#like i’m so sorry im half way through chapter three

[enoiocean]

Chapter two is up sorry for taking so long 😭😭

[seeingivy]

miscommunication 

roommate eren x f!reader 

you and eren get lost in translation

**find the mini-series masterlist here

content: eren kissing ur neck beware, mentions of floch and nifa (trigger warning), MISCOMMUNICATION TROPE (im sorry, normal people is my favorite book and it’s just so much better when they realize it later)

an: this is the worst chapter of roommates. one bc I hate it. two bc its short. three bc I didn’t proofread it. four bc I just needed to establish this part so I can put in some sweet, sweet pining, misunderstanding, pretending like you don’t like each other, angry confession okay??? all in good time just bear with this bad chapter SO I CAN ESTABLISH THE REST OF IT OKAY. also I can’t tell if I overhyped that the next day is bad but I think it kinda sucks but if ur let down let me know :0000 

previous part linked here

- 

You and Eren wake up at around three in the morning, when Eren promptly falls off the couch and smacks his head against the coffee table. You’re thrown awake by the absence of his arm around yours and the sound of him hitting the floor, blinking in the dark to find him. 

“Ren.” 

“Hm?” 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get you to bed, pretty girl.” 

You feel his hands on your shoulders, lifting you up, as he drags you back to your room. You’re still half asleep, blinking your eyes open, as he pushes you into the bathroom. You sit on the toilet seat, holding your head in your hands as you try to pull yourself awake. You can hear him moving around in your room, only to return with a pair of clothes in hand. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead. Change and we can go to bed.” 

You nod, your eyes screwed shut, as you reach forward to take the stack of clothes from him. Before you can,, you feel Eren take your hand, stopping you from moving any further. 

“Something wrong?” 

“No. I just wanted to look at you again. With the dress on.” 

Suddenly, you’re wide awake. You pull your hand back, putting them at your sides as Eren presses his hands to your arms, squeezing twice. He’s staring down at you, his bottle green eyes warm with a tint of tiredness behind them. 

The closeness is deafening - every sense of yours is heightened, going haywire. His hands on yours, the remnants of his cologne on his neck, the pit in at the bottom of your stomach igniting. You can barely think straight. You swear his hands are trembling, his fingers feather soft on your arms. 

“Something wrong?” 

“Shut up, Y/N. I’m trying not to kiss you.” 

You laugh, wrapping your arms around his waist as you push yourself closer into him. At least you do the same effect on him that he has on you. 

“You should just do it then.” 

You can feel his laugh vibrating through his chest, his heart pounding against your ear. You can’t help but squeeze tighter - the entire thing, him pressed against you like this -  making your heart pound, overstimulating you. You can’t tell if it’s the tiredness or him - maybe a little bit of both that makes your heart rush like this.  

“Are you listening?” 

“Did you say something?” 

You feel his hands reach for the bottom of your chin, lightly guiding your face upwards so he can take a look at you. You can feel the blood rushing to your cheeks, at the sight of him looking at you, like that. 

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” 

“Nothing.”

You feel him smiling against your forehead, the air catching in your throat when he presses a soft kiss to your forehead. You can feel him moving, peppering warm kisses along the side of your face, a smile pressed on his, as he moves all the way down to your jawbone. It burns more, his lips in that spot, the way his fingers are pressing into yours. 

“Ren.” 

He’s still moving lower, his lips ghosting over the side of your neck. 

“Are you okay? With this?” 

“Y-yeah.” 

You can feel him giggling against you, his soft lips on your neck, his arms pushing you into the sink behind you. You can feel your skin shaking, the sensation making the tingling in the pit of your stomach stronger, your skin warm to the touch. 

You can feel the breath getting tangled in your throat, panting at the feeling of him on your neck. The second you breathe out, you can feel Eren’s hand firm on your shoulder, him lifting his head off the side of your neck. 

“Stop doing that. You’re driving me fucking crazy here.” 

“Doing what?” 

“Breathing. Like that. All breathy. You know what you’re doing.” 

“My bad. I’ll just hold my breath for a really long time.” 

He lifts his arms, squishing your face in his hands as he smiles at you. You reach forward, pressing your fingers into the dimples on both sides of his cheeks.

“Okay, kitty. Put your clothes on. We’re going to bed now.” 

“Ew.” 

- 

You wake up to the sound of your doorbell ringing, the space in your bed next to you empty. You blink your eyes open, spotting the tiny green post-it note left on your pillow. You can recognize Eren’s handwriting scribbled on it immediately. You can tell he was rushing, by the way the letters are sliding off the page 

morning sleepyhead. picking up breakfast, be back in 30 

You jump out of your bed, pulling on the Eren’s hoodie that was in your room, to answer the door. You’re met with a girl, one you don’t recognize, who's balancing a bright pink box in her hands. 

“Ah. Thanks. Here you go.” 

She places the box in your hand, moving past you and settling into the kitchen table. She’s got short blonde hair, just around her ears, with pale green eyes. Like Eren’s, but duller. Although you suppose any eyes would be dull compared to Eren’s. To you anyways. 

You swear the girl is familiar to you, trying to place where exactly you know her from. You settle down into the seat across from her, folding your hands as you observe her. 

“Are you Samuels new girlfriend or something?” 

“Uh no. He graduated and moved out. I live here now. I’m Y/N.” 

She nods, her head lazily leaning against the back of the chair. She’s tapping her fingertips against the edge of the table, like she’s waiting for something. In your house. 

“So where’s Rennie?”

Rennie. Eren. You avoid the burning in your chest, the tightness setting in your jaw. 

“He should be back soon. Just groceries. How do you know him?” 

“We’re seeing each other. I’m Hitch.” 

Hitch. Surely she can’t be the same Hitch, can she? She’s suddenly all too familiar, the realization hitting you - you don’t just know Hitch, you know too much about her. You remember wiping the internet, going on every social media platform you owned, just to find out more about her. To figure out why Nifa, why your friends, had to pick her - as a roommate, friend, person - over you. 

You remember it all too well, Nifa awkwardly telling you that she had found another roommate that she was more compatible with for the next semester. That Hitch was a better fit. Floch, telling you that you just weren’t the one for him. And every other little friend you had, telling you that you weren’t special, they didn’t want to be around you, that you were no longer friends. 

“You said your name was Y/N? Do you know a Nifa by any chance?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Were you her roommate?” 

“Yeah, just for last year.” 

“Still loudly sing in the shower?” 

You can feel the back of your throat burning, the implication of the question sticking in your mind. Singing in the shower. She knows you sing in the shower because Nifa told her. Loudly. Like it’s a bad thing. 

“I’m kidding!”

Nifa never told you it bothered her. She always thought it was funny, claiming that she had front row seats to our concert. Your concert. Is Eren making fun of you when he talks about your singing?

Right on cue, you can hear Eren jamming his key in the door, swinging it open. He’s balancing the bag of groceries in his right hand and bouquet of orange tulips in the other. He sets the bag on the floor, handing you the tulips, as he leans forward to press a kiss to your forehead. 

You lean back, burned by the sensation, as you glance over at Hitch, who's still seated at the table. You can see his eyes get wider, his fists curling at his sides. 

“Dreyse. What are you doing here?” 

At the sound of his voice, she finally looks back up, a smile spreading across her face as she leans over to hug him. Every part of this feels wrong, your stomach burning at the sight of the two of them in front of you. 

“You miss me?” 

“Uh. Yeah, but-” 

“Perfect. Marlowe’s throwing a party tonight and-” 

You set the bouquet of tulips down on the table and pull your shoes on, running straight out of the door. You swear you can hear Eren calling your name as you turn the corner to Armin’s. 

 -

“Y/N.”

“Jean, perfect.” 

You push past him, padding your way into his apartment. You settle directly on the table, tapping on the top for him to take the sit directly across from you. He looks mildly confused, the toothbrush still lodged in the side of his cheek. 

“Why are you here at the ass crack of dawn? And half dressed?” 

“It’s nine o’clock. And I have something to ask you.” 

“Okay. Shoot.” 

“What do you know about Hitch? Hitch Dreyse?” 

You can see his eyes widen, him automatically reaching to scratch behind his neck. He knows. He has to know.  

“Jean.” 

“Not much. What do you know about her?” 

“Bullshit, Jean. Please.” 

“Did you hear about her from someone or something?” 

He’s not going to tell you. Not unless you tell him first. 

“Okay. Promise you’ll take my side? I know you’re Eren’s friend but you’re my friend too. If there’s something I should know, you should tell me.” 

He nods, giving you a weak smile. 

“After the concert, Eren and I went home. We kind of…had a moment I’m not really sure.” 

“Armin owes me fifty bucks.” 

“What?” 

“Had a feeling the whole flirting thing was gonna piss Eren off. Bet fifty bucks he would make a move after. Go on.” 

“I thought he liked me. But I woke up this morning and Hitch was there and he was gone. She told me that they were seeing each other.” 

You can see his muscles pinching, his eyes not meeting yours.

“Eren and Hitch…are complicated. They aren’t seeing each other per say, but they also are?” 

“What is that supposed to mean?” “They’re both on the soccer team. During the season, there’s a bunch of parties, pre-games, events that everyone has to go to. There’s this really big banquet at the end, for all the athletes, that’s super fancy and catered and stuff.” 

You nod, visibly noticing Jean talking slower, dragging out the story as he goes on. 

“Anyways, last year, Eren was really hung up on this girl he was talking to, Historia. He thought it would be embarrassing to show up alone, so he made a deal with Hitch. That they do this, whenever soccer season comes around. She has some guy she’s on and off with.” 

“What’s ‘this’? Like they just pretend or?” 

“No. You know how Eren is, you spend a lot of time together and it just ends up happening. Doesn’t really mean anything.” 

You nod, taking in Jean’s words. You spend a lot of time together and it just ends up happening. It doesn’t really mean anything. Like you and Eren. You can feel the tears spilling out of your eyes, warm and salty as they spread down your cheeks. You feel Jean move to your side, his fingers light on your face as he wipes them away. 

The words sink deep into your chest, replacing any warm, soft feeling that was left in your chest, because Eren doesn’t like you. You were just there. You stay there till your tears subside, pressing your fingers into your skin to will the pinkess away. Jean opens the door for you and you amble back into the hallway, making your way back to your apartment. 

It’s okay. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. You can just tell him it didn’t mean anything for you either, so it doesn’t stay awkward between you two. He’s your roommate, nothing more, nothing less. You guys were just messing around, it doesn’t really mean anything. 

-  

Eren’s been panicking for a better part of the last thirty minutes. He left - to get you breakfast and that stupid bouquet of tulips to start the morning off right. Instead of finding your stupid, sleepy face snuggled in your bed, he found you in the kitchen, with Hitch settled on the table. That’s the last time he leaves you. 

He’d seen your face the second you ran out the door and realized he’d messed up. Horribly. Some part of you looked small, reserved, quiet. Like the first month the two of you lived together, when you avoided him like the plague. Nothing like the girl you were with him, the girl you were for the past few weeks - funny, lively, perfect. 

God. He’s so dumb. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. He can just tell you that it’s a dumb deal, that he’ll break it off for you. He doesn’t care if he technically owes it to Hitch because you come first. 

He hears your key jamming in the lock, the words on the tip of his tongue as you walk in. 

You look different. Dejected. Small. He wants to hold you, just so he can see lines around your eyes when you smile, to reassure him. That you’re okay. So the two of you can go and he can kiss you. Tell you that you mean the world. That you’re the moon, the stars, everything in between. 

“Hi.” 

“Hey.” 

He sees you lodge yourself on top of the kitchen counter, farthest away from where he was standing. 

“So, we should talk about last night, Eren.” 

“Okay. What about it?” 

“Just what happened, why it did, so we’re on the same page.” 

“Okay.” 

So he has to tell you now? What about the day he planned? And the stupid Wordscape he spent six hours coding for you? 

“It was a mistake, right?” 

Oh. A mistake. You think it’s a mistake. He read you all wrong - the fleeting touches, the shy smiles, the long hugs. He read you all wrong. You’re lovely, in all the best ways, to everyone around you. The things you did for him weren’t special or above anyone else - you were just kind enough to do them for him. Because why would a girl like you like a guy like him?

“Right. Yeah.” 

“Okay. Good.” 

There’s an awkward silence standing in the air, the two of you looking at each other. He’s ignoring the stinging in his chest, the way his heart is burning, but not the way it did when you smiled at him. You’re ignoring the biting, scathing, sharp feeling growing in you - at the thought of Eren, Hitch, Nifa - all of them tumbling into one. 

“Cool. Glad we cleared it up. That we can still be friends.” 

“Me too. You know, it happens. We can just keep things the same, like they always were.” 

You both turn to the side, the dryness settling in your throat. Eren doesn’t catch you wiping your tears. You don’t catch Eren fighting down his. 

Eren doesn’t realize that Hitch was the perfect girl to break you in your stead - the only girl that could make you feel so small, you wouldn’t even think twice about it. 

You don’t realize that Jean and Eren aren’t as close as you thought they were, that you were better off asking Armin and Annie, who knew how Eren felt about you. 

Things aren’t the same after that.

- 

an, again: ok I promise more fluffy, angsty, pining, romance after this I just needed to word vomit this out LOL I promise next chapter will be longer + better and (hopefully) tomorrow. also like this fully didn’t start with plot and then I had to think of one so pls forgive me

next part linked here

taglist: @maliakealoha @smolone88 @mykyoon @squirrelspoetry @roronoazorosbxtchh @fell-4-u @erensleftnutt @thelazylemur @mg63k @filunara @mblrrr @spidersinmybutthole @lezsie @erensmoodygf @maesthebestmonth @nanamiswife22 @lalalucidity @lapin0u @cullenswife @leafguitar @saiyasworld @rebeccawinters @mrs-sullys-blog @red-moon-dream @icansmellsouls @luvinclouds @katestrophes @amourely @6sakusa @miralbdo @k0z3me @celiniverse @txminie-blog​ 

[popponn]

a fool in love. [isagi yoichi x f!reader]

notes: no listen downbad!yoichi is kind of a walking disaster because this is the kind of guy that goes 'oh making you happy makes me happy' and he is mister egoist who goes a bit unhinged whenever he wants something do you get it. it's kind of doomed in a very cute way. (aka this is a fit of madness pt three. the only thing im willing to examine with seriousness here are isagi yoichi's deep blue eyes.)

You knew it wasn’t as if it was a bad thing. But, in a way, as happy as Yoichi makes you—you kind of wish he doesn’t turn off half of his brain when it came to you.

So far, the most often times he could do that was when soccer came up. And most of them ended up with longing stare and him turning his head back one last time as if saying 'sorry'. One time, you actually ended up throwing a snot soaked tissue because he felt bad leaving for practice when you were bedridden with a flu. It was adorable, but honestly a bit pathetic, in a cute way.

Though, those moments are indeed cute when you compared them to the others.

“I’m craving something salty and buttery,” you said at 2.34 am and you had to physically restrain him from cooking for you. Doing that to an athlete on his prime while being half asleep taught your backbone that it was a terrible idea. It made cracking noises for a week straight.

“Oh, that shirt is cute,” you once praised the white t-shirt he wore while lounging around with his friends in the living room. Suddenly, it was his favorite shirt. Last month, thankfully, that old, greying thing was replaced by another t-shirt you bought him before it had seven holes in them.

“God, I fucking hate him,” you would mindlessly comment about someone and Yoichi’s mouth went on a field trip. This happened around way too much already. One time happened when you said this half-jokingly after his match and high adrenaline Yoichi thinking someone genuinely did something to you was a sight. Hot, but unsuited for public consumption.

At this point, you really didn’t want to know what the line was for him outside of his soccer. It also didn’t help that it seems like most of his friends—especially Bachira—are a bunch of shit stirrers who supports him.

“You know, it’s sweet and stuffs,” you sighed, one day, deciding that being honest is the best way to go. “But, I really wonder, why you are like that sometimes?”

Yoichi, who walked beside you whilst pushing the shopping basket in one hand, smiled bashfully. “Uh, well—I got… carried away sometimes?”

“Definitely,” you sent him an unamused glance whilst showing him the shopping list written in his phone. “It’s not that I hate every time you do it. I just want to know why.”

Yoichi laughed nervously at that, averting his eyes away from you as he grabbed a pack of butter from his right. It took him sometime to answer, and as he did so Yoichi’s expression turned nostalgic and fond, “Remember when you said that you wouldn’t want me to lose my focus on soccer even if we are together?”

“Ah.” You did remember it. It was a long conversation that was both necessary and heavy back then. At this moment, though, it became just another chapter in your life with Yoichi.

“Well, I kind of swear to myself after that—” Yoichi stopped walking and turned towards you, looking at you through his blue eyes with many promises and softness. It took everything in you to not hide as he continued, “—that I will make you the happiest person on earth even with everything going on. So, yeah?”

And suddenly, you found yourself very lucky. “Oh.”

“And also, uh, I like how it feels when I spoil you and stuffs…? ” Yoichi murmured almost inaudibly, sounding unsure and embarrassed, before quickly laughing it off in the boyish manner you had came to known since long ago. A hand warped itself around yours and Yoichi smiled, a hint of red still coloring his cheeks, “So, uh. You know.”

Like a second nature, you intertwined your fingers along with him and gave him a smile just as shy and gentle in return, ”…seriously? You do it just because it makes you happy? Now, I’m sad.”

“And now you are just teasing me,” Yoichi replied easily. Then, he leaned his head, peering into his phone in your hand, “What else do we have to buy?”

“Hmm…” you hummed, eyes not turning away from him. “I think we got it all.”

[hp-hcs]

Am I requesting again because I love your fics? Yes yes I am AND IM NOT SORRY. Theo x ftm Reader (but like reader is Pansy’s brother ^3^) I feel like this HAS POTENTIAL but if you want to completely make ur own storyline be my guest because I trust you more than I trust my brain ٩( ᐛ )و

oHOHOHOH YIPPEE DW BABE I GOTCHU

also i’m on a yandere fix rn (if you couldn’t tell by the literally everything i’ve written these last few weeks) so uh, sorry if that was not what you were envisioning 🥲

requests. please. i beg of you. 🙏

Pansy’s Brother (Chapter One) — yandere! theodore nott x ftm! parkinson! reader

WARNINGS: aggression, stalking, possessive behavior, overprotective behavior, enzo berkshire bashing (done by theo)

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You bite your nails nervously, rocking back and forth on your feet. Your sister must notice, because she gently pulls your hand away from your mouth, smoothing down your hair, and kissing the top of your head.

“They’ll love you, Y/N. Don’t worry.”

“Enz’ll be there?” You ask softly.

A faint blush settles along her cheeks. “Y-yes. Lorenzo will be there,” she says in an oddly formal tone, clearing her throat in a very inconspicuous manner. “Ahem. But that’s not important. Um. Anyways. Stop laughing. Put your tie on, we’re going to be late.”

You snicker once more. “Sure, not important.”

She swats your arm lightly. “Dickhead. Hurry up.”

“Oi, Panz, chill out. I dunno how to tie a bow tie.”

She watches you fumble for a minute before rolling her eyes and smacking your hands away. “Stop, this is painful to watch.”

You pout as she takes over, deftly tying the perfect knot. “How do you know how to tie a bowtie?”

“Because I dated Draco for three months. Stop moving.”

You fake gag. “Ew. How was that as an experience?”

“Awful. It was like dating my honorary older brother,” she dramatically shudders, looping her arm through yours as you two begin your long walk to the Great Hall where the Yule Ball is being held.

“Hey, I thought I was the only brother you were allowed to have!” You gasp, mock-offended. “Besides, it couldn’t have been that bad. He’s… uh, conventionally attractive, I guess..?”

“No way, it was terrible. It’d be like if you started dating Enzo.”

“Ew!”

“Exactly.”

~~~

Honestly, Theodore Nott had no idea what to expect when Pansy said that her little brother would be coming to the Ball and that she’d like to introduce him to everyone.

But he certainly wasn’t expecting the most gorgeous guy he’d ever seen, holy Circe?

The Parkinson siblings stepped through the doors of the Great Hall, Pansy dressed to kill in a green satin dress with a risqué slit that went a little too high, in Theo’s opinion. The boys next to him were all but drooling.

“Who’s going to tell Crabbe and Goyle that Panz doesn’t even know they exist?” Mattheo leans in to whisper with a sly grin.

“Not it,” Theo snickered, observing Pansy with respectful, but distant, interest.

She really was stunning—but it was in the same way that sunsets and fireworks are stunning. Beautiful, but purely in an aesthetic way.

Following a half step behind her, a rather timid figure followed. Pansy navigated her way through the crowd, presumably her brother trailing along behind her.

She stopped in front of the boys, waving with a friendly grin. “Hey, guys! This is Y/N. Y/N, these losers are Theodore and Mattheo, and obviously you already know Enzo,” Pansy introduced, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Her brother, Y/N, straightened when his sister said his name, an odd gleam in his eye and look of relief on his face that Theodore couldn’t quite figure out. He held out his hand with a rather charming grin, the meek boy from before now exuding confidence as he shook each of their hands.

Theodore shook his hand when Y/N reached him, surprised by how dainty Y/N’s hand felt in his. Y/N made up for it, however, with a firm grip and a charismatic smile that made Theo’s stomach flip.

The Parkinson boy wore a well-tailored three piece suit that accentuated his build. It was the same shade of green as his sister’s dress, but the vest was a nice tawny tartan tweed, with shiny brown shoes to match. His expensive cufflinks sparkled under the candlelight, and his dark gray bow tie brought out his eyes.

Y/N Parkinson looked fucking hot.

Theo’s reverie was interrupted by laughter and Enzo’s voice saying, “You look handsome as hell, Y/N.”

Y/N grinned, a faint blush on his cheeks. Enzo laughed and slung his arm over the younger boy’s shoulders in a friendlier-than-‘we-just-met’ way.

Theo’s gaze broke away from where he was ogling the boy, snapping over to his friend.

How the fuck did Enzo Berkshire already know this hot guy?

A lick of white-hot jealousy flared through him. Enzo wasn’t even that cute! And he was dumb! Theo was way smarter!

He saw the way the youngest Parkinson smiled at Enzo, all teeth, and felt his blood practically boil with rage. One word kept floating about his head, from the second he lay eyes on his friend’s little brother.

Mine.

~~~

“So…Theo was looking at you a lot.”

“He was?” Your head snapped upwards and your eyes lit up as you thought about the pretty brunette with the dead eyes and the overall talk-to-me-and-they’ll-never-find-your-body demeanor from last night.

“Yep. He also kinda like, threatened my life once you left,” Enzo shrugged, splitting off half of his licorice wand and handing it to you. ���Dunno why.”

“He didn’t say?”

