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#like i've never thought it's BAD something about it just has been grating my nerves
doggytail-duck · 1 year
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 I think he’s finally growing on me, the live performance is pretty good
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notlhecxzsa · 2 months
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Hidden Love - Scarlett Johansson
Warnings: Very very angsty (only in the start), very mean Scarlett (she gets better, I promise! little miss doesn't know how to handle her feelings ≧⁠▽⁠≦), death, very sad reader, almost drowning
Sum: How can a cold hearted CEO handle her newfound feelings towards one of her employees? Will it be wonderful or a disaster? (This is 8889 words, oh god)
CEO!Scarlett JohanssonXFem!Reader
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Y/n's POV:
"Don't worry, Ma. I'll try to send you more money than usual, just rest and do what the doctor's says, okay?" I said on the phone with gentle voice to my mother.
I only have my mother, and unfortunately, she was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. I never knew my dad, and i didn't really grew up having everything i want, and well, need. My mother needed to work 24 hours, and only having a payment that is good for our 2 days food, but she's so strong and determined, that even that's our life situation, i managed to finish my school.
Now, im working, trying to work hard enough to have enough money to take my mother in a chemotherapy, i've been actually saving up for it, and for her operation, which is not really doing well.
She has so many supplements needed that is already half of my payment, and i still have so many bills to pay, from my rent payment, to my electric and water bills, same goes to the house of my mother that she currently lives in right now.
I'm working at J.Corp, short term for, Johansson's Corporation, i work here from 6 in the morning, then to 7 in the evening, then after that, i have my shift to a convinient store from 8 in the evening, to 3 in the morning. Sometimes i don't really eat in order to save enough money, because i really want my mother to go to therapy already.
She's all i have left, and what more could i lose if i lost her too?
"Don't worry about me, darling. I promise you, i will be just fine. Don't forget to eat, okay? Take care of yourself." She said her voice lacing with the comfort that i missed everyday.
"Yes, i know Ma. I'll try to go there when i have enough money-" I was cut off when the voice of my boss rang through the air from the intercom.
"Y/l/n."
I rolled my eyes before bidding my goodbye to my mother, telling her that I'll just call her back later.
Ughh, what does she needs right now?
It's already break time, that means no work. I only hope she's just calling me right now for another free food, because if not, hell will lose.
My work here in this company has ups and down, well, the downs are mostly caused by my very own boss, Scarlett Johansson. I don't know what i did to that woman, because there's not a day where she wouldn't yell at me for completely nothing, or just gives me tons of works, that i know, is supposed to be for the others to work on.
The ups are because of my friends, well, sometimes, it's caused by Ms. Johansson too though. She's just so random sometimes, like in first, she would act all devil to me as if i did something very horrible to her, then the next, she's inviting me to have a lunch with her, sometimes dinner in a very expensive restaurants, which is im very grateful for, but it's all just confusing.
I mean, why me of all people that is on this building, that is probably much more worth her time?
She always manages to get in my nerves, but in all those bad things she does to me, i can't helo but catch feelings for the woman because of every little kind things and gestures she do to me, which i probably found weird, like...she's always mean to me and all, but i mean...she's beautiful, and sometimes can be such a gentlewoman, that so many people here has a crush on her.
But, i always just take those feelings and thoughts aside. Because, well, she always -not just being mean to me- but sometimes, she get on my nerves that it hurts my feelings already, but all i did is to listen to her hurtful words towards me, while wondering what i did wrong.
It's just all exhausting and very rude of her, that sometimes i just find myself crying in the dark while walking to the convinient store. I already have so many problems, and she still adds up, confusing me and hurting me mentally, and it just gets all to much.
But, even if i want to quit already, i can't. This work is what gives me money to survive and help my mother, ofcourse i wouldn't waste it even if i have to go through hell in the process.
"Come in." I heard her say from the other side of the door.
"Yes, Ms. Johansson?" I asked while looking at her, standing just beside the door.
She looked up at me with a stone cold face, she looked at me up and down, almost looking like she's judging every part of like that made me shrink on where i am standing.
I just only hope for one thing, for her to not yell and shout at me, because dude, i am not really having a very good day. I still haven't eaten breakfast, or even lunch, and it's now dinner time, and im trying so hard not to feel weak because i still my have my shift in the convinient store. Then my mom, and...just all.
The payments of the bills will be coming next week, along with my mother's, and thank god, my payment here will be given to me tommorow. That's why i didn't eat, i will just buy more food tommorow.
"Did you already eat?" She asked.
This is what im talking about the small kind gestures of hers, that i don't even know she do with everyone here in the company, or it's just me.
"I-i uhh- i still didn't, Ms. Johansson." I said with my head hung down. I heard her stand up abruptly, then i heard papers scattering around.
"Did you ate lunch?" I shook my head. "Breakfast?" I shook my head.
"Oh come on, for fuck sake, Y/n! We've already talked about this, didn't we? Don't act like a child wanting to be reminded on when to eat, because none of us here want your burden. We can't just have you collapsing out of nowhere because you didn't ate like last time."
And this is what i said about her, being mean and rude and evil and bad, and just all the worse things you can think of.
"I - im sorry, Ms. Johansson..." I heard her click her tounge, before her footsteps walked near me.
"Come with me, let's eat dinner together." I heard her say, before completely walking past me.
"But, Ms. Johansson, i still have a lot of paperworks to do-" I was cut off by her.
"Shut up and just follow me, Y/n." She said with her usual cold tone.
I sighed defeatedly before running after her, stopping at my desk and quickly getting my back. I just followed her like a puppy until we're in her car, and being the 'gentlewoman' that she is, she opened the door for me.
What she said earlier was true, i blacked out because of hunger and stress, but i just told her that i was so busy, because well, im too shy to tell her my life condition, i don't want her judging me when she's always doing it everyday, i can't handle it anymore if she used my life situation to say mean things to me.
I stayed silent the whole drive, fiddling with my fingers as i did so, and occasionally glancing at her. Her jaw are tensed, all of her are tensed. I always try to act all brave, but in inside, i get scared of her sometimes, that i caught myself flinching at the small sounds that i would hear everywhere.
The dinner, well it was silent too, but speaking of the little gestures she do to me, she did what she usually does, cutting the hard pieces of food for me, and literally flooding the table and my plate with tons of foods.
"Your work time is already over, I'll get you home." She said as she started the car.
"Oh- uhm, actually, can you drop me off at the convinient store but the street after your building?" I asked and she looked at me, frowning.
"You're still working there?" She spat out, making me look down, avoiding her burning gaze. "Didn't i told you to quit working there already? You're living all by yourself, you didn't need to work there too, to survive for the living..."
I do, Scarlett. Unfortunately, i fucking do.
"No wonder why you always pass me late paperworks." She said, and i can see in my peripheral vision that she's shaking her head.
All i wanna do is to cry as she drive the car. How can she say those things to me when she doesn't even know what and how my life is like?
"Thank you, for the dinner." I said once we stopped infront of the store.
"Just get out." She said without even sparing me a glance.
"Bye, drive safely." I muttered before getting out, once i was out, she drove almost instantly.
I felt tears brimmed out of my eyes, but quickly wiped it and shook my head while taking a deep breaths.
It's okay. It's going to be okay.
~~~~~~~~~~
No one's POV:
"Bye, drive safely." Scarlett heard the soft tone of the woman she loves for 3 years.
It's hard to love Y/n in the dark, and be a devil when she's infront of the woman as if she didn't fantasize about Y/n walking down the aisle as she waited on the altar, or having a multiple kids with the younger girl and just living the best life with her.
"Just get out." Scarlett internally cringed and cursed herself for sounding so mean.
Every mean words that would come out of her mouth to Y/n's ear, she would immediately feel guilty and get completely mad at herself.
As much as she wants to be kind and apologize to the poor girl already, she can't just risk it. All of it. She scared and terrified that if ever they got more closed, then Scarlett might no be able to control herself and be all obsessed with Y/n. And she's too traumatized at her past relationship, that it gets in her head when she thinks of having Y/n as her girlfriend.
What if she got hurt again? Or what if she hurt the most genuine person she knows? The only woman who she truly love for all her life. As much as it's a very idiotic thing for her to do those things to the pure woman, she just can't help but do it.
Not that it makes her happy or anything in the latter, but it's most likely just her way of having Y/n's attention, because whenever she'd alone at her, she gets to have Y/n all for herself. She's just so stubborn to makes everything easy and better with her relationship with Y/n.
She knows she's being shit and all, and that anytime, she might lose her girl, but this is the only way she can think of to do, due to what she had been through her life, not just her past relationship.
She don't even have any idea why Y/n is still working for her. But, this time, with the help of her friend's -Lizzie's- words, she knows that this gotta stop soon. Which is her goal. She's just trying to find the courage, and the right words to say, and hoping that she will not gonna be too late for that.
She loved you from the moment you walked through her office door, she's just too scared to admit it to herself, and as days and months passed, she found herself being wrapped up around you finger.
She knows what she's doing is sometimes getting out of line, but due to her stress and on what she's been through, that's just kind of her things, which is not good, but she will surely change it, not just for herself, but especially for you, and you only.
"You gotta stop treating Y/n like that, she's the kindest person i know, and she doesn't deserve to be treated anything like that, Scarlett."
She still remembers Lizzie's words in her mind like it's tattooed there already. But, not to worry, she'll be asking for your forgiveness soon enough, and she'll do everything, even if she needs to get on her knees and kiss your feet.
All i well and peaceful as she sit on her desk chair, listing everyone who she will be paying for tommorow, and you're one of those people, she figured that maybe, this is gonna be a good timing to apologize to you, she can just order you to come to her penthouse that is on the top floor of this building and tell you that she'll give you the money there, then she'll apologize.
That's a good idea, right? Right.
A ding from her phone caught her attention, she immediately clicked the message of one of her men's, that she hired to watch over you. Yeah, she's too possessive like that.
Anger immediately rose inside her body, as the apologies she's planning to do faded in her mind like bubbles. It's a video of you, being held by a man she knows all to well. It's the man that is always hugging you from every video her men's sends her, who is also your co worker at the store.
She doesn't want to think things too fast, but she just can't help but thought of what's your connection with that man. She once asked you about your love life and you said you're single, but this man keeps making her think otherwise.
Anger, jealousy and all rose inside her body, until all of it filled her up completely.
Maybe she can just do the apologies in another day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Y/n's POV:
Today is the day im gonna have my payment.
After a whole breakdown last night at the store, i am feeling very well right now, thanks to my a good friend of mine, Max, he's a boy. He's very kind enough to comfort me and even walked me home, things like that are normal to us, plus, i would trust him with my life, not that because he's my friend, but because i know he won't take advantage of me or anything because he's very gay.
I'm now walking towards to Ms. Johansson's office, instantly warning at the lack of seeing people on the way. Usually, when it's the day of paying off, so many people would be scattering around her, but now? It's dead silence, only the sound of silent conversing, and the typing on keyboards. I was gonna knock on the door already, but i was stopped when Samantha called me out.
"Y/n! Hey! Ms. Johansson said you'll be receiving your payment up there." I frowned instantly.
"Are you guys have been payed already?" I asked, turning my whole body to her.
"Yeah, you didn't know? She sent us all a messages saying that we need to go here earlier than usual..." She explained unsurely.
"No...she didn't...." I trailed of on my words.
I bid Sam a goodbye and said that im gonna go upstairs. I quickly ran towards the elevator with my heart pounding in my chest.
What if she's gonna give me my last payment because she'll gonna fire me now?
Oh god, oh god, oh god-
I was brought out of my trance when the ding of the elevator rung out, i quickly walk towards inside, trying to find a trace of Ms. Johansson, while calling her name. I soon stopped when i saw her laying at a pool bench, sunbathing with just a a piece swimsuit.
I blushed and looked down, trying to avoid her smooth and bright skin.
"Ms. Johansson." I made my presence known, and in my peripheral vision, i felt her looked up, then stand up, there's a movements came from her but i didn't looked up.
"Ms. Y/l/n..." I can hear her voice that she has a smirk. "You can look up now." And i did, and saw her in a robe.
"Ms. Johansson, im here to take my payment." I said politely, giving her a tight small smile, but it was soon turn into a frown when i saw her face fell.
"Ooh, that....right. Well, actually, Ms. Y/l/n, you wouldn't be receiving anything." I frowned, as i felt my heart fell.
"W-what? Why? W-what did i do?" I stammered, my heart is now hammering in my chest.
"What did you do? Why don't you think about the days i always yelled at you for failing almost all of the paperwork i gave you? Did you forget about all that already?" She said with a sadistic tone.
I avoided her gaze, instead i gaze forwards, which is enough to not see her eyes, since she's a lot taller than me.
"No, i didn't, Ms. Johansson. But, as far as i can remember, i already made all my mistakes right. And...not all the time of you, calling me in your office, was because i did something wrong." I can't help but let out that harshly than i intended it to be.
I really need that money, and there's no way i will get out here without that.
"Oooh, getting too confident now, are we, Ms. Y/l/n?" She said with a teasing tone.
I can't help but feel humiliated in our current situation, and it makes me feel so small that all i want to do is to die or just jump right off of this building.
"Ms. Johansson, please, i really need the money. I will do everything you'll say, just please..." I pleaded, maybe being too confident and fighting back would just make her not give it to me.
"Anything?" She asked, and i nodded.
"Anything." I said, looking up at her. I saw a glint in her eyes, but it was soon faded.
"This is what you want, right?" She waved the stack of dollar in the air with her hand, and i nodded, before widening my eyes at the next action she made.
"Then get it." She said as she throw the money to the large swimming pool she has here.
I don't know how to swim, my body turned cold, but the desperation got the best of me.
Without that money, i will not have the chance to pay my bills. I need that. Most importantly, my mother needs that.
"What are you waiting for?" I flinch at her voice, looking back up at her with tears in my eyes.
I felt so little, like a slave, and so poorly humiliated. My heart aches at the thought of someone, treating me like this. I know that she is much up there than me who is literally living like a stray puppy, but she has no rights to do this to me.
She is so evil.
I saw how her eyes changed its look, it's like she got taken back about something, but before she can even utter i look back at the deep swimming pool, where all the dollars are floating.
I took a deep breath, before swallowing the lump on my throat. I walk fastly to the pool, then jump, with one thing on my mind.
This is for my mother.
I heard her voice called me out, but i didn't cared, and tried my best to get all of the money, while trying to gasp for air everytime i came to the surface, only to realize that im literally in the middle of the pool.
With every jump from the bottom, i realized that im at the very deep, my movements became frantic as i felt myself losing so much oxygen, while i kept hearing her muffled voice screaming my name worriedly.
I already drank the water, and some went through my nose, i was gonna reach out for another dollar when i felt a strong big arms wrapped itself around me, and the next thing i know, i was gasping for air while holding the wet money in my hands tightly.
I hope my asthma doesn't attack me right now.
"What the fuck, Y/n? Why the fuck did you do that? You could've died!" She yelled and i flinch while still gasping, and looked at the pool to see that there's still left, i was gonna jump again, but her strong masculine arms caught me.
"Hey! Stop! Stop!" She yelled, trapping me completely in her arms.
I couldn't take it anymore, my chest is burning, along with the pain im feeling right now. I sobbed, and cried hard not caring of what her reaction will be.
"H-hey.." Her voice sounded as if she was being strangled.
"Get off of me..." I breathed out, i want to vomit, maybe because of the amount of water i drunk and i felt it hard to breathe. "T-there's still more...i-i n-need to get that...my-my m-mom needs i-it..." I stammered, my tone is completely broken.
"P-please...i-i need to get it.." I thrashed around her arms, but then she hugged me, completely trapping me in her arms.
"Hey, hey, darling...it's okay, you don't have to get that...shhh, shhh, im sorry, i-im sorry..." Even me, i couldn't recognize her voice.
I stopped thrashing around, but still continue to gasp for air, my cries and sobs filled through the air. I felt so helpless, so poor, humiliated, and very desperate.
I looked down at the money in my arms, avoiding the sweet nothings she kept whispering in my ears. Her voice sounded soft, it tweaks, and sometimes it breaks, like she's crying.
"I-it's still n-not enough..." I said breathlessly. "Get off of me." I demanded weakly. "Please, stop making it all so hard for me...please...i just wanted my money...please...i can't- i cant do this anymore." I whispered brokenly, trying to push her death grip on me.
She kept muttering an apologies, then comforting words, but all i felt towards her is hatred, madness and all the worse things to feel.
We stayed like that until i calmed down. I'm still breathing unevenly, and i know im having my asthma. I'm shaking and all, with my lips quivering as i sob quietly. I don't know what's happening to her as she's holding me tightly, while whispering apologies to me.
Out of nowhere she picked me up ever so gently, while still whispering that it's all gonna be okay, and she's so so sorry. With all the things that had happened, i felt so weak, so weak that i can't even open my mouth because of exhaustion, im still gripping the money that is in my hand.
She went inside her penthouse while still carrying me, both of my hand is on my chest, clutching it together as i still feel my chest tightening, then the side of my head is on her shoulder.
I felt so weak.
My body is still shaking, and I don't know how to stop it.
I felt so cold, and i know that im going to be sick for days.
Why does Scarlett have to be mean to me?
My lips wobbled at my thoughts, as a strangled sob came out of it.
"Shhh, im sorry, im sorry....stop crying already, baby. It hurts my heart to see you cry..." I'm too exhausted to even manage to think what she just said as the next thing i know is she put me on the bathtub.
"N-no...i wanna go home..." I protested weakly, shaking my head as i look at up at her, to see her already looking up at me.
"No, you'll stay here, you'll stay here. It's okay, im sorry please, stay here...stay here for now, please....let me just take care of you, yeah?" She pleaded making me frown at her attitude, but i shook my head.
"N-no...t-the money, i need i-" I was cut off by her.
"The money will be fine, sweetheart. I'm your boss, you'll do as i said." She demanded with a soft tone. I didn't utter a word anymore, then look down.
"Can you give me that for a second, love?" She pointed at the money in my hand, i opened my hand and she took it then out it on the table beside the little table beside the bathtub, but not before kissing my head and saying 'good girl'. Then she took my face with her hands, looking at me with the most softest look she's given me.
"Don't worry about the money, okay?" She asked softly, and i nodded.
"But, i need it.." I said.
"I know, but don't worry about it for now, okay? Clean yourself first- do you need any help?" She asked and i shook my head.
"Okay, im just gonna be right outside the bathroom, okay? I'll get you some clothes and there's a brush and extra towels there, okay?" She pointed at the drawer under the sink.
"Just call me if you need anything, okay?" I nodded once again, and she smiled a little before kissing my head, leaving a lingering kiss there that felt so different.
She left and i started cleaning myself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scarlett's POV:
As soon as i close the bathroom door, i sighed, leaning my head against it.
Why did i do that? Fuck.
Everything felt so wrong, my heart shattered into pieces as the earlier moments ran through my mind once again. Just thinking of how desperate she was earlier to get the money hurt me in the most impossible way, and the thought of her, almost dying because of what i did, is slowly killing me. The look on her face, fuck. It's all plastered in the back of my head, and the scenes kept playing without a stop.
An idea came into my mind, i quickly get her some clothes first, which is probably gonna be too big for her, i put it outside the bathroom door, on the table beside it. Then, i quickly pulled out my phone, dialing Wanda, not before walking far away enough from the bathroom.
"Hey, Lizzie?" I asked.
"Hey, Scar. What's up?" She asked.
"I need you to do me a favor." I said, then get straight to the point.
I told her to do a background check on Y/n's personal life, and do everything to see what my girl's life is really like. Then i told her what had happened, which she scolded me for. I told her my plan on getting Y/n and then after that, she made me promised to not to do something bad to Y/n again, or she said, she'll steal the girl from me, which made me a little aggressive, and cursed her through the phone, then we said goodbye.
After the phone call, i felt presence behind me, making me look around and saw Y/n standing there, looking so adorable and pretty as ever. My clothes is so big for her, but it makes my heart melt at the sight. Though, my heart still aches because she wouldn't even look at me straight in the eyes.
"I- uh, im gonna take my money now, then go home." Her voice is raspy, i quickly made a move walking to the kitchen then getting a glass of water.
"Come here, please." I said softly, while pouring a water in the glass.
She looked at me for a second, and when she caught me staring at her she quickly looked down, before hesitantly walking towards the kitchen countertop.
"Take a seat." I said with soft voice.
Now's my only chance, well, if i still have.
I slide the glass towards her and told her to drink it, which she did, almost downing it in just a 10 seconds. I watch her every movements with longing eyes, as my heart shatter on how afraid she seemed infront of me. It took me everything in my power to not to let my tears fall of.
I knew, by the moment and scenes we had earlier, i knew i already went beyond the line, and i will stop it right here. No procrastinations anymore. I walked towards her and stop by here side until im just a few inches from her. My arms are aching to be wrapped around her, while i beg for forgiveness, which i know i don't deserve, but i can still try, right?
I saw how she became tensed, but still continue on infront of her at a black space. I see her hands that is on the table shaking a little, which breaks my heart a little more, and i see her chest heaved as she breath.
"Y/n..." I called out softly, with my voice slightly wavering. "Can you look at me, hun? Please?" I asked, as i raised my hands to touch her cheeks, but quickly stopped when i saw her flinch and shielded her hands infront of her face.
I can hear my heart shattering into pieces, goosebumps started to form on my skin. I couldn't help and stop the tears that brimmed out of my eyes as i look down at her.
"P-please...i just wanna go home with my money..." She whispered so brokenly.
"Y/n...." I breathed out, but she put her hands down while shaking her head, now looking at me.
"P-please, j-just give me my money, and I'll quit, y-you won't see me anymore, just please, let me go in peace. I can't take what you're doing to me anymore....i promise, I'll quit." She rambled, and my heart stopped at the words she said.
"You can hurt me all you want if that's what will get you to give me my money, do anything- everything you want, yell at me, hurt me, slap me, i-i don't care, just give me my money, please, my- my mother needs it..." She pleaded, with her hands clasped and her eyes full of tears while looking up at me.
Tears are now streaming down on my face, the look she's giving me now, and along with the words she's saying is breaking me apart.
"Stop saying those things, i-i would never hurt you, okay?" I demanded, my voice getting hard.
Why would she thought im gonna hurt her? I would never dare or even think about laying a finger on her.
Am i that bad to her, for her to think this way?
"...and i will never gonna shout at you again, okay?..." My hands seems to have their own mind as it unconsciously went to her soft cheeks, caressing it as soon as they landed on the soft skin. "I'm sorry, im really sorry, not just for the things that i did today, but for all the things i did to you. I-i i never meant any mean words that i told you, it's very hard to explain it right now, but i promise you, there's something behind those things on why i treated you like that. Just please, don't leave, okay? Don't quit on me, please...." I pleaded looking down at her as my thumb continued on caressing her cheeks.
She looked down, and let out a sob.
"But, im tired..." She breathed out brokenly. "I'm so tired." She sobbed out before looking at me with mixed emotions in her eyes.
"You don't know how much you always hurt me everyday by those mean words you say to me, you don't know h-how i feel when i would walked out of you office with my head down ashamed of how much they might've probably think of how idiot i am because everyday, you'll scream at me. You don't know how i felt so humiliated, so little with everything that you did to m-me. I hate you. I despise you." She whispered the last 2 sentence with full of hatred and dark tone.
I sobbed out, before pulling her in my arms, her head is on my chest, i hold her tightly as i sobbed while chanting an apologies. She kept pushing me, but i made no move on pulling away, that it seemed to might've got in her nerves as she weakly punched me in the chest repeatedly. She's too thin and small than me, so it's no use.
I always told her to eat, and always makes her come with me to eat, because i hate how she looked so malnourished.
Maybe, later the day, i hope to find out what her personal life is really like. I have a feeling that it's nowhere near the words of good life, because of how desperate she is on getting the money, but whatever it will be, i took a mental note on helping her with it, it doesn't matter if she would decline or not, because i will surely do anything to help her, and she can't stop me.
"I know, i know you hate me, it's okay, shhh...there you go, punch me, yell at me, do whatever you want, it's okay..." I said with gentle tone while still holding her tightly.
She kept thrashing around, but i just keep her in lock in my arms, while still whispering comforting words and apologies to her ear occasionally. Fortunately, soon enough, she calmed down.
She's sniffling, and coughing, and she's still shaking, making me feel very worried. I pour a water on the glass with my hand one, while the other is still holding her, then i give it to her.
"Can you drink this for me, darling?" I ask gently, she didn't do anything, so i asked once again.
"Please, drink this? You need to drink water, so you'll still gonna be hydrated." I said softly, and this time, she shook her head.
"I wanna go home..." I sighed defeatedly, i kissed her head and put the glass down.
I took her face with my one hand, pulling it towards me for her gaze to be on me. Her face has no emotions, but her eyes says it all. She's tired, exhausted, even. And i know it's my fault. Her eyes are bloodshot red, same goes to her nose, there's so many stained tears on her cheeks, just by looking at her face made me more mad at myself, and felt extremely more guilty.
"I'm gonna let you go home with your money, I'll even double it, but promise me you're not gonna quit. I mean, even if you really do consider it, i won't let you, but say it to my face that you won't quit, or else-" She cut me off.
"Or else what?" She asked.
"Or else you won't gonna get to step outside, and i will lock you in here." I said with my dominant voice, before silence elope around us.
"Why are you being like this to me?" She asked with the smallest voice, after a minutes of silence.
"Because, i like- love you. I love you, since the first day you walked through my office door, i didn't want to admit it to myself because im scared, but as months passed by, i fell more harder for you, and i-...i couldn't stop it anymore-" She cut me off, once again.
"Please, stop with the bullshit-" I frowned and immediately cut her off.
"Stop saying it's just a bullshit things , because it's not." I said with an offended tone.
"Because it is. How can you say you love me after all the things you have done to me? After how you treated me like shit, as if im just someone who's born to be treated like that?" She quickly interfered making me shut up.
I mean, i have my reasons, but i know deep inside me, it's not that even good enough and too reasonable to say.
I'm too lost in my thoughts because the next thing i know is she easily got out of my arms.
"I won't gonna quit, if you would just give me my money, and let me leave peacefully. And, please, if you really are sorry, stop treating me like an animal, and start treating me like a human." That broke my heart, knowing i really did already got beyond the line.
I was too stunned to speak as all i can do i to watch her her her things, and when she's done, she stopped infront of me. I snapped out of my thoughts, and told her to wait until i get the money. I quickly walk to my office, and took a couple stacks of dollars, that is probably 10x more than her usual payment, but i didn't care.
She frowned when i put it on her hands, then looked at me confusedly.
"It's all yours." I said, with a small smile.
"No, im not gonna accept this just because you pity me or anything." She said while giving me the other stacks, and keeping what is rightfully hers.
"No, you don't have to want it, but i insist. Please, just- just take it." I said, giving her the money, but she shook her head before stepping away from me.
"I don't need that, just give it to those who needs it the most." She said before completely walking away.
I tried to call her, but she just continue to walk until she stopped infront of the elevator. I stand up, running after her as she got in, she turned around and looked at me, tears are visible in her eyes.
"No." She said weakly, but i didn't stopped and continue walking towards the elevator.
"Stop!" She demanded, and i stopped.
I saw the elevator doors closing little by little, a lone tear made its way down on my face, just like hers, but hers are more.
"Y/n..." I called out unknowingly.
"Scarlett..." She quickly said with the same tone as me, as if we're greeting each other, but this one, we have a sad tone.
Soon enough, the elevator closed, i walked towards it completely, before throwing multiple hard punches on it. Tears are now completely streaming down my face, as her name longingly slipped out of my lips while i sob.
Did i lose my chances already?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No One's POV:
"Hey, guys- wait, where's my desk?" Y/n was supposed to greet her friend, but stopped mid way as she took notice of her missing desk.
"Oh god, thank god, you're here! We're gonna ask you the same thing!" Samantha exclaimed worriedly, as Gab nodded.
Y/n felt her heart pounding. What if she's been fired? I mean, there's some good things there, she won't gonna experience being with someone so evil, but she's not ready, by the way Scarlett acted yesterday, saying she won't let Y/n quit. So many thoughts run through her mind, as her friends waited for her answer, the raspy voice boomed from the intercom.
"Ms. Y/l/n, come to my office, please."
Surprisingly, Scarlett's voice is not that cold and scary, it's soft, warm, and she even used a please.
"Go, tell us what happened, okay?" Gab said, and Y/n nodded before turning to her heels and walking towards the office with so many thoughts running through her mind.
She knocked on the door, receiving a soft come in, before she completely went inside. Her eyes quickly landed on a extra desk that is on the corner, with boxes on top of it. She averted her gaze and looked at Scarlett, who is looking at her with soft eyes and small smile?
"Come here. Take a seat." Scarlett softly commanded and Y/n nodded obeying what Scarlett had said.
"Uh- Ms. Johansson, may i ask where's my desk? I mean, my work desk, the one where i work, it's not there when i arrive-" Y/n rambled, avoiding Scarlett's eyes as if she's scared, well, she's nervous, but Scarlett's heart shatter at the thought of Y/n being scared of her.
