#like i told her that i go to the gym regularly and take care of my hygiene and her immediate reaction was “why can’t you do that here”

[star-of-waterdeep]

love that when i told my mother that it’s easier for me to take care of myself at school than it is at home she couldn’t possibly comprehend why that might be. as if she’s not well aware that my stress levels are way higher at home.

[redtsundere-writes]

Jinx | Sukuna Ryomen

mma fighter!sukuna ryomen x femalecoach!reader

Part 9. Don't Know

Beginning. ← Previous | Next →

Synopsis: Sukuna is a world champion with anger issues. It's believed by many that he is untrainable. Yeah, you can't train him, but you can dominate him. Contents: Fighting. Sukuna being Sukuna. Female reader being dom. Jinx AU (the BL, not the character from lol) Warnings: Cursed words. Fighting. Sexual harassment. I only read it once, lmao Word count: 2722 words. A/N: Shoutout to @ghosts-girl_ on IG for sending me a Sukuna fanart that was inspired by this fic! Tysm <3!

Btw I made a PLAYLIST

Going back to the hospital always scared me. I always enter the doctor’s office with sweaty hands while imagining the worst in my mind. The white and neat walls, decorated with informative posters about the importance of exercising regularly. The light gray floor was freshly waxed, I could see my scared face reflected in it. There were a few fake plants around to make the place look less intimidating.

The doctor was asking me questions about my lifestyle over the past six months while typing incessantly on the computer perched in the middle of the large desk. The doctor took out the new x"ray that had been taken of my neck and inspected it in front of the light screen. He didn't say anything, he just analyzed her very carefully to not make a wrong diagnosis. My manager, Mei Mei, came with me this time for support despite having a tight schedule. She noticed I was nervous, so she patted me on the back to calm me down.

“Do you think she can fight soon, Doc?" Mei Mei asked him my biggest concern.

“Her neck has completely healed, if she wanted, she could fight tonight,” the doctor answered with a smile.

A sigh of relief escaped my lips at the wonderful news I had awaited for so long. 3 years to be precise. I was out of the octagon for 3 years on medical recommendation so that my neck would heal completely and avoid future injuries. My face was about to cry with joy, so I hid it in my hands. I was about to reborn, I already wanted to return to the gym with my team to train like in the old days. Start again, conquer the battlefield and recover the title that was taken from me.

Mei Mei and I left the office to meet my friend and training partner, Nobara, who was waiting for us along with Mei Mei's younger brother, Ui Ui. I told her the good news, and she hugged me happily. We used to do everything together before I was injured, now we could go back to our routine as if nothing had happened.

“Everyone will be very happy when they see you back at the gym,” Nobara said excitedly.

“Finally,” I sighed heavily jokingly. “Mei Mei, shall I ask you to gather the team?” I asked her nicely.

Mei Mei was in charge of ensuring that my schedule was met without delays. She was the one who organizes my fights, gathers athletes for special training, hires doctors, etc. She was always busy, but she never let me out of her sight. Not only that, but she always took care of my my needs even though Team Black gives me everything I need. I told her not to worry so much in several occasions, but she always responded with “you never know.”

"I'm already on it, darling. Also, since your appearances with Ryomen, there are several sponsors interested in you,” Mei Mei reminded me of the unexpected kiss Sukuna gave me after his crushing victory against Naoya a couple of weeks ago. "Your life will return to normal in no time."

"When do you plan to come back?” Nobara asked me excitedly.

"I don't know yet, I have to talk to Sukuna's manager to agree on a release date and find a replacement,” I replied.

"When you have the date, let me know,” Mei Mei asked me without taking her eyes off her phone.

"When you return, could you bring me something signed by the King of the Ring?". Ui Ui asked excitedly.

"I'll see what I can do,” I answered honestly.

Mei Mei and Ui Ui left after that. Once we lost sight of them, Nobara took my hands to approach my face curiously. I moved away from her face at the unexpected proximity. When I saw her eyes sparkling from excitement, I could imagine what she wanted.

"So… You and Sukuna, huh?" she asked excitedly.

Since living with him, I have noticed that our relationship had improved, but only as a coach-athlete relationship. I haven't noticed that he treats me sweeter, that he gives me flirtatious glances or that he gets nervous when I am around. He continues to act as the same fearsome Sukuna as always.

My feelings towards him have also increased. When I have to watch him to make sure he does the exercises, my mind travels back to the passionate nights we've had together. I can no longer see his hands without thinking about how he holds me by the waist or his face without imagining him moaning my name. He made me blush without even trying, I was fed up. It was so frustrating not being able to do my job well.

"There’s nothing between me and Sukuna,” I answered, removing my hands from the grip.

"Don’t lie to me! Everyone saw that passionate kiss he gave you!" Nobara scolded while pretending to make out with herself.

"Sukuna only did it to annoy Naoya," I answered, trying to downplay it…

…but I couldn't ignore it. After that night, my perspective on Sukuna had completely changed. I wasn't surprised that I fell in love with him, I mean, I have a reputation for choosing the worst possible men. I had to get rid of this feeling as soon as I could. If I could do it while I lived with him, great, but I knew perfectly well that after asking for my resignation, Sukuna would throw me out and this feeling would go away on its own like a cold.

"And how are you so sure that he doesn't like you?" Nobara asked me.

The idea that Sukuna was interested in me in that way was tempting. It wasn't crazy considering we've already slept together twice, and he kissed me on international television, but I highly doubted that was the case. Yuuji had told me that Sukuna wasn't interested in having a girlfriend and I doubt that will change anytime soon.

“Impossible,” I answered without further ado.

"Oh, come on! Men never kiss woman just because,” Nobara argued.

"What do you know know about men? You're a lesbian,” I joked.

"I know how they behave when they like a girl, it's what we have in common," she challenged me.

My heart wanted to believe her, but my mind warned me with red flags that I shouldn't. Being in love is complicated.

At first, I had a hard time adjusting to living with Sukuna. I lived alone for so long that I forgot how it was living with someone. Quickly, I could adapt to his cold attitude in the morning, seeing him walk around the house wet and with a towel wrapped around his slutty waist, and listening to his complaints when we left the gym. Sukuna is the one who pays for everything, the only thing I could contribute to the house was to cook for him from time to time if the cook was not available. I couldn't help but feel like a sugar baby, but that feeling went away every time I used the magnificent indoor pool.

The microwave announcing that my popcorn was ready brought me out of my thoughts. I was preparing myself some popcorn as tonight's fights began. The schedule was not very exciting, except for the main fight. The fight for the heavyweight division championship between Toji Fushiguro and Aoi Todo. A battle between two powerful giants of the UFC.

I returned to the kitchen to prepare the popcorn to my liking in a bowl. I opened the refrigerator to look for the juice I had bought before I got home. Being a high-performance athlete, Sukuna's smart refrigerator only served to store large amounts of chicken breast, vegetables, and sparkling water. If I wanted something with sugar or “chemicals”, I had to buy it myself and hide it so as not to tempt Sukuna's appetite. As I closed the door, I noticed the new dietary regimen that Sukuna's nutritionist had asked hm to follow.

"Chicken, rice, and broccoli for 4 days straight? No wonder he's always so angry,” I thought out loud as I quickly scanned the sheet of paper.

No sugar. Do not eat carbs after 6 pm. Just an egg without yolk in the morning. I knew that Sukuna was a highly disciplined athlete, but going on such a demanding diet was ridiculous. If a nutritionist asked me to follow this regimen like a soldier, I would fire her in no time.

There were so many things I wanted to change about his extreme lifestyle, but I was sure I wouldn't be able to figure it out before my last day. Furthermore, I had to tell him that I would no longer be his coach and that someone else was going to take my place. I didn't know how he would even take the news. I just had to make sure to tell him when he is in a good mood. Who am I kidding? He is never in a good mood, that goes against his personality.

"Fuck this shit!" Sukuna yelled as he reluctantly entered the house. Now was not the right time to tell him.

He tossed his backpack onto the small stool at the entrance, where we kept our shoes and had a mirror for finishing touches. Sukuna slammed the door shut which offended my ears. I just watched him confused while I ate my popcorn.

"Things didn’t go well with the Olympian?" I asked, trying to understand where his anger was coming from.

While I was at the doctor, Sukuna went to the Olympic stadium to have an exclusive sparring with a boxing gold medalist. He insisted that I cancel my appointment to come with him, but I told him that even if I did that, I wouldn't be much help. My specialty is jujitsu, not boxing. I told him that Gojo knows more than me, and he stopped annoying me.

"That idiot asked for a break on the fifth round. Can you fucking believe that?! The best boxer in the nation?! My balls can last longer than that!” He exclaimed in annoyance as he ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation.

"Could it be because it was training and not a real fight?" I asked before putting a popcorn in my mouth, staying calm. If I got down to his level, he would only get more upset.

"If I had wanted to waste my time, I would have trained with one of the gym's rookies,"Sukuna mumbled.

He sat on the stool and sighed heavily as he unlaced his shoes to enter the house. I could see the helplessness in his eyes at not having the demanding training he wanted. Having a perfect streak of 28 overwhelming victories, he hasn't had a rival who can match his level in years. Always being the winner means that you are not learning, and you are staying stagnant while others moved forward, Sukuna was afraid of being left behind.

I sighed as I understood his anger, putting the bowl aside to approach him. I took advantage of the fact that he was at my level to gently massage his shoulders. Even though I didn't do it with a romantic intention, touching him like that after weeks felt like drinking water in the middle of the Sahara. A temporary pleasure that I had to take advantage as much as I could.

"Do you know what it means that he didn't last more than 5 rounds?" I asked him while massaging his neck.

"I'm not in the mood for your shit," he mumbled, focused on his shoes.

"Let me finish!" I barked. "It means you're better than an Olympic medalist," he looked at me again, calmer now.

"You think?" he asked me, looking at me to deduce if I was saying it out of pity or not.

"Of course! You are the king of the ring, not just in the UFC!" I cheered, giving him a friendly pat on the arm.

"Not everyone can go against the king," he said with an evil smile.

It was one of those few times I've seen him smile like that. I'm glad to know that I could be of use to him outside the gym. I wanted to be the cause for him to smile more often, even if it meant he didn't feel the same way about me. A reality that I was willing to accept for the sake of both of us.

The fight between Aoi Todo and Toji Fushiguro was about to start. The current champion, Toji, entered shining his glorious belt with Welcome To The Jungle by Guns N' Roses in the background while the commentators read his statistics. Aoi, the challenger, Todo looked forward to the fight from the octagon. The crowd was excited, music was blaring from the speakers, and commentators were debating who would take home the belt. It was an important fight that deserved to be seen on the room's beautiful 80"inch screen.

"That son of a bitch," Sukuna snorted behind me, referring to Toji. He was in my robe as always before going to sleep.

"A talented son of a bitch," I joked. "Sit down and watch it with me."

"I'll watch it until I get sleepy," Sukuna scoffed as he sat next to me on the couch.

After formal introductions and the referee's instructions, the first round took place. The two mastodons faced each other face to face in a rain of punches and jabs that seemed to have no end. They were like two bulls striking each other with their sharp horns, making the plaza resonate with the power of their tackles. It was clear that Aoi Todo was a born boxer who did not allow himself to be intimidated by the enormous presence of Fushiguro with those beastly hits. Before Toji could take him to the ground, like he had done in the fight against Sukuna, the bell rang.

“Who are you rooting to?” I asked Sukuna excitedly.

"I do not know, and I do not care." he answered with a yawn. That answer deserved me to throw my empty popcorn bowl at him.

"It's a very important fight! You should know!" I scolded him as the TV went to commercial break. "Todo and Fushiguro have been fighting for the division title for 2 years. Both have won twice simultaneously. This is their fifth fight. It's the fight for 3 out of 3!” I explained. Sukuna shrugged his shoulders, downplaying it the importance it deserved.

"And who are you rooting for?" He asked me to make conversation as they returned to the fight.

"Aoi Todo is a magnificent boxer like you…". At the comparison, Sukuna gave me a killer glance. "Obviously, you are the best," I corrected before he killed me.

"That is what I thought."

"But Toji is a complete fighter, I am team Toji for life," I replied with a proud smile. Sukuna gave me another killing look, this time it was more stern. I really don't learn from my mistakes, huh? "Obviously I'm Team Black before that," I said with a guilty smile.

The champion threw a quick jab, but the challenger easily dodged it. Aoi responded with a combination of quick strikes that made Fushiguro flinched. He stumbled back, but stayed upright. He threw a wild right hand, but the challenger blocked it with his forearm. The challenger took the opportunity to launch a flurry of jabs that Toji dodged like a master. Aoi continued entering her field, causing Toji's back to hit the fence. He threw one last desperate right hand, but Todo dodged it and responded with a left hook that sent the champion to the ground.

"¡No!" I exclaimed upon seeing the knockout.

"Too bad…" Sukuna mocked me.

After my champion couldn't get up easily, the referee ended the fight. The challenger had won the fight with a monstrous knockout. The crowd roared and Todo raised his arms in victory as he ran around the octagon. He had defeated his legendary opponent and became the new champion of the heavyweight division.

"First words after defeating such an important rival?". The interviewer asked Todo as he celebrated with his team supporting him behind him.

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[klausysworld]

Heyy I love your work I was wondering if you could do a klaus one we’re the reader is a bit chubby and all of a sudden she started wearing long sleeve and oversized stuff and nobody rlly noticed until they had a party or smth and she wears a dress and when they see here there all rlly shocked cause they didn’t notice how she a lot or weight in like a span of 2-4 weeks and she hasn’t eaten for like 2 days before the party

This one-shot will contain triggering content around eating disorders including both anorexia and bulimia. Please don’t read this is you feel it may upset you or harm you mental health. I’ve had personal issues around this area and know it can be hard. Don’t hesitate to reach out 🤍

Too much or Not enough?

Y/n had struggled with weight as a child, and as a teenager. As a result she had a difficult relationship with food and clothes.

She was naturally a little curvier, but what some people saw as gorgeous another saw as an opportunity to poke fun. And so she grew up hating herself and those around her who would highlight her insecurities.

As she grew out of adolescence and into adulthood she lost a little weight. She went to the gym excessively and ate barely anything. It was unhealthy but in her eyes it was her best option.

She still had her curves but they were complimented more than they were judged but even when people said ‘good’ things about her body, she just saw it at mocking. She would have kept losing the weight but she ended up passing out at the gym and having the paramedics called. They told her she needed to keep a balanced diet and take care of herself and as much as she didn’t want to, the fear of being that embarrassed again haunted her.

So she ate some what regularly for a while but ended up with two fingers down her throat to get it all back out.

She would have carried on that way if it weren’t for the Mikaelsons.

She had ended up being wrapped into the supernatural world and suddenly there were so many other problems in her life that food was almost forgotten.

Between a temperamental pregnant Hayley, overly dramatic Rebekah, pissed off Elijah, furious Marcel, war raging Klaus, power-hungry witches, territorial werewolves and bloodthirsty vampires, Y/n didn’t have much time to focus on herself. Especially not after Hope was born.

The stress seemed to make her hungrier, she would go days without any food and then eating as much as she could to ‘keep herself going’.

She didn’t really realise she had put her weight back on, she assumed running around after everyone would have been enough exercise.

And when Klaus had shown interest in her, when he had kissed her and laid her heart out on his sleeve well she assumed she must have looked good. Someone like him wouldn’t go for who she used to be, right?

And so she gained a small amount of confidence until the supernatural communities began to calm down and it seemed people were more attentive.

Y/n was able to go out more, whether it was with Hayley, Rebekah, Davina or just by herself. And that’s how it circled back.

One or two comments on her figure from men made her wear baggier clothes. An awkward moment with Hayley and Rebekah when the girls went shopping and Rebekah unintentionally made a quip on y/n’s size. Apparently a dress that looked good on Hayley wouldn’t be nice on ‘someone like Y/n’. She had brushed it off and told Rebekah it was fine when the blonde began apologising but inside it was anything but fine.

Even if she hadn’t had any malicious intent or meant it in any offence, it tore up old wounds and brought back something much deeper rooted.

And then when things started to kick off again and Klaus payed y/n less and less attention or affection, she assumed it was because she was no longer attractive to him. Had she gained that much?

So she did what she knew would work.

She forced herself to the gym as often as she could for as long as she could. Drank as much water that was available to her and ate the bare minimum to keep her conscious. Throw up anyway meal that she did happen to consume and have a packet of gum handy incase she got too hungry.

It was even easier to do once Hope was around more, Y/n was often asked to look after the baby while the rest of them took on the new foes and unexpected family members.

When Klaus, Elijah and Marcel had announced there would be a party to celebrate the defeat of a common enemy, Y/n began to worry. The last time she had to dress of for one of those things she was much bigger than she had thought. Looking back on pictures of that evening persuaded her to gag and cough up to the point where she was only throwing up water and blood form how she had torn her throat inside.

Even Hope could sense the change in Y/n’s behaviour when she looked after her. But nobody else did, everyone was too busy to realise.

Klaus had barely looked at her let alone touched her to realise that she had done down 2 clothing sizes and yet was wearing t-shirts triple the size they would need to be. None of the girls payed enough attention to see the bags under Y/n’s eyes or to notice her absence each morning when she would struggle on a treadmill for hours on end. Only Hope, someone who wasn’t even a year old, would give Y/n the hug she so desperately needed.

———————————————————————

It was the day do the party, Y/n stared aimlessly at the dress she had chosen the week before. If she were honest she planned on not going at all, nobody would notice anyway. But then Rebekah came in all bubbly demanding that she know what colours people were wearing she they didn’t clash in photos.

Photos.

Y/n learned to despise them. “The camera adds 10 pounds” she was told by her mother when she was young and it was something she reminded herself every time a flash went off.

So she needed to make sure she looked okay.

She scrubbed her skin raw in the shower, shaved every last hair from her legs before moisturising them and the rest of her body. She avoided any full body length mirrors and focused on her face, covering every flaw possible. Her hair was pulled to be half up half down, leaving pieces to frame her face and still give her enough volume.

She managed to get the dress on that was now a little loose on her, which she should have been worried about but she couldn’t help but feel relieved. The zip went up effortlessly but even so, she didn’t want to step outside of that door. So she stayed on the edge of her bed, her nails licking at the material of her dress as she hoped the night would pass by without her.