“Nope. Although I kinda sort of maybe got the impression that he’s got a… oh, what’s the word? big fat humongous crush on you. Not that it’s obvious or anything.”

“Ah. Not a man of subtlety, I take it?”

“He’s been watching us since we sat down,” Enzo said through a his teeth behind a fake smile.

“Wh-”

“Don’t turn around. Bitch, what are you doing- I just said- fuck it. I give up,” he throws his hands up in exasperation and sits back in his chair.

You scan the occupants of The Three Broomsticks, seeing no one acting out of the ordinary. You sigh and turn back to your irked friend.

Enzo rolls his eyes at you. “Dumbass.”

“Dipshit.”

You both grin at each other.

On the other side of the room, tucked underneath the deep hood of a thick winter cloak, Theodore Nott simmered with rage.

~~~

“Thanks for walking me back. I’m pretty sure Pansy would kill me, and then you, if I got lost or something,” you take another sip of your butterbeer as the two of you trek back to the castle, the dusky sky bathing you both in a faint glow and making the biting snowflakes in the air shine like tiny crystals.

“Yeah. Speaking of Pansy…” Enzo trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yes, you can date her. No, I won’t go but-she’s-my-sister-and-I’m-her-brother apeshit on you.”

He gapes at you. “You knew?”

“Enz. Love. Sweetie pie. Anyone with eyes could tell that you like her, and she likes you right back. Go ask her out, coward.”

“Fuckhead,” Enzo retorted, giving you a tiny grateful smile.

~~~

Theo watched from afar with barely-contained jealousy. The pair was too far away to clearly hear, and the snow underfoot crunched too loudly for him to move closer, so Theo was stuck.

A sudden gust of wind sent a flurry of snowflakes into his face, and he made a face at the unpleasant chill. With the wind, however, carried a voice.

Your voice.

“Enz. Love. Sweetie pie. A…” your voice trailed off as the wind died down, becoming indistinct again.

Theo snapped.

No. No. No. No, you weren’t allowed to say things like that to other boys. You weren’t even allowed out with other boys. You were his, and Theodore had waited far long enough.

It was time for him to take back what was rightfully his.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Chapter Two

[1427]

When the Levee Breaks (pt. 1)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her. Right?

Chapt. Setting: Atlanta camp

Chapt. Warnings: degrading and sexist language, season 1 Daryl, he’s not nice in this, probably won’t be for a while. 

Word count: 1600 

A/N : (aka authors warning) this is written in Daryl’s POV soOo idk. Probably not everyone’s bag. Maybe it’s no one’s bag. These first three chapters are kinda rough and I’m sorry but I can only proofread my own stuff so many times before I either post it or delete it forever.

masterlist

17+ mdni for the whole story

After stringin’ a few squirrels for dinner I figure I should get back to camp. ‘m breakin’ through the tree line, and that’s when I see her.  Beatle. Beatle, for the first time in… shit, who knows? Definitely years, I’m not exactly sure how many. Beatle, just fuckin’ sittin’ at my fire. Like somehow she knew it was mine and showed up just to take it from me. Just sittin’. Smile on her face like she belongs there. She doesn’t. She doesn’t belong at this camp, with these people. Shit, Beatle doesn’t even belong alive if I’m bein’ honest. 

No one in this fuckin’ camp can hunt worth a damn.  They’re gonna expect me to feed ‘em, ain’t they? Eventually. Eventually the food’ll run out and it’ll just be me feedin’ fuckin’ everyone. M’not doin’ it. I’m not doin’ shit for ‘em anymore. Why should I? Left my brother on that roof to rot. Naw, I’ll hunt for my damn self. Don’t even know why I’m still fuckin’ here. Should be out findin’ Merle. Honestly, don’t even know why I’m not.

Even before the dead started walkin’. I figured her days were numbered since the first fuckin’ time I met ‘er. Drunk as hell, eyes glassy, loud annoying voice barkin’ like a damn dog. Just yap yap yappin at Merle and me, tits half hangin’ outta her bikini top. Ones cinched in the string like she’d just forgotten to take ‘em out from her last time around the bar. A dumb drunk bitch, Beatle. Stupid fuckin’ stripper name. Who’s dick gets hard over a stripper named Beatle? 

I watch her, just for a second, checkin’ to see if maybe it’s not really her. But it is. ‘Course it fuckin’ is. 

Shane’s the first person I see that’s not doin’ anything, going through some clothes in a duffel bag in the back of a van, figure he might know, “Where the fuck did she come from?” Pointing toward Beatle, her back to us, fifty yards away. Stupid purple hair blowing all over the damn place. 

Shane looks to see who I’m pointing at, but who the fuck else is new at camp? His eyes finally land on Beatle before looking back at me like he’s trying to fight the smile on his damn face, “Why? You interested?”

I’m tryin’ not to lose my shit that she’s even fuckin’ here. “Nah…” I shake my head, “I know ‘er.”

Shane looks up, surprised maybe, and then not. Looking from Beatle back to me again, eyeing us up. “Yeah, makes sense.” 

I squint back at ‘im, “S’that supposed ta mean?” 

He shrugs, making a face, before smiling again, folding another shirt into his pack, “Just that you look like you might know eachother.” He doesn’t say more but I know what he’s not sayin. “Is all.” He adds on the end just to reiterate. 

He means we’re both fuckin redneck trash to anyone who looks at us. I look back over at her, startin’ to get real mad at this jarhead dickhead. Not for her or nothin’. Even if he’s right, he don’t gotta say it. Or maybe it was the way he said it. Or the way he didn’t say it. Like a fuckin’ pussy. 

A part of me feels like standin’ up for myself. Hell, a part of me feels like stickin’ up for Beatle. But, shit, it’s not even worth it.

I cough up a lougie and spit it close to his foot. “So where’d she come from?” I’m fuckin’ repeating myself. I hate fuckin’ repeating myself. 

“Think she just wandered in. Must’ve been lost in the woods or something. Ask Rick. He seems to know everything.”

Can’t keep myself from crackin’ at his petty comment. Always so fuckin’ loud with his contempt, makin’ the situation obvious to anyone with eyes. Messy. 

I decide I’m gonna ask ‘er. She’s gonna see me eventually. Better I approach her first, right? Don’t need to get football tackled in the middle of doin’ somethin’ else when she sees me for the first time. So I pull out a cigarette and start walkin’ over.

She’s talkin’ to Andrea. She fuckin’ would. Both of them loud dumb bitches. Talking about all the dumb shit they miss since everything’s turned to shit. Not talkin’ about people or nothin’ important. Just bullshit like getting your damn nails done, and eating fuckin’ ice cream. 

“Where’d you fuckin’ come from?” Sayin it louder than I meant. More aggressive than I thought my voice would sound. Usually fuckin’ is, though.  The laughing between Andrea and Beatle stops and they look over at me, just standing there waitin’ for it to register. Waitin’ for Beatles reaction. Starin’ ‘er the fuck down like she doesn’t fuckin’ belong here. She doesn’t. 

Beatles eyes light up, getting up from her chair and runnin’ over to me like she’s never been more excited to see someone in her whole damn life. I try to brace myself, but she still rocks me backward as she jumps on me, “Daryl!” Should have stopped her, could have moved just right out of the way. But nah, I let her. 

I don’t hug her back though, just push her off and let her own feet catch her. Dumb bitch doesn’t know personal boundaries. Her voice so close to my ear, “Damn, don’t look so happy to see me.”

Happy to see her? I’m not. Didn’t think I could be so unhappy to see a familiar face in my whole fuckin’ life. But she wasn’t letting that stop her, never fuckin’ did. “I was lost, found this camp. They said I could stay.” She explains, her voice high and happy and annoying as it ever was. At least she’s not drunk. 

Everyone around the fire had gone back to what they were doing. Not watchin’ us anymore. They could probably see as well as Shane that it was obvious how we knew eachother. Well, maybe not exactly how. But they probably had a good idea. 

I dunno what to say to her explanation, so I don’t say nothin’. And she just stands next to me, too close, clearly not gettin’ the hint that I didn’t really wanna talk to her. Just wanted to know why she was here. Now I know. She wasn’t gettin’ that she could and should just go back to her conversation with Andrea about ice skating, or cocktails, or what the fuck ever. 

“What about you?” Her voice quieter for fuckin’ once. 

I shake my head, blowing smoke out, “Merle and me, met up with everyone...” I don’t feel like explaining it, so I don’t. 

Beatle’s lookin’ up at me, her big eyes all wide and excited like a dumbass deer too stupid to move out of traffic, “Merle’s here?” 

This coil of disgust, I feel it snaring it’s way through my abdomen. Yeah, that’s the feeling Beatle usually gives me. Back like it never fuckin’ left. “Nah, not anymore. Sorry to dry your cunt.” 

Beatle says “Ew” fast. Like she’s so disgusted by my vocabulary. Like she isn’t just as crude, the things I heard that little mouth of hers say. 

“He’s not…” she means dead.

“Nah, hes not dead.” Usually this is where I talk something nice about Merle, about how he’s a tough sunuvabitch or some other shit. But not to Beatle. Beatle already knows, and for some reason talking about Merle with her makes me.. fuck… whatever. 

Glancing over, it looks like Beatle’s finally got the hint that I don’t wanna talk to her. She probably really was excited to see me, and I almost feel bad for a second. Before she puts her grubby fuckin’ hand in my face and asks if she can have a cigarette. Needy fuckin’ bitch. 

I laugh right in her face. At the gall of her. That at the end of it all, of everything; she was still trying to get some fuckin’ handout. “Naw.”

“Oh, come on, Daryl, please? I haven’t had one in days!” As if I give a shit what she has or hasn’t had. Hasn’t seen me in years and wants to ask for favors? 

I keep draggin’ on my cigarette, blowin’ the smoke out, and m’not smiling anymore, “I said naw. I don’t see your tits out, why would I give you anything?” Fuck repeating myself.

“You wanna see my tits?” She says it like it’s actually a question. Like she really fuckin’ believes that I’m askin’. 

“You’re a dumb bitch, Beatle, y’know tha’?” I shake my head at her, laughin’ at her again. She’s fuckin’ ridiculous.  Taking another drag I realize the cig is trash, and I almost throw the butt into the fire but decide to hand it to her instead. 

She takes it, with needy fingers like I knew she fuckin’ would. Trying to hide my smile at how fuckin’ pathetic she always seems to be.  Watching her take my trash like it’s fuckin’ gold. She drags it once, I can smell the filter burning and she throws it in the fire. “Next time maybe you’ll share one with me?” Her voice is so sweet it makes me sick. Like I didn’t just call her a dumb bitch to her face. 

Saccharine and fake, that’s how she’s always been. All her cute little movements and motions, all just tryin’ to work me up so I’ll share my smokes or listen to her dumbass whine about anything and everything. Annoying.

“Prolly not.” And I’m already walking away from the fire. From Beatle. Going back to my tent and praying to god, Jesus Christ, don’t let her follow. 

Chewin’ on what she said. Lost, huh? See? Didn’t even belong alive. 

pt 2

[yougavemeyourheartyouknow]

On thin ice (Hockey player! Miguel O’Hara x Figure skater! Fem! Reader)

A/N: Hiii Im back from my mini break :) I wanted to write more, but I wanted the next chapter to begin a certain way so I’m making this one short hehe. Excuse any typos and grammatical errors. Miguel probs being ooc

(Y/N)- Your Name

Cursing, funny little hehe drama, Miguel being Jealous, ansty (?) (Like, If you squint)

Word count: 1k

Series Masterlist

Chapter 9: Until I fall asleep, spilling drinks on my settee.

—

It’s been 3 weeks.

It’s been 3 weeks since you were in that practice room with Miguel O’Hara.

It’s been 3 weeks since you kissed Miguel O’Hara.

It’s been 3 weeks since you started to avoid Miguel O’Hara.

You didn’t do it on purpose, at least not at first. The day after the very overdue make out session, you told yourself that you would wait a day or two before you talked to him about it, in an attempt to get all your thought in order. Then, that day or two turned into three… then four, then a week, then 3… and at this point, it would be too awkward if you finally decided to face him. What were you even supposed to say after ignoring him for 3 weeks? “Hey Miguel, sorry I basically ghosted you after we made out, even though I said I’ll talk to you afterwards.” You’d rather die of embarrassment. So now you found yourself purposely avoiding him, and although your boy problems should be the last of your problems, they wouldn’t leave your mind.

As you came out of the bathroom, tossing your hairbrush onto your semi-messy bed, you let out a heavy sigh as you saw Kate finish fixing the whiteboard calendar that hung in your dorm room for the new month of October, on the third Friday, she had wrote “MIDTERMS,” in big red Expo marker, and on the following Friday she had written “REGIONALS” in the same way. The two words made your stomach twisted, and for once in the past three weeks, your mind was finally off the topic of the hockey player you had kissed.

“You know staring at the board won’t make those words go away.” Kate said, snapping you out of your thoughts as she capped the Expo marker, you let out lips curl down into a frown and your thumb’s fingernail started to tap repeatly on the surface on your ringer finger’s nail, a habit you've developed when you're nervous, because you knew she was right.

“Can’t you let me pretend at least?” You were joking of course, before making your way over to where you had your gym back half-hazardly thrown at the foot of your bed, zipping it open and checking of all your skating gear was in the bag.

“You’re overly stressed, what is it? Midterms, Regionals, or Miguel?” She asked with a head tilt, hey eyebrow going up with the question.

“All the above…” you mumbled under your breath as you finish rummaging through your bag before zipping it close and throwing it over you shoulder.

“You’ve got this.” Kate sent you a sympathetic smile, which you returned before leaving your shared dorm.

—

You told yourself no skating on the weekends as an attempt to keep yourself from over stressing yourself, but here you were, in the middle of the rink on the first of October, on a Sunday. To be fair, you weren’t practicing, you were just going to practice some jumps and spins, holding to get your mind off everything that’s been transpiring in your messy life. It was honestly a miracle that when you arrived that the rink was empty. You were in the middle of going over your triple lutz, each time you came back down on the ice your landing was wobbly, that is if you landed it. Most of the time you couldn't land it at all, it’s a move you’ve been trying to perfect for months now. Hoping to have it down before coach Kavinsky could have choreographed the long program in hopes to get more points from the judges, but unfortunately you still had too much trouble with it. It would have been a risky move to put it in the program.

“You should probably take a break from that move before you end up black and blue.” The voice rang out through the empty rink, causing you to lose concentration and fumbling the move again.

“Fucking hell, Logan. You should know you can’t do that shit…” you groaned as you slowly gathered yourself to get your body off the ice after falling. Logan chuckled and shook his head, his hands going into his pockets as he walked towards the entrance of the rink, taking the guards off his skates.

“Sorry, sorry, you’re right…” He mumbled with a small smile as he helped you up, “I just wanted to check on you. I know you like to come here when you’re stressed.” He added in a more serious tone.

“Yeah I’m…” your words trail off, a heavy sigh leaving through your nose instead. Logan, already knowing your answer just gave you a sympathetic frown, rubbing your shoulder before pulling you into a hug.

—

“She’s already told you that she’s not dating Logan-“

“I don’t care Peter.” Miguel growled, leaving the stadium, shoving past the front doors and angry stomped to his car in the parking lot. Peter followed behind him. While you and Logan were in the middle of your beautiful friendship moment of reassurance, neither of you noticed Miguel nor Peter making their way to the ice with their gear on and hockey sticks in hand. But upon seeing you embracing your skating partner, he quickly turned back around and made his way back into the locker room, changed back into his regular clothes, then (quietly) storming off and out of the building. “You expect me to believe that bullshit!? She’s all over him, like she wasn’t all over me 3 weeks ago!” He yelled as he throws open his back car door and angrily throws his bag and hockey stick into the back seat, Peter also putting his stuff in the back, but in a more calm manner.

“Miguel, that’s her skating partner. Not to mention her best friend.” Peter tries to reason with his friend as they both go into the car. “Obviously they’re gonna be close. If she was dating Logan, do you really think she would have let you kiss her? Let alone return the kiss?”

Miguel didn’t respond to Peter’s question, instead just letting out a small huff of air and a grunt. His hands gripping onto the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles began to turn white.

If you wanted to play that kind of game, then fine. He’ll play. He’s the best player on the team after all, this little cat and mouse will be easy for him.

—

Taglist: @tayleighuh @cowboylikeevie @coralineyouareinterribledanger @jukioku @loser-alert @migueloharaspookiebear @serpentstarr @littlexscarletxwitch @darksidescorner @sukioyakio

[1whore1gang]

it’s the little things🤍

Catch up HERE on their adventures

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! OMG

Please enjoy regardless

i’m so sorry if this is short or shitty lol

this is more of a filler chapter so i can get to the good stuff and set it all up

Warnings: swearing, some sexual innuendos/content, angst

(i can’t figure out taglists so i’m so sorry if your tag didn’t work or if i forgot you! please yell at me or if you know what i’m doing wrong, again yell at me lol)

I LOVE YOU ALL!!

Taglist: @gaymistakeboi @batw3nch @thedevillovesflowers @almightywdm @ghostslittlegf @sketchyfandomgirl @under-the-dirt @clear-your-mind-and-dream @darkangel4121 @vreselia @llemes @stargaliz @rockcollector3000 @nottrosaxx

It’d been a week and a half since John had arrived to your mission site. Since then, he’d done nothing but take care of you and be at your beckon call. You were feeling much better and began to feel like yourself today.

Currently, you were sat in John’s cabin he had on base, waiting for Tia to call so you could see the boys. You and John were anxious to see them and hear their little giggles.

The phone began to ring as John quickly answered the video call. A young girl, blonde and blue eyed appeared on the phone, Tia you came to know. “Hi guys! The boys are anxious to see you!” Her voice was chipper.

John spoke immediately while you gave a small wave. “Tia! It’s good to hear from you! How have you been? Everything to your liking?”

“Hey John! Everything’s been great! You have the comfiest bed ever. I wouldn’t mind sleeping in it forever!” She lets out a laugh. “The boys have been nothing but pleasant, and the accommodations have been so amazing. I love it here and I think the boys love me too.”

As she says that, I hear the familiar playful scream of Soap and I tear up. John speaks again, “I’m glad you’re comfortable and that the boys haven’t scared you away yet.” They continue light conversation, and I hear Soap’s excited little scream again.

It causes me to cut her off, “I’m sorry, can we see them? I’m dying to see my boys.” She apologizes and chuckles, then sets the phone up so we can see the three boys sitting on the ground.

Soap immediately starts flapping his arms and squealing. “Hi Soap! Hi honey!” I saw giddily and he responds to my voice with more squealing and a goofy smile. It makes me heart swell.

“Hi boys!” John says and Gaz crawls to the camera and begins to tear up. “Oh it’s ok! We’ll be back soon! Don’t cry!” John cooes over the phone.

Soap is a giggling mess, trying to grab the camera and put it in his mouth, but before Tia can react or John or me can talk him out of it, two little hands grab it and we are met with Simon’s little face. “Hi honey! How’s my Simon?” He giggled as he held the phone way too close to his face. “I miss you!!” I continue to coo as we hear excited grunts come from him.

“LIEUTENANT!!” I hear the familiar yell of Captain Snyder. I look over to John, and he can tell I’m dreading what comes next.

“Hey Tia, it was great to talk to you, but duty calls. I’ll call to check in later tonight.” With that, John ended the call. “It’s alright, he’s not going to do anything to you.”

Captain Snyder doesn’t even knock, just barges into the door, staring down John and I. “Captain?! What is she doing here? She needs to be-“

“She does what I say and I said she’s on rest until she’s cleared by medical.” John’s tone went dark as he spoke to Snyder, not even allowing him to finish his sentences.

“You do not interrupt me Captain! I am her mission leader and I say she needs to go run laps for each day she’s missed. She looks just fine to me.”

John stood, towering over Snyder easily. Snyder adjusted his posture to try to match John’s height, but alas, doesn’t measure up. “I wonder how you even made it through boot Snyder. You listen as well as a toddler. I am her Captain, and she will follow my orders only, even after I am gone. I said she’s on rest, so that’s what she’s doing. Do you understand?”

“You are not assigned to this mission as leader! You are simply-“

“I said do you understand?” John stayed calm, but was somehow so threatening.

“No! I have a problem with-“

Once again, John cut him off. “If you have a problem, then you can feel free to call General Shepard and I’m sure he will be happy to tell you about how Lieutenant L/N is under my command only. Are we clear?”

You felt frozen as you heard John speak this way. It was both attractive and yet somehow frightening. Snyder took a deep breath before he spoke. “I will speak with the General then.” He turned on his heel and exited the cabin.

When he did, John immediately switched back into the doting partner you’ve come to know. “I’m sorry you had to see that.” His voice was now sweet again.

“Can I be honest?” You chewed on your bottom lip as you began to conceal a laugh.

“Always my love.”

“That was kind of hot.” The laugh escaped you as the words left your mouth. John looked you up and down before he chuckled himself.

“Was it?” He growled.

“It so was.” He swooped you up and laid you down on his bed.

“Hmm, too bad it’s time for us to hit the hay. We’ve got a big day tomorrow.” John immediately flopped down on top of you, crushing you underneath him as he pretended to snore.

“John!!” You giggled, “I can’t breathe! Get off!!” You laughed loudly as you pushed him off of you. He fell next to you on the bed as he opened his eyes and stopped the snoring noise. “You’re such a dork.”

“I love you.” John’s change in demeanor took you a moment to adjust to. “I really do.”

“John, I love you too.” You say it back.

“No, I’m serious.” John sat up, and you followed his motion.

“I know you are, so am I.”

“No, Y/N, listen to me. When we get back, I want to get serious about us. Get a place outside of the compound, move in together, start our life. We don’t know how long the boys will be little, or if they’ll ever turn back. I want to put us at an advantage if we ever decide to have littles of our own. I want you to be my wife one day, when you’re ready.”

You couldn’t help but tear up. He’d rendered you speechless.

Your little life with John. A house, married, enjoying the little things. It’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more. “I can’t wait.” You say.

The moon falls and the sun rises quicker than you’d like it to and morning pours into the cabin. “Good morning dear.” John’s voice filled your ears. You hummed in response, burying yourself back into the blankets. “You’ve got a lot on your schedule today, you gotta get up baby.”

With a groan, you sat up and saw him in full uniform. “I don’t want to do this today.”

Today you had to get your health evaluation to see if you were fit to return to work, and you knew they’d pass you. You loved watching the embassy, but you didn’t like being under the gaze of Captain Snyder. You knew he’d work you like a dog the moment you got the green light, with or without John’s protection.

“Oh hold on love, it’s Tia. I wanna make sure nothings wrong.” John answered his phone, a sing-songy voice coming out of him as he spoke to Tia. He excused himself as he stepped out of earshot of you.