Scarlett swallowed the lump on her throat, before clearing it. "That's actually the reason why i called you here. From now on, you'll be working here, in this office with me. That..." Scarlett pointed at the desk. "..is yours, and your paperwork will be lessen, but you'll gonna be with me- always gonna be with me everyday and everytime." Scarlett explained, Y/n frowned.
"Is my time here is still the same?" Y/n asked, and Scarlett shook her head.
"You'll go home, once i go home. You'll go here, once i go here. So practically, you're time will be from 7 in the morning, to 10 in the evening." Y/n frowned, but she didn't said anything.
What about her job at the convinient store?
It's as if Scarlett can read her mind, Scarlett speak up.
"And your job at the store is gone, but your payment here will be triple, so you don't have to worry about that. I already talked to the owner of the store, and she immediately agreed." Well, more like, she payed the owner.
Triple of my payment? That's too much. Y/n thought.
"Any question, Ms. Y/l/n?" Scarlett asked, and Y/n shook her head.
"None, Ms. Johansson, thank you. I'll be starting my work now." Y/n said and stood up, but Scarlett stopped her.
"Wait." Scarlett immediate said, making Y/n stop and turned her body to face Scarlett, but still not meeting the older woman's gaze. "...can you look at me?...please..." That's all it took for Y/n to look at Scarlett slowly.
Y/n saw many emotions on Scarlett's face, there's a small frown, her lips are in a thin line, her eyes are slightly red and smaller than it usually are.
"Did you already eat?" No.
Y/n nodded.
"Y-yeah, i-i already ate." She didn't, she already sent all her money to her mother, despite her mother's declines and disagreements, she still did.
Tho, she left money for her bills and all, and a little for her food for a week or 2, but, it's just like for, 1 food for a day.
Even with her best lying action, Scarlett still saw right through Y/n, and she took a mental note on putting more food on Y/n's plate later for lunch and dinner.
"Okay, you may go now." Scarlett said with a soft tone, and Y/n nodded before walking to her desk, arranging all her things again.
Days, week, and a few months goes by, it gets better, it's slow, but there's an improvement on their relationship. Unfortunately, not for Y/n's mother's health.
Scarlett always do this little things that made Y/n's heart soften towards the older woman. Everyday she went to work, there's gonna be a food on her desk, when she would look at Scarlett in curiosity, she would see her being busy and all. Tho, there's no name on it, she knows very well that it's from the blonde woman.
And since everyday, they are together, her heart soften more at the little gestures that the woman does to her, she would open up the door for Y/n, she's very kind towards her now, she's not shouting anymore, and! Everyday, and i mean, everyday, and there's even an exact time that Y/n would recieve different types of flowers, she confronted Scarlett about it, but Scarlett just always changes the topic, after saying; "It's from me, now...blah blah blah...."
Sometimes, Y/n catch Scarlett looking at her, then looked away as if she's not been staring at the younger woman's soul. And ofcourse, with all of those things, it did something to Y/n, but she's just too scared to admit it and figure it out for herself.
Until one night, one moment led to something more.
"Hey, did you guys saw Y/n by any chance?" Scarlett asked Y/n's friends, as she look for the small girl at the crowd of so many people.
There's currently a party for a successful year on their company, and Scarlett decided to throw a big party, with everyone who is working for her, along with other business man and woman who they got to collab in this years events.
Scarlett did saw Y/n earlier, but there's so many interruptions here and there, and she lost her girl. Now, she got the chance to find her as the party started, since they already have a great enough relationship with each other, maybe it's time for Scarlett to move?
We don't want anyone getting you instead of Scarlett, do we?
"Oh, yeah, she actually went home already." Samantha said, and Scarlett nodded before saying thank you.
Taking a few deep breaths, Scarlett told the people who are in charge of the party to guide all the people and to finish this in a few hours already, saying she'll gonna call it a night already.
After that, she quickly went to her car, driving as fast as she could to Y/n's house, with a very nervous nerve and afraid feeling. What if she got rejected? No. I mean, either way she'll always gonna find a solutions to get to call Y/n hers.
Soon enough, she arrived. Some lights are still on, thank god, so she knocked 3 times, only to recieve no answer, so she did it again until she got tired and took it on her own hands to get inside, fortunately it not locked. I mean, she's her boss,and she's worried so what's wrong with trespassing inside of her secretary? Nothing.
"Y/n..." She called out softly, but nothing responded, instead as she walk more steps, her heart broke at the sound he heard.
It's Y/n's voice, she knows it, and the girl is clearly crying, and Scarlett became too desperate to find out. Curiosity got the best of her, and wandered around the small apartment more, until she stopped as soon as the sight of Y/n curled up in ball in a small couch went to her gaze.
She sees the girl shaking, sobbing loudly, a wrecked phone beside her feet, as she hold her face in her shaking hands. Y/n's shoulder is shaking violently, and Scarlett took no hesitation on walking towards her, slowly.
"Y/n..." The younger woman's head whipped at the sound of her name, quickly scrambling around to stand up and fix herself.
"Ms. Johansson-, what are you doing here?" Y/n asked avoiding the CEO's gaze.
Y/n looks so broken, even her voice sounded the same, it sounded so timid that it sounded like in any minute, she'll be bursting in tears. Her chest heaved up and down, almost chaotically, making Scarlett more worried.
She's shaking, her shoulders are violently shaking. She's still in her black dress, a dress that made Scarlett completely mesmerized, and became more simp for the younger woman. Even with her situation right now, Scarlett still finds her the most gorgeous woman that she had ever laid her eyes on.
She'll always gonna be the best girl for Scarlett.
"I was looking for you at the party, your friends told me you might've came home already...." Scarlett started off softly as she scanned the girl. "The door is opened, and I let myself in already, I hope you don't mind." Her heart broke at how Y/n looks so defeated.
"Oh- uh no... I don't mind." Y/n's voice is wavering. "W-what- what uhm-... What do you need, Ms. Johansson?" Y/n asked, still avoiding Scarlett's eyes, as she gaze at her broken cheap phone beside her feet.
Instead of answering, Scarlett decided to walk towards her, her feet softly padding on the old floor as she walk towards Y/n who became tensed at the sudden action, but nevertheless, Scarlett continued until she's just a few inches away from Y/n.
"Are you okay?" Scarlett started off softly, before bringing her head up to Y/n's cheeks, wiping some tears off softly. "What happened? Why are you crying, sweetheart?" As much as it warmed Y/n's heart, she gently pulled her face away from Scarlett's hands, making it fall down slowly.
"I-it's nothing-"Y/n was cut off by her own sob, as she uncontrollably broke down once again, her hands quickly going to her face.
"Hey, hey..." Scarlett brought the younger woman in a big hug, almost covering Y/n's whole body with her tall and masculine one.
Y/n's body rocked in sobs as Scarlett hold he tightly, the older woman's hand going up and down on Y/n's back comfortingly.
"Can you tell me what happened? It's okay if you don't want to, but i'm here okay? You can talk to me of whatever. None of that already, please?" Scarlett's voice wavered at the end, her heart breaking at the sight of Y/n and the sound of her loud broken sobs.
"N-no, y-you can g-go, Scarlett. I'll just do w-whatever you want with me t-tommorow..." Y/n tried to get away from Scarlett's grip, pushing her chest away slightly motioning that she wants to get away, but Scarlett only tightened her grip on the younger woman.
"Y/n." Scarlett said softly but sternly, demandingly rather, as if she doesn't want Y/n to do the actions again.
Y/n stopped, before a pit of sobs broke out of her once again, letting her body fall on to Scarlett chest, the comfort of the older woman is spreading her body like a wildfire, making her ask for more.
"Shhhh, it's gonna be okay, my darling. Whatever it is, it's gonna be okay. I'm gonna be with you, I promise, I'll be by your side, yeah?" Scarlett pulled away slightly to have a good look on Y/n, one of her hand is still on Y/n's waist.
"M-mom..." Y/n started, looking down. "My Mom's g-gone, Scarlett... I-i'm all alone now..." Once again, she cried, sobbing loudly before leaning in towards Scarlett.
Scarlett felt her skin became cold, her heart hammered in the inside of her chest.
It can't be. She already gave Y/n's mother the best doctors, and everyday making sure that everything is going well, all that with and without Y/n's knowledge.
Y/n knows that Scarlett is partially helping through her mother's therapy and all, but she didn't know that Scarlett is also the one who's paying for the expenses on the expensive hospital where her mother was in.
Scarlett even met Y/n's mother already, asking for her mother's blessing on having Y/n as her girlfriend, which Y/n's mother already gave Scarlett freely. Being the charming woman she is, she always visited Y/n's mother until she got what she wanted, showing her good intentions and all.
All that without Y/n's knowledge, but that enough for Scarlett to be calm knowing that no one can have her girl, except her and her only.
But now, Y/n's mother is gone, it saddened her, broke her heart even, she became utterly close with the woman, treating her like her own mother, while the woman treated her like her own daughter.
A part of her is somehow, relieved, thinking that Y/n's mother is already at peace, and knowing that she already promised to Y/n's mother that she'll protect her daughter for forever and eternity.
And she will.
She will never let Y/n feel that she's alone, she's here.
"I'm here." Scarlett said with much determination.
"I will always gonna be here, no matter how much you pushed me away, or whatever. And if you'll let me, I will give you the love I have been meaning to give you all along." Scarlett said softly, and hearing Y/n's sobs quite down she became nervous, as Y/n slowly look up at Scarlett with mixed emotions in her eyes.
Y/n doesn't know if she wants to believe what she's hearing or not, Scarlett had already shown her every thing for her to confirm that the older woman has a feelings for her, she fell for it, and now, hearing Scarlett saying this, it somehow brought the chaotic thoughts calm down about Scarlett in her mind.
And as they look at each other in each passing seconds, both of their hearts grew, and from that moment, Scarlett knew that everything she had been waiting for, the 'forever' she's been looking for, for so long, has now been found.
Her forever is now found.
And she doesn't have any intention of letting it slipped out of her hand, not for forever.
°^~°^~°^~°^~°^~°^~°^~°^~°^~°^~°^~°^~°^~
Wow, I never thought that this would get out of my drafts 😭 I just want to thank @thewidowsledger for giving me all the things that I really need to hear to continue my writing journey, thank you so much, Den! (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠) (Would you like a part 2 for this, everyone?)
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catnherthoughts · 9 months
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ptsd in romantic relationships 12/18/23
this is not fair to you and i apologize. there is nothing you have done to me as far as i've known. this weight coming onto you is not what you deserve. i should be sorry that i am the one you love*. you don't even know it! you have no clue and as much as i'd love for it to stay that way i don't know if i can keep hiding these panic attacks. but how am i meant to tell you. it's not a good thing and i'm meant to be good. i am as good as i can be because you picked me an made me yours. you gave me something i've been searching for for years and i have to nerve to feel any sort of way? it's been a very long time since i've been in therapy. i think that you can infer from some things. you aren't dumb, in fact you're a capricorn. with a cancer moon. god you are great.
i remember when we were in the car and you said you've never really had any sort of real emotional turmoil. you've never thought of suicide. never been abused to a degree that was severe. that is so nice. i was so grateful that you never had to experience something like that. you don't have any sort of weight on you. then immediately after i thought to myself. i have thought of it. there were days, weeks, months, years where it's all i thought of. more times than i'd like to admit that i've tried and for some reason unbeknownst to me all failed. all of them failed for me to come to you like a battered puppy inside.
you don't know what happened to me. how they hit me and what i was forced to take and how i was manipulated. i was meant to feel like i wasn't a person. that is what love is to me. i am scared everyday that you are going to do the same and that is not fair to you. you are nice to me. such a great partner. how could i ever think that way. i feel so horrible about myself when you say something stupid and i think about how you could be trying to manipulate me or trying to do something to me. when we got high over the phone and u joked about gaslighting i laughed it off but i almost went into a panicked frenzy.
i don't deserve you. i can't pretend like i am not who i am. you don't know me at heart and i don't even know if i can tell you. how is this gonna work. you don't get it and i don't want you to. no one has ever really loved me without repercussions to my psyche. i have scars on my body from everyone i've ever loved, whether self inflicted, inflicted by them, or mental. im so tired. i dont deserve you i should kill myself. you don't deserve a girlfriend like me. you deserve a girl that is okay mentally, no attempts under her belt, a normal girl. so you guys can love each other and you don't have to deal with this. i don't even want to deal with it. i don't want to tell you but i think after we break up i may do it. i got the love i've been longing for and i've been so tired of keeping going. you don't deserve a dead girlfriend. maybe i'll do it a few years after we break up so u don't think its your fault. if anything its the opposite. you're delaying the ineviatable by being such a good person.
i haven't been good at all. i'm a bad person. i can say that the world molded me this way but that is an excuse i chose not to take. there is something wrong with me in the soul after being thrown around the way i have. you don't deserve someone like me. if i had a gun i'd do it right now and leave you a long letter about how you were such a great boyfriend and how you helped me through what i'd never tell you about and all the things of that sort. i think that i was meant to perpetually be abused so that i can take all i can possibly take and then reach a breaking point where my method of choice actually goes through. i'm sorry that i am me.
gray text: ohh, guessing u don’t wanna talk about it
blue text: i don't want it to seem like i don't tell you why i feel some ways sometimes because of anything against you. there is just a good amount of things you don't know ab yet and eventually you'll know ab it all but i just get anxious that you won't look at me the same plus i don't wanna like burden u with this stuff i can deal w myself. i trust you a lot and rlly do appreciate you very much.
im so sorry that we met and you liked me.
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thedeadflag · 1 year
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I was skeptical of Baldur's Gate 3. I stayed away from trailers, from early access, from gameplay videos, etc. in case I wanted to play it in the future, but I wasn't expecting to play it for a while after release. In truth, I wasn't terribly excited, I hadn't bought into any of the hype.
First impressions below:
Some background first:
I've never found Forgotten Realms very interesting. I've read a dozen or so books in that setting, I've played in a D&D campaign run in the setting, I've played the previous D&D games (NWN, BG, ID games) and the lore was always the worst part of it, almost as bad and dry as the stuff you'd find in an Elder Scrolls game. I'd say the least interesting parts of Faerun involves the Sword Coast stuff, which tend to get the most focus for some reason, so immediately that's something I'm just not real interested in.
Larian is a developer that I respect due to their excellent behind the scenes work to build a quality engine, and their dedication to great gameplay mechanics on top of that. However, their writing has always been a clear weak point, at least in Divinity Original Sin and Divinity Original Sin 2. If their gameplay was a 9/10, their writing was a 3 or 4. Just real subpar stuff, whether it's dialogue, or tone, or characterization/development, or the narrative arcs, it's all been very sub-par, unimpressive, and unengaging. While DOS1 and DOS2 are very different in tone and scope, their quality was very similar in writing, and by the end of each game I kind of just wanted all of the supporting characters to not be there or to die. None of them were interesting, none of them had me remotely caring about them, none of them were memorable. Especially DOS2 was like a very poor man's Tyranny in terms of character writing quality. The games were fun to play, but I'd have to shut off my brain for them, essentially, to keep the poor writing from grating on my nerves.
So when a friend gifted Baldur's Gate 3 to me for my birthday as an early bday gift, I thought I may as well give it a shot.
To the game's credit, it's much better than I expected. The gameplay is what I expected it to be, a strong 8.5-9 out of 10. No surprise there.
But while it's in Faerun, and it's sort of in the sword coast area, it's not in Baldur's Gate (at least I haven't reached it in my 35 hours of gameplay, yet). it's less established stuff, and that's neat.
And the writing is much better. I'd say 7.5-8.5/10 for that so far. It's a 10/10 in horniness, though, and I respect that. They committed to that. I'm not sure if Larian bringing in outside talent is why it's better, or if their writing team suddenly improved leaps and bounds, or if writing duties were shared a lot more across the writing team instead of more of a vet-heavy approach, or if WotC had a hand in editing/approving their scripts and guided them to a better end result. Regardless of the 'why' of it all, I'm just glad the writing is engaging. The characters are largely engaging (and for the ones that are less so, they have the benefit of excellent voice acting). The narrative, outside of one significant part that irks me and reeks of someone badly mimicking the worst aspects of Bioware's writing, is pretty solid so far.
I've only had one thing spoiled for me so far, and I am glad I have been (if you're playing and want to know, you can feel free to reach out to me about it to potentially save yourself from a very disappointing arc...I fully expected what was spoiled and had already avoided it, but it was good to confirm so I didn't go that route on my eventual second playthrough).
All in all, a strong experience. I wouldn't say it's the best RPG ever, not yet, but it's one of the better ones in recent memory, one I'll happily hold in the same regard as Pillars of Eternity 1&2, Disco Elysium, etc.. And in that, it's a pleasant surprise.
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graveyard-thoughts · 8 months
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Sometimes I think that nothing I do is enough. No matter how much I investigate, work and study I always fall too short, flunk and stumble about like a fish out of water. It happens in my day to day life constantly. It's something that I have struggled with since I was but a child and even then I always felt like a disappointment to everyone around me as well as myself.
I can't human the way other do, no matter how much I try it always comes out clanky, just too off and painfuly weird. I get looks by just being myself but it gets worse if I try to interact like a human for a while and then revert back to myself. I am barely tolerated as I pretend to human jet as soon as I quiet down and become myself I can feel the way others are uncomfortable around me and how I'm just something that's off, something wrong in their life.
It eats me up inside. I fill my head with insecureites, my stomach with dread and claws at my nerves. I am not enough. Yet I am too much. I am nothing more than an Unwanted guest in the lives of others, no matter how much I try.
In my previous job I thought I had made friends. I really thought we were close and could continue being friends once I left that job. I did what I could to try and interact with them, I went out of my way to talk to them fighting off my anxiety and dread. But it should not have surprised me that they preferred my best friend over me. It was something that has happened before, as they are a wonderful person that knows how to interact with others and has more likes that are common and known by others than me. It happened before, I was and still am a second choice next to my bff. I don't blame them they are my bff for a reason yet it hurts. It hurts like someone has taken a knife and plunged it to my chest and is slowly carving my heart out. Even after all these years of practice of knowing I will never be the first choice either as a friend or a partner it still hurts. It still feeds my insecurities and drowns me in rejection. It's the tinder to the flames of my self hate. It carves at my brain and digs into my depression feeding it these reoccurring insecurities that keep being re affirmed time after time.
Yet even if I try to interact with others alone it doesn't change the feeling of me being other. I don't know how to human. I am terrible at keeping contact and talking to others as I feel as if I am too much and don't want others to be bothered by me.
I wish I was content with the fact that I have a small group of very close friends. I used to be content with that, they are good people and they care for me as I do for them yet recently I've been feeling empty. I've been feeling the loss of not being loved as easily by others like my bff.
I've always wanted to be loved in my entirety. I wanted someone to look at me and through me and see that I am broken, scarred, terribly flawed and still fall in love with me in my entirety. Someone that will want to take care of me the way no one else ever had. Someone who will be my partner and support as I bumble my way through life as I am theirs. I just want to be loved. Loved the way they do in books and movies. In their entirety no matter what.
It's something that knocks my breath away out of the blue. It's an ache that makes itself known randomly only to have the ache pulse dully against my entire being as if it's a drug the my body craves even though it's not something I've ever had before.
It used to bring me comfort that even tho I will be alone I have my friends. But it doesn't anymore. So, I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I will be alone in life again. That I am too much and not enough. That I am strange, weird and off putting. That I don't like anything. That all I like is bad, strange and weird. That I can't talk to people. That my personality is violent, grating, blunt and terrible. That I act like a mother to others but not enough to be seen as someone who cares so deeply that I am constantly droning in my emotions. That I am nothing more than a place holders for others and a skipping stone for the rest. That I am so much that my bff is my handler. That everyone goes to them instead of me to talk about me. It burns at me, it feels me with sorrow and rage that others are afraid of me or pity me or whatever they think that they prefer to go to my bff as if I am just a wild animal they can play with but anything of importance had to be passed through my handler ad they are the one that have the power.
I need to be fine with being unloved.
I need to be fine with being treated like I am a monster that is being kept by my handler.
I need to learn that I will never be enough for anyone, including myself.
I have to learn to stop wanting more...
I just want to be loved.
Like they do in books
Like in the movies
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lhecxzsaisgay · 2 years
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Hidden Love - Scarlett Johansson
Scarlett being a complete simp but an asshole for Y/n at the same time, will Y/n forgive her boss? When will Scarlett change and confess? What would be the ending is gonna look like?
Ready your tissues!
[Angst with happy ending!]
~~~~~~~~~~
Y/n's POV:
"Don't worry, Ma. I'll try to send you more money than usual, just rest and do what the doctor's says, okay?" I said on the phone with gentle voice to my mother.
I only have my mother, and unfortunately, she was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. I never knew my dad, and i didn't really grew up having everything i want, and well, need. My mother needed to work 24 hours, and only having a payment that is good for our 2 days food, but she's so strong and determined, that even that's our life situation, i managed to finish my school.
Now, im working, trying to work hard enough to have enough money to take my mother in a chemotherapy, i've been actually saving up for it, and for her operation, which is not really doing well.
She has so many supplements needed that is already half of my payment, and i still have so many bills to pay, from my rent payment, to my electricity and water bills, same goes to the house of my mother that she currently lives in right now.
I'm working at J.Corp, short term for, Johansson's Corporation, i work here from 6 in the morning, then to 7 in the evening, then after that, i have my shift to a convinient store from 8 in the evening, to 3 in the morning. Sometimes i don't really eat in order to save enough money, because i really want my mother to go to therapy already.
She's all i have left, and what more could i lose if i lost her too?
"Don't worry about me, darling. I promise you, i will be just fine. Don't forget to eat, okay? Take care of yourself." She said her voice lacing with the comfort that i missed everyday.
"Yes, i know Ma. I'll try to go there when i have enough money-" I was cut off when the voice of my boss rang through the air from the intercom.
"Y/l/n."
I rolled my eyes before bidding my goodbye to my mother, telling her that I'll just call her back later.
Ughh, what does she needs right now?
It's already break time, that means no work. I only hope she's just calling me right now for another free food, because if not, hell will lose.
My work here in this company has ups and down, well, the downs are mostly caused by my very own boss, Scarlett Johansson. I don't know what i did to that woman, because there's not a day where she wouldn't yell at me for completely nothing, or just gives me tons of works, that i know, is supposed to be for the others to work on.
The ups are because of my friends, well, sometimes, it's caused by Ms. Johansson too though. She's just so random sometimes, like in first, she would act all devil to me as if i did something very horrible to her, then the next, she's inviting me to have a lunch with her, sometimes dinner in a very expensive restaurants, which is im very grateful for, but it's all just confusing.
I mean, why me of all people that is on this building, that is probably much more worth her time?
She always manages to get in my nerves, but in all those bad things she does to me, i can't helo but catch feelings for the woman because of every little kind things and gestures she do to me, which i probably found weird, like...she's always mean to me and all, but i mean...she's beautiful, and sometimes can be such a gentlewoman, that so many people here has a crush on her.
But, i always just take those feelings and thoughts aside. Because, well, she always -not just being mean to me- but sometimes, she get on my nerves that it hurts my feelings already, but all i did is to listen to her hurtful words towards me, while wondering what i did wrong.
It's just all exhausting and very rude of her, that sometimes i just find myself crying in the dark while walking to the convinient store. I already have so many problems, and she still adds up, confusing me and hurting me mentally, and it just gets all to much.
But, even if i want to quit already, i can't. This work is what gives me money to survive and help my mother, ofcourse i wouldn't waste it even if i have to go through hell in the process.
"Come in." I heard her say from the other side of the door.
"Yes, Ms. Johansson?" I asked while looking at her, standing just beside the door.
She looked up at me with a stone cold face, she looked at me up and down, almost looking like she's judging every part of like that made me shrink on where i am standing.
I just only hope for one thing, for her to not yell and shout at me, because dude, i am not really having a very good day. I still haven't eaten breakfast, or even lunch, and it's now dinner time, and im trying so hard not to feel weak because i still my have my shift in the convinient store. Then my mom, and...just all.
The payments of the bills will be coming next week, along with my mother's, and thank god, my payment here will be given to me tommorow. That's why i didn't eat, i will just buy more food tommorow.
"Did you already eat?" She asked.
This is what im talking about the small kind gestures of hers, that i don't even know she do with everyone here in the company, or it's just me.
"I-i uhh- i still didn't, Ms. Johansson." I said with my head hung down. I heard her stand up abruptly, then i heard papers scattering around.
"Did you ate lunch?" I shook my head. "Breakfast?" I shook my head.
"Oh come on, for fuck sake, Y/n! We've already talked about this, didn't we? Don't act like a child wanting to be reminded on when to eat, because none of us here want your burden. We can't just have you collapsing out of nowhere because you didn't ate like last time."
And this is what i said about her, being mean and rude and evil and bad, and just all the worse things you can think of.
"I - im sorry, Ms. Johansson..." I heard her click her tounge, before her footsteps walked near me.
"Come with me, let's eat dinner together." I heard her say, before completely walking past me.
"But, Ms. Johansson, i still have a lot of paperworks to do-" I was cut off by her.
"Shut up and just follow me, Y/n." She said with her usual cold tone.
I sighed defeatedly before running after her, stopping at my desk and quickly getting my back. I just followed her like a puppy until we're in her car, and being the 'gentlewoman' that she is, she opened the door for me.
What she said earlier was true, i blacked out because of hunger and stress, but i just told her that i was so busy, because well, im too shy to tell her my life condition, i don't want her judging me when she's always doing it everyday, i can't handle it anymore if she used my life situation to say mean things to me.
I stayed silent the whole drive, fiddling with my fingers as i did so, and occasionally glancing at her. Her jaw are tensed, all of her are tensed. I always try to act all brave, but in inside, i get scared of her sometimes, that i caught myself flinching at the small sounds that i would hear everywhere.
The dinner, well it was silent too, but speaking of the little gestures she do to me, she did what she usually does, cutting the hard pieces of food for me, and literally flooding the table and my plate with tons of foods.
"Your work time is already over, I'll get you home." She said as she started the car.
"Oh- uhm, actually, can you drop me off at the convinient store but the street after your building?" I asked and she looked at me, frowning.
"You're still working there?" She spat out, making me look down, avoiding her burning gaze. "Didn't i told you to quit working there already? You're living all by yourself, you didn't need to work there too, to survive for the living..."
I do, Scarlett. Unfortunately, i fucking do.
"No wonder why you always pass me late paperworks." She said, and i can see in my peripheral vision that she's shaking her head.
All i wanna do is to cry as she drive the car. How can she say those things to me when she doesn't even know what and how my life is like?
"Thank you, for the dinner." I said once we stopped infront of the store.
"Just get out." She said without even sparing me a glance.
"Bye, drive safely." I muttered before getting out, once i was out, she drove almost instantly.
I felt tears brimmed out of my eyes, but quickly wiped it and shook my head while taking a deep breaths.
It's okay. It's going to be okay.
~~~~~~~~~~
No one's POV:
"Bye, drive safely." Scarlett heard the soft tone of the woman she loves for 3 years.
It's hard to love Y/n in the dark, and be a devil when she's infront of the woman as if she didn't fantasize about Y/n walking down the aisle as she waited on the altar, or having a multiple kids with the younger girl and just living the best life with her.
"Just get out." Scarlett internally cringed and cursed herself for sounding so mean.
Every mean words that would come out of her mouth to Y/n's ear, she would immediately feel guilty and get completely mad at herself.
As much as she wants to be kind and apologize to the poor girl already, she can't just risk it. All of it. She scared and terrified that if ever they got more closed, then Scarlett might no be able to control herself and be all obsessed with Y/n. And she's too traumatized at her past relationship, that it gets in her head when she thinks of having Y/n as her girlfriend.
What if she got hurt again? Or what if she hurt the most genuine person she knows? The only woman who she truly love for all her life. As much as it's a very idiotic thing for her to do those things to the pure woman, she just can't help but do it.
Not that it makes her happy or anything in the latter, but it's most likely just her way of having Y/n's attention, because whenever she'd alone at her, she gets to have Y/n all for herself. She's just so stubborn to makes everything easy and better with her relationship with Y/n.
She knows she's being shit and all, and that anytime, she might lose her girl, but this is the only way she can think of to do, due to what she had been through her life, not just her past relationship.
She don't even have any idea why Y/n is still working for her. But, this time, with the help of her friend's -Wanda's- words, she knows that this gotta stop soon. Which is her goal. She's just trying to find the courage, and the right words to say, and hoping that she will not gonna be too late for that.
She loved you from the moment you walked through her office door, she's just too scared to admit it to herself, and as days and months passed, she found herself being wrapped up around you finger.
She knows what she's doing is sometimes getting out of line, but due to her stress and on what she's been through, that's just kind of her things, which is not good, but she will surely change it, not just for herself, but especially for you, and you only.
"You gotta stop treating Y/n like that, she's the kindest person i know, and she doesn't deserve to be treated anything like that, Natasha."
She still remembers Wanda's words in her mind like it's tattooed there already. But, not to worry, she'll be asking for your forgiveness soon enough, and she'll do everything, even if she needs to get on her knees and kiss your feet.