She had no such luck when Hayley came knocking on the door

“Y/n? Are you okay? The party started a while ago” she called through the wall and Y/n pinched her own skin desperately

“I don’t think I’m gonna come down…I’ll just keep an eye on Hope” she replied

“Hope’s dressed up and downstairs with Klaus at the moment, you don’t need to watch her, come have fun!” She told her brightly and Y/n could feel herself getting hotter as the nerves poured in

“Parties aren’t really my scene” she responded softly “maybe next time okay?” She tried again but Hayley was getting persistent

“Oh come on, there’s music, drinks, food. Have you eaten yet? Come on we’ll go get something” she encouraged but that only made it worse. Y/n had made sure not to eat anything the last 2 days so that there was zero chance of any bloating and she wasn’t about to ruin that.

“I ate earlier” she lied and Hayley sighed

“Try make an appearance? If not for me then for Rebekah or Klaus” she asked and Y/n could have scoffed. As if either of them had cared less that she was there.

Well so she assumed.

Unfortunately for her she was proven wrong again when the door hand was twisted and pulled, a frustrated groan coming from the other side of the door when they realised it was locked

“Y/n?” Klaus questioned “come out” he ordered and she had the sudden urged to suffocate herself with a pillow.

“I’m going to sleep” she mumbled, though she was still dolled up and sat against the headboard but it wasn’t like he could see her.

“We can fix that, open the door and I’ll grab you a dress” he told her and she pinched the bridge of her nose

“I already have a dress” she muttered in defeat, Klaus wouldn’t walk away as easily as Hayley.

“Perfect. Put it on.” He grumbled “Rebekah needs you in the photo” he added and she nodded, of course they needed to keep their image up.

“I don’t want to be in the photo anyway” she murmured and he groaned

“Just do it” he complained and she reluctantly stood up.

She plodded her way to look in the mirror and yet despite the makeup on her face, she just looked tired. It didn’t matter anymore though, she looked bad in pictures either way, may as-well know it this time.

Just as Klaus was reader to break the handle off the door, it was clicked open and Y/n was looking up at him through glassy eyes.

Klaus’s expression dropped almost instantly when he looked at her. The dress was loose around her body in all areas, her arms thinner than usual making him frown and reach a hand out to grab ahold of her wrist. His eyes locked on hers and his lips parted in shock.

She assumed he was thinking she looked awful, was the dress too small again? Was she too big? She could feel her face heating and her eyes filling with tears. Her breathing grew more laboured and her hands began to ping at the fabric around her to make it seem baggier.

Klaus quickly pulled her into his room so nobody could look up the stairs and see them. He stroked her hair gently as he wrapped his arms around her in an attempt to stop any tears from falling.

“Sweetheart” he whispered quietly, guilt beginning to rise in him. People didn’t loose this much weight this fast. He knew he had been distant the last month but that was to keep her safe not to make her sick, was she I’ll and not told anybody? Or was this something much more?

He feared for the last one as he rubbed her back soothingly while small sniffs lift her and panicked apologies flooded form her lips.

“Why are you sorry my love?” He murmured gently.

“I just wanted to be pretty” she uttered and his heart ached for her. “I tried really hard” she whispered “it wasn’t enough”

“Y/n…” he murmured as his arms held her a little tighter “you’re always pretty, you’re beautiful and bright” he told her “don’t change anything about yourself for anyone else ever”

“I did it for me too” she mumbled and he nodded hesitantly

“Yeah but…this isn’t the way” he whispered and she sniffed

“It’s the only way that works” she argued

“Love, what have you been eating?” He asks and she frowns

“Why does that matter?”

“Because there’s a difference between eating healthily and not eating enough” he told her and she began to grow more upset at his tone

“I eat too much” she utters and he sighs, he placed both hands on her shoulders and looks down at her

“Nobody thinks that” he whispered, his eyes locked on hers as though it would make her listen better. “Not eating at all is as bad as eating too much, we can find a good balance” he persuaded

“I’ve tried balanced diets, it doesn’t work” she shakes her head frustrated

“I’ll find you a better one” he decided and she lets out a laugh

“Why because I suddenly matter enough? If you only just realised that I’ve lost the weight when we live in the same home then Im clearly not worth-“

“Stop” he whispered, a crack in his tone “do not do this to me and do not do this to yourself” he let out a breath “I wouldn’t ever want this to happen to you, I care about you. I was just leaving you out of all the darkness and the pain, you weren’t supposed to bring it to yourself” he snapped. His eyes were hard though he didn’t mean to appear so angry as tears freely flowed down Y/n’s face and a sob let her lips.

At the sound of her cries, Klaus’s bedroom door was opened rather suddenly. A concerned Elijah stepped inside, his eyes falling to Y/n and his brows furrowing as he noticed his brother trying to apologise. Then he noticed the differences from the last few times he had seen her and he picked up on what was happening pretty quickly.

He closed the door behind him and came forward, coaxing Y/n out of Klaus’s arms and into his own.

“Would you like a smoothie my dear? We’ve stocked the kitchen with fruits recently” Elijah murmured softly, his chin on top her head as he glanced to an upset Niklaus. Y/n frowned in confusion at the offer and at the calming affect Elijah seemed to have over everyone. He wasn’t really the hugging type but it was nice to experience one. She didn’t reply but he kept talking “how about I go and get you a smoothie while Niklaus helps you out of this dress? I’m sure you can wear one of his shirts for bed hm?” He lifted her chin up to look down at her. She blinked at him unsure as he tried to convince her further “I’ll bring Hope up as well?” He offered and she nodded slowly.

Elijah gave a look to Klaus and both brothers began to move. Elijah rushed off downstairs and Klaus grabbed one of his henleys. Y/n kept her eyes on the ground as Klaus’s fingers gently undid the dress

“I’m sorry my love” he whispered as he let the material drop down to the floor making goosebumps arise across her skin. His lips pressed to her shoulder softly before the warmth of his top was pulled over her head and her arms were pulled into the sleeves. His arms slid round her waist gently and his nose buried into her hair.

She kept quiet, eyes down as he unclipped her curls and let it all fall loosely around her face. Soft kisses planted their way up her face as Elijah returned with a smoothie and a straw.

Both brothers guided her to sit up on Klaus’s bed before sitting either side of her. Gently she was pulled into Klaus’s lap and the straw was brought to her lips

“The cup is only half full, the rest of it is in the fridge for tomorrow if you should want more” Elijah tells her with a reassuring smile

Klaus brushed his hands along her sides gently as she reluctantly drank what she was given. Both brothers continued to speak of random topics to keep the attention off of her as she took small sips as slowly leant back against Klaus’s chest.

15 minutes later Hayley came by and dropped Hope off, both she and Elijah left, leaving Klaus, Y/n and Hope to snuggle up together with the silent promise that at least Klaus and Elijah and most likely the rest of the Mikaelsons would be helping Y/n find a happier,healthier state of mind and body.

(I hope this was what was wanted, I didn’t go too deep into the topic and still wanted it to have a relatively happier/promising ending. If a darker message or ending was wanted then I would be okay with trying to write something similar for anyone out there. I understand the struggles with eating disorders and also with self harm and just mental health in general so feel free to message or request, anything at all :))

[cecilebutcher]

Twst characters headcanons

Just some headcanons for the twst boys. This time for heartslabyul.

This is just my headcanons and opinion!!

R.Rosehearts

British, and has an accent.

I darkened his eye color and gave him some beauty marks.

Has scars from the overbolt.

Demi-sexual. Not in a relationship.

Loves anything containing strawberries.

Has a heart hair pin that cater gave him.

^^he uses it to tie up his hair when he’s studying.

His favorite type of music is classic.

Really into mystery novels.

Also mystery games.

And mystery shows.

Basically love’s mystery and stuff like that.

When he’s feeling stressed he’ll go and hang out with the hedgehogs. Sometimes the flamingos as well.

His favorite housewarden to be around is Kalim.

After that is Vil.

While he hates Floyd’s guts, he still cares for his annoying classmate.

T.Clover

Also British. But his accent is less notable.

Gave him one brown eye one gold + some beauty marks.

Cater painted his nails for him.

Unlabeled. Dating Cater

Hums whenever he bakes.

His favorite thing to bake is cheesecake.

Cater makes him braid his hair.

Used to French braid his little sisters hair.

Speaking of sister, his siblings send him good morning and good night texts all the time.

Though usually they aren’t even in the morning or night.

Him and Rook study together from time to time.

He also helps the ADeuce duo when they’re having trouble.

Heartlabyul mom.

Goes on hikes with Jade a lot of the time.

Loves hearing Cater play the guitar.

C.Diamond

Scottish(don’t ask) but with no accent.

Since Cater is generally fucking perfect. I only gave him a bit of eye circles.

Also ✨freckles✨.

Bisexual. Dating Trey. Used to have the biggest crush on Vil that ever existed. 

Ok that crush might still be there.

But it’s very tiny, barely exists

Also dated Idia for like, a week.

His lock screen is of Trey baking.

Has a camera that he takes with him when going to new places.

Really fucking good at editing.

Plays the guitar, bass and ukulele.

Has a nice singing voice.

A.Trappola

Filipino. Again, no accent.

Speaks Filipino when he’s seriously angry.

Gave him some of scars from the overbolts.

I also gave him ✨freckles✨ and an earring.

Bisexual. Dating Deuce.

Tells his older brother almost anything.

Has two of the chillest parents ever.

Only Deuce has met his parents in person, But Riddle talked to them once on the phone.

When they got told ace almost got expelled on his first day they were like “yup, sounds about right”!

Always has playing cards on him.

His U.M is gonna have something to do with playing cards.

Is a lot smarter then he lets on

Is an average C+ and B- student.

Used to be an average A and B+ student but stopped trying when he entered nrc.

Can play the flute.

Knows how to drive but doesn’t have a license.

Little spoon.

Loves forehead and hand kisses.

Has a nice singing voice.

D.Spade

Half Latino half British.

Tons of scars from both overbolts and fights.

Homosexual/gay. Dating Ace.

Goes to the gym regularly with Sebek and Jack.

Has a small pocket knife.

Has both ADHD and Dyslexia.

Knows how to play the ukulele.

Sticks a bit of his tongue out when too focused.

Isn’t that good at cooking, But likes helping out in the kitchen.

Tons of piercings, and I mean TONS.

Has a small tattoo in his lower back (regrets getting it)

Had a small spade tattoo on his arm.

Likes having his hair played with/ run through.

Suddenly switches to Spanish when stressed.

Used to have a dog when he was a kid.

Has one friend that he knew from kindergarten that was in a gang with him.

^^ they still talk and Deuce considers him one of his closest friends.

Has three cousins and is close with all of them

One of said cousins goes to nrc

Favorite fruit is blueberry

Least favorite are bananas

Allergic to strawberries

Is surprisingly good at baking and cooking

When starting school he’d call his mom everyday, now he only calls her thrice a week.

His mom knows everyone’s names and looks because he keeps talking about them.

Remember these are my headcanons and opinions. Yours can differ and disagree with them.

[letsdeconstructtogether]

We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

One night, I was hanging out with a close friend of mine at her apartment. I was telling her about a guy that I met. I raved about him, about the fact that he was a cool music producer who abused pills, lived in a trashed house, and exhibited signs of mentally instability (all of this to my younger self was hot, now I shudder). I was lost in the sauce, I raved about how he interested me. I thought that was the height of my life, talking to men like him.

She looked me in the eye (something I am deeeeeply grateful for) and said something I don’t exactly remember, but essentially amounted to:

“Why do you do this to yourself? You’re better than this.”

That snapped me out of my delirium.

I thought in that moment ‘Oh... Oooh. Wow. Um. You’re right. What am I… doing?’ Then ‘Oh, I’m supposed to be doing better. She sees something in me that deserves better. What do I deserve then? I can have, better?’

I figured, if she was able to say something like that, that she knew the answer. I started to pay attention to her actions. In hindsight, she was trying to help me out by dropping clues to achieving self worth. She helped me understand that you can want the best, and you should want the best, and you need to go get the best for yourself.

She told me she would only date leaders, and she showed that. She picked men who were providers and who excelled in their craft. She went to the gym religiously. She kept plants and those plants thrived. She poured her love into those plants. She bought plant food, she regularly watered them. Eventually she had about 30 potted plants, all green and thriving. She spoke up when I crossed boundaries with her (eg. I would come to pick her up earlier than she agreed to). She took care of her appearance. She was essentially an It Girl, and she showed me how.

Essentially, she wanted the best for herself. She wanted to take care of herself and her surroundings. So she did, and she committed to that to the fullest extent daily.

She was the disciple, I was the Pharisee, she shook my foundations. She shattered my worldview that it was okay to slack off, to be disheveled, and to not want anything out of life.

The Pharisee…

Essentially those who act as if they got the message of the Bible, those who inflate themselves on ego, on the image they exude to the world.

To be real, they don’t get it.

You’re not supposed to inflate yourself, you’re supposed to simply be. Not seem it, be it. Those who understand are filled with character, with dough, not air. They actually make the moves. They do good for themselves and others. They love fully and brightly, they shine. They are dense and meaty, meaning they have an intricately woven and fully developed character.

They don’t put themselves through trash situations because they understand that they actually don’t have to put themselves through trash situations. They can put themselves through wonderful, life-giving situations. They can choose better. They can act better. They can be better.

They can want more, and that’s okay! That message took me a bit to swallow.

I can want more? Nooo, I’ll just accept what’s given to me. I’ll roll with it. I’ll simmer down, I’ll take it. Me? Want more? Pshh, I’m fine. I’m not worthy. I’m not worthy of that kind of guy. I’m not the kind of girl who goes to the gym. I kill all my plants hahaha. That’s just who I am. It’s okay, I’m fine with it. No, really. I am. Yeah he flakes, eh I’ll find another. Pshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh life is fiiiiine. I’m chill, yep, I’m a cool girl.

She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.

I would listen to the music of those who got it. Of those who knew their worth, and strived towards it. That was my hope, that was my delusion, that I was doing that. However, I was truthfully stuck in a delirium I was blind to. Although I wanted better, I could not see that better was not going to drop into my lap. I was scared of the better. I knew I wanted it, but I believed that I deserved trashy things, that I was trash. I knew the way I showed up in the world, I couldn’t get it.

I had to ask better from myself. To look myself in the mirror, and understand that I was throwing myself into harmful, trashy situations that were not only wasting my time on Earth, but actively harming me. And I had to believe that the woman who looked back deserved better. She deserved the best. She wanted the best. She needed to ask for the best. She needed to leave the shitty situations behind so she could reach the best. She had to get angry, tell those who were fucking with her to stop (including herself), to get up and leave situations she knew weren’t the best for her, and to go on her merry way. She had to get better herself, to want more for herself as well. She had to take care of herself, and learn to love herself. To accept nothing less than what she truly wanted, no matter what.

I had to want the best for myself. My friend knew that. She knew that. She showed me how. It took me a few years to understand, but now I do. And I am thankful that I do, because now I am awake. Now I know the rest of my years on Earth will be sweet, because I see now.

It had to stop. Committing to Nick, feeling safe with Nick, being happy with Nick, made me realize that there was a Real Amy in there, and she was so much better, more interesting and complicated and challenging, than Cool Girl.

[claroisamess]

Short rant about exercise

I never had a good relationship to exercise. First, it was the thing that I feared, I was always the fat kid at school and "medically don't know how to breathe", so P.E classes would always lead to semi asthma attckes, tears, self hatred and shame. My parents did try to enroll me in dance classes (had to quit ballet because I was too fat, and modern dance because I didn't want to do it anymore), and then I begged them to sign me up for horse-riding. My dad had to wake up at about 4am, once a year, to get me into one of the 14 spots that were partially paid for by the city council, just so their daughter could pretend to be one of the rich girls with a pony. I quit after 3 years, because I didn't want to compete, and also I wasn't very good. When I was 14, I discovered PopPilates on youtube. Ah yes, a 14 year old exercising for about an hour a day, how great. I hated myself. I did Victoria Secret models' workouts, barely ate, but thought maybe that was the way to get people to like me ? (it wasn't btw) I then discovered yoga, and fell in love. Ever since, we've had an on-off relationship. I know the good it does me, how much love and power and selfcare it is for me, but still can't keep it up. I don't know why, but I seem to be completely unable to stick to a routine, especially if it involves something that is good for me. I can't go to public classes, or bouldering gyms (I love bouldering, I will probably never do it again), or anywhere where I can be /seen/ exercising because, well, I was the fat kid. I don't know how to do this. But my health is rapidly declining, and I smoke more and more cigarettes each day. I work at a computer all day, and it feels like my body is rotting from the inside, but somehow, I don't think I will be able to take care of myself until I end-up in the hospital or something. How do you make yourself understand that maybe, just maybe, doing something that always made you feel good (i.e yoga for me), is going to make you feel great if you do it regularly ? My ex-therapist (she left, I love her), told me it was because it wasn't my priority right now, but sometimes I wonder if it itsn't because I'm just a self-loathing piece of crap. Also why are gym memberships so expensive ????? Anyways, going back to my regular schedule of chain smoking and hurting everywhere all the time. Can't wait.

[frogtanii]

these transcripts are protected by doctor-client privilege and hippa laws and should only be accessed by the verified person(s). please call xxx-xxxx if you are in fear of those laws being violated.

————————————————————————

[dr otsuaka]: hello, [redacted]! it’s so great to hear from you again! last we met, things were on track with your recovery — has that changed at all?

[patient 86]: clears throat um, not really. things are weird, that’s all.

[dr o]: weird how?

[86]: ...

[dr o]: does this have something to do with your roommate, [redacted]?

[86]: nods

[dr o]: does this also deal with you working through your feelings for her?

[86]: she... she doesn’t like me like that. i’m not like... like [redacted].

[dr o]: now, what did we say about negative self talk and comparisons to others?

[86]: ...not to do it.

[dr o]: i know it isn’t easy but you are not [redacted] or [redacted] for a reason. you are you and that doesn’t make you less than! it just makes you different.

[86]: smiles ... she said something like that to me once.

[dr o]: she sounds like a smart girl. you should listen to her.