Dismissing it, you drug yourself out of bed and got into uniform, preparing yourself for the worst. You hoped that Snyder would take it easy on you after the critical condition you and many other soldiers had been in, but you knew you didn’t have that luck.

Looking down, your watch signaled you needed to go, so you went to go grab John, but he was still on the phone.

You pointed to your watch, telling him you both needed to head to medical. “Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.” He laughs as he noticed you. “Hold on Tia.” He covers the bottom of his phone as he tilts it away from his mouth. “I’ll meet you there honey. Tia needs me right now.” He shoots you a sympathetic smile, and you assume it’s a problem with the boys.

Right?

You walk to medical and can’t help but think about Tia. John has been talking to her a lot, is everything ok? Has somebody found out about the boys? Has Shephard noticed her on base? Were the boys okay?

A million thoughts ran through your mind as you felt the scorching heat of the desert sun against your skin. You just hoped whatever it was, John would handle it quickly. You needed him here with you for this.

Entering the tent, you saw Snyder sitting there waiting for you. “Ah, little miss is alone today huh? No big bad wolf to protect you when they clear you for work?”

“Enough. I’m not dealing with your attitude anymore. I’m going to lead my squad and get the fuck home sir.” Snyder was taken aback from your words, but smirked.

“She’s got her own bite now.” You rolled your eyes at him as the nurse came out.

“Wait, we’re waiting on one more person. A couple of minutes please?”

The nurse hesitated, but she said she could allow 10 minutes. Those 10 minutes turned into 15, then 20, then 25. No John.

“I’m sorry, but I really have to get started now. We’ll be more behind than we already are if I don’t.” The nurse rubbed your shoulder as she spoke sympathetically.

“Okay.” You looked to the entrance, hoping he’d make it at the last minute, but alas, nothing.

Snyder watched in anticipation as you completed each test with flying colors. “Alright Lieutenant, you can return to work tomorrow. I’m glad to see you back to yourself.” The nurse handed you a slip with her signature.

Snyder came up behind you and slapped your shoulder as the nurse walked away. “You’re mine as soon as your guard dog leaves.”

You jerked your shoulder away from him as you glared. “Good luck with that.”

Walking away, you heard Snyder yell one more remark. “You will obey your superior unless you want home base hearing about your disobedience for direct orders? That’s a direct dishonorable discharge, isn’t it Lieutenant?”

You knew he was right. “They’d never believe you sir. I’m getting my mission done.” Standing your ground, you said it over your shoulder.

“Try me little girl.” Snyder had nothing but pride and malice in his voice. Sighing, you turned around and walked out.

Completing a couple of other items on your agenda like weapon expection and ration hand outs, you finally headed back to Price’s larger tent.

His bellowing laugh filled your ears before you even entered. You peeked in to see him holding his phone in front of his face, maybe he was seeing the boys or watching a video.

“I’m so glad I got to talk to ya T. Good to hear from you as always. I hope my room makes a good home for you.” You froze.

What?

It wasn’t super weird for him to say, but it still made you uncomfortable. As wrong as you knew it was, you continued to listen. “Always John. The boys miss you and we can’t wait for you to get back.”

John laughed. “How sweet. It sounds like they might be sending me earlier than we thought. Originally it was going to be 3 weeks, but it sounds like I’m leaving in the next couple of days. I’ll be home sooner than we anticipated. It just gives us more time I suppose.”

He’s going home early and didn’t even tell you?

“Yeah! I’m so excited for you to be back! I can’t wait for everything we’ve got planned.” You hear her giggle.

“Me too, we’re going to have so much fun. I can’t wait to see you.” John and Tia muttered a few giddy goodbyes and that’s when you decided to just go back to your own tent.

What was that? You had to misunderstand it right? There had to be context to that conversation. There had to be a logical explanation. Maybe they’re planning for her to be a permanent babysitter?

You wracked your brain for any possible scenario where it didn’t sound like John was cheating on you, and while you came up with a few, something just didn’t sit right with you.

“Hey baby? I’ve been looking for you. What’re you doing here?” John poked his head into your tent.

“You were still on the phone when I came to yours, so I decided to just leave ya alone to finish the call.”

“Oh Y/N, I’m sorry. You should’ve came in anyways! I would’ve hung up, it was just Tia. She was telling me about the day the boys had. Apparently Soap took a few steps today. Simon threw a block at her.”

You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you. “Simon is probably trying to talk to her.”

“Yeah, I didn’t tell her he does that though. Our little secret huh?” And just like that, all your worries melted away. There was no way he’d cheat on you, let alone with a much younger girl like Tia.

“Our little secret.” You repeated his words. “You’ll love me forever right? You’d never keep anything from me?”

“I will love you until my dying breath, and even more in death. You are my light, my life. I would never hurt you.” Melting into his words, you planted a kiss on his lips.

“I love you.”

“I love you too doll.”

And the world faded away as you cherished this moment with him. Your John was right in front of you, and he had a way to keep your anxieties at bay with just 5 simple words. You leaned into him, taking in his presence.

If only he didn’t have to leave you here in 3 days.

If only he’d told you about it before he left.

If only you hadn’t woken up in his tent alone, with nothing but a note.

[ficclings]

Lost ~ Chapter Four

Previous Chapter

Taglist: if you would like to be tagged or I forgot to tag you, let me know! @laymegentlytorest @im-sinking-in-mud @hydroyaksha @hehe-24-hehe @neohyxn

The feeling of fingers gently petting her ears was a lovely feeling and she stretched out her limbs, fingers itching to grab onto Felix for a cuddle before she suddenly froze at the smell of rotting to the right of her. 

Right, still with Lee Know she pushed away her slight disappointment and opened her eyes to see Lee Know smiling cautiously at her, hands moving away from her ears and quickly pushed a couple of cereal bars towards her. 

“Eat up, Spots,” he stretched his arms and then proceeded to stretch out his legs, groaning as he did so. 

“Have you left this building at all?”  

Lee Know met her eyes for a few seconds before turning so he could try and stretch out his arms a bit more. 

“No need to when I have everything here,” he explained, closing his eyes as he felt his muscles stretch making her extremely flustered for a second and she looked to the floor, “it’s why I’m stretching,” he added. 

She nodded in response, too embarrassed to look up as she chowed down on a chocolate cereal bar; smiling at the sugar she was having after not having some for a while. 

Once the two of them had gotten their things together, an air of nervousness washed over them, and a small look of comfort was shared between them as they made their way towards the window, she had smashed her way through. 

“Be careful, I didn’t smash the window in a delicate manner,” she explained as she effortlessly slipped out, pausing as she immediately had the smell of blood enter her nose and she turned to see Lee Know holding his hand. 

“It’s just a small cut, I’m good,” he assured her and waved his sore hand in the air, where she promptly grabbed his hand and licked over his cut making him yelp and jump backwards with a considerably redder face. 

“I’m part Dog,” she pointed out as if it were obvious, “though normal dogs have a lot of bacteria, I don’t,” she showed her fanged teeth proudly, “hybrids have extra....things to them and dog hybrids can actually clean wounds....unlike full dogs,” she smiled when Lee Know nodded silently as she was pretty sure he was now the flustered one. 

“I thought that was common knowledge, sorry,” she bowed a little as she apologised and Lee Know quickly snapped out of his daze. 

“I was just caught off guard,” he mumbled and motioned for them to keep walking as he eyed the small group of zombies still pottering about the place. 

As Lee Know looked around, he felt very small all of a sudden when he saw how fast the area had gone to ruin while he had been hunkered down in the office building. 

He shifted his eyes to his new friend who was on high alert as she scanned and sniffed the area, both for danger and her lost friend. He was saddened that she seemed used to this situation, used to the way things looked outside. 

“I can smell the road we were on,” she exclaimed and Lee Know smirked in amusement when she stood on her tip toes to try and sniff the air better over the stench of the dead walking around. 

“Well, that means we’re close to your home, right?” Lee Know saw her nod in confirmation and they picked up their pace as they neared the shattered pharmacy that Felix had gone into. 

She gasped at the sight of the doorway to the pharmacy, three freshly executed zombies were blocking the entrance; one of the zombies had been cut in half, the rotten flesh ripping as its own spinal cord was too heavy. 

“Are any of them your friend?” Lee Know asked with a worried tone as he tried to read the hybrid’s face, her eyes still glued on the bodies before them. 

“No,” she moved closer, trying not to be sick as she took smaller sniffs to try and pick up Felix’s scent, “he was here; he was the one who killed these guys,” she suddenly hurled backwards and cupped her hand to her mouth as she tried to stop herself from being sick, the oversensitivity of her nose really was becoming her worst enemy during this apocalypse. 

“Spots?” she felt his hand gently press against her back, “I know it sucks that you can smell them more, but we need to move,” he gave her a small smile when she looked up at him with a pale face, mouth still blocked by her hands and her ears pushed back on her head in distress. 

“C’mon, show me the way or y’know,” he twirled his bat in his hand, “we could always stand around and get eaten,”  

She could sense that he was nervous being outside of the office building and she knew he was putting on a bit of a front, but she just wanted to get both her breathing and stomach settled before walking, one hundred percent certain she would be sick if she started moving. 

Lee Know chewed the inside of his cheek and he looked around and over his shoulder, eyes widening as he could see zombies throwing themselves into other zombies in the distance, screaming like banshees as their fingernails became dirtied with one another’s grey flesh. 

His hold on his bat got tighter as nearer screams started to echo around some of the buildings close to them; his heart beating frantically in his chest as he longed to be back in his almost-safe building where he could snack and drink without being on the menu himself. 

“I need,” she stopped to try and breathe clearer, forcing herself away from the doorway to lessen the smell, “I’m...please look away from me,” she could feel her anxiety getting the better of her again and once Lee Know quickly turned away from her, she was sick once again and the only though that jumped to her mind was that the cereal bar was now wasted. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” she whispered looking to the floor once she had finished, cringing as she wiped her mouth on her sleeve, other hand waving her baton in distress, “t-this way,” she couldn’t meet his gaze when he turned back around, bat held in an attack form just in case and she moved forwards in silence as she tried to fight off the utter dread she was feeling as she wondered how weak Lee Know thought she was. 

If Lee Know could pick up on her distress, she was glad he had the foresight to keep quiet about it whilst she tried to get focused again. 

You’re outside you fucking moron! Focus! Both of you could die if you don’t focus! She nodded at her own thoughts and opened her eyes, a deep breath following. 

“It’s going to piss down,” Lee Know informed her as the skies above them grew black in colour, “piss down and storm, aren’t we the lucky ones?” he commented sarcastically, feeling the tension leave the hybrid as she laughed at his sarcasm. 

“Rain gets rid of the smell,” she pointed out, “so it’s a blessing to me,” she giggled quietly at the less than enthused expression on Lee Knows face. 

Thunder rumbled through the area, but it sounded far away, she tried to concentrate on her hearing, but she couldn’t block out the sudden screaming from the zombies as they reacted to the noise of the storm brewing. 

It didn’t take that much longer for the two of them to finally reach the apartments; after throwing themselves into alleyways to hide as groups moved passed them several times, they were just relieved to see the doors. 

“Wait,” she froze at the sight of fresh blood across the handles of the doors, and it didn’t help that she could smell that Felix had been here not long ago. 

“What’s the mat-wait!” Lee Know yelled as she suddenly took off in a blind panic, ripping the door open after fumbling with the button for a second, the door slamming against the wall of the building and cracking the glass. 

“I’m sorry!” she cried out, tripping over her own feet as she climbed the stairs, knees now bruised and cut. 

She was almost hyperventilating when she reached her floor, hands now frantically grabbing at her jean pockets to find her key. 

She could faintly hear Lee Know shouting after her as he chased his way upwards. 

Unlocking the door, she burst into the apartment, tears brimming as she looked around for her friend. 

“FELIX?!” she was aware of how hysterical she sounded but she couldn’t stop her sheer panic at the thought of losing somebody who was the best thing that had ever happened to her. 

It was then that she was suddenly grabbed from behind, sending her into another panic as she spun around with her baton held ready to strike; she then froze upon coming face to face with Felix’s large eyes shimmering at her with his own tears spilling down his face in relief. 

“You’re safe!” she whimpered making him nod and she threw her arms around his neck, crying into his shoulder, “I-I saw the blood on the door and I could still smell you and I thought...I thought!” she wailed as she started to realise just how scared she had been; though her tail was now endlessly wagging. 

“I thought you were dead,” Felix’s deep voice broke in the middle of his sentence as he gently her the sides of her face, “I tried to find you, but I just couldn’t get passed, I was chased back home,” he chewed his bottom lip, “I cut myself falling arse over head,” he pointed out with a small chuckle, watery smile on his lips, “that was the blood,” he waved his scratched up legs to her and it was then that she took in his state. 

He was currently in just a shirt and shorts, plasters all over his legs. 

“Me too,” she lifted her jeans legs to show her dark bruises, “we’re a mess,” 

“And you’re soaking,” he added with a laugh as she really did look so defeated with her clothes soaked through. 

“Why did you run off like that?!” she jumped at the sound of Lee Know’s voice as he reached the doorway, clearly out of breath from all the running he’d done. 

“I-I’m sorry, I was worried,” she explained and gestured to a suddenly silent Felix who was staring at Lee Know with an almost disbelieving look on his face; as if he was seeing an illusion. 

“Hyung?” Felix whispered with a voice that made him sound much younger than he was, “holy shit,” his face scrunched up as he broke down in tears once again, pulling the older man into his arms and burying himself in his chest, hands grasping the fabric of Lee Know’s office shirt. 

“Yongbok,” Lee Know’s voice was shaky as he held Felix tightly, his eyes squinting as if he was trying to stop himself from joining the younger in his crying. 

“Hyung,”  

Lee Know looked over his shoulder at his new friend who was currently closing the door, locking it before she turned back to him with a thoroughly confused look on her face. 

“You should have said you were looking for Felix,” Lee Know felt a lump in his throat when Felix whimpered against his chest. 

“What the hell is going on?” she asked with an adorable tilt of her head, nose and cheek bright red from all the crying she was still doing. 

“This is Minho Hyung,” Felix murmured finally pulling away and holding out his hand to her so he could have both close to him, “you found him,” he smiled warmly when her hand linked with his. 

“Minho?” she looked to Lee Know. 

“Lee Know is a nickname,” he explained with a shrug, “just used to introducing myself like that,”  

[whisker-biscuit]

Sonic Big Bang 2024

Close Encounters of the Grim Kind: Chapter 3

-----------------------------------

Through the next few days, Tails discovered three things aside from his alternate dimensional research.

It took about six hours for the probe to make a round trip from him to his new pen pal and back when they tested it.

His pen pal was extremely intelligent and just as interested in the state of the Shatterverse as he was. They did not, however, want to talk about anything else, and especially not themselves.

Sonic was still refusing to share the full picture of what happened during his adventure.

Only one of these things was technically a problem, but the fox was a scientist first and foremost, and a very curious child on top of that. So, he set out to “solve” each and every one.

The first one was easy, relatively speaking. The device had been built to travel indefinitely, collecting data at manageable speeds to be analyzed later. Now that it wasn’t being used as a probe but as a simple messenger, it was no issue to redirect some of its power output away from its memory banks and towards its speed instead. He let his pen pal know what he was doing, and wasn’t surprised when they offered their own assistance, claiming that they had worked with Paradox Prism energy to know how to make movement almost instantaneous. Working off only a fraction of that power instead of the entire prism meant it would still be slower than that, but any upgrade on that front would be an improvement.

Together, they were able to drop the travel time from six hours to two, which helped immensely. It also made Tails debate crossing “Sails” off of his list of potential people, because Sonic never mentioned the pirate ever getting close enough to the Prism to learn how to do that. In the end, he kept the name on because the evidence against its presence was still flimsy.

Additionally, his unknown collaborator sent equations that would allow Tails to duplicate his own technology with Prism energy, which he used to make several more probes to send out across the Shatterverse. None of those devices were intercepted and fed data at a constant rate to his computer for him to observe and report back to the pen pal.

By the end of the week, it became routine for a familiar flash of light to appear in the fox’s shop every few hours. He’d pause in whatever he was working on to read and respond to the message as though it were an overly detailed texting app instead of the intricate probe that he’d built it to be.

[ have you found any interdimensional cracks or signs of decay? ]

– No. So far, none of my probes have registered any anomalies. –

[ good ]

[ i was unable to check for that since losing access to the shards ]

[ was worried it might return even though the paradox prism was reformed ]

– What about you? –

– Did you see anything concerning appear in your own dimension recently? –

[ none so far but ill keep you posted if that changes ]

The second problem took a little longer to work around, and Tails wracked his brain for ways to approach it without raising suspicion. He desperately wanted to know whether he was working with an Eggman above all else. It was hard to think about how their minimal exchange exploring and discussing the Shatterspace’s state of being was beneficial to any version of the mad scientist, but he’d been caught off guard by a convoluted evil scheme before and had no intention of kickstarting another with his own help.

At first, he tried to gauge his mystery partner’s interest in technology.

– I’m sorry my last message was delayed for so long. –

– I was caught up in a new invention idea and lost track of time. –

[ theres no expectation for a prompt response ]

[ im not offended ]

– That’s a relief. Do you ever get tunnel vision with your own projects like me? –

[ yes ]

– Glad to see I’m not alone! –

– What kind of projects do you like to work on? –

Asking that last question led to him being ignored for nearly half a day until one of his probes completed its semi-scheduled data returns, in which his pen pal finally sent the device back asking about its findings. There was no mention of the original inquiry; Tails got the message and didn’t bring the topic up again.

It did make him cross out Mr. Dr. Eggman’s name on his list, however – from what Sonic had told him, the man never would have been able to pass up the chance to brag about his own genius, no matter how obvious the trap.

His second attempt was more roundabout – disguising it as idle curiosity about the Paradox Prism and the Shatterverse.

– There’s still so much we don’t know about all of this. –

– My memory is a bit hazy about what happened when the dimensions split. What do you remember? –

It was admittedly a dangerous gamble. He didn’t know how many people Sonic had told about the Prism being from Green Hill, or that he himself had no recollection of the dimensions breaking apart. Someone as smart as his pen pal might be able to deduce who exactly he was – and by extension, where Sonic was – if he made a single misstep. The last thing Tails wanted was to put another target on his brother’s back even if it was from a source that probably wasn’t much of a current threat without a way to cross dimensions independently. Eggman ingenuity was never a thing to take lightly.

[ i didnt personally notice anything different until sonic first appeared ]

[ he was the catalyst for the changes in our dimension and across the shatterverse ]

Tails couldn’t help but laugh when he received that message.

– Yeah, that seems to be a constant for him. –

– He mentioned he had Prism energy inside his body that allowed him to traverse the dimensions –

– Did you ever see that in action? –

[ yes. it was remarkable to experience ]

[ the first time he used that power, he briefly shut down power in all the machines in a significant area ]

That little tidbit gave the fox pause. He remembered very well Sonic’s description of that event – and how it had happened when he was a captive of the Chaos Council. Without immediately replying, the fox instead found his notebook of names and finally removed Sails from it. Then his pencil hovered over Nine’s name for a solid minute. Sonic had mentioned that dimensional counterpart had been captured at the time as well, but had he actually been there to witness the explosion Sonic had caused?

Asking outright was likely going to go ignored again. He tapped the pencil to paper and stared at the probe as he considered how to react to this new revelation without his pen pal shutting it down.

– What was that power output like? Was it a visible phenomenon? –

Receiving a response within the average two hours made him heave a sigh of relief.

[ extremely visible ]

[ the best way to describe it was a giant rainbow hued shockwave that extended outward from his body ]

[ it was pure unfiltered prism energy with no direction or goal ]

– That sounds incredible. Did the Paradox Prism ever do something like that independent of Sonic? –

[ yes, but it looked a bit different ]

And so, the inquiry turned back around to their research without any further fanfare. As grateful as Tails was for the new hint and frustrated that it was still too vague to fully confirm his pen pal’s identity, he left those follow-up questions alone for the time being. Patience was going to be his best friend in this careful investigation.

Speaking of best friends…

Sonic had finally started to lose his manic energy regarding his friends. He wasn’t pestering them for hang-outs as often, he wasn’t spending most of his time loitering around outside Tails’ workshop anymore, and his daily runs were taking him far enough away again that sometimes it would be more than a day before any of them caught even a glimpse of him. Both Amy and Knuckles expressed their relief to see him settling back in after his solo adventure, and even Rouge made a passing comment about it when they crossed paths.

The fact that he still hadn’t told Tails about everything that had happened wasn’t as worrisome any longer, and probably would have just become idle curiosity if not for how he stumbled onto something he was obviously not meant to see.

He’d been on his way back from Amy’s house and decided to take a quick detour towards the waterfall he had first met Shadow at, hoping to tell the hedgehog that Sonic finally seemed to be doing better again. He’d flown up the cliff from the hill’s side until he reached the very top, but found himself to be the only one there today.

Then the familiar sound of a sonic boom made his ears twitch and he looked out at the landscape.

A blue streak was approaching, followed by a yellow one that was keeping pace but not gaining it. Tails watched, surprised, as his brother came to a stop at the shore of the lake below the waterfall. What was even more surprising was how Shadow caught up a second later and stood beside him instead of challenging him to a spar or another race to even the score. They began speaking, too far away for him to hear, but even from up high he could tell by their body language that it was a tense conversation.

Getting close enough to eavesdrop wasn’t an option. Both hedgehogs had hearing that would pick up his flying immediately, and he was almost certain that whatever they were talking about it would stop the instant they noticed his presence. Feeling a twinge of guilt that wasn’t enough to assuage his interest, the fox pulled out his Miles Electric and began tuning it to amplify the sound waves from below to a frequency he could hear and understand.

“….fine, Shadow, honest! Man, I had no idea you were such a mother hen.”

“It’s not about ‘mothering’, Sonic. It’s a legitimate concern.”

“Aww, you’re concerned about little old me? Never thought I’d hear you confess it outright.”

The sound of their banter made Tails’ shoulders relax when he hadn’t even realized they’d been raised. It meant that whatever they were talking about probably wasn’t all that serious after all. Or it meant…

“Stop deflecting. It’s not going to get you out of this conversation.”

…His brother was avoiding a discussion, again.

Sonic sighed so visibly that Tails didn’t even need his device to see the action. He put his hands on his hips and turned towards the lake, kicking a rock into the water as he did so.

“I really mean it, Shadow. I’m fine. I feel fine. Nothing about that has changed since we returned to Green Hill. I get why you’re worried, but there’s nothing to be worried about anymore.”

“Your brother seemed to think differently.”

“Tails?” His head whipped around so fast to stare at Shadow that all his quills bounced in sync. “What do you mean? You’ve been talking to him? What did he say?”