All i well and peaceful as she sit on her desk chair, listing everyone who she will be paying for tommorow, and you're one of those people, she figured that maybe, this is gonna be a good timing to apologize to you, she can just order you to come to her penthouse that is on the top floor of this building and tell you that she'll give you the money there, then she'll apologize.
That's a good idea, right? Right.
A ding from her phone caught her attention, she immediately clicked the message of one of her men's, that she hired to watch over you. Yeah, she's too possessive like that.
Anger immediately rose inside her body, as the apologies she's planning to do faded in her mind like bubbles. It's a video of you, being held by a man she knows all to well. It's the man that is always hugging you from every video her men's sends her, who is also your co worker at the store.
She doesn't want to think things too fast, but she just can't help but thought of what's your connection with that man. She once asked you about your love life and you said you're single, but this man keeps making her think otherwise.
Anger, jealousy and all rose inside her body, until all of it filled her up completely.
Maybe she can just do the apologies in another day.
~~~~~~~~~~
Y/n's POV:
Today is the day im gonna have my payment.
After a whole breakdown last night at the store, i am feeling very well right now, thanks to my a good friend of mine, Max, he's a boy. He's very kind enough to comfort me and even walked me home, things like that are normal to us, plus, i would trust him with my life, not that because he's my friend, but because i know he won't take advantage of me or anything because he's very gay.
I'm now walking towards to Ms. Johansson's office, instantly warning at the lack of seeing people on the way. Usually, when it's the day of paying off, so many people would be scattering around her, but now? It's dead silence, only the sound of silent conversing, and the typing on keyboards. I was gonna knock on the door already, but i was stopped when Samantha called me out.
"Y/n! Hey! Ms. Johansson said you'll be receiving your payment up there." I frowned instantly.
"Are you guys have been payed already?" I asked, turning my whole body to her.
"Yeah, you didn't know? She sent us all a messages saying that we need to go here earlier than usual..." She explained unsurely.
"No...she didn't...." I trailed of on my words.
I bid Sam a goodbye and said that im gonna go upstairs. I quickly ran towards the elevator with my heart pounding in my chest.
What if she's gonna give me my last payment because she'll gonna fire me now?
Oh god, oh god, oh god-
I was brought out of my trance when the ding of the elevator rung out, i quickly walk towards inside, trying to find a trace of Ms. Johansson, while calling her name. I soon stopped when i saw her laying at a pool bench, sunbathing with just a a piece swimsuit.
I blushed and looked down, trying to avoid her smooth and bright skin.
"Ms. Johansson." I made my presence known, and in my peripheral vision, i felt her looked up, then stand up, there's a movements came from her but i didn't looked up.
"Ms. Y/l/n..." I can hear her voice that she has a smirk. "You can look up now." And i did, and saw her in a robe.
"Ms. Johansson, im here to take my payment." I said politely, giving her a tight small smile, but it was soon turn into a frown when i saw her face fell.
"Ooh, that....right. Well, actually, Ms. Y/l/n, you wouldn't be receiving anything." I frowned, as i felt my heart fell.
"W-what? Why? W-what did i do?" I stammered, my heart is now hammering in my chest.
"What did you do? Why don't you think about the days i always yelled at you for failing almost all of the paperwork i gave you? Did you forget about all that already?" She said with a sadistic tone.
I avoided her gaze, instead i gaze forwards, which is enough to not see her eyes, since she's a lot taller than me.
"No, i didn't, Ms. Johansson. But, as far as i can remember, i already made all my mistakes right. And...not all the time of you, calling me in your office, was because i did something wrong." I can't help but let out that harshly than i intended it to be.
I really need that money, and there's no way i will get out here without that.
"Oooh, getting too confident now, are we, Ms. Y/l/n?" She said with a teasing tone.
I can't help but feel humiliated in our current situation, and it makes me feel so small that all i want to do is to die or just jump right off of this building.
"Ms. Johansson, please, i really need the money. I will do everything you'll say, just please..." I pleaded, maybe being too confident and fighting back would just make her not give it to me.
"Anything?" She asked, and i nodded.
"Anything." I said, looking up at her. I saw a glint in her eyes, but it was soon faded.
"This is what you want, right?" She waved the stack of dollar in the air with her hand, and i nodded, before widening my eyes at the next action she made.
"Then get it." She said as she throw the money to the large swimming pool she has here.
I don't know how to swim, my body turned cold, but the desperation got the best of me.
Without that money, i will not have the chance to pay my bills. I need that. Most importantly, my mother needs that.
"What are you waiting for?" I flinch at her voice, looking back up at her with tears in my eyes.
I felt so little, like a slave, and so poorly humiliated. My heart aches at the thought of someone, treating me like this. I know that she is much up there than me who is literally living like a stray puppy, but she has no rights to do this to me.
She is so evil.
I saw how her eyes changed its look, it's like she got taken back about something, but before she can even utter i look back at the deep swimming pool, where all the dollars are floating.
I took a deep breath, before swallowing the lump on my throat. I walk fastly to the pool, then jump, with one thing on my mind.
This is for my mother.
I heard her voice called me out, but i didn't cared, and tried my best to get all of the money, while trying to gasp for air everytime i came to the surface, only to realize that im literally in the middle of the pool.
With every jump from the bottom, i realized that im at the very deep, my movements became frantic as i felt myself losing so much oxygen, while i kept hearing her muffled voice screaming my name worriedly.
I already drank the water, and some went through my nose, i was gonna reach out for another dollar when i felt a strong big arms wrapped itself around me, and the next thing i know, i was gasping for air while holding the wet money in my hands tightly.
I hope my asthma doesn't attack me right now.
"What the fuck, Y/n? Why the fuck did you do that? You could've died!" She yelled and i flinch while still gasping, and looked at the pool to see that there's still left, i was gonna jump again, but her strong masculine arms caught me.
"Hey! Stop! Stop!" She yelled, trapping me completely in her arms.
I couldn't take it anymore, my chest is burning, along with the pain im feeling right now. I sobbed, and cried hard not caring of what her reaction will be.
"H-hey.." Her voice sounded as if she was being strangled.
"Get off of me..." I breathed out, i want to vomit, maybe because of the amount of water i drunk and i felt it hard to breathe. "T-there's still more...i-i n-need to get that...my-my m-mom needs i-it..." I stammered, my tone is completely broken.
"P-please...i-i need to get it.." I thrashed around her arms, but then she hugged me, completely trapping me in her arms.
"Hey, hey, darling...it's okay, you don't have to get that...shhh, shhh, im sorry, i-im sorry..." Even me, i couldn't recognize her voice.
I stopped thrashing around, but still continue to gasp for air, my cries and sobs filled through the air. I felt so helpless, so poor, humiliated, and very desperate.
I looked down at the money in my arms, avoiding the sweet nothings she kept whispering in my ears. Her voice sounded soft, it tweaks, and sometimes it breaks, like she's crying.
"I-it's still n-not enough..." I said breathlessly. "Get off of me." I demanded weakly. "Please, stop making it all so hard for me...please...i just wanted my money...please...i can't- i cant do this anymore." I whispered brokenly, trying to push her death grip on me.
She kept muttering an apologies, then comforting words, but all i felt towards her is hatred, madness and all the worse things to feel.
We stayed like that until i calmed down. I'm still breathing unevenly, and i know im having my asthma. I'm shaking and all, with my lips quivering as i sob quietly. I don't know what's happening to her as she's holding me tightly, while whispering apologies to me.
Out of nowhere she picked me up ever so gently, while still whispering that it's all gonna be okay, and she's so so sorry. With all the things that had happened, i felt so weak, so weak that i can't even open my mouth because of exhaustion, im still gripping the money that is in my hand.
She went inside her penthouse while still carrying me, both of my hand is on my chest, clutching it together as i still feel my chest tightening, then the side of my head is on her shoulder.
I felt so weak.
My body is still shaking, and I don't know how to stop it.
I felt so cold, and i know that im going to be sick for days.
Why does Scarlett have to be mean to me?
My lips wobbled at my thoughts, as a strangled sob came out of it.
"Shhh, im sorry, im sorry....stop crying already, baby. It hurts my heart to see you cry..." I'm too exhausted to even manage to think what she just said as the next thing i know is she put me on the bathtub.
"N-no...i wanna go home..." I protested weakly, shaking my head as i look at up at her, to see her already looking up at me.
"No, you'll stay here, you'll stay here. It's okay, im sorry please, stay here...stay here for now, please....let me just take care of you, yeah?" She pleaded making me frown at her attitude, but i shook my head.
"N-no...t-the money, i need i-" I was cut off by her.
"The money will be fine, sweetheart. I'm your boss, you'll do as i said." She demanded with a soft tone. I didn't utter a word anymore, then look down.
"Can you give me that for a second, love?" She pointed at the money in my hand, i opened my hand and she took it then out it on the table beside the little table beside the bathtub, but not before kissing my head and saying 'good girl'. Then she took my face with her hands, looking at me with the most softest look she's given me.
"Don't worry about the money, okay?" She asked softly, and i nodded.
"But, i need it.." I said.
"I know, but don't worry about it for now, okay? Clean yourself first- do you need any help?" She asked and i shook my head.
"Okay, im just gonna be right outside the bathroom, okay? I'll get you some clothes and there's a brush and extra towels there, okay?" She pointed at the drawer under the sink.
"Just call me if you need anything, okay?" I nodded once again, and she smiled a little before kissing my head, leaving a lingering kiss there that felt so different.
She left and i started cleaning myself.
~~~~~~~~~~
Scarlett's POV:
As soon as i close the bathroom door, i sighed, leaning my head against it.
Why did i do that? Fuck.
Everything felt so wrong, my heart shattered into pieces as the earlier moments ran through my mind once again. Just thinking of how desperate she was earlier to get the money hurt me in the most impossible way, and the thought of her, almost dying because of what i did, is slowly killing me. The look on her face, fuck. It's all plastered in the back of my head, and the scenes kept playing without a stop.
An idea came into my mind, i quickly get her some clothes first, which is probably gonna be too big for her, i put it outside the bathroom door, on the table beside it. Then, i quickly pulled out my phone, dialing Wanda, not before walking far away enough from the bathroom.
"Hey, Lizzie?" I asked.
"Hey, Scar. What's up?" She asked.
"I need you to do me a favor." I said, then get straight to the point.
I told her to do a background check on Y/n's personal life, and do everything to see what my girl's life is really like. Then i told her what had happened, which she scolded me for. I told her my plan on getting Y/n and then after that, she made me promised to not to do something bad to Y/n again, or she said, she'll steal the girl from me, which made me a little aggressive, and cursed her through the phone, then we said goodbye.
After the phone call, i felt presence behind me, making me look around and saw Y/n standing there, looking so adorable and pretty as ever. My clothes is so big for her, but it makes my heart melt at the sight. Though, my heart still aches because she wouldn't even look at me straight in the eyes.
"I- uh, im gonna take my money now, then go home." Her voice is raspy, i quickly made a move walking to the kitchen then getting a glass of water.
"Come here, please." I said softly, while pouring a water in the glass.
She looked at me for a second, and when she caught me staring at her she quickly looked down, before hesitantly walking towards the kitchen countertop.
"Take a seat." I said with soft voice.
Now's my only chance, well, if i still have.
I slide the glass towards her and told her to drink it, which she did, almost downing it in just a 10 seconds. I watch her every movements with longing eyes, as my heart shatter on how afraid she seemed infront of me. It took me everything in my power to not to let my tears fall of.
I knew, by the moment and scenes we had earlier, i knew i already went beyond the line, and i will stop it right here. No procrastinations anymore. I walked towards her and stop by here side until im just a few inches from her. My arms are aching to be wrapped around her, while i beg for forgiveness, which i know i don't deserve, but i can still try, right?
I saw how she became tensed, but still continue on infront of her at a black space. I see her hands that is on the table shaking a little, which breaks my heart a little more, and i see her chest heaved as she breath.
"Y/n..." I called out softly, with my voice slightly wavering. "Can you look at me, hun? Please?" I asked, as i raised my hands to touch her cheeks, but quickly stopped when i saw her flinch and shielded her hands infront of her face.
I can hear my heart shattering into pieces, goosebumps started to form on my skin. I couldn't help and stop the tears that brimmed out of my eyes as i look down at her.
"P-please...i just wanna go home with my money..." She whispered so brokenly.
"Y/n...." I breathed out, but she put her hands down while shaking her head, now looking at me.
"P-please, j-just give me my money, and I'll quit, y-you won't see me anymore, just please, let me go in peace. I can't take what you're doing to me anymore....i promise, I'll quit." She rambled, and my heart stopped at the words she said.
"You can hurt me all you want if that's what will get you to give me my money, do anything- everything you want, yell at me, hurt me, slap me, i-i don't care, just give me my money, please, my- my mother needs it..." She pleaded, with her hands clasped and her eyes full of tears while looking up at me.
Tears are now streaming down on my face, the look she's giving me now, and along with the words she's saying is breaking me apart.
"Stop saying those things, i-i would never hurt you, okay?" I demanded, my voice getting hard.
Why would she thought im gonna hurt her? I would never dare or even think about laying a finger on her.
Am i that bad to her, for her to think this way?
"...and i will never gonna shout at you again, okay?..." My hands seems to have their own mind as it unconsciously went to her soft cheeks, caressing it as soon as they landed on the soft skin. "I'm sorry, im really sorry, not just for the things that i did today, but for all the things i did to you. I-i i never meant any mean words that i told you, it's very hard to explain it right now, but i promise you, there's something behind those things on why i treated you like that. Just please, don't leave, okay? Don't quit on me, please...." I pleaded looking down at her as my thumb continued on caressing her cheeks.
She looked down, and let out a sob.
"But, im tired..." She breathed out brokenly. "I'm so tired." She sobbed out before looking at me with mixed emotions in her eyes.
"You don't know how much you always hurt me everyday by those mean words you say to me, you don't know h-how i feel when i would walked out of you office with my head down ashamed of how much they might've probably think of how idiot i am because everyday, you'll scream at me. You don't know how i felt so humiliated, so little with everything that you did to m-me. I hate you. I despise you." She whispered the last 2 sentence with full of hatred and dark tone.
I sobbed out, before pulling her in my arms, her head is on my chest, i hold her tightly as i sobbed while chanting an apologies. She kept pushing me, but i made no move on pulling away, that it seemed to might've got in her nerves as she weakly punched me in the chest repeatedly. She's too thin and small than me, so it's no use.
I always told her to eat, and always makes her come with me to eat, because i hate how she looked so malnourished.
Maybe, later the day, i hope to find out what her personal life is really like. I have a feeling that it's nowhere near the words of good life, because of how desperate she is on getting the money, but whatever it will be, i took a mental note on helping her with it, it doesn't matter if she would decline or not, because i will surely do anything to help her, and she can't stop me.
"I know, i know you hate me, it's okay, shhh...there you go, punch me, yell at me, do whatever you want, it's okay..." I said with gentle tone while still holding her tightly.
She kept thrashing around, but i just keep her in lock in my arms, while still whispering comforting words and apologies to her ear occasionally. Fortunately, soon enough, she calmed down.
She's sniffling, and coughing, and she's still shaking, making me feel very worried. I pour a water on the glass with my hand one, while the other is still holding her, then i give it to her.
"Can you drink this for me, darling?" I ask gently, she didn't do anything, so i asked once again.
"Please, drink this? You need to drink water, so you'll still gonna be hydrated." I said softly, and this time, she shook her head.
"I wanna go home..." I sighed defeatedly, i kissed her head and put the glass down.
I took her face with my one hand, pulling it towards me for her gaze to be on me. Her face has no emotions, but her eyes says it all. She's tired, exhausted, even. And i know it's my fault. Her eyes are bloodshot red, same goes to her nose, there's so many stained tears on her cheeks, just by looking at her face made me more mad at myself, and felt extremely more guilty.
"I'm gonna let you go home with your money, I'll even double it, but promise me you're not gonna quit. I mean, even if you really do consider it, i won't let you, but say it to my face that you won't quit, or else-" She cut me off.
"Or else what?" She asked.
"Or else you won't gonna get to step outside, and i will lock you in here." I said with my dominant voice, before silence elope around us.
"Why are you being like this to me?" She asked with the smallest voice, after a minutes of silence.
"Because, i like- love you. I love you, since the first day you walked through my office door, i didn't want to admit it to myself because im scared, but as months passed by, i fell more harder for you, and i-...i couldn't stop it anymore-" She cut me off, once again.
"Please, stop with the bullshit-" I frowned and immediately cut her off.
"Stop saying it's just a bullshit things , because it's not." I said with an offended tone.
"Because it is. How can you say you love me after all the things you have done to me? After how you treated me like shit, as if im just someone who's born to be treated like that?" She quickly interfered making me shut up.
I mean, i have my reasons, but i know deep inside me, it's not that even good enough and too reasonable to say.
I'm too lost in my thoughts because the next thing i know is she easily got out of my arms.
"I won't gonna quit, if you would just give me my money, and let me leave peacefully. And, please, if you really are sorry, stop treating me like an animal, and start treating me like a human." That broke my heart, knowing i really did already got beyond the line.
I was too stunned to speak as all i can do i to watch her her her things, and when she's done, she stopped infront of me. I snapped out of my thoughts, and told her to wait until i get the money. I quickly walk to my office, and took a couple stacks of dollars, that is probably 10x more than her usual payment, but i didn't care.
She frowned when i put it on her hands, then looked at me confusedly.
"It's all yours." I said, with a small smile.
"No, im not gonna accept this just because you pity me or anything." She said while giving me the other stacks, and keeping what is rightfully hers.
"No, you don't have to want it, but i insist. Please, just- just take it." I said, giving her the money, but she shook her head before stepping away from me.
"I don't need that, just give it to those who needs it the most." She said before completely walking away.
I tried to call her, but she just continue to walk until she stopped infront of the elevator. I stand up, running after her as she got in, she turned around and looked at me, tears are visible in her eyes.
"No." She said weakly, but i didn't stopped and continue walking towards the elevator.
"Stop!" She demanded, and i stopped.
I saw the elevator doors closing little by little, a lone tear made its way down on my face, just like hers, but hers are more.
"Y/n..." I called out unknowingly.
"Scarlett..." She quickly said with the same tone as me, as if we're greeting each other, but this one, we have a sad tone.
Soon enough, the elevator closed, i walked towards it completely, before throwing multiple hard punches on it. Tears are now completely streaming down my face, as her name longingly slipped out of my lips while i sob.
Did i lose my chances already?
~~~~~~~~~~
No One's POV:
"Hey, guys- wait, where's my desk?" Y/n was supposed to greet her friend, but stopped mid way as she took notice of her missing desk.
"Oh god, thank god, you're here! We're gonna ask you the same thing!" Samantha exclaimed worriedly, as Gab nodded.
Y/n felt her heart pounding. What if she's been fired? I mean, there's some good things there, she won't gonna experience being with someone so evil, but she's not ready, by the way Scarlett acted yesterday, saying she won't let Y/n quit. So many thoughts run through her mind, as her friends waited for her answer, the raspy voice boomed from the intercom.
"Ms. Y/l/n, come to my office, please."
Surprisingly, Scarlett's voice is not that cold and scary, it's soft, warm, and she even used a please.
"Go, tell us what happened, okay?" Gab said, and Y/n nodded before turning to her heels and walking towards the office with so many thoughts running through her mind.
She knocked on the door, receiving a soft come in, before she completely went inside. Her eyes quickly landed on a extra desk that is on the corner, with boxes on top of it. She averted her gaze and looked at Scarlett, who is looking at her with soft eyes and small smile?
"Come here. Take a seat." Scarlett softly commanded and Y/n nodded obeying what Scarlett had said.
"Uh- Ms. Johansson, may i ask where's my desk? I mean, my work desk, the one where i work, it's not there when i arrive-" Y/n rambled, avoiding Scarlett's eyes as if she's scared, well, she's nervous, but Scarlett's heart shatter at the thought of Y/n being scared of her.
Scarlett swallowed the lump on her throat, before clearing it. "That's actually the reason why i called you here. From now on, you'll be working here, in this office with me. That..." Scarlett pointed at the desk. "..is yours, and your paperwork will be lessen, but you'll gonna be with me- always gonna be with me everyday and everytime." Scarlett explained, Y/n frowned.
"Is my time here is still the same?" Y/n asked, and Scarlett shook her head.
"You'll go home, once i go home. You'll go here, once i go here. So practically, you're time will be from 7 in the morning, to 10 in the evening." Y/n frowned, but she didn't said anything.
What about her job at the convinient store?
It's as if Scarlett can read her mind, Scarlett speak up.
"And your job at the store is gone, but your payment here will be triple, so you don't have to worry about that. I already talked to the owner of the store, and she immediately agreed." Well, more like, she payed the owner.
Triple of my payment? That's too much. Y/n thought.
"Any question, Ms. Y/l/n?" Scarlett asked, and Y/n shook her head.
"None, Ms. Johansson, thank you. I'll be starting my work now." Y/n said and stood up, but Scarlett stopped her.
"Wait." Scarlett immediate said, making Y/n stop and turned her body to face Scarlett, but still not meeting the older woman's gaze. "...can you look at me?...please..." That's all it took for Y/n to look at Scarlett slowly.
Y/n saw many emotions on Scarlett's face, there's a small frown, her lips are in a thin line, her eyes are slightly red and smaller than it usually are.
"Did you already eat?" No.
Y/n nodded.
"Y-yeah, i-i already ate." She didn't, she already sent all her money to her mother, despite her mother's declines and disagreements, she still did.
Tho, she left money for her bills and all, and a little for her food for a week or 2, but, it's just like for, 1 food for a day.
Even with her best lying action, Scarlett still saw right through Y/n, and she took a mental note on putting more food on Y/n's plate later for lunch and dinner.
"Okay, you may go now." Scarlett said with a soft tone, and Y/n nodded before walking to her desk, arranging all her things again.
Days, week, and a few months goes by, it gets better, it's slow, but there's an improvement on their relationship. Unfortunately, not for Y/n's mother's health.
Scarlett always do this little things that made Y/n's heart soften towards the older woman. Everyday she went to work, there's gonna be a food on her desk, when she would look at Scarlett in curiosity, she would see her being busy and all. Tho, there's no name on it, she knows very well that it's from the blonde woman.
And since everyday, they are together, her heart soften more at the little gestures that the woman does to her, she would open up the door for Y/n, she's very kind towards her now, she's not shouting anymore, and! Everyday, and i mean, everyday, and there's even an exact time that Y/n would recieve different types of flowers, she confronted Scarlett about it, but Scarlett just always changes the topic, after saying; "It's from me, now...blah blah blah...."
Sometimes, Y/n catch Scarlett looking at her, then looked away as if she's not been staring at the younger woman's soul. And ofcourse, with all of those things, it did something to Y/n, but she's just too scared to admit it and figure it out for herself.
Until one night, one moment led to something more.
"Hey, did you guys saw Y/n by any chance?" Scarlett asked Y/n's friends, as she look for the small girl at the crowd of so many people.
There's currently a party for a successful year on their company, and Scarlett decided to throw a big party, with everyone who is working for her, along with other business man and woman who they got to collab in this years events.
Scarlett did saw Y/n earlier, but there's so many interruptions here and there, and she lost her girl. Now, she got the chance to find her as the party started, since they already have a great enough relationship with each other, maybe it's time for Scarlett to move?
We don't want anyone getting you instead of Scarlett, do we?
"Oh, yeah, she actually went home already." Samantha said, and Scarlett nodded before saying thank you.
Taking a few deep breaths, Scarlett told the people who are in charge of the party to guide all the people and to finish this in a few hours already, saying she'll gonna call it a night already.
After that, she quickly went to her car, driving as fast as she could to Y/n's house, with a very nervous nerve and afraid feeling. What if she got rejected? No. I mean, either way she'll always gonna find a solutions to get to call Y/n hers.
Soon enough, she arrived. Some lights are still on, thank god, so she knocked 3 times, only to recieve no answer, so she did it again until she got tired and took it on her own hands to get inside, fortunately it not locked. I mean, she's her boss,and she's worried so what's wrong with trespassing inside of her secretary? Nothing.
"Y/n..." She called out softly, but nothing responded, instead as she walk more steps, her heart broke at the sound he heard.
It's Y/n's voice, she knows it, and the girl is clearly crying, and Scarlett became too desperate to find out. Curiosity got the best of her, and wandered around the small apartment more, until she stopped as soon as the sight of Y/n curled up in ball in a small couch went to her gaze.
She sees the girl shaking, sobbing loudly, a wrecked phone beside her feet, as she hold her face in her shaking hands. Y/n's shoulder is shaking violently, and Scarlett took no hesitation on walking towards her, slowly.
"Y/n..." The younger woman's head whipped at the sound of her name, quickly scrambling around to stand up and fix herself.
"Ms. Johansson-, what are you doing here?" Y/n asked avoiding the CEO's gaze.
Y/n looks so broken, even her voice didn't sounded the same, it sounded so timid that it sounded like in any minute, she'll be bursting in tears. Her chest heaved up and down, almost chaotically, making Scarlett more worried.
She's shaking, her shoulders are violently shaking. She's still in her black dress, a dress that made Scarlett completely mesmerized, and became more simp for the younger woman. Even with her situation right now, Scarlett still finds her the most gorgeous woman that she had ever laid her eyes on.
She'll always gonna be the best girl for Scarlett.
"I was looking for you at the party, your friends told me you might've came home already...." Scarlett started off softly as she scanned the girl. "The door is opened, and I let myself in already, I hope you don't mind." Her heart broke at how Y/n looks so defeated.
"Oh- uh no... I don't mind." Y/n's voice is wavering. "W-what- what uhm-... What do you need, Ms. Johansson?" Y/n asked, still avoiding Scarlett's eyes, as she gaze at her broken cheap phone beside her feet.
Instead of answering, Scarlett decided to walk towards her, her feet softly padding on the old floor as she walk towards Y/n who became tensed at the sudden action, but nevertheless, Scarlett continued until she's just a few inches away from Y/n.
"Are you okay?" Scarlett started off softly, before bringing her head up to Y/n's cheeks, wiping some tears off softly. "What happened? Why are you crying, sweetheart?" As much as it warmed Y/n's heart, she gently pulled her face away from Scarlett's hands, making it fall down slowly.
"I-it's nothing-"Y/n was cut off by her own sob, as she uncontrollably broke down once again, her hands quickly going to her face.
"Hey, hey..." Scarlett brought the younger woman in a big hug, almost covering Y/n's whole body with her tall and masculine one.
Y/n's body rocked in sobs as Scarlett hold he tightly, the older woman's hand going up and down on Y/n's back comfortingly.
"Can you tell me what happened? It's okay if you don't want to, but i'm here okay? You can talk to me of whatever. None of that already, please?" Scarlett's voice wavered at the end, her heart breaking at the sight of Y/n and the sound of her loud broken sobs.
"N-no, y-you can g-go, Scarlett. I'll just do w-whatever you want with me t-tommorow..." Y/n tried to get away from Scarlett's grip, pushing her chest away slightly motioning that she wants to get away, but Scarlett only tightened her grip on the younger woman.
"Y/n." Scarlett said softly but sternly, demandingly rather, as if she doesn't want Y/n to do the actions again.
Y/n stopped, before a pit of sobs broke out of her once again, letting her body fall on to Scarlett chest, the comfort of the older woman is spreading her body like a wildfire, making her ask for more.
"Shhhh, it's gonna be okay, my darling. Whatever it is, it's gonna be okay. I'm gonna be with you, I promise, I'll be by your side, yeah?" Scarlett pulled away slightly to have a good look on Y/n, one of her hand is still on Y/n's waist.
"M-mom..." Y/n started, looking down. "My Mom's g-gone, Scarlett... I-i'm all alone now..." Once again, she cried, sobbing loudly before leaning in towards Scarlett.
Scarlett felt her skin became cold, her heart hammered in the inside of her chest.
It can't be. She already gave Y/n's mother the best doctors, and everyday making sure that everything is going well, all that with and without Y/n's knowledge.
Y/n knows that Scarlett is partially helping through her mother's therapy and all, but she didn't know that Scarlett is also the one who's paying for the expenses on the expensive hospital where her mother was in.
Scarlett even met Y/n's mother already, asking for her mother's blessing on having Y/n as her girlfriend, which Y/n's mother already gave Scarlett freely. Being the charming woman she is, she always visited Y/n's mother until she got what she wanted, showing her good intentions and all.
All that without Y/n's knowledge, but that enough for Scarlett to be calm knowing that no one can have her girl, except her and her only.
But now, Y/n's mother is gone, it saddened her, broke her heart even, she became utterly close with the woman, treating her like her own mother, while the woman treated her like she's her own daughter.
A part of her is somehow, relieved, thinking that Y/n's mother is already at peace, and knowing that she already promised to Y/n's mother that she'll protect her daughter for forever and eternity.
And she will.
She will never let Y/n feel that she's alone, she's here.
"I'm here." Scarlett said with much determination.
"I will always gonna be here, no matter how much you pushed me away, or whatever. And if you'll let me, I will give you the love I have been meaning to give you all along." Scarlett said softly, and hearing Y/n's sobs quite down she became nervous, as Y/n slowly look up at Scarlett with mixed emotions in her eyes.