[86]: ...yeah.

————————————————————————

[patient 12]: —and then she just, punches the air, wham! and it was so intense and i’m pretty sure i’ve never been more turned on in my life because, god doc you should’ve seen her. i know you’re like 50 and gay but.. damn.

[doctor fujiwara]: laughs you are quite the character [redacted].

[12]: i try.

[dr f]: well, it seems as though this girl has become quite the fixture in your life.

[12]: i mean.. yeah. she saved me.

[dr f]: hm... don’t you think you are.. idolizing her a bit? placing her on an unattainable pedestal which sets her up for failure in your eyes? you’ve placed quite a bit of weight on [redacted].

[12]: ... no, no she’s helped me through so much but i don’t, she’s not my idol or anything.

[dr f]: are you sure? you place much of the credit for your recovery on her. is that fair to her, to feel entirely responsible for your health and well-being?

[12]: ...

[dr f]: just think about it, hm? now, tell me again about this ferret you were thinking of purchasing?

————————————————————————

[dr otsuaka]: ... and how did that make you feel?

[patient 88]: ... you couldn’t sound more cliche if you tried.

[dr o]: laughs nothing gets quite past you [redacted].

[88]: you say that as though it is a bad thing.

[dr o]: trust me it isn’t. but on that note, tell me some things you’ve observed this week.

[88]: ...she isn’t eating as much. i think the stress is getting to her.

[dr o]: is it not getting to you as well?

[88]: ...it isn’t about me.

[dr o]: this is your therapy session [redacted], it quite literally is about you. ...have you been neglecting yourself in favor of taking care of her?

[88]: we’re drifting and i do not want to lose her. she has [redacted] and it doesn’t seem like... like she has use of me anymore.

[dr o]: [redacted]... you are not an object to be used. no one can decide if you are “of use” or not — you need to take care of yourself so that when you are up to it, when you are healed and ready, you can take care of the others around you. she is a grown woman and as much as you care for her, she can take care of herself. it is time for you to focus on you.

[88]: ... i don’t know how to do that.

[dr o]: smiles well, that is what i’m here for.

————————————————————————

[dr barnes]: ah welcome, [redacted]! it’s so great to meet you! dr otsuaka speaks of you highly!

[patient 4]: wow! you’re so big! your biceps are as big as my head!!

[dr b]: laughs i do enjoy my time at the gym! please sit, sit!

[4]: thank you for seeing me dr barnes!

[dr b]: no, it’s really my pleasure! when dr otsuaka needed to clear out her client list, i leaped at the opportunity to take some of you on.

[4]: yeah, she told me something like that. i’m just happy i still have a therapist! it would really suck if all my progress went out the window.

[dr b]: oh yes, i have some of your charts here... shuffles papers looks like you suffer from... separation anxiety and ptsd?

[4]: yep, but it hasn’t gotten me down yet!

[dr b]: that’s great [redacted]. i’m looking forward to seeing the progress we can make with one another!

[4]: aw, thanks dr b! you’re so cool!

[dr b]: that’s all you bud, all you. so, what do you think of starting from the beginning?

[4]: well, it all started when my mom met my dad and they fell in love and had se—

————————————————————————

[dr yamada]: wow, hi [redacted]! it’s been so long since we’ve last spoken. high school, was it?

[patient 7]: um, yeah.

[dr y]: so, what brings you back here to see me? do you need a refill on your meds?

[7]: ...maybe.

[dr y]: [redacted]... are you alright?

[7]: bursts into tears no.. oh god no..

[dr y]: that bad, huh?

[7]: yeah.. yeah, it’s that bad.

[dr y]: is it [redacted]?

[7]: sniffles oh, no not him. actually, his girlfriend? she’s back.

[dr y]: oh god..

[7]: yeah.. laughs dryly

[dr y]: well, it’s a good thing you’re here then. do you remember your affirmations?

[7]: how could i forget? i am loved—

[dr y]: in unison —i am deserving of love—

[7]: —and i will love in return. wow, it’s been a minute.

[dr y]: and still, it stuck. yet another example of my incredible teachings.

[7]: just as insufferable as always, dr yamada.

[dr y]: and just as guarded as usual, [redacted]. am i going to have to pry the information out of you this time around?

[7]: nah... i think... i think i really need to talk about it.

[dr y]: good. i am here to listen.

℗ poker face

intermission

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - kekeke a new funky short filler chapter comin up for y’all!!! i’ve done therapy transcripts once before so i kinda wanted to try again??? provide a splash of insight for the hotties who r going to therapy in pf!! and even tho i think i made it kinda obvious, i wanna see y’all guess whomst is whom!!! also this is considerably lower quality than i intended KSJ but we will get back to our regularly scheduled (read: better) writing tomorrow KEJEK anyways fat thanks to my wife ghostie (who i cant tag rip) for helping me out!!! don’t forget to feed me!!! <3333

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @syndellwins • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saikishairclip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

[arhvste]

002 SAKUSA KIYOOMI X SHUT UP AND DRIVE SERIES

++ MSBY GARAGE

❝ get you where you wanna go, if you know what i mean, got a ride that’s smoother than a limousine ❞

dt — @omisluvr i hope you like this, i had a lot of fun writing about you and your husband <3

warnings — nsfw : oral [recieving]

“what the fuck were you even thinking when you said yes to him anyway?”

sakusa pinched the bridge of his nose as he stood in the doorway of his high rise apartment. you were looking up at him, eyes glossy and hair drenched. your skin soaked not just from the rain, but from the fresh, hot tears that had run down your face as your hands scrunched the hem of your soaking sweater, the material quickly growing uncomfortable to wear.

the outside hitter sighed before stepping out the way to let you in.

“stay there.” his deep voice rang through your ears as he left to grab you a fresh towel to use.

you stood there, glancing around the sleek apartment as the city lights from down below leaked softly through the windows emitting a soft glow around the room. moments later, you heard footsteps approach as your eyes flickered over to the hallway.

sakusa strode over to you, handsome features highlighted and sharpened under the dim lights. sticking his hand out, he dropped the plush white towel into your awaiting arms as a plastic bag. you looked up at him confused regarding the bag, but before you could ask, he cut straight in.

“strip.”

“excuse me?” you choked out as you stared at the man in disbelief.

“you’re excused.” he muttered bluntly as you wiped your face with the warm towel. “you’re all wet. strip here and go shower and then we’ll talk.” he finished as he turned to leave you standing, dripping wet on the doormat of the entrance.

sakusa walked down the hall towards the bathroom and began to run the hot water and ensure the vents were working for you. having him out of sight, you sniffled and began to peel the wet clothing off your body and toss it into the plastic bag you’d dropped onto the floor. after stripping bare, you wrapped the inviting towel around your cold body and padded towards the bathroom. sakusa had left the light on and had already heated the water for you to prevent any time wasted.

you dropped the plastic bag on top of the white wicker laundry basket and stepped into the wet room style shower. the cool tiles beneath your feet caused shivers to run through your body as you turned the tap on for hot water to flow out.

as a fresh wave of hot water flooded down you, so did a fresh set of hot tears. you did your best to hold back the sobs you’d been keeping in, but it was all too much now.

‘better get it out now before talking.’ you thought as you let the tears flow freely down your face.

luckily, sakusa kept an array of various shower products so you knew you wouldn't have to come out the shower smelling like a six foot plus man who’d had a shower at the gym. after knowing sakusa for so many years, you knew he was picky about his products and you were eternally grateful for his favoured and toned-down scent of ‘ocean waves’.

lathering the soap across every inch of your now warming skin, your sobs slowed down and your breathing less jagged. your chest still hurt, but whether that was your crying causing chest ache or your now-ex causing heart break, you didn’t care anymore. you saw the end of your already deteriorating relationship approaching from a mile away anyway. if anything, you were partially thankful it had come crashing down, ending the anticipation that kept you on edge everyday. you just didn’t think it would actually hurt.

rinsing the soap off and feeling a bit better, you stepped away from the shower head as the water came to a halt. grabbing the fresh towel sakusa had left waiting for you on the radiator, you dried yourself as much as you could before wrapping the towel tightly around your body and stepping out the steaming room.

wandering through the dim hallway, you peeped into sakusa’s room as he scrolled through his phone, slouched on the king sized bed adorned with a firm, but certainly luxury mattress.

you knocked gently as his eyes snapped up at you. his expression still agitated looked, but softening at the sight of you.

“i don't have any spare clothes.” you murmured quietly, stepping into his clean and immaculately kept room.

he hummed before getting off the bed and rummaging through his own drawers. you stood there glancing around all of his medals and trophies won from years of playing in highschool and now pro. you had been present when he had won multiple of these awards. you happened to be one of the lucky few allowed close to sakusa. yes, you had known each other from a young age, but sakusa was ruthless in the sense of cutting people off; you had been someone exempt from that treatment though.

after a few moments, sakusa grunted with a pair of sweats in his hand as he looked down at your damp form.

you were taken aback slightly because despite sakusa slowly becoming more comfortable with personal boundaries, particularly in the recent years, you still grew slightly shocked everytime he willingly loaned you something of his own.

“thanks.” you whispered as you took the dry clothes and headed over to his en suite bathroom.

locking the door behind you, you quickly threw the sweats on and inhaled the natural scent that had rubbed off onto the clothes. sakusa smelt expensive in your opinion. yes, it was his natural scent, but anyone could tell he was a man of serious selfcare just from the scent of his clothes alone.

satisfied with your dry attire, you hung the towel on the radiator before switching off the light and stepping back into sakusa’s bedroom.

the sweats were definitely too big for you, but he had done his best to find one of his older sets in hopes of them perhaps fitting you a little more and for the sake of his own comfort knowing you weren’t wearing any clothes he’d regularly wear and fear catching too many external germs onto. you smiled weakly at him upon catching eye contact as he sighed and patted beside him on the bed.

staying close friends with the germaphobe had definitely benefited you as you had only grown closer to the pro-volleyballer over the years, allowing the two of you to naturally grow physically closer too. there’s not a lot of people in the world sakusa would’ve allowed for them to shower, wear his clothes and especially not sit on his bed, but once again, you were exempt from that, you always were; and he knew why.

“so,” he began, cutting through the thick tension lingering. “what happened exactly.”

always so straight to the point. maybe running to sakusa immediately wasn't the best choice.

“he cheated.” you spoke dryly as sakusa’s frown grew deeper.

“explain.” he pressed as you felt your chest increasingly tighten.

“i showed up to his house and-” your eyes watered as tears began to spill out. opening your mouth to continue, you struggled as no noise came out. scrunching your eyes up in frustration, you sobbed once more but stopped as you felt a warm hand take in your own.

you looked up through blurred vision as sakusa had a firm, but sincere look on his face. tightening his grip slightly on your hand, you shakily breathed out before continuing.

“the door was unlocked, i went in and i saw.”

“saw what?”

“her. the girl he told me not to worry about. the one he promised me was nothing more than a friend.”

sakusa scoffed as you sighed warily, tears dripping down your chin.

“they were um- you know-”

“-having sex. yes, i get the idea.” sakusa quipped as your heart dropped.

“um, yeah. i just left and well, here i am.” you laughed bitterly, face wet once more and vision blurred.

“what a fucking loser.” sakusa spat out bitterly as you hung your head low.

“i don't even know why you said yes to him. what the hell does he even have going for him? tell me what exactly it is that he brings to the table, i’ve been dying to know.”

you looked up as sakusa’s hand held yours tightly.

sakusa looked almost as hurt as you did. you quickly put that idea to bed and assumed it was natural protectiveness. he was your best friend after all. you just didn’t know just how badly he had wanted more than that though.

“he was just- he was just there i guess. someone for me to date. maybe i was just lonely, i don’t know. i, fuck- i dont know omi! i dont fucking know anymore!” you sobbed as sakusa’s eyes softened.

“well. what are you gonna do now?” he spoke sharply, eyes fixated on you.

“nothing i guess. i’ll get over it, i knew it was bound to end anyway.”

“and running to me was your first option?”

“are you really that surprised? i just didn’t know who else to go to.”

sakusa sighed before standing up and urging you to stand up with him.

“where are we going?” you asked, begrudgingly standing up beside his toned form.

“to take you out. i’m not having you soak my sheets with tears caused by a loser.”

“but i’m not dressed for that!” “we’re staying in the car for the most part.” he confirmed, notioning for you to follow him back to the front door where his car keys were left.

you sighed but followed suit as sakusa grabbed one of his own sweaters to put on. looking back at you, sakusa noticed your down expression as his own heart tugged slightly. he could only hope you’d perk up by the time he’d taken you to where he intended. he almost felt bad. almost.

you huffed but followed sakusa out the apartment behind him and waited as he locked the door swiftly behind him. trailing sadly behind him towards the elevator, sakusa watched as your miserable state wallowed in sadness behind him.

waiting for you to get over the damage caused seemed pointless in his opinion. ever the efficient one, sakusa knew exactly how he wanted to go about getting you over your ex faster. he could only hope you’d cooperate with him.

the ride in the elevator with the occasional sniffle from you occupying the majority of the silence. at last, the elevator had reached below ground level and into the underground parking lot for residents to use.

you followed the man out the elevator and stayed close to him and the two of you headed over to sakusa’s reserved parking space. you heart picked up slightly upon locking your eyes onto sakusa’s car.

a matte black aston martin DB11 was parked perfectly into its designated space. the tinted windows showed you back your own reflection as you were met with the sight of your downcast face. brushing stray strands of hair out of your face, you sighed and waited for sakusa to unlock the car for you to get in.

to you, getting into the pro players car was no big deal, you were simply getting into a friends car for a casual outing. to anyone else, this would’ve been a huge deal though. nobody was allowed in sakusa kiyoomi’s car. he denied requests to drop off and pick up others and even teammates. the only exceptions from this rule were yourself and komori. nobody else.

sakusa unlocked the car and you clicked the door open on the passenger side. immediately, your nose was met with the heavy scent of air freshener and leather. the clean and polished interior never failed to impress you every time you rode with sakusa.

the outside hitter climbed into his own seat before shutting his door and waiting for you to shut your own. the leather of the seat cool under your sweats. shivers ran up your spin and the cold temperature car started up at the press of a button.

“strap in.” sakusa glanced over at you before fastening his own seatbelt and looking into the mirror to back the car up safely.

“hold still for a sec.” sakusa muttered as you felt his hand land on your shoulder as he looked back. his body close to yours, sakusa swiftly swung the car out his space as your breath hitched. why the hell did he have to get so close?

“you could’ve held the back of my seat.” you looked over at him as he revved the engine ready to speed out the exit.

“yeah you’re right, i could’ve. i just didn’t want to.” and with that, sakusa hit the acceleration and the car sped out the clear exit at high speed.

your head was thrown back and your heart fluttered at his words but you kept quiet as you tried to calm your nerves. sakusa however, looked like he was out to kill. you were just thankful the roads were clear in the late night.

his jaw tense and eyes sharp, sakusa made no mistakes as he swerved in and out of lanes so cleanly, leaving other drivers with no reason to complain.

“where are we even going?” you spoke up meekly as the man beside you pulled up at a red light. clicking his tongue in annoyance of the hold up, sakusa tilted his head to face you, his wavy mop of hair flopping back as his salient eyes met your own, throwing your heart off course.

“you’ll see.” was all he said as the light flashed amber. head snapping back to the front, sakusa revved his engine once more, hands both tightly gripped the finely stitched leather of the wheel. prominent veins running down the back of his hand, sakusa flexed his fingers before gripping the wheel once more and slamming back down on the accelerator throwing your head back into the headrest for the second time of the night.

if looks could kill, you were certain any driver in your best friends field of vision would’ve been dead at least two times over. you had no idea why he was so angry, but you’d be lying if you said you didn't find him at least slightly attractive. you just couldn't bring yourself to fully admit it though. you were fresh out of an awful break up and the heartache was still there even if sakusa was capable of effortlessly throwing you into a fit of excitement.  

you gazed out the window as the car sped along the highway as pulled off the main roads and into the more separated streets. you paid no attention to where it was you were going until a wave of familiarity washed over you. your stomach tightened and your eyes flashed in fear as you quickly turned to see sakusa as focused as before, pulling into a parking space resided along the street of houses next to it.

“what the fuck kiyoomi! why are we here”

“where else would i take you?”

“oh i don't know, 7-11 maybe?!” you huffed as sakusa scrunched his face in disgust.

“that’s not going to help you get over him. this will.”

sakusa nodded towards the houses outside. more specifically, your ex's house.

“i can’t do this, i don’t need this.”

“you can and you want to don’t you?

you stared at him in disbelief as you shook your head.

“not like this, not now.”

“look at me.” sakusa demanded as his hand reached up to cup the side of your face, pulling your gaze directly onto his face.

“he’s a fucking loser. you’ve cried over him enough already and i just can’t sympathise with you anymore, show him that he fucked up.”

you opened your mouth to speak but no words came out. once again, shaking your head, you pulled away from sakusa’s grip as he stared at you confused.

“how? how can i just confront him in this state? you don't understand omi! it still hurts, and i can’t just-”

“-it hurt me too. this whole time it hurt.” sakusa cut in swiftly.

“ever since you said yes to him, i couldn’t understand why it hurt until recently. maybe i should’ve been happy for you. i just couldn’t though. i don’t like him, i never did and you know what? he didn’t deserve you, but i think i do.” he confessed, expression sincere and voice clear and sharp.

“kiyoomi i-”

“-don’t answer me now. it’s not fair of me to just throw something like that at you, i’m sorry but i’m also really not. i’ve been waiting to say this. just please, don’t let yourself fall off over someone like him okay?” he turned away, one hand still firmly gripping the wheel as his other hand reached to start the engine again to drive you both back. your hand intercepted though, stopping him from starting the ignition.  

“you’re right, i’m sorry. i promise i won’t so, let me prove it to you.” sakusa turned to face you and raised an eyebrow at your sudden change of attitude.

“i don’t want to cry anymore. not over him, not when i knew it was approaching sooner or later.” you admitted looking up at him. eyes glinting under the dim lights the streetlights provided through the tinted windows.

“then don’t let him make you cry anymore.” sakusa breathed out, voice taking on a soft tone.