The other hedgehog crossed his arms, looking irritated even from far below. “Contrary to whatever belief you might hold, we keep in contact when the situation calls for it. He has expressed worry that you aren’t behaving like yourself.”

Tails’ eyes went wide. What was Shadow doing? Hadn’t he been the one who insisted that they keep Sonic out of their arrangement? And now he was blabbing about a private conversation!

“Oh, well, if that’s why you’re suddenly up in my business, don’t worry. We talked it out a while back.”

“Did you?”

“Yes, Shadow, geez. He noticed I’ve been a little…clingy, and I told him it was because I was thinking a lot about the dimensional counterparts we had to leave behind. Plus, y’know, the whole “all my friends became shadows of themselves that I thought I’d never be able to piece back together” part? Pretty obvious why I’ve been off my game the last few weeks.”

“Did you tell him about –”

“No, I didn’t, and I don’t need to.” Sonic’s tone took on a hard edge. “I’m not about to put that on his shoulders. It has nothing to do with him and he’d still feel guilty about it.”

“What happens if you ever start to deteriorate?”

Deteriorate?!

“I’m not going to, Shadow! There’s literally been no reason to worry about that! You are literally the only one worrying about that.”

“Of course I am, Sonic!” The hedgehog closed his eyes. A pained expression flashed across his face and his voice grew softer when he spoke again. “Of course, I am. You were…dying in my arms.”

Tails felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. He backed away from the edge of the cliff and clutched the Miles Electric in shock, hoping he’d misheard what had just been said. The long silence that fell between the two down below was enough of an answer. Too much of an answer.

“Listen, I’m really sorry about that,” Sonic finally said, sounding more somber than he’d been in a long time. “Truly, I am. I wish I could go back and do things differently so you never had to experience that. But I mean it when I say that I haven’t felt any different since we got back. No weird energy, no sparks, no teleporting no matter how fast I’ve been running. Nine said he pulled all of it out of me and I have no reason not to believe him. Especially not after…all of that.”

More silence. Tails curled his namesakes around himself to try and soothe his sudden shaking.

“…You really trust him that much, huh?” Shadow’s voice was unreadable, and so quiet that it was barely audible even through the device.

“Absolutely. Just as much as I trust Tails. We’d all be wiped from existence if it weren’t for him.”

Another long pause.

“Shadow, I get why you’re worried, and I promise I’ll tell you if something changes. We both said we’d be better about communicating after this, didn’t we?”

“We did.”

“Then trust me when I say I’m okay. Please?”

“…Fine.”

“Thank you.”

“You really should tell someone else about this, though. If not your brother, then one of your friends.”

“I’ll think about it. You up for a race to the ocean?”

“Perhaps another time.”

“Alrighty, then. See you later.”

A blue streak zoomed off, visible for only a few seconds before disappearing beyond the horizon. Tails found the ability to move and peeked back over the side of the cliff. Shadow was still at the lake shore, staring in the direction Sonic had run off in. His back was turned to the waterfall and so the fox couldn’t see his expression. After nearly a minute of standing there like a statue, his rocket shoes kicked into gear and he dashed off as well in a different direction.

Tails sat down right where he was, completely stunned by everything he had just heard and struggling to process it. Sonic had almost died. Sonic had been dying and hadn’t told anyone about it. How had that even happened? They’d mentioned something about “weird energy.” Was that because of the Chaos Council? The Shatterverse breaking down? Him being displaced from the dimensions in the first place and physics had finally caught up to his body?

And why on Mobius did he think Tails would blame himself if he knew?

Thoroughly shaken up, the fox flew straight home. He was still so blindsided by the information he’d unintentionally learned that he didn’t even notice the probe hovering above his desk until he collapsed into his chair after almost an hour of pacing his workshop.

He picked it up almost on autopilot, staring at the latest messages there without really reading them. It was some theory about why the other dimensions still existed with the Paradox Prism reformed, but he couldn’t wrap his head around the words no matter how he tried to distract himself with them. What did pointless theories matter when his own brother had nearly died – might still be at risk of it if Shadow’s concern was valid?

Tails needed answers and he needed them now. Screw Shadow’s terms, screw whether this mystery person was a friend or foe, screw everything that wasn’t going to tell him what he needed to know. If it ensured Sonic’s safety then he’d take any risk.

Instead of replying, the young scientist shut the device off and pulled out its blueprints, along with the notebook he’d used to parse out the equations for how to make it travel faster between dimensions. Additionally, he recalled all of his probes that had been out collecting data. Two hours between messages was too long to wait for each reply. He needed this to be as instantaneous as his pen pal had claimed the Prism energy was capable of, and he was going to use all the energy currently at his disposal to do it.

A preliminary glance at the time told him it was early evening. He turned off or flipped over every clock and time-keeper in his space, knowing this was going to be a long haul. From the kitchen he retrieved a full pitcher of water, an entire half-pan of lasagna leftovers, and three unopened energy drinks. As each probe returned one by one in small flashes of rainbow light, Tails cracked his fingers, stretched his arms once over his head, and got right to work.

It took most of the night. By the time he shut the final panel on the device, finished charging it with all the other probes, and turned it back on, the nearest clock read nearly 3 AM when he dared to look. The fox cradled the device in his hands, thoroughly exhausted. For all the work that he had just accomplished, he knew that was technically the easiest part of this entire thing. The rest hinged entirely on his mystery collaborator.

Tails drank the rest of his last energy drink, then spent the next five minutes crafting a message that would get his intentions across without scaring his pen pal away forever.

– I know we agreed to keep this as solely a research venture but this is urgent. –

– Do you know what happened to Sonic before he returned to Green Hill? Is there a chance it could happen to him again? –

– Please. I need to know. –

He sent it out before he could second-guess the wording. Then he waited.

Nothing came back.

The fox gave it ten minutes. Thirty. An hour. Just like the very first time he’d activated the device, he was left in limbo, waiting and wondering if everything he’d worked so hard for was about to go up in flames. He knew it wasn’t just about technological limitations anymore. There was a small chance that his pen pal was asleep, but their time zones were very different and they seemed to have just as odd a sleeping schedule as he did. The radio silence was most likely an intentional one.

Eventually, out of lack of anything better to do, Tails began cleaning up his work station just to get rid of some of the nervous energy jittering through his body. He glanced at his desk for any sign of flashing lights so often it was quickly becoming a compulsion, and so he forced himself to leave the room entirely. Crawling into bed had him feeling conflicted; he was so tired and on the verge of a crash, but he was terrified that any minute the device would return and he would miss it for hours.

In the end, physical needs won. Tails passed out the moment his head hit the pillow and he drifted off into restless sleep.

[animeniacss]

Seoksoo - imperfect - Part 1 - Chapter 20 - I Love You

Synopsis: Lee Seokmin likes a lot of things: karaoke, stuffed animals, his friends, his family (when they're not at each other's throats), and when things go according to plan. It's perfect that way. That is...until Joshua Hong, the Education Department TA, stumbles into his view one day and suddenly Seokmin has to start facing the fact that maybe not everything in life will be perfect...but with Joshua, that might just be ok.

Tags: College!AU, ActingMajor!Seokmin, Teacher!Joshua, Romance, Angst, Fluff, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Side GyuCheol, Side JunHao, Side Verkwan, Other Idol appearances, Anxiety/Panic Attacks, Domestic Violence (not between the main couple), Joshua is a dork 90% of the time, (More Tags will be Added as needed)

Length: approx. 6.9k words

Chapter 20 - I Love You

   “I’m so glad we’re done with finals!” Mingyu groaned in relief, tossing his backpack on the other side of the apartment. Seokmin and Seungkwan followed behind, Seungkwan following Mingyu’s action, but not as violently. Seokmin simply tossed his bag at his feet. “Christmas break, here I come!”

         “I still need to finish Christmas shopping.” Seungcheol spoke, scrolling through the internet for things he could hopefully still order in time to wrap for the holidays. Mingyu rolled his eyes.

         “Seokmin, is everything ready for this weekend?” Seokmin nodded.

         “Yeah. I got one of the bigger rooms so everyone can fit!”

         Seungcheol smiled. “Can you tell Mingyu to throw me nice parties like this for my birthday?” He teased, earning a playful shove from his boyfriend.

         “I’ll be able to afford nice parties when you finally stop keeping me from my dream job of being a stripper.” When Seungcheol whipped his head around, Mingyu smirked, leaning over the back of the couch on his elbows.

         “You said we were done with that conversation!” Seungkwan and Seokmin shared a glance as the duo bickered, Seokmin unable to hide his amused grin while Seungkwan’s face resembled something closer to slight disgust.

         “Anyway.” Seungkwan turned to Seokmin. “Is Joshua-hyung excited?”

         “I hope so.” Seokmin scratched the back of his neck. “I just want it to be nice. It must be hard to not have family around for your birthday.” Seungkwan nodded, nestling closer to his friend, almost as if he was about to share a personal secret just for the two of them.

“Are you going to do it?”

         Seokmin needed a second to register what he was just asked. “Sorry. What?”

         “Tell him how you feel.” Oh. “Before the break starts and you don’t see him for like…three weeks.” Seungkwan was right. With Seokmin being home for Christmas and picking up extra hours when he came back, who knew when he would see Joshua over the break. This night together might just be his last chance. Seokmin’s cheeks turned redder the closer Seungkwan leaned against him. “What was it you said? “It’s in the books! I’ll confess if I get the lead!” or something?” The younger grinned, a mischievous glint in the smile. “I’m only trying to keep you honest, Hyung.” 

         “Ah. Well…” he was at a loss for words, Seungkwan cementing his unannounced victory with a proud hum. Seokmin only offered a little chuckle. “I know what I’m going to do…”

         That was a lie, but Seungkwan thankfully didn’t press him for any further information.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

           “You’re not putting me in a blindfold, Seokmin.” Joshua seemed pretty adamant as the duo stood outside of Seokmin’s apartment. The younger frowned, holding up the black handkerchief.

         “What? Why?”

         “Many reasons. One: we aren’t at the karaoke bar yet. Two: I’ll get motion sick on the car ride. Two and a half: I’m driving. Three: I already know where we’re going. Four: I’m not into that.” Seokmin blushed at the last reason. Defeated, he stuffed the handkerchief in his pocket. “Sorry.” Joshua smiled. “Ready to go?”

         Seokmin nodded, and the duo made their way to the car.  Seokmin sank into the passenger’s seat, looking up at the sky as Joshua set the car into reverse and pulled from the parking space. The sky was cloudy today, tones of gray bunched together overhead. “I heard it’s supposed to snow tonight.”       

         “That’d be nice.” Joshua hummed. “I’d love some snow for Christmas. It doesn’t snow often in Los Angeles. The weather’s too warm.”

         Seokmin caught Joshua leaning forward against the steering wheel a bit, peering out the window when they slowed to a stop. “Well, then I’m sure it’ll snow this year.”

         Joshua smiled. “I hope so.” He continued following the GPS to the karaoke bar, while Seokmin was getting messages from his friends as they arrived. Jeonghan and Nayeon went to pick up the cake, Mingyu and Seungcheol arrived to secure the room, and Seungkwan and Hansol were setting up the decorations. Seokmin had left his birthday gift in the apartment, as a back-up to keep Joshua with him a few extra minutes, in case he didn’t say anything while they were out. “I’m really excited for this.” Joshua admitted. “I can’t remember the last time I really had a birthday party.”

         “You don’t?” Joshua shook his head.

         “I mean, I had friends over in high school. My parents always took me on a trip over Christmas break. But I think I stopped having birthday parties when I was maybe 12 or 13.” He shrugged. “We just stopped planning them. So, I’m excited.”

         “I hope I made it a good one, then.” Seokmin leaned back in his seat. Joshua chuckled.

         “Trust me, whatever you have set up will be great!”

         Most of the group had already arrived by the time Seokmin and Joshua found a parking spot. Heading inside, the first thing he saw was Seungkwan perched on one of the chairs, sipping his iced coffee and scrolling through his phone. When he heard the door open, he smiled. “Finally! We were waiting!” He hurried up to the duo. “Everything is set – you said he’d been blindfolded!”

         “You told everyone you were blindfolding me?” Joshua smirked when Seokmin looked away, face blooming red in  embarrassment. He stuck his hand out. “Give me the blindfold.”

         “No, forget it, you’ll be surprised anyway.” Seokmin said simply. Joshua chuckled under his breath, reaching out to take the others hand in his own before Seungkwan motioned them down the hall. Seokmin thanked the worker at the front desk, and the trio entered the room.

         With Seokmin picking up a few extra hours at the store, and dipping a bit into his summer savings, he was able to book one of the bigger, nicer rooms in the karaoke bar. The lights were dimmed a bit, a slight blue hue transforming it into an underwater wonderland. Mingyu and Seungcheol were stringing up the last of the balloons on the far corner, while Vernon and Nayeon were laying out the snacks. Jeonghan was resting on the couch behind Nayeon, leaning forward and guiding verbally, almost dictating where everything should be placed until Nayeon nudged him and he giggled. Junhui and Minghao were already skimming through the book of songs, Minghao showing a visible look of confusion at whatever it was Junhui was suggesting.

         “Wow.” Joshua smiled. “This is so cool!” Seokmin immediately felt a sense of pride, any worry of Joshua’s reaction melting away within seconds. With newfound confidence, he headed to greet Jeonghan, the duo sharing a quick hello. Seokmin saw Nayeon hop up and hurry over.

         “My friends are on their way. Thank you for saying they could come.”

         Seokmin grinned. “Of course! The room holds a lot of people. Besides, Jihyo and Dahyun are my friends, too. I’m glad they were able to come.” Nayeon gripped Seokmin’s hands happily, finally leaning in.

         “Joshua looks so happy! I think this is going to go so well, Seokmin.” She was beaming; the positive energy radiating onto Seokmin immediately. “You two are so cute!”

         “Oh, come on!” Seokmin gasped. A sudden pat on his shoulder, and he turned to see Seungkwan. He was already passing him a microphone.

         “Are we going to stand around looking hot or are we going to sing?” He asked. Seokmin took the microphone and, with a flash of an eager grin, the boys headed to the Ipad that allowed them to choose their songs.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         It didn’t take long for the room to unfold into complete chaos. Seokmin had taken a step back a few songs in for Chaeyoung and Dahyun to have a turn. The duo was singing a Taylor Swift song at the top of their lungs, encouraged by all of their friends cheering and screaming the lyrics along with them. Seokmin was watching from the couch, waving a glow stick prop alongside Vernon. He felt a nudge to his leg, turning to see Joshua lean over to him with one of the song menus.

         “What are you going to sing?” His voice was low as he leaned in close, sending a shiver up Seokmin’s spine. Lovestruck eyes darted from Joshua’s lips to his hands, then up to his eyes, then his lips, followed by his toned chest and those lips, and-.

         “Uh, I don’t know.” Seokmin turned back to the performance in front of him. “I haven’t picked yet.” Joshua looked over at him and Seokmin could have sworn he saw an amused smirk on the other’s fucking lips. Chaeyoung and Dahyun’s song came to an end, and the room erupted into applause as the score flashed on the screen.       

         “80?!” Chaeyoung’s eyes widened. “No way! This thing’s rigged!” Dahyun laughed behind her hand.

         “It’s not a Taylor Swift fan!” Dahyun pointed to the screen. Slightly annoyed, the duo turned to the couch, offering up the microphones. “Who wants to go next?”

         Seungkwan stood up, grinning at Seokmin. He took microphones and immediately handed one off. “I think it’s time. Shall we?” he asked. The glint in his eyes immediately translated to Seokmin. Maybe it was because they had been roommates for two years, or that they were the ones most likely to frequent karaoke bars together, but the hive mind was working, and Seokmin shot up like a bullet.

         “We have to!” He said. A chuckle behind him, and he turned to see Joshua popping a few potato chips in his mouth. 

         “What are you singing?” he hummed.

         Seungkwan spoke up for both of them. “Candy in My Ear by Baek Ji Young and Taecyeon!” Joshua hummed, his face indicating he hadn’t heard of the song before.

         “It’s our go to karaoke song.” Seokmin added. Joshua nodded, leaning back in his seat.

         “Taecyeon is so beautiful.” Nayeon sighed to herself.

         “Tell me about it.” Jeonghan said, the couple high-fiving in their shared attraction to the idol. Seokmin and Seungkwan pulled the song up as Mingyu passed over a comically large pair of sunglasses to Seokmin.

         “You’ll need these.” He grinned. Seokmin took the orange glasses, putting them on. He heard the snap of a camera, turning his head to see Joshua holding his phone. He was grinning.

         “You look so cute!” He called. He had grabbed a glow stick from the table, holding it up with Vernon, Junhui, and Minghao in support of the duo. Seokmin blushed, turning back to the large TV as the song began. The second the first few notes began, Seungkwan looked at Seokmin with confident eyes.

         “Choreography?”

         “I’d be offended if we didn’t.” Seokmin grinned. Almost immediately following Seungkwan’s very high-pitched ‘La La La’s, Taecyeon’s verse started up and Seokmin put the microphone to his mouth to sing. The room broke into a mix of laughter and cheers almost immediately, and Seokmin’s entire body swelled with a rush of adrenaline. He was in his element right now, everything felt great. He watched Seungkwan approach him dramatically, and without missing a beat, pressed himself up against Seokmin so they could dramatically step in time together and share one microphone to sing.

         Saranghae (Saranghae)

         I love you (I love you)

         Seokmin saw Seungkwan shoot him a suggestive glance, and he laughed behind the microphone for a second. Then, the youngers eyes shot a glance at the couch, and following it meant Seokmin was staring directly at Joshua. He was grinning behind his hand, one leg crossed over the other as he watched the performance in front of him. Seokmin looked back to his singing partner as the second verse approached and Seungkwan prepared to dramatically press up against Seokmin one more time.

         Maybe it was the adrenaline, or the fact that it was dim in the room. Maybe it was Seungkwan’s constant motioning over to Joshua without any of the audience noticing. Maybe it was because Seokmin had the most confidence when he was singing with no constructs. Nobody was judging him right now, or ranking him for a role. He could just perform. Maybe it was all of those things, or maybe it was none of them, but when Seungkwan got close, for the next verse, he felt a surge of confidence hit him in the chest.

         Saranghae (Saranghae)

         I love you (I love you)

         When Seokmin uttered the echo in his verse, he turned to the audience, shooting a finger heart in Joshua’s direction. The older one’s eyes widened, going slack jawed as Junhui and Seungcheol began shoving him and screaming, as if he were just perceived by his favorite idol. Even in the dim lights, Seokmin saw his cheeks burn pink. A gummy smile broke on Vernon’s face as he leaned into Mingyu, body shaking in a fit of laughter. Seokmin’s cheeks immediately turned red, focus redirecting back to the screen in front of him. Not before he caught the stunned grin on Seungkwan’s face. The rest of the song was performed as expected, with choreography and dramatic singing. However, when the song ended and the room erupted into applause, Seokmin covered his face. Seungkwan hurried up to him and shook his shoulders.

         “That was so fucking smart!” There was glee in Seungkwan’s voice. “That was so cute!”

         “I cannot believe I did that! I think I blacked out.” Seokmin whispered. “Is he staring?”

         “Oh, hell yeah. He looks lovestruck!” Seungkwan whispered. “Look at you go!” Seokmin put the microphone on the table, the duo turning towards their score as it flashed. “100!” Seungkwan grinned, turning back to Seokmin. “As usual!” 

Seokmin looked at the score and the cheering female model beside it. Maybe he was overthinking, but her repeated thumbs up motion felt directed at him. But not for the performance. He needed to sit down. Turning to the couch, he was stunned at what he saw.

Chaeyoung and Mina were cuddled on the couch beside Sana, whose legs were outstretched over Jihyo’s lap. Tzuyu was cross legged beside them. Nayeon had pulled her own legs up to her side as she leaned into Jeonghan, who literally just put two bowls of chips beside him. Mingyu and Seungcheol -broad as they are - had no problem taking up a lot of space on the couch. Seungkwan sat beside Vernon, nestled close with the others’ arm draped behind him. Junhui and Minghao were shuffling to claim the far corner of the couch. That only left Seokmin with two spots…..

Both beside Joshua. 

Mentally cursing his friends, he plopped himself down on the couch, and Joshua immediately leaned against him. He looked over and saw the older grinning.

         “You did great!” He said. “That was really good!” Maybe it was because he was already overstimulated with what he just did, but he could have sworn Joshua had hearts in his eyes, staring at Seokmin with endless fondness.

         “You think so?” Joshua nodded. “Thank you…” Despite his heart running a million miles a minute, he couldn’t help but smile as the next song got started.

“Oh, and you still have the glasses on.” Joshua pushed the orange glasses up Seokmin’s nose a bit. Seokmin laughed shyly. “Take a photo.” He grabbed his phone, pulling it out and opening up his camera to focus on himself. He snapped a quick picture of himself in the glasses. Almost immediately, Joshua leaned his head in, holding up his glow stick and smiling. Seokmin chuckled a bit, snapping a few pictures of the both of them as well.  Joshua chuckled. “I like that one. Send it to me.” Seokmin nodded.

As the song played, Joshua handed him one of the props on the table, and set one of the bowls of chips between them. When Seokmin opened his mouth to question, Joshua put his finger to his own lips. “These are my favorite chips. I’m only going to share them with people who tell me they love me in song.”

The low, borderline flirtatious tone Joshua used when he leaned in close made Seokmin almost internally combust, and he immediately turned his gaze back to the girls as they began singing because if he looked at Joshua any longer, he might just give a full Shakespearean confession right then and there in front of everyone.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         The rest of the night continued in the same fashion: a microphone rotating among the couch so everyone could sing. All different types of genres were thrown around; from well-known pop songs to drama OSTs to western musical artists, the room was buzzing with music and cheers for hours. Seokmin’s throat was scratchy by the time they had to vacate the room, exhausted from all of the singing he did. Luckily, there wasn’t much food left, and most of the garbage was easily discarded as they headed out.

Nayeon’s friend group split from the group once the night came to an end, warm holiday wishes spreading through the crowd with a few hugs. Jihyo and Dahyun squeezed Seokmin just before heading out the front door. “Good luck.” Jihyo whispered to him. Seokmin blushed a bit, nodding his head. He mouthed a little ‘thank you’ when he saw Joshua approaching to say his own farewells to the girls. Seokmin caught Dahyun offer him a supportive thumbs up and a grin. His mind flashed back to that female karaoke model.

The group exited the karaoke bar around midnight just in time for the first specs of snowflakes to flutter down from the thick, gray clouds. Seokmin’s neck craned up to look, the sound of his friends excited murmurs fluttering around him. His first thought was to turn to Joshua, but his attention was grabbed by Seungkwan.