Y/n doesn't know if she wants to believe what she's hearing or not, Scarlett had already shown her every thing for her to confirm that the older woman has a feelings for her, she fell for it, and now, hearing Scarlett saying this, it somehow brought the chaotic thoughts calm down about Scarlett in her mind.
And as they look at each other in each passing seconds, both of their hearts grew, and from that moment, Scarlett knew that everything she had been waiting for, the 'forever' she's been looking for, for so long, has now been found.
Her forever is now found.
And she doesn't have any intention of letting it slipped out of her hand, not for forever.
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scuttle-buttle · 3 years
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What's One More?
WC: 3204
Rated: M
Tags: brief mentions of crime/mental illness/child abuse and neglect/substance addiction/theft, fluff, family dynamics, mentions of aging, mentions of difficult pregnancy, softness, anxiety attack
🧠
The harsh vibrating of a phone on the nightstand breaks your slumber. Still half asleep you toss your arm back to thump against your sleeping husband's side. With a groan he answers. You try to settle back into your pillow and the warmth of the blanket. Whoever has the balls to call at this hour has another thing coming - but later because your priority is going back to sleep.
He can't have been on the call more than fifteen seconds before he sits up in bed suddenly, turning on the bedside lamp; his movements grab your attention. You roll over. The light blinds you and you rub at your eyes to adjust. You can't make out what's being said. Looking at the clock to see that it's barely 4 am you know something bad has happened. Quietly you slip out from the covers.
Making your way down the hall you peek into your daughter's room, grateful that she's still fast asleep. Her soft snores punctuate the calm. Your nerves abate knowing she’s safe. By the time you get back to the bedroom Laszlo is up and getting dressed. "What's going on?"
He doesn't answer at first. You wait until he's finished buttoning his shirt to ask again. "Sara was called to consult on a triple homicide case - she's asked for me to come down to the police station. I don't know much yet, but it's something involving a young boy and she wants me to speak with him."
“Did he…?”
“No. He was not directly involved, that much we know.”
You nod, leaning against the door frame. This wasn't the first time that Laszlo had been called in by law enforcement and social services to assist with children and teens that needed psychological help. He had become more active around the time you graduated with your doctorate. After Sophia was born Laszlo helped fund an after school program for kids that focused on support for mental health and behavioral issues. He was so passionate about being able to help these kids. But it was never at this ungodly hour. "You'll call or something when you know what's up?" you ask through a yawn.
"Of course, Bärchen." He gives you a chaste peck. Gently he guides you back towards your bed and sits you down. "Go back to sleep, there's no need to worry. I love you." With that he left.
Your sleep is fitful with him gone. You worry over things that you aren't even aware of, over who is hurt, over how severe a situation it could be to have been called in the middle of the night, over the poor boy that needs Laszlo’s help. When your daughter tiptoes into the room around 6 you welcome her into the bed with open arms.
"Why are you up, baby bug?"
"Where's Papa?" She climbs up on his side of the bed and rubs his cold pillow. On her face is a deep frown.
"He had to go help some very important people early this morning. He'll be back to see you soon, I promise."
"I miss him. He always helps me with my shoes."
You can't help the smile that crosses your face. "I know, baby. But it's still early so let's take a nap before we have to get ready, hmm?" The two of you snuggle under the covers. With her curled into your side you do find rest, even for the short time before your alarm chimes.
The day moves sluggish as you wait for word from your husband. Little work was to be done today at the museum, so there wasn't much to keep your mind off the wondering. You considered calling. You considered texting. But you knew that when the time was right he would let you know. No news is good news, you think.
Finally the day came to a close. You picked up Sophia and stopped by the store on the way home to grab supplies for dinner. She insisted that she carry one of the bags inside - little miss independent that she was. “Careful not to drop it, okay? Use those muscles of yours to hold the bag tight.”
“Mama I know, I help Papa carry all the time,” she explains matter-of-factly.
The townhouse is quiet as you begin to unpack. You do a quick glance into the dining room and parlor to no avail. "Laz, honey? You home?" A few seconds later you hear movement from the stairs.
Your husband rounds the corner into the kitchen, swooping down to scoop your daughter into his left arm, peppering her face in exaggerated smooches. Her giggles light up the room from the dim atmosphere. He perches her on his hip. “How was your day my little dove?”
“So good Papa - I practiced my counting today at school. I can get the biggest in the class! Mommy said I must be the most smartest," she prattles on.
“Wunderbar!” he praises her before turning to you. “I didn't hear you come in." Laszlo kisses you.
Pinning him with a look you say "you also didn't call me today? You said you would and I've been worried all day."
Sophia crosses her arms and harrumphs from her father's hip; "me too Papa." He quirks an eyebrow at her before speaking.
"Yes… there is something I wished to speak with you on but didn't think it was suitable for the phone." You raise your own brows but continue to put away groceries. "I do not wish to discuss certain aspects of the case in present company-" he nods towards Sophia minutely "-but we do have a houseguest for the foreseeable future."
"Oh?" Your brows dip in confusion. This is not what you were expecting.
Laszlo peeks around the doorway and calls out "Stevie, would you come join us in the kitchen please."
Stevie? You don't know a Stevie...
A moment later a lanky boy with scruffy dark blond hair shuffles into the room. He can't be anymore than 15. His clothes are too big on him and his shoes are worn beyond belief; nevertheless he gives you a slight smile. “This is Stevie Taggert, he’s going to be staying here with us in the guest room for now.”
“Good evening Mrs. Kreizler,” the boy says nervously, his voice cracking.
You spare a look at your husband before turning to the teenager with a smile. “Ah, no need for that, kid. You can just call me by my name instead. And welcome to our home. You like spaghetti?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Awesome! And I’m certainly not old enough to be a ma’am,” you give him a wink. You set up a pot to boil the water for the pasta. Laszlo excused himself to spend some time with Sophia, leaving you and Stevie in the kitchen.
He clears his throat behind you. “Would um… is there anything I can do to help?”
"I would love that, thank you."
The two of you get to work on making dinner. Stevie doesn’t say too much, but he is very polite and does his best to be useful. Once the food is nearly finished your family has returned ready to eat. You send Stevie and Sophia to set the table.
“Should I be worried?” you ask Laszlo quietly, watching the doorway the two left through.
“I don’t think so. I just felt that I would rather he have a familiar face to adjust with instead of being placed in a group home like many end up.”
You study his face. “You’ve taken a liking to him haven’t you?”
“Well…" his face reddens at your question. "He reminds me a bit of myself when I was his age.” The conversation is cut short by the kids returning.
The rest of dinner and the evening goes smoothly. You make it a point to not bring up any questions that could trigger the teenager, especially before you’ve spoken with Laszlo about the situation at hand. When Stevie nearly eats his weight in pasta you say nothing, wondering how long it's been since he's had a good home cooked meal. He insists on helping clean up the dishes afterwards. Without even knowing what the boy has gone through your heart aches for him.
You set him up in the small renovated basement downstairs while Laszlo puts Sophia to bed. Handing him one of your husband’s old Harvard t-shirts to sleep in you tell him “I’m sorry you’ll be down here by yourself, but if you need us for anything don’t be afraid to come get us - no matter what time it is, okay? And if you get cold there’s an extra blanket right here for you. I know it's July but….” you shrug. “Tomorrow after I get home from work we can go to the store and get you some stuff to use, some more clothes, that kinda thing.”
“Yes ma’am.” At the teasing look you give him his ears burn red with his mumbled “right sorry.”
“Alright Stevie. We’ll see you in the morning, sleep well.”
Laszlo is in bed reading when you enter the room. Nothing is said as you ready yourself for bed. Slipping under the covers you face him. He sighs and closes his book.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call. I became caught up in the day and only arrived home with Stevie maybe half an hour before you did.” He sighs a second time. “Most of the case I cannot talk about, but what I can say is he was living with his mentally ill father, whom was also an addict. He missed the last few weeks of the school year and has been regularly stealing food to get by. He has no other family. I just… it didn’t feel right to let him process his experiences away from someone properly trained to deal with these sorts of things, in addition to how traumatic entering foster care at his age can be. I spoke with those in social services and was granted temporary custody until we find another more permanent solution.”
“Of course.”
He takes hold of your hand. “You aren’t upset with me?”
“I mean it would’ve been nice to have a bit more warning… but I get it. He can stay as long as he needs to. He’s a sweet kid,” you reassure him. “I told him that I would take him shopping after work tomorrow, so if you could pick up Soph from preschool that would be great.”
“Perhaps instead we can all go? I was thinking that I would bring him to the university with me so that he’s not alone all day. You could get her and then we could meet somewhere, get dinner afterwards?”
You lean closer to him to curl around his arm and rest your head on his shoulder. He always thought so much about others, especially children. Laszlo had such a heart of gold and it honestly left you in awe of just how much he was willing to give so that others could find peace and happiness. Like the older he got the more he had to give. The thought warms you. “How are you literally the best person I know? And to think you used to be so worried about being able to be a good father and now you’re the best of all of us.” He huffs a little as you nuzzle into his chest.
“I have you to thank for that, Bärchen.” He drops a kiss to your head. “But it’s getting late and I’ve been up all day. We should get some sleep.”
Soon after you're both dreaming.
___
Stevie had been with you for three weeks. It only took him a few days to start to settle in, and you discovered that he was quick with his wit and far smarter than he let on. He was a little bit of a sarcastic smart-ass at times, but all in good nature. He was endlessly entertaining. Laszlo sat down with him almost everyday to talk about what he was feeling, the things he experienced, and ways to deal with the loss of his family. Already you both saw improvement.
Even Sophia got on well with him. Most teenage boys wanted nothing to do with little kids, let alone a 4 year old that loved playing 'spaceship barbie'. But not Stevie. On his fifth day you'd found him sat on the floor playing with her and going along with her childlike imagination. When she insisted he play the barbie that needed saving he went along with it, high pitched voice and everything. He even encouraged her to pick up her toys before bed - a feat you and your husband struggled with at times. It struck you how much Stevie became a big brother of sorts to her.
Laszlo grew even more fond of the boy. He wasn't really one for TV, but every evening he sat and watched some show on Netflix about racing with the teen and didn't complain once. Laszlo had tried to explain the role of adrenaline in racing drivers as a psychological function, but Stevie just brushed it off and said it was the driving so fast that made it "cool".
The two did bond over an unlikely subject - punk rock. When you got home from work two weeks into his stay and heard the music blasting in the parlor you worried someone had broken in. Whipping into the room you saw Laszlo in his chair tapping his foot to the intense guitar and singing; Stevie nodded along to the music as he held an old album cover. It didn't take long for Sophia to start jumping along to the music too.
"What is this?" You yelled out over the bass - you couldn't recognize it and it clearly wasn't English.
"Die Toten Hosen, a band I listened to growing up in Germany. Stevie found the record and asked to listen."
"Listen? I think you mean blow out your eardrums!" Even with needing to shout to be heard you had to laugh at the situation. How your husband had a secret love for German punk you'll never know; yet you would never let him live it down.
And when Stevie came and woke you both up in tears three nights ago you made him hot chocolate while Laszlo sat down with him. He confessed that he had never been treated or cared for like he was in your home. How he wished he could stay because he felt wanted. Your heart broke for the boy. To be so young and so lost, craving someone to simply be there for him.
Yet everyday he grew more open. He broke out of his shell. He had goals and ambitions; he wanted to amount to something bigger than he had thought he ever could. It almost shocked you at how much fire was within him.
At how much he fit in with your little family.
At how it was like he was meant to be there.
___
Laszlo was oddly quiet when you got home. Sophia had run off to find Stevie, and you tracked your husband down to his office. He listened as you talked about your day for a good ten minutes; he said almost nothing the whole conversation.
You move closer to him. Placing the back of your hand to his forehead you check to see if he's feverish or sick. He didn't feel warm. "Laz, are you feeling okay?"
He gently pulls your hand down and leaves a kiss on your palm. "The department of social services called this morning to inquire about what we want to do with Stevie. This would be the third time they have asked."
He hadn't mentioned it to you at all that they were calling already. "Okay. What do you think we should do?" You pause for him to continue.
"I told them I would need to speak with you before any further decisions were made regarding him…" His fingers tap against the wood of his desk. "I'm not sure I have an answer for them. Nor for you." He swallows. "I'm afraid of what might become of him should he go into the system. Or that he will not get the support he needs given his past. Any option involving allowing him to stay for a bit longer is a commitment I won't make without your full support, of course. I could never ask that of you." As he speaks you can hear the frustration pouring from him, feel the irritation radiating through the room. "I refuse to give up on him- I- I just don't have the answers on what to do without them hounding me and he deserves better than this, dammit."
"He does… Do you remember on your 50th birthday, what you told me?" Laszlo looks up at you confused. "You said that you had wished you were ten years younger so you had the energy and time to do all of it again. That if you were younger we would've had a whole gaggle of kids - brothers and sisters for Sophia."
"Wishing I was younger doesn't make a difference in helping Stevie-"
"Laszlo - let's adopt him." Your words stop him in his tracks. You had decided not to have any more after your daughter was born. Laszlo was nearing 50 and the pregnancy had been hard on you. But regardless you knew that you both had the means and the love to give another child, probably five or ten more children if you really wanted to. So why not start with one that's already wormed his way in to the family? "I've seen how fond you are of him already. You've taken him under your wing as if he was your own. And how good he is with Sophia? Hell I couldn't ask for a better older sibling for her - and she loves him already. And honestly, Laz, I do too."
"You think we should adopt Stevie?"
"I think we should ask, yeah. He deserves a good home and a strong father figure that's going to put him first. He looks at you like you hung the stars, Laszlo. He needs us, and truthfully I think we need him. So yeah - what's one more added to this little shindig we've got going for us?"
"Have you-"
"-thought it through? Yes. Completely."
You can see the smile he fights to hold back. "We should call tomorrow and see what the protocol is for stating our intent to adopt and getting the paperwork."
"Um…" You shuffle your feet. Nose scrunched, you confess "I may have already called them. On the way from work I asked about what would need to be done if we wanted to pursue that route, but since they already know who we are from you working with them for years it can be fast tracked." You pull him out of his chair to stand before you. "All we have to do is say 'go'."
He has no hesitation.
"Go."
Laszlo doesn't hold back his smile or his laughter as he spins you around his office floor. You're certain your children downstairs can hear your giggles.
Tag list
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a-slut-for-smut · 3 years
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GUYS I DID IT I DID IT I MADE A SMUT!!!!
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*whispers* but...its for gojohime XD
Oh lawd some horny ass demon has possessed me because these 2 idiots be living rent free in my slutty head 24/7, the brainrot got so bad it somehow manifested into a (my very first fic actually) fluffy smut fic!
Anyway, my brainrot has convinced me that Gojo is so madly in love with her it makes him stupid, Utahime loves him too but doesnt know it...yet. She's just so over his shit. As for Gojo...well he can be unhinged/super cocky at times but i never saw him as mean or cruel, maybe emotionally stunted like a big baby crying for any attention he can get lol
Here's a preview so you can turn back now of whats in store:
----
"Is this what you want?" She asks darkly, as she grips him with more pressure.
Gojo whimpers, looking up at her in shock, disbelief and surprisingly, awe. "...yes", he barely manages to breathe out.
----
As she sprung his cock free from his pants, she let out a low, appreciative whistle.
“Well well well...looks like we got ourselves a chonky boi here.”
Gojo felt his chest swell with pride- he couldn’t stop himself from beaming.
----
Poor little kouhai had finally bitten off more than he could chew, she thought. She’d give him something to chew on for years to come.
----
Also in dedication to the 5 Song Lovers nickname (derived from GoUta) I've decided this will be 5 chapters, with each chapter title named after a beloved song that embodies them, their relationship and the overall chapter theme. Just know I have eclectic music tastes! The first song is "I Got You Under My Skin" cover by South Korean singer Jihae, featured in the show Altered Carbon (which unfortunately only exists in the show as producers decided not to release it- i will die be mad about this)- its exactly how I imagine Utahime singing it, its a stupidly sexy rendition:
youtube
So if you like what you see, than buckle up bitch it's gonna be a wild ride hehehe. I'd suggest reading on Ao3 HERE as i give more fun background about the fic, but here it is too:
Call Me By My Name: The Taming of the Insufferable Manwhore Sorcerer
Summary: Utahime hits her breaking point with the insufferable sorcerer- copious amounts of hilarity, pining fluffiness and bean-flickin good smut ensues :D
Rating: E (duh)
Utahime was having a shitty day.  The cafe she normally frequents for takeout coffee served her the nastiest burnt-tasting coffee, which she proceeded to spew and get all over her white miko outfit.  She really needed that coffee too- she had passed out after showering last night, exhausted, only to wake up with bedhead that refused to be tamed.  And why was she exhausted, exactly?
Because she spent the past 3 weeks preparing for her meeting with the elders about a promotion -a meeting set months in advance- which they decided to oh so considerately cancel the morning of with no reason, postponing it without a predetermined date.  She just wanted the day to be over so she could escape in front of the TV with the 3 bottles of fancy red wine she had splurged on in the hopes of a celebration.  The last thing she needed was a chance encounter with the walking, talking giant hemorrhoid that was Gojo Satoru.
“UTAHIMEEEEEE” the familiar yet disrespectful greeting pierced through the school courtyard, grating her nerves and making the vein on her temple throb.  She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, deciding to ignore it and kept walking, the last classes had just been dismissed with the students quick to flee the premises to embrace the weekend. She marched on, needing to grab her bag in her desk to escape, only to collide with a solid form that made her stumble back.
Gojo apparently lowered his Infinity and teleported right in front of her, grinning his Cheshire grin.
“Utahime!! Where are you going with so much purpose, hmm?”
She grit her teeth, she was in no mood to play his games.  “Home” she said simply as she breezed by him.  Gojo turned and followed, undeterred by her lack of reaction and decided to dial it up because if there's one thing Gojo would not abide by is that he would not be ignored, especially by her.
"Hey Utahime! Why are you so weak?” Gojo inquired annoyingly, “is it because you're so small and short? Why do you refuse to acknowledge my greatness in everything? Huh?huh?huh?huh?"
Utahime whirls around to face him, fuming. "GOJO, ENOUGH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??? WHY DO YOU KEEP HARASSING ME LIKE THIS?? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME???"
Gojo grinned, victory splayed all over his face. “Oh, the Elders called for some meeting with me, probably over something stupid, honestly its such a waste of my time I’ll probably just ghost them and keep them waiting, haha!  Then I saw you and thought oh, Utahime would be a better use of my time!  You’re so much more fun.”
“And...” he leaned down slightly, as if speaking to a child “...as to what I want, it should be obvious!” gleefully cheesing so hard she could tell his eyes were closed despite the blindfold.
Her mind was running a mile a minute, digesting his words- the Elders probably had canceled her meeting with them to make way for Gojo of all people, and he wasn’t going to bother showing up! Fate was playing some sort of cruel joke and she wasn't laughing.  The higher ups wouldn't give her the time of day, passing her over and over despite all her efforts and hard-earned accomplishments, while this IDIOT undeservedly has them all at his beck and call and will ghost them on a whim???  This was it, she decided.  This was the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
She narrows her eyes at him, and with the speed of a viper strike seizes Gojo's man bits in her left fist and twists, hard.  Gojo lets out a shocked pained gasp and doubles over, just below eye level with her.
"Is this what you want?" She asks darkly, as she grips him with more pressure.
Gojo whimpers, looking up at her in shock, disbelief and surprisingly, awe. "...yes", he barely manages to breathe out.
His admission does something to her, something she's never felt with him before- the thrill of absolute power, of domination.  A smirk tugs at her lips as she lifts her right hand to slide his blindfold down, gently caressing his face while doing so. She feels him grow and pulse in her left hand, and she clenches him in her fist even harder, eliciting an embarrassing hiss-moan from him.
"Yes...what, Gojo-kun ?" she prompts sweetly, feeling empowered as she slowly runs her grip from the base of his balls, dragging her fingertips along the underside of his shaft.
Gojo's eyes flutter as he sighs out: "Yes, please.... senpai ."
Utahime releases him slowly, pinching the head of his cock as she lets go, making him suck in his breath once more.
“Well, only good little kouhai's can get what they want.  Are you going to be a good little kouhai?”
Gojo stares at her dumbly for a moment before nodding vigorously.
“Good. Then follow me.” She turns without looking back, continuing her original path at an unhurried pace.
Gojo follows her obediently without a word.  His mind is reeling, this is unmarked territory for him- after all these years he can’t believe this is actually happening.  He hasn’t the faintest idea why this of all things was her breaking point, or what to expect (but he could certainly hope and imagine) and he wasn’t ashamed to admit he wanted to see it through.
They walked in silence, the school was quiet, without a soul in sight.  The halls are flooded with a gentle amber light of a waning afternoon, the air a bit humid but not unpleasantly so.  As he traces the hallways with his eyes he fidgets inwardly, trying to recall if he remembered to put on deodorant today, hoping he doesn't smell, that despite it not being that hot he felt he was sweating, no, burning .
His worrying thoughts halted when they approached her classroom door.  Here be dragons he said to himself as she unlocked the door.  Upon entering, she moved to the side of the doorway and gestured to come in.  He stepped in, standing at attention, while she slowly slid the door closed and locked it.  She turned to him, unashamedly appraising him from bottom to top with lidded eyes.
“Take a seat.” she commanded. He hesitated for a moment, before moving towards one of the student desks.  “No. Not that one”. That one” she gestured with a nod towards her desk.  He hesitated again, before walking and settling himself in her office chair.  And waited.  Like a good little kouhai.
Utahime grinned inwardly, relishing Gojo’s obvious nervousness.  Oh, I am going to have fun with this, she said to herself wickedly.  Recompense for her canceled meeting, for all those years of endless teasing and harassment, this was fair play in her eyes.
She strode to him at a languid pace, Gojo watching every step.  He looked up at her uncertainly when she stopped directly in front of him, hinging at the waist so she was eye level with him.  She held his gaze for a couple beats when both of her hands suddenly grasped his knees and jerked his legs wide open, making him gasp in surprise.
“We’re going to play a little game, Gojo-kun.”  She says, lowly.  “But first, you need to agree to the rules.  If you break any said rules, the game is over. Never to be played again. Do you understand?”
Gojo gulped audibly, nodding slowly.
“Good kouhai.  Rule 1. No touching unless I explicitly say so. No hands, mouth, nothing. I will touch you and you will take it like a good kouhai, understand? Absolutely no Infinity allowed.  Rule 2. No talking. You so much as flap your stupid dick lips even once and this is all over. Rule 3. No peeking.”
“This...” she drags her hold from his knees up, traveling up his thighs, along his hips to his chest -Gojo holding his breath the entire time- to gripping his neck while lightly squeezing.  She felt him swallow thickly before releasing her hold to gather his blindfold sitting at the base of his throat.  She pulled it up over his eyes and tied it tight behind his head.  “...stays on.  Your eyes stay closed, and don't even THINK about using Six Eyes because I will know and this game ends for good.  Do you understand and agree to follow the rules?”
“Yes senp-” Gojo is cut short, gasping when Utahime suddenly strikes him across the face, hard.
“Did you already forget Rule 2, idiot kouhai?? Do you not want to play this game because we can stop this now.” Her tone is harsh, threatening.
He was dazed for a split second before shaking his head.  “Good.  Now do you agree to follow the rules I've just laid out?”  Gojo nods his head once, all eyes shut tight.
“That’s a good kouhai.”  She moves away from him, he already misses the warmth of her.  Embracing the darkness, he listens intently- the shuffling of clothing, the opening of a desk drawer, the familiar rustling and tearing of a condom wrapper (the question as to why she kept condoms in her desk drawer he would need to ponder later).
He hears her approach, she grabs both his wrists and kneels behind him, binding them together with a single zip tie.  Zip ties too??, he questions inwardly but the thought fades immediately when she draws in close, positioning herself in the space between his legs.
“Are you ready to play, Gojo-kun?” He was nodding eagerly before he realized what he was doing.
When he felt her hands on his belt buckle, he immediately widened his stance and arched his back to give her better access, aching for her touch.  He held his breath as her fingers unbuttoned his pants and undid the zipper, torturously slow.  He knew she was teasing him, he supposed he deserved it and there was no denying he was entirely (and willingly) at her mercy.  But when she reached into his pants and wrapped her fingers around his aching cock he had to bite back a moan, she had gotten him so worked up he struggled not to embarrass himself.
As she sprung his cock free from his pants, she let out a low, appreciative whistle.
“Well well well...looks like we got ourselves a chonky boi here.”
Gojo felt his chest swell with pride- he couldn’t stop himself from beaming.
She wasn’t kidding either.  In her hand was the fattest, girthiest dummy thicc cock she’d ever laid eyes on, even including all the kinky porn she indulged in- which was saying a lot . The girth was one thing, but the heft, the weight of the thing…it bewildered her as to how he managed to even walk around comfortably with this monster dong between his legs. Length-wise was nothing to sneeze at either, but above all else she wondered just how the hell she was gonna get that thing to fit.
Her inner musings continued as she stroked him softly, rolling the condom down (it was a tad snug, but that was his fault for having such a dummy thicc cock).  With the same hand she raised to his lips, with one simple command: “Spit.” Gojo obeyed, despite how dry his mouth was he frantically worked his tongue to gather as much saliva as possible.
She returned her hand to his cock, stroking and coating him, getting him nice and slick while he murmured softly in pleasure.  “Lean back.” she ordered, stepping over his knees in a straddle position.  Gojo leaned back into the chair as far as it allowed, his bound hands gripping the chair seat with bruising strength as he felt her heat on the tip of his cock.
“Buckle up kouhai, you're in for a wild ride” she whispered hotly in his ear, tingles running down his spine, as she slowly lowered herself onto his cock.
FUCK. He was so fucking thick fuck fuck fuck her mind was frantic, there was already good deal of resistance when he first breached her, but the continuing stretch was making her lose her fucking mind.  She willed her way through it at a tortuous pace, sinking her nails into his shoulders while taking him cm by cm, mapping every vein and ridge of his cock until finally fusing their hip bones together.
A protracted moan of relief escaped his throat as she settled in his lap, fuck she was so tight, so warm, so wet, the sensations were so overwhelming, every fiber of his being screamed to slam himself up into her, grip her waist so hard it would leave bruises, ravage that sassy little mouth of hers with his tongue- it was a miracle he was able to restrain himself at all.  He bit his lip, breathing heavily through his nose in an attempt to strengthen his resolve, his self control.
She examined his face, his furrowed brow in severe concentration, almost in an anguished expression.
It delighted her.
She found herself even more aroused, growing wetter. Poor little kouhai had finally bitten off more than he could chew, she thought. She’d give him something to chew on for years to come.
With her feet firmly planted on the floor, she slowly lifted her hips up until only the very tip of his cock was in, and swiftly slammed herself down on him, eliciting a choking gasp from him.  She smirked villainously as she repeated the motion again, again and again, broken sighs and whines tumbling from his lips.
“Look at how good my little kouhai is, taking a pussy pounding so well” she purred into his neck as she started to increase her tempo, rolling her hips so that the head of his cock dragged the entire length of her frontal walls so deliciously she struggled to stifle her own moans.
Gojo was an utter mess, his head was spinning from the pleasure of it all- the way she pistoned her hips up and down his cock, the way she gripped him like a vice with her cunt and her fingers, how hot and wet her breath felt on his skin, the aborted noises she made as she struggled to subdue her own moans- he was hopelessly lost. With her. Within her.
He could feel the heat coiling in his groin, the need to burst within her was too much, he couldn’t hold on much longer.  He bit his lip harder as she continued riding him mercilessly, in a desperate attempt to keep his orgasm at bay but it was too late. The dams burst free; completely ambushed by the searing white hot waves of pleasure crashing and coursing through his body so violently he let out a series of short, almost pained gasps as his orgasm ripped through him.
Utahime slowed her pace so she could enjoy the show- Gojo coming undone, utterly ruined, struggling to catch his breath. She’d never admit it to anyone but it was the hottest, most erotic display she had ever witnessed.  She regretted keeping the blindfold on, she would have loved to see his eyes as he came and the intensity behind them, she jokingly wondered if they gleamed or lit up.
As she felt him softening within her she suddenly pulled herself up, his cock flopping unceremoniously on his thigh as she reached for her hakama. The sudden loss of her warmth made him panic, he was stuttering before he remembered the rule “Sorry, I don’t normally…I’m usually…just give me a few mins…”
A finger brushed his lips, hushing him.  “You were a good little kouhai…” she whispered sensually in his ear,  “…but I win.” With that she picked up her bag and walked out the classroom, slamming the door closed.
Gojo sat there dumbfounded, hands still tied, blindfolded, with his dick hanging out of his pants, still processing what the hell just happened.
**The next morning**
Utahime wakes up the next morning to warm sunbeams caressing her eyes and face.  She turns to her clock, only to see the numbers 8:30 AM stare back at her. Stupid sun, she mumbles to herself before throwing the covers over her head, determined to sleep off her hangover after downing 2 bottles of red wine by herself last night.