“i’m relying on you to keep me in check then.” you whispered slowly leaning into him and letting him meet you halfway.

“well, don’t you worry your pretty little head about that.” his final words muttered out as his slender fingers ran under your jawline as he tilted his head up to meet his own. eyes fluttering shut, sakusa mentally thanked whoever the fuck was looking out for him, because he’d been waiting for this moment for longer than he’d ever care to admit.

pressing his lips onto your own, sakusa’s heart ran laps as you gasped at the feeling his hands gripping your jaw tighter. humming in satisfaction, he deepened the quickly escalating kiss as he pulled you closer and closer to him. god, he just couldn't have you close enough to him.

sliding his hand down to your thighs, sakusa felt the way you had them tightly pressed together as the slow and languid kiss quickly heated with each whine he drew from your lips. growing greedy to hear more, sakusa dominated the kiss completely, teeth scraping along your bottom lip ever so gently, drawing a sharp gasp from your throat. with your lips slightly parted, sakusa slipped his tongue into your mouth groaning at your responsiveness to his actions.

pulling away, he left you gasping but gave you no time to catch your breath as his lips strayed from your own and you felt his hot breath teasing the warm skin of your neck. not wasting another moment, sakusa let his canines dance along your sensitive skin, teasing you and leaving you unaware of his every next move. finally, letting his teeth drag along your collarbone for so long, sakusa kissed, sucked and bit everywhere he had access too. he needed to mark you as his. it would give him enough mental confirmation that you were finally his and you seemed to have no obligation to this in the slightest.

“omi, i can’t-” you whined, frustration building up as the clothes you were wearing now became more and more of a bother.

“i got you princex.” sakusa grunted, shifting his body away ever so slightly.

“please!” you groaned, glaring at the now smirking man.

“whatever happened to ‘i can’t do this’?” he mocked relishing in the control he had over you.

“i didn’t think you meant this!” you whined as sakusa pulled himself off of you momentarily. looking down at your hot and bothered state he felt a wave of pride hit. he did that to you.

“backseat.” he demanded notioning behind him.

“what?” you breathed out.

“you heard. backseat.” you grumbled but obliged regardless, climbing into the backseats of the luxury car. sakusa followed suit and hovered over your aching body as you rested your head against the doors tinted window, waiting for sakusa to do something, anything.

“so obedient.” he sighed trailing his fingers along the waistband of the already loose sweats, hands slowly slipping under the material, tugging them off painfully slow, much to your impatience.

your breathing stuttered as the man pressed a soft trail of kisses along your now exposed thighs, the temperature of the car only increasing as the air got thicker and thicker.

“please.” you whispered as his kisses met the ache between your legs.

eyes lustfully looking up at you, sakusa smiled against the skin of your inner thigh, breath hitting dangerously close to where you needed his attention the most.

“since you asked so nicely.” he praised, fingers hooking under the thin waistband of your soaked through panties. pulling them down, his eyes flickered up to meet your own. a look of sincerity glinted in his eyes as you nodded at him, permitting him to grant what you both wanted, what you both needed. you wanted this as much as he did and he’d be a fool to pass up an opportunity like this. the opportunity to show you what you could’ve had from the start, none of that mattered now though. you could his now, he’d make up for all the time lost, starting with now.

gasping at the sudden feeling of his tongue dipping into your slit, sakusa’s confidence only built up knowing you were comfortable with this. the warmth of his tongue causing you squeeze your eyes shut as shivers ran up and down your spine. fully trusting himself now, sakusa worked his mouth on your clit, hungrily chasing the desperate pleads ands gasps he’d quickly grown attached to. he needed to draw more of these out of you and he’d do just that.

toying with your clit with his tongue, sakusa groaned at the feeling of your hands quickly grabbing the base of his hair, tugging him closer and closer in desperate attempts to get him to go deeper. he made it his aim to get you just as hooked onto the feeling of intimacy as he was and you seemed to be following suit perfectly.

“k-kiyoomi!” you gasped, tugging harder at the dark strands tightly gripped between your fingers. his eyes flashed up at you, an almost unreadable expression shown as he pulled away momentarily. “you’re so beautiful you know,” he sighed before moving his mouth back down to your twitching core “so fucking beautiful.” he praised as he glanced up to memorize each pleasured expression that twisted across your face. he felt so proud knowing he was the one doing this to you, only he could make your eyes roll back the way he did, only he could draw out those pretty sounds that escaped your lips. he knew he was the only one capable because he knew he was always the better choice for you, he was better than your ex in every single way and he was just relieved he was finally getting the chance to prove it to yourself.

completely encasing your core between his lips once more, he swallowed everything you gave him so selfishly, refusing to let anything go to waste and spill onto the seats, it’s not like he could let anything go to waste anyway, not when you tasted this fucking good and certainly not when you were in his clean car.

“o-omi, more!” you chanted as sakusa grunted as you felt the knot inside of you progressively tighten. firm fingers gripping your hips, sakusa curled his tongue inside of you making sure to lap up everything he got out of you. you whined and chanted sakusa’s name like a mantra as he continued to worship your body with his mouth.

“please, please, please!” you recited desperately over and over again as you felt yourself closer to the edge.

“so good for me.” sakusa praised pulling away and loosening his grip on you, your arousal coating his chin. keeping one hand firmly gripped onto your waist, he moved his other hand down for his fingers to pinch and toy with the bud as his tongue quickly dipped back into your tight pussy as you felt your high quickly chase up on you.

“f-fuck!” you cried out as you felt your back arch as the ecstasy crashed down on you. his actions didn’t stop though, as his thumb continued to circle your clit with slow but firm movements only further forcing your mind to go blank. mindless babbles dribbled out your mouth as you slowly came down from your peak, sakusa continued to let every drop of arousal spill into his mouth before he pulled away panting.

face flushed, but satisfied, he caught his own breath and waited for you to fully come back to your senses. your own breathing once again jagged, you looked up at him shyly as you leaned forward to rest your head against his.

“s-shit, i didn’t think it would go this far.” sakusa admitted, grabbing a tissue from the side compartment to wipe his face. a look of disgust flashed momentarily on his face when he saw the mess on the tissue, but silently praising himself for keeping his car free from any spills onto the plush leather seats.

you laughed breathily before fluttering your eyes shut.

“i knew coming to see you was a good idea.”

“you didn’t know this was going to happen, fuck, i didn’t even know this was going to happen. i only brought you here to confront him.” the dark haired male sighed before pulling away from you.

the two of you stayed like that for a few moments, a comfortable silence lingering in the compressed air of the car. you hadn’t verbally confirmed it yet, but sakusa knew from this moment onwards you were finally his. a blissful feeling bubbled up inside of him as he processed what had just happened.

suddenly, a loud tap on the window caused the two of you to jolt in shock as you instinctively gripped the hem of the disregarded sweats in attempts to cover your exposed body. leaning over to the front drivers seat, sakusa peered at the window and was met with the furious face of your ex. scoffing, he slid into the driver's seat and let the window roll down to come face to face with the man you called your boyfriend several hours prior to what had just happened.

“what the fuck are you doing here?” you ex spat in anger as sakusa glared back equally as bitter.

“enjoying myself.” sakusa boredly stated as your ex’s face twisted into an expression of horror upon noticing you climbing back over to the front passenger seat with your clothes now back on, but appearance definitely disheveled.

“with that bitch?” the man outside of the car hissed as sakusa blocked his view.

“first of all, that so-called bitch? mine now, should’ve been from the start actually and secondly, get your disgusting presence away from my car, i’ve already had it deep cleaned this week and thanks to you, it’s gonna have to go back to be cleaned thoroughly again.”

your ex scoffed before backing up slightly.

“whatever, get the fuck out of my parking space though, and you,” he started past sakusa and directly into your eyes. “this makes you just as bad as me now so get off your high-horse.”

“actually,” you spoke up, hand resting on sakusa’s forearm to calm his peaking rage. “it doesn’t. kiyoomi was just a friend throughout the entirety of our relationship, he should’ve been the one to have been more than that though. it was never you.” you spoke briskly and cooly as sakusa smirked beside you.

before your ex could even open his mouth, sakusa let the windows slam but up before pressing the ignition.

“let’s just get out of here, you’re tired and it’s been a long day for you.” he offered a small smile as you nodded. outside, your ex was still yelling and begging for answers as the two of you took no notice. firing the engine back up, sakusa didn’t bother looking back before slamming onto the acceleration and speeding the two of you back through the streets and onto the main highway to take you back to his apartment where the two of you had things to talk about.

there was a lot lingering in the both of your minds, but you were certain the two of you were finally on the same page.

sakusa was upset you were hurt, but it didn’t matter now. you were his and over time, he’d help build you back up again, hand in hand, he wanted to put the time and effort into you that he had been wanting to do from the very start.

there weren’t a lot of people sakusa kiyoomi allowed close to him, would go out of his way for, would even care about for that matter, but as always, each and every time, you were exempt from that.

++ TAGLIST! @crescenttooru @miss-angel-ash @sarahvvictoria @babierin @omisluvr @s0utien @toobsessedsstuff @omibaby @kenkodzu @sugabeaniee @lovesunas @slutawara @bunny-on-crack @shouyouorange @memorableminds @whootwhoot @yikes-buddy @sweetsamus

[internetreadingpanda]

July 30, 2022

dear moon,

I don’t have words to describe what’s been going on in my life lately. In just 15 days a lot has changed. I feel like I have grown up a lot and also, I am turning 18 this august. This dark, dark realization of growing old. I have started smoking regularly and at times I even dislike it but it gives me peace. It makes me feel like the world has stopped and it is just me and this cigarette against all the chaos; voices in my head stop when I smoke and when the buzz fades it is all same again. That is why I hate it too but now I can’t help it too. I also drank vodka last week and after two pegs I was on the verge to cry. I do not know the reason, maybe it was because the demon had stopped speaking and it was just my heavy heart beating rhythmically. I did not cry because I was sad but because I was at peace and did not feel anything.

For the last few months, I had been talking to so many girls on ig. They seem to like me a lil but when I asked them out, they said, “ Yes, we can meet, but let’s not call it a date; there was no certainty. But then there is this girl, oh jeez, she is literally a goddess and has no flaws. I have been following her for a year. When I first followed her, since then I wanted to meet her. I used to take screenshots of her snaps, I would stalk her account to see her OOTDs and I had never imagined that I would get to go on a date with her. Can you believe how HUGE this is for me, like a dream come true? In moments like these, I like to think, that the universe is with me and it does want me to win. However, the next moment, it shatters my whole idea of winning. The next day after the date, my father messaged me, “I am not coming home ever and I am switching my phone off”. When I got this message I was working at paudha and I didn’t seem to care but when my mom called and enquired about him I kind of felt something is wrong. 

Let’s name this girl Helen because she actually is a goddess, Goddess of things I can never possess. Also, first, let me tell you something about her. She is from Bihar, resides in Delhi NCR, and both of her parents are working, she comes from a well-to-do family and has a 15-year-old brother. She dances and sings (not just a hobby), is brilliant at studies, goes to the gym, gotten offer letters from many respected universities, and will move to the US for post-grad. She has been to many countries and experienced all the adventures. She’s literally a 10. 

I have been talking to her for like a month and nobody has made me feel like she does. She genuinely seems to care about my day-to-day life and she gives back the same energy. She tells me every detail of her day and how badly she wanted to talk to me. We flirt, crack jokes, and tell each other stuff about families and ourselves. Although, I have not told her so much about myself yet. One day when I was at Ashu’s place (the day I got drunk for the first time) I called her and as usual, she told me about her day and how she’s close to her brother, he checked my IG profile then he went on like he writes such dark poetries meanwhile I was just listening to her. For a moment we ran out of topics so she asked me about my family and I got all blank, I did not know what to say. I told her I get uncomfortable whenever it comes to my family because of some traumatic past; then she was like yeah but yk sometimes I feel Idk who am I talking to and then we went on talking about something else.

The next day, I gave thought to what she said yesterday so I decided to tell her a lil about my family and I texted her about how my brother tried to kill my father and the result that my father tried to kill himself. Her reaction to this was all sorry and she asked when did that happen and she also said even if we date or do not I want you to know that I am always here for you. I felt as if some burden has gotten out of my shoulders because she did not judge me for this. These days, the best part of my day is talking to her, I start smiling when I see her text. I feel I can show her my scars and she’s gonna let me pretend I have none. She sometimes says things like “please don’t break my heart”, “promise me you won’t gonna fuck me up” to which I reply “I am no harm to you and you have the all supreme power to do anything to me. You are the actual main character and we are living in your world.” She finds me sweet and I think of her as a goddess. 

On Monday, when I was heading off for my evening practice her message came.

“Are you free tomorrow?” 

I replied, “I have cricket practice.”

then she said when do you get free?

I told her my practice schedule and she was like I only have time on Tuesday. She wanted to say please make it on Tuesday or else idk when we will meet but she did not say that directly as she did not want to sound selfish because I’ll have to miss my practice because of her. I understood the significance of the situation and I told her to meet tomorrow and that it is not a big deal if I miss practice.  

From then on, everything started to seem delightful. I was so cheerful that I cannot describe that feeling in words. At practice, I was smiling most of the time. Later Susu asked me what happened and I told him about the date. I love how these people get happy over my happiness. They have nothing to gain from this, despite that they are celebrating. No matter what goes wrong in my life, there’s only one thing I will always be grateful for and that is my friends. 

So, tomorrow came, and my morning started with going to work at paudha. Paudha had taken us to an apartment in Vasant Vihar. Vasant Vihar is a very posh locality where all the rich kids live and of course, I dream to buy a house there. Paudha took us there for some gardening work as the owner of that apartment wanted to grow some vegetables over her terrace. She also wanted some new plants and her terrace to be cleaned. Paudha gave us this job and we (Nikhil and I) got Rs. 500 each. I hated working there because you have to do all that cleaning and stuff around the street as well and people would look at you, I feel so small around them and at the same time I’d think Helen is also looking at me after all, she comes from such locality as well. However, I was enjoying it that day despite I knew I will be late for my date but I cheered because I knew as this gets over I will see a glimpse of heaven; I will see her and that is the best of all things. 

So the work at Vasant Vihar was done early n the morning and we were at Paudha then her message came and the first thing that crossed my mind was, please don’t make her cancel the date god, please! The message said: I’M GOING TO FUCK SOMETHING UP. A screenshot was attached and it has a message from her dad on the family group saying “you are not going out today kashu and no behas on this”.  My beautiful morning had turned into mourning, at that point, I was convinced I am not going to see her and as I did not want to have any more expectations I simply created a scenario where there was no possibility of meeting her and me. Another message arrived after a few moments: NO, I’M COMING. Then she called and I freaked out because I was working and I had not told her that I work somewhere but Nikhil helped me out, I went inside the godown (it is not actually a godown just some space where paudha keeps different kinds of pots). Over the call, she asked me if I can come to Noida as her parents are not letting her go. I was of course convinced. I would have agreed over anything because it is I who has dropped his practice, who has borrowed money from a friend, which shows how badly I want t see her. She also sounded sorry because everything was planned and Noida does not have anything as compatible with our date place in Delhi. Even Nikhil was so pissed; he was like this is not done, how can she change everything at the last moment. He wanted it to happen more than myself. 

Later, IDK how she convinced her parents or what she did but we were back to our plan A which is an art gallery (there was no plan B though she just made that ATM). I was still at Paudha when she briefed me. I checked the time and I had only an hour and a half to go home and get ready. Thanks to Nikhil, he asked me to leave immediately saying he will take of everything here you just focus on your date. So I ran toward my home, took a bath, and ate whatever there was without complaining. I looked at my watch and BOOM an hour passed. Now I only had 30 mins and yet I had to get flowers, chocolates, and some rings for myself. I was so late that I called Ashu and told him to be there at PVR and buy all this stuff for me so I could just take them from him and leave. Unfortunately. Ashu had no idea of what kind of flowers one should get for a date. I was literally running in the metro and as I reached PVR, I saw him and hugged him tightly. I asked if I am smelling bad cuz I was running all the way and I’d gotten a bit sweaty. He said, “Yeah, you stink a bit just a Lil bit”. I got really upset and it was him who cheered me up otherwise I would have killed myself. We bought flowers, I don’t remember the name, but they looked really pretty and fancy. I was also carrying a pack of ultra-mild cigarettes because I decided to flaunt my Dil Bechara personality to her.  

On her side, she had reached and texted me but I could not reply because I was running then she called and I told her I will be there in the max of 20 mins. She did not sound pissed or anything but nobody likes waiting so I ran faster. The BSF guard at the metro security check asked me if I’m going to give these flowers to somebody or if I have gotten these from someone. I told him these are for someone and he smiled at me. On the platform, a girl was making a video of me while I was waiting for my train carrying flowers in my hand along with chocolates and a book. So many amazing things were happening around me and I literally felt like the main character. You see, these are the consequences when a goddess starts liking you; when a goddess demands your presence the whole world pushes you toward her. Even in the metro, everybody kept looking at me and I was blushing beneath my mask. I reached the metro station where she had been waiting for me. She was at the food court, standing near a pillar. A saw her from a distance because of her hair, they are short and colored. As her eyes met mine, in that instant, everything got all blurred. Even now that I visit that place again I try so hard to recall near which pillar she stood but I just cannot; that is the thing about happiness right, you have no scars to remember it or to show someone. I laugh at this inability of mine where I try my best to replay each and every scene but all I see is just a glimpse of us. 

She had worn a dark brown jumpsuit and very cute flip-flops. Her outfit was subtle and those flip-flops made it vibrant to some extent. One would look at her with full admiration from head to toe but definitely hold their gaze over her feet. Her feet were immaculately beautiful. 

I went up to her and straight away she cheered up and threw her arms around me. As we hugged the first thing she asked was, “Why are you so sweaty?” She did not ask that in some bad way she was just curious.

“I got late because I brought you flowers”, I said that giving her the flowers. She accepted them with both of her hands then she literally blushed saying, “There was no need for this”. I did not say anything to that and gave her the chocolates and then the book. She got speechless for a moment and then said “C’mon Yushie, you did not have to do all this”.

“I actually got late because I was getting all this stuff for you, so I first went to Saket along with Ashu then I got back in the metro and came back here” I explained that is how I got all sweaty. 