“Aw, no. My gloves have a hole in them.” There was a pout on his friend’s face as he tugged the gloves off and stuck them in his pocket. His friend was not fond of the cold by any means, complaining about the chilly weather since the first leaf fell of a tree in October. Seokmin immediately tugged his off, passing them over. Seungkwan seemed confused for a second, but Seokmin only pushed them closer. 

“Here. I’ll be okay.” Seungkwan glanced at Hansol, the same idea seemingly in his head as his gloves were already half off. “Oh.”

Any tension that may have threatened the trio was melted away almost immediately when Seungkwan reached out and took Seokmin’s gloves, slipping them on his hands. “Thanks, Hyung.” His smile was full of fondness.

“Of course.” Hansol was already slipping his gloves on, seemingly unphased. “Now you two can hold hands.”

“We would’ve done that anyway.” Seungkwan chimed, wasting no time interlocking his newly gloved fingers with Hansol’s. 

With his hands immediately exposed to the chill of the snow, Seokmin watched as a snowflake fell onto his hand, evaporating against the warmth of his skin. Making the rest of his body warm by fixing his scarf and jacket, Seokmin balled his hands together.

         “Ah…hyung!” He turned to Joshua, who was still staring up at the snow as it fell around him. Seokmin fell quiet for a second, the view before him enough to distract from his chilled hands. Straight out of a painting, Joshua’s side profile as he took in the sight of the snow was breath-taking. Wide, doe-eyes watched each snowflake fall around him, enveloping him in a serene and beautiful winter wonderland. When Joshua finally turned to him, Seokmin smiled a bit, taking his arm. “It’s snowing! Like you wanted!”

         “I know.” His smile was equally as big. “Maybe I should be a meteorologist or something. Add it to that growing list of random skills I’ve been accumulating.” Seokmin laughed a bit. Joshua looked down at the hand still wrapped around his arm. “Your gloves.” He pointed out. “Your hands are going to be cold.”

         “I’m okay.” He assured. “Seungkwan’s had a hole in them.”

         “Last time you said you’d be ok, you got sick.” Joshua frowned. A deep groan escaped Mingyu’s throat, interrupting Joshua’s worries.

 “I’m starving. Do you think there’s any street vendors open still?”

         “We just ate non-stop for like four hours.” Vernon stared up at the taller male in shock. Mingyu only laughed a bit.

         “I think there’s a Bungeoppang vendor a few blocks back.” Seungcheol chimed in, grinning when he saw the excited look on Mingyu’s face. The idea of a delicious red-bean fish cake seemed to be agreed upon for most, and they followed Seungcheol’s directions to the vendor.

         The walk was filled with idle chatter mainly about the night of karaoke and how delicious the cake was – Jeonghan cheekily said ‘you’re welcome’ when that came up. As they walked, Seokmin simply listened. Not because he had nothing to say, but because he wanted to. The night thus far had been perfect, and hearing everyone else agree made his heart swell with pride. He rubbed his hands together, feeling the chill of the winter air once again. Everyone else around him were either holding hands like Seungkwan and Vernon, or linked arm and arm like Nayeon and Jeonghan. He looked down at his own hands, stuffing them into the pockets of his jacket.

         A tap on his shoulder, and when he looked over, Joshua was pulling off his glove. He passed it over, and Seokmin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Take it. For that hand.” He motioned to Seokmin’s right hand. Despite still being confused, he slipped the glove on and held his hand up, wiggling his finger. Joshua laughed in amusement, but wasted no time taking his own gloveless hand and interlocking it with Seokmin’s, slipping them into the pocket of his own jacket. Seokmin’s face flushed almost immediately, feeling his hand warm up almost instantly when the pad of Joshua’s thumb swiped over his knuckles.

         “Alright, that was smooth.” Seokmin said shyly. Joshua grinned proudly as Seokmin settled close to his side. The group arrived at the vendor, where an older gentleman eagerly welcomed the large crowd of college students. Seokmin watched from the back as his friends ordered.

         “I’m going to get the chocolate one.” Joshua said. “You?”

         “I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish an entire one.”

“Yeah, me either after all that cake. Want to split one?” Seokmin nodded his head in agreement, watching as Joshua leaned forward to order for the both of them. Seokmin noticed Junhui and Minghao offering sly grins in his direction as they nibbled on their own pastries.

         Their fingers brushed together when half of the pastry was handed over, Seokmin’s skin feeling as though it was on fire despite being exposed to the cold. When he took a bite, the pastry tasted much more delicious than he could have ever imagined, but maybe that was because he was enjoying it with Joshua. The older glanced over at him. “It’s good!” Joshua gasped.

Yes, that was definitely what made it taste particularly delicious.

⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔(im)perfect🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌⚔🦌

         The groups parted for good once returning to the karaoke bar parking lot, saying their final farewells and birthday wishes to Joshua before scattering for the holidays. Seungkwan nudged Seokmin when the two of them were alone. “I’ll go home with Vernon, okay?” he grinned.

         Seokmin couldn’t help but smile back. “I don’t need to know that.” Seungkwan’s grin immediately fell to an unamused glare.

         “Okay, rude. I was going to wish you good luck, but-.” Seokmin laughed a bit, tugging Seungkwan into a friendly side hug that was warmly returned. “But honestly, you don’t even need it. You basically confessed already.”

         “Oh, jeez.” Seokmin bushed as the memory flooded into his brain again. “That was not how I wanted to do it.” Seungkwan laughed in amusement, rubbing his hyung’s shoulder in reassurance.

         “I’m sure the actual one will be just fine too. I don’t think Joshua’s stopped swooning at your finger heart since. He’s begging you to confess without saying it.” Seokmin chuckled as Vernon approached, the duo waving goodbye before heading down the street to try and hail a cab. Jeonghan and Nayeon had the same idea, heading for a little stroll together in the snow before heading home. When Seokmin and Joshua were alone, the older opened the passenger’s seat of the car and smiled.

         “Shall we?” he asked.

         The ride was quiet for the first few minutes. Seokmin had returned his glove to Joshua once the car warmed up. He looked over at the driver, studying his features. “I’m glad you had a good time.”

         “A great time.” Joshua smiled. “We have to do it again! It was really fun.”

         “We should!” 

         “You looked like you were having a blast!” Seokmin felt his cheeks heat up at Joshua’s comment, nodding his head.

         “Yeah, I was.” He said. “I get a bit too much when I do karaoke, I think.”

         “Too much?” Joshua seemed shocked. “No way! You were amazing! It was nice seeing you have so much fun.” Seokmin’s heart skipped a beat then began pounding in his chest, feeling as if his entire body was going to explode if his heart beat didn’t slow down. He sat back in his seat, allowing the car to fall into another comfortable silence. Then, Joshua chuckled and cheekily commented: “I specifically loved your performance of…what was it? Candy in My Ear?”

         Embarrassment came and made Seokmin cover his face. “Please, if you’re going to talk about that one, let me get out of the car and stand in front of it so you can run me over.” Joshua threw his head against the back of his seat to laugh. “I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t want to tell you in that way.”

         The pregnant pause that followed Seokmin’s comment was enough to make him truly register what he just said. When he looked over to Joshua, he had stopped laughing, staring at him.

         “Tell me what?” his voice was soft. Seokmin’s hands dropped to his lap, and he looked out the window. “Seokmin?”

         “You already know…” he said softly, also embarrassed. He began picking at his fingernails, pressing his fingers together. “Everyone says it’s obvious…and I don’t know if I can say it…” He felt the car slow to a stop, and when Seokmin looked up, he realized they were already in front of his apartment. That gave him less time, and he was already striking out with each word that came from his lips. The car shutting off got Seokmin to look at Joshua, and he shifted in his seat.

         “You can try.” He said with an amused smile. “If it’s what I think it is, I’d rather hear it from you instead of a song anyway…”

A nervous tongue swiped shaking lips, and Seokmin wondered if he should just say nothing. Keep his mouth shut. Hold all of these feelings back because it felt much less scary when compared to the alternative. But he couldn’t do that. Eyes cast up to the sky from the window, he watched as the snow fell around them. His eyes landed on the front door of his apartment building. For a second, he wanted to run from the car, into his apartment, slam the door and curl up into a ball until this incessant nausea finally went away: but his feet refused to move. “Sorry.” He finally gasped. “I don’t really know how to…how to say it. It’s stupid.” 

“I’m sure it's not stupid.” He assured. Seokmin saw him lean closer. “What is it?” 

Nervous eyes scanned Joshua’s face as his cheeks heated up. “I just…” His gaze moved from Joshua to the stars in the sky that he could see from inside the car. For a second, he hoped that there would be a new constellation written in the stars to guide him through this. But there was nothing; he had to do this himself. There was nothing that could tell him what or say or how to say it, because nothing and nobody could explain it better than he could right now. Finally, with the words of encouragement from his friends acting as the shove he needed, he locked eyes with Joshua and took one final deep breath.

“I think – no – I don’t think. I-.” a frustrated sigh cut through, but he turned to Joshua and finally uttered: “I love you…” Once the words left his lips, it was like a damn in his mouth broke and he just kept talking. “I love you a lot. I’ve liked you since we met, but I recently realized that I’ve…loved you, you know? Maybe I’m overthinking it, because we’ve never said anything about it. But we do things like hold hands and flirt and…I really like it but I don’t want to overthink things and then be wrong.” He paused, adding: “But then the more I think about it, the more I think of the way you look at me sometimes…like…like…” he looked up to see a familiar expression of fondness on Joshua’s face. “Like that!” Joshua chuckled. “….I just don’t want to mess anything up which is why I’ve been really nervous to say anything because I don’t want you to hate me. I really don’t want you to hate me. But, I think I’m rambling now, and if I keep going I think I'll say something I’ll regret so…yeah. That’s it.”

Silence. The longest silence of Lee Seokmin’s life. He hated it; wanted to disappear into a hole where nobody would find him and hibernate until this entire interaction was long forgotten about. He looked at Joshua as he shifted more in his seat to get a better look at him. Seokmin let out a shaky breath. Joshua ran a hand through his hair, and when he opened his mouth, all he said was a simple: “I love you, too, Seokmin.”

         Seokmin felt his breath catch in his throat. Those five, little words floated into his ears, through his brain, down his spine and wrapped themselves around his heart in an attempt to calm its frantic beating. “…Y-yeah?” Seokmin choked out.

         “I don’t know if I can say it in as many words as you did off the cuff, but yes. I do.”

Seokmin let out a chuckle of disbelief. “Oh, come on. That was nothing but rambling.”

“It was.” Joshua clarified. “But it was adorable rambling; a completely different thing.” His eyebrows furrowed a bit, and Seokmin waited with baited breath for his next comment. “I only have one question for you.”

“O-okay.” Seokmin said shakily. Joshua leaned forward a bit, reaching out and taking his hands. Seokmin could feel the warmth in his touch as he looked to meet Joshua’s gaze. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Seokmin almost fell over. “W-what?”

“Can I…kiss you? You know, like-.” He playfully puckered his lips for a second. Seokmin offered a shy giggle. “I’ve wanted to since like-.”

“Yes.” Seokmin blushed at the eager response that slipped past his lips.

“…Yeah?” Joshua beamed when Seokmin offered a shy nod. Pulling their intertwined hands closer to him tugged Seokmin as close as possible sitting on opposite sides of the car. Finally, finally, after what felt like years of waiting in the span of 4 months, Joshua leaned in and kissed Seokmin.

This was not Seokmin’s first kiss. He kissed a few girls in school plays, and once kissed Mingyu on a dare in high school. Romantically, however, Seokmin had only kissed his previous boyfriend a few times; brief pecks under the stairs before parting ways for class. Those kisses made him feel like he was floating one moment, then confused the next. At the time, though, it felt as though they were everything, all he was ever going to get. All he deserved. 

But this…was an experience. Joshua’s lips were soft despite being exposed to the dry cold for the past few hours. Seokmin’s entire body felt electric, warmth blooming deep in his chest and stomach. He had been wondering what this moment would feel like for so long, anxious overthinking and comparison to that of romance novels. But this was not a scene written on paper for anyone to open and read; this was real. To Lee Seokmin, this was finally happening, and it was real.

It took Seokmin a few nervous seconds to realize he had yet to actually kiss back, leaning into the kiss. He wondered if Joshua could feel how much his hands were shaking, because the grip on them tightened a little bit.

When the duo pulled away, locking eyes, Seokmin felt his heart rate spike. He immediately pulled his hands back, covering his face. Turning his head, tears pricked shaky eyes and his cheeks felt like they were boiling under his hands. “What’s wrong?” Joshua asked softly.

“Nothing.” Seokmin choked out. “My heart’s just pounding a million miles a minute and I’m really happy. That’s all.” Joshua laughed a bit, encouraging Seokmin to peek out from behind his hands.

"Good. I was worried you were crying because the kiss was bad. I haven’t kissed someone in a while.” Seokmin shook his head in reassurance. Joshua reached out, thumbing away some of the tears sitting on Seokmin’s cheeks. “I’m glad they’re happy tears, but you shouldn’t cry.” He chuckled. “Come on, love…” 

When ‘love’ hit his ears, Seokmin let out a panicked noise, avoiding his gaze as his brain shut down. It took him a second to reboot before looking back over. Joshua’s hand stayed on his cheek for a second longer, swiping a few stray tears away before pulling back. “Do uhm…” Seokmin sniffled a bit, turning to face the apartment just outside of the car. “You want to come in for a bit? I can make tea…or coffee…or something.”

“Sure.” Seokmin watched as Joshua’s eyes curled into familiar crescent moons, putting the one hovering above them to shame. The newly proclaimed lovebirds got out of the car, Seokmin needing to make sure that his legs would be able to hold him up as he got to his feet. When Joshua came around the car, he offered his arm to Seokmin with a dopey grin on his face as the duo headed to the apartment.  

The trip up the elevator was quiet, both men standing shoulder to shoulder as Joshua scrolled through something on his phone. The elevator shook a bit on its trip up. Like a hive mind, Seokmin gripped Joshua’s arm to steady him at the same time Joshua reached his hand out to put on the small of Seokmin’s back, both turning to look at each other. “Heh.” Hoping to prevent his cheeks from tinting pink, he looked down at his feet. When the elevator doors opened, Joshua put his phone back in his pocket and led Seokmin out. Seokmin immediately felt Joshua’s hand still ghosting the small of his back, despite the elevator being several paces behind them by now.

Once inside, Seokmin started a pot of coffee while Joshua finished looking through photos on his phone. “What have you been looking at?” Seokmin asked, leaning against the counter for a better look.

“I haven’t posted online in a while, so I’m looking for some pictures from tonight.” He passed the phone between them. “I don’t have too many, though, I was having so much fun I didn’t even realize.” He chuckled.

Seokmin immediately pulled out his phone. “I took a lot!” He scrolled through an entire wall of photos taken from the beginning of the night to the very end; from photos of the decorated room to selfies with everyone in attendance. Joshua immediately pulled up a photo of the two of them, one of Seokmin taking a selfie that Joshua stuck his head in, and then the following photo where they threw up a peace sign.

“Send me those.” He said. “They’re cute. And one with you in the glasses.”

“Okay!” Seokmin smiled. “I’ll send you tons. Can I Airdrop them?” Joshua nodded, looking down at his phone. “I should post something, too…” Seokmin murmured in realization.

With the sound of the coffee pot warming up behind them, both pulled up their Instagram accounts and began selecting some of their favorite photos from the night. Just as Seokmin was about to put a nice, long message about how much fun he had, and how grateful he was for being able to get through finals, Joshua piped up with a question:

“…Can I say that you’re my boyfriend?”

Seokmin’s eyes shot up towards Joshua, who finally seemed to hold a nervous expression in his features. “…Is…are you…are you asking me out?”

Joshua paused for a second, seeming to think about the answer to the question himself. Finally, he nodded. “I mean…..” He said, a smile finally forming on his face. “Yeah, I guess, since I didn’t properly ask in the car. That wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me, now is it?” 

“You’re very gentlemanly…” Seokmin looked back down at the string of photos he had, ready to post. Almost all of them had Joshua in them, whether it was just the two of them or with a collection of friends. Seokmin wanted Joshua to be there, from now on, he wanted Joshua to always be with him. The sizzle of the coffee pot finally came to an end just as Seokmin nodded and said: “O-okay. I’ll…I’ll put it on too, then.”

The smile on Joshua’s face only widened. “Cool. Then, we can put our phones on silent while our friend groups blow up our phones. I can probably place bets on exactly what each person will say!”

“Heh. Me too.” Seokmin agreed. He edited his caption before setting his phone down on the kitchen counter and turning to pour two cups of coffee. When Joshua set his own phone down, he grinned in amusement, nestling closer to Seokmin and taking his own coffee mug.

“How long until people see the post?”

“Maybe five minutes? Seungcheol-hyung is always up to date with what’s going on.” Seokmin grinned as he took a sip of his drink. “And five minutes might be generous.” Joshua hummed behind his own mug. “Oh!” Seokmin gasped, turning to Joshua in shock. “I almost forgot something! Wait here! No, wait on the couch!” Setting the coffee cup on the counter, Seokmin headed straight into his room.

He emerged a few minutes later with a little bag he had gotten from the far back of his closet, seeing Joshua was sitting on the couch with both coffee cups on the table in front of him.  “I got you something for your birthday.”

Joshua’s eyes went wide. “What? You didn’t have to!”

“Of course, I did!” Seokmin sat at his side, setting the bag at Joshua’s side. “It’s nothing big. It’s part one.”

“Part one?” Joshua smirked, pulling out the sparkling white tissue paper.

“Yeah. Part two is for your actual birthday.” He said. “How else are you supposed to do birthday gifts?” Joshua laughed.

“Guess I can’t argue with that logic.” Joshua peered inside the bag and pulled out a little gift wicker basket wrapped in see-through paper with tons of different things inside. Joshua smiled a bit. “What is it?”

“Well, remember when you came over to study with nothing in your bag?” Joshua nodded. “I know you’ve gotten a few things to put in there but I wanted to get you some more stuff. An emergency kit, I guess.” He laughed nervously as Joshua began unwrapping the basket. “Is it stupid?”

“What? No!” Joshua said. “I love it! I was running low on some stuff anyway.” He pulled all of the stuff out to examine more. Most of it was simple; a few different packs of gums, winter-scented hand sanitizer, flavored lip balm, some cute flare pens - which Joshua said are a teacher’s dream pen - and a little amethyst crystal. Minghao said they ‘help with keeping someone in good health.’

Joshua pulled out a little keychain that was already open from the package. He held it close for a better look. It was a small plush Cinaroll keychain in a teacher’s outfit. “Stop, what?” He gasped in English. “It’s cute!”  

“I thought of you when I was shopping at the mall.” Seokmin said. He reached behind him and pulled out his own keychain, dangling it in between them. It was of Pochacco wearing an overexaggerated Shakespeare-esque outfit. “I got this one for me. They’re part of a set.”

“So, we have matching keychains?!” Joshua looked so excited it made Seokmin laugh. “Oh, perfect!” He turned to his white bag, hooking the keychain right onto the front. “Thank you. This is so awesome!”

Seokmin watched as Joshua squeezed the little plush keychain and took a minute to just admire him in the silence. He was so many things; smart, passionate, beautiful, generous, funny, he could go on for days. All the things that made Seokmin fall head over heels in love with him in the first place. Just thinking about how in love he was - how lucky he was - made him feel like anything was possible. 

“Now, I really want to kiss you again.” He admitted, eyes falling to Seokmin.

He was also so incredibly attractive, and impossible to refuse.

Seokmin didn’t even bat an eye when he practically gasped out: “Okay.” Joshua grinned, setting his gift on the coffee table so he could close the gap between them. He leaned in and immediately planted another kiss on Seokmin’s lips that made December feel like the middle of summertime.

Joshua Hong was his. For now, things felt perfect. 

To Be Continued in Part 2

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[thorin-apologist]

the big debut

sooo ive been writing this bagginshield fic on and off for the past 2.5 years, it isnt quite finished but im going to start editing and posting chapters very soon (expect month long hiatuses because im terrible) but i just wanna get it out there!!! so heres the prologue, which will be posted to ao3 along with chapter 1 whenever i finish editing it. if so much as one person likes this shit im gonna be spurred on to work faster. ANYWAYS heres the prologue under the cut!! (approx 2.7k words, no TW just slight angst)

Prologue

“You’d think I asked my cousins to die and leave behind a parentless child,” Bilbo said bitterly to Balin. He was getting quite sick of Thorin Oakenshield hastily leaving any room Bilbo walked into. In this instance, it was one of Erebor’s libraries.

“He doesn’t resent your decision to leave us,” said Balin as he led Bilbo to the section of books written in Westron. “In fact, I think he’s more ashamed of how upset he is – he thinks it is you, and only you, who should be allowed to grieve at this time.”

“Sounds ridiculous enough, so you’re probably right.” Thorin’s strange, stubborn ways never failed to exasperate Bilbo, even after one and a half years of knowing him. “So, is he just going to hide from me until I’m gone?”

“I’ll talk some sense into him, laddie.”

Bilbo perused the shelves with Balin at his side, flicking through books and handing Balin the ones that caught his eye. Although he had to force himself to skip over the thick, heavy, leatherbound volumes, he was determined to take as much of the Lonely Mountain he could carry back to the Shire with him, regarding all his chosen books and keepsakes as his real fourteenth share.

On the 22nd of September, just days ago, Gandalf had stopped by the Lonely Mountain to wish Bilbo a happy birthday - though of course, this was not his sole motive for coming. He joined the dwarven birthday celebrations, eating and drinking and singing with them all through the night, waiting until Bilbo’s merry mood began to dissipate with exhaustion before taking him aside and extinguishing any residual cheer left in him.

“I am sorry that I must dampen your spirits on a day of celebration, but there will be no right moment fit for this news and it’s best that I get it over with sooner rather than later.” Gandalf paused, waiting for the sleepy smile to slide off Bilbo’s face. “Upon my last visit to the Shire, I learned the news that your cousin Drogo and his wife Primula had drowned in a boating accident not long before my arrival. This was mere months after their son Frodo was born. He was taken in by the Brandybucks and will live at Brandy Hall indefinitely.” Gandalf fell silent again, but not for nearly as long as Bilbo needed to process the blow from this information. Gandalf’s next words echoed from far away: “Today is his first birthday - he shares the day with you. He would have a better life at Bag End…”

Bilbo had viewed the Shire as something he would ultimately return to when it pulled hard enough at his heart, but until that moment came, it wouldn’t hurt to stay in Erebor a little longer. However, a month had turned into two months, and two into three, and three into ten, and still he had not felt compelled to leave. It was only at this horrible news that he realised that life went on without him there - hadn’t stopped in his absence, waiting patiently for him to return at his leisure. In the end, it was the grief of losing two dear relatives, the thought of the orphaned boy, and the guilt of completely missing something so important that prompted his journey back to the Shire.