The sun, however, had other plans.  Her bedroom quickly began to warm up, the sun relentless as if to say suck it bitch, get your lazy ass up.  With the windows closed it was stifling, her face under the covers not helping, she gritted her teeth before letting out an exasperated groan, must everything in her life be so infuriating??? Fuck my life.
She threw off the covers, glaring at the sun jeering through her window, before stumbling to her bathroom to take a hot shower. She was feeling particularly sore for some reason.
When she returned to her bedroom, she checked her phone only to see that the battery died at some point last night.  She recalled tossing it into her bedroom as she frantically uncorked the first wine bottle, taking a large swig before plopping herself on the sofa and switching on the baseball game.  She had finished the 2nd bottle around the 8th inning, and seeing how her home team had a significant lead she called it quits and promptly passed out on her bed without bothering to change out of her work clothes.  Whatever, it was a rough day.
She plugged her phone in the charger and turned it on, only to receive an onslaught of notification chimes.  Almost every one of them came from the same contact: “idiot kouhai”
Oh, that’s right.  She had fucked Gojo Satoru yesterday.
She threw her head back cackling as the notification chimes continued, no wonder she was extra sore this morning!  Man, that wine really did a number on me.   The 67 new notifications alert made her giddy, she imagined Gojo running around in a panic like a chicken with its head cut off, much to her amusement.
She didn’t read through all of them- they varied from simple greetings “hey senpai” and “senpai pls respond” while gradually increasing in desperation “Hello??? Senpai are you alive???” and “SENPAI SO MEAN, IGNORING ME ALL NIGHT!!!”  A bunch were missed calls, then finally the last being a voicemail.
She bit her lip at the voicemail alert, hesitating, unsure what to expect, whether she actually wanted to hear what he had to say.  If she left it alone or deleted it, and just leave things unspoken and maybe that was for the best.
Utahime deliberated for a few more seconds before deciding fuck it , and tapped the speakerphone icon.
“Hey Uta-...ermm Senpai! Ive been trying to reach you...uh...i just want to make sure...that...um...you got home ok!  Ummm...yeah...call me back when you get this- or, text me, you know….whatever you prefer.  Just...yeah. Um...talk to you later. oh! And sorry about your door. Ok. bye!
Utahime tapped her phone against her forehead, chuckling to herself.  Gojo was unintentionally adorable when he was unsure of himself, which was a rarity in itself.   As adorable as it was, she decided it was probably best not to call him back until after the weekend, to let things breathe and air out.  She’d figure out what he meant by the door later.
She saw a message from Mei Mei and Shoko each, apparently Gojo had harassed them to text her to see if she was alive, with Shoko also asking when Utahime expects to arrive at her apartment tonight.  Hmm, guess it was a blessing that asshole sun pulled her out of bed when it did, otherwise she might have run late for her train to Tokyo for their girls night out.
On her way out the door, her phone rings and she immediately picks up.
“Hey Shoko, dont worry im on my way-”
“Hey...its me”, a voice interjected that was decidedly not Shoko.
Gojo. Well, guess she’ll have to speak with him earlier than planned. 
“Oh, it's you.  What do you want?”  She asked, as blase as possible.
“I...uh, tried to call you yesterday.  I wanted to make sure everything...I mean you, were ok.”
“Yeah my phone died.  I'm good.  Anyway I'm running late and gotta get going-”
“So where are you going? You’re meeting Shoko? Can I come???” He asked in his best silly singsong voice he could muster in a lame attempt to hide his trepidation.
“Nope.” She replied curtly. “Girls night out.  Vaginas only.”
“Senpai so mean!” He cried. “That’s very exclusionist, you know.  Did you ever consider that I might identify as a woman, hmm? Does that count?”
She huffed. “Gojo, you’re not fooling anyone the way you flex your dick all around town.”
She heard a choking noise like he was taken aback, but Utahime didn’t give him a chance to respond, the conversation was over- “Anyway, I've got to go, have a good weekend byeeeeeee” and promptly hung up.
Gojo sat on his sofa, staring at his phone.  There was a bite to her words that he chose to push aside to mull over later.  He was more interested in what her plans were.  Clearly she was meeting Shoko, and she said girls night out so that implied Mei Mei would be there.
He decided to do some social media sleuthing to see what he could find out.  Mei Mei was something of an influencer, constantly posting herself in stylish outfits, sharing posts of luxury goods etc.  Her latest post was a selfie, sporting thigh-high boots and showing off a mid-thigh high black dress with long sleeves that connected across her collarbone with gold brooch and an open panel that tastefully exposed her ample chest.  <Authors note: LOL omg...i can’t describe clothes for shit> The caption under read:
Can't wait for ladies night out tonight, come out to The Nightingale Lounge @10pm to toast my girl Uta xoxo
Gojo felt his eyebrows rise. Well, that was easy. Thank god for attention-seeking, validation hungry social media whores. Not sure what they were celebrating but it didn’t matter- Utahime was coming to Tokyo, and most likely would spend the night at least.  This would make it easy to infiltrate, and innocently bump into them in the Roppangi nightlife district.
He started scheming a plan of attack when his mind started to wander, particularly to the events of yesterday afternoon. He felt himself cringe as he recalled how fast he came, how she didn't finish, what she was thinking…
He groaned, lifting his forearm to cover his eyes. It was fucking embarrassing.  He was a teenager all over again.  He needed her to know that was a fluke, she had gotten him too excited, that he could absolutely deliver in bed. He needed to prove himself to her.  If Principal Gakuganji hadn’t gotten in the way, maybe he would have caught up to her…
**Yesterday afternoon**
Tick. Tick. Tick.
Gojo never realized just how obnoxiously loud the classroom clocks could be, the ticks seem to echo across the entire school.  He sat dumbstruck for a few beats, unsure what to do.  Was she coming back? If she was, would she be mad if he freed himself? Did she really leave? Should he go chase after her or would she get mad?
He decided to risk the latter and snapped the zip tie easily, ripping the condom off and tossing it aside, frantically stuffing his half hard cock back into his pants trying to ignore the obvious discomfort. He made a dash for the door when he heard footsteps approaching, stopped short and froze.
There was a knock before the door opened and Gojo could feel his face fall as he stared directly at Principal Gakuganji’s crusty old face.
“Gojo?? What are you doing here? Where were you this afternoon?? We waited nearly an hour you arrogant punk!”
Gojo blinked. He had forgotten all about that, but he felt no remorse- not when there were more pressing matters to see to.
“Sorry not sorry, I was busy” he replied as he made a move to push past him.  Gakuganji blocked his path, stern look on his face.  “We did the courtesy of calling a meeting, you should return that courtesy by attending.  What are you doing in Iori-sensei’s classroom? Is she still here? She wanted to speak with us.”
Gojo scoffed. “Whatever old man, I do what I want.  Utahime’s not here, I was…looking for her too.  I needed to bother her about something. Not your business anyway.”
Gakuganji narrowed his eyes. “You should learn to respect the wisdom of your elders, otherwise it may lead to your downfall one day” he said evenly, clearly irritated but stepped aside to let him go. Gakuganji meant it as a threat but knew the words had no bite to Gojo.
Gojo rolled his eyes so hard his retinas strained to keep them falling out of their sockets. He didn’t bother dignifying Gakuganji with a response, as he simply turned and walked off with his trademark giggle he knew pissed people off.
When he got outside, Utahime was nowhere to be seen.  When he checked for her cursed energy and found nothing, his shoulders fell. She really did leave. Fucking cockblocking old man he sighed, irritated, his cock crusty from the condom.
The condom. Gojo’s eyes widened.  He threw it haphazardly in her classroom somewhere…if Gakuganji or someone else saw it…oh god, what would they think? That he jacks off in her classroom when she’s not there? Or worse yet, Utahime fucking around with her students?
He made a mad sprint back, poking his head down the hallway to see if Gakuganji was still there.  The coast clear, he made his way to the door only to find it locked. FUCKING Gakuganji Gojo seethed, he was so frustrated he simply punched through the door without thinking and turned the lock.  His eyes scanned the room, thankfully it landed somewhere not in plain sight.
He spent the next 10 mins searching, getting more irritated by the second. Where the fuck was it?? he straightened up with a frustrated groan.  What a day. He looked out the window, dusk was settling in comfortably, almost mocking him as he realized it was taking him far too long to find this stupid condom.
As he frowned at the sky, his eyes fell on a white splotch on the glass.  His frown deepened.
He approached the splotch which was directly above the classroom fish tank, pausing mid step before throwing his head back and unleashing a loud, frustrated yell that lasted several seconds.
his
jizz
was
EVERYWHERE!!!!
Painted all over the window behind the fish tank, all over the fish tank, the plants surrounding the fish tank.  The condom was floating proudly on the surface of the water, laughing at him. Gojo had unintentionally Jackson Pollocked the fuck out of Utahime’s classroom, the signature of their tryst everywhere.
He hung his head, sighing deeply.  He couldn’t lie, he was almost proud of the sheer amount of cum he managed to produce, but he much preferred if it was painting the walls of her cunt than her classroom.
He set to work cleaning, he knew she would be furious if she found it but foremost he did not want her facing a scandal with the school administration.  He felt the need, no, compelled to protect her ever since that day…he shook his head.  He hated thinking about that day. Finding her. The sheer amount of blood. He'd much rather be cleaning his cum away than her blood.
He grimaced, focusing on his task which took him at least 20 mins, burning all the tissues he used from her desk with cursed energy.  Wiping his hands, his eyes fell on her desk drawer.  Curiosity got the best of him, hand fidgeting as it hovered over the handle, deliberating.
Suddenly, he remembered the reason why he had even sought her out in the first place.  He patted his chest, feeling for the small package in his coat. While he hoped she liked it, he was thankful he got it as it served a perfect excuse to snoop.
He slid the drawer open and quirked an eyebrow.  There was a package of zipties, as expected, and an opened box of condoms which appeared to be only half full, much to his chagrin.  But then his eyes fell on a tin box, for an expensive matcha tea brand.  He had gifted her such a box years ago when they were younger, and while it could have been any box he sincerely hoped it was his.
He opened it to see a small pile of his favorite candies.  A goofy grin bloomed across his face as he recalled the memories associated with them.  How she introduced the candies to him. How when one time he was being extra annoying to her, she reached into her pocket and threw a handful of said candies one way, yelling “LOOK GOJO, CANDY!!!” while running the opposite direction.  It didn’t work, but it certainly bought her a few seconds as he laughed at her ingenuity.
He plucked one out and popped it in his mouth, savoring the sweet flavor. As sweet as it was, he was sure Utahime tasted far sweeter.  With that, he placed the small package where she could easily find it.
As he stepped out of the classroom, he paused and turned to look at her office chair. He sincerely hoped, prayed that would not be their first time would not be the last, sheepishly glancing at the damaged door on his way out.
**Later that night**
Gojo arrived at The Nightingale Lounge around 10:25pm, if he knew the ladies as well as he thought he did, they definitely would be fashionably late.  As he waited he did some recon in the lobby, near the stairs leading down to the lounge, he wondered if they were meeting anyone else and scanned the crowds.
Normally he dressed to the nines when he went out; he always loved to make an impression and wasn’t shy about it.  But this time he didn’t want to draw attention to himself, so he opted for a simple loose fitted v neck black t-shirt and jeans, muting his silver mop with a wool beanie and his crystal blue eyes with his trademark sunglasses. He still wanted to look fuckable, but casually so, as if he was out but not on a date.  He still got quite a few stares from the ladies and several gents, but he ignored them.
He waited 20 mins but didn’t see them arrive.  He checked his phone, Mei Mei hadn’t updated since earlier which was odd, he felt the only time she wouldn’t was if she didn’t have cellular service.
Wait…the lounge was downstairs, underground basically…could they already be there? Annoyed with himself for not checking earlier, he made his way down, pushing the door open only to hear the most angelic, euphonious singing ever to reach his ears.  He stood in the doorway, stunned not only what he was hearing, but what he saw. <Author's note: Stop reading and listen to the song I mentioned if you haven't already!!!>
I've got you...
under my skin
I've got you...
deep in the heart of me
Utahime was on the stage, bathed in the brilliant light of the spotlight, swaying as she cradled the microphone on its stand, as if she were tenderly singing a lullaby to an infant.
She looked incredible, almost ethereal.  Dressed in a blue satin drape asymmetric strap midi dress with a cowl neckline <Authors note: i didn’t even try lol just google this exact phrase and try telling me Utahime wouldn't slay in that dress>, it did her every favor- showcasing her body while leaving plenty to the imagination.
Gojo’s eyes were drawn to her bare shoulders and collarbones, he never saw them as she always spotted her Miko outfit around him…he couldn’t help himself as he imagined his lips and tongue tracing all over them.  He was so weak for exposed shoulders and necklines, there was nothing more erotic.  But as much as he mentally salivated just how good she looked, her voice- her voice was on a whole other level.
So deep in my heart,
that you're really a part of me...
I've got you under my skin
He stood there, mesmerized.  It was as if she was singing directly to him, only to him.  Wave of calm washed over him as she continued, he felt every muscle in his body relax, untense.  It almost felt like he was dreaming, or in a trance.  He had never been more enthralled by anything in his life.
I'd tried so,
not to give in...
I said to myself,
this affair never will go so well...
But why should I try to resist,
when baby I know so well...
I've got you under my skin
He vaguely felt a tug on his right sleeve, he ignored it until a hand wrapped around his forearm. He snapped his head at the intrusion to see a girl in a mini dress cupping her hand to her mouth:
“You gotta move! You're standing in the doorway!”
Gojo realized he had frozen right when he entered, he probably should move as he didn’t want to be spotted.  The girl tugged at him, leading him towards the bar.  He followed as it was quite crowded and provided ample cover. The girl turned and looked up at him, cupping her hand again.
“Hi I’m Keiko!”
Gojo wasn’t in the mood to engage, he wanted to immerse himself with Utahime.
“Hello” He said, blandly.  He didn’t bother offering his name.
“So…” she batted her eyelashes “...wanna buy me a drink?” She asked coquettishly, a routine she seemed all too familiar with.
Gojo jerked his arm back instantly, nearly recoiling from her.  The nerve, this chick interrupted him witnessing Utahime and expected him to reward her for that??
The girl backed off at his reaction, a wounded look flashed across her face before she threw her hands up. “Whoa relax mister, you can say no.”  Gojo sighed. He didn’t mean to be so dramatic, but she was irritating him.  “Here” he handed her a 10,000 yen bill, “it’s on me as long as you and any friends with you leave me alone for the rest of the night.”
The girl looked at the note, then him, then shrugged as she plucked it from his fingers and made her way to the bar.  He huffed, hoping for no more distractions as he turned to the stage again.
Utahime had finished her song, much to his chagrin, and was casually chatting with the audience.  She exuded this bewitching, sultry persona on stage- he had never seen this side of her before.  He wondered what else he didn’t know about her, what else she hid from him or chose not to let him see.  Who are you? The thought, the unknown gnawed at his mind…it seemed there was so much to Utahime he was completely in the dark about, despite knowing each other for over two decades.  He was determined to uncover everything there was to know about her.
“Alright my loves, it’s been fun as always.  You’ll have to excuse me though, I have some friends from out of town and the plan tonight is to get blasted” Gojo hears whoops and whistles from the left side of the stage, he traced the cheers to see Mei Mei and Shoko at a VIP table, drinks in hand.  So everyone did arrive on time, lamenting on how he missed most of her show due to a bad call on his part.  Did he even really know anyone anymore?
“Until next time folks, y’all have a goodnight!”
The room filled with applause as Utahime got up and walked down the stage stairs, waving her hands in the air as she did a little victory dance towards the VIP table.  Their table was littered with drinks, and empty glasses- they had been here a while.
Gojo deliberated on approaching them. As he struggled for an excuse as to why he was there, he saw three middle-aged men in business suits approach their table with an expensive looking champagne bottle.  A chat went on and the ladies made room for the men to join them.  Gojo frowned but watched from a distance.
He saw Utahime whisper into the ear of the man closest to her, who promptly gestured for the waitress. She returned with a tray of what looked like six Old Fashioned cocktails and a box of cigars.  His frown deepened as the man handed Utahime a glass and cigar, the latter she accepted by parting her mouth slightly and allowing him to place it in her lips.  He seethed as the man lit it for her, almost cupping her face.
Gojo was not enjoying the display in front of him- Mei Mei and Shoko laughing amongst these loser suits, the one with a death wish slyly sliding his arm over Utahime’s bare shoulders.  She looked pointedly at his arm, then at the man's face before giving him a flirty wink.  Gojo was not amused.  Far from it.
This carried on for another 30 mins, his blood boiling at dangerous temperatures but he couldn’t bring himself to leave.  Finally the ladies all rose from their chairs with their purses, it seemed they were about to leave the club. The men rose with them, grabbing the untouched champagne bottle and followed the ladies towards the stairs.
Gojo turned his back to remain unseen, then followed shortly behind.  The group was outside, sans one of the men.  Gojo snuck amongst the crowd towards the far end of the entrance.  He was going to make his move, there was no way this fucker was going home with her.  He’d murder for far less.
With the ladies standing with their backs towards him, he called out:
“Oi! Senpai!!! Shoko! Mei Mei!”
All three spin around simultaneously, searching the crowd- but all his eyes were on Utahime, and he was not prepared for what he saw as her eyes met his. Nor could he ever forget it- he would remember until his dying day.
She smiled the most exquisite smile, slow to crest but quickly grew with brilliance- her eyes shining with unbidden joy.  She was so happy…so happy to see him.
“Gojo-kuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!” she squealed happily, making a dash for him and throwing her arms around his neck.  “What are you doing here?”, genuinely ecstatic to see him.
Gojo was stunned speechless but instinctively wrapped his arms around her waist; she smelled of cigar smoke and whiskey but he didn’t give a fuck, relishing the warmth of her body pressed to his.
Mei Mei and Shoko strolled forward. “Indeed Gojo, what are you doing here?”  Mei Mei coyly inquired. Shoko merely took a long drag from her cigarette with one eyebrow cocked.
He looked up briefly and opened his mouth but no words came out as he looked back at Utahime- her expression was one of unadulterated joy and she never looked so lovely. He never wanted to kiss her so badly; he moved to do so before he could stop himself when she suddenly jerked her head back. Her expression changed on a flip of a dime to suspicion.
“Wait a minute…” she drawled out, clearly inebriated, “I know why you’re here.”
Gojo froze like a deer in headlights…she had him pegged and would accept the consequences, but when she unraveled her arms from his neck he almost protested, he didn’t want to let her go. Ever.
She removed his hands from her waist, tossing them away, looking back up at him with her hands on her hips and targeting him with a disapproving glare.
He swallowed thickly, waiting for the onslaught.
“You’re not going to find many single girls here Gojo, it’s mainly couples tonight. You should try Samba House. Talent should be better there.” She waved her hand dismissively.
He balked. “Wha- no, Utah- err, senpai! I’m not here for that!” he protested, “I’m just….I was bored and wanted to see what the scene was like in Roppangi!  But it's a good thing I did because I found you…girls…” he added, in an attempt to cover himself.
Utahime cocked an eyebrow at him.  “You were bored huh? So you were looking to score? Well as a fellow colleague also on the hunt, allow me to give you a hot tip- look elsewhere because the pickings are slim.”
Gojo opened his mouth to protest again when the man that was all over Utahime returned, champagne bottle in one hand and a package of cups in the other.  “Oi, Utahime-san! Got the cups, shall we have a toast on our way to the club?”
Gojo eyed the man with daggers but Utahime turned, telling him to pop it and pour her a cup. Gojo quickly grasped her forearm, whirling her back towards him.
“Senpai, I think you had enough, you can barely stand.  I can take you home…or…you can come home with me. I’ll take care of you. I’ll be…I’ll be your good little kouhai.” His suggestion came off as a plea, he couldn't hide the earnestness in his voice.
Utahime blinked at his hand at her forearm, before looking him square in the eyes.
“Gojo, you go have your fun and I’ll go have mine.”
She jerked her arm away and walked towards the men, leaving him stupefied.  Mei Mei simply gave him a pointed look before looking up towards the tree branches above her where several crows perched, watching the scene below.  A warning not to follow as she’ll be watching, as she walked away.
Shoko was last to move off only because she was lighting another cigarette.  Gojo quickly grabbed her shoulder- “Oi Shoko, Utahime is really drunk.  She might not be thinking straight, she’s a mess.  You...you should really take her home.  Probably best to call it a night.”   The implication of his concern is heavy in the air.
Shoko took a long drag and exhaled it towards his face.  “Utahime’s a big girl Gojo, she can handle herself.  Why have you always struggled to see that?” With that, she rejoined the group as the champagne bottle popped making a mess; the ladies shrieking with delight.
Gojo just stood there, stunned in disbelief.  He could only watch as they walked off, laughing and having a good time without him, his master plan he spent all afternoon crafting to get closer with Utahime spectacularly backfiring in his face. 
Tonight was not his night, not by a long shot.
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hopelessromantic727 · 4 years
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Calum Hood- Wildflower
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Word Count: 1592
Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader
Warnings: None
Genre: Fluff
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
He had been inspired by the tattoo on the side of her left wrist. Her wildflower tattoo had intrigued him for a while. It wasn't her only tattoo, she had others, but the wildflower tattoo stood out because of its colors.
He asked her about it early on in their relationship when he found an appropriate time to ask about it.
She had smiled at him and looked down at her tattoo, beginning to explain the significance. 
"Well, it's kind of a long story..." she said, looking at Calum.
"You can tell me," he said, "as long as you're comfortable with it."
She sighed, looking at her tattoo for a moment and then turning towards him.
"A wildflower symbolizes happiness. It's beautiful and has a lot of colors, making it more noticeable than others. It is said that those who get a wildflower tattoo want happiness in their lives or that they're a happy person." She said, smiling at him.
He leaned towards her, "do any of those apply to you?"
She nodded, "I didn't have the best life growing up, I went through many hardships on my own, but I was grateful that I had everything I needed." She paused for a moment, her eyes wandering outside the window of the cafe.
"The wildflower became my favorite flower when I was at a low point in my life. It was what I wanted. Happiness. It also reminded me of one of my best friends, Cameron, who passed away during that low point in my life."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Calum said, feeling bad. Instead of being sad like he had expected Y/N to be, she just smiled and shook her head.
"It's fine besides he was part of the reason I got it. He was always a very happy and positive person. His passing made me realize how special and precious life is. It made me learn that I should be happy instead of crying all the time. That's what he would've wanted. So," she placed her arm on the table, turning it so Calum could see the wildflower tattoo along with his name tattooed under it, "I got his name tattooed on his birthday, and, on the one-year anniversary of his passing, I got the wildflower tattoo. The best decision I ever made."
"I see you also got other tattoos..." he said, pointing at one located on the side of the palm of her hand.
"Yeah, that one is the sign of a Gemini. He was a Gemini, and my moon sign is also Gemini. I also like them in general," she chuckled, "they're very fun, loving, and optimistic-"
"Like he was?" he finished for her.
She nodded, smiling.
"I'm guessing the anchor tattoo on your right wrist is supposed to keep you grounded? Because of its safety and stability?" he asked, looking at her, grinning.
"And it also symbolizes hope and a happy, brilliant life," she said excitedly.
"You're happier than I thought," he said, smiling at how she acted like a small child.
"I try to be. Maybe I could be your band’s cheerleader," she said, tracing the tattoo on his left hand with her finger.
"What about being my personal cheerleader?" he said playfully.
"Damn, you're really selfish," she smirked at him.
He closed his eyes and put a hand over his chest dramatically, acting like her comment affected him. He smiled when he heard her laugh.
They continued to laugh and joke around for the rest of the evening until the owner of the cafe kicked them out when it was time to close.
When he was driving her to her house, they continued talking. It was hard to look away from her when she started talking about her love for the 80s.
He parked his car on the side of the road next to a park and she continued talking about her favorite music and movies from the 80s.
"Anything 80s inspired, I love it!" She said, using her hands, showing her excitement.
He listened intently, not wanting to miss a single detail. At that moment, he realized how important and special she was, especially to him.
"I'm never giving her away," he thought, "she's the one."
* * * * * * *
A week after their date, Calum was at the studio with the guys, talking to them about her.
"Mate, I've never seen you this happy before," Ashton said, placing his hand on Calum's shoulder.
"I think cool guy Cal here finally found the one," Luke said, ruffling Calum's hair.
"Hey!" He said, stepping away from them, fixing his hair while Luke and Ashton laughed.
Calum turned towards Michael, who was playing random chords on his guitar. He had played something that intrigued Cal. He stopped for a moment, not knowing if he should bother continuing.
"Hey, keep going," Calum said, walking towards Michael and joining him on the couch, "I think you're getting somewhere."
Luke and Ashton joined them, sitting down on the chairs in front of the couch. Ashton started drumming his fingers on his leg, and Luke closed his eyes, focusing on the guitar.
Calum started singing what was on his mind. "I hear you calling out my name, it makes me smile, it makes me shake," he started smiling, thinking about Y/N, "I see the color in your veins..."
* * * * * * *
The band was in the studio listening to their now finished song "Wildflower." Calum was smiling at the finishing product. When they finished writing the song, Calum had talked with the producer telling him his vision and what he wanted in the song. He was glad when he understood perfectly and produced the song to his liking. The song was better than what he had imagined. 
They all cheered when the song was over.
"The song is amazing!" Luke said, smiling.
"I bet Y/N would like it," Ashton said, looking over at Calum, who was blushing at his comment.
"When are you gonna tell her?" Luke asked.
When the fellow bassist looked at him confused, Luke, hoping to make himself clear, said, "When are you gonna tell her about the song and that you wrote it for her?"
Calum leaned back against his seat, thinking about what Luke said.
He hadn't thought about it.
Calum started getting anxious.
What is she going to think about it? Will she like it? Will she get mad?
Is she going to think that I used her vulnerability to make a song about it? Is she going to think that all I care about is the money and attention the song would get?
Is she going to leave me?
"I honestly don't know..." he said, looking at his bandmates.
* * * * * * *
"Hey, I have to tell you something," Calum said, sitting down on Y/N's couch. After talking about it with his bandmates, he texted her, asking if he could come over. She had responded with, "sure, why not."
He was anxious on his way to her house, but the nerves went away when she had opened the door with a smile on her face. They came back, when after talking for a bit he sat down, remembering why he had asked her if he could come over.
She sat down beside him on the couch, "oh god, what did you do this time?" she asked with a smile on her face.
"I hope nothing bad..." he said, nervously looking down at his hands.
Her smile dropped when she noticed his serious tone, reaching down to take his hand in hers, she smiled at him.
"Hey, it's okay," she said, "you can tell me, no need to be nervous."
He smiled at her, "I'm here to listen," she said.
"Yeah, you are" she stared at him confused as he took his phone out from his back pocket.
"I'm going to play something for you," he said, looking for the song on his phone, "I want you to tell me your honest opinion about it."
She nodded as he found it and pushed the play button.
He was looking at her face the entire time the song was playing. She was nodding her head along with the music. She looked at him when the song was over.
"So... what do you think?" he asked, nervously looking at her eyes.
"I like it a lot, it's my type of music," she said smiling.
He smiled back at her when he confirmed that she was telling the truth.
"Thank god, I thought you would be mad," he said, leaning back on the couch.
"Why would I be mad?" she asked, looking at him.
"Because I wrote it about you," he said, meeting her gaze.
"About me?" He nodded.
"Wow..." she said, surprised, not knowing what to say.
"You inspire me a lot, you know, and it was hard not to write about you when you're a great person."
"I'm honored, thank you." She said sincerely, her features softening.
"No need to thank me, I should be the one thanking you for the inspiration."
"Well, you're welcome," she said, giggling.
He opened his arms for her. She smiled as she laid down on him, placing her head on his chest and wrapping her arms around his waist as he wrapped his arms around her. 
He placed a kiss on top of her head, mumbling, "I love you." 
She sighed happily, "I love you too."
~the end~
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misschinablue · 3 years
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Awesome things I've learned in three days of having Bell's palsy:
On Monday my face felt twitchy and tingly all day. I put it down to work stress and brushed it off. Then on Tuesday I woke up to one side of my face not working properly. Kind of like when you have anaesthetic at the dentist except in that whole side of my face. A few hours of genuinely thinking I'd had a stroke/suddenly developed brain cancer overnight were kind of a trip but that doesn't matter now - I'm fine, thank god - and one hospital trip later I had a diagnosis of Bell's palsy (click here to learn about what this is but the tl;dr is that it's facial paralysis, usually on one side of your face, and temporary in the vast majority of cases), a 10 day course of steroids and an understanding that what brought me here was probably our good friend Stress, which has been linked to it. Some other suspected causes are dormant viruses (HSV-1 is considered a big culprit), flu, diabetes and Lyme disease, but the reality is no one seems to know exactly how it happens and everyone is totally different. In my case I'm almost 100% confident it was stress as I have no history of cold sores or any of the other conditions.