She was really happy because of the flowers and I asked her “Is it that big of a deal?”

“Is it not? Nobody has ever brought me flowers” She said that with a straight face and I was like damn bro! Bringing her flowers was the best idea, hence,

 YOU: 1     other dude: 0

But I actually never brought flowers to impress her in the first place. I just wanted to give her flowers; she deserves flowers; she is a flower, of this painful world. 

We started moving towards the platform and I was so much into her that we unknowingly went to the wrong platform. 

We reached Saket 20 mins late but who cared about time? We had to go to Champa gali’s bari cafe and for that, we needed an auto. I thought I will have to call for auto because I am the guy and the last time when I went out Kayush, I had to do everything, But here she took the lead and dealt with the auto guy, she even negotiated and I was amused by her skills. 

Again I was back to that same lane I took a year ago to meet Cezzane but this time the memories did not hit hard maybe it was because I am with somebody better than her. We reached Champa Gali in like 15 mins and she looked for Baari cafe but there was a sign that says ‘we are temporarily closed. She sounded a bit upset because she had seen some reviews of that cafe and it was really pretty from the inside. Then she asked me, “where shall we go?”

“There are some other nice cafes too”, I gestured. We went ahead in Champa Gali and she asked me to go to the same cafe I had been with Cezzane and Kayush. I chuckled as she chose four directions. 

“What happened?” She asked with a completely baffled look. 

“Nothing”, I said trying not to smile. She was leading the way and as we were up to the door I realized I had to open the door for her so I rushed to move forward from her but she had already opened the door and I was like oh no! I told her I wanted to open the door for you then she looked down, smiled, and held the door gesturing ‘after you’. 

We sat on the couch, there was Jenga over the table and Menus. For the first few minutes, I could not believe that this is real; that this is actually happening and I wanted to tell her that but I had no words. I do not remember how we started the conversation, it just happened, maybe over the menu or something. Isn’t it amazing, how the thing that was terrifying me the most happened so nonchalantly, in a fleeting moment. And not just this one thing, all my fears like what to order or the bill thing. She took care of everything and especially of me. 

We spent 2 hours in the cafe, had lunch, and talked about so many things. She told me about her friends (which I wanted to know since the day I started following her on ig), about her parents and family. She did the talking mostly and I never felt I need to push this conversation, it just kept going and going. Also, there a moment came when was eating with a fork and knife and I don’t know how to use that. I was feeling a little embarrassed then all of a sudden I remembered how when I was with Cezzane, I was eating spaghetti and I did not know how to eat it properly and the table was a lil far from me to reach. I was so embarrassed that I did not eat it and I still regret it. So I decided I will not let that happen again and I don’t want this to be ruined. With all my innocence I asked her, “Could you please help me with this, I don’t know how to eat with a knife and fork”. 

She said sure and with that happy-to-help smile, she took the knife and showed me how we cut the food. Then with the help of the fork, she picked the food piece and fed me like you feed a lil child. Later she made a video of me where I was struggling to eat with a knife and fork and that was so cute. 

After having lunch we took an auto to the art gallery, in the auto we were clicking pictures and I thought I should now take out my cigarette. I did not know she is making a video when I did that and it got all recorded. She was amused seeing a cigarette between my lips. 

“You can light it if you want”, She said. 

Then I dropped that killer dialogue, “No, I do not smoke”, I took the cigarette in my hand, “See, you put the killing thing right between your teeth but you never give it the power to kill you. It is just a metaphor.” 

“It is childish”, she looked away. 

“C’mon I always wanted to do this”. 

So yeah, this stunt did not come out as I wanted it to be but to make it worse the auto driver offered me a matchstick and she laughed, a lot. I somehow managed not to have myself embarrassed more... by putting back the cigarette in the pack. 

“You did not like it?” I asked her. 

“It does not matter”, still not looking at me, “You can do anything you want”.

I leaned toward her, “anything?” I said looking straight into her eyes with deep passion. 

“Oh, c’mon Yushie”. 

At the mall, we spent a few minutes looking for the Kiran Nadar Art Gallery. I was carrying her bag and she, the flowers. The lady at the counter where we had to submit our bag and stuff asked me why are you carrying a women’s bag and Helen told her it is hers. She looked at us both and smiled. 

I love it when these things happen when people see something unusual so they ask you and when they get the reason behind it, they adore it. 

The art gallery was so peaceful. At first, we did not even see any people but there were many inside. She was looking at the piece of art and I was looking at her. We both were looking at what we find beautiful. The child in me who loves Helen was not able to understand the meaning behind the art so I had to keep asking her. She, in her impeccable manner, kept narrating to me the stories behind those arts. A moment came when we sat on the bench, looking at the wall and there was nobody else in the room. The distance between us was Lil to no. 

“What is this smell”, she asked out of nowhere. 

“What smell?” I was scared that I was stinking. 

“I don’t know”, she sniffed at my shoulder and I moved away a Lil. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Tell me if the smell is nice or not”. 

“It’s nice only. Which perfume do you use?”. Finally, I got some assurance.

I was wearing my brother’s perfume and that too was some cheap brand so I just said it is my brother’s I don’t know the name. 

We were so close that our forearms touched. She saw my veins and asked me to flex and as I did she touched them. She liked my forearms. The grabbed my hand, in a manner where the spaces of my fingers are filled with hers. I was completely shocked. I wanted everything to stop at that moment; just wanted to feel her palm on mine. One thing I knew for sure was that her hand would never harm me. I am safe here. 

We walked like that for a while, rubbing our thumbs. I kept looking at our hands, wishing by some miracle, we could never let it go. But I don’t remember when she let my hand go, maybe if I knew I would have held it tighter. When she was looking at the art, I wanted to look at her so I was walking backward, facing her. The wooden flooring made some noise when my feet struck the floor and she would look at me often.

After the art gallery, we went to the mall. I started feeling small there like I do not belong there but she sure does. So I got all quiet. She saw a store that has scented candles and stuff like that and said something about it. She realized I have not heard of it so she took me in there and like the salesperson shows stuff and explains, she showed me the products. 

While strolling in the mall for a while she wanted to go to Starbucks. I told her I have never been there and I know nothing of it she grabbed my hand and took me in there. Everything was so opulent there, all the pretty people working, talking, laughing; humans being humans. She got me her fav drink and asked me how is it. I nodded. 

“What happened to you?” She asked.

“Nothing, I just don’t like it when people are around”. A couple was sitting right next to us. They both were so pretty and talked in some accent I could never understand. Yes, even Helen started to speak in English and I was like... why!!??? 

“Well this is my kinda place”, She smiled. I just nodded returning a smile and thought no matter how hard I try I can never fit with her. I am just too damaged for her. Since day one I knew she’ll break my heart yet I just let her. 

The clock hit 4:30 and we knew it is time to go. We clicked some pictures, where ofc I feared not looking good but I got a decent one finally. Outside the mall, under the clear sky when sunrays fell on her she seemed a bit irritated so I wondered what is happening. She told me she is allergic to sun rays; she cannot look at the sun directly or else she’d start sneezing. And me, out of my complete innocence asked her how. She looked at the sun and sneezed. 

“OMG! You people have such cute allergies”, I was flattered just by her allergies. I mean in my life I have seen allergies to food, drinks, or some kind of smell but, this was so different. So from then on when we walked I tried to cover her face so she does not get under direct sun exposure. I leaned a bit forward or I would put my hand to cover her face. I wanted to protect her and keep her like a child trying to protect their favorite toy. 

In the metro, when it was time to say goodbye I could feel my heart skipping a  beat; it wants what it wants. I suck at goodbyes, but I am so glad I was with someone who makes goodbye so hard. I hated it when the metro reached the platform so quick. Generally, it takes 4-8 minutes but no, not today. We talked for a while about how amazing today was then she gave me the goodbye hug and this time it was a Lil tight which made me think does it mean something? I was too happy to be bothered by that and I watched her leave. She laughed when I asked can I come with you? but how do I tell her that It tore the heart out of my body saying goodbye to her?

Love&Lights

Yushie

[nastybuckybarnes]

In a Heartbeat  -  Four

Pairing: Fireman!Bucky X Reader

Summary: You’ve always been careful with your heart. With your condition, you don’t exactly have any other choice. The last time you let someone in, you paid the price. A price you don’t plan on paying again. Until Bucky comes in and shatters your carefully crafted world.

Warnings: Language, Fluff, Almost Smut

Word Count: 2.3K

A/n: hello I hope you all enjoy this!! I’m loving this series and I hope to keep updating it and Of Kings and Beasts regularly. Idk though. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

~*~

“You’re sure I look good?”

Nat groans and climbs off your couch reluctantly, grabbing you by the shoulders and stopping you from pacing anymore.

“You look gorgeous.” You bite your bottom lip nervously, hands itching to come up to your mouth.

Your hair is pushed behind your ears, natural and beautiful, and your makeup is light. Adorning your body is a simple light blue dress that stops just above your knees, as well as a beige cardigan that hangs loosely off of your shoulders.

Nat grabs you a pair of beige heels and shoves them into your hands.

“Put your shoes on and stop worrying. He’s on his way up so even if you didn’t look good there’s no time to change now.” You nod, taking a few deep breaths before crouching down and putting your shoes on. Right as you’re doing up the clasp around your ankle there's a knock on your door.

You freeze in place, looking at Natasha in absolute terror, and she rolls her eyes.

“It’s open!” She calls. You shake your head, one shoe on and the other off as you run to your bedroom.

“I can’t,” you whisper as the door starts to open. Hiding away in your bedroom, you listen to Nat greet Bucky.

“She’s almost ready. Just needs to grow a pair,” The redhead says loudly, her footsteps clomping towards the bedroom door.

She whips it open, ready to give you an earful, but when she sees the genuine fear on your face she reconsiders.

“Beans, you’re gonna be okay. He’s a real gentleman and he won’t do anything that you don’t want to do, I promise.” You take a few deep breaths, trying to hold back tears.

“What if I get hurt again, Nat? I don’t think I could handle it.” The weak whimper that leaves you has her heart shattering in her chest.

“He won’t hurt you. If he does I’ll kill him, I swear I will.” You sniffle and chuckle softly, sliding your foot into your other shoe and doing the clasp up.

“Okay. I think I’m ready.” She nods, taking your hand and giving it a firm squeeze before stepping aside and motioning to the door.

You take a deep breath, lift your chin, then leave your bedroom.

Bucky stands in the doorway, a bouquet of flowers in his grasp. He’s wearing a pair of black jeans and a black button-up, as well as a leather jacket.

“Wow,” he whispers, eyes wide as he takes you in.

“You look... wow.”

You smile shyly at him. “You clean up pretty nice yourself, James.” He chuckles, then, as if remembering he’s holding flowers, offers the bouquet to you.

“I uh... I didn’t know what kind of flowers you’d like... and Steve said to get red roses but Nat said that red roses are for love and I think it’s too early for that because this is our first date and all and I really didn’t wanna scare you away and now I’m definitely talking too much but I’ve been looking forward tot his for.. since we set our real first date and-” Nat interrupts his rambling, hating and loving seeing her usually so confident friend stumbling over his words.

“You’re doing great, Casanova. Keep this up and she won’t even leave.” You glare at Nat over your shoulder, not wanting her to be mean to Bucky.

“Thank you, I love them.”

He got you a bouquet of beautiful lavender roses, white lilies, and an assortment of small little leaves that tie the whole bouquet together.

“Nat, can you put these in a vase for me please?” You hand the bouquet to her after taking a long sniff, smiling eagerly at her. She nods, taking them from you and handing you your purse.

“Now go on. Have fun kids, use a condom and all that.” You groan, risking a glance at Bucky to see that his cheeks are bright pink.

Feeling better at the fact that you’re not the only nervous one, you take his outstretched arm and allow him to walk you out of your apartment.

“So where are you taking me?” You ask, smiling up at him.

“Well, I know this little café that makes these nice little sandwiches. I figured we could start there, grab a bite to eat and see where the day takes us.” You nod, taking a few deep breaths to calm your heart.

~*~

“I’m really glad you gave me a chance, I know things started really rocky but I... I’m glad I get a second chance.”

You smile at him, setting down your cup of tea and nodding.

“Of course. I don’t think I would have ever heard the end of it from Nat if I didn’t anyway.” The two of you share a laugh, him smiling brightly at you.

“I’ll make sure I thank her.” You nod, taking another sip of the decaf tea, heart thundering in your chest.

“I-I’m sorry, I just need to take something. I’m very nervous and my heart-” He reaches across the table and grabs your hand, squeezing gently.

“You don’t need to explain it to me if you don’t want to. Do whatever you need to do to keep yourself healthy, okay? Your health and happiness... those are my top priority.” You swear if it wasn’t beating unbearably fast against your ribs it would melt.

You take your pills as discreetly as you can, but Bucky, being ever the gentleman, excused himself to the bathroom to give you space to do whatever you need to do.

~*~

“I uh... I pushed Steve out of the way when we were in a really bad fire. I saw the beam coming down and it would’ve killed him. So I pushed him out of the way and... took the damage instead. Doctors told me if I had waited a second longer it would’ve been too high up and would’ve got me right in the chest. Instead... it took my arm.”

You sit idling in Bucky’s truck in front of your apartment, the two of you talking for the past two hours.

“Oh James... I’m so sorry.” He shakes his head, smiling at you. “If it hadn’t happened then Steve wouldn’t be alive and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I could’ve done something. Besides, Tommy thinks it’s pretty cool.” You nod at that, fingers tracing small patterns on his metal hand.

“I uh... When I was younger my mom was really careful with me. She wouldn’t let me do gym class... I could never go out with friends... nothing. One day we got into a nasty fight before I went to school. We called each other names and said awful things...

“I stopped on my way to school and bought an energy drink.” He stiffens beside you, eyes wide.

“I’d never even had caffeinated tea before, but I was so... so angry. I thought that... ‘whatever happens will teach her’. And I drank it. The whole can. I started feeling it halfway through class and when I raised my hand to tell my teacher... I just passed out. Collapsed right there in the middle of math class. They rushed me to the hospital and... I’ll never forget the fear I saw on my mom’s face. They said I almost killed myself. My heart couldn't handle the caffeine and I almost died. So from then on I just kinda... listened to my mom. Lived my life in the safe lane.”

He’s quiet for a long moment, eyes on your pretty face as you continue tracing patterns on his prosthetic.

“I’m glad you took a chance with me,” he whispers.

You look up at him, a shy smile on your face.

“I am too.”

His eyes flicker from your lips to your eyes, and you do the same, silently granting him permission.

He leans in, and before you have a moment to second-guess your decision, his warm lips are against yours.

You whimper, hand grabbing his wrist while the other finds his hair. He leans forward, lips moving against yours as if that is what they were made to do.

After a moment he pulls away, eyes wide.

“I-I’m sorry! I should’ve told you. I shouldn’t have done that. I-is your heart okay?” You giggle, pushing him back into his seat and climbing over until you’re seated comfortably on his lap.

“It's gonna take a little more than some kissing to stop me,” you whisper, bringing your lips back down onto his.

He kisses you with newfound passion, hands gripping your waist and pulling you tight against him. His tongue explores your mouth, dancing with your own and making you feel things you haven’t felt in... ever.

When you pull away to breathe he doesn't stop. No, his lips, teeth, and tongue work their way down your neck until you’re quivering on top of him, body desperate for more.

“Come upstairs,” you whisper, panting against his mouth.

He lets out a weak chuckle then sighs, shaking his head.

“I shouldn’t.” You pull away, giving him a confused look. “Why not?” His hands find your thighs beneath your dress and he rubs his thumbs in circles on the soft skin.

“I... I wanna take my time with you. I wanna take you out again and I wanna wine and dine you real nice. If we just get right to it... It doesn’t feel right.” You go to climb off his lap but he stops you.

“This feels right. I didn’t mean that this,” he motions to where you are,” doesn’t feel right. I just... you already deserve so much more than I can give you, and I wanna do everything I can to prove that I’m gonna take care of you. Believe me, I wanna come upstairs and fuck you until you can’t remember your goddamn name.” You shiver at his words and he chuckles, pulling your hips forward a bit. You gasp as you feel his hard length through his pants, pressing up against you.

“I fucking want you,” he murmurs, leaning forward to press a kiss to your neck. “You’ve got no idea how bad I want you. But you deserve to be taken out and treated like a queen.” He pulls away, flesh hand coming up and cupping your cheek.

“I like you, (Y/n). And I don’t wanna ruin things before they get good.” You rest your hands against his chest, fingers splayed on the warm skin beneath his shirt from where you’ve popped a few buttons open.

“I like you too, James. A lot more than I thought I would. And... if I’m being honest... that scares me.” He frowns, looking up at you and waiting for you to continue.

“I just... what if something happens to you?” His heart melts and he leans up, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, and then another.

“Don’t you worry about me, pretty girl. I’m not going anywhere. Not as long as I’ve got you willing to wait for me.” You grin, nodding and leaning down to press a kiss to his chest. Your lips linger long enough to feel the steady pulsing beneath the skin.

“I’m gonna be waiting for as long as you’ll have me.”

“Good.”

He walks you up to your apartment, hand held tightly in yours and a goofy smile on his face.

When you reach your door you feel sad that the night is coming to an end. Slowly you turn to him, eyes filled with things you want to say but can’t explain.

He simply chuckles softly, metal hand cupping your jaw gently.

“Text me when you get home, okay?” You ask softly, eyelids fluttering closed as he leans down. His lips find yours and you never want them to leave.

They fit so perfectly against yours, you could spend all of eternity kissing him.

Unfortunately, he pulls away after another fantastic moment.

You pull your bottom lip into your mouth, eyes on his as he slowly stands up to his full height.

“You can still wine and dine me even if you stay the night,” you whisper, already knowing what his answer will be.

He laughs quietly, shaking his head while smile lines fan out around his eyes.

“You, (Y/n), are gonna be the death of me. But god, what a way to go.” He presses a gentle kiss to your cheek then a lingering kiss to your knuckles before pulling away slowly.

“I’ll see you soon, babydoll. And I promise to text when I get home.” You nod, watching as he walks down the hallway. He shoots a glance over his shoulder when he reaches the elevator, a smile spreading on his face and red coating his cheeks as he sees you watching him.