*

Balin must’ve done as he’d promised and given Thorin a talking to, because he finally came out of hiding and approached Bilbo just before his official send-off the next day. It was dawn, so the Lonely Mountain’s vast foyer was empty apart from him and Thorin. They faced each other in dim light by the towering entrance gates, Bilbo with an armful of books that Thorin narrowed his eyes at.

“Haven’t you outgrown burglary, Master Baggins?”

Bilbo smiled at Thorin’s folded arms, knowing he was not in any real trouble. “Maybe not. Why, going to banish me for it?”

Thorin laughed softly and dropped the stern façade. “Take whatever you desire. Erebor is forever indebted to you.”

Bilbo’s bare feet shuffled sheepishly on the smooth stone floor. He always felt awkward whenever anyone acknowledged his part in reclaiming Erebor. His actions had led to victory, but also to devastation for so many people, and the latter was what he remembered whenever it was brought up. He tried to push it from his mind, not wanting to dwell on it during his last moments inside this place. “Don’t tempt me, I might take something expensive.”

Thorin asked questions about Bilbo’s route home, whether Gandalf would accompany him for the whole journey, and if he had enough food and supplies to last them both. None of these things warranted a private conversation before the rest of the company came down, but Bilbo was glad for it to be this way.

Despite his close friendship with Thorin, they had rarely been alone together over these past ten months. Thorin was either out on regular visits to Dale and Lake Town, overseeing Erebor’s reconstruction, or being forced to sit down and look over what Bilbo liked to call ‘kingly paperwork’, which mainly consisted of reviewing outdated laws and renewing old trade agreements. Thorin worked hard, but for all his work, Bilbo knew that his gold-sick mistakes still plagued him. In any case, it was in Thorin’s nature to be among his people, joining in the grunt work instead of lounging on a throne and ordering others around. Bilbo enjoyed helping with the paperwork when he could, usually accompanied by Balin and sometimes Dain Ironfoot – Thorin’s most trusted royal advisors. On many occasions, Bilbo was invited to dine in the King’s private hall, meant only for royalty and any desired guests. This party usually consisted of Thorin, Fili and Kili, their mother Dis, and often Dwalin, Balin, and Dain. Bilbo would’ve liked to have seen Thorin outside of these settings, but this was virtually impossible. Now that he was leaving however, he knew he would cherish all the time he got to spend with Thorin’s family and the rest of the company.

The small talk drew to a natural close and a short silence fell. Thorin broke it.

“Do you have any intention of returning?” Thorin said it casually enough but refused to meet Bilbo’s eye. A book began to slip from under Bilbo’s arm. He caught it and wedged it back into place. Thorin added, “It will be a sore loss for Erebor’s counsel.”

“Balin will keep you right,” said Bilbo, stalling as he thought of how best to respond to the original question. “I would hate to never return. I hate that I’m leaving now.”

Thorin brightened. “So, you will come back? When you are able, I mean.”

Now it was Bilbo’s turn to avoid Thorin’s eye. “It’s not that simple. It was irresponsible of me to stay so long. Really it was irresponsible to come in the first place.” Thorin nodded, his eyebrows sinking back down. “Not that I regret it,” said Bilbo quickly, “No, not at all. But I have family; obligations…” Bilbo bit the inside of his cheek. “And I have already let them down by not being there. The funeral would’ve been months ago. And the boy, he needs—”

“Yes, of course. I know,” said Thorin gently, quelling Bilbo’s anxious rambling. “I know you must go back to your family. It was selfish of me to hope for anything else.”

On the contrary, it warmed Bilbo to know that Thorin Oakenshield wanted him to stay. A bolder Bilbo might’ve made it known to Thorin that he felt equally selfish, and that if Thorin elaborated on what he hoped, it might just persuade him to abandon his plans. But this conversation was already looking to become uncomfortable. Bilbo needed easy, clean goodbyes today.

Luckily, it was at that moment that the chattering of Fili and Kili began to echo into the foyer. They soon emerged from a connected hallway, accompanied by Dis, whom Bilbo had come to like very much. She had silver-streaked dark hair and a strong nose, like her brother Thorin, but she shared the same kind brown eyes as Kili. However, her beard was by far the most impressive of all her family; tamed, glossy, and styled in intricate braids.

“Knew he’d be the first one down. Thorin! Changed his mind yet?” Fili called as they all approached. Thorin rolled his eyes.

As soon as they came to the place Bilbo stood, Fili and Kili pulled him into a group hug, making him drop most of his books. Bilbo decided drop the rest so that he could reach up and put an arm around each of their shoulders.

These two had come especially close to death during last year’s war, as had Thorin. In the recovery tents as the battle died away, Bilbo sat at their bedsides with Dis, who had been a part of the army from the Iron Hills but had not managed to get to her family during the fight. During this time, she had opened up to Bilbo, telling him stories about Fili and Kili as children, and some surprising tales about Thorin in his youth. Bilbo learned about Frerin, her and Thorin’s brother who had been killed in battle before he could come of age, and of Dis’ late husband, who had died alongside him. It was then that Bilbo realised that her sons and Thorin were the only family she had left, and how close she had come to losing everything.

“Tauriel sends her love,” said Kili as he and Fili broke away, “she and Legolas are working on repealing the Elvenkingdom’s law against marriage between dwarves and elves. You might run into them in Mirkwood, actually – if they don’t end up banished again.”

“If I come past the Elvenking’s Halls, I’m marching inside and giving Thranduil a piece of my mind on the matter,” said Bilbo.

Dis stepped forward, smiling at him. “You are sweet, Bilbo,” she said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “It has been a joy to have you here. Our family will never forget what you have done for us.” Fili and Kili nodded in agreement.

“It has been an honour to be allowed to stay here for so long,” said Bilbo graciously, choosing again to ignore the uncomfortable latter statement.

“Don’t be silly, I am reluctantly allowing you to leave us,” she said. Bilbo smiled.

Dwalin and Balin came down next. Bilbo pretended not to notice Balin’s overly wet eyes, not wanting to copy them. Next came Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur. It had been Bofur whom Bilbo had ended up spending the most time around during his stay, as he was simply wonderful to be around; always finding ways to make Bilbo laugh after such a dark time. He gripped Bofur especially hard when they hugged, receiving hearty pats on the back in return.

Oin and Gloin soon joined the throng, and finally Ori, Dori, and Nori. Now that everyone was there, there was no point in delaying the inevitable. Dwalin and Dori headed over to either side of the gates and hauled the chains that opened them. The gates slowly parted outwards, revealing the bare grounds stretched out before the Mountain. The only things that had been added since the battle were some hastily built pens and huts dotted here and there. Mist obscured the horizon and muted the low-hanging sun’s rays.

Just outside the gates, Gandalf was standing by a cart attached to two horses and laden with all of Bilbo’s things. Bilbo and the company walked forwards into the chilly autumn morning. He reached the cart and loaded the last of his books. Gandalf looked down his long, crooked nose at him with sympathy in his eyes. Without saying anything, Gandalf gently patted Bilbo on the shoulder and boarded the cart. Bilbo turned around to face the fourteen dwarves, who were already huddling around him. They all took it in turns to embrace him (with some coming back for seconds), wishing him good luck and a safe journey.

When it was Thorin’s turn, he murmured in Bilbo’s ear as he held him, “Please write.” Bilbo nodded into the thick furs of Thorin’s cloak. They came apart for a moment. Then, to Bilbo’s shock, Thorin brushed his forehead against Bilbo’s. It was brief, but unmistakeable.

He heard a murmur from the group and hid his face as he climbed into the cart. Bilbo had been around dwarves long enough to know the gravity of that gesture. Bilbo valiantly tried to maintain his composure as he faced his dwarves for the last time.

“I will visit, if I can,” said Bilbo to the group, though he was looking at Thorin. Maybe it wasn’t as impossible as he had been telling himself; he might be able to find a babysitter once Frodo was old enough. Another impulse of irresponsibility might attack him again, and he could find himself running out the door without a handkerchief or a second thought. He would have to try a bit harder to fight these impulses now that he would have a child to look after. But if the last year and a half had taught Bilbo anything, it was that he could never be certain of what he might do next.

“You’d better,” Dwalin growled, and many of the others agreed in mutters.

“And likewise,” said Bilbo, his voice dangerously close to breaking, “you are all welcome at Bag End. Anytime.” As soon as you can, as often as you like, as many of you as Bag End can fit.

Gandalf took the reins and started the horses, guiding the cart away from the Lonely Mountain. Bilbo tried to keep his gaze on the dwarves, trying to burn their faces into his memory as they shrank away from him, but found that his eyes began to well. So, he twisted back around in his seat and faced the road ahead.

*

As soon as all the formalities regarding Frodo's adoption were dealt with, he had written a letter to Thorin, recounting his journey home, and greatly emphasising that he would love for them to meet again soon. The local postman would've surely fainted if Bilbo handed him a letter addressed to Erebor, so Bilbo entrusted his letter to Gandalf, who claimed he would be flitting to and from the East and West on ‘business,’ and would make sure it was delivered in good time.

Months later, Gandalf returned with Thorin's strangely formal response; that he would like nothing more, but he had to prioritise his duties as king and the ongoing restoration of Erebor. Bilbo understood of course - he had his own duties, what with being something of a parent, to be getting on with. Instead, he kept Thorin up to date with lengthy letters containing details of his contrastingly quiet life in the Shire, and many questions about the wellbeing of the other dwarves and what life as King under the Mountain was like. Sometimes he asked for advice on bringing up his nephew, as he knew Thorin had experience with Fili and Kili.

Bilbo wished for the same level of enthusiasm and detail in Thorin's replies but did not get it. In fact, each letter Bilbo received became shorter and more impassive than the last. Each time, Thorin found excuses to turn down Bilbo's (now somewhat persistent) attempts to reunite, whether it be in Erebor or Hobbiton. Bilbo couldn't fathom why this was. Thorin had earnestly requested that Bilbo write to him. Surely, he was not so busy that he couldn't write more than a few sentences. And if he was, why couldn't he get one of the others to write for him? After four years of this, Bilbo grew tired of how one-sided their friendship had become, and let frustration get the better of him. Halfway through a letter wishing Thorin a happy 200th birthday, he switched his tone and stated that Thorin need not reply if he no longer had the time of day for him.

Six more years passed, and he had not received another letter.

*****

aaaand because theres absolutely no way you could guess whats actually gonna happen in this fic just from the prologue, here’s a cheeky synopsis!

After years of lost contact, Thorin turns up on Bilbo’s doorstep with an awkward greeting and a dire warning. Upon learning about Gandalf’s uncharacteristically sinister plans regarding the ring, the hobbit and the dwarf king decide to take matters into their own hands. But are their hands the safest ones to carry the ring? (Spoiler: absolutely not).

[asexual-spongebob]

The Waves That Lap The Shore - Chapter 19 - Kwazii’s Announcement

Notes:

FUCK YEAH CALICO JACK! I’ve wanted to have him in a chapter for awhile but it wasn’t clicking. Until now. Here’s my hc for him :) Calico Jack - ftm, he/wave, oriented aroace and omni. Also I’m so sorry abt the nirvana lyrics. I couldn’t help myself + I like to think it’s something paani would like (aka me projecting myself into my favs)

Shellington and Peso were sitting near a dock, “Hey, Shellie. Want the rest of my sandwich? Peso offered “I couldn’t finish it.” It added “sure!” Shellington said, snatching the other half of the sandwich right out of Peso’s flipper and eating it all in one bite.

Peso had a shocked look on his face “sorry.. I was a wee bit hungry-“ Shellington apologized, smiling awkwardly “Im glad we found Kwazii. That was scary.” Shellington sighed of relief “me to. I thought something really bad happened…” Peso replied.

“Where are they anyway?” Peso questioned “he said that him and Paani were going somewhere. I think it said the Amazon.” Shellington recalled, moving his bangs out of his face.

••• 

Kwazii and Paani took the Gup-A to the Amazon, Paani was sipping his Tropicana Orange Juice while Kwazii was driving. 

“So when are we gonna be at your granddad’s?” Paani asked, they were getting impatient “uh.. soon.” Kwazii mrrped, looking at its GPS. 

Paani decided to listen to some music to pass the time. She dug around in her bag for her earbuds damn it where are those things! Paani asked himself, only to find the earbuds not long after.

He scrolled through his Spotify playlist this should do.He decided. Turning the volume all the way.

Like most babies smell like butter

His smell smelled like no other

He was born scentless and senseless

He was born a scentless apprentice

Hey

Go away, go away

Blasted in their ears, until Kwazii tapped them on the shoulder. Paani took out their earbuds 

“Hey matey. We’re here.” Kwazii said, them and Paani got out of the gup.

“Ahoy granddad!” Kwazii called from below, “Ahoy Kwazii! Ahoy Paani! Nice to see you!” Calico Jack smiled, “raw! Ahoy Kwazii! raw! Ahoy Paani!” Pete repeated, Kwazii and Paani went up into Calico Jack’s tree house.

“So um. I gotta tell you something.” Kwazii began, he glanced over at Paani, Paani nodded. “Me and Paani are dating.” Kwazii proclaimed, Calico Jack went quiet for a moment, collecting waves thoughts “congratulations!” He grinned “thank you” Kwazii smiled, happy about his grandfather’s approval. 

“Your welcome Kwazii.” Calico Jack said.

“I’m glad you’re okay, matey.” He added “same here… that was scary.” Paani agreed, glancing at Kwazii. “How did that even happen in the first place?” Calico Jack asked, in a polite manner. “Oh um… I was having an episode.. and I got so bad that I swam all the way to Sydney…” Kwazii began “yeah we had to look all over Australia for him. I found him though.” Paani added “mhm… I’m glad I’m okay now.” Kwazii finished. 

“How did ye swim all the way to Sydney matey?” Calico Jack questioned “oh.. shit I forgot to tell you.” Kwazii began “So um. Genuinely don’t know how to say this but um.. I’m a shark. There was this pool of water in his cave on Mako Island and um. It turned me and Peso into mermen.” Kwazii said “oh and. Shellington is also a merman. He went to some weird sea caves in Ireland on a full moon and became one. He became one first.” Kwazii added. 

Calico Jack took a moment to think his grandson was now a fish?? He thought in slight disbelief. But then wave remembered that wave had seen weirder things in wave’s life as a pirate. “That’s, nice Kwazii” he finally said, Kwazii thanked him.

The three chatted for a little while longer, soon it was time to go. “Bye granddad” Kwazii meowed as he hugged Calico Jack “goodbye Kwazii! Save travels matey!” Calico Jack meowed back.

Kwazii dove into the water, his shark tail appeared in seconds “bye Calico Jack!” Paani said, waving goodbye and joining Kwazii, the two swam back to the gup, holding each other’s hand.

•••

Kwazii and Paani got back from the Amazon, Dashi and Tweak stood in the Launch Bay, giggling about something while eating some lunch “Ahoy Mateys! I finally told me grandad about the fish thing!” Kwazii smiled “wonderful!” Dashi replied, wiping some icing off of her mouth.

“Great Kwaz!” Tweak said “thanks matey!” Kwazii said, getting out of the Launch Bay tank and onto the floor “do you need some help there, Kwaz?” Paani asked “yeah maybe-“ Kwazii answered “alright then.” Paani said before scooping Kwazii up in his arms.

Paani took Kwazii up to Shellington’s lab “hey guys were back.” Paani proclaimed “yeah I told me granddad about the fish thing!” Kwazii added, his tail was now gone. He now had legs again. 

“What did he say?” Shellington questioned curiously “he said “he said it was nice” Kwazii grinned “yeah! We also told him about us.” Paani proclaimed “he said it was nice.” Paani added. “Good!” Shellington said “oh yeah and Shellington at half a sandwich in a bite.” Peso giggled “I was hungry okay.” Shellington giggled back. 

“Anyway I think we’re gonna get some sleep now.” Kwazii yawned, Paani nodded in agreement. 

Paani and Kwazii went to Kwazii’s room and crashed on the bed, Paani took off their jacket and kicked off their shoes, Kwazii did the same thing, but instead of a jacket it took off its vest and kick off its boots. 

Kwazii let out little purrs as they placed their head in Paani’s neck fur.

[that-one-producer]

Journal Entry: 8/22/24

Hello again, it’s been 12 days since my last entry, I’m so sorry for the delay but I really haven’t had much time to think. They always kept me busy and I was only allowed one hour of screen time. I utilized that hour by either talking to my lovers or my son or simply just catching up on work emails, making sure everything is alright with the company. Turns out a lot of shit happened while I was gone, now another artist is dead and my main producer is out due to said artist assaulting him. That was so hard to hear, I hope Nico is okay, I’ll have to give him a call later and check on him.

Im now finally out of the hospital. I am still recovering but im not the broken man I once was before stepping foot in that place. After writing my first entry, I pushed myself to do better to try harder to not wallow in my self pity. I started talking to the psychiatrist and doing the activities they placed upon me. Some of em I hated but others I didn’t mind. I was grateful there weren’t any cameras in my room so I shifted into my wolf form on days where it felt hard for me. But I feel 100% better, I feel 100% free from the burden I used to carry and now I’m finally out that bitch.

Upon coming home, Arlo came and picked me up I missed his sweet cherrywood scent, his smile, his cute little dimples. Immediately I have him a big kiss, I’ve missed my little beta dearly. It was great seeing his pretty face considering he still works as a pharmacy technician at the main hospital, it was refreshing and definitely worth the surprise. We had went to eat lunch before he dropped me off at home where I was greeted by Isaac. I couldn’t help but tackle him and kiss him all over his face, scenting him as I missed my calm lover. I laid there and cried on his shoulder, overwhelmed by so much but I was happy, happy at the fact that I was no longer alone, the bed was no longer gonna be cold and I can sleep peacefully. Eric wasn’t home yet so that gave all three of us the opportunity to set up a small surprise for him. We cooked his favorite dishes, made him a special dessert even invited Danny and David along for this small get together. It was a very intimate experience and I’ll never forget the look on Eric’s face, the tears we both shed upon tangling in each others embrace.

Since that night we sat down in his office and we talked. We talked about everything that’s happened the past month and a half, everything we’ve been feeling, all the pent up frustration and anger just vanished upon seeing him so soft spoken towards me. I knew he felt guilty and blamed himself but it was not his fault. I forgave him just like I forgave myself. I agreed that we both should’ve handled the situation differently and thought logically but in the future we know to handle these types of situations better and more diligently.

For once I felt complete again, we didn’t sleep that night. We went out on the streets of LA reminiscing on when we had first met, rekindling that spark and Joy that I always feel when looking at Eric. During the night his hands started to linger, his kisses became longer, and the mere love and attraction we have most certainly didn’t go unnoticed, even when taking me back home we didn’t stop. I love Arlo and Isaac but Eric was my first real love, the one who accepted me at my best and my worst, the one who always protected me as I did him, the one who’s my safe space and the one I call Home. My best friend.

As I close this chapter in my life, I will still continue to be a better man, a better person and not let my emotions get in the way of my actions. I will continue to go to therapy with Joon and take my medication. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders since being home and I couldn’t thank My 3 Husbands, all my kids, all my extended family and my peers for helping me get through this. I have so much love and gratitude in my heart from all the support. I will make sure my staff and peers get good mental health care and I will start to weed out all the bad westerners who do my staff wrong. I will continue to be a good role model for my peers and my many fans. Thank you, thank you all for listening to me and making me feel heard and validated.

Until next time - Jay

Journal Entry: 8/10/24

I don’t really know where to start. But let’s start with the fact that I, Jay Lee-Kim have messed up entirely. I killed someone to protect my husband, to protect my integrity, to protect my pride, my ego. She attacked him and all I saw was red. My wolf consumed my body faster than my human side could comprehend and i snapped, went rogue and ended her life. Before I knew it, I was in Jail, blood on my hands, on my clothes, on my face. I couldn’t wash it off, I couldn’t get rid of it. Eric went home that day trying to figure out how to get me out but I was still berserk, my eyes never changed back but I didn’t resist I didn’t retaliate, I listened to all commands of law enforcement. My wolf was in control for a while, suppressing my human side because of the guilt. I don’t regret killing her but I regret the circumstances it became to get to that point.

Upon coming home I witnessed my two lovers fighting, my heart sunk even more. Watching them point blame’s at each other making it about themselves when I was the one who was really hurting inside so I turned to the one person I knew who would always have my back… my Son Jamie. Jamie and Aera took care of me. I cried and cried til I couldn’t cry anymore, I was numb and depressed. I lost myself upon coming home, I’m a different man than what I was before going to New York. Isaac and Arlo came to console me, Eric wasn’t anywhere to be found, having ran off with Danny like he normally does. I hadn’t spoken to him since the incident, he was still angry and upset, so I sat with my tail between my legs and my pride shut down, disconnecting my emotions for a while so no one could feel the hurt and sadness I was experiencing.

Killing her was not the problem for me, the problem is the amount of pride I bestowed upon myself that I wouldn’t ever kill any living being regardless of good or evil. She was evil, vile and wicked. Her soul belonging to the underworld as she roamed the halls of Fame aimlessly. None of this would have even happened if she didn’t take credit for tracks she didn’t write, she stole discrediting the people who spent hours trying to help her get a smash hit album. And now where am I? In a psych ward, mute and still numb, trying to come to terms with the fact that she’s gone and my life had drastically changed since then. For a while I thought I was getting better. Picking up old hobbies, going to see Joon for therapy, going running and swimming but it didn’t help the guilt I still felt on my human side.

I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’m a failure or that I’m a bad person, but the trauma has been eating me alive, reliving the same moments over and over, shaking and screaming in terror every night when I’m asleep is a deeper feeling. The imagery spreads like wildfire, unable to really piece together the series of events that lead to that point. It was just self defense, I’m not a murderer. I was provoked and it was fight or flight mode. I couldn’t let her hurt Eric even more so I did what I did, I’m not proud of it but there’s nothing I can do about it now. My mental state is crippling and scattered. I’m not heavily drugged up but I’m drugged up enough to forget the pain, to forget the sorrow. I mourn the man I once was but I know I can be better, I can be stronger for the sake of myself and my family.

I must continue to strive and get better. Things are better between Eric and I as well as Isaac and Arlo. I miss them, I miss their warmth beside me, their hugs and kisses. I want to continue to grow and move past this. I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself, for feeling weak, I often question my ranking as an Alpha because why did I feel remorse? A lot of unanswered questions zoom and buzz in my brain a million miles per minute. My values and integrity have changed, the perspective on life is much more different than the Jay I was before.