So right now one side of my face is partially paralysed. Thank god it's really not that bad - you can't even really tell when my face is neutral and there's no overt drooping really but I can't smile or laugh with one side of my face, eating and drinking without channelling my inner toddler is somewhat challenging and my affected eye does some awesome freaky shit when I try to blink. Some people experience slurred speech but luckily I can mostly talk okay, just gets harder at length and certain letters are hard to pronounce. I can't close my eye all the way on the affected side unless I squeeze it really hard (and I couldn't even do that yesterday so woo!) and I have to wear an eye patch intermittently in the day and all night (managed to find a leopard print one on amazon so I can stay sexy) and put drops in my eyes like every five minutes otherwise risk corneal damage at best and vision loss at worst. Did I mention how fun this is?
ANYWAY. I rarely post personal shit on this blog but I felt compelled to write something to process just over 48 hours of serious mental gymnastics, despair, anxiety, humour, hope, and actually more positive thoughts than I usually think. But first, in case anyone who happens to be reading this ever ends up with this little slice of hell of a condition, here is some helpful shit I have learned:
1. You need to catch Bell's palsy early. There's a crucial 72 hour window from when it starts where if you don't get it seen to and get medication (usually steroids but some doctors will also prescribe antivirals alongside it depending on your country) you potentially lessen your chances of a full recovery. Many people do recover anyway without any treatment, especially if it's mild, but early treatment heightens your chances enormously.
2. Vitamin B12 helps with nerve regeneration. Bell's palsy is a nerve problem - it happens when one of your cranial nerves is like "lol fuck this I'm tired" and stops working as it should. Take vitamin B12.
3. Actually, just take a shit ton of vitamins. Boost your immune system to help you fight this shit. No one needs Bell's palsy. Fuck it off.
4. REST. I know for me having to do this especially when I otherwise feel well is super frustrating but if you have this, you are sick, and you need to rest as much as if you had the flu or whatever.
5. Get emotional support, and get it from the right places. I've never felt so grateful for my good friends and family than I have over the last 48 hours.
6. Find a way to laugh about it. Seriously. It might be the last thing you feel like doing because it's fucking freaky when your face turns on you, but it really does help. Smile looks evil? Lol you're a mafia boss. Dribble all over yourself when you try to drink something? Laugh it off. Oh, and avoid hot drinks. Seriously. I learned this the hard and burny way.
7. A lot of places will advise you to drink with a straw. DON'T. Your nerve needs to rest. Drinking with a straw stretches your face too much and you will piss it off. The nerve already hates you. Don't poke the bear.
8. On that note, don't force your face to do shit it doesn't want to do. Same reason.
9. On that note again, don't try the facial exercises you might see online until there are obvious signs of recovery. Same reason. Keep that nerve happy. Leave the mean angry bear alone.
10. Lastly - DON'T PANIC. 85% of people recover in a couple of weeks to a month or so, the other 10% or so in a few months to a year and the final 5%, well, there's still hope - there are all sorts of alternative treatments that have been proven effective. Plus panicking will only stress you out and make things worse both physically and emotionally.
So this is the practical side if you ever find yourself with this - and if you're reading this I pray for you that you never have to experience it, or if you've found this post because you are experiencing it I hope what I have to say is at least somewhat helpful.
So, more general advice. At the risk of whining (although I only mention this to make my point), 2021 has been one of the worst years of my life. I won't get into it too much but I've had some seriously low moments this year starting with the death of a family member and spiralling from there. I had times where I really felt like giving up, and no matter how depressed my neurotic ass can get, that's not like me. And as I reflect on how stressed out I've been - and what I'm sure has led me here - well, no fucking wonder. Getting this has been a HUGE wake up call about taking better care of myself. Here is a list of little wisdoms I have been mulling over the last couple of days - I hope anyone reading this can take something away from it. Trust me, something like this changes your perspective on certain areas of your life quickly and A Lot.
1. Stop fucking worrying about how you look. I have dreadful self esteem and often avoid cameras because of it - there are many events with friends, family etc that there are no trace of me even being at because I hide whenever someone mentions taking a picture. When this is over - never again. I have a whole new appreciation for my face. You really don't know what you've got until you risk losing it.
2. Stop persisting with people who make you feel like shit. Seriously. I'm avoiding people who even stress me out a little bit while this goes on. It's not worth it.
3. Stop squashing your feelings. Stop apologising for your feelings and trying to hide them. You're human. Show it. The right people will respect you for it.
4. Your job is just a job. Don't make anything that's not your problem, your problem. Do your work, do your best, don't absorb it, go home and forget about it until you have to go back. Work to live. It's not worth it.
5. You don't have to have something going on every night of the week. Take some time to yourself and use it to rest. Just because you have time doesn't mean you have to use it. Don't give into the "unproductivity" jitters. You don't have to be making and contributing and socialising all. The. Time. It's not worth it.
6. Comparison is the thief of joy. It's not worth it.
7. Go to therapy if you need it and use it wisely. Don't touch stuff that you're not ready for. It's not worth it.
8. Will it matter in a week, 5 months, 5 years time? No? Then it's not worth it now.
9. You can't change the past and you can't control the future. It's cliche but it's true. Stop ruminating, and if you can't stop seek help. It's not worth it.
10. Avoid things that make you angry in an unproductive way. It's so, so, so not worth it.
If you're still with me hi and thank you for reading. I know this was a super long post but I felt compelled to share this experience for anyone who happens to see it and my thoughts/learning so far - my perspective has never shifted so dramatically and so positively in such a short space of time. There are really fucking hard moments with this but with early treatment, the right mindset and very small but definite signs of improvement already I'm confident I can beat this. I sincerely hope none of you ever find yourself in this position. And for anyone who I talk with semi regularly, sorry if I'm a bit quiet over the next couple of weeks - I'm using this time to do what I never do, focusing on resting and focusing on myself. Much love to you all xx
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angrylizardjacket · 3 years
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it's in the blood // this is tradition
Summary: Children inherit all sorts of traits from their parents. Not all these traits are good.
"My reputation preceded me before I was born."
[ charlotte & lola au ]
A/N: 2292 words. Halsey's new album killed me on the spot. i talk a lot about the next gen being mirrors of their parents, but i'd like to go into detail about that not necessarily being a positive. @misscharlottelee this made me feel things. i love these kids.
Warnings: overdose mention, addiction discussion, mentions of drug abuse.
Penelope Dingley-Lee
Tommy can count the amount of times he'd seen Razzle truly angry on one hand, and here and now he can see it again, written all over his neice's face. He'd thought she would look like Charlie when she's angry, and occasionally she does, the way her lip curls derisively, dismissively, that's very reminiscent of his cousin, but here and now, her blue eyes are hazy, cloudy, and her lips twist with an irate arrogance that is worryingly familiar.
Angry and high and wearing clothes that don't quite match, in this moment she's exactly her father's daughter.
She's been in the papers again. Her tits have been in magazines again. Tommy bites down on his instinctual desire to repremand her; she'd call him a hypocrite, call him an old man, tell him to keep his opinions to himself while she could still buy his sex tape out of a shady car boot down the street.
Charlie was like that too, on occasion, wit too quick for him to keep up with. When she got into a mood like this, Tommy didn't have to worry so much; usually Razzle would egg her on, but knew when to pull her back.
"It's my god given, motherfucking right to go feral -" he'd heard Charlie back in the eighties holler at three in the morning, high on amphetamines and waving a gossip rag above her head. Razzle would be on the sofa, equally fucked up, but gazing at her like she hung the stars in the sky.
"Lola gets photographed at least once a month stark naked along the strip like it's a sport, why is my Playboy shoot a national crisis?! My tits are fantastic!"
"They are, my love," Razzle nods seriously, and Tommy pulls his pillow from beneath his head, trying to either block out their voices through the thin walls, or maybe smother himself. The girl beside him, the groupie whose name he doesn't know, asks blearily why there's so much yelling. Tommy doesn't answer.
A week later, Tommy is the one to bail out Charlie and Razzle for public indecency, and they're both beaming from ear to ear.
Here in the present, Penny is draped out on the sofa, laughing low and pleased as she watches TV.
"TMZ blurred out my tits," she snorts, "cowards."
"Penny..." he can't help the faintly disappointed notes in his voice when he says her name.
"Thomas, I've read The Dirt," Penny fires back venemously. Hypocrite he hears in her tone, you have no power over me.
There's something hollow in her eyes in the photos he sees of her in the papers. She wears her father's inflluence and her heart on her crushed velvet sleeve, on the arm of a shallow, pretty, band boy who plays badly and loudly. But she laughs louder, though tthe sound is low and unconvincing if anyone bothered to listen hard enough, and Tommy wonders if he has enough dark hair dye left for when that boy breaks her heart.
Jupiter Lee
Tommy is proud to watch Jupiter on stage, but he is afraid.
Their anger is something he remembers from Lola, the way they cling to the past with vitriol echoes their mother, but on stage, they drink up the attention, get high off the love the audience gives, and he sees himself in those moments.
A child of addicts, Jupiter had drawn lines in the sand for themselves that they refused to cross; no alcohol, no drugs, and they'd stayed loyal to that. But highs come in all forms; they simply picked a different kind of poison without realising.
On stage, halfway between the gutter and a god complex, Tommy knows the smile they wear all too well.
Rebellion from Jupiter didn't shock the world like it did when it was Penny's name in the papers. Jupiter's trajectory was spot on in the eyes of the public, but rebellion wouldn't be the thing that broke them.
Once, so long ago that it's a miracle the memory survived, Tommy remembers asking Lola what she would be doing if she wasn't with the band. Lola gave him an easy, bleary smile, laughing sweetly when she told him that one way or another, she'd be here. In the moment it overwhelms him with love. In hindsight it breaks his heart.
"Come on, I think this is inevitable," Jupiter smiles on television as an interviewer asks them the same question; if they weren't making music what they'd be doing, "as if I'd do anything other than this."
'Don't you know where I come from?' is left unspoken, but Tommy still hears it.
He tries to picture himself in a life without the world at his feet the way he has now. No image comes to mind. Nothing else makes sense. Even if he wanted to do something else, wanted to grow up to be something else, he couldn't even begin to picture it for himself, tragedy and all.
They play their parts. They let history repeat itself. Jupiter makes mistakes Tommy and Lola had already learned from. Penny plays Jupiter's conciousness until the role grates on her nerves, diving head first into chaos, taking Jupiter with her with little convincing.
Tommy remembers this too.
When the world looks at Penny and Jupiter, they like to remember how Lola was seen as a bad influence on Charlotte, but forget that Tommy would have followed Charlotte in to Hell without hesitation.
Leo "Seo" Sixx
Lola has google alerts set up for her son, Seo, because he disappears for months without warning. Tommy asks how he is, and Lola looks to her phone with a tight smile, telling him that he's competeing in a skateboarding competition in Prague. She learned that from Twitter.
Seo comes and goes without warning, and talks to his siblings more than his parents. He loves them, but he hasn't allowed himself to stop for years. He doesn't know how. Then again, neither did Lola or Nikki.
"Jupiter thinks a lot about legacy, don't they?" He's in Tommy's kitchen, eating a poptart, when Tommy returns home one friday evening. He's waiting for Penny and Jupiter to finish getting ready, the three of them going out.
"Do your parents know you're in town?" Tommy asks with faint amusement, though there's a twinge of guilt in his gut when Leo considers that he should probably let them know. Says he forgot. Tommy's not sure if he believes him; like his parents before him, he tends to leave a lot unsaid. It's part of his charm, the world seems to think, but Tommy knows all to well how deliberate of an act it can be.
"Jup's got all this stuff in their head about legacy and who they should be," he continues his earlier thought, "which I guess makes sense, they tie a lot of themselves up in their identity," he shrugs, then, "I don't know Leo."
Tommy's not sure if he's talking about the grandfather he's named after, or himself.
"You've given this a lot of thought," Tommy says quietly, humouring him.
"I think a lot," Seo responds, "I've been thinking about going back on my meds, its weird being off of them." Of course this concerns Tommy, who knows objectively that Seo isn't his kid, but he's close enough that Tommy feels like he's allowed to be concerned. "I'm worried a doctor's note isn't going to be enough to let me compete at the Olympics on speed," falls too casually from Seo's lips, alarming Tommy in an instant. Though it must clearly show on his face, as Seo breaks out into an apologetic grin, "dextroamphetamine, for my ADHD. I've been trying to wean off it for the Olympics, it's been hard -" but his next words, said so blithe, so casual, have Tommy's heart stopping in his chest as he's thrown back thirty years, "I've been on them since I was like eleven years old; it was great, I could think, like the right amount, but now I... I think everything. I feel everything. Its a lot." He shrugs, like he didn't just become an echo of his father.
Seo's parents both died twice from overdoses, and now their son feels like he can't function without amphetamines.
Objectively Tommy knows that they work for Seo, that he's not abusing them he simply uses them to help him function, but the irony is not lost on him. It's a lot to unpack. He doesn't think to ask about the Olympics; it slips his mind until he sees Seo and a silver medal on his Twitter feed.
Lola calls Tommy in tears. She's proud, but she wishes she'd known, wishes she'd been able to watch it live, or go over and support him in person.
No-one in Seo's life seems to fully know or understand his intentions or actions, no-one can predict his next move. He puts up a bright facade, but like his parents before him, he does not trust the world to know him.
They don't know where he goes in the few months after the Olympics, all they know is that he doesn't come home.
Cerie "CerieThree" Sixx
Since she'd turned sixteen, Tommy has never seen Cerie Sixx without a smile. That is a very deliberate choice that she's made.
She's made a choice to rise above the percieved grime of her origins. She's halfway across the country, smiling for a camera she can control, editing her image before she lets it out into the world. Cerie Three - even the name the world knows reflects this; she's picked apart the context she was born into, disecting it, deciding which was useful to show the world, disposing of the rest.
She speaks warmly to her family, from what Tommy can gather, but the people on the peripheries of their life seem more like associates in the coldest sense of the world. Her smile doesn't reach her eyes half the time when she sees Tommy, and she shakes his hand when her brothers will hug him. The internet is closer to her than he is.
Cerie looks the most like her mother of all her siblings; she's 21, the exact same age Lola was when she met Tommy, but half the time he can barely see the resemblence. Lola had let the world see a villain at that age; Cerie had learned from that, had rejected that, rejected the cold, hard humanity of her mother's fronting. Cerie wanted to be perfect. Cerie had to be perfect, hyper aware of her own image, like her siblings seem to be, but the way she'd so effectively shaped her public identity was kind of terrifying.
Perhaps this was what it was like for people who didn't know Lola, only allowed to know the image she put out into the world, or people who only knew Nikki for his stage presence.
But the more Tommy thinks about it, the more he remembers just how effectively Lola had wrapped the band around her little finger when she set her mind to it, how she talked her way around exectives despite being dressed like she'd woken up in the gutter and fucked up on any number of drugs. Lola understood people, and it seemed Cerie did too.
Cerie Sixx, twenty one, doesn't stop creating content, doesn't stop studying, and doesn't stop smiling. Two of those three things are inhereted traits, inhereted determination, and the third is a choice.
Cyrus Sixx
Though Cyrus had inhereted much of his parent's musical talent, the same way Jupiter had, Cyrus had also inhereted a love of the high life. Even so, he's so full of love, kissing his mother on both cheeks before he goes out to get shitfaced in the bars she was decades before he was even born.
He works hard, at his job, on his music, but his partying matches it just as well. He knows exactly how far he has to fall before he meets the depths his parents' had sunk to, and though he doesn't voice this, his arrogance comes across in his actions.
There'd always be someone to pull him away from swan diving to rock bottom. He takes that for granted, and keeps getting closer and closer.
The only one of Nikki and Lola's children who still lives at home, he's the only one like them in the way they'd feared.
"He's going to have more success than he will ever be able to comprehend," Nikki had told Tommy, the day after Cyrus had been admitted to hospital after staying up for four days while high and obsessing over a song he had been working on. Nikki had found him having a fit after having fallen from his desk chair. Now, sitting on Tommy's patio in the sunset, he looks tired, he looks afraid, "if he doesn't end up killing himself first."
A month ago, the fire department and the police had to pull him, kicking and screaming and bareass naked from a tree in the middle of town. His parents had bailed him out, had felt a familiar sting of guilt as they find themselves reminded of their own youthful exploits. They repremand him, of course, but they both know the only reason they stopped climbing trees was because there had been no-one to pick them up after.
Nikki sees himself in his sons mistakes, but he'd had to learn concequences the hard way.
Tommy loves his family and all it's strange branches, as well as their raucous youth, but his closest friends were some of the most volatile people he'd known, and somehow he'd forgotten that as time as taken people and memories from him.
But these children were made in their image.
22 notes · View notes
eryiss · 3 years
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Summary: Freed and Gajeel were total opposites in every way, only connected by the guild. When they were forced to train together under Makarov's orders, they expected antagonism and mistrust. Instead, they were given a lesson in how quickly opposition can turn to attraction. The issue: let the budding relationship simmer away, or let it explode. [Freed x Gajeel Multi-chapter]
Notes: Hey everyone. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Get ready for some conflict, and two stubborn men refusing to admit their faults. Hope you enjoy it.
Links: FFN, Ao3, Chapter List
Chapter Two - Teething Trouble
Day One: Monday
The further they trudged into the forest, the more Freed understood what Gajeel was going to put him through. In a word: Survival.
He should have guessed by the way Gajeel had treated him before they'd left magnolia that the antagonism shared between them would be a factor in the week. Gajeel had immediately told him to leave his bags at home - "You're only gonna need the clothes on yer back, city boy." - and had taken every opportunity to call Freed 'fragile' and 'spoiled'. Clearly, he thought that Freed was a man unused to roughing it, and who had spent his life in luxury.
To put it simply, Gajeel hadn't planned a training exercise. He had planned three days of pushing Freed to his limits, trying to break him and expose his supposed weakness. No doubt the following three days would be filled with pointless physical labour and an excess of exaggerated survivalist exercises,
Freed found it oddly exciting; he would enjoy proving the idiot wrong.
"Heads up," Gajeel grunted, letting go of a branch he'd pushed aside, clearly intending to let it hit Freed. Freed, being a trained mage with refined reflexes, caught the branch before it struck him. Gajeel saw, his lips twitched down slightly. "Hm."
"Are you intending to be obnoxious," Freed asked, boot squelching in the mud. "Or is that just your personality?"
"Not enjoying yourself, city-boy?"
"You've hardly proven yourself to be a conversationalist, have you?" Freed mused, climbing the small verge of grass that Gajeel was guiding him to. "And so far, rather than training of any kind, you've decided to take me on a walk around the forest and not much else."
"We're nearly there," Gajeel grunted. "And maybe if ya shut yer trap I'd be better company."
"You're quite defensive, I do hope I didn't strike a nerve," Freed hummed, wanting to annoy the man. "If simply insulting your plans has gotten your hackles raisen so quickly, then you've got thinner skin than I had expected."
"I've got thin skin?" Gajeel scoffed. "Sure."
That was the entirety of the conversation shared between the two men for the morning. The forest Gajeel had chosen for them to walk through was one unfamiliar to Freed, and as such he couldn't be sure if he was being taken a direct route to wherever Gajeel was taking him, or if he had been walking in circles for Gajeel to test his stamina and ability to cross a wooded area. They'd seen the same stream a few times, at different places, so Freed was fairly sure that they weren't going the most direct route.
Only when the sun was high in the sky did Gajeel decide to stop walking. Though he wouldn't say it, Freed's as thankful for the rest, as his legs were starting to complain. He looked around where they had paused to see what Gajeel considered a good stopping point,
Gajeel was obnoxious, but he clearly knew what he was doing.
He'd found a small clearing in the trees, with a break in the canopy that gave them direct sunlight and dryer grass. They were a close walk from the stream, so had both a water and food source, if the fish were safe to eat. They weren't so far from the trees that it would be a trial to find shelter if the rain began. Freed was impressed, and looked to Gajeel for further instructions; if he wanted to beat him at his own game, he needed to know what this game was.
"You might have figured out what this is," Gajeel began, looking towards Freed. He was clearly proud of himself. "For the next three days, we're camping out here, living off the land. No help, no magic, no luxury."
He had emphasised the word luxury, as if the lack of it might make Freed cry. Gods, it would be sweet to wipe that smile off his face.
"You act like I've never camped before," Freed commented.
"Not like this you ain't," Gajeel stated. Technically it was true, Freed usually had a flimsy tent at least, but it was hardly a worrying prospect. "We need food, shelter, heat. Since we have to work together, we split duties. I'll get some fish, you make a fire and get us some shelter made," He crossed his arms and smirked, "if you can handle it, of course."
"I'm sure I can cope," Freed drawled. "Though I might fall to pieces if I chip one of my nails."
Gajeel grunted and turned around. Apparently he wasn't happy that his clear assumptions about Freed had been thrown back at him. That only made Freed more enthusiastic about showing just how capable a man he was, and how wrong Gajeel was in his ideas.
With his teammate walking towards the shallow stream, Freed looked around to see what he had to use. Clearly Gajeel didn't want him using his magic for his time in the forest, so the shelter wouldn't be so easy as making a rune barrier to keep them warm and protected, but that wasn't too difficult to contend with. As they'd walked, Freed had been taking note of the wildlife, and suspected that wolves, bears and other hostile creatures would not cause a problem. The main cause for shelter would be the weather, both protection from the sun and the rain if the clouds rolled in. Perfectly easy.
Using his sword, which had been considered as part of the clothes on his back, Freed began ripping large sheets of bark from nearby trees. He then began hacking away at the lower branches, those wide enough to support some weight but thin enough to be cut away fairly easily.
With enough supplies, he walked back to the clearing. Gajeel was still in the stream, with the water up to his ankles. On the rocks by the shore, four fish were sat dead, wirh Gajeel seemingly attempting to catch them some more. It was an impressive sight to see, he was picking them out from the water without a second thought, and Freed was reluctantly grateful. Catching fish on his own was not something he would be proficient in.
Not without his magic, anyway.
He refocused his attention on the task at hand. He was intending to make a small hut for them both to shelter under. It wouldn't be complicated: four of the branches would hold up the sheets of bark. It wouldn't be particularly large, and the protection of the wind would be non-existent, but it would do what was needed to protect them from either sunstroke, or a cold, depending on the weather.
Freed quickly put his plans into action. The four strongest branches were dug into the dirt, propped up in place by the weaker branches. He tied the pieces of bark together using weeds and some of the longer leaves, making it into a single sheets that would protect them from the elements. It didn't take long for him to affix the bark to the branches, and he made sure to test the structural integrity of the hut by kicking each of the branches. With each kick, the hut held, and Freed considered it to be a success.
"Ain't too bad," Gajeel said, suddenly behind Freed. Freed only allowed a small twitch of surprise. "Don't see a fire, though."
"I expect that's because I haven't made one yet," Freed retorted, shaking the hut again to be sure the bark would hold. "I'm afraid there's not much space under it, so we'll have to sleep close to one another. I might have made it larger, but you seem averse to luxury and I didn't wish to scare you."
"You ain't funny," Gajeel grunted. "Make a fire, city-boy."
Ah, so 'city-boy' was going to stay? That was unfortunate.
Still, as much as Freed would have liked to explain how incorrect the nickname was, Gajeel would prefer actions over words. If he wanted a fire, Freed was happy to make a fire.
This was child's play for him, he was a mage after all. He made a bed of rocks to protect the grass from burning, then began laying thicker logs into a pile. Next, the thin and dried out twigs that would quickly set alight without much complaint. Finally, dry leaves that would take a spark and turn into fire.
It took a few moments for Freed to find a piece of flint, but he did. Once he had, he rested his sword in the middle of the unlit fire. He struck the blade with the flint, sparks flying from it.
Gajeel didn't once stop watching him, waiting for him to make a mistake. He didn't, and the fire was soon burning.
"Is that satisfactory," Freed asked, placing the sword in the scabbard as the fire grew beside him. "Or do you wish for me to trek into the forest and tame a wolf so that it can protect us?"
"I said you ain't funny," Gajeel muttered. He handed Freed one of the many fish he had caught. "Gut this. Hope you ain't squeamish."
Freed openly laughed, having him gut a fish was Gajeel's trump card?
This would be easier than he thought.
——
Everything about the day had worked out in Freed's favour, and it was delightful to watch Gajeel get more and more angry about it. He clearly wanted Freed to blanch at the idea of working to survive, and Freed had proven himself a capable man under every task he had been given. This was a competition, and so far Freed was dominating it.
"Stand up," Gajeel demanded suddenly, and Freed raised an eyebrow. "You wanted to train right? Let's train."
"Very well," Freed said, standing up. "What did you have in mind?"
It was late in the evening now, and the fire was the only source of light. Clouds were obstructing the moon, thankfully, meaning Freed didn't have to worry about the demon burning away inside of him. Whatever Gajeel had in store, Freed wanted complete focus so he could finally end this ridiculous test he'd been put through.
Following his teammate, he was taken a short ways away from the hut he'd created. They were close to the stream, but not so far that they couldn't see one another in the darkness. Gajeel stopped, turned towards Freed, and spread his arms.
"You rely on yer magic too much," Gajeel stated, despite the fact Freed has spent the day disproving that fact. "And I'm willing to bet you hang back in a fight and let Sparky and the Acrobat do most of the physical shit. If you go against someone who cancels your magic then you're shit out of luck, and I ain't gonna fight with a guy who can only toss spells at a guy and hope it works."
"I can't decide if you're wilfully ignoring everything I've done today, or if you're too stupid to have a short term memory," Freed commented with a patronising grin.
"Keep talking shit, it'll only make this worse," Gajeel grinned, his fangs poking through his lips.
Freed went to retort, but Gajeel did the most peculiar thing, and removed his shirt. The suddenness of the action stopped Freed's words before they came.
"We're gonna wrestle. No magic, no weapons, no holds barred. Just gotta rely on our own strength. We keep going until one of us gives us or loses consciousness."
"Very well," Freed shrugged, reaching up to remove his cravat. "Once you've given up, you can perhaps lose this idea that I'm incapable."
"Doubt it," Gajeel grunted.
Freed, to keep in step with Gajeel, removed his own shirt and threw it to the side. As he did, he assessed his opponent. Gajeel was objectively a broader and more muscular man, and despite how intentionally toned he was - nobody got a six pack accidentally - Gajeel's muscles weren't just a result of vanity. The man was physically stronger than him, and had the advantage. But Freed had succeeded in situations worse than this, and Gajeel's cockiness would be his downfall.
With both men stripped to the waist, they assumed a battle ready stance. Gajeel counted down from three, and they lurched towards one another the moment the fight began. The bartering of a muscular form against his own took the wind out of Freed, but he grappled the man around the waist without hesitation.
They struggled like that for a moment, both pushing to wrong foot the other man, neither succeeding.
Freed felt his feet stumbling slightly, and knew that Gajeel's strength was greater than his own. He needed to be smart about this: he would exhaust his target, and take what opportunities presented to throw Gajeel off. One such opportunity had just shown up - if Gajeel wanted to push him back, he would give him what he wanted.
With fast movements, he removed his arms from around Gajeel's waist and shunted back. Too late to adjust his momentum, Gajeel stumbled forward, landing face first in the ground where Freed had just been.
"I'm embarrassed for you that that worked," Freed commented before he could stop himself.
Just as Gajeel pushed himself up off the ground, Freed tackled him again. He was successful this time, flipping him so his back was flush against the grass. When Gajeel's right hand came to push Freed off, he quickly took hold and pinned it above his head. He pressed a foot into Gajeel's stomach to hold him down, smirking as he went to further taunt the man. Just before the words could leave his mouth, a splitting pain filled Freed.
The bastard had kicked him in the stomach.
Gajeel had meant it when he'd said no holds barred. Freed could work with that.
Pushing himself up before Freed could recover, Gajeel crashed into Freed with his full body weight, and the press of the man's strong form was pinning Freed to the ground immediately. One hand was pressing Freed's hands to the ground, his foot was pinning Freed's right leg in place, and his other hand was pressing against Freed's throat with strength behind it. He also meant it when he'd said until one of them was unconscious.
But Freed was not a man to go down without a fight. With only his left leg unpinned, he did something he wasn't particularly proud of, but worked in the situation. He slammed his knee into Gajeel's groin, and the pressure went away as Gajeel staggered to the side.
"Fucking bastard," Gajeel roared, voice a little higher than normal. "What the hell?"
Freed didn't waste the opportunity, and pushed his foot to Gajeel's spine and pressed him face first into the ground. He'd cupped his balls on instinct, meaning his hands were essentially pinned below him when Freed asserted more pressure.
"No holds barred," Freed taunted. "A word of advice. If you set a rule around me, I tend to remember-"
He was cut off when Gajeel suddenly lurched back, throwing Freed's leg off him and making him scramble for balance. He grabbed Freed by the calve and pulled down with strength, taking Freed to the ground beside him. Freed found his arms yanked behind him, and grunted a little at the pain as they were pinned against his lower back. He didn't struggle, it would only exhaust him.
"Givin' up so quickly, huh?" Gajeel purred. "Ain't surprised. Knew you couldn't handle it."
Gajeel had meant to taunt him, but all he had done was show where he was. The words had been right beside Freed's ear, and so Gajeel's face was right behind his ear too. With a jerk, Freed rammed his head back, feeling the crack of the other man's jaw against his skull. The grip on his hands loosened, and he managed to push the man off him.