Only once the door is closed do you unlock your apartment.

You hardly have time to step a foot in when you hear the door behind you open up.

“Next time you put on a show like that let me know so I can make popcorn.” You giggle, turning to Gladys and shaking your head.

“If we had known you’d be peeping on us we wouldn’t have done anything.” She shrugs, smiling at you. “It’s hard not to watch with a man like that standing there.” You roll your eyes at her.

“Goodnight, Gladys.” She’s already back in her apartment.

“So I’m assuming it went well?”

You nearly scream.

“Nat?! What the fuck!” She laughs, throwing her head back and letting out a good belly-laugh.

“You should’ve seen your face!” You glare at her, throwing your purse at her.

“Not funny! Why are you still here?” You kick off your shoes and groan as your toes finally have time to relax after being in heels all day.

“After last time I wanted to make sure nothing went wrong. But from the sounds of it I almost caught something scarring, didn’t I?” You shake your head, sighing and plopping down on the couch with her.

“He’s a fucking gentleman. For better or for worse.” She nods, hand slapping your knee.

“I told you. He’s gonna treat you right, Beans. I promise.”

[simps-and-scribbles]

Bokuto x Reader - Need you to Know

Rating: Strong T Genre: Romance, Fluff, slight smut Fandom: Haikyuu Word count: 1556

Summary: you have some instructive thoughts around your body image, but bokuto makes you feel better :)

Warnings: +18 content, a little bit of sexy time, trigger thoughts, insecurity around body image, self-consciousness

I ran up to the outside of the Jackals main training facility, my college class had gone overtime making me only a few minutes late to meet up with Bokuto to catch our train back home. Bokuto wore his jackals track suit with his gym bag slung over one shoulder. He was waving both hands back and forth in the air as he told what I could only assume was a very exciting story to Yumi, the team manager. I smiled to myself at his exuberant expression. My gaze drifted to Yumi, she was one of the sweetest girls I knew and was laughing at Bokuto’s story. My eyes drifted over her fit form, although she didn’t play volleyball professionally anymore, you could tell she worked out regularly and took good care of herself. I felt a twinge of insecurity and pushed it down as I waved back at Yumi who had noticed me approaching. I could still feel the insecurity sitting right below the surface.

“Babe!!” Bokuto said running the rest of the way to greet me, placing an arm around my shoulder and kissing me on my cheek. My heart warmed a bit, before a sneaky thought wriggled through my mind, chubby cheek.

“Hey babe..” I said a little more lackluster than I had hoped for. Bokuto noticed and an expression of worry began to develop on his face, I quickly tried to add some life to my voice. “What were you guys talking about?” I said more carefree trying to forget the unpleasant thought. Bokuto seemed satisfied with my change in tone and delved back into explaining his story which of course had to do with volleyball and how Hinata had hit a new personal record on his vertical jump today. I smiled at the excitement he exhibited for his friend. Bokuto was such a supportive friend, always wanting his friends to be the best versions of themselves. You’re definitely not the best version of yourself.

“Bye Bokuto! Bye y/n! I need to get to my soccer practice, but I’ll see you soon!” So zoned out in my thoughts I had missed the rest of Bokuto’s story and Yumi saying goodbye as she ran away to catch the bus.

“Bye Yumi!” I yelled after her a little late in my response. She turned around and waved back again.

“Shall we go catch our train?” Bokuto asked me, I nodded smiling up at him. The train station was only a few blocks away from the training facility and we took our time chatting about our day and taking in the blue sky as we walked under the shade of the trees along the sidewalk. We reached the train station in good time, as we walked into the station I noticed a couple running together past the main entrance. I took in the women’s lithe figure as she ran, healthy, strong. I wish I could do that with Bokuto. Any thoughts of the pleasant walk to the station under the blue sky disappeared as I stepped onto the train.

During highschool I had been athletic, I wasn’t on any major sports team, but I participated in the sports festivals and did averagely well. I’d always had some issues with self-image, but when I compared my current self to my highschool self, I wondered why I ever worried. I had been healthy, eaten well and ran regularly to keep my cardio up. I don’t know how Bokuto ever noticed me, I was just another girl at school, but I loved watching him play volleyball and somehow he’d asked me to be his girlfriend. He probably misses that skinnier version of me. I sighed, it’s not like I had put on a ton of weight. Since entering college, things had just become busier, I studied a lot and any extra time I had, I spent with Bokuto. It probably wasn’t noticeable, but I noticed it. I felt Bokuto place his had on my waist and pull me toward him, My muffin top. I felt tears prick my eyes. He’ll leave you if you keep gaining more weight.

“Hey are you ok?” Bokuto asked. I nodded silently and he pulled me closer to him, I grabbed a fistful of his jacket at the thought of him leaving me. The thought alone scared me. The thoughts only intensified the rest of the train ride and by the time we got home I was mentally exhausted from fighting them. “y/n, I’ll make some dinner, what do you want? I’m starved!” Bokuto said heading straight for the kitchen. My stomach growled, but I resisted it.

“I’m not hungry, I’m actually really tired, I think I’m going to go to bed early.” I said by-passing Bokuto who already had a cookie hanging out of his mouth has he watched me walk by with a worried look on his face. I headed straight for bed, all I wanted to do was sleep so I could stop thinking these awful thoughts about myself. I usually slept in my cute lingerie nightgown that always turned Bokuto on, but that just didn’t seem like an option tonight. Instead, I opted for my pajama shorts and oversized T-shirt and crawled into bed.

Don’t weigh yourself, you’ve probably gained 20 pounds. Bokuto probably hates that you’ve gained weight. Your arms are so flabby. It’s most noticeable around your belly. You can’t even run a mile anymore.

I felt the bed dip and gasped in surprise as I was pulled out of my thoughts. “Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.” Bokuto said gently as he placed an arm around my waist and pulled my back against his solid frame. I could feel the heat of his bare chest through my t-shirt. His fingers rubbed gentle circles on my waist and stomach under my shirt. Tears pricked my eyes at the thought of how squishy my skin probably felt there, I sniffled.

“Please stop..” I said, placing my hand over his.

“y/n?” Bokuto lifted himself up on his elbow, leaning over to see my face. I sniffled quietly, trying to stop all the ugly thoughts from entering my mind. “Babe, what’s wrong?” Bokuto said visibly concerned at my tears. Gently cupping my face in his hand, he rolled me toward him “Is it that guy on the train? I swear if he—” I shook my head. Silence settled between us as I quietly continued to cry “Please tell me, I want to help.” He said leaning in to kiss my tear-stained cheeks.

Gathering my courage and trying to calm my breath I answered, “I….I…hate…gain…weight” I said quietly through my sniffles.

“What was that?” Bokuto said intently focusing on my face, listening for my words.  

I took a deep breath to steady my breath again “I hate myself…because I’ve gained weight,” I said finding my voice, the tears coming in full now, “and I’m not as skinny as I used to be, and you probably hate that I’ve gained weight, and I feel ugly and –”

“Don’t….” Bokuto said. My eyes widened as I looked up into his serious golden eyes. His head slowly lowered until his lips gently brushed against mine. His eyes met mine again, “I don’t want to hear you talk about yourself like that.” He said ghosting his lips over to my ear. “You are so beautiful,” he kissed below my ear “and sexy,” down by neck, “every time I see you, I have to restrain myself.” His hand slipped under my shirt stroking my waist and trailing up the side of my breast. I small gasp escaped from between my tears. “I don’t care how your body changes. I’m always going to love you.” Cupping my face Bokuto closed his mouth over mine, wrapping his arm around my back he pulled me closer deepening the kiss. His lips were soft against my own, the heat from his body emanating against me as he held me tight in his muscular arms. I felt safe and warm here, all of my ugly thoughts melted away. His tongue found my own and I moaned into his mouth in pleasure allowing him to take full control. “Kotarou…” I said breathily coming up for breath as he immediately began kissing down my jaw and neck. I wrapped my arms around his neck, running my fingers through his grey and black tresses.

“I need you to know how beautiful you are,” he said repositioning himself above me, lowering his hips to press against mine “see how much you turn me on?” I could feel his bulge pressing against my thigh. I bit my lip as heat pooled at my core, my lust filled eyes piercing into his golden ones. Reaching for him I pulled him into me in a passionate kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Exhausted I laid across Bokuto’s chest, a content smile on my lips. I didn’t want to be anywhere else but here next to Bokuto right now. I could feel myself drifting off to sleep, before one more thought came to mind “Kotarou?”

“Hmm..” He answered sleepily.

“What did you mean by ‘that guy on the train?’”

Bokuto placed a kiss on top my head “He wouldn’t quit staring at you…I didn’t like it.”

I giggled, clasping his hand in mine, before drifting off to sleep in his arms.

[junicai]

Aria + Periods + 127 = Chaos

Taeil

taeil has a younger sister, so he didn’t need her to explain anything to her

honestly, he’s one of the members she’ll go to first if she needs anything

the least likely to make a big deal out of it

just kinda

shrugs

and does what is needed of him

sometimes pain meds don’t do anything for aria’s cramps they get so bad

and on those days, she’ll slid into his bed and either

A: snuggle with him and let him cuddle her

or B: just curl up underneath his sheets until he gets back from wherever he was and then do option A

he really hates her periods

like, more than she does

because she’s always a little deflated in the upcoming days, and for the first two of the actual periods

and he hates seeing her in pain or be sad

even if the thing she’s sad at is the advertisement of the cute dog

definitely chuckles at her when she comes to him with slightly teary eyes and whines that she misses her dog now

but opens his arms willingly anyway, letting his maknae plonk herself in his lap and rest her head on his chest

Johnny

there is no better man to try and make aria feel better

that’s actually a lie

aria will point blank avoid him on her periods

he read once

once

in an article that physical exercise helps with cramps and the other pms-ing symptoms

and now every single time she opens her mouth to complain about her uterus trying to eject itself from her body

johnny’s right there with an invitation to the gym

he’s literally packed and changed, they can go right now

truth be told aria took him up on the offer once

never again

she couldn’t walk afterwards

he had to carry her out

asides from that though

he’s pretty okay with everything?

like obviously, he doesn’t really get it all too much, but if she wants someone to massage her back, then he’ll offer without too many questions

but when she’s crying about something?

oh ho ho ho

bear hugs

just a big ol’ swaddling hug that makes aria feel warm n safe n content

they heal everything

it’s aria’s life philosophy

Taeyong

totally understanding

she needs pads? he’s either already bought them, or will go out to buy them for her

doesn’t have a tracker for her, but somehow knows when she’s cramping the week before its due

once came up with the innovative idea of using their handwarmers as a makeshift hot water bottle when they were on a schedule and aria was suffering :(

aria gets really bad lower back cramps, and its super common to just see him gently pushing her onto the couch

so he can try and massage some of the tension

keeps pads in his travelling bags

completely unprompted - it just started being something he’d pack

like heat packs and pain patches and bandages;

period supplies just eventually got added to the list

was a little uncomfy with the whole thing at the start

but his older sister yelled at him

told him to stop “being a baby” and “she’s your responsibility, act like it.”

aria felt really bad for burdening him with it all

lowkey wished she was a boy for inconveniencing everyone with it

and taeyong had to sit her down and tell her no baby

it was natural and it didn’t bother anybody

that she didn’t have to hide it

that she could come to them if she was in pain because of it

Yuta

oh this man

when he found out that aria was getting lightheaded on her periods

when he found out that she passed out once on her period

did so much research on why that might have happened and how to help

literally stayed up all night and came to aria the next morning like

“are you eating enough iron?”

the answer was no, btw

made it his mission to make sure aria did after that

always has a little bag of nuts or something else in a side pocket of his bag if he knows aria’s on her period

gets concerned asf when she misses her periods

because he knows it’s because of unnecessary diets or her putting in extra time in the practice room

aria loves going to his room when she’s feeling miserable

he’s always down to watch a movie or just lay down with her

he’ll plait her hair or just lay together and press a lil kiss to her forehead when she whines about the cramps

hates hates hates when she cries

he knows it’s because of hormones, he has two sisters

but that doesn’t make it easier

will do absolutely anything to get her to stop crying

once went out at 3am to get her ice-cream

which actually made her cry harder

bc she felt bad that she couldn’t eat it because she’s lactose-intolerant

he just felt worse

that was not a good night

now the freezer in the dorms has a little tub of non-dairy ice-cream with aria’s name on it

curtesy of yuta

Doyoung

when aria first moved into the 127 dorms

he bought a little pink box with a lid that he then proceeded to fill with tampons and pads; the whole shebang

which he then put in the locker beneath the sink

and told anyone that if they made a big deal out if it, he’d kill them :)

incredibly perceptive

knows when aria’s on her period before aria knows

“hey do u need a pad?” “ why do i need a pad?”

*an hour later*

“oppa do u have any pads”

he’s less of a come here and i’ll comfort you type

and more of a, i’m going to help you from the sidelines without ever actually acknowledging it’s existence

like perceiving it makes it worse

honestly aria’s pretty thankful he’s like this

she loves that the other members take care of her like they do, don’t get her wrong

but its like, for five days - she can do no wrong, she’s accommodated, and sometimes walked on eggshells around

it’s nice to have someone who’s going to treat her like normal

to balance it out

does that stop her pulling the “i’m in pain” card when she’s about to get scolded?

no

Jaehyun

jaehyun doesn’t have any siblings, so he was really learning from scratch with aria

however

that was actually a good thing

because it meant that whatever aria told him; he did

if she needed a heating pack - he’d go find one for her

if she needed to just lie down for a bit - he’d take her into her room and close the curtains to let her take a nap

now, she didn’t take advantage of this

much

but she just thought it was really sweet of him

and tells him as much

and every time, he’ll just pat her head

maybe a lil kiss on the forehead

and pull the blanket up to her chin before leaving and flicking off the lights

that’s kind of the extent of what he’ll do

mainly because the other members have a lot of it covered already

but it’s pretty common for him to give her a piggyback ride somewhere

if her back is cramping a lot and she doesn’t/can’t walk

no complaints

he just kneels down and aria asks him is he sure

like she’s heavy or something

and he’ll just carry her to wherever they’re going

there’s a lot of fantaken pictures from these moments

people speculate that she’s injured or sick

it happens so regularly that nctzens are genuinely convinced that aria just doesn’t possess an immune system

Jungwoo

jungwoo was surprisingly well prepared when aria first bent over from a sudden onset of cramps

man was ready and knew what to do

he had hyuck going out of the room for water

and had a hand placed on her lower back rubbing gently

never really makes a big deal out of it all

although has told her to play it up once or twice because he wanted to go to bed and practice was running late

she did, and they did end practice almost immediately after

honestly, aria’s pretty convinced that all of jungwoo’s information on how to deal with girls on their periods came from a wikihow article

but that did mean that he had taken the time to look up a wikihow article

so she guesses she can forgive him

and honestly, the fact that he takes it upon himself to do a little of her chores?

she’s not complaining

after the first three times she felt bad enough to tell him to stop though

he didn’t

and now it’s just normal

is very conversational about it all

has no problem with asking her what she needs, instead of hovering around and guessing

which makes it easier on aria as well

the first few times, she felt quite burdensome

and jungwoo levelled her with a look when she told him this

“the only way you’d be burdensome, is if you didn’t talk to the rest of us and suffered silently - in pain.”

that was the end of that really

Mark

unfortunately for mark

aria got her first period when she was with him

poor boy thought she was going to die

“ohmygod you’re bleeding - you’re BLEEDING-”

aria had to calm him down before going to the bathroom

he is pretty oblivious as to what exactly goes on

aria complained once that she missed her last two periods because of the stupid diet she was on

mark literally thought she was going to die

very concerned

she had to sit him down and tell him that no, she wasn’t going to die  

he’s gotten better over the years

as a topic, he’s still pretty uncomfortable with discussing it

but its less of a “i’m a man and this isn’t a manly topic” and more of a “i don’t know anything about this subject and i don’t want to offend somebody, help”

he did by her her first hot water bottle cover though

up until then, she had been using hot water bottles wrapped in towels to prevent her skin from burning

but mark showed up one morning

with a yellow fuzzy thing hidden behind her back

it was a winnie the pooh cover :(

Donghyuck

cuddle buddies

that’s his main role

aria on her period? donghyuck’s pulling out the fluffy blankets and making a pile of her plushies on his bed

time to pull out netflix and cuddle

aria could cry every single time she walks into his room and he’s just opening the covers for her to slip underneath

he does it every time

and somehow she’s still not expecting it

it’s been five years bestie

has accidentally made her cry on more than once occasion though

he doesn’t mean to!

sometimes he’ll say something in passing

and aria will get upset but won’t show it

because she knows she’s not actually upset - it’s just hormones

so she doesn’t tell him she’s upset

and just leaves to go to her own room

does that stop doyoung telling hyuck off for being insensitive?

no

not at all

but he’s normally really good! especially after the first few times

living together has generally made him more preceptive

also just growing up in general

if her cramps are really bad she’ll wake up during the night

and if she had slept in hyuck’s bed the night before

then he usually takes it upon himself to go get her pain meds and a hot water bottle

he’ll rub her back and help her fall back asleep

and then he’ll make sure to write down in his phone that she took x brand of pain meds, so in the morning she’ll have to take y instead

[imomomi]

       AN: I imagine it goes a little something like this....

         The moment Kiyoomi agreed to meet Suguru for drinks he had regretted it. The ex-Nohebi captain had a talent for getting him to drink far more than he expected. Every time they hung out, Kiyoomi would end up stumbling home, pink cheeked and slurring his words.

          A beer bottle was pushed in front of him as Suguru flipped the sizzling pork-belly. Kiyoomi lowered the mask, thankful that they were situated in a corner booth and far from the students loitering in the middle of the restaurant. The slightly bitter aftertaste rushed in his mouth, chased down by a piece of pork belly so crisp it was almost burnt.

          As much as he grumbled about Y/N’s band of misfit cheats, he didn’t mind having a break from the fame that surrounded his life as a pro-player. Suguru was never hesitant to poke fun of him or cut him down for a bad game.

          “How’s the new team?” asked Suguru, in between bite of food.