The stars will align soon again, I must get rid of the grief and open up more but my heart is resisting. Possibly because I’m not ready to face the outcome of everything just yet but I don’t constantly want to live my life in fear. I’m an alpha for fucks sake. This was probably a mess and all over the place but that’s the start of my journey. I hope in the future I can write more and be better.

Until next time - Jay

[samaraj]

Title - Second Chances - Bonus Chapter “Gigi”

Pairings - Sy x reader

Warnings - Smut, insecurities/body issues, childbirth

You were 38 weeks pregnant with your second daughter, your first baby with your husband Sy. It was a hot summer day and you were feeling so uncomfortable. You tried not to let it show as you were over at your friend Karen’s place for a BBQ. She was married to Neil, one of Sy’s soldiers in the army and you spent a fair bit of time together. You watched as Crimson continued to jump from the side of the pool into Sy’s arms and laugh. She’d just started school and was growing up so fast. Your heart swelled as you watched Sy plant a big sloppy kiss on her cheek.

“No running Crim! You can stand on the side but no running on the wet cement!” You rolled your eyes as Sy gestured for you to calm down. You knew she was safe with him, but your hormones were a mess lately. That combined with the sight of your husband’s muscular physique in the pool. You’d avoided intimacy lately because you felt fat and were embarrassed to tell Sy. He’d just returned from his last overseas assignment, which meant he had been apart from you for months. While he seemed in awe of your body, you felt insecure. He left you when you were only three months into this pregnancy and you weren’t even showing. When he returned you were into your seventh month and you felt like he’d missed out on a lot.

“Hey mumma bear relax”. Karen handed you a glass of punch and sat down in the chair opposite you. “She’s with a soldier and an army captain. They protect the country so think Crimmy is pretty safe”.

“I know”. You huffed as you looked down at your swollen ankles. “I’m just … hot and bothered”.

“She’ll be here soon”. Karen laughed. “You over it huh?”

“I’m just … so much bigger than I was last time! I mean look at my belly! And she’s measuring big Karen. Crim was six and a half pounds. They’re telling me that this girl will be closer to eight and a half!”

“Look at her Daddy!” Karen laughed. “What did you expect? An itty bitty baby?”

You groaned and through your head back. You were defiantly ready to have this baby.

“I’m going to go swim with Neil and Crim. Looks like Sy’s coming over to check on you”. Karen touched your shoulder as she walked past. You watched as she whispered something to Sy on the way and you rolled your eyes. You knew they were all worried about you lately.

“Hey beautiful”. Sy grabbed a beer and sat down next to you. He rubbed the towel he was carrying over his chest and arms before leaning in to kiss you.

“I’m not beautiful”. You pouted. “I’m as big as a whale Sy!”

“You don’t get to decide what I think Sugar. You’re beautiful”. Sy took a long sip of his beer. “Fucking sexy too I might add”.

“Sexy?” You scoffed as you finished off your punch.

“Yeah sexy. You heard me woman”. Sy’s hand rubbed your stomach. “You gonna give me another beautiful daughter real soon honey. I’m just so sorry I missed watching you grow”.

“Sy I feel ..” Your bottom lip trembled. Darn your hormones! “I want her out. Im just tired and I feel ..”

“I know love. You’re doing so well Sugar, you know that? You’re my Queen and you’re carrying her and doing an amazing job already”. Sy kissed your hand. “Im so proud of you”.

Something inside you stirred whenever he praised you. You snuggled into him and breathed in his scent.

“You’re my good girl aren’t you love? You like that huh? Wish we were alone right now”. Sy whispered into your ear. “What did the doc say huh? There were a few things we could try to bring on labor?”

“Sy!”

“We tried spicy food, the bump car ride ..” Sy laughed then kissed your neck. “But you haven’t let me touch you for going on a month now”.

“I feel fat”. You whispered. “I’m not the same Sy.. when you left I had this cute little belly and nice boobs. Now I’m just huge”.

“Sugar” Sy cupped your face. “I love you. I’m telling you I want you all the time. I love how you’ve changed, I love experiencing this with you. Crimson is my girl you know that but this right here ..” Sy touched your belly. “This is my baby growing inside of you. Do you know what that does to me huh? Knowing that I made her with you?”

“You still want me? Really?”

“Really! I haven’t pushed you because I don’t want you to have that pressure”. Sy paused. “We dont even have to have sex. But I just want to touch you .. make you feel good”.

“Sy I’ve wanted you for weeks. I just feel like I’m big .. I’ve got some stretch marks on my thighs!”

“My opinion is what should matter to you. I don’t fucking care about stretch marks!”

You covered your face on your hands, feeling stupid. Why didn’t you just tell Sy how you were feeling before?

“I’m sorry Sy”.

“No worries Love. Just talk to me ok?” Sy smiled at you. “My wrist has been sore with how much jacking off ive had to do”.

“Sy!!”

“Well it’s the truth! Got this beautiful sexy woman in my bed but cant touch her. Been driving me crazy”.

“I should have spoken to you. I’ve been going crazy too .. watching you working out so much at our gym. Sy you’re .. hot”.

“You think I’m hot? Sugar this is all yours darling”. Sy winked at you as he gestured to himself.

“I love you”.

“I love you too beautiful”.

You felt a weight lift off your shoulders. You missed Sy so much. Sure he was home and it was great to be able to have help with Crimson, but you missed that closeness you both had. You felt frustrated that you’d bought it upon yourself.

You spent the afternoon in the pool and enjoying the BBQ that your friends had organized before it was time to head home. Crimson was exhausted, and you felt much the same.

You managed to get your daughter in the shower while Sy made her a smoothie and put on her favourite movie. You spent some time cuddling on the lounge with your two favorite people before Sy carried her off to bed before the movie credits after she fell asleep.

“You tired love?” Sy stood at the foot of the bed and with one hand reached behind his head and pulled off his t shirt. You were laying back, propped up by some pillows as you watched him. You felt your face heat up when he winked at you. “Can I give you a massage?”

“Would you? My legs hurt and my feet … Jesus Sy I can’t even see them”.

“Just relax sweetheart”.

You moaned as soon as Sy’s hands made contact with your calves. Soon he was massaging your skin and easing the tension away.

“Feel good love?”

“Mmmm”

He continued to the point when you were completely relaxed before he eased your thighs apart and started massaging your inner thighs. At this point you were moaning.

“Can I touch you Sugar?”

“Yes Sy”. You felt your husbands hands take hold of either side of your cotton underwear before pulling them off your legs. Soon his fingers were massaging your clit and you were momentarily shocked at the noises coming from your own mouth. You were moaning like a porn star.

Sy’s mouth was suddenly on you, sucking on your clit while easing a finger inside your body. You looked down from in between your legs and wished you could see him over your big belly. You could see him moving his own hips against the mattress and you almost came at the sight.

“Sweetest pussy”. Sy murmured before his mouth covered you.

“Sy please”. You were panting and holding your full breasts through your t shirt.

“Cum for me sugar”. Sy’s mouth alternated between kissing, sucking and using his tongue before you found your release with a cry of his name.

“How was that babe?”. Sy kissed your thigh and moved up so that you could see him.

“So good Sy. I want you inside me”..

“No Sugar. I can wait till after she comes. I just wanted to make you feel good”.

“Please Sy .. I’m ready”. You stared at him. “I need you”.

“Sugar ..”

“Sy I’m ok”. You pulled at his shoulders but quickly realized your belly was just too big. You through your head back with a groan. “I want you but I’m just .. I’m too big! I can’t see how this will work!”

“You want me huh?” Sy smirked at you before moving up on his knees and helping you up with his hands. He got off the bed and motioned for you to lie on the edge. He pulled under your ass until he had you right where he wanted you. “This ok Sugar?”

“How …”

“Been doing some reading. Oh wait!”

He moved to grab one of your pillows and placed it behind your head.

“There you go love”. Sy bent over you to kiss you lips. “Now open up those legs for me darling”. His hands rubbed at your hips until you spead your legs open.

“Sy”. You moaned as you watched him stand up and look between your outstretched thighs. His thumb was on your clit while he stroked himself with his other hand.

“So beautiful”, Sy was mesmerized by you. “Why’d you ever shy away from me Sugar?”

“Please Sy ..”

“You tell me if at any stage you feel uncomfortable won’t you love?”

“Yes”

You felt him rub his cock up and down your drenched opening a few times before he started pushing inside you. His hands moved to your knees, keeping you spead wide for him. You moaned as he took his time with you, easing in slowly while whispering words of praise along the way.

“Good girl, that’s it love. You’re such a good girl taking me so well”.

“Sy!” You felt yourself get wetter and knew that he felt it by the way that he clenched his jaw in an effort not to thrust into you.

“Fuck you’re gripping me love. You feel so good … oh Sugar I’ve missed you”.

“Sy .. you can go faster ., please. I’m ok”.

“Shhhh love. I don’t need anything but this feeling. I can take all night with you. You just lay there looking like a goddess for me ok?”

You reached up to your t shirt and pushed it up, exposing your heavy breasts and watched as Sy’ mouth dropped open. Your hands held them as you watched Sy lick his lips.

“You trying to kill me?” He grunted as he tentatively thrusted into you. “This ok love?”

You nodded as your hands caressed your breasts. Your fingers rubbing across your sensitive nipples.

“You’re so beautiful”.

“Sy please I need more”

“Yeah? Anything for you Sugar”. Sy started thrusting into you but you were well aware that he wasn’t giving you his entire length. You knew he was being careful but your body also knew that it wasn’t getting it’s complete fill of him.

“Sy! You’re only half way in”.

“How’d you know that?” Sy smirked as he continued to move inside you. “You can’t see over this beautiful belly”.

“I can feel you! I know you’re holding back. Please Sy let me feel you”.

“Let me know it it hurts ok?”

You watched as he thrusted fully into you before scanning your face. When he heard you moan he did it again.

“Fuck”. Sy muttered as he started building a rhythm. “This ok love? Baby ok?”

“Yes Sy. Don’t stop!”

“Ok ma’am”

Sy pushed your thighs apart until they were practically touching the mattress. He fell forward, supporting his weight on his arms that were on either side of your head. You could feel your release building and the intensity of it was overwhelming. You looked up at Sy and his eyes were glued on yours. You looked at his arms .. huge, muscles straining .. god this man was everything.

“Cum for me love”. Sy grunted, clearly trying to hold off his own release.

Your hands wrapped around his neck, trying to get closer to him but your stomach made the task impossible. You bought his face to yours and you kissed passionately as you came. His mouth on yours muffled your cries and soon he pulled away for air as he surrendered to his own release.

After a few moments he moved carefully off you. You watched as he stood up and smiled before heading into the bathroom and bringing back a warm hand towel to clean in between your legs. Only then did he lay beside you and roll you over to face him. His hands rubbed your stomach gently.

“You ok Sugar?”

“More than ok Sy. I wish we had of done that sooner. I feel ..” you laughed as you kissed his lips. “Relaxed”.

“I’m glad love. I’ve missed you sweetheart”. Sy kissed your lips again. “You’re so beautiful and I just feel .. I’ve missed a bit of this pregnancy. I don’t want to miss out on anymore”.

“I’m sorry”

“Hey now don’t go being sorry. I was the one away on duty and left you barely pregnant. I came back and you had this big beautiful belly that I just wanted to touch all the time, but I didn’t realize you were feeling insecure”.

“I just .. well sometimes I look at myself and look at you”. You felt your cheeks redden. “I think how did I ever get so lucky? I mean look at you Sy! Every time we pass a woman she makes eyes at you”.

“Now you listen here ..” Sy cupped your face. “I don’t care about other women. I love YOU and I only want you. You need to start believing that Sugar. I know you’re a bit emotional now. I understand that. But love to me you are the most sexiest woman alive”.

“I love you Sy”. You felt Sy’s hands caress your breasts and stomach. “I love you so much”.

“Right back at you darling”. Sy kissed the top of your head as you both dozen off for a few hours.

“That was much better than spicy food and the bumpy car”. You muttered as you felt sleep overcome you.

“Good to hear”. Sy chuckled. “You need more, you just come tell me woman”.

You woke him up a few hours later feeling like he’d ignited something inside off you. Soon you were riding him with his cock buried deep inside of you. Your hands rested on the bed head while Sy’s held your full breasts.

“Oh my god”. You looked down as Sy took your nipple into his mouth while you moved up and down. You looked at the way your large stomach rested on his abdominal muscles - a complete contrast to each other but suddenly you felt like you’d never seen anything more perfect. “I’m coming!”

You felt a coil inside you explode and your hands dropped to Sy’s chest. You looked down as he thrusted his hips up into you chasing his own release.

You leaned back slightly as your hand fell between your legs to rub your clit. Was it possible? You felt your legs tingle. You couldn’t believe you could come again.

“Gonna make me chase this pussy huh?” Sy grunted as he shifted to get a better angle.

You felt that familiar feeling stir inside you. Sy rarely talked dirty in bed. You knew he had that side from the way that he talked with his friends but for some reason he never did it with you. You’d questioned him once and he said that you were his wife and he wanted to love and respect you. But didn’t he understand that hearing him say those things got you off? Maybe you needed to initiate it?

“Fuck me Sy”

You watched as his movements slowed and his mouth dropped open in surprise.

“Sugar?”

“I want you to fuck me”. You ground your hips into him. “I know you want to Captain”.

“Fucking hell Sugar! What’s come over you?” Sy searched your face.

“Sy please …” You touched yourself faster. “I’m about to give birth and god knows when I’ll have you next so … just fuck me!”

“Babe?”

“And talk to me .. I want you to”.

“Jesus”. Sy kissed between your breasts. “I can feel you clenching”.

“Sy!”

“Ok Sugar”. Sy started thrusting up into you. “You going to cum again huh? Yeah you are aren’t you? Need you to come on my cock. I know you’re close ..,” Sy massaged your breasts as you felt yourself on the edge of another release. “Such a good girl. Fuck you take me so good. Such a tight little pussy huh? You like this big cock in your little pussy sugar?”

You felt Sys hand cover your mouth as you screamed. You were shaking and Sy literally had to hold you up as he exploded inside of you. You fell forward wanting to rest in his arms but he quickly rolled you to your side to not put any pressure on your belly.

“Well if that doesn’t get her going..” Sy laughed.

“Surely!” You kissed Sy’s chest as you snuggled into him. “I can’t believe we did it twice!”

“At 38 weeks pregnant”. Sy laughed and shook his head. He pushed some hair behind your ear before kissing your forehead. “You like a bit of dirty talk love?”

“Yeah but you never …”

“I stop myself. I try to be a gentleman around you because that’s what you deserve”.

“You are a gentleman Sy. But when we’re alone and intimate I just want whatever comes natural”,

“Mental note”. Sy tapped the side of his head. “Think we should shower?”

“Yeah I think we need it”. You let Sy help you up and follwed him to the bathroom cradling your bump. You waited while he tested the temperature of the water before you followed him in. His hand held yours tightly in case you slipped.

“Oh that’s nice”. You felt the warm water on your skin and smiled as Sy washed his face. Suddenly you felt a terrible cramping pain and you gripped Sy’s arm.

“Sugar?”

“Oh my god I think .. I think I’m having a contraction!” You rested your arms on Sy’s chest as you groaned. “Oh yeah that’s a contraction”.

“Are you serious? Love? Are you sure?” Sy looked at you in disbelief. You suddenly realized that he had every right to panic. This was his first baby.

“Yeah but I have awhile to go Sy. Don’t worry this is just the start”. Your hands rubbed your stomach. “You ready Daddy?”

“Yes! No!” Sy shook his head. “I thought we’d have a week at least!”

“Well sex obviously worked!”

“I didn’t think it would. Kinda thought they were all old wives tales!” Sy looked at you. “Shit! Love we’ve been up all night! You haven’t had much rest and now you’re going to be having a baby!”

“Sy I’m ok”. You leant into his arms. “Just knowing you’re here for me is a relief”. Your mind drifted to birthing your first daughter with Tom. She arrived a week before he was due back so you had her with Tom’s mother by your side.

“Hey I’m here love. I got you ok? We’re a team remember?”

“I know”

“I’m not leaving you”. Sy quickly started to wash your body. “Now let’s get you dry and into something comfortable while I call the midwife and Lynette to see if she can watch crim”.

The next few hours were a blur as you labored at home. Sy was incredible and switched into Captain mode - taking full charge of the situation and doing anything to help you. When it was time to go to the hospital you felt calm. Completely different to when you had Crimson. It was the support Sy gave you, his strength and determination.

Soon you we’re ready to give birth but with a different sense of control over your body. Sy gave you the confidence to do what felt natural so you asked the midwife if you could use the floor with a huge birthing ball to lie over. Your experience on your back with Crimson was hard, and at times you felt like you were pushing uphill instead of down.

“You ok love?” Sy was at your front, pushing your hair back and rubbing your shoulders. “You do what feels better for you ok?”

“When you feel the urge to push let us know” your midwife was behind you as you rocked on the ball. And as you felt a big contraction hit you nodded and cried out.

“I need to push!” You bore down and pushed hard before the midwife told you to relax. “It hurts Sy!”

“I know Sugar. But you’re doing so good baby”.

You saw the look of love in Sy’s face and it was enough to keep you going. You’d been pushing for awhile and you wondered if it would ever end. You were exhausted and started crying.

Sy wiped your face and lent in close to your ear. He started telling you how proud he was of you, how strong and beautiful you were and then told you how you had to do this. You had to find the strength to push your baby girl out. And then came the words that you needed.

“Come on Sugar. I’m waiting to become a Daddy to this little girl”.

Your heart melted and you pushed as hard as you could and then you felt her leave your body followed by her beautiful cry. Sy kissed your lips before moving down the other end to cut the cord. When he came back up he was crying.

“Thank you Sugar. God she’s beautiful ..”

“Oh Sy ..” you kissed his lips. “I need to see her”.

“Just a second Mrs Syverson”. The midwife talked you through pushing out the placenta then told you the good news .. no stitches even though this girl was big. The nurses helped you turn over and you took your baby girl, bringing her straight to your chest.

“Hello there sweetie”. You cooed to the little baby who looked just like her Daddy. Sy was right next to you, touching the baby’s little hand. “You’re exactly like Daddy huh?”

You cuddled her close before passing her to Sy. He took her gently and held her in his big arms.

“Beautiful girl I’m your Daddy”. Sy looked at you and smiled. “Gia?”

“Gia” you nodded. “Perfect Sy”.

“She’s just .. everything love. My heart is so full right now. Thank you for bringing her into the world”.

“Thank you for being there Sy. I couldn’t have done it without you. I love you so much”.

“Love you more Sugar. We have two girls now!” Sy kissed Gia’s head. “Look at her love. We made her!”

“I know”. You smiled as you rested your head back against the pillow. You were exhausted but after you and Gia were cleaned up you managed to bring her to your breast. Unlike Crimson, she was a natural.

“Look at that”. Sy watched in awe. “That’s just incredible”.

“She takes after you with her food”. You smiled and reached to touch Sy’s face. He kissed your hand before moving onto the bed with you towards your side. He watched as Gia nursed and his hand gently rubbed over her head down to her tiny cheek.

“What are you thinking”. You smiled at Sy. “You look lost in your thoughts”.

“Just thinking how lucky I am Sugar”. Sy kissed your head. “I never thought I’d have a life like this .. a family of my own. Three beautiful girls. I’m so blessed”.

“I love you so much”. You intertwined your fingers with Sy’s, resting your hands over Gia’s back. “We made her Sy”.

“We did”. Sy’s lips moved softly across your cheek.

You breathed out deeply. If there was a moment in time you could save in your memory forever, it was this one.

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[cyncerity]

Finding Family

Chapter 3

1 2 3

notes:

ITS HERE IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CHAPTER

Literally I’ve had this moment in the plot planned for months. I’m talking probably more than half a year. It’s been in the making for a while, which might explain why it’s so long, i’m so sorry it’s like 4k words.

with that said, tw for panic attack, angst, and general cursing, and i hope you enjoy!!

The day it all started began fairly normal. The humans in their apartments woke up and made breakfast, like any other day, and the borrowers in their walls minded their business while waiting for the humans to leave.

On this particular day, however, three of those said borrowers were preparing for what may be the riskiest thing they ever did.

“And you’re sure this is a good idea?”

“Of course, bossman! We’ll be careful, promise.” Tommy said as he finished rewrapping the line to his hook, triple checking it before passing it off to his nervous looking best friend. Tubbo looked down at the hook and Tommy sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder. “We run at the first sign of trouble, nothing bad will happen. It’s just a little detective work nothing serious.” Tubbo laughed half heartedly. “Right, just a little detective work to see what’s up. Mom and Dad won’t even notice I’m missing.”

“We ready to go?” Ranboo interjected, coming up to the two with packs of back up rope and supplies he had been packing. Tommy looked to Tubbo, waiting for approval.

“Yeah, we’re ready.”

…

Packing up for a long trek was always quite a task. For Charlie, most of the time all he needed was a backpack, knowing fully well that Schlatt’s apartment was fully accommodated to him and it would be an easy trip. But going with other borrowers? That was different.

So he dressed himself like anyone else would, with backup food, water, ropes, and weapons in case there were any “wild animals.” He looked to Mochi, who was minding her own business at the other end of the room being fed by Minx, and laughed to himself. What kind of wild animals were they concerned about, anyway?

Minus Jambo. Seriously, fuck that cat.

It didn’t take Charlie long to find his group and meet up with them. He was accompanied by his captain, of course, and two rookies. Fundy, who’d gone borrowing a few times for survival purposes only before moving there and becoming a guard member. Apparently, though, since Charlie had been to Schlatt’s apartment numerous times with no issue, they said Fundy should try picking up borrowing again, despite his fear of humans. Meanwhile, Aimsey seemed over the moon. This borrower was younger than any of them, but had been bugging the captain to go borrowing, wanting to help out their colony any way they could, and this was their first time.

And with a few reminders from the captain and a review of the rules, they were off.

