makes me feel bad for even caring?#idk man theres only so far u can take the same gimmicks for so long. esp when it was stale the first time u tried it in night of the ripper#i feel like the ending was so wtf random that they thought it would make up for their unfocused storytelling. but alas it just sucked#are there other endings? did pc even care enough to go thru that kinda effort? i dunno but i kinda am done w puppet combos shit lol#phuz rambles
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listen i also think 2b is hot but also i am very very tired of walking into the tags every now and then only to see sexy art of her this is not what im here for im here for the existential crisis
#snow speaks#i would talk more about nier automata if i could but ALAS EVERYONE IS TOO FIXATED ON HOT 2B...#I GET IT ME TOO !!!!!!!!! BUT ALSO PLEASE I JUST MISS THE EXISTENTIAL CRISIS THIS GAME GIVES ME GIVE IT BACK#aughhhhhhh#if i could id replay the game all over again#im at a point at least where i barely remember anything but quotes every now and then#so if i could play it then itd be like playing it entirely fresh !! and thatd be nice#but alas i cannot :(#and tbh like.#the thing with nier is that its not even the characters itself that gets me but the whole theme and story#the characters are only pawns and tools to the rest of the story#yes sure they have their own backstories and stuff but i think i could not appreciate them without enjoying the story itself#like i just love love love nier for how it focuses a lot on the idea of seeking out purpose for yourself#'a future is not given to you. it is something you must take for yourself.'#throughout the entire game you see the androids/machines try to find purpose and meaning in this otherwise meaningless world#does it blow up in their face? yes but to them that is a purpose to live#and enough to keep going#is that not what we're all doing? trying to wade through the waters of this world in hopes that we'll find a purpose to keep going?#i whhhhh i miss you nier automata#i miss just how much this game means to me and how it played a lot into shaping my view on reality and living#i dont think my words will ever suffice how much i love it#but i love it a lot#but yeah also like dont take this the wrong way either its just. im tired#if i could id kiss 2b but alas it was not meant to be :( (shes so pretty)#anyways hi#ACTUALLY IM NOT DONE HOLD ON#LIKE LISTEN#theres also this thing about attachment and suffering too that plays into it#the cycle of life and death and the cycle of attachment and suffering#many times these purposes these androids and machines find wind up blowing up in their face due to needing an attachment to their identity
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i like to imagine that all my chatfics are in the same extended universe. what this implies im not sure
#my post#given that theyre all. in different versions of ''earth''#but ig hyrule is one continent. and its not like anything thats not directly adjacent to vaugarde besides ka bue is particularly important#to the story i mean. itd be interesting to worldbuild the rest of the isat world but im not doing that for a chatfic. i will go pretty damn#far for my chatfics but i cut myself off at non-adjacent countries#anyways.#wait i just remembered tgp is in an alternate reality where california is an island that (iirc) japan gave to the us after ww2. lmao#or the other way around but given. kurain. id say japan probably had it first#which implies that either the pacific ocean is smaller and japan has reason to go out that way. or something else equally strange#or that either japan or california is in a completely different spot?#but this whole bit of lore is inspired by old maps made by guys exploring america where california is an island#for mistake reasons and scamming reasons i think#i dont think this is ever explicitly explained in the fic either. just implied at most#it does say theyre 'right next to america' tho so. cant move california too much#moving japan closer is weird bc of its geographical culture. making the ocean smaller is weird bc of polynesia. lemme open up google earth#mkay its probably not too much of a stretch to say japan went around on the ring of fire and found calisland#idk WHY theyd do that bc my miniscule knowledge of japanese history says theres little chance of them being injected with the same explorat#on craze as europe. or why theyd only settle on calisland#but theres a reason tgp has much less thorough lore than witgt. its part of the gimmick#if you try deconstructing things itll fall apart#so. back to the original idea. of combining all three of these worlds#im not going to try and situate things. i just want to think about the concept#<- i opened up my ref maps and decided thats too much work. theyre too thorough already
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😍😍😍