The following few moments followed a pattern. Freed would get the better of Gajeel, Gajeel would push him off and pin Freed down. Freed in turn would get Gajeel off him, and push him down. The pattern would repeat itself, with neither man gaining the upper hand for too long.
"Ah," Freed panted at the sudden cold on his back as he was pushed to the ground again. Water, they were at the stream now.
"Cold ain't a bother, right?" Gajeel smirked, kicking Freed in the chest when he tried to sit up.
"You're determined to think me weak, aren't you?" Freed rasped slightly, winded from the kick. "Which is a brave thing to say, given you were rolling around the floor cupping your balls just moments ago."
An exaggeration, but the snarl of anger he got was worth it.
Suddenly, one of Gajeel's large hands was wrapped up in Freed's hair, and a kick to the gut had Freed turning. A foot was pressed against this back, forcing him to lie face down in the cold water. Gajeel made sure to hold his face towards the flow of the stream, and the feeling of it rushing into his partially split lips and nose was a horrid burning. A nasty trick.
Freed tried to push himself up, but the fight was lasting longer than he hoped and after a day of labour, Freed's muscles were starting to protest. He tried to raise his head, but Gajeel wouldn't allow it.
Above all, Freed was a strategist. Sometimes, a retreat was the logical choice.
He knew he could get out of this hold. With the right angle, he could take hold of Gajeel's leg and pull it in the same way Gajeel had done to him to knock him off balance. But what then? They would fall back into the spiral of pinning one another, hitting one another, and achieving nothing.
This entire exercise was an act of futility. Gajeel was trying to prove Freed was weak willed and impractical, despite the fact it was clearly untrue. Freed was trying to prove Gajeel wrong, but the man was too pigheaded to accept it.
"I give," Freed grunted, voice warped by the water.
"What was that?" Gajeel taunted.
"I said I give," Freed spat.
The hand keeping his head partially underwater was gone, and the foot holding him down soon followed. Freed spat out the water as he turned, body aching as he sat in the stream. Gajeel was looking down at him as if he were dirt, and it took a lot of self restraint not to attack the man where he stood.
"You think yer hot shit, but you ain't," Gajeel grunted, "You're a spineless ass with some spells you rely on too much."
"You know damn well I only stopped that because it was pointless," Freed snarled, standing up, water dripping from him. "And you didn't ban magic because you want to see me fight without it. You were just scared of me showing my power because you know it dwarves yours."
"The hell did you say?" Gajeel growled, and magic energy filled the space as Gajeel's hands turned to a blade.
"You heard me," Freed's voice was distorted - demonic - and he didn't care. "You are in the presence of a powerful wizard and terrified."
For a moment, neither man spoke. Tense magical energy flowed form them both, ready to lurche should they need it. Gajeel relented, walking towards the fire, murmuring that he couldn't wait for the week to be over.
That, at least, was something they could agree upon.
4 notes · View notes
levbug · 4 years
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𝐒𝐀𝐅𝐄— 𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐤.
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#pairing ー akaashi keiji x royal! gender neutral! reader
#warnings ー royalty au! a few curses here and there. also a mentioning of being locked up, not getting fed enough, arranged marriage (its the plot do beware), marriage to men older than 50 to a younger person, death of natural causes
#wc ー 2.2k
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you lay on the grass with akaashi, enjoying the view of the stars above you. it had been months since you two have done this, and you could never tell when the next time would be, so you just savoured the rare calmness you only felt when you were with the boy.
as each day passed and your arranged wedding was nearing, you and akaashi found yourselves getting busier and not having enough time to spend with each other. it broke both your hearts' that, soon, you'd be married and it wouldn't be to him.
you desperately wished to be wed to him, but you were from different worlds: you being royalty and akaashi being the prince's, your brother's, most trusted servant. it wasn't acceptable in the eyes of others.
"so what if it isn't? it's not anyone's business on who i fall in love with. let them say whatever." you had responded angrily to akaashi after he brought it up. he shook his head and held your face gently between his calloused hands.
"i know, your highness, but it's not as simple as it sounds." he kissed your forehead. you relaxed as his lips touched your skin, smiling as you heard him address you by your royal title. his silly nickname for you made you forget about your anger. akaashi was the only one who could do that to you.
the consequence of marrying a commoner seemed like nothing, but it was everything. you would lose your royal status and be forbidden to ever see your family again. it was a cruel punishment, but you were tempted to disobey the rules and do it. maybe even start your own family with akaashi and live in the town.
but every time you saw koutarou's infectious grin, or heard your father's booming laugh that couldn't help but make everyone around him chuckle as well, or caught glimpse of your mother's soft (eye colour) eyes that matched yours, you would second-guess yourself. you loved your family, but you also loved akaashi.
akaashi had convinced you to stay with your family, despite wanting nothing but to go to marry and live the rest of his life with you. he had seen how torn you were and and decided to be selfless, saying he'd be happy to just be able to see you everyday surrounded by those you loved.
koutarou knew of your situation, but there was nothing he could do. he wouldn't become king soon enough, definitely not in time for your wedding, so he couldn't change the rules or call off the marriage. he knew how much you loved akaashi, just looking at you he could tell, and it saddened him that he was helpless in this situation.
your betrothed was the king of seijoh. he was a sleazy old guy with a bad temper and horrible manners. he was at least thirty years your senior and you'd be his sixth spouse. he disgusted you to no end. he touched you inappropriately on the first night you met and when you called him out on it, he dismissed it as a good ol' joke.
he had only chosen you to be his spouse because he saw a painting of you and deemed you physically acceptable. you knew if he found out about your courtship with akaashi, he'd have you executed, as he had with his last spouse. he was globally revered and he knew it, using it to his own advantage.
"keiji?" you called to him softly. he looked down at you with his beautiful dark blue eyes, awakening the butterflies in your stomach. 'gosh, keiji, you never fail to make me feel this way.' you thought, staring back up at him, cheeks heating up under his soft yet intense stare.
"yes, love?" he said softly, voice barely above a whisper. your heart rate sped up a bit at the nickname, as it was rare for him to call you anything but your given name or 'your highness'.
"i don't want to get married to that creepy old fucktard." your sudden statement caught akaashi off-guard and he couldn't help but chuckle. he found it amusing how even if you were raised to be 'proper' and speak only the politest words, you would do the exact opposite.
"well, you don't have much of a choice. when the king says he wants you, it's you he's gonna get." akaashi said, sitting up so he could look at you. "no matter how disgusting it sounds, it's our reality."
"i know, i know...it's just surreal how someone can just choose who they want to marry and the other has no choice but to accept, because if they didn't, it would possibly result in war." you sat up as well, glaring at the ground in frustration. akaashi noticed how riled up you were getting and held your hand in his, tracing small circles on the back of it.
"you know i love you, right?" he said, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. "if i could, i'd fight that sorry excuse of a king for your hand in marriage."
smiling at his sincerity, you scooted closer to him and leaned you head on his shoulder. you felt tears well up in your eyes as you thought of all those days and sleepless nights you had spent imagining your future with the boy who sat next to you.
"i wish i could stay and keep the life i made with you." you sighed. akaashi closed his eyes and just listened to your soft voice. "it's true, i'll never be over you because i've built a future in my mind with you and now hope is gone. there's nothing left for me to do."
akaashi's eyes opened as he heard this. "that's not true. as much as i hate to think of a life without you, you don't need me. you're wonderful, bright, and young. you don't need my love to continue living. and don't bother arguing, because we both know i'm right."
tears threatened to fall from you eyes and it took everything in you to not cry. "listen, (first name), i hope you know i love you, because i really do and i can't say it enough, but with the king, you'll survive. you'll be safe with him, and i'll be content knowing you are."
the tears you had been trying to stop earlier were now falling freely from your cheeks. akaashi took you into his arms and hugged you tightly, rocking you back and forth in attempts to calm your crying.
when your sobbing had been reduced to small whimpers and sniffles, akaashi held you at arm's length to look you in the eye. "k-keiji, puh-please promise me you'll al-lways love me." you hiccuped, your puffy red eyes staring at him desperately.
"i promise. and you promise to always love me?"
"i suh-swear."
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akaashi had been wrong about one thing; you were not safe with the king. it had taken years for you to return to your home because the king had forbade you from ever visiting fukurodani when he found out you and akaashi had been exchanging letters.
the old sleaze had treated you like a prisoner, only letting you out of your room when there was an event or when there were visitors and he needed eye candy.
his son, tooru, had been much kinder to you. he was a year older than you and was extremely attractive. you thought you would've fallen for him if you weren't already head over heels for akaashi.
tooru would sneak up to the tower you were locked in and bring you some food, knowing that they didn't feed you enough. you were eternally grateful for him and constantly let him know.
one day, though, tooru was earlier than he usually came and this time he was accompanied by two guards. you recognized one as iwaizumi, as he had also occasionally given you extra food, but the other one had pink hair and you weren't familiar with him.
"tooru, is everything alright?" you asked the taller male as you heard keys jingling in the cell's lock. you were sure there was no event tonight, since usually a handmaid would be the one at the door, never the prince. "did something happen?”
"i'll explain it to when you get out." his usually cheery voice was devoid of all emotion. the door swung open and you jumped back, startled. the two guards helped you stand up.
you were a bit wobbly on your feet, as you hadn't been let out in a month. the guards noticed though, and held you by your arms gently as you walked down the stairs.
a million thoughts rushed through your head as you descended down the tower. was koutarou alright? was this about your family or fukurodani? were you being sent to execution? tears welled up in your eyes at the last thought, knowing full well that the king was merciless enough to kill you for no reason.
when you had made it down the last flight of stairs, you were sat on a soft, plush couch which contrasted to the cold, hard stone floors in your tower. tooru sat in front of you with a somber expression.
"my father is dead. he died last night of natural causes." he said grimly. as much as you hated the king, he was still tooru's father and you couldn't help but sympathize with the grieving man. the king had taken so much from you, but your humanity was not one of them. "you can go back to your kingdom, now."
"tooru, i...i'm sorry about your father." he nodded, and you knew those weren't the right words to say. you couldn't grasp the idea that the king was dead and you were just stunned at the fact that you were free again. "when will your coronation be?"
"friday." he responded with not an ounce of emotion. his usually bright brown eyes were dull. you pitied the poor man and suddenly embraced him. he was surprised by this but didn't pull away. soon enough, soft sobs could be heard from him.
you had decided to stay until tooru's coronation and then head home. the brunette appreciated your thoughtfulness immensely and promised he would visit you whenever he would have the chance.
when you arrived to fukurodani, you were immediately swarmed by journalists and reporters on the docks. they asked questions about your time at seijoh and what it was like to marry an older guy like the late king. it was nerve-wracking to be surrounded by so many people after being isolated for so long and you felt your anxiety building up within you.
luckily your guards had gotten you out of their reach and now you were on your way to the palace. your home. where your family resided. where akaashi was.
keiji.
everyday for four years you had daydreamed of what your life would have been like if you had married him instead. everyday for four years you wished to see his face and hear his gentle voice. everyday for four years you longed to be in his embrace.
when you had stepped through the palace doors, you had immediately run into your brother's arms. the king had been surprised by your informal greeting, but hugged you back, as he had also missed his sibling.
one you had pulled away from koutarou's embrace, you caught sight of the familiar messy black hair and gun-metal blue eyes you had fallen in love with.
you ignored koutarou's protests as you sprinted into akaashi's arms, making the boyーer, manーgrunt from the force of impact and stumble a bit before catching himself from falling.
as a result of so many years of not getting enough human contact, you had become a touchy person, constantly hugging others or touching their hands or arms as if to remind yourself that they were real. that this wasn't some concocted reality. as if looking for comfort.
when akaashi wrapped his arms around you though, you felt a heat flood through your body. it made you feel human, after years of being treated lesser than a pet. it was like a warm blanket placed on your shoulders after jumping into a cold lake. it felt like the feeling of sipping hot cocoa near the fireplace after playing in the snow for hours.
it was like waking up from a bad dream.
akaashi felt you shaking, hearing you sob breathlessly between his arms and looked at you concernedly. but he noticed that you weren't crying because you were sad or scared, you were crying in relief.
he wondered how awful the king had treated you. it angered him that he could hurt you so much. you noticed akaashi's furrowed eyebrows and the dark look in his expressive eyes, telling him to relax because it was fine now. everything was good. you were okay. you were fine.
you were safe.
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luvdsc · 3 years
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Hey Cat!! I hope you're doing well as always ! 💖 AHHHH huhu I closed the form last Sunday since I've collected enough responses dy! (NOOOOOOOO ToT) I got a total of 221 responses at the end of the week, which is 3x the amount I initially needed! :o I'm beyond grateful and appreciative ToT I've cleaned the data and have proceeded to run some data analysis, but I ran into an issue whereby the scores on the subscales are equal (it has never been reported in past studies! :O) so I'm waiting for my supervisor's feedback on how to proceed. Hopefully it's nothing too serious ToT
Hehe finance is interesting indeed! I just started reading a book on finance for young adults (Rich Dad Poor Dad) and I look forward to learning more from the author's tips! The Coursera introductory course has also made financial terms a lil more familiar, even though it's just the basics and it's really helped w my financial literacy 🥺 I can push myself to study but it's also the numbers and calculations I'm worried of cuz I am rly a nong (idiot) when it comes to numbers * - * it runs in the genes I guess AHAHAHAHA my mom and sister aren't good at numbers either keke
Aww I'm glad yr professor made financial accounting enjoyable and a fruitful experience for you! Some lecturers / professors rly just have that spark in them to inspire ppl and I'm blessed to be surrounded by a bunch of em in the psych department!🥺😭 it truly makes a difference and I'm sure we both are living proofs of that!
After debating for a while, I've decided not to take a minor mainly because I'm so tired HAHAHAHAHAHA and I'll just do my own self-studying and exploration whilst working! Go out and explore the world, live life! Whilst ironically still staying in my room because of the COVID-19 situation in our country (cases are abt 20+k every day :') ) My proposal has been finalized and it's been accepted! It's just that some elements of my proposal is also part of my actual report, so I have some guidance to refer to in terms of structure! :3 and yes don't worry! I got plenty (sometimes a lil too much) rest during the sem break whilst remaining productive! Plus, I got to catch up w some friends and had game nights (maybe too much of game nights hehe) and movie nights w my friends which was truly refreshing! Also cuz I might not see a lot of them again after we graduate so we gotta cherish every moment 🥺😭
I'm a freelance graphic designer for my uni's newsletter! Occasionally, they'd ask us to create both the content and design! I'll place the link to my recent work below if you wanna check it out! UwU I'm trying to incorporate the same practices during sem break in my last sem (current sem) too! cuz yes mental health is so so important and I'm just tired of being academically tired you get me? :(
What makes me most trilled abt learning abt psychology is how to apply it in daily life too! I find it so fascinating and awestruck at how relatable and within reach these things are like wow we can be influenced in such ways?? :o can be both good and bad but imma stick w seeing it as the development and evolution of us humans UwU
Also, the vaccine has fixed my sleep schedule HEHE (another perk of getting vaccination :3) I got some rly good rest and managed to reset my usual sleeping time, thank you science ToT oooo I see I see, we've had cases of nurses injecting empty syringes hence the recording :( but GHIOGHWEOGIOHW I could never do that, I can feel the liquid entering me as it is so that's good enough ToT (* plays Love Talk * I can feel it coming)
OMG YOUR ART PIECES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, ADORABLE AND ELEGANT! 💖🥺🥰 it must've required a lot of hard-work and effort AHHH thankiew for showing me yr work!! it's truly unique in its own manner despite it's simplicity UwU is there a reason or backstory to yr chosen theme and objects? :3
I just Googled Somi Somi and omg that's such an UwU ice cream AHHHH 💖🥺😭 ice cream is my fav food of all time and it looks like an ice cream haven omg imagine eating it after a loooong hard day's of work ToT and OMG THE SATISFACTION OF EATING THAI MILK TEA ICE CREAM ON A HOT DAY YASSS 😋🤤 hehe if you get the chance to try milk & biscoff, do try it! It's amazing !😍 and ooo i haven't tried alcoholic ice cream before but I will one day!! :3 my alcohol tolerance is rly low though, will I get tipsy over alcoholic ice cream? We shall see UwU (i can only drink half a bottle of apple cider before my face gets red and I start getting a lil tipsy + headache)
and lovie....knowing yr school schedule now...OURS IS DEFINTELY BRUTAL OMG a 3 month long sem break huhu that's only the total amount of sem breaks we get in a year ToT i thought uni was hard but not that hard ToT
Always glad and honored to have you onboard! and AHAHAHAH the contractions about to start soon 👀 I enjoy talking to you huhu you're such a sweet and supportive person 💖🥺🥰😙 huhu for my period cramps, I've been having them since I was 12 ToT my doctor prescribed me some panadols but sometimes I can't even swallow them cuz I'd puke them out ToT I've settled w heatpacks to reduce my reliance on medicine, but I finally got some upgraded and safe to eat medicine from my gynae! She said it's fine to take it every month to keep my womb healthy and apparently my ms. lil uterus is suffering from inflammation, hence the super crazy bedridden cramps :( the upgraded medicine worked for a while, but after time it kinda didn't help either :/ but I realised that exercise rly does wonders to reduce the cramp too (gynae also recommended exercising) so i take walks and do my back stretches more frequently now! my period in the previous months (2 months ago) have been almost painless and bearable, it's so weird not seeing my bedridden ._. when I was in high school, there would always be a day in every month in which I don't attend classes, and that's solely because of my cramps. It just isn't worth suffering in school, plus we don't have a sick room :/ I hope the pain continues to subside! ToT
And ayy internship is also working experience, yr advice would be of great help to me regardless! 🥺 oh yes, I always remind myself that interviews are similar to the speaking test I took for my Cambridge English exams! That kinda help calm my nerves down a lil, but w nerves comes bigger smiles, so I guess it takes on a rather practical form of coping mechanism (sublimation) AHAHAHAHA
WAAAA WHAT A QUEEN you got an offer from every interview?? I aspire to be like you! 💖🥺🥰 huhu skill wise I believe I have lots to prepare esp in terms of case studies, and I perform rly poorly on certain assessments (*ehem * esp those concerning numbers) so I took the chance to study a lil during sem break too ToT but noted on that! I will work on that too and try to maintain that me element in interviews and overall just be myself keke
That's all from me for now! Imma wait for my supervisor's feedback and journey on w my last semester. Bon voyage! Link to my recent work: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTBqGzjr6sN/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Other works: https://www.instagram.com/p/CPpv-IyM7Gi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link https://www.instagram.com/p/CL55EG-MbL2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
hi hello honey bee !!! 💓 omg i'm so sorry for the belated response, i finally got on my laptop 😭 i'm gonna put my response under the cut since it got a little long 🤧
omg 221 responses !!!!! that's so many 🙀 congratulations aaaaa it's amazing that you were able to get 3x the data you needed !!! was it difficult to run data analysis? were you able to solve the issue with the equal scores on the subscales? i hope it didn't create too much additional work for you ):
omg yes finance is really interesting! i enjoyed the classes i took for it :') how is rich dad poor dad? did you learn a lot from it? i know it was a book my prof recommended, but i never got around to reading it 😶 did you learn any helpful tips? and ooo i'll have to look into coursera! yeah, there's quite a lot of terms for finance, and it can be a little intimidating paired with all the math formulas and such, but it's pretty useful imo! how are your financial studies going so far? 💕 omg nong is such a cute word?? i would never think it meant idiot asdkfhlkajsdf omg my whole family is good at numbers and really like math, but i didn't like it 😭 my mom made me study it a lot everyday though rip are the financial calculations getting easier for you as you practice more hopefully?
yessss omg i absolutely agree with this!!!! like you can just feel when a professor loves to teach and is genuinely so excited to talk about their subject, and it just makes the most boring horrible subject into something you learn to enjoy and hate less :') and i'm really happy to hear you have tons of professors like that in the psych department 🥺💗
that's great to hear!!!! 🌷🌷 i'm glad that you're prioritizing yourself and your health, which is so much more important than taking on a minor. what fun subjects have you decided to explore and self study so far? 💞 oh my gosh, the rising cases are so high?? i hope it's gotten better there for you ): are you able to go outside yet?
big congratulations on your proposal being finalized and accepted, lovebug !!!! 🥳🥳 i'm very proud of you and hoping one day i can read your published studies in a scientific journal :') aaaa i'm so glad to hear that you got to rest and enjoy your time with your friends!! i definitely feel that omg i regret all the times i skipped out on movie nights or game nights with my friends because now we're all scattered across the country and the only way we can have them again is over zoom calls 🤧
I SAW YOUR DESIGNS AND THEY'RE GORGEOUS OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH !!!! 💖 I'M IN AWE AAAA IF PSYCH DOESN'T WORK OUT, I HOPE YOU BECOME A GRAPHIC DESIGNER 🤩🤩💖 and yes i totally get it ): i really felt the academic burn out when i was in college and it was really difficult at times 🤧 but i hope it's going better for you nowadays, sweetpea 💝💝
omg yeah i absolutely agree !!!! whenever i read about psychology, i keep it in the back of my mind and then when i see something irl that relates to it, i'm like :O amazing. it's so cool to learn about different psych tricks too and see how it works when you test them out yourself and whatnot. and it's really crazy to see how the human brain is so easily influenced at times ??? it truly is an amazing subject !!!
ah what a great side benefit of the vaccine - a better sleep schedule 🤩 i'm happy to hear that your schedule has been fixed 💘 and omg what ??? they're injecting empty syringes wth ????? 😭 that's absolutely horrible, are they getting sued?? lmaooooo that love talk reference askdfhlaksjd
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR KIND COMPLIMENTS 😭😭💗💗 there were many late hours spent in the art studio to finish them, but i'm really happy with the end products :') i thought light bulbs are an interesting subject to do, and my prof said that cutting out circular objects or sculpting them is the most difficult since they're made up curves and not straight lines and i was like ok bet i'm gonna do it aND I'M SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THEM 🥺 and i love honey bees !!! that's why i decided to paint them and we were supposed to paint them in a combined style of two artists so i tried monet's impressionist style with the short brush strokes and pop art triptych style like marjorie strider 💕
somi somi is sooo good and i just had it again a couple weeks ago :') omg ice cream is your favorite food? :o and YES ice cream is so satisfying after a long day of hard work, like it's such a nice reward to look forward to at the end of day ✨ aaaaa i have to try thai milk tea ice cream one day now !!!!! it sounds amazing 🤩 and YES i must look for places that sell milk & biscoff ice cream !! i have milk ice cream from somi somi, but i need to try to combined flavors 💘 i don't think you'll get tipsy over it !!! it's a really faint taste of alcohol, like i didn't even notice it at first, and i don't think they put very much of it in there! aksljdfhals omg you're a lightweight :o at least that means you save money on alcohol LOL i need like nine shots to get drunk 🤧
your school is too hard 😭 you need more than just 3 months of break !!! 😡 we get a week off for thanksgiving in fall semester and a week off for spring break in spring semester too and then the month long winter break and three month summer break. and we have the one day holidays off too like labor day, memorial day, etc. i can't believe they give you so little time off after working so hard???
asdfhlkajshdlksja loool are the contractions over yet? has it been born? what's the current status, doctor? 👀 i really enjoy talking to you too !!! i'm very sorry for the late responses, work is really taking over all of my time, and i never have enough time to get on my laptop to reply to my asks 😭 and thank you for saying such kind things about me 🥺🥺💝 oh my gosh, i'm so sorry to hear that you have such terrible cramps 😭 i can't even imagine going through that - mine are nowhere near as horrible 😖 do the heatpads help a lot? i'm relieved to hear that you were prescribed better medication though! but yeah, your body does eventually get used to the medication and you have to continue taking stronger meds for it to work, but that's not a very healthy solution /: but i'm really glad to hear that exercise has been helping out a lot!! 💖 hurray for almost painless and bearable periods 🥳 i'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that in high school ): that sounds absolutely horrible 😭 periods are just awful, but it's like i'm grateful that i have my period because that means i'm not pregnant, but also please go away aslkhdfaklsj
omg what was the speaking test for the cambridge english exams like? :o it sounds so formal and a lil intimidating askdjfhalsd do you know of any psych tricks that can possibly help calm your nerves? :')
aaaa yes i did !! i was really surprised that i got an offer from them all because at the time, i was not in the right major and i think i was one of the most underqualified applicants 🤧 one person who interviewed me asked why i withdrew from my engr physics class and i explained it in a kinda funny way but in my head, i was like "oof i'm not gonna get this offer anymore" but then he laughed at my response and told me about how his prof told him he should drop a guitar class he was taking because he was doing very poorly and we bonded over that aklsjdhfkals omg how do interviews for psych jobs go? do you have to discuss a lot of case studies? do they give you a list of possible case studies they'll ask about? :o what sort of assessments do you have to do? good luck on all of your interviews, honey bee 💛 i'm rooting for you, you're gonna do amazing !!!! 💘
omg what did your supervisor say about your case study? and how is your last semester going? are you almost done now? 🌸 (also how have you been? what have you been up to? thank you for taking the time to leave such detailed messages for me, i'm really excited to see all the fun updates in your life, lovebug 🌷🌷)
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moriavis · 4 years
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My first prompt to you! Um um okay -thinks- OH, uh, if you'd like, Coldflash, biker gang!au? 50s, modern, or futuristic! Up to you ^-^ Maybe they're in opposing gangs and form an alliance? Maybe Barry's their science guy who Len takes an interest in? Maybe Barry's a new meta that the Rogues gang take an interest in recruiting? -flails- I dunnoooo >.
Ha. Ha. OMG, so this has apparently been sitting in my askbox for two years I’M SO SORRY.
Do I have more prompts that are two years or older? Yes. Yes, I do. I’m trying, guys.
For now, I hope you all enjoy this one! Welcome to a No Powers AU where motorcycles are only mentioned sparingly, and everything is PG. ^^; (Also on AO3)
~*~
Everyone in Central City knew to leave the Rogues out of the races. They were intense, unpredictable, and you were more likely to crash your bike trying to avoid their stunts than lose the pink slip fair and square. They brought too much attention to the scene. 
Even Cisco agreed, and he was so into Lisa that aliens could see it from space.
Despite the unanimous exclusion, Barry wasn't entirely surprised when the Rogues showed up at the Friday races anyway. "Told you they wouldn't stick to the ban," Oliver murmured.
Barry shrugged. "The Lian Yu team didn't like it either, but they learned." 
He folded his arms over his chest and cocked his head to the side as he counted them. Lisa, of course, with an uncustomary sulk on her narrow, gorgeous face; Mardon, easily recognizable with his visor popped up; Rosa Dillon, popping gum loudly as she inspected her nails.
Sara swaggered up to Barry and stood at Oliver's side. "You want me to take care of them?"
Barry shook his head. "No. They're a Central group. They'd be offended if outsiders read them the rulesheet."
Sara snorted and rolled her eyes. "Territorial bastards, all of you."
Barry laughed and ran his hand through his hair. "We're not all that bad. Square up. We're doing this the right way." 
The three of them gathered together in a triangle, and Sara said, "On three. One. Two. Three."
Oliver beat Barry's paper with scissors, and Barry scowled good-naturedly as he turned to Sara for the second round and lost again, rock to paper.
"Cheer up, kiddo," Sara said, reaching up on tiptoes to ruffle Barry's hair. "They wouldn't have wanted us to be the ones to send them away."
Barry sighed and turned to the Rogues, who—bizarrely—had stayed back patiently, as if they were waiting for someone.
Barry straightened his shoulders, took a deep breath, and walked toward Lisa. "We don't want any trouble with you."
"If it were up to me, we wouldn't be here." Lisa folded her arms over her chest, her glare intensifying.
Barry folded his arms over his chest. "It's not up to you?"
The sound of an engine cut through the air, and he turned to meet the newcomer—his bike was a gorgeous and sleek Ducati, painted in blues and silvers. Barry was impressed despite himself. Whoever the newcomer was sure had a sense of style.
From the corner of his eye, he saw Lisa's scowl morph into an amused grin, and then the new rider kicked the stand down and pulled off their helmet. 
Barry's breath caught in his throat. He was frozen, catapulted instantly back to the past, where he was fifteen and everything he wanted was encapsulated in the man next door who always had motorcycle grease on his hands.
His palms were sweaty. He wasn't even wearing his good jeans, and he was going to kill Lisa.
"Hey, Lenny." Barry's voice was weak and thready, but he didn't even care, butterflies coming to life in his stomach with a surge of nerves. The narrow blue hazel eyes. The smirk. Oh, god, he'd started going silver.
Leonard gave Barry a slow once over, and Barry gravitated a step or two closer. "It's been a minute, kid."
Barry licked his lips, his heart pounding like a drum. "Yeah, it's… I didn't even know you were back."
"Trainwreck's been blowing up my phone over this racing gig you've got going on. Thought I'd come see what the excitement was all about." He got off his bike and dangled his helmet off one of the handlebars before he turned his attention back to Barry. He stepped closer, and his voice was low in a way that sent shivers down Barry's spine when he spoke again. "Maybe you and I can come to an arrangement."
Barry jerked his head to point out Oliver and Sara. "The arrangement has to make sense to them, too."