          “Atsumu is as much of a pig as he was in high school and Bokuto is just as loud as ever,” answered Kiyoomi. A dark look crossed Suguru’s face at the mention of Fukurōdani’s former ace forcing a laugh out of Kiyoomi.

          “You shouldn’t have cheated. You might have gone to Nationals, if you hadn’t. Though, from the way Nohebi played, you wouldn’t have made it very far,” said Kiyoomi.

          “Shut up. It’s not like we had a top ace on our team.”

          “Which is why you should have practiced more.”

          “Yeah, let’s end this right there. Hearing this from a V-1 player is just depressing.”

          “I beat you in college, too.”

          “You’re an arrogant bastard,” Suguru muttered.

          “If you put enough effort and practice regularly and with care, anyone can be good. It’s not so much arrogance as an acknowl-“

          “Okay, you need another beer and more food,” Suguru said, cutting him off. He waved down a waitress, ordering far more stuff than either of them would eat. There was an unspoken rule that Kiyoomi would pay. It was payback for the money that Y/N regularly forced Suguru to cough up as compensation for being mean to her.

          “I wonder what would have happened if you guys met during our last qualifiers,” Suguru mused. Kiyoomi tilted his head in confusion.

          “What?” he asked.

          “Your second year. We were your opponents during the Spring Qualifiers.”

          “I remember. We won in straight sets.”

          “Did you really need to mention that?” Suguru grimaced, inhaling a mouthful of beer, “Y/N was injured, so we played without our manager. But, I’m pretty sure we dodged a bullet not having her there. The first time we lost, she spent an hour making fun of us afterward.”

          “How did she get injured? Where? How bad was the injury?” Kiyoomi asked in a rush. Had he been paying more attention; he would have noticed the gleam that entered Suguru’s eye.

          “It got hot in the gym and they were renovating the central air, so the floor was slick with sweat. You know how Y/N is, she didn’t bother looking and slipped. Broke her collarbone and was yelling at us about it for a month,” Suguru said. He grinned at the memory. Though there’d been some worrying and tears when it initially happened, the scowl that Y/N wore for weeks after the accident had been an endless source of amusement for everyone on the team.

          “Open or closed fracture?” said Kiyoomi sharply. Suguru raised a brow, finger tracing the rim of his bottle.

          “Don’t remember to be honest. Just ask her later.”

          “What are you doing?” asked Y/N. Her feet were propped on the couch, hands steadily applying a thin layer of pink nail polish to her toes. Kiyoomi’s fingers hooked around the collar of her shirt, pulling it down slightly so he could see the sharp edge of her collar bones. Y/N inched backwards, looking at him with wide eyes.

          “Ummm, can you wait until after I finish my nails?”

          “I never noticed this scar,” he murmured, eyes glued to the silvery line that cut across the bone. Her brows drew together, teeth scraping her lip, as she considered her answer. Kiyoomi fixated on things at random times, like different players or an illness he’d heard about on the news. Unlike his cleaning habit---something she was endlessly thankful for after years of being told she’d make a bad housewife---his pessimism was endlessly amusing to her. In college, she’d often lied awake by his side as he hunted down videos of opposing teams and found out everything he could about their players.

          “It’s almost gone, I’d be surprised if you did,” said Y/N, at last. Kiyoomi leaned back, towering over her with a scowl on his face. His brow wrinkled and she fought the urge to smooth it out.

          “How often did you get injured before we met? Were you a clumsy child?”

          “Not particularly, but I had trouble sitting still.”

          “I thought so,” muttered Kiyoomi. He turned sharply, disappearing down the hall. Y/N watched his back in bewilderment, before turning back to her nails. Whatever it was, he’d tell her later.

          She put up with it for three days. Three days of Kiyoomi spotlessly cleaning and drying the floors whenever he was home. Of him ensuring that her shoes are double knotted and tight enough to suffocate her feet whenever she left the house. Of him hovering over her whenever she gets up in the apartment. Once, he’d explicitly told her not to move from the bed when she wanted water and had rushed to kitchen to get it for her. Half of her wanted to laugh, the other half was ready to kill him.

          “What happened and why am I being baby-proofed?” asked Y/N, folding her arms over her chest.

          “Nothing,” mumbled Kiyoomi. His lips pursed, forming a pout as Y/N leaned over the table and took his hand into hers.

          “I’m not stupid, Yoomi. Something’s wrong. What did Suguru tell you?”

          “You broke your collarbone,” he said. Y/N fell back into her seat in surprise, before she started to laugh loudly. Kiyoomi’s lips twitched reluctantly, the sound fanning the embers of affection that thrummed through his body.

          “You didn’t even know who I was back then and even if we did, you went to a different school?” Y/N said.  

          “All the more reason, we should be cautious now and prevent any injuries.”

          “I don’t play sports. An injury isn’t going to end my career,” said Y/N.

          “That shouldn’t prevent you from taking proper care of your health.”

          “When have I ever been sick?” she asked in exasperation, “Only once in the five years we’ve known each other. If I get injured, I’ll get better. Worry about me dying when we’re old, okay?”

          He nodded and turned the conversation toward Hinata’s latest attempt to push his debut up. Y/N let him, but her mind lingered on his concerns. Kiyoomi might not have been the most affection person in the world, but he cared far more than people realized. He did everything with care as if it would break in his hands if he handled it too roughly.

          Later that night, they’re resting in bed. Kiyoomi was warm and bright beside her, lips tracing the scar at her collarbone. Teeth nipping at the skin.

“I hope I die before you,” he whispered.

“Don’t say stuff like that,” Y/N said sharply.

“Hmm,” he rose up on his elbow, and rested his head in the palm of his hands. His fingers traced an invisible pattern on her ribcage. “It’s true. It’d be easier not to worry, if I’m dead.”

“You’re so annoying. If you’re lucky, I’ll kill you in your sleep,” she promised

“Wait a couple years, will you? I’d like to make it to the Olympics first.”

Y/N let out a breathy laugh, shaking her head at his absurdity. She wondered briefly what he’s be like if they decided to have children. Overprotective to a fault, but unfailingly awkward when it came to voicing his affection. Blunt as baseball bat when it came to pointing out someone’s mistakes. She rested her hand over his squeezing all her fondness of him into the touch.

[fukurodaze]

fear of losing

pairing: exboyfriend!oikawa tooru x fem!reader  genre/s: angst, pining, some kinda fluff word count: 2k warnings: mentions of inferiority complex (both reader and oikawa), mild swearing, reader passing out from over exhaustion synopsis: you never realised that hurting oikawa tooru meant hurting yourself.

lowercase intended.

oh, god. you hate him. so much.

so much that you refuse to loop your arms around oikawa tooru’s neck when he carries you, bridal style, across the hallways of aoba johsai high school. you’re only half conscious, but you use every bit of consciousness to stay limp in oikawa’s arms, as if making it harder for him to carry you; as if he would give up on carrying you and leave it up to someone else. as if.

it’s as if you hate that he still cares about you. and it makes you feel so utterly shit because you’ve spent so much time shutting him out, yet he welcomes you in his arms, his heartbeat fast in your ears.

he still cares, huh?

it’s all a blur until you wake up to the smell of antiseptic solution and a hard mattress underneath you. the white light is bright in your eyes, which doesn’t help with the painful ache in your temples. your throat is dry, your limbs weak. you turn to your side, body crawled up in a little ball. you feel small. somewhere in the room, you hear dialogue between the nurse and a familiar male voice nearing you, and you debate with yourself whether or not to keep your eyes closed or sit up.

“oh. she’s awake.” too late.

the nurse calls your name and you have no choice but to get up and rub your temples. it still aches. 

“she passed out during fifth per-”

“during maths. fifth period.” you throw a glare at oikawa, and he takes a step back. when the nurse asks you whether or not you’ve been eating or sleeping properly, you only attempt to answer.

“it’s exams next week.” the nurse only raises a brow, and you’re told that answer’s not good enough.

“i like to revise. and it’s not like i’m going to pull all-nighters during exams. i’m not that stu-”

“you shouldn’t be pulling all nighters, l/n. not at your age, at least.”

you stop yourself from scoffing at her words, and your eyes roll ever so slightly in annoyance when the nurse goes to get some vitamins from the drawer. oikawa sees it, and makes a mental note to rephrase the nurse’s words to you once you’ve swallowed the vitamins.

your eyes flicker over to oikawa, eyebrows furrowing at how he isn’t leaving. rather, he’s sitting on the chair opposite of the bed, and as you set down the glass of water, your mouth dries up again, this time not because you hadn’t drank anything for twelve hours, but because you’ve seemingly forgotten how to talk to oikawa tooru.

when the room is quiet and the nurse goes back to clicking on her desk, oikawa stirs. “when was the last time you slept?”

“i’ve done this before, i’m fine.”

“you’re not answering my question.”

there’s a cracking silence that strikes the room. “i told you, i’m-”

“no. how long?”

“i still eat regularly, so it’s-”

“one day? two days?” his voice is soft, but firm, too firm, that you can’t take it.

“since monday.” you mumble, but you know he can hear. it’s thursday afternoon. you tuck your hair behind your ears, eyes downcast, not ready to meet his disappointment.

oikawa stands up halfway before he sits himself down again. his laugh is dry when you hear it. “you finally broke.”

your voice quiets down, but you force it out. “how are you any different?”

oikawa stirs in his seat once more, as if he’d been well aware of how he overworks himself, too. 

“how are you any different when you need a fucking knee brace when you play? how are you any different when you can’t seem to catch a motherfucking break, but you still act like you’re above it all?”

“this isn’t about me!” oikawa grips the sides of his chair, holding himself back. he wants to storm off, because he knows what you’re about to bring up, but he stays back.

“no. it is. you don’t have the right to talk to me like a little child because we are the same. and i know that because you and me, we both know that we,” and you voice starts cracking, “that we- we are never going to be-”

“stop it.”

“we will never be... there.” you curve your words a little, not wanting to feel the pain yourself.

push him out, push him out, you tell yourself. it doesn’t matter if you hurt yourself, as long as he’s gone, you think. you don’t want- no, you don’t need him to care for you. all he’s going to do is treat you like some spike for his ego, as if saying, look here! this person can’t hurt me! 

you look back at oikawa, and his head is turned away. his arms are folded as he slouches on the chair, his uniform rolled up to his elbows. you hear no response.

“that’s enough,” he speaks, and you feel the tears prickling in the corners of your eyes. they’re hot against your skin, and as they threaten to come out, your neck feels itself warm up with the rest of your body. you’re frustrated. so, so frustrated that it makes your blood boil. so, so frustrated that you can’t even look at oikawa because he’s your reminder that there are people who can get into class 6 without trying as hard as you did. 

now that the tears are falling, your hands fly to your face, embarrassed that you’d dare to cry. it’s a sign of weakness, isn’t it? you believed that tears were better released on stuffed pillows and thick duvets, not in front of people who would, eventually, see you melt down, peeling away layer by layer. 

and you can’t stop crying. your breathing is fast and you don’t think you’ll be able to come back for seventh period, so you fold your knees into your chest, as if curling yourself up into a ball meant disappearing from the world, even if it was momentary. 

but you find that you can’t disappear even when you’re so tired you feel like you could stop breathing, because there’s a dip in the mattress and you find yourself leaning into oikawa’s side, craving anything more than the feeling of hot tears down your cheeks. his right arm wraps around your side, rubbing up and down the top of your arm. your mind travels back to the end of your first year, where you had first seen oikawa tooru in all his inglorious glory, laying limply against the gym wall, volleyballs scattered left and right. it was a time when you had barged into the gym, asking if you could stay there for a little while since all the teachers had locked up the other classrooms. you remember he looked surprised - offended, almost - but you paid him no attention as he practiced hundreds of rounds and you revised tens of times.

it was also the first night he walked you home, even if your houses weren’t near each other. one night after another, oikawa was the boy you shared big small talk with on sidewalks and asphalt platforms. it was him, almost every day. oikawa became well acquainted with your taste in music, and he’d take it up on himself to hum to each song on your playlist as he walked you home, one of your earbuds in his right ear with the other in your left ear. you, on the other hand, made friends with most of the volleyball club and the cheering squad due to your frequent attendance at his volleyball games. you had even learned how to do an underhand volleyball serve, and you remember oikawa’s stifled laugh as you knocked the ball into the ceiling and onto your head. he was sweet. 

and it seemed like you two worked out - really well. one day, your late nights at the gym turned into an early afternoon after class, where he came up to your desk and asked if you wanted to “go together”. you found that it had been a date after he kissed you at your doorstep, and you took his hand when you found out you wanted to kiss him again.

but screw him, right?

yeah, screw him and his group of fangirls. screw him and his soft smile. screw him and his know-it-all-i’m-so-much-better-than-you petty personality. you’ve convinced yourself you hated him because stress and a fear of losing built up in both of you to the point that you two had thrown at each other words as poisonous as mercury. that was the catalyst of the end of it all. and you feel even worse now because you are crying on oikawa’s shoulder two weeks after your “breakup”; two weeks after you told him things made to hurt him. 

oikawa stays in silence, running a hand through your hair as you grab onto his school button up for dear life. he’s hardly seen you cry before, but in this moment you feel like oikawa is the only person that you’d let yourself be so weak to. you hate it, but you start to think about oikawa for once.

the brunette’s feet swing back and forth, and soon, yours are too, following the nonexistent rhythm of his legs hanging off the elevated mattress. 

you feel your sharp grip on his shirt loosen into softer edges, your arms coming to hug the entirety of his torso instead. you know you’re going to walk around with swollen eyes for the rest of today and maybe even tomorrow, but you couldn’t care less now that the tears have finally ran themselves thin. you breathe steady.

oikawa doesn’t stop the hand in your hair or the swinging of his feet, but he turns more to face you, meeting your glossy gaze. it’s when you look into his deep eyes that you find kindness and care, something you’ve overlooked far too many times.

you don’t want to hear his voice, or see his face, or ever interact with him ever again. but right now you can’t help but tear down your own walls just to end up in his arms because the truth is that you miss him, so, so, so much. 

the pads of your fingertips shake around his middle and your cheeks start to rise when oikawa takes his other hand in yours in a slow movement, and, surprisingly, your fingers intertwine with his. it’s a wave of relief oikawa doesn’t know how to describe, feeling like nothing and everything at the same time.

your head presses against the wet patch on his shoulder, and you take a deep breath.

“can i walk home with you?”

oikawa’s hand in your hair freezes for a moment before it travels down to your waist, keeping you close to him. 

“rice balls on me?” his voice is low, almost like a whisper. 

your eyelids are heavy enough to give up on staying awake, drawing themselves like magnets. but you manage a nod and a positive hum as you unknowingly drift off on his wet shoulder. you think you’re calmer now, your mind going blank, finally, temporarily, as you let aside your pride for today. frankly, you’re still embarrassed and scared and nervous, but there’s always something unmistakeable about oikawa’s care. 

it makes you feel like maybe, just maybe, you don’t have to stay up all those nights or score full marks on everything - the same way oikawa felt his aching muscles soothe when you’d drag him out of the gym late at night. it makes you feel content, and oikawa can see it; a slow smile planted on your face as you finally fall asleep.

[cevansbrat0007]

I read your Sweet and Honesty moments

I dont wanna make this about myself but personally I think I few days ago something really happened inside of me.

I’m not very confident about myself self. Both physically and mentally.

All my life my family we’re always trying to make me go to the gym and you know be healthy and lose some weight. My dad always says it’s because we have very bad genes. My grandma is has obesity and She was always an example for my dad to take care of his weight and his health. My grandma has a lot of sicknesses, from heart problems and diabetes to literally anything.

Now I know being obese will bring you some illnesses, or will make you get sick faster and easier. I’m not obese but i do have gain weight, which obviously I’m not proud of. And my dad always point it out for me, to be healthier or to lose some weight. And I love to binge eat when I’m alone bcuz our house it literally a healthy house:/

I’ve never had a close relationship with him, at least not a relationship like he has with my little sister. We’re not arguing or yelling. But we’re simply not very close. But I always had this urge to make him proud in any thing.

And now back to what i wanted to say. I’m not confident about how i look, and I almost hated my body. There were many times that I started a diet and went to gym regularly but to stop when I lost my motivation, like this happened for years.

I’ve been going to the gym now and it’s going okay for couple of weeks, trying not to lose my motivation.

One day after my gym session when I was in shower, my mind took me to one my very ugly memories with my dad and the whole situation was so ugly and unnecessary which wasn’t my fault at all.

( we out of town in a hotel in my home country which no one else was there except us. And when we wanted to go the garden and sit to have some tea or something i said i wanted to order a hot chocolate not the team my family made from their own flask, common i was like 15-16 I simply didn’t want to drink TeA. But whn the hot chocolate i ordered came, my aunt and grandma from my maternal side, were like “wow the princess ordered a her hot chocolate” and blah blah. I knew they didn’t want to be mean to me and I took no offense they just always called me princess bcuz i was the first grandchild. You know spoiled. And the exact time my father literally just yelled at me that “WHY DO YOU ORDER HOT CHOCO WHEN EVERYONE ELSE ARE HAVING TEA???” And then he said “DO YOU THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE” and then he literally threw the hotchoco cup out of the garden. Later that night he told me that it wasn’t bcuz what i did it’s bcuz what my granda and aunt said that made him mad:/. And i was like how’s that gonna do anything better you still yelled at me infront of the hotel staff and the rest of my family)

Since the day in shower I went back to this memory i feel my something maybe little or big changed in me. My dad was always the one trying to bring my mood down. He always tried to make me lose my motivation when he found out I was having a diet saying “you wouldn’t get anywhere with that diet”.

And sometimes he says “I give you everything why aren’t you using this as an opportunity to make yourself better” . He’s right he gave me a car, bought me a macbook pro, etc. we never had problems with money or anything. He just couldn’t give some love or care.

I just feel about myself way better than i used to now. I haven’t changed physically. I want to lose weight. But I just don’t think about it as my making my dad proud or gain confidence with my look. I just think about it as like improving myself.

Trying to make myself better for me, bcuz if I lose me? Then who am i gonna rely on? My dad? It’s just only me, not even my best friend.

I mean my mom is pretty good she’s kinda also wants to lose weight. But I’m not gonna bring her into my mess. We have a pretty much good relationship that I’m proud of.