#accidentally slept through my only class today#which whoops sorry. (my 9am english)#which kind of killed step 1 of a plan of mine but thats okay#anyways THEN i had to go downtown to pick up this award bc i forgot to show up to the ceremony like a dumb dumb#but the building was like a 25 minute walk and it was COLD (punishment for my dumb dumbness tbh) but anyways i got there early so i walked#around the block and then went inside and picked up my medal#and i was already far downtown so then i popped my head in a couple of stores as i slowly walked back#got a few things from target. new hair clip nail polish m&ms pens and then a mango. very excited to eat that either later today or tomorrow#then i popped in the calligraphy store and then the comic shop and looked around. saw some white ribbon in the calligraphy store which ive#been looking for but didnt get it because it was a bit wide and kind of expensive and i want a lot for my project idea#(want to write out some of my favorite poems on them in sharpie and then use it to accessorize)#and then i went to the comic shop and peeked around. saw a nubia issue and a few gl 2021s in the discount bin but i didnt get them bc#they were all middle issues and i havent read those books yet although i do want to someday bc my guys were in them. one of the gl 21s even#had simon on the cover so i was very !!!!!!!! thats my guy!!!!!#didnt buy anything there but i did ask the guy to make sure to order a copy of the spirit world tpb so ill stop by to get that in a few wks#and then i went to the bookstore cafe and got a cold brew and did a but of English there. they have tables in the stacks its nice. the one i#grabbed was just surrounded by old paperbacks of sci fi and thrillers lol. didnt see anything id read but recognized a few author names like#card (no enders game though) and the pern lady (idk her name i havent read it). anyways did half a blog post thats technically late (ill#backdate though dw) and then packed up and i grabbed a gyro from the halal cart on that block which i just finished back at my dorm <3333#anyways good times. now im gonna try and spam some work and go to freaking trivia team for the first time in a month later. oops#blah#oh and i think the halal cart guy may have given me a free soda. unsure abt that though bc its possible it came with and i was just being#silly again. so anyways i had a ginger ale too
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I get two fucking sentences in on every new draft for every new idea lately, and then my brain goes 'hm, no, actually that's stupid/boring/cloying/not going to be something you can write at your current ability'
I am. vibrating with rage at my brain rn over this bout of writer's block. Bro we literally want to die whenever I go longer than like. a fucking week without writing SOMETHING; why the fuck are you making this harder!!!!!! Just let me write a full fucking thing even if it sucks!!! but i literally physically start to feel sick and can't push myself to keep typing as soon as the above thoughts hit. I have a stupid number of untitled, barely started to almost completely done drafts, for multiple fandoms (mostly our flag tho admittedly lmao), all of which have been started within the last maybe fourteen days.
i wanna scratch my brain out of my fucking skull lmao. free to a good home after i get it out, if anyone else wants to try and rehabilitate it
#text post#everyone tells me i should be grateful that writing comes to me naturally and I am! but also sometimes it does This to me#and the longer it goes on the worse it gets#and affects the rest of my mental health on top of it all#brain pls some of these ideas are cute!!! fun even!!! others are gonna be heavier pieces but they might turn out okay!!#but we don't know if they'll turn out okay or not IF WE DON'T FUCKING FINISH THEM#god. sorry y'all just. pls know if ur waiting on me to finish something in progress ive posted or want to see something new from me#and are upset abt the current lack of stuff. i am also upset abt it and i am working on it i swear#also i need to address this bc im running out of storage space on gdocs with all of these#so they gotta either be written and posted or given up on and deleted for space fdlkafjlasdjf#it's nearly one thirty in the morning. i should probably just go shower#aka the place where my brain immediately gives me perfect fucking dialogue like last night THAT I FUCKIN FORGET BEFORE I CAN WRITE IT DOWN#it's fine. it was some of the best dialogue and most in character i felt id ever thought of. and i can't remember it and it's gone forever.#it's fine
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it actually really irks me when people ask me to put my age in my bio. like no, this is Off Limits because you are a Mystery Age, but by selecting an unverified number and putting it into your blog, you are now officially an Adult
#like it boils down to the age old tumblr idea of 'change your blog to make me more comfortable'#do they think that minors are incapable of lying in their profile or what#and even if you are an adult that doesnt prove anything#like what you want my id? what the hell man this is the internet not a police station#if my blog makes you uncomfortable the block button exists#and if you're going to screen every person that follows you to make sure they're not a minor#maybe you're not ready for the internet#that being said i'm going to do it bc so many people have bothered me about it that I've just given up
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