…

“So we just…wait here?” “It’s called a stakeout, boob boy.” Tommy sighed, holding a poorly handmade telescope through a high vent grate. “We wait here for the other borrowers to show up and watch them for any sus behavior. I saw it in one of Tubbo’s weird movies once.” “Isn’t that just stalking?” “We are far too cool for ‘stalking,’ its a stakeout.” “Quiet! Both of you, look!!” Tubbo interjected, pointing up to the kitchen counter. The thre of them watched as Charlie pushed a roll of paper towels away, gesturing to the kitchen, though they were too far away to hear anything being said. And they watched as three more people came from behind him, all strangers. One was tall and nervous looking, white streaks through his ginger hair. And with his pointed ears and slits for pupils, he looked almost fox like. And if they were gonna use animals for comparison, the next one, wearing a patchwork of blue and stripes and long hair under a beanie of sorts, was almost reminiscent of a bunny, the way they were bouncing and barely staying still, having a shocking amount of energy for a borrower even shorter than Tubbo. And the reason for their excitement seemed to come from the last stranger, who was talking to the three. For some reason, Tubbo got a sinking feeling in his gut while looking at him. He tried to ignore it and just focus on how he looked and not why the very presence of him made him feel as awful as it did. So he just looked, especially taking note of how odd he was compared to the other three. He had short brunette hair, and a red and gold pitare-looking jacket on, which struck Tubbo as odd. What borrower would go out of their way to make an expensive looking coat? Who would even get him those supplies? Wh- “Is that their captain??” Tommy asked, staring like he’d never seen another borrower in his life. “Uhh, what?” Tubbo asked, and Tommy snapped his head in his direction, looking confused. Looking past Tommy, Ranboo had the same expression. “What??” “Borrower colonies, they have captains.” Tommy explained. “They’re in charge of everything that happens in the colony, and I mean everything. All the big decisions come down to them.” “They’re like royalty in borrower culture.” Ranboo added. “So why would one come on a random borrower trip? And since when was there even a colony in this building??”

“…You think it’s the old one?” Tubbo asked, only to get more weird looks from his friends. “There was a colony here before? What happened?” Ranboo asked. “There was a whole colony just in this apartment! Have I never told you?” Both of the others shook their heads. “What happened to them?” Tommy asked quietly, like something bad was going to happen if he spoke any louder. Tubbo subconsciously touched his scars, only noticing he did so when his friends’ expressions turned to pity and he put his hand down quickly. “I was really little, I barely remember it, but from what I can piece together from my memories and what Dad and Jack said happened, it was bad. An extermination. No one lived, or at least we thought. But what are the odds that people not only survived, but started a new colony and went to a different part of the building?”

…

It didn’t take long for Charlie to get his group to Schlatt’s apartment. He knew the way by heart, but was holding onto an impossible hope that this time it would somehow take longer, delaying the inevitable. However, when he got there, he had to hide a sigh of relief. Schlatt was nowhere to be seen, probably messing around with his friends next door. Not a single ladder, rope, or haphazard handmade staircase in sight. No proof that a borrower lived here full time.

The captain led them all through what to do, what the rules were, and where everyone should look for supplies before sending them off. Charlie was the last to be sent somewhere, and he could see the look in the captain’s eyes, the same look he had seen a hundred times before in the eyes of the others from the colony that had once been in this apartment. Survivors guilt. Even when the captain was done giving him directions, he didn’t go immediately. He didn’t want to leave him to wallow in his self pity.

“If this gets to much, we’ll understand. You can go home, I’m more than capable of getting them home. I know this must be…hard for you.” The captain didn’t even look him in the eyes, just nodded. “I’ll be fine, Charlie.” Was all he said, only turning to give him a small grin to show he was ok, even if Charlie could tell it was faked.

So, he left.

God, he was glad Tubbo wasn’t here.

…

Aimsey walked across the tops of the few supplies on the kitchen, ears trained on any subtle noise that may let him know danger was coming. Lord knows it had taken him long enough to get up the few boxes on the counter, he’d hate to have gone through all that effort jut to be seen now, though Charlie had assured him that the resident human wasn’t home today.

Although, he was more scared of the part coming next.

Looking up, he spotted the cabinet holding the food he was supposed to get. And shit, was it high. But if Charlie could get to it, so could he. He just wouldn’t focus on how high it was, or how he’d be that high up, or how a fall from that height would kill him…

no. not thinking about that.

“Oh, fuck, oh my god.” Aimsey said, nervousness making his hands shake while swinging his flimsy paper-clip hook to latch onto a nearby handle. “You got this…” he whispered faintly to himself, fingers already turning white from his death grip on the rope before jumping off the counter and preparing for a tug on his middle from the belt.

…the tug should have happened after a few seconds, right?

…oh no…

It was like time slowed as Aimsey looked up to find that the hook had fallen off the handle, and, ok, maybe they should have checked that it was secure before leaping off the counter.

He screamed, trying to alert any nearby source (maybe not the cat, but it’s not like he could afford to be picky at the moment) to save him, and as the floor got closer and closer and closer-

he finally felt the tug.

He felt himself being pulled up from the ground, and practically went boneless with relief. Someone had heard, seen, whatever, his fall and went to his rescue.

He looked up, expecting to see his captain or teammates but…who was that?

The boy at the helm of pulling him up seemed just a bit taller than him (aka short by borrower standards) with fluffy, surprisingly well kept hair and a patchy green jacket. But what shocked him most was the myriad of (dare he say) horrifying scars on the boys face when he barely looked younger than her, scars somewhat similar to the ones the survivors of an old extermination from when the colony was newer held. She found herself unable to keep her eyes of off his scars until finally her eyes landed on his, an unsettling feeling filling her gut. Maybe because the hazel-grey color was familiar, or maybe because he didn’t look all too happy with her.

“You gonna keep staring or are you gonna fucking help?” the (apparently also british, which she didn’t hear often,) boy said, and, oh, she was pretty close to the edge, maybe she could pull herself up some. Aimsey took the hint to finish climbing up the counter and was quickly helped over by the scarred boy, who was quick to catch them as they collapsed breathless. Holy fuck, they almost just died. Cause of their own stupidity, no less. If the captain finds out about that, they’ll never be allowed to leave base again-

“Hey..Uh…you ok?” the boy said, putting a hand on his shoulder and shaking him slightly. “Tubs, they almost just fell to their death, give them a minute,” another, harsher, british voice spoke out, startling Aimsey as he quickly shot his head up. This other borrower was taller than the earlier one, though not as well kept. His clothes and hair were dirty, and his arms and legs were covered in scabs and healed over scars, more like the other borrowers Aimsey knew. And behind him was another more traditional borrower, though a good bit taller than anyone they’d ever met and had weird blotches of white that they’d never seen before on anyone, either, as well as split colored hair. But these two were just as unfamiliar as the last one.

“Who are you people??” Aimsey said, only for the three to immediately look at each other with horrified expressions before the tallest one spoke up. “Uh, we’re, uh…new around here! Yeah, we, um, just moved from another colony, but we’ve never seen you around before! Who are you?” He said in an american accent, weirdly enough. “Oh, I’m, uh, Aimsey! And you are?” “I’m Tubbo!” Said the brunette, shoving his way in front of the split haired borrower. “And these two are by best friends, Ranboo and Tommy!” He said, gesturing to the taller of the two and then to the blonde. “Are you from a colony?” He said, turning his attention back to her. “We weren’t aware that there was one in this building anymore.”

“Uh, yeah! My colony used to function out of this apartment i think, actually, but that was way before i joined.” “And you’re here with…?” “Oh, another guy said that this apartment was safe to borrower from, and my captain wanted to see it first hand and i needed the borrowing experience.” “Looks like it,” the blonde, Tommy, spoke up again. “Not checking your hook is secure is a rookie move. But, you said your captain is here, any possible way we could talk to him?” “Tommy!” both other borrowers shouted at once, making Aimsey flinch back. “We’ll be, uh, one second.” Ranboo said, before waking around a tall object on the counter and dragging Tommy behind him as Tubbo followed behind fuming in anger.

Aimsey couldn’t pick up much of the fight, but from what he could tell, they were fighting about meeting the captain, or whether one was “allowed” to, if he heard that right. But before he could even question it, Tommy ran back around, grinning widely as Tubbo glared and Ranboo looked anywhere other than the group in front of him.

“Alright, my friend,” Tommy said, eagerness clear in his voice, “lead the way.”

…

Tubbo couldn’t believe he agreed to this. He didn’t want to meet this fucking captain, at this point he just wanted to lock himself in his room. Uncle Charlie was right, he shouldn’t have involved himself in this. All he wanted to know was that the other borrowers weren’t evil, and Aimsey seemed as not-evil as they come. He could just talk about all this with his family later. Just a simple ‘hey i saw the other borrowers in the apartment today and they don’t seem evil, why aren’t i allowed to meet them?’ Then maybe everything could have been explained to him and he could have been introduced or something like a normal person.

But that wasn’t what was happening. Tommy had twisted his arm (damn Tommy and his impatience and surprisingly good negotiation skills), and, ok, maybe he felt a bit bad that Ranboo and Tommy had to live alone in the walls without company other than him and his family. Maybe Tommy had made a good point that if all went well, he and Ranboo could be part of a colony again. So here Tubbo was, unable to deny his best friends of something he knew they wanted desperately.

But as Aimsey led them closer to where he said the meetup destination was, Tubbo couldn’t quite explain the feeling that something was about to happen, nor could he figure out if said thing was good or bad.

He saw the excitement on Tommy and Ranboo’s faces and decided to ignore his instincts.

…

It had all gone to shit faster than Charlie could have predicted.

Meeting back up with the captain had gone about as planned. He was greeted by a man who was just staring out at the apartment before him, seemingly not having moved since Charlie left. He knew that his captain wouldn’t want to talk about it, though, so he just tapped him lightly and tried to distract him by listing off what he’d found and how hard it was to get it, as was protocol. He seemed more pleased, finally having something to take his mind off of the massacre that had left him a widowmaker and a guilty survivor to a slaughter that he apparently still blamed himself for, even over a decade later. Charlie eventually took to making small talk, trying to keep the poor man he called his captain from reminiscing even more on what had happened in the very spot he stood.

Eventually the small talk dwindled as they both saw a couple of hooks appear on the edge on the counter they stood on. Aimsey climbed his way up first, and, while they had both been expecting Fundy, Aimsey reached down to grab a much paler, unclaimed hand, and, to Charlie’s horror, helped to pull up Ranboo, who seemed very unsure of what to do with the situation. But to be fair, the captain seemed equally weary. Charlie, from his spot diagonally behind him, could see the captain’s ear raise and tail sway in curiosity, while Charlie was trying to physically express how frustrated and he confused he was to Ranboo in a terrible game of charades without tipping off either borrowers that he came with. Ranboo stared at the captain and only glanced at Charlie before two more hooks came over the counter. Ranboo quickly turned to help the remaining two borrowers up (not before slightly shrugging and mouthing ‘it was Tommy’s idea’ to Charlie), and the two of them pulled up Tommy and, as much as he’d tried to keep him safe and warn him, Tubbo.

…

It didn’t take very long. Tubbo had just been helped up to the counter and had only just managed to stand when the captain collapsed to his knees, head down in his hands. Aimsey quickly ran over to help him and Charlie looked back over at the group, unsure of what to do other than just give them a sympathetic look. Tommy and Ranboo at least had the decency to look ashamed, but Tubbo didn’t share their expressions.

He looked scared.

The four of them turned their heads as Aimsey helped the captain stand, letting him lean down on them to keep upright as he looked up to stare at Tubbo, tear lines clear down his face. It lasted what felt like hours before either of them said something, but the captain broke the silence. His eyes became glossy with unshed tears as he said only one word.

“Toby…” he whispered, trailing off, but Tubbo had heard it well, as his brows furrowed and his tail wrapped anxiously around his ankle. The man took a few steps forward, letting go of Aimsey and Tubbo reflexively took a step back away from him, making the captain frown. “What’s wrong?” “How do you know my name? My..my real name.” Tubbo whispered harshly, unable to keep the edge out of his voice, even when he saw the man begin to cry again. “Wh…What?” He sputtered trying to take another step forward as Tubbo backed up again and put his hands out in defense. “You heard me. Who the fuck are you and why do you know my real name?”

“You don’t remember me…?” He whispered desperately, and Tubbo felt a little bit guilty for having no clue who this man was. But somehow, he knew that he knew him. He knew the second he felt the weight settle in his stomach when he looked at him. He had no reason to be that weary of a man he’d never met, but like hell was he about to explain that. For one, Charlie would be pissed that he didn’t just turn tail and run if he felt like that, and two, this man already seemed distraught enough. The last thing he needed to be told was that just looking at him made Tubbo upset.

“…No,” Tubbo half lied. “Should I?” And that was all it took. Tears poured down again, harder than before, and he desperately tried to even out his breaths in between sobs. And, despite his precautions, Tubbo started to step closer. Whether it was out of pity or empathy he didn’t know. “…oh god, what happened to you?” He asked, reaching out to try and cup a hand around the scarred side of Tubbo’s face before Tubbo jerked back and slapped him away. “What the fuck, man?! You don’t just get to..to touch people! Personal space and shit! What the fuck is your problem with my scars, anyway? Not like you aren’t sporting a few yourself!” But the man just laughed, brushing and hand over his own scars, laid over his cheeks, nose, and eye, leaving his left eye dead. “Looks like we match…” he muttered to himself, pointing from his eye back to Tubbo’s own scarred and blurry one. “I’m sorry that happened. I’m sorry I.. I couldn’t protect you. I’m so sorry, Toby.”

“Sorry for what? What couldn’t you protect me from? What the fuck are you on about??” Tubbo yelled, getting more and more frustrated with how long this stupid conversation was going on for. He could feel the stares coming from all around him. Ranboo and Tubbo rightfully confused, just like he was, Aimsey looking on in slightly more awed confusion, and Charlie looked at him pitifully, as if he could understand something that Tubbo didn’t quite yet grasp.

“…You were my responsibility, and I let you get hurt. You were so young, and..I didn’t know where she hid you. I couldn’t risk the lives of anyone else, and I couldn’t even know for sure if you were even still alive so…I had to leave you behind.” He said, voice heavy with grief, guilt, and even more unshed tears, and that’s when Tubbo put it together.

“…You were my captain, back when I was a kid, people did survive…” he said, eyes wide as he pieced together why this man was so familiar to him, “my mum hid me in the vents when she heard the exterminator come in. I was the youngest, I couldn’t defend myself, I could barely walk. She didn’t tell you where I was, and you couldn’t find me, so…you left.” He said, meeting the captain’s eyes. “Is that it, then? You had to leave behind the youngest to save everyone else? You feel guilty that you left a toddler to live alone? Cause, if it makes you feel any better, I’m fine, man. I’ve been good.” He said. But to his shock, the.. his captain just stared. “Toby…what’s your last name? Do you still know it?” He asked, seemingly afraid of the answer. Tubbo thought for a moment, but just shook his head. “Not really. I have a new one now, though, so i guess it doesn’t matter as much.”

“Sparklez.”

“…what?” Tubbo said, the dread he felt getting heavier as he processed what the man had said. “Your name is Sparklez. Toby Sparklez.” And oh god, did that sound familiar, but not it a good way. Like he had some sort of negative association with the word. And it was his name, for fucks sake, if this man was telling the truth. “…ok,” Tubbo replied wearily, “…so what? Why…why is that all of a sudden so important? I don’t have a family, they’re dead, my mum is dead, my dad is..” he trailed off. In all fairness, Tubbo had no fucking clue what ever happened to his dad. He didn’t remember that fucker at all. All he remembered was his poor mother raising him alone, sacrificing her damn life to hide her only son in a vent to save him from certain death. Where was his dad then?

And as if the universe hated him more than it had already proven to, as if the multilaton of his face, the death of his colony, and the death of his birth mother hadn’t been enough, the man held out his hand to Tubbo.

“I’m Captain Jordan Sparklez,” he said, a genuine smile on his face and tears filling his eyes as Tubbo’s world began to violently shatter around him. “And I’m so, so happy to see you again, Toby.”

…

It was like all of the air in him evaporated into nothing, like his lungs had been crushed by led and could no longer expand. Every muscle in his body began to spasm, and he was slowly losing feeling in everything, spreading from his hands and feet up to his arms and legs like a disease. He remembered seeing Karl have a panic attack once, remembered how hard it was to watch someone he love feel so much terror, remembered the pain on Sapnap and Quackitys’ as they desperately tried to help him. He felt bad that the people around him were scared for him right now, but, hell, he was scared for him, too.

He felt hands, familiar hands, thank god, begin to grab at him as he collpased, and he saw the blurry outlines of his best friends help lower him and shout concerns and questions that were getting harder and harder to hear by the second as the world darkened around him. Ranboo tried to tell him it was ok, (even if nothing was ok), and he heard Tommy yelling at his d- the captain about something that he couldn’t be bothered to listen to, and somewhere in the blurry background he could see Aimsey anxiously just standing around, unsure of what to do. He felt himself be lifted as shaggy light caramel hair and a pair of shoddily handmade glasses came into view. Right, his Uncle Charlie was there to witness all of that, too. He laughed internally to himself, remembering the night he and his actual dad had spent trying to make those, when they realized how little Charlie could actually see. It had taken half an hour to unstick the hot glue from Schlatt’s hands, Tubbo laughing at him the whole time, and lord knows there’s probably still hot glue stuck to the counters, it was a mess.

He wondered if Charlie knew. If the reason he’d been told to stay away was because Charlie knew he couldn’t handle something like this.

Well, he was right.

“Take him back,” he heard Sparklez say, as the world began to simmer away, “Ponk and Niki will fix him up, and Eret will know what to do from there. They can get him what he needs. Just..Just hang in there, Toby.” He felt an unfamiliar calloused hand on his shoulder and, suddenly, he was out cold.

[the-weeping-author]

Awee thank you so much for tagging me! I love doing these things, and just letting people get to know me. Now this is just a fair warning that I am a Chatty Cathy so I am sorry 🙌😂



Started writing

Okay so I remember writing my first ever story in the third grade, however at that time I really didn’t want to do anything with writing so I just put it on the back burner. Until I moved in with my cousins where I got introduced to tumblr, and then shortly after I found out about fan fiction and I was like okay bet. So here I’ve been hahaha.

Started blogging

Okay so I started posting on here in about 2016 or 2017 so I was either 15 or 16.. however I’m gonna be 23 in less than 2 months so yeah haha.. I use to write short horror stories in my notebooks throughout my childhood.. however I don’t think that counts because I was the only one reading them hahaha

Followers

So I currently have 245 followers on this blog, I know it’s kinda low… however I’m still so happy about that, I don’t really let my followers or anything bring me down. I’m happy with everyone on the list, and wouldn’t replace them or anything! All I can hope for is that at least one person connects and enjoys with my stuff.

Communications

This is my favorite thing to do!! I love reaching out to others authors just to let them know they are appreciated, and just feel loved haha. (Yes I’m talking to you!! 🫵) I have made great friends in all three of the fandoms I’m in!! I absolutely love bouncing ideas off of each other, it helps a lot with my writers block which I get all the time plus I will shower you with credit because that’s just who I am LOL..

Likes

Okay so this ^ is a weird one for me LOL I absolutely LOVE getting likes, comments, reblogs the whole nine….but the over thinker in me always questions it. Like did they really enjoy it, or did they just like it and keep scrolling… XD they don’t really matter to me, but I do have a lot of self doubt when it comes to them. However I am still humble for anything yall give me so again those of you who do like my work thank you so so much! You guys keep my going. ❤️

Request

Okay so currently I have no request, but they are open! Usually what I post are just little ideas I get throughout the day, but mostly I just write whatever comes to mind. Depending on how long the request is will be how long the fic is.. like I can write anything from 1k words to about 8+k words.

Writing

I love writing! It helps me express myself in ways I never thought I could, it has helped me mature and grow in ways I didn’t think were possible so im definitely grateful, but I find myself often having anxiety about my talents because when I was a kid I used to get made fun of a lot for them so there are still parts of me that gets anxious when posting. I have gotten a lot better about it tho.

Works I’m proud of

Okay so I’ve posted one shots, a few chapters of a fic, but I have a hard time writing series because about half way through I get new fic ideas then usually forget about the series. I am proud of all my works tbh. I put 110% of myself into them. I do wish I could at least get one series out so I will be trying to get better about that. I am also trying to get better at posting on Wattpad so fingers crossed that happens.

Tagging

@takingchences @hauntedparadises @pappydaddy @averysmolbear @explosionkatsu

Behind the scenes of a Tumblr Writer - Tag Game

Hey there, I love behind the scenes and since this is something that's rarely talked about, let me start the chain... if you feel uncomfortable with a question, just skip it. You can add some if you want as well.

Started writing: I wrote my first Harry Potter fanfic at age 10. Started posting around 15,16 years old. I'm now 31, so...

Started blogging: I started on a German fanfiction site around 2010/11 I think. Might have been earlier too, but back then I was mostly reading, no posting. I really started when I got into One Direction (very late, tbh)

Followers: Currently at 961, which is wild to me. I don't even know that many people IRL. I convince myself that half of them are bots tbh, so I don't freak out all the time.

Communication: The people I talk to regularly are: a few writers who answered after I constantly reblogged and commented on their works and a few people who commented and reblogged my work. Writing and blogging on here can be pretty lonely, depending on your personality and the time you're active (I'm from Europe and a lot of my followers seem to be living in Northern America, so there's the Timezone thing) ... And I found that the best way to strike a conversation is to reblog, comment, and to not be shy. I do wish I got more asks, though....

Likes: I actually filter them out. I have 793 original posts up at the moment. It doesn't give me anything to know how many likes a fic has other than to tell me which characters are liked more than others or maybe that one fic does especially well. My activity only shows me comments, asks, reblogs with tags, and answers to my own asks. I live for the tags and the comments.

Requests: I love talking to people about ideas. That's how I started the plotbunny game because I have so many ideas and so little time. And sometimes an idea just doesn't want to be written out fully. Requests are fun because YAY, I get some mail... but then I freak out because I don't really know how to write this NOW and then I freak out because it's been a week already, two weeks, wait, two months? I'd rather have suggestions where people tell me vague things like "I'd love to read something about this side character" or "Have you ever considered this character with a soulmate trope"? because then I don't have the feeling of failing the request when I write it a little bit differently.

Writing: I am a fast writer. I know that's one of my talents. I can churn out a oneshot of 1k words in less than an hour. People read slower than I write. That can suck sometimes because you've just posted this and you want to know what people are thinking but they're not as fast as you are. I do have a lot of ideas. I want to write constantly but my brain doesn't always want to. I am trying to respect that.

There are also certain things that I just feel wrong writing. I cannot write anything suggestive (I also don't like reading it) and everything past that gives me panic attacks. I can hardly write mean characters and jealousy feels so wrong to me that I cannot write it. I've also overdone it with the soulmark trope and now I feel like everything I write about it feels lifeless.

I write best in the mornings before going to work, but I don't have much time there. I don't need special music (but it helps), but I need to have at least some energy left and at best, no distractions. But I have been writing for over 20 years, so I will say experience helps a lot.

Tagging: @revasserium @shoulmate @lemurzsquad @screamin-abt-haikyuu @toomanygoldfish @satorisoup @emmyrosee @reverie-starlight @alienaiver and @writingsofanomnivore and everyone else who wants to join