I want to be better so I can be a better sister. And to help my sister obviously bcuz both of my parents parenting is out of this roof.

I love my parents( even my dad bcuz i have good times with him too) but i will never ever accept their way of parenting.

There’s a lot more than this whole story with my dad that makes me sad but after years I finally found out that he is trying to keep me down and trying to push me up at the same time.

You really dont have to post this if you dont like. This is the first time I’ve said all of these things to. Not evenly my best friend. I just needed to say it out loud:)

Thank you

My Anon friend, I'm so glad you felt comfortable enough with me to get this out. I've been there with the weight issue. I've been there with my Dad and Mom policing what I eat, even up until now.

"How much do you weigh? Oh you don't know? That means you've given up."

"I wouldn't put that in my body."

"How's the gym going?"

"Oh, so your friends can talk about your weight, but I can't say anything? My friends and I never talked about weight. Because we all know weight goes up and down."

"I'm just worried no one is going to want her."

Those conversations with them hurt me so much. They are demoralizing. They are painful, honey. They're bringing you down and trying to push you at the same time. My father did this to me with a lot of things.

All I can say is that I'm sorry.

YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE DESERVING.

And you always have been. Thank you for sharing my friend. I'm sorry it took me so long to write back. I've been in a funk.

Now go order yourself that hot cocoa and drink it for me. Send me a pic (if you want) when you do.

I love you!

[bbugyu]

hi can i request a wonwoo friends to lovers!!

abso-fuckin-tutely! since you were a lil vague, i asked my friendly neighborhood wonwoorideul for a prompt and she shouted out the song nothing by bruno major (aka one of the sweetest songs on wonwoo's spotify playlist)!

nothing + jeon wonwoo

moving in with your best friend was the best idea you ever had, even if he claimed it was his.

wc.3707 | fluff, angst, roommates/friends to lovers au, gn reader, like one swear and it barely counts bc it was hoshi, slowburn pining, wonwoo sees you and his mind is full of poetry, happy ending! (jp ver.)

thank you so much for my very first request! i tried to post this quickly, so i’m sorry if it’s not as polished as my other pieces. i was so impatient to get this out hahah. i love me some domestic wonwoo

*

wonwoo wasn't just your roommate, to be perfectly frank. the lanky guy had wormed his way into your close circle when you had worked part time together at a grocery store fresh out of high school, and when you both decided you needed to be closer to the big city, it just made sense to go together. you had never lived alone before, and your mother had said she would feel better if you had someone she knew around, someone to take care of you for her, even though you insisted you would be fine. she tried to get you to move in with your auntie, and while eating her food would be a definite plus, you absolutely despised the idea of living under the same roof as your chaotic cousin. so, when wonwoo mentioned wanting to get out of your podunk village, you excitedly told him you wanted to move to seoul.

"okay," he had said, looking at you over his comic book as he lounged on your family's couch. "let's go, then."

two months later, his dad was helping the two of you move into a tiny two bedroom apartment in a neighborhood of seoul that housed mostly old married couples, but you liked that it was a little more quiet than downtown. it felt more like home, but busy enough to give you your fill of the city. you could walk down the street to a cafe every morning on your way to the station, headed to your shitty temp desk job that you had just to pay bills. wonwoo was able to transfer to the main seoul office of his existing job as a software engineer, and was even able to work from home most days. you were forever jealous that he could hop onto remote meetings wearing a tie and button up over a pair of sweats. on days that he had to go into the office, though, he would walk with you and point out shops that you had yet to visit in your few months of living in the city.

"since when are you a flowers kinda guy?" you asked, gaze following his finger to the florist shop he pointed out.

he shrugged, adjusting his backpack straps over the blazer he wore. "might be nice for the apartment."

you eyed him. despite knowing him for years, sometimes he still surprised you.

on days that he didn't ride the subway with you, you would come home to find him sitting on the couch, swinging around a digital new york city from a web on the tv. you noticed the potted plant on the kitchen counter when you dropped your keys off in their designated tray. they were red, with tight round petals. you thought they almost looked like roses, but you knew that wasn't right. peonies? begonias? you didn't know enough about flowers to recognize them, but you figured he went to the florist in your neighborhood while you were at work.

he paused his game after landing on a roof somewhere. "how was your day?"

"good," you said, pulling off your light jacket and standing by the couch. "what's with the flowers?"

wonwoo looked around you to the yellow ceramic and red blooms, both colors that suited the other few colorful items in your minimalistic (mostly from having only lived there a few short months) white kitchen. "camellias. i thought they looked nice."

you nodded, thinking that he had more to say, but decided not to press. "have you eaten?"

he stretched on the couch, hands falling to the back of his beanie clad head as he let out a strangled noise. "do i ever eat without you?"

that made you smile. "any thoughts on dinner?"

wonwoo shook his head, settling back into the couch. "what do you feel like?"

"i'm craving pizza."

wonwoo pushed his glasses up his nose and adjusted to fish his phone out of the pocket of his favorite track pants. "go take a shower, i'll order."

you grinned. "you are such a good roommate."

"correction, i'm the best roommate. oh, also," he pointed towards the fridge in the kitchen. "soonyoung came by with side dishes from your aunt."

"oh, thank god," you said, walking over to wash your hands quickly and check the haul. "i was worried we were gonna have to buy kimchi this week. he wasn't annoying, was he?"

wonwoo shook his head, chuckling at the way you talked about your cousin as he tapped through menus on his phone. "he was fine. complained that you weren't here."

"doesn't he have a job?" you opened a plastic container and popped a sweet braised potato into your mouth. your voice was muffled as you chewed. "he knows i get off at five. if he wants to see me he should come when he knows i'll be home."

the small smile on wonwoo's face never left as you rambled about soonyoung, then your fantastic chef of an aunt, and then the new guy that sat at the desk next to you that microwaved fish for lunch. seriously, who microwaves fish? in an office?

wonwoo commiserated with you, then told you to hurry and go wash up, because he had just submitted the pizza order, to which you responded "okay, okay, i'm going. i'll be back in a minute."

after a steam filled shower, you left the bathroom while toweling your damp hair, sporting a plain black v-neck with your, similar to wonwoo's, favorite track pants.

wonwoo looked up and laughed, tugging on the hem of his shirt. "we match."

you eyed one of the several black muscle tanks wonwoo sports regularly and giggled, pulling at the stripes down your pants. "we do. you want wine?"

"hell yeah. friday night, baby."

you laughed, returning to the bathroom to hang your towel before making your way to the kitchen, pulling a couple of stemless wine glasses out of your cabinet. they were the only glasses in the apartment because, as wonwoo had said, your priorities are notoriously bad. but, you reminded him, they worked just fine with water too, so you convinced him that buying real glasses could wait until you were both slightly less busy. you grabbed the bottle of red wine off the counter and looked at the seal. "wonwoo."

"yeah?" he paused his game and looked at you over the small kitchen cart that acted as an island. you held up the wine.

"new bottle."

he sighed dramatically. "what would you do without me?"

you grinned happily as you got the wine opener out of a drawer, holding it out for him. he snatched the bottle and opener from your hands and made a face, but began twisting the corkscrew into the cork nonetheless. you planted your elbow on the wood topped cart and watched him as he tugged out the cork, decidedly ignoring the fact that he was wearing a sleeveless shirt and he definitely looked like he had taken a trip to the gym today. 

"you pour, i always miss."

you laughed, pulling at the shrapnel of the seal that wonwoo always refused to cut away before removing the cork. "maybe if you didn't make the neck such a mess it wouldn't go everywhere when we pour it."

"unnecessary step," he retorted, watching you as you poured the wine into the two glasses. he took the one closest to him as you finished. "cheers."

"cheers," you repeated, clinking your glass against his and taking a gulp. you let out a noise of approval. "happy friday."

wonwoo was smiling as he took a sip. "happy friday."

"where's the pizza?"

"uh," he patted his empty pockets, then put down his wine glass to retrieve his phone from the couch. "down the street."

wonwoo had to shove his feet into a pair of slides to meet the delivery person at the entrance of your building, and when he returned, you were giggling into your glass at your sns feed. the wine hit maybe a little too hard, but you hadn't eaten in too long for you to have almost polished off a glass already.

wonwoo gestured for you to join him on the couch, so you grabbed the bottle of wine and tucked it under your arm, carrying the two glasses over to where he was shutting off his game.

you ate merrily, and then you talked. about nothing and everything all at the same time. this happened more often than you ever thought it would, but a week into living in the city, wonwoo had come home from hanging out with some old friends to you crying on the couch with a show on that was far too comical to be the source of your tears. that night, he stayed up with you until the sun was peeking up over the buildings, listening to your worries and struggles. he shared his own fears. you were a blubbering mess. he kept sniffling his nose, acting like the tears welling up in his eyes weren't there when you laughed, despite yourself. wonwoo and you had always been close, or as close as past coworkers that had the same friend circle could be, but this was different. you couldn't remember the last time you had cried like that in front of anyone, much less someone who wasn't your mother.

when you woke up on the couch past noon, your sunday to a late start, your arms were wrapped around wonwoo's torso as he slept, one hand tucked behind his head and the other on your back. his face was inches from yours. your cheeks were pink and you suddenly felt hot, trying as gently as you could to escape without waking him. he stirred, but only to readjust as you snuck away.

he said nothing about the cuddling when he woke to the sound of you closing the front door, and you smiled as you held out the iced americano you got him at the cafe down the street. he squinted at you and scratched his head, taking the drink and sipping it before even testing his voice.

"thanks."

he looked at you, eyebrows furrowed. "what? you bought coffee. thank you."

you sat next to him and swirling the straw in your own drink. "no, i mean for staying up with me. sorry i was a mess."

there was a pause, and your heart almost stopped when he put an arm over your shoulder. "you weren't. and i'll stay up with you whenever you want."

wonwoo sipped at his drink again, giving you a light squeeze when a tear fell down your cheek.

living together meant you saw a side of him you had never seen before. the little things he did throughout his day, when he wasn't even particularly conscious that you were in the same room as him. he always bit at his thumb when he was working, and he had a habit of leaving the milk carton open in the fridge. he always made you smile when he emerged from his room with his headphones loud enough for you to hear them from across the room, and he cluelessly bobbed his head to whatever he was listening to while he refilled a water bottle, waving and smiling before he returned to his room. when your mom asked you how living with wonwoo was, you told her he was great. clean, respectful, and quiet. that you had never been closer. that he made you feel safer so far from home. you didn't, however, tell her that you discovered that he liked running home from the gym at 2 pm on the weekends, laying out on the floor with his shirt over his head before he convinced himself to take a shower.

you had always thought wonwoo was cute. how could you not? he was a handsome guy, but you had accepted your place as a friend to him and happily let it progress no further. but, now that you spent your afternoons off arguing with him on whether or not showering was even worth the trouble, you couldn't help but stare at him. watching his toned chest rise and fall as you thought about how he had admitted his crippling fear of failure to you at three in the morning when your face was puffier than a padded jacket.

you never noticed, but wonwoo watched you closer than he did anything in his life. that night, when he found you crying, he felt his heart clench as you told him all your insecurities. when he had pulled you into his chest and held you tight as you questioned whether moving so far from home was a mistake, he patted your hair and told you that it was going to be fine. you had him, afterall. he had you. the two of you could make it out here. and if you still wanted to go home when the lease was up in six months, he would be there to help you move back.

he didn't stop holding you until your breathing settled, your shoulders stopped shaking. he leaned back into the couch, bringing you with him, and you didn't protest when he ran his hand up and down your back, coaxing you to sleep.

since then, every time you spoke to him, he couldn't help but stare at you intently. he watched your eyes light up while you talked about something you loved. he watched you scrunch your nose as you talked about your new desk neighbor. he watched your lips push into a pout when he said he should go get some work done. he wondered if anyone else noticed the way you sucked on your teeth while you thought up a witty comeback, or the way you carded your fingers through your still wet hair. or the way your eyes creased into a laugh, your hand coming up to block your open mouth. or the way you chewed on your red wine stained lip while he tried to form a sentence in response, when all he wanted to do was put those lips on his.

wonwoo had been stewing with these feelings far longer than he thought bearable, but stuffed it down in fear that he might lose you altogether. he didn't want to lose you altogether. he had gone on a walk halfway through his workday at home, feeling antsy for no particular reason, though if he thought about it long enough he would have realised it was because you had said something about feeling lonely lately that morning. he saw the florist he had pointed out the week before, and his feet brought him through the door.

"hi!" he looked up from the colorful display by the door to the person behind the counter and smiled politely. "did you need help finding something?"

"um," wonwoo blinked and looked around for a moment, then moved towards the counter. "i need a gift, i think."

the florist's eyebrows quirked curiously. "you think?"

he nodded, eyes flicking down to the nametag on his chest. he wondered if he was a foreigner with his three character name, but didn't mention it. "yeah. housewarming. for my, uh-" wonwoo paused, catching himself not knowing how to describe his relationship to you. roommate? wannabe lover? he bit his cheek. "my friend."

joshua nodded slowly, watching wonwoo's eyes as he worked his way through the sentence. "just friend?"

wonwoo stared at a flower arrangement to his right. "something like that."

"got it." joshua walked around the counter and gestured for wonwoo to follow him deeper into the store. "since it's a housewarming, how about a potted plant? something to brighten up the space for a long time. they'll think about you every time they see it."

wonwoo nodded, not saying anything about how funny he thought it was that he said he was getting his own roommate a housewarming gift. "that sounds nice."

"now, i'm not gonna claim to know you," the florist started, putting up his hands to exaggerate his words, they kept moving as he pushed and pulled pots, looking for one in particular. "you've said, like, maybe a full sentence to me, but those were some complex emotions when you called them a friend, so i'm gonna assume i know the situation. i think you should get camellias. specifically red ones."

wonwoo looked at the sunshine yellow pot in the soft featured man's hands. the petals of the flower were round and delicate, and he thought about how you said the color yellow made you happy. "why's that?"

"i think you should look up the meaning when you give them this," joshua said, and for some reason, wonwoo trusted him.

he came back to the apartment thinking about how he might have just gotten scammed into buying the potted flowers in his hands, only to find soonyoung about to hit the buzzer to call your unit, a far too large cooler bag sitting on the bench by the entrance of your building.

"is y/n around?" soonyoung asked, trailing behind wonwoo as they walked up the stairs, struggling slightly with the overpacked bag. "they didn't respond to my kakao."

"they're at work," he replied, flipping his keys over in his hands to find the one for your front door. "they'll be home around six."

"ah, shit," soonyoung laughed. "i always forget you guys have adult jobs. i would kill for a monday through friday."

wonwoo almost laughed, but left the smile on his face. "weekends are kind of overrated, anyways."

the shorter hoisted the bag of dishes onto the kitchen cart while wonwoo closed the door. "who're the flowers for?"

wonwoo stared at the pot in his arm as if it was the first time he had seen it. "oh, uh. just the place."

"for y/n?"

he looked at soonyoung, who had his chin in his palms, elbows planted on the counter as he smiled. he knew he was right when wonwoo didn't respond.

"i think they'll like them," he said, unzipping the top of the bag and starting to unload his mother's packaged dishes for his cousin. "they like the color yellow."

wonwoo just said "i know," before he opened the fridge and started rearranging things to fit the new food.

according to soonyoung, wonwoo was painfully obvious. when he had come by a couple weeks prior, you were arguing with him about some ridiculous childhood memory at your grandparents' home, and while soonyoung laughed, he noticed the smile on wonwoo's face when he watched you. he also noticed the way he instinctively put a hand on your back when you sighed about your newest temp gig, and soonyoung pulled on his ear as he looked at the ceiling, leaning against the kitchen cart much like he was today as he told wonwoo about how oblivious his cousin must be.

you pulled your knees to your chest as you sipped at your wine, the pizza box almost completely polished off by the two of you sitting on the floor in front of your couch. you stare at the pot of flowers.

"they're pretty," you said finally.

you too, wonwoo thought.

"camellias, right?" you turned back to him. "i like them."

i like you, wonwoo thought. "i went to that place down the street. the guy working was nice."

you nodded, sipping again. "any reason in particular?"

"i-" wonwoo paused, staring at his glass. he finished the last gulp in it and put it on the floor next to the pizza box. "you said something about being down recently," he said, folding his fingers together as he leaned back against the couch. "i wanted to get you something, i guess."

you watched his fingers as they pushed his glasses up his nose again, and your heart fluttered at the idea of wonwoo thinking about you when you weren't around. "really? that's so nice," you pouted, shoving his knee.

he laughed, pulling his knee onto the couch to face you. "the guy there - the florist, i guess? his name was joshua. he seemed to really know flowers." he knitted his brows together when he realized he was procrastinating on saying what he was nervous to. he put his arm on the back of the couch, rubbing his eye with the heel of his palm before continuing. "he said i should look up what they mean when i give them to you. red ones, specifically."

you perked up, heart racing. "what they mean? they have meaning?"

"y-yeah, i guess so," wonwoo said, then cleared his throat. 

"hey google!" you looked over to where the device sat by your tv. "what to red camellias mean?"

wonwoo stared at your profile as you watched the device think before its automated voice piped up.

"camellia flowers are available in white, pink, and red, with each color having its own unique symbolism."

you looked over to him, excitedly putting your glass to your lips as the voice continued.

"pink camellias symbolize a longing for someone, and is given to people who are missed."

wonwoo swallowed hard, fingers fidgeting against his temple.

"red camellias symbolize love, passion, and a deep desire."

your eyes widened slightly as the device shut off, glass still to your lips and eyes still on wonwoo's. he stared back at you, and you wondered if he meant it. but he never claimed that he didn't feel those things for you.

before you could think, you clumsily put your glass on the floor and moved. you didn't stop moving until your lips were on wonwoo's, pushing him back into the arm of the couch as you practically crawled into his lap.

his hands found your hips and he helped you settle into him, your fingers tracing his jawline as it worked against yours. you sighed into his lips as his hand slid up under your shirt, placed gently on the small of your back. pulling you into him. when you paused for a moment, you thought about waking up to this exact same view, that day after you had cried all night. but this time, his other hand pulled your jaw back to kiss him again, and you happily complied.