Leonard shot them a dismissive glance and fastened his attention back on Barry. "Let 'em race. I'll keep them under control, and anyone who gets too frisky is out. Cross my heart." He drew an X over his heart and smiled, the slow curl of his lips leaving Barry reeling.
Without a word, Barry turned on his heel and walked back over to Oliver and Sara. 
"Rawr." Sara arched her eyebrow. "You okay there, Barry? You look like you've been hit by a truck."
"Whatever he said to you, the answer's no." Oliver said, crossing his arms over his chest and glowering past Barry.
Barry gathered himself together with a small shake of his head. "He said that if we let them race, he'll keep them following the rules. He'll take care of anyone who doesn't."
"And you believe him?" Sara asked.
Barry nodded. "Lisa and Len were my neighbors growing up. Lisa's a bit out there, but Len kind of keeps her under control. Mostly."
"Mostly." Oliver frowned. "Yeah, that's exactly what I like to hear about the group that almost got us all arrested."
"I trust him, Ollie," Barry said firmly, narrowing his eyes. "I mean, yeah, chances are Lisa dragged him back to Central because I'm more likely to listen to him, but it'll backfire. She hates being under his thumb."
"That'll be interesting," Sara said, shooting another look toward the Rogues.
"Fine," Oliver spat. "Fine. But only because I trust you." Barry beamed at Oliver, who scowled for good measure and turned back to his bike. 
Now that they all agreed, Barry went back to Len. "Okay. They can rejoin. Keep your promise, or they'll be ejected permanently this time."
Axel whooped, punching Mark's shoulder in excitement, and Lisa shook her head, sauntering up to Len's side. "Guess I should've pulled out the big guns months ago."
Barry pursed his lips as he looked at Lisa, but he couldn't find anything else to say, so he just shook his head. "No funny business this time, okay?"
Lisa smiled another one of her enigmatic smiles, and then turned back to the other Rogues. "We're free to mingle, ladies and gentlemen. Have fun, and remember to behave."
It was going to be a disaster.
Barry sighed softly to himself and headed back to his own bike. It took a second for him to realize that Len was walking along with him. Barry turned just enough to see Len without stopping. "Are you racing?"
"Depends," Len said easily, giving Barry that crooked smile that he loved way too much. "Is the Scarlet Speedster going to be on the track?"
"Ugh, you've heard that one, too?"
Len shrugged. "I like the alliteration."
"Well, the answer is no," Barry said firmly. "Not tonight, at least." He steered them away from the noise of the crowd as the races began in earnest, and stole another look. "How long are you staying?"
"Haven't decided yet. 'M staying long enough to make Lisa regret asking me to come back." They laughed together at that, and then fell quiet, watching as Shawna won her race against Zari. Len cleared his throat, and Barry startled, embarrassed that he was so hyper aware of Len, even after all these years. "Lisa told me you went to college in Keystone."
"Uh. Yeah. Aced my classes, too."
"Should I be hurt that you didn't visit me?"
Barry rubbed his hand over his face. Fifteen minutes, and Len was already pulling out all the embarrassing feelings he'd had when he was sixteen. His flustered, agitated longing. He stole another look at Len and promptly flushed when he realized Len was looking at him. 
"You know why," he whispered. "You know why I didn't visit."
Len stared at Barry for another long minute, and then nodded once, short and sharp. "Okay."
"Okay," Barry echoed, although he didn't really know what okay was in this context. "Great. It's been nice seeing you again."
"Are you still living with the Wests?"
Barry startled again and fought the urge to just throw up his hands and walk away. This was stupid. He was stupid. He was supposed to be done with this a decade ago, and it was freaking impossible, how Leonard Snart just breezed into his life and made him a skittish teenager all over again. "No, I've… I've got my own place."
Len nodded again, a thoughtful look crossing his face. "Do you remember the stink eye Joe used to give Lisa when I brought her over to play with you and Iris?"
"No," Barry said honestly. "Joe was never the one I was looking at."
Len swallowed and looked down at his feet. "Barry, I—"
"Can we just—not do this now?" Barry interrupted, running his hand through his hair as he looked away, toward the next race that was setting up. "I'm embarrassed and we're in public, and I don't want to talk about anything tonight."
"Okay," Len agreed, and Barry was grateful that he could at least follow the flow of his thoughts this time. "Give me your address, and I'll come around. Wednesday, maybe?"
Something blue-screened in Barry's head, and he heard himself say, "Sure. Bring dinner. Pizza or something."
Leonard shot him a cautious—almost grateful?—look and nodded. "I can do that. Wednesday, then."
There was a low droning in Barry's ears as he held out his hand for Len's cell and accessed his contacts. It grew into static when Barry realized Len still had his old number programmed, and he wondered with a brief flash of alarm if he was just going to have a panic attack right here.
Somehow, shockingly, he managed to give Len his phone back and then walked away, toward the other side of the long stretch of road they currently occupied, all like he was a perfectly normal person who knew where his body was. Someone handed him a beer, and he twisted the top off, staring at Len from a distance. His focus was intent on the current race, and Barry struggled to take a calm breath.
"He could pick me up without breaking a sweat," he breathed.
"You better believe it," Lisa said with a laugh, and Barry jolted back to himself in surprise. "You're still a beanpole, honey."
"I can't believe you told him to come back, Lise. He should've had nothing to do with this."
Lisa pouted, twirling her long, dark hair around her finger. "Can't a girl feel bad? It's an apology."
Barry turned to face her, a frown pulling at his mouth. "It's a fucking mind game, and I don't appreciate it."
Lisa dropped the pout. "Maybe I want you guys to be happy together. Ever think of that?"
Barry raked his hand through his hair. "If you brought him back just for me, I'd say you're crueler than I thought you were."
Lisa raised her hand to his shoulder, pausing when he shrugged her off before she even touched him. "Barr, listen—"
"I'm fresh out of ears tonight," Barry admitted. "I'm going to head home. Just… please. Stop trying to help me, okay?"
Lisa's mouth twisted into another small pout, but she nodded and stepped away.
Barry caught Oliver''s eye and silently let him know he was going, and then he went to his bike, unclipping his helmet and straddling the seat with a surge of relief. There was nothing like being on his Triumph—maybe some time out on the road would help clear his head.
He revved the engine once and spun around to face the road. Another second, and it was just him and his bike and the asphalt beneath his wheels.
No Leonard Snart needed. 
~*~
Come Wednesday, of course, he was a wreck.
Barry woke up too early, a headache pounding in his temples and a message from STAR Labs about one of the laboratory samples he'd processed the day before. Running into work at least shifted his anxiety from Len into a more tolerable work anxiety, and he was able to focus on the lab's backlog of testing samples.
Around six, he got his first text from Len, a simple: Name the time and your pizza toppings.
He needed time to get home and take a shower, and he was about to ask for pepperoni when it occurred to him that it was pork. 8pm and a veggie lovers?
You remembered. :)
Barry took a deep breath and pressed the phone to his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut. That little smiley face was going to end him. 
Of course. See u later.
Concentration thoroughly shot, Barry turned to some paperwork that needed to be filed and used the rest of his shift to get caught up. He skipped out a little early so he could take a shower before Len came over, and then burned some of his restless energy by picking up around his apartment.
At 8pm exactly, there was a knock on the door. Barry counted to five so he didn't seem so eager, and then answered it. Len was dressed down, in dark jeans and one of those moisture-wick long-sleeved shirts, and a chill of sheer want raced down Barry's spine. Just as Len promised, he was balancing a pizza box and a six pack of beer in his hands.
"Hey," Barry said, like he wasn't falling apart at the seams just from seeing Len again.
"Hey." The corner of Len's mouth curled, and Barry stepped aside to let him in.
"I'll get plates," he said unnecessarily, and he stole a minute to get himself under control as he got plates and napkins. "Get it together, Barry. You can spend one night catching up with him."
Hardly satisfied, Barry grabbed everything and headed back into the living room.
The first few minutes were quiet as they got their food and drinks and started in. Barry was trying to avoid looking at Len without looking like he was trying to avoid looking at Len, and he wasn't entirely sure how successful he was.
After two slices of pizza were eaten in the awkward silence, Len cleared his throat. "What is it that the Central City Citizens do?"
Barry grinned, relaxing against the couch as Len brought up a safe topic. "We do coast to coast drives, some charity. I really want to become a local chapter of BACA, but we have to ride with them for a year before they'll consider us."
Something in Len's face lightened as Barry talked, and he looked down at his plate, fiddling with a bit of leftover crust. "So you don't participate in turf wars."
Barry rolled his eyes. "Len. Of course I don't. We have a zero tolerance policy on drug running and murder. The Rogues even mostly agreed. The races we have aren't exactly legal, although it's a good way to blow off steam and kind of have fun together."
Len nodded, setting his plate on the coffee table and turning his full attention back on Barry. "What got them pushed to the sidelines?"
Barry set his plate down and mirrored Len's position, resting his arm on the armrest of the couch as he curled his foot beneath him. "They're thieves and sometimes they make bad decisions that reflect on the rest of us. Mark and Axel decided to rob a bank and go on a high speed joy ride. Got the attention of the CCPD, and then led them almost directly to the rest of us."
Len frowned. "Looks like they aren't serving any time."
Barry shook his head. "Lise has contacts with some lawyers around town. She got it thrown out of court on a technicality. Which, fine, I don't have any hard feelings. But I will stop their behavior from jeopardizing the rest of us."
Len smiled again and nodded in agreement. "I'm proud of you, kid."
"I'm not a kid," Barry said fiercely, meeting Len's eyes. "And I didn't do it for you."
"Touche." Len cocked his head, turning on the laser-focus that Barry had sometimes envied when it wasn't directly pointed at him. "How are you, Barry?"
"I'm fine." Barry met Len's gaze straight on—he wasn't a child anymore, and he wasn't afraid of looking at someone just because he was attracted to them. "Iris is a reporter now. Lisa still comes over for Sunday dinner at the West house. You're the one who left."
"I didn't leave because of you—"
"It sure felt like it!" And there it was, the hurt and embarrassment bubbling to the surface like a lanced wound, the way it always did when he thought of Leonard. "I told you how I felt, and you were practically gone in a week."
Len sighed. "It was bad timing, but I can't say I was sorry about the way things worked out. You were sixteen. What was I supposed to do?"
Barry bolted to his feet. "I love you!" The words dropped like stones between them, leaving ripples of shock in their wake. "Loved." Barry's voice cracked, and he desperately hoped that lightning would just strike him dead where he stood. "I loved you. You could have at least said goodbye. I'd earned that, at least."
Len looked away from Barry, staring at the carpet with a distant, thoughtful look in his eye. "You're right. You did. I'm not perfect, Barry. Sometimes people just screw up."
Barry sighed and turned away from Len, crossing his arms over his chest. "I thought I was over it. That I was over you. And you just waltz back in and turn me inside out like it's nothing."
"It's not nothing." The couch creaked as Len stood, and he took hold of Barry's elbow, turning him around with a gentle touch. His eyes were so dark. 
Barry swallowed and struggled to find his courage. "Don't look at me like that. Not unless you're going to do something about it."
Len stared at Barry and raised his hand, brushing his fingertips against Barry's cheek. It sent shivers racing down his neck, goosebumps rising against his skin. "You're always so impatient."
"I know," Barry admitted. "It's something I've been trying to work on." His fingers twitched at his side. "And maybe there's nothing between us. Maybe it's all been built up in my head for so long that real life can't possibly match up—"
Len pressed his fingers to Barry's mouth, halting the flow of words. "I'm going to kiss you now, if that's okay."
Barry responded by stepping into Len's space, curling his fingers around Len's shoulders and pulling him in. It shouldn't have been good—their lips met a little off center, and Len tasted like pizza and beer, but then Len's hand settled into a solid weight against the small of Barry's back, drawing him in, and the heat of Len's body soaked into Barry in a way that made him want to melt.
Len pulled away first, and Barry licked his lips, dropping his head to Len's shoulder in defeat. "Shit," he said wretchedly.
"What?" Len asked, cupping his hand over Barry's nape and stroking the sensitive skin with his thumb.
"I'm so into you," Barry confessed, and he startled when Len began to laugh.
"Really?" Len's voice was rich with warmth and surprise. "When were you going to tell me? I had no idea."
"I can't believe you're mocking me!" Barry protested, raising his head to glare at Len, who pulled him in and pressed a gentle kiss to Barry's jaw that made him melt again. "You're not fair." He turned his face to try to steal another kiss, and paused. "We can't tell Lisa about this."
"We'll play it cool," Len agreed. "It'll drive her crazy."
Barry stepped away and looked earnestly at Len. "I'll slow down. I'll wait until you're comfortable."
Len averted his eyes, his gaze skittering over the coffee table. "I ain't Grandma Esther's china, Barry."
Barry laughed, soft and embarrassed. "Okay. I take your point. Let me put it this way instead. The Diamonds are playing against the Starlings tonight. Do you want to stay and watch?"
Len smiled, so fast Barry would've missed it if he hadn't been watching like a hawk, and nodded. "Sounds good."
"Just so you know," Barry said as they settled back against the sofa and he turned the TV on, "they're going to get absolutely dusted."
Len shot him a glower. "Those are fighting words. You wanna go?"
Barry smiled until Len turned his attention toward the game. A warm, fizzy sort of hope bubbled in his chest. Maybe this time, he'd be lucky.
~*~
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crimsonrae · 4 years
Text
Across the Road, At the Brothel
Chapter Ten
Summary: Jaskier fell in love any day that the sun rose in the East. It was a trifling, pleasurable experience for him. Even when he was jumping out a window to avoid cuckolded husbands. So what happens when his trifles start to become more significant? Jaskier/OC. Some Yennefer/Geralt
A/N: Jaskier is just too adorable not to write about. This is a relationship development story with an OC. There will be smut in later chapters and plenty of angst.
Rating: Mature
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Simple and Complex
"Twas early one morning a fair maid arose,
And slipped away with her lover's clothes,
And off to the fields a sure she goes
With naught e'na kiss in the morning early."
An unwilling smile pulled at Lyrra's lips as she smothered a sigh and attempted to pay her bard no mind. She finished hanging a few freshly laundered shirts and trousers as she listened to his approach. She had slipped out of her cottage long before Jaskier had woken. A basket of laundry in hand as she went to the stream – Geralt had roused enough from his place by her hearth to note her exit but seemed incline to rest longer himself. She was grateful for the solitude. It gave her a chance to gather her thoughts and calm the whirlwind that Jaskier had incited in her. She needed the distance and the time to figure out -
"Are you really just going to ignore me?"
Him.
Lyrra glanced around the shirt she was pinning up with a raised brow to see him standing proudly with his hands on his hips, "Did you say something?"
Jaskier narrowed his gaze at her in an odd mix of exasperation and amusement, "Lyrra."
"Jaskier." She intoned and bit back a smirk as he huffed.
A sly glint entered his eyes as he began to sing again.
"The bard arose and he discovered her sin,
His heart and his song composed quite the din."
Lyrra could not help the faint laugh that left her as she listened to him. Puckish amusement danced in his blue orbs as he sidled up next to her and slid an arm around her waist.
"And he had the will for to greet her so slim
With a kiss in the morning early."
She didn't need the last line of his song to see the kiss coming. A quiet sigh left her as she welcomed his familiar embrace. Her skin still tingled with the memory of their coupling and the calm she had achieved was swiftly thwarted by his touch. Reluctantly, she pulled away.
Jaskier smiled contentedly at her, "Good morning."
"It's afternoon, you slept the morning away." Lyrra replied lightly as she moved her basket under the tree her clothesline was tethered on, "And I'm rather sure those aren't the words to that song."
"Ehh, I'm a bard, pretty much gives me free rein to change the words." Jaskier shrugged. His keen eyes cataloged her every move, "You should've slept the morning away too. You were up as long as I was."
As if to prove his point, Lyrra found herself swallowing a yawn. In all actuality, she had been up longer than he had. Her mind had not been able to let the events of the night settle and her dreams had taken a dark turn once she had drifted off. She still wasn't sure what had come over her in that bathing chamber, she was never that bold. Yet, bold was the only way to describe her actions from the time he entered until...well. A blush rose to her cheeks and she could see a salacious grin crossing Jaskier's lips from her periphery at the sight. He knew well where her mind had gone.
"Stop it." She murmured lowly, refusing to look in his direction.
"Stop what?" His tone dripped with quiet laughter.
"You know what." She glowered faintly at him and wished that she still had a few shirts to pin to the line, if only to have something to do besides stare at him.
He tilted his head and his mirthful smile continued to tease her as he said, "You are adorably shy in the light of day. I do hope that I never make you stop blushing."
It was her turn to huff, "Jaskier."
He chuckled quietly and reached for her again, "Now what happened to the woman who had her wicked way with me last night, hmm?"
Lyrra was sure her face was scarlet now at his words as she allowed him to draw her close again, "She came to her senses."
"That sounds...not good." Jaskier murmured as he tilted her chin up and frowned bemusedly at her, "I suppose it's time we actually have that talk."
Lyrra shifted awkwardly under his gaze as she ruefully wondered which talk he was referring to, their tryst or her back. Neither was a conversation she particularly wanted to have, if for completely different reasons. She had been grateful when the topic had fallen to the wayside upon returning to her cottage.
She forced a smile when she realized she was taking too long to respond, "That talk."
"Yes, the one you've been trying to figure out how to avoid since I brought it up last night." Jaskier uttered faintly amused as she looked away somewhat sheepishly and bit back a sigh, "Believe it or not, not a conversation I want to have either, but as fun, as our little dance has been... we do need to -"
He waved his hand about as he tried to find the right words. Lyrra took pity on him as her smile turned a little more genuine, "Clear the air? Create some boundaries? Form an understanding?"
Jaskier nodded, "Yes, that. That would be good."
Lyrra stifled a giggle as she saw her nerves reflected in his expression. It amazed her how he could go from unerringly confident to uncertain in a matter of seconds, especially around her. She was not someone to be nervous around. Her fingers itched with the need to touch him, reassure him. The impulse to soothe his quiet anxiety was strong and unexpected. She wasn't a tactile person by any means, she usually went out of her way to avoid being touched. Jaskier was her opposite in this manner, he felt everything, like an overgrown toddler. He picked up, played, listened, and sometimes tasted everything with which he came into contact. He took comfort in touch, she knew this implicitly.
As if to prove her unspoken point, he seemed to sense her reluctance and reached out to caress her cheek, "What is it? Talk to me."
"It's nothing – I just...I tend to get carried away with you."
Jaskier raised a brow as he prodded her to continue, "And that's a bad thing?"
"It's not like me." She mumbled quietly and resisted the urge to fidget. She didn't know how to explain to him the maelstrom he made her feel. How she found him both comforting and disconcerting. How she allowed him more liberties than anyone since...since ever.
"Again, that's a bad thing?" He was more curious now than concerned. Jaskier had been far from surprised when he had woken to find her gone... simply disappointed. He was quickly beginning to learn that avoidance was his lover's instinctual response to anything that made her -
"It's an uncomfortable thing." Lyrra grimaced.
Uncomfortable. He smiled gently at her, at least she was somewhat aware of her tendencies, "You know, I typically don't do serious."
Lyrra blinked at the strange segue, "Really? Hadn't noticed."
He bit back a laugh at her dry tone as he made his point, "Serious is complicated and boring and messy. I like easy and fun, simple... but you, my lovely Lyrra, you are very complicated and serious. But I can say with absolute certainty you are not boring. You make me curious."
She merely stared at him still unsure where he was going with his little lecture.
"Curious. Confused. Uncomfortable." Jaskier answered placing a special emphasis on that last word, "No, strike that – you don't make me uncomfortable; you make me uncertain. None of that is necessarily a bad thing, you know?"
"Hasn't been my experience." Lyrra replied softly.
"No, I suppose it hasn't." His fingers brushed across her back and the brand he now knew rested there and she tensed at the reminder, "I don't think that I make you uncomfortable, either. I think it's that you enjoy yourself with me that discomfits you. Tell me you didn't enjoy yourself last night."
Her cheeks burned and she couldn't meet his eyes as she fumbled for a response, "I... you know, I did."
"Do you want to do it again?" He asked quietly and linked his fingers with hers.
Lyrra felt her stomach flutter at the question as she tried vainly to ignore the heat that rushed through her veins, "...yes."
"So do I." He murmured softly and unconsciously leaned into her, "Is that really so unsettling?"
Her grey eyes were drawn to his lips, "...yes. You unsettle me, Jaskier."
"How?"
"I crave you. I've known you barely a fortnight." Lyrra whispered, not missing the desirous look that entered his eyes at her words, "And I crave your kisses and your touch... even your voice. I don't crave people. I don't know what to do with you."
"I think you know exactly what to do with me." He couldn't help the tease that left his tongue even as she hit his arm, "Ow."
Vaguely annoyed, she attempted to pull away from him again, but he refused to let her step back. "Alright, okay. I'm sorry. I don't do serious, remember? It's just... this doesn't have to be hard, it can be simple."
Lyrra sighed frustrated, "Nothing about this is simple."
"Only because you're making it complicated." Jaskier pointed out somewhat humorously, "We already agreed to not get married and after last night, I think we're agreed we can't be merely friends. Especially, since we both admitted we want a repeat..." His words slowly caught up with him and he offered her an acknowledging nod, "Right, we may be a little complicated."
Lyrra snorted and shook her head at him. He was utterly ridiculous and she adored it despite herself, "Let me make this simple. I like you, Jaskier. That's simple. You like me back, that's simple too. Last night was great and yes, I want it to happen again, but I'm not sure that it should."
"Why?" He breathed the questioned startled.
The possibility of them not continuing their affair had not occurred to the bard, she could see that plainly and sighed again, "In a day, a week, sometime rather soon you're going to be gone, Jaskier... And I don't - I don't want to miss you."
He looked like he had been struck and Lyrra tried not to wince under his stare or to follow after him when he stepped away. She felt cold at his abrupt distance. Perhaps, she had worded that too harshly. Guilt twisted in her gut as she silently pleaded with him to understand what she couldn't say.
"Right." A bitter laugh escaped him, "Oh, avoidance should really be your middle name, Lyrrana."
"Jaskier-"
"No." He shook his head and cut her off, "You don't want to miss me? That's shit, if ever I heard it. Let's reword that, shall we? What you really mean to say is: Jaskier, you're going to hurt me, so let's not even bother."
A stone sank with a ferocious crash in her stomach as his words and gaze scolded her like an unruly child. She wanted to be angry with him, but he wasn't entirely wrong. She stared helplessly, not sure how to respond or even if she should.
"Yeah, that's what I thought. I really should've rented that room for us last night." He murmured almost sadly, "I'm not going to hurt you, Lyrra."
She swallowed tightly, "I know..."
"Do you?!" His disbelief seared her and she found she couldn't meet his gaze any longer, "Do I scare you, Lyrra? Last night did I -"
"No. No, Jaskier." Lyrra interrupted before he could finish his question, "I wanted last night. You didn't push me or force me."
Jaskier stared at her as he replayed everything he had said and done in that bathing chamber. A slow realization began to creep on him, "But I did scare you."
"No."
Despite the certainty in her voice, he knew it was a lie. It wasn't physical intimacy that was causing Lyrra's hesitance over their affair, it was emotional, "I did. When I saw your back. When I demanded you let me in, I scared you."
Lyrra's lips tightened into a thin line as she glared at him, "No."
Jaskier didn't seem to hear her as he muttered, "How am I attracted to the most emotionally stunted people on the bloody Continent?"
"Jaskier." She sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose, "Can we forget this conversation and go back to where you kissed me good morning?"
He looked as frustrated as she felt as he, in turn, uttered, "No. I promised you last night we go at your pace, not mine... I'll see if I can get my room back at the inn."
"You don't have to." Lyrra started softly.
Jaskier forced a smile at her and she hated it, "Yeah, I do. I think we both need our space. Simpler this way."
She went to protest further, but he cut her off once again.
"Oh...one more thing." A determined expression marred his visage as he swept back into her space and pressed his lips to hers. Lyrra gasped faintly at the sudden contact and he stole the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Unconsciously, her hands rose to tangle in his hair as he backed her against the trunk of the tree. A fiery thrill rushed through her veins as coherent thought left her and all she could do was cling to him as she simply felt.
She felt his warmth and the subtle strength in his body as he pressed against her. She felt his almost desperate grip on her hips and tasted his passion as he took his fill. He hadn't kissed her like this before... He was usually gentle, curious, searching, but this was demanding, almost possessive, it was dizzying. It wasn't until she completely melted into his touch that he pulled away and pressed his head to hers.
A smug gleam sparkled in his eyes, "That's what I thought too."
Utter confusion descended on Lyrra as she stared at him, "What?"
His smile was even smugger, "The thing about having this talk is that declaring our intentions goes both ways. I'll stay at the inn, but I fully intend to end up back in your bed and if I happen to fall into your heart, all the better. You don't get to ignore me. You don't get to be afraid of me, Lyrra. I'm not that scary."
No, he was terrifying.
He stole one more kiss before starting his trek to the cottage. Lyrra was left bewildered to stare after him. She shouted out the only thing that came to mind before he got too far, "This is far from simple!"
Jaskier spun on his heel and grinned, "Yeah, but I already told you – you're complicated. And I like you. Besides, I'm not that easy to get rid of, ask Geralt."
He disappeared around the bend a second later and Lyrra covered her face in disbelief, "He's absolutely mad."
»»————-  ————-««
Geralt felt a headache coming on as he headed back towards the woods. Enough time had passed since he had last checked the clearing that whoever had created the mutated fleders would have had the chance to find their corpses. He hoped anyway. Otherwise, he would need to figure out another way to track down those creature's creator and that meant spending more time in the Toussaint countryside than he was comfortable. Especially, now that Jaskier and Lyrra were...
He didn't know what the fuck those two were doing.
Which in part was why he had a headache now. Jaskier had been gathering his things when he had left the cottage, muttering under his breath about being drawn to emotionally constipated people.
Geralt didn't ask.
He would really rather not know.
What he had gleaned was that they were getting rooms at the inn. Despite his earlier protestations about overstaying their welcome in Lyrra's home, he wasn't looking forward to dealing with the general populace again. He pushed the thought aside as he moved quietly through the brush. The smell of rot had only become heavier in the days that followed and he no longer needed to follow his tracks back to the clearing. The other change was the faint buzzing of flies that filled his ears. The fleders decomp had attracted more insects. His teeth clenched as he resigned himself to the fact that the creator of the two beasts either had not bothered to look for them or the corpses hadn't been discovered yet.
There certainly hadn't been any talk amongst the locals about the discovery of two fleder corpses. He sighed as he stepped fully out of the woods and casually observed the clearing again. The flesh was almost completely gone from the fleders now... wait...fleder. One. Geralt tilted his head and eyed the shadows behind the first corpse. He wasn't mistaken there was only one body now. The other was gone.
He strode forward and bent to study the ground. There were drag marks, but that could have been from an animal dragging the body away for food. Yet, he found that scenario unlikely. Most scavengers could sense a potentially dangerous meal. The venom the fleder created would likely have made it toxic to any creature that attempted to eat it.
More silently than he had entered the clearing, he exited following the tracks. Even then, he could have followed his nose the stench was so bad. Whoever or whatever had come to claim the body had done so recently. It wasn't long before he stumbled onto a narrow path.
The trees had thinned and he could make out neatly organized rows of barren grape vines through the foliage. He must have been on the edge of one of the vineyards. Frowning, he continued on his hunt. Geralt noted the unnatural stillness in the air as he walked. He heard no birds or little critters scurrying through the brush. There were no distant sounds of farmhands, not even a breeze of wind to stir the leaves. A familiar twinge in his gut had him ill at ease, he wasn't the only predator afoot.
He must have walked a quarter-mile when he did finally hear it. It was low and shrill like an out of tune string on a lute. A song. Someone was singing. His twinge turned into a solid sinking instinct as he had a good assumption of what he was about to discover. His hand twitched for his sword as he dimly realized he had not brought the silver one with him. He had anticipated a human threat, not a monster. Geralt knew he had a choice to make – he could continue on and have his assumptions proven correct, but be ill-equipped to deal with the threat or he could head back and return later to a threat that had potentially disappeared.
Sighing quietly, he drew his sword and bent to pull a small silver dagger from his boot. It wasn't much, but it would have to do. He skirted to the edge of the path as he moved like a stalking cat around the bend. His golden eyes missed nothing as he took in the dilapidated ruins of an old manor. Past the tumbled walls he could make out the form of a woman. Her singing was louder now as she hunched over the rotted form of the missing fleder. A bruxa.
He watched for a moment as the bruxa continued to sing. Her head tilted back enough that he could see what appeared to be tears streaming down her cheeks as she caressed the festered corpse. Geralt frowned in confusion.
Had the bruxa made the fleders? Was that even possible?
It wasn't unheard of for bruxae to hunt in packs, but he had never known a bruxa to bother with a fleder. The creatures were usually too stupid and wild to be of notice to the high order vampires.
A low grumbling sounded behind him and Geralt stiffened. It seemed fate had taken his choice from his hand. He whipped around to see a very alive, very hungry looking fleder. The commotion had garnered the attention of the bruxa and her song turned into a screeching cry.
"Fuck." Geralt muttered.
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